jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Wow. How do you do that thing with your feet?
The moonwalk?
No, that thing with your feet.
Here look. Just raise your heel a bit and put a little pressure on the ball of your foot.
Hee hee hee...
You seem like a nice guy. Why'd they put you in here?
Because I wore a pink shirt.
I understand. People thought I was crazy for the way I dressed.
What'd you wear?
One white glove, covered with rhinestones.
Bbl--bbl--bbl--bbl--
Bart, in the split second before he died, I bet Scratchy appreciated his birthday present. You see how this relates to us?
Hey, you want that once a year empty gesture. You got it, sis.
Hey, Michael, I don't get it. These guys seem as normal as you and me.
Homer, this is Floyd. He's an idiot savant. Give him any two numbers and he can multiply them in his head, just like that.
Okay. Five times nine.
Forty-five.
We call this guy the Chief. He's been here since 1968. Never says a word, never moves a muscle.
Hey, Chief.
Well, it's about time somebody reach out to me.
Gee, I gotta call my family.
Oh, this is so embarrassing, calling 'em from a nut house. I mean, they think I'm a god.
I could call them for you.
Oh great! And uh, try to put a good face on this. Tell them this is one of those places where rich women lose weight.
Joe's Crematorium. You kill 'em, we grill 'em.
Hello. Who is this?
I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?
I'm Michael Jackson.
The Michael Jackson? No way!
It's true. I'm with your father, in a mental institution.
Uh-huh. And is Elvis with you?
He could be. It's a big hospital.
Aw, come on. If you're really Michael Jackson, who were your last four dates for the Grammys?
Brooke Shields, Diana Ross, Emmanuel Lewis and Bubbles.
Shiver me timbers, you are Michael Jackson. Can you stay on the line while I get all my friends and relatives?
I'm afraid not, Bart. Your father really needs your help. You don't want him to get a lobotomy, do you?
Hmmmm, lobotomy...
That's all right, son.
Well, there's probably a down-size I don't see. Uh-huh... New Bedlam Asylum... loves us... needs us... fears he may never see us again... Got it... Michael Jackson. Whoo-hoo! I love you, man.
Hey Mom, Dad's in a mental institution.
Oh my God! Mother was right.
Now Homer, don't you worry. Your family's gonna be here before you know it.
Forget it, pal, there's only one way out of here and it ain't pretty.
What's that?
Dating a nurse.
I told you kids you were going to send your father to the crazy house.
No, mom, you said poor house.
I said crazy house!
Poor house.
Crazy house!
Poor house.
Crazy house!
Hello, you've reached the New Bedlam "Wrongly Committed" Hotline. All of our operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line.
What's wrong, Homer?
This place is so strange. Mike, I'm ashamed to admit it to another guy, but I'm... scared.
We all get scared once in a while. Maybe I can help you.
HOMER, THE TWO OF US NEED LOOK NO MORE / WE BOTH FOUND WHAT WE WERE LOOKING FOR / WITH A FRIEND TO CALL MY OWN / I'LL NEVER BE ALONE / AND YOU MY FRIEND WILL SEE / YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME.
Pancakes... football... Boobies...
Bubbles, it's gonna be a long night.
I WISH YOU LOVE AND GOOD WILL / I WISH YOU PEACE AND JOY /
Please feel free to express yourselves. In these sessions we want you to feel relaxed and uninhibited.
Okay, so I was working at an insurance company, right? Huh! Youngest VP in the history of the firm. Okay? The job was my life. Then one Monday morning, I got up and I couldn't leave the house. I just couldn't.
Was the door locked?
No, I just couldn't face what was out there.
Was it raining?
No, Homer. Dave suffers from agoraphobia -- a fear of open areas and crowds. Please, Dave, go on.
Thank you. Anyway, that day I knew I-I just couldn't make that long drive to work.
Were you out of gas?
Mrs. Simpson, I'm sorry but your husband suffers from a persecution complex, extreme paranoia, and bladder hostility.
Doctor, if you just talked to him for five minutes without mentioning our son, Bart, you'd see how sane he is.
You mean there really is a Bart? Good Lord!
Mmm... pancakes.
Oh, Mr. Simpson, you've got a visitor.
Oh, Homie.
Mr. Simpson, after talking to your wife, we believe you're no threat to yourself or others.
That's the most flattering thing anyone has ever said to me. Could I have it in writing, please?
Of course.
Not insane.
I'm proud of you, Homer.
Thanks a lot, Michael. You really helped me get through this. If you ever find your marbles, come visit us.
Well, how about today? I'm only here voluntarily.
You are? Why?
Well, back in 1979, I got real depressed when my "Off the Wall" album just got one lousy Grammy nomination.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME / HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME / HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OVERLOOKED MIDDLE CHILD -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.
Joe's Taxidermy. You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em.
Boy, when I get home, I'm going to wrap my hands around your neck --
-- And smother you with kisses.
Homer, whatever they've got you on, cut the dose.
Now listen. I'm bringing Michael Jackson home to stay with us for a few days... Isn't that cute -- he's heard of you! Now, make sure we have plenty of cold cuts, and put some beer on ice.
Um Homer, I'm a vegetarian. And I don't drink.
Are you sure you're here voluntarily?
Yes. Now Homer, please make sure he doesn't tell anybody I'm coming.
Yes Dad, I solemnly swear I will not tell another living soul... No, not even Milhouse.
Hello, Milhouse? Can you keep a secret?
Oh well, who cares. Michael Jackson is coming to my house!
Michael Jackson!
Michael Jackson!
Michael Jackson!
Aunt Bella! Wait a minute. I got a call on the other line. Michael Jackson!
Michael Jackson!

Wow. How do you do that thing with your feet?

The moonwalk?

No, that thing with your feet.

Here look. Just raise your heel a bit and put a little pressure on the ball of your foot.

Hee hee hee...

You seem like a nice guy. Why'd they put you in here?

Because I wore a pink shirt.

I understand. People thought I was crazy for the way I dressed.

What'd you wear?

One white glove, covered with rhinestones.

Bbl--bbl--bbl--bbl--

Bart, in the split second before he died, I bet Scratchy appreciated his birthday present. You see how this relates to us?

Hey, you want that once a year empty gesture. You got it, sis.

Hey, Michael, I don't get it. These guys seem as normal as you and me.

Homer, this is Floyd. He's an idiot savant. Give him any two numbers and he can multiply them in his head, just like that.

Okay. Five times nine.

Forty-five.

We call this guy the Chief. He's been here since 1968. Never says a word, never moves a muscle.

Hey, Chief.

Well, it's about time somebody reach out to me.

Gee, I gotta call my family.

Oh, this is so embarrassing, calling 'em from a nut house. I mean, they think I'm a god.

I could call them for you.

Oh great! And uh, try to put a good face on this. Tell them this is one of those places where rich women lose weight.

Joe's Crematorium. You kill 'em, we grill 'em.

Hello. Who is this?

I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?

I'm Michael Jackson.

The Michael Jackson? No way!

It's true. I'm with your father, in a mental institution.

Uh-huh. And is Elvis with you?

He could be. It's a big hospital.

Aw, come on. If you're really Michael Jackson, who were your last four dates for the Grammys?

Brooke Shields, Diana Ross, Emmanuel Lewis and Bubbles.

Shiver me timbers, you are Michael Jackson. Can you stay on the line while I get all my friends and relatives?

I'm afraid not, Bart. Your father really needs your help. You don't want him to get a lobotomy, do you?

Hmmmm, lobotomy...

That's all right, son.

Well, there's probably a down-size I don't see. Uh-huh... New Bedlam Asylum... loves us... needs us... fears he may never see us again... Got it... Michael Jackson. Whoo-hoo! I love you, man.

Hey Mom, Dad's in a mental institution.

Oh my God! Mother was right.

Now Homer, don't you worry. Your family's gonna be here before you know it.

Forget it, pal, there's only one way out of here and it ain't pretty.

What's that?

Dating a nurse.

I told you kids you were going to send your father to the crazy house.

No, mom, you said poor house.

I said crazy house!

Poor house.

Crazy house!

Poor house.

Crazy house!

Hello, you've reached the New Bedlam "Wrongly Committed" Hotline. All of our operators are currently busy. Please stay on the line.

What's wrong, Homer?

This place is so strange. Mike, I'm ashamed to admit it to another guy, but I'm... scared.

We all get scared once in a while. Maybe I can help you.

HOMER, THE TWO OF US NEED LOOK NO MORE / WE BOTH FOUND WHAT WE WERE LOOKING FOR / WITH A FRIEND TO CALL MY OWN / I'LL NEVER BE ALONE / AND YOU MY FRIEND WILL SEE / YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN ME.

Pancakes... football... Boobies...

Bubbles, it's gonna be a long night.

I WISH YOU LOVE AND GOOD WILL / I WISH YOU PEACE AND JOY /

Please feel free to express yourselves. In these sessions we want you to feel relaxed and uninhibited.

Okay, so I was working at an insurance company, right? Huh! Youngest VP in the history of the firm. Okay? The job was my life. Then one Monday morning, I got up and I couldn't leave the house. I just couldn't.

Was the door locked?

No, I just couldn't face what was out there.

Was it raining?

No, Homer. Dave suffers from agoraphobia -- a fear of open areas and crowds. Please, Dave, go on.

Thank you. Anyway, that day I knew I-I just couldn't make that long drive to work.

Were you out of gas?

Mrs. Simpson, I'm sorry but your husband suffers from a persecution complex, extreme paranoia, and bladder hostility.

Doctor, if you just talked to him for five minutes without mentioning our son, Bart, you'd see how sane he is.

You mean there really is a Bart? Good Lord!

Mmm... pancakes.

Oh, Mr. Simpson, you've got a visitor.

Oh, Homie.

Mr. Simpson, after talking to your wife, we believe you're no threat to yourself or others.

That's the most flattering thing anyone has ever said to me. Could I have it in writing, please?

Of course.

Not insane.

I'm proud of you, Homer.

Thanks a lot, Michael. You really helped me get through this. If you ever find your marbles, come visit us.

Well, how about today? I'm only here voluntarily.

You are? Why?

Well, back in 1979, I got real depressed when my "Off the Wall" album just got one lousy Grammy nomination.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME / HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME / HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OVERLOOKED MIDDLE CHILD -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

Joe's Taxidermy. You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em.

Boy, when I get home, I'm going to wrap my hands around your neck --

-- And smother you with kisses.

Homer, whatever they've got you on, cut the dose.

Now listen. I'm bringing Michael Jackson home to stay with us for a few days... Isn't that cute -- he's heard of you! Now, make sure we have plenty of cold cuts, and put some beer on ice.

Um Homer, I'm a vegetarian. And I don't drink.

Are you sure you're here voluntarily?

Yes. Now Homer, please make sure he doesn't tell anybody I'm coming.

Yes Dad, I solemnly swear I will not tell another living soul... No, not even Milhouse.

Hello, Milhouse? Can you keep a secret?

Oh well, who cares. Michael Jackson is coming to my house!

Michael Jackson!

Aunt Bella! Wait a minute. I got a call on the other line. Michael Jackson!

Michael Jackson!