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How do I stop thinking about how everyone in my life is gonna die
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I can’t sleep anymore all I think about is how my me and family could just not wake up tomorrow all I wanna do is cry and hug my family everyday it’s been weeks I can’t sleep all I think about is death now I just can’t continue i’m gonna break
| 1 |
Did some people never experience bullying?
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It baffles me whener I see someone just talking with confidence. Or generally not trying to hide themselves from the eyes of others.
Are they not afraid of being ridiculed and ostracized for being themselves? Has that never happened to them?
Geniunely curious how can some people be so confident and unashamed. Where did they get the idea that they're worthy of just.. being? Without being laughed at for it?
| 4 |
I quit my meds after weight gain and I'm getting really depressed again. What should I do?
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I got a lot of help from medication for many years, especially Aripiprazole. It was a magic drug that worked reallly well on me. I think I almost recovered from depression completely, but by that time I had gained 30+kg (66 pounds?). Although I wasn't having as much suicidal thoughts, I developed really low self esteem and started to shut myself off in my room because of my weight. When I learned that medication was probably the reason I gained so much weight I felt really betrayed, although I know that I wouldn't have survived without it.
So I talked to my doctor about it and she agreed to put me off the meds, mostly because I wasn't doing too bad mentally. But after a few months now, it feels like hell. I feel like I've fell back into depression, AND I'm also stressed out about my weight. I don't want to disappoint people that think I've recovered so I try to act bright, but I'm just constantly thinking about ending my life. Did anyone else experience similar things? What should I do? I'd rather just kill myself than go back to meds and gain another 30kg. I wish I'd never visited the doctor and wish I had just tried to tough it out if that's what I have to do anyway right now.
| 1 |
I'm extremely stressed, need someone to discuss it with (maybe at length)...
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I just don't see this stress ever coming to an end. I can't manage my life!
There's too much that needs to be done. Too little I can do. Too much I want to do.
I could quit rest, leisure and hobbies, but that'd just make things worse.
I think I really really need someone else to discuss this with.
I struggle with perfectionism and toxic productivity.
All my life I've just dealt with depression - and now that I've overcome depression, I realize I have literally no idea how to manage my stress, anger, other issues....
Please comment or DM me if anyone thinks they can help.
| 1 |
Does this sound like ocd or schizophrenia?
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Kind of freaking out, I won't be able to visit a mental health professional for several months, and I want to check to see if this sounds like ocd or if I am developing schizophrenia and need to find a way to see someone NOW.
Okay so a couple months ago I was given a statue of the Buddha that a friend said would bring me good luck.
I am not a Buddhist, but i am a very anxious person, and having that little statue helped me feel a bit more in control. So I would clean it's little area as a self reassurance thing. I also liked looking at its smiling face. It seemed to say "everything will be alright".
However recently things have very much not been alright at all for a lot of very real reasons that are outside of my control. And I fear the way I am treating the statue is kind of bad. I look over at it and if the light is wrong, I think it looks displeased. I consciously know it isn't alive, and the look is just the light. But then I think, what if it WAS though. I then worry that I'm going insane; because i just had the thought that a statue could be alive. If I don't clean it's base and adjust the light so it looks happy, I just can't stop thinking about it. I will literally lay there unable to sleep until I do it.
The other day I had organized a bag of supplies near the statue, and then looking at it. I had the thought that the statue wouldn't like that and something bad would happen unless I moved it. I tried reassuring myself by saying it was just a statue, but again my anxiety got the better of me and I moved it just in case. I felt like a fool the whole time.
A while ago I had a freakout and someone said else on reddit it sounded like I had ocd. But I can't find anything that says people with ocd treating things like they are alive. So now I'm worried about schizophrenia.
Any thoughts or suggestions? I'm going to get a professional opinion but won't be able to for a while.
| 1 |
I’m doin bad ngl
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Mfs mentally ain’t good and I have no one to talk to mfs think I’m too tuff to have mental issues
Dis whole summer I been in the house doing work and helping my pops cut grass and doing that I ain’t made no money met anyone new linked wit friends left the house or even linked ah bitch on top of dat one of my dogs that I’ve have since 2019 died and bruh made me and my brother throw his body off a bridge the told us it’s just life
This year alone I’ve almost lost both my brothers and my sister got a cps case on da house my been broke like 2 months ion kno when the last time I really talked to my moms but ion fucc wit her no way the way I’m livin I can’t take it mfs only 15 when sum happens in dis house i get called dogs need to fed i get called dishes dirty I get called I’m to the point where when I get mad I just cry and the best thing I can do I Succ dat shit up cause nobody care fr I’m glad I’m as strong as I am but goddamn man If you see this please help me idk what to do I’ve been punching shit in my room trynna cool off it’s like I can’t be happy for 1 day
Please I might snap
| 1 |
for anyone losing hope.
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I used to find myself writing suicide notes to my family and friends telling them l loved them and that I was sorry. I didn’t plan on making it past 14. But then my 15th birthday came around, then my 16th. I thought that was it. I couldn’t take the pain any longer. The things that used to bring me joy became nothing, I just felt numb. I desperately just wanted to feel something. I thought that life just wasn’t for me, and that I shouldn’t have been born. Despite the support from my parents, I couldn’t help but feel like a failure. The child they tried for 3 years to have was a wreck. I never wanted them to know how I felt because I knew it would hurt them. I dreamt of them with a beautiful happy baby boy like they thought I was going to be. I overthought day after day thinking that I wasn't supposed to have been born. I failed almost all my exams, I felt like such a let down. When it came to deciding what to do in college I had no idea what I wanted to do, because I had never even thought about it before. I didnt expect to live this long. After I failed my exams I fell into an even bigger depression. I overdosed weekly but never told anyone. Soon I was starting college, making some of the most greatest friends. After a break up, I overdosed and got taken to hospital in an amulance. The doctor asked me if my intention was to die, which I responed with yes. That was the lowest point of my life. I decided not to help myself, because I was never going to get any better. I was off college for two months before going back. After that, something came over me, I didnt want to die anymore. I truly wanted to get better. Which leads me to now, I made it to my 17th birthday. I remember crying and repeatedly saying to myself "I made it.” It’s been a month since my birthday. I’ve met a guy who really cares about me. I’ve met up with all friends this week after months of not seeing them. I used to find myself writing suicide notes, but now i find myself writing notes of hope and that are full of life. I am finally happy.
| 4 |
Creating stories in my head?
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Hello I’m a 28F and since I was a teen I’ve been randomly creating stories in my head. I could be about shows I like and I make up my own version or I could listen to music and zone out in my own world. I do it when I walk to the shops I’ll have music on and zone out.
It’s not effected me personally but I just recently started to wonder why I do it, is it cause I grew up with social anxiety. So making stories was my way of having friends and I still do it? Just a little confused.
| 8 |
Irregular antidepressant usage... Will I be okay?
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I'm 18. I've struggled with OCD and I was put on fluvixamine, daily dose of 150mg. Been taking it for 1.5 years (highest dosage started 3 months ago?).
For the past month or slightly longer, I've only taken about 4 or 5 doses. I was feeling so well that I just... Forgot about it. Genuinely. I'd remember once every week or so and that's it.
I had no withdrawal symptoms, but I decided to take it again yesterday, deciding I need to be regular about this and take it everyday or I'll go back into a slump.
I couldn't sleep properly and I feel a bit weird in my head. Nothing worrying though, I usually get that when I missed one dose (even though I've missed a lot now).
I know I should call my psychiatrist but I'm too scared they'll get mad at me or something.
Will I be fine? Can I just... Go back to taking it daily, or will that send me into a shock or cause something bad, like serotonin syndrome?
| 1 |
Just need some positive vibes.
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I’ve been struggling pretty hard mentally lately and could just use some positivity and good vibes.
| 1 |
I think I have an attention seeking problem
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I just want to say I am with a therapist and working towards improving
That being said, I feel like I only value people on their status. Recently someone has come into my life, she has a substantial amount of followers on instagram - 10k+ . I find myself looking up to people with a high status and wanting their attention - as if to make myself worth anything. It’s like if I can affect them and get them to need me or want me it’s like I’m worth it.
And right now she’s mad at me for something, it wasn’t intentional, I have difficulty conveying and communicating my emotions. I tried to apologise but she is mad. But I also feel some sort of pleasure for it, as if I am something enough to make them care about anything related to me. She said she wants to resolve this she’s just frustrated and needs time to which of course I accepted. I of course don’t want her to be miserable because of me. It’s like a deep rooted sense of pleasure and it makes me feel like i’m in control.
I am trying to be transparent so I can accept any constructive criticism or just any advice on this matter. I feel like I am special or better than people - I do not show this in person, in fact i’m quite socially anxious, not knowing how to perform in normal situations. I don’t want to be a bad person it’s just how I feel Im not sure why. But it’s hard changing when i get pleasure from things like this. I really do not empathise with people and when I engage in substance abuse It’s like a enhancement of how I feel - that i am really amazing, I don’t want it to harm ppl unless it’s people I feel I have to prove my worth too.
i love attention when it’s in the way i envisioned it
| 2 |
What's happening to me??
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I have been going through some extreme changes these past few years. My life has always been difficult ig, I've never been one to talk about how "bad' my life was. I always know there are people going through much worse. I have noticed a rapid decline in my mental health over the last two years specifically. I haven't been diagnosed with anything but ADHD when I was really young. I haven't gotten a mental evaluation since I was a kid. But I'm sure if I did now there would be a lot more wrong with me. I grew up seeing stuff that I shouldn't have seen. I would sit down all day and watch old slasher movies like child's play 1 and 2 and the whole nightmare on elm street series at the age of 2-3. Not completely sure on the exact age just know around then. I always remember things from my childhood that I've told my mom in detail and she was confused on how I remembered such things. I didn't have a normal life. I was born dirt poor. Born into a distinctional family that couldn't go a day without trying to kill each other. But the main group of the family, being me my aunt, my uncle, his wife, my mom and my little sister, would always kill for each other. Anyway not tryna give my whole life story just some back story ig. Ik I have PTSD from the situations I've been put into. I'm disappointed to say I used to make fun of that PTSD thing because I didn't understand it. Now that I see what it does to you I honestly feel like this is my punishment for all those times. I feel like I'm detached from reality at times. I find myself doing reality checks and having them fail once or twice then I realize that I'm actually in reality. I'm sorry if none of this makes any sense I'm not good at explaining these kind of things. I have always used suicide as an escape. It's like a comforting feeling. If things ever get unbearable I know I always have that as an escape. I hallucinate sober often. The walls will breath and warp in shape. I notice it more when I'm outside looking at my feet and then look up it's like everything zooms out. Eventually my normal vision comes back. But in some instances it takes a moment. I've had vivid hallucinations that have triggered PTSD and panic attacks. One hallucination that I will never forget was a day I was laying on my bed staring at the ceiling and just heard a girl screaming in the ceiling. It didn't completely bother me at first because I've had this happen before and it's usually like they are screaming in the back of my mind to where ik it's not real. But this time something weird happened. I focused on the ceiling and it completely went red like bloodshot. Then cages looked like it bursted through and a girl whose face was distorted almost like a 2d stock photo of a girl from a horror movie. Face covered in blood dripping down. I just layed there remembering thinking this was my life now. I will be here staring at this forever. It went away after about 40 seconds but it was the longest 40 seconds of my life. This happend before I did any psychedelics. I was smoking weed frequently around this time but was not high during the hallucination or coming down from a high. I still can not explain what happened to me. This is 100% true. No reason to lie just genuinely want advice on what to do and what's going on with me. I really want to emphasize the times where I feel disconnected from reality. It genuinely is a scary feeling at first almost like you realizing your dreaming that strong feeling is hard to put into words. I have had these feelings both on and off drugs but it hits harder when off of drugs because I know that there is no substance causing it just my mind, creating this separate reality. These feelings don't usually last long. The longest I've ever had it last tho was two days. But that's because I was going through an extreme amount of stress during that time. These are just some things if I get answers and advice I will post more questions about my fuc*ed mind.
| 1 |
Possible anxiety disorder
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Honestly not looking for a bunch of medical advice (I will be talking to my therapist ofc but I don't see her for almost two weeks), except if you have anxiety and this sounds familiar let me know. Mainly emotional support is what I want.
I can hardly fkin relax. I am grieving the loss of my stepsister in February and some other lesser stressful life events. It's caused lots of old mental health symptoms to show up but some new problems as well. Recently, like the last month I just can't relax. I have constant fear on my mind of "what will happen if I don't do this or what if this project I'm working on is a disaster and everyone will hate me". I'm so exhausted a full 8 hours of sleep won't help, and I feel "paralyzed" by stress, like I can barely get off the couch and face the day.
When I am able to work on projects, especially if someone else is relying on me, I feel a lot of pressure to get it done right.
When a new thing is added to my plate, I think "great, another thing I have to fkin worry about when I just solved the last problem. I will always be stressed like this!" Even if it's a small problem. I constantly have all my current problems or stressors in my head, playing on a constant loop. I feel on edge nearly all the time. If I have nothing to actually be 'on edge' about rn, I wonder "what stressor did I forget about? What important thing did I forget to do that will bite me in the ass later?" Always expecting the worst case scenario and trying to prepare myself for it. Always imaging others hating me or my life falling apart in some domino effect extending from my current circumstances.
Also, I notice I'm hypervigilant about other people, like I'm commonly interpreting what they say to me as angry or they hate me, even when they make a neutral statement. When I'm the room with people I'm not super close to, I feel super self conscious and wondering "am I gonna do something annoying? Are they gonna hate me?" And when I'm around people like my bosses or parents I worry "will I do something to get myself in trouble?" Even if I haven't done anything.
I can distract myself with interesting movies, scrolling funny videos online, and using weed and sometimes alcohol but these are just forms of escapism, not actually dealing with the problem but putting a mask on it for a short time.
It's midnight and I'm normally asleep by now but I'm wide awake, tossing turning and dreading tomorrow.
Honestly this was just me spilling what's on my mind, a temporary little catharsis.
If anyone has anything to say about any of this to reassure me or give me encouragement, please let me know lol. Not having fun.
| 1 |
Social service want me to be homeless
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TW: DV, addictions
I only finished school less than a month ago and my first sense of independence has been being kicked out to make room for my abusive brother. He's been physically abusing us for years. He threatens to kill us, hurts me if I try to go to eat or get food, breaks shit then hurts us as punishment for "making him mad". He got arrested for the 3rd or 4th time a few weeks ago and originally his bail stopped him coming home. But my mum begged to change it and he got kicked out of his mates so he's back home. I'm now homeless because I can't keep living somewhere where I don't sleep because I'm scared of being stabbed in my sleep. I can't spend any more nights locked in a bathroom because I'm too physically exhausted to stay awake any more and I can't sleep somewhere without a lock.
When he came home the other day when I was staying at a mates and he threatened to gas everyone and blow up the house. He then dragged my mum out and hurt the dog. The police didn't even respond cause it "wasn't an emergency". So he's just back home again and everyone thinks its fine. My mum can't even kick him out now cause social services told her if she does she'll be charged with neglect. I spoke to the social worker today and said as long as my brother's home, I'm forced into homelessness and her response was just that I'm an adult and going to uni soon so I can work it out. I can't afford the deposit on my uni accommodation. I might still be homeless at uni. I can't get a job because I'm sofa surfing.
I only finished therapy for PTSD a year ago. I've been clean from sh for a year and drugs for like 6 months. But now I can't stop drinking and I think I'm gonna end up relapsing in everything else. I can't even put into words how painful it is that everyone values and loves an abuser more than me. It makes me feel so small and insignificant and invisible. It feels like there must be something so inherently wrong and bad with me to be seen as lower than him.
Fuck the police and fuck social services.
I just want to feel appreciated and have a home. Even if my brother leaves and I can go home, I don't even think I'd ever feel at home again. I don't have any love for anyone in my family any more at all. I can't bring myself to care.
| 3 |
Alcohol, struggling
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I'm struggling with abusing alcohol as a way to stop the intrusive thoughts. It doesn't work, obviously, and I will stop now. But boy, it gets a grip.
I find drink driving abhorrent, and I would never do it. But I found myself trying to work out the latest I could drink and still be safe to drive, like with??? (I didn't drink drive to be clear, but horrified I was trying to justify it).
I've never been a drinker, I take meds for lupus so my liver has enough to do, but it's the first think I did when I woke today.
That's enough.
Anyone else been here?
| 5 |
how to accept the person my mom is after her brain injury?
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first and foremost I’m not sure whether I’m looking for answers, advice or just an outlet to vent to but I don’t know where else to go for help right now so here I am.
long story short, I’m 29 years old and I have an older brother and a younger sister. my dad is not in our lives, he actually growing up was my best friend but after he left my mom, he became someone else so I made the decision to remove him from my life. So I was left with just my mom, and her and I always had a very rocky relationship due to her alcoholism. But in the last year or so things were finally looking up for us, I loved calling her just to talk. I loved seeing her just to go run silly errands. I just genuinely enjoyed being around her.
At the end of January of this year my mom had a very bad fall outside on the concrete. Enough to where she fractured her skull so bad that she was in the hospital for 3 days, conscious. Before she had a severe stroke and become unresponsive. She was given an emergency craniectomy but she didn’t wake up for 2 months after that surgery. I sat in that hospital every single day just watching a shell of my mom, hoping and praying she’d wake up. The doctors would tell me that if she does wake up, she most likely won’t be the same and I don’t think I fully processed that. Because now she’s been awake since April, and she really is not the same in any way. She doesn’t even know my name 90% of the time and it really fucking hurts. I try not to let it effect me because why should I complain? My mom is the one who is going through this, she doesn’t deserve this. I’m still me, I’m still able to live my life, so I feel guilty even complaining. But I miss her so much. I feel like I never truly got to have the relationship I wanted with my mom. I was robbed of that. And now I’m alone. I don’t have any parent to call for advice, to talk to about my life, to share exciting news with. My mom can’t walk, she can’t see, she can barely talk, I’m not sure at all where her memory is at or if she even knows anything about her life. She can’t be left alone, she needs 24/7 care.
How does one cope with that? How do I accept that this could potentially be what my moms life is like for the rest of time?
| 1 |
Questions about the psych ward
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So back in 2020 after getting out of the Military I was seeing a therapist through the VA for PTSD. I informed him I would like to change meds and he told my mother and I that he will set it up for me to get my meds changed the same day that I would just need to go there. So my mom drove me there and when I got there and signed in I was informed the doctor pink slipped me. So long story short after 21 hours of being in there the doctors on the floor all agreed I didn't need to be there and sent me home after calling my parents to pick me up. I wanted to know if there is a way to fight this or not because I'm trying to get a job in Law Enforcement or even back in the military but this one little mishap is really gonna make that nearly impossible. I have logs from the same talk where I didn't say anything that would warrant a pink slip but simply asked for a med change. I know the federal law says I can't own a gun now unless it was just for observation purposes but I don't even know how to tell why I was slipped.
| 1 |
Messed up my appointment
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I fucked up so bad. Today I had an appointment with my new psychiatrist and I downplayed my mental health problems so bad. That was my only chance to get help for a while and I completely messed it up. My next appointment is in 2 months but I seriously can’t wait that long. I need help but I’m stuck and I have no idea what to do. I’m 18 living with my parents so going to the ER isn’t really an option because my mom thinks I’m okay after hearing the results of today’s appointment. Someone please give me advice.
| 2 |
Is it normal to feel completely numb or bored all the time? Tw sh and medication
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So I've been taking medication (for depression anxiety and adhd) for about a year now, I mess up sometimes and forget to take it, but overall I've been pretty good about taking it. Yet on and off the medication I've been feeling fully just numb or bored all the time with little to no motivation to do anything at all, even things I normally would enjoy doing. I haven't been able to play games the same, listen to music or do anything at all really. But sometimes this helps me by making me so bored I decide I want to do my chores. The only difference when off the meds is I start acting unstable and depressed, is all i can describe it as and I even recently relapsed and SH'd in an attempt to feel ANYTHING. Bipolar runs in my family so i was thinking that was what it was, when i am off my meds. But im not of age to be dignosed or i think even start showing signs for it so i have no idea what this could be should I be worried?
| 1 |
Cat snatched my eye
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Sorry if this doesn't fit here idk where to put it my cat just snatched my eye and now there's a small red ball in it idk what to do I'm about to have a mental break down lol
| 1 |
Is it normal to be attached to inanimate objects?
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Um hi, idk rlly know how to start this lol. Main reason for this post is to make sure not going insane or something.
Basically the set up for my question is that I have anxiety (diagnosed but unmedicated) and find comfort in familiarity. I have also always had a big thing for textures as self soothing and so I pared it together when I was little into using the labels of plushies I own or blankets as a sort of fidget toy.
A year ago (when my anxiety felt at an all time high due to exam stress) i made “Larry” which is basically just a cut out of an old T-shirt and the label of a blanket sees together with button eyes. This stupid thing literally holds me together day in day out and it’s rare you find me without it when I’m in the house (or even sometimes out depending on the day or event)
I’m asking if it’s normal for somebody to be so attached to a literal wad of fabric because not even 15 minutes ago I walked out of my room and back in. I walked out with the “Larry” and in without. I then spent 10 minutes searching my path while sobbing because i convinced myself I had put it in the bin. Turns out it was on the floor. Right at my feet.
Now I feel really stupid that I had a full on cry session because I lost sight of it for a slither of time and I want to know if this is normal? Should I try to “wean” myself off it? Or is it good that I have found a healthy coping and managing tool? Where should I draw the line between healthy and dependant?
this was a bit random sorry 😅
| 2 |
Severely depressed…..
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First post on reddit as a whole.
I’m 25 almost 26. I’m a mother to two. I’ve been through a lot in my life. A lot of trauma. I almost don’t believe in karma bc of what I went thru since I was a small child.. all the way til now. It’s like the pain and trauma is back to back. I can’t escape. I’ve been abused in every way possible. I have no genuine friends bc I have ptsd and severe anxiety, and when I finally try to get out there I feel like I mess it up bc I’m so scared and paranoid from betrayal, I run away from people. What did i do wrong to deserve the pain I’ve dealt with?
I’m trying so hard to be enough for everyone. I’ve always been in service to everyone. I was basically a servant for my siblings and parents.. I have no childhood. I’m trying to cope by collecting things I wish I had as a kid and everyone judges me for collecting dolls and anime figures but it makes me happy. It’s the only thing that makes me feel happy other then my kids.
Everytime I express how I feel everyone gets mad and turns on me. Everytime I express how I feel I have my trauma and illness thrown in my face as if I chose this. When I say this I say it as in standing up for myself after getting picked on for too long.
Half of the month I have a migraine. It’s so often no one cares to consider giving me a break. I constantly clean, cook, and keep everything together. I have only just stopped working to be home with the kids since we can’t afford childcare. And before that I did everything and cared for the kids still while working 45+ hour weeks.
I feel like I’m not safe anywhere. I feel like I can’t speak to anyone about how I feel. I can’t vent to anyone or seek help. I often feel undeserving of love and help. I feel worthless, I feel like I am all of the things I endured. Im so tired of suffering and my brain attacking itself nonstop. I’ve tried therapy, I’ve tried medications (still on them they work as best as anything else..), I’ve tried speaking to someone and every time I was used as gossip. I feel so trapped and alone. I always feel so alone.
I lost my job due to health issues, and being so depressed after having my baby 8 mo ago. Constant stress of financial issues and almost losing my home and car. No family to live with. I have family, none of which would allow me to stay. Im a failure. Im supposed to be an artist, I feel it’s not enough. I feel ugly. Dumb. I ruined my life by being groomed and molested.. I ruined my life by getting pregnant by an abusive rapist at 18. I ruined my life when my parent destroyed my credit with bills. I ruined my life when I allowed my friends to abuse me. I ruined my life by wanting to be loved bc my family never did.
Starting to feel like my partner hates me. He’s so tired of me
I really just want to end it all bc im so tired of feeling like this. Feeling so broken alone and hopeless. I always fall down after fighting to get up. I’m hurting daily everyday I constantly think about these things and it never ends. It’s torture. I just want to be at peace.
| 1 |
Just found out my mom put me up for adoption when I was born ,but was forced to go back and get me , should I be upset ?
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I just found out unwarranted from my auntie that my mom had put me up for adoption when I was born for clarification I'm 25 and have a daughter now, and the only reason she went back and got me was because she was forced and told too , idk how I should feel me and mom already have a love and hate relationship as it is and we recently just had a argument over the phone no longer on speaking terms , I'm homeless leaving outside my van and honestly I don't have any emotions on this subject I been thru so much in my life I feel like I should have some kind of anger or animosity towards the way wrongful way she raised me ,yet everyday I worry bout her and her health worry if shes doing okay mentally but now with this new information idk if I even look at her the same .....to put me up for adoption that maybe made sense as to why I gotten beat all my life by her maybe she resented me to the fact she was forced to go back and raise me , I don't think I can believe in the sentence I love you from my mom ever again , not like she told me I found out from my aunt
| 1 |
I am not Jewish, but I have dated a few Jewish men. I've never met a Jew until I was 20. Two things I have noticed: intelligence and extreme neuroticism. As far as the brains: bravo! But the neuroticism...
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Why? It seems to be genetic. Whenever I have brought the subject, people have said it's because of Jewish mothers, but I feel like it's deeper than that because two of these men did not have overbearing mothers and they were Jewish. Fear and trepidation and conjuring up complicated issues where there weren't any. Things that should've been simple they made difficult. That Woody Allen character in Annie Hall seem to be spot on. I never saw this in any other group of people so consistently.
Also, I need to add this is a genuine inquiry and I do not mean any disrespect towards anyone. One man in particular I fell deeply in love with, but the neurotic way he dealt with conflict which arises in any relationship made it untenable. Just genuinely curious about any evidence based research anyone might have about the mental health of the Jewish people.
| 0 |
Fucking fuck. Cant sleep.
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19m
I have low selfesteem. I am ugly. And I am pretty sure no woman will find me attractive enough to be considered a partner.
Anyway
Tonight I really dwelled deeper into these thoughts, questioned them, challenged them… tried to have positive outlook.
Yet. It feels like this dark cloud or a bubble surrounds my head, and I cant escape it.
Like I could turn on my pc and play video games but why? Its only coping, a temporary solution.
Youtube, listening to music…they provide only a short distraction. FUCK I feel stuck in my own head.
Is my mental health finally deteriorating? Finally free from these chains?
| 4 |
Need some advice
|
So their was this girl that I had dated back when I was younger. I didn’t end with her on good terms, no cheating involved or anything like that but it just wasn’t a good breakup for her. So after awhile we reconnected and ended up trying again and it again didn’t end well. Couple years go by she gets married, I get married, both of us end up getting divorced. So fast forward to today we literally just started talking again. I always saw her as the one that I let get away because when we were dating it was the best relationship I ever had and she felt the same way. We both just clicked so well, we’d go on long walks at night, talk through the night and it was truly magical. So I’ve always had a special place for her in my heart. Is their something their or is my brain and heart just wanting something to be their
| 1 |
I feel like I should just end it now before life gets any worse
|
I don’t know where to start, I just feel unlovable. My dating life is nonexistent, everybody I know has had all these romantic experiences with people and I have to hear about them. I’ve had nothing.
I was close once though, I was talking to this girl and we both really liked eachother, then one day she just broke it off with me. That amplified my suffering, it went from just something that was frustrating that I thought would improve to who I am now. I cry almost daily, all I can think about is how she could’ve been it and now she’s gone
I go out with friends, I have a job, I try not to tell myself negative things, I try to stay busy, I’m still miserable. I want therapy but my mom is an unmotherly asshole that thinks I’m overdramatic and that it’s because I look at my phone. One time I mentioned suicide to her and she said it sounded like I was blackmailing her
People tell me “it gets better after highschool!” (I’m 17), but I’ve seen plenty of cases where it just didn’t. I don’t want to wind up like that, but I never get what I want in life, so I feel doomed. It’s comforting to know that I can just end it, it’s scary too, but I know it’s for the best. Hopefully my mom is who finds me, so she can at least finally understand.
| 1 |
Can people relate or is this a bit oddball? Work switching from inside my head to outside my head and vice versa?
|
This could be a totally normal thing, but I don't know how to ask it amongst people I know in case it is a bit 'unique' aka crazy.
Once I am in my head, living in the world there, I really struggle with switching back to real life and present time. And once I am engaged in conversation or whatever in the outside world, I really struggle to switch back to thinking inside my head.
Is this a common occurrence for people? Like living in two different worlds - your inner world and your outer world? And it is exhausting switching back and forth?
| 1 |
I think I need help
|
A few minutes ago I forgot almost everything and I'm scared it took me a long time to even remember my name and that's because of my username on YouTube but I don't remember my parents names I don't remember my house i don't remember if I have pets of not but I'm scared and I don't know if anything serious is happening to me
| 1 |
What's the difference between being depressed and not working hard enough to feel better?
|
I know this is no medical diagnosis, but I'm confused and I feel weird.
Like I can smile, and laugh at stuff and still be useful, when I'm around people I'm okay but in private I feel a little odd, and I just quiet my mind and try to look around and everything and I'm... I don't know what to feel.
Maybe if I went out or had a job, I'd feel better, maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe if I made the effort to go to bed on time and sleep more instead of taking a Ritalin and staying up all night you'd feel better. I'm almost afraid of doing it, of getting a good night's sleep because if I do, and I do feel better then maybe I'm not actually depressed maybe I'm just irresponsible and I just had to be responsible more, but it sounds so daunting and I keep breaking and breaking that promise. I'm just not doing the stuff I have to do?
I have all day to do nothing, but I'm not sure if doing something will make me feel better either, because I can smile, I can feel happy then what's stopping me? Or I'm afraid of feeling good because I'll feel bad later? Or I'm afraid of feeling good because then I won't have a reason to mope? I don't know.
My psychiatrist said that I'm resilient, that I don't give up, bit maybe I'm a coward. But maybe I'm not resilient, just not brave enough to just give up already. I don't know how to say I feel bad, because people are going to treat me like I'm just a little sad, but I don't feel sad, because sadness can come and go for a specific reason, this has no reason except me and if I can feel better then I can control it it's not depression, so if it's not depression, then what is it?
| 3 |
Putting my childhood dog down
|
Hi, I'm normally not the kind to take to the internet for support, but tonight my childhood dog who has been slowly going blind and deaf over the 12 years we've had her. Earlier tonight she showed my family just how far her senses had gone when she bit one of my younger family members. Tomorrow my father and I will be taking her to the vet to be euthanized and cremated, and more so I'm just looking for support, I feel like my hands are in need of something to punch. Any advice on how to healthily deal with my emotions would be greatly appreciated.
| 1 |
I'm just really tired of it all
|
Idk, my mental health has never been great but this isn't it. I'm just tired of it all. Myself, my family, my work, even stuff I uses to enjoy.
I don't feel good and I haven't felt good in a while. I just don't know how long I can keep going. I don't have the energy to deal with any of it. I'm losing the energy to wake up un the morning, to talk to friend, to even eat.... I don't really feel hungry for anything, most of the time I'm just chewing it and I just don't even want to swallow it. How can someone who is barely doing anything in he's life doesn't have the will and energy to eat. I don't want to feel this way but I don't think that I can stop. Yes I know stuff won't magically get better. I know that you need to start doing something for it to chance but I just don't have it in me anymore. I rather just count my days then at this point. I don't think I have much time left. It's not like I haven't got help, that I haven't tried. The help the world gets isn't what is needed. You do this program, you do that program, you go talk to this person and that person, and if that doesn't work.... well you're just going to suck it up. Idk I'm just ranting about it but I just can't do it anymore. It's just a matter of time at this rate...
| 3 |
seeking advice for s/a situation
|
hey y’all, reaching out to see if anyone knows of a similar situation and/or has advice on this.
an friend of mine (mid 20s) had what seems to be a repressed memory show up out of nowhere. the memory was of his father sexually assaulting him when he was around 8 years old.
the memory was vivid and it wasn’t triggered by anything specific. it had a lot of pain attached to it and felt very real, but he is doubting it’s validity for many reasons.
he talked to all of his siblings and none of them have had a similar experience, and his father has never shown any signs of this kind of behavior before. also, my friend has anxiety and struggles with intrusive thoughts/dreams often.
he doesn’t know what to do. it’s affecting his relationship with his father and he hasn’t talked to his father about it. we don’t know wether to take the memory as reality or not.
we feel like it’s either real and his mind has repressed it and he’s doubting it’s validity now out of denial, or that it’s a symptom of his anxiety/intrusive thoughts.
his therapist is equally confused and reached out to colleagues about the issue, to which no one has had a similar experience.
has anyone dealt with something like this? does anyone have advice ?
thank you so much, i know this is heavy subject matter.
| 1 |
Going back on SSRI?
|
Looking for thoughts on going back on an SSRI. I was on Zoloft for 5 years and have been off it for 5 years. When I started Zoloft I don’t know what I was expecting but it had a clear effect. I suddenly felt at ease. I was able to sit in a room with people and not be thinking of how to leave. I could drive without fear of a panic attacks. I did have some sexual side effects and I don’t think I cried much at all, but I felt confident in myself.
Although I was in therapy while on Zoloft, I didn’t do much work. When I went off all my usual anxious tendencies returned. I started seeing a great therapist, but I’ve never been able to get that sense of ease and confidence while on the drug. I now manage my anxiety well, but it is a constant, exhausting struggle. I don’t know if it has to be this way. Thinking of going back on the drug. Thoughts?
| 2 |
Dealing with emotions at work.
|
Today I work I was scheduled at customer service and do not feel like i have been properly trained for this since i was hired and trained as a cashier. I had several problems because i didn’t know how to do the things that customers wanted me to do. I would try to get ahold of help and no one would pick up. People were getting frustrated with me and I didn’t know what to do. Once my lunch break rolled around, I cried and cried. I felt like such an idiot and so stupid. I felt like it was my fault for people getting upset with me. I took it personal. When asking other coworkers about the times they’ve cried about work they said it was more because of anger so they were more outwardly upset( so like they were upset with another person). However I get upset inwardly( i get upset with myself). I feel like i’m always the problem. Why is this? How can I fix it?
| 1 |
I don't feel safe
|
I've been sleeping all day and i just woke up, i have this feeling of panic in my chest and i can't get rid of it, so many things happening, so many doubts, so many thoughts, i don't feel safe in my own skin, there's always something attacking me, something in my mind or body, but i can't escape what's inside me, i can't get away of it no matter how much i try, how far i come, there will always be something wrong inside of me, i can't, i can't escape what's damaging me because it's part of me, i can't get rid of it.
I don't want to be like this, i just want to be in peace, but that's the only thing i can't get and nobody understands it, nobody understands that i can't separate myself from this, i'm getting attacked all the time, everyday, and nobody sees it, it leaves me being weak, but i can't do anything about it, not by myself, not anymore, i think i've done everything i could to help myself, i need help from another one, i've been thinking about it a lot and mmaybe that's what i need, i'm tired of having to pretend that i'm fine cause i'm not, maybe staying in a psychiatric hospital would help me, at least i wouldn't have to put up an act in there, maybe it would help to be apart from this society for a time, maybe there will be people willing to help me, maybe it would be a good thing for me.
| 1 |
Why do I do this
|
So the past year once or twice a week I will get breakfast after work but I will always order too much food and it’s like 2000 calories and I know it’s too much but I just cannot help myself lately I’ve been trying to stop but recently I’ve been getting so stressed and anxious like the feeling I need to go and I know I shouldn’t but it’s making me feel so weird like I feel so stressed why it should be that deep surely
| 1 |
What would you do if you only had 17 days left alive?
|
You have little money, I mean little. Enough for like 10 normal pizzas.
Father kicked you out from home, you are battling with treatment resistant clinical depression completely unmotivated, only sleeping, taking meds. Mother died by her own hands, only one to rely on to is your Father who gave you 17 days left and you have to move out. No relatives, no friends.
You have no motivation to do anything. No work. No eat. No pee. No sh\*t.
There's no one else to blame, and you're guilty all the same, all the same.
17 days to live. What would you do?
| 24 |
Single mother need inpatient treatment treatment that I can bring child to
|
Please god someone help me.
Need to find mood disorder- ptsd- depression inpatient that I can bring my child with me. :(
I have clinical depression ptsd anxiety insomnia for 20 years now. I am a single mother with no support system. I was keeping afloat for a few years pushing thru. My kids are all that matters to me. My depression my whole life was absolutely crippling. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t take care of myself. I have done electro shock therapy, I’ve had bouts of horrible substance use, I was hospitalized for mental health at one point probably 10 times within 2 years. I have horrible PTSD from being kidnapped and raped. My pregnancy was extremely traumatic the whole 9 months & then I basically died during deliver as well. I was in ICU on a vent and no drugs could knock me out so it was traumatic once again.
My baby girl is doing amazing. 2 years old. I have pushed all of my problems aside for so long as more horrible traumatic events have piled on, too many to list. I kept staying strong for my girls. I have hit my breaking point. I desperately need inpatient treatment for depression. I need to bring my baby. I see options for substance use family places, but I do not need that (although I’m willing to go if they accept me)
PLEASE someone help me. Anywhere. I am on Medicaid right now bc I work part time since I have no support. I could get Medicaid in another state or anything I need to do. I will get another insurance policy. Anything. Please. I am so scared.
| 1 |
Crying has never felt this nice
|
I am, by no means, a happy or optimistic person.
I’m just a burned out introvert who hasn’t been able to take care of herself properly in almost four to five years.
An I’ve just been laying awake in bed sobbing, just me and my noise cancelling headphones and whatever song comes on the random playlist I found on Spotify.
And where usually I’d fall into this trap of:
Thought A to Thought B to Oh God what am I doing with my life I feel like a failure.
I’ve spent the last hour feeling happy and hopeful and actually aspiring to be more social.
Actually aspiring to take care of myself.
And just generally letting myself feel hopeful and feel good about myself.
I know this has no bearing on anyone else’s life but I’m very proud of myself for, if just for now, tuning out that voice in the back of my mind that tells me I’ll never be good enough.
I rarely ever feel like this and it’s a lot of feelings for me so I’m going to try and get some sleep now but I just wanted to share this one small accomplishment.
| 2 |
Quite desperation...so tired of it.
|
You know, it's funny how we all go through life thinking that no one really cares about the inner struggles and silent battles we face on a daily basis. We live in this constant state of quiet desperation, putting on a brave face while concealing our true emotions behind closed doors. Sometimes it feels like we're swimming against the current, desperately longing for someone to notice and reach out a helping hand. But more often than not, everyone seems so consumed by their own worries and problems that they fail to notice the pain etched across our faces. It makes you wonder if empathy has become an endangered species in this fast-paced world of ours. So yes, as much as it may sound pessimistic or jaded, there is indeed an unsettling truth to the notion that no one truly cares about our quiet desperation; we've grown accustomed to living with it all on our own.
| 1 |
Im scared of becoming like my family
|
Context | My father, Brother and Sister have NPD. Mom has OCD/BPD. Now I of course have personal views on personality disorders that are far more nuanced than the average person as I am diagnosed with BPD. But my family members have been unstable to say the least. And with this instability and abuse came a form of coping mechanism that has become increasingly difficult to manage and emotionally handle.
I’ve become obsessive with the shame and guilt about the actions I once did and the actions I still do and the thoughts I think internally. I am such a piece of shit. Genuinely I am. I may have improved temper wise I can’t help but look at all the fucking narcissism and toxicity and just think. What am I doing this for. This aversion to my own grey moral compass is one of fear. A deep fear. And I am running so hard and sometimes I do bad shit. And I still repeat shit, I still act callous, histrionic, narcissistic, possessive, arrogant and sociopathic.
I want to make it clear I trying so hard, I put myself on schedules, I try supporting venting people online, I’m trying to learn coping skill. I wake everyday with the self hatred knowing I fucking emotional abuse someone I “loved” for a fucking reason of which was too busy lying to myself. I hold so much drive and yet I slip constantly. And that is the scariest part. I
If I cannot change, I will not live essentially. I hate myself more than anything else💀
| 1 |
Tell me this is normal cause I am going bananas!
|
It all started when I was around 14-15 year old in 2016 and just keeps on getting worse as I am getting older. Initially I was obsessed with clear skin because every other girl in my school had that but I had bad skin and dark circles.
Then due to social media, I became anxious of my big, pointy nose, stopped frowning so as to not get forehead wrinkles.
Now it's gotten to a point where I am just anxious about every other thing on my body. Some of instance are, fine lines around my collar bone and neck lines due to sleeping positions, smile lines, under eye lines, stomach lines due to belly fat, lined around my knee area, dark under eyes, dark knees and elbows.
It's too stressful, I can't take it anymore, nothing seems to help and I can't afford treatments right now.
Maybe it'll help to know that these lines are normal on the body at this age and that maybe others are going through the same as well.
| 1 |
I’m only 18 is I’ve been through too much.
|
I don’t even know where to start I have had not such a great life, I know I’m only 18 but I’m so mentally exhausted
| 19 |
No Joy anymore
|
A year ago I can honestly say I was one of the most fit and mentally healthy people I know of have known. I’m am a shell of that person now and have no want to continue life. After meeting what I thought may have been someone I was going to marry or Atleast spend the next few years of my life with it was ripped away and I have no reason to believe anyone will ever love me if she didn’t. The chemistry that her and I had does not come around often and for whatever reason she decided I was not the one , makes me believe it is my destiny to be alone forever. I think everyday about ending my life but know how hard it would be on my loved ones. But I’m really running out of hope..
| 1 |
My life is falling apart
|
So i 32M left home to chase an opportunity because my wife 31F and I were struggling so bad financially and i also had a mental break. She doesnt work because she's disabled, so now almost a year later I'm 1500 miles away and i found out she's cheating on me, my house is trashed, my bank account is basically empty. I dont have kids with her but she doesn't see her kids anymore and mostly blames it on me because "i left her and it broke her". Which isn't the case at all. I thought id be making enough money for them to come visit often enough and nothing worked out how i intended. I'm laying here awake with no one to talk to. I'm just really alone right now. What should I do?
| 56 |
Couple struggling
|
My husband is struggling with passive suicidal thoughts related to unhappiness with work, finances, and overall low self confidence. I have tried to be kind and supportive but this has taken an extreme toll on my mental health. I often feel like I have to be the “rock” while he has breakdowns. Any advice or ideas? I love him so much and hate that he’s feeling this way. FYI, we are both medicated and seeing therapists.
| 2 |
I don’t know what to do anymore…
|
I’m 27 I got laid off earlier this year from a toxic job. I’m not struggling financially but I feel so stuck. I’ve been trying to get out of this rut by applying to jobs that I don’t even want because I just need a job. But constant rejection after rejection I feel hopeless.
My girl broke up with me earlier this week because she didn’t feel the “spark”. Every relationship I’ve been in I’m always the dumpee and it makes me feel like I’m not good enough for love. She was the only thing that was keeping my positive mood up and now she’s gone. I don’t have any friends to talk to and all of this is so overwhelming.
I feel like dying because what’s the point anymore…
| 2 |
I’m suicidal and broke. How the hell do I get help for my mental health?
|
As far as I know I can’t afford any treatment. I want to see a therapist or something long standing to work out me my issues.
My wife and i work full time with a kid at home and live paycheck to paycheck. How would I even find the time for help? So many of these places only are open the same exact hours I work!
I feel so lost. Are there any answers for me other than dying
| 3 |
I feel hopeless and damaged, I feel like I can't blend in and live a normal life
|
I feel strange. I don't know if I could have a disorder or something like that. It seems like I can't fit in life or function as others, I feel that there are very few things that produce something for me, inside me. I think I've been depressed maybe for a long time but I don't see how medication could help if the problem is not my thoughts and In general, I feel that they come from the world and everything outside, everything that any person faces on a daily basis or in their routine. Sometimes I feel like hurting myself, I have realized that sometimes I seek adrenaline, sometimes I want to do something dangerous or have thoughts of suicide. With the suicide of the person with whom I wanted to formalize, I think it has gotten even worse and I am in a black void far from everything. I feel apathetic to many things and to the future. I hate to think about that I must get ahead in life and the idea of getting old now I hate it completely, it seems agony to live or exist. The only way in which I have managed to filter what I feel or my violent impulses It has been through sexual activity in a certain way. Sometimes I feel like those women who are labeled as nymphomania or crazy, that stereotype of attitudes. Write about this in a broader way but it was removed. When I speak or mention this, I do it because I don't understand why I feel that way and it's annoying. It's also humiliating that they think it's just random stuff and I'm not asking for help or having trouble with my mental health. Sometimes I think that I resist looking for a way to destroy myself or that I seek to do it in a more contained way. I feel decadent like a drug addict. I have many things above me. I feel as if I had carried a wire in my hands and when the suicide of the person with whom I saw my future occurred, it came loose and curled up into a large ball of thorns. I have been through and felt a lot, I don't know what's wrong with me. It is very hard to believe that I can feel like a normal individual or at least function like one. I've always felt outside and I'm honest I don't really like people or families. I have always been an outcast. It's like that line about being an alien where people go through something as a teenager, they tell you it's normal but you never stop feeling that way. You grow but only your body and your years don't change how you feel inside. There are people I admire who have committed suicide and their work reveals ways similar to what I feel, I fully understand why they had that ending or why they did certain things. I would like the body to be able to self-destruct when it feels like it can't take it anymore. I wish parents had eaten me at birth like animals do. There is a book called "no longer human" I wante to read it I wonder if I could find something similar to that strange sensation of being oblivious/detached to everything. I have never had validation for the way I feel at any stage of my life.
| 1 |
Online psychiatry?
|
I was very curious if anyone here has had any good experiences with online psychiatry?
Was it expensive? did you have to fight to be understood?
Where should I go? I got a referral from my GP but the place had been closed for a year lol... it has been an absolute mess trying to find someone near me IRL... I'm so tired and I feel like I've been fighting for so long. I'm so tired. So I don't want to self diagnose, but I'm pretty sure I have some sort of ADHD or autism, depressive disorder and DEFINATELY anxiety something or another.
If anyone can just give me a recomendation on something online? That isn't afraid to give medication to people who need it. Not saying I do keep finding websites that say they don't refer stimulants, or "Hard" drugs lol just, jfndhbkdjfsnbkjnoj
Thank you.
| 1 |
I lost interest in everything in life, so I have absolutely no reason to be alive.
|
My life recently just became meaningless.
I do not, and have never lived in the moment. It's always the future that keeps me going- And I'm always looking for the next best thing to give me motivation. It's a good coping mechanism to deal with my pointless existence and for the most part, it worked up until now.
I just cannot find a reason to feel joy in my life.
I'm not actively looking to die or anything- but it feels pointless to be living too. I thought that after I lost interest in my last thing, there'd be something else. No. I'm just kind of existing now.
I could try to "glow up", because I'm not happy with the way I look. But I don't really know how I wanna look. I like my interests but they don't fill the void for long enough. I do activities like a normal person but it doesnt satisfy me. I am bored, bored, bored. I don't even want to travel, which I thought was a lifetime dream of mine.
I'm not even lonely. If anything, I'm spending a lot *more* time with people. But whether I'm alone or being social, the feeling of nothing still lingers deep inside me and I can't put a finger on the reason as to why this happened.
I don't feel excitement for anything and I'm really confused and scared that the feelings of joy will never return. Please help me, reddit, because I don't know what im gonna do otherwise.
| 2 |
i'm stuck and don't know what to do about my severely fluctuating self esteem
|
like i said, my self esteem has been fluctuating so much lately its been genuinely impairing my mood to the point that i've almost relapsed several times. people aren't giving me what i need and what i need isn't even fully clear to me but i need something more or else i'm gonna end back up in the psych ward again.
edit: it also doesn't help that i just deleted two accounts that i would use to get validation from people on the internet in an attempt to better myself but it's just been more detrimental on my mental health without them. i know it's pathetic but i rely way too much on external validation to keep up my self esteem (it's really the only thing that gives me any sense of self worth in general. which i know is bad but it's just how i am). i can't get the accounts back and i'm missing the attention and its affecting me but i'm stuck with this. i know attention from random people isn't gonna make everything go away, but it helps ease whatever feeling is inside of me.
| 1 |
Please help, advice me please
|
My sister keeps walking in circles and I'm scared she might harm herself.
She keeps saying she has another her inside of her who threatens her and doesn't allow her to be happy, she says "that" her yells at her, attacks her, insults her and overall belittles her all the time, she is an overachiever, she is top student at some prestigious med school she is very sensitive but when a patient dies she literally wants to stab herself, she gives way too much for her patients and cares way too much, she starves herself and is constantly punishing herself for tiny little mistakes, I don't know how to help her I beg her to go therapy but she doesn't want to.. what can I do?
| 1 |
Fakeness and injustice.
|
You don't care about my best interests. You care about how I make you feel. I'm that awkward person in your life. I'm that outcast that makes your group a little uncomfortable. Tell me to act a little different. I will. That shell in your life will morph to whatever will please you. Tell me to put on a show. What else do you want me to do? I don't know what I am after all.
What's your wisdom of the world? To pretend to be this and that and this and that? Why don't you show me how to act? You project to me your own awkwardness instead. You project your own incompetence instead. Your own stupidity, your own ignorance. New brains don't need a lecturer, they need a role model. Parents, in other words. Instead of telling me how to navigate thru your own awkwardness and incompetence in the world, show me your competence. If you're a fraud, figure those demons out before getting to work in the bedroom. Talk to people how you ought to talk to people and I'll see that.
How many of you are just actors? How many people are actually real? I realize that I don't know what matters to me. Until I figure that out, I don't feel like it's necessary to put on a show for you. I'm not an angry person, but if being real looks like being angry, then maybe I am. idk. There isn't hate in me, but I perfectly understand how it manifests in people. I don't know if strong emotions are just a form of cognitive dissonance or if I'm overthinking things. I hope you all find peace. I don't have the answers.
Are there good self-help books about these things? It's hard for me to know what exactly I'm looking for. Books aren't exactly real-world demonstrations. Maybe it's what I need. idk anymore.
| 1 |
Inescapable burnout
|
I've come to a point in life where I can't feel adequate in the present. I wasted 20 years of my life. A few years ago I decided to change my reality by dedicating myself to my work and studies, but with this I just noticed how far I am from the point of finding effective, actual comfort in my life. My job is not enough, my skills are not enough, I am not enough. I fail interview after interview, challenge after challenge and I feel no progress at all. I know my competitors are doing what I should while I rest and stealing the place I sacrifice my entire body, mind and soul to be in. Almost dying in an accident didn't help as well, which makes me even more scared for the future. Scared of dying before I find what I look for. I feel like I need to save the time I lost. I can't feel happy and I can't rest until I achieve my goals, because I cannot live a single moment of peace without the thought that I still haven't achieved them. My family and friends tell me every day that I should live in the present, not think about my failures, enjoy the process, but to me, not thinking about or acting towards the goal I haven’t achieved during every waking moment is impossible. Life seems just too short.
| 1 |
I just don’t think I handle my brain
|
I just can’t do any of it anymore. I’m so lonely. I don’t make a difference in anyone lives. I just don’t matter. Nothing matters. I feel like my brain just keeps beating me up with so much negativity. I just don’t know how to get my brain to stop saying all of the mean things.
| 1 |
really pissed off and trapped mentally 17M
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Past four years I've been on and off in really shit places and last year went to a cliff to take my life twice but the gut feeling kicked in and I left both times. I'm not going to kill myself any time soon but I just know that either that or some sort of stupid overdose is gonna be my death. I'm trapped cus I'm on accutane right now and if I tell my parents about my feelings they will think it's the accutane side effects. I understand I should just tell them but I've held off from telling from for 4 years so I think I can easily wait another year. I've been self harming recently more than ever in more creative and less-showing ways like laying on my bed and dropping my water bottle on my head. My anger has reached a peak, always getting pissed off at everything around me and the little things. My workload at school has increased suddenly and I'm gonna spend my summer worrying about all that. And then I have that daunting feeling of the future which will be incredibly hard and pointless. I don't even feel real half the time in life and I'm so empty. I also say dumb shit around my friends by accident which makes me feel worthless. And here I am again on reddit venting like I was 4 years ago, I haven't changed or matured one bit. fucks sake.
| 3 |
I hate my life and the stupid choices I made
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I know im a piece of shit. Theres no denying it. Im not trying to throw a pity party for myself, as my mother always says. But I know im a dickhead. Ive lied to people alot and have manipulated people at time when im super desperate. I just want to end it all. I was diagnosed with anxiety at 13 in 7th grade after leaving my sucide attempt note out in the public hoping somebody would notice that im struggling. They noticed, but my family did not react in a good way. When I was taken to the mental ward, I was pulled into a room where I had a phone call with my mom and one of my brothers. They said why, why would I want to do such a dumb thing. And i had no words for them, all i could say was sorry. The day I got out my mom and I went to go pick up my brothers from soccer practice, and instead of being happy I was home, they told me not to talk to them, and told me to shut up when I said hey. And I dont blame them for that. I was bullied alot as a kid for my following of islam, my big nose, and my super skinny body. So my confidence isnt really the greatest and I have really bad anxiety, so I didnt have the balls to tell them off. A few months went by with no problems after being released, and one day me and my mom got into an argument after driving downtown. And she said something that would always stay in the back of my mind anytime I look at her. She said "None of my other sons wanted to kill themselves, why do you have to the one who wants to" she realized her mistake when I started crying and only looking out the window. She tried to apologize but as I was 14 I accepted her apology fairly quickly after a few days. The next event to occur was actually only 1 year ago. I was arrested. I always felt like Id have to buy love and give people items in order for them to like me. And so I got a job at Walmart as my parents wanted me to be self dependent. Only a few months after being hired, I stole 4.4k worth of electronics. I was caught, and I told the police everything. I was booked and charged with Grand Theft. A 3rd degree felony. I was lampooned by my family and they never forgave me. I don't blame them for that as they shouldnt have to. I was later put on probabtion and had to pay the 4.4k I stole (im still paying them to this day) I began having suicidal thoughts again and would always hear voices in my head, screaming at me in the night and sometimes in the day. They still haunt me now. I began doing volunteer work to become a better person in society, and the people loved me there. I got another job at a CVS in order to gain the money I needed to pay off the government. But my parents still yelled at me for the dumb things I did. I would go out past curfew sometimes when id be with my friends and I wouldn't realize it was past 8pm (my curfew was 8pm-6am) I would apologize but they would still insult me and while I know its just a normal punishment, insults always last in the back of my mind. I always remember them and the tone in the peoples voices whenever the called me these names. Maybe im just a pussy, who knows. Before I was arrested id always try to work out and get into shape, but I never managed as my father and mother never liked driving me to the gym. And its very hard for me to gain weight as my parents dont like spending money on my food, even though ill I ask for is the basic foods such as rice, vegetables, beef or chicken, milk, and eggs. Theyd rather spend their money on other stuff, which I dont blame them for as its their hard earned money. Since I could never gain the lean mean frame I wanted, but be able to get very good lifts in the gym, id have lots of self doubt. The only thing I have confidence in myself for is boxing. After watching the first influencer boxing match in 2018, I began learning how to box, and now im pretty good at it and confident in myself when im in the ring. All I wanna do in my life is boxing. But my mother wants me to become a nurse since thats what she always wanted to be. But all i love the most is boxing. I love helping people and giving them a smile on their face. But I wanna be able to do my dream. Recently I was actually put onto my first ever small creator boxing match, which will be happening in September. But my mother will not allow me to go. This is the chance of a life time and its one of the bigger small creator boxing company's. If I win my fight, id be able to fight on bigger boxing cards and actually make money from what i love. Why cant she just support me on my dream. Everyone tells me to follow my dreams, but she says she supposedly "cares" about me. She said if I goto the boxing match then shell "call the police and have you arrested for being a runaway" I just want my mom to support me. I dont care about what everyone else thinks. I just want her to tell me that ill be the best of the best. I just want my mom to like me. I know ive made dumb choices, but I just want my mom to like me and support my dream. I dont care about anything else at all. I just want my mom by my side when im at the top. Why cant my family just like me. I just hate my life. Everything about it. Ive cried so much that I cant even fucking cry anymore. I fucking cant cry anymore. I dont even know how to process emotion. I can laugh, but it wont be funny to me. I can be in love, but I wont feel it. I had a girlfriend a few months ago and I took her on the best dates to places she likes. But she still broke up with me. It didnt help in trying to process my emotions. I hate everything about me in general. People say im a great guy but I fucking hate myself. Everyone talks about me like im a clown. But I fucking hate it. Hopefully I can turn everything around. But I just want to be able to feel again.
| 1 |
First day of fevarin
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Yesterday morning I started taking 50mg of fevarin and after two hours I started to feel the collateral effect. I'm very tired and dizzy. Now it's 3:51 am I just woke up with anxiety I'm very scared of the collateral effects. I work and can't be tired in the morning. Can I stop it tomorrow morning and call the psychiatrist to ask what can I do?
| 1 |
I can not do this
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18m I’m suicidal and have lost all the urge to do anything I have friends who will leave me when I need them and completely ignoring the fact that I sat for ages listening to them vent just tell me that everything is going to be fine they don’t even reply I’m always left with I’m busy or left on seen . I’m tired on acting like I’m fine and that I have this really positive attitude I can not do this no more I’ve been telling myself that it’s all going to be ok and that it’s a bad day and not a bad life from the past 3 years but now when I think about it , it is a bad life . I can not do this anymore
| 2 |
My dad yelled at me over a bagel and I had a complete breakdown
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This morning my stepdad yelled at me over a bagel. He doesn’t like when people are in his space while cooking, but today I very casually asked to get through to toast a singular bagel. He mocked me and implied I was stupid for not going around to the other side of the counter/island.
Then my mom came in and he said something snarky, to which I said “you’re being a real asshole this morning” (I’m 19 btw). He proceeded to start yelling defensively and I just walked away as soon as I was done making my bagel. He yelled after me saying “wah wah wah” mocking me for being upset. I’m so tired of it. He yelled at me for no reason then mocked me for being upset. I think he’s emotionally abusive and I can’t wait to move out.
I couldn’t function at all today, because even though I don’t want to give a shit what he says to me, I do.
I got home today and no one was home except me. I screamed at the top of my lungs, wailed, sobbed, threw shit and collapsed on the floor. I have never done anything close to that, but I have so much resentment over him since I was a kid and I just can’t wait to have him out of my life. I lost control completely, but at least I feel a bit better now.
That’s all, thanks for reading.
| 2 |
It's just hopeless to keep on living...
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I feel beyond hopeless. All I want form life is for it to finally end. Nothing makes me happy. I don't want anything from it and all I do is sit here and wait to die.
I just wish I wasn't such a coward and could actually kill myself. When will they finally make it legal to go euthanase yourself? Like literally nothing is done by keeping me alive but make me suffer more.
I don't know where to go or what to do. I've been to three different therapists in the past and even to a psychologist who put me on antidepressants and nothing helped. The therapists just told me therapy won't help me, the psychologist just gave me some stupid pills that did nothing to help me. She wasn't helpful at all and apart from this did absolutely nothing but make me feel worse. I didn't even feel comfortable to share anything with her and just left using some problems with my insurance that I had as an excuse.
So yeah, professional help even couldn't help me. What can even be done for me when I've lost all my hope. I don't know where to go. What am I even looking for anymore? It's clear as day the only solution to my problems is death. Why am I so useless to the point I can't even kill myself?
Because of the fact that I'm too stupid to even kill myself I've been desperately trying to find some other solution even go start therapy again but to be fair I don't know what I'm looking for. I was already told that therapy won't help me so what's the point of going a third time to get the same results? Even more I'm scared to pay too much (and everything seems to be too expensive) as I'm afraid it will be a total waste of money to get the same response.
To top it all off - I live in a country where therapy is hard to find as I don't speak the language fluently enough for that. Therapy in English is very limited and expensive and I feel as if I have used up all my recourses already.
Why can't I just finally die? Literally if I was told by someone that I'd die in two days I'll be begging them to make it one. Every morning I just feel more depressed by the fact that I didn't die in my sleep.
And you know what the worst part of all this is? That depression is all for nothing. No reason. Nothing bad ever happened to me to make me feel this way. It's just me creating my own problems. And that's actually the main reason why they are unsolvable - my brain is just determined to make them up for itself so there is nothing that can be done. It's literally me that is the problem. I need to be eliminated.
| 5 |
Entry level, part-time jobs in mental health?
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Looking for an entry level part-time MH jobs that I can get with a BS in Psychology. I've been searching for months now and it's so hard to find a position that would match these needs. What are some entry level jobs that I can look into? Remote would be my primary option as well since I am currently a student.
Any advice or recs are welcome.
| 1 |
I don’t feel any emotion sober
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Basically the title, unless I smoke weed I don’t feel any emotion, I’ve been worrying lately that I’m in the early stage of schizophrenia or something too since everything around me feels distant like I’m disconnected from reality. I feel sad sometimes but that’s it. Sober I struggle to formulate thoughts and do basic tasks, I’m basically non functional without weed, food tastes like nothing and I don’t enjoy anything. Thanks for reading :)
| 1 |
the worst vacation that drove me insane brought me to such a better mental space
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\- i made a post about this vacation before, if you wanna read how i felt [before](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14vy79y/this_vacation_that_was_supposed_to_help_my_mental/).
I put a lot of trust in this vacation, thinking i would love life again seeing all the amazing views and meeting new people. but it went horrible! so many things went wrong which brought me to a very dark state. I was suicidal before, but now i felt so stressed about staying alive that i popped so many veins!!
When we finally went back home after having to wait longer than supposed to, i cried so much of happiness. Because of how far i fell in life, i only looked at what i couldve had if i was strong and constantly dwelled on the past. But going to a different place where everything is different and worse, i finally saw how good my life is. Well it isn't really all that great on paper: i haven't been to school in years, my friends arent real friends, im a glass child, all i do is play videogames alone and sleep, but being back home from a shit place really changed me. I stopped trying to speed up time and found happiness in a lot of small moments. I haven't gotten happy from, just birds chirping in soooooo long!!
ofcourse, i dont think this fixes everything, but where my mental state is right now, it blew my mind. i hope this helps you.
| 5 |
I can’t deal with being an adult
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Over the past year or so I’ve becoming increasingly depressed from the idea I have to work for the rest of my life. I keep thinking I will get used to it but, every time I think about work, death seems to be a better option. I’ve had depression since highschool and every couple years increase my SSRIs prescription. I’m now on three different anti-depressants. I have been diagnosed with depression, GAD, ADHD, ADD, and dyslexia. School was so much easier for and now I can’t seem to keep a job within my degree. I’m losing hope everyday and am getting those thoughts again.
| 1 |
I feel horrible when I'm alone. I feel even worse when I talk to people.
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I feel horrible when I'm alone sometimes. I feel even worse when I talk to people. I have no friends but get overwhelmed as soon as even people online talk to me. I thought it was puberty but now i'm sure it's not. What's wrong with me?
| 1 |
Why don’t people check in on me?
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I read a quote the other day that said, “people like me don’t have people…we are the people that people have”. It hit home hard because I’m everyone’s go to person for all their troubles but I don’t have my own person.
Am I just better at acting like I’m ok even when I’m not, that people just don’t see the need to check in on me?
| 5 |
How can I make my life more bearable while depressed?
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M19. I’ve been trying to accept my lot in life. There isn’t a lot of depth to my question, I just want to know if anyone who has been through something similar has advice on how to make daily life more bearable. Thanks.
| 1 |
Turning 30
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Please don't tell me I'm the only one who turned 30 and feel lost a little.
| 1 |
Any experience with this?
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I recently got a prescription for Lexapro regarding my anxiety and depression. Have any of you used this before? And if so, do you mind sharing your experience and if it helped/ made things worse/ or just indifferent. Thanks
| 1 |
Advice Please
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Hi, I'm a 15 year old who was recently misdiagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. For a while I have struggled with my mental health and I now believe that I am not Bipolar, but I may potentially be borderline. I was diagnosed with Bipolar after experiencing a hypo/Manic episode (no one knows what to call it), and soon after I was put on Lamictal which I had a terrible reaction to. I'm now off of Lamictal and I'm back on SSRI's, but my mood is till off.
Majority of my life I have had odd relationships with people. I would become very obsessive and jealous when it came to best friends. I've lost a lot if friends because of my actions and I now try to avoid becoming too close with people, with the fear that I may ruin our relationship in the future. At the same time I kind of yearn for a closer relationship with someone but I'm scared.
My relationships aren't my only concern though. I've gotten complaints about my personality. People claim that I'm rude and narcissistic. I personally don't believe that I am narcissistic, but I'm not sure how to be nicer to people because I don't know what I'm doing wrong. It's hard to feel bad when I'm not sure what the problem is in the first place.
I'm too clingy, I'm overly sensitive, and my mood swings with occasional Hypomania is impossible to keep up with, and I'm starting to hate myself because of it.
On top of that I'm extremely paranoid constantly, and my mind Is plagued with intrusive thoughts.
I'm scared to bring this up with my therapist because I don't want to be misdiagnosed again. Are there any ways to cope with these issues? I'm tired of being myself, and I don't know how to cope.
| 1 |
My recent ex has finally agreed to therapy, and I am not sure the best way to help him without pushing him away. I’m afraid he has BPD.
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TL;DR: I’m worried someone very dear to my heart has borderline. He had been resistant to therapy for months, but finally agreed to it. I will be making the appointment(s). What sort of specific care should I seek for him that doesn’t push him away or stress him out? What do I say to him? I did not tell him I suspect borderline (and of course I could be wrong) - I just said I am worried about him and he needs help. And, what do I say to the therapist when I call to make the appointment?
———-
Yikes, this is a weird situation, and I’ve written it out a bunch but it’s always super long. I tried to keep it short (and it’s still kinda long 😔) - please ask if you have any questions.
So I convinced my recent ex to authorize me w/his insurance to make a therapy appointment for him. He is really struggling and I’m afraid he might have borderline, or something else. Regardless of whatever he has or doesn’t have, he needs help and treatment, and he is not capable of making appointments on his own. He is able to go to work, but otherwise is having trouble functioning (I do not think he is a danger to himself or anyone else).
What is the best course of action here? Should I make an appointment for a psychological evaluation? Should I start with a talk therapist and let the therapist figure it out? I haven’t told him I think he has borderline, all I said is I’m worried about him and he needs help.
I feel like I am walking on a tight rope here. We are on speaking terms, but it is very strained and very minimal. While we were dating, I thought he had an anger problem and I continually got really upset with him whenever he had outbursts (which was all the time), but it hit me after we broke up he might have a severe illness. Without going into too much detail, his behavior was very problematic and completely irrational.
To make things more complicated, he is incredibly angry at me because he feels I didn’t support him during his outbursts, and is currently incapable of seeing how his anger affected our relationship. So, this is obviously something I can’t really discuss with him in detail.
I’m extra worried because I probably won’t be able to support him throughout his therapy journey, and he does not have a strong support network. He is estranged from his family, and he keeps his friends at a distance. I am very worried he will quit therapy if he has an upsetting session.
Any advice is appreciated. FWIW I am currently in the process of also finding a therapist for myself - this has been difficult for me.
| 1 |
mental illness, messed up relationships, and feeling miserable, will it ever get better
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I suffer from bi-polar disorder, was a victim of sexual abuse, and am literally the worst when it comes to relationships. I literally don't know what to do anymore. When manic sex is all that matters. I got married to someone that I thought would be a stable normal relationship but we're like gas and fire. To make it worse I'm in a strange entanglement with a woman who also has bi polar messes with my mind and I can't quit because she's like a damn drug.
Day in and day out I'm miserable. Life sucks and I don't want to hurt myself but damn this shit sucks. I just want to feel normal.
I know everyone says hey it's easy leave you wife and take your meds but it isn't that easy
| 1 |
What do I do ?
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Look, I’m a young man trying to find out who I want to be in life but I feel so lost. I’ve lived my life with minimal friends because no one has ever really wanted to get close to me. I don’t have a social life because of my social anxiety. Some days I can’t get out of bed. I’m going through another depressive episode and I’m struggling to find a way out. I fear this might even be my last year here. Yet I feel I should conceal everything as I’m just a young man. I shouldn’t appear as weak or I’ll just be a ‘disappointment’. I’m tired of reliving this life. Please share some advice.
| 1 |
I don’t know what to do
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I don’t know what to do about my thoughts. I’m only 16, but life is kinda hard right now. My family just moved away from where we have been for the past two years, so I’ve left all my friends behind. I still talk and text them, but they’re busy hanging out with eachother usually. Being around my mom helps, but she goes to work at 8am and gets off at 5, then stays at the hospital until 10 or later. My aunt has cancer and is in critical condition, and it’s taking a toll on everyone. A lot of family drama.
I just feel so alone, like I seriously have no one. I’m constantly asking my friends if they care, they say they do but it’s hard to believe them. I’m starting to become mean because of how horrible I feel, I’m always snapping at my mom and siblings. I can’t help it. I don’t think it’s fair I have to be alive. I sit here everyday, all alone, and all I can think about is being dead.
The only adult I trust is my mom, but I don’t wanna burden her. I know it’s better to tell her and maybe have her help me, but I’m so scared. I really can’t work the courage up to. I don’t know what to do with myself, I feel like a ticking time bomb without much time left.
If anyone wants to help, do you know how I can work up the courage to tell my mom? I know she understands, she’s dealt with anxiety and depression, and my older brother was medicated for depression. I’m scared of being judged or looked at differently still, but I wanna be able to ask for help.
| 1 |
Please help
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Is there anyone here that would be willing to talk to me for just a little while? I’m going through a tough time and I’m completely alone. I’d be grateful for just a few words
| 5 |
Every day is worse
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The loneliness compounds day by day. What’s the point anymore. I used to think I would be fine being alone. Now I try to talk to people, show interest. Then I hear them talk about doing things over the weekend when I wasn’t invited. I can’t just invite myself. Maybe they just don’t know I really want to go. Maybe they don’t care. First thing I do when I get home is drink whiskey. I know it’s risky with mental illness, maybe I want that. Everyday I think about suicide. I used to recoil at the thought, it was intrusive, you’re not sad. Now I welcome it, I almost fantasize about it. The only thing keeping me going is imagining my family and friends reactions if I were to commit suicide. I imagine them sad and that makes me sad. But it helps me hold on. It should pass right? It should get better right? I’m only 24, I have my whole life ahead of me right? Why has my life been so horrible? My childhood was so much sadness and anger. I’m in a good situation. Why don’t I feel better? I’m still scared to die, but how long till Im not?
| 1 |
I’m done again
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I tried mentioning this but I can’t seem to find what I’m looking for on here much less I feel out of place and I don’t like that feeling so I’m going to say this they need to fix this app or I’m just gonna have to find another place to express myself better. I’m going back to Tumblr. If anyone wants to follow me there let me know but don’t cause drama I’ve had enough of that in my life.
| 1 |
Need help finding a home/facility for my mom
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Hi there, so I really don’t know the details of how something like this works or if it’s even possible but if anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. My mom suffers from PTSD, agoraphobia, anxiety, and depression. She can barely function as a person and is about to lose her home. I can’t support her financially and I’m trying to figure out how to help her. No matter how much I try to help her with advice (especially regarding her poor spending habits) or emotional support, it all seems for naught. My real question is this, are there options for like “homes” or mental health facilities or something like that where she can live. She needs help and I can’t give it. In terms of finances, she’s on permanent disability for her mental state, so if she needs to pay to live at a place like this, she can (I hope). Do places like this exist? Not like asylums but like care homes/facilities where she can live and get the help she needs? I have no idea where and how to look into this and I could really use some advice. If anything like this exists in the DMV area (where I live) or Delaware (where she lives) that would be immensely helpful. Thanks for taking the time to read.
| 1 |
I feel like there is something wrong with me
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I am in my early 20s. To be honest I did not think I would've survive that long, and maybe that is why I feel the way I do right now.
For context I have been depressed/emotionally unstable ever for the majority of my teenage years due to living in an abusive household and feeling pressure from social interactions and desperately trying to fit in since I wasn't that well liked when I was younger.
I've had a tough year. My dog died, a close family member of mine died (within days of each other), I was living with an extremely emotionally draining person and had to suddenly move out simply because I could not take it anymore, and overworked myself for like 6 months straight being there almost every day for at least 8 hours, and I was very emotionally invested in the work I was doing. In result I ended up having virtually no true friends or any support system (right now me and my parents have a pretty close but also emotionally distant relationship), I am exhausted all the time, I honestly held up pretty well that whole time but I feel like it's getting harder to do that. I am having so much difficulty forming new friendships or connections, I can't seem to be close with people, I feel burnt out and so lost and I don't know what to do with my life. I took a break from uni and I'm coming back in October and I'm going to have to write my thesis but I have NO idea what I'm gonna write it on. I just feel so hopeless. I basically only live to make money and survive. I started smoking regularly to have some sort of a break from being so tense all the time.
I am extremely hateful towards myself. I constantly disappoint myself and I really try to be kinder but it's hard when I seem to do nothing right sometimes.
I considered going back on some form of medication, but I used to take anti-anxiety meds as well as antidepressants and while they did help a bit at the time they also had really bad side effects and I stopped using them mainly for that reason.
I just really don't want to get myself to a bad state. I've already neglected my physical health (trying to take care of it rn somehow), my hygiene has gotten worse, I have no energy to get out of bed and I am scared that I will just completely give up soon. Because right now I genuinely find very little true joy in life.
| 1 |
I Dont Understand
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I (22M) don't understand why my father being dead is bothering me so much. I'm getting married in a few weeks and my bio father not being there is bothering me to the max. I don't get why because he was never really part of my life, he died when I was 16 and was never a good role model to, if anything he showed me the kind of person that I never want to be. I'm getting married in just a few weeks to the absolute love of my life and the thought that my father is not there is just destroying me, I have never felt this way before about him missing major events in my life, so I don't understand why this time around it is hitting me so hard. My fiancé thinks that I should leave and open chair with his picture on it, but I do not think that he even deserves that because of the father that he was to me. So, I just don't understand why him not being there is hurting me so much.
| 1 |
I think there’s something wrong with me
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I’m only a teenager, but I can go from being extremely hopeless and not seeing the point in life to being estatic in about 5 minutes. I text people all the time just to check that they’re still there. All of my friends, I think, are fake and I feel so alone. I daydream so much. Music is the only way I feel normal. I starve and punch myself just to feel better.
I’ve only just learned that that’s not normal and now I feel even more lonely.
My mum also told me that I also spend money without thinking.
| 1 |
GUYSSSS HELPPPP
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okay so i want bad things to happen to me. i’m not gonna say what specifically for it may trigger other users. um what could this be :,)
| 1 |
Is My Friend Toxic To Me?
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I'm 14f and I've had a friend I've been with since I turned nine. I just stopped our friendship, we used to date but our friendship never got ruined. Pretty sure we just got together because we were bored. But after sixth grade she started ignoring me. She would leave me for other friends and tell me shes busy. And would cancel our plans to hangout with others. I kept on telling her that she was being toxic for years now and she would always show me up. When I kept saying I didn't want to be friends she would tell me that she loves me and there is no one like me. She was trying to flatter me so I could forget everything. And tbh it worked for years. But after I told her that I don't want to be friends and she just let me go. I felt kinda heartbroken that she would just say “ok” and not a single sorry.
| 1 |
lost appetite for everything
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The only things I ever want to eat anymore are my comfort foods of mac and cheese, tacos from my favorite local mexican place, or the occasional minestrone soup if i'm feeling sick. Whenever I go to the grocery store I'm just disgusted by all the options. Nothing looks appetizing and I never know what to buy. I don't even enjoy eating anymore. I hate that I have to do it everyday. I honestly wish I could go days or even weeks without eating. Everything in America is just plain junk. I don't like cooking so my partner does it, but even when they ask what I want nothing sounds good. I dread choosing meals.
| 1 |
i am miserable without a job but i'm struggling to find one
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Heya,
so I quit my job about two months ago for multiple reasons. It was my first job, at a supermarket as a regular floor worker. I was constantly tired, working overtime, I even once fainted during a shift, and all that for minimum wage. My parents kept nagging me about it too, because it's not a very respectable job and I am "wasting my intelligence" according to them.
All this led me to quit my job there without having another one lined up. I was gonna spend a month or so just relaxing and clearing my head and taking care of my mental health. I'm only 20 and barely spend and money so there's no problem there.
But I have spent the last two moths getting worse and worse. I don't have many friends to hang out with, just my boyfriend and my best friend really, both of which work full time jobs. I started going back to sleeping in at 5am and waking up at 5pm just to be on my phone the rest of the day. I try to think of what to do with my future but the only thought that keeps popping into my head are negative ones like that I want to kill myself and that I'll never be good enough for anything. I'll never make it in life.
This was my worst fear when I quit. When I was still working I actually felt a lot better despite the bad work conditions. It forced me to be social and go out every day, I felt productive at the end of the day and I didn't really have time to think all the bad thought that pop up now.
I've been trying to find a new job, but I can't find anything in my area that I have qualifications for and I don't want to go back to a job like my last one or a barista or something (although I did apply to a barista job and then got rejected which made me feel even worse haha). People tell me to do something with art because I'm an artist, I draw and paint and have lots of knowledge on art history, but there's no job offerings that could use these skills in my area. I tried cold calling some institutions also, like the local art museum, but nothing. I just feel like it's hopeless and I'll never find a job I actually like, and I'll just end up miserable either way.
If I could at least enjoy being unemployed and using this time better that would be a start, but it seems impossible.
If you guys have any advice I appreciate it, but really I think I just needed to get this off my chest somewhere.
| 1 |
i used to be incredibly happy everyday. now everyday is a meaningless empty void i can’t escape
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i’ve never been more happy and fulfilled than when i was with her. i used to wake up everyday and have so much passion, ambition, inspiration, happiness, and gratefulness, for life. whenever we would hangout it felt like i entered another dimension where the world felt perfect in every way and i had a deep love and happiness inside me. it almost felt like i was in a dream. like magic. the moments almost didn’t feel real. i felt so incredibly alive with her. i’ve never felt that way since. i’ve done a lot of things since breaking up like travel to lots of beautiful places, but i’d rather go for a walk around any random street with her than be on top of a beautiful mountain looking at an endless sea of clouds. i’ve never seen a view as beautiful as her. i’ve also met and incredible amount of people as well. i still have never met someone i’d rather spend time with. dating is incredibly depressing as i can never find someone that makes me feel like she did. it feels like those 2 years of my life with her might have been the best years of my life and it’s just all downhill from there. everyday feels so pointless, meaningless, and depressing. i have to make an incredible amount of effort to try to control my mind just to be content with life, when before i would literally shed actual tears regularly about how happy i was and how much i loved her, and my life because of her. if i could decide, genuinely, i’d rather re-live those 2 years with her again than live out the rest of my life like this for the next 60 years.
| 3 |
I kind of hate my 4 yo sister
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I’m 17f and since I was 11 i have been tossed aside for my moms love life a ton of times but her getting pregnant topped the cake especially since the guy didn’t even try to interact with me. My mom gave birth and all of sudden i became the 2nd caregiver. Constantly making the bottles, changing the diapers, putting her to bed, giving her baths, and watching her constantly without being able to say no. Ever since my toddler became a toddler she’s done things like throw a bottle at my face on purpose, smear shit all over an iPad(3 years old), consistently throw tantrums that my mom leaves the room for me to deal with, and say things like “i hate you” and “ you’re not apart of the family”. She uses me like I’m her mom and calls me mommy sometimes. I don’t blame her but the time that we spend together and the things she does for attention from my mom and her dad makes me become resentful. She frustrates me and pulls me into a rage that I can’t control sometimes. I find myself going into an uncontrollable rage when she does things to push my buttons and I hit her once because I was home alone with her for an entire week with only an hour break and I felt so guilty I wanted to die. I also catch myself yelling things I don’t mean at her in this state like “get tf away from” or when she screams when i tell her to be quiet in public or when we’re home alone and someone’s at the door I put my hand over mouth in a small fit of age and immediately felt guilt rush over me. she makes me so upset i cant stand her touching me in the slightest, i hate that she acts like a brat and is consistently pushed onto me she and my "parents" make me want to run away. If i give the slightest pushback my mom will explode at me and guilt trip me. I just can’t win.
| 1 |
Someone please, tell me I’m not as bad as I think I am
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I’m so ready to throw in the towel, my life feels like a constant downward spiral and that I‘ve “overstayed life’s welcome”. For some context: I’ve struggled with my mental health from the moment I turned five and was officially diagnosed with severe anxiety. From then on it’s been constant therapists, tons of different SSRI’s. I was an easy target for bullying in school because I had little to no cognitive function and lacked basic social cues. Now I’m an adult and things are basically the same, except now I have to figure my life out and it seems impossible.
I can’t hold a job for the life of me, mainly because I feel very alien compared to all of my coworkers (they can tell too) and I have a hard time acting normal around others. This always makes me the “weird chick” at any job and leads me to being bullied/outcasted until I become sick of it and quit. I want to be normal, I want people to like me, I try so hard to just come off as casual and outgoing and kind but it doesn’t matter—I’m inherently strange and people will always see that and take offense to it. I’m scared I’ll never be able to function in society, I will never contribute, I have nothing of worth attached to me if I can’t even hold down a job. Why do I have to be like this? Why can’t I be like normal, functioning people?
| 1 |
Need advice on how best to support my boyfriend
|
My (29f) boyfriend (30m) has been completely falling apart with paranoia recently and I’m at a loss of how to support him with this without exacerbating the issue. I think the best way to convey this story is in chronological order.
About a month ago his close family friend who he considered an uncle passed away from a heart attack. Uncle had a really bad heart and had been struggling with his health in the recent weeks, but the death seemed to strike my boyfriend as completely shocking. I should add my boyfriend’s house is a split-level with a full apartment downstairs, which is where Uncle lived so I understand how close they were, and how devastating the loss was, so I didn’t blame him for how shocked he was.
A week after that, boyfriend had the mufflers cut off his car at around 3 am in front of his house. Police were able to spot the car responsible on traffic cameras, but the car and license plates were stolen so it didn’t lead anywhere. But two very stressful events back to back definitely shook him up a bit.
That’s when the paranoia started. Out of the blue one day he asked me “what is 130 days from yesterday?” I basically told him it was like October or November and asked why he was asking. He said he had just been seeing the number lately and felt something bad was going to happen in 130 days. I didn’t realize at the time what was going on with him, so I playfully explained the concept of angel numbers and read him an explanation for the angel number 130.
The next day is when things spiraled out of control, which was about 2 weeks ago now. He called me to tell me that he had a foggy memory of being at the bar and talking to some guy who he thinks tried to hypnotize him. He said he wasn’t sure when exactly it happened, but he thinks it was around the beginning of spring; but he didn’t remember any of it until now. He said in this conversation the strange man told him he was going to kill him and his family, asked about where he lives and what he drives, and threatened all kinds of crazy things before leaving - after telling my boyfriend that he won’t remember any of this conversation.
When he first told me, I believed him and assumed it was probably the guy who stole his mufflers; and that this strange man may have drugged him for information to aide in his plan for the car. But every day since my boyfriend has connected more strange happenings to this conversation. Boyfriend told me that strange man killed Uncle exactly how he described he would. (Uncle died of a heart attack - but called his brother and left the house to get in his car before passing). According to boyfriend - strange man had said this would happen. He also said strange man told him he would kill him 130 days after “strange man sent him a signal so he’d remember.” Ever since boyfriend remembered this conversation, he has connected all events and occurrences to this conversation. Even a Facebook message I received from a random MLM scout - strange man said he would send me that message under that specific profile.
I try to challenge these ideas with him to not further the delusion - like explaining how unreliable our own memory is, and the fact that boyfriend is only able to remember specific details of “threats” AFTER the event occurs makes it likely that his brain is filling in details he has since experienced as some form of confirmation bias, but nothing seems to be easing this burden for him.
Now he has bought hundreds of dollars worth of cameras and security systems, went to the police, taken a leave-of-absence at work, and his every thought is consumed by this. It is having a seriously negative impact on his entire life and I’m so worried for him and his safety. Additionally, he has told me I am the only thing that makes him feel safe/okay, so I worry he might develop a codependency issue, which is so outside of his regular character.
He is already in therapy and has made an appointment with a psychiatrist, but if anyone has any advice on how to best support him without making him worse, I would really love the help.
| 1 |
Day One of becoming the WOMDs
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I haven’t abused drugs in the past 3 days. I’m holding myself accountable to keep that up so that I can continue on this path. I refuse to use it as a crutch for when things get too much. Right now I am an emotional mess, just a tad. What else is new?
I want to learn how to sit in my emotions without trying to numb them and that has not been easy…. at all, but I am tired of running away from them all the time. I have never stopped to listen to my heart while it’s been hurt. I just kept moving on and it has costed me everything. I need to process my emotions and actually feel them. Meditate on them and release.
Now I’m using my prescription strictly for concentration purposes but the bottom line of any and all addiction issues is usually trauma. So, that is the next step. That’s a lot to unpack.
I just want to be a better person. I have lost so much and I cannot afford to lose myself anymore than I already have. I’m ready to make serious changes and I’m proud of myself. I’m not ashamed for how far I fell because it taught me to rely on myself, I am the only one who can save me. I have disappointed so many people. I was a shitty partner. I was a shitty friend and I although love people deeply, my toxicity effected everyone around me. Even if I was only hurting myself.
I actually am on the first stepping stone to becoming the woman of my dreams. I can’t fucking wait to meet her.
| 1 |
Everything is boring
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I’ve struggled with my mental health for a couple years now, managed to get it under control just about in the last two. I’ve realised that I find stuff so boring, and I have lost my spark completely. I find hanging out with people boring, and it’s causing me to lose friends. I just feel like I’m existing and not living. Really struggling to keep friendships too and I’m not sure what to do. I’m 21 and got stuff going for me (not in a show offy way) so I just don’t understand what the problem is.
| 1 |
I hate the concept of retirement as it exists for most people. I also hate the thought that I could be working a job or jobs I hate for the rest of my life with no real reason or purpose behind it.
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People are expected to work, save money, and not do things they want to do through their "prime" years of life just to get to old age and retire. I feel like the things I really want to do and see won't exist, at least not in the same state, by the time I reach retirement age. So what the fuck am I actually working for. I have no intentions of getting married or having kids so it just feels like I'm not really working towards anything. The place I was working, that was tolerable to me, closed down and I just don't have the energy to look for anything else right now. I despise the thought of existing just for the sake of it and there not being anything to work towards, and with the way my life is I don't see anything that can fix that problem.
| 1 |
BPD - staying on the up?
|
Hey there,
I have BPD (borderline pd) and other people don't see it, but I do. I know when I'm going through a period of higher energy and passion, or when I'm in an extreme low.
Last year around June I fell in love and moved states and was in an extreme HIGH for about 4 or 5 months. Then I hit a low and I've been depressed ever since (About 7 months now of ongoing depression and loneliness).
**What would you suggest I do to stay in an UP (high) phase?** My depression affects those around me and I want to be happy for their sake - not complain about my life - be that magical passionate person I used to be.
So far this is what I've come up with:
\- Listen to uplifting music every day
\- Journal every day
\- Stop depending on other people for happiness
| 1 |
I was scarily close to suicide on Monday and I’m struggling to keep going.
|
I don’t think I’m writing this for any other reason than to just hopefully take out some of the energy of it by not keeping it in, or if I’m looking for support or what.
I just have to write this down somewhere, I can’t keep it in my head anymore.
I feel like my life’s falling apart, and half the reason is due to my own actions which I can’t forgive myself for.
I ended my 14 year relationship with my partner because I’m in love with someone else, and while I think deep down I know it’s the right decision, I hate myself for it.
I hate what I’ve done to my partner, I hate that I’ve turned our lives upside down, I hate all of it.
I’m torturing myself with flashbacks and ‘what it’s and I just can’t get my head to stop whirring.
I was so close to suicide but rang the Samaritans and then used a free MH text service which managed to get me seeing more rationally and calm me down, and the logical side of me is relieved I didn’t go through with it, but the other side is questioning whether everything and everyone would be better off if I had.
I hate this. I hate this so much.
I don’t want to feel like this anymore, I want it all to stop, please make it stop.
I’m so sorry. I’m just so sorry to everyone for everything. I don’t know what to do.
| 1 |
I feel suicidal because this unnecessary doctor's appointment gives me uncontrollable stress
|
I have already received my results for my stress test on the same day and they said everything is normal but I'm being forced to go for results. I think this is just for money and now I'm stressed and won't be able to enjoy a stress free day because I have to waste time going somewhere that I don't need to go. I want to know if anyone think I should cancel this or if it is better to just go and see what results the doctor reveal. I can't catch a break from stress because of this doctor trying to make money off of me when I have already received my results. I have said before that for me stress is unavoidable and unmanageable and this is an example of that.
| 1 |
Ex-boyfriend scaring me with suicide talk.
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I apologize if this is a little messy, but my thoughts are all over the place on it and it's hard to write about. I could use some advice please.
He lied and cheated, got caught and begged for a second chance. This was 3 weeks ago. I really wasn't sure what to do but I still talked with him and tried to work on things.
Last night he rolled out a whole new type of hella drama. He left my house all butt hurt because I said again, that I don't want constant drama around me. I reiterated that I have enough on my plate (single mom, two kids), that I'm unable to take care of him and he needs to grow up (I'm 42F, he's 27M), and since he won't take care of himself, he has to leave.
He finally left. (I was unaware of what he was thinking or planning once he left) Later he called to tell me that he was going to hang himself (!?!!!!), But got a phone call from one of his best friends (thank goodness), friend came to him and they sat in a parking lot and talked for a while. I didn't know any of this was going on until he called me to tell me late last night.
Maybe I'm insensitive but I can't believe after I asked to get the drama away from me, he would do all of that and then call to tell me about it. He kept saying I don't care about him. I do care about him but he hurt me and I'm livid. I don't want to cater to somebody holding me hostage with suicide talk, it's sick and so stressful.
I barely slept last night and called his mom this morning and left a message that I was hoping she could talk with me today after work. Am I wrong to talk to his family about his behavior? I don't know how to handle this and don't know how to help him. He absolutely refuses to talk to anyone about his problems and they're stacking up.
Also, I told him that I left a message for his mom and then I'm going to tell her what's going on with him so he can get some help. He's now begging me not to talk to her about him and telling me he'll leave me alone forever. If I don't talk to her. I don't want that, I just want him to get better... And then maybe leave me alone (but I'm not even sure about that because if he improved his mental health and stop drinking, we might be able to save our relationship).
I don't know what to do. I'll advice welcome, thank you.
| 5 |
nobody understands chronic pain
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i have a genetic condition that causes me severe chronic joint pain. it’s a rare disease. i can’t complain about my pain without receiving unsolicited advice, nor can i complain about receiving unsolicited advice without receiving unsolicited advice about my pain again 🫠 i don’t want to not complain about how my pain impacts my life because i can’t bottle all my feelings up. i feel like nobody understands.
| 3 |
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