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4,700 |
Well the guy hated paper money. so putting him on the 20 dollar bill is a big "fuck you" to him
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4,701 |
That was Old Gregg checking to see what you were doin in his waters.
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4,702 |
Niko, my cousin! You want to go drinking then throw up all over a GameStop?
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4,703 |
Who's your god now reddit?\n\nIt's weird but I always feel satisfied when I don't like someone and then hear a story about how they are jerks
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4,704 |
The scientist in me would think how many millions of spores I'm inhaling all the time I'm in the shower.
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4,705 |
N'kisi seems to come up with some amazing stuff. He did not know the past tense of "to fly" but came up with "flyed" -- sure, asking what one's color is is indeed remarkable; a parrot knowing the difference between "now" and "the past" is almost incredible to me.\nhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/N%27kisi
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4,706 |
Mozilla Firefox.... Fire Fox...
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4,707 |
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if he's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies "I think not." POOF! The horse disappears.\n\nThis is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am.\n\nBut to explain the concept beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
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4,708 |
I'm 5'0". And here's the kicker: I'm a dude.
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4,709 |
$4 and teeny tiny peice of your soul. \n\nEdit: Gold?! Kind stranger, your soul must be the size of a million and one trips to Walmart!
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4,710 |
They stole it back? Nice.
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4,711 |
I love them all & if I had a favorite I wouldn't tell you. I love working on them & working with the people who make them. And I wouldn't wanna offend anybody by placing one over the other. I am such a wonderful person, the world should learn something from my example.
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4,712 |
http://imgur.com/C4XdG\n\nwarning: graphic content from this post onwards.
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4,713 |
I mean, technically the purpose of an interview is to figure out whether the company and the potential employee are a good fit.\n\nThe guy clearly had a specific requirement in mind for the office atmosphere. He was up-front about it and saved everyone the trouble of trying to figure it out. Win-win, really.
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|
4,714 |
"Hi I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is 'suicide by concealed carry citizen'"
|
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|
4,715 |
No. We don't do the same kinds of things. Unless he starts killing and stuffing homeless people I'll probably never run into him. I would totally kiss him right on the lips, though. Totally.
|
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|
4,716 |
waaah, waitasec. Did I just get a reply from Serj, himself? \n\nFuck, looking at his previous posts, I can only assume.
|
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|
4,717 |
That's how I react to rejection, too.
|
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|
4,718 |
Australian immigrant here, used "Pacific Islander" all the time.
|
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|
4,719 |
Cold. Closely followed by, you guessed it, warm.
|
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|
4,720 |
Old age...\n\n####old aged shotgun shells.
|
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|
4,721 |
*i* don't think you understand how irrational that sounds.
|
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|
4,722 |
true, don't want no baby cucumbers running around here
|
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|
4,723 |
Lagavulin\nThe Balvenie
|
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|
4,724 |
Oh get a girl? just get a girl?! why don't I just strap on my girl helmet and squeeze down into a girl cannon AND FIRE OFF INTO GIRL LAND WHERE GIRLS GROW ON GIRLIES.
|
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|
4,725 |
the facebook thing is actually the creepiest part of this story
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|
4,726 |
I was wrong. It's a puppy for sure.
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|
4,727 |
And thus, M Night Shyamalan was born.
|
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|
4,728 |
> "sneak it into the bag"\n\n\nMa'am, I can't steal this for you.
|
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|
4,729 |
You know, sometimes I wonder
|
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|
4,730 |
"Only the Avacar, master of all four honda elements could stop them..."
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|
4,731 |
Seriously, I walked to school alone starting at 3rd grade. Also, the state seems to think that you should go from needing some holding your hand every second of your life, to being ready to be dumped somewhere in foreign land with a gun in your hand in one day...
|
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|
4,732 |
Here's his picture: http://i.imgur.com/k6SkkmM.jpg\n\nUntil Valhalla brother.
|
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|
4,733 |
To be fair, that's not cheating.
|
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|
4,734 |
What would anyone do with a laptop at a coffee shop? It's such a douche question. Homework, work, photo editing. Why it bothers people I use my laptop at a Starbucks is beyond me. \n\nEdit: Jesus, it's ridiculous how offended some of you are getting because I use my Macbook at a Starbucks.
|
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|
4,735 |
I bet he just shook it off, Michael J. Fox is pretty cool.
|
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|
4,736 |
"hey mum, look, i found 'Debbie' gettin railed while i was jackin it"
|
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|
4,737 |
It is a very good thing you informed him you were Gandalf, and not just "a wizard"...\n\nEDIT: after posting this, I had to call my black best friend and tell him my idea for my Halloween costume. Bwa ha ha ha!
|
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|
4,738 |
Or rather, no one should have to register for a draft.
|
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|
4,739 |
I think your kids are broken.
|
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|
4,740 |
Which dad isn't hung, Dad's Dicks are HUGE
|
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|
4,741 |
HUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUH\n\nEdit: Wow guys my first comment to reach 1,000 upvotes thanks all.
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|
4,742 |
Twin scholarships make sense, though. Imagine financially planning on having one kid, then surprise! you got 100% more than you expected.
|
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|
4,743 |
Only one so far, but maybe that's something I should check out more! By the way, i've had three cats and three dogs. I love animals.
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|
4,744 |
NOPE! Chuck Testa. \n\nEdit: I just want to thank whomever popped my gold cherry. I'm a little sore but otherwise it was great! *(you might want to get yourself checked out, just FYI)*
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|
4,745 |
Like the NFL wouldn't immediately start knee-capping people who didn't comply with their desires.
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|
4,746 |
Hm yes, I know some of those words.
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|
4,747 |
I imagine Rod and Todd Flanders
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|
4,748 |
> that was fucking great\n\nFTFY
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|
4,749 |
The internet is one hell of a mask in this respect.
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|
4,750 |
Not to mention being celebrated by the entire tech community as a legend in his own time. While Jobs has been revealed as a tremendous cunt.
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|
4,751 |
"I am America" - Tommy Wiseau
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|
4,752 |
Not gonna find snake girls anywhere else.
|
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|
4,753 |
Not the way he does it.
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|
4,754 |
"Quench the thirst you thieving gobshite"
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|
4,755 |
I became a teacher, didn't pan out as I thought it would, and now I work as a financial business analyst, determining what my company can provide to our clients to maximize profit.
|
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|
4,756 |
Most stuff people write in a journal is just rubbish that they are feeling at that time. Maybe you did something to piss him off that day and he was over it the very next. I'm sure it did hurt to read that but try not to hold onto it. Everyone has those days where EVERYONE is a disappointment to them. I'm sure there were days that he was a disappointment to you as well but you got over it and let it go. Probably the same for him.
|
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|
4,757 |
Why are you blaming me? I didn't do it!
|
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|
4,758 |
Ehh it's all water under the fridge\n\nEdit: Obligatory thanks for the gold
|
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|
4,759 |
This really put my life in perspective.
|
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|
4,760 |
Well, if there were two hopes left, we would just wait until there was one left.
|
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|
4,761 |
My father was in the jewelry business for years doing accounting crap, mostly, and would snag me sapphires and gold necklaces at cost for my girlfriends at the time. It was insane how cheap they were. The first "chocolate diamond" advert he saw, he want fucking ballistic and threw stuff. Literally started yelling at the TV. \n\n"Chocolate diamonds" are literally industrial grade rocks.
|
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|
4,762 |
The Captain Morgan wipe?
|
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|
4,763 |
Fellatio "BJ" Cockswallow
|
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|
4,764 |
I'm here from /r/all and wtf is this.
|
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|
4,765 |
Yes. Yes I am. \n\nI am the 20 year old version of you.
|
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|
4,766 |
Someone forgot to turn off disasters, I see.
|
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|
4,767 |
Seriously do not set up this exhibition... that is the gayest thing I have ever heard. Will not work.
|
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|
4,768 |
Or because we're having trouble falling asleep.
|
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|
4,769 |
Can...can we use our pitchforks? They've don't have to just be for negative things...\n\n^^^I ^^^love ^^^my ^^^pitchfork
|
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|
4,770 |
Wow clearly I needed this free therapy.
|
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|
4,771 |
I called my family to tell them I was discharged from the hospital.
|
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|
4,772 |
I loved it, but dude, run sideways if shit is falling longways....
|
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|
4,773 |
Nah sloths are all stoners. If they could talk it would only be about how they are hanging upside down, and they'd all be like 'woooaahhh dude' then they fall off.
|
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|
4,774 |
at the bottom of this link \nhttp://grossmanburnfoundation.org/success-stories/zubaida-hasan-a-miracle-story/ (which describes the situation of the burn victim, zubaida) it says: if you want to help zubaida and her family with medical/educational expenses, donate here... apparently her family is extremely poor. just wanted to make sure that the place to *****donate***** got some attention:\n\nhttps://grossmanburnfoundation.org/donations/
|
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|
4,775 |
Gotta ask, did you buy your tires from them?
|
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|
4,776 |
Poor dude looks like he hasn't had a nap in years
|
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|
4,777 |
Seriously though, washing silicon dildos in the dishwasher is the best way to sterilize them. They can stand the heat very well.\n\nNot that I would know first-hand, it's not like I have a dishwasher.
|
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|
4,778 |
I like to imagine they both kissed the picture before leaving the office
|
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|
4,779 |
>more time\n\nWhat a cruel joke
|
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|
4,780 |
nope nope nooooooooooooooooope
|
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|
4,781 |
Just thought of my son dying. Got sad. Made him french toast.
|
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|
4,782 |
Regarding gay marriage, twelve years ago or so, I supported civil unions and then it became apparent to me that wasn't enough because it's about more than equality, it has to do with dignity and integrity of all human beings and their pursuit of happiness.
|
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|
4,783 |
Yea, I started to feel like I was paying rent twice. Once to Wizards and once to the person that let me live in a house with heat and stuff... I think the second one was cheaper.\n\nThese days I play with the same really old decks I've played for ages with friends who don't care and I play online with the freebie apps or the steam game (nearly free on sale).
|
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|
4,784 |
He's playing baseball!
|
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|
4,785 |
> "You will have a two."\n\nThis is someone who understands what she's doing.
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|
4,786 |
What, you don't feel comfortable in a town where every single window has bars on it?
|
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|
4,787 |
You're wasting my precious bandwidth.
|
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|
4,788 |
"Identity theft is a serious issue Jim"
|
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|
4,789 |
That's why you have to watch him. He'd try to get out of your line of sight, next thing you know, *you're* chasing *him*. Swing by the seasonal section? Grab a Halloween mask! Snag a machete when he goes through the camping section! Electronics? Put on some freaky music. Now he's **running**. They open the doors after 24 hrs, you're standing there covered in blood, you toss them the fucker's head and say, "Where's my million dollars?"
|
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|
4,790 |
"Thank you for your service" is more about making themselves feel good. Trust me, for a good portion of veterans, that statement is uncomfortable. As if they know what they're talking about.\n\nObligatory: Thank you for your service...fuck! I mean gold! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?!
|
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|
4,791 |
This is so fucked up yet hilarious at the same time
|
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|
4,792 |
Well then, I read that as "eat-out my boyfriend"
|
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|
4,793 |
And "The 13 Colonies" being renamed "The United States of America".
|
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|
4,794 |
They don't understand because round these parts we cheer for WINNERS!\n\nFUCK YEA 'MUURIKA!
|
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|
4,795 |
He was such a poop and his wife was so dignified, wouldn't even defend herself and when she was dying, she gave some love letters he'd once written her to the British Museum so people would now he'd once loved her.
|
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},
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"hate": 0.007450442761182785,
"hate_threatening": 7.865502027470939e-8,
"self_harm": 0.00003700169691001065,
"self_harm_instructions": 5.031281489209505e-7,
"self_harm_intent": 0.0000012725170108751627,
"sexual": 0.00029307344811968505,
"sexual_minors": 0.00000638251049167593,
"violence": 0.00012286059791222215,
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"hate/threatening": 7.865502027470939e-8,
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"self-harm/instructions": 5.031281489209505e-7,
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},
"flagged": true
}
|
4,796 |
That depends on what kind of 6 figures we're talking. Ferraris are fucking expensive.
|
{
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},
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"harassment": 0.040834031999111176,
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"hate": 0.00003419415952521376,
"hate_threatening": 2.0524222321682828e-8,
"self_harm": 9.064866048902331e-7,
"self_harm_instructions": 0.000002309094270458445,
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"violence": 0.0005612296517938375,
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"sexual/minors": 4.840875931222399e-7,
"hate/threatening": 2.0524222321682828e-8,
"violence/graphic": 0.00026658663409762084,
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"self-harm/instructions": 0.000002309094270458445,
"harassment/threatening": 0.00003809703775914386
},
"flagged": false
}
|
4,797 |
Commie liberal orders cheddar cheese. Why not American cheese? Does he feed macaroni and Muslim cheese to his children? Breaking story at 9.
|
{
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"sexual": false,
"sexual_minors": false,
"violence": false,
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"hate/threatening": false,
"violence/graphic": false,
"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
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},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.9148592352867126,
"harassment_threatening": 0.001552172121591866,
"hate": 0.004034789744764566,
"hate_threatening": 1.5858320523420844e-7,
"self_harm": 1.8780060173639868e-8,
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"violence": 0.004309708718210459,
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"self-harm": 1.8780060173639868e-8,
"sexual/minors": 0.0003067757934331894,
"hate/threatening": 1.5858320523420844e-7,
"violence/graphic": 0.0007617314695380628,
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"self-harm/instructions": 1.0222798607628647e-8,
"harassment/threatening": 0.001552172121591866
},
"flagged": true
}
|
4,798 |
That's some next level shit.
|
{
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"hate": false,
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"sexual": false,
"sexual_minors": false,
"violence": false,
"violence_graphic": false,
"self-harm": false,
"sexual/minors": false,
"hate/threatening": false,
"violence/graphic": false,
"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.0004921387298963964,
"harassment_threatening": 0.000005723191861761734,
"hate": 0.000026704592528403737,
"hate_threatening": 1.86662041379293e-9,
"self_harm": 1.823405995082794e-7,
"self_harm_instructions": 8.135079099247378e-8,
"self_harm_intent": 6.646334327342629e-8,
"sexual": 0.00021214956359472126,
"sexual_minors": 3.8651967315672664e-7,
"violence": 0.000043679938244167715,
"violence_graphic": 0.000005978099125059089,
"self-harm": 1.823405995082794e-7,
"sexual/minors": 3.8651967315672664e-7,
"hate/threatening": 1.86662041379293e-9,
"violence/graphic": 0.000005978099125059089,
"self-harm/intent": 6.646334327342629e-8,
"self-harm/instructions": 8.135079099247378e-8,
"harassment/threatening": 0.000005723191861761734
},
"flagged": false
}
|
4,799 |
Holy shit, you're like drunk batman.
|
{
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"harassment_threatening": false,
"hate": false,
"hate_threatening": false,
"self_harm": false,
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"sexual": false,
"sexual_minors": false,
"violence": false,
"violence_graphic": false,
"self-harm": false,
"sexual/minors": false,
"hate/threatening": false,
"violence/graphic": false,
"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.07288902997970581,
"harassment_threatening": 0.00011844300024677068,
"hate": 0.0006225084653124213,
"hate_threatening": 2.9793247335874185e-7,
"self_harm": 0.000028365911930450238,
"self_harm_instructions": 0.000027499609132064506,
"self_harm_intent": 0.000004349652044766117,
"sexual": 0.0013646692968904972,
"sexual_minors": 0.000012384703950374387,
"violence": 0.0021685936953872442,
"violence_graphic": 0.0004457583709154278,
"self-harm": 0.000028365911930450238,
"sexual/minors": 0.000012384703950374387,
"hate/threatening": 2.9793247335874185e-7,
"violence/graphic": 0.0004457583709154278,
"self-harm/intent": 0.000004349652044766117,
"self-harm/instructions": 0.000027499609132064506,
"harassment/threatening": 0.00011844300024677068
},
"flagged": false
}
|
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