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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62660 | This is a summary of the project summaries. Each one includes links and pictures from posts on the Yellow Cottage Homestead blog. You can read the summaries for an overview of each project, and click through to the individual posts if you want more details.
Visit the Projects page to scroll through all of the projects, or pick individual ones below. Click or tap on the heading or photo to visit that summary.
More project summaries will be added over time. Here are the ones available so far:
Assembling and updating our greenhouse.
Planting trees around the property, and measuring the heights of select trees.
Cat House
A project to build a shelter and feeder for the family of feral cats that adopted us.
House Electrical
Electrical work in our house.
Projects related to our workshop.
Various construction projects related to beekeeping.
Garden Plumbing
Various plumbing projects around the homestead.
Chicken Run
A project to build the fence and netting roof of an outdoor run for the new chicken coop.
Chicken Coop
A big project to build a new chicken coop.
Potato Planters
A simple project to build three potato planters. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62685 | Tuesday, December 9, 2014
He Rejoices More
Untitled document
Minute Meditations
Jesus Feeds Us
Oh Jesus, present in the Blessed Sacrament, I believe that you are truly present, Body and Blood, soul and divinity, in the Blessed Sacrament. Where my faith is weak, give me the gift of greater faith. Because I believe in your true presence, I bow before you and worship you.
— from A Eucharistic Christmas
St. Juan Diego
The Holy Father called the new saint "a simple, humble Indian" who accepted Christianity without giving up his identity as an Indian. "In praising the Indian Juan Diego, I want to express to all of you the closeness of the church and the pope, embracing you with love and encouraging you to overcome with hope the difficult times you are going through," John Paul said. Among the thousands present for the event were members of Mexico's 64 indigenous groups.
God counted on Juan Diego to play a humble yet huge role in bringing the Good News to the peoples of Mexico. Overcoming his own fear and the doubts of Bishop Juan de Zumarraga, Juan Diego cooperated with God's grace in showing his people that the Good News of Jesus is for everyone. Pope John Paul II used the occasion of this beatification to urge Mexican lay men and women to assume their responsibilities for passing on the Good News and witnessing to it.
Saint of the Day
Lives, Lessons and Feast
Enfold me in your love.
Let my heart become one with yours.
By God's grace I was born to live in freedom.
Free to enjoy the pleasures He created for me.
Dear Lord, grant that I may live as You intended,
with complete confidence in Your Loving care.
The Word of God
Reading 1 is 40:1-11
Comfort, give comfort to my people,
says your God.
Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her
that her service is at an end,
her guilt is expiated;
Indeed, she has received from the hand of the LORD
double for all her sins.
A voice cries out:
In the desert prepare the way of the LORD!
Make straight in the wasteland a highway for our God!
Every valley shall be filled in,
every mountain and hill shall be made low;
The rugged land shall be made a plain,
the rough country, a broad valley.
Then the glory of the LORD shall be revealed,
and all people shall see it together;
for the mouth of the LORD has spoken.
A voice says, "Cry out!"
I answer, "What shall I cry out?"
"All flesh is grass,
and all their glory like the flower of the field.
The grass withers, the flower wilts,
when the breath of the LORD blows upon it.
So then, the people is the grass.
Though the grass withers and the flower wilts,
the word of our God stands forever."
Go up onto a high mountain,
Zion, herald of glad tidings;
Cry out at the top of your voice,
Jerusalem, herald of good news!
Fear not to cry out
and say to the cities of Judah:
Here is your God!
Here comes with power
the Lord GOD,
who rules by his strong arm;
Here is his reward with him,
his recompense before him.
Like a shepherd he feeds his flock;
in his arms he gathers the lambs,
Carrying them in his bosom,
and leading the ewes with care.
Responsorial Psalm ps 96:1-2, 3 and 10ac, 11-12, 13
Sing to the LORD a new song;
sing to the LORD, all you lands.
Sing to the LORD; bless his name;
announce his salvation, day after day.
R. The Lord our God comes with power.
Tell his glory among the nations;
among all peoples, his wondrous deeds.
Say among the nations: The LORD is king;
he governs the peoples with equity.
R. The Lord our God comes with power.
Let the heavens be glad and the earth rejoice;
let the sea and what fills it resound;
let the plains be joyful and all that is in them!
Then let all the trees of the forest rejoice.
R. The Lord our God comes with power.
They shall exult before the LORD, for he comes;
for he comes to rule the earth.
He shall rule the world with justice
and the peoples with his constancy.
R. The Lord our God comes with power.
R. Alleluia, alleluia.
The day of the Lord is near:
Behold, he comes to save us.
R. Alleluia, alleluia.
Gospel mt 18:12-14
Jesus said to his disciples:
"What is your opinion?
will he not leave the ninety-nine in the hills
and go in search of the stray?
than over the ninety-nine that did not stray.
that one of these little ones be lost."
Catholic Meditations
Meditation: Isaiah 40:1-11
View NAB Reading at
Saint Juan Diego Cuauhtlatoatzin
A voice cries out: In the desert prepare the way of the Lord! (Isaiah 40:3)
Look at this verse again. What does it say? So often we think that the voice crying out was in the desert. But look again. The speaker isn't necessarily in the desert himself. Rather, he is calling out to other desert dwellers and telling them to prepare for the Lord.
What desert are you in? And how can you prepare for the Lord?
Let's look at one woman's story as an illustration. Kathy was going about her everyday life when she suddenly lost sight in one eye. The doctors were very concerned, so they ordered a myriad of tests. For her part, Kathy was filled with anxiety even as she tried to continue taking care of her family and working at her job. What if it was something fatal? What if she were to go completely blind? How would she cope? But she heard this verse at Mass, and it struck her heart: "In the desert prepare the way of the Lord." Kathy knew she was in a desert, but she also knew that she had to find a way to be open to the Lord.
Kathy decided to make a few changes to her daily routine. She gave up some of her television time and devoted it to listening to worship music. While making dinner, she listened to Bible study talks that focused on God's love and plan for his people. During her prayer, she searched the Scriptures for stories that demonstrated God's mercy and his power to heal. She went to Confession and asked the Lord to forgive her for becoming wrapped up in her own problems. She asked some friends from church to pray with her for healing but also for freedom from fear.
During the month that she had to wait before her next doctor's visit, Kathy saw some real changes. The fears were losing their grip. She began to feel a deeper trust that she was in God's hands, no matter what the outcome. She felt closer to the Lord. When people asked how she was doing, she was beginning to share about God's presence and his faithfulness and not just about her health. Kathy had prepared a way for Jesus in her desert—and he came in and changed her!
"Jesus, teach me how to welcome you into my desert areas."
Psalm 96:1-3, 10-13
Matthew 18:12-14
Allow me to translate today's 5minutos:
"God consoles his people exiled in Babylon. He announces the return to the patriarch. God Himself would go in front of his people through the desert as a Shepherd feeds His flock and His hand will reunite them. Strength, power, and affection are given in the heart of God. It is the omnipotent affection that comes in search of the lost sheep, like we read in the parableof the Gospel this day. Upon seeing the Pharisees and letterings that publicans and sinners brought forth to Jesus to hear Him, they'd murmur between themselves "this man takes in sinners and eats with them". And then Christ teaches this parable: a man has 100 sheep and loses one and leaves the 99 in the fold and goes in searh of the lost one. Surely upon finding it He gets more happy for that one than for the rest; not that it is worth more than the 99, but precisely because it was lost and it was found. It is the joy of the fulfilled responsibility, the joyof saving the lost. In this way, the Master justifies His conduct with the marginalized, appealing the compassion of God. Christ acts the same as God: takes in the lost, the sinners, the undesirables, without marginalizing anyone, because "Our Father in Heaven does not want to lose any of these little ones". To God there are no people without importance; every one is loved by Him personally and values us by the price of the blood of His Son. Even if we are insignificant, we are someone to Him. The great and almighty God is the God of affection, of the mercy and comprehension. We bless you Father full of affection, because you are not satisified with the 99 sheep."
If I were to rewind time, and play my life backwards, you would see the Word taken right out of my mouth, the Eucharist fed to us in Holy Mass last night. God feeds His sheep, and that's why He wants to secure each one of us in His fold. He carries the weak, he leads the females (ewes) and He feeds them. How do shepherds feed sheep in the valleys and mountains? These shepherds dedicate themselves and a good one lays down his life for his flock, and they are feeding by their leading. One lost means one in danger of being lost forever, eaten by hungry wolves or other predators. Perhaps this is why many parents of "lost" children stress. One can only imagine the loss of a child, right? Now imagine Our Father in Heaven. He goes crazy in search. In the Christian faith, we have the only God that has been in search of His children, unites Himself with them in the flesh and lives among in the Spirit.
And so, the degree of love in our lives is the search for lost souls among us. The degree is expanded exponentially through a life of Grace and Mary is called "Full of Grace". The prophet Isaiah prophecied 700 years before Christ of Him who came and is now among us, having been made flesh. Our Lady of Guadalupe came to a poor "ignorant" Indian but faithful man, the degree of disposition and humility made way for millions of baptized souls into Christianity, because of Grace. 400 years later, that country would prove the Christians with the Cristero War, killing many faithful Catholics, lay and clergy, many hung on telephone poles much like the crucified Christians of the time of Christ on earth.
The hungry wolves are out there. This is why our Father is deeply moved in search of the lost. The beauty of the faith, is that sometimes I am lost, in sin, in despair, in anxiety, hungry, cold, and afraid, and somehow He finds me. And I begin to cry as He picks me up, and my Mother follows behind. Once again, the family is made whole, and it would had not been, if it had not been for His blood, sweat, and tears, because He did it for me, and He did it for you. He died for me, and He died for you.
I am Lost in His loving arms, and it feels so goooood |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62691 | SEO Information
Make Quality Content Your #1 Priority
It is by now a proven fact that content is the most important element for getting better pagerank and, consequently, more traffic.
Furthermore, the best ranking websites have content that is better written than most other sites.
A common mistake is to think that Google spiders just consider keywords and layout in order to establish pagerank.
If you look at the top ranking pages for the most searched for keywords, you will see that the quality of the content has been essential for getting them better pagerank, not to mention the enormous amount of traffic that Google sends them as a consequence.
Let's look at some of the key areas that we have to keep in mind when producing content:
1. Updates
If you don't update your content frequently, your visitors won't have a reason to come back, and Google will not consider your site for better pagerank. You may get a good initial pagerank, but if Google doesn't see that the site is updated frequently, pagerank will surely fall as a consequence. The best frequency is once a week, when possible.
2. Grammar and spelling
Sites that are well ranked in Google have little or no spelling and grammar errors. Before uploading content, make sure to check for spelling and grammar mistakes. Microsoft Word's spell-check may even be more than enough for this task.
3. Paragraph layout
Not only on websites, but in any type of message that implies text, lengthy paragraphs are difficult to read and readers loose focus on the content. Google is also aware of this fact and prioritizes short 1 to 4 sentence paragraphs.
The same applies to sentence length. Keep sentences brief and to the point with only relevant information. If there is an extensive idea that must be included, you can break it up into two or more sentences.
4. Keywords
On well ranked sites, references are made throughout a page to keywords and variations of the keywords. Always keep content relevant to the keywords that are referenced to your site.
5. Lists
Whenever presenting lists of items, it is better to show them bulleted or numbered and not in paragraph format. This is visually much better for your visitors and Google will also give it better pagerank. For example, see the difference with the text from this section in both formats:
Example 1 - Paragraph format:
When creating content, keep in mind updates, grammar and spelling, paragraph layout, keywords, and lists.
Example 2 - Numbered
When creating content, keep in mind:
1. Updates
2. Grammar and spelling
3. Paragraph layout
4. Keywords
5. Lists.
Some final thoughts:
? Always make sure that you have quality content on your site.
? If you write your own content, try to have an editor or a professional writer look at it before uploading, until you gradually develop your own writing skills.
? Make sure you update your content frequently.
? Distribute some of your content freely to other websites. This will generate more links to your site and improve your pagerank as well.
? If you don't have writing skills and aren't willing to pay a professional writer to continuously create content for you, you can opt to acquire content databases that will provide you with extensive content that you can update regularly.
Once you have your site up and running, focus on content from then on. The design and layout of your site may be a one time only process, but content needs to be taken care of and nurtured to generate traffic and keep those visitors coming back for more.
John Tulus is Marketing Director at Web Marketing Experts, developer of internet marketing solutions to help companies increase sales and profitability online. If you would like to learn more about Internet Marketing, visit Our Website at Web Marketing Experts and Web Contents or email John at
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Italicized/emphasized comments
This is the last of a four-part reply.
RE: "it furthers the purpose of the universe, whatever it may be."
That is a completely meaningless assertion. If it was true, that means that there is no reason whatsoever to argue about "right" or "wrong", "moral" or "immoral", or, for that matter, anything else. It would mean that there is no reason to worry about whether or not one believes in God, since any conceivable action simply "furthers the purpose of the universe".
(R) You're arguing the wrong point.
(MB) How? I'm directly addressing what you said (as requoted above).
(R) The universe's purpose or lack of one has nothing to do with whether moral issues are important.
(MB) Actually, it does. If the universe has a purpose and anything that happens "furthers its purpose", then it doesn't matter what we do since any action would have been preordained and would have to be "right" as far as that purpose is concerned.
(R) The key is whether human beings have free will. If they do, discussions of right and wrong and morality are vital, and as a corollary, the universe has purpose.
(MB) Those are two separate concepts that do not require one another. A meaningless universe could give rise to free will whereas one that was created with a purpose would most likely *not* include free will.
(R) If there is no free will, there is no such thing as right and wrong, the universe has no purpose, and everything is meaningless.
(MB) Even if we don't have free will, "right" and "wrong" could still exist. We just couldn't have any choices between them and would do whatever we were predestined to do. None of this requires a universe with purpose or meaning.
It would be just as good to say that there is no purpose at all to the universe.
(R) This statement of yours is made in entirely the wrong context, but still, isn't it exactly my overall point?
(MB) Not at all. Your point is an attempt to show that there *is* a purpose to the universe. Of course, if you now wish to change your mind, I'll agree with you.
(R) You say there is no God and I say there is. You say the universe has no purpose and I say it does. Unless one of us can prove our positions, what difference is there between them?
(MB) The difference is that you are making the positive existential claims and, therefore, bear the burden of proof. You can't just say that something exists and declare your position to be valid if you have no evidence to support it.
(R) Your beliefs have no inherent superiority over mine. It is just as reasonable and logical for me to conclude God exists and the universe has purpose as it is for you to conclude otherwise. Until one of us provides proof, the other's position remains perfectly feasible.
(MB) ...and the beat goes on... As soon as you get a grasp of basic logic, come back and try this again.
RE: There is no real person who believes in Harvey.
Are you absolutely sure of that? Not one person?
(R) I'm not absolutely certain, but I am sure beyond a reasonable doubt that no real person believes in Harvey. I've never met anyway who believes Harvey is real. I've never read of or been told of any actual person who believes Harvey is real. The single individual I know of who believed Harvey was real wasn't a real person, but a fictional character. I conclude that no real person believes Harvey is real.
(MB) I agree. But, by the arguments you have been using to support your case, since you can't prove that no real person believes in Harvey, you must accept that the belief that Harvey exists is just as reasonable as the belief that Harvey does not exist. This is my whole point. I'm just using the example of Harvey to demonstrate the basic fallacy in your oft-repeated and seemingly major argument in support of your belief in God.
Now, do you understand why your arguments are bogus? Now, do you understand why the positive existential claim bears the burden of proof and why the skeptical position is superior until that burden is successfully borne? You've just agreed with it in your disputation about Harvey. Now, apply the same reasoning to your belief in God.
We've already discussed that and you haven't yet answered why it is, by your own definitions, that the character of Harvey is "fictional" while the character of God is not. Neither character's existence is supported by anything in reality.
(R) I know Harvey is a fictional character because he was a character in a fictional film.
(MB) Those two do not necessarily correllate. Fictional films can certainly include real characters and still be fictional. The fictional part refers to the story being told and not the individual characters who are parts of the story. That works in reverse, as well. A non-fictional film can include fictional characters. You must separate the story from the characters.
(R) I know the film was fictional because it was published as fiction and no claim was ever made it was not.
(MB) Once again, the claim(s) of the publishers (if any) are not the determining factor. Either the characters are real or they are not. Either the story is true or it is not. That determination is made by supporting evidence and not by any claims made by the filmmakers.
(R) I can find out exactly when the film was made and who the screen writers were. I know the exact origin of Harvey and that he was meant to be fictional from the very beginning.
(MB) How do you know that any claim of the filmmaker is truthful? Or, perhaps he intended to produce fiction, but accidentally stumbled across a very real concept. There are numerous examples from old science fiction stories where fiction has become reality.
(R) Once again, I'm waiting for you to demonstrate the same things of God.
(MB) The character of God is fictional because there is no evidence to support any other claim. This does not change simply because the first people to write down stories about him believed that he was real and because you believe them today. The only evidence for God is in a story. The only evidence for Harvey is in a story. If you are so dead certain that Harvey is fictional, you must, by the same reasoning and standards of evidence, also accept that God is fictional. To dispute this, you will have to provide at least one piece of evidence which supports the existence of God.
Since your beliefs are "personal preference", as you have said many times, it is highly unlikely that anybody else shares them to any great degree.
(R) My choice to believe in God is a personal choice, just as your choice not to believe in Him is a personal one. Five billion people share with me that same exact choice - the choice to believe in God. Other differences in our beliefs are not relevant.
(MB) This is utter nonsense. First of all, "five billion people" do not share your beliefs. Your version of God is only worshipped by less than 1/3 of all people who have some form of religious belief. I'm fairly certain that most of the other 2/3 will not agree that your God is the same as theirs.
Second, even among those who also worship your God, the fact that they are divided into thousands of individual sects with contradictory beliefs indicates that most Yahvists don't share your particular set of beliefs.
Finally, any notion of a "personal God" means that you consider God to be whatever the individual believer needs him to be. Since everybody's needs are different, their "personal God" will also be different. This further reduces the number of people who share your beliefs to those whose needs are the same as yours -- and that number is almost certain to be quite small.
If, as you say, differences in beliefs are not relevant, then neither is the God to whom those beliefs are directed.
Oh, others may peripherally agree that "God exists", but ask any of them to describe God, and it's highly unlikely that you will get two identical answers.
(R) That people have different views of God means nothing.
(MB) On the contrary, it means quite a lot. For something as ultimately important as God, if believers can't even agree on his basic nature, that doesn't speak well for their being able to support their belief in him or their ability to be able to convert anybody else's beliefs.
(R) If a million different people read a book, you'll get a million widely varying opinions on what the book was about and what it meant. That doesn't change the fact that all of them read exactly the same book.
(MB) Quite true. However, nobody would argue that the book doesn't exist or would dispute what its basic plot was or who the main characters were. Additionally, the book would always be available even for the most hardened skeptic to examine on his own.
As to whether or not people can share delusional beliefs, one only needs to read the daily newspaper to see examples of such shared delusions. Need I mention that, if God doesn't exist, that belief in such a being qualifies as a delusion?
(R) Yes, mass delusions do occur, but this is not sufficient to explain why five billion people believe in God. Not everyone is crazy but you.
(MB) One more time, "five billion people" don't share your belief in your God. The number of people who share a belief is no evidence that the belief itself is valid or truthful. Furthermore, throughout history, the majority of people have believed in all make and manner of nonsense. Should we still believe that the Earth is flat and stationary simply because all people used to believe it throughout most of the history of our species? Finally, despite what you want to think, I am not the only person who understands this. Far from it.
How "important" can a claim be if the object of the claim doesn't actually exist in reality?
(R) The idea "all men are equal" is not an object which exists in physical reality, but it is vitally important. It is the very foundation of justice. A claim doesn't have to involve an object which exists in physical reality in order to be important.
(MB) Now, you're confusing positive existential claims of existence for discrete things with philosophical ideas. Your original argument was that claims for the existence of God are important because of the nature of the claim. That's only true if the object of the claim is also true. If it isn't, then it is just another bogus claim. Introducing an unrelated philosophical idea won't change that.
The only way that any claim of anything's existence can be said to have any importance is if there is any evidence to support it. Since you have already and often admitted that there is no such evidence to support a claim of God's existence, how can such a claim be considered to have any importance?
(R) And since there is no evidence to show God does not exist, the claim He doesn't exist has no importance either, right? That's the logical culmination of the reasoning you just used, isn't it? In that case, why even bring the question up on your website?
(MB) There would be no point in arguing that God doesn't exist if that was the generally accepted opinion. In fact, it would be just as pointless as arguing that one-eyed, one-horned flying purple people eaters don't exist. However, since so many people *do* believe in God, and since so many attempt to force those beliefs and the associated doctrines upon others, the refutation of those claims does have importance.
Now, since you've neatly evaded the original question to bring up your secondary point, why not go back and answer it? How can any claim of God's existence have any importance if there is no evidence to support that his existence is real?
The fact that people will make claims for many things only demonstrates that people are willing to believe in any sort of nonsense for any reason of their own choosing.
(R) Yes, this is true, but I recommend you don't get to feeling too smug and superior about it. You're a "people," too, and susceptible to exactly the same thing.
(MB) The difference between us is that I base my opinions on what the evidence will support and you base yours upon what makes you feel good. One doesn't need a Ph.D. in logic or philosophy to understand which approach leads to sounder conclusions.
How do you know that I am a man? How do you know that I am a purely physical being? How do you know that I didn't originate somewhere else and emigrate to Earth? How do you know that my body isn't just the current physical manifestation of my essence? How do you know that I don't possess extraordinary powers that might allow me to transcend time and space?
(R) You've thoughtfully provided a good deal of background information about yourself on your webpage, which show you to be a man who resides on Earth. If you want to modify any of it to bring it in line with the above, then I'll entertain a claim that you created the universe. Until then, it is considered proven you did not.
(MB) How do you know that my biography is not just a smokescreen to cover my real nature? Perhaps, the people of Earth are not ready for a being like me and, therefore, I must try to appear as one of them until such time as it suits me to drop the facade. Your statement that my bio "proves" my nature is only evidence that you have allowed yourself to be deceived by it.
Since you can't prove these things to be wrong or non-existent, your own arguments must force you to accept a claim that I created the universe to be just as good as the counter-claim. Or, would you say that the position I have been supporting is more logical? To wit, unless there's some evidence to support the positive claim that I created the universe, then the negative position is the more logical of the two.
(R) On the contrary, it is easy to prove you did not create the universe, by the fact that you are an ordinary man who lives on Earth. In other words, there is evidence which shows you did not.
(MB) You may wish to rethink this position since it presupposes a belief about my nature that has not been proven.
(R) As always, the position which is supported by evidence is the one which is considered to be true.
(MB) Exactly. So, why do you continue to argue against that very fact?
(R) Babble about positive and negative positions has nothing to do with it.
(MB) Basic logic is hardly "babble". On the other hand, obfuscations about "God" being whatever suits the particular attempted argument certainly qualify as such. You can pick up any book on basic logic and learn about positive and negative existential claims and the burden of proof. I have provided an extensive bibliography of suitable texts in previous replies. Have you read any of them?
"Why" is irrelevant if there is no deity involved. In that case, the answer to "why" is simply the anthropic "because it couldn't have been any other way". Must there be any deeper meaning to the universe? Can't it simply "be"?
(R) I am in almost perfect agreement with you on this. If there is no God, there is no "why" to the universe. The universe "just is" and has no purpose or meaning.
(MB) Yet you have argued the exact opposite in this very response.
(R) Nothing is right or wrong and there is no morality - and also, no justice.
(MB) Incorrect. Morality is determined by the opinions of the group. What doesn't exist is any *absolute* morality that defines any particular behavior as either "right" or "wrong".
(R) Might makes right. The strong do not protect the weak, they devour them.
(MB) That has certainly happened throughout human history -- to include all civilizations which have invented religious beliefs and deities for themselves. It is the development of our civilization and standards of living and not any particular religious beliefs that have changed this.
(R) Life is not sacred and individual rights do not matter.
(MB) I would agree with the first part of that statement. Life is merely a consequence of the physical laws which determine the nature of the universe. It is only human arrogance (or ignorance) that has deemed it to be "sacred". Of course, the sacredness only applies to *human* life and not to any other creature.
As to the second part, individual rights are things that are granted to Man *by* Man. They matter only in the context of our arbitrary legal and governmental systems.
(R) Nothing matters, except the fleeting pleasures of the passing moment.
(MB) Nothing matters, *including* the fleeting pleasure of the passing moment.
(R) On the other hand, if God exists, life has meaning and purpose.
(MB) If God exists, life is predetermined and can't really be said to have any purpose other than to play out the string. If what is going to happen is going to happen no matter what, how can any part of God's creation have any meaning beyond being a playground for his whims?
(R) Morality and eternal justice are restored.
(MB) "Restored"? How could something be "restored" that didn't exist prior to creation? (Needless to say, there wouldn't have been anything at all prior to creation.)
(R) Respect and protection of God's other creatures becomes a positive good worth striving for.
(MB) How does that work? On what basis is this to be deemed a "positive good"? Why is God required?
(R) Every single individual is equally important in the eyes of God, and endowed with inalienable rights.
(MB) On what basis do you make such a claim? Certainly, the majority of Yahvistic societies that have ever existed have not believed such a thing. The concept of "inalienable rights" themselves is only a couple of centuries old. Certainly, there is no Biblical support for it.
(R) There is reason for optimism.
(MB) OK, I'll bite. Just what might that reason be? Is it optimistic to subordinate one's mind and life to fairy tales that make him feel good?
(R) Any questions on why most people choose God?
(MB) *Boatloads* of them, my son....none of which are receiving any coherent answers.
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Oct 11, 2019
Alysa is celebrating the two-year podiversary and the upcoming 100th episode of Best Forevers: A Podcast for Kindred Spirits by answering your many questions! People asked her anything and she answered.
Share Your Friendship Stories with Alysa!
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Art Work by Kate Cosgrove
Theme Music by Trevor Wilson
Promo from this Episode!
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62748 | @article {70115, title = {Denitrification in a Laurentian Great Lakes coastal wetland invaded by hybrid cattail (Typha~{\texttimes}~glauca)}, journal = {Aquatic Sciences}, volume = {76}, year = {2014}, month = {03-2014}, pages = {483-495}, publisher = {Springer}, abstract = {Wetland ecosystems maintain and improve water quality through the process of denitrification, an increasingly important ecosystem service due to global N pollution. Invasive plants have the potential to disrupt denitrification by altering the environmental conditions that facilitate this process. Great Lakes coastal wetlands are experiencing widespread invasion by highly productive hybrid cattail with largely uncertain biogeochemical effects. Through field and controlled mesocosm studies, we sought to determine the effects of cattail invasion through time on denitrification rates and associated environmental factors in a Great Lakes coastal wetland. In the field, we found that cattail density correlated with increased denitrification and a suite of environmental and plant community characteristics and denitrification rates were positively correlated with NH4 +, sediment organic matter, reduced water levels, and cattail stand age. Through our controlled mesocosm study, we documented conditions 1- and 5-year following invasion and found that denitrification rates and soil organic matter increased in year 5, and cattail and year-since-invasion altered plant communities and soil NH4 +. Only a weak correlation between denitrification rates and cattail treatments was noted, however, owing to high replicate variability. Our results indicate that with increasing cattail residence time, one ecosystem service, biodiversity, was negatively impacted, while two other services, denitrification and sediment carbon accumulation, were enhanced. Thus, this highly invaded wetland still provides valuable services to aquatic ecosystems and to society. A holistic perspective is therefore critical when evaluating invasive species impacts in which negative impacts are weighed against other ecosystem services, which may be stimulated.}, keywords = {TYPHA X GLAUCA}, doi = {10.1007/s00027-014-0348-5}, author = {Lishawa, Shane C. and Jankowski, Kathi Jo and Geddes, Pamela and Larkin, Daniel J. and Monks, Andrew M. and Tuchman, Nancy C.} } @article {70312, title = {Patterns of Environmental Change Associated with Typha x glauca Invasion in a Great Lakes Coastal Wetland}, journal = {Wetlands}, volume = {29}, year = {2009}, month = {09/2009}, pages = {964 - 975}, abstract = {Typha x glauca (hybrid cattail) is an aggressive invader of wetlands in the upper Midwest, USA. There is widespread concern about declines in plant diversity following Typha invasion. However, relatively little is known about how Typha alters habitat characteristics, i.e., its potential to act as an ecosystem engineer{\textquoteright}{\textquoteright}. Over five years, we measured physical, chemical, and plant community changes associated with Typha invasion in a Lake Huron wetland in northern lower Michigan. We compared uninvaded areas with patches varying in invasion intensity. Our study was observational, but we used statistical inference to try to separate effects of Typha and confounding variables, particularly water depth. We used space{\textendash}for{\textendash}time substitution to investigate whether Typha{\textendash}associated changes increased over time, as predicted if Typha invasion was in part a cause (not only a consequence) of abiotic changes. Relative to uninvaded areas, Typha{\textendash}invaded areas differed in plant{\textendash}community composition and had lower species richness, higher litter mass, and higher soil organic matter and nutrient concentrations (all P, 0.001). Overall, Typha invasion appeared to displace native species and enrich wetland soils. These changes could benefit Typha at the expense of native species, potentially generating plant{\textendash}soil feedbacks that pose special challenges for wetland management and restoration.}, keywords = {TYPHA}, doi = {10.1672/08-71.1}, author = {Tuchman, Nancy C. and Larkin, Daniel J. and Geddes, Pamela and Wildova, Radka and Jankowski, Kathi Jo and Goldberg, Deborah E.} } @article {70409, title = {Effects of an invasive cattail species (Typha x glauca) on sediment nitrogen and microbial community composition in a freshwater wetland}, journal = {FEMS Microbiology Letters}, volume = {263}, year = {2006}, month = {10/2006}, pages = {86 - 92}, abstract = {Sediments from Cheboygan Marsh, a coastal freshwater wetland on Lake Huron that has been invaded by an emergent exotic plant, Typha{\texttimes}glauca, were examined to assess the effects of invasion on wetland nutrient levels and sediment microbial communities. Comparison of invaded and uninvaded zones of the marsh indicated that the invaded zone showed significantly lower plant diversity, as well as significantly higher aboveground plant biomass and soil organic matter. The sediments in the invaded zone also showed dramatically higher concentrations of soluble nutrients, including greater than 10-fold higher soluble ammonium, nitrate, and phosphate, which suggests that Typha{\texttimes}glauca invasion may be impacting the wetland{\textquoteright}s ability to remove nutrients. Terminal restriction fragment length polymorphism analyses revealed significant differences in the composition of total bacterial communities (based on 16S-rRNA genes) and denitrifier communities (based on nirS genes) between invaded and uninvaded zones. This shift in denitrifiers in the sediments may be ecologically significant due to the critical role that denitrifying bacteria play in removal of nitrogen by wetlands.}, keywords = {WETLANDS VEGETATION}, doi = {10.1111/j.1574-6968.2006.00409.x}, author = {Angeloni, Nicholas L. and Jankowski, Kathi Jo and Tuchman, Nancy Crandall and Kelly, John J.} } |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62752 | Security and Anonymity in the Digital Age: 13. Take Precautions With Your Email
Use secure email services when you can. Use a dummy email address when emailing people you do not trust and make sure that that dummy email is not attached to any of your real information (use a fake name, age, etc). You can also set up emails to reroute, so that you can receive them at your normal address – just make sure that you reply from the dummy account.
This is not particularly secure against government agencies but it is fairly secure against hackers. There are also free, disposable, temporary email services, such as Guerilla Mail, that allow users to create randomly generated accounts that get automatically deleted once the user ends their browser session, or after a time limit.
ProtonMail and Tutanota are both excellent options.
I know, odd that music would be the first section. Listening to classical music while you study something will help reinforce the reading in your mind. Hell, light a scented candle if you have one. There’s a bit more nuance that we can detect in music than smell though. These are some very short selected writings on the genre of classical music. It is by no means meant to be a thorough overview of the genre, but it should give you same basic concepts to work with.
Information Science
• Characteristics of life
• categories of life
• Cell theory
• Gene theory
• Evolution
• r/K selection
• human evolution
• Homeostasis
Personal Productivity
• Culture of Critique
• The Greatest Story Never Told
• Where does gold come from? – David Lunney
• Rise of the Persian Empire and Cyrus the Great
• Cyrus the Great conquers the Lydia kingdom and gold currency is introduced to the Achaemenidians. The daric becomes the world\’s first international currency and the Achaemenidian dynasty consolidates nearly all gold assets ever produced during antiquity. King Croesus of Lydia was the first to have issued a double currency standard, allowing him to benefit from what would later be known as Gresham\’s Law.
• Alexander the Great: a very competent expert in finances
• Alexander the Great\’s confiscated 4,000 talents of gold (\$\$5,665,187,500 @ \$1,294.90/t oz) from Darius III after the Battle of Gaugamela. Greece experiences the world\’s first instance of inflation, driving up the wages of soldiers which inhibited the ability to conquer additional gold.
• History Summarized: The Roman Republic
• Gold in the Ancient World
• History Summarized: The Roman Empire
• By the time of Diocletin, Roman coinage became excessively debased due to military costs. Silver minting was abandoned. The only sector of the economy being paid in (debased) gold solidus were barbarian mercenaries hired by various emperors. The gold came from a combination of sources: the defeat of Licinius, heavy capital taxation on senators and merchants. and pagan temples. Roman engineering and it\’s massive slave pools were able to perform silver and gold extraction out of Europe and conquered territories at a level that would not be seen again until the Industrial Age. Coinage debasement becomes a matter of policy during the Republic and Imperial phases of Rome, ending in massive hording of older coins by citizens.
• History Summarized: The Byzantine Empire
• The rise of Christianity significantly disrupts the frankincense trade, causing a gold deflation across the Incense Route. (A part of the Silk Road ecosystem) During the peak of this instability, an Incense Road merchant named Muhammad unifies the tribes of the Saudi peninsula under his new faith Islam. His father-in-law, Abu Bakr, becomes Islam\’s chief enforcer and conquers former Roman colonies around the Mediterranean. Byzantium and the Muslims engage in perpetual conflict via the Crusades, redistributing the flow of gold along the larger Silk Road ecosystem and away from Europe.
• Incense Route – Livius
• How did Venice Become a Trade Empire?
History of
Intel & Security
Organization & Leadership
Computer Science/Programming
Machine Learning |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62754 | By-Two Kaapi in an oilfield
The weblog of Abhilash Ravishankar, India.
Here I blog about my personal experiences [posting rarely]
Mama I'm coming home - 2
Times have changed and times are strange.
Here I come but I ain't the same.
Mama, I'm coming home.
Yet again, after a 4 and a half months gruelling life out here, I'm going back home. Feels really good to be heading home. A disastrous semester, a fun-filled one though, comes to an end. And off I am to home sweet home.
It's a weird feeling that I am halfway through my bachelors in Engineering. And yet, I feel I know nothing that gives me the privilege of being called an engineer. Will blog about that sometime later. I have so much to blog about, but words ain't flowing.
This will be the last post from the Alien's Gateway at Pilani for a long time. Shall resume blogging in a couple of days after I reach Mysore.
Post a Comment
This blog and me
Blogger Templates by GeckoandFly modified and converted to Blogger Beta by Blogcrowds |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62771 | Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Another one's gone
Requiescat in Pace, sir.
1 comment:
Gibbo said...
This saddened me more that I thought possible. I logged on to the NWN server I have been ex-patriated to and killed a whole bunch of stuff in his memory.
His legend will live on... |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62775 | Raspberry Pi
What is Raspberry Pi? No, I didn’t make a spelling mistake, just take a look at this
It is a USB-powered, credit card-sized computer that comes with a network connection port, one or two USB ports ( model A or B ), HDMI out, composite RCA video and 3.5mm audio out, SD card slot, camera slot and up to 25 GPIO pins for various applications.
You can also check out this page:
See also:
Too much spam!
I hate spam. Period.
Please allow me some time before I enable comments 🙂
Learn to Code
Have you ever wanted to write some code ( program, web page or whatever ) but you have no idea what to do? Especially today, when coding is becoming a part of common knowledge and everybody should at least be aware of how its done and how it works, similar to let’s say maths. Well no worries, now there’s a number of people on the web who want to help you.
So here’s a few websites that you would want to visit:
At least in these 3 websites you will find step-by-step example-by-example explanation with references and tools required to start. I so much wished I had this 10 years ago 🙂 |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62778 | Equations to Equations
Comer Duncan recently sent me an email asking how to translate models written for Berkeley Madonna into Modelica. He was specifically interested in some metabolism models developed by Kevin Hall at NIH.
Instead of simply answering this question via an email discussion, I thought it would be good to write about this issue. As is often the case, this kind of undertaking risks falling into the "Your Baby is Ugly" trap, although I hope that won't be the case here.
For this article, I am going to focus exclusively on a "straight translation" approach. This is a naive but insightful approach. In part two, I'll examine a better, but more involved, approach the brings to light many of the advantages that Modelica has to offer.
Straight Translation
These models contain several different types of statements. Let's take a look at some representative statements in Berkeley Madonna and then show what a literal translation to Modelica would look like.
System Parameters
The first type of statement are ones that set the value of so-called "system parameters" in Berkeley Madonna. Examples of system parameters include time step, tolerances, and start time. For example, to set the start time to 0, a Berkeley Madonna model would include the following line:
Other system parameters include STOPTIME, DTMIN, DTMAX, TOLERANCE and DTOUT.
In Modelica, the experimental conditions are associated with the model via a standard annotation. This helps segregate meta-data about how the problem is to be solved from the actual mathematical equations associated with the model. So in Modelica, we would indicate start time as follows:
Differential Equations
Berkeley Madonna allows differential equations to be defined using the following syntax:
d/dt(R) = ...
R' = ...
FLOW R = ...
The idea here is that for some reservoir, R, the right hand side of these equations would define the rate at which the reservoir value changes with respect to time. The fact that such variables are called reservoirs shows the influence that Forrester's System Dynamics has on the approach in Berkeley Madonna. This isn't a criticism. Forrester's approach to system dynamics, with its concepts of stocks and flows, is quite intuitive. As we will see later, the formalism used in Modelica is a superset of Forrester's system dynamics (and several other formalisms).
In Modelica, a differential equation has only one representation:
der(R) = ...;
where der is a built-in operator. It is worth noting that Modelica is a declarative programming language, not an imperative programming language. As such, there is no "assignment" or directionality in a Modelica equation, only a relationship between two quantities. So the same equation could be represented in the following, completely equivalent, form:
... = der(R);
It is worth noting that Berkeley Madonna also allows the following forms, in order to be compatible with the STELLA modeling language:
R(t) = R(t-dt) + (...)*dt
R = R + dt*(...)
In the Berkeley Madonna User's Guide, it says these forms are not recommended "since the notation is more error-prone". At the risk of offending STELLA advocates, I'm afraid I have to agree. It isn't just the potential complexity of such expressions, it is the fact that it implicitly imposes a (forward Euler) solution method on the model which is completely unnecessary (and not a particularly good choice at that). Mixing the "problem statement" and the "solution method" is avoided as much as possible in the Modelica approach so there are no equivalent forms in Modelica. That is not to say that discrete equations (e.g., z-transforms) are not allowed in Modelica. But such equations must be represented in terms of some underlying "clock" and not in terms of solver time steps.
Berkeley Madonna allows for higher-derivatives to be expressed in the language through the use of multiple "primes", e.g., u', u''. Modelica does not allows this. Differential equations are restricted to first-order and intermediate variables must be introduced to represent higher-order derivatives.
For each reservoir, it is necessary to specify an initial condition. In Berkeley Madonna, this can be done in the following ways:
INIT R = ...
INIT (R) = ...
where the right hand side represents the value the reservoir should have at the start of the simulation.
Initialization in Modelica is actually quite a rich topic. For since we are only concerned with straight translation at the moment, the equivalent in Modelica would be:
initial equation
R = ...;
The comment syntax in Berkeley Madonna has two forms. The first form is a "curly-bracket comment" which can span multiple lines, e.g.,
{This is a comment}
{This is
also a comment}
The second form is a single-line comment which starts with a ; and is terminated by the end of the line, e.g.,
; This is a comment
Modelica has both of these types of comments with slightly different syntax:
/* This is
a multi-line
comment */
// This is a single-line comment
But in addition, Modelica has "descriptive strings" that can be associated with entities in the language. These are not comments because they are semantically associated with different elements. Such descriptive strings can then be used in parameter dialogs and other user interface elements. For example, if I declare a variable as follows:
parameter Real Na_b=4000 "Baseline sodium intake in mg/d";
the string "baseline sodium intake in mg/d" is not a comment but rather a description of the variable Na_b and this description can be used when interacting or documenting the model.
Furthermore, Modelica allows you to formally associated physical units with a quantity. As such, an even better representation in Modelica would be:
type DailyRate = Real(final unit="mg/d");
parameter DailyRate Na_b=4000 "Baseline sodium intake";
In this way, we can leave the units out of the description because the variable is declared to be of type DailyRate, which already indicates that the units are in milligrams per day. Even better, the Modelica specification defines a grammar for these unit definitions so that the consistency of units in equations can be checked. This goes well beyond just commenting or documenting the model because it allows unit errors to be automatically detected by tools which can catch a lot potential errors!
Variables and Equations
In Berkeley Madonna, models consist of a list of equations. As we have seen already, some of these equations are for "system parameters". Others are for variables in our models. Examples of equations include:
ECP = 0.732*BM + 0.01087*ECW_b
d/dt (Lipol_diet) = (Lipol_diet_target - Lipol_diet)/tau_lip
init Lipol_diet = 1
Kurine = IF Ketogen < Kspill THEN 0 ELSE Ketogen*KUmax/(KGmax-Kspill)-KUmax/(KGmax/Kspill-1)
In these cases, you have either a variable name or the derivative of a variable on the left hand side and some kind of expression on the right hand side. With only minor syntactic differences, we can represent these same equations in Modelica:
ECP = 0.732*BM + 0.01087*ECW_b;
der(Lipol_diet) = (Lipol_diet_target - Lipol_diet)/tau_lip;
Kurine = if Ketogen < Kspill then 0 else Ketogen*KUmax/(KGmax-Kspill)-KUmax/(KGmax/Kspill-1);
initial equation
Lipol_diet = 1;
The main differences are the termination of equations with semicolons, the use of the der operator instead of d/dt and the fact that Modelica is case sensitive (if vs IF).
However, there is another important difference with regard to variables that we mentioned already in the section on commenting, which is that variables in Modelica must be declared. So a more complete fragment of Modelica code for the previous three equations would be:
model MetabolismModel
Real ECP "Extracellular protein";
Real Lipol_diet;
Real Kurine;
ECP = 0.732*BM + 0.01087*ECW_b "Wang AJCN 2003";
if Ketogen < Kspill then
Kurine = 0;
Kurine = Ketogen*KUmax/(KGmax-Kspill)-KUmax/(KGmax/Kspill-1);
end if;
initial equation
Lipol_diet = 1;
end MetabolismModel;
Here we see the mostly complete text of a model. We see both the declarations of the variables (indicating the type of the variable along with an optional description) as well as the equations associated with the variable.
Isn't the Berkeley Madonna syntax simpler? Perhaps. For simple problems it might seem like an advantage to have such a simple syntax. But for complex problems, using some explicit syntax to help convey your overall intent can go a long way toward providing better diagnostic error messages and catching errors.
At the risk of jumping ahead a little bit, it is worth pointing out that building complex models in Modelica would not be done this way (i.e. declaring lots of variables and lots of equations all in a "flat" file like this). But for now, we will remain focused on a straight translation.
One interesting thing that Berkeley Madonna has is the notion of datasets. These datasets are really a combination of two things. The first is the underlying data (presumably represented on on some multi-dimensional regular grid, although I didn't confirm that). The other is a bunch of implicitly defined functions for interpolating over the data in the dataset. These implicit functions are identified by the name of the dataset preceded by a # character, e.g., #temperature(...), #R20BW(...).
Modelica (or more specifically, the Modelica Standard Library) includes a collection of table models that are similar, but not exactly equivalent.
An important caveat here is that in practice it is often the case that you might wish to use a table in some cases, a set of mathematical expressions in another and perhaps even a nested sub-model with its own states in another. We'll talk later about how Modelica can accommodate all of these uses in a framework that is "type safe".
Automatic Translation
It turns out, it is pretty straight forward to translate Kevin Hall's models (which have only appeared in fragments in this article) into Modelica code. To do this, I wrote a relatively simply Python script although I should point out that if I needed something that was "production quality", I would use a real lexer and parser. It would take me perhaps twice as long to write, but it would be infinitely more reliable and robust.
The following Python code is almost sufficient to translate the model by Kevin Hall that I mentioned at the beginning into Modelica1:
import re
def _process_eq(groups, eqs, line):
lhs = groups[0]
rhs = groups[1].split(";")
if len(rhs)==1:
eqs.append({"var": lhs, "expr": rhs[0].strip(),
"desc": None})
elif len(rhs)>1:
"desc": ";".join(rhs[1:])})
print "Unable to parse equation: ", line
class Translator:
EMPTY = re.compile("^\s*(;.*)?$")
ASSIGNMENT = re.compile("\s*(\w+)\s*=\s*(.*)")
INIT = re.compile("\s*[Ii][Nn][Ii][Tt]\s*(\w+)\s*=(.*)")
DIFFEQ = re.compile("\s*d\/dt\s*\(?(\w+)\)?\s*=\s*(.*)")
CCOMMENT = re.compile("\s*{([^}]*)}\s*")
def __init__(self, name, f):
self.name = name
self.equations = []
self.diffequations = []
self.initequations = []
self.file = f
def _parse(self):
lines = self.file.readlines()
for line in lines:
def _parseline(self, line):
if self.EMPTY.match(line):
if self.CCOMMENT.match(line):
if self.DIFFEQ.match(line):
match = self.DIFFEQ.match(line)
_process_eq(match.groups(), self.diffequations, line)
elif self.INIT.match(line):
match = self.INIT.match(line)
_process_eq(match.groups(), self.initequations, line)
elif self.ASSIGNMENT.match(line):
match = self.ASSIGNMENT.match(line)
_process_eq(match.groups(), self.equations, line)
print "?", line
def render(self):
experiment = {}
# Extract experimental settings
equations = list(self.equations)
for eq in equations:
var = eq["var"]
exp = eq["expr"]
if var=="STARTTIME":
experiment["StartTime"] = exp;
if var=="STOPTIME":
experiment["StopTime"] = exp;
if var=="TOLERANCE":
experiment["Tolerance"] = exp;
if var=="DTMIN" or var=="DTMAX" or var=="DTOUT":
print "model %s" % (self.name)
for eq in self.equations:
if hasattr(eq,"desc"):
print """ Real %s "%s";""" % (eq["var"], eq["desc"])
print """ Real %s;""" % (eq["var"])
print "initial equation"
for ieq in self.initequations:
print """ %s=%s;""" % (ieq["var"], ieq["expr"])
print "equation"
for eq in self.equations:
print """ %s=%s;""" % (eq["var"], eq["expr"])
for deq in self.diffequations:
print """ der(%s)=%s;""" % (deq["var"], deq["expr"])
print "end %s;" % (self.name)
fp = open("hallcode.m", "r")
t = Translator("HallModel", fp)
For the curious, I have included the resulting Modelica model (which required just a handful of manual tweaks).
Now What?
I've mentioned a few times that this kind of straight translation is really not the way to go about this. So far, what I've shown is a bit naive, but it does work. In part two of this article, we'll look at how you could improve on this approach.
1. Note that it isn't sufficient for the task of translating Berkeley Madonna models into Modelica (the general case), but specifically for translating those elements used in Kevin Hall's model into Modelica. Even then, it was necessary to make a few manual changes related to datasets, comments and IF THEN ELSE expressions. As I say in the article, to do this in an automatic and truly correct way would require a real parser.
Share your thoughts
comments powered by Disqus |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62822 | Origin 9.1 SR3 Bug and Crash Fixes
ORG-10754Crash when copying graphic object together with graph layer
E.g. add a rectangle box in graph. Select the layer and then hold Ctrl key and select the rectangle. Right click and do Copy. Origin crashed. Disabled such select between different graph objects now.
Bug since since 8.1.
ORG-10743Crash when plot fill area if there is axis break in graphIf there is axis break in graph and plot Fill area to next data graph. Origin crashed.
Crash when editing Legend with long text
Right click on the Legend object and open "Properties..." dialog. In the dialog, update the legend text to be "\l(1, 111...11) %(1)", about 120 '1' in the text, represented by 111...11 ==>Origin crashed
Right click legend and choose Properties dialog. Try to type \l(1,,1234567890123456789012345). ==> When the last 5 is typed, Origin crashed.
Bug since 9.1.
ORG-10632Crash when loading certain opj fileThis is case by case. old bug.
ORG-10545Crash when deleting a layer linked to a layer with Axis BreakIf there is axis break in existing graph and add a new layer linked with the axis. Then try to delete the linked axis. ==> Origin crashed. Bug since 9.1.
ORG-11263Crash if clicking green lock on contour graph after do surface fitDo a nonlinear surface fit on Contour plot and then click green lock in graph window. ==> Origin crashed. Bug since 9.1. Only in 32 bit Origin.
ORG-11193Crash when sorting worksheet with large dataThis may happen to PC with small memory.
ORG-11019Crash if graph has gradient fill below the line plot.Plot a line graph and fill area under curve. Turn on gradient fill for the area.==> Origin crashed. Bug since 9.1.
ORG-11164Crash when use Vertical Cursor and Differentiate Gadget togetherUse Differentiate Gadget to create a derivative curve, and then use Vertical Cursor gadget on the derivative curve, Origin will crash when switch between these 2 Gadgets.
ORG-10973Crash when loading opj file with Gadget on a graph window with Axis Break
Bug Fixes
ORG-10867Changing line style of one layer changes the border style of another layer
For multi-layer graph, changing one plot's line connection style affects another layer's axis line style around the border. Bug since 9.1.
ORG-11092Axis break failed to show for some log scale graph
Somehow break setting can be seen in Axis dialog but no break shows in graph. Bug since 9.1.
ORG-10897Special Tick Labe with $() string failed to work with log scaleSet a special tick with $(x+10) as Label. If changing axis scale type to log. The special tick label is wrong. Bug since 9.1.
ORG-10657Wrong grid line color and styleGrid line display doesn't match grid line setting. E.g. light gray showed as gray, dash showed as solid. Bug since 9.1.
ORG-10657Axis line is set as solid but when export graph, it showed as dashes.Axis line shows fine on screen but when exporting graph, it shows as dashes. Bug since 9.1.
ORG-10785Fail to plot 3D scatter+ Error bar graph in German OSBug since 9.1.
ORG-10958Area plot disappear if transparency is turned on and speed mode is turned offPlot a big dataset as area plot. Turn the speed off and then set transparency of line. ==> Plot disappeared.
ORG-11166Speed mode failed to update after zoomed if plot has sampling interval (no x column)Plot a big Y data with sampling interval set as scatter graph. Speed mode is on. Use zoom and pan the plot to only contain small amount of data. Speed mode is still on. Bug since 9.1.
ORG-10045Failure to type font sizes in Font combo box on Format toolbarIf the font size exists in the combo list, user can type it but if the font size doesn't exist, user failed to type it. Bug since 9.1. Two new system variables are introduced. @LLFX8 and
@LLFX9. Try to set either of them or both to 0 to see if it can fix it.
ORG-7341Bad EMF, WMF and PDF graph export on Remote Desktop.I have added another possible value for the same system variable: @emrd=3. Setting it fixed the problem.
ORG-11358EMF File size huge in 9.1 sr0 to sr2
This is also fixed by ORG-11166. If data plot's X is from Y data's sampling interval instead of a real X column. Though user re-scaled axis to show only part of the range, the whole data is still included when exporting graph, So the size is big. Bug since 9.1.
Click here to see workaround...
Active Graph window and run the following script:
double dXFrom = layer.x.from;
double dXTo = layer.x.to;
int nGap = 10;
doc -e d
range -w rng = %c;
double xInit = rng.xinit,
xInc = rng.xinc;
if (xInit != 1 || xInc != 1)
int nFromInd = (dXFrom - xInit) / xInc;
int nToInd = (dXTo - xInit) / xInc;
if (nFromInd > nToInd)
int nTemp = nToInd;
nToInd = nFromInd;
nFromInd = nTemp;
nFromInd = nFromInd - nGap;
nToInd = nToInd + nGap;
set %c -b nFromInd;
set %c -e nToInd;
Data Exploration
ORG-11077Data Reader failed to read Z values on XYZ Contour PlotsUse Data Reader or Cursor to read data information. Failed to see Z values. Bug since 9.1.
Peak Analysis
ORG-10580Fit Control dialog in Peak Analyzer messed upChoose Fit Peaks as goal in PA. On Find Peaks page, choose Show Center Label checkbox under Labels and Markers node. Then go to Fit Peaks page and click Fit Control button. ==> The dialog messed up.Bug since 9.1.
ORG-10575Query Builder dialog failed to open.
ActiveQueryBuilderXControls.ocx file is not included in 9.1 builds. Added back now in 9.1 SR3 installation. Bug since 9.1.
Patch to sr3 will not fix it. User can reinstall Origin with 9.1 sr3 setup files or follow instruction on Origin 9.1 Known Issues to fix it.
Time which set to display as hh pm shows wrong
New bug since 9.1 sr0. Run the following Script
dd = 1.285104;
str$ = $(dd, T4); //T4: hh pm
str$ =;
==> returns 001:06 AM instead of 06 AM
The problem also exists in Format Cells dialog. It doesn't exist in Column Properties dialog.
Bug since 9.1.
ORG-10901"layer -3d r" fails after using vw to create video file
After using the vw object to create video file, "layer -3d r" command will fail with error "User Abort".
Bug since 9.1.
ORG-10969Dongle user see Notepad window when launching Origin 9.1KEYLOK said it is their problem, and gave new libs. So if you saw such message, please contact us to replace your dongle key. Bug since 9.1. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62841 |
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump Credit: REUTERS/Rick Wilking
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump Credit: REUTERS/Rick Wilking
That is a real winning policy for Christians—NOT!
He hates women.
He is immoral.
Trump famously does not drink, smoke, or do drugs.
He calls people names and is unkind.
He advocates violence.
To sum up: He’s not a saint
Trump Tower Chicago going up. https://flic.kr/p/cKATQ
Engineers for Trump sounds odd, because, like Spock, engineers are the ultra-logical, intelligent half-humans of the Earth, and all that matters to us are the facts, ma’am, the facts.
Then why on Earth would an engineer support real estate mogul and reality TV star Donald J. Trump for President of the United States?
Think about it. What does Trump do best? He builds buildings. What do engineers do for a living? Build buildings, as well as roads, dams, bridges, space ships, smart phones, diesel engines, and yes, WALLS.
So, engineers are basically in the same business as Trump. Engineers build things, and Trump is the guy that makes it all happen. The financial, legal, and political framework must be in place before an engineer begins to build a building, or manufacture a medical device, or machine an engine component.
But, you argue, “Trump is just a reality TV show performer.”
No, Trump used the platform of a reality TV show to build his global brand, to make himself more powerful and effective at what he really does, his art and true calling, which is to build magnificent buildings and resorts and golf courses, within budget and on time, and operate them profitably.
Think of all the engineering systems that go into a Trump building. There’s HVAC—heating, ventilation and air conditioning—and plumbing systems with pipes, pumps, sprinklers, cooling towers, boilers, sewage lines, water treatment and water recycling systems. Energy: electrical power for wall sockets, lighting, elevators, telecom and data centers, as well as all the HVAC and plumbing equipment. Plus backup energy systems, for when the power goes out. And natural gas for cooking in a Trump 4- or 5-star restaurant.
And all of these systems must fit into an aesthetically pleasing structure designed to support itself while withstanding earthquakes, blizzards, hurricanes, and terror attacks. And the building itself must be situated on grounds that include driveways, parking lots, lighting, landscaping, outbuildings—and swimming pools, water features, sand pits, fairways and putting greens.
So, you’re still asking me why would an engineer vote for Trump?
Because, you know, Trump LIES about his positions, denigrates women, and doesn’t know anything about world affairs or abortion rights, has no definite plans in place for education reform, and performs horribly in debates.
In other words, Trump is human.
(Side note: engineers are human, too–see Henry Petroski’s fabulous book To Engineer Is Human: The Role of Failure in Successful Design).
But human as he is, Trump accomplishes so much, and in the process gainfully employs so many hundreds of thousands of people all over the world, many of whom remain staunchly loyal.
At the most basic level, Trump IS an engineer. Because engineers (and here I include all technically trained or talented individuals) are the practical people that build things and GET THINGS DONE. Need to design a new problem-solving widget? Call an engineer. Computer or rocket engine acting up? Call an engineer. Need a new house, or road, or bridge? Call an engineer.
Country broken?
Call an engineer. Call Trump.
Follow me on Twitter.
MIT professor Gruber vs. “stupid American voters”
See UPDATE Below
Jonathan Gruber, MIT economist and sometime architect of the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) has a fancy mathematical model named after himself–the Gruber Microsimulation Model (GMSIM)*. This model forms the basis of Obamacare.
Gruber is The Ford Professor of Economics at MIT. He teaches a class in Public Finance and Public Policy to the impressionable young minds whose parents shell out thousands for a prestigious MIT education.
But he is also the Director of the National Bureau of Economic Research’s Program on Health Care from 2009-present. He was paid almost $400,000 in taxpayer money to provide technical assistance to the creators of Obamacare.
In this now-famous video, Gruber is very pleased with how he and the other architects of Obamacare pulled a fast one on the Congressional Budget Office (CBO). And how they carefully disguised the true effects of the law from “stupid American voters”:
Until recently, Democrat Senator Max Baucus was very pleased with Gruber and his GMSIM model, calling it “unbiased, like the Congressional Budget Office.” On the floor of the Senate, CSPAN recorded Baucus as saying that Gruber was the source of the figure batted around by Obama claiming Obamacare would save a family of four $2,500 a year (and we all know what a lie THAT was):
Baucus (from the CSPAN transcript):
In addition to CBO, MIT’s Jon Gruber has also done a study on premiums. And what does he conclude? He concludes, using Congressional Budget Office data, the Senate bill could mean people purchasing individual insurance would save every year $200 for single coverage and $500 for family coverage in 2009 dollars. Most people think he is one of the best outside experts. He has big computer models. He takes the CBO data and, in some respects, he has helped CBO by giving some information to CBO that
it otherwise does not have.
Mr. Gruber also points out that people with low incomes would receive premium tax credits that will reduce the price they pay for health insurance by as much as $2,500 to $7,500.
To help us “stupid Americans,” understand why Obamacare is such a wonderful invention, Gruber even wrote a comic book (or maybe you could call it a “graphic novel”).
Jonathan Gruber wrote a comic book explaining Obamacare
On FOX News, Megyn Kelly featured Gruber in a second video saying that “the American people are too stupid to understand.”
UPDATE: In yet a third video, Gruber talks about how they exploited the basic lack of understanding of the American voter, playing fast and loose with the truth by telling voters the new tax would fall on the INSURANCE companies for so-called “Cadillac Plans,” even though the Insurance companies would just pass the tax on to consumers.
He really thinks Americans are stupid, doesn’t he? So what are we going to do about it?
*About Gruber’s Model
According to a 2012 story in the New York Times, Gruber invented the concept of the Individual Mandate in Obamacare. Gruber has “nearly cornered the market on the technical science” of modeling health care laws. Furthermore, Gruber is “the only person you can go to for that kind of thing, which is why the White House reached out to him in the first place.”
Politicizing Climate Science – 3.0
UPDATE: See independent scientists’ critique of the National Climate Assessment.
With much fanfare, President Obama today released the final version of the Third National Climate Assessment (NCA). In order to impress upon the public that drastic changes in the weather, such as rain and heat and lightning and snowstorms, are caused by human activities, the Administration put on a dog-and-pony show, complete with TV Weather Presenter/Actor Al Roker.
The final NCA report contains hundreds of pages of dire warnings about how we despicable humans are causing climate disruptions of all sorts, due to carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions from power plants, factories and cars.
In advance of the parade of eight TV weatherpersons, White House counselor John Podesta announced, like John the Baptist in the wilderness preparing the Way of the Lord, that Republicans in Congress would not be able to stop the inevitable: Obama’s climate agenda.
word cloud - politicsPodesta’s pronouncement revealed that the real purpose of the latest report is to provide political cover for new Executive Orders, which will result in more environmental regulations designed to kill the coal industry and hamstring the rest of the country with “necessarily skyrocketing” electricity prices.
The Climate Science Supplement
Wanting to skip the report’s political palaver, Ms. Contrarian Scientist hunted for the science behind it, which, she hoped, could be found in one of the Appendices, labeled the “Climate Science Supplement.”
The Supplement was written by a long list of scientists, including Katherine Hayhoe, Evangelical Christian and former science adviser to Newt Gingrich.
Remember how, during the 2012 primaries, Newt recanted his former support for global warming and in the process, distanced himself from Ms. Hayhoe? Well, it’s payback time, and this is intended as a direct smear on Republicans. As for Ms. Hayhoe, she has become something of a celebrity in the global warming crowd these days.
After the Supplement’s list of authors, we find 12 “Supplemental Messages” that the scientists divined during their years-long assessment of the “best available science.”
These “messages” remind Ms. Contrarian Scientist of the “talking points” that Ben Rhodes wanted Susan Rice to emphasize on the Sunday Talk shows after the massacre of our Ambassador and three other Americans in Benghazi.
The very first Supplemental Message asserts that, although climate changes in the past have been caused by natural factors, human activities are now the dominant agents of change. Oh, really? Humans have more effect on the climate of Earth than the Sun? Or than the oceans, which cover 70 percent of the planet?
It was all too much. Ms. Contrarian Scientist had to take a break from the politics and leave the real science for another day. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62849 | Any idea why my csgo crashes to desktop after map load? o.O
I've played it normal, and closed later, the next time when i run it and wanted to watch some match it crashes go after map load and shows up error "Failed to start app bla bla.."
How to fix this?
Please help.
I didn't find the right solution from the Internet.
https://www.hltv.org/forums/threads/538 … -crashes-s
Digital advertising service |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62870 | Saturday Short: Close Enough, Part XI
“But I didn’t mean to!”
“Where does it go?”
“To the Other Side.”
She said nothing, but blanched in return.
Saturday Short: Close Enough, Part X
“That makes no sense.”
“—on the Other Side,” I finished.
“Where’d he go? He vanished!”
“No, he is waiting for us.”
Saturday Short: Close Enough, Part IX
“One what?”
“The River is boiling.”
Saturday Short: Close Enough, Part VIII
“I do not…”
“You can’t—“
“Did you go to your parents a fortnight ago?”
“Were you at your parents or not?”
“Where did you go?”
“I missp—“
“To Deeping Market. There was a festival…”
“How did…”
“No, not at all.”
Saturday Short: Close Enough, Part VII
“Die?!” Sami slammed the greenhouse door as raced to catch up to me. She grabbed my arm; I didn’t want to stop, but did. “All I did…I don’t know what I did.”
“I know and that’s the problem.” I took two more steps toward the house before turning back around. “And, yes, you could very well die.”
I looked around the yard and didn’t see what I needed. “Silas!” I yelled. “You are called!”
“The cat? What could he—“ Sami was wise enough to stop talking as I settled my glare on her.
“In the house, now. Stay in your room. Don’t go by the window and do nothing until I come and get you.”
To her credit, she didn’t argue. She did flounce into the house, but that was neither here nor there.
Rain began falling as I secured the gate at the end of the walkway to the house. Thank the Sisterhood I’d repaired the crossbeams on the fence after the last of the snowmelt earlier in the year. It was not a lovely looking barrier, not with the roses in need of deadheading, but it was sturdy. I would take steadiness over beauty any day, but especially today.
Thunder rolled across the sky as I ran for cover on the porch, wiping the rain from my forehead. Still no sign of Silas. If he was much later, it would call for more desperate measures.
“If Vinia’s pride costs me another…” I would not finish such thoughts outloud. Hatred was not, unlike the popular trope a useful catalyst for power. It was the corrosive rot. I was opening the door when lightening split the sky and a dark shadow launched itself over the gate as if hellhounds were after it.
“Inside! Get inside!”
I ducked on instinct as Silas bounded over me and slammed the door shut behind us, tumbling backwards onto the floor as the door shook in its frame.
“Too close,” I muttered.
“Yes. I don’t want to use up another life, especially not on your damnable apprentice.”
I nodded. I had no desire to use up any more of my life on her either, but life never much cared about my thoughts.
“How bad?”
Silas licked the back of his paw where the hairs were singed. “The mountain is moving. He’s coming. She’s spilled blood.”
Sunday Short: Close Enough, Part VI
But I would not let him win so easily.
Saturday Short: Close Enough, Part V
“You want to get rid of me?” Sami slammed the hallway door shaking its frame.
“I see you’ve been listening.” I began wiping down the counter of useless, wetted flour and moved to the much smaller space by the stove to resume kneading the dough.
“What? I….”
The silence would not last. But it was nice for the moment as Sami puzzled her way through which subject was of most importance to her. I knew what would win, in the end, but focused on kneading until she did, too.
Down and back, pushing and pulling the lump of dough as the surface tightened and began to hold, pulling away from the counter to cling to itself. It never failed to amaze me how simple flour and water could turn into something so much more than the sum of its parts.
“That’s not important!”
Ah, the silence was over. And no sign of Silas. Sometimes, not infrequently, I envied that cat.
“And what is? Clearly not your studies.” I placed the ball of dough in the bowl and covered it with a towel before I turned to Sami who had an expression on her face I did not expect.
“You want to get rid of me?” she repeated in a hush.
“You have made it clear you are not interested in what I have to teach you. You chafe against everything I have you do. Would you not be happier with another mentor?”
“I….” she trailed off as the first tears began rolling down her cheeks.
Tears, like rain, too often came without warning. Perhaps I was a fool.
“Sit down.” I motioned to seat that Vinia had vacated in a huff. Sami collapsed in it and stared at her hands. I poured her a fresh mug of tea and one for myself as I sat down beside her, already wishing it were time for bed.
“I don’t want to go. Please don’t make me.” She hadn’t touched her tea. She sniffled and wiped her face against her sleeve. I gave her my handkerchief, which she knotted in her hand.
“It appears you are stuck with me and I with you.”
“So declares the Sisterhood.” I sipped my tea and felt the burn against the roof of my mouth. “But tell me, why would you want to stay?”
“I have nowhere else to go. And…” She looked away, out the window at the rainclouds roiling by.
“And I’m afraid.”
“Ah. At last, we have something in common.”
And we finished our tea in silence as we waited for the sun.
Saturday Short: Close Enough, Part IV
Some people like surprises. They like the unexpected. They revel in the entropy of life.
I am not one of those people.
I went to the sink to wash the rest of the flour off of my hands and the dough that was sticking to the underside of my nails. There was nothing to be done in the time it would take a rider to reach my front door about flour in my hair or apron.
Silas had made himself scarce as had Sami. The one time the girl did not want to be first to the door. A peal of thunder shook the sky. I took a deep breath that turned into a sigh.
The rider pulled the reigns of her horse sharply and the horse skittered to a stop. Mud sprayed and caught the hem of the rider’s traveling cloak. Somehow, that was going to be my fault. Everything with Vinia was always my fault and had been since we were both apprentices.
She daintily hopped between the puddles forming on the path to the front door. Sami had complained it was not stone or brick, but merely packed dirt. It seemed, in this instance, she had a point. Another part of me hoped Vinia would fall and cover her enter backside with mud. That was a part of me that I did not voice.
I opened the door before she could knock. She almost rapped my nose instead and cut me off before I could speak.
“I suppose this is your doing.”
“You know as well as I that no one controls the weather.”
She huffed. “Are you going to make me catch cold on your doorstep as well?”
I gestured for her to come in and she flounced by me, not bothering to remove her shoes. I ground my teeth and held back a curse while lightening crashed over my neighbor’s field.
She had seated herself without asking, folding her hands carefully on the table. Her riding gloves in a pile, pooling water on the flour making it useless. Great Mother, why did you always send me such trials?
I pulled the kettle from the stove and poured to mugs of tea, waiting for her to start talking. Vinia hated being rushed and would only be longer if I showed any signs of impatience. So I waited, feeling Sami’s eyes on my back, as she thought I did not know about the knothole in the door to the back hallway.
”I had to come all this way, through this horrible storm, because you were complaining about your apprentice…again.” She tried to fluff her hem. “Why do you keep causing problems for me?”
I blew on my tea. “I simply believe she would be better served with a more compatible mentor. Do not we all want what is best for the Sisterhood?”
“Of course, but do you dare to think you know what’s best?”
“Only when it comes to mentoring apprentices.”
Her face clouded at my words. Of course she would find slight where none was meant.
“You will do what the Sisterhood asks of you and you will ensure your apprentice is ready by the next cycle of testing.” She stood up and grabbed her gloves, spraying droplets across the table and into my tea. “Do not bother Mother with your complaints again.”
In my younger years, I would have had a retort. Now, I was glad she would be going so soon.
Vinia stomped to the door and yanked it open. She turned and hissed at me, “Don’t think about trying to go around me. Focus on getting that apprentice ready or…”
“Or what?” I leaned closer. “What more could you possibly do or want from me?”
She glared and turned away without answering.
When she had mounted her horse, I called. “Vinia, what is my apprentice’s name?”
She opened her mouth, but if she spoke, it was lost to the wind and rain as she kicked her horse into a trot.
I smiled and when I closed the door, it stopped raining.
Close Enough: Part III
If Sami’s mood could have influenced the weather, there would have been a hurricane, tsunami, and an earthquake the next morning. But only a Sister could do that. Thankfully. And I was not in the mood to converse with the weather gods. Sunshine was fine with me. Sami’s sulking, however, was not. A bird had brought word this morning that the weather around the Sisterhood’s compound was not nearly so balmy and that one was riding out towards my homestead this morning.
Thankfully the bird had only seen the colors of the forest trees and stream on the bridle of the horse and coat of the rider.
Mother was not coming, not yet.
Even still a visit, an unplanned visit, usually did not go in my favor. But I would not let Sami see that as she stabbed her broom at the dust rather than sweeping and continued to mutter under her breath.
“You will have to do much better in your studies than that to curse me,” I said without looking up from kneading the dough on the counter.
She started. It was unmistakable even in peripheral vision. She, like others, assumed failing hearing was simply an inevitability with age.
“The dust has had enough. Move on to your lessons.”
“But I haven’t even had breakfast!”
“And whose fault is that?” I stopped kneading to look at her. I wished my face would stay impassive, but I knew it didn’t by Sami’s deepening scowl.
“Yours! You locked me out. I couldn’t get in all night. I still have grass in my hair!”
“And what in the name of the Sisterhood does that have to do with not eating breakfast?”
“I…assumed that would be part of my…punishment?”
I took a deep breath before replying. Dear Sisters, give me strength. “You assumed. Do not assume. It could get you killed or, in this case, almost miss breakfast. There is still some on the stove.”
Sami dropped the broom at once and practically dove for the pot still simmering on the stovetop. I resisted both the urge to scold her and to grab the broom with my flour-drenched hands. She was quiet and I could focus on finishing the bread in peace. The morning was looking up, then Silas jumped up into the open kitchen window.
“Are you expecting visitors today?” he asked as he smoothed a patch of fur on his head.
“Then perhaps you should. There’s a rider coming up the lane. She looks like she’s eaten a chokeberry.”
And, of course, it began to rain.
Saturday Short: Close Enough, Part II
I did not see Sami for the rest of the day. Her chores were left unfinished and I found the rosebush laying in a pile of dirt on the floor of the greenhouse. Its pot shattered around it and its petals scattered like forgotten confetti. I repotted it with deliberate care as I considered and rejected various forms of torture as punishment for such ignoble behavior.
The Sisterhood was fortunate I was so loyal as to not throw Sami out without another word.
Sami was fortunate I had renounced physical violence after the last war. Other forms of violence had always been off-limits, not for my lack of skill but because my stomach could not handle the devastation my words and magic could rain down like a well-honed scythe.
Instead, I wrote a note to the current Mother of the Sisterhood and sent it by way of fox. Again, I reiterated my case on why Sami should be expelled as an apprentice and my concern over the lax standards of recruitment. It read like a letter from an old woman and I had to consider the possibility that I was one.
It did not bother me.
The rest of my time was spent preparing for the coming winter with jars filled and boiled with the harvest of the day. It was hot, delicate work and it was perfect for ignoring my problems.
“It’s a shame there is no fish for canning,” Silas said as he pushed the screened door open on his way into the kitchen.
“Fish does not agree with your stomach,” I replied without taking my eyes off the strawberry jam about to burst into a boil.
He huffed and coiled himself back to jump.
“Stay off the counter and I will get you cream.”
“Fine.” He then ignored me and began cleaning himself, which was fine with me.
He had his cream and I had my jam cooling on the counter before the sun lowered itself enough to begin calling the time evening.
There was still no sign of Sami when Silas stretched and left the kitchen to begin whatever rounds he made at night. I never asked. It would have been impolite.
I washed up and retired to my room after securing the house. I no longer trusted my memory nor the house, if I were honest, to make sure it was locked tight when the sun went down. There were portents that only the oblivious would not see. I had been called many things over the years, but that was not one of them.
I dosed my light and fell asleep to the sounds of the breeze across the meadows. I did not dream.
I awoke with a start, my hear racing as the house shuddered. Someone was trying to break in. I grabbed the crowbar I kept under my bed and was about to race downstairs when I heard the person swear.
I placed the crowbar back under my bed and climbed back under the covers. The banging and swearing continued, though the house shook it off as it came to the same realization I had. It would do Sami some good to sleep outside tonight. After all, fresh air was healthy and it would not hurt her though she might be sore in the morning from bedding down in the barn. But that was not my concern. I smiled as I closed my eyes and returned to sleep. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62879 | Winter's Chilling Ride: Protecting Your Elevator From Cold Weather Hazards
Construction & Contractors Blog
If this is your company's first winter in a building with an elevator, you need to be proactive about dealing with the cold temperatures. Understanding the problems that cold weather can cause will help you to prevent some costly complications with your elevator system. Here are a few tips to avoid some of the more significant threats that winter can pose.
Keep the hydraulic oil warm. The cold weather can cause the hydraulic oil to become cold, which can thicken the oil and slow it down. This can interfere with the function of the elevator, causing problems like incorrect leveling or improper lift response. The best way to avoid this kind of problem is to keep the hydraulic oil warm. You can do this in several ways. If your elevator equipment is all housed in a machine room, make sure the temperature of that room stays warm. Otherwise, you can install a tank heater in the oil reservoir. This will radiate heat to the oil, allowing it to flow freely.
Lubricate the guide rails regularly. During the winter months, the cold, dry air can actually cause the guide rail lubricant to dry out. This causes friction between those guide rails and the elevator lift. If you're hearing grinding, squealing or other odd noises from the elevator shaft when you call the elevator, that could be why. Hire an elevator maintenance technician to inspect the rails and lubricate them regularly throughout the winter season.
Test the backup system. Your elevator's battery backup system is essential for ensuring that the elevator can lower to the main floor in the event of a power failure. With winter's threat of ice and snow storms comes the threat of power failures. Have the battery backup system tested monthly if possible so that you can be sure that it will respond when you need it.
Set the elevator's home floor to a warmer floor. If the elevator normally sits on the basement level until it's called, that can lead to cold temperatures inside the elevator. If it gets cold enough, it can actually interfere with the button panel and the elevator's operation. You can avoid this by having the elevator programmed to rest on a climate-controlled floor instead. For example, you can have it automatically return to the first floor where your lobby area is any time it's not in use. Or, you can program it to automatically wait on the last floor it stopped at until it's called to another one. This keeps the elevator car out of the cold temperatures. It also keeps its temperature more comfortable for your clients and employees.
18 August 2016
Custom Kitchen Creation: What You Should Know Before Getting Started
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62896 | Friday, December 14, 2018
John played Judge Riley in Redford's film, "The Conspirators." Producer-director, Redford and John had long conversations. The film, shot in 2010, wasn't a big hit, but for John it was a hit experience.
Director Redford talked at length, quite passionately, about how and why he got involved with the subject of the film--the assassination of President Lincoln. Then. he explained why he needed strong energy from the Judge and dug into John's background. Though the Judge was not a major leading role, Redford patiently, persistently, searched with John for ways for John to achieve what Redford wanted.
Quite often, a director gets what he wants by encouraging the actor to do more or less what the actor does at the first group-reading of the script; sometimes, with just a few words, a director expresses his own thoughts; sometimes, what a director says is confusing, and even annoying. John says Redford's searching with him was fascinating, and very unusual.
Anyhow, though I don't know Redford, my husband's comments fit and expanded my impression. The look of Robert Redford speaks to me, and the choices he's made about what roles, which scripts, what subjects were important to him.
Many film titles come to mind--"The Candidate," and of course "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid," but there are many other favorite films and images. What I've rustled up from my years of seeing this actor, is a sense of a quiet, inner man, who feels what he feels, uses his feelings and is always himself, but never himself.
Always himself but never himself? Yes. And in each project (not because of makeup, hair, or the outfit), the man is different.
Can you say who his wife, or wives were? Does he have children? Do you know where his home is. Does he have homes in Hollywood, New York City, as well as near where his project, the Sundance Institute and Festival, takes place.
Sundance showcases new work from American and international independent filmmakers--feature-length films, short films, and miscellaneous other films, and uniquely affects the art. Redford created it, maintains it, and built it, so that it sustains itself.
He's a busy, active movie-going movie-maker, and actor who talks about retiring, announced his retirement, and hasn't retired, who has given me (and maybe you) experiences--visions of relationships, stories, and quite often a sense of family loyalties--perhaps beyond what we have personally experienced.
What a guy! After all that he's done and been to the world-- the whole world--he waved.
Here he's is, talking abut the fun he had, filming the last film he made that's gotten raves.
Monday, December 10, 2018
Can you increase your IQ? Yes.
After the last few days of horrendous political revelations, hey, gee, this is certainly the time to get smarter, wiser, brighter.
Newsweek cover story, nine fact filled pages, that was published six years ago proves that you can.
Studies and tests showed how "gray matter"(neurons) increase with use, and decrease when they're not used. Stimulants, pills, and aerobic exercise for the brain can improve your short term and long term memory, enhance your ability to retain information, and increase your attention span.
The piece de resistance of the article was 31 WAYS TO GET SMARTER--an illustrated list with comments by users. Websites, bloggers, and radio stations shared the Newsweek article with their readers. Googling around, I saw 89 versions of the 31 WAYS, with their own users comments.
Back then, 31 ways to better your brain became a hot topic. I boiled it down to the 14 things that sort of made sense to me:
(1) Play Word Games with Friends.
(2) Eat Turmeric [Indian spice that can reduce dementia].
(3) Take up Taekwondo [Martial arts].
(4) Toss Your Smartphone.
(5) Get a lot of Sleep [Harvard researchers proved it helps].
(6) Build a ‘Memory Palace [associate things with vivid images].
(7) Learn a Language.
(8) Eat Dark Chocolate.
(9) Play Violent Video Games [it quicken reactions].
(10) Eat Yogurt.
(11) See a Shakespeare Play.
(12) Play a Musical Instrument.
(13) Write By Hand.
(14) Drink Coffee.
If you'd like to see exactly what Newsweek said, here's the link.
Guys, "Newsweek" was telling us if you want to be smarter you gotta use your brain more, get busier, do 14 or 31, or more--51-101 MORE things than what you're doing now.
We are living in the age of doing stuff faster, not necessarily better--go with the flow--keep going with the flowing ways of todays chittery, jittery, chirpering top guys. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62897 |
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Ningbo Cixing Co., Ltd. supports “Key Technology and Industrialization of Fully Automatic Computerized Flat Knitting Machines
The National Science and Technology Awards Conference were held in the Great Hall of the People in Beijing. Party and state leaders Xi Jinping, Li Keqiang, Liu Yunshan, and Zhang Gaoli attended the conference and awarded reward certificates to the prize-winners. Ningbo Cixing Co., Ltd “supported the key technologies and industrialization of fully automatic computerized flat knitting machine equipment for industrial internet” and won the second prize of National Science and Technology Progress. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62905 | Tuesday, February 01, 2011
I slept at 3am last night, which is rather unusual for me these days.
For the past year or so, I have been going to bed before 12 o'clock midnight everyday, even on days when I'm not working.
And we woke up at 6.50am this morning because Bee needed to pick up the things he had on hold at our local Officeworks.
Yes, in case you are wondering, it had something to do with the whole Logitech 100% cashback redemption promotion thingy.
We (read: Bee) managed to get four products we wanted from Officeworks and one from Dick Smith.
(There is a limit of 5 items per household.)
By the way, I never realised that Dick Smith is so much more expensive than Officeworks. For the same item, we were charged $20.70 more at Dick Smith than from Officeworks.
There are also rumours saying that Dick Smith specially jacked up the prices for those few particular items since they already anticipated to get an influx of sales due to the promotion. Well, that is pretty dodgy, if you asked me.
I guess I shouldn't be complaining, since we are among the lucky ones who are getting 100% cashback on those items purchased. *Fingers crossed* I just thought it's a bit unfair for those who ended up losing out on the promotion because the high prices charged by certain retailers also meant that the $300,000 limit on rebate will run out much quicker than it should have been if everyone had stuck to their usual competitive pricing.
But hey, it's not personal, it's just business. *Shrugs*
On a different note, the heatwave is still roasting Melbourne and it's scorching hot! On a day like this, I thank God for creating the person who invented air-conditioning.
Bee and I took a nap together in the afternoon to make up for our loss of sleep, and played a little Guitar Hero after that.
I was supposed to do some filing of documents (which I've been putting off for months) in the evening, but as usual, I procrastinated. :|
Alright, let's get back on track and talk about the purpose of this entry, which is also the reason behind the post title.
Over the years that I've maintained this blog, every now and then I get random emails from readers who asked the following question:
"How do I know if he/she is the one?"
Well, I gotta say I'm no expert, and I honestly do not know the answer to that question.
(If there is even an answer to that question.)
But here's a thought.
As Bee and I were prepping our brunch in the kitchen today, I took out one of those pre-packed diet meals I occasionally have and casually said to Bee, "Honey, maybe you should eat this. It's Tuna and Fresh Vegetables, but I hate tuna!"
Looking up from the sink, my husband said, "Okay, sure. But why did you buy it in the first place since you hate tuna?"
"Oh they only had 5 of my usual Chicken and Pasta, and I needed an extra one for the discount, so I thought I'd buy this for you." I said while still having my head stuck in the pantry.
He burst out laughing, came over, took me into his arms, kissed me on the forehead and said, "Am I a sadist or abnormal in any way? If not, why do I find you absolutely adorable for saying that?"
That's when I realised I basically just said, like it's the most natural thing in the world and rightfully so, "Bee, I hate tuna. But since I bought it already, could you please eat it and tell me how it tastes like?"
And my husband found that lovely about me. Oh God bless that silly man!
Normally he doesn't even eat any of those pre-packed meals, for goodness' sake! And I asked him to have it just because I hate tuna but didn't want it to go to waste.
What a normal person would take offence or see as a selfish (albeit an unintended one) act on my part, my husband finds it irresistibly cute.
So yes, my dearest fellow readers, I guess the right person is the one who would find your less than attractive traits more than charming and delightful, and even adore you for them.
One who could still love you during those times when you are unlovable to others.
That's the One. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62925 | What is Sleep...
and why do we do it?
We spend about 8 hours/day, 56 hours/week, 240 hours/month and 2,920 hours/year doing it...that's right...SLEEPING. We apparently spend one third of our lives doing nothing. But is sleep really doing nothing? It looks like it...our eyes are closed, our muscles are relaxed, our breathing is regular, and we do not respond to sound or light. If you take a look at what is happening inside of your brain, however, you will find quite a different situation - the brain is very active. You are doing something!
Scientists can record brain activity by attaching electrodes to the scalp and then connecting these electrodes to a machine called an electroencephalograph. The encephalogram (or EEG) is the record of brain activity recorded with this machine. The wavy lines of the EEG are what most people know as "brain waves."
Stages of Sleep
Sleep follows a regular cycle each night. The EEG pattern changes in a predictable way several times during a single period of sleep. There are two basic forms of sleep: rapid eye movement (REM) sleep and non-rapid REM (NREM) sleep. (REM sleep is sometimes called "paradoxical sleep.") Infants spend about 50% of their sleep time in NREM and 50% in REM sleep. Adults spend about 20% of their sleep time in REM and 80% in NREM sleep. Elderly people spend less than 15% of their sleep time in REM sleep.
These lines represent the EEG (electroencephalogram) which shows a record of brain activity; the EMG (electromyogram) shows muscle activity; the EOG (electroculogram) shows eye movements. Look at the differences in the EEG, EMG and EOG during waking, REM sleep (Rapid Eye Movement Sleep) and NREM sleep.
REM Sleep
Most dreaming occurs during REM sleep. During REM sleep, a person's eyes move back and forth rapidly. Sleep researchers discovered this when they woke people up during REM sleep. Often when people in REM sleep wake up, they say that they were just dreaming. The EEG pattern during REM sleep is similar to the EEG pattern when people are awake. However, the muscle activity is very quiet during REM sleep. Muscles are inactive to prevent us from acting out our dreams. This also means that sleepwalkers are not in REM sleep and are not acting out their dreams.
NREM sleep is actually 4 different stages of sleep (Stage 1, Stage 2, Stage 3 and Stage 4) with different EEG patterns. Stages 3 and 4 are sometimes called slow wave sleep.
StageEEG Rate
EEG Size
Awake8-25 HzLow
16-8 HzLow
24-7 Hz
Occasional "sleep spindles"
Occasional "K" complexes
31-3 HzHigh
4Less than 2 HzHigh
REMMore than 10 HzLow
coasterWhile we are asleep, our brains are on a bit of a "roller-coaster" through different stages of sleep. As we drift off to sleep, we first enter stage 1 sleep. After a few minutes, the EEG changes to stage 2 sleep, then stage 3 sleep, then stage 4 sleep. Then it's back up again: stage 3, stage 2, then a period of REM sleep...then it's back down again, and back up again, and down again...you get the picture. As shown in the figure below, in an 8 hour period of sleep, the brain cycles through these stages about 4-5 times.
Age-related changes in total amount of sleep and REM Sleep
Data from Roffwarg et al., Ontogenetic development of the human sleep-dream cycle, Science, 152:604-619, 1966
Sleep patterns change as people age. As shown in the two graphs above, infants spend more time sleeping and spend a greater percentage of sleep in REM sleep compared with the times of older children and adults. For example, newborn babies sleep about 16 hours per day and spend about 50% of that time in REM sleep. Older people (50-85 years old) sleep only 5.75-6 hours per day and spend 13.8-15% of that time in REM sleep.
As you might expect, as children grow, they spend less time sleeping during the day. The graph below illustrates how nighttime and daytime sleep time changes with age.
Data from Howard, B.J. and Wong, J. Sleep disorders, Pediatrics in Review, 22:327-341, 2001.
Did you know?
Did you ever think about how much you sleep and dream? The "average" human sleeps about 8 hours every day. That's one third of your life! In other words, you sleep for about 122 days every year. A 75 year old person would have spent a total of about 25 years asleep. There is a wide range in the amount of time different animals spend sleeping.
As for dreaming...we enter REM sleep about 5 times in an average 8 hour period of sleep. If we assume that we dream during each of these REM periods, then in one year, we will have had 1,825 dreams! Of course we don't remember all of these dreams. A 75 year old person would have about 136,875 dreams!
Why Sleep?
Why sleep at all? It seems like a big waste of time. Think of all you could be doing if you did not sleep. Nevertheless, sleep appears to be necessary. There is a continuing debate about why we sleep. Why do most animals sleep? How much sleep is required?
Most "higher" animals appear to sleep during some portion of the day and/or night. - they are quiet; they rest; they do not move. Scientists have recorded sleep-like EEG patterns in birds, reptiles and mammals, but it is not clear if insects and other invertebrates also sleep.
1. Sleep has a restorative function.
2. Sleep has an adaptive function.
Sleep as a Restorative Process
This theory of sleep suggests that sleep helps the body recover from all the work it did while an animal was awake. Experiments have shown that the more physical exercise an animal does, the more NREM an animal will have. Also, if people are deprived of NREM by waking them up each time they get to stage 4 sleep, then they complain of being physically tired. If people are deprived of REM sleep by waking them up each time the have REM type EEG patterns, they can get anxious and irritable. If animals are deprived of REM for several days and then allowed to get an undisturbed period of sleep, animals will go into "REM rebound" - this is when REM periods of sleep will happen more often and for a longer time than normal. Sleep has also been thought to be important for memory and learning.
Sleep as an Adaptive Process
Sleep may have developed because of a need of animals to protect themselves. For example, some animals search for food and water during the day because it is easier to see when the sun is out. When it is dark, it is best for these animals to save energy, avoid getting eaten, and avoid falling off a cliff that they cannot see. It is interesting to note which animals sleep the most and which sleep the least. In general, animals that serve as food for other animals sleep the least.
Highlights from the National Sleep Foundation's 2001 Sleep in America telephone survey of 1,004 adults:
• 63% of the surveyed adults get less than the recommended eight hours of sleep per night; 31% get less than seven hours.
• 40% of surveyed adults in the US report having trouble staying awake during the day.
• Over the last five years, people in the US have worked more and slept less.
• Eight out of ten people said that they would sleep more if they knew it would improve their health and memory.
Did you know?
• Sleep disorders affect up to 70 million people in the United States. This costs about $100 billion each year in accidents, medical bills and lost work. (Statistic from Brain Facts, Society for Neuroscience, 2002)
• Sleepwalking is also known as "somnambulism"; sleeptalking is also known as "somniloquy."
Try these sleep experiments on your own.
Do you like interactive word search puzzles? Make sure your browser is "java-enabled" and try this one:
• Sleep Puzzle
For more information about sleep, see:
1. Sleeping Well in the Digital Age
2. The Science of Sleep - CBS News
3. TalkAboutSleep.com
4. Brain Basics - Understanding Sleep
5. National Sleep Foundation
6. Insomniacs.co.uk
7. Dare to Drive Drowsy
They said it!
"Early to bed, and early to rise,
makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise."
--- Benjamin Franklin, 1758 (in Poor Richard's Almanack)
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep."
--- Robert Frost, 1923 (in Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening)
"Sleep is better than medicine."
--- English Proverb
"The beginning of health is sleep."
--- Irish Proverb
"In sleep we are all equal."
--- Spanish Proverb
"Disease and sleep keep far apart."
--- Welsh Proverb
"Dreaming of eating will not satisfy the hungry."
--- African Proverb
--- Thomas Edison, inventor
--- Isaac Asimov, science fiction writer
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Post subject: Using the FrontPage Extensions and publishing with FrontPage
PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 8:46 am
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1 ) How to add or remove FPE support for a subdomain or a domain?
Go to the FrontPage Extensions section of the control panel. Mark the checkboxes in front of the subdomains, for which you would like to use FPE and press the Apply button.
2 ) What are Front Page extensions?
Microsoft FrontPage is a WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get) web building software. FrontPage requires special 'extensions' installed on the server. If you do not have Front Page Extensions installed you will need to do so from your control panel.
In the Web Control Panel, select “Front Page Extensions” using the menus to navigate. A new page will open and you will be able to select the virtual host, for which to install FPE to.
3 ) Does it cost extra?
No, using FrontPage Extensions does not cost you extra.
4 ) I use Front Page for creating my website. Do I need the Front Page extensions in order to get my site working?
Yes, it is necessary to use Front Page extensions in order for your website to work properly.
5 ) Publishing your website with Front Page.
After you have built your web pages on your hard disk, you can upload them to our server. Once this is done, your pages will be viewable from the web. However, you must follow these instructions :
3. Enter the location, where you want to publish your FrontPage web site. (http://www.yourdomain.com - if you are using a free subdomain type it without www infront). Then hit the Enter key on your keyboard.
IMPORTANT: Use “http://www.yourdomain.com” (if you are using a free subdomain type it without www infront) as the Destination Web Server to publish to our server. Leave the 'Destination Web Name' blank.
4. Use the following username and password:
Username: your account username
Password: your FTP password
6 ) How come ONLY my index page is not loading when I publish my site?
Right click index.html (in FrontPage), select 'Properties' -> select Workgroup. Chances are that you have checked off 'Exclude this file when publishing the rest of the web.' - check it.
7 ) How do I BACKUP my website using FrontPage?
Open your web in FrontPage. Next, in your folder list:
1. Click on the little (minus) sign so that it changes to a plus and pulls all of your files into the one directory named: http://yourdomain.com/
It should also be highlighted now.
2. Go to 'File'
Choose 'Publish Web'
Click 'Browse'
Now, select your desktop. We suggest you create a folder on your desktop called 'BackUp'.
3. Now, select the backup folder, and click 'Open'
4. Lastly, Click 'Publish'
That's all. You may get some queries, but that's basically the whole process. The program will copy/publish your entire site to that folder of your choice.
8 ) Create your website online with FrontPage.
Open FrontPage 2000 (2002).
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YOU MUST put it in in this format or it will not work.
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THIS should load your entire site, where you will be able to dynamically edit the entire site.
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Once your FrontPage Web is published and online, you will need to access it to make updates and changes. Be sure that you are connected to the internet before attempting to open your web on our server.
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10 ) I am using FrontPage. Does this conflict with some of the other options of your site?
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62944 | • Content Count
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1. danwat1234
Any word of new 2.5 drives above 2 TB?
Why would you get a 2TB SMR drive, when there are 9.5mm 2.5" 2TB drives that don't use SMR? Spinpoint M9T and whatever Seagate calls it now.
2. My Samsung/Seagate 2TB M9T 9.5mm 5400RPM drive has been working flawlessly with a power on time of 638 days spinning and I think reviews of it generally are very good. I would get the FireCuda model, hybrid is better than straight mechanical. Same with vehicles. A bit extra cost with good performance boost at times.
3. danwat1234
Any word of new 2.5 drives above 2 TB?
Still nothing more than 2TB for 9.5mm/12.5mm after 3 years with the free Samsung/Seagate Spinpoint M9T I got from Storagereview, LOL. Come on HD manufactures! Bring out a 4 platter 1TB/platter 12.5mm thick drive for me and 3 platter 1TB/platter 9.5mm drive too!
4. Since they have been doing the study for 6+ years now, I'm curious what the percentage of failure rates are for 5, 6, etc year old 24/7 spinning consumer drives are. https://www.extremetech.com/computing/170748-how-long-do-hard-drives-actually-live-for <--- 2013 article
5. danwat1234
Seagate Mobile HDD Review Discussion
How many platters? SMR? If 2 1TB platters, hey let's get on with a 3TB 9.5mm drive!
6. I wonder if the Western Digital / Hitachi Scorpio Black 1TB drive WD10JPLX is a rebadged Travelstar 7K1000.. Probably so.
7. It takes 12V not just 5V for chips?
8. How has the specification adopted SMR and what were the goals of that? More efficiency/speed with writes to an SMR drive somehow and reporting of potential performance degradation?
9. So,.. 2 platters at 1000GB/platter? That's quite a jump from the 667GB/platter Samsung M9T 2TB or 750GB/platter Toshiba MQ03ABB300. Hope they make a 3TB 3 platter 9.5mm and a 4TB 12.5mm drive too and 64GB NAND hybrid models of each! Does this use HaMR or SMR or just traditional PMR? It's quite a jump, gotta be more density/area than the 1.2TB/platter of the WD 6TB green drive for instance.
10. Laptops are used as the primary computers for a lot of people. We can use external drives but more capacity internal to the laptop is welcome. Some high end laptops have m.2 SSD slots and also a mechanical drive bay. I see a M9T 2TB for $75, new, free shipping on Ebay right now and usually about $95. Cheap too. A lot of laptops you can't configure from the factory with this drive even. EDIT:You could argue that with desktop PCs and external 3.5" drives, that there really isn't any demand for larger drives their too, because 6TB is enough. But that space will still grow from helium/SMR and later, HaMR after the server market even if most people don't need it. So why not laptop drives too. First the external 2.5" 4 platter ones, then the 9.5mm 3 platter ones and 1 platter 5mm and 2 platter 7mm ones. EDIT: Also amazing laptop manufacturers like Lenovo and others still don't allow this drive as an option from the factory. "Up to 1TB" blah blah
11. Pretty amazing, 2 years later, still WD and others have not made a 2TB 9.5mm 2.5" hard drive to match this drive.
12. 10.8 watts at idle, 16.3 watts when operating. That is unlikely for both 5V and 12V to combine to that amount of power/waste heat at the same time for any length of time. Using Helium, it's supposed to be quit energy efficient. 7 platters PMR+SMR+helium
13. Wonder if you can put in a Samsung M9T 2TB drive in the SATA slot.
14. danwat1234
Crucial BX200 SSD Review Discussion
The pricing isn't that great. Go on Ebay, good deals on higher-end SSDs. I think I saw a 480GB 850 EVO for only $20 more than the 500GB Crucial on Amazon |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62945 | French and Indian War
French and Indian War
Taken directly from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
French and Indian War
Part of the Seven Years’ War
French and indian war map.svg
The war theater
Date 1754–1763
North America
Result British victory
Commanders and leaders
Casualties and losses
• 1,512 killed in action
• 1,500 died of wounds
• 10,400 died of disease[3]
The French and Indian War (1754–1758) pitted the colonies of British America against those of New France, each side supported by military units from the parent country and by American Indian allies. At the start of the war, the French colonies had a population of roughly 60,000 settlers, compared with 2 million in the British colonies.[4] The outnumbered French particularly depended on the Indians.
The European nations declared a wider war upon one another overseas in 1756, two years into the French and Indian war, and some view the French and Indian War as being merely the American theater of the worldwide Seven Years’ War of 1756–63; however, the French and Indian War is viewed in the United States as a singular conflict which was not associated with any European war.[5] French Canadians call it Guerre de la Conquête (“War of the Conquest”)[6][7] The French and Indian War ended in 1758 with the British American victory in the Ohio Country, although conflict continued in Canada and overseas between Great Britain and France which did not involve American forces. Citation by Web Design Wexford
The British colonists were supported at various times by the IroquoisCatawba, and Cherokee tribes, and the French colonists were supported by Wabanaki Confederacy member tribes Abenaki and Mi’kmaq, and the AlgonquinLenapeOjibwaOttawaShawnee, and Wyandot tribes. Fighting took place primarily along the frontiers between New France and the British colonies, from the Province of Virginia in the south to Newfoundland in the north. It began with a dispute over control of the confluence of the Allegheny River and Monongahela River called the Forks of the Ohio, and the site of the French Fort Duquesne in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The dispute erupted into violence in the Battle of Jumonville Glen in May 1754, during which Virginia militiamen under the command of 22-year-old George Washington ambushed a French patrol.
The British colonial government fell in the region of Nova Scotia after several disastrous campaigns in 1757, including a failed expedition against Louisbourg and the Siege of Fort William Henry; this last was followed by Indians torturing and massacring their colonial victims. William Pitt came to power and significantly increased British military resources in the colonies at a time when France was unwilling to risk large convoys to aid the limited forces that they had in New France, preferring to concentrate their forces against Prussia and its allies who were now engaged in the Seven Years’ War in Europe. Between 1758 and 1760, the British military launched a campaign to capture French Canada. They succeeded in capturing territory in surrounding colonies and ultimately the city of Quebec (1759). The British later lost the Battle of Sainte-Foy west of Quebec (1760), but the French ceded Canada in accordance with the Treaty of Paris (1763).
France also ceded its territory east of the Mississippi to Great Britain, as well as French Louisiana west of the Mississippi River to its ally Spain in compensation for Spain’s loss to Britain of Spanish Florida. (Spain had ceded Florida to Britain in exchange for the return of Havana, Cuba.) France’s colonial presence north of the Caribbean was reduced to the islands of Saint Pierre and Miquelon, confirming Great Britain’s position as the dominant colonial power in America.
In British America, wars were often named after the sitting British monarch, such as King William’s War or Queen Anne’s War. There had already been a King George’s War in the 1740s during the reign of King George II, so British colonists named this conflict after their opponents, and it became known as the French and Indian War.[9] This continues as the standard name for the war in the United States, although Indians fought on both sides of the conflict. It also led into the Seven Years’ War overseas, a much larger conflict between France and Great Britain that did not involve the American colonies; some historians make a connection between the French and Indian War and the Seven Years’ War overseas, but most residents of the United States consider them as two separate conflicts—only one of which involved the American colonies,[10] and American historians generally use the traditional name. Less frequently used names for the war include the Fourth Intercolonial War and the Great War for the Empire.[9]
Belligerents during the Seven Years’ War. Canadians and Europeans view the French and Indian War as a theater of the Seven Years’ War, while Americans view it a separate conflict.
In Europe, the French and Indian War is conflated into the Seven Years’ War and not given a separate name. “Seven Years” refers to events in Europe, from the official declaration of war in 1756—two years after the French and Indian War had started—to the signing of the peace treaty in 1763. The French and Indian War in America, by contrast, was largely concluded in six years from the Battle of Jumonville Glen in 1754 to the capture of Montreal in 1760.[9]
Canadians conflate both the European and American conflicts into the Seven Years’ War (Guerre de Sept Ans).[11][12] French Canadians also use the term “War of Conquest” (Guerre de la Conquête), since it is the war in which Canada was conquered by the British and became part of the British Empire. In Quebec, this term was promoted by popular historians Jacques Lacoursière and Denis Vaugeois, who borrowed from the ideas of Maurice Séguin in considering this war as a dramatic tipping point of French Canadian identity and nationhood.[13]
At this time, America east of the Mississippi River was largely claimed by either Great Britain or France. Large areas had no colonial settlements. The French population numbered about 75,000 and was heavily concentrated along the St. Lawrence River valley, with some also in Acadia (present-day New Brunswick and parts of Nova Scotia), including Île Royale (Cape Breton Island). Fewer lived in New OrleansBiloxi, MississippiMobile, Alabama; and small settlements in the Illinois Country, hugging the east side of the Mississippi River and its tributaries. French fur traders and trappers traveled throughout the St. Lawrence and Mississippi watersheds, did business with local Indian tribes, and often married Indian women.[14] Traders married daughters of chiefs, creating high-ranking unions.
British settlers outnumbered the French 20 to 1[15] with a population of about 1.5 million ranged along the Atlantic coast of the continent from Nova Scotia and the Colony of Newfoundland in the north to the Province of Georgia in the south.[16] Many of the older colonies’ land claims extended arbitrarily far to the west, as the extent of the continent was unknown at the time when their provincial charters were granted. Their population centers were along the coast, but the settlements were growing into the interior. The British captured Nova Scotia from France in 1713, which still had a significant French-speaking population. Britain also claimed Rupert’s Land where the Hudson’s Bay Company traded for furs with local Indian tribes.
Between the French and British colonists, large areas were dominated by Indian tribes. To the north, the Mi’kmaqs and the Abenakis were engaged in Father Le Loutre’s War and still held sway in parts of Nova Scotia, Acadia, and the eastern portions of the province of Canada, as well as much of Maine.[17] The Iroquois Confederation dominated much of upstate New York and the Ohio Country, although Ohio also included Algonquian-speaking populations of Delaware and Shawnee, as well as Iroquoian-speaking Mingos. These tribes were formally under Iroquois rule and were limited by them in their authority to make agreements.[18]
The Southeast interior was dominated by Siouan-speaking CatawbasMuskogee-speaking Creeks and Choctaw, and the Iroquoian-speaking Cherokee tribes.[19] When war broke out, the French colonists used their trading connections to recruit fighters from tribes in western portions of the Great Lakes region, which was not directly subject to the conflict between the French and British; these included the HuronsMississaugsOjibwasWinnebagos, and Potawatomi.
At this time, Spain claimed only the province of Florida in eastern America. It controlled Cuba and other territories in the West Indies that became military objectives in the Seven Years’ War. Florida’s European population was a few hundred, concentrated in St. Augustine and Pensacola.[citation needed]
Céloron’s expedition
• to reaffirm to New France’s Indian allies that their trading arrangements with colonists were exclusive to those authorized by New France
• to discourage any alliances between Britain and local Indian tribes
Céloron’s expedition arrived at Logstown where the Indians in the area informed him that they owned the Ohio Country and that they would trade with the British colonists regardless of the French.[21] He continued south until his expedition reached the confluence of the Ohio and the Miami rivers, which lay just south of the village of Pickawillany, the home of the Miami chief known as “Old Briton“. Céloron threatened Old Briton with severe consequences if he continued to trade with British colonists, but Old Briton ignored the warning. Céloron returned disappointedly to Montreal in November 1749.[22]
Céloron wrote an extensively detailed report. “All I can say is that the Natives of these localities are very badly disposed towards the French,” he wrote, “and are entirely devoted to the English. I don’t know in what way they could be brought back.”[21] Even before his return to Montreal, reports on the situation in the Ohio Country were making their way to London and Paris, each side proposing that action be taken. Massachusetts governor William Shirley was particularly forceful, stating that British colonists would not be safe as long as the French were present.[23]
Map of European colonies in North America, c. 1750. Disputes over territorial claims persisted after the end of King George’s War in 1748.
In 1749, the British government gave land to the Ohio Company of Virginia for the purpose of developing trade and settlements in the Ohio Country.[24] The grant required that it settle 100 families in the territory and construct a fort for their protection. But the territory was also claimed by Pennsylvania, and both colonies began pushing for action to improve their respective claims.[25] In 1750, Christopher Gist explored the Ohio territory, acting on behalf of both Virginia and the company, and he opened negotiations with the Indian tribes at Logstown.[26] He completed the 1752 Treaty of Logstown in which the local Indians agreed to terms through their “Half-King” Tanacharison and an Iroquois representative. These terms included permission to build a strong house at the mouth of the Monongahela River on the modern site of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.[27]
Escalation in Ohio Country
Governor-General of New France Marquis de la Jonquière died on March 17, 1752, and he was temporarily replaced by Charles le Moyne de Longueuil. His permanent replacement was to be the Marquis Duquesne, but he did not arrive in New France until 1752 to take over the post.[28] The continuing British activity in the Ohio territories prompted Longueuil to dispatch another expedition to the area under the command of Charles Michel de Langlade, an officer in the Troupes de la Marine. Langlade was given 300 men, including French-Canadians and warriors of the Ottawa tribe. His objective was to punish the Miami people of Pickawillany for not following Céloron’s orders to cease trading with the British. On June 21, the French war party attacked the trading center at Pickawillany, capturing three traders[22] and killing 14 Miami Indians, including Old Briton. He was reportedly ritually cannibalized by some Indians in the expedition party.
Construction of French fortifications
The Iroquois sent runners to the manor of William Johnson in upstate New York, who was the British Superintendent for Indian Affairs in the New York region and beyond. Johnson was known to the Iroquois as Warraghiggey, meaning “he who does great things.” He spoke their languages and had become a respected honorary member of the Iroquois Confederacy in the area, and he was made a colonel of the Iroquois in 1746; he was later commissioned as a colonel of the Western New York Militia.
The Indian representatives and Johnson met with Governor George Clinton and officials from some of the other American colonies at Albany, New YorkMohawk Chief Hendrick was the speaker of their tribal council, and he insisted that the British abide by their obligations[which?] and block French expansion. Clinton did not respond to his satisfaction, and Hendrick said that the “Covenant Chain” was broken, a long-standing friendly relationship between the Iroquois Confederacy and the British Crown.
Virginia’s response
Governor Robert Dinwiddie of Virginia was an investor in the Ohio Company, which stood to lose money if the French held their claim.[30] He ordered 21 year-old Major George Washington (whose brother was another Ohio Company investor) of the Virginia Regiment to warn the French to leave Virginia territory in October 1753.[31] Washington left with a small party, picking up Jacob Van Braam as an interpreter, Christopher Gist (a company surveyor working in the area), and a few Mingos led by Tanaghrisson. On December 12, Washington and his men reached Fort Le Boeuf.[32][33]
Jacques Legardeur de Saint-Pierre succeeded Marin as commander of the French forces after Marin died on October 29, and he invited Washington to dine with him. Over dinner, Washington presented Saint-Pierre with the letter from Dinwiddie demanding an immediate French withdrawal from the Ohio Country. Saint-Pierre said, “As to the Summons you send me to retire, I do not think myself obliged to obey it.”[34] He told Washington that France’s claim to the region was superior to that of the British, since René-Robert Cavelier, Sieur de La Salle had explored the Ohio Country nearly a century earlier.[35]
Washington’s party left Fort Le Boeuf early on December 16 and arrived in Williamsburg on January 16, 1754. He stated in his report, “The French had swept south”,[36] detailing the steps which they had taken to fortify the area, and their intention to fortify the confluence of the Allegheny and Monongahela rivers.[37]
Course of war
Even before Washington returned, Dinwiddie had sent a company of 40 men under William Trent to that point where they began construction of a small stockaded fort in the early months of 1754.[38] Governor Duquesne sent additional French forces under Claude-Pierre Pécaudy de Contrecœur to relieve Saint-Pierre during the same period, and Contrecœur led 500 men south from Fort Venango on April 5, 1754.[39] These forces arrived at the fort on April 16, but Contrecœur generously allowed Trent’s small company to withdraw. He purchased their construction tools to continue building what became Fort Duquesne.[40]
Early engagements
Dinwiddie had ordered Washington to lead a larger force to assist Trent in his work, and Washington learned of Trent’s retreat while he was en route.[41] Mingo sachem Tanaghrisson had promised support to the British, so Washington continued toward Fort Duquesne and met with him. He then learned of a French scouting party in the area, so he combined Tanaghrisson’s force with his own and surprised the Canadiens (French colonists of New France) on May 28 in what became known as the Battle of Jumonville Glen. They killed many of the Canadians, including their commanding officer Joseph Coulon de Jumonville, whose head was reportedly split open by Tanaghrisson with a tomahawk. Historian Fred Anderson suggests that Tanaghrisson was acting to gain the support of the British and to regain authority over his own people. They had been inclined to support the French, with whom they had long trading relationships. One of Tanaghrisson’s men told Contrecoeur that Jumonville had been killed by British musket fire.[42] Historians generally consider the Battle of Jumonville Glen as the opening battle of the French and Indian War in North America, and the start of hostilities in the Ohio valley.
Following the battle, Washington pulled back several miles and established Fort Necessity, which the Canadians attacked under the command of Jumonville’s brother at the Battle of Fort Necessity on July 3. Washington surrendered and negotiated a withdrawal under arms. One of his men reported that the Canadian force was accompanied by ShawneeDelaware, and Mingo warriors—just those whom Tanaghrisson was seeking to influence.[43]
News of the two battles reached England in August. After several months of negotiations, the government of the Duke of Newcastle decided to send an army expedition the following year to dislodge the French.[44] They chose Major General Edward Braddock to lead the expedition.[45] Word of the British military plans leaked to France well before Braddock’s departure for North America. In response, King Louis XV dispatched six regiments to New France under the command of Baron Dieskau in 1755.[46] The British sent out their fleet in February 1755, intending to blockade French ports, but the French fleet had already sailed. Admiral Edward Hawke detached a fast squadron to North America in an attempt to intercept them.
In June 1755, the British captured French naval ships sent to provide war materials to the Acadian and Mi’kmaq militias in Nova Scotia.
In a second British action, Admiral Edward Boscawen fired on the French ship Alcide on June 8, 1755, capturing her and two troop ships.[47] The British harassed French shipping throughout 1755, seizing ships and capturing seamen. These actions contributed to the eventual formal declarations of war in spring 1756.[48]
British campaigns, 1755
The British formed an aggressive plan of operations for 1755. General Braddock was to lead the expedition to Fort Duquesne,[49] while Massachusetts governor William Shirley was given the task of fortifying Fort Oswego and attacking Fort NiagaraSir William Johnson was to capture Fort St. Frédéric at Crown Point, New York,[50] and Lieutenant Colonel Robert Monckton was to capture Fort Beauséjour to the east on the frontier between Nova Scotia and Acadia.[51]
Braddock led about 1,500 army troops and provincial militia on the Braddock expedition in June 1755 to take Fort Duquesne, with George Washington as one of his aides. The expedition was a disaster. It was attacked by French regulars, Canadian militiamen, and Indian warriors ambushing them from hiding places up in trees and behind logs, and Braddock called for a retreat. He was killed and approximately 1,000 British soldiers were killed or injured.[49] The remaining 500 British troops retreated to Virginia, led by Washington. Washington and Thomas Gage played key roles in organizing the retreat—two future opponents in the American Revolutionary War.
The British government initiated a plan to increase their military capability in preparation for war following news of Braddock’s defeat and the start of parliament’s session in November 1755. Among the early legislative measures were the Recruiting Act 1756,[52] the Commissions to Foreign Protestants Act 1756[53] for the Royal American Regiment, the Navigation Act 1756,[54] and the Continuance of Acts 1756.[55] England passed the Naval Prize Act 1756 following the proclamation of war on May 17 to allow the capture of ships and establish privateering.[56]
Johnson’s expedition was better organized than Shirley’s, which was noticed by New France’s governor the Marquis de Vaudreuil. Vaudreuil had been concerned about the extended supply line to the forts on the Ohio, and he had sent Baron Dieskau to lead the defenses at Frontenac against Shirley’s expected attack. Vaudreuil saw Johnson as the larger threat and sent Dieskau to Fort St. Frédéric to meet that threat. Dieskau planned to attack the British encampment at Fort Edward at the upper end of navigation on the Hudson River, but Johnson had strongly fortified it, and Dieskau’s Indian support was reluctant to attack. The two forces finally met in the bloody Battle of Lake George between Fort Edward and Fort William Henry. The battle ended inconclusively, with both sides withdrawing from the field. Johnson’s advance stopped at Fort William Henry, and the French withdrew to Ticonderoga Point, where they began the construction of Fort Carillon (later renamed Fort Ticonderoga after the British captured it in 1759).
Colonel Monckton captured Fort Beauséjour in June 1755 in the sole British success that year, cutting off the French Fortress Louisbourg from land-based reinforcements. To cut vital supplies to Louisbourg, Nova Scotia’s Governor Charles Lawrence ordered the deportation of the French-speaking Acadian population from the area. Monckton’s forces, including companies of Rogers’ Rangersforcibly removed thousands of Acadians, chasing down many who resisted and sometimes committing atrocities. Cutting off supplies to Louisbourg led to its demise.[57] The Acadian resistance was sometimes quite stiff, in concert with Indian allies including the Mi’kmaq, with ongoing frontier raids against Dartmouth and Lunenburg, among others. The only clashes of any size were at Petitcodiac in 1755 and at Bloody Creek near Annapolis Royal in 1757, other than the campaigns to expel the Acadians ranging around the Bay of Fundy, on the Petitcodiac and St. John rivers, and Île Saint-Jean.
French victories, 1756–1757
The new British command was not in place until July. Abercrombie arrived in Albany but refused to take any significant actions until Loudoun approved them, and Montcalm took bold action against his inertia. He built on Vaudreuil’s work harassing the Oswego garrison and executed a strategic feint by moving his headquarters to Ticonderoga, as if to presage another attack along Lake George. With Abercrombie pinned down at Albany, Montcalm slipped away and led the successful attack on Oswego in August. In the aftermath, Montcalm and the Indians under his command disagreed about the disposition of prisoners’ personal effects. The Europeans did not consider them prizes and prevented the Indians from stripping the prisoners of their valuables, which angered the Indians.
British conquest, 1758–1760
Montcalm focused his meager resources on the defense of the St. Lawrence, with primary defenses at Carillon, Quebec, and Louisbourg, while Vaudreuil argued unsuccessfully for a continuation of the raiding tactics that had worked quite effectively in previous years.[60] The British failures in North America combined with other failures in the European theater and led to Newcastle’s fall from power along with the Duke of Cumberland, his principal military advisor.
The Forbes Expedition was a British campaign in September–October 1758, with 6,000 troops led by General John Forbes sent to drive out the French from the contested Ohio Country. The French withdrew from Fort Duquesne and left the British in control of the Ohio River Valley.[61] The great French fortress at Louisbourg in Nova Scotia was captured after a siege.[62]
The third invasion was stopped with the improbable French victory in the Battle of Carillon, in which 3,600 Frenchmen defeated Abercrombie’s force of 18,000 regulars, militia, and Indian allies outside the fort which the French called Carillon and the British called Ticonderoga. Abercrombie saved something from the disaster when he sent John Bradstreet on an expedition that successfully destroyed Fort Frontenac, including caches of supplies destined for New France’s western forts and furs destined for Europe. Abercrombie was recalled and replaced by Jeffery Amherst, victor at Louisbourg.
In April 1760, François Gaston de Lévis led French forces in an attempt to retake the city, but he was prevented with the British naval victory at Restigouche which brought the loss of French ships meant to resupply Lévis’ army.
Sporadic engagements, 1760–1763
Most of the fighting ended in America in 1760, although it continued in Europe between France and Britain. The notable exception was the French seizure of St. John’s, Newfoundland. General Amherst heard of this surprise action and immediately dispatched troops under his nephew William Amherst, who regained control of Newfoundland after the Battle of Signal Hill in September 1762.[63] Many of the British troops who were stationed in America were reassigned to participate in further British actions in the West Indies, including the capture of Spanish Havana when Spain belatedly entered the conflict on the side of France, and a British expedition against French Martinique in 1762 led by Major General Robert Monckton.[64]
French authorities surrendering Montreal to British forces in 1760.
General Amherst also oversaw the transition of French forts to British control in the western lands. The policies which he introduced in those lands disturbed large numbers of Indians and contributed to Pontiac’s Rebellion in 1763.[66] This series of attacks on frontier forts and settlements required the continued deployment of British troops, and it was not resolved until 1766.[67]
The war in North America officially ended with the signing of the Treaty of Paris on 10 February 1763, and war in the European theater was settled by the Treaty of Hubertusburg on 15 February 1763. The British offered France the choice of surrendering either its continental North American possessions east of the Mississippi or the Caribbean islands of Guadeloupe and Martinique, which had been occupied by the British. France chose to cede the former but was able to negotiate the retention of Saint Pierre and Miquelon, two small islands in the Gulf of St. Lawrence, along with fishing rights in the area. They viewed the economic value of the Caribbean islands’ sugar cane to be greater and easier to defend than the furs from the continent. French philosopher Voltaire referred to Canada disparagingly as nothing more than a few acres of snow. The British, however, were happy to take New France, as defence of their North American colonies would no longer be an issue; they also had ample places from which to obtain sugar. Spain traded Florida to Britain in order to regain Cuba, but they also gained Louisiana from France, including New Orleans, in compensation for their losses. Great Britain and Spain also agreed that navigation on the Mississippi River was to be open to vessels of all nations.[68]
King George III issued the Royal Proclamation of 1763 on October 7, 1763 which outlined the division and administration of the newly conquered territory, and it continues to govern relations to some extent between the government of Canada and the First Nations. Included in its provisions was the reservation of lands west of the Appalachian Mountains to its Indian population,[70] a demarcation that was only a temporary impediment to a rising tide of westward-bound settlers.[71] The proclamation also contained provisions that prevented civic participation by the Roman Catholic Canadians.[72]
The Seven Years’ War nearly doubled Great Britain’s national debt. The Crown sought sources of revenue to pay it off and attempted to impose new taxes on its colonies. These attempts were met with increasingly stiff resistance, until troops were called in to enforce the Crown’s authority, and they ultimately led to the start of the American Revolutionary War.[73] France attached comparatively little value to its American possessions, apart from the highly profitable sugar-producing Antilles islands which it retained. Minister Choiseul considered that he had made a good deal at the Treaty of Paris, and Voltaire wrote that Louis XV had lost “a few acres of snow”.[74] However, the military defeat and the financial burden of the war weakened the French monarchy and contributed to the advent of the French Revolution in 1789.[75]
The elimination of French power in America meant the disappearance of a strong ally for some Indian tribes.[75] The Ohio Country was now more available to colonial settlement due to the construction of military roads by Braddock and Forbes.[76] The Spanish takeover of the Louisiana territory was not completed until 1769, and it had modest repercussions. The British takeover of Spanish Florida resulted in the westward migration of Indian tribes who did not want to do business with them. This migration also caused a rise in tensions between the Choctaw and the Creek, historic enemies who were competing for land.[77] The change of control in Florida also prompted most of its Spanish Catholic population to leave. Most went to Cuba, although some Christianized Yamasee were resettled to the coast of Mexico.[78]
France returned to America in 1778 with the establishment of a Franco-American alliance against Great Britain in the American Revolutionary War, in what historian Alfred A. Cave describes as French “revenge for Montcalm’s death”.[79] |
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About the guest author
Ancilla Liberatio
Ancilla is a hedonist, an adrenaline junkie, a masochist, a knowledge seeker, a drifter, a thinker, a literature enthusiast, a writer, a listener, an observer, a rationalist, a heretic, a spiritualist, a music lover and a citizen of the world.
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62980 | Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Actually, This Book Can’t Save the Planet
The most prominent endorsement on the cover of Jim Robbins’s The Man Who Planted Trees reads, “This book just might save the planet.” I regret to report that this is not true, despite the book’s interesting and valuable material.
One important premise of the book is quite credible, though unproven. Vast acreages of forests, in America and around the world, have been cut down. Lumber corporations aimed for the biggest and healthiest trees, leaving the runts behind. The perhaps predictable result was that, when the forests began to grow back (which many are, as timber corporations never fail to remind us), the runts were the seed sources. The trees that had the genes that were best for survival were eliminated by this act of unconscious artificial selection. Because of this, the heroes of Robbins’s book are trying to clone “champion trees” from around the world and replant them, to reintroduce good genes into a possibly degenerate gene pool. Of course, this cannot always be true; sometimes big trees were spared because they were remote (as was the case with the dawn redwood Metasequoia glyptostroboides), and sometimes because they were saved in time by popular support (as with the giant sequoia Sequoiadendron giganteum). But I cannot deny the appeal of this hypothesis. I am also fascinated by the suggestion that cloned cuttings pass on some of the epigenetic changes that have accumulated in the adult tree, while seedlings will not. These epigenetic changes may include an improved ability to tolerate heat or pollution or herbivores.
Much of the book is also devoted to a survey of the immense and largely invisible things that trees do to keep the Earth alive. This overview is delightful to read but suffers from two problems. First, the science behind much of it is skimpy. In this way it compares poorly to my book Green Planet: How Plants Keep the Earth Alive, which is still available from Rutgers University Press and on Amazon (in a new paperback edition). Second, many of the processes the book describes are almost certain to be wrong. I do not think that trees emit volatile chemicals to heal the ecosystem and make humans healthy (they do it to stabilize their photosynthesis at high temperatures). I do not think that trees respond to cosmic radiation. I do not think that their electric potential completes a circuit that maintains the Earth’s magnetic field. You know that when an author approvingly cites The Secret Life of Plants, as Robbins does, something is scientifically amiss.
Still, it was nice to read a book about a man whose passion was altruism rather than violence or selfishness.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
The Real Creation Model
Most people, including most readers of this blog, think that creationism is the belief that God made all the components of the universe in perfect form just a few thousand years ago.
But that is only part of the creationist creed. There is another part, which they do not openly proclaim, but which they believe.
We all know there is a political correlation between rejection of evolution and rejection of environmentalism. I merely maintain that is correlation is real, not accidental. There is a reason for it.
The full statement of the creation model is that God made all the components of the universe in perfect form just a few thousand years ago for us to use up now.
Creationists believe that the Earth will come to an end soon, so we might as well go ahead and use up all the natural resources, like coal and fish and trees, as fast as we can. Why preserve them, only to have them burned up in Armageddon? Why preserve them, only to leave them behind in the Rapture and let damned sinners have them? Why have a livable Earth in 2100, if the end of the world will already have occurred?
A creationist said to me, several decades ago, that the basis of his belief was time. (That’s funny; I would have expected it to be God.) We know that Jesus is coming soon, he said, therefore just as the future is short so must the past be short. I thought at the time that this was rather strange, but now it makes perfect sense.
So when you look at the full statement of creationism, their opposition to both evolution and environmentalism makes perfect sense.
If you are, or know, an environmentalist creationist, all I can say is, glad to hear it. And I could have a respectful conversation with such a person. But this is clearly the exception to the rule. If anything, conservative creationists probably hate environmentalist creationists even worse than they hate evolutionists. If you are an environmentalist creationist, you are embracing a burden of frustration.
The political correlation between anti-evolutionism and anti-environmentalism is real, not accidental. I believe the reason is that creationists think God made the Earth for us to use up right now. If you have a different explanation, please feel free to post a comment. If your argument makes sense, I would be glad to acknowledge it.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
The Second Worst Idea in the World
I suspect that the second worst idea in the world is to attempt to control global warming by means of geoengineering.
I sometimes think about geoengineering when I walk to work. (Don’t you?) I see the trees around me, just beginning to senesce for autumn, and I think about the (to me) incalculable tons of carbon dioxide that they remove from the air, much of which they store long-term in wood and roots. They do it for free. But geoengineers have a different solution. It is to build “artificial trees” that cost a lot of money. These “trees” are basically carbon dioxide filters on top of poles.
According to a 2009 article, “Each synthetic tree could capture up to 10 tons of CO2 a day, which is thousands of times more than a real tree. Each tree would cost around $24,400, and a forest of 100,000 of them could be constructed within the next couple of decades using existing technologies.” Doesn’t this sound exciting? Only $2.4 billion. Of course, real trees are free, unless you insist on planting certain trees in certain places. The article continues, “The trees would have a special synthetic filter that absorbs carbon dioxide. When the filters had absorbed their load of CO2 they would be replaced with new filters and the old ones would be stored in empty gas and oil reservoirs, such as depleted oil wells in the North Sea.” It occurred to me that the $24,000 price tag did not include removing and storing old filters, and replacing them with new ones. And you can’t just drop something down into a North Sea oil well. This sounds to me like someone wanting to sell huge expensive devices and using the environmental playing-card as a way to sell them.
The only thing that may be worse than this type of geoengineering is to launch hundreds of thousands of mirrors into space, between the Earth and the Sun, to cast a partial shadow on the Earth. There is a reason that the price tag for this geoengineering solution is generally not mentioned.
As I explained in my book Green Planet, trees do lots of things that keep the Earth alive. A tree produces oxygen, absorbs carbon dioxide, creates cool shade, reduces floods, recharges ground water, holds down and enriches the soil, and many other things. An artificial tree does only one of those things.
Geoengineering scenarios sound like something from the old Outer Limits TV shows. It also sounds like the kind of solution that a Democrat would come up with: a big, expensive government solution. Except that it was the Republican president George W. Bush that, according to this article, promoted the idea of space mirrors.
I prefer “no-regrets” solutions over geoengineering solutions. If we allow trees to grow, and maybe plant some extra ones, we will have good results; this has been assured by hundreds of millions of years of evolution. If it turns out global warming is not a problem, the trees will perform other valuable services. No regrets. But if it turns out that global warming is not a problem (a virtual impossibility), then we will have wasted billions if not trillions on geoengineering fiascos. Lots of regrets.
Of course, the worst idea is to go along with the Republican Party and pretend that global warming is not occurring.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Brave Science Teachers
Today I leave for the Oklahoma Academy of Sciences (OAS) meeting at Cameron University in Lawton, Oklahoma. Tonight is the Executive Council meeting, and tomorrow is when all the papers, meetings, and the banquet occur. OAS is not a high-powered scientific research organization, but is a way for scientists to connect and share their work, and to talk about what most of us spend most of our time doing: teaching.
And teaching science requires bravery.
Every day when I go in to teach classes, I am undertaking an act of bravery. And I admire all of you other science teachers for doing the same thing. When we teach even the smallest item of scientific truth, we are positioning ourselves squarely against the beliefs of many conservative religious people.
Of course, in part, I am talking about evolution. And global warming. But there are a lot more ways in which teaching science goes against fundamentalist religion.
If carbon dioxide is becoming more abundant in the atmosphere, then it must absorb longwave radiation and cause global warming. To deny this is to deny the basic facts of chemistry. Yet when I teach this, I know I am drawing the ire of some religious person somewhere. And it is not just evolution that requires bravery to teach; just to say that there are pseudogenes and endogenous retroviruses in our chromosomes, even without pointing out the evolutionary explanation for it, is to teach something that is uncomfortable to creationists. To say that our brains work by neurotransmitters, rather than the body being merely a squishy, smelly husk for the spirit is a threat to many religious people, even if we do not claim or even believe that the human spirit does not exist. Religious people openly teach their home school kids that all of science is a vast conspiracy against God. Therefore when we teach the scientific method, of testing hypotheses, we are disagreeing with what some of our students have been told before they come to college. Science is not hypothesis testing; it is hatred of God, according to the view with which they were brought up. To teach them that germs cause some diseases, and that smoking and POPs (persistent organic pollutants) cause cancer, goes against the belief held by some fundamentalists that demons cause disease, and the belief held by adherents of Christian Science that it is some kind of spiritual imbalance. To say that populations have limits is to fly in the face of the fundamentalist preachers who tell their followers to have as many kids as possible because God will always provide resources for humankind. Do you teach embryonic development? Well, the Bible says that God knits babies in the womb. So there. Embryogenesis is a miracle, not a biochemical process.
Not all creationists will say all of these things. I’ll bet there are many creationists who believe in neurotransmitters and Hox genes. But they have to depart from the Bible and accept human authority to do so.
So just try thinking of something to teach in science that does not contradict some fundamentalist religious belief. You can’t do it. Of course, I suppose history teachers cannot, either. Or sociology teachers. Maybe math teachers—yes, nothing in the Bible contradicts math, does it? Don’t be so sure, though: at one time there was controversy over the value of pi because the Bible seemed to indicate that pi was 3.3333 and not 3.1416.
So here’s to all the brave science, math, history, and all other teachers, who teach and show by their lives that knowledge, not just belief, is important.
Friday, November 1, 2013
The Only Gorilla in the Room
Being an alpha male is not all that it’s cracked up to be. Ask any alpha male gorilla or elephant seal, if you dare. It is very stressful. (Not that I speak from personal experience or anything.) The alpha male must constantly patrol his territory (which usually includes a harem) to drive away other males who are either sneaking in for amorous visits with females in the harem, or directly challenging his leadership. I have read that alpha male elephant seals lose about half of their weight during the breeding season under the midnight sun.
The alpha male never becomes a dictator, however, because he is constantly challenged by other males. Also, the social group as a whole benefits from a diminution of hostilities within the group. A group that has a greater amount of altruism within the group will therefore prevail over groups that have excessive internal strife. One group prevailing over another because of altruism? This sounds like “group selection,” which was a reviled concept when I was in graduate school. Recently, Edward O. Wilson, David Sloan Wilson (no relation), and Martin Nowak have re-introduced group selection to the scientific conversation, particularly as it relates to the evolution of altruism. I am still trying to understand how a group can become altruistic in the first place, but once it does, it will clearly prevail over other groups.
But what happens if there are no male challengers? Then the alpha male can do whatever he wants without fear of reprisal. And what if the group controlled by this alpha male rules the entire species? This would seem to be a formula for disaster. Of course, it never happens in nature.
But it appears to be happening in our species right now. The United States is the only world superpower, a fact of which we constantly remind the rest of the world. The United States can pretty much do as it likes in the world without fear of reprisal, though we could get ourselves into a lot of diplomatic and economic trouble if we took excessive measures. We are, as a country, the only gorilla in the room.
One example of this is the recent revelation that the United States has been spying on the leadership of many of our European allies. No, not just on suspected terrorists in Europe, but on leaders such as Angela Merkel of Germany. While the member states of the EU each consider a continued Free Trade Agreement with the U.S. to be in their interests, the EU coalition leader has expressed hesitation (see the Deutsche Welle article). Even under the leadership of a president who has won the Nobel Peace Prize, the United States seems to be acting like the ultimate alpha male.
And nothing can stop us. If we insist on acting like an alpha male, we can bring the world down into chaos. I doubt that this will actually happen, but the evolutionary and other forces that prevented alpha male gorillas and alpha male Genghis Khans from dragging the world down into chaos appear to no longer be operating. We can express regret that our actions have unfortunate consequences (such as one of our drones killing a 68-year-old Pakistani grandmother picking okra) but it is only our choice, not a necessity, that will keep us from shattering what little international goodwill there now is in the world. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62984 | Najoua Belyzel Najoua Belyzel
Najoua Belyzel (born Najoua Mazouri 15 December 1981 in Nancy, France) is a French pop rock/electronic singer of Moroccan and Egyptian descent. Since a young age, she had shown an interest in music, and by age 14, had begun writing her own songs. Najoua originally studied law beginning in 2001 at the University of Nancy, but left for Paris to pursue a career in music. She met some success after a casting call when she joined the group Benoît, who had a successful single called Tourne-toi Benoît, which touched on the subjcet of homosexuality.
Read more about Najoua Belyzel on Last.fm.
• Aivar
39, Mõisaküla, Estonija
• kiko
25, Tbilisi, Gruusia |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62993 | The Latest News from Immanuel Lutheran Church
Forms and Downloads
Immanuel Lutheran Church
These forms and documents are PDF files. Most digital devices will open these files automatically. If your digital device does not, you can simply download the free Adobe Reader software from or simply Google it.
Letters to Jewish Neighbors
Bishop Gerald L. Mansholt
Dear Pastors and Conference Deans,
I am sending this e-mail and attachments to all Conference Deans and to selected pastors.
The attached documents are copies of letters that I sent to 5 Jewish synagogues located within the East Central Synod of Wisconsin. With the rise of anti-Semitism, bigotry and violence across the country our Presiding Bishop encouraged us to care, love, support and reach out to our Jewish brothers and sisters. I tried to identify the synagogues the best I could, knowing a couple are quite small. Some synagogues have closed in places like Manitowc and elsewhere. If I’ve missed any, please let me know.
I would assume come of you already have relationships with some Jewish neighbors. If not, I enourage you to reach out and personally express our support in these days and offer whatever we might do to build stronger relationships of understanding and respect. I have enclosed copies of both Bishop Eaton’s statement of December 30th and the 1994 Declaration of the ELCA to the Jewish Community.
In many respects I’m a novice in these Lutheran-Jewish relationships. So anything you can do to assist your bishop will be appreciated. J I tried to identify those pastors nearest to the synagogues to receive this e-mail. If I’ve missed someone pass this e-mail along. The letters to the Jewish congregations went in the mail this afternoon.
Blessings and peace,
Bishop Gerald L Mansholt
East Central Synod of Wisconsin
Evangelical Lutheran Church in America
16 Tri-Park Way
Appleton, Wisconsin 54914
Office phone: 920-734-5381
Cell: 920-809-9231
By Gracious Powers - ELW 626
Sung by Jane Reilly-Smith
The Song, "By Gracious Powers" ELW 626 performed at Immanuel Lutheran Church in Wausau, WI.
• Text: Dietrich Bonhoeffer
• Vocalist: Jane Reilly-Smith
• Piano: Judy Kort
Lutheran Schools in the Holy Land Outcomes
Opportunity Palestine
Featuring high school students speaking in their own voice, the outcomes of the Lutheran Schools in the Holy Land are shared. The 4 schools start with preschool and continue to Grade 12 with co-educational classrooms and curriculum designed to support inquiry, creativity, leadership with inter-faith dialog and peace resolution.
Honor Veterans Sunday
November 10, 2019
On November 10, 2019, ILC recognized and gave thanks for the service of the men and women of ILC who have served in the armed forces.
Veterans Day 2019
Veterans Day 2019
Veterans Day 2019
Veterans Day 2019
Veterans Day 2019
Lefse Making - November 2, 2019
Immanuel Lutheran Church of Wausau
Lefse making has been an important project for most of Immanuel’s 135-year history. It was an important complement to the fall lutefisk dinners that were made available to the community as a fundraiser and an event that firmly stamped Immanuel as the Norwegian congregation in Wausau. The last lutefisk dinner was held in 1965, and thereafter, lefse was sold to the community as part of the fall bazaar, a tradition that ended almost a decade ago. The eight-week schedule of turning 800 lbs. of potatoes into lefse for the bazaar has now been reduced to two Saturdays of lefse rolling and baking in November for selling to members of the congregation. We are no longer an ethnic congregation, but this Norwegian tradition continues.
Lefse was made on Friday, November 1st (peeling) and Saturday November 2nd (baking).
Lefse will be sold on November 10, 2019. The cost is $7 per bag.
Click here to view a video filmed during Lefse making this year.
Reformation Sunday
Lutheran Heritage and the world
Rev. Dr. Niveen Sarras Reformation Sunday
October 27, 2019
On April 17, 1521, Emperor Charles V, summoned Martin Luther to the imperial Diet that was to be held at the German city of Worms. Diet in English means assembly or in our context, the Congress. Johann Eck, a papal theologian, represented Pope Leo X to debate with Luther concerning his theology and writings. The Diet of Worms expected from Luther to renounce his faith and recant his writings. Luther’s response is often quoted:
On May 25, 1521, as a result of Luther's refusal, Emperor Charles V issued an edict, well known as the Edict of Worms, condemning Luther for crimes of heresy and called to burn his books. Luther could not contradict the word of God. He firmly believed in what Jesus says: “if you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (John 8:31-32).
The word of God is the foundation of our faith. It is enough to guide us and to help us to know God’s will for us. The word of God assisted Martin Luther to stand firm against the authority of Pope Leo X and the Emperor Charles V. The word of God inspired the Lutheran reformation and changed the course of religious and cultural history in the West. The word of God is very powerful. The word of God liberated the 16th-century Christians from the oppressing church that controlled every aspect of their life. The word of God gives hope to the hopeless and brings down tyrants from their thrones.
Luther relied on the word of God to challenge rulers and Pope Leo X to improve the state affair of the poor. Germans were hardly able to survive from day-to-day. They had to pay taxes, which were used to serve the pope’s projects and interests. Poor Germans found hope for their suffering and struggle through buying indulgences. As a result, Luther wrote his 95 theses to correct the theology of his time. The word of God inspired Martin Luther to spread his reform to reach all parts of the church and society, and to call everyone to action. For Luther, the gospel of the Lord aims to lift up Christians' life, not to abuse and take advantage of them.
Luther did not separate Christians' spiritual life from earthly life. He engaged in the world and encouraged Christians to engage, too. His reformation advocated for good education to children and women, welfare for the poor, and to improve public health services. The word of God relates and speaks to every aspect of our life here on earth.
Luther used the word of God to open the eyes of secular authorities and papacy to the dire situation of the poor Germans. His writings are filled with biblical counsel for rulers. For example, he sent a letter to Prince John Frederick, Duke of Saxony, introducing his commentary on the Magnificat, the song of Mary in the gospel of Luke. He explained that God cared about the destitute like virgin Mary. Luther used the Magnificat to encourage the prince to help the poor and to administer justice. Luther blamed economic and social disruption on the papacy and rulers’ injustice and called them to administrate justice; otherwise, they become beasts.
Lutheran theology and tradition are full of examples of Lutherans challenging unjust secular and religious authorities. The most famous Lutheran of the 20th century is Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who opposed Nazi propaganda and criticized the church’s complicity in Nazism. He believed in the word of God that gives life to people. He relied on the word of God and the Lutheran tradition to resist Hitler. Bonhoeffer was executed because he refused to compromise with the evil that opposed the word of God.
Another example is the fall of the Berlin wall in 1989. Do you know that Lutherans played an essential role in destroying the Berlin wall and resisting the Communists?
The peaceful protest moment began in a Lutheran gathering for “prayer and politics” in Leipzig. Faithfully assembling for worship, lingering after service for prayer and mutual support, and meeting again on Mondays, sometimes with only a few people present, to talk about things that matter, Lutheran worshipers created the space for the largest peaceful demonstration in German history to occur. After nearly a decade of small meetings, on the evening of October 9, 1989, eight thousand people flocked to the church, and between seventy thousand and one hundred thousand joined for a candle-lit walk through the city, in resistance to Communist tyranny and standing bravely for freedom at the risk of personal injury and imprisonment. The police “joined” the walk by not shooting a single shot. (Ryan P. Cumming. The Forgotten Luther II (pp. 28-29). Fortress Press. Kindle Edition).
Lutherans' act of resistance destroyed the Berlin wall. What shall I say more? I wish I have enough time to talk about Palestinian Lutherans resisting the Israeli military occupation of West Bank and Gaza. Or to speak about ELCA sending missionaries to war zones to help the oppressed and to provide shelter, food, and medicine to the victims of war. This is who Lutherans are. This is our Lutheran tradition that we should celebrate every single day, not once a year.
The Grateful Samaritan Leper.
Luke 17
Rev. Dr. Niveen Sarras
Luke 17, The Grateful Samaritan Leper.
October 13, 2019
Recently I have been reading a historical novel called Echo by Pam Ryan. This novel is about a German boy Fredrick. He was born with a birthmark and had genetic disease. The setting of the novel is Nazi Germany. On July 14, 1933, the Nazis issued a law for the prevention of progeny with genetic disease. His family was against Hitler's fanatic policies, which endangered their lives. Fredrick was afraid to get sterilized or send to orphanage Nazi institutions. Nazis believed that Aryan race must remain healthy. Epilepsy, blindness, deafness, and severe alcoholism were considered an offense against German society. The Nazis treated children and adults like Fredrick as subhuman. They did not want them to be part of their community. Nazis considered them to be a burden on Germany. So, they considered them unworthy of life. As a result of this law, thousands were murdered through starvation or lethal overdose of medication.
In antiquity, Jews treated lepers as dangerous to the safety and well-being of the Jewish community. The evangelist Luke tells us that 10 lepers begged Jesus to heal them. These lepers did not live among Jewish community or Samaritan community. They were social outcasts and had to live in isolated places. The Jews perceived lepers as unclean and cursed by God. A leper had to cover his upper lip and cry, “unclean, unclean” so that nobody comes close to them.
Those who are shunned by their society, Jesus healed and welcomed them. What is interesting about that 10 lepers is that one of them was a Samaritan. Jews and Samaritans were bitter rivals. They did not interact with each other. In Jesus’ time, hostility towards Samaritans was strong. However, the nine Jews accepted a Samaritan leper among them. They shared their lives with him. Above all, Jesus praises the Samaritan leper’s faith not the nine Jews.
The evangelist Luke presents Samaritans positively. In his gospel, he tells us about the parable of The Good Samaritan and The Grateful Samaritan Leper. In the book of Acts, Luke shows that the Samaritans received the Holy Spirit after believing in Jesus Christ. According to Luke, the grateful Samaritan leper is a model of a person who is a subject of godly love. Despite being a Jew, Jesus healed a Samaritan leper. He saw them as equally important in the eyes of God.
The Jewish audience of the gospel of Luke (Luke wrote to Gentiles, but I believe that Jews also heard his gospel, too) was shocked to hear about Jesus praising and healing a Samaritan. Let me explain what I mean using a contemporary example. Imagine 10 persons living with HIV. They meet Jesus and beg him to heal them. Nine of them are American Christians, and one of them is Iranian Muslim. Jesus heals all of them, and only the Iranian Muslim comes back, and he prostrates himself at Jesus’ feet and thanks him. Jesus praises the Iranian man’s faith and questions the nine American Christians' behavior. How are you going to feel?
Through this story, the evangelist “Luke is building a case for indiscriminate love and radical inclusion” (Ira Brent Driggers, Luke 17:11-19, working preacher). In like manner, the author of 2 Kings 5 presents Naaman, the commander of the army of the king of Aram—Syria today and enemy of Israel as a subject of God’s love. The grateful Samaritan leper and Naaman, the leper, are subject of God’s grace. God’s love and grace are available for everybody even those we might think do not deserve it.
As the story of the grateful Samaritan leper provokes the Jewish audience, the story of Naaman, the leper, provokes the Israelites. Remember when Jesus preached in a synagogue in Nazareth that Naaman was subject of God’s grace and the Jewish worshipers were angry and tried to throw him off of the cliff (Luke 4). It is hard on any person or any group who is prejudice against another group to believe that the disliked group is part of God’s grace and love.
Us versus them creates barriers between people. Prejudice and discrimination prevent us from seeing our neighbor as a subject of God’s love and grace. The story of the grateful Samaritan leper and Naaman, the leper, invites us to look on the inside of a person whom we believe is fallen from God’s grace. God does not think as we do. God’s plan is different than ours. We look on the outside of a person, but God is looking on the inside. A person whom we think has fallen from God’s grace is subject of God’s grace and love.
Prejudice against any person is part of our sinful nature that we need to resist. Jesus’ ministry was revolutionary. He pours out the love and grace of God abundantly on the most unworthy people. Being a Christian, white, and American does not qualify you to sit at the Lord’s table in heaven. Only your faith in Jesus and sharing his love with your neighbor, particularly the one whom you do not like, will grant you a free ticket to his heavenly feast. None of us is worthy of God’s grace. None of us is worthy of God’s love because all of us are sinners. But Jesus Christ made the unworthy worthy of God’s love and grace. We are only made worthy in God's sight by Jesus' sacrificial act of love on the cross.
Faith and Mulberry Tree
Luke 17:5-10 and Habakkuk 1:1-4; 2:1-4
Rev. Dr. Niveen Sarras
October 6, 2019
My father was about ten years old when he planted a mulberry tree. Now this tree is big, and its fruit is very delicious. My parents share its fruit with family, friends, and neighbors, and even the passersby. Everybody loves our mulberry tree except my mother. She enjoys the fruit but not the tree itself because not only people enjoy our mulberry tree, but also flies and ants. When its fruit fall, my family must clean immediately to avoid flies and insects. One day, my mother complained a lot about the mulberry tree and flies. My father teased her by quoting Jesus’ words: “If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you” (v.6).
My father was teasing my mother. He was not serious. What if Jesus was teasing his disciples, too. Or what if Jesus uses metaphorical language? This verse is often taken literally, which has distorted Christians' faith into the kind of magic. Many Christians became victims of misleading or incorrect interpretation of this verse. Some Christians troubled with their faith because their faith does not enable them to uproot a mulberry tree. Some of you might think if we just had more faith, then God could do miracles through us.
We need to understand that the example Jesus is using is random in this story. “Jesus apparently points to the nearest object and dreams up the most fantastic of scenarios. He could just as easily have said ‘turn this tree into a rabbit’” (Ira Brent Driggers, Commentary on Luke 17:5-10, Working preacher). Previously, Jesus was teaching his disciples about forgiveness. His disciples shift the conversation from forgiveness to faith. The disciples ask Jesus to increase their faith.
From Jesus' perspective, his disciples asked the wrong question. Jesus uses figurative language to explain to them that those with mustard seed faith will be able to forgive those who sin against them. They can do the impossible with little faith. A mustard seed faith is enough for our discipleship.
Mulberry tree can be a symbol of a problem in your life and the life of our community. For the prophet Habakkuk the mulberry tree is disguised in injustice, tragedy, violence, and destruction all over Israel. He wanted God to uproot the mulberry tree and planted in the sea. He questions God's goodness. He wanted God to give him an explanation for the pointless violence. Do not we ask God the same questions about injustice and violence, particularly questioning the senseless shooting and death of innocent people of the Pine Grove Cemetery office in Wausau?
God reminds Habakkuk and us that God will deal with evil in God’s time and that we need to have faith, “the righteous live by their faith” (2:4). God will uproot mulberry tree that causes destruction and violence in our community. We need to have faith. This faith would help Habakkuk to see hope and restoration and will help us. A mustard seed faith can give us hope in working together to uproot the mulberry tree that represents gun violence in our country. This mustard seed faith encourages us to leave our homes to go to the world to advance the kingdom of God on earth and to speaks boldly against gun violence. A little faith in the Son of God is enough to help you with any problem you are facing in your life. The extraordinary faith is not the one that literally uproots the mulberry tree and plants it in the sea, but the remarkable faith is the one that helps you to believe that Jesus Christ is with you when you feel your world is falling apart. The mustard seed faith is enough to help you to face any crisis and can save you from falling into despair.
1st Annual Soup & Suds Gathering
October 8, 2019
It was the 1st Annual Soup & Suds Gathering at Immanuel Lutheran Church. All that attended had a wonderful time learning about the soap making process and enjoying a wonderful meal. Thank you Pastor Niveen for your inspiration to live a little greener. And thank you, Janci for the awesome soup and bread. It was so scrumptious. A special thank you to the ladies who attended the class. It was truly a great time of fellowship.
Can't wait to see that soap. It takes several weeks for it to cure. However, the dishwashing soap is ready to use in the kitchen. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/62995 | 1 Corinthians
Reading 1,00 - 16 Chapters - 437 verses - 9,489 words
Vital Statistics
Purpose: To identify problems in the Corinthian church, to offer solutions, and to teach the believers how to live for Christ in a corrupt society
Author: Paul
Original audience: The church in Corinth
Date written: Approximately A.D. 55, near the end of Paul's three-year ministry in EPhesus, during his third missionary journey
Setting: Corinth was a major cosmopolitan city, a seaport and major trade center - the most important city in Achaia. It was also filled with idolatry and immorality. The church was largely made up of Gentiles. Paul had established this church on his second missionary journey
Key people: Paul, Timothy, members of Chloe's household
Key places: Worship meeting in Corinth
Special features: This is a strong, straight-forward letter
Author and Date
Paul is acknowledged as the author both by the letter itself (1:1-2; 16:21) and by the early church fathers. His authorship was attested by Clement of Rome as early as A.D. 96 and today practically all NT interpreters concur. The letter was written C. 55 toward the close of Paul's three-year residency in Ephesus (see 16:5-9; Ac 20:31). It is clear from his reference to staying at Ephesus until Pentecost (16:8) that he intended to remain there somewhat less than a year when he wrote 1 Corinthians.
The City of Corinth
1. Its commerce. Located just off the Corinthian isthmus, it was a crossroads for travelers and traders. It had two harbors: (1) Cenchrea, six riffles to the east on the Saronic Gulf, and (2) Lechaion, a mile and a half to the north on the Corinthian Gulf. Goods were transported across the isthmus on the Diolkos, a stone road by which smaller ships could be hauled fully loaded across the isthmus, and by which cargoes of larger ships could be transported by wagons from one side to the other. Trade flowed through the city from Italy and Spain to the west and from Asia Minor, Phoenicia and Egypt to the east. 2. Its culture. Although Corinth was not a university town like Athens, it was characterized nevertheless by typical Greek culture. Its people were interested in Greek philosophy and placed a high premium on wisdom.
Occasion and Purpose
Paul had received information from several sources concerning the conditions existing in the church at Corinth. Some members of the household of Chloe had informed him of the factions that had developed in the church(1:11).There were three individuals—Stephanas, Fortunatus and Achaicus-who had come to Paul in Ephesus to make some contribution to his ministry (16:17), but whether these were the ones from Chloe's household we do not know.
Other Corinthian visitors had brought a letter from the church that requested counsel on several subjects (see 7:1;8:1; 12:1; 16:1).
This letter continues to be timely for the church today, both to instruct and to inspire. Christians are still powerfully influenced by their cultural environment, and most of the questions and problems that confronted the church at Corinth are still very much with us—problems like immaturity, instability, divisions, jealousy and envy, lawsuits, marital difficulties, sexual immorality and misuse of spiritual gifts. Yet in spite of this concentration on problems, Paul's letter contains some of the most familiar and beloved chapters in the entire Bible—e.g., ch.13 (on love) and ch. 15 (on resurrection).
How to read 1 Corinthians
Fights. Rumors. Factions. It’s all here in 1 Corinthians. Few other passages of scripture reveal the weaknesses of Christians as vividly as this book does. Some other topics include: Dealing with a sex-crazed society. Divorce—when is it justified? When Christians can and cannot sue. Get ready! You’re about to encounter God’s perspective on some hot topics. And in the process you will see how to encourage believers to make a godly impact on today’s world.
Notice how Paul sees believers as ones who are holy and called—in spite of their sometimes unholy behavior. Watch how he skillfully strives to wake them up to the fact that they are the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit (1Co 3:16; 6:19). Look for the obvious emotions that filled Paul’s heart as he wrote this letter. You will observe a wide range of moods expressed here, from anger to shame to sorrow to tenderness. He longs for believers to adjust their behavior to reflect the righteousness of Jesus. Paul’s words correct jealousies and pride, steering people away from extremes that undermine Christian unity and love. This book deserves repeated readings. Your time will be well spent as you examine areas in your own life where you may need to make a change.
1 Corinthians Interpretive Challenges
From that same chapter, the obscure phrase “baptized for the dead” (v.29) is used to defend the notion that a dead person can be saved by being baptized vicariously through a living Christian. There have been over 40 suggested explanations for this baptism. Regardless of how that particular verse is interpreted, the falsehood of dead people having the opportunity to be saved is proven by many other texts that are indisputable clear.
I. Introduction (1:1-9)
II. Divisions in the Church (1:10-4:21)
A. The Fact of the Divisions (1:10-17)
B. The Causes of the Divisions (1:18-4:13)
1. A wrong conception of the Christian message (1:18-3:4)
2. A wrong conception of Christian ministry and ministers (3:5-4:5)
C. The Exhortation to End the Divisions (4:14-21)
III. Moral and Ethical Disorders in the Life of the Church (chs.5-6)
A. Laxity in Church Discipline (ch.5)
B. Lawsuits before Non-Christian Judges (6:1-11)
C. Sexual Immorality (6:12-20)
IV. Instruction on Marriage (ch.7)
A. General Principles (7:1-7)
B. The Problems of the Married (7:8-24)
C. The Problems of the Unmarried (7:25-40)
V. Instruction on Questionable Practices (8:1-11:1)
A. The Principles Involved (ch.8)
B. The Principles Illustrated (ch.9)
C. A Warning from the History of Israel (10:1-22)
D. The Principles Applied (10:23-11:1
VI. Instruction on Public Worship (11:2-14:40)
A. Propriety in Worship (11:2-16)
B. The Lord’s Supper (11:17-34)
C. Spiritual Gifts (chs.12-14)
4. The necessity of exercising the gifts in love (12:31b-13:13)
VII. INstruction on the Resurrection (ch.15)
A. The Certainty of the Resurrection (15:1-34)
B. The Consideration of Certain Objections (15:35-57)
C. The Concluding Appeal (15:58)
VIII. Conclusion: Practical and Personal Matters (ch.16)
1 Corinthians Horizontal
1:1 - Thanksgiving for grace
Godly Wisdom
1:10 - Godly wisdom vs. worldly wisdom
3:5 - Servant of Christ
Worldly Wisdom
Paul Addresses Issues
5:1 - Immorality in the Church
He has Heard About
6:1 - Judging problems among Christians
Avoid Immorality
6:12 - Use your bodies for God’s glory
7:1 - About marriage
7:25 - Questions concerning marriage
8:1 - Concerning food offered to idols
9:1 - The “Rights” of an apostle
10:1 - Shun idolatry
Paul Addresses
11:2 - Head covering issue
Issues the
11:17 - The Lord’s supper
12:1 - Spiritual gifts in the body of Christ
Wrote About
13:1 - Love
Public Worship
14:1 - Spiritual gifts are for edification
15:1 - Resurrection is real
15:35 - How the body is raised
16:1 - Final instructions
God's character in 1 Corinthians
1. God is faithful - 1:9; 10:13
2. God is glorious - 11:7
3. God is holy - 6:9-10
4. God is powerful - 1:18, 24; 2:5; 3:6-8; 6:14
5. God is unified - 8:4, 6
6. God is wise - 1:24; 2:7
7. God is wrathful - 10:22
Christ in 1 Corinthians
Paul's letter to the Corinthians helped the believers mature in their understanding of Christ and corrected some of the false teachings that had flourished. Paul stressed the reality of Christ's death and resurrection to people who had begun to deny the resurrections of the dead (15:12-28). Sanctification through Christ is also portrayed as an ongoing process by which believers strive for godliness in their daily lives (1:2, 30) |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63009 | 2009-02-21 nipkow 2009-02-21 removed redundant thms
2009-02-17 nipkow 2009-02-17 Cleaned up IntDiv and removed subsumed lemmas.
2009-01-26 haftmann 2009-01-26 entry point for Word library now named Word
2008-12-16 ballarin 2008-12-16 More porting to new locales.
2008-06-10 wenzelm 2008-06-10 recovered nat_induct as default for induct_tac;
2008-06-10 wenzelm 2008-06-10 adhoc fix of induct_tac: rule nat_induct;
2008-04-04 haftmann 2008-04-04 renamed app2 to map2
2007-11-08 wenzelm 2007-11-08 eliminated illegal schematic variables in where/of; tuned;
2007-08-28 huffman 2007-08-28 revert to Word library version from 2007/08/20
2007-08-22 huffman 2007-08-22 removed Word/Size.thy; replaced len_of TYPE('a) with CARD('a); replaced axclass len with class finite; replaced axclass len0 with class type
2007-08-20 huffman 2007-08-20 headers for document generation
2007-08-20 kleing 2007-08-20 * HOL-Word: New extensive library and type for generic, fixed size machine words, with arithemtic, bit-wise, shifting and rotating operations, reflection into int, nat, and bool lists, automation for linear arithmetic (by automatic reflection into nat or int), including lemmas on overflow and monotonicity. Instantiated to all appropriate arithmetic type classes, supporting automatic simplification of numerals on all operations. Jointly developed by NICTA, Galois, and PSU. * still to do: README.html/document + moving some of the generic lemmas to appropriate place in distribution |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63010 | What I'm Doing Now
Despite their tiny confines,
these goldfish are wanderers.
Not for them, the shelter of the castle,
the calm of the tiny pebbles in their sandy bed.
Wherever, they are, it's not enough,
so they move on and on and on,
even if the place they come to
is the one where they've just been.
They can't hitch-hike across country.
They can't eat in bus-stations,
spend an hour or two
shooting the breeze with a stranger
in a town that's barely made it to the map.
Not for them, pine forests one day,
desert the next.
Or a night under a starry sky
followed by bunking on the floor
of a college's roommate's apartment
in St Louis.
For all their restlessness,
they can do no better than
glide round and round,
through the castle,
over the pebbles,
by the grinning glass-distorted faces.
"Do goldfish ever stop,"
somebody asks.
How could they,
with no gold fish bowls to stare into.
In the Land Where Pessimists Dwell
If spring is to be believed
and here nature and I differ
then the proffered hand
of bud and limb
can be shook by even
the most indifferent spirit.
But I have no faith in seasons.
To me, it's just weather
rearranging the dead bits,
painting some of them over
so fools will think them new.
For all their masked intentions,
heat is just bare-knuckle snow,
light is merely darkness counterpunching.
I firmly believe that
it's all January,
that I was born, will die,
in the frostiness
of New Year celebration.
Oh I've believed in spring, all right.
I've shaken that eager hand
of supposed change.
But I froze up doing it.
I turned the page
but not the calendar.
Visions of High Mindedness
on acid rain stained
streets i wanda
in my dinged up
tarnished honda
if i suddenly decided
i'd go off nowhere
i would not know the benefits
of breathing soot soaked air
i'd not know the magically
consistent gray monotonous tone
thrown up by these
buildings drab
i might have no impetus
to inch past its hair brained scheme
the vapid rapid pace of things
a source of mass insanity
hanky pankies everywhere
as i turn to trundle off
in search of
goodly transformations
not unlike klaus kinski
in a 1960s movie
buttressed & supported by
visions of high mindedness
Ghost of Eddie Stanky
the spirit of this baseball great
cant be kept away
his scabrous tongue inside dugout
wisecracks on the chisox play
filtered up from underworlds
an undetected way
the ghost of eddie stanky
looking skanky
holding sway
signaling & signing
to the players
cracking jokes
coughin up a loogie
goin up in smoke
Cartoon Boys Inner Battle
his hardnosed unforgiving way
almost never wins
struggling with demonic nature
traced back to his kin
cartoon boy a desperado
wrestling with a voice that brays
"stop yourself from fruitless dreaming"
this goes on all day
shaken by his cartoon rage
at war with himself this kid
hates the way
his aura strays
paralyzed in misty fields
behind primitivo shields
crouching in the dirt
fighting for self worth
slings & arrows of misfortune
in this way materialize
it is near impossible
for cartoon boy to fraternize
he soldiers on
despite how screwball
storms & stress
unscrew his head
Jerseyworks home |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63023 | Monday, March 21, 2011
Day 67–Let’s Go Fly a Kite
Brooklyn grabbed her kite to take advantage of today’s wind storm. After a few near misses with being the wind violently blowing the kite into the ground (and her face), this activity was short-lived, but a reminder that spring is almost here.
No comments: |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63027 | ACE Stabilizer
ACE Stabilizer
KAYA Triple carbon stablilzer is operated with high quailty triple cabon on the rods. It can make excellent performance at the shooting, Impact resistance, weight reduction, strength and wear resistance.
Therefore, triple carbon layer can hold each other and it bone two, three on each side of the layers. That way, in partlcular, the carbon can bond to at least two more, one in front, one in back.Quality Carbon Limbs.
• Long Stabilizer: 26", 28" or 30"
• Short Stabilizer: 10", 11" or 12"
• Extender Stabilizer: 3", 4", 5" or 6"
ACE Stabilizer Material |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63040 | December 7, 2008
Drawings, Journal
The Sommerer Family is doing a gift exchange and I was lucky enough to get my father-in-law’s name. I am the world’s worst shopper, ever, so give me some ideas. You don’t need to know his likes, hobbies, or interests, because even the people who know those things can’t buy presents for him. Just some random ideas, please. Thanks in advance.
Maybe he’ll just get this picture.
No need to worry if he’ll read this. He never checks this site.
About Lauren
View all posts by Lauren
Stay connected as you care to...
18 Responses to “Help.”
1. Kitt Said on:
Steaks? A Netflix subscription? Old Spice?
What’s your price range?
2. Brad Said on:
How about a ShamWow? …except now that I’ve googled it, I see many complaints. This was among them: “i picked up a leaf from outside and it soaked up the spill better than this thing.”
But maybe that would give him the gift of something to complain about, and EVERYBODY likes to complain.
• Cousin Sam Said on:
Right you are Brad me boy! and since Brad brought up complaining… This “news” site seems to turned into Weird Homes and Gadgets (I couldn’t come up with anything clever opposite Better Homes and Gardens.) It used to be about Ron Paul, auctions, trailers, building stuff no one needs, and Rock and Roll!
Gift- Wii seems to be hot now. Build him a Waa
3. Beth Said on:
Warm socks. He’s still a mailman carrier, right?
Or a gift certificate to that steakhouse in South Bend. He liked that place.
4. Lauren's dad Said on:
A hundred dollar silk tie?
5. Rae Said on:
Cigars and beer? or a good bottle of whiskey?
• Lloyd Said on:
Last time he came to our house he didn’t drink anything. I thought he was an impostor. It was sort of creepy.
• Rae Said on:
Did you check his temperature? Or poke him to make sure he was real? Do you suppose it was a temporary or permanent condition. Long term conditions like this are hard to get used to and may cause depression -- watch for symptoms (in him and yourself.)
6. Karla Said on:
I vote for something (or many things) from perpetual kid dot com.
7. Katxena Said on:
You know what I’d want in that price range? A Roku box and a netflix subscription. Or a garden cart.
8. kiwe Said on:
An ipod with a mix of songs from his childhood
9. Lauren Said on:
Thanks, everybody. I’ll take one of each!
Leave a Reply |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63041 | Free Furry of The Land: When SovCits and Furries Collide
Not too long ago I was fighting for a post idea. I had recently had a conversation in the super-secret-lawyer-chat (applications are apparently now open again) about furries, and decided “I bet there’s some crazy legal shit that goes down with furries.” A google search, however, didn’t come up with anything out of the ordinary.
Then the heavens opened up, and someone sent me the drama that is the Furry Cease and Desist Sovereign Citizen.
So, yesterday this Twitter post was brought to my attention. It’s from a member of the “furry fandom,” which, if you aren’t really familiar with it, is a fandom that consists of people that create large, talking animal alter egos. Hey, I don’t judge. Some people like getting spanked while wearing diapers, some people prefer Pepsi to Coke, and some people like dressing up like…what is this…Tasmanian Devils and shit and engaging in fantasy roleplay. I once played a Bard in a D&D campaign, it’s all good in Boozy’s hood.
The thing that got me wasn’t the “furry” aspect, but the Sovereign Citizen aspect of the whole thing, once again proving that some people have insanity so strong it can bleed right the fuck through a fursuit.
Alright, so, let’s be clear right off the bat, I’m going to be referring to people by their “fursonas.” I was unsure as to the meaning of the term, so I logged into Hulu last night and watched a documentary on the term. I was greeted with this image:
I’m pretty sure this is some shit I’ve seen in a fever dream at some point in time. But, really, the point of saying that is to make you aware that I’m not randomly calling people “Barry the Ox” or some shit like a low-grade mob boss. No, I’m using the names attached to the “fursonas” created by the actual people behind the character. That was a confusing sentence to type.
Alright, so the skinny on the situation: One furry named DeoTasDevil, who I’m assuming is a large tasmanian devil, criticized a convention (they have conventions) for allowing other furries to threaten her. That’s my read of the situation, at least, but apparently there’s some huge, convoluted background to the whole damn thing that involves something called “raiders” and shit. You can read that whole story on the Furry News Website (those are three words I never thought I’d place together in my life) Dogpatch Press. As you would expect from people who have built what appears to be their entire lives around the image of themselves as a giant animal, the response of the convention organization, Rocky Mountain Fur Con, was…completely reasonable.
Seriously, go take a minute and read that letter.
Done? Alright, so, every lawyer in the world that clicked on that probably got to this part:
and saw the strange bolding, the weird capitalization of certain letters, and the words “potentially damaging criminal activities causing substantial commercial injury damages” and went “OH SHIT! IT’S SOV CIT TIME!” Indeed. Indeed it fucking is.
Alright, so SovCit is legal jargon for “sovereign citizens,” a movement which believes that they can operate outside of and, in some cases, in a superior position to the law. While every goddamn lawyer in the world is aware of these batshit battlers, for you muggles out there here’s a high-level rundown of them from Vox. The rule of thumb (heh, see what I did there?) when dealing with a Sovereign Citizen is to recognize that you’re in for either a very good or very bad ride, depending on the particular brand of craziness they espouse. To even start to determine the particular brand of crazy, you gotta look at what they’re saying, though. So let’s go back to the letter.
Few things: first, at this point this appears to be a very strangely worded, but not abnormal, cease and desist letter. C&D letters are commonly notoriously bad, and list things that the writer has no actual ability to follow through on. Just ask guys like Randazza, who has been known to respond to C&D letters of this nature by sending, no shit, memes. Second, those seven points are probably complete bullshit. “Incite to riot?” “Trespass on contract Obligations?” Does “incite to riot” even get charged anymore? And seriously, could you imagine this riot in the mind’s eye of the writer of that letter? Just people in badger suits yanking out gats and opening fire on each other.
Is that “riot” or “hunting” at that point? Is it okay if they have a license and stick to the bag limit? These are questions left unanswered by the letter. We need to know what’s going on here. Let’s go back to the letter.
Two things: First, is anyone else shaking their head at the irony in a sovereign citizen relying on the law enforcement agencies of the government they don’t recognize to investigate shit? That one gave me a chuckle. Second, I want you all to close your eyes and imagine this call coming into your local FBI Field Office.
“FBI, Agent Smith speaking.”
“Yeah, there’s someone who’s promoting a shooting at our local event. We think they may be a terrorist.”
“Who is the suspect?”
“A six foot tall tasmanian devil.
This isn’t to say the Furry community doesn’t have real legal issues. Last year the California furry community was apparently rocked by a triple murder. Back in 2014, there was apparently a chlorine gas attack at a convention. These are real fucking issues, but neither of them appear to be unique to the Furry community (In the triple murders, once you get past the “furry” aspect, it’s clear the problem was the parents, who were furries, had banned their 17 year old daughter, also a furry, from seeing an older man, once again a furry, and…well…the boyfriend and his buddy killed the parents and a friend of the parents, also a furry). That shit happens in the non-furry world too. So, please, you know, don’t take my scenario above as a statement to not call the cops.
Just…maybe don’t threaten to call the cops when trying to prevent people from talking bad about your giant anthropomorphic animal convention.
Now, back to the letter.
Oh Jesus, the SovCit lien. This is a real thing, by the way. A Sovereign Citizen goes out into the real world, often blinking at the burning yellow ball in the sky, and files a lien against your property because they believe their statement in a letter, because it followed all of the “formal wizardry” their “movement” (is mental disorder a strong word? Can we use “mental disorder”) requires, is now a binding court order and judgment that can be used to place a lien on your property. Note: this shit actually happens. Sovereign Citizens will file these bullshit liens and force you to drag the whole goddamn thing into court to resolve them. When dealing with a SovCit, check your goddamn property encumbrances.
However, if the lien is followed through on by the SovCit, there are actual civil and criminal penalties for doing so. So, you know, they can “gold fringe flag” their asses right into poverty and the jailhouse by doing so.
Really? Oh NO! You mean DeoTasDevil can’t attend BatshitFest 2017? Thank god this thing is being held in Colorado, otherwise we’d be wondering what you’re smoking, man.
THIS part may be legal to the extent that it bans attendance at a convention (which has now been cancelled due to negative publicity and tax irregularities from the fact the 501(c)(3) lost its non-profit status in 2012 and then…apparently…you know…never filed taxes). A private party can bar attendance at an event at their discretion. The interesting part is the “if you try to register, we’ll keep your money.” The contract lawyer in me says this shit won’t fly. And, unlike the writer of this letter, I’m an actual…fuckin’…lawyer.
This is a sentence that was probably lifted from someone’s denial of government benefits. First, the only people issuing findings of fact and law are administrative law judges, few of whom are likely to be on the board of a furry convention in Colorado. Second, the “ten day” response time is pretty damn typical for first-level denials from government agencies, such as Social Security or USDA SNAP benefits. Third, the typos man, the typos. “[Y]our silent acquiescence is acceptable.” “Qui tacet consentire videtur,” by the way, is the legal Latin for “Silence is consent.” In other words: “If you don’t respond, you are bound to accept.” This works in contracts if silence is specifically stated as being a form of acceptance, it does not work when you send a demand letter to someone, and it does not work where there’s no contract at issue.
Again. Specifically stating that “silence is consent” is not applicable outside of contract principles. You can’t make someone liable for an act by saying “silence means you did it.”
That’s just not how any of this works.
But here is where the whole thing becomes obviously written by a SovCit:
Remember how back in school, red ink meant you did something bad? Yeah, that same principle applies in the Sovereign Citizen movement as well, as signing it in red ink kinda of clues the rest of us in that you’re crazy-go-nuts. Of course, to the SovCit the red ink and the “thumbprint” adds some special magic, because it shows they are a “flesh and blood person” and not the corporate entity known as FurpantsMcGee or whatever the fuck this guy calls himself.
Alright, so we’ve deconstructed the craziness. Let’s talk about the impact.
First, a Twitter user, furry, and lawyer, NanukBurr, did a deconstruction rant on his Twitter feed.
The best way to sum up the effect of the letter came from Nanuk, who opined as follows:
Yep. Sounds about right. Full disclosure: I chatted with NanukBurr last night. Nice guy. He tried to talk me into attending a convention with promises of booze. It’s winning me over. If he succeeds, I’m gonna be a motherfuckin’ badger.
So, what’s the takeaway here? It isn’t “ha ha ha, furry drama!” Well, okay, it is a bit. Because, seriously, this shit is just surreal. But here’s the real takeaway:
1. You should never let a Sovereign Citizen with no legal training sit on the board of your non-profit for legal matters. I sit on several non-profit boards, and I’m the lawyer for some non-profits, and this is just a bad idea all the fucking way around.
2. You should actually use a goddamn lawyer or risk having to cancel your event from bad publicity.
3. Furry Sovereign Citizens do not insist that their fursonas are their actually identities, which bums me out as I was really looking forward to seeing “BOOMER THE DOG, A FREE DOG OF THE LAND” on a legal pleading at some point.
4. This sort of shit is not exclusive to any one class of person.
5. This shit is better when you know the guy writing it has, at some point, jerked off to a picture of two animals fucking.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go make sure reading into all this didn’t awaken anything in me. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63051 | Skip to main content
Speech Research: Choose a topic
How to find information for speeches and the library assignment.
Know your assignment
• When is the speech to be given?
• What is the general purpose of the speech? (see below)
• How many minutes should your speech be?
• How many quotes and sources are required?
• What documents are required for turning in with the speech?
Your instructor is the best person to answer these questions.
Topic summary information at the start of the Library Assignment
Do not try to fill in the information at the start of the library assignment until you have finished researching your topic, because topic ideas usually change as you learn more about your topic. You may decide to focus your topic more, or broaden it, or select a related topic, depending upon the information available on your topic. Here are the blanks at the start of the assignment and a little explanation:
• Topic -- a brief topic statement.
• Purpose --depends on the type of speech you are working on:
• to inform the class about ... (whatever it is)
• OR to persuade the class to ... (believe in, take action about ... whatever it is).
• List three main points --the main ideas you plan to cover.
• Give the thesis statement --the main idea you plan to convey. Put your speech topic in the form of a question. The thesis statement is a one-sentence answer to that question.
• What is the link between the audience and the topic? Why should your topic be of interest your audience? How can they relate to the topic?
Tips for choosing a speech topic
View a tutorial: Developing a topic.
Basic Guidelines: (To access any of the library databases from off campus, login with your
• For informational speeches, choose a topic you know something about, based on personal experience or choose a topic you would like to learn more about. Create a personal inventory of your interests, what you do for fun (hobbies, talents, skills, travels, etc.), as suggested in your text, page 78. Or try the clustering technique in your text, page 78.
• Use a broad-topic reference database such as Credo Reference for topic ideas. You'll be searching in over 600 different subject encyclopedias and dictionaries) Type in a topic keyword. If you get too many articles, click "advanced search" on the purple menu. Check the box that says "Search only within headings." Type search terms and click search. Articles provide background information on topics and ideas about what aspects to cover. There are many dictionary entries to define terms and get correct spellings.
• Idea Generator - Web site that provides thousands of ideas for research paper and speech topics organized by broad topics such as Arts & Humanities, Business, Health Sciences, etc.
• For persuasive speeches, choose a topic about which you have an interest or opinion. The library database Opposing Viewpoints in Context is a great place to browse for a topic and get background information. Click “Browse Issues” on the top menu bar for their full list of issues (over 300). Click an issue and read the introductory paragraphs.
Know the general purpose of your speech
In speech classes, the general purpose of a speech is assigned by instructors. These are the three most assigned types:
1. Informative speeches - present the most interesting facts about a topic in a logical order. Leave any persuasive aspects for the persuasive speech.
2. Persuasive speeches - inform about a current issue, provide background, and give the most important reasons why the audience should believe something or take some kind of action.
3. Process speeches - describe how to do something usually describing a set of steps in a process. This type of speech is usually assigned at the beginning of the course. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63052 | The Monday Morning WHIP // 117
Hmm, there’s nothing like a bit of hippy advice to start the week, right, Stan (http://branddna NULL.blogspot
A little piece of wisdom from none other than Neil Young for you this week.
When Neil is working on a song or creative idea he says that he needs to, “Go sit by the rabbit hole.”
So what does he mean by this? I’ll let Neil explain;
“If you’re hunting for anything wild – and I consider any creative thing a wild animal – the worst thing you can do is concentrate on it, because it will never reveal itself.
But if you just hang out where you think it might be and ignore it completely it might just show itself.
Hence you go to the rabbit hole, you look at the trees and the sky. Then the rabbit turns up and you notice that, but concentrate on something else, then finally everything’s cool.
You and the rabbit are cool. And you have something new.”
OK, I admit it, Neil’s a bit of an old hippy with a fondness for Alice in Wonderland, but you could do a lot worse than take his advice and go spend some time by the rabbit hole.
Written by Junior
Originally posted on: 11/04/2011
Category: WHIP
Tagged: .
More WHIP? |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63056 | Make your own free website on
Understanding Cron the scheduler
Cron is the periodic event scheduler of your system. The following examples might give you an idea of its usefulness and necessity.
The point to catch onto here, is that cron doesn't care about the nature of what it is asked to run. It could be a script, or could, as easily be a binary. All that cron does, is issue the command line syntax asked of it, at regular intervals.
There are three man pages associated with cron
man cron
man crontab
man 5 crontab
They are not particularly informative, and the last, is to say the least, confusing. Here is what you need to know to make ANY program fire up at regular intervals (minutes, hours, daily, weekly, whatever).
The basic time tick of cron is one minute.
The all important file is /etc/crontab. There are TWO distinct sections to this file:
The latter is merely an extension to the first method and explained later. Both sections rely on the following consistent format
Crontab Format:
Minute | Hour | Day | Month | DayOfWeek | user | ThingToDo
'user' is the account name for the 'ThingToDo' to be run under. Exceptionally useful. You don't want every job running as root do you?
'ThingToDo' is as per any command line syntax. Typically, it invokes a script.
'Day' and 'Date' are easy to understand, but very difficult to read in their raw form
30 5 11 12 * root echo "hello"
On the 11th December at 5:30 in the morning, print hello on the console.
You can, if you wish, use English
30 5 * Dec Tuesday root echo "hello"
Say hello every Tuesday in December.
a more practical? example of this would be
30 * * * * root echo "hello"
say "hello" every 30 minutes
There are three constucts to any of the time and date fields
* Any value is valid (ie every hour)
9..5 Any value between 9 and 5 inclusive
*/5 every five minutes
9..5/2 every second hour between 9..5
Crontab Scripts:
This is the same construct as the first section but is organised so that the 'thing to do' is a series of scripts in /etc/cron.d. Specifically
ALL link to one or more programs in /etc/cron.d/lib
The 'programs' in /etc/cron.d/lib are all shell scripts invoking other programs.
This method, this construction, is endemic in Linux. It is well worth your time understanding how the mechanism works because it is the core to /etc/rc.d/initd among many other parts of the Linux OS.
Step 1
Whatever it is you want to do, you place it in the ~/lib directory. This one directory is THE place where the actual work is done.
Most commonly, the thing you place in the ~/lib directory is a shell script. It is not mandatory, but even if your program is a binary, it is recomended to place a simple script in the ~/lib directory to execute it. Why?
So that you and others can document what the program does, and when you expect it to happen!
It is 'irregular' and disorderly to place binaries in folders other than /usr/bin /usr/sbin etc.
Step 2
Provide a link in one (or more) of the hourly, daily, weekly (etc) directories.
ln -s XXmystuff /etc/cron.d/lib/mystuff
XX refers to the order in which the scripts in that directory will be run. If your program 'mystuff' doesn't rely on on other things happening first, you can give it any value.
Restarting Cron
Is NOT necessary. In this rare instance in Linux, it is not necessary to restart the daemon after alterations. crond checks /etc/crontab every minute to ensure nothing has changed. If it has, it reloads
Cron man pages |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63083 | Featured post
7 Life Lessons: A Letter to My Students
Thursday, 14 June 2012
Summer Freedom
Sunday, 10 June 2012
The Case For Homework or 'After-schooling'
A lot of Western research suggests that homework is detrimental in the early years. Kids should play and relax when they come home, and parents should not be “burdened” with the responsibility of homework supervision. Now, as a parent and a teacher, I don’t think this is true at all. I think that homework, whether it is mandated and prescribed by the school or simply created and planned independently by the parent is very important even in the early years, perhaps especially in the early years.
Why? Despite what Alfie Kohn and the other anti-homework guys say, I think that young kids (ages 5 to 10) benefit from twenty minutes to one hour a day of structured academic work at home (reading, writing, math). The amount of time will obviously vary based on the kid's age. My reasons for this belief are listed below:
· In school, kids learn in a group setting. Whether the teacher engages in whole group instruction or breaks the class up into smaller groups and gives each group an activity to do, each student is rarely spending significant amounts of time working through a particular skill on his/her own. As a teacher myself, I know that I can introduce a concept or skill in class and I can get kids to think critically about a piece of text in a discussion. However, the actual mastery of the skill can only be achieved if the student spends a significant amount of time working with the material independently at a pace that works for him/her. Now, the fact of the matter is that I don’t have enough class time to let kids wrestle independently with material as much as they should and practice skills as much as they should. They have to do this part on their own at home.
Furthermore, this skill reinforcement works best at home because kids are less distracted and pressured by their peers. There are definite limitations to the kind of learning and the depth of learning that occurs in a large group setting (classroom setting). Large groups are great for presentations, discussions, and activities. However, they don’t work as well for skill reinforcement and mastery of content and skills.
· In the early years, kids absolutely have to master a range of foundational skills. If they fail to master these skills, middle and high school are going to be nightmares for them. Between the ages of five and ten, kids have to become fluent readers, develop a substantial vocabulary, and master grammar and spelling conventions. In Math, they have to master basic numerical work and problem solving techniques (addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, fractions, decimals, time, money, percentages, basic geometry, word problems). These foundational skills are necessary to survive in our complex modern world, and they are crucial for future academic success. What I find as a high school English teacher is that many students lack these basic elementary skills. For example, I often have kids who don’t end sentences with periods (full stops). Some of my high school students (and I teach at an elite private school!) still don’t understand when to use an apostrophe. Some of my students have very weak vocabularies. I believe strongly that all young kids have to spend time at home mastering these foundational English and Math skills, and while teachers should introduce these skills/concepts and provide activities and avenues for practice, ultimately, parents have to ensure that their kids master these skills. I use the word “master (mastery)” very intentionally. These skills have to be mastered and completely internalized; it is insufficient to merely expose kids to these foundational concepts/skills and hope that they “get it”.
· Homework is also important because it teaches basic study skills. I have students in high school who cannot get their act together and get down to work. One of my students, for example, told me that she doesn’t know how to organize herself and get her homework done. She literally falls apart when she is asked to read a book, write a paper, or study for a test. Kids need to learn these skills early on so that high school doesn’t feel like a mad assault for which the kid is totally unprepared. The best way to teach kids how to work independently is to make sure that they sit down in a quiet space every evening after school and do forty minutes to an hour of structured academic work. They have to learn to focus their minds, practice their skills, and sit still. And they have to learn that they can in fact control their time and get their work done.
While they do this, they will also begin to realize the high correlation between effort and achievement, and they will begin to understand the satisfaction involved in intellectual work. While advocates of a fun and playful childhood might lambast homework as a spoiler of fun times, I believe that learning can be extremely satisfying. I think that working through a math problem can be very interesting and fulfilling, as can reading a chapter of a book, or crafting a thoughtful response to a story. I also think that drill style learning in limited doses can be fun. When a student has to work through a list of math problems, they may seem dry and boring, but the child will enjoy his own sense of achievement as he figures out the answers. And he’ll be able to see that practice does, in fact, make perfect. There is something innately satisfying about learning, and contrary to the popular notion that all learning has to be a song and dance routine to be fun, I fully believe that many kids find real, challenging academic work satisfying, if not “fun.”
Even if a child does not enjoy homework, it teaches important study skills, and it makes a child realize that sometimes we have to get work done whether we like it or not. This is a real-world lesson that kids should learn early on. I’m a teacher, and while I love being in the classroom, I find marking papers torturous. I absolutely hate marking. Yet, I mark every single piece of paper that my students turn in because it’s part of my job. Kids need to learn that they have to do all parts of their job, and some parts will be fun while others won’t. That’s life.
· A final benefit of homework: it allows parents to make sure that their kids get the education they need. I have worked in a number of schools, and I know that schools are not perfect. If a parent relies entirely on the school to ensure that her child is well-educated, she could be in for a rude shock. Parents have to be involved, and they have to supplement what the school does. If your child’s school is experimental and progressive, and if it espouses the ideas of experiential education and holistic education, then it is probably doing a great job of getting your child to think creatively and building your child’s self-esteem and confidence. These are very worthy and important skills and qualities, and the school should be congratulated and supported in what it does. However, the down side is that the school can’t do it all, and what gets shafted in the process is mastery of foundational skills and the development of hard-core discipline and work-ethic. In contrast, in a more traditional school (I’m thinking about Asian schools particularly), the school may focus so much on foundational skills that they neglect the more fun and creative projects and discussions that are so necessary to promote creative and critical thinking. Parents in this case might have to supplement in the other direction (more open-ended projects instead of drill).
The fact of the matter is that schools and teachers absolutely cannot reach every single child to the degree that they need to. What parents don’t realize is that their child is one of many at a school. Even the best, most expensive schools in the world have teachers that teach many children as opposed to a one-on-one tutoring system; at all the schools I’ve been in, a full-time teacher’s load is fairly overwhelming. An elementary school teacher, for example, teaches, on average, 20 kids in a class (and I’m talking about developed countries. In Indian schools, for example, classes can have over 40 kids.). There is no way that one teacher can give each student much one-on-one time. Furthermore, she’s busy trying to make sure that the naughty kids stay in line and that the class is not overly chaotic. And she’s bogged down by report writing, lesson planning, and a whole host of nonsensical administrative tasks.
As a high school teacher, I often teach up to 100 students (four or five classes) each semester. And I am inundated with marking, report writing, and admin work. And when I’m in a classroom of 20 kids, I can’t possibly give each kid much one-on-one feedback. The number of kids, the constraints of time, and the demands of classroom management all preclude working individually with kids. If I assign an activity to the group and then spend time working individually with students, you can be totally sure that at least two kids are wasting their time updating their status on facebook or surfing the web (I teach in a one-to-one laptop school that chooses not to block facebook), and another three kids are chatting (either out loud in the old fashioned way, or on their computers). So, the opportunity cost of one-on-one instruction in a classroom is relatively high. This one-on-one work has to happen outside of class, either at home or in a library.
So, in conclusion, I’m a fan of homework. It’s absolutely necessary, and all children should do it every day whether their school prescribes it or not. If the school doesn’t assign homework, then parents should.
Monday, 4 June 2012
Creating a Math Rich Home: Learning from Asian Moms
I’m an English teacher, so creating a language rich home for my young children came easily and naturally to me. And since most parenting literature emphasizes language (read to your kids, talk to them etc.) over all else, I always felt as though I was doing a great job on the cognitive development front with my kids. Then I moved to Asia.
Asian moms care deeply about Math, and their goal seems to be creating a math-rich home for their young children, as opposed to just a language rich home. Surprisingly, there’s very little literature/research on this particular topic. I’ve read tons of parenting books, and they all pretty much ignore the development of early math skills. Yet, in Asia, parents are very focused on cultivating mathematical minds from the get go. (Unfortunately though, they don’t formally research and publish their ideas.)
After a lot of searching, I found a few good academic resources on this subject. Jo Boaler’s book, What’s Math Got To Do With It, and the Sidwell Friends School Math website for lower schoolers, provide lots of good tips for parents. Neuroscientist Lise Eliot makes an interesting case for the early and deliberate development of visual-spatial skills in her book "Pink Brain, Blue Brain" and Stanislas Dehaene explores the way our brains process and understand numbers in his book Number Sense.
So, how should a parent go about creating a math-rich home? Here are a few suggestions, culled together from books, websites, and lots of informal discussions with Asian moms.
Stage 1 – Ages 1 to 4
Don’t just think books. Think blocks. Lots of blocks and building sets. Since a strong spatial ability is tightly linked to higher level Math proficiency, most researchers believe that block play will help kids in Math. In fact, there are studies that show a correlation between the sophistication of early block play and later Math achievement.
Also get your kids to do puzzles since they develop both problem solving strategies and spatial skills.
Play-doh, art, sand play, and general outdoor play are obviously really important at this stage as well. From the research that I've done, general manipulation of objects/play with objects helps children create a strong foundation for Math. Similarly, activities that involve sorting, classifying, and stacking/nesting of objects are great as well.
Count with kids A LOT.
If you live in a big city with lots of skyscrapers, get them into elevator math. Going up and down on an elevator is kind of like riding a number-line. Kids get to press a button and then see the elevator move up each floor. Talk to kids about the numbers on the elevator. Read the numbers. Calculate how many more floors you need to travel to get to the desired one.
Count when you grocery shop (I need five apples) and when you clean up (Let’s put five blocks back in the bin). Get them to help you cook (we need five eggs). Count whenever you can.
Use Math talk when you can; for example, can you find me two blue blocks. Great, now find two green ones. How many blocks do you have altogether? Let’s count. See two plus two equals four. Use words such as add, subtract, half, one third, taller, shorter etc.
Don’t just think numbers. Think shapes and patterns. Get kids to draw and color shapes. Get them to identify shapes around them. Get them to look at and identify patterns with shapes.
And finally, let them measure stuff. For some reason, my kids love playing with measuring tapes. So get them to measure all the furniture.
Stage 2- Ages 4 to 6
This is when Asian moms start getting very serious about Math. They figure that kids are now old enough to start learning the real thing. So they introduce concepts, and then they do what Asians love to do: they practice A LOT.
Most Asian kids I know start a Math enrichment program like Kumon, Abacus, or Math Monkeys around age 4 or 5. The idea here is to get kids really familiar with numbers and mental math. I researched these programs and found that they are very, very drill based. Now, I’m all for some daily drilling, but to me Kumon seems mind-numbingly boring. As a result, I chose not to enroll my son in Kumon. However, I know several moms who swear by it, and it definitely makes kids very, very familiar with numbers and basic computations (add, subtract etc.) If, like me, you’re not willing to go the Kumon route, you can still buy the Kumon books and use them a few times a week so that kids get some amount of drilling/practice.
Other great ways to get kids to become very familiar with Math include board games. Play lots of Snakes and ladders and any other game that involves adding and subtracting. Play card games. Make up games with dice and cards. Games like Yahtzee and Ludo work well too. Play mental math games when you're in a car or bus.
Use lots of blocks, legos, jigsaw puzzles, and games that involve numbers and strategies (Connect Four, for example). All of these will help kids develop spatial skills, which are tightly linked to higher level Math proficiency.
Introduce the Tangram game – great for getting kids to disembed shapes, and thus develop spatial skills.
Stage 3: Formal School (Grade 1/Primary 1 onwards)
Now, when I think about Math in grade 1 and beyond, I think about it on three levels: Math facts, Problem Solving, and Spatial Skills. Kids need to work on all three levels throughout the year so that by the end of the year they have not only developed a mastery of math facts but also developed their problem solving and spatial skills. For most kids, Math Facts are the easy part; it's the more analytic problem solving and the more creative spatial skills that are harder.
Level 1 – Mastery of Math Facts - Procedural Knowledge.
Kids have to know how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide quickly and efficiently. This is stuff they will use all their lives, and even if a calculator can do it for them, it is essential that they learn how to do it themselves. This is really basic foundational stuff. And the only way that kids get really, really familiar with numbers is through daily practice. So, whether you go the Kumon route or not, you’ve got to give your first grader lots of daily drills on this material. In Singapore, kids in primary 1 are adding and subtracting multi-digit numbers with frightening speed. And by the end of the year, they all know all their times tables. You’ve got to admire the dedication that Asian moms have towards making sure their kids know their Math facts. The sheer reverence for Math is something else.
While many Asian programs (Kumon, for example) allow kids to use standard algorithms (stack and carry to add with regrouping, for example), many Western programs and many Asian mental math programs advocate solving complex computations by breaking numbers apart. For example: If you have to subtract 83 – 15, you could think of 15 as 10 and 5. First subtract 83 – 10 to get 73 (very easy) and then subtract 73 – 5 to get 68. You could even think of 5 as 3 and 2, so 73 – 3 = 70, and 70 -2 = 68. Kids need to work on decomposing and recomposing numbers quickly. They’ve got to be flexible with numbers. Jo Boaler’s book claims that this is a distinguishing trait of high achieving Math students in schools. I think that kids need to be taught both the standard algorithms as well as the "mental math" techniques so that they can use whatever works best given the situation.
Level 2 – Problem Solving - Conceptual Knowledge
Singapore Math workbooks are great for this level. They introduce kids to interesting and complex word problems that require good verbal comprehension and significant logical and analytic thought. These books are not for the faint-hearted. They are about two or three years ahead of your average American text book, but then Americans don’t seem to care about Math the way Asians do.
Jo Boaler advocates making problem solving more creative by offering kids “Math Settings” or a range of materials (for example, blocks or dice) so that the kids can create their own problems. They shouldn’t just be able to respond to a question, they should be able to ask their own questions too. Some of the Singapore Math books provide equations (14 + 8 = 22, for example) and then ask the kids to provide a word problem for the equation. Writing word problems is a great way to make sure that a kid really understands a mathematical concept.
Level 3 – Spatial Skill Development - Creativity
So this is where I’m not so sure that Asian programs really work. They seem to be very workbook oriented and they need a more hands-on element. I’m terrible at spatial thinking, so I get worried that my kids may inherit my deficiency in this department. However, research suggests that spatial skills can be taught and improved with practice.
Activities to improve spatial skills include building models using directions or pictures (Blik Blok, Lego kits, modeling clay, Origami) and understanding how to put shapes together or disembed shapes (Tangrams, measurement activities, building activities).
Additionally, video games (Tetris, action games) supposedly help in this department. However, video games seem to come with a whole slew of problems of their own, so I’d be careful about overdoing gaming.
According to Conrad Wolfram, director of Wolfram Research and author of an article on connecting Math to the modern world, "programming is the way you write down Math in the modern world." It makes sense to begin programming activities (lego-programming/elementary robotics, Scratch, Logo etc.) with kids in elementary/middle school.
Kids need more opportunities to do hands-on stuff like taking apart a simple machine and putting it back together. Or simple carpentry projects.
Another great activity, which is very popular amongst Indian kids, is chess. I’m not a chess player, but it supposedly teaches spatial skills and problem solving skills simultaneously. This is an area that I find particularly challenging as a parent. It is definitely incredibly important in the 21st century, where visual-spatial skills are absolutely necessary to understand and navigate the digital world and the real world.
I think that creating a Math rich home and investing significant time and energy in Math from the get-go is a good idea. Just as early reading and talking help prime kids for success in school, I’m fairly convinced that early exposure to Math games and Math concepts help prime kids for success in Math. One more thing: in Asian families, succeeding in Math is not an optional thing. Just as kids have to learn to read fluently, they have to do well in Math, and that’s that. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63095 | A low temperature hydrothermal mineral of the zeolite group, this mineral is found in amygdalules and vanities in basalt. It is characterized chiefly by its cleavage, pearly luster on the cleavage face, and common sheaf-like groups of crystals. The name is derived from a Greek word meaning "luster," in allusion to the pearly luster.
Orthoclase is a rock-forming feldspar mineral that is common in granites, syenites, and high grade metamorphic rocks. It is usually recognized by its color, hardness, and cleavage. It is distinguished from the other feldspars by its right-angle cleavage and the lack of twin striations on the best cleavage surface. The name comes from the Greek orthos meaning "right" and kalo meaning "I cleave," in allusion to its right angle of good cleavage.
Named after the English mineral collector, John Henry Heuland (1778-1856), this mineral is a member of the zeolite group of minerals. It is characterized by its crystal form and one direction of perfect cleavage with pearly luster. It is usually found in cavities in basalt and as a devitrification product from volcanic glasses.
Serpentine is a common and widely distributed mineral which forms as an alteration of magnesium silicates. The variety chrysotile is the chief source of asbestos. It was named from the Greek ophites, meaning “of a serpent.”
A comparatively rare mineral, pyrophyllite is found in metamorphic rocks and was named from the Greek word for "fire" and "leaf" for the way it exfoliates when heated. It is mined and used as low-grade talc.
A widespread member of the mica group, this mineral is characterized by its brownish-red color. It was named from the Greek phlogopos for "resembling fire," in allusion to is red tint. It is found in contact and regional metamorphic rocks and as a common mineral in kimberlite.
The perfect cleavage of this mineral allows it to be split into very thin flexible sheets. It is the most common of the mica group minerals and is typically found occurring as "books." The name was used as early as 1794 by Johann Gottfried Schmeisser in his System of Mineralogy and is derived from the term "Muscovy glass," which was a substitute for glass.
Described by Mohs in 1820, this mica group mineral occurs with corundum. Its name is from the Greek word meaning "pearl."
This mineral occurs within a great range of compositions and is considered a group. It is characterized by its green color, micaceous habit, and cleavage, but its sheets are not elastic. It is a common mineral formed from alteration during low grade metamorphism. The name is derived from a Greek word meaning "green," in allusion to the common color of the mineral.
Tremolite is found most frequently in metamorphosed dolomitic limestone. It was named by J.G.A. Hopfner for the Tremola Valley, Switzerland. A felted aggregate of tremolite fibers goes under the name of "mountain leather" or "mountain cork." The mineral frequently is fibrous and is the material to which the name "asbestos" was originally given. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63096 | Episode 9: The 2007 Floods of Southeast Minnesota
Photo by Jeff Thompson
Rushford, MN during flood
This episode focuses on a crisis that residents of southeast Minnesota remember vividly. 11 years ago, in August of 2007, southeast Minnesota experienced catastrophic flash flooding. Depending on location, 8-20 inches of rain fell very quickly over a short period of time, resulting in mudslides, roads and bridges being washed away, homes and businesses flooded, and seven people died as a result in the flooding. This episode gathers two separate interviewees who talked about the impact of the 2007 flood: Richard Cordes and Karla Bloem. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63100 | XML Sitemap
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63112 | Print Music (Sheet Music), Instruments: CONN-SELMER, YAMAHA, KALA (ukulele).
You’re the bedrock of your music. The foundation. The fundamental. The link. You need an instrument with the strength and power to perform. An instrument that gives you the freedom to innovate, to create and push the boundaries. You need a bass where everything‘s just right.... Sound, feel, looks – nothing comes second.
Page 1 of 7 |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63113 | We always think about muscles when we move. But what about the bones. Do you know what your bones feel like? Can you feel them? Can you feel your joints?
(Yeah, I know, that was a weird question that you’ve never been asked, right?)
Muscles move the bones, so if you want a healthy body, you need to get to the furthest layer inside.
You need to know what joint compression feels like. You need to know what joint tension feels like.
Because if you don’t know if your joints are compressed, then how do you know if your muscles are “tight”? Do you know where you actually need to be stretching?
Follow me?
Tomorrow, I’ll give you a simple exercise that helps you explore the feeling of bone compression.
If you want customized help with exploration of the concepts in this post, I’m at 514-804-0504.
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Delicious! (A collection of meaningless crack stories)
94 replies [Last post]
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
Some people in their spare time do something productive, like study or learn new skills.
I am not one of those people, I just sit around day-dreaming all day.
And I day-dream about crack, all the time. Some of it half-serious, some of it half-insane.
And so I present to you, unwitting readers, a whole bunch of crack.
Chrono, for the sixty-second time, tried to care about the shoe box in front of him.
It was really hard.
There is a time in a young boy's life when he realises that Holy Crap, girls are different from boys. There is a time in a young man's life when he realises that Holy Crap, all girls are exactly the same. Chrono passed that point halfway through Act 1 and he was astounded, with a fascinated horror not dissimilar from those witnessing a car crash, that all girls were EXACTLY the same. Even those from different time/space/dimensional planes.
Chrono was watching the Chickiest Chick Flick of All Time. And it didn't even have the decency to be performed in a theater with comfy seats and dim lighting so that he could fall asleep. He was watching a play. That was being performed in a shoe box. By magical talking staffs.
Silently swearing horrible curses that can't be printed here due to censorship issues, Chrono helplessly watched Bardiche trying to woo the affections of Raising Heart. At least, that was what it LOOKED like. Bardiche was spouting more hard to understand romantic/poetic crap than Stephanie Meyer writing in Shakespearean English.
While the girls around him "Ohh'ed" and "Ahh'ed" as Raising Heart gave a reply speech that was even harder to understand than Bardiche's explaining some reason they couldn't be together that only made sense to girls, Chrono felt it was time. He couldn't LEAVE the room where this hell-for-men was being held, but he certainly wasn't going to WATCH it either.
Double-checking to make sure that all of the girls in the room (i.e: practically everyone he knows) was suitably distracted by Bardiche making a bold statement of his undying love that would get you laughed at in real life, Chrono quickly pulled out the PSP in his pocket and turned it on.
"Come to me Raising Heart! My love for you is like a star in the night sky, burning brightly with passion for you in a world of cold loneliness!
"No, stop it Bardiche! We can never be together! If we are stars, then we are twin stars in a Binary Solar System, always so close to each other yet fated to never touch!"
'Oh my god, what the hell is with all the freaking space metaphors!?'
Yuno screamed inside his head as he felt his sanity melt away. Bored, so bored, so god damn I may actually kill myself for some excitement bored!
You know how much attention span a ferret has? That's right, you don't. Yuno doesn't know either, his shriveled up after the first 30 lines.
'Screw it,' thought Yuno, 'I'm not even going to even PRETEND to watch this anymore.'
Yuno quickly looked left and right to make sure he wasn't caught while he retrieved his PSP from his pockets and turned it on.
Chrono came very close to screeching this out loud, but by some divine miracle managed to just telepathically scream at Yuno instead. Somewhere along the 34th Act (where Raising Heart was leaving Bardiche behind so she could study in Germany) Chrono and Yuno both realised that they were both playing Nanoha A's Portable: Battle of Aces and were challenging each other.
If you've never played this game with other people then you have no idea how freaking annoying it can be. Seriously, you'll be screaming BEAM SPAM for years. But in a good way.
"Bardiche, I've come back from Germany!"
"Oh Raising Heart, I've missed you more than the planetary mass of Jupiter and it's 65 moons combined!"
"Take THAT Blue Boy!"
"Stop spamming that stupid shieldy thing Ferret! Who the hell plays as Shamal anyway!?"
"The guy whose kicking your ass!"
"Bardiche, there's something I need to tell you before you continue!"
"Dear god, how many of these stupid bind traps do you have?!"
"I don't know, how many stupid homing tornado things do YOU have!?"
"Oh no Raising Heart, don't tell me..."
"YES BARDICHE! I met someone else while I was in Germany!"
"Bitch! Stop healing yourself!"
"Then stop spamming that stupid square move!"
"How could you?! We promised we'll be together forever!"
"Grow up! We both knew this relationship would never last, I've found someone much more better for me!"
"Who could possibly love you more than I do Raising Heart?! Don't tell me it's-"
There was some confusion over the last lines. Since multiple people screamed at once, no one was sure who said what.
Chrono had stood up on his seat so that he could scream at Yuno more directly while flipping him the bird.
Yuno had also stood up on his seat so that he could taunt Chrono by pulling down his eyelids with one hand, sticking his tongue out and flipping him the bird with the other hand.
Fate had jumped up to her feet and was shaking her fist angrily at Graf Eisen.
Vita had also jumped up onto her feet and was enthusiastically dancing around in place while making some 'unusual' gestures to Bardiche.
In the end, people became too emotional to continue watching 'Devices Of Our Lives' and the entire show was canceled.
The moral of the story here is:
A) It is very easy to become 'emotionally attached' to a session of Battle of Aces.
B) You should never bring boys to chick flicks, ever.
C) Star-light Breakers are great for breaking up small riots.
Cardboard box is here!
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
"Hey, Fate. Do one of these melons look bigger than the other to you?"
"Oh no Nanoha, I know for a fact that your perfect melons are- Oh wait, you're talking about actual melons. The one on the right is definitely bigger."
"Cool, we'll buy this one then."
They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, so the path to a crisis must be paved with value neutral intentions then.
Maybe. That probably doesn't make any sense. The point is, Nanoha and Fate are grocery shopping and shit is going to hit the fan in 5 minutes.
"Hey Fate, which one of these marshmallows do you like?"
"Oh Nanoha, you know I couldn't possibly choose between your oh wait your talking about actual marshmallows. Um, whichever is cheaper I guess?"
"Okay then, I'll just check the price and HOLY MARK UP PRICING BATMAN, WHAT THE HELL!?"
Unfortunately for everyone in the store, years of enforcer training had given Fate the reflexes of a cat but for some reason absolutely no self control. Cue explosions.
"WHAT!? WHAT IS IT NANOHA? Are we being invaded? Is there trouble on the farm?!"
"Calm down Fate!"
"Oh dear god, Timmy's trapped in the well and he can't get out?! OH THE HUMANITY!"
"CALM DOWN DAMMIT! It's just this bag of marshmallows!"
"Eh, what's wrong with them? It's full of cockroaches or something?"
"What the... No, this bag is more than three times more expensive than all the other bags!"
Fate stared closely at the marshmallows in question.
"Um... It says on the back they're made in Switzerland."
"Really? That can't be the reason it's so expensive though, can it?"
"Gimme the bag for a bit?"
Nanoha passed the marshmallows to Fate, who began to inspect all the fine print on the bag. While Fate was going over the ingredient list and wondering what half of the crap in it even was, Nanoha was idly shooting security cameras so the cops couldn't charge them with the destruction of half a super-market.
"AHA!" proclaimed Fate suddenly.
Incidentally, whoever trained Fate seemed to have trained Nanoha the same way. Cue explosions.
"What!? WHAT!? Are we being Zerg rushed by Koreans? I haven't even made two zealots yet! Protoss are too slow dammit!"
"...Nanoha, what?"
"Uh...Never mind. Anyway Fate, what's up?"
"I found out why these marshmallows are so expensive! It's because these particular marshmallows are asbestos free!"
"...What? Fate, aren't ALL marshmallows asbestos free?"
"Well if they are, then why make these special asbestos free ones then?"
There was deep silence as the two engaged in deep thought, the quiet only interrupted by the sounds of Nanoha absent-minded way of destroying the rest of the security cameras. (She's so used to it she doesn't even notice anymore)
"Hey Nanoha, do you know what this means?"
Nanoha's face held a blank expression for a while, clearly conveying she had no clue. But then a light bulb seemed to light up in her mind as her eyes widened and her face turned red.
"Fate, we can't do that! We're in a super market and someone might see us-"
"No, not THAT! I'm talking about asbestos!"
"Eww, that's not sexy at all..."
"Think, Nanoha! We've been secretly eating asbestos laden marshmallows this whole time without even realising it!"
"Oh my god, you're right Fate! We got to tell everyone and stop them from eating other marshmallows before they kill themselves!"
"Oh crap."
"...Fate is something wrong?"
"Nanoha, are you thinking about what I'm thinking?"
"Probably, but we should try to control ourselves until we get back home. I heard the toilets here aren't very clean and it's not exactly the place I'd want to have -"
"Dammit Nanoha, I'm thinking about Vivio!"
"See, you get it now?! We have to go back home and-"
"That's so disgusting Fate, Vivio's only a little kid!"
In the end, Nanoha and Fate managed to escape being caught by the cops and being charged with destroying a super-market.
The asbestos free marshmallows turned out to be a giant scam as all marshmallows are asbestos free anyway.
Not that they realised, the two us ended up spending an extra $10 for a bag of marshmallows and didn't learn their lesson at all.
Cardboard box is here!
Juno's picture
Joined: 12/29/2010
Posts: 658
Those reflexes are damn near hair-trigger. Nearly anything sets them off. O_o'
On another note, did you mean this Zerg Rush? ->
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
Vivio Man: The Sequel!
(Somewhere in Hawaii. And by Hawaii I mean some sand box in a a playground somewhere. Use some imagination, dammit.)
(Einhart is playing on a broken ukulele with only one string while Vivio tries to sing and dance a hula that is so horrible that any Hawaiian person watching would have been totally justified if they killed her)
Einhart: Holy plot device Vivio Man!
Vivio: I'm a girl.
Einhart: Whatever. There's the Vivio-signal over there! (
(The Vivio-signal is clearly shining in the sky. However, some idiot has placed it up-side down)
Vivio: What are you talking about, that's totally something else.
Einhart: Look, let's just go OK?
Vivio: Quick, to the Vivio-Mobile!
(The two of them dash towards a tricycle with a sidecar attached. Einhart hops into the sidecar while Vivio jumps into the driver's seat and peddles away)
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
Vivio: Mayor Reinforce, what's the matter?
Reinforce: It's terrible! Some one has been going around stealing stuff!
Vivio: ...Um, is that really a job for a super hero? I mean, that's kinda what the police are for right?
Einhart: Ouch, harsh.
(Reinforce pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket and gives it to Vivio)
Reinforce: Here's a list of all the victims, you should go to all the victims and try to get clues.
Vivio: Gee, way to tell me how to do my job! This isn't a freaking RPG, I can figure it out you know...
Einhart: ...Hey, your writing's pretty small you know. I can't even read it.
Reinforce: ...
(Suddenly Reinforce bursts into tears)
Reinforce: It's not MY fault I was a born a midget you know! Waaaaah~~~
Einhart: Oh shit dude, I'm so sorry!-
Reinforce: What you think just because I'm a little smaller than you I don't have any feelings?!
Vivio: A LITTLE smaller than us?
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Our heroes are in the middle of the road, after narrowly escaping an ass whupping by a midget)
Einhart: The first on the list is Nanoha and Fate, so we should go see them first.
Vivio: OR we can be all cool and original by starting at the bottom first.
Einhart: What, why?
Vivio: Because being a hero means doing stuff that no one else does! That's why I'M the hero and YOU'RE the sidekick
Einhart: I thought it was because you won that rock-paper-scissors game.
Vivio: Yeah, I won and you didn't. That's doing something that you didn't do.
Einhart: Yeah whatever, the last person on the list is... Reinforce.
Vivio: ...Okay fine we'll start at the top....
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(The two are at Nanoha and Fate's house)
Vivio: Nanoha? Fate? Are you here?
Nanoha: Oh, if it isn't Vivio and Einhart! You haven't been eating any asbestos laden marshmallows have you?
Einhart: Eh? What?
Vivio: We were told something was stolen from you and we're here to help you get it back! Can you tell us anything about what was stolen?
(Nanoha goes red)
Nanoha: It's...something that I kinda need.
Vivio: Uh huh...
Nanoha: Fate and I use it for... wrestling
Vivio: ...Okay? What does it look like?
Nanoha: It's....Ah....Um....
Vivio: Yes?
(Vivio looks at Nanoha expectantly while Nanoha gets more and more flustered)
Nanoha: You know what, why don't I go get Fate to explain it for you?
(Nanoha runs back inside. Eventually Fate is pushed out the door while Nanoha sticks a Post-it note to the door saying that she won't let Fate back in until she explains the 'item')
Fate: You see, we lost our strap o-
(Door bursts open and Nanoha grabs Fate and pulls her inside. Seconds later Fate is pushed out again but she has a black eye.)
Einhart: Holy crap, what happened?
Nanoha: She walked into a wall.
Einhart: Um, I don't think that-
Einhart: Yes ma'am sorry ma'am please don't eat me ma'am!
Fate: Look, long story short we lost our... championship pro-wrestling belt.
Nanoha: Good one
Fate: Thanks. Anyway, it's big and black and it's got a... horn on it.
Vivio: ...A horn?
Fate: It's a wrestling horn. For wrestling. While you wrestle.
Vivio: ...Okay? Anyway, we're off to the next victim now. Bye!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Fade to black)
Cardboard box is here!
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
Oh god that's hilarious XD
Vivio Man the Sequel, part 2!
Last time, Vivio Man and Einhart the Boy Wonder were on the trail of a mysterious thief who had stolen Fate and Nanoha's... things.
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Our heroes are walking down the street when they see Chrono)
Vivio: Hey sidekick-
Einhart: I have a name you know...
Vivio: Whatever. Is Chrono on the list?
Einhart: Um... Yeah he is. Should we go talk to him?
Vivio: Of course, let's go!
Vivio: Hey, Chrono!
Chrono: Hm? You need something?
Vivio: We heard that you lost something and we're here to help you find it!
Chrono: Really? That's okay and all but it's not something I really need help with...
Einhart: Why's that?
Chrono: I lost the TV remote, it's not that big of a deal.
Vivio: ...That's it?
Chrono: Um...Also I lost my Subway card?
Vivio: ...Anything else?
Chrono: I dropped a coin and it rolled into the drains the other day...
Einhart: Anything IMPORTANT?
Chrono: I'm missing some anime DVDs but that's about GAH!
(Vivio has kicked Chrono in the balls)
Vivio: Don't waste our time, jerk!
Chrono: You called me!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Somewhere in the park)
Vivio: Well that was a complete waste of time
Einhart: Not really, that was a sweet kick
Vivio: Yeah, I know
Einhart: ...Nu?
(Subaru is lying on the ground with no shoes on while Teana is desperately trying to get Subaru to stand up by dragging her. She is failing horribly as Subaru keeps flailing her arms and legs around)
Vivio: Um... Is something wrong?
Teana: NOOOOOO Everything is just FIIINE
Vivio: Oh, okay. We'll just be going then.
Einhart: I'm pretty sure she was being sarcastic
Teana: Of course I was!
Vivio: Jeez, don't be so confusing then!
Subaru: Walking is for alligators and ostriches!
(Subaru manages to kick Teana off and is rolling around the ground in a bid to escape. Teana jumps up and starts pistol-whipping her)
Subaru: NUUUUUU!!
Vivio: Okay, WTF?
Teana: Some bastard just stole Subaru's skates and now she refuses to walk anywhere! JUST! WALK!
Subaru: Walking is for lizards and cows!
Einhart: Wait, you mean they were stolen just now?
Teana: Yeah, some crazy purple chick with STOP KICKING ME!
Subaru: Stop pistol-whipping me then!
Vivio: Quick, which way did they go?
Teana: Okay, that's it!
(Teana shoved the gun she was whacking Subaru over the head with into her mouth.)
Vivio: Oh shit!
Einhart: What the hell man?! Just calm down!
Vivio: Don't shoot her bro!
Vivio: Wait! What if you ask really nicely if Subaru will walk?
(Teana stares at Vivio)
Vivio: ...Just try it?
Teana: FINE! (Ridiculously over the top sugar sweet tone) Please walk?
Subaru: (Ridiculously over the top sugar sweet tone) No, f##k off.
Cue explosions.
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Random street)
Vivio: I'm just going to ignore everything that just happened.
Einhart: Good idea, Hayate is next on the list by the way.
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Hayate's house)
Vivio: Hello? Anyone home?
Hayate: Who is it?! Are you cops!?
Vivio: No, it's us; Vivio Man-
Einhart: Your a girl
Vivio: Whatever, and Einhart the Boy-
Einhart: Girl
Vivio: WHATEVER! It's us, Vivio and Einhart!
Hayate: Okay, climb in through the bathroom window.
Vivio: ...Why?
Hayate: Just do it!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Our heroes are inside Hayate's house. The house is a complete mess with everything strewn across the floor, walls and even the ceiling.)
Vivio: Wow, what happened in here?
Einhart: We're here to help you recover something that was stolen from you!
Hayate: OH THANK GOD! I lost my most precious item and I really need it back!
Vivio: What is it?
Hayate: It's a Post-It note!
(Vivio stares at Hayate for a while and then winds up for another kick)
Hayate: I've lost the Post-It of Ultimate Power!
Einhart: The what?
Hayate: It's a Post-It with a magical spell on it, whoever holds it can sexually molest anyone they want without getting into trouble!
Vivio: Holy shit, is THAT how you do it?
Hayate: Please, I need it back; I haven't grabbed someone's funbags for almost an hour now!
Vivio: Okay then... Do you have any clues as to who did it?
Hayate: Not really, I think I saw someone though. She was kinda tall I guess but that's all I know...
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Outside the Mayor's office)
Einhart: Well, Reinforce is the last victim. What should we do?
Vivio: ...Ignore her?
Einhart: ...
Vivio: Okay fine, let's just hope she's forgiven us.
(They knock on the door)
Einhart: Excuse me, are you there Mayor Reinforce?
Reinforce: I don't know, maybe I'm too SHORT to be in right now!
Vivio: Oh crap, she's still mad at us...
Einhart: Um... We're here to gather clues and stuff, do you know anything?
Reinforce: I don't know, maybe I'm too SHORT to know!
Vivio: Annnnd this is going no where...
Einhart: We're both really sorry! Right, Vivio?
Vivio: Why the hell do I have to sorry that she's such a midGAAH!
(Einhart has grabbed Vivio and suplex'ed her)
Vivio: Okay, I'm sorry! This hurts dammit!
(Inside Rein's office)
Reinforce: Okay, so what's up?
Einhart: We've talked to everyone and your the last person left.
Reinforce: Cool. Long story short, someone stole my nail polish and I was going to paint my nails rainbow colours tonight with Hayate. Have you seen her by the way?
Vivio: She's... kinda busy.
Reinforce: That's too bad. Any clues on who it is?
Einhart: Actually, no. All we know it's someone kinda tall who wears purple.
Reinforce: ...That doesn't help at all
Vivio: Yeah, we know. Any ideas?
Reinforce: There's only one person who can help us now!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Mid-Childa City Prison)
Vivio: Huh, I thought I'd be at least 16 before I went to prison.
Einhart: Really? I thought you should have been arrested several paragraphs ago.
Reinforce: Shush, we're here.
???: Well, well well. If it isn't Vivio Man-
Vivio: I'm a girl.
???: Whatever, and Einhart the Boy Wonder-
Einhart: What she said
??? Whatever.
Reinforce: Enough recycling of old jokes! We've come to see you for advise. They that to catch a criminal you have to think like a criminal and that's why we're here to see you... FERRET!
Yuno: Yes! The Ferrent returns! More screen time!
Vivio: Oh shut up and tell us what we want to know.
Yuno: How can I tell you if I have to shut up?
Einhart: Don't make me suplex you.
Vivio: She's serious, trust me I know.
Yuno: Fine, I'll help you. But you gotta get me out of here in exchange!
Reinforce: How about no?
Yuno: Then solve it on your own.
(Several miniutes of silence passes. The only sounds that can be heard are of Vivio randomly shooting security cameras)
Reinforce: How about we reduce the sentence from imprisonment for life to a couple of years?
Yuno: ...How many years?
Reinforce: How about nine
Yuno: That's still a bit-
Reinforce: Thousand?
Yuno: What the... 9000 is even worse than life!
Reinforce: Fine, we'll let you go...
Yuno: Sweet!
Do do do doooo
Yuno has joined your party!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Mayor's office again)
Yuno: If we can't pinpoint a criminal based on the physical descriptions you gathered, we have to try guess who it is based on what they stole.
Vivio: Okay then; the stolen items are a Championship Pro-Wrestling Belt...
Yuno: A what?
Einhart: Nanoha and Fate want it
Vivio: It has a wrestling horn and everything
Yuno: ...Okay
Vivio: Um, we're also missing a TV remote, a Subway card, a coin and some anime DVDs...
Yuno: (writing this down) Okay, go on...
Vivio: Subaru's skates are missing as well...
Einhart: Hayate's missing some kind of Post-It that lets her grope anyone she wants-
Yuno: Holy shit! Is THAT how she does it?!
Vivio: I know right?
Reinforce: And my nail polish is gone.
(Yuno has written a list of all the missing items and is staring intently at it. )
Yuno: I've got it! The culprit is...
Vivio: Yes?
Yuno: The culprit is...
Einhart: Uh huh...
Yuno: The culprit is...
Yuno: Dammit you made me forget!
Reinforce: I'll kill you!
(They fight)
Yuno: Oh wait, I remember now!
Reinforce:You better.
Yuno: The culprit only stole items that were mildly annoying to lose, therefore the culprit can't be a big name villain!
Vivio: I guess that makes sense...
Yuno: And that's it.
Vivio: Huh? You mean you don't actually know?
Yuno: No, not really. I'm just making stuff up so I can stay out of prisGAH
(Vivio has kicked Yuno in the nuts)
Einhart: Holy convenient plot device Vivio Man-
Vivio: I'm a girl.
Einhart: Whatever. The Vivio-Signal is being lit up again!
(The Vivio-Signal is shining in the sky again but it's still upside down)
Vivio: Quick, to the Vivio-Mobile!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
Vivio: Look, Nanoha is next to the Vivio-Signal transmitting thingy!
Einhart: Isn't just a spotlight?
Nanoha: Oh, it's terrible! Fate has been kidnapped and they left this note!
Vivio: This must be the work of The Ferret!
Yuno: Why me!?
Vivio: Because this is the exact same thing that happened last time!
Einhart: It looks like the kidnapper is challenging us to try and rescue Fate. With any luck the thief and the kidnapper are the same person so we can get this over with quickly.
Vivio: I'll say, this is taking too long.
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Inside some generic evil lair)
Fate: Eh? Where am I?
???: You're in my Evil Lair!
Fate: No way, it can't be-!
???: That's right, it's been a long time Fate and now it's time for my revenge!
Fate: Bullshit! I refuse to believe it's really you!
???: Too bad because it is, now I'll torture you until your little friends arrive!
(The mysterious villain pulls a whip out of no-where and starts whipping Fate)
Fate: OW! That hurts!
???: It's supposed to! (whips some more)
Fate: Ow, red! Red!
???: What the hell is- Wait, are you telling me to stop in bondage language?
Fate: It works when Nanoha whips me too hard!
???: What?
Fate: Nothing.
(A nearby window suddenly explodes as Nanoha crashes through it, posing as she lands)
Nanoha: Fate, I'm here to save you!
???: Oh come on, I haven't even tortured her that much yet!
(The door explodes off it's hinges and Vivio and Einhart enter the room)
Vivio: Halt evil doer!
Einhart: We're here to save you!
(The light coming in from the busted door reveal the villain to be...)
Nanoha: PRECIA TESTAROSSA! But how?! You died back at the end of the first series ages ago!
Precia: Ha! I just fell into some weird inter-dimensional gap - that's just like falling off a cliff which everyone knows never kills the villain!
Nanoha: Crap!
Precia: I've finally returned after years of being trapped in something that looks like a stoner's nightmare to have my revenge!
(Precia whips Fate some more, who swears at her with words I can't type because I can't spell them)
Nanoha: It's time to put a stop to this!
(She pulls out a jewel thing from her pocket)
Nanoha: Moon Prism Power- Make HEY!
(Precia whips it out of Nanoha's hands, breaking it and thus ending any chance of me reusing Sailor Nanoha again)
Nanoha: Fine then! Raising Heart, Set STOP THAT!
(Precia whips RH out of Nanoha's hands and catches it)
Precia: Now no one can stop me!
Vivio: Uh hello? You forget about us or something?
Precia: Who the hell are you two?
Vivio: I'm Vivio Man
Einhart: Your a girl.
Vivio: Whatever, and this is Einhart the Boy Wonder and DON'T YOU CORRECT ME THIS TIME!
Einhart: Yes ma'am.
Fate: No Vivio, it's too dangerous! Fate-mama can handle herself!
Vivio: No you can't, your getting your ass kicked.
Precia: Whoa whoa whoa, hold up for a second. Fate, this your kid?
Fate: Yeah, kinda. She's Nanoha's and mine...
Precia: ...Wait, what? But your both girls!
Nanoha: Get with the times Precia, we've been gay for each other since like, episode 4 of the original series.
Precia: But that's when you two first met!
Fate: Yeah, pretty much.
Precia: You see, THIS is yet another reason why you suck Fate. My Alicia would have totally married a guy and-
Nanoha: Okay, easy on the homo-hate purple girl. Just gimme back my waifu so we can go wrestle some more.
Einhart: Don't you need your wrestling belt?
Nanoha: Huh, what are you talking about?
Fate: She means the strap o-
Precia: Dude, I can't believe my daughter's gay. I'm just going to kill you now before you gayify the place with your gay germs.
Nanoha: Get with the freaking times oldie!
Precia: Never!
(Precia grabs a plastic shopping bag from the corner of the room and starts picking things up from it and throwing it at Nanoha, Vivio and Einhart)
Precia: Take this! Subway card attack!
Nanoha: (smack) Gah, my nose!
Vivio: So she IS the thief as well!
Precia: That's right, I stole a bunch of crap just to piss you all off!
Einhart: Dammit, Yuno was completely wrong, this is a high level villain!
Precia: Damn straight, now eat roller blades!
(Precia throws the skates at our two heroes and knocks them over)
Vivio: I'm not giving up! (Charges at Precia)
Precia: Oh yeah, let's see how you like this... Post-It note?
(All of a sudden Precia grabs Vivio and starts going all Hayate on her)
Fate: Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?!
Precia: The hell if I know, I don't even want to do this!
Nanoha: I would be extremely pissed off at you right now but I'm strangely okay with it!
Einhart: The Post-It of Ultimate Power is too strong!
Fate: Seriously, do you have to ruin EVERYONE'S childhood?!
(Precia drops the Post-It, allowing her to stop feeling up little children)
Vivio: I feel so violated...
Einhart: There, there Vivio. Everything's going to be okay.
Precia: ...Well, I'm still winning.
Nanoha: Yeah, cause your a freaking pedo you jerk!
Fate: No wonder your so hung up about Alicia you pervert.
Precia: Oh shut up, it's not like I MEANT to touch her like that!
Nanoha: I bet MJ used the same excuse!
Precia: Stop going on about it okay? I'll throw more things at you!
(Precia throws some nail polish at Nanoha)
Nanoha: You stained my dress you bitch!
Precia: That's right, and I have plenty more crap to throw at you too!
(Precia pulls Chrono's wallet out of the bag, takes all the money and credit cards out and throws it at Nanoha)
Nanoha: Oh hey, this wallet is pretty nice
Einhart: I'll avenge Vivio you sicko!
Precia: Oh for god's sake, it was an accident!
(Precia picks up a TV remote and throws it at Einhart. She catches it and throws it back. Precia whips it out of the air and throws the first thing she grabs from the bag)
Einhart: Oh hey! Nanoha, Fate! I found your wrestling belt!
Precia: Dude! Accident! CHILL!
Fate: Bullshit!
Precia: Shut it, take this!
(Precia reaches into the bag and stops dead. She looks into the bag in both shock and awe.)
Precia: Holy shit, I found it... I FOUND EL-HAZARD!
Nanoha: It's in a plastic shopping bag?! BULLSHIT!
Precia: Behold! El-Hazard!
(Precia pulls something out of the bag. Everyone stares in surprise as she reveals)
Einhart: The complete collections of El-Hazard: The Magnificent World on DVD?
Vivio: That's an old anime, right?
Nanoha: Oh my god, you are some kind of retard.
Fate: ...
Precia: Ah ha ha ha ha haa! There's nothing I wouldn't do for Alicia, even tracking down an old anime series from 1995!
Precia: Pretty much, yeah.
(Fate suddenly grows huge muscles and turns green. She breaks out of her bonds and then pounds Precia into a pulp)
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Back in the sandbox/Hawaii)
Vivio: Well, I'm glad that's all over with
Einhart: You said it. Now let's enjoy the rest of our vacation.
In the end, Precia the kidnapping thief miraculously survived Fate's brutal pummeling and was arrested for theft, kidnapping, all the charges she gained during the first series and inappropriate touching of minors.
Vivio and Einhart enjoyed their 2 hours of vacation before they had to go home, do their homework and get ready for school the next day.
Nanoha and Fate got their 'wrestling belt' back and were able to wrestle as much as they wanted.
Chrono got all of his stuff back except for his wallet, which pissed him off.
Subaru got her skates back, enabling her to move again and finally ending the tension between her and Teana.
Hayate didn't get her post-it back as it was deemed to dangerous and it was destroyed. Not that it mattered, as Hayate was so good at molesting people that no one tried to fight it anymore.
Reinforce didn't get her nail polish either as it was all over Nanoha's dress. Since the dress was ruined she just cut bits of the dress off and stuck it to her fingers.
Since Yuno was no help at all he was rearrested and put back in prison. He's cellmates with Precia.
Alfred the butler never appeared. He's so lonely, we should go visit and give him a hug or something.
Cardboard box is here!
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
Vivio Man 2.5: Prose edition!
A collection of short stories after Vivio Man: The sequel.
"Honk honk, here comes the airplane!" announced Vivio happily as she maneuvered her toy plane around, doing stunts that only could only be done if the pilot was Chuck Norris.
"Vivio, I'm pretty sure airplanes don't go honk..." remarked Einhart as she rolled her toy tank across the sandpit.
"Heiriparatzu then!" exclaimed Vivio.
"What kind of noise is THAT?!"
"I'm thinking of a number between one and three" yawned Precia.
"Eh? It has to be two then, right?" asked Yuno.
"WRONG RODENT BOY!" screamed Precia straight into Yuno's face "The answer is 2.314!"
"What the... that's unfair!" was Yuno's reproachful reply.
"Oh shut up, I'm evil and I'll cheat as much as I want."
"Oh Fate~~" sang Nanoha suggestively. "How about we go and do some wrestling?"
"Sorry Nanoha, but I have to finish all this paperwork by tomorrow" said Fate apologetically while indicating to a mountain of papers that even Sir Edmund Hilliary wouldn't have climbed.
"Oh come on Fate!" pouted Nanoha "What's more important, hot steamy R18 lesbian wrestling or paperwork?"
Fate stopped writing and thought about this for a while.
"Definitely the first one, which is why I'm going to do the paperwork instead."
"Ehh?! That doesn't make any sense!" wailed Nanoha.
Fate suddenly swung around and embraced Nanoha, much to her surprise (and delight)
"Wrestling time now?" she asked hopefully.
"Nanoha, you know I love you right?" whispered Fate in her ear.
"Y-yeah, of course..." stammered Nanoha, who suddenly felt a little nervous.
"Nanoha, if I could then I would wrestle with you until I died but I just can't do that. Nanoha, I have to do this paperwork now so that we can afford to pay the bills and wrestle later. Do you understand?" asked Fate softly.
"Oh my god Fate, I had no idea you were sacrificing hot steamy wrestling now for hot steamy wrestling later! I'm so sorry for not realising earlier!" Nanoha tore herself away from Fate.
"I'm so sorry, I was being too selfish and only thinking about my own primal, carnal urges to do you until we break our hips!" With this Nanoha turned around to leave.
"Nanoha!" exclaimed Fate. Nanoha jumped and by pure reflex destroyed half the house.
"Nanoha," said Fate more quietly this time (and completely ignoring the huge property damage.)
Fate extended her hand out towards Nanoha "Let's finish the paperwork together"
Nanoha stared at Fate's outstretched hand.
"No thanks, that sounds boring" she said flatly before leaving.
Precia sighed and watched Yuno do his compulsory laps in his hamster wheel. "Sooo bored" she moaned.
Yuno glared at Precia but couldn't say a witty reply. He was too busy running to waste his breath on telling her to shut up.
"Jeez rodent boy, what do you do all day in this dump?" Precia whined as she started kicking the hamster cage in boredom.
Yuno's answer was to point down at the wheel.
"Oh, of course" Precia picked up a food pellet as she was kicking the cage walls and threw it at Yuno. He fell over and ended up flying out of the spinning wheel.
"What the hell Precia?!" screeched Yuno as he bounced off the floor.
"Meh, bored."
Hayate was walking down the street when she saw Signum walking Zafira (who wasn't even in his dog/wolf/whatever form, he just had a leash around his neck and was following Signum around. Signum wasn't even holding onto the leash)
"Hey guys? You going for a walk?" asked Hayate as she changed her pace to keep up with her friends.
"Yep, more or less" said Signum nonchalantly. Zafira said woof, even though he could talk as a dog.
"Oh, cool. I guess I'll join you!"
And so the three of them walked around aimlessly, with Signum (not) walking Zafira and Hayate (not not) groping Signum.
"Oh hey Signum, isn't Nanoha and Fate's house around here?" asked Hayate as she ignored all public decency laws yet somehow not being arrested.
Signum took a look around her surroundings, not to see if they were in Nanoha and Fate's neighborhood but to see if anyone had spotted that Hayate's hands were now inside her shirt.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that they live around here. By the way, what are you doing to my bra?"
"Bako bako bako bako BWOOSH!" Einhart rolled her toy tank across a mini sand castle she built as she imagined a city on fire with people screaming for their lives as a giant tank making 'bako bako bako' sounds squished them to death. She made the "BWOOSH" sound again as she imagined the turret of the tank shooting flames like a flamethrower, destroying and burning and crushing everything in it's way.
She was having fun.
"What are you doing?" Yuno was lazily lying on the ground, staring up at Precia as she kicked the cage walls.
"I'm kicking the cage walls." She replied flatly.
"Would you like it if I threw more food-pellets at you?"
"No thanks"
"Heiriparatzu-Heiriparatzu-Heiriparatzu-Heiriparatzu" droned Vivio as she flew her toy plane over a sand castle she built (which was more like a sand lump-of-sand.)
Einhart decided not to question Vivio about her choices of onomatopoeic sound effects anymore and was concentrating on quietly bringing COMPLETE AND TOTAL DESTRUCTION on her sand castle (which was more of a sand masterpiece, sadly)
"Open the bay doors!" ordered Vivio cheerfully as she acted out the MASS MURDER OF MILLIONS by carpet bombing her sand lump-of-sand. "Honk honk!"
"I thought I told you planes don't go honk" said Einhart listlessly as she slammed her tank into the walls of her sand masterpiece, causing it to fall down.
"I know, so I'm making the bombs go honk when they explode and destroy the orphanage" said Vivio innocently.
"Oh, okay" replied Einhart and went back to mentally committing atrocious war crimes in her imagination.
"Ah! I have to go home now!" exclaimed Vivio suddenly as she packed up her toys. "I'll see you tomorrow!"
"Bye bye!" waved Einhart as she watched Vivio leave. She then maneuvered her tank to destroy the sand lump-of-sand and it's inhabitants.
She was disappointed to find them dead already.
"Jeez Signum, why is your bra so hard to take off?!" fumed Hayate, tugging at the offending clothing but to no avail.
"I wouldn't know" Signum lied, hoping that she wouldn't figure out that the straps were hot-glued together.
"Hey, can you wait until AFTER we visit Fate and Nanoha before you strip me naked?"
"No waiting, I'm feeling you up right now and that's final" exclaimed Hayate as she used magic to shred the bra to pieces and began enjoying her 'reward'.
Zafira was ignoring the whole thing.
"Oh look, we're here" Signum said to try and distract Hayate from having fun with her funbags.
"Hm? Oh your right, I guess we should HOLY CRAP!" screamed Hayate.
Signum, with extreme difficulty due to the girl massaging her mammaries, drew her sword and began waving it around.
"What is it Hayate? Is it the cops? Have they finally noticed I'm being sexually assaulted?"
"It's not that, it's THAT!" Hayate pointed with her foot, because nothing was going to stop her from bouncing around Signum's boobs until she was good and ready(i.e: when Shamal comes along)
Signum looked down at Hayate's foot, then looked across to where it was pointing and saw...
"OH MY GOD YOU TWO, GET A ROOM!" screamed Signum
"I FINISHED THE PAPERWORK!" Fate shouted back as she wrestled Nanoha over her desk. Due to the fact that Nanoha had destroyed half the house several paragraphs ago, this wrestling match was open for the world to see.
Signum groaned and Hayate giggled.
"Fate-mama, Nanoha-mama, I'm back home!" called out Vivio. "Is the window open? Why is it so drafty in OH MY GOD!"
Signum dashed forward (with Hayate trailing behind as she clutched onto her ki-ki's) and covered Vivio's eyes, leading her away.
"Oh crap, Hayate! What should we do?!" panicked Signum as Vivio squirmed.
"Eh, just ignore it. I'm busy touching your ta-ta's" came the casual reply.
Zafira, amidst this confusion, was deadly calm.
He looked left.
He looked right.
Quickly seizing his chance, he pulled down his pants.
He shat on Nanoha and Fate's garden.
Cardboard box is here!
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
Vivio Man 3: Because an on-the-spur-of-the-moment crack fic, a sequel and a spin-off isn't enough!
Last time on Vivio Man, Zafira was a BAD DOG and nothing especially interesting happened.
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(Weird swirly thing)
(Inside a court room)
Einhart: Holy lost causes Vivio Man, I don't think this is going to end well!
Vivio: Don't be so negative, we can totally win this!
[We join our heroes in the courtroom, as they stand on trial for a multitude of criminal charges including copyright infringements among other things]
Judge: You may now begin the cross-examination, Mr. Wright
[Phoenix Wright is our heroes' lawyer. Unfortunately he's at that stage in the game where we all just present everything in our inventory as evidence, hoping we can just restart the game later and pretend we're legal geniuses.]
Phoenix: No wait, I got this one! Uhh... I have a bag of M and M's!
Judge: I like Smarties better, take this!
(The life bar thingy goes down)
Einhart: Oh my god we are so screwed
Vivio: Use some ACTUAL evidence moron!
Phoenix: Uh, hang on... My attorney badge!
Einhart: YOU IDIOT!
Vivio: We should have gotten Edgeworth! DO SOMETHING!
Phoenix: I HAS A PEN!
Judge: Oh snap, innocent!
Einhart: What the fu
Vivio: Don't question it, just drop it and go...
(Weird screen swirly thing again)
(Inside the Vivio Cave)
Einhart: Holy crap Vivio Man, I can't believe we actual got out of that
Vivio: Yeah, it was pretty close. We have any new missiony questy sort of things?
(Einhart walks over the Vivio Floor to the Vivio Mailbox outside the Vivio Cave)
Einhart: Uh... We may have won this week's sweepstakes?
Vivio: Boring, what else is there?
Einhart: (Flipping through the reams upon reams of endless junk mail) We can increase the size of our pen - fifteenth for 6 easy payments of $19.99...
Vivio: why would we have 15 pens? Any REAL mail?
[Einhart flips through the mail, throwing away all junk mail into the paper recycling bin. Because it's recycling is the right thing to do. Eventually she has thrown everything away except for one envelope.]
Einhart: Ohhhhhh crap...
Vivio: What?
Einhart: Yuno and Precia have broken out of prison!
Vivio: ...Son of a sea-lion
(Weird screen swirly thing again)
(Mid-Childa Prison)
Reinforce: I was wondering when you two would arrive.
Einhart: Eh? What are you doing here?
Reinforce: I'm not just the mayor you see; I'm also the warden of this place. I'm also the butcher, the baker, the candle stick maker, the police, the jailer, the executioner, the tax man, the army...
Einhart: Is this going to go on for any longer?
Reinforce: Long story short, I'm every public office and retail here in the city.
Einhart: Seriously? How do you-
Reinforce: Less talky more walky
[The three of them head to the cell/hamster cage that once held the villains. It's predictably empty of course.]
Einhart: Any idea how they escaped?
Reinforce: Let's check the security tapes
Yuno: -of a number between zero and infinity
Precia: 43,527.459 (kick)
Yuno: Oh my god, how do you even DO that?!
Precia: I'm hardcore (kick)
Yuno: What, are you still kicking that wall?
Precia: Better than anything else in here... (kick)
Precia: ...Holy crap, I broke the wall
Yuno: ...sweet!
End tape]
Einhart: Should of realized something stupid like that...
Reinforce: Well, we have absolutely no leads this time but you have to find those two and bring them back. Autobots, move out!
Einhart: What?!
Einhart: Yeah, I'm gunna go now.
(Weird screen swirly thing again)
(Vivio Cave)
Einhart: What's the matter Vivio Man? You've been kinda quiet...
Vivio: Ah, you see... I saw something.
Einhart: Saw what?
Vivio: Well...
(Flash back:
"Fate-mama, Nanoha-mama, I'm back home! Is the window open? Why is it so drafty in OH MY GOD!"
End flash back)
Einhart: Ouch.
Vivio: Let's go solve this already.
(Weird screen swirly thing again)
Yuno: You sure this will work?
Precia: Trust me, I have a plan that will get rid of Vivio Man and Einhart the Boy Wonder forever!
(Fade to black)
Look everyone, a cliff-hanger! Yay drama!
Cardboard box is here!
ditto526's picture
Joined: 08/17/2010
Posts: 295
Somebody has Waaaaaaaaay to much time on their hands
But i like it
Sigurd's picture
Joined: 05/30/2010
Posts: 903
You have to put these in spoiler tags...
Aka: [spoiler] BLAH [/spoiler.]
(Remove the period)
Courtesy of: ayahdiamon -- --
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
Thanks, I'll do it now
Well that's strange, I can't find the edit button for one of my posts and sometimes the spoiler thingy just makes a giant grey blob...
Cardboard box is here!
Sigurd's picture
Joined: 05/30/2010
Posts: 903
That means someone literally replied on your original post and therefore cannot edit it anymore. And also that "grey blob" is what happens when your browser doesn't load properly.
Courtesy of: ayahdiamon -- --
Kasirganin Forveti's picture
Joined: 08/25/2010
Posts: 102
... I'm at a loss for words but that is a good thing, really. Please continue this madness, which came straight out of crack heaven.
Also, I think I love you for writing this. Marry me? Don't you dare say no! It's for science and justice!
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
@ Ditto: Yes, I have nothing but free time, which I spend by dreaming up random crack. Which means more crack fics for you all to enjoy/suffer
@ Kasirganin: For science AND justice? How could I refuse?! HURRAY SCIENCE/JUSTICE!!
[We last left our heroes as they suffered from childhood trauma while the evil Precia and Yuno develop both their plot and mine]
(Weird screen swirly thing again)
(The Vivio Cave)
Vivio: Let's think, if I was the bad guys where would I hide?
Einhart: You'd wanna go somewhere really difficult to invade right?
Vivio: Not so! What you REALLY want is to go somewhere stupidly annoying for the good guy to get into, like in the middle of a frozen wasteland that's only accessible by doing crappy sliding ice puzzles and jumping on icy platforms that make you slip off!
Einhart: Holy hell on a stick, that's the most evilest thing I ever heard!
(Weird screen swirly thing again)
(Inside Mid-Childa Airport)
Einhart: What are we doing here?
Vivio: Isn't it obvious? We're buying tickets to Antarctica!
Einhart: ...Seriously? You actual think they'll be there?
Vivio: Probably not! 2 child tickets please!
Reinforce: Oh hi guys, since kids travel free just go in and do whatever.
Einhart: You work here too?
Reinforce: I work EVERYWHERE. Even the shop where Nanoha and Fate get their 'wrestling supplies'
Einhart: ...ew
(Weird screen swirly thing again)
(In Antarctica)
Einhart: Who the hell would have a secret base here anyway?
Vivio: Bad guys. Let's go, hop on the Vivio Mobile.
Einhart: You brought it with you?
Vivio: ...No, I thought you had it
Einhart: ...Well fuc
(Weird screen swirly thing again)
(In the middle of Antarctica somewhere)
Vivio: Oh dear god, it's freezing out here! Whose stupid idea was it to come out here anyway?!
Einhart: YOURS
Vivio: Well it was a stupid idea! You should have stopped me!
Einhart: Don't blame me, they better be here!
Vivio: ...
Einhart: Hey, are you listening?!
Vivio: Now that I think about it, isn't the final boss always in a volcano or something?
Einhart: Huh? What?
Vivio: I mean, there ARE ice levels but they're usually a little past the second half of the game. Most of the final bosses are in volcanoes or something with fire and stuff right?
Einhart : So... You don't think they're here?
Vivio : Nope
Einhart : You changed your mind?
Vivio : Yep
[A polar bear has appeared and is making weird growly/snorty sounds at the two heroes. They aren't even polar bear sounds at all, hell it doesn't even sound like any kind of bear at all.
Actually, it doesn't even LOOK like a polar bear. God, even I don't know what the hell it's supposed to be...]
Sort-of Polar Bear thing: GraGraGruuu!
Vivio: Oh crap, it's a rabid koala!
Einhart: Oh, is THAT what it is?!
Sort-of Polar Bear/Koala thing: GraGuMoo! Piyun!
Vivio: Did it just go 'piyun'?
Einhart: Do we... fight it?
Vivio: What the hell is wrong with you, pandas are endangered!
Einhart: What, it's a panda now!?
Sort-of Polar Bear/Koala/Panda thing: Grikika! Grikika! Other assorted miscellaneous onomatopoeia sounds!
Vivio: Oh shit, the squirrel talks!
Einhart: Squirrels aren't even close to bears! How does this even look like a squirrel?
Vivio: How does it even look like anything!?
Einhart: Maybe we should just leave it and go...
Vivio: Yeah... Quick, to the Vivio Moboooooh crap I forgot
(Weird screen swirly thing again)
(Back in the Vivio Cave)
Einhart: Before you drag me to some random volcano, maybe we should do some research about where Precia and Yuno can be first.
Vivio: Okay then, I'll just Google it
Einhart: Uh, I don't think-
Vivio: Found it, lets go!
Einhart: What, seriously?!
Vivio: Quick, to the Vivio Mobile for realz this time!
Einhart: Never do that again
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(The bad guy's secret hideout)
Einhart: Seriously, they're in here?
Vivio: Yes, their secret base is this abandoned KFC!
Einhart: I wonder why?
???: Because the rent is cheap!
(Precia suddenly pops out from behind a counter)
Precia: Ah ha ha ha ha! Now you're trapped!
(The door locks behind our heroes. Yuno has sneaked up behind them and locked it)
Yuno: There is no escape!
Precia: Our plan is almost ready to be set in motion, now all we need is those two to arrive...
(Someone crashes through the window)
Fate: Unforgivable! The sailor-suited beautiful solider of love and justice: Sailor Fate! In the name of Nano/Fate, I will punish you!
(Fate is in her Sailor Moon outfit again, which reminds me that I should bring that post from to here)
Nanoha: Likewise, Sailor Nanoha!
(Nanoha tries to crash through another window but without the awesome powers of the moon prism thingy she lost back in Vivio Man 2 she can't)
Nanoha: Gah, my nose!
[Fate breaks the window for Nanoha and she climbs in]
Fate: We're here to stop you and steal the spotlight from Vivio and Einhart for the third time in a row!
Nanoha: What she said!
Vivio: Gee, thanks.
Yuno: Fools, you have walked right into our trap!
Precia: Initiate the evil plan!
[All the lights dim, throwing the room into darkness. Suddenly, two spot lights focus on Precia and Vivio. The lights are so strong however that it brings tears to Vivio's eyes while Precia swears under her breath while she is momentarily blinded.]
Precia: Vivio Man...
Vivio: Hang on, gimme a sec
[Einhart hands Vivio a handkerchief, who uses it to dry her eyes]
Vivio: Okay, go
Precia: Vivio Man, I am... YOUR GRANDMOTHER!
(Insert Darth Vader's theme here)
Precia: It's true! Sorta, kinda... Anyway, join me and the dark side!
Vivio: How about no?
Precia: ...Damn, I was sure that would work.
Einhart: Are you serious?
Precia: Time for Plan Q!
Yuno: You mean B?
Precia: Shut up, whatever!
[Another spot light appears, focusing on a door on the far wall]
Precia (in an extra sugary sweet, highly suspicious tone): Oh Vivio, your grandma has got you lots of presents!
Vivio: ...Really?
Precia: Yup, and candy too!
Vivio: Seriously, really?!
Precia: Of course, now why don't you and your friend go in that room all the way over there and play?
Vivio: YAAAAY!!
(Vivio grabs onto Einhart and cheerfully drags her off into the mysterious side-room]
Nanoha: You monster, you lured innocent kids into a trap!
Precia: Not really, there really is presents and candy in there.
Fate: What, seriously? How come you were never this nice to me?
Precia: Because A) you suck and Q)
Yuno: You mean B
Precia: WHATEVER! 2) I always wanted grand-kids which I will never get with YOU Fate!
Fate: Oh shut up!
Precia: At least Alicia would have given me grand-kids cause she is isn't a homo like you!
Nanoha: Ouch man, harsh.
Fate: Yeah well...uh
Precia: Alicia would have come back with a come-back too!
Fate: Yeah well, Alicia will never come back cause she's DEAD
Nanoha: Um, that's kinda harsh too...
Precia: Now that I have the kids out of the way, I just need to get rid of you!
Yuno: I'm pretty sure you meant B instead of 2 back there
Precia: Shut up and bind them!
[Yuno does the only thing he's good at and binds Nanoha and Fate. Well, that's not fair. He's good at library stuff as well, you know, stuff that doesn't pull chicks]
Precia: Now all that's left is to get rid of you two while you can't hit back!
Nanoha: You are such a JERK Precia!
Precia: It's whipping time! (She pulls out her whip)
Nanoha: Stop right there, I won't anyone whip Fate except me!
Precia: ...What?
Nanoha: Nothing.
Precia: I'll just whip you instead!
???: Hold it right there!
(The ceiling explodes, sending rubble falling down that miraculously seems to bury no-one except Yuno. The shockwave from the blast breaks every window in the building.)
Yuno: No, it can't be you!...
???: YES, it's me! HAYATE!
[Hayate has recycled an old gag and is in her Sailor Moon outfit again]
Precia: Who the hell are you?!
Hayate: I could ask the same thing!
Fate: Oh right, Hayate; this is my mother. Mother, this is my friend Hayate
Nanoha: This kinda isn't the time for that kind of introduction...
Precia: ...What, is she gay like you too?
Fate: I'm pretty sure she's bi
Hayate: WHAT?!
Precia: Enough chit chat, time for the whip!
[Precia whips Nanoha. Who is tied up with magic thingies. In a dark room]
Hayate: Hey, am I interrupting something? Cause I can leave if-
Nanoha: Just come and save us!
Yuno: Not if I bind you first!
[Yuno binds Hayate]
Hayate: Crap, I forgot all about you!
Yuno: Hey man, that hurts...
Precia: Now I'm pretty sure no can is left to stop me!
???: Hold it right there!
Precia: OH COME ON!
[The door explodes off it's hinges and Einhart enter the room]
Precia: What the... but you left with Vivio a couple of paragraphs ago!
Einhart: WRONG! You see, I'm not the real Einhart; I'm...
[Einhart transforms like a Transformer, with that same sound that they do. You know what I mean]
Fake Einhart: I'm really a Decepticon!
[The fake Einhart has transformed from Einhart to Einhart. In other words, she didn't really change at all except for the decepticon symbol on her chest]
Hayate: Holy crap, Rein was on to something!
Fake Einhart: Sorry Precia, but I can't let you get away with this as it would interrupt my plans.
Precia: Let's see you say that after you've been binded! YUNO!
[Yuno tries to bind the Fake Einhart but is kicked in the nuts instead]
Yuno: WHY?!
Fake Einhart: I dunno, I thought you always had to attack the boss in it's weak-spot
[With Yuno down Nanoha, Fate and Hayate break free from their bonds and beat the living shit out of Precia]
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Mid-Childa Prison, outside Precia and Yuno's cell/giant hamster cage)
Reinforce: Good work guys, Yuno and Precia have been re-arrested.
Nanoha: Thanks
Fate: No problem
Hayate: Glad to help
Precia: Heh heh heh...
Reinforce: Eh? What are you scheming Precia?
Precia You think I didn't incorporate a back up plan into my stratagy?! Fools! Now you will have to face my secret weapon!
[Something suddenly bursts into the room and knocks Nanoha and Fate down. Hayate and Reinforce get into fighting poses and are ready to bomb the crap out of the intruder when they see...]
Vivio: hinanohamamaandfatemamaguesswhatiateatonofcandylikeahugeamountofcandyanditwasyummyandtastyandyummyandsweetandyummyandyummyandeinharthadsometooanditwasyummyandweplayedwithallthesetoysandstuffthatpreciagaveusanditwasfunandweateallhercandyanditwasyummy-
Hayate: Whoa, what?
Precia: BEHOLD, MY SECRET WEAPON! By feeding her nothing but candy and giving her truckloads of toys and presents, I have not only made her like me more than she likes you losers but I have also made her hyperactive!
Fate: NOOO!!
Nanoha: You monster!
Precia: Since she's your kid, you guys have to deal with her now! Ah ha ha ha ha!
Hayate: ...What an evil genius!
Reinforce: Really? Isn't that standard grandma behaviour?
Precia: No, standard grandma behaviour is all of the above plus giving them money.
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
And so at long last, Precia and Yuno have been captured after they broke out of jail.
Nanoha and Fate had one of the most major parenting trials of their life when they tried to handle hyper Vivio, which only became worse when hyper Einhart came to play as well.
Hayate and Reinforce painted their nails. That's it.
Alfred the butler never appeared and never will.
Zafira was never caught for pooping in the garden. He's on his way now to do it again.
Fake Einhart: That was too close... I have to finish this soon before this thing gets any more corrupted...
Sort-of Polar Bear/Koala/Panda/Squirrel thing: Hibechukaraak! KURAKOORORAKASNACKADACKA!
Cardboard box is here!
Kasirganin Forveti's picture
Joined: 08/25/2010
Posts: 102
[le gasp!]
LIEZ! People never die foah realz! They are put on a bus or mysteriously vanish or get revived in some weird way or enter a parallel universe after 'death'... but they never stay dead!
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
Before I forget, I'm pulling the original Vivio Man from some other thready thing to here!
Quick, to the Vivio-Cave! (swirly cut-to thing here)(Inside the Vivio-Cave...)
Vivio: Well if it isn't my trusty sidekick Einhart, Boy Wonder!
Einhart: I'm a girl.
Vivio: Whatever.
Einhart: It's terrible Vivio-Man!
Vivio: I'm a girl.
Einhart:Whatever. The mayor's been kidnapped and the kidnapper left us this video tape!
Vivio:Play the tape and see what the kidnappers want!
(They insert the tape into a VCR and play the tape)
Einhart: Holy old technology that no one uses anymore Vivio Man-
Vivio: I'm a girl.
Einhart: Whatever. It's The Ferret!
(Camera changes to focus on a TV screen playing the tape. Yuno is on the screen, wearing a suit complete with a top hat, monocle and an umbrella. He's also really fat for some reason and is surrounded by henchmen dressed like ferrets)
Yuno: Greetings, Vivio-man!
Vivio: I'm a girl.
Yuno: Whatever. I have kidnapped the Mayor of Mid-Childa City and I'm holding him captive in my Ferret Den of Evil! Soon I will brainwash him to become my slave, allowing me control of the entire city! Mwa ha ha ha ha!
(Video ends)
Einhart: Holy plot-device Vivio Ma-
(Vivio stares at Einhart. There is an awkward silence for several seconds)
Einhart: Vivio...Woman?
Vivio: Damn straight, carry on
Einhart: Holy plot-device Vivio Woman, we need to save the Mayor!
Vivio: Quick, to the Vivio-Mobile!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(At the Ferret Den of Evil)
Vivio: Stop, evil-doer! We're to kick your ass and rescue the princess!
Einhart: Mayor.
Vivio: Right, Mayor, WHATEVER!
Yuno: It's too late Vivio Man!
Vivio: I'm a girl.
Yuno: Okay, fine. Look, bottom line is that my mind control device has been completed and I'm ready to make the Mayor my puppet!
(Yuno points his umbrella at the girls)
Yuno: This is the end of the line for you two, I'll be using you as test subjects for my mind-control device!
Einhart: Bring it on!
Vivio: What she said!
Yuno: HERE I GO!
(Yuno shakes his umbrella a bit while pointing it at our heroes)
Yuno: Go away!
Vivio: ... Um, no?
Yuno: Curses! I'll have to turn it up!
(Yuno rapidly opens and closes his umbrella, absolutely nothing happens)
Yuno: Take that! Now bugger off and leave me alone!
Vivio: Yeah, I'm just gonna kick your ass and get this over with.
Yuno: You give me no choice but to set my device to full power!
(Yuno opens the umbrella and waves it above his head)
Vivio: Okay, this is getting stupid
Umbrella: Stand-by ready. Set-up.
Vivio: Eh?
(Bits of the umbrella fall off, revealing Raising Heart)
Einhart: Holy crap Vivio Man, we're screwed!
Vivio: I'm a girl dammit!
Einhart: WHATEVER!
Yuno: Now let me show you how the mind-control works!
(He points RH in their general direction)
Yuno: Do what I say or eat SLB.
Einhart: Sure, okay.
Vivio: What she said.
Yuno: Now nothing can stop me! Mwa ha ha ha ha!
Vivio: You fiend! What are you planning to do once your mind control the Mayor?!
Yuno: Isn't it obvious? I'm going to turn the entire city into a YUNO/NANOHA FANFIC FACTORY! MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!
Einhart: Holy shit!
Vivio: You monster!
???: Hold it right there!
(Some-one jumps through a window, sending shattered glass shards flying everywhere)
(Fate strikes a pose while wearing a Sailor Moon outfit. Vivio, Einhart and Yuno are completely dumbfounded)
???: Likewise, Sailor Nanoha!
(Nanoha crashes through another window, landing next to Fate and posing with her)
Yuno: Stop that! Do you know how much this place cost me!?
???: Likewise, Sailor Hayate!
Yuno: God damn it, I'm not paying for that!
(Yuno tunnels out of the rubble, only to find that Vivio and Einhart are taking pictures of the Sailors while they continue posing. He's been completely forgotten in the span of 15 seconds)
Yuno: It's not over yet, I still have the Mayor as hostage!
(Yuno pulls Reinforce Zwei out of his pocket, who is ignoring everything and painting her nails. He points the tip of RH straight at Reinforce, who doesn't notice and is taking off her shoes to paint her toes)
Yuno: Now I'll mind control the Mayor and-
Hayate: Yeaaaaaaaah no you don't
(Hayate yanks RH from Yuno and just as quickly rescues Reinforce as well)
Yuno: NOOO! How could I be defeated?!
Hayate: Dude, you're pretty useless...
Nanoha: Ohhhhh Fate, you were soooooooooooo brave
Fate: Oh really? How about you and I go find a place to... wrestle? (said while wriggling eyebrows suggestively)
And so in the end Reinforce was rescued and Yuno's evil plot was stopped.
Hayate took Reinforce back home, where they painted each others' nails matching colours.
Nanoha and Fate had a hot, steamy wrestling session which I can't go into details about.
Yuno was arrested and sentenced to spend his life locked up in a giant hamster cage, including 3 compulsory hours of running on the hamster wheel.
Vivio and Einhart wasted half an hour of their time with the whole thing so they took a vacation in Hawaii.
Well, not really Hawaii. They just played in a sand box and used their imaginations.
Alfred the butler never appeared at all. Poor Alfred, he's all left out.
Cardboard box is here!
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
The following is based on a true story. Everything that happens is one hundred percent, real life fiction. Names have not been changed to unprotect people's identities.
But that's not here or there, let's move on to the next dosage of crack.
"-and that's when I said 'Strikers? I barely know her!'" Hayate retold her story with a mischievous grin on her face while Nanoha laughed until she cried.
Our story is set some-time after A's but while the cast are still little kids (simply because that's the form I'm most used to seeing them in.) Nanoha and Fate are meeting at Hayate's house to chat. Or at least, Nanoha is...
"Oh wow Hayate, you just HAVE to tell Fate that story" smiled Nanoha as she wiped the tears from her eyes. "It was simply too funny"
"Yeah, where is Fate anyway?" asked Hayate while glancing at a nearby clock. "Is she usually this late?"
"Oh yeah, you wouldn't believe it but Fate is actually horrible at keeping time. She should be here soon though" answered Nanoha.
Hayate hummed thoughtfully at this news. As she did so she tilted her neck slightly so that she was looking at the ceiling. That was when shit hit the fan.
Hayate suddenly screamed, causing Nanoha to jump.
"Huh?! Hayate, what's wrong?"
"FWAVDFBDSVG#$T345>G>" screamed Hayate, throwing an insane amount of gibberish at Nanoha's face. Don't ask me how you even pronounce that, I'm assuming that part of Hayate's powers are that she can speaks fluent crazy talk.
"Huh? What?! Hayate, slow down! I can't understand what your saying!" pleaded Nanoha. Hayate's answer was to scream more nonsense while pointing at the ceiling. That's when Nanoha looked up. This marked the point where not only did shit hit the fan, but the toilet too.
"OH DEAR GOD SPIDER!!" shrieked Nanoha as she started wildly flailing her arms around while falling over backwards. The sheer force of her arm movements actually propelled her back towards a standing position however.
The spider, as if it was on a mission from the devil himself, started to slowly descend upon the two panicking girls on a line of spider-web. They started screaming harder at this.
I should also point out that this is not just some ordinary house spider. Calling it a tarantula might be closer to the truth. Of course, that would be a bit of a understatement.
Dude, the thing was freaking huge. Chuck Norris would piss his pants if he saw this thing.
Hayate screamed more gibberish as if she was trying to banish the spider with words (considering that she can use magic, it might have worked). Meanwhile Nanoha was teetering dangerously in every direction while frothing at the mouth as if she had rabies, the force of her arm flailing the only thing keeping her up-right.
Maybe the words spewing out of Hayate's mouth actually did something because as if by magic the madness suddenly stopped.
"H-huh? Where did the spider go?" Nanoha asked nervously as her eyes darted around looking for the monstrosity. Seeing no sign of the cat sized evil, Nanoha gave a sigh of relief.
"That was pretty close, huh Hayate?"
Hayate gave no response.
"Hayate? What's the oh my god" Nanoha stopped breathing. Hayate was going slightly blue as if she stopped breathing a while ago. The spider, during the confusion, had somehow attached itself right on top of Hayate's face like some kind of Face-Hugger about to lay it's eggs in her. Only much scarier.
Hayate, with the slow and steady deliberateness of a ninja sneaking downstairs for a midnight snack, very carefully used magic to trace a message to Nanoha in the air:
Nanoha ran away.
Hayate's response was an enthusiastic and very passionate flipping of the bird. (Or giving her the finger, whatever you want to call it...)
All hope was not lost for the wheel-chair bound girl as Nanoha soon returned with one of the most trustiest spider squishing weapons around: a broom stick.
"Okay Hayate, here's the plan" Nanoha called out. "It's kinda complicated so listen carefully. On the count of 3, I'm going to hit the spider off your face with the broom and then we both run away"
Hayate wanted to know how that was supposed to be complicated but didn't say anything in case she breathed in spider (or was suddenly orally impregnated)
"Here we go Hayate: One... two..."
Hayate braced herself for impact
Nanoha swung the broom with all her might.
And missed.
Well, not really. She missed the spider but she ended up smashing Hayate's skull in. At least she hit something, right?
"GAH! I think I lost a tooth!" screamed Hayate as she clutched her head. "What the hell girl?!"
"Hayate, I am so sorry!" apologised Nanoha. "Hey wait, where's the spider?"
At that moment, Hayate's chest began to squirm.
"OH MAH GOD HAYATE'S BEEN INFECTED BY T3H EVIL!" was Nanoha's response as she readied the broom for another hit.
"GAH IT'S IN MY CLOTHES! Take them off!" Hayate ordered as she began to struggle to take her shirt off. The two of them pulled off Hayate's top and threw it to the ground where Nanoha bashed the clothing with her broom and then stomped on it for good measure.
There was silence.
"...Is it over?" asked Hayate slowly as the adrenaline wore down.
"Yeah, I think I killed it" Nanoha, exhausted, sat down on the floor and gave a sigh of relief. "That was something else huh, Hayate?" chuckled Nanoha nervously.
"Nanoha..." said Hayate flatly. "I feel something tickling me inside my skirt"
Nanoha, from her position on the floor, slowly tilted her head so she could look up her friend's skirt. "Do you think..."
"Please check before I piss myself"
Nanoha steeled her nerves and then lifted Hayate's skirt slightly. "I don't see anything..." was Nanoha's report, peering into her skirt.
The stress proved to much for Hayate to handle. She suddenly grabbed Nanoha's head and thrust it into her skirt.
"I WANT YOU TO LOOK CLOSER" raged Hayate, amidst screaming like a lunatic. "LOOK REALLY, REALLY CLOSE! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOOOOOOD!"
You know how sometimes, it feels like the universe decides to make you it's bitch boy for the day and completely ruins your life? That in three, two, one...
"Hey guys, sorry I'm late!" Fate called out as she entered the room and the story. "I know I'm really late but I brought some... snacks..."
Fate has just walked into the following situation: Hayate is for some reason topless. Nanoha's head is inside Hayate's skirt, while Hayate screams repeatedly. And finally, as if to add the icing on the screw-you cake, there is a broom in the room for no discernible reason as well.
Fate got the wrong idea in her head.
"NANOHA WITH HAYATE?! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! NANOHA YOU JERK!" screamed Fate as she ran outside, crying.
"No, I don't think the spider's there" Nanoha answered from in Hayate's skirt, not even hearing Fate due to Hayate's much more louder voice.
Hayate finally seemed to calm down at this news. "Oh thank god!" She exclaimed, she was so relieved that she was crying.
Which is when Vita dropped in, because the universe doesn't let you go that easily.
"Hey Hayate, are Nanoha and Fate here yet? I want to WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE!? Why is Hayate crying? Why isn't she wearing a shirt? Why is Nanoha's head inside Hayate's skirt? Why is there a broom here? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HAYATE?!"
Cue explosions.
Cardboard box is here!
Kasirganin Forveti's picture
Joined: 08/25/2010
Posts: 102
... oh god, ewww. What is wrong with you? I think I won't be able to sleep anymore... [shudders] ohgodohgodohgod! Eeeeewwww...
Something completly else: Fate, calm down. Look forward to the hot yuri threesome!
Juno's picture
Joined: 12/29/2010
Posts: 658
You kidding? This line/fic is pure win. XD
Question, what kind of spider was it? O.o'
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
Vivio Man 4:
The one which introduces the overarching plot line.
Last time on Vivio Man, Precia and Yuno took over an abandoned KFC and gave Vivio a truck load of candy, causing Vivio to become hyperactive and annoy her parents.
[Mid-Childa Prison]
Yuno: Well, THAT went well
Precia: ...
Yuno: You said that your plan was guaranteed to work!
Precia: ... ...
Yuno: Purple girl, are you listening? Hey!
Precia: Hmm hmm hmm
Yuno: What?
Precia: Ah ha ha ha ha!
Yuno: Eh? What's this all of a sudden?!
Precia: AH HA HA HA HA HA!!
Yuno: Oh crap she's lost it! Guards! GUARDS! GUA-ARRRRRGH!!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Vivio Cave)
Vivio: I'm thinking of a number between 1 and infinity
Einhart: I'm not playing this game with you
Vivio: Oh come on, I'm so bored!
Einhart: Then go out and fight evil and crime or something!
Vivio: But nothing bad's happening.
Einhart: Then go fight poverty and world hunger
Vivio: Nah, I'll see what's on TV instead.
TV: (news jingle) Welcome back to incredibly strange coincidence news, bringing you up to date news when the plot calls for it. Last night in the Mid-Childa City prison two prisoners were Hiza wo kakaete heya no katasumi itsumo fuande furueteta-
Einhart: Whoa, wait, what?! Did you change the channel? Go back to the news!
Vivio: Eh, news is boring. I'll just watch the original series of Nanoha instead.
Einhart: ...You mean Lyrical Toy Box?
Vivio: Don't make me come and smack you
Einhart: Yes ma'am
TV: We interrupt your awesome program for this unimportant news update
TV: Two captive pandas at the zoo did a little dance. That is all.
Vivio: Dammit, I better not have missed anything important...
TV: Make a little wish koron dari mayottari suru keredoanata ga ite kureru kara watashi ha egao de imasu genki desu-
[Vivio picks up the TV and hurls it across the room]
Vivio: Bullshit, the show's already over!
Einhart: That was quick... Also, I'm not paying for that.
Vivio: I will have my vengeance! Quick, to the Vivio Mobile!
Einhart: Um, I'd rather not to be honest...
Vivio: I see, does someone need another dose of the PIMPING HAND?!
Einhart: No ma'am, I'll be good!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
[TV station thingy]
[Vivio drives through the main entrance, smashing through the door and sending people panicking. Debris from the door fly and hit some people, knocking them out. Fires start up spontaneously and the whole building is suddenly burning. The fire alarm goes off and the sprinkler system does as good a job at putting the fires out as a puppy drooling over the sun would. The structure of the building is compromised and badly damaged, causing it to begin to fall down. Rubble falls on top of people causing massive injuries and loss of life. People evacuate while screaming, some of them badly hurt. The fire department arrives and they try to put out the fire. They can't as the blaze is too strong. As the fires burn, Vivio calmly walks out of the building with Einhart following sheepishly and pretending she wasn't involved with the whole mess at all.]
Vivio: Sorry about that, I couldn't find a good place to park.
Einhart: You moron...
Reinforce: Oh crap, the fire hoses aren't working! Someone get me a flamethrower, I'm going to fight fire with fire!
Einhart: I don't think it works like that... By the way, your a fireman too?
Reinforce: I'm everything. What the hell did you two do?!
Vivio: I dunno, I was just looking for a place to park.
[Some random nobody-important-just-some-extra-kinda-person runs up to Reinforce Zwei and hands her a flamethrower. S/he will never be seen again in this show but will brag about it to all of his/her friends/cats.]
Reinforce: Thanks, now it's time to put this fire out!
Einhart: I'm telling you it won't-
Vivio: Shush, I want to see this.
[Reinforce fires the flamethrower at the burning building. The fire catches on fire and burns away]
Einhart: Bullshit. I refuse to believe it.
[The fires that burned down the fires are now burning down the building again.
Reinforce sprays fire on the fire that burnt down the fire, causing the fire burning fire to catch on fire and start burning. She then sprays THAT fire burning fire that's burning the original fire burning fire with another stream of fire burning fire that burns the fire that's burning the fire that burnt the first fire that was burning the building]
Vivio: ...Can you explain that again?
Einhart: She's using fire to fight fire fighting fire that's fighting fire after it fought some fire to fight some fire because she's a firefighter who fights fires...
Vivio: Um-
Einhart: With fire.
Vivio: OHHH, now I get it!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Mid-Childa Prison)
Vivio: EH?! Why are we being arrested?
Einhart: I didn't even do anything!
Reinforce: Too bad, we can't let that whole 'burning down the TV station with a tricycle' incident go.
Vivio: Fine then, lock us up you midget!
Einhart: Oh, here we go...
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Outside the remains of the TV station)
???: Everything is going just as planned... With those two out of the way, there is nothing to stop me from my re-assimilation plot!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Mid-Childa Prison)
[Precia has a twisted, evil, diabolical grin on her face. Yuno is cowering under a pile of hay and has dragged the giant hamster wheel around to make it a barrier between them.]
Precia: Well now, isn't THIS interesting?
[Vivio and Einhart are locked in the same cell/hamster cage as Precia and Yuno. They are shitting their pants in fear]
Vivio: Move over Ferret, let us in too!
Yuno: Hell no, you smell like poo!
Einhart: This is all your fault for calling Reinforce a midget!
Precia: (still smiling)
Vivio: Hey, you aren't angry at us right?
Precia: (still smiling)
Einhart: We didn't even do anything last time, remember?
Precia: (still smiling)
Vivio: Oh hell, your going to make us your prison bitches aren't you?
Yuno: Sorry, positions taken
Einhart: What?
Yuno: Nothing...
[Precia pulls out the last thing anyone wants to see in a prison cell. It's not a shiv, its a...]
Vivio: Oh dear god it's a bar of soap...
Einhart: We are so screwed...
Precia: No, at least not YET anyway (smiling)
What is Precia planning?
Who is the mysterious person and what is the re-assimilation plan?
How is this supposed to end? (I honestly haven't figured that out yet)
Will that one guy impress his friends/cats/parents?
No, s/he won't. They'll just pretend like they care though.
@ Kasirganin: In my world, people die permanently. While saying that, due to my world being as sensible as silly string in a bouncy castle that's attached to a pick-up truck with crap suspension going over some rough terrain... What was my point again?
Oh yeah, people permanently die unless it's not permanent. Which gives me ideas...
Also, face huggers are icky
Cardboard box is here!
Kasirganin Forveti's picture
Joined: 08/25/2010
Posts: 102
No, people don't die permanently, they die, revive and then they go buy cigarettes. Strangely they always lose their way home, which is the reason why some never return... yeah, that must be the explanation.
O_O Totally forgot my actual reason to comment.
PLOT!? You dare to introduce a plot? NOES! The world will end if some wannabe villain tries to use your fail-heroines for their evil, illogical and megalomaniac schemes! Quick, get Sailor Fate and Nanoha!
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
@Kasirganin: Sorryz, but I've already written up some stuff in advance XD But don't worry, it's not an especially deep plot or anything!
Also, people only reveal they're not dead when it's awesome for them to do so, it's a conspiracy!
Vivio Man 4 part 2!
The part where the plot starts to come together
Last time, our heroes were arrested for arson and are probably screwed.
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Mid-Childa Prison)
Precia: -and that's how we make a soap shiv
Vivio: Wow!
(Precia has carved a shiv out of a bar of soap and is showing it to Precia and Einhart. Yuno has fallen asleep under the hay he's been hiding under)
Reinforce: Hey, you got visitors!
(Reinforce Zwei leads Nanoha and Fate towards the cell. Nanoha bursts forward all teary eyed and stuff)
Nanoha: Oh my poor baby, how could you be arrested?!
Einhart: How could she NOT?
Vivio: Um, there there? (awkwardly trying to comfort Nanoha)
(Fate and Precia stare each other down)
Fate: Precia...!
Precia: Fate...!
Fate: Precia!
Precia: Fate!
Fate: PRECIA!!
Precia: FATE!!
Precia: GRRRR!
(The two lunge at each other and begin arm-wrestling through the cage bars. However, they're doing it in mid-air making it really hard to actually win, let alone play properly)
(Fate starts windmilling her free arm around while Precia does wild pelvic thrusts as they arm wrestle and scream at each other. In the background Nanoha is crying hysterically while Vivio reaches through the bars and uncomfortably pats her on the back. Einhart is giving the hamster wheel an experimental spin while desperately attempting to ignore everything around her while Reinforce Zwei paints her nails.
Zafira is also probably taking a dump in their Nanoha's flower garden while this is happening as well. Bad dog. Baaaaaad dog.)
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Hayate is checking her mail while feeling Shamal up, making her the last of the Wolkenritter to appear yet the only one to not say anything as I haven't forgiven her for the trauma she put me through in the PSP game yet)
Hayate: Let's see... Sweepstake junk mail, pen15 size junk mail, bills, more bills, some other guy's mail... (flips through some more paper) Oh, this looks interesting!
(Hayate uses her free hand to give a letter to Shamal who dutifully opens it while Hayate gets some two handed action going on. After she opens it, Shamal hands the opened letter back to Hayate. Hayate holds the letter in one hand while molesting Shamal with the other.)
Hayate: Huh, it's a threatening letter. Oh well, I'm sure that it's nothing important to the plot or anything like that
???: On the contrary, it's the only thing that can move the plot forward at this stage
Hayate: Huh?! But you're...!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
Fate: Your going DOWN purple bitch!
Precia: Oh yeah, let's see you take this!
(Precia whips Fate with her free hand as they continue to arm wrestle. Fate responds by repeatedly punching Precia)
Vivio: There there...
Einhart: So if I spin the wheel like this then
Yuno: Zzzzz
Reinforce: I wonder if I should paint my toes next?
(Hayate bursts in)
Hayate: Guys, we have trouble! ...What's going on here?
Reinforce:: Not a clue
Einhart: Don't think about it too much, you'll hurt yourself
Hayate: Anyway, my magic book thingy was stolen!
Reinforce: You mean the Book of Darkness/Tome of the Night Sky thingy?
Hayate: Yeah, that!
Precia: HAH I WIN!
Fate: Bullshit, you used both hands! REMATCH!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Outside Hayate's house. A storm is brewing and seems to be centered on her house as well. Cue thunder and lightning in the background.)
(Hayate, Nanoha and Fate rush onto the scene. Reinforce Zwei is leading Vivio and Einhart, who are handcuffed in the understanding that if the situation goes badly then Reinforce will let the two go free and leave them to fight while the rest run away. There is someone on Hayate's roof)
???: So you have finally come...
Hayate: Gimme my book back!
???: The book of Darkness? I think not
Fate: Wait, you're...!
???: That is correct, I am-
(The mystery person jumps down from Hayate's roof. It's Fake Einhart.)
Nanoha: Oh my god, it's Einhart!
(Nanoha rushes over to the hand-cuffed Einhart and punches her in the face)
Einhart: GAH! What the hell?!
Fake Einhart: No, it's me remember? At the end of Vivio Man 3?
Nanoha: Oh yeah, the Decepticon! Take this, robot!
(Punches Einhart again)
Einhart: Dammit, she's over THERE! (points at Fake Einhart)
Fake Einhart: As amusing as this is, I need to prepare for the assimilation...
(Something bursts out of Hayate's house. It's the Sort-of Polar Bear/Koala/Panda/Squirrel thing from Antarctica.)
Sort-of Polar Bear/Koala/Panda/Squirrel thing: KURIIIIN!
Hayate: Ew, what is this thing?
Fate: Who cares, kill it!
Nanoha: Okay, I'll just... huh? Where's Raising Heart?!
Fate: ...Did you ever get it back off Precia who stole it from you back in Vivio Man 2?
Nanoha: Dammit...
Fate: How could you forget?!
Fake Einhart: Behold, my true form!
(Fake Einhart makes more Transformer sounds as she transforms. She is revealed to be...)
Hayate: Oh my god, can it be?!...
Nanoha: Impossible, it's impossible!
Fate: We killed you! Your dead and we killed you!
???: Unfortunately, I'm back to initiate the re-assimilation sequence and destroy you all...
(Fade to black)
Who is the mysterious newcomer?
What the hell is the sort-of Polar Bear/Koala/Panda/Squirrel thing supposed to be?
What are they doing and what are they plotting?
Will Yuno ever wake up?
Will Precia and Fate ever have a rematch?
Without Raising Heart (and by extension Nanoha) there to help, what will happen to our heroes?
Find out next time in the stunning finale of Vivio Man 4!
Cardboard box is here!
Kasirganin Forveti's picture
Joined: 08/25/2010
Posts: 102
And most importantly: Will Vivio Man and Einhart the Boy Wonder ever do something useful? ...unlikely! But there is still hope... somewhere. Maybe? No? No, probably not.
Nanoha: We still love you, Vivio, despite your obvious dumbness and I'm quite worried about your war games... and those onomatopoeia... [pats Vivio on the head]
Vivio: Not helping, mum.
Fate: Maybe we should have her tested? Or it might just be a phase.
Vivio: ... I'm going to blow your car up!
Fate: With what? Your plastic tank? Oh, I'm scared now! Buhu~NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—!!
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
Vivio Man 4: Last part
At 3 parts, probably one of the most longest Vivio Man stories to date!
Reinforce Zwei: Oh hey, I look cool all grown up
Reinforce Eins: It is I, the original Reinforce!
Fate: How is that possible, we destroyed you to get rid of the corrupted defense program in the Book of Darkness!
Reinforce Eins: Unfortunantely for you; shooting, bombing, stabbing, freezing, throwing and black-hole dimensional nuking the defense core wasn't enough to kill it. So here we are.
Hayate: ...we?
Reinforce Eins: Oh, this thing here is the defense program
Sort of Polar Bear/Koala/Panda/squirrel thing that's actually the Book of Darkness' defense program: Yo
Nanoha: Oh, it THAT what that thing is? I thought it was a badger!
Fate: Really? I was thinking somewhere along the lines of wombat...
Hayate: What about a pigeon?
Nanoha and Fate: Oh yeah!
[Reinforce fires a blast of magic that sends the three flying]
Eins: Enough of this! I will now begin to reinstall both the defense program and myself into the Book of Darkness, making it the most broken Macguffin item in the universe once more!
Einhart: I'm pretty sure it's more like an Artifact of Doom...
Nanoha: Quick Fate, you have to stop her!
Fate: Wait, why me!?
Nanoha: Because Hayate and I don't have our magic devicey things anymore so it's all up to you!
Fate: Well shit
[Fate walks up to Reinforce and brandishes Bardiche]
Fate: So yeah, stop and don't make me kick your ass and stuff
Eins: You don't sound very convincing
Fate: Yeah...
Eins: Anyway, see this? (points at the defense program) That thing that took like, 10 of you to defeat AND some sort of giant warship thing to defeat? Remember that? You think you by yourself can win? No, you can't. You are SCREWED!
Fate: ...Well, that makes sense. I give up (puts hands in air)
Nanoha: What the hell are you doing Fate?!
Fate: It's kinda hard to fight that logic you know...
Nanoha: If you don't even try, I'll never wrestle with you again!
[Fate turns into the Hulk in the span of 2 seconds and stomps over to Reinforce. Fate-Hulk rampages the whole way there, flipping cars and throwing around trees and such. She's actually causing more damage to Hayate's property than Reinforce Eins would have done. Reinforce jumps on top of the defense program and is now riding it like a horse. She does that thing where you kinda kick the horse in the sides and the defense program charges at Fate-Hulk.
Fate-Hulk harmlessly bounces off the multiple shields that surround the defense program and not so harmlessly crashes into Hayate's house]
Fate: I tried!
Nanoha: ...Good for you
Hayate: MY HOUSE!
Zwei: Oh god we are so screwed...
Eins: And now I will complete the Book of Darkness, no one can stop me!
Nanoha: What will happen when the book is completed?
Eins: Hayate will probably become a cripple again for starters...
Hayate: Nooo! I LIKE being able to walk! I don't wanna be a cripple again! (Hayate is screaming and kicking on the floor, having a tantrum) Nooo! NOOOO!
Nanoha: Hayate, calm down!
Hayate: I can't even reach up and grab boobies from a wheelchair! I don't wanna be a cripple! WAAAAAH!
[Reinforce is standing around looking slightly disinterested, wondering if she should do something or wait until Hayate stops crying. She starts painting her nails. Apparently it runs in the family.]
Vivio: There's no choice, it's up to us now!
Einhart: US?! But we're useless! What can we do?
Vivio: Trust me, I have a plan! Here's how it goes: Reinforce Zwei will let us go-
Zwei: And you bolt and leave us to die? No
Vivio: ...Okay, never mind
[Vivio Hmm's and Hah's as she thinks up a plan. Zwei has wandered off to Eins and they're comparing their nails. Hayate is still having a tantrum. Nanoha has given up on Hayate and is helping Fate out of the rubble of Hayate's house. Fate is helping herself to the contents of Hayate's fridge and Nanoha is helping Fate help herself to Hayate's fridge while she's helping Fate out of the rubble.]
Vivio: I got it! Zwei let's us go-
Zwei: No
Vivio: No wait! You let us go and then go take Nanoha back to the prison cells and get Raising Heart back from Precia. While this is happening Einhart and I will go and get some weapons from the Vivio Cave. Meanwhile Hayate and Fate will have to distract Reinforce while we prepare.
Zwei: Might as well try it while I wait for my nails to dry.
[Zwei unlocks the cuffs holding Vivio and Einhart and then she and Nanoha head towards Mid-Childa prison]
Vivio: Quick, to the Vivio Mobile!
(Mid-Childa prison)
Nanoha: Precia, gimme back...huh?
[The cage door is open and Precia has escaped. Yuno is inside and is still sleeping]
Zwei: Damn! How did she escape?
Nanoha: I don't know, but we have to find her!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Vivio Cave)
Einhart: Okay, what are we looking for?
Vivio: Just grab everything and shove it into the Vivio Bag!
Einhart: The what?
Vivio: My schoolbag in the corner over there!
Einhart: Oh, right.
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Hayate's house)
Hayate: Could you complete the Book of Darkness and NOT cripple me?
Eins: Probably not
Hayate: Oh come on!
Fate: Jeez, you're such a jerk.
Eins: Whatever, I think I'll start the re-assimilation process now.
Fate: Oh crap, do something!
[Hayate's instincts take over and she grabs Reinforce Eins. Years of training and experience means Hayate does what she was born to do...)
Eins: What the hell is wrong with you? LET GO OF MY BOOBS!
Hayate: NEVER!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Outskirts of Mid-Childa)
Zwei: Stop right there Precia!
Nanoha: Give me back Raising Heart!
Precia: Damn, how did you find me?
Zwei: We Googled it!
Precia: Oh yeah, well if you want it so much... TAKE IT!
(Precia reaches into her pocket and throws RH straight at Nanoha's face.)
Nanoha: GAH! My nose!
(Precia uses this as a distraction and escapes)
Zwei: She got away...
Nanoha: At least we got RH back, let's go back and stop Reinforce Eins!
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Vivio Cave)
Einhart: What, you really meant EVERYTHING?!
Vivio: Yeah, now help me fit the kitchen sink into the Vivio Bag
Einhart: Look, the bag's full. Let's just go now
Vivio: Fine, but if we need it later it's YOUR FAULT we don't have it
(Weird swirly screen thing again)
(Hayate's house)
Hayate: Heh heh heh, it's too bad that you had to go before I could do this but now I'm going to make up for all the lost time!
Eins: Get your hand out from under my skirt!
Hayate: Never! This is my DESTINY!
(Fate is watching Hayate molest Reinforce Eins while eating pop corn she stole from the remains of Hayate's house. She's also humming 70's porn music to herself as Hayate successfully 'distracts' Eins from fixing the Book of Darkness)
Zwei: We're back!
Nanoha: It's Star Light Breaker time! Hayate, let go of Eins so I can shoot!
Hayate: What if I don't want to?
Nanoha: What?! You have to, I can't SLB Eins without hitting you if your so close to her!
Hayate: Listen here, ANYONE would choose to die while groping Reinforce if they could get away with it!
Fate: Not really, they'd choose to grope her and then live to grope another day...
(The Vivio Mobile suddenly bursts onto the scene and crashes into Hayate's house. It bursts into fire, which catches on fire causing more fire to catch on fire and blah blah blah you see where this is going. Fate pulls out some asbestos free marshmallows back from the second story posted here and is roasting them over the fire)
Vivio: Sorry about that! You don't mind if I park there, do you?
Hayate: Help yourself, I got all that I need riiiight here (snuggles Eins breasts)
Nanoha: Perfect timing, maybe you can hit Eins without hitting Hayate!
Einhart: Sure, we'll try
[Vivio unloads the Vivio Bag and opens it up. She pulls out a bunch of colouring pencils held together with a rubber band)
Vivio: Take this!
[She throws the pencils at Eins but hits Hayate instead.]
Vivio: Sorry about that, I'll hit her next time!
Hayate: No worries, I have boobs!
Eins: No, they're MY boobs!
[Einhart pulls out a slingshot and some rocks. She stares at the two and then comes up with the logical conclusion to throw the slingshot at Reinforce.
At least she hit her...]
Eins: Ow, damn! What the hell?!
Einhart: I'm here to stop you from doing stuff!
Eins: Look at me, I'm not doing anything! I'm actually being victimised over here!
Hayate: It's so squishy!
Einhart: ...Okay, now I'm confused
Vivio: Don't think, throw!
[Vivio picks up a bowling ball and tries to throw it. It's too heavy for her so she messes up the throw and hits Hayate instead. She's knocked unconscious and lets go of Eins womanly parts]
Vivio: Well shit
Einhart: Hurry Nanoha! You have to use a SLB now before CAN YOU TWO STOP WRESTLING FOR EVEN FIVE MINUTES?!
Nanoha: Nope!
Fate: No can do!
Einhart: Crap, we're screwed
Vivio: It's not over yet, throw more stuff!
Einhart: Throwing stuff got us into this mess in the first place!
[Vivio pulls out a full scale model of the Titanic and hurls it at Eins. She somehow completely misses dispute the fact that all you have to do is nudge it in her general direction to hit her. The Titanic model sails all the way over to the North Pole where it hits an iceberg and sinks. The iceberg breaks apart to reveal Santa's present workshop being run by malnourished elf children. Not that it has any impact on the story]
Einhart: Fine, I'll throw!
[She pulls out one of those glass ball things with the plasma inside. You know, that ball thing with the lightning inside and when you touch it the lightning goes towards your fingers? Yeah, one of those things. Anyway, she throws it at Reinforce Eins]
Eins: Two can play this game!
(She throws it back)
(Cue Legend of Zelda style tennis match/final boss battle against Gannondorf.)
Einhart: Throwing things isn't working, think of something else! (catches ball thing and chucks it back to Eins)
Vivio: I got it, I'll throw-
Einhart: NO THROWING! (Ein's throws it back to Einhart who catches it)
Vivio: Aw, come on! No wait, I got it!
[Vivio starts rummaging through the Vivio Bag]
Einhart: Remember I said no throwing!
Vivio: Yeah yeah, I know... AHA!
(She pulls out her toy plane and Einhart's toy tank)
Vivio: I'll win using the power of IMAGINATION!
[Vivio holds out the toys in front of her and closes her eyes]
Vivio (to herself): Be the plane...Be the tank...Be the plane...Be the tank...BE the plane...BE the tank... BE THE PLANE! BE THE TANK!... I GOT IT!
Einhart: What, a real plan?
Vivio: No, I have achieved Nirvana, I am now Buddha!
[Einhart throws the ball thing at Vivio, catches it off the rebound and throws it back to Eins]
Einhart: FOCUS!
Vivio: Fine!
[Vivio waves around the plane]
Vivio: Heiriparatzu-Heiriparatzu-Heiriparatzu-Heiriparatzu...
Einhart: Oh jeez, this again?
Vivio: Heiriparatzu-Heiriparatzu-Heiriparatzu-Heiriparatzu...
Defense program: Heiriparatzu-Heiriparatzu-Heiriparatzu-Heiriparatzu...
Eins: Eh?
Vivio: Biko Biko Biko Wonk
Defense Program: Rabu Rabu Shoop bong slank
Vivio: Bushu bushu bushu ZWING!
Defense Program: KABONG!
[The Denfense program starts swaying around as if drunk. Reinforce, who is riding on it, is losing her balance]
Eins: What the hell is wrong with this thing?!
Einhart: Holy shit Vivio Man-
Vivio: I'm a girl
Einhart: Now is not the time to bring back old jokes! But seriously, your retardation is working!
Vivio: Yeah I... Wait, I'm not retarded! I'm just special!
Einhart: Yes, I'm sure you are.
[Vivio waves the plane around faster above her head while she wiggles the tank around]
Vivio: Bako bako BWOOSH!
Defense Program: Myu myu Myop!
Vivio: Shu shu kazuu!
Defense Program: PRINGLES CHIPS!
Vivio: What?
[The Defense Program rears up and throws Reinforce off, making her fall out of the area covered by the program's shields. Einhart uses this to her advantage and hit's Eins square in the head, knocking her out]
Vivio: I know right?! This is the best day EVER!
Einhart: Dude, we are awesome! We are so FREAKING AWESOME!
Vivio: We should have a party back in the Vivio Cave! This is the first time we were actually helpful and needed!
Zwei: Oh shit, you guys aren't totally useless after all, good job!
Einhart: OH SHIT! The defense program ate Zwei, we completely forgot about it!
Vivio: God DAMN it! I should have known it was too good to be true!
Zwei (from inside the Defense Program): I take it back, you guys ARE useless! You guys suck!
Vivio: You f##king bastard, don't you dare ruin our win! SPIT HER OUT! SPIT HER PUT NOW! NOOOOOW!
[Vivio and Einhart are staring the program right in it's eyes and literally spitting with rage. The program is crying and pissing itself with fear]
[Vivio holds out her hand]
Vivio: Right here! Spit her out right here!
[The defense program spits out Reinforce Zwei and then cowers in the corner, crying]
Zwei: ...Holy shit, you're not allowed to be around Teana any more.
Vivio: YES! We saved the day again!
[Hayate comes to]
Hayate: Ugh, what happened?
Vivio: We saved the god damn day, THAT'S what happened!
Einhart: Aw yeah, AW YEAH!
Hayate: Um... good for you I guess?
Zwei: Seriously, you can stop that now. With all the crap that happens around here it's not that big a deal...
Vivio and Einhart: SHUT UP!
Zwei: Yes ma'am.
Hayate: Okay then, where's Eins?
Vivio: Hm?
Hayate: Come on, I'm not done molesting her yet. Where is is she?
Vivio: Oh, she's right over there by the oh shit...
[Reinforce Eins and the defense program are gone]
Vivio: ...It still counts, right? We still saved the day, right?
Hayate: Um...
Einhart: We beat the bad guys! We beat them all by ourselves! So did good, right?!
Hayate: I guess but...
Vivio: That's right counts right? So we still saved the day? We did good right? (Vivio is starting to cry)
Hayate: Oh god, please don't cry...
Einhart: We're heroes! We saved the day and beat the baddies! We're heroes! ...right? (also crying)
Hayate: ...
Hayate: I'm sorry girls...
Hayate got her book back and the Book of Darkness was never re-assimilated, thus mankind was saved once again.
However, with the escape of Reinforce Eins and the Defense Program there was no guarantee to this safety. The city of Mid-Childa is still in peril.
Will our heroes ever save the day?
Will they ever be useful?
I think we all know the answer.
With this story over and done with, please look forward towards the end of the Vivio Man series, Vivio Man: Final!
Coming to a theater near you
Cardboard box is here!
Kasirganin Forveti's picture
Joined: 08/25/2010
Posts: 102
Vivio pulls out a full scale model of the Titanic and hurls it at Eins. She somehow completely misses despite the fact that all you have to do is nudge it in her general direction to hit her.
Did she just throw the friggin' Titanic? Nevermind the fact that she managed to miss, but at least Vivio is quite strong. Hey, Nanoha and Fate could use her for all the lifting of heavy grocery bags. Or not, she'd probably manage to let them self-explode or something...
I don't give a sh*t about those malnourished elf children as long as I get my presents.
Useful heroes? Please, useful heroes are overrated. Heroes blow the city/planet/universe/kitten/whatever-to-be-saved up while fighting the villains. And when they win everybody loves them despite the fact that they just ruined everybody's life instead of having the mercy to just let them die. And this admiration proves their awesomeness, because they are so awesome that everybody just forgives them the new misery the heroes brought.
So give Vivio and Einhart some nukes and stuff, so they can save the goddamn day!
Does your onomatopoeia madness know no end? The linguistic horror! My brain will explode! ARGH!
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
@ Kasirganin:
I've always wondered about the level of destruction heroes do. If you the good guy punches a guy through a building and throws a car at him then it's okay but if the baddie steals a newspaper from someone's mailbox and hits someone with it then he's a MONSTER.
Also, as a model the Titanic Vivio threw was probably made out of plastic and hollow or something...
Hmm, actually... how does it even fit in a school bag?
@ Juno:
It's an evil spider. An EVIIIIIL spider. Even more evil than the Theridion grallator spider, which has a yellow smiley face on it and yes that is just f##ked up. It's even bigger than the Golden Silk Orb-Weaver spider which eats birds. It's so big that is Jurassic ancestor was the biggest spider ever. Maybe throw in the Goliath Bird Eating tarantula as well, which is the second biggest spider alive.
It's also more dangerous than the Brazilian Wandering Spider which is both the most aggressive and the most poisonous spider in the world.
If you combine the psychotic, leering grin of the Theridion grallator spider, the size of the bird-eating spiders and the lethality of the Brazilian then we get the EVIL spider.
We get a huge monstrosity that 'wanders' around actively looking for things to DESTROY while grinning at you like The Joker.
It's basically eight-legged evil. That's for some reason is also part face hugger. It breeds its eggs inside of you and after it's done r@ping your mouth it will smoke a cigarette while you cry and tell you to shut up.
Seriously, it's like someone tried to kill the devil by creating something that was more evil... but made it too evil. So evil that it could not be controlled, ate the researchers and their families before burrowing into hell and challenged the big man downstairs himself to a child eating contest and won.
And then ate him.
We're talking about a spider so evil that it treats the Saw movies like porn.
We're talking about a spider so evil that the only reason it hasn't been locked up and/or destroyed for the good of humanity is that no-one wants to get near the damn thing.
We're talking about a spider so evil that no-one knows what it even looks like. All they remember is the darkness, the hopelessness, the despair, the EVIL.
We're talking about a spider so evil that every time something awesome from Japan could be released in English and released outside Japan this spider will portal over from some dark dimension and stop it from happening.
We're talking about the kind of spider that plays as healers in MMORPG's just to piss off his party and let them down.
We're talking about a spider so evil that it's sheer evilness has exhausted my supply of things to compare its evilness too.
We are talking about EVILLL!
Also, it's right behind you ^_^
Cardboard box is here!
Kasirganin Forveti's picture
Joined: 08/25/2010
Posts: 102
... I really hate those people. Or those who pick up your monster drops...
If they continued to live after they were raped and eaten, probably...
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
The strangest thing happened to me recently...
I forgot that I'm the guy who writes these.
Yeah, I know that makes no sense but I was wondering why there wasn't a new story up when I realised that it was because I hadn't written one yet. In other words I was waiting for myself to post because I forgot I'm the guy who posts...
I realised when I was going through all of my iphone notes. I forget things easily, so lately I've been using my phone to make quick notes to myself which I then forget to look at T_T
Annnyway, as I was flicking through the, I found all of the story ideas I make up as I do whatever it is I do all day and then I remembered that I write crack.
Apparently, memory loss is a side effect of SLB fumes. Dangerous stuff.
Anyway, here's you crack fic. Enjoy:
(Set 3 days after that one story with the spider, you know what I mean. I guess I should label these or something...)
"Hey Nanoha, is Fate avoiding you or something?" Arisa stared Nanoha right in the eyes as she said this, trying to detect any signs of her lying.
"Mmph frthmp pthrmm phhm" was Nanoha's reply.
Arisa, without even blinking, wiped the food off her face.
"Don't talk with your mouth full please."
It was lunch time at whatever school Nanoha goes to and Arisa was both interrogating her friend and teaching her table manners at the same time.
There was a pause as Nanoha finished eating before she repeated her answer.
"I don't think so, why?"
Arisa stared at Nanoha's face with the focus of rock. (Who are very focused things you know, you ever seen a rock break her concentration? Exactly.)
Either Nanoha was a sociopath who lacked the basic moral conscious that defined everyone's sense of humanity and thus was a homicidal master liar or she was just an idiot.
Or maybe both.
Arisa tried to think up a way to explain her theory in a way that was both easy to understand and unlikely to get her murdered.
"Nanoha..." said Arisa slowly and carefully, the same way you would talk to little children who are 'Very Special.' "You remember how yesterday you said hi to Fate and she jumped out the window, screaming? Why do you think that is?"
Nanoha contemplated this for a while. Arisa was becoming more and more worried the longer she took and was wondering if she should leave this line of questioning to Dr. Suzuka and her miracle 'Crowbar Fixes Everything' cure.
Nanoha finally answered just as Arisa was about to call for Suzuka and her army of maids to drag Nanoha into an alley somewhere and literally beat some sense into her.
"I don't know" was Nanoha's flat out reply.
"...Crap, my phone's out of power"
(After lunch, in the middle of class.)
"Next, we take X in this equation and multiply it by Y to give us the capital city of Malaysia..." droned the teacher about something that actually made more sense than regular algebra did.
Fate was sweating buckets.
She could feel the walls closing in on her, she could FEEL it! Nanoha kept giving her this look like she was worried about something, Arisa was giving her this suspicious glare and why the hell did Suzuka bring a crowbar to school?!
"-Which is when Shakespeare gave his famous speech to his troops in World War Cake before the battle between the Nazis and the Yatzees over the right to win the hand of X=Y+4 in marriage..."
'Oh dear god' thought Fate. 'Not even the teacher's making sense anymore!' The truth was however that all Earth schools are essentially like this and Fate, being the foreigner that she is, was undergoing some serious culture shock.
That's when Fate started hearing voices in her head.
"Fate, Fate!" she could hear them call.
Fate suddenly had an epiphany.
She was in the Matrix. That was the only explanation.
Unless she was in one of those dream thingies from Inception. Then she was SCREWED.
There was no way that what happened 3 days ago happened and now she was hearing voices in her head that won't stop calling her name over and over Oh wait, that's Nanoha using telepathy.
God damn you, magic.
"Fate," called Nanoha's voice in her mind, 'are you avoiding me?'
'OH SHIT SHE'S FIGURED IT OUT!' was Fate's immediate thought. She then suddenly slapped her hands over her forehead in case Nanoha heard her thoughts.
Nanoha took the sight of Fate suddenly slapping herself in the middle of class as a sign that something was wrong.
"Fate, is something wrong?"
"Nooooooo" Fate said slowly, clearly lying. 'Please buy it, please buy it' she prayed silently.
"Buy what?"
"...Mister Testarossa, is there something that you would like to share with the rest of the Aperture Science Learning Environment?" asked the teacher with a sudden robotic quality to her voice.
Fate mentally kicked herself for saying that out loud.
"...Oven, I meant to say I forgot to turn the oven off." Fate was using an even more bald faced lie than she did 3 seconds ago.
Lying is bad Fate. Bad girl.
The teacher went back to telling the class about how next week was Bring-Your-Daughter-to-Work Day.
"Are you okay Fate? Will your house be alright with the oven on after all this time?" Fate could hear Nanoha's voice in her head again. She reeeeeeeeally didn't want to talk about this...
"Well that's okay, just think it then" was Nanoha's reply.
Fate swore under her breath. She was so distracted she couldn't even tell when she was broadcasting her thoughts or not.
'Okay Fate, you can do this' Fate thought to herself. 'All you got to do is dodge Nanoha for the rest of your life and never talk about what happened at Hayate's house ever again...'
"What's this about Hayate's house?" Fate came mentally suplexed herself. She did it again!
"Oh my god... Fate, did you see what happened?" asked Nanoha nervously.
'Oh shit oh shit oh shit....' was what Fate thought. What she actually said was "...Maybe?"
"You saw didn't you?! You jerk!" came Nanoha's metal accusation.
"What?! How am I a jerk?" shot back Fate. "You were the one doing ... THINGS with Hayate!"
"Well if you saw us then you should have helped us!" snapped Nanoha.
'Oh crap, my brain BSOD'd' was Fate's only thought after a period of silence.
"Lemme get this straight... You wanted me to join in?"
"Of course I did, why wouldn't I?"
"Well, isn't that kinda... private or something?"
"I don't see the problem with it, personally I think that the more people you have in that kind of situation the better"
Fate turned around in her chair to look at Nanoha.
'Is she serious?' she thought. 'Oh my god she is, Nanoha wants me to have some kind of kinky lesbian threesome with Hayate!'
"So what you're saying is..." Fate said slowly to Nanoha using magical mind talky stuff. "is that next time I see you and Hayate do... THAT I'm allowed to join in?"
"Sure, why not?" was Nanoha's answer.
Fate had difficulties trying to wrap her mind around this for the rest of the day.
(One week later)
'CHOOSE YOUR DESTINY' was what Fate heard.
What Nanoha actually said was "Hey, do you want to hang out with me and Hayate this weekend?"
Part of Fate wanted to say 'No, this is getting too weird.' A bigger part of Fate was saying 'Dude, sex with Nanoha! HELL YEAH!!'. A smaller part of Fate was saying 'I'm kinda hungry, I wonder if there's any chocolate left in the house?'
"...Sure, okay" answered Fate after a brief mental wrestling match.
(Weekend, in a park. 1:18 pm)
"And then I said to Vita 'That's not how we do it in THIS neighbourhood!'" In a suspiciously empty park, Hayate enters the story the same way she did last time.
The two of them, Nanoha and Hayate, were sitting in the park eating ice cream.
[Park, 1:21 pm]
Fate, despite being one of the fastest characters in the series, was late. Ignoring the part of her brain that was saying 'CHOOSE YOUR DESTINY' over and over again she dashed towards the park where she was supposed to meet her friends.
[Park, 1:25:07 pm]
"Oh Hayate, you have some ice-cream on your cheek" Nanoha pointed out.
"Oh really, where?" Hayate touched her cheek but touched the wrong one.
[Park, 1:25:15 pm]
Fate turned the corner and saw her friends sitting on a park bench. As she went to wave and call out to them...
[Park, 1:25:21 pm]
"Not there" said Nanoha. "Over here..."
[Park, 1:25:24 pm]
'ABANDON SHIP! ABANDON SHIP!' screamed to herself as she wrenched her arm down and jumped into a nearby bush.
'What the hell was that?! What the HELL was that?! Did they just kiss?!'
[Park, 1:25:24 pm]
"...What the hell was that Nanoha?" asked Hayate flatly.
"Huh?... Oh, I'm so sorry! I just licked the ice cream off by reflex!" apologized Nanoha, turning red.
"Who licks people on reflex?!" demanded Hayate.
"Ah, no, see... It's kinda what we do in our family you see, so..."
Hayate gave Nanoha this look for a second and decided to let the matter drop.
"Don't worry about it, I wonder where Fate is?..."
[Park 1:27:34 pm]
Fate was having a panic attack in the bushes.
'What am I supposed to do?!' she asked herself. 'Is this why Nanoha asked me out here? Is this the part where we have kinky lesbian sex with a cripple? What if someone sees us? Oh my god, I'm not ready for this yet!'
Fate panicked for a few more minutes and then slowly calmed down.
'Okay Fate, you can do this... You just have to march over there and have a yuri/loli threesome in public. It's totally natural and everyone probably does it all the time... Just got to go over there without looking like an idiot and remind people why 2Channers call MGLN a Hot Anime... Just gotta... Just gotta get out of this bush and... Gotta go over there and do stuff... Yeah, come on Fate... You can do this... You can do this...'
After mentally psyching herself up for 5 minutes Fate felt prepared enough.
'CHOOSE YOUR DESTINY' screamed one part of her mind.
'Why am I even thinking this?! SHUT UP!' she screamed back.
'You never ate that chocolate' said a voice reproachfully.
Fate nervously approached the two girls.
"Oh Fate, there you are!" said Nanoha cheerfully as she noticed Fate.
"It's not nice to keep ladies waiting, you know" teased Hayate playfully.
"Yeah, sorry I'm late..." Fate replied. "So uh, what do we do now?"
"Since your late, we will now burden you with the heavy task of choosing what happens next" said Hayate jokingly.
Fate however was panicking again.
'Oh crap, is this some kind of initiation test or something? Do I have to show initiative and get the mood going or something? What the hell am I supposed to do?!'
'How about you eat some chocolate?'
'SHUT THE F##K UP! Okay Fate, relax... You just gotta go for it and prove yourself worthy of getting some hot lovin'. Just have to reach out and grab this opportunity before it slips away!'
"Fate, what are you doing?" Hayate's emotionless question cut through Fate's train(wreck) of thought like a hot knife through substitute butter spread.
Fate was all of a sudden acutely aware during her internal monologue she had reached over and her hand was now on Hayate's breasts.
'Shut uppppp! Oh crap, when did I do that? Is Hayate mad at me? That's hypocrisy and we all now it! No wait, maybe I'm moving too fast! Yeah, that's it! I just need to recover and do this...'
Nanoha stared. In the span of 6 seconds, Fate not only groped Hayate but is now kissing her.
Like, on the lips and everything.
(???, ??:??)
Nanoha woke up.
She rubbed her eyes to clear her vision. She looked around to discover that she was still at the park but lying on the ground.
She had the impression that something heavy was repeatedly running over her foot and it really hurt. Also someone may or may not be calling her name...
-----------------NANOHA! Wake up!"
Nanoha suddenly sat upright. Hayate was leaning as close to her as she could in her wheel chair, looking worried.
"Thank god you're awake, I was worried when you fainted like that! I tried calling your name but you didn't answer and I even rammed you a couple of times on my wheelchair to try and get you to wake up!"
Nanoha held her head as she felt a massive headache set in.
"...What happened?" she finally asked.
"Huh, you don't remember?"
Nanoha strained her mind, fighting past her headache. She remembered Hayate upper-cutting Fate in the jaw and sending her flying, but why would she do that? She knew she was forgetting something else, something important...
And then it clicked in.
"You kissed Fate you bitch!" screeched Nanoha as she jumped to her feet.
"What the hell? Fate kissed me!" Hayate responded.
"Whatever Hayate, you're such a jerk!" Nanoha stormed off.
[Unknown time, unknown place]
Fate bashed a midget over the head with a nearby possessed scarecrow as she escaped past the enemy's front lines. She had no idea what was going on, why she was here or why someone stole her shoes and replaced them with some tacky slippers.
What she did know is that where ever she was, she wasn't in Japan anymore...
Cardboard box is here!
Kasirganin Forveti's picture
Joined: 08/25/2010
Posts: 102
I'm too lazy to do some real commenting on this (I might do it later... pfff, yeah. As if... -_-'), so the only thing I say now is:
FATE'S DESTINY IS TO EAT THAT GODDAMNED FRIGGIN' CHOCOLATE! (or to use it for the yuri threesome)
Juno's picture
Joined: 12/29/2010
Posts: 658
@ Natus: Shit. Too many words. O.o'
I'll just imagine that it's the spider from Harry Potter.
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
Holy sea lions, I've got over 580 views! When did THAT happen?!
I was going to delay the ending of Vivio Man and do some other stuff first but now I think I'll start on it immediately instead. So, thanks for all the support and here is the thrilling conclusion to the Vivio Man saga:
VIVIO MAN: FINAL (Chapter 1)
"SON OF A SEA LION!" Vivio raged across the Vivio Cave, flipping over tables and kicking over chairs as she went. Einhart followed close behind, picking up the debris and throwing it across the room while swearing more conventionally.
"WE WERE SO CLOSE! SOOOO CLOOOOOSE!" she roared, flipping over a final table and sending pens flying everywhere. Einhart picked them up and threw them at a wall, causing them to bounce off and hit Vivio in the back of her head.
Vivio fell over, too tired to continue her tantrum (or at least that's what she said, maybe the pens knocked her down...)
"...So damn close" sulked Einhart as she sat down next to her partner. Time passed as they sat there, catching their breath.
"Next time..." began Vivio, "Next time, we'll do it for sure..."
"Yeah..." sighed Einhart as she lay down on her back, staring up at the ceiling. "Next time, we'll definitely get it right... We'll be real heroes"
Precia smiled.
She gazed upon her newest acquisition, an abandoned factory that had lain disused for years after trying to make fireproof plastic bags and failing miserably. She had already checked the lower levels of the facility and confirmed that the drilling equipment was there. Soon, the shipment that she ordered will arrive and everything would all go according to plan...
She couldn't help but laugh manically in true villain fashion, stroking the glass capsule next to her as she did so.
Reinforce Zwei stared hard at Yuno. Yuno stared back but only because she was wearing a chef's hat.
"Don't gimme that look, I had to do some emergency baking" she growled.
"...Bakers don't wear those kind of hats though" Yuno replied. Zwei's response was to ignore him and start painting her nails. Yuno was suddenly aware that her nails were half an inch thick and wondered if she was aware that nail polish removers existed. Reinforce Zwei quietly painted her nails while Yuno quietly stared in a mix of shock and horror.
"So..." Reinforce didn't even look up from her nails as she began talking, "Where's Precia?"
Yuno sighed.
"I've told you I don't know. I was asleep at the time remember? If I was awake then I would have escaped, right?"
Reinforce hummed thoughtfully to herself as she began painting the nails on her other hand. What Yuno was saying certainly made sense, if she was in Yuno's position then she'd want to escape too...
'Something about this still feels off' she thought to herself. 'Yuno claims that Precia escaped without him while he was asleep. There's nothing especially strange about that but still...' Her gut feeling was telling her something was wrong but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.
"Why don't you tell me about what Precia was like before she escaped?" she asked, removing her shoes to paint her toes.
Yuno swallowed nervously. Reinforce Zwei took this as a sign that she was onto something. Yuno was disgusted to find that Zwei's toenails were in the same state as the nails on her hand.
Fate and Nanoha were out shopping in the supermarket in the middle of town. They had already blown up the one closest to them and there weren't many left.
Nanoha pushed the shopping trolley along the aisle whilst quietly humming to herself.
"Hey Fate, what should we get for dinner?" she asked. Fate didn't reply. Nanoha turned around to see Fate studying a particular shelf carefully.
"Oh, what are you looking for?" Nanoha left the trolley to join Fate. Some old lady behind her tried to swap the meat she'd chosen with a crappier one but Nanoha reflex Divine Buster'd her across the room.
"I'm looking for... the asbestos free marshmallows" said Fate slowly as she searched for the pink and white non-toxic sugary goodness.
"I'm going to look around the back" she said, and with that she reached into the mass of marshmallow bags and started rummaging around at random.
She pulled one out.
"Oh hey, this one is asbestos free AND it's reasonably priced!" Pleased with her find, Fate rejoined Nanoha and the two of them continued their grocery shopping while the manager tried (and failed) to get the place insured.
Precia watched triumphantly as her newest weapons of evil sailed through the assembly line. She grabbed a handful before they were contaminated and ate them. She could almost taste victory, and it tasted very sweet indeed...
"Sooo booooooored" moaned Vivio as she flipped more tables in a futile attempt to ease her boredom. Einhart was throwing a tennis ball against the wall and catching it as it bounced off. She was trying to see how many rallies she could get and beat her old record of 99.
Einhart counted out loud as she racked up more points.
"Ninety seven..."
"Ninety Eight..."
Vivio flipped over a table and it crashed into Einhart, causing her to miss the ball.
"What the hell?!" she screeched as she pushed the table away.
"Look, I'm bored okay? Nothing interesting has happened for 2 weeks now!" Vivio fumed before picking up one of the chairs she knocked down and sat in it.
"Then go stop crime or something!" was Einhart's retort.
"There hasn't BEEN any crimes for the past 2 weeks, not even a little one!" Vivio sighed as she finished and leaned back on her chair.
"Don't do that, you'll break the chair" Einhart said automatically.
"Jeez, you sound like my mama" Vivio groaned.
"Which one?" came the cheeky reply.
"...I'm going to smack you" Vivio was about to stand up when the chair legs suddenly snapped, causing Vivio to fall off.
"Told you..."
Reinforce sat at her Mayor's desk and frowned. Her investigation into Precia's disappearance was going nowhere.
'At least there hasn't been anything going on to interrupt my work' she thought. 'Usually something stupid happens every 3 days or so...'
Suddenly Reinforce Zwei sat up bolt-right in her chair. She had that gut feeling again (although maybe it's because she ate too many marshmallows). It was time to pay Yuno another visit.
As Reinforce flew over to the Mid-Childa City Prison, she stopped to make a few calls along the way...
Precia grinned evilly as she slowly turned the dial on her machine up a few notches. She had been slowly acting out her scheme over these past 2 weeks and it was beginning to pay off. People were already falling under the effects of her mass produced evil and by the time anyone realised the truth it would be too late. Far too late to stop her...
Precia watched the glow of collected magical energy move across specially created conduits, a crisscrossing line of light flowing into the glass container next to her. Her grin got even wider as the energy readings on the container climbed higher and higher, passing the 75% mark.
Feeling her goal so close, she couldn't help but push her luck a little. She turned the dial on the machine even further and chuckled darkly too herself. She knew she was more likely to be caught this way but the sooner the container was full of energy the better. She had studied her enemies beforehand and knew that they would fall into this trap.
"Soon..." announced Precia to the empty factory, stroking the glass next to her. "Soon, everything I had planned for will finally come to fruition! Isn't that right, my precious Alicia?"
Her chuckles grew louder and stronger, evolving into mad laughter that echoed throughout the factory.
"Ah ha ha ha ha! Ah Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!"
"Well well, back again are we? Couldn't resist my devilishly handsome good looks?" sneered Yuno as Reinforce walked towards his cell.
"Cut the crap Yuno, you look like a god damn hippie with that hair of yours" snapped Zwei as she flew up to eye level with him.
Ignoring his splutters of indignation, Reinforce asked him firmly;
"What is Precia planning?"
Yuno shrugged.
"The hell should I know? The crazy old bitch kept to herself"
"I don't believe you" Reinforce stated flatly. "I believe that she told you something. I believe that she told you to stay in here so you wouldn't get in her way"
Reinforce smirked darkly as she saw Yuno stiffen slightly.
"You know I'm right don't you? It's not just you, she's told every crook in town to stay the hell out of her way so she can do whatever she's planning to do!"
"t-That's ridiculous, how could one person get every bad guy in Mid-Childa to lay low for two weeks?!" Yuno said defensively.
"Because Yuno" Reinforce grinned in the gloom of the prison. "It's just like you said, she's one crazy old bitch"
Yuno swallowed nervously.
"I ain't telling you anything"
Reinforce giggled at this rebellious display.
"Oho, being difficult now are we? Don't worry, I have ways of making you talk! Or rather... my friends do."
Out of the darkness of the cell Yuno watched in horror as the Wolkenritter marched into the cell.
"Oh yes, my friends and I have WAYS of making you talk!"
Please stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of VIVIO MAN: FINAL!
Cardboard box is here!
Natus's picture
Joined: 04/26/2011
Posts: 1261
God, I need to put up a post-it on my screen so I stop forgetting to write this or something. On that note...
VIVIO MAN: FINAL (chapter 2)
"No wait, please! I have a wife and kids to feed!" begged Yuno.
"Bullshit" came the flat reply as Vita held up Graf Isen.
"Raketenform" she ordered.
Yuno stared in horror as the hammer suddenly grew a rocket booster on the back.
"No wait, I give! I'll talk!"
Vita glanced over at Reinforce Zwei.
Reinforce shrugged.
Insert war crimes here.
Vivio and Einhart were playing one of the most infuriating video games ever invented: Mario Kart.
Vivio threw her controller in pure rage-quitting fashion as Einhart launched a blue shell and won a come-from-behind victory. The controller bounced off the screen and hit her back in the head.
"F##K THIS!" Vivio screamed. "I wanna go out and save the day dammit! Somebody get stabbed already or something!"
"That's kind of a dark thing to wish for isn't it?" asked Einhart reproachfully as she checked the screen for damage.
"Shut up sidekick, that's not the point! You know what I really want is a HOLY COW!" Vivio's jaw dropped as she pointed out the window.
"You want a what-now?" Confused, Einhart looked out the window to see what Vivio was pointing at. It wasn't a divine bovine but the Vivio-Signal shining prominently in the air.
It's still upside down from Vivio Man 2...
"Quick, to the Vivio Mobile!" ordered Vivio gleefully. She seized a boom-box and pushed play. As the two of them peddled away into the night on their trusty tricycle the Vivio Man theme song wafted through the air.
Vivio parked her trike on top of a nearby fountain and the two of them walked the rest of the way to the Mayor's office (she muttered something about there being nowhere else to park but Einhart just rolled her eyes at this.)
"MAYOR REINFORCE ZWEI!" screamed Vivio as she kicked down the door. (Or more accurately, Einhart dutifully opened the door slightly first so Vivio could kick it open easier)
Zwei, used to this sort of thing, didn't even jump.
"Alright you two, listen up. I've got news about Precia and where she's been hiding out." Zwei began briefing the child crusaders of justice in a matter-of-fact tone while painting her nails.
"After some ...initial setbacks I finally got Yuno to talk. Seems like Precia is planning something big for the city of Mid-Childa and has threatened the entire criminal underground to stay put until she's finished. We don't know what she's doing exactly but we know where she's hiding."
Reinforce Zwei paused and admired her nails for a bit. She then opened one of the drawers in her desk and pulled out a bag of marshmallows and began eating some.
"Hey, are those asbestos free?" asked Vivio. "Because my parents always say to make sure that your food is asbestos free if you don't want to get cancer"
Reinforce lazily rolled her eyes at this.
"Moving on, Precia is hiding in an abandoned factory in the industrial district. You two will have to go by yourselves and stop her."
Einhart blinked in surprise at this.
"Just us two? You mean, no one is going to suddenly jump in and snatch the spotlight away from us or anything?"
Reinforce shuffled through some papers.
"No, doesn't look like it" she said slowly, casually looking at a copy of the script and reading ahead. "Anyway, Hayate's not feeling too good and when I tried to call Nanoha and Fate they didn't answer. It's you two on your own from here on out."
"Hayate's sick? Is she alright?" asked Einhart.
"Meh, she just ate too many marshmallows at once or something. She'll be fine. Now get out of my office and go get Precia, this scene is too long."
Precia, in the gloom of her evil base, cackled manically to herself as she played on her PSP.
Well, 'played' is the wrong word to use here since she wasn't actually touching the controls. She was 'playing' as Fate on the Nanoha PSP game, watching her get beat up.
Precia turned off her PSP and charged it. She was about to do more dickish things when suddenly she heard loud, pumping music that made the windows rattle.
The Vivio Mobile smashed through a wall and our child heroes jumped off the speeding tricycle as it crashed into the opposite wall. The entire factory inexplicably caught on fire which then caught on fire catching fire that yeah you know.
"NOOOOO!" roared Precia as she watched her factory become consumed by flame consuming flames. "You've ruined my plans!"
Vivio and Einhart stared at each other.
"Holy shit, really?" said Vivio in disbelief.
"Wow, that was easy? We just got here!" agreed Einhart.
"Heh, it doesn't matter! I've got enough bags shipped out to complete my plan anyway!" announced Precia. As if to prove her point, she reached over and grabbed one of the plastic bags that the factory was producing and opened it.
"Precia you psycho! This ends now, give up or tell us what your probably stupid evil plan is so that we can devise a way to stop you anyway!" commanded Vivio.
"Um, I don't think it works like that-" began Einhart.
"Fools! My plan is perfect!" Precia boasted.
"Oh, I guess it does. My bad." Einhart said.
"This factory used to make fire-proof plastic bags but was shut down for safety reasons. When I found out I knew what I had to do; I restarted the machinery so that it would reproduce those plastic bags. However, I changed how the factory works! Instead of making fire-proof bags it just makes normal plastic bags, the fire-proof material being placed in THESE!" Precia triumphantly grabbed a handful of the contents in the bag and held them up. Vivio and Einhart gasped in shock as they looked upon the pink and white evil...
Explosions rocked the facility as the machines overloaded from the heat and broke down. The floor gave way under the stress causing gaping holes to form, revealing the massive abyss that was the ancient asbestos mine. Precia seemed to ignore all of this as she screamed and roared with insane laughter.
"Holy shit dude, your fucking insane!" Vivio pointed accusingly at Precia. "Why the hell contaminate the marshmallows with asbestos?!"
"Isn't it obvious?" sneered Precia. "Everyone loves marshmallows and soon everyone will be dead because of it! Isn't it ironic?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not how irony works..." sighed Einhart as she sidestepped some falling debris.
"Oh crap!" she suddenly exclaimed as realization hit her.
"Hayate! She got must have gotten sick because she ate those marshmallows!"
"I'm not even at the good part yet." cooed Precia. "I've infected all of the city's marshmallows, even the asbestos free ones!"
Vivio gasped. "But the asbestos free ones are the only ones that Nanoha-mama and Fate-mama eat!"
Precia laughed hard at this. "You'll love this next part then! I've placed a magic spell on the marshmallows so that as the asbestos kill you it transfers your life force into this!-" Precia rubbed the glass capsule next to her. "I will absorb all of Mid-Childa's life-force and feed it to my dear Alicia, bringing her to life once more! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
As Precia laughed, the building began to collapse around them.
"Damn, we need to escape!" swore Einhart.
"Huh? What about catching Precia?" demanded Vivio.
"Look, we can just sort through the wreckage and find her corpse later!"
"That's not good enough! You know Precia will just escape later, if she can survive falling into an imaginary space/inter-dimension cliff thing then she'll definitely survive being trapped inside a burning building!"
"God dammit Vivio!" Einhart snapped. "Stop trying to be a hero and come on!"
"NEVER!" Vivio screamed. "I'll never stop trying to be a hero!"
Vivio rushed towards Precia while Einhart swore under her breath and ran after her.
"Vivio you idiot! Fine, if you won't go then I'll just have to help you!"
Precia smirked as the heroes charged towards her.
"You think you can stop me? Even now the asbestos are filling up the capsule with power! Why don't you try one yourself?"
Precia started to throw the marshmallows at the two. They weaved and dodged before diving for cover behind the ruins of a machine.
"Well then hero girl, any plans?" asked Einhart as she poked her head up to see what Precia was doing. "Crap, it looks like she's using magic to fortify the asbestos and make it more potent..."
Vivio hummed thoughtfully as she know, thought. "I got it! We'll split up and then attack her at the same time from the sides, she can't hit both of us that way!"
With that, Vivio dashed out from the machine. Precia readied her aim and was about to throw marshmallows at her when out of the corner of her eye she saw Einhart dash in the opposite direction. This distraction caused Precia to mess up her throw, hitting Vivio in the eye instead of her mouth. Vivio swore and began to swerve away from her target. With Vivio momentarily out of the way, Precia prioritized getting rid of Einhart.
"You'll never defeat me, I've put a spell on this next batch of marshmallows so that they home directly for the mouth!" Precia opened up a new bag and pulled out a single marshmallow.
Precia threw it.
Time seemed to slow down as Einhart watched in horror. The pink messenger of death tore through the air aimed directly at her. Her body seemed to become sluggish and slow, she knew she couldn't make it away in time. She opened her mouth in shock, making her the perfect target for the asbestos abomination. Suddenly her world seemed to rotate.
Vivio pushed Einhart out of the way.
The marshmallow, under it's magical guidance, changed course and went after the next closet target.
The marshmallow forced it's way into Vivio's mouth. Gagging, Vivio instinctively swallowed it.
Vivio fell onto her hands and knees, coughing and spluttering as the asbestos worked it's way into her system destroying her.
Vivio screamed.
Einhart sobbed.
Precia laughed.
What will happen next to our heroes?
Will Vivio survive the asbestos poisoning?
Can they escape the burning factory?
Will Precia be stopped?
How will this story end?!
Find out in the last, exciting chapter of Vivio Man: Final!
Cardboard box is here! |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63119 | Sunday, March 20, 2011
Experience Report: Functional Programming through Deep Time
My wife has just completed a draft of the experience report she's intending to submit to ICFP 2011. It's called Functional Programming through Deep Time:
This experience report describes how Haskell was used to model the beginnings of complex life on Earth. My work combines ecological modeling in Haskell with statistical analysis in R, to answer some long standing paleontological questions. For my work, I found that neither Haskell nor R was suffcient - statistical analysis in Haskell is overly burdensome, while R lacks the structure to express complex algorithms in a maintainable manner. The reaction from my colleagues has ranged from indifferent to excited - but I have yet to tempt any of them over to the pure side!
I initially persuaded my wife to switch to Haskell, but since then, I have had little involvement with her code. If you have any feedback for her (ideally before Wednesday!) please leave it in the comments.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Hoogle for your language (i.e. F#, Scala, ML, Clean...)
Summary: If you offer to help, I'll make Hoogle search your statically typed functional language.
Hoogle is a search engine for Haskell functions, that allows you to search by either name, or by type. But very little of Hoogle is actually Haskell specific - most is applicable to any language with a Hindley-Milner based type system.
Recently I have been asked by several people what they can do to allow Hoogle to search their preferred language. There are four steps to integrating a language with Hoogle, detailed below. If you are interested in helping please email me - I already have volunteers for both F# and Scala, but additional volunteers for other languages are welcome.
To allow searching a language from Hoogle, there are four steps:
1) A volunteer needs to generate some Hoogle input files containing details of the modules/functions/packages etc. to be searched. These files should be plain text, but can be in a language specific format - i.e. ML syntax for type signatures. For a rough idea of how these files could look see this example - for Haskell I get these files from Hackage. The code to generate these input files can be written in any language, and can live outside Hoogle.
2) Someone needs to write a parser that converts these language specific inputs into internal Hoogle representations. The equivalent code for Haskell is in the Hoogle repo. If a volunteer writes this code, I'll happily use it. If I have to write this code then that's OK, although I might take a bit longer. This code needs to be written in Haskell and live inside Hoogle.
At this stage, Hoogle will be able to search the new language. The remaining stages will just make the experience more pleasant.
3) Someone needs to write a query parser for the language, inside Hoogle. I may do this, as I'm intending to rewrite the Haskell query parser anyway, and I could probably find some savings by doing them together. This code needs to be written in Haskell and live inside Hoogle.
4) A volunteer would be useful to keep the function definitions up to date, generate new definitions, and ensure they get uploaded.
Email me if you want to volunteer! |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63158 | There is always a butt There is always a butt
There is always a butt
Donald J. Trump said in his address that we will become a "nation of miracles," to which almost all of Congress went clapping like some big swarm of Zika-infested mosquitoes were going at them. And I say, keep on clapping -- if it makes you feel real. There is no harm. Just please don't put this belief in a song.
In the proper newspeak of today, we are facing a nation that gives completely different new meanings to words. They sound familiar, but they mean something different - or nothing at all. "Believe me."
President Donald J. Trump used the following terms in his address to that joint session of Congress: "will get rid of criminal cartels," "will break the cycle of poverty," "cycle of violence," and some other day he used "merit-based immigration." Some of these are just empty words, figures of speech and idioms that are just expected to be out there; and in some other cases they are a means of distraction; and sometimes they are the hard truth.
It goes like this: Someone brings up infrastructure, and the politicians say, "Yes, but let's look at the problem of transgender bathrooms first." Someone brings up health care, and the politicians say, "Yes, big problem -- but let's talk about abortion and birth control and Planned Parenthood." Someone brings up any peace process, and the politicians say, "Yes, very important, two-state solution" and "fake news." Someone brings up military spending and the politicians say, "Yes, thank you for keeping us safe and fighting for us, we need to pray for the heroes." Someone brings up war, refugees or immigration and the politicians say, "Yes, we need to win against all terrorists" and/or "Russians"."
Even Bernie Sanders on Facebook:"Republicans in Congress are returning to their old obsession of trying to defund Planned Parenthood. Let's be clear. Republicans’ plan to repeal Obamacare has nothing to do with improving health care. They want to defund Planned Parenthood simply because it provides abortions, even though that is a constitutional right. Their repeal of Obamacare would make patients unable to use Medicaid coverage at Planned Parenthood. This directly hurts low-income women, who are the biggest beneficiaries of Planned Parenthood's health care. Four out of five of those who benefit are at or below 150% of the poverty line. Our job: Fight back. Do not allow Republicans to hurt millions of women with their extreme right-wing agenda."
Let's be clear. People went berserk. One of the better specimens: "The billionaires have to realize that when tax payers begin to die at alarming rates due to the unavailability of health care, their profits will begin to diminish as a direct result of this" ...someone wrote in a Facebook reaction on this Planned Parenthood "distraction debate." The reaction of most of the people were rantings and ravings about Planned Parenthood and abortions. So instead of going directly to the point (as the one prime specimen above) of the one root cause of the whole problem - the idiotic USA system of private heathcare - the debate went into partisan yelling about abortion and birth control and federal money for Planned Parenthood abortions. And then there was even more and more distractions that the people created for themselves.
(Let's leave out that no-one should think for a minute that the billionaires are such idiots. They know that people can be replaced in today's overpopulated world, that is why there is so much talk about "merit based immigration" for a while now. The whole system is horrible and is set to exploit people the same way over and over and discard them when they are not needed any more. It is also set to put downward pressure on wages by an endless influx into the workforce of new workers.)
Now just take the example of your taxes. President Trump wants to lower taxes and -- hand in hand with private enterprise -- fix the crumbling infrastructure. The infrastructure needs it. That is good and bad - the tax iteself and any increase is just more means of creating available workforce. One doesn't pull money out of thin air and one must pay taxes so that things will work. Like water. Like sewers. Like roads and bridges and so on. A balanced system in which the monies collected are effectively used for the purpose they were collected for does promote a positive business environment and does increase the tax base which leads to even more public infrastructure and lower costs for all of us. It is kind of like the life cycle of a plant.
But why go into public-private partnerships? It is, again, to privatize the profits and socialize the losses. I am afraid it is the same old song. The public infrastructure - one of the most valuable assets out there -- is one of the last things out there that is still up for grabs. The politicians will say: "we have to increase efficiency." That is done by "renting" out that public infrastructure to a private entity who will "manage" it for all of us, because there is this crazy assumption that they are extremely qualified to do that - being a "business." The outcome is that the infrastructure upkeep is the same or worse than if it just stayed public and the price of your services has to rise to satisfy that private partner and his shareholders and management. The politicians get either outright bribes or maybe a contribution for their re-election fund or some other form of compensation, like employment for their family member or friend.
After seeing this trend all over the world, I dream of a world where public infrastructure remains public. Where can this lead? There must be some middle road. As someone who experienced an oppressive centralized Communist regime and the exploitative capitalist system -- both of which, in my opinion, create despair and nihilism -- I am wondering if there is even the remote possibility of some middle-of-the-road, neutral society where one does not want to "win" at all times and at all costs (and/or determine other people's lives so much). As my wife aptly said: "All problems are soluble -- just drop them in water. And, as an added bonus, the sodium-based problems will even explode."
(c) dusan palka 2017 |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63159 | Parallel Distributed Infrastructure for Minimization of Energy
Dynamic Message Processing and Transactional Memory in the Actor Model
Publication Type:
Conference Paper
IFIP International Conference on Distributed Applications and Interoperable Systems, DAIS, IFIP, Grenoble, France (2015)
With the trend of ever growing data centers and scaling core
counts, simple programming models for efficient distributed and concurrent
programming are required. One of the successful principles for scalable
computing is the actor model, which is based on message passing.
Actors are objects that hold local state that can only be modi fied by the
exchange of messages. To avoid typical concurrency hazards, each actor
processes messages sequentially. However, this limits the scalability of the
model. We have shown in former work that concurrent message processing
can be implemented with the help of transactional memory, ensuring
sequential processing, when required. This approach is advantageous in
low contention phases, however, does not scale for high contention phases.
In this paper we introduce a combination of dynamic resource allocation
and non-transactional message processing to overcome this limitation.
This allows for efficient resource utilization as these two mechanisms can
be handled in parallel. We show that we can substantially reduce the
execution time of high-contention workloads in a micro-benchmark as
well as in a real-world application. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63173 |
Zombie Escape Rules
The Zombie Escape server is subject to the following rules.
Do not grief.
This includes but is not limited to aiding zombies by breaking defense spots on purpose (doors, boxes, barricades, etc), glitching special powers in maps, preventing humans from advancing on the map (spamming door buttons, inputting wrong access codes, etc), zombies confusing humans with mic instructions, shooting zombies in maps that have specific traps zombies cannot avoid, or inflating the zombie to human ratio by purposely getting stabbed.
Do not use exploits in maps.
This includes players (zombies or humans) moving ahead of the surviving humans due to map bugs, setting off early nukes, or other means not intended by the map creator or the fair game-play of the server.
Do not camp in spots without attempting to finish the map.
This includes camping spots in order to delay game-play when all other humans have progressed (as purpose of ZE is to reach the end of the map) or hiding in secret places with no intention to advance.
Do not hide map important items.
This means you can not hide materia or other items in order for humans to die on purpose. You're welcome though to hide them from spammers.
Global Server Rules All Plague Fest servers are subject to the following global server rules in addition to their individual server rules.
Do not spam the mic or chat.
No racism, discrimination, or threats.
No personal information.
Do not use excessive inappropriate language.
Do not use third party tools to bunny hop.
No inappropriate sprays.
This includes but is not limited to:
• Racism:
Any racist spray (even in jest).
• Generally Disgusting Sprays:
Dismembered body parts, mutilation or gore.
Human or animal fluids such as vomitus or excrement.
• Illegal Content:
Child pornography / underage nudity.
Do not impersonate any members of the admin staff.
Do not interfere with admins doing their duties.
No advertising.
This includes advertising hacks, websites, other servers, and recruiting for clans. No IP's or links of any kind in chat or over voice.
|
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63180 | XML Sitemap
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63183 | Preview Mode Links will not work in preview mode
Feb 11, 2019
Pub Songs Podcast is music and community. If you like, tell a friend or interact. Support me on Patreon. Subscribe to the podcast and my mailing list.
0:16 Welcome to the Pub Songs Podcast, Making the world a happier place through music, education, social activism, and conversation. If you have comments and want to chat in the pub, email me. Use #PubSongs when talking about this podcast.
1:33 Live recording from Coffee with The Celtfather by Marc Gunn
2:01 "Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster" from Sci Fi Drinking Songs
5:02 "Romulan Ale" from Sci Fi Drinking Songs
10:48 "Monahan's Mudder's Milk" from Kilted For Her Pleasure
13:36 Marc Gunn News
15:11 "Serenity Valley Waltz" from Heroes
20:09 "Beer Butterbeer" from Kilted For Her Pleasure
• $11 Song Requests
23:51 PUB CHAT
I want your feedback. What are you doing today while listening to the Pub Songs Podcast? What do you remember most from one of my recent shows? Or from another show you've seen? Send a written comment along with any pictures to Use the hashtag #pubsongs in the subject of your email. Or post a comment along with your review on Apple Podcasts.
Michael S sent a message with a Virtual Tip Jar donation: "My wife and myself love your music! The only time we have the opportunity to see you in person is at GenCon, but being able to enjoy your YouTube videos and live concerts is the next best thing. Thank you!"
Gary Neal emailed from Maryland: "I just listened to the "Dark Side" episode. Your talk on selflessness reminded me of a quote by Albert Pike. I've attached a coin minted by the Scottish Rite of Freemasonry with the quote on the back, so I don't misquote it.
And to your rant about social media: that's why I only post mindless drivel. I'm occasionally mildly controversial, but I try to be with humor, and about a subject that's not really all that important. Keep up the good work."
28:18 "The Green and the Blue" by Catherine Koehler from Shan-A-Key
32:49 Music Promotion Tip. Add music to your playlist.
34:57 "When She Held Me In Arms" by Marc Gunn from Single
37:42 Impossible goals. Why I listen to podcasts that have nothing to do with what I do.
Podcast Recommendations:
46:27 "Keg of Brandy" by Syncopaths from Five Gears
49:40 "Here's a Health" by The Selkie Girls from Pirate Queen
56:19 "Ghost" by The Grenaways from Diesel Rainbows
The Pub Songs Podcast is listener-supported. Your generous pledge of as little as $1 or more per month allows me to create music and podcasts for your enjoyment. Special thanks to my new patrons: Laura and John, Jacqueline H., and Scheille Neill. Thanks also to Carol Baril, Alexis, Jennifer B., Garrett R., and the artist Myriam Plante, for raising their pledge.
If you enjoy visiting the pub, please join the Gunn Runners Club on Patreon. You’ll get episodes before regular listeners, free albums, videos and lots more. Go to to join the Gunn Runners today.
1:01:36 "Name On My Soul" by Kilted Kings from Name On My Soul
Be different! And proud of it. Slainte!
|
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63186 | Solar Sync – Water Saving Controller
Take the guess work out of watering. The number one contributor to landscape and lawn problems is over/under watering. The Solar Sync uses recent weather data to adjust the watering times of your sprinkler system up, down or off based on that data. This equates to healthier plants and water savings of 30% off your water bill! Solar Sync’s can be installed on any Hunter sprinkler system.
|
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63190 | Running parallel tasks as a web app
Up till now we've been dealing with running this stuff as a sidebar on spreadsheet.
Now we'll take the example in Parallel implementation and getting started - doing some cryptography exercises in parallel and run it as a web app. You could add a bunch of parameters to this - even passing an entire profile as a parameter, but for simplicity we'll just set up a default profile and use that.
I'm going to use the same script as I used in Parallel implementation and getting started, but add a doGet() function to handle the webapp functionality, and publish it. It's just a few lines.
function doGet(e) {
return worker (cryptoProfile(25,false));
function worker (profile) {
var htmlName = 'asyncService';
var html = HtmlService.createTemplateFromFile(htmlName)
html += "<script>\n" +
"doSomeThings( " +
JSON.stringify(profile) +
return HtmlService.createTemplate(html).evaluate()
As you've been reading this, I've been running a bunch of parallel cryptographic tasks in the Apps Script cloud. See below for progress. You'll see that we got through about 1 minutes worth of work in about 20 seconds.
You want to learn Google Apps Script?
Google Apps Script for Developers and Google Apps Script for Beginners. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63201 | Research Paper Writing Service
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63219 | Youtube video ad revenue uk,zara marketing plan pdf,text message marketing for small business xerox - Plans Download
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63226 | 2011年3月30日 星期三
[SD] User Exits For Contract Processing
The following SAP enhancement is available in sales processing:
• V45W0001 Function module exit for copying sales header data into items.
This enhancement contains the user exit:
• EXIT_SAPLV45W_001
1. Create your enhancement, using a project. You can either use an existing one or create a new one.
Supplement the coding delivered by SAP. SAP provides you with the necessary function modules with short texts, interface and documentation.
1. Activate the project.
The ABAP coding will only run once the project has been activated. Until then the enhancements will not take effect.
Further notes
In contrast to modifications, enhancements can be used in any release. This is because they are defined in your own system and not in the SAP original system. You can find the documentation about the enhancement by activating the "SAP docu" key in the enhancement transaction. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63231 | Light Alarm With IC 555
Tuesday, November 26th, 2019 - Electronic Hobby
Alarm circuit is a combination light switch circuit in the control electronics with light and built an astable multivibrator circuit with IC 555. This light disupplay alarm circuit with a 9 volt battery so that the circuit light alarm can be applied to cabinets or safes. Light switch circuit used in the circuit light alarm is an LDR and transistor. Light sensitivity of the alarm circuit can be adjusted by setting VR100K until light acceptance condition to activate the alarm as you wish. A complete range of light alarm can be seen in the following figure.
Light alarm circuit with IC 555
light alarm, light alarm circuit, the sensor light alarm, set the light alarm, alarm working frequency, a simple light alarm, alarm with LDR, light alarm sensitivity, sensitivity alarm, alarm circuit IC, alarm cabinets, light switches, electronic light switches, circuit switches light
The working principle of light alarm is initiated when the alarm circuit is turned on. The light sensor will be detecting light received, if the received light enough then BC158 PNP transistor will have the bias and the transistor ON position so that the multivibrator circuit gets triggered resulting in oscillations in the circuit of the multivibrator and the pulse generated from the oscillation is transmitted to the speakers so the alarm goes off . Astable multivibrator circuit above works on a 1kHz frekeunsi, working frequency multivibrator circuit with IC 555 is determined by the configuration value R10K, R56K and C0.01uF. To change the alarm tone generated a series of light is the value of R and C may be changed as desired.
You may also like, related articles Light Alarm With IC 555 |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63238 | World Library
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Hollis French
Hollis French
Hollis French
Member of the Alaska Senate
from the J district
In office
January 15, 2013 – January 20, 2015
Preceded by Redistricted
Succeeded by Johnny Ellis
Member of the Alaska Senate
from the M district
In office
January 20, 2003 – January 15, 2013
Preceded by Rick Halford
Succeeded by Redistricted
Personal details
Born (1958-10-11) October 11, 1958
Newton, Massachusetts, U.S.
Political party Democratic
Spouse(s) Peggy French
Alma mater University of Alaska,
Cornell University
Religion Episcopalianism
Hollis S. French II was a Democratic member of the Alaska Senate, serving since 2003. He was the Minority Leader from January 2014 until he left office that year. He authored an unsuccessful bill to strike down the state's same-sex marriage ban.[1]
He applied for a state judgeship position in July 2015.[2]
French is an attorney and he and his wife own and operate an apartment rental business.
Early life and education
French worked in the Kuparuk Oilfield as a facility and drill site operator for ARCO Alaska while attending the University of Alaska, Anchorage. He graduated with a Bachelors degree in English. He attended Cornell Law School and graduated with a (Juris doctor).
Before being elected to the state Senate, French was an assistant district attorney.
French earned the ire of Alaska's veterans and military personnel when he was discovered to have falsely claimed to have been a US Marine. Though he did take a NROTC class in college, he never completed the grueling USMC boot camp or officer basic training courses to "earn" the title of US Marine. This earned him the nickname of "gunny" with many Alaskan military veterans, a derisive context that as he had simply "declared" himself to be a US Marine, he surely also promoted himself to the senior USMC rank of gunnery sergeant/ pay grade E-7. French never addressed the controversy nor apologized for making such a claim.
French has climbed Denali to the summit twice.[3] His father, Bob French, is a county commissioner in Summit County, Colorado.[4]
In 2008, French was appointed by the Legislative Council to head an investigation into charges that Gov. Sarah Palin "abused her office to get the Alaska public safety commissioner, Walt Monegan, fired."[5]
2010 gubernatorial campaign
On July 1, 2009, French announced that he filed a letter of intent with the Alaska Public Offices Commission to run for Governor of Alaska.[6] French, received 18,018 votes (38.81%), losing the 2010 Democratic primary to former state representative Ethan Berkowitz who received 22,607 votes (48.69%).
2014 gubernatorial campaign
French initially decided to run again for Governor of Alaska in 2014, but later decided to run instead for Lieutenant Governor of Alaska.[7] He was nominated as the Democratic party's lieutenant gubernatorial candidate.[8]
In September, Byron Mallott, the Democratic nominee for Governor, merged his campaign with independent candidate Bill Walker. Walker remained the gubernatorial candidate, with Mallott running for Lieutenant Governor as his running mate. Both French and Walker's original running mate, Craig Fleener, withdrew their candidacies.[9] The Walker-Mallot ticket defeated that of incumbent Republican Governor Sean Parnell.
1. ^ Senator proposes striking same-sex marriage ban,Juneau Empire, Matt Woolbright, February 25, 2014. Retrieved 30 September 2015.
2. ^ Hollis French applies for state superior court judge seat, KTUU television, Chris Klint, July 21, 2015. Retrieved 30 September 2015.
3. ^ Hollis French for Senate campaign site
4. ^
5. ^ ABC News: 'October Surprise' Over Palin Investigation?
6. ^
7. ^
8. ^
9. ^
External links
• State Senator Hollis French official Alaska State Legislature site
• Profile at Project Vote Smart
• Hollis French at 100 Years of Alaska's Legislature
Party political offices
Preceded by
Diane Benson
Democratic nominee for Lieutenant Governor of Alaska
Most recent
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63262 | Daylight Saving Time leads to Random Funnies: Random Tuesday Thoughts
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – I’m so not a fan of this time of year, when those that are they have taken away an hour from us. I actually like my friend Cathy‘s idea, though … Continue reading
Random Up for a Merry Christmas!
Since Tuesday happens to be Christmas Day, I’m sure you have better things to do than be random. But in case you do feel like randomizing, I’ll put the link-up at the end. But we can’t have a Random Tuesday … Continue reading
Decking the Halls with Random Funnies: Random Tuesday Thoughts
Where has the time gone? Not only am I late (again) writing this post (I looked at the clock and realized it was closing in on 9:30pm PST, usually I have my post already written and scheduled to go live … Continue reading
Bidding Farewell to November with Random Funnies: Random Tuesday Thoughts
Princess Nagger’s Birthday Week and some Funnies: Random Tuesday Thoughts
Hallowthanksmas, plus another cool Inflatable Dinosaur and some Random Funnies: Random Tuesday Thoughts
How is it possible we’ve already reached October?? I’m still on the mend, and relegated to sleeping in my recliner for a few more weeks. Can’t wait until I can sleep ‘normal’ again! And can’t wait until the pain is … Continue reading |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63283 | SUPERFAMILY 1.75 HMM library and genome assignments server
Family level classification of domain no. 1 from sequence WP_005718573.1.8281
Family classification
The Formate/glycerate dehydrogenases, NAD-domain family has an E-value of 0.00000047 for the domain selected. This score is conditional on the domain being a member of the NAD(P)-binding Rossmann-fold domains superfamily.
Closest structure
1psd A:108-295 is the closest structural domain in the library. There may be other structures not included in the library that are closer, but those structures will be more than 95% identical in sequence to 1psd A:108-295. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63305 | Total Pageviews
Wednesday, 25 January 2012
Great Grovels !
Over at Kens forum the rubber Ramada. From Sid Bonkers aka the village idiot.
“Both you and Ken are sorely missed there you know, which is why I always check in here too”
“I agree with Sid, it ain’t the same without you” Carol
Sorely missed, yea, like a bad case of piles. Ain’t the same without you, he never left. He is still causing mayhem. Check out the lunatic Angeleyes.
The great grovel of the week goes to Nigel aka Nobhead at When realising his high carb low fat chums were getting a good kicking bleated.
“Time to put this one to bed IMHO, there's a lot of point scoring going on which isn't achieving all looks very unfriendly and confrontational to those viewing the forum for the very first time”
This from a guy that thinks Diabetes is a Welsh rock group.
1 comment:
Lowcarb team member said...
More from Sid Plonker
"A good point Nigel and why ban breakfast cereal either, I eat Cornflakes almost every morning, 16g measured out on my scales, thats 13.5g of carbohydrate plus a little for the splash of simi skimmed I have on it."
Thats about 60 cals plus milk for breakfast thats a starvation diet, even a toddler needs more.
Absolute stark raving Bonkers at Dcuk |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63318 | Tom McLean/ Animation World Network
‘Luna’ exposes young viewers to social studies concepts while ‘Molly’ follows the adventures of an Alaska Native girl.
ARLINGTON, VA. — PBS Kids announced this week two new animated series at the PBS Annual Meeting: Let’s Go Luna! and Molly of Denali.
Molly of Denali will debut nationwide in summer 2019 on PBS stations, the 24/7 PBS KIDS channel and PBS KIDS digital platforms.
Produced by WGBH Boston, Molly of Denali is an action-adventure comedy that follows the adventures of feisty and resourceful 10-year-old Molly Mabray, an Alaska Native girl. Molly of Denali is the first nationally distributed children’s series in the U.S. to feature an Alaska Native lead character.
The series is designed to help kids ages 4-8 develop knowledge and skills for interacting with informational texts through video content, interactive games, and real-world activities. Each episode will include two 11-minute stories as well as interstitial content, including live-action segments featuring real children and regions in Alaska.
The series is in production on 38 half-hour episodes and a one-hour special. The series is co-produced by WGBH and Atomic Cartoons. Molly of Denali is developed and produced with funding from CPB, the Department of Education’s Ready to Learn Grant, and CBC.
Source: PBS Kids |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63325 | Breast Ultrasound
Breast Ultrasound3D Image of a man
Breast Ultrasound at the ProMedica Breast Care revolves around the high-end breast ultrasound machines. Breast ultrasound is useful in helping diagnose breast abnormalities revealed on a mammogram or detected during a physical exam.
Breast Ultrasound does not use ionizing radiation found in x-rays, but high-frequency sounds waves to produce images. Ultrasound is employed to evaluate the composition of breast lesions, especially when an abnormality is not seen on a mammogram but only felt as a lump. We can also use ultrasound to further characterize lesions seen initially only on MRI. ( Two breast ultrasound certified technologist are available to assist the radiologist at the BCC. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63339 | Karthik Ram (@_inundata)
Yay Area / ✈ in transit
October 13th, 2012
@IHStreet @Pettorelli +1. Seriously contemplating leaving academia in the next year. Hoping to find another way to keep doing science.
via TweetDeck in reply to IHStreet
@distribecology @recology_ I think I win this round of hipsterest coffee shop. pic.twitter.com/b7SxyUhw
via Tweetbot for iOS
@IHStreet @Pettorelli agreed. But the problem is so pervasive in STEM that we are reaching a breaking point.
via TweetDeck in reply to IHStreet
@distribecology There is one guy here at the arbor cafe with a Sony Vaio. We're all giving him dirty looks.
via TweetDeck in reply to emhrt_
Many more @rOpenSci packages are either on CRAN or will soon get there. Look at all the green on this page! ropensci.org/packages/
via TweetDeck
@recology_ @ethanwhite @fonnesbeck @EliSwede Anyone know if pandoc supports multi-markdown tables? I also hate lack of tables in mdown.
via TweetDeck in reply to sckottie
birbigs I want to live in the Quiet Car of life.
via TweetDeck (retweeted on 5:02 PM, Oct 13th, 2012 via Twitter Web Client)
I really wish @TweetDeck would let you mute folks for various lengths of time like @tweetbot
via TweetDeck
Fun fact: I begin nearly all weekends with a todo list titled "Fires burning" as immortalized in this painting. bukk.it/shitsonfire.jpg
via TweetDeck
. @recology_ is a R machine. Two packages off to CRAN the same day!
via Tweetbot for Mac
Great perspective on work-life balance and gender inequality in academia by @Pettorelli sciencecareers.sciencemag.org/career_magazin…
couldn't agree more.
via TweetDeck
rOpenSci ritis, our wrapper to the Integrated Taxonomic Information Service (or ITIS) was just sent to CRAN, code: bit.ly/HyWEsx
via TweetDeck (retweeted on 1:56 PM, Oct 13th, 2012 via TweetDeck)
@msanclem @MiriamGoldste Can I blurb the book? "Total…garbage". or maybe I should save that for Miriam's garbage patch book.
via TweetDeck in reply to msanclem
@Impactstory Will there be altpetizers at this event? maybe some altisanal beer?
via Tweetbot for Mac in reply to Impactstory
@MiriamGoldste I always use Frontier when I travel to/from CO. I like them a lot.
via Tweetbot for Mac in reply to MiriamGoldste
eperlste If the victors of the Tenure Games have no incentive to change and everyone else gets killed, how does academia evolve?
via Twitter for iPhone (retweeted on 12:45 PM, Oct 13th, 2012 via Tweetbot for iOS)
@duffy_ma I get science done at a much slower pace and I don't even have a baby.
via TweetDeck in reply to duffy_ma
@melissaterras Love it. I bet Governor mittens will give us all professor jobs.
via TweetDeck in reply to melissaterras
The myth of making tenure (or finding a TT job) is now officially folklore. …miainchildrenspicturebooks.tumblr.com/post/335104222…
via TweetDeck |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63374 | wos slogan
Willow Tits are for the most part a sedentary species, found right across Eurasia from western Europe to Kamchatka and Japan; in Europe their range extends north to northern Fenno-Scandia and south to mountain areas in Italy and the Balkans. In continental Europe, unlike in Great Britain, they are commoner and more widespread than Marsh Tits.
In Great Britain they were first recognised as a species separate from Marsh Tits only in 1907. The British population belong to an endemic subspecies, P.m.kleinschmidti, their numbers swollen occasionally in the east and north by rare vagrant members of an eruptive northern subspecies P.m.borealis. They are found in many areas south from southern Scotland, most densely in northeast England, East Anglia, the Midlands and south Wales. Their range and population numbers have declined sharply in the past forty years: Bird Atlas 2007-11 recorded a 55% range contraction since the 1968-72 Breeding Atlas, including almost complete disappearance from large areas in southeast England.
In Wiltshire the presence of Willow Tits was first recorded early in the 20th century but it was not until the mid-century that they were recognised as a scarce breeding species. There was no clear evidence of population decreases in the decades leading up to the end of the century: Birds of Wiltshire recorded them in 85 tetrads with breeding confirmed or probable in 27 of them. From 2000 however, records submitted to Hobby showed a steady decline. In 1999 records were submitted from 25 sites; by 2003 this had declined to ten sites and by 2015 to only three sites. WTA2 treated the species as so sensitive that no records were mapped at all.
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63381 | Rock star: A job with no retirement age
Rock star: A job with no retirement age I went to a live music show this weekend, where the band was made up of four guys in their 60s (in other words, my peers). During the show, that group of aging rockers, with their gray hair, creased faces and even a couple of potbellies, had just as much swagger and animal magnetism, and whipped the receptive crowd into a frenzy just as quickly, as any young, agile boy band strutting across the stage. It occurred to me (and pleasantly so) that music might be the last public bastion for aging men to be viewed as sex symbols. Sure, there are still some silver-haired gentlemen on the silver screen, but they’re typically not given leading man status anymore, i.e. parts designed to make women swoon. Whereas, the part of surly and seductive heartthrob that these aging rockers are playing hasn’t changed one iota over the past 40-plus years. Actually, their acts have probably gotten a whole lot better with time! Take musicians like 71-year-old Rod Stewart and Mick Jagger, 72, for example. I dare you to name a single young artist who has the stage presence and charisma of either one of these seasoned performers. Why else would Adam Levine claim to have “moves like Jagger”? However, these guys are certainly not the only ones who’ve still got it. At 66, Bruce Springsteen, still commands the stage like “The Boss” and Sweet Baby James, 68, continues to have that quiet, unassuming charm when he strums out “Don’t Let Me Be Lonely Tonight” to women of all ages. Then there are Bob Dylan, Neil Diamond, Paul Simon and “old friend,” Art Garfunkel, all now septuagenarians and all still [...] |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63385 | Preview Mode Links will not work in preview mode
Dec 31, 2018
amazing insights and Information on current topics - all related to
digital transformation. I also want to thank my brother Philipp for creating my audio files!
I hope, that you could take some impulses for your work and everything that you do and I hope that you will follow me and the content in 2019.
I learned a lot, from China business and economics to IO psychology, satellite technology, VR, AR and all the implications of digital transformation on the labor market, on firms, on workers, on education, on skills and competences of the future.
I think there is much more to come in 2019 and therefore I wish you a successful 2019 but most importantly healthy 2019.
And I wish you a HAPPY NEW YEAR.
See you soon. Bye. Bye. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63388 | How To Cook The Best Food Possible
It may be surprising, but anyone can cook. You can shop for ingredients, and follow a recipe’s instructions, right? Do you have the basic equipment for cooking? If you said yes to the two previous questions, than you are well on your way to learning how to cook! These tips are here to help you improve your cooking skills and prepare great dishes.
When storing your herbs and spices, they should be kept in a cool, dark spot. Moisture, light and heat can affect the flavor of your spices. In general, herbs and spices that are ground will retain their flavor for up to one year. Spices in their whole forms have longer useful lifespans, lasting up to five years. They’ll remain fresh longer if stored properly.
Sharp knives are an important component of any kitchen. It might seem odd at first, but it makes perfect sense. You will struggle with a duller knife and thus may cut yourself easily if your blade or your grip slips. It’s easier to hurt yourself with a dull knife by forcing it to cut through something than by using a sharp knife to easily slice through it.
Cooking can a hobby, a skill, and a job. The ways to cook food are endless. And the best advice comes from people who can share the techniques that make them good at their skills and talents. Keep this article’s tips in mind when you next decide to do a little kitchen work! |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63403 | Plasma Cut
Plasma and Oxy-Fuel cutting system is possible to cut Steel up to 200 mm thickness.
We can work in Dual side rack, pinion system AC Servo motor on X axis, and Y axis. Precision Plasma 130/260 Ampere
Standard Marking on Precision Plasma and Automatic torch height control.
Effective cutting without reducing the cutting speed for the vectors which have the same start and end angles (High speed machining )
The ability to go back to any position and resume cutting. Resume feature. Working with standard DIN/ISO G Codes. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63408 | Ode to Estrella
I looked up from the recon reports I was reviewing when the phone buzzed. I pressed the button to see what was going on.
“Sir?” came Estrella’s smooth voice over the intercom, “There is a Mr. Hades here to see you.”
“Mr. Hades? Please send him up,” I replied. A minute or so later, the girls perked up their ears and I could hear my uncle’s footsteps on the iron staircase that led up to my office. Hades gave a quick rap on the door and stuck his head in immediately.
“Come in, Uncle. Sit down,” I said as I rose and gestured to one of the leather chairs across from my desk.
“Thank you, Dinlas,” he replied as he shook my hand, then sank into the chair. Both my girls, Hate and Jealousy, got up to greet him and get their ears rubbed.
“I just wanted to stop by quickly and see how you are doing. You know, last time I saw you, well, you didn’t seem to be doing great.”
I nodded and replied, “That’s fair. I’m, uh, I’m doing better. Nana Hera helped me out with Zeus, so that’s all straight. And the nightmares…”
Hades interrupted me. “I heard Ares fell on the sword for you.”
I shifted in my chair. I knew never to lie to Uncle Hades. He could sniff out a lie instantly. But I thought he wouldn’t catch me glossing over and omitting part of the story.
“Well, yes,” I replied, “he did tell Zeus he authorized it. I never heard what Grandpa said. All I know is I never heard anything else about it.”
Hades smiled. He was, as always, impeccably dressed. He was wearing a black slacks and a sport-coat that tapered in at the waist over a plain button down white shirt. He also had on a pair of black Italian loafers and as always carried his walking stick.
He looked like the coolest mortician ever.
“You need to give credit where credit is due, Dinlas.”
I shifted again. “I know, it’s just that, well, never mind.”
Hades smiled again. “It’s hard after all these years, but I do think he is trying. But I came to ask about you. Seriously, how are you doing? You started to say something about nightmares. Has Morpheus been deviling you?”
I shook my head. “No, no sign of Morpheus. I’m doing better. I just have been having trouble relating to these mortals. You know so much has changed now. These mortals are so enamored with their technology that they have forgotten about their spirituality.”
Hades laughed openly, “The God of Hate and Jealousy is upset about a loss of spirituality?”
“Well, I don’t know how to describe it. These mortals worship hate towards one another, but not The God of Hate. They worship war, but most have never heard of Ares. And death, they pray for death to each other, but all too often your name is nothing more than a punchline in a joke.” I shook my head as Uncle studied me intently. Then I continued, “It’s as if they deny our existence so they can assume the role of god themselves.”
Hades shrugged and replied, “Things are different for you, no doubt. From my end though, things never really change. People die, Charon ferries them across, and I take over from there.”
We sat quiet for a moment, then he commented,“What else?”
I looked at him for a moment then said, “Well, Phobos and Deimos came to me for jobs. Still not sure if Mother put them up to it or not.”
“Did you hire them? I see you hired Markos away from Heph and Ares.”
Damn, he doesn’t miss anything.
I shook my head. “No, not sure if I’m going to, either. And just so you know, Markos came to me. Said he liked Uncle Heph well enough, but really didn’t like Ares at all.”
“Well, I know Zeus may have some work for Phobos and Deimos if they are interested.”
“I’ll let them know,” I replied.
Hades simply nodded. We sat quiet for another minute then he spoke up.
“I talked to your Aunt Demeter. Both she and Hera were grateful for your help with Hera’s issue.”
I shrugged. “It’s Nana Hera. I would never miss a chance to help her, or you.”
“Well you’re certainly making a name for yourself as a fixer within the family. I also heard you helped your father tracking a killer with the girls. We need that same feeling of charity amongst the rest of the family. That is, if we are going to make a successful return here.”
We again sat quiet then I said, “Oh, I’ve been on a few dates with my secretary.”
Hades sat up straighter in his chair and replied, “Oh yeah? Who? That redhead or one of the others off to the side?”
“The redhead.”
“Sweet baby,” he said, “have you given her the old…” He trailed off, but made a pumping motion, like a piston, with his arm.
“Actually, I have not,” I replied. He frowned, clearly disappointed.
“But, we have, well, I have been giving her some training.”
“Training?” he echoed. He had a confused look on his face.
“Yeah. She’s into, hmmm, well how…I guess I can just say it. She’s into bondage and discipline. She’s a submissive, but that’s all I’m going to say.”
Hades whistled and really sat up straight now. “That’s all you’re going to say? You’re killing me here, Nephew. Do you have any video?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Huh, you must really like her if you’re being so coy with me on the details.”
“I do. I’ve been in relationships like this before, but this time, it’s different. It’s like I’m addicted to this mortal. When we’re apart, I want to see her. When I see her, I want to touch her. I just can’t stop thinking about her.”
“All this and you haven’t been with her yet?”
I nodded and replied, “If she touches me, even if it’s just here in the office, I feel like I’m on fire.”
“Well, she caught my eye straight away,” Hades said as he chuckled, “especially that tattoo on her neck.”
“Oh, I can’t believe I didn’t mention that first. You should see that thing. It goes from the hairline above her ear to her ankle. It’s positively mesmerizing.”
Hades sighed. “Well, I’m glad you found this mortal if she makes you happy. You know, just be careful. Even though we’re gods, we can still get hurt.” He stood, then added, “I guess I should be going.”
I stood as well and stepped around the desk to give him a perfunctory hug.
“I’m glad to see you smile, Dinlas,” he said.
“Thank you. I really am glad we had a chance to talk, Uncle. Are you going to teleport from here?”
He smiled, with a twinkle in his eye, as he headed for the door, “Oh no, I’m going to get another look at this redhead on my way out.”
“Suit yourself,” I laughed as he exited and closed the door.
I stood for a moment reflecting on our conversation. Uncle Hades wasn’t the most touchy-feely kind of guy, but it was nice he stopped to check up on me. I tapped out a cigarette and lit it as I sat back down at my desk. The girls got up and nuzzled me for more attention. I alternated rubbing them behind the ears.
Damn, now he’s got me all worked up and thinking about Estrella again…
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Dinlas (Wayne Davids)
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1. Hades, dag-nab it. Why you gotta go and get that boy all worked up again? He’s already acting like the Marquis de Sade on spring holiday.
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63409 | Software documentation
Written text or illustration that accompanies computer software
Snippet from Wikipedia: Software documentation
Software documentation is written text or illustration that accompanies computer software or is embedded in the source code. The documentation either explains how the software operates or how to use it, and may mean different things to people in different roles.
• Architecture/Design – Overview of software. Includes relations to an environment and construction principles to be used in design of software components.
• Technical – Documentation of code, algorithms, interfaces, and APIs.
• End user – Manuals for the end-user, system administrators and support staff.
• Marketing – How to market the product and analysis of the market demand. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63418 | We have alas reached the final leg of our journey, we will continue with the idea of a normed vector space and then we will describe Banach spaces and Hilbert spaces.
Associated with the norm on our vector space V, is the metric
So V is endowed with a metric topology in which a sequence \{x_n\} converges to x in V iff
For example, consider the sequence of sequences (take a moment to ponder what we are talking about!) given by:
and so on. Now we will consider whether or not this sequence converges. The first question you have to ask yourself is what could this converge to? Hopefully it is obvious that it converges to \vb{x}=(0,0,0,0...). Let’s say we live in \ell_1, and so for our sequence \vb{x}_n to converge to \vb{x} we need that \norm{x_n-x}_1\rightarrow 0. But does this happen? Let’s find out. Recall that the 1-norm is \sum_{i=1}^{N}\abs{a_i} and applying this we get
(1) \begin{align*} \norm{x_n-x}_1&=\sum_{i=1}^{n}\abs{x_n-x}\\ &=\sum_{i=1}^{n}\abs{\frac{1}{n}-0}\\ &=n\times\frac{1}{n}\\ &=1 \end{align*}
And so, as n\rightarrow\infty, \norm{x_n-x}_1\rightarrow 1 and hence the sequence does not converge in \ell_1. Doing the same thing, it can be shown that it does converge in \ell_2 and \ell_{\infty}.
Now that we have a notion of convergence for these normed vector spaces, we have all those properties that we had previously for metric spaces, in particular, those of Cauchy sequences and completeness. Recall that every complete space, is one in which every Cauchy sequence converges. Now to expand upon normed linear spaces, every complete normed linear space is known as a Banach space. From those examples we mentioned in the previous post, since we proved in part 2 of this series that the reals are complete, and we saw that the reals is an example of a normed linear space, it turns out the reals, are a Banach space. Other examples of Banach spaces are \ell_2 and \ell_{\infty}.
Now a Hilbert space is a Banach space in which the norm is derived from an inner product space. What is an inner product? Well, the simplest inner product you have probably been dealing with is the dot product. But more generally, an inner product is a function <,> that satisfies:
• <x,x> \geq 0 and <x,x>=0 \iff x=0
• <x,y+z>=<x,y>+<y,z>
• <x,\alpha y>=\alpha<x,y>
• <x,y>=\overline{<y,x>}
Note that <x,x>=\norm{x}^2 and so the norm on any inner product space is
and it is easily verified that this is indeed a norm. (Refer back to the three norm axioms in the previous post!)
As a final example, we will prove that the space \ell_2, with the inner product <x,y>=\sum_{i=1}^{\infty}x_iy_i is indeed a Hilbert space. Now since we are already given that <x,y> is an inner product, I leave it to you to verify that it actually is by making sure those 4 axioms are satisfied. What we need to do now is prove that the space is complete with respect to this norm. So the way we will do this is outlined as follows:
1. Pick any Cauchy sequence in \ell_2
2. Find a possible candidate to which it can converge to
3. Show that that this candidate is indeed in \ell_2
4. Show that the Cauchy sequence actually converges to our candidate with respect to the given norm
This last step is important, although it seems that it is obvious that our sequence must converge to it from step 2, we have not actually shown that it does with respect to the given norm, until we do step 4. I’ll leave steps 3 and 4 for you to figure out! Before we can go on, we need to talk about notation, because when we begin discussing sequences of sequences, things get very complicated.
Given a sequence of sequences (x)_n, it follows that each x_1,~x_2,~x_3 etc is itself a sequence, and so the elements of each of these sequences need to be indexed in some way. Let’s use superscripts to indicate the position in each individual sequence. So for example, x_3^2 would mean the second element of the third sequence, x_i^n would mean the n’th element of the i’th sequence. Doing so, we can see that the i’th sequence is indexed as
Now that we have this bit of notation trickery up our sleeves, let’s begin this proof.
Let \epsilon>0.
1. Pick any Cauchy sequence in \ell_2.
Let x_i be a Cauchy sequence such that x_i \in \ell_2 \forall I and for i,j>N
2. Find a possible candidate to which it can converge to.
Since x_n is Cauchy, and remembering that our norm is given by our inner product defined above, we get that
given \epsilon<1. Here I have dealt with the square root that comes with the norm. From this it follows that for all n,
and so
and so, each (x)^n is a Cauchy sequence in \mathrm{R}. Now you might be confused what this all means, so here is a little picture to help you, with the sequence (x)^n highlighted.
Since each of these spaces are complete, these sequences must converge to something. Denote,
\[\lim_{i\rightarrow\infty} x_i^n=x^n\]
and set x to be the sequence of these limits, i.e.
Now this sequence here, x, is our candidate. It’s now over to you complete the proof. Here are some hints:
3. Show that that this candidate is indeed in \ell_2
Remember that for x \in \ell_2, it needs to satisfy
Use the given norm to show that
This brings us to the end of the series, A voyage through space(s)! We will definitely be sticking to this analysis theme in future posts.
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63419 | remembermatthews (me): homophobic is a wimp's term, nobody is scared, that's a ploy to make anti gays feel weak
paranoid schizophrenic 1: remembermatthews, profile and chat
paranoid schizophrenic 1: ignored
(for what, hurting your ever-so feeble 'pride'? get a fucking life!
why must you announce that you clicked ignore? is that your "nyah, nyah"?)
relieved crybaby 1: thanks winter!!! my anti-hatred soul hates this anti-gay advocate as you do
compulsive blamer 1: it still amazes me that there are people out there like remember who are so sick
("you're the one with the problem")
paranoid schizophrenic 1: it's sad that people have to devote so much of their lives to hatred of people who never have done a thing agianst them or hurt them in any way poor poor pitiful me!!!!!!!
adolescent 1: some people are just stupid some can't comprehend their own naivete
compulsive blamer 2: ignorant is more the word trina :) 'stuck on yourself' is the expression
compulsive blamer 3: scared and ignorant your ploy to make anti-gays feel weak don't work on me
check out my site, , unless you're there now |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63445 | Hormonal Bliss Smoothie
Today’s recipe combines the power of a delicious and health-supportive herb, maca root, with nourishing and satisfying healthy fats of hemp and coconut.
Maca, a Peruvian herb, is known as an endocrine adaptogen. What this means: rather than containing hormones in itself, it instead contains the nutrients necessary to support hormone balance.
Flaxseeds are also supportive for healthy hormones due to a special compound they have called “lignans”. Lignans are similar to the hormone estrogen – so similar in fact, that they compete with estrogen and can have the result of essentially lowering estrogen in the body (great for the many women who are dealing with the weight gain, bloating, mood swings and headaches caused by estrogen dominance).
Hormonal Bliss Smoothie
If you’re using thick coconut milk from a can: ¼ cup coconut milk + ¾ cup water
If you’re using drinkable coconut milk from a carton: 1 cup coconut milk
1 banana
2 tablespoons hemp seeds
2 tablespoons ground flaxseeds
1 teaspoon maca powder
Add all ingredients and blend on high until smooth.
Tip #1: Use a frozen banana for a frothier, creamier and colder drink.
Tip #2: For a stress-busting boost, add half of the peel of the banana into the smoothie as well. Banana skin, though not commonly eaten in the West, increase levels of serotonin in the body. This neurotransmitter is responsible for balancing mood and emotions and easing depression.
Pinterest Hormonal Bliss Smoothie |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63448 | Trauma Counseling
If you’ve experienced trauma or abuse in your life, you know the struggle of trying to work past it, let alone cope with the reality that it was your life that was impacted. Trauma Counseling is critical. Peter Levine, an expert on healing trauma and author of Waking the Tiger points out that animals have an innate way of healing trauma so that there are no lingering effects. Humans though, may carry the effects of trauma, including abuse, for many years after the incident. We must meet the demands and responsibilities of conducting our lives, and so often the hardships we faced are deferred and subsequently seldom addressed. Over time, one may feel shame or hurt, and respond by either not talking about it or acting out angrily. Loved ones may feel powerless to help.
The effects of trauma and abuse are many: decreased energy, depression and anxiety, and other mind-body symptoms are common. Sometimes, even physical illnesses can result from concealing unresolved emotions. While the initial response may be to “just get over it,” there are far more effective techniques for dealing with traumatic events.
At Transformational Counseling, through trauma counseling, you can learn techniques for mindfully working through the painful emotions that result from your difficult experiences. You are given the tools to approach, embrace, then confidently come to terms with your experience with a better understanding and clarity. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63452 | Skip Navigation
Rocket Launchers
Author(s): Tadzia GrandPré, PhD
Showing Results for: experiment Return to Presentation
Setup the Experiment
Students should work in groups of 2-4 to set up yeast cultures consisting of 50 mL of room temperature water and one packet of rapid rising yeast. Two teaspoons of sugar should be added to one culture only (the other culture is left alone as a control). Separate spoons or stirrers should be used to stir each mixture.
Within a few minutes, bubbles will begin to appear near the surface of the mixture with sugar. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63457 | Bank of England Mortgage - Glossary of Mortgage Terms
Credit Score Tips
Allow Mortgage Lenders to Access Your Credit Report
It is important to understand how pulling your credit report affects your personal score. While it is true that an abundance of credit inquiries can reduce your score a bit, having one or two mortgage lenders access your credit report will not harm your score. Should you allow 8 or 9 lenders to pull your credit in a short period of time, you will notice a negative change. But, there should be no reason to have that many inquiries from different mortgage lenders.
There is no way to avoid at least one or two credit inquiries, however. Since most mortgage interest rates are dependent on the borrower's credit score, you cannot receive a firm mortgage loan offer until your lender has your report. Remember, Bank of England offers a wide variety of loans, so it should not be necessary to span the globe in your search for the best mortgage for you.
Remember, credit reports are not "product specific." You can qualify for more than one type of loan from the same lender without having them pull multiple credit reports. One will do nicely. Your credit score will not be affected and your prospective lender can give you a firm loan offer.
Credit Scores Can Go Down if Multiple Credit Reports Are Pulled
Pulling a mortgage credit report should not negatively impact your credit score, but there are conditions under which your credit score can be negatively affected. Here's an example that may clear up any misunderstanding:
Let's say you've decided to become the king or queen of credit cards. You gather up the last 12 unsolicited credit card offers you've received by mail over the past two weeks, and apply to all of them. Each credit card company will pull your credit report from one or more of the three national credit bureaus. Overnight you will have 12 credit "inquiries" in your credit file. The credit bureaus have no idea whether you were approved by one or all of these lenders. Suppose you were approved for 8 to 12 new credit cards with limits from $1,000 to $5,000. You could now have $30,000, $40,000, or $50,000 of new unsecured credit that you can't afford to repay. Because of the number of inquiries and potential new levels of credit obligations, the credit bureau's credit score software factors this data into your score and reduces it.
This should not be an issue with your mortgage application. You should settle on one mortgage lender that has one or more loan programs that appear to be perfect for your situation. After you have established a comfort level with the lender, allow them to pull your credit report. One or two credit inquiries will not seriously harm your credit score since it should be obvious they are mortgage loan credit requests and should not negatively impact your debt-to-income status.
How Mortgage Interest Rates and Credit Scores Are Related
For better or worse, your mortgage interest rate and your credit score at the time of application are directly intertwined. In recent years, most mortgage lenders have linked their interest rates with different ranges of credit scores. The higher your credit score, the lower the interest rate you are offered. That's the good news or bad news depending on your personal credit score.
Should your credit score be less than ideal, there is still some good news. Instead of being rejected, you will still probably qualify for many good quality mortgage loans. You will, of course, be offered a higher interest rate, but you can still receive the loan you want and complete your purchase or refinance.
The importance of keeping your credit score as high as possible need not be over emphasized. However, always know what information is in your credit report BEFORE you apply for a mortgage loan to keep you safe from unplanned negative surprises. You are permitted to receive one free credit report per year. You can also get one at no cost anytime you are refused credit, even if it happens with a credit card or personal loan. Take advantage of these offers before you apply for a mortgage loan and immediately correct any errors you see.
How to Avoid Having More Than One Mortgage Lender Pull Your Credit Report
To ensure that you don't have a large number of credit inquiries from many different lenders appear on your credit report, you are wise to limit the number of mortgage companies with whom you work. Remember, a credit report pulled by one lender cannot be used by any other lender. You want to narrow your search for the right mortgage loan to one or a maximum of two mortgage lenders. If you find one that makes you comfortable and has one or more programs you like, stick with them.
The good news: Major league mortgage lenders, like Bank of England, have rather complete menus of many mortgage loan types, one of which should satisfy your wishes. If you do your homework, and find a good lender that offers multiple loans that you might consider, you will only have one credit report pulled.
The best way to avoid having multiple credit reports pulled by different mortgage lenders is to know your credit score BEFORE you make any mortgage applications. You are eligible to get one free credit report per year. Use this important gift before you get involved in seriously considering any loan or lender. Even if you're "interviewing" different lenders and programs, by knowing your score in advance, lenders can make more serious offers of rates and terms to you.
After you've found the mortgage lender with the program(s) you want, you can then allow them to pull your credit report with no nasty surprises. If you are considering two or three different types of loans from this lender, your credit report can be used for whichever loan you choose.
Lenders Need a Credit Report Before They Can Make a Firm Interest Rate Quote
While you may, at times, feel frustrated, you must understand that a mortgage lender cannot realistically quote you a firm interest rate until they have examined your credit report. Most mortgage interest rates and, sometimes, the loans themselves are dependent on your credit score. While this fact may be discouraging if your credit score is not where you'd like it to be, it is a necessity and a reality.
You may have been told that mortgage inquiries might lower your credit score even further. But you need not worry about one or two lenders pulling your report. This will not seriously affect your current credit score. It will, however, allow your mortgage lender to give you an honest interest rate and loan program offer.
To avoid unpleasant surprises, check your own credit score BEFORE you get serious about a mortgage loan. You are allowed to obtain a free report every year, so take advantage of this feature. Even if it's not as high as you'd like, at worst, you'll have an idea of where you stand. This will help your mortgage company find the best loan and interest rate for you. Don't forget, even if you get your report, your lender will still have to get their own. This will not negatively affect your credit score. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63462 |
Taliesin Jaffe and Patrick Seitz.
(2011-01-06 22:04:26)
Photos by Chaz Boston Baden.
Previous: Tadao Tomomatsu.Back to Anime Los Angeles 7 part 27: Setup (06/07-Jan-2011)Next: Taliesin Jaffe and Patrick Seitz.
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63467 | Breaking Dads Ep 60: Fieldtrips
Breaking Dads Logo
This episode Jeff and James talk the chaos and joy of fieldtrips.
(duration: 23min)
This episode brought to you by dads voted Fieldtrip Authoritarians of the Year 5 years running.
Like what we're doing here? Let someone else know! |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63477 | Sermons on Honoring all Life
49 - Ki Tetzei
#49 Torah Parashah Ki Tetzei
For Shabbat of September 14th, 2019 Torah: Deuteronomy 21:10–25:19 Haftarah: Isaiah 54:1-10 Ki Tetzei (כִּי־תֵצֵא)— Hebrew for “when you go,” the first words in the parashah) is the 49th weekly Torah portion (פָּרָשָׁה, parashah) in the annual Jewish cycle of Torah reading and the sixth in the Book of Deuteronomy. It covers Deuteronomy 21:10–25:19. Torah Parsha Ki Tetzei Summary Deuteronomy 21:10–25:19 This Torah Portion focuses on… |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63478 | Academic Writing
Information and resources about academic writing
What Is Academic Writing?
Academic writing (also known as scholarly writing) is the kind of writing that teachers generally expect students to use when writing essays and reports because it’s the standard used in institutions of higher learning. The characteristics of academic writing include the following:
• A certain degree of formality (colloquial language, especially slang, is usually avoided)
• A generally detached and rational tone and style
• The use of reason-based argumentation
• Specific standards for formatting and citation of sources (e.g., MLA and APA)
Many of the resources in the Grammar, Literature, and Writing sections of Camilla’s English Page are appropriate for students seeking to improve their academic writing skills because they are based on the grammar and usage of (American) Standard English, and they include topics and skills such as literary and rhetorical analysis, vocabulary building, and essay writing.
Academic Writing Resources
The Academic Writing section of Purdue University’s Online Writing Lab (OWL) has useful information about the standards and practices used in writing in an academic context. Topics include argumentation, essay writing, using appropriate language, and e-mail etiquette.
In writing anything that involves references to information from specific sources, you’ll need to cite those sources and format your piece according to a specific academic standard. The most widely used standard for writing dealing with the humanities (e.g., literature, philosophy, history) is the Modern Language Association (MLA) format. The Associated Press (AP) style is widely used by journalists. Other popular standards include the American Psychological Association (APA) format, used in science writing, and the Chicago Manual of Style format.
OWL has a number of helpful pages devoted to helping students follow these formats, starting with the Research and Citation Resources page, which introduces these formats (with links to further information) and includes a widget to help you cite a specific source in the correct MLA or APA format. OWL also has resources devoted to explaining the details of MLA style, the style most likely to be relevant to users of Camilla’s English Page.
Harvard University’s Harvard College Writing Center features a helpful (and fairly advanced) Strategies for Essay Writing section that takes you through the process of writing an essay, with specific advice covering each step of the process. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63494 | Chill with a Book Awards for Independent Authors
Tuesday, 10 December 2019
The Man Behind The Marathons by Elaine Cougler
The Man Behind The Marathons
Chill with a Book READERS’ Award
When Ron Calhoun was born in 1933 no one guessed where his incredible life would take him. Growing up on a farm during the Great Depression and World War II, Ron learned early the lesson of helping others. His grandfather opened his root cellar full of the family’s farm-grown vegetables to hungry neighbours, with no money needed in return. Ron became a volunteer in many organizations over the years, starting the Ladies Great Ride For Cancer and becoming the National Special Events Chair for the Canadian Cancer Society. He is most famous for being the man behind the Terry Fox Marathon of Hope; indeed, he developed that iconic phrase.Fighting his own personal demons as the years went on, Ron managed to make his considerable mark as the man behind Steve Fonyo’s Journey for Lives, Ken McColm’s Incredible Journey, and John and Jesse Davidson’s Jesse’s Journey. This is the story of how one man truly can make a difference.
Approx pages: 169
The Man Behind The Marathons was read and evaluated by Chill's readers against the following...
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1 comment:
1. Thanks so much, Chill, for giving this attention to this book about several remarkable human beings! |
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Report providing an overview of the prevalence of hospitalization of seniors due to adverse drug reactions and related risk factors. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63514 |
by Peter Moskos
June 30, 2011
New York closes seven prisons
This is noteworthy in its rarity. Keep in mind that New York is one of the few states that has de-carcertaed over that past decades (and no, crime has not gone up).
Notice too how most of the article is about jobs and the economy, not crime.
Notably, Mr. Cuomo spared several large prisons in the northernmost section of the state, where lawmakers had warned of possible economic ruin if the prisons were closed, and he did not shut down any maximum-security prisons, which have no surplus of beds.
Over all, the closings will allow the prison system, which currently houses about 56,000 inmates, to shed about 3,800 of its 64,000 beds.
The governor’s office said closing the seven prisons, which together operate at about 70 percent capacity, and moving the inmates to other facilities would save $184 million over the next two years.
Today on CNN
Me. At 2:45pm Eastern Time. Stream Team with Fredricka Whitfield. A mega 5-minute segment.
John McAndrew Sr.
Western District Officer McAndrew retires after 50 years of service. From the Sun:
He had no idea that he would carry this passion for 50 years of service. Asked how many police commissioners he had served under, McAndrew smiled, and said: Everyone.
(anybody know his sequence number!?)
"Real Men Get Their Facts Straight"
June 28, 2011
But this guy seems truly delusional. From The Week:
What world is he living in?
According to the Star Tribune:
Research Methods
"Come now, E.B.! It's time for us to venture out and continue our study of early 21st century society..."
"Aww. Can't we just stay in and do our research online?"
"I'm afraid not... to truly understand a people and culture, we must walk among them! Document their daily routines and observe them in direct face to fact interactions."
Fine advice from Jim Meddick's excellent Monty.
Retribution on Bernie Madoff
The New York Times has an article about the absurd sentence (150 years) Madoff received. Why is absurd? Not because he doesn't deserve it. It's absurd because Madoff was then 71 years old! Seems to me a good defense of flogging:
“I’m surprised Chin didn’t suggest stoning in the public square,” [Madoff said].
Judge Chin noted in the interviews that 20 or 25 years would have effectively been a life sentence for Mr. Madoff, and any additional years would have been purely symbolic. Yet symbolism was important, he said, given the enormity of Mr. Madoff’s crimes.
But he decided that a term of 150 years would send a loud and decisive message. He felt that Mr. Madoff’s “conduct was so egregious,” he said, “that I should do everything I possibly could to punish him.”
By the time Judge Chin entered his chambers on the morning of Monday, June 29, he had decided what his draft was missing, he said. In explaining how the 150-year sentence was symbolically important, he had neglected to include a third, crucial reason: retribution.
A defendant should get his just deserts,” Judge Chin remembers thinking.
Judge Chin read his passage on retribution, which, after the length of the sentence itself, appeared to have the greatest impact. In the headlines and news accounts that followed, the words “extraordinarily evil” seemed to be everywhere.
No rehab. No bettering of the soul. Punishment.
In New York, a 150-year sentence would, should Madoff live to be 221-years old, cost me and other good citizens of the Empire State more than $7 million. There has got to be a better way.
Don't "Come Here!"
One cop I worked with would constantly get into foot pursuits. For the rest of us, it was kind of annoying, especially for those of us who hated running. What frustrated me was that these pursuits were entirely preventable. The problem was this officer would see a kid he wanted to stop and say, "Come here!" Naturally, not being a fool, the kid would take off running.
If I wanted to stop somebody, I would calmly walk right up to him and grab him. If I wanted to talk to someone, I would politely ask, "Can I talk to you for a second?" and lead him away from his friends. I can't remember these tactics ever failing.
Here is some good tactical police advice from, of all places, Mother Jones:
Consider why barking the command "Come here!" doesn't really work. Thompson explains in his article,
You have just warned the subject that he is in trouble. "Come here" means to you, "Over here, you are under my authority." But to the subject it means, "Go away—quickly!" The words are not tactical for they have provided a warning and possibly precipitated a chase that would not have been necessary had you, instead, walked casually in his direction and once close said, "Excuse me. Could I chat with [you] momentarily?" Notice this question is polite, professional, and calm.
And it works.
June 27, 2011
"Whoop whoop whoop"
That's the bullshit detector going off after seeing this:
Expert: 40,000 - 50,000 slaves currently in U.S.
How much you wanna bet he just made up that number?
Have we forgotten what slavery was?
You live a jackass, you die a jackass
"Police: 'Jackass' star Ryan Dunn was drunk and driving over 132 mph."
I guess it's not surprising. But it is sad. I love Jackass!
Kill Kill Kill (part 2)
The decision just seems to be just a general free-speech issue. They compare video games to books:
Just because there's a new media doesn't mean there's a new exception to be carved out of the 1st Amendment. I like our Court in general on 1st-Amendment issues. It's all too rare to see the government limiting the power of the government (unlike, say, in cases involving the 4th Amendment). Here's what I think is the meat of the Court's decision:
But I still don't understand why nudity is worse than violence. For speech to be banned, it needs to be obscene. But I don't follow this logic:
Why is violence somehow less obscene than, say, a naked woman?
But the best part of the decision? This attack, in a footnote, directed at the court's worst justice:
Our point is not, as JUSTICE THOMAS believes, merely that such laws are “undesirable.”... Such laws do not enforce parental authority over children’s speech and religion; they impose governmental authority.
This argument is not, as JUSTICE THOMAS asserts, “circular.” It is the absence of any historical warrant or compelling justification for such restrictions, not our ipse dixit, that renders them invalid.
Damn, yo! This is a full-on Supreme Court Smackdown! (And now I gotta look up ipse dixit.) Why didn't Scalia just straight up call Thomas an idiot? Oh, wait, he did.
I also like that Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books are now officially enshrined in constitutional law (I admit: I "turned back." Didn't we all?). Says the Court: "All literature is interactive."
And Scalia, who lives up to his reputation as the liveliest writer on the bench, has one final dis for one those idiotic over-reaching psychological studies:
Three Cheers for Chicago Police Supt. McCarthy
Here's the story with the video.
Here's the story about the inevitable backlash to anybody who talks about the harms that guns cause to people in our cities. They tend to be ad hominem.
Kudos for not being afraid to talk about race. Yes folks, racism used to not only be legal, but mandatory. And yes folks, that still matters. Even today. Even with a black president. Even if you're sick of hearing about it. And no folks, bringing this up does not excuse crime. Nor does it mean you're a racist.
Shall we continue?
From the Sun Times:
McCarthy went on to say that in the debate about gun control, there has to be “a recognition of who’s paying the price for gun manufacturers being rich and living in gated communities.”
“She was caribou-hunting and talking about the right to bear arms,” McCarthy said. “Why wasn’t she at the crime scene with me?”
P.S. I've met McCarthy at John Jay College. I like McCarthy... But, chief, you know it's wrong to be stepping on casings at a crime scene. You shouldn't be there messing up the crime scene in the first place! (But maybe he was speaking figuratively.)
History of bike cops in NYC?
I got this query and and would be curious to learn the answer:
I'm working on a story on the history of police riding bikes in New York City.... I'm looking to explore when the NYPD used bikes as transportation, why they did, and how their utilization has changed over time as policing strategies/ideologies have shifted.
Let's see how good this new-fangled media thing really is.
Feel free to comment or email Noah Kazis directly.
Pic credit: Shorpy.
Kill kill kill
If the state can censor sex from the eyes of children, why can it not censer violence? Isn't sex better than violence? It certainly is more fun.
I guess I'll have to read the Supreme Court's decision...
And consider this: perhaps the more violent video games of the past few decades have actually contributed to the drop in crime. I'm not saying it has, but it's a hypothesis I'd be very willing to consider.
$90 Billion and Counting...
Crime & Justice News reports on this story:
As Congress debates border-security funding and as governors demand more assistance, the Associated Press investigated what taxpayers spend securing the U.S.-Mexico border. Using White House budgets, reports obtained through Freedom of Information Act requests, and congressional transcripts, the tally is $90 billion in 10 years. For taxpayers footing the bill, the returns have been mixed: fewer illegal immigrants but little impact on terrorism, and certainly no halt to the drug supply.
A Q & A
In the Crime Report:
The Crime Report: A lot of people have compared your book to Jonathan Swift’s essay, “A Modest Proposal.” But Swift’s work was pure satire, where yours is an honest look at a possible alternative punishment. Does the comparison frustrate you, or is it apt?
Peter Moskos:
Neither. I like the comparison. True, I don’t think Swift was really proposing eating babies; (while) I am seriously proposing giving the choice of being flogged. But I do see the book primarily as a thought experiment, having a little intellectual fun. In that sense, I think it is somewhat like “A Modest Proposal.” My book isn’t a satire, but I am trying to address real issues and be a bit provocative. So it’s not a crazy analogy.
The Right Choice
I like this line from Time Magazine:
June 26, 2011
NYPD Officer Samuel Battle
The Times has a story about Samuel Battle, one of New York's first black police officers.
But what is really interesting is his oral history. In his own words. "They had riots. Many riots." Worth a read:
The Brotherhood Ride
Cops and bicycles and a good cause... what's not to like?
In Defense of Introversion
In the New York Times today, there's an article extolling the benefits of introversion. I love reading pieces like this, which make it clear that introversion is a personality trait and not a medical problem that needs to be "cured" or treated with drugs.
My understanding of introversion began after I realized that being introverted is not the same as being shy. Rather, and more simply, introversion is simply the opposite of being an extrovert. This came to me in a great moment of self-realization after picking up a copy of Marti Laney's The Introvert Advantage that was lying around the house (my wife is more introverted than I am). I am not shy and have no fear of public speaking, yet I positively dislike mingling with strangers at parties and usually find extroverts extremely tiring. It turns out I am in introvert. This was news to me. But then it all made sense.
So I got thinking about the nature of introversion (which is in itself a very introverted reaction) and decided (conveniently) that being an introvert is better for academic participant-observation research. Why? The Times article puts it like this:
[Introverts] notice more things in general.... [and] tend to digest information thoroughly, stay on task, and work accurately ... even though their I.Q. scores are no higher than those of extroverts.
This comes from my chapter, "In Defense of Doing Nothing: The Methodological Utility of Introversion” which was recently published in New Directions in Sociology: Essays on Theory and Methodology in the 21st Century:
My goal is to introduce the psychological concept of introversion into the sociological world.
The interpersonal nature of qualitative research and the perceived “action” of participant-observation research may perpetuate a belief that extroversion is a good quality for ethnographers. In fact, nothing is further from the truth.
If you’ve ever seen a group of ethnographers party, you may be struck by a general sense that we may not have been the most popular kids in high school. Despite what is often a very lively style of writing, ethnographers can be be soft-spoken and introverted. Now don’t get me wrong: As a group, we ethnographers are hardly the dorkiest in school (a few other academic disciplines spring to mind, but for politics’ sake I’ll refrain.).
Certainly qualitative researchers must have basic social skills, but let’s be honest, no prom king or queen ever went on to write an ethnography. As a group, almost by definition, academics are nerds. We like the library. We don’t mind being alone. We walk down the street reading. We thrive in small groups and intellectual conversations. And yet mingling and making small talk with strangers is tiresome at best or frightening at worst.
Without a clear function in a social setting, the introvert’s natural reaction is to withdraw and become silent. While this may be a problem at the annual Christmas party, it can come in handy for the researcher.
With a greater understanding of introversion, I hope sociologists can take advantage of psychological traits that come naturally to many already in the field.
Are you an introvert? You can take this self assessment for introverts. I scored 21 out of 29 (which makes me a moderate introvert).
June 25, 2011
"I mean this in the most flattering way..."
A friend and former roommate writes:
By the way, and I mean this in the most flattering way - In Defense of Flogging: great toilet read!
Coming from him, I know it is a sincere compliment.
He says he's averaging 10 pages a day, not that I asked, and not that he used the word "day."
June 24, 2011
The $35,800 dinner
If you have $35,800 to casually drop on dinner, you have too much money. Rich Democrats should be taxed more, too.
More productive uses of $35,800? How about paying the tuition of seven students for a year of study at my public university.
Obama's dinner also cost me $12, because I had to hop off a bus and take a cab because traffic wasn't moving on 57th Street. On the plus side, I had a most enjoyable ride with what might be the last smart-talking NYC-born cabdriver in the city! Deep down, I'm pretty sure he was Ernest Borgnine.
God Bless The Economist
For their review:
Imagine that you--or, if you prefer, a younger, more reckless version of you--committed a crime.
“We build prisons for people we’re afraid of and fill them with people we’re mad at.”
Brutal and archaic it may be, but Mr Moskos convincingly argues that America’s prison system is at least as inhumane.
Now will you buy my book?
June 23, 2011
Man Robs Bank of $1 and Waits for Police...
In an attempt to get health care. What a country!
I am curious to see how this will play out. He probably won't be sentenced to the three years he wants. Will he then commit more crime?
And he might disappointed about the quality of health care in prison. But it is better than nothing.
Buy my book, damnit!
If you're reading this, you're in the good company of about 400 others.
If you're reading this, you probably have at least some interest in what I write.
But here's the thing, if you're reading this, you probably have not bought my book, In Defense of Flogging.
Yeah, I'm calling you out. How, you may ask, do I know you haven't bought my book? Because according to BookScan, my book hasn't sold 200 copies! Last week my book seems to have sold, get this, 30 actual physical copies. You know what makes it worse, I bought 20 of them!
So do your part and buy my book. If not, I don't know, you'll have to read more posts like this.
[p.s. If you're in Canada or bought an electronic version, you're off the hook. These don't count in the total.]
Whitey Bulger nabbed!
How about that? Maybe that guy in 1996 at the Abbey Lounge in Somerville wasn't him after all.
The Times article leaves out the details regarding his relationship with his younger brother, who was a long time state representative and then President of of the University of Massachusetts.
If my older brother was on the lam, I wouldn't rat him out, either.
And note this from the LA Times:
Gosh, a "ruse"! What a novel way to apprehend a criminal suspect.
I'm guessing it went something like this, "Hello... UPS... What?... No, I need your signature."
"Arrested without incident"? Whatever. Seems like they wasted a good opportunity to suit up, bust down some doors, and send in a SWAT team for no good reason.
[p.s.: He lived a block or two from my mom in Santa Monica!]
Geert Wilders is a Prick
But his acquittal in Dutch court is an important victory for free speech in the Netherlands.
As a side note, the Dutch legal system has some peculiarities from an American perspective, and not just the fact that somebody can be tried for what they say:
The verdict had been expected as prosecutors themselves had called for his acquittal, arguing that the statements were directed “against a religion as such and not against individual persons or a group of people.”
Under the case law... it was not possible to convict him....But the Muslim organizations that brought the case won a Court of Appeal ruling that it should go ahead over the objections of the prosecution.
The complainants had little ground for appealing the case: “In our system, only the prosecution can appeal a judgment,” and that is “highly unlikely.”
June 22, 2011
These *were* a few of my favorite things
These are a few of my favorite things...
I stumbled across an Asian grocery store in The Bronx that had some of the feistiest crabs I've seen a while. Decent sized, too (for New York). I bought six. I was tempted to let one loose on the subway home, but I resisted. But a good eye would have seen some some of the claws poking through the bag.
Come here, my pretties...
[I have Old Bay... too bad I don't have rock salt]
There's a hole in your boat!
This is good news for Republicans, supply-siders, and those who like to stick their ideological economic heads in the sand: the rich are getting richer. The top 0.1 percent of the population (those making about $1.7 million or more) now have an average income of $5.6 million per year. This is a 385% increase since 1970 (inflation adjusted).
Think of all the jobs the rich people must create! Think of the rising tide, which raises all boats! You do understand how the tide works, right? Except for the fact it's a pretty shitty analogy when applied to the economy.
The bottom 90%? The 137 million rest of us (my income happens to be in the 89th percentile--personally, I'm doing just fine)? Our income decreased 1% since 1970. The average income for 90% of Americans: $31,244.
You might think this is fair. Capitalism at its finest. But it's not. You see, it's easier to make money when you have money. Because then you can charge rent (literally and figuratively). Because then you can lobby (ie: bribe) politicians to have the system give you more money. Because you can create virtual monopolies. Just cause it's (barely) legal doesn't make it right.
You see, the system? It ain't on the level. I think of Paddy "Chicago Ain't Ready For Reform" Bauler's other line: "Them guys in the black suits and narrow ties, them Ivy-League types, them goo-goos - they think the whole thing is on the square." Except these days it's not the Ivy-League types who think that. It's too many of the rest of us who have been deceived. It's people who, despite all the evidence to the contrary, buy the crazy idea that tax breaks for the rich benefit the rest of us.
It's no surprise that the rich look out for their own self-interests. But the rest of us don't have to help them! For starters, we have to put words and concepts like "income redistribution" are taboo. There is nothing "communist" about progressive taxation. And there is much evidence to support the idea higher taxes on the rich benefits all of society. And that even benefits the rich.
June 21, 2011
The Elusive Search for "Mr. Kingpin"
"Not enough room to swing a cat"
I just received an email with a subject line that baffled me: "Enough room to swing a cat." I've actually heard that absurd expression, which as far as I knew, came (at least in print) from Mark Twain. I was introduced to the phrase by a Russian translator in Moscow circa 1991 who liked to show off his learned "colloquial" English skills. Once, standing in cramped quarters, he proudly said, "There is not enough room to swing a cat."
He was baffled that we had no clue what he was talking about. Ever since, I have chuckled at the image of a class of English-learning Russian students who repeat, in unison, and with thick Russian accents: "Not enough room to swing a cat."
Well Peter Dodenhoff, a colleague at John Jay College, was nice enough to school me (schooling is, after all, what what we professors like to do):
In the days of Rule Britannia, as I suspect you’re familiar, discipline was maintained on board by the use of the cat o’ nine tails. When floggings were called for, they were carried out on deck, for two reasons: This way they would be public events that served as a warning to others, and also the cramped spaces below deck did not provide “enough room to swing a cat.” That cat, of course, was the cat o’ nine tails.
Cool stuff, eh?
That is cool stuff. And no, I never put two and two together to realize the link between the expression and flogging. I always pictured a real cat, which makes the expression all the more bizarre, especially when said with a thick Russian accent.
I became aware of the the naval history of flogging only in response to my article in the Chronicle of Higher Education (which was kind of my book's public "coming out"). So it didn't make it into my book, which is a shame, as it would have fit in perfectly.
The Navy also liked flogging because it didn't take an essential seaman out of commission by throwing him in the brig. If you weren't needed, you wouldn't have been on the ship in the first place! I like to think there is a good analogy here vis-à-vis all of us and why we shouldn't throw people in society's brig.
Drug Dealers vs. Business
[I just stumbled across this post from 2008 and rather liked it (if I do say so myself). I don't really remember writing it. And since I don't remember writing it, I figure you don't remember reading it! So here it is again:]
A liquor store in Baltimore is being forced to close because a man was killed there and drug dealers congregate. I'm of mixed feelings. Liquor stores in the ghetto are hardly the most sympathetic businesses. But if they were all shut down, it's not like the neighborhood's problems would suddenly disappear.
It's a shame there aren't more locally run business in the ghetto. In many ways, the Eastern District is typical. Here's a quick, perhaps inaccurate, and certainly unpolitically correct history of business life in the Eastern.
In the old days, or so I hear, many of the local businesses were run by Jewish people. At least that's how the story is told on the street. Were they exploitive? Some think so. But, no, I don't. Are all businesses exploitative? I don't think so. Many of these Jews had grownup in the neighborhood. Many had stayed in the neighborhood when other whites fled. Yes, they were there to make money. But they also spoke English and hired locals to work in their stores. In hindsight, these were the good old days.
After the riots in the late 1960s, many of these store owners felt betrayed by the anger, left broke by the destruction, and realized that a little profit wasn't worth their life. A lot of businesses packed up or closed for good.
Over the next 30 years, more businesses closed. And not an insignificant number of these after the owner got killed in a robbery.
Today there's not much left. Monument St is still filled with stores. And there's a excellent (black owned) produce store that deserves special mention (Leon's Produce, 1001 N. Washington St.).
Other stores include laundromats, bars, Chinese takeout (called "yakamee" in Baltimore), and corner stores. The corner stores are now mostly run by Koreans (who are still referred to as "Chinamen"). If the store owners can't afford a home in the suburbs, they may they live upstairs, in a sort of a castle-like fortress setup.
I can see the causes for resentment on both sides. At it's worst, think L.A. riots and Koreans guarding their stores with guns. The store owners sit all day behind plexiglas selling overpriced crap. Many don't speak English. Most hate their customers. And because they're behind glass and won't come out, they can't control what goes on in the lobby of their own store. And unlike the old days, these store owners, by and large, couldn't care less about the well being of the neighborhood. Still, and this is important to remember, the bigger problem in the neighborhood is too few stores, not bad store owners. Besides it's not easy to run a business in the ghetto. That's why so few people do it. I wouldn't. If running a store in the ghetto were such an easy way to make money, why don't you do it?
Now I don't know Mr. Yim, the owner of the closed liquor store. But my guess is 1) he felt helpless to control what went on in and around his store, 2) he was helpless to control what went on in and around his store, and 3) he didn't really care as long as his 1,000 daily customers kept giving him money so he and his family could survive.
From the story: "More than 300 residents signed a petition in the spring asking the city liquor board not to renew the store's license.... 'With those doors locked, [the drug dealers] don't have a place to hide anymore.'"
But here's the problem: with the doors locked, the drug dealers will still have places to hide. Drug dealers don't want legitimate stores. Business owners are a pain in their ass. Business don't want drug dealers scaring customers. Businesses call police... until eventually the business owner gives up.
For drug dealers, a vacant building is better for business than a store. Vacants don't attract people who don't want to buy drugs. Vacants don't call police. Vacants are good places to hide your stash. You can run away from police through a vacant. You can party and fuck your girl in a vacant.
I was friends with a local man man who ran a corner laundromat. From behind the glass we'd drink coffee and talk about politics and race and I'd chuckle at the junkies who came in and paid 50 cents for a cup of sugar with a little coffee. The owner believed he was doing good. He was. If he closed, how would the old people on the block do their laundry? He was right. He also closed around 2pm because it was too dangerous after that.
His corner was a bad drug corner. The worst we had in Sector 2. And that's saying a lot. For a while he called police because of drug dealing on his corner. When police pulled up, the dealers would run into his store (and cause trouble). After a while, police became convinced that he was a drug dealer. Because whenever police pulled up, there were drug dealers in his store. There's a certain logic to that, except it's wrong.
As much as I can guarantee anything, I can guarantee that this man was not dealing drugs. But what was he to do? He stopped calling police and continued to yell at dealers when they came in his store. There's nothing the dealers would have liked more than him closing for good. And that's why it's sad whenever a business closes. Every time a store closes, the drug dealers win. And by and large, the drug dealers have been winning a lot.
June 18, 2011
The Voices Grow Louder: End the Drug War
Jimmy Carter writes in the New York Times.
And Cook County Board President Toni Preckwinkle tells it like it is. And before you dismiss a Cook County Board President, consider that Cook County (Chicago) is larger than some 30 states. And in the article there are some very good words from the new Chicago Police Superintendent, Garry McCarthy (whom I've been impressed with when I've heard him speak at John Jay College):
“It becomes the issue of mass incarceration,” he said during an interview.... “There is an issue here. And law enforcement has gotten this wrong. Narcotics use is a criminalized social issue. It causes crime. Drug dealers get into violent disputes over turf. It’s about the money.”
He added: “It’s been so twisted up that law enforcement looks at narcotics as the crime, when it’s not. It’s the cause of the crime. So, we’ve had this wrong for a long time in law enforcement.”
June 17, 2011
Perpetual Peonage?
“I crave felicity.... I’m in a state of peonage that seems perpetual.”
Whoa. Is this really how outlaw cowboys talk? Who doesn't crave felicity? I've just never put it quite like that.
Just another day at the office...
Shooting don't get much more "good" than this one in Texas.
June 16, 2011
Moskos is 1 and 0!
And he has a 0.79 ERA in 13 games! Moskos is young, but damn good. Daniel Moskos, that is (no relation).
Anti-Union B.S.
Thanks to the good people at Target for the video explaining just how bad unions would be for their "team members."
[You know, if Target really considers me their "guest," how come nobody ever offers me a drink? They're not being a very good host.]
You should watch the video. It's shocking the way those "union businesses" exploit their workers! "With a union, you no longer have your own voice.... Somebody else will do your talking for you." The horrors! (yes, I'm being sarcastic)
Starting salary at Target comes out to around $25,000 a year. But don't worry, if you have a family, you make so little the government will have to kick in some earned income tax credit!
I remember when I went through waiter job training with Lettuce Entertain You in Chicago (Papagus on State Street, which did have excellent food). This was back in maybe 1993.
I remember being told, "At Lettuce Entertain You restaurants, you don't need a union." That was awfully nice of management to tell me. I would think how great my union-free life was whenever I was cut at lunch after doing a few hours of opening sidework and tipping out money I never made. (What? Was I not going to give the hard-working Mexican coffee guy his $2 just because I didn't make any?) And then, if I still had any money in my pocket, on my hour-long L ride home, I could celebrate my union-free freedom!
Seriously, though, who can put a monetary value on the ability to flambé a delicious saganiki while yelling, "Opa!"?
[Update: There was a unionization vote at a Target store in New York State. The workers voted against the union.]
Canadian Riots
There's video of two police cars being torched in Vancouver.
Looters have never been known for their discerning literary tastes.
June 15, 2011
In lieu of prison, bring back the lash
I have an op-ed in the Washington Post:
Read the whole article here.
Narcotics Officer Says End War On Drugs
Neill Franklin was my commanding officer when I graduated from the police academy. Now we're co-authors and friends. Here, on WBAL, he talks about ending the drug war.
You can also read a good article about Neill Franklin in The Fix.
June 13, 2011
Five Year, or Ten Lashes?
Josh Rothman writes in the Boston Globe:
His book is, as promised, a well-reasoned defense of flogging. It's also an attack upon the penal system.
It's hard to say how serious Moskos is being (though my money is on "pretty serious"). Even if you aren't convinced that flogging is the future, though, Moskos' deeper argument is still compelling.
India Seeks a Good Hangman
There's a story about this in the New York Times. But what struck me was this:
Today, even prison officials encourage death row inmates to draft appeals. “At times, we also help the person draft the petition,” said K.V. Reddy, president of the All-India Prison Officers Association, who opposes capital punishment. “Normally, everybody sympathizes with a person who has spent a number of years in prison.”
June 11, 2011
Oh, Canada
Macleans, the Canadian news magazine, has a great article and Q&A with me. There's some very good new material here, even if you think you're heard everything I have to say about In Defense of Flogging. What is it about the Canadians? Why are their articles smarter and more insightful than ours? And they are awfully nice people. I mean, there must be some bad Canadians out there, but I've never met one.
They also have health care, a homicide rate that is a fraction of ours, and many fewer people in prison. (Though, as I learned in the interview, they might be about to go on a US-inspired prison building boom.)
June 10, 2011
A Sixth Season of The Wire...
...As soon as the Department of Justice is "ready to reconsider and address its continuing prosecution of our misguided, destructive and dehumanising drug prohibition."
Irrelevant academic research
By journalist Mara Hvistendahl in the Chronicle of Higher Education:
I turned to academic papers because I wanted to do more than throw back a fleeting image.
But scholars are haunted by their own demons. I recently polled a few journalist friends, asking them how often they rely on academic research, and how useful and accessible they find that information. David Biello, environment editor at Scientific American, said he felt spoiled with information, particularly on the subject of climate change. But several others described being led astray by studies that turned out to be immaterial or steeped in opaque discourse. Adam Minter, a journalist covering the recycling trade who is writing the forthcoming Wasted: Inside the Multi-Billion Dollar Trade in American Trash, told me via e-mail that while there is a growing body of work on his topic, "The material is outdated, oriented toward creating new types of jargon totally irrelevant and indecipherable to the industry that I cover, and rarely concerned with primary source material."
Beginning in the 1970s, academe became increasingly specialized. That, especially in the social sciences, the reward structure worked against accessibility: Tenure hung on publishing in peer-reviewed journals or with university presses, while more-popular work went largely uncompensated. ..."To parody it, the fewer the number of people who could and would read your work, the more sophisticated it must be."
"Honestly, but unreasonably"
Street Justice
Justin Fenton has a good article describing a killing and a revenge killing in Baltimore. It doesn't provide the answers, but it does help clarify the picture as to why things are so damn F-ed up.
June 9, 2011
U.S. can't justify its drug war spending, reports say
But what gives this report a little twist is that it comes from the U.S. Government. Despite the obvious, "Obama administration officials strongly deny that U.S. efforts have failed to reduce drug production or smuggling in Latin America." What is it about being President that makes one keep fighting a failed drug war?
From the LA Times.
A step toward crack/power cocaine sentencing parity...
...but not is the way I wanted. From the Washington Post:
The Supreme Court has unanimously upheld a 10-year prison sentence for cocaine possession, rejecting a claim that harsh penalties in federal law apply only to crack cocaine.
June 8, 2011
Don't bash the 'stache
It's weird there is such a thing as a "cop mustache." Most cops don't have them. But some do. From 10-66, Unusual Incident.
Defense of Flogging
After 15 (count 'em) radio interviews today, I have one tomorrow on Virtually Speaking with Jay Ackroyd.
Thursday, June 9, 2011, 9:00PM, New York time.
I mention this because
1) He asked me to.
And 2) it will also be done on Second Life. I like to think I'm tech savvy, but I'm a little confused by the concept. But the software is on my computer and I am a quick learner.
Update: OK. I've learned a bit, thanks to a kind personalized walk-through. I bought some shoes and, er, skin. I also ditched the tie.
To just listen to the interview, this is the url for BlogTalkRadio: http://bit.ly/kaVliS.
But here's what it looks like in Second Life, which is much cooler.
Here's me chillin', thinking, "we'll never fill this barn."
And me, making sure the seat is comfortable.
See you tomorrow!
More Info:
From within Second Life, you can use this url.
And if the rest makes sense, good on ya'. And no, I do not offer tech support.
Join the conversation with IRC (internet relay chat) Simple!
2. Give yourself a name.
3. Enter #vspeak into the channel field.
6. Begin your question with 'QUESTION' so it's easy for the host to spot. and/or:
Join the Studio Audience in Second Life
1. Download a Phoenix viewer: http://www.phoenixviewer.com/downloads.php
2. Create a free account @ secondlife.com (pass on their viewer)
3. Orientation: learn to drive your avatar. Type the link into chat, select enter then double click: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Virtual%20Ability/128/128/23
4. Use SL search to find and join two groups: Virtually Speaking and Phoenix Viewer Support. Find and use the orientation at Virtual Ability Island.
Just for the record...
I never liked Anthony "I'm going to tear our your f*cking bike lanes" Weiner. Normally I try and save my schadenfreude for hypocritical Republicans... but I'm happy Weiner won't be my mayor. (Though I do hope Democrats keep his seat.)
Why is it too much to ask politicians to have the common sense of, say, me? Honestly, that's not setting the bar too high.
And this just in: his wife is pregnant. And this, supposedly, is how that works.
Welcome Home, Dear!
My wife is out of town. I think for her return I'll surprise her with a slightly used Mexican car. I'm sure she'll love me more than ever. No doubt. The problem is that parking around here can be a real bitch.
Just when you think you've heard it all...
...The Department of Education comes with a SWAT team to bust down your door for an unpaid student loan(?). The Federal Department of Education?! Why do they have a SWAT team? For a student loan?! And, oh, yeah, turns out the woman they wanted wasn't there.
I'm thinking there must be more to this story... Man, I hope so. If this was a search warrant, you know, what were they searching for? I'm just trying to think out loud here. But of course, there may not be more to this story.
I always thought it was mean and petty to make a person pay for a door, after police bust it down. Especially if the person with no door isn't the person you're looking for.
I like how the guy says, "The hole is the least of my worries!" "They busted down my door for this," Wright said. "It wasn't even me!" No, it wasn't. But this is us.
[Update: here's a working link. And we'll see where this story goes. Wherever it goes, you'll never hear me badmouthing the Office of the Inspector General, whoever you are. No sir, you Department of Health & Human Services people are some bad boys!]
Oops, I think this is what I meant (thank you, commenter).
[thanks to Marc]
June 5, 2011
The Virgin king
An interview with Richard Branson about drugs. In the Guardian: "I've seen the war on drugs and I've not been impressed." That must be what they call classic British understatement.
"I'm the sort of person who is extreme at anything they do. I'm therefore careful not to overindulge." He has admitted to taking other drugs including cocaine and ecstasy in the past. The vast majority of people, himself included, can use drugs safely and occasionally, he says.
It's the sort of candour that doesn't play well with politicians, even in an age when the president of the US has openly admitted he has taken drugs, and that he even inhaled. Branson isn't expecting to convert David Cameron or any other politician overnight: "I talk to a lot of politicians and, individually, almost every single one of them knows that this is the right approach. They all are just terrified of the Daily Mail. If the Daily Mail changes its approach, the politicians will change their approach. If the Daily Mail don't, they won't." The situation is "sad" he says.
But the problem is that politicians use the war on drugs to score points off each other. "The opposite of war on drugs is soft on drugs in some people's minds," says Branson.
The same arguments hold true for prostitution, he says. Politicians don't want to say it, but if prostitution were decriminalised and brothels were safe places for sex workers and their clients, society would benefit.
From the UK
June 4, 2011
Real Prison Reform
Why not? It's cheaper. And more humane.
June 3, 2011
"As limp as it is dubious"
So says the Washington Times about my defense of flogging. Though I'd say overall it's neutral (to mildly negative).
The reviewer seems upset that the book is actually more about prison than flogging (but of course, that's the point) and also that I didn't convince her that flogging is the answer. Oh well.
Here's the full quote:
“Flogging” is intriguing, even in - or because of - its shocking premise. As a case against prisons, Mr. Moskos' is airtight; as for the case for flogging, it’s as limp as it is dubious.
Not so positive. A bit critical. But fair enough. It's not a bad review and certainly could be worse. And, as they say about publicity, at least they spelled my name right!
"How do you know it's mine?"
This must have been one of the easiest suspect-IDs in world history: Bangladeshi woman cuts off rapist’s penis and gives it to police.
Tasers safe on people who won't be tased
An NIJ report says Tasers are fine when used on "healthy, normal, nonstressed, nonintoxicated persons." Okaaaay...
[Thanks to The Agitator]
[Update: I just read the report. It is quite an unambiguous green-light for Taser use: "Law enforcement need not refrain from using CEDs to place uncooperative or combative subjects in custody." It's that "uncooperative" part I do not like. The report concludes: "CED use is associated with a significantly lower risk of injury than physical force, so it should be considered as an alternative in situations that would otherwise result in the application of physical force." But what about when the alternative is verbal persuasion? And isn't some risk of increased physical injury justified if it saves a life? An approximately 1 in 400 chance of serious injury or death are not odds I would want to play.
Here's the latest one. And Electronic Village keeps a pretty good list of Taser deaths. Or, should I say, people whose time happened to come coincidentally just a few moments after they happen to be Tasered.
I'll smoke to that
I just got this gem of a line from a police officer who just turned in his retirement papers: "This job is like cigarettes--hazardous to your health, addictive, and occasionally strangely satisfying."
June 2, 2011
Prison for life, as a free man
I received an email yesterday from Lorne Caplan, who gave me permission to republish it with attribution. I've edited it slightly:
As a former investment banker and having recently been freed from prison in 2007, I have to agree with much of what you said today. Most importantly, it is the culture of eternal punishment that has developed in this country.
My own situation suggest you are absolutely right to try to avoid prison, since once you have a felony on your record, it is like being branded for life. My own prospects for work have been essentially taken away by what I did and what the system continues to do, as Google can't seem to lower the references to my incarceration and conviction, and any company with an HR department won't even consider me.
As for qualifications, that is also funny, since I have been published in trade and consumer magazines, have the Masters, etc. It doesn't matter. It only makes me overqualified.
I am curious if you have run across organizations for white collar criminals that have found no support and a complete taking away of family (my children haven't had food on occasion because I can't find work, UPS won't hire me, McDonald's and so many others), friends, work prospects etc.... Yes, there should be consequences to peoples actions, but a lifetime of no prospects hurting family, children, etc? I don't think that is what the US population really would want.
I was first interrogated as a witness in 2002 and after 21 or so meetings with the FBI, a wire tap, and the usual threats to family, I heard nothing for 3 1/2 years, until one day they showed up at my ex-wife's door looking for me. The perp walk ensued, lawyers and their expensive (useless) defense, the pleading, sentencing, etc. And all the while, no work, income, devastation to the family, etc. I got out to no prospects, the joke of half-way house, and programs that are menial and insulting. All to say, almost 10 years into this and I am still suffering from the decisions and consequences. I don't believe those in industry understand that it isn't just a couple of years and some time playing tennis at a minimum security prison in the US. Your life will be destroyed, completely.
Probation for Baltimore Officers
These were the two officers who stranded two 15-year-olds far from their home. They were not the first officers to do this. They may be the last. (My earlier post.)
From the Sun:
[Judge] Doory said the fact that Johnson was left in Howard County without shoes "stood like a monument" in the middle of the case and remained inadequately explained. "What I don't understand is the 'why,'" Doory said. "I can only conclude that this was done for fun … or as homage to the legends of the good old boys, or was a convoluted attempt to teach someone respect."
Or perhaps all three.
While I admit this activity is awfully hard to defend, I'm still not convinced it's always wrong. Especially given the alternative of arrest, CBIF, going through the system, and a criminal record.
Like the espantoon, shooting at fleeing felons, drinking at the American Brewery, and "keying" up your radio, this venerable Baltimore police tradition is probably history.
Despite the judicial slap on the wrist, the officers still risk being fired. I say cut them some slack. If the powers that be don't want this to happen anymore, bang down hard if there's a next time.
Then and Now: NYC
New York City is certainly not immune to destructive urban "progress."
Here's a shot from Shorpy of Cortland Street from 1908.
Here's the view today:
But what's really interesting is what happens when you turn around. Back then, it would have looked much like the picture above. You were in the heart of what was known as "radio row." But they tore down that area for... The World Trade Center. Here's the view today (or really about a year ago):
A black man catching a cab in New York
The answer: three.
Poverty doesn't equal crime
James Q. Wilson writes some good stuff on crime in the Wall Street Journal. But this worries me:
Culture doesn't create a problem for social scientists like me. If social scientists can't deal with culture, who can? It's time for sociologists to step up to the plate. And it's time to take qualitative methods more seriously.
Breaking News: Global War on Drugs has Failed!!!
OK. That's not really news. But this report is kind of a big deal. So says the BBC, the "Global war on drugs has 'failed'." Imagine that. The panel included former UN Secretary General Kofi Annan, the former presidents of Mexico, Colombia, and Brazil, the former US Federal Reserve chairman Paul Volcker, the current Prime Minister of Greece, George Papandreou, former US Secretary of State George Schultz, and Virgin rich man Richard Branson. That's a heavy lineup.
The White House?
"The White House rejected the findings, saying the report was misguided." Thanks, Obama. Hope you enjoyed that blow when you were younger. And the fact you weren't arrested for it.
The BBC story is worth quoting at length:
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Web Control Templates Explained : Page 3
Programming for extensibility assures ease of maintainability in your design. Control templates offer this functionality to custom Web controls.
Adding to the Control Hierarchy
Now it's time to insert these template properties into the EmailContact control's control hierarchy. This control hierarchy includes all the child controls that make up the EmailContact control, including the heading and the "send" button.
The first thing I have to do is decide logically where I want these templates displayed. I did that already when I decided that I wanted the HeaderTemplate to display directly below the e-mail form's heading, and the FooterTemplate directly above the "send" button. But now I also have to decide where this will happen, physically in the code.
As I taught in previous articles, composite controls get their control hierarchy built in a method override called CreateChildControls. There, all the child controls get added to the Controls collection property as well as some literal text, typically in the form of HTML table code used to position the child controls. In the case of the EmailContact control, I built an HTML table in this method and inserted all the child controls in between table row tags. Here's an example of what this looks like:
With Me.Controls .Add(New LiteralControl("<table>")) .Add(New LiteralControl("<tr><td>")) .Add(lblHeading) .Add(New LiteralControl("</td></tr>")) .Add(New LiteralControl("<tr><td>")) .Add(ctlFromEmail) .Add(New LiteralControl("</td></tr>")) ... .Add(New LiteralControl("<tr><td>")) .Add(btnSend) .Add(New LiteralControl("</td></tr>")) .Add(New LiteralControl("</table>")) End With
So inserting my template properties will literally mean adding a couple of new rows to the table. However, you'll recall that I declared the template properties as type ITemplate and did not instantiate them. I told you that when the page developer uses my templates, they will get instantiated. I need to account for this not taking place by checking the template properties for null values. If they are not null (nothing), it means that the page developer has used them and I can add their contents to the control hierarchy. If the properties evaluate as null then the template does not contain anything on the form and I don't need to do anything with it.
So a condition check is the first thing I have to do before I add anything to the control hierarchy. Once this condition passes, I then have to create an instance of the container control I created earlier, TemplateItem. You've been taught in the past that a composite control's Controls collection contains all the control's children. These children are other Web controls, so the need for the TemplateItem container control is becoming more obvious.
Let's take a look at the code that inserts the HeaderTemplate into the EmailContact control's control hierarchy, and then I'll continue explaining it. I'm including some of the surrounding code so you get an idea of where I am inserting it.
.Add(lblHeading) .Add(New LiteralControl("</td></tr>")) If _HeaderTemplate IsNot Nothing Then Dim headerTemplateItem As TemplateItem = _ New TemplateItem headerTemplateItem.ID = "headerTemplateItem" _HeaderTemplate.InstantiateIn( _ headerTemplateItem) .Add(New LiteralControl("<tr><td>")) .Add(headerTemplateItem) .Add(New LiteralControl("</td></tr>")) End If .Add(New LiteralControl("<tr><td>")) .Add(ctlFromEmail)
Notice that first I'm creating an instance of the container control and setting its ID property. This is a common practice with any composite control's children which I taught you in my previous articles. The next thing you see is where the hook up happens between the container and the template property. Remember I told you that the ITemplate interface defines the InstantiateIn method and here is where I use it.
_HeaderTemplate.InstantiateIn( _ headerTemplateItem)
This line of code takes the HeaderTemplate property, along with all its contents (whatever the page developer added to it), and instantiates it all inside the container control instance. Now that I have an instance of an actual Web control, headerTemplateItem, I treat it like any other Web control that I want to build into a control's children hierarchy. So I do this by simply adding it to the Controls collection like everything else; and like everything else I use HTML table elements to correctly position it.
So not to bore you too much, I'll save you the agony of watching me do exactly the same thing for the FooterTemplate. The only difference would be the name of the object I use to instantiate the TemplateItem control; I would use one named footerTemplateItem.
Now you know how to create and add templates to custom Web controls; at least in the most basic way. I still have some more to talk about but first let me show you how to use what you've created so far.
Using Templates from the Page
Remember this code?
<dnd:EmailContact2 ID="EmailContact1" runat="server"> <HeaderTemplate></HeaderTemplate> <FooterTemplate></FooterTemplate> </dnd:EmailContact2>
It's what the control will render on the ASPX page when you drop it on the form. I can add any other Web controls I want between any of the two template tags; remember these represent the two template properties. So I'm going to do just that. I'll add a checkbox and textbox to the header template and a link button to the footer template.
Figure 2: The EmailContact control (with template contents).
<HeaderTemplate> <asp:CheckBox ID="CheckBox1" runat="server" /> <asp:TextBox ID="TextBox1" runat="server"></asp:TextBox> </HeaderTemplate> <FooterTemplate> <asp:LinkButton ID="LinkButton1" runat="server">LinkButton</asp:LinkButton> </FooterTemplate>
When I switch to design view, you'll see something like Figure 2.
So now you see that the page developer (me in this case) has added controls to my control completely unbeknownst to me. OK, visually that's all fine and dandy, but the page developer has to be able to do something with these, right? I'm glad you agree, so next I'm going to teach you how to access these controls from the page's code-behind page so they can become functional.
Accessing Template Contents
Template content is just like a Web control's child controls, in the way that they cannot be "directly" accessed from the hosting page's code-behind page. By "directly" I mean as easy as saying:
TextBox1.Text = "Miguel"
Remember, a control can only directly access its immediate Controls collection. From the code in my EmailContact control, I can access all the children I put in there. From the code-behind of a form, I can only directly access the EmailContact control because it resides in the Controls collection of the form (a form is a control too). Anything deeper than that requires a bit more work and templates are no exception. To dig into a Web control's internal children, you would normally need to use the FindControl method and access them by their ID. I'll start there but remember that the child control I am looking for is the template's container control. So in the code-behind class for a form, I can use code like this:
Dim container As TemplateItem = _ DirectCast(EmailContact1.FindControl( _ "headerTemplateItem"), TemplateItem)
This will give me access to the header template container, so (using the same technique) I can dive deeper and obtain its contents—the controls the page developer added:
Dim txt1 As TextBox = _ DirectCast(container.FindControl( _ "TextBox1"), TextBox)
Now I can use the visual power of the templates and their behavioral power as well by accessing their contents. However, there is one piece of behavior that you may also need. If a developer drops a link or a button into one of the templates, they need to be able to trap its Click event, right? I created the templates with no knowledge of what contents may go into them so I have to account for everything and that includes event activity.
You may be familiar with an event in the GridView called ItemCommand. This event receives click actions from links and buttons that a page developer may drop into a grid's template columns. Now I'm going to show you exactly how this works.
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63539 | Wednesday, 31 May 2006
Ferocious in Battle, Magnanimous in Victory
"If you are ferocious in battle, remember to be magnanimous in victory,"
These are some of the incredibly moving and memorable words given by the British Colonel Tim Collins on the eve of battle of the Iraq war to his soldiers...
"We go to liberate, not to conquer.
Show respect for them.
Iraq is steeped in history.
Tread lightly there.
You will see things that no man could pay to see
Allow them dignity in death.
Bury them properly and mark their graves.
There will be no time for sorrow.
It is a big step to take another human life.
It is not to be done lightly.
We will bring shame on neither our uniform or our nation.
If we survive the first strike we will survive the attack.
Our business now is North."
The Prince of Wales later wrote that he was by the "extraordinarily stirring, civilised and humane" words.
"What you said somehow encapsulated, in a brilliantly inspired way, everything that we have come to expect of our armed forces and demonstrated why, quite simply, they are the best in the world," he wrote.
This is one of the most famous of recent speeches. It has been said that George W Bush has this speech on the wall of the Oval Office in the White House.
At approximately the same time, somewhere in the Persian Gulf, on board a US aircraft carrier as hostilities commenced, its Captain blasted out Queen's 'We will rock you!' over the tannoy system to accompany the Cruise Missiles being launched on the same people...
Sunday, 21 May 2006
Stupidity, Ignorance, Greed and the Love of Power
PJ O'Rourke
Impossible Bloody Rice
Whilst I'm on the subject of food, as the staple diet for billions of people around the world rice must be one of the most cooked food items ever.
I have had some delicious rice dishes in my time, particular in Brasil where they seem to be able to make plain boiled rice into a dish all on its own.
Above: Delicious Chilli con Carne, Below: Perfect Jalfrezi
Now, I can knock out a rather good Indian Curry and a wicked Chilli Con Carne. Both of these dishes require huge amount of preparation, the correct selection of ingredients and perfected cooking times. I've never been taught, just learnt by trial and error.
So as a man I am very proud of myself for being able to do something as complex and alien as all of this is (for a mere man anyway).
So why the hell when it comes to popping a few cups of plain rice into boiling water for the specified time on the bloody packet does my rice always turn out like something you avoid on the pavement on a Saturday morning?????
Every single, damned time. Crap, sloppy, yuckie chuck-it-in-the-bin-before-anybody-sees-it rice. Even the dog looks guilty when I put it in her bowl! 'It wasn't me, honest!'
And so when I cook to impress I have to confess that I have to pop into the local take-away and buy their lovely warm rice to accompany my very complicated yet perfect dishes. Always.
Below: My sticky, sloppy, hopeless bloody rice...
If you can cook rice so that it's edible or can see why you think my rice turns out alien-like please let me know below. Save me from my social embarrassment. Please....I might even invite you over!
Saturday, 20 May 2006
Monday, 15 May 2006
Tanks a lot
When all Else Fails - Cuddle a Cat
There's nothing quite like it.
Do you Know What it is Yet?
So tiny and so cute. Where can I get me one of those?
He may be tiny now but he grows into quite a size and packs one hell of a kick.
But what is it?
Answers/guesses below please.
Friday, 12 May 2006
People = shit
Here's my favourite piece of graffitti ever. Found on a wall in Seville and explaining in just two words all of the world's problems.
A Helping Hand
The world would be a better place if more people just offered a helping hand where it was needed. Nobody would turn down this child's needs, yet we turn away from others who need our help just as much.
There is a child's hand in everybody, it's just sometimes hidden from view by our prejudices or we're just far too busy to notice.
Wednesday, 10 May 2006
Tuesday, 9 May 2006
England in Spring, oh bollocks...
Oh England, my England. I was so happy to leave you and never return and then I see pictures like this and remember how beautiful you are.
Oh bollocks, take me back. Please. Forgive me and let me cast my weary eyes on your captivating beauty once more...
(Just get rid of the bloody dictatorial BBC TV Licence, the Community Charge, Road Fund Licences (Tax Discs) and that shite Big Brother first...!)
When Humans Have Pissed You Off Enough...
What you really need is a bit of animal love and tenderness...Priceless...
Sunday, 7 May 2006
The Sultan's Elephant, London
A beautiful fairytale unravelled on the streets of London recently in a manner never seen before and never to be forgotten.
As reported by the BBC, the show began with a crashed space ship in Waterloo Place. (Note for our American readers - it's not a real UFO, there's no need to do an Orson Wells War of the Worlds type of panic - it's just a play!)
Out stepped a 5m (16ft) tall girl (a marionette) and so the story began.
Two years in the planning, the story tells of a time-travelling elephant and a little girl enacted out on the streets of London against the backdrop of famous landmarks.
The giant girl spent her first night sleeping (and snoring) in Horse Guards Parage in a giant deckchair before being woken by a 42 tonne, giant mechanical elephant showering her in water.
After walking through the streets of London together that day they spent the night together sleeping in Traflagar Square, watched by thousands of passers-by.
To see the full story from the creators Royal de Luxe visit The Sultans Elephant.
Images courtesy of the BBC and Getty Images. Thanks to Royal de Luxe for the show.
Below: Some lucky children were plucked from the crowd and carried along by the little girl. A true piece of magic in an otherwise boring, mundane life. More please!
Children balance on puppet's arms
Where are the Police when you need them...?
I shouldn't really laugh but I found this picture highly amusing. Taken from the BBC website, 'Residents of the Mexican town of San Salvador Atenco rose up against police on Wednesday, chasing them out of town and taking control.'
The group of cops you see are actually running away from the mob of people running after them. How far did they run? Were they in step? What happened to the fat guy all police units have?
Saturday, 6 May 2006
Hair Cut (by Royal Appointment) at Toni and Guy's, Bangkok
Yes, Al (my UK hairdresser) takes about an hour to cut my hair and charges a lot of cash but I don't look like a complete twat when I leave the salon and that is worth paying for.
He's my favourite hairdresser. He runs Futuro in Bene't Sreet, Cambridge. He is an Italian guy trained at Toni and Guy before setting up his very own successful salon in Cambridge. Clearly he is good and has always left me with a quality and satisfying cut.
Sadly, after 3 years in Spain he has had his work cut out for him (forgive the pun) each time I returned in the summer for a 'rectification' cut. Why does no-one in Seville know how to cut hair? You get two bloody choices, a US Marine cut in the summer, or a slightly longer US Marine cut in the winter. It takes all of 4 minutes and costs a tenner and causes me so much stress.
So when Paula suggested I get my hair cut in Bangkok at Toni and Guy's for about 15 I jumped at the chance (it would normally cost me about €50-60 in Europe).
As my legs reluctantly carried me into Siam Paragon I began to look forward to sitting down and being pampered for an hour or so, as did they. Oh it's been so long. (Come on Spain, read this).
Paula left her instructions with the staff (she's a director by profession you see) and went shopping. A pretty young Thai hairdresser then proceeded to wash my hair for me. Now I don't know about you but I love having my head massaged. I think my scalp is one of the most sensitive parts of my body and this girl gave me the best head massage I have ever had. Talk about ability! It must have lasted about 10 minutes in all.
It was so good I even forgot about the agony of my legs but unfortunately it was over all too soon. (The best ones always are). I sat down in front of the mirror and noticed that the atmosphere in the salon had perceptibly changed somehow. Had I embarrased myself?
No I hadn't of course, it was only a massage, but whilst my head was in heaven unbeknown to me a VIP had entered the salon for a cut. I heard it all from Paula afterwards but สมเด็จพระเทพรัตนราชสุดา เจ้าฟ้ามหาจักรีสิรินธร รัฐสีมาคุณากรปิยชาติ สยามบรมราชกุมาร had just entered the place!!!!!
Yes, you heard me - สมเด็จพระเทพรัตนราชสุดา เจ้าฟ้ามหาจักรีสิรินธร รัฐสีมาคุณากรปิยชาติ สยามบรมราชกุมาร, or in English Som det phra thep phra rat raat cha su daa Chao fa Maha Chakri Sirindhorn Ratha si ma ku na korn pi ya chat Siam ba rom ma raat cha ku maa ree.
Not only was she here but she was actually sitting next to me!!
สมเด็จพระเทพรัตนราชสุดา เจ้าฟ้ามหาจักรีสิรินธร รัฐสีมาคุณากรปิยชาติ สยามบรมราชกุมาร (Som det phra thep phra rat raat cha su daa Chao fa Maha Chakri Sirindhorn Ratha si ma ku na korn pi ya chat Siam ba rom ma raat cha ku maa ree) is none other than Princess Maha Chakri Sirindhorn, daughter of the Thai King Bhumibol Adulyadej (known as Phra Thep to her friends).
So Paula nonchalantly ambles up to me, curtsies and gives me a huge glass of chilled and delicious coffee (OK, she didn't, but she did give me the drink).
So there I was with a beautiful woman providing me with delicious drinks, another running her hands through my hair (but only in a professional capacity of course) and the ultra respected and highly regarded Princess of Thailand sitting next to me, having her mop sorted out for her birthday bash the next day, or so she said.
Now who felt like royalty? Lap it up Dave.
So I left Toni and Guy's with a great haircut, a beautiful woman on my arm and an anecdote to bore people with for years to come. Even my legs had stopped complaining.
And just to finish the afternoon off per
fectly, we popped downstairs to the incredible food hall. To think that one of Paula's Spanish students once said to her that she'd 'miss Spanish food!' The whole ground floor was covered with different types of food stall/restaurants/bakerys etc.
All professionally attended, all immaculate, all delicious. So we walked around making difficult choices before sitting down and stuffing our faces with incredible Thai food all washed down with perfect Thai service.
And then I couldn't stand up. The legs had finally given up. Oh bugger...
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63543 | The modern sense of , which dates from 2009, refers to databases that are not built on relational tables, unlike . Often, boast better design flexibility, horizontal scalability, and higher availability than traditional SQL databases, sometimes at the cost of weaker consistency.
Key-value is the most basic of the four non-relational data models. Sometimes other database models are implemented on top of a key-value foundation layer.
Column databases have keys, values, and timestamps; the timestamp is used for determining the valid content. is a prominent example of a column database.
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63544 | Hi, there! I'm new. I am looking for a planner that works for ME!!! I used to use a planner i bought years ago that was the 5.5 x 8 -- well, i hardly ever used it because it was too big! So, the d*i*y planner CLASSIC i fear is going to be too big for me to use. I think something around a 4 x 6 would work better; anything smaller is too small. Any recommendations? Maybe the Hipster?
Or could i just resize the pages or something if I go to print off the Classic? I do like that actual physical planner binder thing (don't really like the Hipster thingy on the ring). Hope that makes sense.
Sorry if this question was already asked!
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Dynamic templates
One of our esteemed forum members, ygor, made up some dynamic templates that can be resized to any page size. They're awesome. You might want to poke around the site and find them. They should be in the templates directory somewhere...
They can be found...
right here
That link is visible from the purple "Templates" tab at the top right of the page
Start simple and familiar
Hi! Welcome!
I suspect most of us here have been a bit uncertain when we started putting together a planner.
My advice is start simple and with a size that's familiar to you.
Finding a good-size-for-you planner can be as easy as checking your purse.
Do you have (or had) a diary or notepad or journal or shopping list etc that is a size you like and use? If you do, then consider making your planner close to that size. If it's a large size (eg letter, A4) consider making it half the size so 2 open pages are the size you like.
As for templates, there a quite a few different sizes here. The Hipster cards are good smaller planners or binders. The PDF files can be adjusted to just about any size using the printer settings.
Also, I suggest that you start with the cheapest binder you can find that you like. Then you can use it without trying to keep it looking perfect (one of the downfalls I found with pretty, quality binders). And if you change your mind and decide you don't adore your planner and want to change the size, then it's OK. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63585 | The monies that a franchisee is required to contribute to the advertising fund or the advertising co-op. These funds are used to pay for system-wide advertising and promotional expenses. The manner in which advertising contributions are made varies from company to company. Many franchise agreements specify a percentage of gross sales to be spent on advertising; the breakdown of expenditures for local, regional, and/or national advertising may also be specified.
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63596 | Category Archives: Tech-Art
Generating Gladiators
Some time ago now, we made a decision on Ludus which was a particularly tough call to make. We had been working on Ludus for a while, art, code and design all along side eachother. We had made economical decisions based on our scope and our minimal budget.
I’ve been working as a technical artist for 10 or so years now, so I have come to expect that expectations tend to change over the course of a production, but I somehow didn’t quite foresee that my own would change quite so much. Nevertheless, through habit more than clairvoyance, I knew things tend to change, and I knew that the best way of dealing with this is to always try to build a system that does whatever some job is, rather than focusing on doing the job itself.
So when it came to creating the characters, I set out making a system that would instead generate characters on my behalf from a set of models that had the same topology so that they could morph into each-other and consequently be mixed in any variation.
I started by grabbing some gladiator armor meshes from TurboSquid and Rob fitted them to a model exported from MakeHuman, then I exported some more characters of different shapes from MakeHuman to serve as the morph targets. I linked the bone positions to the vertex positions in the mesh so that I could correct the rig after morphing the vertices, and computed an automatic weight for the clothing meshes to follow the underlying geometry.
Character generator v1
The results seemed promising and after a while of ironing out some vertex order and other kinks we had a system that could produce characters of lots of different shapes and sizes. As you can see from some of the in-progress images below, this process was easy peasy lemon sqeezy.
We continued working with these models and preparing new gladiator armour models for them. Time passed by, and after a while we had quite a lot of art built around this system. But something wasn’t quite right; the model we used was from an earlier version of MakeHuman, and the base model itself had some slightly peculiar proportions. All the variations consequently just looked a bit off.
We made the call to change the base mesh, and with it, all the character art had to be altered as well. A tough call to make on a minimal budget. So I made another system, this one ripped some code from the character generator to morph all the clothing meshes into a new base pose, which we made by pushing the rig into a pose similar to the new character base mesh we had, and then refining the model somewhat using standard modeling tools.
Mesh refitting
Bar a few errant vertices that needed to be cleaned up by hand, this system was able to salvage most of the data.
Adding the new character and new rig to the old system was an immediate success as made evident by the image below.
After a bit of massaging (read: near complete rewrite) the system was able to produce some plausible looking characters of many different shapes and sizes though, and we had improved the overall quality in the process without completely killing the art budget.
In the game, we have also tied the attributes of the characters to their visual appearance, so a generated character with a high strength value will look stronger, or a character with a high constitution appear more full bodied. After a little while of playing, you get quite good at judging the abilities of an opponent.
Spherical Spline Quaternions For Dummies
or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Embrace The Math
chocolate teapot
What is it?
Where would I use it?
What do I need to understand to use it?
– Quaternions are rotations
– If you try to visualize them, your head explodes.
How does it work?
What problem does it solve?
Unity Implementation
It then performs the quaternion Log function on them that we added in, adds them together, scales them by a magic number and performs quaternion Exp before transforming them back into the space of the middle quaternion and normalizing the Quaternion.
Special thanks to Pekka Kytölä for helping me learn this.
As we mentioned in the previous blog-post we want to make Ludus very easily mod-able, and because we are a small team we need to make sure that the tools we create help us fill in the world as quickly and easily as possible. We decided that the most efficient way of making the world was to generate a part of it procedurally whenever practical. At the same time we want to maintain control over the design and make it as easy as possible to design new areas of the world, both for us and the modders. The system we came up with was kind of interesting so we wanted to share the thinking behind it in this blog-post.
This picture is all that’s needed to design the terrain for one of the levels in Ludus. but how does it work? Let’s break it down.
The red channel indicates the area where the buildings will be. We want to make sure that the ground here is relatively level, and we also artistically decided to slightly raise the ground just beyond where the buildings make contact with the ground. This channel is currently derived from the 3d placement of the buildings rather than the other way around, and only affects the terrain.
The green channel dictates the playable area, this is what should be accessible to the player, the system should make sure that this area looks and acts like a walkable terrain and that it doesn’t contain any overly steep inclines etc. It also helps indicate where to use most of the vertices of the terrain itself.
Finally the blue channel is used in the texturing process, it instructs the material to say that this area should be using a second blended material (specifically in the current case, this makes it a paved area, while the rest is sand, but this is set up in the material settings)
The image we had before is the final output of the ‘design’ image, All the modder/designer needs to define is there. This is then processed and combined in a procedural material from substance designer to output the image we see above. You can recognize some parts but others have come from procedural noise and various processes the image goes through to create a heightmap that is usable in the terrain generation in substance designer. The playable and building area is leveled out and raised, and a bit of height is added just around the buildings.
Each pixel in the procedural texture is scored by neighboring height difference and whether it’s in the playable area, and we create a vertex on each ‘important’ pixel. This makes sure that the vertex budget we have for the terrain is used in an optimized way. In the image above you can see the resulting mesh. Note that it uses fewer vertices on the flat areas and that the area defined as non-playable has a natural in-accessibility because of the steep inclide.
Lastly, similar to the Mosaic effect, we use Delaunay triangulation of these vertices to combine it into a mesh.
Although the coding and procedural material process to achieve this takes more time than making one or two terrain models, the ease with which we can add new areas, using a very broad-strokes method, to the game means we can make a much more interesting and expansive world. We intend to take the system further and add set dressing like barrels etc automatically based on the original image input as well.
Mod-ern game development
Prototypeception – A Prototype Within a Prototype
-The characters in the world.
-The relationship between those characters.
-The upcoming set of gladiator games.
-The active rumours in the world.
Quintus gets replaced by a more favorable Julia.
Now a small anecdote which originally lead to this blogpost:
Rendering crowd agents in Ludus
Crowd mesh
Each major movable area is cut into it’s own model
Procedural mosaic using Voronoi diagrams
Flood fill algorithm
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63606 | Skip to main content
Yes, mobile messaging relies on Hadoop
Mobile messaging apps are the talk of the town after acquisition of Whatsapp by Facebook for a mind boggling figure. It is pretty much in time to take a look at the data infrastructure of the messaging apps. With an aim to explore how much of Hadoop is being used in the messaging world, a few checks were done and certain interesting observations came forward.
First a look at major mobile messaging apps.
While Whatsapp is all too popular now, it has its major user base of 450 million+ users in USA, Europe, Latin America and India. Towards, the oriental half of Asia, there are other dominant players who have spread their reach across the globe. These include QQ and WeChat(from Tencent, China) with an estimated user base of 1 billion; Line(of formerly NHN Corp, Japan) with an estimated user base of 350 million; Kakao Talk (originating from Korea) with an estimated user base of 100 million. Towards the other half of the world in America, SnapChat, Kik, GroupMe, Viber and age old Skype are quite popular. And, not to forget, Facebook also has a Messenger offering.
A look at the Hadoop skilled staff on LinkedIn profiles and Apache Software foundation contributors revealed some interesting comparisons:
- Facebook, the parent company of Facebook messenger is one of the biggest proponents of Hadoop. However, WhatsApp does not seem to think the same way in terms of Hadoop adoption.
- Tencent, the Chinese parent company of QQ & WeChat has a huge concentration of Hadoop skills. Tencent though has bigger interests in internet and communication industry besides messaging.
- Even Skype (now Microsoft company) has been using Hadoop.
- Viber is a big user of NoSQL products like Couchbase and has been using HDFS and other associated ecosystem products.
- Line Corporation(formerly NHN) has for long been a user of Hadoop and was one of main patrons of Apache Hama.
- Kakao and Line have contributors on Apache Tajo project.
To understand a sample use case of Hadoop ecosystem involvement, take a look below at a slide deck telling about Line's HBase initiatives.
1. It is pretty much in time to take a look at the data infrastructure of the messaging logging software
2. Interesting article, yet there are cell phone spy apps which are able to track every messaging app. So where is a security?
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63619 | Top 10 Spanish songs by Enrique Iglesias
Are you a big fan of Enrique Iglesias Spanish Songs ? brings you some of the top 10 best Spanish songs which are all time favorite.
These songs have been carefully selected for those who love to hear best spanish songs from Enrique.
Top Spanish Songs by Enrique Iglesias
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Spanish songs of Enrique Iglesias are quite popular among spanish as well as english speaking music lovers worldwide. Enrique Iglesias is among most popular spanish singers worldwide.
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63629 | Human Develop Plan Organization (H.D.P.O.) Ranchi Jharkhand Adolescent Empowerment . Rational: - adolescent is an age of transition. In this age lot of physical physiological and psychological changes associated with this age group and lack of knowledge and understand about these changes make them very vulnerable to all kind of reproductive health risk.
There is widespread ignorance health knowledge, discussing these things in family: society and schools are thought to be tabooed subject. Even discussion on these things among adolescent are resistant and discouraged. But this tender age has intense urge to know about sex and sexuality and they resort to all kind of unauthentic source of information and it leads to misleading and wrong information regarding sex and sexuality and this situation makes them very vulnerable to all kind of sexual health problem. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63633 | Persistence and Category Theory
Keller 3-180
I thank my collaborators in these projects: Peter Bubenik, Gunnar Carlsson, Fred Chazal, Bill Crawley-Boevey, Marc Glisse, Dmitriy Morozov, Liz Munch, Vidit Nanda, Steve Oudot, Amit Patel, Jonathan Scott.
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63639 | Selsyn Units
Home | Articles | Forum | Glossary | Books
• describe the operation of a simple selsyn system.
• describe the operation of a differential selsyn system.
• list several advantages of selsyn units.
The word selsyn is an abbreviation of the words self-synchronous. Selsyn units are special ac motors used primarily in applications requiring remote control. Small selsyn units transmit meter readings or values of various types of electrical and physical quantities to distant points. E.g., the captain on the bridge of a ship may adjust the course and speed of the ship; at the same moment, the course and speed changes are trans mitted to the engine room by selsyn units. On the engine telegraph system, mechanical positioning of a control transmits electrical angular information to a receiving unit. Similarly, readings of mechanical and electrical conditions in other parts of the ship can be recorded on the bridge by selsyn units. These units are also referred to as synchros, and are known by various trade names.
A selsyn system consists of two three-phase induction motors. The normally stationary rotors of these induction motors are interconnected so that a manual shift in the rotor position of one machine is accompanied by an electrical rotor shift in the other machine in the same direction and of the same angular displacement as the first unit.
ill 1 shows a simple selsyn system for which the units at the transmitter and receiver are identical. The rotors of these units are two-pole and must be excited from the same ac source. The three-phase stator windings are connected to each other by three leads between the transmitter and the receiver units. The rotor of each machine is called the primary and the three-phase stator winding of each machine is called the secondary. A rotor for a typical selsyn unit's illustrated in 2.
When the primary excitation circuit's closed, an ac voltage is impressed on the transmitter and receiver primaries. If both rotors are in the same position with respect to their stators, no movement occurs. If the rotors are not in the same relative position, the freely movable receiver rotor will turn to assume the same position as the transmitter rotor.
ill. 25-1 Diagram of selsyn motors showing interconnected stator and rotor windings connected to excitation source.
ill. 25-2 Wound rotor with oscillation damper and slip rings for selsyn units.
If the transmitter rotor is turned, either manually or mechanically, the receiver rotor will follow at the same speed and in the same direction.
The self-synchronous alignment of the rotors is the result of voltages induced in the secondary windings. Both rotors induce voltages into the three windings of their stators. These voltages vary with the position of the rotors. If the two rotors are in the same relative position, the voltages induced in the transmitter and receiver secondaries will be equal and opposite. In this condition, current won't exist in any part of the secondary circuit.
If the transmitter rotor is moved to another position, the induced voltages of the secondaries are no longer equal and opposite and currents are present in the windings. These currents establish a torque which tends to return the rotors to a synchronous position. Since the receiver rotor is free to move, it makes the adjustment. Any movement of the transmitter rotor is accompanied immediately by an identical movement of the receiver rotor.
ill 25-3 is a diagram of the connections of a differential selsyn system consisting of a transmitter, a receiver, and a differential unit. This system produces an angular indication of the receiver. The indication is either the sum or difference of the angles existing at the transmitter and differential selsyns. If two selsyn generators, connected through a differential selsyn, are moved manually to different angles, the differential selsyn will indicate the sum or difference of their angles.
A differential selsyn has a primary winding with three terminals. Otherwise, it closely resembles a standard selsyn unit. The three primary leads of the differential selsyn are brought out to collector rings. The unit has the appearance of a miniature wound-rotor, three-phase induction motor. The unit, however, normally operates as a single-phase transformer.
The voltage distribution in the primary winding of the differential selsyn is the same as that in the secondary winding of the selsyn exciter. If any one of the units is fixed in position and a second unit's displaced by a given angle, then the third unit which is free to rotate will turn through the same angle. The direction of rotation can be reversed by inter changing any pair of leads on either the rotor or stator winding of the differential selsyn.
If any two of the selsyns are rotated simultaneously, the third selsyn will turn through an angle equal to the algebraic sum of the movements of the two selsyns. The algebraic sign of this value depends on the direction of rotation of the rotors of the two selsyns, as well as the phase rotation of their windings.
The excitation current of the differential selsyn is supplied through connections to one or both of the standard selsyns to which the differential selsyn is connected. In general, the excitation current is supplied to the primary winding only. In this case, the selsyn connected to the differential stator supplies this current and must be able to carry the extra load without overheating. A particular type of selsyn, known as an exciter selsyn, is used to supply the current. The exciter selsyn can function in the system either as a transmitter or a receiver.
Selsyn units are compact and rugged and provide accurate and very reliable readings. Because of the comparatively high torque of the selsyn unit, the indicating pointer does not oscillate as it swings into position. Internal mechanical dampers are used in selsyn receivers to prevent oscillation during the synchronizing procedure. and to reduce any tendency of the receiver to operate as a rotor. The operation of the receiver is smooth and continuous and is in agreement with the transmitter. In addition, the response of the receiver to changes in position at the transmitter is very rapid.
ill. 3 A schematic diagram of differential selsyn connections
In the event of a power failure, the indicator of the receiver resets automatically with the transmitter when power is received. Calibration and time-consuming checks are unnecessary.
A number of advantages are offered by selsyn systems:
• The indicators are small and compact and can be located where needed.
• The simple installation requires running a few wires and bolting the selsyn units in place.
• Selsyn units can be used to indicate either angular or linear movement.
• Selsyn units control the motion of a device at a distant point by controlling its actuating mechanism.
• One transmitter may be used to operate several receivers simultaneously at several distant points.
The selsyn system is also referred to as a syncro system. The self-synchronous sys tem allows one rotor to act as a transmitter and another rotor to act as a receiver to follow the transmitter. There are several variations to allow the receiver to follow at some angle determined by a differential selsyn.
Select the correct answer for each of the following statements and place the corresponding letter in the space provided.
1. Selsyn transmitters and receivers resemble:
a. repulsion-induction motors.
b. three-phase, two-pole induction motors.
c. three-phase, four-pole induction motors.
d. synchronous machines.
2. When the primary excitation circuit's closed, ac voltage is impressed on the:
a. transmitter and receiver primaries.
b. transmitter rotor and the transmitter stator windings.
c. transmitter rotor and the receiver stator windings.
d. stator windings of both instruments.
3. A differential selsyn unit differs from a selsyn transmitter or receiver in that it requires
a. three-phase power for excitation.
b. an ac line connection to the stator winding.
c. dc on the rotor winding.
d. three connections to the rotor winding.
4. If the rotors of the two selsyn units in a selsyn indicating system are in exactly corresponding positions, the current in the secondary winding is _____.
a. within quadrature with the primary current.
b. in phase with the primary current.
c. zero.
d. less than the normal primary current.
5. Selsyn units are also referred to as:
a. synchros. c. wound-rotor motors.
b. induction motors. d. all of these.
6. The stator of the transmitter is directly connected to the stator of the receiver unit when a differential isn't used.
a. true b. false
7. In the transmitter and receiver system, the ac excitation is applied to the
a. stator winding. c. rotor winding only
b. stator and the rotor windings. d. none of these.
8. Cite several advantages of a selsyn system.
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global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63664 | Sunday, February 5, 2012
Who's to Blame?
So, in my last post I mentioned being frustrated about indie bookstores not carrying books by indie presses. I really meant it as an issue I had with the school that pulled out of letting me speak. It seemed--and I have to guess about this because I never received anymore correspondence from them--that the reason they pulled out was the fact that the local indie bookstore, with which they arrange presales, doesn't carry my book.
After the school situation, I queried the indie bookstore about carrying Finding Angel.
The staff replied to me right away, and they have graciously answered all my questions. It turns out that because I'm with an indie press, part of the issue is the policy that goes along with print-on-demand technology: the books are non-refundable. Also, the distributor gives them no discount, which means they essentially pay retail price. Which then means they'd have to jack the prices up to make money. As they put it, "No one is going to pay $20 for a kids' paperback." Well, duh. I don't blame them!
Really, I mean it. I don't blame them given those facts. But they sent me a form to fill out to submit Finding Angel for possible consignment, which took things to another level. The form explained about what a bookstore goes through when trying to decide which books to carry. And honestly, it's not just about cost and profit--and when it comes to their other points, the place of blame is clear.
Their form says:
"...many of the books we are asked to try to sell are overpriced compared to similar books, the content is of very limited interest to anyone other than the writer’s friends and family, and/or a lack of editing or even proofreading is obvious. A surprising number of writers acknowledge that they have never paid a similar price for a similar book from an unknown writer and an unknown publisher with no objective reviews, yet expect us to try to sell theirs…"
The bold was not added by me, btw. But I would have added it, had they not done so. I mean, really. We have to admit this is true.
Every small press and self-published author out there thinks their book is worthy of that shelf space. But let's face it--most of them are not. This bookstore is dead-freakin'-right. With the ease of access to publishing these days, any yahoo can publish a book. And far too many do. Far, far too many who don't write well, don't get proper editing, don't invest in decent cover art, and publish through routes that inflate the cost of the books. I've seen this first-hand. First-time authors who chose dubious publishing routes (high-priced vanity presses and such) and whose less than 200-page paperbacks (with generic looking covers) end up on Amazon for $26. Hello, I'm not paying $26 for a hardback version of a favorite author, much less some skinny paperback by someone I've never heard of. And neither would you--don't deny it!
So how do we blame the bookstores? When they have a sea of garbage to wade through when determining what books go on their shelves? Is it really their fault? Or do we look at the authors who insist on pumping out overpriced rubbish?
Don't get me wrong--I think it's awesome we have publishing choices. Those choices are what allowed Splashdown Books to get its start, which is why I'm a published author today. But with those choices come the responsibility to work hard and put out your very best.
I'm not just representative of myself as an author, I'm representative of the small press community. Each and every one of us is--and that, unfortunately, is why so many bookstores turn us away en masse. Not because they are heartless, but because too many of us have made them scared to open their hearts to us.
Kessie said...
Oh, wow, that's interesting. At least they'll consider your book, right? Am I reading that right about the consignment form?
Kat Heckenbach said...
Yes, they'll consider it, Kessie. But they also say they take books on consignment "very, very rarely." So, I'm not getting my hopes way up.
Caprice Hokstad said...
The only reason I would care about bookstore consignment would be to enable a signing event (as in, a very limited time, no shelf space required). While no, I would NOT pay an inflated price for an unknown author's book if I just saw it on a shelf with other big-names, the whole dynamic changes if that "unknown" author is sitting there IN the store. If brick-and-mortar stores want to stay open, they SHOULD be thinking about what they can offer that's DIFFERENT and BETTER than online shopping in your pj's with free home delivery. Hello? Why are Blockbusters dropping like flies?
If the author is standing there, in the flesh, wearing an eloborate costume she made herself, displaying a large painting of an exotic world that isn't Earth, and signing books, I just might be curious. I might want to ask a question about the costume, but I'd be too shy to do it if I didn't buy a book. She's there to sign books. Buying a book and asking for the autograph is the a "ticket" to give me the right to approach this person. Before I became an author, I actually thought bookstores PAID authors to do signings. Aren't they an "attraction"? Why advertise and promote a signing if they don't expect it will bring people in the door?
I wrote the book and got it published. I commissioned the artist to paint the cover picture and paid her quite well for the right to use it in all my promotions. I have a 16 x 20 framed copy and a desktop easel to display it. I also spent a HUGE chunk of change on materials and I DESIGNED and MADE a character costume. I brought pictures with me to the bookstores to show them that I would indeed stand out in their store. I offered to bring the books in myself and remove any that did not sell so they wouldn't even have to give me shelf space. But NONE of this is good enough for them because my name is Caprice Hokstad and not J.K. Rowling or Donita K. Paul or something else they recognize.
I guess it's just as well. Booksignings don't really help much, from what I hear. Just don't ask me to care very much when physical bookstores go out of business. If it's just about book prices, let's all just shop online and forget about the stores.
Kat Heckenbach said...
I think there WAS a time when indie bookstores COULD offer "different" much more often. Because there were very few to choose from. I think these days, they are flooded, and have been sort of backed into a corner: either drown in an attempt to sort through and ocean of sludge, or go with things that are sure-sells, which means more mainstream stuff.
Yes, I think that's a sucky situation. All I'm saying is I don't think the ball got rolling because indie stores all sold out or something. I think the initial blame goes to the raging masses of crappy authors out there.
As for signings...I've noticed a trend away from them. I've looked up the events calendars for the local B&N's around me--there are about four within driving distance--and NONE of them have had signings in ages nor have any scheduled that I can see. I also just attended an author signing at the indie bookstore I wrote about here The author was a NYT bestseller, yet there was all of about 20 people who came to the event--but they were "sets" of parents with kids, so she maybe sold 20 books or so? That makes it seem to me that they're not even worth it for me. But I would like to get my books on the shelves.
Caprice Hokstad said...
Well, since you're finding consignment to be a requirement to VOLUNTEER in the school literacy program, I don't blame you. Me, I pretty much have given up on stores. They don't want to help me even if helping me would help themselves at absolutely ZERO risk. Fine. I understand they have problems. Best of luck, but I you won't see me crying when they go under.
I'm perfectly happy to buy books on Amazon. I like pj's, no crowds, and home delivery, or even better, instant downloads to my Kindle.
Kat Heckenbach said...
I'm hoping the one school-bookstore thing is an isolated incident. I've not heard of that before, or since.
And I do agree about online book buying. I shop Amazon ALL the time. I actually recently blogged about a shopping day I spent at B&N and Books-a-Million, that ended with me going home ticked off because I couldn't find the books I wanted, but could have had my choice of like 27 different jigsaw puzzles and any array of toys, games, or desk accessories.
There is definitely some blame to place on bookstores--especially those bigger stores like B&N. Do NOT tell me you don't have room on your shelves for books when fully HALF the store is taken up by non-book "stuff". But I have to give SOME blame, at least with indie stores, to the authors who have forced their hand and turned them against the rest of us. |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63681 | On Finding Strange Skeletons From the Past: Richard III
Now that the excitement from yesterday’s announcement of the finding of Richard III’s body has abated a little, I thought it only right to do a little post. I looked at all of the evidence, which, although it could be considered circumstantial by harder-nosed academics, was certainly enough to convince … Continue reading |
global_01_local_0_shard_00002368_processed.jsonl/63719 | Fact and Fiction: Corsetry and Feminism, Part Two
Suffrage vs. Dress Reform
Given that the members of the women's rights movement lived at a time when there was no scientific evidence against the intensely negative health claims, it is no wonder that they might regard the corset as a death-trap. However, early feminist opposition to the corset is vastly overstated today. To illustrate, see the fashionable photograph of Susan B. Anthony at the end of the 19th century:
Susan B. Anthony, ca. 1895
Based on the smoothness of her bodice and the curve of her waist, we can say that she was clearly wearing a corset even late in her successful career. (Other photographs of Anthony show corsetry as well, as do photographs of other proto-feminists.)
The Dress Reform movement associated with the women's rights movement began in the 1850s, promoting the "freedom suit" or "Bloomer costume" consisting of a loose dress over full trousers, worn without a corset. The suit attracted ridicule from the public instead of praise, and faded into obscurity. Several decades later, the Rational Dress Society (and the Aesthetic/Artistic movement whose clothing derived from the pseudo-medieval pre-Raphaelite costume; it was not overly concerned with woman's position as a whole, mostly remaining the province of the wealthy and bohemian) took up the cause - and even they were more focused on tight-lacing than the corset itself, and tried to distance themselves from the accusations of cross-gender dressing that had been leveled at Bloomers. The idea that women were trying to dress as men had been more of a problem than their getting rid of the corset specifically.
Satire of Frances Power Cobbe, a women's rights reformer, in Punch, 1877: a common stereotype of feminists has always been that instead of insisting on equality, they intend to subjugate men
During this time, most of the people involved with the women's rights movement were occupied with the legal rights of women and the progress of female suffrage. There was not - as there still is not today - a united community composed of all the people working to champion women, and the suffragists did not always cross over with the dress reformers. In fact, women in the suffrage movement frequently used fashionable dress, including the more difficult s-bend corset of the 1900s, to emphasize their respectability and attractiveness and to show their opponents as old-fashioned.
Whenever an inaccuracy is as widespread as this, one has to ask what purpose it serves to the people who eagerly repeat it. Why do we want to perceive early feminism as being tied up with dress reform? And the main answer that occurs to me is: because the popular narratives of women's history and twentieth century history require broad stereotypes. In both, there is the idea that the 1920s were a revolutionary decade, with women winning the right to vote and outdated social mores being flung to the winds after World War I, one of those mores being the necessity of wearing corsets.
In actuality, there was no sudden moment of change. The fashionable figure had changed from a voluptuous hourglass into a shapely column by 1910, requiring a similar change in corsetry; the new corsets did not exert much force on the waistline, and do not fit in with the idea that corsets were meant to force the body into an exaggeratedly sexual shape. From the beginning of the century, the top edge of the corset descended until it was just above the waist during the war years, and rubber and elastic panels were used to increase the garment's flexibility. After the term "corset" fell into disuse, both girdles and corselets (foundation garments that supported the bust as well as the hips, usually fitted with straps) were used as different figures became fashionable: they flattened out curves in the 1920s, slimmed the hips in the 1930s, and created a more hourglass figure in the 1940s and 1950s. It was not until the 1960s and the style revolution of that era that shapewear really became unfashionable.
"A new Thompson Glove-Fitting Corset ...", Corset and Underwear Review, 1920
Another part of this mythology is the idea that women suddenly entered the workforce during World War I and stopped wearing corsets, either because their jobs required more flexibility or to give up the steel to be used in the war effort. Well, women had been working as teachers, clerks, doctors (see also), dentists, journalists, and factory hands for decades before this period - WWI may have opened new doors for women who had not previously needed to work, but it did not create a female workforce. During the war years, corset factories were declared an "essential industry", while men in steel complained that women were buying too many corsets and depleting the raw iron they needed. (Corsets were apparently later declared an inessential industry on the advice of Alice Roosevelt , which has led some to say that she killed the corset - but all this means is that new corsets would have been in shorter supply during that time.)
One reason for the distilled narrative of women's liberation is that it is easier - the story is simple, made up of distinct steps, with obvious cause-and-effect and clear correlations between fashion and women's position in society. However, the idea of a direct progression is also important to many in terms of self-perception: that is, it feels better to see oneself as being at the end of a chain of improvements. Seeing the Victorian and Edwardian eras as a mass of female oppression, followed by women proving themselves and seizing independence during the war, then celebrating and finding more personal freedom during the 1920s, followed by more seized independence during WWII and the clear political gains of the 1960s and 1970s can give one a sense of satisfaction, a feeling that women today have much better lives and more opportunities than ever before. And that is true! But acknowledging that women had more control over their lives and more opportunities during the 19th century can bring the feeling that we haven't come as far as we'd like and are not as free as we think we are.
I have digressed. But to move onto my next sub-point: because the popular narrative of women gaining jobs and suffrage lines up with the popular narrative around dress, they are elided together and it is assumed that the women who fought for suffrage also fought for the abolition of the corset.
That the suffragists were not fighting against the corset despite its general reputation as a health hazard suggests several things. One interpretation is that women may have been relying on their own feelings and experiences in wearing corsets, deciding independently that they were not in pain and did not succumb more easily to illness. The extreme claims from doctors and anatomists of the period would have been easily ignored by women who did not suffer from and knew nobody who suffered from tuberculosis, cancer, or circulatory and digestive problems.
Another is that the women who worked for a reform in the legal and social oppression of women - difficulty in procuring a divorce, inequal pay, fewer property rights, the expectation that they were passive and weak - may not have generally viewed the corset itself as an instrument or symbol of that oppression. Scientifically-minded feminist Lydia Becker was in fact reported in the Rational Dress Society Gazette as telling women to "stick to your stays, ladies, and triumph over the other sex"; even many of the few female doctors practicing in the 19th century did not speak out against corsets. While some activists did eschew corsets from an early period, most others apparently did not see themselves as needing to get rid of their corsets to achieve equality. That corsets were a manifestation of the societal repression of Victorian women is a later interpretation, not a fact.
Male and female suffragists, the women in corsets and fashionable dress, 1913; Library of Congress LC-B2- 2810-14
Modern scholars and non-academics routinely describe corsets in this way and ascribe their use only to social pressure, falling into the same bent as the scholarship in the Victorian era in characterizing the majority of women as stupid or frivolous fashion-followers, or painting them all as victims. While these scholars see themselves as following in the footsteps of the proto-feminists, the lack of feminist support for the dress reformers means that, in effect, they are actually aligning themselves with Victorian moralizers and misogynists, and are patronizing the very women they intend to support.
And More Fictional
Another part of this misreading of the history of the women's rights movement is our present-day obsession with unconventional heroines in historical fiction. We have much more contact with historical fiction than historical fact, especially if myths perpetrated by docents and fiction are weighted on the former side. We see our current dress as the most acceptable, we value the individual's ability to change society very highly, and we have these popular narratives embedded in our culture: these are layered onto our perception of history and reinforce the inaccuracy. When confronted with facts, people generally insist that the perception they have is correct instead.
Fictional women oppose the corset as individuals who personally dislike it, usually because they find them uncomfortable; their bodies often conform to a more modern, slimmer ideal and they do not benefit from them. (The ideal example of this is of course Elizabeth Swann, of Pirates of the Caribbean - who can forget her fainting into the ocean, or the line, "You like pain? Try wearing a corset"?) They represent the modern woman's publicly stated feeling on restrictive shapewear - it's unnecessary and worn to attract men at the cost of one's comfort.
One heroine who has influenced a great many people's opinion on corsets is Scarlett O'Hara. The iconic book and film scene where she is laced down to a 17" waist is commonly cited in popular articles on the practice by horrified writers. Perhaps Gone With the Wind has achieved something near to the place of a primary source because it was written decades ago ... but, of course, it is not a primary source. It is a work of fiction that was written by a woman who most likely never wore a traditional hourglass corset; moreover, early 20th century commentary frequently mythologized the Victorian era as a far more repressive time than it was in order to play up the new mores and speed of life in the 1920s and 1930s.
Of course, few would actually state that they believe all fiction is objectively true. But historical fiction has a tendency to stick in the mind through its vividness and its ability to set out the thoughts and motivations of people who did not leave much of a record of their personalities. In the case of Shakespeare's Richard III, for example, the fiction was accepted as historical fact for centuries due to its position in the literary canon.
Some vivid fiction is historic, rather than historical: there is a myth, spread by fictional letters written to mainstream Victorian magazines, that young girls were ruthlessly squeezed by sadistic headmistresses in order to get waists many inches smaller than their natural ones. By looking at advertisements, we can see that young girls (of a particular class background) were actually gradually shaped into the fashionable figure, just as modern adult tight-lacers recommend working very, very slowly to reshape the ribcage. Rather than having a ribcage just like ours suddenly pushed into more of a cone, they were molded at a time when their bones were more flexible. Thus, as adults, they would be able, if they wished, to achieve a figure that appears even more extreme to our eyes by reducing only a few more inches.
Another reason for historical fiction's effect is that it can often resonate more with the present than a straight, factual narrative would. A novel about a past war can give its hero an attitude more common to those surrounding a present war; rather than seeing a shapely corset as a desirable symbol of beauty and adulthood, a young woman can display the modern reaction of disgust and distaste. It does not seem a stretch to speculate that historical fiction with more modern attitudes could seem more vibrant and accessible to the modern reader and therefore become more popular than the truth.
I have no scholarly sources or studies to prove that. But it goes a way toward explaining how certain ideas are so frequently ascribed to Victorian women and proto-feminists when they did not actually express these ideas that often, and when modern corset-wearers can and do give their impressions of living regular life in a corset.
(For more on modern corset-wearers, see next Wednesday's post, "It's My Body: Corsetry and Feminism, Part Three".)
1. If I had one request for contemporary historical fiction authors and filmmakers, it would be to stop relying on the crutch of "she hated her corset," "her corset bothered her," and most egregious "she chose not to wear a corset" themes to make their characters sympathetic. For one, as you've laid out here, it's inaccurate. And for another, it's getting to the point that the trope is lazy writing!
One point I'd be curious about would be recollections of women who lived through multiple eras of corsetry for their opinions of affiliations between "freedom" and clothing, whether they were glad to not have to wear corsets later in life, etc. I imagine there aren't too many of these saved out there from previous generations, but plenty of us could still ask the question of grandmothers or other older women in our lives who wore some type of "corset" when younger--girdle or otherwise--how she felt about it and subsequently not wearing one.
1. Yes, I would love to see the end of it! While I have some issues with Outlander, I do love that Claire's corset isn't really an issue, even though she's coming from the 20th century.
I have seen some recollections from women who were young in the 1900s saying that they hated their corsets as teenagers - mainly just copied into articles about why corsets are terrible, somewhat out of context. Unfortunately, I think that, given human psychology and the negative connotations of corsetry, women who didn't mind their corsets were unlikely to include that in their memoirs, leaving the impression that women generally disliked them.
2. That's one of my pet peeves, when they use the hating the corset of refusing to wear it as a way to show a woman as independent. I wrote a long blog post about it some years ago with the prime example being a modern crime novel using a real person as heroine, claiming she hated corests and refusing to wear them, but the photo included ofher shows a woman clearly wearing a corsets. I was very pleased in Outlander when Claire was dressed in stays and clearly wears them under her clothes- and that it isn''t an issue at all.
2. Has anyone seen the movie "Topsy Turvy"? It's about the making of the Mikado. There's a hilarious set of scenes, where during the costume fitting, both the male AND female leads shrieked "but I can't sing without my corset!"
It's actually easier to sing in a corset, if you know how to do it -- which is why the stars in the movie were so shocked. Yet many opera singers today (more diva than talent usually) will clutch their breasts and proclaim that they could NEVER wear a corset how horrendous I must be a sadist.
Also re: Outlander, I wish that Claire was a SMARTER heroine. Gee, you're running around 18th Century Scotland in a SHIFT, and your hair tumbling all over the place, you're currently IN a brothel, and you're surprised someone assumed you're a prostitute? Self-awareness honey, self-awareness. Also, her lovely habit of refusing to pay attention to the proper number of layers and headclothing that a woman of her status should have worn, and then being surprised that she had witchcraft charges. You're ONLY making moldy bread+water solutions to find penicillin! Gosh!
1. I haven't seen that movie in ages - I should rewatch it. But I do remember that scene! And I read comments from a singer somewhere, while researching all of this, saying that she got a benefit from having the corset to push against.
My favorite thing about the STARZ version - after Sam Heugan, of course - is her unending supply of chunky knitwear. Why? How? Why??
3. I concede that the history of the corset is complicated, and its relationship to the suffrage movement in particular. But not only "misogynists" were against it. The suffrage movement of the mid 1800s was, like the feminist movement today, a great number of people with varying opinions. The reformers of that era concerning dress tended to be radicals, whereas Anthony was always at best a liberal (shortly after the civil war, she complained that "greasy spics and foreigners" had the right to vote, while Congress' own wives and daughters did not.) But Louisa May Alcott, pro-suffrage and not a misogynist, has a scene in I think Rose in Bloom where the protagonist is given a bloomer outfit because her doctor uncle wants her to be healthy and unconstrained. I do agree the narrative of progress, with everything getting better, is a highly inaccurate one; but Anthony's suffrage partner, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, has written to her that going up and downstairs in long skirts with a baby in one hand and a candle in the other was dangerous. Women did catch fire and burn to death in their dresses, in those days before electricity and non-inflammable materials. The corset was known, or believed, to interfere with the body shape for childbirth; and the constant fainting of ladies in Victorian novels actually reflected the difficulty breathing during times of stress while wearing a corset.
1. I think you may have misunderstood me, because that the women's rights movement was not monolithic was my point. People have a tendency to equate the fight for the vote with the fight for dress reform, and because the suffrage movement was so broad and populous, this gives/they have the impression that a lot more women were vocally anti-corset than actually were. It wasn't only misogynistic doctors and commentators that were against the corset, but those were the more numerous and more mainstream anti-corset voices, and that's something that really should be taken into account when people try - as they always do when corsets come up - to invoke the suffragists in general (or by name, because the women who really were against corsets aren't well-known enough and they pick, say, Susan B. instead of Matilda Jocelyn Gage) as support for 19th and early 20th century women in general not wanting to wear corsets.
Regarding fire - death by burning was actually fairly rare. There seems to have been a small spike during the 1850s-1860s, when the light materials used plus the airy structure of the hoop skirt led to a dropped candle or a brush near the fireplace being fatal for some actual documented cases. But for the most part, women's clothing didn't catch fire that easily. Wool, for example, smolders - it's modern, cheap fabrics that blaze up and/or melt into your skin. I'm not denying that going up stairs with a baby and a candle and no hand to hold up your skirt to keep you from tripping was bad, but like the dangers of corsets, the danger of fire is also overstated.
I've never noticed that much fainting in Victorian novels - I'm not really sure where the stereotype comes from. But I wouldn't take what fainting there is in them and in 18th century novels as indicative of people just mirroring real life. In Fanny Price and the Sentimental Genealogy of Mansfield Park, Amy J. Paul writes about the ideal of strong feelings completely overcoming the heroine in sentimental novels, to the point where they can't speak at all or pass out.
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