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5,600 |
I have been lurking reddit for a while and I honestly find the community more interesting than other social media sites. Since there seemed to be an interest I thought it would be something I'd like to do.
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5,601 |
This is why kids have trust issues
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5,602 |
http://i.imgur.com/ZrpJq.jpg
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5,603 |
Upvoted because I enjoy the discomfort of others.
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5,604 |
The Latinos … have mutated.
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5,605 |
That's not very G rated.
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5,606 |
> "Yeah this subreddit has really gone downhill since I joined in 2014"\n\nCoincidence? I don't think so
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5,607 |
http://imgur.com/nHiG8
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5,608 |
>//15 year tech veteran here so I too know how to make cheese.\n\nI guess after 15 years of googling shit every day you know just about everything.
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5,609 |
The teams seemed a little bit stacked.
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5,610 |
Huh, apparently he isn't. He sure *sounds* black...
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5,611 |
Why do people rub their penises on touchpads in San Francisco?\n
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|
5,612 |
Actually there are 26\n
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|
5,613 |
You're spending way too much on machetes. Who is your machete guy?
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|
5,614 |
My mom has a colleague who has only one tablecloth he ever uses for parties. This thing is covered in wine stains. Every time he has a dinner party, right before they begin to eat, he calls for attention, then takes his glass and spills a little wine on the table. "The host has now spilled his wine," he says. "You may now feel free to make a mess without being embarrassed."\n\nI'm totally doing this when I can afford a tablecloth.
|
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|
5,615 |
Is that where they farm the mentally ill?
|
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|
5,616 |
My wife is a licensed cosmetologist. Showering 3 times a day is horrible for your skin and hair.\n\nEDIT: My wife, in response to a few requests, has starteded an AmA thread. This is the link, ask away. \n\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/2rnopy/i_am_a_cosmetologist_i_have_7_years_under_my_belt/?sort=confidence
|
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|
5,617 |
I texted her something along the lines of "I thought you weren't coming to the game?". She of course never replied
|
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|
5,618 |
You woulda thought his Spider Senses woulda kicked in before he hit the wall.
|
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|
5,619 |
"OK, I'll take the backstreet boys CD, you take britney spears..."
|
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|
5,620 |
Sometimes I wish instead of up voting the comment I could go to this persons house (the lady) and put a big orange arrow on her door.
|
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|
5,621 |
Most all TV shows have lower ratings this season. Also NBC didn't promote us one bit.\n
|
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|
5,622 |
God liked saturn, so he put a ring on it.
|
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|
5,623 |
Stick a forklift in it; we're done.
|
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|
5,624 |
I don't poop. My body's working at 100% efficiency.
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|
5,625 |
As a male, thank you for this
|
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|
5,626 |
This man has been waiting 5 years for this moment. I applaud his dedication.
|
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|
5,627 |
This is how it starts.
|
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|
5,628 |
>was so nervous around me that he visibly twitched every time I got within a foot of him.\n\n[Once reddit catches wind of this](http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/web05/2012/1/20/14/anigif_enhanced-buzz-2415-1327086304-23.gif)
|
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|
5,629 |
Remove your relationship status on facebook. If anyone asks why you did that, just tell them “What love we’ve given, we’ll have forever. What love we fail to give, will be lost for all eternity. That is all that matters." Then tip your fedora and skate away on your Heelys
|
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|
5,630 |
Ha ha ha, this thread is making me want to date a twin just so I can date someone.\n\n... :(
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|
5,631 |
I am sure he will be happy with any entry level position.
|
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|
5,632 |
he literally tore himself a new one.
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|
5,633 |
Shoulda gone with stainless steel instead of rare earth magnets on that prince albert bro
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|
5,634 |
What restaurant is this I live in Memphis.
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|
5,635 |
I didn't. "Oh two dudes gettin hitched. Little cliché to do it on Valentine's Day but whatever floats their fabulous boat."\n\nEDIT: For the people saying they look alike, I didn't look that close. For the people pointing out the "known since birth" part, I just assumed their parents were friends or neighbors and they had grown up together. \n\nEDIT2: I get it, you all thought it was incest. You're all sick and I need to pay more attention.
|
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|
5,636 |
Nice try Simon\n\nEdit: Don't let him fool you! He is not trustworthy like he claims!
|
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|
5,637 |
This assault...\n\n( •_•) \n\n( •_•)>⌐■-■ \n\n(⌐■_■)\n\n...was a textbook case.
|
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|
5,638 |
"Get your shit together, America. Kids don't belong in prison."\n\n>kids who kidnapped an 87 year old woman and poured bleach down her throat\n\n"Hang, draw, and quarter those punks like it's 1699."
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|
5,639 |
I think my dick just fell off. \n\nThat was awesome.
|
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|
5,640 |
"What the fuck his ult did like 3k damage how is that legit" - Leonardo Da Vinci, 1496
|
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|
5,641 |
Zoom has been around for awhile though
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|
5,642 |
Idk, kanye's new album was pretty tight.
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5,643 |
>Indigenous People's *last* Day.
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5,644 |
also a claims adjuster - this statement is correct. tell him to pound sand\n\n^Edit: oh my, what have I done!
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5,645 |
It couldn't handle the environment of upstate New York because there were llamas in it.
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|
5,646 |
Am I the only person who just straight up says, "Hey I forgot your name and I don't want to keep acting like I know it, what is it again?"\n\nPeople rarely even get offended.
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|
5,647 |
I snore. I wipe standing up, in a kind of feral crouch.
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|
5,648 |
Meg literally tried to rape a dog though... I don't think she's misunderstood.
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|
5,649 |
Shit dude how'd you get TWO?
|
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|
5,650 |
With motivational speeches like that I'm amazed the team wasn't doing better.
|
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|
5,651 |
In iceland it's a thing to let babies sleep in the cold, helps their immune system develop or something. So when babies are going for a nap they'll be left in a stroller on the balcony or whatever. Or if you're out at a cafe leave them outside. It's pretty cool.
|
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|
5,652 |
I literally held my breath as I read through this.
|
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|
5,653 |
As a regular sized biologist, it's very scary!
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|
5,654 |
Or California, Pennsylvania
|
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|
5,655 |
OP is a funny guy, rip sleep\n
|
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|
5,656 |
The one in the middle looks like Dee from it's always sunny
|
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|
5,657 |
*The Dark Knight Rises* ಠ_ಠ
|
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|
5,658 |
Did the same. Girl friend caught me and asked what the hell I was doing, putting that much fabric softner in my laundry.\n\nTo which I replied, "What the hell is fabric softner?"
|
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|
5,659 |
*Frank hides a dead chicken behind his back.*
|
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|
5,660 |
So if he tells her the current password, they break up and she becomes his ex, and the password changes to her name to keep up with the ex rule. Now she would have no reason to be mad because the password is simply her name and they get back together. \n\nThe ex girlfriend password paradox.
|
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|
5,661 |
It's the emptiest victory ever!
|
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|
5,662 |
http://i.imgur.com/Ahhkcq3l.jpg
|
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|
5,663 |
Also, the place as "Costa" in it's name. How much more costal do you get than that?
|
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|
5,664 |
"Happy birthday, Mom!"\n\n"Oh, thank you, sweetie! Thank you so... oh."\n\n"What is it? Don't you like it?"\n\n"It's lovely, dear. A woman can never have too many reposts."\n\n"But... but this isn't a repost! I got all these celebrities to sign cards for you! It's original content!"\n\n"Yes, honey, but the idea isn't. This is why your brother is my favorite."
|
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|
5,665 |
Be attractive. Don't be unattractive.
|
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|
5,666 |
NASA linked Wikipedia! In your face, old high school teachers
|
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|
5,667 |
* Strength - How many tomatoes you can carry\n* Dexterity - How many of those tomatoes you keep from dropping\n* Constitution - How far you can carry those tomatoes\n* Intelligence - Knowing a tomato is a fruit\n* Wisdom - Not putting tomatoes in a fruit salad\n* Charisma - Selling someone a fruit salad with tomatoes in it
|
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|
5,668 |
WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?
|
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|
5,669 |
You were under there so long you shit yourself?
|
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|
5,670 |
This was my thought.\n\nLike, no shit, how many 9 year olds go to movies by themselves?
|
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|
5,671 |
God Karen, you can't just ask people why they went to jail.
|
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|
5,672 |
You should never cancel interviews or stop looking for work until you've actually signed a letter of offer
|
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|
5,673 |
Wise words from Terry Pratchett: the IQ of a crowd is the IQ of its most stupid member divided by the number of people in it.
|
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|
5,674 |
If every good deed was rewarded with a snickers bar the world would probably be a much better place.
|
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|
5,675 |
I lack a few things. \n\n1. Being female\n\n2. Having virginity\n\n
|
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|
5,676 |
I also remember pitching a joke for one of the treehouse of horror episodes where Burns is taking Homer's brains out of his head and puts it on his own with the brain stem hanging down and says "Look at me! I'm Davey Crockett!" and then laughing at my own joke(which I never do and is not considered good form) for five minutes, falling on the floor and possibly farting. Embarrassing but true.
|
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|
5,677 |
The "who is this" is worse.
|
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|
5,678 |
My first reaction was to come here to say "Thank you, Jupiter, for possibly saving our ass yet again."
|
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|
5,679 |
Car? *check*\n\nNot Piece of shit? *check*\n\nYeah man sounds like you're better than most. \n\n\n\n
|
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|
5,680 |
Born too late to explore the world. Born too early to explore the universe.
|
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|
5,681 |
He's been playing gay peek-a-boo his whole career . . .
|
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|
5,682 |
That's just how Christopher Walken pronounces it.
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5,683 |
The fear is, "what drives them to do good if they don't believe in God?"\n\nApparently, if these Christians find out there's no God, they will then proceed to rape and pillage.
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5,684 |
Actually the last time we saw each other in person, I was sitting in a bar nursing a drink for some reason. He staggered in, sat down next to me and started trying to cadge a drink. He said, "I know you." I finished my drink, said "You should, I'm your son." Walked out and never saw him again.
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5,685 |
i'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that the prenup was a social event for them. all i can think of is the couple who counted the damn beanie babies in front of a judge when they got divorced...
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|
5,686 |
From what I can tell, it's about Chris Hemsworth punching people.
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|
5,687 |
http://i.imgur.com/tNzc5.jpg
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|
5,688 |
I'm not going to downvote you, because you're entitled to your opinion, but on behalf of smart girls everywhere... UGHHHHH. \n\nI'd rather grow old and die alone than have to pretend to be dumb just so a guy will like me.
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|
5,689 |
http://gfycat.com/DecimalGrimAlligatorsnappingturtle
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|
5,690 |
And this is also why China is becoming the huge economy that they are. They're doing it by sacrificing their health and environment.\n\n*Edit: And obviously they're dumping poisons into the ground water, air, and ocean, so we're all affected.*\n\n*Edit 2: I can't believe I've gotten so many upvotes just for stating the obvious. :(*
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|
5,691 |
TIL good sense of humor = unfunny boardwalk t-shirt
|
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|
5,692 |
I do countdowns for a lot of things but almost never actually move when I get to 0
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|
5,693 |
"Reddit, I didn't get much love last time I posted (she got 1,400 upvotes), but let's see if these can win you back (pics of her butthole)"
|
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|
5,694 |
When you feel like you can't get any attention, even the slightest amount will stir up emotions.
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|
5,695 |
Honestly don't understand why people downvote comments like these. It's the first thing that came to my mind. 6 years and he flips like this? That's just bizarre, and worth checking with a doctor. Yeah, get yourself out of the danger zone (Lana! Danger Zone!) but also tell him to get to the hospital.\n
|
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|
5,696 |
Kevin's parents were also dumb as a post: \n> Kevin's dad wrote tuition checks and mailed them to me...his English teacher. This was a public school. \n\n> Kevin's mom could never remember which school he went to. She missed several meetings because she drove to other schools \n\n[Link to original thread](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/219w2o/whos_the_dumbest_person_youve_ever_met/cgbhkwp)
|
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|
5,697 |
Like some sort of paper fruit roll up for your ass
|
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|
5,698 |
Norway here. we agree.
|
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}
|
5,699 |
If there's no where to change my son I go to the car and change him there. If he cries I take him outside till he stops. I'd rather get up and go outside a hundred times before being "that mom".
|
{
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},
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}
|
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