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SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Advice on Housing for Coachella? (x-post from /r/coachella and /r/festivals)
POST: So I'm going to Coachella this year with a group of 12 and we're currently planning on staying in 3 hotel rooms in Palm Springs. The rooms are, as expected, pretty pricey ($150/night) and being college students, we are having a hard time coming up with $1800 on housing for the weekend. We had high hopes of finding a house for rent in the area but cannot seem to find anything within our price range that isn't already booked. Also of note, although I would love to camp, the rest of my group (some more domesticated girls and guys) would rather sleep in than have to wake up to the heat early in the morning.
Does anybody know of any better sites or communities through which we might have better luck finding a house to stay at? We'd be looking for a 3-5 bedroom house for 4 nights. All of our group are responsible upperclassmen from Princeton University and we definitely do not fall into the drug-crazy partier stereotype of many festival goers. Really we're just looking for a place to knock out in between the insanity that is Coachella.
Our areas of interest in preference from best to worst are:
Indio
La Quinta
Indian Wells
Bermuda Dunes
Palm Desert
Rancho Mirage
Thousand Palms
Palm Springs
Cathedral City
Desert Hot Springs
TL;DR: | Looking for advice on how to more successfully find available housing around the Coachella Area (websites/online communities/redditors). Specifically, 3-5 bedroom house for 4 nights in one of the above listed areas. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: My ex-best friend seems to be depressed and we haven't spoken in almost a year and a half, how should I approach her to help?
POST: The background for this is pretty long and boring - but basically we were in high school and she and I had a stupid fight over something she wrote online about me. At the time she had been very distant and pushing me away, and in turn I had become quite cold. I was sad about how it ended then - it felt like unfinished business, you know? But at the same time it seemed impossible to repair when we had also just naturally grown apart.
A few nights ago I found her profile on a website, and it basically was full of numerous posts such as:
"Im so fricking done with this Im. so fricking done with SHIT I dont understand this I dont understand anything"
"life is such a pain"
and, most alarmingly, "I wonder if it would be okay if i died in my sleep"
There was also a post about how she felt alone but wanted company, but had no one to speak to. One of the biggest things in our friendship was our honesty with one another, and it's sad to see her this way.
Now, I don't actually think she'll do anything drastic, but I'm taking it really seriously. Me and another friend who has been with me since they fight spoke, and we have agreed we need to message her somehow, and also that it should probably be me (since we were the closest at the time).
I guess my question is: How do I go about this? Our relationship ended terribly, and though I know I MUST do something because she needs someone to speak to who will take her seriously (even if it's not serious), but I don't know how to go about it.
Also, I sent her an anonymous message already, but I don't think that's a fair way of encouragement because there's no way to really talk it out.
So, Reddit, how should I speak to her? What do you think is the best way to go about it without stepping on eggshells and making it worse?
TL;DR: | My ex-friend is depressed, haven't spoken to her in a year and a half, how do I help her without pushing her further away? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Me[27M],'s GF [24F] of a year, cheated, but told me
POST: We've been going out for just short of a year, we started going out about a month after she had moved into town. (11 months later)She took a trip to LA before she started school and ran into an old fling who she says she didn't know would be in the city at all. They got drunk (in a group with other acquaintances) and she went home with him and they had sex.
When we started to get serious 10 months ago she told me that she had feelings for someone else from her hometown, it was him. She told me she cheated a week after she'd been back, she had seemed a little off for the week in between, reticent. She said that it had been eating her up inside. I asked about how she felt about her fling, Mark, now and she said she didn't know, her feelings were too mixed up with guilt.
She doesn't have many close friends here, and flirted with depression as a teenager. After she told me about what happened on her trip, I told her I needed time and left. The next night we talked very briefly, I told her I loved her and that was pretty much all we said about it. Needless to say I'm still pretty torn up about it and am still not sure what to do, and still haven't told her I feel, but when I'm away I miss her, and when I'm with her I still love her when my mind doesn't wander.
The next night I noticed she had some shallow cuts on her leg, I asked her about how she got them and she said she didn't remember how she got them and asked my why. I told her they looked self-inflicted and she admitted that she had done them, and when asked said that she did it the night she admitted what she had done and I had walked away.
She's clearly contrite, but my trust and confidence are shaken. I do love her, but I don't know if it's even possible to make it right between us again. I just want to hear any kind of external input on this, my head is just going in circles.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend warned me, cheated on me, told me, and says she still loves me and wants to stay together. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Fellow males of Reddit, what arguments were you right in with a woman but lost?
POST: We all have those stories, because sometimes ladies be crazy. You were not in the wrong but had to apologize regardless.
I'll start first.
This happened last weekend while I was hanging out with friends. For some reason or another the topic of charlie horse (aka dead leg) came up and my friend said she had never gotten one. A grin from ear to ear appeared across my face, I told her to stand up so I can give her one.
Told her about it, gave her one and she almost started crying, saying it hurts and that I hit her to hard. I didn't hit her hard, that's for sure. However, she was wincing in pain for like 3 minutes and then acted all grumpy face for the next 40 minutes or so. In the meantime she was complaining about me giving her a charlie horse, even though she said it was okay to do it. My friend, trying to be the white knight told me to apologize, I said no. She said we weren't sleeping over (we sorta needed to because we were drinking a bit). A lot of fuss later I ended up having to apologize, which took me about 5 minutes because I tried to do it as horrible as possible, embellishing the apology, giving it in old English, etc.
TL;DR: | IF YOU SAID I COULD GIVE YOU A CHARLIE HORSE DON'T COMPLAIN WHEN I GIVE YOU ONE. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Dear Reddit, How do i become a stronger individual?
POST: Hi there reddit, I've realised that I have little to no self-esteem or self confidence. I find myself getting walked over by everyone and not being able to make my own proper decisions on my own.
An example is - I found my girlfriend sending dirty pics to another guy and I just forgave her because I didnt want an argument and felt so bad telling her she'd done wrong. She's basically just got away with it with no consequences at all apart from me asking why it happened. I even said to her "I'm not angry I just want to know why"
I'm 19 and I think my low self esteem comes from earlier in my childhood where my dad would call me names, hit me and get on my back about the smallest things. I remember him calling me a prick and a cretin.
Over time I think this has sunk in and I feel I can't do anything right and I rarely speak up to get my opinion across even if it's important.
I've been told I'm being too nice to people and as a consequence I just get walked over and no one really gives a shit. They just think "oh thats sam, i can do what i like because he won't complain or anything".
I need help building my self esteem reddit and I would be greatful if you guys could start me off?
TL;DR: | I lack self esteem to the point where I forgive my girlfriend for sending nude pics to someone else. I'm getting walked over and I want it to stop |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by drinking too much alcohol
POST: This happened on Boxing Day. I was at my ex-girlfriend's sister's house for a Christmas party and the guys there all got together as they do and start drinking. I'm naturally the shy type so I reluctantly hang out with them drinking to make my ex-gf happy, trying to be part of the family.
As I'm drinking I loosen up having a good time and they keep pouring me drinks. It was Jim Beam self mixed with Coke. Up to a point I couldn't pour my own drinks so the guys were pouring it and I was getting funnier and funnier because once I'm drunk I come out of my shell and do/say the funniest shit.
By the time it was time to go I had finished 1 750ml bottle of Jim Beam, and half the next 750ml. I don't remember the party but I do remember getting into the car.
I remember bits and pieces of what happened next but had to be told all the gory details...
When we got home I couldn't get out of the car by myself. My ex was trying to help me and I ended up hitting her in the head. She's by no means a pussy so she hit me back and dragged me inside with the help of her mum. They got me into bed and I was asleep and then it happened... I was on my back and volcano vomited everywhere.
I ruined my ex-gf's mattress and her and her mum dragged me into the bathroom and put me in the bath. I was naked, vomiting and trying to hit everyone.
Not my best moment....
TL;DR: | I drank too much, became a human volcano, ended up naked in the bath in front of ex-gfs mum. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23F] with my fiance [25 M] having trouble keeping my head on straight. Is sexting really as bad as physical cheating..should I move on from things I found out happened a year ago?
POST: See link below for the full story...I will also say I have posted about this before here, but I feel like I need more support and encouragement, or tough love..I just want to talk about it
(
I am basically losing my mind, trying to convince myself to stay in a relationship by telling myself "sexting isnt as bad as going out and having sex with someone" and "most of this stuff happened last year and he has changed" even though im still finding out about women he has emotionally cheated on me with from shortly after we broke up and got back together. For ex. just went through his google hangouts. He was flirting with someone before our short break up, after we broke up messages got more explicit, we got back together a week later but he was still talking to her in a flirtatious way and didnt tell her we got back together until she told him she got a boyfriend over a month later...like wtf...but I tell myself, that happened last year, he wouldnt do that now...except who really knows right..in the linked post, I talk about how he is still holding on to nude pics of a woman.
TL;DR: | trying to talk myself out of a breakup with a sexting emotionally cheating fiance because im weak..telling myself hes different now, but im still finding remnants of the past and the lies are becoming too much. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is it wrong of me [26/M] to feel disappointed after making a gift for my wife [25/F] on Valentine's Day and not getting anything emotionally or physically in return?
POST: I've been with my wife for nine years and married for the last three. We've done low key Valentine's Day stuff for a long time, like dinner and buy little nik-nak stuff for each other for fun. Both our birthdays are a few weeks after, so we've never spent a bunch of money of Valentine's gifts. Not deviating from that, this year I just took some time and drew a few cards to give to her throughout the day. Some were funny ideas I found online and others were sentimental. I also stamped our two dog's paws on a card with a poem I made up on the front. I claimed they made the card for her.
Anyway, I did this all for fun because I like making calligraphy art and didn't expect anything in return. However, after giving her all the cards, at the end of the day, I'm feeling a little empty after not seeing the response from her I was hoping for. First, she didnt buy me anything, which isn't what's getting to me, but its that she didnt try to return the love by giving me any extra attention or treating the holiday like it was anything but another day of the week. Before we went to bed, she did ask me for a special foot rub because "it is v-day" and I hinted she should return the favor and we could have some fun. She promised me a surprise after the foot rub, but after I was done, I climbed in bed, she complained about her job for a bit, rolled over, and went to sleep. I kind of laid there thinking I just wasted my time.
I know today is meant for the ladies but I was hoping for the satisfaction of her clinging on to me and tossing me some compliment or extra love. I guess my question is am I being selfish or too whiny? Is it just about her today and I should just deal with it?
TL;DR: | After drawing my wife a bunch of cards for v-day and giving them to her throughout the day, I'm feeling empty after she had nothing emotional or physical to give in return. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by getting drunk after my grandfathers funeral and breaking the fountain to my grandparents retirement community.
POST: My cousin and I decided to squeeze in one last shuffleboard game before he flew back to Korea. This was the first time we got to hang out in a long time. We got plastered and went for a walk to get some food. We decided it would be a good idea to go swimming in the ocean but couldn't find a way down so I opted for the huge ass fountain back at the retirement home instead. This was at about 3am.
I literally stood in it for 10 seconds as it was ice cold. We walk back inside and I'm completely soaked. After eating our hot pockets I say goodbye to my cousin and walk back to my guest room in my underwear. Then I drop the extra rice bowl I brought with me and pick it up as fast as I can to get to bed.
It wasn't until after my flight home that my mom gets a call from her brother saying that that the ceo of the company called to report vandalism and repair costs for the fountain which will be very expensive to fix. How a fountain completely breaks down from standing in it for 15 seconds makes my head scratch.
Anyways, my grieving family (there were a lot there) are apparently humiliated, not to mention my grandma who just lost the love of her life of 70+ yearsand now has to deal with this incident.
TL;DR: | I got drunk and accidentally broke a fountain. Now my family hates me and says I ruined the "final memories" of my grandfather's passing who was a well loved man in the community. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 F] looking to coexist in social situations with my ex [27 M] of a 6 month relationship.
POST: My ex dumped me two months back when he decided things weren't clicking with us, it was fairly quick and I left as quickly as I could to make it easier on him and neither of us have tried to contact the other since.
However, I'm getting quite tired of being left out of social events with our mutual friends (we have quite a few mutual friends from before we even dated.) In an effort to avoid contact I've foregone most social events I know he will be at to make things easier on both of us.
This week a friend is coming in from out of state for the first time in a year and I refuse to give up this chance to see them (social events will be the only times I can see them.) So now I am looking to break the silence between my ex and I so it won't be a nasty awkward situation.
Everyone is telling me its a terrible idea but I am tired of feeling like I am being punished for having been dumped and I personally feel emotionally ready to break the silence.
Any and all opinions for/against would be appreciated. Thank you.
TL;DR: | Trying to understand why when I am the one dumped I am told I shouldn't try to try coexisting in social situations with an ex from a amicable break up . |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [27/f] work with my boyfriend [33/m]. He just wrote a computer script that effectively eliminates my favorite part of my job, but he doesn't know that
POST: I am a graduate student in the biological sciences, my boyfriend works in my lab and is a post-doc (he has a PhD already and is sort of "one rung" above me, but not my superior).
He just wrote a computer script in R that takes my raw behavioral data from my experiments and analyzes everything I need instantly and just spits out all the numbers for you. Amazing, right? Every scientist's dream! Not quite. For each experiment I work for about 2 weeks planning and setting things up, doing surgeries, running behavioral assays, etc. When I finally get my data, it is the culmination of all of that work. I analyze it in a way that is not immediate, not necessarily efficient, but is absolutely and completely satisfying. All told it can take me about 1-2 hours to complete what he can do in seconds. But it is the only remaining "high" that I get from my work and the rush, even when the data is negative, is what keeps me doing what I do.
How do I tell him I don't want to use his script? He's been working on this for a bit now, and is VERY excited about it. How do I tell him he's ruining one of my last few true scientific pleasures without it sounding like I don't support his own equally valid work?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend works with me. He unintentionally replaced my favorite part of my job with a computer script. He doesn't know, and I don't know how to tell him how much I care about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My SO [21/F] (of 3 years) has been really secretive about some things on Facebook and I [22/M] don't know what to do
POST: She went on holiday and met this guy named for purpose sakes 'J'. She didn't tell me about J at all and became friends on Facebook. She hid that they became friends.
Anyway I was at a party with her friend and she showed me all the messages that the friend and my SO had been sending to each other. Most of the messages throughout the duration of the holiday regarded person J. My SO said firstly, to delete these messages so I would never read them. Secondly she said Ed was really hot and how she wishes she was single. Thirdly she rambled on about him for another hour. I now have no idea what to do.
She promises nothing happened and I do believe her to an extent. But if that was the case, why the secrecy over the messages? Surely my SO and J must have had something going on if she was being so secretive about it. I'm as you can expect absolutely devastated. Im not a clingy person... we both have male/female friends and we both get plenty of our own space.
What should I do? Im really confused and hurt. \
TL;DR: | SO of 3 years has been suspicious with a guy but I don't think she acted on it. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My girlfriend [21/F] doesn't want to have sex with me [20/M]. It's been 4 months.
POST: Sorry for mistakes! English isn't my native language.
Well, the issue is she is afraid of getting pregnant. We're both virgins but she wants to have sex with me. We're giving each others orgasms. Oral and masturbation. She has a disease so she can't use birth control pills and she thinks condoms aren't gonna be safe enough. Also, her family is religious and I think the idea of getting pregnant scares her a lot. I try to talk to her about it but she just shuts herself down and says she can't do it. I try to be gentle as I can and don't push her into it. I want this to be mutual.
I really love this girl and I "feel" like I can spend rest of my life with her. I just want this to work and I think I can give her what she needs. But it's eating me up that we can't have this thing we both mutually want.
I started to feel down most of the time. I don't know why but I'm at a point where I want to have sex with her no matter what. And this is dangerous and I'm fucking scared that I'm gonna screw up big time.
Well, her period is very close and she is very emotional right now. And today she said that she knew I was not telling something to her. We talked a lot and she just felt sad most of the time and we both cried multiple times. I actually don't know if it went good or bad but I said what was on my mind while trying give her some space.
I don't want to manipulate or trick her into it. I really want this to be with her own decision. I try to talk but nothing works that I know. I'm stuck here. Can you help me reddit? Pretty please?
TL;DR: | My girlfriend is afraid of getting pregnant and won't have sex with me. What can I do to show her that it's normal and we should not be afraid to live our lives? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 M] with my recently LDR [22F] 1 year, Found out that she is cheating on me within 10 days of leaving.
POST: Turns out that my now ex-gf, slept with her new boyfriend on our anniversary night. On her facebook it says we are still dating, but according to her brother, it says she is single. She just moved back to Brazil after a 1 year relationship and was planning to move back with me after 1 year. I am assuming this new guy that she is dating does not know about us.
My question is now, should i contact this guy and tell him about this. What worries me now is that this is not the first time that she has cheated, and she had admitted to cheating in past relationships as well.
TL;DR: | Found out my now ex-gf is cheating on me after 10 days moving to Brazil. Facebook page says single, only says she is dating me on my facebook page. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [35 f] with my SO (36M) for 8 months. I Just found out my boyfriend is secretly monitoring the miles on my car ! He's been taking pictures on his phone. A friend of his called me up and told me. What do I do ?
POST: [
TL;DR: | I know what needs to be done, but I guess I'm in shock of it all. I really haven't cheated on him. I just never thought a person would go this far. Has this happened to anyone ? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My husband [33/M] and I [27/F] had yet gain another argument about his ex.
POST: Weve been married 3 years next month and I need to figure out how to stop being hurt about the fact that his Ex is good friends with him and has tried to see him in private. She has also blown off all my attempts to befriend her to prove to myself that she's not interested on him still. Yet she refuses to talk to me and just says she doesnt want to start a fight. Which I cleared in a friendly message stating that I was not after drama that since all his friends have gotten to know me and I them she was the last one left for me to meet and she just went dark. No reply no nothing. He says she's not into him and that he's ignoring her and when I told him about how cold she's been towards me he justifies her. He also told her that I am jealous about their friendship which he admitted to being a shit thing to say to her.
Oh yeah she also sent him like 12 selfies from her trip in Europe. Oh and she's marrying my husband's cousin to be able to legally leave their shit type country.
What I want to know is how do I stop giving a flying fuck about some bitch in another country that still has feelings for my husband and how do I get over him being good friends with someone that doesn't give a fuck about me.?
TL;DR: | Husband is good friends with his ex whom has shown interest in him still and I am trying to not give a fuck because we fight about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by meeting a friend for a drink
POST: This happened 20 minutes ago.
So I am meeting this friend after a month or so, we catch up over a drink. While chatting I feel something move near my leg, I shake my leg and ignore it as a figment of imagination. Feel something moving near my ankle, ignore it again. About 10 mins later, i feel something slithering near my thigh. I jump out of my chair, run around dancing, stomping and completely making a fool out of myself. My extremely puzzled friend stares at me and continues telling me about how i really should watch breaking bad. By now, every little sensation is being amplified by my troll brain and I am extremely creeped out. I whack my thighs to smack them into their senses. Then a few minutes away it all goes away. Then I walk home, talking to my SO on the phone. I completely forget about this incident.
I am changing into my pyjamas at home to prepare for bed, about to turn of the lights when I see a bloody mangled gecko in 3 pieces on the floor. My sweat was now breaking bad! ARGH. Went took a shower, and repeatedly scrubbed my thighs and legs. Everything feels creepy now.
TL;DR: | Gecko climbed into my jeans, up my thigh. I whacked it to death without realising and now am immensely creeped out. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [24 M] girlfriend [20 F] of 2 years thinks I'm not trying.
POST: So my girlfriend of 2 years and i have been fighting a lot lately, when the majority of our relationship has been quite good. After some time our relationship was forced into turning in to a long distance relationship, and with that fighting started.
Lately she has told me she seriously has considered breaking up. She says she loves me more than anything and i know thats true. But she says the way our relationship is making her feel is killing her. She has told me numerous times that i need to do things to show her i love her, and not just say it. We would have this argument a lot and it always ended up in her telling me that i fix it for a week or two after the fight and then get lazy and go right back too it. I don't realize this. In my mind i dont ever see myself stop showing her but she is telling me i am.
To add on to this, she thinks i dont pay attention to her or care for the things she is saying. For example she will tell me something pretty big and important and we will be on skype or a phone call, and i wont react right away, i'll stay quiet for a second because said thing surprised me and i didnt know how to react.
She will get mad at me for this and tell me, at least act like you care and are listening, and she will say just acknowledge her, when i see myself doing it, sometimes it just takes a second for me to react because of how great it is. Lately i have been doing everything i can to show her how amazing she is to me because she really is incredible i just dont know what to do anymore to be good enough.
This has dropped me into a pretty big pit of depression and i am doubting myself a lot know, i've always doubted myself but never this much. I feel like i'm not good enough for the girl i once thought i was perfect for. It is killing me to make her this upset and i don't know what to do to be better.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend of 2 years is thinking about breaking up with me because she thinks im not trying. I feel like I am. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I recently had a very obvious fraudulent payment made on my debit card, and Visa have refused to reimburse me. Is there anything I can do?
POST: Let me just throw a few facts out there. I live in England, and have (had) a Google Checkout account. I logged into my online banking account with Nationwide, to see that a charge of £78.85 had been made to an American company with a conversion fee. It was labelled as GOOGLE *JCT Gaming. My Google account was hacked and the password changed. I tried to recover it, but unless you know exact information, it's fruitless. They turned me down 3 times.
Immediately I knew something wasn't right, so I rung Nationwide and let them know a fraudulent payment had taken place. They were very quick to cancel my old card and send me a new one with a different card number which I appreciated. About 3 weeks later, I received a letter saying that the investigation was still taking place, and in the mean time I would be given the $129.98 (£78.85 to me) back in good faith. I pretty much assumed that would be the end of it.
A further 2 weeks later, I received another letter. It stated that they believed the transaction was a genuine one, and that I would have to repay the money I was given within 7 days. I wasn't happy with this AT ALL, so I rung the number on the letter. Nothing. It just kept going and going. I figured it must have been out of work hours. So I rung every day for a week with no answer. I then moved on to writing a letter, which I never got a reply to. It got to the point where I rung a totally different department to get information. I managed to get a different number for the area I was supposed to be ringing originally.
The woman there told me that there was nothing I could do. Visa had ruled that the transaction was genuine and that was the end of it. There was nothing more I could do.
Here is an image of the invoice they sent me as evidence:
So my question is, can I not sort this out on my own? Or was the bank the only way of doing it?
TL;DR: | Someone from America bought an XBOX on my English debit card, and the bank told me it was a valid transaction by me. I had to pay for the XBOX. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] with my Girl Friend (kinda) [20F] of 1 month working out how our relationship works
POST: I met the most amazing girl through tinder. I fell in love with her and we have been a thing for a bout a month. She lives a ways away and we have never met in person (we have skyped and talked on the phone quite a bit). She will be moving about 30 minutes away not too long from now (not because of me but because she wants a change of scenery), so she will be closer.
I feel like the relationship is a lot more on her terms. We have talked about it plenty, but it keeps appearing in different ways. I always make sure to respond to her texts fast, but it feels like she doesn't care about texting me as much as I care about texting her. Furthermore, she will make plans to skype me or call me on the phone, then just completely cancel them. I think it's disrespectful to cancel plans at the last minute when I work my ass off so she can be apart of mine.
I feel like she is losing interest in me. It doesn't help that she was out of a 2 year long relationship two months before her and I met. It makes me feel like I'm an extra in her life. I also feel like a rebound.
TL;DR: | I feel like I'm more into the relationship than my girlfriend is. Am I expecting more than I should? How can I get to better spot with her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18 M] am moving to London for Uni and my bf [20 M] has started to act distant and hostile.
POST: We have been dating for 11 months. This is our first big problem within our relationship. We met in our home town, however I have always planned on moving away to a local city for University, however I got my first choice offer in London.
We had a long conversation about what we wanted to do if I move and it eventually ended with "We aren't breaking up and we will face that problem when we need to."
However the past 2 weeks he has been getting more and more distant, becoming more hostile towards me and making me not want to talk to him.
To give examples he has started to just cut me off mid sentence and get aggravated over the little jokes we used to do. I find myself getting annoyed over how he can disregard everything I say and just push his argument forward.
I am very much in love with him and I think he is in love with me. Neither of us want to break up, but I don't want to miss out on my first chance to live in London and experience student life just because of a relationship that may fail within the first 6 months of me moving.
TL;DR: | I am moving to london for a 5 year course, BF is getting distant and hostile ever since we agreed to not break up and just see how it goes |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Petty arguments
POST: Background: I [24 M] and her [23 F] met online a while ago and hit it off immediately. Had instant chemistry and enjoyed talking to eachother. We talked every day for atleast 5 hours. After a little bit of time passed we both admitted to feelings for eachother. I flew out to meet her and it was amazing. We had the best time together. From that moment we became official. A year passed and I didn't want to wait anymore. I knew I wanted to spend my life with her, so I proposed. She jumped up and down with glee and said yes, hugging me tightly. Fast forward to now.
We still live apart, in separate countries and see eachother for a chunk of time every month. Now I don't know if lately we've been going through a rough patch but it seems we just bicker about little things. We don't even bicker about serious matters if they ever come up. We just accept it and apologise and then move on from it. But little things, like saying a sentence in a wrong way can start an argument and I don't know why.
I don't like it because I love her with all my heart and I hate arguing so we just let it go after a few minutes and then go back to normal for the rest of the night. We never stay mad at eachother for longer than 10 minutes and we never go to bed on bad terms, always smiling and joking and teasing and just back to normal.
But I want to be able to avoid the arguments all together, I hate them happening. Is it just because we're apart so we're a little bit frustrated? We've never argued in person, we get along famously in person.
Hoping someone can give me some insight. Thanks.
TL;DR: | Fiancee and I argue about tiny things, I don't like it and want to know if it's due to frustration of being apart or what. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [34/F] with my new Neighbors [40's M&F] of 3 months, constantly have horrible/loud fights with their kids in the house
POST: I live on a shared piece of property where there is a main house [duplex] and my cottage. The houses are fairly close together but are separate structures.
A few months ago a new couple and their 2 [under 12 y/o] daughters moved into the bottom apartment of the duplex. Every few days they have HORRIBLE fights. With all my doors and windows closed I can hear them yelling over my TV.
Tonight I heard them fighting so I opened he door to listen. As they were arguing I heard he wife tell the husband not to touch her and started freaking out and some sort of scuffle ensued. The girls started yelling for them to stop but they were still freaking out on each other. It doesn't sound like they are abusing the kids physically so I haven't called the police. Plus I really am not fond of involving police.
Should I confront them? Talk to my landlord? I have no idea what to do but it breaks my heart that these little kids yelling for their parents to stop hitting each other :(
TL;DR: | New neighbors fighting EXTREMELY loud while young children present yelling for them to stop. I really don't want to involve police. Should I confront them? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: I (m21) might like this girl (f24) who has a boyfriend. Should I make a move?
POST: Okay, so there is this girl who is in one of my classes who I fancy. We are in a group so I have known her for about 3 months. She is extremely cute and i feel happy whenever I am talking with her. I have been thinking about her a lot lately. I have her phone number (group project) and she added me on Facebook. I want to text her but I am not too sure if I should. I would sometimes text her about school stuff and slowly change the conversation to others stuff. I would then end the conversation quickly to not come off as desperate (I hate playing mind games, but I have to). I try to read her body language and I know she isn't completely repulsed by me, but I cannot tell if she digs me. Should I still text her and see if anything will happen if so, say what? Is she just being nice to me for the sake of school? I am not saying I want to marry or even make her my girlfriend. I want to just take her out on a date and show her my romantic side.
TL;DR: | m21 likes a f24 who has a boyfriend. Known each other for 3 months and wants to find out if she has any feels for him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What is are the possible career options for studying IT Security or IT Technician?
POST: Pretty large question to ask but currently I am studying computer science, I am one year in the program and starting to not enjoy it. I love computers but I can't stand the ambiguity of the assignments I am given and debating on whether I should switch to something more hands on. I am mostly concerned with career options once I am finished and whether or not I will be happy with it. What are some the pros and cons of IT Security and Technician? What are the potential salaries I would be looking at? And where can I end up once I complete one of the programs?
TL;DR: | Not liking computer science a year in, is switching to a IT Technician or IT Security program a good idea? What career/salary do I have if I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Need advice on how to proceed: my boyfriend[25M] and I[20F] share a house with a friend[24M]; his girlfriend[23] has a crush on me and we made out last night. What do I do?
POST: So we'll call her Jane.
Jane and I get along really well and she's a really cool girl/good person. We've known each other for almost a year.
A couple weeks ago, she drunkenly asked me if I wanted to make out, and I was completely caught off guard and said I didn't think it was a good idea because our boyfriends are roommates.
Last night, we all made dinner together and drank a bunch of wine. The boys left and we were sitting, talking about some heavy stuff, and she asks if she could kiss me. I just leaned forward and kissed her and it was nice, and fun cause I was really drunk. The night continues and we drink more and talk more and kiss a couple more times and then make out. I don't know how I feel about this.
I've never really been with a girl seriously, like more than a fun dare or something. Nothing real.
I don't think I'm crushing on her the same way she is on me, but I just never thought about it before. It was really nice kissing her, but I'm scared this could ruin our friendship or her relationship. (my boyfriend doesn't care)
On the other hand, I'm really curious and kinda excited about it.
Halp!
TL;DR: | Roommate's girlfriend has a crush on me, I don't know how I feel, excited/curious or scared it could wreck everything. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] with potential girlfriend [18 F] But I'm nervous to get heartbroken again.
POST: Hi, what's up guys. Thanks for all the help Reddit is sick.
So, 8 months ago my first love broke up with me. Just to say, I was a wreck. Easily got depressed for maybe 3 months before I snapped out of it a little and it took me around 7 months to get comfortable and not give a crap about her or what she does with her life.
I've been speaking and hanging out with this girl for a while. I like her. She's beautiful, sweet, she's kind. I wanna ask her out, I know she likes me but I don't want to get close to someone again to watch her leave. Sorry if this sounds cringy lol. I guess I don't want to get close to someone (intimate, love etc...) because I do not want to go through that again.
I'd just like some advice from people who've been in the same shoes as me. Suggestions? Advice? It's unlikely to work since we're both in university right?
TL;DR: | might start dating this girl, but I have commitment issues. I don't wanna be hurt and I will definitely not hurt her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22 M] told my long time high school crush [22 F] how I felt. Now I'm not sure where to go from there.
POST: I apologize in advance if I posted in the wrong sub.
**Background**
I've always been a shy guy with little confidence so having a crush on someone all throughout high school was difficult. We've known each other since kindergarten but she was part of the popular group, and I obviously was not. I was too self-conscious to say anything to her so nothing developed.
**Couple Days Ago**
Fast forward four years, I was thinking about my high school days and thought about her. My confidence has improved since then so I all of a sudden decided to message her through Facebook and tell her I how felt at the time. She responded, saying she was glad I told her and that I made her day with the message. I asked if she would like to stay in touch and she said said yes; so we added each other on Facebook. I felt so happy.
I haven't messaged her since then because I don't want to come off as too clingy. I would eventually like to ask if she wants to hang out sometime and catch up. But since I've never really talked with her, I'm having a hard time trying to come up with a good conversation (I have a hard time socializing with people). Not to mention all the group photos of her with other guys is a bit discouraging. What do you guys think is a good approach?
TL;DR: | Told my long time crush how I felt through Facebook. Felt awesome. Agreed to stay in touch. Now what? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by eating the body of Christ
POST: This fuck up was actually about 8 months ago, but still makes me cringe every time I tell someone about it.
Some background: I am an atheist, and even in my childhood my family was never religious. My now ex-boyfriends family is Ukrainian Catholic.
Fast forward to my boyfriend at the time's grandmother's funeral. In a Catholic church, of course. The lady was always very nice to me, so of course it was a sad occasion. My boyfriend was a pallbearer, so he was at the front, and I was stuck sitting next to my boyfriend's sister's. They were distraught, obviously.
Now, Ukrainian Catholic funerals are confusing as hell to us atheist's (pun not intended). All of the sitting down, standing up and repeating unintelligible words is hard to follow. I had no idea what was going on 90% of the time. That's where the fuck up comes in.
The priest guy asks everyone to make a line, so he could bless people or something. He then says that if you don't want to eat the bread of Christ to put each hand on the opposite shoulder, making an "X" across your body. I really didn't want to get blessed, but didn't want to offend any of his family by conspicuously staying in my seat while everyone else was in line.
When it comes to my turn, I am rather flustered, but make sure to make a definite "X" with my arms across my chest. I was looking down, and not making eye contact with the priest. All of a sudden I feel a papery tasting wafer being shoved between my lips. WTF. I had no idea what to do. I chewed, I swallowed, then I sat back down.
I'm definitely going to hell.
TL;DR: | I'm an atheist who ate the body of Christ at my Ukrainian Catholic ex's grandmother's funeral. Definitely going to hell. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Do I have Math Anxiety? What do I do?
POST: For the last couple of day, I have been going to my research statistics class and not understand a word that comes out of the professor's mouth.
Every time I open up my textbook or listen to online lectures, I'm instantly filled with frustration. I can't dedicate five minutes to trying to understand a problem without being brought to tears out of anger. I know that this isn't rational. I know that I have to just calm down and think positively. I just can't. I have always been horrible at math. I barely passed my last Statistics class with a C because my professor curved me.
When I go home and search for information online, I find that some of my problems have solutions so simple that it frustrates me to the bone why he has to make it so much more complicated than it needs to be. Yet, I can't learn all of my information from the internet. It just gets so complicated that I need a person to explain.
I can't explain what happens to me when the math gets too complicated. I get into fits of rage. I feel so ridiculous for reacting this way, but I don't know how to ask anyone else for advice out of fear of being ridiculed.
I don't have enough time for a tutor. I have work and school. I'm also taking part of this class online as a lab portion of this course. I feel like I have no time for anything. Every solution I could possibly think of would have take hours out of my day that I don't have.
TL;DR: | I'm pretty sure it's math anxiety and I have no idea how to deal with it. Afraid of telling anyone. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Working from home, next door neighbor's dog barks all day (audio included). How to handle?
POST: Audio clip:
We bought a home in a relatively nice neighborhood this March, and I work from home.
Turns out our neighbors leave their 2 year old springer spaniel outside all day when they're at work/school, regardless of the weather (it's about 30F/0C right now). He barks all day, every day. Once, the dog barked for an hour straight at 4AM and nobody came out to take care of it, maybe they were on vacation or something?
We haven't had much interaction with this neighbor other than waving to each other once in a while. They seem pretty nice (to humans), though.
Assuming we may both be living here for the rest of our lives (and we're considering getting a dog of our own), what would be the best way to handle the situation without offending them?
Assuming I do talk to them about it, what could they even do about it? They won't be able to keep someone home with the dog and I doubt they can keep it inside.
TL;DR: | Next door neighbor's dog barks all day every day, need advice on how to resolve the problem without hard feelings. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by getting mad at my mom
POST: OK, so this actually happened yesterday.
I was feeling a stomach ache coming on, and I went downstairs to take a couple of pills. I'd already taken two earlier, and they weren't helping. My mom said that I really shouldn't take those pills, which really annoyed me, and I told her that I was taking them anyway, and I went to grab a glass from the cupboard.
While I was waiting for the water to get cold, my mom kept nagging me about the dangers of taking to many pills like that, I could become immune, etc. My mom always does this, and I'm always mad at my mom, and of course this wasn't helping. So, this is where the fu comes into the picture.
I was gonna tell my mom to shut up, and for a second I forgot I was holding the glass in my hand. I slammed my hand into the cupboard, a little too hard, and the glass just exploded in my hand. There was a brief second of pain, and then a lot of blood. And we're talking A LOT here. I was freaking out and shaking my hand all over the place, and I run to the bathroom.
Turns out I got a pretty deep cut in my palm from breaking the glass, and it's bleeding like crazy. I wait for the bleeding to stop, and freak out some more because I thought I had to get stitches (I have a really bad phobia of needles), but luckily I only had to put a bandage on it. On the plus side, I never got that stomach ache (:
TL;DR: | Mom makes me mad while holding a glass, I end up with a bad cut and a bandage on my hand... |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [30M] trying to make sense of my gf's [31F] "moods"
POST: My gf and I have been dating for 7 months. We fell in love pretty quickly. Everything just seems to be going great until she starts to have one of her "moods." What I mean by "moods" is she becomes quiet and upset for no apparent reason. One moment she's talking and laughing, then the next she's upset. I ask her if she wants to talk about it but she says it's nothing. I then say, "ok, well if you need anything, let me know. I'll listen." I ask her if she needs some time alone. She says no. At this point I get little annoyed. "What do you want me to do?" She says, "I don't know. I just don't feel like talking and my mood is not great right now." I ask her well what's bothering her and again, she's says "nothing"
I honestly don't get it. Is it possible just get moody all of sudden for no apparent reason? There has to be something deep rooted that's causing all this right?
I asked her if we can talk about this and how we can make it best for her and she said, "I don't know how you can make it better." I ask her, "do you want me to give you space, or do you want me talk to you?" "I don't know. We shouldn't have a game plan for this kind of stuff. I just don't know."
What do you guys is the solution here. Or am I crazy?
TL;DR: | gf becomes quiet and upset for no reason. She says there no way to solve this problem because nothing is bothering her but I think otherwise. She won't talk about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Esteemed elders currently on Reddit, what was Internet discourse like before the advent of "Eternal September"?
POST: For those who have never heard the expression, the context of "September" originates from new internet users who joined Usenet forums as university freshmen, and came to either a) acclimatize to well-established standards of online etiquette, or b) reject the forums as they could not fit in. "Eternal September" is derived from September 1993, when a flood of new Internet users (via ISPs such as AOL, Compuserve, etc.) joined Usenet, and breached the standards of etiquette, leading to a percieved degradation of general online behaviour.
I ask because the question of proper internet etiquette been coming up quite a bit recently. As a redditor who has spent nearly 3 years here (through several accounts), I have lived through the Digg v4 genocide, Saydrah/SEO, Carrots/Waffles and the Obama AMA. During that time, I have noticed that increasingly more, users come to reap the most karma by complaining about reposts, frequently posting obvious comments that don't otherwise contribute to the discussion, and employing multiple novelty accounts. As discussed earlier today, posts now even regularly include racial slurs to gain upvotes through sheer shock value.
The admins aren't to blame, neither are the mods. In fact, they encourage people to abandon the default reddits in order to discover more well-cultivated, smaller subreddits. They work hard to support this community, even as we seem to be known more for "le Reddit army!!11" posts on YouTube than anything else these days. No, it's us. Time and time again, internet contributors have decided that instead of working out, we would rather become gluttonous, feeding on junk posts and accepting that we are unable to change. Which, as any member of r/loseit will tell you, is a very dangerous mindset.
TL;DR: | I aim this question to you, elders of Reddit. What was it like before the obesity epidemic of "Eternal September" hit the internet? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Next weekend, how do I react to an ex girlfriend who is now going out with a guy - that we all know - who's name differs to mine by one vowel?
POST: A bit of background here for you all. The ex girlfriend broke up with me due to the distance at university, to much to cope with apparently. Anyway time has passed so I'm over all that. She dropped off the grid from the friendship group we had so in the break-up I guess I got to keep all the friends we made.
Feeling guilty I guess she now wants to get back in touch with everyone she ditched and bring along her new boyfriend, which I have just found out tonight is a guy we all know from school and happens to have the same name as me bar one vowel in the surname, so saying it sounds identical.
So my question is how is the best way to react to the both of them when our group of friends gets together before the holidays?
TL;DR: | ex gf is now dating a guy I know with the same name as me and they are coming on a night out with friends next week |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24 M] am in love with my best friend [24 F], who is in a relationship with someone else.
POST: I've been in love with this girl for over an year now. She has been in a relationship with another guy all this time. It started off as a crush and then we began talking almost daily and eventually I fell for her. She fell for me too. But then a few days ago - everything changed. She said she cant do this to her boyfriend so she cut me out. I was like okay that makes sense and was trying to move on.
Then after a few days she again starts texting/calling me just like old days. I entertained this for a few weeks and then I asked myself "where do I see this going?". When push comes to shove she will again ditch me for her boyfriend. So I completely cut her out of my life and we haven't been talking for a couple of weeks now. She clearly has feelings for me (drunk dialing etc) but she will never break if off with her boyfriend (bcoz she says she will feel guilty for breaking his heart). I don't know what to do. It's not my decision to make.
I miss her a hell lot! She has always been my best friend. And I BADLY want her to be a part of my life. But at the same time seeing her with another guy is very difficult for me.
What should I do?
TL;DR: | I love a girl (my best friend) who is in a relationship with someone else. She loves me too but will never act on it. Should I cut her off or keep her in my life as a friend? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [26F] am having trouble getting over him [27M]
POST: So without going into great detail about this guy, we met online, and we had been talking for a while. It was great, there was a mutual attraction we had a LOT in common. I had great hopes of meeting the guy, and all of a sudden things changed. He distanced himself a little, but then slowly came back and we resumed talking. We talked about everything and I was always happy to hear from him. Up until he told me that he started seeing another girl. He apologized and said he had no intent on hurting me, and he really did like me but he had to be realistic in that we were too far apart and it may never have worked out. I couldn't deal with it, so I told him I needed some space.
The thing about it is that I want to get over him, and move on, but I want to stay friends with him. Despite the fact that I'm left heartbroken, he was honest with me from the beginning, and I respect that a lot. This is a guy I could talk to all day and not get tired of him, and he feels the same about me. He's a really great guy and I want to keep him in my life but I'm having difficulty letting go of him in the romantic sense.
It's been a week now since we've spoken and I miss him every day. And I get so close to messaging him, but then back out because I know I'm not ready.
Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this sort of situation?
TL;DR: | My online crush didn't work out, I'm hurt, but I want to get over him and still stay friends with him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My bf [25M] of 9 years blames me [25F] for no sex. I have low sex drive, should I be to blame? Advice?
POST: My bf has a higher sex drive than I do, and expects me to initiate sex even when Im not feeling into it, or to have sex with him even though im not into it. He says I will eventually get horny if he just begins to have sex with me.
I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), my mood is affected everyday, i get depressed and very emotional. it also effects my sex drive.
Problem is, if he initiates and I dont want to do it, he gets upset. He doesn't even try to make me horny sometimes. He expects me to act like I want it, even if I really dont. He doesnt want to put the effort in cos he feels like i am purposely not putting the effort in.
If I get horny, and I then initiate, he gets upset and pushes me away. He blames me for still having condoms left over. He doesn't understand that I dont initiate a lot of the time because I dont have the drive to do it, but he does.
Should I be the one to blame? How do I fix this?
TL;DR: | BF blames me for lack of sex, pushes me away when I am horny, my sex drive is low due to PCOS. How to fix this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: I just don't seem to be on a very good track
POST: I don't know why, but it seems lately i've been steadily slipping down a slope of failure and self-pity. And that slope is a slippy one. Coming from a full family of 5, and being the oldest at 16, i've never really had a problem with grades in school or my self-esteem, but as a Junior now, i don't know, i just feel like a failure.
I've never ever had a problem with making high b's and a's in school. Up until my Junior year (2013-2014). I now have 2 c's, and i feel like a complete failure, because i have fallen short of the National Honor Society for the 3rd year in a row, and now probably won't get my 3rd pin for 3 consecutive Academic Banquet participation. My parents have always been concerned for me and my grades, but now it seems like they just never have words of encouragement, just "bring those grades up or you're grounded". Truth is, i've never had to study for any class in my life, it's all just come so natural, but now in Trig, Honors English, and Chem II, i'm falling apart. I also now lack the ability to read effectively, reading an entire page and realizing i got nothing from it.
I've always been sort of a social outcast, just minding my own business and not getting involved with parties and the like. I just stay home and play games on my PC or
TL;DR: | Grades slipping, bad social life, feel like a failure, can't shake the feeling of being a failure to parents and people around me |
SUBREDDIT: r/BreakUps
TITLE: Need some advice BreakUps... (24/M)
POST: So here's my story, it's not particularly awesome nor overtly sad and there's a lot to it so I'll just keep it to important keynotes and hopefully it will be enough to gain some advice.
My ex and I (23.f) have been broken up for roughly 9 months, which was a messy break up (I moved to Denver, CO for her, she dumps me 7 months after moving there, doesn't even get out of bed to say goodbye as I leave her for the last time, etc.) I still think about her everyday and I'm having a hard time moving on.
I have lurked on this subreddit for a while and I've been applying the normal tactics of moving on (Hitting the gym, going out with friends, getting with other girls, trying to date other women, spending time with family, working, etc.) but nothing seems to help ease the pain or the thoughts of her.
Since then she's moved on and is dating someone else, which is fine. I'm happy that she's happy even if it's with someone else. However, I still find myself thinking about her on a daily basis and it sucks. It's not like everyday is a shit show, there are SOME days that I do alright and I don't think about her but then other days - like today - are hard and she's all I can seem to think about. I should add that her and I have been no contact since February under my decision.
So here I am, a while after break up. Never really got any closure with her and I still find myself thinking about her on an almost daily basis. I've been trying everything to keep myself occupied and busy but nothing helps. Am I crazy here? Is it normal for one to not move on from a past love after 9 months of separation?
TL;DR: | Been broken up with ex for 9 months. I've been working out, meeting other women, etc try to move on. Still think about her daily. Am I crazy? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU By murdering a potatoe to gain it's power...
POST: So I was walking through the store and I saw the most perfectly spherical potatoe ever!! It was so round and so smooth, I knew I had to have it!
So I walked up and acted like a casual buyer, I was worried that others might be interest in my precious, so I casually bought it before putting it on the ground and punching it. I punched it untill it was dead. Then I picked it up and ate it, thus gaining it's power. The fuck comes when I turned around to see a store full of people starring at me like I was crazy. But hey, at least I gained it's power.
TL;DR: | I killed a potatoe to gain it's power before being looked at like a crazy person, but I did gain it's power so... meh. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What is the best way to keep hoodlums out of my pool and hot tub at night?
POST: Alright its not really MY pool or hot tub, but I am a lifeguard manager at a local neighborhood pool. Every single morning I come to work to find the hot tub area of the pool deck trashed....beer cans, cigarette butts, articles of clothing, bikini tops, just lying around. Sometimes they are even big enough assholes to put the chairs into the deep end of the pool.
There is a standard chain link fence going around the perimeter of the property and on the outside of that fence is a lot of forest. I really want to go get a paint ball gun and just wait in the forest for these kids to climb the fence and get all cozy in the hot tub. Once they are deep into their intoxicated shenanigans I want to light them up with paintballs. Is this a bad idea?
Any other ideas on how to keep the kids out?
TL;DR: | Teenagers keep sneaking into hottub/pool at night, trash whole area. How do I keep them out? |
SUBREDDIT: r/running
TITLE: Should I try to run a marathon or cut back to half marathon if I struggle with running more than 18 miles?
POST: In 8 days I will attempt my first marathon. I have two half marathons under my belt this year(2:05 and 2:15 were my times) after starting training at the end of last year. Since June, I've been preparing for this upcoming marathon.
However, I have been struggling with my long runs above 18 miles. A month ago, I ran 19.23 miles (but walked the last mile after cramping) at a 11:37 pace and this past weekend I could not run more than 16 miles without cramping up but at a 11 min pace. When I cramp up, my legs get so sore all I can do is walk. Every other weekend I was able to run my goal so long as it was in the 8-16 mile range. I admit to not following my nutritional goals as well as I should so I think I can do better on that front.
TL;DR: | I am struggling with runs about 18 miles that force me to walk. Do you have advice for a first time marathoner who is disappointed in his training runs? Thanks. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (19F) found something on my boyfriend's (19M) computer...
POST: I know I shouldn't have looked on his computer. I realize that it's snooping and an invasion on privacy but at the same time, I found something.
Right now we've been dating almost 11 months. I'd say we have a really strong relationship. Over the summer (from may-august) I had to go back home and we saw each other for one week in July.
On his computer I found screenshots from omegle conversations (one in June and one in August) of this girl's butt and boobs (you can see her face in the boobs one) and in the bottom you can see him jacking off (no face).
I really don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this. Should I be angry? Upset? Hurt? I don't think I would consider this cheating but.. He's been cheated on multiple times and I'm almost certain that if he found out I did this, he would be extremely upset.
I know I need to talk to him about this but I have terrible anxiety and am horrible at confrontation. I tried to talk to him about it last night but got too scared.
I really don't know what I should do/how to bring it up, and I don't know if I'm being unreasonable by being upset and angry by this or if it's justified.
TL;DR: | Went on boyfriend's computer. Saw he had screenshots of a naked girl and himself jacking off on omegle while I was gone over the summer. Don't know what to do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 M] with my crush [23 F] 1-2 month, asking big sister in fraternity on date
POST: Please lay off on the incest jokes because we aren't related at all. We just happened to be paired together as big and little. We get along really well and we generally hang out together alone once a week or so. Sometimes more or less. However, it might be because we are big/little which is why she wants to spend this much time with me.
I started liking her after a while and I know it probably isn't the smartest thing, but I did. We have conversations that would just go on and on. I always have lots of fun when I'm around her and she makes me smile and laugh. It just feels different being around her compared to some of my best girl friends. We could have conversations about pretty much anything and how we pretty much wouldn't get bored of it. She was even like how she likes how I am capable of carrying a conversation about certain things with her that not even her best male friends could.
I'm hesitant to do anything because she does not like dating within the fraternity because of how quickly things spread and how I guess in a sense "brothers." She will only do it if the guy is pretty awesome, but it also depends on the guy.
Anyways, I really want to ask her out on a date, but how should I do it without it being weird? I want to do it soon because this is both our last year in college. I'm also afraid about the age difference as I am 21 and she's 23. What should I do and say to her? I really like this girl and never really felt I liked someone this much before.
TL;DR: | I like this girl, but she is my big sister in fraternity. I want to ask her out on a date, but how do I do it? We are both last years in college. What do I say and approach situation? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: [Help] Neighbor (a sheriff) is leaving his dog out in the freezing cold without shelter and it barks all night. What can I do?
POST: I'm actually referring to a friend's neighbor and not my own, but in case the current idea falls through I'd like to hear what thoughts you guys have on the matter.
My friend's neighbor is a sheriff and he leaves his dog chained up 24/7 in the freezing cold with nothing but a cage with a tarp over it. Last night the wind was blowing the rain sideways and I can't believe that sorry excuse for a "shelter" did any good. This dog barks all night long likely because it is cold and begging to come inside. She has called the police multiple times and they said they'll "take care of it" but nothing has changed so far. Of course the abuser in this case is a sheriff, so you can imagine whose side the police will take on the matter. You shouldn't be able to treat your dog like shit and get away with it just because you're someone who is "supposed" to uphold the law.
I suggested calling a local shelter to see how they think it should be handled. She said she is going to get a video of it and take that in to see what can be done. I have no idea if this will be effective but it's all I can think of. Maybe the shelter has seen this issue before?
Has anyone seen a situation like this? I'd hate to see this idiot get away with it and let his dog suffer. What do?
TL;DR: | Neighbor is a sheriff and leaves his dog out all night in the freezing cold with inadequate shelter. Calling the cops (obviously) hasn't helped. What can be done? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19/F] have difficulty building relationships due to loss in childhood. Indifferent towards 5 month SO [21/M]
POST: When I was a little girl I was best friends with two sisters about my age who lived next door to me. They were murdered by their father when we were still in elementary school. Ever since it has been extremely difficult for me to form new strong friendships.
I am so scared of losing more friends that I keep everyone at a distance. My current boyfriend is a great guy and treats me with respect, but I have zero attachment towards him. I feel uncomfortable when he says he loves me because I don't feel the same in return.
After this fall he will be graduating and moving to wherever he can get a job. I will remain in school for another two years. I've been considering preemptively breaking things off.
My biggest fear is pushing away someone I'm meant to be with. I'm worried I already made this mistake when I left my last ex (dated for two years). Over time I had really fallen for him. We were madly in love for every moment of our relationship. We are now on good terms and still talk occasionally. I miss him everyday... but I could never try to get him back. I care about him too much already and I'm too scared of getting hurt.
Any and all advice will be appreciated.
TL;DR: | Best friends were murdered. Difficulty forming new relationships. Still not over ex but too scared of getting hurt to go after him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I don't think I'm [21F] my boyfriend's [29M] taste
POST: I've been with my boyfriend for a year, and we've been living together six months. I'm the happiest I've ever been in a relationship. He says he's happy too. Sex every day, dancing in our underwear, I can't get enough of him kind of happy. Our mutual families love us together.
I've been feeling a little insecure lately though, since I realized that his past few girlfriends were dark haired with medium skin tone (he has saved a lot of photos from vacations, etc). They all look pretty much the same. I asked him what his usual type was, and he said brunettes, which confirmed to me that as a pale skinned, redheaded woman, I'm not exactly his taste.
Now, I'm not ugly. I know that. I made a living as a bikini model up until last year, and I've never lacked male attention. I don't doubt my general attractiveness, but I worry that since I'm so far outside his usual taste, he's eventually going to miss brunettes and realize that a redhead, however pretty, isn't going to satisfy.
Am I crazy for feeling insecure about this? I know he's attracted to me now, hence the crazy amazing sex, but if I'm not the type he is most attracted to, am I going to eventually lose him?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend has dated mostly brunette/dark haired/darker skinned women in the past. I'm really pale and red headed. I'm worried I'm not really his taste. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: If my[18m] partner[18f] never wants sexual contact, then what are we?
POST: We've been going for 4 years now. We experimented when we were first together and within about 6 months we were pleasuring each other and eventually we started having sex. She was on the contraceptive pill so having sex was quite easy and we have it regularly, 2-3 times a weekend (including friday night fun). It got to a point where she wasn't so interested in doing it, I understood that sometimes she was sore or just generally not in the mood.
Then she stopped taking the pill. For the next 6 months she wasn't interested in my sexually and was annoyed whenever I made a move. Now I appreciate her privacy etc but it was making me feel unwanted and realistically we were only seeing each other intimately at the weekends so I expect a little love for even half an hour when we could and even then, it wasn't going to be full on sex.
Then after a while she went back on the pill. We were both ready for sex again and I think both her and I were happy when we were having sex again. Jump a further year down the line and now its got to a point where she doesn't want to touch me. She doesn't like kissing nor snogging, and she especially hates it if I make a move on her. What do I do in a situation like this?
I love her to bits and I enjoy her company. We do other things like most normal relationships apart from anything sexual. I asked her once during an arguement, 'If you don't find me physically attractive/appealing, then what are we?' I'm not particularly overweight and the stress of exams and university hasn't helped in my beauty deparment.
What do I do?
TL;DR: | Concern boyfriend has oscillating sexual relationship with girlfriend and has to deal with gf not finding him sexually appealing anymore with the threat of a split |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Need urgent advice: I got sacked in January and have no idea what to do now
POST: Hi, so I graduated (Maths degree) in the summer of last year. Struggled to find work so I just did some part time tutoring.
Worked in a school for a 1/2 months towards end of 2014. It was volunteering but I've put it down as work experience. This is while still doing the occasional weekend tuition session.
Managed to get a job with a company in London as an analyst in January. Only semi relevant to my degree really. Was going to wait six months and get the experience in before I started looking again. Got fired by the end of the month.
Ive been applying to other places but havent been having much success. The experience gap is growing and I dont know how long tutoring can plaster over the cracks. Ive even resorted to putting that january job down and pretending it was a placement.
Its coming round to almost a year now without me having any proper employment and once the fresh batch of graduates comes through in a month or two then I'm finished.
My question is, what jobs can I be going for as a stop gap measure to plug this unemployment gap? Call centres? How do I compete with the next bunch? How do I do some damage control on my life?
Im looking to make some kind of 2 year plan to get me back on track to the numerical/analyst/accounting/finance type roles. What can I do?
TL;DR: | Had very little to no employment this past year since graduation. How do I get back on track so next year/year after I can get onto some kind of numerical/analyst/accounting/finance career? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18F] with this guy [18M], why did he do this and what did it mean?
POST: So I've been texting this guy for a short time now, and the other day he came over to my house. (Before this we had talked in a night club a couple of times). He's extremely confident. Don't know if thats relevant but anyways.
Basically, after about 2 hours of flirting, we eventually made out and everything was going great. He's really intense..like making lots of eye contact and smiling etc, and when we were kissing he'd pull away just as I'd go back in to kiss him, as in like..teasing me.? Then, a couple of times he stopped kissing me all together and would lean back away from me and just shake his head from side to side all while smirking and half smiling etc.
I know this sounds like such a trivial and stupid question, but I've no idea why he did the whole 'pulling away and shaking his head' thing.? I first thought maybe he was getting too turned on.? but why would he stop? I'm so confused.
TL;DR: | a guy I like came over, we made out, but he kept pulling away and smiling and shaking his head, I've no idea why. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My 2 ½ year relationship ended 3 weeks ago and he's already moved on to someone else. I need help coping and moving on. (me 17/f, him 19/m)
POST: In April of this year my ex cheated on me with a girl at his university after repeatedly crossing boundaries in their 'friendship.' I took him back but after several shitty months and slow deterioration of the relationship we ended it somewhat mutually.
I was beginning to want to be single and free, and he was tired of my trust issues stopping him making friends with girls. While he was distraught at first, two days later he was chatting up a girl he met online. We had initially agreed to keep contact as we wanted to be friends but about half a week later he suddenly dropped contact.
Yesterday morning I woke up and saw on facebook he was in a new relationship, with the girl he met online. They met on omegle and she lives in Ireland – we live in Australia. They have known each other barely 3 weeks and have never met in person.
I couldn't believe it and spent the whole day crying or on the verge of tears. He was much more against the relationship ending than me and talked about how he was still in love and would be very hurt if I got with anyone else. But then he's getting into a new, weird online relationship without even giving me any warning.
It hurts a lot and I can't wrap my head around it. While I definitely needed the reminder that he's changed into a completely different person and the guy I fell for is completely dead, I can't cope with him being so callous.
How do I move on and get him out of my head? It hurts so much that me and my feelings mean nothing to him anymore, so soon after the relationship ended. I really thought he was different.
I cant cope with two and a half years of my life being ruined by him. I hate that he absolutely destroyed my happy memories, my ability to trust and my self esteem, and I'm the one suffering while he moves on so easily.
TL;DR: | ex from 2 1/2 year relationship is in a new relationship 3 weeks after it ended. I can't cope. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Is self-hating a common occurrence among the majority of cultures?
POST: First, a little background on me, just because. I'm a Korean-American, born in Korea (South, if anybody feels inclined to ask) who moved to the U.S. of A at the age of seven. I'm a naturalized citizen, speak English *much* better than I speak Korean, but I'm fluent enough in Korean to not get the ol' wag-o'-the-finger from Korean-Koreans.
I feel like I have a firm grasp of both Korean and American culture (the latter is a given, seeing as how I have lived the last 14+ years of my life here, especially during the all-important, formative years of my adolescence), and can fully understand and appreciate both the positive and negative points of both cultures.
But a trend I notice, especially among 2nd, 3rd, and later generation Koreans (pretty sure there shouldn't be any more than 4th generation Koreans, since the first Koreans came to America in the 50's) is this perpetual self-hate of Koreans and Korean culture. They're not exactly 'being racist' against Korean people, but they make broad-brush comments like "All Koreans are xyz," where 8 or 9 times out of 10, 'xyz' is something negative. It applies to Korean parents, culture, food, music, literally anything and everything. It makes me really uncomfortable, especially because when I point out the flaws in their reasoning, these later-generation Korean-Americans just seem to cover their ears and start spewing near-propaganda-like hatred about Korean whatevers. Actually, scratch my earlier statement. They're pretty much being racist. Against *themselves*.
So I'm curious, multicultural Redditors: do you see this perpetuation of self-hate among later-generation people of the same culture?
TL;DR: | 2nd generation+ Korean-Americans seem extremely resentful of their heritage and will unabashedly bash their own heritage. Is this a trend among other ethnic groups living as minorities in other countries? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: I can't handle it
POST: I don't know what to do anymore at all.
In short, I had/have major depression. Was put into a hospital 2 years ago. They thought I had an eating disorder -I didn't. So I gained ten pounds, then twenty, until I got to thirty .. Medically I'm over weight (it's not in my head). Being in an eating disorder treatment, I remember what some of the kids said they did. I started purging and starving. I didn't tell me therapist for a year since I was afraid to send me back. After purging twice a day everyday for three months, I decided to tell her about the purging and how- and she said "I don't have the tools necessary to help you".
Since then the depression is back, and it's hit harder. Today I looked at a test for 30 minutes, got up and left without writing anything.
I'm asking for help. I ask my mom and my boyfriend - I don't have anyone else - and they can't help me.
I don't know what else there is for me to do.
TL;DR: | diagnosed with bulimia - didn't have bulimia - gained weight and became bulimic -therapist dropped me as a client - asking for help and getting none. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18F] with really cute guy in my tutorial, how do I talk to him?!
POST: So I'm second year in university and in one of my tutorials there's a really cute guy.
I'm pretty shy so I haven't spoken to anyone in my tutorial (we're all pretty quiet, except for a few kids who are loud and talk to each other).
He and I sit on opposite ends of the table, so it's not like I can talk to him right there. And we can't change the seating now that it's already been decided.
I don't want to come off as creepy but I really want to get to know him! Can you guys help me think of an excuse to talk to him that's not too obvious?
TL;DR: | MUST TALK TO CUTE STRANGER BOY IN TUTORIAL. NEED HELP THINKING OF NON-OBVIOUS EXCUSE TO START CONVERSATION. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [25/M] grandfather's old best friend [M/70] is dying, he can't speak and can barely understand anyone, I want to talk to him one last time before he moves on but don't know how I should word what I want to say.
POST: My grandpa was the most influential person in my life, even to this day, 16 years later (I'm 25, I was 9 when he passed away). His best friend, whom I love dearly, has brain cancer and is due to pass on pretty much any hour now. He cannot speak and from what his wife tells me, he can barely understand anything. His daughter said, "I love you" to which he mustered, "Too" last night, that's where he is at right now. I am 2,500 miles away with no way to get there to say goodbye and comfort his family, his care didn't catch the onset of his cancers sooner, now it's almost too late. I want to tell him I love him and miss him, I want to tell him that I wish I could be there, to thank him for the good times he gave me growing up (for example he took me in my first joyride when I was 10 or so in his Mustang, took me to waterparks, etc.), for being there when my grandpa died, for being my grandpa's best friend, for all the laughs...
How could I word this as simply as possible? Should I repeat things? I don't want to insult him either. As I write this, I have work in an hour, I'll be able to reply to any advice or questions anyone has to offer after 11 EST.
TL;DR: | My grandfather's friend is dying, I want to word my last words to him as simply as possible, or at least make it so he can understand what I will try to convey. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: I said I was invited to something which I wasn't to save face and I don't know what to do.
POST: Basically this girl is having friends over for a BBQ and everyone was invited through Facebook but I don't use Facebook so I don't have an account therefore I didn't get an invite.
When one of my friends asked if I was invited I said "yes" he then asked when I was invited and said the girl invited me on Sunday (the last time I met her) when a load of people came up to my house whilst drunk but she didn't actually invite me. If I had mentioned it she would have invited me but I forgot so instead I stupidly said she invited me to save face in front of my friend.
I am worried because I'm gonna end up turning up with someone who was invited and she be surprised to see me but refuse to let me enter.
I am hoping she won't mention it as she probably would have invited me if I had Facebook. Maybe she will presume she was so drunk that she just forgot about inviting me on the Sunday which is when I lied about her inviting me.
TL;DR: | I have invited myself to a BBQ that all my friends are invited to which I mostly likely would have been invited to if I had Facebook. I am worried it will make me look bad and will be brought up at some point. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What is your "crazy story" that is actually true?
POST: Mine is more like a, "No! Seriously!" story.
Well a few years ago i had lost contact with one of my close childhood friends over a misunderstanding. It had been almost a year of us not talking when myself and few of our common friends went out for a few (ok a lot) drinks.
One of our friends who is/was very close to my old friend, lets call her Allison, told me that Allison had recently tested positive for HIV. He told me that when she went back to get re-tested the result was negative. So later that week she would be getting more tests.
This made me very upset, to know my friend of 10+ years might be ill. I had decided i would reach out to her. It was kind of late that night after we all went our own ways and i started googling, "why would an HIV test turn out positive" and "could you still be HIV negative with an HIV positive test?" I was googling all night bc i was worried about my friend.
Fast forward to the next day I had gone to work and was having trouble with a phone I had just bought, i asked my co-worker to try to fix the problem for me and handed him my phone. He opens my browser and sees all the HIV searches.
At the time i felt the need to try to explain the whole situation, about a "freind i dont talk to anymore" had this happen and how i was worried about her and how i was googling. . . bla bla bla
I can tell was really awkwarded out and just kept saying, "its cool dude."
I dont know if he believed me but i was telling the truth!!
TL;DR: | I was googling a lot of HIV related questions. Next day co-worker opens browser and sees my searches. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20/M] am getting super mixed signals from a girl [20/F], and don't know how to deal with them.
POST: I'm going to preface this by saying I am to some extent autistic. Specifically where on the scale, I don't know.
Me and this girl met about a month ago when on a trip to Spain with my university. I didn't feel anything toward her at first, but eventually started to develop feelings for her. I asked her out when in Spain, and she felt that we should hang out more.
We continue to hang out now, but I get rather mixed signals. She says she doesn't want to be more than friends, and that we need more time first, but when we do hang out I'll hold her by the hips and buy my head into her neck, and she has no objection.
Maybe I'm just misreading things, but I have this huge feeling of being scared and trapped where I am (le me trapped in le friendzone, tips fedora). My brain wants to continue, but I don't know how, and I think about it way too much.
TL;DR: | Autistic guy gets mixed signals from girl, doesn't understand how to continue without being trapped in some form of friendzone or something. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me 26 M with my 26 F 6 years, I feel like I'm in the way of my partner's dream and I don't know what to do.
POST: I love my girlfriend, she has made me a better person.
She wants to pursue a degree overseas, but believes we can work through a long-distance relationship.
I am an incredibly jealous person with a history of depression.
After her degree she'd only be able to work in her career in another country. I don't want to leave my country. I don't want to be away from my family.
It is hard for me to not be physical with my partners.
We are head over heels for each other,
and this has been her dream since a child and she's incredibly close.
Here at home, we are more or less seeing each other every other day.
She's come such a long way in going for this goal.
We're each other's first loves-- and this is the only person I've ever considered marrying.
But I don't trust that I won't be paranoid about who's laughing in the background while she's on the phone. I hate that side of me but it's always there.
And I struggle to be apart from my parents, they are in a bad financial situation. Me living in another country will really strain us.
I don't know what to do, I feel like an awful person.
I beat myself up every time she's gone.
I don't know if I'm working towards the best thing ever,
or slowly dragging out the worst thing.
Please help me, I'm in a really bad place.
TL;DR: | I might become an obstacle for my partner to reach her childhood dream, I don't know what to do and I'm afraid. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Friend and husband's coworker has become dangerously toxic, I fear for our lives
POST: My husband and I met this guy John when we frequented a local gaming store back in 2011. In 2013 my husband got John a job at his work because he was a friend. Between 2011 and now we've seen his anger issues increase to dangerous levels. He's put his fist through walls, monitors and thrown furniture. The time we spent hanging out with him has decreased significantly over time and the last straw was when he blew up at a party for absolutely no reason.
Recently, my husband has dealt with John purposefully trying to get him fired and doing malicious things on the job. Luckily their manager can see that John is causing unjust tension and blows it off so my husband doesn't get in trouble. After some nasty things written on Facebook, my husband confronted John and tried to patch things up and although it seemed ok for about a week or so, John is back to his old habits of trying to create drama.
Because John has violent tendencies and is prone to fits of unreasonable rage I'm beginning to fear for my husband's life. John has a gun collection and has said--supposedly jokingly--how often he wanted to shoot up the place because the stress of other people is getting to him. Since I am afraid for his life and mine, I no longer allow John in my house.
I just don't know what to do. My husband of course laughs it off and says John isn't stupid enough to bring a gun to work or show up at our door with a gun, but I think he's serious. As a very concerned wife who sees a situation continuing to escalate to possible fatal heights, what should I do?
TL;DR: | friend has extreme rage issues and violent tendencies, had jokingly threatened to shoot up his work place and constantly tries to fuck with my husband at work. I'm afraid for our lives. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How I can I stop from being a pushover?
POST: A while back, a few classmates and I went out for a few drinks, and one of them and I got into the different flaws of humans (something along those lines), and how many of people never realize their flaws. He used me as an example, and said that I bet I never realized that I'm a pushover. I objected (Of course), saying that I hardly do anything I wouldn't agree or want to do. I started to bring up examples, and realized, half way through them, that he was right. I usually object, but follow through with them even if I don't really want to; I just don't want to upset the person.
He then points out that I had just proven his point.
TL;DR: | I'm a pushover, and feel like I get taken advantage of more than I should. How can I stop it from happening? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24M] with my ex-girlfriend [26/F] been together for year, broke up three months ago; writing letter
POST: So I broke up with my girlfriend. We've been together for a year. We had ups and downs, but we always found a way to get through it. Sex was amazing and even tho we weren't exactly like super in love, she always were good for me and treated me like I was the only boy in the world. Now I see I wasn't as good to her and It is fucking killing me. Everyday I think about her and I want to make amends to her, but she refuses to pick up calls from me, doesn't text me back.
I don't want to be creepy dude who follows her to her work (I know where she works, I know her co-workers well), so I figured I will send her a letter where I explain how badly I have fucked up and how badly I missed her.
I don't want her back tho. I mean, I would die to hug her again, but I've made conscious decision and I have to stick to it. I just want her to know how sorry I am for the way I treated her. And I miss her so much...
TL;DR: | I'm writing her a letter where I basically ask for her forgiveness because I can't find a way to deal with my feelings towards her and I miss her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I've [27 F] have never had problems making friends, but always have trouble keeping them.
POST: Background: I moved schools & towns every year or so my entire life. In college, I started in Miami then finished in New York. Then I moved back home from New York for Grad School after living there post-college for about 4 years.
I've made quick friends all my life. I was never "popular" but always found my group where ever I went. This was fine when I was younger. Now that I'm older I see my old College friends on facebook visiting eachother and hanging out, and I feel devastatingly lonely. I've never been good at keeping in touch long distance after I leave a place. I suppose I never learned how to because it was hard to do moving so often. My various college friends have tried to keep in touch by calling or facebooking me but I know I've pushed them away by not responding for months at a time (I was miserable living in New York and fell into a crippling depression for about 3 years, kind of fell off the face of the earth for a while)
As soon as I returned to my home state I felt happier. School is going well, and I love being closer to my family. About 8 months ago I reunited with a friend from highschool (he contacted me) we started dating recently and get along great.
But the fact that he has tons of friends (which are all great people) is starting to make me feel self conscious about not having any myself. I'm so busy in Grad School, and I've developed a little social anxiety & depression (again) because of my lack of friends so I'm finding it really hard to meet people.
I keep thinking there is something wrong with me. I don't know why I can't maintain friendships. I've never done anything to intentionally ruin friendships. I'm not a gossiper, I'm loyal, I've usually been the one friends come to with problems. I keep thinking about all of the life experiences I'm missing out on because I don't have a good group of friends to do things with.
Does anyone have any tips for maintaining long term friendships? Maybe tips on how to make new friends as an adult?
TL;DR: | Moved all the time as a kid and then as a college student. Can't keep long term friends. I'm super lonely now. I need tips on how to make close friends and keep them. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: When did you realize your sibling was an asshole?
POST: To start it off- I have a deadly fear of crickets.
This one day I plan to go to the park with my little group of friends and set up an old traditional picnic. I also brought in my brother, which later proves to be the worst mistake I've ever made, as much as I can remember. So, all of us have bought at least 8 ounces of food in those wooden baskets and so we go. When we arrived there, we set up the mat and the baskets and in about 5 minutes, we got down to chatting and enjoying the day. I am not going to enjoy what's about to come. In my basket, I grab my chicken sandwich and start chewin'. 5 seconds in, I notice the taste was ***funky*** and it usually tastes much less salty. Not knowing a bit what was going to happen to next, I simply flip open the sandwich and you guessed it. **GOD DAMN BAM.** **HOLY FUCKING 4 SHITNICKELS BLACK FLYING BUGS WERE MOVING AND SQUIRTING SHIT ALL OVER MY MOUTH AND THAT WAS THE END.**
My idiot brother stuffed that sandwich with crickets, which made me ***YELL LIKE JOKER ON WHOREMETH*** AND ENDED THE MOOD RIGHT AWAY. My group circle were dying with laughter, when I was actually dying. I must have gotten 10,000 brain cells burned up and 10 years from my life deducted. I almost got a heart attack and I am now in bed curled up with cheeseballs.
TL;DR: | ASSHOLE BROTHER SHITFUCKS MY SANDWICH UP WITH BUGS, LEAVING ME WITH 10 YEARS OFF MY LIFE AND NO MORE PICNIC-ING. |
SUBREDDIT: r/travel
TITLE: Turkey(Ankara)-Iran(Tehran) Train Ticket Question
POST: Hi,
I am planning to visit Turkey and Iran in April 2015. The plan is to fly in to Istanbul (4 days)-> Ephesus (1 day) -> Denizli ( day trip) -> Konya ( 1 day) -> Cappadocia (3/4 days) -> Ankara (transit) and then catch the trans asya ekspresi straight to Tehran. The primary motivation for me is to experience a long distance train journey and escape the city life for a day or two.
After arriving in Tehran, I will go visit a few cities and then return to Tehran and fly back. Since I am located in Dubai, flights (Dubai-Istanbul and Tehran-Dubai) are cheap and I have on Emirates so the airfare costs are pretty low.
My question is: How do I buy the train ticket from outside Turkey for the Ankara-Tehran train? I need to buy this before applying for the Turkish tourist visa (I can not get an on-arrival visa in Turkey) to show that I am exiting the country somehow. A few online resources say that even travel agencies cannot buy the international Turkish train tickets for people outside Turkey. This essentially makes my application for the Turkish tourist visa incomplete.
The Iranian visa should be fairly straightforward for me since I am not American and my family members have visited several times alone.
Also please feel free to critique my Turkey itinerary
TL;DR: | How do I get the Ankara-Tehran train tickets from outside Turkey because it is a vital part of my Turkish tourist visa application? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (19F) found my ex boyfriend's (21M) bbw porn
POST: The relationship was kind of shit and we broke up and got back together a few times. Yesterday I got on tumblr for the first time in a really long time and decided on a whim to search for the username he uses on basically everything.
He didn't have any posts but the title was 'Just here to watch' and it was him in the picture. I don't think he realized that now tumblr makes the things that you've liked public and everything was just bbw porn, girls taking pictures after a stuffing, and pregnant women.
He's majorly into fitness (selling supplements, working out at 4 am, etc) and on our first date he told me that it had bothered him that I don't take care of my health but he's looking over that. He would also just tear apart overweight people that we both knew when it was just us or with friends. Like he would make fun of how this woman doesn't have to hold her arms up while she walks she just rests it on her sides, her double chin doubles as a pillow, etc.
I'm overweight myself and whenever he would say things like this he could tell how uncomfortable it made me but he never shut up.
I'm 100% not trying to kink shame him or anything but this just made me loose what self confidence and happiness I had built up after we broke up and after I lost some weight.
I also don't know if I should confront him about this or not. It would be shit for both of us bc he's obviously ashamed of what he likes and I'm embarrassed that he only liked me because I'm fat.
TL;DR: | found my health nut ex boyfriends bbw porn stache and don't know what to do or how to feel |
SUBREDDIT: r/Pets
TITLE: Reintroducing two cats who hated each other?
POST: My boyfriend and I are going to be moving into a new apartment this weekend and within the week will be bringing our cats. We have two cats, one who is a year and a half that we've had since he was 6 weeks old and a 7 year old female cat we adopted from a shelter back in March. When we brought home the female cat from the shelter we kept her in a separate room for two weeks and tried to slowly introduce them to one another. However the younger cat being exceptionally curious and playful would find ways to sneak into the room when we weren't looking to inspect the new comer.
We thought the female cat would be okay with the him, she had been in a large play area with 5 other cats from the shelter when we adopted her. It didn't go well with those two. The younger cat constantly batted at her tail wanting to play and she would hiss at him, but never really swat at him (initially).
However the female cat began puking EVERY day, she sheds a lot so initially we thought it was just hairballs but once it became daily we took her to the vet who found nothing wrong with her. Both my boyfriend and I think it's from stress having the male cat antagonize her.
Anyway at our old place we got a massive flea infestation (don't know how, both of our cats are strictly indoors) and one cat went to my parents house another went to his parents house. The flea thing cleared up, both of us had to move back in with our parents for a bit before we found a new place.
The cats have been separated for 4 months now and we'll be bringing them to our new apartment within the week. Any advice as to how to reintroduce them so this might not go so hellishly this time? I couldn't give up either one of them.
TL;DR: | Two cats hated each other, been separated 4 months and need advice on how to reintroduce them so they can at least tolerate one another. |
SUBREDDIT: r/college
TITLE: So I am a little bit scared
POST: I am currently an chemical engineering major at such and such university. Technically I am in pre engineering, but due to the amount of hours I brought in from high school( AP and dual enrolment), I have to be put into the major next semester regardless of having the requirements(It's really weird). Anyway, I took Calc II last semester and I failed it. I was a year removed from Calc I and I kinda just got placed in the class because I had the credit. I'm retaking the class this semester, and until today I thought I understood what I was doing and was going to do well until I got back my test I thought I would get a 90 on and instead got a 35. Basically I'm worried that engineering might not be the major for me, due to the fact that I can't seem to grasp the concepts of Calculus II. I'm worried that I won't be able to get a good degree in anything because most majors require Calc II, and I'm on track to fail it again. Any Idea what I should do/ look in too?
TL;DR: | I'm failing calc II, and am worried my inability to grasp the concepts will screw me over in my college career. |
SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Have I destined myself to forever have bad credit and be paying on student loans?
POST: My Transunion score is 516 according to creditkarma.com and I'm worried I'm just going to be screwed for life. It's so overwhelming and I am beyond tired of it being bad and desperately need to do something to turn it around now while I'm still in my late 20's. I think I'm doing good but I'm really not sure if I'm doing all I can.
Here's a brief rundown:
- Get a $500+- credit limit Capitol One card when I'm like 18 for a family trip, use some and let my parents use the rest, they take over paying and just don't. Fast forward several years later and I'm getting sued and wages garnished. So that's been *paid* but not in a good way.
- Amass a ton of student loan debt and have parents in charge of it all and they just don't pay and I try to take over and can't pay. Get calls once they're in collections from GCS for personal loans (is this place a scam?) and I can't even remember the name of the other right now but it shows up on my bank statement as SALLIE MAE FDR for the federal loans. I'm essentially paying to get back in the good graces of SLM and pay them directly instead of these collections places and supposedly it expunges the bad records from my credit report.
- I have two public records according to creditkarma.com and I remember one that was due to me moving to another state for a job and not realizing I needed to pay state tax at the previous state of residence. These have been paid but apparently they won't roll of for 7 years no matter what. CK doesn't show them as paid, but I guess that's normal?
TL;DR: | I relied heavily on my parents who have bad credit and used my credit and it didn't positively instill good credit practices as well as damaging my credit. I'm ready to face this shit head on and get it under control. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [30f] with my boyfriend of 3.5 years [30M] i need help SHOULD I Stay or should i go?
POST: I'm 30F he's a 30M in a relationship for 3.5 years, He had
childhood trauma (mom issues). Carried a relationship with
another girl in another country for a year while he was with me.
Another time he was looking for a one night stand on Reddit said
he would never do it just wanted to see that it gave him a thrill of
the hunt . He said he was sorry, finally he went to see a therapist
and that's when he got diagnosed with a love and sex addiction.
He also says he doesn't know how to love that he can't feel love.
That he cares a lot about me but doesn't love me with his whole heart that he loves
me sometimes. I'm confused and hurt, we are going to see a
couples therapist soon. I love him so much he says that i'm the
greatest woman he has met, yet i don't want to hurt. Is it possible
to go through this addiction together? Has anyone ever done it
and had success? i need advice.
TL;DR: | Bf has a sex and love addiction want to know if we can go through this together? or do we split? |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Reddit, Can you help me wish my wife a Happy Birthday?
POST: My wife is the sweetest woman I've ever met. She just turned 30 and for her Birthday, I decided to throw a surprise party for her. This plan was in the works for almost three weeks and close to 70 people were invited.
At 7pm the night of the party, her sister picked her up to meet us at a restaurant where she was under the impression that it was a small get together with her immediate family. Meanwhile, two of her friends I had been conspiring with went to the house, unpacked the food and decorations and set the house up... everything was going perfectly.
At 9pm, we wrapped up at the restaurant and all drove back to our house with her brother and sister, telling her they were coming over for cake. I couldn't wait to see her face as she walked through the door and all her friends jumped up to scream Happy Birthday.
So we got back to the house, she walked through the door to see a decorated house, and then three people jumped up and yelled "surprise!" That's it, just the two friends of hers I was planning the party with and a friend of mine from work. Two more people had shown up after the surprise moment but no more came the rest of the night. Out of almost seventy of her supposed friends, three of them actually made the effort to come.
She handled it all well, laughed a lot and had a good time, but I can tell she was really hurt that no one else bothered to come. It has really started to show today because I can see her feeling really down about herself. This thing I planned to make her feel great ended up making her feel like shit! Anyways Reddit, as a last ditch effort to cheer her up I'm turning to you all. Just asking you reply to this post and wish her a Happy Birthday! Her name is Erin.
TL;DR: | My wife only had a few friends out of 70 show up to her surprise Birthday party and I want to show her she is loved. Please reply with a Happy Birthday for Erin. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Feeling terribly lonely after relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years ended (28 M )
POST: So I guess you could call me a serial monogamist. I was with my high school sweetheart for about 8 years before we broke up because we had simply grown into people that were not compatible with each other.
I was single for about 3 months and then entered into a new relationship that lasted 2 years. I broke it off with her because I realized it wouldn't work down the road. I still feel like breaking up was the right choice but there are times when I feel so incredibly lonely.
I come home to an empty apartment and feel like crap. I thought it would go away after the first 2 weeks but it hasn't.
I've signed up for okc because I figured getting out there would help me get over by ex but so far haven't gone on a date with anyone that appealed to me (despite sending out an average 2-3 messages a night to different women.)
I don't feel comfortable talking about this with anyone. I did a little during the first 2 weeks but basically feel like I'm whining.
I'm not sure what to do and hate feeling this way. I don't miss my ex so much as having someone there to come home to, someone to talk to, etc. Any advice would be very welcome
TL;DR: | After 2 long term relationships back to back, I'm single again and feeling very lonely. Not sure how to overcome it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Ever feel like you're constantly climbing uphill with your wife?
POST: Am writing this as both a father and as a husband. My wife is wonderful and a real slice of heaven in my life, but she can be the most infuriating micromanager I've ever met. She will ALWYS comment on something I'm doing wrong. It's led to me being unsure of anything I'm doing - am I cutting the veggies properly? Am I holding our son properly? Am I driving properly? Am I doing anything right?
It's totally affected my outlook and I feel like I am constantly climbing uphill trying to please her and trying to impress her, and failing all the time.
I know I am overthinking it a lot of the time, but sometimes it really gets to me. It's affected my self-confidence as a person in general, even out in the world. And the fact that we are in a new place where I don't know anyone, and am living as a stay-at-home dad, meaning my wife is the ONLY real connection to real life I have, her words are that much more powerful.
I've tried to resolve it by talking with my wife, but she really is like this out of ingrained habit and while I know she's aware of it, it's hard for her to really change.
Want to know if other fathers/husbands have experienced the same issues with their otherwise awesome wives, and what they did to resolve it.
This is a throwaway account, of course...
TL;DR: | Wife is a constant micromanager of me, and it's affecting my mojo. Need advice to regain my strength as a real man. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: [HELP] Behavioral issues with new dog
POST: Hi everyone,
We had to adopt Peanut, an olde english bulldog, from a family member because they couldn't continue taking care of her. She's 4 years old, spayed, and has been with the same owners since she was 10 weeks old. We knew she had issues with peeing inside due to not having a regular schedule and severe pulling when leashed.
We have another dog, Violet a Jack Russell Corgi mix, and they've been getting along great. Some little growling when one of them gets too excited, but other than that they eat dinner next to each other, nap on the floor together, etc.
Now, when we are walking them Peanut pulls like CRAZY and gets aggressive when walking past other dogs which is now triggering Violet to become agitated and bark. We have tried with pull harnesses and choke collars (not my favorite) and she still will pull to the point of dragging me to the floor. Any other suggestions?
As for the potty schedule, we've been keeping a very tight schedule. They get breakfast at 7 am, get walked at 7:30 and do their business normally. Our walker comes in at 2 and takes them for a 45 min walk where they do their stuff and then we walk them again at 7:30pm before dinner. Still Peanut has managed to pee and poo inside the house despite the 3 walks. So we've added an extra one after dinner at around 11 pm, aaaaand SHE'S STILL PEEING INSIDE. I noticed that she drinks SO much water and was wondering if this should be something to be discussed with the vet. I've started treating her like a puppy, if we play, we go out for potty. If she drinks/eats, we go out for potty. But would love to get her to understand that she needs to hold it. Any tips?
TL;DR: | Our newly adopted dog pulls when on a leash and pees and poops inside and I need new ideas to solve these two things. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My friend [19 F] wants to date me [29 M], and I'd like to date her too, but I'm concerned that she's too young for me.
POST: I'm not really sure what to do. I met this girl 6 months ago and we became pretty good friends. We go dancing about twice a week, just as friends, but a couple weeks ago she confessed to having a huge crush on me.
I've been attracted to her since we first met, but I told her that I was looking for someone more experienced. I said that she's too young for me and I didn't want to take advantage of her in case she was just lonely or naive, and I really don't want to be seen as one of those insecure creeper guys who looks for younger girls. She was a little offended but she let it go.
It came up again last week, but I didn't give a firm no. I just decided we should talk about it more. Then I asked my best friend [25 F] what I should do, and she encouraged me to give the girl a chance because my only reservation was the age thing.
So we talked about it for a long time. We're in different places in life, but we're not incompatible, and I'm convinced that her head is in the right place. I ended up kissing her goodnight.
I still have mixed feelings about it. I haven't been this excited about someone for years, but I am worried about the social scrutiny. I think I'm just here looking for advice from people who have tried something like this before.
TL;DR: | Like the title says, my friend [19 F] wants to date me [29 M], and I'd like to date her too, but I'm concerned that she's too young for me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I [23F] forgive my boyfriend [25M] for breaking up with me?
POST: Two weeks ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. The way he did it was cold, blunt, and out of the blue. After a couple of days, he called me and asked to talk. We met, and he apologised, and asked if we could get back together. I still love him, so of course I agreed.
The break up was over stuff that could really easily have been fixed if he'd told me it was a problem. He's not good at expressing his emotions, he bottled them up, and he ended it abruptly. He regretted it immensely.
As much as we have been enjoying each other since we got back together, I can't forget that he DID break up with me. It feels like he's cheated on me: for a moment, he didn't value our relationship at all, he genuinely DIDN'T want to be with me, and he chose to cause me incredible emotional pain. Sure, he regretted it after, but he DID it.
Now we're trying to "fix" things, which IS what I want. But I feel like every moment is a test, and to be honest, I'm terrified of him.
I don't have that feeling like I did before of "he loves me and would never do anything to hurt me", because he has.
I desperately want to get past it. How?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend broke up with me. Apologised and asked for me back two days later. Hurt me terribly, feels like he cheated. I love him so much, but how can I trust him again? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Acceptable for me [15F] to like and speak to a guy [23M] who I've known for a few months from the internet?
POST: This is a throwaway account just for privacy!
So I've been watching this guy livestreaming for a while now, and the community is fairly small with us all getting along well. However, I recently started talking to him within the game that he livestreams and through messages elsewhere. I haven't shown my face or given away any personal information because I mostly feel uncomfortable with doing this on the internet to anybody. However, he's a cool guy, and really respects all of this, probably more than anybody else I've met in a while.
It isn't like I'm going to be in any position to meet him any time soon - we live across the ocean from each other. I feel like I have some sort of feelings for him that are a little more than friends, and many people regard me as being very mature for my age. However, since I'm so young, I would plan on waiting before getting anything to happen anyway. I know that an age difference this big is usually considered to be unacceptable. There is a possibility that he feels the same way and just doesn't wish to make things complicated or to be cutting things very close to the line of what is acceptable.
There are many people within the community who make jokes about the two of us being in a relationship and other things along those lines. It does make me a little uncomfortable that it's something I would never consider making happen until I was absolutely sure of what I wanted and who I am, and this is most of the reason as to why I'm posting this here.
TL;DR: | I have some feelings for a guy who is much older than me and I met on the internet, and people make jokes about us that make me uncomfortable, is it acceptable and what should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Father 53/M, keeps calling me Fat and badgers me about my (non existent weight problem) 24/F
POST: My father has recently been badgering me about my weight, and he brings it up at any time that he can. If I mention to my mother (if he is around) a great meal that I had he will chime in and say I didn't need that meal because I am 'fat.' The other day my mom was complimenting me on my body and my father kept cutting in and saying it wasn't perfect because "I was fat."
Now, this is very odd because
1. he has never had a problem with my weight previously
2. I am NOT NEARLY overweight ...
3. I have gained weight recently slowly over the past year, but that was after I went through a very difficult period in my life with an ED and very unhealthy relationship with food (abstaining) and exercise (over indulging)
4. HE is medically overweight and has High Blood Pressure
I feel like I need to tone up in some areas, but I have the loveliest SO, and because of him and my progress I don't feel pressure to do so in any timeline, so I want to do it in a healthy way. I also love myself enough now that his comments will not lead me back to my ED or body dysmorphic tendencies.. but I truly wonder why he says this to me
Next time he makes mention of my being fat ...I intend to confront him...but I want to divorce emotion from that interaction. Does anyone else have any suggestions on things to respond with? Something that will make him understand the gravity of his comments.
TL;DR: | My overweight father comments about my weight when I am not overweight and have previously suffered from ED; need help on how to talk to him about it |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [17 M] with my boyfriend[18F] of 5 months, patience problem on my behalf.
POST: My love language is quality time, and his is physical touch.
Right now, I see him for a few hours a week. I'm okay with that.
But soon, his parents will be moving to another county and he will be living half of the time at his grandparents house and the other time at his best friend's house. Over the summer, he and I will be going to work at different summer camps, with little to no communication between us. When he gets done with working over the summer, he will be going to college in a different county, while I will still be in high school.
I am afriad that with all of the changes, our time together will be cut very short, and I will have a really hard time coping with the lack of time seeing him. When we are apart now, I don't get texts such as "I Miss You" and "I can't wait to see you". His explination is that he is just very used to feeling lonely and is able to deal with it a lot better than I can. It is also mostly me that asks if we can hang out.
I feel as though I am chasing him instead of him chasing me. He doesn't seem very concerned about how little he may see me in the future. I'm scared that I will wimp out and not be able to take the separation. How do I learn enough patience and stand on my own enough to go through with this?
TL;DR: | I want to be able to spend more time with him, but the upcoming circumstances are forcing us apart. I'm afriad I can't last. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by not getting gas
POST: So unlike many other TIFU's this one just happened today. It was a normal Saskatchewan day in march, frosty and not that
nice.
So on to the fuck up. I live in a small rural town that is like living in the middle of no-where. After work yesterday I noticed that my gas tank was low but I had enough fuel to make it home and fuel up at the mom and pop gas station in the small town. So I thought, no harm no foul. That was until I made it to town and find out that the mom and pop shop had just closed down for good not even 3 days ago (damn I am a idiot for being a shut in reddit nerd over the past week.)
So it comes to this, do I risk running out of fuel in the morning or run back to the city to get gas. I assess the fuel gage and the fact that the emergency low fuel light wasn't on and the estimated fuel left from the on board computer thingy.
So I decided since the trip was 26km and the gauge said 40km I could leave it to the morning and get gas before I get to work.
Well I guess I should mention where the fuck up is in my story. Is it my logic of not getting gas the previous day? Nope. Is it the fact that I ended up hitchhiking to town to get a jerry can of gas to get me to town at 6:30 this morning? nope.jpg Is it the fact that this fucking corolla lied and only had roughly 15km worth of fuel in it? Yup kinda. It is also the fact that I for some reason to me did not remember that there was a perfectly good jug of gas sitting in the garage from the previous weeks where I needed a snowblower because of the horrible winter.
TL;DR: | This morning I ended up having to walk a couple of KM before someone stopped to help me cause I stupidly ran out of gas on the highway. It all could of been avoided if I looked in the garage last night |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What's the story your best friend hates to hear for the tenth time? Tell me the story that you always find a way to bring into the conversation.
POST: Share the story you use to impress people! I'll start:
My dad kicked a shark in the face.
He was spearfishing in Australia with a man named Crazy Ted. Or Bill. The details are fuzzy, except that his first name was 'Crazy'. Ted had speared a fish, and the blood caught the attention of two nurse sharks. Ted - sane, rational individual that he was - hid the fish behind his back, unwilling to let the sharks get at it. One of the sharks came nosing around, and it got a little too close to my dad. I don't know if it was nerves, or a strong sense of self preservation, but my father kicked the shark in the face, and it turned around and left. He and Crazy Ted got the hell out of dodge, with both fish and masculinity intact.
Also, the first time the same man ever smoked weed was out of a rifle barrel in Vietnam.
TL;DR: | My dad is way more interesting than I am. Events dramatized by the individual in question, and recorded as faithfully as memory provides. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I can't afford to go to my(28/f) oldest, best friends (28/f) wedding and feel terrible about it. How do I make it okay.
POST: Okay. "H" and I have been friends since we were 8. We've lived on opposite ends of the country since we were 14 but have maintained our friendship. We don't talk all the time, but we visit each other every few years and send each other mail once in a while. We are very different people now, have almost nothing in common, and we get on each other's nerves after a while, for sure. But we value our 20 year friendship ... it's very special. I don't think that she has a lot of close friends at this point in her life (making friends as an adult is hard) and I know that I'm special to her.
So she's getting married this August, it's still hush-hush but she gave me a heads up about a month ago. It's going to be a VERY small wedding. Just her immediate family ( which is admittedly quite large) and ME. Maybe a few other guests, but this is the impression I got. So I was very excited for her, and only sightly concerned about having to fly across the country in a couple months.
But looking at flights today, I realize I really can't afford to go. Flights will run me $900-$1000, for a weekend visit, and I really can't stomach it, at this time. It would be different if I had more time to save up for the trip, or wasn't actively saving for my pre-planned vacation as well. I WANT to go and would pay for it under different circumstances.
I feel like not going is almost not an option. That I should suck it up, charge it to my credit card (which I have *finally* almost paid off) and try not to be bitter about it. I don't know if it will really upset her if I don't attend. I'll feel lazy and cheap. How can I make it up to her, and feel okay about not going.
TL;DR: | Basically, I can't afford to go my closest and oldest friends wedding where I'm essentially the maid of honour (without the title) because she lives very far away. How do I remedy this with her and with myself? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Text message on boyfriend's phone
POST: I've [27F]been with my boyfriend [27M] for 4 months. We're serious and we have a lot of mutual friends in our circle. We've been pretty happy together and make time for each other despite of our busy schedules. We were shopping together yesterday and he was researching an item on his phone. Swiftly, he was checking his texts and and I saw a text from someone said "Miss you my love." I couldn't see anything else. I asked him about it and he said it was probably jokes from one of his friends. He didn't tell me who it was from specifically. His attitude was calm. Should I ask him further who it was from or should I let it go?
Thank you for your help!
TL;DR: | What should I do when I see text messages like this? We talked to each other about respecting or privacy but what should I do when I just accidently see messages like this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Everything is "perfect" but my girlfriend[25F] is breaking up with me[26M], how can I save it?
POST: My girlfriend had a several years relationship, the last of these years was like this: in the summer 2013 she had a semester away from him and from january until the summer 2014 she broke up with the idea of talking it over eventually.
Around May 2014 I started approaching her (we were studying together), and eventually in summer, I won her resistance. Even through basically she has not been with her ex for a year it was still a quick transition, with no moment in which she was really single. It was also a bit of an internal struggle because she was supposed to try again with her ex, but the plan was artificial and impractical given the feelings she had for me.
At the end of summer she was expecting a child from me, we resolved for a termination because we did not mean to have one and it was very early for us, but still we did it thinking positively about the future, like making a family one day. Even through we thought it through she, especially, was marked by the experience.
In September we started working more than 400km (250miles) apart (I hope to join her in the same city soon). in the past week she revealed that even through we made efforts to see each other during the weekends she felt like disengaged during the weekdays and with too much pressure on the weekend for it to be good. She told me that she tried hard to make it work but that even through on paper I'm perfect for her, she loves me so much and I did no wrong she can't help feeling like this. She says it is because fears connected with her previous relationship and that she is not actually ready for another one and needs time, that the problem is within her and that there is nothing I can do.
I love this girl, and I believe there is always something I can do to make it work, but I don't know what. The solution in my mind is not to spend less time together, but more time, like winter holidays to have "normal" time together.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR TIME AND HELP!
TL;DR: | Girl is coming out of long relationship, enters immediately a very intense new one with me, she loves me but now she doesn't feel ready for it, what can I do to save it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Why am I so afraid to tell him that I love him? (F19, M19)
POST: So I'm 19f, he's 19m. We've been together for 6 months. There were some complications during the start of the relationship. I almost broke up with him but we worked it out and are really solid now as a result.
After we resolved our issues, we really started to grow close and some serious feelings developed but he had to go out of the country for a month and a half. This has been kind of difficult for us because of the timing, but we've actually grown really close during this period--we skype/text/facebook chat everyday and have repeatedly expressed our strong feelings for each other.
We have discussed this before, but saying "I love you" is kind of a big deal for both of us, we think it's a big step. He casually said it to me the other day but I haven't said it myself. Part of me wants to wait until he comes back home(2 more weeks!) but another part of me can't contain it. I almost said it on Skype last night but got too scared. That's another issue.
I care about this guy so much and have no doubt in my mind that I love him, but I'm afraid of expressing it. It's not like I'm afraid of rejection since I know he feels the same way, I guess I'm more afraid of the fact that I feel so strongly about him. That vulnerability really scares me and I'm not sure if I understand it, or how i can get past it. This is my second serious relationship. First one was in high school, but it was a really unhealthy relationship. This one feels right. Anybody have any insight?
TL;DR: | I love my SO but I'm afraid of those feelings and afraid to express it. Not sure if its because he's out of the country or because I'm just afraid in general |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: I never knew I could feel so conflicted
POST: I threw her a "party" of just me and her. It's her 18th birthday soon and she refused to have a big party. I made her come over for pizza and Doctor Who. We laughed and made stupid jokes and horrible puns. It was beautiful. She opened her presents that I carefully picked out to fit her interests and she freaked out. She was ecstatic. I just tried to play it cool (which I honestly have no capability of doing) and tell her it was no big deal and that I was glad she liked them. On the inside I was half hoping she would be so happy she would kiss me or something stupid like that. The other half was hoping she would see me as a great friend. All of me was hoping she knew I cared about her whether I liked her or not. I am awful at interpreting my own feelings. I drove her home after 5 hours of good times. That drive was amazing. The whole 25 minutes of it. Going from my house to her house is beautiful. Trees, grass, and long winding roads. The kind you take with a lover on a road trip to nowhere. She means the world to me. I hope she knows that much. She is my best friend and my only friend. I don't fantasize about doing anything romantic. I don't wish she would beg me go out with her. I do, however, wish that I could understand how I feel so I can make the first move. If she were to ask me out on an actual date I have no idea if I would accept.
She broke my heart, as well as fix it. She was my first true love. We had a "thing" when we were younger. We were bigger than some middle school break up. We became best friends right after it all. We are growing up now (I'm only a few months younger than her if that is relevant) and I think to myself if we could work out. That's all it really is though, a thought. Thoughts can become more though and I'm really just trying to work out my own emotions.
If you have any advice, just want to tell me I'm crazy, or tell your own story; please do
TL;DR: | I threw my best friend (18f) a party. I'm (17m) super conflicted about how I feel about her. I need help figuring out what I should do about it. Have any of you struggled with this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Looks like my ex [21/f] and I [21/m] are on good terms?
POST: She contacted me out of the blue not too long ago and I simply assumed she wanted to meet.
I told her that I'd love to meet her to catch up and asked when she was free / back (from her trip).
She replied really quickly saying "I'm back on the 10th and I'm definitely up for a catch up :)"
I know we haven't set up an official date at the moment... but I told her to get in touch when she's back. I'm just going to ask her to bring a bottle of wine and we can make dinner together at mine.
What do you guys think? Does it all sound good?
TL;DR: | On better terms with ex after a year of radio silence. Thinking of inviting her over for dinner for a "catch up". She seems interested. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: So guys\gals did anyone ever had to deal with the phrase "You are the reason I can't achieve my dreams" coming from your parents ?
POST: Pretty much in the title. How many of you had this said to you when you were a teenager or even younger. I have a single immigrant mother, she said this a couple of months ago and it didn't even register that much then. But now every time i fuck something up or we get in an argument, especially how i never do anything around the house when I'm asked. Which basically goes straight into "You don't care about me for anything except food and house" argument. Now every time she says that, it just bring me back to the whole dreams thing. NO, my mom is not someone you can just talk to. Yes, i do do some house work, no its not perfect, between that school and sport i sleep 5 hrs avg week night. I honestly wish i wasn't born.
TL;DR: | How do you deal with that phrase " you are the reaason i cna't achieve my dreams" ? |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: I feel worthless and I probably won't amount to anything in my life.
POST: I'm 20 years old, and I'm a sophomore in community college. I work as a part time lifeguard. I have no special talents, I don't have any hobbies that I'm genuinely interested in, no special skills, and I'm not the smartest guy either.
I talk with a lot of people because I like to listen to what others have to say. Everyone tells me about their goals for the future, what they've accomplished, etc...
I'm not happy with my current situation. Right now I'm trying to major in biology but I don't care too much for it. I feel like I'm just going through the motions. My entire life, everyone tells me the same cliche thing over and over, go to school and get a job, raise family etc. I don't even like school, and it's not like I'm an awful student either.
I wake up every morning to the same damn thing. Class, work, workout, study. Rinse and repeat. I only have a handful of friends but they're all busy with college and they all have their own ambitions. I spend the majority of the time by myself in my room.
I just don't see myself amounting to anything. I want to do my own thing, but I'm afraid to disappoint my parents. I just don't have any motivation for anything, and I'm quite concerned about where my future is heading. I have no idea what I'm going to do, and I don't want to depend on my parents forever.
TL;DR: | I don't like where my life is headed, everyday is a routine, no hobbies, no skills no motivation, no ambition, and no interest in anything. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Do I [19F] owe my ex [24M] a birthday present?!
POST: I dated Andy for 8 months. I broke up with him in October. My birthday was at the end of the month so he already had my present and gave it to me when we broke up. It was a display case for my spoon collection (I looked it up, its worth around $40 I think.)
We were also supposed to go away for my birthday weekend, which obviously did not happen. I have no idea if he had invested any money into it/how much. I don't even know where we were going, what we were doing, or for how long. I do feel bad about breaking up before the trip, but I would've felt worse sticking around until after.
Since the breakup he has texted me almost every single day. I answered all his questions about the breakup at first, but he wasn't really listening so i just stopped responding. A few times I would give a direct "No." like when he'd ask if I wanted to hook up.
I went about two straight weeks without responding to *anything* until he asked about getting some of his stuff back. I made arrangements for him to pick it up from my parents. (which he hasn't done yet, so I'm assuming he's still hoping to leverage that to see me again).
He then apologized and asked me to give him a shot at being friends. I said i'd give it a shot, but I made it clear that I would not discuss the breakup or sex.
We've been doing alright, mostly small talk. But tonight he asked me what I got him for his birthday, which is early in December.
*What????????*
Do I owe him a birthday gift? I do feel bad that he spend the money on me. Although, I did not ask him for anything. he is also much better off financially than me. He has a full time job and makes money as a musician. I don't have a job at the moment and am struggling to pay for classes.
Is he joking? If so, how do I even respond to that? Say "nothing?"
TL;DR: | broke up with bf a few weeks before my birthday, so he had already bought my gift. His birthday is in a few weeks and he wants to know what i got him?? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [21/f] My best friend [21/f] seems like she doesn't give a shit about me anymore, spends the entire time on her phone when we hang out
POST: We've been best friends since we were 15. I'm in uni right now and I still live at home to save money. Through the years, my best friend has become a family friend. My parents see her as their daughter, my grandparents give her birthday presents, and she comes with us on family holidays.
She comes over at least once a week and chats with my parents. She used to chat with me, too. Now, however, it seems like she barely cares about me at all. My boyfriend and I were having problems and I called her, crying, and she told me she was too busy to talk (she was hanging out with some friends). My pet died two weeks ago and she said she'd come over the next day and see me, but she never did.
When she does come over, she spends the entire time looking at instagram on her phone and snapchatting her boyfriend. When she comes in, I ask her how she is and she answers, but then never asks me. If I tell her about something that's happening with me, she says "oh" and that's it. For example, I told her I have a new column in the student newspaper and she said "oh." I told her I was in a car accident and she said "oh." She didn't even ask me what happened or if I was okay.
I got really fed up the other day because I was talking to her and she was (of course) looking at something on her phone, but when I was finshed talking she said, "Oh, what? I wasn't listening." It was literally just us alone in a quiet house and she wasn't listening to me?
Does anyone have any idea what I should do or say? I'm a really timid person and I'm scared to say anything to her.
TL;DR: | My best friend ignores me when we hang out, spends the entire time looking at her phone, responds monosyllabically when I tell her anything about my life, but is very close to my family |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: I'm emotionally scarred by some stupid thing that happened when I was nine
POST: I was bullied through most of elementary school and always had few friends, and even then they had no problem telling me that I was a lower-tier friend. In the fourth grade I met a kid who seemed to actually appreciate me. One day the teacher had us break into groups for an assignment, and I asked him to be my partner thinking it was no big deal. He said, "Sorry [name]," and went to do the project with my sadistic bully.
At the time it didn't register as a super big deal to me. I just made a mental note, "Okay, what I learned from this experience is that I should never assume someone wants to be my friend." That's so fucked up! No kid should go through life thinking nobody wants to be your friend! But ever since then, that feeling of rejection has been burned into my mind on an unconscious level.
I've always felt alone, even when I made new friends. People would say hi so me, spend time with me, and it often didn't register at all that these people were trying to be my friend. When someone really eagerly *did* try to be my friend I would ignore them or treat them like crap, as if the primal, unconscious part of me needed to get revenge by giving me the chance to be the rejector for a change. I don't have friends now because I'm terrified of making myself vulnerable again, in addition to the usual problems like low self-esteem and lack of social skills. This is going to sound weird, but I've developed some sort of fetish/kink/romantic fantasy of being with someone who could easily physically harm me but chooses not to, so that I can finally feel what it's like to be vulnerable in a trusting relationship. In other words, I'm attracted to people who treat me badly. And of course, rejection still hurts—it makes me behave in unpredictable, irrational ways that I'm not even cognizant of until I'm finished with my silent freak out.
TL;DR: | My friend rejected me when I was nine and it messed me up way more than it should have. I'm 22 now. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm[25/F] about to move in with my boyfriend [25/M] and his parents.
POST: It's meant to be very temporary, certainly no longer than a couple months-- just until we can both find work and get on our feet. I'm not dreading it or anything. I love my boyfriend a lot, and I'm fond of his parents.
I'd just like to hear from a few people who have done this. I don't have lots of money, and I don't have a car. I just feel like this could be a tricky situation, and don't want to torpedo my relationship with my partner's parents. Or more importantly, my partner.
If anyone has any advice for successfully navigating this situation, I'd like to hear it! Thanks.
TL;DR: | I'm moving in with my boyfriend and his family for a few months while we job search. Looking for any advice anyone has to give :) |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23 M] with my first ever "relationship" [21 F] of 6 months, broken up 3 months ago, how did you get over you first?
POST: So, I've been in a pretty fucked up relationship for +- 6 months a while ago. Three months ago I decided to go no contact and break all ties with her.
We've been going out for 6 months prior, but during this time she kept saying she wasnt sure if she was really in love with me. However, she kept giving me attention because she didnt want to lose me as a friend. Ofcourse, the inexperienced guy I was, I thought that this was because she wanted something more, and I kept trying (and succeeding) to be more than friends. This resulted in one month being together, the next being just friends again.
Looking back I know that this wasnt a good start of a relationship. There were a lot of red flags and I should not have continued to pursue. But I did. So three months ago, I tried it for one last time, and it went really well. I was happy, but after some time I felt her getting a bit distant and she said again that she wasnt in love enough and not attracted to me enough. So i broke it off completely, blocked and removed her on everything etc.
Looking back, it wasnt really that much of a relationship, but she was the first girl i had sex with, and the first girl i actually felt something for. It lasted only a short time, but even after three months of not seeing/messaging/speaking her, I still think of her everyday multiple times. I feel very sad and I still feel that I want to be with her, although I know that I must forget her.
I know that this is a very common question, but how do I forget about this girl? After that short a relationship Im still thinking about her three months after, everyday. Everything reminds me of her. I am doing a lot of stuff with my friends and family, but it does not keep my mind off of her. How did you all move on? Is more time really the only thing needed? Im not depressed or anything, but I just want to forget her and move on. Is there something I can do to speed this up?
TL;DR: | My first (short) relationship was really bad, but even after a considerable amount of time, I keep thinking of her. This seems like a very common question, but is there something I can do to forget about her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Question about minimum caloric intake and starvation mode
POST: So I am a 20 year old guy, 5'11" and started off 4 weeks ago at 200 lbs. I decided to count my calories using myfitnesspal with a plan to lose 2 lbs a week, leaving my caloric intake at 1420/day. I have not been having a problem with this, and I've been losing about 2 lbs a week. Two weeks ago I lost about 2.5, and last week i believe i lost about 3.5 although i'm not sure as the times i've weighed myself are not always the same. Basically, I'm down somewhere around 10-11 lbs in 4 weeks.
I've adjusted to my diet by now, and have been very conscious of calories. I usually eat somewhere between 1200-1400 per day, but there are some days when I'm genuinely not as hungry, and may eat only around 1000 calories. There was even one day where I was extremely busy all day/night and only had around 850 without even really realizing.
My question is this: when I submit my calories and am under 1200, I get a warning message that I am probably not getting the nutrients my body needs and may enter "starvation mode". These days don't happen very often, MAYBE once a week or every other week, but how serious of an issue is this? I've contemplated just eating some extra foods to pass that 1200 mark, but I usually decided against it since I'm not actually hungry. Is this okay or would it be better to just eat a few extra things at the end of the day to make sure I reach that 1200 calorie mark?
TL;DR: | Is it better to eat some extra unnecessary foods at the end of the day to make sure i have eaten at least 1200 calories or is it okay to be under that number every once in a while? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19M] like a girl [19F] but asked about one of her friends last year
POST: Going to make this quick: I want to start dating this girl I like at college, but last year I asked if one of her friends was interested in a relationship. Said friend wound up seeing another guy but now I'm starting to like the girl I asked. I fear that she'll realize this if I try to pursue a relationship with her. If this eventually comes up, what do I do? I mean it was a while ago but that's going to be pretty damn awkward if she realizes that...
FYI I know this girl at least somewhat trusts me, we have a lot of mutual friends so I eat lunch with her + others sometimes. She told me that she's abstaining until marriage which is OK with me since I don't want a sexual relationship right now. To my knowledge I'm one of only a few males she's ever told.
Also, never had a relationship before. I posted here about a few other times about girls I liked to no avail, so some general dating tips would help out.
TL;DR: | Never had a relationship, talking to girl I like who I asked about one of her friends, don't know what to do if the situation comes up (or really how to date for that matter) |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I'm considering marrying an illegal immigrant. My parents do not approve b/c of his status/beliefs.
POST: My boyfriend and I have been in a loving relationship for a year and four months. He came here four years ago to study and has since let his student visa expire- due to falling behind on payments. He is unable to get a student loan because he is not legal anymore. He could be sent back at anytime. He is also an atheist. I was raised protestant and my family is very religious. I am an atheist as well, but I do not share this information with my family. The only way for him to return to school and finish his payments is for us to get married, or he could win the green card lottery- which is slim chances! I don't want him to get sent back and I want the best for him. Has anyone gone through something similar? Any advice? I'm seriously considering marrying him without telling my family.
TL;DR: | I'm considering marrying my boyfriend so he can go back to school. My parents strongly disapprove because he is an illegal alien and he is an atheist. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Not sure if I [m26] should try pursuing this girl [f25]
POST: I've been seeing this girl from work at lunch quite often and we talk and get on well, she texts me regularly and such but for some reason I struggled to get a date. She would say she wasn't sure what she was doing etc. Eventually I gave up and just left it, reduced contact massively and she obviously missed me from the little comments she'd make at work and the fact she then actually asked me out instead.
All good so far and the date seemed to go well but I seem to be in the same position again where I got an "I'll let you know" about the weekend which previously meant I wouldn't hear anything.
So the thing is, I keep getting solid interest from her, lots of dating style questions and some physical touching but I don't get a great reaction from flirting or interest in actually going out.
It also doesn't help that I was chatting to a mutual friend and she's put this annoying thought in my head. She mentions this girl might be in love with her male best friend (she hasn't long broken up with her long term boyfriend, newly single etc.) and now I'm thinking is she confused about what she wants? Am I being used for attention? Is she only interested in being friends?
Is it worth investing myself in her at this point?
TL;DR: | newly single girl, had some dating success with mixed interest, might be in love with her best friend. Confused. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I am [16F] and have been best friends with this amazing guy [17M] for 5 years, But he wants a relationship and I don't.
POST: I have been best friends with this guy since i started secondary school (for anyone who doesn't understand british schooling system I was 11 and he was 12 when we met) I didn't really start talking to him until he got together with one of my close friends and after that we have spoken every day, he makes me laugh and he's very sweet but he doesn't understand that I'm not the right type of girl for him.
Today he finally confessed that he's had a crush on me since we met and I'm finding it hard to deal with as I have recently got out of a relationship I was not comfortable with.
He means a lot to me and recently he's been offering to buy me things and spend a lot more time with me, I feel comfortable in his company but I know that he likes me in a way that I don't like him.
I told him that I don't want to be with him in a romantic sense but i feel pressured and insecure.
I don't know what to do anymore.
(also i am not great at relationships almost always ending them because i feel uncomfortable or they are not working out)
TL;DR: | I am [16F] and have been best friends with this amazing guy [17M] for 5 years, But he wants a relationship and I don't. |
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