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1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Thank God I got to the computer. C Block after lunch, Ms. Barry, OUT OF NOWHERE is like 'I AM SICK OF YOUR MOOD SWINGS! YOU'RE A GOOD STUDENT, BUT I CAN'T TAKE YOUR MOOD SWINGS ANYMORE! EVERYONE HAD PROBLEMS! YOU HAVE TO GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON!!' and I had said nor shown any sign of a 'problem' or even any kind of anguish really, not much difference than I regularly am in there..I burst out in tears, I snapped. I weeped, sobbed, I couldn't breathe. For the rest of the period. And then she made all her little 'doodle' jokes b/ me and Stephanie are always doodling well sorry we are two of the 8 kids in your class that are passing and you fucking take all your anger out on us!? I really really cried and cried, and Jake walked me to D, where I cried so so so so so so so much more. Patt cheered me up, and I am really grateful that he did because I couldn't cry forever. I'm not that much of a Dani Webster. Anyway everyone over here is completely serious about this move. Most likely it's looking like we'll end up in Agawam, we drove by the high school and everything tonight, *tear*. K0819KT:your not moving K0819KT:i dont care wat u say..u come live in my closet After school I got a call from Fitzy and we talked about everything in my last entry and it was nice. He really is sooooooooooooo great. I just, I don't know. I have to sort out all of these feelings. I'll admit, I am crazy for Mike all over again, and remember the pain he put me through, I couldn't stand it again. I mean, I have gotten so much stronger so it wouldn't be so bad, but still. Why go through it if I don't have to? That's Mike's like, ONE flaw I guess. The only one I've really seen at least. Um, but yeah. I just have to figure this all out. then I went to the D E N T I S T (ayye) not fun!! Only, I went in and they numbededed me up and it hurt cuz he put the novacaine in a badd spot. Dr. Lai, this new guy, is awesome. I've had like 8-10 fillings/refillings with Dr. Houle, and he never gave me enough novacaine and it suckededed. But last time, with this new guy, he kept on givin me it. He was like do u want more? do you want more? I'm like PFF YEAH I DO. And that one, which was a really bad one, deep, and so like, I slept thru it. I felt nuthin. This one...I endured the pain. I just held so effing tight. Ya know how I explained the vibrations thing? NOT THE BEST PLACE. Though, I decided that I'm going to take this to my advantage...put a meaning to it all...so I listened...to that and FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD !! Oh, Pat Benetar came on. The Pat Benetar thing lately. It's everywhurr. Then I went to Ma's and GREG CAME OVA!*~* I gotsted me a CONE!!!!!!!!! Everyone, I would like you to meet CONEY JR. (LOVE OF MY LIFE) He is the bestestestestest ever. (Wo. that was hard to type.) I got like a bazillion Rave CDS and that is sOoOoOoOo awesome [instert getting buffness] YESH! CANDY! SicTransitHero:MATT bloodstained16:MEGAN SicTransitHero:i am not going to central next yurr bloodstained16:GRRRRR YOOOOU!!!!!! (im not really angry at you just very very upset and turning my misplaced emotion into anger) PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME!!!!!! Urm...GUESS WHAT OMG!! THE PADRE HAS A NEW BUSINESS HE IS GOING TO BE THE ICE CREAM MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS GETTING A DING DONG CART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but guess what? Along with losing my school, i am losing my phone :(. I think that thunder means I have 2 choices: 1)go buhbyes 2)death by computer Bruises are showing up on me. On he back of my neck now too. All over. Gotta hide, gotta hide from this world. Hey Fitz, we made it through today...does this mean we're FREE? I'm going to go finish a collage I started called Eternal . It's coming alone eloquently. Heh heh...gonna ring Matt, then Mike, then Fitz. I think that's it. Alrighty. Tally ho. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I am at school in the library...B period lunch, but Katie is not with me as she usually is this lunch. She is mad at me because I told her I am probably not going to be at Central next year but I told her it's not really anything I can control and I don't want to leave! It hit me today that NEXT WEEK (thurs) IS MY BIRTHDAY. 16th, blech......Last GSA for the year is this Thursday, so there goes that which I was looking forward too. My day just keeps getting better and better. Last night Fitzy called and I told him I couldn't talk because Ma was still awake, which she was, so I really couldn't. I told him to go read my journal and I think maybe that was a dumb idea considering the things I've written in the last few entries. Urm, but yeah...he still did. Shit. Shit. Shit. Um, then Mike called and we talked until I think like 3:13 am but I apparently fell asleep and I woke up with the charger cord wrapped around my neck. Scary shit. Um, Tuesday I am 'staying after' so me and Mike can hang out b/c we haven't seen each other in about 4 weeks. That sucks. But I woke up to Fitzy's call this morning and he told me about a buncha stuff in the past that has happened to him, situations and stuff and what came of them, and told me to think about it. I know he didn't mean it that way, but it seemed kind of threatening. I hung up with him, got dressed, collected things for escuela and then headed down for the morning bagel...onion. Yummmmmy in my tummy, that's fer sure. But today it tasted like C R A P. :( I was not planning on 'remembering' my dose this morning, but I took it anyway. I wanted to just cry aeverything all out for a day and then be better, but I have enough to worry about because OH YEAH I AM IN SOOOOOO MUCH PAIN I CAN BARELY SIT, STAND, WALK, MOVE, etc. Really. I talked to Ms. Kelley 1st block in gym and she said that I could sit out, and that I probably have lots of internal bruising, which makes sense. She said its normal that when you get hit by a car you don't feel the effects for a few days. True, true. She said something I'll never forget to me this morning...It's rare I remember things like this...but she said 'You are lucky. Not lucky, blessed .' (And then a volleyball hit me hard in the side of my face, no lie, perfect timing.' But yeah. I told Teej what happened, and Maureen was around. I told Tasia, I told Steph (B) and Michelle and Ms. Kelly obv. . .I told Kris and Josh in Math 3rd block...holy shit today is going by fast. Josh said that I am fucking stupid as hell for not going to the hospital, and he's all 'START WALKING!!' and I'm like I AM NEVER WALKING ANYWHERE AGAIN AS LONG AS I LIVE OMG...[fear]...no...[TERROR]. Ooie, I haven't typed much yet and lunch will be over soon. Lessee....urm....I told Arcadio and he told me about some time when he was little and a car ran over his face or something, I don't know. Then I pulled out a folder of things to go through and my 5th gr. class pic was in thurr for sum reason and so everyone in G block like had to look at it (including Dowd) I'm like oh my god........blah. Now it's B and we have to do McBeth McBETH McBETH!! AND I HOPE OUR THEATER GETS FUCKING CCURSED FOR ETERNITY...as long as I am not here next year. I've been thinking about it, and I'm okay with switching schools...This kid is sitting on the comp. next to me and out of the corner of my eye I can see him looking over at me like every 5 seconds. Not sure if I mind or not. I saw Matt on the way down to B but he was with *Nicci so I didn't get a hug or to talk to him or nuffin. Argh. I am shaking real bad. I really hope both Katie and Fitzy stop being mad at me. I don't know what to do or say! I'm like having this really bad luck streak or something, I don't know, but it's not cool. Fitzy gave my my birthday present early when I was over yesterday and it is a necklace and it is absolutely gorgeous and I love it so much and it had THE best energy...I have barely let go of it all day. A picture of Josh in A with those weirdo sunglasses he had on keeps popping into my head. I made a collage last night, it was really gorgeous. The background was all strips of black and white pictures all shredded and pretty...that took about 2 hours. Then in the corner in like assorted (great word YEAH) pinks and reds is the word YOURS ...There is that terrible vibrating again. I hate it. I am so sensitive to vibrations now...and NO I DO NOT MEAN THAT IN A DIRTY WAY. But every little vibration in anything I'm near, whether it's the motion or the sight or the sound, I see it...all. It's annoying, because I can't think straight when it won't go away...I think it's the printer or the copier, I don't know but it's here every day, just today it's louder. I heard it all thru MCAS last week too. That deff was not cool. I have to wrap this up, I hurt a lot anyway, but I have what, 7 minutes? I don't know, I am not used to 2nd lunch anymore because last week was all 3rds so I adjusted myself to the time period IN DIGITS. I really can't believe Fitzy has my blood. Matt read that and was like HE BETTER FUCKING APPRECIATE THAT!! HE BETTER KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!! And I'm like, from the looks of yesterday, I doubt it. (Should I, baby?) Katie!! PLEASE DON'T BE MAD AT ME!! I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU!! YOU ARE LIKE, WOW. You probably know this after the whole Patt escapade and the poem, but I have had the biggest crush on you from day one. I mean, like really. You are so amazing. You are the most gorgeous, beautiful person I have ever seen. I mean it. You are flawless. I can't bear to see you hurt like you are now with this thing with Paul, and I hate when u sing the Oscar Mayer Weiner song all thru B block every day forever and ever but it's all good...You should hear some of the things Patt and I used to talk about...There's the bell... Over and out. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I love you to death: Josh Fitzgerald Matt Haley Mike Felix Maureen Begley Greg Abdow Patrick O'Neil Danielle Scahill Jess Pas Sam Gagen India Wright Katie Foley Anthony Crivello Greg Jarry Jake Griffin Egypt Monique Robinson Crystal Woodard Brian Nasuta Tasia Marquadt and you know it. bloodstained16: *hugs you* love you to life...cause we cant have you dead, now can we? RuneBladeWielder: i.. i love you too |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | 'this is the first and last time he said. she fakes a smile and presses her hips into his...' -Brand New I just got home from Fitzy...I know that this is like my 50th entry today, but oh well. I need this to help clear my head. I'm going to be completely honest and raw about this and no one get mad at me or anything, i dont know. But like, the last few days I have been thinking about this huge change that happened in my and Fitzy's relationship. I...honestly...I wanted to break up with him today. I did. (...sorry, baby...) but I don't know what ('would it be so bad, if u were to pretend that u were so happy?') changed my mind. I don't. I'm still not totally sure. I explained a couple of my cuts to him that I have never told anyone else about...('are you happy? i'll decide. these stories are so old, how they match your eyes...') He has my...stuff that I use for them...he has a bottle of my blood in his closet. I hope he knows what that is to me. My own blood means more to me than anything. I WISH IT DIDNT HURT, HURT LIKE THIS TO SAY THESE THINGS TO YOU. I'LL SACRIFICE ONE MOMENT FOR ONE TRUTH IF WE GET THROUGH TOMORROW THEN WE'LL BE FREE... ITS JUST ANOTHER DAY ONE MORE CHANCE TO GET THIS RIGHT. I'LL SACRIFICE FOREVER PLEASE JUST FOR TONIGHT. IF WE GET THROUGH TOMORROW, THEN WE'LL BE FREE... THE WORST IS OVER FOR NOW TAKE A BREATH NOW LET IT OUT THE WORST IS OVER FOR NOW TAKE A BREATH NOW LET IT OUT THE WORST IS OVER FOR NOW... My thoughts all all just a blur. I got to meet Robin finally, she's wicked cool. She really is. A lot of the time I was with Fitz today I was thinking about Mike unwillingly. He wouldn't leave my head. That used to happen to me real bad whenever I went over Matt's house. Mike is like haunting me or something. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing (fold the corners JUST FOR TONIGHT) and I have a feeling he really doesn't often take the time to read things like my journal so I guess he'll never know that. But it's true. OMJesus I can't believe I spilled that, but yep. I don't like grey anymore. I don't. Not after tonight. Mike: if you were to randomly kiss me next time you saw me, I would kiss you back. I've really come to learn how fast things happen and I'm not going to miss anything because of anything else. I refuse to. (And this is why people cheat.) I don't know what to think. I've finally broken out of my disgusting slut shell but it's all coming back and I think there is only one way to stop it...I'm going to stop typing for a bit, but if I am going to write any more, I will add it to this entry. Greg got me an orange cone. He called 'sorry to bother you, but do you want a cone?' Yayness. Alrighty... |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Katie G just called me and I told her the news and she just like freaked out, and I told Greg a little bit ago and he was like oh man, I'm sry, r u k? all a that. *he gotted me a bday present!* he's such a sweetie. NEXT SAT. I AM PROBABLY GOING TO A RAVE AT THE PALLADIUM!!!!!!! YOU ARE JEALOUS!!!!!!!! I am so so so so excited. Yay. Maureen just left and I am waiting for Fitz and Robin to come get me....they'll be here in like approx. 8 min. I miss Fitzy. My side has been hurting really really bad but my left side and I fell on my right but I don't get it, I kinda rolled, so maybe like, maybe I pulled something, suggested Maureen. I don't know, but it kills. And dumb ex-pill-popper Megan is immune to ibuprofen and such becuz she used to pop on avrg. like 8 a day just to be numb. Ehh, I can bear it, it's just sucky. Maureen has a new flame. His name is Jay and he is 20 and I am worried about her. I hope to God he's not another 'fagit'. I know he's too old, but i dont know, maybe he's okay for her. I know I can't protect her forever and she has to make her own mistakes, but I am her Angel. I can't let her get hurt. I can't. I love her too much. She calls Ma 'Mom'. Hehe. I owe her a fish...M.J.E.D.B. is the fishes name. One of those goldfish with the humongus eyes chillin on the sides of its face. Mjedb stands for MaryJane Eric Deroche Begley. Wow. I've never had a fish named after me before, so I'm pretty damn prouda that one. I just put on Finch because I want to hear 'Project Mayhem'...another good song for all you song stealers to steal. I should probably wrap this up because Will Kulig just called me and OH MY GOD I hope we don't move to Chicopee becuz then I'll have to go to his school ew. Urm..know what? They found a house they really really like in Agawam...its supposedly great n I get a room bigger than one square foot, but yep. It's near W E S T*S P R I N G F I E L D yay. Okies. Fuck this...this music is happy and turning me on and I am leaving and I am going to show Fitz this picture book I drew yesterday called 'My DAY' and its about my day yesterday, go figure. I typed it all out all about it but it was in the big long entry I wrote this morning and so it is lost. I miss Fitzy. Okies leaving. Adios. Turn me over. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | 'I am thinking its a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly alignesd. I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay...' -The Postal Service Maureen is here, she has been here for a while, and when she arrived she gave me a really really big tight warm long hug making sure that I was okay after yesterday and it made me feel really good because it's great to know someone I care about so much cares about me too. We put on Eminem and listened to 'Squrr Dance' and 'Superman' and made rull messy ice cream sundaes and it was yummy and then we planned to open our own ice cream shop and have lots of whipped cream and have whipped cream fight...ya know, the spray kind...it will be soo much fun!! We listened to MSI and like random crazy shit and she played 'turning japanese' on the piano and I was exited and then we listened to 99 Red Balloons and all of that. And now she is lying on the couch behind me, probably looking at my ass for all I know and she looks really pretty in the sunlight slipping through the blinds. We're listening to The Postal Service (obv) and now she is playing gamecube...Hopefully I can go to Fitzy's later on tonight, Robin will pick me up, if I can get a ride homw, but like, I dont know...I feel bad, like I blew him off for Maureen or whatever but it's not my fault!! It's not!! I can't type long because I don't want to neglect her too. I feel like such a bad friend/girlfriend... 'tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together...?' -TPS I really feel like I've been like a bad girlfriend or whatever. I feel like cutting off all my hair right now, but guys, I have found my reason to keep it and grow it out...I want it to grow super long so I can braid it and whip it around while I dance and at raves and things. Anywho...it dawned on me last night that I don't think I could marry Fitzy. Really. I mean, I'm not ready to be a fucking girlfriend, and deff not a mother (:-/ ayye) though I thought I would make a great wife I can't. I really cant. (Sorry, baby) I can't. I can't even be someone's girlfriend without fucking up. I rully can't. :( Now I feel like CRAP so I'm not going to write much more. She is still playing gamecube. She wrote me another poem and I scanned it and yeah, I'll upload it later. She is so amazing...her words touch something in me I can't describe...it's like 10 minutes to 3 so I have to turn down the tunage. BRB (have you figured that one out yet??) SicTransitHero:i got hit by a car yesterday applejak010:lol applejak010:i mean applejak010:that's terrible jerk. ehh, wuteva. I am so sick of this TPS business. I am going to put on some random tunagegegegege...o.O nope I like this song. After this. I think the fam is home, but then again, I've been hearing things every two seconds so fer all I know I'm crazy. Like fo shizzle. Video gamage off. Maureen is sleeping on the floor. She is beautiful...:) I remember when we were at the mall one night and I was 'sleeping' at the table in the food court and her and I think Mike Howell were sitting there and she was talking about 'how often do you get to watch a pretty girl sleep' and I was like in complete awe because that was the first time that there was any sign whatsoever that she liked me and I've liked her so much for so long, so yeah. Umm hey, the fam is home...so I think like I might as well just sign off altogether. P.L.U.R.R. luv n sex. adios. turn me over. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | 'Hold me now, it's hard for me to say I'm sorry. I just want you to stay...' I am listening to Candy Kid's Blood Has Been Shed disc and it is so good and it's really loud and Maureen is on her way over and I am excited but paranoid that she's randomly shown up and I can't hear hur. Ahh, she's not. I am loving this, attempting to rave, but I am all achey in my side from yesterday. Blechh. I have a gross taste in my mouth from thaat weirdo alien juice that I drank this morning. Ewwie, brb. (While I'm gone, try to pernounce BRB.) okies, I have choc. ice cream which I don't even like but oh wellllls. I talked to Fitz again and he asked me like what I thought of the journal he kept last week and stuff, and like, how do you answer questions like that?! Seriously, like, sometimes you don't think about stuff, you feel it, or just observe it instead of expeirence it and such. Or sometimes you can't even explain it. Like, you really really honestly truly don't know. *~*To all thuh (pernounce that-a one) ravurrs in thuh nation*~* I don't have anything to say, so I will just ramble on and on randomly. There are little bunnies on my bracelet, bunnies are the bestist evur! Zippety-doo-dah. I think Fitz is mad at me. Our relationship is all screweded up like energy wise. Ehh, hopefully it'll revive itself. Hopefully. I really do love him. He is amazing. I am sweaty. After this I will put on TPS and maybe, urm, BD. But that will make me sad so maybe TPS n thats it...WHERE'S MAUREEN? ice cream ice cream ice cream ice cream...I wish I could tell what the voice in this techno is saying. I don't really care actually, the beat is great as is all good techno...obv. ~LUDA~ heh, urm, Next Sat. there is a rave and I want to go so I will get $25 and go with Greg . It's all ages so I don't have to wait until I'm 16. Ladeda, I will be 16 soon OH NO.!.!. I am scaredededed to drive, I am. So I will get my permit and then wait a year or 2 before I start driving. I have to keep stopping typing to eat some ice cream. ~LUDA~ urm,my hair is dry now. This morning I washed my hair in the sink to straighten it and got CONDITIONER IN MY EYE and then Matt went and said CORNEAS n I'm like AAHHHHHHHHHHHH because it was really scary. What if I died fer real? Every one/thing is out to get me these days. Uurrbuddy (in the club gettin tipsay) WHAT WHAT!? Hardcore muthafucks hahahahaha. Whooee. I just deleted a whole buncha HHHHHHs so that you don't get upset even tho u probably are already because you are just so damn concerned with my well being. Oh my goodness, oh me oh my, where is MAUREEN? My wrist hurts now too. Know what? Know what? kNoW wHaT? my cuts are mostly all healeded. I tried to tell myself I wouldn't do it anymore, for me, for Fitz...that's about it. But it's an addiction, ya know. Look at all the muthafucks ((haha)) that r like 'im quitting smoking' like everyuutha day n then u see em outside sucking down cancer sticks like theyre....like theyre....like they're cancer sticks. I am going to put on The Eminem Show now. I know, you are jumping for joy even though you can't hear it and I can!! I WIN! ZIPPETY DOO DAH!! MAUREEN IS HERE!!!!! Yay! Yay! Yay! Okies, adios. Turn me ova. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | The fam is off for a few hours and I am being the reason why they are moving, they just don't know it. :-D Fitz rang just as they were leaving, so I am stuck at home with permission to invite only female friends over...dun wry guys, we'll be good. Hopefully Indie and Sam will come over. Maureen's got her away message up so I don't know. My mom said girlfriendS...heh heh...I love people that don't realize exactly what they're saying. Alright, well LEN is skipping and I am going to eat and I am blech now because I had to relive the accident again for Fitz...bblech. Okay, well here I go eating u out of house and home and then *painting. Turn me over. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Right now I love: 1. 'Steal my Sunshine' 2. The blue paint all over my fingers from last night 3. 'Steal my Sunshine' Right now I hate: 1. Blogger 2. Blogger 3. This POS keyboard 4. Ma nd Craig sucking face in the kitchen 5. Blogger 6. The 'I am away from my computer right now.' away message. How very redundant. 7. Blogger 8. That I probably won't get to see Fitz today :( :( 9. See #2 10. See above. 11. Family 12. Aches and pains and trauma 13. That this Venga Boys song has a sound effect of like VRRROOOOOM. 14. This Venga Boys song. Actually, not. 15-34. Blogger 35. The tears all dried around my eyes that feels weird. 36. The VRRROOOOOOM thing 37. I suddenly crave The Rasmus. Hmm. 38. Onomatopoeias 39. 'Come as You Are' 40. Blogger 41. This list. Turn me over. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I hate Blogger now, I really do. Or this midget crap keyboard. I really am crying over this one. I typed a LONG significant entry and out of nowhere, IT'S GONE. I know my journaling on here is just for me to get it all out, but I'm a packrat with words and my hidden feelings too. This is not good. It was really really long. Forget it. I am not typing it again. That would just defeat the purpose all together. This is why I left Blogger the first time, last year in 'Lost in the Shuffle.' I surrender. Turn me over. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I hate missing days in here. Argh. Mall last night, cool...made friends with Kittie, that was neat. Eh, hung out with Mike and Sam and Matt and DJ and Indie and Steve I guess mostly all night. And Crystal. I am going to give Slipknot a chance. Um...mom got my a black light fer my room and it is sooooooooo fun cuz it lights up the entire litte 1ft x 1ft room and so much of my stuff glows in it. it is soooooo awesome, you have no idea. We ordered the party kit, and it's like a vamp thing so it'll be pretty swell. Last night i took caffiene pills and got really bad heart pains. I painted*. No one knows what that means yet. My book of paintings* I hae decided I will not give to anyone. I wrote a poem about Mike and Sam last night, soon I'll get a lot of these new poems into MAiM guys, don't worry. On the 3rd, I broke up with Fitzy. I am tired and way out of it so I am going to go. plur megan vladimir star butterfly laroache creepy megan the lesbian mookie joe |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Look up the lyrics to The Postal Service's 'Nothing Better.' That's all I have to say. Goodbye. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | HEEEEY! HAPPPPYYY BIIIIRRTTTHHDAAAAYYY MMMEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I am excited. I am a whopping 9 years old today! Haha I told Ms. Barry that and she was like, huh? She got mad confused, it was AWESOME. F-gym, walked the track reading, with Katie and Debra and OH YEAH and Marcelino. Katie TACKLED me in the locker room. Like a full on tackle. G-slept. A-hahahah 'instant messaged' wil...on paper, with the instant message boxes drawn and the screen names adn *ands and direct connections and like pop up ads and links and knock knocks and junk. it was funny. Btw, Irish is pregnant with Josh's baby. Good to know. B-acting, found out I didn't have to do MCBETH in the show on friday. Speaking of, last night was our play. Intense. I GOT DRENCHED in ketchup. It was soooooo gross. It was everywhere and it reeked and it didnt even look like decent blood. Hahahahahaha. Sucks for me, I know. Anyway, other than that last night wasn't that much fun except for doind personality quizzes with mom and craig about can u pick up love signals and 'do you spark or leave no mark?' and I said, hey mom, I must cause a spark because REMEMBER MARK? I LEFT HIM. I mean, He dumped me, but in my head we were already waaay broken up. What a waste of so many kisses, Man. OH YEAH, AND SPEAKING OF MARK AND B BLOCK, MARK WAS THERE!!! at Central, with Josh. I must admit, he looked really hot. But like, he was all 'Hi Megan.' I'm like SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. and he says happy birthday and then i say thank you all delightfully and walk away. Goin out to buses, he was thurr again wit josh (l) and like, I went over and gave him a hug and he did his little 'hey' and then is like so now u give me a hug. and i let go and walked away. AJ is hot, he actually like talked to me today for the first time in so long. We used to be cool, now i guess its sorta kinda maybe gettin back to that which is coooooo cuz hes a coooo kid. Mom gave me Anne Sexton's complete collection of poems today. I was sooo excited. She is GODDESS. Omg. and she gave me pop tarts, the good kind, and made me breakfast. It is really hot out hurr in the office and every one probably wants to spend time with me because today is like acknowledge megan cus she is the best ever day. Obv. Gena sang the best birthday song ever: G:Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. I don't know your name. Me: Vladimir. G: Huh? Me: Vladimir. G: Huh? Me: V-L-A-D-I-M-I-R G: Vlahhhuh? Me: (sigh) Joe. G: Happy birthday dear Joooeeeee....um. Happy Birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyyy..... |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Library, Tueday morning, but you already knew that. I was so surprised it was lunchtime. I have noticed that the days after I pull an all-nighter I am wide awake and energized the whole next day. One would think I would be exhausted and the day would go by slow, but I guess not. I think that's a good thing, because I can't wait for this day to be over with. Oh yikes (bikes!.....nvm) I just remembered I have to stay after for rehearsal till (5?)...Eh, I think it's six. Josh got me thinking. Josh Bobrowski, Banana Josh...he saw my thousand (technically 50) pieces of extremely bright and colorful candy and he was talking about Ephedrin. I htink that's how ta spell it and junk. But yesh, him and Dave started talking about it and though I know it's bad for me, the whole...experimental thing is not completely out of my system. I don't know what I am going to do. I go to the mall every week or whatever, I don't even know anymore, and try to pry myself away from the CVS that I love because I always want to get more of that stu Reason for the above's random stopping point: The LIBRARIAN. Here, I'll play it out for you. [Type type type, Me. Librarian (L) comes and sits at the computer NEXT TO ME even though there was no one on any of the other computers on that entire side of the library. Me, (M) Type type type, trying to ignore her ewwwwyness. L leans over so obv.ly and annoyingly to see what I am doing...I try to keep typing.] L: What are you doing? M: Same thing I am in here doing every day, typing. L: What are you typing? M: Umm, a short story in the form of a journal. [L reads the above journal entry thouroughly.] L: Who are you working for?? M: [insert extrememly puzzled look here] Myself... L: You're not telling me the truth. M: I'm not? L: No, I know what Blogger is. M: Okay....do you want me to just get off the site? Because I will. L: This is a story? M: Mhm. L: Let me see the rest of it. M: Do you want me to just get off the computer altogether? Because I will, really. L: I want you to show me the story. [She sits back down at her lovely little computer, don't ask me why after she asked to see something on mine...but anyway, I save it as a draft really quickly so I didn't lose it and clicked over to the page of all the posts' titles.] M: It's all choppy, you can't see it all together. But here it is. L: [Staring at her screen still] You're not telling me the truth. M: Yes, I really am. What else do you want me to say? L: You're not telling me the truth. M: Yes, I am. I type entries like one or two times a day, depending on whether or not I can get to the city library after school because I have a hard home life. My writing is all I care about and here is really the only place I can concentrate and get things done. So I type the entries, then later when I can...which isn't often...I edit them to shape them around a character. Most of this isn't editted yet because, like I said, I have little access to this. L: You're not telling me the truth. I know what a blogger is. M: Okay, well I only use the blog space to store the little bit I get done so I can get it on any computer because I have no one place to save it to. L: You're not telling me the truth. M: I don't understand. I'm in here doing this everyday. I know that's what it is. L: [patheticly fake sigh] All you have to do is admit you are typing an email and I will leave you alone. M: Look...[cracks voice dramatically] I am not trying to be rude, but I'm really not. There's not email addresses or anything on the screen, you can come check. I'll get off the computer if you want...really... L: No, I know you're not rude, but... I think after that I blocked her out because I have no clue what she said, nor do I care, as entertaining as this all is. I mean, what kind of librarian makes it against the library rules to check out books??? Isn't that what a library is for??? But anyway I stared at the screen saver scroll across the screen again and again and again and I will never go back in the library because of the screen saver. Spfld. Central High School - Do Not Change System Settings! Ick. So then I watched the letters dance and change colors as they went, I'm not kidding about this part either. And I watched the lights in the background that I could see reflected in the black of the comp. screen were turning in to things. This is pretty normal for me to see things like this, but know what? It was entertaining. I could feel her looking at me every 2 seconds, so I turned and caught her looking at me and she didn't look back. :-D. Intimidation. Easy in cases like this, where she thinks she has it over you, but just a look can turn the tables. Enough of that. I went to the other periods, and it was cool in D because she handed out a new book and on the book card I got the # for the Mango Street book I lost so I could turn in the one I stole claiming to have the right number and save my fourteen dollars. Nothing really super bad or super good happened today, I guess. I got a lot of recognition for all my candy, which I stayed up last night to make. This thing about Josh and the pills, I don't know. I'm still tearing apart the idea in my mind for some kind of no-matter-what-this-is-a-no-no reason. But I don't have one yet. E period sucked. F period, ehh, volleyball. Whatever. Jose and Kat and Chi were thurr so it was cool. I skipped afterschool rehearsal, as did everyone. What would we have accomplished without the entire cast? I'd still be there now...for the whole next hour or so. I came home and couldnt stomach a whole thing of Ramen, so I like, ick. Ow. Still feeling that one. Yesterday was Paul's bday. Today is Joe's bday. Tomorrow is Josh and Jer's bday. THURSDAY IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY? I get to pick a friend or two to come to NoHo for all day Sat. My first thought was Fitz and Sam...but Fitz will be at realms and Sam...well, that would be nice just to hang out for a day. Esp. in NoHo. Me and Fitz, I'm kind of confused. Last I heard we are on a break, or talking about taking one, I don't even know where it ended...so I am saying that we are together for the time being until I can be sure. I am being optimistic about this thing as much as I can be. I don't know what else to say, but I'm on a roll with this entry, it has been a while, I know, and NO I am not explaining my entire weekend. Not sure if I did or not. This afternoon Mom came by to drop stuff off and her and me and dad were talking and he was talking about me missing a dose and how i can't do that and tho i have (i.e. the PADRE thing.) But yeah..that convo wasn't the highlight of my afternoon. He said in the mornings and such or when I miss a dose I am 'fit to kill'...yes, yes, yes, yes I am...though I am pretty good about not becoming a psycho killer. In C, Mike Gilligan was talking about how his dad's friend used to get picked on and beat up by all the black kids at his school so one day they were supposed to beat him up and this kid (his dad's friend) came to school on PCP and ripped off a locker door and beat the the kids nearly to death. He got a 30 day suspension and no one messed with him after that. I just think the locker door part is sexy. Dad wants me to go do a load of laundry, so I gotta make this quick...or I can save it, do that, come back and add. Ehh, whatever. I have been getting really bad back pains. Really bad. I just took off all of my candy and I feel weird. My play is tm night. Ew. That sucks. Ehh, whatever. No one really cares. Really, they don't. I don't even care. I am all sweaty, so I am gonna jump in the shower when I'm done with the laundry. This is to you as the Ramen was to my stomach. Wait...ew, If that's true, sorry. I should have shut up days ago. Well I might as well just blow this popsicle stand now. I don't really like popsicles. I just realized how dirty all of this was. Haha. Shush. Esp. you Marky-Mark-Jimbo kid. Over and out... |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Hello. Earlier entry lost. Not in the mood, but how common is that these days? This is for Dove. I'm sorry. *Holds you*...it's alright... To Chances at Life You're dancing so graceful with my libido and grieving– your head held high, your warm chest heaving. Come sit with me on the roof roleplay under imaginary Stars. I couldn't catch your spirit in a hundred thousand jars. All I wanted was to suck the salt from your TeArStAiNd SoUl. All you really needed was to be controlled. Your wish has become a demon's command. The ounce of angel in him kisses your hand. Hand over your little TeArStAiNd SoUl and he'll protect you, he'll console. This tears me up inside like a sugar hurricane. Jesus Christ, what I'd give to make out with you in the rain. In a field of Venus Fly Traps and daisies, your sweet insanity radiates among all the crazies. I'll wear your halo around my ring finger and glow. Your smile melts the Krystil frost, let's watch the world overflow. Wrapped in Matt's white shirt, a fallen Dove. Such a perfect target for my unworthy love. So unworldly, you traipse the mall. Like a stupid Star, I stumble and fall. (But only for you) I come unglued. Your adhesive heart, all the sticky things you do. You're like an illness, invading everyone's cells. Focusing in on your stillness, eyes filling fast like wells. Like drugs to the bloodstream, I've held on to you, but the only trip I get is a guilt trip from you. The razors that you cut with are still in your possession. Snug in your pocket despite your confession. These cuts on my stomach don't hurt so bad anymore. This pain is a million times worse than before. Like all 99 red balloons, I have to let you go. So take your feathers, your razors, your tiny halo. I'll stay here and forever obsess. A broken heart is better than none, I guess. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Sam...look, I really still like you...so damn much. I don't know what do act like around you...You just get me all screwed up inside. Blech. I am sitting here, it's just after midnight, and I am about to go to sleep because I am not even supposed to be on the computer but I am pist because I went to print a binder-size version of my book and the printer dies right on poem like 29 or something so now I have to wait or I have to print it off Dad's (When he's not around, of course) or I don't knwo what I am going to do. I'd have someone else do it for me or priint it upstairs if Mom wil let me tomorrow, but she doesnt even wan me turning on this damn computer tomorrow because it is dying so bad. No sound will work on it even. I am sick and tired of Jamie stealing all my fucking shit. I am. Patt is being all pissy at me and I dont know whay and I cant stand that. Someone, anyone, telling me to leave them alone for any reason makes me want to cry so very badly...that's what I am going to run off and do. I have bad cramps, and not only that, but I want to vomit so badly. I'm not in good shape here, guys. I hope Ma just let's me sleep tomorrow because I need it. Bad. -Bang' |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I love Atmosphere. So much. Once again, I don't really feel like typing, but I'll leave this window minimized and keep coming back to it...this morning I was wicked like, blech. Well, I might as well say this afternoon. I didn't get up until after 12. No, I am not about to start up about my dreams. Way too weird, and way too many of them. Wo. Seriously, folks. But yeah, this morning I was about to smoke one of Matt's cigarettes. I didn't because not only is that disgustingly gross, but I know myself, I 'd become instantly addicted and because I like being able to mean it when I say I've never smoked anything in my life at all...ever. (And I dont ever plan on it!) Tithe has hit a dull spot. I need to get through this book, need some more focus. It really is that great, it is! GOD LOVES UGLY! Yesterday I had the WORLDS WORST cramps. Omg, I have never had cramps that bad before, it was WEIRD. It sucks. Last night I must have dont something severly wrong because 1. Sam wasn't wearing the bracelet...i guess i didn't really expect her to, but still. 2. she wouldnt even let me say goodbye. i like her so much, but i always seem to screw something up. I cant type great, my computer is being slow my apologies. i think i'm just gonna let you go. i guess. god loves ugly. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I don't really wanna explain this all. Mike, this is all screwed up. Be with Krystil. I mean, I wasn't expecting you to be with me or anything...but God. And now Dove is all...I don't even know. Got 2 Atmosphere CDs. In love. I don't know what else I sould really say, NO MATT. No. I got matt's cigs so he can't smoke them. I will probably throw them out. They are bad. I showed off my *paintings tonight. No one knows where they came from...not the surface of my skin, not my veins.... that *paint was out of my fucking SOUL. My heart...(no wonder it hurts so bad lately...LITERALLY...im not even kidding.) Tithe is so good, Oliver's doing alright. Oochie wally wally. I'm gonna just leave it at that. I want to VoMiT. -BangBang |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Sadness is disgusting. Misery is an ugly, wretched, twisted, sick beast. Pain is so gross. It is NOT EXQUISITE. It is NOT BEAUTIFUL. Today, *cSHEc* said something like 'Death is a beautiful thing, embrace it.' While these girls were huddled under an umbrella in the rain, one of them was on a cell phone. They were haveing a moment of silence because someone died. And *cSc* was MOCKING them by doing what she always does...she was trying to be noticed as so dark. It's not her and she can't see that because she has not felt real pain, no real suffering. Wait until someone she loves to death dies... Then let her see how BEAUTIFUL it is, when her loved one is rotting six feet underground with maggots crawling through their eyes and ears and out their nose. While the worms lay eggs in their belly button and people through their McDonald's bags and cigarette butts on the ground above them, making the soil so filthy that nothing could ever grow their again to be lessed with even a blade of grass or a dandelion. When she wanted to go see them and give her best wishes the tears will burn her eyes out and make her a thousand times more wretched than she is, and she'll have to squat down on a patch of nothing but dirt to look at her reflection in the tombstone-her reflection...the ugly rotten dirty 'beautiful' death she wants to be so badly...which, by the way, is covered in grafitti. I hope she has nightmares about an angel that will come and kiss her on the mouth and then vomit on her, sickened by all the death-germs on her lips. And that angel will twist and gnarl its limbs all up and she will become a gross, knotted wreck that will strangle her with happiness and she will scream because she thinks it's music when she sings...and then the angel-beast will remind her how when she wanted a nickname so bad I said I'd call her 'Misery' and from then on she chopped off al her hair and her face broke out in a thousand death-blemishes (which scarred like bite marks from a cherub) and she started wearing beaded jewelry along with her ankhs...the essences of which choke her while they swing from her thickening neck because they mean LIFE LIFE LIFE. and all she thinks she wants to do is be beautiful. she was, until she decided to maim herself into horridness and then scream at the living for not loving it. The only way now, that she can be beautiful, is deep underground, with all the maggots and worms wriggling through her stinking rotting flesh and she'll try to smile with her disgusting fossil jaw while the living, the truly gorgeous, drive by. She thinks they adore her, when really they just bless her with their cigarette butts and trash and gag at the sight of her stupid patch of dirt because that is what she wanted. Death. How exquisite is that? |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Today has been a day full of omens, good and bad, I think, though I am not sure. This morning I went with Mom to see the new house... -The little old lady in the shoe thing in the kitchen -Mom's shirt -The windshield wipers -'Poison Ivy' ...I have something and mom thinks it's poison ivy and it's weird and I bet it's just an allergic reaction but I don't know. We drove back to her house, I got cream stuff, ate... -Mom got a call from Matt....something happened. There was a fire in the kitchen...in the panic, someone dropped the baby and he stopped breathing...they took him to the emergency room, Matt had to go to Fitchburg, Dad was all shooken up, Jackie stayed with Nic at the house. That's all I knew. I cried. School...showed up for C block, Spanish. Nothing that happened then was significant enough for me to explain. D-realized I didn't have my story stuff on me, couldn't read in that class, so I just sat there. E-tested...but that class never changes. F-sat and read and fell so deeply into Tithe...oh my God. Why did I think Sweetblood could be my favorite book. Wow. Went out to the bus, it was so very very late. Forget the rest of the omens I guess.... Dad came home with Deb and he told us in detail what happened, I will not explain it here...we all bawled so much, my head hurts so very very bad and my hands itch...My stomach hurts of hunger somehow, eben though I have been eating like a PIG, but oh well. Cramps, PMS, the works. You know how it is. I don't have much time, this typing is like, bleccch...I can't focus, see...I have to keep hitting the backspace key. Over and over. I'm gonna wrap this up. I'll be at the hospital all night with Oliver...so you can try to call me, but I can't use the cell phone inside the hospital, so depending on where I am I may or may not get to talk to you...depending on whether or not I am home before 9:30, I may or may not get back to you, to like, explain last night and tonight and everything. Well, whatever. Scratch that (heh heh) because I doubt I'll be home in time anyway. Really do. I'll be alright guys...it's just really scary when someone you love gets hurt, ya know? There are things in his brain or something they are watching and he will be there over night. Well, I cant bear this stupid journal any more. And I'm off.... |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I just absolutely had to get back to you. Journal time, much needed. I just found one really old mix cd and I am listening to 'Take On Me' and I just realized that I really always have loved this song, it's up there with Konstantine, ya know. Take on me.....Take on me....Take me onnnnn, (Take on me) I'll be gonnnnnnnne. do do do dooooooooooo. I really am feeling so insightful or whatevfer, I won't share, and just for that Matt will comment saying that I should say because he actually cares. Mhm. Sure, Matt. You may actually be the only one. I dont even care. Amy just said we have 10 minutes before take off, so I thought I'd get back to you. Um, I just went out in the garage to close the big door, and there was a box cutter on the table and my breath got all stuck in my throat. I am listening to Default now. I miss this stuff so much. Not all of it, mind you, but whatever. I am so tired. I think I'll fall asleep in the car, but I want to read, so I hate that...falling alseep reading. Unless I'm trying to, ya know. Anyway, I'm gonna go now to go wash up and cool down and change and pack (?) and eat and all of the bare (hehe) necesseties of life. Plus someone just IMed me. Okay, you can have summore love id you want, -Vlad- |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Darn is a funny word, darn it. I am all hot and sweaty (but you already knew that)...seeing as you are too. Tougie CARRIED me home from the bus today. Well, not all the way, but when I asked him to I wasn't serious. It was cool. Tougie's a good kid. I am so tired, but I will not complain. I finished The Sisterhood book today, and yeah, it's good, I will admit. I am going to read Tithe now I think, I don't really want to, but this is one damn book I am judging by it's absolutely breathtaking cover. I hope I get to the library on Sat. just to filter out the books I've already read, cuz I have way too many in line for once. I am sleeping with Hilary's mom. Haha. Nevermind. I gotta go to Alyssa's bday thingy tonight in CT, which is good because I will get lots of reading time, and that's what I am really looking forward to. Plus, get ready to laugh aloud...I just said aloud. No but seriously...think about the date. Screw the 200 part. June 9...June is the 6th month. (You: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAAH HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA AHHAAHAHAHA Megan you are TOO MUCH!!! *Doubling over in laughter* HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA *gasping for air* hahahahahahahah ahahahah!!! hahah!!!! Hey wait *suddenly catching your breath*...that is so hot, [like you, Megan, of course] and it turns me on [like you, Megan, DUH] and so I am going to go find someone hot [like you, Megan...if anyone compares....hmm...screw it, where the hell are ya?!?!?!?] and have one. Adios.) Me: You wish. You: Nuh uh, you wish. Me: Neh, that'k okay babe. I'd fall asleep. You: Nuh uh, you wi--wait, what? Me: *collapses* El scenario neato. Actually so realistic-o. Erm, ok, that reminds me, I had a kind of out-thurr day. 1st block, B-laid on the stage with katie (:-D) and josh and pretrended to do homework...omg i hope i dont forget to actually do this one because I will miss the class time to do it tm!! oh no!! oh well. C-SUNG...no...ACTED OUT AND SUNG 'HEAD, SHOULDERS, KNEES, and TOES'...well, in Spanish. Therefore it is: 'Cabeza, Hombros, Piernas, Pies.' It's sad I know that, is it? *Punches you in the fucking face*...jerk. Mike Gilligan like...oh never mind, you had to be there. D-slept. Wrote...*cough HER cough* a note about hoe she tries WAY too hard to be profound in her poetry and if every other words is 9-11 letters long, who the hell will get the meaning of the poem? It's not poetry if there can be no personal interpretation for the reader, unless it is completely for the poet and no one else. But she flaunts it, therefore, it just dies. E-I was offered 2nd lunch as well as 3rd because of the big BDAY last week, but I loathe lunch, so I got on the computer instead, expecting I would be able to come on here and write and make up for all the lost time or whatever. But Blogger was down and I was PIST. Lunch-I am sleeping with Hilary's mom, lol. Long story. I went outside to all the smoker's new spot or whatever, I dont know, I dont keep tabs on dumb things like that. But anyway, everyone was there and it was cool and Maureen was there and I tried not to think about her because she has a boyfriend (Some Tom, I dont know...) and also Brenda was there, and her presence makes me feel like I'm not supposed to like Maureen. I don't actually really know why. I have to go really soon to leave for CT. o yeah, so F, I just sat and read, no one was doing anything. Stupid lock thing again. G-read, STAYED AWAKE...I know, I never cease to amaze myself. Got to last page of the Sisterhood, the bell rang. Broke a bracelet, sucked, funny, hahah. Went home, the end. Now I am sitting here, covered in sweat and jewels...I feel like Claire...does this mean I will die? (This is weird.) I am going to get going though, I will get back to you, my lovelies, if I am home and concious before 9:30...doubt it, but theres always the chance. I doubt Mike reads this, but if ya do, Call me... This is me turning it all off like the radio. Nevermind. Cuz I guess you'll probably see me again... whether you get it or not, you no one you. Find me. Static or wherever. Love and Sex, minus the sex... -vlad today- |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I have so much to say but I have approx. 7 minutes before computer curfew, at which time I have to call greg back and then see if Mike called. I really do have a lot to say. I went to Cookie's graduation just now, then Wendy's which i hate, but o well, and Creepy Kid graduated and I was proud yay, I told him haha ur still creepy but congrats man. N Melissa too...that was cool, she's so pretty. I didn't get to talk to her, or even make eye contact for that matter, but that's okay. Her energy stuck with me (and I don't even have my crystal on me!)...I am wearing NICE clothing, which I may or may not puruse at one point or another. I have this flowery pink thing on with the neck that goes all the way down so your boobs fall out and all the decent people wear like a white camisole under it. I considered not, my boobs havent fallen out of any kind of shirt in a while, but I guess I have some kind of ounce of like self respect or something...I know. A second ago I was freezing, now I'm sweating like gross so I might as well go. like 2 minutes left (I wasted most of my time typing the approx.) ...I really do have a lot to say. I started a paper journal, heh heh...but yep. I guess I need it with this hectic life ive been living somehow. Gonna go medicate and ringaling the peeps. (shoot me). I really gotta go now though. I promise, I will get back to this sometime this week and type a full-fledged entry about everything annd nothing all at once, like old times. Until then... ciao. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | This whole, not going to the library thing is really screwing me all up. With like this journal and such, and getting back into the swing of lunches. Plus today Eric (N) like plastered me with mustard. First ketchup, now mustard....i dont even wanna know whats next. Today I worked with dad on the ice cream truck and that is some crazy shit. We saw jess, that was cool. I have a paper that was due this morning, that I haven't even looked at really, and I got out of being in that period because of a dr. appt...that's cool...(she wants to put me on sleep pills now too....*rolls eyes*) Yesterday we went to Osgood's and I talked mom into buying little bits of 12 diff. fabrics to make this skirt out of, right, even though it's made with 12 pieces youre supposed to only do it in like one color or whatever but it doesnt matter, so me and kayla picked out a buncha crazy peices and miraculously they all fit really well and all like scream MEGAN ot VLAD or ELFiE or STAR or whatever you call me. But they do. It's about 1/2 made, and let me tell you Missy, it is a TON of work, but o man it will be worth it...i mean look at the pieces: -Fairies on black -lime green with like spiders and spiderwebs -Polka dots of like all diff. colors on white -a comic strip one and in one of the boxes its like 'WHAT ABOUT ME JEFF?' and he's like 'WELL...YOUR COOKING STINKS!!' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. -one with a bunch of cats and cat faces -kinds tye-dye-ish darkish green and forest green -deep magenta with black vines all on it -my fav...a black one with like figures of people dancing that are like neon tyedye ish -grand prix lookin one, black and white checkers -tye dye hearts -blue stars -purple with bats i know, sexy. i gotta go work on it. MATT IF YOU ARE READING THIS, CALL ME. I NEED A REALLY HUMUNGOUS FAVOR that involves my stupid paper. You love me, so ya know. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Gotta go, though, all...Josh T is annoying and I hate his shoe. Have a nice life, I'll be around as soon as possible, my lovelies. Adios. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I am bored. Actually I'm not. I'm only here because I went to go put a new poem in MAiM *curtsy* and entered this blog by habit. But I figured while I'm here I might as well write. Ok, Mistress was messed up so bad and I was mad at her yesterday but she gave me this poem and it made me cry. So I told her FUCK YOU because I was so mad that she keeps telling me I am her angel and asking me to save her, and then doing all of that shit over and over. (nOW I KNOW WHY...thats another story) but anywho...we tend to communiate thru poetry, so here goes. I wrote the following as a response to hers...: 'Mistress, this is for you and no one else. The only thing in disguise has been my fear. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough to save you. Maybe I've been so deaf to hear. Or maybe you just don't scream for me anymore. Maybe you don't ask for my assistance. I think that the drugs are just locks and chains and you've grown too weak to resist it. But I don't know what it is exactly, so I don't know what to say. If you still think I'm perfect, I still think you're wrong, but I'll stay here anyway. Let me know...' and then she wrote me back with: 'Here I go again crying over your words what was there to scare me into doing this These drugs lock me inside my nothing When I tried to scream I lost my breath just like I lost my heart you Its hard to know whats real anymore Mademoiselle I love you and I need whether I can say it out loud or not I am waiting Angel take me away and save me....' and last night I wrote her a wicked one that is in my bimder sumwhere (ill type it later...maybe...its kinda....INTENSE) but yeah, I just commented in her journal where she put the above poems with this: 'Mistress, you've done nothing wrong, unless you consider breathing a sin. Though the air you inhale is filthy and dry, You can blow it back out again. And anyway last night I sat, huddled in the corner of my room, smoking one of Matt's cigarettes and writing a poem for you. It was about feelings and the way I want to fall. It was about passion and the turquoise of your walls. It was about the joint that I'd wish you'd pass to me for once. It was about breaking through the locks that have held me for months. But I don't want to go back, I just want you to step up with me. I don't want that shit to bind you. I just wish I could set you free.....' ans that it what I was going to put in MAiM. *DUCKS* but now i am going to die. I am a hypocrite. Aye, I'm sorry guys, it was so gross. Im sorry Im sorry!! EW EW I feel dirty, I feel like BLECH. And my room smells weird now. Last night I kissed Creepy Kid. I think I should go now cuz um...yeah, paranoia like wo. CRIKEY. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | That is the best quote ever. Ever ever ever. It is from Witch Baby in Francesca Lia Block's Witch Baby. She is so wild and viscious and awesome. I didn't write yesterday, and dammit, I forgot my skirt at mom's so i could wear 'THE HIGH HEELS' dum dum dum I'll find suttin tonight. WHoooie. Long last coupla no school days. 1/2 tm, the last. Bored, tho i gtg. i love witch baby, she is neat. Have fun wishin this was longer. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | This song is so awesomeish. Yeah. Today I had 2 finals, then went with Brian to the mall...it was rad. Gnarly. Tubular, yeah! We sat around on this hollow* bench outside fer like ever and I was seeing airplanes that supposedly were'nt there but omg I swear to god they were!! And we kept walking past that LOTR Orlando Bloom cardboard cutout guy and omg it kept reminding me of Roiben cuz of mostly just his long hair, even though Roiben isn't blonde. BRIAN BOUGHT ME THAT BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG I Have to pay him back for it, I dont care what he says. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG it is my BIBLE. I like green tea now. Brb. Hi sorry. That took like, ferever and a day to help out dad with the truck and dinner and stuff. Anywho...erm... I'll come back later. Too bizzy. Later. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I want a knight. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | This song gets randomly stuck in my head these days. It used to make me think of Jess and her Steve, but now it makes me think of Mike. Mike, Mike, Mike. And at the resteraunt, I finished TITHE. HOLY CRAP . The very last page, while reading it, the HUGEST GRIN spread across my face and I couldn't get it off. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. I mean, WOW. This whole KNIGHTS-ARE-MY-LASTEST-INFATUATION thing is like, the best. You have NO IDEA. I am in love. I want this book to go on and on and screw Kaye, I want it to be all about Roiben. At first I hated Roiben and like LOVED Naphamael, but now it's completely backwards. Well, Naphamael's hotter, still, no matter what, with his skin all burned from the iron eyebrow ring. :-D :-D and the cloak of thorns, wo. But still, I love Roiben to Death now. I want him. I wish I could make him so very very very very very very very very real. Hehehe. I really really love Roiben. I bet I will dream about him and everything. Ew, the Ironsiders called him ROBIN. haha, it takes way too much away from him. He is so very elegant. So loyal, so...commandable. Wow. I am so head over heels for a character in a book. Hahaha. Oh well, it's fun to be in love. I can't get my heart broken this way, can I? I don't believe in brokenness, so I guess not. I very much believe in Roiben. Wo. Wo wo wo. :-D I am so like, wow. I think I should shut up because this is probably annoying. Tonight at the resteraunt, our waitress reminded me way too much of Kerry. Ick. And um, let's see...I made a grown, perhaps married, man smile. It was so like, cool. My hands are actually starting to hurt, believe it or not. Alrighty, I'll be back soon. Have fun WISHING YOU HAD SOMEONE LIKE MY ROIBEN!! Ciao. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Indie has ^this^ song in her profile. Everytime I look at her profile, it makes me think of Jess and Mike, back in the day, before I even met Mike, like...the night before or something. No, more than that, but still. Matt, my day was FINE. Shut up, boy. Argh. I want to be a knight now. I really do. The only real knight I know is Brian...wo. *Shudder* Dude, no seriously. I wicked want to be a night. Roiben (I almost used his full name *grimace*) has completely changed me. You guys HAVE to read this book. It is better than Sweetblood, which, I have to get back from the Tougster. I can actually sit and type for maybe 5, 10 more minutes, but I think I would like to go finish up Tithe. JC, I am in love with Roiben. That's weird, cuz I DESPISED him at first. He's my ideal character though...like, not like my dream guy, but I see like every character I've ever created in him. It's awesome. I think thats the best I can explain it. I am not worrying about capitals or anything from this point forward because my pinky hurts and id rather not keep it that way. Ok, here I go....adios. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | It's suddenly wicked hot in this room. (It's cause I walked in)...heh, today yo no va a la escuela until son las diez porque los examenes. Es fantastica! Then I took one exam, history, and left, tryin to find a ride home. I just got Cook to come and get me and Egypt came over and we chilled and like, sat around tryin to make her site. All the while we were talking to Brian online and LUCIEN FROM BD!!!!!!!! (AYE, we told him we were groupies n he was like 'sry cant talk to no groupies' ahahaha) anyway, WOW. Okay, so Brian. I have slowly been realizing that I really like him again, like I used to, but we're good friends. Well, we were. I dont know, things change, all cuza last halloween. :-/ I still feel like crap about that. I miss just chillin with him after school and stuff. Those were the good old days...catchin hispanic frogs named enrique and juan carlos and steven. Yep, miss it. And sittin around watching 7th Heaven and Mary Kate and Ashley reruns...hahahahahaha (NOT). But yep, really miss it. I don't know. I talked to Sam yesterday. Everyone I really like is like, not there. They all have someone else or don't want anything now, and I don't either really, but like, blah. I like having someone there who CARES, ya kno? Sam said how she doesn't wanna be with anyone because being single rocks and u can kiss anyone u want well yah...but thats not all true. I mean, I couldnt kiss her when I wanted to and I was single...etc. I couldn't kiss Maureen, cuz of TOM. All of that. I think I have to finish later, we are taking Cookie to dindin fer grad. partay! Not that I am excited or anything... Don't feel like oochiein' or wallyin', sry. If yer readin this, plz comment, I could use a little lovin'. (The regular kind.) Perv. TITHE is awesome. Roiben makes me think of Brian. (Wo.) I just realized how much I bet Roiben is my fav. character in the book...maybe even over Corny and Gristle. Wanna chill all week after exams. Let me know. If you care. Blech. Over and out. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | SicTransitHero:You're single. BrokenPromises13:uh duh BrokenPromises13:been single for a week SicTransitHero:and I'm single. BrokenPromises13:yea SicTransitHero::-D BrokenPromises13:lol, im not datin anyone right now babe BrokenPromises13:just bein single for a bit BrokenPromises13:cuz i have finally realized being single rocks cuz i can kiss anyonei want SicTransitHero:...yeah BrokenPromises13:including *K*r*i*s* and *T*a*y*l*o*r* and *y*o*u* SicTransitHero:...yeah BrokenPromises13:alright whatdid i do now God. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I am so sick. Sick sick sick. Sickety sickety sickness. Blech. ˆThis is not gnarly. † ew. I ˙have˙ approx. 49 minutes. Lookit... î ¬ø√é ¥øü. Can you read that? That is soooo pretty. :-) You know it. ¥éß îñ∂éé∂¥. Hehe. I dont exactly have anything important to say, except last night I had another crazy dream. 'Where everything was exactly how it seemed, there was never any mystery of who shot John F Kennedy. It was, just a man with somehing to prove. Slightly bored and severly conused...' sorry, that's TPS. Reminded me of that. LOOKIT the abcs.... å ∫ ç ∂ é ƒ © ˙ î ∆ ˚ ¬ µ ñ ø π œ ® ß † ü √ ∑ ≈ ¥ Ω. ñø∑ î ˚ñø∑ µ¥ å∫çß, ñé≈† †îµé ∑øñ† ¥øü ßîñ© ∑î†˙ µé¡ Okay, enough of this grimey. I am going to go copy all of my stuff onto my Jaz disc because this computer is dying. I am not liking this. I want internet in my new room. Hopefully I will get it. Hopefully. 'I'M STEALING YOUR GIRL NAMED HOPE.' |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | NOBODY WANTS TO BE LONELY NOBODY WANTS TO CRY MY BODY'S LONGING TO HOLD YOU SO BAD IT HURTS INSIDE!! TIME IS PRECIOUS AND IT'S SLIPPING AWAY AND I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ALL OF MY LIFE NOBODY WANTS TO BE LONELY, SO WHY, WHY, WHY WON'T YOU LET ME LOVE YOU? Last night, EL carnival, long story...took a long time to get there, had to go to nic's little kids clubhouse place and listen to 'hickory dickory dock' over and over and over and over and stare at pictures of angelina jolie (WOOOOOOW) fer an hour before we were off to greg's uncles fer directions and we still got wicked lost on the way to the carnival but ok to make a long story short here's the summary of what happened las night thru to this mornin as told to Matt like 2 seconds ago: i went to the el carnival that everyone was at and i was loopy on this prozac n like all my worst enemies were there so me and greg and maureen and this kid derek who maureen is like in love with who is like one of my new best friends despite the fact that he has the same name as my backpack, we left and drove around, ended up at chill spot where i freaked out cuz i was so fuckin jealous of maureen n this kid so everyone flipped n drama drama drama n then we had to SPEED Like all hell back to the carnival to get maureen back to get picked up thurr and then we hung out in the car n talked till i had to be home n i got home n said goodnight to amy and shes like 'megan' and i turned around n shes like 'you smoked' n i was like 'ya' n started bawlin but we talked and talked about it n it was ok and then my dad came home and i told him, i wouldnt let him hear it from anyone else n he was real cool with it and glad it made me wanna puke n then this morning i callededed my mom at work n told her n she actually didnt flip she was glad i was honest n told her and stuff which was my intention and they all just said its ultimately my desicion but please dont smoke its bad u will die the end there's a lot more to it than that, but so what. it was my night, not yers. So thurr! Okies, well I now come to learn that Maureen and Derek are dating and I just want to cry. I like them both, I love Maureen to death, I shoulda just took her when I coulda, before she moved on from CaliBoys to Ravers. 'because no one mopes for days in heaven, do they?' |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I am listening to this slow song on the FINCH cd, I'm not sure what it's called, but its pretty and slow and its the kind of music I want Ironside to be so bad. Did I write yesterday? Oh yeah, but it got deleted...gr....ok. So here's what's up...I went to this new psychiatrist in the am yesterday and she's cool tho her boobs were like hanging out but whatever she put me on Prozac now, and I just took my 1st pill, so I'm wondering how tonight will go. Tonight I am going to the EL Carnival with Greg and Derek and the cool Derek (hehe) and we're gonna meet up with Mistress. Um, hmm..o ya I remember. Um, ok I remember the el carnival 2 summers ago, the summer of Kerry (last summer I worked at the cape all summer) and I went with Kerry and this kid Pat Boss who I have the best story about. Anyway, I could tell you what I was wearing that night cuz I remember it so much. Pat Boss, one of those one hit wonder kinda boys, ya meet em, ya crush, ya hook up, ya flirt A LOT, ya wanna go out but u have no idea if you could consider it a relationship. Aka, SUMMA LUVIN!! But yeah. Pat's sn was BOSS404. That's where my obsession with the number 404 started way back in the day. It didnt mean anything then, but things change, ya know? I got to go eat lunch, be back. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I JUST LOST ANOTHER FUCKING NOVEL WORTH OF JOURNAL! OMG!! IT WAS SO LONG, AND IT WAS AN IMPORTANT ONE TOO! This is why she put me on Prozac. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I am listening to the Rascal Flatts MELT cd and it is SOO good! I have been listening to this and Chris Cagle soo much ('cuz the chicks dig it') aye aye aye! Ok so after I finished writing in here yesterday, Mistress and I walked and we ended up that Blue Moon coffee roasters and Stephanie was thurr with (her mom?) HAHA ITS TUESAY! Anyway, Mistress got this Raspberry Italian Soda and it was mad good and then we tried to play chackers with the big huge chess pieces on the big chess table but didnt realize that you could only put your pieces on the black squares and you could only move diagonally. Hahaha. Then we found a regular size checkers so it was ok and we playsed and i was like kinged 9 times on one guy n she was gettin mad but she had all my guys n i had only jumped like one of hers hahaha and i stacked em so high that when i needed a knew one i took the chess knight (;-)) hahahaha. It was fun. *BOYS ON BIKES* hahahahahaha and then we walked back and blick and then we were at moms n we hung out in my room listening to Rotten Fun and Echo Echo Echo Echo Echo Echo Echo and then her mom came and picked her up and then I did all my usual unsort and resort my binder type cumpulsions until greg called and saved me and i felt like rambling so i described in excruciating detail like every last item in my room hahahaha. It was fun. but then we talked for real, about this CD we're making, about like personal shit, all kinds of things, whatever, ya know. Then I almost fell asleep so we got off the phone and then I was gonna call matt but it wasn't all that late. I haven't heard or seen from him...i told him about the flameling, right?? I think so...but not the other? O hell, I dont know. WOULD SOMEONE JUST START COMMENTING FOR REAL ON MY STUPID JOURNAL!? I sit here and type this all out fer my fans and i want some luvin back guys, come on. Why should I have to do all the work?? LOL. Rascal Flatts are good. Ok so Mom just got all pissy cuz i couldnt wake up at 6m like thats anything new *rolls eyes* aye aye aye. I miss school already. Yesterday was a blast though. It truly was. I want every day of my summer to be like that. I have to make plans today for tomorrow and thursday and everything. This morning I have to go get an evaluation from my psychiatrist. Some new lady or something...I hope that I don't start bawling. I'm sick of happy pills. I am. Aye, I wanna be normal again!!!! (I never thought I'd say that...) but really. I don't know. I guess the summer will help, it better. IT BETTER!! IT really BETTER! Otherwise, arrrgh. Nah, it will. Hanging out with Greg and Mistress and Derek now too I guess, it will be fun. They're like my bestest friends ever. Even more than Matt and Dove and Indie now because I don't see them as much and now they don't go to the mall anymore because Indie got kicked out or whatever...so BLAH. SO yeah, Derek and Mistress are like the new vinny and tasia of that little group i LOVED But i am warning both of them right now if they sit in the back and make out to the point of almost screwing i will go find that guy that had that chainsaw and steal it. AYE. Mistress, ehh, you know what I said about it yesterday. I meant that. Yeah apparently Derek was like freaking out that Mistrss liked him or thought he was cute or whatever. He is so getting the there-is-no-way-in-hell-you-are-hurtin-my-baby-or-i-really-truly-will-get-that-chainsaw talk from me next time i see him. He wants greg to give me his number so i can give it to her, and vice versa. Haha, what if we don't? HAHAHA. It's weird that one of my new best friends has the same name as my backpack. That will get weird. Esp. pppl that know us they will be like 'why does ur backpack say DEREK on it?' o wait...THEY ALREADY DO THAT!! HAHA. Anyways, yeah. I found all my old rough drafts of Is It Raining in California? and it made me miss Ant a lot but oh well, right? Wait till we actually make the stupid song (if) and then let him hear it. HAHAH. Dad's in the shower, and I'm willing to bet when he gets out he'll wanna talk about something or other, and then I'm gonna have to pull a superman and like change wicked fast and then go. Aye am I gonna miss Derek today. (THE BACKBACK, GUYS. shush) Eh, whatever, I guess. I hope this appt. isn't like blech. Like, I hope she's just like are you sad? Okay cool bye. Not like Have you done this in the last 13.6 hours and have you done this at all ever and was it good? Haha, nah, But I hope its not like dad is sitting there either. I don't think so, cuz Dr.K asked him to leave, but whatever. Its not talk therapy, so that's good, I don't like talking about my feelings unless I am trying to save someone else or something like that. Yeah.....blah. It's 8:21, my appt. is at 9, but ya know how Dad is. (or do you?) Aye...I better get going now. I hope you are all happy that I am writing regular size entries again. YOU'RE WELCOME!!! (to leave a comment) mwahaha. :-D :-D Lata Gata. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Today was so gnarly!! Ok I wokeded up and went to the padres and then went upstairs n realized i had no bra hahaha and then i found one n i was happy n then i went downstairs to go sit outside and read n get all tan and sexy and whatnot and then like as I was walkin out dad was all like raaarrrr you need to stop being depressed and crying all the time!! and I'm like what? Dad, im in a good mood. and hes like cummere were gonna talk and so i sat in the office chair and he sat in the big black one and amy was on the phone in the fuckin room where we were tryin to talk (grr) and the babe's in the background like wailing and no one would help him so i bury my head in my knees and dad gets all mad like roar LOOK AT ME AND STOP CRYING im like dad!! LOOK AT ME !! I AM NOT CRYING! I AM TRYING TO BE IN A GOOD MOOD!!! aye aye aye. Urm so anywho he leaves fer ding dongin and i go on the computer n start werkin on the site and talking to *this person who i am not supposed to have talked to apparently and we had a convo about the flameling and the smokeling that have come to haunt me because of what I did...speaking of, ok I havent yet explained this. A flameling is an extremely strong spirit that dances and dances, basking in the victims shame. It is extrememly hard to summon a flameling, even by accident. But it was so beautiful and hypnotizing as it danced and danced in my driveway and i couldnt shut my window I just watched and watched and as it spun and twirled the sparks that flew from its head twisted and melted into stars and the stars burst and erupted and WOW....wow wow wow. A real flameling. So eloquent. But badness...aye, when a flameling leaves you a smokeling will soon visit you and thats what happened last night. I was in the shower and she was there and she was hissing and viscious and then fierce and her little fangs glittered in the little bit of light. But I was so scared. THANK GODDESS smokelings cant come near water because it was terrifying!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG Finally I got her into that crystal and now its freezing cold because of her and I couldnt look in the mirror at all!! I caught a glimpse of myself in the glass of the window and it wasn't me...it was her!!! It was so bad. I tried calling Matt over and over because of the whole Flameling/Smokeling ~ demon thing. I wanted to know if there was anything ever (liek a weird energy or something) between him and demon ever, b/c there has to be a reason I call him Flameling before I even saw this one. I am really scared. Ok so anyway on to the regular stuff. Greg came and got me at dads and we went ova and got Derek in ludlow and then we went to the mall for all of 5 min to get Greg some adapter-y thingy. Then we drove and drove and Derek smoked and smoked and Greg smoked a clove *bows* and he blew all the smoke in my face *EW* and then we went to mcdonalds and got like a bazillion different things and we stopped in a 'chill spot' on the side of the highway and Steve was there hahahahaha in his car, eatin mcdonalds too!!! AHAHAHA! And then we just kinda chilled and me and greg talked and then they all went to set up greg's shit in the back so he could spin records, it was hot, random, but hot. And then like I smoked and it was gross but whatever, I kinda needed to get it out of my system. Blech. But ok then we called Mistress and went and got her (even tho we got lost haha) and we saw dads truck n i was hidin n then we got dropped off and mom as like 'ew *mistress* do u smoke' n we''re like...umm....derrrrek (WHO MISTRESS IS LIKE OBESSESSING OVER! AyE!) he's kind cute but hes 14 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA that is the funniest ever.! Anyways I'm gonna go cuz she is still here and I betcha I am pissing her off. Oopsies. I luv ya anywho...CRiKEY! Over n out |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | http://www.freewebs.com/thissictransition/HeavenOnEarth.htm Look at that. Please. (I hope you see this, Mistress. Or is that smokeling ~ demon in yer way again? |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | My feelings are all out of whack right now. Really all...screwed up and twisted and tangled. Greg left fer NY tonight, but we hung out fer a bit at the mall and talked and yep. Then they left (greg derek paul) and i hung out with this girl Kelsey who i dont really know but whatever because shes pretty and shes wicked cool and she gets me and thats gnarly. But then guess who i see.....................................loverboy. i kno its him because he is with gremlin and i kno what gremlin looks like without a doubt so i knew it was him so i went over n whutever, but like all night he barely looked at me, barely said a word to me, always just walked away from wherever i was.........and so inside (WWAAYY deep inside) i was sooo crushed but i didnt let it show too much, didnt let it bring me down because i figured i was just overreacting and being stupid and expecting more or something, i dont know. it just ate away at me inside...it felt like crap. and then Mistress was high n like ehhhh and it seemed like she was avoiding me really bad because she didnt say a word to me and didnt look me in the eye or anything, i dont know. i wgot home, Jesus brought me home, i was playin wit baby jesus in the back and she is so cool!! i luv her!! n jesus was like ima come in n meet yer parents so he came in and just talkedededed ferever and whatever then he left to walk home and mom asked me what was that kid smoking? hahaha. And then i ate some poptarts, the goooood kind, and then went online and talked to Mistress and she said she only didnt talk to me and stuff was because se thought i didnt wanna talk to her cuz he was high, which is true, but i was supposed to sleep over her house tonight and i was going to ask her out so there i go being REALLY crushed. egypt was there and creepy kid and amber and egypt and thats all the important people that i havent mentioned yet i think. HOLY MOTHER i am moving next week guys! ew, not going to think about it. cookie's pist i was writing on his shirts hahahah so my I LOVE BUNNIES one he Xed out the LOVE and wrote hate and then after he wrote AND THEIR MAMAS hahahahaha i was like cook, do u not get that that just makes the shirt that much better? haha. so anyway, my feelings are all out of whack for them peoples, and i dont know about loverboy...gotta talk to him...i wanna be with Mistress so bad. I think. I DONT EVEN KNOW ANYMORE!!!! rraarr rraarr rraarr. I just need to know what people are feeling about me at this point, so i can stop thinking this way. I'm just sitting here, AGAIN, spinning in this dumb black chair, waiting. AND MA IS PLAYING TONY HAWK UNDERGROUND. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Omg I cannot even begin to explain movie marathon with my Mistress, wo. Omg, like...wow. 12 hours, 9am to 9pm...7 movies...ok ready here they go ghost ship 'when we get outta here, i'm gonna buy you a bathtub.' 16 candles 'who's he?' 'that's me' 'who are you?' 'i'm him.' 'oh. okay.' orange county 'Put that out man...put that out.' say anything... 'Never never never never never NO!.' multiplicity 'Did you bring me a monkey?' idle hands 'They were killed by ants?' the princess bride 'stop rhyming and i mean it' 'does anyone want a peanut?' That took like forever diet cokes cuz wo. Heh, it was soo much fun though. Whhhee. Great great great night. Anyway, Greg is going away to NY tonight for 1NATION (aye wanna go) and stayin thru the weekend maybe all next week and that sucks because i luuuv chillin with him he is my best friend, eh. I attempted to write another song *this morning while Mistress was watching Idle Hands cuz ive seen it tooo many billion times. Heh, 'I'm not going through all that Tanya.' Haha. I could quote those movies alllll day. 'Hi doug hi doug hi doug hi steve' 'c ya steve' 'that leg's gonna have to come off steve' hahahaha. 'she touched my pepe steve.' ahahaha Multiplicity is great. I don't wanna go on, I'll make myself sick, not that I'm not already about to puke up a million diet cokes. if you put 'i dont think so', would you? 'n do it with the most perfect guy in a nice pink trans am.' 'a black one.' 'a black guy?' 'no, a black transam. a pink guy.' |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I am like out of it. I passed out on my floor face down in the middle of my room ha.ha.ha. Greg woke me up when he called...I dont think I could fall back asleep now if I tried. I mean...ehh it's annoying trying to fall asleep. But yeah, I'm like in a daze, I have no idea what I am doinf right now. Maureen is home from Brians or whomevers i dont know i guess and I want to hear from her and she is supposed to give me a call like NOW but I guess she forgot or doesn't want to or anything. I don't wanna like seem pushy or whatever the fuck that is, I just want it to go back to the way it was befffoooooore Derek. Speaking of Dereks, I am getting a new backpack and his name is going to Actual Dave (haha matt) but yeah...thats how goes it. I am like whhhhaaaa la la la la so I am going to sit and spin in this back black chair like I usually do when I'm just sitting here waiting for that annoying little IM noise and whatnot. Motherfuckers. ps...i love FOAMY! |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Hola. *YAWNstretch* Morning. So much to say, so much to say. Where shall I start? Okay...hmm NICK BROWN. Ya know when like something happens with you and one of your friends and you don't talk to them anymore...for whatever reason, you just din't. And you think about em a lot, regret how it's all screwed up, all that. Then like, you wanna call em up or IM them or something to get them back in your life, but you don't know what you would say, and you're scared to make things worse? Yeah...Nick Brown. I IMed him last night and MAN that took a lot of balls. But I just kinda sent him that collage thingy I made, and he responded (im still not sure if it was positively or negatively) but whatever cuz somehow we got back to talking and he still wants to meet and all that happy crap. I don't know, we'll see what happens with things I guess. I'm not letting myself get hurt again. GREG. Heh, last night I was on the phone with him and he was DRUNK OFF HIS ASS and was talking about Nuts! and Kangarooy stuff and how do kangaroos fuck and Nuts! Nuts in a bag! Would you like Nuts with that? Hahahah. You kinda had to be there. Anyway, as funny as it was, I was actually really scared cuz he kept wanting to leave to go pick up paul and junk and I was like NOOOO FUCKING WAY believe it er not Greg there are ppl who CARE about you and dont wanna c nuthin happen and im not bein stupid about this i love you man yer my best friend in the world. And I would not get off the phone, I had to keep him there, home, because I could not have forgiven him if he had driven drunk, whether something happened to him or not. Yeah its like 9 am and i am exhausted now and looking forward to a day on the ice cream truck, but whatever. Cuz there is nothing I can do and my best friend is safe and that means a helllll of a lot more to me than sleep. I'm gonna get goin, shower, stretch, all them push ups n crunches n junk that I do now, EAT to prove im not anorexic, call and see how greg is, attempt to make last nights failed plans for tonight, and then sit and wait for the ugly little ding dong cart to pull back up to the house. Eh, I could use the sugaryyyyyyy ice cream today. Sugar is the coolest pickmeup, esp. when yer all in a daze cuz so much just suddenly happened n ya yer happy and stuff but just like....WWWOOOOO. You know what I mean. You do. But anywhoooo, here I go, shutting up. Don't miss me too much. Ehh, that's my job. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I have failed yet again. Fucking babies CRY. Amy made it a point to just LET THE FUCKING BABY CRY SOMETIMES! He's been in the other room...crying. Amy was in the living room, LET HIM CRY LET HIM CRY but no...next thing I hear MEGAN!! DON'T YOU HEAR HIM CRYING IN HERE?? WHEN HE'S IN HERE WAILING FOR 10 MINUTES YOU CAN COME CHECK AND SEE WHAT'S WRONG!! just let him cry just let him cry I say. No eye contact. Bad sign, she's pist. Good sign, I can hold back tears. I wanna run away upstairs and get lost in my somehow now hypnotizing walls, or get lost on Syranus with all the Tearstain people, but NO. NOW she's in the living room, (guess she wasn't before) and there is no way in hell I am walking through there. No, not fucking pride.......it's weakness. I wish Mistress were here. Anyone. I want to be a good angel again. I want to go back to being all happy and graceful (pfff) and wise. Now I have these scratches on my face and now on my heart too...is that what those pains are?? Here I go, writing and writing away all my fear, sadness, pain, whatever. Hiding behind these words, this wall of ramblings-on that I am building that no one is reading anyway. Everything is smelling of cigarettes today and its gross. Maybe its in some of my close frum hanging out with the boys and stuff. Ehhhhhhhh I don't know. I quit tho hehe. I haven't smoked since carnival night. (Dont even remember when that was.) I wanna go hide in my room!! It's so safe in there. It's so....serene in that Megan kind of way. Heh, that's kinda like an oxymoron. Eh, maybe not. I am going to post this now and see if I can do something else and keep my insecurites from driving me crazy like they usually do. The phone is ringing. Oh man, what happens if I don't answer it, hmmm??? |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Mistress. Tables turn when you don't even realize it. Or is it the world? I don't know anymore...I'm going to try to stop feeling it. But she broke up with Derek and I am in utter shock. I was really looking forward to her sleeping over tonight but she's at 6flags with this Tricia that she goes everywhere with now. Ehh, I don't know. I'm being stupid again, like the Brenda thing. Sorry I haven't written in a while. Internet's been down, AHH i know. I have become a re-born tv junky and it sucks but oh well. I stayed home all day staring at my walls and singing at the top of my lungs 'break yer heart' by bnl. Good fucking song. Word. Ummmmm hmm what to say? So much. O yes, latest infatuation: MARY-KATE OLSEN. Hahahaha me, I know. Cuz um, yeah. She's anorexic, but she's pretty. I don't know. That has nothing to do with it. Something about her.....aye. I drew a picture of her, its okkkkay but whatever. I have this big scratch down my forehead (RIGHT IN THE CENTER!!!) from nic and it kiiiilllls like a bitch omg omg. Vinny is on the phone talking about Tasia, how he'll never be with her again. This is a boring random entry, I am distracted. I need to really catch up though. I read Matt all of TEARSTAIN BETWEEN over the phone today and my oh my do I miss that cast, aye. Shadow and Devlin and Sapphire (*shudder*) and Wolf and Elfie/Crimson and the whole gang. I am going to attempt to rewrite it, and that will be very intersting indeed. In the first part, well, the story as it is now, I held back a lot...ya know, with like the sex scenes (haha matt) and all that stuff and the language and the little things I guess. But it's a good, well developed plot for once, so I'll work from there. I made a really cool collage from scraps of Nick Brown *cringe*'s pictures and poems and journals and things and it looks pretty good actually. I like it. But thats me and I am weird. I hope I can talk to Maureen soon. And Derek...Bananas are weird--in or out of their pajamas. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | That's a quote from a John Mayer song called 'Love Song For No One.' I love someone. I feel so fucking pathetic for it too, because I can't seem to do things right, can't seem to please her anymore. Her spiteful words break my heart in a million trillion pieces. . .and she's not really even being mean to me or upset. I'm pretty glad for that, I think. Grateful, I mean. I don't know. I hope she sees this and understands how I feel, because yeah, she's with someone else and I am stupid for trying to get in the way, but there's feelings inside me so strong that they just kind of take me over. Things were going fine, now all this with her, failing her...and this all with Greg...everything. It's getting all knotted up again, but whatever. I'm gonna fix it this time. I don't know how...but I have a list of things to do this summer, it's pretty long and outrageous, but oh well because I am actually getting through it already and the summer just like started. I have about 40 minutes to type, and I am hoping I can keep my concentration on this so strongly, on rambling, so that I can keep my mind off of her. I don't know what kept me from being with her, from asking her out. I don't, I don't, I DON'T! And I hate it...I really hate it. No, I regret it, it's sad. I can't stop thinking about her, even with haterboy there, even with creepy kid there, even with matt there, even with Dove there, even with Greg there, even with TJ there, all of them. It's her I know I should be with. Her I know that I can't live without. I don't know. Maybe I didn't see it before because she was just so right there and I didn't know how bad it felt to know that I could have had her and didn't take it. I got off track....um hold on, Oh yeah, so one of the things on my list is to save HER. I wish I could. I have failed her though. Oh my God, Mistress. I'm tearing myself apart inside without you. Demons are pretty too though. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Hahaha. Like I have a 'man'. Pffff that. Sorry guys, I only came back because I realized while I was in the shower that I said I had good news but I never said what it was. Oh well, sucks for you because I don't feel like typing it. It's about Ironside, so you can use yer imagination (fer those of u that have one) heh. Meow. I wish I could Meow. Meow. Meow. Nah...Oliver is the coolest little dude ever. You know it. When was it that I started this journal? In May? Okay Okay...so that was after Oliver was born. So that whole escapade isn't logged in here really. And yes yes, MY was it an escapade. Heheheh. I wanna hear Kerrin* sing. Indie too. All of them really....Speaking of...I'm supposed to call Creepy Kid today...I'll have to find time and not ferget cuz I feel bad that I've been like, I don't know, not there. Stand-offish. Whatever. Steve, man, if yer reading this...I'm sorry!...I've been caught up in all this crazy shit going on ayeeyeeye. SPRINGLISH TIME! Word. Ok so like Danielle is at escuela de summer n im like, yo, that biatch is crazy bangin'. She is off the chain! WoRd Of MuThA, yO. *giggle* Es muy bonita. Aye...Whenever I see huur right thurr im all -yo, mamacita, HOLLA ATCHURR BOYZ. uhHuh. Word. I rizzle lizzle hizzle a lot but that dun mizzle. So wuteva. I'm out. This joint is crazy whack...- hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. That's great. I don't really have anything else to say, I am just rambling. Blllllaah. I wicked hope Mistress comes over but I bet she's sleeping. She better get this telapathic message I am sending her because I want her to wake up so I can get a hold of her so she can come over. Blech. I wanna finish this Ovando story. Writing it, I mean. I gotta get going. Haha. This has been your not-so-regularly-scheduled program. Hehe. Alright well over n out. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Morning, world. I am tired, blah...Got up...well, dreamt about this whole mike/krystil thing as usual, dont know how that happens so much...and then dreamt about Sam* but it was like she was Kaye in Tithe. Hmm...I don't know. Anyway got up, went to dads, meim and pop are here, hello hello hello, donuts? mmm, hello yeah hi...thx i like my room too and then now I am here. My skirt is so gnarly...i am so proud of it guys, sorry. Blah. Tirednessss.s.s.s....blah. I wanted so bad to just IM Nick 'Of Course I Exist' Brown and be stupid but he'd blow up in my face and me=good mood so IN YER FACE NICK BROWN cuz u dont even exist!!! HAHAHAHAH!!! Tired. My eye itches real bad...allergies or something, but I don't know. *Yawn* no im not kidding I really did really yawn just now. OMG GOOD NEWS!! Matt heh, FINE u can know too....even tho u never called me and I had to stay up watching Harvey Birdman and Brak and Baby Blues and Home Movies and Futurama and Sealab 2021 all by myself even tho everybody knows that I don't really care cuz it was soooooo freaking funny, holy junk. Guys seriously...tj told me to watch [Adult Swim] so I did, like old times, aye. My eye is really bothering me. i am typing slow cuz I got the shakes. My room is maaaad clean and there are rave flyers and shit all over the walls so its really pretty and my Underworld dudes are all like whaaaa im gonnnnnn killlll uuuuuuuuuu!! Hehe. O wait, that's me not on meds, haah! Dun worry, I've been doin so perfect with taking them *curtsy*...It is like 8:37 now, (I know...early) and I have to be at the doctors for 10:30 or something but I gotta shower and make plans with Mistress for the day and all that happy crap, but like, I can sit here and type fer a while, no rush, really. That kinda sucks though, because I have nothing to say. Question: is tj gonnn be my summa lovin? answer: pfff how should I know? I hate going to the doctors...like, blahhhhh.....and he talks funny and I can't understand him and everything I do understand is about like bike helmets (like i ride a bike anywho) but yep...n then u gotta pee in a cup n they prick yer finger n they're all...open widddddeeee......pff, shut up u mean stinky bully head (kt-haha!) Shower's free, screw this. You're bored. No one is reading these here words, and if you are, yer an idiot. But oh well, comment anyway...I wanna see what kinda idiots stalk me... Heh, shut up. You love me. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | TJ RINGER just showed up like i knew he was gonna but yeah we chit chatted n then he had to go buh byes cuz mom was all grr so then me: lata gata tj: yup or whatever and then *kiss* and then wo. and then he was tellin me about how he was thinkin about me on like this 6 hr car trip to the beach or whatever like the whole time i was like wo wo wo wo wo, how out of no where, but flattered, as much as i despise that word. mom is still all grr so me: lata gata you: yup. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I am like whaaaa...I know I have been unfaithful to this lovely little journal of mine but no one cares. I am thinking of starting a live journal because i am bored with this one. But I won't abandon it completely, I don't know. What should I do? Aye........um.....anywho i have been spendin as many waking hours as i can with greg n derek's always been there and its been a while since the night of the carnival when Mistress was with us, but whatever. I wanted to see her today, I finished my skirt and it is soooooo awwweeeesooommmmmeee! There is a new chill spot, and actually it is fucking amazing!!!!!!!!! They're gonna try n get it frum the state cuz its like this whack little beach with a beachhouse n a little house and junk thats all abandoned...it's AWESOME holy crap. So hopefully they'll get that.....we got permission from the cops to thro a party thurr today, tho i had to get home before that, but whatever. Mistress is now apparently at the movies, but I thought she couldn't go out!!! I dont know why she would to the movies with sammie when she could go party with HER BOYFRIEND. I wanna make this summer like a me-n-kerry-*cringe*-attached-at-the-hip kinda summer with her. I wanna be with her and greg and der every second i can, n not let them make out in the back!!! AYE AYE AYE!!! Best langueage ever. SPRINGLISH. Because english, spanish, spanglish, or slang can't decribe it. It's too whiteboyish now too. Aye love it. Listenin to Atmosphere cuz he is radical. Gotta c whats up with tomorrow.... Mistress, If you are reading this, I want to spend as much time with you as possible this summer.....I love you more than you will ever know. Gonna go bum rush. Keep on keepin on. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I can't talk, I just have something extrememly important that I've been meaning to write in here. NEW BREAKING BENJAMIN SONG!!!!!!!!!!! Best news ever! It's about time...I knew there was a reason I loved them so much. Okay, enjoy. Turn me over. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | YESTERDAY WAS SOOO FUCKING AWESOME!!!!! OMG, I went to Sam's bday party and it was the funnest ever! It sux that Matt and Jess didn't go, but there were like a bazillion people there coming and going. It was like, Sam, Indie, Mike C, Mike H, Mike F, Krystil, DJ, Sarah, This girl Jessica* who I don't know and some girl that looked like her that I don't know, Creepy Kid, this kid Josh, this kid Chris, Stephanie, Nicki, Tougie, Jay, ROB, um. . .um. . .o well I have a feelin I forgot some ppl. Add me and the puppy (pudge) who I want!! Yep. It was fucking KICK ASS!! Only, the whole time I realized that I really like Sam, like, a lot more than I really thought I did, and it was driving me insane the whole time, and then Indie was there telling me how she feels about me and everything and I kinda still like her but not so much I dont know I never talk to her anymore or anything. Anyway, we all just hung out ferever n it was kick ass and we listened to BD and everyone who knew it was singing and everyone who didnt was like hey this music is good yeah! N then pizza n then cake which they all ran around smushing in each others faces. It was hot. After a while we walked to Indies and then walked to 'the Dingo' i guess but it was cool. we went thru the woods n its like these traintracks buh theyre all up high n n stuff it was so awesome up there but then we were all, let's leave, misquitos eating us alive!!! So we headed back and when we were walking were like PLEASE START POURING PLEASE START POURING and it did and we played in the rain and danced in the rain and walked in the rain and jumped in the puddles and Jush even swam in one cuz they were so huge, I mean, we all got DRENCHED but it was like one of the best things that has happened in a while to me. Really, it was like, WOW. Seriously. I can't even shut up about it. So we walked back, drenched, like a mob of us, Mike (f) and Krystil left somewhere along the way, and then we went back to Sam's but everyone just went around back and ran around in all the mud and chased each other with the hose n im like c'mon MUD WRESTLING haha but then Me n Indie n Creepy Kid n Rob go to Indie's real fast to change into her dry clothes n we played dress up haha and I have Indie's clothes on n they are so comfy!! (haha im in Indie's pants!) and then Indie/Rob carried me back to Sam's cuz I had no shoes (they were all wet) and then we said bye to everyone and group hugged everyone and i was on robs back so it was Nuts! an then we got in Rob's car and Sam came out looking like....WOW. HOLY CRAP. I was STUNNED. She came over to say goodbye *and she kissed me*!! Then Rob drove me home n we chitchatted about school and college and senior pranks like we always do when he drives me home but its awesome because he knows what he's talking about and no one ever wants to talk about that stuff really. So thats nice. Then he came n met my mom and stuff then I went in, changed, did laundry, then watched some dumb reality sho (for love or money) cuz Lou had it on the tv and it was the last episode, and let me tell you...it took 2 hours of them going IM SO NERVOUS IM SO NERVOUS before they gave it away in the last 5 minutes. I'm not exaggerating either. It was pathetic. Then I packed the rest of my stuff, went down, watched Family Guy, then fell asleep before sealab and all that good stuff. But oh well. Then this morning I came over here to Dads and went upstairs and went to sleep. Woke up, there are like a million cars here, nannies n cookies n jackies, but i have no idea where anyone is. The end. Haha. PS- Matt you fucking loser why didn't you come yesterday!?!!? It was SOOO GNARLY! n HAHA I finally figured out who deserves* that one thing u want SOOO badly. Hehe. Dont kill me. Adios...if no one shows up I'll be back sooooooon. But fer now I'm done. Turn me over. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Heh. Okay, here goes. Did I write yesterday? I don't think so, but I don't remember. Yesterday everyone here left at like 4:30ish and didn't do the password on the computer but I refused to go to the fireworks andyway cuz I could watch em out the window from the kids next door do em crazy nuts, and as it turns out Fitzy was there so heh, go me. I win. Anyway, yeah...so I sat down and plaed Tony Hawk Underground for like hours and jc that game is whhhhhack compared to the others, but whatever. I dont really care. Then I got bored, and watched like Degrassi and My-So Called Life (during which I cried for Rainy because HOLY SHIT....nevermind, gotta c it) and the like Last Comic Standing and a bunch of music videos and then more Degrassi I think, I can't remember. And then finally Night Swim came on and I watched a shitload of Sealab 2021...that show is Nuts!! HAHAHA! And Aqua Teen Hunger Force didn't come on any of the time I was away, nor did Home Movies...those are THE GREATEST SHOWS EVER but oh well. Then finally the fam got home at MIDNIGHT so then...oh no wait, they came home at midnight DURIN Sealab 2021...ooooh yeah cuz I watched Futurama and it was like....MY LIFE STORY! I'm not kidding, holy CRAP! I'm so corny, but it was a goooood episode. SHUT UP MATT I know what you are thinking, and I cant help that I have become a bad tv junky again, what do you expect? Ok so theeeennnnn today I went to the EL parade and was bored so I wrote a song and just sat around, then I went on the truck with dad but later than i was supposed to because the parade toook madd long cuz they had to stop it for like a half hour at least cuz some lady like randomly passed out in the street from the heat or something, i dont know, and they made a big scene, but yeah. Then I got home and packed a lot because everything has to be packed by tomorrow and that is scary but this house is just like glowing the STEVE's energy still and it makes me sick to think about. But yeah, then Greg got me and me him and derek and paul went to dereks fer his big bad 15th birthday party (hah) and we went there and candles cake blow (haha) and yeah. They all called me anorexic even tho i dont eat cake!! AHH I only bake it (HAHAH HAHAH AHA HA HAHHAHAH HAHAHA HAHAHAH AHA HAA HA HA HA HHHA AHHA AHHHHHA AHAHHA HAA HAAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHA HA AHAHA AHA AHAH AHA AHAHA O MAN I CRACK MYSELF UP AHAHAH AH AHA HA HHHA AHHHA AHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHA AHAH AHAH AHAHAH AHAHAH AHA AHH A WHOOOOO HAHAHAH AHA HA HA HA HA HA O BOY HAH HAHAAHA ok im done). Anyway. yeah, then we went to Gregs and left derek at his house with his fam all mad at us (hahahah) and then yeah we went to gregs and fell asleep and wok eup 4 or 5 hours later at like 9 haha it was funny. Then I cam home and now I am here the end. Adios. Thank you, come again. With a present for me next time... |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | My teeth hurt, don't know why. Period cramps like wo and it SUCKS like a mother. *Shudder*. Um, OMG guys I am leaving for Seattle at 3 am tomorrow morning!! That's like, not long from now. I know its only noon, but that's like 15 hours, gove or take half the day. I wrote out that answer to that one fucking question Matt asks me constantly that I always avoid because it's like the worst question ever. Anyway I typed an answer once into my computer upstairs that has no internet, no printer, and no K key. It was a lonnnng answer, but it was one of the truest things I have ever written. Seriously, it is like wo. But it just sat in the computer for no one to see. But today I wrote it out so I could have it on paper, and eventually I will type it into here and I want responses to it because it means a lot to me. I miss Mistress a lot. I was hoping to see her today but yet again I am stuck at home alone. At least Cookie is here for a little bit I guess, he's gettin Jackie n Pizza n all that fun stuff. I was *painting* last night in the dark during adult swim and accidentally cut straight up into my right index finger on the side and it hurts like a bitch. It bled and bled, so I got a few *paintings* done. Today I split the wound back open and it bled and bled and bled and bled and bled and bled so I painted summore just so the blood didn't go to waste. Loverboy is online and I want to talk to him. Jackie's here. I want some more lemonade. I don't even like lemonade, but I am like addicted to it now like I am to SCRATCH TICKETS and NEOPETS (Matt shut the fuck up I swear to god)... OH GOOD NEWS!! I FOUND MY ATMOSPHERE CDS SO I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO THEM LIKE NONSTOP LIKE I USED TO BECAUSE HE IS SO AMAZINGLY GREAT!!! Okay, I'll shut up now. This is keeping me off Neopets but I love those old school wastes of time, so I'll be back. Love and Sex. Adios. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Okay, I know you need this. Here's how it's been... The whole deal with Matt and Steph, well, I don't know. I really don't. Apparently if I hang out with Matt then I am getting in the way of him and Nicci but I have to let Steph spend all this time with him because she likes him and somehow that's okay, that's not getting in the way of Matt and Nicci. I don't know. This is all irrelevant everything because Matt is gay and he knows it. With Loverboy, I am just falling head over heels. Seriously, like, just seeing his s/n signed on makes me smile. I can't help it. So we've been talking. That's good. That's really good. We still barely know each other though, but it's getting there at its own pace and that's the way it should be. That makes me happy. Mom moved to Chicopee. I can't even begin to explain this. There is a barn/shed out back which I call my barn but secretly I really call it the Mud Shed because it is exactly like the Mud Shed that Witch Baby hid in for months, growing. You have to read the book to understand. It calms me down though. I have devolved, too. I have been keeping a glass jar in my backpack with moths and fireflies in it. Well...actually I was able to put them into a plastic cage and keep them outside and the new house, so it's not the same anymore. Yesterday was Meim and Pop's 50th anniversary party! Ben and Lou and I were catching tiny toads that we found. They were seriously smaller than my thumb nail. We had 37. They were sooooo cool. We put them in a huge cardboard box and chilled with them. Then SALLY DARBY was there and we spent the entire afternoon/evening together...talking about things I'm not sure if I care about, school, gangs (haha), being white girls, fashion design (don't ask), etc. On the ice cream truck last night, Dad told me about how like she went psycho and tried to kill herself and had to go through like tons of therapy and all of that this past year and I was like...woah. I think I've been seeing her in the wrong light completely... Mistress...she's been gone camping but for some reason I didn't know that, so I've missed her a lot. Now she's home and that's good but she still loves/misses Karly and has other friends who are actually there and I don't know what to think. For the record, I don't like DEREK SANTOS like that. Um, what else... This thing with Greg I will explain at the end of this entry...I'll put this convo him and I are having now...it's kind of....scary. I don't know. I *painted* today. For the first time in...a while. Last friday at the mall I hung out with Creepy Kid and Amber and everyone and I became worse addicted to SCRATCH TICKETS and I spent $11 on them and won $8 so really I lost a lot but it was soooo much fun to win! Like wicked natural high, adrenaline rush (like I need it). My new novella...a journal-type story. I am still really working out the major knots, so it'll be awhile before you even see like entry one. Um...hmm...I am leaving FOR SEATTLE on wed. morning at like 6 am so say yer goodbyes! I am not able to take my phone with me so I will miss you all that much more! I'm gonna leave you guys with that much, because there's too much to take it as it is. Here's the thing with me and Greg. PLUR 2 28 29: megan SicTransitHero: hi PLUR 2 28 29: are u mad at me or something ? SicTransitHero: no? PLUR 2 28 29: alright SicTransitHero: y PLUR 2 28 29: i haven't talked to u in a while .....and just some much shit is goin on PLUR 2 28 29: everything is just poopy SicTransitHero: tell me SicTransitHero: whats wrong PLUR 2 28 29: i threw a party on saturday ... it was goin awsome .. nothing was goin wrong .. till some assholes started fighten and so me paul and my few other friends grbbed the two kids kicked them out ... and because we did that they called the police and had us get shut down ... SicTransitHero: thats one night PLUR 2 28 29: so many ppl where happy while the party was goin on so many ppl came up to me and said this party kicks ass u need to do this again SicTransitHero: so do it again PLUR 2 28 29: then when the police came so many ppl were pissed at me ..... SicTransitHero: thats their fault...not urs PLUR 2 28 29: then as it figures ... another one of my friends hooks up thru with my another one of my friends ... on saturday night SicTransitHero: so what? dont sweat it greg PLUR 2 28 29: then yesturday ... paul and my best friend lauren are goin now goin to hook up ,,,, SicTransitHero: its not healthy PLUR 2 28 29: and u like derek ... SicTransitHero: i dont like derek PLUR 2 28 29: and i got drunk two nights in a row SicTransitHero: kno what SicTransitHero: im going to be fucking honest and straight frward with u here SicTransitHero: u need to get help, take back up yer meds, your not supposed to stop them without authorization, and theres a reason for that...no one wants everything to be shit...FIX IT SicTransitHero: im not trying to be a bitch here, im really not, im trying to tell you how i feel...this is how i feel: honestly im sick of u being sad about EVERYTHING, you are the best friend ive ever had but its hard being around u when yer like that and it sucks. u need to fix it. PLUR 2 28 29: ya u want to kno how i honestly feel.... SicTransitHero: yes, i do PLUR 2 28 29: worthless ... i do nothing but make ppl have more problems ... paul told me .. lauren told me ... derek told me .. ur basically tellin me .. my dad told me ....so i am out .. i am getin outa this shit droppin everyone ... and geting out PLUR 2 28 29 signed off at 3:50:58 PM. PLUR 2 28 29 signed on at 3:51:49 PM. PLUR 2 28 29: and ya kno wat the hardest thing about it all is..... tryin to deal with it and make things better but ppl just throw it back in my face and tell me to fuck off SicTransitHero: know what? PLUR 2 28 29: i can;t control shit any more .. i have nothing i am outaa a job now ... my dad is goin to kick me out ... and i don;t want to be here any more PLUR 2 28 29: if all ur goin to do is tell me i am idoit and i need to fix things PLUR 2 28 29: i don;t need u to tell me again i heard it once SicTransitHero: that makes me extremely PIST that you just said that I am basically telling u yer worthless, nothing even close PLUR 2 28 29: i haven;t talked to u in a week i call u and i tell me o i have to go ... call u later .. u never call me back ... .my friend shelly i call she told me she would call me back .. never does ... how would u like it if all ur friends u called said o i got to go i will call u later and they never do PLUR 2 28 29: wouldn;t that make u feel like shit and then have ur best friend tell u that u have problems and u need to fix them and basicallu stop being depressed cause i don;t like it PLUR 2 28 29: how would that make u feel ....... PLUR 2 28 29: worthless PLUR 2 28 29: and i am sry to piss u off that was not my intention of this convo PLUR 2 28 29: but as it seems all i do now is make ppl mad... have ppl get pissed at me and lose my friends SicTransitHero: i am trying to tell you how much u really truly are worth but yer just figting it...you can control it, youre not an idiot, but if you really feel like you cant control things then let medicine or something help u regain control. im not kidding...but it sounds like you dont even want to try to fix things, you dont want to make stuff better and that scares me, that hurts me, and i LOST MY PHONE AGAIN! I MOVED OUT OF MY TOWN!! I AM LEAVING FOR SEATTLE IN LESS THAN 2 DAYS!!!! I AM UNDER SOOOOOO MUCH STRESS ok but i am dealing with it as best i can. that might make me feel worthless but id look beyond self pity and i would find out the reason y they dont call me back because maybe they litterally cant and its not their fault and it hurts them to have me tell them that i feel worthless cuz of something that wasnt their fault! SicTransitHero: so if u want to make someone not pist at you, which is what it sounds like, then FIX IT and i am not going to say it again because im nagging now and thats annoying but i mean it, please think about it. PLUR 2 28 29: i am just goin to leave SicTransitHero: i have been getting death threats ok...im scared about stuff too SicTransitHero: no, please dont SicTransitHero: yer running away PLUR 2 28 29: death threats from who ? SicTransitHero: this kid SicTransitHero: dont worry about it PLUR 2 28 29: ya im runnin away PLUR 2 28 29: till i can deal with stuff again SicTransitHero: don't SicTransitHero: you dont like that all u do is make ppl pist, so y r u doin it again by leaving? SicTransitHero: i want an answer PLUR 2 28 29: so i am pissin u off by leaven again .. SicTransitHero: that and scaring me PLUR 2 28 29: i want to leave i want to go back to NYC where i had a good time planned partys spun records with candy kid , dj du pont , sound stream and others ... SicTransitHero: i am so scared for u PLUR 2 28 29: y is that scarin u PLUR 2 28 29: how is it ? SicTransitHero: ive been trying to explain it PLUR 2 28 29: i don;t understand then ... SicTransitHero: ive been trying this entire convo to explain it SicTransitHero: i love you SicTransitHero: yer the best friend i ever had SicTransitHero: and i mean that SicTransitHero: with all myheart SicTransitHero: if this problem doesnt get fixed it will eventually cross some line that will be so bad that...i dont even want to think about it...and then it will be unfixable for real...i dont want to see something happen to you...i couldnt deal with it PLUR 2 28 29: but thats y i go to nyc i can get away from stuff have time to think and we aren't in each pothers way so it won;'t cross that line where some bad will happen ... even time i hang out with u .. yes i love u to as best friend too .. but when i hang out with u more then that comes out .... i feel more ... and i get scared from that because i kno by me haven feelings like then yes something bad will happen soon PLUR 2 28 29: and so when i go to yc i ca get away from i think about u only as friend then and i am not goin to be hurtin inside ... SicTransitHero: greg. SicTransitHero: u need to realize that ya, u cant keep bad things from happening but u can make them not so bad PLUR 2 28 29: and thats wat i am tryin to do by goin away ... PLUR 2 28 29: cause it really does seem like everytime i am around shit just gets worse PLUR 2 28 29: i don;t even kno wat to say or do any more SicTransitHero: dont go away SicTransitHero: u were on meds for a reason PLUR 2 28 29: i try to work things out but it hurts and it neer works SicTransitHero: u shouldnt have gotten off them SicTransitHero: im not going to bug u with it. if u dont want to fix things then dont complain about them SicTransitHero: im trying to do what friends are supposed to do and help u SicTransitHero: but yer not letting me SicTransitHero: and it hurts SicTransitHero: and yer just gonna run away cuz it hurts u that ur hurting me which hurts me more SicTransitHero: and its SCARY that u dont see that PLUR 2 28 29: i don;t kno wat to say ..... vinnie keeps tell me to just get away from u u are usin me .... tiara tells me the same thing ... but i don't see u doin that to me at all ..... PLUR 2 28 29: and like i don;t want u to be getin hurt cause of me PLUR 2 28 29: vinny keeps tellin me to just stay away from u .. and can;t PLUR 2 28 29: cause ur my friend PLUR 2 28 29: and i duno i still see my doc .. i try taken the meds ... i try dealin with the side effects but i just couldn;t take it any more SicTransitHero: so tell yer doctor and tell him to put u on something else PLUR 2 28 29: plus i would forget to taken then everyday and it would throw me in worse moods then every to have that happen SicTransitHero: there are 35 diff. anti depressants out there SicTransitHero: i know, im dealing with that too greg SicTransitHero: but its the only answer SicTransitHero: at this point SicTransitHero: so i dont know what to say to you anymore SicTransitHero: think about what i said, PLEASE SicTransitHero: and have fun in ny |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | This is a long overdue entry, I know. Too much to say. Wow. Remind me to explain about Loverboy, Sally, about Loverboy, about the Matt/Steph thing, about Loverboy, Mistress, Sam, Loverboy...heh, you get it. I'm way too tired to sleep. Mom moved to Chicopee. Want to KILL step father. Am starting new novella. Read Bridget Jones's Diary, shows too much in own entry. Am creeped out. Goodnight. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | HAH! GUESS WHAT!?! I GOT A CAR!!!!!!!!!!! You know you want my sexy Altima's body. Oh yeah baby. Dude, it's *shudder* gold, but it looks purple in the dark. It is not Dustin, but it's a CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dust. LRR |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Last night, that girl who shall remain nameless...something happened with her blood and last night like at 1ish or something I...something happened. I can't explain this, sorry. Joe and I are friends again. This is good. Very good. We are goig to a movie when he gets home from camp. Today is his bday. He leaves tm. Guess who I get a call from today? MATT! Loser came home from vaca TODAY but o no megan cant have her syuper cool and extrememly dorky birthday bash this evening. Grr. So ma's like ok u can have someone sleepove but Mistress can't so i am bored. Matt's gonna come chill, so it's all good I guess. We have a lot of catching up to do. This is boring me, I was watching my beloved jamacian rap stuff on MTV ESpanol o ya. Dust. LATHER RINSE REPEAT |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | WOW. What was with today?! Okay, last night I finally got to see FUTURAMA!! *happy dance* go me, I know. Anyway last night I was talking to Loverboy on my puny little annoying cell (online tho) and out of no where 'u should go out with justin' n im like no i should go out with u...'i dont even like you like that'...oh. nice to know. so ou've been leading me on?? 'I guess...' He was at the mall tonight and I just wanted to go up to him and hug him really really tight and then just knee him square in the nuts. Anyway...this morning I wrote a letter to Joe but got stupid and it's all mushy and SHIT and a half. His name is carved into my chest now by the way...anyway...yeah. So I go to the mall, alll super-de-duper prozac-and-chocolated up and to make a long story short.... -indie asked me out...dont know what to say -get dubbed 'RAINBOWLICIOUS'.....please please please dont ask. -mett this kid Vash...(haha VD hahaha!!) -Cut this girl who shall remain nameless and JC SHE HAD THE SWEETEST BLOOD I HAVE EVER TASTED! -Bought more razors -Met up with Rob, he TOOK ME TO DINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! at Donovan's and made me eat cuz ive been sick and not eating and all of that, so I'm better now...but we talked and I learned a lot and all of that and it was great and now i am addictted to veal parm. Anywho...I get drenched in the rain. Sweet. -get home and grow balls because guess what I did... I CALLED JOE!!! He doesn't hate me. HOLY SHIT I AM OVERJOYED...ok we are talking and catching up now so i am gonna go...i am in love. o yeah and tm is going to be one hell of a disatster. Dust. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Hey okay I only got a sec because Mistress is in the other room watching the Muppet Show and she wants me to watch it too and I just wanted to say hi and that I am in like the biggest emotional mess and I dont know when I'll be able to explain it but I love her and I don't want to piss her off so I am going to go watch that with her. I know he's not ever ever gonna read this, but Joe...uh. Fuck it, I can't even say it. Nevermind. Dust. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Wowee! Blogger updated itself, so now I can use c o l o r s and different fonts and sizes and bullets and pictures and such!! THIS IS SO EXCITING! Anyway, I am at Dad's now and realized how many typos my last entry had. Haha. Whoops. Anyway I missed a few things about my trip, but I think you get the point. I AM TALKING TO MISTRESS and I miss her so much!! SHE IS COMING OVER!! YIPPEE!! Anywho...yeah. Through my trip I had that journal and I wrote like a million lists in there. Anyway, people who kept me goin through it all: 1.Tim Lake. Don't know why, don't know how. He lives in NY. 2.My Mistress, but that's no surprise. She keeps me going every second of every day. 3.Matt 4.Loverboy. 5.Nick Brown 6.AJC, that's all I'm saying. 7....joe broska.... I'm gonna stop there and breathe for a second. Lately it seems like there are soo many people who I miss so much that aren't there or whatever. AJC, Nick Brown, *TIM LAKE*, Ryan, Joe, et cetera. MISTRESS IS SLEEPING OVER TONIGHT! I miss her soooo much. I want to explain my theory of devolution in here, but its not something I can quite make sense of yet. It's getting there. Guys, omg. I have 356 FEATHERS I collected in Washington! I am going to continue to collect...much more slowly out here of course, and piece together wings like Cherokee Bat did for Witch. Anyway...I am talking to NICK BROWN and I miss him and he says he misses me too and he's glad I had an awesome time and he is jealous of me cuz he did nothing. I want to call Greg, I told him I would every chance I get...but...I listened to my 14 voicemails fisrt (haha) and there was one from him and he was DRUNK and he was DRIVING and calling me and I told him last time he was DRUNK that if he drove ever I would never be able to forgive him. I stayed on the phone with him ALL NIGHT last time because I care about him that much and I couldn't let him leave. He promised me he wouldn't do that and he did. You can't imagine how much that hurts me. not to mention our friendship. Anyway...right before I left he called me upset that I showed Derek that convo that I put a few entries ago because it was between me and him but Derek was worried about Greg like I was and I told him, I AM GOING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO SAVE HIM. I told him straight out that I WOULD SACRIFICE MY FRIENSHIP WITH HIM TO SAVE HIS LIFE. And then look what he goes and does. A part of me says I can't be mad because he lost trust in me for showing Derek, but that's his choice and he broke a promise to me and put his LIFE AT RISK and I think that's a lot worse, don't you? He is calling me now, I am not answering until I am sure what to feel. I get to watch MYSTIC RIVER tonight, yeah! Sorry, I know this is a longish entry and I just typed a long one, but I am making up for a weeks worth of words. Oliver is getting sooo big! I am worried about my party in a couple days because 3 ppl still dont have invites and I cant get a hold of them. :( :( I am really getting stressed about this. And then CRAIG switched my doorknobs so I can't lock my door anymore which means less *painting for megan. But I guess that's alright. I cried my eyes out over it though last night. My privacy is all I have at home. Can't take that away, because then I have nothing left to be there for. I have to teach Mistress to play GOOK because it is such an insane game! SO YOU KNOW, cuz I know you are wondering, GOOK is a card game my extended family created forever ago and is traditionally played at all family gatherings and visits and everything and I kick butt in it now...not as good as BEN, but I'm good. I'm lonely. I miss everybody!! I'm gonna wrap this up for now because I am just rambling and I don't want the important things to be forgotten when you close this window. 'It's never goodbye. It's always C ya.' -john q. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Guess who's back? Back again. I AM BACK! Washington was AMAZING, you have no idea. I am on Craig's computer and I have like no time to write and I don't havemy notebook on me in wich I wrote every little detail of the trip because it was sooooooo great! Anyway, yeah, later on I willtype all of that yummy stuff in. I think i am going to be forced to go to the fether's tonight which means yet another night without Futurama. Last night I got home just in time to see ATHF and then all those other shows and then Family Guy but I fell asleep right before Futurama...graaaar. Anyway...I miss that stuff, a week without it is a lot...I missed *painting, which I did last night because I needed it. Anyway, I want to see Mistress sooo bad. I talked to her a few nights ago and she is the only one of my firneds I talked to the whole time I was there...I am not kidding you, it was nonstop. Alright u kno what, here goes...the events off the top of my head... July 14th. Wednesday. 3 am-woke up, got my period (BLAH), then went to the airport -first flight to CINCINNATI...2 hours...slept -second flight from CINCI to SEATTLE...4 hrs. 47 min. AYE! Cute boy sitting in front of me, watched Hidalgo on the flight...well I didn't. but it was on. Anyway yeah I wrote through this flight. -got to Seattle, checked into hotel, knocked a Holiday Inn employee down some stairs with the car door...oopsies. -Space Needle, very cool. Wrote an amazing poem and developed my theory on devolution which I am proud of. -the times from here on in are in Seattle time which is 3 hours behind us. -5pm in the hotel room with cookie, watching Poker on TV, gnarly...got wicked strawberry thing from Starbucks --Fell asleep sometime around 11 I think. July 15th. Thursday. -7am-breakfast at the hotel, stol about 20 little peanut butter packets, hehe. I rule. Cook woke me up by pouring cold water on my head! -got in the car, 2 hr. drive to the dock in Seattle -Ferry ride on the M.V. TACOMA into Port Angeles where Ben and Donna (uncle and aunt-coolest ever) live. Wrote oon this ride...I think it was aslam, but yeah, I remember it was good. -Pike's place kicked booty. -Got my SUNFLOWER. -Taco Bell. -Went to a peir and watched ppl crabbing. Gnarly. -BEN AND DONNA'S! Ben is home, Donna arrives soon after. -Grand tour of he new little house, hellos and such. - Played Mad-libs and cooked dindin. -Watched Cast Away with Ben. This rocked. -Went to The Hook. This is awesome, okay. I collecterd about 100 feathers to make wings with, like Cherokee did for Witch Baby. Water is freezing, holy crap. This place is awesome though, one of my favorite parts of the vaca. Hav pics, ask. -Bad headache, sleep in the trailer. JULY 16th!.Frday. -Ben and Donna go to work. Go on the M.V. COHO into CANADA!! Okay ready...we went to Victoria which is in the province of BRITISH COLUMBIA (!!) which is on VANCOUVER Island which is in Canada. This day kicked butt. -Went into Chinatown, ate at Kimbo's -Shopping -Had COFFEE thing from Starbucks, the new love of my life. Can u believe me? Ew. I know. -Saw creepy lady/guy dressed up like a mermaid playing an accordian -FOUND ACTUAL DAVE !!!!!!! -Went back to Port Angeles -Played GOOK (yeah!!) -Donna painted my toenails and they are soooo gnarly looking u have to see them, and listened to great radio while Ben and Cook played Battleship (haha) -Sleep July 17th.Saturday. -WENT SHELLFISHING! Found a million starfish, OCTOPUSES!!, eels, suckerfish which sucked on to my hand and did not come off (weird), hermits, crayfish, limpids, horseshoecrabs, clams, scallops, other fish, worms, and crabs... -Cookie and I found the MOTHER of all CRABS holy crap it las like...Dinner. All proud. Ben came and said it was female therefore we couldnt take it to eat it. *Tear*. -Picnic lunch -Got on the boat to go fishing with Ben, Cookie and Lou. Mom and Donna went on a hike to Cape Flattery aka the end of the world. -Fished, got insanely huge bite, freaked, lost it...haha funniest ever! -Cookie caught a 2 ft. Halibut, about 8 pounds, Lou bashed the life out of it like 'DIE FISH DIE! WERE GONNA EAT U!! WERE GONNA EAT U!!' Haha, hitting it to knock it out with the club. -Caught 2 sharks, majorly pretty, huge, wo. Had to leave them. -Caught a 2 ft. 10lb Pacific Cod and it was goregeous. Lou beat this as well. Hahahaha. -Got back, gut the cod. -Lou tore its brains out. This was just weird. -Went home, the Halibut still alive even tho it had no blood left in it's body. Scary. -Gut it and cooked it up. YUUUM. -Gook -Gook -Gook -Gook is the best card game ever. -Got a call from Dad...he got SHOT IN THE BACK with a BEBE GUN while on the ruck by some EAST LONGMEADOW LOSERS and now he has a scar on his back and was all over the news. *TEAR* -Cast Away (again, i know) over dinner. The clams and Halibut we caught. YUM! -Went to the ELWHA RIVER which was soooo pretty, collected about 200 more feathers and a bunch of heart shaped rocks. -Found an entire birds wing. Kind of weird and wisted, but nonetheless freaking awesome! -Made a seesaw out of driftwood. Hhah. It was huge! -Went back home, passed out asleep. July 18th.Sunday. -Hiked to Marymere falls...goregeous, huge, waterfall. -By the way, we hiked there THROUGH A RAINFOREST!! !! !! !! Gorgeous. -Picnic lunch, Ben, Lou and Cookie stuck peanuts up their noses...u had to be there. HAHA. -Quoted Princess Bride all through lunch. Actually all thru the trip.. -Went to Crescent Lake. Went in the water, collected heart shaped rocks. Pretty. -Lou, Mom, Donna, and Cookie took turns goiung 3 at a time on the CANOE around the lake. I didn't feel like going. -Cookie and Ben flew Kites...hahahahahaha! BEN WAS FLYING A BARBIE KITE!! HAHA!! -Found the Floating Automan. Don't ask. -SUNBURNED MY EARS SO BAD!! -More heart shaped rocks. Pretty. -Wrote. -Went home. -CAMPFIRE -Watermelon seed spitting contest!!!!!! -SMORES!!! -Burned the evil clown in the fire!! dont ask. -Wrote the poem that Donna is going to frame because she loves it so much!! -Gook. -Sleep. July 19th.Monday. -Donna and Ben play hookie from work. -Went to Olympic Game Farm in the morning. -Had to be there. -Cookie got slobbered on by a YAK! -Learned why YAKs are called YAKs. HAHAHA! -Awe, the Yaks and such were soooo cool. -Were going to go to Hurricane ridge, but didn't go. There would have been a snowball fight!! (Top of a mountain) but there was way too much bad weather over there. -Stayed home and played Gook like maniacs. -Talked to Isabell about Dazea and everything. Sucks she's still in Colorado. -TALKED TO MISTESS!!!!! -Went to Hollywood beach, it was cool. Lost my sandals, haha. -Bonded with Donna a ton. Gave me her old sundress she made and this gnarly tie-die shirt that doesn't fit her anymore. -Bed. tuesday got up early, went back on ferry, 2 planes, lost luggage, boring. got home to find my lock on my door is gone. blah. I have to go now, going to Dad's. MISS YOU ALL! Comment!! Adios. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I am Nick Brown's, and I am weary. Dave Attell is ANNOYING. Someone call me...as late as you want. 413-218-8224 Dust. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Last night was very...interesting. Dennis, Mistress' boyfriend...for now. This morning she was talking to him and found out HE HAS A DAUGHTER WITH ANOTHER GIRL that wasn't even his gf at the time or something like that whole Usher deal. Hah! But he should have told her sooner. She said she will break up with him tomorrow. Last night...I....I was lonely, though she was there, because she has Dennis and said I wasn't allowed to kiss her and I wanted to just hold her so bad and after a while I just kissed her. She kissed me back but I'm like, I'm sorry. She's like don't be. Then I did it again and she stopped me and was like 'WhY? WHY do you want to kiss me?' And as Matt says, you dont ask questions like that to the Megan. Whatever. So stupid little Megan went downstairs and filled an empty bottle with some of Dad's wine and SHIT IT BURNS but idiotic Megan got herself drunk and prozaced up and such. I don't know. I'm all like....blah. So I talked to Matt and Fitzy on the phone all night and just rambled and I didn't puke!! :-D cuz I wanted to. This morning I haven't eaten really. I tried multiple times. My head hurts and my ears ache and I feel like shit and I'm tired and we watched LOSER which is one of those good movies that put you in one of those moods like...I am going to change something. But the feeling lasts for like 2 seconds. I have been trying to write myself through this but all my words in my head aka thoughts are FUCKEDEDEDED up. I cant think, so yeah... DUST... *pukes* |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | The smell of brownies is the best. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Mistress is getting here any second, or at least, I thought she was. I guess she's not getting here for another hour now because of dinner. And my Dad made a big deal about how I am sitting down to eat with everything, Miss is no exception, and so now I have to eat. It's like..shit. I talked to Dove today and we talked about what she said in her comment a couple entries ago and yeah she's tiny but I've always seen her eat and she always has energy so it was a shock to me, but now that I am there I understand. You only eat when you NEED to. Like neeeeeed to to function for something or whatever. On a Coke commercial it says 'GOT A CRUSH ON MEGAN.' yay! I'm lonely. I have been really lonely that like watching a regular movie makes me want to hold the person I'm watching it with, wanna curl up next to them, kiss them, you know the feeling. So anyway, this commercial is getting on my nerves with 'I bet your favorite color's black!!' Ugh. Rah, the only music station on this tv is BET so the RapCity ppl need to shut up and play their beloved rap shit. Word. They're talking about GOOD CHARLOTTE and it is creeping me out because they are on RAP CITY ahh. What the heck. He's all 'gotta love those rock kids' or sumthin, it was weird and a half. I like this song!! Jadakiss' 'Why'. I'm gonna go do my profile. I am bored. Dust. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | There was one of these a WHILE back, so I'm due. Here ya go: I love you to death : Joe Broska Maureen Begley Nick Brown Matt Haley Greg Abdow Derek Santos Jess Pas Sam Gagen India Wright Katie Foley Anthony j. Crivello Greg Jarry Jake Griffin Egypt Monique Robinson Brian Nasuta and you know it. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I WENT IN THE BATHROOM AND CHOPPED OFF MY HAIR YESTERDAY! Don't kill me...you'll like it. It's all mad crooked and junk but it's me. Fitzy CONGRATULATED me when I told him because I finally just did what I've been wanting to do and I only didn't before because other people wanted me to keep it long and because I wanted it soooo long so I could braid it in a zillion long braids and whip them at people haha. But that's just not me. So I just did it and now it's gonw and whack but nonethelass gnarly and now I will stop complainging about how I want to shave my head. Mistress is probably coming over, but she's at home high off her ass so I don't know. Yesterday I watched: - the virgin suicides : i love cecilia. that movie is so gorgeous, but like lyrical poetry, it has no plot. - life as a house : holy crap holy crap holy crap I WANT SAM SO FUCKING BAD! Too bad I was watchin it with Cookie cuz that movie got me sooooo fuckin horny haha but seriously everything about him is PERFECT and the alyssa's all 'Ew. Hah! You're cleaning out the shower now.' Omg what I wouldn't give to be naked in a shower with SAM. - dead poet's society : I CRIED...a lot...NEIL OMG I AM SOOOOO SORRY!!! NEIL!!! This movie changed my life . HOLY SHIT. Neil is amazing. Anyway Derek says that Greg didn't drive home that night when he was drunk, so Greg, I'm sorry...but what was I supposed to think?!?! Joe Broska I will love you until the day I die. Dust. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Um...oh yeah, Friday I wasn't on half a bottle of Prozac. I was undermedicated. Last night though, I took extra Prozac and this is going to sound DUMB but I was seeing like dead people all over the place. It didn't help that a total of 8 people died yesterday in all those movies I watched yesterday but still...I was...ask Matt...I was halloucinating worse than I think I ever have and it was SCARY. Sorry for lying about Friday. I was messed up. I messed up. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | This morning I watched the MASTER OF DISGUISE like 3 times in a row and let me tell you...besides that one SHREK impression he does, that movie makes me so sick. Don't ask. ugh. Anyway then we had to bring THE ENTIRE BASEMENT upstairs to the garage and I ate some Corn Flakes (*curtsy*) so I was able to do it, but barely. Last night I was on the phone with Fitzy...(yes, i know)...anyway we were talking about stuff and I admitted to myself and to him out loud for the first time that I have a problem with this whole eating thing...I used the A-word, but I don't know. So last night I took the scale out of the bathroom and weighed myself and I weighed 94 pounds!! That's not only disgusting but it's scary. I don't know what to do. I ate an apple last night, go Megan, I know. Rar. Okay, so Matt and I are developing this plan to, because IRONSIDE didn't work out because I had VERY LITTLE CONTOL over the production of that, that there is something we CAN do. So...we are MAKING A MOVIE! We're not sure just who to cast or what it's going to be about. We're just making sure we have a camera and computers and time and music and all of that that we'll need before we get in too deep. Anyway, if you're interested leave me a comment. I need commitment on this. We can put this together in a week if we really try, so let's just do this. It will be a pretty short movie, which is good. If I have to do like a fun documentary type thing first or a slideshow, whatever, just for practice and such, then I will. I really want to do this, and this is a lot more practical than IRONSIDE was. So yeah...comment, let me know what you think or if you have camera/equiptment or whatever or if to want to be in it or have an idea for a plot or whatever. I don't know. I am so tired. I have been trying to write but I can barely get out of bed. I don't know how I moved all those boxes this morning. I have to go check my email and see if NP figured out about my stolen shit. I'll get back to you all. My neck hurts bad. Dust. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I don't even know what to say right now. Last night I talked to Joe again and that was cool because. . .yeah. . .anyway we talked a lot and he's like ok Bye megan and I'm like bye joe and hes like NO WAIT DON'T HANG UP and I'm like wait...wut? hes like AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING. . .? :-D :-D :-D Wo. So yeah. Today was boring. Bouught 40 one subject notebooks. haha. 40. Oh wait, it's like 9:23, supposed to have called Joe 23 minutes ago...I wonder if he's thinking about me. Probably not. I mean, he's at camp HELLO. Anyway yeah...I don't see why he couldn't just call me but I'll call him in a bit and be dumb cuz he probably won't even be able to talk or something with my luck, i don't know. I got in a fight with Greg this morning because of that voicemail I got before and supposedly he wasn't even driving, I don't know. Whatever, i'm too ticked to think. Um let's see...oh yeah, MARK called me today. We talked...well, he talked. I was a little more than 1/2 asleep haha so he's like u should dance since yer listening to ghetto music anyway im like ok so i did and then like passed out and he's still trying to talk to me and i'm like mark, hun, im sleeping. roar. anyway, then i talked to Mistress and SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND who mark says is going to hurt her so bad and ' shatter her heart into a million pieces ' but he's not going to tell her because everyone has to make those mistakes...only I want to save he but I don't have any evidence on why she shouldn't be with him except for what Mark told me so it will do NO GOOD as far as I am concerned right now. Hah, this morning I came across booktv on c-span2 and this dude Thomas Frank is a GENIUS let me tell you. :-D. I am now a 'contemporary conservative' haha. Anyway yeah, yesterday, MY PARTY WAS CANCELLED. Matt and Indie came and hung out anyway and it was kinda fun and I taught then gook (haha SAY INDIE GOOKS....hahahahaha) anyway, ya had to be there. So. . . . .boredom. Blah. I talked to loverboy a little bit...and by a little bit I mean a realllllly little bit. AHhHhHhHh...yeah. He really doesn't like me, but whatever. I'm over it :-D I have my JOE back! Well, I don't exactly have him back back but we have a *DATE* for when he gets back from camp. The first real *date* I've been on in a long time...like...raar. Last time I went on a real date...yeah...not fun. Steven Lucia I will hate you for as long as I am alive. I'm getting bored. I miss Joe. Heh, good old school Megan kinda luvin'. dust and lrr. oh yeah...and Joe, I love you. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | ps- my backpacks name is shanaynay. i love you and you know it. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | I am at Ross' house for some reason and I don't know why and I can't feel my tongue, I;m surprised I can feel anything at all, this is so gnarly, holy crap...haha. If I have another pixy stick I am going to DIE. But yeah, this is me updating, this is you sucking. DUSTER kicks booty, just like GANGURO GIRL, sexy bitches like wo. ANywho yeah wo. DUH. ahhh, water. ew that tastes mad weird. I think the inside of my mouth is like disintegrating. I am at ross' house, but I already said that. Haha. We were in Danielle's backyard n junk n yeah...CRICKETS!!! wooeewoowwooww haha wait i did that wrong. Ok this kid egypt and i used to stalk is here n was hanging out with us all night like....peter-paul-and-mary is his name or something, i dont know, its like weird cuz i used to stalk him and the words on this screenare all blurry and weird. I said blurry, haha..Joe and I aren't gonna go to the movies, he doesnt really wanna. We have only been here for like a few minutes I think, I don't know cuz i am bugging out. QUARTERS haha. We bought the DUSTER in Radio Shack in $7 in quarters. hah..Jesus' Middle Name IS H!!!!!!!! Like 'u wanna do something H!??!???!??!' I was wearing Danielle's clothes around the mall tonight and stuff....I am bored. Jesus wouldnt buy me a scratch ticket and some random lady has like this 2 inch talll chhiuaua named GOMEZ and I took him and ran around with him haha and the lady was mad n lookin at me funny and stuff and I bought those orange pants from the dollar store and was wearing them. Ross lit danielles hair on fire. it smells like fire. ew. ew. ew. ERINS ON brb.. fuck this im leavin dust (er) haaha! |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Heh, I finally heard that song MEN DON'T CHANGE again! It kicks booty, as does this game I am obsessed with...GANGURO GIRL (hell yeah!) Ok, tonight I am going to the mall then SLEEPING OVER DANIELLE'S HOUSE !! I am so excited and you are so jealous. I know. Okay Matt, in the words of Nick Brown, THIS IS ME UPDATING.. THIS IS YOU SUCKING.. ps...I got a new backpack today which shall remain nameless. I HATE ACTUAL DAVE n im not too fond of this new feller...nothing will ever replace DEREK even tho he's a loser, the end. Erm, blah. Heh, no. W/e and a half. Enjoy. I miss Mistress. Dust. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Nick Brown has disappeared again, apparently because of his computer this time, I don't know. Anyway, Dani, Lance and Ross I believe are going to play sum of the songs I wrote and I think Rose is gonna sing but I don't know, I've never heard her sing. Anyway, here's what I was working on today...its all just material that needs to be molded and stuff, but yeah, here ya go: I thought I was your ocean, your deep red sea Your walls dissolving into my waves, melting into me. I thought I was your filthy angel, lemonade tears and all you can eat. I thought you liked the way I cried, watering your seed. This was all to test my trust in you, To make me crave the lust in you. Please don’t let me fluster you, In your eyes I see how disgusting you’ve become. Your second chance blew up in your face. Standing pretty as I watch you fall from grace. In my black jeans, in your t-shirt, in my underwear of lace. I hope we never hug again ‘cause your embrace I am numb. You fed me fire till I burned You kissed me softly till it hurt You turned away when I tried to speak You loved me so strong I am weak You sang me all the songs I hate You tore out the pages of my fate I never liked your empathy Thanks for the pretend sympathy You taught me how to make-believe While I painted pictures of your deceit Step on a thorn, I’ll make you smile Wrap you up in nothingness And let you stay a while. Step on a thorn, bleed a while Wrap you up in nothingness, I can make you smile. Step on a thorn, bleed a while I bet I can make you smile. Your tranquility turns me on, I would like to make you scream. Nothing like a challenge To wake me from this dream. I’m waiting for the day you come find me and kill me I’m waiting for the night you go down on me and thrill me I’m waiting to be emptied and for you to refill me I’m waiting for a response from you, words that will chill me |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | one more thing... THE VILLAGE is an absolutely terrible movie. Don't waste yer quarters, hah! Erm, Zach's the man. Im prolly sleeping over DANIELLE's this friday. Word. Stroker and Hoop is FUNNY AS A MOTHERFUCKER. |
1,583,261 | female | 16 | Arts | Gemini | 02,August,2004 | Huffing is awesome! Heh...last night, wo. I mean like, heh. I'm stupid I know. Mistress is at God Camp, the other night I was over Mark's n she was there n we were chillin and it was coooool. Hmh. Long sleeves suck sometimes, but I am screwed cuz of what I did, and Mom is mad suspicious. Oh yeah, yesterday I got in a fught with her cuz of not eating...blech. Amy's gonna be home soon, I don't want this to be open when she gets home, n ima go get high cuz i have nothing better to do with my time. Dust. ps. there's a ladybug crawling along my monitor. |
3,528,826 | male | 37 | Government | Scorpio | 03,June,2004 | So going with the whole theme of getting healthier and more active me and one of my best friends went to a batting cage. Now for those of you who don't know what this is... it's a long room.. like a dog run.. surrounded by wise mesh fencing or like in this case, four seperate areas sectioned off by hanging industrial netting. R. decided to join a softball team for the Pride tourneyment coming up this weekend... which suprised me a little because he isn't the most sporty of fellows. If anything... he the most UNsporty of fellows. Yet he joined and I am proud of him for doing it. Part of that pride I decided was to go with him to practice hitting balls in the aforementioned batting cage. Well he was excited that I had offered to take him and as we pulled into the parking lot he started to get nervous. I understood his nervousness but didn't feel it myself. He was worried about getting gay bashed. Considering that these places aren't exactly a refuge for gay men, he was a little uneasy. I joked with him and said 'You really don't know how huge of a man I am do you?' For those of you wondering, I am 6'4' tall and weight (TODAY) 326 lbs. Refer to yesterdays post about my battle with that. We walked in and promptly went to the counter and asked about the process. It was simple really, give him money, we get tokens, and we put them in the carwashy type thingee, which in turn will allow us to hit 12 balls in a row. Doesn't sound that complicated does it. I think the scary part of it was the HITTING the balls part. Now I was NOT the most athletic of children nor did I emerge in my teen years... to be quite honest... I am STILL WAITING for it to emerge. Or I was. R. was up first. I put a token in and pressed the button. The machine at the other end of our section of the room started up and the arm scooped up a ball. Waited... waited... FLING! That ball was lobbed at R. with frightening speed. Please note.. it is IMPOSSIBLE for ANYTHING to be lobbed with speed. R. swung and the ball tipped off the bat YAAAAAAA!!!! and continued doing so with alot of self satisfication. I went in after he was finished.. prepared to be humiliated... BUT NO! I was connecting and nailing those f!ckers to the moon.. it was so gratifying... and then.... R. started missing the ball... with one $1.50 token 12 balls were lobbed at him... and he swung at them all... and missed every single one of them... My thing was... ok.. he is struggling... perhaps trying to help him would be good. WOW ... he got so mad when I suggested anything. He started giving up and thinking everyone was watching him and judging him... i started to get uncomfortable but wondered what it was going to take. So.. i kept buying tokens and gently encouraging him. He is such a smart man I knew he could figure out what he was doing wrong. He did. It took up us 288 pitches in that cage but he did it. He got it back and didn't give up. It was great. He was so elated. Sigh. we went back the next night and had as much more fun the next night... but holy snappin arseholes I was completely sore. |
3,528,826 | male | 37 | Government | Scorpio | 02,June,2004 | urlLink This was taken by the most WONDERUFUL of women urlLink |
3,528,826 | male | 37 | Government | Scorpio | 02,June,2004 | Today... and I guess a little bit over the last few weeks I have been trying to figure out how to make change in my life. I have been unsatisfied with my life in some major areas of it. Don't get me wrong... I have a great life. There are just parts I would like to change and I figure I just CAN'T get enough baring of my soul so I created this with the help of the BLOG folks. I will be coming on and posting pictures and diary entries for public displays of humiliation... also known as losing weight. My body and I have been battling for 37 years now and it's winning. Wanting to look all GQ or even remotely hot... would that be warm? Even LUKE warm would be nice. So. Here it goes. I am going to have to convince someone to take some naked pics of me first...yes.. me ... in all my glory (excluding the naughty bits) (i think). Keep me honest folks. Don't let me get away with things. I need some external eyes. |
3,528,826 | male | 37 | Government | Scorpio | 25,July,2004 | Feeling scared and lost right now... trapped in my home right now.. its a thing that happens occasionally. Can't seem to get myself out. Laying on the chaise watching tv... Lost... I am going to meet a friend for dinner. I have arranged to meet with a few fellows from online. They are sweet guys. I am looking forward to meeting them but my self esteem is getting in the way. I feel like a fat schlub. I seem to always put myself last in things. |
3,436,022 | male | 23 | Arts | Libra | 27,May,2004 | 31 hours awake..... :( the time at work seems to be going backwards. |
3,436,022 | male | 23 | Arts | Libra | 24,May,2004 | ps... I feel like shit.... Elle (my fiancé) had her end-of-vintage party last night and for some reason I couldnt get to sleep without her in the bed next to me so when Elle got in at 6am and I had to get up for work at 7.00am I officially did not go to sleep last night.... awake now for 28 hours. Im struggling :( |
3,436,022 | male | 23 | Arts | Libra | 24,May,2004 | Last night I went to see Salam Pax, the Baghdad Blogger. What a cool guy he is too... :) It was for the 'Big Book Club' roadshow thingy, where they take around certain authors to speak in citys and rural areas (like where I am). Salam spoke for around 40 minutes then followed with about 20 minutes of questions.... I would have liked to hear more from Salam but most of what he was saying could be found in his blog anyway... which brings me to my question (to myself and anyone else reading my blog... highly unlikely as that may be). I couldnt help but laugh at all these people buying Salam's book.... why don't they just visit his blog and read it on the net? Maybe Im just a tight arse that doesn't want to part with my hard earned cash! :) Anyway, Salam's talk was fantastic, and although I couldnt have stood up and asked some questions i chickened out for some unknown reason.... my questions were going to be. In Iraqi schools under the regime of Hussein, was world history taught in full or watered down to portray things as Saddam wanted them to be seen and also was this the case in any other way of life for the general Iraqi public? So Salam, if by chance you read this blog, I would love an answer to this question and thank you for a refreshing look at world affairs. bxx |
3,436,022 | male | 23 | Arts | Libra | 24,May,2004 | Saw this on my travels around the 'interweb'. This sentence.... 'What Ronald S. Burt, a sociologist at the University of Chicago has found, like Stoppard, is that most good ideas are not created out of nothing, but rather creativity comes from being in a 'structural/social hole'. By studying online social networks (such as Friendster) and large corporations (such as Raytheon), Burt found that more ideas came from groups that had very little to do with one another, but the ideas that were implemented came from groups that knew each other.' seems pretty obviously to me.... of course more 'fresh' ideas will come from groups that have had very little to do with each other... because when ones ideas merge with anothers they, I suppose, give birth to something else....we can take our expereinces and opinions use them as a base and build onwards and upwards with others ideas etc....... where was if you are in a group of people you know, all of you will tend to think the same (because having become known each other insists you have discussed ideas and opinions and already gone through this process of building) and no 'germination' of ideas occurs.... So, this says to me that in order to be a creative person, one must source out people that are different to us, pick their brains and get rid of them before they stunt our creative throughts unless they too meet new people and bring back to the group more understanding and fresh ideas :) It reminds me of a Nietzsche quote.... “The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.” |
3,436,022 | male | 23 | Arts | Libra | 23,May,2004 | I am terrible when I type fast... sorry...... and yes, I do know how to spell JPS's name.... Sartre :) |
3,436,022 | male | 23 | Arts | Libra | 23,May,2004 | and now Ive updated my profile, which I can click on my interests and see who else is interested in the interests i am interested in..... *chuckles* I click on Zarathustra and it came up with people who liked Neitzche, Heidegger and Satre and all my other favourite brains... :) this rocks.... now all I have to do is lead an interesting life, well interesting enough to write about anyway :) bxx |
3,436,022 | male | 23 | Arts | Libra | 23,May,2004 | Well, my blog is now started and I am just another blogger in this crazy old world filling up 'cyberspace' with my ridiculous ideas and infernal ravings about nothing.... YAY! My day has consisted of trying to dodge work.... I know, very naughty of me but hey, sometimes you are over the day before it's even started! |
3,646,194 | female | 23 | Arts | Gemini | 22,June,2004 | I want to live in France. They are trying to ban SUVs in Paris because they pollute, cause accidents, and take up too much space. Politicians in France begged the question, 'why would one want to drive a caricature of a car?' Culture vs. Consumption. Quality vs. Quanity. Life vs. Waste. Over-fed, brand-toting Americans who worship young teenagers with huge bank accounts are baffled to why anyone wouldn't want to drive SUV. Covet the consumer, they keep Bush in office, as they did Reagan. Lacoste is back. Neon pumps are too. Coke and meaningless sex was never as cool. Madonna's re-animated corpse is back. Demi Moore's snagglepussy is snatchin' around too. Where is the hell is there a Judd Nelson these days? Can Clay Aiken OD on Diet Pepsi and Gap cargos? Hopefully in Christopher Lowell's lap. Who the hell is Aaron Carter, why is he famous? Oh, because his brother was in boy band. Is he Marky Mark without the funky bunch and over-hyped body and face? I think he is more of a Corey Feldman bound to get married on a reality TV show in white knickers. But for now his fame goes with question and probably condoms. When is Kelly Osborne going to be destitute on heroin and get hit by an SUV? I want this circus to be over. To other countries America must look like it is run by a money hungry carnie. |
3,646,194 | female | 23 | Arts | Gemini | 16,June,2004 | Bill Clinton said Hillary made him sleep on the Presidential Couch because of his cheating heart. Presidential Couch my ass. He peaced to entirely different wing. The one where Hillary brought runaway girls and loose corporate wives. She didn't care, and I don't care. Does anyone have footage of Bush choking on a pretzel and falling on a glass table? Or how about him reading a book ABOUT A GOAT when planes were crashing into buildings? Let's get back to relavent issues. Enough with the careless Clintons. |
3,646,194 | female | 23 | Arts | Gemini | 16,June,2004 | I got to fight for my right to vomit all over myself. Last night I watched a TRL tribute to the Beastie Boys. I thought they were on a mountain, with a goat, trying to free Tibet and repent for their sins of misgynistic, lewd, bagel-loving lyrics. NO, I WAS SO WRONG. They were right here, in the BEST city in the world, New York City. They were in Times Square- art, music, and sprituality capital of THE world. What where they doing, you ask. Well.... they fit all three of their ailing bodies into matching outfits and rapped a little more wackness into the world. Not just any outfits, standard issue gray pants with white striped shirts. Standard imprisoned America look. Yet, they daringly capped off with matching cocked to the side trucker hats and coked out sunglasses (yes, at night). You might as well have gone to the Gap because you look like a bunch of pediphiles anyway, yo. Drugged up gay pediphiles. You soiled yourself. Nobody wants to see you when the parties over. You were Regan's illegimate jew party children who stole the black mans music and made a mockery of responisibility. Your the reason everybody's credit sucks. Reagan is dead and you should be too. |
3,646,194 | female | 23 | Arts | Gemini | 15,June,2004 | Well, here I am, in Union Square, New York City, New York. Wow one of the most exciting cities in the world. Donald Trump, caviar, helicopters, secret passages between buildings. Today my boss yelled at me cause two guys at work were 'taking far too many shits in the bathroom.' He continued, 'I am tired of them coming in and taking shits in the bathroom. Tell them to stop.' I asked if I could say the word dump or doodie instead. He said a dump or a doodie doesn't take a half hour. 'Taking shits in my bathroom stops or you stop working here.' So I put a sign up on the bathroom 'No More Crapping as per management. Please crap elsewhere.' I hope one of them has diarrhea on his desk. |
3,646,194 | female | 23 | Arts | Gemini | 14,August,2004 | Listen, this is not a topic I enjoy. Last night at Key Foods I saw Teenpons. Tampons specifically made for teens. And according to the cartoon on it is JUST FOR teens (of all ethnicities) who play soccer and cheerlead. I had to wonder, did scientist design a tampon specifically made for virgins? Does this mean old tampons that weren't designed for teen virgins took my virginity in Pearl River High School bathroom after 5th period. I am fucked. |
2,362,981 | male | 27 | Consulting | Scorpio | 31,October,2003 | urlLink REBECCA'S POCKET - ALL you need to know about urlLink blogging with compassion. |
2,362,981 | male | 27 | Consulting | Scorpio | 30,October,2003 | urlLink Inoperable Terran - 'Irony is the enemy of the (post)modern left.' -- 'Live from the home office, it's links and rants and other bloggy goodness.' |
2,362,981 | male | 27 | Consulting | Scorpio | 29,October,2003 | urlLink GNOSIS - 'Spilling out over the side to anyone who will listen' -- 'What does any of this have to do with a Weblog? I dunno. We'll see I guess.' -- checkout the insightful blogs urlLink 'Essays After Montaigne' based on the classic urlLink Montaigne's Essays . very interesting. |
2,362,981 | male | 27 | Consulting | Scorpio | 29,October,2003 | urlLink MonkeyX - 'A place for thoughtful monkeys discussing philosophy, current affairs, culture.' -- just because i didn't find any pages on this site when i looked for 'wilber', 'integral', 'samadhi', doesn't mean that this guy is not integral (whatever that means)... the integral community has a lot to learn from his blogs, especially the geek-kind. |
2,362,981 | male | 27 | Consulting | Scorpio | 29,October,2003 | urlLink ENLIGHTENTAINMENT.COM - 'the biggest secret is that there's no secret. -- Enlightentainment is dedicated to maintaining levels of absurdity with mystical insights. We provide awareness, plain ol' madhness, and chaos to generate a Society To Enlighten Virtually Everyone. Brought to you by mystics, madmen, and chaosophers, you will absorb this site, and gain and lose ideas as you go...' -- a funky website with cool images and Shaolin colors. Follow the urlLink Saga of the Whitetrash Dalai Lama . |
2,362,981 | male | 27 | Consulting | Scorpio | 29,October,2003 | urlLink White Trash Shaolin -- Visine for your 3rd Eye -- 'in the process of starting a (r)evolution of consciousness...who am i? ...wannabe mystic...bodhisattva-in-training...exploring the universe...making friends...listening to stories...being calm, cool and collected...eating, drinking, dancing and making trouble...expanding the mind...contemplating...sparring...observing paradoxes...keeping it on the down-low...who am i? just another whitetrash shaolin...not two not one...just another carpenter's son...' -- look in urlLink the mirror . |
2,362,981 | male | 27 | Consulting | Scorpio | 28,October,2003 | urlLink narcissusholmes - 'Everyone should read some Ken Wilber. I am reading 'Up From Eden - A Trans-personal View Of Human Evolution'. Pretty intense. If you think The Bible is good, you should read Wilber's 'Sex, Ecology, and Spirituality' - the stories are not as good, and there are no songs, but it's worth the time.' |
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