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But she said, Lovala is not about money. It's not a financial exchange. And she even went on to say, if my husband takes out 20,000 rand for me, I'm fine. She says it's about when I go home and I say, Malome, remember that uncle, the funny one?
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ursula
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But she said, lobola is not about money. It's not a financial exchange. And she even went on to say, if my husband takes out 20,000 rand for me, I'm fine. She says it's about when I go home and I say, Malome, remember that uncle, the funny one?
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EN-ZA
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You know, so she says it's a game where two families, where my family can understand the family I'm marrying into and can understand the individuals and the moving parts in a way.
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ursula
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You know, so she says it's a game where two families, where my family can understand the family I'm marrying into and can understand the individuals and the moving parts in a way.
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EN-ZA
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They had that. And that's why there's a lot of banter in those sessions.
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ursula
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They had that. And that's why there's a lot of banter in those sessions.
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EN-ZA
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No, no, no, this is a long time ago. I was at least 20s. Hey, I'm still in my 20s. Sure.
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ursula
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No, no, no, this is a long time ago. I was at least 20s. Hey, I'm still in my 20s. Sure.
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EN-ZA
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I was in my early 20s and I've never seen it the same and I've never had a tug of war with it because I see it for what it is.
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ursula
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I was in my early 20s, and I've never seen it the same, and I've never had a tug of war with it because I see it for what it is.
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EN-ZA
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Every time I hear very exorbitant La Voila prices in my heart, I'm like, that's people that don't get that as a game.
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ursula
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Every time I hear very exorbitant lala prices in my heart, I'm like, that's people that don't get that it's a game.
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EN-ZA
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And I think many people are having them. You're really speaking to conversations I have with my friends all the time.
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ursula
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And I think many people are having them. You're really speaking to conversations I have with my friends all the time.
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EN-ZA
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And some things like cultural norms, if you think of dowry, dowry is when the bride now pays into the guy's family. That's just in a different part of the world. So meaning that this game exists across the world.
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ursula
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And some things like cultural norms, if you think of dowry, dowry is when the bride now pays into the guy's family. That's just in a different part of the world. So meaning that this game exists across the world.
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EN-ZA
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And yes, it can be a games night, but is a games night really the solution? What if the bride price wasn't as exorbitant and we stick to what it's supposed to be?
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ursula
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And yes, it can be a games night, but is a games night really the solution? What if the bride price wasn't as exorbitant and we stick to what it's supposed to be?
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EN-ZA
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For this bride. Who must it come from? I'm just saying. Who must it come from? Is it still an issue?
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ursula
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For this bride. Who must it come from? I'm just saying. Who must it come from? Is it still an issue?
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EN-ZA
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In other parts of the world, women are paying dowry for men, but they still take the man's surname.
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ursula
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In other parts of the world, women are paying dowry for men, but they still take the man's surname.
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EN-ZA
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They must ask us. I'm saying there are two thank yous for the girl here.
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ursula
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They must ask us. I'm saying there are two thank yous for the girl here.
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EN-ZA
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A traditional family game that we play. It's called Lobola, and there's an exchange of money and gifts.
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ursula
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A traditional family game that we play. It's called Lobola, and there's an exchange of money and gifts.
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EN-ZA
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Right for me, it becomes distorted when it's about, did you take out a million rand?
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ursula
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Right for me, it becomes distorted when it's about, did you take out a million rand?
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EN-ZA
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How when I explain to you what I think in essence Labor is supposed to be and the principle behind it?
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ursula
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How when I explain to you what I think in essence Labor is supposed to be and the principle behind it?
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EN-ZA
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Nah. I'm and I agree so much, keep the principle. But I think that there's elements that don't need to be completely discarded generally when it comes to culture, when it comes to tradition. I think there's some fun elements and some cute things, nuances that can be kept.
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ursula
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Nah. I'm and I agree so much, keep the principle. But I think that there's elements that don't need to be completely discarded generally when it comes to culture, when it comes to tradition. I think there's some fun elements and some cute things, nuances that can be kept.
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EN-ZA
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Because in the same breath, like I said, I don't know these people personally. It was a story I heard through a friend.
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ursula
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Because in the same breath, like I said, I don't know these people personally. It was a story I heard through a friend.
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EN-ZA
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He takes care of the kids. But only here at this place must I be a man who fulfills only my male roles, which is to house us. But when I'm changing diapers, and I'm not accusing you of not being woman enough.
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ursula
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He takes care of the kids. But only here at this place must I be a man who fulfills only my male roles, which is to house us. Uh, but when I'm changing diapers, and I'm not accusing you of not being woman enough.
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EN-ZA
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Uh but I just I feel like there's a balance and we don't have to scrap the whole process.
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ursula
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Uh but I just I feel like there's a balance and we don't have to scrap the whole process.
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EN-ZA
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How do you have relationships that help you succeed and help you live a good and happy life?
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ursula
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You know, so it says it's a game where two families, where my family can understand the family I'm marrying into and can understand the individuals and the moving parts in a way.
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EN-ZA
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And I've got a very special guest with me, somebody who I just love to bits. And she's a fellow Virgo.
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ursula
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She's just a game. It's like playing 30 seconds with the opposite family, but at 30 seconds of back then. How how else do we do this thing where we're intimately merging families and they're getting to know each other.
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EN-ZA
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And you guys know how I feel about star signs. So when I have another Virgo in the room, I know it's going to be lit. And you know how we do on this podcast?
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ursula
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And you guys know how I feel about star signs. So when I have another Virgo in the room, I know it's going to be lit. And you know how we do on this podcast?
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EN-ZA
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So my name is Urshila Mariani. Am I doing a full introduction or is my name enough?
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ursula
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I was in my early twenties when and I've never seen it the same and I've never had a tug of war with it because I see it for what it is.
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EN-ZA
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Keshila, what do you do? For those who don't know, but I'm sure most of the people on this tribe know what you do. I am a podcaster.
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ursula
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Every time I hear very exorbitant global prices in my heart, I'm like, that's people that don't get that it's a game.
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EN-ZA
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You said you're letting go of how many people? Wow.
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ursula
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You said you're letting go of how many people? Wow.
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EN-ZA
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That was, yeah, that ruined, and it set the tone. It happened in February, and it set the tone for the rest of the year.
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ursula
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And yes, it can be a games night, but is a games night really the solution? What if the bride price wasn't as exorbitant and we stick to what it's supposed to be.
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EN-ZA
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Like, oh, what's happening in the ABC company? And then they discussed it so formally, they talked about the numbers, they talked about, and I remember just realizing now when people talk about like companies doing badly, I personalize it because I remember feeling like.
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ursula
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Like, oh, what's happening in the ABC company? And then they discussed it so formally. They talked about the numbers, they talked about, and I remember just realizing now when people talk about like companies doing badly, I personalize it because I remember feeling like in other parts of the world, women are paying uh dowry for men, but they still take the men's surname.
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EN-ZA
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And one day she's going for a run. I'm like, can I join you?
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ursula
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a traditional family game that we play, it's called Lobola, and there's an exchange of money and gifts.
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EN-ZA
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Yes. And she says, I actually don't run much. I walk.
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ursula
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right? For me, it becomes distorted when it's about did you take out a million rand?
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EN-ZA
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I believe that you should confront the thing or at least manage it before it becomes a big problem. So because I have generalized anxiety disorder, what therapists like to do is recommend really harsh antidepressants.
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ursula
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He takes care of the kids, but only here at this place. Must I be a man who fulfills only my my male roles, which is to house us. Uh but when I'm changing diapers and I'm not I'm not accusing you of not being woman enough.
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EN-ZA
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So using supplements has really helped me. Stress management supplements, things with ashwagandha, LIC, what's the other one? Magnesium for sleep?
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ursula
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But I just I feel like there's a balance and we don't have to scrap the whole process.
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EN-ZA
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Like I said about Jesus Christ, you just take bits and pieces like, but Jesus, and I'm like, you didn't read the whole story. So I'm a victim of that.
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ursula
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Even listen, even those that look like they have it all together, the label lines of life.
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EN-ZA
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That's not what it is at all. Most people don't know what Ilobolo is. That's why I'm asking if you r learned this recently, because I know a lot of people don't know what it is. And you're right about money, because people don't have money.
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ursula
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And it's called the conversation capital and that's what I do. I host that. I'm also a voiceover artist.
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EN-ZA
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Because then we have to scrap this lobolo thing because you can't pick and choose how it suits you.
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ursula
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And about a year and some months later it was taken away from me and I couldn't believe it. And like I said, I set the tone for the rest of the year because you budget, right?
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EN-ZA
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Whether it's 10 rand or a million rand you're saying this issue from the man. No. Why is it coming from the man?
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ursula
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And so it didn't have much to do with me. Mhm. However, ugh, it affected me. Yes. You know, so, you know, when they there was a time they were talking about it in the news actually. I think it was a clip on Kaya FM.
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EN-ZA
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In other parts of the world, women are paying dowry for men, but they still take the man's surname.
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ursula
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In other parts of the world, women are paying dowry for men, but they still take the man's surname. Like, oh, what's happening in say ABC company? And then they discussed it so formally, they talked about the numbers, they talked about and I remember just realizing now when people talk about like companies doing badly, I personalize it because I remember feeling
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EN-ZA
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to the girls family is from the man but because what i'm saying these are company
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ursula
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Yeah, because like, you know, stress levels and it was such a mess. It was such a mess. It was really a difficult time.
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EN-ZA
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For me, it's like the principle isn't lost. It's lost in definitely the amount of money. That's for me. I agree. So if the principle is we're emerging families, this is a traditional family. We're emerging families. Yeah.
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ursula
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I think I went through a bit of a depressive bit at some point, maybe at the year 21.
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EN-ZA
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The nitty-gritties, and people miss what was meant to happen.
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ursula
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I'll be it differently. Um, and you know, the struggles might be different, but you you guys are essentially trying to survive this thing called life.
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EN-ZA
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And look, we did throw enough for people to maybe engage and go think about it at home and to argue with you or me to be like, I don't know what it's all about. That's okay.
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ursula
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Because I feel like the combination with like your endorphins being released and you know, breathing in like natural air and nature and this and that for me, it really made the world of a big difference, like really made the world of a big difference.
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EN-ZA
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To ask her out. She was the one to be like, but what are we?
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ursula
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To ask her out. She was the one to be like, 'But what are we?' Um, oh, I've forgotten how that quote goes. But basically, um, who are you not to be? Or
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EN-ZA
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Even, listen, even those that look like they have it all together, the Libu lines of life.
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ursula
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Even, listen, even those that look like they have it all together, the Libu lines of life.
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EN-ZA
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So my name is Urshila Mariani. Am I doing a full introduction or is my name enough?
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ursula
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So my name is Urshila Mariani. Am I doing a full introduction or is my name enough?
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EN-ZA
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And it's called the Conversation Capital, and that's what I do. I host that. I'm also a voiceover artist.
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ursula
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And it's called the Conversation Capital, and that's what I do. I host that. I'm also a voiceover artist.
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EN-ZA
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Did it. And about a year and some months later, it was taken away from me and I couldn't believe it. And like I said, it set the tone for the rest of the year because you budget, right?
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ursula
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Did it. And about a year and some months later, it was taken away from me and I couldn't believe it. And like I said, it set the tone for the rest of the year because you budget, right?
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EN-ZA
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You're like, no, I can do this, I can do that, this year I'm going to do this. And all of a sudden, you just need to re-strategize all the great plans. And it's just like, oh my gosh, I can't believe this is happening to me.
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ursula
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You're like, no, I can do this, I can do that, this year I'm going to do this. And all of a sudden, you just need to re-strategize all the great plans. And it's just like, oh my gosh, I can't believe this is happening to me.
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EN-ZA
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I was feeling disheartened. I think that's definitely the word. Disheartened. And I was a bit upset and annoyed.
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ursula
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I was feeling disheartened. And I was a bit upset and annoyed.
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EN-ZA
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And so it didn't have much to do with me. However, it affected me. You know, so when they there was a time they were talking about it in the news, actually, I think it was a clip on Kai FM.
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ursula
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And so it didn't have much to do with me. However, it affected me. Yes. You know, so when there was a time they were talking about it in the news, actually, I think it was a clip on Kai FM.
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EN-ZA
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Like, oh, what's happening in the ABC company? And then they discussed it so formally, they talked about the numbers, they talked about, and I remember just realizing now when people talk about like companies doing badly, I personalize it because I remember feeling like.
|
ursula
|
Like, oh, what's happening in the ABC company? And then they discussed it so formally, they talked about the numbers, they talked about, and I remember just realizing now when people talk about like companies doing badly, I personalize it because I remember feeling like.
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EN-ZA
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That was my job. That was me. That was me.
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ursula
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That was my job. That was me. That was me.
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EN-ZA
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Yeah, because like, you know, stress levels and it was such a mess. It was such a mess. It was really a difficult time.
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ursula
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Yeah, because like, you know, stress levels and it was such a mess. It was such a mess. It was really a difficult time.
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EN-ZA
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I I think I went through a bit of a um depressive dip at some point, maybe I think it was the the year twenty twenty one.
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ursula
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I think I went through a bit of a um depressive dip at some point, maybe I think it was the year twenty twenty one.
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EN-ZA
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Yes. And she says, I actually don't run much. I walk.
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ursula
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Yes. And she says, I actually don't run much. I walk.
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EN-ZA
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And so we start doing this thing where we walk for like an hour.
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ursula
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And so we start doing this thing where we walk for like an hour.
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EN-ZA
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I'll be a differently and you know the struggles might be different but you you guys are essentially trying to survive this thing called life.
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ursula
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I'll be a differently and you know the struggles might be different but you guys are essentially trying to survive this thing called life.
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EN-ZA
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Like she was 45 minutes from me. Can you believe we still meet once a week?
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ursula
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Like she was 45 minutes from me. Can you believe we still meet once a week?
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EN-ZA
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Oh, grab someone and go for a walk. And there's something about the endorphins and the, you know, I actually want to meet a therapist that does like therapy walks.
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ursula
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Oh, grab someone and go for a walk. And there's something about the endorphins and the, you know, I actually want to meet a therapist that does like therapy walks.
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EN-ZA
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Because I feel like the combination with like your endorphins being released and you know breathing in like natural air and nature and this and that, for me, it really made the world of a difference. Like really made the world of a difference.
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ursula
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Because I feel like the combination with like your endorphins being released and you know breathing in like natural air and nature and this and that, for me, it really made the world of a difference. Like really made the world of a difference.
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EN-ZA
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um oh i've forgotten how that quote goes but basically um who are you not to be or
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ursula
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um oh I've forgotten how that quote goes but basically um who are you not to be or
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EN-ZA
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For me, that is a game changer of the supplements. Yeah. So how would you define the word stress?
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ursula
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For me, that is a game changer of the supplements. Yeah. So how would you define the word stress?
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EN-ZA
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So yeah, when I really mean I mean it when I say this evil little thing.
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ursula
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So yeah, when I really mean I mean it when I say this evil little thing.
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EN-ZA
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Yeah, that's what I've seen with, it's not something like, wusah, get over it. Your body will.
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ursula
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Yeah, that's what I've seen with, it's not something like, wusah, get over it. Your body will.
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EN-ZA
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Even listen, even those that look like they have it all together, the Libu lines of life.
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ursula
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Even, listen, even those that look like they have it all together, the leeward lines of life.
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EN-ZA
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