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I am in my 30's, married and have recently, finally, become a mama. I am a smug mama, because I have two wonderful, healthy, happy, and secure children and I feel that this comes from stellar parenting:). Join me as I post about my life and the joys of being the mama! 2010 has been full of wonderful memories and full of loss. I gave birth to my first child in 2010. I said good - bye to my Grandmother and cousin in 2010. I think back on the past year with mixed emotions, so much good, so much wonder, so much love, but I have cried a lot in 2010 and worried and lost people I love. As I think forward to 2011, I am full of hope. There is something amazing about New Years Eve, there is this feeling of promise, like anything is possible. Most years turn out about the same, good and bad, yet we tend to look at each new year as a new beginning; something exciting! I want to get healthy in 2011. I went about 3 years without getting sick before I got pregnant, then it seems like I have been nothing but sick since. I want to boost my immune system, cut that nasty dairy out, and start exercising on a regular basis. That doesn't seem to hard to follow does it? I don't want to start out tomorrow with a plan to workout 5 hours a day, 7 days a week or anything crazy, but I have to do something. When it was nicer out I was walking with the babies, but then it got really cold and I kept getting sick and no more walking. Smug - Sister got a Wii and since I will be there, I think that I should plan on playing something like dance off each day and walking with Smug - Grandma at least once a week. I think that is doable! The other thing I want to do more of in 2011 is being a nicer person. I want to stop yelling at other drivers for being stupid. I want to stop judging others. I want to stop thinking negatively about others. That is actually a really tall order, to try to control your thoughts, but I'm going to try:) What are you thinking about for the new year? Anything that you want to make happen? Good - Bye 2010 - thanks for the memories, take care and have a wonderful time joining the past and giving up the title of present! I am so sick. I am trying to be as whiny about it as possible. I took today off work for two big reasons, first, Smug - Baby was really sick too. Her eyes were gunked shut this morning and she spent the whole night crying and it was after 1am before I got her to bed and then she was up and down all night. That is the second reason I stayed home today, I got no sleep! Poor baby wanted only mama and daddy just wouldn't do, so I sent him on to bed about 11 and I stayed up with her. She would cry and want to be picked up and then want to nurse, but I guess that nursing didn't make her feel that much better, so she would pull off and cry and want to get down. As soon as she was down, she would cry and want back up again. I had no voice and one of the worst sore throats I can ever remember having. My head felt like it was going to explode and my eyes hurt to blink. I kept thinking this time she nursed she was would fall asleep and every time, just as she was fluttering her eyes closed, she would pull off the breast and hop down. When she finally did fall asleep and I took her into bed, Smug - Hub woke and informed me that he wasn't taking no for an answer, that I was staying home from all my jobs and taking care of myself and the baby and NOTHING else. I agreed and sent e - mails from my phone to let my bosses know that I was going to be out. Smug - Baby and I slept until about 8: 30 this morning and I called Smug - Grandma to bring me anything and everything she could think that might help. I wanted to have symptom relief as well as immunity building. She also picked up Gramps' pills and took care of him for the day. I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything but take care of me and my baby. I probably could have worked once I got up and moving around, but it was more important to stay home and just nurse Smug - Baby all day long and get her feeling better. Smug - Hub thought we should consider something like baby - Tylenol or baby - Motrin to help her feel better. I got online and started doing some research and found that the FDA is not recommending giving anything chemical to children especially any child under the age of 2 because of the huge risk of fatal overdosing. They are stating that any benefits are far outweighed by the risks. Apparently the line between normal dosage and fatal overdose is so small that they don't feel that the child is helped enough my the medicine to risk it. We decided that
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breastmilk was Smug - Baby's best medicine (did I post on here about her diaper rash? She had scratched herself so deeply that it got infected and was starting to ooze puss. I thought that perhaps I should take her to the doctor, but it was the Christmas holiday and everything was closed. I decided to put some breastmilk on the rash and did that with every diaper change - the rash was completely gone within 24 hours!) so, I just tried to keep her nursing as much as she wanted or would take. We decided not to give her anything else, not even water, because that would take up room in her stomach that would be better filled with milk. It worked, by the time Smug - Hub got home of work today she was at about 75%. Her eyes were still a little goopy and her nose was running, but both were less than they had been. My head is starting to really hurt again as the sun has gone down and things are always worse at night. I have to go into work tomorrow no matter how badly I feel. My company has this rule that in order to be paid for your holiday you must report to work the day before and the day after the holiday unless you have a pre - approved vacation request. Since Friday is the paid holiday for New Years Day, I have to work Thursday. I guess my company really doesn't care so much if I infect others:) I really do feel lMaybe I should be drinking breastmilk too!! She is totally bouncing around the house now!! She and daddy are rolling around the floor and having so much fun! The only problem with this, is that he is getting her all worked up and she probably will be up late again tonight - oh well, she is having fun and feeling better so that is all that matters! Last Christmas, I was huge! I was uncomfortable, my back hurt, my knees ached, my feet and legs were swollen and I was waiting for my baby to join us for Christmas on this side on my stomach. This year, she was here! I decided that I wasn't going to get her anything for Christmas. I knew that her grandmothers, all three of them, would get her stuff and there wasn't anything that she needed. She has toys and clothes and everything else and then some that a baby could need. Then I threw that silly thought right out the window and proceeded to purchase 5 different toys, 2 outfits, countless tights and socks, plastic spoons and forks, a Disney princess plate, bowl and cup and a Partridge in a Pear Treeeeeee!! Christmas morning, I awoke at 5: 15, it was dark out still and I was tired, but I knew that Smug - Baby would be awake soon and I wanted to get everything ready. I turned on the Christmas tree and found that Santa had indeed visited! Her stocking was full and all her gifts were laid out on the coffee table, arranged just so. I put a yule log DVD on the TV and Christmas carols played in the background. Then I climbed back in bed to wait for her to wake up. Then I waited. Then I waited some more. Then I nudged her and waited some more. Finally, I fell back asleep and she woke me at 8: 30 - Eight - freaking - thirty!! I don't think that she has slept that late in her whole 10 months of life!! She giggled at me and patted my face before rolling over and climbing up onto of her daddy and smacking him in the face until he woke up and hugged her. We got out of bed and looked out the window to see about an inch of snow on the ground and falling all around the house. It was White Christmas - which rarely happens here. I got the video camera ready and he walked her down the hall. I think that she picked up on our excitement because she sat down half - way to the living room and asked her daddy to pick her up. He brought her into the living room and they started playing with the various toys and pulling things out of her stocking. Overall, while she seems to like the new toys, she wasn't overly impressed with the whole affair! Daddy and I opened our gifts from each other and from family and I made breakfast. We spent the morning laying around, watching "A Christmas Story", talking and just being together as a family. In the afternoon, we packed up everything (food, gifts, etc.) and headed over to my mom's for the family get together. You see, that lovely snow that was falling that morning, was still falling as we made our way home and we were unable to get up the hill to our house. Dad came with his all - wheel drive and we unloaded everything from our car into his and he got us up the hill and home. We unloaded everything and then bundled the baby inside. She slept through the moving of car seat, food, gifts and everything else. She slept through the slipping and sliding and bumping to get home. She slept through all the unloading and the carrying of her seat into the house and up the
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stairs. What woke her was sitting her seat down on the floor. She was awake and played until 11: 30!! I am constantly annoyed by holiday ads. The TV commercials that tell us that we need to purchase several expensive and extravagant items in order to show our loved ones that we love them. Now, as much as I hate that we have it drilled into us that the more expensive the gift, the better, I do get that retailers are trying to sell their crap and are just doing what they can to make it happen. However, today is the day after Christmas and now all the commercials have changed. Now, they are informing us that their store is having great sales so you can "get what you really want". So, they brainwashed us into purchasing too much at too high a cost and now they are going to insult us for what we purchased? When did Christmas become so much about the gifts? I hear it all the time, "I have to get something for this person, because they got something for me" or "I'm not getting something for that person, because they didn't get me anything." There is talk of price limits and who is giving to whom and frankly I think it stinks! Christmas is supposed to be celebrating the day that a great man was born. Christmas is about family and food and magic and love. Christmas is about giving a gift to someone you love to show them how much they mean to you. Christmas is not about outdoing last year, spending yourself into the ground or about how much you spent over what someone else spent. I hate watching TV and hearing all the retailers tell us that women have to have jewelry and men need a TV or new car and kids need video game systems and cell phones and everything else at the store. Now, on top of all that, they are telling us to do more shopping because, we couldn't possibly have gotten what we really wanted. I have been feeling a bit stressed as of late. I guess trying to adjust to my new life of working more is hard and taking care of two babies is hard. But I knew it was going to be hard, I knew it would be an adjustment and I know, even when I am really struggling, that it will be great and it's the right thing to do. However, as the holiday's approached this year, I wanted to be really excited about it. I wanted to savor every moment and every new experience that Smug - Baby would have. I really wanted to, but I wasn't. I was stressing over how to pay for everything that I wanted to get for her and all my family. I was stressing over how to get everything purchased with my limited time. I stressed over getting to the grocery store and fighting crowds everywhere. I felt like I was in a bad mood most of the time and I wasn't enjoying anything. All that changed yesterday. I unexpectedly had a free day! I left the office to find that my friend's baby was sick and had (possibly) exposed Smug - Baby, Smug - Hub and myself to something (possibly) contagious. I called Smug - Sister and gave her the option of not having me and my baby come and (possibly) infect her family right before Christmas and she decided that she had a light day and she would be fine without my help. So, there I was with a free day. The world was my oyster, I could do anything! As it happened, Smug - Hub was also off work (a whole other story and don't even get me started on that!!) So, we both had some last minute things to pick up and then we met downtown for lunch. The street and sidewalks were full of people shopping and on their way to lunch and that song with the line "It's Christmas time in the city" kept playing in my head as we walked over to the Thai place for lunch. Smug - Baby spent the whole meal entertaining the other patrons and staff. The food was good and Smug - Hub was also in a great mood. I ran a few more places to get things that I needed and came home to bake some cookies for my friend who was heading out of town in the evening. I was pulling some cookies from the oven and I could smell the wonderful sugary smell filling the house. I could hear Smug - Baby and her daddy having a cooing conversation has they played in the living room. A Christmas special was on the TV in the background and my heart was full to bursting with love and Christmas spirit! I felt like, this moment, right here was THE moment, the perfect moment of love and happiness. I had to run to the grocery store and take something to my sister and as I was whizzing through the store, I realized that my face was feeling a little sore. I checked myself in the freezer door I happened to be passing and discovered the source of the soreness - I could not stop smiling! I was smiling at all the people stopping to make faces at Smug - Baby. I was smiling at the folks working hard to restock the shelves. I was
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making jokes with the customer who thought getting Red Velvet cupcakes would be better than eating the whole cake by herself. I was laughing with the cashier who carded me for some wine (I'm 34 so that never happens anymore). I was / am really happy. Really excited for all the cooking that I need to do today and preparing for the cooking that will need to be done tomorrow. I am no longer dreading how I'm going to find the time to do all the wrapping. I am filled with Christmas spirit and love for my dear friends and family. I am finally feeling the excitement that I was trying to pretend I was feeling. I guess I have let go of that need to savor all the firsts and am now just enjoying all the moments be they firsts or not. That phrase is total bull shit. It is always meant like the person is sleeping really well, really soundly, really peacefully, but that is not how babies sleep!! They are up and down all night long and really only fall soundly asleep 2. 4 second before the alarm goes off and you have to get out of bed. The last few years (OK, only days, but it feels like years), Smug - Baby has been having trouble in the sleep area. I think that the combination of her schedule change and teething is responsible, but bottom line, she is not sleeping through the night anymore. On a wonderful night, like last night, she wakes only 2 - 3 times, I move her to my other side to switch Binky's and she nurses right back to sleep and I am able to fall back asleep quickly. On a bad night, she might go to sleep like normal about 9pm and then wake up and want to play a few hours later, or not be ready for sleep until 11 or midnight. Since I started working for Smug - Sister, Smug - Baby's naps have been sporadic with no real routine to them. Both babies tend to take their nap together sometime between 11 and 1 in the afternoon and if my sister is able to nurse hers to sleep, then I can focus on nursing Smug - Baby to sleep. However, Smug - Baby does not allow me to put her down during this nap time. I don't really have a bed or good place to put her down there yet, and if Smug - Niece wakes before Smug - Baby does and then I try to put her down to get Smug - Niece, Smug - Baby wakes and cries as though her heart is breaking until I can pick her back up and nurse. Smug - Grandma offered to bring over her old yoga mat which is about 4 inches thick and almost the size of a twin bed. We could keep it rolled up when not in use and only unroll it for nap time. I hope that this will work and Smug - Baby can start getting a good nap at a pretty set time of the day. I think that this will help her to get on a routine and help her sleep better at night. I know that within a few short months, Smug - Niece will be more able to play on her own and with Smug - Baby and Smug - Baby will adjust to sharing her mommy with her cousin. They will both adjust to the new way of life and all will be wonderful (hush, I need my dreams!!) but getting there is tough! It's not like I can (or would) just quit working for my sister because Smug - Baby isn't sleeping well at night, but its hard to get uAll that being said, last night was pretty wonderful! She nursed to sleep and we climbed into bed at 9 on the dot and except for a phone call at 9: 15 (which I answered and hung up on all in one quick movement and Smug - Baby stayed asleep), we both drifted into dreamland. She woke to switch sides and nurse at 11: 45, 2: 30, and 4: 15, but only for moments to move and get latched on and I was able to go back to sleep easily each time, except for the one at 4: 15, I just turned the alarm off and got up. You rang in your 10 month birthday with joyful giggling and rolling around the bed. Your daddy kept saying your name in an attempt to get you to calm down and find sleep, however, this simply caused more giggling and wiggling. You spent the first hour of your 10 month birthday playing and watching cartoons while your poor parents sat looking on with bleary eyes wondering how you were awake with so much energy at midnight! You finally nursed to sleep and stayed that way about 12: 30 and your parents sighed with relief as they were finally able to surrender to sleep themselves for a few short hours until the alarm went off signaling me to get up and get ready for work. She is learning more and more. For example, when she sees Smug - Grandma and grandma is holding her and says "Upside - down baby" Smug - Baby will grip her tighter as she knows the dunk upside - down is coming. Smug - Sister taught her to find her nose and other's noses. Smug - Baby will not do it on command
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every time but every now and then she will give in and point to her nose or mine or smug - sister's. She waves and says "hi" to people all the time now. Its not a bending finger wave, more like a parade wave and she waves at everyone. People in the retirement community with Gramps lives, people in the grocery store, the dogs, kids, people on the TV. It's is totally cute and everyone melts when she waves at them. She is walking / pushing this little toy down the hall and back. Smug - Hub and I will each take an end to help her turn around and she will go back and forth forever!! She giggles the whole time, it is so much fun. She still doesn't like sharing her mommy with Smug - Niece, but I think that she is getting better about it and doesn't try to smack her in the head as much any more. She still wants to crawl, putting all her weight down, on Smug - Niece's stomach, face and anything else in order to get to the toys, or mama. She gets very upset that I will not let her do this and cries and wiggles. She has also started arching her back to flop backwards. She does it for fun but also when she is upset and this has resulted in a few close calls. She hasn't been dropped yet, but its been close - there is not warning!! She has eaten a few more items. She like beans and has taken the "leaves" from a floret of broccoli and seemed to like that. I have tried pears from the baby food collection and she likes that OK, but only in the last few days of watching some other babies eating and I have to take a bite first before she seems to understand. Binky's are still number 1 and she starts smacking my chest and pulling at my shirt when she is hungry. She still makes that cute "I'm so excited about my Binky's" noises when she hears the bra flap snap. It's too cute! She had her first fever this month. It lasted about 6 hours one evening and I just nursed her through it and didn't give her any chemical medicine, I just let her body take care of itself. That was the extent of the head cold for her that her daddy and I have been fighting for the last several days. Her 5th tooth broke the skin this week. I am so proud of her for going through the pain and annoyance of cutting these teeth with such dignity and grace. The 6th tooth seems very close to breaking through. Her first Christmas fast approaches and Santa is one freaky dude!! Besides the Santa visit where she was sleeping the whole time, she has screamed and cried at each Santa she has seen. I thought that perhaps by exposing her to several Santa's through the holiday he would become less scary, but alas, not - maybe next year! I woke this morning channeling Jeremy Piven from Grosse Pointe Blank going "10 months - 10" I can't believe that my baby is in the double digit months now and only a matter of weeks from being a whole year old!!! I noticed a picture that Smug - Grandma has of her from Easter and I hardly recognize her. Was she ever that small?? Where did this last year go? I look at my nephew who is turning 8 next month and remembering when he was Smug - Baby's age and I start to hyperventilate that I am going to do a slow blink and my little girl will be all grown up. We were watching Shrek last night and I remembered how when he was Smug - Baby's age he loved that movie and then trying to get my head around the fact that this movie was that old. Thank you Smug - Baby. I'm having the time of my life and I owe it all to you!! Why is it that when we women are sick, the show must go on? We struggle through all that we have to do during the day without much complaint, we don't get to crawl into bed and take the rest we so desperately need in order to get better quickly. It takes us longer to get over whatever the aliment and, in my case, can't take anything chemical because of the interference with nursing. Men on the other hand, are not nursing, so they can take whatever pills they would like when they are sick. They have the option of taking the time to lay in bed and sleep and rest and get better. Yet, they are the biggest babies!! They are the whinniest, laziest, cry - babies in the world!! Smug - Hub finally caught the head cold that I have had for the last two weeks. Smug - Sister and her husband both have it as well and Smug - Baby was sick for about 6 hours. Smug - Grandma even caught it, so it was really contagious and really hard to get over. He felt it coming on like Wednesday and felt even worse on Thursday. He took Friday off and spent most of the day in bed - all the while taking sinus and head cold medicine! When I returned about 2 hours later, he had
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taken the kitchen trash can bag and set it on the back porch - he called this collecting and taking out the trash. Never mind that the bathroom can was overflowing or that the cans in our bedroom and Smug - Baby's bedroom were getting full! Beyond this, he had fully taken apart the free - standing cabinet in the kitchen. He told me that the shelf at the top collapsed he it needed to be fully reinforced. Fine. I carried all the pieces to the garage (while he gathered some screws - very strenuous!) Then I spent the next hour, getting the dinner in the oven, cleaning up the clutter around the house, putting clean sheets on the bed, making wipes, folding diapers, sorting laundry and getting it started, wrapped a few Christmas gifts and cleaned off the dining room table. In that time, he drilled about 12 holes. He had to make a run to Lowes to get some special screws and did that while I put the changed the baby's diaper and put her down for a nap. He brought the parts back up to the kitchen and worked on putting the cabinet back together while I made a salad, made ice tea, got potatoes cooking, set the table, nursed the baby, folded laundry, and opened the wine. When family arrived, my dad and cousin jumped in to help Smug - Hub complete the assembly while I finished mashing potatoes and getting dinner on the table. The cabinet is complete and once again full of stuff - except for the doors, anyone what to take bets on how many weeks it takes to get those put back on?? How about if I end up having to do it myself?? Dinner was great and everyone raved on the food, which is always wonderful but while I was serving dessert, Smug - Hub starting snapping at me about helping him get the kitchen cleaned up and dishwasher loaded. I told him to leave everything and enjoy our company and our dessert, but he snapped that dessert could wait until the kitchen wasn't such a complete disaster. We worked together, him grumbling and snapping all the way, and got everything put away and cleaned up. We enjoyed dessert and family and Smug - Baby until everyone had gone and we were all ready for bed. I asked him why he was in such a bad mood and he went off about how sick he was and how he had spent the whole day putting together the stupid cabinet that I had wanted to buy and how it broke because I had filled it with all this heavy crap that I don't even use. Smug - Baby was not interested in sleeping and is our arrangement, he stayed up with her and I went to bed, since I have to go to work at 4am. He finally brought her into bed at 11: 20 - I couldn't help but feel a little vindicated that he had to stay up and take care of her all on his own while I got some sleep:) Is that evil of me??? There is a lot of death around me right now. My family has lost so much in the last few years, but this year it seems like we are losing more than before. My grandmother left this world in March, my cousin in September. My sister - friend is having to decide if turning off life - support on her father is the best decision. Smug - Grandma's best friend lost her mother this week and tonight a childhood friend of my brother's was taken off life support and quietly died. It's this one that has me all teary. I didn't know this child well, he was my brother's age and friend and I was a teenager that had little interaction with my brother's little friends. I know that this boy was troubled, I remember hearing updates over the years that he was in trouble with the law or his girlfriend was pregnant and I knew that he was into drugs. Last summer, while I was pregnant, I spent several evenings a week visiting my brother in jail (5 months for drug possession - pot). We got, I thought, closer during that time and while he said that he was done doing any selling of drugs, he was never going to stop smoking weed and thought that he would work with those who were trying to get pot legal. After his release, my brother faded from my life again. He has always been independent and never likes doing much with us, the family. I get it... kinda, but I miss having him in my life and I wish that he wanted to be part of things. I go months without hearing from him or seeing him and when I do, it is at my doing. I take my car to have the oil changed at the shop he runs, or send him "Happy Thanksgiving" texts. He generally responds and seems happy to hear from me and see me, but never makes any effort to see me or call me or even talk to me. When he was a captive audience, he was happy to have someone to talk to, now he just wants to be left alone to live his life. This boy was found unconscious on someones front porch one morning and was rushed to the hospital. His family has
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no idea why he was there, how he got there or anything. He was full of various drugs including a huge dose of insulin which had put him in a comma. That could easily have been or even still could be my brother. We, his family, have no idea where he spends his time, who with, nothing! I miss my brother. I miss that little kid who would scream at the top of his lungs while mowing the grass, just to let off steam. I miss the boy who used to let my sister and I dress him up complete with high heels and make up. I miss the man I thought I was getting to know through 2 inches of glass and a bad phone connection. They were calling for the snow to start about 11 last night. It was supposed to snow about 2 - 4 inches by morning and turn to sleet and freezing rain and then to just rain by this afternoon. This forecast was really fine with me. I can drive in the snow and I would be home most of the day anyway. I got up extra early this morning so that I would have time to scrape off the truck and shovel the driveway if needed. However, everything is bone dry. Not a flake to be seen! This too is fine with me. I have no love of snow and ice and the day would run more smoothly without it to be sure. I turned on the TV to see the weather and I see that the snow is imminent and should be starting soon. Now this is also fine. I can get to work before the snow starts and people start driving like they are nutso. However, this means that my husband and my sweet girl will probably have to be out in it when the snow is falling at its worst and before the plows are able to do their thing. This worries me. After I leave work today, I have to take care of Gramps and make a run to the UPS store (they are right beside each other, so no biggie) before I come home. I just hope that I am able to get that stuff done and home still before the sleet and freezing rain make it really hard to get up the big hill to my house. So, I have time this morning to post. I would rather be sleeping but someone decided that it was time for her to be awake too and I sit here typing away with a sweet girl playing with her ball at my feet, giggling as the ball rolls away from her and every now and then looking up at Sesame Street on the TV. My life is so perfect right now:) However, I must finish getting ready for work and kiss her soft little face good - bye for a few long hours until I can squeeze her the whole day through!! I love Christmas! I love the food best of all I guess. Last night I made some holiday biscotti (with cranberries and almonds) and some chocolate biscotti (with chocolate chips and walnuts) to send to some loved ones for Christmas gifts. I need to get everything wrapped and packaged up tonight for a post office run tomorrow morning. I hope that I haven't waited too long and they won't arrive before Christmas!! Anyway, the house was filled with the smell of baking and the lights on the tree were twinkling and my sweet baby was in the back - pack watching my every move. I had Christmas music playing in the back ground and the wind outside was howling. The house was warm and I felt full of the joy of Christmas!! I hardly even feel my head cold anymore! Mornings are hard and as soon as I lay down at night, my head stops up and I can't breathe. However, during the day I feel pretty normal, just more tired. I look forward to next week and all the time off and time spent with my family! This weekend we took Smug - Baby to see two different Santa's. Our local history museum offers a Fantasyland throughout December and displays all these old Christmas window displays from the old downtown retailers. This was started in the 1970's and I was actually taken there when I was a child so it was fun to start this as a tradition with my daughter. Santa told story's and sung songs and talked to all the kids about how Christmas was about giving and being with your loved ones and less about what you get. He told them about how important it was to listen to your parents and be nice to your brothers and sisters. Smug - Baby watched with rapt attention! Then Santa posed with each child for pictures. We let Smug - Baby take it all in and watch all the other kids talking to Santa, but when it was her turn, the result was the same. She was really freaked out!!! After that we headed over to the office where they were having a Christmas party for the associates children. Smug - Baby fell asleep on the drive over (I guess screaming at scary Santa is tiring!!) and I figured that she would wake as soon as I got her out of the car, but she stayed asleep. I figured that she would wake up when I laid her in Santa's lap, but she slept.
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I figured she would wake up while I was snapping pictures, but she slept. I spent some quality time this weekend worrying about how to pay for Christmas. I worried about the gifts already purchased and the gifts still left to purchase. I worried about the cost of the food that would be made, the cost of stamps for Christmas cards and the cost of shipping to get some gifts to the out of town friends and family. Then I read a post from Learning Along the Way and got really sad that my Christmas has turned into something very commercial and material. I have been so caught up in squeezing every possible moment and experience into Smug - Baby's first Christmas - after all, this is the only first - that I am making myself crazy. I don't get crazy about Christmas. I never have. I'm the one who starts shopping in October, a little something here, a little something there. I never stress, I always enjoy. But not so much this year. I know that I am over - stressed as I adjust to my new work schedule and money is much tighter than in years past, but Christmas isn't about stuff, or gifts or even food. Its about love and togetherness and being happy. So, I resolve to let it all go. I've purchased my last gift for the season (who cares of Smug - Baby doesn't have a full stocking on Christmas morning?!?! She doesn't care!!!) I'm going to concentrate on singing carols to my girl and doing what I love about Christmas - BAKING!! I want to watch classic Christmas movies and hold my baby girl and nothing more!! My sweet darling girl is sick. She isn't quite 10 months old and this will be her first illness. Friday evening, she felt hot to me. Her dad had been holding her and he runs warm, so I figured it was just that, but after she had been playing in the floor for a few minutes, I felt her again and she was decidedly warm. I got out the thermometer and she was at 101. 3. I held her close and she curled her body into me and I knew she didn't feel good. I had been feeling like I was coming down with a cold myself (scratchy throat, achy, nose running - you know the drill), so I thought perhaps she was getting the same thing. I quickly got her ready for bed and we nursed a long time until she fell sleep and then we both went to bed. I remember waking in the night and feeling her hot little face and neck and worrying that perhaps I should be doing something else. My step - mother had suggested something to reduce the fever, but I knew that the fever was actually a good thing and her body was fighting off this thing and introducing a medicine would just cause her body to have to work harder. Sometime in the night the fever broke and she was much cooler Saturday and although she slept more than normal, she was acting like her normal self. Sunday was more of the same - lots of sleep, but no more fever and her nose had even stopped running. When I was reading Simple Peace Mama's post on illness, I was happy to know that I had done the right thing, letting the fever run itself out and I am proud of my baby girl's strong immune system that was able to work hard and fight off this cold really fast. Me, on the other hand, I feel like there is an elephant sitting on my chest!! I am drinking herbal tea and taking Airborne and Emergen - C, and as much as I would love some chemical that would make me feel better and take away my suffering, I know that letting my body fight this itself is the best thing I can do for myself!!! Last topic! A girl I know gave birth to her daughter this weekend. While I am very happy that all is well finally. I am heart sick about how it all went down. I truly hope that she is happy with her birth experience and not traumatized like I would have been in her situation and I really don't have many details. Its the same story we hear all the time - Doctors are concerned that mom won't be able to deliver the baby as they are sure that the baby is over 9 pounds, so they induce, give epidural, labor doesn't progress, they break the water, labor doesn't progress, they move to a c - section, mom has complications, baby is only 8 pounds. I am just sick that they convinced this young mother, who was already anxious and excited to meet her baby to induce and the baby wasn't ready, so more and more interventions had to done and now there are complications. I hope that my friend is so in love with her baby right now, that she doesn't care about how it happened and she is totally fine with how it all went down. I just know that I would feel angry and betrayed by the doctors I trusted to help me, knowing that they caused all the problems. I would feel mad at myself for not trusting in God. I had almost exactly the labor experience that
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I wanted and my baby still had problems and I wrestle with the "what if's" all the time. What if I hadn't had my membranes swept? What if I had done the home birth? Perhaps the midwife would have handled the cord issue better, perhaps Smug - Baby would have nursed right after birth and aspirated breast milk which may have cleared her lungs within moments. I know that I wouldn't have hemorrhaged because the cord wouldn't have been cut, and the placenta wouldn't have been forcibly delivered. It feels like it only became news once they were elected and the revelation would sell more magazines or news organizations would pay more for the information. It's like everyone is consumed with greed and not with electing the best people to run our country. Is it any wonder that our economy is tanking? Here is the saddest thing: Corruption and sleaze has become commonplace for our politicians, so much so that it is not really even a kiss of death for their career, just some bad press that they have to move past. Bill Clinton had numerous affairs and he is still popular and still has a career; and wasn't there a mayor in the 80's, in New York I think, that was caught on video buying drugs, went to jail, got out, ran for office and won?!?! I was then thinking about how Miley Cyrus is criticized for taking racy pictures of herself - she is just being a teenager for God sake! Teens are growing and testing and discovering themselves and she should totally be allowed to do the same. The only reason it is news is because she is famous. People think that because she has fans that are little girls and teens themselves that she is a role model and if she tries to be sexy, then her fans will be too and OMG what ever will we do then!! People seem to forget that it is a parent's job to guide and raise their children and not Miley Cyrus's!! So then, why is it that Miley is judged so harshly for her actions, that are the same as pretty much any teenager? She is simply a singer, an actor - a good one? Sure! A popular one? Totally, but just a singer none the less. Why do we continue to elect people to run our country who are corrupt and greedy and faithless? We give a free pass to our politicians because, we are all human and we all make mistakes and we can all be redeemed. The problem is, they aren't being redeemed - they try to sell a senate seat to the highest bidder and then go on to reality TV and become even more famous! I say we give Miley a break and stop electing assholes to run our country! I wonder if we all wrote in Spongebob for president what would happen - after all Spongebob is loyal, never has a bad word to say about anyone, has a good attitude and a great work ethic!! I think he would make a great president!! If someone called your house at 12: 36am? What if you knew that this person might be drunk and calling because they want in some way to reconnect with your family because they were once in a relationship with one of your family members and are sad it ended? What if you silenced the phone as quickly as possible and did not answer because you knew that it would probably be a drunk call? What if the call woke your baby and you spent the next two hours trying to get said baby back to sleep? What if, by then, you only were able to get about two hours of sleep before having to get up and go to work and work all day??? I wonder if she got a midnight phone call. What about Smug - Sister? I should find out before I call him back and blast his ass - just on the outside chance it was about something legitimate. But, then why not leave a message or call back if it was some kind of emergency??? If it was a mis - dial, also leaving a message apologizing for calling the wrong number would have been nice. Lord, I am so pissed!! Today, we took the babies to see Santa at the library. Smug - Grandma took the boys (my nephews) last year and it was really nice without all the crowds and lines and expense at the mall. So before we left, I took a few shots of Smug - Baby playing with Smug - Niece. Although I didn't get any pictures of it, there was a funny / sweet incident that I have to tell you about. I needed to run back to my house to get some pills that Gramps needed, so I bundled the girls up and loaded them into my car and off we went. When we got to my house, I let Smug - Baby play and I left Smug - Niece strapped in her car seat (because she was happy there) while I used the bathroom and gathered up the stuff I needed. The seat was covered with one of those covers that keeps the baby warm - all you could see was Smug - Niece's little face through the hole. I noticed that Smug - Baby was playing near the car seat and even pulling
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herself up on it and talking up a storm to her little cousin. Then, Smug - Niece began to be unhappy confined, so I unzipped the cover to find a red ball, a beaded necklace and a jar of peanut butter all hiding in the confines of the car seat with the baby. I figured out that Smug - Baby had been showing her cousin all her cool and favorite toys! So Sweet!! So, back to Santa! When I got to the library, I needed to change both girls diapers and put them in their holiday outfits and then it was picture time! Smug - Niece didn't mind Santa at all Who are you? Smiling for Grandma I'm in a pretty good mood this week - granted it's only Monday, but hey, its a start! it did me so much good to have a nice weekend and get everything done that I needed to, it makes the rest of the week much better not to have the undone hanging over my head. I was able to leave Smug - Sister's a bit early tonight and spent a bit more time with Gramps (his blood sugars are really high and we are working with him and the doctor to try to figure out why). When I got home, my sweet baby girl was sleeping and kept sleeping until about 6pm! I was able to fold a load of laundry and do some work on the computer. Later, she played at my feet while I cooked oats for my breakfasts this week and is currently playing in the tub with all four of her rubber ducky's!! It is nice to sit here on the bathroom floor and listen to her playing and splashing. I am slightly worried about a little rash on her butt, so I thought some naked baby time was in order, so I let her crawl around naked for a bit and when she was good and cold, I stuck her in the bath to warm up and play some more. I know that she is sensitive and when she is teething as she is now, her poos are strange, so I wonder if that is what is causing the rash - that and I normally can tell when she poos and the last couple of days I have been surprised to change her diaper and see poo. I hate that she has been sitting in it for a long time and I didn't know. I feel like a bad mommy when I see the little red patches on her butt: (Anyway, tomorrow I am taking her to see Santa and her cousin's are going with us along with Smug - Grandma and Gramps. It should be a fun outing and after that one of my nephews is in his school's holiday play - he is an elf! We are all going to troop over there and cheer him on! The batteries for my new camera and my video camera are already charging!! OK, she is starting to whine, so I must get her out of the bath and ready for bed. Perhaps she will fall asleep quickly given that she is all warm and wet!! Here's hoping!! UPDATE: It's 4am and my baby girl is wide awake and has been for about an hour. She also didn't fall asleep until almost 10 last night!! Mommy is going to be very sleepy today: (This weekend was just what I needed. I had been feeling so run down and stressed and overwhelmed that I really needed the weekend to get myself back in check. I realized that I haven't been taking care of myself very well. I have not been drinking enough water throughout the day and I can't remember the last time I ate a vegetable! Friday after leaving Smug - Sister's place and taking care of Gramps, Smug - Baby fell asleep and I was able to clean my whole house while she slept and vacuum as soon as she woke up. It really took every ounce of my strength to get it done, but once complete, I was totally stoked! This would leave me time Saturday to run errands, finish laundry and grocery shop along with all the other stuff I needed to do. By the time Smug - Hub arrived home, I was ready for a hot shower and a back rub and then I went to bed!! Saturday morning, my first task was Gramps and then to a photo session for Smug - Baby. However, my wonderful and amazing photographers had a family emergency and needed to reschedule, so my morning was suddenly open. Almost immediately after hanging up with them, my dad called and invited Smug - Baby and I to breakfast, so we did that! After that, Smug - Grandma called and an old friend of hers was visiting, so we headed over there to say hi. It was snowing pretty hard when she woke up, so I took her outside to catch her first snowflakes on her nose and eyelashes! We took care of Gramps and got home in time to get a nice dinner on the table for Smug - Hub who had worked all day. We spent some time rolling on the floor playing with her baby girl and then headed off to bed. Sunday morning no one had to work besides the visits to Gramps and while Smug - Baby and I took care of that Smug - Hub started setting up the
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Christmas tree and we spent the day decorating the house and tree. When I got back from my evening visit with Gramps, the whole house was lit up and looking lovey! Smug - Baby liked the tree OK, but didn't try to pull herself up on it or anything. I did stop decorating it about two feet from the bottom, so she would not be tempted to pull down any glass balls or anything. I uploaded some pictures and videos to Facebook and we had leftovers for dinner. It was a full but relaxed Sunday and I feel much better about the week ahead! What makes a bully? How does a child learn how to push others around to get his or her own way and why? Does it perhaps start with the adults in their lives pushing them around and treating them like second class citizens? If we don't treat our children like they matter, like they are real human people with feelings than what do we expect them to do?? My nephew was riding the school bus and came home complaining that two other boys where picking on him, holding him down and drawing on his face and neck. Another time they pushed him under the seat, another time they took his shoe. A lot of boys being boys and my nephew was playing rough right back, but Smug - Sister felt it should be addressed and talked with the principal and the GM of the bus company (You see, our city leaders outsourced the bus drivers, causing many local folks to lose their jobs, or to re - apply for jobs with the new company and take cuts in pay and benefits). They talked to all three boys and the problem seemed to be resolved. My issue was with the bus driver. His job is hard, I get it! But his job is to take care of the children on that bus and get them home safely. Is he is allowing the boys to jump from seat to seat, crawl under seats and hold each other down and draw on each other, then I feel there is a big problem! This week, when my ex - brother - in - law met the bus to take my nephew for the afternoon, the bus driver yelled at my nephew, telling him that he needed sit still and stop jumping around on the bus. My nephew tried to explain that someone had taken his shoes and he was just trying to get them back, but the bus driver just kept yelling at him. My nephew's father stepped in and told the bus driver that he was aware of the issues on the bus and that my nephew wasn't the only problem. The bus driver slammed the door shut and drove off. When she met him at the bus stop today, the bus driver yelled at her to have a talk with her kid about getting right and not causing problems on the bus. She told him that my nephew was supposed to now have an assigned seat and he yelled back at her that he didn't have time to give every kid an assigned seat. She told him that she was trying to work with him to correct the situation and he didn't have to be an asshole, he slammed the door and drove away. Here is the thing, if the bus driver had talked to my sister calmly or the GM had been understanding and if they had both been willing to work with my sister in this situation, none of this would have happened. But because these adults don't believe that children should be treated with respect and don't understand that children are humans with feelings, this situation escalated into something ugly. Apparently it is OK for the kids on the bus to bully each other, because the GM and the driver bully the parents. But here is the kicker - parents have power! I told my sister to call the local news. The city's decision to hire this outside company to handle the buses has gotten a ton of bad press from the start and parents need to know that the city leaders, the bus company and drivers are perfectly fine with kids bullying each other and with treating parents and kids alike as if they are an inconvenience and not the whole reason they have jobs! Lastly, because I hate it when people complain without offering solutions, here is something that I think would help. Did you know that the public school buses don't have seatbelts?? Planes have seatbelts and lets face it, in a crash, a seatbelt on a plane ain't gonna do much! However, our public school systems care so little about the safety and well being of our children that they still don't install seatbelts. What if they did? Every child would be buckled in, unable to jump from seat to seat, unable to crawl under seats, unable to hold someone down and draw on their face. The cars now ping when someone is not strapped in, the buses could have the same function and the driver could address. If there are kids that are not getting along, they could easily be moved to another seat and strapped in. This seems a pretty simple and fairly inexpensive fix. Maybe I am in the minority, but I think that bullying is wrong. Be it from child to another child, adult to another adult or adult to child. Something has to be done to
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protect our children from growing up thinking that it's OK to treat others badly! I had dinner with someone last night who has recently had his heart broken. He is dealing, but conflicted and it sounds like the woman is conflicted as well. They still talk and are trying to do the friend thing, but it is hard on him to talk to her and see her and remember the good times and know that she is with someone else. Talking to him made me start thinking about breakups and how painful they can be, even when you know that it is the right thing and all for the best. How people handle their breakups can also be very telling, like the woman who ends her relationship and starts dating the same week. What does this say? Perhaps when you are dumped, thrown away, cheated on, whatever, you need to start dating right away to feel better about yourself. You need to feel desired again and it can help regain some of your self - worth that may have been lost when the person you loved tossed you aside. People often jump into a rebound relationship probably for this same reason, to feel worthy of someones love and affection. I know someone who was dumped and immediately starting dating the ex's best friend. She told me later that this was done only to hurt her ex and when he didn't care what she was doing or who with, it lost its appeal and she had to end it. This caused the new guy to be hurt and everyone was just hurt all around. So, while rebounds can be necessary, they can cause a lot more hurt in the end. I started thinking about my last relationship before I met my husband and how that relationship was probably more of a rebound that turned long - term (2 years). I think that I had loved being part of a couple so much that I just wanted that again and forced myself into a relationship with a man who didn't treat me very nicely. I stayed with him long after I knew he was abusive and I'm really not sure why. I know that at the time, I felt trapped by a lack of money to afford to live on my own and there were good times that I thought seemed to make up for the bad stuff. But, if I am really honest, I just didn't want to be single. I wanted to be married and have a family and I was getting older. I was in my late 20's and my younger sister was already married, owned a home and had a baby on the way, and I was stuck with none of those things that I wanted so badly. When the breaking point was reached and I finally moved out. The boyfriend didn't believe me and kept calling me to reconcile. I think that he was convinced I was an idiot for leaving him and if he could just see me, talk to me, I would come back. When that didn't work, he proceeded to tell all our mutual friends that he had to dump me because I was trying to get pregnant behind his back (where that came from, I have no idea). I found out later that he had never stopped seeing other women even though we were living together and while that hurt me, I was mostly concerned about disease at that point. When I left, anything and everything that I had ever felt for him was dead. However, this relationship had made me gun shy and while I went out and partied with my friends and reconnected with people I had let go in order to make time for this dysfunctional and abusive relationship, I refused to date. I was finally convinced about 6 months later to go on a date and it was horrible! My co - workers and friends encouraged me to let someone take me out and show me a nice time and I did and it was just awkward and I think that the guy really liked me, but I felt nothing for him and we had nothing in common and I swore off dating forever. It would be another 6 months before I would meet my husband. I almost called to cancel my date with him a dozen times. When I met him, I tried to set him up with my friend, because I liked him and thought he was nice and since I wasn't interested, he might as well go out with someone nice, but he wasn't interested any my friend and they never went out. So I decided that I would just use him for sex:) After our first date, where I watched him like a hawk for signs that he was going to drink too much or say something to put me down in a sneaky way, I fell for him. For the first year we dated, I kept him at arms length. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and for his "real" personality to be shown. It was a long time before I gave him my whole heart and my whole being. Here is the thing. The year that I spent being single was the best thing I could have done for myself. I decided that I wasn't meant to be married or have a family and then I set about being OK about that. Once I was OK with the idea of not
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having the family I always wanted, I started to enjoy my life, myself and worked on making myself happy and strong and whole. By the time I met my husband, I was happy with myself and totally at peace in my life. I was perfect and complete and he was just gravy on this great life I had created. I know now that I was getting myself right, so that I would be in a good place to accept this wonderful man and be ready to really appreciate the family that was to be had with him. So, here is what I have learned. While breakups are hard, you can't find the person who is perfect for you until you are perfect all on your own, in your own eyes, and you can't find your perfect person while you are with the wrong person. It has been raining. That horrible drizzle rain that is just cold and wet and makes all the drivers on the road bat shit crazy. Work was fine besides from breaking three fingernails on my right hand when I attempted to scoot some boxes around in my cube. Then it took about 20 minutes for the teller at the bank to complete my deposit all the while my darling baby is crying the back seat. She is bored and hungry and already been in the car for almost an hour. I take care of Gramps and get to Smug - Sister's and the day there was pretty fine. Smug - Niece was in a great mood and was content in her swing or playing on the floor most of the day, while Smug - Baby seemed like she wasn't feeling well and just cried most of the day. She seemed very easily frustrated and just wanted to be held all day. I feel like my "job" of helping my sister with her baby is wonderful, but it forces me to short - change my own child a bit. When I wasn't working, I would have just held her in the rocking chair all day, but now that isn't an option. I'm not really complaining, its just hard to get used to. I wasn't able to get to Gramps before his dinner break, so I ran home to do a few things before I went back out to take care of his stuff after he ate. When I got home, I was just pissed. It was pouring rain and Smug - Hub (because of being sick this weekend) had not finished cleaning up the garage, so I was facing the prospect of pulling the baby out of the car in the pouring rain and then putting her back in the car 20 minutes later to go to Gramps and then repeating when I finally arrived back home. So I left her in the car and shoved items around in the garage trying to make enough room for the car to fit. I was able to do so, but in the process bashed my shin on a metal box and by the time I got back in the car to pull it into the garage, it was already a huge purple lump and is throbbing constantly. I had about 15 minutes to kill, so I brought the dry laundry up, put a new load in the washer, sorting Gramps's pills, collected and took out the trash and recycling and started the upload of the photos to Shutterfly so that I could order from Christmas gifts later. Then it was back to the car for the ride to see Gramps. He wasn't totally finished with dinner so Smug - Baby and I sat with him and chatted with his dinner companions. Smug - Baby was sweet, but I could tell that she was still not feeling 100% and I felt rushed to get her home and spend some time playing together. It was after 7 when I finally was finished for the evening and I just sat down and cried for a bit. My leg was hurting, I was tired and hungry with no food ready to eat (I ended up with a few saltines and a 7 - up), my sweet daughter's cup was empty and she needed love and hugs and some quality time. Then it happened. I turned on the TV and Rudolph was just starting. I was filled with the joy of Christmas and I realized that this would be Smug - Baby's first exposure to this holiday classic, so I sat down on the floor and held her and we watched Yukon Cornelius look for gold and I sang along to all the songs and hugged my girl close. After it was over, we got ready for and into bed and she quickly fell asleep. I am in my 30's and have been married almost 3 years. I am a wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, lover and finally, finally what I have dreamed of being for many, many years... Mama
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It strikes me that I never posted the link to Kira, a student film I worked on last year. It certainly has its flaws, but I am very proud of the work done by everyone involve in the project. This was nearly a full time job for many people involved, and Kira went from initial concept to finished project in just nine months, during which time everyone who worked on it was a full - time student, and many were heavily involved in sports, clubs, and other such things as well. We had a ton of fun (and learned a lot) making it, and we hope very much that you enjoy watching it! Towards the end of this past summer, I received the very happy news that a literary journal wanted to publish a short story of mine. Below is the link to the online version, with the print version of the book soon to come! Enjoy! This is a short film that I made for the final project of my New Media class last semester. It's based on the short story of the same title by Debbie Knubley which appeared in last fall's issue of Kodon. The sound quality isn't great, but it was pretty fun to make. "You sure this is what you want to do, Elsie?" I asked. I wanted to look her in the face when I said it, but for some reason I couldn't, so I just stared through the windshield at the large red lettering that spelled out "QUICK MART" on the building in front of me. "Yes." I suppose I really didn't expect her to say anything else, but I wasn't above hoping that she'd change her mind last minute. I pulled out of the gas station and back onto the freeway. The silence between us was unbearable. I think Elsie didn't want to talk because she knew I'd ask about where she was going. I just didn't know what else to say. I first met Elsie about six and a half years ago as a freshman at Myron College, which kind of makes it an accident we met in the first place. I didn't choose Myron, really. My parents chose it. They knew that meant I wouldn't be going anywhere they didn't check off on. I guess I could have taken some loans and gotten by at a state school. But they were all huge, and I wanted somewhere a little smaller. As it turned out, all my parents really cared about was that the school was Christian in name. Thankfully, they didn't bother digging any deeper than that. Not that Myron was a bad place; simply that, when we visited, the tour guides mentioned that Methodists had founded the college, but now the school chapel was used for Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, and Muslim services every week, as well as being the meeting place for a number of other religious groups on campus. Moving in was a mess. There were people all over the place, toting boxes and bags, sweating slightly in the August heat. I had picked up my room key, and, thinking I knew exactly where I was going, I was laden with a suitcase, a duffel bag, and a backpack. My parents were both carrying boxes. She smiled. "Nope, I'm a freshman. I just made the same mistake in reverse already." We both laughed. "I'm Elsie, by the way." A memorable way to meet someone, I suppose. I did remember her name after only that one meeting, whereas with most people it took me two or three times. But then again, you meet so many people the first few weeks of college that I didn't immediately think anything of it other than, well that girl was nice. And cute. When you first start college there are some people that you meet once and never see again the whole semester. Then there are some people that you see around enough to remember their names. Finally, there are people that you actually talk to, people you start to become friends with. Elsie was in that last group. For us, it was music that started us talking. That's how our friendship started, little conversations like that. They were the foundation for the ever increasing trust that we built with each other. While we still talked about music and other small things like that later on, we also branched into deeper subjects of, as Douglas Adams put it in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Elsie's favorite book), "life, the universe, and everything." We became each other's first line of defense against the insanity of the world. If I had a problem, I'd talk to Elsie about it. People asked us if we were dating from time to time, but it wasn't ever like that with us. We were just really good friends. And that was fine. I don't think I would have made it through college without Elsie. Late February that year, Elsie started dating this guy named Brian. I knew Brian a little bit, well enough to say "hi" whenever we passed each other, though not much better. I suppose I got to know him a little more after he started
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dating Elsie, but even most of that was secondhand info. On the whole, Brian seemed like a mostly ok guy. Elsie seemed to enjoy being around him, so I was happy for her. Honestly, though, I didn't pay that much attention to Elsie and Brian's relationship. I had other things on my mind at the time. I had other friends, I was focused on my classes, and I started writing for the Myron Herald, the campus newspaper. There wasn't much room left for Elsie's boyfriend. That's how things passed for pretty much the rest of that year. Elsie, understandably, hung out with Brian a lot, but I was happy that she made time for me, too. I just enjoyed being around her. There were times we'd sit up all night just wondering about what was coming in our lives. I'm sure Brian wasn't a huge fan of us spending time together, but I guess Elsie put her foot down because the issue never came up between the two of us. At the end of the year there was a semi - formal dance. It was an annual thing, and a pretty big deal. Elsie, of course, went with Brian. He asked her with a huge bouquet of tulips and a note that said something like, "These tulips are nice, but not nearly as nice as your two lips." Kill me now. I mean, the guy couldn't even write a little note without turning to a cheesy, clichéd line? Besides, he should have known that Elsie liked roses. Most people were asking dates. I personally knew of at least five other guys who would have asked Elsie if she hadn't been dating Brian. I think one of them went for it anyways. I didn't have my eye on anyone in particular and didn't really want to go to the trouble anyways, but I still decided to go. My roommate, Phil, didn't have a date either, although it was more because he couldn't find anyone who would go with him, so we went together to avoid the appearance of having no friends. He spent the whole week prior to the dance referring to me only as his "wingman." Naturally, I tried to avoid him. We got to the dance early, just as the band started playing, because Phil said he wanted to "scout out the single ladies." There weren't a lot of people there when we first arrived, but it filled in pretty quickly. A few people had started dancing when I saw Elsie come in. She was wearing this blue dress with the slightest green sheen to it, so that whenever she turned it caught the light. The low "V" of the top fell elegantly over her torso, and a silver necklace adorned her neck. Her long, black hair shimmered down her back. Damn, she was pretty. I must have been staring, because she caught my eye, smiled, and waved. "Thanks! Not too shabby yourself. I like that shirt. See, Brian? I told you that you should've worn more than just a polo." "Yeah, I think we've met before." He shook Phil's hand. Phil gave a little nod. I was pretty sure they hadn't met before. "Well, fellas, I think Elsie and I have a little dancing to do. We'll catch you later." He steered her away. So Phil agreed, although I think he was skeptical. His foot tapped to the beat of the music, and his eyes impatiently scanned back and forth. I tried to play it off, keeping a steady gaze towards the dancers. I saw Elsie and Brian out there. Elsie was twisting and moving like nobody's business. For good reason, she was drawing some stares. They looked like they were having fun, so I was happy for Elsie. I was feeling weird that night. It wasn't really that I was sick or tired or anything like that. I just didn't quite feel myself. I spent most of the night just sitting there, sipping on punch. I wish I had seen Elsie more than the occasional glimpse of her dancing with Brian, but I think she had a good time. Towards the end I lost all sight of them. They must have left, I thought, and he didn't even let Elsie say goodnight. Unoriginal little bastard is probably kissing those two lips right now. My stomach turned over and I felt a pressure in my chest. I must've had too much punch, I thought. I'm making myself sick. Fall of our Senior year, Elsie was dating this guy named Greg. Greg was a couple years older than Elsie and me, but he lived in the city of Myron. Elsie had met him in a bar while she was out with "the girls" the previous semester. Greg was an idiot, and I'm sure Elsie knew it. I knew Elsie could have done better, but she told me she was happy. The thing was, Greg wasn't an explicitly bad guy. He drank, but not excessively. He worked a crappy job cooking for some run down restaurant in the bad part of town
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, but it got him enough money to keep up rent on his apartment, keep food on the table, and keep the cable TV coming in. I think that's all he did after a day on his feet: flop down in the easy chair and zone out to SportsCenter. But again, there wasn't anything inherently wrong about that. I think he wasn't really sure what to make of me, and I think maybe he didn't like me that much because of it. That was fine, because that meant I didn't feel bad about not liking him much either. Maybe he thought I was intruding on Elsie and him, but if that was the case he just didn't take the time to try to understand me. I would've told him it wasn't like that between me and Elsie. Anyways, that fall a guy I worked with at the Herald gave me four tickets to see the minor league baseball team a town over from Myron the first Sunday of September. I invited Elsie, Greg, and this girl from the paper who I kind of knew. Her name was Lauren, and she was cute enough. I picked up Lauren at twelve - thirty, and we met Elsie and Greg at the ballpark by one. The tickets weren't great: upper deck; but in a minor league stadium, even the upper deck isn't that high. Besides, who am I to pass up free tickets? There was hardly a soul around up there, so even though our seats were about halfway up, we pretty much got to pick where we wanted to sit. We were down the third base line, so we were lucky enough to stay in the sun about as long as it lasted before the stormy - looking clouds that kept rolling in completely obscured all natural lighting. With the exception of the ever worsening sky, the first four innings passed rather uneventfully; both pitchers were hitting their spots, so there weren't many base runners. I tried to engage Lauren in conversation, but my efforts were largely in vain. Lauren, it turned out, was a pretty dull girl. Midway through the fifth Elsie and Greg went to go get some food. When they came back, they were arguing. I'm not exactly sure what about, but it seemed pretty serious. They quieted for a second when they sat down at first, but then Greg started to say something and Elsie excused them both. She pulled Greg to the next section over and they began to talk quite heatedly, although they never started yelling. I lost focus on the game, and, now that I think about it, I stopped paying attention to Lauren, too. I kept stealing glances at Elsie and Greg. It didn't seem to be going well. Elsie was still sitting, but Greg had stood up and was waving his arms all over the place. He looked like a monkey. After about an inning, Greg stormed off. Elsie stayed a section over and just sat forward in the seat, chin cradled in her hands. A little while later, she got up and walked out of the grandstand. I told Lauren I was going to get a hot dog and went after her. I caught up as she was headed down the stairs. "Elsie, what's going on?" I asked. "What were you and Greg arguing about?" She just shook her head and continued down the stairs. I tried again, "Come on Elsie, you know you can talk to me." I tried to reassure her. "I do worry. Come on, what's wrong?" But she wouldn't say anything else and just kept on walking. So I followed her. She walked down the stairs, out of the stadium, and out into the parking lot. As we walked past rows of cars, the rain that had been threatening finally started falling, quickly picking up into a heavy shower. She stopped at the base of an empty spot in front of a light post bearing the designation "Lot E Row 23." I stepped up behind her. "That's where Greg parked. I'm sure of it. When we pulled up he said, 'Good, the car'll be easy to find when we leave.'" God, Greg's a moron. Who the hell drives off without his girlfriend? I sure wouldn't have done that to Elsie. "Hell, no. And I hope that asshole doesn't call and try to apologize either." She sniffed, and her breath caught for a moment. I walked Elsie to my car and drove her back to her apartment. She had been dating Greg for almost six months, but Elsie wasn't about to put up with a stunt like that. Nonetheless, I could tell that it would probably bother her for a little while. I wished there was something more I could do. I offered to walk her up to her room, but she said no, thanked me for the ride, and gave me a hug good - night. I got back in my car and drove to my apartment. I had completely forgotten about Lauren. I didn't know what to say. I mean, I'd always been a Christian, though I guess that
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was mostly just because my parents were. I never gave much thought to it one way or the other. I just was. So how to respond to a statement like that? I don't really know why that's stuck with me, but it has. Maybe it's because it has stuck with Elsie, even though I don't think she knows it. If you were to have asked her at one point, she might have said she was Buddhist. A month before that, maybe agnostic. I'm not sure I've even kept track of all the different creeds Elsie has claimed to confess. During school, she went to about every conference, speaker, and service she could. It was like she was looking for something she could never quite apprehend. Talking about spirituality in its many forms became a hobby. "I like this idea," she'd say, or, if she didn't like it, "Those people are idiots." She found many more belief systems she didn't like than things she actually agreed with for more than a few weeks. That was how it usually went: she'd wholeheartedly leap into an idea only to stick with it for a couple weeks before it, too, joined the "idiots" list. Although I was happy enough to listen to her whenever she felt the need to talk through some new concept, her whole "Spirituality Quest," as I came to think of it, was only something I watched her do from afar. My parents dragging me there was the only reason I went to church as a kid, and I just didn't care to wade into any of that. I didn't mind that Elsie did because fighting the energy she put into it would've just been stupid, and it never pulled her apart from me. There was a while there just after college, however, that Elsie did drift away from me. In a way, it almost seemed normal. We had just finished college, and had no strict connection anymore. There were a bunch of college friends that I quickly and quietly parted ways with. But a lot of those were people I said "hi" to as we passed on the sidewalk. Now their sidewalk was halfway across the country. Elsie and I had become close. That hadn't been my imagination. Even our sidewalks were kind of close. So why did I not hear from her for five months? She hadn't even returned my calls. After school, I had gotten lucky. An alumnus owned a marketing firm close to my hometown and had given me a decent job. I even had enough money to get an apartment in a pretty nice part of town. Work was interesting enough, and I was supporting myself. I got back from work a little later than normal one night. In my apartment, my message machine was beeping. I tossed my coat on the couch, pressed the "play" button and began to rummage through the fridge. The first message was from my mother, telling me that she hadn't heard from me in ages and I should call. The second was a reminder from my dentist that I had an appointment in two days. I had almost stopped paying attention when the third one started. "So, I know I haven't kept up with you at all since graduation. Sorry. Umm … maybe we could catch up soon? Gimme a ring sometime." She listed her number and the message clicked off. I remember not knowing what to think. Half of me was tense with the anger of her not calling me, but the other half relaxed, soothed by finally hearing from Elsie again. I wondered what had happened to make her disappear and why she was reconnecting now. I didn't sleep well that night. The next day I called her, and over a fairly short, awkward, and disjointed conversation we decided to meet for coffee that Saturday. I was nervous. I stood around my apartment for 15 minutes, ready to leave long before I needed to. After convincing myself that traffic would be bad and I really should head on, I finally did go. I was still at the little restaurant we had agreed on nearly 10 minutes early. But I guess maybe Elsie was a little nervous too. Walking in, I picked her out immediately. She was sitting at a table in the back corner taking a sip from a mug. Her hair was shorter than it had been at graduation, now falling just above her shoulders. I don't remember walking back there, but suddenly I was standing before the table. "Oh, please don't do this, will you? Don't you know I can see when you're upset? Just ask me the real question already." I was taken aback. I hadn't even realized it, but I guess I was so upset at Elsie that I wasn't ready to deal with whatever it was that had happened. I just wanted Elsie back. But she was right: we needed to sort out whatever had happened first. Elsie sighed. "You remember at the end of school? There were a million flyers around for different causes, groups, the military, stuff like that." "For some reason, God knows why, one
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of the flyers caught my eye. I grabbed it and held onto it through graduation. It was for a women's temple of some Taoist sect. Anyways, you know how I was. I didn't have a clue what I was going to do once school was through. I lasted about a week at home before I realized I couldn't stand sitting around under my parent's scrutiny with nothing to show them for four years of tuition. So I decided I'd go sign up. I knew they'd never go for it, so I left them a note and snuck out the night I made up my mind. "Ok. I guess I get that. Why didn't you call me afterwards, though?" I managed to keep the anger out of my voice that time. "One of the stipulations of acceptance into the temple was that we take a vow to cut ourselves off from all contact with the outside world. They said it would help us achieve Tao, which would make us come in line with the universe and give direction to our lives. It wasn't that I didn't want to call you. I just couldn't." "So why are you back here and talking to me now? Looking for more converts?" That made her laugh, which made me happy and broke the awkward, latent tension. "No, no, I'm not going to try to convert you. In fact, I quit. I realized the whole thing was crap. After five months of sitting around in a temple, it came to me that instead of giving direction to my life, the whole thing was just making my life even more stagnant. We weren't doing anything. I mean, half of what they were trying to teach us was this' action without action 'garbage. We weren't doing anything!" "Yeah, I guess so. But hey, life experience, right? And you've successfully debunked another religious system. That's, what, two dozen that you can firmly mark off the list?" "Oh, hell. I don't know. How am I supposed to know?" She got serious again. Her eyes sort of glazed over, and she stared into her mug. "How am I supposed to know what to believe? But there is something out there, right? There's just gotta be. Where else would this feeling come from?" I immediately regretted saying anything. She gave herself a small shake and looked up again. "Oh, never mind. I forgot, you only put up with that stuff as a courtesy, and you certainly don't owe me any courtesies today. But damn, it's good to see you again." Elsie lived with her parents for a few months before she found a cheap apartment not far from where I live. That's where she's been living ever since. She worked as a waitress for a while before getting hired by an advertising firm. She was low level, but at least she had a job where her income didn't depend on how many hours she could work. I think even that little bit stability in her life was really important for her. Ever since getting back from the Taoist temple, Elsie seemed just a little bit unstable. Not like she was going to crack up, nothing like that, but just that she always seemed a little off from who she was all through college. It was like she was constantly thinking about something else, and her brain was too preoccupied to put much work into her personality. Elsie was always on the extremes. Occasionally she would get super happy: running around joking, making good - natured fun of me, like how I couldn't ever seem to find a girlfriend. I liked being around her when she was like that. The only problem was, it wasn't quite her. Don't get me wrong, Elsie's a girl who knows how to have fun, but she seemed to be trying too hard, like she knew that's what she was supposed to be doing rather than showing what she really felt. The other end of the spectrum, however, showed up far too often. Elsie frequently appeared depressed and disinterested in what went on around her. She'd still go out, but she'd be tired and her mind seemed to be elsewhere. Perhaps the biggest change was that she hardly ever spoke more than a few words at a time anymore. Some of her local friends stopped calling her. I suppose they felt she was just dragging down their nights. Not me, though. I still liked being around her. If we just walked around the lake and didn't say a word that was fine. At least I was there in case she did want to say something. And one day out there, I think she did. We were walking around the lake on this gray, misty day that was cool to the verge of being cold. A gentle breeze was rustling the trees and sending ripples out over the water. Anywhere else, it would have been a crummy day, but being out there with Elsie on the path around the lake it seemed like an artist had painted the landscape perfectly just for us. Walking had become a regular ritual for
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the two of us. The first couple of times we were out I had tried to make small talk. Maybe I was trying to talk enough for the both of us, but whatever I said only ever seemed empty. No matter how much I jabbered, Elsie never responded past a small nod to acknowledge that she had heard me, so I soon embraced the peacefulness of the silence. It was relaxing, and I had even grown to relish the quiet time. So, as usual, we were out walking and not talking when Elsie slowed down. She turned to face me. Her eyes said that she was about to say something so I just remained silent and waited. She opened her mouth, but a shudder gripped her body. Turning to the side of the path, she bent over and after a couple of heaves began vomiting into the bushes. Elsie was ok the rest of the way to the car and didn't throw up on the drive to her apartment, but she seemed shaken. When we got to Elsie's apartment, I walked her up the stairs and sat her down on the couch. By then it was just past noon. "I think I'll be all right. Besides, I'm hungry. I just lost my breakfast, remember?" She gave me a weak smile. "Lunch is served!" I said as cheerfully as possible in light of her pale, expressionless face. She didn't say anything but tossed something small to me. I caught it. Elsie might as well have tossed a grenade at me that day. I remember this part in the movie Letters from Iwo Jima where the Japanese soldiers defending the island were committing suicide before the Americans could kill them by holding live grenades to their chests. That was what it felt like. "Elsie you know that I'll stick by you. I'm not mad at you; I'm here to help you work through this." I handed the test back to her, trying not to let my hand shake. She clutched it to her chest. I pulled the pin, drew her close, and it rested against mine as well. The ensuing days, weeks, and months were, I think, some of the toughest in Elsie's life. When her parents found out, they went berserk. When she wouldn't tell them who the father was, they stopped talking to her. I tried to get her to tell me, but my luck wasn't any better. I suppose I tried to step into the void. Maybe that gave some people the wrong impression. Her parents, for example, whom I had always been on good terms with, turned their anger at their little girl toward me, even though Elsie explicitly told them that I was certainly not the father. I've never had that kind of relationship with Elsie. I did as much as Elsie would let me do. Not that it was very much. Elsie took control of her pregnancy. She drove herself to every doctor's appointment and wouldn't let anyone else go with her. She was still working nine to five to keep up with her bills. I don't know how she found the energy for it. I hear babies are supposed to tire their mothers out, but this one seemed to revitalize Elsie. Despite all of the trouble from friends and family, Elsie was more of herself then than she had been for ages before that. I was happy for her. But I was still rocked to the core. I knew Elsie, and she didn't go sleeping around. Hell, I didn't really admit to myself that there was a chance she had slept with some of her past boyfriends. How did Elsie get pregnant, I kept asking myself. She didn't even have a boyfriend when it happened. Did I miss something within the silence of our walks? Had I not been there for her enough? One evening I was back at my apartment after work. It was about six months into Elsie's pregnancy. I was eating dinner when my phone rang. Driving towards Elsie's apartment, I wondered what it could be. Maybe she had tried to call her parents again. Mostly, they had just refused to pick up. She got away with using my phone once before it, too, apparently went onto the "ignore" list on their caller ID. A few times Elsie tried to bypass that barrier by calling from a pay phone only to run headfirst into another in the shouts of her mother. When I got there, Elsie was sitting on the couch. One of the childcare books that she had bought secondhand lay on the coffee table in front of her. I sat down next to her. "No, I'm not. No, listen to me!" She stood up and shoved the book off of the coffee table. "I'm not going to be a mother." "I … I miscarried. I saw the doctor today because I couldn't feel the baby move. It's dead." Tears began to fall down her cheeks. Elsie started sobbing. I will forever remember her face at that moment. I don't think I've ever witnessed more emotion in a single instant before or since. "Yes it is." Her
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body still shook, but she regained enough control to talk. "Last week, I was sitting at home after trying to call my mom again. She never picked up in the 14 times I tried." Another sob racked her breath. "I tried to call you, but I guess you were at work. I've been teetering on the edge of control for so long, and I just lost it. I literally went crazy." It started off slow. I was furious. Mad at the world. I know you're not supposed to drink when you're pregnant, but I did. I started taking shots. I don't remember how much I had. "Wow, I thought. Elsie's a bit of a lightweight when it comes to alcohol. I didn't have a clue where this was going, but I knew that a drunk, out of control Elsie did not sound good, never mind the fact that she was drinking while pregnant." That didn't help, though. I think it just made me madder. I started attacking everything around me. I kicked the door and threw the lamp across the room. And then … and then I started beating myself. I hit my head against the wall … and started punching my stomach. As hard as I could. "She broke down again. I was stunned. I'd seen Elsie get heated before, but never anything like this. This broke all bounds of who Elsie was. I kept thinking, this has got to be a lie. Elsie would never do this. She took a couple minutes to regain enough composure to speak." Finally, I tired myself out so bad that after I threw myself against the wall I fell down and couldn't get back up. Between crying and the alcohol, I passed out. It was probably only about five in the evening by the time I passed out, but I slept through till morning. The baby hasn't moved since. "She fell silent apart from the occasional hitch in her breathing from crying. Utterly at a loss, all I could do was wrap my arms around her. I felt completely empty, completely worthless. I hadn't been around for her call when she needed me the most. As I held her head to my shoulder, I closed my eyes and for the first time in far too long, I prayed. Two months ago, Elsie had the operation to remove her child. Her parents even showed up to mourn with her. I guess that's what a tragedy can do sometimes. I'm pretty sure that I was the only one who heard the whole story from Elsie about how the miscarriage occurred. People don't usually ask questions when you say" miscarriage. "I don't think the doctors even knew everything. It's been a strange time for Elsie these past two months. She's been understandably muted, but at the same time, she seems confident. The fun - loving but perpetually searching girl I met in college has been joined with a woman more introspective and assertive. The result is a mixture that's undoubtedly still Elsie, but it's a new Elsie. And so I found myself driving to the airport. Four weeks ago, Elise decided she needed to get away. The memory of her unborn child haunted every step she took, she said. She needed some place where she could start over. I told her that place could be here, but she insisted." No. I need somewhere no one knows me at all. Somewhere I don't have to conform to any expectations. Somewhere I can just take time to sort out my life. "We pulled into the airport and parked. I took her bags out of my trunk and helped her carry them in. She took care of her own ticketing. I was intentionally kept back far enough that I couldn't hear her speak to the airline assistant. Remaining bag (she had checked the others) in her hand, we walked over to the security checkpoint. She turned towards me. I felt my throat swell. Then she picked up her bag and walked through security. I stood there until I could no longer see her, then I walked back to my car. I sat inside not doing anything, as though I had forgotten how to drive. I thought of Elsie and prayed she would be all right. I prayed that wherever it was she was going, she would be happy. I prayed that she'd find what she was looking for, because I knew that even as much as I loved her, neither I nor any other person on earth could give it to her.
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Hye was waiting for her usual bus at the usual bus stop near her work place. It was late at night, almost 10pm. She was all alone. But, what she didn't realize was that she wasn't exactly all alone. There was someone who was watching her from afar, and another someone who was watching her from over the glass. Both of them wasn't able to approach her. No, only one of them wasn't able to approach her because he saw that she wasn't alone. It wasn't 3 minutes later that the bus came. It was very cold that night, but it didn't bother Hye because her mind was somewhere else. She had been having late nights and her body condition wasn't tip - top. She boarded the bus and because there wasn't many people around, she was able to get a couple seat to herself. In such circumstances, the girl would usually sit near the window, but Hye chose to sit near the aisle. She put on her earphones and played her music. The lyrics of the first song on the playlist seemed to be singing out her story. She closed her eyes and unknowingly, tears flowed. There was someone who was watching her, beside her; Hye of course wouldn't have noticed. Hye was starting to weep a little, but there was no noise. The man seated next to her stretched out his hand to wipe off those tears rolling down the cheecks. The cold touch startled Hye. "I …" JaeJoong is lost for words. He didn't know how to explain it to Hye. No matter how hard he tried to read her mind, he can't. And, he was kept away from her with his mission. "And … You know.. Usually, at times like this, the ladies would usually sit at the window seat. And, they would rest their head on the window … Why?" JaeJoong stopped his nonsense when Hye continued to stare at him. JaeJoong didn't argue with Hye. He sat upright to match his shoulders to be higher than Hye. Then, he put his left hand over her shoulder and pushed her head to rest on his right shoulder. The third song continued to play on. Tonight, weirdly it seems, all the songs on Hye's playlist seemed to be playing stories about their past. Both Hye and JaeJoong have many parts of their stories in bits and pieces. One thing JaeJoong didn't realize is that Hye had a companion who was looking out for her at a distance. With that, Hye alighted the bus and ran a little until she was sure she wouldn't be seen from the bus stop. As she ran, she couldn't stop herself from crying. She sat at a bench and cried with all her might. Someone was seated next to her. He was protecting her in his own way. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hye, I'm really sorry." JaeJoong found himself crying for the first time after his death. "As your senior, I only have one advise for you. You're already dead. Don't mess with the life of the living. No matter what you do, you can't turn back time." "Your fate with her ended in this life. But, no one can tell what's coming up next. Haven't you know enough to be able to guess?" Hye entered her own room and he followed behind her. Hye slammed the door right at his face. But, in any way, it wouldn't matter to him. "Hye? Hye, wake up. You're late." Seo called out for Hye as she approached her sister. Seo touched her sister and realized that she's down with a high fever. "Hot fever?" Concerned, her mom burst into the room. "Let me see." Her mom moved to the other side of Hye and touched her on her forehead. "Indeed. Seo, get some ice and cloth from the kitchen. Make sure to wet it." With that, Hye's mom busied herself the whole morning, trying to lower Hye's body temperature. A house doctor had been called in and medicine prescribed. Worried, Hye's mom couldn't leave Hye an inch, but it was almost lunch time. "My dear, you need to take your medicine. I'll cook you something, alright?" Hye's mom said in a very soft voice. "I'm supposed to protect you. But, I couldn't stop you from having a fever. You'll come to know why later." "I … am …" Puzzled, that guy continued to ask, "But, how did you manage to see me? No, no, no, since when did you know of my presence?" "I insist." Hye sat up and thought for a moment. She took in a deep breath and heaved out a sigh. "I shall call you 'shadow'. It was autumn. It was dark at night. Hye was walking by herself and she came to the signboard. She couldn't read what was written. But, she entered. As soon as she did, the place lit up
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. It was a busy place. She took a glance around her surroundings. Then, she saw that she was being escorted by a lot of people behind her. "Why are you in a daze? You want me to hold your hand?" With that, the guy held her hand and dragged her to walk forward. "But, still …" That guy placed both of his hands on her shoulders and made her sat on the chair. "My princess, you can sit here and wait to be fed." "Are you dreaming about him?" Shadow asked the sleeping Hye. "Do you know that each time you dream about him, you would end up tearning. Although you wouldn't know what exactly happened, but your dream will stay with you. I only worry that, you'd feel miserable on the day you get the full story." Yong Jae slept facing inside, but as soon as Hye lied on the bed, he turned and faced the other side. The dream stayed on for quite some time in the dark. Hye was staring at YongJae's back the whole night. From the viewpoint of the Hye in the dream, Yong Jae wasn't asleep either. In fact, he didn't move an inch because he thought Hye was asleep and he was afraid he'd wake her. The day went on very long and Hye, down with a hot fever, slept through the day. The dream went on and on in swirls. Shadow just sat beside Hye and tried to reduce her sorrow as much as he could. What Hye saw in her dream made her drew a distance with JaeJoong. She couldn't tell from which is which. She knew that JaeJoong is hiding things from her. She wanted to question him. But, she need to find a good time. With lesser and lesser time that JaeJoong is appearing in front of him, what questions can she ask? "Hye! Hye! Hye!" Hye couldn't hear her mom calling for her from level 1. She went straight up after she entered the door to her room. She was deep immersed in her thoughts to hear or notice what's happening around her. "I'm sorry, mom" Hye was feeling apologetic towards her mom. Not because she didn't hear her calling out for her, but because she was still deeply immersed in her thoughts. Hye was staring blankly at her mom as her mom spoke. "Oh well, nevermind. What have you been up to lately? You seem to be lost in your own thoughts." Hye's mom moved to sit beside her daughter who was now sitting at her own bed. Hye was going to tear up, but she managed to hold it back. "Are you having a lot of stress recently?" Hye knew that she's going to burst into tears soon. She couldn't bear to let her mom see her tearing up. No, in fact, she was afraid that her mom would question her. Because, she would have no answers to those questions. Her mind was in a stir. Hye continued to be in daze as her mom exited the room. There was someone else in the room. The feeling was positive. But, because Hye was too immersed in her own thoughts she wouldn't notice a thing. There was a loud thud and it shocked Hye. It actually brought her back to the current world. Seo was standing at her door. "Just keep silent for a moment." Seo moved around and her fingers moved towards the main switch of Hye's room. She pushed the switch and it clicked off. "Quiet." A few moments passed and Hye was so irritated she got out of her bed to switch on the light. She then held her sister's hand and dragged her to sit on the bed. "Oh, nevermind." Hye grabbed her towel and clothes and went straight into the bath. Seo watched Hye as she made every single movement and she was certain that she did not feel anything unusual about her own room. "You should be able to tell what I'm made of. Don't try me" Seo tried to threaten. "Just because we've been busy with our daily lives doesn't mean that I don't bother about my dear sister." "Me? Ahh … No … No, I have nothing to say." Seo replied her sister while shaking her head. Seo is acting weird today and to Seo, Hye seemed to have notice but she didn't question about it. Seo left the room. One thing that she's certain, Hye isn't able to see that guy. Somehow, she didn't know to feel happy about that or not. That night, Hye turned in early. But, it didn't stop her from having her dreams again. JaeHak looked at Hye with a sorrow face, but he tired very hard to keep it from Hye. Each time, when Hye turned to look at him, he'd smile at her brightly. Hye, being the innocent her, wouldn't have noticed anything. The dream stayed sweet for a moment before it was moved to another scenario. Hye was walking down a path where all houses lined up in a straight line
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and it was dark in the night. She was all alone. She had a piece of her outer clothing wrapped up over her head in order to cover her face. She took each step forward with much cautious. She had ran out of somewhere, onto this street, in search for something. In the dream, Hye kept walking and none of the street lights lit up for her. Then she heard sounds behind her and she turned around, scared. She then heard some footsteps in front of her. She turned around and she's being brought to another sencario. It was a back street. It was a dead town. Scared, Hye forced herself to walk fast foward in a haste. She stopped at a corner when she heard a voice. Then a fight broke out. Scared, Hye hid herself behind the house while she watched the 5 men fought. She saw that the man that they were trying to kill was JaeHak. Shocked, she let out a loud scream. JaeHak lost his focus on her and he was slashed by one of the shorter guys. Shocked, the 4 men fled. "Prince JaeHak!" Hye shouted out to him as she ran towards him. She tried to hug him when he was in much pain, but because it was just a dream, when she tried to hug him, the dream shifted and the scenario changed. "Hello" Hye greeted the other lady that was with him before turning to him. Hye signaled to JaeHak to ask him who that lady is. But, Hye didn't like the expression on his face. He was avoiding her glance as well. He didn't bother to introduce her. The lady, didn't bothered to introduce herself either. She glanced at Hye and then at JaeHak, as if she understood everything. She did, in fact. Hye kept shaking her head as she backed away from the scene. She was tearing up in her dream. She looked very heartbroken. After backing for what seemed 15 steps, Hye turned and walked, then it turned to brisk walking, then to running. "No … You shouldn't. Why are you doing this to me? You said you love me … You can't do this to me. No, you can't! You can't!" Hye found herself weeping in her own sleep. "No … You shouldn't. Why are you doing this to me? You said you love me … You can't do this to me. No, you can't! You can't!" JaeJoong seemed to have notice that something is not right. He tried to use his means to find out the reason behind it. What exactly had he found out? What was the thing that he exchanged with his missions? What did he realize that Hye come to know? Would that change the relationship between the both of them? Who exactly is that guy? Filed under: Fans Fiction, Love after life - Leave a comment "No … You shouldn't. Why are you doing this to me? You said you love me … You can't do this to me. No, you can't! You can't!" Hye jumped out of her bed and broke out in cold sweat. It was the sequencial dream that she keeps having after that night and tonight is already the 10th night. Everything was like a puzzle that she had to fix up herself and the story was incomplete - no, it was yet to be completed. Sometimes the dream stopped after once but at times, it continued the whole night. The amazing thing about dreams that Hye realized was, in reality everything happens by the seconds then minutes, but in dreams, everything happened in a flash within a spilt second. It wasn't at all confusing, in fact, it told her many things within a single second - stunning yet scary at times. Hye got off her bed while she tried to catch her breath and relaxed herself. She glanced around and realized that JaeJoong wasn't around. He hadn't been around at night since after that eventful night. It wasn't because Hye didn't had the courage to question JaeJoong about it, but she knew that she shouldn't. It was like a taboo, like how a little girl's candy would be taken back if she questions the capability of her fairy god mother. Hye went to wash her face and realized that it was 6am. "Hye, could you help me with these? I need to go for a meeting and I have an external meeting over lunch later. But, the boss wants this done by the afternoon. Please … Please …" Hye couldn't reject. "I don't get confused these days." Hye signaled to JaeJoong that she has more work to do, putting the file right up to his face. But, of course, the file couldn't touch him. Nothing can touch him unless he allows it. Or, unless it wasn't human or an object. "Oh shit! It's already 1. 30pm! Since when did time pass so … Wait, I'm hungry …" Hye was thinking of going to the cafe downstairs to grab something. She stood up and glanced around. She was the only one left. She grabbed
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her wallet and phone and was about to leave when the door bell rang. "It has been paid for. The address is correct. Do you have someone by the name of …" Hye glanced at the receipt that the person was holding and saw her own name. "That's me!" Hye shouted out, without realizing that she was being too excited about a lunch delivery. She was stared by the delivery guy. "Oh … Oh! You can just give them to me." Hye ensured that the person left the office before she turned around and head off to the pantry area. Once again, Hye broke out in cold sweat from her dreams. She stared at her clock and it says 3am. She had barely slept for 2 hours but it felt so long. She went to the toilet to wash up and changed into a new set of clothes before turning in again. This time, Hye awoke frozen in her bed. She felt numbed for at least a long 10 minutes before she could finally move. She felt that she wasn't alone. Seo went into her room. She saw that Hye wasn't alone. There was another presence that was being felt. But Seo didn't know what that was. She couldn't afford to scare her sister. It was obvious to the both of them that either of them are hiding something from each other. Hye couldn't tell Seo out of fear and Seo couldn't tell Hye because she shouldn't get Hye involved and knowing about the existence of these things. On an additional note, she herself, wasn't too sure either. Sometimes, the more we question about something, the more we get to know about a certain truth. Sometimes, the truth could be something desirable, but many times, it is a true fact so true and torturing that one wouldn't be able to bear knowing the whole story behind. When we question, we choose what we want to question. And, when we remember, we have to be certain that's worth remembering for what's being remembered would not be forgotten even if that thought is missing from the brain, it lives in the subconscious mind. Hye wasn't prepared for anything at all. For the next couple of days, it was hard to catch sight of JaeJoong. Hye was bothered about it when she had that free time to let her thoughts run wild; sometimes on the way back and forth work and sometimes over lunch. These days, Hye likes to eat her lunch alone rather than having the company of her colleagues. She thinks that she needs time to herself to think about many things. But, each time she sits down to really give it a serious thought, her mind just went blank. She felt puzzled and frustrated about it. She could ask no one. JaeJoong wouldn't tell her of anything even if she'd try to ask, he'd just change the topic and asking Seo is definitely not the best idea. She wouldn't want JaeJoong to be hated by Seo. It was a Sunday night when Hye was tidying up her schedule for the following week. "Hmm … There's just so many things to be completed in a week. Why do we have only 24 hours a day? And, spending 8 hours a day for sleep is just such a waste of time!" Hye complained to herself in her room. "And …" Hye glanced around her room. "Where is that Mr Kim Jae Joong!" She exclaimed quite loudly to herself. Hye turned her chair around only to find herself stuck right in front of JaeJoong. JaeJoong was staring directly at her. Hye started to pout and cross her arms to show her dissatisfaction. "Don't try to change the topic again. Answer me. Where have you been?" Anger filled Hye's voice. Hye stood up and her eyes matched JaeJoong's eyes. He looked seriously tired. Hye's eyes started to tear a little. JaeJoong softened. "You're not going to say you're going to tell me when the time is right." Hye walked away from JaeJoong to escape his glance. "You know that I'll be worried. I've been worried about you for the whole week. Do you know how it feels like talking to myself, thinking that you'd reply me? Thinking that you're actually right beside me and I couldn't see you? I've been worried about your whereabouts." "I know. That is it?" Hye wasn't trying to be pushy but she's really worried. "Oppa, you can tell me frankly." "Hye, it's not that I don't. It's I am not supposed to. You need to understand that." JaeJoong thought. Hye glanced at the clock. "You're going to ask me to rest again? But, oppa, you …" Hye felt too listless to continue. She didn't want to quarrel with JaeJoong, especially so when he just returned after such a long time. One thing that Hye is very certain is, she's still able to see him. Hye pretended that she listened to JaeJoong and went off to bed. Seeing that Hye is asleep, JaeJoong set off again. When Hye noticed that JaeJoong
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is gone, she get out of bed to get changed. She ran out of her house, onto the main street and found JaeJoong walking. She followed him but wondered to herself if that's how ghost travel - by walking. She followed him quite closely but kept a distance so that JaeJoong wouldn't know that he had been followed. She felt like a stalker and thought about to herself how his stalker fans must have stalked him like that previously. She saw him come to a halt in front of a condominium. JaeJoong stood there and stared at a single unit for at least 10 minutes before moving off again. "Why is he doing here? Why did he keep staring at the apartment. Which apartment was it that …" Hye was distracted in her thoughts for a moment and before she realized it, JaeJoong was out of sight. She stood up and revealed herself, thinking, "Where did he disappear to? He didn't walked?" There was a shine of light coming from behind. Hye turned. "No, I am …" Hye started off saying, but decided that she should lie. "I just came back from an exercise and will be heading back now." Hye pretended to enter the building and pressed the lift when the security guard went off. "Phew, that was close! What a time to be at a strange place and spotted by a security guard with no excuse." As promised, JaeJoong did show up every night at Hye's house and put her to sleep, but each night when she sees him, he gets a littler more tired than the previous night. Hye was worried but she didn't question. She was unusually obedient to JaeJoong. JaeJoong was too tired for anything else so it didn't cross his mind that Hye was being unusually obedient to what he has to say. Every night, when Hye pretended to sleep, JaeJoong would leave the house to go to that mysterious apartment. Hye would follow him only to fail to be able to tell which unit exactly was the one that he entered. But she was determined. "No, no, no it's fine." Hye insisted thinking that it'd foil her plans. She had intended to wait for him at the apartment instead. Hye was there at 10. 15pm. She knew that she could be early but she wouldn't want to be late. So, she didn't bother about the time. It was a good thing that the weather was kind to her that night. She waited at a bench nearby, close enough to be able to spot JaeJoong when he appears. After a long wait, he appeared. Hye was excited and determined when she saw his appearance. This time, he walked into the building. Hye followed closely behind. He was gone when she reached the lobby but she noticed that the lift stopped at 15th floor, so she took the lift up to the 15th floor. There were 6 units in that level. Hye started to walked back and forth at the lift lobby, wondering which unit could JaeJoong be at. "It'd be insane to go and ring the bell of every single unit. People would complain and I'd get into trouble and I can't investigate. No, no, no, that's a very bad idea. What can be done?" The lift door sprang opened and a black suit man walked out. He looked beat. Hye followed behind him to see which unit he entered. He walked to the far end of the unit that the main door faced the whole corridor. She tried to followed closer up, intending to make a right turn to the unit at the right if he notice her. That black suit man turned his door knob and Hye stood there frozen. "Hye!" He said to her, looking at her eyes. "It's not safe here. Let's go." JaeJoong knew that the other two men would most probably appear soon if they found out. "What are you doing there? Have you any idea how dangerous it is? And, what time is it now? Do you think it'd be safe for a girl to …" Hye was still in a daze. "Forget it. I'll take you home." JaeJoong hated to see her cry. He hugged her. To Hye, he felt a lot colder than he used to be when they first met. She didn't question. She knew the answer. She didn't have that energy to either. "Alright, I'll tell you." JaeJoong said as he grabbed her hand and started to walk. "Let's walk home while I tell you. But you're not allowed to ask any questions." Hye nodded in agreement like a 3 year old kid given a lollipop candy. "I'm on a mission. I can't tell you what mission is that. It's against the rules. There are rules that I have to abide by while I'm here. I didn't know what happened that allowed me to stay here, but I have to exchange something with it for while I'm here. There are people in charge of me to ensure that I accomplish my mission and to ensure that my identity wasn't revealed.
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You are a threat. You're not supposed to know anything. But, I stayed for you. "JaeJoong said, stopping now and then to check that his words are clear to Hye." I have to do this every night. It drains my energy. I'm always with you during the day. But, I need to rest too, so I didn't appear in front of you. "" No, not exactly why. I couldn't help much because it strains my energy as well. You were good at your work to begin with. "Hye nodded to show that she understood him." It's like an exchange. For the missions I complete, I get to stay here longer. There are things that I need to find out. I promise I'll tell you when I get the whole picture … "They were almost at reaching Hye's house. JaeJoong was glad that nothing happened. But he wasn't glad for long. That two men appeared in front of him. JaeJoong didn't know that Hye wouldn't be able to see them. On the other far end of the street, he saw that Seo is standing there with her arms crossed and an angry look on her face. He didn't have to ask to know. He and Hye walked nearer to the two men and Seo decided to walk towards them as well. Seo saw the two men and felt that their presence could be a threat so she decided to walk to Hye." Hye, what are you doing out here in the middle of the night? "Seo tried to shake Hye awake." Are you sleep walking again? "Seo pretended that she didn't see JaeJoong or any of the two men. JaeJoong was glad that she did so. He didn't want to put either sisters in any danger. Seo grabbed Hye's arm and put it over her shoulders. She didn't turn around to look at JaeJoong or the two men and made sure that Hye didn't either. That night, Seo put Hye to sleep after feeding her with a cup of hot milk. That night, Hye had a rough night. She saw JaeJoong in the dream, but he wasn't his usual self. He wasn't laughing and he looked more tired than usual. He was, in fact, in pain. Hye found out what JaeJoong was up to at night, but she didn't manage to get her answer. Her dream that night bothered her greatly but she didn't question JaeJoong about it. JaeJoong still manage to keep her company during the day, appearing now and then when she needed him. But, that marked the start of the nightmares that Hye started to have at night. What exactly was all that? To JaeJoong and Seo's surprise, Hye actually had a visitor ever since that night - a non - human visitor." You should know what I have been busy with, oppa. I had special trainings and after that we had discussions. And I wrote a note the other day to say I found an extra job so I'll be working late at night too. "" It's just so I can save up more money … for some uses … "Hye was planning to go on a vacation with JaeJoong. And, of course, there was no need to save for a 2 - person trip. JaeJoong ignored that fact. He was bothered with other things than what's going on around the room now. Someone is waiting for him outside the door. Someone that he thought only he himself can see." It's late. You should really rest and save up the energy for tomorrow. "In fact, JaeJoong too can't bear to leave Hye. As he turn to leave the room, Hye shouted," By the way, I have all the rights to know … everything about you! "Hye was angry. Having said that, she lifted her blanket with a flip and hid under it. JaeJoong turned and glanced at her with broken heart." I'm sorry, Hye. Now is not the time. I have no idea what's going on yet. "He murmured really softly under his breathe. So soft, Hye didn't hear a thing." Hye … are you not going to wake up? You're going to be late for work. "Seo said to Hye as she opened her sister's door. Seo glanced around and noticed that JaeJoong isn't around. Seo was surprised but she didn't ask much." It's not the time to be having dreams now. "Seo said as she pointed as the clock in Hye's room. Shocked of the time, Hye jumped out of her bed." I guess it should be. Where's the paper? "With that, Hye's mom went out to get the morning paper for Hye's dad. For the whole morning, Hye was stuck in the meeting room and discussions about a project at work that she and her team mates are working on. She had no time to think about JaeJoong and didn't even notice that he wasn't around since last night. It was almost lunch time when one of Hye's colleague approached her." Ung? "Hye asked as she stared at her watch.
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"I didn't realize it's 12. 30pm. I've been busy with work. I still have a couple of things to finish up on before I can eat my lunch." "We'll just head down to the cafe downstairs then. EunJung - nim says she has an email to send before she can join us and SeungHee will be meeting us at the lobby shortly. Join us when you're done." "So much to be completed." She said to herself in the empty office. Then she stood up and glance around. Luckily, there really wasn't anyone around. She heaved a sign of relief and sat back down on her chair. "You will know later." With that, JaeJoong pulled her out of her chair, grabbed her bag and put it on her shoulders and hold her by the shoulders and walked her towards the door. "No matter how busy you are, you need food. Your stomach says it is hungry." They waited at the lift lobby and the lift arrived, slightly packed but still there's space for at least 3 people. The both of them entered. Then, it stopped at the next level again. This time, 2 people were waiting. JaeJoong signaled to Hye that he'd be at the lobby. Before she could react, JaeJoong was gone. Hye didn't like the missing act. And somewhat, she remembered that he didn't come back yesterday. Hye exited the lift and found JaeJoong seated gracefully at the sofa in the lobby. She walked towards him and in a low voice, said "Where were you last night and this morning? I didn't see you." "You'll be stared at talking to yourself." JaeJoong has grown to be more conscious of their surroundings and accepted the fact that he's invisible to everyone. "Now, let's go to the cafe over there and get you some lunch." JaeJoong put his hands on Hye's shoulders and ushered her out of the building. There were a lott of people queuing to get food. Although the queue was long, the service was somewhat fast. Before Hye's turn, she turned and look around at the crowd and there wasn't any seat. Then she noticed her colleagues at the other corner and decided that she shouldn't join them. Hye made payment and was given a receipt and a waiting number. It was barely 3 minutes when her order came out. She held the tray and walked towards the direction of her colleagues. JaeJoong was following closely behind and he was whisling in a good mood. "Oh really? I was there for less than 10 minutes and I had everything." Hye said as she glanced around to look for JaeJoong who had walked over to the other side of the cafe to seat under the tree. Hye stared at her food and sighed. Everyone ate and finished everything and went back to work. Hye had like 10 tasks to be completed that day and she was all prepared to work over time like the rest of the day. But everyday, she always never fail to finish her work faster than she should. "Don't take it that I never say anything doesn't mean that I approve of you. It's all for my sister's sake. Now, if you'd let her be with her things and stop doing all those things to help her." "Why don't I?" JaeJoong placed the book back on the desk and turned to face Hye with his arms crossed in front of his chest. "Now, if you'd get off that bed and go to bath, you dirty fellow." JaeJoong stood up and was about to reach out to Hye when Hye rolled herself out of bed. "I got it. I got it. I just came back and you want me to move." JaeJoong has been doing the disappearing act for most nights that Hye would return after dinner time. After some nights, she realized that he always disappears after 10pm. Where exactly did he go? What exactly did he do in between the time when he's not with Hye. Is he trying to settle some other things that he didn't accomplish? Hye was getting curious and was very determined to find out. She shouldn't alert JaeJoong about it because it has to be done in secret and in her own means. "Ung?" Hye sat up and turned and looked at JaeJoong in a very swift movement. They were lying down on the grass getting the sunlight on their faces. "No … because you seemed to know that I liked you since a long long time ago … So … I was just wondering how did you … know …" "Recently? How? What do you mean?" JaeJoong stood up from where he was seated and started walking off when Hye stood up and chased after him. Hye was ignored by JaeJoong again. Angry, she stopped at where she stood and crossed her arms in front of her chest and turned her head against where JaeJoong was walked. JaeJoong, noticed that Hye was not following turned back. JaeJoong stood at where he was positioned and looked at Hye. "Your neck will hurt this way. Look at me …" JaeJoong said in a soft voice and that
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melt Hye's heart. She turned slowly first to look at JaeJoong. But something shocked her. "I don't know is it because of the bright sunlight …" Hye looked at the sun and then set her focus back on JaeJoong's face. She tip - toed slightly because it was even harder to tell where exactly JaeJoong is standing in front of her. "What?! What has that got to do with me being fair?" JaeJoong was slightly annoyed. He didn't like it when people say that his skin is fair because he couldn't do anything about getting darker even with sun tanning. "The bus is not coming until a little while more. Maybe another 3 minutes?" JaeJoong was looking at his watch when he said that and he was looking very cheerful and optimistic. Exactly 3 minutes later, the bus arrived as JaeJoong had said. Hye stared at him as he stepped up to stop the bus to board it. Hye flagged the bus too and it stopped in front of her instead of JaeJoong. They had both forgotten that not everyone would be able to know JaeJoong's existence. Hye was having some special course that day for the whole day and the special training will go on for 3 days. Feeling bored, JaeJoong told Hye that he would be going somewhere else and he'd see her at home. That night, Hye returned late because the people at her class had asked her out for a group dinner. "He needs to have a hand phone so I can tell him I'd be late … How am I supposed to let him know? Would he know..?" Hye stared up in a daze at the night sky as she thought of all these. "He's not here?" Hye slammed her own door before JaeJoong could react. He was seated on her bed. JaeJoong heard her running across to Seo's room. "You don't see him" Seo asked, slightly shocked. She stood up and walked towards Hye's room, open the door and found JaeJoong seated at the end of Hye's bed. "He's here. Don't you see him?" "Ung?" Hye turned to look inside her own room. JaeJoong was still seated at her bed. Hye tried to shield him from her mom's view. "And you're saying you are not acting weird?" Hye's mom pushed Hye to one side and walked into Hye's room and sat by her study desk. Hye shifted her sight from her mom to JaeJoong. JaeJoong shrugged and shook his head. "No … that's not what I meant but … but I just came back … and … and … I haven't showered." Hye set her focus on JaeJoong's face, afraid that her mom might have noticed JaeJoong. "Why are you so out of sorts? Did you have fun?" Hye's mom asked her as she stood and walked towards Hye and patted her on her head. Maybe because Hye's mom saw the look on her face she said, "You seemed to have a hard day. Have a good shower and rest early." She said that as she closed the door behind her. Hye had forgotten about something. JaeJoong too had forgotten about it. It was an hour later when Hye came out from her shower, all ready to go to bed. She laid down on her bed and JaeJoong tucked her under her blankets. JaeJoong was about to walk away when … "On the day of my accident, I saw a very bright light that flashed across my face. Then, I heard someone calling out to me. I felt like I had arrived in a very strange place. That place was very peaceful. It was all white initially then there were colours and faces and voices. It felt like a hundred years have passed within that swift moment. I saw everything. I saw you. But it wasn't the you that you are now. I saw myself. But it wasn't the myself now. I saw many other people. I saw Seo too and I saw many other people. I think I saw your parents too but their looks were different. Then the story went on. I saw what happened. Everything that happened …" "I have no idea how to explain about the way of our dressing when we first met. It wasn't modern and we met a couple of times or should I say many times back before? We were lovers before and before that. But our parents objected of our relationship. You seemed to be from a rich family, like you are now and I seemed to be from a family that wasn't so well - off, exactly like what it felt like now. I saw you crying many times and then you were dragged away by people who seemed to be like your parents from before. We were seperated and we wasn't able to meet at all. Then everything ended when your parents tried to arrange for your marriage, forcing you to marry a person that you didn't loved and I have no idea what happened to you after that …" "Then it because different again. This time, we were students. We were not from the same class. I was quite sure I liked you then
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but you didn't seemed to know who I was. I was pretty upset about it, being quiet most of the time. During that time, you had a lover. I was always watching you from far away. You seemed to know that I was watching you but you didn't bothered with me. You had times of happiness with your lover then. But there was one day when the two of your fought and he pushed you onto the floor. You were crying very badly. I hit him out of fury. I consoled you. You started to take notice of my existence. But that was all. You didn't accept my feelings for you. We became slightly closer friends but that was it. Then, you dated someone new after a few months later and everything ended there. I had no idea what happened next. "" This life … I saw you out of that many people. But, it was too late obviously. I saw you when you went for our first showcase, our first concert, our first fan meeting, our first recording live and I saw you at the airport several times. You were even at some of our tour concerts. I saw you a few times when you walked to the supermart near my place. I was always on my way out when I saw you. Why didn't I took more notice? "JaeJoong stared down at the face of Hye. She looked so sweet and peaceful, asleep. JaeJoong sealed a kiss on her forehead as tears rolled down his cheecks. The week passed by peacefully with Hye busy with her training and preparation works that followed after that. JaeJoong was bored by the work that Hye had to do so most of the time he didn't sticked to her. He would appear at her room at night and sometimes she would find him seated at her study desk the next morning. There were times when JaeJoong said he would be back when he failed to. But one thing, Hye was never late for anything due to JaeJoong's help. What exactly was JaeJoong busy with? What exactly did JaeJoong help Hye with? Would life really remain that peaceful as the couple would have liked it? Seo suddenly disapproved of JaeJoong sticking on to Hye and even threatened JaeJoong. Why did she do that?" What's with the vibrant this early in the morning, my princess? Why are you up already? It's hardly past 7am. "Hye's father exclaimed as he put his brief case and coat and wanted to settle down on the chair." Where's Seo? Is she still sleeping? She's always the one who wakes up about this time. "Hye's mom said as she settled herself on the chair opposite Hye. In a swift moment, JaeJoong changed his seat to beside Hye." I think that already happened. "Seo started out of nowhere." Right, Hye? "Seo said as she looked from JaeJoong to Hye in a short 1 second. Hye looked at Seo but she didn't say anything. She knew. She knew that Seo knew about it. Seo probably knew what happened last night and she probably knew about the fact that Hye is now able to see JaeJoong. Hye helped her mother washed the dishes that morning; something that she haven't done so in a long time. She initiated to wash it. JaeJoong was seated on the table beside her the whole time and watching her while she washed." No, I just like how your back looks when you wash the dishes. "JaeJoong said as he stood up and moved towards Hye. He leaned his back against the wall and he's now facing the side of Hye's left." There's somewhere I want to go. "Hye shouted from the staircase. She ran up the staircase and into the room. She closed the door behind her. She stared around the room and turned back pull open her door again." This is totally embarassing! "Hye shouted at the top of her voice. She draw the blanklet away from her and JaeJoong appeared in front of her covering her mouth." This looks nice … No … Not that bottom … that doesn't match … No … NO … That looks fine … Hmm …. "JaeJoong started commenting as Hye chose clothes to wear while lying sideways on Hye's bed. Hye nodded feeling slightly sorry that she doubted JaeJoong. She walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She wasn't trying to be quick about her bath and had took about 45 minutes. She stepped out of her bathroom, all ready, only to find JaeJoong gone. Hye pushed herself away from him and wiped off her tears. She was slightly angry. She totally ignored JaeJoong, picked up her bag and head of downstairs. Her mother was sitting at the sofa in front of the TV, folding clothes." Alright! Alright. I shadn't tease you then. "JaeJoong had put both his hands in front of his chest in case Hye would hit him. JaeJoong followed behind Hye as she walked down the long passage to where the bus stop is. A route that he felt so familar walking down the same path for since he was with Hye. But it was a different feeling today. He had purposely chose to
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walk behind Hye and Hye had turned back several times to urge him to walk beside her but he ignored it and urged that she should just walk ahead. He liked walking behind her, staring at her back. That kind of feeling felt so familar. It has happened before. He liked how it is now. He liked the fact that Hye loves him and how glad he was that he found Hye. Although he regretted that he had found her only after he was dead. He loves Hye. He remembered how much he loved her and how much he loves her now. But, Hye only remembered who Kim JaeJoong was. What is the past that Hye and JaeJoong shared in the past? What was the flashback that JaeJoong had when he realized that he was going to die. What could a ghost - human relationship come to? For the next couple of days, Hye remained very silent. There were a lot of things weighing on her mind. Seo knew what was it and she was wise to choose not to speak of it. JaeJoong kept following them around wherever they go. Seo was irritated but she couldn't show it lest Hye realized she was irritated and start to question about it. Mom and Dad did notice the change in the girls and they questioned Seo about it but Seo eased their mind with her own logic. "I'm not alone. We're not alone." Hye paused for a moment before she continued, "You said before that he's here for me. He's following me around, isn't he?" "Seo! Seo! Seo! This is not the bus home. Why is she taking the bus? Why are you taking it with her? She shouldn't take the bus. You're supposed to walk home!" JaeJoong was talking non - stop as soon as Hye settled herself down on a window seat and Seo went to settle down beside her. JaeJoong sat on a single seat that was in front of them. That night, Hye went online after dinner to search about all the possibilities. JaeJoong was watching her doing that. He couldn't do anything to stop her. There was nothing that he could do except for the fact that he existed yet Hye was unable to see him. "I know you're around, Oppa." Hye started after she got tired of searching on the website. None of the results that came out satisfied her curiousity. "I know you know every single moment of mine. But I don't see you. I don't feel you. I don't hear you." Hye was trying very hard to calm her voice. "Why is it that you're related to me yet I can't see you but Seo can? Can she even hear you? Or perhaps even feel you?" "I don't know about all these either. But it seems only Seo is able to see me so far. I didn't come here to upset you." "Oppa … Won't you say something? I think I'm crazy trying to speak to someone I don't even see or feel." It was getting harder to try to control Hye's emotions now. She placed her legs in front of her chest and rested her head on her knees. It was at this moment that Hye started to tear up so badly. She was crying so hard in silent that it hurt JaeJoong so much. He started to pace around the room. He thought about finding Seo. But she wasn't the best person to approach now. He tried to think of ways to console Hye but there was nothing that he could do; she can't see him, can't feel him and can't hear him. "Hye! Hye! It's me! Kim JaeJoong! I'm here! Can you hear me?!" JaeJoong was screaming at the top of his voice. "Why can't there be something done about this?! How can I stop you from crying? What could I do to stop you from being upset?" He paced around the room more and he tried to approach Hye but he didn't touch her. He was watching over her tearing up so badly but there was nothing that could be done to stop that. He hated himself for being so useless. Hye was weeping so badly that her throat ran dry and she was starting to cough. JaeJoong moved to stand behind her wanting to give her a pat on her back. He tried. It failed. Hye continued to weep and cough. JaeJoong moved to stand on her right and that was the same time when Hye stood up, wanting to move to her bed. "What is that for?" Hye questioned herself. She wiped her eyes that have been blurred by tears. Her vision didn't quite come through. She picked a few pieces of the tissue off the tissue box and cleaned it such that her eyes became dry. Hye went totally quiet and she stared blankly at the space in front of her. JaeJoong turned around to see if there was anything behind him. There was none. He walked towards the door and tried to listen for footsteps. No one was approaching. He was worried that Seo would jump in any moment. The clock hit 12midnight.
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JaeJoong stared up at Hye, looking at her face, into her eyes. He went to stand at the opposite side of the bed. Hye was moving herself away from her table and towards her side of the bed. JaeJoong noticed her eyes. Hye tried to set her focus. She sat down on her bed and tucked herself into the blanket. JaeJoong stood still and watched her as she did. She didn't speak again. "There are a lot of things I want to know. What does Seo means when she said we're related? Why are you dead yet you're here? How did you come to know about me? How did you manage to find me here? How was it possible that …" "I'm sorry … It's just that I've wanted to know all these and I get to see you now. This could be my only chance and I need to know about all these. I think I'm going crazy. And what about …" There were a lot of questions that she had to clear. There wasn't time. She didn't know when JaeJoong would disappear on her again. She didn't want to waste a moment sleeping away. She wasn't allowing him to disappear on her. There was no certainty because JaeJoong have no idea either if Hye would be able to continuously be able to see him, hear him and feel him or is there a time limit for all these. Hye stayed up the whole night and cleared her doubts. But there was one doubt which she had no answer to. JaeJoong did not have the answer either. They could only wait; wait for dawn to break. What will happen when the sun rises? Check it out Part 8: I will protect you …. Comment [FanFic] Part 6: You found me first before. It's my turn now. That night, Hye did not sleep well. She was very certain that she had dreamed about something a lot but she wasn't able to remember it after she woke up. It was bothering her because it was something important yet she didn't manage to remember it. She was sulky the whole morning and was not in her usual self. Seo felt so frustrated that she ran in front of Hye and looked her right into her eyes. "What's wrong?" She asked being concerned but she sounded slightly pissed. Hye isn't someone who would keep anything from Seo. And there was something else that annoyed Seo. He has been following Hye around in their house the whole morning and now, even when Hye is out in the streets. "Hye ~ something must be going on in your mind. Tell me! You're not even bringing Luis for a walk today." Seo glanced over Hye's shoulders, at him. He gave Seo the what - did - I - do expression and tried to avoid eye contact. Seo ignored that and walked along with Hye. Seo tried to keep quiet but Hye's actions just bothered her too much for her to remain silent for long. "Seo, why are you so noisy today?" Hye sounded slight frustrated. She turned and look at her sister. Hye don't know if she should be telling all that to Seo. As she walked, she realized that she reached the park near their house. She took a seat at one of the benches and Seo settled down beside her. He was with them all this while. "I had a dream last night. A weird dream. As I remembered, it lasted very long. I dreamed about a face. But it was very blurred I can't tell who he was. We were very close … like lovers maybe?" Hye turned and looked at her Seo's face. Seo urged her to carry on. "I don't know … I can't really remember … All I know was the person in my dream … He's someone who I liked a lot … But I don't have …" Hye and Seo sat there for a moment enjoying the bask while Hye clears her mind. He moved to seat in the shade near the tree opposite where the girls are seated. Seo continued to glare at him. That very night, Hye had the same dream again. Kim JaeJoong was in the room with her. He come to know what the dream was all about and who was the one who caused it. But it wasn't really within his control. He sat there, beside Hye, watching her as she slept and as she dreamed about them being together. He moved forward to touch her on the face. She felt warm. Some intense feeling went through Kim JaeJoong and he removed his hand from her face. Another flashback. He had seen something that he shouldn't. "I don't …" Hye was trying to think back about the unusual things that she sometimes see. The unusual that she doesn't talk to Seo about it. "How long has he been here? Why is he here? Who is it that he's looking for? How did he come to our house?" Hye was just shooting all questions that came to her mind at Seo and at Kim JaeJoong. She had come to know. Her reaction wasn't that of what Seo had
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imagined. And of course, Kim JaeJoong wouldn't know that she would had reacted so. She wasn't able to see him in his original form anyways. "Hye … I'll tell you what you want to know. What I've come to realize. Let's go inside before we wake up mom and dad." Seo tucked Hye into her bed and settled down beside her while she sat beside her, tucked into the blankets. Kim JaeJoong was standing up and looking down at the two of them. Seo was hoping that he could have seated down so he wouldn't irritate her further. It was like the start of a Q & A. "She shouldn't be asking all these. And you shouldn't be telling her all these." Kim JaeJoong was interrupting them. But it was only Seo who could hear him clearly and she has chose to totally ignored him. Kim JaeJoong sat down, crossed arm on the floor as Seo continued to stare at Hye. He was mad … But he wasn't mad at Hye or Seo. He was mad at something else that he couldn't exactly tell what it was. "I don't know. I have … I can't … I don't know …" Hye started to cry and she went to hide under her blankets. Has Seo told Hye too many things? So much that Hye shouldn't even know? Will Hye eventually be able to see him as what she wanted? How was it that she would be able to see him? Would Seo be approving about all these? Seo left Hye's room when dawn broke that morning. She kept trying to figure out what was it that she felt the previous night that kept her awake the whole night. She felt the need to be stronger so she could protect Hye. Hye didn't leave her room at all that day and Seo was very worried that Hye is taking the matter in too hard but she also knew that nothing she say will get into the brains of Hye's. Seo went into Hye's room from time to time to check on Hye but she didn't move an inch. Seo was frustrated after several tries and she went to pull Hye out of bed only she realized Hye was running a fever. Freaked out, she called their family doctor. Seo cooked something light for Hye and fed her medicine. That night, Seo slept by Hye's bed side. Hye was sick for continuously two days. Hye felt better on the third night and was awake in the middle of the night. She saw Seo sleeping beside her bed and tired to get off bed with cautious. Hye went to open the door only to see something running away from her door. Freaked out, she let out a scream. Hye's scream woke Seo and Seo ran towards her sister. Seo went to check around the house but didn't notice anything unsual. She couldn't find anything unusual because that object had went to hid behind the kitchen. Feeling unsafe to leave Hye alone, Seo went back up. "There was nothing there." Seo assured Hye but was unsure about that fact. She didn't show that on her face; afraid to freak Hye out. But Seo was determined to find out exactly what that was. "There's nothing. Now, why are you awake at this hour? Are you feeling any better?" Seo asked gently as she moved her hand to touch Hye's forehead. "Seems like you're not having any fever anymore." "Yeah. I don't know how to explain it. Just light feeling. Maybe because of the fever, I was feeling heavy the last couple of days." Seo went down to the kitchen and also to check around the house once more. She wasn't able to detect anything special. She made it quick and ran back upstairs, made sure Hye finished her milk and tugged her under her blackets. Next day, Hye was feeling all better and insisted that she would go back to work the following day. Their parents wanted Hye to rest more but Seo assured them that Hye would be alright. But the fact was, Seo didn't want Hye to be staying in the house whole day. Seo drove Hye to work and back home for the next couple of days. Nothing special happened the next couple of days. Seo was in fact worried about Hye because her reaction at the hospital and after she came back home was totally different. Hye didn't even bothered with reading the news about it nor did Seo see Hye searching on the internet about it. Being Hye's sister, Seo was extremely worried for Hye but she wouldn't ask Hye directly. Hye looked like she was braine washed and her no recollection about the incident. "Had the shock been too big?" was what Seo was worried about. That night, Seo had a lot of work to clear so she brought them home. She could have done it in the office but felt the need to keep Hye company. During times like these, Seo would really be a nice sister to have. Seo was working deep into the night when she thought she heard some noise. She dropped everything and went towards Hye's room to check on her. She was shocked to see what she had
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found walking outside Hye's door. She approached the figure. The figure sensed her and tried running away. "Don't try to run!" Seo raised her voice slightly. "What are you? I know you've been here couple of days now. What do you want from Hye?" She spoke to the back of the figure. The figure refused to turn so Seo had no choice but to take a closer look. She saw someone she knew. "I don't believe my sister know you." Seo wasn't convinced but it didn't seemed like a lie to her. Everything was so puzzling. "Talking to? I wasn't talking." Seo was trying to confuse Hye by denying. "Go back to sleep. It's only 3am." Hye rubbed her eyes, noded and went back to her bed. After checking that Hye went back to sleep, Seo went back to her working desk. She lost all her concentration. "Life after death. What was that about?" Seo was very curious about it so she tried to do a search online and out came many results. She read through most of them which made her even more confused because there were so many different theories so she had no idea which was true. She was determined to find out. Seo, she was over protective for Hye so rather than having fear that night, she felt more courage in her. It wasn't the first time tht she had seen things that didn't existed. She had seen her grandfather after he had passed away or sometimes when they go to attend funerals, she'd see or sense things. These didn't bother her at all. She wasn't ready to accept things as she had seens and neither did she have anyone she could ask. Looking at the direction that Seo was staring at, she said, "No matter who you are. Or no matter what you are. I can't see a single thing. But don't you dare bother Seo." Seo was shocked at Hye's statement because it was the first time that Seo had seen Hye acting this way. Altough it wasn't the first time that Seo had seen things, Seo was certain that Hye wasn't able to see or sense what she was always able to. Seo was sure that Hye was different from her. Seo had no idea how to react to this issue because she had no idea what he meant by "I am here for her." and "… relationship we shared before." Seo was feeling very uneasy about it but she couldn't show it on her face to get Hye suspicious. Seo had come to know that she was able to see things after her grandfather's death when she was young but she had always thought that she was the only one who see them and if she figured if she had no reaction to that, no body would find out eventually. Hye, she had no idea who Seo was talking to but she knew that something was there. She wasn't able to see anything but she was able to sense something. What Seo didn't know about Hye was, although Seo was able to see things, Hye was able to sense them. But because of Hye's cheerful personality, she didn't show it at all. What Hye didn't know was that she was actually staring at the person she had loved, loves and will love - Kim Jae Joong. Will Seo tell Hye that Kim Jae Joong was actually there that night? Or would Kim Jae Joong tell Hye personally? Or will Hye be able to find out about it herself eventually? Will Hye ever get to know about it and will she ever get to meet Kim Jae Joong?
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"Remember, go straight to Grandma's house," her mother cautioned. "Don't dawdle along the way and please don't talk to strangers! The woods are dangerous." "Oh thank goodness dear! Come in, come in! I was worried sick that something had happened to you in the forest," said Grandma thinking that the knock was her granddaughter. A few minutes later, Red Riding Hood knocked on the door. The wolf jumped into bed and pulled the covers over his nose. "Who is it?" he called in a cackly voice. Every man would have given anything, including his life, to marry her. Indeed, their lives are just what they did give, for Fate had decided that no mortal would every marry the Snow Queen. But in spite of that, many brave souls did their best to approach her, hoping always to persuade her. Without the slightest emotion, the Queen would watch the scene, her heart of ice unable to feel anything at all. The legend of the crystal palace and the beautiful heartless Queen spread as far as the most distant alpine valley, the home of a fearless chamois hunter. Fascinated by the tale, he decided to set out and try his luck. Leaving his valley, he journeyed for days on end, climbing the snowclad mountain faces, scaling icebound peaks and defying the bitterly cold wind that swept through the alpine gullies. Summoning all his courage, the young man entered the Throne Room. But he was so struck by the Snow Queen's beauty that he could not utter a word. Shy and timid, he did not dare speak. So he knelt in admiration before the Queen for hours on end, without opening his mouth. The Queen looked at him silently, thinking all the while that, provided he did not ask her hand in marriage, there was no need to call the goblins. Then, to her great surprise, she discovered that his behaviour touched her heart. She realised she was becoming quite fond of this hunter, much younger and more handsome than her other suitors. Time passed and the Snow Queen dared not admit, not even to herself, that she would actually like to marry the young man. Seeing that the Queen was slow to give the order to get rid of her suitor, the goblins decided to take matters into their own hands. One night, as dusk fell, they slipped out of the cracks in the rock and clustered round the young chamois hunter. Then they hurled him into the abyss. The Snow Queen watched the whole scene from the window, but there was nothing she could do to stop them. However, her icy heart melted, and the beautiful cruel fairy suddenly became a woman. One upon a time, there was a king who was sick. All the doctors in his kingdom and outside could not provide a remedy for his disease and he continued to suffer until he fell very ill. The best of the medicine men saw no hope for him and predicted that there was about a month or so for him to live. "I cannot say that. Her face is not very clear, but she is certainly not the queen. But I see you living with this woman in a healthy state." Shortly after his death, an woman came to the palace and told the king's mother that she could make him live again. She asked for permission to be admitted into the room where the king's corpse had been kept. This was readily granted and while Maria, the queen, was busy superintending the preparations for burial and getting ready the collation for the mourners, this woman put her hand on the king's head and uttered some magic words. Soon the king arose, but he had lost his memory. He embraced the woman tightly and spoke many sweet words to her. News soon spread across the land that the king had fallen in love with a woman and could not recognize his own wife Maria. Meanwhile, the woman forced the queen to obey her and work as a slave in the kitchen, while she wore the queen's robes and lay on the queen's couch. Maria, being a gentle woman by nature and due to her gratitude to the woman for reviving her husband, obeyed her orders without any protest and suffered silently. But the royal astrologer could not bear this. One day, as the woman forced the queen to mop the floors, he went to the king and told him about all that happened after his death. The king was at first disbelieving, but then he slowly began to remember it all. When Maria was brought to him, he could finally recognize her as the real queen. Infuriated beyond words, he called for the woman who was his life - giver and said to her, Soon the guests arrived. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends came carrying even more presents. Marie ran to greet her godfather. He was an odd - looking man. He was tall and thin. He wore a black patch over one eye and a frizzy white wig on his head. He looked magical and spooky. But he was a wonderful godfather. He always came with amazing toys that he had invented himself. The soldier marched around the room! Left, right, left. right. As the key
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turned, he marched slower and slower. Then he jerked to a stop. The Godfather looked under the tree. He picked up his present for Marie and gave it to her. It was a nutcracker shaped like a little man. Marie knew at once that the nutcracker was special. His legs were too short. His head was too big. He wore a fine purple suit with brass buttons. On his head was a funny little hat. His eyes were kind and gentle. He had a white beard and a wonderful smile. After the party was over and everybody was in bed, Marie could not sleep. She tiptoed downstairs into the dark living room. It was so, so quiet …… and then …. "Godfather, you scared me!" cried Marie. But before she could say another word, the most amazing thing happened. The Christmas tree began to grow. It grew bigger and bigger - and bigger. The door of the toy chest flew open. Out popped toy soldiers, puppets and dolls. They were led by Nutcracker. Now he was the same size as Marie. Marie and the prince went into the palace. They sat together on a golden throne in a crystal room. All the people in the land of sweets appeared. One by one they performed their special dances for the prince and Marie. Chinese dancers jumped out of a giant teapot and did a lively dance. From Russia came the dancing candy canes. From France came Mother Ginger and her little puppets. They ran out from under her skirt and did a playful dance. Once upon a time, there lived a wood cutter and his wife who had three sons. The eldest two were strong and tall, and their mother and father were always telling them how handsome and clever they were. But the youngest son was just a bit simple in the head. He wasn't very tall, and he wasn't very strong, and his family thought he was good for nothing. They hardly ever called him by his real name, but instead they gave him a cruel nickname. They called him Dummy, because they said he was stupid. One day the eldest son wanted to go to the forest to cut wood. The mother praised him for being such a useful boy and before he set out, she gave him some of her best fruit cake for his lunch, and a bottle lemonade to wash it down. While the boy was walking through the forest, he met a little grey old man who said to him: And the little grey old man went away, but not without taking his revenge. He put a curse on the boy, so that when he started to cut a tree down, his axe slipped and went into his leg. The boy limped home to his mother who washed his wound and bandaged him. The next day, the second eldest son went out to the forest to cut wood. Before he set out, his mother praised him for being such a useful boy, but especially asked him to be careful with the axe, so as not to have a nasty accident like his brother. The boy promised not to be careless, and his mother gave him some of her best sponge cake for his lunch, and a bottle of lemonade to wash it down. It happened that as the boy was walking through the woods, he came across the same little gray old man. The man said to him, "Do please share your sponge cake and your lemonade with me, for I am so terribly weak with hunger and thirst." And the boy said; And the little grey old man went away, but not without taking his revenge. Not long after, when the boy was cutting down a tree, his axe flew out of his hand and hit him on the head. He crawled home to his mother who bandaged up his wound and asked him why he had not kept his promise to be more careful. "Since you have a good heart, and have shared what you have with me, I will give you a reward. You see that old tree over there. Cut it down with your axe and you will find something of value inside its hollow trunk." And so the boy decided to run away from home. He put the golden goose under his arm and set out for the town. Then he went to the inn, intending to stay there. He stood at the bar and asked the innkeeper if he would accept a golden feather as payment for his board and lodgings. When the innkeeper, saw the golden goose, he readily agreed. But after the boy had gone to bed he said to his three daughters: After the clock struck midnight, she sneaked into the boy's room, and saw that he was asleep with his arm around the golden goose. She crept up and tried to pluck a feather. But the feather wouldn't budge, and when she tried to take her hand away, she found that she was stuck to it. She couldn't move, and she couldn't cry out for fear of waking the boy. She had to stay where she was, on her knees by the bed, with her hand on the feather. The boy and the goose slept soundly through all of this. In the morning the boy got
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up, paid his bill with a golden feather, and left with inn with the goose under his arm. The sisters had no choice but to follow on behind him. A pretty procession they made. Further up the road they met a Police Sergeant. The Bishop called out to him "Sergeant: Help me get free from this young woman's shoulder. I'm stuck to her and people are bound to start all kinds of gossip about it!" 'What's this town coming to? "cried the Mayor." The Bishop and the police sergeant following three young girls who are following a young boy, all holding on to each other in a most unseemly fashion. Have they gone mad? "The boy led the little line of townspeople along up the road, and at the top of the hill they passed the King's Palace. Now the King's daughter was very beautiful, but she had the saddest face in the whole wide world. She had never laughed and not once even smiled. The king was so troubled by the young Princess's unhappiness, that he had made a special law. Whosoever could make her laugh and smile would win her hand in marriage. As the boy known as Dummy went past the palace, he still held the golden goose under his arm, and he was followed by the innkeeper's three daughters, the Bishop, the Police Sergeant, and the Mayor. The Princess looked out at saw the important people in their uniforms being tugged along behind three girls and a boy with a goose, and she thought that it was the first thing she had seen in her life that was truly funny. She burst out laughing and ran, still giggling, to her father to tell him all about what she had seen. When the King looked out of his window and saw the procession, he couldn't help laughing himself. He sent for his guards and told them to bring the boy and his followers directly to him. When the boy entered the King's chamber, with the followers behind him, the Mayor, the Bishop and the Policeman all called out angrily that he should pay for his crime with his head. The King, still laughing, said that on the contrary - he would be rewarded with the hand in marriage of his daughter the Princess. Once upon a time the king held a great feast and invited all her suitors. They all sat in a row, ranged according to their rank - - kings and princes and dukes and earls and counts and barons and knights. When the princess came in, as she passed by them, she had something spiteful to say to each one. The sixth was not straight enough; so she said he was like a green stick that had been laid to dry over a baker's oven. She had some joke to crack about every one. But she laughed most of all at a good king who was there. At twilight, he clambered down over the wall into the garden of the enchantress, hastily clutched a handful of rampion, and took it to his wife. She at once made herself a salad of it, and ate it greedily. It tasted so good to her - so very good, that the next day she longed for it three times as much as before. Rapunzel grew into the most beautiful child under the sun. When she was twelve years old, the enchantress shut her into a tower in the middle of a forest. The tower had neither stairs nor door, but near the top was a little window. When the enchantress wanted to go in, she placed herself beneath it and cried: After a year or two, it came to pass that the king's son rode through the forest and passed by the tower. Then he heard a song, which was so charming that he stood still and listened. It was Rapunzel, who in her solitude passed her time in letting her sweet voice resound. The king's son wanted to climb up to her, and looked for the door of the tower, but none was to be found. He rode home, but the singing had so deeply touched his heart, that every day he went out into the forest and listened to it. Ah! you wicked child,' cried the enchantress. 'What do I hear you say! I thought I had separated you from all the world, and yet you have deceived me!' He wandered quite blind about the forest, ate nothing but roots and berries, and did naught but lament and weep over the loss of his dearest wife. Thus he roamed about in misery for some years, and at length came to the desert where Rapunzel, with the twins to which she had given birth, a boy and a girl, lived in wretchedness. He heard a voice, and it seemed so familiar to him that he went towards it, and when he approached, Rapunzel knew him and fell on his neck and wept. Two of her tears wetted his eyes and they grew clear again, and he could see with them as before. He led her to his kingdom where he was joyfully received, and they lived for a long time afterwards, happy and contented There was a king who had twelve beautiful daughters. They slept in twelve beds all in one room and when they went
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to bed, the doors were shut and locked up. However, every morning their shoes were found to be quite worn through as if they had been danced in all night. Nobody could find out how it happened, or where the princesses had been. A king's son soon came. He was well entertained, and in the evening was taken to the chamber next to the one where the princesses lay in their twelve beds. There he was to sit and watch where they went to dance; and, in order that nothing could happen without him hearing it, the door of his chamber was left open. But the king's son soon fell asleep; and when he awoke in the morning he found that the princesses had all been dancing, for the soles of their shoes were full of holes. Down they all went, and at the bottom they found themselves in a most delightful grove of trees; and the leaves were all of silver, and glittered and sparkled beautifully. The soldier wished to take away some token of the place; so he broke off a little branch, and there came a loud noise from the tree. Then the youngest daughter said again, 'I am sure all is not right - - did not you hear that noise? That never happened before.' They came to another grove of trees, where all the leaves were of gold; and afterwards to a third, where the leaves were all glittering diamonds. And the soldier broke a branch from each; and every time there was a loud noise, which made the youngest sister tremble with fear. But the eldest still said it was only the princes, who were crying for joy. Ta - Khai, Prince of Tartary, dreamed one night that he saw in a place where he had never been before an enchantingly beautiful young maiden who could only be a princess. He fell desperately in love with her, but before he could either move or speak, she had vanished. When he awoke he called for his ink and brushes, and drew her image on a piece of precious silk, and in one corner he wrote these lines: So displeased was the prince that he sent them away in disgrace to the most remote provinces of his kingdom. All the courtiers, the generals, the officers, and every man and woman, high and low, who lived in the palace came in turn to look at the picture. But they all had to confess their ignorance. Ta - Khai then called upon the magicians of the kingdom to find out in magic ways the name of the princess of his dreams, but their answers were so widely different that the prince condemned them all to have their noses cut off. The portrait was shown in the outer court of the palace from sunrise till sunset, and travellers from all over the world came in every day, gazed upon the beautiful face, and came out again. No - one could tell who she was. It was in this way, one day, that he came to the edge of a cliff. The valley below was scattered with rocks, and the thought came to his mind that he had been led to this place to put and to his misery. He was about to throw himself into the depths below when suddenly a Phoenix flew across the valley and appeared before him, saying: "Without the help of Supreme Heaven it is not easy to acquire wisdom, but it is a sign that Heaven has sent me to help you. I can make myself large enough to carry the largest town upon my back, or small enough to pass through the smallest keyhole, and I know all the princesses in all the palaces of the earth. They all know my song, and I am their friend. Therefore show me the picture, Ta - Khai, and I will tell you the name of the princess you saw in your dream." At nightfall they were flying over the palace of the king just above a magnificent garden. And in the garden sat Sai - Jen, singing and playing upon the lute. The Phoenix deposited the prince outside the wall near a place where bamboos were growing and showed him how to cut twelve bamboos between the knots to make a flute with a sound sweeter than the evening breeze on the forest stream. At that moment the wonderful bird, like a fire of many colours come down from heaven, landed in front of the princess, dropping at her feet the portrait. She opened her eyes in utter astonishment at the sight of her own image. And when she had read the lines inscribed in the corner, she asked, trembling: One day, the priest needed the boy to bring him something from the market. He looked everywhere but could not find him. At last, he peeped through one of the church windows to take a look inside and found the boy playing with someone. He opened the door quietly to find that the boy's playmate was none other than the statue of the child Jesus. The white alabaster sculplture had somehow come alive. It had left its shrine and was down on the floor talking and playing with the boy. "Yes, I met him sire. I asked my friend if my master will go to glory in heaven? But he said that you will not, because you have neglected your father
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and mother. "When the padre heard this, he went back to his poor old father and mother whom he had neglected till then. He brought them to where he lived and treated them with utmost kindness, love and respect. He lavished on them every care and did not let anyone else do even the least bit for them. When he saw the joy that his parents recieved because of his kindness towards them, his own happiness stopped having any meaning for him. Slowly, he began to have a change of heart and he stopped thinking about any heavenly reward. All day and night, he thought of ways to make his parents happier than they were. It was not the thought of heaven, but the thought of his parents' happiness that led him to do more and more for them. The priest was very sad. He could not get over his grief at the loss of his parents for days. But one night, he was awakened from his sleep by his son, who had grown a little older by then. The boy told him to listen. There was a soft and lovely music that seemed to be playing all over the convent. The gift was brought in during a royal audience. The courtiers vied with each other in their admiration of the marvelous fruits. Trang Quynh was there, as he was an official too. He went up to the peaches, picked up one, carried it to his mouth and bit into it with relish." Well, sire, seeing these peaches called longevity. I wanted to eat one, because I wanted to live as long as possible. But I hadn't even eaten a quarter, when already death, without a word of warning, came and grasped me by the neck. This leads me to conclude that if Your Majesty commits the fatal mistake of eating all the remaining peaches, you can imagine what will happen. "While she was there, she met a handsome young man named Liang Shan Bo. They became best friends and spent most of their time together, sharing a love of learning and enjoying each other's company. Liang never guessed that Zhu was actually a girl. Time passed, and soon the young people had finished their studies and were ready to go home. Zhu realised that she had grown to love her best friend, but of course she could not tell him. Instead, she came up with a clever plan. She told Liang that she had a pretty younger sister of 16 years who was sure to please him and make him happy. She suggested that Liang visit the family to meet, and possibly marry, the younger sister. He agreed eagerly. Zhu travelled home, happy that soon she would be seeing her friend again. A long year passed. Zhu almost gave up hope, but one happy day Liang arrived to meet the family. As soon as Liang saw Zhu he realised who she was, and he was overjoyed to find that she loved him. For a brief time, the couple were happy in each other's love and looked forward to a future together. Their happiness was short - lived. Zhu's father announced that he had arranged for her to marry a rich man. Zhu pleaded with her father to change his mind, but he would not relent. Liang must leave immediately. Poor Liang left, heart - broken and alone. Soon, in his despair, he grew ill, and died. Zhu heard of his death and she, too, was heart - broken. But she could do nothing to stop the arrangements for her marriage to the rich man. When the time for the wedding came, she travelled along the road on which Liang had died. Soon, her wedding procession came to Liang's grave. The skies grew stormy and the winds howled around the wedding procession as Zhu sobbed, wishing that she could join her true love rather than marry the rich man. Suddenly, it seemed that her prayers had been answered. A huge bolt of lightning struck the grave and it split open. In a flash, Zhu threw herself into the grave, so that she could be with Liang forever. As suddenly as the lightning had struck, the storm disappeared and the skies cleared. Two beautiful butterflies were seen rising out of the grave and dancing together in the sunshine. Liang and Zhu were together, and would never be separated again. The story takes place in Baghdad during the Abbasid era. Ali Baba and his elder brother Cassim are the sons of a merchant. After the death of their father, the greedy Cassim marries a wealthy woman and becomes well - to - do, building on their father's business - but Ali Baba marries a poor woman and settles into the trade of a woodcutter. One day Ali Baba is at work collecting and cutting firewood in the forest, and he happens to overhear a group of forty thieves visiting their treasure store. The treasure is in a cave, the mouth of which is sealed by magic. It opens on the words" Open, Simsim ", and seals itself on the words" Close, Simsim ". When the thieves are gone, Ali Baba enters the cave himself, and takes some of the treasure home. Ali Baba borrows his sister - in - law's scales to weigh this new wealth of gold coins. Unbeknownst
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to Ali, she puts a blob of wax in the scales to find out what Ali is using them for, as she is curious to know what kind of grain her impoverished brother - in - law needs to measure. To her shock, she finds a gold coin sticking to the scales and tells her husband, Ali Baba's rich and greedy brother, Cassim. Under pressure from his brother, Ali Baba is forced to reveal the secret of the cave. Cassim goes to the cave and enters with the magic words, but in his greed and excitement over the treasures forgets the magic words to get back out again. The thieves find him there, and kill him. When his brother does not come back, Ali Baba goes to the cave to look for him, and finds the body, quartered and with each piece displayed just inside the entrance of the cave to discourage any similar attempts in the future. Ali Baba brings the body home, where he entrusts Morgiana, a clever slave - girl in Cassim's household, with the task of making others believe that Cassim has died a natural death. First, Morgiana purchases medicines from an apothecary, telling him that Cassim is gravely ill. Then, she finds an old tailor known as Baba Mustafa whom she pays, blindfolds, and leads to Cassim's house. There, overnight, the tailor stitches the pieces of Cassims' body back together, so that no one will be suspicious. Ali and his family are able to give Cassim a proper burial without anyone asking awkward questions. The thieves, finding the body gone, realize that yet another person must know their secret, and set out to track him down. One of the thieves goes down to the town and comes across Baba Mustafa, who mentions that he has just sewn a dead man's body back together. Realizing that the dead man must have been the thieves' victim, the thief asks Baba Mustafa to lead the way to the house where the deed was performed. The tailor is blindfolded again, and in this state he is able to retrace his steps and find the house. The thief marks the door with a symbol. The plan is for the other thieves to come back that night and kill everyone in the house. However, the thief has been seen by Morgiana and she, loyal to her master, foils his plan by marking all the houses in the neighborhood with a similar marking. When the 40 thieves return that night, they cannot identify the correct house and the head thief kills the lesser thief. The next day, another thief revisits Baba Mustafa and tries again, only this time, a chunk is chipped out of the stone step at Ali Baba's front door. Again Morgiana foils the plan by making similar chips in all the other doorsteps. The second thief is killed for his stupidity as well. At last, the head thief goes and looks for himself. This time, he memorizes every detail he can of the exterior of Ali Baba's house. The chief of the thieves pretends to be an oil merchant in need of Ali Baba's hospitality, bringing with him mules loaded with thirty - eight oil jars, one filled with oil, the other thirty - seven hiding the other remaining thieves. Once Ali Baba is asleep, the thieves plan to kill him. Again, Morgiana discovers and foils the plan, killing the thirty - seven thieves in their oil jars by pouring boiling oil on them. When their leader comes to rouse his men, he discovers that they are dead, and escapes. To exact revenge, after some time the thief establishes himself as a merchant, befriends Ali Baba's son (who is now in charge of the late Cassim's business), and is invited to dinner at Ali Baba's house. The thief is recognized by Morgiana, who performs a dance with a dagger for the diners and plunges it into the heart of the thief when he is off his guard. Ali Baba is at first angry with Morgiana, but when he finds out the thief tried to kill him, he gives Morgiana her freedom and marries her to his son. Ali Baba is then left as the only one knowing the secret of the treasure in the cave and how to access it. Thus, the story ends happily for everyone except the forty thieves and Cassim. Many years ago, there was an Emperor, who was so excessively fond of new clothes, that he spent all his money in dress. He did not trouble himself in the least about his soldiers; nor did he care to go either to the theatre or the chase, except for the opportunities then afforded him for displaying his new clothes. He had a different suit for each hour of the day; and as of any other king or emperor, one is accustomed to say, "he is sitting in council," it was always said of him, "The Emperor is sitting in his wardrobe." Time passed merrily in the large town which was his capital; strangers arrived every day at the court. One day, two rogues, calling themselves weavers, made their appearance. They gave out that they knew how to weave stuffs of the most beautiful colors and elaborate patterns, the clothes manufactured from which should have the wonderful property of remaining invisible to everyone who was unfit for the
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office he held, or who was extraordinarily simple in character. "These must, indeed, be splendid clothes!" thought the Emperor. "Had I such a suit, I might at once find out what men in my realms are unfit for their office, and also be able to distinguish the wise from the foolish! This stuff must be woven for me immediately." And he caused large sums of money to be given to both the weavers in order that they might begin their work directly. "I should like to know how the weavers are getting on with my cloth," said the Emperor to himself, after some little time had elapsed; he was, however, rather embarrassed, when he remembered that a simpleton, or one unfit for his office, would be unable to see the manufacture. To be sure, he thought he had nothing to risk in his own person; but yet, he would prefer sending somebody else, to bring him intelligence about the weavers, and their work, before he troubled himself in the affair. All the people throughout the city had heard of the wonderful property the cloth was to possess; and all were anxious to learn how wise, or how ignorant, their neighbors might prove to be. So the faithful old minister went into the hall, where the knaves were working with all their might, at their empty looms. "What can be the meaning of this?" thought the old man, opening his eyes very wide. "I cannot discover the least bit of thread on the looms." However, he did not express his thoughts aloud. The impostors requested him very courteously to be so good as to come nearer their looms; and then asked him whether the design pleased him, and whether the colors were not very beautiful; at the same time pointing to the empty frames. The poor old minister looked and looked, he could not discover anything on the looms, for a very good reason, viz: there was nothing there. "What!" thought he again. "Is it possible that I am a simpleton? I have never thought so myself; and no one must know it now if I am so. Can it be, that I am unfit for my office? No, that must not be said either. I will never confess that I could not see the stuff." "We shall be much obliged to you," said the impostors, and then they named the different colors and described the pattern of the pretended stuff. The old minister listened attentively to their words, in order that he might repeat them to the Emperor; and then the knaves asked for more silk and gold, saying that it was necessary to complete what they had begun. However, they put all that was given them into their knapsacks; and continued to work with as much apparent diligence as before at their empty looms. "I certainly am not stupid!" thought the messenger. "It must be, that I am not fit for my good, profitable office! That is very odd; however, no one shall know anything about it." And accordingly he praised the stuff he could not see, and declared that he was delighted with both colors and patterns. "Indeed, please your Imperial Majesty," said he to his sovereign when he returned, "the cloth which the weavers are preparing is extraordinarily magnificent." "Is not the work absolutely magnificent?" said the two officers of the crown, already mentioned. "If your Majesty will only be pleased to look at it! What a splendid design! What glorious colors!" and at the same time they pointed to the empty frames; for they imagined that everyone else could see this exquisite piece of workmanship. "How is this?" said the Emperor to himself. "I can see nothing! This is indeed a terrible affair! Am I a simpleton, or am I unfit to be an Emperor? That would be the worst thing that could happen - - Oh! the cloth is charming," said he, aloud. "It has my complete approbation." And he smiled most graciously, and looked closely at the empty looms; for on no account would he say that he could not see what two of the officers of his court had praised so much. All his retinue now strained their eyes, hoping to discover something on the looms, but they could see no more than the others; nevertheless, they all exclaimed, "Oh, how beautiful!" and advised his majesty to have some new clothes made from this splendid material, for the approaching procession. "Magnificent! Charming! Excellent!" resounded on all sides; and everyone was uncommonly gay. The Emperor shared in the general satisfaction; and presented the impostors with the riband of an order of knighthood, to be worn in their button - holes, and the title of "Gentlemen Weavers." The rogues sat up the whole of the night before the day on which the procession was to take place, and had sixteen lights burning, so that everyone might see how anxious they were to finish the Emperor's new suit. They pretended to roll the cloth off the looms; cut the air with their scissors; and sewed with needles without any thread in
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them. "See!" cried they, at last. "The Emperor's new clothes are ready!" And now the Emperor, with all the grandees of his court, came to the weavers; and the rogues raised their arms, as if in the act of holding something up, saying, "Here are your Majesty's trousers! Here is the scarf! Here is the mantle! The whole suit is as light as a cobweb; one might fancy one has nothing at all on, when dressed in it; that, however, is the great virtue of this delicate cloth." "How splendid his Majesty looks in his new clothes, and how well they fit!" everyone cried out. "What a design! What colors! These are indeed royal robes!" So now the Emperor walked under his high canopy in the midst of the procession, through the streets of his capital; and all the people standing by, and those at the windows, cried out, "Oh! How beautiful are our Emperor's new clothes! What a magnificent train there is to the mantle; and how gracefully the scarf hangs!" in short, no one would allow that he could not see these much - admired clothes; because, in doing so, he would have declared himself either a simpleton or unfit for his office. Certainly, none of the Emperor's various suits, had ever made so great an impression, as these invisible ones. "But he has nothing at all on!" at last cried out all the people. The Emperor was vexed, for he knew that the people were right; but he thought the procession must go on now! And the lords of the bedchamber took greater pains than ever, to appear holding up a train, although, in reality, there was no train to hold. When I was quite young and living in Jhansi, it must have been 1944 or 1945, we had one of the few telephones in the town. I remember well the polished wooden case, made of teak, fastened on the wall in our living room. The black receiver hung on the side of the box. I even remember the number - 26. I was too little, but used to listen with fascination when my father talked in it. He just lifted the receive and after a wait began talking in it. Once he lifted me up to speak to his fellow officer. Magic! Then I discovered that somewhere inside that wonderful device lived an amazing person - her name was' Number Please 'and there was nothing she did not know. If my father had to catch a train and wanted to know' is it coming at right time? 'Number Please supplied the correct information. My first personal experience with this genie - in - the - receiver came one day while my mother was out shopping. While playing, a table toppled and it's leg fell with a loud thump on my finger.. The pain was terrible but crying was not helping as there was no one in the house. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger when a thought struck me. The telephone! Quickly I pulled a footstool and unhooked the receiver. "Then take a towel. Wet it with the ghara's cold water and hold it tight on your finger. That will stop the pain. And stop crying," she admonished. "It will be all right soon." And there was the time when Gana, our pet Blackbird, died. I called Number Please and told her the sad story. She listened, then said the usual things grown up say to soothe a child. But I was unconsoled:.' Why did a bird who sang so beautifully and bring joy to our lives, have to die? 'In 1967, I was posted to Datia, a town 20 kms from Jhansi, as Collector. On a weekend, I visited Jhansi to relive my childhood. On a impulse I dialed the telephone exchange. Miraculously, I again heard the soft, clear voice I knew so well. "I wonder," she replied "if you know how much you meant to me? You were the same age as my son and your voice sounded similar. Whenever you called, I felt I was speaking to my son. I used to look forward to your calls. Silly, wasn't it?" It didn't seem silly but I didn't say so. Instead I told her I was now Collector, Datia, and living close to Jhansi. Could I call her when I next came to Jhansi? "Of course" she replied. "I am so proud that you are now Collector, Datia." Then in a slow, sad voice she said, "Whenever you come next, just ask for Uma. And if they can't find me just tell them your name. Then they will do something to locate me." She wanted to say something more but there was a long silence. "Good bye, Uma." It sounded strange for Number Please to have a name. "If ever I hurt my finger again, I will know what to do," I said. "Then I'm sorry to have to tell you. Uma was working part time in the last few years
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because she was ill. She died last week. But before I could hang up she said, "Wait a minute. Did you say your name was Anil?" HERE were once five - and - twenty tin soldiers, who were all brothers, for they had been made out of the same old tin spoon. They shouldered arms and looked straight before them, and wore a splendid uniform, red and blue. The first thing in the world they ever heard were the words, "Tin soldiers!" uttered by a little boy, who clapped his hands with delight when the lid of the box, in which they lay, was taken off. They were given him for a birthday present, and he stood at the table to set them up. The soldiers were all exactly alike, excepting one, who had only one leg; he had been left to the last, and then there was not enough of the melted tin to finish him, so they made him to stand firmly on one leg, and this caused him to be very remarkable. The table on which the tin soldiers stood, was covered with other playthings, but the most attractive to the eye was a pretty little paper castle. Through the small windows the rooms could be seen. In front of the castle a number of little trees surrounded a piece of looking - glass, which was intended to represent a transparent lake. Swans, made of wax, swam on the lake, and were reflected in it. All this was very pretty, but the prettiest of all was a tiny little lady, who stood at the open door of the castle; she, also, was made of paper, and she wore a dress of clear muslin, with a narrow blue ribbon over her shoulders just like a scarf. In front of these was fixed a glittering tinsel rose, as large as her whole face. The little lady was a dancer, and she stretched out both her arms, and raised one of her legs so high, that the tin soldier could not see it at all, and he thought that she, like himself, had only one leg. "That is the wife for me," he thought; "but she is too grand, and lives in a castle, while I have only a box to live in, five - and - twenty of us altogether, that is no place for her. Still I must try and make her acquaintance." Then he laid himself at full length on the table behind a snuff - box that stood upon it, so that he could peep at the little delicate lady, who continued to stand on one leg without losing her balance. When evening came, the other tin soldiers were all placed in the box, and the people of the house went to bed. Then the playthings began to have their own games together, to pay visits, to have sham fights, and to give balls. The tin soldiers rattled in their box; they wanted to get out and join the amusements, but they could not open the lid. The nut - crackers played at leap - frog, and the pencil jumped about the table. There was such a noise that the canary woke up and began to talk, and in poetry too. Only the tin soldier and the dancer remained in their places. She stood on tiptoe, with her legs stretched out, as firmly as he did on his one leg. He never took his eye "Tin soldier," said the goblin, "don't wish for what does not belong to you." When the children came in the next morning, they placed the tin soldier in the window. Now, whether it was the goblin who did it, or the draught, is not known, but the window flew open, and out fell the tin soldier, heels over head, from the third story, into the street beneath. It was a terrible fall; for he came head downwards, his helmet and his bayonet stuck in between the flagstones, and his one leg up in the air. The servant maid and the little boy went down stairs directly to look for him; but he was nowhere to be seen, although once they nearly trod upon him. If he had called out, "Here I am," it would have been all right, but he was too proud to cry out for help while he wore a uniform. Presently it began to rain, and the drops fell faster and faster, till there was a heavy shower. When it was over, two boys happened to pass by, and one of them said, "Look, there is a tin soldier. He ought to have a boat to sail in." So they made a boat out of a newspaper, and placed the tin soldier in it, and sent him sailing down the gutter, while the two boys ran by the side of it, and clapped their hands. Good gracious, what large waves arose in that gutter! and how fast the stream rolled on! for the rain had been very heavy. The paper boat rocked up and down, and turned itself round sometimes so quickly that the tin soldier trembled; yet he remained firm; his countenance did not change; he looked straight before him, and shouldered his musket
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. Suddenly the boat shot under a bridge which formed a part of a drain, and then it was as dark as the tin soldier's box. "Where am I going now?" thought he. "This is the black goblin's fault, I am sure. Ah, well, if the little lady were only here with me in the boat, I should not care for any darkness." "Have you a passport?" asked the rat, "give it to me at once." But the tin soldier remained silent and held his musket tighter than ever. The boat sailed on and the rat followed it. How he did gnash his teeth and cry out to the bits of wood and straw, "Stop him, stop him; he has not paid toll, and has not shown his pass." But the stream rushed on stronger and stronger. The tin soldier could already see daylight shining where the arch ended. Then he heard a roaring sound quite terrible enough to frighten the bravest man. At the end of the tunnel the drain fell into a large canal over a steep place, which made it as dangerous for him as a waterfall would be to us. He was too close to it to stop, so the boat rushed on, and the poor tin soldier could only hold himself as stiffly as possible, without moving an eyelid, to show that he was not afraid. The boat whirled round three or four times, and then filled with water to the very edge; nothing could save it from sinking. He now stood up to his neck in water, while deeper and deeper sank the boat, and the paper became soft and loose with the wet, till at last the water closed over the soldier's head. He thought of the elegant little dancer whom he should never see again, and the words of the song sounded in his ears - Then the paper boat fell to pieces, and the soldier sank into the water and immediately afterwards was swallowed up by a great fish. Oh how dark it was inside the fish! A great deal darker than in the tunnel, and narrower too, but the tin soldier continued firm, and lay at full length shouldering his musket. The fish swam to and fro, making the most wonderful movements, but at last he became quite still. After a while, a flash of lightning seemed to pass through him, and then the daylight approached, and a voice cried out, "I declare here is the tin soldier." The fish had been caught, taken to the market and sold to the cook, who took him into the kitchen and cut him open with a large knife. She picked up the soldier and held him by the waist between her finger and thumb, and carried him into the room. They were all anxious to see this wonderful soldier who had travelled about inside a fish; but he was not at all proud. They placed him on the table, and - how many curious things do happen in the world! - there he was in the very same room from the window of which he had fallen, there were the same children, the same playthings, standing on the table, and the pretty castle with the elegant little dancer at the door; she still balanced herself on one leg, and held up the other, so she was as firm as himself. It touched the tin soldier so much to see her that he almost wept tin tears, but he kept them back. He only looked at her and they both remained silent. Presently one of the little boys took up the tin soldier, and threw him into the stove. He had no reason for doing so, therefore it must have been the fault of the black goblin who lived in the snuff - box. The flames lighted up the tin soldier, as he stood, the heat was very terrible, but whether it proceeded from the real fire or from the fire of love he could not tell. Then he could see that the bright colors were faded from his uniform, but whether they had been washed off during his journey or from the effects of his sorrow, no one could say. He looked a - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - * * * - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - * * * - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - * * * - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - "Thank you," said the woman, and she gave the fairy twelve shillings, which was the price of the barleycorn. Then she went home and planted it, and immediately there grew up a large handsome flower, something like a tulip in appearance, but with its leaves tightly closed as if it were still
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a bud. "It is a beautiful flower," said the woman, and she kissed the red and golden - colored leaves, and while she did so the flower opened, and she could see that it was a real tulip. Within the flower, upon the green velvet stamens, sat a very delicate and graceful little maiden. She was scarcely half as long as a thumb, and they gave her the name of "Thumbelina," or Tiny, because she was so small. A walnut - shell, elegantly polished, served her for a cradle; her bed was formed of blue violet - leaves, with a rose - leaf for a counterpane. Here she slept at night, but during the day she amused herself on a table, where the woman had placed a plateful of water. Round this plate were wreaths of flowers with their stems in the water, and upon it floated a large tulip - leaf, which served Tiny for a boat. Here the little maiden sat and rowed herself from side to side, with two oars made of white horse - hair. It really was a very pretty sight. Tiny could, also, sing so softly and sweetly that nothing like her singing had ever before been heard. One night, while she lay in her pretty bed, a large, ugly, wet toad crept through a broken pane of glass in the window, and leaped right upon the table where Tiny lay sleeping under her rose - leaf quilt. "What a pretty little wife this would make for my son," said the toad, and she took up the walnut - shell in which little Tiny lay asleep, and jumped through the window with it into the garden. Far out in the stream grew a number of water - lilies, with broad green leaves, which seemed to float on the top of the water. The largest of these leaves appeared farther off than the rest, and the old toad swam out to it with the walnut - shell, in which little Tiny lay still asleep. The tiny little creature woke very early in the morning, and began to cry bitterly when she found where she was, for she could see nothing but water on every side of the large green leaf, and no way of reaching the land. Meanwhile the old toad was very busy under the marsh, decking her room with rushes and wild yellow flowers, to make it look pretty for her new daughter - in - law. Then she swam out with her ugly son to the leaf on which she had placed poor little Tiny. She wanted to fetch the pretty bed, that she might put it in the bridal chamber to be ready for her. The old toad bowed low to her in the water, and said, "Here is my son, he will be your husband, and you will live happily in the marsh by the stream." "Croak, croak, croak," was all her son could say for himself; so the toad took up the elegant little bed, and swam away with it, leaving Tiny all alone on the green leaf, where she sat and wept. She could not bear to think of living with the old toad, and having her ugly son for a husband. The little fishes, who swam about in the water beneath, had seen the toad, and heard what she said, so they lifted their heads above the water to look at the little maiden. As soon as they caught sight of her, they saw she was very pretty, and it made them very sorry to think that she must go and live with the ugly toads. "No, it must never be!" so they assembled together in the water, round the green stalk which held the leaf on which the little maiden stood, and gnawed it away at the root with their teeth. Then the leaf floated down the stream, carrying Tiny far away out of reach of land. Tiny sailed past many towns, and the little birds in the bushes saw her, and sang, "What a lovely little creature;" so the leaf swam away with her farther and farther, till it brought her to other lands. A graceful little white butterfly constantly fluttered round her, and at last alighted on the leaf. Tiny pleased him, and she was glad of it, for now the toad could not possibly reach her, and the country through which she sailed was beautiful, and the sun shone upon the water, till it glittered like liquid gold. She took off her girdle and tied one end of it round the butterfly, and the other end of the ribbon she fastened to the leaf, which now glided on much faster than ever, taking little Tiny with it as she stood. Presently a large cockchafer flew by; the moment he caught sight of her, he seized her round her delicate waist with his claws, and flew with her into a tree. The green leaf floated away on the brook, and the butterfly flew with it, for he was fastened to it, and could not get away. Oh, how frightened little Tiny felt when the cockchafer flew with her to the tree! But especially was she sorry for the beautiful white butterfly which she had fastened to the leaf, for if he could not free himself he would die of
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hunger. But the cockchafer did not trouble himself at all about the matter. He seated himself by her side on a large green leaf, gave her some honey from the flowers to eat, and told her she was very pretty, though not in the least like a cockchafer. After a time, all the cockchafers turned up their feelers, and said, "She has only two legs! how ugly that looks." "She has no feelers," said another. "Her waist is quite slim. Pooh! she is like a human being." "Oh! she is ugly," said all the lady cockchafers, although Tiny was very pretty. Then the cockchafer who had run away with her, believed all the others when they said she was ugly, and would have nothing more to say to her, and told her she might go where she liked. Then he flew down with her from the tree, and placed her on a daisy, and she wept at the thought that she was so ugly that even the cockchafers would have nothing to say to her. And all the while she was really the loveliest creature that one could imagine, and as tender and delicate as a beautiful rose - leaf. During the whole summer poor little Tiny lived quite alone in the wide forest. She wove herself a bed with blades of grass, and hung it up under a broad leaf, to protect herself from the rain. She sucked the honey from the flowers for food, and drank the dew from their leaves every morning. So passed away the summer and the autumn, and then came the winter, - the long, cold winter. All the birds who had sung to her so sweetly were flown away, and the trees and the flowers had withered. The large clover leaf under the shelter of which she had lived, was now rolled together and shrivelled up, nothing remained but a yellow withered stalk. She felt dreadfully cold, for her clothes were torn, and she was herself so frail and delicate, that poor little Tiny was nearly frozen to death. It began to snow too; and the snow - flakes, as they fell upon her, were like a whole shovelful falling upon one of us, for we are tall, but she was only an inch high. Then she wrapped herself up in a dry leaf, but it cracked in the middle and could not keep her warm, and she shivered with cold. Near the wood in which she had been living lay a corn - field, but the corn had been cut a long time; nothing remained but the bare dry stubble standing up out of the frozen ground. It was to her like struggling through a large wood. Oh! how she shivered with the cold. She came at last to the door of a field - mouse, who had a little den under the corn - stubble. There dwelt the fiel "You poor little creature," said the field - mouse, who was really a good old field - mouse, "come into my warm room and dine with me." She was very pleased with Tiny, so she said, "You are quite welcome to stay with me all the winter, if you like; but you must keep my rooms clean and neat, and tell me stories, for I shall like to hear them very much." And Tiny did all the field - mouse asked her, and found herself very comfortable. "We shall have a visitor soon," said the field - mouse one day; "my neighbor pays me a visit once a week. He is better off than I am; he has large rooms, and wears a beautiful black velvet coat. If you could only have him for a husband, you would be well provided for indeed. But he is blind, so you must tell him some of your prettiest stories." He was rich and learned, no doubt, but he always spoke slightingly of the sun and the pretty flowers, because he had never seen them. Tiny was obliged to sing to him, "Lady - bird, lady - bird, fly away home," and many other pretty songs. And the mole fell in love with her because she had such a sweet voice; but he said nothing yet, for he was very cautious. A short time before, the mole had dug a long passage under the earth, which led from the dwelling of the field - mouse to his own, and here she had permission to walk with Tiny whenever she liked. But he warned them not to be alarmed at the sight of a dead bird which lay in the passage. It was a perfect bird, with a beak and feathers, and could not have been dead long, and was lying just where the mole had made his passage. The mole took a piece of phosphorescent wood in his mouth, and it glittered like fire in the dark; then he went before them to light them through the long, dark passage. When they came to the spot where lay the dead bird, the mole pushed his broad nose through the ceiling, the earth gave way, so that there was a large hole, and the daylight shone into the passage. In the middle of the floor lay a dead swallow, his beautiful
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wings pulled close to his sides, his feet and his head drawn up under his feathers; the poor bird had evidently died of the cold. It made little Tiny very sad to see it, she did so love the little birds; all the summer they had sung and twittered for her so beautifully. But the mole pushed it aside with his crooked legs, and said, "He will sing no more now. How miserable it must be to be born a little bird! I am thankful that none of my children will ever be birds, for they can do nothing but cry, 'Tweet, tweet,' and always die of hunger in the winter." "Yes, you may well say that, as a clever man!" exclaimed the field - mouse, "What is the use of his twittering, for when winter comes he must either starve or be frozen to death. Still birds are very high bred." The mole now stopped up the hole through which the daylight shone, and then accompanied the lady home. But during the night Tiny could not sleep; so she got out of bed and wove a large, beautiful carpet of hay; then she carried it to the dead bird, and spread it over him; with some down from the flowers which she had found in the field - mouse's room. It was as soft as wool, and she spread some of it on each side of the bird, so that he might lie warmly in the cold earth. "Farewell, you pretty little bird," said she, "farewell; thank you for your delightful singing during the summer, when all the trees were green, and the warm sun shone upon us." Then she laid her head on the bird's breast, but she was alarmed immediately, for it seemed as if something inside the bird went "thump, thump." It was the bird's heart; he was not really dead, only benumbed with the cold, and the warmth had restored him to life. In autumn, all the swallows fly away into warm countries, but if one happens to linger, the cold seizes it, it becomes frozen, and falls down as if dead; it remains where it fell, and the cold snow covers it. Tiny trembled very much; she was quite frightened, for the bird was large, a great deal larger than herself, - she was only an inch high. But she took courage, laid the wool more thickly over the poor swallow, and then took a leaf which she had used for her own counterpane, and laid it over the head of the poor bird. The next morning she again stole out to see him. He was alive but very weak; he could only open his eyes for a moment to look at Tiny, who stood by holding a piece of decayed wood in her hand, for she had no other lantern. "Thank you, pretty little maiden," said the sick swallow; "I have been so nicely warmed, that I shall soon regain my strength, and be able to fly about again in the warm sunshine." Then she brought the swallow some water in a flower - leaf, and after he had drank, he told her that he had wounded one of his wings in a thorn - bush, and could not fly as fast as the others, who were soon far away on their journey to warm countries. Then at last he had fallen to the earth, and could remember no more, nor how he came to be where she had found him. The whole winter the swallow remained underground, and Tiny nursed him with care and love. Neither the mole nor the field - mouse knew anything about it, for they did not like swallows. Very soon the spring time came, and the sun warmed the earth. Then the swallow bade farewell to Tiny, and she opened the hole in the ceiling which the mole had made. The sun shone in upon them so beautifully, that the swallow asked her if she would go with him; she could sit on his back, he said, and he would fly away with her into the green woods. But Tiny knew it would make the field - mouse very grieved if she left her in that manner, so she said, "No, I cannot." "Tweet, tweet," sang the bird, as he flew out into the green woods, and Tiny felt very sad. She was not allowed to go out into the warm sunshine. The corn which had been sown in the field over the house of the field - mouse had grown up high into the air, and formed a thick wood to Tiny, who was only an inch in height. "You are going to be married, Tiny," said the field - mouse. "My neighbor has asked for you. What good fortune for a poor child like you. Now we will prepare your wedding clothes. They must be both woollen and linen. Nothing must be wanting when you are the mole's wife." Tiny had to turn the spindle, and the field - mouse hired four spiders, who were to weave day and night. Every evening the mole visited her, and was continually speaking of the time when the summer would
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be over. Then he would keep his wedding - day with Tiny; but now the heat of the sun was so great that it burned the earth, and made it quite hard, like a stone. As soon, as the summer was over, the wedding should take place. But Tiny was not at all pleased; for she did not like the tiresome mole. Every morning when the sun rose, and every evening when it went down, she would creep out at the door, and as the wind blew aside the ears of corn, so that she could see the blue sky, she thought how beautiful and bright it seemed out there, and wished so much to see her dear swallow again. But he never returned; for by this time he had flown far away into the lovely green forest. "Nonsense," replied the field - mouse. "Now don't be obstinate, or I shall bite you with my white teeth. He is a very handsome mole; the queen herself does not wear more beautiful velvets and furs. His kitchen and cellars are quite full. You ought to be very thankful for such good fortune." "Farewell bright sun," she cried, stretching out her arm towards it; and then she walked a short distance from the house; for the corn had been cut, and only the dry stubble remained in the fields. "Farewell, farewell," she repeated, twining her arm round a little red flower that grew just by her side. "Greet the little swallow from me, if you should see him again." "Tweet, tweet," sounded over her head suddenly. She looked up, and there was the swallow himself flying close by. As soon as he spied Tiny, he was delighted; and then she told him how unwilling she felt to marry the ugly mole, and to live always beneath the earth, and never to see the bright sun any more. And as she told him she wept. "Cold winter is coming," said the swallow, "and I am going to fly away into warmer countries. Will you go with me? You can sit on my back, and fasten yourself on with your sash. Then we can fly away from the ugly mole and his gloomy rooms, - far away, over the mountains, into warmer countries, where the sun shines more brightly - than here; where it is always summer, and the flowers bloom in greater beauty. Fly now with me, dear little Tiny; you saved my life when I lay frozen in that dark passage." Then the swallow rose in the air, and flew over forest and over sea, high above the highest mountains, covered with eternal snow. Tiny would have been frozen in the cold air, but she crept under the bird's warm feathers, keeping her little head uncovered, so that she might admire the beautiful lands over which they passed. At length they reached the warm countries, where the sun shines brightly, and the sky seems so much higher above the earth. Here, on the hedges, and by the wayside, grew purple, green, and white grapes; lemons and oranges hung from trees in the woods; and the air was fragrant with myrtles and orange blossoms. Beautiful children ran along the country lanes, playing with large gay butterflies; and as the swallow flew farther and farther, every place appeared still more lovely. A large marble pillar lay on the ground, which, in falling, had been broken into three pieces. Between these pieces grew the most beautiful large white flowers; so the swallow flew down with Tiny, and placed her on one of the broad leaves. But how surprised she was to see in the middle of the flower, a tiny little man, as white and transparent as if he had been made of crystal! He had a gold crown on his head, and delicate wings at his shoulders, and was not much larger than Tiny herself. He was the angel of the flower; for a tiny man and a tiny woman dwell in every flower; and this was the king of them all. This certainly was a very different sort of husband to the son of a toad, or the mole, with my black velvet and fur; so she said, "Yes," to the handsome prince. Then all the flowers opened, and out of each came a little lady or a tiny lord, all so pretty it was quite a pleasure to look at them. Each of them brought Tiny a present; but the best gift was a pair of beautiful wings, which had belonged to a large white fly and they fastened them to Tiny's shoulders, so that she might fly from flower to flower. Then there was much rejoicing, and the little swallow who sat above them, in his nest, was asked to sing a wedding song, which he did as well as he could; but in his heart he felt sad for he was very fond of Tiny, and would have liked never to part from her again. "You must not be called Tiny any more," said the spirit of the flowers to her. "It is an ugly name, and you are so very pretty. We will call you Maia." "Farewell
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, farewell, "said the swallow, with a heavy heart as he left the warm countries to fly back into Denmark. There he had a nest over the window of a house in which dwelt the writer of fairy tales. The swallow sang," Tweet, tweet, "and from his song came the whole story. Suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her. There was nothing so very remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so very much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to himself:" Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I shall be too late! "But when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of his waistcoat pocket, Alice started to her feet, for she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat pocket or a watch to take out of it, and, burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after him, just in time to see him pop down a large rabbit - hole under the hedge. The rabbit - hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so that Alice found herself falling down what seemed to be a very deep well. Down, down, down. Then suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over. The White Rabbit was still in sight, and away went Alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear him say, as he turned a corner," Oh, my ears and whiskers, how late it is getting! "She turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen. She found herself in a long narrow hall, which was lit up by lamps hanging from the roof. In the hall she came upon a little three - legged table, all made of solid glass. There was nothing on it but a tiny golden key. Behind a low curtain, she came upon a little door about fifteen inches high. She tried the little golden key in the lock, and, to her great delight, it fitted. So she went back to the table, half hoping she might find a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes. This time she found a little bottle on it (" which certainly was not here before, "said Alice), and tied round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words DRINK ME in large letters. Alice tasted it, and very soon finished it off. Poor Alice! To get through was more hopeless than ever. She sat down and began to cry, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large pool all round her. After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. It was the White Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the other. He came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to himself as he came," Oh, the Duchess! the Duchess! "" Dear, dear! How queer everything is to - day! How puzzling it all is! "But presently on looking down at her hands, she was surprised to see that she had put on one of the rabbit's little white kid gloves while she was talking. She soon found out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped it hastily, just in time to save herself from shrinking away altogether. Now she hastened to the little door, but alas, it was shut again." I declare it's too bad, that it is! "she said aloud, and just as she spoke her foot slipped, and in another moment, splash! she was up to her chin in salt water. It was the pool of tears she had wept when she was nine feet high!" Perhaps it doesn't understand English, "thought Alice;" I daresay it's a French mouse, come over with William the Conqueror. "So she began again," ou est ma chatte? "which was the first sentence in her French lesson book. The Mouse seemed to quiver all over with fright." Oh, I beg your pardon! "cried Alice," I quite forgot you don't like cats. "A very queer - looking party of dripping birds and animals now gathered on the bank of the Pool of Tears. The Mouse, tried to dry them by telling them frightfully dry stories from history. Then the Dodo proposed a Caucus race. They all started off when they liked, and stopped when they liked. The Dodo said everybody had won, and Alice had to give the prizes. Luckily she had some sweets, which were not wet, and there was just one for each of them. The party were anxious she, too, should have a prize, and as she happened to have a thimble, the Dodo commanded her to hand it to him, and then, with great ceremony, the Dodo presented it to her, saying," We beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble, "and they all cheered. Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, and called out to her in an angry
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tone, "Why, Mary Ann, what are you doing out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan. Quick, now!" She managed to swallow a morsel of the left - hand bit. The next minute she had grown so tall that her neck rose like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves, and these green leaves were the trees of the wood. But, by nibbling bits of mushroom, she at last succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height. But, oh dear, in order to get into the first house she saw, she had to eat some more of the mushroom from her right hand and bring herself down to nine inches. Outside the house she saw a Fish - footmen and a Frog - footmen with invitations from the Queen to the Duchess, asking her to play croquet. The Duchess lived in the house, and a terrible noise was going on inside, and when the door was opened a plate came crashing out. But Alice got in at last, and found the Duchess and her cook quarrelling because there was too much pepper in the soup. She was a little startled now by seeing a Cheshire - Cat sitting on a bough of a tree. The Cat grinned when it saw Alice. She felt that it ought to be treated with respect. Tolstoy's stories were very much rooted in the fairness of God. "No matter how much one suffers," he believed, "God will ultimately do justice.". This story typifies this thinking. - - Anil Chandra Aksionov laughed. "That's a lucky sign," said he. "See if I don't sell out all my goods, and bring you some presents from the fair." Suddenly a troika drove up with tinkling bells and an official alighted, followed by two soldiers. He came to Aksionov and began to question him, asking him who he was and whence he came. Aksionov answered him fully, and said, "Won't you have some tea with me?" But the official went on cross - questioning him and asking him, "Where did you spend last night? Were you alone, or with a fellow - merchant? Did you see the other merchant this morning? Why did you leave the inn before dawn?" They entered the house. The soldiers and the police - officer unstrapped Aksionov's luggage and searched it. Suddenly the officer drew a knife out of a bag, crying, "Whose knife is this?" Then the police - officer said: "This morning the merchant was found in bed with his throat cut. You are the only person who could have done it. The house was locked from inside, and no one else was there. Here is this blood - stained knife in your bag, and your face and manner betray you! Tell me how you killed him, and how much money you stole?" The police - officer ordered the soldiers to bind Aksionov and to put him in the cart. As they tied his feet together and flung him into the cart, Aksionov crossed himself and wept. His money and goods were taken from him, and he was sent to the nearest town and imprisoned there. Enquiries as to his character were made in Vladimir. The merchants and other inhabitants of that town said that in former days he used to drink and waste his time, but that he was a good man. Then the trial came on: he was charged with murdering a merchant from Ryazan, and robbing him of twenty thousand rubles. His wife was in despair, and did not know what to believe. Her children were all quite small; one was a baby at her breast. Taking them all with her, she went to the town where her husband was in jail. At first she was not allowed to see him; but after much begging, she obtained permission from the officials, and was taken to him. When she saw her husband in prison - dress and in chains, shut up with thieves and criminals, she fell down, and did not come to her senses for a long time. Then she drew her children to her, and sat down near him. She told him of things at home, and asked about what had happened to him. He told her all, and she asked, "What can we do now?" Then his wife said, "It was not for nothing I dreamt your hair had turned grey. You remember? You should not have started that day." And passing her fingers through his hair, she said: "Vanya dearest, tell your wife the truth; was it not you who did it?" For twenty - six years Aksionov lived as a convict in Siberia. His hair turned white as snow, and his beard grew long, thin, and grey. All his mirth went; he stooped; he walked slowly, spoke little, and never laughed, but he often prayed. One day a fresh gang of convicts came to the prison. In the evening the old prisoners collected round the new ones and asked them what towns or villages they came from, and what they were sentenced for. Among the rest Aksionov sat down near the newcomers, and listened with downcast air to
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what was said. "Well, friends," he said, "I only took a horse that was tied to a sledge, and I was arrested and accused of stealing. I said I had only taken it to get home quicker, and had then let it go; besides, the driver was a personal friend of mine. So I said, 'It's all right.' 'No,' said they, 'you stole it.' But how or where I stole it they could not say. I once really did something wrong, and ought by rights to have come here long ago, but that time I was not found out. Now I have been sent here for nothing at all.... Eh, but it's lies I'm telling you; I've been to Siberia before, but I did not stay long." "Know them? Of course I do. The Aksionovs are rich, though their father is in Siberia: a sinner like ourselves, it seems! As for you, Gran 'dad, how did you come here?" When Makar Semyonich heard this, he looked at Aksionov, slapped his own knee, and exclaimed, "Well, this is wonderful! Really wonderful! But how old you've grown, Gran' dad!" "How could I help hearing? The world's full of rumours. But it's a long time ago, and I've forgotten what I heard." Makar Semyonich laughed, and replied: "It must have been him in whose bag the knife was found! If some one else hid the knife there, 'He's not a thief till he's caught,' as the saying is. How could any one put a knife into your bag while it was under your head? It would surely have woke you up." When Aksionov heard these words, he felt sure this was the man who had killed the merchant. He rose and went away. All that night Aksionov lay awake. He felt terribly unhappy, and all sorts of images rose in his mind. There was the image of his wife as she was when he parted from her to go to the fair. He saw her as if she were present; her face and her eyes rose before him; he heard her speak and laugh. Then he saw his children, quite little, as they were at that time: one with a little cloak on, another at his mother's breast. And then he remembered himself as he used to be - young and merry. He remembered how he sat playing the guitar in the porch of the inn where he was arrested, and how free from care he had been. He saw, in his mind, the place where he was flogged, the executioner, and the people standing around; the chains, the convicts, all the twenty - six years of his prison life, and his premature old age. The thought of it all made him so wretched that he was ready to kill himself. "And it's all that villain's doing!" thought Aksionov. And his anger was so great against Makar Semyonich that he longed for vengeance, even if he himself should perish for it. He kept repeating prayers all night, but could get no peace. During the day he did not go near Makar Semyonich, nor even look at him. One night as he was walking about the prison he noticed some earth that came rolling out from under one of the shelves on which the prisoners slept. He stopped to see what it was. Suddenly Makar Semyonich crept out from under the shelf, and looked up at Aksionov with frightened face. Aksionov tried to pass without looking at him, but Makar seized his hand and told him that he had dug a hole under the wall, getting rid of the earth by putting it into his high - boots, and emptying it out every day on the road when the prisoners were driven to their work. Aksionov trembled with anger as he looked at his enemy. He drew his hand away, saying, "I have no wish to escape, and you have no need to kill me; you killed me long ago! As to telling of you - I may do so or not, as God shall direct." Next day, when the convicts were led out to work, the convoy soldiers noticed that one or other of the prisoners emptied some earth out of his boots. The prison was searched and the tunnel found. The Governor came and questioned all the prisoners to find out who had dug the hole. They all denied any knowledge of it. Those who knew would not betray Makar Semyonich, knowing he would be flogged almost to death. At last the Governor turned to Aksionov whom he knew to be a just man and said: Makar Semyonich stood as if he were quite unconcerned, looking at the Governor and not so much as glancing at Aksionov. Aksionov's lips and hands trembled, and for a long time he could not utter a word. He thought, "Why should I screen him who ruined my life? Let him pay for what I have suffered. But if I tell, they will probably flog the life out of him and maybe I suspect him wrongly. And, after all, what good
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would it be to me? "Aksionov glanced at Makar Semyonich, and said," I cannot say, your honour. It is not God's will that I should tell! Do what you like with me; I am in your hands. "Aksionov was silent, and did not know what to say. Makar Semyonich slid off the bed - shelf and knelt upon the ground." Ivan Dmitritch, "said he," forgive me! For the love of God, forgive me! I will confess that it was I who killed the merchant, and you will be released and can go to your home. "" It is easy for you to talk, "said Aksionov," but I have suffered for you these twenty - six years. Where could I go to now?... My wife is dead, and my children have forgotten me. I have nowhere to go.... "Makar Semyonich did not rise, but beat his head on the floor." Ivan Dmitritch, forgive me! "he cried." When they flogged me with the knot it was not so hard to bear as it is to see you now... yet you had pity on me, and did not tell. For Christ's sake forgive me, wretch that I am! "And he began to sob." God will forgive you! "said he." Maybe I am a hundred times worse than you. "And at these words his heart grew light, and the longing for home left him. He no longer had any desire to leave the prison, but only hoped for his last hour to come. In the rude days of King Richard and King John there were many great woods in England. The most famous of these was Sherwood forest, where the king often went to hunt deer. In this forest there lived a band of daring men called out - laws. There were nearly a hundred of these outlaws, and their leader was a bold fellow called Robin Hood. They were dressed in suits of green, and armed with bows and arrows; and sometimes they carried long wooden lances and broad - swords, which they knew how to handle well. When - ever they had taken anything, it was brought and laid at the feet of Robin Hood, whom they called their king. He then divided it fairly among them, giving to each man his just share. Long after he was dead, men liked to talk about his deeds. Some praised him, and some blamed him. He was, indeed, a rude, lawless fellow; but at that time, people did not think of right and wrong as they do now. Robin Hood was standing one day under a green tree by the road - side. While he was listening to the birds among the leaves, he saw a young man passing by. This young man was dressed in a fine suit of bright red cloth; and, as he tripped gayly along the road, he seemed to be as happy as the day. The next day Robin stood in the same place. He had not been there long when he saw the same young man coming down the road. But he did not seem to be so happy this time. He had left his scarlet coat at home, and at every step he sighed and groaned." I have kept it these seven years, "said the young man;" I have kept it to give to my bride on our wedding day. We were going to be married yesterday. But her father has promised her to a rich old man whom she never saw. And now my heart is broken. "" I am glad you have come, "said the bishop kindly." There is no music that I like so well as that of the harp. Come in, and play for us. "Just then an old man came in. He was dressed in rich clothing, but was bent with age, and was feeble and gray. By his side walked a fair young girl. Her cheeks were very pale, and her eyes were full of tears. Then he put his horn to his lips, and blew three times. The very next minute, four and twenty men, all dressed in green, and carrying long bows in their hands, came running across the fields. And as they marched into the church, all in a row, the fore - most among them was Allin - a - Dale.
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Leave a reply Tisha Porter didn't think she was going to make it. Convinced she would die from her injuries, she left a blow by blow account of what happened to her and who was responsible. The why of it was still a mystery. Thanks to Detective Harlan James, Tisha was on the mend, but she was ready to get out of her father's house and back into a house of her own. She was anxious to see that recently renovated old Victorian home and buy if she liked it. She wasn't counting on the stress being too much for her still too weak body. Zachery Douglas was hosting the open house in the old Victorian. They'd had more than two hundred people tour the house so far which was far more than he expected. And when Tisha walked through the door, he knew what she was to him, and he'd do anything he had to do to make her his. Spencer Graham had been trying to get a hold of Jason Crosby for weeks, but he didn't seem to answer emails, mail or the telephone. She had an idea that would make them a great deal of money, but she needed him to invest in her project before it was too late. So, barging into his home at 4 a. m. was the only solution as far as she was concerned. She didn't, however, expect him to answer the door naked and proposition her as soon as she walked in the door. Spencer did the only thing that came natural to her, she knocked him on his ass …. Jason Crosby was nearly two thousand years old, and in all his days as a vampire, he'd never seen anyone quite like her, not that he thought that was a good thing. He didn't. She was his mate, and he was only going the tolerate her because he had to …. The building and surrounding area looked like a crater. The swing set, which may have held eight on it, was a twisted mess that hung from one of the blackened trees about a mile away. The slide was still sitting in its original place, yet barely resembled its former self. The only reason Harlan knew what it was is because he'd seen his own kids on it. He looked over when someone said his name. "Four dead. We think. It's going to be a little while before we can sort this mess out. If there were cars in the lot, I'm not sure how long it will take before we can figure out not just the owners, but if they might have been here last night. Christ, this is a mess." Harlan asked him if they'd been able to get a list of teachers yet. "We're still working on that. I have been able to canvas the damage surrounding this land. There has been one death that is apparently related to this explosion, but we won't know for sure until all reports are in. Had this been in the city, Harlan, you know this would have been a hell of a lot worse." "Yes. There are reports of windows blasted out eight miles from here. And I heard that one of the deaths was a man who had been on the street in front at the impact time and was killed by the blast. Is that the one that you're talking about?" Richard nodded. "As you know, had this happened only about ten hours later, there would have been children here, and a lot more bodies." "We have narrowed down the center, we're pretty sure. The city planner brought by the blueprints like you asked for, and he's looking things over and thinks he knows where the epicenter is. Second grade room, as near we can tell." Harlan wasn't able to go to the area just yet; the fire department was going over some of the wreckage to make sure that the fires were out. The bomb squad had left about half an hour ago. "The three bodies that we've recovered here so far are two men from the janitorial service and a woman. No ID yet on the latter. We think it might have been the prin" Whoever this person was, they wanted this building gone, and didn't care who was inside of it. It had a switch on location, meaning that it was set off by a simple movement or a lid being removed, so it mattered little to them when this thing went off. I would say that it more than likely was triggered by opening whatever it came here in, which I'm thinking cardboard at this point. The others all depended on the main larger bomb, causing enough power to set them off as well. They were on a tumbler - like set off. Once they were moved, hard, they would blow. "Harlan asked him how long something like this would take to set up." Hours. Maybe a few days. The person would have had to have access to the building, and no one to question what they were doing here. A good sense of the size, layout, as well as how much explosive material to use to get this sort of devastation. "" So whoever it was, they were
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known to those that work here, you're thinking. I mean, the staff here, they didn't have any issues with this person being in and out of here, so they could have pretty much done this without anyone having any clue. "Richard nodded." This is some sick shit, you know that, right? In another few hours, there would have been over four hundred people in this building, mostly kids. And then nearly seventy teachers and other staff. "" Don't forget buses of kids that were being held to drop off at the higher grades, parents here dropping off little Jimmy for his first day, and any of the other hundreds of people that might have been passing by when this went off. "Harlan moved through the debris and other mangled things while they talked." I heard that you're having trouble locating two of the teachers. You think they might have been here too? "" I hope to Christ not. Also, we did hear from the cleaning service. There were not three here, but six, to get the building ready for the first day. So far we've had no luck at all trying to figure out if they showed up for work or not. The teacherssaw that the glass nearest the handle had been broken inward. Calling in backup, he was told to wait. It was then that he saw the blood. "I can't wait. I can see that someone is hurt. Going in." Instead of letting the dispatcher tell him to wait again, he muted his phone. He could be fired for it if this turned out to be nothing, but right now, he just didn't care. As he made his way into the house, he noted in an abstract sort of way that it was neat. Not in a cleaned up sort of way - though it was that too - but more like this person did not care for clutter or fluff. Straight lines and hard surfaces were on everything, including the cushions on the chairs in the kitchen. It was also expensive, like this person spent all their money on their things, as they had no children or pets to muss it. Making his way to the living room, he could see the difference immediately. This was a room that was used; comfort nearly screamed at him. The noise to his left gave him pause. He wasn't in a good place in the house … the hallway he was in was not only open at both ends with rooms coming out from each side, but there were two doors that were opened in front of him, one on the right, the other on the left. But when he heard it again, he moved forward. "This is the Nevada Police. I'm armed and have backup." He heard the sirens getting closer and peeked quickly into the room to his right. Nothing. "Ms. Porter? Can you hear me?" "Yes." He thought he heard her answer him but wasn't sure. "I'm dying. I'm alone." Relief was short lived when she cried out. "She hurt me." Entering the room at the end, the doorway that spilled into the hall, he nearly backed away. The woman lying in a pool of blood looked as if she was indeed dying. Her body was not only covered in a great many of what looked like knife wounds, but she was beaten up as well. Moving closer, keeping his gun out, Harlan called for an ambulance. "I'm Harlan James. Are you Tisha Porter?" She nodded, then passed out. He could sthirty this morning, Alex had left. The facts in - between those times, he knew, would haunt him for years to come. By the time the ambulance arrived, he'd called in a report on what he'd found. Then he told his boss what she'd written down about the other teacher, as well as having someone sent to her house to find the woman. Alexandra Grace was going to have a lot of explaining to do. ~ ~ ~ Randall moved through the hospital trying to figure out where he was to go. The nurse at the front desk had told him twice how to get to the operating area, but he was hurting in his heart so badly he only half remembered. When he saw two police officers, he made his way to them. "I'm looking for my daughter, Tisha Porter." The officer nodded at him and then took him to a man dressed in a dark suit. "My daughter, someone said that she was hurt. Tisha Porter is her name. She's a teacher. Second grade. They all just love her." "I'm Harlan James, Mr. Porter. I came in with her." Randall felt his knees simply give out on him. If Harlan hadn't been there to catch him, he was sure he would have fallen. "Come on over here, Mr. Porter. We'll talk while we wait." "She loves teaching those children. I saw in the news that the entire building was blown up. I never got much from the man who called me." Harlan said it had
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been him. "Was she in the building?" "No. We found her at her home. That's where we're thinking she was hurt. Someone broke in." Randall tried to think of why someone would harm his little girl. "She was beaten, and cut up pretty badly. The doctors here are doing all that they can to save her. You have a very smart and brave daughter, Mr. Porter. She's helped us a great deal in this." "That's my baby. Always knew she was the best. I spoke to her just last night … I think it was the night before. It's hard to think so much time has …. I had just called her to tell her to have fun with her first day. I teased her about her room being …." He paused, trying to reme "She's all I have in the world. Since her mother died, Tisha has become my whole world. I just saw her last weekend, and she was telling me how she'd gotten all these nice learning tools from a shop online. And now this." Harlan told him they were doing their best. "If you need anything, a kick in the ass to the mayor, you let me know. I'll pull some strings and get you more manpower if you need it. You just let me know. I'll get it for you." "I think we have it for now, but I'll keep that in mind. We're working round the clock now, so I hope to have answers in a few days, if not sooner." Randall nodded and Harlan stood up. "I'm going to have someone at her room until we find this other person. And if you'd be so kind, I'd like for you to have a guard as well. Right now we don't know the reason that any of this happened. So to be on the safe side, I'd like to protect you as well." "I have my own bodyguards." Randall nodded to the hall where they were and the three men standing there. "Nothing will get past these men unless I tell them or they're dead. If it will free up some of your men, I can assign them to her room as well. To be honest, sir, they'll be there anyway. If you'll agree to it, then nobody will get their underwear all tightened up by them being there too." "I'll let you know." Randall nodded then was left alone. Making his way down the hall, he told Burt, his right hand man, what was going on as he sat in one of the most uncomfortable chairs he'd ever been in. He also told Burt to set up some people on the inside for her safety. "You have it, sir. And may I suggest that we bring in that buddy of yours? The retired agent? He could be a little more help even from the sidelines." Randall nodded. "Very good, sir. Have they told you how she's doing? I mean, more than you were told on the phone?" "No. I'd very much like it if you can run a check on any doctors and nurses she has contact with. And there is a person of interest that tto help himself, he tried to calm his nerves and heart. All he could think about was his daughter. Tisha had been born later in his life, he'd been nearing forty and his wife just shy of that. Had anyone asked, he would have said they were happy being childless. They had money, a great deal of it, and traveled, and pretty much did anything that they wanted. Then Rachel had gotten pregnant and Tisha had come along. Randall was pretty sure until that moment he'd not lived at all. Hadn't taken a good breath of air, nor had his heart beat so well until he looked into the most beautiful pair of blue eyes he'd ever seen. His baby girl, Tisha Randall Porter. She'd been the best baby, and an even better child. No temper tantrums were ever thrown, nor did she give them a hard time about things. Of course, he'd made sure that she had everything that she wanted … even if she only gave something a passing glance, he'd get it for her. Until the day she turned seven." I want to get a job. "He only nodded at her, indulging her even though he knew she'd never have to work a day in her life, if he could help it." My friend, Emma, has a job. And her grandma pays her for doing the dishes too. Not the pots and pans, but her pretty dishes she serves tea on. "" Tisha, I can give you money if that's what you want. I have no problem with it. "She told him no, she wanted to earn her keep." Honey, you don't have to earn anything. We're very wealthy. "" So are Emma's mommy and daddy. And she has her own pocket money that she can do whatever she
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wants with and not have to ask. Why last month, she took me to get an ice cream soda, and no one knew about it but just the two of us. "Randall wondered just how much this other little girl was teaching his daughter." I want to do this, Dad. You want me to be smart like you? And know the value of money? "" I do. And I'm pretty sure that you have a good handle on the value of money. "Then she gave him that look. It wasn't a pouty one, like most litAnother note to his list of things she'd found out for him. As they went over her books, he was astonished not only at much she had learned by talking to the staff, but how much she'd managed to save up as well. One hundred dollars just by doing odd jobs for those that worked for them." All right, let's see how you spent your cash, shall we? "Randall had already had it in his head to get her a real ledger, as well as some colored pencils. It was the way that he'd been keeping track of his earnings for years. Not only did he love seeing the numbers all lined up in neat rows, but when he had gotten a computer and it did the adding for him, he still found himself using his old tried and true method." I've put a computer on layaway. I had to have Molly help me with that. They'd not sell me one at my age. I think it's ridiculous that there has to be an age limit on learning, but now that it's there, I pay on it every week and she takes it to the store for me. "Randall told her he'd purchase it for her." No, Dad. I'm doing this on my own. "After an hour of going over everything, he'd needed to find a quiet place to think. She had not just opened his eyes to his staff, but to the fact that she was not a baby any more. Randall would only admit this to himself, but he'd had a good cry over that fact, and still got teary when he thought of it." Mr. Porter? "Dragging himself from his thoughts, he stared at the man in front of him for several seconds before he could think where he was." Mr. Porter? I'm Doctor Fitzpatrick. I've spoken to the police just now, and they told me that I could bring you up to date on your daughter's surgery. "Randall sat up straighter in the chair and waited for the news." She's in grave condition, I'm afraid, but I have hope that she'll pull out of this. Tisha is young and in very good health. While she's lost a great amount of blood and has had some pretty extensive wounds to her body, I think she stands a good chance of coming out of thin later and replace bone with metal in her hand, but for now, we have her in a hard cast to prevent her from doing more damage. "" Any internal injuries? "The doctor nodded, then looked at him when Burt asked." Was there brain damage? What? "" There is no way to soften the way I tell you this. Her abdomen was crushed, pelvis broken, and the fallopian tube on the right side was destroyed. Her womb was injured as well, to the point where it had to be removed or risk infection. As for her brain, we don't yet know what sort of damage is there. After she wakes, if she does, we'll be able to better determine where to go after that. "Randall felt his body just go limp. The words' if she does' were too much. His mind simply said this is too much, and he embraced the darkness where his little girl was safe in his dreams. Leave a reply Beth Snow had been given a death sentence. The doctors had only given her six months to live. She didn't want her parents to have to watch her die, so she packed up everything she had in the new motorhome and hit the road. Nate knew she was coming. He'd been dreaming of her for months now, and all the dreams where they were battling Benton had turned out the same - with Beth's death. How could he take a mate to just watch her die? The battle to save the earth was reaching its peak for Rembrandt's Blood Brotherhood. Everyone's dreams had become prophetic, and either Benton would die, or they all would. Would they find the missing piece to their strategy to defeat the monster once and for all? Live or die, they were all in it until the bitter end. What happens next? Find out in the final installment of the Blood Brotherhood - Nathaniel. It was time for him to die. Rembrandt was ready. He had put up a good fight and nearly died twice that day, but now he was done and he was ready to die on the battlefield with the rest of his brethren. Death would be merciful, he would finally be with his wife and children.
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A being clad in black had other ideas. Rembrandt was meant to help him fight his cause and to help right a wrong that his kind had brought to this world. He gifted the reluctant Rembrandt with a taste for blood and immortality … and more … so much more. Rembrandt had had enough. He was over this life 1800 years ago and now he was just sick of it. The creatures he fought, the malefactors, kept growing in numbers and he couldn't kill them fast enough to keep up. He had fought the battle alone all these years and he wasn't sure he even wanted to anymore. Skylar Manning was just trying to be nice. The mysterious man dressed in black was hanging around after closing … again. It was the third time this week. Only this time he grabbed her arm. Her world changed forever. Suddenly she found herself hunted by shadowy figures with razor sharp teeth, and into the arms of a warrior who craved her as much as she did him … Vicki Carver had seen all the carnage from what appeared to be some kind of battle and just stopped long enough to see if the big man was alive or dead like the rest of them. That large broadsword in his hand had her keep her distance. Pitching a pebble or two at his face should arouse him if he was indeed still alive. Davis Brown was thoroughly exhausted, but he couldn't ignore the small stones pelting his face. If it was more malefactors to fight he'd just have to let them do him in. He was too tired to fight again so soon. To his surprise it was a woman ― not just any woman ― but a feisty vixen who was not only beautiful but could see the malefactors. That meant that she was either magical or one of them ― a warrior ― his mate …. Vicki had her own demons to battle and to be thrown into a mystical battle with Rembrandt's warriors to save their world from being overrun by malefactors wasn't anything she had planned for, much less this mate business. Who did he think he was anyway? But she couldn't seem to resist the hot, sexy man that brought her to the compound …. Leonard Earl wants no part of Rembrandt's rag tag team of saviors. Before the cancer he'd been happy teaching children. But when the mysterious man in black shows up in his hospital room and heals him, he has no choice but to join the group. No one says he has to like it. Jamey has been on her own awhile. It doesn't take her long to figure out she is different, and that the malefactors can't change her into one of them. Since the malefactors have taken over her town, she spends her days picking them off with her bow and arrows, or delivering food and water to the remaining survivors. Jamey's body is also a "host" to a dragon that has been with her for as long as she can remember. He protects her and keeps her safe …. The dragon is leading Jamey to the man he is destined to transfer to. He tells her together they will balance. Jamey is willing to take the dragon wherever he needs to go, but the man she wants no part of …. She will miss her friend. Leo is none too happy to find out that Jamey is bringing the dragon to him and the discovery that she is his mate. He's already had a woman break his heart and wants no part of this mate business. He takes the dragon to save her life, but that's where it ends … or does it? The malefactors are increasing in number and they need to stand together to defeat them. Jamey sees her chance and takes it to defeat their enemy. Will Leo make the ultimate sacrifice to save her? Find out in the next installment of Blood Brotherhood ― Leonard. Christopher hadn't been with Rembrandt's group long. With their combined efforts there were fewer and fewer monsters to fight. His mate had died a long time ago, so he volunteered to go with Skylar to look for some "newbies". When they arrived at the warehouse the new ones were acting very strange. Kate had been scouting out the building when a large crate just suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Curiosity had her standing in the shadows when she saw two warriors come up the stairs and approach the crate. When they became aware of her presence, the man shifted into the largest cat she'd ever seen and pinned her to the floor with his large paws. Richard James is a very old vampire and was already an immortal when he joined Rembrandt's team. Old grievances and heartaches, committed decades ago, still haunt him today. The murders of his mate and brother can be placed on a single culprit - Lucia Alverez. Ryiah isn't happy. It's do as her sister says or suffer the consequences. She can handle the beatings, but being locked up in a cell again with no sunshine or earth is more than she can bear. Ryiah is fae and needs these things to survive. So when her sister says to bring her her mate, Richard James, the second lord of the Highlands castle of Ireland, that's what Ryiah sets out to do. Vampires and fae are mortal enemies. The blood
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of the fae is like an intoxicating drug to a vampire, turning the vampire feral. Rick knows immediately that the beautiful woman is fae, but that's not the problem, there are other fae at Rembrandt's compound and Rick has no problems being around them. But this one … there is something different about her …. The motor home coughed a couple of times but continued down the road. Looking in the rear - view mirror, she wondered what she'd been thinking picking something so fucking big to use to get away. The thing was top of the line, sure, but for just her, it was too much. Simply too much of everything. Pulling into the gas station, she had to smile. She was filling this sucker up every ten minutes, it felt like. "I'm certainly doing my part in stimulating the economy by using this." The lines were short, so she pulled into the bay closest to the road. Stretching her neck before getting out, she felt a stab of pain in her heart and sat very still to see where it went next. When she felt nothing more, she stood up and made her way to the pumps. Beth knew that should her heart shut down while she was driving, she might hurt someone else when she crashed. It was why she was very careful and took precautions that were well beyond what older people did when they were told they had a bad ticker. And she had about as bad of one as there was. She'd been dealt a bad hand, as her grandma used to say. Beth Snow was going to die because of her heart. Not because it was broken, which in a way it was, but because it was enlarged … too big to function properly. It would happen much sooner than anyone could have guessed, especially her and her family, but it was going to happen and she wanted it to happen on her terms. It was the reason for this trip. The lie behind going to see some sites before she settled down. Beth wanted to be as far from her parents as she could when the time came. She knew her mom would be … her mom and her dad would be devastated. She knew he still would be, but she didn't want him there when it was done. That wasn't right either. She wanted them both there, but was trying to spare them the pain of it. It's not that they were mean to her. No, never that. But they did have a way about them that would bring out the worst in each other. Her mother was controlling, manipulative, as well as whiney, ansoon as she'd turned eighteen, she'd gotten out in the world on her own and had made herself as independent as she could. She had made a good living at it as well by following in her dad's footsteps and becoming an engineer like he'd been. But leaving them like she had, that was the smartest thing she'd ever done, she thought. For a lot of reasons. The last face to face conversation with her mom had sealed that deal. "I don't understand how you think this is going to make you get any better. Just let us go with you and keep you on the right track to getting well. It's not like we have anything to do. Your father hasn't worked in several years." Beth could have pointed out that he'd retired from his job but still had a very good income. And when they wanted something, he'd go find something fun to do to pay for it and not touch their savings. She looked at her dad and could see while he was hurt too, he sort of understood because this was, after all, her mom. "Tell her, Lyle. Tell her that she needs to let us go with her so she can get better. We can't make sure that she's doing what it takes for her to get well if we're not there." "Ruth, I think that she's right." Her mom turned her back to him, and Beth knew that later her mom would tell her dad how he was wrong to have said those things and that he should have agreed with her. "This will be good for her. Kinda wish I'd taken a trip like this when I was younger. See a little of this big world before things get all hinky. But she needs this and I think she's doing what she needs to. Not just for her, either." Hinky. What a wonderful word to say his little girl was going to die. "I'll send you post cards and when I can, I'll call you once a week. I really do need this." "Well, I hope you know that you're both wrong in this. I can't make sure that you're eating properly or that you're taking care of yourself if you won't allow me this. Bethany, you know as well as I do that you're going to need The gas pump popping, signaling that it was finished giving her fuel, startled her from her thoughts. Putting the handle back in the little slot, she looked around while the receipt
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printed. She would have to find a place to rest soon, a campground that would take her big rig, and settle in for a few days. She might even go and see some of the sights while she was here, she thought, and got into the camper with her small paper. Starting the engine, she let her broken heart mend a little as she made her way back into the traffic. The campground was quiet this time of year. She supposed that most vacationers had had their fill of camping by now. Late winter was not really a go to a place in a motor home kind of time. Smiling to herself, she watched as snow started to fall as she fixed herself some soup and then settled down to enjoy it. Beth didn't bother with the television, and if asked, she did not even know if she could turn it on. It was the quiet that she wanted. The books that she'd picked up here and there were on the shelves that didn't have some souvenirs on them. A pretty stone that she'd gotten in a national park. A pinecone she'd picked up at a roadside picnic area that she just couldn't resist. All of these things and the rest were all labeled and dated. When someone came to get her home someday, she knew that her dad would enjoy these bits of her trip. And the pictures on her computer were all in files as well. She'd been sending him emails with them attached when she had service. Beth was pragmatic about things, she thought. She was going to die, that was a done deal. But she wasn't going to wallow in self - pity, nor was she going to roll over and let it take her. She was going out doing the things that she wanted. Just the way her dad had taught her to be. Happy to the end. It was nearly nine when she decided to call home. If her mom answered she'd never get to speak to her dad, and Beth was disappointed when she picked up the phone. After telling her several times that yes, she waback here, that would be wonderful too. You've been gone for so long. Also, I tried to get your things out of storage but the man in charge said no. He even called the police on me, if you can believe that. You'll have to tell him that it's all right for me to get in there. That way, when you get back here, everything will be just how you want it. "" No. I don't want you bothering my things. I'm not coming back there, and for sure you are not going to come here. I know how you are, as does Dad. Mom, I'm not going to let you know where I am, nor am I going to do whatever else you have on that list in your head that no one messes with. I'm going to do this on my own, in my own way. "Her mother laughed then, that twittering sort of laughter that made her think her mom was humoring her." Mom, can I speak to Dad? Please? "" He's busy tinkering with the motor home. I told him that he should just let someone who knows what they're doing mess with things, but he gets something in his head and he won't stop until I have to make him. "Beth heard some paper moving around." Now, I have a map and paper right here. Tell me what state you're in and I can figure out from there how we can - "" Mom, Dad is an engineer. I'm pretty sure that he could do a better tinkering job than most of the people who actually built that thing could. "Her mom huffed." I'd very much like to speak to Dad. I want to find out what you did to him to make him do this for you. "" What a thing to say to your own mother. You make it sound as if I stand over him with a whip and order him about. "Beth said she did." I don't know what you're on right now, but you'll not talk to me that way, Bethany. I am your mother. And don't think I've not noticed that I don't have that address yet. "" I know that you're my mom. And he's my dad. Now put him on the phone or I'll hang up and you'll not know what the doctor said to me. "There wasn't any doctor, and she had no different news than She heard her mom telling him not to be stupid, that she would like to hear the lies he was telling their daughter and to stay right where she could hear him. Mom even told him that if he did go into his office, he'd better not shut the door. Beth smiled when she heard it shut and the lock turn." Dad, she's going to be really pissed at you when you get back out there. "He only laughed and asked her what was going on." Nothing. I just heard that Mom made you buy a camper. I'm
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so sorry. "" Don't be. If things keep going like this, I might just start living out there in it. It's a nice sucker. Have you worked out how the extensions come out yet? I swear to you, things get more and more complicated than they need to be. "She'd forgotten to extend the sides again. Not that it mattered … she had more than enough room." I got the propane tanks filled today. Then I got me a few groceries to stash in it. I didn't tell your mother, but I got them. I got the fridge all hooked up and cold. I even installed some solar panels on the top of it so that the batteries can be charged when we're not using them. I'm betting you haven't even turned on the telly, nor have you used that impressive stove that it has either, have you, darling? "" No. To all of it. But I did notice that I have one, if that makes a difference. And the microwave has been wonderful for my many flavors of soup, too. But if I were you, Dad, I'd do that. You should just get up one morning while she's in bed and take a trip. Maybe not return. "He told her that he'd think on that." I miss you, Daddy. "" And I you too. Are you feeling all right? Taking care, aren't you? "She told him she was, just tired a lot more." Yes, that's what they told us would happen. You just take it easy. Oh, before I forget, I got me a cell phone today. I'll give you the number and you can call me. I put it on vibrate so she doesn't know about it, but I wanted to be able to talk to you when you wanted. "After she wrote down t" Yes, my lord. And thank you ever so much for the greenhouse. It has cooled tempers a great deal to have something to keep busy with. "He told him that it had been Ryiah's idea and Whey nodded." I have a request, my lord. We should like to plan a party when the spring comes. We have not had one for a very long time, and I think it would be a good thing. "" Spring is several months away. You think you need that much time for me to approve it now? "He told him that he did. That flowers had to be ready for such an event." I see. Well, yes, a party would be great. I was wondering about the tree. Have you found us some decorations for the big one that's going up? "" We have. Oh, so many that will grace the tree. Some of the fireflies, they've said that they'd be our lights on it, and that will be a wonderful sight as well. "Remy tensed up when he saw Skylar hit the ground." She is well, my lord. The earth, it takes good care of her should she fall again. See, even now it helps her to rise up. She will never be harmed in this play. "" I think she falls just to get me to run to her aid. What do you think? "Of course Whey disagreed with him, saying that Skylar wasn't that mean. But when she turned and winked at them both, Remy laughed." I think we've been had, Whey. My lovely mate is playing with our emotions. "" Women do that well, I think. My own bride, she is making me silly with her ways. Did I mention that the queen has picked us to work with the newborns when it is time for them to be born? "Remy nodded. He'd been told that at least twenty times an hour for the last several days." She finally put up the list. Margo and I will be working with the roses. Such an honor, roses. "Remy had learned a great deal about flowers and faeries. First of all, not every bloom was filled with one of the tiny babes. The flower had to be kissed by a faerie that the queen had chosen. And while many worked for her, only a select few could give the flowers the babes that would eventuallyRemy decided that he'd make sure to thank the queen for such a service to the humans, both young and old. As they made their way to the couple that were still at play, Remy decided that he'd very much like to have a few of the little people come and live with he and Skylar. When they were finished with the war, he wanted to settle down and have a houseful of them around. Mostly to talk to - they were extremely intelligent - but also because they made him feel good. Not just physically, but also mentally." I've something to show you when you have a moment. "Remy told Nate that now was a good time." It's my tat. The one that I was telling you about. We're to have company. And I'm not sure
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what to do about it. "" What do you mean? Benton? He's coming? "Nate shook his head and pulled his shirt over his head and turned. The tat was moving, and Remy was nearly sick with it. When it settled, he didn't see much until Skylar pointed out that there were twelve now, not eleven on his back." Your mate is coming? Is that what you're telling me? Good job, Nate. You'll be happy as - "" No, a woman is coming. Just because every other female that has come here has turned out to be someone's mate, doesn't mean that she's for me. I don't know what I'd do with a mate. "When he started to ask him again what he meant, Skylar put her hand on his arm. She told him to wait." I've things to do, so I thank you, Skylar, for the lesson. "When he was gone, Remy looked at Skylar for an explanation." He is so large, have you noticed that? And with his size comes certain things that frighten him. "It took him a moment to understand. His size would frighten most men, he thought. Then he thought of all the things that might make a mate be fearful of you." He thinks to harm her during sex. "Even though it wasn't a question, she told him that was it." I don't see him hurting her. Whatever has happened to him, he won't harm her. He must know that it's not possible should he evencan't think of a single reason for us to be apart. I need you as much as I do air in my lungs. "Remy thought him the luckiest man in the world. And when she kissed him, he felt his heart fill once again with her love and nearly wept with his need for her. Before he took her to the bed, he pulled her back from him just far enough to get her attention. He needed her to understand something that he'd been thinking about for days now." I should like to have many children with you. Not to replace the ones that I lost, but to have our love bonded in a way that I never had with my first mate. She was everything to me, don't get me wrong, but you are so much more. Watching you grow fat with a child of ours? You cannot know what that thought does for me. "He kissed her again and watched her face." Remy, I swear to you that sometimes the words that come from your mouth are enough to melt even the coldest of hearts. "He grinned at her." Yes, having children with you, watching you play with them and hold them, is all I think about when I'm alone. When I see you with the other children in the compound, I want to have you fill me with one of our own. To have a son or daughter would fulfill me in ways that I never thought possible, so long as you are there beside me to help me nurture and love them. "" And I shall be, my love. For the rest of all our lives. "He lifted her chin up to see her beautiful face." We have avoided the conversation that has been haunting us for days now. Would you like to discuss it now? "" No. Not yet. I know what I want to do in my head, but not in my heart just yet. "He understood that. It was the same for him." After. I want to talk about it after. "" All right. "Taking her to their bed, he stripped her down to her bare skin. Each part of her, every inch of her skin, was marked by some unknown magic. Kissing her now, he knew that someday they'd know what they were here for, why something had chosen them for this task. But for now, at this moment, he wanted toThis entry was posted in Amazon & B & N All Romance, Blood BrotherHood Series, Dark Fantasy, Endo Of Series, erotica, Release Day, Romance, Uncategorized on December 26, 2016 by Kathi Barton. Graham Emerson Wolves Release Day (Final Book In Series) 12 / 13 / 16 Graham had just finished the construction of his house and was looking for any excuse he could find to stay away from people - that included his large family. But everyone had to eat so a trip to the grocery store was necessary. He didn't, however, have a mate on his shopping list, but there she stood - injured and panicking. Graham was about as happy as he could be, until three cops came to his property to arrest him and charged him with murder - now the whole family was in an uproar. Graham's world was crashing around him, he wanted to marry Ramsey, but not like this …. Can they ban together to prove his innocence before it's too late? Find out in the final chapter of the Emerson Wolves - Graham. Do you know what you are to me? She shook her head as he whispered to her.
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His mouth was doing incredible things to her and she wanted more. Mate? Youre my mate. Do you know what that means? Her body seemed to come alive at his words. She struggled to pull from him and he let her go, but he didn't back off. She moved back from him as far as the wall and tried to get her mind to function again. She was not going to be his mate, not any man's. You have to go. I won't bother you anymore if you do the same for me. He moved to within a foot of her and she put up her hands. I don't want you here. Please, you can't want me as a mate. I don 'tI'm not even sure that this isn't some ploy to get what you want. Or money. Is that it?' She looked up at him as he started cursing. Hunter Emerson and his brothers answered the request of a pack looking for a new Alpha and moved to Sommersville. Since they were all Alphas, Hunter didn t have a clue that he was the new Alpha until he arrived. It didn't sit well with him at all that a woman on pack land held herself in recluse and wouldn't answer and pledge herself to the new Alpha. What she could be doing there on that big estate with no one around to witness, His mind reeled with the possibilities? none of them good. Slone Morris had an understanding with the local pack? leave her alone and she'd let the pack stay on her land free of charge. It was as simple as that. She didn't deal well with people. But the new Alpha in town wouldn't take Fuck off for an answer. Slone's past threatened to rear its ugly head at every turn. There was one? someone she thought she trusted? who didn't want the past dredged back up. He was determined to stop her at all cost? Luke Emerson has big shoes to fill. He doesn't know how to be a Mayor of their small town, but with the help of his assistant, Allen, he is damn sure going to give it a good try. From what little he's seen of the town government it's corrupt and he's bound and determined to do something about it. When they receive a call that Allen's sister Jack has been critically injured in a fire, Allen falls apart. His sister is all he has left. Luke goes with him to the hospital and as soon as Luke catches her scent, he knows she's his mate, but the doctor is giving her less than a three percent chance to survive. Can you save her? Luke looked over at Allen, who was staring at his sister. I know what you are. I mean, I think I know what you are. You can't live in our town and not hear things. Are you? Am I what? Allen looked at him, and Luke felt as if he were staring at his very soul. Neither of them blinked, and when Allen finally looked away, Luke felt as if he'd been released from a tight hug. You want to know an answer to something, then ask me. I'm not going to assume anything right now. Luke has two choices: convert her to a wolf, or watch her die. He doesn't even know her, but he can't lose his mate he's just found her. But to convert her without her permission, there could be consequences. Addison Parker is on the run. No matter how fast she runs, or how far she travels she can't hide from herself, or the gift she's been cursed with. She can read people's minds and with a touch can see into their future. That is a secret that she has learned to keep well? everyone always wanted something from her when they learned what she could do. It's easier to avoid people all together. Jarrett Emerson is just helping his dad and brother protect an innocent from a perverted wretch. But when a falling brick knocks Addie unconscious, she falls right into Jarrett's arms. To his surprise he realizes that she is his mate and human … Addie felt stupid standing there like she was and moved to the sink. Jarrett watched her before he reached for a second glass. Addie had no idea why, but she thought he was nervous. "I'm not going to pounce on you." As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew that she'd made a major mistake. He turned so quickly that she backed up and hit her ass on the counter behind her. He didn't stop there but took the two more steps to have her leaning back to look up at him. "I'd like nothing more than to have you pounce on me." His voice was a soft growl that had her thinking all sorts of things that had nothing to do with food. "You're very beautiful." "No, I'm not." He nodded and halved the distance between them. "You're too close. I can't think when you're this close." Jarrett doesn't want her to leave. If she goes, he goes with her.
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That's the way it is with mates. But when a corrupt attorney has other ideas, the Emersons have to regroup to protect what they now consider their own …. Dawn Whitfield is on the run, and if her uncle catches her this time she knows he won't just beat her … he'll kill her. Her best bet is to keep moving, and at all cost keep hidden. Addie Parker finds the shackled young woman and sets her up in an old house hidden from everything. And that's where Dawn stays for eight lonely years. Ellis Emerson is in a rut. He can't seem to do anything right. He thinks he's found his mate, but can't get close enough to her to be sure … And that's a huge distraction that's turned their construction job from a week ahead of schedule with a huge bonus, to barely three days ahead. And when Addie asks him to assemble a small crew to fix one of her houses, his foreman, Dan, is all for Ellis getting away for a while. Ellis finds his skittish mate hiding away in Addie's home, but will she let her guard down long enough for him to convince her that their destiny is each other? Or will her Uncle Basil step in and finally take her prisoner again? Find out in the next installment of Emerson Wolves? Ellis. No matter how hard she tried, Kimber Gray always seemed to manage to get knocked back down a peg or two. She was a top rate chef and graduated at the top of her class, but no matter how hard she tried no one would acknowledge it. Now, blackballed in the only profession she knew, she was a failure to the one that mattered most - her daughter, Hannah. With no recourse left to her, she'd have to grovel and beg her aunt for help. Lee Emerson was glad to be back home for a while. He loved what he did, being a food critic and helping failing restaurants was a dream job come true. But he was tired of the traveling and just wanted to take care of things around the house and relax for a change. Slone, Hunter's mate, wanted to open a fancy restaurant and have Lee run it. He wasn't so sure about that, but he'd love nothing better than to hire that chef that had prepared the last meal he'd had in France before he left. It was the best meal he'd ever eaten, and he had been disappointed when he found out the man had left before he could tell him so. The slush claiming to cook the meal, wasn't the cook and he'd bet his last dollar on it. Kimber had had it. Her aunt had gone too far this time, and there was no way she'd expose her little girl to such meanness again. They'd live on the street first, and she was trying to tell Slone that she wasn't a charity case. That she could provide for her daughter somehow, when the most gorgeous man she'd ever seen cornered her, snarling that he'd protect her with his life. Ah, hell no. Who in the hell did he think he was? Hello! My name is Kathi Barton and I'm a award winning, best selling author of dark fantasy erotic paranormal romance. I have been married to my very best friend Paul, a potter, for at times seems several lifetimes - in a good way, honey. And together we have three wonderful children and then the ones we brought into the world - Paul and Dale Barton, Jason and Wendy Barton and Danielle and Ben Conklin. They have given us eight of the greatest treasures on Earth. They don't live at home seven days a week! No, seriously, eight grandchildren - Gavin, Spring, Ben, Trinity, Sarah, Kelly, Kian and Bailee "I tell you, Ram, that daughter of yours is a hoot. I just asked her what she thought of all this, and she said that the money from what was going to be tossed out when this was over could have fed an entire village for a week." Ram Stockholm looked around the room for his daughter. "When did you speak to her? I thought her and Chad had left for their honeymoon already." There was no way his daughter would say that about her own wedding. At least he hoped not. But she was a little stressed out right now. Christ, they'd spent a fortune on this thing, and to have her upset wasn't going to happen. Not that his baby girl didn't deserve it, but to say something like this to William Frank was terrible. "No, no. I meant Ramsey. To tell you the truth, Ram, I had no idea you had another child, much less one as beautiful as she is. But she's the spitting image of you now that I think on it." Ram wondered about Ramsey, his youngest child, as William continued. "Like I said, a beautiful little thing, but a mite outspoken. I'd wondered why you didn't have her up there with her sister, but I'm assuming that the two of them don't get along." "They don't. Where did
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you see her go? I'd like to speak to her. "William laughed and pointed to the large open doors at the back of the large room." Excuse me. "If William answered him, he didn't hear him. Ramsey wasn't going to ruin her sisters' day by complaining about something that was none of her business. But as soon as he stepped out on the deck to talk to her, he stilled. When the hell had she grown up? The dark blue dress she had on made the paleness of her porcelain skin almost glow. With her hair done up in one of those complicated twists, it gave her neck a gracefulness that would make most men he knew drool. She was tall too, Ram just realized, and rail thin. He cleared his throat before going out all the way. When Ramsey turned his way, Ram thought that he'd made a mistake … this could not be his child." Hello, Dad. "RamAs soon as the words left his mouth, he knew that he'd made a mistake. But the two of them, along with Gregory, their brother, had been fighting since the day that Ramsey was brought home from the hospital, or so it seemed. He just wanted peace and quiet. He never got it when they were all together. And now that he thought about it, he'd not seen them all together in a good long time. Ramsey had been … well, he had no idea where she'd been of late." First of all, I'm nineteen. Secondly, I didn't do anything other than to show up here. She seems to think that I'm going to embarrass her because I'm not in the wedding party. And people - her kind, she called them - would ask questions. "Ram started to ask her why she wasn't in the party, but Ramsey spoke again." She didn't ask me to be in it, if you were going to ask me. And when I asked her about it, she told me that I would never fit in. Deidra said that she wanted people in her party that were nice and beautiful, something that I'm certainly not. "" I'll talk to her. "He would too. He thought this feuding had gone on long enough." To be honest with you, Ramsey, I almost didn't know who you were when I came out here. And where have you been hiding yourself? You look lovely. "" Thanks. "He nodded, then followed her when she moved to sit in one of the chairs that had been brought for people to use. The country club where Deidra's wedding reception was being held was very accommodating. But he supposed that had to do with his money rather than who he might be. They sat there for several moments before Ramsey spoke again." I'm leaving, Dad. "He offered to get her a car to take her home. He asked her to tell the butler that they'd be along shortly. When she looked at him with the oddest look on her face, he wondered what he'd said wrong now. He was still trying to get over the fact that she was really nineteen." I don't live at home, and I wasn't planning on going there anyway. I haven't lived there for somebeen involved in their lives. From the time they were old enough to enter things, sometimes even before that, he and his wife Krista had been there for them. But not Ramsey. He couldn't remember a single moment, sports event, or even a play that he'd gone to for his youngest child. "I've never … I'm sorry to say, I don't know any of those things." He looked away from her knowing face and continued. "I can't remember one single play that we attended that you were in. Not a game of any sort that you might have been in. Nor do I remember having any sort of graduation party when you got out of school last year." He looked at her then. "I'm drawing a blank as to what I got you for your sixteenth birthday. What I got you for your eighteenth or any in - between, and I haven't the slightest idea what you've been up to since you got out of school." "I graduated from high school six years ago. So no, you didn't have a party for me. I think that Deidra said it would mess up her summer plans with her friends or something like that. I just finished up my last year of college last month, and I'm nearly done with my master's degree as well. I moved out when Mom told me to because I was bothering Deidra too much and it was getting on her nerves. That would have been right after I turned seventeen and was nearly finished with college. I work for …." She stood up and he did as well. "It doesn't matter now. But I'm going away. And … I have a job opportunity and I'm going to take it." "Going away to where? And what are you going to do for this company?"
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Her laugh hurt him. "Ramsey, I'm so sorry. I wish I could tell you that I do remember all of this, but I don't want to lie to you. I feel like this is all my fault. Don't leave. Please. I'd like for you to move back home and for us to get to know one another. It's not too late, is it?" "You mean because Deidra is gone now, you wouldn't mind me being there?" Ram felt as if she'd stabbed him in the heart. But ifproperly with them. That if she were more like her brother and sister, perhaps they'd take her to more places. Ram would never forgive himself. ~ ~ ~ Ramsey drove home wondering if she'd done the right thing. Her original plan had been to simply leave without telling them, but then her dad had come out to talk to her and she'd told him. It wouldn't be like them to miss her or anything. In fact, she was pretty sure that not one of them would have given her a second thought. But her dad had hurt her, and she thought that she wanted to hurt him back for a change. Well, she was sure she had, and herself as well. Going into her little house, she thought of the cases that she'd packed over the last week. She had no idea if she'd be back here again, but really couldn't see any reason to return. So what she didn't put into storage - and she'd stored very little - had been given away, sold, or just donated to whoever had wanted it. Which again, wasn't all that much. She'd sold her house the week before, and had thirty days to leave before the new owners would be taking it. Ramsey had already sold most of her furniture, and all she had left was the bed that she'd been sleeping in and a single dresser. There were no mementos in the house that she was taking. No pictures of her family because she didn't have any, and there were no pets in her life. Ramsey had made such a tiny footprint in her life so far, and she was looking forward to making more. Putting all her cameras away except the one that she'd taken to Deidra's wedding, she made her way to the darkroom. Her plane didn't leave until late tomorrow night, but she'd told her dad differently because she didn't want him to think they could get together beforehand. Ramsey had meant nothing to them before this, and she saw no reason to try and cram a lifetime of conversations and hugs into her last day. Neither of them would be very comfortable with that, and she was pretty sure it would piss off her mother. The woman had never really likedname when she worked was enough to distance her from her family. "I have a noon opening, and also one at two. Which one can I put you down for?" "Neither." He laughed a little on the other end. Ramsey put the mail, mostly credit card applications, in the trash and pulled a paper bowl from the sleeve to have some cereal. "I really have to go, Mr. Carter. I have things to do." "Wait. This is the job of a lifetime, Miss … can I call you Ramsey? This is the job of a lifetime. This is a large paper and very prestigious. Think of what doors it could open for you in the long - term." She didn't answer him but yawned. "Ramsey, tell me what I need to do to have you come here and work for us." "There is nothing you can do. I do not want to work for you. I have a job, one that I wanted and worked hard for. I'm sorry, but you'll have to find someone else." She hung up as he was speaking. Then when she was sure that he wasn't going to be on the other end, she put a block on his number and sent it directly to her voicemail. He'd more than likely still call and fill up the message box, but for now she was happy. The stupid man worked for her father, as he owned the paper that Mr. Carter thought she should come to work for. And not only that, but the job that he wanted her to take? She'd been doing it all the way through college to make ends meet. It had always surprised her that not once in all that time had she ever run across her family. After making sure that everything was turned off in the darkroom, she made her way to her room after eating the last of her cereal. The bed wasn't made, of course, but she didn't care. Taking the last of her suitcases off it, Ramsey stripped down and laid out on the messy bed. She was asleep almost immediately. Two hours later she was awake and refreshed. Taking a long hot shower, Ramsey thought of where she might be going. And when she got there, what she was going to do first. Ramsey didn't have a job to go to
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like everyone thought. She'd said that "Why are you doing this? I thought we cleared things up last night." She was still standing on her stoop when he came back for the other piece of luggage. "Dad? What are you really doing here?" "How about if we have dinner before you go? I know you have time. We can even eat in the airport if you want. I just … I'd like to have dinner with you before you go. I don't deserve this chance, and Lord knows that you have every reason to tell me to go to hell, but I need this, Ramsey." She asked him why again. "Because I need to connect with you, and will take whatever …. No, that's not quite right. I do want to be with you tonight, but I also wanted to make sure you knew how serious I was about you calling me. I thought … I hoped that I could convince you that I love you." "I love you too, but this is unnecessary. Besides, I was just going to grab a burger at the airport, then wait for my flight. Dad, what does Mom think about you being here?" When he looked away, she knew. "She told you not to come here, didn't she? It's all right, Dad. Whatever she said, I'm sure she was right." "She said you were trying for attention. You weren't going anywhere, but acting out because you weren't the center of attention at the wedding. I told her she couldn't have been more wrong. You've never wanted to be there before. That's more Deidra's style, not yours." He took the box from her and noticed that it had his name on it. "What's this?" "I took some pictures at the wedding and thought she'd want them. Or you might. I don't care. I don't even know why I took them other than I wanted to do it. It was just … I don't understand any of this." He laughed, and it sounded so sad that she had to brace herself when the pain tore at her heart. "You should go back home before Mom gets upset." "She already is. And it's doubtful that she's going to be in any better mood from now on." He shut the trunk of his car and turned to her. "Where are you going, Ramsey? Pparked, he took most of her luggage and she her carry - on things. He had the box of pictures under his arm, and when she asked him about that, he laughed." I want to see them while you're here so that I can tell you what a great job you did. "He laughed again when she told him they might be crap." Nah, I don't think so. I found out you're pretty famous with your camera. I mean, you are R. S. Holms, aren't you? I had no idea. "" No one does. And I'd like to keep it that way. "He nodded as they made their way through the line to have her luggage checked." Those pictures aren't your normal wedding kind of thing. Most of them are candid shots that I had fun taking. You really might think they're crap when you see them. "" I highly doubt that. You're quite famous as a photographer, aren't you? The article I read about you, they don't know who you are, do they? No one even knows that you're a female. "She shook her head." I'm glad I looked. I almost skipped over the article because it said you weren't who I was looking for. Why did you change it? "" My personal life is just that. Personal. And if I put out there that I was who I am, I think any doors that would have opened for me when I started taking pictures would have been because of your last name. This is all mine, not the family's. "She wondered if she might have hurt him again, but he smiled at her." I wanted to do this on my own, and I did it. "" You certainly did, and I understand that. "She wasn't sure he did but said nothing." While our name means a great deal around the world, you just wanted to make it without my help. I'm proud of you for that. "" Thank you. "After her luggage was tagged and taken away, they decided to have dinner at one of the nicer restaurants in the place. Ramsey had about three hours before her plane took off, and she wasn't sure she wanted to sit with her dad while waiting. He seemed to genuinely want to be with her, but she was sure that he'd get bored after aHe had made his way through about half the pictures when their dinner came. Ramsey had the grilled salmon with grilled scallops on the side, plus a huge baked potato. Her dad, a steak and potatoes man,
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had ordered a beautiful porterhouse with the same potato with butter and sour cream. No salads for either of them. When he looked at the last picture in the box, she felt herself getting uncomfortable. He stared at the last one for so long that she wanted to ask him what was wrong with it. Her dad looked at her with tears in his eyes and she felt her heart twist. "The only family picture in the world that is half assed. You should have been in this with us. Obviously you were there. Why didn't you join us?" She just shook her head and he nodded as if he might know. "Was it your mom or Deidra that told you to step out of the picture? I have no doubt, after this, that it could have been both of them." "I understand why she didn't want me there. It was Deidra's day, not mine." That wasn't really what was said to her, but it was less painfully said her way. "But the picture turned out nicely, didn't it?" "It did. I believe that these pictures are going to be much nicer than the ones we paid that man too much money to take. But I want to know. What did your mother say to you, Ramsey? I need to know." She didn't want to tell him. But then she thought what the hell, I'm leaving and more than likely won't be back. "Ramsey?" "She told me it was for the family and not for upstarts like me. I started to point out that I was her daughter too when she … she slapped me. Told me that she wished I'd not been born. I unbalanced her life. Unbalanced? How did I …? I had no say in being born. Why does she say things like that to me?" She turned away from him to finish. "To be honest with you, it was the deciding factor in my leaving without saying a word to any of you. I don't know why I even told … yes I do. I wanted to hurt you like you all have hurt me my entire life. That's the that I want you to use. It's … well, it's mine and mine alone. If you can't get me that way, then use the house phone. But I want you to call me. Weekly if you can." "I don't need this, Dad." He pushed it back at her when she tried to give it back. "Dad, you don't have to do this for me to call you. I will." "It's not why I'm doing it. I want you to have a backup plan. A way to come home to me if you need me." She wanted to tell him she needed him years ago, but said nothing. "I wasn't there for you for nineteen years, Ramsey, but I want to be now." Nodding, she was moving to the gates when he called her back. This hug she returned, and felt better when they parted ways. Ramsey cried all the way to her first stop, and got off the plane with a heavy and saddened heart.
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I worked with a woman and her son. The son got into some serious trouble with the law. I could see that she was distressed so I spoke to her when I had a chance to some privacy with her. She told me that she was so ashamed. The first thing I told her was that she had nothing to be ashamed about. She had done nothing wrong. She had committed no crime. I also told her it was okay to still love her son. He may have done something wrong but he is still her son. A mother should love her children no matter what. And even though what he did (and admitted to doing) was wrong he is still a basically good person. I knew him and believed that. My son is a wonderful person and I am terribly proud of him. You need to remember that because it is important. If he did anything he should not have done it does not change the fact that he is a generous caring person who loves his family. His family loves him. Period. When he found out that I was writing this blog my son became so excited. He, as well as his brothers and sister, have been after me for years to write these stories down and compile a family history. I send him copies of what I have written and he comments back. Then I got a bonus. He has been sending me stories. Some of them I knew at least parts of. Some are new. He told me I can share them here. I will write them in his voice. One day I was at my house with my girlfriend. It was the middle of the day when I got a phone call. It was my girlfriend's ex - boyfriend. He said he was in front of my house and wanted to talk to me. I went out and he was there in his car with his brother. His brother was a cop from a small town on the other side of our state and in full uniform. I walked to the car. The brother told me I needed to stop seeing his brother's girlfriend... because he said so. He put his hand menacingly on his gun and said he wasn't playing. I told him he would have to do a lot more than that to scare me. I couldn't believe what I just heard him say! In less than 2 minutes there were 30 or 40 cops at my house along with the police commander. The police grabbed me and searched my house. The out - of - town cop told them I had kidnapped his brother's child and girlfriend and was holding them in my house. The police commander of my city was mad, really mad! He told them that you don't call an officer down call in the city when nothing is going on. He cussed them both up and down, then he apologized to my girlfriend and me and let us go back inside. He took the two men with him. I never heard from them again. My girlfriend didn't hear from him for a long time. When they did run into each other he was very polite and never spoke of the incident. There was a tape recorded meeting with a Drug Enforcement Agency officer talking about going to rob a drug house for about 20 kilos of cocaine. When they got done talking they were all supposed to go to the place. At the last minute they decided not to do it and turned the other way. As they were leaving a police car pulled them over on a "routine" traffic stop. The police searched their car and found a gun. All five were taken in and charged with possession of the gun and a cocaine indictment. I showed them that the search was illegal because of a new case out of Arizona. It made it so your car can't be searched without a warrant, just like your house. Their lawyer told them I was wrong and to not listen to me. I gave them the case and they took it to the lawyer. He said that it was new and that I was right. Then I showed them that even though they had abandoned the robbery they could still be indicted for conspiring to sell cocaine. Since they reasonably couldn't get any drugs, the police had to charge them with the lowest possible amounts. Every one of them was looking at less than 1 1 / 2 years. I was transferred because I was going to court so I didn't hear from any of them for a while. Finally I got a letter from one of them. The government threw out the whole case because they did not want to spend the time and money to prosecute for a case that would net so little jail time. They had tried to find me but I was "lost in the system". They wanted to give me some money even though I had not asked for anything in return. They found a friend of mine and told him to give me the money and to tell me thank you. They would help me with anything I need. It is just one more reason the feds hate me. I didn't just study the laws. I learned why they do the things they do. I understand them. Most people don't take the time. I love food.
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I like the way it looks when it is presented attractively. I like the way it smells. I like the textures and tastes as I enjoy chewing and swallowing. I like the cozy feeling I get when I have finished eating. There are few foods that I do not like. Liver is the first I think of. I like the taste but the texture is gritty to me and I cannot eat it. Coffee smells so good but it tastes oily and bitter so I have never developed a taste for it. Calamari looks, feels, chews, and tastes like those extra wide rubber bands teachers are so fond of using. I am not fond of a lot of meats. I like my meat dry and a lot of meats are just naturally greasy. Game animals do not appeal to me for a variety of reasons. I am fond of one dish meals like soups, salads, and casseroles. I have always said that there is nothing you can do to hurt them. Homemade breads are definite comfort food. Lobster tail. I really like lobster but a whole lobster is just too much. The tail is full of meat and is just the right amount for a good meal. Devil's food cake with fudge frosting. My mother made the best fudge frosting. She made it like regular fudge but it did not set quite as hard. It would spread on the cake and then set a bit more. I have tried to make it myself but I just cannot get the right consistancy. Chilaquiles. This is a Mexican dish. It is made of chunks of tortilla fried with salsa and scrambled eggs. Try it, you'll like it. Baclava. Some call it sweeties. It is a desert made with phyllo and honey and nuts. It is extremely rich and sweet. You can only eat one piece. New England boiled dinner. A combination of corned beef, carrots, potatoes, turnips, onions, and cabbage along with a lot of seasonings all in one big pot. My mouth waters just thinking about it. Manicotti. That big piece of pasta filled with cheeses and covered with a tomato based sauce makes you feel like you have eaten a definite meal. Poppyseed coffee cake. The poppyseed filling is a custard type with lots of poppy seeds in it. One must be careful though. Poppyseeds are a natural laxative. Watermelon. I could eat it every day and several times a day if the opportunity arose. Sweet, juicy, and a little messy, it is a good way to keep cool on a hot day. Tea. I like Earl Grey and Irish breakfast tea the best. Some of the herbal teas are too sweet for me. Chocolate candy. Especially chocolate covered cherries. I also am overly fond of chocolate covered peanuts. Chocolate covered fruits are a treat too. These are a few of my absolute favorites. Of course if I am having a hot dog and potato chips, that is my favorite at that time. A good steak and baked potato makes my mouth happy. Banana cream pie bursts with flavor and is my favorite while I am eating it. I like food. I talked about Christmas in a previous story so I will leave it out of this one. Christmas is my favorite holiday; that is why I devoted so much time to it. It is the one time of year when you are somewhat forced to show the people you care about how much you care about them. We should make that time all year long but we do not. So even if you think Christmas is too commercialized, enjoy the feelings of love given and received. The gifts and food are the excuse to get together to do that. New Year's Day is the beginning of the year in the United States. It is treated as a holiday and most workers have a paid day off. The truth of the matter is that New Year's Eve is what most people celebrate. They go to bars or parties to celebrate and drink with their friends. It is the holiday that Americans use as an excuse to get drunk. I worked as a waitress in a bar for several years. We both hated and loved New Year's Eve. As a group we would rent tuxedos to wear for the occasion. It was not something our employer asked or expected of us... it was what we did to make it fun for us. So we paid for the tuxes out of our own pockets. The place I worked sold tickets and only allowed a certain number of people in. It cut down on the misunderstandings that sometimes come with overindulgence. It was also just more orderly. Regular customers would make reservations so that large groups could sit together to welcome in the new year. They might even request that they be seated in the section of their favorite waitress. It was a jolly mood and people would have a good time with each other. There was a DJ and a live band so music and dancing were a large part of the night. We also stayed open an extra two hours to give them a longer time to celebrate. All of that was fun. But the waitresses and bartenders worked hard all night. We were not paid more by management so we hoped for good tips. After a couple of years we realized the reason the tips were
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so low. In a big party of people (sometimes there would be twenty or thirty in one party) a lot of them thought that everyone else was tipping so it was not necessary for them. We made less money on that night than any other night of the year. One thing I do not like about New Year's Eve is that some people think it gives them the right to drive drunk. There are so many drunk drivers on the streets that I do not go out anymore. Not even to the movies. I simply stay home and watch the ball drop in Times Square on television. St Valentine's Day is a cute holiday. When I was a little girl it was great fun to sign my name to little valentine cards for all my classmates at school. We usually all took some sort of treats as well because there would be a little party at the end of the school day. St Patrick's Day is huge in my family. My children are all Irish you know. Wearing of the green and tales of leprechauns and banshees are the order of the day. My brother - in - law had a huge St Bernard dog. He built a little cart that the dog could pull. For St Patrick's Day my sister - in - law would decorate it in green. Then my niece and my daughter would dress like the Irish lassies they are and ride in the dog - powered wagon in the St Patrick's Day parade. I always loved Celtic music, especially the Irish Rovers. I know you remember them. They sang The Unicorn song. I had always wanted to go see them live. My children were no fun and none of them would go with me. None of my friends were ever interested and it did not seem like it would be any fun to go alone so I never went. Then my darling granddaughter said she would go with me. I got the tickets and we made a night of it. We went out to dinner. We dressed in our finest greenery. What a good time we had. My granddaughter was enthralled. She glowed as she watched them sing. The man sitting on the other side of her was having as much fun watching her as I was. She loved the music and she loved the jokes and bantering onstage. After the performance the Irish Rovers gather to give autographs and take pictures with fans. They were so nice to my granddaughter and talked to her to say they were glad she was there. She was in love. We have an annual date now to see them when they come to town before St Patrick's Day. The guys in the band remember her and make a point of speaking to her. Sadly this will be their last year of touring. Easter was fun when I was a child. Easter baskets full of goodies and colored eggs all over the house. We would search for the eggs the Easter Bunny hid. Somehow Mom always knew exactly how any there were. Often we would go to the farm to eat a nice Easter Dinner with my grandparents and aunts and uncles. Cousins would come with other aunts and uncles. If the weather was nice we would hide and re - hide the eggs all day outside. On rainy days we went to the attic and hid them there. Of course someone always hid an egg in the mouth of Grandpa's stuffed bobcat. Of course I was always the one to see it first. Of course my competitive spirit forced me to take that egg. I would shake as I took it but I always got that egg. Then my father died on Good Friday. We were all devastated. He was truly the center of the family. We tried to keep things as normal for the children as possible to try to ease their pain a bit. The years passed and my youngest son was married and had two children. He asked me why we did not have the big Easter get - togethers any more. I was shocked. I told him I did not realize that we had drifted away from them. He re - started fun family Easter celebrations. There were games and food and egg hunts again. The thing that my grandchildren remember most is a new tradition. Once the eggs have been mauled by the hunters, they all get together and have an Easter egg fight. They throw eggs at each other until kids and adults are covered with shells and egg stuff. How times have changed. May Day is not celebrated much anymore. I can remember making May baskets out of large paper cupcake holders and pipe cleaners. Then we would fill it with candies. We would go to the home of someone we liked. We would go to the door, ring the bell (or knock), set down the basket, and run. If the person receiving the basket could catch you that person had to give you a kiss. Nobody had explained how this worked. I had prepared several baskets and was with my mother delivering them. I knocked on the door and stood there. Mom was yelling, "Run, run!" I was confused. After my first kiss, Mom explained how it worked. Now she tells me. Memorial Day is a special time. It is the day we take to remember those we have lost over the years. Trips
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to the cemetery are the order of the day. Graves are cleaned and headstones washed. Flowers are planted. Flags are placed. At one cemetery we are fortunate to have a man playing bagpipes who wanders through the cemetery playing appropriate music. I had a friend on the city council of our city. She told me she had tickets for people who wanted to sit on top of one of the buildings downtown to watch fireworks. How many did I want? I asked how many I could have. I was able to take my cub scouts, my little league baseball team that I managed, all my nieces and nephews, my brother and sister, and my mother and father. There were folding chairs for everyone to sit on. We were right at the edge of the river. The fireworks were launched from a barge in the middle of the river. It was beautiful. Labor Day is the day to honor the worker. Most workers have a paid day off. It is also known as "the last blast of summer". Many people get together and cook out for one last time before putting the barbecue grill away for the winter. Then comes Halloween. My second favorite holiday. It is so much fun. There are scary scarecrows, people dressed in scary or funny costumes, and trick - or - treating. My brother and his friends dressed as KISS every year until they were grown. Then the younger boys took over. Now my grandchildren are KISS. Is my family obsessed or what? There have been other notable costumes. When I was in kindergarten Mom made my costume. I was a pumpkin. My costume was held in it's rounded shape by metal coat hangers. I had trouble getting through the door to my classroom but I loved that costume. My second son wanted to be the Grim Reaper. I found directions in a magazine to show me how to get the make - up done. It turned out so well that he went like that for several years in a row. My oldest son decided he was too old to trick - or - treat. He was. He dressed as a scarecrow. He used an old pillowcase over his head so he did not look human. An old hat and baggy clothes with newspapers stuffed in to make him look lumpy and a few pieces of straw around the neck, arms, and legs completed his costume. He sat in a chair at the end ot the steps where we were passing out treats. He would wait until a child was the only one looking at him then he would give a little wave. After the initial shock of seeing the scarecrow move the child would tell his mother about it. Every time, the mother would soothe the child and tell him it was his imagination. Then as soon as she would look away it would happen again. My son had a lot of fun. It was more fun than he had as a werewolf. We used Elmer's glue and fake whisker bits to make his face and hands nice and hairy but not evenly so. When he returned from trick - or - treating he could not wait to get it off. It itched. My oldest grandson was a little old to be trick - or - treating but he and his friends went just to have fun. He dressed as a ghost with a white sheet and a white pillow case over his head. His friend went as an escaped prisoner. His friend happens to be black. People were acting really funny when the boys knocked on their doors. Finally the police came. My grandson was told to go home and take off his costume. People thought he was dressed as a member of the Ku Klux Klan! My second grandson was reading the Bible... for pleasure. He does things that one would not expect of a child but there you are. He decided to be Moses for Halloween. He got a great many compliments on his costume but most people thought he was dressed as Jesus even though he was holding the tablets with the 10 Commandments. Thanksgiving is the holiday for being thankful for all the good things in your life. The traditional meal is centered around a roast turkey. And a lot of everything to go with it. In my family Mom always cooked a huge dinner. Then we could eat and nibble whenever we wanted to. The thing was that there were also football games on television. Mom and Daddy watched as many as they could find. And woe to the person who had the temerity to get between them and the TV. Mom would yell to get out of the way. Daddy did not yell. He simply took off his slipper and let it fly. We usually went to our rooms and played cards or read. You have already met my ex - husband. What I did not tell you was how very intelligent he was. He did not have an education which he equated with being stupid. He was wrong. I also did not tell you how very funny he was. He did not realize that he was funny which made him even funnier. He was also an alcoholic which is sad. My husband did not start out as a drinker. It was a gradual thing. But as the years passed (we were married for 20 years) his drinking increased. Beer was
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his choice and he was usually a "sleepy" drinker. By that I mean he would drink then get sleepy and go to bed. But if he drank vodka which was the only hard liquor he drank he would want to fight. I cannot tell how many times he would call me to come get him. "They're picking on me," he would say. I would get to the bar just in time to see him and some other guy rolling on the ground fighting. Once I got them separated the fight was over. Then he would get up, look at the other guy and say, "Man, that was a good fight. You want a beer?" And back into the bar they would go. I shake my head just thinking about it. In case anyone has a concern about his temper, my husband never threatened or hurt my children or me. He thought that was the lowest thing a man could do. And that is something I would not have endured. One evening a friend of my husband's had come to do some work on our television. My husband came in from the bar and sat to look thoughtfully at the man. After several minutes he said, "You know, for fifty dollars I could have you killed." The next day my husband could not understand why the TV was not working. I told him he threatened to have the guy killed. He did not believe me. It was late and I invited him to supper with us. As we were eating I told the man that my husband did not remember what happened and did not know why he had not returned right away to fix the television. He reluctantly and with his eyes peeking from under his brow looked at my husband and said, "Man, you threatened to have me killed." My husband could not read. It embarrassed him and he went to night school for beginning readers. He learned a little bit. Then he got a new job and we moved out of state so there went his education. However my husband could make anything. And I mean anything. Once a driver came into our junk yard driving his dump truck. My husband asked for a favor. The driver lifted the dump bed on the truck with the hydraulic equipment. Then he would lower it again. My husband squatted on the ground watching the workings of the hydraulic system as the driver repeated the lift and return several times. Then he thanked the driver. He had seen all he needed to see. My husband then proceeded to make a hydraulic lift system for one of our trucks. But he did not go buy materials. We had a junk yard. He used scrap metals that were just lying around. It worked perfectly. He also built the winches to make our tow trucks. Again he just used scrap metal that was there. They turned out so well that he even made a few for colleagues in the business. My son owned a shop where he worked on his fleet of trucks. He was out taking care of business one day when a friend called him. "I thought you would like to know... Your dad's on television." He had been removing trees from the lot around my son's place of business to make more room. He was using a backhoe / front end loader to knock the trees over. One of the trees fell onto the power lines and took out the power for the whole area. More than 200 houses and companies were without power. My son's father sat on the tree stump giving his slurred statement to the reporter. The machinery he had been driving was laying on its side near him in view of the cameras. My son was mortified. My husband also owned a truck or two. A driver for one of his trucks was going up a small hill and somehow ruined the clutch. The truck had about 100, 000 lbs of cargo. The friend who let them use a tow truck only had a small tow truck. Too small for the job but that was what was available. Naturally my husband had been drinking. My son was with him to help try to get things moving. They hooked up the tow truck. Then the police arrived. There were two males and a female. My husband was driving the tow truck. It was obvious that he not only had been drinking but that he still was. The police did not comment on that. He stood at the door of the truck talking to them. Now my husband never ever gave any thought to what other people might think. He stood there talking to the police then abruptly went around the truck and to the back of it. The female officer followed him to make sure he was not trying to escape. My son just held his head. He knew what was coming. Between the trailers of the truck, he set his beer down on one of them. Then he proceeded to unzip his pants and urinate. The female officer turned away in shock. The male officers were laughing so hard that one of them actually fell onto the ground. My husband finished and walked around the truck as if nothing had happened out of the ordinary. A quick huddle was held to plan what they were going to do. My son got
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in the truck with the bad clutch. His father got in the tow truck and began to pull. My son got his truck started. It was not easy but he did it. The tow truck popped up in the air then came back down. My husband was driving his truck. As he was going through an intersection in the city, a motorcycle ran the red light. The bike and the driver were under the truck when my husband stopped. He jumped out to help the motorcycle rider. When he looked under the truck he saw that there was no helping him. The rider was tangled in the framework of the truck. In order to free him my husband would have to back the truck over him. It was not a good option. All he could do was crawl under the truck and try to give comfort to the man as he died. That was the man I married. Most of these stories happened after we were divorced. My son actually told them to me and I promised I would include them here. Most of them make it sound like he was a hopeless drunk. He actually never missed work because of his drinking. That is not to say that he was not drinking at work because he usually was. He was also basically a good man. I have four beautiful children thanks to him. Each of them have traits of their father and each of them looks like him. I would be a pitiful person to think ill of a person who gave me all that. I love to dance. I am not a good dancer but I am an enthusiastic dancer. I have a good sense of rhythm and I pick up steps easily. My sister and I desperately wanted to go to a dance. There was a live band instead of jukebox music. We begged until Daddy drove us and dropped us off. He would pick us up later. We were so much younger than everyone else there. And neither of us actually knew how to dance. We stood against the wall most of the night. We felt terribly out of place. Once in a while we would turn our backs and practice a few of the steps we saw others doing. What a relief when Daddy came to pick us up and take us home. In junior high school we learned to do "partner" dancing. Because girls and boys were not allowed to mix during school hours I usually took the place of a boy because I was tall. And of course National Bandstand (which later became American Bandstand) was on television so we could learn the popular dances at home. As we walked in the door at the dance we were given a piece of construction paper with a number on it. The boys got a blue paper and the girls got a red one. The first dance was announced. When the music began the boy and girl with matching numbers would dance the first dance with each other. In high school we were required to take a semester of modern dance. We learned how to wave in the wind like trees. We learned to mimic the movements of animals. And we learned two choreographed dances. One was to "Shortnin 'Bread". I do not remember the dance. The second was to "Go You Chicken Fat, Go" sung by Robert Preston who played the leading role in the movie The Music Man. The dance was awful. We had to contort our bodies into shapes and positions that are impossible for most people, including me. The song is fast and long. It was supposed to be a song to accompany an exercise program, not a dance. As time had progressed I had learned to dance however. I could do all the popular dances. The slop. the bop, the jitterbug, the Frug, the jerk, the lindy hop, the stroll, the twist, the hand jive... all of them and more. I am also quite good at following the male during a slow dance so I learned something from my earlier embarrassment. My boyfriend and I went with his best friend, his friend's sister and parents to their club. It was dance night. The two adults were doing a fascinating dance. They were watched by everyone. I do not to this day know what the dance was but it was great. The father asked his daughter to dance with him. When they returned he was chuckling because every time his daughter would loosen up and relax a bit while he was trying to teach her their dance, she would lapse into the jitterbug. They had a good time but they looked awkward. Then he asked me to try. I tried to relax and just let him lead me around the dance floor. I followed him and we did quite well. A lot of people came up to compliment me afterward. It felt good. I do not think I ever mentioned this before but my children are no fun. They liked it when I sang to them for instance, but they would never sing along. And when I tried to get them to dance with me... they would absolutely not do it. Even if they were very small and I was holding them in my arms to dance with them, they would wiggle out and run away. My dancing is not that bad. When my daughter was
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taking dance classes (Yes my daughter. She still would not dance with me) some of us mothers would go out for a while after our children were taken home. Usually it was to somewhere that there was dancing. We were in a bar one night. There was a great big bear of a man who was celebrating. His wife had just given birth to a baby girl. He was buying shots and serving them to everybody in the place. This big man came over to ask my extremely pretty friend to dance. She said, "No, but Emma will." I did not know how (at that time) to refuse him so I got up to dance. I am tall and solid so I was surprised when he started dragging me around the dance floor. I was flopping around like a rag doll. All my friends were laughing so hard. I threatened to kill them all, with a particularly slow and agonizing death for the one who offered me as a dance partner. My husband was driving a truck owned by the proprietor of a bar. The man was Mexican so naturally he had a Mexican bar. Often we would go into the bar to pick up my husband's paycheck. They had Mariachi bands sometime and sometimes they had regular bands who could also play Mexican music. My husband did not dance but if he had a few drinks under his belt he would get up and flail around. We learned to do a Mexican line - type dance. Everyone danced following a great big circle. We called it the Mexican polka but I do not know if that is what it really is. We could shimmy, conga, pony, cotton - eyed Joe, electric slide... and line dances were all the rage. Some of those line dances were really complicated. There was even one that employed calisthenics as a part of the dance. Of course there were slow dances too. The band called them "belly rubbers". And not all partner dancing is slow. One that I could never get the hang of was the polka. I do not know why but it eluded me. Then the father of one of the guys in the band asked me to dance. He was a very nice man and an accomplished dancer. We waltzed, cha - chaed, and then came the music for a polka. I tried to refuse but he insisted. As i followed him I DID IT! I did the polka. Now if someone can lead me through it I can polka. Dancing is excellent exercise. Because of the music it is fun and you do not even realize that you are doing so much good for your body. Try it, you will like it. We had a large family. My final sibling, a little brother, had just been born. We had a little house. There was barely enough room to turn around sometimes. But Daddy had a solution. One block over and one block down (we lived on top of a hill) there was a lot for sale. We bought it. And we were going to put a house on it. Not just any house. We would build it ourselves. Mom and Daddy found a company that specialized in pre - cut homes. They were not prefabricated. But each and every piece of wood was cut to specification for the home you wanted to build. My parents chose a ranch style home with three bedrooms. First we had to hire someone to level the ground. That is important if you want a level floor I suppose. Daddy marked off the area with posts and string. Then we hired a truck to bring in cement for the floor of the basement. Daddy leveled it and we had to wait for it to dry. Next Daddy mixed some mortar and began to build the foundation walls using cement blocks. He checked periodically to make sure his blocks were level. Level is so important when building. This foundation would also serve as the walls for the basement. Even though Daddy was doing the bulk of the work we all helped by handing him blocks, trowels, and more mortar. And lots of coffee. Once the foundation was ready we began on the base of the house which was what would lie below the flooring. Then the skeleton of the structure and the roof. It was beginning to take shape. Daddy showed us how to hammer in the nails to hold everything in place. No holding the hammer "like a girl". Hold it at the end of the handle so you get a more accurate and stronger down stroke. Mom liked hardwood floors so that is what we had. It was a lot of work to do that right. Once the wood was fitted into place it had to be sanded, finished, and waxed. But oh my was it nice. We had the largest bedroom. Young ladies need room you know. It had nothing to do with the fact that my younger brother and youngest sister were also in this room. My sister was not much more than a baby but she was a girl. My brother could not be in the same room with the two older boys... they would have killed him. So we needed room for two double beds as well as the other furniture needed in a bedroom. The kitchen had
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room for the stove, refrigerator, and a small table. Being a modern family of the 60's we usually ate in front of the television in the living room. Of course there was the kitchen sink. It was where my sister and I were expected to do the dishes every day. I hate washing dishes every bit as much as I hate outdoor toilets. Daddy did all the plumbing and electrical installation. He was not licensed to be a plumber or electrician so he had to have everything inspected as he went along so sometimes we had to wait until the inspector could sign off on it. He installed the furnace in the basement. There was an extra space in the basement for an extra room we used as a play room. The basement also held the washing machine. It was an old wringer washer. In decent weather I would wheel it outside the basement door and do the laundry outside in the sun. I did the family laundry once a week to get out of doing dishes that day. (I also spent another day doing the ironing of said laundry to get one more day of not doing those hated dishes.) In bad weather I just did the laundry inside. We all feel a bond with that house because we were the ones who built it. I went to that town a few years ago on vacation. Of course one of the first things I wanted to see was the house. It looked exactly the same. I knocked on the door to let the people who lived there know why I was taking pictures but no one was home. I have since moved back to the area. I drove by the house one day and saw a notice on the door. I thought it was a notice that the house was going to be demolished. I was heart - broken. Recently I drove by there again to see what had happened. The house was still there. Instead of the beautiful blue we had painted it and it still was after all the years, they had painted it a milk chocolate brown with dark chocolate trim. It's actually very nice. There was a set of swings in the front yard so I know children are living there. I felt much better. I have had a huge variety of jobs over the years. I wish I would have planned better for my old age but I am rather childlike in that my interests change and I move on. When I am doing something I become obsessive about it. Then my interest wanes and I move on. It is a character flaw. I began as a child. I had lemonade stands. I do not remember selling any but it tasted good. I weeded gardens, both flower and vegetable. I shoveled snow. I even sold imprinted greeting cards. The first job that I paid income tax and had social security taxes withheld was as a pinsetter in the bowling alley. I was 11 years old. We actually had four whole lanes in the bowling alley. However we did not have automatic pinsetters that are common now. But we were semi - automatic. On league night we were really busy. I always managed to get the lane where the chiropractor's wife was bowling. She was a "pleasingly plump" little ball herself. She wore heavy make - up and a tight corset. Her eyebrows were obviously applied using a stencil and solidly colored in. Yikes. Because of her corset she could not move easily. Bending to release her ball was impossible. She would waddle up to the line then set the ball on the lane. Only the slope of the lane made it move towards the pins. I cannot tell you how many times it did not have the velocity to knock the pins over. It would just stop when the pins blocked its path. That woman ordered herself a personal bowling ball. I do not know what it was made of but it stunk so bad. We all hated to handle that thing. Occasionally one or more of the pins would be slightly off center and it would jam the rack. The rack would not go back up until it had gone all the way down. So we had to find the faulty pin and dislodge it. It was dirty and greasy back there. In the summer it was so hot. Sometimes we were allowed to prop the back door open to move a little air through. We made one penny per line. A line is one game per person. So if ten people each bowled two lines we made twenty cents. It was decent money. On Sundays the papers were not dropped off in town. We had to drive about fifteen miles to the next town to get them. On the way back we delivered to subscribers who normally got them in the mail. With no Sunday mail we left them in the mail box. As I got older I baby sat. Twenty - five cents per hour was the going rate. I had regular customers who would leave right before supper and return early the next morning. For 12 hours I would make $4. 00. It was good money then. I also did some volunteer work. I worked as a candy striper in a nursing home. One day while I was walking to the nursing home I got caught in a downpour. I was totally saoked from the top of my
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head to the insides of my shoes. After clucking fo a while about how wet I was the nurses just put me to work answering phones. I did some volunteer work at the local museum. It was in a small house and everything was piled on top of other things and dusty. We were trying to organize and catalog the historical items. The museum has moved to larger quarters twice since then. I still recognize some of the things from the first museum. When I was in high school I worked at Christmas time ringing bells for the Salvation Army. I was one of those people you see on street corners ringing a bell and standing in front of the pots where you can drop in money to help the less fortunate. It was really good money. Minimum wage was seventy five cents an hour. That is what they paid us. One night I was at my assigned corner. It was bitterly cold and the wind was blowing hard. Luckily I had on my winter apparel plus the cape the Salvation Army supplies. Those capes are super warm. I was standing on a flattened cardboard box to help keep my feet warm by not touching the cement of the sidewalk. A big gust of wind came and caught the little sign on the stand that the pot hung from. It fell right over. No money fell out but I took the sign off so it would not happen again. Soon they came and collected me, my pot of money, and my lovely warm cape. Fresh out of high school I had a job in the dietary department of the hospital. We made the food for all the patients according to dietary needs. It was all made from scratch. We also supplied the cafeteria so hospital employess and visitors could eat. I worked the early morning shift. There were two older women who had been there since the hospital opened and each of them thought they owned the place. And they were so jealous of each other and expected people to take sides. I am not good at taking sides but I am good at agreeing to whatever they said then doing things the way I intended to do them from the beginning. I actually got along well with both of them. I was assigned to serve pediatrics on the first floor and then go up to obstetrics on the fourth floor. We had heavy steam carts to keep the food warm and we pushed those to the floors we served. The individual trays had been sent ahead with name cards on each one so we knew what type of diet to serve. For breakfast I went first to pediatrics to serve the children. There were toasters in each little kitchen on the floor. So I made toast and served the food onto plates. The nurses and aids took the food to the rooms. Then I would go to obstetrics and repeat. I made $240 per month. It was good money. I have been a waitress both in restaurants and bars where I also tended bar. I managed a band. I was the assistant manager of a body shop where we repaired cars that needed body work. I did telemarketing (I know I hate them too) selling long lasting light bulbs. I was a cashier in a major department store chain in the state. I was promoted to cashier in charge meaning that I was in charge of the other cashiers during that shift. Then I made it to the cash office where we counted down all of the cashiers' drawers to make sure they balanced and kept all of the financial records for the store. I was secretary / bookkeeper for a man who conducted liquidation sales for stores that were going out of business. I worked in a fast food restaurant. I absolutely hated that job. It was the people I worked with not the job but it left a real bad taste in my mouth. I worked in a factory making industrial shocks. We made shocks for rides in amusement parks like Disney World. We made the shocks that made Batman's cape turn into wings in the Batman movies. Eventually I was assigned to laser print the company logo and part number onto the shocks. Because of the laser I was in a little room that n o one could enter unless I let them in. I loved that job. And I drove a truck. What kind? Any truck. If a vehicle has a steering wheel and gas pedal I can drive it. Eighteen wheelers, delivery trucks, cars, hi - los, construction equipment... I can drive them all. Again this is another story. Now I am retired. I worked most of my life. I paid taxes for more than 50 years. I think no one should be expected to work that long. Like I said I did not plan well for my old age but I am doing better than just getting by so I guess things worked out okay. I do however get really angry at those politicians who begrudge me my government payment every month. They call it an entitlement. Entitlement my Aunt Fanny. I paid into that for more than 50 years. The money is mine, mine, mine. I earned it. Meet the baby of the family. Mind you he is not the youngest of my siblings but somehow he always seemed like the baby. In my mind's eye he is still 3 years old.
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There were seven of us. Somehow we were grouped into the boys, who were my oldest two brothers; the girls, my sister four years younger and me; the kids, my youngest sister and my youngest brother; and my brother. It was not because we loved him less or anything like that. It was just that he sort of got caught in a place where there was no one to match with him. My brother loved to play cars and trucks. He would spend hours in the sand box under the tree making roads and driving his little cars and trucks to all the imaginary places that only he knew. He was more than happy to have company but he never really played with us. He played beside us. At our grandmother's house he would take the garden hoe and drag it along her driveway to create the most marvelous road systems. Keep in mind that the driveway was half a block long then turned a corner and was another half block long. Until someone drove over his roads or it rained he could play to his heart's content. When my brother was playing whatever he wanted to play that day he was completely oblivious to everything around him. I often said that he seemed to have a cloud around his head. He just did not realize that there was anything but the moment and what he was doing in that moment. My brother loved our dogs and they loved him. They allowed him liberties that they would not have taken from any other human being. He could stick his little fingers into any facial orifice on a dog and they would not even flinch. He was not cruel just very young and curious. One of the many Suzies was our dog. My brother snuck up behind her as she was eating. The dog did not expect it and did not know who it was that suddenly jumped her from behind. She turned around and bit him. The bite was severe. My brother's upper lip had a deep wound and the lower lip had a bad but not quite as bad wound. We had a doctor in town and my brother was rushed to the doctor. All the doctor could do was clean the wound a bit. He was older and he said that he could not do what needed to be done for my brother because his hands were not steady enough any more. He recommended a doctor in the next town. My brother required stitches to close the wounds. Usually they do not like to stitch dog bites because for some reason they tend to become infected more easily that way. But my brother's upper lip was bitten almost completely through. The doctor said he would probably need corrective surgery when he got older. I am happy to tell you that he healed so well that there is a small scar that you can see if you look closely but no surgery was necessary. My niece was ill with a terminal kidney disease. She suffered and died when she was 8 years old. Her mother and father suffered right along with her. Her medical bills were outrageous even though my brother had excellent medical insurance through work. There was not enough money so my brother took a second job and as many odd jobs on the side as he could find. My sister - in - law also found work. For a young family with a sick child, another child that also needed attention, and no time to spare for each other it was too much. Their marriage failed. My brother had the court ordered child support automatically withdrawn from his paycheck. He also saw to it that the children had the things they needed. He is a good father. He was thrilled when his little boy started getting a little bigger. He had someone to play cars and trucks with. My nephew was not as interested in them as his father but they had good time together and that is the important thing. When my niece died both parents and of course my nephew were all devastated. We all were. She was a loving and giving child who enriched the lives of all of us. About two years after her death my sister - in - law went to my brother to remind him that child support was still being withheld for his daughter. She had just realized it and told him that she would let the authorities know. She wanted him to be ready in case there were any papers that would need to be signed. My brother told her not to say anything. The money was directly taken from his pay before he even saw it. He would not miss what he did not see. He told her to put it in a fund for my nephew for when he was older. After 25 years my brother met another lovely woman. He took that long to get over my sister - in - law. These two women could not be more different. But they are both wonderful and both have been good for him. And my baby brother is a grandfather. His granddaughter is the apple of his eye and he adores her. She adores him back. She just graduated from high school and he is so proud.
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We are not opening Christmas gifts until New Years and we are gathered as a family. Before Christmas packages arrived for me. The packages looked like flowers. The first one was not flowers, but a box of chocolates. The second one was the above vase and flowers from Dr John. Both the chocolates and the flowers were from John. We had a different Christmas. We didn't open gifts. We are going to wait until New Years Day, when the family will be here. We went to church to a nice service. I have had two other Christmas' that were not traditional. When Dr. john was in the hospital 30 + years ago was the first. He was taken by ambulance to the hospital in Green Bay. John's brother - in - law drove his mother and I down behind the ambulance. We stayed at John's cousin home as that family went to Florida. John had surgery. A friend in Crystal Falls who was caring for my children drove down so that the kids could see their father on Christmas. That is when the snow storm came. Very bad driving. I got a parking ticket how the officer found the mark on my tire I do not know. Then as I was driving back to his cousin's house I got lost because you could not see the signs. There were no gifts to give. John's cousin left cookies. John's mother kept saying Santa Claus flew right over. I can't remember if his mother got a meal. I remember I went to the cafeteria but I didn't find the food tasty. The second different Christmas was when Dr John was in the hospital for the last major illness. That time my children were grown. Peter and Pennie came up and we celebrated at the place I was staying a converted hotel now used for families of those in the hospital. They had Christmas trees in the lounge area. Pat had to come later. We got a meal put together by the grocery store and we used the kitchen. John could not have gifts because he was in the ICU. Pennie and I went to church Christmas Eve at Messiah. The pastor spoke about how Jesus was not at his home also. Celebrating Jesus birthday is important even if is not traditional or on the 25th. It was below zero and the wind chill at - 40 but that did not keep us from church. We bundled up and got in the Montana Van and got through the drifts of snow. The choir along with an orchestra of young students did a Cantata. They did a very good job. After the service the serving group provided fresh cinnamon rolls and sloppy joes along with coffee, juice, and cocoa. Another former pastor had a picture of different trains which he gave to dr. john. Today I face another Raven's Challenge. he words for this week's ten word challenge were: When pigs have wings, Moonlight, Mystery, Tower of Babel, Butterflies, Bread and butter, Beef barley soup, Charley horse, Novelty, Cold shoulder Mini Challenge: Software, Lottery, Newspaper, Mailman, Ringo Starr's drumThirteen year old Mark continued his search for a new home, one he would be welcomed in. He settled into a community called Couldbe. There were life forms he had never seen. He saw a red horse flying, and it must be an important figure, because he saw a sign on a building having a flying red horse. Mark using his mind asked if he could shift into the form of the red horse. The horse responded, "when pigs have wings." Even though he was given a cold shoulder, the possibility of pigs with wings was not a novelty in this place. He took the form of a butterfly, without asking. Flying with the butterflies he flitted around the town, which was occupied with humanoid forms which again without asking he took the form of. There was a building which appeared to be public so he entered it. There was a man eating alone at a table. He was eating beef barley soup, and bread and butter. Mark asked if he could join him telling the waiter he would have water. The man at the table introduced himself as Charley Horse. Mark snickered. Mark repeated, "Charley horse like a leg cramp?" The man was offended, got up and paid for his meal, leaving Mark at the table alone. Mark also left following the man called Charley out. It was now evening. Mark continued his exploration of the town. The moonlight made it easy to see. He discovered a object which was a mystery to him. A large form in the middle of a field. It was a very tall structure which reminded Mark of the Biblical story of the Tower of Babel. Around the structure were pigs and they had wings. Now to find that flying red horse. Mini Challenge; Sandy read the newspaper Bay News while she waited for the mailman. The mailman was really the mail carrier because it was a woman. She hPosted by I have been staying in the last couple of days because of the weather. Cold, not just cold but bitterly cold. I guess that true for everyone in the middle of the country. We are preparing for more snow. O K it is winter. As far as
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Christmas preparations: Done some shopping and some wrapping. I decorated the new mantle. I found the stocking holders but not the stockings. Our stockings were knitted by John's aunt Bessie. She gave them to us the first year of our marriage. After the birth of each child she gave them a stocking. Bessie has past away so the stockings mean a lot, but I am not sure of where we packed them. The three moves mean we still have boxes not found. We stayed with my daughter when we first moved here so they may be at her place and she has not had time to begin decorating. Now I must go get Maggie. Before you read this truly unremarkable story just a few words about how it came into existence. John and I decided it would be fun to write a story together and thus the idea for this story was born. To keep us from killing each other a few rules were devised. 1. Each person would write one line and then the other a line until the end of the story. 2. We would not discuss what we had in mind or where we wanted the story to go. 3. No hitting or screaming. This then is the product of our effort published on both blogs on the same day. Sandy was just becoming comfortable with living with the stupid penguin when she found the two messages from Father Bill on her answering machine. Of all people, Father Bill wanted to know about the penguin. He wanted her to come down to the church hall now even though this was the day of the big casino fund raising effort and the place would be packed. She dressed quickly and grabbed the recently gifted stuffed penguin. Ann Haggerty met her at the door to the hall and asked her if she knew anything about roulette wheels as it seems nobody could get the church's new wheel to work. Sandy looked at Ann with an odd expression on her face. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her penguin rushing toward the wheel. She felt that there was going to be trouble, or maybe help, because that penguin was so unpredictable. Suddenly, the wheel began to turn and it certainly looked like it was working. Applause echoed through the hall, and Ann grabbed a bouquet of yellow roses used too decorate the hall and gave them to Sandy. Sandy, however, was more concerned about where the penguin had disappeared to and what it was up to now. She excused herself, and walked into the sanctuary. Father Bill was not there so she went immediately to his office and waited for him to come back. There was a side door to the office, which opened, causing her to jump back in response. At the same moment she saw through the window her penguin running up and down on the fire escape of the building next door and being watched by abettygram Who's Money Is It? Frank Short a portly man dressed in his Vegas duds of a yellow Hawaiian shirt and shorts sat down at the roulette wheel placing his bet. Although winning was his hope, his mind was else where. The guilt of where he got his money was over riding his concentration on the game, now going over and over in his mind the reasoning he used. He won. He collected his chips and placed more down. The wheel again turned. As long as he was winning it didn't matter, but he continued to scan the room filled with gamblers. It was loud from the noise of the machines and roar of the winners. He was glad it was smoke free, because his lungs were bad. He lost. He picked up his chips and left the table for now, a rule he made to himself. Frank had left Joyce Sarii in the hotel room changing. He had met Joyce on this tour. She laughed at his jokes and he loved her smile. She had become a fine companion. She also was a very lucky lady. He had taken her out for dinner, and as they were returning to their rooms she had placed a dollar in the slot machine and won big. She had cashed out her chips and had left the winnings sitting on the bed. Waiting brought temptation. There it sat lying on that plaid coverlet. I could double or triple that amount by the time she is ready to go, reasoned Frank. "I am going back to the casino. I will be back to pick you up soon." he shouted out to Joyce while he picked up as much of the cash as he could. Frank knew there was no more time and he would have to get back to Joyce's room to replace the money, but before he went back he thought a bouquet of flowers would draw her attention as he replaced the money. At the flower shop in the hotel, he bought a bouquet of pretty yellow flowers. He knocked on the door, and there was no response. He knocked again, and still she didn't come to the door. She had given him her extra key. He used it and entered the room. The winnings that were on the bed were now gone. He looked around the room and there was no Joyce, but her things were still there. The aPosted by Today I face another Raven's Challenge. This Week's Ten Word
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Challenge will be: Horny as a toad, Frankenstein's sister, Greeks bearing gifts, Holiday, Cheese grater, Gridlock, Drip dry, Coffin maker, movie mogul, Turkish coffeeMini Challenge: prenuptial agreement, The purple cow just hated the orange cat, potato chips, sari, Hammer and nailsSearch For A New Home - Ten Word Challenge "I know." replied the Captain to his adopted thirteen year old son Mark. His threats against the ship and possible take over were all possible. Mark had great power, as did all the zonics. The Captain remained still waiting for Mark to get a cooler head. Mark turned his back and shapeshifted into his true form of a blue globe, and vanished into the wall of the ship. "Mark" the captain cried. Mark moved away from the ship but had no direction. He thought about all the trouble he had been causing. Maybe it was best for him to leave, to find a place for himself. It would not be his home planet. Someone from there wanted him dead, leaving him as an infant on uninhabited planet. As he traveled he searched with his mind for some kind of being. He heard what sounded like a melody. Some being was singing. This being was inside a log like structure. There were other similar structures in a circle. He entered the structure and saw a singing bipedal creature using a cheese grater on a small table. He took the form of a chair. She resembled what Mark thought the monster Frankenstein's sister would look like, horny as a toad. She wore a simple plain colored dress. On a near by wood stove was a pot of what smelled like Turkish coffee. Hanging across the room was a cord from which hung candles drip drying. Mark from his advantage point could see out the window and there was forming a large group of beings that resembled the female [or what he assumed was a female] but it looked like a mixed group. They were shoving and pushing one another. "We want the coffin maker. We want the coffin maker." they cried. There was a being coming from the back of the croPosted by My son came up from Madison to put up the mantel that my daughter gave me for Christmas last year. We think we had a part left out and we couldn't find the directions. My daughter first bought what proved to be only a front to the fireplace and not the mantel. She then went out and bought the shelf. That was last year. She stained all the pieces not knowing what was needed. We found also that the shelf was longer than the fireplace. After all she went through I didn't want her to go get another shelf so I said put up that shelf. They went out on the net to see if they could find directions and that is when we found we didn't have the part they asked for. Not to be stopped he found some wood in the garage that looked liked it could be used. The mantel is up. While the mantel was being put up. My grandchildren brought up the tree and decorations. We put up the tree and hung the decorations. The oldest and I went out in the cold and hung some lights on the fence. We had lights that used solar energy. We hung them on the far side of the fence, so we don't know if they can be seen. On Sunday we went to church. After the service in the fellowship hall they had a Silent Auction. I got a fishing trip for the summer for the grandchildren. They had small items that the children could bid on also. They had a good time. Today I face another Raven's Challenge. This Week's Ten Word Challenge will be: think the rain'll hurt the rhubarb?, B Vitamins, credit card, jolly, angels, mouse, three ring circus, haiku, sponge, copperMini Challenge: compulsive, trunk, African violets, curiosity, UFOTen Word Challenge - The AttackThe military aboard the space ship Horizon move to their posts. The hits could be felt. There were failures about the ship of necessary equipment only to go back in to commission with no visible fix. No enemy was seen, no injuries reported. Bodies moved around like they were in a three ring circus. Captain Clark's ship was failing and he couldn't tell why. He wiped his forehead with a near by sponge. He felt a strong pressure in his brain and a thought came forward. Think the rain'll hurt the rhubarb? What? He thought to himself. He should be taking more BVitamins. In front of the counsel he saw a copper angel holding a mouse. The ship took another hit. "Call off the alert" he announced. "I know how to stop this attack." He left the bridge and walked to Mark's quarters. As he moved the ship took some more hits. "open" the door opened and Mark a dark blue globe rested in a nest like container. The printer on the desk was sending out a page with a haiku. The globe then did a slow transformation to a young tall slim Mark that Captain Clark knew as his son. "A jolly good day to you Captain." Mark said. "stop it now
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. "The Captain said in a stern voice." What do you think you will gain by this trickery? "The bombardment stopped." We all left your quarters and no decision was made. "" You thought that this trickery would show you as a responsible person? "The Captain was trying to contain his anger. How could an highly intelligent individual like Mark not understand that this incident might be forcing him into having to have Mark leave the ship. Mark's demeanor changed and the Captain could see that he was understanding the problem. Then there came another change and Mark stood directly in front of his father and in a threatening voicPosted by We went to my son Pat's the day after Thanksgiving. He cooked a turkey that had not been frozen. It was very good. We also had a beef roast. My grandson baked three pies, apple pumpkin and lemon. They were all very good. They have a wii and I went bowling. I didn't play but they also played football. Maggie came with us and was for the most part good. My grandson took out his pet snake and put it on his head. Maggie wanted to get it. We brought a stake and chain to put her outside. One time it was not on right and one of the grandkids went to walk around the house, and she followed. He went in not knowing she was there. She decided to check out the neighborhood. Pennie notice she wasn't on the chain, and called her back. The day was very nice but my son Pat got sick probably nerves and my daughter got the flu. Dr John is still recovering from the long ride. Today I face another Raven's Challenge. This Week's Ten Word Challenge will be: posthumous, flagrant, seven days a week, cheese and crackers, pyramid, civil war, clarinet, microwave, absent without leave, blue jeansMini Challenge: sugar - coated, thermometer, tractor pull, evangelical, masqueradeThe Ten Word ChallengeMark had been envisioning the meeting with Captain Clark since the teams return. It was a flagrant breaking of the rules for him to shapeshift. Not the Spaceship rules and not Earth's rules, but rules made by the Captain, his adoptive father, and him. It was for his protection for people could be cruel to those who were different. There would be a consequence for breaking the rule, and it would not be eating cheese and crackers for seven days a week. His greatest fear was that he would be sent to the Zonics home planet where he had never been, to his people he had never seen. They were not meeting in the office but in the Captains residence. The Captain was dress in blue jeans and a tee shirt with a clarinet painted on it. He so wanted to be absent with out leave. Dr Peterson entered the room. Mark could feel his anger and fear. He had lodged the complaint against Mark. Dr Peterson was holding a object pointed at Mark that looked like a pyramid.. Mark knew that he had contracted with a weapons expert to build a weapon that would be able to kill a Zonic. The weapon was to use some kind of microwave ray. Would his report of the Linx be read posthumously. There was the mystery of the human contact with the Linx still to solve. Was there a civil war? The anger was directed at the Captain. The fear was toward Mark." How could you knowing the suffering our family went though at the hands of the Zonics, harbor one.? I have written so much on the danger of one Zonic in our universe. It will be you who will lead to the destruction of our freedom. Get him off our ship and out of our universe. "Captain Clark responded" Mark is my son and has a place on this ship. How comfortable would you have felt knowing the truPosted by Last week I helped my daughter make learning posters for the Christmas program. She was helping he choir directer who does the Christmas program. The simple way to do the posters is to write on the poster board the song words. Pennie got a Cricut for Christmas and had not been able to use it as much as she would like. She decided that this would be the perfect time to use it. The Cricut cuts out forms out of paper etc. The Cricut was set to cut light material. She did not understand that and had a few failures before the setting was correct for cutting out construction paper letters. The next problem she faced was the size of the letters. We wanted them big enough to be seen by all the students, but the least amount of poster board used. I took the cut letters from the paper and at the beginning because we didn't have the setting correct it was time consuming. We had managed by Saturday night to have two songs on large poster boards. It was 2: 00 AM before we could go to bed. Dr John and I worked also on the train layout and got nine packages out on EBay and sold. Back to the posters. They got used but as they were used the letters would come off. Pennie came home on Sunday and in the afternoon got all the songs on small er poster boards {easier to hold up]. She used the
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simple method of just writing the words on the poster board. She has them all ready for next week. She learned a great deal about the Cricut's use. We got our first significant snow fall today. Today I face another Raven's Challenge. Ten words: pipe organ, ravages of time, lottery tickets, angelic music, five x five, boxes of books, flattery will get you nowhere, yodelling, pig tails, knitting needlesMini challenge: canary yellow, grizzly bear, out of the frying pan into the fire, simpleton, Ministry of Crazy WalksThe Flicks Ten Word Challenge Mark in the form of the giant thin green bipedal humanoid creature, engaged a pair in conversation. Another gift he had was that after listening to a conversation for a little while he knew the language. The pair were heading to the palace. No one prevented him from entering with the pair. There was angelic music being played by a pipe organ. He looked around and he could not see the pipe organ. The room was spacious. It had marble tile with beautiful mosaics on the wall. The room was attractive but showed the ravages of time. The organ stopped, and then he jumped because there came a sound that he had only heard from Carol Burnett on old CDs. There was someone yodelling. Out from a sliding door came a creature like the others but smaller in pigtails. The pair bowed to the smaller creature. Mark followed their lead bowing also. The creature with the pigtails walked past them and the pair followed, and so did Mark. She walked to another sliding door. The door opened to a five x five room with a box of books and another box of what looked to Mark like large human dolls. The pigtailed creature pulled out of the box three dolls. The creature then went to the box of books and sorted through the books finding two and taking them. She then walked passed them and the three followed. Mark was silent as the other two discussed as they followed that the Princess was "Not right" because she was obsessed with the belief that something looking like the dolls did exist. Mark had learned that the creatures were called Linx. Their names were Let and Sut, and the Princess's father wanted the two body guards to stop his daughters belief in what Mark knew to be humans. As they made thPosted by Sandy Shore could not believe how fortune had gone her way. She landed the leading role. She was kissing the leading man Jeff Hurtz. The film was being filmed on Lone Lake. A beautiful secluded lake in the mountains. The shot had to be taken several times, which Sandy was enjoying as she sat in the light blue convertible. Was that thunder she heard. She looked up into sky to see the dark thickening clouds. She thought nasty thoughts toward the heavens. She gave Jeff a questioning look. Would they have to stop the filming? She knew they would because the scene did not call for rain or storm and the lighting would not be right. Sandy's fortune had turned suddenly she thought. Jeff gallantly escorted her out of the convertible.. They ran as the rain drops started to fall toward the main lodge, The filming crew joined them in the scramble for shelter. All were drenched by the time they entered. The noise from the excited voices was deafening. She looked at Jeff and was hoping that her disappointment was not showing. Jeff and Sandy walked toward the back of the room passing around the beautiful but fake wedding cake. In the movie script, they were to be married but never had a honeymoon because some monster from the lake attacks them. They sat at a decorated table. Passing the time they talked about from where they came and general get to know more about you information. An announcement came that there would be no more shooting for the day. The crowd slowly cleared the room. The two continued in conversation. The next day they would be filming again and Sandy was glad for that but she was glad also for the time of not filming. The rain was not unfortunate, but she continued in her good fortune. She had a date. Today I face another Raven's Challenge. This Week's Ten Word Challenge will be: palace, hypocrite, canned air, telephone, biscuit, pinball, acorn, customary, fruit juice, waterfallMini Challenge: buyer's remorse, lava, haphazard, mildew, soup to nutsThe team feeling they were out of danger examined the underground room more carefully only to discover things were not as they appeared. Yes there were computers, a microwave, beds, a telephone, and even a pinball machine. Eric walked over to the computers and picked up the cords they were not plugged in. Mark went over to the phone, and it had a cord not plugged in. Dr Peterson examined the walls and there were no outlets. Dr Peterson opened the small refrigerator. It was stocked with food. There was a glass bottle of fruit juice. Dr Peterson picked the bottle up and shook it. The juice did not move. "It is fake," he said. "Everything is fake." Looking up at the ceiling cameras were located in four locations. Were they real or fake? There was a fake biscuit on the table. It sure looked real
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. Eric was hungry but he guessed he would have to eat the rations he took with him from the space ship. Both he and his father reached for their back pack at the same time. To get to the food rations the canned air had to be removed. Mark did not notice the eating pair as he continued on his search of the room. He did find a real acorn. He picked it up and put it in his pack for storage. Mark noticed that there was a wall switch. He went over and pulled the switch expecting it to be fake also, but was surprised to see the wall open. There was a tall narrow hallway. "People come check this out," he shouted at the other team members. Eric and his father stuffed the food into their mouths and quickly picked up the remaining items putting them into their backpacks. They examined the opening leading into the hallway. The hallway was lit which caused them to be cautious. They did not follow their customary order, but Mark led the way. Mark made the comment that he was the brave one. Then he bettygram Today I face another Raven's Challenge. Next Week's Ten Word Challenge will be: France, cold weather, backhoe, light and shadow, Humane society, ambivalent, "Happy Birthday, Sarah Jane," Martians, Thanksgiving Day Parade, green eyesMini Challenge: she'll be comin 'round the mountain when she comes, pumpkin pie, yellow jacket, short - changed, life after 50Ten Word Challenge: Dr Peterson despite his problems of fear of Zonics, wanted to get another research project in before the cold weather came to the planet Harper. Mark and Eric were back at loading the shuttle, and Dr Peterson was in the lab. With only Eric there Mark felt free to use his ability to move objects with his mind, and the job was going quickly. Over the speaker came a Happy Birthday, Sarah Jane. They looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. "I don't know Sarah Jane, but have a Happy Birthday", said Mark. Happy Birthday, Sarah Jane ", repeated Eric. Wearing spacesuits the team left the shuttle. They roamed about, and saw an object sitting in a field. It was large, and had a large appendage. It appeared to be metal." What is that? "exclaimed Mark. The light and shadow made it look like a monster." It is Martians "said Eric faking his fear, with wide green eyes." It is a backhoe, said Dr Peterson. "A what?" question Mark. "A backhoe. A machine used in construction many years ago," said Dr Peterson. The team approached the machine and examined it. They found the words made in France printed on it. It was rusty and looked to be abandoned for a long time. The team continued to investigate the surrounding area. As they walked they heard a loud snap. Mark immediately used his ability to read minds to search for intelligent thought., other than human. He picked up nothing. He lead the team forward assuming they had nothing to fear. The terrain became more hilly, and more densely forested. He did begin to pick up images of them moving. Something was encircling them. He felt the hunger of those encircling him. The others heard the low growling, then saPosted by I forgot about the Peace Day. The day has almost gone so I am going to say May the Lord give you peace. May it not be peace without war but an inner peace also. Today I face another Raven's Challenge. This Week's Ten Word Challenge will be: squeaky toy, perpendicular, olives, shanty, howling at the moon, soul, bow and arrow, uniform, statistics, praying mantisMini Challenge: glamour, rocking chair, cormorant, objective, symbolismVeronica was glad she had accepted the invitation to the Fall Art Show. She passed up the table of goodies although she could hear their call. She noticed a bowl of salad on which there were black olives arranged in the likeness of a spider. She felt that was an unusual item, but it was close to Halloween. She walked slowly down the aisle examining the art displays, they were not placed in uniform perpendicular lines, but in clusters. She wondered if where they were placed drew people to them. She did not have any statistics but at craft sales the best booth was near the door. A painting caught her eye. What caught her attention was a large full moon. There was a gray wolf howling at the moon. The wolf was silhouetted against the moon with its head raised. At the wolf's left side was a shanty. The shanty's door was ajar and a dark figure held a bow and arrow. In front of the raised foot of the dark figure was a squeaky toy. That was not the only detail that was unusual, but among the tall grass surrounding the shanty and wolf on one blade was a praying mantis. She knew in her soul that if this was a motion picture the noise of the squeaky toy would throw off the aim of the dark figure sending the praying mantis and wolf in different directions, and the wolf would be safe. You could feel the tension looking at the picture
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. Veronica then moved on to the next cluster of art objects, but wondered if that picture would be something she would want in her house. It would be a talking piece. Five word paragraphSandy Shore could not find the glamour that was supposed to be in going to the beach. That penguin with the cinnamon floppy hat sat in the only rocking chair. Sandy's objective now was to get into that rocking chair. She tried bribing with fresh fishPosted by I felt happy today when we finished working on the train layout. On Friday we began with getting the logging car to dump it's logs. We felt good about that. Next we started to move the transformers to the new table and the animated pieces stopped. I felt so bad because until that happened I couldn't wait for daughter to come home to show off. In trying to get things back working we had to cut through the scenery to find the burned out transformers. We did get all but the skating rink working. We got a new transformer but couldn't find the right size end. Today John spliced the old end on the new transformer and we got the lights and music but the skaters still don't move but we have two other skating rinks so we will let the skaters just stand on the rink. Then we ran everything. We had two trains moving and two trolleys and all the animated items working. I felt so bad on Friday that John sent me roses. Beautiful red and yellow roses. I want also to thank Kristin for the pictures I have been getting of Samuel. Today I try another shot at Raven's Challenge. Week's Ten Word Challenge: build - a - bear workshop, man bites dog, opulent, disparaging, lipstick stain, preponderance, smoky quartz, clothes pin, meticulous, falling leaves Outside of the counselors office, alien Mark felt ashamed. He knew how upset Dr Peterson was, why did he have to make it worse with the cutting of the paper into a necklace. He shifted into human form, and was walking down the hallway when Eric approached him. Eric is Dr Peterson's son and a fellow assistant to his father. "How did the exploration go?" asked Eric "Not very well. Your father had a panic attack and we cut the research project short." Mark restrained himself from making any disparaging words about Dr Peterson. "let's go to your room and I will fill you in on the details." Eric's room was not opulent. It was fill with items that were called collections. Meticulous care was given to the items. There was a bear made at the build a bear workshop on earth centuries ago and handed down to Eric. It did show a lipstick stain from some grateful relative. The bear was sitting on shelving and next to it was a small bear of smoky quartz. There were hanging on a string and held by a clothes pin colored leaves. They were arranged to look like falling leaves. In Marks eyes the preponderance of items of Earth, showed a longing of the Petersons to go to their home planet. Mark was filled with envy. He had never seen his own home planet. The only information he had was from the Petersons and they were filled with hate having anything to do with the Zonics. Mark picked up the bear turning his back to Eric, and then he quickly turned around. "Put the bear back" demanded Eric. "Why, are you afraid I will do this." The bear exploded into many pieces. Eric leaped at Mark to get what was left of the torn bear. This was a man bites dog event. Eric could have been in the same shape as the bear and just as quickly. Eric knew this because he had accidentally walked in on Mark as a blue glowing globe, when they werePosted by Today I try my first shot at Raven's Challenge. Ten Word Challenge will be: blinking, cellulite, crescent, ship - shape, homonym, suffering, packer, wind chime, scissors, necklaceMini Challenge: static, floppy hat, penguin, cinnamon, alphabeticalHere is my story for the ten word challenge. Mark, the assistant, watched the blinking lights move about in the tall grass, as he and his professor explored this area of the planet. Next to him, Dr Peterson also watched the movement of the lights. His breathing became labored. Mark knew that Dr Peterson, a research biologist, was having a panic attack. His fear came from his capture and imprisonment sixteen years ago by Zonics. Dr. Peterson and crew were human and stood no chance against the Zonics. The Zonics were Chrystal like balls, who could destroy their enemies with a number of abilities. The lights were not Zonics. Mark was not sure what they were, but they looked like giant fireflies. The Zonics also glowed but it was a continues light. That fact Dr. Peterson must have forgotten. Not wanting Dr Peterson to continue suffering, Mark suggested that they return to the space ship, and abandon the project on this planet. Wanting to leave the area as they had found it, Mark worked at making everything fit back in their shuttle leaving the area ship - shape. He was an excellent packer. Their spacesuits were cumbersome but essential for Dr. Peterson, not
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for Mark who was not human. This fact was not know by Dr. Peterson, and Mark had been his assistant for the last year. Mark was a Zonic and one of their abilities was shape - shifting. Back on the ship, Dr Peterson contacted the ships counselor Sandy Fitz. An attractive young officer, the doctor imagined she had little cellulite on her. The office had a wind chime made of crescent shapes from scrap metal. The shapes were familiar, but he couldn't think of where he had seen them before. They looked like the crescent moon but there were patterns in each one. The counselor gave Dr Peterson an exercise using homonyms, hoping to relieve hbettygram Today is Fun Monday and the idea is to start with a red nine and then doodle. This is my doodle. Doodle AnalysesDone in center of page self centered. eyes alluring, That would be nice. Faces by adolescent girls seeking to produce an idealised self portrait. I am close to seventy maybe a second childhood I am seeking. right to left logicComic faces usually drawn by men indicating a desire to be center of attention, There it is again I want to be the center of attention. But i am not a man. 1. He's sitting in front of the TV; what is on the screen? House or Monk2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? None3. What's one food he doesn't like? Tomatoes4. You go out to the bar. What does he order? Diet Pepsie or coke5. Where did he go to high school? Ishpeming6. What size shoe does he wear? 10 1\ 27. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? Dragons and trains8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? Ham and jam9. What would this person eat every day if he could? Steak10. What is his favorite cereal? Rice Krispies11. What would he never wear? (anything stylish...) 12. What is his favorite sports team? Packers13. Who will he vote for? No idea yet. 14. Who is his best friend? God and me15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? fuss16. How many states has he lived in? three17. What is his heritage? English and Finish18. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake? Chocolate19. Did he play sports in high school? No20. What could he spend hours doing? Running trains and blogging There is a animal hospital and a groomer with it about three blocks from our house. Maggie needs her nails cut badly, and my daughter and I are afraid to do it. My daughter used Petko last time. I kept saying why don't we go to the place close to us. My daughter called and had to leave a message. No call back. So I thought Maggie and I would walk down to the hospital and make an appointment in person. As we approached the hospital shots rang out. Maggie stopped dead, and then made a movement to head back home at top speed. I looked up and to the right across the road. There were two or maybe three men with guns pointed toward us, but up in the air. In front of them a flock of geese flew upward with loud honking and a flutter of wings. It was a heart stopping moment. I then dragged Maggie back and towards the hospital. She was happy at the arrival at the hospital for she could see and hear and smell other dogs. We entered the building and there were two women at the desk. I asked if I could make an appointment to have Maggie groomed and they said that the grooming lady was not in but she had her phone with her. They gave me her number. I went back home and there were no more shots at that time. I called the number and got a answering machine. I left a message. Still no call back. I guess they do not want our business. Not only do we have gunshots to wake us in the morning but a rooster. In the weekly paper front page ran an article about a man from Neenah complaining about the neighbors rooster waking him up. He was the only neighbor complaining. The rooster owner has a permit and they checked the noise and it was not too loud. Just a reminder this is the city. I have not heard the rooster and I would not be bothered by that noise, I lived in the country and I am use to that sound. Neenah is trying to raise money to restore the city clock so it will again chime. Crystal Falls has a bell that would sound on the on the hour and half hour at the County Court House. I liked the bell because if I awoke at night I could tell the time by listening to the number of times it rang. There are people who do not like the bell ringing. I wonder if Neenah will get complaints when the bell is fixed. As I was going out the door to pick up Maggie for her morning walk at 7: ooAM, I heard what sounded like gunshots and the dog next door was barking and barking. I noticed the time because I watch crime shows on TV and the thought
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that came into my mind was that someone was shooting someone in the house next door and I was ready for the questioning. I looked around the house next door as I was walking over to my daughters. Every thing seemed normal. The shots came again. My daughter had left for work and I picked up Maggie and our walk began. We have to pass between my house and the neighbors to get to the walk behind the house that I take Maggie on. I tried looking in the windows, but I couldn't see anything. We walk around the soccer field the shots continued. I thought maybe what I was hearing was fireworks but that would seem unlikely because we were not near The Fourth. Then I thought maybe it was some mad person who was going into all the homes and shooting. Why hadn't anyone called the police? Of course I hadn't. Would I find dr. john shot when I got back, {you know he wasn't shot because he blogged.] A flock of geese flew over. Could the farmers be shooting to keep the birds from landing in their fields? No police came. That evening I told my daughter. She said that happened every Saturday and it upset her because she would like to be able to sleep in and Maggie was also upset. This was not on Saturday, but the middle of the week, but I hadn't heard the shots before. Pennie thinks the man across from us, who has a business is shooting in the back of the building. There is a field back there. We have no idea whats going on. Over the weekend I attended a retreat at St Marks hosted by St Marks. My daughter was asked to use Margaret, her puppet. She agreed and she became part of the planning group. The retreat planning had begun almost a year ago, but my daughter joined only in the last part of the planning. The long planning paid off, for it was a very nice retreat on prayer. Pennie would open with Margaret, giving a over view of what was to come with humor. There were a number of projects in which you could choose whether to participate or not. A prayer journal was made, prayer quilts were tied, cards were sent to those ill, having a loss or in the service. The synod had supplied some ideas such as mandalas (not sure of spelling but they were patterned pictures which could be colored) and prayer thoughts on equality for men and women. The last was a box with sticks standing with blue ribbons and then there were sticks with pink ribbons hidden in a box of sand. You were to find the sticks with the pink ribbons and place them along side of the sticks with blue ribbons praying for equal rights. The retreat began with the traditional Lords Prayer and ended with singing the Lords Prayer. The retreat also closed with communion. The Holy Spirit changed the program a bit. St Marks has stained glass windows which tell the gospel story and the planners were going to go from window to window telling the story. This was planned in the summer. When the ladies came into the sanctuary to see the windows you could not see them because it was dark. So the lights were turned on and the ladies went outside and walked around the church. We had three meals on Saturday prepared by some men in the congregation. They were excellent. I was very glad I attended the retreat. Pictures on the retreat are found at St Marks web page and you can get there from Dr John's I wrote about how the small cages at the zoo I visited upset me. My daughter found a computer game Zoo Tycoon and then Zoo Tycoon 2. I have been building my own zoo. I failed badly the first time. Then I built a fine zoo but my animals multiplied too fast. I then found they could be released into the wild or adopted by another zoo. That helped but I have lost some animals from old age. I have lazy workers who like to sit on the guests benches. My daughter said pay them more, but I have not found out how to do that. This game gives you information on many animals and would be good for young children if they took the time to study each animal they placed in the zoo. There are different forms to play. I am playing a game where I have all the money I want but another game gives a certain amount to work with. I am having fun. Dr john and I went to see his lung doc today. His lung x - ray showed his lung looked better, but his breathing has deteriorated. Note to birds: Maggie moves at the speed of lightening. The birds in flocks sit upon the fence, taunting Maggie the dog. She runs at them they fly away circling just above her reach. That is the way the summer has gone, even flying just above her as we walk in the morning. On Monday evening we gave Maggie a bath holding her with the gentle leader. After the bath, My daughter walked her to my house and put her in the crate to dry. She put the gentle leader on a chair on the porch. On Tuesday morning I looked for the gentle leader over at my daughters. I couldn't find it so I walked with
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Maggie back over to my house through the back yard. As we were about to enter the door Maggie turned and jumped and landed next to the fence. It looked like she found something on the other side as she was squatting down. I went to see. She had a bird in her mouth. I said leave it. She put it down and I took hold of her collar and tried to get her away from the bird. She made the movement toward the door but jumped back to grab the bird and away she ran. The next hour I tried to get the bird away from her. I gave her all the commands she knows, sit, stay, give etc. She did none of them she had her prey and she was not going to give it up besides she had me chasing her, a game she loves. I found the leash were my daughter had put it to dry and I took that with me with beef jerky trying to get Maggie to give up the bird. She finally tired and took the beef jerky for the bird. Maggie prey now is two mice and two birds. The rabbit still out smarts her.
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Overtime wore on late that day, and by the time Douno left the office, it was past nine at night. An accident had happened along the route home, closing off an entire lane and bringing traffic to a standstill. Douno did not get to his apartment until past ten. The asphalt in the parking lot still carried a damp smell from the heat wave during the day. Exhausted, Douno climbed the stairs with a drooping head, and when he opened the door to his apartment, the first thing he saw was a familiar pair of shoes. Dirty white runners ― Kitagawa was here. "I'm home," Douno called as he entered the kitchen. Mariko was there preparing Douno's portion of dinner. He peered into the living room beyond to see Kitagawa asleep, lying on his back on the sofa. Curled up like a cat on his chest was Honoka. "Honoka was practically jumping up and down when Mr. Kitagawa came over. She wouldn't leave him for a moment. At around nine, I think, he tried to go home, but Honoka had a crying fit, and he's been keeping her company since. I guess they must have tired themselves out. They're both fast asleep." It was now about two months since Kitagawa first came to Douno's house for dinner. After his first visit, Kitagawa began to come over at least once or twice a week to eat dinner. At first, Kitagawa would telephone Douno, and would wait at the bottom floor of Douno's apartment until Douno arrived home, at which point they would go up to his apartment together. Eventually, Kitagawa appeared to grow more comfortable with Douno's family, for he began to come over for dinner even when Douno was not home. It started first when Kitagawa had stopped by on his way home from work with sweets for Honoka, saying he had gotten them as a gift. Since it was conveniently dinner hour, Mariko had invited him over. "My husband's not home yet, but would you like to stay for dinner with us anyway?" she had offered. Kitagawa did not decline. By the time Douno got home, Kitagawa had already eaten and left. Douno was surprised to hear the story from Mariko. He could not believe that Kitagawa had visited and stayed for dinner without him present. Douno took that as a sign that Kitagawa was beginning to feel at ease at his house, and it filled him with happiness. After that, Kitagawa began to bring over all sorts of things, claiming they were from his workplace. According to him, when they worked with non - commercial clients who had custom home projects, they often visited the construction site and brought fruits, snacks, and juice for the workers. Kitagawa would bring what was left. "Mr. Kitagawa brought watermelon today," Mariko informed him. "We had some already, and it was very sweet and delicious." She lowered her voice a level as she sat across from Douno. "Mr. Kitagawa is such an enigma. He was a little scary at first, but once you get to know him, he's not like that all. Today, he even offered to wash the dishes because he said I'm always the one cooking for everyone." "He takes playing with Honoka so seriously. I feel like he's more of Honoka's boyfriend than your friend. Is it rude to think of a grown man like that?" "You should have seen him earlier," Mariko continued. "It was so funny. Honoka was proposing to Mr. Kitagawa. She said 'Will you marry me?' and everything. You know how kids just say those things. Mr. Kitagawa should have just brushed it off, but he was actually giving her serious answers. 'But we're thirty - one years apart' he'd say, or 'You'll feel different about me once you're older'. I thought I would split my sides laughing. I could barely hold it in." Douno laughed, too, as the image rose in his mind. It was past ten - thirty when he finished eating. Douno gathered Honoka in his arms and lifted her off of Kitagawa's chest. The movement woke Kitagawa up. He looked at Douno with sleepy eyes. "I want to take the car today," Kitagawa said, which was unusual for him. They normally walked, but Douno was grateful for the man's request to take the car. He was a little tired from working overtime today. Kitagawa yawned incessantly in the passenger seat. He wearily rubbed his eyes over and over. Douno asked him what time he usually slept, and to no surprise, the man answered that he slept at nine. "We're already on a tight budget, so I think a second child would be hard to have," Douno sighed. "Mm - hmm," Kitagawa murmured before closing his eyes. "Let me know when you feel like having another one." "But it might, right? It said so in a book I read yesterday. This kid died and was born again to the same couple. That's can't be all a lie, is it? Why would you say it's impossible?" Kitagawa
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's face was serious. "Your house has this warm feeling. I like how it smells inside, too. But every day when the time comes, I have to go home. Your house is somewhere I'm allowed to go over to play, but not stay at forever, right?" "What can I do to make my love disappear?" he asked quietly. "I'm starting to get tired of it. I'm sick of thinking about you all day. Should I go somewhere far away where I can't see your face? But I know where your house is, so I'll probably end up coming back whenever I want to see you. Oh, I know, I just have to get thrown in jail again. In there, I'd ―" "I never mattered much in the first place. It doesn't matter if I live or die. You're the only one who tries to attach some weird meaning to me. That's why I can't help thinking about you, too." The man passed through the gates without turning around. Douno felt crushed as he climbed back into the car. "I'll die so I can be reincarnated into your family." Douno's heart trembled with grief at the way Kitagawa thought. Kitagawa was far from insignificant and hopeless. His existence had meaning in itself. Why else would I involve myself this much in your life? It was because Kitagawa had his own charms, and for no other reason than that. Someone ― won't someone please love this man? Douno wished in earnest. Won't someone love him so much and bind him from head to toe in love and responsibility, so much that he would never be able to mention his own death again? In the end of August, Mariko quit her part - time job. It was a sudden decision, and when Douno asked why in case anything had happened, Mariko only stared at her feet and said she didn't get along with the people at work. She said nothing more, and since she appeared reluctant to talk about it, Douno let the topic drop without pursuing it further. "What did Mr. Taguchi want?" Douno asked. "I don't know," Mariko said angrily. It was rare for her to get so emotional. "She hasn't been well this past year. I think she's entering menopause. She's always in a bad mood, and she takes it out on him. He's been talking to me about it before, but I can't believe he's still calling me to complain even after I've quit. It's not even my problem." "But ―" Mariko still looked furious. "I hate his wife. She used to be a model, and she likes to show off about it. She's tall and pretty, but she talks down to everyone." "You know," Mariko lowered her eyes. "When I met you, I remember thinking what a gentle person you were. I knew for sure I'd be happy with you." "Are you happy?" Douno asked. Mariko nodded deeply and put her arms around him. Douno began to feel aroused for the first time in a while. His fingertips had just begun to gather heat when the phone rang again. "I think it's for me," she said. She answered not from the main phone, but the cordless handset in the kitchen. She said two or three words into the phone before she pressed a hand against the mouthpiece and turned to Douno. Douno was a little disappointed at being interrupted in the moment. He felt like having a beer for a change, and opened the fridge. He was sitting and watching the news, sipping his beer, when Mariko returned to the living room twenty minutes later. She sat down beside Douno. "Let me have some of that," she said, and took a swallow of his opened beer, and sighed. She had quit her job due to social problems in the workplace, yet here was her former boss continuing to come to her for advice. Douno felt like she deserved at least a day off to have dinner with her friend, chat, and enjoy some freedom. The morning went by as usual, but things changed quickly in the afternoon when a part - time worker fell ill suddenly. She had been fine in the morning, so her sickness was likely due to the lunch she had brought. She was suffering from severe and persistent diarrhoea and vomiting, and was too weak to walk. Tatsuta took her to a hospital nearby, then sent her straight home. Upon Tatsuta's return, they split the bills and began sorting through them together, but even when five o 'clock rolled around, they were not even through two - thirds of the work. Douno could not bring himself to go home early and thrust the rest of the work upon Tatsuta. He agonized about what to do. He felt guilty about calling his wife and telling her that he wasn't able to come home after all. She was probably eagerly looking forward to going out to eat with her friend. He knew Mariko would understand and call off her plans if he explained his situation. She was
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not a child, after all. Yet ― Time ticked away as precisely as ever no matter how many times Douno looked at the clock. Amidst his distracted mind and the resulting frequent interruptions to his work, Douno's ears caught the sound of rain. Great. Now it was raining, to top things off. It did not get worse than this. Rain... rain.... Suddenly he remembered. If the man was off work.... Once Douno got the idea of asking him, there was no second - guessing. With a word of apology to Tatsuta, he excused himself and went out into the hallway with his cell phone in hand, and made a hasty call to the man who lived in the single detached house on the outskirts of the residential neighbourhood. "Oh... well, that's totally fine. That saves me a lot of work." Kitagawa grinned proudly when Douno thanked him. Douno had called his house in the evening. He had figured Kitagawa would be off early from work because of the rain, and he was right. The man had been home. "Yeah. I wanted her to have a night out with a friend for a change. I'm sure she gets tired from looking after Honoka and me every day." "Yeah!" Honoka nodded deeply once. While Douno ate, Honoka set Kitagawa to work at his best skill: drawing. Noticing the sudden silence, Douno peeked into the living room to see Honoka fallen fast asleep in Kitagawa's arms. He looked at the clock. It was almost eleven. Mariko was not home yet. Perhaps she was getting carried away in nostalgic conversations with her high school friend. "Yeah," Douno agreed vaguely. "Oh, you must be sleepy, too. I'm sorry for keeping you so late. I'll take you home." "I'm sure she'll be fine alone because she's sleeping, but I'll take her in case. We'll take the car tonight. It's raining, anyway, and you won't get wet this way." Douno felt flustered. He had not expected to be asked for a token of gratitude for a four - hour babysitting session. He had simply seen it as Kitagawa coming over for dinner and staying longer than usual. We invited you over for dinner so many times until now. With some effort, Douno restrained himself from sounding like he was the one doing Kitagawa a favour. Douno had been the one to call Kitagawa out suddenly, and it was true that the man had been a great help. But it seemed much too cold and impersonal to give him cash. "Y - Yeah, but ―" he managed to stammer despite his stubbornly leaden tongue. "Honoka is only four. She's just a little child. She says she wants to marry you, but she's just gotten into a habit of saying that. It's not something to take seriously ―" "I looooove you!" Honoka clung to Kitagawa's neck. The man's eyes crinkled in a smile. "When you turn sixteen and you still like me the same, I'll take you as my wife," he murmured to the child with genuine sincerity, then looked at Douno. "I'm not saying I want her now. I'm talking about when she turns sixteen. She won't be a child anymore when she's sixteen." "Why are you so against it? You don't wanna give your daughter away to an older ex - convict?" His voice rang out over Douno's bowed head. It did not matter if the man was an ex - convict, or someone far apart in age. If Honoka said she really loved him, Douno knew he would have no choice but to acknowledge him. But he had trouble coming to terms with the fact that "him" was Kitagawa. Was the man saying this because he really loved Honoka, or did he want her because she was Douno's daughter? Douno could not help but feel Kitagawa was taking his daughter as a replacement for him. He felt himself shudder. "What're you so mad about? You started this in the first place. You told me to love someone and start a family. I think this kid is cute. So if I'm gonna start a family, I'll start it with Honoka." "Noooo, I wan 'Kei to hold me!" Honoka whined, resisting her father's embrace. She thrashed and flailed, and when Douno unwittingly let go, she went dashing back to Kitagawa. She clung to him desperately. Kitagawa bent his knees so he was level with Honoka, and gently stroked her straight hair. "If you wanna be my bride, grow up soon," he told her. "But don't become pretty. It'll be a pain in the neck if other guys started coming up to you." They heard a clatter at the door. "I'm home," called a voice brightly. Mariko came into the kitchen. "I'm sorry, honey," she apologized. "My friend and I got carried away with our conversation. Mr. Kitagawa, you too. I'm sorry making you babysit
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on such short notice today. "" Doesn't matter, "Kitagawa answered in his usual brusque manner." I bought some cake on the way home. Why don't we all sit down and have some? "" Kitagawa's going home now, "Douno answered before Kitagawa could." Really? "Mariko said, tilting her head and looking disappointed. Kitagawa gave Honoka a playful rub on the head before heading to the doorway. Douno watched as the man put his shoes on. Since did not mean to take him home, he purposely did not put on his own shoes. Kitagawa cocked his head slightly, but said nothing. He exited the apartment by himself. When Douno returned to the living room, Mariko was talking on the phone with someone. She hung up immediately when she noticed Douno come in. Mariko glanced out the window." It's raining pretty hard out there. I hope Mr. Kitagawa doesn't get soaked on his way home. "Douno approached the window. She was right ― it was pouring outside, as if to wash something away. He spotted a black umbrella slowly walking down the pathway in front of the apartment. It stopped, then appeared to look up. Douno could not see the face very well, but he felt like it was Kitagawa. He quickly yanked the curtain shut. Honoka was so preoccupied with the cake that Mariko had bought that she did not throw a tantrum when Kitagawa had to go home. Douno sank into his thoughts as he watched his daughter devour the cake with cream all over her mouth. One thing was for certain: Kitagawa's asking for his four - year - old's hand in marriage was not normal." Do you not like the cake much? "Mariko asked him, looking concerned that his portion was untouched." That's not it, "Douno replied, then stood up." I'm not in the mood for sweet stuff right now. I'll have it tomorrow. "As Douno moved behind his wife, whose head was down. He spotted a red mark on her neck. He tilted his head curiously, wondering if he had kissed that spot when they had sex two days ago. When he touched the reddened spot, Mariko's spine tensed." You shouldn't scratch it, "Douno whispered into her ear, then embraced Mariko from behind. She smelled newly - washed, fresh and clean like soap. Douno did not recognize this perfume. Douno reflected on what he did that rainy day and admitted he had acted immaturely. Kitagawa had not suggested taking her against her will, and he had said he would prioritize Honoka's feelings. Even if Kitagawa was serious, this promise would be null if Honoka had no interest in him. In retrospect, Douno felt like he could have said yes ― it was only an informal promise, after all. Lately, Kitagawa had begun to visit Douno's house on Sunday afternoons. He came not to eat, but to play with Honoka. Honoka knew Kitagawa came over on Sundays, so she was often restless since morning. When Kitagawa arrived, she was beside herself with joy and would cling to Kitagawa like a suckerfish, saying," Let's play outside "or" Draw me something. "Then came October, and its first Sunday. Douno left the house for work in the afternoon, then came back past five to find a rare sight ― flowers in the vase in the living room. They were small purple flowers, the kind he would probably have seen in the back mountains in his childhood. The flowers made him feel strongly nostalgic." Of course not, Mr. Kitagawa was with her, "Mariko said with a laugh. As Douno touched the purple petals, he heard the pattering footsteps of Honoka running up to him. She pulled at Douno's pant leg with her tiny fingers. She cupped her mouth as if about to tell a secret, and when Douno crouched down, Honoka put her cupped hands to his ear and spoke in a low voice. Douno looked at her and saw sitting atop her head a small crown of flowers about ten centimetres wide, made with the same purple flowers. He picked it up to take a closer look, and saw that several threads connected the small flower stems together to make a ring. It was quite a piece of handiwork." Daddy, it's mine. "His daughter stretched her hands out and stood on her tip - toes. When Douno set the crown on her head, Honoka giggled with glee." I'm Kei's fee - an - say, "Honoka pouted, having apparently picked up the mature word from somewhere." Next, he's gonna make me a crown with yellow flowers. He promised. "On the next Sunday, in the afternoon, Douno went to work on his day off. A female part - timer had quit suddenly, and they were having trouble finding a replacement. A week's worth of menial tasks had piled up over that time, and Douno was heading in to get those done. At past five thirty, Douno began to clean up his desk with a mind to get home soon. Just then, his cell phone rang in his bag. It was from Mariko." Honoka's missing,
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"she said, her voice trembling a little." After we ate lunch, I nodded off for a bit on the couch. I woke up past two, and Honoka was gone. She was watching a video right beside me. The front door was open, and... I thought at first Mr. Kitagawa had come by and taken Honoka out, but it's past five and I haven't heard anything from him. He usually brings her home around this time. "" I have, but no one's picking up. I don't think anyone's home. Besides, Mr. Kitagawa always says something to me before taking Honoka out. Sure, he might have come while I was sleeping, and Honoka might have unlocked the door, realizing it was him, and they might've gone out to play together. But isn't it a bit careless to leave the door unlocked? I think there's something wrong. "" I'll head back right away, "Douno told her, and hung up his cell. He did not take Honoka's disappearance very seriously at the time. It was only five - thirty, and he figured she was likely over at Kitagawa's house. Douno stopped by Kitagawa's house on his way home. He phoned the man once, but no one picked up. He parked his car in an abandoned lot close to Kitagawa's house, and pushed the limp ornamental gates open to enter the property. There was a concrete path about five metres long from the gates to the door. The sun had begun to set, and it was growing dark. The garden was dense with tall, overgrown plants. Douno felt like he could easily overlook a small child hidden curled up in the shadows at his feet. Douno knocked the sliding door a few times. There was no response. On a whim, he pulled the door sideways, and it slid open easily without a sound. It was not locked. Kitagawa was astonishingly careless." Kitagawa, are you home? "he called loudly. He heard the floorboards creaking further down the hallway. The light in the entrance turned on with a click." It's you. "Kitagawa was naked from the waist up, with pyjama bottoms. He narrowed his eyes in a disgruntled manner." What do you want? "" I was drinking 'til morning with the guys from the construction site. I came home and was sleeping' til now. I haven't gone to your house. "Kitagawa walked around the dense and jungle - like garden while calling Honoka's name. Douno joined him. They even checked under the elevated porch, but Douno's little daughter was nowhere to be found. Douno panicked. He had supposed all long that he would find Honoka at Kitagawa's house. If she had gone out alone and gotten lost, there was still hope. But if she had, by chance, been kidnapped ― Douno was unable to keep still at the thought." Kitagawa's out there searching for her, too. I'm thinking of going to the park and the main road again. I want you to stay home and keep watch. "The clock struck nine as Douno frantically searched the vicinity of his house. He called Mariko to let her know he was coming home before heading back to the apartment. Mariko was sitting on the floor in the doorway clutching her cell phone. When Douno entered the apartment, she looked up at him, close to tears. The police ― Douno recalled his bitter past with the police when he was framed as a train groper. He was still overcome with anger as he remembered the interrogation. It had been as if they were trying to make him out as the perpetrator. He had a lingering aversion to the police, but now was not the time to be trapped by his past; there was a chance he would end up regretting putting his ego first. Douno followed his wife's advice and called the police. When he told them that his daughter had been missing since this afternoon, they told him that they would send an officer his way in order to get the details. It was a much better response than he had expected. By that time, the news of Honoka gone missing had reached the entire neighbourhood. Other residents of the apartment, along with the landlord, came out to help. They searched for Honoka all night, but she was not found." Sir, why don't you go home once and take a rest? I'm sure you're worried, but get some sleep, even for one hour. If you don't rest up, you won't last for the days ahead. "Feeling pressured, Douno rushed home. This time, Mariko ran up to him, asking him if Honoka had been found." The police told me to take a rest, "he told her." I'm going to take a short break. After I call work to take the day off, I'll go out to look again. "" You're really angry at me. You're angry because I fell asleep, because I wasn't watching Honoka. You probably think none of this would have happened if I did my part properly ― "His wife's lips were pressed
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firmly together in a line, and she was trembling. She looked like she would burst from the tension that seized her whole body. Douno had been so intent on searching for Honoka that he had neglected to think about how his wife would feel being left alone at home. "I don't think it's your fault that Honoka went missing. I would probably have fallen asleep in your situation, too. Don't beat yourself up." He gently embraced his wife's tense body. Mariko clung to Douno and wept aloud. Douno comforted her like he would a child and laid her on the sofa. Mariko's crying seemed to have released her built - up tension, for she fell asleep some moments later. Douno called his work and explained to Tatsuta that his daughter had gone missing. If Honoka was not found, he would have to get several days off in a row. Tatsuta appeared shocked at the news, and was speechless at first. Douno changed out of yesterday's clothes and left the house with his wallet in hand. He bought sandwiches, rice balls, and tea at the neighbourhood convenience store and came back home. He left the food on the dining room table with a memo that read, "Make sure you eat something when you wake up." As for himself, he only drank a can of coffee. When Douno returned home, he was met with the officer who questioned him the previous day, along with a detective in his fifties. The man's hair was thinning at the top. He was about as tall as Douno, but his beefy stature made him look stout. His eyebrows and eyes drooped slightly, and his gentle face resembled the god, Ebisu. Kashiwai jumped right into his explanation. Throughout yesterday and this morning, they had searched almost every possible place within half a day's walking distance for a four - year - old child. Since she had still not turned up after this much searching, they had concluded that it was unlikely she had wandered away. As there had also been no request for a ransom, it was more likely that this was an accident or a kidnapping for unsavoury purposes. "I was accused of groping and I got a guilty verdict. But I'll keep insisting on my innocence until the day I die. The first thing I thought of when you mentioned 'grudge' was the so - called victim at the time, the woman. But I don't think she has anything to do with this case." "Those were horrible memories for me. I had no freedom for close to two years while I was in the detention centre and in prison. It was... incredibly hard to go through, and I wanted so badly to forget... that I actually forgot." "Well, nothing we can't look up," Kashiwai muttered. "Well then, seeing as how a grudge is also an unlikely motive, would I be able to hear from both of you what you were doing at the time of Honoka's disappearance? Starting with you, ma 'am." Kashiwai narrowed his eyes even more. "Well, you see, this is our job. I hope you'll bear with me," he said briskly, bowing his head. "Honey," she called from the doorway. "It's Mr. Kitagawa. What should I do? He's been helping to look for Honoka since yesterday, hasn't he? We can't force him to keep helping us like this. Should I just tell him that we've decided to leave it to the police?" "Oh, I'll talk to Kitagawa myself." Douno excused himself with a short apology to Kashiwai, and stood from his seat. At the door, he explained to Kitagawa that it did not seem to be a case of Honoka wandering off, and that they were going to leave the search to the police. Kitagawa exhaled shortly, his brow still furrowed in a difficult expression. His eyes were bloodshot from walking around with Douno all night. "He's my friend. He lives nearby, and he's very close to Honoka. He's been helping us look for her ever since we found out she was missing." Changed slightly. In the original Japanese, Douno asks, "Who dies?" and Kitagawa answers, "Me", which would make no sense in English. (back)
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Hey there! Thanks for dropping by Just Call us "The Hecks"! Take a look around and grab the RSS feed to stay updated. See you around! We have some "interesting" neighbors that have moved in that have made us more vigilant when it comes to making sure things are locked up when we leave, etc. I hate feeling like this in my own home. It didn't used to be like this. Well we are very active in our church and attend meetings every Sunday. When you live in the type of neighborhood I live in, most people know when you are gone on Sundays and at what times and for how long. This is information that you really don't want people knowing if they want to break into your house. Two weeks ago, we came home from church and I had just come out of the bathroom. I was singing The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, or at least trying to because I couldn't past "Chippewa on down" because I couldn't remember the words. So I was in my own little world trying to figure out what the next words were. I came around the end of my bed and turned to go out the door when something grabbed my ankle from underneath the bed. I really shouldn't have to explain my reaction. It was like having a near death experience. I screamed for at least 2 minutes before I heard my daughter laughing. She is lucky she started laughing or the adrenaline might have jumped and I might have started kicking her in the face. I seriously had to sit down after this. Have you ever been scared so bad that your heart hurt? My heart was pounding so hard it hurt. I sat there breathing hard and holding my breath. Like Fred Sanford does when the "Big One" is coming: So my first two children were girls. Girls were so much fun. I could dress them up and they got along most of the time. Rarely did I have a smack down between the two of them. My next two children were boys. Boys are an entirely different species all together. When my boys were younger, they got along great together. Better than the girls. As they grew into teens, I started noticing BIG differences in their behavior. I am not sure where in the genetic code of humans that the burping and farting in public gene mutated in males. This is hard to understand as a female and one that I will never understand. For some reason the teenage … and I might add, older aged male, seem to think this is the best way for impressing the babes. Let me put that myth to rest right now. That would be no. When my youngest son turned 13 something changed. Not only did he change, but he passed whatever he had on to my son that was 15. My polite 15 - year - old son suddenly started farting wars with the 13 - year - old. Two years later despite my constant nagging things have not changed. This is not the only problem with teenage boys. The burping and farting they are constantly doing seems to drown out common sense or deadened it. I am still not sure which. I truly believe they will do anything to embarrass me even if it isn't on purpose. Don't get me wrong. I love my boys and they make me laugh everyday. They are hilarious, but they come with horrible side effects sometimes. Take my trip to town a couple of days ago. We came to a store where they were selling newspapers outside of the door. I am sorry, but I hate this. I hate being jumped at a store door without an exit route. I have told these guys over and over that I do not want a newspaper. As I sat in the car looking at the front door and trying to figure out how to get into the store without getting a sales pitch, my son says this "I got an idea, I will just go up and" pants "him and then when he is distracted you can go into the store. I bet he will never want to sell anything to you after that". After I recovered from envisioning this scene, we opted to go through the garden area and avoid him altogether. I wasn't sure my son wouldn't try something. Amongst my purchases at this store was a toilet plunger. As I am getting into the car, I find that my car has a new hood ornament which took some doing for him to get it off after he put it there. I seriously counted my blessings that I saw that before I got going down the road. Once we get going down the highway he then proceeds to stick the plunger on the roof of the car to pretend it is a police siren, you know like in the movies. I had to put up with this for 7 miles. With my neighbor driving right behind me the whole 7 miles. Then he has the nerve to tell me that he wants to make a bow that will shoot one. Guaranteed, I will be the first to get it in the face. Then the other day we went into a store. I was stuck there with him again despite the many times I have told him he is not coming with me
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ever again. We came out of the gardening area and started down an aisle where we both saw this really cool green glass looking ball. We both reached for it at the same time to feel it. After touching it we realized it was plastic and that is was a toy ball. My son quickly grabbed it and started reading the label. "Hey", he says "this says this ball can bounce 150 feet in the air, I don't believe it". As soon as the, "I don't believe it" came out I knew he was going to see if the claim was true. The first words out of my mouth was, "Don't do it". He must have turned off his "hearing aids" and decided that not only was he going to bounce it on the floor, but he better make sure he gives it enough power that it will do what it claims. He was standing at the top of one aisle and I started down another aisle just as he bounced it. I looked up to see the ball go through the ceiling tiles. This was a good 30 feet up. The ball hit those tiles just right that it lifted them up and turned them enough that they fell out of the rim they were sitting in and came down on his head. I personally did not stick around for the whole thing to play out. When I saw the sky falling, I wasted no time in disappearing. When my son finally caught up to me, he begins to complain about the paper cut that one of them gave him on his face. No, "sorry mom, I should have listened to you". No, nothing. It has been 3 days and still no apology. Perhaps someday when he has a son I will get an apology. Because despite my hopes for change, I think the gene will mutate in his future sons also. Home remodeling is not for wusses. During my growing up years, there is only a couple of houses that I recall not being involved in a remodeling job of some sort. My mother had this innate ability to take something ugly and make it beautiful. I remember one particular house that I went with them to look at. I remember walking into this four walled container of fecal matter and telling my parents that I would not move into that house if they decided to buy it. It seriously looked like someone had urinated on the walls or something in the front room. The toilet was so disgusting. The house smelled horrible. My parents bought the house because they got a great deal on it. I moved in kicking and screaming. The house did have to be cleaned up before we moved in which helped a little bit. When my mother was done with it, it was beautiful home. I will be the first to tell you that I hate remodeling. Mostly because I hate things being in chaos and it would eventually lead to not having a bathroom in the middle of winter. Utah winters in the past were not kind. You would sometimes have to plow a walkway to the car through 3 - 4 feet of snow. This year it has been 3 - 4 inches. When my grandmother passed away, the doctors did not want my grandfather living alone. He was pretty feeble. So my mother and father sold our home and we moved into my grandfather's house. It was a two bedroom, 1 bathroom home. There were 5 of us. My parents made do until we could remodel the home to have 3 more bedrooms and a bathroom. See, I told you all remodeling leads to being without plumbing at one point and time. This remodel job started in the summer and went into the winter. My grandfather had a greenhouse that he had made that was in his backyard about 200 feet away from the house. When it came time to install the new toilet, shower and sink, the water had to be shut off to the bathroom. My father built us a porta - potty of sorts in the greenhouse for privacy. Unfortunately it was in the winter and we had a lot of snow. I remember a few mornings making the trip out to the greenhouse dreading the frostbite I was getting braced to receive. This makes you pretty tough. I am about to "out" my mother on this and may she forgive me. I did not understand her situation then like I do now that I have had four children. The birth of children seriously damages anything related to the bladder and the lack of control thereof. Did not understand this at that time. I am a lot more sympathetic of her situation now. One particular morning when our bathroom was still located in the great outdoors, she woke up and had to go out to the "greenhouse". She realized as she got up that she had to go pretty bad and wasn't sure if she was going to make it. She had a pretty steep flight of stairs to go down and realized when she got to the bottom that there was no way she was going to make it without having an "accident". So she made an executive decision to just step off to the side of the steps and go. She hit a patch of ice which caused her to go down along with her pants
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. Even now, 25 years later, I still laugh at the picture this paints in my mind. I envision Bambi when he first stepped on ice. Now thank goodness Google wasn't around to do a drive by "shooting". I would hate to find her on a Google map search somewhere. I could not stop laughing that entire day. I had graduated from high school and was at home so I was stuck there painting all day. When it would get quiet … you know the 7 minute lull …. I would envision my poor mother in her predicament and start laughing. She would just look at me and give me that "I know what you are thinking about look" and then proceed to tell me that she wishes she would have never told me what happened. Well today I almost had the same experience she did, only I kept my pants on and ice was not involved. The first house my husband and I lived in had to be completely remodeled for it to be livable. I decided after the 10 years of that that I would never remodel again. I will paint, but I won't tear the entire house apart. So for the last couple of months, I have been giving my walls a fresh coat of paint after 7 years. Today I decided that my children's bathroom needed a new look. I have unfortunately been smacked with the short stump and am at a huge disadvantage at reaching ceilings, let a lone vaulted ceilings. I have not to this day spent money on a step - ladder. That is probably why I have nearly died a few times. Today I had the can of paint on the bathroom sink and I was standing on the side of the tub trying to paint around the ceiling. I had a chair in between me and the sink so I could just step around to make things easier. I stepped on the chair with one foot to reach the paint can and for some reason the chair slid, thus causing me to do the splits. I am sure even when I was a baby that I could not do the splits. I am not genetically built for them. My sister tried forcing me once which, quite frankly, I was lucky I could still have children afterwards. Anyway, as the chair slid I felt the muscles pulling in places that no woman wants muscles pulling. My daughter and husband was on the other side of the house discussing bikes and handlebar tape. I yelled for help, groaned for help, prayed for help. No one came. I managed to grab on to something and get myself pulled back together. I had a flashback to when I was 24 months pregnant with my youngest son (not really, but it felt like 24 months), I went to kick a ball and missed. Couldn't walk for weeks from a pulled groin. I do not think that I will be walking the same after today. There is something about pulling the groin muscle that just messing everything up. I nearly crawled into the kitchen to where the beloved family with hearing problems were. No comments like, "sorry, we didn't hear you" or "are you OK". All I got was laughter. It haunted my ears as I am sure it did my mothers years ago. Why did I even tell them. Everything you do as a teen comes back to haunt you as a parent. At least I was within the privacy of four walls and my pants were stretchy. I know it is a job and someone has to do it, but in my opinion the salesman is the worst job on the planet. I sometimes think a prerequisite for this job title is being obnoxious. The job in and of itself is obnoxious in nature. To mix that with a personality of someone who has to be pushed to her limits before she would mistreat someone is nothing more than a setup to get taken advantage of. As I have gotten older it is a lot harder for me to mistreat someone. I haven't always been kind and have said hurtful things in the past, but it is just not in my nature anymore to mistreat someone. I have to get really mad at someone before I rip into them and it takes a lot to get me to that point. I hate this about myself at times because it sets me up to get taken advantage of. My husband on the other hand is not like that, but I force him to be because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. I don't think I have done him any favors. Don't get me wrong, my husband is a very kind, honest and truthful person and his fault to this is that he thinks everyone else is and so he trust people whom he shouldn't. Women's intuition plays into this somewhat because if I have any red flags go up over anything, I don't trust very quickly. I am honest also, I am just more cautious. This is where run ins with salesmen are just horrible for me. I don't trust any of them because of the experiences I have had with them and yet, I can't mistreat them. My mother didn't take garbage off of anyone and my father was the opposite. I am most like my father in this way, but
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it took a salesman for me to see a side of my father I did not know existed. When I was four years of age I remember being at home with my mom one day when a salesman tried breaking into our home. My mom was on the phone to her sister when the guy tried every door in the house. Her and I was curled up in a corner of the kitchen hiding with the phone hoping the guy would leave. It scarred me. I have never been trusting of them since this and I haven't had one that has changed my mind. Another time when after I was married and was home alone a guy showed up selling something. I told him I wasn't interested and he insisted on coming back when my husband got home. I thought to myself that if the guy showed up I wouldn't open the door. I had to leave for some reason and had put a note on a whiteboard for my husband that said this, "Some obnoxious salesman said he was going to show up tonight. If he comes, don't answer the door". Well, I came home and had gone upstairs for awhile, pretty soon my husband called me and as I came downstairs there stood the salesman. My husband obviously didn't see the note I left for him, but the salesman did. At that point, the look that guy gave me sent shivers down my spine. He was extremely angry. He said nothing and stomped out of the house. After he left, my husband asked me what was up with that …. I pointed out the big note I had left him. We both laughed pretty hard over it even though I was a little rattled over the look he gave me. Years ago when I was a teen, a Kirby vacuum salesman came to our home. My mother answered the door and told the guy she was not interested. He became extremely pushy and even trying to forcing himself into the door. My mother had braced her foot against the door to keep him from getting in, but the guy was still trying. This is where my father showed up and told the guy with "fist in the air" to get out or he would do something he regretted. The guy left, but we soon found out that he had been causing problems like this throughout the whole neighborhood. We reported him and he never came back. I am not sure what rigors Kirby goes through to train their salesmen, but they are the closest thing to Satan's spawn I know of. I don't have a peep - hole on my front door and have opened the door to many a people I would have preferred to keep the door shut on. The Kirby salesman who came back later peeping in my daughter's window was one of them. I threatened Kirby that if one of their salesmen ever came back I would call the cops on them. It didn't stop them. A few years later I had one show up that tried to force his way into my house. He didn't come right out and tell me the company he represented or else I would have followed through on my threat. I refuse to let anyone in my home when I am here alone. He was trying every means possible to get into my home to demonstrate a shampooer. When I told him that I have a shampooer then he started on a vacuum, this is where the red flags started going up. I immediately told him I was not interested, I was supposed to get a free set of knives despite the fact. Eight years later and I have not received them. It wasn't until I got a follow - up phone call from Kirby that I realized that they were the company this guy represented. I went off on them again and threatened them with a lawsuit. I haven't seen them since, but that don't mean they won't try some other way to get in. In 1992 a woman was raped by a Kirby salesmen. In 2010 a Kirby salesman hit a poor man in the head with a handheld vacuum when he was asked to leave the property. These people are evil. The list of crimes these people commit against others is deplorable. Next to these guys in line for the Satan's Spawn title would be insurance salesmen. When my husband and I were newlyweds we had one show up on our doorstep. I swear they scope the neighborhoods looking for new move ins. From the start I knew this guy was a scam artist. He started his sales pitch by telling my husband and I all of his marriage problems. I thought to myself … "Are you selling insurance or needing marriage counseling?" If it was marriage counseling I would have told him his first mistake was telling complete strangers way too much information about his personal life. My husband and I patiently sat through 3 hours of his going on and on about his life. I was about ready to take a bullet just to put myself out of misery. Neither one of us wanted to be mean because of the sad story he had just given us. When he finally got around to selling the insurance, he showed me a list of people who had signed up with him. One name in particular jumped out at me. It was a lady that I had
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used to work with that had cancer. After the sucker left, I called her and she told me she had no idea who this guy was and that he was lying. He had somewhere gotten medical information about people that he was fraudulently using. We thought we would not see the guy again after we told him we weren't interested. Nay, nay … a month or so later he showed up as we were leaving. This time I let my husband do his thing and he pretty much told him where to go and how to get there. The list goes on and on. Salesmen remind me of Bill Clinton. In what way you ask? Bill Clinton seemed to think that there was more than one definition for the word "is" during his scandal with Monica Lewinsky.???? What? Is? Salesmen seem to think that there is more than one definition for the word "No". Since a small babe in arms, I knew what no meant and if I did the opposite I would get it. Salesmen don't seem to know how to differentiate between No and No. Case in point: Yesterday, someone knocked on my door. I was expecting a delivery that I had to sign for. Thought it was them only to find myself in that all too familiar uncomfortable spot of being face to face with a salesman. The guy asked how I was doing … 1st red flag … Then he was halfway up the sidewalk and I wasn't sure why until he asked.. "We are selling meat and wondered if you had ever bought from us?" I said no and before I knew it he was running back to his truck to grab the other guy and boxes of meat. Didn't give me one chance to decline. If I had a backbone, I would have shut the door and locked it just then. They pretty much came right through my front door and headed for my kitchen … 2nd red flag. I wondered how the guy knew where he was going. This still disturbs me. I kindly told him to come back to my front room. Within seconds flat he had 10 boxes of meat out on the floor pitching numbers and cost faster than you can say, "Bob's yer Uncle" …. 3rd red flag. He was trying to trick me into accepting his offer by asking me if I would use it … I thought what kind of stupid question is that. If you buy food, don't you usually eat it? After he told me that the cost of meat would be $3000 for a 3 months supply, that was it. I told him I did not have that kind of money. Then comes the "My boss will give you a deal" pitch. I hate this by - the - way, it really insults what little intelligence I have. I am thinking to myself, if your boss allows a deal then why are you trying to scam people for double that cost …. 4th red flag. Despite me telling him numerous times that I won't buy he keeps going from one angle to the next. Finally he asked if they were wasting their time. I told him yes. He then asks me to tell him a name of a friend to go sale to and in exchange I would get a free box of meat. I absolutely refuse to do that to anyone. The ironic thing is that this is a farming community where a lot of the people grow their own beef. Which I informed him hoping he would leave people alone. I don't think it phased him. After they left, I yelled at myself for 2 hours about how stupid I was to let them walk right into my home. If these two had bad intentions, I would have been in an extremely bad situation. I have gone years without a "no solicitation" sign on my door, but decided to put one up yesterday because I am sick of the confrontations. Ironically enough, my daughters were against this. We had a warm 1 hour discussion on how I need to "man - up" and just get mean. "Tell them no, mom" they said. My dear sweet daughters don't realize that doesn't work. They were embarrassed by everything I put on the sign. I made it myself and was quite proud of it. But … what makes me laugh at this whole thing …. my daughter asked me to excuse her from her first hour today. Why you ask? She received a love letter from a boy in that class and she didn't want to face him. Ironic isn't it? My response … "Man - up you can't avoid it forever". I then asked her if she wanted me to make her a sign.. in which she refused. I grew up in a family that enjoyed having a good time. My brothers were constantly pranking us five girls. Of course we would always pay back. One particular week stands out more than others when one of my brothers was off work and made our lives miserable. In the process we all started pranking each other something terrible. My father even got in the action. Which was out of the norm. Usually Mom was the one who would go toilet papering with us kids and other
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"various activities", all good and legal fun (at least it was legal back then). Toilet papering was our favorite thing to do. If you got toilet papered, you were the coolest people on the block. I remember my friend and I saving up tons of paper towel and toilet paper to get a boy's house that I had "liked". I remember one buying spree prompted the store checker to ask us what we were up to …. we just smiled. Admitted nothing. This particular week off for my brother was a nightmare for the rest of us. We would find the neck and arm holes of our pajamas sewn shut when we put them on. We found the legs of our nylons sewn together. My mom found her clothes missing (that was my dad), my brother found a brazier in his gym bag while he was in the boys locker … (this was a good one). My sister found a fake snake in her bed and we found fake spiders (that looked very real) hanging from our ceilings. We were renting this home and the basement was unfinished. My father had been in the military and somewhere my parents had picked up military cots for us to sleep on. We came home from school to find all of these nailed to the beams on the ceiling. We came home and found our beds outside.. this was in the winter. We got my brother back by hanging all of his clothes off the roof of the house, including his tidy whiteys. We put vinegar in his cologne …. (I think this made my extremely patient brother upset) At this point, things were getting out of hand. We knew my father had had enough when we built a snowman in the front yard and instead of using a broom, we used a toilet plunger. This did not sit well with him. One prank that went bad was my sister had put shoes above a door that led downstairs hoping that she would nail someone in the head when they opened the door. Well she did alright …. the telephone repairman. Nailed him good she did, then she blamed it on the younger, less - defensive siblings. Anyway.. this is kind of the way my family is. One of my sisters imparticular will call and give any child of mine that answers the phone … including my husband …. a good teasing about one thing or another before asking for me. I pretty much do the same to her children or my other sister's children. There have been times when she or I or another sister will pass on the street and pull the old "finger up the nose" gag to be funny. These types of things are just normal for us. The other day, my sister called asking me to help my nephew do his taxes. She gave me his cell phone number and I gave him a call. I was half way through giving him crap about how I work cheap, etc … when the voice on the other end told me I had the wrong number. Well … that was embarrassing. If we weren't always trying to pull one over on each other, then things like this wouldn't happen. Take today for instance: I went to help my sister do something for my father. She left before I did, but I came upon her at an intersection. As I came closer, I decided I was really going to get her good. She was directly behind a truck that was waiting to make a left hand turn. There was no one in front of me and I was going straight. I went really slow and stopped right by her. I stuck my finger up my nose as far as I could get it and put the stupidest look I could conjure up on my face. I sat there right next to her knowing full well she would see the color of my car and turn and look. Sure enough, when I turned to see the look on her face half expecting her finger to be up her nose too … I came face to face with an irate looking woman who did not resemble my sister at all. I don't think I have ever covered my identity as fast as I did at that moment. I sat there thinking to myself … "idiot, idiot, idiot". How could I mistake that car for my sister. I ran through my head where the car was exact make, model and color. Her big hair looked like my sister's big hair from the back …… yada yada yada.. If I was not constantly trying to pull one over on somebody, stupid things like this would not happen to me. Next time, I will be more cautious. I will drive up slowly take a good look to make sure it is who I think it is … then I will shove my finger up my nose. Problem solved. Today was a very stressful day. In the area we live in, we have been receiving a lot of rain instead of our usual snow. It made for some very scary roads. This morning the sun had come out and the roads were wet, but not icy. Or so we thought. My daughter came home from school yesterday telling her father that her car acted like it was overheating. So this
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morning he put some antifreeze in it and took it for a spin to see if the problem was taken care of. He hit an unseen patch of ice and totaled her car. He is O. K., but the car was not. My husband was so broken hearted to have to tell his daughter what he had done to her car. Kids have this ability to be so resilient when as adults we worry ourselves into the ground. I happened upon the following entry that my daughter wrote in her blog. I have to share it with you because it brought a huge smile to my face during an extremely stressful time and put what is really important into perspective. My family. BENSON, Utah - 1996 Dodge Intrepid "Sparky", 16, met his demise Jan. 20, 2012 after sliding across an icy road and slamming into one heck of a mailbox post. His bumper was torn to shreds, his lights were shattered, and both of his airbags were ejected. Due to my family's inability to pay for his medical bills, he was euthanized at Cache Valley Metals the morning of his accident. Sparky left us with a rich legacy of driving into ditches and growling like a hungry grizzly bear. He was a morose individual, always snarling unhappily when his engine came to life, skittering across the road when the snow was falling. Sparky hated winter and winter hated Sparky. He would be glad to realize that he no longer has to deal with snow again. Sparky was adopted my junior year in high school after my parents' Intrepid exploded on their way to get him, thus, forcing them to bring him home. He was a carefree car at one point of his life, his power steering ripping you across the asphalt, his engine a gentle hum. Sparky and I had many adventures together, such as driving to BYU on the freeway for the first time and that time when I ripped off his BYU tramp stamp with a spatula. He got the nickname Sparky after his battery died at Steve's house and the jumper cables nearly electrocuted poor Steve. His battery failed him two times that night. I thought I would lose him. Every neighborhood has one right? … The dog that won't stay out of everyone's garbage? We happen to be so lucky as to have two. The other day I happened to look out the front window and saw one of the critters actually inside of my garbage can. A few years back, the county I live in went to what we call the "Black Beauties". Everyone has these huge plastic garbage cans with wheels. Anyway I am not sure if the dog tipped the can over or if the garbage truck did when it put it down, but all I could see was the dog's butt. That was a new strategy, I have to admit. Our nightmare happened on Monday, January 2. We thought the garbage people had the day off to celebrate the New Year. No, they showed up and half the street didn't have their cans up to the road. This was right after Christmas and everyone had extra garbage. So we had to take to inconspicuously stacking it by the side door until the next week's pickup. Unfortunately "Sherlock and Watson" found the garbage yesterday. I wasn't sure at first it was the dogs until later. When leaving for school, I saw a box where it shouldn't have been. I came home, picked up the box and stuck it in the garbage. Later that afternoon I left to run my son up the street and saw a somewhat nicely laid out buffet on my front lawn. Salsa, oranges and chocolate milk. As we were pulling out of the driveway and seeing various pieces of garbage scattered up the driveway, I was mumbling and threatening the culprits. As we got to the top of the drive, I saw "Sherlock" making her way down the road. My son had made the comment that the two of them were "working" the street. One on one side and one on the other, although we only saw "Sherlock". I watched her as I pulled out of the driveway and sure enough she returned to the scene of the crime. I floored it to get back home before more garbage was strewn up the driveway. When we returned "Watson" had showed up, thus verifying the "working the streets" theory. When she saw us, she hauled butt out of there. One time "Sherlock" left a cow head on our lawn. Yes.. you heard me right a cow head. My husband threw it in the trash. Do you know how many times I was startled by that head when I opened that can? I would like to hide something in the garbage can that would literally scare the crap right out of the next dog that attempted theft. Something spring - loaded, so that when that lid was moved …. Although, I think I would be the first to get it right in the keester. I would forget and open it. I know I would. Got to put the mind in gear to come up with something to deter them. I will market it with my crapapult and make millions. For Christmas every year, we buy one or two boardgames because we love
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playing games as a family. Every Sunday night we have what we call Family Home Evening and we have a lesson on gospel topics and then we plays games and have treats. Everyone takes turns doing different things. Family Home Evening is not Family Home Evening with the games. We take turns picking a game and spend the night laughing or fighting if it is Pictionary. It never fails, something about Pictionary brings the worst out of at least one person. If you put my two daughters together on a team, guaranteed you have your work cut out for you to win. It is like they can read each other's minds or something. The family joke, "Hey, I feel like fighting … let's play Pictionary". Pit is also a family favorite. This year for Christmas I found one of the funniest games. It is called Redneck Life. I bought it at www. newegg. com. That was the cheapest place I found. They also offer an expansion pack which is worth the extra cost to buy right off. This game is based on The Game of Life only it is in redneck version. You shake one or two dice (depending if you are using expansion pack) to see what grade you graduated from. Then a payday comes with that education and a job i. e. Monster Truck announcer, bouncer, bass fishing guide … etc. You roll the dice to pick your spouses name. i. e. Big Belle, Corndog Pete …. The first time we played we were all depressed because you automatically go into debt. You have to buy a house and a car etc. Throughout the game you have "accidents" that make you loose teeth. The object of the game is to see who has the most teeth at the end. There are factors that determine this at the end. You can gain some teeth back through various ways. The worst part of it for me was that I ended up with 34 children and 31 of them were all named Darryl and had red hair. This forced me to buy enough vehicles to get this family around. There is a space you land on where you can take the kids to the babysitter (babysitter being whatever player you choose) and "forget" they are there. Then the babysitter adds that many more kids to their kid list. By the way, each kid you have takes away $10 from your payday. So if your payday stunk in the beginning, it really stinks if you have a ton of kids. We have laughed so hard during this game. Tears streaming. The first time we played, I landed on a square that said, "Your parents didn't want you when you were born and left you at the hospital, start over". This pretty much sucked, but I did get even at the end. This is a hilarious game. I had to edit some of it for my kids (they are 14 - 19) just because I didn't feel it was appropriate for our home but it is stuff you can work around. The cars and houses that you have to buy are actual pictures of real homes and vehicles. I would hope that people don't live in things like that or drive things like that, but I have an uneasy feeling that they do. I am not sure there is one woman on this planet who enjoys cleaning a toilet. If there is I would like to meet them. Yet, to have to clean something so disgusting is far better than not having one at all. At least during the flu season. The family Christmas party was held just days before Christmas. We have about 70 plus now in the extended family, but I believe at that time there were probably only 60 something and of those sixty I believe only 35 of us were there. My husband and kids and I always have a Christmas Eve party. I planned big, we had Chinese food and all kinds of goodies. It was great fun until later that night one of my kids complained of not feeling well. I hoped that it was just something passing so that their Christmas would not be ruined. By the time we went to bed three children were sick. We started dropping like flies people. Christmas morning welcomed the entire family having the flu. The worst Christmas ever. We barely managed to get packages opened between trips to the bathroom. Most of us laid and moaned all day. I began to wonder if some of my cooking had given us all food poisoning, until I started calling around and getting calls from the family. What we realized is that within a five - day period 26 of the 35 people had the flu. It nearly took out the entire family. We then thought that perhaps we ate something at the party that gave us food poisoning. We could not find a common denominator. I do believe to this date nothing has made me sicker except for morning sickness. When every Christmas rolls around at least one child tells me that they never want to see Chinese food again. It is not what made everyone sick, but everyone remembers what it is like revisiting that meal over and over again. I have always been one that hardly ever throws up. I remember the few times I have it has been with a migraine combined
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