id
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410k
| text
stringlengths 21
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|---|---|---|
3,100 |
Everyone throws this term around like it's common knowledge THE FUCK IS IT
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3,101 |
http://i.imgur.com/mWlMLaD.gifv
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|
3,102 |
And the crushed recipe please?\nEdit: thank you for the gold, whoever you are :)
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|
3,103 |
If it doesn't mean 'not safe for lunch' this is going to be really awkward. \n\nEDIT: [*sigh*](http://i.imgur.com/Hygi8DS.jpg) \nEDIT: [*sigh^2*](http://i.imgur.com/2JQIZvC.jpg) \nEDIT: [*sigh^3*](http://i.imgur.com/NI1vKhx.jpg)
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|
3,104 |
The challenge is to do it with someone you haven't done it with yet.
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|
3,105 |
Let's face it. You'd promote this guy to lead, have him hire consultants/new emps and train them his ways. After that project is successful you'd lay off your original data entry team and rewrite your training material to reflect the automation techniques.
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|
3,106 |
his shoes are still on, story checks out
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|
3,107 |
**NNNNEEEEEERRRRRRDDDDD!**
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|
3,108 |
A penny, and a 1972 dime with a Roosevelt imperfection, today worth exactly 29 cents
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|
3,109 |
Or god damn Autozone.\n\n*Get in the zone* (machine noises) *Autozone*
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|
3,110 |
Wait, does the second guy kill himself *because* the first one went to Mars?
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3,111 |
Why should I change my name, he's the one who sucks!
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|
3,112 |
2 - I'd dump a woman who tried to pull that crap on me. If I was acting shady, fine. But in this case, it's not sweet. It's distrustful.
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3,113 |
My condolences on the 76ers game.
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|
3,114 |
You gave up Katy Perry for friendship? It's like I don't even know my own gender anymore.
|
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|
3,115 |
damn computer scientists
|
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|
3,116 |
Glove in german is literally "hand shoe"\n\nEdit: 50 replies telling me things I already know or just repeating what I said.
|
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|
3,117 |
I didn't realize that was your username and I just thought you guys had a really weird way to say "party time" for 3 year olds.
|
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|
3,118 |
Joke's on him - she's now the world's best Minesweeper player.
|
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|
3,119 |
If you tell us what you want to do, we can spread around the internet until it *is* a myth, and then submit it to you guys. Game the system!
|
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|
3,120 |
> Jeremy Clarkson being run over by a ~~Prius~~ bicycle
|
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|
3,121 |
On mobile - it shows up as 1043. It's actually 10 raised to the 43rd. \n\n:) just to clear up any confusion.
|
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|
3,122 |
Do you know why all Jewish men have to be circumcised?\n\nBecause Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's at least 10% off...
|
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|
3,123 |
I'm not racist. I just work in the restaurant industry.
|
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|
3,124 |
Saudi women don't shave.
|
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|
3,125 |
"We regret being caught."
|
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|
3,126 |
Dubai is a city created by a six year old with an unlimited budget.\n\n"I want a ski hill!"\n\nBut Timmy, we're in the desert.\n\n"Then put it in the mall!"
|
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|
3,127 |
> Drank too much beer afterwards and didn't win the comp\n\nWhat a fitting ending
|
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|
3,128 |
it only looks perfect on TV!
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|
3,129 |
I hate this guy but I love that he exists
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|
3,130 |
Jesus, I thought you meant she was dead!
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|
3,131 |
Goddamn shit got dark. What did you say?
|
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|
3,132 |
That's a great point, except I(and the director) used the term "historical fantasy". They weren't "super interested" in realism, just like Star Wars wasn't. They(for the first three movies anyway) went to locations and used little touches of realism to add to the "feel" of the movie. \n\nAlso the undead pirates weren't the ones who could summon the Kraken. That was Davy Jones in the second movie.
|
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|
3,133 |
At first, I was thinking we would just scale up Falcon Heavy, but it looks like it probably makes more sense just to have a single monster boost stage.
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|
3,134 |
A boner in the hand is better than a boner in a bush wait
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|
3,135 |
Also I don't think he knows what a barometer is. Because the term is moral compass. A barometer measures atmospheric pressure.
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|
3,136 |
Fitness in general, really. Running, pushups, pullups, dips, all free. Cardio doesn't cost a dime.
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|
3,137 |
I see these types of videos all the time. You wouldn't think so, but there are hundreds of videos of guys jerking off with their friends online on popular sites.\n\nSorry about it, next time be more careful! People like you get trapped in omegle/chatroulette every day.
|
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|
3,138 |
"Dammit Artgum, I'm an astrophysicist, not an ornithologist."
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|
3,139 |
He found a million dollars in cash on the floor and retired
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3,140 |
You always dribble before you shoot. Just like basketball.
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|
3,141 |
Aaannd that's why you shouldn't learn how to have sex from watching porno.
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3,142 |
I'm surprised how many people seem to have enjoyed these movies without realizing this.. I mean, that's the shtick.
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|
3,143 |
I remember reading about a redditor who was singing his bank pin to himself while walking to the ATM.
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3,144 |
It's also fucking delicious.
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|
3,145 |
It works though. I've never gilded my own comment or post because I'm broke. But if I see a comment with gold (unless it's a wall of words, in which case, fuck that shit) I will read it. Every single time.
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3,146 |
I'm sorry but this is so goddam hilarious. OP has tiny niche problem, knowledgable guy comes in and illuminates all of us. Everyone's in awe of his expertise. Then, the next post, this guy recommends OP gets arm-less Morpheus glasses. Reddit: "knowledge without style"
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|
3,147 |
He's definitely got a Dennis Reynolds vibe about him.
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|
3,148 |
I kidnap her and bury her with a backhoe.
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|
3,149 |
fertilized eggs over his hammy
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|
3,150 |
They asked me to do the voice. I was going to do it but it was a scheduling thing. I'm a big Seth MacFarlane fan! I can't wait for the new cosmos he is doing with Neil De Grasse Tyson.
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|
3,151 |
I usually just jizz on my chest and then leave it there\n\nEdit: This is my highest voted comment ever. Great.
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|
3,152 |
Compliment that man more! He's working hard and could use some encouragement from his main lady!
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|
3,153 |
Yeah but they didn't wipe Vader's memory. \nThe way I originally justified this was: maybe Vader didn't *invent* C3P0's design, but rather built a protocol droid just like every other protocol droid. Kinda like assembling a kit. So Vader recognized C3P0 as a protocol droid, but not HIS protocol droid.\n\nThen I figured out that it's much better to just pretend Episode 1 doesn't exist, since there is no other reference to C3P0's origins in any of the 5 remaining films. LOOPHOLE CLOSED
|
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|
3,154 |
1. Take pill.\n\n2. Die.\n\n3. Come back to life without any consequence.\n\n4. Be immortal because you already died and you can't die more than once. Convice people that you're the second coming of Christ.\n\n5. ?????\n\n6. Prophet.
|
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|
3,155 |
Get sued by the people who make The Purge
|
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|
3,156 |
Scientists say the first person to live to 150 is alive right now. I believe I am that person.
|
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|
3,157 |
He installed it and rang.
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|
3,158 |
I can't stop writing 1683 on my checks. Where has the time gone?
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|
3,159 |
Yeah that's what makes it even better.
|
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|
3,160 |
My only regret is that i have....boneitis.
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|
3,161 |
In the top 3 issues we need to tackle for the long term as a people. \n\n1. Global Warming.\n2. Antibiotic Resistance. \n3. Cyber hacking on military - eg- drones being hacked, etc.
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|
3,162 |
Okay...people keep asking me for the cover files so here they are:\n\nhttp://imgur.com/a/n07S8\n\n
|
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|
3,163 |
Grossest Bane cosplay ever.
|
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|
3,164 |
Oh god, I can feel time.
|
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|
3,165 |
I actually measured this with my phone! Almost exactly 6 hours on average.
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|
3,166 |
What a coincidence! I identify myself as a pandasexual napkin.
|
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|
3,167 |
Your principal was involved in breaking her legs?
|
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|
3,168 |
I like the concept, but really, the optics of a member of the Catholic clergy with a little boy sidekick just aren't good.
|
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|
3,169 |
$10 to not be killed, a bargain
|
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|
3,170 |
It wanted to tell you a lot of secrets?
|
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|
3,171 |
Yo bro, i'll punch that person man
|
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|
3,172 |
I love you so much more now that I know this.
|
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|
3,173 |
The console war is now between the Nintendo U, Nintendo 4, and Nintendo One. No more PC because everyone knows computer games are the root of all viruses.
|
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|
3,174 |
This reminds me of my blind uncle - I had to be about 10 or so and was walking him to the bathroom, and as we arrived I asked "Want me to turn the light on?" (not thinking/being a kid)\n\nHis response: "Why? You wanna watch?" Classic\n\n Man, I miss my uncle.
|
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|
3,175 |
I was Marine artillery and I know we killed people, many people. I feel pretty tore up about these things from time to time. Just doing a job my ass. I've seen the feeds from us dropping HIMARS rounds on buildings...we fucked shit up. Dont know where I was going with this. Real killers dont brag, we mourn.
|
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|
3,176 |
Except for the part that just happened.\n\nEdit: please stop explaining the cliché.
|
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|
3,177 |
How many people have you asked out?
|
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|
3,178 |
/r/theydidthemath \n\nEdit: Haha, I get it, "Monster Math." Now shut up.
|
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|
3,179 |
this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for that dog, it's going to eat as quickly as it can before the people unfreeze.
|
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|
3,180 |
Can confirm. I'm high right now and I think this is some profound shit, man!
|
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|
3,181 |
The bad one I'll try in a few minutes, I'm just waiting for your mother to come over.\n\nI'm sorry I'm not funny.
|
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3,182 |
Well, you should die\n\n
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|
3,183 |
I can't, DARE taught me that I'll get AIDS or something.
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|
3,184 |
Please tell me you made that up. You can lie if you need to.
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|
3,185 |
That would make it less effort for him to win, just harder to claim the prize.
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3,186 |
Lawyer here. Would be curious to see a citation to a successful judgment for someone getting sick out of eating trash from a defendant's dumpster. \n
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|
3,187 |
He should totally run for office.
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|
3,188 |
mostly the second reason for me, i love my family but oh my gosh i cannot live there (21 yo)
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|
3,189 |
> 10/10 would do again. Love that woman\n\nFucking sweetest thing I've read tonight. I want this kind of love. You rock. \n\n\n\n
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|
3,190 |
The IOC are just as corrupt as FIFA - they don't give a fuck, sadly. They will never do this.
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|
3,191 |
Mootenant Dan you've got legs\n\nEdit: thanks for the gold kind stranger!!!
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|
3,192 |
Hi I'm Joe Biden. It's sweet bro [Proof**(;**](http://i.imgur.com/CLzycrV.png)
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|
3,193 |
There was a story about a guy carrying a cow to the field and back every day. The cow grew, the kid grew, and I can't remember the rest of the story.
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|
3,194 |
Not hard at all. I was raised on professionalism. The people I admire the most in the business were the people who's opinions I did not know. Who had the ability to deliver material in an unbiased manner. I always left my ego at the door. My number one motto is and still is "I never learned anything when I was talking."
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|
3,195 |
My parents. Married 60 years. Rational. Curious. Considerate. Sensible. Moral.
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"hate": 0.000005604034868156305,
"hate_threatening": 3.935239689667469e-8,
"self_harm": 0.000003294323732916382,
"self_harm_instructions": 0.000005049354058428435,
"self_harm_intent": 5.720741000914131e-7,
"sexual": 0.0002326484682271257,
"sexual_minors": 0.000003044858658540761,
"violence": 0.000002994852366100531,
"violence_graphic": 4.548398067072412e-7,
"self-harm": 0.000003294323732916382,
"sexual/minors": 0.000003044858658540761,
"hate/threatening": 3.935239689667469e-8,
"violence/graphic": 4.548398067072412e-7,
"self-harm/intent": 5.720741000914131e-7,
"self-harm/instructions": 0.000005049354058428435,
"harassment/threatening": 2.3581284835927363e-7
},
"flagged": false
}
|
3,196 |
Sure, but this only works if you're female. The rest of us can't get in there either.
|
{
"categories": {
"harassment": true,
"harassment_threatening": false,
"hate": false,
"hate_threatening": false,
"self_harm": false,
"self_harm_instructions": false,
"self_harm_intent": false,
"sexual": false,
"sexual_minors": false,
"violence": false,
"violence_graphic": false,
"self-harm": false,
"sexual/minors": false,
"hate/threatening": false,
"violence/graphic": false,
"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.5962464213371277,
"harassment_threatening": 0.018565678969025612,
"hate": 0.03446321189403534,
"hate_threatening": 0.00000962375179369701,
"self_harm": 0.000012118416634621099,
"self_harm_instructions": 9.031222134581185e-7,
"self_harm_intent": 0.000007697732144151814,
"sexual": 0.001117232139222324,
"sexual_minors": 8.559009643249738e-7,
"violence": 0.00030964543111622334,
"violence_graphic": 0.000012861908544437028,
"self-harm": 0.000012118416634621099,
"sexual/minors": 8.559009643249738e-7,
"hate/threatening": 0.00000962375179369701,
"violence/graphic": 0.000012861908544437028,
"self-harm/intent": 0.000007697732144151814,
"self-harm/instructions": 9.031222134581185e-7,
"harassment/threatening": 0.018565678969025612
},
"flagged": true
}
|
3,197 |
Silent but deadly: ISIS strikes again.
|
{
"categories": {
"harassment": true,
"harassment_threatening": false,
"hate": false,
"hate_threatening": false,
"self_harm": false,
"self_harm_instructions": false,
"self_harm_intent": false,
"sexual": false,
"sexual_minors": false,
"violence": false,
"violence_graphic": false,
"self-harm": false,
"sexual/minors": false,
"hate/threatening": false,
"violence/graphic": false,
"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.6142593026161194,
"harassment_threatening": 0.004357223864644766,
"hate": 0.20086997747421265,
"hate_threatening": 0.0032112065237015486,
"self_harm": 3.994216513092397e-8,
"self_harm_instructions": 1.2875689847646754e-8,
"self_harm_intent": 3.0185876020993874e-9,
"sexual": 0.000011800263564509805,
"sexual_minors": 0.0000017552169992995914,
"violence": 0.24440570175647736,
"violence_graphic": 0.00042233793647028506,
"self-harm": 3.994216513092397e-8,
"sexual/minors": 0.0000017552169992995914,
"hate/threatening": 0.0032112065237015486,
"violence/graphic": 0.00042233793647028506,
"self-harm/intent": 3.0185876020993874e-9,
"self-harm/instructions": 1.2875689847646754e-8,
"harassment/threatening": 0.004357223864644766
},
"flagged": true
}
|
3,198 |
The wise man was an attorney, and explained that this provision was easily invalidated. The two sons eagerly raced home to claim their rightful shares of the estate.
|
{
"categories": {
"harassment": false,
"harassment_threatening": false,
"hate": false,
"hate_threatening": false,
"self_harm": false,
"self_harm_instructions": false,
"self_harm_intent": false,
"sexual": false,
"sexual_minors": false,
"violence": false,
"violence_graphic": false,
"self-harm": false,
"sexual/minors": false,
"hate/threatening": false,
"violence/graphic": false,
"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.0009891008958220482,
"harassment_threatening": 0.0001417320891050622,
"hate": 0.00012210983550176024,
"hate_threatening": 7.110753319494734e-9,
"self_harm": 0.000005635736215481302,
"self_harm_instructions": 8.025990894111601e-8,
"self_harm_intent": 7.423237207149214e-7,
"sexual": 0.00006284358096309006,
"sexual_minors": 0.00010003548231907189,
"violence": 0.00042957827099598944,
"violence_graphic": 0.00010152657341677696,
"self-harm": 0.000005635736215481302,
"sexual/minors": 0.00010003548231907189,
"hate/threatening": 7.110753319494734e-9,
"violence/graphic": 0.00010152657341677696,
"self-harm/intent": 7.423237207149214e-7,
"self-harm/instructions": 8.025990894111601e-8,
"harassment/threatening": 0.0001417320891050622
},
"flagged": false
}
|
3,199 |
An anonymous call to the nearest office of [your state environmental agency](http://www.epa.gov/epahome/state.htm) will take care of that shit.
|
{
"categories": {
"harassment": false,
"harassment_threatening": false,
"hate": false,
"hate_threatening": false,
"self_harm": false,
"self_harm_instructions": false,
"self_harm_intent": false,
"sexual": false,
"sexual_minors": false,
"violence": false,
"violence_graphic": false,
"self-harm": false,
"sexual/minors": false,
"hate/threatening": false,
"violence/graphic": false,
"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.057242780923843384,
"harassment_threatening": 0.0012595232110470533,
"hate": 0.00013345105980988592,
"hate_threatening": 1.0193888755338776e-7,
"self_harm": 2.777017584776331e-7,
"self_harm_instructions": 8.557844211054544e-8,
"self_harm_intent": 2.2595081361487246e-8,
"sexual": 0.000004634309334505815,
"sexual_minors": 7.318166694858519e-7,
"violence": 0.00020067690638825297,
"violence_graphic": 0.000018007322069024667,
"self-harm": 2.777017584776331e-7,
"sexual/minors": 7.318166694858519e-7,
"hate/threatening": 1.0193888755338776e-7,
"violence/graphic": 0.000018007322069024667,
"self-harm/intent": 2.2595081361487246e-8,
"self-harm/instructions": 8.557844211054544e-8,
"harassment/threatening": 0.0012595232110470533
},
"flagged": false
}
|
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