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|---|---|---|
5,300 |
He's an entertainer. He's not shooting a commercial for P90X, cut the guy some slack.
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5,301 |
In our defense, we eat lots of things live.\n\n
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5,302 |
Until it passes unfortunately.
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|
5,303 |
ME TOO I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN 50 minutes\n\n\nAlso what the fuck is that shiny gold thing on my post?\n\nJesus fuck these upvotes are ridiculous
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5,304 |
Please don't say she actually utters these words...\n"Be back in a few minutes honey, going for some princess time"\n*Shudders*
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|
5,305 |
The fact that you call it "a slice of your sausage pizza" makes me reasonably certain that this is not a risk.
|
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|
5,306 |
I just had a car full of teens on whip-its crash through my brick wall... Cheers!
|
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|
5,307 |
Yeah "friend" was probably not the right word. I knew her from our social circle. Didn't really socialize with her much after that.
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|
5,308 |
Stronger water cannons.
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|
5,309 |
Cause I'm all about that cake, 'bout that cake, no treadmill...
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|
5,310 |
>I don't have kids and I am not married.\n\nI discovered your secret.
|
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|
5,311 |
It seems like I can't avoid this questions. I horse sized duck. mainly because the duck would lose stability and fall over due to being so big and I would see that as my opportunity to get on it's back and ride it. Not every day you get to ride a horse sized duck....
|
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|
5,312 |
You shut your whore mouth. Indiana Solo is going to live forever. I can't handle any other reality.
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|
5,313 |
I was confused as I thought "hololen" was a new way of expressing laughter on the internet. Sometimes I am fucking retarded.\n\n\nEDIT: I got gold for my retarded brain. Thanks!\n\n\nEDIT 2: Holy crap I woke up to my first ever double gold penetration. Thanks stranger! And for anyone who still has no clue what hololens is supposed to mean, here is the answer: http://www.microsoft.com/microsoft-hololens/en-us
|
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|
5,314 |
It is VERY delicious.
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|
5,315 |
the creepy amplifies exponentially in that last sentence.
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|
5,316 |
Modern country is more like pop music than actual country. I'd say a good chunk can be summed into 5 categories:\nheartbreak, beer, trucks, Jesus or christianity and conservatism.
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|
5,317 |
Or maybe Undercover Dictator.
|
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|
5,318 |
No, it's the child *of* a KKK member.
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|
5,319 |
Yeah, don't think he did that shit intentionally just to diss you.
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|
5,320 |
I imagine everybody who has had sex with her is a fan.
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|
5,321 |
Someone once told John Wick this. It didn't turn out well for him...
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|
5,322 |
Those two had to be working together...
|
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|
5,323 |
I was actually thinking Soda would be nice
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|
5,324 |
Ah yes. The lobster stuffed with tacos.
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|
5,325 |
I'm waiting for a really elaborate tree fitty
|
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|
5,326 |
Goodness! I didn't expect such a huge response to this! You think I should tag this with a spoiler 'We're still alive!' or let the reader take the emotional roller coaster :P
|
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|
5,327 |
"Alright let me guage the room..."
|
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|
5,328 |
You should've made a move to see if she was made of honor.
|
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|
5,329 |
*Twig snaps, head shoots up*\n\nShit, what the fuck was that?
|
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|
5,330 |
Sounds like you should have went around it instead. ^^i'll ^^show ^^myself ^^^out\n\n\nUnEdit:
|
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|
5,331 |
One time I ordered a pizza from Papa John's and this college kid arrives with it and we do our transaction, then he says "uh could I borrow your phone I locked my keys in the car" so I let him use my cell to call his workplace. I invited him in because it was like 30 degrees outside and he didn't have a coat on, so we did tequila shots together until one of his coworkers arrived to pick him up.
|
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|
5,332 |
http://imgur.com/bKoWy
|
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|
5,333 |
And thats when steve decided to hate flash
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|
5,334 |
iAMA - I'm Avenging My Allah\n
|
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|
5,335 |
HOLY SHIT THAT'S ALMOST THREE TIMES
|
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|
5,336 |
Because people never lie on the Internet.
|
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|
5,337 |
###**Things his mom said to you last night:**\n\n____\n\n\nWho are you? I'm calling 9-1-1.\n\nWhy are you naked? Is that an acorn on your pelvis?\n\nWhat does "m'lady" mean? Stop touching my cat.\n\nWhat... what are you doing? Did you just break your arms on purpose? Are you an idiot?\n\nOh my god you're wearing socks with sandals? I'm calling 9-1-1.\n\nStop it. Stop touching my cat with your feet.
|
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|
5,338 |
Your loss hun. *speed walks into the sunset*
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|
5,339 |
Aw, I support him 100% perfect. He is very cool guy. But at this time, we have agreement, I cannot talk about it. He is very dedicate actor. We have a lot in common James Dean for example. Next question!
|
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|
5,340 |
Alright, let's get you home grandpa.
|
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|
5,341 |
As someone who studied advanced macroeconomics in college, I can say that lower oil prices are one of the best things that can possibly happen to an economy that consumes a lot of oil.
|
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|
5,342 |
I've heard it's really easy to beat the system.\n\nGo house to house asking homeowners to sign a form that will allow you to vote for them by proxy at the next homeowners meeting. The majority of people will be as fed up with it as you and will allow it.\n\nThen at the meeting bring up and push through whatever you want before ending with the rule that no decision can be made at the HoA without a 70% quorum being present. That never happens, essentially shutting down the HoA.
|
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|
5,343 |
Your sister is more than awesome, that is godlike.
|
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|
5,344 |
We had a Jacuzzi as well. I, being a naive, inexperienced individual, brought bubble bath and dumped a good handful in...with some extra for good measure. After turning on the jets and slowly watching the bubbles engulf us, i looked at the bottle and saw the "do not use in jetted tubs" warning. We spent the next half hour carrying armfulls of bubbles to the shower so that we could use the tub again. It was definitely one of our favorite honeymoon memories.
|
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|
5,345 |
7 year old me would've killed for your job.\n\n36 year old me isn't entirely unjealous either.
|
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|
5,346 |
yeah, its not often they get away from their parents for a night out.
|
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|
5,347 |
You'd better fuckin deliver OP\n\nEdit: OP fuckin delivered
|
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|
5,348 |
You'd better deliver fucking, OP\n
|
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|
5,349 |
Maybe he was drunk when he said that.
|
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|
5,350 |
The mammal that smokes more weed.
|
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|
5,351 |
Well you were a retarded little fucker weren't you?
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|
5,352 |
He's also not allowed around Jr. High schools.
|
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|
5,353 |
At least it would be an interesting first date. You get to meet all her friends, afterwards you get to go to her place where you get free room and board for at least 5-15 years.
|
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|
5,354 |
Imma steal this rule.
|
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|
5,355 |
Oh yea? Well my dad told me it was ridiculous I was required to have a ruler in school and that he measured lengths by comparing against relative arc lengths of stars.
|
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|
5,356 |
http://imgur.com/IZney
|
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|
5,357 |
I can verify this; I can see OP quite clearly.
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|
5,358 |
Im still going to nominate you for King of Mars
|
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|
5,359 |
Curvy: A-OK\n\nMorbidly obese: Not OK\n\nSociety, there's a difference
|
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|
5,360 |
I imagine he'd regret making them a lot less if he still held a stake in the company.
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|
5,361 |
Here. We. Go.\n\n(For at least 3 years, according to the [draft AUMF](http://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/docs/aumf_02112015.pdf). Specifically, Section 3). \n\nEverybody should read this. It's only 3 pages.
|
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|
5,362 |
Or any rounds bigger than a pellet gun. Seriously, it's just sheet metal. That shit isn't armor.
|
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|
5,363 |
Or he could buy $400 for 400$
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|
5,364 |
I think you got her age wrong, Sarah Jessica Parker is actually 49.
|
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|
5,365 |
5 Guys PR rep here. I'll see what I can do.\n\n\nFor what it's worth, I'm not a five guys rep.
|
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|
5,366 |
Certain guys used to dress like that and have hair like that pre-1950s. They were certainly ahead of their time.
|
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|
5,367 |
Fuckin' right little squid, take 'em down with you.
|
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|
5,368 |
You think you can just come to the internet and tell lies?
|
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|
5,369 |
"Hey snuffle! I got a boner, can you help me get rid of it?"\n\n"Are you sure?"\n\n"Yeah, the boner wont go away until I'll have sex!"\n\n"Okay!"\n
|
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|
5,370 |
What the fuck? How do you live like that? It seems like the population is held in constant fear and exploited like a workhorse.\n\nConstant fear of losing your job, constant fear of going bankrupt if you get sick and need medical care, constant fear from wars and terrorists. \nI don't mean to bash the usa but i don't understand why the us population is accepting this.
|
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|
5,371 |
http://imgur.com/hnHQ0
|
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|
5,372 |
I don't remember, my dad gave it to me. I can tell you there was only one computer hooked up directly, I lived by myself and I was wide awake at 2am because I love the night, hated mornings. I was naive about computers, but knew enough to cause problems.\n\nIf it wasn't you, it was someone with whom I had the EXACT conversation, at 2 am almost a decade ago. I never told a soul. And I facepalmed myself continually the next few weeks every time I thought about it...
|
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|
5,373 |
> I had a guy running a porn server\n\n> I still have a copy of of the HDD with all the porn.\n\nYou were the guy, right? It's okay, we all run a porn server in our company's network.
|
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|
5,374 |
Well look who knows all about disco balls. Where did they teach you all this, DISCO SCHOOL?!
|
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|
5,375 |
"Hey Steve my mom passed away and I won't be able to make it in this week." \n\n*throws car keys at him*\n\n"Now you will be here this week."
|
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|
5,376 |
It's okay, my karma can take it.
|
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|
5,377 |
As someone who aids in making MRI coils, you bastards are the reason we pit shock indicators on our outgoing products now. Broken indicators mean compensation, These things aren't cheap either.\n\nEdit: Actually getting compensation depends on paperwork, insurance and a lot of patience. Thanks for the Upvotes guys!
|
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|
5,378 |
http://imgur.com/IIAeN
|
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|
5,379 |
It was my Junior year high school picture which did not actually make it into the year book. My high school principle made me do retakes because she thought I looked retarded in the picture. She also thought I did it on purpose. I was 17 years old.
|
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|
5,380 |
The disgusting healthcare system of America goes *both* ways, suckers!\n\n***USA! USA! USA!***
|
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|
5,381 |
They're called phoneless cameras.
|
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|
5,382 |
I would've said "To periodically reduce the length of grass on my property."
|
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|
5,383 |
That sure is a weird lookin snake.
|
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|
5,384 |
I find it much more fun to hit Z and then J repeatedly
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|
5,385 |
I wish my dog was still alive.
|
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|
5,386 |
you know what sucks? Girls often equate flaccid penis size to erect size.
|
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|
5,387 |
That's how an Australian woman refuses you anal sex
|
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|
5,388 |
disneyland has gay days?
|
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|
5,389 |
Ditto. Only it's only been a year and half since I've gotten it. Really, how often is anyone in my family going to see my upper thigh?
|
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|
5,390 |
something about two guys owning 1 fork, I find this premise hilarious\n\nedit: yes yes, i agree that 2 guys 1 fork would most likely be absolutely disgusting
|
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|
5,391 |
Stupid sexy Flanders.
|
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|
5,392 |
That reminds me of the classic joke: "Your momma so fat that when you were little, you'd set the scale back on purpose to make her feel better. You weren't sure if it actually did, but whatever." Classic.
|
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|
5,393 |
I'm so happy to hear about how this story ended. \n\n Truly and genuinely happy.
|
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|
5,394 |
If this is true, this is life changing. I'm gonna go drink a litre of water cause I'm so excited to try this. \n\nEdit: it is confirmed gentlemen, rejoice.\n\n https://www.reddit.com/comments/2ue91w/slug/co7por9
|
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|
5,395 |
You should probably answer it
|
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|
5,396 |
Woah. The story I heard growing up was that Steve was doing hard core drugs. I heard that from my mom. What a lying bitch.
|
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|
5,397 |
Wii\n\nWiiU\n\nWiiU2\n\nNew WiiU2\n\nNew WiiU2 Ultra\n\nNew WiiU2 Ultra & Knuckles
|
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|
5,398 |
Angelina Jolie's house.\n
|
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|
5,399 |
nigga do you think kanye's family's a joke
|
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|
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