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Being Positive for my Husband
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I struggle with negative thinking and talking out of habit, but today I’m deciding to be better for the sake of my husband’s mental health and that of our future children.
I applied to an exciting job yesterday. Having a hard time dealing with the writer’s strike as I was working in the film industry and work has run out in Georgia.
I have a Masters degree in Marketing and BA in Anthropology. Anyone have any career path ideas? I have three years film and tv set and basecamp PA experience as well.
| 2 |
Public Journal To Fix My Life | Day 7 of 90
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Hello again! I hope you all had a great day. As always, **here's a summary for new readers**:
​
This journal is intended to keep me accountable on my journey of healing and self-improvement. I'm determined to climb out of a deep hole, and I believe this journal is a crucial step. I can't promise that reading this will be interesting or fun, but it will be real. With that said, let's begin.
​
Today was pretty average, and nothing interesting happened, which is okay. Not every day can be an adventure, right?
​
I woke up early, did a 10-minute meditation, and attended my online class. I had to do a presentation about the marketing process, and it went well. After that, I received a letter from the city informing me that there will be no water supply until 5 pm tomorrow due to construction. So, I prepared myself by filling a couple of thermos with water, I think I'll be good.
​
After that, I smoked a joint and chilled in my room for a couple of hours. Then, I cooked rice with meat and beans for the whole week. I find it easier to prepare meals in advance. It was really good, and I shared some with a roommate who loved it.
​
Later, I searched for places to take pictures this weekend and found a beautiful park in my city with a great view of the sunset. I decided to go there on Sunday and challenged myself to invite friends to have a picnic. I'm not used to doing that, but I read somewhere that the best way to make friends is to take the initiative and invite them. So, I took a step out of my comfort zone and invited them. I haven't received their response yet, but I'm pretty sure they will accept.
​
I've noticed that I've been wasting a lot of time on my phone in the afternoons for the past two days. Tomorrow, I'll challenge myself to go running as a way to exercise and break that habit. I want to start building the habit of running, so I'll start small with 20-30 minutes of running and maybe try jumping rope for 10 minutes afterward (I'll have to figure out how to do that tomorrow, though).
​
That was my day, not too interesting. See you all tomorrow!
​
**P.S.** OMG, I just realized it's been a week since I started this journal! Thank you so much to everyone who reads it daily and supports my journey. You're truly saving someone's life. Love you all.
| 9 |
/r/DecidingToBeBetter will be going dark from June 12-14 in protest against Reddit's API changes which kill 3rd party apps.
| null | 726 |
Being a short man in today society suck ass. 20 year old man
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I'm here to just rant really and get things off m chest. Being short as a man has to be one of the biggest curses bro. Like it's already bad enough having to live it everyday but having taller people reminds you everyday how short you are is fucking hell bc there's not really nothing you can do about it. I'm 5’6, literally all my friends and cousins are 5’10 and taller which is such bullshit. They all have to make my height the subject of every joke and it be annoying as fuck. Even my grandma on my mom side is taller them me which is so depressing. And then don't even get me started on dating part that's a whole another post. But in conclusion, me having to deal with this for the rest of my life make me not even want to have kids bc I don't even want my potentially son to go this shit bc I fucking hate it. I don't really know how to cope with this bc it’s absoulety shit.
| 4 |
Imma stop being an airhead. Just stop. K?
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Every hour of the day I'm choosing to amuse myself with dumb content instead of acquiring an education, making something out of myself, and earning my own self respect.
This is changing now bitchesssss. Oh look I just changed. How? I just did. Ew remember old me? that was depressing! Hahahaha. kbye. I don't have time to be on reddit, I got shit to do
| 4 |
How to stay focused on intimacy?
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Lately, and for certain waxing and waning periods of my life, I have struggled to maintain a strong sex drive. Sometimes it's just the initial desire I can't work up, but other times I genuinely want to have sex but find that my mind is wandering too frequently to actually maintain my libido. I'll go from "let's get it going" to "did I take out the hamburger for dinner? I wonder where the cat is right now..." and can't seem to keep my mind focused for longer than a few minutes. My partner says he has struggled with this too and tries to focus discreetly on the sensations of his body to stay in the moment but I am still finding it difficult. Does anyone have any tips for slowing my brain down and letting myself enjoy sex for the full duration?
Side note: I used to be a heavy marijuana smoker and drinker and I think I am still getting over the damage that did to my libido. Quitting has helped the initial interest, but has made my brain-talk worse because the drugs aren't dulling my thoughts anymore
| 7 |
How do I overlook people licking their lips?
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So I am a weird person with weird dislikes that most people wouldn't notice. One of them is people licking their lips, especially people who do it WAY TOO DAMN MUCH. Whenever I see someone licking their lips, it really bothers me and there has even been like at least 2 times where I became very angry because someone licked their lips so, many, times. Even when watching YT vids, once I see someone do it, it just rubs me the wrong way and I don't even want to look at the person anymore. Even the sound bothers me and I struggle to get through songs because of someone licking their lips. I actually had to stop listening to my fav artist of all time because they lick their lips so damn much and the sound of it is horrible. My grandma does it alot and I can't stand sitting by her when she does it.
What I'm asking is, how can I overlook someone licking their lips, especially those who do it many, many, MANY times? I miss the times before I noticed it. This is literally ruining my life and I wouldn't be surprised if it got worse to a point of where I don't even want to look at people's faces anymore, just to avoid seeing/hearing them licking their DAMN lips. Any help and advice would be appreciated. And btw, I'll block anyone who I perceive to be rude and callous to me for no reason. Just a fair warning.
| 2 |
How to learn to be able to clean and declutter room again.
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I (26F) been struggling for few years with being able to clean and decluttery room. My executive function skills when it comes to making decisions has vanished and I'm working on stopping hoarding stuff (I no longer want to buy, but can't let go.) after the past few years have been rough. I'm making progress then it disappears. I'm in a cycle that mostly lasts me not being able to maintain clean room (it's impacted me in other areas but not as much). I've gotten help a few times from friends and family. But I can't seem to do it by myself after a bit. How do I learn to do this without being overwhelmed. I struggle with putting something in a bag or putting it away.
| 13 |
Struggling with sense of identity - How did you learn to like yourself?
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Ever since I was a kid I've been very introverted and never felt comfortable around my parents or anyone else. I was always quite angry but I'm not sure what I was angry about. I've always hated my appearance and considered being "beautiful" to be one of the most important things in life, this led me to develop eating disorders and become highly self-critical. I don't trust people at all. I don't feel like I have any redeeming qualities, I don't understand why my friends hang out with me and I often convince myself that people only speak to me because I'm there, but if I disappeared it wouldn't impact anyone.
My last breakup really made me question who I am and my entire sense of self. Someone who I thought loved me just decided one day that they didn't and cut me out of their life completely. Since, I feel like I've just lost person after person and it's really impacting my sense of self. I struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts and to regulate my emotions. How can I learn about myself and change this negative self view I have? I'm worried I'm stuck like this and will never be happy or comfortable in my skin. I just feel wrong, boring, stupid, unsuccessful, ugly and most of all just like people can read all these negative thoughts on my face and don't like me.
How can I work on this?
| 25 |
I’m a late bloomer
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I've been a late bloomer in all aspects of my life. I'm 22, never went to college, never got my license, never had a boyfriend or true romantic experience, still living with my parents. I feel like I failed myself. Its hard seeing other my age graduating with degrees, a happy relationship, moving forward in their lives. I admit I'm envious and it saddens me.
But I want to achieve all of these goals and I’m going to. I fear people will judge me for starting college at 22 when most are 18 or for not having my license or ever having a relationship and I hate that I care so much about other peoples opinions but moving forward I want to try my best to only care about opinions that matter!
| 1 |
Hey there Reddit, I hope you are all well!
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Hi there, Redditors!
I want to share a personal story with you all today—I have had a life filled with challenges, setbacks, and ultimately, triumphant success. Along the way, I discovered some powerful techniques and self-help practices that transformed my life, and I believe they can do the same for you. I see a lot of people in here struggling the same way I did so I felt the want to share how I sorted myself out.
A few years ago, I found myself in a state of stagnation, feeling lost and unfulfilled. That's when I stumbled upon a person that completely changed my perspective on life. His simple yet effective goal-setting techniques and self-help routines paved the way for me to embark on a remarkable transformation.
1. The Power of Clarity: The book helped me gain crystal-clear clarity on what I wanted to achieve. By setting specific, actionable goals, I was able to break down overwhelming tasks into manageable steps. Suddenly, my dreams became tangible, and I had a roadmap to follow.
2. The Strength of Visualization: One technique that truly stood out for me was visualization. Through the book's guidance, I learned to visualize my goals with vivid detail, embracing the emotions of success as if they were already a reality. This practice ignited my motivation and belief in myself, propelling me forward even during tough times.
3. The Magic of Daily Routines: The book introduced me to a range of self-help routines that became my secret weapons for personal growth. From morning affirmations to gratitude journaling and mindfulness exercises, these simple yet transformative practices became the cornerstone of my daily routine, keeping me focused, positive, and motivated.
Now, I could go on and on about the incredible insights he gave me on life, but I don't want to overwhelm you. I invite you to experience the power of these techniques for yourself. That's why I've written my own book, "Embracing Your Brilliance, Unveiling The Best Version Of You" inspired by the lessons I learned along the way. It's a practical guide that combines personal anecdotes, scientific research, and actionable strategies to help you transform your life and reach your full potential.
I genuinely believe that it can make a difference in anyone's life, just as it did in mine. If you're looking for a roadmap to personal growth, goal achievement, and overall fulfillment, I encourage you to check it out.
Remember, life is an ever-evolving journey, and with the right tools and mindset, you can overcome any obstacles in your path. Let's support each other on this beautiful adventure, and may we all find the inspiration and guidance we need to create the lives we truly desire.
If you're interested, you can find "Embracing Your Brilliance, Unveiling The Best Version Of You" on Amazon for a very cheap price. I have made the book relatively short as I found with a lot of self help books there can be a lot of wasteful reading in them, I have crafted these books to be straight to the point. I'd be grateful for your support, and I genuinely hope it brings as much value to your life as it did to mine.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story, and I look forward to hearing about your own journeys of growth and transformation. Together, let's empower ourselves to live our best lives.
Thanks so much.
| 2 |
Can you actually move past failure and regret?
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Hi all,
So a little about me, I’m 25, I’ve always been the “smart” overachieving kid, until I got to university and my lack of work ethic came back to bite me. I went to a great school but did terribly at my bachelors, luckily the course I was on you automatically progress to a masters and I managed to do very well (top 5% of my class). My masters was a turning point for me, completely changed my work ethic and who I am as a person, and I’ve spent the last two years trying to improve myself.
I went into consulting out of university to explore career options, and have decided to go back into my field of study (swe). What messes with me is the constant feeling of regret, of wasting my time at university, not socialising or making friends, not getting internships or working hard, and the gloom of feeling like I’m always going to be behind in life. Now I’m looking back at some of my classmates who have gone to the likes of FAANG or other great places and wonder if I’ll ever catch-up. This ruminating gets so bad that sometimes I feel like I should just give up since I’ve ruined my chances of actually having a high powered career (which on some level I know is not the whole truth but can’t help but think of how I’ve set myself back). Even if I do make it, knowing myself I’ll end up angry and bitter that I’m years behind my peers.
I’m starting therapy for the first time soon in hopes of working through this, but my question to you is this - can you actually move past your regrets and failures, so that you can focus your energy on the future, or will they always be there at the back of your head and the best you can do is try to cope with them?
| 3 |
What do you do when your not getting better?
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Hey, so yeah what do you guys do with your time when your not doing the good habit? I have a lot of time on my hands but studying all day or reading or doing some other good habit all day always leads me to burnout. I already worked out, walked and played with my dog, did a little reading n studying, went to the store, etc ... I cleaned my rooms, showered, did my laundry and I still have 6 hours left in the day to do what? I don't wanna keep adding new things to my routine cause then I'll just burnout. I'm trying to take small steps but it leaves me so bored. And since I cleaned n did laundry today, that's less stuff for me tomorrow... any advice would be appreciated. Thanks
Also want to mention, I'm filled with anxiety so things as simple as walking across the street or making plans with someone is hard for me
| 3 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 12 of 180 self improvement plan
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Started my day teaching chemistry. Taught around 2 hr 30 mins. Kids developed an appetite to study longer. I will try to continue this streak.
Then started with my certification course. My AC faultered again. Condenser failed. Repair cost around ₹7.5 K. It's a financial strain at the moment.
Though continued with the course. I was go the gym by 4:30PM today i delayed it. Continued with the course untill I finished 2 modules.
But, i don't know why. I'm not able to pass the test for 4th module of email marketing. Anyways, I will try tomorrow.
Went to the gym. Meet a guy. Who's around 70 KG and easily squats around 160kg. I told him that Im not able to break the barrier of 130 kg. He's like brother its all in our head. If I can do it, so can you.
I went for it. Loaded the bar with 140 KG. I don't how i did manage to do 1 reps. Impressive.
Came home. Wrote a LinkedIn article about why pain is important for growth.
Study for a bit.
I did have a good news. The where I'm working a copywriter, expanded to content writing. I'm gonna write some blog as well. Work is gonna be amazing.
On track on my plan.
| 3 |
What’s the One Habit That Has Made the Biggest Positive Impact on Your Life?
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Hello, everyone!
We often read about the importance of building good habits for self-improvement. But sometimes, it can feel overwhelming knowing where to start.
To help each other out, let's share the single habit that has had the most profound positive effect on our lives.
Whether it's waking up early, reading daily, journaling, or anything else, let's hear about what's worked best for you and how it's changed your life for the better.
Looking forward to your insightful responses!
(From the secret self improvement community…)
| 70 |
Today I decide to be better, I need advice
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So I have a few issues with myself that I need to overcome in order to be better
1: I have a porn addiction
2: I do compulsions as I have intrusive thoughts, OCD(mild)
3: my mind obsess over weird stuff like racist thoughts ( so OCD and racial prejudices that aren’t ocd all combined)
4: I have self-steem, self-confidence , self-love, self acceptance and inferiority complex issues
5: im overweight and have acne
6: I don’t study much my subjects at university
7: I go to bed late and don’t eat well
8:im untidy and my house is a mess
So I will try to improve the most I can from these stuff and become a better person and human being
| 3 |
My boyfriend deserves better…
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I don’t think I’m good enough for my boyfriend. I’m in a stage in my life where there are many disruptions in my family life and mental health. I have anxiety, insecurity and my anxiety affects my relationship greatly. A lot of our fights are because of my anxiety and the actions that come with it, like my inability to communicate well or creating my own conclusions. My unhealthy anxious attachment style, literally everything is just wrong with me and it is so draining for him. I understand why he’s annoyed with me all the time. If it’s not one thing it’s the next. I’ve tried making things better, things may be good for a week or too and I end up making the same mistake which agitates him even more after I said I’ll fix it. He says I’m the only thing making him feel this amount stress in his life and I feel so bad. I can’t afford therapy right now. He’s getting tired of me more and more. I just can’t stop thinking he should be with someone more emotionally stable and intelligent. He does help and try to be a positive force in my life but I can imagine how draining it can be for someone constantly having to deal with someone with issues. It’s gotten to the point where the simple things I do are taken the wrong way. Anxiety is so hard. Ugh I can’t... I just want to crawl in a hole.
| 9 |
How to become a more agreeable person?
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My lovely boyfriend (30M) and I (24F) had a rocky start to our relationship due to things that have been mostly resolved now. I put myself into therapy throughout so that I could navigate my own emotions. The relationship is at around 17 months and I thought things were better than ever....apart from when we argue.
We have two very different communication styles from our respective childhood trauma. Mine is parents always fighting in the house and being passive and going to my room wouldn't stop the fighting, especially when they were angry at me, so I had to raise my voice too in order to be heard and stop things even though I hated the shouting.
His parents divorced when he was young and I don't know the details but he is very anxious and avoidant and hates confrontation. I know he keeps things bottled up and so I'm lead to believe that our relationship is strong and we are happy...until eventually something sets us off into a conflict.
Through years of therapy and various things that have happened in my life I'm very strong willed and opinionated, whereas he is very receding into himself and doesn't express when he is upset about something until it is too late and we are already in an emotional state. It might be the silliest of things, a disagreement about current affairs or a slight annoyance or something...but can lead to a long drawn out argument if we disagree badly. I'm also not usually angry at him, but passionate which comes across as a raised voice to him unfortunately, because of his past etc he can't cope with that.
As you can imagine when it's good it's good, when it's bad, these two sides of us clash completely. We have infrequent sex due to his nerves and anxieties (which is different to when we first got together everything was amazing) but the intimacy is still there, kissing, cuddling, spending quality time with each other so I sort of ignored our low sex drives until now.
But I'm worried it's becoming a problem even though we think we are happy we aren't addressing the underlying issues, and that he is happy to avoid the problems until further down the line. I want to go to couple's therapy and will bring this up at a good time for him. We've both been really busy and stressed, but it started to concern me when we went away on holiday and still weren't intimate.
I've taken a few opinions, namely my mother and therapist. My mother used a few choice words, namely "domineering" which stung a bit. Especially considering my parents are the reason why I am the way I am in arguements. Anyway I'm trying to take it on board and be less full on.
We don't want to stop debating, as it's what drew us together in the first place, ability to have good conversations with each other. But occasionally it's what leads to heightened emotions. We might agree on 90% of issues but will still fight about the 10%. I don't want us to be like this anymore.
I want to be a more agreeable, less domineering person. I don't think I'm a bad communicator, I listen and don't interrupt and after arguements I always go away and speak to my therapist about things to try to dissect what is going wrong. I know he doesn't want to analyse things or talk about what is going on in his head in the same way. It might just be my personality in the end but I don't want that to stop us from what is otherwise a loving relationship. Any tips?
| 4 |
How can I stop accusing my boyfriend of things he didn’t do?
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I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My boyfriend and I have been having troubles, I don’t know if it’s because of me or because of him, and we have a long discussion yesterday about all of our issues and seemed to have reached a good conclusion. There was something in the conversation where he gave me advice about how his ex would manage her anxiety and about how I could do the same. This morning I woke up, thought about that, and had a bad feeling in my gut that he was referring to a specific ex who abused him for many years and who him and all his friends say did a horrible job at managing her mental illness and treated everyone horribly because of it. I called him, asked if it was that ex, and it was. I said that I felt like he was comparing me negatively to his abusive ex and then we both realized together that he never did that and that he was just helping by sharing his experiences. He got very mad and said that he can never share his experiences without me getting upset and accusing him of things he didn’t do, which I guess is true. I don’t know how I can stop this because I always get that horrible feeling in me whenever he brings up exes or past women in his life but I do know that it’s normal for romantic partners to talk about things that have happened in their lives and both my boyfriend and I feel like I’m controlling what he can and can’t say and that I constantly make a big deal over small things like this. Does anyone have advice? I know that this is something that I will have to work on over a long period of time and that there’s no quick fix but I have no idea where to even start.
| 1 |
I’m having a hard time with work and need help…
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It’s not the job that’s daunting, I just started working for a fairly well known clothing retailer this week and there are a few things which are impeding my smooth transition into this role:
1. I have a really hard time waking up for early morning shifts (I was thinking of Uber as a solution to this but im open to suggestions )
2. My passport was supposed to arrive Saturday and it’s not here so I have no i9 docs and my deadline is end of day Tuesday.
Plz help?
| 2 |
overthinking issues. i think
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i don’t even know if you would consider this over thinking but i have this issue and it really puts a toll on me. at random moments through out the day i’ll get this memory of something that i did in the past that i truly regret. it cringes me the fuck out. it’s not always the same memory, it could be multiple ones from things i’ve done, things i’ve said, even secrets that i’ve told my ex 2 years ago that could RUIN the relationship i have with my family. it fucking drives me insane. i have severe anxiety as it is, and this shit just makes it 10 times worse. does anyone else suffer from this? if so, what do i do?
| 2 |
I’m looking to connect with other people on self-improvement
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I’m restarting my journey on self-improvement for the summer in regards to my money, fitness and overall mental wellbeing to develop into a more authentic and purposeful individual. I also want to make friends and meet new people to learn from them. Most people at my school are typically just invested in vaping and other activities which exercise acts of instant gratification so if anyone is interested they can dm me here or on discord (Cxrls#9117)
By the way, I’m 16 years old but don’t let that deter you from connecting with me :)
| 1 |
Networking /Looking for likeminded people
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What's up guys. I'm 18 years old, German and currently on self improvement. I'm working on building a online business and I'm also in a mentoring program. Besides that I do sports 6 times a week (boxing+gym). My goal is to become the strongest, most competent, richest and best version of myself. I want to achieve financial freedom as soon as possible and thats what I’m working on right now. If your goal Is the same or similar feel free to send me a
dm.
We already made a group with a couple of people who are also working on their businesses or already have some and where we are talking about anything self improvement related and maybe somebody wants to join
| 1 |
Public Journal To Fix My Life | Day 6 of 90
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Good evening, everyone! I hope you all had a great day. As always, here's a summary for new readers:
This journal is intended to keep me accountable on my journey of healing and self-improvement. I'm determined to climb out of a deep hole, and I believe this journal is a crucial step. I can't promise that reading this will be interesting or fun, but it will be real.
With that said, let's begin. Today was pretty normal. I didn't go anywhere, yet I feel I made good progress. I started the day as usual with meditation, then proceeded to start editing the pictures I took yesterday.
I ran into a little setback because the SD reader I bought didn't work with my PC, so I had to do the boring task of transferring over 200 pics to my phone and then to my PC. Anyways, I spent most of my morning editing, and I'm really happy with the results. I realized I haven't lost my skills; I just need to regain my confidence, and I intend to do that by practicing over and over.
After editing, I posted the pictures on Instagram, and I'll be honest, I felt discouraged because I didn't receive as many likes as I used to. But I quickly reminded myself that I create art for myself and shouldn't seek validation. If I like what I created, that should be enough. Searching for validation is toxic and will do me more harm than good.
After posting the pictures, I encouraged myself to create a blog about what happens during my photoshoots. I named it "Behind the Lens." I aim to write a blog post every time I go out to take pictures, narrating what the photoshoot was like, sharing curious facts about the monuments/statues/places I photograph, and maybe offering a tip or two. It keeps me creative and helps me expand my knowledge about the stuff I photograph.
After finishing the blog, I took a break and spent about three hours on social media. Then I realized how much time I had wasted and decided to study communication skills, a topic that has been of interest to me lately. I watched a couple of videos about the importance of asking great questions to have better relationships.
In one of the videos, I had an 'aha' moment. I realized that my social anxiety is from always trying to appear as the smartest person in the room because I thought that was the key to making people like me. In reality, the key to being liked is not for me to talk about myself, but to them to talk about themselves (if that makes any sense, lol).
This realization was a game-changer for me as an introvert. So when I heard my roommates having dinner, I went downstairs and engaged in a great conversation simply by asking questions. Throughout the dinner, I spoke no more than two sentences, yet everyone felt it was a fantastic conversation. For me, that's a huge win.
But not everything is perfect. I still need to practice a lot, especially my tone of voice, and I need to practice with strangers as well. Maybe I feel comfortable doing it with my roommates because I'm already familiar with them and feel safe around them.
Then I tried the same approach with another roommate whom I don't talk to much, and it felt awkward. I bet she noticed because it was unusual for me to start a conversation. My mind was filled with thoughts like "What if she thinks I want something from her?" "What if she doesn't want to talk?" "What if she misinterprets?" and so on. I ended up going straight to my room after the topic ended, and I felt a bit cringe. But hey, I guess it's part of the process. I'll keep doing it, and I'm sure it will become less and less awkward over time.
That's all for today. I'll now read a book and prepare myself for another week. See you all tomorrow!
| 13 |
Groped Friend 2 Years Ago, Long Journey
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Two years ago, I groped a friend. I’ve felt, from the moment after, that it was the worst thing I’ve ever done. From then on, I lied to my loved ones. After therapy, and others finding out, I’ve finally started being okay with myself and talking about it.
After it happened, I felt scared, and lied to my loved ones about my misdeeds- I underplayed the severity. Now, I am truthful and forward about it- how severe it was, how I felt about it, how I’m working to make up for the harm I’ve caused. Me and the victim have talked, and in some ways reconciled.
This, for the first time, I told someone new about what I had done almost immediately, no lies, and despite my fears they’ve decided to continue to associate and even be friends with me. I cannot describe how happy I am to be making strides forward.
There have been times in these couple years where I’ve considered and feared the worst. Felt horrible about myself and others, and shut myself off. It gets better, y’all. You can be better and your misdeeds don’t define who you can be. I believe in you!
| 10 |
Day 4 | Month 2 | Year 0
|
Hmmm
Improvement: Did some work
Goals for tomorrow: Finish 15% of all work by tomorrow
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :|
Post written at 12:36am
| 1 |
how to react to rumors
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I (21F) have realized there have been times in my life where I have believed rumors for various reasons, it was very rare but I still want to improve on this. So my question is, let’s say for example a friend tells me that a certain person is bad news, how should I react? What should I do? I’m having difficulty determining when I should listen or when I shouldn’t if this makes sense, and how to go about it in a mature way? Any help and insight is deeply appreciated, thanks all!
| 3 |
I want to orient myself to do the right things more consistently
|
I recently stumbled upon a quote that struck a chord within me and sparked some valuable introspection. It goes like this: "Success does not come to you because you want it. Success comes to you because you do the right things." It's by Sadh-guru, This statement made me pause and reflect on my own journey in my career, I wanted share this with you and know what you think of it.
I've had my fair share of ups and downs in trying to find my way. There were times when I was passionate about a new skill or endeavor, only to lose focus or give up prematurely. I'd find myself spreading my energy thin, not fully committing to the tasks at hand.
I feel Success is in no way an entitlement; it's an outcome of deliberate action. If we truly want to excel, we must be willing to channel our energy and focus into the things that works. Just because we desire the fruit on the tree, the fruit won't fall, we need to throw stone or pluck it, only then it falls. In the end it's about being intentional and purposeful in our pursuits.
Taking a moment to honestly evaluate where our efforts are lacking can be a game-changer. Recognizing our shortcomings empowers us to make necessary adjustments and prioritize our energy towards what truly matters.
Furthermore, I realized that success isn't just about the end result. It's about the journey, the process of doing the right things consistently. This means setting clear goals, developing effective strategies, and staying committed through both the highs and lows.
I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this matter. How do you ensure that you're doing the right things to achieve your goals? I often find myself exhaused to go on further, What do you do when this happens to you?"
| 105 |
I haven’t slept with my family in almost a year.
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The floods that hit East Ky almost a year ago has moved me and my family to campers. Right now as I hear my 5 year old snoring, my 3 year old talking to my wife, and the wife breathing heavy. I use to be in the middle of the that mess! They are what keep me going daily, and finally getting back in bed together again will make this all worth it! I will never meet any of you, but you matter to me! I love you!
| 11 |
What gets you out of bed?
|
I struggle to wake up in the mornings because I just really dread the day. But I am working on being better, step by step. What are your reasons for waking up in the morning and starting your day? Is there anything you really look forward to that gets you out of bed?
| 14 |
Deleted all my games
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Now I have much more time and can do more useful things like reading a book.
| 3 |
Social groups to replace partying
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What social groups are there that I (24M) could join to replace partying? I’m looking to meet successful, interesting and healthy people as well as good-looking, high value women to pursue a relationship with. I already go to the gym regularly but I’m looking to broaden my horizons. Examples that come to mind are CrossFit and jiu jitsu but I would like to hear what everyone here does.
| 2 |
I've reached a turning point
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To put it simply, I've had a rough last 6 months in a lot of ways. Really it's been up and down for years, with no true stability. The thing I haven't done is take control of my life and make the change happen. There are excuses/explanations why I haven't done so in the past, but that doesn't matter now. What matters is I'm going to start fresh and be the best me now. I've made multiple appointments for therapy and medication management and have a full treatment plan to get myself right. It's all coming together and I'm so grateful.
| 4 |
Physical activity
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Hey how do you get back into working out again and staying consistent at it? It's like I start then something happens I used to work out a lot too. Just where is the enthusiasm for it now days
| 1 |
"From Scrolling to Doing: How to Stop Procrastinating and Start Achieving"
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Are you tired of scrolling through social media endlessly without much to show for it? Do you find yourself consuming an endless amount of content, but struggling to take action and actually achieve your goals?
If so, you're not alone. In a world where we're constantly surrounded by distractions and pushed to keep up with the latest trends, it's easy to lose sight of what really matters and fall into the trap of mindless scrolling. But how can we break out of this cycle and start achieving more?
The answer lies in focusing on taking action, rather than just consuming content. It's time to shift our mindset from passive consumption to active creation. Instead of scrolling through social media feeds for hours on end, let's make a conscious effort to put down our phones and take action towards our goals.
Here are some practical steps you can take to stop scrolling and start doing:
1. Identify your goals. What do you want to achieve? What are your short-term and long-term goals? Write them down and make them as specific and measurable as possible.
2. Create an action plan. Break your goals down into achievable steps and create an action plan. Set deadlines for each step and hold yourself accountable.
3. Set boundaries. Limit your social media usage by setting specific times of the day to check your phone and setting a maximum time limit.
4. Focus on taking action. Instead of spending hours consuming content, focus on taking action towards your goals. Even small steps can make a big difference in the long run.
5. Celebrate your progress. Take time to celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small. Recognize that every step you take brings you one step closer to your goals.
And if you're looking for some visual inspiration, check out my latest YouTube video on "Stop Scrolling, Start Doing"
https://youtu.be/wpGaQ-kFkU0
In this video, I share some additional tips and motivation for breaking out of the scrolling cycle and achieving more. Let's stop consuming content and start creating our own path towards success.
| 2 |
I'm a walking contradiction
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It seems strange to me sometimes that we give ourselves labels and tell ourselves stories about our personalities, like we’ve got a good idea of what we’re like to be around us. I think we’re far more mouldable than we realise and context or company is often the main thing that makes us appear as we do – maybe that’s just me. These are some of the traits I think I exhibit, depending on the situation, and I wonder how many people see similar inconsistency in their self-image.
I’m grateful and selfish. I’m thoughtful and careless. I’m active and complacent. I’m wise and naïve. I’m smart and ignorant. I’m accepting and controlling. I’m forgiving and judgemental. I’m secretive and convoluted. I’m fast thinking and slow thinking. I’m content and hungry. I’m confident and doubtful. I’m self-centred and altruistic. I’m thorough and neglectful. I’m driven and lazy. I’m secluded and sociable. I’m quiet and argumentative. I’m peaceful and forceful. I’m calculated and intuitive. I’m open and sure. I’m individualistic and communal. I’m moral and indifferent. I’m idealistic and realistic. I’m soft and stern. I’m candid and ungenuine. I’m mellow and intense. I overthink and underthink. I’m in awe and unsatisfied. I’m adaptable and rigid. I’m consistent and chaotic. I’m organised and messy. I’m tired and energised. I’m careful and clumsy. I’m fair and cruel. I’m interested and bored. I’m funny and boring. I’m peaceful and stirred. I’m optimistic and hopeless. I’m experimental and reserved. I’m prudent and potty mouthed. I’m liberal and constraining. I’m alternative and traditional. I’m creative and unskilled. I’m eager and patient. I’m calm and impatient. I’m competitive and disinterested. I’m precise and vague. I’m articulate and incoherent. I’m earnest and casual. I’m extraordinary and mundane. I’m candid and quiet.
| 7 |
Wait there are others like me?
|
Ya'll hold on is this a subreddit for people who want to see the world be a nice place and work to achieve it?
| 1 |
I'm trying to fix some of my flaws. I need help, advice, and support.
|
18 year old male here
I'm mostly a nice guy. There are people who love me and appreciate me. Even more than I do myself.
Like everyone else, I have made mistakes, I have got some bad habits, etc.
I have done many things that I will always regret and feel guilty about. I have been a person who gets depressed, has a harder time breathing, has pains in the head and chest, and hates myself for it.
I do and say things I regret immediately after...
It seems like I have trust issues and insecurities. I have done some testing behaviors with friends and that didn't end well. I wanted love/validation, but all I got was isolation and condemnation from them. I don't totally blame them. I do blame me for letting my thoughts and demons take over. I was controlling my urge to test people for like four years now, but this year I relapsed on that and went hard to say the least.
I would just act like someone else and ask them questions about me like "what do you think about ___?" The reason I very rarely ask directly is because I don't really trust their answer and usually people are more open about someone when they aren't in front of that someone. That's all. I don't mean to hurt anyone. It's more of a confirmation.
I just want to see and know how people truly feel about me. I don't want more fake friends and a repeat of my past. I know I can't see what they are thinking but I would like to get as close as possible. I don't care what people do, but I don't want to waste my time with fake snakes and I don't want to get hurt.
I wasn't even that weird of a kid, but I was bullied for two years. I was used and abused by my so called friends during that time and I think that plays a role in how I feel about people. That role has definitely reduced from being more of a main part to more of a Lowkey side extra part.
I also have such an amazing memory that it is hard for me to forget my past and let go because of that elephant brain I have. I think I still have trauma from years ago that I need to and should really let go but I don't know how.
How should I let go of the past?
I'm taking a break from some social media apps or at least reducing my time on them. This seems to be working. I'm also taking a college class this summer and I'm going to university this fall. I hope that will help distract me from my life's darker side.
I will still always be careful with choosing friends even when I'm there. In fact I might be even more careful.
In some ways I'm really proud of myself for trying to fix myself, but I'm also very ashamed and embarrassed about it. Maybe that is the slight part of perfectionist in me?
I sometimes wonder why was I born and what is my purpose. Although I've had some thoughts, I'm not suicidal. I'm scared of suicide and death in general. I'm just curious and I feel worse than others at certain times.
I don't want to disappoint my loved ones. Especially my parents because I think they have done and sacrificed too much for me. I would just be mean and evil to end it all or not try to succeed and live recklessly.
Am I a bad person? What should I do? What would you do if you were in my shoes?
I'm on another AM guilt trip.
| 1 |
Don’t have a TV
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When I moved I didn’t have a TV as I was still organizing my stay. However during my time without a TV I noticed something about my productivity.
By not having a TV it forced me to get bored and less distracted which in turn made me spend more time in productive things like reading, working out, and looking up how to start my own business. Because of this I’ve decided to go without having a TV.
| 3 |
My Struggle With Self-Doubt and Other Demons
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As of right now I feel proud of myself for how proud I've come and how I'm consistently working every day towards my goals. But I'm still struggling with one thing which is mainly the feeling of being unworthy. I feel like this is due to my past and how I've tried to manage issues from my past. I feel that I've handled it in a similar way to cleaning up your room and throwing all the dirty clothes in the closet and it's gotten to the point where even a simple comment about these demons or these things in the past really hurt. The negative intrusive thoughts pour in and I begin to start thinking that maybe I'm just not good enough or that maybe I'm too weak or too sensitive and these things derail my whole day and I'm constantly in the fight with them. I also feel isolated as I don't really feel like I can express myself genuinely, even to family or close friends as I don't really feel like they have the mindset or goals that I do and I'm not sure if they can relate to the struggles I have. So mainly I'm just wondering how I can properly address my past and come to terms with my insecurities which are derived from them so I won't have these vulnerabilities in the future
TLDR: How do I face my past demons and prevent them from consuming me?
| 4 |
Assertive//Confrontational
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(31m) All my life I’ve leaned towards being sort of agreeable, laid back, non-confrontational. I think it was innate in my personality/upbringing. However In my older age, I’ve found myself in a managerial position at a gym. Part of my job is enforcing policies, not only to my staff, but members who enter the club. It feels like, at this day-in-age especially, degeneracy and disrespect run rampant in modern society. Particularly in young folk.
I’ve found myself confronting disrespectful behavior more and more. The only thing stopping me before was fear of a fight; maybe fear that things will escalate and an individual will call on friends to help retaliate violently—maybe throw a weapon in the mix.
I guess my question is: Is this fear of someone retaliating with violence an irrational one? The internet skews our perception, leaving us thinking violence is more common than it might ACTUALLY be?
What are everyone’s thoughts on the subject? Do you guys take shit from people?
| 1 |
How can I (24f) figure out how I keep hurting my boyfriend (26m) so that I can stop my behavior?
|
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. Over the last two weeks he’s been telling me that I’ve been being verbally abusive. What is worrying me is that I don’t even know what I’m saying that could hurt him, like it’s just so natural to me that I don’t even recognize what I’m saying is wrong. Today I asked him what specifically I’ve said that is verbally abusive so that I can change how I talk to him but he told me that he had forgotten what I have said but that it made him sad and hurt him a lot. All of his exes have also been abusive to him so I feel so bad for repeating the behavior of them. Is there a way that I can recognize my behavior in the future? I feel so lost and heartbroken that I could do this to someone.
TL;DR: I have been hurting my boyfriend with the things I’ve been saying and don’t even realize that I’ve been doing it.
Update: Had a conversation on the phone with him. I asked him what he though of me as a person. He said he didn’t need to tell me and that I should already know and it sparked a big fight. He kept saying that I’m stressing him out when I ask him those things and that when he gets a job he won’t be able to be there for me 24/7 anymore. Earlier in the summer I suggested that we see each other more often since before he told me that he only wants to see me twice a week, which I suggested because we both have more free time now. Today he was saying that it’s stressing him out that we would need to see each other three days a week (we still only see each other once or twice, something three times) and that he can’t keep up with that and keep playing doctor while he tries to solve my problems. I’m confused because I don’t think I have very many problems but maybe I’m just very unaware of what’s going on around me. I suggested we take a break for a little bit so that I can take the pressure off him and he got upset and said that that won’t solve any of that. I recently got back on my antidepressants after not being on them for a while and brought up that if we take a break that once we get back the meds would be working better by that time. He said that if we do that then he would expect me to be a different person and if I’m not a different person and am still the same then he wouldn’t want me to feel bad if he is disappointed over it. I asked if he wanted me to be a different person and he got really upset and said that I need to stop asking questions like that. I feel like all I’m doing is existing yet I’m passively just doing everything wrong without even realizing. I feel completely lost on how to get better. I keep holding onto the idea that once my meds start working again that I will feel better, and I’m already feeling a lot better, yet I’m still messing everything up. He was also blaming me because he had to yell at me over the phone the other day and everyone around him got concerned and it was my fault that they had to hear the bad stuff about our relationship.
Update 2: Thank you for all of the support. I did not expect to get this kind of reaction at all. So many of you have given me such thoughtful and insightful advice. I know I haven’t been able to respond to every comment but I have read each and every comment and wish I knew how to express how grateful I am for them. I had a long discussion with him over the phone today. We talked for almost three hours. There wasn’t any yelling and I think it was overall very productive. There were some things about me wanting to see him more and him not thinking he would be able to because I need to plan things in advance because I have a disability I need to work around while he prefers to be spontaneous and I think that the stuff he brought up was quite frankly bullshit, but many other things I brought up went very well. I do want to make another update and mention some of the things we talked about and how it went but I think I just need a moment to breathe first before I’m able to do that. I don’t think that I’m being abusive anymore. I really don’t know what to think about certain things because I know I’m not the best at wording things sometimes and I know that as a result I’ve hurt him without realizing. I try to be calm and objective about things when I talk to him but I know that sometimes what I think is a good thing to say isn’t always great. I do think that he is showing signs of abusive behavior though. He still thinks I’m verbally abusive and said that he has a habit of trying for forget memories if they remind him too much of his exes. I don’t know what to take of that because I did push a bit and he couldn’t name one thing I did that was abusive because he said he purposely forgot about them. We’ve decided that it would be good for me to have some space for now and that if I decide we need to take a break for a bit then that will be okay. I need to spend time reflecting on everything. As I said before, I’ll make another update about our conversation later but I think things just need to settle for now.
Update 3: He told me that he no longer thinks that I was being abusive. I’m not going to push and ask why he thought I was or ask what made him change his mind because I think emotions are high right now and we just need to breathe before we come back to this. Also this is kinda lame and cheesy but I recently watched the 90’s proshot of the musical Into The Woods with the original cast and there was something that happened in it that I keep thinking about. There’s a giant that is going to kill them but the characters have some reflection and realize that the giant is probably good and that everything she is doing is reasonable, but they end up deciding that they need to kill her anyway. Even though she’s probably good. I think if everything about my boyfriend was bad that it would be so easy to end this relationship, but I think he is genuinely a good person that has done a lot of good to me. But I keep reflecting back to that musical and think that even though he’s not bad I might still have to end this relationship.
| 215 |
Public Journal To Fix My Life | Day 5 of 90
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Good morning! I hope you're all doing great. As always, here's a summary for new readers:
​
This journal is intended to keep me accountable on my journey of healing and self-improvement. I'm determined to climb out of a deep hole, and I believe this journal is a crucial step. I can't promise that reading this will be interesting or fun, but it will be real.
​
With that said, let's begin. Yesterday was a really good day. I started the day early and did my usual 10-minute meditation, but I ended up falling asleep halfway through and woke up again at 10 am. I guess that's the price I pay for not going to bed early. But it's alright; I don't want to be too hard on myself and force myself to wake up early when I don't have the energy to do so.
​
After waking up (again), I started watching the FA cup final, but after seeing United concede a goal after 10 seconds, I just turned it off. Lol. Then I began researching great spots in my city to take pictures on Pinterest. I easily found 10-15 places where I want to go to take pics. While doing that, my mood dropped badly.
​
Anxiety and imposter syndrome started to kick in, and I began thinking about all the things I need to do, to improve as an artist and make a living out of it. I felt overwhelmed and thought that there was too much to do and not so much time. Fortunately, I use this app called "How We Feel" to track my mood and write down how I feel, which calmed me down.
​
I came to the conclusion, I haven't learned to be patient. I want everything to happen now, and I haven't learned to enjoy the journey and the process. I feel like I always postpone my happiness. I needed to remind myself that I'm young and that it's okay if I don't achieve immediate success. This realization calmed me down and prevented me from giving up on the progress I'm making.
​
Like my therapist said, "Progress is made with baby steps, not giant steps" (or something like that, I don't remember exactly).
​
After that, I took a bath, cooked a nice meal, and prepared myself to go out and take pictures. First, I went to the World Trade Center to capture some shots of a beautiful statue that's there. The pictures turned out great, although I haven't edited them yet.
​
Then, I challenged myself to go to a lookout point to capture the entire city. Why was it a challenge, you may ask? Well, that lookout is on a mountain, and I had to climb a ton of stairs, and honestly, my physical fitness isn't that great.
​
It took me around 30 minutes to reach the top, and I was exhausted. My legs were dead, and it was windy and cold. But it was worth it! The view was astonishing, and I felt a great sense of accomplishment for completing that challenge. I reached the top at 6:30 pm, and the sunset was at 8:37 pm, so I decided to wait and take pictures during sunset for better lighting.
​
While waiting, I took a moment to relax and just admire the view. It was a great and peaceful experience, being present in the moment and enjoying it. Once the sun set, I took the pictures, which turned out great, and then I left. I was exhausted but in a wonderful state of mind.
​
Finally, I returned home, took a warm bath, had dinner, smoked a joint, and had a really good sleep to end the day. Because I didn't let my emotions dictate my actions and because I returned to doing what I love, I consider yesterday a big win. Today, I'll edit the pictures, watch a football match, and maybe go out again in the evening to take more pictures. See you later, and I hope everyone has a peaceful and enjoyable day.
| 14 |
i'm doing what i always wanted.
|
this feels absolutely unreal to say, but i've applied to temple university, which houses a campus located in tokyo, japan.
if all goes well, i'll be living and studying there by 2024, acquiring a major in tourism and hospitality management.
| 8 |
Should I apologize to my friend after the fight and revive things or should I let it go ?
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Let me apologize first since this is going to be a long story. Cut to a year back, I was dating this guy from our friend's group. I had to keep this thing a secret from the entire friend's group because he said so (I know, dumb move on my part). Gradually, I started realizing how he was always busy and blamed me for every bad thing happening in his life. He stopped taking my calls and I was so worried that I had to confide to my best friend and her boyfriend to contact him. Both of them supported me a lot during the entire time and helped me a lot after the breakup as well. Things started getting normal for me. They introduced me to one of their friends who apparently developed feelings for me. We became close friends and genuinely, I liked talking to him for hours. We started dating long-distance since he had to move to another place for work. The relationship did not last long because we could not communicate properly. I was devastated and even then my best friend tried her best to fix things between us and she supported me. He was too adamant to say that he does not want to see me or talk to me ever again. At this point, I started feeling like I am a burden to her because I am putting her through a lot. Plus, I have been neglecting my career a lot so I decided to stop hanging out with my best friend and our other friends every day and focus on my studies and work. I attended a few parties and dinner sessions and that somewhat made her feel betrayed. We had a lot of argument posts regarding my abandoning her. She did not like that I was distancing myself and it might make me more sad. I started hanging out with them again but she was not happy about the fact that I was talking to other people in the group as well. She wanted my full attention. That somewhat made me distant from her again. Every time I hung out with the group, people were making comments about my past and how I always get close to guys around me. I could notice a pattern here so I confronted my best friend. She was super rude to me and started telling me how I always give my attention to guys and ignore her (definitely not the case, I had been taking my downtime to deal with things at home). Recently, I was invited to a birthday party and she kept on asking me to come. It was my dad's death anniversary that week so I was not in the mood to enjoy but still due to her continuous persistence, I went to the party. Her friend was there as well and I was not aware of it. That night, I went back home and told her how it made me uncomfortable to see him suddenly at the party after 3 months. She told me that he is okay being around me now. I told her that at least she could have given me a heads-up that he is coming. She called me and started yelling at me, how I always react to things and that is why my ex broke up with me and she and her boyfriend told me over the call that I have some mental problem which is why I always seek attention from guys and I do not like being single. I am sure I have some problems myself but this seemed very toxic that she had been gossiping about my past with other people in the group. Do you think I should apologize and try to revive the friendship again?
| 7 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 11 of 180 Self improvement plan
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Yesterday night, compressor of my AC got wasted. I couldn't sleep at all. Woke up around 10. Was sleepy till the afternoon.
Anyways, completed 3 modules of the Google Digital Marketing certification. But, didn't pass the exam of the last module.
Went to the gym, to have a shower. But, my bad. There was some short circuit.
Completed 2nd LinkedIn article about creator's economy. Studied for a bit.
Anyways, i did manage to stay focused despite all ods. That's incredible.
On track on my plan.
| 3 |
Finally decided to focus on myself and leave the girl i love who isn't even interested in me
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M 25 and finally decided that I will never fall in love again until I see it's worth having..
From last year I was not in a good state ..there was a girl in my life whom I started liking ..
I cared for her , there was love from my side .. but she always kept me as you are just a friend and only showed interest in my when she needed some help only .
It is really hard that when you love someone and that person doesn't love you back .... We worked in same office .. right now I left that office and we talked on phone sometimes but lately i see that she didn't even replying to me Snapchat streak ..
We both had same aim we want to move out to other country in America ... She told me back in days if we went there we will definitely meet ..
That's why I kept some interaction with her on the phone and social media .. but right now i think it's not appropriate ..and my feelings for her is true and still she doesn't want to show interest in my ..
I FINALLY DECIDED that i will not be with her .. i don't think she will ever contact me again ..but if she does i will ignore her how she ignores me
I want to stand on my own MY SELF RESPECT is bigger than my feelings for her ..
I Will live for myself and will do better for myself ..
I Will only make myself happy.. I WILL NOT CARE FOR HER ..
AND I WILL FULLFILL MY DREAMS . I WILL NEVER THINK ABOUT HER ..!!
| 20 |
I'm 22 years old and I have no idea what to do in my life.
|
I never had a job, I want to start something, but I don't know where to start.
| 2 |
Self-improvement or educational apps to replace Reddit?
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I'm spending more time than I want on here mindlessly scrolling. Any recommendations on apps I could be using that feature more educational or life skill content? I've looked into Headway but am not sure if that's the right fit for me.
I would love an app that just teaches you about something new each day. I love the random content I find on here and the deep dives that result in me learning about random topics outside of my normal scope! Ex: Today you learn about the Halifax disaster, tomorrow how to tie the best rope, the next day how to improve communication skills, etc.
Is there a product out there like this?
| 3 |
Trying to overcome Depression
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I have been "stuck" for almost 2 years. I am very heavy and qualified for bariatric surgery. I was excited until I was laid off due to covid and lost my health insurance. Now I have health insurance again but cannot afford the out of pocket expenses for surgery. I had given up. After seeing my doctor this week I decided I do not want these health issues anymore. I signed up for Weight watchers today. I found some chair serobic exercises I can start doing for free. I planned abd meal prepped food for the week so I won't be tempted to buy fast food. I see her again in 3 months and hope to weigh less than I did this week. I struggle a lot with anxiety and depression. I'm hoping this time I won't give up on myself.
| 50 |
Day 3 | Month 2 | Year 0
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I can’t motivate myself to start
Improvement: Went for a facial appointment
Goals for tomorrow: God damn start doing my work
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :(
Post written at 12:43am
| 2 |
Why do some poeple "Have to much love to give"?
|
Ive come to the recent conclusion that i am one of these kinds of people. And it was cathartic to admit it to myself. But ive been trying to do more research on it and figure out if it has any link to childhood trauma. Most of what ive search does not seem to show any conversation about this at all. So i will ask it myself here: Is it nature or nurture?
Like are some people just born with this capaticty to have more love than the know what to do with.
Or is it something that happens to certain people who go through very specific circumstances in childhood?
| 1 |
How do I become more confident and improve my English conversation skills in a short amount of time for work
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Context: I have a job opportunity to go to UK any time within this year, I don't have much time left since I am unaware when I'll be contacted. I think my reading and writing grammar is average and I think my speaking is fine but when I lose my confidence, my speaking becomes slurred and I stutter and mess up anything I say and my speaking reverts back to middle school level. I'd really appreciate some advice for this. Thank you.
| 3 |
Motivating myself to workout when gains are lost so quick.
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Quick background: I used to compete in wrestling high school through college, was pretty fit and healthy.
Got injured, graduated, got a full-time job that takes a lot of my time and effort... And haven't really worked out for at least 3-4 years despite my injury being fully healed ages ago.
I just find it really hard to motivate myself or have the discipline that I used to because all the strength and endurance I had was gone in a flash.
Just 2-3 months of resting and I couldn't even run or cycle anywhere near as close to what I could. It wasn't even because of the injury, my cardio levels just dropped like a rock in that short time. The progress that took me 9-12 months of painstaking work I'd have to redo all over again.
I guess I'm just really frustrated by how quickly all this work disappears.
| 1 |
Toxic parents need advice
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I normally don’t ask stuff on Reddit but I need a place to vent. I had a rocky relationship with my parents since last year, there is reasons why I don’t talk to them or see them often. But this time they really hurt me. I told them two months in advance when my university graduation date is and they said they would come but the day before my mom just made an excuse and said she is busy and can’t come and then day of the graduation my dad who called while I was literally putting my gown on called and said he can’t come because it’s too much waiting. I felt hurt. And on top of that my grandmother who wanted to come was calling me an hour before said she is coming but can’t get ahold of my dad and can’t come if he is not picking her up and of course he didn’t pick her up and she didn’t come. My parents live 5 min away from the university. They are so shitty. I felt like what parent doesn’t celebrate their kids accomplishment of nursing school? As well thee are the parents that told me to drop out of nursing school during covid and I didn’t and still finished it. I always never liked my mom also because when she calls us to help her with her homework for school taht she is going through at the moment and never ask about me so she can get through her shit. I just need advice that it’s not wrong to just cut these parents out right?
| 7 |
How to overcome 2020?
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2020 brought a lot of changes in my life when i was 12 years old, i lost my beloved grandfather , my aunt and my father got sick seriously by heart disease. After all these i started to loose my true self and as my online classes were going on at that time, i began to watch po\*n,social media,youtube , and as before i didn't even touch mobile or pc or tv. So watching all these things impacted my life very much, and this thing is still with me till now 2020 is over,2021,2022, schools are open, parents are forcing me and expecting me to get very good grades, i saw many many self improvement videos on youtube like: hamza,1st man, improvement pill etc. and i even tried to do nofap and dopamine detox but after 1 or 2 months i fall into this dirty cycle of \[wake up-instagram-reddit-youtube-porn-sleep\] for days and days and i have degraded physically doing no exercise. But today i am deciding to be better,I realise that i am still young and can do many things in life. So i am asking you all to observe my situation and help me to become a man who works for goals, have good physicality,good grades, good social life and is rich. please Can you guys tell me the ways to become the man i want to become?
thank you
| 1 |
Drinking alcohol everyday a habit or problem?
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I have been drinking a couple beers mostly everyday for a bit now. I’m 23(m). Last night I had 4 drinks and smoked a lot of weed when I got home from work and I found myself just doing nothing and rotting away. I was too tired to pack or go to my family’s house for dinner and just feel like a piece of shit. I’m going to try to take some time off but was wondering if anyone could shed some insight on drinking the right way lol. I just want to live my life and do the things I like but I feel like when I start really drinking I just go ham on everything like smoking and nicotine.
| 38 |
Deciding to be better
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Recently I've fallen into a bad cycle. A lot of psychiatrist hospitalisations, postponing my graduation, feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, suicidal thoughts, no hobby and no will to do anything really. I've decided I'll pick up yoga to start get comfortable, I'll graduate and find a good job, I found a private psychiatrist to manage my medication better, I'll cut smoking. I've just started my journey and will update you guys in a couple of months
| 12 |
Looking for connection (This is a re-post from another sub, I'm sharing it here to hopefully get more traction)
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I'm 23M and I've recently moved to Brooklyn in the last few months. I just accepted a new job offer that starts in the fall, I have a roommate and something of a friend group here. But that's the issue. I don't feel close to them, or that I can be myself around them, at all.
I've always struggled with loneliness — feeling misunderstood, being too reserved, not sure why others seemingly make connections while I'm left wondering what I've done wrong. This isn't to say I've never had friends whatsoever. I have. I've even been in a few romantic relationships. But for the last year since graduating college, I started to wonder if there was only a simple path down, then down some more.
I want real connection. Friendships, a relationship. I feel like being in this city could be my opportunity to make a turn, to surprise myself. I'm joining a workshop group this summer which could be a chance to see new faces, especially considering most of these people will likely be sharing my interests and working in my field.
But the loneliness, and emptiness — any advice on how to manage this? Or even better, to work through it? If you've made it this far, you can even PM me, as it would be a more personable way to discuss this and I would appreciate that.
| 2 |
How can I stop my feelings of jealousy?
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Yeah.
I get jealous of people way too easily. When I notice someone doing better than me. When I make a dumb mistake and someone else learns from it to do what I should've done.
Stuff like that.
I realize that it's wrong, but I just can't help but feel angry everytime this happens.
I'm scared that I'll do something stupid one day because of this.
I just want it to stop. Please help.
| 6 |
Public Journal To Fix My Life | Day 4 of 90
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Hello, everyone! As always, here's a summary for new readers:
This journal is intended to keep me accountable on my journey of healing and self-improvement. I'm determined to climb out of a deep hole, and I believe this journal is a crucial step. I can't promise that reading this will be interesting or fun, but it will be real.
With that said, let's begin. Today was awesome! I woke up early and, as usual, refrained from using my phone for the first hour.
Then, I went to the interview, which was quite far (1 hour and 5 minutes away). When I arrived, I was a bit confused because I couldn't find the elevator. However, one of the perks of arriving early is that you can allow yourself to get lost without worry. I spent around 10-15 minutes looking for the right office and still made it on time.
The interviewer was a friendly lady who put me at ease and boosted my confidence. I also applied the communication tips I learned yesterday, such as delaying my smile, maintaining great posture, and making direct eye contact.
I spoke calmly and confidently, and I showed her my work, which she really liked. She expressed excitement about the possibility of me joining their team. Everything happened very quickly, and in just 15 minutes, everything was set. She told me that the company is interested in having me and that I should return in a couple of weeks to discuss the details further.
I was REALLY happy and excited. I couldn't believe that my first-ever interview went that well. It suddenly sparked a feeling of hope within me because securing an internship (which is a graduation requirement for me) is a big step. Of course, my next goal is to do an outstanding job during the 2-month internship and hopefully secure a job afterward.
That was basically the first half of the day. Afterward, in the afternoon, I went to buy some snacks and challenged myself to apply for a part-time job at a supermarket (since the internship is unpaid, I still need to work part-time, at least). I entered a supermarket and asked an employee if they had any job openings in the store. Sadly, I noticed some attitude from the employees, but I still filled out the form. I guess they were just tired, so maybe it was nothing personal.
Anyway, after returning home, I had my weekly meeting with my therapist. I told him about the changes I've been implementing in my life, and he was really happy and told me I'm doing great. We discussed control, emotions, habits, and self-regulation. I realized that I don't have (yet) any self-regulation or control with certain things, so I'm forced to take drastic measures to control myself in certain activities (for example, I had to give away my Steam account to a friend and asked him to change the login credentials because it was the ONLY way I could find to stop wasting my entire day playing video games. I'm not capable yet of setting limits myself and sticking to them). I'll definitely work on that because ideally, I should take the promises I make to myself very seriously, which I usually don't.
That was basically today's journal entry. Tomorrow, I'll be going out in the afternoon to take pictures and I can't wait to share the experience with all of you. My aim is to go once a week to take pictures, firstly to explore the city I'm in and also to put my skills to work again and get back to my previous level.
Thank you all for reading, and I wish you guys the absolute best. See you tomorrow!
| 36 |
I am generally not well liked by most people around me. How do I be better?
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I'll start off by acknowledging that I have difficulties in my social interactions. From moments of awkwardness to occasional bouts of overexcitement or inadvertently being obnoxious with my humor, I recognize that I have areas for improvement. Anxiety often grips me when I speak, leading me to sometimes fumble my words.
I believe my upbringing has played a significant role in this. My parents raised me within quite a restrictive environment, and I feel this might have hindered my social development. I didn't have many opportunities to cultivate friendships, and consequently, my social circle is quite limited. I do have a supportive girlfriend and a small group of friends, who I cherish.
Despite my efforts to expand my circle, forging new friendships has been a challenge. While some attempts have been moderately successful, these relationships rarely progress beyond a superficial level. More concerning is the fact that many people I've tried to connect with have distanced themselves, going as far as blocking or removing me on social media. I've been racking my brain trying to understand what I might have done wrong. As far as I know, I've not behaved inappropriately or crossed any boundaries.
I'm uncertain if my physical appearance has played a part in this situation. I consider myself to be reasonably decent looking, but I know social dynamics often go far beyond superficial appearances.
A significant hurdle for me is relating to common topics of conversation or engaging in captivating discussions that suit my age group. I often find myself at a loss, unsure of how to contribute meaningfully.
I'm open to and grateful for any advice or insight into how I can improve my social interactions and form more meaningful connections.
| 9 |
I feel uncomfortable in my own body
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So last year I had somatic delusions, and I felt my body deformed. now with medicine it's all good. In fine. The only problem is that I feel extremely uncomfortable in my own body, I have suicidal thoughts for this. I tried yoga only for two days and I feel like it could be what can help me
| 16 |
What an authentic person looks like
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Finding an authentic person is comforting and inspires us to follow their example.
Some of their traits may be visible to the naked eye and I wanted to share them with you.
Authentic people don't worry all the time about what others think of them.Whether it's at work, in a friendship or in life in general, dealing with them can teach you to assert yourself and be true to yourself.
Some of their characteristics:
\*They respect everyone.
\*The value they place on others is not based on their power or social recognition.
\*All people are valuable to them.
\*They admire others and also praise them.
\*They openly express their opinion.
\*They are kind and helpful most of the time, not just when they need others.
\*They do not show off.
\*They prefer to be humble and show the simplest part of themselves.
\*They don't try to get people to like them.Authentic people strive to deliver what they promise.
\*They do not seek attention.
\*Authentic people can admit their flaws.
I would like to know if you agree with these characteristics and if you identify with them or some of them.
What other traits do you think can help us be more authentic?
| 294 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 10 of 180 self improvement plan
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Started my day teaching chemistry to kids. Read the paper, afterthat.
Went to the salon to trim my beard. Picked mumma from the station.
Then jumped to creating copies, first for a restaurant then for a real estate hoarding. Started the Google certification course 3 in the afternoon was way behind my schedule. Fortunately, Today I learned about email marketing and how to create email copies. Easily covered the modules.
Had a power nap in the afternoon. Then, wrote a article for LinkedIn about self belief.
One of my friend, studying BHMS. Sai, called me. Went to hangout with him.
Unfortunately, due to that, couldn't self study. I don't regret it. Bcuz, i meet Sai only couple of times in a year.
Today I feel productive.
On track on my plan.
| 3 |
It’s all about perspective
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I’ve been on a slow, mental journey toward healing myself. One of the most important tools I have in healing is the ability to change my perspective on my situation. To that end, I will share two ideas that have helped me recently.
1) Beware defining yourself as a “survivor.” Whether you see yourself as a victim or a survivor of trauma, both options define you relative to a traumatic experience. To be free of the trauma and it’s impact on you, stop defining yourself in relation to it.
2) You have the ability control your response to every experience you have, and if you want a good life, you must make a conscious decision to have a positive response, no matter how bleak your situation.
If you need inspiration, motivation, or just something your heart can hold onto when you feel you have no agency, listen to Bruce Bryan. He was falsely imprisoned for 30 years and is now free. His perspective on his experience is truly inspirational. Link in the comments.
| 4 |
Idiot many years ago - Am I redeemable or should I shun myself?
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I will try and keep this concise. Over a decade ago, I was a young, immature, and overall an idiot. Long story short, in 2011, I was a 23 year old man that had a strong group of friends consisting of both men and women and we all liked to party and have fun. I treated everyone the same and our friend group, the men and the women, as I grew up with a ton of sisters and we all liked to tease each other and have a good time. One evening, at a bar, back on 2011, I slapped one of those girlfriends on the butt. She got upset, I felt like shit, and we basically avoided each other at all costs. TBF, she stated why she was upset and I basically told her that she was being irrational. At the time, I used to do that to men and women as I played sports and viewed the girl as friend, that frankly I had no sexual interest in but treated as one of the guys. I realize now, that it was a dumb habit, but at the time, I viewed it as banter among friends.
Fast forward to 2023, and the whole world is different, societal norms have changed and we have all gotten older and more mature. Well, turns out that the one friend views me as a jerk and ass because I smacked her on the butt and refuses to come to the reunion of all of us if I am present. I basically have decided to just not show and ruin the time for anyone else. Is there anyway to try and apologize for the action from 12 years ago? Or am I just an idiot that needs to accept the fact that I messed up?
| 1 |
Day 2 | Month 2 | Year 0
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Not good day. Had to take care of my grandmother and she kept picking the worst possible time to want and go to the toilet (even though she already shat in her diaper and just waited for everyone to leave before wanting to go to the toilet)
Improvement: None
Goals: Try harder
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :(
Post written at 12:34am
| 2 |
Really struggling to be better after getting cheated on. Advice?
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My relationship ended when I 26F, discovered my ex 33F had been having an affair with her ex wife for 2 months. It was brutal, and she ended up telling me she was no longer in love with me & her feelings for her ex were more than what she felt for me. To rub it in more, she had continued to lie to my face during these 2 months and still encouraged me to sell my house to relocate to be with her, saying I was her soulmate, etc. All the while she only came clean because I caught her during a phone call. After she admitted she was going to let me sell my home and move because she was going to “go along with the plan” whatever that means.
I was madly in love with her, I’ve never loved anyone like that before. I was so excited I had found my person. It’s been almost 2 months now and I spend hours a day trying to decipher what I did wrong, what I missed, what was a lie & wasnt, what moment she fell out of love with me, etc. My brain just won’t stop. I’ve never been cheated on, and I want to use this experience to be better, not bitter.
Anyone who’s been through this have any advice or any perspectives that can help my healing? Some days I feel great about it, and others such as tonight, the loneliness and missing her is insane.
EDIT: I am literally blown away by how sweet each and every one of you are. Thank you all so much for the time you took with these responses, they were so kind hearted and helpful. 💜
| 16 |
Should I delete Reddit?
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Reddit, along with YouTube are some of my biggest distractions. But I find that Reddit poses an even harder challenge for me. I tend to spend excessive amounts of time either reading numerous posts, or endlessly scrolling through a new subreddit after sorting it by the most popular posts. This sometimes goes on for hours. I remember one day I woke up and I opened reddit, kept scrolling for hours, and before I knew it, it was 1pm. Obviously that isn't healthy for me at all. Some people have said that instead of completely deleting Reddit, I should onlu go to subreddits that provide helpful content, such as this one. But I believe If I did that I would inevitably go into another long scrolling session.
| 84 |
Med student wanting to go into tech. 26 am I too old?
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Hi guys!
I'm a 26 year old medical student with an MBA degree, contemplating a career shift to the tech industry. Medicine is a lifestyle and I am overwhelmed by all the studying and exam taking that we are required to do. I'm seeking advice on bridging the skill gap and navigating the transition, especially considering my lack of direct experience in the business or tech field. Any insights on suitable roles for someone with a medical or business background would be appreciated.
Some background info: I graduated college with a science degree and then went on to get my MBA. After my MBA I went to medical school.
I honestly don't have any knowledge regarding the technical field but I am hoping to go into something that doesn't require too much coding since I don't have the skills. I am willing to pursue a bootcamp, classes, or even another masters program. I don't know where to start. If I could get some insight into different career roles that would be great as well.
| 12 |
Admitting myself into rehab voluntarily
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I finally wanna let this addiction go! All my addictions! See you in no less than 30 days!!!
| 1 |
How does one becoming a conversationist?
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I can’t talk for shit. I know how common this sounds but my case is different. I’m so bad at conversation my only responses to anything are “mmm” “I see” “or “that’s crazy” basically just agreeing with everything and giving emotional responses. Which comes off as boring or predictable to most people I talk to. I’m trying to come up with different responses or even think of outlets quick enough to keep a conversation going.
Are there any books I can read or YouTube/discord channels I can follow that benefits what I’m searching for?
| 4 |
have been struggling to keep up with all news and content lately. developed a tool to help me with that.
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hi friends.
i am like you enjoy different types of self improvement and productivity content, and strive to improve myself.
lately there have been too many things out there – everyone is becoming a content creator and keep posting multiple times a week, or even multiple times a day. I couldn't catch up with everything being posted out there and had a big FOMO, which led to ADHD where I go to youtube / other platforms many times a day, instead of spending it productively.
decided to build a small side-project, where AI will watch all videos for me, and then send me an email with summaries of all the content.
built first version – showed to a bunch of my friends and they liked it.
thought going to open it to a small public, so they can benefit from it as well, and I can improve it even further.
it's called summate.io – would be super happy if you try it out, and it can make life easier for you.
p.s. it's my side project, and I plan to keep it free for as long, as it doesn't break my pocket :)
| 9 |
It does get better
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So i have made a post in the discord 2 years ago and was already at a pretty bad point in my life. Fast forward to last year in november and i nearly killed my self (my mom stopped me). After the failed suicid attempt i realized i needed help thats the point where i took action. I started to take antidepressants and went to a psychologist after that everything went uphill quickly already after taking sertralin for 3 weeks i was feeling way better my anxiety was less and i was just overall more capable to face my fears. In January i went to greek athens with two of my good friends and that was a huge challenge for me but i did it. in febuary i could finally visit the clinic for ppl with mental problems. at the beginning it was very hard but time after time it got better. I stayed in the clinic for 3 months and it was the best decision of my life. Well now im back home and what changed? Everything! I can finally live my life to the fullest. I have met so many great new ppl I have met a lovely girl in the clinic who i like very much and we are staying in close contact and we decided to see where it goes. Physically im in the best shape of my life im stronger and faster than i ever was before, Mentally im finally at peace with myself ive stopped hiding myself from the world. And im just so happy right now, this year at the moment is going to be the best year of my life and i already have so many great things planned + i started dancing hip hop thats also very fun. So take it from someone who nearly offed himself who couldnt meet his own friends without taking xanax and i still had panic attacks. It does get better! But you have to accept that you have a problem and most importantly you have to take action no one is going to save you besides yourself so go out and do whatever is necessary so you can live your best life. Oh and 1 last thing u deserve help and a good live no matter how bad or useless you might feel. Were all gonna make it :) . Excuse my bad english :D not my first language.
| 71 |
How do you spot a selfish/opportunistic person?
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I have a friend that came from Turkey on a 1 year visa. We have talked for 2 years prior online and she came to visit me a few months ago.
I admired her honesty (sometimes brutal) and her self-determination to get the life she desires. I am also someone that is determined to make my life meaningful, having survived childhood abuse.
Situation:
We both came to NYC for a few days to celebrate my birthday and explore. This is my third time in the city. This is her first time.
She was intense and wanted to take as many photos as possible and go from place to place. She wanted to show off to her friends back in Turkey.
I felt at times that I was just a stand-in photographer. At times, I felt that she was opportunistic and self-absorbed. I understand how much it meant to her but what about me? Why am I even here other than catering to her needs?
I did confront her about how I felt and her dismissiveness really bothered me. Is this setting boundaries? I cried when she left because I was so disappointed and felt disrespected. It made me re-evaluate our friendship.
I often hear that “The more kind hearted and relationship oriented you are, the more prone you are to be used.”
What should I do? Being kind is who I am. I hate when the world is so subtle and overtly cruel to one another.
| 3 |
How to stop causing others pain
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I was in a relationship with my ex until around 2 months ago. I did NOT handle the breakup well at all. I was extremely limerant towards my ex, and after we broke up I basically made her life a living hell. I would use spam numbers and emails to constantly message her telling her how much I cared about her and how she shouldn't cut me or her friends off and stuff. She explicitly told me that she just wanted to be alone and to leave her alone, but that did not stop me and I kept on messaging her. After around 2 weeks, I intercepted her on her way back from her dorm and I stopped by her work place. During these incidents, I physically restrained her to try to get her to talk to me. She had a history of self harm and suicidal tendencies so I was extremely scared that the longer I waited, the more likely chance she would do something dangerous, but really that isn't a good enough excuse for the amount of personal space I invaded. She is a human being and I should have just trusted her and I should have given her the space she deserved.
The result of these interactions was that she ended up being fearful of me and further pulled back socially to avoid me. Even though I didn't do anything after that and fully went NC with her, I still fear that she is scared of me and will have to live in fear of me around the school. I am completely avoiding her to the best of my ability; I don't think she's even seen or heard of me for at least a month, but it doesn't change the fact that I hurt her and traumatized her. I don't want her to live the rest of her school life scared that I will jump her or smth and I feel extremely guilty.
Is there anything I can do to reassure her that she won't have to worry about me doing anything? I don't want to contact her because I don't want to reopen old wounds but I also feel like I have to because I never even gave her a proper apology. Ofc its not like I want to get into a relationship or even be friends with her again; I don't think I can handle that. I just feel way too guilty about what I did and I want both of us to just be out of each other's lives forever so she can be happy again.
I want to be better. I want to make sure that this type of thing doesn't happen to ANYONE else again. I don't want to become a person people fear. I don't want to keep ruining lives. I need to get rid of my savior complex, and I need to get rid of limerence (not just towards her but I want my limerence gone in general). Right now, I feel like I am the most evil person I know and its all because of this dumb limerence and lack of self control and selfishness.
| 1 |
Decided to fight my fear of 13
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Hi,
I'm currently recovering from OCD and things have been much better. I would say that I'm at 10% (compared to 100% when I had severe OCD), but I still have a few pushes to do. I'm doing the last and most difficult one step. Well, that's what therapist told me. Anyways, I have one OCD obsession related to my school's printer amount. In other words, I always want to keep 0$ in my printer card balance since it feels right. Having a certain amount feels weird and I **need** to control it Don't try to understand it, because OCD is extremely irrational. Also, I do have a fear of 13, but I wouldn't say that it's intense. So, my therapist told me to put a 5.13$ in my printer card. It's been 2 weeks and I've been feeling okay ish. I'm having stressful times right now (finishing my admissions for studying abroad and i need one more class worth of credits. So, I'm applying for summer school (waiting for the response) so that I can study abroad), but I need to find healthy ways of dealing with stress and not do OCD compulsions. It's stressful and I'm scared that the number 13 will do anything, but I will still not give in my OCD. If 13 is actually going to make my life miserable then so be it. I'm ready.
**PS: Don't comfort me by saying "13 isn't real and blabla" because comforting someone with OCD is bad since it renforces the idea that the fear is important. Thank you, much love. If you have any questions related to OCD or my journey, I'm here! I understand that OCD is truly misunderstood**
| 9 |
Just Achieved a Goal I had set long ago
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I just wanted to share that I had set some personal goals that I had been trying to accomplish since very long and today I was finally able to make measurable progress by achieving one of them
Even though it feels as if it will only get worse, please don't give up, the light might be waiting on the next step of the journey!
It gets better, keep at it!
| 5 |
Could you please share with me useful mantras that help you along the way?
|
Im currently leaving an addiction and it brings up a lot of things I have been running from. I believe I am on the right track, Im building meditation, journaling, exercising, stretching, reading and a lot more into my daily life and routine. However sometimes there come moments of deep regret, shame, negative self-talk when I feel like a living failure.
I would like to hear your mantras, that help you get trough tough times and that battle negative thoughts and self-talk. Now, I dont want to run from these, I want to understand and analyze them in order to overcome and deal with them. However sometimes its just nonsense bullshit making me hit the bottom.
So far I like two I heard from Anthony Metivier: Are these thoughts useful? How do they behave?
I also like one I heard from co-worker: All of my problems are imaginary
Could you please share with me yours?
| 126 |
How to repair my ability to socialize after seven years of isolation?
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The details of the isolation are irrelevant, though I’d be willing to elaborate in the comments if asked. I was unable to leave my house for seven years, and maintained no real-world friends throughout. Two years ago, I started reintegrating into the world, and have not yet been able to figure out how to talk to people again. I don’t even know where to start with making friends. I do acknowledge my general demeanor is a problem; people try to be nice to me (bring me fruit, give me nicknames), but because I don’t know how to respond, I’m often cold, silent, and dismissive. Usually the best response one can garner from me is a ‘mm’-type of hum without looking up from my task. I genuinely think I’ll burst into tears if I open my mouth, though, which I know is overbearing and unacceptable to throw at a stranger. I don’t have opportunities to meet people outside of work, and my field does not have many young women for me to interact with (I am also a young woman) (as well as the task itself being solitary). I did not grow up in regular household; I do not have any family relationships. I spend most days having not said a word at all to anyone. I have always been strange, and hard for people to understand, but I had this large, undeserved confidence when I was younger. I was so unafraid to be loud and myself with anyone. Now, I only feel afraid, nothing else.
I know I need to take active steps, challenge myself, be open to embarrassment or rejection and learn it’s not as big of a deal as I make it out to be -I’ll survive it with more ease than I imagined. I just don’t know what those first steps are.
TL;DR I am socially challenged after seven years of isolation and would like to know what first steps I can take to overcome this
| 3 |
Day 1 | Month 2 | Year 0
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Very late post. Was at relatives house for a majority of today. Not bad honestly
Improvement: Spent time with relatives and family
Goals for tomorrow: Finish 3 pieces of work, learn 10 Japanese words, complete singing practice
Goodnight or good whatever time it is for you :|
Post written at 2:54am
| 2 |
What I learned from my (realistic) digital detox experiment
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Ever since I started working remotely, I've noticed that my relationship with technology was becoming less of a tool and more of an obsession. I was constantly plugged in, updating social media, scrolling through news feeds, and staying connected with work at all hours.
And I know I'm not alone in this.
So, I wanted to share my journey toward a healthier relationship with technology. This journey, often termed "digital detox," doesn't demonize technology; instead, it aims to reclaim our control over it.
What does this actually look like?
For me, it was about setting achievable rules for myself - guidelines that didn't completely cut me off from technology (because let's face it, most of us don't have that luxury), but that allowed me to disconnect sustainably.
Some things I did that can help you:
1. **Lock apps** using your phone's built-in tools to set daily time limits for overall usage or specific apps.
2. Choose **which apps can send you notifications.** Only pick the really important ones (you don't need a Twitter or Pinterest notification!)
3. Spend at least **30 minutes** outside without your phone. If you're worried about safety, let a loved one know where you're going and when you'll be back.
4. Get an **old-school alarm clock.** That way, you're not tempted to look at your phone first thing in the morning (bonus: No snoozing allowed!)
5. Remember those **things you used to enjoy that didn't need a screen**? Like reading real books, cooking, or playing an instrument. If you don't have a hobby, experiment with a few until you find one that resonates with you.
6. Avoid **too many apps for work.** One tool that helps me manage my tech use and create a realistic schedule is Sunsama. It is a daily planner that supports sustainable productivity and collates all to-dos in one place. It helps me save my mental bandwidth managing todos in multiple apps.
A final tip is that don't treat this digital detox as a one-size-fits-all. You'll know it's working when you notice a decrease in symptoms like anxiety, eye strain, or difficulty focusing.
Have you tried a digital detox? Any tips or tools that have worked for you?
| 29 |
[DISCUSSION] Day 9 of 180 Self improvement plan
|
Started my day teaching chemistry. Send off my cousin brother to work at a new location.
Yesterday, I wasn't productive due to various reasons. Today, I opted to study in the morning. It was good.
1 hr of peaceful study in the morning > 3 hrs of stressful crunch in the afternoon.
Completed 2 modules of the Google Digital Marketing certification course. Plus 3 course are covered out of 7. Tomorrow will start with the 4th.
Hit the gym at 4:30 PM. Targeted muscle was core.
Hanging leg raises 6 reps x 8
Machine Ab crunches 16 reps x 8 sets
Hanging knee raises 8 reps x 8 sets
Weighted side bends 16 reps x 8 sets
Study a bit for 30 mins. The aim was to study for 100mins but could do 80 only. I could have forced myself. But, it doesn't make sense to me.
Overall, on track on my plan.
| 2 |
social anxiousness
|
I (21F) have been noticing a rise in my social anxiousness. I’ve always been nervous around people, but now I pretty much don’t go out and I get nervous over small things when I do (for example, I always try to skip the check out lines and do self checkout instead, and if i have an item that needs to be rung up by a worker j just put it back). I went to a graduation the other day and I had to use a bunch of effort to stop myself from breaking down and crying bc i was overstimulated. When I was on campus at uni I honestly skipped classes sometimes bc I was so anxious about being late, where I would sit, what if someone takes my seat, etc. I want to improve this since I can’t even function-any tips on how to get better? I’d like to go back to school in August so any tips would be really helpful!
| 1 |
My intense jealousy has ruined previous relationships and is ruining my life, how can I manage it?
|
I have always been extremely jealous of everyone around me, but the issue mainly presents in my relationships and it means I can't trust people. I know it all stems from my own insecurities and the fact that I hate myself and don't understand how anyone else could like me and so I convince myself that everyone is out to get me in some way.
I compare myself to my partner's ex-girlfriends constantly, I notice every single person he checks out on the street and then convince myself I am not his type or I need to look more like this person or less like this whatever.
I'm so sick of it. It's like I can't control the thoughts once they start and it makes me act horribly and accuse people of things they may not have even done.
I am exploring this issue with a therapist but I really need help to control it at the moment because over the last few weeks it has been taking a toll on my relationship. I'm wondering if I'm just an inherently selfish and mean person because this has been with me all my life. Maybe my brain is just wired wrong.
Has anyone else experienced severe jealousy for long periods of time? I remember this starting when I was a teenager. How do you control the thoughts when they come up?
| 4 |
I don't know what should i do , may someone help ?
|
I dont know if the title was weird but yeah , i really need help.
Recently i realized i got no friends , literally all my friends care about is gaming or anything that is cheap dopamine , and these days i started to feel like i want to work hard , i want to do new things and discover new hobbies.
My problem is that literally i have no one to share my ideas or plans or even do anything with me , i'm literally alone in my room all day because i got no one to hangout with.
I want to continue doing thing like a lonewolf but my problem is that i didnt go out with a friend since 2019 and i really need to have fun with something out of my room
I hope you all understand what i mean 😔
I really wanna do things alone to prove myself that i dont need anyone and let them enjoy their cheap dopamine
So guys please tell me what can i do to fix my life
| 5 |
I am plagued by inactivity
|
Like the title says, I am extremely inactive about my life and changing it, but I don’t know why.
I never start new activities, not even the ones that are extremely useful/important. I can’t even make myself play the video games I enjoy alone, even though I haven’t lost interest in them.
I need to learn how to drive, apply for scholarships, get a job, and get prepared for college.
Am I actually doing any of those though? No. And I can’t seem to bring myself to do them regardless of the shame/guilt or fear of failing to do those in time for college.
I can’t figure out why I can’t do these things, I’ve even tried looking at ways to get these tasks done, such as splitting them up into simpler tasks, rewarding myself afterwards, doing them for a short period of time. I can’t even get myself to do any of these though.
Not being able to initiate myself to start these is awful and I don’t want to be like this but I can’t get myself to change. Why am I so lazy? I’ve tried looking on the internet to explain why this is but I can’t figure it out aside from maybe the executive dysfunction of task initiation, but I don’t fit enough diagnostic criteria for ADHD and definitely not depression or anything of the sort.
| 2 |
On getting rid of social media
|
If you’re thinking about it, just do it. It’s unbelievable how much extra time and more productive things you can squeeze in to your daily schedule when you’re not mindlessly spending time scrolling for hours on end. Yes sometimes it feels like I’m missing out on catching up with new stuff but honestly there’s more cons to it than pros. I never want to rejoin fb and ig again now.
| 10 |
Should I give money to people online?
|
Often, I am approached by people online who ask me for money, saying things like theyre starving, or they need medicine and so on. It's possible that these people are scammers, but I still usually want to / actually do give them money (although it's usually not as much as they ask for).
On one hand, I'm a weak person and my family is very financially stable. And even if they ARE scammers, they probably still need money. And if they ARE telling the truth, that money could be the difference between life and death. I think "I've got enough cash, and they definitely need it more than I do; why SHOULDNT I give it to them?"
On the other hand, I (20m) don't have a job. The money I'm giving isn't mine; it's my parents' money. My parents are normally cool with me giving money to people less fortunate, but for people online, they DEFINITELY arent. They 100% think theyre scammers. Also, if I'm getting scammed, I feel dumb, like a spoiled, idiot brat with no common sense.
What should I do? Giving them a small amount of the money they ask for doesn't make me feel better; if they're scammers, that still means I'm getting scammed, and if they're truthful, then I'm potentially letting someone die because I don't want my parents to get mad. I feel either incredibly selfish, or like a fool. What do I do? Whats the RIGHT thing to do in these scenarios?
Edit: as explained in some comments below, my FATHER doesn't approve, but my mother is more approving.
Also, very recently, one person said they were struggling in a post (MANY posts, actually), but they didn't ask anyone for money in these posts. It wasn't until I dm'd them and asked if they needed someone to talk to that they asked me for money. Idk if this is scammer behavior or not, is it?
Also, if I suspect they are scammers, I don't know if I should report them. If they aren't, then it'll be REALLY bad, since someone who is in actual trouble will be unable to get assistance. If I know for a fact, I will report, but if I'm unsure, should I?
| 1 |
Struggling junior student
|
Hi, i’m an incoming junior in my university. Four years ago, I noticed how I start to keep distance from my friends. I already forgot the reason (pretty sure we did not fight about something), but since then, I find it difficult to trust people and usually isolate myself.
The problem, however, is that I also applied the same distance to my college blockmates, and my study habits were greatly affected. I used to be a consistent honors student, but now I struggle with keeping up with lectures, avoiding tasks, and submitting requirements on time. I also find it really difficult to express my thoughts both in speaking and in writing, which causes me to delay on working with my requirements.
I already different study techniques (pomodoro, blurting out, flashcards, taking notes, act like you’re teaching to someone, etc.) but I always get distracted and end up textung a friend or watching youtube videos.
I really want to be better and start working really hard now because I want to graduate with latin honors. I also want to bring back my old study habits. Although I did try applying my old study habits from high school, it did not work at all in uni. I want to change and be a better student as it will also affect my work ethics in the future.
Any advices on this are greatly appreciated. Hope everyone have a good day/evening!
| 2 |
How do I get detached from a guy?
|
I kissed him once, had a crush on him since almost a year. I am too attached to him, to the point that it affects my mental health and I don't know how to overcome that.
| 1 |
Public Journal To Fix My Life | Day 3 of 90
|
Me again! As always, a summary for new readers:
This journal is meant to keep me accountable while I'm on my journey of healing and self-improvement. I must get out of a really deep hole, and I feel this is a great step. I can't promise reading this will be interesting or fun, just real.
That said, let's begin. Today was pretty normal. I woke up early again and meditated (I have like 4-day streaks meditating), then took the first L of the day. While talking to one of my roommates, I put my AirPods in my pocket, and because I get so nervous while talking to people and need something to grab, I accidentally broke the 'AirTip' of one of my AirPods.
I honestly freaked out for a moment and thought my day was ruined, but thankfully those AirTips are not as expensive as I thought. They cost like $10 for 2 pairs, so later I went out to the nearest Apple Store and bought new ones.
In the morning, I also had an online meeting with a college advisor who was helping me prepare for tomorrow's interview. It went well. She shared some tips with me and overall told me that the key was to show them that I was motivated to work there, which I hadn't thought about. I was SO nervous about showing tomorrow that I'm the 'perfect' candidate.
After that, I shaved my head (which I usually do because 2-3 years ago, I started to lose hair on the top of my head... at 19 :/), and it felt comfortable and fresh. Then, I went to buy the AirTips, and although it was mad hot today, I enjoyed going out and walking/riding my bike.
After buying the AirTips, I received really good news. A friend who does micro pigmentation said that he'll do one for me for free (because he needs to build his portfolio), and for me, this is a huge deal because, although I usually shave my head as I said before, it is something I'm insecure about because I look horrible when my hair starts to grow back, and the lack of hair on the top of my head is noticeable.
Anyways, we arranged a date for the procedure, and I'm really happy about it. My parents said that it doesn't look good as it is pretty obvious (the micro pigmentation), but I don't care. What's the worst thing that could happen? If I don't like it, I'll just keep using a cap, and I honestly don't think my hair could look worse than it looks now.
After that, I smoked ⅓ of a joint and proceeded to eat. I'm trying to self-regulate and smoke 3-4 times a week to, first, not hurt my wallet and also to not mess up my tolerance. While high, I suddenly got the urge to read about effective communication (which is something I lack), so I started reading "How to Talk to Anyone" by Leil Lowndes. It was eye-opening. I realized I was doing lots of things wrong when talking to people, and although I'm just on page 30, I feel like I've learned a lot.
Tomorrow, I'll put into practice in the interview some of the tips, like delaying the smile when you first meet someone, having good posture with your head up and shoulders back, and the hardest one, maintaining eye contact. That's all for now, guys. I'm now going to visit a friend and then try to go to bed early to have energy for the interview tomorrow. Wish me luck! See y'all tomorrow. :)
| 14 |
Networking/Looking for like minded People
|
What’s up guys, I'm an 18-year-old from Germany and I’m focusing on self-improvement. Right now, I'm working on my online business and I'm lucky to have a mentor to guide me. I also do sports six times a week, like boxing and hitting the gym. My goal is to become the best version of myself - strong, capable, and wealthy. I want to be successful and make money as soon as possible.
If you have a similar goal, feel free to send me a DM. I'd love to meet interesting people who are on the same journey of self-improvement.
By the way, we already have a group where we chat about self-improvement and success. It's made up of people who are either working on their own businesses or already have one. We have people from many fields like trading, drop shipping, reselling, IT, and even amateur MMA fighting. Right now, we have 18 members, but we're open to more.
JUST TO BE CLEAR THIS ISNT AN AD AND IM NOT MAKING MONEY FROM IT. I simply would like to talk to like minded people.
| 1 |
I’m a disappointment and idk what to do
|
I’m 18 and in the middle of sitting my Alevel exams. This past year I’ve lost all motivation, any goals I had, and really any respect I had from others. I started taking loads of time off school, flunking all my exams, getting mad at any given moment, self harming, and I went as far as attempting suicide. When I wasn’t in school I was just sleeping or on my phone- just wasting time really.
I told my family that I won’t be passing my Alevels this year and that I’m going to resit them next year, but I don’t know if I can do that. I dont See much of a future for myself at this point. I had every chance to do well but I didn’t. I have older brothers and they’re both economics degree holders working in amazing, high earning jobs. My parents love them. I feel like I’m never going to have any direction in my life. I’ve spent years like this and I need to change. I have four more exams to go, psychology and economics paper 3, and my computer science exams, lord knows how they’ll go. I’ve tried therapy and antidepressants but I still haven’t made a change, I’ve literally stayed the same.
Please can someone just give me some advice on how to “un-fuck” my life. I’m not asking for all the answers, I just don’t know what to do anymore, I try cleaning my room and eating well etc. but I go back to my old ways fast- and even when I try to change I never feel like I am changing. I’m sure this post sounds like an “I’m 14 and this is deep post” but I’m just asking for some help. I dont want to keep reliving the same day anymore, and I don’t want to be living the way I am now in 5 years time.
Thanks in advance
Edit- I know this is all over the place and I am sorry, I wasn’t sure how to word it all.
| 9 |
I want to start being more vocal
|
For as long as I remember, I’ve been either silenced or laughed at. I never really developed the confidence to be open and vocal about my emotions and thoughts — I was taught not to cry! And this applies even to social media, I don’t even feel comfortable enough to share my thoughts online for the fear of a family member finding out and judging/criticising me. At work too, I haven’t been able to speak out as much as I would’ve liked to.
I can blame my parents and the bullies at my school as much as I want. But the truth is that, I’m an adult now and it’s on me to fight for the life I want and the for the kind of a person I want to be. For once, I don’t want to be someone who feels gripping fear to voice out the smallest thing.
And I gotta start somewhere, and cannot find a better platform than reddit to do that. As I start this new journey, would love any positive advices y’all have got! Just fyi I’m a 25YO Indian woman.
| 7 |
encouragement for college?
|
I (21F) was last in college for Spring 2022, which I failed miserably. I decided to take a semester off, but there were barely any classes to take online starting in January so it turned into a year. Somehow I completely forgot that it’s late for Fall 2023 registration, so now I’m not even sure if I’ll be able to get in for Fall 2023, which would mean if I’m not able to, I’ll be 2 years behind. I feel so disappointed for being so easily overwhelmed and for being so rocky mental health wise that now I’m so far behind everyone else and I feel really ashamed an down about this. If anyone has any encouraging words or helpful advice I would really appreciate this, thank you all!
| 1 |
I am going to pay for my first car with cash
|
Hey guys. I’m a 20 year old college student with a big spending problem. I just took my first semester off for the sole purpose of paying off my 4k of credit card debt. I’m working two jobs so I can do that in two months. This has been fucking rough on my body and brain and often I’m not in the mood to get up and work from 8 AM- 1 PM and then 2 PM- 10 PM but I do it regardless.
overall this has been empowering despite the stress and I am proud of myself for fixing my stupid mistakes. I have decided I’m sick and tired of worrying about money and I’m sick and tired of walking everywhere. No one ever taught me how to deal with money and all I have had to go off of is my own shopping addiction and advice from google. I have never known anything beyond instant gratification and I have decided I want to really work for something big. work for it for so long that I can have it and never have to worry about meeting a monthly bill and feel like I’m drowning.
I’ve never touched a wheel in my life and this has been embarrassing and suffocating as an adult when many 16 year olds I know have more freedom than me. I don’t know how I will pull this off because there are so many moving parts and I make so little when I go back to school, but I am going to save for a car that I can pay for with cash. I will not switch from walking until I can achieve that. I’m sick of owing my whole paychecks and I will not deal with that with my first car. It will be a nice one too. And I will also buy driving lessons.
I guess this is just a big ramble but it feels good to take control of your life and let go of your control on time. In the end I think it will be so much better for my mental health to take my time even if it takes years. Imagine how good it will feel when I get there!
| 32 |
An open letter on the state of affairs regarding the API pricing and third party apps and how that will impact moderators and communities.
| null | 11 |
I feel like a failure and I just want to feel better.
|
I am a junior(F21) at a top 30 university and I transferred into this particular business school because I thought I would be able to land a good internship and job because of the high ratings of the university. Because of circumstances I couldn't control, I wasn't able to live on campus and the one hour drive back and forth drained me. I entered my junior year with the worst mental health of my life. I was mad at my parents, disappointed in myself, and just a ball of hate and depression. I tried to be positive and make things work for myself, but it is now the end of the year and I wake up everyday feeling shitty about myself. I open LinkedIn and I want to die. I feel like I will never amount to anything because while all these people in my grade have all this experience, I am VP of one club, a private tutor, and that's it. I might have secured an unpaid marketing internship for the summer, but I don't know if it's even going to look good. I love the beauty industry and its a marketing internship at a small beauty company and while I want to work in the industry, I worry that I won't make any money. I wanted to go into consulting at a Big4 company and am taking finance as my emphasis but I am trying really hard and still getting bad grades and resent the subject. Just today I got back my grade on a test I worked my ass off for, for a score that was less than my first exam.
​
I'm not doing well in most of my classes because I just don't care. I used to be a 4.0 student and now I feel worthless. I worry I won't get any job, make good money the way I wanted to, and I wasted my parents money on a degree that might be worthless. I wanted to go into English primarily, but I didn't because while i was passionate about it, i didn't know what I would do with it. I feel like a failure and that I wasted my time and now my career is shot. I hate this person I have turned into. I'm negative, pessimistic, and I wake up hating myself a little more everyday. It's like I'm trying to claw out a more positive persona but I can't. I just feel like shit all the time.
| 1 |
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