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Dwight: ....back orders and you never called them. Oscar: Can you believe this? Erin: There's a dog in the car. Oscar: You can't leave a dog in a parked car. [points to "I'd rather be snowboarding" bumper sticker] Snowboarder, it figures. Jim: Do Snowboarders hate animals? Oscar: I bet this guy didn't leave his weed in the car. OK we have to do something because this is incredibly dangerous. Andy: Oscar, it's not that hot out. Darryl: A car parked in the sun is like a toaster oven. Andy: Well, we don't know how long the driver's been gone and it's not in direct sunlight. Kelly: So what, Andy, you wanna just let him die, you scumbag? Kevin: Here, I'm gonna get in my car. When I start dying, I will honk the horn three times. That means save the dog. Dwight: OK, you know what? I'm gonna give him something to drink. Come here, doggy. [Whistling and pouring water from bottle into sunroof of car] Come on. Jim: Dwight! At least aim it. Dwight: There you go! Here doggy! He's not even trying. Come here doggy, come on. Andy: We're losing cloud cover. Kelly: Oh don't try to get in on it now, Michael Vick. Darryl: Hey, hey, hey. Vick did his time. Oscar: This guy's been gone long enough. He's lost his right to a window. [Oscar approaches the vehicle with a tire iron] Jim: Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Oscar: Come on buddy, get back. Dwight: Whoa, Oscar! What are you- What? No, hey! [Oscar busts out back window, group cries out in protest, then cheers] Jim: Alright! Nice job, Oscar! Oscar: And one for good measure! [Busts out taillight, group applauds] Jim: So...ah, who's gonna take the dog? Oscar: Why would we take the dog? Jim: What if he jumps out the window and runs away? Oscar: Jim, he's not gonna star- [Dog lunges for open window and barks] Meredith: Whoa! Oscar: Shh! Shh! Stay there, stay. Dwight: Nein. Sits. [snaps as dog calms] Goot. Jim: Oscar, what do you wanna do, this is kinda your deal. You wanna dog? Oscar: [Oscar pokes holes in cardboard now taped over window] There we go. That should do it. Jim: Yeah, that's pretty good. Dwight: Yeah, that'll work. Kelly: That'll work. Jim: Nice job. Dwight: Bye poochie! Kelly: Bye. [Andy barks] Meredith: Bye! [Kevin's horn honks twice shortly, then one long honk. sht shows him passed out on his steering wheel.] Pam: What's that come to? Like, what did they each win? Jim: Oh man, it's gotta be over a hundred thousand dollars. Pam: Awesome. Dwight: Before taxes. Phyllis: That's still a lot of money! Andy: The warehouse crew won the lottery yesterday. Nine hundred and fifty thousand dollars. And then they quit!...and no one else can focus. [sht shows warehouse crew going wild in the office] This is it. This is all on my shoulders. I'm the one who has to tell everyone to get back to work, I'm the one who has to tell Darryl to hire a new warehouse crew. I'm the one who has to say those things. Darryl: [On phone] Hello?....Justine! [laughs] Nice surprise! How you doin' baby?....Nah. No no, I didn't win. When I got promoted I stop-...what?...Yeah. Yeah, Glenn won....Oh, you wanna call him? Yeah, you should call him, congratulate him. That'll be-...What?....Oh, his number's in your old phone. Oh, you know what? I might have it right- [hangs up] Whoops. Darryl: When I worked in the warehouse, I was part of that lotto pool. They won ... playing my birthday. Oscar: What really interests me is the group dynamic of six people winning the lottery. This will not end well. Right? Phyllis: Yeah. Meredith: We're lookin' at at least one su1c1de and one weird sex thing. Oscar: At least. Jim: I mean, I don't even know what I'd do with all that money. Dwight: I know what you'd do with all that money. [imitating Jim] "Hey Pam, let's buy expensive bathrobes and hug." Jim: No, I'd probably buy a big piece of land in Maine, build a house, work in town. Somewhere I could bike to or kayak to. I'd either bike to my job at the kayak shop or kayak to my job at the bike shop. Pam: And then on the weekends, would you hacky sack back to reality and spend time with your wife and kids? Jim: Whoa. Saucy. I thought you liked Maine? Pam: I think we should get a townhouse in SoHo... Ryan: SoHo's mostly lofts but OK. Pam: And then every morning, I'd walk out on to my terrace and I would breathe in the inspiration of the city. You know? And just gather ideas for my painting... Kelly: Oh, god. Pam: And then my handsome husband... Jim: Which ideally would be me.... Pam: Would bring me a flavored coffee. Jim: Stop. I'm a barista in your fantasy? Pam: Well in your fantasy we're Stephen King characters. Jim: I don't know about Stephen King, I mean... Meredith: [under her breath] get a divorce...get a divorce... Kelly: I think I would keep working. And for my salary I guess I would take like a dollar a year....I mean obviously I wouldn't come in till noon and I wouldn't do anything I didn't wanna do. I mean I'm getting paid a dollar a year, OK? You can chill. Andy: Are you kidding me?! Guys if I have to ask you to get back to work one more time, I'm gonna change my tone. [lowers voice] To down here like Mr. T. and this will get seriously annoying. I feel sympathy for the jerks who have to listen to this all day. [normal voice] Darryl, how we doin' on the new warehouse guys? Darryl: I don't know. Andy: What d-? What..what? Wuh, do we have new guys, or what? Darryl: No. Andy: Are they on their way over? Darryl: I haven't hired anyone. Phyllis: What? No warehouse guys? I have an important order that has to go out by five. I emailed you about it. Darryl: I'm not checkin' email till lunch. Four hour work week. Andy: This is kinda time sensitive. Darryl: I got it. I'm doin' it. Phyllis: Andy, this is a seriously big order. I can't lose this client. Andy: Alright, well until we have a new crew, let's get some volunteers for warehouse duty. Who's in? [Erin raises hand] Erin: As long as you guys don't need me up here. Phyllis: No..we don't Dwight: I think we'll be fine. [group murmurs in agreement] Oscar: Really, nobody's gonna help her? Is chivalry dad? Andy: Are you volunteering? Oscar: Of course. I would. But my hip....I would kll to be at a hundred percent. [Angela rolls eyes] Andy: Jim! How 'bout you? Jim: Uh, yeah. I mean, as the strongest person in this office, I guess I should go down with you... Dwight: Hey...OK no. No. That. You are so not...oh god. [grunts] False. Andy, I will volunteer. Andy: Great. And Kevin. Kevin: Good old Kevin. He'll do anything. Well guess what? I will not do a good job. Pam: Oh, thank you. Angela: Sure. Pam: Wait, wait. What's this? [holds up clipboard] Angela: Oh, sorry. I thought it was a guess your baby's birth weight pool. Pam: It says "Lotto Pool", right on top. [points to obvious title] Angela: Yeah. And I said sorry. Pam: Oh come on. You really think I'm gonna have a fourteen pound baby? Darryl: When did I get so fat? Andy: You look awesome. Darryl: I didn't hire anyone if that's why you're here. Andy: Where are we in the process? Darryl: I have a file of applicants here. I just gotta open it, look at it, interview a bunch of guys,hire some of 'em. So I'd say we're in the early stages of the process. Andy: Did you go out celebrating with the guys last night? Darryl: The guys did invite me out to celebrate but I decided to just stay home. Eat a bunch of tacos in my basement. Andy: You do have a fantastic basement. Darryl: I did. I did have a fantastic basement. Now it smells like tacos. You can't air out a basement and taco air is heavy. Settles at the lowest point. Andy: Right. Um, well how 'bout we take a look at some applications? ...This guy wrote his in green ink, that's pretty cool. Check it out. [attempts to give Darryl application who ignores him at first but then takes it]Hey! There ya go...there he is. Andy: That is not Darryl. I don't know where Darryl is. I suspect probably our Darryl is inside of fat Darryl. Jim: OK. Three hundred boxes of twenty pound white. That's seventy-five boxes per person, so that's not so bad. Dwight: Negative! Three hundred boxes for me, zero for you chumps. Deal with it! [climbs into forklift] Jim: Nice. [Dwight runs forklift into wall of warehouse] Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Oh! Kevin: Damn! [Dwight reverses pulling the wall with him. Erin screams. Dwight leaves forklift and begins lifting boxes by hand.] Dwight: Yup. Andy: Welcome, everybody! My name is Andy and this is my other brother Darryl.[no one laughs] What? No Newhart fans? OK...Darryl, how do we usually kick these things off? Darryl: You mean what did we do the last time the warehouse won the lottery? Female Applicant: Your old crew won the lottery? Andy: Does anyone have experience? Shelving, storing, keeping track. What do we use, the Dewey Decimal system? Male Applicant 1: Wait, wait. So all the old guys quit? Darryl: Oh yeah. Andy: Well- Darryl: One of 'em, Glenn, is starting one of those fat camps where he steals your kid in the middle of the night. Madge and a couple other guys might start a strip club, but on a boat. And Heday is investing in an energy drink for Asian hm. [Andy laughs awkwardly] Andy: Um, can you guys give us a minute? But stay close, you're all doing great. [group begins leaving] maybe grab a coffee..or if there's any donuts out you can split one. You know they're for everybody so people get fussy....You know what? Just have a donut. [shuts door and sits, gesturing for Darryl to sit next to him. Then gets up to stand near Darryl.] Do you wanna talk about this not winning the lottery thing? Darryl: I don't Andy: You sure? Cause you keep talking about it, so... Darryl: Nope. I'm good. I'm here. Let's find some warehouse workers. Andy: Good. Great. Then can you say things that aren't like a huge bummer to everybody? Cause the more I talk, the more they're gonna realize I don't know what I'm talking about. Darryl: OK. Andy: We need you, OK? Darryl:OK. Andy: OK? Darryl: Yeah. Andy: Alright. Dwight: [Grunts while lifting box into truck] What's the problem? Grunting is scientifically proven to add more power. Ask any female tennis player. Or her husband. [Erin grunts loudly and tosses box toward truck but misses] Erin: I didn't feel anything. Andy: Alright! Thank you for coming back in, again. Uh, now we're gonna ask you a few questions. Darryl, you have the floor. Darryl: Why do you wanna work here? Male Applicant 1: I need a job. Darryl: That's not a good reason. Andy: Good. Keepin' 'em honest. Darryl: Don't just take the first job that comes your way. Cause next thing you know, it's ten years later and you're still there. Could write your obituary tomorrow, it's not gonna change. Andy: Are we scaring them straight....? Darryl: I hope so. Think about this carefully. There's better lives than this one. Darryl: I've never been lucky. And I'm not talkin' about the lottery, I'm talkin' 'bout stuff like developing a soy allergy at thirty-five. Who gets a soy allergy at thirty-five? And why is soy in everything? Ryan: Nice. Right back where I like you. [Pam is sitting at reception covering for Erin] Can you make ten copies of this for me? Pam: No. Ryan: Why not? What are you doing? Pam: Uh, buying lottery tickets online. [Ryan laughs] Ryan: Ah, everyone wants to be rich, but nobody wants to work for it. Pam: You came in at 10:30 today, right? Ryan: OK, (we'll just dismiss it.)?????? Andy: Is everyone licensed? Male Applicant 2: Like a driver's license? Andy: No. Warehouse license....Masters in warehouse sciences?...I, I feel like Darryl has talked about a license of some kind. Female Applicant: Is this a joke? Andy: No. Not joking. This is real....painfully real, what is happening right now. Kevin: [On all fours with a box on his back] OK, I'm not gonna make it. I'm turning back. Jim: There's gotta be a better way to do this. This is literally how they built the pyramids. Dwight: Well, they whipped people which was helpful. But you're right. We should be able to find a more efficient way of moving boxes than Madge or Heday. Jim: Yeah [laughs and then notices camera] Not that they're not smart people. Dwight: [Noticing camera] No, no. Very smart. Uh, theirs is more of a physical intelligence. Jim: I'd go with that. Dwight: Like baboons or elephants. Jim: Not that, don't... Kevin: Guys! When I was a kid, my sisters used to butter me up and slide me across the linoleum floor of the kitchen. Then really made them laugh. Jim: It's a great idea Kev, I don't think it applies here though, so maybe we just- Kevin: Yeah we move stuff and it was fun. Dwight: Kevin! Doesn't apply. Kevin: Right. My mom- Erin: [grabbing Kevin's arm] You need to drop it, OK? They hate it. I like it a lot but they hate it so drop it! [Kevin tears up] Andy: Does anyone get distracted easily by bubble wrap? [raises hand and laughs] You'll be dealing with lots of bubble wrap obviously. Um... Male Applicant 1: How much longer is this gonna take? Darryl: Did you hire 'em? Andy: No. Because they all left. Darryl: What do you mean "they left"? Andy: I mean, after you bailed? I got confused and frankly a little weird and the stuff that you said certainly didn't help. Darryl: Then I think you should fre me. Andy: What are you talking about? I'm not gonna fre you. Darryl: Yeah. Just put me out of my misery. Andy: .....OK, this is weird. I don't, I don't get the joke. Darryl: No? OK. I don't wanna be here anymore. fre me. Andy: So Darryl says to me "fre me". But what he really means is "I'm gonna say something really weird, try and figure out what it means." So I say "No, you're not fired." But what I really mean is "I have no idea what your talking about, but I'm gonna go ahead and hire some people for the warehouse and hope that you eventually start feeling better."........I really hope that's what he and I mean. Andy: Attention! Does anyone know anyone who could work in the warehouse? We can pay. Come on Oscar, who's the most jacked guy in all of Scranton? Like your wildest fantasy guy. Oscar: Bulk or definition? Andy: Definition. Oscar: Bruce Kenwood. He hangs out at Plant Fitness. Andy: Are those just show muscles? Or is he really strong? Oscar: Oh, he's plenty strong. Oscar: It used to be Reggie Winters out at Gold's Gym. But he moved away. And then it was between Bruce and this guy Dean. Um, but Dean got fixated on his calves and uh, and his triceps went to hell. Pam: So. I've been thinking, after we win the lottery, we take our winnings.... Jim: Our fake winnings Pam: And we move to the south of France. See? No, there's plenty of bicycling for you. I think that's where they do the Tour de France. Jim: It is, yeah. I mean I just don't know why I'm compromising if it's my fantasy. Cause in my fantasy it's Maine and you love it. Pam: Because I'm never gonna act like that, even in your fantasy. Jim: Nope. You're, you're doing a great job of it in my fantasy right now. [Pam sighs] Dwight: Hey, idiot. What did Erin want again? Jim: A...hot chocolate tea Andy: Gideon. You are a PhD candidate studying America's diminishing blue-collar workforce? Gideon: North America...and, diminishing is a little reductive, but uh sure. That's the headline version. Andy: Great....Well, it'll bring a fresh new perspective to the warehouse. Gideon: FYI, Wednesday through Friday I have a pretty full teaching schedule. Andy: Eh, cool. We'll figure that out. Nate: Also, FYI, ah, I don't techinically have a hearing problem, but sometimes when there's a lot of noises occurring uh at the same time, I'll hear 'em as one big jumble. Uh, again it's not that I can't hear, uh because that's false. I can. Um, I just can't distinguish between everything I'm hearing. Andy: Got it. Dually noted. You! [points to Bruce] Coolest tnk top I have ever seen. Where did you get that? Bruce: Made it. Andy: So cool! What a cross-section we have here. That's what I love about interviewing. I get to meet all these people I wouldn't ordinarily meet or know or even talk to. Dwight: Message in a Bottle, The Postman... Jim: Kevin Costner. Dwight: Kevin Costner. Jim: Yeah. [sht shows Kevin and Erin greasing floor of warehouse] Kevin: So I found this grease. And then I remembered that you thought it was a great idea. Erin: You did say it was a great idea. I heard you say it! Jim: So, it's not the dumbest idea. Dwight: It's not the greatest one either... Jim: But, the fact remains we gotta move these boxes. Dwight: And it's clear we're not going to carry them. [Dwight grunts loudly in sht showing them sliding boxes over the greased floor] Jim: So sadly, it's the best idea on the table. Dwight: Exactly. Kevin: I think we're ready to give thi- [Kevin slips on grease and falls] Jim? Jim: Is he OK? Dwight: Yep. He'll be fine. Andy: Surprise! Your new crew. Darryl: Would you just fre me, man? Andy: Why? Because you didn't win the lottery? How am I supposed to make you happy? Darryl: You wanna make me happy? Huh? Andy: Yeah. Darryl: Give me your job. Andy: Haha, what? Darryl: I'll do it better than you. I earned it. I deserve it. I got passed over, God knows why, reasons I cannot and will not understand. The job was mine Andy, everyone said it was mine. Make me manager or fre me. Andy: I'm not gonna give you my job! It's my job! I earned it! And here's the thing, you weren't even next in line. I asked about you, I saw your file. You have a history of being short with people and you hired Glenn, your buddy! To replace you in the warehouse. He was under qualified. They saw that. Nate: Also, Darryl, FYI, I already told this to Andy, but uh, you should probably know I technically don't have a hearing problem, it's just when there's a lot of noises... Andy: Nate! Please....thank you. You have no business education, you were gonna take classes under D'Angelo, what happened to that? Darryl: He died. Andy: He didn't die, his brain died. And my brain is still very much alive and I'd be happy to give you business classes. How come you haven't asked me about it? Nate: What wa-, what was the last...I'm havin' a- Andy: None, no part of this has anything to do with you. Darryl: I didn't have time because of my daughter. Andy: Oh, but you had time for a softball clinic, and a Mediterranean cooking class. Darryl: Hey I'm not gonna tell you this stuff if you gonna throw it back in my face. Andy: Hey. Here's the thing. Jo saw something in you. She loved you! She gave you a sht and then you stopped pushing. She noticed. [long pause] Darryl: OK. Andy: OK what? Darryl: OK, don't fre me. Andy: Ah, OK. Darryl: My future's not gonna be determined by seven little white lotto balls. It's gonna be determined by two big black balls. I control my destiny. I do. Darryl: I put some guys on tonight. Best of your bunch and my bunch. Tell you now though, it's gonna be mostly my bunch. Andy: Yeah. [laughs] That makes sense. OK. Good, alright. Kevin: Here... Andy: What is goin' on?! [sht shows greased aisle flanked by rows of boxes] Kevin: Oh hey guys. Darryl: Why is the forklift in the wall? Andy: Why is the truck empty? Dwight: Uh, it's not totally empty. Darryl: Is that grease on my floor? Dwight: OK, I can see why you're angry, you're coming into this cold. But believe me a lot of thought went into this. Darryl: And did your brains tell you to ruin these boxes with grease? Kevin: OK Darryl, listen and then you will understand. The boxes were ruined during our first trial testing so now it's cool cause we found another use for them. Jim: OK, alright, that's...look. All we were trying to do is we thought we could come up with a more efficient way to do things. Darryl: And? Erin: And we did. Dwight: I don't know. Erin: Jim? Tell them what it's called. Jim: That's alright. Kevin: No Jim, tell 'em what a name is. Jim: Doesn't matter what the name is. Señor Loadenstein, that's stupid. Kevin: [laughing] Señor Loadenstein. Tell 'em why it's called that, Jim. Jim: That's OK, we're good. Erin: Jim... Andy: No, Jim. Tell us why it's called Señor Loadenstein. Jim: Porque es muy rapido. Dwight: OK. You know what? It's been a real busy day, what do you say we put all this away. Darryl: Let me see it. Dwight: It's uh, it's in beta testing. Darryl: Let me see it! Dwight: Get the thing, go! Lube it up, Kevin! Start mopping. Dwight, Erin, Jim & Kevin: Uno! Dos! Tres! [sht shows Jim & Dwight pulling ropes attached to a plank holding Erin in a helmet and boxes of paper down the greased runway, Dwight grunts] Phyllis: Yeah, I lost my client. Creed: I already won the lottery. I was born in the US of A, baby. And as backup I have a Swiss passport. Toby: I would spend a lot of time launching my true crime podcast, The Flenderson Files. Dum bum buh. [whispers] Flenderson files. Pam: We came to an agreement. We're going to live in a stunning pre-wr brownstone at the top of a mountain. Jim: Right. It's city and country combined. Pam: Just a subway stop away are the best museums in the world. Jim: And I can fish right from the window of Pam's pottery studio. And we can chat any time we want. Pam: Just like now. Jim: [laughs] Just like now....too bad the schools are terrible. Pam: Oh.. Jim: But what are you gonna do about that? Pam: What are you gonna do?	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x03 - Lotto"}	foreverdreaming
Jim: [entering office] Hey. So, we saw a new billboard. Andy: Yeah? Pretty cool, huh? Andy: What better way to announce our new slightly lower prices than with an ad campaign? And what better face for an ad campaign than our new regional manager? Andy: How'd it look? Jim: You've seen it, right? Andy: No. Pam: Andy, somebody defaced it. Andy: What? [Stanley enters office laughing] Morning, Stanley. Jim: There's this thing that people tend to do with billboards. How do I put this? If there's an opportunity for a graffiti artist to work in a... phallic shape, interacting with the artwork, it'll happen, and Andy gave them that opportunity. Andy: Erin, how long did we order those billboards for? Erin: Six months. Andy: Oh, god. I need you to call the billboard company. Meredith: [entering office] Great billboard! Funny, edgy, right up to the line without crossing it, loved it. Andy: Which one did you see? Meredith: Washington Street, the one with, like, twenty dongs on it. Jim: Okay, don't be gross. Dwight: [entering office] What's going on? Pam: Somebody defaced the billboards we just put out in an inappropriate way. Dwight: Oh, that's funny. Wait, from the photo sh*t with you and me? Andy: Yeah, Dwight. Dwight: No. No. No! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! [running from building] No, no, no, no, no, no, No, No, No, NO, NO! NO! NO! NO! [stopping in front of defaced billboard] NOOOOOOOOO! Dwight: Schrute Farms is very easy to find, it's right in the middle of the root vegetable district. If the soil starts to get acidic, you've probably gone too far. Ryan: Just give us the address. We'll look it up online. Dwight: It's simpler this way. Oscar: It's really not. Andy: Now, stated arrival time is 3 p.m. Kelly: I don't get the reason for this party. Phyllis: Yeah, what's the reason? Kelly: What's the reason, Andy? What's the reason? Andy: It's just a garden party. Sheesh. Andy: You don't need a reason to throw a garden party anymore than you need a reason to throw a birthday party. It's a garden party. You don't need a reason. Andy: Few other super simple reminders – no burping, no slurping, when eating take small bites and chew thoroughly with your mouth closed. Yes, Darryl? Darryl: What happens when we're done chewing? Do we spit it out on the floor, or keep it in our mouths the rest of the time? Andy: I get it, I'm being a little overbearing. But I promise to be underbearing for a week if you guys just all... step it up. Oscar: Andy, we understand basic table manners, we're not children. Phyllis: Yeah, it's just a picnic. Andy: This is not a picnic, Phyllis, it's a garden party. Darryl: There's a grill in the warehouse I could bring. Andy: Aw, ew, please don't. Not a barbecue. It's better than a barbecue. It's dignified, quieter, there are rules. Pam: How is that better than a barbecue? Ryan: What's the dress code on this? Andy: I'm glad you asked – Connecticut Casual. Stanley: Any chance Connecticut Casual is Pennsylvania Business, i.e. this is what I'm wearing to your party. Andy: Guys, my family just threw a garden party to celebrate my brother's promotion. It was a huge success. Check it out, there's a video online. Heartwarming impromptu father-son duet. [video playing on computer] Kevin: Yeah, Oscar, you showed me this. Darryl: I've seen this, that's not you. Meredith: Yeah, whoa, who's the sausage? Andy: It's my dad and my brother. I would have joined in but this melody doesn't really support another harmony part, so... Check it out, that's my brother's boss. Look how psyched he is, he's having an awesome time. Jim: Ah, and did Robert California get an invite to your party? Andy: Yeah, of course. Ye... I mean, uh, yeah, I think he did. [groans from the group] Phyllis: Why didn't you just say this was to impress Robert California? Gabe: I cannot believe that Andy is throwing a party like this just to impress the CEO. Classic Gabe move. Hey Andy, how about you don't steal my business strategies, and I won't dress like my life is just one long brunch? Andy: See you all there at 3 p.m., Connecticut Casual, remember your manners, and have a wonderful time. Dwight: And please refer to the map, stay off of the web. Thank you. Jim: [pointing to computer monitor] So, we've typed in the address, now let's take a look at the street view. [picture of Dwight and Mose on a see-saw] Dwight: They don't warn you when the cameras are driving by. Jim: Ah. Why do you keep reading that garden party book? I mean, how hard are finger sandwiches and tea? Dwight: There's so much more to it than that. Dwight: I've been wanting Schrute Farms to break into the high-end event hosting industry for some time, and this party is a great opportunity. Plus, I've got a secret wapon. [holds up book, Throwing A Garden Party by James Trickington] Only one copy in the world and some sucker on the internet sold it to me for two dollars. [laughs] Jim: I'm actually really disappointed in how poorly my book is doing. [holds up same book] I've only sold one copy. Angela: Is there anything you wish you had done differently to avoid cankles? Pam: Nope. Angela: I've already gone up another cup size. The senator is grossed out. When do you start feeling it kick? Pam: Cece was around 22 weeks, but Phillip was much earlier. Angela: Phillip? Pam: Oh, oh my gosh. Yes, but don't, don't say anything, okay? It's after my grandfather. Angela: Phillip is the name that we're using. It's after my favorite cat. Pam: [giggling] Oh, wow. Funny. It's after my grandfather. Angela: It's after my cat. Robert: [on the phone] Andrew, I've picked up two possible gifts to bring this afternoon. One, a pot of marmalade. Andy: Ooh, that sounds great. Robert: Well, that, that is what you want then, the marmalade. Andy: Sure. Robert: You don't want to hear the other one. You love marmalade. Andy: Uh, I'll hear the other one. Robert: It's a basil plant. Andy: You know, the marmalade sounds great. Robert: I also mentioned the marmalade to my sister and she's very interested. Andy: Then the basil will be fine. Robert: Well, you clearly want the marmalade. Gretchen, I need another marmalade. Alright. [hangs up] Toby: Hey, where do I park? Mose: I'm the valet. You have to give me your car. Toby: Uh, you know what, I can go park it myself. Mose: I'm the... I'm the valet. You have to give me your car. Toby: It's probably okay... Mose: Give me your car. Toby: I think it's better that I... Mose: Give me your car. Toby: It's a finicky car... Mose: Get out. Have a good time at the thing. Toby: It's a little tricky, you might have to... take... [Mose speeds away] Dwight: MR. RYAN HOWARD! Jim: Chapter 2 – Announcing guests as they enter is the height of decorum. The more volume displayed, the more honor is bestowed upon everyone present. Dwight: STANLEY HUDSON AND HIS MISTRESS CYNTHIA! JAMES, PAMELA, AND PEEPEE HALPERT! Andy: How's it going over here, guys? Oscar: Andy, stop hovering, you're being really annoying. Andy: Didn't mean to bother you, Mabel. Mabel, Mabel, if you're able, keep your elbows off the table. Oscar: Wow. Dwight: MR. AND MRS. WALTER AND ELLEN BERNARD! Walter: So, you all work with Andy. Andy: Well, technically FOR Andy. Oscar: Technically FOR Robert California. He's our CEO. Ellen: I thought you were the CEO. Andy: I don't know how you got there. Walter: You said you were running the company. Andy: This branch, I'm the regional manager. Walter: Yes, that makes more sense. Are you all regional managers? Andy: Did I throw this party to impress my parents? That's crazy. Now, if they wanted a garden party, they could throw one themselves, which, as a matter of fact, they did, last week. They threw one for my baby brother who is totally amazing, but I couldn't care less. Andy: Can I introduce you around now? Walter: Uh, yeah, we don't have too long, we have theater tickets. Andy: What are you going to see? Walter: Money Ball. Walter Jr.'s choice. Andy: What?? Walter Jr: Hey Bronard! Andy: I didn't know you were going to be here. Walter Jr: I wouldn't have missed it. Erin: Ahh! [bird steals her hat] Walter Jr: I'm Walter, Andy's younger brother. Jim: Oh, hey, how are you doing, I'm Jim. Walter Jr: Tuna, right? And this must be your lovely wife Pam [looking at Meredith]. Jim: No. Meredith: Hell no. She wishes. Jim: No, no, no, no, no. No. Waiter: Sir, I need to be able to feed all the guests. Kevin: [mouthful of food] I understand. Dwight: Set that down. [grabs waitress] Present yourself. Jim: Chapter 4 – One of the host's most important duties is as Dance Master. A proper courtly dance sets the tone for the entire afternoon. Dwight: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAY I PRESENT, ROBERT CALIFORNIA! Robert: Hello Andy. Andy: Welcome. Robert: Thank you. Andy: Hey, I want you to meet my first bosses, Mom and Dad. Robert: Yes, hello, nice to meet you. Walter: Pleasure. Robert: Andy, where shall I put your basil plant? Andy: Oh, I thought you were going to bring marmalade. Robert: No, I'm certain you said basil. Ryan: This is not funny, man, let me down. Kevin: I think this thing is broken. Ryan: It's not broken, Kevin. This is how it works. Andy: So pretty today. Ellen: It's getting chilly. Walter: We really should be leaving. Andy: Yeah, um, it would be weird if the boss man didn't make a toast, so, hang on. Everybody, I just want to take this opportunity to thank you all for coming, and to raise a glass to my amazing staff. Andy: Toasts are great. I mean, you toast somebody, they toast you back. It just goes round and round. That's my favorite part about toasts, the reciprocity. Andy: Let's hear from you guys, who do you want to toast? Darryl: Yeah, I'll say something. I think we should be acknowledging our boss, because none of us would be here without him. Robert California! [everyone toasts] Gabe: I can't believe I didn't think of toasting Robert. Get in the game, Gabriel! Why are you talking to Stanley's mistress? Angela: I would like to toast someone who isn't here but who will be in just four short months. Welcome to the world, Phillip Lipton! Pam: I also would like to toast Phillip Halpert, who is due even sooner. May he be a good namesake to my grandfather who I promised as a child long before tonight that I would one day name my son after him. To Phillip Halpert! Angela: She just always has to copy anything I do! It's the Ford Taurus situation all over again! Ryan: I'd like to make a toast to the troops. All the troops. Both sides. Erin: I think we should toast... Dwight: Ladies and gentlemen! The last supper. Jim: Chapter 9 – The tableau vivant is not only welcomed, but expected entertainment at any garden party. Kevin: Andy? I think we should acknowledge the man who has led us to such a profitable quarter. To Robert California. Gabe: I would also like to toast Robert California. Mr. California,... Andy: You can't triple toast somebody! At least not until we get everyone once. Robert: I'll say a few words if that's alright with you, Andy. Andy: Yeah, yeah. Robert: You people say I led you, but it wasn't me. You want to toast the man who led you to success, but the boss is irrelevant. Andy and I, we produce nothing. We do nothing. We sit in our offices and demand, I want this and that right now, like petulant children. You know, the difference between a crying baby and a manager, one day the baby will grow up. But, without you, Andy and I would be sitting in our dirty diapers, waiting for someone to change us, wipe us. I should be toasting you, thanking you, for allowing me to have the easiest job in the universe. Cheers. Gabe: To Robert California, from the moment you entered our building and our hearts, you... Andy: Some of you know that we have an internet star in our midst. Mr. Walter Baynes Bernard Sr., please report to the stage! Walter: I'm eating, Andy. Andy: Ah, come on! Walter: Okay. Okay. Andy: Yes! Walter: What do you want to do? Andy: Well, how about one of our classic father/son duets? [starts playing guitar] Walter: Oh, whoa, sure? Really? It's a little tricky. Andy: [singing] Saying I love you is not the words... Walter: It's too high. Andy: Yeah? Walter: It's high but it's not that high. Andy: Right, it feels strange. Walter: Just take it down a little. Andy: Saying I love... Saying I love you... Walter: Here, give it to me. Okay. Uh, something like... [singing] Saying I love you is... Andy & Walter: ...not the words... Walter: You don't come in yet. [singing] ...I want to hear from you, It's not that I want you... Andy & Walter: ...not to say it but if you only knew... More than words is all you have to do to make it real... Andy: Is anyone filming this? Seriously! Erin! Erin: [holding up cell phone] It's either taping or calling. Andy & Walter: What would you do if my heart was torn in two... Walter: You know what, Walter Jr. is here. Why don't you come up and join us? Walter Jr: Dad, no. I'm just having a good time getting to know Andy's friends here. Meredith: Get up there and sing or I will cut your larynx and you'll never be able to sing again. Woo! Walter & Walter Jr: [singing] May the good lord be with you down every road you roam. And may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home. And may you grow to be proud, dignified and true. And do unto others as you'd have done to you... Andy: [applauds] Cheers! Alright! Cheers, cheers, cheers, get your own guitar. Erin's Cell Phone: If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. Erin: Sorry. Kelly: I am so cold. Ryan: That's because you didn't bring a jacket. Dwight: My first love is beet farming, but it's a young man's game. Who ever heard of an old beet farmer? Robert: Forget the beets. Concentrate on the hosting. I could spend a considerable amount of money having my birthday party here. Dwight: Oh really? Well, we have a number of birthday packages. The Pewter Package has the least amount of goats, not no goats, it's still 10-12 goats, depending on the availability of the goats. Now the Goat Package obviously has the most goats. What were you thinking? Robert: Of course I am not interested in goats. Why would you spend so much time going over the goats with me? Dwight: I can get you exotic meats – hippo steaks, giraffe burgers... Robert: We'll talk. [walks away] Dwight: It'll all be goat. Andy: Hello, Cece Halpert? This is Andrew Bernard. I'd very much like to speak with you about your paper supply needs. That wasn't even my worst sales call. Walter: [knocks] Hi. What was that display? Andy: I don't know, I just thought if I could throw this great garden party and show you how respected I am that you'd be proud of me. Walter: Andrew... Andy: I know, I know that you're proud of me. Walter: I'm not going to tell you how impressed I am that you're a manager of some rinky dink branch of a paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania. How long are you going to go on needing my approval? You're a grown man, don't act like a little boy who needs... Darryl: I think if I had parents like that I'd be trying to convince everyone all the time how great I was, too. Oscar: Guess we found Andy's rosebud. Darryl: Rosebud? Oscar: It's a reference to Citizen Kane. Something that explains why a person became the way they are. Darryl: I know Citizen Kane. Rosebud didn't explain why he was how he was, it just represented what was important to him as a child, that he missed. Oscar: Different school of thought. Let's just agree to disagree. Darryl: No. You're wrong. Robert: Are you sure? Ryan: Yeah! I'm too hot anyway. Robert: My body has somehow become acclimated to southern Italy. Isn't that strange? I've never been there! Oh, ah, yes, that's nice. Thank you. Walter: It was a nice party, the setting was a little strange. Uh, the food... Ellen: Sandwiches were dry. Walter Jr: Bye Tuna, bye Pam! Andy: Hey everybody, I'm gonna leave and I just wanted to say I'm really sorry. Darryl: Cheeseburger or hamburger. Andy: Um, cheeseburger. Oscar: Narddog. [throws Andy a can] Andy: Thanks, Oscar. Pam: What are they doing? Jim: Closing ceremonies. Pam: Nice touch. Jim: I think I left my wallet in your house. Dwight: Who cares. Jim: Right here. Dwight: MR. JAMES HALPERT! Jim: Keys, keys... Dwight: Stop forgetting things. Jim: I didn't forget them, they're right here. Dwight: MR. JAMES HALPERT! Jim: I'm so sorry, I think I forgot that thing... Dwight: What? Idiot. Jim: Whoo. Dwight: MIS... MI... What are you doing? Jim: Hey, I have a question. Who do you think is really the best salesman in this office? Dwight: That's a stupid question, obviously mISTER JAMES HALPERT!	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x04 - Garden Party"}	foreverdreaming
Andy: [looking at Angela's costume] Approved! Andy: [claps] Chef from South Park, it's genius! Stanley: Just some chef. Andy: I've decided to pre-screen all the Halloween costumes this year. I have three simple rules - don't be offensive, don't be cliche, and don't take the first two rules too seriously. Kevin: The gorilla from Rise of the Planet of the Apes? Huh? The one who sacrifices his life. Andy: Whoa! Aw, spoiler alert. Kevin: It's been out for ages, man. Andy: Costume vetoed. Andy: Ah, it's, uh... somebody's already called that. Phyllis: Who? Andy: Kevin has a gorilla suit you could borrow. Kelly: This is ridiculous! Why can't there just be two Kate Middleton's? Andy: Guys, I know, I mean, I wish there could be, too. It's like, I can't choose. They're both amazing. It's just... Kelly: Look, I stayed up all night and I watched that gd wedding, and then I came to work and I made everyone else watch it all day. Meredith wasn't even here. Meredith: Because I was there. [shows Kelly her cell phone video] Your the people's princess! Diana was nothing! Andy: I thought you were at your sister's funeral. Meredith: What I said was, "My sister's funeral is this weekend." Didn't say I'd be there. Meredith: Why is it such a shock that I follow the royal story? Warms my heart, thinking about them two kids, doing it. Andy: Um, can I, maybe, squeeze through? Erin: Here you go. Andy: There you go. Thank you. Erin: When they talk about all the nice things about dating a coworker, they don't mention one of the best parts. After you're done dating, you still get to work together, every single day. Kevin: Jim, put it on. Darryl: Put it on, man. Jim: I don't know if I can. Kevin: Come on, the Three Amigos. Darryl: Three Kings. Jim: Alright. Jim: I know, I know, I know. But Darryl and Kevin needed a third. They bought me this jersey. I said no. Kevin started crying. So, I am Chris Bosh. Ryan: [to Kelly] If you get into season 1, you can really... Kelly: [Dwight walks in] Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with you? Dwight: It's called a costume. Kelly: What are you, some kind of Jamaican zombie woman? Dwight: Ryan, will you please tell her who I am? Ryan: Whoopi Goldberg. Dwight: Has no one here heard of Kerrigan, from Starcraft? Queen of blades? It's all Toby's fault. Toby: Every Halloween I tell him the same thing - You can't bring wapon into the office, and every year he says the same thing - As soon as I get my wapon back I'm gonna kll you. But there I am at Thanksgiving, alive, you know. I'm a lucky turkey. Andy: Everybody looking good, this is, this is the best we can do? I'm not judging, I, I think you guys look great, I just... wanna make sure this is the best we can do? Andy: I just got a text from Broccoli Rob - "Boo!" Scared me. And then I got this text from Robert California - "Looking forward to Halloween party. Expectations are high." Scared the st out of me. Andy: G'day, Pameroo. Could you sht this off for me? Pam: Yeah. Andy: Australian accent... Pam: [faxing, Erin watching over her shoulder] What are you doing? Erin: Oh, I just wanted to see how you do it, if you're doing something I don't. Pam: Oh. [sends fax, Erin nods] Are you... Erin: That Andy, so hot and cold. One day he's like, fax these documents, please. The next he's like, Pam, you fax them, who cares what Erin's feeling, right? Pam: Oh, Erin... Erin: Pam, how would you rate me as a receptionist on a scale of 1 to 3? Pam: Um, 2? Erin: That's like, the second to last thing I wanted to hear. Pam: No, I mean, you're doing great, and Andy put you in charge of the whole party, right? Erin: Yeah... Pam: Yeah. Erin: Send completed. You are the best in the biz, I can't deny. Phyllis: Bob and I are doing this Scranton Haunted Walking Tour. Oscar: I always wondered what kind of people went on that thing. Pam: Oh, hey, if you go by the Banshee Pub, tell the Man In Black I say hello. Oscar: [sigh] What happened, Pam? Pam: Okay. When I was 22, I worked there and everybody said the place was haunted. I didn't believe it until one day before we opened, I look up into the mirror, you know, behind the bar, and I see this old man dressed all in black, but when I turn around, there's no one there. So, I tell the cook my story... Phyllis: Wait, they have food there? Pam: ...and he said, That's what everyone sees, that's the Man In Black. Jim: No! My wife does not believe in ghosts. Jim: Hey. Pam: Hey! Jim: Oh, this Man In Black thing, what do you think that was about? Pam: What do you mean? Jim: Was it, like, trickery in the lights, or maybe you were so primed to see it, then there it was? Pam: I saw a ghost. Jim: Mmhmm. No, but what I'm saying is, like, do you ever wonder what it was? Pam: It was a ghost, I told you this on, like, our first date. Jim: Yeah, I had just told you about the day that I met the Blue Angels. I figured you had to top it. Pam: I don't know what to tell you, Jim, but I saw a ghost. Andy: Hey! Uh-oh, looks like we're under a Jack attck! Robert: Yes, Andrew. And you, on this day of fantasy, are a laborer. Andy: Yes. Robert: Everyone, this Bert, my son. Bert, this is... a paper company. [everyone greets Bert] Bert: Hello. Can I use a computer? I need to check a hurricane. Robert: Here, use this one. [walking to Jim's desk] [Jim shakes his head "no", Andy motions to him to "shh"] Robert: Oh, look, Pin The Wart On The Wench. How did you know I was bringing my son? Erin: Oh, I didn't. It was for us, but he can play. Bertie-boy, would you like to play this game? Bert: That stuff's for babies. Robert: Well, perhaps this party will awaken the baby in all of us. Andy: Wow, who sht our grown-up party with a kiddie gn? We're still getting it set up, it's gonna be really cool. Robert: [laughing] Extraordinary. Did you plan this? Kelly: Well, Toby and I did, yeah. Gabe: And I overheard, and thought, hey, that'd be fun, don't mind if I do. Toby: If you turn out the lights we'll do a little dance. Kelly: 1, 2, 3! Gabe/Kelly/Toby: [singing and dancing] Dem bones, dem bones, dem tired bones, now we're the skeleton crew. Robert: [laughing and clapping] Delightful. Kelly: Thank you. [Gabe mumbles] Robert: Now then, how are we today? Kelly: Fine. Toby: Great. Robert: Just fine, Kelly? Everything alright? Kelly: Mmhmm. Robert: You feeling fulfilled in your life? Kelly: I guess. Robert: You guess? So, there is something you want that you do not have. Kelly: I try not to think about it. Robert: Because it's too terrifying to imagine. Now we're cooking. What is it, Kelly? What is this great fear of yours? Kelly: Never marrying. Robert: Yes. Dying alone, that is very scary. And how are you, Toby? Toby: So great. [Angela takes the pumpking decoration off of the window] Erin: Oh, I put those up. Angela: I know. I'm taking them down. Phyllis: I almost wonder if putting nothing on this wall is more Halloween-y. Erin: I don't know about this, guys, Andy put me in charge of the Halloween party, so... Angela: Well, Andy sent us in here, so which is it? Erin: Oh. Angela: So, can we speak our minds now, or are we still sparing feelings, because I hate all of this. Bert: Very low pressure in the Sargasso Sea, warm air from South America, cold air from Greenland. All signs point to the perfect storm. Dwight: Yeah, perfectly mediocre. Bert: What are you, anyway? Dwight: I'm a Jamaican zombie woman, leave me alone, ghoul. Bert: If you had some really big wings with blades on the end, you'd kind of look like Kerrigan from Starcraft. Dwight: Damnit. I AM Kerrigan from Starcraft! I've been censored. Bert: If you're going to be a Zerg, at least be a Lurker, not some girl. Dwight: Kerrigan is ruler of the Zerg swarm! Bert: Yeah, she also has boobs. Dwight: Yeah, but no nipples. Erin: Hey. Andy: Hey. What's up? Erin: November's sure creeping up, ain't it? Can't stop that month! Andy: Yeah... Erin: Hey, what's the jive with Angela and Phyllis helping with the party, you know? Andy: Um, I just thought you could use some help, you know, because Robert came in and thought the party seemed a little kiddie, and I guess I agreed, and maybe we could mix a little more 13 into the PG. Erin: But that's it? There's nothing about me, or I? Andy: Can we talk about it at the end of the day? I gotta call, gotta make a call. Erin: Oh, yeah, sorry. Yes, we can. Andy: [pretending to be on the phone] Yes. [laughs] I don't know. Mmhmm. Erin: Gabe? Gabe: Sweetheart. Erin: I'm throwing the Halloween Party and I just want to amp it up a little. I think it could use some extra pizazz. Gabe: Ok where does Gabe factor in? Erin: Remember that Halloween party you took me to once? The one where I started crying as soon as I walked in and I didn't stop crying? Gabe: Yes. Lars and Decocco's Erin: Ok. Let's say that I wanted this party to be a tiny, tiny bit like that one. Just... more adult... more... scary and sexy Gabe: I will make this sexier than you could ever imagine. Erin: No – just scary. If we wanted ideas for scary stuff. Gabe: [laughs, eventually Erin joins him laughing] Oh that would be scary! Erin: What are you thinking? Gabe: Ok let me go get it. Pam: [answers phone] Pam Halpert. Jim: Hey it's Jim Halpert. I was wondering if you wanted to see a movie tonight. Because I've read a lot about this really great documentary. Pam: Is it called Ghostbusters? Jim: [laughs] It's called Ghostbusters. Pam: It didn't look like that. Jim: It didn't have a buster sign around him? Why don't you draw him? Why don't we see this whole thing. Pam: Ok fine I'll draw him. [hangs up phone and draws] Jim: I ain't fraid of no ghost. [Pam holds up drawing of a hand with the middle finger raised] Whoa! Pam: Mmhmm. Dwight are you eating a stick? Dwight: It's a root you idiot. Bert: Everyone hates you. Dwight: That's really rude. I don't tell you hurricanes suck even though it's true. Bert: What do you like? Tornadoes? Dwight: Try influenza. Bert: Oh yeah? What's the vaccine you can take to avoid a hurricane? Dwight: Open up a newspaper. Oh look a hurricane's coming. I suppose you're going to tell me the scariest animal is a shark? Bert: Try a box jelly fish. Jim: You know that's... Robert: What are we talking about? Jim: I was talking about my wife and how she believes in ghosts. And then we had a little debate and Meredith said she believes in them too. Robert: [to Kevin] You seem unimpressed. Ghosts don't scare you? Kevin: I'm only scared of real things like serial Kllers and kidnappers. Not things that don't exist like ghosts or mummies. Oscar: Mummies are real. There are mummies at museums. Kevin: Yeah [nervously]...prank Robert: It's true. They've been preserved for thousands of years. They're all over. Kevin: [screaming] Why on Earth would a museum put a mummy in it?!? Erin: Witch's brew? Erin: I grew this party up real fast. Get out of here little kid party. Nobody loves you. And clean up your room! Grownups are going to use it later! Oooh! Jim: Party looks fun doesn't it? Everybody seems to be in there having a great time. So maybe now would be a great time for me to pop back on the computer. Bert: I'm using it. I'm about to play Starcraft with him [points to Dwight]. Jim: [to Dwight] Are you serious? Dwight: Yeah I'm serious. Jim: That's funny. Ok. Dwight: Loser. Bert: Yeah. Angela: Pam do you think anyone's going to notice I've worn this costume before? When I wasn't pregnant. You know I bet nobody would believe it still fits. Oscar: Hey guys. I'm an Oscar [gestures to face] liar [gestures to nametag saying "Representative Weiner] weiner. Ryan: Oh my god! Darryl: This party's tight. The fog is cool. Erin: Thanks. It's on medium. Darryl: Perfect. Andy: It really looks great. You did a great job. Erin: Oh, so we don't have to have that talk. Andy: We should still have that talk. Maybe you can come by my office at like 4:45? [Erin nods] Cool. Erin: [in ghostly voice] Oookayyy everybody. Be prepared to be scared. Ok. [hits play on DVD player, "Do yes disturb meditations of horror" appears on screen, Gabe winks at Erin, on screen food deflates, a mouse crawls across a photograph of a woman, a person brushes very dirty teeth] Gabe: The cinema of the unsettling is a growing film movement. The most well known film in the genre is an hour long sht of a squirrel with diarrhea. Oscar: [cuts back to a Happy Birthday cake gushing blood when cut into, a doll melts, a woman eats food and puckers her face] Is that my grandmother? Andy: What's the story? Oscar: There is no story. Gabe: Yeah it seems like there isn't a narrative. [on screen a man gets into a car] Maybe the filmmaker realized that even narrative is comforting. Stanley: What the hell is going on here? Andy: I think we've seen enough. You can turn it off now. [everyone murmurs agreement] Yeah turn it off now. Stanley: How did you get in my car? Oscar: Where is this from? That is so upsetting! Andy: That was awful. Robert I apologize. Erin: I'm sorry. I got confused. I heard you wanted to make the party more adult. But I think I know what to do now [grabs box]. This game is called "pecker Poker". [fighting tears] It's the game of cards that gets you hard. Andy: What we have here is a classic misunderstanding. Robert: Why didn't you simply ask Andy to clarify? Asking is a very easy thing to do. You're obviously very close. [Andy and Erin look awkwardly at each other and Robert]. Oh I see. This no longer seems like my business [Robert sits]. Erin: All I know is you wanted to have a talk with me and I got nervous so... Robert: You were going to talk at the end of the... I'm not here. Andy: Did you think I was going to fre you? No I wasn't. [to Robert] I'm sorry this must be really uncomfortable for you. Robert: I'm never uncomfortable. Andy: Ok. Erin I think you know I've been dating someone. Erin: Sure. Andy: And it's getting a little more serious. She's never come by. Erin: And she's never called here. Unless it's your mom. Andy: No I didn't want her to call because I thought it would be weird. But now it's weird that she's not calling. Erin: Two dates? Three dates? Andy: Thirty-one. Erin: Wow. I'm so happy for you guys. Um let me know when you get to forty. I'll see you guys. Robert: I should go. Darryl: I just don't get it, Pam. I mean, you're a rational person. Jim: [whispering] Thank you. Pam: Jim doesn't let me wash his NFL jersey during the playoffs. How is this any less logical? Jim: Careful, whoa. First of all, it's not like I think that's going to help the Eagles win. Pam: Really. Jim: No. That is just a bunch of people participating in a collective thing that maybe the Eagles will hear about and want to play better. It's not... Kevin: Exactly. Jim: Thank you. Dwight: Go, get up there right now. Bert: Got it. Darryl: Dwight? Dwight: You wanna attck or let them come to us? Your call, B. Bert: Unleash the hellstorm. Darryl: Dwight. Dwight: [laughs] Nice. Darryl: Dwight! Dwight: Got 'em. Go! Phyllis: Is she Asian? Erin: I don't know. She's from somewhere, I bet. Maybe from the forest. Phyllis: Forest? Did Andy say his girlfriend's from the forest? Erin: I don't know, Phyllis. Maybe she's from the city. Phyllis: Hmm. Robert: Looks terribly real, doesn't it, Creed? Creed: No... Robert: Are you scared of snakes? Creed: You don't live as long as I have without a healthy fear of snakes, Bobby. Darryl: [in the bathroom with Robert[ Yeah, I guess sometimes I have nightmares about being buried alive. Meredith: [talking to Robert] Honestly, Jim gives me the creeps. Robert: [to camera] What am I up to? Jim: Like, a few years down the road, Cece says, "Mom, there's a ghost in my closet." Now, you say one of two things - one, "You're just having a bad dream," or two, "Let's go see what it was." Pam: I'm not gonna freak her out, Jim. Jim: Ok. Pam: I'm not gonna lie to her, either. Jim: Oh, come on! Robert: When I was a boy, there was an empty house just up the hill from my family's. It was rumored a man committed su1c1de there after being possessed by the devil. One day, a young woman, Lydia, moved into the house with her infant child. That very night, Lydia was awakened by a loud, heinous hissing sound. [hisses] She walked to the nursery, and there, in baby's crib, was a snake wrapped around baby's neck, squeezing tighter and tighter. Creed: Oh my goodness. Robert: The crib was full of dirt. Baby struggled to free itself from underneath, reaching and clawing, gasping for air. Embalmed bodies rose from their sarcophagi, lurching toward baby, for they were mummies. Kevin: Nooo! Robert: Amongst them was a man, tall, slim. Meredith: Jim. [rolls eyes] Robert: Almost instinctively, she turned to her husband. "Oh, wait," she thought, "I don't have a husband." For Lydia and her husband had had an argument, one they couldn't get past. Each night, they slept one inch farther apart, until one night, Lydia left. It was about this time she lost herself in imaginary worlds. She had quit the book club, the choir, citing something about their high expectations. Her lips slowly grew together from disuse. Everytime she wanted to act and didn't, another part of her face hardened, until it was stone. And that fevered night, she rushed to the nursery, threw open the door, "Baby, are you okay?" Baby sat up slowly, turned to mother and said, "I'm fine, b!tch, I'm fine." Bert: [laughs] Robert: Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us. How dare we let it into our decision making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships. It's funny, isn't it, we take a day a year to dress up in costume and celebrate fear. Bert: Toby? Toby: Oh, hey, Bert. Wanna see the dance? Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry... Bert: You're fired. Toby: ...bones. What? Bert: You heard me. Pack your things. Toby: What... you can't... Gabe? Are you... Bert: I'm the CEO's son. Pack your things. You're done.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x05 - Spooked"}	foreverdreaming
Andy: [Flickering Lights] Hey everybody it's closing time. You don't got to go home but you can't stay here. [Plays radio and the song is Closing Time by Semisonic] Erin: [Laughs and shrieks] Andy: Closing time. Andy: Every office needs an end of the day tradition. Something to tell you the day is over. Otherwise, you go home and the night just feels like more day. It's weird. Andy: Closing time Jim: [On phone] ...W R K. Andy: One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey and beer. Jim: Uh no it's W R K, as in kitten. Oh my boss is singing Closing Time, maybe that's what you are hearing. Andy: Come on pam! Andy/Pam: [Singing, Pam mumbling lyrics] Closing time, time for you to go home to the places you will be from. Pam: Let's see. Andy has been manager for a hundred and five days. Which means I've heard 'Closing Time' a hundred and five times. [nods and shakes head] Still don't know the words. Tah wa Ta way hm hm home and home and home. Andy: I know who I want to take me home. I know who I want to take me home. [Pulls towel through legs] I know who I want to take me home. [Spins Meredith in chair] Take me hooo...hooome! You know what fine! I try to start fun traditions for you guys, but if you don't want to sing... no traditions! Stanley: [singing] Closing time every new beginning... Stanley: I've never heard that song before. And once I heard it, I did not care for it, but that song means it's time to go home. Now...it's my favorite song. Andy/Stanley: [singing] Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end. Stanley: Goodnight. Andy: Whose your favorite iron chef? Robert: [speaking at the same time as andy] This is atrocious. Andy: You go first. Robert: The ticketing software paints a picture of a sloppy, careless, error prone office. Andy: Well the monitoring software is a double edged sword. Sometimes... Dwight: [runs in and interrupts] Sorry, go ahead. Robert: [to dwight] Did you need something from us? Dwight: Wha...Yes. Your attention. Uh because... No that is all. [walks out] Dwight: Last night I dreamed that the number two was the most valued number in the world. The vice president had all the power. Athletes fought for silver medals. Women were considered the best gender. And stadiums of fans shouted "We're number two!'. As with all my dreams, I'm guessing it was about my fear of immigrants. Robert: Last week an accounting mistake resulted in a client getting their order for free. Andy: Umpf...that's not good. Chalk that one up to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb out there. Robert: Who are they? Andy: They're both Kevin. Oscar is the Sex and the City gng and Angela, if you can picture... Robert: Andrew sometimes I feel like you don't know me at all. Andy: I would agree with that. Robert: Simply...end the mistakes Andy: End the mistakes, easy- Robert: When I come back next week and this report shows me no mistakes, we can talk about names, all day. Our favorite names, silly made up names, normal names said in a silly voice. Wouldn't that be nice? Andy: I would like that. Robert: End the mistakes. That is all I ask. [gets up from chair] And you can't have a favorite Iron Chef. It depends entirely on the secret ingredient. Sometimes I feel you don't know food at all. Jim: I'm just saying with the NBA lockout I think roller derby's in a really good place now. So...my pitch is...me, Pam, you and, someone else maybe Justine. Darryl: Nahh! [shakes head] No. Not Justine. Never Justine. Jim: Is that off again? Darryl: Oh yeah. Jim: Ok. Val: Hey, mandatory warehouse safety meeting. Today. Darryl: Ahh...We don't really do those. We just sign the thing. Val: Are you really this lazy? Darryl: I'll be there. Gabe: Hey. Val: Hey. Gabe: Monday's suck. Val: Yeaha...yup. [awkward silence then points to door] Just trying to get in. Dwight: I may have a little solution to our mistakes problem. This is a project I've been working on for quite some time and today, might be the day to use it. Andy: What do you got? Dwight: [opens folder] Allow me. You're going to love this. [struggles opening folder] Ugh...should've used a shorter string. Never mind, I know it by heart. It is a system that holds people accountable for everyone else's work. Andy: Sounds controversial. Dwight: Have I not been worthy of your trust? Have I not been a reliable number two? Andy: Do not go there! You're the deuce I never want to drop. Dwight: Well, I can make this work. I'll set it up right now. Just need your go ahead. Andy: Go do the voodoo that you do so well. Dwight: I will do my voodoo. Andy: Mmhmmm. Gabe: Hey. I need you to get the paperwork rolling on a new workplace relationship. Toby: For you? Gabe: Yes. For Gabe. Toby: Who are you seeing? That's gr... Gabe: Whom I'm seeing is Val from down in the warehouse. Toby: Oh. Gabe: I'm not technically seeing her, but uh I've seen her, with the eyes and uh there was attraction. In at least one direction. So..[holds up fist] Toby: You know I don't have to do the paperwork unless you're actually dating. Gabe: Ok, but once this starts, it's going to be moving fast. It's going to be hot and heavy and I don't want a bunch of bureaucratic red tape wrapped around my jock. You know? Toby: But I mean...uh have you talked to her? Is sh... Gabe: Yeah we had a whole conversation about Mondays... Toby: Do you know her last name, yet? Gabe: Toby I'm going to tell you her last name tomorrow because she's going to be screaming it tonight. Toby: She's going to be screaming her own last name? Gabe: Hey! Watch it. Toby: Good luck Gabe. Andy: Hi guys. I just wanted to say that, you all have been doing amazing work., really. Kevin: Thank you. Andy: And I'd like to add that your work has been a little sloppy. So, Dwight and I have implemented a new program that we like to call...Dwight... Dwight: The accountability booster. It registers every time a mistake has been made in the office. From a late delivery to an accounting error. Five strikes in a day equals a home run. One home run and you're out. Andy: If we as a group make five mistakes in a day, something bad happens like we block Minesweeper. Dwight: Or in this case an email gets sent to Robert California containing the consultants report from last year. Remember the one that recommended the branch be shutdown? And as a fail-safe also every negative email you've ever written about him to the group will also be forwarded to him. Kelly: What emails are you talking about? Dwight: Robert's favorite songs: Creep by TLC, Creep by Radio Head. You remember that one Jim? There is no way he hasn't strangled at least one stripper. Oscar. He eats his yogurt like he is punishing it for disappointing him. Kelly. Kelly: That's not that bad actually. Dwight: P.S. We should should kll him. Jim: Wait, so you installed a doomsday device? Dwight: No, it's an accountability booster. Jim: Which when it goes off it destroys everything. Very similar to a doomsday device. Dwight: Jim, you're trying to make me sound like some kind of evil maniac. Now the point is that we are now working in an environment where we have accountability to each other. I am confident that you guys are equal to the task. Kelly: Um, no we're not and you are a psycho who is ruining our lives. Ryan: We can't do this Dwight. Dwight: [Everyone angrily disagreeing]Smile...nod. Smile and nod. Dwight: They are making me out to be a Bond villian. I like to think of myself as a brilliant scientist who will stop at nothing to remake the world. Like...not Doctor Moreau someone good. Doctor Frankenstein, Doctor Jekyll, not them. Doctor... Andy: Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean the thing about this office is, we make a lot of mistakes. Dwight: But the device will change that. Without a safety net, people will improve. Andy: Alright everybody, looks like we need to be getting to work. Be extra careful. Double check everything or the accountability booster will getcha. Stanley: This doomsdays device sounds like a scare tactic to me. Oscar: There's an easy way to tell if this device is a sham. We just make a mistake. I'll send an order down to shipping before we've received payment. Dwight: [alert goes off] Oh, there's one mistake. Erin: Now we only have four strikes left until a home run. Andy: Dwight's our co-worker and he worked really hard on this doomsday device so I... Dwight: It's not a doomsday device, gosh. [Erin makes red strike on desk] We can do this you guys. Warehouse Crew: First. Second. Darryl: It's not a race. Warehouse Crew: Thirrrr....third. Darryl: Who knows what the belt is for? Gabe: It's for protecting my ass. When you suckers lift more than you can handle. Sup, I'm Gabe. Corporate. Continue. Don't be nervous. Darryl: Apparently we have a visitor. Gabe, everyone. Warehouse Crew: Hi, gabe. Darryl: All right so the support belt. Now this one is mine. Doesn't get much use nowadays. Gabe: Look at this, this is enormous. Gabe: I get the sense that Val enjoys a good putdown. Considering that's the only thing I know about her. I will be milking that hard. [Gestures milking a cow] Gabe: It's like a hula hoop. Right. Mele Kalikimaka is the wise way. Darryl: You done? Gabe: The Michelin man called, he wants his cummerbund back. Phyllis: Remember we have to give Rigo Escrow their refund by five. Kevin: I'm on it. Angela: Kevin, maybe I should handle that. We really need you to focus on your project. Kevin: Good thinking. Kevin: Apparently a big client for this company, needs to know the story of how paper gets made. Angela: Oscar, use a calculator. [Oscar shakes head] Oscar: When the stakes are this high, there is only one computer that I trust. And it's powered by thai food and spanish reds. [points to his head] Andy: Alright everybody, you are doing great! Dwight: Well, I wouldn't say that. Three mistakes already is pretty terrible, but I do see improvement. Meredith kept someone on hold for thirty minutes and now look she's hard at work. [Meredith gives dwight the finger] Jim: Dwight, question. Dwight: No questions. Jim: If this doomsday device goes off... Dwight: Accountability booster. Jim: If this bad idea goes off and we all lose our jobs. Are you going to feel good about that? Dwight: I haven't even considered it. That's how sure I am that this accountability booster is going to work. Stanley: Try mose1234. Ryan: Dwight would never be that obvious. Try something like...z64$8. [incorrect password] Not that exactly Jim, something like that. Jim: Ok. Dwight: How about Scrantonstrangler666. Jim: Nope. Dwight: No. Oh sh*t. Ha ha ha...You guys are never gonna shut down the machine, ok? But I appreciate your energy and your team work. If you applied this to your regular work, You won't even notice that the device is there, watching you ready to strike. Kelly: Wha...what's Dwight's mothers name. Jim: Hmm...Heda. [alert] No. Darryl: Once you read the packet, sign the back. Gabe: Hey Darryl, I was thinking, uh, maybe while we read through this, uh, you could grab us all some coffee. My treat. It's a hundred dollar bill. Should cover it I think. Don't bring me any of that caramel soy latte crap, ok? I want a decaf frappuccino. Val... Darryl: Actually, Val, why don't you come with? I'll need the extra hands to carry them back. Val: Yeah, sure. Gabe: Uh. Darryl: Mmhmm. [points at gabe] Caramel soy latte. Gabe: Decaf frap- Darryl: Got it. Angela: You sent the late notice to Ryan Heart & Wolf. Right? Oscar: Mhm. Six-forty, six-twenty. Angela: Six-seventy, six-twenty. Oscar: Nuh uh. Angela: yes! Oscar: Five eighty-eight plus fifteen percent- Oh no. Kevin: What does this mean? What does it mean! Oscar: Andy. [alert sounds] Angela: Ohhhh! Andy: Gahhh. That's five strikes. Stanley: [pulls out Brandy bottle] Well...I was saving this for my retirement, which I guess is today. Andy: Dwight we got five strikes. Dwight: Really? Andy: Did the email go out or... Dwight: It goes out automatically at five P.M. Andy: Well, th- There's gotta be a way to stop it. Dwight: Well, I would have to enter my password in order to cancel it. Andy: Ok! Dwight you may now enter your password. Dwight: No. Andy: What?! Dwight: You don't deserve to have this branch. Five mistakes in less than a day. Phyllis: We did our best. Dwight: No you didn't, Phyllis. You complained the whole time. You yelled at me. You tried to break into the machine. [everyone interjects] What?! Erin: You're a real crumb bum, you know that? Dwight: Hey, you can't just change the rules because you don't like the outcome. What about you, Kevin? What about you and your fake task? Can you tell me now where paper comes from? Kevin: Uh, the man tree puts its penis- Dwight: Ha. Ok, alright. Andy back me up here, please. Andy: Nn no. Dwight: What? Andy: No! Oscar: Dwight be human for once. Shut down the machine. Kelly: Shut it down! Shut it down! Shut down the machine!!! [erin joins in yelling] Shut it down! Shut it down! Dwight: Good luck finding a new job idiots. I'll make sure to write you a glowing reference. Glowingly negative. Erin: Dwight's car is gone. Pam: I bet he went home. Andy: Some of us should go there and talk some sense into him. Get him to stop that email. Andy: Pam, you should come with me. Dwight really likes you and your breasts are enormous that could help us. Kevin: Yeah. Andy: Kevin has that lovability. Kevin: Guys come on. I'm right here. Andy: Jim, I want you to go find Robert just be where he is in case that email goes out at five. You can try to delete it or something. Jim: Ok, where is he? Erin: Uh, he's at some club where you either eat squash or play squash. Jim: I'll try both. Dwight: [digging] Oh. Come to reason with me? Andy: Gotcha something. [gives Dwight cap, Dwight throws it aside] And, uh, I just really want to talk to you- Dwight: Get lost. Andy: Well now hold on it, it- Pam: What are you doing? Dwight: What does it look like I'm doing? Digging a grave for a horse. Pam: Uhm. Erin: Do you need a hand? Pam: Yeah, do you need a hand? [everyone joins in] Dwight: If you ht another horse, you've dug to far. Robert: I'll see you next week Will. [at the club, playing squash] Jim: Robert. Robert: Jim what are you...What a surprise. Jim: Yeah, well, you know just had a meeting. Squash meeting. Robert: Yeah. Jim: You up for a game? Robert: A game or a match? Jim: Exactly. Here we go. Let's do it. Pam: Are you okay, Kevin? [Kevin gives thumbs down] Andy: [to Dwight] Where you going? Dwight: In. I'm hungry. Pam: Uh, could we come in too? Just for some water. Dwight: Okay. Take off your shoes. Except you Kevin, they stay on. Pam: Oh, wow. I forgot how pretty your house is. Dwight: This is the new addition, built my Erasmus Schrute in 1808. It doubled as a tuberculosis recovery room until 2009. Val: That's too much Doodle and not enough Lab. Darryl: Yeah, when are they gonna do a Labradoodle that's just Lab? Val: That's what I'm sayin'. Gabe: [to Val] Hey. You're welcome. Val: Thanks for the coffee. Gabe: So, tonight I was thinking, I'm gonna go to the cemetery. I'm gonna drink a little wine and I thought maybe you'd like to come with me. Val: Are you asking me on a date? Gabe: Yes, I am. Val: Because I don't date coworkers. It's not personal, it's a matter of policy. Gabe: I could quit. Problem solved. Val: Don't quit. [Darryl eavesdropping, nods] Darryl: Good policy. Sensible. Smart. Jim: Alright. Serving. Serving. Serving. Serving. Robert: In the box. Jim: In the box. [hits it straight into the floor] Oscar: Why haven't we heard anything? It's 4:45. There's only 15 minutes left. Angela: Oh, now you can do math? Where were you 2 hours ago 'A Beautiful Mind'- Oscar: I made a mistake. I'm sorry. Stanley: I know how to save the company, everyone. Just write a petition, get everyones' signature, including our clients, march down to Florida, and shove it up your butt! Ha! [laughing and drinking Brandy] Oscar: It's not that funny. Erin: [Kevin comes around corner with a pan, ready to strike Dwight, Pam shakes her head] Oh, Pam. You got something on your shirt. Pam: Oh, haha. Oh well. Pobody's nerfect, right? Dwight: Did you just have a stroke, Pam? It's "Nobody's perfect." Nice stroke, Pam. Pam: No. It's a jokey saying. Pobody's nerfect, like I can't even say those words right. Ha. Dwight: I hadn't heard that before, that's, that's funny. Andy: Dwight, there's just a small matter of a- Pam: You know what would go so great with this cabbage pie? Milk. Dwight: Any specific animal? Pam: I'm thinking cow- Dwight: Don't say cow- Ugh. Andy: What are you doing? It's 5 to 5. Pam: Just don't talk about the email, okay? He's gonna cancel it on his own, I really think he will. Andy: That's insane! Pam: Just trust me. Andy: Trust you, like I trusted Dwight this morning. Pam: I got this. Andy: Enngh- Pam: Hahhh, thanks for everything. Dwight: Sive drafely. [Pam points back at him, smiling] Kevin: Isn't it supposed to be, "Drive safely"? Jim: [a text tone goes off] Is that my phone? Robert: Sounded like mine. Jim: Nah, I think it's mine. Lemme just check real quick, here. Alright. Robert: Well, it's mine. You took it out of my bag. Jim: Oh, oh yeah. Robert: Can I have it? Jim: Yes. Right now? Yes. Robert: Yep. Jim: Here you go. [throws it over glass] Robert: Whoa, no, wait, wait, wait, whoa. [tries to catch it with racket, misses, lands on floor] Robert: [censored beep] ha, Jesus. Jim: Awww, sorry. Did it break? Robert: Nah, it's good. Jim: You sure? Robert: Yeah. Jim: What kinda iPhone is that? Robert: It's the standard one. The one everyone has. Jim: Oh yeah. I have the one that nobody has. Is there anything interesting? Robert: It depends Jim. Do you find one-day only Jet Blue sales to Buffalo interesting? Jim: Ha ha. No, I don't. No, I don't. Alright, well, I am sore and obviously horrible at this, so- [texting on his phone] Robert: My serve! Pam: [her text tones rings] Dwight stopped the device! Andy: Oh! Kevin: Yes! Erin: Haho! Oscar: [his phone vibrates] He stopped it! Ryan: Oh! [everyone yelling out, celebrating] We still have our jobs. Dwight: They're not my favorite people in the world. I wouldn't even call them friends. They come over here, eat my pie, dig the crappiest horse grave you've ever seen. [pulls cap he previously discarded, out of the dirt] God, I'm gonna have to work with them forever, aren't I? Robert: Take it easy. Nice and easy. Jim: [hits ball, ricochets to groin] Ah! Classic, right? [Jim continues to rally poorly and falls down] Robert: Oo! Jim: I'm alright. Robert: You alright? Jim: Yep. Robert: Skinned knee. Jim: Yep. Ah. Oh. [and skinned elbow] Robert: Oo, a little ice on that maybe. Jim: Yeah. That does not feel good. Robert: Okay. My serve.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x06 - Doomsday"}	foreverdreaming
Andy: Erin. Erin: Yeah. Andy: In two minutes I want you to come into this meeting and tell me I have a really important phone call. I'm not going to take it because I want him to know how important the meeting is to me. Erin: Who's calling? Andy: Nobody. Just say that I'm- Just make it up that I have a phone call. And then I'm going to refuse to take it. Erin: You're not going to take it? Andy: Just make up a phone call. It's not a real call. Make it up. Erin: Ohohohoh. Andy: And come and tell me. Doesn't matter what it is. Erin: You're not going to get it though? Andy: I'm not going to take it. And then he's going to be like "whoa this is a really important meeting". Erin: Copy that. Andy: Okay. Andy: Ok, so tell me exactly what kind of deal you are getting now and I'll tell you how we can bat it. Client: Uh well we've been going with... Erin: Andy. Andy: Yeah. Erin: You have a very important call. Andy: I'm sorry – I'm with a very important client. It'll have to wait. Erin: Are you sure? It's really, really important. Andy: There is nothing more important to me right now than this meeting. Erin: Really? Because your mother is dad. Client: Oh my God. Andy: I don't think she's dad. Erin: She's dad. She was ht by a bus. Andy: She's not dad. This is exactly the kind of thing my mom pulls. Erin: This isn't one of those times. It's the police. They said it's the worst they've ever seen. Dwight: Andy I'm really sorry about your mother. My deepest condolences. Client: Oh you must take this call. It's... Andy: Yeah. Um line 1? Erin: Line 2. Andy: Hi. Darryl:[on phone]It's Darryl. Erin told me to pretend to be a cop and say your mom died. Andy: Ooh, gosh! Darryl: Dude. Andy: Officer. Darryl: Look man this is a bad idea. Andy: Did she have any last words or? Darryl: Really? That is messed up man. Andy: Oh make sure that your client gets the best deal possible. Darryl: You're a bad man Andy Bernard. Andy: That is so mom. Darryl: That stuff can come back to get you. It's called karma. You do not want to be messing around. I got an uncle... Andy: Alright thank you officer. Erin please hold all my other calls. Where were we? Pam: Hey Cathy. Cathy: Hi. Pam: How's it going? Everything make sense? Cathy: I think everything is under control. Pam: Great. Cathy: You should sit down. Pam: Oh no, I'm fine. Cathy: No I should go fill out my paperwork. Pam: Ok [squeaking sound] Oh that was just me. Pregnant Pam. And I make sounds much worse than this. Dwight: Oh we know. Pam: I'm training a temp to be my replacement while I'm on maternity leave. Oh I should've mentioned I'm pregnant. You probably didn't notice because it's impossible to tell I'm so small. But yeah I'm pregnant. [another squeak] Oh come on! Ryan: Hey – asking for a friend. Do you happen to know if that new girl is single? Jim: Hmm. Doubt it. Ryan: Yeah me too. Pam: You doubt it? Jim: What's that? Pam: Why do you doubt that she's single? Jim: Honestly I have no idea. I just figured we'd save her from Ryan right? Darryl: What are you doing with my lunch? Andy: I'm delivering it from the fridge. It's like a p*rn. Hey did anyone order a pizza? Darryl: It's not pizza. Andy: Yeah and we're not about to make love. I just thought maybe you'd want to eat lunch at your desk today so that during lunch we could go down to the warehouse and bang out a few tunes. Darryl: I like the sound of that. Is Kevin in? Andy: Uh you tell me [Kevin playing drums with chicken legs] Ryan: So word on the street is she has a boyfriend. Gabe: Well he's probably a drug dealer. That's the best way to land a hot girlfriend. You just uh get her hooked on blow. Toby: It's going to be nice to have just a healthy, young, fit presence in the middle of the office. Oscar: Yeah aesthetically speaking she adds a nice presence. Offscreen: Good energy Pam: It's going to be good to have someone hot at Pam's desk huh? Oscar: No, no. Not even. Pam: I'm kidding! Oh my gosh you guys! She's obviously super cute I get it. But I'd like to point out there's 50 pounds more of me to love if that's your thing. Oscar: Pam you look more beautiful now than ever. Toby: Radiant. Pam: Thank you. Really you guys thank you. Very sweet. Phyllis: Yeah you have this sexy glow. Gabe: It's one of the most common fetishes. Pam: Really well thank you all. Toby: You know it's not just pregnant women who don't get their due. You know who's gorgeous? Helen Mirren. Ryan: Yes! Have you seen her in a bikini? Amazing? Toby: You know what would be the hottest thing ever? It's a pregnant Helen Mirren. [everyone agrees] Dwight: Ok ok ok no no no. This is disgusting. You realize what you're saying? The hottest thing ever would be a 66 year old pregnant woman. Oscar: In this case yes. Dwight: No! There are universal biological standards of beauty and attraction. And you are purposefully celebrating the opposite of them to mollycoddle a pregnant woman. Phyllis: No we're not. Dwight: Yes you are. And another thing. Helen Mirren was born Helen Mironov. That's right. You're fake salivating over a Soviet era Russian. Andy: [scatting] Ske-be-do-bah-bap-bah-de, ske-be-de-bapa-de-bapa-boopa-dooten-bebe-daten-booray. Darryl: Nice scatting, man. Andy: Thank you. I think I said doop instead of boop at one point. Val: Not bad fellas, you're better than you look. Kevin: Hey, screw you! Andy: [sees Robert California enter] Hey Robert, are we meeting early? Robert: Just taking a stroll. What exactly have I stumbled upon here? Andy: Well we're all musicians and we play together sometimes. Robert: You're a band. Andy: Thank you. Kevin: We're called Kevin and the Zits. Darryl: That was never agreed upon. Robert: I miss being in a band. Andy: Miss no more! What do you play? Join us! Kevin: I have a tambourine. Robert: Tambourine? You know I'm the CEO, right? Andy: [to Kevin] CEOs don't play tambourines. Tambourines are for girlfriends. Robert: I play harmonica. I think I have one in the car. Andy: Great! Kevin: Nice guys, Robert is going to be a Zit! Darryl: Again, never agreed upon. Andy: I had totally given up on hanging out with Robert California and now he wants to be in our band! And when you're in a rock and roll band with somebody, you're bonded for life! Darryl: Usually that life is short and tragic. That's okay, right? Andy: Yeah, even cooler. Kevin: We all got to go sometime. Pam: Hey. Jim: Hey. Pam: Helen Mirren. Hot? Jim: Yeah. Super pretty. Pam: Huh. What about Cathy? Jim: The temp? Pam: Yeah. Do you think she's hot? Jim: Nope. Pam: I'm not asking if you're in to her. Just, objectively, do you find her attractive? Jim: And I'm telling you, I don't. Pam: You don't find Cathy attractive? Jim: No, I don't. Jim: No, I'm not going to tell my nine-months-pregnant wife that I find her replacement objectively attractive. Just like I'm not going to tell my two-year-old daughter that violent video games are objectively more fun. It's true, but it doesn't help anybody. Pam: Look at her. Even I want some fries with that shake. Jim: Okay. Uh, I don't. So are we good? [Jim leaves] Dwight: That's just absurd. Pam: Yes, because she's hot, right? Dwight: Her breasts are large, her waist is small, her reproductive health in ample evidence. And facial symmetry- come on. Pam: The thing about pregnancy is people treat you differently. Like you're a kid almost. They lose all sense of boundaries. They start acting weird, telling you things that clearly aren't true. I know it sounds nuts, but I think Dwight is the only one who's telling me the truth. Pam: Dwight, am I hot right now? Dwight: Why would I or anyone else think that you're hot right now? I can't impregnate you, and that's the driving force between male-female attraction. Pam: What about before? Was I attractive before? Dwight: Meh... you were at your most attractive when you were 24 with a slight, gradual decline and a steep drop-off when you got pregnant for the first time. Gradual recovery and, uh, well now, obviously, you're at an all-time low. Pam: Hmm. I think Jim's lying to me about not being attracted to Cathy. Dwight: You think Jim's lying? [laughs] That's so cute. I know he's lying. Pam: Five bucks if you can get him to admit it. Dwight: Done. [Pam goes for a high five] I never touch a pregnant woman. Pam: Yep, that's the Dwight I need. Dwight: If we're going to work together, we need some ground rules. Pam: Okay. Dwight: Rule one: our only loyalty is to the truth. Pam: I think so. Okay. Dwight: Rule two: we stop at nothing. Pam: Well, what does that... is that... okay. Dwight: Rule three: Don't fall in love. Pam: Yep, good. Dwight: We're gonna bust this guy. Pam: Honesty is very important to me. Dwight: So important. And then we will destroy the man himself. Pam: Let's just see how we feel when we get there. Kelly: Well, you came to the right person. You have to follow your intuition, Pam. You don't want to end up like Elin Nordegren. Actually, what am I saying, you wish you had her life- no offense, Pam. Dwight: None taken. What do you got? Kelly: It is called the matchmaker test, and it is very powerful. Basically we have Pam ask Jim which of his friends he would set up with Cathy. If Jim picks a really hot friend, then we know that he thinks that Cathy's hot. Pam: Hmm. Robert: [to the keyboardist, Curtis, and the drummer] Hey, you found us! Curtis: You guys sound great, man. Robert: Darryl, Andy, Kevin, this is Curtis Dorough, local musician and the officiate at my wedding. Darryl: Local musician? Local legend! I used to come hear you play every week at the Deerhead. Kevin: [to drummer] Dude, you're on TV! You're the sportscaster on channel seven. Drummer: Go Eagles! [laughs] Kevin: You do that on TV! Robert: You guys mind if they join us? Andy: Yeah, absolutely! Kevin: Guys, I've got some instruments right here. [holds up tambourine and güiro] Darryl: Hey, why don't you and me play those? Kevin: Yeah? Okay, this is awesome. Robert: What should we play? Kevin: Maybe we should warm up with some scales? Robert: Midnight Rambler? Curtis: Yeah. Andy: Midnight what? Curtis: [singing] Have you heard about the midnight rambler? [Lisa, the guitarist, enters] Hey, come on in, baby. Yeah! Pam: Hey, I was talking to Cathy. Turns out she is single. Jim: Oh, I stand corrected. Pam: I thought it might be fun to set her up with someone. Any ideas? Jim: Oh, you know who might be good? Mike Tibbets. Pam: Mike Tibbets, really? Jim: Mm-hmm. Ryan: Hey, who's this Mike Tibbets guy? What kind of car does he drive? Jim: Not his mom's car. Ryan: Yeah, 'cause his mom's car's probably not a Nissan Z. Jim: Touche? Kelly: [sees photo of Mike Tibbets] Eww! Pam: Kelly, calm down. Kelly: I mean, I guess he'd be okay with hair. Okay, you should see if he'll get hair plugs. Pam: I don't think Jim cares about his hair. Kelly: Yeah, but I do Pam, okay? It's called being a nice person. Dwight: I don't see what's so ugly about him. He's got the broad face of a brewer. Pam: Jim's on to me. Dwight: Hmm? Pam: Yeah, Jim barely talks to Mike. We had to go through like two levels of friends to even find his profile. Jim picked someone just unattractive enough to shut me up without tipping it. Dwight: Just ugly enough to have deniability. Pam: Yep. Jim: Mike Tibbets is like the most boring-looking guy I know. So if that was for the matchmaker test, I think I'm in the clear. If that wasn't for the matchmaker test, then... Cathy, he's a really nice guy. Dwight: Well, Jim may be lying with his words, but he can't lie with his body. Kelly: I'm gonna write something mean on his wall. Pam: No, Kelly, don't. Dwight: The male reveals attraction through unconscious and involuntary physical signs. The puffing of the chest, mirroring, increased blood flow to the crotch. I say we start there. Pam and Kelly: With the crotch? Dwight: With the crotch. Kevin: [music plays] Whoo! Dwight: Psst. We're not here. [slips Toblerone candy to Creed] Creed: Who said that? Dwight: Exactly. Creed: How'd I get this long triangle? Dwight: Okay, just shut it. Pam: Is he puffing out his chest? Dwight: I can't tell. It's unnaturally sunken. [Jim says something and Cathy laughs] Busted. He just was mirroring. Did you see that? Pam: No. Maybe he just said something funny. Dwight: Jim has no discernible sense of humor, Pam. You should know that. Pam: I think he's just making her laugh. Dwight: Time for me to find out. Pam: Why's he making her laugh so much? Dwight: Just going to walk over here- [fake trips] whoa, whoa, I'm slipping and falling! Oh, stumbling, I need something to grab on to! [grabs Jim's crotch] Jim: Dwight! Cathy: Are you okay? Dwight: I'm fine, I'm totally fine. Jim: Dwight! Dwight! Dwight: Yes? [Jim pushes Dwight's hands away] Wha- Jim. Jim: [to Cathy] Sorry about that. Dwight: Aw, cramp, I'm just- [grabs Jim's crotch again] Jim: Dwight! [pushes Dwight's hands away] Why? Dwight: I'm sorry, I fell down, Mr. Balance. Jim: Leave. Dwight: [to Pam] Does your husband have very soft erections? Because if not, I just grabbed a very soft penis for nothing. Pam: Why was he making her laugh so much? Pam: Oh, hey, I'll just be a second. Cathy: Yeah, take your time. Pam: Okay. Cathy: [to Jim] Oh, that line from Zoolander? Jim: Mm-hmm? Cathy: It was from a deleted scene so we were both right. Jim: [laughs] Told you. Cathy: Um, do I hand in my expense reports to a particular accountant or- Pam: Oscar, Cathy has a question! Cathy: Sorry, um, I'll just go ask Oscar. Pam: [to Jim] Yeah? Jim: You okay? Pam: Why won't you just admit that she's attractive? It's kind of annoying that you won't say it. Jim: Okay, what can I do to make you believe me? Pam: Well, Dwight had this idea, and I thought it was kind of crazy. But maybe that's where we are now. Dwight: She called it crazy? Aw, man, that's insulting. All I did was propose a makeshift lie-detector test. Monitoring his blood pressure, pulse, perspiration, and breathing rate. Pam: Yeah, its nuts. But I don't know what else to do. Dwight: And she called it nuts? Darryl: Seriously, that was hot. Feel like you and the newsman had a groove going. Kevin: Mm-hmm. Andy: Did you know that Lisa toured with Chaka Khan? Kevin: Are you serious? From Star Trek? Darryl: [to Val] Hey, you caught some of that? Val: I caught it. Darryl: What, you don't like the blues? Val: I might enjoy seeing you guys play the blues. Andy: Well, we are playing. We're all playing together. These are our jam buddies. It's a jam session. We go where the music takes us. [music starts] Val: I think the music left without you. Dwight: Come on. Jim: Stop shoving me. Dwight: [mocking] Stop shoving me. Stop grabbing my penis. Grow up. Take off your jacket and take a seat. When it lies, the human body exhibits many telltale signs. Jim: [to Pam] Really? Pam: This could all go away if you just tell me the truth. Old Man: Uh, are you all in line? Dwight: Why don't you go check out the sympathy cards, old man? [to Jim] Now I'm going to ask you just a few simple questions. Wait for this to constrict. Here we go. Is your name Jim Halpert? Jim: Si. Pam: Wait, that's it? That's the question you're going to ask him? Dwight: We have to start with a baseline question to establish what the truth is. Old Man: You have to share the machine with others. Dwight: [mimicking] Well, that's what they taught me in my 19th century kindergarten. Jim: Okay, Dwight, come on. [to old man] You can go first. Old Man: Thank you. Dwight: Jim, are you serious? Jim: Oh, you know what? This reminds me, Cece needs a new toothbrush. Andy: Maybe we could switch instruments. Kevin: Yeah. Andy: 'Cause, uh, my body's starting to get bruised. Darryl: Yeah, maybe everyone move one instrument to the right? Andy: We had to leave because of creative differences. Darryl: Yeah they kind of had a specific sound that didn't really fit in with our thing. Kevin: Guys, this means they're Kevin and the Zits now. Darryl: No man, we are. Andy: Well- Darryl: No, no, no. Dwight: [to old man] Okay, you're done. Old Man: I have a new heart, you know. Dwight: Do you really, Tin Man? Okay, where were we? Jim: No, I'm not worried. Because this lie isn't for me, it's for Pam. And when she gets her body back and her confidence back... yes, I will tell her the truth. That I had feelings for a co-worker today that I haven't had in years. But in my defense, he was grabbing my crotch fairly aggressively at the time. Dwight: Do you find Cathy Simms attractive? Jim: No. Dwight: Yep, he's lying. Pam: Ah, see, was that so hard? Jim: I am not lying. Pam: Really? Jim: Pam, are you really gonna listen to his stupid homemade test? Dwight: I would listen to my homemade test, because your husband is definitely lying. In fact, he's lied about every question. Even his name. Who are you really? Pam: Wait, what? Dwight: Look at the numbers. Every single time, it's come up 150 over 100. Your husband is a pathological liar. Pam: Jim, you have high blood pressure. Dwight: Oh, he is definitely attracted to her. Pam: Doesn't your dad have high blood pressure? Jim: Yeah, but I don't smoke. Pam: When was the last time you went to the doctor? Jim: I don't know. Dwight: It's important to go every month and get your prostate checked. You can do it at home by yourself with your finger. You just stick it- Pam: Dwight, stop. I'm not kidding, I mean, I need you to take care of yourself. What would we do if something happened to you? Jim: Okay, easy. Trust me, I'm around for the long-haul. Dwight: It's not really your choice, is it? Death waits for no man. Jim: Okay. Pam: Come on, let's go. I wanna call your doctor. Dwight: Doesn't it worry you in the slightest that Jim is not his real name? Pam: Just go home. It doesn't matter. Dwight: But... hey, Cece's toothbrush. Jim: Thank you. Andy and Darryl: Oh baby I love your way. Darryl: Every day. Andy and Darryl: Wanna be with you night and day. Darryl and Kevin: And day. Andy and Darryl: Oh baby I love your way. Andy: [scatting] Rudit-do-do-do-di-do.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x07 - Pam's Replacement"}	foreverdreaming
Gabe: The Sabre Code of Conduct outlines the governing principles key to establishing and maintaining trust with our employees, clients- Kelly: Oh my God, kll me! Andy: Hey! All right, obviously we all want to die but we have to get through this. So, Gabe go ahead. It's okay. Gabe: Oh, is it okay with you? Because if it's not, you work for me, so... Comply with all applicable laws, regulations, policies and contracts governing our business. Be honest, fair- Pam: [whispers to Jim] I'm gonna do it. Gabe: And trustworthy in all your business activities and relationships. Treat one another- Pam: Oh! I'm going into labor! Oh my goodness! Jim: Oh okay, she's going into labor. Make way, everybody! Pam: I know it's wrong to fake going into labor just to get out of things, but sometimes it's necessary. Pam: [after Angela gives her a stack of files]: I'm going into labor! Phyllis: Or should I have corndogs. I mean- Pam: I'm going into labor! Ryan: Okay, three reasons you are wrong about True Blood. Number one- Pam: I'm going into labor. Pam: Here we go! Andy: Hey guys, uh, can't keep saying you're going into labor. Everyone knows you're full of it. Kelly: Yeah. Oscar: It's not fair, you guys. Kelly: Pitiful. Meredith: It's stupid. Andy: Never cry wolf. Jim: Okay. Pam: Okay. Erin: Oh. [liquid splatters] Pam: Oh! Oh! Everyone: Oh! Oh my goodness! Jim: Oh my God! Pam: I'm really in labor! This is happening! Jim: Okay guys, here we go! We'll see you! Pam: Oh! Jim: How do you feel? Erin: Drive carefully! Oscar: Good luck! Everyone: Goodbye! Good luck! [empty bottle falls to the ground] Pam: False alarm. Andy: [on the phone] What?! They took another client from us? Okay, bye. Man! Business is wr! Customers, clients- it's like a wr out there. Andy: I am a leader. But you can only inspire people so much in a place like this. So today I'm turning the inspire-factor up to ten with a little help from my friend America's bloodiest battle. Andy: Why even read business books? We should be studying wr. Going to places like Gettysburg. Where is that? Erin: It's right here in PA. Andy: [gags, coughs] Well we should take a fieldtrip there. I mean, that would be so cool. I wonder if that bus downstairs is- Angela: Okay, Andy, we get it. It's a trip to Gettysburg. Andy: That sounds super inspiring! I'm in! Dwight: Gettysburg? Hmm. Could be interesting. Second-most northern battle in the Civil wr. Oscar: Actually it is the northernmost. Dwight: Ha! Dwight: The Civil wr history industry has conveniently forgotten about the battle of Schrute Farms. [scoffs] Whatever. I'm over it. It's just grossly irresponsible. Andy: Charge! Phyllis: Well, this could be fun. I- Andy: Yeah, well, the bus has free wifi and I made special low-sugar lunches for everyone. And is anyone kosher or halal? Ryan: What's the halal option? Andy: Dates, tabbouleh, and a bagel with cream cheese. Ryan: Out. Andy: You know, it's the same as the kosher option. There's a lesson in there. I mean, I can't force you to go. You're not my slaves. Thanks to Gettysburg. But... who's coming with me? Erin: I'm in. Phyllis: I'm in too. Dwight: Guess I'm a sucker for historical fiction. Andy: Anyone who's not going, you're dad to me. You're uninvited. I don't want you to come. But, FYI, there will be leftover turkey and pesto sammies in the fridge. Kevin: Yes! Andy: [passes out hats] One for you. Erin: Cool. Thanks. Andy: And one for you. Jim: Cool. Thanks. [puts his hat on Erin's head] Andy: And- oh. You missed your head. [laughs and puts hat on Jim's head] There you go. Phyllis, think fast! Andy: All right, guys, a little foreplay before we do it. Fans of Ken Burns' Jazz will most certainly enjoy Civil wr. Darryl: You know, I just got Limitless on my iPad. I bet I could get it on the TV. Phyllis: Ooh. Isn't that the one where the guy becomes limitless? Andy: It's just not appropri- I mean, if we were going to visit Bradley Cooper's birthplace, I'd be the first one suggesting it. I'd be rooting for it. Everyone: Limitless! Limitless! Limitless! Limitless! Andy: All right, all right, all right. Kevin: Not food and stuff. Pam: Here. Like it? Kevin: Oh, if you buy the picnic table then you've got to get the fre pit. Pam: I can't get a fre pit. I have two babies. Kevin: The fre pit is a no-brainer. Robert: Oh, hi there. Pam: Plants and- hi, Robert! Hey, um, how are you doing? Good to see you again. Robert: Where is everyone? Where is Andy? Kelly: Andy took some of the other people on a corporate retreat to Gettysburg. Robert: Well, I was hoping to talk out some ideas with Andy. But what we have here... is perhaps better. By not going on the trip, you've shown you're the free-thinkers of the office. Ryan: Robert, you got your sheep and you got your black sheep, and I'm not even a sheep. I'm on the freaking moon. Robert: So, here what we can do. Game changers- changes to the game such that the game can never be played the same way again. Everyone, brainstorm some innovations. Don't be afraid to get weird with it. Meredith! [wakes her up] Excited! Kevin: [tries stapler/marker combo] Okay. Andy: You guys... Darryl: J-j-j-ju... Andy: Get excited! Darryl: Shh! Movie's almost over. Andy: All right! We're here. Limitless can wait. Gabe: Fun fact. In France, they call Limitless 'The Man with Many Capabilities.' Andy: Woo-hoo! Ladies and gentlemen the eighteen hundreds await you. We can watch Limitless on the way back. Darryl: I got Source Code on the way back. Everyone: Ooh! All right! Andy: Woo! Andy: Whoa, where you going? Jim: Visitor center. Gonna grab a map for the memorials, right? Andy: Yeah, we're not going to the visitor center. We're not tourists. Jim: No, of course we're not tourists. We're just people that aren't from here who are taking a tour. Phyllis: Yeah, sign says "Begin tour here." Andy: Unless you're going on the very specially-created and meticulously-researched Andy Bernard tour. Andy: After Chancellorsville, Lee brought his army up the Shenandoah Valley, right through here! They stopped in this field for a picnic, which they called lunch. Erin: [to Dwight] Yeah, but I'm confused... Dwight: Total deaths belongs to Gettysburg but when you're talking about D.P.A., that's deaths per acre... Erin: Mm-hmm. Dwight: ...nothing beats the battle of Schrute Farms. Erin: Oh. D.P.A. sounds way more important that total deaths. Dwight: Oh, it is. And you should read some of these letters that the soldiers wrote home. I mean, it makes the battle of Gettysburg sound like a bunch of schoolgirls wrestling over a hairbrush. [laughs] I'm telling you, they're heartbreaking too. So beautifully written. Oscar: Dwight, what are you telling this girl? Dwight: The truth. Oscar: Stop filling her head with nonsense, okay? She doesn't know any better. Erin: Oscar, I am so glad you just got here. I would've believed everything he said. Dwight: No, no, no! You're filling her head with nonsense. You and the history books. I'm telling the truth. Erin: Interesting. Dwight: Yes, thank you. All of history has been whitewashed. Oscar: Really? Why don't you tell us the real history, Gore Vidal? Dwight: Okay, I will. I don't know who that is, but I'm gonna tell you this- Oscar: he's a historian. Dwight: Gettysburg was very important. Credit where credit is due, okay? Big, mad props to Gettysburg. Was it, however, the most northern battle of the civil wr? Oscar: Yes, yes, yes! Dwight: Not by a long sht! Erin: No! Oscar: Yes! Dwight: No, it was not! Oscar: Argh! Dwight: No, it was not. Was it the second-most northern? Oscar: What? Dwight: Sure! I will cede it was the second-most northernmost battle! Oscar: Erin- Dwight: Was it the northernmost? No. Get out of here, Oscar. Erin: Get out of here! Robert: I am so eager to hear your game-changers. Let's dig in, shall we? Ryan: May I go first? Robert: Absolutely. Ryan: Raw fish- the disgusting food from Japan that Americans would never want to eat. Now, we can't get enough of it. From movie stars to construction workers, sushi is what's for dinner. Let me throw another idea at you. Origami. What? The crazy art of paper folding from, that's right, Japan. Don't you wish you could go back to 1980 and open the first sushi restaurant in Manhattan? We can do that! With... origami. It's the sushi of paper. Robert: This idea hasn't gripped me. What else did you come up with? Ryan: Well I had to memorize the presentation, Robert, and it took a long time to build the swan, so- Robert: That was bad. Stanley: If your woman is like mine, I bet you come home to hear the same thing all the time. This paper is so hard. It scratches. Why can't there be a paper just for me? Well now there is. 'Papyr.' Paper for women. It's pink, scented and silky soft. Now, you can watch the game and she can write a letter to her sister. Robert: The situation you described, returning home to a wife complaining about her paper being too masculine, is not one I'm familiar with. Stanley: In the African-American community- Robert: No. Stanley: [murmurs] Thought it was worth a try. Darryl: That's fascinating. Tell me, what's the significance of the peach orchard, thought? Park Ranger: Oh, well, that's a great question. Actually some of the most- Dwight: Excuse me, I got a question for you. Park Ranger: Sure. Dwight: Can you tell us about the battle of Schrute Farms? Park Ranger: Uh, I haven't heard of that one. Dwight: Really. Okay, follow-up question. How much are they paying you to keep your mouth shut? Oscar: I apologize for my friend and for the Republicans who are cutting your funding. Andy: We don't need to bother this poor gentleman. I know exactly where we're going. Giddy up! Tallyho! Chelsea: [taps Gabe's shoulder] Are you Lincoln? Gabe: No, no, I'm- Gabe: Apparently, I bear a passing resemblance to Abraham Lincoln. Makes it kind of hard for me to go to places like museums, historical monuments, elementary schools... I don't see it. Chelsea's Mom: Chelsea, give Mr. Lincoln your hat so I can take a picture. Gabe: Okay, Quick. Man: Hey! Lincoln's starting. [light applause] Gabe: Oh, uh, no. No, no, no, no. I'm, uh, I'm actually with a tour group myself, so- [laughter] Hello! I'm Abraham Lincoln! Some people call me the great emancipator, but, uh, you might know me from the penny. [laughter] Pam: Okay. You know the test booklets that they give out in all the schools. I was thinking that we could put a coupon in the back that people would mail in to us... and as, you know, as I tell it, I don't like it. Unless, of course, you are responding to it. Robert: I am not. Pam: Um, excuse me. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Pam: At this point, when you're this pregnant, it's kind of like senior spring. The other day I spit my gum out on the carpet. Robert: Kevin, you've been quiet. I'm curious to know what your game-changer is. Kevin: Well, you know how in the vending machine they have the chocolate chip cookies in the A-1 spot? They do that 'cause they think A-1's the best spot for the best cookie. But the real best spot is D-4. Right? That's where the eyes go. So... Robert: Cookies. Cookie placement. Kevin: Yeah. But not just the cookies, though. That was just a 'for instance.' Robert: Who else agrees with Kevin, that we're wasting facilities, manpower, on our underselling products when we should be pushing our top-performers? [everyone raises their hand, Robert laughs] There you go. Consensus. Ryan: Okay, we are now on a planet where Kevin is the most creative person around, and I am just some good-looking guy. Gabe: [as Lincoln] I just don't understand. It's 1865, victory is ours, I've saved the very soul of our nation, and yet... happiness eludes me. Oh, perhaps a trip to the theater will enliven my spirits. Audience: No! Kevin: 'Kay, so another thing about oatmeal cookies. Who even wants them? I mean, I've seen Toby eat one, like, once, but other than that... [scoffs] like, forget it. Robert: Interesting. So what is Dunder Mifflin's oatmeal cookie? What is the product that no one wants? Stanley: how about that two-hole-punch letter? Only the lawyers want that punch at the top and they use legal. Robert: That's the oatmeal cookie. Fantastic, Kevin. Fantastic. [laughs] Kevin: Thank you. Jim: By the way, did we leave all the food on the bus? Andy: Let's talk about food for a second. Food for thought. Jim: Yeah, that's what I had for breakfast and I think that's probably why I'm still hungry. Andy: Hunger! Hunger for victory! Hunger for honor. Hunger for pride. Darryl: Hunger for hamburger. Erin: Hunger for chicken chimichangas. Right, Darryl? Darryl: That's good. Andy: Exactly. Now do you know the Civil wr soldiers were hungry for? Pride! Now, each battalion had its own flag and they guarded these flags with their lives. Colonel Harrison Jeffords of the Fourth Michigan Infantry saw his flag being carried away, chased it down with nothing but a sword. Fought tooth and nail at the foot of that flag until he died. He wasn't about to let them have that flag. Pride. Right, guys? [holds up flag] I commissioned this flag for Dunder Mifflin. Cost me two hundred dollars. Jim: Only two hundred dollars? Andy: We are all branches on this tree. And from the tree comes paper. We're all part of a business. But business is wr. What's that I hear? Uh, a rebel paper company is coming to take our flag! Wha- what's going on here? Wee-hoo! Come and get it! Who's gonna get the flag? Who's getting it? Whoa! Hey! Ho! Don't look where I am, look where I'm going. Juke right, juke left. Darryl: Andy, this is inappropriate. People died here, man. Andy: Get the flag! Get the flag! Come on, Big Tuna. What you gonna do about it? We got a flag right here. Wee-hoo! Andy: Spangler Springs is a mile this way. Jim: Oh wow. So that's two miles if you incorporate the walk back. Andy: Its... I mean come on. Phyllis: I don't think I should walk anymore. You know all I had for breakfast was oatmeal, yogurt, coffee, orange juice and toast. Two poached eggs. And then half a sandwich on the bus. Andy: Alright fine. You know what – I guess this place just hasn't rubbed off on you the way I hoped it would. I'm still going. And I'm not going to ask anymore. I'm not even going to look back. I'm just going to assume that you're with me. Dwight: [Andy looks back to find everyone sitting] You said you weren't going to look back. Robert: And why is Black Rock suddenly the paragon by which all hedge funds must now be compared? Kevin: I don't know. Robert: Right. I mean you're an accountant. Those bogus prospectuses must drive you insane. Kevin: Yes. I am an accountant. Oscar: Dwight – this is one of the archivists here. I thought maybe we could consult him. Dwight: Really? Oscar: Yeah. Dwight: Well. Anyone employed by the Gettysburg Industrial Complex is certainly going to want to keep quiet about the Battle of Schrute Farms. Archivist: Schrute Farms did you say? That is a fascinating little chapter of the Civil wr. Oscar: You've heard about it? Dwight: YES! Ha! Prepare to be refuted! Go on. Archivist: There you go. Narrator: Families and sweethearts back home waited desperately for letters from the front. Soldier: Dearest mother I'm sorry it has been so long since my last letter. It is three months since I arrived at Schrute Farms and I fear I may never leave this place alive. Melvin Fifer Garris. Dwight: Hallowed ground. Narrator: But the Battle at Schrute Farms was no battle at all. It was a code used by pacifists from both North and South who turned the Pennsylvania farmhouse into an artistic community and a refuge from the wr. Amanda:[on film] You have to understand. Poets, artists, dancers – these kind of men preferred peace to wr. These delicate lovely men found a place of refuge among the Schrutes at Schrute Farms. Amidst the macho brutality of wr this was a place where dandies and dreamers could put on plays and sing tender ballads and dance in the moonlight. I like to think of Schrute Farms as the Underground Railroad for the sensitive... and well... fabulous. Oscar: Wow. This is so much better than the story you made up. Dwight: I've seen enough. Oscar: You're right. There should be a monument to this. Kevin: Never trust a cookie with a woman's name. Pecan Sandy. Lorna Doone. Madeline. They'll just break your heart. Robert: [laughing] Kevin! Ryan: Robert I hate to interrupt. But I would love to pitch you one last idea. I call it the Big Mac idea. Kevin: What?!? No! Robert: Big Mac idea. That sounds encouraging. Ryan: It's really, really good Robert. Let me explain. Kevin: No! This is not fair! This is my idea. He's trying to steal it because he's jealous of me. Robert: Well what is the idea? Kevin: Every time you buy a Big Mac you set one ingredient aside. Then at the end of the week you have a free Big Mac. And you love it even more because you made it with your own hands. Ryan: You know what? Now I remember. That was your idea. [patting Kevin on the back] That is 100 percent your idea. Robert: Oh my. It was just actually cookies the whole time? Andy: [making pencil imprint] Dammit. Darryl: Hey. Andy: You guys came. Where's everyone else? Darryl: Back at the bus. We were locked out. Phyllis is sitting on the ground eating a dirty sandwich. Andy: Yeah I asked the bus driver to lock it because our stuff was in there. I guess he follows orders. Jim: Yeah sorry everyone else didn't come. I think they're just tired. With holes in their shoes. And they have dysentery. Andy: Even without an audience you're still at it. Jim: What are you talking about? Andy: Our office has a disease. And it goes by many names. Sarcasm. Snark. Wisecracks. You take things people care about and you make them feel lame about it with your jokes. That's what you did with this trip. Jim: Andy – this whole idea of our situation being just like wr? It's just not true. We just work at a paper company. And you're our regional manager. And guess what man? You don't have to prove anything. We like you as regional manager. Andy if you don't believe me take a look at what's on my head. I'm wearing a very pink hat. I've been getting weird looks all day because I'm pretty sure "DM does GB" means something kinda sexual. But guess who's wearing them? All of us. Just for you man. That's huge. Andy: You don't like the hats? Jim: They're terrible. Darryl: I hate myself. Andy: They just didn't turn out how I wanted. In my head they were cooler, but they do look weird. Andy: [voiceover the three walking] The world will little note, nor long remember the fight Jim and I had here at Gettysburg and that's good because I was basically wrong. I wanted my team to be, like, this army and I was their general. But I guess it's really more like they're just people who work in an office and I'm their manager. Yeah that's really probably a better analogy now that I think about it. Gabe: Abe and Mary are seated watching the show. [in Lincoln voice] Oh Mary this is wonderful... Ok Mary stop your scolding. I'll be quiet. [aside to the audience] I need her like I need a hole in the head! [scattered chuckles from the crowd] [Gabe raises his hand with a finger pointed in the shape of a g*n to his head] BANG! Ooh [Gabe falls to the ground and the crowd claps, Gabe picks up the Lincoln hat, bows, runs to the crowd and trades it back for his pink "DM does GB" hat and runs off]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x08 - Gettysburg"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: [knocks water bottle on to Jim's desk] Oh, little help. Wow your hair is really thinning. Dwight: Standing is proven to be healthier, increases productivity and just looks cooler. Picture someone doing something heroic. Now was he sitting or standing? Not counting FDR. Dwight: Every second you sit there is an hour off your life. Look at all of you. I feel like you're in a su1c1de cult. Creed: No. No. No. You're way off on that one. Dwight: Oh yeah? Oscar: Are you really comfortable standing there? I tried one of those and I just never ht the sweet spot. Jim: Hey guys let's just all admit it. Ok? Dwight's better than us. He had the guts to stop sitting. And he's never, ever going to go back on it right? Dwight: That's right Jim. Darryl: Hey man. Dwight: [jumping up from an almost sitting position] Hey. Darryl: Taking a load off huh? Dwight: No. Putting a load on more like it. Darryl: Good luck with that. Dwight: Last thing I need is luck. [hunches down again] Dwight: [to Angela] Thank you so much. [hums] Jim: [sees a pole poking out Dwight's pant leg] What are you up to? Oops look out! [grabs Dwight's wallet] Dwight: What are you doing? Give that back. Come on! Jim: Prank! [throws money from Dwight's wallet on the floor] Dwight: Oh that's real creative. Jim: You know what it's not my best. Because you could just easily bend over and pick it up right? Dwight: I could, but I just don't feel like it loser. Jim: Because you're sitting? Dwight: Standing. Jim: Ok. Dwight: Don't! Jim: Because you're sitting? Dwight: Standing. Jim: You know I have to do this. Dwight: I know. [Jim pushes him over, Dwight screams] Andy: [signing his name] Andrew... Baines... Bernard. Jim: I think you could just do Andy Bernard. Andy: Andrew Baines Bernard. I love filling these out. Because it's like taking a test, but I know the answers. Robert: [loudly knocking on the window] In four seconds my wife is going to be coming through that door. I told her she could work here. Under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen. [to Mrs. California] There you are! Honey how on earth could you miss the elevator? Andy: What was that? Jim: I don't know. He wasn't talking to me. But if I were you I wouldn't hire his wife. Ryan: That's why my foundation – The Dream for a Wish Foundation – is going to put them out of business. They're not going to know what ht them. Robert: Everyone. I'd like to introduce my wife Mrs. Robert California. Mrs. California this is everyone. Susan: Hello. Oh call me Susan please. Robert: Last night at dinner Susan and I were talking about her returning to work. So she's here today to see if there's a good fit. Something tells me it just might work out. This is Andy Bernard the regional manager. Susan: Hello nice to meet you. Andy: Hey there. It's a pleasure. Robert: Andy would you be so kind as to show Susan around the office. Show her the various departments. Find a place where she'll shine. Andy: I would love to. But I have to be completely honest with you guys. We're 100 percent staffed up. Robert: Andy. Let's see if there's a good fit first. Then we'll talk. Andy: Alright. Dwight: Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. Darryl: You don't have to say it if you're doing it. Dwight: [laughs] Remember how you said that you were looking in the office to do calisthenics and aerobics? Darryl: Uh weight lifting yeah. Dwight: Well today's your lucky day. I have opened in this very office building Dwight Schrute's Gym for Muscles. You wanna take a look? Darryl: I'll take a look. Dwight: Your path from obesity begins right here! Darryl: I've been meaning to join a gym. [narrating over a montage of scenes with him and Val] For my health. I used to say I wanted to live long enough to see a black President. I didn't realize how easy that would be. So now I want to live long enough to see a really, really gay President. Or a supermodel President. I want to see all the different kinds of Presidents. Dwight: Obese people in my office are a drain on resources. Chairs wear out faster, it takes more Freon to keep them cool, they flush the toilets more often, plus their massive BMs bust the rivets on my pipes. But a gym turns fat into cash. Andy: Alright! The DM Express is pulling out. Susan: Well it was really nice to meet you Brian. Ryan: Actually Ryan. Susan: Oh, Ryan. Ryan: Bitttch! Andy: We will start here at Erinville. Susan: Hi. Erin: Hoo-hoo! Andy: Reception. Your classic one-man operation. Erin: Although I was watching a movie and Merryl Streep had two secretaries. Andy: I was watching a movie and a bunch of apes took over San Francisco. Just saying. Robert: Two secretaries could convey a sense of importance and success to our clients. Certainly worth exploring; wouldn't you agree Andy? Andy: I'll explore exploring it. Robert: Good. It seems like you have this under control. So I'll just duck out and run the company for a while. Andy: Ok uh next stop on the tour sales. Here we go. Station stop Jim Halpert. Oh boy our resident truth teller. [Jim laughs nervously] Alright have at it. Let ‘er rip. What do you hate about this place? Jim: Well it's sales. So you have to be able to live in the world of rejection. Dwight: Maybe you do. Hi. I'm Dwight. Sales is really not so hard ok? It's paper. We have it and they want it so bad they are willing to pay for it. Andy: Jim? Jim: Well it's not that easy. It's kind of sometimes difficult. Dwight: It's the second easiest job in the world. [to camera] Being a mom. Susan: I love shopping and sales is just the other side of that. Dwight: That is true. Andy: You know if you joined our sales department you would be working very closely with our department head Mr. Dwight Schrute. Dwight: That's me. Andy: Dwight why don't you tell Susan about some of your hobbies. Survival skills. Ranking of animals. Dwight: Maybe over a beer after she's closed her first sale [makes gn click noise]. Susan: Well make that a red wine and I'll tell you my animal rankings [makes gn click noise back]. Andy: Oh how am I supposed to pull this off? [montage of office workers in friendly interactions with Susan]. The entire office is being nice to her than they've ever been to me. What I wouldn't give for one of Phyllis' classic room clearing farts right now. Dwight: Ready? What do you think? Darryl: Um no. This is not a gym. This is like a scene out of Saw 5. Dwight: You haven't even looked around yet. Look. Gravel bucket squat yoke [squats, grunts and lifts] Right? Dedicated phone book ripping station [tries and fails to tear a phone book in half]. You ever cut tin before? Five yards in and your forearms will be on fre. Plus I will buy the tin back from you that you cut for two cents a yard. Now let's go over membership. I'm going to need the first month's and the last month's up front. $49 per month. But every third month is $59 a month. But the fourth month is a discount month at $19 per month... Darryl: Obviously you know how a gym works. So you know I'm not going to pay money for this. You want people to come to your gym? Make a real gym. Dwight: Darryl... [picks up sledgehammer and swings it at a hanging tire] Darryl: Make a real gym. Susan: I was thinking accounting might be a good fit because I really clicked with Oscar and I do have some experience in bookkeeping. Andy: But we already have a surplus of accountants as it is. Susan: Uh I could work in customer service. HR even. Andy: Those are fully staffed as well. Robert: Are you telling me that there's no one in this entire office that could use an extra pair of hands? Andy: [laughing nervously] Yes. Robert: I am the CEO and I am telling an employee of mine what to do. Andy: Let me bat around the bush for a second. Our chairman of the board has some very strong feelings about- Susan: Robert this is very uncomfortable. Obviously there's no place for me here. So thank you for trying. Why don't we just let it go. Robert: No. Absolutely not. Andrew there must be something you can do. Think. Andy: There are lots of considerations. Robert: I would be eternally grateful. It's not a bad thing to have the CEO owe you one. Andy: Alright. Well then welcome aboard. Susan: So what happens next? Andy: We get you over to HR and then we get you set up with accounting. [phone rings] Hang on. Hello? Robert: [on phone] Say hello grandma. Andy: Hi gam-gam. Robert: Hold one finger up to Susan. You'll just be a second. You numbskull. You were given a very simple task. I could not have been more clear with you. Now say, "are you taking your medicine?" Andy: Are you taking your med-meds? Robert: Why can you not say exactly what I tell you? Undo this. Undo it. [Robert and Andy hang up phones] Susan: You didn't say goodbye to your grandma. Andy: We promised we'd never say goodbye. Dwight: Attention! I am now accepting memberships for Dwight Schrute's Gym for Muscles. The first 20 members can take advantage of the pay what you weigh promotion. Oscar: All I need is another gym. As if I don't have enough drama. Phyllis: We have a gym at home. It's called the bedroom. Oscar: Who's spotting who? Don't use the bike in the corner. That's Bruce's. Jeremy says... Angela: Enough Oscar, enough. Dwight: Kelly? Kelly: I have these new sneakers which are basically like a gym for your feet. Dwight: That's okay. I know how to build a business. You gotta get the black people to do it to get the white people to do it. Then you gotta get the black people to stop doing it. One step at a time. Toby: Did you bring your passport with you? Susan: Who walks around with their passport? Toby: Well, I do. Always ready for adventure. Susan: Have you had any? Toby: No. Andy: [sees Susan is busy in the annex] Hey, uh, guys. So Robert doesn't want his wife working here. So now that she is, we have to drive her away. Oscar: Andy, if he didn't want her working here then why did you hire her? Andy/Oscar: it was a mistake. But one that can be fixed by all of us being mean to her. Kevin: How can we do that? She's simply wonderful. Angela: This is all pathetic. Andy: I am not asking, I am ordering. Oscar: How mean are we talking about? Andy: It would be great if she were gone by lunch. Erin, you're up. Find her a place to work, but not too comfortable. Erin: Got it. I know exactly which stapler to give her. Erin: Here you go. [gives Susan a tiny stapler] Susan: Um, do you think it would be possible to move to that desk over there? Because this seems a bit cramped and I don't have a computer. Erin: Well that's a sales desk. Kevin: Yeah. You need to be over here with us accountants. Just sit here and be quiet. And if you have a question, just raise your hand. But I'm gonna save you some time, sweetie, and give you the answer now. I. Don't. Know. Jim: No, I don't think we should be trying to make this place seem unpleasant. I think we should let this place just crush her spirit by itself. I mean, it knows what it's doing. Oscar: That's Gerald. [hands phone to Jim] Jim: Oh, wow. So cute. Susan: Oh, that is so cute- Phyllis: [grabs phone] Aw... He's so tiny. Is he in a ladle? Oscar: Yeah, he's in a ladle. Erin: That's adorable. How on earth did you get him in a ladle? Oscar: He did it himself. Phyllis: Is that ladle stainless or... Oscar: Oh, stainless. Williams Sonoma. Susan: Excuse me, waiter, there's a dog in my soup. [Jim chuckles] Oscar: It's not that kind of ladle. Jim: Very cute. [holds out the phone] Susan: Aw, let me see- Oscar: [grabs phone] Ah, just the battery on these things. I'm sorry, I've got to recharge this. Susan: I get it. Last time I had a job, I remember I hated the boss' wife. Of course, she was married to Robert. Susan: Your employees don't seem to be taking to me. Robert: Andy! Andy, could you step in here, please? We'll fix this. Andy: [in robot voice] What is going on? Robert: [chuckles] Please. Andrew, my wife... has brought up an issue that requires your attention. So, uh, if you'll excuse me, I should step out, get to the ATM before that homeless man sets up camp for the night. Andy: Okey-dokey, artichokey. You hate it, don't you? Susan: Do you not want me here? Andy: Why would you say that? Susan: It's okay. I understand. I'm not sure how I would feel about having the boss' wife work for me either. Andy: It's not that, exactly. Susan: But it is something. Andy: Let's just say that if you don't want to work here, I am totally prepared to respect that. Susan: Why would you not want me working here? Andy: I don't know. [chuckles] Susan: I think I understand what you're going through. My husband can be a very difficult man to read, can't he? Andy: Yes! The dude is an enigma. Susan: Mm-hmm. So he is mixed up in this, isn't he? Andy: Ah... [stammers] Susan: Got it. Dwight: What do you think you're doing? Darryl: Getting my sweat on. Dwight: I build you this temple to the human body, and you're lifting what, five pounds? Darryl: I just did, like, 35 minutes on the treadmill. Dwight: I was watching you. You want to know how long it really was? Darryl: No. Dwight: Eight minutes! Darryl: Dude, I'm gonna be here all week, right? Five days a week, I figure I'll start slow. Dwight: Is that the same philosophy you apply to buffalo wings? [points] I want you to bring that same buffalo wing passion to this gym! I'm gonna make you look like Lebron James! Darryl: It's Lejon Brames. Dwight: That's what I said. Darryl: You know, get it right. Dwight: I know. Andy: [to Susan] Cameras... Robert: [enters] Oh, still here. Terrific. Susan: Andy and I had a great conversation. And I just want to let you know that I am not going to be working here. Robert: Well that's a shame. Andy: It just was one of those things- Susan: Is it? Because we talked about it and it seems like that might be what you want. Which is fine. Robert: Where did this come from? Did Andy say that? Susan: No, he did not, but I could tell he was struggling to understand what was expected of him. Robert: What's the struggle? He made a great call, hired a great person. Susan: You sure about that? Robert: Absolutely. Susan: No games? Robert: No games. Susan: Because Andy seemed to think there was some information he was not able to share with me. Robert: Okay, enough of this. I mean, really, enough. It's gotten way out of hand. Andrew, this is my wife. Whatever privacy you were trying to protect between us, I thank you for. But it is not welcome right now. Just be honest. Susan: Andy? Andy: Yes? Susan: Why do you keep looking at my husband? Robert: Andy, just answer the question. Andy: No games? Robert: No games. Andy: Okay. I mean, it was kind of funny, actually. Robert storms in and he says, "in four seconds, my wife's gonna be in here. I told her she could work here. Under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen." [laughs] Robert: You lying son of a bitch! Robert: Tell my wife you're lying. Andy: I am lying. I am a compulsive liar. Susan: That's not true, is it? Andy: No, it's not. I tell the truth most of the time and I was just telling the truth about your husband. Jim knows. He was there. Robert: This is preposterous. Susan: Robert... Robert: Let's get Jim in here. [Jim shoves out of fram in his chair, Robert looks for Jim] Where's Jim? Erin: He just rolled out and crawled out. Robert: Can you call security, tell 'em to keep an eye out for him? Time to settle this. Jim: [to Hank who is closing the gate] Oh wait, wait, wait! Hold on, hold on. I just need to get through. Just real quick. Real quick, open... uh, okay. [runs] Robert: [sees Jim's abandoned car] That's weird. Well, he's gotta be around here somewhere. Jim: [shoe falls while climbing ladder] Oh. Ow. Ow. Ow. [grunts] Creed. I was never here, all right? Creed: Okay. What about your friend? Jim: Oh boy. Dwight: This is my gym, my rules. You do exactly as I say, no questions asked. Darryl: Yeah, I'm gonna ask questions and I might not do what you say. Dwight: First thing, we're gonna stretch the pelvic bowl. Ready? Get down on the floor. Darryl: Okay, I'm not doing that. Dwight: Really? Too embarrassing for you? Huh? You wish that every exercise was strutting around the gym like the Fonz? Well how do you think the Fonz got so cool? He stretched his pelvic bowl! Gabe: I didn't know Darryl joined. Darryl: Looks that way. Gabe: Nice pelvic bowl. Deep. Robert: Hello Jim. [Jim tries to escape] Andy: [grabs Jim's leg] No, no. No, no, no! Don't! Damn it, Tuna! Robert: So I think you know what we want to know. Jim: Do I? Robert: Yes. Jim: [mutters] I know, I do. Andy: Jim, I've had enough of your unhelpfulness. Jim: I really wish I could help. I'm not really sure how I can... Susan: For God's sake, did Robert tell you that he didn't want me working here? Jim: That's the thing. See, I didn't want to get in the middle of this. Still don't. But here's something: I feel that maybe, if we take a step back, this is a simple case of anxiety to work with a spouse. Andy: [laughs] I think we've got ourselves an answer. Robert: No. Andy: That makes complete sense. Thank you all for a wonderful day. Jim: Perfect! Susan: Jim... Jim: Yes? Susan: Answer the question, please. Jim: [sighs] I don't know what you want me to tell you. To be really honest, my wife works here. And I love it. She literally makes me work harder. She makes me smarter. She makes me remember why I'm here. And between us, she's on maternity leave right now, and I would love to leave this room and see her face. I would love it. I don't know how this helps, but it's just what I'm thinking. Robert: All right. Thanks. Jim: Yes. All right. Great. [leaves] Andy: Uh... Robert: Yeah. Andy: Yep. Susan: [Robert holds the door, she walks through] Thank you. [leaves] Robert: [claps Andy's shoulder] Heh. Susan: Andy. Andy: Hey, Mrs. California. Susan: Hey. Uh, I'm sorry about the position you were put in today. Andy: You know, honestly, we all wanted you to work there. Except for him. Especially me. Susan: Yeah, I thought we really h*t it off. Andy: Yeah. Susan: Well, different circumstances. Andy: Yeah. Susan: Who knows? Andy: Who knows? Susan: Maybe after all this settles down... Andy: Totally. Susan: It's a date. Andy: Hmm? Dwight: You're nothing! You're so weak, you call yourself a man? Huh? Darryl: This doesn't help me. I don't respond to that kind of strategy. Dwight: Okay, fine. Finish your set on your own and never come back to my gym again! Darryl: Dwight, come back and spot me. Dwight: All right, I'll help you. But first, you gotta tell me what your goal is. What do you want? Darryl: To push this bar up. Dwight: No! Because if that was the case, the bar would be up by now. What is your goal? Darryl: Help me! Dwight: What do you want!?! Darryl: To look good for Val! Dwight: Val Kilmer? I don't buy it. That doesn't make any sense. Wow... I figured out your goal. I am going to make you the buffest dude Val Kilmer has ever seen.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x09 - Mrs. California"}	foreverdreaming
Andy: [Singing as if he were the dolls in his office] Christmas tiiiime is heeeere! [Normal voice] Wow. Thanks guys, that sounded amazing. Hi, I'm Andy Bernard and I am the first office Santa ever to make holiday wishes come true. Andy: Who's excited to get their holiday wishes? Stanley: Holiday wishes. Andy: What's that, Stanley? Stanley: We know exactly what holiday you're referring to. Andy: It is important to be mindful of all belief systems at our holiday party. Stanley: I've been here eighteen years and have suffered through some weird thematic Christmases. A Honolulu Christmas, A Pulp Fiction Christmas, A Muslim Christmas, Moroccan Christmas. Mo-rocca Christmas. I don't want it. Christmas is Christmas is Christmas is Christmas. Jim: I got Stanley tickets to see Lewis Black for his birthday. ...Might not have been the best idea. Stanley: I don't want no Kwanza wreath, I don't need a dreidel in my face, that's it's own thing. And who's that black Santa for?! I don't care! I know Santa ain't black! I could care less. I want Christmas! Just give me plain baby Jesus, lying in a manger, Christmas! Meredith: What is the status on my wish? Andy: Fulfilled! Brought my bicycle, so I can be your designated driver later. In the event that you drink to much, which is by no means required. Dwight: What about my wish that we don't have to attend meetings that degrade our sense of adulthood? Andy: That, I cannot do, but I did get you an acre of property on the moon. Dwight: Where? Dark side or light side? Andy: Light side. Dwight: Is it by the Sea of Tranquility? Andy: As a matter of fact, yes. Directly adjacent....beachfront. Dwight: Thank you, Andy. Andy: So, who's wish is next? Oh, what about Santa's wish? My biggest wish is that you all get along well with Jessica....C'mon guys, Jessica?...Jim, tell 'em who Jessica is. Jim: She's not your grandmother, is she? Andy: Ugh! Gam-gam's name is Ruth, Jim, you should know. I introduced you on speakerphone that time? Jim: Yeah. Andy: Jessica is my super serious girlfriend, who is seriously awesome and seriously sexy. Only thing that's not serious, by the way? Our repartee. Creed: That's great. When you know you know. Hey, what's Ruth's deal, man? Andy: Totally out of your league. So in summation, ho ho ho, please be nice to Jessica and mistletoe is not an excuse for sexual asault, and don't go near Gam-gam. Erin: I love Jessica, and I haven't even met her yet. It's like we don't even need to meet, you know? I already love you. Stay home. Kelly: I just want you to know that I will be mean to Jessica if you want me to be. Erin: Oh no, no. It's fine, Kelly. Kelly: It's really no problem. I was already planning on being mean to her. Erin: That's OK, I don't want you to do that. Robert: [laughing] Hello, ah. Merry Christmas, Erin. Kelly, Happy Pancha Ganapati. Kelly: Eww, what is that? Robert: The five day Hindu celebration in December honoring the god Ganesh, Patron of the Arts. Kelly: Cool. Kevin: Hey, man. Robert: Hey! [Kevin embraces Robert in a tight hug] Oh! Kevin: How ya holdin' up...because of your wife leaving you? Oscar: Kevin? Robert: I actually appreciate the human intimacy. Feel like a kitten being cradled by a gorilla. Kevin: Yeah. Robert: It's been ten days since I had sexual intercourse. Andy: Well you came to the right place....Ah, this, this party'll cheer you right up. Robert: I hope so. The corporate party was wretched. I am so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. It's rock-n-roll for people who don't like rock-n-roll. It's rap for people who don't like rap. It's pop for people who don't like pop.....ah, heartbreaking. [gestures to Andy in Santa costume] Andy: Oh, thank you. Andy: Well, I hate to have to take my Santa hat off, and put on my hard ass hat. [puts on baseball cap that has a foam rear-end on it with the words "HARD ASS"] But, this is serious. It's come to my attention that somebody who shall remain nameless, wants to switch desk clumps. Dwight: Fine with me. Jim can leave anytime he wants. Goodbye. Jim: It wasn't me. Andy: It wasn't either of you. Jim: Kathy wants to leave our clump? Andy: Sh sh sh sh! Don't look. Who it was is not important...but she did say that your constant pranking and one-upsmanship is driving her crazy. She or he. Dwight: I just wanna say, this is not my fault. OK? The weak always bully the strong. Contrary to what you see in the media. I am always acting in self-defense. Occasionally preemptive self-defense. [punches Jim in the arm] Jim: Ow, What are you doing? [Jim fights back] Andy: Hey! Hey! Respect the hat! Jim: Pam never seemed to have a problem with us. Andy: Alright. I'm gonna speak in a language you both understand....Mo-nay. Jim: What was that? Dwight: What is it? Andy: Money....You both have sizable Christmas bonuses coming your way. If I catch either of you messing with the other, I will give both bonuses to the other person. Jim: Can't do that. Dwight: No, absolutely not. Andy: You need consequences. OK? I want you both walking on eggshells. Jessica: Hi. I'm Jessica. I'm looking for Andy? Erin: Jessica. Yes. We don't say hi, we hug. [gets up and hugs Jessica] I'm Erin. Jessica: Oh! [laughs] Oof! Erin: Sorry, hi, I hope you feel really welcome, we all want you here. Jessica: Oh. Andy: My ex is meeting my sex....which is always scary, you know? And not just because you think they might talk about your penis...that's just part of it. Andy: Hey! Jess, Erin, I hope you're not talking about my penis. [laughs and kisses Jessica on the cheek] Hi. Jessica: Hi. Andy: Hey everyone! I want you to meet Jessica, she is an assistant cross country coach at Bryn Mawr. Erin: Wow. Andy: Erin, by the way, amazing receptionist. Jessica: Oh, that's great. Backbone of the office. Erin: Which is funny, actually, because my spine is a mess. Andy: What? Jessica: Oh. Erin: Scoliosis. Had to wear a back brace for three years but I never did. [Jessica laughs, Erin exaggerates back curve] Andy: Oh no. Jessica: Ah..[laughs] Andy: Ut oh, it's kicking in. Spontaneous scoliosis. Jessica: Spontaneous scoliosis. [both laugh] Erin: Oh. Darryl: This thing could take your arm off, your head off, you know, just exercise caution. Val: Thank you. Darryl: Alright. Val: Alright. Darryl: Oh yeah, and um there's a Christmas party upstairs tonight, wanted to tell you about. Val: Isn't that just for popsicles? Darryl: Popsicles? Val: Yeah, upstairs people? Cause you got a stick up your butt? Nate: Ah! See, I, I, I thought it was because they're so rich they could all eat popsicles all the time. [laughs] I, in my, I... Darryl: Well you should definitely come. The foreman always comes. Plus it's fun, you know cookies, smoked fish, alcohol, people acting stupid. Nate: You had me at "clookies." I can't wait to find out what they are. Val: What should I wear? Darryl: Oh, it's nice, it's real nice. People get dressed up. Nate: I will look so handsome for you, Darryl. Jim: Ah...[sees Dwight's wallet and open email] I'm gonna s- [see's Dwight watching from break room] Jim: Dwight really wants my bonus. He's trying to entrap me. Oh god, now I can't drink at this thing....I get really pranky when I drink. Robert: Erin, what can I get for you? Erin: Uh, do you have cola? Kirkland if you have it. Robert: Now why would you come to a bar and ask for a cola when you can get some from the kitchen? Did some small part of you want something a little stronger? Ryan, Kevin, Phyllis, Oscar, come and take these shts! Ryan: Yes! Oscar: Yes! Ryan: Will do. Robert: The fifth one is for you, Erin. You could take it or leave it. To take it would be to accept that you're at a party and you're an adult woman, with an adventurous spirit. To leave it would be fine too. Phyllis: One, two three! [group takes shts] Kevin: Yes. Erin: OK. [takes sht, group laughs] Robert: Mmm. Wow. Erin: Whoo! Jiminy Christmas! Robert: Jiminey Christmas indeed. Erin: ht 'er up. Robert: Oh. Kevin: Oh yes. Ryan: Whoo! Erin: Yeah! [laughs] Oscar: Wow. Jim: [on phone] Uh, yeah. I just got my replacement credit card...you want the number? Oh it's uh four seven nine three, zero zero three two, three three one three. The security code is nine two seven. OK great. Thank you very much. Bye. Jim: So Dwight did take the bait. He used my credit card numbers to send a two hundred dollar bouquet of flowers, to my wife...from me. Dwight: [laughing] Boom! Ryan: But look, it's Christmas, so you're allowed...[Val walks in dressed very formally] whoa, hello. Um, you're allowed to do... Kevin: Good cookie. Darryl: I meant dressed up compared to normal. You usually dress like a ghost-buster. Val: OK. Darryl: I thought you'd wear a sweater. Val: Since when does a sweater mean "dressed up"? Am I your grandson? Darryl: Come on, stay, alright? It's good for people to get to know you. Val: As a contestant on Dancing with the Stars, maybe. Erin: [imitating Stanley] I want.. my sugar free cookie, and then I want a sugar cookie. [group laughs] and then I want my nap! Stanley: That's right. [laughs] Erin: Whoo! [group laughs] Thank you. Robert: She, she is remarkable. Andy: Edgy impressions. Erin: Thank you. Andy: How many drinks have you had tonight? I can't be driving everybody home. Erin: A thousand. Andy: Whoa! Maybe you should take a break. Erin: [serious] Maybe you should mind your own business. [normal voice] Just kidding! Dwight: Ah! I've been attcked! Oh my god! Oh! Someone put a porcupine in my drawer! Toby: Oh my god. Dwight: Yeah, I was just sitting here at my desk and I, I reached into my drawer to grab my toothbrush and some tooth powder and, and all of a sudden I was attcked by this blood thirsty rabid creature! Jim: I wonder, in this office, who has access to a porcupine? Dwight: Or who in this office knows that I have access and is trying to set me up? Jim: Hmm... Toby: You know this sounds a lot like the premise of my latest Chad Flendermen novel. A mrder for framing. Toby: Chad Flendermen. Just an easy going black guy, he knows the streets, yet he also went to Oxford. So. Just as comfortable on a motorcycle as he is on Air Force One. Oh and he's also the world's leading Egyptologist. Angela: Toby! Nobody cares about your sex-crazed black detective. Toby: No, no, no, no, no. Women chase him. He misses his wife. Dwight: Hello? Lacerated hand here folks. Jim: Nice try, this is ridiculous. Dwight: Oh is it really? Two separate times you have set me up to believe I was being recruited by the CIA. Jim: Three times. Dwight: You see? Andy: Jim, this has your fingerprints all over it. Jim: Andy, you've gotta be kidding me. Toby: Fingerprints can be planted. You know with a severed hand... Kelly: Do you think that's what happened? Do you think he used a severed hand? Jim: OK, you know what? Why don't we just call animal control... Dwight: Might wanna run that by Angela cause it's so cute. Angela: No. Porcupines don't have souls. They're like dogs. Jim: [on phone] Yes, I'm calling from Dunder Mifflin. We have a very rabid porcupine in our office, someone should come pick it up. Dwight: Come down right away! Jim: [on phone]Uh, I don't know, let me ask. [to Dwight] Uh, were you quilled? Dwight: Yes, I was quilled. Jim: And what's it's name? Dwight: Henrietta. Jim: Oops. [hangs up] Andy: What? ...Alright, get her out of here, Dwight. [Dynamite by Taio Cruz plays in the background] Erin: Hey, guys. I just wanted to say. Come here! I'm so happy you guys are together. OK? [Andy and Jessica laugh] And you both have such beautiful hair. Jessica: [laughs] Thank you. Erin: I hope you guys get married....and who knows? Maybe at the wedding, I meet someone. Andy: OK! Erin: And later on tonight, I hope I see you guys kiss. [blows kisses and pushes Andy and Jessica's faces together.] Ah! [laughs] OK, well I'm gonna go do another reverse spit. That's how the cool kids say "get a drink". [blows kisses and dances away] Jessica: That's uh, that's the girl you dated. Andy: Um, yeah, she's not always like that. It's um... Jessica: No, she, she seems fine. Andy: Yeah, uh, excuse me. Jessica: OK. Andy: Yep. [leaves Jessica to talk to Erin] Hey! Erin: Hey. Andy: Have you had anything to eat besides candy canes? Erin: Every martini has an olive. Andy: OK...maybe I should make you some oatmeal or something. Kevin: I don't wanna put you out, but if someone's making oatmeal, I'll take a apple cinnamon and a maple brown sugar in one bowl with whole milk. Erin: Hey, I never told you my Christmas wish. Andy: Ah, OK. Erin: It's about you. Andy: That's not what it should be, it should just be like a trinket or something. Erin: [slurring slightly] It's that I wish Jessica was dad. Andy: You you, wait. You mean you wish she wasn't here or something. Erin: I wish she was in a graveyard! Under the ground...with worms coming out of her mouth. Andy: Hey, you know, you can't say that, OK? That's my girlfriend that you're talking about. You and I are not together anymore. You need to get over it! Take your wish back. Erin: Too late! It's already been wished! And you promised it would come true. You wrote it in an email! So, which one are you? A mrder or a liar? [Andy leaves] Kevin: Hey. Erin: Hey. Kevin: So, there was talk of oatmeal. Phyllis: You know, don't listen to what anyone is saying. You look like a, a princess. Val: Yeah. Thanks. Andy: I swear... Jessica: Did you not... Andy: I was too embarrassed! [group laughs] Jim: Hey guys, sorry to interrupt, I uh, just found this on my desk. [shows picture of Cici with devil doodles] Need to talk to somebody about it. Can you believe that? Phyllis: Is that Cici? Jim: Yes. It is. Andy: Um. Phyllis: That's awful. Andy: Cici is Jim's daughter. Jessica: Oh my god. How could somebody do that? Jim: I know, I mean the way I see it is you can deface any picture of me, any one, pick one. Not my kid though. Oscar: Who did this? Who did this? Do you know who did this? Jim: I don't- Andy: I know who did this....Dwight. Phyllis: Dwight? Jim: Yeah. Andy: Dwight. Oscar: No! Phyllis: He should pay. Andy: Yeah. He is gonna pay. This is fre-able. Jim: O...K. Andy: It's, I mean. Jim: Let me just see that one more time. Yep, you know what? I know who my friends are, now. But I shouldn't have got you involved because the truth is, I don't even really care about this picture, it's a little out of focus. It was probably an accident, right? Like... Oscar: That's no accident. Jim: Right. You're right. So maybe it was me who did it...by accident. Phyllis: What? Oscar: What? Jim: I'll figure it out, get to the bottom of it....Merry merry. [Christmas Time is Here by Vince Guaraldi Trio is playing in the background] Dwight: Enough of this garbage. [harshly places boom box on table and hits play] This is Christmas. [Christmas Eve by Trans-Siberian Orchestra plays. Dwight plays air violin/guitar and sings along] Hi-yah!!!!! [gabe, Creed and Nate join in as shts show various gift giving] Yeah!!!! Christmas!!!! Jim: You alright, Santa? Andy: You know those movies where two friends are sleeping together and it's like, hey, can they stay friends? Jim: Yes. Andy: Do you think two friends who are not sleeping together can stay friends? Jim: Two friends who are not sleeping together, can they remain friends? Yes, yeah. Andy: No...I don't, hmm, I don't know. Jim: OK. Andy: By the way, I'm not gonna mess with you and Dwight's bonuses. I think it's causing more problems. So just be yourselves, have fun, and try not to let it affect your work. Jim: Alright. I will definitely do that. Andy: Alright, I'll tell Dwight. Jim: You know what? You're sitting, and thinking, and it's probably better if it comes from me anyway. Andy: Christmas miracles do happen. Jim: Yes. They totally do. Ryan: You can't click on these Kardashian links, that's why you have so many viruses. Kelly: Well help me, OK? Just, uh take... Ryan: I'm trying but you need to- Erin: Hey. Kelly: Yo. Erin: Game on. Kelly: On it. Jessica: [group laughing] I don't know what I was thinking, it was awful... Kelly: Jessica, did you just fart? [group stops laughing] Kelly: And that, is how it's done. Erin: I would like another alcohol. Robert: Let's you and I take a walk. Oscar, you're in charge of the bar. Oscar: What? I haven't bar tended in forever. Oh, never considered myself a mixologist, oh this is daunting. Um, I need a mortar, pestle, muddler..does anyone have any chocolate shavings? Robert: Your heart is broken. So is mine. Erin: And... Robert: And what? Erin: And you have any advice or anything? Robert: No [laughs] my god. Erin: ...Help me feel better... Robert: I've been married thrice and each has ended in an acrimonious divorce, I'm not sure I'm the best person to give love advice....I was hoping you were gonna make me feel better. Nate: When you do your makeup, Jessica: Uh huh. Nate: How long you, does it take usually? Cause... Jessica: Um, it ta-, um it depends. Toby: .....Chad Flendermen's kryptonite. [Darryl walks up to Toby and Val in a tuxedo] Creed: Whoa. We got a real Clarence Thomas here. Darryl: Hi. Jessica: I'll see you at home? Andy: OK great. Jessica: OK Andy: Perfect. Jessica: Bye [kiss]...I still don't get why you can't just call her a cab and pay for it. Andy: I would, it just, that wasn't the holiday wish. Jessica: Oh Meredith: Either he drives or I drive. Now I'm drunk and mad. Jessica: OK [laughs] Bye. Andy: OK, bye. [helps Meredith off the floor] Alright Meredith, Meredith: Thank you Santa. Andy: You bet. Andy: Thank god Erin's getting a ride home with Robert because she is trashed. [laughs] and who better to drive her home than Robert, I mean, what a stand up guy, you know? I mean he's going through a lot, separating from his wife, showing up to the Christmas party in a track suit and a blazer, Andy: Let's go, let's go. Meredith: I know, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. Andy: Hang on. Meredith: Alright. [Andy opens back of her van, things fall out] Andy: What? Meredith: Whoa! My stuff! Andy: What is all that? Meredith: It's my valuables! Andy: It's junk! Meredith: This is my treasures, no they're my treasures! Andy: You're a hoarder. My god! Meredith: No I'm not, I'm gonna sell it on Ebay! No no no, you be careful. Be careful. Andy: Ah! My Santa suit's stuck. Dwight: [laughs while spray painting "Jim is Awesome" on his own car, talks to porcupine in carrier] What are we gonna do with all that bonus money, Henrietta? Huh? Meredith: Where are we? This ain't my street. Andy: Sh, sh, sh, sh, shh. Meredith: Ah, this is the posh part of town, huh? Andy: Oh my god. Meredith: Wonder what a studio condo would cost in this neighborhood? Andy: Meredith, shut your drunk hole right now. Robert: Erin, it was great fun tonight. Take a few aspirin and a whole lot of water, sleep in in the morning. Erin: Thank you, goodnight. Meredith: What are you smiling for? You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? Andy: I'm sure I am not. Let's get you home. Meredith: Ow! Take it easy. Andy: Whoo. Dwight: [yawns, "Idiot" is written on his forehead] Ah, man. Ah, fell asleep, took a nap. Hey guys, ah I feel refreshed now. How's it goin? Oscar: Dwight. Dwight: Took a little nap right next to Jim's desk. I feel so good right now. Mmm, cookies. What's everyone staring at? Jim: Oh man, I was supposed to tell Dwight something......C'mon, Jim. [shakes head] I got nothin'.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x10 - Christmas Wishes"}	foreverdreaming
[No one is talking in the office, Jim holds up sign that reads "We're on the longest silent streak in office history! Nobody has said anything in... 14 min!", Dwight hangs up on a phone call rather than speak, Andy sees a raccoon eating a hamburger and tries to describe it using charades, Kevin opens a candy bar and takes a bite] Kevin: Oh yeah! All: Aw! Dwight: Knew it! I knew it! Soon as I heard that wrapper. Oscar: You really have to say "oh yeah" every time you eat a candy bar? Kevin: I can't help it, Oscar. It's just really good. [takes another bite] Oh yeah! Jim: All right, not bad at all. I think we can bat 20 minutes though so let's try again. Get it all out now if you have to. Andy: It was a raccoon! Eating a hamburger like a person! Dwight: You need to stop banging your pen on your desk or it's going to drive me insane. Jim: Okay, done. Erin: [shows bloody hand] Does anyone have a first aid kit? Darryl: Check out this song I wrote: I'ma love you downstairs tonight... [overlapping chatter] Jim: All right, here we go! Everybody get read in three, two, good luck, one- Andy: [writing on board] Love letters, yes! I love it. What else can be done with paper? Jim: You can write a book about chairs. Andy: Books! Excellent, Jim. Oscar: Andy, please! Please, just stop. You can do infinite things with paper- Andy: [gasps] Shh! Did you hear that? Infinity! There is an infinity of things that you can do with paper! Now, who wants to buy some paper? [scattered applause] Jim: Very nice. Very nice sales pitch for our clients that don't know what paper is. Andy: I'm talking about you guys! Who in this room, right now, wants to buy some paper? Let's get high on our own supply! Angela: Andy, you want us to buy our own paper? Andy: Yes! Andy: Robert said that we needed to double our sales growth to eight percent by the end of the quarter. That's today. And we're eight hundred and thirty dollars short. And I can't afford to keep buying paper from us. So today, we need to sell eight hundred and thirty dollars of paper and the next quarter I need to sell the twenty-two hundred dollars of paper that's in my garage. Dwight: Animals, machines, vast virtual armies. All of these things I have successfully managed. The only thing I haven't managed is people. I saw an ad on the Sabre website for an open manager position in their printers division. I spoke to Robert California about it and he said for me to come by and see him sometime. So, like a Spanish conquistador, I have come to Florida to claim what is rightfully mine. Dwight: Dwight Schrute for Robert California! Receptionist: Oh, hello Mr. Schrute. I'll tell him you're here. Can I get you anything at all? Dwight: I'm not here to be given anything. I'm here to take what is mine. Receptionist: Ooh. I'm glad you're on our team. Here, please have a seat. Gabe: Dwight? What are you doing here? Dwight: Gabe? You don't know? Gabe: Course I know. Dwight: Hmm. Impressive office you have here. Surrounded by shrubbery, like a squirrel's office. Gabe: Corporate says to me, "Gabe, we need you in Scranton." Scranton says, "Gabe, go back down to Florida. You're needed there." So, Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'm up there. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I'm down here. I can think of no better way to confront my deathly fear of flying. Robert: Dwight. Dwight: Robert. Robert: You made it. Dwight: Yes. Robert: Impressive initiative. I don't know what's worse, the trip or the destination. [Gabe laughs] Well, uh, let me settle in and I'll be with you shortly. Dwight: Very good. Andy: Hey C-span. So my dad says an accountant can really help you out, if they're willing to "play ball." Those were his words. Oscar: Gosh, Andy, you had a great quarter. Okay? Robert will understand. Eight hundred dollars is a rounding error! Andy: So make that error! Oscar: Andy, no- Kevin: Hey! I can make that error. Oscar: [clicks tongue] Aw... Andy: Well, it's just, I know that making errors sounds like your kind of thing, but it's a little more complicated than that. Kevin: No, I- Andy: It's just, I really need a real accountant on this. [to Oscar] What do you say? Oscar: I'm leaving early today because tonight I have a trivia contest in Philadelphia. Andy: Oh. Oscar: Any other crunch time, I would love to stay in, cook the books for you so you can save face in front of your CEO, but tonight is Triviocalypse! Andy: What? Oscar: It's only the biggest night of trivia of the year. There's a thousand dollar prize. I'm committed to my friends, they're committed to me. Andy: You know what? Go. Have fun. Andy: There's a trivia contest at a bar in Philadelphia. Jim: Stop right there. I love it. Darryl: I'm in. Andy: I didn't even say what it is. Darryl: It's trivia. Jim: In Philadelphia. Andy: But here's the best part. The prize is a thousand dollars, and if we win, we can use that money to buy paper here, close the gap on our eight percent profit increase... Jim: That's a great idea. Darryl: That's a great plan. Andy: Yeah? You like it? Jim: Yeah. Andy: All right. Jim: All right, good stuff. Andy: I'm so psyched you guys are into it because I thought- I was like, "this sounds really stupid." Darryl: You just made a good idea, a great idea. Andy: There is one problem with this plan. Darryl: What? Andy: We'd have to leave work, like, right now, to do this. Gabe: [on the phone] You can reduce your prices by ten percent or we're going to be finding a new source for our morning bagels. All right. [hangs up] Dwight: Gabe, I always wondered what it is you did around here. Now I found out. You're the bagel guy. Gabe: Yeah. But not just bagels. All unwanted problems. Question: What's the most important appliance in your house? Dwight: Meat grinder. Gabe: [makes buzzer sound] Too slow. It's the toilet. And I am the toilet of this office. I flush away annoying problems so others can keep their hands clean. And, just like a toilet, I am essential. Dwight: You know, Gabe? You could have gone with garbage disposal, incinerator or eraser, and instead you chose toilet. God bless you. You're an American classic. Robert: Dwight. Today is not my day at all, I'm afraid. I'm not going to be able to meet with you, but I'm leaving you in the very capable hands of our COO. Dwight: But I can give you this pitch in one minute- Robert: No, he's going to meet with you later. No, no, no. I don't want you to rush it, okay? Trust me. Meet with Bill. He's a great person to know. I'll dialogue with him tonight. [leaves] Gabe: CEO to COO. What a difference a letter makes. Dwight: Still an important position. Still a chief. Gabe: You're really going to like Bill. He, uh, he has me toilet a lot of people for him. [Dwight sighs, Gabe's phone rings] Hallway phone, Gabe Lewis speaking. Robert: Gabe, listen to me. Don't bother Bill with this. He has to go put out a fre on the home front. Just wait twenty minutes and then I want you to listen to Dwight's pitch. Make him feel valued. Make him feel heard. Gabe: Your wish is my command. Robert: It's a command. Oscar: I don't believe this. What are you doing here, Andy? Andy: You left us no choice, but, this should put a smile on your face. How would you like to be captain of the Dunder-Mifflin team? Although I reserve the right to overrule you. Oscar: What? No! Andy: I've got a quota to ht. I don't care how I ht it. Oscar: And you guys thought this was a good idea? Jim: I thought it was a fun idea. Darryl: There were times on the two and a half hour drive when I experienced doubt. That's the thing about long drives, you know, you're always going to- this is a gay bar. Andy: Wait, what? Everyone in here is gay? Oscar: Yes! It's a gay bar! So you guys want to go home now? All: No. Nah. Oscar: What does this say about you? That you followed me here? That you think you're going to win your sales quota? At a gay bar's trivia night? [laughs] Andy: It says that I believe that my staff's intelligence and that I'm willing to try anything. [Oscar's friend walks up] Not anything. Oscar: Good luck. Andy: Uh, all right. We need to divide up into teams, but it's winner-take-all so no need to divide evenly. We need an A-team, a backup team and a just-have-fun team. So you guys all know yourselves. Meredith: Good-timers follow me. Phyllis: Backups. [Jim goes to join the backups] Stanley: Go on, kid. You know you don't belong here. Andy: A-team. Jim: Okay. Andy: All right, everybody. Nice self-awareness. Except... [looks at Kevin, who has joined the A-team] Kevin: Okay. [leaves] Jim: There's a table over here. Host: All right, first question everyone: Ray Charles famously had this state on his mind. What is its capital? Andy: Oh, we got this! Creed: Let's reverse engineer this. You're a black singer. Where do you go? Somewhere where you're a novelty. Alaska? Stanley: Atlanta. Phyllis: Oh I know you think that, because that's where the Olympics were held. Cathy: My cousins were actually at those Olympics. Stanley: Keep talking all you want. Kevin: How am I supposed to know what was on his mind? Ooh, what do blind people think about? Erin: Okay, dogs, canes, signs, manholes, stairs, piano, darkness. Host: Okay, time's up. Let's get the boards up. "Atlanta, Georgia" is the correct answer. [Kevin holds up "What is...SEE-attle"] Gabe: Hey man, uh, look. Unfortunately, Bill had to go fight a fre, so your appointment got- Dwight: [sniffs] There's no fires within eight miles of here. Gabe: Well, it's nine miles away. I'm going to be meeting with you on his behalf. Dwight: What? No, no. Excuse me! Lady! Get anyone from the COO's office on the phone this instant! Receptionist: This must be very frustrating. Gabe: I can see you in the jungle now. Host: Okay, now, you're not an all-star of the NBA, but you did get your game on when you won the NBA's Sixth Man of the Year award in 2011. Who are you? Andy: Jim, Darryl. Your time to shine. Jim: Shawn Marion. Darryl: Yes, Shawn Marion. Ryan: That doesn't sound right. I want to say, LaDameon Washington. Jim: Wrong, for so many reasons. Phyllis: Well, I know Elizabeth Taylor's sixth man was Richard Burton. Is that helpful? Stanley: That's it. I'm going to go watch the boats on the river. Kevin: Ron Artest, Kelly. Kelly: No, it's Lamar Odom. If it'd been Ron Artest, it would have come up in Dancing with the Stars, when they pan over his trophy case when he's at home with his family. Lamar winning Sixth Man was a big storyline on Chloe and Lamar. Host: All right, boards up. Let's see who got it. "Lamar Odom" is what we were looking for. "Lamar Odom" Thank you. [scattered cheers] Jim: Oh my God. Lamar Odom, yes. Kevin: Nicely done! Andy: You're my sports guys! You're ESPN, you're ESPN Classic, Ryan is MSNBC. I'm E!, TLC and Oxygen. Darryl: Chill, man. This plan is airtight. Dwight: So it's a very simple argument of why I should be put in charge of southeast printer sales. Nobody has sold more printers in the northeast than me. Bottom line, I know the product. I get it! Receptionist: Well, you got my vote. Dwight: Oh my God. Gabe: I know. Dwight: Most of all, I believe that character is destiny. And my character is one that- wait why are you smiling? Gabe: What? Dwight: What's with the smile? Gabe: You're doing great. You know, so good. Dwight: And my character is one that will never give up until greatness is on the horizon, behind us. Gabe: Dwight, that was a fantastic presentation. Put your hand on my hand. Flush! [Gabe makes a flushing motion, Dwight twists Gabe's arm] Ow! Dwight: Take me to Robert. Gabe: Ow! He went home. Dwight: Take me to his house. Gabe: Uh, it's a condo and it's long-term business housing. Dwight: You know where it is. Lead me there. Gabe: Ow! Ow! Stephanie, help! Dwight: Listen, you're a perfectly fine toilet. I'm just an extraordinary piece of crap. Let's go. Host: Excuse me, sir, on the Dunder-Mifflin A-team? Excuse me, sir? Ryan: Yeah? Host: I'm sure you're just checking your Grindr account... [laughter] but you can't check smart phones during trivia, it's against the rules. Ryan: Okay, I'm turning it off. Host: Okay, you're not turning it off. Ryan: I won't look at it. Host: Sir? Ryan: I can't- I can't not touch it. Host: Okay, then we're going to have to take it away. [employee takes the phone] Thank you. Ryan: Look, I can't, I can't not have my phone. I'm sorry. I want to be with my phone. [leaves] Host: All right, guys. After nine rounds, let's check the scores. In first place, with nine points, it's Aesop's Foibles. [Oscar's team touches fingers] The Queerenstein Bears have seven points. [a team of hairy men growl] Dunder-Mifflin A-Team has four points. Jim: [claps] All right. Host: D.M. Backup Team has three points. The Einsteins have eight points. [the "just-for-fun" Dunder-Mifflin team cheers] Ladies Gaga have five points. [more cheering] Andy: So the best chance of hitting our mark is now in the hands, and brains, of Kevin, Meredith, Erin and Kelly. Do I like these odds? My answer is no. Dwight: Which one is it? Gabe: I don't know. All I know is the building. Dwight: Robert! Robert California! Robert! Robert: Dwight! How nice of Gabe to show you where I live. Come around. 102. Host: All right guys, time's up. Who was the relatively unknown patent clerk who discovered that energy equals mass times the speed of light squared? Looks like everyone gets a point for Albert Einstein. Oh wait. Except for the Einsteins. That's all right. Which means the top three teams are going to finish it off in the speed round. So let's get everyone some bells. In third place we have the Einsteins. Kevin: Oh yeah! Kelly: What! [cheers] Host: In second place, we have the Queerenstein Bears. Queerenstein Bears: Whoo! Let's go! Host: And, in first place, is Aesop's Foibles. Oscar's friend: Whoo! Darryl: Yeah, we're going to get clobbered. Host: Ring it in when you know it. First question: This man had a fatwa declared on him when- [Erin rings bell] Einsteins? Meredith: What? Erin: What is it? Meredith: What? Erin: I did my part, babe. I'm just the bell girl. [Oscar rings bell] Host: Aesop's? Oscar: Salman Rushdie. Host: Salman Rushdie is correct. [applause] Heading out to sea, sailors. On a square-rigged ship, the sale set furthest forward is called what? [Erin rings bell] Meredith: Princess Ding-Dong, do not ht that bell unless- Erin: Flying jib. Host: Flying jib is correct for the Einsteins. [cheers and applause] Robert: Shalom. [sighs] Give us just a minute. Stu and I are just finishing up our lesson. Trust me. One nine-minute bout is a cardiovascular equivalent of running uphill for three hours. [grunt] I could go to the gym three times a week or I can wrestle Stu once a month. [slaps the mat, they wrestle] Stu: Grab my knee! Gabe: Yay Robert! Robert: Guys, please help yourself to some drinks from the fridge. Host: According to a recent survey, this is the most common learning disability among American adolescents. Oscar's friend: [rings bell] Boom! ADHD! Host: No. [another bell rings] Meredith: Wrong. The answer is dyslexia! Host: That's correct for the Einsteins. [cheers and applause] Andy: [dances] Whoo! Yeah! Host: Sir- Andy: Go Einsteins! Host: Dial it back, this isn't Tail Feathers, okay? [laughter] Robert: They haven't really improved on the Oreo, have they? Dwight: No thank you. Robert: Sit down, Dwight. Dwight: Let me tell you why I should be the next manager with a riddle: A manager, a salesman, a leader and a warrior walk into a restaurant. The hostess says, "table for one?" How is this possible? Robert: You were dining alone? All those people are you? Dwight: Yes, exactly. Riddle number two: Who is going- Robert: Ah-ah-ah- your drive, your ambition. It would be wasted on a manager's job. And Florida, you don't want to live here. Even I don't want to live here. That's why I'm always at my place in Scranton. Florida is America's basement: It's wet, it's filled with mold, strange insects, alligators. Alligators are dinosaurs, Dwight. You know that, right? Dwight: N... it's complicated. Robert: [holds a medal to the light] This medal was my grandfather's. He received it for acts of courage. For excellence. It's a tribute one man gives another. I could give you a job, Dwight. Why not let me give you something even better? [holds out medal] Dwight: It's a job interview, not a flea market. Robert: Dwight, the job is not right for you. Now, when something comes along that is right for you, I'll try you out. Now get the hell out of my place. Dwight: Yes. Host: Final round. Last two teams squaring off. I hope you're ready to play doctor. Our question is about health and the human body. Andy: Oh, come on! Host: The standard American analog scale has a maximum capacity of what weight? [bell rings] Kevin: Three hundred pounds! Host: Point for the Einsteins. [applause] Here's your final question. Cinephiles, put on your memory berets: This 2001 masterpiece from Gilles Paquet-Brenner explores the intricate dynamics of a family in disarray. Oscar: [rings bell, answers in French] Le titre du film est Le Scaphandre et le Papillon. Oscar's friend: Yes! Host: I'm sorry, no. Over to the Einsteins. Kevin: [rings bell] Les Jolies Choses. Meredith: Are you sure? Kevin: Marie Cotillard exposes herself a number of times in that film. Host: The Einsteins win it! [applause] Oscar: No! Come on! Kevin: Look, I know it's easy to say tonight was just a fluke, and maybe it was, but here's a piece of trivia: a fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea. So if you go fishing for a fluke, chances are, you just might catch one. Stonewall Host: Welcome to the Stonewall Alliance Trivia Championships! First prize is forty-five hundred dollars! Kevin: Let's just do our thing, collect our hardware and get the hell home. Stonewall Host: Riboflavin. Kevin: [holds up "Robitussin"] Riboflavin? Stonewall Host: Michigan. [Kevin holds up "A Mitten"] The President of the United States is "P.O.T.U.S." [Kevin holds up "P.O.T.A.T.O."] John Steinbeck wrote The Grapes of Wrath. [Kevin holds up "The California Raisins"]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x11 - Trivia"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: Oh, ugh. [stands and looks at meatball in chair] What is this, a meatball? Really? [Stanley laughs] Jim: It's always more fun to mess with Dwight with an audience. That was usually Pam so now that she's out I had to find someone else. Turns out that Stanley is quite the comedy fan. But not everything makes him laugh. He has very specific tastes. Through a painstaking process of trial and error, I've found out what he likes. And it's really weird. Dwight: Jim, come on! That's so juvenile! What the- [opens drawer full of meatballs] Stanley: You've been meatballed! [laughs] Dwight: Ugh. Stanley: Are you ready for some meatball? Dwight: Aw, man. [Stanley laughs] This is not very clever, Jim. Jim: I know. Stanley: Look for your stapler! Dwight: [Dwight finds stapler in giant meatball] Really Jim? Really? Very funny. Stanley: [to Phyllis] Oh okay. Good night. [climbs in to Dwight's car] What's the haul? Dwight: Thirty-two meatballs. Stanley: Good day. Dwight: That idiot's been feeding us for a week. Stanley: We'll never have to buy meatballs again. Erin: [phone rings] Dunder Mifflin. Jessica, hi! How are you? Oh yay, that's so great to hear. Erin: I'm not going to be one of those exes who can't move on. They have their life and I have mine. I'm taking an Italian class. So far I've learned tortellini, spagettini, linguini... Well it's not so much a class as a restaurant, but I do Monday, Wednesday, Friday from seven to nine. Erin: I will patch you through right now. You sound really pretty today. Okay. Andy: Jessica! I love you! That's a message from my mom. Andy: My parents met Jessica and they completely flipped for her so they gave me this old family ring to use on her. I know, whoa! Pump the breaks, Bernard, too early! I get it. I just, you know, I'm just carrying it around, seeing how it feels. I haven't proposed to anyone in years... Mom took the main diamond out, she thought that had more of a my little brother kind of vibe to it, but... Jim: [Robert is looking at pictures of a house online] Whoa, looks pretty nice. Got a little bit of a Shining vibe, though. Oscar: Oh, who needs a house that size? Dwight: Big. Stupid. Pure chump bait. Robert: I'm selling the house, actually. Jim: You know, there's a glare from over here... oh wow, that's magnificent. Robert: It's mid-recession in a depressed area of a faltering state and I've got the most expensive house on the market. The one percent are suffering too, people. I wanted it to be my Playboy mansion. A temple to wine, revelry, sex, intrigue... this was hot on the heels of Eyes Wide Shut, mind you. Then I met my wife, she moved in, made it her own. Now she's left me and forced me to sell the place. The ultimate insult? They're calling my speakeasy lounge a rumpus room. [Jim laughs] Does my turmoil amuse you, Jim? Jim: I'm sorry, I thought you were making a joke. Robert: What could you possibly have found funny in what I said? What was the joke you thought you heard? Jim: I guess I thought you were approaching it with more of a sarcasm than misery. Kind of laughing at your own pain, sad clown thing. Robert: Oh yes. How hilarious it is to laugh at clowns, the painted jesters of the dying circus industry. Very funny, Jim. I get it. Andy: Um, I'm getting reports of a serious outbreak of the grumpies in here. Robert: A beautiful monster cost me my forties and my dream home. I think I'm entitled to the occasional bad day. Andy: Well, please tell Susan we all say hi. Kevin: Dude, what if, since you're feeling grumpy, we all swing by tonight and check out your indoor pool? [Robert laughs] Oscar: Kevin, no. Robert: What, as some sort of last hoorah? Kevin: Yeah. All of us in the pool, saying hoorah. Maybe the last one that says hoorah is it. Robert: You know I suppose someone should enjoy the place before I hand it over to the staging experts at Remax tomorrow. Let's try this: everyone, tonight, my house, wear a swimsuit. Let's just call it a get-together. And let's say no food. Kevin: Hey Oscar, was that you who just created a party out of thin air or was it me? Oscar: That was you, Kevin. Kevin: It was me. Meredith: You going tonight, kiddo? Cause I can give you a lift. Erin: Oh, I don't know, Meredith. It seems like you shouldn't drive maybe ever. Meredith: It's no problem. You live right near me. Erin: How do you know where I live? Meredith: Andy followed you home after the Christmas party. Erin: Why? Meredith: He wanted to make sure California didn't put it in you. Erin: Oh. Come on. Erin: Wow. Andy's such a weird stalker. Following me home like that when he has a girlfriend? I should get a restraining order. [squeaks] Angela: [sticks a hand in the pool] Oh, it is warm. Cathy: It's almost too warm. Gabe: I'm feeling eighty-two, eighty-two and a half. Ryan: Oh, so close. Eighty-one. Gabe: [to Cathy] Well, we'll say its eight-two and it'll be our secret. Cathy: [to Jim] Hey, late guy. Jim: Hey. Wow. Just stopping by. Got another party to go to. A wife and two kids at home party. Andy: Oh. Jim: DJ Pam Halpert is spinning some serious Radio Disney tonight. Jim: You're looking at the master of leaving parties early. They key is, you have to make a strong impression, so you want to have a picture taken, you want to say some peculiar non sequitur that people remember, you want to note something unique, a talking point, for later. I don't mean to brag, but New Year's Eve, I was home by nine. Jim: Robert, just wanted to grab you one second. This place is amazing, by the way. Robert: You should see the whole thing. Jim: I bet I should. [takes cell phone photo] That's beautiful, I'm going to email that to you. Robert: I'm just about to give the tour. Jim: All right- Robert: Join us. You must see what you were laughing about. Jim: I must... Jessica: [looks at pool] Wow. Andy: [hides ring] Yeah, it's pretty serious poolage. Jessica: [sees Andy's hand in his pocket] What are you doing? Andy: Hmm? Flicking a bug off my wiener. [they both laugh] Jessica: Gross. I'm getting a drink. Do you want anything? Andy: No, I'm good. Erin: [runs to Andy] Funny how we can be surrounded by people and still feel so lonely. Hi. Andy: Hi. Erin: How is everything? How's your car? Andy: It's great. You know. Reliable. Great mileage. Erin: Is that so? How about this weekend we take that sucker to a duck pond or something? Maybe get caught in the rain? Andy: Well, I can't. I'm going skiing with Jessica. you know, a couple of dopes on the slopes. Erin: Oh, like a goodbye trip. Andy: No. What? Jessica: Hey. Erin: Hi. Erin: I guess Andy isn't totally over his current girlfriend. But, if he was jealous once before then maybe I can make him jealous again. Just not with Robert. He told me he was a ride I wouldn't survive, and I believe him. Darryl: Val. You made it. Val: Yup, yup. Darryl: Uh oh, look at this. Red plastic cup, red plastic cup. How about that? Val: You know, you are just as dumb at night. Darryl: Mmm. [they clink cups] Andy: All right, theres- this would be no problem. I could swim under, one breath. Jessica: No, show me. Andy: Okay. Jessica: Dive in right here. Andy: In a minute. In a minute. Jessica: Okay. You don't know what you're doing. Andy: A minute would be cool. Erin: Hey, Dwight Snoot. Dwight: What- Erin: What you doing? Dwight: I'm relaxing. Scram. [pushes her] Erin: Ow. Andy: Hey, Stanley. Um, what happened to my pants? Stanley: I moved them. Pants only need a chair if there's a person in them. Andy: Where... [finds pants, looks for ring] Erin: Come on, don't you want to play? Dwight: Oh really? Erin: Yeah. Dwight: Yeah, you want to play you little hick? [kicks her in to the pool, Erin screams] Kevin: Whoa. Angela: Dwight! Oh my gosh! Dwight! Robert: Here we have the parlor. I imagined people would set down their coats and symbolically their inhibitions. This was the gateway. You enter this room a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a judge, but beyond it you're simply a penis, a vagina, hunger, ache. Susan used it as a Pilates studio. Oscar: [sees wine collection] Holy cow! Robert: Wine collection. Oscar: How many bottles? Three hundred? Robert: [laughs] About twelve hundred. What the hell, grab a bottle. Less inventory for the lawyers. Oscar: Toby! Chateau Margaux ninety-five. You know your wine. Toby: Well, and you have a... yes, a- d- another chateau. Ryan: Robert, you are too kind. Robert: Oh. Gabe: Too kind doesn't begin to cover it. Ryan: With ammniton like this we are in for quite a night, you and me. Gabe: And Gabe-y makes three. Jim: Robert, thank you. Thank you for this. Thank you for all this. This night's been magical. Robert: Jim, come see this next room. I think you especially would like it. Jim: Really? Why? Robert: I don't know. Maybe not. Just come. Erin: [Dwight dunks her] Oh! Dwight: [laughs] You regret attacking me now, hick? Huh? Erin: Stop it. Dwight, I was flirting with you. I was trying to use you to make Andy jealous. Dwight: I'm not going to help you. Why would you choose me? Because I'm mighty? Because I'm the manliest man in the office? I'll do it. [he picks her up] Erin: [giggles] Oh Dwight! Erin: [giggles] Stop. Dwight: You stop. Erin: No, you stop. Dwight: No, you stop. Erin: [to camera] Is he looking? [shakes her head] Oh. You can stop. Dwight: Okay, you can stop. Erin: No, no, no, he's not looking. Dwight: No, you can stop. Erin: You can actually stop. Kelly: Whoa, you guys, I just found this insane engagement ring. Is anyone missing this? Meredith: The main stone's missing. Kelly: I don't know. It looks pretty great to me. Robert: I pictured myself here every night eating a leg of mutton, the juices dripping down my bare chest, wiping my fingers on the walls. Then I met the vegan. Jim: Good night. Oscar: [raises wine bottle] To the kitchen! All: To the kitchen! Robert: To the kitchen. Onward! Oscar: Toby, what's compelling about this is the note of persimmon. Right? Toby: Note? It's a symphony. Oscar: Okay, you have to join my wine-tasting club. Toby: I would love that. Toby: Toby, you are playing a dangerous game. Guess I'm through the gateway now, though, right? Darryl: [to Val] You know, I don't think I've ever been in this exact angle before. I was scared at first, but I like it. Meredith: You guys got to try this pool. No top scum, no band-aids. This thing is choice. Val: You in? Darryl: Yeah, sure, sure. I'll be right in. Darryl: I've been working out. But, the problem is, I've been building muscle underneath. And that top layer hasn't brned off yet. Awkward stage. Dwight: [he and Erin feed each other chips] Ah, mmm. So good. Now take a chip, crush it into my face, really rub the grease around. Do it. Now rub it in. Oh, yeah, that's so good. Ah... Erin: Andy's not even looking. I think sexy eating is a dad end. Dwight: Damn it. Erin: What is the most romantic possible thing? Dwight: We can get some chicken fights going in the pool. Erin: Dwight, that's just- that's really perfect. Thank you. Both: Yes! [they high five and jump in the pool] Angela: You're in my way! Erin: Andy, Dwight and I challenge you and Jess to a chicken fight. Winner take all. Dwight: Chicken fight! Andy: No thanks. Erin: Dang it! What the heck already? Dwight: Hey, Cathy. Chicken fight! Cathy: Okay, yeah. Who's going to be my partner? Where's Jim? Kevin: I'm right here! [gets in pool] Cold. Cold. Come on, Cath. Dwight: Yeah- oh! Erin: [knocks Cathy off Kevin's shoulders] Yes! Woo! Dwight: Woohoo! Yes! Erin: Dwight, our chemistry is really clicking. We work so well together. Dwight: I know. I could just bang you right now. Erin: He's not looking. [Dwight dumps her in the pool] Hey! Robert: I had two bears sewn together to make this king-size. Total waste of two bears. Jim: To both these bears. Ryan: To both these bears. Toby: Bears. Oscar: To both these bears. Robert: When I put in the screening room, I bought three movies: Caligula, Last Tango in Paris, and Emmanuelle 2. Last two movies I actually watched in here Marley and Me and On Golden [bleep] Pond. Ryan: I mean, it's clearly meant for watching erotic cinema. Gabe: Yup. We could watch some right now if you want. I got a Korean film on my iPod if you want to just- if you have the cables. Andy: Kelly, that's a crazy ring you found. Kelly: Yeah, thanks. I'm really glad I found it. Andy: I can't believe you're wearing it. Are you not superstitious at all? Kelly: Shh. Of course I'm superstitious. What are you talking about? Andy: The ring of a failed marriage might have some sinister energy, right? Am I just being silly? Phyllis: Oh, I don't think you're being silly. Kelly: Oh God. [takes off ring] Andy: You know what, I can just sell it and put the money in the party fund. Phyllis: [snatches ring] Then another woman will get it. We can't allow that. We have to destroy it. Jessica: [to Andy] Come on. Let's chicken fight those two. Val: [comes up from under water] How was that? Kevin: Okay. Watch my toes. [does hand stand] Darryl: Hey Val. Want a beer? It might taste better than that pool water you've been drinking. Val: No, I'm good. Thank you. Darryl: Cool. Val: Cool. [to Kevin] Does Darryl not swim? Kevin: That's rcist! I don't know. But I would say, by looking at him, no, Darryl does not swim. Jessica: [knocks Erin off Dwight's shoulders] Yes! Andy: Yeah! Dwight: [to Erin] Maybe we should take a little break. Erin: Dwight, we've got this. I promise. I will not leave your shoulders, no matter what. Dwight: Okay. Erin: One more? Andy: Yeah! Jessica: Yeah! Great! [others cheer and clap] Erin: Mush, mush, mush! Come on! Dwight: Go! Erin: Go! Okay. Yeah. Jessica: Here we go! [knocks Erin over] Yes! Andy: Yay! [Erin comes back up] Whoa! Kevin: Wow! Andy: I cannot believe you're still up! Jessica: I cannot believe it either. Erin: I've got this! [Dwight gasps] Charge! Go! Go! [Dwight sinks] Andy: [muffled] Dwight are you okay? Hey, damn it- Dwight: [coughs up water] Erin, did we win? Erin: Sure. Sure we did. Dwight: You're lying. We didn't win. Erin: Hey, hey, hey Dwight. It's okay. Just rest. Just rest. Kelly: You've broken up your last couple, you evil ring. Do it. [Meredith sets fre to paper ring boat] Angela: We're in the pool! Meredith: Shut it, Angela. Dwight: Ugh. Same old party, same old people. Am I right? Reminds me of Phyllis's birthday. Andy: Ooh, do not remind me of Phyllis's birthday. Dwight: I know. [laughs] But boy, that Erin. She sure is a ripe little tiger, isn't she? Rroww! And to think, I always thought of her as a second Meredith. Respectfully, I don't want us walking into a similar Angela kind of situation. Andy: Mmm. Dwight: So I just want to make sure that you are completely, one hundred percent done with Erin. Andy: Last I checked, I'm with Jessica. And I like to get my monog on. It's monogamy for my hog 'n me. Dwight: Not what I asked. Andy: We're done. Erin and I are over. Dwight: So then you won't mind if tonight I just go crazy on her, just go nuts, rrargh. With sex. Andy: Have at it. Or take it slow. Whatever you guys work out. Dwight: [sighs] You're an idiot. Kevin: Kelly, that is mine! This is mine! [Val, Erin and Kevin play with pool noodles] Erin: Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Kevin: No! Val: Oh I've got him! Darryl: Cannonball! [jumps in pool] Let's do this! Andy: [Erin swims up with ring] Wow. Erin: So I kind of stepped on this. I think it's yours. Andy: Yeah. Oh wow. How did you know it was mine? Erin: The Bernard family seal. Duh. Andy: Duh. Erin: Sorry if your special night was ruined. Andy: Oh, whoa. Whoa, no, it's not a special night. Erin: Oh, you weren't going to do that? Andy: Honestly Erin, I don't know what I'm doing. I... I just... I don't know. Thank you. Erin: Andy's confused. That's not what I was hoping for, but it's not so bad either. I can live with confused. I get confused. I totally get confused. Robert: And of course, the pool. The ultimate lubricant for any wild evening. It was here that my parties would have crescendoed into true madness. Jim: To madness. Ryan: To madness. Toby: To madness. [Robert laughs] Meredith: To madness. Jim: Hey, um, I think you parked my car in. Is there any way you can move your van? Meredith: Oh, I'm sorry. When I got here, I put my keys in a bowl. Jim: Are you serious? Ryan: Robert, I want you to know, I'm here to rock with you as late as you want, man. Gabe: And that goes double for me. I'll stay even later than you'd like. Oscar: [Toby pours wine into Oscar's mouth] Toby! I am Bacchus, god of wine! Toby: And I am Bacchus's friend! Robert: Gentlemen, bear witness. While I've been mourning the nights that never were, one of them has been unfolding here before me. This is no get-together. This is a party. [Robert strips, jumps in pool, Gabe and Ryan join him] All: Yes! Woohoo! Bravo! Jim: And there's my talking point. Robert: Yes, that's it. Push yourselves, boys. It's not a party if you don't do something that scares you. I need a breather. Oh. Oh. You two keep going. Ryan: Hey, he's asleep. We can just leave. Gabe: So leave.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x12 - Pool Party"}	foreverdreaming
Andy: Val, I need the space. Val: All right guys, clear out. Andy: Everybody out. Val: Promise me you're going to clean up. Andy: I can't promise what I'm going to do or not do. Val: Promise me that- Andy: Obviously I'm going to clean up. Andy: Stress is like the uptight mayor or a town who's saying, "Hey, we're uptight, you can't dance," and then you have to be like, "Oh yeah, Mayor Stress? Well watch this!" And then... we dance. Oh how we dance. [dances to Kenny Loggin's Footloose] Sex also works. Erin: Hey! Jim's back from jury duty. Andy: Hey! Tuna! He's back. Jim: Hey. Andy: Oh, look at this. [hugs Jim] Tuna wrap. Jim: Okay. Andy: [grabs Jim's wrist] Hand roll. Jim: Yeah. Phyllis: How was jury duty? Jim: It was pretty uneventful, actually. Dwight: Can't believe they let someone like you serve on a jury. Makes me question the whole judicial system. Erin: What was the case? Jim: Uh, ht and run. Erin: Ooh, "the case of the ht and run," that's exciting. Phyllis: Did you send him to the slammer? Jim: Nope. Not guilty. Dwight: Of course you found him not guilty. [mocking voice] "Oh, he apologized and I just really want him to like me, mm." Jim: We're best friends, actually. We're going wine-tasting next weekend, if you want to come. Dwight: Not coming, have plans. Jim: Okay. Jim: I did get called in to jury duty. And they released me around noon, so, didn't think it was worth it to come back to work for a half day. And then the next morning Pam was a little overwhelmed with the kids so I took an extra day to help out. And then three other days happened. Erin: Ah! Angela had the baby! Kevin: Is it black? 'Cause that would be hilarious. Darryl: Why? Kevin: You know. Darryl: Would it be more hilarious than Angela having a Chinese baby? Kevin: A little bit, yeah. Right guys? Back me up. Ryan: Eh, a little bit. Kevin: Oh, did I win the pool? Erin: Ah, no. Right month, wrong year. Oscar: Well no one won the pool. Angela wasn't due for another month. Erin: We should all go to the hospital and visit her. Phyllis: Oh, I'd love to but, um- Jim: Aw man, I would but I can't miss any more work. Oscar: Well Kevin and I have to go, Accounting is its own little family. Kevin: Yeah, Oscar's the dad, I'm Oscar's dad and Angela's my mom. Gabe: Everyone, our very own Angela- Oscar: We all got the email, some of us are going to go visit. Gabe: Oh, I am so in. Gabe: I love maternity wards. It's the perfect blend of love and horror. Things can go so wrong or so right. Andy: Come on, Judge Judy, tell us your case. What were the deets? Jim: Mine was actually a pretty boring case, so- Meredith: How could it be boring? You were there for five days. Titillate us. Stanley: Yeah, you owe us. I had to stay until six twice to cover for you. My wife got to the TV first, had to sit through damn Rizzoli and damn Isles. Phyllis: Yeah, my car got smashed visiting one of your clients and I had to have it detailed and they took my meter change. Jim: Wow, I'm really sorry. Phyllis: Yeah. Jim: I never considered that my week off would make everyone else's job harder. The least I could do is give them a good story. Jim: [demonstrating with napkin holder and salt shaker] So Phyllis, he was here, and then the car came and did- he was like that. Yeah, so it had to be a double backflip, actually. Toby: You know, when I was on j-duty, uh, Strangler case, we used to recreate the various stranglings with empanadas from- at Ernesto's. Jim: Oh man, Ernesto's. That was our favorite restaurant too. Toby: You mean food truck. Ernesto's was a food truck. Meredith: Toby, shut your hole about the empanadas. Nobody cares about the empanadas. Dwight: I was in Los Angeles last year. Jim tricked me into thinking I'd won a walk-on part on NCIS, but that's not important. While I was being kicked off the lot, I saw food trucks everywhere. Everyone in Los Angeles eats from them. And nobody calls them restaurants. Oscar: [whispering] Guys, I don't know how many of you have seen- Gabe? Bring it in. I don't know how many of you have seen a premature baby before. It's going to be really tiny, so please don't say anything offensive. Kevin: Got that, bimbo? Erin: Got it, bimbo. [Oscar knocks at the door] Angela: Yes? Oscar: Knock, knock. Oh! Kevin: Hi! Angela: Oh... I don't- I don't want any- what are you guys doing here? Oscar: We wanted to say hi to the newest little Dunder Mifflinite. Senator Lipton: Well, meet our not-so-little bundle of joy, Philip Halsted Lipton. Kevin: Phillip is so fat. Oscar: Kevin! Kevin: You warned me not to say anything if it was tiny, Oscar. But you didn't prepare me for a big, giant, fat baby. Angela: Hey. Senator Lipton: Yes, he's substantial. Erin: He's more than substantial. He's a monster. Dwight: So this whole ht and run thing, there's just one part I can't figure out. You said it was at a four-way stop... Jim: Mm-hmm. Dwight: And the victim rode his bicycle into the left hand turn lane but the perp was already in the left-hand turn lane? Jim: Mm-hmm. Dwight: See, that's what I'm having trouble with, because the fact is, you never said he was on a bicycle. [villainous laugh] Busted, Halpert! Jim: Okay, wait, wait. Dwight: Yes! Andy, get out here. Jim: No. I never said he was on a bicycle. I just said I wasn't listening to you. Dwight: I am making a citizen's arrest. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to beg for mercy. You have the right to request judgment by combat. Dwight's rights. Andy: What's up, gangstas? Dwight: Jim was lying about jury duty. He was lying the whole time so he could go do yoga or go canoeing. I don't know what this pervert likes. fre him! Andy: Dwight, not everything is a conspiracy theory. Dwight: I have Jim on the record saying that the vic- Andy: No. Dwight! I have me on the record, saying to you, take a chill pill. Dwight: I don't- I don't need to take a chill pill. Andy: Here, right there. [mimes giving Dwight a pill and a glass] Down the hatch. Dwight: I really don't want to take the chill pill. [mimes taking pill] Andy: Attaboy. Good. Now, chill. Dwight: Okay, okay. [sits, exhales] But let's just say that Jim was lying about jury duty. You would have to fre him, right? Andy: Yeah, sure, of course. I'd fre him to Timbuktu. [Jim laughs nervously] Dwight: That's good enough for me. [exhales again] Jim: ...and Pam was just going crazy, trying to take care of Philip because Cece has been out of control recently, and- look, Andy, it doesn't matter. The truth is, I just feel terrible lying to you. Andy: I feel terrible getting lied to. No one's ever lied to me before. Jim: Okay. I think the best thing to do right now is just come clean and tell everybody the truth. Andy: No, not after what I told Dwight about fring you. No. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to have ourselves a good old-fashioned cover-up. Have you ever heard of a Connecticut cover-up? Jim: No. Andy: Do you know why you never heard of it? Jim: No. Andy: Covered it up. Jim: Are you sure you can keep this under wraps? Andy: They used to call me King Tut because I'm so good at keeping things under wraps. Andy: My nickname was actually King Butt, because I had a king-size butt. Ernesto: [pulls food truck up to where Dwight and Nate are standing] Where you want I park? Dwight: Okay, everybody, gather 'round. Got a real special surprise for you. [indicates Ernesto and assistant who are carrying empanadas] Toby: Ernesto! Ernesto: Hola Toby! [mimes choking] Toby: Yeah, hey. Ernesto: Como esta? [speaks Spanish] Nate: Uh, I'm going to say "I" when I'm talking for Ernesto, so instead of "he says blah, blah, blah," I'm going to say "I say, blah, blah, blah," but that's for him. Anyway, it was something like, "He remembers Toby." [makes face] "I remember Toby." Dwight: Okay- oh, Jim. Hey, this guy look familiar? Jim: Uh- Toby: It's the empanada guy. Jim: The empanada guy! Dwight: No, Toby! [bleep] Damn it, Toby! No, I wasn't asking you. [sighs] Ask him if he remembers Jim. [Nate asks Ernesto a question in Spanish] Ernesto: No. Nate: He says, "No." Dwight: He says, "No!" Boom! Andy: Yeah but who remembers all their customers? I mean, I can name like three of our clients. Dwight: Okay, he remembers Toby, the most forgettable man in the known world. [Ernesto says something in Spanish] Nate: Ah, he doesn't want any trouble, he sees lots of people, they come from all around to eat his delicious meat pockets. Jim: Uh, you guys are going to love these. So, empanadas on me. You guys gotta try them. Creed: Usually I'm a burrito guy, but if you won't tell, I won't. Wink, wink. Dwight: Great. And while we're enjoying these delicious empanadas, Jim, why don't you tell us your story again? Andy: Why? Everybody's heard it. Dwight: Walk us through it. What time would you get there every morning? Andy: Hey, mrder She Wrote. How about we drop the whole 'mrder, She Wrote' thing, okay? Jim was at the courthouse for jury duty every morning. How do I know? Because I drove him there. Phyllis: Why? Andy: Why? Why? [looks at Jim] Jim: Because my car broke down. Andy: His car broke down. So he called me, 'cause I live near the courthouse. Dwight: Wait, wait. You live by the courthouse. So you drove from near the courthouse, out to Jim's house, and then back to the courthouse? Andy: Thirty minutes out, thirty minutes back, easy hour. And I would watch that cute little tushie scurry up those courthouse stairs every morning and that was that. Phyllis: [to Ernesto] I'm sorry, do you have any American Mexican food? Andy: We're getting buried out there. What was that stuff about the car breaking down? Jim: Well, I think you handled it pretty well. Andy: I'm not Rumpelstiltskin, Jim. I can't keep spinning gold out of your [bleep]. Jim: Okay, listen, all right? Dwight's on to us, he's going to figure it out really soon, so let's just get ahead of it, let's tell the truth. Andy: [sighs] I don't even know what the truth is anymore. Oscar: Wow, it's so... healthy. Kevin: I'm going to call him Little Kevin. Angela: No, you will not. Erin: Is he really five pounds? Angela: Mm-hmm. Erin: Because I squat with five pounds. This- [squats, grunts] yeah, this feels like more than that. Senator Lipton: No, no, no, he's nine pounds, seven ounces. Angela: Nine pounds? Really? I thought you said five. You know what? I was under so many drugs, I felt like I was at a James Taylor concert or something, oh. So, what did you bring? Oscar: Oh yeah, I don't know if it's right, but- Senator Lipton: Well, if it's anything like that gorgeous wrapping paper, you ht it out of the park. Angela: Aw, preemie pajamas! Oscar: Again, it may not be the right size. I can return- Angela: No, I think he came early just so he could wear these. Thank you. Kevin: I got Little Kevin Call of Duty. Oscar: This baby is clearly not premature. They're lying about the date it was conceived. It's very interesting. And her husband's gay. I don't even know which thread to follow. Jim: Uh, excuse me, can I have everyone's attention for a second? First off, I just want to say that I'm really sorry, I didn't know that my absence last week would have been a burden on any of you, because, though I did have jury duty last week, they did dismiss me early on Monday. And I think you're going to find this pretty hilarious. I kind of, uh, well, maybe took the week off. Stanley: What? Jim: Funny? No? Nobody laughing? Dwight: [laughs] You're screwed! Oh, it's happening. It's really happening. Stanley: What the hell, Jim? I covered for your bony butt. Jim: Pam really needed some help with the kids, so, I promise my intentions were good. Dwight: Your clients. They're all mine. Darryl: Jim, I got my ass chewed out because one of your orders got messed up. And Andy, you said you drove him to the courthouse. Andy: Uh, I did, every morning. And if I didn't, then I hope I die. Dwight: All right, well. Let's get this show on the road, shall we? Allow me to give you a hand. [puts Jim's things in a box] Here we are. So long, clump-mate. I'm going to miss you. Truth be told, I never thought that this was how it was going to end. I always thought that I was going to defeat you somehow. But you've defeated yourself. [laughs] Andy: Dwight, cut it out. I'm not f*ring Jim. Dwight: No, no, no. You said- you said that you were- Andy: I know what I said. Jim, you're in deep doo-doo. Do you understand? I have one thing to say to you, and I'm going to say it in front of this whole office. Look me in the eye. [gives Jim a limp slap] Dwight: That's it? This is crap! [dumps the box on Jim's desk and leaves] Gabe: [on voicemail] You've reached Gabe Lewis, I'm currently indisposed. Leave me a message. Ciao. [beep] Dwight: Gabe, it's Dwight again. Highest priority, triple-urgent. Call me. Immediately. That means ASAP. Dwight: I'm gonna find Gabe, tell him what Jim did and let the little stickler do what he does best: stickle. Angela: Shh. Oscar: Honestly, I can return this for a larger size. Angela: It's fine. Pajamas aren't supposed to be baggy, right? It's not the barrio. Oscar: The only premature baby in this room is the baby this baby ate. Angela: Ah! Kevin: [giggles] Little Kevin. Angela: Really? Oscar: Angela. Angela: Fine, God. Philip was conceived nine months ago. Oscar: I knew that, I knew it. Angela: The senator and I wanted to wait, but we had just seen Thor and there was way too much wine in my chicken piccata. Oscar: Chicken marsala. Angela: Right. Um, point is, Philip was conceived out of wedlock. Oscar: Mm-hmm. Angela: And now you all know, but you can never tell. I'm serious. Oscar: Dwight. Hey. Dwight: Oh, hey. Have you seen Gabe? Oscar: He went to the car or something, but he'll be back. Dwight: Okay. [sits] Oscar: Don't you want to see the baby? Dwight: Psh! Why? I know what Angela and the senator look like. I can mash that up in my head right now. Oscar: I promised I wouldn't tell. Dwight: So don't. Oscar: Angela got pregnant before the wedding. Dwight: What? Oscar: She got pregnant before the wedding. Dwight: How long before? Oscar: A month. [Dwight leaves, Oscar calls after him] You didn't hear it from me! Dwight: Yes I did. Angela: Dwight? Senator Lipton: Dwight. Dwight: I want to see the baby. Erin: Oh, Angela will make you cut your fingernails. It's not worth it. Dwight: Oh, yes. Oh, what a beautiful child. Prominent forehead, short arms, tiny nose. You will lead millions... [whispers] willingly, or as slaves. Dwight: That baby is a Schrute. And unless somebody taught Mose sex, that baby is mine. Angela: He's hungry. Senator Lipton: Oh, that's my cue to leave. Angela: No, you don't have to. I'm going to wear this cover. Senator Lipton: Still. Still. Angela: You won't see- Jim: [to Cece] You want a giraffe? Jim: Yes, I am brining my kids in to help me get out of this hole. And you all remember my beautiful wife, Pam. Pam: Hi. Wow, I really thought I'd be more excited to be here. Jim: Whoa, whoa, whoa, game face, baby, game face. Pam: Oh right, okay. Hey Stanley, it's great to see you! Jim: Whoa, no, no. That's overdoing it, I think. Pam: Oh, hi Stanley. Jim: Split the difference? Pam: Jim. Jim: Okay, let's go. Pam: Hey. Erin: Hi. Pam: Hi everybody! Jim: What? All: Hi. Pam: How about a little visit? Jim: Wow, what a surprise. That's crazy. You guys get to meet the little heck-raisers. Creed: Hey, Angela's back with her baby. Pam: Yes, well, you guys all know Cece, but we wanted to introduce you to baby Philip. Andy: Aw! You guys. He's licking on my finger, just like my cat does. Creed: Let me have a turn. Pam: No, it's the pacifier's turn. Creed: All right. Jim: Did you say something about this one bringing in something for these people? Pam: [gasps] Yes! Cece wanted to thank everybody for letting her daddy stay home with her all last week and play, so she brought you a little treat. Phyllis: Cookies? Pam: No, but that would've been a really good idea. Jim: That was a great idea. Pam: No, she brought you drawings. Jim: Oh my goodness, let's take a look at these. They're usually amazing, so let's see. Yup, they are. Uncle Andy. Andy: Oh! Jim: Oh, Aunt Phyllis. Phyllis: Oh. Andy: Wow, these are incredible. Cece, did you do these? Cece: No. Pam: She says "no" to everything. You know, she thinks my name is "No." Cece, do you want some broccoli? Cece: Yes. Pam: No. It's crazy. Ryan: Why am I shorter than the table that I'm standing next to? Andy: There's cross-hatching in some of these. That's kind of advanced for a two-year-old. Kelly: Cece, this is your big sister Kelly. Did you color this pretty picture? Cece: No. Kelly: So then this means nothing to you. [rips picture] Andy: Hey, Cece, why don't you draw another picture for us, exactly like this one, or at least in the exact same style? Jim: You know what? I don't think you need to do things on command. That's very weird. I'll just take that. Thank you. I think we should just wrap up the show, kiddos. Right? Cece: [cries] Mama! Pam: Shh. Jim: I don't know what else we can do here. Cece: [cries] Mama, mama, mama. Jim: It's okay. Pam: Oh, it's okay, sweetie. Jim: All right, all right. Okay. Pam: It's okay, honey. [Philip cries] It's okay, it's okay. Jim: All right, I know, I know. Let's just get this. Pam: Shh. Cece: Mama! Dwight: Angela, this child is definitely mine. He looks just like me. Angela: Every baby looks just like you. Your face kind of looks like a baby. Dwight: Need I remind you that we were together a month before the wedding? Angela: That is completely untrue. Dwight: Completely true. Remember? Angela. No. Dwight: You said that Robert was not fulfilling you- Angela: I did not. Uh-uh. Dwight: -and I said, "I bet I could fulfill you," and you said, "I'd like to see you try," and then I kissed you with the force of a thousand waterfalls. Angela: That didn't happen. Dwight: And then I inserted my penis- Angela: No! Stop it! Dwight: Into your- Angela: Dwight. Dwight: Vagina and- Angela: And even if it did, it's just a coincidence. Dwight: Admit that there is a chance. Angela: I will not. Dwight: Admit it. Admit it. Angela: I will not, it's not- Senator Lipton: All done? Dwight: Yeah. Senator Lipton: Mmm. Angela: Yes, yes. He's sleeping. Dwight: Before I go, may I? Angela: Sure. [gives Philip to Dwight] Watch the head, watch the head. Dwight: Nurse, you know that baby in there, baby Philip? Cancel the circumcision. Nurse: Who are you? Dwight: I just might be his father. Nurse: I don't know what that means. We're gonna circumcise him. Jim: [Philip is crying] I know, buddy, I know. Cece, you want to come? Want to come out? Cece: No! Jim: Oh bud, I know. Do you have a pacifier or anything? Pam: I'm looking, I'm looking for the pacifier. Jim: Cece! Pam: Okay, we're going. Jim: Okay, okay, we gotta go. All right, we're going home, we're going home. We're going home, we're going home. I know, I know, bud. Pam: Shh, shh, shh. Jim: I know, I know. Pam: You want to grab her? Jim: I'm gonna grab her, okay. Pam: Here we go, here we go. Jim: Hi, all right. I'm just going to go down to the car and I'm going to put her in her seat and I'll be right back up. Stanley: [groans] We'll see you tomorrow. Jim: No, no, it's okay, I'll be right back. Phyllis: No, just go home. Darryl: It's all good, we got this. Darryl: I have a kid. Last week, Jim at home? That was no vacation. Pam: Jim. Phyllis: Just go. Andy: Hey, we'll be just fine. Jim: Thanks guys. All right, here we go. Let's go. Andy: Oh, whew! Andy: Dwight, what the hell? You can't smoke in here. Dwight: Oh, right. [sighs] The office looks different now. Huh. Smaller. Maybe I just feel bigger. Hello Gabe. Gabe: You had something important to tell me? Dwight: Oh, you know, I did but now it seems infinitely insignificant. Dwight: Jim? Oh, right. Nah, forget it. He was doing it for his kids. I get it. Kids drive us dads crazy. Sometimes I feel like they're raising us. Am I right?	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x13 - Jury Duty"}	foreverdreaming
Jim: Oh ho! Look who's back reporting for duty. Pam: Hey guys! All: Hey. Pam: [laughing] Hi. Andy: Pam! Ahh! Look what I can do now that she's no longer pregnant. [pretends to punch Pam in the stomach] Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Phyllis: Are you glad to be back? Pam: Yeah. Yeah, I mean I could have used another week, or three. Stanley: You still had eight weeks more than we did. Pam: [laughing] Well, it's not exactly a vacation. Angela: Hello everyone! Remember little old me. Hi! Dwight: What are you doing here? You just had our baby. Our collective Dunder Mifflin...family baby. Four days ago. Angela: I wanted to come back to work. Not everybody needs some long luxurious Parisian maternity leave. [removes coat] Pam: What?! Kelly: Damn girl! Your body! Oscar: Angela, you look amazing. Angela: Really? I feel like this big rhinoceros. Anyway, I wanted to thank you guys for covering for me so I made some treats. I've got brownies and magic cookie bars. Group: [murmurs of delight as people shuffle toward the treats] Pam: Oh Angela, those brownies have walnuts in them and I think Kevin's allergic to walnuts. You're allergic to walnuts, right Kevin? Kevin: Extremely, but I'm gonna fight through it. Pam: Aw. It's OK Angela. I have mommy brain too. Angela: I don't know what that is, Pam. I made a batch with no nuts, special for you Kevin, right here. Pam: When did you find time to do all this? Angela: Babies sleep a lot Pam, if you feed them enough. Brownie Pam? Pam: Thank you. [takes bite] Oh my gosh. It's really good. Angela: I wouldn't know, I'm watching my weight. Ugh. Pam: So you guys, you know what's an even more useful treat...is cash. So- Jim: Nope. It's over. Pam: ...we wanted to say thank you- Jim: Nope. OK. Andy: Dwight, I have exciting news for you. Dwight: What? Andy: I think you're going to like it. Dwight: You can't tantalize me. Andy: Oooh, maybe I can. [slowly] I got an email... from corporate....that told me that... Dwight: OK. [looks at watch and leaves] Andy: That...[quickly] you got a promotion! [Dwight turns back] Right? I mean that's not the kinda thing you wanna read quietly at your desk. Dwight: If you make me head of sales one more time, I swear. Andy: No, this is legit. You will be assembling a team to go to Tallahassee for three weeks to develop and launch a chain of Sabre stores. Dwight: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes, yes, yes, hi-yes! Yeah yeah yeah yeah! Dwight: The Shrutes have a word for when everything comes together in a man's life perfectly: Perfectinschlag. Hmm. Right now, I am in it. I finally get a chance to prove myself to corporate, I am assembling a competent team, I am likely a father, I am so deep inside of perfectinschlag right now. And just to be clear, there is a second definition, "perfect pork anus" which I don't mean. Erin: And here's the fax for you. Andy: And here's some facts for you. Did you know frogs can hear with their lungs? And that flamingos can have orgasms that last 30 minutes. Erin: Ah! Love to learn. Andy: Yeah, it's weird that I said that last one. Erin: So... [points out their matching heart pins] Andy: Uh yeah, look at that. Erin: We're pin twins. Andy: Pin twins! This is a gift from Jessica, kind of a gag gift really. Real gifts come later. Erin: Yeah. That's cute. When I saw it in CVS it made me gag too. [Andy laughs, walks away, Erin throws away her pin] Erin: For a while there I thought something would change. But nope. Andy's still with Jessica, they even carpool together most days. I don't know, I wouldn't mind carpooling every day with Andy, but I wouldn't want to spend that much time with Jessica. Darryl: What do we have here? Darryl: Val knit me a beanie. But I can't if it's a "we're just friends" beanie or a "I'm hot, you're hot, let's get it poppin'" beanie. So I'm gonna up the ante, give her a clearly romantic gift, and we'll get to the meaning of the beanie. Dwight: Pam, pack up your post-natal swimwear, make it a one piece or this offer is rescinded, and join me on a fantastic barbeque one week from today in Tallahassee, Florida where I'm going to be living for the next three weeks. Pam: Really? Dwight: Mm hm. Pam: I'll fly anywhere for some good barbeque. Jim: Ooh, me three. Dwight: Eh! No plus one's. This is for competent workers only. And don't worry about the cost, Sabre is footing the bill. Pam: Does this have anything to do with what you were talking to Andy about? Dwight: God, you're such a spy. Darryl: [clears throat] Notice anything different about me? Val: You're wearing the beanie. You like it? Darryl: Super comfortable. Like sweatpants for my head. Nate: I love it too Val. It's it's really itchy, uh but to be fair my head is constantly itching so I can't really peg it on the hat. Darryl: [noticing all the warehouse workers wearing homemade beanies] Wow. It's like the nation of Islam down here. Val: I like to knit, don't hate. And who's that for? Darryl: Oh, this is a gift, for....my man Nate here. Nate: What? Darryl: Yeah. Nate: Darryl, you shouldn't have. Darryl: Hey. Nate: Can I open it? Darryl: No, no, no. Maybe just later. Nate: Ah, I can't wait. I'm sorry. I get too excited. [opens gift] Darryl. Val: Wow. Those are really nice. Nate: They're so elegant. Val: Cashmere. Nate: How'd you know? Darryl: Just a hunch. Your gift is on the way. Val: Can't wait. Nate: [reading card] "I'm glad you're in my life. Happy Valentine's Day." Ugh, Darryl. I am glad to be in your life too. Oh, your card is more beautiful than the gloves. Dwight: My first task as special project manager Dwight Shrute? Assembling a crack team. I need people who are loyal. People who'll help me get an inroad with the gay Hispanic community. People who won't be missed. We don't need idiots, good for nothing's, methheads or... What's your name? Kathy: Kathy. Dwight: Kathy. Jim: I just got a text from Robert California that says "bring your clubs to Florida". Pam: Why? Does he think you're going to Florida? Jim: I hope not. [laughs] Because I am not going. Two question marks? Pam: No, just do one. Two question marks is kind of aggressive. You know it's like wha-what?? Just do one. Andy: You wanna take Darryl, Phyllis, Toby, Angela and Oscar? Dwight: Yes. Andy: Can I interest you in someone less essential? Like uh a Creed or a Meredith perhaps? Dwight: Oh my god. Andy: They're not expendable exactly, I just can't...I can't think of the word I'm trying to find. Dwight: Are you kidding me?! I'm supposed to get in an airplane with those nincompoops? We'd never get off the runway. Andy: Alright, look. I gotta keep this office functioning somehow. So, I have put together a list, here's your team. Darryl and Phyllis you can have, but you're also taking Kathy, Kelly and Kevin. Dwight: Oh god. Andy: You have your team. Dwight: Kevin!? Kelly!? Kathy!? Andy just gave me a chain with three weak links. Have you ever tried to use a chain with three weak links? I have. And now I no longer own an arctic wolf. Pam: Well, let's hear it. Jim: "Robert, Hey!" Exclamation point. Pam: I like it so far. Jim: "Got your text, awesome idea. Let's ht the links next time you're in PA" Dash JH. Pam: It's perfect. You emphasized the golf, completely omit the Florida. Jim: Yeah, it's a golf text. Pam: Total golf text. Send it. Jim: Duh- Wait. I just feel weird. I should just call him. Kelly: You wanna call someone? That texted you!? Do you wanna drive them away? I mean, ugh. Darryl: [on phone] This is Darryl. Bob: Oh, sorry I asked for the main shipping number. I just need the address for the warehouse? I want to send my girlfriend some flowers. Darryl: Your girlfriend? Is your girlfriend Val? Bob: Yeah, do you know her? Darryl: We're friends. We're friends. Bob: Cool. Um, so can I get that address or...? Darryl: Yeah sorry, I'm just looking for a pen. Bob: Why do you need a pen? Darryl: Back off! I got my reasons. Dwight: May I have your attention please? Could Kathy, Darryl, Phyllis, Kevin and Kelly please join me in the conference room immediately? Kelly: Why? Dwight: Oh, no big deal. It's just that you five have been deemed most deserving of a three week all expenses paid business trip to Tallahassee, Florida. Kelly: Hell yeah. Stanley: What?! Dwight: Oh, I'm sorry Stanley, I can't share any more details with you. You see, Andy rejected you. Meredith: Wait. Kathy gets to go? Uh, why does she even still work here? Pam is back. Oscar: It just feels like a slap in the face. Dwight: I can understand your pain and your rage, but you know what? Andy is an honorable man, let us not question his choices. I'm sure he had his reasons. Oscar: We're not questioning his reasons. I just wanna know what they are. Dwight: I know, you and me both, brother. It seemed kinda random to me, but he was pretty clear on who he thought truly deserved this boondoggle of a lifetime. Kevin: Well, he nailed it because I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman's gotta take off his cape. Dwight: Good point. But we're gonna be working pretty hard until five PM. After that it's gonna be beach volleyball, trips to Cape Canaveral, and sea kayaking with Gloria Estefan. Ryan: What are the criteria for going? Dwight: It might be innate goodness versus innate badness? But there's an easy way to find out. [knocks on Andy's office door] Oh Andy, gotta few questions for you. Andy: Mooshie mooshie. [Dwight laughs] Dwight: Uh, the Florida picks got out, and people were just kind of curious as to why they weren't picked and maybe you could just clarify? Andy: Well uh...well the deliberations were confidential so...I feel like we should respect that. Stanley: Respect it? You're trying to tell me Kevin Malone deserves more than Stanley Hudson. Kevin: Hey! Angela: Ok, it's obvious Andy picked the people that are least important to the office. Kelly: Important? Oh because you and your enormous monster baby are so important to the branch. Angela: My baby is not a monster! Dwight: Hey. Be proud of your enormous monster baby. I was once an enormous monster baby. Andy: Guys. Guys. Guys. Come on, seriously? We cannot let this trip cause this kind of rift, guys! Ryan: Stop calling us "guys". Andy: I use the word "guys" a lot when I'm nervous...guys. Andy: Guys! Guys! Guys! Group: Stop it! Andy: Guys.. Ryan: Stop. Stop it Andy. Oscar: ...Andy. Andy: Dudes...the dudes who are going to Florida were picked by Dwight and me. Dwight: OK hey. I specifically remember there were a lot of other people I thought should be considered. Andy: Wha- Stanley: If anybody's going to Florida, it should be me. Every shirt I have that isn't a work shirt is a Tommy Bahama. I'm the only person in this office who watches Burn Notice. Andy: OK, I did not realize that so many of you wanted to go so badly, so if you feel like you have a very good reason to go to Florida, I'm happy to hear you out. Dwight: Great idea! So why doesn't everyone just take the next five to six hours, come up with a statement on why you feel you deserve to go to Florida and Andy and I will listen to it. Andy: No. That is a ridiculous waste of time. Kelly: For you maybe. Andy: Five to six hours? Dwight: Three to four hours. Andy: No no no no. Dwight: Two to three hours... Andy: Nope. Dwight: Come up with a statement in the next hour.... Andy: Thirty minutes! Creed: I'm out. Pam: Ok, read it back to me. Jim: [reading text] Robert, great offer. Wish I could ht the links with you in Florida but a father of a newborn really should be helping out his wife any chance he gets. Pam: Good. Doesn't sound pushy...you're just stating a fact. Erin: Absolutely. Works for me. Jim: Ok, sending. Pam: Well done. And we managed to kll the entire morning. Jim: Really did [Text bleep] He responded L-O-L. Erin: [laughs exaggeratedly] Phyllis: I have a new swimsuit I need to break in.... Meredith: I am... Dwight: I have already picked my team: Darryl, Oscar, Angela, Phyllis and Toby and that is the team that I am taking. What's that? It's not up to me? I only have influence? Well, that's all Baltzer Gladfielder had and no one eats owls for Thanksgiving. Ryan: You have two young dynamic people in this office who know trends, who know youth. That's myself and Kelly Kapoor, you need one of us there. Andy: Or both? Ryan: Not both. Just one, me. Or if not me, Kelly. Ideally me. Again, youth knowledge. That's what you get when you put Ryan Howard on your special project team...or Kelly Kapoor. Again, not both. Thanks. Andy: Very impressive. He put a lot of work into that. Dwight: Mm-hm. Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world. All show, no meat. Kevin: Because I feel like that I'm in a place with my gambling rehab that I can finally start going to dog racing again. You know, just sitting, watching, enjoying the sport? Maybe putting down a few dollars if there's like a crazy mismatch or something... Dwight: Ok. Thank you Kevin, we'll let you know. Andy: Thank you. Kevin: When do we leave? Andy: Thank you. Toby: It has been a long, lonely winter. Dwight: Wow. Seasonal effective disorder, AKA: sad. That sounds like a very real thing, Toby. Toby: It is real, thank you for saying that. Andy: Yeah, wow. It's almost like we're not all experiencing the same winter? Stanley: Florida Stanley smiles. Florida Stanley is happy to go to work. Florida Stanley is who you want on your Florida team. Dwight: Maybe it's what she does here... Andy: Well... Erin: Hey guys, any spots left? Andy: Erin, you wanna go to Tallahassee? Erin: I do. I really do. I think it would be a nice way to clear my head. Dwight: You know I don't think it's a good idea for you to clear your head any more than it has been already. I think you need a workplace where the burdens of everyday life keep you tethered to reality. Erin: Either or. But if you can find someone to fill in, I would love to go. Andy: Well it wouldn't be hard to find someone to fill in.. Erin: Really? Oh, great. Good, ahem, good. Jim: Now, is it too dark to say that Cici's having an operation? Pam: I think you need to go to Florida. Jim: I think you're right. Pam: It's only for three weeks, you know with my mom and sister at the house it'll be.. Jim: Total nightmare. Pam: I was going to say good because I'll have all the help I need? Jim: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They're incredibly helpful, you're lucky to have them. I mean with them there, you probably won't even know I'm gone. Pam: Exactly. Dwight: Well, [Jim enters] No! No! Absolutely not! You are not going. Over my dad body, no. Andy? Andy: Tuns, I'm really sorry. You're too essential to the operation here, I can't let you go. Dwight: I wouldn't say that...it's a bit much. Jim: You know Dwight, if you didn't want me to go the smart move would be to tell Andy that I actually am essential to the operation. That way I couldn't go. Dwight: Jim is essential to th- Jim: Hold on, just wanna get it on camera. [holds up cellphone] Dwight: Andy, Jim is just too...essen-... Jim: Essential. Dwight: This is stupid! Cut. Jim: Alright, I'm gonna pack my trunks. Dwight: He doesn't even want to go. Jim: Well, I got a text from RC inviting me to come down so I think that's gonna make us roomates. Dwight: Oh my god. Jim: Hey, quick question: Do you shower at night or in the morning? Cause I wanna shower when you're showering. Save some water. Andy: OK, listen up everyone, here's who's going to Florida: Kathy.. Dwight: What? Andy: ....Stanley.. Dwight: No. Andy: ...Ryan... Dwight: No! Andy: ...Erin... Dwight: (Bleep) Andy: ...And, Jim. Dwight: You've gotta be (bleep)-ing kidding me. Ok. Ok, Florida group, welcome to the team. [goes into conference room and slams door] AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Dwight: Let's go, step it up you runts. You infants, let's move. Stanley: Why is it so hot in here? Dwight: Hot? What are you talking about? This is a nice temperate Florida morning. Eighty-five degrees, seventy-five percent humidity. This is the exact environment you will be facing for the next three weeks of your life. Welcome to special projects orientation. The next three weeks of your life are gonna be the most miserable you've ever faced. They're gonna be hard, they're gonna be dirty. You're gonna wish you were dad. Ryan: But... Dwight: But? There's not buts. That's it. You'll wish you were dad. You seem a little disturbed, you wanna stay here? Ryan: No no, I want to go. Dwight: Cause if any of you would prefer to stay here, all you need to do is ring this bell. [holds up Taboo buzzer] Jim: Is that the buzzer from Taboo? Dwight: SHUT UP MAGGOT! YOU DON'T WANT TO GO, RING THE BELL! RING IT! Ring it. Dwight: How many of you have seen the documentary Deliverance? Stanley: How did a mosquito get in here? Dwight: I released three hundred mosquitoes in the conference room, just temporarily. When I'm done, the frogs will take care of the mosquitoes. [Frog in plastic cage ribbits] Dwight: Yes, when he brushes your soft supple cheeks with his worn leathery hands and says "I'm gonna make you the seventh Mrs. Rosenblatt" unless you ring this bell. Ring it! Ring the bell. You wanna spend the rest of your life changing your husband's colostomy bags? Huh? Do you? Ring it! Wha-, [Jim slaps Dwight's forehead] oh. What was that? Jim: Mosquito. Dwight: [Sighs and grunts] Orientation is over. Nate: Oh Darryl, hey. Darryl: Hey what's up? You called? Nate: Yeah, you know I, I felt really terrible that you got me these lovely gloves and I didn't get you anything... Darryl: It's cool really. Nate: No, it's anything but cool. Now I haven't really had time to go out and buy you anything, but uh, here goes. [Hands Darryl pink slips of paper] Darryl: "This coupon entitles you to one free tickle monster att*ck" Nate: Yeah, they're Nate coupons. Or Nate-pons. And they're all different. Cash that one in and I will bring you a stick of gum, anytime, any place. I'll find you. Darryl: Thanks. [to Val] Nice flowers. Val: Thanks, they're from my mom. Darryl: Your mom? Val: Yeah. Darryl: Uh. So I guess that was your mom who called me earlier looking for the address? Real deep voiced woman? Val: Yeah, that's her. Darryl: She said her name was Brandon, I think. Your mom's name is Brandon? Val: [laughs] Yeah Darryl, my mom's name is Brandon. Darryl: Then I guess I figured out where I stand. This is a love beanie. Dwight: Ok, Florida team, let's reconvene. Erin: I'm going to Florida.....and I'm not coming back. Dwight: So Sabre has set up a conference room for our use while we're at corporate. Jim: So, what is this special project? Dwight: Basically Sabre has tasked us with helping them branch into the retail marketplace. They want to set up their own version of an Apple store. Jim: That sounds awesome. Dwight: It did, it did. Ryan: You know what might be great? Is if instead of a genius bar we have a lounge area where people can ask questions about the product with other customers who liked it. Erin: Yeah. And they should have a place where people can check their computers or printers before they see you so you don't have to carry it around like a dope. Like a coat check. [Dwight writes on whiteboard] Oh, don't write it down unless you like it. Dwight: Oh, I like it. Ryan: It seems to me that the Apple store is kind of like a party. So I think our question is: How do we make this a better party? Dwight: No. We sell business tools and the stores need to reflect that. They need to be all business. Let all the other stores look like a toy store. Ryan: Right. Think different, from Apple. Jim: Dwight, is now a good time to go over what you expect of us? Dwight: [long pause] Yes. What are my expectations for the group? Dwight: I have been given the responsibility to manage Stanley, a solid player, Ryan, who is capable of surprises, Erin, an excellent follower and Kathy, a probably not totally useless enigma. And, well, Jim. Under the right manager, that's not a bad team. Perfectinschlag. Kelly: I don't know how I'm going to live here without you. Ryan: Me neither. Hey, will you put this coat on my chair? I just realized I'm not going to need it down there. Kelly: Yes, I will take your coat. And I will keep it with me, and I will sleep with it because it smells like you. Ryan: No, no, no, no. Just put it on my chair. Pam: Alright [kiss] Jim: Bye. Pam: Bye. Call me when you land. Jim: I will. Andy: Safe travels. Erin: Goodbye for a very very long time. Andy: Oh, K. It's only three weeks. Kathy: [On phone] All expenses paid. Yeah, Jim's gonna be there. Their marriage is not good. Nobody knows better than me. Definitely we will. It's three weeks in Tallahassee, what else is there to do?	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x14 - Special Project"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: Today is the first day of Sabre's new project to develop a chain of retail stores. I am meeting my new boss, Nellie Bertram, head of special projects. Work starts at nine. Sabre HQ is thirty minutes away, driving the speed limit. Giving everyone twenty minutes to shower, plus fifty for Jim to style his hair, twenty for breakfast, forty for Erin to get lost between her room and the lobby, ninety for Ryan to do his morning ecstasy... We're already twenty minutes late. Dwight: Wake up! [Cathy screams] Dwight: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Wake up! [Erin kicks him] Ow! Why are you sleeping that way? Erin: Oh. I was reading the mattress tag and I fell asleep. Dwight: Stanley! Wake up! You've got to wake up, the hotel's on fre! Erin: Stanley, wake up, it's pretzel day! [Dwight pinches Stanley's nose and covers his mouth] Stanley: Mmm! [struggles] Ugh! Dwight: [lets go] Good morning. Erin: Hey, wake up. Let's have some fun. We're in Florida now. Ryan: Hey, you. I'm so glad this is happening. I actually came to your door twice last night. Come on in, the water's fine. [sees Dwight] Oh, not cool! Jim: I am on the two kid sleep schedule so I'm up and at 'em at four fifteen, but no kids, so I honestly didn't know what to do with myself, and then I thought of something. Uh- [hears door, hides] Dwight: Heeeere's Dwi- what the-? [sees trashed room] Oh man. Erin: What do you think happened? Dwight: Looks like Jim got mixed up with some bad apples. [sees "IT WAS DWIGHT" written in lipstick on the door] Oh no, no, no, no. It wasn't me. I gotta find Luwanda at The Alcohol Club. Oh. [Jim falls out of the closet, Erin and Dwight scream] Jim: Puppet. Cathy: Cool, for your kids? Jim: Yeah. It's weird being away from them. Never done this before. Dwight: Attention, Dunder Mifflin group. Proceed outside. The vehicle is waiting. Seats have been assigned. gn goes to Ryan. Congratulations, Ryan. Dwight: I need to make Nellie see me as a leader today. First impressions get locked in forever. When I first met Pam, she said something that slightly rubbed me the wrong way. Since then I've loved working with Pam and she's frankly wonderful, but I hate her. Dwight: I'll have a bottle of the antacid. Also, I want to get a souvenir for my son, but his mother doesn't acknowledge my paternity. Do you have anything for that? Also, I want it to have a Florida feel. Saleswoman: What does he like? Dwight: Power. Ryan: Okay, and this one is, "Huh. Don't see too many museums around here." Dwight: Okay, Twiggy, that's enough. Get in the car. Erin: Hey, are you okay? Dwight: I'm fine, okay? It's just stress. You know, 'cause I care about this project. And frankly the fact that none of you are vomiting or diarrheal right now I find very alarming. Erin: Who says none of us are diarrheal? Jim: Are you sure it's stress? Because I did poison you. Dwight: Very funny, Jim. Jim: Oh no, I'm serious. I was thinking, "For this trip I have to do something epic, so what should that be?" and then I thought of it. I'll poison you. What are you gonna do? You gonna steal my newspaper or put a cricket in my cereal or something? Dwight: I'm gonna set your face on fre. Jim: That's a good one. [a red sports car drives up] Whoa, Stanley! Did you just come back from burning down a rival nightclub? Stanley: Laugh it up, Halpert. I'm in Florida for a month without my family. I'm gonna enjoy this. Want to get in? You can work the iPod. Jim: Yes. Stanley: You're a nice guy, Jim, but you have no idea how to vacation. Find some Kenny Loggins. Jim: Loggins and Messina. Stanley: Did I say "Messina?" [tires screech] Andy: Ahh! [laughs] Sorry I couldn't resist. It's so quiet. Creed: I like it. It's so peaceful, I've already written like, twelve plays today. Andy: It's so quiet, one might say, you could hear a pin... [drops pin] I thought that would be cooler. Darryl: I loved it. Meredith: Hey, can you pick up the pin? Some of us like to work in our bare feet. Andy: Of course, I will pick up the pin. It is right here. Got it. Oscar: Can we see that? Did you really find it? Andy: Yes, right here. Got it. Dink, ow. [chuckles, clicks tongue] In the trash. Pam: Hey, why is it so quiet? Shouldn't the phone be ringing? Uh-oh. Erin set the phone to voicemail. Everyone: Oh great. [overlapping chatter] Kelly: We're screwed. Pam: There. [phone rings] Andy: Oh! There we go! Pam? Pam: Yeah? Andy: Can you get the phone? Pam: Well I'm not the receptionist. Andy: Mm, well, you used to be. Pam: I know, but I can't cover reception. I have a ton of work to do. Andy: Phone's ringing. Kelly: Will one of you get the phone? I am freaking out! I know it's for me. [Andy and Pam silently argue] Are you guys kidding me? Stop flirting and someone get the phone! Everyone: Somebody! Answer the phone. Kelly: Andy, pick up the phone! Stanley: Get the damn phone. Meredith: You're the closest one to it. Andy: Fine. Hello, Dunder Mifflin. [ringing continues] Hello, you've reached Dunder Mifflin. How may I be of service? Jim: Man. Cathy: How was the drive? Jim: Fantastic. Stanley drives so fast. Stanley: Life is short. "Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse." That's one of my mottoes. Jim: I would love to hear the other mottos. Packer: Quick query, Halpert. Jim: No way. Packer: Still qeer? Dwight: Packer. Packer: You can't put me down. Too strong! Packer: Yeah, Dwight and Jim tried to get me fired, but I landed on my feet down here in Florida. You see, this cat's got nine lives, and a nine-inch- Nellie: Psst. Say, "So who's leading this thing, anyway?" Ryan: So who's leading this thing, anyway? Nellie: Psst. Say, "I can't wait to meet him." Ryan: I can't wait to meet him. Nellie: Him, you say? Don't think a woman can be a leader? Ryan: I- Nellie: You poor, simple boy. Expected a man, did you? Strong, powerful. Huge, whopping penis? Well, sorry to disappoint, but my huge, whopping penis is right here, [points to her head] and I'm not afraid to use it. So stop looking at my breasts, and start looking at my penis. [slow clap] I'm Nellie Bertram, president of special projects. In the next few weeks we're going to throw everything you know about business out of the window and do it our own way. Are your minds blown? So, how did this special project come about anyway? Well, I interviewed to be the manager of your branch. [points to Jim] After you decided I wasn't "a good fit-" Jim: It was- Nellie: Ah! It was. I went on a shopping spree. Very destructive. I bought thirteen pianos. Then I realized, what if Sabre had a store? Hmm? So I called Jo, old friend, founder of Sabre, and I told her and she grabbed me by the shoulders and she said, "Yes!" So let's talk about the Sabre store then. Probably gonna look stupid, right? Like a big turd with a door on the front, right? What do you think it should look like? Cathy: Um, it might be fun if each store had a different theme, like a beach one, a winter one, a jungle one. Nellie: No, not a big fan of the winter aesthetic. Cathy: Well that was just one idea. It doesn't have to be winter. Nellie: Oh, no, it does. It does. It has to be winter, and I reject it. So I drew up a design concept. Probably gonna be rubbish, right? Would you like to look at it? Just so you could laugh at it. Erin: Yeah! Nellie: Let me just get the projector working. Dwight: Uh. [eats antacids] Jim: You got to stop with the antacids. It's not the antidote. Dwight: You didn't poison me, it's just stress. Jim: Okay. Dwight: What is the antidote? Jim: True love's kiss. Nellie: Jim, help me lower this screen. You're a big, tall man. [points to Ryan] You'd be hilarious trying to do it, like a little boy. Just let go of his balloon. Dwight: I'll do it! I always say, "You want something done right? Ask Dwight." Right? Dwight. Right? Dwight. Right Dwight, right Dwight. Sorry, now you'll never be able to get that out of your head. [reaches up, whimpers] Packer: I can do it. Dwight: Mmm! [screams, pulls down screen] There we go. Dwight: [on phone] Yes, a complete inability to pass gas, pervert. Ugh, yeah, it's tender. It can't be appendicitis, I eat more than enough bacon. Okay, what poison mimics the symptoms of appendicitis? Oh, you don't know? Hold on. [to Jim] What kind of poison did you use? Jim: Dwight, I didn't poison you. I was kidding. Dwight: Yeah, I'm gonna need an ambulance. Hold on, I have the address in my phone. [sees chart on screen] Hold on. Hold on one second. Uh, quick question. Vice president, uh, who is that? There's no name listed. Nellie: Is there not? Maybe I'm just waiting for someone to wow me. [winks] Emergency Operator: Sir? Sir, where should we send the ambulance? Dwight: Send it to the frickin' moon, idiot. Packer: I tell you what though, since my move down to Florida I've really gotten back into hunting big time. Nellie: Hunting's so primal. Almost sexual. Packer: Totally. I mean, I'd never bang an animal, you can hardly tell the difference between a boy or a girl, you know, but hunting's intense. Dwight: You talking about hunting? I love hunting. I'm a master hunter. Packer: Did you say "masturbator?" Dwight: I'm a decent baiter. My cousin Mose, that's a master baiter. Nellie: Why are you sitting down like that? Dwight: Why is everyone else standing up? Okay team, let's get back to work! Break's over! Jim: Wow. Are you that bored? Stanley: It's just rum. I'm not bored, I'm a pirate. Jim: Is that another motto? Stanley: It's whatever you want. [offers Jim the bottle] Jim: Mmm. Stanley: Or do you only drink with your kids? Jim: Ah, let's do it. [laughs] Oh, that's healthy. Jim: I've spent so much of my life telling myself "Please, don't end up like Stanley," and now I'm wondering if I even have what it takes. Nellie: We have the Sabre Pyramid, right? Hmm? We've got a bunch of humans. You guys, humans... pyramid. Human pyramid. Do you follow? It's a team-building exercise. You'll love it. Who's in? Hmm? Packer: Yup. Tallahassee, let's go. Erin: Jim, are you in? Jim: Oh, I don't know. Stanley: Sounds like a hoot. I'm in. Jim: All right, what the heck? Let's do it. Packer: This is great. This is gonna be great. Nellie: I feel like I'm in ancient Egypt. Dwight: I'll be on top. It's the most important position. Ryan: Dude, I think you have appendicitis. Dwight: [tries to climb human pyramid] Ahh! Ryan: Dwight? Jim: Dwight, why don't we just hold off with the human pyramids for a while? Dwight: Everyone stop moving! Everyone stop wiggling! Oh, I feel like I'm gonna vomit! Packer: Dude, don't you yak on me. This shirt is Van Heusen. Dwight: [groans] Stop moving! Jim: No one's moving! Dwight: Oh! [collapses] Everyone: Oh, oh! [general commotion] Dwight: Arrest Jim. He poisoned me. Jim: Wha- no. No, it was not a poisoning. Jim: The one thing Pam made sure I knew, Florida's pretty loose with the death penalty. Paramedic: You need an operation. You have appendicitis. Ryan: Oh! Who called it? Nothin' but net. Erin: How long will he be gone? Paramedic: Two or three days. Dwight: Don't remember me like this. Remember me as the man who pulled down the screen. Packer: Drama queen, am I right? Dwight: [to phone] Phillip, if you're hearing this memo, that can only mean one thing, I'm dad. You are the rightful heir to Schrute Farms. Please, you must do one thing. kll Mose before he kills you. [presses button] Mose, hey, it's Dwight. Listen, yeah, I just want to give you a heads-up. Packer: That was an interesting diversion. Shall we get back to the meeting? Pam: Whoa, are those mini pizzas? Andy: Yeah, I figured we'd keep things savory while Oscar's mouth is in canker country. I also have some bacon-wrapped dates on deck. Kevin: Look at these little mini pizzas. Does this make me look huge? [giggles] Hey guys, look at me, I'm huge. Andy: Hey Darryl, good news, your fax went through. Darryl: Oh [bleep] yeah. Andy: Up high. Darryl: Yes sir. Thanks. Andy: Dunder Mifflin, this is Andy. [whispers to Kelly] I put out some new magazines, check it out. Creed: Ah, Dwell. Andy: I'm acting like I like reception and I'm a really good actor, so people are actually buying that I actually like reception, but, I mean, seriously, reception sucks. [phone rings] Oh, there's the phone! Dwight: I just got out of surgery. What's going on? Fill me in. Erin: Well, we broke into groups and the groups are doing presentations later. Dwight: Who's doing the presentations? Erin: Packer's giving one. [Dwight growls] Jim'll probably give ours, I guess. Dwight: Damn it! Erin: Let's see, what else have you missed? Ryan switched his name tag to his pants, so now it's like if you wear yours on your shirt, you're a total dip, but if you switch, you're a copycat. But I think I figured out a solution. What else? My shoes are gonna- Packer: -features a tech support area. Bring in your product, a bunch of nerdy virgins fix it on the spot. Huge for building loyalty. Nellie: Very good point. Dwight: Yeah Todd, decent idea. Obvious, but interesting. Nellie: Dwight, are you all right? Dwight: I'm great. How are you? Dwight: What's our presentation about? Jim: Dwight, will you go back to the hospital? You were there for like three hours. Dwight: I got the surgery, what else is there to do? Erin: Do a hundred jumping jacks. Dwight: No, I don't feel like it. You do a hundred jumping jacks. Erin: I don't feel like it either! Erin: [doing jumping jacks] Ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine- Dwight: I want that vice-presidency. Jim: You haven't done any of the research. Dwight: "You're too slow, you're too small, Seabiscuit is a stupid name." You guys sound just like the enemies of Seabiscuit. I'm going to do it. Stanley: Aw, let him do it. Jim: Stanley, are you listening to music? Stanley: Yup. Dwight: All right, who's ready for the next presentation? Nellie: Ah, what is your topic? Dwight: What is our topic? Oh, what a topic it is. Erin: Retail consumer habits. Dwight: Really? Okay. Retail consumer habits is... [sighs] The only thing you need to know about retail consumer habits is that consumers are mindless lemmings. They just want to be told what to do. [Erin makes the first slide appear] Fast forward to today, and the retail consumer is independent, well-informed, super smart. Super smart. Okay. Dwight: Shopping habits are both seasonal and cyclical. What does this mean? Ryan: I can field this one. Dwight: No, sit down. "Seasonal." Well, the Christmas shopping season is certainly a busy one, back-to-school is, as well, and in early summer it seems to slow down a bit, but shopping is also cyclical. The menstrual cycle determines every choice a woman makes. You see, during ovulation, a woman's only goal is to get pregnant, and during menses, she is sad that she has failed. And how does the woman console herself? Shopping. Shopping. Just- Jim, could you fetch me some ice chips? Thank you. Just gonna... take a... brief pause at this point. [Jim gives Dwight a bowl of ice chips] Thank you. [Dwight sticks his head in the bowl] Oh, God. Next slide. Andy: Mail call! [sings] His name is Oscar, and he got some mail, and he better open it, or go to jail 'cause it's your taxes. His name is Kevin, and no mail for him, but he got a coupon, for some frozen... yogurt. Kevin: Are those the lyrics? Dwight: Anderson's three pillars of retail. Crucial. So important. Next. Are there any questions? Nellie: What are the three pillars of retail? Erin: [whispers] Convenience. Dwight: Ingredients. Erin: Service. Dwight: Burgers. Erin: Building loyalty. Dwight: k*lling royalty. The truth be told, we should really disregard Anderson's three pillars. He was later diagnosed with dementia. You know what is important? Is Dwight's pillars, and there is only one: desire. Do we have a desire to dominate the retail space? Not just succeed in it, but to dominate, and looking around this room I'm not so sure that we do, but we can get there, and I can lead us there, and that is all that matters. Nellie: Very true. Where there's a will, there's a way. I once spent a passionate night with Hugh Grant's brother, John Grant. He's older than Hugh, just a little bit uglier. How did I pull that off? Sheer force of will. That is very good, Dwight. Dwight: Thank you very much. Any other questions? Jim? Jim: You are bleeding through your shirt. Dwight: Oops. That's embarrassing. Egg on my face. [ties jacket around wound] Ah. Pam: Hey, having fun? Andy: Yes I am, as a matter of fact. Pam: Well I know how it is. I know it's a lot of fun. I don't know how it is. Andy, this is a lame job. What are you doing here? Andy: I found my calling. Darryl: Andy, when I was twelve years old, we did a field trip, a lock-in at the zoo. I met this girl, I thought she was so perfect. I was in love with her. But when the sun came up, I knew it wasn't real, 'cause she was ugly and I had grown tired of her. I know you want reception today, but tomorrow you won't want to do her. She's a dog. Pam: Guys, I don't like this analogy. Andy: [groans] Ugh! Fine. Did you see this? [points to pens in cup] Pam: It's nice. Andy: I mean... [Pam giggles] Nellie: How are you feeling? Dwight: Amazing. Just lost four ounces of appendix, already replaced it with muscle. Nellie: Can I see the wound? Dwight: [show her the wound] Oh God. Nellie: Oh! That's disgusting. That's barely healed. Dwight: You're not paying me to heal, you're paying me to kick ass. Nellie: A few hours ago, your body was open like a cabinet. Dwight: That's right. Nellie: That is amazing. Todd, look at that. Packer: Oh, yikes. Incoming- [tries to touch the wound] Dwight: Ah! Not so fast. Nellie: Would you come in early tomorrow so we can talk about the store over breakfast? I feel you [points to both] have a lot to offer. Packer: It would be an honor, ma'am. Dwight: I'll go ahead and cancel my post-op check-up right now. Dwight: I had two goals today. The first was to make myself the clear candidate for vice president. I achieved that, no thanks to my appendix. The second was to find a memorable souvenir for Philip. For that, I do have to thank my appendix. Andy: [answers the reception phone] Dunder Mifflin, how can I help you save money on paper? This is Andrew. Donna Muraski: Hi Andrew. What happened to Erin? Andy: Oh, she's on an assignment in Florida for a couple of weeks. Donna Muraski: Oh, good for her. She's such a sweetheart. You tell her Donna Muraski misses her. Andy: I miss her too. Nellie: Everyone, we have a very special guest. He turned an idea into a store, into hundreds of stores. I give you Wally Amos, founder of Famous Amos Cookies. [cheers, claps] Wally Amos: Aloha, aloha, aloha. So I hear you're all looking to bake up some dough in the sales game. Well, back when I was regular Amos- Stanley: What's under the cloth? Wally Amos: We'll get to that. Packer: Cookies. Bet you anything it's cookies. Wally Amos: It's cookies. Let me- let me finish my speech first. Nellie: Ah, we get the gist. It's just success and effort, isn't it? So just, don't be coy, make with the cookies! [everyone goes for the cookies] Erin: Famous, hi. I'm sure you get ideas for new cookies all the time, but I- Wally Amos: Is it oatmeal with no raisins? Erin: I'm sorry to have wasted your time.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x15 - Tallahassee"}	foreverdreaming
Pam: Hey Angela, you wanna see a picture of Phillip wearing those little booties you got us? Angela: So cute. Oscar: Hey, you guys want to see a picture of Gerald wearing galoshes? He refused to go out in the rain until I bought these. Now going out in the rain is all he wants to do. Pam: Oscar thinks that having a dog is just like having a baby. Angela: News flash - If you didn't carry it around for nine months, it isn't your kid. Pam: Exactly. Unless you adopted, of course. Angela: That is where we disagree. Oscar: Hey, are your little dudes crawling yet? Pam: No, three-month-old humans don't do that. Angela: My Phillip is crawling. Pam: Angela is such a liar! Oscar: It's maddening! Oscar: Exactly. That's just like crate training. All night long, all night long. Pam: Well count yourself lucky. Wait until you have two. That's two sleep schedules, two naps that don't coincide, I mean, you'll never sleep again. Angela: No one said "you must have two" Oscar: Like her genes are so important. The world just needs more Pam/Jim DNA. Thank you, no. Angela: No thank you. Andy: [laughing] Check this out. My brother just got a new sailboat. He has NO idea what he just got himself into. There's nothing harder than taking care of a boat...am i right? Angela/Pam: Unbelievable! Oscar: Un-be-liev-a-ble. Nellie: It is the end of the day, it is the end of the week. We managed to fill 40 hours somehow. That's not bad, is it? Packer: That's great. Dwight: Pretty good. Nellie: Well thank you. This is very helpful feedback. [Dwight raises his hand] Dwight, I am still not ready to name a VP. Dwight: [laughing] That's not what I was going to ask. Gosh, jump to conclusions. Come on, I know, you've got so much on your plate. Right now, you're like 'oh, what's more important? Dwight's question, figure out who's the VP?' Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP. Nellie: I can't be hypnotized, Dwight. I tried it, I ended up smoking more. Dwight: Can we at least eliminate those that are not in the running? Free them up to focus more completely on the menial. Like stacking or sorting, or- Jim: Catching butterflies. Dwight: That's a hobby, unless it's for food. Jim: Theater. Dwight: Waste of time. Jim: Dragging. Dwight: That's just a verb. Jim: Dragging sticks. Dwight: Yes, nice, perfect. Dragging sticks. Nellie: Alright, I'm gonna eliminate three people right now, okay? Just... you three, no. Packer: Not good enough (clicks tongue) Dwight: English peoples' main use today is judging American talent. [British accent] You're crap. You're wonderful. [back to American] They're mean, but they're incisive. Nellie: Everyone meet in the hotel bar at 7:00. I'm not allowed to say it's mandatory, so let's just call it compulsory. Packer: I'll be there at 6:00 Cathy: Ugh, we're gonna have one of those crazy nights, aren't we? Maybe we'll see the real 'Talla-nasty' we've been hearing so much about. Jim: 'Talla-nasty', very clever. Cathy: Thank you- Gabe: Wait, wait, you think she invented 'Talla-nasty?' [chuckles] no, no, no, no... Jim: Cathy? It's been great. Fun, normal. [in voiceover] I thought I was gonna be hanging out with stanley on this trip, but he's turned out to be kind of a loose cannon. Stanley: My friend and I are new here in Tallahassee. Would you like to get a cocktail? [Jim slowly slinks down in his seat, with the 'Jim Face']. Maybe go out for a little dancing. Beautiful day, no? Andy: Okay, everybody. 5:00. Workday is over. Put your pencils down. Aaannnnddd bring 'em back up, because now, the late night work jam begins! Pam: Yes, the conference room is set up. I've got pens, I've got paper, I've got a whiteboard, we are good to go! Andy: Say what? Pam: We are good to goooo! Andy: Say what? Pam: We're good to goooo! Angela: Stop it. Andy: Say- Angela: Stop it. Oscar: Andy. Andy: Tonight we're staying late to service the accounts of the people who went on the Florida trip. Pam: Yes, of course, we could've just been doing this the whole time, but SOMEONE dropped the ball. Andy: ...ball droppings can be beautiful. For example, when it turns an awkward soprano into a rich, full tenor. Packer: Jason Bourne would kick Bond's ass. Nellie: Jason Bourne has no support staff. His own government's out to get him. Dwight: Genghis Khan could take 'em both down 'cause he's not afraid to kll children ... What? it's true. He- He would- he would eviscerate babies and hang them from poles outside of the villages. (Jim taps Dwight on the shoulder) Packer: Okay, drinking game. Count of three, take three sips. Dwight: That's a stupid game. I got a great drinking game. Okay, everyone empty your pockets. Whoever has the most seeds is the king. Whoever has the least buttons is the hunchback. Gabe: What happens if you're the hunchback? Dwight: Oh, you get kicked. Jim: How many buttons do you have? Dwight: (takes out bag) 40. Always. Cathy: Can I see? Dwight: Sure. (Hands bag to Cathy) Cathy: So, I get to kick you now. Dwight: No, they're not transferrable just 'cause I handed 'em to you. Cathy: Well, that's how I played it in college. Jim: College rules (Cathy throws Jim the bag and Jim kicks Dwight) Dwight: Aah! Packer: Aaaaand he host at his own lame game. Nellie: Ooh, double meaning! The game was lame, and now he's lame from the kick. Quick wit. Packer: Thank you. (Dwight looks on angrily) Ryan: I'll have a glass of your oakiest chardonnay, please. Erin: And I will have waffle with your mapliest syrup. Waitress: Sorry, no waffles. Erin: Oh, okay. Just forget it, then. Forget it. Forget it. Ryan: A waffle? Erin: A hotel waffle. I know what I want to eat. Is that crazy? Ryan: No. Erin: I'm moving down here, you know. Ryan: Oh, no, I didn't know. Erin: I'm young, and I can ... and if I can't, I'm still pretty young. I guess I'll always be young. Ryan: You come with me. We're gonna get you that waffle. Ryan: Why would Erin confide in me that she's staying here in Florida if she didn't want me to make some last-ditch, nothing to lose, Kelly Ka-who run at her? (Erin walks over) Hey. Erin: Hey. Pam: Watson carpet and tile. Kevin: One order. Oscar: Order reference number 00983-126. Phyllis: Eight Cases, bright white inkjet. Angela: Paid. Kelly: I'm dying! Darryl: Processed. Val: And delivered. Kelly: Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sorta feel out what the situation calls for. Nellie: I will be right back. Packer: I will be here. Dwight: Hey. I see what you're doing. It's futile. the VP position is mine. Packer: Oh, please, You're through. She's going to give it to me as I'm giving it to her tonight. The cowgirl has chosen her saddle. [clicks tongue, whinnies] Dwight: Well, saddles... [clicks tongue, whinnies] ... sometimes fall off, especially if you don't properly cinch the girth. Packer: What? That's a joke, right? You see the way she's all over me. Dwight: If anyone's having sex with Nellie for personal gain, it's me, and I'm not joking at all. If you don't tighten your saddle, you may fall off. Andy: Who is ready for dinner? "oh, I bet it's pizza, or tacos, or something stupid". No. [claps] I went south of the border for this. And then I went south of that border. And we have ourselves... [takes foil off tray] [Jamaican accent] A Jamaican feast, mon! [Disapproval from everyone else] Phyllis: If I wanted Jamaican food I'd just hire a bunch of bodyguards and go there. Andy: Additional trivia factoid, this food comes to us through Val. And our server is none other than Brandon, her boyf! Val: Hey. Brandon: How you doing, Val? [Val and Brandon kiss] Oscar: Jamaican, huh? I just read about the elections down there. Crazy stuff. Brandon: Oh no, I'm not actually Jamaican. Oscar: Terrific. Darryl: What's up man? I'm Darryl. Brandon: Darryl, I heard about you. You doing good? Darryl: Oh yeah. Brandon: Must be doing real good since you're fing my girlfriend. Everyone: Whoa. Kevin: Dude, you didn't tell me you were f*ing Val. High five! Darryl: I'm not sleeping with your girlfriend. Val: Brandon, what the hell are you talking about? Brandon: Don't play dumb with me. I know what's up. Val: Honey, I am not sleeping with- Andy: Heyyy... let's get back to the food. Brandon, tell us about these delicious looking goops! Brandon: Hope you all like goat. Andy: Goat... Nellie: Blow in my ear. Packer: Alright. Nellie: Like I'm on the beach. [Packer blows in Nellie's ear] Dwight: [imitates seagull calls] Seagull. [Continues seagull calls] Nellie: And a wave crashing... a wave crashing. [Packer and Dwight imitate waves] Nellie: Oh, that is lovely. Jim: Alright, that's gonna do it for me tonight. Have a lovely evening. [Cathy knocks on Jim's door and Jim answers] Jim: Hey, how's it going? Cathy: Hey, uh, good. Uh, the heating system though in my room is all messed up. It's like 90 degrees in there. Maintenance is working on it. Can I hang out here? Jim: Uh... yeah, I'm just watching basketball. Cathy: Okay, yeah. Jim: Okay. Cathy: Cool... [Jumps onto bed] Is this March Madness? I love March Madness. Jim: Oh, no, that's not this 'cause that's in... March. Uh, this is just the NBA. Professional. Miami Heat, actually, so... [sits on floor] Cathy: LeBron James. Jim: Yes, nice. Good word association Cathy: [giggles] [Cathy walks over to mini fridge and bends over to take something out. Jim looks away] [Packer takes string out of his mouth] Nellie: Impressive. Dwight: Oh please, anyone can tie a knot, the real skill is in untying it [puts string in his mouth] Andy: Thornwood Wholesalers. Kevin: One order. Brandon: I read the text you sent to Val, man. Val: That's messed up. Angela: Is this spicy? Brandon: No, baby girl. It would be messed up if I didn't find anything, but I did, so- Andy: I'm pretty sure if Darryl sent Val a text, it was about some paper emergency or something. Brandon: At midnight? Andy: ... yeah... Kevin: It happens! Like a hospital needs more napkins for surgery... Kelly: Guys, we're not gonna settle anything this way. I think we just need to be grown-ups here. Andy: Thank you. Kelly: I thin we're gonna need to here those texts. Andy: Kelly, remember how you wanted to go home before? Kelly: No. There's no way in hell I'm leaving. Something interesting is happening here for once in my life, I am staying here. Darryl, read the texts. [Knock at the door] Jim: Yup, coming. [opens door] All right. Stanley: My mini bar is oddly out of rum. Jim: We have plenty. Stanley: Oh, hello. [laughs with Cathy] Jim: Do you want to watch the game with us? We're watching a game. The Heat game. Just a game. Stanley: Got it. Good night. Careful Jim, it gets easier and easier. Jim: No, no, no, Stanley. Stanley: mm-hmm. [about to leave] Jim: Stanley. Stanley. Stanley: uh-huh. Jim: Stanley. Uhh... you know what? Just bring back those bottles! Erin: Whoa. the lights are still on. Ryan: Yeah, they keep them on 'cause it's less expensive than turning them on and off. Erin: I like how guys just know stuff all the time. Ryan: Girls know a lot of stuff too, okay? And nobody knows more than you. Especially me. Erin: [gasps] Hello, waffle iron. Ryan: Hello, what do we have here? Erin: Okay, so the recipe says we need a mixing bowl... Ryan: Right. Erin: ... a measuring cup... Ryan: Got that. [Metallic thud] Get down. Erin: [whispers] It's the fuzz! Ryan: [whispers] Shh! do you want us to get scolded? Shut your beautiful, beautiful mouth, please. Darryl: "I got too much ice cream. You want some?" "Getting' my fry on." Kelly: Boring. Darryl: Uh, "The moon is huge tonight." Phyllis: Ooh, gosh, the moon one's damning. Yeah, sorry. Darryl: That's regular text talk. Brandon: You forgot one. Darryl: "You're such a great friend." Brandon: With the dots. Darryl: "You're such a great friend, dot dot dot dot dot." Kelly: Five dots, Darryl, are you kidding me? Okay, 'cause three dots means 'to be continued', four dots is a typo, but five dots means "Whoa, do not make me say what I want to say, baby, but if I did, it would blow your mind, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Everyone: Oh... Brandon: See? Yes. Thank you, sister. Val: Brandon, Darryl and me? That's ridiculous, right? Darryl: Yeah, totally crazy. Puts me in an insane asylum just thinking about it. I'm stranded on shutter island over here. Nellie: You look like Ed Harris if they stretched him a little bit. Dwight: You wanna see a picture of me trapped under a tree? [cell phone rings] ...ahhmmm... excuse me... What?! Not now, I'm busy. Jim: [on phone] I'm sorry, I thought you'd want to know that I saw a bedbug in my room. But, never mind, sorry to interrupt. Dwight: Wait wait wait wait, bedbugs? Oh no... Freak, I need a favor. Gabe: Well, then you have to call me by my name. Gabriel Susan Lewis. Dwight: I gotta be gone for a few minutes. You make sure that Packer does NOT sleep with Nellie. Gabe: What's in it for GSL? Dwight: You really want Packer as your boss? Gabe: Got it. Dwight: If Jim has bedbugs, that means they're everywhere. I can't risk them coming back to Schrute Farms. Our biggest attraction is our 200 year old mattresses. Dwight: Where did you see it? Jim: In the bed. Cathy: I haven't seen anything. Dwight: We gotta find it before it eggs. [pulls sheets off bed] Cathy: Jeez... Dwight: Describe it. Jim: Brown, shiny, painful bite. Dwight: Could be a bat weevil... Describe its mood. Did it seen sleepy? Jim: Stressed, but to be fair, it was a tense situation. Dwight: Fair enough, but after it bit you, did it run away fearful, or did it walk away smug, self-assured? Jim: So smug. Like he thought it was funny, like this. Dwight: Pshh. That's a bedbug. Jim: Yeah. Dwight: Everything's a joke. Jim: I know. Dwight: Check your hair! [checks Jim's hair] Jim: Ow. Dwight: God, oh. So greasy, you should just shave all this. Jim: Just check it. Dwight: You are clean. Okay... One thing a bedbug thrives on is heat and carbon dioxide [starts running in place and turning up the thermostat] I am going to generate myself into a human trap. [starts to take off clothes] When I jump into the bed, you are going to cover me with the sheet immediately. And then we'll see who's laughing. [dastardly laugh] Jim: Alright. Dwight: Yeah. [jumps into bed] Cover me! Cathy: Is this really nessecary? Jim: He knows what he's doing. Dwight: Let the bedbugs bite! Cathy: Ugh, god, I feel so gross. I have to go take a shower. Jim: Alright, then I will catch you later... What do we do now? Dwight: We wait. [Shower starts] Come to papa. Jim: Oh. [Packer and Nellie are speaking softly to each other. Gabe sprays his inhaler into Packer's drink.] Jim: I don't know, Dwight, I think maybe you should check again. Dwight: Nope, I wasn't bitten. Jim: Well, maybe it isn't warm enough in here. Dwight: Oh, it's plenty warm, and I was farting continuously under the sheet, creating a kind of greenhouse effect. Jim: Come on. Dwight: If there were any in here, They would've imbedded themselves in me. Jim: You know what? Maybe they just ate. Dwight: No, you're good. Clean bill of health! Besides I gotta get back downstairs. I left Packer alone with Nellie for way too long. Jim: Okay, they're fine. They're adults. Dwight: No, that's the problem. Packer is trying to bed Nellie for the VP job unless I do it first. Jim: Is that really how you want to get this job? Dwight: Such a chorus girl. Jim: Okay, Dwight... Dwight... Dwight, Dwight Dwight!... uh... Cathy: [in a bathrobe] Is crazy gone? [Jim does his signature face] [Nellie and Packer are dancing. Gabe winks at Dwight. Packer pukes all over Gabe's slacks and walks off.] Nellie: Oh! Gabe: They don't make these cords in boot cut anymore! Dwight: Euughh... Pathetic, huh? A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present... Hey. Cathy: Yeah, one death by chocolate, one bananas foster... Okay, cool. Thanks... I know, I'm a pig, right? Jim: Hmm? No. Cathy: [giggles] Wait, this why I exercise like a fiend. Feel. Seriously. Jim: Okay alright. [gets up] I'm really sorry, uh, I just have to say it. I'm-I'm married. I'm very happily married. Cathy: Oh my God, what are you thinking? Jim: um... I mean- Cathy: I know that you're married, I sat at your wife's desk. How little do you think of me? Jim: I'm sorry, I feel like maybe I'm-I'm I misread things. Okay, let's just go back to watching. Cathy: Can you... without running to the other side of the room all night? Jim: Yes, I can. [Cathy laughs] uh, all right. I'm really sorry. I think we'll just... we'll just watch. You can watch, not watch, whatever you want to do. Take another shower, I don't care. Cathy: Okay. [Sits next to Jim.] I am so cold. Jim: [Jim Face] Pam: Hey, Darryl. You okay? Darryl: She's got a boyfriend. Andy: Play it cool, man. She'll come around. Pam: No, you should go for it. I mean nothing would've happened with me and Jim if he didn't put himself out there. Andy: Yeah, but... My friend Jim would tell you to play it cool. Pam: My husband would tell you to go for it. Ryan: Hey. Erin: Hey. Ryan: Hey. Erin: Hey. Ryan: Hey, this is fun. Erin: A lot of fun. Ryan: I know. Can I give you a compliment? I'm really impressed by how much you've grown. Since I met you, it's like night and day. Erin: You should move down here with me. Ryan: Yeah? Erin: We could be roommates. Ryan: Really? Erin: We could get a dog. We could go to R-rated movies. And who knows, I mean, you're a guy, I'm a girl- Ryan: Yeah. Erin: Maybe in six months- Ryan: [louder] Six months?... um, okay, I'm in love with Kelly. Nellie: Put your forehead near mine, and see if you can read my thoughts. Dwight: Okay... Seven, one, one, nine... Nellie: No, no, no, not numbers, no. Dwight: No, okay. Nellie: No. Dwight: Try again... Ugh, I'm still getting numbers! Seven, one, one... is anyone around here thinking the numbers seven one one? 'Cause please stop, okay? Nellie: Dwight, give me a key card to your room. Meet me in seven minutes for some one-on-one time. Dwight: [gasps]Wait, the numbers! Nellie: Mm-hmm. Dwight: oh... Nellie: mm-hmm... Dwight: There you go. Nellie: I will see you in seven- Dwight: Seven minutes. [Dwight and Nellie kiss]... Nellie, wait. Let me write my room number on the card. [chuckles]. [Dwight writes on the key card scratches it with a magnet and hands it back to Nellie] Dwight: [in voiceover] Win at all costs, don't respect women. These are the tenets I was brought up with, and they have served me well. But my ancestors never worked in corporate America, and before that, hunters. And before that, time travelers. And before that, me again. At least, that's how the legend goes. The point is they never had to worry about how they got ahead. They just had to put food on the table and not alter the past. Angela: 1434-967, paid. Darryl: It has been processed. Val: It has been delivered. Pam: That's it, last one. [Everyone applauds] Kelly: Andy this has been an amazing night. Epic. Andy: Cool-down fiesta begins right now. I got decaf coffee... Phyllis: No way. Andy: I got Romy and Michele's High School Reunion... Val: Hey. I just wanted to apologize. I mean, that was so weird. Can we just, like, never talk about it again? Darryl: Sure. Val: Okay, thanks. Darryl: Hey, just so you know, me and you... I don't think that's ridiculous... Dot, dot, dot... dot, dot. [Jim walks into his room to find a bathrobe on the floor] Jim: All right. Now I think it's time for you to go. Cathy: What? Oh, Jim, I thought we talked about this. You're cool, right? Jim: Cathy, go. Dwight: [wearing face mask with spray chemicals in hand] Where's the bug? Jim: Awesome. Dwight: [sprays the bed and Cathy] Stand back! Cathy: Aah! Stop, it, oh my god! That burns! what is that?! Dwight: [continues spraying the bed] It's a compound of chemicals I pulled off the maid's cart! Cathy: [coughs and moans] Jim: Right there! [points to Cathy] Cathy: Oh stop it, stop it, stop it! Jim: [coughs] Oh, big one! Big one! Really big one! Cathy: I can't breathe! Dwight: I think I saw it! Cathy: Stop it! [runs out the door] Jim: Nice job, I think you got 'em. Dwight: You can't stay here, this place is a biohazard. If I were you, I'd just bunk with Cathy. Jim: [Jim face] Dwight: Second best Bananas Foster I've ever had. Jim: Oh yeah? What's the first best? Nellie: [at the door, unsuccessfully trying to open it with the demagnetized key card] Dwight? [knocks] Hello? Dwight? Jim: [whispers] Is that Nellie? Dwight: [whispers] Don't let-shh! Nellie: Are you in there? I can see the light on under your door. Hello? [knocks] [Dwight turns off the lights] Oh, look at that. The light went off, just as I said the light went on. Hello? [knocks] Dwight? [whispers] Dwight. [Dwight eats his Bananas Foster]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x16 - After Hours"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: Today is the test launch day for the inaugural Sabre store. Brr brr brr BRR [imitating trumpet] and I, Dwight Schrute, am in charge of the entire operation. If I can prove myself today and the store is a ht with the media and Nellie sees this, the vice presidency is mine. Ryan: Are you holding this chair? Dwight: Yes. Ryan: ‘cause I feel like I'm gonna fall off. Dwight: Yes. Yes. Ryan: I'm not wearing the right shoes for this. Dwight: We went over this, ok? Your tiny fingers make the best knots. Erin: Hey Strangers. So stoked for the Sabre store opening. Erin: Hey, my name's Tabitha. I'm camped out in front of the Sabre store so I can be first in line for the new Pyramid. Psst. It's me Erin. Dwight had me pretend to be a hipster to create hype, and it's working. There's already people camped out behind me. Nellie: Test launch day, people. Now, I would like to fill you in on a little secret about me to inspire you today. Now, I know you probably all think I'm this patrician goddess. But here's the truth. I was born in the little working class town of Basildon, and until the age of 32, [cockney accent] I talked like this, which was bloody horrendous, innit? I came from dirt, no lower than ... what's lower than dirt? Dwight: Loam, magma, mantle, outer core, inner core. Nellie: Yeah, thank you. Loam. Bloody loam, I came from. I ht rock bottom when I auditioned for the Spice Girls. I didn't even get a callback. Jim: Which Spice Girl? Nellie: The black one. I never stood a chance. Jim: Okay. Nellie: Now, think about my journey here today, and let it inspire your journey. Dwight: Okay. Nellie, thank you. Thank you so much. Todd Packer: Yep Dwight: Today is press day and press is gonna make or break this store. And for a tech company, press can only mean one thing – bloggers. Dossier on bloggers. Bloggers are gross. Bloggers are obese. Bloggers have halitosis. You're gonna love ‘em. Ryan is going to be the main event today. He is the pitchman who is going to give the feisty yet profound speech worthy of a world's fair. Ryan, you ready to do this? Ryan: When people see this presentation, they're gonna [bleep] in their pants. Dwight: Okay. Jim: Come on, man. Cathy: Seriously disgusting. Dwight: Cathy, you will be the hot girl who talks to bloggers. Cathy: Ugh. kll me. That was my idea. Dwight: Packer, you will be the sexual predator who has come to prey on the trendy teenage girls who are obsessed with the Pyramid. Todd Packer: Uh... Nellie: Uh... that is excellent. Todd Packer: I don't see what that gets us, but I'm a team player. Dwight: Perfect casting, right? Todd Packer: Schrute's out to get me. But I'm playing the long game. As soon as he messes up, I swoop in like a sexual predator. Nellie: I want to create a sense of wonder and enthusiasm as if, at the end of E.T., candy poured out of the screen. Do you understand? I wanna get goose pimples. Dwight: Speaking of pimples, let's release the BLOGGERS! Andy: Morning, everyone. Kevin: Oh, Andy, guess what happened to me this morning? Andy: Don't care. Tell me later. Kevin: Listen, it's important. You've gotta hear this. Andy: What do you got? Kelly: Oh, my god! Phyllis: Do you have a black eye? Andy: Yes, I do. Phyllis. Kevin: I woke up at 4 am by accident in time for the paper to be delivered. Guess what? Andy: What? Kevin: It's not a kid on a bike. It's a man in a car. Darryl: Andy, who punched you? Meredith: Hey, I was on the can. What's this about a black guy in the office? Angela: Black eye, Meredith. Kelly: Will someone please explain what's going on here? Since the interesting thing happened til now, so much time has passed, it's like my life is buffering. Andy: Here's what happened. Pam and I were arriving for the day. And there was a gng in the parking lot on bikes, on, on motorcycles. And they were just hassling Pam... Pam: That's true. Andy: They had, uh... wapon. Pam: wapon. Andy: I just stepped in to talk some sense into them. Pam: But these were not the kind of people who use their words. Andy: Punches were going, and I ducked a few, landed a couple, and I was fighting them off. It was totally, like, like, senseless crime. Pam: Thank goodness he was there. Oscar: Good job Andy. Kevin: Yeah [all murmuring] Andy: I didn't do anything any of you wouldn't have done. Dwight: Open the gates! There's plenty for everyone. No need to panic. There's plenty for everyone! Man: Quit it. Dwight: There's plenty. Don't stampede. No need to stampede, sir. Erin: I was ahead of you! Dwight: Okay, okay. Hey, hey. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine. There's plenty of Pyramids. Erin: Come on. I was in line before you. Cathy: So you're a blogger right? Blogger: Yeah. Blogger. Cathy: God, stay away. Oh, I always get in trouble around bloggers. I'm trying to be a good girl for once. Erin: Uh yeah. I already bought my Pyramid, but I don't want to leave yet. I haven't had so much fun since seeing... zoo-Ey Desh-channel at the Couch-arilla music festival. So fun. Oscar: How can we feel safe knowing that there are gangs here? We should call the police right now! Andy: No. Angela: Yes. Andy: No, no, no, no, no, we don't need to call the police. They'll just ask everybody questions, get up in everyone's business, right, Pam? Pam: Police are a hassle. We settled this on the street. Andy: And my eye will heal. But if the police come, then we will forever stain our neighborhood as a troubled area. Angela: Why would you care what the police think of our neighborhood? Andy: Because I have neighborhood Pride. 1-8-5-0-5. Pam: 1-8-5-0-5. Darryl: Guys, guys. That's so vague. You gotta do the zip plus four. 1-8-5-0-5 dash 7-4-2-7. Phyllis: Look, I don't feel safe. I think we should call the police. Angela: Yes. Andy: Exactly. We need to feel safe, which is why... Toby is giving us self defense training. Toby: Me? Andy: Right Toby? Will you teach us self defense? Toby: Yeah, um... I can't believe you remembered. I do self-defense. Um, I'll go put on my cup. Andy: Great. Nellie: Yes! Blogger: Okay. Nellie: I wasn't really sure which one of you is Chuck. Jim: [on phone] Yeah, no, it seems to be going great. Andy got bat up by a fifth grade girl? Blogger: Look at that guy. He's got his Sabre phone on, and he's not even using it. Blogger 2: This is a perfect photo for my Daily Fail blog. Jim: Uh, I - I gotta go. Okay. Nellie: Dwight, what is a fail? That sounds bad. Dwight: Oh, no, no, no. It's good. It's really -- on the Internet, it's a really -- that's a really good, good, thing. Dwight: Are you trying to sabotage this entire event? Jim: I'm very sorry. Nellie: We gave you an Arrowhead for free for the day. How hard would it have been to do this, hmmm? "Hello. Hi sweetie. It's Jim. I'm calling you from the new Arrowhead, which is why my voice is crystal clear. And my hand will never get tired because of the ergonomic shape." Jim: I'm really sorry. Is there anything I can do, maybe pretend to be Chuck? Dwight: You could have pretended to be Chuck. I begged you to pretend to be Chuck, but you chose to be yourself, and you can no longer be Chuck! Surrender the tripack. You know what you have to do. Dwight: Point it towards the store, idiot! Dwight: [laughs] You know what I mean? One of these buttons is -- damn it. Take over. Dwight: Oh hey, Hey, hey, you guys, you must be lost. Listen. Excuse me, sir. Yeah, the fountain where you can feed the pigeons is out behind the bank. Tell your great-grandson to bring his kid by. Okay. So long. Here we go. Erin! Psst! Come on! The elderly suck the life out of the young. Get them out of here! Erin: We are closed! Come on. Toby: Self-defense is not some fun boxing match, okay? This is about escaping with your life. So... strike, scream, and run. All right? Let's try it. Creed: [smacks Meredith's head] [screams] [runs out] Meredith: Ow. Toby: That may have been my fault. Meredith: What the hell, Toby? Toby: Okay, look, in a real crisis situation, you're not gonna have to time to think, okay? So just remember, I-A-A-T-G. "It's all about the groin." Andy: What if you're being attcked by a ... smallish man who happens to not have a groin? Toby: I don't think that's very common. Andy: What if you're being attcked by a 4'11" man who is penisless? Oscar: Why are you fixated on this hypothetical transgendered attacker? Andy: Why don't we start with the basics? Show us how to defend ourselves against a baby, and then like, a fifth grade girl, and then, you know, if we have time, on up to a scary man. Toby: Well, the most common scenario is a larger man attacking a smaller female. Andy: So in that scenario, what if the victim sucker-punches the attacker in the face? What can the attacker then do to better protect himself? Toby: It's interesting that you're drawn to the point of view of the attacker. You would like the turn of the table. Okay, the latest Chad Flenderman novel... [everyone groans] written from the point of view of his nemesis, Dr. Lucifer Wu. Angela: Can I please leave? I have a rpe flute. Toby: All right, well, let's try one simple technique together. Okay, why doesn't everyone stand? Okay, so... you're being attcked. You've got your hands up. Simple palm strike to the chin. Up to the chin. One, two. Everyone: One, two. Andy: [softly] Take that, kid. Dwight: Cathy, I would like to introduce you to Fatty Gruesome. He is a freelancer for Wired magazine. Lady Blogger: Patty Grossman. I'm a woman. Dwight: But you still work for Wired, right? Patty: Yes. Dwight: Good! Okay. Flirt away. Ryan: Sabre. It's time to come home. Jim: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think ...it seemed like you were a little nervous. Ryan: Yeah, no [bleep], Sherlock! Can somebody please tell me something encouraging about this presentation before I go out there in front of a million people and do it? Dwight: Okay. I know, I know, champ. Calm down, just listen. Ryan: You know what? Dwight: You just need to realize that so much rides on this. You have no idea. Jim: Dwight. Dwight: I'm trying to make him feel important. Ryan: God. I wish Kelly were here. She always knew what to say. Dwight: Um... [imitating Kelly] Oh, Ryan, you're so smart. You're smarter than Mark Zuckerberg and those Google guys all combined. Hee hee hee. Ryan: You're so ignorant. You barely know what you're talking about. That is so ridiculous. You really need to read a couple books. Dwight: What's a book? [giggles] Ryan: On my God. You're so embarrassing. My mom would say the best stuff, though. Jim: [ahem] You can... [slightly effeminate] You can do it Ryan. Ryan: And you know that I'm capable of this. Jim: You're the only one who can do it, s-sweetie. Ryan: What did you think of the presentation? Jim: I thought it was great, sweetie. I would just fix that one -- Ryan: Oh! "Fix" means you hate it! I knew it! I need something to drink! Dwight: Jim, get him a water. Ryan: No, not a water. A sports drink. I hate everything in that fridge. Not red! Get me something yellow or green from a nearby store. Not red! Dwight: Why are you just standing there? Go to a nearby store and get him a yellow or green sports drink! Toby: Now, if your attacker is willing to defile a corpse, you better stop playing dad right away and just make it known that you're alive. Lady: Forgive me for interrupting. I believe my daughter had an altercation with somebody here, some fancy gentleman with a squeaky voice? Andy: [deep voice] I think you guys might have the wrong Office. Girl: That's him... the guy I ht. Darryl: What? Oscar: You've gotta be kidding me. Kevin: Poor Andy! First you got bat up by a gng, and now she kicks your ass? Oscar: No, Kevin -- [sighs] Lady: What about the lady you ht with the pine cone? Girl: There. That chubby one. Pam: I just had a baby. Girl: Yesterday? Pam: Wow. Lady: Apologize. Girl: Sorry I kicked your ass in front of your "thin" girlfriend. Pam: How ‘bout we wait til next year after you have your kid? Lady: You know what? Tiffy's going to college. Andy: [deep voice] Listen, I don't know what you guys are talking about, but I guess I'll just accept your apology so we can get on with our day. Lady: God bless. Friend of mine uses your paper. You do good work. Bye bye. Kevin: Bye. Kelly: So, Toby, I think we should do a different self-defense seminar -- "How to protect ourselves against tiny little girls." Toby: There's no shame in getting beaten up by a girl. My ex-wife used to demolish me. Kelly: No, there is shame in it, okay? We have to draw the line somewhere. Darryl: Oh my God, I think I see the imprint of a ring pop. Andy: Oh... [Kelly laughing] Dwight: Have you seen Erin? Stanley: I'm on break. Dwight: Oh God... Hey no! Where do you think you're going? You've gotta stay for the big presentation we've got this young wiz kid -- Ryan. He's like an even more handsome Bill Gates. Blogger: When's the presentation? Dwight: It's moments away. Just stay here! Ryan: [on phone] Hey Uncle Lucas, it's your nephew Ryan. Honestly, I could use a prescription for ritalin right now. Well, I know you did one for Aunt Carol. Oh, so it's different because it's your wife? Well, that doesn't make any sense to me. Nellie: How you doing? Ryan: Don't talk to me right now. I'm sorry. I- I know you're my boss, but seriously, you need to get the hell out of my face. What I don't understand is... [voice fades] Nellie: [to Dwight] Your little man is unraveling. Now go and fix it. Erin: Sorry about kicking you out. It's just, we don't want our brand associated with death. Old Lady: It's okay. I'll go to the Costco and search for handsome men. Erin: You're not married yet? Old Lady: [laughs] Oh, I was. My husband was my best friend. He passed away. Erin: My best friend was my boss, Andy. We dated for a while, but since then, he rejected me, and we're not really friends. Old Lady: Someone rejected you? With that body and those bazongas? Forget him! Erin: Yeah! Forget him! And you should forget your husband. Old Lady: Well... Dwight: How long has he been in the bathroom? Jim: About ten minutes. Dwight: Jeez! What's he doing in there? [cell phone vibrates] Jim: Oops, that's my phone. Am I allowed to answer it or are you gonna freak out? Dwight: Are there any bloggers around? Jim: It's Ryan. "I'm sorry. I lied. I'm not in the bathroom. I can't do it. I need to see my mom. I'm going home." Nellie: What is the delay here? Where's Ryan? Why is he not here? Dwight: I had to send him home. As brilliant and creative as he is, he is nothing... compared to this guy! Jim: Uh... Nellie: What? Dwight: That's right. Will you just give us a second? Nellie: You are gonna bloody ruin it. You're gonna bloody ruin it because you're a no-good half-assed cock-eyed... Jim: okay. Nellie: That's.... Dwight: Jim -- Jim: I'm not doing the Presentation. Dwight: Look at me. Look at me! Look... at... this... face. This is not the face of a performer. This is the face of a scary apparition you see before you die. I'm telling you... if you don't do this, [whispers] I don't stand a chance. Please, Jim. Jim: Okay, I'll do it. Dwight: Oh, my God. O... Kay! Go get into Ryan's costume and check out his notes. Jim: A costume? Dwight: Of course there's a costume! [laughs] Oh, this is gonna be great. There's nothing like some last-minutes changes to really energize a presentation. Dwight: Did you pass out in there? What is taking so long? Jim: I've been in here for 20 seconds. Dwight: Hurry up. Let me in. I wanna watch you get dressed. Did you find the eyeliner? Jim: I'm not wearing eyeliner. Dwight: You are wearing eyeliner, Jim. [Coldplay's Clocks] Jim: Time. Space. Gender. [Dwight mouthing words] There are no rules anymore. All boundaries are breaking down in the wake of the infinite future. The only thing that -- the only thing that remain -- the only thing that remains are the things that have stood the test of time -- love, values, and of course, the pyramids -- the strongest shape ever constructed, a shape that fits all other shapes inside of it. [softly] No, that's -- Dwight: It's true. Jim: This... is the future, because... This is the past. I've been through a lot of issues in my life. I've seen drug addiction -- unemployment. I've been in a relationship that tore my heart apart, without ever being able to accept that love drove the pain. [scattered applause] Dwight: Yep. Jim: When I was ten years old, my parents took me to Disney world. I cried the whole time. I was not able to comprehend the beauty that was before me. I just wanted... to go home. This is what the Pyramid will do for you. It is the bridge to the world. It has a usb port. Wireless... will be available in 2013. You can play Anything from Chuck to Cars 2. With the Pyramid, you have the connection to everything -- in time... and space. Crowd: ahhhhhh Dwight: Psst. Jim: Oh. Ryan: [image on Pyramid] Sabre... It's time... to come home. Crowd: [applause] Jim: All right. Thank you so much. Wow. Wow! And good night! [applause continues] Jim: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Toby: Okay, this isn't over. Let's stay focused, okay? We made fun of Andy earlier for getting bat up by a little girl, but... little things can be dangerous. Kevin: Whether it's a gremlin or chucky the doll. The key is to throw it in something. Like a fireplace, or a tub of electricity. Toby: Okay. Good point... Angela: Good point? What is a tub of electricity? Toby: I don't... I don't... Oscar: With all due respect we know what we're defending against: a twelve year old female bully. Kelly: I was a twelve year old bully. Angela: Great! I think Kelly should attck Toby. Others: Yeah. Kelly: Yeah, that's not a bad idea, actually, because I have had a lot of pent up aggression. Angela: Thanks. Kelly: Good. Let's go. Toby: I don't know if this is gonna help...Uh... Angela: Let's go Kelly. Toby: We should stay to maybe some more traditional models... Kelly: You think you're so pretty! Well you're not gonna be so pretty come Prom time! Toby: Okay, this is what's called pre-violent posturing. Kelly: Take that! Not so pre-violent anymore! Toby: Okay, I'm at what's called "the decision point." Andy: Hey, hey, hey. Kelly Kelly, Kelly... come on.... Ow! God! My good eye! Pam: [laughs] Oh boy. Oh no, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at, um, something that Cece did on the playground earlier -- yesterday. This morning. Andy: You know why I got ht by girls? Because I stood up for others. Pam and for Toby. I stepped in and I didn't care that I was standing up to girls. You may wanna ask yourselves, "Where were you when the girls came?" Andy: Tough day. Yes. But I feel good. I put the office in their place, took a bunch of pain Kllers, drank a half a bottle of wine, took my pants off. I just feel good! Dwight: Okay, okay, I will be the first to admit it. We could have integrated more Chuck into the Presentation. Nellie: Dwight. You're the vice president. Dwight: Ha, ha, ha, ha! Yeah! Nellie: [squealing] Dwight: Okay! Come on! Nellie: aagh! Dwight: Hah! Yah! [kicking and punching the air] Boom!	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x17 - Test The Store"}	foreverdreaming
Andy: [exiting office] Everyone stop what you're doing, I have terrible news. Dwight is no longer with us. Everyone: [gasps] What?! Why is that? Andy: He's gone, damn it! He's been promoted to VP of Sabre Retail and he's staying in Florida forever. Angela: So, he's alive. Andy: Yeah. That was him on the phone. He sounds wonderful. Angela: Well, the way you said it made it sound like he was dad. Andy: How could I have been more clear? He had a massive stroke [slight pause] of good fortune and he is now in a better place. Phyllis: If Dwight's not coming back, does that mean we can open his treasure? Oscar: You guys, we've gone over this, there is no treasure. [Erin retrieves the "treasure box" and slams it down on Dwight's desk] Oscar: When the team left for Tallahassee, Dwight told everyone not to touch his treasure. [cut to Dwight holding treasure chest and telling the office "Don't touch my treasure. Ok, you understand?"] Obviously he wants us to obsess about it. There's nothing in there. [has realization] Which is obviously what he would want us to think, making it the perfect place to hide a treasure. Oh god, I'm Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride. Andy: I think that Dwight wanted us to realize that this conversation among friends is the true treasure. [everyone disagrees] Oscar: I am dying to know what's in there. Andy: Yeah, I know, Oscar we all are but nobody's gonna open it. You'd have to be insane. [everyone turns to look at Creed] Creed: Hi, hello. Andy: [to Creed standing in front of the "treasure box"] Now, carefully... open the box. Creed: [opens box, pulls out and displays contents] It's a photo of all of us. Pam: Aw, that's so sweet! [dart fires out of box and lodges in ceiling] Dwight: [feigning surprise] A dart? Are you kidding me? Who would put a poison dart, well, I mean, I don't know that it's poison. I mean, I just have to imagine. God, I'm glad he's OK though. Kinda sounds like he deserved it, opening another man's treasure and all. Wow! Dwight: [on a golf course] Well, mister ball, it's been a pleasure. Now, give my regards to hell. Da! [hits ball] Nellie: Oh, all right! Well swung my VIP VP. Robert California: I am loving the chemistry between you two. Nellie: I am so happy Dwight is gonna be working alongside me. We are a regular Archibald and his man George. Robert California: I bet. I'm excited. Nellie: Trick... there's no such thing. It's not even a real English duo. Dwight: Ah! Nellie: I just made you look like the goat of Dover. And that doesn't exist either. Dwight: [to Robert] You think you're excited? You should feel my nipples. [Robert gives a fake laugh] Jim: Oh, that reminds me. [reaching into golf cart] Little something from all of us. [hand Dwight a small wrapped gift] Dwight: [sarcastically] Oh my gosh, thank you Jim, that's so thoughtful. [sets gift on golf tee] Four! [smashes gift] Oh yeah! Nellie: He doesn't even care. Dwight: Don't even care! Jim: This is the last time I'll ever see Dwight. It's a weird feeling, it's, um, what's the word? It's not, it's not bittersweet. It's uh... sweet. Yeah. Darryl: [entering Andy's office] Hey, man. Selling cookies for Jada. Want the same as last year? Andy: Would if I could. And I can so I will. Put me down for one box. Don't care what it is, dealer's choice. Darryl: I'll put you down for shortbreads. Andy: Damn it. Toby: [entering Andy's office] Knock, knock. Hey, Sasha's first year in the troops, so I'm selling cookies for her. Anyway, would you like some? Darryl: No. No. Toby: What? Darryl: I been selling here for five years. This is my spot. Toby: You can't claim territories. This is the only place I interact with people. Can't you sell at your church or barber shop? [Darryl looks hurt] Or chess club, or? Darryl: You know what? It's your first time, let's split the office. You can have sales, the annex, Creed, and I don't know I'll just take, uh, accounting. Toby: That's it? Yeah, well, ok. Thanks Darryl. Darryl: OK, great. Darryl: [exits Andy's office smiling] All I need is Kevin. Dude buys more cookies than everyone combined and then some. [Kevin waves at him] When I first started selling cookies he was a relatively thin man. Not a thin man, mind you. Relatively thin. Erin: [entering a home carrying groceries] Hellosi, I'm home, babaloo. Elderly Woman: [rises from chair] Oh, here let me help. Erin: [spilling groceries] I got it. It was so busy at the store today. Really good cheese samples. I had, like, a hundred. Erin: Irene hired me as her live-in helper. We met at the store launch. I told her I was moving here and I needed a place and it just sort of made sense. I basically do everything for her. [Erin randomly adds an assortment of pills to a weekly pill box] I run errands. I do chores around the house. I cook and clean. Honestly, I don't know how she survived without me. Irene: When can I introduce you to my grandson? He's a wonderful swimmer. Shallow end, deep end. He does it all. Erin: Well, today might be kind of tough, Irene. I have to talk to my old boss, Andy, and tell him I'm staying in Florida. [hands Irene a mug] Irene: [takes mug] Thank you. [takes a sip] Oh, what kind of tea is this? Erin: Oh, I boiled some Gatorade. Nellie: [misses putt] Ah. In England, they put the holes a little bit to the right, you see. We'll just chalk it up to cultural bias. Robert California: If I may, [assists Nellie] try holding the putter... yeah, with your wrists here. And your thumbs here. Nellie: Oh. Robert California: That's right. Your little finger. Darryl: [approaches Kevin] Would you like to buy some cookies? Kevin: Cookies, eh? Kevin: [singing] Oh, the springtime thinks that it's the best. And fall time thinks that it's the best. Cold time has, kind of a strut. And Valentine's thinks that it's the best. But gather round, peeps, I'll tell you the truth. Nothing beats the cookie season, that's the truth. Darryl: [Kevin scratches cookie order form and sniffs it] It's not a scratch-and-sniff, Kev. Kevin: I know. But sometimes you still get a little something. Toby: [to Darryl] Hey, you tricked me. You just wanted Kevin. Darryl: You're new to the game. You learned a lesson today. See you next year, sport. Toby: No, no, no. It's not fair. What if Kevin wants to buy cookies from me? Kevin: I do. Toby: See? Darryl: That doesn't mean anything. [to Kevin] Kevin, do you want to buy cookies from me? Kevin: Oh, I definitely do. Darryl: [to Toby] Huh. ht the road, jack. Toby: No, you ht the road, jack. Kevin: [looking pleased] Hey guys, come on. Don't fight over me. Toby: You know, why don't we split the order? It's only fair. Kevin: No. Wait, no. I'm buying, I make the rules. I actually do want you to fight over me. I wanna be wined and dined and... 69ed. Angela: Ugh. Kevin: Metaphorically 69ed. Ew. Perverts... no offence Oscar. [Oscar looks flabbergasted] Nellie: Hop in, we have places to be. No rest for the wicked. Jim: [to Dwight] All right. So... I guess this is it. Dwight: Well, Jim, I just want to say that we haven't always got along and at times, I've even hated your guts. But...[smiles] bye, bye. I win. Jim: [attempts to shake Dwight's hand] Goodbye, Dwight. Dwight: [drops golf ball into Jim's open hand] Robert, race you to the clubhouse, gentlemen's bet. Woohoo! [takes off in golf cart] Jim: Well, he's Florida's problem now. Robert California: I'll let Dwight have his fun. Today will not be his day. Jim: What's that? Robert California: I'm gonna tnk the Sabre store at the presentation to the board. Jim: I thought you liked the store? Robert California: Well, the store is lovely. You created a wonderful space to showcase our product line. Great job. Cheers. Jim: Thank you. Robert California: But, there's a reason we sell our products online and over-the-phone. Have you ever used Sabre electronics, Jim? [Jim shakes head] They're cheap. They're unintuitive. The Sabre store would work if we adopted the carnival model of leaving town once everyone's wives do us. Jim: Wow. When you put it that way, I guess it does sound pretty terrible. Robert California: I couldn't just kll the project from the start. Jo Bennett endorsed it. Shame though, I did like Dwight. Dwight: [from distanced golf cart] Robert! I'm gonna win, ha ha, I'm the gentleman! Suck it! Robert California: [to Dwight] Bravo, Dwight! Very good! [Jim looks surprised] [to Jim] Shame. Dwight: [at Sabre headquarters] The math is simple folks. Deeper market penetration, plus greater visibility, will raise Sabre [Nellie emerges from behind Dwight] [together] to the power of two. Nellie: How did that look? Gabe: I'm not just saying this, that was the best thing I've ever seen. Dwight: [to Nellie] I told you. Todd Packer: When you guys do that whole power of two shebang, how 'bout I pop up also? I guess we'd have to say 'power of three'. Hm, actually, you know what, yeah, that actually works. [to Nellie] You'd spin off right. I'd spin off- Dwight: You know what? That is a great idea. Cathy, write that down and print it out. It's gonna make some really good toilet paper. Jim: [enters room] All right. There he is. Dwight: What are you doing here? I thought I got rid of you? Jim: Can I just talk to you for one quick second? Dwight: What, your stylist ran out of 'messy spray'? [others laugh] Jim: Um, actually it's, it's for your own good. I think maybe we should- [gestures toward hallway] Dwight: You want to do something for my own good? Turn around, walk out that door, do not stop 'til you get to Scranton, find my cell phone charger, mail it back to me, and then go hell. [others laugh] Todd Packer: Nice. [To Jim] Hey, Halpert, anyone ever tell you you look like Wooly Willy? Dwight: [to Packer] Silence. Todd Packer: Aw, I'm just trying to- Dwight: [interrupts] I know what you're trying to do, I don't want it. [to Jim] But your face does look like the guy from Operation. Todd Packer: That's... that's the same guy. It's the joke I made. Dwight: Different guy. Jim: You know, I just think you should know that- Dwight: [interrupts] That you look like the world's tallest hobbit. [others laugh] Jim: Well, I tried. [gestures the meeting room] You saw it, so, it's on the record. I have a plane to catch. Erin: Can you help me? I'm trying to make a video chat with Andy. Irene: Just open the program and type in his user name. Erin: Can you just do it? Irene: [after briefly typing] Here, type in your password. Erin: 'Erin123' Irene: That's a terrible password. And you don't 'make a video chat', you video chat. Erin: [annoyed] All right. Andy: [video chat begins, Andy's head enters the screen from the side] Hello? Erin: That's so weird. There's something wrong with my laptop. [turns laptop on its side] Oh. I fixed it. Andy: Oh, now mine's broken. Hang on. [turns his laptop on its side while lying on desk] Oh, there we go. Pam: [on phone with Jim] He said, 'I did like Dwight'? He's gonna fre him. Jim: No, no, I think it was more like, 'you know, I liked him, but I don't anymore because he did a bad job, so I'm definitely gonna yell at him'. Pam: Robert doesn't talk like that. You have to stop Dwight from doing this. Jim: I tried. He will not listen. Pam: Did you actually try your hardest? Jim: Yes... my pretty hardest. Look, you haven't dealt with him in awhile, all right. He's like super Dwight. It's like he's been bitten by a radioactive Dwight, or som- Stanley, back me up. Stanley: Don't talk to me. Jim: Stanley's very upset that we're leaving Florida. But he would back me up. Pam: If Dwight's about to get fired, you have to tell him. Just get the words out. That's all you can do. Jim: OK. All right. Darryl: [to Kevin] What's a skinny guy like Toby know about cookies? You can't trust him to understand the wants and needs of the thick man. Maybe Toby from two years ago. Phyllis: [laughs] Yeah. Kevin: That's true. If I have a question about my cookies at midnight, who am I gonna call? Darryl. Toby's probably in bed with some model. Darryl: Thank you. Toby: I'm, I'm not gonna comment on my personal life. Darryl: Look, I need this. Ok? Your daughter is a pretty little girl. Let her go door-to-door. You think people gonna buy cookies from my [hesitates] chubby daughter? Phyllis: Oh. [looks away] Darryl: Baby, if you're watching this, you're not chubby, you're beautiful. Daddy's just got to sell some cookies. And we're also gonna exercise more. It's gonna be fun. Kelly: [to Kevin] Oh, you know what you have to do? To decide? You need to make them do things for you. And, like, buy you things. Pam: Or have them sing that song! That the frog does in Looney Tunes. Phyllis: Make them kiss each other. Meredith: Make them kiss me. [everyone 'ew's] [Toby and Darryl look at each other] Erin: Yes, this is too tan. This right here- Andy: No. Erin: This is a tanned spot. Andy: I don't buy it. It, that is a freckle. That is not a tan, ok? I'm gonna have to inspect it in person when you get back here. I want you looking totally 'puerto ricania' when i see you. Erin: Well, Andy, I'm not coming back. Andy: What? Erin: I have a job here. I work for an old lady. [turns laptop to put Irene into view] Irene: [waves] Hello! Erin: Andy? Andy: Yeah, that's awesome. That's great. Kevin: [Toby and Darryl perform Hello! Ma Baby] This is tough. 'Cause Darryl, you sang better and you dance better but Toby has that indescribable quality that makes a star. I think I've reached my decision. I have decided... that you guys are gonna keep doing things for me. Darryl: No, no, no, no. It's not worth it. Toby: No. Kevin: No, it's not worth it? That's too bad. 'Cause I was feeling particularly hungry this year. Darryl: Yeah, ok so what, you buy 40 boxes? Kevin: Hungrier. Toby: 50? Kevin: Hungrier. Darryl: You're not talking... triple digits? Kevin: Oh yeah, I'm talking triple digits. [folds arms satisfied while Toby and Darryl look at each other] Again. [both start performing Hello! Ma Baby again] Dwight: [straightens tie in mirror] Showtime. Jim: [enters abruptly] Dwight. Dwight: You again? Gosh, I keep throwing you away, you keep flying back here. You're like an Amish return stick. Jim: OK, great, listen to me. Listen to me. [Dwight makes funny gesture] No, no, I know. Will you just let me tell you one thing, please? Dwight: Yes, you may tell me one thing. Wait, you want to borrow money? Jim: Listen to me. Robert is going to veto the Sabre store. Dwight: [rolls eyes] Jim, come on. Jim: Dwight, he's gonna kll the store. Dwight: Uh-huh. Jim: And then, I'm pretty sure he's gonna fre you for it. Dwight: Wait. [holds up fingers] He's gonna kll the store? And he's gonna fre me? Jim: Yes. Dwight: [smiles] That's two things. Jim: Dwight, please. Dwight: Nice try, Jim. Your pranks have never worked in the past and they're not going to work today. Jim: OK, first of all, they've mostly worked, so- Dwight: You know what? You might want to get to the airport. It's gonna take you a long time to get through security with all those beauty products. Bye. Jim: Dwight, come o- Dwight: Nothing is gonna stop me. That is the mark of a great man. Unstoppability. Dunder-Mifflin, the farm, Mose, all those things vanish in my rearview mirror. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with destiny. And from what I hear, she's a slu- Ah![Jim tackles Dwight] Dwight: [Jim holds him back and tries to cover his mouth] Help! Help! Jim: Gross! Don't lick my hand! God, why is there so much saliva? Dwight: AlI had to do was think about pie and my salivary glands did the rest. Jim: Gross! Dwight: [attempting to break from Jim's grasp] Ah! Jim: What? What, what, what, what, what? Dwight: [clutching side] Oh, god! You... oh! My appendix- Jim: I'm sorry. Dwight: My wound hasn't healed yet. Jim: I'm so sorry, I forgot. Dwight: Oh, man! Jim: You all right? You ok? Dwight: [stops whining and charges Jim] Rrrah! Nellie: [to Cathy] Where the hell is he? I cannot do this without him. Cathy: I don't know. He's not picking up. Todd Packer: Well, looks like Shnoot's a no-show. Guess he wasn't vice presy material after all. But I am. Put me in, babe. I got the info down backwards, forwards, and doggy-style. I'm your man. Nellie: [considers and decides on Packer] Right, let's begin then. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the vice president of Sabre Retail, Mr. Todd Packer. Todd Packer: Sup? Phyllis: [notices Andy boxing up things from Erin's desk] What are you doing? Andy: I'm just dealing with Erin's stuff since apparently she's not coming back. And she didn't bother to tell anyone. Oscar: We knew. Ryan told us. Andy: Ryan, why didn't you tell me? Ryan: Thought you checker my Tumblr? Andy: You never update it. Ryan: Well, I updated it. Andy: Does anyone else think this is weird? And like, kind of uncool, actually? To leave us without a receptionist? Pam: We'll find another receptionist. I mean, that's easy. We'll be fine. [Andy nods reluctantly] Dwight: [trying to get around Jim] Huh, huh, huh! [slides between Jim's legs] Jim: What are you doing? Dwight: I was trying to go- Jim: Get up. Dwight: Ok, ok. Jim: Get up. All right? I'm not gonna let you by. Dwight: Then you know what? I'm just gonna have to run right through you. Jim: OK. [Dwight runs in place] What are you doing? Are you really revving up? you know that doesn't work. Dwight: [tries to jump off wall] Jackie Chan! [falls and groans] Kevin: [holding mobile phone up] Go. Darryl: [in a feminine voice] Hi. This is Alex. Toby: [in feminine voice] And this is Sam. Darryl: [in a feminine voice] Kevin can't come to the phone right now because he's busy with us. Kevin: Perfect! Now people will think I'm doing hot girls all day. Darryl: I don't know, man, they might think we're drag queens. Toby: Yeah, I don't know why you picked names that are also guys' names. Kevin: Okay, now who do I ride to the kitchen like a pony? Toby: Don't make me be your pony, Kevin. Darryl: Forget it, man. Kevin: What do you mean? Darryl: I'm out. And so is Toby. Darryl: This may be wrong. But there's a limit to what I would do for my child. Toby: Yeah. I have my dignity too. I refuse to be another man's horsey. Kevin: No guys, stop! You have to sell me cookies. I'll do anything. [starts performing Hello! Ma Baby] I'm even gonna kiss Meredith. [kisses Meredith] That is... hmph... that's ah... so good. [almost in tears Meredith pulls him toward her by his tie] Jim: [tackled by Dwight] What are you doing? No. No, no, no. Dwight: This. Ends. Now. Jim: This is dangerous. Dwight: [picks Jim up] Rrahh! [both fall] Jim: Why? Dwight: Anything else you need to talk about? Jim: Nope. I think that was it. [Dwight gets up and walks away] Dwight: [looking disheveled in mirror] Once again, it's show time. Robert California: What baffles me is how you could take a perfectly good idea, [Dwight enters] which the great Jo Bennett rightfully signed off on, and then utterly botch it in execution. Todd Packer: If I may speak to that, I have only been vice president of this project for the last half hour, so the man you want is Dwight Shrute. Robert California: I don't see Dwight. He clearly had the infinite wisdom to stay as far away from this clown show as possible. Nellie: Whatever you do, do not blame Todd Packer. It is not his fault. Blame his upbringing, his parents, the society that would mold this idiotic creature. f*re the employee, yes... but not the man. You may not cancel his soul. Robert California: That was never on the table. Todd Packer: [to Nellie] Are you kidding? [to Robert] She's the queen of the whole freaking Magilla! Robert California: And yet Todd, it's you who's fired. Todd Packer: What, you, I, I can't get fired. I'm an institution. I have been at this company for 20 years. How many of you have been here that long, huh? [Dwight exits meeting room and helps Jim up] Darryl: [Dwight and Jim enter office] Hey, hey. They're back. [Everyone greets them] Kelly: Dwight, what are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in Florida? Jim: Yeah, the crazy thing about that is, um, wow you look great. Did you lose some weight? Kelly: Thank you, for someone who actually notices this. No, I didn't lose weight. But I started using my makeup to contour my face to look skinnier. I actually put on five pounds. Phyllis: [to Stanley] Hey! Good to have you back. Stanley: [insincerely] Good to be back. Pam: [to Jim] Hey, stranger! Jim: Hey. Pam: Aw, I missed you. Jim: I missed you. [they embrace and kiss as Andy watches on sadly] Pam: Aw. Andy: I'm going to Florida to get Erin. [grabs coat, runs out, then returns] Forgot to turn off my email. It's crazy, right? It's just, when she said she was leaving, I felt so- [looks at computer frustrated] 'You're about to close four tabs, are you sure you want to continue?' Yes. I am sure. Ah, slow computer!	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x18 - Last Day In Florida"}	foreverdreaming
Pam: [telephone ringing] This is Pam. Oh my God, are you sure? Uh, okay. Okay, um, we'll be right there. Everybody, the balloon is falling. Kevin: Nice. Pam: There's this balloon that has been floating in the rafters of the warehouse for, like, ever. And, okay, it's not -- it doesn't sound cool. You just have to see it. Pam: Well, I guess it doesn't look that cool either. But, it's been up there a long time, so it's become a pretty big deal. Jim: Wow. It's the end of an era. Pam: Did a good job, Buddy. Now it's time to come home. Oscar: I remember when that balloon went up there. I was still with Gil. We were so happy. Kevin: When that went up there, I had hair like Rapunzel. Ryan: How long do you think it's been up there, Kevin? Kevin: I just remember pushing aside my silky bangs to say, "Look, a balloon." Dwight: My warcraft clan was still on speaking terms. Meredith: My kid didn't have a face tattoo. Darryl: I was still thinking of going back to school. Jim: And I was still just a paper salesman. Dwight: Well this has been fun, Pam. Thanks for calling us all down here. [everyone sighs] All: kll the balloon. kll the balloon. kll the balloon. kll the balloon. kll the balloon. [pops loudly] [cheers and applause] Jim: Hey. So they accidentally gave us an extra egg sandwich this morning. Who wants it? Kevin: oooh Darryl: Me. Phyllis: Yeah. Dwight: Right here. Nellie: Allow me to solve your problem, then. Jim: Nellie Nellie: Mmm. [bites sandwich] Oh, that is disgusting. Do you call that a King James breakfast pie? Jim: What brings you to town? Nellie: Certainly not the Harry Houdini Museum. What a nobody. Oh look, some Hungarian just found their way out of a sack. Let's build a shrine. No, I've come to work here. Dwight: What? Dwight: How could Robert transfer Nellie here after the Sabre store debacle? She stinks of failure. The fact that she could show her face around here is an embarrassment. I should know. I'm in an identical situation. Toby: Robert did say you'd be joining us. Welcome. I'm Tony. Nellie: Mm. Pam: What? Toby: I- I said I'm Tony. Okay I made a mistake. I thought it might go unnoticed. But uh, I'm Toby. Pam: You messed up saying your name? Toby: It happens, okay? Uh, so let's just find an empty desk for you, and uh, I'm sure Robert will be with you as soon as he gets in. Nellie: That one looks empty. Jim: No, that's Andy's office. Nellie: Oh, is it? Nellie: I have one simple philosophy in business: if the seat is open, the job is open. It's how I came to briefly race a formula one car. The three slowest laps ever recorded. Erin: Another beautiful day in Tallahassee. Ooh. Good morning, Alonzo. Alonzo: Good morning Erin. [driving by delivering newspapers] Erin: How are you? How's your family doing? Erin: Bye. Erin: Look at this place! Five rooms, and I get to clean them all. That's right. I'm a maid for an old lady. Her grandson's staying with us too because he ran out of money. [chuckles] Listen to me, bragging away. Robert: Nellie. Nellie: Robert. Robert: How are you adjusting to life in Scranton so far? Nellie: So far, so good. Robert: Good. Nellie: Water pressure in the hotel is marvelous. Robert: Ah, well, it is astounding what a difference that can make, isn't it? Nellie: Mm-hm. Robert: Now. Let's find you something fun to do here, shall we? Nellie: Oh, I've already found it. I am manager, a natural next step. It fits like a glove. Robert: We have a manager. Nellie: Do you really? Because it is 10:00. I've been in this chair for an hour, and no other manager has come and sat in my lap. Robert: Excuse me, has anyone seen Andy this morning? Kevin: Huh. Yeah, that's weird. He's usually here by now. Right guys? Andy: [on phone] Hello. Robert: Andy, it's Robert. Why aren't you at work? Andy: Hey, Robert. Ah, I really wish I could come in to work today, but I'm super sick. Robert: I don't care, I don't care. Please come to work immediately. Andy: Okay, I'll try to come in even though I'm really sick with the... Andy: [standing in ocean] ...Florida Flu. Robert: He just hung up on me mid-sentence. Andy: I'm in Florida to get Erin. As soon as I heard she wasn't coming back to Scranton, I jumped straight in my car and drove straight down till I ht the ocean. My heart is my map. Turns out, Tallahassee is about 200 miles inland, so I overshot a good amount. But still, not bad for a heart map right? [picking up dad fish] Oh, no. Thanks a lot, BP. Robert: Not much we can do about this until he gets here. Jim: Can't you do something about this? Robert: Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim. Jim: -Right. Jim: What is going on? And where's Andy? And what is going on? Irene: Erin, you got a package. Erin: I'm in the bathroom. Glenn: Where's the postage? I mean, there's no shipping label. Irene: Did you wash your hands? Erin: Yes. Erin and Irene: [screaming as Andy busts out of box] Andy: [singing] Here I am; Signed, sealed, delivered; I'm yours! Erin: Andy, what are you doing here? It's great to see you. Andy: Uh, I am here to take you back to Scranton. Because I love you and I want to be with you. Irene: Where's the ring? Andy: Hm? Irene: Where's the ring, Lancelot? Erin: Uh, would you guys mind if we talked privately for a second? Sorry, Glenn. Erin: Um, Andy... I am so happy to see you. But I'm not coming back with you. Glenn: [whispering off screen] Why won't she go with him? Irene: [whispering] I don't know. Maybe it's 'cause he's not that handsome. Erin: Hey... don't listen. Nellie: So what is going on? That does seem to be the question, doesn't it? [in American accent] Hey, this is messed up, bro. Who is this weird lady? [normal voice] I know. It's a lot. So, who knows what's going on? Anyone? You, yes. Wait, I am very good at intuiting names. Is it... chumbo? Jim: I think it's a cross between Dumbo and Jumbo, with a hint of chubby. It's not a name. Nellie: So no one can tell me what's going on. Well, let me illuminate things for you. We are getting to know each other. [in American accent] But why, m'lady? [in normal voice] Because I am your new manager. Pam: Robert, is Nellie our new manager? Robert: [laughs] This is an odd situation. But it's very interesting how it's playing out. Robert: We live in this world of routines and rhythms. Kevin ate someone's lunch. Phyllis has a new necklace. Who is this woman? Nellie: I came in here simply trying to get to know you, learn your names, maybe have someone teach me the company song. And what I got in return was nothing but disrespect. You leave me no choice but to get to know you in a more intimate way. Kevin: Hot tub party? Nellie: Performance reviews. Pam: How can you give us performance reviews if you don't know us? Nellie: On first impressions, so I recommend smiling. It goes a long way with me. Glenn: Erin, you really nailed the hot dogs today. Erin: Oh, thanks. I've been re-using the hot dog water so it gets more flavor. It's only going to keep getting better. Irene: So, Andrew, how does your skinny brunette girlfriend Jessica feel about you visiting your ex-girlfriend? Andy: Well, we're not really dating anymore, so... basically, I mean, I just have to cross a few Ts and dot a few I's, you know. Erin: So you came to get me, but you still have a girlfriend. Irene: I think you should leave, young man. Andy: All right. Technically, yes, I am still technically dating Jessica. But when I realized that I wanted you back, I just jumped in the car and I drove down here, and I didn't want to stop until I saw you. Erin: You didn't even stop to pee? Gross. Jim: Any luck? Pam: No. He just keeps letting all the calls go to voicemail. Andy: [on phone message, singing] Please leave a message for Andy Bernard, include your na- Erin: Oh, you're doing so good. Oh my God, you're superman over there. [Andy's phone vibrating] Irene: You should take it. It's probably your girlfriend wondering where you are. Andy: Nope. It's just work. Not important. You know, I can really feel this is my quads, I can tell I'm getting stronger. Irene: You really wouldn't feel those kinds of results after one session. Andy: I don't know. [phone vibrating] Just let it vibrate. It's fine. Irene: You could put it on silent. Andy: I don't think it does that. Irene: Just go to preferences, then click – Glenn: [answering Andy's phone] Proctology. Jim: [on phone] Andy? Andy: Jim? Jim: Andy, where are you? Andy: I- I'm home in bed. I've been in bed all day. I got the-- I got the serious poops, man. Irene: He's here in Tallahassee, trying to turn my life upside down. Jim: What? You're in Florida? Andy, Nellie Bertram's trying to take your job. Andy: What do you mean, take my job? Jim: Like, set up camp in your office and is calling herself the manager. Andy: Okay... Jim, I really appreciate you looking out for me, but I'm not coming home without Erin. So I'll talk to you later. Jim: Guys, we cannot do these performance reviews, okay? If we go into them, you're basically accepting Nellie as your manager, and trust me, you do not want her as your manager. Angela: Trust you? The way Pam trusted you to provide for her so she wouldn't have to work? Pam: I like working here. Jim: Dwight, should she be our manager? Dwight: I wouldn't let her manage a celery farm. Dwight: Those who can't farm, farm celery. Jim: And when was the last time Dwight and I agreed on anything ever? [clears throat] Nellie: All right. Let's get going. First up, it is the woman with the beautiful fingernails and the tiny feet, Phyllis. Phyllis: Nellie, I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable being evaluated by someone I don't know. Nellie: Oh. Oh, okay. I understand. Let me show you how these are gonna go. Dwight. Dwight: I refuse to be judged by someone that I do not respect. I lost respect for you in Florida. If it was up to me, you would be in jail forever. Nellie: Dwight, I have completed your evaluation. You're getting a raise. Dwight: What? Nellie: Dwight, you carry this company on your massive shoulders. You are our Atlas, and for that do you not think you deserve a raise? Dwight: There's no limit to what I think I deserve. Nellie: Then you accept it? Dwight: Five percent. No less. Nellie: Absolutely not. Seven percent. Dwight: Six percent, I know my worth. Jim: The raise isn't real. Dwight: Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard. Nellie: So Phyllis, now you know the rules of the game. Would you care to have a go? I'm fairly certain you're going to like it. Pam: Phyllis. Phyllis: Pam. Nellie: So, Phyllis, I have been very impressed with you. Phyllis: Really? Nellie: Oh, yeah. The way you conquered your fear and came in here, and now the way you sit there... all very impressive. Jim: Um... are you aware that Nellie is giving out raises? Robert: I am not. Huh. Jim: Yeah. She gave one to Dwight, Phyllis. Robert: Let me guess, you want one too? Take the family to Disneytown? Jim: Land. World. Uh, it's not that I don't want a-- well, yes, I guess I'd take a raise. That's not what I'm saying. That's not-- sorry. Robert: Jim, I told Andy to come in, and yet he is still not in. By contrast, Nellie Bertram saw a vacuum and filled it. To make no mention of her business experience or her relationship with Jo Bennett, my boss. Jim: Yes. Robert: Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor? Jim: Oh, god, nature, please. Robert: When two animals are having sex, one of them... Jim: [exhales sharply] Robert: ... is communicating a message to the other. Nothing is mutua-- this isn't very helpful. You're gonna want to hear the sexual metaphor. Jim: Was that not the-- Robert: All life is sex. And all sex is competition. Jim: Mm-hm. Robert: And there are no rules to that game. That wasn't so perverted, now was it? Jim: Was that it? No, that wasn't bad. Robert: My point is, there is one person in charge of every office in America, and that person is Charles Darwin. In the end, doesn't he decide who the manager is? Jim: No. I would've said no. Nellie: Mm, let's see, review, review, review. Yes, good stuff. Here you go, have a raise. Kelly: Oh, great. Jim: I mean, if we go in there and take these raises, what are we saying? That it's okay for someone to just take someone else's job? Shouldn't work like that. Dwight: No, you know what? Nellie's right. That is exactly how it should work. Darryl, this office is mine now. Darryl: No. Dwight: Yes. Darryl: No. Dwight: Yes. Darryl: No. Dwight: Yes. Darryl: No. Dwight: Yes. Darryl: No. Dwight: Yes. Yes, sorry too late. I'm here. This is mine. Back off. Dwight: [Darryl grabbing him by his hair, dragging him from office] Ow! Ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow, Ow. Dwight: [panting] Well fought. I accept the outcome. Creed: Touch me and I'll sue. Erin: I've heard that's amazing when it works. Andy: Yeah, if I had my own-- Erin: Andy, I care about you and I think-- Andy: --sorry, you go. Erin: No, go ahead. Andy: Well, I was just going to say that, if I had my own fountain, it would be two frogs that are spitting into each other's mouth. It's just stupid. What were you going to say? Erin: Andy, you broke my heart. Do you know what it feels like to be constantly rejected by you and to have to watch you date someone else? Andy: You broke my heart too. Erin: You broke my heart more recently and more often. And I think at some point, in my head, it just sort of clicked that we're not meant to be. Andy: I'm so sorry that we have not loved each other at the same time. Erin: I know. Andy: [sighs] Nellie: So, Pamela, I'm going to start this review, not by telling you what you lack, but rather, asking you what it is you want. Pam: Really? Okay, well, um, I like consistency in the manager's position, no weird silent coups. Stuff like that. I'm easy. Nellie: That's not really what you want. What you want is a good night's sleep, working mother of two. Pam: Whoa, that's kind of condescending. Would you say something like that to Jim? Nellie: Does Jim have to breastfeed? Did Jim carry around those babies for-- what is it? 12 months? Be honest, does Jim really get up in the night? Pam: Well, I mean, the only reason he doesn't is because I'm breastfeeding, and Phillip doesn't like a bottle. Nellie: You must be exhausted. Fancy a nap? Pam: No. Nellie: Go on. Have a nap. Lie down right here. There's a blanket in here. I used it earlier myself. Dreamt I could breathe underwater like Jacques Cousteau. No one will know. I'll wake you up. And when you wake up, you will earn more money. Pam: I think... you're a witch. Nellie: I think you're amazing. You know that, right? Go on, say it: "I'm amazing." Pam: [drowsily] I'm amazing. [sighs] Irene: Erin, I think you're making a big mistake right now. Andy is a nice boy. Erin: Really? 'cause you've been kind of a B to him all afternoon. Irene: I was protecting you because I thought he was no good. But I can tell you really like him. And he's willing to lose his job for you, in this economy with Europe on the brink-- Erin: Irene, what would you do without me? Irene: We're not your concern, sweetheart. Besides, Glenn's going to sue Home Depot. Erin: Why? Irene: He got his foreskin caught in some lawn furniture. Nellie: Jim, time for your review. Jim: No, it's not, because you don't really work here. Nellie: Why are you so staunchly defending your friend, who has abandoned you? Wouldn't you rather come talk with me? Maybe definitely get a raise? Jim: Yeah, that's the thing. I don't know if you can even give raises. Nellie: Jim, have you ever heard of a character named Tinkerbell? Jim: Yes. Nellie: I'm Tinkerbell. Jim: No. Nellie: Mm-hm. I'm a magical fairy who floated into your office to bring a little bit of magic into your lives, to give you all raises. Stanley: And we are grateful. Nellie: But here's the thing about Tinkerbell, Jim. Everyone has to believe in her or she doesn't exist. Jim: She dies. Nellie: She dies! Now who here believes in Tinkerbell? Jim: Let's see it. Show of hands. Kevin: I do. [applause] Come on everyone... Jim: All right, guys, stop. Meredith: I already spent the money. Jim: How? Kevin: Come on Jim, you're klling her! All: We believe! We believe! Robert: Look at this wonderful recognition of Nellie's leadership. I believe. [applause continues] Andy: That did not go how I wanted it to. Ugh. I have a whole ton of Erin's favorite food for the drive back, eggplant parm. [tosses it out car window] It's biodegradable. Animals will eat it. Erin: Andy wait! [running down street] Andy! Andy wait! Don't go! Andy I love you! Stop! Oh, this is the wrong Prius. I don't love you. I'm sorry. Andy: Erin! Erin: Andy. [horns honking as they kiss in the street] Erin: Let's get out of here. Andy: Okay. Erin: Let's go. Andy: Wait, we have to go back and get your stuff. Erin: No, I don't have any stuff. Andy: Like your toothbrush and stuff. Erin: I don't have one. Andy: You don't have a toothbrush? Erin: No. Andy: How do you not have a toothbrush? Erin: I just... there's always one around. Andy: You just use whichever one is sitting there? Erin: I always find one. Have you ever heard of buying a toothbrush? Andy: Of course. I own my toothbrush. Nellie: I grew up poor. I had little formal education. No real skills. I don't work especially hard, and most of my ideas are either unoriginal or total crap. And yet, I walked right into a job for which I was ill-prepared, ill-suited, and somebody else already had, and I got it. If you ask me, that's the American dream right there. Anything can happen to anyone. It's just random.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x19 - Get The Girl"}	foreverdreaming
Pam: Hey Jim. Stanley's back from the hospital today. Can you sign his card? Jim: Oh, great. [reads] "Glad they didn't mix up your tonsillectomy with a moustachectomy." Oh that's not good. Phyllis: Oh, because your jokes are all hilarious. Pam: It's nice. It's funny. It mentions his tonsillectomy and makes a funny little joke about his moustache. Jim: Stanley doesn't have a moustache. Pam: Yeah he does. Oscar: Pam, ht the brakes. Stanley does not have a moustache. I misspoke. I'm not sure. I think he has one, now that- I think he has a moustache. Pam: Okay, Phyllis sits across from him every day. Phyllis, does he have a moustache or not? Phyllis: Oh, I don't know. Now I think he doesn't. Pam: Phyllis! What are you talking- The whole card depends on this! Jim: Okay, the man's worked here for 25 years. How can none of us picture his face? Angela: 'Cause we come here to do our jobs. We don't stick our noses in other people's business. Pam: Okay, which one of these looks more right? [holds up drawing of Stanley with and without a moustache] Dwight: Neither of those looks like any person that has ever existed or been dreamt of in the history of human insanity. That said, the one on the left. Gabe: [bell dings] Guys, that's the elevator. What if it's him? Jim: Okay, quick. Who says moustache? [Pam, Oscar, Dwight, and Creed raise their hands] Dwight: Yep. Jim: Who says no moustache? [Jim, Angela, and Phyllis raise their hands; Gabe enters, hiding Stanley's face] Gabe: [reveals Stanley's moustache] Ah! Ha ha ha! Phyllis: He does have a moustache. Dwight: Yes! Pam: Welcome back, Stanley. [Stanley grunts] Robert: "Good morning, Robert," says no one because our receptionist is in Florida. [no one responds] Pam! Pam: Oh! [takes out earbuds] Robert: Is this a video conference you're having with "Drake, featuring Swizz Beatz"? Pam: Um, no, I was just, um, just having a cup of coffee, kind of warming up for the day. Robert: People, you should come to work already warm. Nine to ten a.m. is the most productive potential that a human being- Nellie: Sorry, sorry, everyone, I'm late! But you all are here, so no harm done at all by my lateness. Robert: [laughing] Nellie, really, nine fifty? Nellie: Oh, here's what happened. Seven forty-six, my alarm clock goes off. I hear it. Whack the snooze. Robert: Ah. Nellie: Nine minutes. Bzz! Off it goes again. Whack! Seven more times I did that. Bzz, whack. Bzz, whack! By the time I got up, it was ten minutes ago. No willpower. That is my curse! Robert: [laughs] I've never believed willpower was very important in a woman. Nellie: Ah ha! Robert: I don't think you would have shown up to work nearly an hour late for no reason. Nellie: Oh, I assure you, I would have done. I did, and I will keep doing it. Robert: No, no, no, no. There's something going on. Some stress in your life. Nellie: Well, yes, uh... there is the whole moving to Scranton nonsense. Thirty boxes arrived yesterday from England and two trunks from Florida. Then I have to move in to my apartment in this dreadful, God knows where it is backwater suburb of a suburb, and I mean, no offense but are there a lot of Irish people living around here? Kevin & Meredith: [in unison] Yes. Nellie: Ugh! I hate that! No offense. Kevin: None taken. Oscar: Actually, Nellie, this monologue you're delivering is very offensive. Nellie: oh! Ay, carumba! The natives are getting restless! Stanley: Who's a native? Nellie: Uh, excuse me, the tone here is getting quite hostile. I would appreciate it if you would keep that stuff on the basketball court. [everyone groans] Oscar: What does that mean? Dwight: Okay, okay. Nellie: If you'd let me finish- Or the squash court, or the Supreme Court. Hmm? Robert: Nellie? Nellie: Yes, Robert! Robert: You're clearly under a lot of... stress with the moving and the work situation you've found yourself in. Nellie: Yeah. Robert: Let's help her out, shall we? Go above and beyond today to show her some of that warm Scranton hospitality. Jim. Dwight. Take the day. Help Nellie move those boxes into her new place. Dwight: Why Jim? Robert: The rest of you, let's throw a party at the end of the day to welcome the newest member of our little community. Pam: I'm sorry, we're throwing a party for someone because they're being horrible? Jim: I'm sorry, we're taking work time to move someone's personal belongings into their new apartment. Pam: I'm still not sure why this woman is even here. Jim: Why is she here? Andy: [sings] Two crazy kids on the journey of life. Erin: [sings] Going to Pennsylvania. Andy: On the road with my new girlfriend. But first, a small pit stop to break up with my current girlfriend who is at her parents' cabin in southern Pennsylvania. Erin: Oh. That must be nice. Andy: Mm-hmm. It's a beautiful place. Great place to let her down easy. Erin: Oh, no, no, I meant that it must be nice to have parents. Andy: Oh. Hmm. Andy: [sings] Time to have a little kiss! Erin: No. Andy: Mm. Sorry. Right. No kisses till the breakup is official. Erin: Yes. Andy: I believe in that. Erin: Yes. So do I. Andy: I think that's important. That is important. Bummer, but important. Erin: Important. Andy: Mm-hmm. Phyllis: I can't believe he's making us throw a party for her. Pam: I know, right? Oscar: She's always late, she's always rude... Phyllis: It kinda makes me want to throw a really bad party. Oscar: Yeah. Phyllis: On purpose. Pam: Phyllis! Angela: [laughs] We should do it right here in the break room. [they giggle] Phyllis: Order carrot cake. [laughter] Andy: ...and Jessica, just so you know, this is way more about my love for Erin than anything wrong with you. Erin: Well, Andy, I'm upset, but you did this in the best way possible, and I knew you as a lover and I'll remember you as a gentleman. Okay, that was one minute and ten seconds. Andy: Consider it nailed. Erin: [vocalizing] I think we should try again. This time, worst case scenario. Andy: Okay, here we go. Jessica, I'm really sorry. I just need you to know- Erin: [whining] What? Andy: I just need you to know- Erin: What is it? I didn't sleep well last night. [they laugh] Dwight: [lifting box] Ugh! Ow. Jim: Nellie, that reminds me. Do you want this chair in the bedroom? 'Cause to be honest, I don't think it's gonna fit through the door. Dwight: Don't listen to Jim. Have you ever seen him play Tetris? "Oh, I think I'll just use this line horizontally. Oh, I had no idea what a gift this line is." Jim: That was one time- Dwight: I will get the chair in. Watch the Great Schrutini work his magic. Nellie: Oh, no. Really? Magic? No, no, no. Let's not go there. No, nothing is more repellant than magicians. Bunch of grown men waving wands, pulling bunnies out of body crevices. Magicians are repulsive. Next topic. Jim: [cell phone rings] Excuse me, one second. Hi. Pam: Hey, what's up? Jim: Ah, nothing, just hauling some cube with Dwight. Dwight: [shouting] Haulin' cube! Jim: That's moving boxes. We just came up with the term to make it sound cooler. Pam: So we're planning this party for Nellie, and we're gonna make it really bad. Jim: Sounds like every other party. Pam: No. We're gonna make it like a prank. Like order bad food, give her this passive-aggressive card. Jim: Oh! Hire a magician. Pam: What? Jim: Trust me. Pam: [laughs] Okay. Andy: Wow. There's a lot of cars here. This is just weird. Lauren: [knocks on car window] Andy! Hey, what are you doing here? Andy: Hey, Lauren. Look at you. Lauren: Well, I know. Look at me. Andy: I was just on my way back from this business trip, thought I'd stop and say hi to Jessica. Lauren: Aww! [clicks tongue] Andy: Why is Erin with me? That's a great question. She is my coworker, and she needed a ride because she totaled her car. Lauren: Oh. God. Erin: So, I'm Erin. Hi. Andy: Yep. This is Erin. Lauren: Nice to meet you. [Erin gasps at another girl outside her window] Well, Jess went out for a run but she'll be back soon. Hey ladies, Andy's here! Erin: Okay Andy, that is a bachelorette party, this is Jessica's friends and they've been drinking during the daytime. Should we go? Andy: Yeah. Uh, you know, we had such a quick window to make this work, I think we should probably just- Lauren: Oh, Jess! [claps] Look who stopped by after his business trip! Jessica: Andy! Hey! Dwight: I wonder if king-sized sheets are called presidential-sized in England. I really should have a Tweeter account. Jim: Yes, you should. Dwight: [finds shoe box] Ooh. Jim: [reads] "Nellie, don't open, stupid. Love, Nellie." Dwight: I have to see these shoes. Jim: I doubt that they're sh- Dwight: Oh! Jim: Whoa. Who is this guy? Dwight: Here's the two of them taking a hike. I'm guessing he's some kind of friend. Jim: Boyfriend. Dwight: Here's the two of them kissing at a beach and kissing at the Eiffel Tower. I'm guessing he's some kind of close romantic friend. Jim: Like a boyfriend? Dwight: You read my mind. Jim: Yeah. Whoa. Here's one with his face whited out. Dwight: Hmm. Maybe someone threw a pie in his face. New theory- he's a hated Italian politician. Jim: Better theory. This is her ex-boyfriend and they went through some kind of painful breakup. Nellie: [walks in] Oh. Jim: Oh, Nellie. I'm so sorry. We were just... Nellie: I see you've discovered Benjamin. That's what I call my box full of photos of Henry. Dwight: Why not call... Jim: Shh! Nellie: God. We owned this flat together. Then one morning, just like that, he was gone. He ran off with the waitress at our favorite restaurant. Dwight: That's awful. What kind of restaurant. Jim: Dwight! Nellie: I couldn't afford the flat myself. So I sold it at a loss. Ah, but what's ten years of bliss down the drain compared with the thrill of starting over with nothing and no one? Jim: I'm so sorry. These must be very painful memories. Dwight: If it would help you to forget, I could ht you in the brain stem with this candlestick. Nellie: Thank you. No. Look, Jim, Dwight, please, don't tell anyone about this. Jim: No, no. Of course. Just one quick question. Was this um, Halloween, or... Nellie: God, no. That's the most embarrassing thing of all this. What kind of fool gets her heart broken by bloody stage magician? Jim: [in the phone] You know what, Pam? I was thinking maybe we should change course here. Let's give up on all this mean stuff. Pam: What? No! No, I just had this brilliant idea- everyone loved it. You don't have a copyright on pranks. I might be better at this than you. Jim: No, that's not what I- Nellie: Jim, could you give us a hand? Jim: Absolutely. Yeah. [whispers] Call it off, Pam. Call it off, okay? It's way more complicated than you think. Cancel the magician. Trust me. Pam: Oh, okay. Okay, I will. [hangs up phone] Angela: Pam, we have a great idea. Oscar: Listen to this. Angela: We're going to have the fluorescent lights flickering. It's gonna make everyone sick. Pam: Or what if... Angela: Okay. Pam: We discuss... [Angela and Phyllis giggle] the idea of doing the party totally normal. Like, not mean. Just a regular party. [giggling stops] Not mean. Angela: I knew she'd crack! I wanted to leave you out, you know. Oscar: We're in far too deep. We can't change course at this point. Pam: What are you talking about? Yes we can. Oscar: What I mean to say is we don't want to. Phyllis: Toots, we're not stopping this train, so get off the tracks. Lauren: [pops balloon] Suck it! [cheers, applause] Erin: Andy- Andy: It'll be fine. Just act natural. Do you want a gummy penis? Erin: No, uh, I'll just have some gummy bears. Andy: These are delicious. Erin: But... they're penises. Lauren: And we come to Matthew. The guy who was with his old girlfriend basically the whole time we were together. [party guests groan] Andy: Ew! Aww! That seems gross at first blush, right? But relationships are always more complicated than you think. I mean, we don't know Matthew's history with this other woman. Maybe she saved his life. [laughs] I don't know. I just- I don't think we should rush to judgment about Matthew. Maybe we don't pop that one. Party guests: No, pop it. Pop it! [Lauren pops the balloon, party guests cheer] Jessica: Hey. Andy: Hey. Jessica: Sorry. It's kind of a madhouse. Megan: [grabs Andy] Ahh! Andy: Oh! Ah, Megan. Megan: You are one of the good ones, nard dog. Andy: Aww. Megan: No, really. [to Jessica] Where's my Andy? Jessica: I dunno. Andy: Oh, he's out there. Megan: Aww. Are you going to sing for us? Andy: Well, you guys are doing a pretty good job with the scary yelling, so... Megan: That's not like you. That's not like you. Come on, sing! Sing! Andy: [singing] By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes... Pam: Okay, they're almost here- What? Come on. If you guys are gonna be mean, could you at least be subtle? [rips down ugly photo of Nellie] Darryl: Oh, in the warehouse we use code names for people we want to talk about. Andy was Jelly Roll. Mike was Dennis the Menace. Ryan was douche bag. Ryan: Hey, that's not a code name. That's just an insult. Oscar: Plus everyone would know who you meant. Ryan: Yeah! Pam: No, that's a great idea. Let's have a code name. How about Mondays? I hate Mondays? Mondays are the worst? Angela: Nobody's named Monday. Ryan: Hey, how about we go with Pam? Simple, easy to remember. Pam: 'Cause there's someone already here named Pam. Kevin: Shh, here she comes! All: Hey! Phyllis: Welcome to your party. Creed: Everybody get comfy now. This first song's over a half hour long. [plays off-tune notes] Creed: Best gig ever. They asked me to play only originals. I said, "Have you heard my originals? They're terrible." They said, "Even better." I said, "I get it. It's an ironic party for Nellie." Erin: Maybe we should just go. Andy: No. I gotta do this. Hey Jessica, could I talk to you? Jessica: Uh, yeah, sure. What's up? Andy: Uh, maybe we could talk in private? Jessica: Uh, yeah. What is it? Andy: Well, first just let me say that I hope when I'm done with the sort of ugly bits that we can stay friends. Jessica: You're breaking up with me? Andy: Uh, no. No. You always do this. You twist my words around. Part of me thinks we should just end this right now. Jessica: Oh my God. Are you leaving me for Erin? You said she wasn't relationship material and she wasn't as good as me, but it's her, isn't it? Andy: Whoa! That? No. Okay. You want honesty? Super-honesty time. I'm gay. Jessica: What? Andy: I am gay, and I prefer men. Kenny: I knew it! Andy: You did not, Kenny! Kenny: You invited me to go shopping with you. Andy: I like hanging out with you. You're a cool guy. Which proves my point. That I'm gay. Jessica: Andy, you're not gay. I mean, we were... together. And you seemed pretty excitable. Andy: Well, I was faking it. I had to fake it every time. I had to imagine that I was in a steam room with John Stamos. Jessica: I can't say it doesn't make sense... Andy: Well... I mean, I was good at hiding it, but- Jessica: Look, it's fine, Andy. I didn't think we were gonna get married or anything. I just... I'm just upset for now. Andy: Understandable. And I'm really sorry. I really am. [hugs Jessica, grunts] So... we should probably... go. Robert: This humble but sincere effort is all for our valued new colleague. Excellent. Oscar: To Nellie Bertram, you are a most welcome and friendly presence at our company. Robert: Cheers. Nellie: Why thank you. Oscar: Pam, on the other hand, is a most unwelcome, entitled, unfriendly presence in our company. All: Cheers. Angela: Nellie is terrific, but to be honest, every day I imagine how happy I'd be if Pam died. [laughter] Jim: Oh. Well. I feel that as someone who knows Pam only a little bit... enough. A good amount. Not the most, though. I would say that she is misunderstood and that maybe there's some stuff in her past that you guys don't know about that's a little messed up and probably makes her such a t*rture to work with. Creed: We hate Pam. We hate Pam. All: We hate Pam! We hate Pam! Magician: So we've established- Jim: No. No. Magician: -that you guys hate Pam. Do you ever wish she would just... disappear? [sets off flash paper] Pam: Oh! [laughter, murmuring] Erin: That was a really rough scene. Andy: Right? Rough scene. Erin: Yeah. Andy: Oh... at least we can kiss now. Erin: Oh, yeah. [gives him a quick kiss] Andy: You know, that stuff that I said about you to her... I did- That's just- I had to say it. You know, I was dating her at the time. Erin: Yeah. Yes, of course. Ah... I feel really tired. Andy: Yeah. Erin: Probably from seeing that turkey. Andy: Oh yeah. Erin: When we drove by the farm. Oh. Always does it. Magician: Are you Nellie? Oh, I think you're my volunteer. Come on over here, huh? Jim: Oh, I'll do it. I will volunteer. Robert: no, Nellie, she- Jim: I'll do it. Magician: Oh! Big guy, huh? How's the air up there? Watch out for... birds. [chuckles] All right, let's uh- let's do some card magic. Now, what I want you to do is... I want you to pick a card just by looking at it. Do not say what it is. Jim: [picks a card] It's the four of hearts. Robert: Oh, no, you- Magician: Looks like we got a guy from another country here, huh? No hablo el cardo, senor? Hmm? Ha. All right, the card is picked. Now sir, will you please shuffled the deck? [Jim drops the cards] You didn't just do that on purpose, did ya? Robert: [to Dwight] Why is Jim treating the magician poorly? Magician: Little known fact about me. Before I was a magician, I used to work at a rope factory. Jim: Not true. 'Cause that's not a real place. Magician: But I never could seem to figure out those knots. Pam: That's not a real knot. When you pull on it, it disappears. Magician: [yells] What the hell? All right, where's Phyllis? Who's Phyllis? Look. This is really uncool, okay? I put on a clean show here- Dwight: Okay scram, wizard. Magician: What? Dwight: You heard me! Magician: Huh! Robert: Well Nellie, I'm sorry. If I'd known Jim and Pam would use this party as an excuse to abuse a magician- Nellie: Well, I thought it was quite fun. In fact, I think they're brilliant employees, in their own way. Don't you see what I see? Robert: Interesting. Yes. No, yes, I see that. Great work, team. Great party. Kevin: You think this is a great party? This cake has vegetables in it. Like a salad bar, Robert. How do I get this taste out of my mouth? Erin: What? Why are we- Andy: I just gotta do one thing. [leaves car, knocks on door] Megan: Oh. Hello. Hey everybody, look who's here. Jessica: What are you doing here? Andy: Hi. Super-duper honesty time. I'm not gay. In fact, I'm so not gay, I'm in love with a girl. Her name is Erin Hannon and she's right there. She's sweet, funny and beautiful and total relationship material. Megan: Why the hell did you come back here? Jessica: Go away. Kenny: Get lost! Woman: Get out! Andy: Okay. Lauren: You're done! Andy: Bye guys. Lauren: Get out! You ruined my party! Who does that? Are you kidding me? [Andy and Erin run to the car] Yeah, run away! Kenny: You're disgusting! Lauren: I can't believe you're not gay! [Andy and Erin kiss] Kenny: Yeah get out of here. Various: Don't come back. [someone throws food at the car] Erin: Uh-oh! [laughs, they drive away] Various: You don't even know how to drive! Bye Andy! Loser! Nice car! Pam: Hey Hank. Hank: Yes ma'am. Pam: I thought I was very specific about you not letting up a magician. Hank: Yes ma'am. I got my eyes open. Jim: Well, turns out he actually made it up there. Hank: What? That ain't right. Pam: Yeah, he came and went. Hank: Wait a minute! You said it was a magician, right? [Pam nods] You don't think he could've used... it couldn't have been... Pam: Let's just- let's go. Jim: Night-night.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x20 - Welcome Party"}	foreverdreaming
Phyllis: Whoo! Wow, it is raining cats and dogs out there. Holy moley. Jim: Phyllis says the same twelve clichés every time it rains. So, I promised everyone that if she says them all by noon today, I will send out for hot chocolates. Darryl: So how was the drive in? Phyllis: Oh, nobody knows how to drive in the rain. Darryl: You don't say? Phyllis: Yeah. You know the roads are actually the slickest in the first half hour? Phyllis: Oh, the plants are gonna love this. Oscar: Yeah. Phyllis: I actually sleep better when it's raining. Meredith: Tell me about it. Oscar: Time's almost up. How many are left? Pam: Just one. "This weather makes me want to stay at home, curled up with a good book." Darryl: Phyllis. This rain... does it make you wanna be doing something? Phyllis: What do you mean? Pam: You know, like aren't some things just so nice and cozy in the rain? Jim: Hey, come on. Phyllis: Lots of things are cozy in the rain. Jim: And that's noon. Exactly. [others groan] Phyllis: I mean, normally the rain would make me want to stay home, curled up with a good book. But everybody's being so nice to me today. I'm really happy being here. Andy: [singing] My girlfriend's back and there's gonna be trouble- Andy & Erin: Hey la, hey la... Andy: ...my girlfriend's back! Erin: [simultaneously] ...his girlfriend's back! [others cheer and applaud] Andy: Anyway, I know it's the end of the day. We just wanted to stop by and say hi. Kevin: Welcome home. Erin: Thank you. Andy: Hey, Kev. Kevin: Yeah. Andy: Nice sweater. Kevin: [wearing a Cornell sweater] Thank you. Nellie was nice enough to give it to me. She's sweet. I just wish there was pockets. Andy: What happened to old salty? Dwight: Nellie let me bobble-ize him. His name is now Captain Mutato. Dwight: I've written quite a bit of X-Men fan fiction. Captain Mutato is half man, half mermaid. So he can fight crime as a man and make love as a mermaid. Most of my writing involves the latter. Andy: Okey dokey. [knocks on door] Nellie: Yes? Andy: Whoa. Well, you must be the famous Nellie Bertram I've been hearing all about. I am the famous Andy Bernard you've been hearing all about. Nellie: Oh yes. Andy: I just want to thank you for jumping in and minding the store during my temporary absence. Nellie: You are most welcome. Andy: Anyway, now that I'm back, I would love to have my office back, whenever you get a chance. Nellie: No. Andy: Obviously, we'll figure out the, uh, logistics of moving all this stuff out of here. But, you know, the sooner the better. Nellie: Mm-hmm. Andy: Get back to normalcy. Nellie: Hmm, no. Ravi: ...and then just lay him in his crib, and then bicycle his legs. And then after Jim quiets down, you do the same thing with your baby. [Pam, Jim and Kelly laugh] But if he keeps having problems, just give me a call. Pam: Oh my gosh, thank you so much. But seriously, we don't want to bother you any more than we already have. Jim: That's it. Kelly: It's no bother, you guys are our friends. Pam: Ravi, our amazing pediatrician, was asking us if we knew any girls and I said I know the perfect girl. Jim: Yep. Because Kelly is Indian and... oh, that's it. Pam: Race had nothing to do with it. I just knew they'd be good together. Pam: [talks over flashbacks] Kelly has been a handful in the past. Kelly: [cries, slams fist on desk] Why? Pam: [Ryan and Kelly make out in the nook] But she's had a bad influence. She's like an addict. [Ryan and Kelly argue] And I just had to get her clean. Kevin: [Ryan and Kelly make out on Oscar's desk] Get lower. Ryan: Um, also, little tip, never shake the baby. Jim: Sorry, just to be clear, you're saying do NOT shake the baby. Ryan: Don't shake the baby. Um, a lot of times, parents get frustrated 'cause the baby's crying and they shake the baby. And you got to, um, you can't do that. Pam: Don't shake our baby? Ryan: Yeah. Pam: Okay. I'd never heard that before. So, thank you. Ryan: Oh, my God. Pam: Yeah, I'm glad you said something. Ryan: Me too. Ryan: Kelly and I broke up and she can do whatever she wants. And her new boyfriend seems awesome, if you're into Indian people. I'm not. Ryan: Hey, um, what's the deal with this guy? He's really into Kelly, huh? Pam: Yeah, they're really great together. Ryan: Maybe we weren't right together, but... it's weird. I'd rather she be alone than with somebody. Is that love? Jim: That's about it, yeah. Robert: Nellie! You've been terrific in your interim capacity. But, Andrew is the rightful manager so if you would just give him his office- Nellie: No. Robert: I'm sorry? Andy: This is what I was trying to tell you. Robert: I'm not accustomed to people saying no to me. [laughs] Nellie: Well, Bobby, get accustomed to it because then it feels so good when they finally say yes. Robert: You're both adults. I'm sure you can figure this out between yourselves. Robert: I never allow sexual desire to influence a business decision. So I find it best to excuse myself temporarily until I've had a chance to make love and then go back and analyze the situation rationally. Buffett operates the same way. Nellie: I'm gonna count down from five and if you are not out of my office, I'm going to dock your pay one hundred dollars. Andy: [chuckling] Okay. Nellie: Five... four... Andy: You can't dock my pay- Nellie: Angela! Dock Andy's pay one hundred dollars. Angela: On it! Andy: Great. Five, four, three, two, one. Angela, please dock Nellie's pay a hundred dollars. Angela? Nellie: Do you want to go again? Andy: Angela? Nellie: Let's go again. Five... four... Andy: Ooh, she's counting again. Nellie: Three... two... one... Andy: Oh, oh! Nellie: Angela, two hundred dollars! Angela: You got it. Andy: Seriously, Angela? Andy: I got a little bit of an anger problem. Got me in some trouble a couple years ago. Erin: When I see him start to get mad, I just put my hand on his arm like this. Nellie: I know what, let's go... ten thousand dollars! [Andy laughs] Five... four... Andy: You're just saying numbers. It's meaningless. Nellie: Three... Andy: It's literally like- Nellie: Two... [Andy runs out of the room] one. Erin: There you go. [helps Andy in the car] Hey. we're gonna have a nice, hot date. Erin: Hey. So last night was so not a big deal. Andy: Oh, yeah, I was just tired. Erin: We both were. Plus, I was definitely not my normal sexy self. Andy: Whoa. No. Are you kidding? You were so sexy. Just the thought of you last night, like, crazy turns me on. It just didn't last night. Erin: Really. It's not a big deal. Andy: Yeah. I know it's not... a big deal. Ryan: I found this the other day while I was journaling and they reminded me of you. Kelly: Oh, those are from our weekend at the time share. Ryan: Yeah, the fractional ownership property. [sigh] Oh, we took this one right before we got in that huge fight. Kelly: God I don't even remember what that fight was about. Ryan: You were being really bratty about where we would go out to dinner. But all I remember is how pretty you looked, taking those pictures of me. Anyway, if you want to order prints of your own, I can send you the link. Ryan: I'm in love with Kelly Kapoor. And I don't know how I'm gonna feel tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, but I do know that right here, right now, all I can think about is spending the rest of my life with her. Again, that could change. Erin: When you lost the manager job- Dwight: Yes? Erin: Did it affect you outside of the office? Dwight: How? Erin: I don't know what the technical term is... Penial softiosis? Dwight: Erin, I am so glad that you trusted me. You came to the exact right person for this. No, I have never once experienced anything remotely like that. Never. Erin: Oh, okay. Dwight: Okay? Erin: Okay. Dwight: Washington Monument. Erin: Oh. Dwight: Eiffel Tower. Erin: Okay, okay. Pam: I saw you were getting along with Ryan again. Kelly: He's so sweet. He pointed to my latte and he said, "Kelly, that will be the color of our children." Pam: Yeah, he's so great. Remember how it felt when he cheated on you though? Kelly: Which time? Pam: I am not going to let Kelly throw her life away on Ryan. And it has nothing to do with access to my pediatrician. Why you would even ask or were going to ask, because I- I felt like that question was coming. Dwight: One of Toby's eyes is getting smaller. So there's that. Gabe bragged about having an extra ticket to the air show this weekend and Meredith said she was interested and then Gabe said immediately that his friend might be taking the ticket. So I'll keep you posted on that. Dwight: Every day I brief Nellie on what's going on in the office. Most of it's irrelevant. But a good informer doesn't judge what's worth passing on. Dwight: Oh, and Andy lost his masculinity, so congratulations on that. Nellie: What do you mean? Dwight: Erin made it clear to me that he was unable to perform sexually last night. By contrast, I went to sleep with an erection so large it was like I was wearing no blanket at all. Wow, I knew you'd win, but you just demolished him! I'm a little bit jealous, actually. Reduced him to a mere ant. Nellie: I just wanted to take the man's job, not his manhood. Nellie: Okay, I would like to invite everyone into the conference room. Andy: You can't call a meeting. [laughs] But I would like to have a meeting in the conference room right now! So let's get in the conference room. Thank you. Good. Thank you for coming to my meeting. Nellie: Okay, if you would like to take a seat we can get started. Andy: Oh! Can't do it 'cause I gotta run a meeting. So. Nellie: No. Andy: Wanted to talk to all of you guys about [reads whiteboard] importance... and know that each and every one of you is vitally important. Robert: Andrew, not everyone here is important. And the word is "impotence." Nellie: Which is important in its own way. So if you'd just like to take a seat, Andy. Nellie: "Take a man's job, but leave him his balls." Margaret Thatcher said that... probably. Don't know. Don't read. Didn't see the movie. Nellie: This meeting is not about any one person in particular. It is a human problem. Dwight: It's not just a human problem. Flounders frequently experience impotence, especially when converting from male to female and then back again to male. Oscar: Nellie, does the person affected by this want us to help her in any way in particular? Nellie: Oh, oh, it's not me. No, no. I've never had any problem in that arena. And I have been with several older men. Robert & Creed: [in unison] How old? Creed: Jinx. Buy me some Coke. Nellie: Dwight told me about it earlier. Erin: Dwight! All: What? Erin: You promised! Kevin: Dwight couldn't get it up for Nellie? Dwight: No, no, no, no, no, It's not me. I'm gonna prove it right here and now. [thrusts his pelvis] Angela: What are you doing? Oscar: What is this? Angela: Stop that! Dwight! Stop that, stop it. Andy: Fine, it was me. I couldn't- I had a problem with Erin last night. Happy? Andy: I had a lot on my mind last night. And I didn't perform. Okay? It happens to plenty of guys. It's usually not followed by a giant workplace discussion and an interview. Andy: Every guy in this room has been touched by this affliction. Tuna? T-dog? Jim: Um... Darryl: Uh... I have other issues. I'm terrible at math. Overweight. You- you're in great shape. A lot better shape than I am, tell you what. Robert: It seems Andy is the only one with this problem. Fascinating. Andy: Fascinating. Gabe: I don't really see what the problem is. Erin doesn't even like sex, remember? You said it feels like getting tackled by a skeleton. Nellie: Chumbo, come on, help me out. Any problems with Little Chumbo? Kevin: Tip-top shape. Nellie: Oh... Stanley? Stanley: No. Um-um. Nellie: Creed, you are a thousand years old. Creed: Haven't heard any complaints. Wouldn't care if I did. Andy: Okay, so I- Pam: Actually Andy, I think maybe we experienced it. Jim: What happened? Pam: That a couple of times- Jim: Couple of times. Robert: Jim, maybe you could tell us about one of those times. Dwight: Yeah Jim. Andy: Yeah Jim, get it out there. Jim: Um... I don't... Uh, yes, that time that it was very late. Uh, we'd had sex so many times already, I was exhausted... Pam: Okay, stop. Jim: I was very drunk. Phyllis: If it makes you feel any better, I never had an orgasm until I was forty-two. And then when I did, it lasted 'til I was forty-four. Phyllis: Forty-three was ju- I got nothing done. [laughs] Gabe: I've read- and I don't know anything about this personally- but they say prostate stimulation can help. Angela: Ugh. Gabe: This is just, uh- This American Life, I think I heard it on. Robert: No, that's absolutely the case. Gabe: I know, right? Dwight: You know, my rectal electro-ejaculator is rated for bovine use only but I could let you rent it. Robert: Andy, why don't you tell us about the best erection of your life? Or does anyone else have any remarkable erections they'd like to share? [Creed, Kevin and Meredith raise their hands] Kevin: Ooh, ooh! Jim: Wow, what are we talking about? Erin: Toby, doesn't HR have some rules against talking about this kind of stuff? Toby: Erin, HR is a joke. I can't do anything about anything. Nellie: The most important thing to remember is not to stress about this. Stress just makes it worse, and then you stress more. And that's a vicious spiral. Robert: I almost didn't come in today. [laughs] Andy: [on the phone] Dad, don't think of it as a demotion. Just think of it as a promotion to a lower level. I don't think you have to tell your friends anything. It hasn't been decided yet. Nellie: Erin, on phone memos you're writing the date American style. Month, day, year. I prefer it day, month, year. Small, bigger, biggest. Oh, sexual innuendo. Not intentional. Erin: Shut up. Shut up! I am sick of your dumb opinions. And if you don't like the way that I take phone messages, here! [throws phone] Take 'em yourself! Andy: Oh, and another thing! Our sex life is none of your businesses! Erin: And Andy is the manager, not Nellie! Andy: Stop protecting me! I'm a man- I can protect myself! This is misdirected anger and I'm sorry! I don't mean to lash out at you! There's a lot coming up right now, all at once! [into phone] Dad go to hell, I'm taller than you! Nellie: Okay, just calm down. Andy: You are not the manager. I earned that job. I was personally chosen after Robert was chosen and quit. Robert: Andy, why don't you just take a seat? Andy: Why don't you take a seat, you idiot? [throws chair] Erin: And why don't you take all your stupid memos and your stupid pens and your dumb caramels? Andy: And your stupid face! [grabs Nellie's photo off the wall and smashes it on the ground] And your stupid office! [punches hole in the wall] Ah! Darryl: He does not like that wall. Erin: Maybe we'll get sent to anger management together. Andy: That would actually be cool. I'd love for you to meet some of the guys. Robert: Andy, Erin, you can join us now. Ryan: Hey, I hear you been bad-mouthing me to Kelly. Pam: All I did was remind her that you used to treat her badly. Ryan: Well that's your opinion and it's her opinion, but it's not my opinion. If you have something bad to say to me, Pam, say it to my face. Pam: Fair enough. Um... I don't think you're a very good person. And forgive me, but I feel like I've said this to you before: I don't like you very much. Ryan: Well a lot of people would say that I'm a better match for Kelly than Ravi is. Oscar: Oh come on, Ryan. Really? Ravi's way better. Ryan: For Kelly? Kevin: Yeah. Man, you're insane right now. Ravi's the whole package. Nate: I've never met Ravi personally, but I'm gonna go ahead and say, just having knowing you a short while, Brian, that I prefer Ravi. And again, I've never even met the guy. Ryan: Kelly, I wrote you the most amazing love poem. But I can't even read it. My heart couldn't handle it. Pam: Oh, no, no, no. Oscar: Oh, come on. Pam: Read it, please. I love amazing poetry. Ryan: No. It would cause me too much pain. Pam: Read through the pain. Be strong. Ryan: This poem would crush you! Oscar: Ryan, go away! She found herself a beautiful boyfriend! Kevin: Yeah, man, he's absolutely gorgeous! Please leave her alone. Ryan: You see, Kelly? Our love scares them. It screws up their cookie-cutter world. Kelly: Ravi makes me incredibly happy. And Ryan puts me through so much drama. So I guess I just have to decide which of those is more important to me. Robert: Andy, we're going to go with Nellie as manager and put you back on the sales team. I promise you, in time, we'll all laugh about this incident. I already think it's kind of funny. [chuckles] Andy: No. Robert: Excuse me? Andy: I'm saying no. Robert: Well you can't say no. Andy: No. Pam: [sees Ryan on the horse] Oh, boo! Boo! Boo to you! Boo! Ryan: You are toxic! You are toxic! Pam: Boo! Jim: Hey, hey. Okay. Ryan: Kelly, I have a few things to say to you, so please don't interrupt. Kelly: I wasn't going to interrupt. Ryan: Well you do a lot, so just don't. Thank you. I know that I haven't always treated you the way that you, for whatever reason, feel you deserve to be treated. But I want to marry you, Kelly Kapoor. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday, and probably. Pam: Barf! Ugh, you suck! Ryan: What is your problem? [to horse wrangler] Hey, hey, hey, can we turn this back around quickly, please? This is very important to me. Wrangler: Turn around. Turn around. Turn around! Ryan: Can we turn this [bleep]-ing thing around? Thank you. Wrangler: She don't wanna turn around. Ryan: Thank you. Kelly, I can't promise you that we'll always stay together. I can't promise you that I'll never cheat on you. Nor should I. Modern marriages aren't built that way. Men aren't built that way. There's a very interesting article I can email to you. But I can tell you this. Even if the odds are fifty-fifty that we'll break up within the week, I wanna roll those dice. I love you, Kelly. Kelly: Ryan. Ryan: Will you roll those dice with me? Kelly: You mean so much to me. But, I love Ravi and I choose him. Ryan: No you don't. Kelly: I do. Ryan: No you don't. Kelly: I hope we can still be friends. Can I have a hug? Ryan: What? [they hug] Kelly: That was really cool. [they make out] Angela: Ugh. Eww! Jim: Well, it's good to see Kelly's maturing. Angela: Oh God! Robert: Look, Andrew, we can discuss the specifics of the job. Andy: No. Nellie: It's the apology. I really have to insist. Andy: [British accent] No. Nellie: Stop saying no. Andy: No. Robert: Andrew, if you say no one more time, you're fired. So... is there anything else you wanna say? Andy: No. Andy: I can't describe it. I just, for the first time in a long time, I actually feel in control. I feel... alive. Erin: Here- [grabs the box Andy's holding] Andy: Ah- da, da, da, da. I got it. Erin: But you hurt your hand. Andy: I... Got... It. Erin: Right now? Andy: Yes. Pam: You're not the least bit curious to hear a poem straight from Ryan's soul? Jim: Not at all, can we go? Pam: "Kapoor and ka-desperate, he watches." Jim: Second line. Pam: "He is a drifter out to sea." Jim: "And when the Indian Ocean calms, one speck of white remains in waters cold and Kelly green." Pam: It's just so dumb. [chokes up] But when he describes himself as a child, lost on the life raft... Jim: Uh, Ryan can never know.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x21 - Angry Andy"}	foreverdreaming
Ryan: [pacing back and forth.] No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no. Pam: Okay fine. Ryan, something the matter? Ryan: Smokey's dad. Pam: Smokey, the bear? Ryan: Smokey Robinson Pam. He died like an hour ago, I guess I'm the first to know. Jim: Wow That's terrible, I really liked him. Ryan: Oh you liked him? That's nice. Did you like when he changed the course of American music like two or three times? Did you like that tracks of my tears is maybe the last true love song ever written? I'm glad you liked him Jim. I am completely devastated right now. Jim: Well, I second that emotion. Ryan: Huh? Nellie: I know a few of his songs, but what were his big ones? Ryan: Oh God, Nellie! What wasn't his? I mean, um, "Tracks of my Tears"? Nellie: Yeah Ryan: Um... God, so many, Nellie! Pam: No, no, no, "Tracks of My Tears" and what else? What are some more? What's one more? Ryan: Okay, I'm not... I'm not playing this game, Pam. Not today. Pam: I don't think you love Smokey Robinson. I think you're just doing all of this to prove how deep you are about music Ryan: Okay, I'm sorry I'm not a fan of Jason Mraz or the Beatles. Dwight: You don't like the Beatles? Ryan: That's... That's not the point! Dwight: Eleanor Rigby? Paperback writer? Ryan: Okay, you know, you always think you have time to see these legends before they go. What was I so busy doing? Oscar: It says here this Smokey Robinson dad thing was a hoax. It's on CNN as of two minutes ago. Ryan: Okay well, that's a relief! Jim: Wow! Look at that! It says he's actually playing State College. That's only three hours away! Pam: Oh my God, Ryan! That's perfect! You have to go! Jim: Tickets are 250 bucks. Pam: 250 dollars is nothing to the world's biggest Smokey Robinson fan. Ryan: Yeah... Who's opening? Jim: Paul Anka. Ryan: Paul Anka?! How can they make the Smoke Man play with someone like that? I don't think I can see this. Jim: Okay, you could just show up late though. Ryan: How much is parking, like 30 bucks? That's not what Smokey would have wanted. Does want. Pam: Tears of a clown! Ryan: Don't call me a clown, Pam. You're better than that! Darryl: Looking good, RC! Robert: Ugh, I hate ties! I feel like I'm being strangled like I'm at some erotic asphyxiation sex club over on I-84. The red room say? Or Dominick's? Angela: Robert! The senator was going to wear dark brown tonight... I'm sure it will be fine. Angela: My husband is sponsoring a fundraiser tonight for local dog shelters! Robert California bought two tables for everyone here! These people were lucky to get seats because it is going to be a who's who of the northern 22nd district! Dwight: I don't want to alarm people, but there is a distinct chance that we are all about to be klled Jim: Well, as long as you don't want to alarm people... Oscar: What's going on? Dwight: There is a disgruntled ex-employee sitting in his car in the parking lot. Erin: Oh that's Andy. He's just hanging out Dwight: That's how workplace tragedies always begin. A middle aged white male "hanging out". Call the cops! Pam: Dwight, I don't think he's going to hurt anybody. Phyllis: How do you? I mean, why do you think he's there? Dwight: I don't even know what kind of wapon he has. Could be a Knfe, could be a gn. Could be a series of gn all lined up to sht parallel. I'm going up to the roof. [Grabs bag.] And I'm gonna bring my gym bag just in case. Nellie: I knew this would happen! Everybody told me if I moved to America, I'd be mrder. Andy: Hey! Erin: Hey, just wanted to say hi and hear you say everything is normal. Maybe video tape you saying that so that everyone upstairs can see. Angela: We think you might kll Robert. Andy: What? Kevin: because he fired you which means apparently you're living in your car now. Andy: guys, everything is fine! I'm just here to pick up Erin. We're going to the Fundraiser. Pam: Oh, great! That sounds good! Kevin: Wait, what? You're going to the fundraiser tonight? That's going to be weird. Andy: Why would that be weird? Kevin: It's going to be super weird, he just fired you last week. Erin: Andy's just coming as my date. Kevin: Hey, I hear you! I hope you're right. It just seems like it's going to be really, really weird. Nellie: [hears knocks on door.] Come in! Darryl: You really re-did Andy's office, huh? Nellie: Yes, cut out the clutter. Very simple, very minimal. Darryl: I need you to sign these, we got a shipment going out. Nellie: How are things in the warehouse? Darryl: You could go downstairs and ask them? Nellie: The warehouse isn't downstairs? [laughs.] Is it? Is it? Darryl: Who knew, right? Nellie: [speechless.] I... Nellie: Tonight could be the night that Darryl and I go from casual work friends to actual good friends. The only thing standing in our way is the contempt he seems to feel for me. Angela: Robert, the senator and I wanted to stop by and say hello. Andy: Hello! Did anyone order a blast from the past, with a side order of sexy? Kevin: Oh man, this is weird! Robert: Andrew. [Robert extends his hand.] Andy: Oh, Wanna shake my hand, huh? Cause I want to shake your body! [hugs Robert and laughs.] I had you, I had you! Andy: [points back and forth at the multiple cameras] Where do I look? It's been so long since I did one of these things? Okay, alright! What's the question? How am I doing? Umm... Great! Kevin: Creed, I just bid twenty dollars on six Jiu-Jitsu lessons. No one's raping this guy! Creed: Well, I don't want to get rped [picks up clipboard] Twenty-Two! Kevin: No! It was my idea to not be rped! Dwight: [Dwight enters] Wait, you think Jiu-Jitsu classes cost $22 [grabs clipboard.] If you're going to guess the price, you might as well try to be halfway accurate. $180! Kevin: Whoa, Dwight, I don't think you understand. Dwight: You guess the price, you win the prize. Have you never been to a Quaker fair before? God! Kevin: So Dwight doesn't understand silent auctions. I guess he's the stupid guy in the office, huh? Up till now, we didn't have one! Andy: What haven't I been doing? Gosh, just today I was working on this rock opera that I'm writing, though it feels more like I'm receiving it than writing it. Jim: Wow, that's exciting! But until you firm up the idea, you might want to keep it between us. Andy: The hero lives in this dystopian future and he flies around in a spaceship that's shaped like a treble clef. And he has to sing his heart out to destroy all evil. Pam: Sounds like you're doing alright. Andy: Ehh, a little better than alright, actually. Really good! Ryan: Oh, this guy is having a breakdown. Senator: You know, Oscar, I really had no idea you were so passionate about animals. Oscar: my dog Gerald is my life. Senator: really? Well, if you want to get involved, call me. This is my cell. I'm more likely to pick up night, say after 9... Excuse me. [Walks away.] Oscar: This confirms three things: I'm right about the senator, I still got it, and poor Angela. Robert: [telling story to Nellie.] I stepped in right away and start-- Andy: Bobby! Bobbo! You're a rock opera guy, right? You like rock operas? Robert: Well... Andy: You gotta check out this thing I'm working on, it's really cool. There's this character Thomas Oregon, and he wants to destroy all the guitars in the world because he realizes that music is the one thing he can't control. Robert: So, Thomas Oregon is an evil figure? Andy: Evil! [chuckles.] although he's humanized in the end because he weeps uncontrolably and pees in his pants. Robert: and the hero, who's that based on? Andy: Me, I guess. [sings.] We're flying so high, we're crackin' the sky! Gonna fly out of this dome my girlfriend and I! Meredith: Hey jabroni. Show some class. Stanley: She's right, Andy. you're being a jabroni Andy: You're being a Thomas Oregon! Robert: Andrew, I think this may have been a bad idea. Why don't you let me pay for you and Erin to go out to a great romantic dinner tonight? Andy: Don't need you to pay for me. I'm doing just fine, thank you. Why don't you quit harshing our mellow? Robert: Andy you should leave. Now. Andy: [to Waiter.] Excuse me. I would like to purchase two seats at another table, please. Waiter: I'm sorry, the tables are sold as complete units. Andy: then I'll take a table! Waiter: Okay Andy: And a high five! [Raises hand, misses high five with waiter.] Oh, let's do this again! Andy: [waiter is cracking pepper into Andys salad] Oh, yes indeed... When! [Waiter begins walking away.] Whoa, whoa, whoa! You forgot a few salads! [waiter peppers another salad.] When! Oscar: I stumbled into a very dramatic situation. Angelas husband just ht on me! Pam: Oh my god! Oscar: I know! Jim: Wait, what? Come on! Oscar: We were talking about animals, he gives me his cell phone number. He was just dying for me to have it. Jim: Okay, Oscar, I'm not saying you're not dreamy, because you are, but isn't it possible that he was just schmoosing a voter? Oscar: Well, if you would have seen the look he gave me, he wanted to run more than just my vote. Jim: Okay, what was this look? [Oscar does the look.] Pam: Whoa! Jim: What happened, did he do it? Pam: Are you-- Twice! For real? Jim: Okay guys, not every glance means something, alright? Life isn't Downton Abbey. Pam: Life is Downton Abbey. Jim: Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go over there and I'm going to talk to him and I guarantee you he gives out his cell phone to everybody. Dwight: [on phone.] How much do you guys charge for a one full year gym membership? Thank you! Dwight: It's $475! Like candy from a baby! Andy: Hey... David Wallace! David: Andy Bernard! Andy: Hey, how are you? David: How you doing, I'm great! How you doing, are you still with Dunder Mifflin? Andy: No, got canned last week. David: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Andy: No, best thing that ever happened to me. David: That's the attitude to have. You know what, when I got canned, I was lost, right? I poured myself into this ridiculous vacuum for toys called Suck-It. Andy: Yikes! David: Yeah, exactly right? Then suddenly out of nowhere, the US military bought the patent from me for twenty million dollars! The point is, forget those guys, k? Move on! Good to see you, Andy! Nellie: Call me a lame man, but I wish there was some real food here. You know, like hamburgers... Or Oreos... Or a pizza pie or, what's another food that we like? Darryl: Tacos. Nellie: What I wouldn't give for a big mess of tacos right now! Darryl: I can go get us some tacos. Nellie: Brilliant! Darryl: If you loan me some money. Nellie: Yes, I can do that. For, um, for two tacos, we'd probably need about what 20... $20? Or $25? $20? Darryl: $30. Nellie: $30, yes! Nellie: I've never eaten a taco. I'm not entirely sure what they are. As long as they're not slimy, and please god don't let them have eyes! Oscar: [Jim shakes Senators hand, returns to table.] So? Jim: Boom! [hands Oscar a business card.] Oscar: This is interesting. Pam: Hm-hmm. Jim: what is interesting? I just proved that he gives his cell out to everybody. Pam: Or you proved that he thinks you're gay. Oscar: He does not think Jim's gay. A gay man would not leave the house wearing those shoes. Pam: Well, a gay man would not leave the store wearing those shoes! Jim: Oh, hey! you bought me those shoes! Speaker: Before we bring out our guest of honor tonight, we are very proud to introduce a great philanthropist and a great guy. Robert California! Robert: Thank you. Why do we love dogs? Want me to tell you why? There is no answer. Our love for them confounds reason! Andy: can you believe this guy? Robert: The state senator, Robert Lipton, loves dogs. he asked me if I loved dogs. you know what I said? Yes! [laughter.] Andy: Not a joke. That was not even a joke. Robert: Bella here was a therapy dog for ten years. when her owner passed away she came to this organization for placement. But people don't often adopt older dogs, so Bella and eleven heroes like her are being cared for by our generous volunteers because frankly nobody else will Andy: I will! I will take all of those dogs! Robert: Andy, that's very kind-- Andy: No, no, no. This guy can talk and talk all he wants, but it's not that complicated. Robert: Andy why don't we discuss this at a-- Andy: No, no, no, it's about being there for someone after it's become inconvenient for them to be around. Hello everyone, I am Andy Bernard and I am going to take that bitch home! That is a female dog reference. [Points at himself] This bitch understands loyalty! Sassy human reference [grabs dog] thank you, I will take Bella and every single one of her friends! Erin: Oh God! Senator: Mr. Bernard, right this way. Andy: Okay! Hope you all learned something! Vet: Huey is going to need this medication once every 90 minutes. You can administer it orally, but he's going to puke it up. So, other end is best. Don't split up Daisy and Mojo because daisy will start to, uh... I was going to say bark, but it's more of a scream. Andy: I'm so ready to love all of these animals. This one's even bonding with me already. Vet: Uh, no. Kenny's a therapy dog. He apparently thinks you're in some kind of emotional crisis. Andy: Stupid dog. Senator: Well, if you would like to talk about this some more, my office is always open! So here's my office number, and my cell number. Meredith: Thank you! Pam: Well, looks like he really did just want to talk about the issues. i'm Sorry Oscar. Oscar: sorry about what? There's nothing to be sorry about here. Oscar: No. I'm certainly not disappointed that Angelas husband was not hitting on me. I'd have to be a monster to root for that. A lonely, aging monster. Darryl: Tacos were on sale, eight for $3! Nellie: Oh, great! Okay, oh... Oh, these tacos! Darryl: Hmhmm. Nellie: Mmm! Uhh [Eats Taco incorrectly.] Mmmm... Oh! Hmmph! Darryl: She's trying. Speaker: The winner of the three day trip to the sky top lodge is Dwight Schrute! Dwight: [applause] Yes! Thank you! Speaker: The yearlong membership to Scraton-Bikram Yoga is Dwight Schrute! Dwight: [applause] Oh yes! Yeah! Speaker: A one hour appointment with the kissing magician goes to Dwight Schrute! Dwight: [applause] Oh, oh, oh! Yeah! Ha, ha! Speaker: Well, I think I can save us some time, Dwight Schrute has won every single item here! Dwight: Thank you very much! All I had to do was look at the prices, idiots! Suck it! Speaker: Well, Dwight, yes! You certainly are a record breaker! Your donation is the largest we've ever received at over 34 thousand dollars! [applause] Jim: Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Dwight: Thank you. Wow, I can't tell you what an honor it is to support this thing... And obviously that amount of money is no concern to me whatsoever. But, I want to ask you something: when did it become all about the money. when did it become about the flower arrangements, and the white wine spritser, hmm? and all the dinner rolls. you people should be ashamed of yourselves! How many courses did we have tonight, two? Three maybe, if you choose the pudding? I mean what waste! these tables tarted up like Victorian whores! lets' remember we are all here for the dog society. He's what's important, whatever his name is. Not any of this. So that is going to be my donation to you. Thank you and good night! [throws microphone and runs away] Senator: Oscar! Oscar: Nice to see you again, it was lovely! Senator: It was lovely! And don't forget to call. Oscar: okay Senator: thanks so much for coming Oscar: why does this always happen to me? Ahh! I just feel so bad for Angela Andy: [applying diaper to dog.] so it just goes on under here like this? Vet: that's right! Andy: Ugh, oh god! Vet: Yeah, you never get used to that. Jim: Hey, just wanted to check in. See how you are doing. Andy: I am so great! Erin: He's great. we're all great. Twelve dogs. This my life now, I'm a dog nurse. Jim: Look at that one though, he's smiling! Vet: Yeah, he should be! It's his first day without a muzzle. Andy: This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me Pam: Absolutely, it's awesome-- Jim: Yes-- Kevin: I'm sorry, are you guys nuts? He's not doing great! He was fired! This is terrible! This is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to you, not the best. Andy: You're right. he's right, I am a mess. This whole night I've been trying to convince you guys that I'm fine. I guess I thought that if I could convince you that I'm fine, maybe-- Vet: Maybe you would think it too! [silence.] I'm sorry, it's just I don't get to be in a lot of human conversations. Jim: Okay well, Andy, listen. It's okay if you don't feel totally settled. This is all very fresh. Pam: Yeah, I mean, admitting you need help is the first step! Andy: Yes! And also, focusing on the positive. Like I got a lot of good things going on! Jim: Yeah! Like that rock opera! You could always do that right? Andy: Yeah, I do. I have that. Jim: Yeah Erin: You're going to be alright Kevin: No. No he's not. Andy: Yes, I am! Thank you, Kev! Kevin: You're welcome! Kevin: Sometimes I feel like every one I work with is an idiot. and by sometimes I mean all times. All the times. Every of the times! Erin: So some of us ended up adopting those elderly dogs. It's been great! Darryl: Pepper's been getting me out of the house, going on runs. Kevin: My dog Ruby doesn't do anything, she just lays there all day! She's so chill. Pam: What do you feed her? Kevin: Well I put out Pro Bow-Wow, but she barely touches it. She's so dainty! Darryl: Is she sick? How are her poops? Kevin: Doesn't really poop. It's perfect, nothing to pick up! She just kind of lies there all day like a good girl. I put on the TV for her, but I have to prop her eyes open so she can see it. Pam: Does she smell? Kevin: She smells horrible. It's unbelievable. But I don't want to put her in the bath, because I'm afraid that she'll drown. Kevin: People seem awful interested in you Ruby. Guess they're just jealous, right! [dog licks Kevins face.] Yeah, that a girl, that a girl! Man that stinks!	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x22 - Fundraiser"}	foreverdreaming
Gabe: Ugh, man. My delts are blasted. I wish they had a chart for how much protein powder to scoop for a 180 pound man with no fat. Dwight: Protein powder, huh? You cut it with water? Why don't you just take estrogen? [swallows powder] [coughs] There you go boys. See how papa takes care of you? [kisses bicep] Mwah. Gabe: I remember when people thought biceps were all that. They'd flex them all night at the discotheque. Dwight: Oh, I bet you think it's all about core, huh? Gabe: Yeah. Dwight: Oh, please. Gabe: Core's critical. There are four tenets of pilates that I live my life by. One – lengthen. Two – elongate. Jim: Listen, guys, I think we all want to know the same thing, right? Who's the strongest? Well, there's only one way to solve that – flat curl contest. Jim: All right, here we go everybody. May the manliest man win. Go. Dwight: Feast on this, Lewis. Gabe: I love the burn. The burn is where I live. Jim: Come on, Gabe, you can't handle his hamstrings. You're getting hypno-thigh-zed. Gabe: Speed set. One. Two. Jim: Here, this is for your elbows, for your elbows. Dwight: Oh, thank you. Jim: You're welcome. Gabe: Five. Six. Jim: Quick phone call from you guys, keep going, All: Eight, nine, ten. Gabe: We got it? Dwight: Very funny Jim. Gabe: Yeah, Jim. Way to mock us for perfecting our bodies. Robert: Everyone, conference room, now. [Dwight and Gabe stand up, falling over] Jim: All right, easy there, grandpa. Dwight: I don't need your help. Jim: Okay. You don't need my help? Dwight: Here, here... Just... Andy: Morning. Erin: Hey. Andy: Somebody left in such a hurry this morning that she forgot... these. Erin: Oh. Andy: You know the only thing more delicious than your feet is the feast that I am going to prepare for everyone. Erin: Andy, if you're gonna hang out for a while, uh... Andy: What's this? Erin: This dumb rule Robert made, he just wants visitors to sign in. Andy: Is this Robert's attempt to embarrass me? Erin: No, of course not. It's just – I think it's like if we make an exception for you, then we have to make an exception for the water guy, and then, it's like, where does it end? So just... [puts visitors tag on Andy] Andy: Why is it when other people spend all their time at the office, they're rewarded for it, and when I do it, I am told it's a little much? ...Is it because I am not an employee anymore, because that's what it feels like. Jim: All right, well, enjoy the alumni game. Dwight: Good, we have a deal? Jim: Thanks Janet. Dwight: Thanks so much Earl. Jim: Wow, simultaneous sale. Dwight: And they said it couldn't be done. Boom! Jim: Screw ‘em. Andy: Lot going on guys. What's happening? Jim: Binghamton branch closed last night and their clients are up for grabs. Andy: That was a fine branch. Things are really bad under Robert California, I guess. It's like a festival of poo. Jim: Hey, hey, come on, language. Dwight: Yeah, and we're not interested in your sour grapes, okay? Jim, tell him where he can stick his grapes. Jim: In the fridge. Dwight: No, Jim, the butt, in his butt. Jim: Sorry, man, I can't focus on zingers. There's too many potential clients. Stanley: You two better watch yourselves. Phyllis: Yeah, the Syracuse branch can't be happy you're taking New York clients. Robert: Shh... shh... [vomits in trash can] Jim: Robert? Oscar: Why did Binghamton close? Robert: Can everyone just, please... I had a one-man saturnalia last night, in celebration of the finalization of my divorce. I got into a case of Australian reds, and – how should I say this – Columbian whites. What – what is this about, uh, Binghamton? Kevin: The branch closed. Forever. Robert: Closing the Binghamton branch never occurred to me before today. Or, I guess, last night. But, in vino veritas as they say, I'm not gonna start doubting my drunken self now. Nellie: I got your voicemail. From – from last night. Robert: Wonderful. Nellie: And the answer... is yes, yes, yes, yes, and never. [leaves] Robert: Pam, when's the last time you lived so intensely that your brain literally couldn't hold the memories in? Pam: Oh, it was this summer – Robert: Apparently, I left a phone message for Nellie last night, and I need you to find out what I said. Pam: Um, I am a little busy. Robert: Yes, ‘course. Why don't you list the things that would keep you from helping me. Pam: Yeah, I can make you a list. Robert: Let's do it now. What's number one? Pam: Why don't I help you now? Robert: There we go. Pam: Okay. [Andy cooking food by reception, Harry walks in] Harry: Who the hell are Jim Halpert and Dwight Schrute? Erin: Jim, Dwight, what are your last names? Dwight: And you are... Harry: Harry Jannerone, Dunder Mifflin Syracuse. [shocked look from Jim] Harry: What the hell's all this? Andy: Uh, cherries jubilee over homemade gelato. Harry: You live well down here in P.A. I want to talk to you guys right now. Oh, and Lloyd Gross too. Which one's that guy? Jim: The salesmen have a commission cap, but we figured out a way around it. Dwight: Lloyd Gross is a fictional salesman we invented to – how do I put this – steal from the company. Embezzle. To commit fraud. Jim: Okay, it sounds sketchy, but it helps us get more money. Dwight: Yes. Jim: Pam made a drawing of Lloyd. He is a blend of all the salesman. [shows sketch] Dwight: [pointing at Toby] There he is. That's Lloyd. Toby: Me? Creed: Yeah, you. Harry: Where do you get off crossing state lines? Toby: Now, we're actually a lot closer to Binghamton than you are. Kimosabe. Toby: I like to think Lloyd Gross is a no-nonsense guy who doesn't back down from anybody. And he calls people "Kimosabe". Harry: They're New York. We're New York. Sate line is the dividing line. That's the way it's always been. Jim: There's actually not a rule that says that. Dwight: That's true. Toby: That's true. There's no rule. You can check the employee handbook. Oh, can I check the employee handbook Lloyd? Well, does it say anything about me choking a man with my bare hands? Toby: No. Dwight: Wait, no? Are you kidding me? You told me there was a rule. I could've choked so many people by now. Harry: Stay out of my state. It's in your best interest to stay out of my state. Toby: I've seen guys like you. Big guys who like to push the little guys around. Lloyd Gross eats bullies like you for breakfast. Harry: Just stay out of New York, Lloyd. Toby: Hey, text from the old wife. Gonna take that. [runs outside] Jim: How about this? How about we just ask Robert? Can we all agree that maybe the C.E.O should decide this? Harry: Robert's here. Look at us. Bickering like schoolgirls, looking around the room for things to ht each other with. I don't think we were doing that. Dwight: Chair, lamp, plant, table leg, Jim's leg. Robert: Where's the Advil, Jim? I think I've ht my limit on the Tylenol – Oh. Andy: [Doing dishes] Sorry, not Jim. Robert: Andrew, what do we have to do to get rid of you? Hire you back and send Erin back to Florida? Andy: Message received loud and clear. Just have to get the caramelized sugar off the pan before it dries. Robert: Oh, for god – Harry: Robert California. What a surprise you're here in Scranton. Robert: Harry... Harry: So why would you close Binghamton down without a transition plan in place? Robert: How do you mean? Andy: I forgot, a... a pan, uh – Harry: No, no, no, no, no, kid, stay there, do your dishes, go ahead. Robert: Harry there is a time for every decision, predetermined many years ago. There's no benefit in questioning why this particular decision seems... so poorly timed. Dwight: Okay, what are you deciding? We get a say. Harry: Listen, Robert, I don't have time. There's a big client in play. Prestige direct mail solutions – Dwight: Don't listen to him. Harry: Used to be Binghamton's – Dwight: Nope. Harry: I want it, it's mine. Dwight: Prestige is ours. Okay, they're responsible for half of the junk mail on the eastern seaboard. We get them. We already put a call into them, Robert. Harry: We need you to make a decision. Dwight: Make a decision. Robert: I have decided. Neither of you are to have any contact with either Prestige or any other Binghamton client until I have figured out how to divide things up. As Solomon once said... [Andy walks out] Andy: Some bizarre energy in this place today. Robert is going off the rails, making some funky decisions. Like why is nobody gonna call on Prestige? That is a huge client. [walking to car] I mean, they could give their business to the first person to walk in the door. Could be any idiot. Any idiot at all. Robert: Shaping a company is, in a sense, similar to training a geisha. You have to mold not merely the physical form, but also the character. The two must harmonize. Are they still there? [camera pans to right, Harry, Dwight, and Jim watching Robert in conference room] They want a decision who gets the big client. Well, they can wait. I'll still be talking about geishas long past their bedtime. You know, I trained as one. Harry: Is it just me or is our boss a freakin' weirdo? [stands up, walks outside] I'm gonna get some air. Dwight: Jim, you know what would be really dastardly? If we snuck out of here and got to the client first. Jim: [Gets up and looks out Nellie's office window] He's running! Dwight: Damn it! Jim: Damn it. Dwight: Wha – what is this supposed to be? Jim: It's a monkey. Dwight: Jim, great real. This is not a monkey. It's got a hula skirt and a blue nose. Jim: Hold on, hold on. Is this him? Dwight: What? Jim: Is that him? Dwight: It's him! Do something! Get out! Jim: What? What am I gonna do? I don't – Dwight: Go slash his tires! Go dent his hood. [Jim opens passenger door] That's it? Oh, that's great. That's like a five second delay. Jim: Dwight! Dwight: Come on, let's go! Does this thing have turbo? Nitrous? ht the nos. Jim: Nos? You mean like in fast and furious? Dwight: Yeah. Jim: Oh, yeah, definitely have nos. Dwight: ht the nos. Jim: Are you sure? Dwight: Yes. Jim: Brace yourself. 3... 2... Dwight: Got it. Go. Jim: 1. Here we go! [turns on wipers] Andy: Hello. Andy Bernard to see the C.E.O. Receptionist: Oh, do you have an appointment? Andy: No, I do not. Receptionist: Okay, I think I can squeeze you in. Andy: Seriously? ‘Cause I could just be anyone. I mean, I thought I was gonna have to convince you. Receptionist: He's really not that busy. Mr. Ramish: Is there someone here to see me? Receptionist: Yes, this man. Mr. Ramish: Come on in. [Andy walks in] Pam: So...what do you make of this Robert California guy? I mean, what does a guy like that do on an average weeknight? Nellie: Oh. Oh, I'll tell you what he does. Angela:: [walks in] Hello! Hello, my clucking hens. Got room for another in the roost? Huh? Don't worry, I won't lay an egg. Angela:: Robert sent me to take over if Pam fails. If? [laughs] Angela:: I have been crunching numbers all day. Math is for boys. I need girl talk. Gabe: Did someone say girl talk? Gabe: Sometimes I wonder if I have ovaries in my scrotum, because I am great at girl talk. Gabe: Have you guys been watching any good Korean soap operas? I'm pretty deep into Hee-Jungcinderella girl. Although, I definitely fast-forward through the young-Tae storylines. Nellie: Do you think I'd like that, or is it important to have an Asian fetish? Gabe: Uh, I think you're gonna need to have an Asian fetish. Yeah. [chuckles] It'll be upsetting if you don't. Andy: I'm a former paper executive. I know the product. I know the margins. I can save you 25% on your costs. Mr. Ramish: Why haven't I heard of you? You got any references? Andy: No. I'm a rogue. Mr. Ramish: Uh-huh. Andy: Which is the best part. That means you will be my first customer and your business will get 100% of my attention. Now... [pulls out business card] I have written down my personal phone number. You call this anytime. Mr. Ramish: Every salesman I've ever met has given me his personal phone number. Andy: Of course they have. Which is why I'm giving you a key to my house. [gives key to C.E.O] Whatever you need – anytime, night or day – you just stop on by. Mr. Ramish: You want me to drive to your house if I need paper. Andy: Maybe you just want someone to talk to. Maybe... you need a place to crash for a couple of days. My wireless password is eat pray love. Easy to remember. Dwight: Ready? Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. [takes off belt, ties doors together] Dwight: [Running] Ahhh! [Slides into elevator] Jim: You all right? Dwight: Yeah. [Doors about to close, hand stops them] Oh. Jim: Ah! [Harry walks in] Jim: [Dwight pushes button for floor two] Dwight, what are you doing? Dwight: Go, go! Take the stairs! Now! Jim: What are you talking about? Dwight: Just run! Take the stairs! Jim: I don't even know where the stairs are! Dwight: I'll stall him. Go! Jim: God! Harry: [Dwight jumping] What are you doing? Dwight: I'm gonna activate the seismic failsafe. We'll be stuck between floors for hours. [pants fall down] Oh. [Jim runs in] My pants fell down. Jim: What? Dwight: My pants fell down! I don't have a belt! Dwight: [walks into lobby] Hello, sir. Good day. Dwight K. Schrute. Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. Forgive my pants, they fell down. An appointment with Mr. Ramish, please. Right now is fine. No, no, no, I was here first. Dwight K. Schrute. Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. Mr. Ramish: What's going on? Dwight: Well – Harry: Mr. Ramish, Harry Jannerone. Dunder Mifflin, Syracuse – Dwight: I was here first. Mr. Ramish: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay. Dwight: I already made an appointment... with your secretary. Mr. Ramish: Let me stop you all right here. I've already picked a new paper supplier. Dwight: Wait, it's not D.M Utica, is it? Mr. Ramish: No, no, it's not Dunder Mifflin at all actually. It's... Big Red Paper Company. Jim: Big Red Paper Company? Mr. Ramish: Mm-hmm. Andy: Yes, yes, yes! Harry: Give me a cup of coffee. Dwight: Me too. Or do you also have a monopoly on thirst? Jim: All right, guys. It didn't work out for any of us, so... we're still on the same team. Let me get these. Dwight: No. Let him get his own. It's Syracuse money. Harry: You know, your partner's got a lotta attitude. But I like that. How long you guys been dating? Dwight: Jim couldn't land me in a thousand years. Jim: But you're saying there's a chance. Dwight: Shut up. Pam: [Walks into conference room] Hey. Robert: Hmm. Pam: I stole Nellie's phone. Robert: Excellent. Excellent. Though troubling that your first instinct is thievery. Pam: What do you want from me? Robert: Now we get to the bottom of Nellie's "yes, yes, yes, yes, never." Phone: Hi, Nell, it's mom. Do keep your chin up. It can't be as bad as you described. Robert: Oh yes it can. Phone: This is MasterCard. You are over the limit. Send the minimum payment of $448 by Monday, or we will be forced to send it to collections. Robert: Shopaholic. Pam: Sounds like it. Robert: Yeah. Phone: Hi, sis. Is your boss still hitting on you? Robert: Ah. Phone: This is Annie from second nests. I'm sorry, but the Romanian orphanage felt more comfortable with a two-person nuclear family than a single mother, so, we're gonna hold out for that. Pam: Okay, that's enough. [grabs phone] Robert: Pam, we need to get to the bottom of this. Pam: No, no, no! Robert: No, come on. Pam: Robert! Okay, oops! I deleted them all. They're all deleted. Robert: Pam, Pam, you've completely bungled this! Pam: Ah. Ahh. [walks out] Pam: Hey. Nellie: Can I do it, Pam? Can I put off a gold Arabian sandal? Pam: Um... yes. Definitely. With your hair – Nellie: Oh! Pam: Certainly. Um... you dropped your cell phone. Nellie: Oh, gosh. Pam: Yep. Nellie: Thank you. I'm... so stupid. Pam: No. My goodness. You have a lot going on. With Robert and everything. Nellie: Oh, god, Pam. Don't get me started. Pam: No, I will not. Nellie: You've just got me started. Robert... is... a filthy beast. I mean, don't you get the feeling, he's just thinking of fifteen different ways to do you? Pam: Well – Nellie: I mean, the man talks of nothing but sex. Pam: But sometimes he talks about flesh... and bacchanals. Nellie: I cannot even tell you what he left on my phone last night. Pam: No... don't. Just put it out of your mind. Nellie: Pam, what is your address? I'm gonna send you a pair of these gold harem shoes. Oh, no. You don't – Nellie: Oh yes. Come on, a little gold Arabian slipper. Nellie: Things are looking up. I might be a mother soon. I have MasterCard right where I want them. And... I have a new friend. A friend. At work. Robert: [Erin opens door] Erin. Erin: There's a call for you on line one. Robert: Who is it? Erin: He says salvation. No last name. Robert: Yeah, hello? Andy: [in car] You once put me on a list of the losers in the office. Well, this loser just got your biggest client to give him all their business. So hire me back, that business is yours. Don't, and I will find another buyer. Robert: You're blackmailing me. Andy: It's just business. Robert: Ah, well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penised debutante. You wanna start a street fight with me, bring it on. You're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. You don't even know my real name. I'm the bleep lizard king. [disconnects] Andy: Whoa. Well I gave him a chance. [gets out of car, walks to house] David: [opens door] Andy Bernard. Andy: You got a minute? David: Um... I'm in the middle of a piano lesson. Andy: I wanted to see if I could interest you in an investment. Dunder Mifflin. David: Dunder Mifflin. [closes door] Now... why would I want that? It's worth half of what it was three years ago. Andy: Exactly. And you know better than anyone that with the right management it could be worth twice what you would pay for it today. David: Why don't you come in? [Andy walks in, closes door] Harry: So what would you do if you weren't selling paper? Jim: Oh, man, I'd have to sell beets. Probably submit them for competitions. Dwight: What? Jim: Yeah! I know it sounds stupid, but nationals has always kinda been a dream of mine. Dwight: How have we never talked about this before? Wait. You don't even care about nationals. Harry: Nothing? Jim: I don't know. I've always wanted to own a bike shop, but what about you? Harry: I'd like to sell one big thing, you know? Like... a plane. One sale, I'm out. Jim: That sounds lovely. Harry: Anyway, Robert's gonna run this company into the ground, so... We won't be doing this in six months.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x23 - Turf w*r"}	foreverdreaming
Oscar: [to webcam] Hello. My name's Oscar. I'm an accountant in Scranton, Pennsylvania and I'm gay. And I'm here to tell you that yes- it does get better. When I was younger, um- Phyllis: What's he doing? Dwight: He's searching out younger gays. Phyllis: Oh. Oscar: No, it's just a way to tell young people, no matter how hard it gets for them, there's a brighter future ahead. Dwight: ...with you. [chuckles] Oscar: No matter how hard it gets for you, eh- Kelly, seriously, I- Kelly: Just keep chatting. I'm just checking my makeup in your webcam. Oscar: Do you not own a mirror? Kelly: Webcams make me look the way I do in my fantasies. Pam: I know, right? What is it? You always look so good in those things. Kelly: I'm throwing out all my mirrors. Oscar: Okay, as you can see, I now have a cool job at a dynamic workplace. Being gay is a celebration of life, it's a simple- Robert: No, I'm sorry, I just can't sit idly by and have the gay youth of America misled by some reductionist- Oscar: It's not misleading. Robert: -pep talk. Sexuality is a spectrum. It's a paradox to think of any sexual activity as "normal." It gets better but it also gets vastly more complicated. Kevin: Hey, Robert, that guy, he looks just like you. [Robert backs into Kevin's nose] Ooh! [whimpers] Robert: Ow! Damn it, Kevin! God! Dwight: You okay, Robert? Robert: Fine. Dwight: Put some ice on it. Oscar: In any case, it gets better. [Kevin cries] Maybe- maybe not much better... but better. Sasha: One, two, three! Dwight: I wanted to give a nice gift to the tenants in the building. At first I thought, "muffin basket." Then I thought, "What's even more precious to people than muffins?" Jake: Can you just smile, please? Meredith: I don't want to! Dwight: ...their own children. Dwight: Hey everybody, just a few hours left for the free family portrait studio. Darryl. We'd love to see little Jada come by. Angela? Why don't you bring by your little angel? Angela: No thank you. Dwight: Jim, you've got those two cute kids. We sure would love to see them. Jim: I know why you're doing this, Dwight. Jim: Last week, I may have gone too far. I'll explain it quickly. Basically, I found out where he gets his clothes dry-cleaned. Custom ordered the same suit, made with tear-away Velcro. And... you can fill in the rest. Dwight: [Jim rips off his clothes] Wha-? [Stanley laughs] Damn it, Jim! Jim: Now he's trying to get me to bring my children in to work. I think it's fair to be cautious. Darryl: Let me get this straight. You lost all of it. All your winnings. A hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Hide: Bad economy. Bad investment. Darryl: You mean to tell me no one wanted an energy drink for Asian hm? Calvin: They did not. Darryl: And you got half a million of these? Well I gotta try it. Calvin: I wouldn't. Darryl: Aw, come on. What's the harm? [makes face] Mmm. What flavor was that? Hide: Coconut penis. Darryl: The coconut's pretty subtle. Calvin: Come on, man. Can't you just give us a yes or a no? Darryl: I don't know, man. Y'all quit with a lot of confidence. I mean, it was like, y'all came up in here dancing and everybody was- [sees Val] ooh, hold on a second. [sees Brandon] Oh. Darryl: If I were Val, I would break up with Brandon. Then I would date the hell out of me. I wouldn't give in to me too fast, let me buy myself some nice dinners and such. But when I finally did give in, I would go crazy on myself. Andy: [wearing janitor outfit] Hi guys. Jim: How's it going, man? Andy: [whimpering] I'm- I'm good, thank you. And how are you? Jim: Great, yeah, good. Gabe: Oh, how the mediocre have fallen. Nellie: Oh God. Andy: Look, I'm not here to get my old job back. I had my opportunity, I blew it, I'm moving on. I just wanted to come in here and literally beg you for something, anything. I will sweep the floors, water the plants... Nellie: No, you don't understand- Andy: Clean the toilets. Nellie: I don't need anyone to- Andy: Pull the poop out of the toilets. Nellie: That's not even a thing. Andy: Just, please... Nellie: Andy. Andy: Please! Nellie: Andy. Andy: Give me something! Nellie: Why don't you clean the carpets for today? Andy: Thank you. Nellie: You're welcome. Up you get then. Pick yourself up. There it is. Andy: Thank you. Nellie: You don't need to- Andy: I have a delicious secret. Creed: Good, good. This carpet's overdue for a good mopping. Jim: Is a mop the most efficient tool to use on a carpet? Andy: Yeah, it is actually. Andy: Mmm, I can't hold it in any longer. Um, I am faking this, okay? Because I convinced David Wallace to buy Dunder Mifflin back from Sabre. And at three o'clock today he's gonna walk in here and reinstate me as manager. Pam: [enters with the kids] Family picture! Jim: Pam? No! Pam: What? Honey, we talked about this. Jim: No, we talked about not bringing them in to Dwight's photo studio slash trap. Pam: Yes, and then we decided that was crazy. Jim: No, we decided it was crazy not to worry about it. Pam: No, we settled in a much more rational place, remember? Jim: Nope. Pam: We decided that there's no way Dwight would harm a child. Jim: But are you a hundred percent sure? I don't think any of us are. Pam: No, no. Jim: Nope. Pam: But it's free. And we'll keep our eye on them. Jim: That's- Pam: Yes! Jim: That's- Pam: And we'll make sure Dwight doesn't do anything C-R-A-Z-Y. Jim: Okay. Kevin: Wait, C-R-A-Z... Dwight: Great, right up there. Pam: Yeah? Jim: Yeah. You just sit right here. Here we go. Pam: Okay. Jim: Alright. Why don't you just- Pam: Oh, great. Thank you. Jim: -give him to me and... perfect. Pam: Okay. Jim: This is great. Pam: You ready? Jim: Excuse me. Pam: There we go. Jim: Just do it. Pam: I'll just stand here? Jim: Yeah, just keep your eye on Dwight, great. Photographer: Sir, could you look into the camera? Jim: Let's do it, sht it. Photographer: Sir. Jim: Great. Dwight: Up here. [whistles] Jim: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dwight: Jim, right here, right here. [snaps fingers] Okay, good. Jim: Oh, so that's it? Dwight: That's it. Pam: See? That wasn't so hard. Dwight: Cute kids, thanks for coming. Senator Lipton: Hello, Erin. Hello, everybody. Angela: Uh, what? Why? Uh, hi honey. What- how are you doing? Senator Lipton: Hi, you know, my office got a call that they were shting family portraits right here. And if there's one thing that every politician instinctively understands, it's a good photo op. Phyllis: [laughs] Yeah. Angela: Heh. Erin: Okay, you're going to go through the hallway. Here's a map. And if you get lost, just follow the blue line. [points to line on floor] Senator Lipton: Thanks. Dwight: Well, well, well. Senator Lipton, welcome. Angela. Angela: Dwight. Dwight: Nice to see you. May I hold him? Senator Lipton: Sure. Angela: No. I am going to hold him because I haven't seen him all day. Angela: I think that Dwight is doing this whole thing to, um, get a sample of my baby's DNA to prove he's the father. Which... is impossible... because the senator is the only man I've ever been with. Angela: [Phillip cries] See the duckie! Dwight: Okay, hold on for a second, folks. A few of the baby's hairs are out of place. Senator Lipton: Oh, thank you. Angela: [slaps Dwight's hand away] No. No. I like the baby's hair the way it is. Dwight: Really? Andy: This is getting more and more delicious by the minute. [gargles alcohol, chokes, coughs] It's go time. Andy: Hey Nellie, I made soup - I made you some soup. Nellie: Well, I don't want any soup. Andy: But it's really good- [drops soup] Oh! Nellie: Oh come on, Andy! Erin: I know this is going to be a great payoff. Andy: A delicious moment. Erin: But after you're manager, some of these images are going to be hard to shake. Andy: Well, but it- Erin: Just calibrate. Okay? Calibrate. Dwight: Okay, here we go. Oh, you know what? I don't want to throw a wrench in the works, but I want everything to be perfect and the baby's fingernails are just bothering me- Angela: Uh-uh, leave us alone. Senator Lipton: I guess we're okay with the fingernails. Dwight: Okay, great. Suit yourself. Although, are those excess skin cells on the baby's cheek distracting to you as well? Angela: Dwight, we're fine! Senator Lipton: Oopsie, did somebody make a boopsie? Angela: Oh no. [laughs] Senator Lipton: I'm just gonna take him out and change him just for a second. Dwight: He defecated, aw. Senator Lipton: You're stinky. Darryl: A lot has changed since y'all left, okay? You're gonna have to jump through some hoops. And the new foreman is here. Now she's one of the best we've ever known, okay? So I need you to show her your upmost respect. Make sure she feels welcome and at home, okay? Can you do that? Brandon: That's some pretty blatant complementing you're doing there, man. I don't even talk to her like that. Val: Uh, Brandon? Darryl: I would. Brandon: You would? Darryl: Yeah. Brandon: Sounds like you're trying to ht on my girlfriend. Val: Calm down, he's not. Darryl: Yes, I am. Just so everyone's on the same page. Brandon: [scoffs] So you really think she's gonna leave a guy who owns his own restaurant for a dude who ate his own restaurant? Val: Brandon! Darryl: Good slam. Brandon: Thank you, Biggie. Darryl: Good luck to you. Brandon: Oh, and have a burger for me. Senator Lipton: Okay, shall we take a few more? Angela: I think we have all the shts we need. Thank you, Dwight. Senator Lipton: Okay. There we go. Angela: No! Dwight! Give me the diaper! Dwight! Dwight: Is this what you were looking for? Huh? Huh? Toby: Andy, we wanted to talk to you. A lot of us are very concerned about you. Nellie: You're dirty, you stink of booze, you're limping inexplicably. Andy: I just want you guys not to worry. 'Cause old Andy's gonna be just fine. Jim: No, no, see? This is what we're talking about. I mean, what was that accent? And last time I checked, you were drunk and now you're not drunk... Erin: No, unfortunately it's true. He's been a nightmare. And the worst part is, he's been taking it out on me. Nellie: What? Pam: You h*t her? Andy: No. That is not the deal. Calibrate. Erin: He's not hitting me. But, he's been verbally abusing me- Andy: That's not true either! That's also total- Everyone, please relax. I think you're gonna like this surprise guest. Gabe: [enters] Happy birthday to Gabe! Nellie: Oh, get out, skeleton man! Toby: I can refer you to someone to talk to. Andy: [his phone rings] Huh? Hold on. Toby: Give you a name or- Andy: I just gonna- quick- [answers phone] Hello? Hey, what's the scoop? Are you close? What? No. no, no, no, no, no. You have to come now. Traffic clears? No, next Friday... that's not gonna work. Okay. Yeah. Okay. [inhales, hangs up] Damn it! Well, this is not going to be quite as delicious as I wanted, but I do have a very tasty announcement for you guys. Not only am I not a lowly janitor, I am the regional manager once again! Guys, I got my old job back! Jim: Oh boy. Pam: Oh, Andy. Oscar: What? Andy: I'm not crazy. I convinced David Wallace to give me my job back. Oscar: David Wallace hasn't worked here in years. Andy: Okay, yes, I see the confusion. I saw David at the fundraiser. He is now a multi-millionaire because he sold his toy vacuum "Suck It" to the U.S. military. Jim: Andy, come on. Kevin: Even I know that's weird. Andy: I- I- Okay, I get how that sounds crazy. Toby: Hey, Andy, Nobody's calling you crazy, Andy. We're your friends, Andy. Andy: Stop saying my name. Erin: No, he's not making this up. Andy: Thank you, Erin. Erin: Andy tells me about seeing David Wallace all the time. Pam: But have you ever actually seen him yourself? Erin: Oh my God. Andy: Erin, come- Come on. You know I've been talking to David Wallace. Toby: Do you see David Wallace in the room right now? Dwight: [into phone] Operation Phoenix is a go. Just get the car ready. Kelly: Now you look at me like you're adoring me, I'm gonna look at the camera like I don't even know you're there. Ravi: I do adore you. Robert: Andrew, it's time for you to go home. You're better than this. Andy: Yeah, I know. Robert: Everyone's better than this, because this is the worst thing I have ever seen. [drinks coconut penis energy drink] Why'd they add coconut? I miss original. Jim: Hey. Others: Hey! David: Hey guys, long time. Pam: David, what are you doing here? Phyllis: Is it true you're buying the company? David: Okay, I guess the word is out. Uh, please keep this a secret, but yes, I've been talking with Andy- Andy: What? Thought I heard my name. What? I'm the new manager? David: I'll get to that in a second, Andy. Andy: But it's- it is- it is me? Right? David: Yes, as we've discussed- Andy: What? David: But it's very possible- Andy: Oh my God! David: Probable. Andy: Wow. From janitor to manager? David: Yep. Andy: That's quite a Cinderella story. From M-O-P to M-V-P. David: There's an official announcement, a few details to be- Andy: From total loss to total boss, I mean- Stanley: Can we expect any payroll interruptions? David: Now that is a great question, Stanley. Right now I think all your operations or most of your operations are pretty much down in Florida, so to shift back up- Andy: I was so looking forward to that and it did not... go as I thought it would. Phyllis: So we're not gonna be a part of Sabre anymore? David: Actually, nothing is gonna be a part of Sabre anymore. Jo Bennett's planning on liquidating the rest of the company. Robert: Oof. [laughs] Wouldn't wanna be a Sabre employee right about now. [laughs] I'm actually the CEO. David: Ah, I didn't realize you were standing there. Robert: Hey, my friend, trust me. This is for the best. I never understood that corporate mess. David: Well, okay. Great to meet you. Robert: Likewise, I'm Bob. Bob Kazamakis. David: Pleasure. Robert: I'd love to give you a little rundown on what I've learned about this place. David: That's very gracious of you, Bob. I would love that. Robert: Please. [laughs] Andy: Guess I'd better take off these dirty rags. Figure out how to be a manager of this place. Jim: Perhaps your year of experience managing this branch will come in handy. Andy: Gosh, I hope so. Angela: No! God, Mose! God! Mose: Hi, Angela. Angela: Get out of the car! Get out! Where is he? Mose: I'm not supposed to say. Angela: Yes! [slaps Mose] Tell me! Tell me where he is! Mose, damn it! Where did he go? Mose! Get back here! Darryl: [taking photo with Jada] Let's see that smile. Go on. [waves to Val] Val: [stands next to him] Right here? Darryl: Cool. Andy: Looks like I might get my delicious moment after all. Nellie: May I say one thing? Andy: It would be rude of me not to let you say whatever's on your mind. Nellie: The quality of mercy is not strained. Andy: No. Nellie: It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath. Andy: Do not bring Shakespeare into this. How dare you play the bard card? Nellie: It blesseth he who gives and he who takes. 'Tis mightiest in the mightiest. Andy: I just want one mother[bleep] delicious moment. Is that too much to ask? Andy: If I were to hire you back. If. What do you think you would do well? Nellie: Special projects manager, that's my background. I just go around doing whatever I want. Andy: All right, you sly bastard. When can you start? David: Okay everyone. I had a conversation with Bob, and since I am going to be CEO now there'll be no need for him. Meredith: Ouch. That's gotta hurt! David: But, he is going to be making so much money from the liquidation, he's gonna be freed up to do something much more important. Robert: David has generously offered to donate one million dollars in matching funds to a cause that's very dear to me. So, for the next three years, I'll be travelling overseas, concentrating all of my efforts on educating- mentoring, some African, some Asian, but mainly Eastern European women. David: I had no idea how pervasive this problem was until Bob explained it to me. Robert: Oprah Winfrey's leadership academy and other schools like it, while wonderful, end with high school. I want to see these girls right through college, especially the gymnasts. They've lost so many years of crucial education to perfecting their bodies. Muscle groups the rest of us can't even fathom. Andy: Gymnasts? You're going to seek out uneducated gymnasts? Robert: Yeah, so I'm hoping to identify some truly exceptional women who show great promise. Well, Andy, it's been fun. Andy: Mm. Mm-hmm. [they hug, Robert kisses him on the lips] Robert: It's been a great year. Dwight: Hello. Angela: Where is it? Dwight: They're testing it now. Angela: How long does it take to get the results? Dwight: Seventy-two hours. Angela: You're gonna wait here? Dwight: Yes. [Angela sits and holds his hand] Angela: [Dwight kisses her] Dwight, I can't do this. Dwight! Senator Lipton: Hey. Oscar: Senator Lipton. Hey, how are you? Senator Lipton: You didn't call. Oscar: Um, well, uh, the issue that I- that concerned me... Senator Lipton: You know what this is about. [covers Phillip's eyes] Call.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x24 - Free Family Portrait Studio"}	foreverdreaming
Season 8 - Episode 01 "The List" [ 08x01 Deleted Scene 1 ] Andy: I gotta say, I think it's kinda cool not knowing. It's like one of those movies that ends on a note of mystery. Did the butler do it? Are they ghosts? You know? It's kinda sophisticated. Kelly: Everybody hates those endings! Pam: [weepy] Yeah, I hate those endings. Oscar: I- [Sees Kevin looking at the list upside down and turns it.] Kevin: I was looking for patterns. Oscar: I know. Ryan: It's all a mind game. He wanted us to see the list. He's a genius. You guys just don't get him. Creed: I made a list like this for Congress when I worked in Hollywood in the 50's, they're meaningless. Toby: Guys. Really, it's ok. Everyone has made a really solid first impression, I don't think there's any reason for anybody to worry. Toby: I am on the wrong side, and I am freaking out here. [ 08x01 Deleted Scene 2 ] Dwight: [grunting, trying with Jim to lift Kevin planking on his desk] Man, it's like hoisting a manatee. I can't get a grip it's so vast. Jim: Ryan? A little help? Dwight: God. How do whalers do it? Ryan: Here's the way trends move across the country. They start in Japan. L.A. And New York get it soon after that. Seattle looks at it, decides not to do it. Chicago gets it three months later. Then it travels down the Mississippi, OK? All the red states start doing it. Good Morning America does a piece about it. And then, it shows up in Scranton. Andy: Creed! Wha- [Shoves Creed with his foot, Creed grunts] This is a safety issue with you. There's no way to know if you're dad! Gabe: Good morning. [suitcase falls and he laughs awkwardly] Gabe: Corporate wants me up here, Dunder Mifflin wants me down there. What they worked out is that Monday, Wednesday and Friday I'm here in Scranton, Tuesday Thursday I'm in Tallahassee, I mean I feel like Vera Farmiga in Up in the Air, you know? More money more problems. Although, I didn't get a raise, so you know. Same money, more problems. Ryan: It's called owling. You'll read about it in like eight months. [ 08x01 Deleted Scene 3 ] Jim: Uh, I will have the chicken piccata with a side salad. Robert: That sounds good. Kevin: Chicken piccata, side salad. Darryl: Chicken piccata, salad on the side please. Oscar: I'll start with a side salad and uh, oh, chicken piccata. Toby: Chicken piccata, side salad. Angela: Side salad, chicken piccata on the side. Phyllis: I'll start with a side salad, then a chicken piccata. Dwight: Steak. Rare. Robert: Jim, you alright? What are you doing? Jim: Good. What? Nothin' Pam: Oh! Text from Jim. "This is..." hmm. Ryan: Profound man, your husband. Dwight: One more. To our boss! All: Hey! Jim: I don't think we have to do this again cause it's gonna take a whole. [everyone clinks glasses] Dwight: You know what? Let us treat you. What do you say? It has been such a pleasure. Robert: I can expense it. Darryl & Oscar: Let him expense it, Dwight. Dwight: I insist. It is gonna be our treat, please? Robert: Thank you. Waiter: Hi, Mr. Shrute. I've waited on you before. I just wanted to let you know that gratuity is not included in the bill and tips are expected. Dwight: Oh, tips are expected? Waiter: Yes sir. Dwight: Then expect to be shocked. Jim, you owe me $14.75. Oscar, $14.75. Darryl.... Gabe: My entire childhood, I was the one left out, and I said to myself: Gabe, if you just achieve some success, you'll be part of them. You'll be part of the happy ones. But instead, people just used my success as a new way to shut me out. Meredith: Hey, this ain't no Breakfast Club, bitch. Dwight: Whoo! Yeah! Yeah! Jim: Come on, man. Dwight: Winners! Season 8 - Episode 02 "The Incentive" [ 08x02 Deleted Scene 1 ] Andy: When you're a kid, you picture a pilot kinda like this [imitates plane noises while steering wildly] But then you learn that's crashing the plane. The right way to do it is more like this. [calmly pulls imaginary steering back and forth] Or better yet, like this. [takes hands off imaginary wheel] Now that I'm manager, I think about that a lot. I let Dwight run the meetings, I let good people do good work and I stay out of the way. Andy: Which combo do you think Robert's gonna like better? Phyllis: Just wear one of your bowties. Kelly: No! I mean, let him, he should just explore other options... Kelly: Bowties, no offense, are a black thing. They're for rappers and NBA players. I cringe when I see Tucker Carlson trying to pull off a bowtie. It's like yeah Tucker, you're so street. Andy: This is combo number seven. All: Hmm, no. Pam: I don't like that clip. Andy: You're right, you're right, you're right. Uh! It's so hard to find an occasion for this clip. Jim: I'd hang on to it though, cause I can think of a bunch. Like a 70's theme party, or a 70's theme meeting, or a 70's theme convention... Andy: Sure. Jim: 1870's... Andy: Thanks T-Dog. Ryan: T-Dog? Toby: I thought I was T-Dog. Jim: Nope, he means tuna dog. Andy: Tuna dog! [ 08x02 Deleted Scene 2 ] Andy: I thought the plane was flying pretty well on auto-pilot. And then Robert California ran into the cockpit with a gn and he was like "Fly this plane to Cuba, and on the way bmb Texas" Well I don't know how to get there. Or even how to fly, even. And I don't have any bmb. Erin: Hey. Maybe it'd help to just talk it over. Over a cup of cool old tea. Andy: [sighs] Yeah. Erin: What if you were to just start with your ideas about how to double profits. Just say them all and maybe one of them will rise to the top. Andy: I don't have any ideas though. Erin: Well I have an idea. Andy: You do? Erin: What if Dunder Mifflin were to take on 15-20 foster kids? You'd get huge checks from the government and honestly they would be ecstatic to live in the warehouse. It would be like Hogwart's. Andy: Yeah....I don't think that's legal. It's a nice thought though. [Erin hands Andy a gift] What is this? Erin: I just wanted to say congratulations on your new job, officially. Andy: You didn't have to do that. [opens box to reveal red mouse cat toy attached to key chain] Erin: I saw it at the checkout counter, it made me think of you. I don't know why. I made it into a key chain. Andy: You're the only person who's congratulated me. Season 8 - Episode 03 "Lotto" [ 08x03 Deleted Scene 1 ] Toby: If I won the lottery, I don't know. I don't think I'd make any changes to my life. Quit my job, move, meet someone.... Ryan: I'd give 35% to AIDS related charities. 25%. If they can't cure AIDS with 25%, the extra ten's not gonna make a difference. At some point, you're just throwing good money after bad. Phyllis: The first thing I'd buy is new boobs. For my mom. She has the worst boobs. It- It's embarrassing. [ 08x03 Deleted Scene 2 ] Jim: Ok, ok. We are so close. All we have to do is figure out that corner and we're basically there. Dwight: I know. Kevin, we've been friends for a long time, right? Kevin: Egons. Dwight: So if I was to ask you to sacrifice your body and lay down on a greasy corner and act as a human bumper shield- Jim: Ok, Dwight! Come on. Here, I think I have an idea. Dwight: I wouldn't be asking you lightly, now would I? Kevin: No. Dwight: Right. Now do you wanna wear a trash bag, er... Jim: Dammit Dwight! Kevin: However it's normally done. [ 08x03 Deleted Scene 3 ] Jim: Ok, I have a question. Why is the truck so far away? Kevin: Yeah Jim, why's it so far? Erin: Why's it so far away? Jim: Ok, I just asked that ques-, I don't know. I mean it seems like the door is huge, right? So you should be able to back the truck up to the paper. Dwight: Yeah, why is it so far away Jim? Jim: So this warehouse has been around for what? Like a thousand years? And they never thought to back the truck up into it? I guess sometimes it just takes a fresh set of eyes. Alright! [knocks on side of truck] Kevin: Back... Erin: Yeah. Kevin: That looks good. Back. Whoa whoa whoa! Jim: Whoa whoa whoa! Erin: You're doing great! A little farther away from the wall! Kevin: No no no! Erin: Good... Jim: No! Stop! Stop stop stop stop! You're way over! Ok, you gotta cut it! Cut it hard! (bleep!) Stop stop stop stop! Stop, stop! Dammit Dwight. Great. Dwight: Come on! Jim: Good. Season 8 - Episode 04 "Garden Party" [ 08x04 Deleted Scene 1 ] Oscar: I cannot believe how condescending Andy's being. Darryl: He gets condescending when he's nervous. Or when he's excited or sleepy. Not an easy person to be friends with. Meredith: Well I just hate being treated like some bum with no class. I'm a lady. I'm a mother. I'm a former boxer! Andy: Hey guys, getting psyched for the party? Ryan? Can I count on you to wear an understated satirical outfit? Ryan: Can't wait. A folk colonialist gathering when unemployment's at 9%. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Andy: Awesome. Dwight: Erin....the receptionist! Andy: Oh, oh, oh, Kevin. I am reminded of a lame but useful saying I learned as a kid. What is the difference between Hors d'oeuvres and the animals on Noah's ark? Kevin: What? Andy: With Hors d'oeuvres we only take one at a time. Kevin: Oh, OK. What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a blonde? Jim: Chapter seven: The host should always present something spectacular to draw the eye of his guests. Dwight: When all this is over, I'd like to actually go to one of Trickington's parties, they sound like a blast. Dwight: Ladies and Gentlemen! I present to you...the Alamo! [reveals lump of ice] Angela: Little Cici asleep? Pam: Yeah, she just went down. Angela: Such a precious little angel. Pam: Aww. Angela: Cecilia....and Phillip. Pam: Yes, after my grandfather. Angela: Phillip is wasted on you. Jim is never gonna take the time to call him Phillip! He doesn't even take the time to get a haircut. And Phil! Ugh! It's just something you do to a hole! Pam: Well I'm having my baby first, so that's that. Angela: You know what? It could go either way. My doctor said my hips are so dainty that I'll most definitely have a C-section, so I could go early. Pam: You think your doctor's going to give you a C-section at six months? Angela: Yeah! If I request it he will. And that is that. Andy: My parents are used to a certain type of class. The people that I work with are a different type of class. One is not better than the other, it's just that maybe one's a little higher than the other? Season 8 - Episode 05 "Spooked" [ 08x05 Deleted Scene 1 ] Angela: Oh, no. Jim: Pink is the red- Robert: What are we talking about? Jim: I was talking about my wife, and how she believes in ghosts. And then we had a little debate. Meredith said she believes in them too. Robert: Have you seen a ghost? Meredith: Seen and banged. Oscar: Hmph. Meredith: Ok, I met him in a bar, right? There's something weird about him. He doesn't smell right, the clothes are all tattered and dirty and from another age. Anyways, we end up back and my place and we go at it all night- Oscar: Meredith, don't. Robert: No, no. I'm very comfortable with all things sexual. Continue. Meredith: I wake up the next morning, all my stuff's gone. Whole house turned over. No trace. You tell me what happened. Robert: Have you considered the possibility that you slept with a drifter? Meredith: He didn't smell like a drifter. [ 08x05 Deleted Scene 2 ] Bert: What are you anyway? Dwight: I'm a Jamaican zombie woman. Leave me alone, ghoul. Bert: I'm a zombie from Walking dad. It's a show. Dwight: Uh, I know what it is. Ok? I have like a thousand people over every week to watch it. Ok? We all kinda hate it though. Bert: Who's your favorite character? Dwight: The city of Atlanta. [ 08x05 Deleted Scene 3 ] Stanley: If ghosts are real, how come everyone knows what they look like? It's not like a bunch of people got together and agreed on a lie. Pam: Thank you. Oscar: Interesting. Every culture holds this true. Clearly, there's some sort of real phenomenon out there... Jim: Oscar, how are you on that side? Pam: This isn't about sides. This is about me seeing a blueish gray old man in the mirror and then he vanishes. Creed: Pam, this is important. Was he me? Am I him? Pam: No, Creed. Jim: But that would make more sense. [Pam sighs] Season 8 - Episode 06 "Doomsday" [ 08x06 Deleted Scene 1 ] Andy: Let's not make any mistakes today. Or at least no more than four. Stanley: This doomsday device sounds like a scare tactic to me. Y2K all over again. Stanley: Oh, I was all about the Y2K bug. Paid some guy to update my PC, threw out my microwave, canceled my plane ticket, sold all my stocks, spent New Year's Eve with a gas mask on my face. I was even wearing a diaper! Someone said Y2K would get the toilets. Pam: This could be real. Dwight's pretty handy with computers. He fixed my laptop once. Jim: Ok, he didn't fix it. The brightness level was all the way down. Pam: You couldn't fix it. Jim: I wasn't here that day. Pam: Yes you were. Jim: No- Ok. Well, we'll talk about it later. Straussburg! I had a meeting in Straussburg and I dropped you off beforehand. I was wearing a tan shirt with stripes? Pam: I don't think so, babe. Jim: Ok, this is crazy. [ 08x06 Deleted Scene 2 ] Jim: I have never played squash. But I have seen it in countless 80's movies and it seems like the most common mistake is that you serve too hard and ht yourself right in the squash balls. So, as long as I don't do that, I think I'll be alright. Robert: Eleven love. I win again. Jim: [grunts] Good game. You are a worthy opponent. You wanna play one more? Robert: I don't think so. Jim: No? Come on. Robert: Why? Not only are you terrible at squash, but you don't even seem to enjoy it. Jim, this is not enough of a challenge for me. Jim: Well, that is... because you didn't realize that... I was left-handed. [ 08x06 Deleted Scene 3 ] Darryl: What are you doing here, Gabe? Gabe: Well Darryl, considering that I basically own the place, I'm just chillin' at mi casa. This is me, in repose..I suppose. Gabe: You know, there's this expression: Bro's before Ho's. And what that's short for is brothers before whores. Uh, I don't buy that. I would throw any brother under the bus for any whore. Woman. [ 08x06 Deleted Scene 4 ] Andy: Robert, do you wanna smoke pipes during our meeting? Robert: Let's wait, until we have something to smoke about. Andy: Yes. Of course. [whispers] Erin..[throws pipes at Erin] Dwight: Hey, Andy. Andy: Yeah? Dwight: Maybe I could sit in on this one with you? You know, that way I can cover you in case you need to urinate or you just want another opinion, or defecate... Andy: I don't think so. Dwight: Well I just thought with my new increased responsibilities and all... Andy: Yeah. I'm still figuring out the two man bobsled here, so let's hold off on the D-man for now. Season 8 - Episode 08 "Gettysburg" [ 08x08 Deleted Scene 1 ] Robert: Haha! There he is. You mind lending a hand? I'm typing up a memo to share your ideas with the board. Kevin: I can do that. Robert: Great....ok. Kevin: Your arm feels good on my back. Kevin: For some reason, my boss is obsessed with cookies. It's not my specialty. My specialty is pizza. But I'm flexible. [ 08x08 Deleted Scene 2 ] Andy: Charge! Kelly: Isn't Gettysburg like three hours away? Erin: No. It's like two hours and forty-six minutes. Andy: It's kind of a haul, so we should probably get going. And tuna, I made a special sandwich for you, guess which kind. Jim: Tuna? Andy: Yes! Tuna of the land. Turkey. With pesto. Jim: And to drink? Andy: Water. Jim: Oh-ho, I am in. Jim: I'm excited, I've actually never been to Gettysburg. Uh, my family was gonna go once, but then my brothers convinced me if was full of dad soldier zombies, so I freaked out and we turned the car around. But I'm older now, I can outrun a zombie. Andy: Getting everyone on the bus, check. Giving everyone hats, check. Sexiest eastern European girls, uh, check. Darryl: Hey, Devil's Den is that way, we should check it out. That's where the snpers hid. Andy: Please! Everyone and their mother goes to Devil's Den. It's the Olive Garden of Gettysburg. Phyllis: Oh, I like Olive Garden. Andy: Well, I meant that in a bad way. Obviously it tastes good, but it's not cool. Jim: Where do all the cool kids go when they come to this consecrated ground? Andy: That is what I'm showing you. Dwight: I know what you guys are all thinking right now: Hey, let's go pee on the grave of some confederate soldiers, but you know what? Joke's on you. It only makes the flowers grow back more beautifully. Dwight: Best thing you can do for the deceased is to pee on their graves. Then you dance and work the urine into the root systems. Doesn't hurt to have a smile on your face, either. Oscar: Guys! Over here, we found the bus. Phyllis: Open the door, Jim. Jim: It's locked. Phyllis: Are you sure? Yeah, it's locked. Dwight: It's not locked, gimme that... Jim: That's weird, if it's not locked, why isn't it opening? Dwight: It's, it's latched closed. Jim: Ok, you know what? Andy probably has the number for this guy. I'm gonna find him. Darryl: I'll come with you. Phyllis: Ow! Ee! I sat on my sandwich. Oscar: And that's how the printing press was invented. [ 08x08 Deleted Scene 3 ] Andy:[enters office doing Michael Jackson impression] Everybody bat it. Don't bat it, stay where you are. Erin: There you are. Dillinger Graphics said their shipment is late. Andy: What did you say? Erin: Nothing, I just- Andy: What would you say? Erin: That it'll be the first shipment out today. Andy: That is exactly the right thing to say! Do it! Git-er-done! Phyllis, you just married Joe Order, you're new name is Phyllis Order [fill this order], get it? Phyllis: I don't get it. Andy: Jim, in regards to our high-five scheduled for four PM today, it has been moved up to now. Yes. Jim: We didn't have one scheduled. Season 8 - Episode 09 "Mrs. California" [ 08x09 Deleted Scene 1 ] Gabe: They say that if you can strengthen your core, it improves your sexual performance. So, you will find me on the Ab-Blaster. And then you will find me blasting...uh, a very nice young woman. Meredith: Gotta get in shape. I'm doing Ironman next month. And I want him to be attracted to me. Dwight: Hey, what are you listening to? Gabe: Steve Martin. [laughs, then falls] uh, I'm fine. [grunts] Erin: Um, where's the shower? Dwight: There is no shower. Kathy: There isn't? Dwight: What does this look like, a shower store? Get lost. Oscar: You have got to be kidding me! No shower?! Dwight: Exercise lengthens life. Improves mood, boosts sex drive, and I've already covered the BM of it all. It's miraculous the effect that I will have on their lives. [ 08x09 Deleted Scene 2 ] Andy: So, Roberto Californio doesn't want to work with his wife. I get it. And, he wants to give his wife a job. Totally get it. What I am struggling with is the part of this that's impossible. Robert: I love my wife. Jim: This whole thing is making me very uncomfortable. I'm not getting between the boss and his wife so just ask me about something else. You know Stanley's tie is really the story of the day... Stanley: It's my birthday. Jim: Ok, so that's a disaster. Luckily have a two-part plan. One, run. Two, hide. It's pretty smart, right? [walks into Vance Refrigeration office] Hi, how you doing? I'm Jim Halpert from across the hall. We are redoing our supply closet and I was wondering if I could take a look at yours for some ideas. Bob's Secretary: Let me just check with Bob. Jim: You absolutely should. He said it was ok, so till you get him, I'll just be in, you know. [closes door behind him to supply closet] Bob's Secretary: [on phone] Bob? Jim just went into the closet. Andy: Ugh! He's always one step ahead of us! How does he do that? Mrs. California: This is insulting! Robert: This whole accusation is insulting. Come on. Season 8 - Episode 10 "Christmas Wishes" [ 08x10 Deleted Scene 1 ] Robert: Where can I get a drink? Oh... Andy: Oh, uh. Well, we thought we wouldn't put the alcohol out till 11AM. It's just...common...decency. Robert: Par for the course. Par for the...freaking course. I'll be in the party room having a cookie until 11. Haha! Yule-log. Robert: Not destroyed. No..... Not destructive. Quite...off-kilter, sure. But... that's too vague. [long pause] Erratic. Darkly erratic. [laughs awkwardly] That's my mood. Meredith: Cake?...You seem a little down. Robert: I am. [laughs] I'm a mess. Meredith: How about I fix you some warm milk with some bourbon? Robert: Oh, that sounds nice. Meredith: Maybe watch a movie...under a blanket... Robert: Lovely. Wait, where is this taking place? Meredith: The Murphy bed of my basement. Robert: What...is happening to me? [pause] The lines in your haggard face are paths that lead nowhere. Your hair is the fre of hell. [hugs Meredith] I sincerely hope you find a sexual partner tonight. [ 08x10 Deleted Scene 2 ] Andy: It's come to my attention that someone, who shall remain nameless, wants to switch desk clumps. Jim: Cathy wants to leave our clump? Andy: Don't look. Who it was is not important...but she did say that your constant pranking and one-upsmanship is driving her crazy. She or he. Dwight: Hey. Enjoy your new clump. Kathy: Thanks. Dwight: It's so much closer to the bathroom, right? Kathy: Yeah. Dwight: Uh huh. Jim: Sorry it didn't work out. Hope you find what you're looking for. Kathy: No, I just have more room. Jim: That's ok. Dwight: You'll be fine over there. Erin: [talking loudly] Sorry guys, Jim! This package came for you, do you want me to put it on your desk? Jim: That'd be great, thank you. [Erin throws package, it hits Kathy. She thinks it was Jim who threw it] Dwight: So, I got this bucket from Jim's garage and I filled it with everything disgusting. Except excrement. I can't wait to see the look on his face when that falls on my face. [laughs, then camera shows bucket being dumped on Kathy] Dammit Kathy! [ 08x10 Deleted Scene 3 ] Andy: For the past month, I have been collecting wishes from everyone in the office, and I intend to make good on every single one of them. Andy: Oh, I see. Andy: Now look, I may not have a great laugh like Santa, or a flying sled. But tell you what I do have. A Prius, a heart of freaking gold.... Kevin: This. Andy: Alright, you got it. Andy: ...and an American Express green card. Andy: Ryan, for your holiday wish, you wanted ten sick days. Ryan: I'd be satisfied with eight. Andy: Well I'll do you one better. Ryan: Nine? Andy: I got you health insurance. Ryan: Oh, neat. Andy: Yeah! Right? But with great perks come great responsibility, so I'm gonna be expecting a lot more from you...no more zoning out in your office. Ryan: Oh, great. Andy: Yes! Season 8 - Episode 11 "Trivia" [ 08x11 Deleted Scene 1 ] Kelly: Cause it's like, really... Andy: Einsteins! Great work. Kevin: Thank you. Andy: You know what I thought would be fun? Is we do like uh, a switch-em-up maybe? Since only one of us needs to win, maybe I can get Kevin and Kelly and put together an all-star team? Oscar: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Andy, there is no switching teams. Kevin: Andy, we're fine. We don't wanna switch. We're already like, the perfect unit. Andy: Alright. Well just stay focused, try to concentrate. Meredith: Whoo! Brought some brain food. Erin: Yeah! Kelly: Having fun. Meredith & Kelly: One, two, three...[team takes shts] Kevin: When I dropped out of school to watch more sports, a lot of people thought that I was nuts. Well who's laughing now? Announcer: Say "Shalom" to your shrubs on this Jewish holiday that celebrates the new year for trees. Kelly: Tu Bishvat! Announcer: That's correct. Einsteins: Whoo! Announcer: Point for the Einsteins. Kelly: Hey, is it true that you're not allowed to spend time with your girlfriend during the month of Tu Bishvat? Announcer: Uh, I don't think so. Kelly: I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. Ryan lies to me and says he has a whole Jewish holiday for an entire month..... Oscar: It gets better, kids. It gets so much better that one day, your stupid coworkers will be excited to show up at your gay bar and ruin your trivia night. [ 08x11 Deleted Scene 2 ] Andy: Alright, if you're not going to help us out by buying our own paper, could you sell eight hundred dollars more paper than usual today? That would be amazing. Jim: Andy, it's the last day of the quarter. We've already called all our clients, so making that much in a day is going to be tough. Andy: Not helping, tuna. Stanley: Yeah, I'm sitting on twenty-five hundred in sales I can make at any time but those are my wait till the separation is legal sales. Andy: We gotta figure this out. Think of the look on Robert's face when we tell him we met our 8% goal. Kevin: Oh, will we get to see that look? Andy: No, that's why...that's why I said think of it. Jim: Andy, we're gonna do our best. But you know what? At the end of the day seven point...whatever percent is pretty good. Group: Yeah. Angela: Yeah, it is, Andy. Andy: Have I mentioned that it's also quite good for amateur animation? [flips crude animation of stick figures representing him and Robert] Took me two weeks. Season 8 - Episode 12 "Pool Party" [ 08x12 Deleted Scene 1 ] Ryan: Two pools. A divider. A bridge. Good choice. It says everything about everything, right Robert? Kathy: What's the water like? Darryl: Nice. Angela: Oh, it is warm. Phyllis: Robert's house is, well....I don't mean to sound offensive, but it's like where a basketball player would live. Erin: Oh, Dwight. Dwight: Uh huh. Erin: That feels so good! Dwight: Yeah....baby. Erin: [grunting] Hey, Andy. Andy: Hey. Erin: Dwight gives the best back massages. Andy: Yeah, it sounds like it. Dwight: Hey, have you ever been checked for scoliosis? Erin: I don't know, why don't you check me Dr. Shrute. [laughing] Dwight: No, seriously. Your spine is jacked. It's like the devil's cursive. Erin: You mean more like dangerous curves... Dwight: You'd be like 8 feet tall if this thing was straightened out...[pushes Erin back to floor] Erin: Ow! Erin: You date a guy, you find out he was engaged to your coworker so you throw cake at him. It's over. You start liking him again so you ask him out with a puppet show. He says no. Then he follows you home to make sure that you don't kiss somebody. Then he ignores you at a pool party? Am I right ladies? Dwight: [Erin helps Dwight stretch his inner thighs] Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oooooh, yeah. Jessica: You guys ready? Andy: Bring it on guys. Dwight: Yeah... Andy: Let's go before I vomit. [Erin and Dwight enter pool] Dwight: Ready? Erin: I'm ready. Jessica: Whoo! Andy: Alright! Here we go. Erin: Ok. Dwight: RAHHH!!!!!!! Jessica: Yeah, come on! Dwight: Get her! Ruin her! [Andy and Jessica bat Dwight and Erin] Andy: Hey! High-five! Jessica: Yeah! Jessica: My brother and I were the chicken fight champions of our swim club growing up. I mean, we bat the Strauss twins. Ok, I guess somebody didn't grow up in west Hartford, Connecticut. Robert: This room I liked for the view. I dreamed that I would watch my guests walk to their cars at dawn, their faces flushed with the shame and regret for the choices they made the night before. [laughs] Ryan: I get that. Gabe: Beautiful sentiment. Jim: To the shame room! [raises bottle] Gabe: [Robert laughs] I live in this room. Oscar: [Toby and Oscar swig from wine bottles] Oh, Mineral-ey. Toby: Mineral-ey. Season 8 - Episode 13 "Jury Duty" [ 08x13 Deleted Scene 1 ] Jim: I would love for everyone to just forgive me. But, if that's not happening, I'm not averse to just buying them all off. Jim: Alright guys. You know how we all like the red licorice but it's always buried behind like a ton of black licorice? [points to pile of candy] Bought it all. Now it's like red city in there. So, enjoy it. Phyllis: Mmm-hmm. Moneybags. Must be nice. Andy: So you effectively spent what...four dollars on the entire office? Jim: Uh, I can't get a handle on it. Am I cheap or rich? I can't... Andy: You're nothing. When I think about all the gas money I spent on you. Washing my car to make sure you- Jim: [interrupting] Alright. Well, enjoy the red licorice, and good riddance, right? [tosses black licorice into trash] Darryl: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! So you're just gonna throw away perfectly good food? Jim: It's not really food, right? Creed: I'm really hating this Jim guy! Jim: Ok, ok, ok. Stanley: I know what you can do Jim. Take those black licorice, then go get some of those red licorice, take 'em in your hand, roll 'em up real tight... Jim: "And shove it up my butt." Stanley: Dammit Jim! You stole my afternoons, now you stole my line! It's not "shove it up your butt" it's....I'll kll you! I'll kll you dad! Darryl: Eat it. Jim: I'm not gonna eat it. Darryl: Eat. It. Jim: I'm not- Stanley: EAT IT! [Jim begins eating black licorice] Jim: [on phone] They hate me, Pam. Pam: They don't hate you. Jim: No, it's bad. Darryl canceled go-karting.... Pam: When were you going go-karting with Darryl? Jim: It's a lunch thing. Pam: Alright. Just don't worry, we'll figure this out. Jim: I feel like a stranger in my own country. Pam: Ok, drama. Jim: Ok. Well, hey, you're not here. You don't know, Ok? It's intense. They made me eat black licorice. [ 08x13 Deleted Scene 2 ] Dwight: I have a recurring nightmare that I've been wrongly accused of a crime and twelve of these idiots are on the jury. Stanley is fast asleep, Kevin eats the evidence, Phyllis's name is Allison but it really is Phyllis, Jim is foreman of the jury and pronounces me guilty. The cop takes me away and tells me that I've been a bad boy and we have sex in the hall. She leaves the handcuffs on. They take me away to prison. The guards are all women. [sighs] [ 08x13 Deleted Scene 3 ] Andy: Everyone, this is Officer Foley from the Scranton PD. Works down at the courthouse. I think he has something he's like to say. Officer Foley: I understand that some of you don't believe that Mr. Bernard drove his friend into the courthouse for jury duty last week. Darryl: Correction: we don't care. Erin: Hey, aren't you an actor? Andy: No. Erin: Weren't you in Sweeny Todd last year with Andy? Officer Foley: Uh, no. Darryl: You hired your actor friend to come here as a cop? Andy: That is so offensive and ridiculous. I- Darryl: So if I started singing "Down By the Old Mill Stream", you couldn't join me in a three part harmony. [Andy and Officer Foley shake their heads no, Darryl begins singing] Down by the, down by the, down by the.... Andy, Darryl & Officer Foley: [singing] Old mill stream. When I first met you, down by the old mill stream [Andy & Foley hold "stream"] Darryl: [Low singing] Old, mill, stream. Andy: Ho hah!....oh, sh*t. Darryl: Mm hmm.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "08x99 - Deleted Scenes from Season 8"}	foreverdreaming
Erin: Andy's coming back today! Andy's coming back today! Ha! Andy's coming back today. David Wallace sent him on an outward bound wilderness adventure for a whole month to make him more decisive and confident. He sent his own son too. And the counselors said they both grew up, big time. Dwight: How was my summer? It was pretty mixed. I invented a new power drink made out of beet runoff. Mmm, mmm! So that's really good. But I got some disappointing medical news. Doctor: Mr. Schrute, the results are in. You are not the father. Angela: I told you [Dwight vomits power drink on Angela] Kevin: Oh, what a summer! An emotional roller-coaster. I ran over a turtle in the parking lot, but then I saved him by gluing his shell back together. But I'm not that good at puzzles. Oscar: [as Kevin reassembles shell] That piece doesn't go there. [Kevin shushes him] Kevin: So I patched him with stuff from around the office. But I couldn't get the pieces to fit right. Then one day, when I was reaching for the glue, I crushed his shell again. But I rebuilt him even better that time. But it turned out the turtle was already day. Probably when I ran over him the first time. Pam: For us, um, nothing new, really the kids are great. Jim: You are really good at modesty. She's a genius. She painted this incredible mural in the kids' room. There's a hippo leading a parade of 500 children— Pam: Kay, well, you had that interesting thing. Jim: Oh, yeah Pam: Yes, Jim's friend is starting anew company based on this idea Jim had when they were back in college. Jim: Its sports marketing basically. But the athletes are partners. Pam: And he wanted Jim to be a part of it too. Jim: In Philly, so, that doesn't really work for the family. Watch this guy make a billion dollars off my idea. Pam: He said if it takes off he's gonna buy us a new car. Jim: An Altima or better. Toby: Kelly Kapoor is gone. Her fiancé Ravi was hired as a pediatrics professor at Miami university. Kelly: [tossing out winter coats] I don't need em anymore. I am going to Miami biotches. To hang with Lebron James and Gloria Estefan. Toby:Miami University in Ohio. On her last day, Kelly was still a little confused about it Kelly: Enjoy the snow losers. Erin: I'm so happy for you Kelly. Toby: Shortly after Kelly left, Ryan quit and also moved to Ohio, for what he claimed were unrelated reasons. Ryan: I've actually done a lot of market research and it actually turns out that southwestern Ohio is going to be the next Silicon Valley. They call it the Silicon Prairie. It's a big university town. And, uh, that's not garbage, it's out clothes. Pam: And that was our summer. Jim: we good? Off-camera: Yeah Pam: Don't you guys have everything. I mean, its just a paper company. Off-camera: Well we're more following you guys, to see how you turn out. Pam: Oh, yeah, because we were kind of dramatic in the beginning. Well I don't think anything's gonna change in our lives now. With work and two kids there's just-nothing interesting is going to happen for us in a long, long time. Erin: Andy's coming back today! Clark: Hey, uh, does anybody know where we throw these out? Stanley: Oh, my god. It's called a garbage can. Phyllis: Helpless. Toby: There's two new guys back there with me now. They're in their 20s. And we really get along. Clark: [Playing computer game with Toby] You're looking good. Toby: Just three single guys. Getting into trouble. Stanley: They're like the new Jim and Dwight. Nellie: Oh, yes, yes I see that! Perfect. Meredith: Hey, new Jim, come sit on my face. Pete: No thank you. My name's Pete. Jim: No, Pete is not the new Jim. The only we have in common is that neither of us wants to sit on Meredith's face. And if that makes him the new Jim, then every human being in the world is the new Jim. Erin: Andy's here! Old Dwight, new Dwight, Andy's here. New Jim, Tuna, Andy's here. Pam, he's here. [squeals as Andy walks in] Andy: Hey! Wow, I thought about this place a lot when I was on solo. Three days on a mountain, it'll change you. The things we think we need. Clocks, yeah right! Nellie: It sounds amazing, tell us all about it. Andy: What're you still doing here? Nellie: Wonderful, thanks. Andy: You know I had this really funny dream during Outward Bound that you died. Nellie: Brilliant. Andy: See me in my office later. The new guys, alright. It's Clark and, um— Pete: Pete! Andy: In Outward Bound it was all about nicknames. They called me Iceman. You will be called Plop. Pete: What? Why? Andy: Cause you're always taking dumps. Pete: No I'm not. Andy: Come on, everybody defecates. Relax, Plop. And you will be called Fart cause you fart all the time. Clark: I love it. Darryl: Actually, Andy, we call this one Dwight, Jr. Clark: No, I prefer Fart. Andy: No, Dwight Jr. Infinitely better. You guys look exactly alike. Dwight go stand next to him. This is insane. Dwight: I don't see it. Clark: I don't either. Andy: Whoa! Mind blown. It's like father and son! Dwight, you cool if we call him Dwight Jr? Dwight: Yes, yes I am. [puts his arm around Clark] Andy: Dwight, Jr! [Dwight gives Clark a noogie] Dwight: In a way it's like I have a son. And who knows? Maybe someday they'll hire someone who looks like a younger version of him. And then I'll have a grandson. Angela: Well, I need to give my cat up for adoption. Kevin: The one who uses the doorbell, or the one with the Mexican hat, or the one with the rain galoshes, or the one you let go around naked? Kevin: Angela's cats are cute. So cute that you just want to eat them. But you can't eat cats. You can't eat cats, Kevin. Angela: No, the one with the long hair and the denim pants, Comstock! Ok, look [starts playing video on computer]. He's such a special kitty. I just want to find him a good home. He loves those pants Kevin: I'll take him. Angela: Please, after the turtle? Kevin: I am enormously proud of what I did for that turtle! Angela: Oscar, Oscar, will you take him? Oscar: No, I'm a dog person. Angela: If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person. Oscar: Those guys always change back, Angela. Andy: David, outward bound was incredible. I was the best at slack lining, I ate a worm. David: Glad to hear it. You sound very confident and decisive. Toby: Hey you wanted to see me? Andy: Yeah, I gotta go David. [hangs up phone] Why is Nellie still here? Toby: You can only fre Nellie for cause. Andy: Mm, then I will make up a cause. Toby: Except you just told me you were gonna make it up. Now if she sues, I have to testify against you. Andy: Then forget I just told you that. Toby: Can't. I took a course at the Weintraub Memory Academy. I sat next to this woman named Beverly Brook. She had a Greek salad for lunch. See what I mean? Andy: Now I know why Michael hated you so much. Dwight: Good boy, getting big and strong. Snack foods! Clark: Yep, body by Cheez-it Dwight: Ah, humor. I have it too. I have a couple tickets to the slayer concert 10 months from now. You interested? Clark: I think I'm busy that night. Or I would. Dwight: Well, we're both just kinda learning as we go, aren't we? Clark: Learning what? Dwight: Just how this going to be, you know? You have a beautiful round head. Clark: Kay. Dwight: So what kind of farming you into, huh? You more of a fruit man or a root man? Clark: Is this—is this like code for gay stuff? Cause if so, that's totally fine. Like, I'm fine with it. But you should know that I'm into the ladies. Dwight: Spoken like a true root man. Clark: You know, if you're ever swamped, I could make some sales calls for you. Dwight: My calls? Clark: So could you give me a list of all your clients? Or just the leads that you haven't had time to pursue yet? Dwight: You want a list of my clients? You want my leads? Clark: Yeah, I'll just give it a glance— Dwight: Ok Clark: I'll give it a read. Dwight: With my leads and stuff like that? Clark: Yeah. Dwight: Cause you're interested in going into sales? Clark: I am. Dwight: Wow, that's great. That's great. Ok, good, let's talk about that, ok? Clark: Ok. Dwight: You're not getting my clients! Nice try. Dwight: Paranoid? I'm not familiar with the word. And I really don't have time to learn new words right now, ok? A pudgy 22-year-old is trying to take my job. Dwight: Jim, get ready for the battle of your life. Jim: Done. Explain. Dwight: The new guys. Dwight Jr is after my job. Yeah. There is a shark hiding inside that adorable little cherub. Jim: Oh, now I get what Pete was talking about at the sales meeting yesterday. Dwight: Wait, sales—what sales meeting? Jim: The new guys called one. Dwight: The new guys called a sales meeting? Jim: Clark ended the whole thing with a karate demonstration. Did you know there was a belt above black? Dwight: There's no belt above black. Is there a belt above black? Jim: You should ask him. It's a color you would never expect. [Dwight storms off] Too easy. Angela: Attention everyone. Comstock is still available. Oscar has been flirting with adopting him. But still hasn't given me a definite yes or no. Oscar: Definitely no. Angela: Fine. For any interested candidates, I will be conducting 20 minute interviews. My ideal situation would an independently wealthy cute couple with a strong commitment to education. Black or white, I'm fine with either, but not both. [to Pam] Listen, you're in this, but you need to wow me, ok? Andy: I wanted to talk to you about our working relationship this year. It's going to be terrible. Nellie: Not necessarily Andy: No I'm going to make sure that it is. And if it isn't, I'm going to take immediate action to rectify that. Now, I don't like to throw around the b-word, but I'm going to be a huge bitch to you. Andy: Now this is called slack lining. Andy: I set up the old slack line to teach the office the skills of focus and discipline. Or in the case of certain individuals, the skills of humiliation and looking really dumb. Andy: If you make it all the way across, your confidence will soar. But, if you Toby out, then you'll feel like a real Nellie. How about a hand, screw those guys. Now, these are my actual Outward Bound counselors, Rafe and Feather. Rafe: Iceman. Andy: That's me. The powder is for your protection, Feather has permanent athlete's foot. Feather, show them how you dance upon the line of slack. Jim: You a sports fan? Pete: Sure, boxing, tennis. Jim: Oh. Any team sports? Pete: NASCAR. The Amazing Race. Jim: Phillies fan, though, right? Pete: You mean horses? Jim: No, like baseball. A baseball team. Pete: Ah, I like the Red Sox. I'm from Vermont. Jim: Ok. Good talk. Jim: I have nothing in common with Plop. Andy: All right, who's next? Nellie? Nellie: Oh, I would rather watch you and your talented friends. Andy: Nonsense. Get up here. Kevin: Go ahead Andy: Come on. Uh, are you gonna wear your heels? Nellie: I'm very self-conscious about my feet. Andy: Ok, sure. There ya go. Atta girl. Hey, alright. Whoa! [pushes Nellie off slack line] You suck. Alright, who's next? Darryl? Darryl: This seems like the kind of thing white people with dreadlocks do. Andy: Dwight Jr? This looks like your speed. Clark: Uh, I guess I could give it sht. Andy: Yeah, come on. Get up here. Just hop on up. Clark: Ok Andy: Focus on the horizon. [Clark successfully walks the slack line] Whoa! Look at this guy. Clark: I've always been good at anything that required balance. My doctor says I have gigantic inner ears. Darryl: Go, Dwight Jr! Andy: Hey, yes. Dwight: Boo, unimpressed. It's a tightrope for babies. Boo! Clark: Alright, let's see you do it. Andy: Alright. Let me show you how a real man walks across a flaccid cord. Andy: Ooh! Who ordered the hot apple fail? Dwight: Ok, I am just getting started, ok? Clark: You got this, it's all you. [as Dwight repeatedly fails and gets smacked around] Got ourselves a yard sale. Balls in face. It's not a race, Dwight. Andy: Well it's official. Old Dwight is lame and New Dwight is cool. Dwight: [bleeding heavily from the mouth] That's not true. Just give me another chance. Oscar: But your mouth is ble— Toby: This is a bloodbath. Alright, I'm calling this. Dwight: What? Toby: It is enough of this. Everyone, let's go back to work. Dwight: This is a stupid activity. I would be embarrassed to be good at it. [tries to go in locked door] Idiots. Dwight: Slack lining, please. Untie that rope, give it to a couple of pig-tailed school girls, let them start jumping with it while chanting a rhyme and giggling about boys. Doesn't seem so macho now, does it? It's a jump rope! Pam: Dwight! Dwight: Pam? Hey come up here, up the ladder. Come on. Pam: [sees trapeze contraption] What are you doing? Dwight: Come here, I'll show you. Angela: Why do you want this cat? Pete: I don't want it, really. Angela: How would you support the cat? What are your ambitions? Pete: I want to start my own business. I want to be a millionaire. Lots of things. Travel, make the world a better place, earn an MBA at night. Angela: Have you taken any concrete steps? Pete: Well, I'm still just fitting in here, you know? Getting used to the new job. But, definitely on the agenda. But that is a good idea, Angela. I should make a list. Jim: Oh, come on, Pete! God, that's just sad. If he doesn't watch himself, he's gonna be here for years, doing nothing. [sober realization] Wow, maybe Pete is the new Jim. Dwight: Do you see how the trapeze completely surrounds the wire? That means it's literally impossible for anyone to fall off. So you will merely sit below and be my counterweight as I pedal across the parking lot to that telephone pole. Pam: I will? Dwight: You will. Yeah we weigh about the same, wouldn't you say? Pam: Sure, if you weigh 105 pounds. Dwight: So you'll do it? Pam: No. Dwight: Come on, this will be the only thrill of your boring life. Pam: Dwight, you may find this hard to believe, but I love my boring life. Dwight: Come on. Pam: Exactly the way it is. Dwight: No, Pam. Pam: Yes, and there's nothing you could say that would get me to run the slightest risk of losing it. Dwight: Please? Please, Pam? Pam: Find someone else, I don't know. Ask Phyllis. Dwight: I can't use Phyllis. Are you kidding me? The moment she steps off this bar I'll be launched into space. God, you're so insensitive. Pete: Why are you getting rid of it? Angela: Allergies. Pete: Your husband? Angela: No, the baby. Please, it's my husband's favorite cat. He's broken up about it. It's the only time I've seen him cry other than our wedding night. Oscar: You know what? I will take Comstock. Angela: Really? Oh, Oscar, thank you! Oscar: I'll come by after work and pick him up. Angela: Yay! Oh, poor Robert. He won't get to say goodbye. He has this business dinner tonight Oscar: C'est la vie. Angela: Please don't teach the cat French. Oscar: [on phone] Yeah. Good news, tonight when you come over for dinner, you can play with your old buddy Comstock. Pam: You ready? Jim: Yeah. You know what? I'll meet you down there. Just gotta make a quick call. Pam: Kay. Dwight: Ok. [prepares bike trapeze]Oh, god. [Jim tries dialing and hangs up] Dwight: Attention, employees of Dunder Mifflin. Everyone thinks the new guys are so cool cause they can slack line. Boo. Hey Clark, this is what a areal salesman looks like. They say that you only live once and I'm about to prove it. Dwight Schrute! Jim: Hey, man. It's halpert. Did you go to the other guy yet? Great, don't. I'm in. Yeah, yep, I'm all in. Ok, talk to you soon. Bye. [hangs up] Yeah! Dwight: Woo! [starts pedaling out until trapeze bike flips over, he dangles from the handlebars] Ahh!! Creed: In the parking lot today there was a circus. The copier did tricks on the high-wire, a lady tried to give away a baby that looked like a cat. There was a Dwight impersonator and a Jim impersonator; a strong man crushed a turtle. I laughed and I cried. Not bad for a day in the life of a dog food company. Meredith: Crap. Sorry, Nellie. Nellie: Once again, I understand that old habits die hard, but if everyone would kindly walk their refuse to the trash bins instead of tossing them, then we would—[h*t in the face with trash] Stanley: Mm, swish. Nellie: Oh, it's nothing to do with me. I just happen to be sitting near to where the bins are. Andy: There are two things that I am passionate about. Recycling and revenge. Nellie: [As trash is thrown at her] Fluke.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x01 - The New Guys"}	foreverdreaming
Pam: [surveying an untidy office] The building's custodian is on vacation for the month and Dwight is too cheap to hire a replacement. So, instead, we're living in filth. But, not for long. Because I have created the chore wheel. Kevin: [viewing the chore wheel for the first time] Oh, yeah! Can I spin first? Pam: Well, it doesn't spin. We'll just move the wheel one notch each morning and... you see what chore you get that day. Kevin: A wheel is supposed to spin. Erin: Yeah, you know, like [motions arm in circles] guh, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh... guh. Pam: No, I'm familiar with spinning. It's just that wouldn't work with a chore wheel because people might get the same chore- Andy: [interrupting] Bugh, boring. All she talks about is chores. Creed: A wheel wants to spin, Pam. Jim: [reluctantly] Spinning would be more fun. Pam: [frustrated] ‘Kay. Kevin: [spinning a new ‘chore wheel' while everyone claps] Okay, that's what I'm talking about! Big money, big money! [wheel stops on ‘mug duty', disappointed] Mug duty? Pam: Yes, you clean all the mugs in the sink. Kevin: This sucks. Erin: Yeah, seriously, it's like everything on there is work. Pam: I don't think you guys understand why we're doing this. It's- Kevin: Yeah, I don't think that you understand wheels. Pam: I've been through several rounds of development with the team and here's where we stand with the chore wheel. [introducing a third ‘chore wheel', excited] We've got prizes! Ten bucks, candy bar, manager for an hour but, there are also penalties. Like, no internet, Stanley gets your lunch. The one thing that is not on the chore wheel is chores. But they were right; it's more fun this way. Pam: [everyone cheers as Meredith spins and lands on ‘tiny wheel'] The tiny wheel actually does have chores. It's so cute no one seems to mind. Pam: [referencing the ‘tiny wheel'] Toilets! [everyone cheers as Meredith accepts her chore] Jim: [at the Halpert residence as Cece twirls in the front yard, exiting front door] Pam, we gotta go. Cece, go back inside. Grandma's got breakfast, OK? [to camera] We are going to Roy's wedding. Yep, Roy. I think the only weird thing about going to your wife's ex-fiancé's wedding on a weekday at eight AM is that it's your wife's ex-fiancé. Pam: [exiting house] Thanks, mom! Jim: [to Pam] A banana? Pam: Yeah. I'm afraid he's only gonna have hot dogs. Jim: Oh, come on. Not even Roy will have hot dogs at his wedding. Pam: Planned a wedding with him. He wanted hot dogs. Jim: [to camera] Just... so weird. Erin: [as Pete and Clark enter office] Oh, Pete, you've got mail. Pete: Really? I got something? Erin: Well, it's addressed to Customer Service so, it's your mail. Clark: Well, you know, I'm also Customer Service. Erin: Yeah, I'm alternating. [gestures both men] Pete: [sarcastically] Yay, another person yelling at me. Erin: Well, it could be a nice letter. I write nice letters to companies all the time. Pete: That's really nice. Clark: [looking down at Erin's desk] Wow, Newsweek, huh? This election... thing is crazy, right? Pete: [referring to the letter] It's open. Erin: Oh yeah, I accidentally read it. It's not a nice letter. Pete: [whispering] OK. Nellie: [distributing paperwork to the office] Get excited. The special projects fairy has arrived. Creed: I know you don't really exist. Nellie: Today, I launch my big charity initiative ‘Operation Give Back'. Andy has sht down all of my special projects thus far but, this one is about charity. So, I'd like to see him piss on that one. Roy: [at Roy's wedding] Darryl! Ha-ha! What's happening? Darryl: Congratulations, baby! Roy: Ah, thank you! Jim: [Jim and Pam approaching the wedding venue] Is this his house? Pam: Think so. Server: [approaching Jim and Pam] Mimosa? Pam: [taking glass] Thank you. Server: Would you like me to take your peel? Pam: [embarrassed] Yes, thank you. [finishes banana and hands server the peel] Jim: OK. Pam: [as Jim receives and declines a call] Who's that? Jim: Uh, my ex-fiancé. Pam: [sarcastically] Ha-ha. Jim: I started a new business with my college friend. But, Pam doesn't know. Um... actually I did tell Pam and we decided ‘no'. But, then I decided 'yes' anyway. So, I'm thinking there's another conversation coming. And, it's hard to know when that will be. Nellie: With Operation Give Back, you pick the charities Dunder-Mifflin supports. Kevin: [grinning] Oh boy! What's happening? Nellie: There's four thousand dollars to give away. So, who has filled out their form? Stanley? Stanley: American Diabetes Association. Angela: Um, you have diabetes, Stanley. [to Nellie] I'm sorry, is the assignment to pick a selfish charity? Toby: I w-, uh, I would love to give uh- Kevin: [excited] Heifer's International. Listen to this. They give a poor person like, a goat or something. It's a great prank. Creed: I wanna work with, uh, Jimmy Carter and help build gnomes. Nellie: Dwight, what about you? Dwight: I will not be participating as there is no evidence that charity works. Andy: Uh, correction, I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling. Changes lives. Nellie: Thank you, Andy. Andy: I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for the preservation of nautical flag signaling. Nellie: Dwight, you will be participating. Dwight: No thank you. Nellie: Participation is mandatory; Dwight, but you can choose whatever cause you like. Dwight: Fine, I chose the Global Relief Foundation. Nellie: Great, thank you. Dwight: Which was recently discovered to be a front for the Taliban. Nellie: [everyone groans] Oh, for goodness' sake, Dwight. Dwight: Yeah. The Taliban in Afa-ghanistan. Creed: The Taliban is the worst. Great heroine, though. Nellie: Dwight, I cannot have the Taliban on the roster of Operation Give Back. Dwight: Well, it looks like there won't be any Operation Give Back. Ha, ha. The nanny state is over, ladies and gentlemen. You're welcome. [wads up Nellie's charity sheet and tosses it toward her] Jim: [approaches Roy back at the wedding] There he is. Is it almost time to cut the pancake, or what? Roy: Aw, yeah, god, we appreciate everyone coming so early. It's, everyone's just been so nice. Jim: Thanks for inviting us, by the way- Roy: Are you kidding? Jim: That was, that was a surprise. Roy: Come on. If it wasn't for you, I never would've met Laura. I mean, seriously, kinda dodged a bllet on that one. [sees Jim's reaction] Just kidding. Jim: You're welcome. Roy: Thanks...aw. Jim: By the way, man, this place is... beautiful. Roy: Started a gravel company. I mean, who knew it'd take off? Jim: Gravel company? Roy: Yeah. What about you? What are you doing? Jim: Not gravel, obviously. [both chuckle] No, things are good. Things are good. Got some stuff in the works. So- Roy: Oh, cool. Jim: Yeah, you never know. Kenny: Hey bro, stop wasting time with this haircut. [referring to Jim] He's got a fifty-thousand dollar sports car. Cheers. Jim: OK, Kenny. Clark: [talking on phone] Duncan, listen, I would love to help you out but where am I gonna find somebody that's pretty, smart and well-informed? Huh? Hold on, hold on. [covers phone's receiver] Erin, do you know anybody that might want... [has realization] Oh my gosh. You love the news, right? Erin: Well, it depends. I mean, sometimes I find out things that are really sad. Clark: Well, I got a buddy that's a big time local news producer and I can't tell you his name, but it'd blow your mind. Pete: Uh, is it Duncan? Clark: He's looking for on-air talent and he'd kll me if I didn't get you on tape. Erin: You mean, put me on the news? Clark: You'll just come over, put on little lipstick, loosen up with a glass of red wine and then we'll just run through a few stories. You know, a couple different ways, with a couple different outfits. It'd be really tasteful and it'd really help me out with Duncan... with my friend. [Erin considers] What do you say? Huh? Erin: Maybe, ok? Let me think about it. Clark: [Pete looks on disappointed] Ok. Erin: Whoo! Clark: Think it over. [punches Pete] Pete: No, Clark's not my friend. He is the douche that sits next to me at the office. My friends are Scott, Glenn, and Rob. But, you don't know them. Erin: I never really thought much about being more than a receptionist. But, why? Because I happened to answer help wanted ad to be a receptionist? I mean, what if the ad had been for a CEO? Or for a brain surgeon? Roy: So, ah, it was a year ago today that I met Laura. I thought she was my waitress and, uh, took her three weeks to tell me that she actually owned the place. You are full of surprises. You are my beautiful mystery girl. And, today, I have a surprise for you. [approaches piano] Jim: He plays piano? Pam: No. Roy? No. Roy: You know how I said I was taking boxing lessons? Actually, I was doing this. Um, so, I hope that you like it. [sits in front of piano] Darryl: [clapping] You got this, Roy. [Roy begins playing and singing She's Got a Way by Billy Joel, Pam and Jim looked shocked, Phyllis and Bob begin making out] Pam: [in the car] We still surprise each other. Jim: Definitely. Pam: You know, I never did it, but for your 30th birthday I really wanted to surprise you with- Jim: Courtside seats. Sixers. Pam: Yes. But, what I didn't tell you is that I actually bought the tickets. We only didn't go because it was- Jim: It was an away game. Pam: In Phoenix. They should really tell you that more specifically. I mean, every game is an away game for one of the teams. [long pause] Do we know everything about each other? Jim: No. Pam: Tell me one thing about you I don't know. Jim: [laughs] Um, ok. [thinks but says nothing] Jim: [in the kitchen] Oh, here's one. Did I ever tell you about the time that my brothers videotaped the lottery announcement? And bought the winning numbers the next day? And then, played the tape for me the next week, and I- Pam: And you thought you guys were millionaires. Jim: You heard that one. Pam: Yes. But there's, wait, oh, there's a funny ending to that story. I can't remember. Jim: That I thought we were millionaires. Pam: Thought you were millionaires, yeah. That's funny. sht, I knew that one. Jim: That's all right. Angela: The senator and I still have mystery. I'm always waiting to see what he's gonna surprise me with next. [Oscar chokes on his coffee] Jim: You all right? [Oscar nods] Nellie: You support the Taliban abroad. So I assume you're willing to live by their rules here. Dwight: Anything else would be inconsistent. Nellie: Will you join me then in a pledge to live by Taliban law in this office? [offers Dwight a contract] Dwight: [takes contract] Absolutely, I will. Dwight: I feared Nellie had some sort of a plan but she used a ridiculous font. Huh. [in a fake English accent] You don't have a plan. Nellie: When you use a ridiculous font, no one thinks you have a plan. Nellie: [holds up pen as Dwight searches his desk] Looking for this? Dwight: What the? [follows Nellie into the break room] Nellie: Oh, this is a lovely pen. Ah. But, it's mine now because I stole it. Dwight: [taking pen back] Gimme that. Nellie: Didn't you sign a contract to live under Taliban law? And now, there's been theft. That means, you're not serious or... someone's getting their hand cut off. Dwight: You're insane. Nellie: I know. So, it's better that you pick another charity. Dwight: Oh, and let your precious Operation Power Grab proceed unchecked? No thank you. Nellie: In that case, you... [pulls out a cleaver] will have to chop off my hand. Dwight: [considers then takes cleaver] This cleaver appears to need sharpening. I suggest you spend some quality time together just you and your hand. Tie a shoe, toss a salad. Do any of the two hand activities that you'll miss the most. Nellie: I tell you what. I need to make three calls. And then after that, you can become a person who chops off people's hands. Dwight: Sounds like a plan. Andy: [in his office] Clark wants to film you in different outfits inside his apartment? Erin: Yeah. Andy: [entering annex] Clark, you and I need to have a little chat. What clothes does Erin need for this news audition? Clark: Uh... couple of button-downs, a camisole, a blazer, a pencil skirt, stilettos, maybe, no, no, not maybe, definitely open-toed. Uh, something low-cut because the camera makes everything seem higher cut. Andy: Really? Clark: Yeah, industry secret. You're gonna want some of those panty hose with the seam up the back. Pete: Seems unnecessary for an audition. Clark: And then, you know, maybe just a robe to wear in between takes but I probably got one she can borrow at my place, so- Andy: Thank god someone here knows what their talking about. I want you to take this credit card, take Erin to the mall and get that stuff. Clark: I absolutely will do that. Andy: Awesome. [to Pete] Plop! Clark: Pff. Guess I'll just head over to the mall then. Buy Erin some sexy, fun outfits. Pete: That Clark, huh? Errr [punches palm] Ca! Oscar: [in kitchen with several people around] Next question for our oldie-weds- Kevin: What's the craziest place you've ever made whoopie? Angela: [to Kevin] Language. Phyllis: Who was Pam's first celebrity crush? Oscar: Pam's first celebrity crush. Toby: [whispering] John Stamos. Jim: Ready? Pam: Uh-huh. Jim: [as he and Pam flip their cards] John Stamos. Angela: Oh! Pam: Yes. But John Stamos was temporary. I quickly moved on to- Toby: Johnny Depp. Pam: Johnny Depp. [everyone looks confused toward Toby] Toby: [after awkward pause] Sh, uh, um, I was having this separate conversation with Kevin. Uh, Johnny Depp. Kevin: Totally. George Clooney. Toby: Uh-huh. Angela: OK, I have one. I have one. [Jim's phone rings and he motions he's taking the call elsewhere] Kevin: [while Angela tries asking a question] What is the craziest place you've ever made whoopie? Angela: [as Pam wonders about Jim] Kevin, stop it with that question. Jim: [in the stairwell on his phone] Right. And did you show them the market? Yeah. And what'd they say? That's awesome! That, oh my god! Wow! Jim: It's not even real yet. And I'm not gonna tell her 'til it's real. Pam: I think maybe there actually is something I don't know about Jim. Darryl: Everyone, we have a voluntary meeting in the conference room to discuss Erin's confidence. Andy: Her body. We're gonna talk about her body. [to Darryl] Good. Great job. Darryl: Andy made me his consigliere. Which means Assistant Regional Manager. I guess he thought I'd be into The Godfather 'cause I'm black. Wrong! I'm into The Godfather 'cause I'm a cinephile. I like Scarface 'cause I'm black. Andy: [to a full conference room] Erin has an audition to be a newscaster. [general acknowledgement] Andy: Uh-huh. And I want her to feel very comfortable in her very sexy skin. So, everybody say something that you like about her body. All right? Darryl. Darryl: OK, um, I like Erin's hair. It's a very pretty color. Andy: Yeah, right? Jim: I'm sorry. This is for a news audition? Andy: Yeah. Oscar: Then why are we talking about her looks? Why not her credibility? Or her reliability? Andy: News flash everyone. The human race finds attractive people more trustworthy. Oscar: I'm so sorry, Andy, but for twenty years, the most trusted man in America - Walter Cronkite. Meredith: Cronkite was hot. If I could go back in time, I'd take that mustache ride. Oscar: Does Erin have any experience? Has she taken any journalism classes, maybe? Or... Angela: Has she done the pageant circuit? Erin: No, I watch the news. Andy: She's gonna be amazing. Look at her. She's gonna light up the screen. Erin: This is a first for me. And, I don't get a lot of chances, so I have to take them really seriously. I will do whatever it takes to get the job. Clark: [whispering to Pete] Whatever it takes. Pete: [whispering] Yeah, I know, I heard. I heard. Dwight: [places Nellie's hand on a board and holds up cleaver] This is it. Any questions? Nellie: Is it gonna be long? Dwight: No. It's gonna be over before you know it. Erin: [pretending to read news] Afghan president Hamid Karzai declared a new policy of dollar days throughout the country. Promising low, low prices on all 2012 Kia Sentras and Sonatas. Aren't you glad you waited? Karzai commented. Darryl: Um, where did you get that story? Erin: A little bit here, a little bit there. I bet you didn't think I knew current events. Andy: I love it. It's fantastic. Now, tag it with your name. Erin: For Channel 11 news, I'm Erin Hannon. Andy: Pause after 'news'. Erin: For Channel 11 news... I'm Erin Hannon. Andy: No, pause longer. Darryl: That was a good one. Andy: Pause, pause longer. OK? Builds suspense. Don't be shy. Erin: Got it. For Channel 11 news... [very long pause] Andy: Wha, it's- Erin: I'm Erin Hannon. Andy: OK. All right. Great. Some great stuff in there. Jim: [as Pam stares at him] I can feel you looking at me. Pam: OK. Well, here's something you don't know. A couple of weeks ago- Jim: Uh-huh. Pam: I ran into this guy from my high school who has just gotten divorced and he ht on me. In the mall. And I didn't tell you because, I don't know, I felt embarrassed. And, I didn't know if you would be mad or worried. But, anyway, I thought you'd want to know. Jim: [after a pause] That didn't happen. You would've told me right away. Pam: Yeah, I would've. What about you? Come on, there's gotta be something. Between your birth and the last two days, something you just haven't had the chance to tell me. Jim: Uh... [looks at Pam] Pam: [looks knowingly back] Just tell me. Jim: God, give it up, Beesley. You know me too well. Dwight: Heh! Ha! [making various sounds and movements while preparing to severe Nellie's hand] [Darryl enters, sees what's happening, and quietly exits] Pete: Hey, um, I knew something bothered me and I finally figured it out. What news producers are gonna want to see is how Erin relates to the other people on the news team. Erin: Oh. Pete: The weird thing is Erin is doing the audition alone. Erin: Oh god. Pete: Now, I'd say Clark could be your co-host... he's already doing camera. Erin: Tuh. Pete: Someone who's already got rapport with Erin, maybe. I don't know. [Andy smiles at camera] Dwight: Ha! [raises cleaver] This is for real this time. Darryl: It's getting late. I thought you guys could use a little [sets up laptop] inspiration. Nellie: [Darryl hits play] Oh, a movie. What is this? Darryl: 127 hours. It's about this guy who- Dwight: No, no. No spoilers. Please. Darryl: My bad. Dwight: No. Darryl: Goodnight. Clark: [answers his door to find Erin, Andy and Pete] Hey! Everybody. Andy: Yeah. Clark: Come in. Andy: All right! Clark: Come on in. Andy: Nice. Clark: [to Pete] What're you doing here? Pete: Sorry, man. Andy though Erin needed a co-anchor. I'm his makeup guy. My hands are tied. Erin: [news anchor audition] The victim was released from the hospital with second-degree burns. Andy: [also as anchor] Wow. You know what they say Erin. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Erin: Well, he tried to but the f*re door was blocked. Andy: He sure did. Clark: All right. We got that. That's a rap, everybody. Erin: Aw! Andy: Just, you sure Clark? Clark: Yep, she's done. Andy: No, I just, I don't mean Erin. I mean for me. I didn't feel good about that. Clark: No, we got it. We got it. Erin: Great! Let's get some food. I'm starving. Andy: I don't think we did get it. I could do, uh, a couple more takes. We could do it in close-up. That might even be better for editing. Clark: OK, I don't. Andy: All right. Erin: I'm hungry. Andy: Uh, Pete, you wanna take Erin to get a burger or something? Pete: Yeah, whatever you say, boss. Andy: OK. [to Erin] I'll call you later. Erin: OK. Andy: [to Clark] So this is a single. Erin: Hey, even if this doesn't work out for me, I'm just glad I had the guts to do it. And, maybe it'll work out for Andy. Dwight: [as he and Nellie watch the movie] Oh god. Nellie: That is absolutely revolting! Dwight: Yeah. Nellie: He is so good, though. Dwight: Yes. Nellie: The way he just cuts off his arm. Dwight: If you like James Franco, we really should watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Nellie: Well, he's a genius, you know? He was in graduate programs at Yale, Columbia and NYU all at the same time. Dwight: Whoopty doo. That doesn't make you a genius. Nellie: Well, it doesn't make you stupid. Dwight: Yeah, it does, actually. It makes you real stupid. Nellie: Stupid like you. Dwight: No, like you. Nellie: Like you. Dwight: You're the stupid one. Nellie: You're the stupid one. Dwight: You're the stupid one. Nellie: You're the stupid one. Dwight: You, you, you, you...	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x02 - Roy's Wedding"}	foreverdreaming
Fake Jim: Morning, Dwight Dwight: Who are you? Fake Jim: Who am I? I'm Jim. We've been working together for twelve years. Ha, Weird joke, Dwight. Dwight: You're not Jim. Jim's not Asian Fake Jim: You seriously never noticed? Hey, hats off to you for not seeing race. Dwight: Alright then Jim. Ahhh, why don't you tell me about that sale that you made yesterday? Fake Jim: Uh, Wellington systems? Sold them 10 cases of 24-pound letter stock. Or, were you talking about Krieger-Murphy? Because I didn't close that one yet, but I'm hoping I've got a voicemail from Paul Krieger waiting for me. Voicemail: Please enter your password. Voicemail: You have one new message. Dwight: How did you know? No! No, no! That is sensitive information only for employees, not outsiders! Fake Jim: Dwight, cut it out, I'm trying to work. Dwight: You don't work here! You're not Jim! Pam: Jim, I got us that dinner reservation. Grico's at 7:30. Fake Jim: Oh great, can't wait. [Kisses Pam] Pam: Jim's at the dentist this morning. And Steve is an actor friend of ours. Dwight: I don't know who you are, but you are not Jim. This is Jim! [Dwight shows fake Jim of the Halpert family portrait but notices that Jim and the kids have been replaced with fake Jim and Asian kids] Dwight: Oh my—! Oh d—! Oh, how did—? [gasps] Huhhhhh! Erin: Heyyy! Study buddies! Darryl: Oh, ok. Erin: Getting things done. Awesome! Darryl: It's all about finding ways to make yourself more efficient. Life hacking, baby. This morning, I brushed my teeth in the shower. Saved my self 90 seconds. Which I just used to explain this to you. Damn it! Darryl: Since Andy promoted me to assistant regional manager, I've been trying to step my game up, you know, be more productive. In fact, you know what? Let's knock out a few more of these sound bites while we're here. [pauses] Whoa! That person has really gotten him or herself into quite a predicament. Erin: [speaking in French] S"il vous plait...dites-Moi...Ugggghhh les Bleagh! Dwight: Ah, French. It's a great language. If you're a chain-smoking acrobat. Erin: I'm just trying to fit in better with Andy's family. They all speak more than one language. Usually when I'm there! Dwight: You wanna learn a really impressive second language? Try dothraki. Win over any man in my guild. Dwight: Dothraki is the native tongue of the nomadic wr-mongering horse lords of Essos as featured in the superb Home Box Office series, Game of Thrones. It has a lot of nudity. Which I fast-forward through to get to the chopped-off heads. Dwight: I could teach you if you want. It's a lot easier than French. Erin: Yeah! Let's do it! Dwight: [exclaims] Atherozar! Erin: [shocked] Oh! Dwight: It means "excellent". And we have gn. Pam: [asks Nellie who is tapping a pen on her desk]. Is everything okay? Nellie: Hmm? Oh—oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine. Fine, fine, fine. I'm mean, I d—I just don't wanna—burden you with my massive stress freak outs! Pam: Great. Nellie: It's just that I am taking my driver's license test in two days, and I need to practice with an experienced driver in the car. But I've had no time to do that, thanks to "Demandy"...[Points to Andy's office with her thumb]. I just want to ht the open road and drive, man! But...in who's car? Andy: [yells] Nellie! Get your wrinkly old balls in here. Nellie: [sighs] Pam: Nellie, I could practice with you in my car at lunchtime. Nellie: Oh, Pam, thank you! You are my savior! [hugs Pam] Nellie and Pam: [giggling] ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Pam: [to Jim] I'm sorry, I'm leaving you alone for lunch. Jim: Don't worry about it. I have a thing. A thing of soup. Which I've been wanting to try. Nellie: This is my research into how we might produce child-proof paper that doesn't give you paper cuts. We can't. And here is a print out of your genealogy from thisisyourfamilytree.com Andy: Executive-summary me. ht the highlights. Nellie: Well, it turns out, you are a distant blood relative of Michelle Obama! Andy: As in... Nellie: Wife of Barack, loves gardening, wants to wipe out fat children. Andy: [silently mouths] Wow! Andy: This is super-flattering. She's the most popular person in America. This is a big day for both of us. Andy: My fellow Americans, I have a feeling my approval rating is about to go through the roof. Turns out, I am related to Michelle Obama. Erin: I was intimidated by Andy's family before. And now I have to see the First Lady at holidays? She's gonna be like, "What's your stance on politics?" Or, "What is the best wr to do?" And, I will just be like, "Duhhhh!" Andy: Alright! We gotta get rid of all this junk food. Get fit, America! Not sure if the buzz has reached the annex yet, but uh...I'm related to Michelle Obama. [Clark and Peter clap] Pete: Yeah we noticed early on, Andy really appreciates enthusiasm. Clark: So we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders. Clark: Oooohhhhhhhh! [They clap when Andy slams dunks his garbage into the bin] [They clap when Andy prints a paper copy out] [They clap when the water cooler jar makes bubbles while Andy is standing next to it.] Clark: It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome. Pete: Yeah, me too. It's weird. Hard to remember what's real at this point. Clark: Just clap through it, man. Darryl: You log in sales at ten different times. If you log ‘em all at once, you save a lot of time. It's called batching. Jim: That was really good, Darryl. Darryl: Life hacking, man. Andy: There he is! Jim: Andy, you gotta check this out. He just showed me—[gets interrupted by Andy]. Andy: [shushing Jim] Ahhhthathathathathta. Right now I need canned tuna, okay? Darryl, guess which talented individual, who also has a kller singing voice, is related to the First Lady? Darryl: Tracee Ellis Ross. Daughter of the First Lady of Motown, Diana Ross. Andy: It's me! [chuckles] I am related to Michelle Obama. Darryl: What?! Really? Andy: I mean, it's distant, but... Darryl: [chuckles in agreement] Huh ha! That's cool, man. Andy: Right? Andy: Darryl said, "Cool, man." He called me as cool man. Pam: You know, I really do think it would be worth it to pull over and just take ten minutes to eat. Nellie: Mmmm—the thing is Pam, I'm gonna be eating while I'm driving, so, I might as well get good at it. Pam: Brake lights. Break lights! Break lights! Break lights!!! Nellie: Whhooooo! Oscar: I'm just saying, what does it imply in this country when a white person shares an ancestor with a black person? Phyllis: You think that Andy's family owned slaves? Stanley: Well somebody owned somebody. And I don't think anybody would buy an Andy. Dwight: I throat-rip. Erin: Foth aggendak! Dwight: You throat-rip. Erin: Foth aggendi! Dwight: He/she/it throat rips. Erin: Foth aggenda! Dwight: More of a, barbaric growl. Erin: [in a barbaric growl] Forth aggenda! Dwight: Louder! You're shouting it from the back of a horse! Erin: Wah!! Aggenda!! Pam: Pretty crazy about Andy and Michelle Obama, huh? Nellie: [laughs mischievously] Yeeeeahhhh! It's almost unbelievable! Pam: What? Nellie: Well, you know how Andy has been really salting my onions, lately. Pam: Sure. Nellie: Well, when he asked me to look up his ancestry online, I remembered that news story about Michelle Obama having white relatives, and I just knew he would eat that up! Pam: So he's not related to Michelle Obama? Nellie: Pam, I barely know how to turn on my computer. Pam: [laughs] Pam: Nellie's pretty fearless. And I think she might be maybe even almost sort of fun. Nellie: [whispers] Pam! [she pretends to slam a wrench over the tire service guy's head]. Pam: [laughs] Oscar: Well, if there's another explanation, I don't really see what it could possibly be. I—[gets cut by Andy barging into the convo] Andy: What's going on here? I'm related to the first lady, okay? Get over it. [chuckles] I still need weekly status reports from most of you, sooooo, can we get back to work, please? Get back to work! [Mimicks smacking everyone with a whipl]. Oscar: Andy! Andy! No! I would be very polite today. Andy: Why? Is it employee's day or something? I cannot keep track of these BS holidays. Oscar: Your connection. To Michelle Obama has certain... negative connotations. Most likely, your family were—slve owners. Andy: Does anyone else think it's possible that I come from slve owners? [everyone raises their hands.] Darryl: Whoa! That person has really gotten him or herself into quite a predicament. Andy: Hey mom, it's Andy. Give me a call when you get a chance gotta quick question for you, uhhhh no big deal just about America's national shame, thanks, Bye. [Continues] Where were we? Uhhhh, yes. Okay. Your...productivity thing. Darryl: Yes, yes, yes. Andy: Great. Ooo! Spreadsheets! Yum, yum! Darryl: I included some time saving ideas... Andy: Huh huh huh. Look, I'm not gonna lie to ya, I'm a teensy bit distracted right now. Darryl: Look, Andy, even if your ancestors did own slaves, it wouldn't be your fault. This is only weird if you make it weird. Andy: [snaps his fingers] Right on, brotha. Wurddd. Erin: Addor! Dwight: Daraas! Erin: Qazer! Dwight: Daraas! [asks the rest of the office] Does anyone here have fermented mare's milk? Pete: Hey Erin! Erin: Azem choma! Chomakka-attun! Pete: Oh—okay. Sorry. Nellie: Oh, still, it must great to have something else going on outside of work. Pam: Yeah—turn signal. It's exciting to be painting again—those are the wipers. So—the—its—just. There you go! Yeah. [chuckles] Yeah, things get so busy with the kids—red light—that it's nice to have that creative outlet—red light! Red light! Red! Red! Nellie: That is brilliant, Pam. I would love to see some of your work. Pam: Well, since we're stopped at a light, uhhh, here is...the mural I did for Angela's baby. Nellie: That's amazing, Pam! Oh, I love the lion in the tuxedo! Pam: Angela insisted that all the animals be fully clothed. Andy: [to Erin]. Heyyy, has anyone turned in their status reports up here? Erin: Vos! Andy: So, no? You think maybe you could remind people? I'm trying to down play the whole bossy boss thing today. Erin: Because of your slaves. Andy: Not my slaves, my ancestors'. Maybe. Probably not. Erin: Well, if it makes you feel any better, the dothraki word for "slve master", "attafrauk!", is a term of respect. I'm learning how to speak dothraki! Color you impressed? Andy: That you're learning a made-up language from HBO's Game of Thrones? I have a lot going on today...but this was a great nerd-out! Erin: Dwight, you didn't tell me you were teaching me a fake language. Dwight: People laughed at Klingon at first, and now you can major in it. Andy: Hi guys. Phyllis: Hey boss! I am so thirsty. Could I have a scoop of water? Andy: Yeah. You don't have to ask me. [Phyllis lets out stifled laughter] Andy: Ha ha! Okay. Great. Very funny. I get it. Just because my ancestors happen to be—[ringtone of Dixie plays]. Very funny, Kevin. Changed my ringtone. Very funny. I liked the original song on my ringtone, which, you may remember, was "Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes" by Paul Simon, featurinnnngg Lady Smith—African American—Mambazo. Pam: Good. Very good. [cell phone beeping]Oh—no! Here. It's, uh, a text from Andy. "New special proj. Need fam tree for evbody. Really dig up dirt A.S.A.P." And then in parentheses, he wrote out "as soon as possible." Nellie: Mm. Ugh, looks like its pretend-y time again. Write back, "looking for dirt." Pam: Oh, can I help? We could say someone is related to, uhm, Tonya Harding. Nellie: Pam, I'm related to Tonya Harding. Pam: Oh—gee—I'm— Nellie: No! I'm just practicing my lyyiiinggg! [whispers] I love it. Pam: Brilliant! Nellie: What should we say about Jim? Pam: Ummm. Oh! I'll say he's related to Richard Nixon. It's an inside joke. He looks really Nixon-y when he wakes up. Nellie: My ex behaved like Nixon. All of the lying. None of the sexual charisma. [pauses] I just made a joke there. Pam: I'm sorry. It's just, uhm, I actually do have this weird feeling that there's something Jim isn't telling me. Nellie: Oh no! Oh! An affair! It is always an affair! Pam: Jim? No. Nellie: [sighs]. How can you be sure? Pam: Because he just loves me too much. Nellie: You're a cocky little thing, aren't you, Pam? Andy: I've done a little genealogy research of my own. Turn out I'm not the only one with a few skeletons in the ol' family closet. For example, Phyllis's great-great grandmother was responsible for spreading cholera to the United States. Angela: Ew. Andy: Kevin is related to both John Wayne Gacy and John Wayne Bobbitt. Kevin: And John Wayne? Andy: No. Not that I see here. Kevin: Wayne Johnson? The Rock? Andy: You mean Dwayne? And no. What about Jim Halpert? Uh oh! Turns out, distant relative of the reviled, Richard Nixon! Jim: Pam always says I look like Nixon. That's crazy, right? I mean there's nothing there. True—[touches his nose] Oh no. Andy: Dwight's grandfather was a—[is interrupted by Dwight]. Dwight: Was a member of the Bund. Which is not technically the same thing as the nzi party. So...[clears throat] Andy: I was gonna say he was a tax evader. Dwight: Oh. I was joking about that whole Bund thing. Oh ho, the look on your faces! Hahhahahahahah! Hahahahahah! Andy: And Meredith is a blood relative of Lizzie Borden. Meredith: Cool! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! [mimics sab into Angela's throat] Angela: Stop it! Stop it! You're frightening me! Phyllis: Andy, did you call this meeting just to talk junk about our families? Kevin: Yeah, that—you're being really mean, Andy. Dwight: Yeah, Andy. Andy: No, I'm proving a point, okay? We all have ancestors who may have done horrible things in the past. But it's in the past and it's not our fault. So we don't have to talk about it. Oscar: The difference is, Andy, that you're the only be here still benefitting from the terrible things that your ancestors did. Andy: Might've done. And how... do you figure? Oscar: Your family's rich! I have to believe that a big part of the Bernard fortune was earned on the backs of slaves. Andy: You know, there's nothing wrong with being successful in America, Oscar! I'm not gonna apologize for my family's wealth. That wealth, could one day benefit society...if capital gains are ever taxed as the same rate as earned income. [ringtone of Dixie plays] Okay, Kevin did that. I do not wish I was in Dixie. [answers phone] Hey mom, how are ya? Did any Bernards ever own a plantation in the south? [to the group] She said no! Take that! [gets back on phone] Follow up question. Did any Bernards, ever, make money, in an unsavory way? [speaks quietly into the phone] I just asked you! Why didn't you just say that? [continues speaking quietly] Oh, stop! Stop! Stop talking! Stop taking! That's—no! I don't wanna know that. Ok. You're interrupting a meeting I have to go. Love you. Bye. [faces the group] Well, turns out the Bernard's of yore did not own slaves. Oscar: Really? Andy: We merely transported them. Which at worst, makes us amoral middlemen. [Clark begins to clap but Pete immediately stops him.] Andy: Yo, d-dog. I need your help. I'm trying to think of things I can say that make it sound like I had a more difficult childhood than I actually had. Darryl: You're gonna po' mouth Andy: Exactly. Help me po' mouth, Darryl. Darryl: Actually, Andy, you promised me five minutes to talk about productivity suggestions— Andy: What if I said that my dad bat me. And, I just left out the croquet of it all. Or, I could just go all the way and just say I grew up in an apartment. Or is that too crazy? Darryl: That could work. Andy: You now, Darryl, this is textbook assistant regional manager stuff here, and I feel like I'm doing all the heavy lifting. I'm coming up with all the ideas here. Darryl: I'm going for a walk. Andy: [with a sigh] Okay. Pam: Good. Good. And—[Nellie hits the car against the bushes] Jim: You doing alright, man? Darryl: I'm done. I gotta get out of here. Jim: Yeah. Not the easiest day to be assistant regional manager. Darryl: It's not just today, it's everyday. It seems like the better title I have, the stupider my job gets. Jim: Oh, come on, it can always get better. Right? Darryl: Hmm. Yeah right Jim: No, I'm serious. There's always something better. Darryl: Like what? Jim: Like hypothetically... if I said there was another job. That you and I could both have. Darryl: What kind of job? Jim: Something cool. Like, sports marketing or... that sound something like you'd be into? Darryl: Hell yeah! Jim: Right? Darryl: That sounds awesome! Jim: Ok, but wait. What if I told you that it was in Philly! So you'd have to... Darryl: I love Philly! Jim: Right? Darryl: It's not even a thought— Jim: Not even a thought! It's not even that far away! I could still commute! Exactly. Exactly! Alright! Darryl: What? Wait, wait, wait? So what? This happening? Jim: Oh, it's happening! Let's just keep it between you and me for right now. Darryl: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. For sure. for sure. Man! And Pam's into it? Jim: We, uh, we haven't talked about. But I think that she's—I think she understands... what this is. Darryl: Oh, come on, man. I thought you had something real. Jim: What? No, no, no! Come on! This is real! Darryl: It's not real... until your wife is on board. Pam: So what did you want to show me? Nellie: That is quite an ugly wall, isn't it? Pam: Yeah. It's really ugly Nellie: Needs something, doesn't it? I'm thinking...a mural. Pam: You mean me? Nellie: Yes! You! You are soo talented! It's going to be my next special project. Hiring Scranton's most dangerous young muralist to paint the warehouse wall. Pam: Oh my god! I love it! Uh, I—Nellie, this is brilliant! [sees Jim] Hey! Jim: Hey! Can I talk you? For a second? Nellie: Anything you have to say to her, you can say to me. She never loved you! Pam: What?! No! I-I got this. [Laughs] Okay? Nellie: [quietly] This is his fault. It is not your fault. I'm gonna find you someone better, and rich. Nellie: And Filipino. But we'll break that to her later. Nellie: [to Darryl] You know what this is all about. Darryl: Yeah. You too, huh? Nellie: Yeah. Go on, spill it. Tell her all the gory details, youuuu sssnake! Darryl: Hey! He deserves this. And he said I could get in on it too. [whispers] Yeah. Nellie: Ohhh, Pam, nooo! Oh, I can't bear to watch this. Jim: I don't know what I was so worried about. I have the best wife in the world. Pam: I still can't believe he didn't tell me. Pam: I was helping Nellie drive—[Stanley interrupts] Stanley: Do not care. Pete: Fonas chek! Erin: Dothraas! chek! [giggles] Andy: I like that guy. We should hook him up with Meredith. Erin: [in agreement] Hmmm!	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x03 - Andy's Ancestry"}	foreverdreaming
Andy: Alright everybody, great season of softball, I'm super proud of you guys and I think you're gonna like this little highlight reel that I put together. [Andy plays video] Group: Dunder Mifflin! Andy: Andy Bernard presents: Summer Softball Epic Fails! [Kevin swings bat on screen, fart noise follows] Fail. [repeats] Fail. Kevin: That's me. [repeats] Andy: Fail. Oscar: Is this like a blooper reel? Andy: A blooper reel? What is this, 2005? I look like Bob Saget? Fail! [Points to video] Who's this guy? [Jim steps back and forth from plate on video as Andy sings Meow Mix theme]Look at him dance. Fail! Dwight: Fail! Jim: I deserved that. Andy: [Darryl runs in slow motion on video] Do do do do do do do. Darryl: That was a triple. Andy: Can't take the fail? Get out of the fail video! Darryl: My pleasure. [Clark and Pete are shown on screen] Video Andy: Hey, I'm Pete, puberty is such a drag, man. And I'm Clark! I like to eat toilet paper. [Clark and Pete wave at camera] We fail! [Video shows memorial of Jerry] Andy: I'd like to take a solemn moment to remember Jerry in the warehouse who passed away this year. [Screen flashes 'FAIL' over Jerry's face, accompanied by fart noise, repeats twice.] Well, that's all folks. [photo of Andy watersking shows on screen] Ski ya later everybody. Thanks for a great season. [Group claps halfheartedly] Oscar: What was that? That was just a normal video with you making vulgar noises. Andy: Well, I worked with what I had, Oscar. Next time do more failure stuff, OK? Jim: Uh, what happened to that video I sent you? Andy: Oh that wasn't...that didn't work. That was not the right..[Group protests] Jim: I think I got it right here. [Cheering on screen, Andy struggles with lifting water cooler, then falls over dumping the fluids on himself][Group laughs] Andy: That was not a fail. Group: Fail! Fail! Fail!... Andy: [Group continues chanting "Fail!"]That was actually a serious accident that could have resulted in severe bodily harm. [Group keeps chanting] You're all failing right now. [Group continues] Congratulations on your epic fail of the use of the word fail! [Group claps and chants] Dwight: [Toby uses tester on wall as Erin marks wall with red tape X] Oh, god. Phyllis: What's going on? Dwight: Nothing! Nothing is going on. Keep moving please. Stanley: What's he measuring? Dwight: OK, excuse me. I am the landlord. This is between me and the management, no one else. Please. Toby: It's an EMF hotspot. Phyllis: [Gasps] Oh my god! Oscar: It stands for electromagnetic field. Generally cause by a concentration of wiring in one area [Erin marks red tape X on the floor] Especially if they're poorly insulated. Dwight. Andy: Um, OK I'm just walking into this. Am I to understand there is a bee hive in the wall? Toby: You think I have a machine for measuring bee hives? Andy: I was just asking a question, Toby. How are you not mrder every hour? Stanley: Well I'm not getting paid to work in a microwave oven. Dwight: OK, listen. Everything here is up to code. Dwight: [mocking] Oh, the wires need insulation. [normal voice] It's a wire people. I'm not buying it a fur coat. Pam: [Jim rushes to open door for her] Thank you. Jim: You got it. Jim: Last week, I finally told Pam about the other job I took in Philly...the side job. And she was so incredibly cool about it. And now I just wanna do something huge for her. Like if we were in some biker bar and she mouthed off to some bikers and they came lumbering over and I was like wham! [mimes punch] Gotta go through me first. Nellie: Andy, could I have a word please? Um, it won't take a moment. It's extremely important and it really has to happen now. Andy: Fine. I will give you one minute. Nellie: Oh, please don't use the hourglass. Andy: You have one minute and your minute has gn and no time will be added at the end, even to accommodate this sentence with all of it's baroque dependent clauses and cascading turns of phrase. Nellie: I'm trying to adopt a baby. Andy: A baby what? A human?! Nellie: And the...agency require a character reference from my employer. Andy: Oh. Nellie: You wouldn't have to do anything. I would write the letter myself and you just simply sign it. So. Andy: Oh, OK. And fall right into your plagiarism entrapment scheme? I don't think so. Nellie: It's not..it's- Andy: And I happen to notice you're down to about thirty seconds here. Nellie: Well then if I could just convince... Andy: And those sand grains are tumbling.. Nellie: You. Andy: With fury... Nellie: It's not..it's not Andy: Down the sides.. Nellie: Entrapment if I'm.. Andy: Of the hourglass.. Nellie: ..writing.. Andy: Time's up! Nellie: Fine. Andy: Sure. I'll read her letter. And if she tells the truth about how evil and unfit to be a mother she is, then yeah. I'll sign that. Dwight: [Reading from computer] "Statistical correlations exist between EMF radiation and various health hazards. But mainstream studies are inconclusive!" That means you can't make me do squat. Meredith: You better fix this. I already ditched my uterus and I ain't losing any more good parts. Dwight: You people don't realize what you're asking. I'd have to rip open the walls. We'd have to shut this place down for a week. Pam: Week off. That'd be great. Darryl: [Jim puts popcorn bag in microwave] Hey, if you don't want to teach me Power Point, just say so. Clark: I don't want to teach you Power Point. Darryl: Come on! Just show me the Power Point. Clark: Just do the tutorial. Darryl: You're the tutorial. Clark: No, dude, I'm not. I'm not the tutorial. Darryl: You could be. Clark: Mm-mm. Darryl: [to Jim] What are you doing? Jim: Getting my wife a week off from work. Darryl: You popped one kernel. Jim: Awesome, right? [leaves] Clark: So Creed is that dude's step dad? Darryl: Correct. Jim: Well, I don't know about the rest of you but I'm just gonna say it. I'm nervous. I have no idea what health problems this is all gonna cause. [group agrees, protests] Dwight: What? Come on. Creed: I'm getting older. I'm losing my hair... Meredith: I'm not gonna grow a third arm! Dwight: I know what Jim is trying to do. He's trying to get big bad Dwight to shell out for a huge repair job while lucky Jimbo gets a paid vacation. Well sorry, lucky Jimbo, I can live very happily in a magnetic field. Most of my childhood heroes got their power that way. Jim: [reading from computer] "Side effects of EMF include: headaches..." Dwight: Had 'em all my life. Jim:"..breast pain..." Dwight: No nobbies, no probbies. Nice try Jim. Jim: Oof. "Infertility." Dwight: [scoffs] Yeah right. [Dwight moves mouse pad over his crotch] Jim: Ah! There's my popcorn. Can you just grab that for me? Dwight: Psh. Keep your snacks on your side, Jim. Idiot. [notices popped kernels in the bag] What the? Jim: What? Dwight: Some of these kernels have crowned. Jim: That's impossible, cause that's a brand new bag...[looks up to ceiling where there is a red tape X over Dwight's chair] Oh my god. Dwight: Andy! [Jim mimes basketball sht] Jim: I'm gonna drive you up to the lake, give you a whole week on the water. Just you, me and the kids. Pam: Oh, can we stop by that pie stand on the way? Jim: You mean Laverne's Pies Tires Fixed Also? [Pam nods] Yes we will be doing that. We'll be getting a dozen. Pam: A dozen different pies? Cause that means rhubarb. Jim: Why would you say that? I meant 4 apple, 4 blueberry, 2 cherry, 1 peach and 1 chocolate. I thought that was implied. Pam: Yeah, OK then. Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, I have heard your complaints and we reached a settlement. Dwight: So, we will be leaving the office for one whole week. Meredith: Nice job. Dwight: In my contract, it is stipulated that I provide a temporary work space. It will arrive in one hour. Jim: What? Pam: What's this? Andy: Whoa! Jim: What? Dwight: [Bus pulls into lot] Bring it in! Dwight: Roll into the future with Work Bus. Say goodbye to wasteful buildings. These days a mobile office isn't just for hotshot politicians. Now anyone can rent a work bus. [Meredith and Kevin bump chairs in bus angrily] If you've got a parking lot, a work space is just a phone call away. [Erin tapes candy dish to pole] In this age of belt tightening and less empowered workers, a work bus is how tomorrow gets things done. Stanley: [on phone] There are a hundred packs.. Oscar: [On phone] No six after the eight, no.... Stanley: Shh! Oscar: Shh! Stanley: Ninety nine cases..yeah. Oscar: Six. [Pete opens air vent over Angela, papers go flying] Angela: Ooh! Pete: Oh sorry! Sorry. Angela: Oh my god! Erin: [bumps into Meredith] Sorry. Meredith: Lose weight. Erin: I'm trying. Sorry. Erin: [handing Nelly envelope] Oh, the Pennsylvania Department of Public Welfare Pre-Adoption Standard. Nellie: Oh of course, you were adopted. Erin: [laughs] I wish! No, I um, I made some short lists. I had a couple sleepovers, but I never managed to get in the end zone. I don't know what it was. Not loveable maybe? [laughs] Oh well. Nellie: Listen, I'm really struggling with this form. But as you know the system, you think maybe you could..? Erin: Absolutely. I know exactly what they want to hear. I would love to help. Nellie: Oh thank you so much! Erin: [whispers] Just don't tell Andy, because.. Nellie: He hates me and thinks I'm a monster. Should go back to Loch Ness. [Erin nods] Clark: Stretch. Alright. Stanley: How many times do you need to take a stroll? Clark: I, my legs cramp up! Ok, it's a circulation issue. Stanley: Boy, I will hammer spank your rear. Jim: Alright, alright, gng. Let's just settle down. You're yelling in her face. Clark: It's a medical thing. Jim: Just...you good? Clark: I'm good. I.. Jim: [to Pam] I'm so sorry for all of this. Pam: It's OK. You know what they say, a change is as good as a rest. Angela: I, I need to get to the paper please. [Reaching for overhead bin above Pam, papers fall and Pam has liquid spilled on her] Pam: Oh my god! Ah! Jim: I'll get you a napkin. Someone get napkins please! Pam: You know what? It's fine, it's fine. Let me just...it's fine. [Pam leaves work bus] Jim: Pam, I'm really sorry. I- I'm really sorry about...all that. [Dwight smiles at Jim] Really? Smirking? Dwight: What can I say? I love justice. You forced me to spend money on needless repairs, and uh now you're locked in a prison bus and your woman drips with beverage. Jim: Hey, Dwight. I was trying to do something nice for Pam. Can you just, help me out? Can we maybe take this thing somewhere? Or do something to not make this the worst day ever? Dwight: It's not my responsibility to solve your marriage problems by spending my money on gas. Jim: Andy! Andy: Yo. Dudeces. Jim: You're the boss. Don't you think we'd all be a lot more productive if while we were doing work we looked up and saw the best rural pie stand in Pennsylvania? Phyllis: Oh, I know I'd be more productive. Kevin: As would I. Stanley: No question. Dwight: No. No! This is a work bus. The wheels are for transporting the work space to and from the work site. Jim: What are you talking about? You're not the boss. Andy is. Andy? Phyllis, Kevin & Stanley: Pies! Pies! Pies! Pies! Pies! Andy: Alright! The fat people have spoken! Dwight, get this bus moving. Erin: Yes! [Group cheers] Jim: Next stop: Laverne's Pies Tires Fixed Also. Pam: Oh! Yes! [Group cheers, Dwight moves to driver seat] Jim: [To Dwight] So it looks like this work bus was a pretty good idea after all, huh? Dwight: Get your foot behind the yellow line. Jim: You got it. Erin: Yeah Jim! [Group claps] Darryl: [Sitting outside building] Stop. Clark: Come back. Darryl: Too late. Clark: Mmm. Group: Shabooyah, role call. Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah, role call. Pam: My name is Pam. Group: Yeah! Pam: I like to paint. Group: Yeah! Pam: You think you're better? Group: Yeah! Pam: Oh no you ain't! Group: Role Call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah, role call! Kevin: My name is Kevin. Group: Yeah! Kevin: That is my name. Group: Yeah! Kevin: They call me Kevin. Group: Yeah! Kevin: Cause that's my name. Group: Role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah role call! Creed: [Dwight pulls over to pick up hitchhiker] Thanks. Playing a little hookey from work today....Oh my god. Andy: Dunder Mifflin road trip twenty twelve! [group takes pictures] Ah OK, now a serious one. Pam: Hey, where's Dwight? He should be a part of this. Has he been acting kinda weird to you lately? Jim: If by lately you mean the last twelve years, yeah. Pam: No, I mean he's sulking. That's not like him. Jim: He's just mad that we're all having fun. Pam: Then why isn't he scheming? Or preparing to avenge? Jim: He's fine. He's indestructible. Erin: Always say that a child is placed for adoption, never surrendered. We're not hostages. Nellie: [laughs] Well, I have considered kidnapping one. Erin: Never say that. Erin: I am so excited thinking about this child you're going to adopt. Nellie: I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make you a parentless five year old again. I would snap you up. Stanley: Next stop pies! [group joins in] Group: Next stop pies! Kevin: Next stop pies! Jim: Let's go driver! [clapping] Laverne packs up the pie wagon at five so... Kevin: At five? That's only twenty minutes from now. The pie shop is thirteen miles away. So at fifty five miles an hour that just gives us five minutes to spare. Angela: So wait, when pies are involved you can suddenly do math in your head? Kevin: Wh... Oscar: Hold on, Kevin, how much is 19,154 pies divided by 61 pies? Kevin: 314 pies. Oscar: What if it were salads? Kevin: Well, it's the...carry the four...and...it doesn't work. Dwight: I'm sorry to spoil Jim's fantastic voyage everyone, but we're almost out of gas. Jim: OK, well I saw a station about a mile back so, chop chop. Dwight: That name brand place? Nope forget about it, sorry. The tnk are so big on this thing, five cents a gallon extra, that really adds up. Jim: Are you kidding me? Dwight, come on! Pam: Hey honey, I don't think we should push him. Jim: Oh no, I'm gonna push him. You know why? Because you're getting a pie. Why? Cause you deserve it. And what is he doing? He's trying to drive us all around the countryside looking for gas because he knows we won't get there. Is that what we want?! Group: No! Dwight: Stop ordering me around, Jim! Jim: What do we want?! Group: Pies! Jim: When do we want it?! Group: Pies! Dwight: OK, fine. You win. Jim, you win. We have been battling for a long time, but you know what? You win, cause you are the winner, you are the alpha male, there you go. [drops keys in Jim's lap] Alpha male, go buy your wife a pie. Go buy the whole world a pie. Jim: That's impossible. [Dwight climbs through ceiling hatch] Dwight! Meredith: Oh my! Jim: What are you doing? Meredith: Dwight, what the hell? Oscar: Dwight! Clark: What? Kevin: Well now I don't even feel like pie. Wait...no it's back. Phyllis: [Dwight's footsteps sound from the ceiling] Just drive away. Just.. Pam: Phyllis! That's not safe. Kevin: Guys, we only have eighteen minutes left. At sixty one miles an hour we're just gonna barely make it. Pam: [to Jim] Go up and check on him. He's upset. Jim: You know he's doing all this on purpose. Pam: Please? Just make sure he's OK? [Jim climbs through hatch] Stanley: Hurry it up for god's sake. They're gonna be out of banana cream! Andy: Banana cream is the first to go. We'll be lucky to get pumpkin at this point! [group gasps] Meredith: What? Jim: Dwight? Why are you such a jerk? I am trying to do something for my wife and you keep derailing- Dwight: I'm barren, Jim. Jim: What? Dwight: My trouser hives are void of honey. I had congress with Angela and the child that she bore did not issue from my loins. I thought I would be a father and instead I am a eunuch. Neutered by my own building. Jim: Is this about the popcorn? Or the X on the ceiling? Dwight, that was a prank. Dwight: You mean you flooded my building with dangerous electromagnetic radiation as a prank? Jim: No. Dwight: That's genius. That's the best prank you've ever done. [laughs] Jim: I'll take it. Nellie: Andy? Andy: Who is it? Nellie: Um, is this a good time? Andy: Yeah. Perfect time. I'm right in the middle of a rooftop crisis. [takes paper from Nelly] Fine, let me read it. What do we have here? Uh, ok, [reading] blah blah blah blah blah, dah dah dah dah dah dah, you've made this very easy for me. It's unsignable. Nellie: Oh, why, is there something? Andy: It's inaccurate, dishonest and...in a word? Dongwater. Nellie: Ah well, perhaps I could rewrite some of the- Andy: Here's the thing, you asked me to do you a favor? I did it. I read it. Thank you very much to me for my time. Good luck with your impossible dream. Nellie: Alright then. Jim: Dwight, sometimes it takes couples years to get pregnant. Dwight: Really? How long did it take you and Pam to conceive? Jim: That doesn't matter. Dwight: What position did you use to conceive? Jim: Ok...that's not... Dwight: Regular? Or lady on her back? You used lady on her back, didn't you, you freak. Yuck, gross. Never mind, Jim. Andy: [To Pete. Crying sounds come from behind Nelly's curtain] British women. Famously overemotional. Am I right? Pete: I don't think that's Nelly. Andy: What? Nellie: Oh, oh no, no. Look, it's alright. [Erin cries, Nelly comforts her] It really isn't your fault. No, no. Look, it's...you were so kind. And it isn't anything to do with you. Jim: Did you ever think that because you own the building, everyone in it, we're all kinda like your children? Dwight: You know there's a phrase about that in German. Bildenkinder. Used almost exclusively by childless landlords to console themselves. But now? I really understand it. Jim: Well, now you have a bus full of real..bilden..kin.. Dwight: Bildenkinder. Jim: OK. And they're all dangerously close to not getting pie. And there's only one guy who can save them. It's not me. Pam: Oh! [Jim reenters bus through hatch] Hey! How'd it go? Jim: It's pretty good actually. Pam: Yeah? Jim: We bonded. We got to- [Dwight starts dropping into the bus on top of Jim] Oscar: Whoa! Whoa! Dwight! [group reacts] Dwight: When you don't get out of the way! Out of the way! Pam: You feel OK now? Dwight: Oh, better than OK. [grabs Pam's shoulders] You know what honey? I'm gonna get you that rhubarb pie. Pam: Well, actually, rhubarb is- Jim: Don't.. Pam: the one pie that I don't. Jim: Don't.. Dwight: Everybody! Hang on! [Dwight pulls out quickly] Angela: Oh! [bus tears around corners as group crashes into each other] Jim: [Group chants along] Pie! Pie! Pie! Group: Pie! Pie! Pie! Pie! [cheers as they arrive] Nellie: Oh. Andy: I changed my mind. [gives Nelly papers] Nellie: Oh, you signed it? Andy: Yeah. Not as is, obviously. Made a couple changes. Added some sentences at the end. Trust me it needed it. [laughs] Well, yeah, whatever. So. [walks away] Nellie: [Reading] "She's tough in business, but tender with the people she cares about. She'll make a wonderful mother to any child who can overlook weird accents." Kevin: I insult you, Oscar. Oscar: What? Kevin: I insult you! To your face! Oscar: I don't know what you're talking about. Kevin: Then why don't you do something about it? Oscar: [laughs] Kevin, are you trying to get me to ht you? In the face with my pie? Kevin: You don't have the guts. You stupid, dumb, doo doo face! [Oscar pies Kevin] Yes! Pam: Oh my god. I'm getting so stuffed. Jim: We did it. Pam: You did it. Andy: My name is Andy! Group: [bored] Yeah. Andy: I don't do drugs! Group: Yeah. Andy: Now check the style! Group: Yeah. Andy: Of Flatt & Scruggs! Group: Yeah. [Andy plays banjo] Pam: Role call. Phyllis: Role call. Oscar: Role call. Creed: What?	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x04 - Work Bus"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: This year I decided to really get into the spirit of Halloween. Erin: [screaming upon seeing pumpkin-headed Dwight] Dwight: [screaming then laughing] It may have been the costliest decision I've ever made. Dwight: My greased up head went into the pumpkin no problem, but ... Jim: It won't budge. Dwight: I can't get it out. Try again! Dwight: I mean, I could try destroying the pumpkin... Dwight: [as Jim approaches with a Knfe] Jim, no. No. No! No! Dwight: But as Jim and I discovered... No! ... any blow to the pumpkin itself could prove fatal to me. Dwight: At first I drove myself crazy thinking about the things I should have done differently. I never should have played that joke on Erin. I never should have hollowed out this damn pumpkin in the first place. Then I realized that I was being silly. I mean the pumpkin should rot off of my head in a month or two. Right? Erin: Hey guys. Pam: Hey. Erin: Pam, what are you? Pam: I am Dr. Cinderella. Jim: Cece's really into princesses now. So we decided to turn them into a positive female role models. Pam: I'm an oncologist and you are a dog. Erin: No, I'm a puppy. Dang it! I was worried that would happen. Jim: It's Okay. Erin: Uh, Jim, you're not dressed up at all. Jim: Sure I am. I am... one of the Men in Black guys. [to Pam, under his breath] Can I have your sunglasses? Erin: Jim, come on. I thought we were past this. Pam: So the sports marketing business that Jim told everyone about except for me? Jim: There's a big investment lunch today, so I decided to skip the costume. Pam: Unless he has a secret costume that he told everyone about except for me. Jim: Gettin' a lot of mileage out of this, aren't ya? Pam: Yeah, well, get used to it, bud. Andy: A jitterbug. [giggles] You guys look great! Just a reminder. The party is right after lunch, so make sure you get all your work done before that or throw it out. Any questions? Angela: The senator will be joining us later. Andy: Not a question. Angela: No, it wasn't. Andy: Excellent. That reminds me, has anyone seen Treble? Anyone? I could have sworn I saw some Treble somewhere. HCT: [singing] Andy: Oh, ladies and gentlemen, Here Comes Treble! HCT: [sings Karma Chameleon] Andy: Aaah! [everyone clapping] So good! Dwight: What lab did these little clones escape from? Andy: My Cornell a capella group. Pam: You were in an a capella group? Darryl: You went to Cornell? Andy: Yah! ah. Okay. Ha ha ha ha. But you have no idea how lucky you are because HCT is doing a set at our halloween party. Stanley: Ugh. I don't want to sit through a whole concert of that. Clark: I do. I love the boss's interests. Andy: Atta boy Clark! Meredith: Where you boys stayin? How does it work in the rooms? Do you get a privacy partition? Andy: No. Nope. Nope nope nope. Stay away. Andy: You know what I just realized? They might actually call me up to solo on George Michael's Faith. That was one of my signature songs. Oh, man. That would be insane. I'm so not prepared. Jim: Are you sure you're okay with me putting in this much money. Pam: Yeah. I mean, listen if we're gonna do this thing, we should do it right. Jim: You're the best. Pam: I kind of am. It's crazy. Jim: Okay. I'll see you in a little bit. Pam: Okay. Dwight: Jim. Look I'm eating you. Jim: Shut up. Dwight: Ha ha. Hey Erin, look, these are Nerds. I'm eating Jims. Erin: [laughs] Dwight: [laughing] Must eat more Jims. Oink oink oink oink. Erin: [laughing hysterically] Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Dwight: Oh no, I'm spilling Jim all over the carpet. [laughing] Erin: Stop it stop it stop it stop it! Dwight: [picking up spilled candy] Hello little pill. What do you do? Dwight: Dumatril is licensed to treat anxiety symptoms, such as panic attcks, excessive worrying, and fear. Translation: There's a madman in our midst. Pam: Okay I give up. What are you? Nellie: I'm sexy Toby. Pam: [laughing] Gross. I love it. Dwight: Dumatril! Nellie: Something wrong Dwight? Dwight: Dumatril. Nellie: Yes? Dwight: This is a pill that I found here in the office. But it's not for worms or eczema like any normal pill. It's not for any disorder of the body. [whispering] It's for a disorder of the mind. Nellie: The mind is part of the body. Dwight: Okay, this is a pill that combats insanity, okay? Whoever is taking it is not only insane... [whispering] They are now off their meds. Nellie: Dwight, our co-workers' health issues are really none of our business so- Dwight: Why are you trying so hard to bury this thing, huh? What's going on Nellie? Talk to me. Nellie: Hm? Nellie: It's my pill. I have an anxiety issue and I'm not ashamed of that, But I'm not loving the idea of Dwight having that information. I once saw him yell at Phyllis for sneezing wrong. Nellie: Yeah, you're right. This man needs to be apprehended. Dwight: I'll get my apprehension kit. Andy: Ruh duh duh da dudes! What's up? HCT: [mumbled responses] Andy: I know that it's pathetic to re-live your college years, but cut me some slack, Okay? Because I was a freaking rock star in college. When I joined Here Comes Treble, that's when I became somebody. When I got the nickname "Boner Champ," that is when I became me. Andy: You didn't come here to sit in a room, right? You came here for some intergenerational bro time. Well, now's your chance! I'm here. You got Qs; I got As. HCT Member #1: Did you say you've got AIDS? Andy: No, I don't have AIDS. That's not what I said. Next question. [awkward silence] Andy: You don't have any-- Any questions about the old days? [clears throat] You at least want to know why they call me Boner Champ? HCT Member #2: I thought Broccoli Rob was the Boner Champ. Andy: I'm sorry, what? HCT Member #2: I just thought Broccoli Rob was the Boner Champ. Andy: Broccoli Rob was Broccoli Rob. Andy Bernard is the Boner Champ. Pete: I didn't realize that everybody here dresses up every year. Creed: Me neither. Creed: It's Halloween. That is really, really good timing. Andy: I was just talking to some of the actives, and they think that you're Boner Champ. Broccoli Rob: [on computer monitor] I'm so sorry! I don't know how that could have happened. Andy: Did you maybe tell them that or...? Broccoli Rob: I just-- I just started yappin' about the old days, and I guess the wine coolers were flowing, and, you know, somehow things just got hinky. Andy: Could you just call them and tell them the truth? 'Cause I know it's really stupid, but it's also really, really, really important. Broccoli Rob: Will do. I love you, Andy. Andy: Love you too. Businessman #1: So the workspace looks awesome. Jim: Wow. Businessman #2: And the graphic designer is going to be sending in some of the logo treatments. I can't wait to see them. Businessman #3: You guys rock. [round of fistbumps] Businessman #1: I klled it. Businessman #2: I've also been running the numbers and between our backers and our own investments, we're looking great for a full year on this. Jim: Oh, uh, is it too late to get in? Businessman #3: Oh Jim, I explained everything. So you're all set. Jim: Oh, I actually talked to my wife and we'd really like to uh you know, invest - get in on the ground floor. Businessman #2: Wow, well what level of investment were you thinking about? Jim: We were thinking somewhere between five - ten thousand? I can do the full ten thousand. We should just - [blows air] - all in. Businessman #3: Welcome aboard! Jim: All right. [laughs] Awesome. Cool. Dwight: Hi Daryl. I'm just here to smear some peanut butter on my forehead. Nellie: You know, to uh, to protect his brain from the nanobots that the government put in the air conditioning. Dwight: That makes sense to you, right? Or does it sound... crazy? Darryl: I can't really picture it. Can you... get it on there. Yeah. And maybe, get the cheeks. Dwight: So this makes sense then. Or is it crazy? Darryl: Get under your chin first. Yeah. Dwight: Is that where the nanobots like to come in? Darryl: Take it all the way up to your lip, yeah. Dwight: Is that how they like to get in? Darryl: Yeah, that's crazy. Dwight: [whispering] I don't know. I just don't know. Andy: Yo! Bad boys of a capella. HCT: [mumbling] Hey. Andy: Heard any good stories lately? Or new twists on old stories? HCT Member #3: Yeah, I got a call from Broccoli Rob. I guess you really are the Boner Champ. Andy: Did he tell you how I got the name? HCT Member #3: No. Andy: Spring sing ‘95. Got completely ripped on Bud Dries. I had sex with a snowman. I just went at that thing. Cold would have stopped most people but I stayed locked in, you know. Took the face off. It just seemed easier that way. Angela: And I told Phyllis not to put it out, but she insisted. So, anyway... Hi! Oh, Oscar, remember my husband, the senator? Oscar: Senator Lipton, nice to see you. Senator Lipton: Nice to see you Oscar. Angela: Wait a second, who designed this spread? The sweets and savories are all mixed together. This is mayhem! Senator Lipton: So Oscar, you're a dinosaur. Oscar: Actually I'm the electoral college. Senator Lipton: Ouch! Right on target. Angela: You know what? This is outrageous. I have to find Phyllis. You two talk, okay? Sorry babe.. Phyllis! Senator Lipton: God, it's just so good to see you. Oscar: I, uh, huh, just [chuckles nervously] Senator Lipton: All having this wonderful Halloween gathering. Excuse me, is that punch? Andy: They didn't know about the snowman story, and when I told ‘em, they were not impressed. Erin: What is with these turkeys? Andy: Right? Erin: Hey! You better do ‘Faith.' You get me? HCT Member #3: We don't know it. Erin: So learn it. You all go to Cornell, you're like eight Rain men. Just learning the friggin' song. HCT Member #3: Look, I know it was big with the old guys, but-- Erin: Buts... are for pooping. Okay? Make it work. You have to or Andy will flip out... And make it a surprise, please. [to Pete] This isn't stupid. Pete: What? Toby: Hey. Dwight: Hey. Nellie: Hey Toby. Toby: Are... are you me? Nellie: Yes. Toby: Oh my goodness, look. Look at this. Nellie: Yeah. I... Toby: [unintelligible mumbling] Nellie: Yes. I thought I'd you know, be you. Toby: Look at.. Look at me. [laughs] Nellie: [laughing] It's funny right? [Toby starts to lean in for a kiss, then runs away] Dwight: All right. All right, just ...stay focused on the pill. Nellie: Okay, look Dwight, let's just call this thing off. I mean, it's just an anxiety pill. Lots of people have anxiety. Dwight: You think I don't have anxiety? I have anxiety all the time. Every waking moment of my life is sheer trture. I have land disputes I've got to settle and idiot cousins to protect. And ne'er- do- well siblings to take care of. But I don't need some stupid pill to get me through all this. Meredith: Cool. Free upper. Dwight: Ah ha! Ha!!! The jig is up, psychopath! Ah yeah! Gotcha! Meredith: Don't dog catch me! Dwight: Gotcha! Yeah! Let's see ya get out of this web, huh? Meredith: Let me out! Nellie: The pill is mine. Dwight: What? Nellie: Get her out. Dwight: Oh. Meredith: Stop baggin' my head! Nellie: Oh Dwight, look, its just a pill, all right? It's for anxiety. I take it every day. And it makes me feel better. And maybe it could help you too. Pam: Hey, how'd it go? Jim: Oh man, it was great. They were great. Pam: Did you end up investing? Jim: I did, yeah. Pam: How much? Jim: Uh, man, by the end I guess it was about... ten... Pam: About ten? Jim: Ten. It was the full ten. Pam: Wow. Jim: Yeah. Pam: Wow. Jim: Yeah. Yeah. It's a good thing we talked about it though, because we had to... Pam: No yeah. Yeah. Jim: Yeah. Pam: So did everybody ... Jim: What is it? Pam: Did everybody end up investing ten thousand? Jim: Um, oh man, I don't actually know. Pam: What? Jim: They weren't really talking that much about money. They just said, We're good with investing and then I...and I... Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, Here Comes Treble! HCT: [vocalizing] Pam: They said they were done with the investing and then you volunteered ten thousand dollars? Jim: No, no, I had to. Look, I needed to look like a team player, Pam. Pam: So you invested ten thousand dollars to look like a team player? Jim: You weren't there. HCT: [singing ‘I'll Be'] Jim: It was very clear that ten thousand was what we had...we should talk about it later. HCT: [singing ‘I'll Be' directly to Pam] Pam: Talk about it now. Jim: Pam. Pam: Jim, that was most of our savings. HCT: [still singing] Clark: Wait! Wait. Hold on. Where's the band? ‘Cause there's just no way you guys are making this magic with just your mouths. Creed: Yeah. That's what she said. Clark: What, am I overdoing it? No. No. HCT: [singing] Pam: We said some. We said ‘some.' Jim: We'll talk about it later. HCT: [singing] Pam: We said part not all. HCT: [singing ‘Car Wash'] Clark: Yes! All right! Andy: Oh Man! [clapping] Clark: That's how you do that! Whoo! HCT: Thank you. Stanley: Show some pride. This is crap. Dwight: I agree. Yes, crap. Continue. HCT Member #3: Now folks, by special request, we're going to take it a little old school. There is a former Trebler in this room. Darryl: Who? HCT Member #3: It's Mr. Andy Bernard! All: [clapping] HCT: [singing ‘Faith'] Andy: No. Do not sing that. Do not... Oh man... HCT Member #3: He reminded us today of how much he means to us. And we certainly seem to mean a lot to him, so without any further ado, here's an old Treble classic. HCT: [singing ‘Faith'] Broccoli Rob: [on flat screen tv] [singing lead of Faith] Andy: Whoa! Whoa! What the hell is Broccoli Rob doing here? HCT Member #3: She said you wanted to hear ‘Faith'. That's Broccoli Rob's signature song. Andy: That's my signature song. HCT Member #3: I really didn't know that man. I just thought you wanted to hear it. Andy: Russell, I'm dressed like George Michael. HCT Member #3: I thought you were Adam Lambert. Andy: Wha...? Erin: The more I hear about all this a capella drama, the more I think it's kind of pathetic. But when you're with someone, you put up with the stuff that makes you lose respect for them, and that is love. Erin: Are you okay? Broccoli Rob: [on screen] He's still mad. Andy: Shut up, Broccoli. Broccoli Rob: Champ, I feel awful about this whole thing. Russell called me up. And they said they needed 20 cc's of George Michael stat. So just... Wham! I sprang into action. You know me. I assumed you wanted to hear me do your signature number. Andy: You thought I wanted to sit in the audience like some slutty Treb rat? A man's signature solo is his for life, okay? That's group policy and you know it. Broccoli Rob: Look, it's not my fault that I still live near campus, and it's my duty as an alum to be friendly to the young guys., and stop in two, three times a week. Andy: Just don't do the song anymore. Broccoli Rob: I tell you what, we'll have a sing-off for it. You pick twelve alums from any year to back you up and I'll do the same, and I'm so confident that I'll win, I won't even warm up. Andy: Fine, go ahead. Thrash your pipes. Broccoli Rob: My pipes are primo, Champ. Why don't you ask Trey Anastasio about my pipes? Andy: I knew you would go there, you son of a bitch! Broccoli Rob: He said, and I quote, ‘Hey Rob, nice pipes'. That happened! Andy: OK, fine, yeah. that's one guy's opinion! Broccoli Rob: That's real. 'That'll never change! Erin: Okay! Andy: Doesn't mean you're the best singer ever. Dick. Jim: I thought that concert was pretty great. Kevin: Oh yeah. I decided that acapelca music is awesome. Angela: They lost me when they sang ‘Monster Mash'. That song obviously glorifies the occult. Jim: Angela, it's Halloween. You have to sing ‘Monster Mash'. Pam: Oh you have to Jim? You literally have to? Jim: Uh... Pam: No I'm just, I'm saying, what would happen if they didn't sing it? Would they go to jail? Would they be sh*t? Jim: Okay. We'll, just forget it. Pam: No! No, I'm interested. I mean I think everybody's interested in why they have to sing it. Jim: Because it is Halloween. So if you're going to sing a concert, it's a good idea to throw that one in. Pam: Yeah, yeah, no, no. It's a good idea to brush your teeth. But you have to um, feed your children. Send them to school. You know, all things you can't do if you just keep singing ‘Monster Mash.' Kevin: It turns out, that Pam? Really, really hates ‘Monster Mash.' I mean like, never bring that song up in front of her. Even though Jim was making great points, like, in favor of the song, Pam was like, No! Hate it! Stupid! Andy: This is all so silly right? What am I gonna do? Move back to Cornell? Erin: [laughing] Yeah. Andy: I mean, what if we did that? Like we got jobs and we were happy all the time? Erin: Oh well, Andy, we're not moving to Cornell. Andy: Duh. I know. That would be insane. Erin: Yeah. Andy: It could totally work though. I don't know why we wouldn't. Oh my god are we doing this? Erin: Oy. Andy, what's going on? Andy: If I am not Boner Champ, I don't know who I am. Erin: Well, um, you know maybe you're the wise old guy that the new uh, B-O-N-E-R champ looks up to. You know, you could just-- Andy: Make a donation. Erin: Well, I was gonna say, be a mentor. Andy: Yes. I am gonna make a donation. And it just so happens that I know someone who works at the Bernard Family Foundation. Her name is mom. Erin: Oh. Dwight:[whispering] I want some of those pills. Nellie: Oh, well good for you. I mean, you'll need a prescription. Dwight: Oh, no. No, no, no. no. They're not for me. They're for my cousin Mose. He's just having a tough time, being wifeless, and a high pressure job and his crazy cousin Mose. Other cousin Mose. Nellie: Mm. Got it. Well, you tell Mose that he's a good man and that I hope he feels better. Dwight: Which one? Mose or the real Mose? Nellie: The real Mose. Dwight: He says Thank you. Andy: [on phone] Mom, I had this really charitable idea to set up this scholarship for a capella kids at Cornell and just need to wire some money over there. [pause] What? [HTC singing Cornell Alma Mater] Erin: What's wrong? Andy: My parents are broke.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x05 - Here Comes Treble"}	foreverdreaming
Oscar: [to camera crew] Can you guys come with me for a minute? Oscar: I know you saw me with the Senator. I think I'm in love, possibly for the first time. So yes, Senator Lipton and I are having an affair. I hope that I can count on your sensitivity, maturity and discretion. [turns to see Kevin has overheard him]...Why? Andy: Alright, good. Yeah. Just sell it and get the best price you can, okay? White: Or we can hope for a holiday rally? Andy: White, I'm not a day trader, I'm just a first responder in a disaster. Pam: Andy's family had a total meltdown. His dad blew through all their money and took off to Argentina with a younger woman. Jim: And his brother, Walt Jr., locked himself in the wine cellar. Pam: The weirdest part is Andy. The aftermath got dumped on him and the way he's been handling it is just..so.. Jim: Competent. Pam: Right? Andy: Are the 'Nard's hurting? Yeah, you bet. Got kicked pretty hard. Family shattered, super sad. But, I'm kinda crushing it in the damage control department. So, that's cool. I wish my dad could see me now. Of course he caused this whole mess, so, [bleep] him. Oscar: Kevin, listen to me. I'm in love with the Senator. And I need time to sort this out in a responsible matter so I need your help in keeping it a secret because this means the world to me. Ok? Kevin: That's beautiful. No, I totally get that. Oscar: Can you do this, Kevin? Kevin: I really want to. Whatever happens, always remember that. Oscar: I don't know what that means. Hey, hey- Pam: [On phone] Oh, great! Yeah, um, I'll get right back to you. [hangs up] Hey guys! Anyone ever heard of Iris Black on the radio? Creed: Yeah, she hosts the Dr. Laura Show. Pam: Nope, that's Dr. Laura. Well, her show Biz Whiz wants someone from Dunder Mifflin to come on the air today. Does anybody feel particularly passionate about local business issues? [Dwight raises hand] Dwight: I do! I do. I do. I do. I do. Dwight: The media can make you famous. And do you have any idea how easy it is to sell something when you're famous? [Pretends to be on phone] "Uh, yeah wow. 10 reams of 40 pound bond at only $690 after discount? Um, whatever you say, Brad Pitt." It's that easy. Meredith: Hey, so that good looking single brother of yours? Heard he's on a downward spiral with booze. Andy: Yeah. He's in rehab actually. Meredith: Which place? The one right near Philly? I could be there in an hour. Andy: No, it's in New Mexico. Meredith: Oh...So..- how are you holding up? Andy: We're done Meredith. Dwight: [wagging tongue for voice exercises] blah blah blah, rat tat tat tittle tattled and prattled on about the little metal bottle, she spat a bit of spittle...[Group protests] Jim: Dwight! Dwight: ...In a bitter battle..Hey, hey! Stop questioning my methods, OK? I was chosen for this task for a very good reason. Jim: No, you chose yourself. Dwight: [walking away] Tricky siskel spat a bit of wicked biscuit.... Andy: Alright, guys. A lot of assets here that my dad couldn't steal. Now, first of all, there is the family boat. 43 foot Tartan Sloop. My lawyer has lined up a buyer in the Bahamas, the sale would cover the cost of a condo and living expenses for my mom. Darryl: Sounds great. Oscar: Perfect. Andy: Totally, except it is a no go. This boat was the heart and soul of the family. So...what else we got? Non-boat ideas. [Oscar looks outside conference room at Kevin and Angela at the copier] Kevin: What happened? Angela: Jammed. This day couldn't get worse. [Kevin laughs] Kevin: Yeah, I think this day could get worse. Angela: What does that mean? Oscar: Kevin! Kevin: [to Angela] I don't know what you're talking about. [Thumbs up Oscar] Erin: She could get like sixty packages of Ramen noodles for five bucks. She could eat for a month. Andy: Alright, what's the grand total? Did we make our nut? Darryl: If we sell everything but the boat, your mom should be set for about six months. Andy: Guys, you don't understand, this boat's been in our family since before I was born. Erin: Don't you guys have that place where you used to spend your summers and have all those memories? Darryl: I worked at a Jiffy Lube. Erin: See? I bet you wouldn't sell that Jiffy Lube for all the money in the world. Would you Darryl? Darryl: I would if I owned it and I went broke. Andy: Alright, uh...alright. I'm gonna tell the lawyer to pull the trigger on the boat. Andy: Yes the boat means everything to my family, but we need the money. Got the memories, don't need the boat. Can't cry about it. What are you gonna do? Cry about it? [chokes up] Excuse me. Pam: [On phone] Oh, OK. No problem. Thanks. Hey guys, WPTU called. The interview's off. They're opening a new cupcake store at the Steamtown Mall and Iris wants to cover that, so... Nellie: Well why don't I go and tell Dwight so he can stop being such a complete nipple. Pam: He's gonna be disappointed. Jim: Yes. He is. And you know what? We cannot let that happen. Pete: Fax? Erin: Oh yeah, just. Watermelon teeth. This isn't how I would cheer up just anyone. But, it's a girlfriend's job to know her man and I know Andy. [laughs] He's seriously juvenile. Pete: Cool. He's like 40 though, right? Erin: Oh no, he couldn't be more than late thirty's. Tops. Pete: Awesome. Have fun. Dwight: Vroom! Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin. Good. Sounds- [phone rings in break room, Dwight picks up] This is Dwight Shrute. Pam: [on other end in conference room] Please hold for Ms. Black. Nellie: [Darryl plays radio show music on keyboard] And welcome back to Biz Whiz. I'm Iris Black. On the line we have Dunder Mifflin's senior sales associate Dwight Shrute. Dwight: Iris, thank you so much for having me. Erin: [muffled by watermelon teeth] Hey! My teeth are all this stuff in my mouth. [laughs] Andy: Uh, did you need something? Erin: Oh, I just need your signature on this. Andy: Ok. [signs paper] thanks. Angela: Kevin, we're out of 11-38 forms. Did you order more? Kevin: I... did not. Angela: I don't know why I'm surprised. Literally nothing you do could surprise me anymore. Kevin: [laughing in Oscar's direction] Oh really, Angela? That's interesting. Cause I do think that I could surprise you. I think that I could surprise you..oh! [Oscar makes sound trying to get him to shut up] I have to go to the bathroom! Angela: That doesn't surprise me. Oscar: That actually wasn't the worst cover. I'd say at least once a week, Kevin runs out of the room shouting that he has to go to the bathroom. Jim: [In staff meeting] See these forms... Kevin: I have to go to the bathroom! [runs out] Kevin: [running from elevator] I have to go to the bathroom! Kevin: [Drives away waving, then screeches to a stop and runs from car] Erin: Ok, who wants to go for a super fun lunch with a super fun girlfriend? Andy: Look, it's not that I don't want- Erin: Ok, come on. I got someone to cover the phones, I heard on the radio about a new cupcake place we could go for dessert...perfect. Andy: All I ever wanted to do was sail the damn thing. But dad wouldn't let me. Said "You can't be a skipper until you're a man." You know, I'd reach for the wheel and he'd smack my hand away. Well guess what? Now I'm the man of the family and... we're selling the damn thing. So I'm never gonna have the chance. Erin: Well, when does the boat leave, exactly? Andy: Tonight. Erin: Then screw lunch. Let's go for a sunset sail. Andy: Yeah right. It's in Stamford, Connecticut. We have to leave like right now. Erin: Ok, well then let's leave like right now. Andy: Yeah, ok. Erin: Yeah! OK! Let's go. Andy: Seriously? Erin: Of course, seriously. Get your coat on. Andy: Alright. Erin: Alright. Andy: Let's do it. Erin: Let's do it! Dwight: [On speakerphone] Iris, let me tell you. David Wallace is the CEO, but he's not hands on. Nellie: [As Iris] So the day-to-day operations are entirely under your command? Dwight: Entirely is the perfect way to describe it, Iris. Nellie: Uh, excuse me. [reading card held up by Jim] I'm being told by my sound engineer, Steve that uh there is a clinking sound coming from your end. Does your shirt have buttons? Dwight: Yes..? Nellie: [Jim mimes taking shirt off] I'm so sorry we're going to have to ask you to remove the shirt all together. Dwight: [Takes shirt off] Now then, we were saying. When my workers-gather- Nellie: Oh, I'm so sorry. I am told we are still having problems Mr. Shrute. [Jim holds up card that says "Now Pants"] Your voice, it's sounding a little feminine. Dwight: That's impossible. Nellie: Are you by any chance wearing pants with a metallic zipper? Angela: The Senator is exhausted. This campaign is wearing him out. Oscar: That's a tough one. Angela: That man he's up against is so dirty. And the senator's just pushing back as hard as he can. Kevin: Please, stop. Angela: What? Kevin: Please, stop. Angela: Anyways, last night he was tired and just wanted a little Mexican brought in. [Kevin laughs] Kevin: [Getting up to leave] I can't, it's too much! [laughing] Oscar: I'm in big trouble. Kevin: Yeah, Oscar's in big trouble. Dwight: [pantless] OK, how is my voice now? Nellie: I'm getting the all clear from Steve, so Mr. Shrute, what is your response to the consumer product safety commission that says Dunder Mifflin paper is toxic? Dwight: [holding hand over phone] This is gotcha journalism. You know what? They're not gonna gotch me. Oscar: [looking at folder he brought Toby]It's clearly not an accounting mistake. Toby: Yeah. Oscar: So... Toby: Kevin. His gambling problem must've resurfaced. I'm gonna have to send him home until I can do an investigation. Oscar: Well, you've gotta do what you've gotta do. Dwight: This is slander, Ms. Black. Slander I say! [Pam tells Jim to leave the conference room] I dare you to produce one credible source about this. Nellie: Well, as it happens we have with us the foreman of your upstate New York paper mill, Sandra Mc...Sandra Mick [points to Pam] Pam: [changing voice] Good afternoon Iris, it's a pleasure. Nellie: Let's get straight to the point. Is your paper toxic? Pam: No the paper's not toxic. Dwight: Thank you Sandra! Pam: Unless it's exposed to oxygen. Then it becomes extremely toxic! Dwight: Do not listen to her! This employee is obviously disgruntled! [Jim runs panicked into break room] Jim: What the heck is going on?! The stock prices are plummeting! Are you gonna take control of the message or do I have to send in someone who understands the media?! Dwight: Get out of here moron! [Jim leaves] Nellie: Excuse me, Mr. Dwight, who are you talking to? Dwight: uhhhh....no one. Nellie: Did you just call Ms. Mick a moron? Dwight: No, everything's fine. Nellie: Are you insulting my guests? Dwight: [chokes up] Kevin: [on phone] Yeah, I will be right there. Hey Oscar, what if I'm getting a promotion? Oscar: I hope that's it, Kevin. Kevin: Me too. Cause then, I would get my own office. And I wouldn't screw up your secret with Angela. I've been really worried about that. Toby: Hi, Kevin. Look, I need to talk to you about- Kevin: Hi. Oscar: Guys? Excuse me. Um, a quick word, please just.. Kevin: Oscar, we're in the middle of talking. Oscar: Oh, you're right I'm so sorry. Snack machine on me. [gives Kevin money] Kevin: Oh that is nice. Classy move. [leaves] Dwight: [yelling in break room] That's what I'm saying! No of course not! Kevin: What are you doing? Oscar: Those figures I gave you? They're false. Toby: How? Oscar: I was mad at Kevin, we had a fight and I acted vindictively. Toby: So you set him up. Oscar: Yes, he's innocent. Toby: I knew it. I knew it from the beginning it was possible. Oscar: What are you talking about? I just did this now. Toby: A few years ago, when I was on the jury of the Scranton Strangler.. Oscar: Sure. Toby: I always thought he might have been set up but I felt pressured to convict. Oscar: That's gotta be tough. Toby: Tough? I put an innocent man on death row. Nellie: The fallout from this morning's revelation continues to mount, since Mr. Dwight Shrute began speaking, Dunder Mifflin share prices fell 73%. Mr. Shrute, shareholders demand accountability from corporate leadership. Can we announce your resignation at this time? Dwight: My resignation? What are you talking about? No! I was just following orders! Listen, the person responsible for this catastrophe is the CEO and chairman, David Wallace! Erin: That's yours? Andy: That's the family boat! Erin: Oh my gosh, Andy! This is enormous! Andy: Right? Erin: I thought it was gonna be tiny. Oh my gosh it's beautiful. So this is how your family came to America. Boat Guy: Move. Andy: Sorry? Boat Guy: Trying to rig a boat here. I don't know how to do that when you're standing in the way. Andy: Sure, I um..I didn't know. Boat Guy: I'm not a ghost, so I can't walk through people. Andy: Ok. Erin: Gee, he was salty. Andy: Geez, a little bit. [to boat] How you doing old buddy? Missed you. Erin: What does that one do? Andy: It raises the main sail. That was my job when we went sailing. Erin: I wish I had seen you do it. Andy: Really? Erin: Yeah. Andy: [Begins raising sail] Up she goes! Boat Guy: Don't do that. Don't do that. Andy: Oh, it's OK. My girlfriend and I were actually gonna take her for a little spin and a picnic before you guys head out tonight. You know what? Get some dinner on me. Boat Guy: Nope. Can't do that. Andy: You got it. You know what then, we'll just take it for a quick little spin around the harbor. [begins raising sail, boat guy slaps his hand] Boat Guy: We've already started boarding. And no one is insured to rig her up right now except us. Andy: You know what? Chill, ok? I own the boat. Not gonna sue myself. Alright, so just- [Raises sail, guys slaps hand again] wow. Boat Guy: I can smack you all day if you keep touching what you're not supposed to touch. Andy: Ok, fine. Boat Guy: OK. Andy: Yeah, fine. Boat Guy: Good stuff. Andy: Good stuff. Nice stuff. [begins raising sail again when guy leaves, but he comes back and smacks Andy's hand again] [bleep] Damn it! Screw you dad! ..ah. Erin: Well, we're doing it. We're finally having a picnic on the boat. Andy: I've had a thousand picnics on this boat. The point was for me to sail it. Erin: Andy, you never had to sail the boat to be a man. Andy: Fine. But I could have. Erin: As long as we're on this boat, as far as I'm concerned, you're the captain. Andy: I am the captain. Erin: Yeah. Andy: Right? Erin: Yeah. Andy: I'm the captain. [to boat guy] Hey, charm school. Boat Guy: What? Andy: I'm taking it over from here. Erin: Nice! Boat Guy: I hate to uh, ruin this moment...or breakdown, but you already signed the papers. So, if you want your boat back, you can pick it up there in the Bahamas in 10 days. Andy: Yeah, I know cause I'm sailing it there. Boat Guy: OK, no. I already said, you're not getting back your deposit. Andy: Fine. Good. Keep it. Just leave the supplies, I paid for those. But how much for that cool fisherman sweater? Nellie: For those just joining us, terror in Greenwich. Where police have surrounded the house of Dunder Mifflin CEO David Wallace. Wallace is said to be despondent over the company's stock plummet and is taking a mailman hostage. On the line, we have chief of Greenwich Police, Mr. Bill Jackson [points to Jim]. Jim: [using black voice] Good afternoon! [Darryl smacks his arm] Dwight: Please sir! Spare him. Please. Jim: Uh, this Wallace guy is lookin' at hard time. And we only know this because of what Dwight Snoot said on record! Dwight: Ok, everyone. Everyone, hold on! I've got a solution. I know Wallace's phone number, everyone hold, I'll conference him in. Nellie: Oh, Mr. Shrute, there's really no need to, um involve Mr... Wallace. Erin: Do you even know what you're doing? Andy: Yeah. Yeah I know how to hoist the mail sail, I know to...I, I, these buttons control boat pumps and stuff. I also know where the booze stash is. So, hello. [Opens door, Andy's brother is passed out inside] Walt? Walt Jr.: Oh god, thank goodness you're here. I was having a little trouble with this door. Yesterday. I um, I think it was yesterday. Andy: I thought you were in rehab. Walt Jr.: Yeah, uh, I just, I figured I'd get that first relapse out of the way. God, what's happened to our family? Everything is so messed up! How did you even know I was in here? Andy: I didn't. I, I just came to say goodbye to the boat. But I've decided to sail it to Bermuda. Erin: Bahamas, Andy. Andy: Same thing. [To Walt] Come on. I need a crew. You should be my crew. Three weeks, open ocean, no booze. You need this. I need it, we need this. Serious bro time, come on. David Wallace: [On phone] Hello? Dwight: David, is that you? David Wallace: Dwight? Dwight: Oh, thank god. Oh, thank god. Are you ok? Is everyone ok? David Wallace: Yeah? Are you ok? Dwight: Oh, I'm OK. I just want you to know that I believe in you. I really do. And I believe in your ability to make the right choices. I always have, David. David Wallace: Well, thanks Dwight. Dwight: You're welcome, sir. But David, listen to me carefully. I'm gonna need you to let the mailman go. Ok? David Wallace: Dwight? Dwight: Walk out of the house... David Wallace: What? Dwight: ...with your hands on top of your head, everything is going to be fine. Dunder Mifflin will be in good hands while you're away in prison. David Wallace: Ok, Dwight, gonna ask you to not call my cell anymore. Gotta go. Dwight: [enters main office, group claps] Wait a minute, you guys? You heard? All: Shrute! Shrute! Shrute!Shrute! Shrute! Shrute! Shrute! Shrute! Dwight: [joins in] Shrute! Shrute! Dwight: Overall, I'd say my first radio interview went pretty much the way I expected. Kevin: Well Oscar, I did not get the promotion. He just wanted to update my personal information. Oscar: Well, I am sorry Kevin. Angela: Why on earth would you think you were getting a promotion? Kevin: You know what Angela? I- Oh my god. [Senator enters] Angela: Honey! What are you doing here? Senator Liptop: I just had a little intuition that someone I loved needed a little bit of attention today. Oscar, you're looking very healthy. Getting lots of vigorous exercise? [touches Oscar's shoulder. Oscar jumps away quickly] Oscar: No. Angela: Oscar? What is going on? What was that? Senator Liptop: What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't mean any offense. I was just trying to be friendly. Oscar: You know what? I'm sorry. I overreacted. Because I'm stressed out. Why am I stressed out? Who's not stressed out? Who's not stressed out? Who- Kevin: Come on Oscar, we're not just gonna sit here and ignore the obvious. Senator Lipton has a big election next week. We all need to give him our support. [claps, group joins] Senator Liptop: Well, thanks everybody. Kevin: It is really cool! U-S-A! U-S-A! Oscar: U..s..a. U- Oscar: I have to say I'm impressed with Kevin. Uh, he showed a lot of self-control. Kevin: I totally forgot about the affair for a minute. [laughs] Oscar is having sex with the senator and Angela doesn't even know. [laughing still] Her life is a complete sham! Andy: Alright guys, cast us off. Walt, all aboard! Erin, this is because of you. Do you realize that? You're the best ever! Erin: [Standing on dock] Oh, you know. Just being a good girlfriend. Andy: [pulling away from dock] Good? Come on. Above and beyond. World's Greatest. You did this! Dammit I'm happy! Erin: Yes, I am very pleased I did help Andy. Would I have gone with him if he'd asked me? On his sailboat cruise to the Caribbean? Yes. I think it would have been really fun and romantic. Andy: [waving from boat] I'll see you in three weeks! Erin: OK! Walt Jr.: Hey bro! It was here all along. [holding guitar] Andy: No way! Walt Jr.: Way! Andy: Erin I gotta go![Walt begins playing] Them's my chords! Pete: Hey. She's back. Erin: Thanks for covering the phones. Pete: Yeah, no problem. How was it? Erin: Fine. Pete: Hey, some buddies of mine are going to Poor Richard's for beers and pool, you wanna come? I can't promise you too much, but uh, you might get to meet my friend flipper. Erin: Does he have a flipper? Pete: Oh. Nope. It's not that, he uh, uh he flipped a table one time when he was drunk. Erin: He sounds like an idiot. Pete: Yeah, he is. Erin: Ok. Pete: Ok. Erin: Thanks. Pete: Yeah.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x06 - The Boat"}	foreverdreaming
Andy: [on computer screen] Ah, what else? I've seen Dirty Dancing like, ten times. Breaks my heart every time, you know? Everyone: Whoa! Pam: Andy. Andy: That Swayze sure can dance dirty. Phyllis: Don't you have any sunblock? Andy: No, Walter J has been hoarding it. You want to worry about a part of my body, worry about my eyes. They're like two flaming meatballs in my skull. Erin: Last week Andy set sail for the Bahamas to sell his family's boat, and he took his brother, but not me. I was kind of sad at first, but then I remembered that Bob Marley song -- No, woman. No cry. Andy: [on computer] Check this out. Keeps my hair out of my stare, also helps me combat the glare bear. That's what I call the sun now. Darryl: Andy, it's Darryl. Take your drawers off your head. Andy: What else can I show you? Oh, damn it! Erin: Oh, Andy, was.. was that your drinking water? Andy: Yeah, it was. That's okay though. I got this cool desalinator device. It sucks up sea water through this hose and pumps out fresh water. See, check it out. Ow! Everyone: Oh! Andy: Ah! That's not good. I better sign off. I hate to get going. I mean these skype sessions are, like, the only thing that keep me sane out here, you know? [laughs crazily] Darryl: He's been sailing for two days. Andy: [on computer] I will leave you with this. The image of a man and his boat. Burn this into your brains. Erin: [laughing] Yeah. Andy: No. No! Nooo! [computer falls into ocean] Erin: Andy? Andy! Andy! Andy. Oh. Dwight: [answering phone] Dwight Schrute. [turns on speakerphone] Well, hi there David Wallace. Why would you ever call me when the manager is out of town? David: [on speakerphone] Well, I have some very exciting news. Dwight: And you didn't call Jim - that seems significant. Jim: Hi, David. David: Jim, good! You should hear this too. Dwight: No, he shouldn't. Jim: [taking away Dwight's handset] Go ahead David, I'm listening. Dwight: Okay, David, I want to take you off speaker but... I don't know where I'd put you. David: Guys, listen, this is big news. The Scranton White Pages just got in contact with my office the day before yesterday. They've apparently just dropped the supplier they've been with for the last ten years. . Dwight: The White Pages. Dwight: The White Pages: Do you want it? No. Do you use it? No. Does it inexplicably show up on your doorstep three times a year? Yes, yes, and yes. There's a reason that we in the paper industry call this thing "the White Whale". Look at all that sweet blubber. David: Look, we need our top salesman running point on this and Dwight, that is you. Dwight: I'm gonna need to put you on hold for a second. [presses hold button] Hah! Yah! Woooo! Eat it Jim! Eat it Phyllis! Eat... where's Stanley? Erin: He's in the bathroom. Dwight: Will you run into the bathroom and tell him to eat it? Erin: Of course. Dwight: Yeah! Okay. [presses button again] Hey David, I'm back. Erin: [from the kitchen] Eat it Stanley! Dwight: So uh, last I remember Tom Peterman was in charge of that account? David: No, I spoke with the receptionist over there. It's someone new but she didn't catch her name. Dwight: Her name? Phyllis: No, hey, Dwight shouldn't... Dwight: Shhh! [clears throat] Thanks David! Thank you so much for calling me! David: Good luck! Dwight: Good luck to you. [disconnects call] Phyllis: Dwight, you can't go. You have a problem with women. You can't sell to them. Dwight: That is a damnable lie. I love women. Phyllis: Gina Rogers at Apex Technology said you called her ‘gy-na' for your entire meeting. Nellie: Ew. That's not good. Phyllis: Yeah, she said she corrected him five times. Dwight: ‘Gy-na' said that? Phyllis: Guys, we can't let Dwight blow this. An account this size could double our growth. That means raises, bonuses... Pizza Friday could come back. Meredith: Hey remember that week in the 90's when we got bagels? Creed: I miss Clinton. Pam: Can you go instead? Jim: I can't. I have the thing. Jim: I have this conference call today with this company in Philly that I'm helping start. Ah, first board meeting. Also, the first time I've ever been excited about work. So, that feels... wrong. Pete: Okay, call down. It's just me, not Tom Selleck. Guys in breakroom: [laughter] Kevin: Nice! Pete: Toby got us all to participate in Movember. It's a charity for prostate cancer. You pledge money and then you grow a mustache for the month of November. Clark: So, this is how we look now. I hope you like being turned on all the time. Darryl: Daaaaamn! It just keeps on coming, huh? Toby: I have very fertile hair glands. Toby: I am so glad I got all of the dudes to do Movember. We have the dopest time back in the annex. Clark: God! Toby: We even go to lunch, pick up babes. Toby: [to passing female pedestrian] Smile if you love men's prostates. Angela: Hi. Oscar: Hi. Angela: Spring cleaning? Oscar: More like fall cleaning. [chuckles] Angela: [whispering] I think the senator is having an affair. Oscar: [dropping desk drawer] This doesn't... I'm sorry. Wha... what? Angela: I think the senator is having an affair. Oscar: I literally have nightmares in which what just happened happens. I wake up in a sweat. And then I make Angela's husband spoon me back to bed. Angela: When he comes home in the morning, he has this secret little smile. Oscar: Oh, I'm sure ...that's nothing. Angela: And he's always at the yoga studio. He never misses the noon class - it's Hot Yoga with Blake. Oscar: Angela, Blake's also a guy's name so he... may be spending his afternoons with a guy named Blake. So nothing to worry about. Huh. Blake. Who is Blake? Angela: I don't know. Oscar: I just never heard about the senator and yoga... Angela: Right. Oscar: From you. I'm sure it's probably nothing. But what's with the yoga already? Angela: Right? Oscar: And Blake! All right Angela, calm down! We need to go check this out. Angela: What? Oscar: Angela, I'll go with you. Phyllis: So, uh, show us how you'd normally sell to a female client. Dwight: Okay. With pleasure. Get ready to learn a few new tricks, old dog. Pam: You've got this Schrute. Phyllis: Okay, you just walked into her office and begin. Dwight: Hello. Erin: Hello. Dwight: May I please speak to your boss? Phyllis: No, she is the boss. Erin: I am? Hmm.. [deep voice] Hi, I'm Mr. Hannon. How can I help you? Dwight: Okay, this isn't working for me, ‘cause no one would ever believe that she would be a boss. Erin: He's absolutely right. I'm really struggling. Pam: Oh, I'll be the buyer. Dwight: [sighing] Pam: Hello, Mr. Schrute, nice to see you. Please have a seat. Dwight: I never sit down during sales meetings. I want to appear aggressive and imposing. I am going to sell to you in twelve minutes Phyllis: No actually, she likes to take her time discussing her needs. Dwight: I will tell her what her needs are and then fill them. So this is going to work out best for you if you just relax and do nothing. And once I'm finished, it's over. Pam: Okay, let's stop here. Anyone have any thoughts? Dwight: I thought it went great. Nellie: I have uh, written down a few questions. One, have you ever klled a woman? Two, how many women have you klled? Please, sir, will you not kll me? Business partner: [on phone] Okay lets get started. Jim: Yeah, I'm here. Are we all on? Business partner: Uh,, well you're the only one ‘on' - we're all here. Jim: [nervous laughter] Right. Okay, uh, over the next three months... Kevin: That's the winter season., three months. Jim: I uh, I have some ideas, actually... Business partner: Are you at your office right now? Jim: [hushed voice] Uh yeah. Trust me, I'd rather be with you guys. Business partner: [laughing] Uh, yeah, that sounded kinda spooky-sexy, over here Halpert. Jim: Oh, [clearing throat, deeper voice] Sorry, I uh... was just saying that we should uh... Business partner: Whoa. [laughing] I think there's been a bit of a mistake. We're trying to reach Jim Halpert, not Batman. Jim: [laughing] Um, you know what? I.. should have just had... I should have just had you call me on my cell. Business partner: Uh, yeah... Jim: I'm gonna try a different spot. Okay? Business partner: Okay, yeah. Jim: Okay, I'll call you right back. Kevin: What's happening in three months? Pam: Okay, when you're selling to women, it is crucial that you listen, Dwight. Also you want to respect their... Are you listening now? Dwight: Yes. Pam: Okay, well you have to show us. Dwight: That's impossible. Listening happens in the ear and in the brain. I mean, some organisms have external hairs that vibrate to indicate auditory stimulation but unfortunately, our external hairs don't vibrate at all. Pam: Huh. [nodding] Uh huh. Dwight: What are you doing? Pam: A little smile and a nod shows that I hear you. Got it? Dwight: Kind of. Pam: Nellie, why don't you tell Dwight what we were doing earlier today. And Dwight, you show us that you're listening. Nellie: Well, we were in the warehouse, where we were discussing a mural that I've commissioned Pam to paint there. We were talking color schemes and the major themes we want to ht. Children of the world, coming together, cutting down trees to make paper. But not in a child labor-y way. Erin: It's just up and down, just a regular nod, like a person. Dwight: I am a person. Erin: Yes. Nellie: And then we thought we'd ... I can't. I just can't carry on with that face. Look at it. I'm gonna get nightmares with that face. I mean he looks like he's laboring over a stool having just eaten human flesh. Dwight: That's a bit extreme. Nellie: No, I'm sorry but that is true. Meredith: He's screwed. They're meeting in less than an hour. Phyllis: Oh, all right. God, Dwight, just ignore every instinct you have. It's all garbage okay? You're the woman, I'm the salesman, watch what I do and try to learn. Dwight: Okay, I'm a woman. [high voice] I'm a woman. Good? Phyllis: Ms. Thomas, so good to see you. Dwight: Hello. Phyllis: Oh, are those your kids? They're so cute! They could be models. Dwight: Thank you. I'm so proud of them. I carried each one of them for nine months inside of my torso and then pushed them out of my vagina. Meredith: Booo! Weird. Nellie: No. Phyllis: Okay, yeah. This is a lost cause. It's hopeless. Pam: Ten years ago, I didn't care if Dwight got married or died a beet-farming bachelor. But having kids makes you so soft. I used to watch Pulp Fiction and laugh, and now I'm like, that poor gimp is somebody's child. Pam: You know, I think there could be a lot of benefits if you could learn to get along with women. Dwight: Look, I have no problem with women. It's businesswomen and their, their power suits and their shoulder pads. Don't lie about your shoulders! Pam: Dwight, listen to me. Businesswomen are just normal, nice, reasonable people. Who is a nice, reasonable person in your experience? Dwight: I had a barber once who used to comb my hair gently. Pam: Okay, so, when you're selling to this woman, just imagine that she's that nice, reasonable barber. Dwight: Okay, I can do that. Pam: Mm-hmm. Good. Baby steps. Dwight: He used to fight dogs. Pam: Like, he used to make dogs fight? Or he actually fought dogs? Dwight: Little of this, little of that. Angela: Which one is the instructor? There all fatties. Oscar: Angela! [whispering] Angela. There. Angela: Where? Oscar: [whispering] On the stairs. Stay calm. Stay down. Oh, so wait. Blake is a her. Angela: Oh my God! She's so stunningly tiny! She's like a petite double zero, for sure. For sure! Holy cow! Look at what they're doing. Oscar: She's repositioning his hips for downward facing dog. Angela: [gasps] I've heard of this - dog style. Oh wait. Oh look Oscar, Thumbelina has a boyfriend! And he has a ponytail - ew. I'd like to see that run for office. Oscar, you were right. I had nothing to be worried about. Thank you. Let's go. Oscar: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Angela: Ow. Oscar: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Shut up, hold on. Shh. Hold on. Sorry. Look. Pete: [sound effect of throwing ball] Toby: This is fun. You know? I mean, this is fun. Jim: What I was saying is the genius of Air Jordan was not in the market saturation, it was in -- Business partner: [on phone] It was in what? Jim, we're having a lot of trouble hearing you. Jim: The... the... the... what I was saying is the real genius was...[car alarm blaring] was in the... Hank: Hey! Are those skateboarders back? Business partner: [on phone] Jim? Jim, are you there? Hank: Where are they? Jim: It was, uh in the authentic design, right? So I mean, you really felt like Michael Jordan was wearing these shoes, so ... Meredith: Who was messing with my van? Jim: Nobody! Business partner: [on phone] Jordan wore them for nobody? We're not following you, Halpert. Jim: No, no, no. Hank: This ends now! Secretary: Have a seat. Um, she will be right in. Pam: Oh, great. Oh, I'm sorry. Do you mind telling me her name? I realized we don't have it. Secretary: Uh... um she'll be right in. Pam: Okay, great. Dwight: [to himself] Just a little off the top and then a nice combing. Yeah, just comb it. Pam: Oh my God. It's Jan. Dwight: Oh, dear God in heaven. Pam: Jan used to be one of my superiors, and she is one of the most erratic and terrifying people I have ever met. [scene from Dinner Party, Season 4 and The Job Season 3] Jan: You son of a bitch. You're fring me? Where the hell do you get off? Pam: Jim and I are pretty sure she had an affair with her ex-assistant Hunter. He was 17. But she looks great. If she asks, will you tell her I said that? Pam: Forget everything we taught you. Hey, Jan! It's so great to see you. Jan: Where's Wallace? Pam: What? Jan: I was under the impression that David Wallace would be coming. He bought back Dunder Mifflin, correct? Dwight: Hey. Your daughter could be a bubble bath model. I could just bite her head off. [laughs] Pam: Sorry. Um, David is in Vermont. Did you speak with him? He sent Dwight instead. Jan: Molly! David Wallace is in Vermont. Molly: Oh, my God. Um, I talked to his assistant. And I guess it did get a little confusing ‘cause you said not to tell anyone your name. And then also, those bluetooths are very hard to hear with. I know you love the way they look, but Tom never had us use them... Jan: Molly. I am not Tom. I am Jan. Molly: I'm so sorry Jan. Jan: I thought it would be fun to have a little chat with uh, David Wallace after all these years. Oh, well. What are you doing? Dwight: Listening. Jan: Stop. Dwight: Sorry. Jan: Stop that. Dwight: Okay. Pam: So this was all just a trick. You don't really have any business to give? Jan: No, I do. Pam: But not to us. Jan: Insightful, Pam. Pam: You did good, Dwight. It's okay. I mean, seriously, Jan's not normal. Let's just go. She's not going to sell to us. Dwight: Yes, she is. Now, I may not have any instincts with women, but I have an instinct for sales. You keep her occupied. I'll be right back. Pam: What? Jan: Pam? Pam: Yeah. Jan: I'm a very busy woman, so... Pam: Yeah. Um, do you have any other pictures of Astrid? Jan: Fine. I will show you one... slide show. Pete: Erin, did this call... Erin: Uh! Pete: What? Erin: Sorry, I uh, just saw your face. Pete: Oh, I'm sorry. It's for the thing. Erin: I know. That's great. It just - it makes it look like there's an eyebrow in the middle of your face. Pete: Wow. Erin: A handsome eyebrow, but, um... it makes your mouth look like an eye socket... which isn't bad. Pete: Uh-huh. Erin: But um, you look like a cyclops whose eye... fell out... Which is great. It's such a great cause. Pete: Yeah. Erin: [chuckles] Jan: [audio from slide show, singing] Mommy, you're a princess. Mommy, you're a superstar. Mommy you're the greatest. How can I ever fill your sho-o-o-es? Pam: Wow. Your voice is as lovely as ever. Jan: Aw. Pam: And it is so cute how she signs her name. Jan: [chuckles] Well, that -- that was -- that was me too. Pam: Oh, okay. It's just that's how Cece does it with the backwards ‘E's. Jan: Cece can't spell her name. Pam: Oh, actually she can. Jan: Well, it's not really much of a comparison, is it? I mean, "Cece" is two letters and "Astrid" is... I mean, there's even some adults who -- who -- who can't spell it. Pam: Of course. Jan: Can you spell it? Try to spell it, Pam. Pam: Um... "A"... "X"? I don't -- you got me. Jan: Don't patronize me. Pam: [whispering] I'm so sorry. I hate this. You're better. Angela: [whispering] Okay, we should go now. Let's go. Oscar: [stammering wildly] Just wait. Just a minute. Just watch. [scoffs] Angela: Wait. Why are you... Oh. are you getting your jollies right now? Can't get enough of the show? Your jollies are all on fre -- Oscar: [whispering] Please. It's Robert who's enjoying it. Angela: What? Oscar: This could be the affair that you're scared of. Politicians are wonderful liars. You never know who they really are. [pause] But uh, he's probably not gay. He's straight. He's straight, so... Pam: Mm. Excuse me. Could I get some more water? Jan: No. Dwight: Jan... You thought I had no more cards left to play. Well I've got one. Man-boy! The Ace of Babes. Pam: Oh, my God. Clark: Where's the Quizno's? Dwight: You're the Quizno's. [chuckles] Jan, may I introduce to you your own personal Dunder Mifflin liaison, devoted to servicing this account with total client satisfaction. I sensed that Molly wasn't quite meeting your needs -- nothing like, uh, your old assistant... Hunter. Was that his name? Jan: I -- I -- Dwight: Hmm? Jan: I don't recall. And yes, Molly is crap. Pam: Okay, you do not have to do this. Clark: Do what? Get into sales? That's what I want. Dwight: He's been growing that mustache for weeks. Best he can do... So young. Jan: Will you uh, [clicks tongue] you. Can you turn around for me, please? Dwight you can go. I will call you in a week or so and let you know whether I want your business. Dwight: Very good. Jan: [to Clark] Do you have a valid passport? Jim: Jim Halpert. Colin: [on phone] Hey, it's Colin. Jim: Hey man. I am so sorry about that. Colin: I know. Don't worry about it. Jim: [laughs] Colin: It's just... it's not totally working. Jim: Yeah. No, I know. This whole telecommuting thing -- not ideal. But don't worry. I'll figure it out. Colin: Yeah, well, it's not just not ideal. I mean, with you there, I don't know how we're gonna do this. Jim: Uh, what does -- what does that mean? Angela: Oscar, what is happening here? Why would you say you think the senator might be gay? Oscar: I don't know, Angela. I'm dehydrated. Maybe... You heard me wrong. We should just go. Angela: Look, look, look. Here he comes. Here he comes. What is he doing? Oscar: He's making a phone call. Angela: [ducking under table with Oscar] Oh. Oh. Oscar: [phone vibrates, rings] Pam: Oh, hey, Molly. You should just quit. Molly: Thanks. Okay. Dwight: Oh and uh, Molly... I know it can't be easy working for Jan. Good luck with your feelings. Pam: Dwight, that was really nice. You should ask for her number. Dwight: Oh, I got her number. 415-YCL. Pam: That's a license number? Dwight: That's all you need. And when I have curried favor with her, I will let you know. Pam: Oh. Why me? Dwight: Because you are my friend and you are a woman... And women love gossip. It's like air to you people. Ugh, God. [retching]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x07 - The Whale"}	foreverdreaming
Oscar: Yesterday, Angela may or may not have figured out that I'm having an affair with her husband. So I just have to wait and see. When she comes in, if she's cold and awkward and cruel to me, then great, it's business as usual. Oscar: Good morning. [clears throat] Angela: Oscar... [sighs] can I ask you a question? Oscar: [whispering] Of course, ask me a que-- questions. Angela: Is it cool in here to you? Oscar: [hoarsely] Yes, a little bit. [normal voice] Yes. Angela: I think the thermostat is acting up again. Oscar: It's the stupid thermostat! That thing is a catastrophe. So I'm gonna, um, on your suggestion, get someone to fix it. I'll just go downstairs. Angela: Thank you. Oscar: No, thank you, Angela. Oscar: She doesn't know. I shouldn't be surprised. This is a woman who married a man who is obviously a hm. Basically, she has her head in the sand. In a way I feel sorry for her. I guess the universe rewards true love. Dwight: Well, well, well, it's finally happened. Pam has ceased caring. Pam: These are my painting clothes.I think I'm gonna do it. I am really gonna start painting the warehouse mural today. [Jim applauds] Meredith: Sure you don't want to put another coat of primer on that Pam?Queen of the primer, that one. Jim: You got this, Beesley. Actually, do you want me to come down and help you get started? Pam: Are you avoiding your phone call? Jim: What? Yeah, right. As if. Jim: Today I will be asking David Wallace if I can start working part-time, because the sports marketing company that I started really needs me to be there. Pam: Last week Jim wasn't there, and they named the company Athlead. Jim: I could have prevented that. So I have to talk to Wallace. Pam: Tell them your opening line. Jim: [sighs] Hey David, how would you like a guy who's not here as much, gets paid the same amount of salary, and has bigger fish to fry in Philadelphia? Pam: I think it's good. He likes fishing. Jim: This is gonna be awful. Pete: One of my jobs is to input customer complaints into the computer. And when they're in, I fill out one of these cards. But the information's already on the computer, so....why am I filling out the card? I asked Andy, and he told me to "chillax," and then went away on a big, long boat ride. So here we are. Don't give me a pointless office chore, because I will build a little paper house. Fight the power. Angela: Meet me in the old place, five minutes. I need you. Angela: [upon seeing Dwight naked] Ugh! Dwight: Come on in, the water's fine. Angela: Dwight, it's not that kind of meeting. Put your clothes back on. Dwight: I know. That's not why I'm naked. I always work out without my clothes. [does jumping jacks] Angela: Just put them on! Put on your clothes. I need your help. I need someone who can operate outside of the law. Ugh. Dwight: Oh, I'm sorry, your vigilante privileges ended when you broke up with me. If I'm not in your panties, I don't go vigilantes. Why don't you ask your husband? Angela: My marriage is in danger. I don't know who I can trust. I need someone to be there for me. Dwight: [sighs] All right, what are we talking? Surveillance, wire-tapping? Angela: Something like that. Dwight: Yeah, the less I know, the better. I know just the guy. He was a volunteer sheriff too. Kicked off the force. Angela: Can you arrange a meeting? Dwight: I can try. I'm gonna use SMS text. Angela: Okay. Dwight: Text went through. Angela: Okay. Dwight: All we can do is sit and wait. Angela: Okay. Dwight: [phone vibrates] Oh, look at that. Yeah, he's free anytime. Not a problem. Jim: I mean, I can handle any client issues from Philly. David: [on phone] Yeah, but I really need someone in the office. If there's a crisis -- the more I think about it -- Jim: Oh, you mean handle it in person. Oh, well, Phyllis and Stanley have agree to cover for me while I'm gone. David: They did? Jim: Yep. David: Oh, okay. Well, that is different. In that case, yes-- Maybe this can work. Jim: Oh, great. Stanley: Why should we help you? Jim: Because we're friends. Stanley: When is my birthday? Jim: Unfair. When's my birthday? Stanley: I don't know, because we're not friends. Jim: How about this-- You let me take you to lunch, and I make my case? Stanley: Now we're talkin'. Jim: All right. Phyllis: Yeah. Kevin: Make it go taller. Pete: That's the idea. Kevin: No, not taller this way, taller this way. [gesturing with hands] Pete: Well, I've gotta build a wider base first before I can go higher. Kevin: You're not getting this, Peter. Make it go wider... up! Pete: Will do. Darryl: [entering] What are y'all doing? Kevin: Me and Pete are building a tower. Darryl: Cool. It should be taller though, right? Kevin: Obviously. He's a sweet kid, Darryl. But he's not the sharpest guy in the drawer. Pete: Kevin, I can hear you. Kevin: Huh? Angela: Ow! Dwight! Ow! Dwight: Get in the van. Angela: God! Trevor: Is it safe to talk? Dwight: Well, this documentary crew has been following our every move for the past nine years, but I don't see them so I think we're good. Angela: So what are your credentials? Trevor: I started following people around to get exercise. Turns out, I'm damn good at it. Angela: Do you have a gn? Dwight: [snickers] Does he own a gn? Show her. Trevor: You tell me. Angela: What is this? Trevor: It's the receipt for my gn. Angela: You don't carry it with you? Trevor: Read the receipt. That's a $300 gn. Someone could steal it. Dwight: Do you have any idea how many gn Trevor's had stolen from him? Trevor: Now I keep it in a safe. Dwight: Mm-hmm. Good safe? Trevor: Oh, you tell me. [shows Dwight receipt] Dwight: Wow! Pam: [studying mural wall] I guess if I make a mistake, I can just paint over it with a shrub or something. It's just, I think less of paintings with a lot of shrubs. So, I'm gonna limit myself to one shrub. Hide: You paint wall now? Pam: Yeah. Painting now. I just want to make sure that... Hide: You paint now. Pam: It's probably gonna be a few minutes. So you can just go back to doing whatever you were doing. Hide: I wait. Meredith: Sweet. Erin: Yay! Darryl: That's what I'm talkin' about. Pete: This next card comes to us thanks to Meredith Palmer, who called Eastern Pennsylvania Seminary a, quote ‘sausage factory.' Meredith: Oh OOOH! Everyone: [approving cheers] Meredith: Boom! Darryl: Bang. Kevin: Yep, yep, yep. Pete: All right. Up next we got a whole lotta Creed. Creed: Let's find out what I did. Pete: All right. Dwight: You get half now and half upon completion of said job. Trevor: And that's all off the books? Angela: Obviously. Trevor: Nice. No taxes. Angela: Okay, so everything you need to know about the target is in here. Trevor: So what's the job? Angela: mrder. Trevor: Okay, that's the big one. That's the big "M." Dwight: You can't have someone mrder. Angela: What if they deserved it? Dwight: What did they do to you, Angela? Angela: They're sleeping with my husband. Dwight: Oh, Monkey. Oh, I feel for you. Trevor: This seems a little crazy. Dwight: Yes. Crazy. Thank you. Trevor: But I think I'm up for it. Dwight: No! No! Angela: Thank you. Dwight: Absolutely not. There are a lot of different ways to get revenge. I've had great success by defecating in a paper bag, put it on the porch-- Trevor: That's very effective. I've been on the receiving end of that quite a few times. It's devastating. Angela: No, no, no. It has to be physical. I want this person to suffer. Trevor: What about a knee-capping? Dwight: No! You're not helping, Trevor! Angela: Yes, a knee-capping could work. Dwight: No. Angela! What are you saying? Angela: You said you would be there for me. Dwight: I'm trying, but what you're asking is-- Angela: It's the only thing that will make this right. Dwight: Okay. But it's cruel, because a woman with damaged knees can't scrub worth a damn. Trevor: All right, then it's settled. One knee-capping. Now, the ht goes down at 4:00. Keep in mind, once I leave, there's no turning back. Jim: You know, truth be told, I think all you'll really be doing is accepting calls from my clients while I'm gone. Stanley: We've got all afternoon to talk about that. Waiter: Morning, folks. Stanley: I'll have the surf and turf with a side order of lobster. Waiter: Actually, the surf and turf does come with lob-- Stanley: Not enough lobster. Side order. Phyllis: How much wine do you have? Oscar: I brought you a cookie. Angela: Oh, thanks, Oscar. You're such an angel. Oscar: [talking into phone] I just gave her a cookie, and she called me an angel, so... yeah, we're good. Yeah. [exhales] We dodged a bllet, yes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah-- Well, I gotta go now, but-- Okay, bye. Bye. Pete: There we go. Everyone: [cheers and applause] Pete: Nicely done. Very nicely done. All right, this next one goes to Darryl for pocket dialing a customer while having sex. Nellie: Oooohh... you salty dog. Darryl: Well, yeah, what can I say, a player's gotta play. Pete: There you go. Darryl: Actually, that was the sound of me eating spaghetti. But I'm gonna let them think the other thing. Kevin: Okay, I got this one. Nellie: Oh, be careful! Be careful! Be careful Kevin: No, I got it. Easy does it, everyone. Nobody even take a breath. Everyone: [shouting as tower collapses] Oh no! Kevin! Nellie: What did I just say? What did I just say? Pete: Hey, hey, hey, it's just a mistake. Just a mistake. That's what this tower's all about -- mistakes. Okay, if you're afraid of screwing up, the tower's not for you. Show of hands --- who here has never had a complaint? That's right. Nobody. See that? Nobody. Okay? Let's get back to work, huh? Come on, you in? Kevin: Yeah. Pete: There we go. All right, let's do it. Jim: You know, at the end of the day, it's really only two days. I mean, I'll be back in the office. If you need me for an emergency, call me. I'll be there... Phyllis: You know what? I don't know where the years went. ‘Cause sometimes when I look at my hands, I don't even recognize them. Jim: Tell me about it. Phyllis: Whose hands are these? [holding out her hands to Jim] Theyre not my hands. I don't know. Jim: All right. You know what? Maybe we'll just... We'll go slow. Phyllis: No. Jim... [wine bottle clangs on plate] Pete: All right. Check it out. Everyone: [cheers and applause] Pete: Like a Phoenix from the ashes. Ksshhhh! Kevin: Nice. Pretty soon, we're gonna be at the ceiling. Erin: Whoo! Pete: Can you hand me a card? Erin: Um,. it's empty. Pete: What? Nellie: Oh, come on. We could use a blank card. Everyone: No!! Meredith: That's cheating. Pam: I could get us a complaint. Meredith: You? Little Miss Priss? You wouldn't fart on a butterfly. Pam: No, I wouldn't. I can't even relate to that impulse. But I bet I could get us a customer complaint. I'd like to try. Nellie: Hmm. Yeah. All right! Yea, go, Pam! Pam... Everyone: [chanting] "Pam!" Angela: What? Why did you call me out here? Dwight: The target-- it's Oscar, isn't it? He and the senator are gaying each other. Angela: I don't know what you're talking about. Dwight: Your nostrils tell a different story. They flare like that every time you're engaging in deception. Hello again, naughty nostrils. Angela: Fine! It's Oscar. So what? Dwight: Well I could understand you wanting to get a stranger's knees whacked. But a co-worker-- Dare I say, a friend? Angela: Exactly, a friend. Someone who sits next to you year after year, making chitchat and smiling, and all the while running behind your back and defiling your marriage and seducing your husband. Dwight: I can't even imagine how painful this must be for you. But the first ones to break your marriage vows were you and me. Angela: Well, you might be right. But it's too late now. Dwight: What do you mean? Angela: He's here. Dwight: No! No, no! [groans] Dwight: Oscar? Oscar. Oscar, good. Hey come with me. Oscar: What? Dwight: Come -- come with me. Oscar: What are you doing? Dwight: There are a bunch of construction workers in the warehouse without their trousers, drinking diet sodas. You have got to see this. They're extraordinary. Meredith: Yahtzee. Trevor: Sandwich delivery for Mr. Oscar Martinez. Kevin: I am Oscar Martinez. Angela: No, not him, not him. Outside. Outside. Kevin: Wha-- wh-- Angela: You know, there's doughnuts in the break room. Kevin: Nice! Yeah. Jim: Listen, I was really wondering if maybe we could lock this down before lunch is over. Stanley: Don't be pushy Jim. It's tacky. Jim: All right. Phyllis! Phyllis, that's-- that's decorative. Phyllis: No, there's wine in here. Jim: Still decorative. Stanley: Is it white wine? Jim: No. Phyllis: [to customer] Can you help me? Jim: Don't-- don't-- don't pole people with knives. Phyllis: [groaning while trying to open giant wine bottle] ha ha! Jim: Phyllis! Wow. Stanley: Ooh, bring it over. Phyllis: Got it. Dwight: There's no time to explain. [descending stairs] Okay, actually, there is time to explain. When Angela found out that you seduced her husband, we hired a guy to break your knee caps. Oscar: Oh, my God! What is wrong wiht you? Dwight: What is wrong with you? There are a million gorgeous guys in the Scranton Wilkes-Barre area, and you choose the man who's the father of her child? Oscar: I don't know what you're talking about. Dwight: Oh, don't lie. I'm trying to save those precious knees you're always bragging about. Now, let's get out of here. He could be right behind us. Dwight: Aah! Actually, he's right in front of us. Trevor: Let's get it on. I'm gonna do this. I might-- I might puke, but I'm gonna do this. Dwight: No, Trevor, I am not gonna let you. He's a Dunder-Mifflin man. He's my tribe. Trevor: I'm sorry, Dwight, but for once in my stupid, stupid life, I'm gonna follow through on something, all right? I have masculinity issues-- Stop! No! Oscar: I got it. Dwight: Disarm! Trevor: You don't-- [all three grunting] Dwight: Don't move. And disarm now! [Oscar gets wapon away from others] Trevor: Okay, okay, okay, okay. Dwight: No! No, Oscar. He's a friend. He's a friend. Erin: Okay, the client is Heymont Brake and Tire. They're family-owned, but don't let that take away from your edge! Nellie: Come on, Pam, I know you can fail. I see failure in you. Creed: Remember, you're a scumbag, so you think scummy thoughts. Like this. Pam: [into phone] Hello, this is Pam Halpert. I'm calling from Dunder-Mifflin. Yes, your paper provider. And I just called to say... your mama is so fat, when she wears red, people yell, "Hey, kool-aid." Yeah, your mama's fat. This is Pam Halpert. Pete: Did she buy it? Pam: Basically I couldn't tell, but I think... Nellie: Were they angry? Pam: I-- I thought they were confused at least... Nellie: Okay. [phone rings] Erin: Dunder Mifflin. This is Erin. Yes, you can. Okay. I will make sure that goes on file. [hangs up] Ladies and gentlemen, we just lost a client! Everyone: [cheering] Kevin: Nice. Nice. Creed: You did good. You did good. Pete: See ya later, Heymont. Dwight: No. Trevor: If you chase me, I will run so fast. If you catch me I will bite so hard. Got it? Good-bye, my friend. Oscar: What the hell, Dwight? Dwight: See ya later, Trevor. Oscar: you are incorrigible! Dwight: I just saved your life. You're welcome! Oscar: You hired someone to ht me with a pipe! Angela: You deserved every bit of it! You made my husband gay. Oscar: What-- what I did was wrong, and I have to live with that every day. But your husband is... gay. He was gay when you married him! Angela: No. No. Oscar: Angela, until you face that, you're gonna be confused and angry for all the wrong reasons. But if you want to blame me for the whole thing, go ahead -- I won't stop you. ht me. you have my blessing. h*t me. Angela: Well are you gonna let go of it? Because part of the blame is definitely on you. Oscar: Angela, it's a lead freaking pipe. Angela: God! [kicks Oscar] Oscar: Aah! Angela: You were supposed to be my friend. Oscar: I'm so sorry. Angela-- Dwight: Oscar. Pete: Our crowning complaint card comes to us thanks to Pamela Halpert... Everyone: [cheers and applause] Pete: For insulting a client's recently deceased mother. Nellie: Yes! Pam: I did not know that. Pete: Well, a woman who struggled with obesity all her life. Pam: I'm so sorry. Meredith: Wow. Pete: yeah. That's-- that is terrible. Everyone: [cheers and applause as Pete puts last card on tower] Kevin: You did it. Erin: Yeah! Angela: I feel so stupid. I sit next to him every day. Dwight: You're not stupid. Jazz is stupid. Angela: [crying] Jazz is stupid! I mean, just play the right notes! Dwight: I know. You're gonna be okay, Monkey. Angela: I don't like your friend Trevor. Dwight: I don't like him either. And yet I really like him. Jim: Well, we're here. Perfect. [covers sleeping Phyllis with his jacket] Phyllis: We're gonna cover for you, ya know. Stanley: [chuckles] Jim: Phyllis, what was that?Phyllis are you dreaming, or-- Stanley: [laughing] I did enjoy grinding your beans, son. Phyllis: [laughing] Yeah, we really did peel your grapes. Jim: This is hilarious, but we're gonna stop with all-- Stanley: Shuckin' your peas. Jim: Shuckin' the peas. You should go back to the first part, though. You are gonna cover for me? Stanley: Yeah. Phyllis: Of course we are, Jimmy. We love you guys. Jim: Oh, my God, thank you. [hugging both] Thank you. Pam: If you're an artist, you have to be okay with the idea that you can't please everybody all the time. Hide: You paint very bad-- Pam: Shut up, Hide! I mean, do you think Kevin cares what people think about him-- or Creed or Meredith? Oh my gosh, these are my role models now. You know what? I'm okay with that. Dwight: Where does gayness come from? And how is it transmitted? Toby: That is-- that is a loaded question. Angela: My pastor said it can come from breast feeding. Toby: He said that? Angela: Well, he didn't fight me hard on it. Toby: I-- I don't know if there's truth to-- to, uh, to that. Angela: What is it called when two men intertwine their penises like the snakes on the medic-alert bracelet? Toby: Oh... uh... Angela: Is it called red-vining? Dwight: Is it called red-vining? Toby: I don't... Dwight: We heard it was called red-vining. Angela: People red vine. Dwight: Where are gay mens' vaginas? Toby: They don't have vaginas. Dwight: What? Toby: No. They're just regular men. Dwight: When two gay men have sex, how do they know whose penis will open up to accept the other person's penis? Toby: Uh... wow....	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x08 - The Target"}	foreverdreaming
Jim: [Sighs] I'm having second thoughts about one of the shirts I packed. The blue one with the stripes. Pam: I'm sure it's fine. it's a blue shirt. Jim: Well, yeah, but I'm wondering if it's too blue. Like, am I making a statement with the blueness? Jim: I am leaving early today for Philly, because tomorrow is the first day of my new job. So I figure I'd get in at 5:00, check into a hotel at about 6:00 so I can get a real good night of restless sleep and nervous puking. Dwight: Uh, excuse me. Trying to get work done. Some people don't care about Jim's new sports job in Phila-Whatever. Jim: So you know my job has something to do with sports, but you don't know the end of the word "Philadelphia"? Dwight: Philadelphia. From the greek phila meaning "Love," and adelph, meaning "Adolf." "the city that loves Adolf." Good luck with your new enterprise and don't wear the blue striped shirt. It makes your neck look like an old mop handle. [Pam looks at Jim and nods her head in agreement] Erin: Oh...Hey, guys, the Christmas party is today. Merry Christmas everyone! Angela: No. Nellie: Is It? Erin: I mean, it says "X-Mas party," but I think we all know what that's code for. Kevin: So we're not going to have a Christmas party this year? Angela, how could you do this to us? Angela: Oh, right, like I'm responsible 'cause I'm in charge of the party planning committee. Kevin: Well, you are the one in charge of it. Angela: Don't blame me for something we all forgot. Oscar: Yeah, let's not blame her for something we all forgot. Oscar: I didn't realize how many of Angela's opinions I agreed with, until she tried to have my kneecap shattered for sleeping with her husband. She makes a lot of very sound points. Phyllis: I knew the party was today, but nobody asked me to plan it, so I didn't. Hmm, funny how that works. Meredith: [Scoffs] We're out there sweating our balls off every day, bustin' our balls. We deserve a Christmas party! Nellie: Well, then, why don't we just get some liquor and those mini-Cupcakes? Kevin: Mini-Cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people? Dwight: What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? Drink some gluhwein, enjoy some hasenpfeffer. Enjoy Christmas with saint Nicolas' rural German companion, Belsnickel. Jim: Yes! That, that, that! We're definitely doing that. Are we all in agreement? Kevin: No. Angela: No! Jim: Done, right? Angela: No. Stanley: No. I want Tropical Christmas. Meredith: Topless Christmas. Creed: Tapas swiss miss. Creed: Spanish tapas, and swiss miss hot cocoa--What's so hard to understand? Dwight: Or, who was it that suggested the authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? I think it was someone really popular. Phyllis: We already said no. Angela: No, no, no. Nellie: Too weird. Dwight: [Holds up a picture] This is me and my family celebrating Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas in 1982 on the farm. There's me and my brother Jeb breaking the ceremonial pig rib. He doesn't come back for Christmas anymore. The sepia tint is from an app on my phone. This is the same photo, matrix style. Jim: I'm not understanding the confusion. Am I the only one who wants to try hufflepuffs and schnauzerhosen, and meet this glenpickle guy? Angela: [Blows a weak whistle] Party planning cimmittee, emgergency meeting. Now. Pam: I'm on it. Jim: Right. Pete: I'm just hoping German trrorists don't take over this Christmas party. Make me go all John McClane on their asses. Erin: Wait, German trrorists? That's oddly specific. And I think--I think you mean John McCain. Pete: Die hard reference. Erin: I haven't seen it. Pete: You haven't seen die hard? Erin: Mm-Mmm. Pete: Why haven't you seen die hard? Erin: I don't know, I just haven't. Kevin: Come on, you had to have at least seen some of it. Erin: No. Kevin: "now, i have a machine gn. Ho, ho, ho." Pete: "Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs." Erin: None of this makes any sense to me! Kevin: Oh, yeah, and when he takes the gn off his back, and he's like, "Yippie-Ki-Yay, mother--" Pete: Actually, he doesn't say that there. He says it earlier when he's on the radio with Hans. Kevin: Yes, you are right. Forgive me. Pete: Oh, that's okay, bud. Kevin: Nope. [Kevin walks out the door into the kitchen] Pete: Common mistake. Kevin: No, it's not. Erin: [Points and Pete] Nerd! Do you know every line of the movie? Pete: My brother dared me to memorize it, and I did it, and loved doing it. Erin: Okay, let's hear it. Pete: Hear what? Erin: Die hard. Every line. Go. Pete: "You don't like flying, do you?" Erin: Don't change the subject. Pete: No, that's the-- Erin: Movie is starting. Jim: [In Kitchen] We're thinking of collaborating with Mike Schmidt on some of his charity work. Stanley: I love Philly. Dirty town. Darryl: [Comes up behind Jim and puts his hands on Jim's shoulders] Ah-Ha-Ha! Philly! Exciting stuff, man. Jim: Whoo! Darryl: So you sure you remembered everything for your trip? Jim: Yeah, I think so. Darryl: Think that through for a sec. Darryl: Yeah, Jim's going to philly tomorrow. He said he was gonna take me with him, but that was two months ago. And I haven't heard anything since. I mean, he said that, right? Darryl: What else could you possibly be forgetting? Jim: Uh-- Darryl: Things? People? [Jim chuckles nervously] Toby: You know who's not gonna get to work on some exciting new startup this year? George Howard Skub, a.k.a. the alleged Scranton strangler, because he's in prison [Jim and Daryl walk out of the kitchen] for something he may not have done. Nellie: I'm sorry, the--Uh, the Scranton who? Toby: The Scranton strangler. George Howard Skub. Haven't I told you about the jury I was on a couple years ago? Nellie: [Gasps] Oh, what happened? I mean, if you can talk about it, obviously. Because if you can't, I mean, I understand. [Stanley gets up and leaves] Toby: I--I could--I could talk about it. Stanley: [Pats Nellie on the shoulder as he's walking by her] See you next Christmas. Toby: I could, sure. Have a seat. I would start at the beginning, but I think I need to go farther back. Pam: We're the party planning committee, and we did not get where we are by playing it safe. We got here by being risk takers. And, yeah, Dwight's party is gonna be terrible. Maybe. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's going to be great. And if it's great...I think we all know what that would mean to us. Phyllis: Let's do it! Pam: Yes! Phyllis! Angela: No. I don't want my name attached to this party. Pam: What does that even mean? Where would your name appear? Angela: Please just take my name off of everything. Oscar: Just take her name off of everything. [Party Planning Committee walks out of The Conference Room] Pam: [Clears her throat] The party planning committee, minus Angela, has decided that we're all going to do Dwight's Christmas. Dwight: Yes! Yeah! [High Fives Jim] Yeah! Okay! Yes! It's a Christmas Miracle! [High Fives Pam] Yeah! Whoo-Hoo! Pam: Dwight, there is one rule that you need to take very seriously. Dwight: Uh-huh. Pam: And that is... Dwight: Uh, Oh. Pam: That there are no rules. Dwight: You have never been cooler. Jim: Best Christmas ever. Pam: You're welcome. Jim: Thank you. Dwight: [Plays a trumpet] And Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas has officially gn. Meredith: Ugh. What is this stuff, lava? Dwight: That is gluhwein, otherwise known as glow-wine, also used to sterilize medical instruments. And, interesting factoid, this is the very spoon that guided my soft skull through the birth canal when I was born. Enjoy. Pam: What is it? [Jim lifts the hog maw with a fork] Don't touch it. Dwight: [Comes running up at startles Pam] Somebody's found the hog maw. Pam: Oh! Dwight: What? It's a Pennsylvania Dutch specialty. Hog maw. That's a beauty, isn't it? I don't even want to tell you what it's made of until after you try it. Stanley: Ugh. I'm not eating mystery meat. Dwight: It is stuffed pig stomach. And, after we finish it, we get to break the pig rib. Jim: Can't wait. Meredith: Weird. Where are the sugar cookies? Where's the karaoke machine? Dwight: This is austere, Meredith. This is celebrating Christmas for all of the right reasons. The cookies and toys and sweets are mere distractions. I mean, most people don't even know that a candy cane represents a Shepherd's Crook, which I assure you does not taste like peppermint. It tastes like sheep feces. Oscar: How would anyone even know-- Dwight: Have you ever tasted a Shepherd's Crook? Jim: I don't know. Is it what you expected? Pam: I feel like [Pam look's out the window and camera pans out in The Office]--Dwight is holding a candle and reading a poem. Jim: So happy right now. [Jim and Pam get up and run out into The Office] Dwight: [Speaking German] Wait, what is that I hear? Is someone on the roof? How strange. [Blows out the candle] Excuse me. I have to run to my car to take a dump. Kevin: I wish my car had a bathroom. Pete: "Let Heinrich plant the detonators and Theo prepare the vault. After that--" Erin: [On a computer, checking the script] Eh. That wasn't the line. I'm sorry, Pete. Pete: That is transcribed by some fan. They make mistakes. Erin: I don't know. This looks pretty legit. [Erin's cell phone chimes] Oh, my gosh. I just got an email from Andy. That means they ht land. Erin: [Reading the email from Andy] "What up, shorty? We got in last night, sold the boat, went out, got drunk, saw life of pi, got super depressed and introspective. Gonna hang out here a while. Maybe a couple of weeks. Figure this whole life thing out. Maybe see hobbit. Lates." [Erin walks back to Pete and sits down at the computer] Pete: Hey. Everything okay? Erin: So what comes next? Pete: Right, um, okay. So he says, uh, [Pete stands up] "After we call the police, they'll waste hours trying to negotiate--" Erin: We should just watch the movie. That makes much more sense. Pete: Or we can just sit and talk, though. Erin: No. No more talking. It's movie time. Pete: I mean, are you sure...Um, yeah, I probably have a copy or two in my car. Erin: Oh, great. Great! So we're watching die hard, now. Good! This is a good plan. Pete: Okay. Toby: [To Nellie in the kitchen] Here's the thing about moonlight. It's not sunlight. Kevin: [With his mouth full] I love this hog mama. Phyllis: Dwight said it's "Hog maw." Kevin: [Chokes and spits it out] What is maw?! [Dwight walks in as Belsnickel] Phyllis: It's the lining of the stomach of-- Dwight: [Cackling] Ohh...[In a German Accent] Judgment is nigh, for the belsnickel ist I! Jim: Yes, he is finally nigh. Dwight: I am nigh! Dwight: Every year, my grandfather would dress up as belsnickel at Christmas. He was...okay at it. I am great. You know how they say some people were born to be bad? Well, I was born to be belsnickel. Dwight: Ooh, belsnickel has traveled from distant lands to discover how all the boys and the girls have been behaving this last year. Whoo hoo HOO hoo hoo! [Runs over to Stanley and points at his stomach with a stick] Ohh...Too much strudel. Jim: So he's kind of like santa, except dirty and worse. Dwight: No, much better--No one fears santa the way they fear belsnickel. Jim: Wow! It's my favorite part of Christmas. The authority. Pam: And the fear. Dwight: Yes, exactly! Phyllis: Come on, Dwight, you're making this up. Dwight: No. Oscar: [Reading from his phone] This is a real thing. "Belsnickel is a crotchety, fur-clad gift giver related to other companions of st. Nicholas in the folklore of southwestern Germany." Angela: Huh. Pam: Wow. Dwight: Okay, great. Seriously, you guys? Now you believe in Dwight's traditions, when some democrat looks it up on wikipedia? Oscar: [Continues reading] "His partner, zwarte piet, or black Peter, a slve boy, often portrayed in colorful pantaloons and blackface." Stanley: Uh-Uh. No, Dwight. No. Dwight: Oh, come on. We don't blindly stick to every outmoded aspect of our traditions. Come on, get with the spirit of it, you guys. [Texts warehouse worker, Nate, to forget showing up as zwarte piet] [Nate starts walking towards the door, gets the text, and walks back to his car] [Pete and Erin watching die hard on a computer] Pete: Okay, Karl was actually a ballet dancer in real life. Isn't that crazy? Erin: Mm. [Chuckles] [Daryl drinking the gluhwein in his office, with some alcohol mixed in] Darryl: [Talks drunk angry] Jim, that guy. [Scoffs] You gotta stick to your word! Like when you say something to a buddy, a real buddy...what are you gonna do, lie? To your buddy? [Sighs] It's awful. Dwight: Take a bowl and pass it down. Phyllis: Thank you, Dwight. These are nice. Dwight: No, these are gift bowls. When you recieve a gift, it will go in the bowl, but the bowls must be returned at the end. They're a set. Now, hold your bowls forward. The belsnickel will decide if you are impish or admirable. Jim: Oh, it's like naughty or nice. Dwight: No, impish or admirable. Jim: Quick question--Do you just decide who gets what in the moment, or did you make a list? Dwight: I decided earlier. Jim: Oh, nice. Did you check that list? Dwight: Of course I checked it. Jim: But more than once? 'cause you could have made a mistake. Dwight: I checked it more than once. Jim: Okay, so you made a list, you checked it twice, and now you're gonna find out who's-- Dwight: Impish or admirable. Jim: Damn. Dwight: Phyllis Vance! Cheer or fear? Belsnickel is here! I judge your year as...admirable. [Jim claps] There you are. Phyllis: [Takes here gift out of her bowl] Oh. What are these? Dwight: It's a set of rubber gaskets for canning jars. Phyllis: I'd rather have the bowl. Dwight: You can't have the bowl! Oscar Martinez, cheer or fear? Belsnickel is here! I judge your year [looks over at Angela, then back to Oscar]...as impish! [Smacks Oscar with a stick] [Angela smiles smugly] Oscar: Ow! You ht people with that thing? Dwight: No, I'm carrying around the stick in order to look cool. For the kinder [puts a mouse trap in Pam's bowl] Jim: Ooh. Pam: [Holds the mouse trap up] Mouse trap. [While Dwight is decided on others, he puts canning jars in Angela's bowl, and a twig in Stanley's, then a normal talking head] Dwight: In a head-to-head contest, people prefer belsnickel over santa every time. There aren't as many songs about him, but I attribute that more to rhyming difficulties. My brother and I wrote one once. it was about a fickle pickle salesman who would tickle you for a nickel. [Kevin giggles as Dwight is poking him with a stick for being impish] Jim: Oh, you know what? I gotta go. Dwight: Stop giggling. Pam: Oh, really? Already? Jim: Yeah, it's all right. Dwight: It's a punishment. [Turns to Jim] Hey, where are you going? Jim: I have to go to philly. But this was amazing. Okay. Dwight: But you work tomorrow. Jim: Yeah, I know, I'd just like to settle in and get a good night's sleep. Dwight: But we were gonna break the pig rib. Jim: Ooh. Dwight: Remember? Jim: That's right. Dwight: No matter! Belsnickel cares not about this--off with you! Jim: Perfect. Merry Christmas, everybody. Dwight: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Don't you want to know your present? Jim: You know what? Yeah. Have at it. Dwight: Jim Halpert. Cheer or fear? Belsnickel is here! [Jim holds his hands like a bowl] I judge your year as impish. [Hits Jim with stick] Jim: Ooh! Are you nuts? Dwight: [Hits Jim three more times] I judge you impish! Jim: Ow! Ow! Okay, that is three, and you didn't ht anybody that hard. Dwight: They're not abandoning the party. [ht's Jim again] Jim: Just--Just--Hey! [Dwight hits him again] Jim: [As he's walking out] That's enough, I'm done! Okay? Agh! Dwight: [Hits Jim some more] Impish! [Chases Jim out] Jim: Aah! Ow! Meredith: Belsnickel, I gotta run out early too. [Leans up against the wall as Dwight comes back in] [Everyone groans. And in his office, Daryl continues to drink the gluhwein] Jim: [In the parking lot, holding his side, walking to the taxi, Pam follows] Oh...what was that? Now I'm gonna be all whipped for my first day at work. God. [To taxi driver] One second. Oh... Pam: Well...this is it. Jim: I'm probably never gonna see you again. Pam: Shut up. I'm trying to be serious. Jim: Okay, sorry, sorry. Pam: I can't believe this is actually happening. Jim: Listen, thank you so much for putting that all together. That was the perfect last Christmas party. All right, wish me luck. Pam: Okay. [Jim and Pam hug] Good luck. You're gonna be great. Jim: I'll call you when I get in. Pam: Okay. Jim: All right. Pam: Love you. Jim: Love you. [Jim gets in taxi and it drives away] Pam: What's going on? Dwight: Party's over. You quit on Christmas, Christmas quits on you. [To camera] And guess what, kids. Belsnickel isn't real. It's me, Dwight! [Takes off hat and beard] [Everyone putting up normal Christmas decorations as Phyllis has a talking head] Phyllis: We found some old decorations in the warehouse. Oscar ran to the store for some food and drink, and I dipped into my stash of eggnog. I guess they needed me after all. It's like in it's a wonderful life when Jimmy Stewart realizes that all thos people at the building and loan were just jerks, and he was the real hero. [Kevin dressed up as Santa, helps Angela down from hanging lights] Angela: Kevin. Kevin! Aaah. Stop it! Nellie: Oh, it sounds like the party's starting up out there. Toby: Yeah. So anyway, the entire jury wants me to vote guilty. But then I did a little research of my own, and forget everything you thought you knew about fingerprinting. Darryl: Meredith's a little cute. I'm just realizing. She got, like, a Emma Stone thing. [Daryl comes out of the conference room and starts dancing. Meredith joins him] Darryl: [At Meredtith] Boo! Pam: For what it's worth, I liked your party better. Dwight: Everyone thought the food was gross, and that belsnickel was some darkly erotic freak. Pam: I don't think anyone thought that. Dwight: Jim couldn't even stay till the end of the party. Pam: Well, that didn't have anything to do with you. Dwight: I don't care. Guess how much I care on a scale of one to ten. Pam: Zero. Dwight: Damn It! Darryl: I'm gonna tell Jim to go [Bleep] himself. Erin: Do you think Andy would ever jump off an exploding building tied to a hose for me? Pete: Yeah. Definitely. [Erin starts to cry] Hey, what's--Oh, no, come here. [Starts to put his arm around Erin] Hey, hey. Come on, huh? Erin: [Sliding away from Pete] I'm still Andy's girlfriend. Pete: Oh, yeah, of course. I know. Erin: But you can leave your arm. [Pete puts his arm back around Erin as she slides closer to him] [Back at the party, Angela sits on Kevin's lap, everyone talking and enjoying the party] Pam: Dwight, want me to get you some eggnog? Dwight: No, thanks. I'll just have another dumatril. Jim taught me this really cool way to take it. You crush it into a powder, and you snort it up your butt. Jim: [Walks back into The Office] Yep, I did say that. Pam: Jim! Jim: What's going on? Where's the belsnickel? Pam: Oh--Oh my god! [Pam goes to hug Jim, but Dwight runs and hugs Jim first] Jim: What are you doing? Last time I saw you, you were whipping me out of the building. Dwight: [Holds his finger to Jim's lips] Shh. Let's not speak of that. The Pig Rib! We could totally break the pig rib! I'm gonna dig it out of the trash! [High fives Jim] Pam: What happened? Did you miss your bus? Jim: No. I just missed my wife.[Gives Pam a hug and a kiss] Dwight: [Comes back in, holding up the pig rib] I found it! Jim: And I found out that there's a bus at 5:00 a.m. [All cheering and chanting as Jim and Dwight try and break the pig rib] Dwight: Oh! [Pig rib breaks and Jim wins, and stuff splatters people. Everyone groans] Damn It! Jim got the bigger half. [Jim fist bumps Kevin and holds up the pig rib. Daryl sits in his office] Darryl: [To himself] Back for more, huh? [Gets up and walks towards Jim] Jim: Ooh, nog it. Let me get some nog. [Everyone talking Phyllis pours Jim some eggnog, as Daryl walks in] Thanks, Phyllis. Where's Andy? Darryl: You! Jim: Oh, hey, man. [Daryl walks over to Jim, angrily and stares at Jim] Oh, you know what? Before I forget again, I talked to the guys about hiring you. They're gonna bring you in for an interview. Darryl: [Looking at Jim confused] That's great. Jim: Right? Darryl: Thanks, man. Jim: Hey, of course. Darryl: I shall come by at your convenience. Jim: Thank you, sir. [Tips his glass to Daryl] Darryl: [Claps his hands once, spins around] Whoo! Jim: Go get 'em. Darryl: [Falls backwards onto the food table] Oh! Whoa! [Everyone shouts alarmidly] Dwight: Very impish. [Nellie and Toby back in the kitchen, Nellie looks bored and standing against the fridge. Toby walking around] Toby: Two dimes, seven nickels--Well, okay, no, that doesn't add up. It was one quarter and-- Nellie: Shh. [Puts her finger to Toby's lips] Toby: What? I was just explaining-- Nellie: Shh. Toby: Why wouldn't it-- Nellie: [Put her finger to his lips again] Shh. Toby: But why? Nellie: No...more...talking. Toby: Are you gonna kiss me? Nellie: Yes. [Kisses Toby] [Toby takes his glasses off and him and Nellie go against fridge and start to make out]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x09 - Dwight Christmas"}	foreverdreaming
Kevin: To me, the Sixers are a five seed tops. Jim: I think they're going to the conference finals. Kevin: No. Jim: Bynum, obvious monster and the three point sh*ting, don't even-... [Jim bites his lip] Jim: I bit my lip at lunch today. Darryl: Sucks. Anyway, I just don't see it. The Knicks are tough.The Nets are tough. Kevin: Oh, the Nets are super tough. [Jim in pain from his lip] Jim: Now I have this big bump in my lip that hurts. I hate it. Kevin: The Hawks are terrible. They're always terrible. Jim: Okay, you need to think about it before you come with the... [Jim bites his lip again and pounds on table] Jim: Whatever. It's not a big deal. You know I always tell my three year old, if this is the worst thing that's gonna happen...[Jim bites his lip again] You gotta be kidding me! Ok! Pam! That's it, I'm going home! Erin: Good morning, Meredith. Pam: What? Erin: Oh, sorry, Pam. Yikes. Pam: Jim's been spending a few days a week in Philly and I'm not gonna lie, it's been challenging. Yesterday, things took a turn for the worse. I found out Cece has lice. So I was up all night disinfecting every sheet, towel, toy, item of clothing in the entire house. I'm exhausted. But don't tell Jim. He has a huge meeting today, under a lot of pressure and he's doing it all for the family. Jim: I am meeting Dr. J today, otherwise known as Julius Irving, famed 76er and my own personal hero. But i have to be careful not to rub it in Pam's face because let's be honest, how would I feel if I was at home stuck with the kids while she was go carting with John Stamos. Jim: [talking on phone] You sound tired. Everything ok? Pam: Great. Everything's great. Hey are you nervous about your big meeting? Jim: Uhh, a little bit. It's a lot of pressure, you know, but that's what I signed up for right? Worker: Jim, limo's here. Jim: Uh, you know what, I gotta hop off because my, uh, taxi is here to take me to the meeting. Pam: Oh, call me later! Jim: Ok Pam: Good luck! Jim: Thanks! Pam: Love you. Jim: Love you too. Bye. Val: How you doing? Darryl: Alright. I mean, it's what you want, so... Val: It's how it has to be. Darryl: I know, I know. It's just hard. Darryl: Me and Val were going nowhere and if I'm gonna be working in Philly, I'm gonna need my freedom. So, I convinced Val to breakup with me. Here's how you do it. You say, "What are you gonna do, breakup with me?" Like it's a joke, and then you gain a lot of weight. Darryl: I'll never be sorry, not for a moment of it. Val: Me neither. Come here. [she hugs Darryl, and Darryl smiles behind her back] Pam: Hey Meredith, I need your supplier requests today. Meredith: Jeez H. in the morning. Will you stop your nagging already? No wonder Jim left you. Pam: He didn't leave me. He just went part time. [Meredith scratches her head vigorously] Can you just fill out the form please? Meredith: Yes. Pam: I'm sure she's just confused. People scratch their heads when they're confused. Not always like an ape, the way Meredith just did, but it happens. Meredith: Hurry up already. Erin: [checking Meredith's head] Trust me, I know what I'm doing. Between the foster homes and the orphanage, I had lice 22 times. Erin: Holy wow, that's a big one. Alright, pencils down everyone, we got lice! Angela: Oh God, Meredith, lice? Did you not sign a pledge to shower? Dwight: What? Lice? Oh my god. Lock the doors, we are on full quarantine. Pam: Dwight, relax. It's just lice. Maybe, possibly. Dwight: Just lice Pam? Dwight: Of all of the vermin in God's great green kingdom, lice are the ones I detest the most. My first day of school, I had lice, and no one would play with me. For 15 years, they called me freak and four eyes and sci-fi nerd and girl puncher. All because I had lice when I was 7. Dwight: Make way, nope, inspect me. Erin: Oh, this is the cleanest scalp I've ever seen. You are all clear. Dwight: Should be. I use lice shampoo every morning. [Dwight starts spraying everyone with disinfectant] Pam: Stop that! Angela: Dwight! Erin: Next! Angela: [getting her head checked] Geez Meredith, you know, this is an office not one of your bean bag orgies. Pam: Alright, let's give her a break. We don't know for sure this is Meredith's fault. Oscar: Pam, really? Come on. Meredith: Hey, what do you want? I know who I am. Nobody's taken Meredith Palmer to the opera to meet the queen. Erin: Lice. More lice. [Angela shrieks in disgust] Angela has lice. Angela: Ew! Oh. Erin: [checking Stanley's head] Ooh yabber, lice! Erin: [checking Pam's head] Yikers, lice. Pam: No! How? I'm so clean! Erin: [checking Oscar's head] Oh yeah, big time lice. Oscar: I wash my hands at least six times a day. Toilet seat covers? Yes, thank you, even when I pee. Apparently, none of that is protection enough. Not when it comes to Meredith. Phyllis: What are you wearing? Dwight: It's a Hazmat suit. That stands for hazaderous materials men's suit wearing. If you rent more than four times a year, it just makes sense to buy. Is there anyone else here that is lice free? [Phyllis, Kevin, Darryl. and Nellie raise their hands] Excellent. Do you have your own hazmat suits? Nellie: No. Kevin: No. Dwight: Renters. Ok, I'm gonna need you to gather your belongings, retreat to the warehouse, conduct your business there until the infected have been deloused. Let's get going. I'm gonna stay here and fight. If you don't hear from me by lunch, call me. I might want lunch. Darryl: Alright, we're going down to my warehouse, that means we're playing by my rules. No messing with the baler and be cool in front of me and Val. We just broke up. Phyllis: You got dumped? Darryl: Yeah, she ended things. Nellie: Breakups are the worst. The only thing that got me through mine are large amounts of shepard's pie and Brandy. The singer, not the drink. Kevin: Here man. [Kevin hands Daryll some chocolate] You need that more than me. Darryl: Thanks, man. Kevin: Yeah [kisses Darryl on the cheek] Pam: Guys, I think we should all ease up on Meredith. This has got to be hard for her. Angela: Oh, no no no no no. I have not yet gn to shame. Stanley: That's it. I'm getting my stuff. I'm leaving for the day. Erin: No! Stanley! If you leave now then you'll get it in your car and then you'll get it in your house! [Erin jumps on Stanley's back] Stanley: Get off me! Erin: I'm trying to save you from yourself! Stanley: Alright, I'll stay! There's a pencil broken in my rolls. Pam: Maybe it was Meredith. Maybe she brought in lice that are totally different than the lice that i got from Cece. So let's not jump to the simplest conclusion that she got her lice from me. That is how wars get started. Fine, I'll tell her it was me. Jim: Oh man, that's fresh squeezed. And, uh are all the snacks complimentary? Limo Driver: Yeah, take some home if you want. Jim: Oh no, no, no. That's ok. [Jim shoves some snacks in his pocket as he gets out of limo] Um I'm sorry, is this the conference center? Limo Driver: No, Mr. Irving called. Said he'd rather meet you at his private court. Jim: You gotta be kidding me. Pam: Hey, Meredith I need to tell you something. Meredith: [shaving her own head] Yes, Pam what do you want? Pam: Oh my God, Meredith what are you doing!? Meredith: Baking a cake, what does it look like I'm doing? Getting rid of the lice. Pam: Oh stop! I am so sorry! Meredith: Oh, can you hold that thought? That's my wax. You know, I think these critters migrated from down south. What were you saying? Pam: Nothing. Pam: I am going to tell her, but now is clearly not the time. I will buy her a wig, we'll have a few laughs. There's a right way to do this. Dwight: Scalp leeches, skull vampires, follicle gypsies, hair lawyers. One thing is clear, it's kll or be klled! Erin: No, no. It's more of a nuisance really. It's not that big a deal. So, I collected your hats and your coats... Dwight: To be brned! Erin: To be washed. Angela: What do we do about our heads? Dwight: I'm not gonna lie. Lye! Erin: No, all we need is mayonnaise. Angela: Excuse me? Pam: She's right, it works. I would imagine. Erin: Yes, it helps to suffrocate the little buddies and it's a really healthy alternative to the chemicals found in most lice shampoos. Oscar: I can appreciate that. I also only eat local, organic produce. Meredith: [walks in conference room] Shaboom! How do you like me now!? Angela: Oh. Oscar: Wow. Meredith: Take a picture. It will last longer. Angela: We don't want it to last longer. It's horrible. Creed: Bald people make me sick. Meredith: Yeah, yeah, everybody pile on Meredith. But I'm the only one with the balls to show them lice who's boss. Erin: Ok, nobody panic. If everybody just follows my instructions, then nobody else needs to end up bald. Not that it looks bad, Meredith. It looks...It looks awesome. You look like a baby who suddenly aged 50 years. A cute baby, but something sucked the life force out of it. I'm so sorry. We need mayonnaise! We need it now. Pam: Oh! Uh, uh I'll go. Angela: Okay. Oh, thank you. Oscar: You're a saint, Pam. Pam: No, no, it's not a big deal, please. No. Um, Meredith can I get you something special while I'm at the store, candy, or...or one of those stylish turbans? Meredith: Thanks Pam! I'll take a pack of Nicorette gum and a pack of Kools. Pam: Okay. Dwight: Let's talk pubes, people. Val: Hey, Darryl. Darryl: Oh, hey Val. Nellie: Oh, that was tragic, Oh, that was like a car crash. I couldn't look away. You two clearly still have feelings for each other. Darryl: Yeah. Phyllis: What's gonna make you feel better, big guy? Darryl: When I was a kid, my grandmother used to make me chocolate cake when I wasn't feeling good. She's not around to do that anymore. I'm sorry, I just need a moment to myself just to clear my head. Nellie: Aw, poor Darryl. I can't bear to see him suffer like this. Kevin: I think he needs some hugs, and maybe some chocolate cake. Phyllis: Mmm, this won't help him, it's a muffin, not cake. Nellie: Listen, let's try and get Darryl the one thing in the world he clearly wants and needs the most. Kevin: An Escalade. Nellie: Or what's her name. Phyllis: Val. Nellie: Let's get Darryl Val. Julius Irving: I hope you don't mind me bringing you out here. I can't get my knees under a desk. Jim: Are you kidding me? I can literally scalp tickets to this. Julius: Well, do you think you can sink one from deep? Jim: Listen, I don't mean to intimidate you, but I did play a little high school ball. Julius: Okay. [Jim sht the basket and it goes in] Wow, Halpert's got game. Jim: Alright. [Jim's phone rings] Oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. It's my wife, can I take this? Julius: It's your wife? You better take it. Jim: Right! [Jim laughs as he answers the phone] Hey, what's up? Everything ok? Pam: Oh, no everything's great! Um, I was just calling to see how the meeting went. Jim: It's still happening right now actually, so uh... Pam: He's really making you work for it, huh? Jim: Yes, it is very stressful. You sure everything's okay? Pam: Great. I am klling it over here. [drops mayonnaise on the ground] Jim, I gotta go. Jim: Okay, bye. [Jim turns back to Julius] So sorry about that. Julius: No problem. Hey Jim, what size do you wear, man? I got a pair of japanese Nikes with your name on them. What do you think? Jim: I love it. Erin: [handing out mayonnaise jars] Once it's all over your head, just leavr it there for four hours. That will be enough time for the lice to fall asleep, suffrocate, and then pass away. Dwight: Oh sure, and when you're ready to get serious, come to me to get it done right. [Dwight holds up a pair of scissors] Stanley: Put those away before you hurt yourself. Dwight: [swings the scissors around and puts them into his pocket, putting a hole in his Hazmat suit] Oh God, oh no. No. No. No! No! No! No! No! Erin: Okay, it's easier with a buddy, so everybody pair up. Angela: Oscar, do you want to be my partner? Oscar: Yeah, yeah, sure. I'd love to.. Creed: Hey, uh, mayo buddy, five dollar tip, you unclog my ears. Okay? Erin: Oh, Creed, I'm so sorry. I'm...I'm already partners with Pete, right Pete? Pete: Uh, yeah. We promised each other if we ever got lice, we'd buddy up. Sorry, man. Pam: Hey, Creed, wanna be my buddy? Creed: Oh God. Stuck with the weirdo. Oscar: [Angela is slapping mayo on Oscar's head] Angela. Angela: You don't want bugs. You know? Who knows where those bugs will end up? Meredith: [putting mayo on Stanley's head] You're getting a bargain. I ain't got no hair no more. Pam: [putting mayo on Creed's head] Creed, I'm all done. My turn. Creed: I'm sorry, Pam. It looks a little messy. Pam: Well, wait. Pete: [putting mayo on Erin's head] How's that? Erin: I feel it working. [Erin and Pete playing around with the mayo] Eiffel tower! Val: Can I help you? Phyllis: Well, we don't want to pry but we heard you broke up with Darryl. Val: Yeah, that's true. Phyllis: We think you made a big, big mistake. Kevin: Big mistake. Nellie: Quite enormous. Phyllis: He's a real catch and you should take him back. Val: Ok, thank you. Is that all? Nellie: No. No, that is not all. Let me tell you what real life is like. The men dry up, and the nights get lonely. The only calls on your machine are for collection agencies about that pair of motorcycle boots you never even wore. You stalk your old high school boyfriend online, go to his daughter's soccer games, and make a scene. You buy a diamond ring for yourself, wear it on your right hand, and tell yourself, you're all you need. One day, you're alone, tired. At your feet, a dying bird. But where did it come from? Why did you kll it? Is it because in some strange way it is you? Val: Thank you all for your concern, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, okay? Kevin: So does this mean you're gonna take Darryl back? Val: No. Kevin: Well, then, what do you say to you and me hitting the town? 'Cause I'm free, literally forever. Val: Yeah, Kevin asked me out. I was kinda feeling good about reentering the dating pool, but then Kevin asked me out. Thought I might trade up to a new level of man. Then Kevin asked me out. Pam: [phone rings] Hello? Helene: [on speaker phone] Hi, honey, it's mom. Look, Cece's school just called. She still has lice. Pam: What, no. That can't...I don't... Helene: Now, don't worry, don't worry. I'm on my way to pick her up, but you might have lice too. You know, lice can be tricky. Sometimes lice, like...[Pam hangs up phone] Angela: Oh my God. Meredith: Shave her head. Shave her head! Pam: [everyone yelling at Pam]You guys, I am so sorry! It's just been so chaotic with Jim gone, that... Meredith: Yeah yeah, Princess Fancypants let Jane 12-pack over here take the fall. Dwight: [talking through the loud speaker] She's right Pam. Pam: Is there a volume knob on that thing? Dwight: Yeah there's a volume knob on that thing. Pam: Meredith, I am so sorry. Angela: Well, a lot of good your sorrys are doing her now, Pam. She's a monster. Pam: I meant to say something earlier. I just... Meredith: Just? Just what? Just forgot? Meredith: Who's the one who didn't bring lice into the office? Meredith. Sure I gave everybody pink eye once, and my ex keyed a few of their cars, and yeah I BMed in the shredder on New Years. But I didn't bring the lice in. That was all Pam. Dwight: Attention, people of the office. You have exactly 60 secondes to evacutate the bull pen. At that time, I will be tossing this powerful insecticidal grenade, which contains piperonyl butoxide, as well as...[Dwight drops the grenade and it goes off inside Andy's office] Erin: Dwight, are you okay!? Dwight: Whoa. Hypertoxide has a mild hallucigenic effect, but I don't think it's kicked in yet. I'm gonna count down from ten. Nine, yellow, cold, sad, purple. [Dwight collapses] Erin: Wow. He got to purple. Oscar: [Angela rinsing Oscar's hair, and she bumps his head] Ow! Angela: Sorry. Oscar: You're waterboarding me! Angela: Oops. Kevin: [shoving large amounts of bubble wrap into the baler, as a warehouse worker passes] No, this is fine. We are allowed to do this. This is okay. Erin: You're up. Pete: Yeah, I'm kinda sad to see this baby go. Erin: You do kinda look like Elvis, but we should probably wash all the dad lice out. Pete: Okay. Erin: Okay. Okay. [rinsing Pete's hair out] Is that too cold? Pete: No, it actually feels kinda nice. Kevin: I wonder what happened over there. I've been sitting here the whole time. [as the baler crushes the bubble wrap, making loud noises] Val: Okay. Darryl: Huh? Val: Let's give it a sh*t. Let's make it work. Darryl: Oh, no. I mean, I want to, I just...I don't want to force you into something you don't want to do. Val: You're not. I believe in us. Darryl: But... [Val kisses Darryl] Darryl: I'm back together with Val. Yay... Dwight: I had a pretty good day today. Not everything went exactly according to plan, but lice if you are watching, I am ready for you anytime, anywhere. [Dwight gets into his car and another insecticidal grenade goes off] Pete: Hey, did Erin already take off? Oscar: I guess so. Pete: Okay. Julius: You're Kareem, coming to help. Jim: Okay, I'm Kareem. That makes total sense. I'm Kareem. You're Dr. J. Just sounds weird to say out loud. Julius: And it went like this. [Jim's phone starts ringing] Jim: And that's all? Julius: That's it. Jim: No one will believe this back home, but that's okay. Let me show you how it's done. Julius: Yeah, you show me how. Jim: [Jim's phone goes to voicemail] This is Jim Halpert, leave a message. Pam: Hey honey, it's me. Just trying to catch you before going home. Um, oh, well just give me a call whenever. Hope your day got better. Love you. Meredith: Hey, what you doing right now? Pam: I'm just gonna go home. My mom's been watching the kids all day. Meredith: Let her stay another hour. Let's go get a beer. Pam: Really? A beer sounds incredible right now. Meredith: No duh. Let's go. You're buying. Pam: Meredith, I am so sorry about today. Meredith: Forget about it. Pam: I just did not realize how hard it was gonna be without Jim. I mean, I really respect you for being a single mom all these years. It whipped my ass in half a week. I have to say, there are not a lot of people who could pull off a shaved head, but you are rocking it. Meredith: Right. I got the bartender's phone number when you were in the john. I'm gonna take that freak to bone town before the night is over. Pam: Get it, girl! Pam: [Pam and Meredith singing karaoke] This one's for all you ladies out there. Meredith: [starts singing] I come... Pam: Not yet. Both: [singing] I come home in the middle of the night. My mother says when you gonna live your life right? Oh Mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones. And girls, they want to have fun. Oh girls just want to have fun.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x10 - Lice"}	foreverdreaming
[Dwight's computer chimes] New Instant Message: Stone & Son Suit Warehouse contract expired with their paper provider! Go get it! –David Wallace Dwight: Stone and Son Suit Warehouse recently lost their paper provider. They're a family owned business [chuckles]. Jim and I used to clean up at those. We'd go in pretending to be family – brothers. We did it at a family owned law firm, at a family owned construction company, and a family owned motorcycle store. Jim and Dwight Shrupert. I was the dynamic, likeable winner that was doted upon by Mom. And Jim was the closeted foot fetishist pretending to belong. The client never knew any of that, but I knew. Dwight: [on phone with Jim] I hope you've been paying your wig storage bills Jimbo, because it's time for another episode of "Handsome and Stinky, paper brothers for hire". Jim: Sorry, Stinky, can't do it. Too busy. Dwight: Oh, god, this again? You're Stinky. Jim: Okay. There's no possible way I can get there, so just ask Phyllis. She can be your older sister or something. Dwight: Phyllis, my sister? More like my dad great great grandmother who died of stupidity. Phyllis: I have ears, Dwight. Dwight: Oh, do you really have ears, Phyllis? Like all human beings? We all have ears. [back to Jim] See what you leave me with here, Jim? Jim: Hey, I'm in Philadelphia right now. Dwight: How is that my problem? Get in your car and drive down here. You can make it in 30 minutes if you drive 240 miles per hour. Jim: Huh. How long would it take me if I drove 300 miles an hour? Dwight: Mmm. That's a good... question. 300 times... [Jim hangs up] 180... Um that comes to 25 minutes. [realizes Jim hung up] Yes. Oh, well, thank you Jim. Yes, I am better than you. Thanks for acknowledging that. Okay, bye bye. Love you. Nellie: Darryl, looking good! Darryl: Heading to Philly. Interview with Jim's company. Pam: Hey, good luck. When you get to Philly, will you tell Jim I miss him? Darryl: Why don't you come along and tell him yourself? Pam: Ha ha. That'd be great. Kind of like ditching school, except instead of getting suspended, you get... What do you get? Oh my god! Why didn't I think of this? Andy's not here. Oh, hey, Erin, um, I'm expecting a shipment of pens. Can you cover that? Erin: Mhm. Cover that. What does that mean, exactly? What are we talking here? Details. Pam: A delivery guy will deliver a box of pens, and you just make sure everything's in order. Erin: What? Everything? What, how do I make sure it's in order? I [laughs] haven't been trained for this. Pam: [giggles] Okay, see you later. Clark: Hey guys. Phyllis: Clark! Meredith: Hey! Oscar: Hey, look who's back, Dwight Junior. Kevin: Hey, so how was it? I mean... the sex with Jan. Clark: A gentleman doesn't discuss such matters. Especially when the feelings of a lady are involved. Clark: Women reach their sexual peak at whatever age Jan was last week. I mean it was... like making love with a wild animal. But not like a cougar like you might think. It was uh... like a swarm of bees. Bees that just find something wrong with every hotel room. Meredith: Nothing wrong with being a gentleman. Like my mom used to say, "Talk classy, act nasty". Clark: What's with the wig Meredith? Meredith: What, is it on backwards? [partially removes wig, revealing her bald head] Clark: Nope, you got it. You fixed it. Uh, I have a gift from Jan. It's an espresso maker! We came to be quite fond of espresso on the Amalfi Coast so... bon appetite. Phyllis: Ooo! 16 types of espresso! Now that's Italian. Oscar: My friend has one of these. Fool-proof espresso every time. Meredith: Always with the friends Oscar. Can't we just enjoy the new espresso machine? Oscar: Actually, it's pronounced "espresso"... Wait. That's what you said. I apologize, I just assumed you would mispronounce it. So... Dwight: There he is! [chuckles] We are all so proud of you for the small part that you played in landing the white pages. Prouder of me, but... Clark: If you really want to show appreciation, just give me half the commission. Dwight: Gosh, you know, I wish I could but, uh... No. Hey, listen, remember how everyone used to call you Dwight Junior and how much you loved that? Clark: [sarcastically chuckling] I loved it. Dwight: How would you like to pretend to by my son in order to land a sale? Clark: If it'll lead to me being a salesman, I'll pretend to be your friend. Dwight: Then looks like we have a deal... Son [holds up a suit identical to his] Erin: Hi guys! Pete: Hey, look who it is! Erin: Sorry. Super-busy. Pens coming in later, just grabbing a Java before all hell breaks loose. Oscar: Try this one. [handing Erin a cup of espresso] Erin: Thank you! [leaves the room] Erin: I don't really have time to think about Pete right now. I just have a lot going on with this whole shipment of pens. And I have a lot of people trusting me, and I would feel super guilty if I broke anyone's trust. About the pens. Pam: You ready for your interview? Darryl: I was born ready! No, I suck at interviews. I had Andy's job in the bag until my interview. Pam: Well, you shouldn't be nervous about this. This is a tiny start-up with a bunch of guys just as dorky as Jim. Darryl: Yeah, I guess... Pam: Really, you can't be scared of a room full of Jims. I love the guy, but he's basically Gumby with hair. [Darryl laughs] Suit Store Father: [chuckling] It's kind of funny, a father and son sales team meeting with a father and son suit store. Dwight: You know, you're right! We hadn't even thought of that, had we boy? [to Clark] Clark: No, we sure hadn't Pop. [both chuckling] Dwight: [Takes picture from desk] Oh! You're a hunter I see. Spend your early mornings out in the blinds, like Clarky and me. Huh? [grabs Clark's shoulder] Clark: He calls me Clarky ‘cause he's my Dad. Dwight: Guilty! Suit Store Father: You don't meet many hunters these days. Clark: My dad is the best hunter there is. I mean, he's like a serial kller... of animals. One time, he snuck up behind a sleeping deer and just sawed its head right of. It was sick! [Dwight imitates sawing and blood spurting out of his neck, then makes a dying noise] Dwight: It was his birthday, just turned three. So... Suit Store Father: Ahh... Oscar: You guys, I kind of think I want to try them all. Is that crazy? Nellie: No. Look, without a taste test, how are we supposed to know which flavors we like to reorder? Kevin: Taste test? I'm in! Oscar: YOLO! [singing and dancing] Phyllis: What? [everyone is confused] Oscar: It's a thing. It means "you only live once". Kevin: Yeah, we're aware of what it means Oscar, you just do not look cool saying it. Oscar: Well... Kevin: Alright everybody, who's in? [everyone except Angela puts their hand in the middle of the group, like a huddle] Angela? [Angela shakes her head] Don't make us come over there. Angela: No, I don't... no. Kevin: Alright, let's go. [starts shuffling the whole group towards Angela] Angela: Can't I just agree without putting my hand in? Nellie: Absolutely not! Kevin: No way. Angela: Oh, fine. [puts a napkin on top of everyone else's hands and reluctantly puts her own hand on the napkin] Kevin: Ok guys, "we all drink them all". Everyone: [Meredith, Phyllis, Nellie, Angela, Creed, Oscar, Stanley] We all drink them all! Kevin: Yes! Oscar: Yes! Nellie: Whoo! Phyllis: Hey, where's my ring? Creed: I'm sure it'll turn up. Athlead Employee: [in the background] Yes ma'am, you want to go east on Franklin, take that all the way to Commonweath. You'll see us on the right side, you can't miss us. Dennis: ...And I want to reach every demographic possible. Jim: No, I hear what you're saying, and we will. The thing is, we gotta lock down this key demographic first. The rest will come, I promise. Just give me a couple weeks, alright? Dennis: We're talking weeks here, not months, right? Jim: Weeks. Always weeks. Man, the last time I talked months was like, a million weeks ago. Dennis: Alright. Good. Jim: Thanks Dennis, I appreciate it. [To Pam] Hey! How are you? Pam: Good! Jim: What are you doing here? Pam: I just wanted to see you! Jim: That's so great! Darryl: Damn! Jim, you got a real Facebook energy going on here man. You Zuckerberged this place out! Jim: It's pretty great, right? I mean, we're coming along... [to coworker] Hey, Wade, we gotta just push up Dennis's timeline Wade: Okay Jim: [back to Pam] Actually, you know what? Give me one second, okay? Make yourselves at home. Dwight: ...But I think that all of your concerns will be answered when you see the brochure that Clark's getting out of my car. He's a good boy, does whatever I say. Suit Store Father: [sighs] I can't relate to that, my son hates my guts. Dwight: Oh... really. Suit Store Father: Bring him into the business, and he resents me. How do you like that? Dwight: [fumbling] Well, things between me and Clark are good, but not great. In fact, I will say that they're not even good. Really, they're bad. Like you and your son. Clark: [enters] Here you go, Pop! I know it was just a couple minutes, but... God I missed you! Dwight: What took you so long? Were you loitering out there like a hooligan, smoking a doobie? Clark: [confused] I sure was. Just like he taught me, looking cool. Dwight: You're being disrespectful! Clark: ...And I love you, for saying that. Dwight: [whispers to Clark] We don't get along. Clark: [catches on] Ha ha! I just brned him. Because the truth is... our relationship is... terr- Dwight: Terrible! Clark: Terrible. Dwight: Yes! Genius. Stupid, stupid genius! Pam: Wow, this place is... so great. I had no idea – on the phone, you made it sound kind of dinky. Jim: Well, I mean, I don't even have the paycheck yet. It is a startup, so... These things go down all the time. Darryl: If this company's going down, I wanna go down on it. With it. I wanna go down with it. Jim: [to Pam] Are you cool to just hang out? Pam: Sure, no problem. Jim: Yeah? [to Darryl] You ready? Darryl: Yeah. Jim: Let's do it! Erin: The pen delivery went amazing, and now I've got all these pens just waiting to be unpacked. But Pam did not tell me to unpack the pens, and I'm not one of those people who's just like, "Uh, sure. I'll accept the pens when they come in, and then as soon as your back's turned, I unpack the pens and get all this credit as some great pen unpacker. On the other hand... they are just sitting here. Pam didn't tell me not to unpack them. Don't want to be a busybody, but I don't want to be a lazybones. Busybody, lazybones. Busybody, lazybones. Ahh! My brain is ping-ponging around in my head right now, it's insane! I'm sorry, what was your question again? Oh yeah, no. I've never had an espresso before. They're good though. Nellie: A-bam! [slams espresso cup on table] My favorite is Viennese Amaretto. And the worst flavor I've tried so far is Alpine Select! Kevin: Yes! [giggles and picks up Angela] Angela: Ugh! Kevin: One! [as he picks Angela up in the air] Angela: Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin: Two... [picks Angela up again] Angela: Stop it! Kevin: Three... Oscar: That's enough Kevin. Angela: Stop it Kevin! Kevin: Four! Oscar: That's enough! Angela: Kevin! Clark: So for your menswear catalogue, I think we can offer you some very competitive pricing. Suit Store Father: I heard that before... Clark: Well, I understand, but – Dwight: I bet you have. He knows nothing about what people have heard before, my son. Clark: Here we go again, another lecture from the old man. Suit Store Father: Listen to him. He created you. Dwight: Maybe if you listened a little bit, you'd improve. No wonder women despise you. Clark: Women don't despise me... Dwight: His last girlfriend was a trnsvstite. I knew it right away. Adam's apple like the prow of a ship, thumbs like a lowland gorilla. Ha, but this one couldn't see it, or didn't wanna see it. Clark: Alright, that's enough, ‘cause I can say some things about him too. Dwight: Yeah? Like what? Clark: Like the time that you got drunk and, and then... klled those kids on their way to prom! Dwight: That never happened. He's always been a liar. Ever since he was a little kid. He got caught "saving treats" from the kitty litter box. Suit Store Father: Really shameful... Clark: So we can offer you matte or glossy printing- Dwight: Glistening brown morsels tumbling from every pouch in his trousers. Clark: There's obviously a volume discount uh, if you- Dwight: Following the cat around on his knees with his hands cupped beneath its tail, going "please kitty, may I have some more?" You can't make this stuff up! Clark: No, I think someone could make it up. Someone with very few friends. Suit Store Son: Hey fellas, sorry to keep you waiting. Suit Store Father: Here he is, my son. Dwight: [scoffs] Got cat turd collector written all over him. Suit Store Son: ...Did you say cat turd collector? Athlead Employee: ...So definitely looking to expand our market, but for now we're just concentrating on athletes that are popular here in the northeast. Of course, that's not a mandate. Darryl: "Mandate"- Always think of two men on a date. [awkward moment] I have gay friends... I have one gay friend. [to Jim] Oscar? Jim: Mm-hm Athlead Employee: Alright, so what makes you think you'd be a good fit here? Darryl: [freezes] Ummm... [a moment later] Alright. Obviously y'all look really busy, and uh, I don't want to waste your time anymore. Sorry, I just uhh... Obviously I'm not qualified to be here man, I'm... I'm a warehouse manager, you know... Athlead Employee: Darryl, I was a newspaper editor. Female Athlead Employee: Science teacher, volleyball coach. 3rd Athlead Employee: I work at a home shopping network. 4th Athlead Employee: I'm a laywer. I'm the only one here who can honestly help. [group chuckles] Jim: And as you know, I was a paper salesman. [whispers to Darryl] Hey, I find it helps if you just picture everybody naked. [group overhears and chuckles] Darryl: Cool. Hey, thanks... Athlead Employee: So how about we start over, hmm? Darryl, do you have any thoughts on the company? Darryl: Yes, as a matter of fact, I uh... [pulls booklets from his bag] I wrote some down. There you go. [passes out booklets] Wow, this guy came prepared, it impresses me! [group laughs] Stanley: Ah! So, this is what 2:00 P.M. looks like around here! Stanley: I usually take a siesta about now. Pete: [to Erin] Stocking pens, huh? You're like the new office administrator. Erin: No, I just took over the pen shipment because Pam had to leave. When I say it out loud, I know that sounds insane, but it's the truth, I swear. Kevin: Pam! Pam, look out! Erin's gn for your job! Erin: No, I'm not! [Kevin imitates gn] It's not like that at all! Forget it, I'm so sorry. Kevin: Pam, look out! Erin: Pens, you did not buy into this. I am sorry, what a day you've had. Athlead Employee: By the way, Jim talks about you all the time. Pam: That's sweet that he talks about me. Athlead Employee: It's too bad he still hast to work part time in Scranton though... Pam: Well, that's funny because I think of him as working part time in Philadelphia. Athlead Employee: We can't wait until you move here. Suit Store Son: I'm sorry, you guys are here to sell us paper? Dwight: Do you mind? The men are talking. Suit Store Father: Sons used to idolize their fathers. Dwight: Us old timers need to stick together. And how better than by signing a contract? Suit Store Father: I'd love to! Sam Junior here, he runs the business now. Kind of pushed me out, truth be told. I'm just here for human contract. Suit Store Son: Okay Pop... Dwight: Wait, so you're the boss? Suit Store Son: That's right. Clark: Hi, I'm Clark. Suit Store Son: Hey. Clark: Let's talk. Suit Store Son: Okay. Clark: So if you look at our catalog here... Athlead Employee: Well, thanks for coming down Darryl. Female Athlead Employee: It was nice meeting you Darryl, I think you'd fit in great here. Darryl: Yeah, yeah me too. I think it'd be like... You know what? [grabs basketball] I think it'd be like a Kevin Durant jump sht... Perfecto! [sht basketball at hoop on wall, basketball misses and lands in fish tnk, klling the fish] Oh my god... Pam: They're the ones who put a fish tnk next to a basketball hoop. It's like if I put a glass of milk on the edge of the table and Cece knocks it over, I don't blame Cece. Darryl: So I'm like a three year old girl in this scenario... Pam: Say they don't hire you. It's not like you're out on the street. You have a great job with people who love you. Darryl: And I'd only get to see Jada on the weekends. You know, I'm... I'm not so sure I'd like living in Philadelphia. Pam: Right? Thank you! It's just Philly. Everyone's acting like it's New York or Paris or London. Darryl: Who needs it? Pam: Not us. Jim: [enters] Okay, so the consensus was that that was unique. They're going to make you pay for the fish, and... they wanted to know when you can start. Darryl: What? [Jim shrugs] How about yesterday? Pam: Congratulations. Darryl: Oh, thank you. Pam: I guess you gotta move to Philly after all. Darryl: Yes, I love Philly! Two-One-Five or die! Pam: No, I'm not upset. I'm really excited for Darryl... Maybe I'm a little disappointed that we'll be losing him. Kevin: It feels really hot in here. Is it hot in here? It feels really really hot in here. Oscar: It's insane! They need to have the A.C. on year round! January too! Angela: [banging on window] I don't get the point of this stupid window! Clark: I mean, look, you and I both know that in paper or fashion, styles change. Check out my dad's suit. You are looking at pure acrylic. That's why his face always breaks out. Suit Store Son: Does that suit come with a fre extinguisher? [Clark chuckles] Clark: You know what Dad? Maybe you should buy me a suit. I mean, I'm going to need one right? If I'm ever going to get a "real job" and move my "lazy ass" out of your "G.D. house". Suit Store Son: He's got you there... Suit Store Son: [to Clark in dressing room] That's Italian silk. Very comfortable. Very tasteful... Although expensive. Dwight: Yeah, you don't want Italian. You'll look like a mafia don. Next thing you know, you'll be doing life in Rikers Island. Clark: Well, that's better than looking like the undertaker from boring island. Dwight: That place doesn't exist. It's not a documented island. Ha ha, cartograph much? Clark: [emerges from dressing room wearing a sharp black suit] How do I look? Dwight: Actually... You look great. They steered you right. I guess it does make sense buying from a father son team. You know what? I'll take one too. Oscar: Everyone! Now that we have all this energy, why don't we move the copier into the annex like we've always wanted to? Nellie: Whoo! Meredith: Frickin' A! Oscar: Huh? Kevin: So long, noise! Oscar: One, two, three! [all gather around copier and push, tearing carpet beneath] Nellie: And we have torn up the carpet! Oh, we're going to be in so much trouble! Oscar: Wait! [looking at the hardwood floor beneath the carpet] It's beautiful. Hardwood! I always knew it was down here, I just never dreamed that I would actually see it. Meredith: Tear up the carpet! Nellie: Whoo! Darryl: kll their fish, and they still hire me. That's how you do that, baby. It's all good, I'm ready. Y'all ready for this? [sings intro to "Everybody dance now", points to Pam to sing first line] Pam: [reluctantly] Everybody dance now... [Darryl continues singing] Oscar: Kevin, move. I can't pull up the rug if you're standing on it with your rhinoceros feet. Kevin: Well I can't stand here if you pull the carpet out from under me. Angela: Oh, my head is k*lling me. Does anyone have a baby asprin? Nellie: Oh, enough with the whining already! Why don't you just have some more coffee? Stanley: It's all gone. I didn't get a chance to try them all because Creed poured my Bogota Sunrise in the plant. Creed: I saw the leaves twitch! Angela: Shut up! Creed: You shut up! Oscar: Everybody shut up and work! Phyllis: We don't work for you! Kevin: Yeah! Angela: Yeah! Stanley: Hey, it's five o'clock. [everyone leaves and a traffic backup occurs in the parking lot] Oscar: [with horns honking] Kevin, can- Angela: What's going on? Dwight: Yes! We did it! [leaving the suit store] Clark: You opened the door- Dwight: And you closed it. The boys are back in town. [high fives Clark] High fives! Ha ha! Clark: Hey, so all that really specific cat turd business, that was about you, right? Dwight: You got me! [tickles Clark and chuckles] I used to collect them! Clark: Why? Dwight: Each one is very different, like a snowflake. Pam: [shocked after seeing the torn up carpet] Hey... What happened here? Erin: You left me in charge of the pens, Pam. That's what happened. The pens happened. Pam: ...Are the pens here?	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x11 - Suit Warehouse"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: Gotta clear out these file cabinets people, a lot of these are dad accounts. "Scranton Mimeograph Corp?" I don't think we're doing business with them any time soon. That's odd. A letter from Robert Dunder. "A valuable artifact has come into my possession. I have hidden it until such time as a person of strong intellect may safely recover it. This golden chalice is of immeasurable historical and religious significance." The Holy Grail. Pam: [on phone]: Did you send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail? Jim: I think I'm a little too busy these days to s--- [whispering] Oh ,my God. I did send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail. Jim: The Dunder Code! I completely forgot about that prank. That had to be like six or seven years ago. Stayed late every night for a month. Had a lot more free time back then. Kevin: I don't get it. Dwight: Aha! A lightbulb. Kevin: A lightbul-- Dwight: A lightbulb. Okay. Okay. [holding note over lamp] Invisible ink. Kevin: Whoa. Dwight: "Higher than numbers go." The ceiling above accounting! Angela: Dwight! Down, Dwight! Dwight! Jim: [on phone]: Man, I wish I was there to see his face when he gets to the end ... Jim: ...and finds the... fake grail? No grail? Pam: You don't remember? Jim: I don't. Dwight: An "X." Oscar: Annex. It must open something in the annex. Dwight: Oh. Kevin: Whoa. Dwight: "Sedes introiti." Seat of entrance. Dwight: [shouts while cutting up seat cushion - gasps upon finding playing cards] Pete: What? Oscar: What? Kevin: That's a flush. All: [murmuring as Dwight holds up toy forklift] All: The warehouse. Pam: [on phone to Jim] There's nothing down here. Jim: Oh, I expected more from young Halpert. Dwight: Let's just forget it. Forget it. [warehouse worker dips donut into golden chalice] Nellie: So, how are we getting on with our grand social media initiative? Erin: Well, we created a fake profile for a really cool guy named Derek McBlack. Nellie: Wow. Erin: It's just Pete in sunglasses. Nellie: Oh. Erin: And then we had him "Like" Dunder Mifflin. Pete: Then we created a bunch of fake friends for Derek, and we had all of them "Like" Derek's "Likes." Erin: So far, we're only popular with imaginary people, but we think this is the start of something big. Nellie: You two are geniuses. And I am a genius putting you two together. Erin: All right. Erin: Pete and I work well together -- not that there's anything special about Pete. It could be any guy... or girl-- not that I'm into girls. Not that I'm into Pete. Ugh! What was the question? Jim: Hey. Co-worker: Hey Jim. Peter Rowley at Bridgeport Capital requested a meeting at lunch. Jim: Okay. Can we keep it on the early side, though? I got that thing in Scranton later. Co-worker #2: Uh sure. No problem. Jim: Cece's ballet recital is today. I cannot wait. I've been working with her on her move. It's called the Cece Spin and Kiss. Do you want to see it? It's kind of like this. It's pretty cute, right? Dwight: Pfft, "Athlead"? Please. They're too lazy to call it Athletes Lead? Jim should just call it "Stumpany," for "Stupid Company." Darryl: Nothing stupid about working for yourself. Hanging out with pro athletes, getting free tickets to the games. That's why I'm doing it. Dwight: You're working for "Stumpany" too? Darryl: Yeah, just weekends for now, but pretty soon, I'm switching over. Dwight: What? Darryl: Yep. Dwight: [on phone] Hey, Halpert, what's the big idea? First you jump ship. Now you're stealing Darryl too. When will it end? Jim: Well, take your worst fear and multiply it by infinity. Dwight: You won't stop until you've poached us all. Jim: Yeah. Even you. Dwight: No. I'll be damned if I'm gonna let us lose me. Jim: Bye, Dwight. Jim: Hi. How are ya? Good to see you. Pam: Hey, Angela? Did you hear about the Irish-American Cultural Center mural? Kevin: Ooh, I haven't heard it. So, what about the Irish-American Cultural Center mural? Potato? Pam: Oh, no, Kevin, it's not a joke. Angela's husband put me up for a-- um, just never mind. Angela: I have no information. But I'm sure as soon as they know, they'll call you. Pam: Senator Lipton helped me submit my design for a new mural on a building downtown. Now I'm just waiting to hear from the selection committee. But, you know, let's be realistic. There are a ton of great artists in Scranton with way more experience. I mean, who are they gonna go with -- some nobody like me or a big name like Tracy Fleeb? Pam: Well, I'm heading out to Cece's dance recital. Oscar: Aw. Pam: Hey, Cece, Daddy's gonna have dinner with us tonight after he comes to your recital. Are you excited? Cece: Yeah. Pam: Let's call him. [line trilling] Jim: Hey. I was just about to call you. Pam: Hey, Hon, are you close? Jim: I am still in Philly, actually. Pam: What? Jim: It's insane. This huge investor got cold feet, so I'm stuck here trying to keep him on board. Pam: Hon, I wish you would have told me an hour ago, when you knew you weren't gonna make it. Jim: Pam, I couldn't get out. I barely made it out just to make this phone call. Cece: I want Daddy. Jim: You're gonna do great. And you know what? Mommy's gonna record it. So we'll watch it together. Do you mind doing that, Pam? Pam: Of course. Jim: Okay. Are you sure you know how to do video on the phone? Pam: Yes, Jim, I think I know how to point a rectangle at something. Jim: Okay, okay, you know, just sometimes you're not the best with the phone. Pam: I know how to operate my phone, okay? Listen, we're getting close. We will talk to you later. Say, "Bye, Daddy." Cece: Bye, Daddy. Jim: Bye. [pause] Yep. See, you've still got to press "End," Pam. Cece: Press "End." Pete: Oh, check it out. This is our first real "Like." Erin: Oh, my gosh! Pete: Oh! All right, Alan Olson from North Dakota. He also likes Hammermill and Georgia Pacific. Erin: Wow. That guy's really into paper. Pete: Yeah. Nellie: Well done, you two. Erin: We did it. Youth task force forever. Pete: Yes. Pete: [doing a series of hand bumps with Erin] Bap, bup, bup, bap. Wait. Did I go first and then you? Erin: No, you go -- okay. Pete: All right, all right.Okay, start over. Nellie: Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh God. Andy has just started to be nice to me, I just sent his girlfriend into the arms of a younger man. "Our social media presence should be hot, hot, hot. Go at it vigorously." I did everything but unzip their pants for them. Oh, God, Nellie. Dwight: Hey, everybody. Uh, coffee order is going around -- on me. Just sign your name below. All: [murmuring] Dwight: You're welcome. Phyllis: Wait. This says "Dunder Mifflin Loyalty Pledge"? Dwight: This -- uh, what? Double mocha latte, please? You got it. Just sign your name below. Whatever you want. Oscar: "Loyalty pledge"? Darryl: Come on, Dwight, stop overreacting. I'm getting all my work done here. No customers have complained. Nobody even knows. Dwight: Yeah, we'll see about that. Dwight: Bust out your complaint files. I need everything you've got on Darryl since he started working for Jim in the last few weeks. Break it down by keyword, okay? "Infuriating, irresponsible"... Clark: They got us set up with Windows 95, so you're kind of dreaming here. Dwight: Okay, I'm gonna need you to print it out. [dot matrix printer beeping and whirring loudly] Dwight: [writing on white board] Customer Loyalty. What is it? Can you hold it in your hand? Can you nudge it with your finger? Can you dump it on a woman? No. Why? Because it's an idea. But what does it mean? Kevin: Ooh, it's when you get a free sandwich after you've already eaten ten sandwiches. Dwight: Not even close. Mr. Romanko has been a client for 20 years. He came in today in a rage. Why? Because of Darryl. Because Darryl was focusing on outside projects and needs to remember his first priority-- the client. Mr. Romanko: I wouldn't say a rage. Darryl: Mr. Romanko, we were a day late on one of your deliveries, but two of our trucks were down for repairs. It's very unlikely it would happen again. Mr. Romanko: Thank you. Thank you. Dwight: No, you're not going anywhere, okay? You are angry, and we are gonna hear you out, all right? Because business is about relationships, and the key to relationships is what, Darryl? L-- Darryl: Loyalty. Dwight: Loyalty. Nellie: Loyalty is exactly right. Dwight: Thank you. Nellie: Yes. I mean, it is everything. Let's all ask ourselves, have we been faithful in our relationships? Stanley: That's none of your damn business. Nellie: Darryl is "dating" Dunder Mifflin. Darryl: Darryl is dating Val... still. Nellie: But he's flirting with Jim's company on the side. And we all know what flirting can lead to. Mr. Romanko: I'm sorry. Do I still need to be here? Dwight: Yes. Nellie: I'm having a bit of trouble understanding the importance of loyalty. So let's-- let's use an example. Take Erin. Erin's boyfriend Andy, is away across the ocean. Dwight: Yeah. Nellie: So is it all right for her to flirt with Creed, for example? Creed: Let's try it out. Nellie: No, let's-- let's-- let's not say Creed. Let's say Mr. X. Angela: Well, I think it would be immoral for Erin to cheat on Andy. Erin: Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't you cheat on Andy? Angela: Yes. And he didn't like it. Phyllis: Does Mr. X know that Erin has a boyfriend, or did Erin keep that from Mr. X? Kevin: Okay, this is really hard to follow. Can we just say Pete because that's the guy that Erin's flirting with? Dance Teacher: Ladies and gentlemen, the Little Ladybug Ballerinas. [Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star plays] Ballerinas: One, two, three. [Pam's cell phone ringing] Parent in Audience: Really? Pam: Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. Ballerinas: One, two, three. Pam: [whispering] Hello? Yes, this is Pam Halpert. I got the mural? [Loudly] Oh, my God! Audience: Shh! Pam: [whispering] Um, I'm sorry. I have to go. My daughter's a ladybug. I know that doesn't make any sense. Um, thank you, thank you. Parent in audience #2: You're very rude. Parent in audience #1: Yes, very rude. Pam: Shh! Kids are dancing. Dwight: Thank you so much for coming. Darryl and I will be here to serve you for years and years and years and years. [chuckles] So, should we go call Jim and tell him to go screw himself? Darryl: Dwight, look, I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this, okay? Athlead is my future. No disrespect to Dunder Mifflin, but if I can have fun at work, I want that. Dwight: It can't be more fun than selling paper and paper products. Darryl: It can. Dwight: Are you pretending to be crazy, huh? Phyllis: Well, Andy's cute, but he's too vanilla, whereas Pete - he's just one sick dude. I mean, you know this guy likes to get weird. Erin: I'm just gonna say this one more time. Pete and I haven't done anything. Meredith: Yeah right. With slammin' bods like that, they ain't playing checkers. Oscar: People, it's 2013. Erin is a strong, independent woman. Who says she has to end up with any man? Erin: Okay, can everyone please stop speaking for me? Andy is my boyfriend. Pete and I are just friends. And that's the end of it. Right, Pete? Pete: That is correct. Come on, guys, where is this even coming from? Kevin: Your feelings for Erin? Probably your heart... and a little bit your penis. All: [groan] Erin: Nellie, you have to shut down the task force. I'm not sure if you need to start a new task force to do that, but please just shut down the task force. Nellie: I suppose that will-- that will be all right, yeah. Nellie: Most relationships eventually die on their own, but sometimes they just need a little pillow over the face. You're welcome, Andy. And you're welcome, my own ass. Investor: Listen, I appreciate you taking the time with me. Co-worker: Peter, please. We completely understand your concerns here. Let us just show you the latest projections. Jim? Jim: Uh, Wade actually has those on the road, but he's gonna be calling in with those numbers any second. So just hold on one s-- [cell phone vibrates] Jim: Oh, actually... uh, nope. That is my wife. Again, he'll be calling in any second. Pam: [on phone] Hey, uh, give me a call back when you get a chance. Cece did great, and I want to tell you something. Lonnie: Hey boss, you gotta jump on a delivery. Darryl: I don't do that anymore. Lonnie: That's what they told me. Darryl: [sighs] Darryl: All right, let's get this over with. Dwight: You looking for fun? It just found you! Woo! [laughs] Here we go! Yeah! Dwight: Yes, we will be delivering a shipment of paper today, but I will also be delivering you a big shipment of fun! [We are young plays on radio] Darryl: How far is this place? [turns off radio] Dwight: Uh, not far at all, but I thought along the way, we could play some sports. [throws small ball at Darryl] Darryl: Fun. Toby: Hey, really nice job in that meeting in there. Nellie: Oh, thank you. I don't know, I sort of thought-- Toby: [hugging Nellie] So proud of you, Hon. Nellie: Oh, I don't know. Okay. Toby: I'm just curious though, what do you have against Pete and Erin? Nellie: Well, Andy wrote me a really nice recommendation letter for the adoption agency, and I-- I just sort of felt I owed him one. Toby: Pete's a pretty cool guy, though, and Andy was a terrible lover to Erin. He basically ignored her and left on a boat. Nellie: I didn't really think about it like that. Toby: Yeah, well... Not everybody has what we have. Nellie: "What we have"? Toby: Mm-hmm. Nellie: I just remembered... I kissed that man. Oh, no. Oh, no. Dwight: Yes. Fast food. I'll take a burger over a gross Philly cheese-steak any day. Darryl: They have fast food in Philly. Dwight: Not like this. Darryl: Exactly like this. Fast Food Worker: And your milkshake. Dwight: Thank you. Darryl: It's 30 degrees out. You drinkin' a mildshake? Dwight: Nope. [throwing milkshake] fre in the hole! [laughs] Oh, yeah! Now that's what working at a paper company's all about! [Darryl take keys out of ignition] Dwight: Wait, what you doing? No, I need the k-- We have to go. Darryl: You just threw a milkshake in a restaurant where they make minimum wage. Dwight: It's a youtube thing! Let's go. Let's go. Come on, they're coming. Pam: Anyone want to see the video from Cece's recital? Angela: Oh, I would love to, but I am swamped... with that [picks up piece of paper]. Oscar: I'll watch it. Let's get this over with. Pam: All right, you don't have to. Kevin: Let's get this over with, Pam. Pam: Okay. [sound of applause on phone] Oscar: Oh. Pam: Wait. What? Pam: [recorded on phone] Excuse me, I have to get back to work. Pam: Oh, no. I took a phone call in the middle of taping, and then when I went to turn it back on, I must have turned it off. Oscar: User error. I've heard of that happening to other people. Angela: Oscar, don't rub it in. I'm sure Pam is already kicking herself for choosing a phone call over her child. Pam: Well, it was an important phone call. Pam: I haven't told anyone here about the mural yet. I want Jim to be the first to know. Whenever I tell him good news, he's always like, "Beesly!" I love that. Only thing better than getting the job-- "Beesly!" [chuckles] Pete: Hey. Erin: Hello, Peter. Dwight: [cleaning up milkshake in restaurant] It barely even feels like a prank anymore. Darryl: You missed a spot. Drive Thru Customer: fre in the hole! [throwing milkshake] Go! Go! Go! Go! [tires screech] Dwight: Ha ha! Yeah, joke's on you buddy! They make you come back and clean it up! Nellie: I am sorry that was so awkward for you two in that meeting. But I am going to have to reassemble the youth task force. Erin: Oh, no, I really don't think that's a good idea. Nellie: Well, that is not your call. I made the decision. You have no choice in the matter, and everybody knows it. Pete: Well, okay, then. Erin: I guess we don't have a choice. Nellie: Nope. Pete: yeah. Erin: Yeah. Toby: Lady...you never stop surprising me. Dwight: [sighs] Darryl: [clears throat] Dwight: What? What was that? Did I just hear you laughing with glee? Darryl: No. I was clearing my throat. Meredith: Good night. Pam: Night Creed: Night Pam: Night, Creed. [cell phone rings] Pam: Hey. Jim: Hey. Pam: So, how's it going? Jim: We lost Bridgeport Capital. I have no idea what happened. It's like everything I did, he just wouldn't go for it. Pam: I'm so sorry. Jim: I have no idea where we're gonna come up with this money, and we have to work insanely hard over the next few weeks. Pam: [sighs] Oh, I'm sorry. I feel like you've already been working insanely hard. Jim: Can you figure out how to upload Cece's dance recital? I definitely could use a pick-me-up. Pam: Um, actually, funny story -- I didn't get it. I shouldn't have been so cocky about my rectangle-holding skills after all. Jim: You're not serious, are you? You didn't get any of the recital? Pam: No, I got the teacher introducing them and then the applause afterwards. But not so much of the middle part. Jim: Come on, Pam. Pam, I asked you if you could use the phone, and you swore that you knew how. Pam: Yeah, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sure we can get a copy. A lot of people were taping it. Jim: Oh, great. So we'll see somebody else's kid with Cece in the background? I mean, it's really not that hard to film a video. Pam: Is there-- um... you want to ease up a little bit? Jim: Look, Pam, I don't know what to tell you. I mean, what do I do? It's gone. That moment's just gone. I missed it. Pam: I don't know, Jim -- maybe you should have been there. Jim: You're not serious, right? I mean, how is that fair? I'm in Philly. These are my days in Philly. You've agreed to this. Pam: You know what? I-- I-- I don't think you want to start a conversation with me about what's fair. Okay? This is way more intense than I ever -- Jim: Pam, I'm not explaining this to you-- Pam, I'm not going over this again. Co-worker: Jim. We need you. Jim: I don't know how else to tell you, okay? I'm doing everything I can every week to bring home something... Pam: I am-- I am-- I am trying to make everything perfect here, okay? So that you can have everything that you want. Jim: I'm doing this just for me? Is that what I'm doing? I'm doing it just for me. If that's what you think, then this is a really sad night. But you know what? I got to go. Okay? Pam: Yep. Jim: We'll talk tomorrow? Pam: Yep. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Jim: Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Pam: Bye. [quietly crying, sniffling] Brian: Hey, you okay? Pam: What am I doing wrong, Brian? Brian: Nothing. You're doing the best you can. Cameraman: Brian. Brian: Give her a minute. Give her a minute. Pam: [crying] Brian: Hey, it's just a tough situation, all right? Pam: It's getting tougher. I just didn't know that it was gonna be this hard. Brian: Yeah. Let's turn the cameras off. Seriously, guys. Enough. Enough. Pam: Thank you. Guy: [on video] fre in the hole! Go! Go! Go! Go! Darryl: [watching you tube video, laughing] Guy: [on video] I nailed that guy, dude. Oh yeah. Darryl: And replay. Guy: [on video] f*re in the hole! Go! Go! Go! Go! I nailed that guy, dude. Oh, yeah. Darryl: [sighs] I'm gonna miss the paper business.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x12 - Customer Loyalty"}	foreverdreaming
Pam: Hey Brian, you got a sec? Brian: Yeah, hold on a sec. Pam: I feel awful. Brian: It's fine. It was my first slip up in nine years of miking you. [phone rings] Erin: [in background] Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin. Pam: Well, thanks for being a good friend. Brian: Sure, anytime. Uh, how about you and Jim? Everything squared away? Pam: Yeah, mostly. Erin: Pam, phone call. Pam: Um, hey, say Hi to Alyssa. Brian: Will do. Pam: Okay. Thank you. Brian: Sure. Meredith: Hey, boom guy. Brian: Oh, hey Meredith. Meredith: When are you gonna boom me? Brian: Uh, listen, they're cracking down on us talking to the subjects. It's a lame rule, but, you know, I wanna... I, I'll see you later. Meredith: Got it. Clark: Hey, so I hear you're bringing in some people to interview for the sales job? Dwight: That's right, a couple of old friends. Ballers only. Must be this cool to ride. Clark: Well, uh... see, you raised it. Dwight: Oh, did I? Oh, yes, I did. Dwight: Wallace is letting me hire a junior sales associate to sit at Jim's desk while he's away in Philly. Finally I'll have someone at my desk clump who gets me. It's like, "Really, Jim? You don't understand the difference between a slaughterhouse and a rendering plant? Uh, remind me not to lend you any dad cows or horses." Wow. Clark: You know what, man? I deserve this job. Dwight: Mm-hmm. Clark: I scored Stone and Son Suit Warehouse with you, and God knows, to get the Scranton White Pages with Jan, I went above and beyond... and under. Dwight: You know what? You're gonna get your interview, okay? I know that you're going head-to-head against some real superstars, but you got a really good chance. Dwight: Clark has no chance. I mean, he's up against my buddy Rolf, for God's sake. Guy goes fishing with hand grenades. And Trevor – he'll make you laugh so hard, you'll puke your pants. Clark: This sucks, you know? You put in 12 grueling weeks at a company, and what do they do? They make you compete for a promotion, like an animal. You know, I thought this was an office, not the Thunderdome. Dwight: Big changes coming to the old desk clump. No longer a Pam-Jim alliance against Dwight. Now it is Dwight and a friend axis against Pam. Jim: You could've just called that an alliance too, right? Dwight: I chose my words very carefully. Jim: Things are a little delicate with me and Pam right now. And if my working in Philly is gonna end up doubling the Dwight in her life, that's only gonna make things worse. Clark: [sighs] You interviewing for the sales job too? Rolf: No. You're interviewing for it. I'm getting it. Clark: Well, I wouldn't be so sure about that. I mean, I've been working here 12 weeks. That's a full season of Homeland. A ton of things can happen in that amount of time, as we've seen. Rolf: I'm Rolf. Rolf Ahl. Clark: Rolf Ahl? Sounds kinda like Roald Dahl. Rolf: Go to hell. Clark: There he is. Dwight: Hey. Come on, buddy. Let's do this. Sorry, Rolf goes first. You don't compare. When you're with the R-O-L-F, you're literally Rolling on the Laughing Floor. [laughs] Rolf: Nice. Dwight: Rolf is my best friend, and he is the man. Cool, calm, and collected 24/7. Just try and rattle Rolf. I dare you. Such a sweet guy. Pam: When are you talking to David Wallace? Jim: I'm talking to him this afternoon, but don't get your hopes up. Pam: Too late. My hopes are up. Jim: Last week, my company in Philly lost a big investor, so we're scrambling to find new funding. Luckily, my partners have a fix – me asking the boss of the company I'm abandoning to give us a gigantic influx of cash. So... problem solved. Thanks, guys. Dwight: And this chair's gonna be yours. And this desk. Ha! Jim: I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone. Dwight: No doy! Jim: I'm just gonna call you back. Thanks. [Dwight knocking on desk] Rolf: I hope you like Norwegian black metal, because I don't do earbuds. Dwight: [laughs] No earbuds! [both laugh] Jim: I'm sure he's just nervous. Pam: [sighs] It's fine. It's just a seating arrangement. Doesn't matter. Dwight: So I've got your resume here, but it's not telling me everything. Rolf: Well, a lot of that information is private. How do I know you're qualified to evaluate me? Dwight: Well, I'm the one offering the job. Rolf: What are your credentials? Dwight: I've worked here for 12 years. I won salesman of the year. I'm an Assistant to the Regional Manager. Rolf: I think I've heard everything I need to hear. Dwight: Wait, wait, wait, no, I mean, if you need to know more, you can call David Wallace. I'm sure he'd give a reference. Rolf: Thank you, Dwight. I'll be in touch. Dwight: Well, they can't all be winners. But Trevor's next and he's a real professional. You say, "Jump," and he says, "Oh who?" He loves to jump on people, that Trevor. Dwight: What makes you think you'd be an effective paper salesman? Trevor: Ooh, okay. Didn't see that one coming. Can I take a 20 on that? Maybe we can circle back around to it. Dwight: Well, it's a pretty basic question for a potential paper salesman. Trevor: Pass. Next one. Dwight: All right. Do you see yourself as more of a team player or a self-starter? Trevor: No, no and no. Dwight: There were only two options. Trevor: Checkmate. You win this one, my friend. Do you validate parking? Dwight: This is a bus transfer. Trevor: [chuckles] Nothing gets by this guy. Clark: Hey Jim, do you mind if I look over these price sheets before my interview? Jim: Sure, yeah, go ahead. Clark: Thanks, dude. You—you sure it's okay? ‘Cause you're kinda— Jim: Yeah, absolutely. Do people like sitting next to you? You're clean, right? Clark: Oh, Dove Men. Jim: Nice. Music. Do you listen to it in earbuds? You don't listen to it at all because we're at work, not a Florence and the Machine concert, so— Clark: Yeah, could I just have a minute to prepare for this? Jim: Sure, yeah. Do whatever you need to do. Clark: Thanks, dude. Jim: Right after you do one thing for me. I need you to breathe in my face. Clark: Why? Jim: I need you to breathe in my face right now. Clark: [exhales] Jim: What are we working with, peppermint or wintergreen? Clark: Wintergreen. Jim: I knew it, I knew it. Clark: Yeah, good nose. Jim: I looked at you coming around, and I said, "Wintergreen." Dwight: I can't hire Clark. Yeah, he looks like a Schrute, but he thinks like a Halpert and he acts like a Beesly. Dwight: Okay, here's one. A customer who ordered enough paper to qualify for a volume discount now wants to return half the stock. You can't rebate the sales price or credit for future purchases because you brokered the deal for a third party. Clark: That's just a classic no-win situation. Dwight: Thank you. Clark: So I'd Kobayashi Maru it. Dwight: Damn it! Perfect answer, again. Clark: Yep. Dwight: Think Dwight, think. You have a ream of 16-bond ... Clark: You know what, Dwight? Dwight: And anoth— Clark: This interview's over, and I get the job. I just Kobayashi Maru'd the whole process. Dwight: No. Clark: Yeah. Star Trek rules. Dwight: It does, but still no. Clark: Come on, man. I mean, did Trevor do that? Did Rolf do that? Dwight: Oh, you think they're my only friends? I've got way more friends than that, and they're all better than the losers who work here. [all murmuring] Stanley: This is not natural. Oscar: Just – I don't wanna make assumptions based on people's physical appearances. Pam: Well, of course not, but does physical appearance include smell? Darryl: They smell so bad. Meredith: If I ever get that bad, you'd tell me, right? Kevin: Meredith, I tell you all the time. Meredith: [chuckles] Walked right into that one. Dwight: Next up, my cousin Mose. Mose could make a great paper salesman. He's got a natural fear of paper, which would motivate him to get as much of it out of this office as possible. I've got big expectations, Mose-wise. Dwight: What quality would make you a good sales associate? Mose: People person. Dwight: It says here on your resume that you spent the last 15 years as a sales rep for Dow Chemical. Mose: That's right. Dwight: You know we live together, right? Mose: Yes. Dwight: And I've never seen you go to work, ever. Mose: Okay. Dwight: So why is this on your resume? [door slams] Clark: So how'd you guys hear about the position? Gabor: My—my mom. Nate: Dwight called my house, but he didn't realize that I had already moved out, because my mom and I are quarrelling because I- I can't stay out of her stuff. Zeke: Dwight's my cousin, so I overheard him telling my brother Mose about the job opportunity in the shower. Clark: You were in the shower or he was in the shower? Zeke: Everyone was in the shower. It's a cow shower, so there's like, a ton of people in there. Clark: So you guys all know Dwight already? Melvina: I was his babysitter, and then we dated for a while. He was a passionate lover and the sweetest little baby. Gabor: I knew you looked familiar. You used to pick up Dwight from school. Melvina: You went to X-Men school too? [exhales] Clark: X-Men school? Dwight: When I was young, I spent several years at a private school where I was told I would be taught to harness my mutant abilities. Turned out it was a conman copying Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters from the X-Men comic books. Took me years to figure out that it was a con. Some people never figured it out. Gabor: Oh, I have a few powers. Night hearing. Dogs understand where I point. And our training included picking carrots, scrubbing tubs, sewing imitation Levi's. A lot of telemarketing. Angela: I don't want to sit near any of those people for the next 20 years. Someone say something. Stanley: I said something when they were thinking of hiring Jim. Didn't work then. And now look what he's doing to us. Nellie: Yeah, Jim, this is all your fault. Jim: How is it my fault? Nellie: Here's an exercise for you, Jim. Imagine there are consequences to your actions. Imagine the whole world does not revolve around this. There are others. Jim: But it's Dwight who's bring in all the weirdos. Oscar: Yeah, but Jim, Dwight's a weirdo. We can't blame a weirdo for bringing in weirdos. We can blame a normal for creating a situation where a weirdo was allowed to bring in weirdos. Pam: Hey, I'm the one who has to sit next to this weirdo when Jim's away. I'm in a position where I'm rooting for Nate, and that just feels wrong. [sighs] Forget it. I need to work on my mural. I have some pointy trees that I need to round off. David Wallace: [on phone] Hey Jim, I thought our call was for later. Jim: Yeah, this is actually about the new sales guy. Uh, Dwight has brought in a bunch of real weirdos. And I was wondering if I could have some input— Dwight: [presses speaker button] This is Dwight Schrute. Who am I speaking to? And don't lie. I can tell if you're lying. David Wallace: Hey, Dwight. It's David. Dwight: David. David Wallace: Jim says he'd like some say in the hiring process. Dwight: Really? That's interesting. ‘Cause I was thinking that since Jim is only here part time, he might not be as invested in the decision-making process as someone like me who's here every day. And frankly, klling it lately. Jim: I was just thinking that because this person is gonna be sitting at my desk, near my wife— David Wallace: Jim, another thing. Since we are gonna have to hire this junior sales associate to cover for you, I am going to have to pay you only for the days that you actually work. Jim: Oh. Um... David Wallace: Yeah. Jim: Okay. I can't say that that's not fair. Dwight: Sounds fair to me, David. David Wallace: And I know we have a call scheduled for later – Jim: Oh, yeah, so we'll just do that later. Dwight: No. Why not do it now? David Wallace: Yeah. What's up Jim? Jim: Uh... [clears throat] Well, it's about Athlead. I'm sorry. Does Dwight have to be on this part of the phone call? Dwight: I'd love to be in the loop, David. David Wallace: It's okay. Go ahead, Jim. Jim: There's a very exciting opportunity to be a core investor – David Wallace: Okay. Jim, I'm gonna have to stop you right there. Jim: Yes, okay. Bye. Dwight: [whispers] I'd love to invest. Jim: No, thanks. Dwight: I'd like to give you $100 million. [snickers] [phone ringing] Hide: Why you make trees into bushes? You don't make paper from bushes. Pam: Hide, they're giving out jobs upstairs. Why don't you go up and get one? Hide: Thank you. Pam: Yeah. [hand dryer whirring] Troy: Whoops. Zeke: [patting Darryl's hair] It's dense. Like bread. Jim: Dwight, you can't just hire someone ‘cause they're your friend. Dwight: I'm not. These people are the best of the best. I find talent an attractive quality in a friend. Nellie: They're freaks, Dwight. All your friends are weirdos and freaks. Dwight: You know who else was a freak? Spider-man. And he was also a hero. Darryl: Your friends are like Spider-man, if he had gotten bitten by a spider and then got really into masturbating. Wolf: Man, how cool is it gonna be when I start working here? Paintball fights at lunch. Dwight: Mandatory paintball. Uh, wolf, please report to the parking lot for mandatory paintball at lunch. Dwight: Wolf is hilarious. He has excuted me over 100 times at point-blank range. Half of ‘em, we were on the same team. Oh my God. How I screamed. Ah, that goof. Dwight: Sell me this piece of paper. Watch this. Wolf: Do you want this paper? Dwight: I sure do. Wolf: It's not very good. Dwight: I will pay you whatever it takes. Wolf: I think I wanna keep it now. It must be pretty special if you want it so bad. Dwight: No, you have lots of other pieces of paper that are just like it. So here, just take my money. Wolf: Stop trying to get my paper buddy. Okay read my lips. It's over. Dwight: Okay. Good. That was great. So. Wow. You're still at the 570 number? Wolf: I am. Dwight: Okay. Good, good, good. [sighs] Hide: I have eight years experience selling electronics in Sanyo store in downtown Tokyo. I was a doctor. And I have a business degree from Tokyo University. Dwight: This isn't gonna work out. Hide: Thank you. [chuckles] Dwight: Nate is a proven entity, but not without his handicaps; hearing, vision, basic cognition. Trevor is great, but I saw no fre in him today. And this is a guy who loves to start fires. Troy is literally one of a kind. He's a goblin, or a hobbit, or a kobold, which is a type of gremlin. And yet I'm hesitant. Why can't I pull the trigger on any of them? Dwight: [groaning] No, no, no. I just need to tell them. I just need to tell them. [knock at door] Melvina: Do you need to be changed? Dwight: I do that myself now. Melvina: Mm. Are you going to make a decision soon? I've been double-parked for five hours. I'm wondering if I should move my car. Dwight: No, you've been towed by now. They tow after about 45 minutes. Melvina: Well, the joke's on them. I live right next to the tow yard. All they did was save me some gas. Trevor: Hey man, we get how difficult this is. And no matter how you choose, we're still gonna be your friend. Wolf: Yeah, whether it's me or Troy Underbridge, or Gabor, or Melvina— Dwight: Or none of you [chuckles] Wolf: Yeah, you'd bring us all down here, put us through the wringer and then choose none of us. Trevor: Can you imagine how insulting that would be? The contempt that a person like that would have to have for you. Dwight: I wish I could hire all of you. Zeke: I could start Monday. Dwight: Psst. Jim Jim? [whispering] Jim, turn around. Jim, turn around. Jim, turn around. Jim: Ahh, I love staring off in one direction. If I'm not looking south, I'm not livin'. That's what I always say. Dwight: Just act natural. [grunts] Dwight: And I was thinking it's only fair that you help make this decision since they'll be sitting at your desk next to your wife. Jim: But you know I wouldn't hire any of these all-stars. Dwight: Aah! God, that sucks! Aah! What are you gonna do? I mean, it's your call. Jim: Nope. Your friends not turning out to be as great as you thought? Not even Gabor? Dwight: I guess I just have higher standards for my work colleagues than for my friends. I just couldn't picture any of them in the old gold and gray. Jim: I knew it. You designed a uniform for Dunder Mifflin. Dwight: Summer. Winter. Jungle. Formal. Jim: Well, I for one, was amazed at how qualified everyone was. You? Dwight: Yes. Thank you. Amazed. Jim: And I gotta say, this was a tough decision. And we had to go with none of you. Sensei Ira: I'm sorry? Dwight: What? This is such bullcrap! Jim: Well, you know, Wallace put me in charge, so you have no say. Dwight: Wow. So much crap. It's just a load of B.C. How could you do this to them? Jim: Too much now. Dwight: Okay. Nate: Do we get our resumes back or do you keep them? Because I only have the one, and I have a chili recipe on the back that I really wanna keep. Dwight: Okay, this is an outrage. Ugh! You know what? This is Jim Halpert's home address, in case you guys wanna toilet paper his house or whatever. Jim: That seems inconsiderate. Rolf: No. We get it. Thanks so much for the opportunity, Dwight. Don't open any suspicious packages you may receive. No, wait. Do open them. Totally safe. Dwight: Guys, it wasn't up to me. Rolf, come on. Guys, it wasn't my choice! I would have hired all of you! Gabor, Gabor. Trevor: Well, my day's sht. Rolf: Yeah, it's that weird hour where it's too late to start a slow roast and too early for a Swanson's. Wolf: I got it. Paintball. Dwight: Oh, that sounds awesome. Can we wait till I get off work? Trevor: [yelling] And what are we supposed to do until then? Dwight: Okay. Wolf: Let's just go, you guys. Rolf: Yeah. No limit on wapon class, right? Jim: All right. I think that went well. Jim: So, uh, if you just take a look at this, and then that'll print out—Hey. Meet your new desk mate. Clark: What's up good lookin'? Pam: Oh, cool. Hey Clark. Jim: Trust me, this is the least of all evils. It took me all day to pull this off, so you should be thrilled, considering. Pam: Yeah, I guess. I mean, I kinda liked my old desk mate. Jim: Okay. I'm really sorry I told the guys I'd be there for the board meeting. Pam: Of course. Jim: I'll call you when I get there. Pam: Okay. Jim: All right. Pam: Bye. Jim: Take care of my wife. I will be back. Dwight: They say that everyone outgrows their friends at some point in their lives. Well I just outgrew them all in the span of three hours. Clark: Hey, Pam, I'm going to the kitchen. You want anything? Pam: I'm good. Dwight: Oh, hey, I'll take a coffee. Clark: Oh, I'm sorry. You gotta be this cool for coffee. Dwight: [scoffs] Pam: Hey, Dwight. Wanna haze the new guy? Dwight: Who, me? Pam: Us. Dwight: Absolutely, I do. [giggles] Pam: Okay. Okay, here. Okay, so the next time he goes to the bathroom, I'll distract him, you take that. Dwight: Okay, yeah, I know what to do. Okay. Oh, that's great. Pam: [shushes] Pam & Dwight: [laughs] Dwight: Aah! Clark: No! Dwight: Welcome to the club, pig! [laughs] Pam: No, Dwight! Dwight: Aah! Jim: No, it does matter who ends up sitting next to Pam when I'm gone. The people around you are basically who you end up spending your life with. I mean, because of where my desk was, I spent all those years looking at Pam, and I fell in love. So, that stuff matters. Definitely does.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x13 - Junior Salesman"}	foreverdreaming
Nellie: Have you seen Darryl? Erin: He's around here somewhere. Nellie: Mmm. [exits, Erin smiles deviously] Erin: Yeah, Darryl's here. So is Santa Claus. It's just a regular Thursday. [checks for anyone around] Neither guy is here. And, it's Friday. Welcome to me and Darryl's world of lies. Erin: Nobody knows it yet, but Darryl already started working in Philly. So now, he has to sneak out of here like the sneakiest little sneaky-sneak you ever saw. And I'm his helper. It's so fun. Erin: [as Darryl descends stairs, Erin ascends carrying a giant teddy bear] Darryl. Meet... bear... ull. Darryl: How much did you pay for that? Erin: Nothing. Won him at the carnival. Spent a ton on tickets, though. Drive safe. Darryl: Everybody knows I go to Philly. I've just been using sick days I saved up. But, Erin was so excited about being sneaky-sneaks, I went along with it. Erin: [exiting Darryl's office] Ha, ha, ha! Darryl, you are too much! [to Phyllis] That guy's hilarious. He's here today. [giant teddy bear is viewed in Darryl's office] Pam: I've really been putting in the hours on this mural. And my boss is totally OK with it, because he's in the Bahamas and has no clue what anybody is doing. I'm usually very self-critical. I hate what I paint. But, I don't know, this time I feel like it's, um, it's really coming together... [sees mural] Oh my god! [camera pans to mural with butts painted over it] Wha? You've gotta be kidding me! What it... are those... are those butts? [to warehouse crew] Huh? No way. No way! Angela: Excuse me, everyone. Is it OK if I leave early from work today? It's Phillip's first birthday and the senator and I are hosting a party at our house. Erin: Aw, cute! So there'll be a bunch of kids. Angela: No. No children. Our house is not kid-friendly. Most of our furniture is sharp. Also, ew. It will mostly be campaign donors. Kevin: Angela, I am prepared to donate a whopping... [pulls cash from wallet] 8 dollars to Lipton For America to have an invitation... Angela: No, no, please. You know, actually, none of you could even really make the cut for this thing. Which I am so sad about. Oscar: [undertone] Angela. You're going to find out, so I thought I'd let you know that, uh, Robert invited me too. Angela: What? Oscar: He said he wanted me there for support. Angela: I'm his! His... wife. Oscar: Angela's husband and I are in love. But, as a politician in this town, you still need the conventional blonde wife on your lawn signs. He is risking everything to have me there today. [laughs] Me. Angela: [on phone with Robert] We agreed that you wouldn't be seen with him in public. It's humiliating for me. Well, if you get to bring a stud, maybe I do too. Jim: [in Darryl and Jim's Philly apartment] Hey. Darryl: Hey. Jim: We are splitting a sublet on a place near Philly. Darryl: Just a couple of grown, sexy-ass roommates. Jim: And, as much as I miss Pam and the kids, it's, uh, kinda nice to live the bachelor life again. You know, let your hair down. Darryl: Jim was nice enough to give me his bedroom. Jim: I'm couching it! Darryl: Which usually means there's clothes all over the living room. Jim: And this dude labels his food. He's the clean one. And, I'm the messy one. How much fun is this? Darryl: I love Jim. I love that he hooked me up with a job. It's just, he uses old t-shirts as wash rags. He doesn't wash his dishes. Apparently, they need to [quote-unquote fingers] soak... He hooked me up with a job. Pam: [ascends on lift, using megaphone] Attention, everyone. Can I have your attention, please? Yeah, I don't know everybody's name down here, but whoever did this will you please raise your hand. [no one replies] Hello? This is not over. OK? I will stay up here all day if I have to. Is that what you want? [descends on lift] Yeah, I will also come down if I want to. It's my choice. Pam: I don't demand justice often. I'm not like Angela, who calls a lawyer every time someone watches a YouTube video of animals doing it. But, someone should get fired over this, right? Val's no help. Andy's gone. Jim's out. I just feel like I'm on my own here. [boom microphone bumps her head, she smiles] I mean, OK, not completely on my own. But, in terms of people who can do something. Thank you, Brian. Jim: Hey. So, Wade wants to send people to the Sloan conference. We gotta compile a list of our target clients. Darryl: Already on it. I ordered them by their Google trend ranking so we know who to ht first. Jim: [to camera] Who is this guy? We are klling it. Darryl: Yes sir. [notices Jim's using his coffee mug] Jim: Yeah! Pam: [entering office] Conference room. Everybody. Now! Dwight: You don't have the clearance to call a conference room meeting. Pam: Yes, but David Wallace does. And he asked me to gather everyone to talk about stuff... That's gonna be revealed once we're in the conference room for the meeting. Dwight: You're telling me, David Wallace asked you to call a super secret, classified conference room meeting? Pam: Yeah. Dwight: Let's go everyone. Super secret, classified conference room meeting, now! Pam: [to everyone in conference room] I have terrible news. Someone defaced my mural. They painted all over it. Erin: I thought that's what you were doing. Pam: Yeah, but this is different. Erin: Oh. They used worse paint than your paint? Pam: I don't think so, but they put paint where I didn't want paint. So... Erin: I thought you wanted paint on the whole thing. Pam: Different colored paint. I wanted different colored paint in the spots where they put their paint. So, it just is... OK, the point is, these warehouse guys are vandals. And, they need to be stopped. Meredith: Yeah, and somebody had the balls to put my phone number on the men's room wall. Which is so messed up. It's 6782 not 83. Creed: Uh, 6783's also a good time. Less mileage. Oscar: Pam, what can be done? Pam: Yes. Thank you. Let's answer that question. Oscar: I was politely saying nothing can be done. I thought I was clear. Pam: What? Come on guys. We need to figure out who did this and punish them. This isn't just about me. This is about all of us. This is our mural. Don't you see? How much we worked on this? How much time and energy? We put our heart and soul into this thing. Phyllis: David Wallace called this meeting? Pam: Sure did. I was as surprised as you, but apparently, he is very passionate about public art. Pam: [as everyone begin to leave] No, no. Come on, guys. Don't go. Dwight: Pam, I'll help you. Pam: You will? Dwight: If there's anything I hate worse than art, it's crime. Pam: Thank you. Nellie: I am in too, Pam. Pam: Yeah? Nellie: Yes, of course. I believe in you. I believe in your art. And I am bored. Pam: Great. Pam: I was hoping for a righteous mob, and I ended up with Dwight and Nellie. But, they both have a mob mentality. And, I'm pretty sure Dwight has a pitchfork in his car. Dwight: [enters quickly] You need my pitchfork? Angela: [approaches Dwight as he leaves] Hey! Dwight: What is it? I have vengeance to exact. Angela: Exciting news. There's room for one more at my son's birthday event. And, I want you. Dwight: Ah, I'm not interested. Angela: What? Wait. The state transportation secretary will be there. You could sell your beet salt idea to the highway people. Dwight: If I get the deicing gig, it's not gonna be on merit. Not because I played politics. [exits] Kevin: Hey. So, a little birdie just told me that Dwight can't come to your son's birthday. So, do you want me to go with you? Angela: No. Kevin: OK. I understand. I'll just stay here, then. Alone with the money. Angela: Aw, crap. Dwight: [in warehouse] I am handing out pieces of paper. On which, you will draw one human butt. What I do with said drawings, is no one's business but my own. Frank: You're gonna to compare 'um to the butts up there. [gestures mural] Dwight: Incorrect. It is my fetish. Oh, also, sign them. My fetish is signed drawings of butts. Glenn: I'm not drawing a butt. Nellie: All right then, they're bottoms. Uh, we should ask you to do big, rounded Ws. Dwight: Yes. Or nipplous breasts. Perhaps. Val: OK, OK. I think it's time to get back to work. Come on, fellas. Let's go. Dwight: Or melons. Like cantaloups. With the halves are cut off. And then, just the bottom parts... Nellie: Well, this is getting us nowhere. Pam: We need another approach. Um, we need to fine the weakest one and separate him from the group. [they notice Nate struggling with a box] Yeah. I think if we could get Nate alone, we could crack him. Dwight: We just need a pretense to talk to him. We could tell him that his mother is dying. That usually works on him. [holds up phone] Nate. Your mother is dying. [Nate reacts with grief] Pam: See, I feel bad about that. Dwight: It's all right. It's all right. Nate: So, she's gonna pull through again? [all nod] That's great. Can I talk to her? Dwight: No. She needs her rest again. Nellie: Now listen. Now that we have got you here, let's talk about this mural business. Dwight: You know who the vandal is. Now, I know a lot of these warehouse guys are your friends, but we've got chewing gum. Nate: Gum's gotten mintier lately. Have you noticed? Like, some of it's just too minty. It's like they're literally trying to hurt... Pam: [interrupting] Tell us who defaced the mural! Nate: [points at Warehouse Worker Frank] He did it. Pam: All right. You can go. Give him his gum. Dwight: There's no gum. There never was any gum. Nate: [leaving] That's really rude. Kevin: [at Phillip's party] Opening with pub pastries? That's a bold play. They're saying, it's only gonna get better from here? Good luck. Oscar: [noticing a portrait of Angela on the wall] That painting is just... How can anyone that weighs less than a guinea hen be so terrifying? Party Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Senator and Angela Lipton. [guests applaud] Senator: Thanks, everybody. Thanks for coming. Phillip had no idea he was so popular. Angela: [laughs] Oh, Robert, you're horrible. [to other guests] Simon, Maxine. [sarcastically] Who let you guys in here? Athlead Employee: [points to Jim and Darryl] This is the team. Jim: Nice job, man. Darryl: You too... Darryl. Jim: [confused] What? [Darryl points at his thermos Jim has been using] Oh, man! I'm sorry about that. Darryl: It's cool. Reading's tricky sometimes. Jim: Oh, um... Are you really mad about this? Darryl: That's my go-to thermos. That's all. Jim: Oh. It's your go-to therm. Oh, man. That's a bummer. I'm sorry about that. Darryl: No big deal. No big deal. Jim: No, no. If it's a big deal, it's a big deal. Darryl: Nah, nah... Jim: No big deal. Darryl: [as Jim empties thermos into trash] Nah, nah, nah. You don't have to do that. Jim: Honestly, I don't mind. [long, awkward pause until thermos is empty] Did you want me to wash it for you or... Darryl: I don't know. You gonna wash it? Or you gonna let it soak? Jim: [after tense pause] OK. Here ya go. [roughly hands Darryl his thermos] Darryl: Thank you. Nellie: So, Frank. Do you have any thoughts about what was done? By you? Pam: [to Nellie] Maybe, maybe I could, could get the ball rolling. [Nellie nods] Um, Frank? Hi. Pam. Um, I am so sorry if I've done anything to offend you. I'm sure it isn't easy for you guys to have an upstairs person coming down in your space. So. Truly. If, if, I apologize. But enough about me. Your turn. Toby: [Warehouse Worker Frank remains silent, picks ear] You sort of deserve an apology here. Frank? Frank: I'm sorry I didn't like your crappy doodles. I drew a butt. Big deal. Butts are funny. Pam: Well, I didn't think that butt was funny. Frank: Well, maybe if you got the stick out of yours. Pam: What was that? Frank: You know what? You people can't fre me. So, screw you. [exits] Pam: Whoa! Hey! That is not OK. What are you gonna do about that? Toby: Uh... it... compliment... Nellie: The first 'sorry' sounded sincere. Toby: There were two or three 'sorry's in there. [mumbles along with Nellie] Pam: That sucked. He didn't apologize. There's no talking to that guy. Dwight: Oh, your little feelings party didn't work out? Huh? Who won the hugging contest? Oh, let me guess. Everyone tied for first. Pam: We should just take him down. Dwight: Wait. Are you saying... Pam: I'm saying we should go scorched earth on that guy's face. Dwight: Normally, I find Pam to be a comforting, if unarousing, presence around the office. Like a well-watered fern. But, today, she has tapped into this vengeful, violent side. And I'm like, wow, Pam has kind of a good butt. Dwight: He messed with something that was important to you. We need to mess with something that's important to him. Pam: Yes! Dwight: A little eye for an eye action. Pam: Yes! Dwight: Go all Hammurabi on this clown. Pam: We need an infiltrator. Dwight: I know just the man for the job. [looks at Clark] Pam: Clark? Dwight: He even looks like a mole. Oscar: One of his tee shts can wipe out a whole owl population. Party Guest: You two seem very close. Senator: Yes. We're good friends. Good friends. Oscar: Yeah. Senator: You know, I suppose that may ruffle a few feathers. For a long time, our party has turned it's back on the Hispanic people. Well, that is not who I am. [puts arms around Oscar] I am a friend of the Latino community. And if you ask me, it's time we bid bigotry hasta luego. [guests laugh] Now, does my embrace of Hispanics make me more electable? Given demographic trends? I don't know. And I don't care. What I care about is Oscar. [slaps Oscar's cheek] My friend. Mi amigo. Oscar. [guests applaud as he hugs Oscar] Oscar: Maybe I should be insulted that he only invited me here to be his token Mexican friend. But, he could of invited any number of Hispanics that he knows. His gardener, Rogelio. Or he could've invited... Rogelio. But, he chose me. Rogelio's Malaysian... The son of a bitch is Malaysian. Darryl: Oh, hey. Jim: Hey. Darryl: I usually watch TV during my lunch breaks. It's cool? Jim: Yeah. Totally. Darryl: All right. Jim: [after Darryl eyes him drinking from a thermos] It's mine. Don't worry. Darryl: I didn't say anything. Jim: I don't think you had to. Darryl: Excuse me? Jim: I think you might be going a little crazy with this labeling thing, man. I mean, you put your name on a five pound bag of flour. Are you honestly saying that if I needed flour I couldn't use that? Darryl: What you need flour for, Jim? Jim: That's not the point. Darryl: What? You making bread? Jim: No, I'm not making bread. Darryl: What kind of bread you making? Pumpernickel? Jim: Darryl, it doesn't matter. I think you know the point I'm trying to make. Darryl: All right, I'm being a jerk. You got me this job. I should be grateful. I am, I just... you know, I get finicky about my stuff. That's all. Jim: It's all good. Are we all good? Darryl: We good. Jim: What's that cooler? Darryl: Nothing. [pulls out a can of soda] It's mine. [Jim shakes his head] [after looking through DVR] What happened to my Tavis Smileys? Jim: Oh, crap. Were those yours? Dwight: [pulling Clark across the parking lot] I never want to see you working in the upstairs office again. Do you hear me? Clark: Well, my only crime was loving the local sports teams and trying to be one of the guys. Dwight: Silence. You'll now be working in the warehouse with the untouchables. Now, go make your hands rough with work. Clark: OK, boss. [quietly] Pam, you know this is ridiculous, right? Like you're smarter than this. Pam: Shh, shh. Clark: This is never gonna work. Pam: Shh. Remember your lines. Clark: What lines? Dwight: Go move some paper! Pam: [to Darryl on phone] Hey, you know that guy Frank who works in the warehouse? Darryl: He's not my hire, but I know who he is. Pam: OK. What does he like? What's important to him? Does he have like a favorite pair of boots or a lunch box or... Darryl: What? Is he retiring? You getting him a gift or something? Pam: Yeah, something like that. Darryl: I know he loves his pick up truck. Pam: Oh, great! [to Dwight] His truck! Dwight: Great. Get the plate number. Pam: OK. [to Darryl] Do you know the plate... never mind. Why would you know that? And why would I be asking that? Dwight: So we know which truck to van... Darryl: Hey. While I got you on the phone, your husband's like a sloppy, homeless hobo. Can you fix that? Pam: Yeah. I was kinda hoping you could. I gotta go. Bye. [to Dwight] Come on. [camera pans to Clark duct taped to a chair] Party Photographer: Hold on a second. Uh, Sandeep? Let's get you closer to the senator. Just about there. Great. And, Oscar? I'm gonna need you to step a little closer to the senator, as well. Somewhere there. Angela: He's blocking me. Senator: It's only a photo, honey. Party Photographer: [to party waiter] Excuse me, uh, what's your name? Party Waiter: Sean. Party Photographer: LaShawn. Great. You wanna be in a photo? Right this way. [notices overweight man following] Not you. No. Oscar: He put me here. Angela: He put you right in front of me? Party Photographer: Let's just wheel Margaret right in front... Oscar: Ow! Robert?! Senator: Angela. Party Photographer: Smile. [Angela attempts to get in front of Oscar as pictures are taken] Pam: I'm done. What are you... Is that supposed to be my mural? Dwight: Yeah. Frank draws a butt on your mural, I'm drawing your mural on Frank's truck's butt. Eye for an eye, mamacita. Pam: Aw, Dwight. That's really sweet. Dwight: Let's see yours. Pam: Oh, no. Um, I, I'm embarrassed. It's stupid. Dwight: This is amazing! Frank! And he's leaving a trail of poops? Pam: Yeah. And he has saggy boobs. Dwight: I saw that. That's great! Pam: Yeah. I feel better. Dwight: Good. I'm glad you feel better. This has been a wonderful day. I have to say, I like hanging out with a vengeful bitch. Pam: I know. You miss Angela, don't you? Dwight: Ugh! Don't sympathize. You're ruining the mood. Back to work. Draw his penis. Pam: I got back at Frank in the most fitting way possible. With my art. The paints are water-based. It's gonna come off with a hose. But, I think the lesson will last a very... Frank: [exiting building and approaching Pam] Lady! My truck? You had no right! Pam:No, you had no right! Frank: It's a $40,000 truck! Pam: So? You started it! Frank: So? So someone need to shut you up! [attempts to attck Pam] Brian: Hey, hey, hey! [knocks Frank down with boom microphone] Pam: Whoa. Brian: [as Frank gets up] Easy! [Frank grabs him] Frank: You son of a bitch! Brian: You're gonna ht a woman? Senator: Thanks so much for coming. Thanks so much. [to Oscar and Angela] Well. Have we all calmed down yet? Oscar: Yes. Sorry about that. Angela: It was all my fault. Senator: Let's all try to do better next time. Kevin, great to see you. Kevin: Yeah. Thank you for the food. Oh, and also, you suck. Senator: I beg your pardon. Kevin: You are like a terrible person. These guys care about you and you're just using them. Again, the food was very good. [Oscar and Angela exit looking pleased] Pam: Well, I'm gonna say something to the producers. Brian: No. No, it's... Pam: You shouldn't be fired. I mean, you were just protecting me. Brian: It's all good. I knew what I was doing. It's... I'm sorry about your mural, though. I mean, because you put so much into that. Pam: Forget about my mural. It's stupid. Brian: No. You, you worked hard on that. That guy's an animal. I'm glad they're f*ring him too. Pam: It's crazy. Brian, I'm so sorry. Brian: Look. I don't, I don't wanna put myself where I don't belong. If you ever need me, you just call me. And I'll be there for you. Pam: Thanks, Brian. Brian: Seeya. Jim: Wow. This whole Philly thing has been so much fun that I may have lost sight of what really matters. I mean, having fun is not nearly as important as being good to the people who you really care about. I mean, that's just 'Roommates 101'. Darryl: [playing video game with Jim] Oh. Come on! Jim: Oh. Oh! Darryl: Damn! Jim: [imitating game announcer] You win. [Darryl throws empty can on floor] How good did that feel? Darryl: That felt really good, actually.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x14 - Vandalism"}	foreverdreaming
Pam: [to Jim] Hey. I feel so lucky we're in the same city for Valentine's Day. Jim: It's like magic. Or, it's like me getting on my hands and knees and begging my partners to switch a Tuesday for a Thursday. Pam: [makes magic trick hand gesture] Alakazam! Jim: By the way, they do need an extra day next week. Pam: And, poof! He disappears. [Jim snaps, playing along] Erin: [to Pete] Hey! Wanna play hookey today? Pete: Oh, maybe. What do you have in mind? Erin: We can do anything you want. Erin: I really wanna have fun today because tomorrow is going to be a nightmare. Andy's coming back from his stupid, dumb boat trip. He's been rude. He's been selfish. I think he's a big jerk. And I'm breaking up with him. Bam, Andy! How do you like me now?... I hope as a friend. Pete: Erin says she's gonna break up with Andy, but I'm not sure. He's coming back tomorrow and surprise, today, she wants to do whatever I'd like. You know, when I was a kid, we had a dog who go real sick and we had to 'send him to a farm'. And on his last day, we did everything he loved. Erin: [has an idea and reveals a frisbee from under her desk] Wanna play catch in the parking lot? Pete: [slightly surprised] Sure. Erin: Great. Pete: I'll get my coat. Erin: Perfect. [Pete walks away eying the camera knowingly] Dwight: [knocks on Andy's door, then pretends to answer as Andy] Come in. Dwight: [talking to Andy's empty chair] Andy, hi. I just made another huge sale for the company that you manage. I need you to authorize that expense report and sign off on that contract. Dwight: [pretending to be Andy] I would be happy to. It would be my pleasure, Mr. Schrute. Rick-a-dick-doo, rick-a-dick-dick-dick, rick-a-dick-doo. Dwight: I really like Andy these days. He's pretend and he does exactly as I tell him to. All that will change when real Andy comes back tomorrow. [thinks for a moment] Unless he comes back as pretend Dwight. In which case, we're in for an epic, confusing showdown. Kevin: Andy left a carton of milk in the fridge. So, I've been sneaking a little bit every day for the last three months. It's been yummy. But now, Andy's coming back. So, I guess it's goodbye chunky, lemon milk. Kevin: [to entire office]OK, I'll say it. I wish Andy had stayed on his trip. Nellie: I say we all have one last fun boss-less day. Meredith: Yeah, let's get some booze and some cocaine and just blow it out. No consequences. Phyllis: Or the mini mall. They have all these Valentine Day deals. You can get 20% off if you come in with your husband or your [to Nellie] boyfriend. But, I mean, if you don't have one of those you can probably just bring whoever it is you use to kll your loneliness. Stanley: Phil, I'll pretend to be your husband. I'm already sick of you, so it'll seem realistic. Phyllis: Oh... Angela: They have a nail salon there where I get my feet detailed. [to Meredith] They use a watch repair kit. Kevin: [to Angela] Ew! I'll be your foot buddy. Nellie: Everyone, it is our last day here with no manager. I say we go to the mini mall. Clark, you will be my fake boyfriend so I can get the discount. Clark: It's what I do. [everyone begins to leave] Oscar: Darryl, everyone seems to be pairing off. Do you want to pretend to be a couple so we get the... Darryl: No... yes, yes. Why wouldn't I... wanna pretend to be gay? Got no problem with that. Oscar: All right, it'll be easy. Don't be nervous, just follow my... Darryl: [interrupting] Stop talking 'bout it. I said I'm fine with it. Pam: [eating] These are gross. Jim: They are terrible. Pam: Oh, hey, don't fill up on chocolates. I made us a lunch reservation at State Street Grill. Jim: Oh my god. That's so romantic. Pam: It's with Brian and Alyssa. Jim: Oh my god. That's less romantic. Pam: I know. But we should go. We need to thank him for, you know, saving my life. Jim: Yeah, yeah. No, totally. That's good. So, should we just get a bottle of wine later and celebrate? Pam: That sounds nice. Jim: I'm very excited to see Brian. Brian's a great guy. And Pam and I have gotten really close to he and his wife, Alyssa over the years. And he got fired for protecting my wife from a jerk in the warehouse. I'm sorry, but you know him. He's a good guy. Nail stylist 1: Oh, tiny, poor lady is back. Oh, get the baby clipper. [other nails stylists gush over Angela] Nail stylist 2: [to Clark] You take off your glasses. Clark: 'Kay. [removes glasses] Nellie: [nail stylist 2 giggles] What? Nail stylist 2: Your boyfriend. He look like a pretty girl. Nellie: My boyfriend does look like a pretty girl, doesn't he? Yes, a very little pretty girl. And you know what, now that you are developing, we should go and get you a training bra. [both laugh at Clark] Clark: Oh, you guys think this is funny? You know what? No more discount. [to nail manager] Excuse me. [gesturing he and Nellie] Full price. We're not together. Nellie: Oh, come on! Clark: She's living a lie. Nellie: Turns out, I can't even be in a pretend relationship. Oscar: [to nail manager] Hi. We'd like a couples discount on a pair of foot massages. Nail manager: No. No discount for two men. Two men are not a couple. Oscar: We are together. Romantically. Nail manager: Two men? [other nail stylist speaks Korean to manager, both laugh] [gestures index fingers bumping together] Doesn't work. No discount. Darryl: Oh, it works. Him and me, all right, we are crazy in love. More love than your small mind can comprehend. And we have two disposable incomes. And no kids. And we're taking our business elsewhere. [Oscar and Darryl exit holding hands] Jim: [enters restaurant with Pam] Hey, Brian. Brian: Hey. Pam: Sorry we're late. Brian: Oh, uh, no problem. I finished all the bread. Pam: Ha,ha,ha, yeah OK. Jim: What? Pam: He's on a no carb thing. Supposedly. Jim: Oh. Brian: It's, uh, great to see you guys. Thanks for coming. Pam: Yeah. Jim: Are you kidding? Thank you, man. I mean, I've wanted the opportunity to say thanks for... everything. And I'm really sorry about the job. That just seems crazy. Brian: It's fine. What are you gonna do, you know? But, if you guys know of any work, I'm fully available. Pam: Well, my dad can't hear a thing. You could boom his whole life for him. Brian: That's... OK, great. Does he pay well? Pam: Where's Alyssa? Brian: Uh, yeah. Um, you know, Alyssa's, she's not gonna make it today. Pam: Oh. Brian: Actually, we're not gonna make it. Um... we're splitting up. Dwight: [to Andy's empty chair] I have yet another sales order for you to sign. Dwight: [acting as Andy] Why thank you Mr. Schrute. I don't know how you do it. You're a god. Rick-a-dick-dick-doo. Andy: [in his office doorway, bearded and unkept] Hi Dwight. Dwight: You're back. [surveys Andy] And you're disgusting. Phyllis: [as everyone returns to the office] Ah, geez. My nails aren't dry yet. I don't think I can work for at least a couple hours. Andy: Well, well, well, look who it is. Phyllis: Andy. Andy: I guess I can cancel my order from Zappos.com because, oh, the loafers have arrived. Erin: Andy! Andy: Hey! Sweetheart! [approaches Erin] I have missed you so much. Erin: [obviously avoiding Andy's embrace] Yes. [gives Andy high fives] Welcome back, buddy. Andy: [attempting to hug Erin as she resists] I have been dreaming of this moment. Erin: Me too. So much. I'm so happy. Erin: I am really, really bad at break ups. Technically, I'm still dating my first grade boyfriend. I mean, we just had our 20th anniversary. And, I forgot to get him something. Oscar: What happened? We thought you were coming back tomorrow. Andy: Well, Valentine's surprise for Erin. Hello? Super romantic. And I got you something. [removes wooden instruments from bag] Oh, it's a couple of pieces of bamboo. Big deal, right? No. These are musical instruments. It's so we can play island music together. Cause I have this. [removes güiro and begins playing and singing] Clop the cloppers. Yeah, clop 'em. It's called Bembe. [sings while Kevin echoes] Dwight: Hey, Burning Man, if it's not selling out too much, you might want to throw on a tie. David Wallace is gonna be here in an hour. Andy: Obviously, that's why I'm here. I mean, I came back early to surprise Erin. Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart. [tries to embrace Erin but she begins playing cloppers] But, I'm just saying, I'm also excited about the Wallace meeting. Clark: Why? Isn't he just coming in to rip you a new one for being gone three months? Dwight: No. Please. Come on, Clark. Wallace knows that he's been gone for the last three months. [Andy stalls] Right? Wallace does know that you've been gone for the last three months? Andy: I have no idea. I don't know what he knows or doesn't know. But we've been in touch the whole time. I mean, it's not hard to get high-speed internet in Turks de Caicos, people. It's in every Bembe cafe. Erin: He only emailed me four times. Andy: Question. Where's Jim? Phyllis: He and Pam are having their Valentine's Day lunch. Andy: For two hours? Really? Oscar: So, you're concerned about peoples' long absence from their place of work? Andy: If the shoe fits. [plays güiro and sings, Kevin echoes] Brian: We were telling two different versions of the same story. And then, everything just went numb. Jim: Well, I mean, that's OK. It doesn't mean that it's over. Right? I mean, couples fight. Brian: Yeah. That's the thing. When we were fighting, it weirdly felt like the relationship was still alive. And, it wasn't until we stopped fighting that, we realized that it was over. You know, it's over. [overcome by emotion] I'm sorry, this is... oh my god, OK. [to Pam] We have to stop seeing each other like this. We have to find a different way to communicate other than breaking down in front of each other. Pam: [obviously flustered] Yeah. Jim: What? Brian: At least my crying won't get you fired. Jim: Crying? Andy: I noticed that you landed the Scranton White Pages account. That is tremendous. Dwight: Thank you. Andy: And you sold it to Jan too. Dwight: Yes! Andy: I mean... I'm impressed. Dwight: [laughing together] Yeah! Andy: Well, there's one problem. Couldn't help but notice that you offered a price point that was not approved by the head office. So... gotta run that stuff by me, Dwight. Dwight: You were on a boat. Andy: I was... Dwight: On a boat. Andy:That... Dwight: In the ocean. Andy: OK. The issue is that you need to run this stuff by me. Coolio? Are we coolio? [Dwight resists] Just say the word 'coolio'. Dwight: I'm not gonna say it. Andy: Say it. Dwight: Not a word. Andy: Coolio. Dwight: No! [Andy makes a call] What do you think you're doing? Andy: Just gonna call the Scranton White Pages and clear this right up. Dwight: Don't you dare! Andy! Jan: [on phone] Hello? Andy: Hey, Jan. Nard dog here. Jan: Oh, Andy. Andy: I was just looking over the paperwork. I found a little hiccup. Jan: Really? Andy: Yeah. It appears my employee offered you a price that he was not authorized to. Jan: Hmm. Dwight: [whispers] Coolio. Jan: Seriously? You're calling me a few weeks after finalizing our contract to gouge me now for more money? Is that what you're doing? Dwight: Coolio. Coolio. Andy: No. No, no, no Jan I think you misunderstood. Jan: Yeah. Dwight: Coolio. Andy: It, it's, it's actually just an issue... Jan: You know what? You know what, uh, Nard dog? There is an option in the contract that allows me to back out within 30 days of signing. So, I would like to exercise that option. Dwight: No, Jan! Please do not listen to this boob! Remember Clark. He gave you everything. Everything. Andy: Jan, I don't know what he's talking about but... Jan: Tell Angela to send me a final invoice. Andy: Well, ah, ah... Dwight: Please Ja, Ja... [Jan hangs up] Andy: Aw! That was not how I had hoped that would go. Andy: [approaching Accounting] Hey, everybody, great job. [to Angela] Listen, we're a smidge behind on my paychecks. Angela: Yes, well, as you know, we get paid on Fridays. And you haven't been here for 12 Fridays. [hands Andy a folder] Andy: All right. Thank you very much. [examines checks] Looking good. [after noticing something on Angela's desk] Who's that little fella? Angela: It's a bonus check. For you. From Wallace. Because the branch exceeded it's targets over the past quarter. Andy: Wow, that's wonderful! Oscar: A quarter's three months. That's how long you've been gone. Andy: Uh-huh. Angela: Uh-huh. Andy: Uh-huh... [after awkward pause] Uh-huh. [Angela hands him the bonus check] Thank you. Great. Well, we're all up to speed. Dwight: Two seconds of the turd dog and he loses the biggest sale this branch has ever seen. Clark: [emotional] Do you have any idea what I had to do to get that sale from Jan? I mean, I went all out. All out. I mean like everything was out the whole week. Kevin: He just waltzes back in here like he owns the chunky, lemon milk. Who needs him, right? Dwight: God! I just don't know what we'd do. I mean, short of telling David Wallace that he was gone for three months. Dwight: I'd like to rat out Andy. Unfortunately, I have a bit of a boy-who-cried-wolf dynamic with David Wallace. Except, instead of a boy, I'm a man. And instead of a wolf, I cried genetically-engineered monster wolf. Nellie: I'm not going to rat on him. No, Andy gave me a second chance. So, the least I could do is let somebody else rat on him. Meredith, why don't you? Meredith: Meredith Palmer ain't never been called no nark. Floozy? Yes. Alkie? Check. Einstein sarcastically? You bet. But never no nark. Vomit mop? Sure. Floor meat? That's me. Flesh hoover? Erin: Hey! Pete: Meredith, that's plenty. All right? That's more than plenty. Why does no one stop her? Erin: Guys. I know that a lot of people are mad at Andy and, believe me, I am too. But, he has been through a lot and we all used to love him, right? So, if he's gonna get in trouble, just let it be his fault not ours. I don't want that on my hands. Dwight: Fine! The state he's in, Wallace will take one look at him and probably fre him anyway. Andy: [appears approaching group, shaved and in a suit] What's going on in here, dirty players? Let's get back to busting some paper rhymes. Come on. [singing] Who's that girl? Who's that girl? It's Andy! [resumes talking] All right. Back to work. Pam: OK, I can tell you're mad at me. Do you wanna just, um, I don't know, tell me why? Jim: I don't know. I thought that was a little weird. You told me Brian got fired for the whole warehouse thing. And you intentionally left out a kind of major, intimate detail. I don't know, Pam, I guess I just feel like a chump. Who knows less about his marriage than the sound guy. Pam: I didn't tell you about the crying because I didn't want you to know how upset I was. Because it would've stressed you out and you're always saying how much you don't want more stress. Jim: Yeah, well. Yeah, OK. Well, then thank you. Thanks to both of you. Pam: It's not Brian's fault. Jim: No, you're right. And, and I'm not mad at Brian. And to be honest, I probably don't have any reason to be mad at all because I wasn't there. So, let's just forget about it. Pam: OK. Andy: I need you guys to tell me all the highlights from the last three months in case David asks. Just a few things I could sprinkle into conversation. Any big sales or office gossip. Dwight: Well, we had the Scranton White Pages. Andy: Not helpful. Let's stay positive, people. OK? David Wallace: [enters] Hey guys. Andy: Hey! David! How are ya? Ah, we were just having our weekly round table where we motivate each other. Not gonna lie, I get as much out of it as they do. David Wallace: Sounds great. Don't let me interrupt. What ever you guys have been doing this last quarter, I couldn't be happier with the numbers. Andy: Thank you. David Wallace: Well, finish up. I'm gonna meet with Val about that warehouse guy you had to let go and you and I will talk in 15 minutes? Andy: Great! David Wallace: [leaving] Great job, everybody! Andy: [whispering] We had to let a warehouse guy go?! Kevin: You know Pam's mural? Well, Frank... Dwight: [interrupting] ... lit the whole thing on fre. It was crazy. Andy: What?! Dwight: Yeah. Andy: There was a fre in the warehouse? Dwight: The whole thing is in ashes. fre department was here. It was in all the papers. Kevin: Whoa. Andy: This is what I'm talking about! This would be good to know. All right, what else? Phyllis: We started selling balloons. Andy: What?! Clark: Yeah. And, uh, Kathy Ireland signed on as the official spokes-babe of Dunder-Mifflin. Andy: No kidding? Clark: Yeah. In the European billboards, she's gonna be topless. Andy: Wow. Go Kathy. She's like 50. Clark: They're tasteful. Andy: Good, good. What else? Andy: Who knew the balloon game would be so lucrative? And thank god, right? We needed the income after the fre. David Wallace: What fre? Andy: The warehouse fre. Weren't you just down there? It's like burnt to ashes. David Wallace: It looked fine to me. Andy: [catches on to the ruse] I am speaking metaphorically, of course. You know I have lots of irons in quote-unquote fre. Well, that's one of them. You know, making sure that the warehouse logistics is a well-oiled, properly-stoked fre. David Wallace: OK. Andy: I think you'll agree I explained that pretty well. David Wallace: [preparing to leave] Thanks, Andy. Andy: Thank you. David Wallace: All right. Everyone! [waves to office and exits] Erin: [enters Andy's office to find him playing güiro] Fish sounds great. Andy: Yeah, I guess. Erin: Really playing the scales, huh? Andy: Yeah, it just sort of sounds like noise to me now. You think I need a new fish? Erin: I don't love you anymore. Andy: What? Erin: I still like you, but you were gone a really long time. And, you didn't really email me all that much. You retweeted me, a lot to be fair. But I don't love you. Andy: OK, I get it. You're unhappy. I've been gone a long time and we lost a little bit of juju. But, you and me, we have a future. There is a lot of love here. Erin: I just said there isn't love. Andy: On your side. But there's tons on my side. It's gushing. We're just out of sync right now. But that's just timing, it's timing. I mean, my parents lasted 38, 40 years. They were never happy at the same time. Erin: I guess. Andy: I mean, what do we have left? 35, maybe 40 years? If we're lucky. I mean, I have spent a lot of time in the sun. Erin: You got really sunburned. Andy: I'm gonna be a prune in like, 3 years. Erin: Ugh. Andy: I know you may not be feeling love for me right now but, if you fake it, I won't be able to tell the difference. So, I'll feel good. And then, eventually, maybe, you'll actually start to love me again. Erin: You really think we can get that back? Andy: Yes. [hugs Erin] Come on. Totally. Jim: You know what? Maybe we should cancel that bottle of wine tonight. Pam: Oh? Jim: Yeah. I just feel like I got a bunch of stuff to do in Philly and I'm sure you have stuff to do. So we can just... I don't know, drop me at the bus station? Pam: Are you sure? Jim: I just feel like we're gonna fight. Pam: [obviously hurt] Yeah. Jim: So... how 'bout let's not? Pam: OK. [they begin to leave] Jim: Oh, um. [pulls item from bag and hands to Pam] Happy Valentine's Day. Sorry, I didn't have time to wrap it. Pam: [sees it's a drawing of hers, framed] Wow. I didn't know you kept this. Jim: Yeah, yeah. Pam: Thank you. Jim: No problem. Pam: I don't think you should go to Philly tonight. I think that you should stay and I think we should fight. Jim: You really wanna fight on Valentine's Day? Pam: Yeah, I do. Jim: OK. All right, put your dukes up, Beesly. Erin: Hi. Pete: Hey, you OK? Erin: I couldn't do it. Pete: Oh. Erin: I'm sorry. Pete: Oh, you don't have to apologize. I just... I just want you to be happy. OK? [Erin smiles and kisses Pete] Erin: [bursts into Andy's office] We're breaking up. And just so you know, I was worried that you were d*ad. You were gone for three months. David Wallace: [on phone] Hey, Andy. It's David. Still here. What was that about three months?	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x15 - Couples Discount"}	foreverdreaming
David Wallace: ...No, you lied to me Andy. You pretended to be in this office for three months and you were sailing on your boat! Andy: I resent that. I, I never lied to you. David: Really? [reading from phone] "Hey David, all is good in Scranton PA." Andy: And all was good in Scranton PA that day. David: "By the way, Oscar says 'hi'" Andy: Oscar says "hi" all the time. He says all kinds of greetings. "Hi" "Hello" "Hola" You're telling me you've never heard Oscar say "hi"? David: Andy. Andy: But you're calling me a liar. David: Andy! Andy: By the way, that reminds me, I want to ask you about some of the lies you've been telling lately. David: Watch it Andy! Andy: Oh, here we go, January seventh 2013. [Reading from phone] "Hey Andy, all's well. Been meaning to make it down there but my wife's sick." Well, which is it?! Is all well or is your wife sick?! BUSTED! David: My wife? Andy: This has been a really tough time. David: Yeah? Andy: Yeah. David: Has it? Andy: Erin just dumped me and I can't remember any of the aha moments I had on the boat, and I know it sounds weird to say but I really miss my beard. David: Shh. Andy: It was like a security blan- David: Andy. Andy: -ket David: Shh. I'm not gonna fre you. Andy: You're not? David: No. Andy: That's awesome. David: I wouldn't own the company if it wasn't for you. So...I owe you that. Andy: David, I'll be there for you. These five words I swear to you. When you breathe, I want to be here for you. I'll be there for you. That's a poem by J.B. Jovi. I want you to have it. David: We are even...now. Understand? Got it? Andy: Crystal. David: You are on very- Hey, very thin ice. Andy: Vanilla. [David looks confused] Vanilla Ice. It was a band. Andy: Good morning. Erin: Good morning. Andy: And how are you on this fine- [chokes up, runs into office and slams door pulling the blinds closed] Andy: [Crying] Ok, we ready? [cut] Don't use that part. Last week, Erin told me that our relationship would be proceeding without me. Now I have to see her everyday at work. Which is...brutal. When people say office relationships are a good idea, they never talk about what might happen if you break up. Andy: [Moaning from office] Ahhh! Oooooh! ahh Pam: He sounds like a wounded animal. Stanley: Should've put him out of his misery and just fired her. Phyllis: I can't be around sad people, it makes me sad. Stanley: I'm the same way with horny people. Pam: Ok. [Andy continues moaning] Erin: Yes. Pete and I have started seeing each other and Andy still doesn't know. We thought that keeping it secret was more considerate to him. And hot for us. I mean I saw Pete's butt. It's sick. Pam: [taking paper from Kevin] Oh that's mine! Um, I'll just, I'll get it out of the way for you. Pam: Jim set up a job interview for me today in Philly. It's um, with a real estate company, which is a great fit for me because I live in a house and I know what a bathroom is. [laughs] I'm sorry, I am just very nervous because honestly this is all moving a lot faster than I expected. And, and because my resume can fit on a post-it note. Dwight: [on phone] No, don't just let her eat the grass, she'll puke it right up. OK, just put out two bowls and see which feed she prefers. I'm sorry to be taking up so much of your precious time, Mose, but she's your aunt too. Fine. I'll see what I can do. Dwight: [Jumps out from behind vending machine] I need you. Angela: Ahh! Dwight! Dwight: And you should take breaks more often, I've been waiting there for 45 minutes. Angela: What? What is it? Dwight: It's my aunt Shirley, she's on her last legs. Angela: Dwight, that's awful. Dwight: You have no idea. I mean her hair, clothes, it's all falling off in great big clumps. And we need someone to go out there and clean her up. We had a nurse, but she quit because she was "poisoned" by Aunt Shirley. Angela: What do you mean by "poisoned"? Dwight: Probably nothing, or strychnine. Or lemonade and strychnine. Which is actually what it was. Angela: Ok, well I'm very sorry about your aunt. Dwight: Thank you. Angela: But I don't see how this is my problem. Dwight: Angela. You owe me one, remember? Now please, she's an old woman Angela. She needs a woman's touch. It's all hanging out- Angela: Ugh. Dwight: And there's parts of her I don't even recognize. Angela: Gah. Dwight: There's this one hanging part in particular, that's some sort of flap. Angela: It's fine. Dwight: It's like a prehensile wing or something, you know? Angela: Ugh! God, I can't. OK, I'll- Dwight: It's a divet... Angela: I'll help you! Dwight: ..where it was and it needs, it needs a... Angela: Ugh. Andy: Where are you going? Pam: Uh, not on a three month boat trip. Andy: Wha? Oh, burn. [laughs, Angela and Dwight move to leave.] Uh, excuse me. What, everyone can just leave whenever they want now? Dwight: How dare you? Andy: I'm still the boss! Erin: I... Andy: The answer is yes. Erin: ..just have some messages for you. Andy: Are they from you? Erin: Well no, they're from clients. Andy: Well then, I don't want them. You can keep 'em. In fact, you can keep that big blue Nautica sweater, I know how much you love it. Erin: I can't. I- Andy: Nope, I insist upon it. It's an awesome sweater. Some great memories tied up in that thing. Erin: These are messages from clients who want to buy paper. Andy: I don't want to talk about work right now. Erin: Well I only want to talk about work right now. Andy: Then I want my big blue sweater back. Erin: Well, I gave it to the Salvation Army. Pete: I've got the seat adjusted right. Clark: Perfect height, yeah. Andy: She got rid of it. My blue sweater. What is that about? Pete: I was just leaving. Andy: Stay! We are in the bro-zone layer. Ok? Nard dog, Plop and Clarker Posey, AKA Clarkwork Orange. Here's the sitch: Erin dumped me, natch. But she got rid of my blue sweater, which was her favorite. Is she moving on a little fast, or am I being a total psycho? Plop, you go first. Pete: I don't know. Women do tend to move on quicker than men. Andy: Survey says: ENH! Doesn't make me feel better at all. Zero Clark Thirty, what do you got? Clark: Look at it this way, being a bachelor is not all bad. I mean, you've got your freedom now. Andy: Last night I ordered a pizza by myself and I ate it over the sink like a rat. Clark: There you go, good for you. Andy: No. Clark: You just let it all hang out, that's what... Andy: May not seem like it, but this really helped. So, thank you. [Andy leaves] Clark: I'll give you a hundred dollars to wear that sweater to work tomorrow. Dwight: Aunt Shirley, Hello! It's me Dwight. Shirley: Oh, lookie here. It's big city Dwight. Careful you don't get mud on those fancy town shoes, big city Dwight. Angela: Hello Aunt Shirley. Shirley: Who's this little kitchen witch? She's so tiny like a little kitchen witch. Dwight: This is Angela, and we brought you some new clothes! Shirley: New clothes? What for? [Aunt Shirley's boob shows] Dwight: OK Angela: Oh, God. Dwight: You know what? Before you put the new clothes on, Angela's gonna get you cleaned up a little bit. Angela: Yes. How would you like a nice warm bath? Shirley: How would you like a mean cold slap? [slaps Angela] Angela: Ow! Dwight: Ok, Aunt Shirley, dear, uh, can I get you a nice crisp liter of schnapps? Shirley: I could do that. Dwight: Ok. Angela: No. No. Dwight: Yeah, trust me. Angela: No. Dwight: It keeps her docile. Go to the kitchen, get the largest receptacle you can find. Shirley: Step on it! Andy: Why doesn't Erin seem sad? Has she found someone new or something? And if so, why hasn't she told me? Is she trying to spare my feelings? During breakups, the mind goes to some crazy dark places. Phyllis: Andy, don't. No good can come from snooping. Andy: I'm not snooping, there's just some crud on her screen. Oscar: You're clearly snooping. Creed: That's kinda uncool, man. Meredith: Ah, come on. Phyllis: Andy! Oscar: That's her private property. Meredith: Tell us! Andy: Uh, hello! Who's snooping on who now? Phyllis: What does that even mean? Meredith: What's it say? Phyllis: Put it down. Andy: Everyone please, just- Creed: It's not cool. Phyllis: Put it down Oscar: Andy. That is her private property. Meredith: Boo. Andy: Oh my god. Stanley: Uh huh. Phyllis: See? Stanley: That's where nosey'll get you. Phyllis: Told you so. Andy: Darryl, Clark, Toby, Kevin, Plop. Take a knee. Alright, you guys are gonna think I'm psycho again. Uh, couldn't shake this feeling that Erin's dating someone so I looked at her phone. Darryl: Man, you can't do that stuff. You'll only find pain. When my ex-wife got into my e-mail account, she was devastated. Andy: Too late. I found out she's been texting a guy named Pete. Does anybody know a Pete? Kevin: Pete... Clark: Hmm. Kevin: Pete what? Pete: It just occurred to me that Andy has been calling me Plop for so long, he forgot my real name. Which is Pete. Pam: [whispers] hello! Jim: Hey! There she is. [Pam laughs] How you doin? Pam: Hi! Hey, do I look ok? Jim: You look great. Pam: Ok Jim: Yeah. Pam: [pointing to Jim's bluetooth headset] What's that? Is that a- Jim: Ok, I know where you're going with this, and this is who I am now. I'm a douche. But look what I can do with my hands. [Pam laughs] Isaac: Gotta go, VIP just walked through the door. Pam: How are you, Isaac? You have something in your ear. Isaac: It's a phone? Pam: Yes. It is. And thank you so much for setting up this opportunity, I really appreciate it. Isaac: Of course, anything for Team Halpert. You're gonna crush it, Pam. Pam: Thanks. Jim: You are gonna crush it. Wow, I missed you. Pam: Wait, are you saying that into the phone or are you saying that to me. Jim: [touches headset] Call you right back. What were you saying? Pam: Ha ha. Athlead Coworker: Hey, Jim! We've got Trent Edwards on the line. Jim: I've gotta go, but you know what? Team Halpert, ok? You're gonna crush it, you're gonna smash it.[Pam laughs] OK, good luck! Pam: Bye. Angela: Gosh, she drank so much. And so quickly. Dwight: In her prime, Shirles could put away homemade schnapps morning noon and night. Shirley: [coughs and laughs in her sleep] Dwight: Now all it takes is half a liter. She's dreaming. Alright, let's get her out to the yard so you can spray her down. Angela: Spray her down? Dwight: No, it's a lot better than it sounds. There's a private shower area. Very tasteful, very rustic. Pete: Hey. Andy: Come on in. Have a seat. Uh, thanks for coming in, I just gotta get something off my chest. I just got some really weird news and uh, I'm just gonna come out and say it. I just got off the phone with my doctor, and it turns out I contracted [reading computer screen] shlmydia...from Erin. And it's incurable. Pretty lame huh? Pete: Yeah. [long pause] You were gone. Andy: I knew it! Pete: For a long time, Andy. Andy: You and Erin are fuhhhhhhherraaaaa! Pete: Andy, just so you know, there was no overlap. Andy: No overlap? Great. Good. Wow. This is suddenly so easy. Guess what? You're fired! Pete: What? Andy: Yeah. You. Are. Fired! One of the perks of being boss. I can fre anyone who steals my girlfriend. And wow, that turns out to be you. Yup. Sorry. [singing] So you had a bad day- Pete: Andy? Andy: ..The camera don't lie! Pete: Andy. Andy: You're being an idiot get.. Pete: I'm trying.. Andy: Out of my office, turns out you're fired... Pete: Andy. Andy: Because you suck. Pete: You can't fre- Andy: And you're fired... Pete: If you want to talk to me Andy: So you had a bad day... Pete: I'll be in the annex. Andy: Rut ti doh doh... Pete: Alright? I'll be in the annex. Andy: Rut tit doh doh... Pete: Toby! Andy: Rut ti doh doo doh Pete: Toby? Toby: You can't fre Pete. You understand why, right? Andy: No. Toby: Oh, Andy, we had this exact same conversation when you wanted to get rid of Nellie. You can't just get rid of people over grudges. Andy: Nellie was a professional grudge. This is a purely personal grudge. Toby: Alright, well look. While I have you here, this is a relationship disclosure form for Pete & Erin. Andy: They already have a contract? [Reading] "Mutually agree to-" Ah, every phrase is like a dagger in my crotch. Toby: It's just boiler plating, you don't have to read it. Andy: Well, I'm not signing away my rights. Toby: I already signed it. I was just showing you. Andy: Ok, well we'll see about that. [crumples paper] Toby: Andy, it's not the original. And destroying it will not stop them from dating. Andy. [Andy throws paper at him and leaves, Toby straightens paper out] It's the original. Mark: ...[singing] talking Chester avenue, talking triplex, talking converting...Is that her? Hey guys! Say something. Pam: Hello. Mark: Hi, I'm Mark. Pam: Hi, Pam, hello. Mark: I'm the horrible boss around here, but please don't hire Jamie Foxx to kll me. D'Jango! I don't agree with the use of the "N" word in that movie. It's, it's too soon. Pam: I'm Pam Halpert. Mark: Oh, hi. They call me Marky Mark around here, because here at Simon Realty, we are one funky bunch! Come on you guys, raise the roof when I say that! I- what are you all temps again today? Let's go, Gangnam style. [laughs] He's heard Gangnam style, he knows it. Right? That's cause he's American. This is Carl. Uh, he's from here. Our neck of the woods. But Gangnam style is great, isn't it? Pam: Oh my god. He's Michael Scott. Shirley: Time to get clean! Dwight: It's hosing time Aunt Shirley, have a seat. You're gonna have a hard time hearing her over the roar of the hose. Angela: You have to use chains? Dwight: You'll see. Here we go. Shirley: Let's get this show on the road. Dwight: Let's do it! Ready? Here's a box cutter to get her clothes off. Angela: Dwight! Dwight: Let's get to it. Angela: No! No! Dwight: Give it a whirl. Angela: Dwight, I am not gonna hose your aunt down like some animal. Shirley: Stop your belly-aching and hose me. Dwight: I need you to hose my aunt. Angela: No Dwight! Dwight: OK you are useless. Angela: No, Dwight! Dwight: Give me the hose! Angela: No Dwight, I won't- [hoses Dwight] Dwight: Ahh! OK! Angela: [grunting] I'm gonna give your aunt a proper bath and a haircut like a lady! And you two are gonna shut up about it! Do you have a bathtub? Dwight: Yes ma'am. Angela: Good. Mark: This is not an office so much as it is a uh, rec room with a bunch of computers in it. Frankly, if I had my way, I'd toss the computers in the gar-bage. But unfortunately we use them for practically everything we do. So. That ain't gonna happen. He's a temp, don't worry about him. Alice! Alright, stay awake ok? Toby: Hey Nellie. Mmm. I am so sick of February. It's the shortest month but it sure doesn't feel that way. We should catch up. Nellie: Um. Toby: Y'know I've been going over my notes from the trial... Nellie: Oh no. Toby: ...feel like I may have glossed over a few... Nellie: No no no no. Toby: ...minor points. Nellie: No. Toby, you cannot keep blathering on about this Scranton Strangler. Do something about it. Get it out of your system, whatever it takes. Toby: I've been drafting a letter. Nellie: For two years! Then what? Another year picking out a stamp? Another six months before you decide to lick it? Just- I don't want to hear it! Mark: My aunt Joan. Oh, uh well, she uh, she worked here before I did, so there's no nepotism involved. In fact, to be honest with you I'm probably a little harder on her than I am on the rest of these people. Ah, cute. Not work on this...work on this months. Ok Nana? Uh, when I say "Chillax" people chillax. Watch this. Hey Roger, chillax! Must not have heard me. Roger: No. I heard you. Mark: Step this way for The Spanish Inquisition! [laughs] Kids in the Hall. Just, it's not high pressure. Just a little Coffee Talk. Ok? Like butta. Come on in here. Mike Myers. Pam: [Mouths] Oh my god. Andy: Thank you! Thanks, thanks a lot. Really appreciate it. You guys are supposed to have my back. OK? Instead you let a guy named Plop steal my girlfriend. Meredith: Hey boss, I did everything I could. I invited Pete out for drinks, I emailed him shts of my junk.... Andy: Ugh. Meredith: Kid doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. Phyllis: Come on Andy, they're a good match. Andy: That doesn't matter. Ok? What matters is that I am hurt! Deep hurt inside of me. I don't care if they're Romeo and freaking Juliet! I feel like the guy that Juliet dated before Romeo. Probably her boss. And guess what? Juliet's boss also had feelings. Darryl: Hey, Andy. Andy: What?! Darryl: You've got a booger bubble going on there. Andy: [wipes nose] Sorry. Darryl: It's ok. Andy: My whole life is a booger bubble! Mark: This is a tiny resume. Papa Smurf! Come back to the mushroom. [Pam laughs] From The Smurfs movie. Pam: Yeah, I've seen that with my kids. Um, it is tiny, but I've actually been commissioned by the City of Scranton to paint a mural- Mark: What does this say here? To ti te per tat... what language is this? Swahili? Oh wait a second, now I can read it. Pam: Oh, cause it was upside down. [both laugh] Mark: You're a good audience. [Pam laughs] Pam: So um- Mark: Unlike some of these people around here. Pam: Yeah, the um, the city commissioned me to do the- Mark: Yeah, we don't have a lot of call for doodling around here. But I like this resume and here's why. It shows that you stick around. Yeah. You don't jump ship easily. Like a lot of these people. I mean they worship me you know? But do they like me? I mean...you think they like me, Pam? Pam: Yes. Mark: [gets guitar] What if Bob Dylan was your boss? I'm gonna do Dylan! [playing guitar and imitating Bob Dylan] Pam Halpert is my name, and I've been at Dunder Mifflin for seven years? Eight years? Eight years, man. Got the Dunder Mifflin blues. Got the Pam Halpert blues. Got the pra- went to the Pratt Institute...You have children? Pam: Two children, yes. Mark: You wrote Art and Painting, kinda the same thing. Kinda the same thing. Sometimes I repeat myself, but that's just being Pam. Well I'm kinda cute and I'm- but I'm married so...leave that be. Pete: Hey. You got a sec to talk? Andy: Kinda painful to chat with you Pete. Ever since the old one-two punch to my scrotum pole. Translation: penis. Translation? My manhood. Pete: Yeah. Look, uh I understand breakups are tough. You know, it happens to all of us at some point in life. But you've gotta move on. Andy: Great advice. Thank you, you can leave now. Erin: Listen to him, Andy. He's trying to tell you something that you really need to hear. Andy: Awesome perspective. Thanks for butting in. Pete: Well, I've been where you are now. I dated this girl Alice and it was an ugly breakup. She worked at a marketing agency right next to my house. I'd run into her every day but I had to grow up and deal with it, and I did. We're even Facebook friends now. Erin: See? We can all be friends! Pete: Yeah. Erin: Just, get over it. It doesn't have to be awkward. Pete: I do think we can have a fair.... Andy: Yeah, so life gives you lemons and you've just gotta eat them, rinds and all. And if you don't want to eat them? Your ex-girlfriend will shove them down your throat with the help of her hunky new boyfriend. So that's fun. Mark: Nothing to see here! Boss at work. This will be your desk. Right up front. Best seat on the roller coaster, you must be this tall to ride this ride. No pregnant women allowed. Are you? Uh, yeah I don't- not allowed to ask. So... Pam: I am not pr- Mark: You're not. Pam: Pregnant, no. Mark: I didn't ask her if she was pregnant. She just offered it. The last three girls here all got pregnant. Pam: Wow. Mark: Don't be afraid, it's a different chair. I don't want a guy up here. I want to you know, see a woman come in and do a great job. Something that, I have to look out this window, I want someone- Pam: I'm sorry I thought this job was for the position of office manager. Mark: It is. Yeah, you would uh manage this office. Answer the phones and forward the calls and uh you know, go for a coffee run now and again. Pam: So, kinda like a receptionist. Mark: Yeah, like a receptionist, but we call you the office manager because uh, it's less demeaning. By the way, how long are these uh, cameras gonna be following you around? Because I think this is pretty cool. Pretty pretty cool. Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm. Do you like that show? Pam: Yes. Mark: Well, I think they indulge themselves a little too much. I like scripted. Pam: I spent 10 years as a receptionist, to Michael Scott. And I have kids now. And I just, I can't. Shirley: Ow! The braid is too tight. Angela: Oh hush. Loose braids reflect a loose character. Now stay still. Shirley: Yes ma'am. Angela: I think your hair is much too long for your age, by the way. Shirley: Ok. Angela: There. Shirley: Thank you Angela. Toby: I'm going to the prison. This afternoon. I'm gonna talk to the strangler. Nellie: Probably best to use his real name rather than strangler. Darryl: Don't use his real name. George Howard Scubb. It's a devil name. Toby: Well I just wanted to say I'm doing it. [Toby leaves] Nellie: He's doing it. Pam: [on phone] hey! Jim: Hey, how'd the interview go? Pam: Oh my gosh, wait until you. This guy was unbelievable. Ok so- Jim: I can't wait to hear about it later. Do you want to come in at eight? And uh, don't eat because I'm ordering in. Pam: Eight? Really? Jim: I'll make it worth your while, I promise. Pam: Sure. I mean, it's Philly. I can kll four hours. So uh, yeah. I'll see you at eight. Jim: Alright, love you. Pam: Love you. Alice: Hi. Erin: Hi. Alice: I'm here from BCI Marketing Consultants to meet with Andrew Bernard. Erin: Yes. The consultant. Andy said you can start right away so I will take you to your desk. Alice: Ok, great. Thanks. Meredith: Fresh meat! Fresh meat! [Making kissing noises] Erin: Just keep walking, don't give her anything. She'll take it and run. I'm Erin by the way. Alice: Nice to meet you. Cute sweater. Erin: Oh, thanks. Your shoes match. I'm bad at small talk. Kevin: I'm Kevin. Alice: Pete? Pete: Alice. Oh man. Alice: It's uh, been a while, huh? Erin: What, do you two know each other? Pete: Yeah. We uh, have a history. Erin: Oh. Alice: History. Wow, ok. We dated for two years. Erin: That's so random. Pete: Well. Is it? Erin: Andy also hired a management consultant today. Oh no. [runs to front office] Creed: Hey Erin, look who's back. The bird man. Gabe: Hello beautiful. Kevin: Didn't you two used to do it? Gabe: We absolutely did. Thank you for remembering that. Creed: She's looking good. Toby: Hi, I'm uh, Toby Flenderson. I'm here to see George Howard Scubb. Toby: This is the prison. Uh, I am not going in there with expectations, per say. Uh, I will meet George Howard Scubb. I will tell him that I believe he is innocent. I would understand if he felt motivated to hug me. I would understand if a friendship began. How did, how did Bogart put it? [imitating Humphrey Bogart] I think this is a start of my first friendship. Clark: So Pete was a librarian? Alice: He worked as a librarian freshman year. Clark: Was he like the sexy librarian? Pete: Ok. Alice: Is there like somebody who's in charge of marketing? Maybe I should sit near him or her. Andy: Hi. Alice: Hi. Andy: Hi, how's it going? Alice: Hi. [laughs] Good. I'd love to discuss strategy with you if you have a marketing p- Andy: Wow this sure is intense. Having to share a workspace with someone you used to get it on with? Pete: Andy, that is really inappropriate. Andy: Awkward. Pete: It is awkward. This is a really uncomfortable situation that you've contrived. Andy: [high pitched] Really uncomfortable situation. Pete: Yeah. Andy: It's alright Pete, you can handle it. I mean we all just gotta "move on". Ain't that right professor lecture much? Uh, question. How's that medicine taste? Your own flavored? Is it just me or have these tables turned? Hmm. Hmm. [leaves] Alice: So there's no marketing department. Clark: No. Pete: No. Gabe: You know, times were tough. I was unemployed, I was still heart-broken over you, I've lost a good fifty pounds. But as you can see I put all that weight right back on. Feel how fat my buttocks are. Yeah, it's crazy. Touch it. It's like a warm pumpkin. Erin: So Andy just called you up out of the blue? Gabe: Yeah. He told me you two broke up. Erin: Yeah. Gabe: You must be pretty horny. [Erin shakes head no] Nellie: well, the good news is no more guilty conscience. At least you know he is the strangler. The proof is in the grip. Did they say when the vocal cords would heal? [Toby nods] One week? [Toby shakes head] Ok, two weeks? [Toby nods] Ok. You offered your neck in search of the truth. The proud neck of justice. Isn't that the expression? No. Well, anyway, it was, it was very brave. It really was quite brave. Shirley: I feel like a show pony. Dwight: And you look like one too. Thank you Angela. Angela: You're welcome. Would you like some stew? Dwight: By all means. And I will carve the roast skunk. Angela? Angela: Mmhm. Dwight: Would you like the stink sack? Angela: Is it any good? Dwight: No, you don't eat it. It's a toy, like a wish bone. You know, prettiest girl gets the stink sack. Angela: Thank you. [both laugh] Shirley: So, when's the wedding? Angela: Oh, um actually uh, we are just friends. Shirley: That's what Mose said about his lady scarecrow and look what he did to that poor thing. Pam: Hello? Jim: Hey! Back here. Pam: Oh, wow. Seriously? Oh my gosh, is that champagne? Jim: Si, senor. Pam: Oh, Jim I should have told you I didn't get the job. Jim: Oh man. I'm so sorry. Are you alright? Pam: Oh, yeah. I'm more than alright. There's just nothing to celebrate. Jim: Are you kidding? We're in Philly. We're having dinner together. And this is just consolation champagne. It's from the part of France that immediately gave up to the nzi. Here. Pam: [laughs] You're very quick on your feet. I remember you. Funny. Jim: Alright. So, tell me all about it. Dwight: Ok. Well, gosh. Thank you for your help today. Your perspective was very useful. Thank you. Angela: It was not an unpleasant way to spend an afternoon. [They shake hands. Then kiss] Dwight, Dwight. Dwight: Right. Not outside. The horseflies. You know what? My farm is only a few acres East of here. Or, we could use the slaughterhouse. Angela: No, Dwight. The Senator. Dwight: Leave him. He probably won't even notice that you're gone. Be with me, Monkey. Angela: I can't be your monkey, Dwight. Dwight: I'm not talking about some frisky romp in the warehouse. We have wasted too much of our lives ignoring the fact that we belong together. The eighty or ninety years that I have left in this life...I want to spend with you. Angela: I made a vow. I gave my word. Dwight: Stand by your man. It's what I would want if you were mine. Angela: Good night, D. Erin: How are you doing? Is it really rough? Pete: It is so unpleasant. You? Andy: Hey, love turds. Conference room, now. Andy: Thank you all for coming in. Just wanted to check in. How is everyone's day? Gabe: Honestly, it was a little weird. Andy: Really? Hmm. That's interesting. Because Erin and Pete thought it wouldn't be weird at all. Why do you think it was weird, Gabe? Maybe because you and Erin used to be an item? Gabe: I still wear Erin's button-downs around the condo sometimes. So it feels to me like we're still in a relationship- Erin: Gabe! Gabe: ...a lot of the time. Andy: And Alice, uh, I understand you once dumped Pete, ouch. Pete: Dude, it was an amicable break up Andy. Alice: Ok, while we're rewriting history, you never had a drinking problem. Pete: It was college. That is what you do. Alice: Yeah you're also supposed to go to classes, so there's that. Erin: Hey, Andy, is this at all work related? Andy: We'll get to that. Gabe, did Erin ever tell you that she loves you? Gabe: [laughs] Oh no no no no no no. She wouldn't even let me say it. It was adorable. She would plug her ears and scream her heat out. Erin: Gabe, can you stop talking? Cause every word out of your mouth is like the squawk of an ugly pelican. Gabe: I got a tattoo for you. Erin: I didn't ask you to get that Nike Swoosh. Nobody did! You did that for you! Gabe: Just do it. You were the it that I was just doing. Alice: So you're dating a secretary now? Moving up in the world, Pete. Pete: She's nice to me. Alice: How's that P.E. degree coming? That's what he wanted to be. His dream in college was to be a gym teacher. Erin: Well, guess what? He could still be a gym teacher. In fact, we could all still be gym teachers, so, let's- Gabe: I technically cannot. I don't have the lung capacity to blow a whistle. Pete: Oh my god. Gabe: What kind of music are you into, Peter? Pete: Uh, I like all kinds of music, Gabe. Gabe: Really? All kinds? So you like songs of hate written by the white knights of the Ku Klux Klan? Pete: No! Gabe: Erin, are you even hearing this? Erin: He didn't even say that. Alice: He is not a very sophisticated man, I mean he can't even use chopsticks, so. Do I need to say anything else? Gabe: Erin, I've been to Japan. I know how to use chopsticks so well. Come back. One night. Erin: Gabe, I don't- Gabe: Give me one night with you... Erin: What is that supposed to mean? Gabe: I have shaved everything... Erin: I don't want you to shave everything. Alice: I wasted two years of my life on you, you realize that right?! Pete: I just want to be real clear that chopsticks is not the measure of a man. [Erin and Gabe argue in background] Gabe: I am as smooth as a porpoise. {Erin argues] Pete: Why don't you say in the beginning: "This isn't really going that well" Gabe: Shove his sashimi! Erin: What do you-! Alice: Because I had to wait- [all argue] Andy: Alright, yes. That is a legitimate question. Does making Erin and Pete feel bad make me feel better? [Erin & Gabe and Alice & Pete argue in background] Yeah. Yeah, it does. Pam: So, imagine like the real estate version of Michael Scott and that was this guy. He did half the interview as Ace Ventura. Jim: Tell me about the cologne. How much? Pam: Oh, uh, entire bottle. At least. Jim: You're definitely hoarding this by the way. Pam: Guess what poster he had on his wall? Jim: Austin Powers. Pam: MmMm. Jim: Ferris Bueller. Pam: MmMm. You're getting colder. Jim: Not Night at the Roxbury. Pam: [laughs] No. The Odd Life of Timothy Green. Jim: I'm sorry, how did you think I was expected to guess that? Pam: I don't know, but it's interesting right? Jim: It's fascinating. Pam: He said he can't help but tear up when he looks at it. It's like right next to his desk. He must look at it twenty times a day. Jim: That's amazing. Well, listen. You can't win 'em all, right? Pam: Mmhm. Jim: So, next interview has to be better. Pam: I don't know. Jim: What do you mean? Of course it will. You're amazing. Pam: I know. It's just even if it was, a great boss and a great job, I just, I don't know, I don't know if I want, um, I don't know if I want this. Jim: [long pause] Huh. This is a little out of left field. Pam: Is it? I just, I liked our life in Scranton. Jim: And I have started a business in Philadelphia. [Pam shrugs] Oscar's Computer: My grandfather know. Mah Jong will be here to stay. Hobbies of the East continues in a moment. Oscar: You could all be doing this, just saying. Oscar: I watch way too many ads online and I don't do enough situps. So I bought these. Now, every time an ad pops up online, I get 30 seconds of ab blasting. I call it Ads for Abs. Ironically, I learned about the boots from an ad online. Stanley: Why can't you just do regular sit-ups? Oscar: I'll tell you why. Because...the floor...is...disgusting. Yeah, my trainer said everybody fails working out, that's how you win. Alright [tries to pull himself up] Ok. Kevin? A little help buddy? Kevin: Oh, why don't your famous stomachs help you now? Oscar: Can someone please help me? Phyllis: Ow, these teas are hot, can someone help me please? [Erin moves Oscar out of the way for Phyllis] Oscar: Just- People! I'm not going anywhere. Soon, my core will get strong again and when that happens I'll be able to- Head rush! Ah! Can someone please help me? [Kevin shuts door] I- Hey! I'm not going anywhere! I'll be right here! Oh that's not good. [Oscars computer reads: Coming this May: The Office: An American Workplace. Ten years in the making, a look at the lives and loves of an average American small business office.] Hey guys! I've got twenty bucks for anyone who will help me. Kevin, would you like a pizza?	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x16 - Moving On"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: [as elevator door closes] Hold it! Creed: [notices something new about Dwight] New glasses. Erin: Dwight. What a ridiculous, fancy clown you are. Dwight: I am dressed according to the Schrute codes of mourning. My aunt Shirley has died. Pam: Oh, Dwight. I'm so sorry. Were you guys close? Dwight: I would say that she raised me, but let's not kid each other. I raised myself. She was, however, the closest thing I had to a mother. Dwight: My actual mother was very cold and distant. I'd say she was the closest thing I had to an aunt. Jim: My condolences. Dwight: Keep them. Jim: OK. Now, what do we got in these two pails? Dwight: In keeping with Schrute custom, I will either invite you to Saturday's funeral by sprinkling red, fertile dirt in your face. Or, I will ask you to keep a respectful distance during my time of grief, with a dusting of black, slightly acidic soil. Erin: [after Dwight tosses dirt on her face] What color is it? Phyllis: It looks pretty black. Kevin: [after Dwight tosses dirt in his face] Yep. Acidic, all right. Oscar: [while Dwight prepares to toss dirt] Oh, thank god. Dwight: Excuse me? Oscar: I'm so sorry, Dwight. And if you want me to be there, of course I will go. I just... have a personal training session... Dwight: OK. That's not... [tosses red dirt in Oscar's face] Oscar: I get red dirt. Nobody is getting red dirt. I should've kept my mouth shut. We're not even that close. I've only known Dwight... 12 years. 12 years. Time is a son of a bitch. Jim: [as Dwight prepares to throw dirt in his face] I'm sure... I'm sure she's in a better place. Dwight: I really hope so. [unexpectedly tosses dirt in Pam's face] Jim: OK. [as Dwight mixes coffee with dirt in his hand] This is crazy. You can't make a dirt ball. Dwight: I miss her so much. Jim: OK. Dwight: You know? [Dwight screams and throws dirt ball at Jim] Mose: [playing guitar and singing 'Oh What a Beautiful Morning'] Zeke's here. Dwight: Zeke. Zeke: Hey, Dwight. Mose, Mom says 'hi'. Mose: 'Hi' to Mom. Dwight: Are you going? Mose: Will there be ghosts there? Dwight: [simultaneously with Zeke] Get in the sidecar. Get in the sidecar. Zeke: You get in the sidecar. Dwight: Get... Dwight: [at the grave site, to Oscar] What are you doing here? Oscar: You invited me. You threw the red dirt in my face. Dwight: [smirking] Oh, yeah. Oscar: [as a car approaches the grave site] Who is that? Dwight: Jeb, my brother. Oscar: You have a brother? Dwight: Uh-huh. Jeb: I didn't really see a better parking spot. [drives into the dug grave] Whoa! Look what I did. It's a rental. [Dwight approaches and hugs him] You wanna go in? [both attempt to put the other in the dug grave] Erin: [upon seeing Todd Packer enter the office] Oh, gosh. Todd Packer: Hey, Moonface. Nice to see those shiny, little Chinese eyes of yours. Clark: [to Pam] Who's this guy? Pam: ... bad. Todd Packer: Hi, all. Phyllis: Why are you here, Todd? Todd Packer: OK. Let's get right to it. I guess. My name is Todd Packer and I am in recovery. I'm working the steps. I'm on step eight of Alcoholics Anonymous and step nine of Narcotics Anonymous. I'm here to make amends. I've been hard to deal with over the past years. Kind of a jerk. I know it. I don't need you to accept my apology, but I'd love it if you did. Kevin: Packer, we accept. [others disagree] Todd Packer: Actually, they have a specific way I need to do this. And, I have to go through examples of stuff. OK. Uh, where to begin. [to Pam] Hey. Pam-pam and her pam-pams. Wow. I have said some crude things about those. But, they are beautiful. And, I guess that's why I acted out. Pam, I'm sorry I objectified you. And, personified your breasts. Sorry, guys. [to Phyllis] Oh boy. I have not been nice to you. Philly, I'm sorry for the things I said about your size. To your face, behind your back, and in the form of drawings. Actually, that goes to all you double XLs. Stanley, Kevin, [points to Clark] this kid in a few years. Pam: Todd, you're just saying insults in the form of an apology. Todd Packer: Why can't I just be nice? Truth is, I really like you guys. I really do. OK. The apology's just half of it. The big thing is making amends. And, that's why I brought these. I went out to the Steamtown Mall and I got you all cupcakes. From that place 'Nipples'. Pam: I think it's called 'Nibbles'. Todd Packer: Huh. The mind sees what it wants to, huh? [hands cupcake to Erin] There you go. Pam: Hey, hey, guys. Wait. Before we accept these cupcakes, I think we need to have a conversation privately in the conference room. Don't eat the cupcake. German Minister: We are here today to join this woman and the ground. Man is born of woman and his life is full of turmoil. Jeb: [gathers and tastes soil] Huh. It's crap soil. Nothing's going to grow here. Dwight: Doesn't matter. It's a cemetery. Jeb: Yeah, well, I'm just saying it's garbage soil, that's all. Dwight: Well, the only thing we're planting here is dad bodies. Jeb: It's fine 'cause they're not going to grow. Dwight: Well, thank god they're not because we don't want to make zombies. Jeb: Good. I agree. Don't worry about it. You won't get any. German Minister: Would the family care to say something? Dwight: You had black hair and then gray hair. Zeke: You were the aunt to my cousins. Most of your life you were 5'4", at the end you were 5'1". Oscar: They're a descriptive people. Fannie: [approaches and hugs Dwight] I see you started without me. Dwight: You were late. So, what am I supposed to do? Fannie: Well, I told you... Jeb: Hi, Fannie. Fannie: Hey. Oscar: Who is that? Zeke: Dwight's sister. Oscar: Dwight has a sister? Zeke: Yeah. Oscar: She's beautiful. Zeke: Blugh. Dwight: [to his nephew Cameron] Hello, little man. Haven't seen you in a few years. [after a weak handshake] What is this? Oh, god. [after a truck with many girls in the bed pulls up] Henry. Henry: Dwight. Dwight: I see Esther's back in town. Esther: Hi Dwight. Dwight: Hi Esther. Nice of you to come today. Esther: This was on the way. We're going into town after. I need yarn. Dwight: Well, if you can snap two chicken necks with a single motion, why use two motions to slaughter those chickens. Fannie: We're at a funeral. There's a funeral going on here. Dwight: OK. Henry: Anyone mention her height? Zeke: Yep. Henry: Land size? [all shake heads] [removes hat] Shirley, at 1600 acres, you have the largest farm in the area. Sharing borders with six other farms. Including my own farm. And your nephew Dwight's. [replaces hat] OK. [drives away] Dwight: So, let's get it going. German Minister: [approaches Fannie, offering a gn] Would you want to do the honors? Fannie: Oh, right. Uh, you know, I don't think we have to do this. Dwight: We Schrutes don't need some Harvard doctor to tell us who's alive and who's dad. But, there was an unlucky streak of burying some heavy sleepers. And, when grave robbers discovered some scratch marks on the inside of some of the coffins, we decided to make sure that our dad were completely dad. Out of kindness. Oscar: [after Dwight opens coffin and begins fring into it] That's it for me. [exits] Pam: I don't think we should eat Packers' cupcakes. We can't give him the satisfaction. Phyllis: I agree. Even though that place has a way of making those cupcakes so they're dense. But, they're also really fluffy. Pam: We can't let him buy our forgiveness with cupcakes. He was awful to us. And, he still is. How much is a cupcake? $2.50? Is that the price of our dignity? Creed: $3.75 a cupcake, actually. $3.67 if you buy a dozen. Creed: I never forget a number. Names? In one ear and out the other. Places? Nope. Faces? That's rich. But, numbers? I have a gift. I guess that's why I'm an accountant. Clark: Hey, man. I don't think we've met. I'm Clark. Todd Packer: Oh. I'm Todd. Oh, sorry for calling you a fat, little runt earlier. Clark: You didn't actually say that. Todd Packer: No? Wow. I'm in this mode now where I'm apologizing for thoughts that are in my head. [Clark fake laughs] Hey. I have a crazy feeling [hands Clark a cupcake] that you are really gonna like this. Stanley: Maybe we should eat the cupcakes. Haven't we done enough to Packer? I mean, we sent him down to Florida on a prank. [to Nellie] And you did fre him. Nellie: I did. I did, yes. And it was purely political. He did nothing wrong. Pam: Would any of you be saying any of this if the cupcakes were from Supermart? Angela: Do they even have a bakery anymore? Kevin: They do. It's awful. And, it's getting worse every day. Pam: So, it really is just about the cupcakes. Andy: Wow, you're right. It is just about the cupcakes. Phyllis: So, we're all agreed? No one touches those cupcakes? Meredith: [as all agree] OK. Phyllis: OK. Packer can go to hell. Aunt Shirley: [on a recorded video] Thank you for coming to my funeral. As I gaze at life's big sunset, I can't help but wonder where it all went wrong. You've all disappointed me greatly. Fannie. A single mamma in the city. Dwight: [agreeing with Shirley] Thank you. Aunt Shirley: Jeb. A street pusher. Jeb: After I left the army, I bought a 9-acre worm farm from a Californian. Turns out "worm" means something else out there. And, I am now in the business of... pain management. Or, the smoking of pain management. Dwight: I can't stand the fact that Jeb is a pot farmer. He could've grown anything. Anything in the world. He used to talk about growing a peanut-grape hybrid. One plant, one sandwhich. Aunt Shirley: We can't just sit by and watch our family farm disappear. So, here are my terms. Dwight, Fannie, Jeb. If you come back home, I will leave you my farm. So, there, you have it. Fannie: Is she crazy? [as Dwight considers] Dwight? Jeb: Buddy? Buddy? Fannie: No, no, no. Jeb: Snap out of it. Dwight? Dwight: Let's do this. Let's run Aunt Shirley's farm. I'm in. Boom. Fannie: No, no, no. I'm not moving back here. Are you crazy? Dwight: Of course you are. Fannie: Look. I, I don't want to be mean or like insulting. I know that you like it here. But, Dwight, it's just that farm life lacks a certain... sort of sophistication. Dwight: Oh my god. Fannie: That Cammy and I are drawn to. And, I don't know. The men are just... it's almost like there's a... a willing ignorance. Fannie: Yes. I, thank you for asking me. I actually have written a little bit of poetry. That's crazy. And, I was recently published. Which is just... [reaches in to bag, removes folded paper] maybe I have. Yep. I do. Here it is from the um, Hartford Women's Lit Quarterly.com. A Willing Ignorance by Fannie Schrute. Jeb: Totally. Yep. The people here are like [makes farting sound, laughs] Like a fart. You know what I'm saying? Like a fart? Dwight: You know what? Let's take a couple of nights and stay here and think about Aunt Shirley's offer. Jeb: Couple of nights couldn't hurt. Fannie: Uh, somehow how I think a couple of nights could hurt. Dwight: You will say 'yes' on one. Five, four, three, two, get ready to say 'yes', one. Yes. Zeke: [as Dwight says 'yes'] Absolutely. Zeke: Growing up with Dwight and Mose was not easy. Uh, Dwight was obviously the cool one. And, Mose was the visionary. Which left me to be the comedian. Fannie: That doesn't work on me. Dwight: OK. Fannie: By the way, that's not... Dwight: [counts down in French] Fannie: Very funny. OK. Oui, oui, oui. Dwight: Oui. Fannie: Oh my goodness. Dwight: [while everyone is gathered playing and singing "Sons & Daughters"] People underestimate the power of nostalgia. If baseball can use it to get people to care about that worthless sport, then I can use it to get my siblings to care about the farm. Nostalgia is truly one of the great human weaknesses. Second only to the neck. Fannie: [after seeing Dwight lay something down in front of Esther] So, I forgot about this old custom. If a man is interested in courting a woman, he may throw the beaks of a crow at her. And then, if she's interested in accepting the courtship, she has to destroy the beaks. [Esther crushes the beaks leaving Dwight satisfied] Todd Packer: Hey, uh, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for screwing you. Meredith: I'm not sorry about it. Todd Packer: I am. It was my rock bottom. Angela: [while Kevin stares at his cupcake] Kevin, you can do this. Kevin: You don't know that. Pam: Kevin, um, let's think of something to distract us. Uh, like the movie Skyfall. You loved the movie Skyfall, right? Angela: Uh-huh. Kevin: James Bond was a spy. Pam: Yes. He was a good spy. Kevin: Yeah. He was the best. James Bond would love this cupcake. Todd Packer: Hey, you know what? It was, uh, great to see you all again. Take care. [exits] Todd Packer: I am going through a twelve-step program. I'm currently on step zero. Which is have a [expletive] of fun. I spent six hours carefully removing the frosting and then layering in a variety of drugs, some legal, some not. Some laxative, some constipating. You don't fre the Pac-Man and expect to get away with it. Pam: Guys, I'm proud of us. I think we did the right thing. [after noticing Angela easting cupcake] Hey! Angela: What, Pam? Pam: [as others eat] Wait! Angela: He's gone. It's just a cupcake now. Pam: No, no. It's the principle of the thing. Andy: [exits office, chewing] Oh my god. I forgive him so much. [Kevin begins making choking sounds] Whoa, is he choking? Angela: Kevin? Kevin: [after long choking and refusing help from Meredith] Oh, that was fantastic. Cameron: [after following Dwight to the chicken coop, before sunrise] Is it dangerous to take the eggs in front of them? Dwight: Yes, very. You really need to stand back because these are k*ller chickens. Cameron: I was just asking you something I didn't know. Dwight: Which is fine. And, you learned something. But, it was kind of a stupid question so you're gonna get made fun of a little bit. Cameron: [after grabbing an egg] Are we gonna eat these today? Dwight: If you want. Cameron: Is that a guillotine? Dwight: This? No. That'd be cool, though. It's for milking. Cameron: [referencing goat] That's a cow? Dwight: Did you just ask me if this was a cow? Cameron: [after seeing Dwight smelling milk] What are you doing now? Dwight: Come here. Come on. Grab a teat with each hand. Sit down. There you go. Squeeze from top to bottom. Really pull. Use some muscle. Draw the milk out. All right. Going all right? Cameron: I don't know. Dwight: Well, is the udder hot? Is the milk clumpy? Cameron: I don't know any of that. Dwight: OK, you suck at this. Give me those teats. Didn't your father teach you anything? Cameron: I never met him. Pam: Good morning, Erin. Erin: [looking disheveled] Hey. Pam: Hey, everybody. Um, I decided to eat my cupcake. I thought about it last night. I talked to Jim. I talked to my sister. And, I think that, as long as Todd Packer doesn't know, it's OK. Phyllis: I don't care what you do, Pam. Just please stop making noise. Pam: Phyllis! Clark: Packer laced the cupcakes. Pam: No! Meredith: Did you get diarrhea or were you stoned? Angela: Some of us got both. [raises hand] Pam: Oh my god! Is everyone OK? Phyllis: Last night, I got out all of my old dolls and played with them on the living room floor. Then, I ordered ten American Girl outfits online. It was thousands of dollars. Nellie: Yeah? Well, count yourself lucky, Phyllis. I got the toilet. Stanley: Me too. [holds up four fingers] Clark: I went Christmas caroling in March and I fertilized some bushes along the way. So, not my best night. But, not my worst night. Phyllis: What did you do, Andy? Andy: Last night? Oh, god, um, I don't know. [cuts to him arm wrestling Kevin] Na, nothing really. Kevin? Kevin: Why would you ask me? Andy: I'm not, a... I'm just. I don't know. [cuts to him spinning a plate like a record and Kevin dancing] Oh. Gosh. I actually. It is hard to recall. Um. [cuts to he and Kevin sitting on a table touching each others face] Pretty normal night. Kevin: [he and Andy embrace each other in tears] My night was just like that. [cuts to him and Andy trading clothes] Meaning normal. Andy: Yeah. I didn't see you last night at all. [cuts to him dancing by prostrate Kevin] Kevin: Nope. I did not see you either. Pam: Wow. He is officially the worst human being. Kevin: [as Pam attempts to throw cupcake away] Ah. [stops Pam and takes cupcake] Pam: But, Kevin that's... Kevin: Yeah. No, I understand, Pam. I understand. Angela: [shaking head in disbelief] No. Todd Packer: So, that's it. I just wanted to make amends. [slides cupcakes across table to Darryl and Jim] Darryl: That's big of you, man. Takes a lot of courage. Jim: Ooh, red velvet. I should apologize too. Todd Packer: It's OK. I'm over it. Jeb: Oof. This is no nine-acre worm farm. This is a beast. Whoever's managing this thing is gonna have a hell of a job. Not it. Fannie: Not it. Dwight: It. [to Fannie] That kid doesn't put in some farm time, he's gonna stay like that. Fannie: All right.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x17 - The Farm"}	foreverdreaming
Kevin: Uh oh. She's doing it again. Pam: Phyllis has gotten into audio books and lately she's been listening to 50 Shades of Grey. Which, if you don't know what it is, it's a book about um... Clark: It's prn. Pam: Yeah. Dwight: [Phyllis rocks her chair into his provocatively] Seriously. Ugh. Ok, this is unacceptable. It's officially a hostile work environment. Phyllis: Why? Darryl: Somebody just needs to get her attention, tell her it's not OK to do this in public. Pam: Be careful. I pulled my mom's dog off a pillow once, and I got bit. Meredith: Just ignore her. Sooner or later she'll finish. Group: Ugh. Ew. Andy: What? Dwight: Phyllis is masturbating. In the office right now as we speak. Angela: Can we skip the color commentary and just have Andy go out there and fre her? Toby: He- he can't do that. Turns out she's allowed to have feelings of sexual arousal. It doesn't become a violation until she physically acts on it. Group: No! Oscar: Toby, how do you propose that we- Andy:Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Why is Phyllis so aroused? Pam: She's listening to 50 Shades of Grey. Andy: Well there you go. That's muy caliente. Dwight: OK, you are useless. I'll take care of this. [walks out of Andy's office and dumps water on Phyllis] Phyllis: What the hell?! Dwight: It's OK guys, she's no longer horny. Andy: Excuse me, dirty birdie [takes Phyllis' iPod] Phyllis: Wait, what? Andy: You can have this back at the end of the day. [cut to Andy listening to the iPod and looking aroused, water is dumped on him] Oh!! Dwight: Clark, I need your advice. I'm having some lady troubles. Clark: What's her name? Dwight: Esther Ruger. [Angela makes a face in the background] Clark: Sweet. Dwight: Lives on the neighboring farm. 85 acres. Clark: Oh yeah. Keep talkin'. Dwight: Well, we've been out three times, there has been physicality but the thing is we were hanging out with her father the other night looking at a farm catalog, next thing I know he wants to lease a tractor with me. Clark: Oh. Dwight: [laughs] What do you think? Clark: The same thing that you think. Dwight: A long term tractor lease is going to put pressure on a relationship. Clark: God, one of my buddies is going through the same thing right now. Something in the air. Angela: Here you go. And good for you Dwight, I'm so glad you found someone. I bet she's got kind eyes. Angela: Dwight is dating a brussel sprout farmer named Esther. She's coming here this afternoon with her father. Who knows? Maybe she'll be pulling the horse cart! [laughs] Pam: [on phone] Cici has been calling me 'Pamela'. Like four times this week. Jim: Oh man. [laughs] Pam: I wonder if she'll start calling you 'Jim'. Jim: Oh boy, please don't. Let's not let that happen. Pam: [laughs] Um. Jim: What was I gonna- What was I gonna say? Pam: You're- You know your assistant told me that you have a big pitch meeting today. With Ryan Howard. How did that happen? Jim: Not that Ryan Howard. Um, the Phillies' first baseman. Pam: Oh, oh OK. Jim: Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Pam: [sighs] Um, Ok. Well? Jim: Yeah. So, uh, I'll uh, talk to you later? Pam: Yeah, sounds good. Ok. Jim: Ok great. Pam: Ok. Jim: Bye. Pam: Bye. Kevin: [Meredith laughs] What's going on? Oh, did Gangnam Style put out a new song? Oscar: There's a promo for the new documentary on the web. Phyllis: Play it again. Promo Voice: [Music begins, Michael Scott is shown] The boss. [Pam and Dwight are shown in episodes past] The workers. [Ryan and Michael are shown] The lives. [Jim and Pam and Dwight and Angela are shown] The loves. [More flashback clips] The people. The paper. The Office: An American Workplace. Coming soon on WVIA. Kevin: Whoa. You go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes. Kevin: This is a documentary? Oh, I always thought we were like specimens in a human zoo. Kevin: [Angela is rewatching the promo and looks nervous about the part with her and Dwight] Did you see this? [lifts monitor in her direction] Angela: Your screen is all black. You just unplugged your computer. Clark: [Pam smiles as she watches the promo with her and Jim on the roof] Oh my god, is that you and Jim? Pam: Uh huh. Clark: Jeez, you fell in love with that hair? Really? [laughs] Yikes. That is awful. Pam: It wasn't so bad. Andy: Guys, are you reading the online comments? Somebody commented on my banjo playing. "Banjo at 0:19 is aight" Internet, calm down! I must be really connected with this guy. I mean that's the guy's name, right? ChobbleGobbler? Jim: Hey man, how you doin'? Jim Halpert. Ryan Howard: Nice to meet you. Eat Fresh. Darryl: Hey, man. Darryl. Ryan Howard: Hey there, Ryan. Nice to meet you. Eat Fresh. [to camera] Eat Fresh. Jim: Let's go to the conference room. Dwight: Esther's on her way up. I wonder if she wants a snack. Let's see, I know she likes apples and carrots. Angela: I bet she does. I bet she'll eat them right out of your hand with those big strong teeth. Dwight: Did I tell you about her teeth? Erin: Hey Dwight, you have some guests. I think they're from the forest where we harvest our paper. Angela: Yes. Dwight: Ah, the Ruger family. Welcome. Mr. Ruger: Fine office you have here. Sturdy walls. Dwight: Yes. Esther, you look radiant as always. Esther: Thank you. [Dwight kisses her forehead] Angela: I guess men find Esther attractive. I mean if there are chubby chasers, then there are men that like that....thing. Pam: Weird to see how we used to look in those promos. Some of us have changed so much. Stanley: [eating soft pretzel] We've all changed. Jim: With our firm, you'll be building equity for long after they've retired your number. Darryl: And we all know, baseball does not last forever. Ryan Howard: I look at these actors on TV and I think: "C'mon, I can do that." Jim: Right? [laughs] Ryan Howard: Watch this: Eat Fresh. Now what does that make you think of? Darryl: Subway sandwiches. Jim: Yep. Ryan Howard: How? I didn't say Subway sandwiches. It's called playing the subtext. Jim: Wow. Ryan Howard: I actually wrote a screenplay, it's called "The Big Piece" Jim: Based on his nickname. Like it already. Let me guess, it's autobiographical. Ryan Howard: Half biopic and half superhero movie. A mild mannered professional baseball player, Ryan Howard- Jim: OK Ryan Howard: -hits a home run into outer space. Ball comes back with space dust on it, which transforms him into: The Big Piece. Darryl: The space dust does it. Jim: Space dust. Darryl: Yeah. Ryan Howard: I actually brought a- some copies of my script if you guys wanna read it together. Jim: Sure, yeah. [laughs] Hollywood. [Ryan Howard pulls out 3 thick scripts] Alright. Darryl: Wow. Yeah, we gonna read it. Jim: Ok, great. Kevin: Andy, are there documentary groupies? Andy: Of course there are! Kevin: Of course. Toby: A little ironic that I'm going to be kind of a TV star, because my last Chad Flendermen novel [groups groans] was based on a mrder TV star. The small screen- Nellie: Oh, I don't care. Oscar: Hey guys, I just found another promo. It's in Danish. I guess it's gonna start airing in Denmark. Pam: Oh my god! Promo Announcer: [Speaks Danish] Kevin: What was that word they said when they showed me "Skrald mand"? What's that mean in Danish? Cool guy? [Oscar looks it up] Oscar: Dumpster Man. Kevin: Cool. Superhero. Angela: What about me? "Klokken tre pige" Oscar: "Three PM Girl" Angela: What? Why would they...wait a second, wait a second! What was that? [pauses on her and Dwight leaving the warehouse area where they've just had sex] Oh! I didn't know they were filming then! Oscar: It looks like the camera man was hiding behind the shelves. Phyllis: Wait. So they were filming all the time? Even when we didn't know it? Angela: Oh my god. [All look at camera horrified] Angela: There was much more secret filming than I expected. [laughs] But I am fine with it, I mean it. I am. Oscar: Are you kidding me? It's like half the show is secret footage. Meredith: I am a very private person. I show 'em when I wanna show 'em. Who wants a taste? [lifts shirt to flash camera] Boob sauce! Group: No! Oscar: Meredith! Angela: Come on! Nellie: Oh my god. Do they film us at night when we're sleeping? Oscar: Yes, Erin. They film us at night when we're sleeping. Cause that makes great TV! Erin: Hey. Angela: Oscar. Oscar: I'm sorry sweetie. This whole thing is just freaking me out. Oscar: I have been very honest with you guys. In a way that could seriously impact the political career of a very good friend of mine. You're not going to use any of that, are you? Andy: People, relax! We are klling it online. Have you guys checked the comments? SmokeThatSkinwagon says: "You guys are klling it!" I mean, we're internet sensations guys! Angela: I think we need to figure out what's going on. I might just take a little walk. Stanley: Yes, a little walk sounds like a good idea. [groups moves to warehouse and you can hear Erin whispering something] Oscar: Ok everyone, turn off your mikes. Angela: We need to know more. Did their shts have sound? What exactly did they get on tape? Erin: I sneezed into my hands without using Purell and then dipped into the candy jar. Did they film that? Nellie: My first week here I sneezed directly into the candy jar because I thought I'd get more [Angela and Oscar make disgusted faces] I thought I'd get more screen time than anyone. Pete: Ok, Pam. Why don't you visit your buddy, the crew guy that got fired? Find out what they got. Pam: Brian? Pete: Yeah. Pam: Yeah, I guess I could. Stanley: Hurry Pam, I need to know how much hellfire is going to rain down on me. Phyllis: I thought Terry knew about Cynthia? Stanley: She does. But neither of them know about Lydia. Group: Oh! Meredith: Wow. Clark: Whoa! Whoa! OK, so what's this lever do? Ruger Sister 1: That manipulates the secondary shaft. Clark: Oh, the secondary shaft. Eeeh, oooga! [laughs] Salesmen: The lift capacity's up at two thousand pounds. That's a lot of beets. Mr. Ruger: Let's talk terms. If you agree to a forty sixty split on this tractor, I'll store it in one of my barns. Dwight: Mr. Ruger, are you trying to take advantage of me because I'm interested in your daughter? Fifty fifty split or no deal. Mr. Ruger: Esther, get in the truck. Dwight: Ok ok ok, wait! You win. [shakes hands] Salesman: Let's get the paperwork started. Ruger Sister 2: We should buy an auger together. Clark: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Ruger Sister 1: You would be a great one to buy an auger with. Stanley: [on phone] Hello, honey? I just spoke to the TV repair man, he says we need to keep our TVs turned off for a couple of months. Something about the wiring. Andy: Oh! Seven new comments. "The guy at 0:19 is hawt!" [typing] "Hi Bongripper, it's me, Andy. The guy from 0:19, I'm glad that you enjoyed my work in that promo. I really enjoyed your comment, going to read some more comments now. Have a great day!"[reading] "He's not hawt, he's gay." [typing] "Dear JasonJasonJason, it's me, Andy. Nice name. Not! Guess what? I'm not gay! So you are an IDIOT. And I am hawt, according to people on this site who have a brain. Never comment on this page ever again." [reading] "He is hawt!" See, thank you, that's more like it. "He is butt." God dammit! I'm about to lose my FREAKING MIND! Screw you TexasPoonTappa! Uh! Dwight: Security deposit. That's been- Mr. Ruger: Standard. Dwight: Right, standard. Clark: Hey, can I talk to you for one second? Dwight: No. Clark: One second. Dwight: No. Clark: One second. Dwight: I am closing a deal on a tractor with the father of a woman I plan to inseminate. Clark: Don't do it. [takes Dwight's pen] Dwight: What? Don't you cap that pen. Do not cap that pen! Do not! Ugh! You capped it. Wow. You are serious. Ok, you've got two minutes and then the cap comes off. Clark: Dude, we're being conned. Dwight: Go on. Clark: These chicks are way too hot to be into us. Esther's just pretending to like you so that you'll buy her daddy a new tractor. Dwight: No. Clark: Yes. Her sister's trying to seduce me into buying an auger with her. Dwight: What? Has the warranty expired on the auger you have now? Clark: I don't even know what an auger is! Dwight: No woman would ever want a man who doesn't know what an auger is. Mr. Ruger: Hey, you ready to sign? Dwight: I just need a moment to consider your offer. Excuse me. [grabs Clark] Brian: Oh, hey! Pam: Hey! Brian: Hi. [laughs] Pam: Hi, um. I'm sorry, do you have a minute? Is this a bad time? Brian: No, no, please, yeah, come on in. It's good to see you. Sorry, my place is usually not this- Pam: Oh my gosh, please, don't. Brian: Yeah, no, I- actually it's always like this. [laughs] Do you want to go outside? It's a little less cluttered out there. Pam: Sure, yeah. Yeah. Brian: Let me grab a couple drinks. Pam: OK. [Goes out onto terrace] Oh wow, you have a nice view. Brian: Alright, that's for you. [hands her beer] Pam: Oh, thank you. Brian: Cheers. Pam: Cheers. Angela: [Plays boom box to drown out sound] Alright, how much have you revealed on camera about your relationship with the senator? Oscar: They caught us kissing on Halloween. Angela: Oh! He was dressed like Ronald Reagan! [Slaps Oscar] Oscar: Oh! Angela: God! Oscar: Angela! Well he kissed like Jack Kennedy! Angela: Oh! [slaps him again] Stop it! Stop kissing him! Someone needs to call and warn him. This could ruin his career. Oscar: Well, I don't like giving him bad news. Angela: Call him! Oscar: You call him! Angela: Call him! [hits Oscar] Oscar: Stop hitting me! Angela: Call him! Call him! Oscar: No! Brian: So... Pam: So.. Brian: What brings you by? Pam: Well, the promo for the documentary aired today. Brian: Oh yeah, that's right. Pam: Yeah. It's kinda crazy. Brian: Yeah, it is. Pam: See all this like old stuff, like um, there's that sht of Jim and I up on the roof? Brian: Oh yeah, that was, that was a good moment. Pam: Yeah, wasn't that neat? Brian: Yeah, it was cool. Pam: Yeah, and there's this one when we were listening to music and it's like, it's like w were in love and we didn't even know we were in love and it's...but- Do you think Jim's changed? Brian: Um... Pam: I'm sorry. Did that? That was out of the blue- Brian: No no, it's- Pam: I just mean because you know us and you like observed us for ten years and I feel like he's- I just feel like...he's so into his work right now and....I don't know, am I crazy? Brian: No, you're not crazy. Pam: Well, I wish that made me feel better. Listen, so everybody saw the promos and they're kinda freaking out. [Brian laughs] Cause it seems like you got a lot of private stuff on camera- Brian: Yeah. Pam: You know, stuff people didn't intend for everyone to see. And they kinda want to know how much. Brian: They want to know how much what? Pam: How much stuff you got. Brian: Pretty much everything. Pam: Well yeah, but what if we turned our mike packs? Brian: They've got parabolic mikes, they can pick you up a hundred yards away, so...no if you were around there, they got you. Pam: So we basically had no privacy for ten years. Brian: That's not really true, I mean- Pam: Um...yeah, I gotta, I gotta go. Brian: Oh no, hang on a second. Pam, I'm sorry, I- I- I can explain this so much better. Pam: No I think you explained it. Brian: Look, if you give me a chance I can, I- [Pam leaves] Pam. Jim: "Together we will win this baseball game against the evil space Yankees. Eat Fresh." Ryan Howard: That'll pay for the exploding helicopter. Jim: Smart. Ryan Howard: "Suddenly, the evil thugs break in to the stadium. The Big Piece hits baseballs at the evil thugs." Jim: "Buy me some peanuts and crcker jacks." Ryan Howard: Come on man, sell it! Darryl: Yeah, Jim. Jim: [louder] "Buy me some peanuts and crcker jacks!" Ryan Howard: Yeah, that's better. A bunch of hot women go: "Oh yeah!" Jim: "Megan, I was too shy to tell you this when I was just a normal professional baseball player, but I love you." Ryan Howard: "They kiss. It is super emotional. Like in Toy Story." Jim: Wow. I tell you what, it's really strong. I can't wait to read the rest of it later and see how it ends. Darryl: It's so strong. Ryan Howard: Keep reading then. Jim: "Gotta go! Darth Vader's launching a huge attck." Ryan Howard: Um another thing. I'm gonna need you to get me the rights to Darth Vader. Jim: I don't know how we'd go about doing that. Darryl: We can look into it. Jim: We'll look into it. Ryan Howard: We need Darth. Jim: We gotta get him. Darryl: We'll go after Darth then. Jim: We're gonna go get him. Darryl: That's what we gotta do. Jim: We're gonna get him. Dwight: Maybe you're right. Esther's a ten and the best I've ever done is Angela who's a nine and she rejected me. Clark: A Scranton nine, but yeah, point taken. Hey, let's go out tonight and just score a couple fours huh? I mean there are no games with fours. Dwight: Who needs a new tractor anyway? Maybe we're the kinda guys who end up with a tractor that's already been rode hard and put away muddy. Clark: Screw new tractors. Guys like us, we gotta plant our seed a different way. Dwight: By hand. Esther: Dwight, we need to talk. Dwight: I don't know that there's anything left for us to talk about, Esther. Esther: Look, we're gonna have the tractor for the same amount of work days but my dad is planning on leasing it to the Vanderkirk brothers on the weekends. Dwight: No. Esther: So you're going to be paying more, but he's putting on ten times the miles and he's pocketing a profit behind your back. Dwight: That snake! Esther: You need to tell him you want a deal based on miles or he can just stick that tractor where the sun don't shine. Dwight: That shady grove out by Willard's pond. Esther: Mmhm. Dwight: So, you're fine with me not leasing the tractor? I mean, our courtship can proceed? Esther: Of course. [laughs] You didn't just think I was tractor bait, did you? Dwight: [laughs] No! Clark: Hey Dwight, what's an auger used for? Dwight: Post hole digging. [points and laughs with Esther] Esther: Stupid. Senator: [On speakerphone] You've reached Senator Robert Lipton, please leave a message. [beep] Angela & Oscar: Hi honey! Oscar: Oh you? Angela: No you go. Hi honey! Oscar: Hey, Hey Robert! Angela: It's Angela and Oscar. Oscar: Hey. Angela: Just a few quick things. Oscar: Um the documentary's going to be airing soon, and, and you look great in the promos. Angela: Oh you look so handsome! Very presidential. Oscar: Very much so. Angela: Yeah. Oscar: Absolutely. Angela: Yeah! Oscar: Hey, I get the sense you're gonna be outed as gay. Angela: Yes and I cheated on you with Dwight, it looks like they got it on film. I didn't tell you about it. Oscar: I think that's it! Angela: I think we're good. Oscar: Done! Angela: Bye! Oscar: Ok! Angela: Love you! [Oscar hangs up] God. Andy: [on video] Hey! TexasPoonTappa and JasonJasonJason and all the rest of you haters out there! Check this out. [plays banjo, screen types out "you suck my nutz" from TexasPoonTappa, camera zooms out to reveal Nellie] Nellie: Good night Andy. Andy: Huh? Yeah, see ya. [sees comment] Oh! What?! [starts crying] Promo Announcer: [Speaks Danish] Pam: I hope you got sound on everything. I'd love a DVD of that. [at computer opens translator. Types in "Elskere" which comes back as "lovers" Pam smiles]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x18 - Promos"}	foreverdreaming
Stanley: [humming] What the hell? No. This is NOT happening. Erin: Didn't you get the memo? It's Stairmageddon! [claps and opens the door to the stairwell] Come on Stanley! [claps] Erin: Dwight is having maintenance done on the elevator today, and he was really on top of it. Weeks ago, he started the Stairmageddon Awareness campaign. The idea was to get us prepared, both mentlly and physically, for a day that hopefully comes once in a 100 years. It's a... "Mageddon!" Erin: Come on! Come on, Stanley! Stay in it! Stanley: [growls] I put 17 damn years into this company, and now they're making me climb Stair Mountain! Erin: Come on! [claps] Oscar: Our office has an unusually large number of... unusually large people. Stanley: This is an abomination. Erin: Come on. You got this. Here. Oscar: So when something as routine as elevator maintenance happens, and people are forced to expend cardiovascular effort, we have to compare it to the end of time. Andy: Red alert! Red alert! The reviews are in! I repeat, the reviews are in. Oscar: What? Andy: I just got a text from my brother. Scranton Times Tribune.com. There's a review of the documentary! Phyllis: [gasps] What does it say? Andy: I don't know, Phyllis! I just got the text and started screaming, "Red Alert." Dwight: Well, the alert was already set to "Red" because of Stairmageddon. You think I should set it to "Double Red"? Andy: I think we should. Stanley: [drinks a 5-Hour Energy sht and groans] Oscar: "The Office: An American Workplace airing on PBS next month is a documentary following the employees of Scranton's own Dunder Mifflin Paper Company!" Everyone: Whoo! [applause] Nellie: "In this series, which will air starting in May, we get an in-depth look at many interesting local people. There's Kevin Malone, the falstaffian accountant. Dwight Schrute, the head salesman forever chasing a manager position he will never get." Dwight: What does Josh McAuliffe know about the paper business? He works for a news...thing. Nellie: "Andy Bernard, the rudderless trust fund child-slash-middle manager, whose incompetence is emblematic of a declining American economy." Phyllis: Ouch. Sorry, Andy, that's-. Andy: It's okay. [chuckles] The hell does he know? Nellie: "A possible explanation for his lack of career focus is his surprising musical talent." Andy: I want you to print that out for me. Nellie: I will. Andy: Now that this documentary is coming out, my days at Dunder Mifflin are probably limited. And you know what? Good. Because this is not what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be my generation's Lisa Loeb. Erin: "Though it mostly focuses on the daily realities of office life, a lurid subplot reveals the hypocrisy of a local public figure embroiled in a gay affair while preaching family values." Nellie: Oh! Which public figure? Erin: I bet it's Katie Couric. I've been saying this for years. Phyllis: No, I think they mean more like a politician. Stanley: [walks into the office grunting and wheezing] You own the building. Why can't you fix the elevator in the middle of the night? Who do I look like? Jackie Joyner-Kersee? Dwight: Well, I did say it would be an inconvenience. You should have called me from downstairs. We could've met in the lobby. It's time to go out on a sale! Here we go. Stanley: Son, you've lost your mind. I'm not going anywhere until you fix my elevator. Dwight: The buyer is your sister's friend. This is the printing paper for the entire school district of Lackawanna. You are coming, and that's an order. Stanley: You are not my damn boss and you never will be! Guess what? Never gonna happen! Pete! Iced tea. Three sugars, five creams. Pete: Your morning 3-by-5. Coming right up. Pam: Well, we won't be late. I love you, mom. Thanks. Nellie: Oh, your mom's watching the kids tonight. So what are you two up to? [chuckles] Oh, um, Embassy Suites. "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. Mommy and Daddy are on the floor. Pam: [laughs] I wish. Nellie: [chuckles] What, then? Pam: Oh, nothing that exciting. Nellie: Marriage counseling? Pam: Hmm. Nellie: Did you know that is the only kind of counseling I have never had? Pam: You know, Jim's kind of nervous about it, but I think it could really help. Nellie: Mmm. Pam: I mean, we've having issues. It can't hurt to talk about them, right? Jim: Hey, Toby. Um, I wanted to ask you a question. Toby: Oh, sure. Jim: It's a little, uh, personal. Toby: Let's do it. Let's get personal. Jim: I wanted to talk to you about your divorce. Toby: Whoa. Jim: Sorry. I—no, no, no, what I meant—what I meant actually was— Toby: Oh, yeah, no, it's okay. I can handle it. Um, so... Jim: You guys obviously went through some tough times leading up to it. Toby: [chuckles, snorts] Jim: Okay. I was wondering if you ever did any couple's counseling. Toby: Oh, sure, lots of times. Yeah. Wait, you and Pam aren't in couple's counseling, are you? Oh, God. Jim: No, no, no, no, no. Uh, we're just starting couple's counseling. Uh, which doesn't sound any better. Toby: Oh, you guys. Kelly called it. 2013. So s—hey! Hey! Hey, no! No! Get outta here. Clark, get outta here. Clark: My mistake. Toby: Yes, it is your mistake. He's lingering. So annoying. I'm gonna kll him. How can I help? I'm here. Jim: That's all right. Andy: Hello, William Morris Agency. I need to speak with your best agent who represents your biggest stars. Yes, I'll hold. I'm sorry. I misunderstood. Goodbye. [hangs up phone] Angela: Thank you, Stan. Oh, honey. [Stan closes limo door] Look, I just want our life to get back to normal. Ribbon cuttings, charity balls. Robert: Don't worry. I've scheduled a press conference for later today. We just need to face the camera together. A beloved public servant and his devoted wife. And move on. Angela: All right, if I have to be the good wife, I'll be the best damn wife there is. Correction. Best darn wife. Sorry, I'm a better wife than that. [sighs] Dwight: Andy—[knocks] I need to talk to you. Andy: Yeah, come on in. I'm just on hold with another talent agency. It's insane. This promo with me playing banjo has 250 views already. And every time I click, there's more. 251. 252. I can't even keep up! Dwight: Stanley is refusing to go out on a sales call. Andy: [grunts intensely] I hate people! Why do they never do what you need them to do? Stanley has to go. That's final. Dwight: So what I'm hearing you say is, "Make Stanley go out on the sales call by whatever means possible"? Andy: Yes! I'm sorry I'm being curt, it's just I'm about to land a top talent agent. Dwight: Mm-hmm. Good luck. Andy: [on the phone] Directory? Movie Star department. Back. Directory. Dwight: For five years I've held my instincts in check because I wanted to be made manager. Maybe it's time for me to just let that thought go. It's kind of painful, but it's also freeing in a way. Now it's all about my instincts. Clark: Hey, Dwight. Dwight: Stanley, one way or another, you are gonna come with me to make this sale. Stanley: Pass. Clark: Hey, c-c-can you just let me out of here before whatever comes next? Dwight: Don't worry, it's just a bull tranquilizer. Nothing to be alarmed about. It's just a man pointing a bull tranquilizer at a coworker. Stanley: Dwight, you do not learn, do you? For a thrat to be credible, you ha— Dwight: [fires tranquilizer gn at Stanley] Clark: Holy [bleep]. Stanley: No, you didn't. Sick of you and your—ooh— Dwight: [fires tranquilizer gn twice] Stanley: [falls to the floor with a loud thud] Dwight: It's all right. Andy approved it. Meredith: Man, he's really in twinkle town now. Clark: Is he gonna be okay? I mean, weren't those darts intended for an animal, like, two to three times larger than him? Dwight: Okay, this dosage was meant for a very small bull, and Stanley's got way more body fat than they do. Clark: You gave him three shts. Dwight: Shh. Got about 45 minutes to get him to the client before he comes to. [claps] Grab his feet. [grunts] Let's go! Clark: All right. Dwight: Move it! One, two, three. [grunts] Dwight: He's like a manatee. Ready? Let's go again. Come on. We can do this. One, two, three! [Stanley's head hits the door frame] Oh, God. No wonder my elevator cables are under such strain. Clark: We gotta get a wheelbarrow or something. Dwight: Yes. Dwight: [grunts] Okay, we're good. We're good. Let's go. Push! Clark: I am! Clark: Any good weekend plans? Dwight: I might see a movie. Clark: Nice. Dwight: What about you? Clark: Uh, I don't know yet. Dwight: [grunts] Let's take him— Clark: I was thinking about... Dwight: Let's go right to the top of the stairs, okay? Clark: And then what? Dwight: Okay, listen. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I've never actually done this before. Clark: Well, if I may, you're a natural. Dwight: Thank you. I mean, I've rehearsed it in my head like 1,000 times, but, uh... Clark: That's a little weird. Dwight: I know. Evel Knievel. Dwight: [wraps tape around Stanley's body] Clark: [connect helmet straps around Stanley's head] That's about as good as that's gonna be. Dwight: Okay, now here's the plan. I'm gonna launch him. I need you to go to the bottom and catch him. Clark: Catch? Dwight: Yeah. Clark: I can't catch him. He's like, 250 pounds. Dwight: You use your hands and just blunt his descent, okay? He's gonna be moving slowly. It's only— Clark: Blunt? Dwight: It's 15 feet down, it's at a 45-degree angle. Get set in your haunches, it's like your catching a medicine— Clark: Dude, this size of my haunches— [Stanley's body slips down the stairs and his head thumps into a wall] Dwight: Okay. Good call. He would have put a hole in your chest same as he put a hole in that wall. Clark: We should probably call a doctor or something, dude. Dwight: [slides down the stairs and lands next to Stanley] You okay? Jim: So how does it work? It's like, you know, the action of talking to a third party breaks up the log jam, or... Toby: You're really there to talk to each other. I would say that the therapist is more of a facilitator. Jim: Mm-hmm. Toby: He might start by asking each of you, "Why do you think you're here?" Pam: He took this job in Philly without telling me. He bought our house without telling me. At a certain point, he shouldn't be rewarded for that. Jim: If I didn't do certain things without telling Pam, she'd be married to Roy. [chuckles] Pam: I feel like he's always making these decisions for the family, and then I'm left playing catch-up. Jim: If she can just hang on for a little while longer, I—this will be so huge for our family. Toby: Well, what's a little while? Jim: What do you mean? Toby: I mean, what's the end date? It must be really hard for her to sign on to be unhappy if she doesn't know when it's gonna end. Jim: That's kind of an impossible question. Erin: Oh, guys, it's starting! Hurry! Kevin: Ooh, there's Angela! I work with her! Andy: Huh, yeah. [chuckles] I mean, I'm happy Angela's the first one getting famous, but it's a little weird, no? I mean, she can't sing or act, so it's actually kind of insane, if you think about it. Phyllis: Her hair looks beautiful. Andy: Yeah, we get it, Phyllis, she looks like a freakin' movie star! [kicks trash can] Erin: Andy! Robert: [on the computer screen] I would just to start by saying that there have been some rumors about my personal life that I would like to settle once and for all. As my long-suffering wife can attest... I am gay. Crowd: [surprised chatter] Reporter #1: Senator, were always gay, or did your wife turn you gay? Reporter #2: Question for the Senator's beard. Robert: [on the computer screen] I'll say it again for mis amigos latinos. Yo soy hm. Pete: Poor Angela. Phyllis: Yeah. Poor Angela. Robert: I once believed that a gay person could be somewhat straight. It wasn't until my marriage to Angela that I realized how...charmless I find the female body. Meredith: Oof. Always hurts to hear that one. Robert: There's someone else I need to thank. His name is Oscar Martinez. Andy: Come on! Robert: Oscar is the one who opened my eyes to who I really am. For the first time— Erin: Oscar is with the Senator too? Kevin: Yes! And I knew it the whole time! I kept the secret. I kept the secret so good. You didn't know, you didn't know, and you didn't freaking know. But I knew! [claps] Oscar: He knew! Kevin: Yes, we did it! Oscar: You did it, Kevin. Kevin: Yes! Ohh! I did it. Ohh, I did it. Robert: --with this new self-awareness, I was finally able to find love at long last. With my amazing... Chief of Staff Wesley Silver. Oscar: What?! Creed: Wesley Silver's gay? Crowd: [surprised chatter] Angela: [gasps] Kevin: Ohh. Creed: They make a nice couple. Angela: [gags] Dwight: Almost there. Almost there. [opens car door] Okay. We're running late. Let's get him inside. Clark: We can't just leave him bubble wrapped like this. Dwight: Are you kidding me? The bubble wrap is the only thing that's stopping his suit from getting wrinkled. These meetings are all about presentation. Clark: That's actually really smart. Dwight: Thank you. Clark: God, if only there was any other use or situation for that kind of knowledge. Dwight: Let's get him inside. Andy: Carla Fern is not just an actor's agent. She does writers, directors, travel, and real estate. Andy: Actor? Man: Oh, no. [chuckles] Well, I have an act. Dog, cat, mouse. Andy: Yeah, wow, cool. Is it hard to train them to do that? Man: Eh, you go through a lot of mice. Man: If started by accident as these things tend to do. You know, I was setting down my cat, and I accidently put her on top of my dog, and I was, like, so mad at myself at first. And then I was, like, wait. Wait a second. Andy: Does anything go on top of the mouse? Man: Yeah. Little hat. Andy: Aw, that's cute. Man: Yeah. Andy: What's the mouse's name? Man: Eh, you know, it really doesn't make sense to name the mice. They're kinda like cannon fodder, you know? You're not one of those PETA guys , are you? [cat jumps off dog] Oh, great. Clark: Hey, wait, wait, how—how are we doing this? Dwight: Well, I'll grab the forelegs, and you push his hindquarters. Clark: Just say "arms" and "legs," okay? That just—that's the vernacular that I'm comfortable with. Dwight: Fine, let's go. [grunts] Clark: [sighs] Dwight: Hoist his shank on three. Clark: Wha—What's a shank? Dwight: It's by the tenderloin. Dwight: Roll him, roll him, roll him. Good. Good. Okay, careful, he's slouching. Okay, can you—sl-slouch him into the seat. [sighs] Here. Here. Go around and get his seatbelt. [grunts] Clark: All right. Dwight: Got it? Clark: Yeah—yup yup. Dwight: [grunts and closes car door] Get in the back. Clark: What? Dwight: Get in the back. Clark: Aw, come on. Dwight: Get in. Clark: Damn it. Dwight: Okay, Stanley? Do you understand what we're about to do? Stanley: Helllloooo! Clark: Okay. We, hey—hey, listen, listen. We are going to go discuss paper contracts for city of Lackawanna public schools, okay? Stanley: Pigeons. Dwight: Oh, God, this is bad. Looks like we've got no choice. You, my friend, are going to have to be Stanley Hudson. Clark: Isn't the client, like, best friends with his sister? Dwight: New plan, okay? We get him a cup of coffee and we go back to the old plan. Let's go! Gimme a hand. Here we go. Come on, Stanley! Here we go. Upsie-doozie. There we go. Okay, all right. Come on, big guy. You can walk, right? Yeah. What a pretty smile. Let's go. Pam: I'm sure Athlead will be a huge success. But I don't want him to do it anymore, and I don't want to give him an ultimatum, but I am not moving our family to Philly. Jim: Well, if Pam says she won't go, then—[chuckles] we're gonna need a lot more than counseling. Hmph. Nellie: That was exhausting. Toby: Blah blah blah blah. Jim. Nellie: Well, they deserve each other, then. Toby: They do. That they do. Nellie: That is for sure. Toby: [whispers] That they do. Dwight: And for—oh, whoopsie daisy. [chuckles] Mrs. Davis: Stanley, what is going on here? Dwight: He's fine. He gets carsick really easily. Clark: Driving. Dwight: It's a long drive. He was in the backseat. But right now we're talking to Mrs. Davis about the full range of the products that we offer and our competitive rates, right, Stanley? Stanley: Ooh-hoo, look at that baby... Dwight: Stanley. Stanley: Ohhh... Mrs. Davis: That's Benji in the middle. Stanley: That's Benji. Oh, he's precious. That's a healthy-looking baby. Mrs. Davis: Very special little boy. Dwight: Look at him. I've never seen such a beautiful child. Mrs. Davis: Funny sense of humor. If you push on his nose, he'll go, "eee." Dwight: Like this? Watch. Stanley: Eee. Everyone: [laughs] Mrs. Davis: Like that. Stanley: A beautiful family. Dwight: [laughs] Right? Come on! Dwight: Yeah, maybe I'll never be manager, but I just managed to get our most stubborn salesman to close a sale with one of our biggest clients, and I must say, it's the most pleasant I've ever seen Stanley. I think we should consider injecting him with bull tranquilizer on a daily basis. Carla: So, what can you do? Andy: [Australian accent] Well, what can't I do? Right, I can sing, I can dance, I can play the banjo, innit? And if you hadn't noticed, I've got a pretty good British accent. Carla: Can you drive a car? Andy: At the risk of sounding arrogant, I did drive myself here. Carla: Why do you have, uh, a high school musical here on your resume? What are you, like, 40? 45? Andy: My exact age is 28 to 34, so basically just send me out on whatever Jake Gyllenhaal's going out on. Carla: Gyllenhaal, got it. Can you juggle and crap? Andy:: Yes. And yes. [chuckles] Carla: Would you dress up as, say, a birthday clown and go to a kid's party, let ‘em throw pies at ya? Andy: Whereas that is not why I have entered show business, I do understand that you have to build credibility. [sniffs] I'm all for it. Carla: Well, Mr. Bernard, I'm gonna be honest with you. Andy: Well, at least I tried. Thank you very much. Carla: Uh, no. We're—we're gonna take you on as a client. Andy: You are? Yes! Yes. Are you being for real right now? Oh, man. Ah, yes! I need this so bad. I really think this is what could fix me. Carla: We are extremely excited to be working with you too, sir. Pay Todd on your way out. Andy: Most talent agents take 10% of whatever jobs they get you, but with Carla you pay a flat rate of $5,000 up front. And that includes headshots. Todd: Uh, it doesn't include headshots. Andy: It doesn't include headshots. Todd: No. Andy: Well, of course not, because that would be insane if it did. Still getting a bargain, though. Stanley: So I just smiled and complimented her grandkids, and we closed it? Dwight: You earned yourself a nice, fat commission and you didn't even know it. I'll go tell Andy the good news. Oh. [chuckles] Silly me. Gotta take the stairs. Stanley: Oh, no, I'm not doing that again. You got me down, you gotta get me back up. Dwight: Well—no, no—n— Stanley: [sab his own leg with a tranquilizer dart and falls to the ground] Dwight: [stomps on the ground] We need a winch and a hoist.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x19 - Stairmageddon"}	foreverdreaming
Erin: Oh. Hey, champions. Toby: Good morning. Clark: Quater finals in an hour. Hope you got some sleep cause I am going to be haunting your nightmares tonight. Erin: I did. I got some really good sleep. Clark: Did you? [pushes pencil cup at Erin] Erin: [grabs pencils out of cup quickly as cup falls] Bzzz. Dwight: Yesterday was the first round of a branch wide paper airplane contest. It was being sponsored by Weyer-Hammer Paper in an effort to get us to sell more of their new product Airstream Deluxe A4, the Cadillac of paper. It's not so easy on the environment, if you know what I mean. [whispers] Practically made of plastic. Nellie: We started with sixteen brave aviators. Some use skill [cut to Kevin flying paper airplane], others relied on showmanship [cut to Dwight throwing airplane at Nate with an apple on his head] others seem not to comprehend what a paper airplane is. [cut to Creed throwing a melon] And of course, there was the odd moment of heartbreak and disaster. Toby: Hey I left my glasses down here somewhere. Crossing through, beep beep. [Pam's plane ht Toby in the eye] Toby: Ow! Ow! Pam: I didn't see you! You should have yelled "Crossing!" Toby: [crying] I'm sorry! Pam: Ok, so is that my spot? Nellie: We are now down to an elite eight. Well, seven and Toby. Andy: [Reading from script] Be careful of that beaker, it contains dangerous acid! Darryl: It does not say dangerous. And there's no exclamation point. Andy: Well I'm just trying to bring some life to it. Andy: Last week I got an agent and uh, this week I got a movie. HRPDC chemical handling protocols. It's gonna be seen by tons of workers in the industrial chemical community. One of whom could have a cousin whose brother's Brad Pitt. And boom, next thing you know, I'm in Moneyballs Two. Toby: Andy? Andy: Go away, we're running lines. Toby: You wanted to see the gooey eye. Andy: Oh yeah. Alright, get over here. I am so freaked out by things going into eyes. I just- wow. [moves to lift Toby's eye patch] Uggggh! I can't even, I'm so freaked out by that, just go. Go go go go go. Toby: Alright, it's getting gooier so we'll just do it later. Andy: Yeah, Ok. [Closes door] Alright. Where were we? Darryl: Something full of acid. Andy: And remember: Do not attempt to extinguish a chemical fre with water. You will only exacerbate the flame. The dangerous flame. Darryl: [claps] That was great man. Alright, I'm out of here. Andy: W-w-w-wait. Stop stop stop. Don't go anywhere. I just need to find more colors. Let's do it six more times. Jim: Hey. I just wanted to say that you woke up early with the kids and let me sleep and I really appreciate that. Pam: Thank you. I appreciate that you appreciate that. Pam: So, we had couple's therapy. Jim: No shame in that. Get it all out in the open. Pam: And we have homework. Jim: Yes, we are supposed to look for every chance to acknowledge and appreciate each other's sacrifices. Because I need to appreciate what Pam's been doing to run the house while I'm in Philly. Pam: And we're also supposed to speak our truths. Jim: Mmhm. Pam: Because if I had spoken my truth sooner about not wanting to move to Philly, then maybe we wouldn't have had this opportunity for couple's therapy. Jim: Oh, we're supposed to call everything we don't want to do "opportunities." Andy: Heads up everyone. If you really need something from me today, let's get it done tomorrow. Carla Fern got me a gig. Pam: Hey! Andy: Yeah. Stanley: Who's Carla Fern? Andy: Who is Carla Fern? Well, wow. Uh, she's my agent and my drill sargent. And one of my best friends. Oh, and Oscar, I already figured it out. If I have to get emotional in the film, I'm just going to think about you getting dumped by the Senator. Oscar: Why wouldn't you use your own life? Erin just dumped you. Andy: Little raw. Not cool Oscar. Oscar: But you just! Andy: Not cool. Nellie: Hey. Day two. Drama in the warehouse skies. This is Robert from Weyer-Hammer Paper, who will be joining us to judge the final rounds. Robert: Who's pumped for the quarter finals, huh? Dwight: I'm pumped! Erin: Clark's a dad man. Robert: Alright. Sounds like somebody wants to walk away with this. [holds up large check for $2,000] Angela: Oh my god! Group: Whoa. Angela: Nellie you didn't tell us we could win money. Nellie: Oh yes I did, I told you all. It was..um, cause that's an awful lot of money for me to forget. Stanley: Not one of us remembers you saying anything about two thousand dollars. Nellie: I forgot. I completely forgot. But at least now that large piece of cardboard that man was carrying around makes sense. Erin: Nellie, this is a competition. Please take it seriously. Nellie: Oh please. [Dwight watches Angela folding paper airplane] Angela: Me? Oh, I'm fine. I mean, sure, times are leaner now that I'm separated from the Senator. But my new studio apartment is just fine [camera shows small cluttered space with excessive cats and Phillip crying] for me.. and Phillip... and Tinky... and Crinklepuss, and Bandit 2, and Pawlick Baggins, and Lady Aragorn and their 10 kittens. Phillip: [cries] Angela: Come here, come here. Let's go. Angela: I had a chance with Dwight, but I didn't take it. And if I went back now, when I'm broke and he just inherited a farm, I'd be one of those gold-digging tramps you read about that try to bag a farmer. Dwight: I offered myself to Angela and she turned me down. If she changes her mind, the next move is hers. I'm with Esther now. She's younger than Angela, sturdier, more comfortable with the scent of a manured field. Let's be honest. When it came to manured fields, Angela was at best indifferent. Clark: Oh, wide wings, interesting. Erin: Hey. Why don't you back off?[looks at Pete]...I mean best of luck to you in the competition. Erin: Growing up in an orphanage, you have to fight other kids. For everything. Snacks, pillows, parents. I'm kinda worried about Pete seeing that side of me. I once ripped greedy Susan's pigtail right off her head. Just for a handful of Crispix. Carla Fern: Are you in that paper documentary too? Darryl: Yep. Carla Fern: Do you need an agent? Andy: No. He's- I mean, you've never acted in anything before. He's just my entourage. Darryl: I was in The Whiz in high school. Andy: That's the cleaky clacker! He clicks that and then the guy says "action." Carla Fern: Hey, I made them get you a chair. All my clients sit. Woman: Can I take your picture? Andy: I guess it's starting. Um, yeah. Of course. Yeah sure. Tell you what. I'll put my arm around you and then I can take it- Woman: We just need a picture of the top of your head in case we burn some of your hair off. Andy: Got it. [lowers head to show hair, but keeps looking up just as she tries to take the picture] Woman: No, if you could just keep it down until.. Andy: Sorry. Nellie: OK, next up we have two creatures great and small. Kevin versus Angela. Kevin: Yes! Dwight: Hey, that is a really nice plane. You make that yourself? Kevin: Uh huh. Dwight: Well, what am I thinking? Of course you made that yourself. Cause it's in the rules that you have to fold your own plane. Kevin: Of course. Nellie: Kevin, did you make that yourself? Kevin: Yes. In a way. From one that I bought on Craigslist. Nellie: Oh man. Dwight: I call for a refold! Kevin: No. Angela: Really? [to Dwight] Thank you. Kevin: This is flatter. Dwight: It's a piece of paper. You fold it into an airplane. Nellie: Ok, that's enough. This is the end of the ring now. You have to pick one. Kevin: I can't. I love them all too much. And, none of them fly. So that makes it harder. Nellie: You have to choose one now. Kevin: Fine. [throws plane, doesn't fly] Nellie: Angela advances. Erin: Nice. Dwight: [clapping] Whoo! Angela: Was Dwight rooting for me? Hmm. I hadn't noticed. Kevin: I'm not giving up. I'm going to keep making planes until one of them flies. Like Wilbur and Orville Redenbacher. Jim: An Earl Grey tea for the lady. Pam: Oh, thank you. I acknowledge and appreciate that you went out of your way to get me tea. Jim: Thank you. I like being appreciated. But, to speak my truth, it wasn't out of the way because I felt like a tea anyway. So, one trip. Pam: Well, to speak my truth, I switched to coffee in March. There's a new espresso machine. But I still acknowledge and appreciate the gesture. Director: We are rolling and...action! Andy: [Happily] This video is to demonstrate the HPRDC chemical handling protocols. These protocols could save you from severe injury, even death. Producer: Ok, um, stop. Um, why are you smiling so much? Andy: Just made a character choice to be a scientist who really likes what he does and enjoys his job. Director: Ok, well maybe no smiling on this one. Andy: So how do you want, how should I do it? Director: I don't know, just like you're reporting the news or something. Ok? Andy: [ridiculous news voice] This video is to demonstrate the HPRDC chemical handling protocols. Director: Ok. Andy: It's Tom Brokaw, it's a newscaster. Director: Who was that? Andy: Tom Brokaw! Dwight: Come on Clark! Angela: Come on Clark. [Clark throws plane, Erin throws plane it goes much farther] Dwight: Whoa! Erin: Yeah! Oh! Eat it piggy! Eat it! Oink oink oink oink! Clark: We've still gotta work together, so we should keep it civil. Erin: [Snorts and grunts] I can't hear what you said. [snorting, grunting] You got your slop? [Squeals] Clark: You know what, this is completely unnecessary. You already won... Pete: Erin! Erin! Just stop. Erin: What? Pete: Relax. Nellie: Next up we have Dwight and Phyllis. Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration: You can do it baby! Angela: No you can't baby! [to Dwight, whispers] Good luck. Dwight: Watch and learn. Erin: Wow. Group: Oh! Nellie: Dwight defeats Phyllis, Dwight you are through to the semi-finals. Dwight: Yes! Angela: Whoo! Dwight: Oh, Esther. Esther: Hey. Dwight: What are you- [Esther kisses him] You're here early. Esther: Yeah, I plucked the chickens extra fast cause I knew I was seeing you tonight. There might just be a little feather in your nuggets or a little bit of meat inside of your pillow. Dwight: I like a little feather in my nuggets. [both laugh] Nellie: Alright ladies and gentlemen, we are down to the final four. Dwight, Erin, Angela and god only knows how, but Toby. One of you will walk away with two thousand dollars. Erin: Yeah! Director: Ok here you have just knocked over the beaker, the chemicals splashed in your eye. Andy: Which is insanely painful. Director: Yeah. Andy: And I've already picked a few childhood memories to tap in to, to really express that pain. Director: That's great. So what you're gonna do then is come over here to the eye washing station and then just kinda flush out your eyes. You know, get the chemicals out. Alright? Andy: So I just lean over this thing and then you'll add the water special effect later? Director: What water special effect? Producer: Yeah, yeah just hold your lids open with one hand and let the stream bathe your eyeballs. Andy: I'm not comfortable doing my own stunts. I'll get nude if you want me to, I'll go full Lena Dunham but I- Director: Dude, we don't need you to go nude, OK? So just do the eyewash, Ok? That's all we're asking. Andy: Darryl, what do I do? Darryl: Hold up, I'm looking at my spit with a microscope. Andy: They want me to use real water in the eye wash scene. Darryl: So? Andy: I can't squirt stuff in my eyeball. I've never even used an eye dropper. Production Assistant: So Andy, so you know how to use this. You step on the pedal, water squirts in your eyes. Andy: Carla! Carla! Nellie: It is time for a little T & A. I give you: Toby and Angela. Angela: [throws plane far] Oh my god! Oh my god. Ok it's your turn. [Toby crumples plane and steps aside. Nellie: Well, Angela is the winner. Angela: Yes! Esther: [to Dwight] Is there a reason that we're excited for that little woman? Dwight: Yes. I pity her. She was recently in a situation where she could have had it all, and instead she lost everything. Esther: Oh. Is she a gambler? Dwight: In a way. But not in a stand up and cheer kind of way, like the song. Esther: Hmm. That is sad. Carla Fern: [grabs Andy by the cheeks] Andy! If you don't stick your eyes in that machine, I'm going to call every production in North Eastern Pennsylvania. You won't even make an appearance on a security camera! [Andy starts to cry] Producer: What's the hold up here? Director: The actor's crying. Producer: Oh god. Andy: She yelled at me. I can't wash my eyeball. I can't do that. I can't. Darryl: Andy Bernard can't squirt water in his eye and act like it doesn't freak him out. But you know who can? Older Male Lab Assistant Number One. Andy: Do you believe in me? Darryl: I believe I want to go home. Dwight: [throws plane far] Yeah! Ok! bat that! [Erin throws plane, loses, Dwight laughs] Whoo! Ok. Erin: Dammit! Dammit, god. [To Pete] Sorry. Yeah I'm fine. I'm fine. I got mad. Cause I don't like losing. I'm just gonna- Sorry I'm mad! I'm mad, I'm really mad. I wanted to win. We were gonna win a lot of money, I was gonna buy you a sweater. It's stupid. Just the whole contest is stupid. That's how it feels. Pete: Yeah. [Erin kicks box] Whoa! Erin: Sorry I'm mad! I don't like losing! I thought I was going to win! Pete: Ok [tries to help her] Hey hey hey, whoa. Erin: Sorry. Sorry. I'm going to go upstairs and just... Pam: Oh, I made us a date to take my mom out to dinner to thank her for all that extra babysitting. Jim: Well, you know how much I appreciate the opportunity to hang out with your mom more. So let me just put this in my calendar. Pam: I acknowledge with gratitude that you are being kind and responsible enough to include it in your calendar. Jim: Thank you. Your mom is a treasure. Pam: Well, I appreciate that some opportunities can be unpleasant- [Jim's phone rings, he answers] Jim: Hey that's work, hold on. Hey Wade, did Cole Hamels call back or what? Great. Good. Pam: Uh, to speak my truth, I'd appreciate if you hung that up cause we were in the middle of a conversation. [Jim hangs up phone] I appreciate the sacrifice. Jim: Ok to speak my truth, that was a little sarcastic. I think that's a little unfair. Pam: Really? I've been putting the kids to bed by myself every night for a months. And you had to miss one phone call. Is that your truth, Jim? That's really your truth? Jim: I guess I will swallow my truth. Clark: Are you guys high? Because if so, to speak my truth, I would appreciate the sacrifice of including me in some hits off your kind buds. Pam: We're not high. Pam: I wish we'd started this exercise six months ago. My heart just feels so... blocked up. Kevin: The Mark 47 is ready for launch. [throws plane but it sticks to his hand] Less paste. Director: Here we go. Rolling and... action! Andy: [doing eyewash] AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!! Director: And cut. We can fix the sound in post. Producer: Yeah. Andy: I can do a better one. Producer: That's fine, we'll move on. Andy: I said I can do a better one. Darryl... Darryl: Action! Andy: [eyewashes again] AHH! AHH! AHH! Carla Fern: Kid can act! Andy: Yeah! Yeah. Nellie: Each contestant will throw two aeroplanes. Dwight: After you. Angela: Thank you. [plane loops up and falls at her feet] Oh god! Nellie: Angela's first throw, terrible. Dwight. Dwight: [fake throws and drops plane] Oh! Oh man! It slipped out of my hand, what a whiff. Ah, how'd that happen? God. [Angela smiles] Esther: We want you to win. Dwight told me about your situation. It's such a pity. Use the money wisely. [Angela looks disgusted] Dwight: Alright. Angela: Don't you dare t*nk this. [Dwight throws plane far, Angela fake throws and drops her plane] Nellie: And we have a winner. And it's Dwight. And it is everyone because this is over. Creed: Two grand huh? I know a guy who can turn that into eight hundred dollars. And it's me. Angela: [To Esther] Well, I guess you needed the money more than me huh? Use it wisely. Angela: I was disappointed in Dwight today. He showed a weakness that was unbecoming. Even if he did do it for me. I don't need pity and I don't need charity. I have my dignity and that's enough. And as long as I have that, I'll be ok. Jim: I know this was really weird, and it was really hard. But I think we're making progress. So I'm really sorry that I have to go but let's keep at this. Ok? Pam: Ok. [intense moment where Jim leaves and Pam seems conflicted. She notices his umbrella and runs out to follow him] Pam: Jim! [hands him umbrella] Jim: Thanks. Pam: Alright, have a good trip. Jim: Bye. Pam: Bye. [walks away] Jim: Hey! [Runs after her and looks into her eyes] I... [hugs her tightly, Pam doesn't hug back] Pastor: [Flashback to Jim & Pam's wedding] Love suffers long and is kind. It is not proud. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. [Pam hugs Jim back finally] And now these three remain: Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. [Pam kisses Jim] Pam: I love you. Jim: I love you.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x20 - Paper Airplane"}	foreverdreaming
Jim: I'm taking some time off from work—well, my other work—because we needed it. Pam: It's great. Jim: It's great. Pam: The phone has been ringing off the hook. The guys in Philly are kind of going nuts. Jim: But that doesn't matter. This does. It's the only thing that matters. We've had some really nice days together. Pam: Nice morning, too. Jim: Beesly! Oh, my god. Andy: Hey. Which tie makes me look like a guy who likes sofas? My agent's putting me up for a furniture commercial. Jim: Ah, definitely blue. Andy: Totally, right? So, Big Tuna, what's up? Back in the small pond? Jim: For now, yeah. I was spreading myself way too thin— Andy: Thin-sliced tuna. Carpaccio. Go on. Jim: Uh, well, it took me a while, but I finally realized that I can't give 100% to two things at once you know. Andy: Tell me about it, you know? I've been trying to act and manage this branch. Half the time I don't know if I'm wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup. Jim: Huh. Well, you know, you can't have everything so you gotta ask yourself what makes you the happiest. You just go all in for what's most important. That's my new thing. Oscar: [noticing Angela looking very unkempt] Is everything ok? Angela: No. Everything is not okay. The county took my cats. Kevin: Wait, all of them? Angela: Two sacks' worth. Apparently my apartment complex has rules about how many pets are too many for a studio. And while I was out picking Phillip up from daycare, they came. They came into my house. Oscar: That's—that's awful, Angela. I'm so sorry. Angela: It's the [bleep] that lives downstairs. She's this uptight, judgmental shrew. You know the type. Kevin: I've never met anyone like that. Angela: And they're gone. And I have no one left. Without my cats, I am utterly and completely alone. Oscar: Angela, you still have your son. Angela: I guess. Dwight: Attention, everyone. May I have your attention? There are four new deadly wapon in this office. [kicking and punching] Basher, Thrasher, Crasher and— Jim: Smasher! Dwight: Smasher? No, where'd you get that? Fireball. This morning after hours of combat with some of the city's best teenagers I earned my black belt in Goju Ryu martial arts. Dwight: I had to find a new dojo after sensei Ira and I parted ways. My new sensei, sensei Billy, thought I had more than enough training to take the test. Turns out, sensei Ira was a bit of a shyster. Sensei Billy says most students don't spend $150,000 over 20 years to get their black belt. Dwight: I would like to invite you all to my black belt ceremony, right here in the office at lunch, lunch not provided. Jim: Fireball! Dwight: Ah! [throws punch] That's how it's done. Jim: That's pretty good. I feel safe. David Wallace: Hey, Erin. Is Andy in? Erin: Oh, is Andy in? Sorry, I thought you said "is Indian" and was like, "Is Indian what?" Is Indian food good? Is Indian jewelry pretty? Is Indian hair an expensive kind of wig? Yes, to all three, by the way. Erin: Lately, I've been having a lot of trouble keeping track of Andy's calendar. His student film audition schedule is crazy hectic. Erin: Yes, there's Andy! Andy is in. I'm a good receptionist, I know he's in. Andy: David Walrus, in his native habitat. David Wallace: Hey, Andy. Can we go in your office and talk? Andy: Yeah. David Wallace: This isn't going to be an easy conversation. I told Andy that he was on very thin ice when he snuck away from three months to the Caribbean. Then last week he used company money to buy a top-of-the-line photo printer. In his words, "The kind that's good for head shts." And yesterday, he asked me to pay for cheek implants. Claimed it's gonna boost office morale. Now, he's a good guy. But honestly, at some point, the ice gets too thin and you fall through. And that is when you get fired. David Wallace: Andy— Andy: I'm gonna stop you right there. David, this documentary is going to air in two weeks. I feel like it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pursue my dream. David Wallace: Uh-huh, but— Andy: Every minute that I spend here is time not spent making audition videos for reality dating, cooking or singing shows. I got a real sht here. And I'll never be able to forgive myself if I blew it because I was too focused on my stupid paper company job. No offense. David Wallace: So you think you've been too focused on your job? Andy: At my last head sht sitting, I was so distracted wondering what I was missing at work that I came across totally manic. And I was going for zany. David Wallace: So you—you want to quit Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting? Andy: Well, no, actually. I see no reason to limit myself to just acting. I am pursuing fame of any kind. Could be singing, could be dancing. I don't—it just... I owe it to myself and my future fans. David Wallace: Uh, well, I guess I can't stand in the way of a man's dream. And it seems like you have the gift. Andy: Thank you, David. David Wallace: There's probably no way I can talk you into staying at this point, can I? Andy: Nope. I have made up my mind. I'm really sorry. David Wallace: Well, good luck. Andy: Thank you. Not gonna need it. David Wallace: Okay. David Wallace: Well that kind of worked out. Creed: I think just anybody could be a star. My postman, the night janitor here, but Andy? No, definitely not. Charisma black hole. Jim: Oh, Clark. I'm actually here today. Surprise! So I was wondering if I could maybe have my desk back. Clark: Right. Yeah. But, you know, I've actually been working pretty hard here on a daily basis. So, I kind of feel like I've earned this. I mean, you know? Jim: You totally have. You have earned this. But maybe I could be with my wife. Kind of the whole reason that I'm here. Clark: Right. Well, I'm here to sell paper. Pam: Wow. Clark: All right, Jim, look, I just got made junior salesman. Right? And—and Wallace is here today. And I don't him to just think of me as a customer service rep that sits in the annex. I mean, you can get that, right? Right? And what do you need more face time with Wallace for? You trying to get a second second job here? Pam: it's okay. You can sit in the annex. Jim: What? Pam: I'll come visit you. Jim: Okay. The annex it is. I'll be sitting at your desk if that's okay with you. Clark: That's fine with me. But be careful, it is very easy to get lost in Pete's beautiful, dad eyes. Andy: Everyone, a little breaking news for ya. Just had a little chat with David Wallace. And, um, I'm taking a leave of absence from Dunder Mifflin, forever. Oscar: I can't say we didn't see it coming. But it's a sad day when anybody is fired. We're so sorry, Andy. David Wallace: Uh, uh, uh, uh, Andy was not fired. Andy: I wasn't fired. What are you talking about? I'm fired up, yes. Guys, I'm—I'm leaving to pursue my lifelong dream of being famous. Pam: Oh, Andy. Andy: Yeah, so, I'll see you on the red carpet. See, that's how it works. Phyllis: Andy sings beautifully. And he's really good at dancing. He's a good speaker. But there's just something there you don't want to look at. Jim: Hey, how am I doing as your desk mate, by the way? You probably miss Clark. Pete: Yeah, a little bit. Jim: Oh, wow. But, um—Oh, I get that. Pete: Oh, no, no, no. No it's cool. Jim: I get it. Pete: It's cool, man. I'm sure you and I will have our own thing. Jim: Yeah. Definitely. Go Phillies, right. You don't watch baseball. I keep forgetting that. Darryl: I just think you're going into this a little fast. Andy: I'm 38, Darryl, how much slower should I go? Darryl: Show business is cold. Let's say you get a job, which you probably won't. They're not gonna cut you any slack. You're meant for a job with lots and lots of slack. Andy: All right. I get it. Andy: The male is a funny species. We don't just tell each other how we feel, that's chick stuff. So instead of saying, "Hey, Andy, I love you, man. I don't want you to leave." You say something like, "Hey, Andy, you're making the worst mistake of your life. You're not talented." Well... right back at you, Darryl. Andy: [hugs Darryl] I'm gonna miss you too. Mmm! Stanley: Andy's from the generation that thinks they should all be famous. What happened to the generation that knew you shut up, did your work, and died quietly from a heart attck? Kevin: Could Andy make it as an entertainer? I don't know. You know who's really funny? This bird, in the park, that can't fly right. I'd pay to see him. But I don't have to cause the park is free! Sensei: I will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts. Dwight: He will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts! Sensei: It's not a large room, I think they heard me. Dwight: Take my belt, master. I now submit to you every part of myself. [thrusts hips at Ira] Sensei: That's really ok. I'm mostly focused on the belt here. Dwight: Just slip it off my—Slip it off my hips. Sensei: Hold it—Take a step back. Take a step back. [they bow, then Dwight thrusts again] Okay, okay. I can't—I can't do this if you're gonna be thrusting like that, okay? I think we're gonna have to cut this off. Dwight: He will now perform the ceremonial cutting-off-of-the-belt. Angela: Dwight has been practicing karate for years. When we were dating, I would help him with his strength training. He would strap me to his chest in a baby Bjorn made for fat children and do lunges across the farm. It felt like I was flying. Dwight: There it is. [everyone applauds] Sensei: Congratulations. Dwight: We did it, we did it. I love you. Sensei: Okay. Dwight: Thanks. I will now perform my final kata forms. You're gonna watch me right? Sensei: Yes, I will. [Dwight starts doing karate] Dwight: Sensei, you're not watching. Sensei: Yeah, I'm watching. Just do it. Dwight: Watching? Sensei: I'm watching. Dwight: Watch this part, okay? David Wallace: Sensei, do you generally do house calls like this? Sensei: Uh, you can just call me Billy. And no. No, but Dwight insisted. He wanted to receive his black belt in the place he loves most in the world. David Wallace: He said that? He's an odd guy, isn't he? Sensei: Yes. Irritating, also yes. But I gotta hand it to him, he's one of the most tenacious and determined men I've ever met. [Dwight finishes his routines and everyone applauds] Esther: Oh! I'm am so proud of you, Schru-berry blue. Jim: I really felt like I almost lost her, and—and nothing is worth that. David Wallace: Well, I gotta tell you, Jim, a lot of guys in my circle? They wouldn't even change their golf schedule to shore up their marriage let alone their professional goals. Clark: Dude, there is no way that Jim is just back here to hang out with Pam. Dwight: You did not just say that! You don't know Pam. She is really cool. Clark: All I'm saying is, forget about my chair. He wants the manager's chair. And I thought you wanted that job. Dwight: Yeah, I did. But I made too many mistakes. It's out of my reach now. Besides, I think Jim would be a fine manager. I'd be happy to see Jim as manager. David Wallace: So, the reason that I called you in here is because Andy is moving on. Jim: Again. David Wallace: Again! And I'm looking for a new manager. And with his performance this year, I have been considering Dwight. Am I crazy? Jim: Not at all. It should be Dwight. David Wallace: You sure? Jim: You're gonna want to invest in a lot more liability insurance, but, uh— David Wallace: Yeah. Jim: Hey, if there is someone out there who loves paper more than Dwight, I definitely don't want to meet that person. Nellie: Andy, we just wondered if we could have a word. Andy: It's now or never. Nellie: Well, we just had a quick question about this decision of yours. You know, to leave a sab job and pursue a career in the entertainment business. In your late 30s. With no savings to fall back on. And no real connections in that business, which can be competitive. Andy: Yeah, sure. What's your question? Kevin: Our question is—it seems dumb. Andy: Well, it's better than sticking around here and half-assing it, right? Nellie: Of course. But what if you were to stay here, you know, and "full-ass" it? Um, really give it a go. Be the greatest manager in the history of this branch and in that way achieve the fame and immortality that you seek. Hmm? Andy: Nah. I like my plan better. Kevin: Well, Andy, your plan sucks, okay? Nobody is going to hire you ever. You're too character-y to be a lead and you're not fat enough to be a great character actor. Andy: What? Oscar: No, I don't think that he can make it as an actor. But, he also can't make it as an employee in an office, so why not go nuts with it? Jim: Hey, are you still in charge of office supplies? Pam: Yes. Yeah. Jim: I seem to have sticky not emergency where I grab it on the wrong end, and this happens. Pam: Oh, boy. Um— Jim: If you could help me out, that would be— Pam: I could give you some beginner stickies? Jim: Anything would help. Pam: Here you go. Jim: Oh, also, while you're at it, if you did have a salt packet, three tacks and some aspirin, that would be great. Oh, wow. You have that. Pam: Mm-hmm. Jim: Wow, that's— Pam: It's all yours. Jim: You come so prepared. Aspirin. Dwight: You wanna get rid of a headache, you sit on something sharp. Any sensei will tell you that. Jim: Hey, congratulations on that black belt, man. It's really great. Dwight: Thank you. So I saw you talking to Wallace earlier. Is he going to offer you the manager's job? Jim: No. He was maybe thinking of you for it. Dwight: Yeah, right. I'm afraid that ship has sailed. Jim: I wouldn't be too sure about that. Just saying. Dwight: Hello. Andy: Well, hello. Dwight: Big day for you. Andy: Big day for you. Dwight: Thank you. Andy: Love the belt. Dwight: Oh, yes. Andy: You know, I don't know anything about karate but I have broken a few boards in my day. Diving boards, at my family pool in Redding. I was an obese child. I never talk about that here, but Nard-dog's outta here, so letting it all hang out! Dwight: This is exciting! You're finally gonna get to go out and flap your wings. Andy: Thank you, I appreciate that. ‘Cause a lot of people are saying I might not make it. Dwight: Oh, I doubt you'll make it. Very few do who've tried to be a star. But, listen, you've saved up enough money to take a couple of years off to pursue your dream and have some fun, right? Andy: No, I just applied for more overdraft protection. Dwight: Andy, I have nothing to gain from getting you to stay, and everything to gain from you leaving. But please, I have known you for years, I have seen you perform. Dear god, don't quit your day job. Andy: [cockney accent] Nothing is impossible to him who will try. [normal] Alexander the Great, if he were cockney. Dwight: You're bad. Andy: I'm gonna make it. Every person that has been on Conan has a crazy story about how they made it. Every person. Andy: Erin. Honest Erin, cannot tell a lie. We lay together. That's something you can't take back. Erin: So true. Is there a question, or are—what? Andy: Will you tell me bluntly, do you think I am making a terrible mistake quitting my job to become an actor? Erin: Bluntly? Yes. Huge mistake. Andy, honestly, I think you might become homeless. Or maybe even starve. Andy: Thank you. [steps into conference room] David Wallace: You can stay on as a salesman, Andy. Andy: Thank you. [leaves] David Wallace: Dwight, could you come in here for a second, please? Dwight: Say it again. David Wallace: Will you be the new manager? Dwight: Where? David Wallace: Where? Dwight: What branch? David Wallace: Here. Scranton. [Dwight falls to his knees] Come on. Come on, Dwight. Get up. Let's go. It's good news. Dwight: I'm sorry. I've just waited for this moment my entire life. I mean, I was interim manager once, but then I sht that gn. David Wallace: What? Dwight: But this isn't interim manager. No. It's Dwight K. Schrute... [pulls a business card out of his wallet] Manager. David Wallace: Why do you already have this? Dwight: In case Michael or Andy ever got klled in a traffic accident and there was a trade show on the same day. You will not regret this decision, David. David Wallace: I know. Dwight: I will never, ever let you down. David Wallace: I know, Dwight. I know. [reaches out to shake Dwight's hand, Dwight hugs him] Okay. Okay. All righty. You're gonna do great. Pam: Hey. Jim: Wow, hey. Pam: Hi. Jim: What's up? Pam: Um, I have a question. Jim: Okay. Pam: Oh, I had a question. Jim: Really? Pam: I did! Jim: Yeah, totally you did. Pam: Super important. Jim: I need you to stay right here while you think about it. Pam: Okay. Jim: All right? I'm gonna wait. Pam: All right. I did not come back here just to see you. Jim: I'm sure you did not. What was your question? Pam: I don't know, but it might take me a long time to figure it out. Jim: Well, then, I should figure out things to do while I'm waiting. Pam: Exactly. Andy: Hey, everybody, I changed my mind. Not leaving. I'm gonna stay on in sales. Nellie: Oh, thank god. Because sales could be your best role yet. Meredith: Hey, good choice, man. Seriously. Don't want to see you in a p*rn next year. Andy: Okay. Kevin: Ooh, there's a great play about a salesman. Andy: Death of a salesman. Kevin: I don't think so. Andy: Sure, ‘Death of a Salesman' by Arthur Miller, it's a great play about crushed dreams. Kevin: No, this one was written by Spongebob Squarepants. Andy: [sits at Dwight's desk] Got any hot leads? Pete: See, so you just push from under, and turn it around, and boom. No the staple crimps outward. Erin: I had no idea. And here I've been stapling the same way for 20 years like a frickin' sheep. Jim: Look who's back. Pam: I'm back. Oh, hey, look, and now it's like a double date. Pete: Wow. Cause, uh [gestures to him and Erin and then to Pam and Jim with sound effects] Erin: Actually, maybe we should go on a double date some time. That'd be fun. Pam: Yeah, we should do that for real sometime. Erin: Well, how about Thursday? Pam: Oh, well, Thursday's tough, because of— Jim: Weeknights are actually tough just because— Pam: They are. Jim: That's true, yeah. Erin: Just forget it. Forget I said anything. David Wallace: Attention, everyone, just a quick announcement. Little reconfiguration to the staff. Dwight Schrute— Dwight: David. Can I just do one thing while you're making this announcement and then I'll never, ever do it again? David Wallace: I don't think so. Dwight: It's just one thing. Just let me—let me do this— David Wallace: Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. Come on—what I was about to say was Dwight—[phone buzzes] Oh, I'm sorry, I gotta—This'll be a second, sorry. Dwight: Just wait and send it to voicemail. David Wallace: Yeah. Dwight: Come on. Come on. David Wallace: [on phone] Then we'll get him a new set of drums. Dwight: [climbs up on desk] Dwight Schrute is manager! [everyone cheers and applauds] Andy: Brava, brava. Creed: [from atop his desk] Creed Bratton is the new manager! [nobody responds] Pam: What's going on? Kevin: Dwight's the new manager. He freaking did it. Pam: [hugs Dwight] Congratulations, Dwight. Dwight: Pam. Jim: [hugs Dwight] Congratulations, buddy. Dwight: Thank you, Jim. Clark: Congrats, Dwight. Dwight: Get out of Jim's seat. Clark: But I fought for this seat. Dwight: You're an annex kid. You might be bullpen, we'll see. Give it a couple of years. Scram. Pam: It's nice to have you back. Dwight: So... Jim: So. Dwight: I wanted to offer you a new position. Jim: Let's hear it. Dwight: Assistant regional manager. Jim: Nope. Can't accept that job. It's not a real job. Dwight: Jim. Jim: I'll tell you what I could accept is assistant to the regional manager. That is a real job and one I'd be proud to take. Dwight: Shake on it? Done. Way to negotiate, idiot. Jim: Don't get me wrong, I am definitely here for Pam. But this is an awesome added bonus. Dwight: So, all the numbers adding up? Oscar: Hey, I didn't get a chance to say it, but... congratulations, Dwight. Dwight: Thank you. Angela: Yes. Congratulations. Kevin: Yeah, and Dwight, I'd like to be the first to say congratulations. Angela: This is a big day for you. Dwight: Yes, it is. Carry on. Andy: How did I just abandon my dreams so quickly? It's cause I had a fallback. That's the problem. When you have fallbacks, it's just easy to give up. When Cortez landed in Mexico, only way he got his men to defeat the Aztecs was by burning all of his own boats. So they could never return home. Huge dick move but very effective. I need to be that same kind of dick to myself. Andy: Everyone! Changed my mind again. Phyllis: What's it now, dream or no dream? Andy: Uh, dream. Goin' with my dream. Gotta go all in, isn't that right, Jim? Jim: Oh, don't look at me cause I think you're making a terrible choice. Andy: All in! Whoo! Andy: Toby! Hey, I changed my mind again. I am gonna leave Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting after all. Toby: Okay, then, Andy. Andy: Yeah, but here's the thing. I can't have good old Dunder Mifflin to fall back on or else I'll never succeed. Gotta burn those boats! So I need you to go into my file and put down that I was fired for theft and/or groping wieners. Toby: Andy, you know I can't do that. It'd be lying. Andy: Seriously? Toby: Yeah, I'm— Andy: Come on, just do it. Toby: I can't. Andy: All right, fine, just know that you made me do this. [starts touching Toby's thighs] Toby: [fending Andy off] Oh, come on. Andy, no. Andy: God, Toby, don't—stop blocking my hand. Toby: No, no. Andy: This is your—you brought this on. Toby: No, no. Andy. Andy: Okay, all right. Groped you good. Off to Hollywood! Angela: [answering phone] This is Angela. Oh. Hello, Miss Polodnikovski. Uh, how can I help you? Did my rent check not clear? Because I just transferred another $25 to that account. So if there's a problem it's clearly on your end. And—oh. Oh. Oh, okay. Good. Then... um... what is this about? No, no. Hey, hey! No, you are out of line Miss Polodnikovski. No, no you are. No you are! Evicted? Fine! I didn't want to live in that cesspool anyway! Listen, I get my security deposit back. Yes, I do. This is not fair! That is not fair! Well, you know what? You have so many hairs on your chin that Animal Control should've taken you away. That is very unladylike! You are disgusting! [hangs up phone] Kevin: What do you think that was about? Andy: David. I lost the Scranton White Pages account. Do you have any idea how much paper that is? And I'd just like to point out, I was mad at Dwight. I did it out of spite. David Wallace: We put the past behind us, though, Andy. Andy: What if I told you that I hate you and I hate this company? David Wallace: Enough, Andy. Enough! Andy: Just stop forgiving me, David, please? This is my last chance to honor what is best inside myself. What if I took a dump on your new car? David Wallace: Oh my god. Andy: Eleanor Roosevelt once said ‘the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.' [clip of him flipping off David Wallace] I think she's right. [clip of David Wallace yelling at Andy to get out] I feel calm now. [clip of Andy taking a dump on a car] I feel, like, for the first time in a long time, I'm doing the right thing. Angela: Andy. Andy: Yeah. Angela: What are you doing? Andy: Uh, heavy stuff like books on the bottom. So it don't squash my knickety-knacks on top. Angela: Yeah, okay. That's not what I mean. You don't have to leave because you said you would. Don't let pride ruin your whole life. Okay? It's not worth it. Andy: Wow. Angela. What we had was great, and, honestly I think about it a lot too— Angela: Ugh. Andy: But I just—it's in the past. And I feel like we shouldn't... Angela: No, that's not— Andy: Rehash— Angela: No, none—No, stop. It's just— Andy: Exactly. Angela: Okay. Well, have a good trip. Good luck, Andy. Andy: Thanks, Angela. You too. Angela: Thanks. Andy: A-bridge, a-burnt. No turning back now. Everybody, Lorelai and I would like to say thank you and goodbye the only way we know how. Nellie: Oh, good lord. Stanley: Can't you just leave? Jim: You know, Andy, you could just say a really nice goodbye. Andy: Tuna, I'm a performer. And perform I shall. [sings ‘I Will Remember You'—everyone is slightly impressed] Dwight: [whispering] You okay? Angela: [crying] It's just a really nice song. Kevin: [everyone applauding] Awesome! Phyllis: Who knows? Maybe Andy will make it. He's not terrible. Stanley: Yeah. And people worse than him make it all the time. Like Lil Romeo. Phyllis: No, he's good. Stanley: He was good. Oscar: Good night, Kevin. Kevin: Night, Oscar. Oscar: Tents? Are you thinking of going camping? I thought you found nature vulgar. Angela: Well, I've changed my mind. Oscar: Wait a minute. You're not thinking of living in a— Angela: Oh, god, could you just mind your own business? Oscar: Okay, I'm just gonna say this. You are not going to live in a tent. Angela: Oh, god. Oscar: Come stay with me. Angela: You don't want me at your place. Oscar: I do. Yes. Not forever. But until you get back on your feet. Which won't be long. It's the least I could do. Angela: Well... Oscar: Separate bathrooms. Angela: Thank you. Oscar: You're welcome. Let's go get Phillip. Then we'll get your stuff... Angela: Okay. Oscar: And get you the hell outta that place. Angela: Are you allowed to have pets? Oscar: Oh, Angela. Dwight: Yesterday I was just your average, ordinary paper salesman with a farm and a bunch of pipe dreams about beet fuel. Today, I leave here a regional manager with a black belt. It really is amazing how your life can change in one day. Darryl: You talk to Wade and Colin? Jim: No, I just saw I missed their call. Why? What's up? Darryl: We got an offer on the table. Jim: What kind of offer? Darryl: A buyout. Jim: What? Darryl: We're in play, baby. Jim: Oh, my god! Darryl: We did it! Hey, and look, the buyers wanna make sure it's not just a Philly play, so get this: they're gonna pay for us to go pitch out west. We talking Spurs, the Jazz, Cowboys. Blake Griffin, baby. Jim: Wow, that is... wow. Darryl: Yeah, we did it. Jim: Yeah, we did. Hey, how long—how long do we think that's gonna take? Darryl: Wade said we could do the whole country in three months. Jim: Oh, man. Yeah, I can't do it. Darryl: Can't do what? Jim: This, man. I can't do this to Pam. Darryl: No, no, Jim. This is different. This is everything. Jim: I know. And I can't do it. Angela: So is your place all bachelor-slobby and gross? Oscar: No, it's neat and tasteful, like most gay men's homes. The stereotype holds up. Angela: I wouldn't know. I never lived with a gay guy. Oscar: Angela, you just were— Angela: [starts sobbing] I love him. Oscar: I know. I understand more than most, but we both have to move on. You—you can't— Angela: No, not the senator. I love Dwight.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x21 - Livin' the Dream"}	foreverdreaming
Dwight: The documentary series finished airing ages ago. Why is PBS sending another crew? Camera Man: We're getting bonus footage for the DVD. Dwight: pff, Nobody buys DVDs anymore. Camera Man: It'll be a pledge gift. Dwight: PBS. The propaganda wing of Bill and Melinda Gates and viewers like you. Dwight: In the past year, I have consolidated the entire Scranton paper market. We regained the white pages, the school district, Lackawanna county. We supply them all. I'm getting married tomorrow afternoon, and in the morning, there's a mini-reunion. A kind of a "where are they now" panel at a local theatre. It'll be nice to see everyone again. [laughs] I haven't seen Kevin since we let him go. Dwight: [mimicking trumpet] Today marks several important milestones. Stanley, as you know, is retiring. Kevin: Yes! Whoo, whoo, whoo! Stanley: Ah, I've been looking forward to this day since I was 18 years old. Meredith: Speech! Dwight: No! And our next and most thickly frosted cake is...for...Kevin. Kevin: Yes! Wait, why? Dwight: Go ahead and just read the frosting. Kevin: "Get out." Dwight: Uh-huh. Kevin: What does that mean? Dwight: It's a colloquial way of saying "you're fired," Kevin, which you are. Pam: What? Dwight, you can't do that. Dwight: The cake has spoken Pam. Sorry. All: What?! Dwight: Well if anyone here can make a case for Kevin staying. All: Dwight...[overlapping objections] Dwight: Based...on his merit. Oscar: Ooh. Jim: Umm.... Kevin: I'm...good. Pam: Well, Toby will stop it. Anytime anyone's ever been fired, Toby's blocked it, so... Toby: Yeah. Yeah, I don't think... Dwight: Toby, wait. Wait. Hold that thought. Here's your cake. [squirts frosting on the top] Bye, bye Toby. Kevin: [crying] At least I got chocolate. Jim: I bike to work now. Saves on gas, cheaper than a vasectomy and, uh, oh, yeah, it's good for the environment too. Jim: Pam and I are great. She just recently finished her mural for the Irish cultural center. Crowd: Whoo! Yeah Jim: [to Cici] Can you clap! Can you clap for mom? Jim: And Dwight is imitating Japanese business practices for reasons he explained to us in Japanese. Pam: [whispering] Angela, are you ready for the wedding? Angela: [whispering] Yes. My heart is so open, I am so at peace. [scoffs] Look at Meredith. She's disgusting. Those feet. They're like the paws of an orangutan. Pam: I think she looks good. Now that she's wearing sports bras, we don't see her boobs as much. Dwight: That is all. Have a good morning. Meredith: Thank you. Dwight: [after Angela kisses Dwight] What was that for? Angela: [laughing] To remind you that our wedding's gonna be wonderful. Dwight: Ah. I know. It just feels so empty with so many of the old gng gone. Angela: D, it's gonna be perfect. The only people that need to be there are you and me. Dwight: Oh, and the old man to feed us the cheese that he's been fermenting since the day of my birth. You keep forgetting about him. Angela: I don't...I don't know why. Dwight: I brought in some new faces, and one old. I always like Devon. I hired him back after Creed faked his own death in the baler the day after the doc aired. The only person he fooled was Kevin. Then the police showed up. Turns out, Creed was in the band "The Grass Roots" in the 1960's. During that time, the police say he sold drugs and trffick in endangered species meat and stole wapon-grade LSD from the military. Phyllis: Oh, some fudge? Malcolm: Oh, thanks. I love your fudge. Phyllis: Thanks. Malcolm: I think I gained a couple of pounds since I got here. Phyllis: [laughing] Oh, you can afford it. Phyllis: After 16 years, it's strange sitting across from somebody who isn't Stanley. But...he'll get there. Jim: Okay, the limo's gonna be here at five. I need everybody to be ready ‘cause I want to pack in a lot. Zeke: Party time! Whorehouse! Jim: Uh, no. No whorehouse. This is Dwight's night, okay? Zeke: Well, you're the bestisch mensch. Jim: Dwight has made me his bestisch mensch. Which is Schrute for best man. He's putting himself entirely in my hands tonight. And I know for over 12 years I've done nothing but trick and prank him but tonight...only good surprises. "Guten Pranken". [chuckles] Dwight: Oh hey, Jim. I forgot to mention. Oftentimes, in Hollywood portrayals of bachelor parties, there are accidental mrder. That won't be necessary tonight. Clark: Great, now we got three hours to fill. Jim: Okay, hold on. Are you sure Mose isn't going to show up? Dwight: Ever since Angela moved in and Mose had to stop sleeping at the foot of my bed, he's been acting pretty weird about this whole wedding thing. Jim: Mose has been weird? That's so unlike him. Andy: Yeah, sure, I'll talk about it. Why not? American's next A Cappella Sensation aired my audition. And when I started sobbing uncontrollably, apparently that struck a chord with quite a lot of people. Not a very compassionate chord. The clip went viral, as they say [on computer] Casey Dean: You can't just sit here and cry. Andy: Oh, I can so just sit here and cry! Andy: Two million hits in the first week and then the parodies started. One from the Philippines got 12 million hits. And the late night comedy guys had a field day with it. [SNL Weekend Update] Bill Hader: [fake crying] Seth Mayers: Oh, Don't. Aw, come on, Baby Wawa. Don't be such a baby. Bill Hader: [crying and pouring eye drops in his eyes] Seth Mayers: Oh, No. It's gonna be alright. Bill Hader: [pulling multiple tissues out] Seth Mayers: It's gonna be all right. For Weekend Update I'm Seth Meyers. That's Baby Wawa. Good night. Bill Hader: [still crying] Bye! Andy: After my clip blew up, I actually got a call from the double rainbow guy and the fat Star Wars kid. Turns out they have a support group. [pause] Not really my scene. Oscar: [on the phone] Years ago, the senator promised a left turn lane by the Arby's. So I wanna know where in the name of horsey sauce is it? Well, yeah, you...hold on. Dakota: Hi. I keep seeing this symbol in the accounts from last year. It's..it's all over the place. I don't know what it means. Oscar: That's the reason Kevin got fired. It's his magic number. He used to use it to balance his accounts. He used to call it a Keleven. He told Dwight, [imitating Kevin] "A mistake plus Keleven gets you home by seven." He was home by 4:45 that day. Nellie: Oh, I live in Poland now. The Scranton of the E.U. Thank you for flying me out here for the weekend. I'm looking forward to the reunion panel tomorrow. Can't wait to see everyone. Well, almost everyone. Toby: Hello! [laughing] Hello! Nellie: Oh. Toby: Hi! [goes to hug Nellie] Nellie: No. Toby: Oh. [laughs nervously] Nellie: How did you now my plane had arrived? How long have you been stalking me? Toby: Oh, no, no. no. My plane just got in. From New York. Are you still with Piotr? Nellie: No. And I thought I unfriended you. Toby: Anyone can follow a Twitter feed. Wanna share a cab? Toby: [alone in cab} After Dwight fired me, I moved to New York to write the great American novel. I have six roommates. Heh. Which are better than friends, you know ‘cause they have to give you one month's notice before they leave. Andy: Hey-OH! Meredith: Andy? Oscar: You're back? Andy: Yeah. Malcolm: [whispering to Phyllis] That's Baby Wawa, right? Oh, my God! Jim: Hey man, good to see you. Andy: Thank you. Yeah, Phyllis: [hugging Andy]. Andy... Andy: Hey! Aw! A bear hug from my favorite mama grizzly. Phyllis: Andy, I've been worried about you. How are you? Andy: A little warm. Phyllis: Poor, poor Andy. Andy: [struggling] Okay. Aw. Thank you Phyllis. Darryl: Hello, hello. Jim: Hey! Meredith: Darryl! Andy: Hey! Darryl: Hey, what's up? Andy: Didn't I just see you at the airport jumping in a limo? Darryl: What? Must've been another devilishly handsome debonair individual. Andy: Hmm. Darryl: Hey, man. How are you doing? I, um...I didn't call ‘cause I figured you changed the number. Andy: No I didn't change the number. All good though. Phone never rings. Dwight: What? Ooh! Andy: Surprise! Dwight: I thought you guys couldn't come. Darryl: Yeah, but then they moved the panel to the same weekend and the Doc crew paid to fly us in. It was kismet. Jim: Kismet? Yeah, right. Pam and I came up with excuses for every other weekend. You remember my two lap band surgeries, right? Neither do I? "Guten Prank" number one. Darryl: You ready for tonight? We gonna tear up the town? Dwight: Uh, better ask Jim. Jim: And Jim will say nothing. Pam: [enters] Darryl! Andy! Andy: Hey! Pam! Darryl: Hey, Pam! How are you? Pam: We're fine. Yeah. [hugs both Darryl and Andy] And I'm sure that you guys are fine too. Because why wouldn't you be? Andy: Mm-hmm. Pam: Darryl, oh, my gosh. How is Austin? Tell me everything. How's the merger? I feel like I read about Athlead all the time. Darryl: I love it. And it's Athleap now. And the city is amazing. Jim: Yeah? Darryl: Yeah. Yeah, it's hot. The music is awesome. And the tacos are...for real. Jim: Wow! That sounds incredible. [checking cell phone]. Oh, guys. Limo's here. Let's do this. Change if you need to. Oscar: Whoo, whoo, whoo. Pam: Okay, you guys, have fun. You too, Andy. Oscar: Yeah! Andy: Aw! Darryl: Woah-Oh! Haven't been in one of these in forever. Oscar: They wanted me to go to the bachelorette party with the girls. Really? Such a cliché. I'm a man. So I'm going to the bachelor party with the boys. I just have to remember how I acted before I came out. Oscar: WASSUUUUP! [laughing] Dwight: Wait, why are we stopping? Jim, this isn't on the itinerary. Jim: Get out. Dwight: Jim...wha... Come on! What...what are you gonna whack me, Jim? Jim: No, Dwight. You'll be doing the whacking. Dwight: A bazooka. You remembered. Jim: Of course I did. Dwight: [tearful laugh]. Get out of my way. All: OH! [all laugh and applaud after Dwight fires the bazooka] Dwight: Woo! Okay! Jim: Yeah! [to camera] Guten Prank number two. Jim: Private Room. Oscar: Yeah, brosef. Dwight: Amazing. Jim: Enjoy, enjoy. Guy: Hey, I know you. Are you gonna sit here and cry? Jim: Okay, man, easy. Guy: [fake cries] Jim: Hey, dude, leave him alone. What are you doing? Andy: Jim, it's fine. He'll just get you on his cell phone and then that'll go viral. Darryl: That happens a lot? Andy: Yeah, I guess. But things are going well actually. I spoke at Cornell during commencement week. I mean, the seniors invited me as a joke but it was a huge success. Oscar: Well, I bet it was a smash. Andy: That's how I got my new job in the admissions office. Oscar: Is that a volunteer program or... Andy: No. It's a job. Things are going great. Darryl: Let's get a drink in you, huh? Andy: Yes. Meredith: Whoo-hoo. Let's get this party started! Rachel: Where's my angel. Angela: This is my big sister Rachel. Rachel: No, this is my big sister Angela. Angela: [laughs] We're very close. We even have our own special language. Rachel: [speaks in a special language] Angela: People love it. Rachel: They do. Dwight: [sighs] Man, how long have we been sitting here? Stripper: Hi, boys! All: Ohh... Clark: Here we go! Dwight: Oh, Thank God. We are famished! Stripper: Hey, did somebody order the chef special? Darryl: Right there. Dwight: No, we haven't ordered anything. No one's even taken our drinks. Uh, what is the chef special? [music plays and stripper starts dancing on Dwight] Stripper: I bet you boys have a big appetite. Dwight: Oh, we do. So we'll have an onion loaf for the table, please. And tell us about your heartiest soups. Stripper: Mm, I know what you want. I know exactly what you want. Dwight: Yes, an onion loaf for the table but that's not all. Now the chef special sounded good. What is it exactly? Stripper: Ohh, shh. [places finger over Dwight's lips] Dwight: Okay, what are you doing? Are you giving me a taste of the chef's special? Tastes like cigarettes. That won't work. That's no good. Erin: Whoo! Angela: What? [knock at the door] Okay. Pam: Oh, boy. Erin: Oh! Jakey: Heard you guys needed some pipes fixed or cleaned or whatever. Phyllis: Angela's special repairman is here. Angela: Wait, what is this? Meredith: Shut up. Jakey? Jakey: Mom? Pam: Wait, wait. What? Jakey: Oh, man. Meredith: No, no, no, no. Just do your wok. Pretend mom's not here. Pam: Uh, that seems inappropriate. Meredith: Give the good show, my little entrepreneur. Jakey: Okay. Meredith: Take it off. [music play]. Yeah! Good song choice, Jakey. Stripper's only as good as his song. Rachel: oh, wowee wow. Angela: Okay... Pam: Whoo-hoo...go, Meredith's stripper son. Angela: Rachel, are you all right? Rachel: I don't know! I don't know. Angela: Oh geeze. [Jakey starts dancing on Angela]. Oh, my God! Meredith: Be gentle Jakey. Gentle. One second. Just one second. Look. [pushes Jakey aside and starts dancing on Angela] Angela: Okay, if anything, this is rougher. Stop it Meredith. Meredith: Fine. My bad. Go ahead Jakey. Angela: [Jakey resumes dancing] Uh, no. It's o...thank you. You know what? You don't have to...oh no, no, no. No, no, no. It's okay. Dwight: Now, for the last time, I'd like a side salad with balsamic. Clark: Dwight, for the last time, she's not a waitress. Dwight: You're telling me! Oscar: If you want her to leave, just tip her. Dwight: What for? We haven't even gotten bread yet. Does anyone wanna split a twice baked potato? [to the dancing stripper] Do you have those? Those aren't deep fried, right? Angela: That was interesting. [creaking sound] What was that? Phyllis: It's just the wind. Angela: Will you lock the door? Phyllis: Okay. [opens door] It's just the wind, see? Nothing. Angela: Alright, see, you don't have to leave the door wide open. We get it. It's the wind. Just come and shut...[Mose grabs Angela and takes her away] OH! My God! All: [screams] Erin: Phyllis! Rachel: What's happening? Dwight: Oh, man, never thought I'd say this but I think I ate too much bone marrow. [phone rings] Jim: Oh, it's the girls. Hey Pam. What? Angela's been kidnapped! Phyllis left the door open and some freak came and grabbed her and fled. Dwight: Good old Mose. [laughing] Jim: They think it was Mose. Dwight: Oh, great. He's getting into the spirit of the festivities. Fantastic. He just pulled off a Braut Entfuhrung. Oscar: What is that? Dwight: A ceremonial bridal kidnapping. He will take the bride and hide her at a local pub and when I find the place, I have to buy everyone drinks. Ah, all right! Oh Mose. Jim: Wait a minute. You said the tradition is for the groom is search for her and it ends at a pub. So how about the last pub you'd ever set foot in in this town? Dwight: Right. Which one is that? Jim: Mm, hey driver. Why don't you take us to 3030 Adams? Jim: Is that Mose? Dwight: Yes, it is! I am here for my bride! Mose: Well, first, buy us a drink. All: If you want your bride, buy us a drink! If you want your bride, buy us a drink. Dwight: Very well! Drinks on me! Bartender! [Kevin turns around] Oh. Kevin: Well, well, well, well, well, well. That's six "wells." Did I get that number right, Dwight? Dwight: I heard you bought a bar, Kevin. Kevin: Yes. I did. This one. Now get out! Dwight: [to Mose] Why did you pick this place? [Mose points to Jim] Jim: Ooh. Dwight: You? You did this as a prank. My own Bestich Mensch. Jim: Nope, not a prank. I think it's time for you to bury the hatchet. Dwight: Waste of a good hatchet. Jim: Okay, just talk. Kevin: Well, w... Dwight: I heard you say "well" the first time. Jim: I know Dwight misses Kevin. I saw him make his portrait out of a Wooly Willy. Tomorrow's his wedding day. You can't be anything but happy on your wedding day. Dwight: It was nothing personal. It's just that you were terrible at your job. Kevin: You're just saying that to make me feel better. Dwight: No really. You were terrible at math and organization, time management, personal hygiene. Your internet searches were so filthy we had to throw our your computer. Kevin: Is that all it was? Dwight: That's it. Kevin: Come here [hugs Dwight] Dwight: I missed you Kevin. Kevin: I missed you! Dwight: Ohh. Mose: Guten Prank. Jim: Yes, Mose. Guten Prank number three. Dwight: You've had your drink. Now where is my bride? Dwight: Mose! What..ooh, Mose. [Mose opens trunk] Angela: What the [bleep] is your problem you [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]?! Jim: Hey. Hey, is Angela coming or... Dwight: No. We can't see each other on our wedding day. And her legs are still numb from being in the trunk. Jim: Right. Stanley: Hey guys. All: Stanley! Erin: How's Florida? Stanley: Oh, great. Stanley: Yes, I'm living in Florida now. Little town called Florida City, just on the edge of the everglades. The man who delivered my divorce papers came by fan boat which was kinda fun. I sit on my porch all day, carving birds. Jim: Am I the only one that's nervous? How are you doing with this? Should we have bailed? Pam: No, no, I'm fine. Jim: Doesn't seem like anyone cares about us anyway. Stanley: I guess this was work being filmed nonstop for nine years. Andy: I'm sorry guys. This is probably on me. I got hated on pretty hard when that auto-tune went viral. [video] Just sit here and cry, just sit here and cry! Oh I can so just sit here and cry. You guys are really mean. It can't end like this you know. Slept in my car last night, quit my job. brned all my bridges. And I did unspeakable things – You're just not good, you're just not good. – Are you insane? – You're just not good, you're just not good. – Chill out! [crying] Just sit here and cry... Kevin: [watching at his bar] People actually dance to this. It's in my juke box. None of the money goes to Andy though. Kevin: [laughing] Yeah, people hate you. Andy: I'll go talk to the manager. Maybe we should just go home. [walks down the hall] Man: Hey! It's Andy Bernard! All: Nard Dog! [cheers and claps] Ree-De-De-De-Doo! [repeats] Andy: Ree-De-De-De-Doo! Man 1: How did it feel to see your lives played out on tv? David Wallace: It's like seeing a documentary about how your food is made. It's kinda disgusting. You learn a lot, but I didn't wanna know any of it. Dwight: With today's modern surveillance technology we are in a constant state of being watched weather it's our government or the government of other countries a.k.a. Google. You guys are being filmed way more than we ever were. Pete: Uh, no one recognizes me. But not all my friends call me Plop. So... thanks PBS. Woman 1: Uh, Jim, that DVD in the last episode was so romantic. And, um, I think we'd all love to know, Pam, what romantic thing did you do to pay Jim back for leaving Athlead? Pam: Well, I mean, How do you pay back someone for something like that? But, uh, I don't know. I'm working on something. Jim: She pays me back every day just by being my wife so that's fine. All: Awww. Jim: O-Kay. Woman 2: All I can say is, if I had Jim, he would have a free pass to do anything. I mean if I lucked into that... he could do anything. Anything. Pam: [pause] I'm sorry. Is there a question? Woman 2: Uh, no. Man 2: Pam, what was in that teapot letter? Pam: Oh, um, well, you know, I... I just... I just think I would rather keep that private. You know, if you'd been filmed for nine years of your life, there'd be some things that you just wanna keep to yourself. Man 2: I hear ya. What did it say? Moderator: We're gonna move on. Next question please. Man 3: Do you find that your life feels pointless now that nobody's actually filming you anymore? Toby: Yes. Woman 3: I wanna know how everyone felt they were portrayed. Was it accurate? Meredith: I got a beef with that. Um, for the first seven years, I was getting my PhD in School Psychology and they didn't show it. Yes, I was getting hammered but, hey, it was college. Woman 4: I have a question for Jim and Pam. Everyone watching sees how much you love each other and how you're soul mates. So, Pam, how could you doubt that when Jim moved to Philadelphia? Jim: Um, you know what, I actually didn't handle that move, uh, very gracefully. From not communicating to being a little selfish. Pam: Listen, um... I was scared, you know? I loved what I had, and I didn't want to risk it. And I think that maybe I did doubt him a little too. Which was wrong because he's shown me time and again. But when the documentary started airing, people on the street told me that I had this fairy-tale romance. But there were a lot of times last year where it did not feel like a fairy tale. But then it got deeper, and it got stronger and now it's better than a fairy tale. It's like a long book that you never want to end. And you're fine with that because you just never, ever wanna leave it. Woman 4: Like Harry Potter. Pam: Yeah, like Harry Potter. Joan: I have a question for Erin. Erin: Really? Joan: Yes. Um, the thing I found most compelling about the documentary was your search for your birth mother. Erin: Thank you. Joan: So my question is, um, do... don't you hate her? I mean, I would just imagine that you were so angry at her that you would hate her. Erin: Maybe sometimes. But not like "hate" hate. More just like, "Mom, I hate you!" And then she would say "go to your room, young lady." And I'd stamp my foot and run upstairs and I have a room, which is really cool. And then we'd just have dinner together. But I don't know. I'd have to meet her. Thanks. Joan: Erin... Erin: Yes? Joan: Um...Oh, Erin.. Erin: Yes? Is there a follow-up question? [realizes] Mom? [they hug] Ed: Erin... Same question but about your dad? [they hug] Moderator: Well, this feels like a good place to stop. Let's thank all of our wonderful panelists for being here on this wonderful panel today. [audience claps] Next week at the Scranton Cultural Center don't forget, Irish Step Dancing semifinals. Winning team to Mid-Atlantic. [applause and scattering cheers] Kevin: Where's the, uh, basket for gifts? Usher: Right there, sir. Kevin: Okay. Dakota: Hi, I'm Dakota. Creed: Jeff Bomondo. I sell ceramic tile out of Newark. Dakota: Nice. Creed: My wife's name is Kathryn. I can show you my social security card if it helps. Kelly: Uck, Look at all this mud. Can you imagine if I had worn my Jimmy Choos? I just saved you 600 bucks mister. Ravi: Thanks for helping out, sweetie. Ryan: Kelly, you're here. Kelly: Hey, Ryan! Ryan: Hey. Kelly: Whose baby is this? Oh, are, like, a nanny now? Ryan: No, this little guy is mine. Ryan: So I was dating this girl, and one day, she went out to get a new charger for her e-cigarette. Never came back. Oldest story in the book. [baby squeals] Ryan: Say "hi", Drake. Kelly: Drake is your baby's name? Ryan: Yeah. Kelly: That is an amazing name. I'm obsessed with Drake. His last album... it just touched me to pieces. Ryan: No Kelly, he's no named after a hip-hop artist from 2011. It's Drake, like a mix of Drew and Blake. Kelly: Cool. Well, he is so cute. Ravi, check out this cute baby. I'm obsessed with him. Ravi is a pediatrician and some of his patients are total uggos. Ravi: They're called premature, sweetie. It's good to see you again Ryan. Phyllis: Let me help you us. Angela: Thanks. [knees buckle] Oh. Ouch. Pam: Oh, boy. Maybe your heels are too high. Angela: No, my heels aren't too high. It's because I spent three hours in a car trunk. Thanks for not locking the door when I asked you to, Phyllis. [sighs] Sorry Phyllis. You didn't know. As long as I can get to the altar. Phyllis: Oh, I'm gonna get you to that altar. You can take that to the bank. Jim: You ready? Dwight: [chuckles] You kidding? I was born ready. [mimicking heavy metal guitars] Jim: Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. Um... I don't know how to tell you this, but... we have a little bit of a problem. Dwight: Oh, no. What? Jim: The minister just told me that it's tradition for the Bestish Mensch to be older than the groom. Dwight: Oh, come on. I've never heard of such a thing. Jim: I haven't heard of it, obviously. But I'm out because I am significantly younger than you- Dwight: Not... significant is a big word... Jim: I think it's definitely... Well, okay. Either way... Dwight: I think you're only a teeny... Jim: Either way, Dwight... I can't be there for you. I'm sorry. Dwight: Jim. Jim: I just...really wish there was something I could do. [looks off] Dwight: [turns around] [whispering] Michael. I can't believe you came. Michael: That's what she said. Jim: Best prank ever. Minister: As it is traditional to the Schrutes, the lovers are standing in their own graves as a reminder that this is the only escape from what they are about to do. Nellie: [to Joan] See, I get what they are trying to do, but why are the graves so shallow? Kevin: [reading] "Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away. For lo, the winter is passed. The rain is over and gone. The time of singing has come and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. Let me see your face. Let me hear your voice for your voice is sweet and your face is comely. " Minister: I now pronounce you man and wife. [everyone cheers] Release the doves! [doves do not move right away] Kelly: Oh. Kevin: That's not... Dwight: Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for coming. Now, please take your hay bales to the reception. They'll be used for seating. Complimentary hay hooks are placed alone the aisles. Just sab ‘em on in there. [After Dwight and Angela's dance] Dwight: Everybody! Jim: [dancing with Pam. They kiss] See, now you don't owe me anything. Ryan: Ravi? Ravi? Drake has a bit of a rash. And he's hot. Ravi: Oh, no. Ryan: I was wondering could you maybe examine him for a second? Ravi: Oh, yeah, you're not feeling well little guy? Okay, sure. Should we go inside? Ryan: Actually, could you go inside? I'm feeling a little dehydrated. I could really use a little break, have some water. Ravi: Are you sure you don't wanna go in? Kelly: Ravi, just do it. That baby is burning up. Isn't this, like what you live for? Just go. Go. Ryan: Thank you Ravi. Thank you so much. This is great for me and for Drake. Thank you. Kelly: I don't know, Ryan. Baby Drake didn't look so good. Ryan: He'll be fine. I let me suck on a strawberry. He's allergic but he'll get over it fast. I had to talk to you. Kelly: You gave your baby an allergic reaction just to talk to me? [they kiss] Pam: Michael has so many pictures of his kids he had to get two phones with two numbers and he pays two bills. Pam: [with Michael] Oh, my gosh, it's choreographed! Pam: He just so happy to have a family plan. Ed: Where'd you learn to dance like that? Erin: I don't know. I've just always been really good at dancing. Toby: [dancing with Pam] [sobbing] Pam: Is it me? Is it Nellie? Toby: [sobbing] It's everything. Phyllis: [dancing with Stanley] I missed you. Stanley: I missed you too. Phyllis: Lots of people think that Stanley Hudson's a mean old grump. [laughs] But [crying] would a grump make this? It's me. It's me. Ryan: I love you. Kelly: [laughing] I love you too. Ryan: We're gonna be together forever. Kelly: We're running off into the sunset. Ryan: I finally mastered commitment. Kevin: [to Oscar] What was that stuff? Ravi: Hey, has anyone seen Ryan... or Kelly? Kevin: Ooh! Yes. Uh, They left together a little while ago. Kelly was hoping that you would keep the baby so they can start a new life together. Ravi: Oh, that's it. Here. [hands Drake to Kevin] Call child services and report an abandoned baby. We'll find a better parent than Ryan in no time. Kevin: Oh, I don't know. Nellie: Um, Kevin? Oh, I can help you with that. Yeah. I mean, I can find someone who will... who will love that beautiful little boy the way he deserves. Kevin: Hey, this is better. [hands Drake to Nellie] Nellie: Yes. It is. Oh yes it is. Nellie: If Ryan wants his baby back, please tell him where to fine me. We'll be somewhere in Europe. [looking at Drake] Won't we? Michael: [crying] I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It's every parent's dream. Darryl: Thank you go much. Dwight: Good night. Toby: Good luck. Val: Great. It was really fun. Dwight: Good evening. Val: The Doc crew's throwing a big after party in the warehouse tonight. Darryl: Yeah, I heard. It sounds kinda lame. [to camera] No offense. You going, Toby? Toby: Oh, I don't know. I might turn in early. Andy: It's only 6:00. Come on, everybody's going. Meredith: You have to go, Toby. Pete: Yeah, come on, Tobes. Val: Come on. Toby: Yeah. I'll stop by. Pete: There he is! Pam: I need to get out of this dress. Jim: I gotta get out of this dress. Carol Stills: Oh, I'm sorry Pam. Jim: What's going on? Pam: [sighs] [whispering] Why are you still here? Carol: [whispering] I'm so sorry. They were an hour late. Jim: No, really, what's going on? Pam: Okay, Okay. Um... so... this past year has been really great, and you've been great and I just... I know that you had to make this choice and you had to give something up for me. But I never want you to have to give up anything. I just thought if I could get us an offer then there wouldn't be anything standing in our way and I could come to you with this big Jim gesture... and show you all at once just how much I love you and how much I really do believe in your future. Jim: Sorry, how long have you been showing the house? Pam: About 2 months Jim: That's why it's so clean. Pam: Yeah. Jim: I mean, you were gonna do this without me? Pam: Well, you... you bought the house without telling me, so I thought I could sell it without telling you. Jim: Oh... okay. Where would we go? Pam: Austin? Maybe. Jim: I promise you, you don't have to do this for me. Pam: I'm doing it for us. Jim: The last... Buyer: Okay. We'll take it. Jim: [to the buyer] Hold on a second. [to Pam] The last few months have meant the world to me and all I care about... Pam: Hold on a second. [turning] Wait, what did you just say? Buyer: We wanna buy your house. Jim: You wanna do this? Pam: I wanna do this. Jim: You really want to do this? Pam: I really want to do this! Jim: [hugging Pam] [laughing] Oh my God! Jim: Hey, Darryl. [whispers in his ear] Darryl: What? All right! Pam: We're so excited. Phyllis: Cool. Woman: Oh, that's for PBS executives only. Stanley: I had to pledge $50 to my local PBS station just to get this. David Wallace: I think your ideas are fantastic, Oscar. I'd love to contribute to your campaign. Oscar: Thank you David. Pam: Uh, could I please have your attention? So a year ago, I got my first art commission to paint a mural for Dunder Mifflin and I decided to paint the history of paper...,which was just some trees and stuff. And then someone spray painted a bunch of butts on it and I had to start from the beginning. But it all worked out for the best because I think that I've painted the perfect thing which is the history of us. All of us. And this is for you Jim. [applause] And go ahead! [drape drops and everyone cheers] Pam: Everyone, Let's take our picture in front of the mural. Oh, um, I just...I kind of meant just everybody from the office. Photographer: [taking pictures] Very nice. Just a couple dozen more. Smiles, everybody, smiles. All right, that's great. I got enough. Thank you, everybody. Jim: [whispering to Pam] Let's go outside Pam: Okay. Stanley: Okay, I need a drink. Kevin: Yeah, we all need a drink. [opening Meredith's drawer] What the...there's only dandelion tea and raisins in here. Meredith: Hey, bottom drawer. Kevin: Yes! Pam: [answering the phone] Dunder Mifflin, This is Pam. Oh, I'm sorry. Jim Halpert doesn't work here anymore. Pam: I didn't watch the whole documentary. After a few episodes, it was too painful. I kept wanting to scream at Pam. It took me so long to do so many important things. It's just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could have been. Jim was 5 feet from my desk and it took me four years to get to him. It'd be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes. Not that I'm a tragic person. I'm really happy now. But...it would just...just make my heart soar if someone out there saw this and she said to herself "be strong, trust yourself, love yourself. Conquer your fears. Just go after what you want and act fast, because life just isn't that long." Kevin: If there is one thing that I have learned through this whole experience, it's that if you film anybody long enough, they're going to do something stupid. It's only human natural. Dwight: Hey guys. Angela: Hi. All: Hey! Pam: What about the honeymoon? Angela: Oh, the honeymoon can wait till tomorrow. We wanted to hang out with you guys. I mean, when are we all going to be here together again? Dwight: Aww, J, P and D. The Three Amigos. Ah, it warms my heart. Hey, what do you say, when I get back from out honeymoon, the three of us have a conference room meeting just for fun? [pause] What is that meaningful look? Jim: You know what? Maybe we should talk. Darryl: Hey, come here. You guys need to see this. Kevin: What is it? Andy: [on the computer] You're probably sitting there wondering what will be your mark. What will you be known for? It might surprise you to learn... Pam: I finally feel ready. Athlead is growing... Jim: Athleap. Pam: And Jim can jump back in without skipping a b*at. We'll come back to visit. But I think it's time for us to officially... Dwight: No, don't say it. You're fired! You're both fired! Jim: Dwight, come on. Don't end on a bad note. Dwight: Don't be an idiot. It's for the severance. The best I can do one month for every year you've been here. That's the max. Pam: Thanks Dwight. Jim: Hey, and if you're ever in Austin... Dwight: Woah. Right. For what, the art? The music? The incredible nightlife? No thank you. But if you're ever in the area, you'll always have a place to stay...in my barn. Jim: There it is. Dwight: Do I get along with my co-workers? Well, first of all, I don't have co-workers anymore, I have subordinates. So... have I gotten along with my subordinates? Let's see. My supplier relations rep, Meredith Palmer, is the only person I know who knows how to properly head bang to Motorhead. Oscar Martinez, my accountant, is now godfather to my son. Angela Schrute, my former accountant is now my wife. My top salesman, Jim Halpert was best man at my wedding and office administrator Pamela Beesley Halpert is my best friend. So...yes. I'd say I have gotten along with my subordinates. Andy: [on computer] You might feel sorry for me but I actually feel sorry for you. Because you're about to leave Cornell. So say it with me: [all]: Oh, I can so just sit here and cry. Kevin: Oh, Yes! Darryl: You did good. Real good. Andy: Thanks Dad...Darryl. Andy: I spent so much of my time here at Dunder Mifflin thinking about my old pals, my college a cappella group. The weird thing is now, I'm exactly where I wanna be. I got my dream job at Cornell and I'm still just thinking about my old pals. Only now they're the ones I made here. I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them. [pause] Someone should write a song about that. Oscar: You take something ordinary, like a piece of paper. It's not much. But if you see it in the right way...And that's what you did with this documentary. But seriously, you made a nine-year documentary and you couldn't once show me doing my origami. Creed: [walking out of the bathroom discovered by all] Uh..ohh! Creed: [playing guitar and singing] I saw a friend today. It had been a while. And we forgot each others names. But it didn't matter. ‘Cause deep inside the feeling still remained the same... Jim: Imagine going back and watching a tape of your life. You could see yourself change and make mistakes...and grow up. You could watch yourself fall in love, watch yourself become a husband, become a father. You guys gave that to me. And that's...an amazing gift. Phyllis: Hey, Jim, remember flonkerton when you did Office Olympics? It was awesome. Jim: Thanks Phyl. Creed: I still have my medal from that. Angela: Do you even have a mattress? Creed: No, but I still have my medal from that. Kevin: Oscar. Oscar. [crying] I think I'm gay. Oscar: Why do you say that? Kevin: [sniffles] It's just that I'm so emotional. Oscar: Yeah, but you're not gay. You're not gay. Kevin: No, but maybe the reason... Oscar: You're not gay. Creed: [still playing and singing] And all the faces that I know have that same familiar glow. I think I must have known them somewhere once before. Erin: How did you do it? How did you capture what it was really like? How we felt and how made each other laugh and how we got through the day? How did you do it? Also, how do cameras work? Darryl: Everyday when I came into work, all I wanted to do was leave. So why in the world does it feel so hard to leave right now? Creed: It all seems so very arbitrary. I applied for a job at this company because they were hiring. I took a desk at the back because it was empty. But...[chuckles] no matter how you get there or where you end up, human beings have this miraculous gift to make that place home. [standing with two cops] Let's do this. Meredith: I just feel lucky that I got a chance to share my crummy story with anyone out there who thinks they're the only one to take a dump in a paper shredder. You're not alone sister. Let's get a beer sometime. Phyllis: I'm happy that this was all filmed so I can remember everyone and what we did. I worked for a paper company all these years and I never wrote anything down. Jim: I sold paper at this company for 12 years. My job was to speak to clients on the phone about quantities and types of copier paper. Even if I didn't love every minute of it, everything I have, I owe to this job. This stupid...wonderful...boring...amazing job. Pam: I thought it was weird when you picked us to make a documentary. But all in all...I think an ordinary paper company like Dunder Mifflin was a great subject for a documentary. There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x24/25 - Finale"}	foreverdreaming
Erin: The tea in Nepal is very hot. Kevin: But the coffee in Peru is much hotter. [Erin buzzes him into the office] Dwight: Last week I finally became permanent manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. My first project: increase security. I got these doors from a jewelry store that had recently gone out of business. Now they're protecting America's real treasure, paper. Every morning I email the day's security codes. Something that's been really missing from my life has been writing secret codes. It's not the KGB, but it's a start. Erin: The tea in Nepal is very hot. Dwight: But the coffee in Peru is far hotter. Erin: Close. Dwight: This is Tuesday, right? The coffee in Paraguay is far hotter? Erin: Colder. Dwight: The coffee in Paraguay is colder? Erin: No, I meant you're getting colder. The correct response is, "the coffee in Peru is much hotter." Dwight: Ah, much, ok. Erin: But, that's three wrong, so I gotta give you the steam. [Dwight begins to protest] Unless you want me to break protocol? Dwight: No, no. Give me the steam. Dwight: It's just harmless steam to panic intruders. I'd like to get harmful steam, but the prices are absurd. Dwight: [while getting steamed] Break protocol! Break protocol! Break protocol! Creed: [carrying in clothes on hangers] Oh, I'm saving a fortune on dry cleaning. Philip: Mama! Oscar: Angela, someone wants you. Angela: Ok, coming. Hi, baby. Oscar: Angela's divorce from the senator has been very difficult for her. When she got kicked out of her apartment, I invited her to move in with me. Ironic that it's Angela who's living in the closet. Hey-o. Oscar: Saddle shoes. With denim? I will literally call child services. Esther: Go get ‘em, honey. Dwight: Oh, don't worry. They'll get got. Dwight: Manager of Dunder Mifflin? Check. Owner of a 1600-acre beet farm? Check. Engaged to be married to an actual milkmaid? Check... on that later today. This is my grandmother's ring. It was made from a bllet I took out of her left buttock. She was a moonshiner sht by Adolph Coors. This is my grandmother's buttock bllet ring. Andy: Hello, good morning. My name is Andrew Bernard. You might know me from a TV documentary that's premiering tonight. I also klled it in local theater and I am fresh off of a hot industrial flick. Check-in guy: Ok, thanks. Go ahead and get in the back of the line. Andy: Yes! Andy: Well, brned all my bridges at Dunder Mifflin, and time to become the next American Idol. By winning America's Next A Cappella Sensation. On channel TBD. It's a really cool show, it's like a revision of the whole American Idol, Voice, Sing-Off phenomenon. On this show, all three judges are mean! Jim: Sales form for you to sign. Dwight: You know what to do. [waits for Jim to put form in inbox, signs it and returns it to outbox] Ok Dwight: Behind every great regional manager is a great assistant to the regional manager, and I have chosen one of the best. Jim: Aw, thanks, man. Dwight: Once upon a time we were natural enemies, but we've overcome our differences. Much like Germany and Italy in World wr— Jim: No. Dwight: Good call. Together we run a no-nonsense office. Jim: Pre-conference room meeting with Dwight went really well. Pam: Oh, bodes well for the post-conference room meeting. Jim: All depends on the conference room meeting itself. [phone chimes] Uh, okay. Pam: Is that them again? Jim: Yeah. Pam: Maybe you should call back? Jim: I will. I will. Jim: The guys at Athlead are still bugging me about this three month roadshow thing. Meeting athletes on their home turf, building relationships. Yeah, it sounds exciting. But I said no, and that's final. I almost lost Pam over this business. I'm not risking that again. Pam: When Jim decided to come back to Scranton full-time, I was relieved, but I also feel a little guilty. I mean, he's giving up this big thing for me. But he seems happy. I mean, he's certainly been goofing around a lot. I love goofy Jim. Dwight: Welcome. Jim: He welcomes you. Dwight: Please take an agenda item. Jim: Your agenda-taking pleases him. Dwight: Have a seat, Phyllis. There we go. As you know, I like to begin each day with an inspirational quote. "Some say the only failure there is is the failure to try." [buzzer sound] That is wrong. Failure of any kind is failure. Jim, over to you. Jim: Let's not get crazy and ruin our no-nonsense streak, all right? So, for instance, if you're expecting a fax today, please don't yell out, "Michael J. Fax from Fax to the Future." Ok? That's nonsense. Pam: Question. Jim: Yes, beautiful girl in the front. Pam: We are expecting a water delivery today at 10am. What if, as they're delivering the water jugs, someone screams out, "Nice jugs"? Jim: That's obviously nonsense. Nonsense. And what percentage of nonsense do we tolerate in this office? Everyone: [overlapping] Zero. No nonsense. You can't have nonsense. Dwight: [as Angela enters with Phillip] What is going on? Angela: Daycare won't take Phillip anymore. Oscar: Why? Angela: Apparently my station in life has descended to a depth even they won't forgive. So, hi. Oscar: Hi, buddy. Dwight: Ok. Um, new agenda item. Phillip will be joining us in the office today. Jim: Gotta write that down. Ok, big day today. Airing of the documentary. Who's excited? Meredith: I'd better come out of this smelling like a rose. I've been on my best behavior for nine years. If it wasn't for the cameras, I would've done some truly vulgar crap. Stanley: Over the course of this documentary I've had three affairs. If you find my body in a ditch, let me save the police some trouble: my wife did it. Dwight: I'm letting you all off half an hour early to view the documentary. So you can make it up to me by working an extra half an hour tomorrow, or a minute extra for the rest of the month. Kevin: Ooh, announcement! Some of us whose televisions got broken during an all-you-can-eat shrimp commercial will be watching tonight at Poor Richard's. But note, all are welcome, not just those whose saw an all-you-can-eat shrimp commercial and charged their televisions. Oscar: I can't believe the doc is finally going to air. When this thing started, I was still having sex with women. As was Kevin, I believe. Creed: This airs tonight? Oh my god. If my parents see this, I am toast. Andy: This is really huge. This is like the March on Washington but for a singing show. Can you imagine if Martin Luther King were here? And sang "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Mis? With that baritone? That would be historic. Casey: Whoo-hoo! Casey Dean! Cincinnati, Ohio! [singing] Doctor, doctor, gimme the news, I got a great Casey Dean for you. Andy: No! Casey: America wants it! Andy: No, this is my time! You don't belt on my time! I belt on my time. Casey: [singing] Casey Dean! Andy: [vocalizing over her] Casey Dean! Casey: Man, those are some nice pipes. Andy: Yeah. Casey: What's your name? Andy: Andy. What's yours? Angela: Why didn't you pack the apple snacks? Oscar: Why didn't you pack the apple snacks? Kevin: Guys. Angela: Because whenever I pack the bag, you say I do it wrong. Kevin: Guys. Angela: Why don't you pack it? Kevin: Guys. Angela & Oscar: Kevin, what? Kevin: Do you want to see a video of a weatherman who says "bold front" instead of "cold front"? It's insane. Angela: Not now, Kevin. Can't you see we're busy? Phillip needs his apple snacks. Oscar: Seriously, Kevin. I'm just gonna have to go to the store. Angela: Ok, you go to the store. Kevin: Philllip, Phillip, Phillip. It's all about Phillip. I hate Phillip. Dwight: Not now! Private time! Jim: I love Star Wars as much as the next guy— Dwight: Hey, hey! Seriously? [holds up Battlestar Galactica model box] Jim: My god, I'm so sorry. Well this might make up for it: I think I have found an enormous source of overlooked PFN. Dwight: Which is, of course... Jim: Potential future nonsense. Dwight: Yes, good abbreviating, Jim. That saved some time. Now, hurry up, shut the door. Break it down for me. Jim: I'm gonna need you to look at your hierarchy mobile. You've got a regional manager. Dwight: The power source. Jim: Obviously, the assistant to the regional manager. Dwight: A loyal, but bungling apostle. Jim: But what about the assistant assistant to the regional manager? Dwight: Someone to whisper in the ear of the consigliore. Jim: Exactly. Dwight: I'd have to get some more wire and string, but it's doable. Do you think any of them out there are capable? Jim: Yeah, right. I mean, unless they're willing to pass some tests. Dwight: I like the sound of that. Who do you have in mind? Jim: Well, I know this sounds crazy, but how would King Arthur choose the next knight of his round table? Dwight: That doesn't sound crazy, Jim. That's the sanest thing I've ever heard. Casey: What're you listening to? Andy: Hmm? Um, uh, locking in my starting note. A 440. Casey: Oh, sweet. Andy: A cappella is all about pitch, and I am nothing if not a total pitch bitch. Mark McGrath: What's up, everybody? And welcome to America's Next A Cappella Singing Sensation! Casey: Ah! It's Mark McGrath! Oh my god! You're gorgeous! Mark McGrath: Thank you, thank you so much. And thank you for your patience. And we hope to see you guys within the next five to seven hours. Now, just to give you a couple parameters of the show, each of you will sing a song for thirty seconds, after which our judges will decide if they want you in their a cappella group. Now, each group will start with 90 singers, which will compete in a series of singing and physical challenges. Oh, and look out for that pesky mole! Andy: There's a mole? Mark McGrath: Oops. I'm not supposed to—I'm not supposed to say that. All right, no mole. Forget I said it, all right? Andy: What mole? What are you talking about? I already forgot about it. Mark McGrath: Good man right there. I'll see you guys inside. Good luck, all right? Andy: Yeah! Pour some Sugar Ray on me! Casey: What? On a roll much? Andy: I don't know where it came from. Casey: That was amazing, man! Andy: Yeah. Yeah, it felt good. It felt funny. Casey: Yeah, you made a personal connection with him. Andy: I did, I felt it. Casey: Big time. Pam: What are you so excited about? Jim: Nothing. Pam: What are you up to? Jim: Members of the office, hear ye. Dwight: That means ye, Plop! Pete: Plop? Still? Dwight: We owe Andy that much. Am I right people? Pete: Fine. Jim: Today we will be testing candidates for the position of assistant to the assistant to the regional manager. Erin: Aw, heck ya! Pam: Nice. Dwight: You'll always have the upper hand, when you've got a good a-arm. Trademark pending. Jim: This is not an excuse to blow off work doing carnival-like activities. Sure, every participant will be getting a corndog, but that's for fueling only. No savoring. Dwight: Wow, the honor. God, I envy them. Jim: He envies you. Dwight: You don't need to repeat right now, when I'm saying it. Jim: Alright. Jim: By 2:00, Dwight will chose himself to be assistant to his own assistant, me. Darryl: What up? Glenn: What's going on? How was the delivery? Darryl: Delivered all my furniture to Philly. Hey, keep it down, though. Nobody knows I'm here. Darryl: I hate goodbyes, so last week, when I left Dunder Mifflin for good, I pulled the old Irish Exit. Just slipped out without making a big deal. No hard feelings. No feelings at all. Jim: A good assistant knows what their superior is thinking before they even think it. Meredith, what number am I thinking of right now? Meredith: Uh, two. Jim: 985,000,000,000,017. Dwight: Not even close, Meredith. Come on! Jim: Okay, Pam. What song is running through my head right now? Pam: Theme song from Saved by the Bell. Jim: Oh, my god! It was the theme song to Boy Meets World. Dwight: Wait, no, no, no, stop. Spouses can read each other's minds. You're trying to give your wife this job. Jim: That's exactly what I was doing. Plop, what animal am I picturing? Pete: A horse. Jim: Ew, the exact opposite, actually. Pete: What's the opposite of a horse? Jim: Come on. Jim & Dwight: Sea horse. Jim: Whoa. How did you know that I was gonna— Jim & Dwight: Say that? Uncanny. Jim: Challenge number two, protocol. Clark? Clark: Yeah. Jim: Do you want a corn dog? Clark: I would love a corn dog. Jim: We'll see. You are an assistant who's just gotten a phone message. I am in a meeting with Dwight, Robert Dunder, and his niece. Uh-oh, look who came to join us. The Turkish ambassador to Armenia, Yuri Slovak, who, by the way, is extremely embarrassed about the size of his nose. Go ahead and read that phone message. Clark: [reading] Mr. Halpert, your wife called to find out how your meeting with Yuri Big Nose went." Dwight: No, no, no, no! You don't read it aloud like that! God! Besides, the whole thing is a trick question. There's no Turkish ambassador to Armenia. The two countries don't have diplomatic relations. Jim: Uncanny. Soldier: I just hope that if my buddies who are still in Afghanistan see me win, they'll feel like anything is possible. Andy: Great, more screen time for the wr vet. All you gotta do is risk your life for this country and everyone goes gaga for you. Casey: Over at the porta-potties, they were interviewing a homeless, single mother with three kids. Andy: What? Casey: Yeah. Andy: Is this a show about the resiliency of the human spirit? Or is it a show about singing? Casey: I don't know. But I'm getting really worried here. Andy: Me too. Hold my place in line. Casey: Where are you going? Andy: They want feel-good stories? Wait until they get a good feel of me. Darryl: Thanks, man. Hank: Thank you. Darryl: Yep. Take care. Pam: Darryl, hey. Darryl: Hey. Pam: Cool, are you coming back to say hi? Darryl: No, no, I'm not here actually. These donuts are part of my escape from the guys at the warehouse I didn't say goodbye to. Pam: Aha. How's Athlead? Darryl: We livin' like rock stars. I'm about to eat free steaks with my sports heroes in 32 different cities. Pam: Wow. Darryl: Jim really doesn't want to come? Pam: He says he doesn't want to. Darryl: Wow. Man. I hope he doesn't regret it. Pam: Well, he seems really happy being back here at Dunder Mifflin. Darryl: Jim is happy here, selling paper at Dunder Mifflin? Pam: That's what he says. Darryl: If you say so. Hey, good seeing you. Remember, I was never here. All right, then. Jim: An assistant brings their boss coffee with speed and dexterity. But an assistant to the assistant has a thousand times more to prove, am I right? Dwight: A thousand times more. Phyllis: I'll try this one. Jim: Phyllis! Grab both these coffees, double-fist it, and head through this obstacle course. Phyllis: [grabbing the coffee] Hot! Jim: Yeah. It's real. It's the only way you'll learn. OK, and go ahead. [Phyllis carefully makes her way through the obstacle course] Oh, god, nice! She's through the green, everybody. Here comes yellow, real doozy. Careful! Dwight: [over Jim] No, no, no! Phyllis, seriously? Jim: Look at that form. Dwight: [running over and taking the coffee cups from Phyllis] Oh, god, this is pathetic! The boss needs his coffee! [races through obstacles, spilling coffee] Augh! Ah! Here you are, sir! Here's your coffee! Ah, my skin, ow, ow! It burns! Ah! Jim: Uncanny. [everyone applauds] Erin: Darryl?! Darryl! Kevin: Whoa. Darryl: Oh, hey. Hey, what's up, y'all? Erin: You left us without saying goodbye. Darryl: Oh, my bad. Goodbye, everybody. Meredith: Hey! No way! Kevin: That's totally uncool. Erin: Are you kidding? You broke our hearts. Get upstairs. Darryl: I don't think I sh- Erin: Get upstairs, mister! Meredith: Yeah! Kevin: Right. Now. Darryl: Guess I'm going upstairs. Jim: You know, Dwight, this whole search for the assistant thing—none of these people are good enough. Dwight: I know. Jim: What I'm about to say makes no logical sense, and yet, it might be the most logical thing I've ever said. Dwight: Jim, this is gonna come as no surprise but I know exactly what you are going to say. The only possible assistant to my assistant- Jim: Is- Dwight: Me. Jim: The new assistant to the assistant to the regional manager is Dwight K. Schrute. Dwight: Yes! [weak applause] Thank you. Jim: I think you might want to kneel for this. And yet, the manager for Dunder Mifflin kneels for no one. [Dwight awkwardly squats] That's it. You look really, really good. Dwight: Okay, from now on, anyone who needs to speak to me has got to go through me first, all right? Jim: Hey. Pam: Hey. Jim: You all right? What's going on? Pam: Are you happy? Jim: Yes, I'm happy. Pam: No, I know that you're, like, happy and, like, you had fun today. Jim: Yeah. Pam: And that was fun. But what about a year from now? Jim: What? Pam: What about five years from now? Jim: Pam. Pam: Because I'm so glad you're back, baby, but I'm just—I was talking to Darryl, and he was talking about the trip, and I just feel like you're giving up so much. Jim: This was my decision, not yours. Pam: Okay. Jim: You didn't force me. Pam: I kind of forced you to do it. Jim: You did not force me to do this. Pam: Yes, I did. Jim: I don't know how else to tell you. Pam: I'm afraid that you're gonna resent me and I'm afraid that— Jim: Resent you? Pam: This is not enough for you and I'm afraid that I'm not enough for you. Jim: Is that really what you think? Jim: Not enough? I don't know how else to explain it to her, so, you know what? I know it's against the rules but I'm gonna need a favor from you guys. Camera Crew: Okay. You got it, man. Darryl: I didn't realize we were this close. Phyllis: We're all a little hormonal with the doc airing. Meredith: Are you gonna come to Poor Richard's and watch with us tonight? Darryl: Uh... yeah. Depending on traffic. Stanley: He ain't coming. Erin: Oh, god! Darryl: These dudes are definitely in a weird mood. Picked the wrong day to return a truck. Darryl: Well, it's been great. Phyllis: Eleven years. A guy is in your life for 11 years and then he's gone for who knows how long. Darryl: Maybe forever. Anyhow— Oscar: Did we ever have lunch together, just—just the two of us? You know what, I'm gonna make reservations right now at Cugino's. Meredith: Question for Darryl. Did we ever get loaded and listen to Zeppelin in my van? Darryl: Oh, oh, I'm sure we did. Meredith: Nah, I call one hour van time with Darryl. Clark: Darryl, you know, I would love to just record some of your stories, just let the tape roll for six or eight or ten hours and just see what we get. Erin: Listen guys, we can do it all. We just have to divide Darryl's next 12 hours into 90-minute segments. I will go watch an eHow video on how to use Excel, and then we'll get this started. Darryl: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Okay, I made the mistake of sneaking out of here and that's on me. But I'm not gonna spend the rest of the day here doing stuff with you cause you're feeling sentimental. Meredith: You have to! [everyone grumbling] Darryl: Hey, hey, hey. I'll do one thing with y'all. Phyllis: Which thing? Darryl: I don't care, choose amongst yourselves. Not the van though. Angela: Kevin, Kevin. Kevin: Oh, you know my name. Well, that is shocking. [continues making noise] Angela: Kevin, could you not do that? Kevin: What? I'm moving the ink down in my pen, for work. Oscar: Here, use my pen. Kevin: Don't tell me what to do! Angela & Oscar: Shhh! Kevin: No, I don't need this! And you obviously don't need me. Angela: Kevin, where are you going? Kevin: Away. Tell Phillip that his stupid little baby wish came true. Oscar: He just won't go down. It's as if he's excited by all this paper. Angela: I know. Earlier today he tried to eat some of the 24-weight letter bond. Dwight: Smart baby. That's the most flavorful bond. Andy: Hey, what's goin' on over here? Some sort of singing competition for the young'uns? Casey: You're back! Andy: No, it's me, Andy! Casey: No, I know. Andy: No, no, no. I'm wearing makeup. Casey: You did a really great job. You even look shorter. Andy: Oh, I took out my lifts. Casey: Oh. Andy: Yeah, unlike Andy Bernard, this character is my real height. Casey: Oh. Esther: All day long, it's moo the cows and cluck the hens. Get the sheep baa-ed. Oink the pigs. Dwight: Oink the pigs, that is very important. [watching Phillip] Esther: Dwight, I'm telling you about all the things that ma said after the horse kicked her in the head. Where are you? Dwight? Dwight: The way that boy looks at the Galactica is precisely the way I look at the Galactica. And he eats the same kind of paper I do. Hmm. Dwight: [puts his grandmother's ring away] Thank you, Esther. Esther: Bye. [Dwight throws "Now" beanie at Jim's head] Jim: You threw the summoning bag at me, sir? Dwight: I need you to perform a test. Jim: Perform a test. Dwight: On an innocent baby. Jim: Ooh, I like where this is going. Unfortunately I have a lot of work today so I'm gonna have to hand this off to my number two. But, don't worry, he's the best in the biz. Dwight: Damn straight. Jim: Unless you think he can't handle it. Dwight: Hey, he can handle it. Jim: All right. Oscar: [holding Phillip] Listen, listen. Shh, buddy. Stanley's sleeping. You don't want to wake up the grumpy old walrus, do you? Stanley: I heard that. Phillip: Mama. Dwight: Hey, you want me to take the little diaper blaster? Pam can attest, there's no one better at getting brats to shut their yaps. Pam: He does have a gift. Oscar: Well, he's calling for his mom, but, okay, here, here you go. Careful, he bites. Phillip: Mama. Dwight: Okay. [takes Phillip who immediately stops crying] You ever been in a manager's office before? Dwight: Phillip, you wanna play a little game? It's called "Schrute or Consequences." You're gonna choose one of these two things. A check for a million dollars, or this dirty old beet. Yuck, pew! Which will it be? Money or the beet? Phillip: Beet. Dwight: Yeah. Any ordinary child would have taken the money, but you're no ordinary child are you? No. I can tell by your gorgeous, widely-set eyes. Check-in guy: Sorry, folks, the judges are totally swamped. We are all done taking auditions. People in line: Oh come on! Hey! Andy: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Check-in guy: But thanks for coming out and be sure to watch America's Next A Cappella Sensa— Andy: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't do that. You can't do that, we've all been waiting. Check-in guy: Okay. Andy: I am going in there! Don't— Check-in guy: No, you're not, sir. Andy: Don't—don't— Check-in guy: Please don't. Andy: Don't touch me. Check-in guy: I'm not touching you. Okay? [Andy makes a break for it] Casey: Run, old man! Run! Run! Run for your life! Get off. Don't you dare. Don't get—I could see it. You were gonna get handsy with me. Not interested. I'm Casey Dean! You'll be seeing the last of me. Er, I meant you won't be seeing the last of me! Oscar: Hey. Did you manage to feed him? I don't know what it is. He just keeps spitting out the nipple. Dwight: That is because this baby is of superior intelligence. He can tell when he's being tricked out of the experience of a real human breast. Kevin: He's not that smart. He doesn't know where I hid his duck. Andy: [interrupting contestant singing "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera] Hi. You're still here. Oh, thank god. Clay Aiken, Santigold, Aaron Rodgers. You're like, my three favorite people ever. Santigold: What is this? Andy: [shushing contestant] Sweetheart, you're amazing, okay? You're obviously gonna be on the show, so it's someone else's turn now. Yeah, go ahead. All right, [old man voice] my name is Ezra Cornell and I'm just a kindly old fellow with a song in my heart. Aaron Rodgers: No, you're a middle-aged man with a lot of makeup on. Andy: Busted. Yes, got it. All right. Tried to get your attention with tricks, but you just want to hear me sing, I respect that. Clay Aiken: No, we do not want to hear you sing. Santigold: Gabriella was our last audition. Thank you. Goodbye. Andy: Nope! Can't end like this. Slept in my car last night, quit my job, brned all my bridges. I went to the bathroom on my boss's car. And I did unspeakable things with Carla Fern. Aaron Rodgers: Flag on the play. Andy: That's—that's what—yeah. Okay, all right, well, here's the song. [singing] Far above Cayuga's waters, with her waves so blue, stands our noble alma mater— Santigold: What is this song? Andy: Are you insane? It's the Cornell fight song. Clay Aiken: Listen, all right, thank you very much, we're not interested. Andy: You didn't let me finish. That's not fair. Aaron Rodgers: Look, man, you're not terrible. We've heard a lot of really good singers today and you're just not good enough. Andy: Wow, you guys are really mean. I guess that's the show. Let me try a different song, okay? Aaron Rodgers: Can he do this? Andy: [singing] Hey, hobo man, hey, dapper Dan, you both got your style, but, brother, you're never fully dressed without a smile. [falters at the judges' reactions] Yeah. Your clothes may be beau brummelly— Santigold: Look, you gotta go. [Andy falls to his knees, sobbing] You can't just sit here and cry. Andy: Oh I can so just sit here and cry! Jim: [addressing camera after opening envelope on his desk] Thank you. Oscar: Hey, Kev, how you doing, buddy? Kevin: Can't hear you. I'm giving you the silence treatment. How does it feel being ignored? Oscar: Okay, I guess, it's just that Phillip got you something. Angela: Yeah, a $25 gift card, iTunes. Oscar: I think there's, like, $7 left. Angela: It's just his way of saying, "Thanks for letting me hang out in Accounting." Kevin: Phillip got this for me? Oscar: Sure. Kevin: That was a really cool move. Angela: Would you like to hold Phillip? [hands off Phillip] Yeah. That's Kevin. Kevin: Whoa. Oscar: Easy. Kevin: What a chubbers. Whoa. Angela: Okay, watch it. Kevin: I'm losing my balance. Angela: No, Kevin, no. Oscar: Hey, no. Kevin: Whoa! Oscar: No horseplay. Angela: Stop it. Kevin: You wanna play with the cactus? Angela: No, no! Kevin: So, me and Phillip were just talking and we decided we're gonna be best friends. He's a little standoffish at first. But once he starts buying you things, man, you can tell he likes you. Erin: We have our decision. Darryl: You chose one thing? Erin: We want to dance with you. Darryl: You want to dance? Erin: One dance, all of us together. Darryl: This is what you want? Erin: Absolutely. Darryl: Better get some decent speakers up here then, cause we're gonna do this right. Erin: Yes! [Stanley, Creed, Meredith and Creed all cheer] Angela: Hey. You wanted to see me? Dwight: Door. Chair. It's about Phillip. Angela: I am sorry he's here today but I had— Dwight: I believe that boy may be a Schrute. And if he is, that child needs to be accorded what is his. An enormous farm, an inheritance, and the right to be raised under rigorous Schrute traditions. You will, of course, be compensated with a marriage proposal. Angela: How thoughtful. Dwight: Then the two of you would move to my 1,600-acre estate, which, let's face it, is a big step up from living in a gay man's closet. Angela: If he is your son, that's a great plan. But he's not. He's not your son. Dwight: Very well. Angela: Can I go back to my desk now? Dwight: Yes. Pam: What is this? Jim: Well I've been trying to tell you how I feel, and you wouldn't believe me, so [shows her DVD] I needed a little help. Dwight: Jim! I need my assistant to the regional manager. Code red. Jim: OK, I don't have my pocket code chart on me, right now, so. Dwight: [throws "now" beanbag at Jim] Now. Jim: I have an assistant now, who can help you with whatever you need. He is lazy, so crack the whip. Dwight: Jim. I'm not kidding. I need you. Pam: Go ahead. Jim: Ok, um, this is... [leaves DVD with her]—I'll be right back. Jim: What do we got? Dwight: I was thinking of proposing to Esther today. Jim: Wow! Congratulations, that's a really big step. Dwight: She's got a ton of great qualities. She's young, she's beautiful, genes so pure you could lick them. Her family admires me, my family tolerates hers. A lot of them are the same people because we're third cousins, which is great for bloodlines and isn't technically incest. Jim: Right in the sweet spot. I think you're gonna be really happy. Dwight: Plus her dowry contains a walk-in freezer full of frozen, premium cattle sperm. Jim: [whistles] That's a lot of pros. Dwight: And did I mention that she weaves? Colorful, durable blankets and rugs! It all adds up. Jim: So what is the problem? Dwight: Angela. [Pam hesitates but puts the DVD into the laptop to watch] Jim: I don't know what you want me to tell you, man. All I know is that every time I've been faced with a tough decision, there's only one thing that outweighs every other concern. One thing that will make you give up on everything you thought you knew, every instinct, every rational calculation. Dwight: Some sort of virus? Jim: Love. Dwight: Oh. [Pam starts the video; title screen reads "Beesly—You think I'll have regrets. I asked the doc crew to help me show you why I won't..."; highlights of Pam and Jim from the documentary play over Snow Patrol's "Open Your Eyes"] Jim: Dwight, listen: no matter what happens, you gotta forget about all the other stuff. You gotta forget about logic and fear and doubt. You just gotta do everything you can to get to the one woman who's gonna make all this worth it. At the end of the day, you gotta jump. You love Angela, Dwight. I think you always have. Dwight: You're a good assistant, Jim. Jim: Not as good as you. Dwight: That's very true. Get the hell outta here. Jim: You got it. [video shows teapot clip from "Christmas Party"; Pam notices the card that Jim took back] Jim: You watched it. Pam: Yeah. Jim: Well, then I guess you're ready for this. [gives her the Christmas card] Pam: What's that? Jim: It's from the teapot. Everything you'll ever need to know is in that note. [Pam reads the card] Not enough for me? You are everything. Pam: Thank you. Erin: Ok, everybody ready? Phyllis: ht it, red! ["Boogie Wonderland" by Earth Wind & fre plays as Darryl dances with each member of the office] Darryl: I wanted to leave quietly. It seemed dignified. But having Kevin grind up on my front while Erin pretends to hump me from behind is a more accurate tribute to my years here. I'm gonna miss these guys. Oscar: Ok, I've got my— Meredith: See you guys at Poor Richard's, all right? Oscar: All right, Meredith. Angela: Okay, bye. Oscar: See you there. Kevin: Bye, Phillip. High five. Oscar: Yay! I am gonna drop Phillip off at my mother's, and I'll meet you at Poor Richard's in an hour. Angela: Are you sure you don't want me to drop him off? Oscar: She doesn't know I'm living with a straight woman. I don't want to get her hopes up. Angela: All right. Bye, buddy. Bye, bye, bye! Oscar: Oh, my goodness. Dwight: [in bullhorn] Pull over! Angela: Dwight? Dwight: Move to the side of the road! Angela: Why? Dwight: Pull over! Angela: What do you—Dwight! [Dwight cuts her off in his car, they pull over] Angela: [getting out of her car] Dwight! What the [bleep] is your problem! Dwight: [on bullhorn still] Shut up, woman! Angela: Who drives like that? Dwight: Listen to me! I love you! And I don't care that Phillip's not my son. I will raise 100 children with 100 of your lovers if it means that I can be with you! Angela: Can you put that down? Dwight: This expresses how loudly I love you. Angela: It's too loud. Dwight: [puts down bullhorn and kneels] This is a ring, taken from the buttocks of my grandmother, put there by the gangster patriarch of the Coors dynasty, melted in a foundry run by Mennonites. Angela: Okay, yes—yes, I will! [they kiss] I love you! Dwight: I love you! Angela: And I lied to you. Dwight: What? Angela: Phillip's your son. Dwight: What? Why would you say that— Angela: I just needed you to want to marry me because you wanted to marry me. Dwight: [excited] Get out! I'm a dad! Angela: You're a dad! Creed: Hey, grab a seat. We have that table and that table, but not that table or that table or that table. Floor's up for grabs. Meredith has been hogging the can. [Dwight kisses Creed's head] Oh! Erin: You have to change the channel to PBS. Kevin: Yeah. Bartender: College baseball is on. Erin: But there's a documentary coming up. Everyone in the bar will love it. Bartender: What's it about? Erin: A paper company. Bartender: How many people want the game? [half the bar cheers] Who wants PBS? [other half cheers] Sorry. Tie means I do nothing. Kevin: Sir, please. This show is about me and my attempts to find love in all the wrong places. Andy: One more for the doc. [the office staff cheers] Bartender: All right. Kevin: Yes! Clark: Hey, how was the singing show audition? Andy: Oh. Eh, whatever. No big deal. Creed: Ok, thirty seconds to showtime! Kevin: I feel scared a little. Phyllis: Yeah, I'm not ready for this. Stanley: No one is ready for this. You can't be ready for this. We don't even know what this is. Oscar: One thing we do know, nothing will ever be the same. Jim: Here we go. [documentary starts with the first scene of "Pilot"]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Office", "episode": "09x22/23 - A.A.R.M"}	foreverdreaming
The Originals Pilot: 1x01 - Always and Forever Over the course of my long life, I have come to believe that we are bound forever to those with whom we share blood. and while we may not choose our family, their bond can be our greatest strength, or... our deepest regret. This unfortunate truth has haunted me for as long as I can recall. (An abandoned ship is shown left in the middle of the sea.) Man 1: What do you make of that? Man 2: No banner; no flag. Floated in out of nowhere. A miracle ship. Man 1: Why is it just sitting out there? Man 2: Suppose we ought to find out. (The men are shown entering the ship, below deck. They walk down the ladder one by one holding up lanterns for light as we hear water dripping sounds. They have other men with them.) Man 2: Where in hell is everyone? Man 1: Deserted. Which makes everything in the hold legally forfeit. Take what suits you. Man 1: What do you make of that? (He refers to two coffins.) Man 1: Open it up. (Man 2 hesitates slightly, but soon opens the coffin, to reveal a daggered Kol.) Man 2: (Looks over the body) What the hell?! (Suddenly a door is heard swung open and men start to get attcked and disappear, but it is unclear who's doing the attacking. There are wind sounds nearby as the men start to disappear. Man 2 is the last one left. He holds up his lantern to see who's taking his men.) Rebekah: Hello. (Man 2 turns around with his lantern up to face Rebekah. She is vamped up and her veins begin to disappear, as she wipes the blood off her lips with her handkerchief.) Rebekah: Lovely to see such a handsome face after a long journey. Can I eat him, brother? Elijah: I'd rather you didn't. (Eljiah is heard as a voiceover and soon appears out of a dark corner. He smiles slightly at Man 2.) Elijah: There's no need to be afraid. (Compels) And do exactly as I say. You will remember nothing. Man 2: I will remember nothing. Elijah: We've had a very long journey, wherein which, unfortunately, we lost all of our crew. Therefore, I will ask you kindly to transport our belongings to the shore. Man 2: What kind of hell demons are you? Rebekah: We're vampires, darling. The Original vampires: Rebekah, Elijah, our brothers Kol and Finn; may they rest in peace. Klaus: Are we saving the best for last? Rebekah: And our half-brother, Niklaus. Ignore him; he's a beast. (Klaus is shown with Man 1 as a dad body in his arms. His face is vamped up with blood over his mouth and he laughs slightly at Rebekah's comment, before pushing the dad body to the ground, which lands with a loud thud.) Klaus: We fled Europe and survived the seas. Would you rather I arrive hungry on the shores of our new homeland? Elijah: Niklaus, your manners are, as always, without equal. Sir, would you be so good as to tell us where it is that we have landed? Man 2: The French colony of Louisiana, off the shores of a town they have named New Orleans. Elijah: Thank you so much. Oh, I do recommend that you find yourself further assistance for the luggage. My sincere apologies. (Elijah soon leaves. Man 2 looks around with his lantern to see men lying dad on the ground. Some against the wall, that are covered with their own blood. The walls have blood on them as well. All the men had been 'rippered') OPENING CREDITS (Present day, New Orleans) A bar called "Rousseau's" – "Narcissistic and paranoid." Camille: So what brings you to the Big Easy? Elijah: I used to live here. Camille: Really, when? Elijah: Oh, it feels like a hundred years ago. Camille: I just moved here myself. What brought you back? Elijah: Well, my brother's here somewhere. I'm afraid he might have got himself into a bit of a bind. Camille: You say that like it's a common occurrence. Elijah: Well ... he's complicated. Defiant, ill-mannered, and a little temperamental. See, we don't share the same father. Of course that never bothered me, but my brother resents it deeply. Never felt like he belongs. All told, he has a long history of getting himself into trouble. Camille: And I'm guessing you have a long history of getting him out of it. (Elijah nods smiling.) Camille: What kind of bind is your brother in? Elijah: He believes there are people in this town that are conspiring against him. Camille: Wow. Narcissistic and paranoid. (She shakes her head. Elijah observes her interest.) Sorry. Bartender with a grad degree in psychology. Total cliché. (Elijah reads her nameplate.) Elijah: Listen, Camille, I'm looking for someone who might shed some light on his current predicament. She works here, Jane-Anne Deveraux. Any idea where I might find her? Camille: No. But I know someone who might. A busy street in the French Quarter – "A little late." (A street in New Orleans. It's dark, just some bright signs can be seen. A female tour guide talks to some tourists.) Sabine: Welcome to New Orleans, and the crown jewel of the Crescent city, the French Quarter. Jazz and jambalaya, romance, poetry, not to mention the things that go bump in the night. Monsters that feed off human blood, vengeful spirits of the dad, and my personal favorite, the witches. Here we have the voodoo shop, Jardin Gris. Go on, browse for a hex. (The tourists enter the shop while the tour guide stays outside, taking a few steps towards a person who is standing near the shop.) Sabine: Are you going to continue following me, Elijah, or do you wanna talk? Elijah: You know who I am. Sabine: Original vampire, always wears a suit. (Elijah smiles.) You and your family are famous amongst the witches, especially with your... brother back in town. Elijah: Well, Niklaus is here because he learned that a witch was conspiring against him. Someone by the name of Jane-Anne Deveraux. Sabine: Well, if he's looking for Jane Anne, he's a little late. Elijah: Are you telling me she's dad? Sabine: Come on, her sister Sophie's gonna want to talk to you. A quiet street in the French Quarter – "Not my problem." (There is a crowd of witches. They stand, kneel and crouch sadly around the body of their fallen friend, Jane-Anne. The body lies on the ground, obviously dad, with blood on its neck. There are some flowers and candles around the corpse. Sophie Deveraux sits near her sister, weeping silently. All of the witches look depressed.) (Elijah and Sabine, the witch tour guide, appear. Elijah is truly shocked. They stop a few hundred meters away from the mourning witches.) Elijah: That's Jane-Anne? klled in public for anyone to find... Sabine: Only people that come around here are the witches. Now her sister has come to take her body. Her spirit can't rest until it's been properly interred in the cemetery. Elijah: Please tell me that my brother had nothing to do with this. Sabine: No. Jane-Anne died because she got caught doing magic. Elijah: What do you mean she got caught doing magic? (A loud whistle can be heard.) Sabine: You wanna know who klled Jane-Anne? You're about to get your first glimpse of Marcel in action. Elijah: The vampire Marcel? Sabine: Things have changed since your family left town. Marcel has changed. (Vampires approach the witches) Sabine: I'm asking you, stay hidden. If Marcel finds out that a witch lured the Originals back into town, my people will be slaughtered. (Elijah vamp speeds to a spot on a balcony, so he is hidden in the shadows.) Marcel: Well, well, well, what have we here? I gotta tell you Soph, this street corner is not proving the luckiest spot for your family tonight. Not half an hour ago, we had to teach your sister a little lesson. Sophie: We're putting her to rest Marcel. Leave us alone. Marcel: I never said you could move the body. Matter of fact, I left her here for a reason: send a message. If anybody is thinking of joining some kind of rebellion, my rules state that witches can't practice magic in the Quarter and yet a little birdy informed me that Jane-Anne was cooking up something magically delicious. Oh, yeah. While I have you, quick Q&A. My old friend – the hybrid, Klaus – he just happened to show up out of the blue asking for, of all people, Jane-Anne. Any idea why? Sophie: I don't know. Witches don't get involved in vampire business. Marcel: Hmm. That would be pretty stupid, that's for sure. Tell you what, go back to the restaurant, cook up some of that famous gumbo, and keep those tourists happy. (To the vampires) Take the body. Sophie: What? No! Stop! Stop! Marcel! Marcel: I'm gonna hold on to your sister's body in case maybe you remember why Klaus is here. Sophie: Marcel please. Her body won't be at peace. Marcel: Not my problem. (Marcel and the rest of the vampires walk away with Jane-Anne's body. Elijah is still standing on the balcony, watching them.) Elijah calls Rebekah on the phone – "Consider this me calling take-backs." (Rebekah is sitting in the bathtub, holding a glass of champagne in one hand and her cellphone in the other.) Rebekah: You mean to tell me, after all these years, Marcel is alive and well? Elijah: Quite. Our brother seems to have wandered into a wr zone. And I haven't been able to find him. Marcel, who Klaus sired and brought up beneath his own wing, now rules a menagerie of savage vampires running wild, klling in public for any human to come upon. Witches are held in subjugation. I doubt Niklaus had any idea what he was walking into. Rebekah: Sorry, what was that? I stopped paying attention at "our brother". Elijah: Rebekah. Rebekah: Our hateful, traitorous bastard of a brother, who's negated any sympathy I once had for him by his repeated efforts to ensure neither you nor I know happiness outside of his own selfish universe. Elijah: Always and forever, Rebekah, that is what we once swore to each other. Rebekah: Consider this me calling take-backs. Elijah: Well, you've called take-backs dozens of times over the centuries and yet when our father found us and chased us from this very city... Rebekah: I may be old, Elijah, but I'm hardly senile. I know very well I stuck with Klaus, and not three years later he stuck a silver dagger in my chest and sent me into a magical slumber for ninety years. Do you know why? Because I had the audacity to try and live my life on my own without him. Elijah: Enough. I believe our brother's in trouble, so what ever is going on between Marcel and the witches, it's dire enough that they'd risk bringing an Original back to town. The witches have lured him here, I'd like to know why. (Elijah hangs up the phone.) In an alley behind "Rousseau's" – "You heard of me?" (Elijah is standing in front of "Rousseau's". Sophie Deveraux leaves the restaurant through a backdoor. She goes to a little table with burning candles on it. A dog barks anywhere. Sophie starts crying and talking to her dad sister.) Sophie: Oh, you got me into this, Jane. Give me the strength to finish it. (The door snaps shut. Sophie turns around. Suddenly, two vampires jump into the alley.) Sophie: The doors work, you know. Vampire 1: You're doing magic? Sophie (raising her voice): I'm praying to my dad sister. Go ahead, pay your respects. Vampire 2: Don't make this a thing, Sophie. The hybrid was looking for Jane-Anne. Marcel wants to know why. Sophie: I'd say ask her yourself, but I guess you can't, seeing as Marcel klled her. (One of the vampires speeds up and grabs Sophie. But suddenly, he disappears. Sophie looks around, afraid; the second Vampire is confused. Something falls to the ground. It's the heart of the other vampire. The second vampire looks up and then turns around to attck Sophie, but before he reaches her, he is also grabbed by a dark shadow. The vampire gets thrown at the wall, a dagger stuck in his chest. Elijah stands near Sophie, looking at the dad vampire.) Elijah: I'm Elijah. You heard of me? Sophie: (nodding) Yes. Elijah: So, why don't you tell me what business your family has with my brother? At the cemetery – "What kind of connection?" (Sophie and Elijah are at the cemetery. Sophie opens the squeaking gate and enters the cemetery. Elijah stops in front of the entry. Sophie turns around.) Sophie: This is sacred ground, which means vampires have to be invited in. But, since I'm desperate... Come on in. (Elijah is able to enter the cemetery now.) Sophie: We can talk freely here. Elijah: Then I suggest you start talking. What did your sister want with Niklaus? Sophie: Isn't it obvious? We have a vampire problem, and we need help. Marcel has an army backing him. The witches have been trying to fight back. We haven't had much luck, until my sister Jane-Anne met a girl, a werewolf passing through the quarter from a small town in Virginia. She had a special connection to your brother. Elijah: What kind of connection? Sophie: Apparently, they spent some time together. One thing led to another and now this special werewolf girl – she's pregnant. And the father of the child she's carrying is your brother Klaus. Elijah: That's impossible. Sophie: Nothing is impossible, especially not when it comes to your brother. Think about it – they call him the hybrid, right? (She raises her voice and turns her head) Bring her out! (Three witches come out, standing in formation around Hayley, the pregnant werewolf girl. Elijah watches her with interest, while Hayley seems a bit confused and really irritated.) Hayley: Who the hell are you? Elijah: Give us a moment, please. Hayley and Elijah talking – "Perhaps if you knew my brother's story..."Edit (Elijah and Hayley are inside a burial vault, lit by numerous candles on the walls around them.) Elijah: So, have they been holding you here against your will? Hayley: They lured me out to the bayou and grabbed me. And they did all these... weird witchy tests. Not that I understand how this could happen. I mean, vampires are dad. They can't have children! Elijah: Perhaps if you knew my brother's story, it might explain how this is possible. Here, if I may. (Elijah tries to lay his hand on Hayley's temple, but she recoils.) Hayley: What are you doing? Elijah: Relax. If you open your mind to me, I can show you. (Hayley allows Elijah to touch her head. They close their eyes.) Elijah: In the beginning, our family was human... A thousand years ago, now. (FLASHBACK) Rebekah: Come, Henrik. Our brothers are fighting again. Elijah: Although our mother dabbled in the dark arts, we were actually just a family trying to survive in a time when it was quite difficult to do so. And, for better or worse, we were happy. (PRESENT DAY) Elijah: That is, however, until one night, our youngest brother was klled by our village's greatest thrat. (FLASHBACK) (Klaus comes home, carrying Henrik's body.) Klaus: Mother! (PRESENT DAY) Elijah: Men that could transform themselves into wolves during the full moon. Our family was devastated, none more than Niklaus. Desperate to protect the rest of us, our father forced our mother to call upon her black magic in order to make us stronger. (FLASHBACK) (Mikael, their father, holds the bleeding arm of a human in front of Rebekah.) Mikael: Drink! (Rebekah drinks the blood.) (PRESENT DAY) Elijah: Thus, the first vampires were born. But with this speed, this strength, this immortality, came a terrible hunger. No one felt this hunger more than Niklaus. (FLASHBACK) (Klaus attcks a human, feeds, and the person dies.) Elijah: (present-day voiceover) When he klled for the first time, we knew what he truly was. (Klaus turn into a wolf. He screams, his bones cracking. Mikael and Elijah come running.) Elijah: Niklaus! Klaus: What is happening to me? (Elijah wants to run to his brother, but he can't as he is held back by his father.) Mikael: Don't! Klaus: Father! It hurts! Mikael: He's a beast, an abomination. (PRESENT DAY) Elijah: He wasn't just a vampire. Hayley: He was also a werewolf. That's how the werewolf curse works. It isn't activated until you take a life. Elijah: Niklaus was the result of an indiscretion our mother had hidden from us all. An affair, with a werewolf like yourself. (FLASHBACK) (Esther, their mother, stands in front of a fre, casting a spell.) Elijah: (present-day voiceover) Enfuriated by this betrayal, my father forced our mother to cast a spell that would suppress Klaus's werewolf side, denying him any connection with his true self. (Mikael binds Klaus to a wooden cross.) Mikael: Elijah! Elijah, hold him down! Klaus: Brother, please! Don't let them do this to me! Mikael: Do it now, boy! Now! Klaus: Help me! (PRESENT DAY) Hayley: Your dad was a dick. (Elijah chuckles.) Hayley: I'm Hayley, by the way. You should probably know my name if you're gonna tell me your whole life story. I mean, I know yours. Your family is legendary. Your brother is a notorious psycho... who I slept with. Classic me. Elijah: I cannot excuse his behavior, but you must understand, when our father hunted him – hunted us – for centuries, every time we found a moment of happiness, we were forced to flee. Even here, in New Orleans, where we were happiest of all. Not long after Niklaus broke the spell which prevented him from becoming a hybrid, he defeated our father. I thought this would make him happy. (He shakes his head) He was angrier than ever. I wonder if perhaps this baby might be a way for my brother to find happiness. A way to save him from himself. (Sophie enters the vault.) Sophie: I'm glad you feel that way, because we need your help. Elijah: What, precisely, is it that you want and what does it have to do with this young woman? Sophie: We want to run Marcel and his vampires out of town. Klaus is the key. Everything Marcel knows about being a vampire, he learned from Klaus. Marcel trusts him, looks up to him, and he won't see the betrayal coming. Elijah: Yes, well, as I'm sure you're aware, my brother Niklaus doesn't like to be told what to do. Sophie: That's why I brought you here. Marcel drove the werewolves out of town decades ago. Do you really think he's going to welcome a hybrid baby to the neighborhood? Convince Klaus to help us, and no one has to know about the newest member of the Original family. Elijah: That sounds remarkably like blackmail. Sophie: Like I said, I'm desperate. Elijah: Well, then, I have my work cut out for me, don't I? Elijah and Klaus – "What an entirely unwelcome surprise." (Klaus stands on a balcony. Elijah appears.) Klaus: Evening, Elijah. Elijah: Niklaus. Klaus: What an entirely unwelcome surprise. Elijah: And what an entirely unsurprising welcome. Come with me. Klaus: I'm not going anywhere until I find out who is conspiring against me. Elijah: I believe I just found that out for you. Klaus learns about the baby – "How dare you command me!?" (Klaus and Elijah are back at the cemetery. Some witches and Hayley are present.) Klaus: No. It's impossible. Elijah: I said the same thing myself. Klaus: This is a lie. You are all lying. Vampires cannot procreate. Sophie: But werewolves can. Magic made you a vampire, but you were born a werewolf. You're the Original hybrid, the first of your kind. And this pregnancy is one of nature's loopholes. Klaus: (screaming, to Hayley) You've been with someone else, admit it! Hayley: Hey, I've spent days held cptive in a freaking alligator bayou because they think that I'm carrying some magical miracle baby. Don't you think I would've fessed up if it wasn't yours? Sophie: My sister gave her life to perform the spell she needed to confirm this pregnancy. Because of Jane-Anne's sacrifice, the lives of this girl and her baby are now controlled by us. We can keep them save. Or we can kll them. If you don't help us take down Marcel, so help me, Hayley won't live long enough to see her first maternity dress. Hayley: Wait, what? Elijah: Enough of this. If you want Marcel dad, he's dad. I'll do it myself. Sophie: No. We can't, not yet. We have a clear plan that we need to follow, and there are rules. (Elijah looks at Klaus, awaiting his reaction.) Klaus: How dare you command me, thrat me, with what you wrongfully perceive to be my weaknesses. I won't hear any more lies. Elijah: Niklaus! Listen. (Klaus can hear the heartbeat of the baby. He looks at Hayley, then at his brother and the witches.) Klaus: kll her and the baby. What do I care? (He leaves.) Hayley: Screw this. I'm out of here! Elijah: No one touches the girl. I'll fix this. (Sophie nods.) Elijah tries to convince Klaus – "It's a trick, Elijah." (Klaus is running through a street. Elijah catches up with him.) Elijah: Niklaus. Klaus: It's a trick, Elijah. Elijah: No, brother. It's gift. It's your chance – it's our chance. Klaus: To what? Elijah: To start over. Take back everything we lost, everything that was taken from us. Niklaus, our own parents came to despise us. Our family was ruined – we were ruined. And since then, all that you have ever wanted – all that we have ever wanted was a family. Klaus: I will not be manipulated. (Klaus turns away but Elijah vamp-speeds over to block his way.) Elijah: So they're manipulating you. So what? With them, this girl and her child – your child – live. Klaus: I'm gonna kll every last one of them. (He shoves Elijah and turns away, but once again Elijah vampire-speeds over and blocks him.) Elijah: And then what? Then you return to Mystic Falls to resume your life as the hated one, as the evil hybrid? Is it so important to you that people quake with fear at the sound of your name? Klaus: People quake with fear because I have the power to make them afraid. What will this child offer me? Will it guarantee me power? Elijah: Family is power, Niklaus. Love, loyalty – that's power. This is what we swore to one another a thousand years ago, before life tore away what little humanity you had left, before ego, before anger, before paranoia created in this person before me someone I can barely even recognize as my own brother. This is us, the Original family, and we remain together, always and forever. I am asking you to stay here. I will help you and I will stand by you. I will be your brother. We will build a home here together. So save this girl. Save your child. (Elijah has placed a hand on Klaus' shoulder. Klaus brings his own hand to Elijah's neck in a brotherly gesture.) Klaus: (whispering) No. (Klaus walks away.) Back in the Mausoleum – "You would dare thrat an Original?" (The witches are in the mausoleum, talking.) Sophie: Marcel and his vampires are out of control. Something had to be done. Agnes: And the solution is to bring in more vampires? Sophie: These aren't just any vampires, Agnes. They're the Originals. Agnes: What makes you think you can control the hybrid? (Elijah appears, leaning on the wall.) Elijah: She can't. I'm not entirely certain that I can, either. But now that your coven has drawn his ire, I have a question: What prevents my brother from mrder you instead of cooperating? (Sophie takes a needle and shows it to the Original. She sticks the needle into her hand.) Hayley: Ow! (Elijah looks at her. There is a drop of blood on her hand, exactly at the same point where Sophie hurt herself.) Hayley: What the hell!? Sophie: The spell my sister performed, the one that got her klled? It didn't just confirm the pregnancy. It linked me to Hayley. So anything that happens to me, happens to her, which means her life is in my hands. Klaus may not care about his own child, but it's very clear what it already means to you. If I have to hurt Hayley – or worse – to ensure that I have your attention, I will. (Elijah is slightly amused by her audacity.) Elijah: You would dare thrat an Original? Sophie: I have nothing to lose. (The grin disappears from Elijah's face.) Sophie: You have until midnight to get Klaus to change his mind. Hybrid against vampire – "What's mine is yours. But it is mine!" (Loud music plays. A courtyard party takes place. Vampires – including Marcel – are dancing and drinking. Klaus appears. Elijah stands above on a balcony, observing the scene.) Marcel: Hey, man, where'd you run off to? Klaus: You mean your minions aren't still documenting my every move? Marcel: Someone put you in a mood. What can I do? Klaus: What you can do is you can tell me what this thing is you have with the witches. Marcel: We're back to that. Klaus: Yeah, we're back to that. Marcel: You know I owe you everything I got, but I'm afraid I have to draw the line on this one. This is my business. I control the witches in my town. Let's just leave it at that. Klaus: Your town? Marcel: Damn straight. Klaus: That's funny, because when I left 100 years ago, you were just a pathetic little scrapper still trembling from the lashes of the whips of those who would keep you down, and now look at you – master of your domain, prince of the city. (The music stops and the crowd watches them.) I'd like to know how. Marcel: Why? Jealous? Hey, man, I get it. Three hundred years ago, you helped build a backwater penal colony into something. You started it, but then you left. Actually, you ran from it. I saw it through. Look around. Vampires rule this city now. we don't have to live in the shadows like rats.the locals know their place they look the other way. I got rid of the werewolves. I even found a way to shut down the witches. The blood never stops flowing and the party never ends. You wanna pass on through? You wanna stay a while? Great. What's mine is yours, but it is mine. My home, my family, my rules. Klaus: And if someone breaks those rules? Marcel: They die. Mercy is for the weak. You taught me that, too. And I'm not the prince of the Quarter, friend. I'm the king! Show me some respect. (Klaus takes this all in for a few moments, then he vamp-speeds towards one of Marcel's men, bites him viciously in the neck, then drops him. Klaus speaks with blood dripping from his lips.) Klaus: Your friend will be dad by the weekend, which means I've broken one of your rules. And yet I cannot be klled. I am immortal. Who has the power now, friend? (Klaus faces off with Marcel, who says nothing. After a moment Klaus smiles around at the crowd then turns and leaves.) Elijah calls Rebekah – "He wanted it."Edit (Elijah talks to Rebekah on the phone.) Elijah: He's willing to give up everything. Rebekah: Come on, Elijah, does that really surprise you? Elijah: I already see it. He's spiralling. He's lashing out in blind rage. You know, the last time I saw him like this it lasted 200 years. Rebekah: Then leave him to his temper tantrum and come home. With any luck this misadventure will allow us a reprieve from all of his insanity. Elijah: He was so close. When he heard the baby's heartbeat, I could see it in his eyes. He... he wanted... he could almost taste happiness. And now his temper has destroyed it. Even if I was to return him to sanity, he just lost Marcel's trust. So, I'm almost out of time to get the girl. Rebekah: Get her? Have you lost her mind? Are we running an orphanage now? Elijah: Say what you will about Niklaus, but on my life I'm not letting anything happen to that baby. Elijah speaks to Marcel – "That's my business now, isn't it?" (Marcel talks on his cell phone.) Marcel: You find him, and then you call me. Don't worry. I know how to deal with Klaus. (Elijah appears.) Elijah: Is that so? Please elaborate. Marcel: Elijah Mikaelson. (Marcel's entourage of vampire bodyguards, seated around the restaurant, rise as one in readiness to protect.) Marcel: No. I got it. It's all good. (Elijah takes a seat opposite Marcel.) Elijah: It's time we had a little chat. Marcel: Well if you're gonna talk, talk. I got things to do. Elijah: Oh my, you have grown quite confident over the last century, haven't you? Marcel: Me? I'd say it's you and your brother who got cocky, coming to my town like you own the place. Elijah: Well, we did own the place once. We were all quite happy here as I recall. But we could never control those pesky witches of the French Quarter. How do you do it? Marcel: Your brother asked me the same question. I gave him the same answer: It's my business. Everything in the Quarter is my business. Klaus comes into town all nice and friendly, then he starts looking down his nose at what I've down like it's some cheap knock-off of one of his dumb paintings, then he gets pissed of like a little bitch and bites one of my guys. Elijah: Well, I do apologize for Klaus' poor behavior. I assume you know that that bite will kll your friend within a matter of days. Of course, Niklaus' blood would cure him. Marcel: What? Elijah: Yes, apparently the blood of the hybrid will cure a werewolf bite. Quite a handy little thing when one needs leverage in negotiation. Marcel: What kind of negotiations are we talking about? Elijah: Return the body of the witch Jane-Anne. Allow her people to put her to rest. Marcel: What do you care about the witches? Elijah: Well, that's my business, now, isn't it? At the cemetery again - "Klaus will kll you all. And I will help him." (The witches are still in the mausoleum. The church clock starts tolling.) Agnes: His time is up. What're you gonna do now, Sophie? Sophie: I'm gonna do what I said was gonna do. Sabine: What, kll the girl? kll yourself? Agnes: Klaus does not care about the child. (Elijah appears.) Elijah: I do. (He comes into the mausoleum, carrrying the body of Jane-Anne.) Elijah: And I bring proof of my intent to help you: the body of your fallen friend, which I procured from Marcel himself. Sophie: Jane-Anne. Elijah: May she be granted peace. Klaus will agree to your terms. I just need a little more time. Agnes: You had your time. It's passed. Sabine: Shut up, Agnes. Elijah: For now, accept the deal. The girl and the child remain unharmed, or Klaus will kll you all. (He walks away, but then turns around again.) Elijah: And I will help him. Klaus and Elijah fighting – "I will not let go. I will never let go." (Klaus holds a bottle in his hand, drinking from it. He hears Elijah arrive, and speaks to him without turning.) Klaus: Have I not made clear my desire to be left alone? Elijah: Oh, you demand to be left alone at least once a decade. Your words have ceased to have impact. (Klaus throws the bottle against the floor, where it bursts.) Klaus: (shouting) Why must you keep harping on about the baby? That child will never be born. In fact, Hayley is probably dad already. (Elijah vampire-speeds up to Klaus, holding his hand around his brother's throat.) Elijah: (thrat) You will not walk away from this! Klaus: (angry) Let. Me. Go. Elijah: (angry too, shouting) I WILL NOT! (Elijah throws Klaus against the floor, then heaves him up again, not letting off of him.) Klaus: Don't make me say it again. Elijah: I will not let go. I will never let go. (Klaus grabs Elijah and hurls him against an iron rod fence. Elijah stands up fast and takes one of the iron rods. Then he walks towards Klaus, holding the rod in his hand.) Elijah: Even if I have to spend eternity saving you from your own stubborn, petulant, vile self... (Elijah vampire-speeds up and hits Klaus with the iron rod) Elijah: If I have to bat you as father used to bat you, to remind you of your own humanity – (Elijah hits Klaus again) – to care about anything... (He tries to ht Klaus again, but this time Klaus is faster. Klaus grabs the iron rod and now he is the one hitting his brother. Klaus hurls Elijah a few meters back, where he falls on the ground and stays down. Klaus breathes heavily. He lets the iron rod fall to the ground and walks a few steps towards Elijah, who is still lying on the ground.) Klaus: You're beyond pathetic, Elijah. Elijah: Well who is more pathetic? The one who sees hope to make his family whole, or the coward who only see the world through his own fear? Klaus: I haven't cared about anything for centuries. Why on earth do you? Elijah: Because I failed you. Because the first time our father laid a hand on you, I should have struck him dad. I made a promise to you: always, forever, family above all. (Klaus starts laughing. Then he reaches his hand to his brother. Elijah takes Klaus's hand and stands up.) Klaus: You are a sentimental fool. Elijah: Perhaps. But I've lasted this long in spite of it, haven't I? (Elijah walks away. Klaus is still standing there, thinking.) Klaus and Elijah talking – "I wanna be king." (Klaus is sitting on a bench. Elijah takes a seat beside his brother. Elijah's voice speaks in voiceover while the camera cuts to Rebekah reading in bed in Mystic Falls, when her phone begins vibrating. It's Elijah, but she ignores it. Cut to the witches with Sophie Deveraux, who performs final rites around Jane-Anne's body, now clad in white.) Elijah: (voiceover) The bond of family blesses us with an immeasurable power. But we also must accept what comes with it. It gives us a responsibility to love without condition, without apology. We can never waver from the power of that bond, even if it's tested. The bond nourishes us, gives us strength. Without that power, we are nothing. Klaus: This town was my home once, and in my absence, Marcel has gotten everything that I ever wanted. Power, loyalty, family. I made him in my image, and he has bettered me. I want what he has. I want it back. I wanna be king. (Cut to Marcel in a room with his vampires, while Thierry lay dying of the werewolf bite.) Elijah: (voiceover) So is that all this child means to you? A grab for power? (Cut back to Klaus and Elijah.) Klaus: What does it mean to you? Elijah: I think this child could offer you the one thing that you've never believed you had. Klaus: And what's that? Elijah: The unconditional love of family. (They are looking at each other.) Klaus: Tell Sophie Deveraux we have a deal. Elijah promises to protect Hayley – "And noble Elijah always keeps his word." (Hayley and Elijah are in a huge, white house. Hayley pulls a sheet off of a crib, coughing because of the dust.) Elijah: Are you alright? Hayley: Just dust. This place is ancient. Elijah: Yes, it should serve our purposes. It's a sanctuary from our business in the Quarter. Right now, you are the most important person in this family. You need a good home. So I'm curious... in all this time, has anyone asked you how you feel? Hayley: About having a miracle baby with a psychotic one-night-stand? Elijah: About being a mother. Hayley: I – I was abandoned when I was born and my adoptive parents kicked me out the second that I turned into a wolf. So... I don't really know how I feel about being a mother because I... I never really had a good one. Elijah: I will always protect you. You have my word on that. (Klaus appears.) Klaus: And noble Elijah always keeps his word. Elijah: Is it done? Klaus: As a matter of fact, yes. Your underhanded deal worked quite well. Marcel was only too happy to accept my blood even as he accepted my heartfelt apologies. His man, Thierry, yet lives and I remain a welcome guest in the French Quarter. My only concern now is this coven of impudent witches. Elijah: I believe them to be honorable. They did release Hayley to me. Although, they haven't been entirely forthcoming. Marcel obviously has something that they need. They don't want him dad. There must be a reason why. Davina – "All quiet out there?"Edit (A dark and dusty attic. A bed, some canvases. A girl is sitting behind a window. It's a witch. She turns on and off the flame of a candle just with hand movements. Marcel enteres the room.) Marcel: I assume it's all quiet out there? Davina: The witches know better than to use magic. They know I can sense it when they do. What about the old ones? They're dangerous, and I don't want them to hurt you. Marcel: The Originals? Davina, as powerful as you are, they don't stand a chance. (Elijah and Klaus are talking in their house.) Elijah: In addition to the secret wapon he uses to control the witches, Marcel has assembled a small army of vampires. Working together, we can destroy them from the inside. Klaus: And what of Rebekah? Has she stopped her pouting long enough to join the fun? Elijah: She has made her disinterest quite clear. Klaus: One too many times daggered and shoved in a box, I gather? Or perhaps she doesn't share your unwavering belief that I can be saved. Elijah: Rebekah may surprise us yet. After all, we all swore the same vow. Klaus: I hope she stays far away. Because in my desire to reclaim this town, to steal from Marcel that which he holds most dear, I have realized one massive vulnerability. One weakness that Marcel could exploit. Elijah: And what is that? Klaus: You. (Klaus daggers Elijah with the silver dagger. Elijah groans.) Klaus: Forgive me, my brother. There is no power in love. Mercy makes you weak. Family makes you weak. If I am going to win this w*r, I have to do it alone. -Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x01 - Always and Forever"}	foreverdreaming
[Directors Cut of the Pilot] [Salvatore’s House] (Elena is lying in the cell and starting to desiccate. Damon and Stefan are upstairs) Damon: That's the calmest desiccating vampire I've ever seen. I remember when you starved me down there for 3 days. I would've wept at your feet for an orange peel Stefan: Look, she's not gonna beg for blood. Begging means desperation. Emotion. She's still in no-humanity zone Damon: How hungry does she have to be before we can trture some feelings back into her? Stefan: A lot hungrier than she is now, apparently Damon: So, what are we supposed to do in the meantime? (Katherine enters) Katherine: Maybe I can provide a little excitement Stefan: Katherine Katherine: The one and only. Sort of. So, when's the welcome home party? Damon: Wow. Look who went and got bold. Last time I checked, Klaus was plotting your eternal demise Katherine: Well, it doesn't matter anymore, because Klaus is gone Stefan: Wait. What do you mean he's gone? Katherine: Let's just say that werewolf girl Hayley turned out to be just the thing we needed to get Klaus out of our lives for good [New Orleans] (Haley is at a bar. She looks at the bartender) Bartender: Third time in here this week Haley: I'm obsessed with The Gumbo, Jane-Anne Jane-Anne: The old ladies in the ninth ward say my sister Sophie bleeds a piece of her soul into every dish Haley: I asked around the quarter about my family Jane-Anne: And? Haley: Nothing. Zero. Can't find a single person who remembers them Jane-Anne: Because, Hayley, people like you were run out of here years ago Haley: What do you mean, people like me? Jane-Anne: In the Bayou, they call the werewolves Roux-Ga-Roux. You head out there; you'll find what you're looking for. Be careful. It's the last place you'd ever want to go (Jane-Anne and Sophie are in a cemetery) Sophie: Don't do it. Please. What if I’m wrong about her? Jane-Anne: That's the beauty of you. You're never wrong. She's the only way we're gonna get to Klaus Sophie: Can we get someone else to do the spell? Jane-Anne: Who? Half the witches don't believe you. The other half are too scared Sophie: Because they know we're gonna get caught, Jane-Anne Jane-Anne: We don't have any other option. Now go. You know what you need to do (Haley arrives at the bayou and has a problem with her car) Haley: What the... uhh! Are you kidding me? (She gets out of the car and takes her phone) Haley: Hey, I'm looking for a tow service (A tour guide is leading a bunch of tourists) Tour Guide: Welcome to the dark side of New Orleans, a supernatural playground where the living are easily lost and the dad stick around and play (Klaus smiles) Mystic Falls [Rebekah’s House] Rebekah: New Orleans? What the hell is Klaus doing there? Elijah: Evidently, there are witches conspiring against him. So, knowing our brother, this was a mission to silence and slaughter Rebekah: Well, the French quarter witches are not a lot to be trifled with. You don't suppose they've found a way to kll him once and for all, do you? Elijah: Rebekah, in the name of our family, you might try to dial down your glee Rebekah: What family? We are 3 distrustful acquaintances who happen to share a bloodline. I for one hope they've found a way to make that traitorous bastard rot [New Orleans] (Klaus sees a woman and goes to her) Klaus: Good afternoon. Time for one more? Woman: I have nothing to say to you Klaus: Oh, now, that's not very amiable, is it? You don't even know me Woman: I know what you are. Half-vampire, half-beast. You're the hybrid Klaus: I'm the original hybrid, actually, but that's a long story for another time Mystic Falls [Rebekah’s House] Rebekah: Where are you going? Elijah: To find out who's making a move against our brother, and then... I'll either stop them, or I'll help them. Depending on my mood (He leaves) [New Orleans] Klaus: I'm looking for someone. A witch. Perhaps you might be able to help me find her. Jane-Anne Deveraux Woman: Sorry. I don't know Klaus: Well, now, that's a fib, isn't it? Now, you see... I know that you're a true witch amongst this sea of poseurs. So, enough with the fabrications. I've quite a temper Woman: Witches don't talk Outta School in the quarter. The vampire won't allow it. Those are the rules. I don't break Marcel's rules Klaus: Marcel's rules? Where do you suppose I might find Marcel? (Marcel is singing in a bar. When he stops, he goes to the bar and sees Klaus) Marcel: Klaus Klaus: Marcel Marcel: Must be 100 years since that nasty business with your papa Klaus: Has it been that long? Marcel: Way I recall it, he ran you out of town. Left a trail of dad vampires in his wake Klaus: And yet how fortunate you managed to survive. My father, I'm afraid, I recently incinerated to dust Marcel: Well, if I'd known you were coming back in town, if I had a heads-up... Klaus: What, Marcel? What would you have done? Marcel: I'd have thrown you a damn parade. Niklaus Mikaelson. My mentor, my savior, my sire. Let's get you a drink. It is good to see you Klaus: It's good to be home. Although please tell me the current state of bourbon street is not your doing Marcel: Ha ha ha ha! Something's gotta draw in the out-of-towners; otherwise, we'd all go hungry Klaus: I see your friends are daywalkers Marcel: Yeah, yeah, I shared the secret of your daylight ring with a few buddies. Just the inner circle, though. The family Klaus: Tell me. How did you find a witch willing to make daylight rings? Marcel: I got the witches here wrapped around my finger Klaus: Is that so? I'm looking for a witch by the name of Jane-Anne Deveraux. Has some business with me Marcel: Looking for Jane-Anne? Then you probably ought to come with me. Ha ha! Showtime! (Marcel and Klaus are outside. A crowd gathers) Marcel: How's the family? Klaus: Those who live hate me more than ever Marcel: Forget them. If your blood relations let you down, you make your own, huh? You taught me that. And what's mine is yours, as always. Even my nightwalkers, the riff-raff Klaus: They're hardly subtle, are they? Marcel: It's the quarter. Ain't no such thing as subtle, baby (Marcel’s mignons bring Jane-Anne) Marcel: Jane-Anne Deveraux. Give it up for Jane-Anne. Come on. Jane-Anne Deveraux, you have been accused of the practice of witchcraft beyond the bounds of the rules set forth and enforced by me. How do you plead? Oh. Was that convincing? I studied law back in the fifties. It's all I know. Seriously, J, tick tock. You know the drill. How do you plead? Jane-Anne: I didn't do anything Marcel: That's a lie. You know it, I know it, and you hate that I know it. It drives you witches crazy that I'm aware of your every move. That you can't do magic in this town without getting caught. So, why don't we just cut to the chase, huh? You tell me what magic you're brewing. Tell me. I'll grant you leniency. Hey, I am, after all, a merciful man Jane-Anne: Rot in hell, monster Marcel: I'll tell you what. I'll give you one more chance. Or not (He kills her. Klaus rejoins him) Klaus: What was that? Marcel: Hey. Come walk with me. Witches aren't allowed to do magic here. She broke the rules Klaus: I told you I wanted to talk to her Marcel: Hey, I'm sorry. I got caught up in the show. Those witches, they think that they still have power in this town. I have to show them that they don't. I never waste an opportunity for a show of force. Another lesson that I learned from you. And besides, anything that you could've gotten out of her, I can find out for you, and I will. I promise Klaus: Well, whatever it was, doesn't matter anymore, does it? Marcel: Good. Then let's eat, because all that spilled blood makes me hungry (He leaves. Klaus talks to one of Marcel’s minions) Klaus: Hey. Thierry, isn't it? Any more Deveraux witches where she came from? (Sophie is cooking. She turns herself. Klaus is here) Sophie: You're Klaus Klaus: I am. And you're upset. Sophie, isn't it? I assume this is because of what I just witnessed with your sister on the corner of Royal and St. Ann Sophie: Did you enjoy the show? Klaus: It was a little melodramatic for my tastes. What did your sister want with me? Why did Marcel kll her? Sophie: I see you brought friends Klaus: They're not with me Sophie: They're with Marcel. That's all that matters. I know you built this town, but this is his town now. He klled my sister because she broke the rules. So, I talk to you in front of them, I'm next (He rejoins the 2 men at the bar) Klaus: Are you two gentlemen following me? Man: Marcel said we're your guides Klaus: Oh, he did, did he? Well, then, let me be exceedingly clear about something. If either of you following me again, you'll do so without the benefit of a spine (The waitress rejoins them) Camille: Sorry for the wait. If you're here for the gumbo, I'm about to break your heart. We just ran out Klaus: Your oldest scotch for my two friends here, love. Marcel wants to know what I'm up to, he can ask me himself (Sophie is outside, alone. She hears a door close and the men who were inside are here) Sophie: The doors work, you know Man: You doing magic? Sophie: I'm praying to my dad sister. Go ahead. Pay your respects Man:. Don't make this a thing, Sophie. The hybrid was looking for Jane-Anne. Marcel wants to know why Sophie: Oh, that sounds like witch business. I'd say ask her yourself, but I guess you can't seeing as how Marcel klled her (They’re about to kll her but Elijah intervenes and kills them) Elijah: I’m Elijah. You've heard of me? Sophie: Yes Elijah: So, why don't you tell me what business your family has with my brother? (Klaus arrives at a party, looking for Marcel. He catches one of his men) Klaus: Where's Marcel? Man: Who the hell's asking? Klaus: I assume you're joking Man: I only answer to Marcel Klaus: Well, then, in that case, perhaps you'll answer to this. You're aware the bite of a werewolf can kll a vampire? Well, as you can see, I'm half-werewolf, so I'm gonna ask you one more time! Where is Marcel? (Marcel arrives) Marcel: H-hey. I'm right here. I'm right here. Easy, now. Diego's just looking out for me. Nobody harms my guys. Those are the rules Klaus: I don't care about your rules, Marcel. I don't need chaperones. Why are you having me followed? Marcel: Come here. I get it, huh? Show of force. You made your point. Let it go, friend. For me Klaus: Fine. Why don't you show me what you've done with the place while you explain exactly what it is you've been up to in my town? Marcel: Follow me (Marcel and Klaus are on a balcony) Marcel: Look at that skyline. That there, that's progress. More hotels, more tourists, more fresh blood. And the humans? I taught them to look the other way Klaus: And what of the witches? In my time, they were a force to be reckoned with, and now they live in fear. How do you know when they're using magic? Marcel: Maybe I got a secret wapon, an ace up my sleeve, something that gives me complete control over all the magic in this town Klaus: Hmm. Is that a fact? Marcel: Might be. Or maybe I'm just bluffing (He eats something) Klaus: You take vervain? Marcel: 'Burns like a bitch. But I figure I should limit the number of things I'm vulnerable to. Don't be mad about that chaperone thing. I told my guys to look out for you, that's all. That's what we do here... Look out for each other (They see Camille walking alone) Marcel: Mmmmm. New blood Klaus: The bartender, walking alone at night. She's either brave or dumb Marcel: Let's see. Brave, I let her live, Let's see. Brave, I let her live, dumb, she's dessert (He jumps above the balcony and lands behind Camille) Marcel: You know, it's not safe here alone Camille: You know, I have a black belt in karate (Klaus looks at them. Elijah’s here) Klaus: Evening, Elijah Elijah: Niklaus Klaus: What an entirely unwelcome surprise Elijah: And what an entirely unsurprising welcome. Come with me Klaus: I'm not going anywhere. Not until I find out who's conspiring against me Elijah: I believe I just found that out for you (Klaus and Elijah are in a cemetery) Klaus: What are we doing here? Elijah: Want to know what the witches have in store for you? Follow me (They enter a crypt. Sophie is waiting for them) Klaus: Sophie Deveraux. What is this? Elijah: He's all yours. Proceed Sophie: You know you're famous in this town? Witches tell bedtime stories about the powerful vampire Klaus. We know Marcel was nothing but an orphaned street rat until you made him what he is. And now he's out of control. He does what he wants. He kills who he wants. I'm gonna stop him... And you're gonna help me (Klaus looks at Elijah) Klaus: This is why you brought me here Elijah: Hear her out Klaus: I don't need to hear her out. I assure you, love, there is not a thing on this earth that will matter enough for me to waste even 30 more seconds of my time Klaus: Elijah, what madness is this? (Haley enters) Haley: Klaus… You need to listen to them Klaus: You're all out of your minds if you think some liquor-fueled one-night stand... No offense, sweetheart... Means a thing to me Sophie: Marcel may be able to keep us from practicing real magic in this town, but as keepers of the balance, we still know when nature has cooked up something new. For example, I have a special gift, of sensing when a girl is pregnant Klaus: What? Haley: I know. It's impossible Klaus: What are you saying? Elijah: Niklaus… The girl is carrying your child Klaus: No. It's impossible. Vampires cannot procreate Sophie: But werewolves can. Magic made you a vampire, but you were born a werewolf. You're the original hybrid, the first of your kind, and this pregnancy is one of nature's loopholes Klaus: You've been with someone else. Admit it! Haley: Hey. I spent days held cptive in a freakin' alligator bayou because they think that I'm carrying some magical miracle baby. Don't you think I would've fessed up if it wasn't yours? Sophie: My sister gave her life to perform the spell she needed to confirm this pregnancy. Because of Jane-Anne's sacrifice, the lives of this girl and her baby are now controlled by us. If you don't help us take down Marcel, so help me, Hayley won't live long enough to see her first maternity dress Haley: Wait, what? Elijah: Enough of this, if you want Marcel dad, he's dad. I'll do it myself Sophie: No. We can't. Not yet. We have a clear plan that we need to follow and there are rules Klaus: How dare you command me? thrat me with what you wrongfully perceive to be my weaknesses? I won't hear any more lies Elijah: Niklaus. Listen (They hear the baby’s heartbeat) Klaus: kll her and the baby. What do I care? (He leaves) (Elijah rejoins Klaus) Elijah: Niklaus Klaus: it's a trick, Elijah Elijah: No, brother. It's a gift. It's your chance. It's our chance Klaus: To what? Elijah: To start over. Take back everything we lost. Everything that was taken from us. Niklaus, our own parents came to despise us. Our family was ruined, we were ruined, and since then, all that you have ever wanted, all that we have ever wanted, was a family Klaus: I will not be manipulated Elijah: So, they're manipulating you. So what? With them, this girl and her child, your child... live Klaus: I'm gonna kll every last one of them Elijah: And then what? Then you return to Mystic Fall to resume your life as the hated one, as the evil hybrid? Is it so important to you that people quake with fear at the sound of your name? Klaus: People quake with fear because I have the power to make them afraid. What will this child offer me? Will it guarantee me power? Elijah: Family is power, Niklaus. Love, loyalty. It's power. This is what we swore to one another a thousand years ago, before life tore away what little humanity you had left, before ego, before anger, before paranoia created this person before me... Someone I can barely even recognize as my own brother. This is us. The Original family. We remain together, always and forever. I am asking you to stay here. I will help you and I will stand by you. I will be your brother. We will build a home here together. So, save this girl Save your child Klaus: No Mystic Falls [Rebekah’s House] (Rebekah is on the phone with Elijah) Elijah: He's doing what he does. Given a chance at happiness, Klaus runs in the opposite direction Rebekah: Then let him run. That child, if it's even his, is better off without him Elijah: He's not better off without that child, Rebekah, and neither are we Rebekah: Darling, kind Elijah. Our brother rarely brings us anything but pain. At what point in your immortal life will you stop searching for his redemption? Elijah: I'll stop searching for his redemption when I believe there is none left to be found (She hangs up. Katherine is here) Rebekah: I'd give you a play-by-play, but you have the air of someone who's been lurking and listening Katherine: He'll come around. You know Elijah. He won't stop until he's convinced Klaus to do the right thing Rebekah: I know you consider yourself an expert in brotherly dynamics, but you don't know my brothers half as well as you think you do Katherine: You're wrong. Klaus won't be able to walk away from this. He and I are the same. We manipulate, we thirst for power, we control, we punish, but our actions are driven by one singular place deep inside Rebekah: And what's that? Katherine: We're alone. And we hate it. Tell Elijah to call me when he comes home. I’ll be waiting for him (She leaves) [New Orleans] (Klaus goes back to the party and rejoins Marcel) Marcel: Hey, man. Where'd you run off to? Klaus: You mean your minions aren't still documenting my every move? Marcel: Someone put you in a mood. What can I do? Klaus: What you can do is you can tell me what this thing is you have with the witches Marcel: We’re back to that? Klaus: Yeah, we’re back to that Marcel: You know I owe you everything I got, but I'm afraid I have to draw the line on this one. This is my business. I control the witches in my town. Let's just leave it at that Klaus: Your town? Marcel: Damn straight Klaus: That's funny. Because when I left 100 years ago, you were just a pathetic little scrapper still trembling from the lashes of the whips of those who would keep you down, and now look at you. Master of your domain. Prince of the city. I'd like to know how Marcel: Why? Jealous? Hey man, I get it. 300 years ago, you helped build a backwater penal colony into something. You started it, but then you left. Actually, you ran from it. I saw it through. Look around. Vampires rule this city now. We don't have to live in the shadows like rats. The locals know their place. They look the other way. I got rid of the werewolves. I even found a way to shut down the witches. The blood never stops flowing and the party never ends. You want to pass on through? You want to stay a while? Great. What's mine is yours, but it is mine. My home, my family, my rules Klaus: And if someone breaks those rules? Marcel: They die. Mercy is for the weak. You taught me that, too. And I'm not the Prince of the quarter, friend. I'm the King! Show me some respect (Klaus loses his temper and bites one of his minions) Klaus: Your friend will be dad by the weekend. Which means I've broken one of your rules. And yet I cannot be k*lled. I am immortal. Who has the power now, friend? (He leaves) (Camille looks at a painting. Klaus rejoins her) Camille: The hundred dollar guy Klaus: The brave bartender. Camille. That's a French name Camille: It's a grandma's name. Call me Cami. Amazing, isn't he? Klaus: Do you paint? Camille: No, but I admire. Every artist has a story, you know Klaus: And what do you suppose his story is? Camille: He's... angry. Dark. Doesn't feel safe and doesn't know what to do about it. He wishes he could control his demons instead of having his demons control him. He’s lost, alone. Or... maybe he just drank too much tonight. Sorry. Overzealous psych major Klaus: No. I think you were probably right the first time Camille: So… (Klaus has disappeared) (Klaus is sitting alone on a bench. Elijah rejoins him and sits down next to him) Klaus: Are you here to give me another pep talk on the joys of fatherhood? Elijah: I've said all I needed to say Klaus: I forgot how much I liked this town Elijah: I didn't forget. All the centuries we've spent together and yet I can count on one hand the number of times that our family has been truly happy. I hated leaving here Klaus: As did I Elijah: What is on your mind, brother? Klaus: For a thousand years, I lived in fear. Any time I settled anywhere, our father would hunt me down and... chase me off. He made me feel powerless, and I hated it. This town was my home once, and in my absence, Marcel has gotten everything that I ever wanted. Power, loyalty, family. I made him in my image and he has bettered me. I want what he has. I want to be King Elijah: And what of Hayley and the baby? Klaus: Every King needs an heir (Elijah is walking in the cemetery with Sophie) Elijah: So, how do you propose this will work? Sophie: Your brother needs to cement his place in Marcel's world. His inner circle, the daywalkers... That's where we begin. They're his friends. His family. We'll be hitting him where it hurts (Thierry is sick. Everyone is gathered around him, including Marcel. Klaus enters) Klaus: I had time to sleep on it last night. I'm not your enemy. Where my family and I failed this town... Marcel succeeded. My blood will heal him. As though it never happened. The quarter is your home, but I would like to stay a while, if I'm still welcome (There’s a parade. Klaus looks at it and calls someone) Klaus: Caroline. I'm standing in one of my favorite places in the world, surrounded by food, music, art, culture, and all I can think about is how much I want to show it to you. Maybe one day you'll let me Mystic Falls [Rebekah’s House] (Rebekah is with Elijah) Rebekah: So, that's it? I'm just supposed to pack up my things and leave for good? Forget my life here and my pursuit of the cure? Elijah: The cure was a fool's errand. I mean, taking it would've stripped you of everything you are for what? More High School proms? Rebekah: I wanted to be human. I wanted children and a family Elijah: And I stand before you to offer you both Rebekah: And if I decide against you? A dagger in my heart and then back in a box? Elijah: I’ve made my case. Your family needs you. And what choice you make right now is your own Rebekah: I owe him nothing. I wish him no joy. No love. I will stay here and live my life the way I want to, and if you're smart, I suggest you do the same (She leaves. He turns himself. Katherine is here) Katherine: She's right. Be smart, Elijah. Klaus is stark raving mad, not to mention completely irredeemable. Leave him to set off on this new adventure and lets you and I go out on ours. I have lost so much of my life to Klaus. So have you. It's our turn. Elijah, please Elijah: Katerina… Good bye (He leaves) [Salvatore’s House] (Elena is still in the cell. Stefan and Damon enter) Damon: You look terrible Elena: I'm hungry. Not that you care Damon: But I do. That's the whole point. I do care. You don't care. It's about time for that to change (He gives her a blood bag and she drinks) Elena: Vervain Damon: How does that make you feel? Hurt because I'd betray you? Angry because I'd cause you pain? Or scared? Because you know it's gonna get a lot worse? Elena: You boys want to play games? Go ahead. Let's see who breaks first. Me… or you Ecrit par popo34000	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x01 - The Pilot - The Originals"}	foreverdreaming
House of the Rising Son - The Originals Klaus: My siblings and I are the first vampires in all of history, the original family. centuries ago, we helped build a town called New Orleans. Now a plot by witches has lured me back, hoping that I will defeat a tyrant, a vampire I created. My brother hopes I will find redemption through the power of family, a miracle child, part werewolf, part vampire, a hybrid. My sister is doubtful. She thinks I am beyond redemption. Despite my brother's best efforts, I have a plan of my own. I will take back my home and reclaim what was mine. I will be King. Marcel boasts to Klaus his methods for providing fresh blood for his vampires.) Marcel: (voiceover) The city of New Orleans... people of all stripes and flavors from all over the country come here to party on our streets. Some are just looking for fun... some are looking for something a little darker, more dangerous. So, we invite them into my home and we give it to them. (Diego, one of Marcel's vampires, shows a flyer to two tourists, a man and a woman. The flyer is headed by a large, monogrammed 'M', beneath which reads: ABATTOIR WHERE THE PARTY NEVER ENDS They enter the party and get their hands stamped with the same 'M' monogram as the flyer.) Marcel: (voiceover) Then, at the stroke of midnight, everything changes, and it's time to feed. (Marcel leads Klaus around a balcony overlooking the party. They watch as Marcel's vampires feed ravenously on the humans, who scream in terror.) Marcel: This is how I keep my guys happy: the occasional, all-you-can-eat buffet. My night-walkers love it. I've got 'em working hard, trying to earn one of these daylight rings. They deserve to blow off a little steam. My day-walkers, the trusted few – they just like the party. (Klaus notices a crest of some sort engraved on the stone wall below: it includes the 'M' monogram, as well as a coiled serpent. He does not comment on it.) Klaus: It's quite an operation. Tell me – what about the victims? Seems like a lot of graves to dig. Marcel: Can't kll 'em all. Too many folks go missing, tourism drops. So, we heal them with a little vamp blood, erase their memory, send them on their way – no muss, no fuss. Klaus: I'm impressed. Marcel: Nothing I didn't learn from you back in the day. (Thierry, one of Marcel's vampires, approaches the two.) Thierry: Marcel. Marcel: 'Sup, Thierry? Thierry: Six of our guys were klled in a bar outside of the Quarter. Night-walkers. No one saw who. (While Marcel receives this news, Klaus looks away. Cut to Rebekah driving her red convertible; she checks herself in the rearview mirror, wipes a drop of blood off her cheek, smiles and keeps driving.) (TITLE CARD AND OPENING CREDITS) MIKAELSON MANSION – "You have your brother's manners." – "And his temper, too." (Rebekah parks in front of the Mikaelson mansion, leaving a message on her phone as she gets out. Hayley, inside, hears something and walks warily down the stairs.) Rebekah: Elijah, if not answering your phone is part of your clever plan to get me back to this godforsaken city, then well done. I'm here, and I'm worried. Now pick up before I kick in your bloody door. (Rebekah walks up the front steps and opens the door. She walks in as Hayley comes down the stairs, wielding a fre iron.) Hayley: Who the hell are you? Rebekah: Oh, you must be the maid. My bags are in the car – get them, will you? (Hayley, smiling wryly, puts down the iron poker.) Hayley: Hello. Not the maid. Rebekah: Right. You're that werewolf girl my brother, Klaus, knocked up. I was expecting to see some kind of supernatural, miracle baby bump. Guess you're not showing yet. It's Hayley, isn't it? Hayley: You have your brother's manners. Rebekah: And his temper, too, so watch it. Where's Elijah? Hayley: Beats me. He's long gone. Rebekah: What do you mean, "long gone"? Hayley: Well, one minute he was here making epic promises about protecting me in this predicament that a bottle of scotch and some bad decisions got me into – he was all poetic about how we're family – and then Klaus told me he bailed. Guess that's what I get for trusting a vampire. Rebekah: Elijah is not just any vampire, and he doesn't break promises. Which means Niklaus has done something dastardly and Klaus-like. Klaus! Get out here and tell me what you've done with our brother, you narcissistic, back-sab wnkr! (Klaus opens a pair of doors and enters the room.) Klaus: Enough with all the shouting. Little sister, I should have known. I assume the six dad vampires were your doing? Rebekah: They were very rude. (The shts alternate between Rebekah calmly explaining what happened, and flashbacks to her at a bar, impaling vampires violently with a pool stick.) Rebekah: Trying to victimize a poor, innocent girl just trying to find her way to the Quarter. So sorry, were they friends of yours? Oh, that's right, you don't have any friends. Klaus: I do have friends. I have Marcel. You remember him, don't you? Yes, of course you do. He fancies himself the 'King of the Quarter' now, and he has these rules about klling vampires. It'll be fun to see what sort of punishment he comes up with for you. Rebekah: I don't care about Marcel or his rules. Elijah doesn't welch on deals. What did you do to him? Klaus: Perhaps he's on holiday... or taking a long autumn nap upstairs. Well, go on. Take a look around. You remember this house as well as I. (Rebekah, who had gotten up to leave the room, turns back to Klaus.) Rebekah: I remember everything. FLASHBACK – NEW ORLEANS, 1820 – "Are we interrupting?" – "Yes." – "No." (Rebekah walks through a doorway into a room filled with people dressed in their finery for some sort of party. They nod at Rebekah as she passes.) Rebekah: (voiceover) I remember how the drunken fool of a governor hid away all of our vampire sins in exchange for gold. I remember the lavish parties the governor threw, as if to impress you. (Rebekah watches Klaus as she leaves the room with two ladies. She then turns her attention to a young man, whom she kisses chastely.) Rebekah: I remember finding a moment of affection with the governor's son, Emil. And I remember that even Elijah was happy. (Upstairs, Elijah kisses a Creole woman while further down the hall Klaus finishes off the ladies he had left with earlier.) Celeste: Your brother. He's gone too far. Elijah: Niklaus, there is no hope for you, is there? (Rebekah joins them, Emil in tow.) Rebekah: Are we interrupting? Klaus: Yes. Elijah: No. Rebekah: Dearest Elijah. You've only ever wished happiness for me. Emil and I are in love. Please, let me turn him. (Klaus chuckles.) Elijah: Rebekah, the governor has graciously agreed to hide a lot of our... indiscretions. It would not do to turn his son into one of us. Rebekah: Please. For me. Klaus: It's not going to happen, Sister. If we turned every man you dropped your knickers for, then human beings would cease to exist and we'd have no bloody food. Emil: How dare you, sir! You would do well to treat – (Klaus grabs Emil by the neck and forcibly walks him down the hallway.) Elijah: Brother – Rebekah: Niklaus! Elijah: Niklaus, wait! Rebekah: NO! (Klaus ignores them and throws Emil off the balcony, whence he falls several storeys and apparently dies instantly. Elijah holds a sobbing Rebekah while Klaus walks off.) NEW ORLEANS – PRESENT DAY – "Oh, and welcome home, little sister." Klaus: Well, he wasn't good enough for you. Rebekah: No one was ever good enough for me, Nik, you made sure of that. Now where is Elijah? (Klaus' phone starts buzzing. He checks it, stands and moves to leave. Rebekah: Where are you going? Klaus: It appears the night is not quite over, yet. I'm off for another drink with Marcel. Rebekah: Elijah told me about your plan to take apart Marcel's empire piece by piece. I don't remember it involving you two drinking New Orleans dry together. Klaus: I know you don't have many friends, Rebekah, but what some friends do when they get together is they drink. And when they drink, they tell secrets. Marcel has somehow found a way to control the entirety of witches in the Quarter, and I aim to uncover the 'how' so I might take it for myself. Finding Elijah didn't make my to-do list today. (Klaus turns and walks to the door, but pauses before he leaves.) Klaus: Oh, and welcome home, little sister. (The door shuts behind him and Rebekah turns on the spot, contemplating what he's said. She sees Hayley sitting on a landing above.) Rebekah: You, wolf girl. I'm going to search this house inch by inch until I find what my evil brother has done to my good one. You're helping. (The girls walk down a spiral staircase.) Rebekah: The governor had lots of secret rooms. I'll show you his favorite. (They arrive in a dusty, cobwebbed cellar room. Hayley spies the coffins that Klaus keeps his siblings daggered in.) Hayley: You think Klaus klled him. Rebekah: We can't be klled, silly girl. That doesn't stop Klaus from finding ways to trture us. He has a set of mystical silver daggers. One in the heart sends us into a deep slumber. Klaus gets his jollies from keeping us in a box, until he decides to pull the dagger out. That must be what he's done to Elijah. This one's mine. Hayley: (incredulously) He keeps your coffin on standby. Rebekah: He likes to be prepared for when his family members inevitably disappoint him. Elijah's isn't here – he must've stashed him elsewhere. Hayley: I feel sick. Rebekah: Welcome to the family, love. You should've run the second you realized Elijah was gone. Hayley: Yeah, well, the witches have put some sort of hex on me. As long as I'm carrying this baby, I can't leave New Orleans. If I do, they kll me. Rebekah: Well, knowing Klaus, he's planning a box for you the second you give birth to whatever's cooking in your tum. I'm leaving as soon as I find Elijah. Being daggered in a box for decades sucks, trust me. You'd best find a way to break that hex and run. (Rebekah goes off to continue her search, leaving Hayley to consider what she's said.) THE FRENCH QUARTER – ROUSSEAU'S – "Trying to scare me?" (Sophie is scrubbing a table inside the restaurant when the door shuts suddenly and she hears the whoosh of a vampire running unseen. She walks cautiously, listening for further sounds.) Sophie: Hello? Seriously, Marcel? Trying to scare me? I had nothing to do with the attck on your guys last night! (Some hanging pots start moving behind Sophie, as though a wind has passed through them, and she turns around. She walks toward them slowly, then grabs a Knfe, which she lifts in time for Rebekah to appear and grab her raised, Knfe-wielding arm.) Rebekah: Sophie Deveraux. My brother, Elijah, told me about you. Know who I am? Sophie: Yeah, I know. Rebekah: Then you know we need to talk. THE CEMETERY – "I've been linked, so anything you do to me, you do to Hayley." (Rebekah and Sophie talk while walking among the burial vaults of the cemetery.) Rebekah: So, if I had to guess, knowing Klaus's history, Elijah has a dagger in his chest. It's a magical object, you're a witch. Do a locator spell, locate the dagger, locate Elijah. Sophie: I can't use magic. It's punishable by death – Marcel's rules. Rebekah: Marcel? What do you think I'm going to do to you if you don't give me what I want? Sophie: Not much. I've been linked, so anything you do to me, you do to Hayley. Rebekah: Who? (Sophie gives her a significant look.) Rebekah: Oh, right the mumzy. Well, luckily for you, Elijah seems to care about her, otherwise I'd break your neck right here. How did Marcel get so bloody powerful, anyway? He wasn't like this when I left a hundred years ago. Sophie: Marcel has a way to tell whenever there's magic done in the Quarter. The 'how' isn't relevant. Rebekah: I'll tell you what's not bloody relevant – a coven of witches who can't do magic. Here's an idea: move away. Sophie: We practice ancestral magic. This cemetery is filled with the remains of our witch ancestors. Without access to them, we're powerless. If we run, we're leaving our legacy behind – our home, our family. Rebekah: Well, family's overrated. Look at me. I'm back in a city that's given me nothing but heartache, looking for a brother who's hell-bent on protecting a baby I don't care about. Sophie: I find that hard to believe. You're here, aren't you? Rebekah: I'm here for Elijah. The instant I find him, I'm gone. He was the one who idiotically believed this baby would be Niklaus' redemption. And now he's missing, probably at the hands of Klaus himself. And you were foolish enough to believe that Elijah could convince Klaus to go against Marcel, when everyone knows that they have a history. Sophie: Klaus sired Marcel. I'm aware. Rebekah: You don't understand. Marcel is not just some guy that Klaus turned into a vampire. Klaus loved him like a son. FLASHBACK – NEW ORLEANS, 1820 – "Perhaps there is hope for our brother, after all." (A funeral procession, all dressed in black, follows behind a horse-drawn carriage.) Rebekah: (voiceover) I was there the day that they met. We were burying Emil, the governor's only son... or so we thought. (A man on a horse whips a young black boy, who screams in pain with each lash.) Rebekah: (voiceover) Turns out the governor had another son, from a mother that he owned. (Klaus steps out of the procession to turn and look at the boy. The boy, having fallen to his knees in pain, grabs an apple off the ground, turns and throws it at the man with the whip, a fierce look of hatred in his eyes. Infuriated, the man winds up for another lashing, but Klaus grabs something off the ground and hurls it with vampire strength at the man; it hits him in the forehead, and he falls off the horse, dad. Rebekah and Elijah watch as Klaus approaches the boy.) Klaus: What is your name? Young Marcel: Don't got one. Mama wouldn't name me till I turned ten, 'case the fever took me... then it took her. (Klaus crouches down before the boy, getting on his level.) Klaus: You're a survivor, and survivors need names. How about Marcellus? Young Marcel: Marcellus? Klaus: It comes from Mars, the god of wr, and it means 'little warrior'. (Klaus stands and holds out a hand to the boy, who hesitates, but then smiles, takes it and rises to his feet. Elijah and Rebekah have watched this entire exchange.) Elijah: Perhaps there is hope for our brother, after all. PRESENT DAY – THE CEMETERY – "Who knows what they'll do." Rebekah: Klaus saw himself in the boy. He remembered how our father used to bat him. He, too, was the bastard child of a man who saw him as nothing but a beast. And that is why your plan will fail. All you've done if bring back together two long-lost souls. Without Elijah between them, who knows what they'll do. (Rebekah walks off, while Sophie absorbs what Rebekah has said.) In a bar – "She must be special." (Marcel is sitting in a bar, drinking. Klaus enters.) Klaus: Well, this is a far cry from last night's party. (Klaus sees Cami sitting in the bar, writing.) Klaus: Ah, in pursuit of the bartender from "Rousseau's", I see. Marcel: She's a work in progress. Klaus: And yet here you are, pining over her when you should be eating her for lunch. Oh, she must be special. Marcel: Business first. The coroner called. He's got my number in case any dad tourists show up. Klaus: Let me guess – dad tourists with a stamp on the hand and vampire blood in their veins? Marcel: It happens. Someone takes a drunken tumble off a balcony, or into the Mississippi... And today I got two of them to deal with. (Klaus rises when he hears that Cami is gathering her things and leaving.) Klaus: Excuse me, love. What's that you're studying? Cami: Abnormal psychology. Klaus: Abnormal psychology, well. Perhaps you could help me diagnose my friend over here. He's been a little bit depressed, can't keep his mind off a girl. He tells me she's a queen, fit for a king. I think he should cut his losses and move on. What's your professional opinion? Cami: (to Marcel) Be a nice guy, and maybe the opportunity will present itself some day. Marcel: How about tonight, nine o'clock? I'll meet you right here? Cami: I'll take it under consideration. (She leaves.) Marcel: Mm, harsh. Klaus: I daresay I've lost my touch. Or you've lost yours. (They smile at each other, sipping their drinks.) Hayley buys wolfsbane – "Just a little one." (Hayley walks up to a shop front right when the shopkeeper appears to be leaving.) Hayley: Hey, hey! Katie: We're closed, sorry. Hayley: I just need one teeny, tiny little herb. Please? Katie: Which herb? Hayley: Crushed aconite flower. Katie: Wolfsbane? That's a poison. You're gonna kll a wolf? Hayley: Just a little one. Katie: Give me a minute. (Katie goes back into the shop. After a few seconds she comes back, holding a phial in her hand.) Katie: Cut it with jimson weed. A few drops in some hot tea – that should do it. (Hayley hands her some money.) Hayley: Here. (Katie refuses it.) Katie: It's an ugly town for wolves. You're doing the right thing. (Hayley walks away. Katie picks up her phone and calls someone.) Katie: Hey, wanna gain points? Tell Marcel there's a werewolf in the Quarter. A new nightwalker – "Dealer's choice." (Marcel and Klaus are in a garage.) Klaus: You take me to the nicest places. (Thierry and Diego open the doors of a car. Two people, Tina and Josh, are lying in the car.) Marcel: Welcome to the land of the newly dad. I won't waste your time. (to Thierry) I trust you filled them in? Thierry: To be honest, not much in the way of potential here. Marcel: Yeah, well, I just lost six night-walkers. I got holes to fill. I'll keep this quick. That itch you feel? That's the need to feed coming on strong, a hunger for human blood. Drink it – you're a vampire. Don't – you die. Again. This time for good. Right here in a body bag. (to Klaus) Hey, what do you think, cute dorky girl or gay best friend? Klaus: Dealer's choice. Marcel: Dealer's choice, okay. (Marcel shows them a coin.) Marcel: Whoever picks up this coin gets to live forever. The other one dies. (He lays down the coin between them.) Marcel: Go! (Josh looks to the Tina. She grabs the coin. Marcel laughs.) Marcel: Damn girl! I said, damn! Josh: How could you!? Tina: Get over it, Josh. It's not like I had a choice. You would've done the same thing, but you're such a little – (Marcel kills Tina by breaking her neck.) Marcel: Let her die in cold storage. Got a thing about people who betray their own friends. C'mon. Let's go for a ride. Thierry or Diego: Go! (Rebekah watches from a balcony above as Klaus loads Josh into he car, and Marcel talks on his cell phone. She recalls a memory of Marcel and Klaus.) Flashback – "I'm gonna marry you some day." (Rebekah practices fencing with a young Marcel.) Klaus: attck au Fer! Now counter-parry. A ht! Palpable ht. Marcel: I'm gonna marry you some day. Rebekah: I would never marry someone who couldn't best me in a duel. Another lesson? (The memory segues into a later memory; Marcel is a grown man now. They duel until Marcel backs Rebekah into a corner. They remove their fencing masks. Marcel is about to kiss Rebekah, when Klaus appears and they step back from each other.) New Orleans – Present day (Rebekah is standing on a balcony. Marcel finds her.) Marcel: Rebekah Mikaelson. Come to teach me another lesson? Last time I saw you, Royal Street was burning and you all were fleeing from the city from your daddy. Rebekah: I thought you were dad. Marcel: You never looked back to find out. Why are you here? Rebekah: Elijah. I think Klaus has done something to him. Marcel: Stop. Stop right there. If there is one thing I learned about you Mikaelsons, it's don't get in the middle of family feuding. Doesn't end well. FLASHBACK – 1830s Marcel: There is nothing going on between us. I swear it, on my life. Klaus: Your life means something to me. Give me the privilege of honesty or that will cease to be the case. Marcel: I like her. And I think it's mutual, but I haven't done anything about it. I wouldn't, not – Klaus: And you won't. I love my sister, but she lacks fortune when it comes to men. They come and go for her, but I am the constant. She's my family. Marcel: You said I was family. I have begged you to turn me into a vampire. Klaus: And I told you, I will turn you when you're ready. You go near Rebekah again, and you never will be. PRESENT DAY Rebekah: Even after all you've achieved, you're still scared of him. Marcel: I'm not scared of anyone. Rebekah: If I find out you know where Elijah is, you needn't fear Klaus – I'll kll you myself. Marcel: Nostalgia's a blast and all, but I can't help you. It was nice seeing you, though. Good luck finding what you're looking for. (Marcel jumps off the balcony.) A BAR IN THE QUARTER (Marcel walks into a bar, his eyes searching the place until he spots Klaus sitting at the bar. Klaus: I know that face – woman trouble. Marcel: You're a dick, you know that? Why didn't you tell me your sister's back in town? Klaus: Well, I thought it would be more amusing for you to find out for yourself. Marcel: Is there anything else that I need to know? Klaus: Only that she's grown considerably more insane in the last century. Marcel: Or maybe that it was her who klled my guys? Klaus: Doubtful. Unless that biker bar is frequented by small-town, high school quarterbacks, I can't imagine she'd be interested. (Marcel's phone rings and he answers it. Klaus listens with his vampire hearing.) Marcel: Yeah? Caller: Just got a tip – someone saw a werewolf in Bienville Park. Marcel: Get a couple night-walkers to run it down. Bring me back its head. (He hangs up.) Klaus: Well, I guess that solves the mystery of the mrder riffraff. At least my sister's in the clear. Marcel: About that. I don't have time for Mikaelson family drama. You're my guest – keep your sister in line. (Klaus responds, his voice rising as Marcel leaves.) Klaus: I'd have a greater chance of draining the Mississippi with a straw! BIENVILLE PARK (Hayley sits on a bench, dripping the poison into a cup.) Hayley: (to herself) Come on, Hayley. One upset stomach and all this stupid drama is ancient history. (She lifts the cup toward her face, closes her eyes, then opens them and lowers the cup again without drinking it. She sighs, then hears a branch snap nearby. She stands up, looking around, then turns to find a vampire right in front of her.) Vampire: Dumb move, coming into the Quarter. You're coming with me, wolf. Hayley: I have had it up to here with vampires telling me what to do. (She throws the cup's contents into his face, and he roars in pain. She spins around, only to be faced with two more vampires. Suddenly Rebekah shows up, snaps the neck of one vampire and rips the heart out of the back of the other.) Rebekah: (to the dad vampires) Now, that is no way to treat a pregnant lady. I do hate bad manners. (She throws the heart on the ground. Hayley gapes at her, still in shock.) MIKAELSON MANSION (Klaus throws a final body onto a small pile in the front courtyard while he berates Rebekah and Hayley for their behavior.) Klaus: This is why I told you never to leave the house. Werewolves are banned in the Quarter. I had a plan, and your little nighttime stroll put it all in peril! Leave him! (Rebekah had started walking toward the pile of bodies – one of them was still alive – but at Klaus' last command, she stops.) Klaus: You've done enough, don't you think? Leaving a trail of bodies like a road map to my door? Rebekah: If I hadn't overheard this lot bragging about werewolf heads, everyone here would be screwed. And don't give me that crap about having a plan. You've had all the time in the world to execute a plan, and no one's seen you do a damn thing! Elijah made a deal to protect your child, so that it could save you from your selfish, rotten self. But you obviously don't give a damn about the child or Elijah, because what have you done to honor it? Klaus: I have done everything. Let me spell it out for you, shall I? From the day I arrived, Marcel hasn't trusted me. From Day One, he's had his vampires ingest toxic vervain which, as you know, little sister, protects them from my mind control. (While Klaus explains what he's been doing, the scene cuts to a flashback of Klaus in a bar, where the humans Tina and Josh sit with their hands stamped with the monogrammed 'M'. Klaus snaps their necks.) Klaus: (voiceover) I needed a spy, someone on the inside with me who Marcel would never suspect. So, I created a Day Zero and got there first. Marcel had just lost six vampires, thanks to your little mrder spree, and he needed new recruits. So, I made the new one mine, before he'd had even a drop of vervain. (In another brief flashback, Klaus gets into the car with Josh, the new vampire, while Marcel talks outside on his phone. Klaus compels Josh.) Klaus: (to Josh) Now, let's have a little chat about what you can do for me. (present day, to Rebekah) But we all know the real way to a man is through his heart, so... FLASHBACK (In another brief flashback, Klaus talks to Cami at a bar.) Klaus: So, my mate, Marcel. Nice bloke, don't you think? Cami: No. He's charming, sexy, confident, incredibly hot. But let's be honest – he's a bad boy, right? Like you. And right now, I only need good in my life, not someone who's – Klaus: Tragically wounded and damaged by demons he can't escape. Cami: The – damaged ones. They're not good. At least, not for me. (She moves to leave, but Klaus rises and takes her hand.) Klaus: I understand, I do. However – (compelling her) – give him one chance, then I need you to tell me where he goes, and who he sees. PRESENT DAY (Klaus grabs the vampire that's still alive from the pile.) Klaus: And this one – I'm gonna drain him of vervain, compel him to believe his mates found religion and moved to Utah, so that he can explain to Marcel why he lost three more vampires tonight. (He drags the vampire into the house; Rebekah and Hayley follow him inside.) Klaus: Does anyone have any more questions? No? Good, because I have a question. Hayley, what were you doing in the bloody French Quarter in the first place? Answer me! Rebekah: Leave her be. Hayley: You wanna know what I was doing? I was buying poison, so I could put your little baby out of its misery. (Klaus runs at her with vampire speed and pins her to the door by the neck. She gasps for air.) Rebekah: Nik! NIK! (Rebekah runs at Klaus with vampire speed, pushes him off of Hayley and grabs him by the shoulders. Hayley coughs and splutters, massaging her throat.) Rebekah: Keep your hands off her! She is pregnant, for God's sake! All of this bluster about not wanting the child, and then the second she tells you she's ready to get rid of it? It's okay to care. It's okay to want something. That's all Elijah was trying to do, all he's ever wanted for you. All we've ever wanted. (Klaus, calmed down but reeling from being confronted with his feelings, sits down on the stairs. Rebekah sits beside him.) Klaus: I gave Elijah to Marcel. Rebekah: What? Klaus: Marcel was nervous. It's bad enough one Original returned to town, but two? His crew was getting antsy. He wanted Elijah gone, so... I gave him a peace offering. Rebekah: You bartered our brother? Klaus: I have a plan. Gain Marcel's trust, dismantle his empire, honor Elijah's wish that that baby be born. I am executing that plan the only way I know how. If you don't like it, there's the door. See if I care. (Klaus rises and leaves the room. Rebekah leans back, her work cut out for her.) (Later, Rebekah is sitting on the back porch of the house when Hayley comes out and joins her.) Hayley: I know you don't know me very well... but thanks. I appreciate what you did in there. Rebekah: Us girls have got to look out for each other. Hayley: What is it with you two? You say you hate him, but the way you deal with him, it's so clear. Even when you hate him, you still love him. Rebekah: I guess when you spend a thousand years with someone, deciding to quit them is like losing a part of yourself. But sometimes the hate is just... so powerful. Emil wasn't the only boyfriend of mine that Klaus klled. He did it again, and again, and every time I found someone to care about. He just kept doing it until, finally, I stopped falling in love. He said he was protecting me from my mistakes, that no one was ever good enough for his little sister. Until one day, someone was. FLASHBACK – 1830s (Marcel approaches Rebekah in the courtyard where they practice fencing.) Rebekah: How was the river? Marcel: It was cool... sweet. (Rebekah, slightly nervous, rises.) Rebekah: I should go inside – (Marcel blocks her way and moves her so her back is against the wall. Marcel kisses her passionately, and Rebekah seems to enjoy it, but after a moment she pushes him away.) Rebekah: My brother will kll you. Marcel: Then I'll die smiling. (He kisses her again, but suddenly Klaus pulls Marcel off her, shoves him against a wall and shouts at him, fencing sword in hand.) Klaus: Did I not warn you? Rebekah: Klaus, I beg of you! He is not like any other. You saw it in him from the very first day. You saved him, protected him... you raised him. You cannot kll him. (Rebekah lays a hand on Klaus' sword arm, which drops slowly. Marcel sighs in relief as the sword clatters on the ground.) Klaus: You are right. I cannot. (Suddenly, Klaus daggers Rebekah in the heart.) Klaus: But you, dear sister, need a lesson in what you can and cannot take from me. (Marcel watches, horrified, as Rebekah weakens in Klaus' arms.) PRESENT DAY Hayley: If you know Marcel has Elijah, why don't you just get him back yourself? Rebekah: Because, if I cross my brother, there's still a coffin downstairs with my name on it. (Hayley eyes Rebekah for a moment, then reaches down and retrieves something wrapped in cloth. She unfolds it and reveals the two silver daggers.) Rebekah: Oh, my god. Hayley: I found them under your coffin. So, if a couple of antique steak knives were the only things stopping you from getting Elijah back, then here you go. (Hayley offers the daggers to Rebekah, who takes them in slight awe. Finally, she smiles, and Hayley smiles back.) A BAR IN THE FRENCH QUARTER (Marcel brings a bottle of wine to a table and sits with Cami.) Marcel: I sent everyone home for the night. I am your humble host. Cami: Oh... okay. Extra points for flair. Marcel: And the night's just started. What made you decide to come? Cami: Everyone deserves a chance. (Suddenly the doors of the restaurant swing wide open and Rebekah bursts inside.) Rebekah: You lied to me. Where's my brother? Marcel: Hello to you, too. Cami, Rebekah – Rebekah, Cami. Rebekah: I see you still have a thing for blondes. Cami: Hey– (Rebekah grabs Marcel by the neck and vampire speeds him across the room, slamming him against the wall.) Rebekah: Tell me where Elijah is. Cami: What the hell is going on? Rebekah: Tell me where he is or I will kll you! (Marcel merely looks at Rebekah; there is a brief flash of the time they had passionately kissed, as though Marcel has sent the memory to her deliberately.) Marcel: No, you won't. (Slowly, Rebekah backs off, releasing him.) Rebekah: Perhaps you're right. (After a moment's silence, Rebekah vamp-speeds over to Cami and pins her by the throat against the wall.) Rebekah: But I will kll her. Marcel: Let her go. You won. I'll take you to see Elijah. (Rebekah waits another moment, then releases Cami, who gasps for air.) Cami: What the hell are you people? (Marcel gently takes her by the shoulders.) Marcel: Shh, it's okay. (compelling her) Go home, forget all this, and just know that I will make it up to you. I promise. (to Rebekah) You wanna see Elijah? Fine. Follow me. (Rebekah follows him out of the restaurant, leaving Cami alone.) DAVINA'S ATTIC ROOMEdit (Marcel opens the door to an attic and enters, Rebekah following behind him. She sees Elijah's coffin, and moves to enter the room but cannot – she is magically barred entry.) Rebekah: Invite me in. Marcel: Gotta ask the lady of the house. Davina, come on out, sweetheart. (Davina enters the room and stands at Marcel's side.) Marcel: Invite her in. Davina: Come in. (Rebekah enters, strides over to Elijah's coffin and opens it to find her brother inside. She grabs the dagger and starts to pull it out.) Davina: I wouldn't do that. (Rebekah, magically compelled, shoves the dagger back in.) Rebekah: Who the hell are you? Davina: Davina. (to Marcel) She's an old one, isn't she? Marcel: Yeah. Rebekah is an Original, which means she can't be klled. Davina: She doesn't seem very nice. Marcel: She can be... but she hasn't been very nice to me tonight. Davina: (to Rebekah) Then I'm afraid it's time for you to leave. (Without moving a muscle, Davina magically propels Rebekah across the room, slamming her against walls several times before sending her through a door, which shuts behind her.) FLASHBACK – NEW ORLEANS, 1887 (Rebekah awakens, her hair styled in the 1830s fashion, and sits up in bed. Klaus sits nearby, twirling the silver dagger with its point balanced on a table.) Klaus: Well, it's about time. I was bored waiting... but I did so want to see your face, and it is, indeed, priceless. Rebekah: You bastard. What day is it? Klaus: Sunday. Rebekah: I have been daggered for a whole week? Marcel – what have you done to him? Klaus: It's 1887, Rebekah. You've been daggered for 52 years. Rebekah: What? Klaus: And don't worry about Marcel. I presented him with a choice: he could choose to undagger you and live out the rest of his human days with you, or– Rebekah: No. Klaus: –I could turn him instead, as he's always wanted, in exchange for giving you up. Rebekah: No. He wouldn't do that to me. Klaus: Oh, but he did. (Marcel enters the room bearing a candle. He looks at Rebekah, expressionless, and Rebekah squints her eyes shut, devastated.) NEW ORLEANS, PRESENT DAY (In present day, Rebekah awakens on the same bed as she did in 1887, Marcel standing at the end of it.) Marcel: Welcome back, Rebekah. You were out for quite a while. Rebekah: Where am I? How'd I get here? Marcel: You upset Davina. I'm glad you two finally got to meet. Now you know what you're dealing with. Rebekah: Is this my old room? Marcel: Oh, it's mine now. Just like this town is mine, Davina's mine, and Elijah is mine until I feel like giving him back. What was once yours, what was once your brother's – it's now mine. (He turns and walks toward the door, turning back to Rebekah to say one last thing.) Marcel: And don't ever touch Cami again. MIKAELSON MANSION (It's morning; Klaus enters Hayley's room while she's still sleeping. He watches her for a moment, then reaches into her bag, withdrawing from it the vial of wolfsbane. He opens it and lifts it to his nose to smell, when Hayley speaks.) Hayley: I didn't use it. Klaus: You're awake. Hayley: I could barely sleep all night. This house is like a freaking swamp sauna. (She sits up in bed while Klaus stares out the window.) Klaus: What stopped you? You could have been free of all of this... of me. Hayley: Yeah, well... when I was fighting off those vampires, I – I realized I wasn't just protecting myself. Maybe it has to do with the fact that my birth parents gave me up, and my adopted parents kicked me out. All I know is push came to shove, and... I realized I wouldn't let anyone hurt it. Klaus: I'm beginning to think we're a lot alike, you and I. We're both castoffs who have learned to fight when we're backed into a corner. Hayley: Well, we're backed into a corner now. Klaus: Ah, that we are. It's time to fight... little wolf. (After gently placing a hand on Hayley's shoulder, Klaus backs away and moves to leave.) Hayley: This whole thing with Marcel – the deal you have with the witches, trying to take him down, take what's his – Rebekah told me that you two once loved each other like family. What happened? Klaus: I made Marcel everything that he is. I treated him like a son. And when my father chased me and my family from New Orleans a hundred years ago, we believed Marcel was klled – we each mourned him, in our own way. Yet, when I returned, I found not only had he survived, he had thrived. Instead of seeking us out, instead of sticking together as one, he made a choice to take everything my family had built and make it his own. Now, he is living in our home, he is sleeping in our beds. That 'M' he stamps everywhere... it's not for 'Marcel'. It's for 'Mikaelson'. I want it all back, and if I have to push him out to get it, then that's exactly what I'll do. I'll have someone see to the air conditioning. (Klaus leaves Hayley's room and hurries down the stairs, only to meet Rebekah as she enters the front door.) Rebekah: You were right. The girl, Cami – she's the key. Marcel likes her, and because of that I got to see the secret wapon of his that you've been going on about. Klaus: Well, don't stand on ceremony. What is it? Rebekah: It's not a 'what', it's a 'who'. A girl, Davina. She can't be more than sixteen, and I have never felt power like that. Klaus: A witch. Rebekah: She's not just any witch, she's something I've never seen before, something beyond powerful, and now because of you she has Elijah. Who knows what she could do to him. Klaus: Where is she? (Rebekah stops to think, then looks confounded.) Rebekah: That clever bitch. I don't know. Klaus: What's wrong? Rebekah: She wiped my memory of the location. Marcel possesses a wapon bigger and more powerful than an Original, and you handed our brother to him! How many times will Elijah forgive you? How long until his hope for your redemption finally dies? Klaus: I did what I had to do! Marcel took our home! Rebekah: And our home is worthless without family. I am finding Elijah – whatever it takes. Are you going to help me? Klaus: Whatever it takes. DAVINA'S ATTIC ROOM (Marcel enters the attic; Davina is drawing at an easel. She turns when Marcel draws near.) Marcel: I'm sorry about that unpleasantness. Davina: She doesn't scare me. None of them do. Marcel: I didn't think they would, honey. But, the thing is, it seems like they're here to stay. Davina: They don't belong here. Marcel: Might be kinda tough to convince them of that... which is why I need to ask you for a favor. I'm gonna need you to figure out how we kll an Original. (END CREDITS) -Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x02 - House of the Rising Son"}	foreverdreaming
(Hayley is sitting on the floor, holding a thick book in her hands, reading. Klaus and Rebekah are standing nearby.) Elijah: (voiceover) August 1359. I have noticed a difference in my siblings. Our bond strains beneath the pressure of our life as vampires. Each day removes them further from the humanity we once possessed. My sweet sister, Rebekah, has grown quite indifferent to brutality. (In a flashback Rebekah can be seen, klling the vampires who attcked Hayley in the previous episode.) Elijah: (voiceover) However, the true problem remains my brother, Niklaus. (In a flashback Klaus can be seen pouring petrol over the dad vampires and burning them.) Elijah: (voiceover) He continues to hide his loneliness with cruelty. Still, I cling to the hope that I, as their eldest brother, can lead them down the correct path, a path charged with the power of a family united. For if I fail, our family's legacy will end in darkness. Rebekah: I cannot believe you disposed of those vampires without me. You know how I love to set things on fre. Klaus: Was I supposed to leave them in the front yard to rot? Besides, they were my responsibility. They attcked the helpless pregnant girl who's carrying my child. Rebekah: Oh, I am so moved by your newfound sense of fatherly duties towards the werewolf carrying your hybrid bun in her oven. (Hayley enters the room) Hayley: The werewolf would like to know what the plan is. Klaus: Well, that depends what plan you mean, love: My plan for global domination, or Rebekah's plan to find love in a cruel, cruel world. (Rebekah takes a pencil from the desk beside her and throws it in Klaus' direction. Klaus catches it easily before it can impale his face.) Hayley: The plan to rescue Elijah. You know, the good brother. The one who is now in the possession of your mortal enemy after you sab him in the back. Klaus: In the front, if we're being specific. Hayley: You two said that you would get him back. So is there a plan, or what? Klaus: Okay. Well, firstly, Marcel is not my mortal enemy—he's my friend, albeit one who is unaware that I'm trying to sabotage his hold over the supernatural community of the French Quarter, but a friend nonetheless. And secondly, I daggered Elijah in order to gain Marcel's trust. If I had known he would place my brother in the hands of a particularly nasty teenaged witch, I certainly would have weighed my options a bit differently. And thirdly, sister, please. Rebekah: And thirdly, the plan, as you have demanded, is for Niklaus to simply ask Marcel for Elijah back. Hayley: That's... that's not the whole plan, is it? Rebekah: Please, Klaus may be a miserable excuse for a sibling, but there is none more diabolical. Klaus: And that's only the Plan A, love. There's always a Plan B. Hayley: And what's Plan B? Klaus: wr. (TITLE CARD AND OPENING CREDITS) THE ABATTOIRE (Marcel gets fitted for a suit, accompanied by Thierry.) Marcel: Damn, I do look good in a suit. (Thierry chuckles, then turns to the television, where photos of Tina McGreevy and Joshua Rosza, the tourists that Klaus turned, flash on the screen.) Thierry: My guy at the docks is gonna come forward as an eyewitness, saying he saw those two drunkenly fall into the Mississippi. They'll be dredging for weeks. No one will come looking around here. Marcel: That's good, considering one's dad in a dumpster behind the county morgue and the other one is a vampire now. Anything else? (The tailor suddenly pricks her finger on a pin.) Tailor: Ow! Marcel: Allow me, darling. (Marcel crouches down and takes her finger into his mouth, cleaning the blood off.) Thierry: One thing. I sent 4 nightwalkers to look into a werewolf sighting in the Quarter. I haven't heard from them since. Marcel: That makes 10 dad nightwalkers in the last week. You think the werewolves are back in town trying to start some trouble? Thierry: Look, I know you and Klaus are friends, but the fact is, since the Originals showed up— (Klaus arrives.) Klaus: Oh, come now, Thierry. You're not still upset about that little, toxic werewolf bite I gave you, are you? I thought we were at bygones. Thierry: (to Marcel) I see you've given him free rein of your compound now, too. Klaus: Yes. Well, seeing as my family and I lived here, built the place, in fact— Marcel: All right. Come on. You both know the drill. Thierry's my guy, inner circle. Klaus is my old-time friend and sire. He's also a guest here. Peace, all right? All right. (to Klaus) What you need, my brother? Klaus: I'm afraid my sister Rebekah is insisting I demand Elijah's return. She's quite worked up about it. Marcel: I'll say. Thierry: We're not gonna have 3 Originals walking around town, are we? Half our guys think the sister klled the nightwalkers. Klaus: Is that an accusation against an Original? Thierry: Eh. (Klaus goes storms at Thierry, who looks to be ready for a confrontation, but Marcel intercedes.) Marcel: What did I say about peace? (to Klaus) Come on. Walk with me. (Klaus smiles smugly at Thierry as Marcel steers him out of the room. They walk out along the balcony of the building.) Klaus: You inner circle man lacks a sense of humor. Marcel: He's a little overprotective, but loyal to a fault. I saved his life back in the forties, found him dying of a wr wound outside a VA hospital. He'd kll for me and die for me. Plus, that boy can play the trumpet like you would not believe. Maybe I'll see if he can play a little tonight at the party. You're coming, right? Klaus: How can I miss my chance to meet the city councilman as he accepts your gigantic charitable donation? Marcel: Oh, he's a schmuck, but he lets us do our thing in exchange for certain community services, like keeping our fangs out of the locals. Listen, about your brother... I would love to help you out, but Thierry is right. My guys are on edge. They see the Original family moving in, vampires dying, it makes them nervous. If I hand Elijah back now, it might give the wrong impression about who's really in charge here. You know what I mean? Klaus: You understand I had to ask. THE FRENCH QUARTER (Rebekah walks through the Quarter, talking on her cell phone. The shts alternate between Rebekah out in the Quarter and Klaus in the cellar of the Mikaelson mansion.) Rebekah: Niklaus, for the love of Mary Magdalene, how long does it take to ask a simple question? Klaus: Much longer than you'd think, considering the answer was, as expected, "no". Marcel's man, Thierry, is suspicious. He thinks you klled 10 nightwalkers. Rebekah: Well, that's a lie. I only klled 8. Should I make Thierry the ninth? Klaus: Marcel is playing friendly. We can't kll the favorite son, or he'll catch onto us. Rebekah: So, wr it is, then. Klaus: Indeed. Do you know what to do with the witch? Rebekah: I believe I do. Klaus: Good. You manage Sophie Deveraux. I'll take care of the next step. (Klaus hangs up. He turns to the vampire Joshua, who has been minding Klaus' vampire hostage.) Klaus: I ordered you to drain him of blood. What's taking so long? Joshua: Sorry. I'm not, like, medieval trture expert guy. (Klaus grabs a pitchfork and impales the vampire with it.) Joshua: What did he do to you, anyway? Klaus: It's not about what he did. It's about what he's going to do when we're done here, which is whatever I want him to, just like you. For example, drive this through his torso. (Klaus, having removed the pitchfork from the vampire, compels Joshua and hands the wapon to him. Joshua immediately obeys.) Joshua: That is crazy. I didn't want to do it, but I did it anyway. Klaus: It's called mind compulsion. Vampires can compel humans. Originals, like my siblings and I, can also compel vampires, and no one can compel Originals. You following? (Joshua nods.) Klaus: Good. That is how a brand-new nightwalker such as yourself is here doing my bidding with no one the wiser. Joshua: But I never had my guts drained out of me. Klaus: Yes. That, young Joshua, is because I got to you before you had even a drop of herbal vervain in your system. You see, it prevents compulsion. Marcel has had his whole crew taking it since I returned to town, and that is why our friend here needs to be bled dry of it, so I can compel him to follow my every command. And with my brother currently in captivity awaiting rescue, we can't afford to be gentle about it, can we? (Klaus takes back the pitchfork and runs it into the vampire, twisting it in.) THE FRENCH QUARTER – JARDIN GRIS (Rebekah waits outside the shop and turns to greet Sophie, who is approaching on the sidewalk.) Rebekah: Oh, so glad you could make it. Elijah only lies daggered and rotting whilst you dilly-dally. Sophie: You're lucky I came at all. What do you want? Rebekah: Hayley was attcked last night by Marcel's crew because somebody told him there was a werewolf in the Quarter. She only made one stop. Whoever saw her here ratted her out. Watch and learn. (Rebekah turns and walks into the shop. Sophie follows her in. Inside the shop, Katie emerges from a back room with a box, and sees Sophie.) Katie: Hey, Soph. Sophie: Hey, Katie. (Katie sees Rebekah touching an item hanging in the shop; she doesn't show sign of recognition towards Rebekah.) Katie: That's filled with marigold—great for attracting the opposite sex. It would look awesome on you. Rebekah: I very seriously doubt that. Do you have any others, one with, say—I don't know—wolfsbane, perhaps? Katie: Wolfsbane? Why would you want that? (Rebekah vamp-runs at Katie, and holds her up by the neck.) Rebekah: Please no not play dumb with me. (Rebekah slams her down on a table.) Sophie: Rebekah! Katie: I just sold a werewolf some herbs. That's all. Rebekah: Are you lying to me, Katie? I suggest you answer my question honestly. Katie: (choking) Sophie— Sophie: Just answer the question, Katie, please. Katie: Yes. I told someone, but you don't understand. I—I love him. (Rebekah throws Katie down onto the floor violently. She places the heel of her stiletto directly over Katie's throat thrat.) Rebekah: And tell me, who is this vampire Romeo of yours? Shall I count to 3? MIKAELSON MANSION — CELLAR (Klaus pulls the pitchfork out of the vampire and hands it to Joshua.) Klaus: Be quick about it. I have an army to build, and one compelled minion does not an army make. (Klaus answers his phone, which has been buzzing. The shts alternate between Klaus in the cellar and Rebekah in the Quarter.) Klaus: Well? Rebekah: You were right about the traitor. Luckily, she's just a kid and she doesn't know anything about us and what we're up to. Do you want to hear the part that's gonna please you the most? Klaus: Oh, do tell. Rebekah: She's in love with someone in Marcel's inner circle. Guess who it is? Klaus: Right-hand-man type, favors silly caps? Rebekah: Two points for you. Thierry is fraternizing with the enemy. Klaus: Well, that means he just unwittingly became the key to our entire plan. Rebekah: I told you you'd be pleased. Klaus: Oh, to be young and in love in a city where witches and vampires are at wr. How very tragic. MIKAELSON MANSION (Hayley eavesdrops from the hallway; Sophie, Rebekah, and Klaus are arguing behind a closed door.) Sophie: Are you out of your mind? No way. Rebekah: It's very simple. We need you to perform a teeny, tiny locator spell to help us find our brother. Sophie: Witches who practice magic in this town get caught, and they get klled. Klaus: Yes, about that. It seems you left out a crucial detail when we made our deal—Marcel's secret wapon, the way he knows when a witch is using magic. Rebekah: Girl about yay high, cute as a button, anger issues. (Sophie seems to be in shock.) Sophie: Davina? Where have you seen her? Rebekah: I don't know. The little brat erased my memory right after she threw me out a window with her bloody mind. Klaus: Let me cut to the chase. Davina has Elijah. You witches, I assume, want to get Davina away from Marcel. We don't know where she is. Ergo, we need magic. Sophie: Davina would sense it. Rebekah: Unless, of course, another witch—say, a traitor to the cause, Katie for example—was to perform much more powerful magic at the same time. That would create a smokescreen, concealing your very small spell from Davina. Sophie: Katie doesn't deserve to die. (Klaus angrily slams his hands on the table and stands up.) Klaus: Sophie Deveraux. You're in no position to be so principled. You can't win a wr without a few strategic losses, no matter how regrettable they may be. How many times have the vampires been one step ahead, known something they shouldn't? Your sister, excuted in the public square for practicing magic, who knew she'd be caught? Did she even attempt to flee? Sophie: She was caught hiding in a cargo hold of a freighter before it set sail down the Mississippi. Klaus: And who, pray tell, of Marcel's valued inner circle manages his business at the docks? Sophie: Katie's boyfriend, Thierry. THE ABATTOIREdit (Thierry plays his trumpet in the courtyard; Klaus and Marcel watch.) Klaus: You're right. He's good. Marcel: Right? Music man, I call him. Ladies love him, but he's spoken for. He knocks around with this pretty little witch, says he loves her, but I don't know. Klaus: Your brightest soldier is fraternizing with your enemy, and you don't care. Marcel: Well, of course I care, but Thierry is a grown man. He makes his own choices, and I get some good intel. Besides, he's not gonna do anything to jeopardize what we're doing here. I mean, check this out—a vampire hosting a ritzy charity event. We have a community here. No one's gonna mess that up. Klaus: Still... You don't want the witches to get too bold, given that a witch's tip about a werewolf in town led to the disappearance of your nightwalkers. I'm sure you've considered the possibility that it could've been a trap. Marcel: Well, maybe I'll send a little message. Thierry! Take a team of nightwalkers to the Cauldron tonight, do a little rousting... Oh, and Thierry? Make it nasty. THE FRENCH QUARTER – ROUSSEAU'S (Rebekah talks to Cami at the bar.) Rebekah: And so then I moved back here to be closer to my brothers because—let's face it—family's important, right, Camille? Cami: Cami. I have to change this name tag. Drunk guys keep hitting on me in French. You sure you haven't been in here before? Your face looks so familiar. Rebekah: You must have seen me out and about. Aren't you dating Marcel Gerard? He's a pal of mine... sort of. I heard he had a crush on the blonde bartender at Rousseau's. Cami: I would hardly call it dating. He's wooing me... sort of. I don't know. I mean, he's very charming, which probably means I should run for the hills. Rebekah: I'm kind of in an on-again/off-again thing myself at the moment. Cami: Those are the worst, aren't they? The ones you can't shake, even though you know better, and you always know better? Rebekah: I like you, Cami. Most girls have the unfortunate tendency of being whiny little twits. Cami: Thanks... I think. Rebekah: Hey, I'm supposed to go to this posh charity thing thrown by this philanthropist tonight. He's a bit of a Gatsby, throws a mean party. Any interest? (Cami smiles noncommittally, shrugging.) MIKAELSON MANSION (Klaus sits at a desk perusing some papers when his phone starts buzzing. He answers it; the shts alternate between Klaus at the mansion and Rebekah at Rousseau's.) Klaus: Little sister. Rebekah: Well, brother, I believe I've made certain Marcel will be properly distracted tonight. Klaus: Dare I ask? Rebekah: Let's just say his attention will not be on us. I did my bit. What are you doing to ensure Elijah's safe return? Klaus: Currently, I'm preparing insurance against the tender-hearted. Rebekah: Meaning? Klaus: We need proper motivation for Katie to cast a powerful spell tonight. I'm creating that motivation. Marcel has ordered a rousting of the witches. (Cut to the Cauldron, where vampires jump from the balconies causing mayhem and witches scream in response.) Klaus: And I, in turn, have arranged for things to go tragically wrong. (Cut to a flashback from earlier that day—Klaus, in the cellar with Joshua and the vampire.) Klaus: You understand what you're to do? (The vampire nods.) Good. (Back at the Cauldron, vampires continue to upturn tables and destroy things while witches scream. Thierry sneaks off through a back door into Jardin Gris. Katie sees him and runs to greet him with a hug and kiss.) Katie: Hey! What's happening out there? Thierry: Oh, it's Klaus. He's convinced Marcel that the witches are planning to make a move against him. Marcel wants us to send a message... (Thierry knocks over some shelves, looking apologetic.) Thierry: And if he thought I was playing favorites because I'm in love with a witch— Katie: Say that again. Thierry: I love you, Katie. And all this is gonna be okay, I promise. Klaus: (voiceover) Marcel may not be concerned with Thierry's romantic entanglements... (Thierry walks out of the Jardin Gris, bumping into the vampire Klaus tortured and compelled.) Thierry: I already got that one. (Thierry walks away. The vampire goes into the shop anyway. Cut to Klaus at his desk.) Klaus: But there are other crimes which he'll be less inclined to so easily forgive... (Cut to the Cauldron. Thierry hears screams from inside the Jardin Gris. He turns to see the vampire dragging Katie outside, biting her neck as she screams.) Thierry: Leave her alone! Get off! (He throws the vampire across the courtyard; the vampire smashes onto a table. Thierry runs over to him, grabs a broken table leg, and uses it to stake the vampire, klling him. The courtyard goes silent, and the other vampires circle around the scene of the crime.) Klaus: (voiceover) klling a vampire, for example. That would be unforgivable. If Katie hopes to save her one true love from Marcel's punishment, well, a rescue mission like that will require something positively magical. But then... what's worth dying for, if not love? (At the Cauldron, Katie stares at Thierry, horrified, and Thierry himself looks like he knows the consequences will be dire.) THE ABATTOIR – MASQUERADE GALA (Rebekah and Klaus enter the party, arm in arm, taking in the dark, wild atmosphere. Acrobats perform, dancers handle exotic animals, and confetti falls glittering upon the party guests.) Klaus: Well, this certainly is a fitting backdrop for tonight's events, I must say. (Rebekah and Klaus spot Cami as she enters the party, wearing white angel's wings and a vintage white beaded dress. Rebekah looks pleased, but Klaus' smile falls.) Klaus: What's she doing here? Rebekah: What better way to distract Marcel than to put his very human, new girl in a room chock full of vampires? (Rebekah crosses the courtyard to greet Cami.) Rebekah: Hello, darling. You look precious. (Marcel notices Cami's arrival from a balcony above.) Cami: This party is ridiculous, but I think I [unintelligible] with this dress. (Cami makes eye contact with Klaus, and nods at him.) Cami: Is he the infamous on-again/off-again? Klaus: He's the brother, actually, and my sister is right. You do look stunning. Cami: You clean up pretty well yourself. Klaus: Well, don't be fooled, love. I'm the devil in disguise. Rebekah: You two chit-chat. I need booze. Klaus: Shall we? Cami: Okay. (Klaus offers his arm and Cami takes it. Rebekah approaches the bar.) Rebekah: Scotch, please. (Marcel approaches Rebekah at the bar, and she sighs.) Marcel: You trying to be cute, inviting her here? Rebekah: I think she's darling. I can tell you fancy her pure heart. Perhaps I'll feed it to you. Marcel: Hmm. Jealousy looks good on you, Bekah. (Across the courtyard, Cami and Klaus talk, watching Rebekah with Marcel.) Cami: The guy of hers Rebekah was talking about... I'm sensing that would be Marcel. Klaus: I wouldn't worry about it. Ancient history. Cami: I'm beginning to think your sister is a bit of a bitch. (Klaus laughs.) Klaus: It's as though she invented the term. (Cami gazes at Klaus; he seems drawn in for a moment but catches himself, spotting Marcel getting ready to approach them.) Klaus: Listen. Pardon me for a moment. (Klaus leaves; Marcel greets Cami.) Marcel: Cami. Cami: Hey. kller party. Marcel: Oh, it's more of a work thing. I would've invited you— Cami: Oh, no. We've been on one date. No explanation necessary. You do your thing, I'll entertain myself. Marcel: What, leave you alone, looking the way you do? Hell with that. MIKAELSON MANSION (Hayley walks around the pool outside. She hears a twig snap nearby, then walks toward the sound to see a wolf staring at her. A voice behind her startles her and she whirls around.) Sabine: You're not supposed to be out here. Hayley: Who are you? Sabine: Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm Sabine. We met. I'm one of Sophie's friends. Hayley: You're one of the witches. Sabine: Sophie just asked me to come keep you company while everyone's out. You know, it's drawn to you. (She nods at where the wolf was standing, and Hayley glances back.) Sabine: The child you're carrying is part vampire, part werewolf. You and Klaus made something special. Hayley: You sound like Elijah. He thinks this baby is going to make us one big, happy family, but now he's gone and I don't even know what... 'it' is. Sabine: You know, I can do something about that, if you want. I mean, found out if it's a boy or girl. Hayley: I thought you couldn't do witchy stuff around here. Sabine: It's not magic, just an old trick my grandmother taught me. Come on. You have to be a little curious. THE ABATTOIR – MASQUERADE GALA (Cami and Marcel dance. Rebekah and Klaus watch them.) Cami: I thought you said you were in community work. Marcel: Community fundraising. Throw a party, folks open their wallets. It's kind of my thing. Guess I'm what you call a necessary evil. Cami: And Rebekah, she's one of your donors? Marcel: She's an old friend. Cami: Can't be that old. She looks younger than me. Marcel: You'd be surprised. I was a kid when I met her. Enough about her. I just want to be right here with you. (Across the courtyard, Klaus and Rebekah have their own conversation.) Klaus: You really are a hideously evil little thing, aren't you? Rebekah: Nonsense. They're perfect for each other. You wanted Marcel distracted—voilà. (Diego enters the courtyard, and sees Marcel dancing with Cami, their faces nearing each other. Diego interrupts them and whispers in Marcel's ear.) Rebekah: (to Klaus) My cue to leave. (Marcel sees Thierry; he looks like he's barely containing his anger.) Marcel: (to Cami) Excuse me. (Marcel walks over to Thierry and grabs him by the throat, pushing him away from the main party. Cami watches, her eyebrows knitting together.) Marcel: What the hell did you do? (Diego intercedes.) Diego: Whoa, not here. No, not here. (Marcel backs off; Klaus smiles; Cami watches, disquiet paralyzing her features.) THE CEMETERY (Katie and Sophie talk inside a candlelit burial chamber. Katie is crying.) Katie: I know you think he's a monster. Sophie: It doesn't matter what I think. Thierry klled another vampire. He broke Marcel's biggest rule. You'll never see him again... unless we do something. Katie: "We"? Sophie: I want to save our people. You want to save Thierry? There's only one way we can do both. (A little while later, Katie and Sophie sit out in the cemetery, arranging items for a ritual.) Sophie: You ready? (Katie begins by sprinkling sand over their tableau. Cut to Davina's attic room, whispering voices growing louder. Davina thrashes, asleep in her bed but disturbed by the magic she can sense.) Davina: Marcel. Something's coming. (Davina rises from her bed and goes to her easel. She draws on the paper madly for several seconds, then stops.) Davina: Magic. THE ABATTOIR — MASQUERADE GALA (Marcel talks to Thierry on a balcony above the party.) Marcel: I want to hear your side of it. Thierry: Hey, Marcel, come on— Marcel: Your version. Go. Thierry: We were tossing the Cauldron. This guy, some nightwalker, he attcked Katie for no reason. Marcel: His name was Max. I turned him, and as far as reasons go, he doesn't need one. She was a witch. He was a vampire. Now he's dad. (From below, Cami watches them.) Thierry: I didn't mean for it to happen. Marcel: You broke my most important rule. Damn it, T. How long we been friends, 70 years? I turned you into something that would never die. I gave you a gift. Thierry: And I have been loyal to you all this time, and I still am. I'm still your friend, Marcel. I swear, that hasn't changed. (Cami's look of apprehension remains. Klaus joins her.) Klaus: Are you all right, love? Cami: He's got a temper, doesn't he? I guess this is the moment I remember I know better. (Cami walks away. Joshua walks up to Klaus, standing slightly behind him. Klaus reaches into his coat's inner pocket, withdraws a folded piece of paper and hands it to Joshua, who pockets it and walks away. Klaus watches the balcony as Joshua appears next to Marcel and hands him the paper.) Joshua: We found this at his girl's place. (Marcel looks at it; it appears to be a spell written out. Marcel turns back to Thierry.) Marcel: Still my friend, huh? That's funny because it looks to me like that little witch of yours got her hands on a spell that I keep locked away. Thierry: Marcel, I have never seen that. Marcel: Shut up. I see on your hand, you still have the daylight ring I gave you. So what would you need with the recipe for making new ones? Unless maybe you and Katie were gonna go off and start a little kingdom of your own? Thierry: Marcel, no. Marcel: Here's a lesson in friendship. Friends don't lie to me, they don't break my rules, and they do not steal what is mine. (Marcel turns to take a moment and breathe, then returns to Thierry.) Marcel: Ohh... For the crime of mrder one of his own, I sentence Thierry Vanchure to 100 years in the Garden. (Below, Klaus smiles.) Klaus: And it begins... (Sophie is at the cemetery, preparing her locator spell, when Rebekah appears. Sophie looks up when she hears her.) Rebekah: You're doing the right thing. It's the only way to find Elijah. Sophie: I'm doing what I have to do. (Sophie begins chanting.) (Klaus watches as more of Marcel's men lead Thierry out of the party and out onto the street, where a small crowd of more vampires watch Katie approach from down the street, chanting. Klaus watches the events unfold from a window above. The sequence is intercut with shts of Davina madly scribbling at her easel.) Thierry: Katie, no! Klaus: Like clockwork. (Katie waves her arm and a lamp's light explodes; all the vampires grab at their heads, falling down in pain. Davina's drawing appears to be Katie's face. Marcel alone rises back up to face Katie, but she smashes another light with magic and Marcel goes down again. Sophie continues to chant for her spell.) Rebekah: Hurry. (Marcel rises again, but Katie uses magic to break his bones, and he falls again shouting in pain.) Davina: NO! (In her attic room, Davina lifts her hands slowly; Marcel again rises, and Katie looks astonished.) Marcel: You're here to save your man. Well, come on, little girl! (He growls as he runs to attck Katie, but she halts him with magic, and he falls down groaning. Davina in her room falls at the same time. Katie lifts a wooden stake above Marcel.) Katie: Die, you son of a bitch. Thierry: No! Katie! Don't! (Klaus swoops in and snaps Katie's neck. She falls to the ground, dad. In the cemetery, Sophie stops her spell.) Sophie: Something's wrong. Katie's magic stopped. I can keep going. Rebekah: You can't. She'll sense it. Sophie: No. I can find Davina. I just need another moment. (Rebekah grabs the paper with black sand on top of it that Sophie was using and throws it aside.) Rebekah: You may be willing to die to get your witch back, but Hayley and the baby will die with you. Elijah will never forgive us, and rescuing him will be for nothing. It's over. We failed. (Back on the street, Thierry crawls over to Katie's body.) Thierry: No. Katie. No, no, no, no. (He sobs over her body, cradling it. Marcel catches Klaus' eye, and nods.) (Thierry stands chained to a wall in some underground room. Marcel stands across from him.) Marcel: Just tell me this. Was she worth it? Thierry: I loved her. (Marcel drives an iron stake into Thierry's gut, and he groans in pain. Another man appears, and Marcel hands him a wooden mallet.) Marcel: Seal him up... and let him rot. (The man begins to lay bricks over wet cement, clearly intending to build a wall to encase Thierry. He won't be the first; a long view down the tunnel suggests that many others have met the same fate.) (The party is over and the courtyard is deserted. Klaus and Marcel stand alone on a balcony and clink their drinks against each other. Marcel downs his.) Marcel: How much did Cami see? Klaus: She just saw an argument, mate. It's nothing you can't fix. You really like her, don't you? Marcel: I like that she's not a part of any of this. Sometimes it's good to see the world the way the humans do. Klaus: I am sorry about Thierry, you know? I can tell he was a good friend. Marcel: I made him what he was. Obviously, my trust was misplaced. Klaus: Doesn't make it easier. Marcel: You saved me tonight. I guess I owe you one. You asked for your brother back. Seems like the least I can do. (Cami drinks a pint at a bar, still wearing her gala finery. Klaus enters the place and sits next to her.) Klaus: Cami— Cami: Don't even try it. I get the bro code. You're here to smooth things over for your friend. It's very nice of you, but— Klaus: But you've been hurt before, and you aren't taking any more chances. Cami: Something like that. The guy I saw tonight—not the guy I thought he was. And if he can turn on a dime like that— Klaus: Sounds like more than just a broken heart. Someone broke your trust. Camille, the brave bartender. (Cami and Klaus stare at each other. Cami swallows, looking like she might lean in, but Klaus blinks and breaks the moment.) Klaus: I'm sorry... But I need you to give Marcel another chance. (Cami clears her throat.) Cami: Wow. I totally misread that. Klaus: No. You read it quite well, but we all have our roles to play. (compels) You went to Marcel's. You danced. You feel badly that he had a row with his friend, but otherwise, all you remember is that it was perfect. (Rebekah sits at the piano, playing a scattering of notes lazily. Klaus enters and she sits up.) Rebekah: Well, tonight was an epic failure. Klaus: On the contrary, sister. Tonight was a masterpiece. Rebekah: Are you mad? Katie died before Sophie could complete the spell. Klaus: Oh, I'm well aware. I klled Katie. Rebekah: You what? Klaus: There's no way our little su1c1de witch wasn't gonna try and take out Marcel with her. I saved his life, and in doing so, I now have him exactly where I want him. Rebekah: Sophie trusted you. I trusted you against all my better instincts. Klaus: Wake up, Rebekah. The witches are on no one's side but their own. This girl, Davina? That's all they want, and when they have her, what do you think happens then, a truce? Of course not. They will use Davina's power against all of us. Rebekah: Even if you're right, the plan was to find Elijah, and you've failed us. Klaus: You always did lack faith. By protecting Marcel, I've cemented his trust, so much so that he's agreed to return Elijah to us. And when the time is right, when he has told me everything I need to know about Davina, I will have her for myself. Rebekah: I have all the faith in the world that you'll get what you want, Nik. You always do, no matter what is costs the rest of us. You disgust me. (Rebekah takes a sip of bourbon, then sets it on the piano and leaves.) (Davina kneels at Elijah's open casket. She hears a door open and looks up to see Marcel enter. She runs to hug him.) Davina: You're okay! I was so worried. Marcel: Thank you. Whatever you did, I felt it. You helped me. Davina: It was the old ones, wasn't it? Marcel: Actually, Klaus is the one that saved me tonight. I'm gonna make things right, starting off by giving him his brother back. Davina: No. Marcel: What? Davina— Davina: No. You said the old ones were dangerous. I won't give him back until I know how to kll them. MIKAELSON MANSION (Hayley sits typing on a laptop at a desk, on whose top lay open a few old texts. Klaus pauses at the doorway and walks in.) Klaus: I thought you might like to know, Elijah is returning to us. Hayley: Congratulations. I guess being diabolical has its perks. Klaus: You hardly know him, and yet you miss him. What is it about my brother that always inspires such instant admiration? Hayley: He was kind to me. (Klaus takes this in. Elijah speaks in voiceover.) Elijah: (voiceover) There are moments when I doubt my family is capable of redemption... (Klaus turns to leave.) Hayley: Hey, I learned something today. I think it's a girl. (Klaus pauses in the doorway, but doesn't turn round. He smiles slowly.) Elijah: (voiceover) Yet each time that I am tempted to surrender, I see it, the glimmer of goodness that allows me to believe. THE FRENCH QUARTER (Rebekah is walking in the Quarter, still wearing her gown but her hair slightly disheveled. She sees Marcel, and turns the other way but runs into him there.) Rebekah: You're following me. (He walks toward her, backing her up against a store front.) Marcel: Maybe you're just in my way. (He walks away. Rebekah shuts her eyes.) THE CEMETERY (Katie's body lies prepared for her final rites. Sophie waves a smoking bundle of herbs over her body. Other witches, including Agnes and Sabine, stand around her.) Agnes: I told you no good would come from this unholy alliance of yours. Sophie: At least I'm doing something. What about you? (Sophie leaves.) Agnes: Sabine, tell them what you saw. Sabine: It's the girl, the wolf. FLASHBACK (Sabine swings a crystal, hanging by a string, over Hayley, who lies on the kitchen island face up.) Sabine: I think it's a girl. No... wait. Hayley: Wait what? Please tell me I'm not having a mini-Klaus. (The crystal glints in the light and Sabine drops it, gasping, her eyes rolling back in her head.) Sabine: Hoc est infantima malom. Nos omnia perditu el eam. (Flash forward to Hayley sitting at the desk with her laptop. She's entering the strange words Sabine uttered into an online translator, but is getting no results.) (END CREDITS) -Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x03 - Tangled up in Blue"}	foreverdreaming
Klaus (voiceover): My siblings and I are the first vampires in all of history, the Originals. 300 years ago, we helped build New Orleans. Now, we have returned to find the city has a new king, who rules with the aid of a powerful girl. They've taken possession of my brother, Elijah. A coven of witches want this girl for themselves; they seek to enlist my help, using my unborn child as leverage, though I suspect they have ulterior motives. So, I've made a plan of my own: I will free my brother, and reclaim the city for my family. Then, I will be king. ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH; DAVINA'S ROOM; MIKAELSON MANSION [A montage plays while Klaus speaks in voiceover: Marcel walks through the pews of the church; Davina kneels over Elijah's body, removes the dagger, and stares at it. At the Mikaelson mansion, Klaus stares at a large painting in his mansion as he talks to Cami.] Klaus (voiceover): Over the course of my life, I've encountered no shortage of those who would presume to speak of good and evil. Such terms mean nothing. People do what is in their best interest, regardless of who gets hurt. Is it evil to take what one wants? To satisfy hunger, even if doing so will cause another suffering? What some would call evil, I believe to be an appropriate response to a harsh and unfair world. Cami: No offense, but I'm not sure I follow why you've invited me here. Klaus: Because I enjoy your company. And I sense that you have the capacity for understanding someone of my... complexity. You see, I returned to New Orleans to investigate a thrat posed against me. What I found was a young woman, pregnant, in need of protection. My brother, always the do-gooder, tried to manipulate me into helping her—he thought it might redeem me. Trouble is, I've since learned of another young woman—a girl, really, one with vast potential—held in captivity by a tyrant. I want to help both of these women—protect one and free the other. So, tell me, Cami—does that sound evil to you? Cami: I don't believe in evil as a diagnosis. I think you have unstable personal relationships, stress-related paranoia, chronic anger issues, fear of abandonment. I think you could benefit from talking to someone. Professionally. [Klaus smiles.] Klaus: I think I prefer to talk to you. So, I'm going to offer you a job, as my stenographer. Cami: Okay, what are we writing? Klaus: My memoirs, of course. Someone should know my story. And it will give us time to discuss other riveting subjects, like your handsome suitor, Marcel. Cami: Excuse me? My private life is– Klaus: Your private life is, as it turns out, essential to my plans. You see, Marcel wants you. And, because of that, he will trust you, which serves me. The thing is, the French Quarter is on the verge of wr. On the one side there's me, and on the other, Marcel. Along with a very powerful witch and an army of vampires. Cami: WHAT? [Klaus zooms over, pushes her against a wall, and compels her] Klaus: You're frightened. Don't be. Cami: [puzzled] I'm not scared anymore. That's... amazing. How did you...? Klaus: It's called compulsion. It's a neat bit of vampire trickery. I'll tell you all about it. But first, let's talk a little more about Marcel. [Cami stares at him] [TITLE CARD AND OPENING CREDITS] DAVINA'S ATTIC ROOM - "Klaus saved my life. I owe him one." [Marcel leans over Elijah's body in his coffin, while Davina looks out the window] Marcel: This sucker's resilient. He's like a cockroach in a suit. [bat] Doesn't matter. Time to give ol' Elijah back to Klaus, anyway. Davina: You asked me to figure out a way to kll the Originals. I'm not done! The silver dagger hurts them, but that's it. Marcel: Davina, we've been through this. Klaus saved my life, I owe him one. Since he wants his brother back– Davina: Tonight's the annual Dauphine Street Music Festival. I wanna go. Please? Marcel: The whole point of you being up here is so you're never spotted out there. You know who works smack in the middle of Dauphine Street? Sophie Deveraux. Pain-in-the-ass witch, and you know what the witches will do to you if they find you. Davina: But you control the witches. Make her go away! [Marcel shakes his head] Davina: Marcel, it's one night! Marcel: I said 'No'. [Marcel turns and walks toward the door to leave] Davina: I do anything you say, but sometimes I think you forget what I'm capable of. Did you know I can make someone's blood boil? All I have to do is focus. [She stares at Marcel, and we can hear the hiss of boiling blood as he starts to sweat] Marcel: [smiles] Fine. We compromise, all right? You going out alone—too dangerous. But, I'll introduce you to a friend of mine that's going to be there. Alright? Nice lady. You two are really gonna ht it off. [Davina smiles widely and bounces on her heels] ROUSSEAU'S - "That's how compulsion works, love." [Klaus enters as Cami wipes down the bar at work] Klaus: Hello, Cami. Cami: How is it that when you come up to me now, and no one else is around, I suddenly remember that you just told me you're a vampire, and you're mind-controlling me? And then you leave, and then I go back to thinking you're just some hot guy with a cute accent and money to burn on your sprawling memoir? [Amused, Klaus leans in and answers in a low voice.] Klaus: Well, that's how compulsion works, love. Cami: Yeah, but what's happening? Is it hypnosis? Are my neurons being shut down somehow? Klaus: You're always the curious scholar. Let's talk about Marcel. [gestures to the bar] You said you have a little information for me. Cami: He's bringing someone to the music festival tonight. A girl he's mentoring. Apparently she's going through a hard time. Rebelling against authority, anger issues, that sort of thing. I guess with my psych degree, he figured I could set her straight, but I said no. Klaus: I'm going to go ahead and insist that you change your answer to 'yes'. [She stares at Klaus for a moment] Cami: You're going to force me to do this, aren't you? Why even bother with politeness? Klaus: Because I like you. I like the way your mind works. Under different circumstances, I think we might be friends. However, I don't have the luxury of passing up tonight's opportunity. You see, in addition to being Marcel's rather potent secret wapon, this girl, Davina, is holding my brother cptive. In other words—[Klaus compels Cami]—the girl needs your help. Call Marcel. Tell him you'd be happy to oblige. MIKAELSON MANSION - "How does one begin, anyway? [Hayley sits on the couch, flipping through a book as she talks to Agnes; at the table, Rebekah sits and types on a laptop] Hayley: I told you Agnes, I feel great! Agnes: You are overdue for a checkup. Hayley: What am I gonna do? Pop into the Quarter for a quick ultrasound? A pregnant werewolf escorted by a witch—nothing to see here! Rebekah: A lot of women would kll to have a child. It strikes me as odd that you're not taking better care of yours. Agnes: I know a doctor out in the bayou. Off the beaten path. Now, I took the liberty of making an appointment for you. Tonight, after-hours, just us. Vampires will never get word of it. [Hayley thinks for a moment and rolls her eyes] Hayley: Okay, fine. Bayou-baby-doctor it is. [Agnes and Hayley leave the room. Cut to Rebekah: she is looking at satellite photos of the French Quarter. Klaus walks in] Klaus: Please, sister, tell me you're not still at it with the internet search. How does one begin, anyway? Just type in "anonymous attic?" [Klaus pours himself a scotch] Rebekah: Someone has to find Elijah, even if I have to search every bloody attic in New Orleans. Klaus: Like looking for a needle in a rather large pile of needles. Rebekah: I remember details about the attic Marcel took me to. There were shutters on the windows behind Elijah's coffin. Klaus: Well, that should narrow it down immensely. Myself, I prefer actual strategy as opposed to mind-numbing labor. Marcel's delay in returning our brother makes me suspect he's no longer in charge of the situation. If Davina's loyalty to Marcel is strained, perhaps the young witch will be open to discussing a new alliance. Rebekah: [smiles bitterly] As usual, your power grabs are more important than rescuing your brother. Klaus: I prefer to think of it as klling two birds with one stone. Rob Marcel of his secret wapon, bring our brother home. [Rebekah merely looks at her brother, smiles tightly.] NIGHTWALKER BAR - "We got ourselves one high-class Original Vampire." [A crowd of nightwalkers hang out in small groups in a dark bar. Josh approaches Diego, who is feeding on a young woman] Josh: Hey, Diego! [Diego scowls and stops feeding on the girl. As he wipes the blood from his mouth, he drops the unconscious girl onto the floor before reluctantly turning toward Josh] Diego: What? Josh: Uhhh, do you know any way to fast track the whole... getting a daylight ring thing? Diego: You get a daylight ring when you get invited into the inner circle. For you, that may never happen. Josh: Yeah, but there's an opening, right? Now that Thierry's like... you know– Diego: You shut up about Thierry, alright? He didn't deserve what he got. Marcel was just showing off because for Klaus. Can't wait 'til his ancient-ass is outta here. [Rebekah enters the bar.] Rebekah: You and me both. [Diego stands up, claps his hands, and walks toward Rebekah] Diego: Look alive, boys. We got ourselves one high-class Original vampire. Rebekah: Mmm, a real charmer. What if I told you I could help you out with your little Klaus problem, in exchange for the tiniest bit of gossip? [Diego's face turns serious as he considers the offer] Diego: Like what? Rebekah: You might have heard the rumors that Marcel and I were quite the item, back in the day. He seems to have moved on, and I'd like to know with who. [Diego scoffs and turns back to the bar] Diego: You've seen him with the bartender. Rebekah: What, that plain-Jane that he carries on with? Only a blind man would choose her over me. There must be another girl in his harem. [Diego shrugs and shakes his head] Rebekah: Look, I just need the tiniest bit of closure. And then I can leave New Orleans and I'll be sure to take Klaus with me, which, let's face it, would make your life a whole lot easier? Diego: [sighs] Look, Marcel's got a full plate. If he's seeing some other hottie, she's somewhere in the Quarter, probably close by. [Rebekah smiles] Diego: And that, milady, is all I got. DAUPHINE STREET MUSIC FESTIVAL - "So, we should probably go over the rules." [Marcel walks along Dauphine Street as he gives instructions to a group of his vampires] Marcel: Big event tonight, a lot of people drinking, a lot of eyes watching. I don't want any trouble, which means no witches. Send word through the Cauldron—any witches come here, we kll them. And, while you're at it, no Originals, I don't like how Rebekah's been snooping around. I got my girl Cami coming, her and a little friend of hers, I want eyes on them at all times; eyes only. Alright? I don't want anyone getting anywhere near either of them. Everybody's got a post, everybody keeps an eye out. You cool? [The vampires look at Marcel in agreement for a moment before walking away] [It's night time now. Davina smiles broadly as she walks down Dauphine Street in a white sundress, looking at all the people and listening to the music. Marcel and Davina walk into Rousseau's, which is teeming with people drinking and listening to a brass band play up front] Marcel: So, is it everything you hoped for? [Davina shakes her head enthusiastically and giggles] Davina: Yeah! [Davina spots a young boy yelling for a friend near the bar, whooping for the band members] Marcel: So, we should probably go over the rules. Davina: [sighs] I won't talk to anyone about anything. I won't say anything about witches, or vampires, or Originals, or YOU. [Marcel nods at Davina and smiles] Davina: [smiles, embarrassed] You said you weren't going to hover! [Marcel looks at her incredulously, and Davina laughs] THE BAYOU CLINIC - "THIS is the doctor's office?" [It's dark, and Agnes drives Hayley up to the obstetrician in the Bayou in her car. Owls hoot in the background] Hayley: This is the doctor's office? Agnes: [smiles] Dr. Paige is only this far out because Marcel's men kept terrorizing her patients. Go! She won't bite! [Hayley nervously exits the car and walks toward the clinic. Once she's out of earshot, Agnes calls someone on her cell phone] Agnes: [frowns] Send them in now and tell them to do it quickly. ROUSSEAU'S – DAUPHINE STREET FESTIVAL - "Sooo, what's his name? Hot guy with the fiddle?" [The young boy Davina was watching earlier is on stage with another band, playing a fiddle. Davina continues to watch him intently. Over at the bar, Marcel keeps an eye on Davina as he chats with Cami] Marcel: It's good to see you. I was worried you thought I was some hothead after that display at the masquerade. Cami: We all have our hot-headed moments! [shrugs] Anyway, I'm almost done here until clean-up, so the two of us girls can hang out if you need to go shmooze, or whatever. [Davina leans over to butt into their conversation] Davina: You know, he was supposed to stop hovering like, ten minutes ago. Marcel: [to Cami] See what I mean? Authority issues! I'll go talk to the mayor—he actually knows how to show some respect! [Cami watches Davina stare at the boy, and smiles as she approaches her] Cami: Soooo, what's his name? Hot guy with the fiddle? Davina: [smiles shyly] Tim. [Cami smiles encouragingly] Davina: I knew he would be here, he always performs at these kinda things. Cami: How long have you two known each other? Davina: Since we were ten. [bat[ I had to leave school, and I didn't get to say goodbye. So, I was just hoping to talk to him tonight. [The band finishes their song, and all the patrons of the bar whoop and applaud them. Davina continues to smile and watch Tim play] ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH - "What's your name?" - "Father Kieran. And you are?" - "Mildly curious." [A priest is cleaning up a very run-down looking church when Rebekah enters] Priest: [briefly looks at Rebekah before going back to what he was doing] Church is closed. If you want your horror fix, go take a ghost tour. Rebekah: I don't much care for ghosts. I am, however, fascinated by window shutters. I've been on a town tour of them all day. I noticed the windows of your attic have shutters. Priest: Are you really interested in shutters? Rebekah: I can assure you it's my current life obsession. [bat] What's your name? Priest: Father Kieran. And you are? Rebekah: Mildly curious. [Father Kieran sighs deeply as Rebekah notices a red stain on the nearby wall] Rebekah: What happened here? Father Kieran: [sighs again] St. Ann's used to be the heart of the neighborhood. It's been abandoned for a while now. Since the night of the mssacre. [Flashback to a young, blonde seminary student in the church, who mrder several other seminary students by beheading them with a scythe, before ultimately klling himself the same way, despite Father Kieran's pleas] Father Kieran: Nine seminary students were klled... by one of their own. [bat] You're standing on blood. Rebekah: I'm not squeamish. Where's the attic? Father Kieran: Like I said, the church is closed. [Rebekah moves herself right in front of his face and compels him] Rebekah: Where is the attic? Father Kieran: Past the sacristy, up the stairs. Rebekah: [smiles] Thank you. Now, forget I was here. [Rebekah walks away. After a moment, Father Kieran shakes his head, as if shaking himself out of a daze] [Upstairs, Rebekah finds the attic and opens the door] Rebekah: I knew it! [She tries to enter the room, but she can't, because Davina has somehow magically revoked her invitation. In the doorway, she looks over at her brother laying in his open coffin. His eyes open and look toward her, and he uses his mental abilities to speak with Rebekah in her head, using a memory of them going to an opera in New Orleans in the 1880s as a backdrop. They are both dressed in 19th century finery and standing in front of a horse and carriage] Rebekah: What the bloody hell? [Elijah approaches her from behind, smiling rogueishly] Elijah: Rebekah, language, please! Rebekah: Elijah! [Rebekah runs toward him and hugs him tightly before looking around them] Rebekah: What is all this? Elijah: You don't remember? We went to the opera house together. It was your first full day back into New Orleans' society after Klaus removed the dagger from you. It's a memory that only you and I share. Also, I needed to know it wasn't another one of Davina's tricks. Rebekah: Well, how are you even awake? Elijah: [smiles] Davina removed the dagger, unaware that doing so even once would negate the dagger's power. In a few hours, I shall be as good as new! Rebekah: So, pop me into the attic and we can find a way to get you out! Elijah: I'm afraid I'm not quite ready to leave yet, Rebekah. [bat] This girl, Davina, she's...curious. Willful, too. [pours himself and Rebekah a drink] Soon, I shall be able to speak to her, perhaps to even propose a truce of some kind. So, if we can end this wr between the vampires and the witches, we'll be able to eliminate the thrat to Hayley, and her baby. Perhaps then Niklaus and our entire family can finally know peace. [hands Rebekah her drink] In the meantime, I need you to look after Hayley. She is our family now, so I need her and her unborn child to fall underneath our protection. [holds out his drink to toast to her] Swear to me, Rebekah. [He returns her back to reality, where she still stands in the doorway, looking at him in his coffin] Rebekah: I swear. [Rebekah turns to leave] BAYOU CLINIC - "A unique birthmark." [Dr. Paige is giving Hayley an ultrasound, and we can hear the fetal heartbeat] Dr. Paige: Your baby's heart rate is perfect. [smiles] Hayley: [smiles in return] I knew it. She's a tough one, like her mom. [Dr. Paige chuckles and hands her a tissue to wipe the ultrasound gel off of her abdomen, which she does. As Hayley sits up, Dr. Paige notices Hayley's crescent-moon shaped birthmark on her shoulder] Dr. Paige: That's a unique birthmark. Hayley: [puts on sweater] We're pretty much done here, right? [Hayley gets a text from Rebekah, which reads "Where are you?"] Dr. Paige: Your blood pressure is a bit high, I've got something for it. [Hayley watches as she walks away, to where Agnes is waiting in the next room. She texts "Bayou clinic with doctor" to Rebekah. Suddenly, a wolf howls loudly, startling Hayley. She gets up to look out the window and sees a car's headlights approaching, which makes her suspicious and anxious. Dr. Paige returns with her medication] Hayley: Ahh, you know, I'm-I'm actually not that good with pills. Dr. Paige: [nervous] Heh, neither am I, truth be told. [Dr. Paige sets the medicine cup on the table and starts preparing something. A group of intimidating-looking men walk into the clinic and whisper something unintelligible to Agnes. Hayley turns around to see Dr. Paige preparing a syringe, and the doctor lunges at Hayley to inject her with it. Hayley grabs her arm and pushes it away from her, headbutts the doctor to disorient her, and then sab the syringe into the doctor's neck. When the men in the lobby see what happened, they run toward the door, but Hayley manages to shut and lock it before they can enter. One of the men rattles the doorknob as Hayley struggles to open the window to escape. When they finally get in, Hayley has already escaped and began running away] OUTSIDE ROUSSEAU'S – DAUPHINE STREET MUSIC FESTIVAL [Outside, Tim struggles to unlock his car, as his hands are full with his fiddle case.] Klaus: [behind him] Hello, Tim. [Tim just stares at him blankly] Klaus: I believe you and I share an acquaintance. [grips him tightly by the shoulder and compels him] Be a good lad and help me send her a message. [Cami and Davina are still inside Rousseau's, looking for Tim] Cami: Well, he couldn't have gone far, he just got off-stage a minute ago! [Davina sighs and blinks tears from her eyes] Davina: It doesn't matter, this was a stupid idea anyway. Cami: No, it wasn't! Davina– Davina: Just forget it. [runs off] [Klaus approaches Cami from behind and hands her a note] Klaus: Tell her this is from one of the musicians. She'll want to leave, and you're going to want to help her slip out the back exit so Marcel doesn't see. [bat] Whatever you do, don't let her out of your sight. [Cami looks slightly annoyed, but when she turns around to talk to Klaus, he has already zoomed away] Cami: Wait, Davina! [Cami runs to catch up with her] ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH - "The boy has a gift. You can't compel a person to play like that." [Tim is standing in the aisle, staring at the statues and lit candles at the altar in the front of the room, when Cami and Davina find him there. Cami smiles at Davina encouragingly.] Davina: [whispers] I can't do this. [Cami, still smiling, gently pushes Davina toward Tim and watches as she approaches him. Tim turns around when he hears her, and his face brightens] Davina: [waves awkwardly] Hey, Tim. I got your note. Tim: I got your text message. Davina: Thanks for meeting me here. [sighs and smiles] Tim: [laughs] Uh, it's so amazing to see you—I can't even believe I'm standing here right now. I just... [sighs] Wow. [Davina giggles nervously] Tim: SO, how have you been? [laughs] And why did you want to meet here? It's so creepy... all the terrible stuff that happened? [Davina walks toward altar] Davina: I dunno, I kind of like it! It's quiet. The place can't be bad for all time, just because one bad thing happened... right? Tim: Wait, no, uh, alright, back up. So where...? [bat] One day you just stopped coming to school, and then it's like you just... vanished. Davina: There was an emergency... and I needed to take care of some things. Tim: Oh, are you okay? I mean, you look okay—you look great, actually. [Davina giggles] Tim: So, are you coming back to school? [Davina's smile falls, and then so does Tim's] Davina: [bat] No. But I need you to know that even though I was away, I miss you. [smiles] I miss seeing you at school, seeing you play your violin. [Tim gulps nervously and gestures to the walls of the room] Tim: Well, this place does have great acoustics. [Davina looks confused for a moment, until she sees him pick up his violin and bow. She sits down to watch and listen to him play] [Cami is staring at the bloodstains on the walls in the back of the church, listening to Tim play for Davina, when Klaus joins her] Klaus: The boy has a gift. You can't compel a person to play like that. Cami: I know what you are. It's crazy to me, but at least it makes sense. But this... mssacre... was just a pointless, brutal thing. In your life, have you ever heard of anything like that? A good man, an aspiring priest, just goes on a klling spree out of nowhere. [Klaus sits next to Cami] Klaus: I've seen quite a lot in my time. The world is a rather awful place. Best to meet it on its own terms. Cami: [shakes her head] No. The world isn't awful. People aren't awful. They want to be good; something makes them bad. Something breaks them down, makes them snap. There are always signs, symptoms, before someone has a psychotic break. The guy who did this had none of them; he didn't drink, he didn't do drugs... Klaus: You're well-informed on the matter. [bat] You knew him, didn't you? Cami: [blinks back tears] His name was Sean. He was my brother. My twin, actually. I can't sleep, I... dream, about what happened, and I hate it, and I hate that I couldn't help him. Klaus: We all must stand alone against our demons. Cami: What if someday, his demons become mine too? [She looks at him expectantly, and he notices that Tim has finished playing] Klaus: I have some business I should attend to...but before I do– [Klaus places a hand on her shoulder and looks in her eyes to compel her] Klaus: You should go, enjoy the music. Put this out of your mind. [Klaus lets go of her, and she leaves the church to return to the festival] DAUPHINE STREET FESTIVAL - "To be continued." [Father Kieran walks down Dauphine Street when he sees Marcel walking around the festival] Father Kieran: Marcel! Marcel: Father Kieran—welcome back. I wasn't sure when you'd be coming home. Father Kieran: I can tell, judging by what's been going on in my church attic. Marcel: [smiles coldly] I didn't think you'd mind. Lord knows I've done you a favor or two. Father Kieran: [lowers voice] I take it you know the Originals have returned? The sister, Rebekah? I saw her earlier, snooping around the church, asking about the attic. She doesn't know I take vervain. You gotta problem on your hands. Marcel: No disrespect, for the grieving process, for you and your church, but just so I know—are you here to help, or are you just going to drop in with criticism? [Father Kieran laughs coldly, and leans in to whisper to Marcel] Father Kieran: Never forget, Marcel, that you live in this city by the grace of those who know your secret and tolerate you. Marcel: And this city thrives because of me and my people. Anytime that you need a reminder of that, just let me know. [Marcel stares at Father Kieran menacingly, but their argument is interrupted by Josh] Josh: Marcel? Diego said he lost eyes on the girls. Marcel: [turns to Father Kieran] To be continued! ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH - "Don't dare hurt him!" Klaus: You two are absolutely adorable! Warms my heart, it really does, but I do need a word with the young lady. So, Tim, [grips his shoulder and compels him] Go sit down, count to one-hundred-thousand. [Tim walks to the back of the church] Klaus: Quietly, now, there's a good boy. [turns to Davina] I assume you know who I am. [bat] Then, let's get right to it, shall we? Your current dilemma strikes me as a case of poor alliances. You're loyal to Marcel and yet he keeps you tucked away in an attic. Surely you prefer just a little bit more freedom. And yet Marcel keeps you prisoner. Davina: Marcel doesn't keeps me prisoner, he keeps me safe. He's my friend. Klaus: Well, I've no doubt he is. [crouches to her level] For a girl caught in a wr between witches and vampires, I might be a better friend. I would keep you safe. And I'd allow you your freedom. [paces up and down the aisle] If Marcel could do that, why hasn't he done so already? And it does beg the question: If Marcel can't protect you, then what of those you care about? [Klaus gestures to Tim, who is sitting in the last pew] Davina: If anyone tries to hurt anyone I care about, I'll kll them. Klaus: Well, then. Sounds like you don't need Marcel at all. Perhaps you've suspected it all along. Your dear friend Marcel tricks you into doing his bidding. And all the while you rot in an attic, alone, while young Timothy moves on with his life. [Davina stares intently at Klaus, angry.] Davina: You feel that? That's your blood starting to boil. [Klaus groans as we hear the hiss of his blood boiling. Sweat starts to drip from his forehead, so he composes himself and vamp-runs to Tim and puts him in a headlock] Klaus: Such a shame to lose him, just as you found him again. [to Tim] And I really did admire your skill with that violin. Davina: Don't you dare hurt him! Klaus: Oh, I hope I won't have to, sweetheart. But, then, that depends on you. Davina: Let him go now! Klaus: You should know, I don't do well with demands. [Davina thrusts her open hand out and twists it, using her magic to break the bones in his leg. Unfortunately, it takes only a moment for Klaus to reset his bones and heal] Klaus: Impressive. But you don't want to fight me, love. Innocent people have a way of ending up dad. Tim: [whispers] Please, let me go. Klaus: Your choice, little witch. Swear allegiance to me alone and the boy lives. Stand against me– [The candles behind Davina flare as Davina gets angrier. After a moment, she thrusts both hands in front of her and shrieks. Her magic causes paper and books to be blown around by wind, and all the windows in the church shatter. The glass shards fly backwards, and Klaus and Tim are forcibly blown backwards toward the entrance. Even Davina is knocked backwards by the power of her magic and thrown onto the ground.] WOODED AREA IN THE BAYOU - "If I had a dollar for every mess my family has got me into." [The men who raided the clinic are still looking for Hayley, and they pass her, not seeing that she's hiding behind a tree. She runs up to them and kicks the first man she encounters in the gut and knocks him to the ground. SHe jumps and kicks the second man down as well, and snaps his neck. A third man tries to attck her, but she grabs a Knfe from his hands and cuts his neck with it as she spins in the air. When a fourth attcks her, she grabs his gn, and knocks him to the ground, and possibly kills him as she kicks him and beats him in the head with the butt of the gn. Hayley crouches on the ground, and her eyes flash werewolf-gold as she looks for any more thrat. A large, burly man descends upon her, but before Hayley can react, his neck is snapped from behind by Rebekah, who has just arrived] Rebekah: Have to say, I'm impressed. Hayley: How did you find me? Rebekah: Your text got me halfway, vamping here did the rest. Who are they? Hayley: Witches, warlocks, whatever. [Rebekah notices more men with flashlights in the distance] Rebekah: There're more of them. Run! [Hayley reluctantly heeds her warning] Rebekah: [muttering to herself] If I had a dollar for every mess my family has got me into... [Rebekah is sht in the heart with two arrows, which temporarily neutralize her and she falls to the ground. Hayley sees her] Hayley: Rebekah! [Hayley is sht in the shoulder with an arrow, which seems to be coated in something that causes her to pass out and fall to the ground as well] DAUPHINE STREET MUSIC FESTIVAL [Cami walks down the street, observing the people partying around her, when Marcel approaches her] Marcel: [frantic] Where is she? Where's Davina? Cami: She went to meet a boy, in St. Ann's church... Marcel: [sighs, rolls his eyes] Stay here in case she comes back. [Cami watches Marcel, concerned, as he walks away quickly] WOODED AREA IN THE BAYOU [Rebekah awakens from passing out after being sht in the heart with an arrow. She pulls out the arrows with a groan, and sits up to find five or more bodies, all dad and bloodied.] Rebekah: [looks around] What the hell? [starts to gasp for breath as she pulls herself to her feet] Hayley? HAYLEY? ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH [Davina awakens on the floor after passing out from attacking Klaus with her magic. She stands up] Davina: Tim! [She runs toward the back of the room, where Klaus and Tim where blown backward, and runs out the door. Above her, in the balcony, Klaus stands as he talks on his cell phone with Rebekah] Klaus: [angry] What do you mean, 'She's missing?' Rebekah: What do you think I mean? There's blood and bodies everywhere, someone's ripped this lot to shreds, and there's no smart-aleck pregnant girl. Klaus: Keep looking. I'm on my way. [Klaus hangs up and pulls Tim up onto his feet] Tim: Please, don't hurt me. Klaus: It wasn't my intent to. But, sadly, we've run out of time to play nice. [Klaus grabs Tim and throws him off the balcony onto the floor below. He spots Tim's violin on the floor, and smiles as he throws it over as well before walking away] [Some time later, Tim lies on the floor, surrounded by broken glass. He is severely injured, and his breathing is shallow. Davina returns and finds him lying on the floor] Davina: Tim! [kneels down beside him] Oh no, no, please! [she lifts his head onto her lap] I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you! [Tim gasps in pain and looks at her as she runs her fingers through his hair. Klaus enters and walks toward them] Klaus: One of the tragic consequences of wr. Innocent bystanders. What terrible guilt you'll have to live with, young Timothy's blood on your hands. Davina: [angry and near tears] Get away from him! [Klaus raises his hands defensively] Klaus: No, no, let's not be hasty. After all, I can heal him. [Davina looks at him in confusion] Klaus: All you have to do is ask. [Klaus crouches down to her level. Davina looks down at Tim, and after a moment, nods her head] Davina: Please! Klaus: For you, Davina, with pleasure. [Klaus bites his wrist and feeds his blood to Tim. After a moment, Tim pulls away and sighs in relief. Klaus tilts his head toward him and compels him] Klaus: You will forget everything that happened after the concert, including the fact that you saw Davina. Davina: [looks at Klaus in shock] What? No! Klaus: If he remembers seeing you, he might come looking. If the witches learn of him, if they know you have a weakness, then poor Tim might end up as leverage in an awful scheme to control you. Again. [Klaus stands up and pulls Tim to his feet again, then compels him.] Klaus: Okay, come on, up you come. [compels] Take your violin case with you. You'll remember losing the instrument backstage after the performance. You really should be more careful. [Klaus claps him on the neck, and Tim picks up his violin case and leaves with it] Klaus: All fixed! And now, you owe me a favor. [Davina frowns and cries silently as she picks up Tim's smashed violin off the floor. When she looks up again, Klaus has vanished. She walks into the aisle and turns around when she hears Marcel approaching her] Marcel: Davina! [looks around] What happened? What are you doing here? Davina: [angrily] I live here, remember? [She turns away and walks back to her room. Marcel looks at her, confused, and sighs as she walks away] BAYOU CLINIC [Rebekah is walking around, looking for clues as to where Hayley could be. She sees the doctor passed out on the floor next to the used syringe. Suddenly, Klaus appears] Rebekah: Wow! You abandoned your quest for power to help out your family! Having an off day? Klaus: [calmly] Who took her, Rebekah? Rebekah: I don't know. Klaus: What do you mean, you don't know? And who klled her attackers? Rebekah: I don't know! I had an arrow in my heart. If it wasn't Hayley who klled them, then– [She is cut off by wolves howling in the distance. Klaus looks at her and raises his eyebrows] Rebekah: Lovely. Maybe her cousins will know where she is. [Klaus follows her outside, speechless. When they exit the building, they see Hayley stumbling toward them, her clothes tattered and dirty. She looks dazed and exhausted. The two run toward her] Klaus: Hayley! What happened? Tell me what happened. Hayley: I can't remember. [Klaus examines Hayley for wounds] Klaus: You've completely healed. There's not a scratch on you. Hayley: One of the perks of being a werewolf, remember? Klaus: No, not that fast. [Rebekah runs over to Hayley and wraps an arm around her protectively] Rebekah: Leave her alone! [thinks for a moment] It's the baby. The vampire blood, Klaus' vampire blood, in your system, it can heal any wound. [Klaus turns and stares at her incredulously] Rebekah: Your own child healed you. [Klaus smiles at the thought] Rebekah: How did you escape? Outnumbered, unarmed? Those men were ripped to shreds! Hayley: [quietly] I think it was the wolf. I think it's trying to protect me. Klaus: [angrily points to Hayley] The witches were supposed to protect you! When I get my hands on Sophie Deveraux– Rebekah: It wasn't Sophie– Hayley: It was Agnes. Klaus: Fine! Agnes, Sophie, it's all the same to me! I'll slaughter the lot of them! Rebekah: Not if Elijah gets there first. Hayley: Elijah? Did you find him? Rebekah: He's been in touch, and he has a plan. All he asks is that we take care of you. Hayley: [smiles] Hey, so... can we go home now? I'd really like to sleep for a few days. [Hayley stands up, and Klaus nods with a smile. When she goes to walk, she stumbles and starts to fall, but Klaus zooms over to catch her and picks her up] Klaus: Ooh, I've got you, love. I've got you. [Rebekah and Klaus walk toward their car, Hayley still in Klaus' arms] NIGHTWALKER BAR [Marcel angrily talks with his nightwalkers, including Josh and Diego] Marcel: I was crystal clear! Eyes on my girls at all times. Diego: [scoffs] What, your girl's little friend sneaks away from YOUR party, and that's our fault? [Marcel scowls at him] Diego: What, Marcel, are you going to send me to the Garden, too? [Marcel snaps his neck, and turns around to address his other nightwalkers, who stand and stare at him before dispersing awkwardly] Marcel: [to Josh] When he wakes up, tell him an apology would have gotten him a lot further than his attitude. [smiles] [Josh nods and walks away. After he does, Rebekah walks into the bar and slams the door. Marcel approaches her] Rebekah: Awful, what happened to the church. I hear they're calling it a gas leak. Such a pity. Marcel: I heard that you were quite a woman on a mission today. Rebekah: What can I say? I want Elijah back. Marcel: Is that ALL you want? [gets into her face] You'll get Elijah back. In the meantime, stay out of this bar, and stay away from my guys. Rebekah: What's wrong? You jealous? Marcel: Me? I've already found my queen. Rebekah: Cami? The bartender? Stop fooling yourself, Marcel. She's comfort food, something to distract you from what you really want, which, after all these years, is impossible to deny, because I'm [whispers] standing right in front of you. [She looks at him, and stares at his lips, as if she's about to kiss him, but instead, Marcel walks away, leaving Rebekah standing alone] CAMI'S APARTMENT [Cami is in her pajamas, and looks in her bedroom mirror as she takes off her necklace. She sees Klaus standing in the doorway in the reflection, and turns to talk to him] Cami: Klaus! What are you doing here? Klaus: I've had quite a night. [bat] I recall you mentioned something about nightmares and insomnia. I believe I can help. Can I come in? Cami: This is super weird. Come in. [Klaus walks in] Cami: Wait, that's right, I told you what happened. I never tell anybody, but I told you. [tears start to fill her eyes] And you said something about Sean standing alone against his demons. When he klled those men, I thought he must be mentlly ill, but [gasps in realization] what if it was demons? What if a vampire compelled him? Klaus: And if so, would you devote yourself to finding the guilty party? [tear falls down his cheek] Would you sacrifice everything to find out the truth? [walks toward her] To what end? Cami: [backs up] To what end? This is the entire reason why I'm in New Orleans! Klaus: Cami, whatever lies on the other end of this mystery will only offer you pain! Nothing will bring your brother back! [walks toward her] Your only hope for peace... is to forget this... [Cami realizes what he's about to do] Cami: No. Klaus: ...and move on. Cami: No! Don't compel me to forget this! Klaus: And if I allow you to remember, the knowledge will eat away at you. [more tears fill his eyes, and Cami starts to tear up more as well] Your quest for truth will only put you in danger. Cami: You don't care about me! [Klaus shakes his head] You only want me to forget this so I can focus on Marcel! So I'll be a good little spy, for you! Klaus: I need your loyalty, yes, and though it may appear selfish to you, the scope of my plan goes far beyond myself! Power aside, I am trying to honor my brother! Cami: [bites her lip] What about my brother? My twin brother. We were bonded our whole lives, and I know, I KNOW, he didn't just snap. And I need to know who did this, and I need to make this right! [Klaus walks closer to her] NO! DON'T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME! [Klaus grabs Cami and compels her] Klaus: You will do nothing. Your brother was ill. He k*lled those people and himself, and it was a tragedy. All you can do is move on. [He lets her go, and tears fall from her eyes as she sits down on her couch. Klaus takes her hand in his as he continues to compel her] Klaus: Know that your brother is at peace, and that you needn't worry. I will find out what happened, and when I do, I will make sure whoever harmed your brother will suffer. And as for you... Tonight, you will sleep, and you will dream of a world that is far better than this one... a world where there is no evil, no demons, and all people desire only to be good. DAVINA'S ATTIC ROOM [Davina is touching Tim's broken violin. She turns sadly toward her windchimes, and uses her magic to telekinetically make them play the song Tim played for her. She is startled when she hears a floorboard creak, and turns, startled. She is walking toward Elijah's coffin when she hears his voice—Elijah stands behind her, looking gray from not feeding.] Elijah: It's all right, Davina. I don't mean you any harm, though I do think it's time we had a talk. [The both give each other small smiles] -Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x04 - Girl in New Orleans (FKA Interview with the Vampire)"}	foreverdreaming
Elijah (voiceover): My siblings and I are the first vampires in history, the Originals. Three hundred years ago, we helped to build the city of New Orleans. We were happy here, a family. Recently, a coven of witches lured my brother back, using his unborn child as leverage. I tried to help him, but he betrayed me to his enemy, the vampire, Marcel. Since then, I've been held prisoner by a powerful witch. My brother seeks to manipulate others to procure my release. But, I have my own plan. If this witch proves to be an enemy, I will stop her. By whatever means necessary. Davina's Attic – "Why should I trust you?" [Elijah is standing in the attic, focusing on Davinas pulsing carotid artery. His skin looks very gray as a result of not feeding while he was daggered] Davina: You're the one they call honorable. [Elijah smiles] Elijah: Yes, that's what they call me. And yet, I followed my brother here to New Orleans to engage in a wr. So, I ask you: does that sound honorable to you? Davina: You don't look well. Elijah: Well, only this morning I had a mystical dagger embedded in my chest, so I'd say I'm holding myself together quite well. [bat] Davina, I believe that you and I have the power to end a wr between witches and vampires before it truly begins. I, by keeping my brother in line; you, by behaving like your true self—not some tool for Marcel or the witches. Davina: And why should I trust you? Elijah: Well, for one thing, in spite of a ravenous hunger, I have not tried to take your blood. Davina: Why not? I'm the only one here. Elijah: Even in my present condition, I would not feed from a child. [Davina takes a hat pin and pricks her finger with it. A drop of blood clings to the end of the needle, and she places the drop on Elijah's lip. After a moment, Elijah's skin returns to it's normal complexion. Davina looks pleased] [OPENING CREDITS] Mikaelson Mansion [Klaus is pacing in the back kitchen of "Rousseau's." When Sophie comes in with some produce, Klaus grabs her and vamp-runs them back to the Mikaelson Mansion] Klaus: We had a deal! You protect my unborn child, I dismantle Marcel's army. And whilst I've been busy fulfilling my part of the bargain, you allowed Hayley to be attcked and almost klled by a gaggle of lunatic witches. Sophie: I had nothing to do with it, I swear. Hayley and I are linked, remember? She dies, I die. Rebekah: Then who were they? Sophie: They are a faction of extremists. Sabine stupidly told them about some vision she had about the baby. Klaus: What kind of vision? Sophie: She has them all the time. They are totally open to interpretation. I'm guessing she's wrong on this one. Klaus: Well, how, may I ask, was this particular vision interpreted? Sophie: Pretty much that your baby would bring death to all witches. Klaus: Ah, well. I grow fonder of this child by the second. Rebekah: Sophie, look, I promised Elijah that I would protect the Mikaelson miracle baby whilst he tries to win your witch Davina's loyalty. Why don't you tell me just how extreme this faction is? Sophie: Elijah's talking to Davina? Rebekah: Yeah. As we speak, I imagine. Sophie: I'm guessing she'll have plenty to say about that crowd. Klaus: Do tell. Sophie: I... wasn't always an advocate for the witches. FLASHBACK – 8 MONTHS AGO [At Rousseau's, Sophie dances to music behind the bar as the crowd cheers] Sophie: [shouts to crowd] Woo, drink up everybody! This is how they party in Rio! [pours liquor straight into her mouth from the bottle] Sophie: [present day] My sister was devoted, like our parents, and our upbringing was very strict, which drove me nuts. The minute I turned 21, I left the Quarter to travel... and play. [Flashback Sophie pours alcohol into a girl's mouth and kisses her after she drinks it] But, I wanted to be a chef, so I came back to Rousseau's. [In flashback, Jane-Anne enters Rousseau's to find her sister] Sophie: Oh, Jane-Anne! [Jane-Anne smiles and the girls hug] Jane-Anne: Welcome home, Soph. Can we go some place to talk? Sophie: Just tell me. Jane-Anne: The elders called a vote. We're moving forward with the Harvest. Sophie: [stunned] What? PRESENT DAY Rebekah: What the bloody hell is a Harvest? Sophie: It's a ritual our coven does every three centuries, so that the bond to our ancestral magic is restored. We appease our ancestors, they keep our ancestral power flowing. Klaus: And why haven't I heard of this? Sophie: Because a Harvest always seemed like a myth. A story, passed on through generations like Noah's ark, or the Buddha walking on water. The kind some people take literally, and some people don't. FLASHBACK – HARVEST [Some young witches are standing and kneeling in a row outside a farmhouse. An older witch, Bastiana, holds a Knfe] Bastiana: [makes a small cut on the first girl, Monique's hand] To be reborn, we must sacrifice. Monique: To be reborn, we must sacrifice. Bastiana: To be reborn, we must have faith. [cuts the second girl's hand] Second Girl: To be reborn, we must have faith. Bastiana: Do you have faith in the Harvest? [cuts the third girl's hand] [Sophie shows up and approaches the witches] Sophie: Not for a second! Monique: Sophie! Sophie: What are you doing? Bastiana: Saving the community you renounced. Sophie: You're all ridiculous. Monique, seriously? Monique: [reluctantly] My mom told me I had to. Sophie: Yeah. Well, your mom and I are gonna have words. [Davina is the last girl in the row, and she watches as Sophie storms away] PRESENT DAY Sophie: They had the girls of our community preparing for months. Four would be choosen for the Harvest. They said that it was an honor, that they were special. I thought it was a myth. Rebekah: Was it? [Sophie looks guilty, but before she can say anything, Klaus's cell phone rings. He picks it up—it's Marcel.) Klaus: Marcel. Bit early in the day for you, isn't it? Marcel: I know, I make this look easy, but I still have an empire to run. Klaus: Rather you than me. All that responsibility seems like such a bore. Marcel: Well, this might spice things up. I just heard about a bunch of dad witches out in the bayou. The kinda damage a werewolf might do, only there was no full moon. I have an informant out there I need to meet and I would love for you to go with me. Klaus: dad witches in the bayou. Sounds like less of a problem, and more like a cause for celebration. Marcel: Well, something klled them. And may still be out there. And with your blood the only cure for a werewolf bite, I would love for you to accompany me. Klaus: Oh, why not? Haven't been to the bayou in ages. I'm on my way. Marcel: Peace out, brother. [Marcel hangs up. He is holding a picture of a large house in his hands] Marcel: [to a woman he is with] This is the one. MIKAELSON MANSION Sophie: You can't go out there now. I need to gather the witches' remains and consecrate them. If I don't get to them before sundown, we'll lose the link to their magic. Klaus: Those witches tried to kll Hayley. I'd prefer for Marcel's informant not to find anything that would lead him back to us, to her, or to... you know, [points at Hayley's stomach] that. Hayley: You are all class. Klaus: [points at Sophie] Stay put. And save the rest of your story 'til I return. St. Ann's Church [Father Kieran is sweeping the church when Marcel enters.] Father Kieran: Look who's back. Here to visit your prisoner in the attic? Marcel: Lay off. She's not a prisoner. And I'm moving her tonight. Too many people know where she is. Father Kieran: I have been hearing about what you've been up to since I've been out of town. Using that girl to keep the witches from doing magic? Marcel: All respect, Father K. If you're going defend the witches' rights, we got nothin' to talk about. Davina's Attic [Davina is drawing while Elijah walks around. He holds Tim's damaged violin in his hand] Elijah: Do you play? Davina: That's... not mine. [Elijah sits in a chair and tinkers with the violin for a moment, until Marcel's steps can be heard from outside the room. When he enters, Elijah has hidden himself away] Marcel: Good news, Little D. I'm moving you out this pile of dust. Davina: Are you serious? When? Marcel: Tonight. I just need to lock in the arrangements. How's our Original? [gestures to Elijah's coffin] Davina: Uh, don't disturb the body! I have a spell in progress. Marcel: Bet you do. Pack up, 'kay? Only what you wanna take. I'll buy ya anything else you need. Davina: Okay. [Marcel leaves the attic. Elijah appears from behind a corner] Elijah: You didn't reveal that I was awake. Davina: We're not done talking yet. [Elijah picks up the violin again and sits down] Elijah: You and Marcel seem very close. Davina: Marcel's my family. Elijah: And yet Marcel is someone who delights in harming the witches. Those people, I would think, you would consider family. This doesn't trouble you? Davina: No. They deserve it. Elijah: Why would you say that? Davina: 'Cause they're liars. All of them. [Return to the flashback of the young witches and the elder witches by the farmhouse. The girls still kneel in a row, and Bastiana touches four of the girls' foreheads to indicate who has been chosen. Monique, Davina, and two other girls were chosen for the Harvest] Davina: (voiceover) They made me and my friends do this Harvest ritual. They said our participation would bring our family strength, health... that we'd forever be celebrated as saviors of the community. But all they really wanted was more power. So, I left before they could get it. Now, they're running out of time, because after the Harvest, comes the Reaping. And if they don't complete the Harvest, there won't be a Reaping. Soon, all the witches in the Quarter will start to lose their power. Eventually, they will cease to be witches altogether. Elijah: So what does it take to complete this ritual? Davina: I have to die. [Elijah is shocked by this revelation] Lafayette Cemetery [Sophie is in the cemetery, packing a little bottle into her backpack, when Hayley enters the mausoleum] Sophie: Hey. What the hell? Hayley: You're going out there anyway, aren't you? I wanna go with you. Sophie: No, thanks. Already got asault by Klaus this morning. Don't need a repeat. Hayley: What if whatever is responsible for all those dad witches is still out there? We've already established that it likes me and hates witches, so you'll be safer with me. Sophie: Sorry if I'm not buying your sudden concern for my safety. [Hayley blocks the exit, forcing Sophie to stop.] Hayley: Listen. The whole reason I came to this stupid town in the first place was to learn more about my family. Your sister's the one that told me Marcel ran the werewolves out of the Quarter, into the bayou. And, last night, I'm pretty sure that some guardian-angel-wolf saved my life. So, I'm coming with you. [Rebekah walks in to the mausoleum and joins the girls] Rebekah: Could you two be more idiotic? [Hayley and Sophie both look around at each other and sigh] Rebekah: Two can play the follow-game, you know! You heard Klaus, he and Marcel are headed right where you're going. Hayley: So distract them. Because unless you wanna see lock a hormonal, pregnant werewolf in a tomb, I'm coming with you. And wouldn't Elijah be mad if he hears that the baby and I died of asphyxiation? [Rebekah stares at her, annoyed. Sophie rolls her eyes and sighs again, resigned to having Hayley and Rebekah tag along] Big Auggie's Bayou Bar [Klaus is standing in front of the bar, phoning Rebekah] Klaus: What's the matter Rebekah? You cross that I'm out with your ex? Rebekah: What is all that dreadful hillbilly ruckus in the background? Klaus: According to the dreadful signage, it's Big Auggie's Bayou Bar. Rebekah: Well, order up a few rounds of moonshine and steer clear of the dad witches for a few. The witch is on a burial mission, your baby mama is on a spirit quest, and I'm keeping Elijah's promise to keep her safe, so stall, please? [Rebekah hangs up the phone. Klaus, who is angry and annoyed, enters the bar] Marcel: Everything okay? Klaus: Oh, just the usual. Temperamental sister. So, where's your informant? Marcel: Tomas? He's out sniffin' around. Grab a drink, and then we'll chase him down. Klaus: Well, I suppose it will give us a chance to talk things over, like why you haven't returned Elijah. Maybe your young witch has grown partial to his company. She must get so bored. Marcel: You never stop, do you? Klaus: You never answer, do you? Marcel: Why're you so curious about Davina? Klaus: If I had a 16-year-old, all-powerful witch at my beck and call, you would wonder about her, too. Marcel: You're never gonna get her. Klaus: Okay, okay. I'll ask the harmless questions, then. How did you meet her? Marcel: [laughs] That might surprise you. This was eight months ago, before I banned the witches from using magic. Relations between vampires and witches weren't what you'd you call friendly, by any means, but let's just say we were a little less... divided. In fact, some of us were getting along just fine. FLASHBACK [Sophie Deveraux and Marcel are taking a shower together, making out with each other and presumably having sex. Afterward, Marcel lies in his bed, while Sophie dries herself off beside him] Sophie: Ugh, it's so screwed up, I'm dealing with whacked-out, militant witches. Marcel: [smiling] Hey, you witches all got a little crazy in you. Sophie: And my sister has really gone off the deep-end this time. Marcel: Jane-Anne's got martyr written all over her, that's for sure. Sophie: They've got every 16-year-old girl in our coven dying to be one of the four chosen for this crazy-ass ritual. Marcel: Anything I can do to help? Sophie: No, you've caused enough trouble with them. Marcel: What, little old me? Sophie: [giggles] You're a dick. You always stir it up with the witches. Which is why this [kisses him] stays between us. [kisses him deeply] PRESENT DAY Klaus: You and Sophie? You hypocrite. You trture those witches, and yet there you were, getting positively Romeo and Juliet with Sophie Deveraux. Marcel: Oh, hey hey hey, it wasn't like that. It was a... mutually satisfying hook-up. Klaus: So, if Sophie didn't turn to you, her secret vampire lover, in her hour of need, what did she do? Marcel: She did what any good girl do. She went to her priest. FLASHBACK [Sophie, Father Kieran, Jane-Anne, Bastiana and Agnes are in the St. Anne's Church] Bastiana: You've never cared about witch business, Sophie. And now, you have the gall to reveal our private dealings to an outsider. Father Kieran: You have to find another way. Bastiana: You think we do this lightly? The vampire presence in the Quarter is growing stronger, we need more power to fight them off. Harsh times call for harsh measures. Sophie: This is a little more than harsh, Bastiana. Jane-Anne: [to Sophie] You don't understand, because you don't believe. You've never believed. But I believe enough to put everything on the line for this. And being chosen for the offering – it's an honor. Sophie: It's a myth, Jane-Anne. Father Kieran: What you are planning to do is not only wrong; in my city, it's illegal. Jane-Anne: In your city full of vampires? Father Kieran: The vampires and the human faction have an arrangement, just like we have with you all. Protect the locals, protect our homes, we look the other way. What you are planning goes too far. Bastiana: We are simply taking what we need. Our connection to our ancestors weakens over time. You sow, and you reap; that's the way the Harvest works. Father Kieran: I am the only ally the witches have in this town! Do you really wanna face Marcel without me? Because that is what you'll be dealing with if you go through with the Harvest. [Sean O'Connell hears the argument and comes out to investigate] Sean: Everything okay in here, Uncle Kieran? Father Kieran: We're just finishing, Sean. Right? [glares at the witches] I believe I've made myself clear. Agnes: We'll take this matter to the elders. [turns to Sean and grasps his hand in hers] Continue your studies, Sean. Your uncle is an excellent role model. [smiles] [Sean nods, and as Agnes turns to leave, she mutters a hex under her breath] PRESENT DAY Marcel: The witches were furious with Kieran. Sophie tells me that the witches put a hex on his nephew Sean, made it seem like he was slowly losing his mind in order to distract Kieran, while they kept planning for the Harvest. Klaus: [angry] So they attcked Kieran's nephew. Marcel: Yeah. Kid wasn't the same after that, ended up going postal, klling all his fellow seminary students, all of them, and then himself. Klaus: I might have read about that. The boy... klled a twin, or he was a twin or something. Marcel: Ah, no no no, they said he had a twin sister. [Marcel sips his liquor, while Klaus downs all of his in one gulp, obviously angered at learning that the witches hexed Cami's brother into klling all of those people] Davina's attic [Elijah is still fiddling around with the violin as Davina packs her suitcase] Elijah: So, enlighten me. What did you mean when you said you had to die? Davina: That's was the Harvest was. They said they'd put us four girls in a state of, like, peaceful limbo as part of the offering. And then later, at the Reaping, we'd awaken and be reborn. I never got as far as the limbo part, which means the Harvest isn't complete. That's why the witches are so freaked out. The Reaping is just around the corner, and if they don't finish it before then, it's over. All I have to do is wait it out. Elijah: And then what? Davina: They're punished, and I'm free. Elijah: From Marcel? Davina: Of magic. All our power will drain away. I'll be normal. [Davina smiles slightly] Elijah: Is that what you want? To be normal? Davina: I just don't wanna be what I am. I can't control it sometimes. Magic. I... [tears up] hurt people. Even when I don't mean to. Elijah: Why don't you tell me about your friends. You must miss them. Davina: There's Tim. He doesn't know about any of this witch stuff. He's normal. My best friend, Monique. She was a part of the Harvest too. She's lucky. No one ever fought for me, but someone fought for her. The only one who ever spoke out against the Harvest was Monique's aunt. Elijah: And who is that? Davina: [sighs] Sophie Deveraux. [Elijah continues to look shocked about what he is learning] The Bayou [Sophie, Rebekah and Hayley continue to walk around the Bayou to look for the dad witches] Rebekah: So, this Harvest thingy—tell me more. Sophie: Klaus said to wait. Rebekah: Yes. He also said to stay out of the bayou and yet here we are, amongst the crawly, buzzy creatures. Hayley: We're here. [They have reached the place where the witches were klled. They're all bloodied and ripped apart, and a dismembered head lies near the bodies. Sophie, who looks sick, kneels down to dig around her bag for the ingredients she needs to consecrate her fellow witches] Hayley: Whoa. [Hayley sees a huge pawprint in the mud. In a nearby tree, there are three bloody scratches in the bark] Sophie: Is that a wolf track? [They hear a crunching noise, like footsteps, nearby] Rebekah: [calls out] Who's there? [The person approaching them is a male vampire – Marcel's informant, Tomas] Thomas: What the hell? An Original? [He runs away with vampire speed, leaving the girls standing and gaping] [Klaus walks outside of Big Auggie's Bayou Bar as he talks to Rebekah on his cell phone] Klaus: Let me understand this: against all logic, you and Hayley went to the bayou, where you ran into a man you think may be Marcel's informant, and then you lost him? Rebekah: Yes, and now that we've established that I am a failure as a sister, and a friend, and an Original, you should probably know he's on his way to Marcel right now to rat me out. Skinny guy in a hurry, looks like he saw a ghost. Klaus: I'll handle it, but I'll need a distraction. [smiles] Rebekah: I'm on my way. [She hangs up, and swats at a mosquito that has landed on her arm. Klaus enters the bar again.] Marcel: Your sister again? Klaus: She craves attention. So come along, you were just getting to the juicy bits. Marcel: I can't joke around about this. I've done a lot in my day, but I do have a rule about kids. [The story about the Harvest continues as Marcel tells it to Klaus, and Davina tells it to Elijah. The scenes alternate between the two storytellers, as well as flashback sequences.] DAVINA'S ATTIC Davina: No one but Sophie ever questioned the Harvest. Not even my own mother. So neither did I. We thought it was such an honor, we had such faith. We were so stupid. Elijah: So how did it begin? Davina: We were led out like princesses. My mother was so proud. FLASHBACK [It's night now, and the four girls are led into the Lafayette Cemetery by the elders to start the Harvest. There are birdbaths with liquid that is lit on fre burning around them] Bastiana: Our magic fades as our ties to our ancestors weaken over time. We beseech them, accept this offering as a sign of our faith. [The girls kneel in a row in the middle of the crowd of people] DAVINA'S ATTIC Davina: Bastiana, one of the Elders, called upon the four elements to bind our past and future magic together. Earth, to connect us to our ancestors. Water, to heal the community. Wind, to carry us to our ancestors and back. fre, to purify. After all our preperation, we knew exactly what to expect. For weeks they told us that the magic in the Knfe they used to cut our palms would put us to sleep, and that later at the Reaping, we would all be resurrected. They said we'd awaken, and all be together and more powerful than ever. And it was just like we rehearsed it. All that was left was a little cut on our palms for the blood sacrifice. FLASHBACK [The first girl stands up to begin the Harvest, but is interrupted when Sophie runs into the cemetery] Sophie: No! Stop! Bastiana, stop! You have to stop, Bastiana, please don't do this! [A male witch wraps his arms around Sophie to restrain her, and covers her mouth with his hand so she can't intervene or scream anymore] Davina: [voiceover] Even after Sophie tried to stop it, we didn't suspect anything. Bastiana: To be born, you must sacrifice. Do you have faith? [The girl nods in response, and holds out her hand for the blood sacrifice. Instead, Bastiana slits the girl's throat, and the young witch falls to the ground. The other three girls start to scream in terror, but they're also restrained so that they can't run away. Davina's mother stares straight ahead as her daughter screams] DAVINA'S ATTIC Elijah: Everyone involved in the ritual knew that this would happen. Davina: Except the four of us. They weren't putting us to sleep, they were slaughtering us! FLASHBACK [The next witch is pushed forward, and Bastiana slashes her throat with the Knfe as well, despite her protests] Davina: No, no! Bastiana: Monique Deveraux. Davina: NO, NO, NOOO! [A man forces Monique forward to be sacrificed next] Davina: [voiceover] I begged for someone to help. My own mother turned away from me. Sophie screamed and screamed for her sister, anyone, to do something. Sophie: What is wrong with you!? [Jane-Anne looks worried, but does nothing] DAVINA'S ATTIC Davina: But no one did. Elijah: And yet you survived. Therefore, someone or something intervened. [Davina nods] Davina: Yes. Someone finally did. FLASHBACK Sophie: Monique, run away! Run away! [A shrill whistle can be heard, and a group of vampires, led by Marcel, infiltrates the cemetery and they start klling the witches] Sophie: Marcel. BIG AUGGIE'S BAYOU BAR Klaus: You're the one who stopped it. Marcel: Kieran knew every detail from Sophie. After his nephew's mssacre in the church, he was so torn up. He left town just before the Harvest. But on his way out, he came to me, and he asked me to stop the Harvest. He knew I didn't want the witches getting any more power. And I do have a rule about people abusing kids, so, I did what he asked. But I was too late. FLASHBACK [The vampires are still attacking the Elders. A vampire bites Bastiana and feeds on her until she dies, and when her body falls to the ground, so does the magic Knfe in her hand. Another vampire bites and kills Davina's mom. Agnes picks up the Knfe from the ground, and grabs Monique and slits her throat with it. Davina screams, hysterical and trying to break free.] Davina: No, Monique! Nooo! Let go of me! Stop it! Stop it! Let go of me! Stop it! [Davina fights against the guy holding her. Marcel watches her fight against him as she headbutts the guy in the face, so Marcel kills the man and grabs Davina protectively] Marcel: I got you. BIG AUGGIE'S BAYOU BAR Marcel: There was something about seeing Davina fight. She didn't just go along to the slaughter, you know? Klaus: [smiles slightly] I do... Marcellus. Marcel: [somberly] I felt like she and I... we were kindred spirits. FLASHBACK [Marcel is still holding Davina, while Sophie kneels on the ground, holding Monique's body in her lap. Sophie looks up at Marcel and Davina, and Davina holds her hand out toward Monique. A light inside Monique leaks out of her body, and into Davina's outstretched hand, and Sophie and Marcel stare at her in amazement] DAVINA'S ATTIC Davina: Every girl who died released her power on to the next. When I was the last one, I suddenly had all of it, all the power that was supposed to be released back into the earth to appease our ancestors. Elijah: So... the Harvest was actually working? Davina: Something was working. And I knew that I was supposed to be klled so the Harvest could be completed and we would all be resurrected. But, they lied to us about how they were klling us. How do I know they weren't lying to us about coming back? [bat] But mostly, I just didn't want to die. So, I let him save me. Marcel saved my life. [In the flashback, Marcel sees the surprised look on Sophie's face, and vamp-runs himself and Davina away before she could get hurt. In the present, Elijah looks disgusted by how Davina was treated, and feels sympathy for her] Big Auggie's Bayou Bar Klaus: You were quite the knight in shining armor, though Davina must realise you owe her as much as she owes you. You never could have banned the witches from using magic without her. Marcel: She's not exactly besties with them. I'm protecting her. A lot of them would like to get their hands on her and kll her to finish the Harvest. If they don't, the other girls stay dad, and they lose their power. Klaus: And if they you do, you lose yours. Marcel: And Davina loses her life. [Rebekah shows up and joins them] Rebekah: Isn't this like old times? Just how drunk are you two? Klaus: [fakes slurring his words] Skating on the razor's edge. I'm gonna use the loo. Back in a tick. Rebekah: I haven't seen him this lushy since the '20s. Marcel: So you came to take him home? Rebekah: Why else would I be here? Marcel: I don't know. Maybe to make sure I didn't get too drunk and spill secrets better left unspilled about you and me. I know better. Rebekah: I hope so, because you don't wanna end up on the wrong side of me. Marcel: Oh, Rebekah Mikaelson. You do not wanna be on the wrong side of me. [The two stare at each other intently] OUTSIDE OF THE BAR [Klaus walks outside and sees Tomas, who has just returned from the bayou] Klaus: Tomas, I presume. Marcel asked me to find out what you know about the dad witches. Tomas: I heard they were going after some pregnant werewolf. She was stupid, being out there all alone. Klaus: Yeah, she was, wasn't she, yes? It's amazing how gullible some people can be. [Klaus chuckles and snaps the vampire's neck] [Elijah proudly holds up Tim's violin] Elijah: You may return this now to its rightful owner. It's restored. [Davina takes the instrument and stares at it sadly] Davina: I don't even know if I'll see him again. [The room starts to shake, as if they're in an earthquake. Elijah and Davina look around worriedly, and the window shutters burst open as the shaking stops] Elijah: Davina, this power that you contain, drawn from your fallen friends—it's too much for you. You need control, which requires study and practice. Now, my mother was a very powerful witch. She left behind her grimoires, a legacy of books filled with spells. These books contain all of the tools that you might need to control your magic. If you free me from here, I can share them with you. However, if you leave now with Marcel, we'll never see each other again, and I cannot find you, and I can't help you. Davina: The witches manipulated me. You know how that ended. Elijah: This is not manipulation. This is one thing in exchange for another. I'm offering you a deal. [Klaus enters the bar again. Marcel is gone; Rebekah returns to the bar from the restroom.] Klaus: That was fast work, Rebekah. Where's Marcel? In there, touching up his lipstick? Rebekah: Credit me with some taste, it's filthy in there. Where'd he go. Klaus: He didn't tell you he was leaving? Rebekah: No. Do you think he realized we were stalling him? Klaus: No. Unless... he was stalling us. [Marcel bursts into Davina's room. Elijah is hiding in his coffin] Marcel: Okay, now's our sht. You ready to blow this joint? Davina: [smiles] Can't wait. [Marcel grabs Davina's suitcase and the two get ready to leave the room] Marcel: We'll leave Elijah behind as a parting gift. Might buy me a little forgiveness for pulling one over on his siblings. Let's go. [The two leave the attic, though Davina gives her room a final parting glance before she goes. When the two of them are out of earshot, Elijah pulls himself out of his coffin. Downstairs, Marcel walks ahead of Davina. She stops suddenly in the middle of the church's main room, and he turns to look at her] Marcel: What's wrong? What's happening? [The church starts shaking, and Davina's body tenses up as her body starts to spasm] Davina: I don't know. Something's wrong. [Marcel runs up to Davina to help her] Davina: Marcel. There's something dangerous out there. Take me back! [Davina passes out, and Marcel catches her] Marcel: Damn it. [He picks her up and carries her back to her room. Upstairs, Elijah waits in the doorway and smiles. He has hidden by the time Marcel brings her back up to her room and puts her into her bed. He tucks her in under her blankets, and after looking at her for a moment, he takes his leave. Once he's gone, Davina opens her eyes and lifts her head] FLASHBACK [Marcel and Davina enter the attic room for the first time] Marcel: No one's gonna look for you here. It's only for a little while, 'til I get you out of town and some place safe. For now I can get you whatever you want. What do you like to do? Davina: [whispers nervously] Draw. Marcel: An artist, huh? That's cool, okay. I can buy out Vincent's for you tomorrow. Maybe get you some curtains, or– Davina: Marcel? You know what I really want? [bat] I wanna make them pay. (Marcel nods.) PRESENT DAY [Davina sits up in bed] Davina: [calls out] Elijah? Elijah: [comes out of hiding] I'm pleased you stayed. Davina: You'll keep your promise about your mother's spell book? Elijah: I will. You know, difficulties aside, I value my family above everything. I am sorry that yours failed you. Davina: Your brother Klaus handed you to Marcel in a box, yet you still don't give up on him? Elijah: Well, I've given up on giving up. It's an affliction. I will fight for my family until my last breath. Davina: And I'll fight the witches until mine. St. Anne's Church Father Kieran: Now what? You just gonna leave her up there for anybody to find? Marcel: I'm not in the mood, Kieran. Father Kieran: You were supposed to get her out of New Orleans after the Harvest. We failed those other three girls, we didn't fail her. That is why I came to you for help. That was the plan. Marcel: Plans change. Father Kieran: Especially after you found out how powerful she was. Marcel: Let's get something straight. For eight months since you left, I've been running this town just fine. I don't need you coming back and gettin' in my business. I will do what I want, where I want. Got it? Father Kieran: You wanna be the boss? You wanna call the shts? Fine. But I call the shts with the humans. And you don't wanna make an enemy of me. So, I would suggest one thing—stay away from my niece. Marcel: Fine. Who the hell's your niece? Father Kieran: Cami. [Marcel stops in his tracks and considers this news for a moment, before huffing in frustration and leaving] [It's night now, and Hayley and Sophie are returning to Sophie's truck] Hayley: Those people, all this, because of a vision about my baby you don't think is true? Sophie: Look, I love Sabine, but she's the witch equivalent of a drama queen. I've learned to take little stock in whatever she says or sees. Just kinda wish she'd kept her mouth shut. Hayley: The Harvest ritual. You said you didn't believe in it. Were you right? Sophie: No. I saw it with my own eyes. It was working. It was real. Hayley: So, how can you be so sure Sabine's vision isn't? [Sophie doesn't have an answer] Outside the Abattoir [Marcel walks into the courtyard where Klaus is waiting for him up on the top of a cement barrier] Klaus: Taking me on a field trip to distract me. Pathetic. And obvious—I taught you better than that. Marcel: You taught me to protect what's mine. You will not take Davina from me—end of story. Klaus: An immutable law of nature, Marcel, is the strong always take from the weak. Marcel: Oh, if you were so strong, you wouldn't have run away from New Orleans like a little bitch, all those years ago. [Klaus jumps down from where he was standing and punches down on Marcel] Klaus: You've been playing king with a bunch of children for too long. Don't mistake me for one of your nightwalker lackeys, Marcel. I can take Davina anytime I like. [Marcel lunges for Klaus, but he's knocked back down by Elijah, who has appeared out of nowhere] Elijah: Do forgive me, Marcel. If anyone is to teach my brother a lesson... it's me. [Klaus stares in shock at his brother, and doesn't seem too pleased to see him] Mikaelson Mansion [Rebekah pours several drinks as she talks to Hayley] Rebekah: I don't care if we have to get you a leash, that was your last trip to the bayou. What is it with you and those wolves, anyway? Hayley: I feel like we're connected somehow. I don't know. Maybe it's just some pipe dream that I have of finding any real family out there. But sometimes, when I feel like it's me against the world, it keeps me going. [Rebekah gives Hayley a sympathetic look and hands her a drink. Hayley side-eyes her, and Rebekah suddenly remembers that Hayley is pregnant and can't drink, so she drinks Hayley's glass in one gulp, and then drinks her own] Rebekah: Oh, right. Well, if you ask me, family is a pain in the behind. [Hayley rolls her eyes] Rebekah: And as for being in it alone, how dare you? I don't ruin a perfectly fabulous pair of boots traipsing through the bayou for just anyone. [Hayley smiles, and Rebekah downs her second drink. Their conversation is interrupted by Klaus walking through the front door] Rebekah: Nik, finally. What– [Elijah walks through the door after his brother with a huge smile. Rebekah runs to Elijah and hugs him tight. Elijah sees Hayley over Rebekah's shoulder, and they smile at each other, though Hayley leaves the room right after] Rebekah: Elijah! You're safe! Now that you're home, is your first plan to kll Niklaus? Elijah: [smiles] Excuse me, just a moment. Rebekah: Where's he going? [Elijah walks out the back door to find Hayley, who is standing on the back patio] Hayley: You're back. Elijah: I'm back. [The two look at each other for a moment, and then Hayley slaps him in the face] Hayley: Don't make promises you can't keep. Welcome home. [Elijah touches his face where she slapped him, and smiles to himself] Mikaelson Mansion [The Mikaelson siblings and Hayley sit in the study, where Elijah stands behind the desk and explains everything that he has learned from Davina that day] Elijah: Everything that brought us here to New Orleans was a lie. This story that Sophie Deveraux fabricated, this struggle for control of the French Quarter, this wr between vampires and witches, wasn't over territory at all, this was over Davina. FLASHBACK [In the back room of Rousseau's, Jane-Anne and Sophie are both sobbing and arguing] Sophie: I swear, I had no idea that the Harvest could possibly be real! Jane-Anne: But the one thing that you were sure of is that I was wrong, and that I would risk Monique's life on a maybe. And now my daughter is dad. Sophie: Please tell me how to fix this. Jane-Anne: Now that Marcel has Davina, how we are even supposed to find her? If we don't finish the Harvest, Monique and those two other girls are dad for real. [Sophie steps toward her sister and grabs her hands] Sophie: Look at me. You and I are gonna find a way to get Monique back. It'll be our little secret. We'll do it together. I'll seal off the cemetery from the vampires, find Davina, stop Marcel and finish the ritual once and for all. Even if I have to slit Davina's throat myself. PRESENT DAY Elijah: Eight months ago, Sophie Deveraux and her sister Jane-Anne lost everything. Now, four months after that, a young pregnant girl wanders into their restaurant. Suddenly, all hope is renewed. Jane-Anne actually sacrificed her life so that her sister can use you to find Davina. If Sophie Deveraux is successful in capturing Davina, she can return Jane-Anne's daughter back to life. We thought we'd come here to wage a w*r for power. This is about family. In order to return her niece to life, Sophie Deveraux will fight to the death. That makes her more dangerous than anyone. [As they speak, Sophie kneels in front of Jane-Anne's grave at Lafayette Cemetery in the pouring rain, crying] END CREDITS -Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x05 - Sinners and Saints"}	foreverdreaming
Rebekah (voiceover): My brothers and I are the first vampires in history, the Originals. Three hundred years ago, we called New Orleans home. Now, we've returned, drawn by a witch who seeks to use my brother Klaus' unborn child as leverage in a brewing wr. But his quest for power has turned brother against brother, leaving our family more divided than ever. Now that Elijah has returned, can our family unite to face this new thrat? MIKAELSON MANSION [Klaus and Elijah sit opposite each other in the living room, both reading. Klaus is reading "A Poison Tree" by William Blake, and Elijah is reading one of his mother's grimoires. A dad girl lays on the coffee table as they listen to classical music. After a moment, Rebekah enters] Rebekah: So, this is what you do the first time we're back together as a family? Vampire book club? Klaus: [continues reading] Reading edifies the mind, sister. Isn't that right, Elijah? Elijah: Yes, that's quite right, Niklaus. Rebekah: And what's this business? [gestures to the dad girl on the table] Elijah: This is a...[gestures as though he's searching for a word]...peace offering. Klaus: I presumed, after so much time desiccating in a coffin, that my big brother might be a bit peckish. Elijah: And I explained to my little brother, that forgiveness cannot be bought. I'd simply prefer to see a change in behavior that indicates contrition, and personal growth. [Klaus rolls his eyes guiltily, and Elijah gestures to the girl] Elijah: Not this nonsense. Klaus: Well, I couldn't very well let her go to waste, could I? [grins] Rebekah: Well, I suppose I'll go fetch the rubbish bin, because she's staining a two hundred-year-old carpet. [Elijah looks up from his book to see the girl bleeding out onto the table, where the blood drips onto the floor] Elijah: Ah, yes. Klaus (voiceover): [recites "A Poison Tree" by William Blake] I was angry with my friend: [Klaus looks at Elijah] I told my wrath, my wrath did end. I was angry with my foe: [Marcel walks into the Palace Royale Hotel, looking for Klaus] I told it not, my wrath did grow And I watered it in fears, [Cami brings flowers to her brother's grave, to find that someone spray painted "mrder" over the headstone] Night and morning with my tears; And I sunned it with smiles, [Father Kieran pulls wooden boards off the windows of the church, and waves to a group of men standing outside the door] And with soft deceitful wiles. And it grew both day and night, [Klaus looks at Elijah, and then to Hayley, who walks through the room, her hand on her pregnant belly] 'Til it bore an apple bright. And my foe beheld it shine. And he knew that it was mine, And into my garden stole [Klaus watches Elijah set down the grimoire and follow Hayley into the kitchen] When the night had veiled the pole; In the morning glad I see My foe outstretched beneath the tree. [In the kitchen, Elijah finds Hayley making herself breakfast, and rooting through the fridge. Elijah leans in the doorway] Elijah: [smiles] Good morning. Hayley: [smiles] Hey. [Rebekah enters through the back door, dragging a trashcan behind her] Hayley: Listen, I know I'm the only one in this house that actually drinks milk, but would it kll any of you to make sure it's on the grocery list? Rebekah: Speaking of, add bleach. [stomps through the kitchen and into the living room to clean up the mess] Elijah: [digs around in a cupboard as Hayley pulls ice cream out of the freezer] You know, I do hope my siblings were hospitable to you, in my absence. Hayley: In your absence, as you like to call it, which is a way-too-polite way of saying that your brother put a dagger in your heart...[looks up to see Elijah bringing a bowl, a spoon, and a bag of cereal to the counter] I have been attcked by French Quarter vampires, I've had to live in a house with a secret dungeon full of coffins, and I was nearly mrder by witches who are convinced my baby is Lucifer. [Elijah smiles sympathetically as he pulls orange juice and milk out of the fridge, pours Hayley a bowl of cereal, and then fills it with milk] Hayley: [notices the milk] Oh...milk. [bat] They've been fine. Your siblings are weirdly protective, I know I have you to thank for that. Elijah: I'm just happy to see that you're in one piece. [smiles] So, back to the mrder witches. [hands her the bowl of cereal] I have some concerns. Hayley: They're evil. And, my life is still magically linked to Sophie Deveraux, which is not comforting. Elijah: Yes, I think it's time we took care of that little problem. Rebekah: I am all for it. As soon as they're unlinked, we get to leave this crap town. [drags the dad girl's body across the kitchen floor] Who do we have to kll? Elijah: [thinking] Probably no one. [Hayley looks at him questioningly] Elijah: Alright, potentially everyone. [turns to leave] TITLE AND OPENING CREDITS ROUSSEAU'S [Sophie chops up vegetables and talks to Sabine, who is sitting on one of the tables] Sophie: [gestures to table and makes a face] I cook on that, you know! Sabine: Don't get cranky with me! I'm the only witch who still likes you. Sophie: [stirs gumbo] Yeah, it's not like I'm trying to save the witch heritage or anything. [turns to Sabine] Sabine: They'll come around. They're just old-school, and scared. Sophie: Scared of what? Your prophecy about the hybrid baby? Agnes and her freak-show minions had a real field day with that one. Sabine: I can't help what I see, Soph. [shakes head] Sophie: [smiles] Well, if you're psychic, I'm Martha Stewart! [walks toward table to grab some celery] Scootch! [Sophie returns to her table, and Sabine hops down to join her. She sees a shadow in her peripheral vision and gets suspicious. Suddenly, two people in black masks come out] Sabine: What the...? [One of the masked people backhands Sabine across the face, and she as she falls, she hits her head on the table and falls unconsious. Sophie tries to fight the other two masked people off, but they blow some powder in her face that makes her pass out as well] MIKAELSON MANSION [Rebekah scrubs at the bloodstains in the carpet as Klaus continues to read "A Poison Tree."] Rebekah: Poetry about poisoned apples from dad trees. Looks like someone's worried about impending daddyhood. Klaus: [shakes head] Nonsense. Elijah's back. In his presence, all problems turn to pixie-dust and float away! [Rebekah side-eyes him and grins, and Klaus grins back. Elijah joins them in the living room] Elijah: Strange, I don't recall any pixie-dust from the darkness of the coffin I was recently forced to endure. [Elijah opens Esther's grimoire and flips through it] Rebekah: What are you doing with Mother's spellbook? Elijah: Well, in exchange for my freedom, I promised the witch Davina that I would share a few pages from Mother's grimoire. To help her learn to control her magic. I thought we'd begin with a little unlinking spell. [Rebekah and Klaus look at each other in confusion] Rebekah: [stunned] Wait, you want to use her to unlink Hayley from Sophie Deveraux? Elijah: Sophie brought us here under false pretenses! She doesn't just want us to take down Marcel and his minions, she wants to take Davina back. So, she yolked her own cause to ours, with magic thrat and half-truths! Well, no more. As of now, our deal with Sophie Deveraux is null and void. [Klaus and Rebekah grin] Elijah: Niklaus, I need you to come with me. I need five minutes alone with Davina, you need to make certain that I am not interrupted. [points to Rebekah and thinks for a moment] You stay here and watch Hayley. Rebekah: How did I get elected super-nanny? Klaus: More importantly, who put him in charge? [follows Elijah out of the room] NIGHTWALKER BAR [Marcel sits alone, drinking a bottle of scotch, as various vampires around him feed on humans at the tables around him. Josh sees Marcel, and approaches him] Josh: Hey. Is everything okay? [Marcel gives him a look] Josh: Uh, can I get you something? Marcel: Look, I know you want a daylight ring, kid. Little heads up? I got guys eighty years ahead of you. Josh: [nods nervously] Noted. Sorry. Marcel: [watches him walk away] Wait! You know Klaus Mikaelson. I asked you to give him a lift home a couple of times? To the Palace Royale Hotel, right? Josh: [stammers] Uhhh, yeah...the Palace Royale. Marcel: See, I stopped by his hotel, to say sorry about an argument we had. Turns out he lied about living there. Lied! Do you ever hear the phrase, "Uneasy is the head that wears the crown?" Josh: Uhhh...Lord of the Rings? Marcel: No, Shakespeare. When I was a kid, Klaus taught me how to read with those plays. All about a king who gained the world, but lost his soul. But now, I get it! You see, when it's all said and done, and you look around at the empire you built, the only thing that matters is who you can trust! Josh: There's gotta be somebody, somewhere that you can trust? "To stick to you, through thick and thin, to the bitter end." Sam and Frodo, The Fellowship of the Ring. [shrugs] Marcel: [nods slowly] Yeah, there is someone. We used to be best friends. [pats Josh on the arm as he leaves] DAVINA'S ATTIC ROOM Davina is sketching with charcoal on her easel when Elijah arrives and leans against the doorway and knocks on the door. Davina smiles] Elijah: [holds up pages of grimoire in a cloth] I made you a promise. Davina: [smiles] Come in! ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH [Cami sits in the confession room with Father Kieran] Cami: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been...oh, a year, since I've had a good conversation with you. Kieran: Camille. Cami: You've been avoiding me, Uncle K. Kieran: My favorite niece? Never! Cami: Don't lie. This is a church! [bat] Besides, I came about professional advice. [bat] About Sean. DAVINA'S ATTIC ROOM [Davina spreads a page of Esther's grimoire on her table] Davina: It's a spell of unknotting? Elijah: This is a sanguinum knot. The witches use it as representational magic. If you can unknot this using that spell, you will have taken a step towards learning control. This is one of my mother's later spells. It requires much more power than you realize. Now, if you can perform this, then I shall return with another page. [walks toward the door, then turns back to her] A spell of your choosing, next time. [smiles, then leaves] ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH [Cami and Father Kieran are still in the confessional] Cami: I guess since I'm a masochist, I went by Sean's grave today and-- Kieran: Damn it, I was hoping to get that cleaned up before you saw it. I hope it didn't upset you too much. Cami: It didn't bother me at all. That's the problem. That's why I'm here. I slept like a baby every night this week. Even though my brother hacked nine priests to death, not two feet from this confessional. [bat] A guy I've been seeing, Marcel, has been blwing me off. Whatever, I've been on two dates with the guy, and I'm more upset about THAT than seeing "mrder" scrawled across my brother's grave. Kieran: [hesitates] It's called healing, Cami. Cami: For months, after the mssacre, I couldn't think of anything else. And then suddenly...nothing. I need to feel that pain! Without it, I feel...broken! Empty! Like, there's someone to blame...and...I'm letting them get away with it. Kieran: Listen, if you have found a way to turn it off, don't question it! The only person that is responsible for Sean's behavior is...Sean. Cami: Do you really believe that? Kieran: Yes. I do. [Cami stares at her uncle through the screen for a moment, before she gets up and walks out of the church. Kieran sighs. Up in the balcony, Klaus watches Cami leave, and frowns] LAFAYETTE CEMETERY MAUSOLEUM [Sophie is awake now, and struggling against the grips of the masked people who knocked her out. The masked people shackle Sophie to chains hanging from the ceiling] Sophie: Let go of me! [Agnes enters with a bag and sets it on a table] Agnes: Leave her be. Sophie: klling me to get to Klaus, or his baby is not the answer! Agnes: [roots through her bag] I'm not gonna kll you Sophie, I was there the day you were born. I am the last remaining Elder of our coven. It is my duty to protect our power, and our power means nothing if that baby grows another day. [turns to face Sophie] Sabine's omen was clear. That baby will bring death to us all. Sophie: [scared] What are you gonna do? [Agnes holds up a large, old-looking metal syringe with a long needle] Sophie: [terrified] No, no, Agnes, no. No, no, don't! [Agnes holds Sophie's head down and sab the needle into her neck] MIKAELSON MANSION [In her bedroom, Hayley yells in pain as she grasps her neck. When she pulls her hand away, she notices blood on her fingers. Rebekah hears her shout, and walks in] Hayley: AHH! Rebekah: What the hell was that? Hayley: Hell if I know, it felt like I was being sab. [Hayley and Rebekah get a dawning realization that something bad is happening] ROUSSEAU'S [Elijah and Klaus find Sabine on the floor of the kitchen and Elijah helps her up] Elijah: [gruffly] What happened? Sabine: It was Agnes. [rubs head as she looks around] Her men took Sophie. Klaus: Day one with you in charge, brother, and already the witch linked to Hayley has been abducted by zealots. Elijah: [to Sabine] Where is she? Sabine: If I tell you where Agnes is, you'll just kll her. Klaus: Isn't that obvious? Sabine: Look, I know she's a little...coo-coo, but she's our last living Elder. That might not mean a lot to you, but it means plenty to us. The Elders are the one ones who can do important spells. Elijah: Like completing the Harvest ritual? Sabine: [confused] You know about that? Elijah: Oh, you'd be astounded by the things I know. Klaus: [to Sabine] Allow me to entertain you with today's list of priorities. One, unlink your friend Sophie so she no longer controls the fate of the woman carrying my child. Two, convince my brother to accept my heartfelt apologies for some recently dodgy behavior. Three...there is no three. Elijah: I believe what my brother is attempting to communicate, here, is that neither the life of this Elder, nor the Harvest ritual, nor your coven's connection to magic are of any relevance to him, whatsoever. [bat] Now talk. THE GARDEN [Marcel walks through the gate to the Garden, and approaches Thierry's "cell" amid the groans of pain of the other "inmates."] Marcel: Thierry. Thierry: [weak and groggy] Marcel. Come to punish me again? Marcel: Someone asked if there was anyone I ever trusted. I only came up with one name. You. So, Thierry, you and I are gonna have a little talk about Klaus Mikaelson. [grabs a sledgehammer and starts to break down the wall of bricks surrounding Thierry] MIKAELSON MANSION [Rebekah enters a room where Hayley is sitting in an armchair] Rebekah: Time for the demon spawn to snack! Hayley: I really wish you wouldn't call her that. Rebekah: Oh, sorry, have you picked another name yet? [holds out basket of fruit] Take one, the plantation's lousy with them. [Hayley chooses an apple and grasps it in her hand] Hayley: I feel fine...which is weird. I'm sure it's Sophie-related. Rebekah: Then, do me a favor, and don't die on my watch! I'll never hear the end of it. Hayley: You know, when I first met you, I thought you were a real bitch. Rebekah: [smiles] What changed your mind? Hayley: Oh, I still think you're a bitch! [smiles] I've just grown to like that about you. Rebekah: [chuckles] Aw, well, that's sweet of you to say. [face turns serious] Remember it when I'm gone. Hayley: Gone? Where are you going? Rebekah: I only came to town to make sure everything was okay with Elijah. He's fine, and he hasn't punished Klaus for daggering him, so...as usual, they'll be thick as thieves, and I'll be left to clean up the mess. [bat] It's time for me to fly the coop. Hayley: Oh...[goes to bite the apple, but then starts to feel woozy] Rebekah: [frowns] What's wrong? Hayley: [shakes head] I dunno, probably morning sickness... Rebekah: [places hand on Hayley's forehead] Oh, you're burning up, actually. LAFAYETTE CEMETERY [Klaus and Elijah have found Sophie, and they break Sophie free from her chains] Sophie: [groans in pain as shackles break] Agnes stuck me with a needle. Cursed objects were created a long time ago. We use them so we don't get busted by Marcel for doing magic. The one she used is called the Needle of Sorrows. It was cursed in 1860 when... Klaus: Jump ahead a few decades and tell us what it does, love? Sophie: It has only one purpose: to kll a child in utero by raising her blood temperature. [Klaus and Elijah are both stunned and furious] Elijah: It's for a miscarriage. [Sophie nods] Elijah: So, how much time do we have to fix this? Sophie: It will do what it's meant to by tonight's high tide. And believe me, it will work. I saw her use a similar object on a kid who went mad and klled a bunch of priests. Klaus: I'd like to have a chat with this Agnes. Where can I find her? Sophie: You won't! There are a thousand places she could hole up to wait it out. Elijah: That's precisely why we need to unlink you from Hayley. No more danger toward her or the child. Sophie: [shakes head in confusion] No, what? If I am not linked to Hayley, I lose my leverage on you. We had a deal! Elijah: We are not on the same side, Sophie Deveraux. Our deal no longer stands! [Sophie is outraged] THE GARDEN [Marcel hands Thierry, who is sitting on a step, a canteen of blood, and sits down beside him] Thierry: Does this mean you're pardoning me? Marcel: Aw, you know I can't do that. You broke my number one rule, you klled a vampire, T. I let that go, it'll make me look weak. Thierry: [chugs blood] I warned you about Klaus. Marcel: Yeah, I should've listened. This guy's been in my town for months, but hiding where he lays his head at night. What else is he hiding, is what I want to know! I didn't listen to you before, but I sure as hell am now. Tell me what happened the night that got you put in here, and you might find yourself out by Mardi Gras. Thierry: The night of the Masquerade Party, you sent us rousting in the Cauldron to mess with the witches. So, when Max came in rousting, he went straight for Katie's throat. Now, you said to roust, you didn't say to kll. Now, he's a nightwalker. I'm a daywalker. I told him to stop, and he wouldn't. So I stopped him. That night's on endless loop in my head. I think Max was compelled. Marcel: No. All my guys are on vervain. Thierry: Not if Klaus drained him! Max went missing for a couple days before the rousting, right? Marcel: T, they found stuff you and your girl stole from me in her shop. Thierry: Have you ever been in the Jardin Gris? You can't find your own hand in front of your face in there! And yet somehow, someone went in there, and after a couple minutes, found some stolen goods? [Marcel wipes at his face anxiously, but he is obviously considering Thierry's words] Thierry: Go there! See for yourself! But I'm telling you, besides Max, somebody else in the crew had to be compelled. Watch your back. [takes another swig from the canteen] ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH [Father Kieran has put up a "Substance Abuse Anonymous" sign in order to meet with some city officials] Mayor: So, a few tourists go missing. Okay, we can spin it, no problem. But do you know how hard it is to sell a gas leak story to the city council when a bunch of church windows magically explode? Father Kieran: Mr. Mayor, what is this, an electoral debate? Marcel overstepped, I will handle it. [Klaus enters through front doors] Klaus: Easier said than done. Marcel is quite the little warrior. [Police officer tries to stop him, but Klaus breaks his fingers] Mayor: Who the hell are you? Klaus: My name is Klaus. And you lot are the Faction. Pillars of the community who maintain the city's supernatural balance. Well, I should know. I created this group. Only, in my day, it was a bunch of pirates and corrupt politicians. [looks around at all the men] Looks like nothing's changed. Kieran: One thing has: it's exclusively human now. No vampires allowed, especially no Originals. Klaus: [laughs] I haven't come to join! I've come to ask this group to utilize it's considerable resources to find a witch Elder called Agnes. All I need is an address. Kieran: And, uh, why would we want to help you? Klaus: What if I told you that Agnes was the answer to a question you've been asking since you ran screaming from this town? That she is the witch who hexed your nephew, Sean? Kieran: We'd need some time to discuss-- Klaus: I DON'T. HAVE. TIME. [Kieran chuckles] Klaus: Nor do I like being asked to wait. Kieran: You may have all the vampires in this town cowering in fear, but right now, you are dealing with the humans. And unless you plan on klling all of us, I politely suggest you do as I say, and give us time to discuss it. [gestures widely to the other men in the room] Klaus: [leans in and lowers voice] You know what I like about you, Father? Is you're aware of our reputation, and yet still, you stand tall against me. [bat] Admirable! You have one hour. [turns to leave] Kieran: [speaks once Klaus is gone] I want that witch. Cell phone records, our guys in the 9th. Mayor: For the vampire? Kieran: [sighs] No. For me. DAVINA'S ATTIC ROOM [Davina continues to work on the unlinking spell Elijah gave her. She holds her hands over the knot and reads from the page] Davina: Phesmatos omnio legares coldate sangorium. [Davina stares at the knot, which doesn't change. She exhales in frustration and runs her hand through her hair before angrily hitting her easel] MIKAELSON MANSION [Hayley lays in bed as Rebekah blots sweat from her forehead and chest] Rebekah: Stop fussing, will you? Elijah will be here any minute. Hayley: I feel like I've been microwaved. Rebekah: Hey! Just because you're carrying a baby, doesn't mean you get to act like one! I'm sure my little niece is healing you up as we speak. [Elijah runs in with Sophie. Rebekah stands to greet them] Rebekah: What the hell is she doing here? Sophie: [sighs] I'm trying to help. Rebekah: Help? You're the reason we're in this bloody mess! Why aren't we unlinked with this witch already, Elijah? Elijah: Rebekah, let her do what she can. Sophie: I may know a way to slow the fever down. But, I'm gonna need some special herbs. [to Rebekah] I'll text you a list. [Elijah nods at her in encouragement, and she finally relents] Rebekah: [smiles patronizingly] Fine. Happy to play the fetch girl. [Rebekah stomps out of the room, and shoves the towel she was using into Elijah's chest as she leaves] JARDIN GRIN VOODOO SHOP [Rebekah frantically rfles through bottles and jars, looking for the herbs she needs to help Hayley, when Marcel walks in] Marcel: Isn't this Katie's shop? [Rebekah stops, rolls her eyes, and sighs as she goes back to looking for the herbs] Marcel: She leave you the keys in her will, or maybe it's just Help-Yourself Tuesday? [bat] What are you doing here? Rebekah: You know, I read if you mix mugwort with sage, you've got quite a vampire-repellant? Wards off even the most resilient pest. Why are you here? Marcel: Just keeping my city safe from thieves and vandals. But, everytime I turn around, I catch an Original with their hand in the cookie jar! Rebekah: Well, luckily for you, your "cookies" are the last thing on my mind. Marcel: Oh, I can see that! [walks toward her] Though, I can think of a time when things were different. Rebekah: Maybe once. Not anymore. [finds the herbs she needs] Camphor, found it! [quickly exits the shop] ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH [Father Kieran receives a text message from Chief Sullivan that reads, "3631 CHARBONNET ST. LOWER 9TH WARD." He puts his phone in his pocket and goes to leave, but he's stopped by Klaus] Klaus: Going somewhere? Father Kieran: [nervously] You're early. Klaus: Well, it's a good thing I am. You seem hell-bent on enacting vengeance all on your lonesome. The trouble is, I need something from Agnes before you send her off to meet her maker. So, I propose we strike a deal! [sits down in a pew] Bring her here! In exchange, I'll even ensure your niece, Cami, remains safe. Oh, I'd so hate for her to get caught up in all of this. [Later, Agnes is handcuffed and brought to the church by police officers] Agnes: This is outrageous! What is the charge? [The officers sit her in a pew and leave] Kieran: Please, Agnes. You know that Marcel runs the vampires in this town. [He is handed a folded cloth by the officer, which is revealed to hold the Needle of Sorrows] Kieran: Who do you think runs everything else? [holds the needle up and calls out to Klaus] I believe this is what you were looking for? Klaus: [zooms to Kieran's side] Hello, Agnes. Agnes: You made a deal with HIM? Kieran: After what you did to Sean, I'd deal with the devil himself just to make you suffer! Agnes: [stands up and gets in Kieran's face] You can't hurt me, the entire witch community will turn against you! Klaus: ENOUGH! Please, enough! I don't care about witch politics. I don't care about your ridiculous little Harvest ritual. What I care about is this trinket. [holds up Needle of Sorrows] Undo its curse, or I'll show you things worse than death! Agnes: [smirks] Dark objects don't come with an off-switch! The curse took root in Sophie, she's linked to your devil child. It's just a matter of time! MIKAELSON MANSION [Hayley is wrapped in a towel, sitting outside beside the swimming pool. Rebekah stands behind her, checking her temperature, while Elijah assists Sophie in helping with the herbs] Elijah: [removes his coat] She's burning up! We need to do this now. Sophie: Get her in the water! [Elijah jumps into the pool and helps Hayley in. Sophie mixes herbs in a cup and follows them in] Rebekah: I don't see how a midnight swim is supposed to help. Sophie: Her temperature is sky-high. The water, with the help of the herbs, should cool us down. [gets into the pool and hands Hayley a drink] Drink this! [to Elijah] You're going to have to get her heart rate down. Elijah: How do you suggest I do that? Sophie: Hold her. It's a natural human remedy to slow the heart rate and reduce blood pressure. Rebekah: This is never gonna work. Elijah: [holding Hayley bridal-style in the pool] Davina will break the link, we just need time. [Hayley clings to Elijah and groans as she gasps for breath] DAVINA'S ATTIC ROOM / MIKAELSON MANSION SWIMMING POOL [Davina is sitting on her bed, studying the spell intently. She stares at the sanguinum knot on her vanity, and after a moment, she stands up and walks over to it. She picks up the knot with both hands and takes a breath] Davina: [whispers] Phesmatos omnio legares cardate... [In the swimming pool, Hayley hyperventilates] Hayley: I can't breathe! Elijah: Okay, long deep breaths, Hayley! Look at me. Long deep breaths, just focus on the sound of my voice. [whispers] You'll be okay. You'll be okay. Davina: Phesmatos omnio legares cardate sangorium. [The clock on her table chimes as it hits 09:00PM] Hayley: AHHHH! AHHHH! [The knot in Davina's hands floats in the air and begins to unknot itself] [Sophie starts to gasp as the linking spell begins to lift. Hayley continues to groan in pain] [The knot completely unravels itself in midair, and Davina smiles and giggles in happiness] Sophie: [looks up at the sky] I just felt it lift. [Rebekah sighs in relief. Hayley starts to calm down, and Elijah looks stunned. Hayley stands up on her own, but still leans against Elijah. Sophie removes one of her earrings and pokes her palm with it. Hayley doesn't get injured. Elijah holds her hand and he and Hayley stare at each other. Rebekah notices their shared moment, so Elijah quickly lets go and leads Hayley out of the pool] Elijah: Come on, let's go. Sophie: Elijah...as soon as your brother finds out that the link is broken, he'll kll Agnes. I know you don't owe me anything, but please, don't let him kll her. [Elijah zooms out of the pool and pulls his phone out of his jacket on the table] Sophie: Elijah! She's our only access to the power we NEED to survive. Promise me that you'll stop him! Elijah: [dials a number into his phone and raises it to his ear] It's me, where are you? [bat] Don't hurt her. I'll be there shortly. [hangs up and turns to Sophie] I'll make you one last promise. I won't let my brother kll Agnes. [Sophie nods at him, and Elijah picks up his jacket and shoes and walks away. Sophie and Hayley turn to get out of the pool, but Hayley stops Sophie at the steps] Hayley: I know you were just using me to save your people, but try it again, and I'll kll you. [Hayley leaves, and Sophie sighs in defeat] MIKAELSON MANSION [Rebekah walks into Elijah's bedroom as he's finishing getting dressed in dry clothes, and stands in the doorway] Rebekah: [smiles] The unlinking worked! Maybe now we can make plans-- Elijah: Not now, Rebekah. Can we discuss this when I return? [walks toward the door in a hurry] Rebekah: [face turns serious] I won't be here when you return. Elijah: [stops walking and turns to Rebekah] That sounds like a goodbye. Rebekah: ...I guess it is. I only came to New Orleans to make sure you were safe. You are. I thought that I might be able to convince you to come with me, but here you are, rushing into whatever Klaus and Marcel and the witches have cooked up. And I finally get it. [tears up] You'll never leave this city. You'll never leave Klaus. Elijah: [looks at her, and then walks toward her] Then you should stay. Rebekah: [shakes head] This thing that you and Klaus and Marcel have, I want no part of it. [tears fall down her cheeks] I just want to be free. Elijah: [sadly] Well, then, go. [kisses her on the cheek] You are free! [Elijah leaves, and Rebekah tries to compose herself] THE ABBATOIR [Marcel finishes his drink as Rebekah walks into the room] Marcel: Rebekah. Twice in one night. To what do I owe the pleasure? Rebekah: Call me old-fashioned, but I believe farewells are best in person. Marcel: [inhales sharply] You got Elijah back, and now you two are gonna tuck-tail and run? Smart girl. [bat] Have a nice life. Rebekah: He's staying. And I'm not running, I'm disembarking a sinking ship. Marcel: People have been saying this city's been sinking since I was a boy. It ain't going anywhere. But hey! [grabs bottle of scotch] How 'bout one for the road? [pours a glass] Rebekah: Why? So you can liquor me up and convince me to stay? Marcel: [stands up and gets in her face] Why else did you come here? Rebekah: I came to say goodbye. Marcel: [whispers in her ear] Then say it. [The stare into each other's eyes for a moment] Rebekah: Forget it. [She turns to leave, but Marcel grabs her wrist and pulls him toward her, kissing her. She pushes him away and glares at him for a moment, but then runs up to him and starts kissing him. He pushes her away and they start to undress as they make out. Rebekah shoves him onto a chair and sits on his lap as they start to have sex] ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH [Klaus, Agnes, and Father Kieran are still arguing] Klaus: You're a piece of work, Agnes. But, guess what? I'm quite a piece of work myself. You know, I contemplated leaving bits of you artfully arranged outside your family's tomb? I thought it would leave a fitting message. [zooms over to Agnes and pulls her up into a chokehold] Don't. Touch. My. Family. [Elijah enters and approaches them] Elijah: Leave her. [Klaus pulls Agnes into a headlock and stands back as he watches Elijah walk down the aisle] Elijah: I gave my word. [Father Kieran stands up to greet Elijah] Klaus: You tend to give your word at the most inopportune times, brother. We've been doing things your way all day. Come on! Just one little snap and it's "Toodle-loo, Agnes." She deserves it! Elijah: Niklaus, don't make another move. You have asked for my forgiveness. I will grant you that forgiveness, but do not make me break my word. [Klaus glares at his brother as he considers it. After a moment, he lets Agnes go] Klaus: [opens arms wide] My noble brother, how was that for personal growth, eh? Still, it is just like you to spoil all of my fun. Elijah: [stares Agnes in the eyes] Oh, not exactly. [Elijah zooms over to one of the men who helped Agnes and rips his heart out, throws a second man up into the air, and does the same to a third as he rips out the man's heart. He turns to Klaus with a bloody heart in each hand, and drops them to the floor. He pulls out his pocket square to wipe his hands as Agnes stares in horror, and Klaus grins proudly behind her] Elijah: Now, I swore you would not die by my brother's hand. I said nothing of my own. [grabs Agnes in a chokehold and pushes her backwards] Nobody hurts my family and lives. [snaps her neck, and turns to leave] No one. THE ABBATOIR [Rebekah leans on the balcony railing and looks at the people on the street, wearing Marcel's button-up shirt. He comes up behind her and nuzzles at her neck] Rebekah: Mmm. I've been away from this home almost a hundred years, and you haven't changed a thing in my bedroom. Marcel: [smiles] I guess I was holding out hope that you'd come back to it. Though, I imagine it's not quite as comfortable as those beds at the Palace Royale Hotel. Rebekah: [smiles awkwardly] It's plenty comfortable! [turns to her bag] I'm famished! [She pulls an apple out of her bag and offers it to him] Marcel: Nah, apples aren't my thing. Rebekah: They were your favorite, one upon a time. Marcel, Ah, they were! I'd get my ass bat if I ever ate them working on that plantation. Even the spoiled ones. Now, they just remind me of a time when I couldn't have things. Rebekah: [leans against Marcel and grabs his arms] Well, now you can have whatever you want. [bat] Come with me. Marcel: And go where, Rebekah? Rebekah: Wherever we want to! We can build a home together, we can leave behind Klaus, this city, and those Orphan-Annie vampires... Marcel: Whoa, whoa, those "Orphan-Annie vampires" are my family, and this city is my home. Rebekah: It was my home, too, once. I left. Marcel: You ran. I stayed! This empire thrives because of me, and you want me to run? A man does not run from his home! Rebekah: I've lived a lot longer than you have, Marcellus. I have seen kings rise, and fall, but there is one thing I know to be true. It is that no matter how matter how big your empire becomes, it is nothing if you have no one to share it with. [she glares at him] You want New Orleans? Have it. I won't be here to stop you. [shoves the apple into his chest and leaves] [Marcel stares out at the street as he thinks about what just happened. It looks at the apple, and brings it to his nose to smell it] MIKAELSON MANSION [Josh has stopped by to find Klaus. Hayley answers the door] Josh: Where is he? I've been trying to find him all day. Marcel KNOWS that Klaus lied to him about where he lives. Hayley: I'm not his damn keeper, Josh. Josh: Fine! Just...tell him to call me, please. Hayley: Okay. [shuts door] [Josh walks away from the house, not knowing that Marcel is standing behind the tree, and has heard the entire conversation. Marcel sees a bunch of apples that have fallen from the apple tree and onto the ground. He picks one up, and we flashback to when Marcel was just a young boy, and was being whipped by a slavemaster. Young Marcel picks up an apple and lobs it at the man in anger. Marcel looks at the apple in his hand, and then looks over at the door] [Someone knocks on the door again. Hayley goes to answer, thinking it's Josh again, but it's Marcel] Hayley: Ugh, what the hell, Josh? [opens door to find Marcel and is startled] Marcel: [smiles] Hi there, I'm Marcel. I don't think we've met! [Hayley looks scared and angry] ROUSSEAU'S BAR [Cami is cleaning up at the bar when Klaus comes in to see her] Cami: What are you doing here? Klaus: Do you remember the promise I made you? Cami: Promise? No. [looks at Klaus, and his compulsion kicks in] Yes. You promised you'd find out what happened to Sean. Klaus: And I kept my word. Your twin brother's behavior was not born of natural causes. A witch hexed him to commit those mrder, and kll himself. Cami: I knew it. I knew he wasn't crazy. Who is this witch? Klaus: Well, you needn't trouble yourself over her. She's already paid for her actions in blood. Cami: Wait, what? You klled somebody? Klaus: Ah, well, I had a hand in the matter, yeah... [Cami slaps him in the face] Klaus: [frustrated] Forgive me if I'm a little surprised by your reaction-- Cami: How the hell am I supposed to react? You just made me culpable in a revenge mrder I never asked for! Klaus: I've been alive for a thousand years, and I can assure you, many people have died for far less! Besides, now you can find comfort in the truth! [awkwardly pats her arm] Cami: [shrugs away from him angrily] The truth? You compel me, you make me at peace with something that should be tearing me up inside! I don't know how, but I WILL undo whatever the hell it is you've done to me! And when I do, you're gonna wish you'd never laid eyes on me! [Klaus stares at her sadly for a moment, and the zooms away. A few seconds pass, and Cami suddenly forgets everything that just happened, due to Klaus' compulsion. OUTSIDE ROUSSEAU'S [Outside, Klaus angrily stomps away from the bar, but Marcel catches up with him] Marcel: Hey, where you been? [Klaus stops walking, and rolls his eyes in annoyance before turning to Marcel] Marcel: Not still mad about our tiff the other night, are you? Klaus: [smiles fakely] Water under the bridge. Marcel: Cami's all yours if you're interested. I'm feeling like right now's not the right time to pursue a relationship. Life's all about timing, you know? Speaking of, I swung by your house earlier to commiserate over a drink, but I must have just missed you. Klaus: Oh, the Palace Royale didn't suit me, I moved on weeks ago. Marcel: [smiles and shakes his head] Nooo, I mean your other place. MIKAELSON MANSION [Elijah comes home to find the house empty.] Elijah: [looks around] Hayley? OUTSIDE ROUSSEAU'S Marcel: Interesting location to put down your roots, the same plantation where I was a slve. I guess that's why you never invited me over. Klaus: Well, how rude of me. I'll speak to Elijah. I'm sure he'll be pleased to host you and Davina for the evening! Especially after you were so hospitable to him. [smiles] Marcel: [smiles and chuckles] Good! I look forward to it. [He and Klaus continue to shake hands, but as soon as Marcel leaves, Klaus' smile disappears and begins to look worried] MIKAELSON MANSION / REBEKAH'S RED CONVERTIBLE [Elijah calls Rebekah from the house, as she is on her way out of town in her car] Rebekah: [on speakerphone] Goodbye means goodbye, Elijah. Elijah: [worried] Is she with you? Rebekah: What the hell are you talking about? Elijah: Hayley's gone, where is she? Rebekah: WHAT? [Klaus walks into Hayley's room anxiously and joins Elijah] Klaus: Marcel was here. [Elijah looks stunned, and absently drops the phone from his ear] END CREDITS Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x06 - Fruit of the Poisoned Tree"}	foreverdreaming
Klaus (voiceover): My siblings and I are the first vampires in all of history, the Originals. Unlike them I am a hybrid, half vampire, half werewolf. 300 years ago we helped build New Orleans. Now we've returned. Drawn back by a coven of witches, who've thrat the woman carrying my child. Agnes: That baby will bring death to us all. Klaus (voiceover): My brother Elijah dealt with them. Elijah: No one hurts my family and lives. Klaus (voiceover): We thought Hayley would be safe. Marcel: I am Marcel. I don't think we've met. Elijah: Hayley's gone. Where is she? Rebekah: What? Klaus: Marcel was here. Klaus (voiceover): We were wrong. ABATTOIR: Fight Night - "You know how sentimental I am about old friends." [In the courtyard of the Abattoir, hundreds of vampires have concregated in a crowd as they talk to each other and drink. Marcel appears on a balcony.] Marcel: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Fight Night! And, the first rule of Fight Night is: The vampire left standing at the end of the night is one step closer to the inner circle, and one of these [holds up hand], a daylight ring. If you can impress me with a little ultra-volence, you too can enjoy the warmth of the sun on your face. All you got to do is kick a little ass. Here we go! [All the vampires form a circle as they wait for the announcement of the fighters] Marcel: Our first two contenders: Felicia and Otto! [Felicia and Otto fight, as the rest of the vampires cheer them on. At one point it appears that Otto has the upper-hand, but ultimately Felicia wins the fight.] Marcel: Damn, girl! Not bad! [Suddenly, Klaus and Elijah enter the courtyard. Klaus walks behind Felicia and snaps her neck. The whole room goes silent] Klaus: Good evening! I'd like a word. Marcel: What do you think you're doing? Elijah: It appears that we've interrupted a collection of filthy amateurs! We've come here for the girl. Give it to us or ... we kll everyone here. Starting with you. Marcel: You two got a lot of nerve, coming into my home and making demands. Klaus: Your home, is it? Elijah: The girl! I will not ask again. Marcel: I assume you're talking about Hayley? Yea high, dark hair, bitchy attitude? Who is she, anyway? Klaus: She's an old friend. You know how sentimental I am about old friends. Marcel: Well, I ain't got her. And before you start whining, I did pay her a little visit earlier tonight. I was feeling nostalgic, so I took a trip out to the plantation where I used to be a slve. And, imagine my surprise when I realized that the Original family of vampires had taken up residence. Your girl, Hayley, answered the door, we exchanged hellos, that was it. You don't believe me? Look around. Hell, I'll even help you find her. But the question that I'd ask is: if Hayley isn't here, then where is she? THE BAYOU--TYLER'S CAR - "Shut up." [Hayley wakes up in the trunk of an SUV with her wrists bound. She tries to kick out the back window to escape. Tyler stops the car and gets out to check the trunk. When he opens it, he tries to grab her, but she fights back by kicking at him] Tyler: Seriously? Hayley: Tyler? Tyler: You don't wanna fight me, Hayley. You know you can't bat a hybrid. [He zipties her ankles so she can't run away] Hayley: Aahh! Let me go, you backstabbing half-breed piece of shi- Tyler: Shut up! [Tyler pulls Hayley out of the trunk and throws her over his shoulder. As he walks down the road, his hybrid eyes come out due to his anger and frustration] STARTING CREDITS ABATTOIR: Fight Night - "You do realize they can hear you?" - "You do realize I don't care?" [Elijah and Klaus are sitting in the backyard.] Elijah: Not the most attractive community, are they? Klaus: You do realize they can hear you? Elijah: You do realize I don't care? [Marcel appears, followed by some vampires, and the witch, Sabine] Marcel: You know, Elijah, I liked you better in that box. [turns to Klaus] But Klaus, my sire, you I owe the world, and I always show respect to my elders. If your special lady friend is missing, you could benefit from the help of a witch. And, since I control all the witches in this town, I'll grant you one little locator spell. Sabine's the best guide in the Quarter. Need to find someone? I guarantee, she's your girl. [Marcel turns to leave them to their business] Klaus: Where are you going? Marcel: I hate to cut this short, but the sun's coming up soon. My nightwalkers need to get inside, and I have got a city to run. I leave you to track down your lost sheep. Elijah: [to Sabine] Can you find her? Sabine: I can try. THE BAYOU--WEREWOLF ENCAMPMENTS [Tyler drops Hayley on the front stoop of a little shack] Hayley: What is this place? Tyler: The armpit of Louisiana. [Tyler pulls a Knfe out of his pocket] Hayley: What are you gonna do with that? Tyler: Depends on you. [He cuts the zipties on her ankles] Hayley: Hey, you attcked me, remember? You ambushed me, in my own backyard. Tyler: It's not your backyard, it's Klaus'! You're shacked up in that mansion with that psycho. A long way from the girl I've met in the Appalachians, helping other werewolves. Hayley: Tyler, I'm sorry, but a lot has happened since the last time I saw you. Tyler: You mean that you're pregnant? A hybrid baby, yeah, I know all about it. I've been roaming around the bayou, asking questions. Let me tell you what I learned! [He pulls down Hayley's sweater-sleeve so we can see the birthmark on her shoulder] This crescent birthmark means you come from a big-sht family. Some kind of royalty for the werewolves of this region. And right here [gestures around him], this is all that's left of them. [They both look around, and see more shacks and tents made of blankets. Hayley spots a girl standing nearby] Hayley: Hey! [The woman is startled and immediately runs away] Hayley: Help me! Tyler: They can't help you! They're in the woods, hiding, because they were persecuted for decades by vampires. [Another werewolf, Dwayne, appears] Dwayne: Is that her? Tyler: Yeah, Dwayne. Get her inside. Hayley: Tyler? Tyler! ABATTOIR--COURTYARD [Sabine waves her hands over a map, where a puddle of Klaus' blood traces from their current location, to where Hayley is in the bayou] Sabine: She's in the back country. Way up, past Houma, deep in the bayou. Elijah: I don't suppose you could be more precise? Klaus: What's the matter, Elijah? You're worried a bit of splashing about in the bog might ruin your expensive shoes? Elijah: As a matter of fact, after my recent confinement, I could use a decent stroll through the countryside. Sabine: There are stories of exiled werewolves, encampments. If Hayley went out that far, chances are she went to find them. Klaus: Clearly, she hopes to make the acquaintance of more like herself. I suppose our company wasn't good enough for her. [Elijah looks at Sabine worriedly] NIGHTWALKER BAR [Josh is sitting at a table, drinking and watching a group of vampires play drinking games, when Marcel approaches him] Marcel: You could always join them, you know. Josh: Uh, drinking games? It's not really my thing. It kind of reminds me of the jocks in my high school. We had a pretty high quota of what you'd call "douche-nozzles." Marcel: [smiles] Bullies, huh? Josh: Yeah. Marcel: Wonder what'd happen if you saw those guys now. I bet you'd tear them apart, right? Josh: Ah, yeah, totally. Ha probably go all vamp ninja on them. Marcel: Hahaha! You're a funny guy, Josh. In fact, I thought it was really funny last night, you know, seeing you at that plantation where Klaus is staying. [Josh quickly gets up and goes to run away, but is blocked by several other vampires] Marcel: Oh, hoho, hahaha! You going somewhere, Josh? THE BAYOU--WEREWOLF ENCAMPMENTS [Klaus and Elijah continue their search for Hayley near the werewolf encampments] Klaus: You seem quite determined to find the little wolf. Elijah: If I'm moving too fast for you, Niklaus, you're welcome to wait in the car. Do be certain to leave the windows down. Klaus: Ah, so I've touched a nerve? You've gn to admire this girl. Perhaps that's why you've been barking orders since your return, hoping to impress Hayley by assuming the role of family patriarch. Elijah: If you're going to insist on treating her like a walking incubator, then that's your mistake! [Klaus sniffs and looks around] Elijah: Have you found her scent? Klaus: No, but I found someone else's. This vehicle reeks of someone I thought I was rid of...Tyler Lockwood. Elijah: And why would your little hybrid-sidekick from Mystic Falls have any interest in Hayley? Klaus: He wants revenge because I went after his girl. Elijah: Why do I suspect this is the least of your offenses? Klaus: Back when I had the means to sire hybrids, he was my first, Although, I didn't give him much choice in the matter. [Klaus pulls a blanket out of the abandoned car and sniffs at it] Klaus: He was loyal in the beginning, but he grew insubordinate, turned my other hybrids against me. I couldn't have that, so I massacred the lot of them. Tyler ran like a coward before I could finish him off. Elijah: Anything else that you would like to share? Klaus: Well, there was this business with his mum. Elijah: [incredulous] You klled his mother. Wonderful. Klaus: He needed to be taught a lesson! Elijah: And what lesson will you be taught, Niklaus, if he retaliates by harming Hayley? Klaus: So you do care about her. Well, go on, then. Have at it, brother. Save her. Claim what spoils you can. I've sampled what she has to offer and let me tell you, she is exquisite-- Elijah: Niklaus, so help me... Klaus: Enough. I'll kll Tyler Lockwood myself. [Klaus vamp-runs away to find Tyler] DAVINA'S ATTIC ROOM [Marcel enters the attic with a large canvas bag thrown over his shoulder] Davina: Marcel, something is happening. There is a witch doing magic in the Quarter. Marcel: Oh, no worries, that one is Marcel-approved! Besides... [He drops the large sack on the floor] Marcel: Got something else for you to handle! [Marcel opens the bag to reveal Josh inside. Josh gets his bearings, and when he sees Davina, he gets scared] Josh: Oh, no. Y-you're the super witch. Marcel: [to Davina] Say hi to Josh. Davina: Why would you bring him here? Marcel: Josh has a problem. Klaus compelled him to spy on me. [Marcel forces Josh to sit in a chair] Josh: Agh! Marcel: I can't have that. So I thought: "I'll just kll Josh..." Josh: Marcel, please! It's not my fault! Marcel:...then I thought: "klling a vampire, that would be breaking my own rule." Smart thing to do is to flip Josh, that way, he can tell Klaus whatever I want. He could even spy for me. All we gotta do is wipe away that compulsion. So, what do you think? Davina: I can make him forget what Klaus told him. But, the more Klaus said, the more it is gonna hurt. Marcel: Hm, probably gonna hurt a lot. Josh? Josh: I-I'll do it, anything, yes. [bat] How much pain are we talking? [Davina holds up a hand and starts to remove Josh's compulsion. His vision starts to blur, and he begins to shout out in agony] THE BAYOU--DWAYNE'S SHACK [Hayley is alone in the shack, ziptied to a fre stove, when Tyler walks in and joins her] Hayley: Tyler, there's been a wolf watching me lately. Protecting me, like it instinctively knows that I'm part of it's pack. [bat] You're a hybrid, you can turn into a wolf whenever you want. Was it you? Tyler: [confused] No, but you're right, only hybrids can control when they change. And I'm the only one left, besides Klaus. Which is why we're here. Hayley: Whatever you think you're doing, you know that whole Original family has made some sort of pact, or something, to keep me and the baby safe. So, if you hurt me, they'll kll you. Tyler: What makes you think I'm afraid to die? [Dwayne walks into the shack and joins them] Tyler: [to Dwayne] You ready for this? Dwayne: [nods] Let's do it. [Tyler digs in a bag and draws out a large syringe] Hayley: [scared] What are you doing? [Dwayne walks over and holds Hayley down. Tyler crouches down in front of her] Hayley: Tyler, please, NO, Tyler! Tyler: Klaus destroyed everything good in my life! So, I'm gonna take away the thing he wants most! Hayley: NO, PLEASE, TYLER, PLEASE! [Tyler jams the syringe into Hayley's stomach and draws out a measure of her blood. Hayley screams in pain. One he removes the syringe from her body, he jams it into Dwayne's neck, injects the blood into him, and snaps his neck as Hayley watches in horror] ST. ANNE'S CATHOLIC CHURCH [Marcel is walking out from dropping of Josh in Davina's room, and is about to leave when he notices someone's presence and stops] Marcel: I thought you were leaving town! Couldn't stay away, huh? [Rebekah comes out of nowhere and slams him onto the floor as she holds her stiletto-heel-clad foot against his neck] Rebekah: I was half past Louisiana when I found out you invde our home. What have you done with Hayley? Marcel: You're so hot when you're angry. [Rebekah lifts Marcel up and throws him against the nearby wall. He bounces off and falls into a heap on the floor] Marcel: Ahh. Rebekah: You used me! Marcel: [gets up] I'm pretty sure that was mutual. Rebekah: Beguiled by your charms, I slept with you, like a fool, led you to our home, and then you took Hayley? Marcel: Whoa, I didn't take anybody! Alright? I already sorted this out with your brothers. But, it begs the question: Why'd you come back? Rebekah: If Klaus learns it's MY fault you found your way to the plantation-- Marcel: [interrupts her] You really think I'd rat you out? Come on! [caresses her face] If you think that I'd ever, in a thousand years, do ANYTHING to hurt you, you've got me confused with Klaus. Rebekah: All your charms and flirtations simply prove that you're every bit the liar and manipulator that Klaus is. Marcel: [slightly hurt] Is that what you really think? Rebekah: By all means, prove me wrong. Marcel: Fine. Come on, there's something that you need to see. [Marcel turns to leave, and Rebekah reluctantly follows him] THE BAYOU--DWAYNE'S SHACK [Tyler lifts Dwayne's dad body up off the floor and drags him over to the other side of the room] Tyler: Don't get all judgy! Dwayne knew what he was getting into. He volunteered! Hayley: For you to kll him? Tyler: Dwayne is a werewolf who died with YOUR blood in his system. The same blood you share with your hybrid baby. Hayley: [realizes what he's doing] You're trying to turn him into a hybrid! That's impossible! Tyler: I've been running with wolf packs all over the country. One of them was tight with a witch. She had nightmare visions about your baby and how Klaus could use it's blood to make an army of hybrid slaves. Hayley: [furious] I am SICK of these witches and their premonitions about my baby. It's just a baby! Tyler: Maybe. Maybe not. That's where Dwayne comes in. You see, he was happy to be the test case. If you haven't noticed, these people don't have much to live for! They'd ALL welcome the chance to become the superior species. Trouble is, all hybrids are sired to Klaus. They follow his every move. [grabs Knfe from his bag and sets it on the table] No way I let that happen. Hayley: How can you be so sure Klaus knows what the baby's blood will do? Tyler: What do you think? Klaus Mikaelson, kller of men, women and puppies, all of a sudden wants to be a daddy? Or, he's got an ulterior motive. Hybrids can walk in the sun, their bite is lethal to vampires. They'll take over New Orleans by the end of the week. And you know what's going to stop Klaus then? Nothing. [Dwayne awakens with a gasp and starts freaking out] Tyler: [looks at Hayley, but talks to Dwayne] You're gonna have to feed on her. [Tyler picks up the Knfe and walks toward her to cut her neck] Hayley: What? No! Ahhhhh! Tyler: Do it. [Dwayne walks over to Hayley and feeds on her, despite her cries. After a moment, Dwayne stops feeding, and falls to the floor in pain. Tyler pushes him outside and leaves to tend to him. Hayley notices the Knfe on the ground and strains to reach for it. When she can't reach it, she grabs a broken chair leg from the floor. Outside, Dwayne convulses] Tyler: [shouting] Look at me! Look at me! [Dwayne starts to calm down, and eventually lies still] Tyler: You're okay! [Dwaynes hybrid eyes emerge, and he smiles] Dwayne: I'm better than okay. DAVINA'S ATTIC [Josh continues to lay in the fetal position while Davina works on wiping Josh's mind of Klaus' compulsion. Davina rolls her eyes and stops for a moment] Davina: I'm sorry, but it's just gonna get worse. Klaus' compulsion runs deep. [She kneels down and helps Josh back into the chair] Davina: You need to think of something else. Take your mind off it. [bat] Do you like music? Josh: [still panting from the pain] What? I can't think of music right now. [Davina sighs] Why? I dunno, maybe because you're giving me a Voodoo lobotomy! [Davina shruhs in agreement] Davina: Do you like jazz? [Josh sighs in frustration] So, what then? Josh: [sighs] Club stuff. [sees Davina's confused face] House, trance. You know, "uhnse uhnse uhnse uhnse?" Davina: I'm a witch, I'm not Amish! It's just, I'm only sixteen, I don't go to clubs. Josh: When I was sixteen, I'd been to, like, a hundred clubs. [bat] God, that was only four years ago. It feels like another life. All I wanted to do is meet boys. Things are so much more complicated. Now, all I want to do is meet boys, feed on people's blood, get one of those daylight rings so I don't burn in the sunlight. [sarcastically] All perfectly normal things. [As Davina listens to him talk, she walks over to her table, where Tim's violin is still resting from when Elijah fixed it] Davina: I like the classics. Puccini, Bach, Mozart. I took piano, not that it matters, while I'm stuck here. Josh: Why not? Davina: Marcel's worried that someone could hear. It's not his fault, he just wants to keep me safe. Josh: [confused] Safe from what? Davina: Basically, a coven of psycho witches wants to sacrifice me in a blood ritual. Josh: [laughs dryly] Oh! Wow, okay, uhhh...I'm sorry? Davina: Don't be. I'm going to destroy them all. And once they're gone, everything will go back to normal. I'll have my old life back! [smiles] [Josh smiles sadly at her] THE BAYOU--DWAYNE'S SHACK [Tyler returns to the shack after Dwayne's transformation] Hayley: It worked, didn't it? He's a hybrid. Tyler: If Klaus gets ahold of you, if he gets that kid--he wins. Hayley: Then help me hide the baby from him! [Tyler walks over and picks the Knfe up off the floor] Hayley: Help me run! Tyler: He'll find you, he'll take your kid away, and he'll make more hybrid monsters. Slaves who do everything he says. Hayley: [terrified] Tyler, whatever you're thinking of doing, there has to be another way. You're not like this! [When Tyler shakes his head and continues to walk toward her, she sab him in the gut with the broken chair leg. Tyler screams in pain and pulls the stake out] Tyler: That was stupid! [He starts to walk toward Hayley again when Dwayne walks in] Dwayne: Get away from her! Tyler: What do you care? Dwayne: I said get away! Tyler: You got what you wanted, now get lost! Hayley: [desperately] Dwayne, he's gonna kll me! And he's gonna kll you, too, he said that hybrids are too dangerous to live! You NEED to stop him! Tyler: SHUT UP! [Dwayne comes behind Tyler and tosses him across the room. He lands on the floor, and when he gets up, Dwayne runs to tackle him. Hayley sees that Tyler dropped the Knfe within reach, and uses it to cut herself free. Tyler eventually overpowers Dwayne and rips his heart out. When he turns back toward Hayley, he sees that she's escaped, and becomes furious] [Hayley runs as fast as she can through the woods, Tyler's Knfe still in hand, and stops to hide behind a tree. As she catches her breath, she hears someone approaching. She braces herself, readies her Knfe, and turns to attck, but it's just Elijah. He holds her hand steady to protect himself.] Elijah: Forgive me! I thought you were in danger, it appears I was mistaken. [smiles] [Hayley sighs in relief and dives into Elijah's arms. The two hug for a long moment before Hayley eventually pulls away] Hayley: You will not believe the crap day I'm having. Elijah: I'll take you home. [He turns to leave, but Hayley stops him] Hayley: Elijah, there's something you need to know about the baby. [Meanwhile, Tyler continues to look for Hayley in various tents] Tyler: HAYLEY! Don't make this harder than it has to be! Give up now...I'll end it quick. [Klaus appears behind him] Klaus: Quite an offer! Though, not one I'll be extending to you. Tyler: [braces himself for a fight] Klaus. Klaus: Hello, Tyler. You look well! I aim to change that. [smiles] thrat a pregnant girl in order to exact revenge against me. I never expected you to sink so low! [walks toward Tyler] I admit, I'm impressed! [Tyler ducks away from Klaus and puts more distance between them] Tyler: Used to hang out with you, I guess something must have rubbed off. Klaus: What would Caroline say if she saw what you've become? Perhaps I'll ask her, when I call her to tell her of your demise. Tyler: [smiles] Whatever happens to me, Caroline's NEVER going to stop hating you! [Klaus' face goes cold, and he runs to toss Tyler over and into a tree] Klaus: [bellows] Come on, mate! Give it a bit more effort! I want to enjoy myself. [Tyler glares at Klaus and braces himself to fight, but at the last minute, he vamp-runs away. Klaus smiles, and waits for a moment before chasing after him] THE GARDEN [Marcel leads Rebekah into the Garden, and gestures at a vampire guard to leave them alone. Rebekah stares around in confusion and mild horror] Rebekah: What is this place? Marcel: [gestures around them] This is the Garden. It's where I punish vampires who break my rules. [he pulls some blueprints out of a little hole in the wall] But, a long time ago, it used to be something else. [He spreads out the blueprints and shows them to Rebekah] Marcel: Go on, tell me what you see. Rebekah: Two stories, Greek columns, wrap-around porch. High ceilings, transem windows. It's lovely. So what? Marcel: So, I designed it for you. It was going to be ours. Rebekah: [stunned] That, this...was supposed to be our happily-ever-after? Marcel: Yours, and mine. [puts the blueprints away] Except you flew the coop with Klaus. I already built the foundation for the place. I halted constructions after you took off. The plan was to wait for you to return. You never did, so, now it's where I bury the people who betray me. Rebekah: You could have come after me! Marcel: You were with Klaus! I didn't know where, I didn't know if you still wanted to be with me! All you had to do was come home! Rebekah: It was more complicated than that. Not long after we left here, he put a dagger in my heart and stuck me in a box for NINETY YEARS. He stole a century for me, like it was nothing! Marcel: That's what he does, Rebekah! Klaus will never be happy. He'll be damned if he lets anyone get something that HE can't have! Rebekah: I know! I've been dancing to this song for a thousand years! Marcel: Starting right now, you have a choice, between the brother who takes away your happiness whenever he feels like it, and the man who wants to give you anything you ever wanted. [The two stare at each other for a long moment] Rebekah: He will kll you in front of my eyes out of spite. Marcel: [shakes head] Not if we get rid of him, first. [Rebekah looks at him in shock at what he's proposing] THE BAYOU--MIDDLE OF THE WOODS [Hayley is sitting against a tree as she tells Elijah what she's learned. Elijah paces anxiously as he listens] Hayley: Klaus must have known, that's the only explanation! He could care less about the baby, he just wants her to be born so he can use her to make more sired hybrids. [She looks at Elijah, and they share a look before Elijah looks away, troubled by Hayley's news] Hayley: Although...the way that Dwayne was acting...it was more like he was sired to me. [They both continue to think about the implications] Elijah: I should take you home. Hayley: Are you serious? Home to what? Elijah: Look, regardless of my brother's intentions, mine remain the same. I said that I would protect you, even, if need be, from Klaus himself. Hayley: I can take care of myself. I've done it for a long time. [Hayley gets up and walks away. After a moment, Elijah follows her.] [Meanwhile, in the werewolf encampments, Klaus wanders around and checks random tents to find Tyler] Klaus: Is this your idea of revenge, Tyler? A grueling game of hide-and-seek? [Tyler runs up behind Klaus and sab him through the chest with a stake. Klaus yells in pain and backhands Tyler away, before he pulls the stake out of his chest and readies himself to fight back] Klaus: [glares at Tyler] Let's end this, shall we? [The two continue to glare at each other. Before they lunge forward to fight, their hybrid eyes and fangs emerge. Tyler tackles Klaus, and they both roll down a small hill and land in front of Dwayne's shack. Tyler punches Klaus in the face, so Klaus grabs him in a chokehold] Klaus: How dare you! Tyler: I'm just getting started. [Tyler stakes him in the side, and Klaus groans in pain] Klaus: You've grown bloodthirsty. Perhaps it's best your mother didn't live to see you like this, hahahahaha! [Tyler gets more enraged and begins to pummel Klaus in the face. Klaus grabs his fist, flips him over so Klaus is on top of him, and stakes Tyler in the chest with the stake that was stuck in his side. Tyler moans in pain, and they both get back on their feet] Klaus: It's sad, really. I thought I made you better. Turns out you're quite the disappointment. [Tyler pulls the stake out of his chest and throws it aside] Tyler: I guess I'm another one of your failures. Like how you FAILED at making hybrids, how you FAILED your family! [approaches Klaus and smiles] Now it looks like you're going to fail your own kid! [Klaus grabs Tyler by the throat and pushes him against a tree] Klaus: And thus ends your tedious little life. At least it was brief! [He jams his hand into Tyler's chest and grabs his heart as Tyler shouts in agony] Tyler: Do it! You're never gonna break me! Only thing you can do is kll me, so go on! Go on, get it over with! Klaus: [chuckles] Ahhh, you want me to end your suffering, don't you, hmm? I did break you! Took everything from you, and now you're begging me to sweep away the shards of your shattered little life. [He stares at him for a moment, and just when Tyler thinks Klaus is about to kll him, he pulls his empty hand out of his chest and chokes Tyler momentarily] Klaus: Death offers more peace than you deserve. It's better to let you live. And each morning, you will wake knowing your wretched existence continues only by my will. [starts to compel him] Now go, and live the rest of your days knowing that you are NOTHING to me. [Klaus lets him go, and leaves him in agony by himself] THE GARDEN [Rebekah and Marcel continue to talk] Rebekah: Do you know how many fools have tried to vanquish my brother? If you stand against him, he will kll you, and it will be awful, and bloody, and I will not stand around and watch. [She turns to leave, but Marcel stops her] Marcel: You forget, I have a secret wapon. Davina, the most powerful witch in the last couple centuries! What if she can find a way to kll him? Rebekah: You don't know, do you? You can't kll Klaus! Not without dying yourself. We learned it from the deaths of my brothers Kol and Finn, if an Original dies, every vampire ever made from their line dies with them. Even if you kll Klaus, he'll still win! It's been that way for a thousand years, that's his trick. He ALWAYS wins. Marcel: There's another way. Rebekah: What would that be? Marcel: We bury him, down here, forever. Rebekah: Are you mad? This little chamber of horrors may work for your riff-raff, but do you really think it will hold my brother? Marcel: Isn't it worth the risk? You know I'm right! Klaus will never stop trying to control you! Rebekah: And I'm supposed to believe that, after a century, suddenly you're willing to risk death at his hands to be with me? Marcel: I want to defend my home. I wanna be free. And if that means I get to be with you, all the more reason to bury him. Now, you tell me; what do you want? [Rebekah stares at him, but says nothing] THE BAYOU--DWAYNE'S SHACK [Klaus is waiting at the shack when Elijah and Hayley to return. He shoves Dwayne's dad body in front of them] Klaus: There you are! I see you've found our wandering stray. Perhaps you could shed some light on the situation. This [kicks the body over] appears to be a hybrid. Hayley: His name was Dwayne. Klaus: Well, whoever it was, I didn't sire him. Any idea how that's possible? Hayley: [stomps toward him] As if you didn't know! [Elijah holds Hayley back and walks in front of her to protect her from Klaus] Klaus: Ahhh, well, aren't you two fast friends? Oh, come on, then. What kind of horrible accusation have you conspired to levy against me? Elijah: Tyler Lockwood brought Hayley here to test a theory. [Klaus nods at him to continue] That the blood of her child could be used to sire hybrids. He claims that you knew that. Futhermore, that you intended to use this knowledge to build an army. Klaus: [hurt and angry] And, of course, you assume it's true. I mean, why else would I show interest in my own flesh and blood? A heartbroken little crybaby points his finger at me, and my own brother falls in line, eager to believe it! How quickly you believe the worst, especially when it comes from her. Elijah: Oh, spare me your indignation. When have you ever demonstrated any kind of concern towards Hayley or her child, beyond your own selfish pursuits? And what was it you once said to me? [does Klaus impersonation] "Every king needs an heir!" Klaus: My big brother, so, you doubt my intentions? Well, I can't say I'm surprised, standing next to the noble Elijah, how can I be anything but the lesser brother? A liar, a manipulator, a bastard. [The two stare at each other as Klaus approaches him. Elijah seems to be reconsidering his position] Klaus: That's all I am to you, isn't it? And Rebekah. And, judging by the way Hayley hangs on your every word, it's clear she feels the same way! [bat] No doubt my child will as well. Elijah: [more kindly] Brother, if-- Klaus: [interrupts] You've said all that needs to be said, Brother. [steps back a few steps and holds his arms out in defeat] I'll play the role I've been given. [He turns to walk away, but vamp-runs over to Elijah and bites him savagely on the neck. Hayley screams in horror and runs over to him] Klaus: [wipes his mouth with his hand] You two enjoy each other's company. You'll have much to bond over, once the hallucinations and dementia set in. Consider that bite to be my parting gift to you both. [Klaus walks away, leaving Elijah and Hayley to fend for themselves] DAVINA'S ATTIC [Josh is laying on Davina's floor, sweating and pale, after being subjected to Davina's spell all day. He pants and groans as he pushes himself onto his elbows] Davina: [kneels next to Josh on the floor] That's it. You're free! Josh: [smiles] You're right! I can feel it. [Davina giggles] Before, I was always thinking about what Klaus would want me to do. Now, I'm like, "Screw that guy!" [Josh starts to laugh hysterically in happiness] Josh: Klaus Mikaelson can suck it! [continues laughing] [Davina frowns, which Josh notices] Josh: What, what's that look for? Davina: Marcel wants me to make you forget about me. Josh: Oh, you don't have to do that! I, like, owe you my life! [Davina smiles weakly at him] I'll keep your secret! Besides, it's kind of nice, just talking to someone normal again. Davina: You think I'm normal? I'm a sixteen year old witch, living in an attic like some kind of freak. Josh: I'm a gay club kid who died and came back as a vampire. Yeah, normal's kind of relative, you know? [they both laugh, and Josh extends his pinky to her] Here, pinky swear on it. THE BAYOU-- DWAYNE'S SHACK [Elijah and Hayley look around the abandoned shack. Hayley shuffles through old photos] Hayley: You don't have to help. I can dig through the werewolf antique show on my own. Besides, [looks at his neck wound] shouldn't you put some kind of ointment, or something, on that? Elijah: The bite won't k*ll me. Like Niklaus himself, it's more than a nuisance than anything. Hayley: Good, 'cause I'm eventually going to need a ride home. [smiles] And thanks, by the way, for staying out here. You didn't have to. Elijah: I know. But, you said the people of this village are the only family you have left. I can relate. Hayley: You're thinking about Klaus. Elijah: [sighs] Perhaps I was too willing to condemn him. In the thousand years that we have been together, my brother has committed numerous unspeakable acts. But, then again, so has Rebekah. So have I. Hayley: So did I, the last time I was in Cabo. [Elijah stares at her, confused] We've all done bad things. It's just, most people die before the list gets embarrassing. But, don't for a second compare yourself to Klaus. [The two stare at each other intensely. After a long moment, they both look away awkwardly] Hayley: It's like a freaking hot box in here, I'm gonna get some air. [Hayley leaves to walk out onto the porch. When she gets outside, she finds a Bible laying on the corner of the porch. She picks it up and begins to flip through it. After a few moments, Elijah joins her outside] Hayley: Someone left this here. Elijah: What is it? Hayley: A Bible, with a family history that goes back generations. [The two pore over the the Bible's pages. There are many names and birthdates documented, the last of which is "Andrea Labonair 6 June 1991"] Elijah: What are these names? Who is Andrea? Hayley: [shocked] I think I am... That's the day that I was born. MIKAELSON MANSION [Klaus is staring out the window and drinking scotch when Rebekah enters the living room] Klaus: I thought you were leaving us. Rebekah: We both know this family can barely function without me. Where are Elijah and Hayley? Klaus: I left them in the bayou. Rebekah: Why? Klaus: Elijah and I had a bit of a row. Haha, Hayley's conspired to turn him against me. You know our brother was never one to resist a pretty face! So, one thing led to another, and I bit him, left them both stranded in the swamp. Rebekah: [becomes livid] Daggering, biting, deserting. Does your wickedness ever end? Klaus: My "wickedness" is self-preservation! And I wouldn't have to go to such lengths were I not presented on all sides with ignorance and treachery! Now that Elijah's abandoned me, I'll be needing you in my plot against Marcel. [Rebekah glares at her brother resentfully] Klaus: Don't expect to be leaving town anytime soon. [pours himself another drink] Rebekah: Why should I help you, after what you did to Elijah? Klaus: You're my family. Besides, who better to spy on Marcel than the girl he so clearly loves? [sits on the coffee table in front of Rebekah, who sits on the couch] You can tell me all his secrets, like how did he find us here? Huh, any idea about that, little sister? Rebekah: How should I know why Marcel does what he does? Klaus: You think I don't know about your engineered run-ins all over the Quarter? I know you've had private chats with him! Just tell me what secrets he's confided to you. Is he plotting against me? Rebekah: [glares at him and gets in his face] My poor brother, so paranoid. Marcel knows nothing! He's not plotting against you, he simply thinks you're in a quarrel in need of making up. Klaus: [sighs] Perhaps we will. After all, [points and leans in toward Rebekah aggressively] you know I'm capable of forgiving those who disappoint me! As soon as they've seen the error of their ways, and suffered for them. You'd do well to remember that. [Klaus gets up and walks away] Rebekah: [mutters under her breath] You never let me forget. NIGHTWALKER BAR [Tyler and Marcel sit at a table, while a couple of vampire guards stand around nearby.] Marcel: You wanna make a deal with me, you gotta offer me something. I already know about Hayley, the werewolf girl. What else you got? Tyler: What if I told you that werewolf girl is carrying Klaus' child? [Marcel leans in, clearly interested] Tyler: And, if that baby is born, it'll mean the end of the vampire species. [Marcel nods at him] END CREDITS -Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x07 - Bloodletting"}	foreverdreaming
Rebekah (voiceover): My brothers and I are the first vampires in history, the Originals. 300 years ago, we called New Orleans home. I was happy here. For a time. Now we've returned, only to find a miracle. Elijah: Niklaus, the girl is carrying your child. Rebekah (voiceover): And with it, a new responsibility. Elijah: I will always protect you. You have my word on that. Rebekah (voiceover): But our family has many enemies. Tyler: Klaus destroyed everything good in my life. So I'm gonna take away the thing he wants most. Rebekah (voiceover): These thrat should have united us, instead Klaus has driven us apart. Rebekah: Why should I help you after what you did to Elijah? Klaus: You're my family. Marcel: Klaus will never stop trying to control you. What do you want? Rebekah (voiceover): My brother expects my loyalty as he has for a thousand years. But now perhaps it's time to make a different choice. Rebekah: I should never have come back here. This is the town where I fell in love - and where love failed us. I assume you know who I'm talking about? Father Kieran: You should know Marcel and I are not on the best of terms right now. Rebekah: But you are an active priest, are you not? Ready and able to hear my confession? Father Kieran: Usually the word "willing" falls somewhere in that sentence. Are you even Catholic? Rebekah: I've been on this Earth for a thousand years. I can't say for certain that I believe in anything like a God, but I need absolution. From someone. Anyone. So will you hear my confession or not? (Father Kieran nods.) Rebekah: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I am a liar, a betrayer. I have conspired against my own blood and I doubt even your God could save me. OPENING CREDITS 24 hours earlier. (Klaus bites a woman's wrist. Rebekah sits opposite to him, drinking something out of a cup. Between them there is a table full of food.) Klaus: Have you spoken to our good friend Marcel today? Rebekah: No, should I have? Klaus: He's been misteriously silent - avoiding me, some might say. I thought perhaps he may have whispered reasons into your ear. Along with all of those sweet nothings. Rebekah: If I see him I'll be sure to ask if he's still sore at you. Klaus: Let me give a voice to that look in your eyes. My saintly noble brother lies writhing in agony in the bayou, victim of my bastard-brother's-bite, when just one or two drops of his blood would ease his pain. Rebekah: On the contrary, Nik, I am simply enjoying my breaky waiting for Elijah's healthy return. Klaus: Oh, come on Rebekah, you've been giving me the devil's eye all morning. Out with it! Rebekah: Perhaps I'm concerned that if I voice my opinion about what you did to Elijah, I will end up on the wrong side of your toxic hybrid teeth. Klaus: Poppycock! I would never bite you. Elijah made some very offensive accusations about my intentions towards my child. He deserves a day or two of discomfort. Besides, you know my preferred method of punishment for your indiscretions is the dagger. (Rebekah smirks as she gets up from the chair.) Rebekah: There is something fundamentally wrong with you. (She leaves the room and Klaus is now sitting by the table alone, staring somewhere in front of him.) (Elijah is laying on a bed in the hut, Hayley stand beside the bed.) Hayley: Here, drink this. (Elijah drinks it, but immediatly starts to cough.) Elijah: Forgive me. Please. Hayley: It's okay. Remind me to annihilate your brother once you're healthy. Elijah: Yes, remind me to remind you to get in line. Hayley: It doesn't help that we decided to shack up in a swamp either. (Hayley goes outside. Elijah starts to cough. Hayley goes back inside.) Hayley: Are you okay? Elijah: I'm fine. Please just... return to your reading. Hayley: I went through the whole thing. It's just a regular Bible. With an entry in a family tree, that may or may not be me, but you know I've been a little busy worrying about you. Elijah: Hayley, please. This fever will make me unstable. And once the hallucinations begin I'll start to see things. You must leave me here. Hayley: I'm not leaving you like this. (Outside, the werewolf Eve is lurking around.) The French Quarter Marcel: All right, I'm here. Let's do this. I'll keep this simple. This kid is an old enemy of your favorite person Klaus. And he's got plenty to say about what that traitor, son of a bitch, has been up to behind my back. Now, for those of you faint of heart, there's the door. Because those who stick around, you're signing up for battle. (No one leaves the room. Marcel nods proudly.) Tyler: You all know Klaus wasn't always the hybrid. When he broke the curse that kept his werewolf side dormant, somewhere in all that, certain parts were now able to trump his vampire side. Like the ability to pass on the werewolf gene. That's where the werewolf girl he's been hiding from you all comes in. She rode through my town, pretended to be my friend and then end up hooking up with him. Now she's pregnant with his kid. Diego: What the hell is this? Marcel: Just listen. Tyler: When Klaus became the hybrid, he figured out a way to turn full-bread werewolves into creatures like him. (He rises his hand) You're looking at one of them. On the plus side, we had all the perks of being vampires. We're stronger, faster. And the toxins in our bites could still kll a vampire. But on the downside we were loyal to him. Like, supernaturally loyal. Diego: Right, and that's why you're here, spilling all his secrets? Marcel: That's the point, Diego. He figured out a way to break free of it. Tyler: And I helped the rest of them too. Then Klaus klled them for their betrayal. (Rebekah bolts into the room.) Rebekah: Because that is what Klaus does. Don't mind me, I'm fascinated by this story. Hello, Tyler. Tyler: Rebekah. Long time no see. Rebekah: What Tyler was about to tell you is that my brother can use his baby's blood to sire more hybrids. What you will all figure out is that vampires don't stand a chance. So, Tyler, I assume you were trying to rally this lot into making sure the baby isn't born. Tyler: Yeah. You don't like it? Go on and take your brother's side. But you know I'm right. Marcel: I believe you've mistaken the ladies intentions. Diego: Alright. What's going on? Rebekah: You were absolutely right, Tyler. My brother is a crap enough individual as it is. The last thing he needs is to sire a superior species. Go on, you can tell them. Marcel: She's not here to fight us, she's here to help us. Rebekah: That's right. But first... (Rebekah vampire speeds up to Tyler, snaps his neck and then sits down on the chair he was sitting before.) Rebekah: That is enough talk about harming that baby. Klaus is the one we're putting a stop to. (Klaus is talking, drinking from a glass of whiskey. Cami is writing his words down with a typewriter.) Klaus: They have all forsaken me. My siblings are as deceitful in disease just as my parents ever were. Accusing me of using my baby for my own gain, trusting others before their own blood. Cami: Would a laptop kll you? Klaus: That typewriter was good enough for Hemingway. Cami: I see the resemblance. Booze and random acts of volence. Klaus: Elijah and Rebekah have cut to the quick with their vicious lies about me. And all I've done is tried to win this battle of wills over Marcel's control of the quarter in order to reclaim our home. Type, please! Cami: What's the point? You just repeat the same thing over and over again. Rebekah's out to get you. Elijah's out to get you. Is there anyone who isn't plotting your downfall? I doubt you trust your own reflection. Klaus: You know if the daggers weren't missing I would put one in each of their hearts. Rid myself of the burden of my siblings for a couple of centuries. Cami: Look at you! Repeating the same destructive cycles over and over again. You are the architect of your own unhappiness. Klaus: I don't remember asking for your advice. Cami: Oh, really? So of all the people in New Orleans you choose someone with a masters in psychology to record your lifestory. You're over a thousand years old. Pretty damn sure you know how to type. The truth is: You compelled me to come here because you have no one else to talk to, and you want to be understood. Then you compel me to forget everything as soon as I leave your presence because you are too scared to trust. Klaus: I'm scared of nothing. (Klaus picks up a piece of paper with some signs on it.) Klaus: What is this? Cami: It's an ancient mystical plot I'm using to destroy you. (Klaus looks at her in distrust.) Relax, it's a tattoo design. Klaus: Draw on your own time. Cami: This is my time. You steal it from me! (Cami picks up her things and leaves Klaus.) (Marcel and Rebekah take the dad Tyler into the garden.) Marcel: Where do you want him? Rebekah: Just put him anywhere handy until Klaus is taken care of. Where are we gonna put Klaus? He needs to be away from all the others. We don't want him formenting descent. You know he has a knack with words, he could talk his way out of hell. Marcel: Yeah, he got a spot picked out for him in the back. Only person he's gonna be talking to in the next 52 years is himself. Rebekah: 52? Marcel: One for each year that he kept you daggered in the 1800s. Rebekah: You mean you let him keep me daggered? Marcel: And I'll spend every year Klaus is in here apologizing to you for it. Rebekah: Well, I'll settle for long enough to experience just a little bit of happiness. And ensure that my niece isn't turned to a hybrid breeding machine. It's gonna be tough to keep him in here. That little witch of yours would put the odds in our favour. Marcel: I can't risk it. She's got less and less control over her magic lately. I can't even get her out of the church attic, much less rely on her to go to battle against Klaus. Rebekah: Then we'll need your very best warriors. Klaus is strong and crafty, and betrayal makes him particulary nasty. Marcel: What we're doing is nothing Klaus hasn't done to both you and your brother for dozen times over. You're not getting second thoughts now, are you? Rebekah: These aren't second thoughts. They're feelings of regret. I should have buried him a hundred years ago. A hundred years we could've been together. (They kiss.) (Hayley is outside the hut by a lake, Elijah is groaning with pain. Hayley goes in and sits down on the bed and lays a hand on his forehead.) ELIJAH'S MEMORY (A woman, Celeste, is sitting in a bathtub, Elijah enters the room.) PRESENT TIME Elijah: Celeste? (Hayley looks irritated. Elijah suddenly realises it was just a memory.) Elijah: Hayley, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else. Hayley: Celeste. Whoever she was, she was smokin' hot. Elijah (concerned): Did I let you enter my thoughts? I'm not well. I should go. This is... Hayley: This is fine, Elijah. You're sick, I'm taking care of you. Elijah: We're being watched. (Hayley goes outside. Eve is standing near the hut. When she sees Hayley, she runs away.) Hayley: Hey. Hey! (Klaus enters the garage. Josh is looking at a car, suddenly realizing that Klaus is standing behind him.) Josh: God, man! I'll never get used to that. Why do I get the feeling you studied theater? Klaus: All the world's a stage, young Joshua. And it just so happens I have the role of a lifetime for you. (Josh is sitting in a car, driving, talking to Marcel and Rebekah.) Marcel: What do you got, Josh? Josh: What do I got? Klaus wants me to steal some dagger from you. It's a test, okay? He knows I'm working for you, I'm sure of it. Rebekah: That bastard wants to dagger us again. He deserves everything he's gonna get. Marcel: Relax. If he knew, he would've ripped your spine out through your nose by know. Josh: Oh, great. Now I feel totally at ease! What am I supposed to do? Marcel: You tell him you searched high and low but you couldn't find the dagger. Josh: God, I'm so dad. Marcel: Then you tell him you saw I had it on me and if he wants it he'll have to come and get it. Which won't be easy as I'm paranoid and I've beefed up my possie. (Back in the garage, Josh is talking to Klaus.) Josh: Right, so, not doubting your mad vampire skills of destruction or anything, but Marcel's on red alert. Surrounded by, like, an army. You're totally boned. Unless... Klaus: Unless what? Josh: I overheard him arguing with Diego. Apparently he's clearing out the compound tonight for a date or something. That's where Marcel will be. Klaus: When I run New Orleans, there will be a permanent daylight ring in it for you, Joshua. For services rendered on to your true king. Josh: Cool. Klaus: But if you ever betray me, I will make sure you spend the rest of your eternal life in exquisite agony, wishing for a merciful death. (Klaus pats Josh on his shoulder and walks away.) Josh: Adiós, Klaus. (Father Kieran is sitting in the church, Klaus is sitting near behind him.) Kieran: What do you want? Klaus: It's Poitin. (He hands a hip flask to Father Kieran who takes it.) It'd raise the dad, kll them and raise 'em again. (Kieran drinks.) Klaus: I'd like to talk to you about your niece, Camille. I'm sure you suspect this already, by the gaps in her memory - I compel her. At first it was because she was a useful spy, but now for her own protection. Kieran: I assumed a vampire was messing with her mind. Though I never anticipated a confession. Klaus: She won't leave things be. Her mind churns with the permutations of what happened in this church when her twin went on his slaughter spree. Now, if she finds out what really happened, that the vampires and witch hexes were involved, she will dig and dig and dig until she digs too deep and gets herself klled. New Orleans will be the death of her. She needs to leave. And as ironic as it may seem, I believe it should be her choice. Kieran: Yes. It is ironic discussing free will with a mind-controlling vampire. Klaus: She's a clever girl. She gave me a piece of her mind earlier today. I would have kll others for less. I care about her survival. I smell wr in the air. And with every wr, there is the innocent victim who could have been spared if they had just walked away. Please, convince her to walk away from New Orleans. (Kieran nods slightly.) Klaus: Or I'll be forced to compel her to go. ELIJAH'S MEMORY (The same scene as before: Celeste is sitting in a bathtub, Elijah enters the room. Celeste throws the sponge to Elijah who catches it. Celeste giggles.) Celeste: Assistance, please, good sir. Elijah: No, I'm much happier taking in such a wonderous view. It's perfection. Celeste: Your brother is again up to no good. He's challenging the gentry to duels as though they have any chance of a fair fight. Elijah: I do grow weary of sacrificing my joy to temper my brother's mischief. Surely, you can cast a spell to put him in his place. Celeste: It would take a hundred witches to put him in his place. Besides, he only ever listens to you. Elijah: Yes. He certainly needs a little discipline. Spanking of some kind is in order. I think I shall need some rehearsal. Come. (They kiss.) PRESENT DAY Elijah: (He shivers and groans in pain.) Hayley, please. This fever. My mind is flooded with these torturous memories. You have to leave. Hayley: What is your deal? You don't like people taking care of you? Elijah: There are consequences for those that care. I will not have you pay that price. Hayley: So you're having weird retro sex dreams? Get over it, I'm staying. Elijah: What about our visitor? What does she want? Hayley: I'm guessing she's the one that left the mystery Bible on the doorstep last night. Would be nice if she'd stick around long enough to tell me why. Elijah. Hayley, you came here to gather an information about your family, not to play nursemaid to a vampire with a temperature. Please, find her. Learn what you can. Hayley: No, I'm staying. (Klaus enters Marcel's Yard.) Marcel: Klaus. Klaus: You've been avoiding my calls. Marcel: Little pissed off lately. (Marcel shows the dagger.) Marcel: Sorry, but I can't do that. Klaus: Apologies for my behavior can come later. You have something of mine. I want it back. (He streches out a hand with the dagger in it towards Klaus. Rebekah appears and takes the dagger.) Klaus: What is this? Rebekah: Apologies for your behavior? You don't apologize, Nik. You just act. I've had enough. We have had enough. Klaus: Look at you. Finally in possesion of the one thing that can take you down. How does it feel? Rebekah: Great. (Marcel whistles. Some vampires appear.) Klaus: So this is it? The evil bastard Klaus has gone too far. Must be punished. And by his own sibling, nonetheless. How positively biblical. And you, Marcel, is this (he points at the vampires) your idea of a ht? I taught you better than this poultry excuse for a takedown. Do you think you can subdue me - with this!? Marcel: No. But I think I can with this. (Marcel whistles again. More vampires appear.) (Elijah is breathing loudly. Hayley sits on the bed with her hand on his forehead.) Elijah: Celeste. Forgive me. I'm sorry. ELIJAH'S MEMORY (Klaus and another man are standing back to back, revolvers in their hands.) Klaus: (Gives orders in French.) (They start to walk away from each other. Klaus counts down in French.) Klaus: Huit, sept, six, cinq, quatre, trois, deux. (They turn around and sh*t. Klaus remains unharmed, while the man falls down with a headshot.) Klaus: Is that it? Is this the best New Orleans has to offer? (Another man drags the corpse to a pile of other dad persons. Elijah appears.) Elijah: Brother! Please, this is high folly. Is it not enough, you have slaughtered dozens in just these past several weeks? Word of a city littered with bodies will surely travel the oceans. Do you want to bring our father upon us? Klaus: Relax, brother. I've sent rumor that the bodies are result of the witches seeking blood sacrifice for their rituals. Elijah: You did what? Have you forgotten? Celeste is one of those that you recklessly point your finger at? Klaus: Who's Celeste? (Elijah gives Klaus a meaningful look.) Klaus: Oh, yes! The witch you've been knocking around with. Well, fear not. Harlots are like rats in the quarter. You trip over one every step you take. (Elijah takes a revolver and sh*t at Klaus, who groans with pain.) Klaus: You care about her. Well, that is unfortunate. I hear they're rounding up the towns witches as we speak. PRESENT DAY (Elijah startles up scared. He screams loudly, Hayley seems worried.) Hayley: Elijah? (Elijah hallucinates. He doesn't realize he's harming Hayley.) Elijah: Niklaus! I'll kll you, you bastard. Hayley (scared): Elijah? (Elijah jumps up and put his hand around Hayleys neck. Hayley starts fighting for air. Suddenly someone sab Elijah in the back. It's the werewolf Eve.) Hayley (gaspingly): Hello to you too. (Klaus stands in the middle of Marcel's vampires.) Klaus: Let's end this charade, shall we? Vampires of New Orleans! Do recall that I am an Original. A hybrid. I cannot be klled. Eternity is an awfully long time. How long, do you think, Marcel will stay in power? What if one of you lot were to release me, knowing I will be eternally in your debt? Oh, I would pity those of you who dared to cross me. I can assure you, your ends would be spectacular. To borrow a trick from an old friend. (He streches out a hand with a coin in it.) Whoever picks up... this coin... gets to live. (He drops the coin.) Now which of you magnificent bastards wants to join me? Marcel: Anyone wants that coin, pledge allegiance to Klaus. Take it now. Go ahead. The choice is yours. (No one moves, except Klaus who is slightly astonished that no one picks up the coin. Marcel looks at him, proud of the loyalty his minions show.) Marcel: Take him. (Some vampires try to take down Klaus, but he kills them easily. Klaus streches out both hands. Some vampires try to chain him, but he is still stronger than all his attackers. They finally manage to take him down - but not for long. When he rises his head again, his golden hybrid eyes can be seen. He is growling deeply. Rebekah is paralysed by disbelief. Klaus rises again and continues klling vampires.) Klaus: Marcel! Come and finish this! (Marcel is up to run to Klaus, but Rebekah holds him back.) Rebekah: No! Take the coin! Marcel: What? Rebekah: He won't stop until everyone is dad. And he will kll you too. End this. Pick up the coin! Marcel: Enough! (Suddenly the room falls absolutely silent. Marcel takes the coin.) Klaus: Well, well, well. The great Marcel, self-proclaimed king of New Orleans, bowing before me. (Marcel throws away the coin in Klaus' direction.) Marcel: There. I hereby pledge my allegiance to you. You have the keys to my kingdom. It's yours. (Klaus smiles.) (Camille is cleaning the gravestone of her twin Sean.) Kieran: I was on my way home. Saw you dock in here. I knew exactly where you'd be. Cami: It's getting old. It's the second time this week. Kieran: Third. I cleaned it off the day before yesterday. Cami: It's pointless. I just do it again. Kieran: Folks need time to heal. Sean klled innocent people. No one's getting over that any time soon. Cami: I think... I think I'm loosing it like he did. I found this in my pocket. (She shows Kieran the paper with the signs on it.) The lines - it's a secret code Sean and I used to use when we were kids. I have no memory of drawing it. Something's not right, I just can't figure it out. Kieran: Come here. (Kieran hugs his niece.) Kieran: Maybe... you should leave town for a while. Give your head some space. I know your dean. You could put your thesis on hold. Cami: I can't. This means something. I just don't know what. (Cami is looking at Father Kieran with tears in her eyes.) Kieran: Not everything has meaning. Sometimes you just have to let go. You should leave New Orleans. This town isn't for everybody. Please. (Hayley and Eve are talking outside, near a bonfire.) Eve: I'm sure you got questions. Hayley: Only a thousands of them. Like who are you, why are you following me, where the hell is everyone and if the people in this book really are my family, what happend to them? Eve: I'm Eve. I'm following you because you brought an Original to a werewolf country which is pretty much the same reason why everybody else skedaddled. If you wanna know what happened to the people in that family tree, I summon it up nice and quick: Marcel happened. Hayley: What did he do? Eve: He klled most of them. Later, the descendants of the ones who dodged death, he strong-armed a witch into putting a curse on them. Hayley: What kind of curse? Eve: Swap nature around, inside out. Made it so their natural stay as wolves. They only turn back human on the full moon. We're hunted by the marks we carry. That crescent moon birthmark - that's why I got rid of mine. I didn't wanna get found up. (Elijah appears.) Elijah: Good evening. Think I might have something which belongs to you. (He shows the stake Eve used to dagger him.) Hayley: Elijah, I've got this. Are you okay? Elijah: The wound is healed, the fever is broken but for some strange reason I have this sharp and lingering sensation in my back. Hayley (to Eve): I have to get him home. But I'll be back, okay? I need to know more. Eve: Keep that mark covered up. (Eve leaves.) Elijah: What happened? Hayley: I just met part of my family. (The dad vampires are coverd with shrouds. Diego and some other vampires pour some alcohol on the corpses. Marcel is standing on the balcony. Klaus comes to join him.) Klaus: Looking at what you've wrought? Marcel: Look, if you're gonna kll me let's get this over with. Klaus: Why would I kll you? You picked up the coin. There are rules of engagement in battle, Marcel. Without them, you'd have anarchy. I would, however, like to talk about accommodations. Your living quarters, for example. I believe they used to be mine. Marcel: You own this, fine. It's yours. You can put me back on the street for all I care. But let's make one thing clear. - You will never have this: loyalty. You can't buy it, you can't own it, you can't force it. It comes only out of love and respect for the people who believe in you. You taught me many things, Niklaus Mikaelson, but this I learned myself. And it is something that you will never know. Enjoy your kingdom. (Klaus watches Diego dropping a lighter and the corpses are cathing fre.) (Elijah and Hayley are sitting in a car.) Hayley: So thanks for the ride. Elijah (smiling): Quite the awkward little adventure, wouldn't you say? I'm sorry I tried to hurt you, I would never want that. Hayley: Elijah, tell me what happened to Celeste. Elijah: That's not important. Hayley: It is important. Thousand years of memories and that's what breaks through your fever brain? I wanna know. Show me! (Elijah lays his hand on the back of Hayley's head.) ELIJAH'S MEMORY (Celeste is lying in the bathtub underwater, dad. Elijah lifts her up, lays his forehead on hers. He screams.) PRESENT DAY Elijah: It was a cruel and bloody time to be a witch. Courtesy of my wonderful brother. Hayley: She died because of Klaus? Elijah: She died because of me. Because I cared too deeply for her. I had allowed my brother to slip through my grasp. I loosened the reigns while Celeste consumed my every moment. I had abandoned him in the name of my own happiness. Celeste payed the price. Hayley: I don't get it. (She shakes her head.) Why are we here? Why are you trying to put together your family when it's so clear that one part of it is broken? Elijah: To me, the very definition of the word "broken" suggests that something can be fixed. I have a whole eternity to accomplish one single task: My brother's salvation. If I surrender this, then tell me what value would I be to my family, to myself, to ... to your child? (Hayley lays her hand upon Elijah's.) Elijah (shaking his head): Please, Hayley. You've seen what happens. (Elijah holds her hand. After a moment he leaves the car.) Rebekah: Elijah's home, there's only one dagger. Which one of us will you be punishing today? Klaus: I contemplated a game of eenie-meenie-miney-moe. You betrayed me. My own sister! Elijah: Niklaus, don't you dare! Klaus: Perhaps it should be you, brother! Stealing my child away with every fawning moment of tenderness you show to Hayley! Elijah: This has nothing to do with Hayley. Klaus (pointing with the dagger at Elijah): It has everything to do with her! She's adored you since she arrived. And now my child, my blood will grow up to call you father! Rebekah: Is that what it is? You are once again worried that you will be left behind. Has history taught you nothing? We don't abandon you, Nik, you drive us away! Klaus: Is that so? What have I done lately, other than cooperate? I bow down to you, brother, to make up for daggering you. For the greater good of our plan to reclaim our home. Looked the other way, sister. While you repeat the same cycle with Marcel, falling again for a man you shouldn't be with, while he controls the empire that we built! That he took! Now, I make no excuses for past sins. But in the one moment when you two could have chosen to stand by me - to believe in me - to believe my intentions for my own child were pure. You chose to stand against me, to side with my enemies. I wanted our home back. Now I have it. So I'm going to live there. And the two of you... you can stay here together... and rot. (He hands the dagger to Elijah, who takes it. Klaus leaves the house.) Klaus: You're coming with me, little wolf. Hayley: Why would I go anywhere with you? Klaus: Because, Hayley, that child you carry is the only thing on this earth that matters to me. Now you can fight me on this, but you will lose. (He opens the car door.) As will anyone else who tries to stop you getting in this car. (Hayley stands up and gets in the car.) Cami: I figured it out. The note. I was thinking about it. My lost time, my foggy brain. I thought I must be going crazy, like Sean. But then I thought: "What if somewhere in my subconscious, I was trying to send myself a message?" (She shows the paper to Father Kieran) I was. (The letters on the note say: KLAUS M PICAYUNE 1919) Cami: I found this in the Picayune newspaper archives from 1919. (She hands another sheet of paper to Kieran.) Cami: Look at this photo. (On the picture, Marcel, Klaus and a few other persons can be seen.) (Cami and Father Kieran exchange confused glances.) Cami: Those men, I know them. I know both of them.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x08 - The River in Reverse"}	foreverdreaming
Klaus (voiceover): My siblings and I are the first vampires in history, the Originals. 300 years ago, we helped build New Orleans. In our absence, a new king arose. Now I've returned and taken his kingdom as my own. I had hope this would bring our family together. I was wrong. French Quarter, The Abattoir Yard [A dinner table is set up in the yard and Marcel's closest people are gathered around it. Klaus calls for everyone's attention to give a speech by tapping his cup with a fork.] Klaus: Let us begin with a toast to our shared gift: immortality. After a thousand years, one might expect life to be less keenly felt, for its beauties and its sorrows do diminish with time. But, as vampires, we feel more deeply than humans could possibly imagine. (Klaus gestures toward a group of waiters and waitresses to have them join them at the table, one for each guest.) Klaus: Insatiable need, exquisite pain... [The servants slit their wrists with knives, filling the cups with blood for the vampires.] Klaus: Our victories, and our defeats. [He looks at Marcel.] FLASHBACK--MARCEL'S MEMORY Rebekah: You can't afford your wounded pride. With Klaus in control of your empire, you need to give him what he craves most: loyalty. Or, at least, the illusion of it. Marcel: I ambushed him, tried to bury him alive. He's not gonna trust me. Rebekah: He will, because he wants your allegiance. Speaking from my experience, I know that if you play the part, all is forgiven. But, if you give him any reason to doubt you, he will strike back. [Rebekah takes Marcel's hand in her own] Rebekah: Make me a promise, Marcel. You will do whatever it takes to stay alive. PRESENT DAY, DINNER AT THE ABBATOIR Klaus: ...To my city, my home again. May the blood never cease to flow... Marcel: ...and the party never end! DIEGO'S MEMORY Diego: I just don't get it, man. We would've stayed with you to the end. Marcel: Letting you do that would have been letting you die, and you're still my people. Now, just follow my lead. Trust me, it ain't over yet. PRESENT DAY, DINNER AT THE ABBATOIR Diego: [raises his glass] To New Orleans. Klaus: To New Orleans! Everyone: New Orleans. [They all drink] Klaus: I understand that some of you may have questions regarding the recent change in leadership, and I invited you here tonight to assure you that you are not defeated. No, my intentions moving forward are to celebrate what we have. What Marcel, in fact, took and built for this true community of vampires. Diego: What about her? [he points toward Hayley] The wolf. Klaus: Had you'd let me finish, Diego, you would know that there is, of course, one further matter I would like to address. [He walks over to the other end of the table where Hayley sits] As many of you know, the girl is carrying my child. Consequently, I trust you will all pay her the appropriate respect. However, I understand that some of you are concerned by this vicious rumor that I intend to use the blood of our child to create hybrids. I assure you I do not. Hayley: [smirks sarcastically] Father of the year. Klaus: It appears I will have to earn your trust. Very well, we'll eliminate the root of your anxiety. You see, how I can I sire any hybrids if there are no more werewolves alive in the bayou to turn? Hayley: What? Klaus, no! Klaus: [ignores Hayley] So-- eat, drink and be merry. And, tomorrow, I suggest you have yourselves a little wolf hunt. Go ahead, have fun. kll them all! OPENING TITLE AND CREDITS Mikaelson Mansion [A blue truck is parked outside the plantation house. Movers are packing up what appears to be a big painting into the truck] Rebekah [to the worker]: Absolutely not, I paid for that! Elijah: Please, you never paid for anything in your life. Rebekah [to Elijah]: I hardly see how that's relevant. Nik's just punishing us. Elijah: Well, we've hurt him. Deeply, it would appear. Rebekah: We believed the worst about him, the one time in a million when the worst wasn't actually the truth. [Elijah starts to walk away] Rebekah: Where do you think you're going? Elijah: To make sure Hayley doesn't suffer for our mistakes. Niklaus is feeling vindicative, we cannot trust that she is safe. [Elijah leaves the house, leaving Rebekah alone] The Abattoir, Klaus' Room [Klaus is with Cami, who continues to transcribe his memoirs] Klaus: And so then I bit Elijah, and left him in the bayou with my hybrid venom in his veins. Serves him right, for making such vile accusations against me. And then... [He turns to see that Cami has stopped typing] Are you taking this down? Cami: To be clear: if the Quarter is yours now, you still need me why? Klaus: My memoirs. A thousand years of history isn't going to write itself. [Marcel joins them in Klaus' room] Marcel: Cami. What are you doing here? Cami [to Klaus]: My question exactly. Klaus: Oh, it's quite alright. She knows. Marcel: She does? Cami: That you're vampires? Don't worry, he's compelled me to forget everything as soon as I leave. That way, I'm too busy agonizing over whether or not I'm losing my damn mind to realize I'm playing spy for an immortal egomaniac. Marcel: You compelled her to go out with me, didn't you? [to Cami] And I thought you really liked me. Cami: So did I. Klaus: I mean, to be clear, I only compelled you to give him a chance. Anything you felt for him was quite real. [Cami and Marcel exchange confused glances] Klaus: ...and for the record, the level of awkwardness we're all currently experiencing is entirely genuine. Cami: You think you're so clever, don't you? Compelling the poor naive bartender. Look what I found: real me, not your compelled therapist. [She shows Klaus the old photo she found of him and Marcel from 1919] Klaus: Actually I prefer "devoted stenographer...' Cami: You think this is funny, messing with my mind? My sanity is not a joke! Klaus: No, love. I don't believe it is. [he compels Cami] You never found this. You will remember nothing of our life as vampires when you leave here, do you understand? [Cami nods] I think that just about does it for the day. You may go. [Cami takes her things and leaves] French Quarter, In An Alley [Hayley walks alone as she tries to sneak out of the backyard of the Abbatoir. She looks around to see if she's being watched. Suddenly Diego cuts in front of her] Diego: Going somewhere? [Elijah appears and breaks Diego's neck by throwing him into the wall] Hayley: Elijah, you shouldn't be here. Klaus has his guys watching me. Elijah: I wouldn't worry about them. [Rebekah comes along, kicking down two other vampires who were hiding around the corner] Elijah: Come, we mustn't linger. We'll get you some place safe. Hayley: No, you don't have to worry about me. I'm fine. I've been deemed under protection by the almighty Klaus. It's the werewolves who need help. He ordered a wolf hunt as some jacked-up peace offering to Marcel's crew. You have to help them. Rebekah: Out in the bayou? Do we look like a bloody vampire-rescue-squad? I think you should be grateful we came to save you! Hayley: Listen. Rebekah. All my life, I've wanted to know who my real family was, and just as I find out that they're out there in the bayou, Klaus orders them klled. You wanna help me? Help my people. Please. Inside The Abattoir [Klaus and Marcel are sitting down opposite to each other in the courtyard] Marcel: The humans have called a meeting. They're not exactly thrilled with the new status quo. Klaus: How unfortunate for them. Marcel: Look, it's your show now. But you wanna know how I built what I built? Politics. A little diplomacy goes a long way, especially with the human faction. Klaus: Duly noted. [He looks at the photo that Cami found] I haven't thought about this night in ages. 1919, the opera house, just before it brned. This was the end of an era. Now, in the interest of new beginnings, I feel that there are some things I should probably confess to you. But... [He grabs a glass of alcohol] Where to begin? Klaus [continues]: Thierry was never disloyal to you, I set him up in an attempt to locate my brother. He's your friend, and consequently, he can return to the compound at your discretion. Cami's part, you just learned. And then, there's young Joshua. I've been compelling him from the beginning, although I suspect you already knew that, as he was the one who led me into your trap. Marcel: I may have fed the kid some misinformation. Klaus: And then there's Davina. She's a powerful wapon. At this point, I'd like to keep her close at hand. I think we should have her move in to the compound here with us. Marcel: She can't leave the attic. I already tried to move her once. Klaus: Yes, about that... Turns out, your little witch is quite the actress. She made a deal with Elijah while he was in captivity, tricked you into letting her stay put in exchange for some spells from our mother's grimoire. Marcel: [nods bitterly] Good to know. Is that all? Klaus: I do believe it is. Marcel: I appreciate the honesty. [Klaus drinks from his glass, approving] Marcel: Meeting's in an hour. [Marcel leaves] Cami's Apartment Cami finds a post-it note on her mirror that says: Believe nothing Klaus tells you. She sees another note attached to a book: Your bag Inside pocket Cami grabs the bag and finds a mobile phone with a recording of Klaus' voice: "And so then I bit Elijah and left him in the bayou with my hybrid venom in his veins. Serves him right for making such vile accusations against me." Cami looks terrified. Davina's Attic Room [Marcel is talking to Davina, who is painting] Marcel: You're gonna love it at the compound. I already got the best room in the place picked out. Davina: I can't leave! Remember what happened last time? Marcel: I know about your deal with Elijah. We can't be lying to each other. I'm trying to protect you. With the witches still looking to kll you for the Harvest, believe me, you're safest with us. [Klaus arrives] Klaus: Plus, there's excellent light in the afternoon. [He notices Davina's paintings and goes to take a closer look at them] I see you're an artist. Wonderful! I look forward to witnessing your many talents! Davina [to Marcel]: Was this his idea? Klaus: Davina, please. I understand you're devoted to Marcel, but Marcel is devoted to me. I assume you'll want what's best for all of us. [He walks over to Marcel] We have a meeting to attend downstairs. [Marcel nods and Klaus leaves] Marcel: I'll get someone to pick up your things. We'll get you settled in right. Trust me. [Marcel goes to join Klaus at the meeting downstairs, leaving a very sad Davina left behind] St. Anne's Catholic Church [Father Kieran lifts his head and sees Klaus and Marcel arrive] Father Kieran: Klaus, Marcel, thank you for coming. We are aware of the change in the leadership in your community, and we thought it was time to make the appropriate introductions. [The Mayor and the Sheriff stand up] Mayor [to Klaus]: We wanna be sure you understand how things work around here. Klaus [to Mayor]: Is that so? [The Mayor nods] Father Kieran [to Klaus]: What the Mayor means is that we just want some insurance that this new development isn't going to endanger our city or its inhabitants. The Sheriff: [to Klaus and Marcel] Look, you freaks do your thing, and we'll look the other way. [Klaus looks at Marcel] As long as our pockets stay full, we won't have a problem. [Father Kieran looks a bit disappointed and tries to backtrack] Father Kieran [to Klaus]: More importantly, there are rules. No feeding on the locals, don't bring any unwanted attention to the city. History has proven that we can co-exist peacefully. However if you cross the line... [Father Keiran is being interrupted by the Sheriff] Sheriff [to Klaus]: You answer to us. Klaus [laughs loudly]: Okay... I'm sorry, let me get this straight-- I'm to play supplicant to this pompous ass and his ridiculous group of petty thieves? [He sighs dramatically, shakes his head and walks towards the Sheriff and Mayor] Here are my terms: You will take whatever scraps I see fit to leave you, and you will be grateful. If that doesn't suit you, I may decide you've outlived your usefulness. [The Sheriff looks angry as Klaus walks down the aisle to take his leave. Marcel follows, annoyed at his actions] Werewolf Camp In The Bayou, By The Lake [Klaus' and Marcel's vampire crew is violently searching the camp for wolves to kll. Diego gives them commands] Diego: Hey, they're obviously here. Fan out, find 'em, and bring me some heads! [Elijah and Rebekah appear a couple of meters away from Diego] Elijah: I'd rather you didn't. Diego: The hell are you doing out here? Elijah: I've come to suggest you seek other hunting grounds. Diego: [shrugs] Suggestion noted... [Rebekah walks up to him] Rebekah: Oh Diego, it would be such a shame to have to rearrange that pretty face. [She swings her arm to punch him in the face, but Diego stops her by grabbing her arm] Diego: What the hell do you care about wolves? Elijah: Generally, I don't. However, this particular clan is not to be touched. [bat] Goodbye. Rebekah: [smiles sweetly and whispers to Diego] Bye. Diego: [to his fellow vampires] Nothing here anyway. [He whistles, and the hunting party leaves] Rebekah: Ah, great. I think as well our job here is done. Elijah: [senses something supernatural in their nearby surroundings] Not quite. [Elijah vamp-speeds away and finds Eve, who is standing by a tree, waiting] Elijah: We're not here to harm you. Hello, again. Eve, was it? Rebekah: One of Hayley's litter-mates, I presume? Eve: Hayley sent you here to protect us, didn't she? Tell her we appreciate the concern, but we've been looking out for ourselves for a while now. Nobody finds us unless we wanna be found. Rebekah: Well, we found you, so... Eve: Like I said. There's something I thought you and your family should know about. [Eve starts walking along the path with a stake and a map in her hands] At A Bar [Klaus joins Marcel at a table. He has brought a bottle of whiskey] Klaus: I think it goes far more gracious than they deserved. [Marcel stares at Klaus, who now pours their drinks] Klaus: You're disappointed by my lack of diplomacy. You out of all people should need no reminder of the human capacity for cruelty. [Marcel continues to remain quiet. Klaus' phone buzzes. He rises from the chair to answer it] Klaus: Hello? The Sheriff: Mr. Mikaelson. I just wanted to let you know that the faction's considered your terms. We've reached a decision. Klaus: Have you? [An explsin is heard from outside, and large amounts of atmatic gn pierces through the walls and windows of the Abbatoir compound, scattering broken glass all over the bar room. Some vampires are hurt by the gn, and some nightwalkers even catch fre and burn to dad. Someone screams. Marcel hurries to save one of the burning vampires but both himself and Klaus are ht by machine gn shts. Marcel collapses and falls onto the floor in pain. Klaus is furious] The Bar [Klaus and Marcel are alone in the compound's bar after the explsin. The room is now empty and the furniture's disarranged. A brned skeleton lays near them] Marcel: Dammit, dammit, dammit! [He flips a table, enraged] This is on you! [points at Klaus] Now that you're in charge, these are your guys laying dad. Your guys. You're gonna run this city, that better mean something to you, otherwise no one worth a damn is gonna follow you. No one! [Klaus smiles when Marcel turns away] Klaus: I was beginning to worry about you. I don't think I could've taken any more of this differential nonsense. I mean clearly I underestimated the faction, that won't happen again. But, tell me: Now that we've arrived to this point, now that they have come into our home, visited this upon our people... How would you counsel me to respond? Marcel: Let's go kll them all. The Bayou Werewolf Camp [Eve, Elijah and Rebekah have stopped by the lake and Eve is showing a map to the siblings] Eve: Surrounded by 20,000 acres of swamp, the ones born here who now know it like the backs of our hands, will be fine. But here, [she points at the map with her stake] newcomers from out of state - not of Hayley's and my kin. But, word's spread about that baby of hers. A lot of werewolves wanna see this miracle pregnancy for themselves. Only now, the vampires are out looking for blood, and all these werewolves new at the bayou might not know where to hide. Rebekah: You say that like we're supposed to care. Eve: Believe me, you're gonna want them kept alive. Elijah: And why is that? Eve: See for yourself. In The Compound's Garage Davina: I know you're in here, Josh. I can sense your fear. Josh [from behind a car]: I heard you're moving in. Davina [smiling]: What are you doing in here? Josh: You might've known. [Davina and Josh hug] Josh: You know, incognito. Gotta run for the hills, but I'm stuck here until it gets dark. Davina: Are you okay? Josh: Yeah, yeah... No. Not really. I mean, totally led Klaus into a trap that was the most epic fail of all time, so yeah, kinda crapping my pants right now, figuratively. So far. Davina: It's okay. You can trust Marcel. And if Klaus tries to hurt you - I'll hurt him. [While they were talking, Hayley has walked in on them] Hayley: I'm sure if you could actually stop Klaus, you would've done it already. Davina: You're Hayley. Klaus' wife. Hayley: Ew, no. Never. I'm the pregnant werewolf. And you must be all-powerful superwitch, Davina? And let's not forget Josh, newbie vampire way out of his element, voted "Most Likely to Die Next." Josh: [nods nervously] Fantastic. Hayley: Hey. I'm just another one of Klaus' prisoners. Of course, it would suck if he found out you're still lurking around. Maybe there's a world where we can all look out for each other? Cami's Apartment [Cami rushes to the door when she hears a knock] Cami: [sees its her uncle] I called you hours ago! Father Kieran: I came as fast as I could. What's going on? Your voicemail sounded... [he is interrupted by Cami] Cami: What!? Paranoid? Unhinged? Father Kieran: [hesitates] Upset. Cami: That picture I found. The one that was.. I don't know, a hundred years old. You said it was just a coincidence. But... [She grabs the phone with recordings of Klaus' and her earlier meeting. She presses 'play,' and Father Kieran hears Cami's and Klaus' voices: 'My sanity is not a joke.' - 'No, love, I don't believe it is.' Cami's eyes fill with tears] Cami: ...that's my voice! But I don't remember it. I think it's... It think it's some kind of mind-control, he's erasing my memory! [Father Kieran's phone rings] Father Kieran [on the phone]: Yes? They what? [He looks concerned and dodges the call] We will talk about this later. [He leaves Cami's apartment in a hurry] Rosseau's Bar, Meeting Room [Father Kieran arrives to a city council meeting] Father Kieran: Why wasn't I consulted on this? The Mayor: You've been gone for over eight months, Kieran. We got used to doing things on our own. The Sheriff: This Klaus Mikaelson, I don't care who he is or what the rumors say. He needed to be taught a lesson. Father Kieran: You are gonna start a wr! The Sheriff: I'd like to see them try. Oh, and Kieran, this is the last time you call a meeting. Next time you wanna criticize our leadership, send a damn email. Father Kieran: I thought you called this meeting...? The Sheriff: The hell we did. [Klaus enters the room] Klaus: Actually, I called it. It appears I made a grave error during our earlier conference. My friend Marcel offered me wise counsel, and I failed to heed it. The Sheriff: I'm glad to hear you've learned your lesson. Klaus: Oh, I won't be making that mistake again. [calls out] Marcel! [Marcel vamp-speeds to the Sheriff and sab his neck. Marcel grins, content, as the Sheriff bleeds and people scream. Klaus approaches him, smiling] Klaus: Shall we...? Marcel: After you! Rosseau's Bar, Meeting Room - Klaus, Marcel and Father Kieran. [Klaus drinks the last drops of blood from a seemingly dad woman. He's alone with Father Kieran, Marcel occupied with his own body on the floor out of sight, and there are a bunch dad bodies on the floor] Klaus: There he is. Our lone survivor. Such a sad day for our city. [He pats Father Kieran on the shoulder] Some of its best and brightest klled in a tragic boating accident on the Mississippi. Rather nasty explsin, I heard. [He looks Kieran in the eyes] What am I going to do with you? Marcel: [stands up] Okay, hold up. I've know Kieran for a long time. He's smart and he's fair. I think he can do us more good alive than dad. Not to mention he's Cami's uncle. [Klaus looks at him questioningly] Don't see you care about things much-- it's kinda hard not to notice when you do. Klaus: Very well. Use this reprieve to remake your human faction. Father Kieran: And how do you expect me to remake the Mayor? Klaus: Well surely there's a deputee Mayor. Choose new leaders. Then we'll re-open negotiations. [Klaus takes his leave] Werewolf Camp In The Bayou - In The Evening Rebekah: [looks around the werewolf encampments] All these wolves really travel in style, don't they? Elijah [opens the door to a trailer]: Empty. Rebekah: Piled on the pavement, perhaps. Elijah: So, proceed then. Rebekah: Let's not, and tell Hayley that we did. Then, you get to impress the girl, and I can go home. You know how hovels depress me. Elijah: [smiles slightly] I'm not trying to impress the girl. Rebekah: I should bloody hope you are, why else are we out here? [Elijah remains silent] Come on, Elijah! You've fallen for her, admit it. May do wonders for the stick that's lodged up your enduringly stoic arse if you did. Elijah [smiles]: If I admit to you that it's complicated, would that suffice? Or, are you determined to torment me throughout this endeavor? [They hear a noise and turn to find that the hunting party has returned. One of the vampires is feeding from a werewolf. Elijah vamp-speeds over to Diego and pulls his head backwards by the hair] Elijah: Darling, we need to stop meeting like this. This is how rumors begin! [He releases Diego] You can go now. [No one moves] Perhaps I'm not making myself clear here. This is a thrat. In precisely three minutes' time, your little hunting party will become the prey. Now, based on your recent failure to subdue my baby brother Niklaus, this, despite a better than a 100-to-1 advantage. I recommend you heed my warning. [Diego is frustrated and embarrassed, but leaves with his guys] Rebekah: Impressive. Elijah: Well, I thought the situation demanded something a little dramatic. [The hurt werewolf, Cary, is groaning in pain on the ground. He gets up] Cary: Who are you people? Elijah: [notices that Cary wears necklace with a ring around his neck] I would say the better question is: Who are you? The French Quarter, Outside Klaus: [drinks from a flask] To our united front! This act of yours, the imitation of friendship. Don't get me wrong, you played the part well enough, I should know, having played it myself. There was a time when the affinity between us was quite real. Marcel: Sure. And then you got it in your head to take what I created. When I picked up that coin I swore loyalty, Klaus, not friendship. I'm holding up my end, the other one has to be earned. Klaus: Fair enough. Then, you should probably know the whole story. My decision was not entirely my own. If I didn't agree to usurp your power, the witches swore to kll my unborn child. But, at first, the promise of an offspring meant little to me. Then I recalled my father; how he held me in contempt from the moment I was born. As yours did with you. I will not do to my child what was done to me. To us. [he drinks deeply] Marcel: All this - the spying, the manipulation - that's just something you were forced into. Is that it? And what now? You feel kinda bad... "Hey buddy, it's nothing personal." Is that it? Klaus: I admit. I was jealous. I saw the empire you had created on your own, without me. I saw it - and I wanted it. Marcel: You're wrong, you know. I didn't do it on my own. I stood in the shadow of my father my entire human life, and I never would've gotten out from under it, if not for you. You're the one who taught me that a man can't be defined by anyone but himself. [pauses awkwardly, then continues] So, what now? Klaus: This community that you've built - you have their respect. Their love. I could rule them but I cannot win them, not without you. So rule with me. Side by side as equals. Friends. Brothers. [Klaus raises the bottle. After a while Marcel drinks from it. Klaus smiles cheerfully] Klaus' Living Room [Klaus is reading a book when Hayley walks in] Hayley: Those werewolves you ordered klled, that's my family. Klaus: Not for long, love. I mean, this so-called family of yours, they haven't done you much good, have they? [Hayley avoids his gaze] You said it yourself: they abandoned you and left you on your own. Now it's simply your turn to do the same. Hayley: Maybe they had their reasons. Klaus: [loses the book angrily and gets up] Yes, while I have reason too, little wolf. If the werewolves are dad, then the vampires have less desire to kll you. I am trying to keep you safe. Not that you appreciate the effort. Hayley: And as soon as I have this baby, what happens to me then? [They both stare at each other in awkward silence] Hayley: Right... Well, lucky for me I have a little while before I find out. [she smirks bitterly] And in the meantime I will find a way to pay you back for this. As long as I'm in the family, you can't do a damn thing about it. [Hayley leaves] Davina's New Bedroom [Davina is searching through a cardboard box. Hayley finds her] Hayley: What are you looking for? Davina: My violin. It must be left in the attic. Hayley: So, just go get it. Davina: I can't. It's not safe for me out there. Hayley: Funny, I was under the impression everyone was afraid of you. Davina: The witches are after me. Hayley: You mean that crazy witch, Agnes? Yeah, she tried to kll me too. The thing is, she's dad. Elijah klled her. Davina: But.. Agnes was the last living Elder. If she's dad, then I'm safe. Marcel would've told me. Hayley: Maybe he didn't wanna lose his secret wapon against the witches? Davina: You're lying. Hayley: Why would I lie to you? Davina: Because you want something from me. Everyone does. Hayley: Do I want something from you...? Yeah, Davina, actually I do. Thanks to your friend Marcel, most of my family is cursed. They're stuck in their wolf form, except on a full moon. Now, I'm smart enough to know that every curse has a loophole. And, well, you're the strongest witch I've ever heard of. But I wouldn't lie to you to get what I want. I'd ask you. I guess that's the difference between Marcel and me. [Hayley turns away and leaves Davina, who watches her leave. Josh walks in] Josh: Looking for something? [Davina smiles when she sees he brought Tim's violin] I figured with you vacating, the attic would be a safe zone. Found this there. Davina: It was dangerous for you to come back, Josh. Josh: Yeah, well... What are friends for? Or whatever. [Davina laughs gently] Josh: Hey, what did Hayley want? Davina: Do you trust her? Josh: I don't know. Why? Davina: She told me about a witch being klled. An Elder, but I don't know if she... Josh [interrupts]: Yeah, crazy Agnes? I heard about that, that Elijah went all berserker on her crew. I guess it was super gross, just like heads and guts... bleh! [Davina looks at him, concerned] What? You hate the witches. Davina: Hayley was right. Marcel is just using me. Josh, I can't stay here. I'm not gonna be their puppet, you have to get me out of here! Josh: Okay. But where else are you gonna go? Mikaelson Mansion [Klaus is in the parlor, playing the piano all alonee. Rebekah walks into the room, but doesn't notice Klaus right away] Rebekah: I stink of the bog! Klaus: Serves you right, for your pathetic attempt to undermine my rule. [Elijah joins them when he hears Klaus' voice] Rebekah: Nik, listen. Klaus: When I order wereolves to be hunted to extinction, I expect you to stand aside and let the blood flow. Elijah: How delightfully democratic of you. [He throws a ring to Klaus, who looks at it] Do you recognize it? Perhaps you don't, it has been a thousand years since you last saw it grace the hand of our mother. The ring was in possession of one of the very wolves whose extinction you just ordered. So naturally, I questioned him. He spoke of a legend. A legend wherein long ago, a chief of theirs had fathered a child to a very powerful witch. Their mythology further states that this child, a son, was later transformed into something this clan had never before seen. Something werewolf and vampire. Rebekah: Nik, we're trying to make amends. We found remnants of your family. The bloodline of your true father. And we saved them from being slaughtered at the hands of the vampires you command. Elijah: Niklaus, your ambitions have come before this family for far too long. Niklaus, I beseech you please, come home. Klaus: What home? This pathetic substitute? You see, despite all your doubts, all you attempts to thwart me, I've reclaimed our true home. I took back the entire city. Elijah: You have the audacity to boast of your victory when the mother of your child remains your prisoner? Klaus: It all comes down to the pretty little wolf, doesn't it, brother? Rebekah: Stop it, both of you! Klaus: [stands up behind the piano] Even if this is what you say it is, I have had enough of family to last me a lifetime. Why would I possibly want any more? [Klaus leaves Rebekah and Elijah alone in the house. Elijah looks sad, defeated] St. Anne's Catholic Church [Father Kieran lights candles at the altar. Klaus interrupts him] Klaus: Ah, good. You're awake. I have a favor to ask. Father Kieran: I am saying prayers for the dad. I request a moratorium on favors for the king. Klaus: Well, you'll like this one. It involves helping people who need protection. Father Kieran: And whom, may I ask, do they need protection from? Klaus: Me. You see, I recently ordered the slaughter of a group of vagabonds out in the bayou. Turns out, I may have been too hasty. Thing is, if the vampires find out I'm protecting them, it won't sit well. Father Kieran: [sighs, and hestitates for a moment] I think I can arrange something, on one condition. - For her own good, I believe it is time for my niece to leave town. [Klaus hurries out] Cami's Apartment [Cami is listening to a phone recording from her earlier conversation with Klaus and Marcel. [Klaus:] 'Oh, it's quite all right. She knows' [Marcel:] 'She does?' [Cami:] 'That you're vampires? Don't worry. He's compelled me to forget everything as soon as I leave.'] Klaus [interrupts]: You're tenacious. It's one of the things I like most about you. Cami: [shouts] Klaus, you can't keep-- Klaus: [interrupts again] But you're looking for truths you don't want to find. Monsters are better left as fiction. It's time for you to leave this place, Cami. For your own good. Cami: You are such a coward! This isn't about me. You have kept me here for weeks just so someone, anyone, would see who you really are, and now that I have, it scares the hell out of you, doesn't it? Klaus: If you knew even a fraction of who I am, it would break you in two! Cami: Then show me. [Klaus prepares to go, but Cami grabs his arm and he lets her see into his mind] KLAUS' MEMORY [It's in the 10th century. Klaus attcks a human just after being turned into a vampire, feeds, and the person dies. Klaus starts to turn into a wolf after activating his werewolf curse, becoming the first true hybrid. He screams, his bones cracking. Mikael and Elijah come running] Elijah: Niklaus! [Elijah wants to run to his brother, but he can't as he is held back by Mikael] Mikael: He's a beast. [Mikael binds Klaus to a wooden cross] Mikael: Elijah, hold him down! [Elijah hesitates to help] Klaus: Brother, please! Don't let them do this to me! Mikael: Do it now, boy! Now! Elijah finally obeys and ties the ropes holding Klaus cptive] Klaus: Help me. PRESENT DAY Cami: [sobbing] Oh, my god. No one should have to experience things like that! Klaus: Knowing what you do about this world will only get you klled, and I cannot allow that. [He compels her] Leave New Orleans. Forget everything you've learned here today. Forget me. You have no reason to stay. Cami: I have no reason to stay. [Klaus leaves and Cami is standing there with tears in her eyes, confused about what happened] The Garden Cellar Marcel [to Rebekah]: Look, things are good with your brother right now. He wants to run things with me - as partners. But if we keep meeting like this behind his back... You said it yourself, whatever it takes to stay alive. Rebekah: Oh, this is about survival, is it? If you were this pathetic a liar with my brother, I'm surprised he hasn't k*lled you already. Marcel: Come on, Rebekah... Rebekah: The only reward anyone ever gets for loving Niklaus is suffering and death. You're choosing him over me, aren't you? Again. Marcel: Rebekah, I got people to look out for [he sits down beside Rebekah] and Klaus is offering me a chance to do that. With Davina working her magic against the witches, and an Original by my side, that's not something I can just turn my back on. Not even for you. Rebekah: When you were reliving history with my brother, did you happen to revisit what came next in 1919? Or have you forgotten our little secret? I know the words that will make him hate you forever. Remember that when you're embracing your new "family". French Quarter, At The Balcony [Hayley is on her own. Elijah turns up] Hayley: Are they..? Elijah: They're safe. All of them. [he smiles at her] [Hayley and Elijah hug] Hayley: Thank you. What you did, Elijah, it means a lot. [Elijah notices Hayley's bare shoulder and her crescent moon birthmark] Elijah: You should keep this covered up. Hayley: I will. Elijah: If any of the others saw this... Hayley: I promise. Elijah: I should go. [Hayley looks at Elijah's lips and clearly she wants to kiss him. He barely manages to keep himself composed and doesn't give in to it] Hayley: Right. [Elijah disappears] French Quarter, In The Backyard [Klaus is about to walk the stairs when he notices Elijah] Klaus: Haven't you had your fill of telling me all the ways I've disappointed you, Elijah? Elijah: Well, there is something important we neglected to discuss. I accused you of having ulterior motives regarding the child. I was wrong. I'm sorry. Klaus: I imagine that must have been hard for you to say. Elijah: You don't make it easy to love you, brother. Klaus: And yet, you're obstinate in your desire to do so. When you're ready, should you be so inclined, both you and Rebekah are welcome to join me here. It is, after all, our family home. [Klaus leaves Elijah downstairs] Cami's Apartment [Cami is preparing to leave. She stuffs her things into a bag. There's a knock on the door. Cami opens. It's Davina] Davina: [upset] Cami, I need your help. Marcel has been lying to me, and I can't trust him anymore. Cami: [surprised] I'm sorry. Do I know you? [Davina lets herself in and closes the door behind Cami] Davina: Oh, you've been compelled. Cami: Ok, what are you doing? Davina: It's ok. I can fix you. [she focuses] I'm really sorry, but this is gonna hurt. [Davina holds out her hand towards Cami and magically begins to undo the compulsion. Cami screams in pain] END CREDITS Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x09 - Reigning Pain in New Orleans"}	foreverdreaming
Rebekah: [voiceover] For centuries, people have come to New Orleans looking for a fresh start. Looking to find adventure, fortune, and even love. Young society women imported from France with the promise of marrying a proper New Orleans gentleman like the legendary Casket Girls. Louisiana, 18th Century [Three French women are travelling by Horse and Carriage] French Woman: Excuse me sir, how long before we arrive at the Governer's House? Rebekah: (voiceover) Little did they know that the men who awaited them were far from proper, and not at all gentle. [The carriage carrying the three women stops as they approach a group of men with torches and alcohol in the middle of the road, blocking their path. The men are shouting as they approach and shake the carriage. The women scream until the shaking stops, and replaced by the shouts of the men outside. They look around, frightened and confused. The man inside the carriage slowly opens and looks around at the devastated of deceased and bloody men scattering the floor. He looks ahead and tries to back inside the carriage as he is pulled out by an invisible force as he screams.] [Rebekah appears in the door of the carriage with blood on her lips.] Rebekah: There, there little lambs, all the bad men have gone away. [in French] You're safe here, please forgive the disorder. [in English] Us girls have got to stick together. Now, is there anything you want to take with you? [The women abandon the carriage and the carnage and run from the scene with some belongings.] OPENING TITLE AND CREDITS French Quarter, New Orleans, Present Day [New Orleans is abuzz with mills of people in town for the annual Casket Girls Festival in which a horse and carriage is seen with people drinking, dressed up in old costumes. Rebekah is walking down the busy street with a smile on her face.] Rebekah: [voiceover] The Casket Girls legend lives on, now celebrated in typical New Orleans fashion with stylish costumes and supernatural flair. It's a yearly reminder of how woman can be oppressed by selfish men and how they can triumph when brave enough to fight for themselves. Camille's Apartment [Camille screams in agony on the floor. Davina is working her magic, removing the compulsion from her mind as Josh stands in the background] Cami: Oh god, it hurts! [Davina knees down in front of her] Davina: I'm sorry, Cami. It's the only way to break Klaus' compulsion. Josh: Believe me, I know what it's like. You're okay. And hey--all these notes that you made? It's very Momento of you. Nice work. Cami: We've been at this all night. I don't understand what's happening to me, I don't understand any of this-- Davina: But you will. I will unlock every stolen memory, undo every piece of mind control that any vampire has ever done to you. When I'm done, you will understand all of it, and you'll be free. [bat] I can stop, if you want me to. Cami: No, don't stop. I want to remember everything. The Abattoir [Hayley is standing in front of a mirror, trying to fasten the zipper on her dress. Elijah appears at the door behind her.] Elijah: Would you like some help? Hayley: [smiles] You might need to use all your vampire strength. Elijah: Allow me. [Elijah stands behind her and begins to fasten her zipper and buttons.] Hayley: Thanks. Not too many pregnant Casket Girls, I guess. Elijah: I think you look lovely. Only I would... [He touches her birth mark and she covers it with her hand] Hayley: I know, keep the freaky werewolf birthmark covered. Elijah: Well, I don't suspect any of the riff-raff here would dare lay a hand on you, knowing you're under the protection of my family. Still, you shouldn't take any chances. [Hayley looks at herself in the mirror and sighs] Hayley: All knocked up and nowhere to go. Elijah: You know... if you wanted the attend the festivities tonight, I would be more than willing to take you. Hayley: Hmm... you and Klaus are barely on speaking terms. Let's not rock the boat, okay? Elijah: Of course. Hayley: Elijah, do you mind? [Hayley motions to her zipper and Elijah steps forwards unbuttoning and unzipping her dress. He hesitates before smiling and leaving.] Main Street, French Quarter [Rebekah is at a store, searching through racks of dresses] Rebekah: Dull, dreary, hideous- [Marcel appears behind her] Marcel: Talking about the clothes, or something else? Rebekah: Why, feeling insecure? This festival might as well be in my honor. I need a proper costume, so bugger off. Marcel: Bekah- [He attempts to touch her and she throws his arm off her] Rebekah: Don't. You made your choice. You and Klaus are best friends again, you've relinquished your right to touch me. [Marcel's phone starts to ring] Rebekah: I wonder who that could be. Marcel: [Over the phone] What's up? [Klaus is on the phone walking up and down the courtyard] Klaus: A bit of an issue. It seems our little bird has flown the coop. [Davina is working her magic again whilst Camille screams. Davina drops to her knees] Davina: You should start to feel, like, a weight lifting. Josh: And your cheat sheets are about to make a lot more sense. [He drops files onto the floor, and the sunlight streaming through the window burns his hand. He winces in pain and quickly jerks his hand back] Davina: I promise, as soon as the world stops hunting me, I will find the daylight ring spell. Josh: I know, just... don't worry about that right now. [Camille slowly picks up a photo] Cami: I remember why I wrote this. I found a picture of Klaus and Marcel from 1919. Klaus compelled me to go out with Marcel, to spy on him. That's what he said yesterday, before he told me to forget. I'm remembering. Davina: Let's take you back more. [Camille nods and Davina puts her hands on Camille's temples and begins to work more magic, Camille begins to remember.] Klaus: Leave New Orleans. Forget me. Your brother was ill. You have no reason to stay. [Camille remembers the compulsion and her nose begins to bleed as she returns back to the present, where Davina is kneeling in front of her] Living Room, The Abattoir Klaus: You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to know the obvious. Our secret wapon has escaped. Marcel: She wouldn't just leave, she knows the witches want her back. [Elijah appears from around the corner and Marcel turns towards him] Elijah: Her violin is missing. She may have left of her own volition. Marcel: What did you say to her in the attic? She lied to my face so she could stay up there, thinking that you'd help her control her magic. How do we know you didn't take her? Elijah: I have no idea where Davina is, or why she ran away. Can I suggest you take a step back? [Marcel eyes him for a moment before turning away] Elijah: I can assure you I have absolutely no desire to see that child come into harm's way. She's suffered enough with this Harvest ritual nonsense. Klaus: That child, to whom you refer to so affectionately, is the most powerful witch in New Orleans. If she's fled, what's to stop her from destroying us? In fact, destroying all we've worked for? No, if she's not a friend to this family, then she is our enemy. Marcel: She is a friend, Klaus. Klaus: Well, let's hope so. Lucky for you, I know how to get her back. Follow my lead. [Klaus leaves and Marcel goes to follow when Elijah stops him.] Elijah: You know how Niklaus operates. If he perceives a thrat, he can become quite ruthless. This would not bode well for Davina. Marcel: I'm not going to let anybody lay a finger on her. Elijah: Nor will I. Courtyard, The Abattoir [Hayley and Rebekah are ruffling around chests, looking at old white dress costumes] Hayley: So the witch is missing, huh? Rebekah: Walked right out of the front door, apparently. Know anything about it? Hayley: No, although I did tell her that the witch Elders were dad. Rebekah: Well, why would she care, when the witches tried to kll her in their ritual? Hayley: I think it was more that Marcel didn't tell her that the one thing preventing her from being free had been eliminated. Rebekah: So you are the reason she's run off. Hayley: Hey, I was just telling her the truth. She's the one who realized they were just using her to keep their control over the witches. Rebekah: Yeah well, I've never been a fan of the boys club. Just wait, Elijah will join them and the three of them will be impossible. [They watch Marcel and Klaus on the balcony muttering quietly] Rebekah: Used by the witches, lied to by Marcel, manipulated by Elijah, thrat by Klaus. Just like a modern-day Casket Girl. Hayley: Are you talking about Davina or yourself? Rebekah: Does it matter? Either way, us girls have got to stick together. Rousseau's [Sophie is on a table making out with an unknown man when Sabine enters and interrupts them with a cough.] Sabine: Sorry to interrupt. [Sophie looks back at the man and pats his shoulders as he leaves] Sabine: I've been calling you for like an hour. Sophie: I thought you'd have taken the hint. Sabine: You've been acting like this since Agnes was klled. Sophie: Yeah, can you blame me? It's not like I have a lot to keep me going these days. Sabine: Well, while you've been drowning your sorrows by nailing everything that walks, I've been doing my tours, keeping my head down and my ears open. Marcel's daywalkers are scouring the whole town looking for a girl – brown hair, blue eyes, sound familiar? Sophie: If Davina is not with Marcel, he won't know if we're practicing magic.. And if we can actually get her back, we can fix everything. Sabine: Sun goes down, vampire search parties quadruple. [Sabine holds up Davina's old hairbrush] Sabine: I got this from her family's old house. Feel like a locator spell? Camille's Apartment [Davina pours water into a glass and sets it on the kitchen table in front of Camille with Josh standing behind them] Davina: Keep drinking. You need the vervain in your system so you can't be compelled again. Josh: Hey Cami, you don't have any like... human blood in your fridge, do you? Davina: For crying out loud, here. [Davina holds her arm up in front of Josh's face. He hesitates a moment before taking a hold of her wrist. She then stops and spaces out as a vision flashes through her mind. Camille stands up.] Cami: Davina? Davina: Someone's practicing magic. They're trying to find me. Cami: Then we have to run. [Camille is returning from a room with belongings underneath her arm, she shoves them into a bag] Davina: There is no way to sneak me out of the Quarter. By now, everyone's looking for me – the witches, Marcel, Klaus. Cami: My uncle will know what to do. Davina: Cami- Cami: I mean, he has to know some of what's going on in this town, right? Davina: Cami stop. Cami: Unless he's been compelled. Davina: He knows. Cami: What are you talking about? Davina: He knows. He works with Marcel. They're practically friends, I hear them talk. He knows everything. [Camille is shocked and she looks at Josh who returns from the other room] Cami: No. He would've told me if he knew the witches put a hex on my brother. [Davina says nothing and looks to Josh who remains silent.] Cami: He knows? Davina: Cami- Cami: Oh, my god. He knows. [Camille sits down and Davina heads over to her] Josh: Hey, you guys seriously need to go, like now. Plane, train, automobile, whatever. Take my car, it's parked down at the docks. I'll text you the where. Davina: Put your number in Cami's phone. Most of the Quarter is shut down right now, we'll have to walk. And the sun is taking forever to go down. Josh: Hey, no tears. [Davina hugs Josh] Davina: Promise you'll met us as soon as it gets dark out? Josh: Yeah, don't worry about me. Just don't let them find you. [Davina smiles and nods] The Abbatoir Courtyard [Hayley is walking through the courtyward with two of Klaus' guards behind her] Hayley: I know Klaus told you to follow me, but does that really mean you have to follow me to the bathroom? [The two guards cross their arms over their chests as Hayley's phone rings. She lifts her phone and sees "Sophie Deveraux"] Hayley: Give me two minutes, it's my gynecologist. [Hayley heads into the parking garage and shuts the door, answering her phone] Hayley: What the hell do you want? [The scene shifts back and forth from Hayley to Sophie standing in the graveyard] Sophie: I know you don't trust me, but you need to listen. Everything is about to change. Davina's on the loose. Hayley: Figured that out on your own, huh? Remind me again why I should give a damn? Sophie: I need something from you so that the witches can complete the Harvest. Hayley: On what planet would I help you witches get more power? All you've done is hex me left and right. Sophie: You'll help me because if we don't complete the Harvest, our access to magic will fade for good, which doesn't bode well for your family. Hayley: What do you know about my family? Sophie: You're from the Crescent Wolf bloodline. Marcel forced a witch to curse them so they'd be trapped in wolf form. Hayley: And I should keep listening to you because...? Sophie: Because my bloodline excuted that curse. Help me complete the Harvest and I'll undo the curse for you. Hayley: But what can I do? Sophie: I need to consecrate the remains of a powerful witch so I can absorb their magic. I know of one whose body was never found. Her name is Celeste DuBois. I believe you and she have a friend in common? Hayley: Elijah. Sophie: Story goes that when she died, he buried her in a secret spot at her request. All you have to do is find out where. [Hayley hangs up and sighs] Main Street, French Quarter [The Festival is in full swing, marching bands and people partying in dressed up costumes to celebrate. Davina, in disguise with a mask over her face and Camille walk hurriedly down the sidewalk] Davina: There's people everywhere. Cami: Just keep walking, no one knows it's you. Davina: Cami- [Camille and Davina stop as they see Klaus walking ahead of them, searching around] Cami: We have to get off this street. [Camille and Davina rush off down a side street. Marcel and Elijah are in the middle of the street talking quietly to another] Marcel: Kieran is gonna call me first if he hears anything. [Klaus approaches them] Klaus: Ah, you two look rather cozy. Marcel: Hardly, I was just telling Elijah how we're wasting time. Klaus: You don't like festivals? [Rebekah shows up] Rebekah: I don't see why not? Who doesn't love a street fair? Klaus: Sister, come to help us find our stray? Rebekah: We can't let your secret wapon get in the wrong hands, can we? Klaus: For the record, we're moments away from retrieving her. Elijah: I recognize that tone of voice, Niklaus. Clearly you have some diabolical machination. What is it? [Klaus smirks before he walks closer to a figure ahead] Klaus: Timothy... [He puts a hand on his shoulder and compels him] Might I have a word? Camille's apartment [Josh is still in her apartment on his phone] Josh: Cami! It's me. Again. Stalking you. Look, just really need to know where you guys are so I can meet you before the sun comes up. Again. [His phone beeps and he looks at who is trying to call him from an unknown number] Josh: Uh, hello? [The scene switches from Klaus in the street with Timothy and Josh in Camille's apartment] Klaus: Joshua, my most disappointing minion. I suspected you wouldn't answer the call were it from me. Josh: Klaus. Hey. What up? Guess what, I just moved to Turkey. Weirdly, they don't eat turkey here. Go figure. Klaus: You're lying. In fact Marcel and I were just chatting about your failed double agent status, and we've surmised that you're likely still in town and in the company of a friend – a young, angry witch. Josh: Nope. Nope. No witches here. Totally digging Turkey, though. Klaus: Are you really going to leave Davina's fiddler soul mate, Timothy alone with me? Oh, Josh. What would she think of that? I assure you I just wanna talk to her. Tim and I will be at the compound. I really do hope she comes home soon. [Klaus hangs up] St Anne's Church [Davina and Cami enter the church] Davina: We should keep moving. How long do we have to wait? Cami: Give it a few minutes, then I'll check to see if the coast is clear. [Cami's phone vibrates. She picks it up.] Cami: Josh, sorry I missed your calls. [pause] What? [The shts alternate between Cami in the church and Josh at Cami's place.] Josh: Look, I didn't want to tell you, but I know Klaus. If Davina doesn't show up, he'll kll Tim. Cami: We'll think of something. Make your way to the Quarter. Stay hidden. We'll text you when we have a plan. [They hang up] Davina: I have to go. Cami: Davina, wait. Davina: I can't let Tim die. [Davina senses another flash of magic] Cami: What's wrong? Davina: The witches. [The latches on the church doors clank loudly. The witches enter, chanting.] Witches: Gadyen nan balans. Gadyen nan la foi. Se pou nou fe sa yo dwe fe. Davina: NO! [The church's foundations begin to tremble. Davina levitates the witches, including Sabine, then snaps their necks using her magic. They fall to the ground, dad. Davina goes to Cami, who lies on the ground.] Davina: Cami? [Cami doesn't budge, Davina leaves the church] MIKAELSON MANSION [Hayley enters the house, her two bodyguards in her wake.] Hayley: I'm just grabbing some clothes. Give me two minutes, please? [Hayley goes to a trunk and pulls out Elijah's journal. She looks for anything about Celeste, and reads several passages.] Elijah: [voiceover] Celeste entrances me... She is perfection... She is dad. Even as the sun rises, I see only night. But for the promise I made to her, that in death, I would bury her far from the mayhem of witches, vampires, and men... Hayley: I am so sorry, Elijah. THE FRENCH QUARTER [Davina hurries through the festive streets of the Quarter when Josh finds her.] Josh: Hey, it's just me. Don't, like, melt me. Davina: What are you doing? You're supposed to be hidden. Josh: Yeah. So are you, remember, but you're kind of working that whole "girl on a mission" look that makes me nervous. Are you sure that you really want to mess with, like, the baddest dude in all of history? Davina: He messed with me when he took Tim. I'll kll him, all of them. Josh: Davina, Originals can't be klled. Davina: Maybe they can. I have so much power, I've never felt anything like it before. It's growing, gathering inside me. I'm strong, Josh. Josh: If you kll them, then-- Davina: What? Josh: If you're gonna do it, don't hold back. You ht them with all you got. [Davina leaves. Rebekah startles Josh by appearing suddenly] Rebekah: That was very sweet, not telling Davina that if she kills Klaus, you die, too, very noble. Problem is, she goes after my brother, she'll be the one who ends up dad. A very unnecessary end to an already tragic story. Perhaps you'd like to help me help her. THE ABATTOIR Klaus: Where's Rebekah gotten off to? Elijah: It's not Rebekah that I'm concerned about, and how can you be so certain that Davina will come? Klaus: One might think you've forgotten what it's like to be in the grip of an all-consuming infatuation. She'll come. Elijah: Are the maudlin theatrics absolutely necessary, Niklaus? Klaus: Ha! It's a fair point, Timothy, play something a little more upbeat, please. That's a good lad. Took you long enough to spread the word. Elijah: Have you met his nightwalkers? Not the brightest assortment. Marcel: All that matters is, I got it covered. When Davina gets here, you two need to let me do the talking. Klaus: Well, I'm sure you'll have your chance. Hello, love. Silence is golden, Timothy. Thank you. Tim: Davina? Davina: You got me here. Now let him down. Klaus: Well, first, we have to have a little chat about you returning to the fold. Marcel: (to Klaus) What did I say, Klaus? I got this. (to Davina) D, what happened? Why'd you run? Talk to me. Hey, I can make it right. Davina: How, by thrat my friend? Klaus: Actually, that was my idea. Apologies. I've been known to go too far to make a point, But I do always get results. Davina: You pretend to be so confident, but I know the truth. You're afraid everyone can see what you really are-- an animal. [she tortures Klaus with magic] A beast. Why don't you show us your real face? That's enough of you. [She incapacitates Klaus] Elijah: Davina, you don't have to do this. Davina: You-- You looked me in the eyes and lied to my face, pretended you wanted to help me. Elijah: Listen to me. Davina: (to Elijah) You call yourself the noble one, but you're a kller just like your brother. For 1,000 years, you've fed on innocent blood. Why don't you choke on it? (turns to face Marcel) And you-- I trusted you. I loved you, but you were just using me to stay in power. You don't care about me. Marcel: You're wrong. Davina: When you lost to Klaus, you handed me over like some trophy. Maybe I should boil you in bronze. Marcel: I care. I took you in like you were my own blood. [Rebekah sab Marcel through the chest and he falls over] Rebekah: Come on now, love. Don't tell me you were falling for that. Isn't it time for us girls to have a chat? Now, that is impressive, and well-deserved, in my opinion. Now, before you turn on me, I have a surprise for you. [Josh enters the courtyard] Davina: Josh, what are you doing? Get out of here. [Rebekah grabs Josh by the throat] Josh: What are you doing? Rebekah: Now, if I were Klaus, I would rip Josh's head from his neck, feed it to a nightwalker, and that would be the end of your friend But hurting people is such a boyish thing to do, like how Klaus compelled your fiddler on the roof, and, while I am many things, I'm certainly not my brother. It's ok, Timothy. You can come down. No one is gonna hurt you. Tim: He told me I couldn't climb down off this beam. Rebekah: Then don't climb, silly. Am I the only smart one in the room? Jump. [Tim jumps down and Rebekah catches him. Tim goes to Davina] Tim: Davina, how did you do all that? How did I even get here? Davina: I'll explain everything, I promise. [to Rebekah] Why are you doing this? Rebekah: Seems to me that you're the one holding all the cards, but you don't know who to trust. I've just proven that you can trust me. Now I'd like to show you one more thing. Won't take long. You can bring your friends. THE WOODS [Sophie is on the phone with Hayley. The shts alternate between them] Hayley: Look, Sophie, I told you everything that I found. Sophie: You said he buried her between two lovely oak saplings. News flash-- that was 200 years ago. They're all just trees now. Hayley: You want to be the all-powerful witch, keep looking. Say a prayer. Have a little faith. You can do this. [Sophie hangs up] Sophie: Ok. Soeurs et freres, mwen rele sou nou. Mennen me sa me chache. Please, please help me. I'm trying to do the right thing. THE GARDEN [Rebekah takes Davina, Tim and Josh down into the Garden] Josh: Oh, don't worry. They're not really dad, just really hungry... and I'm not helping. Rebekah: You think my brother Nik is awful? Marcel learned from the best. This is how he treats his so-called friends who betray him. Most of what these poor souls did is no worse than what Josh did. Take Thierry, for example. He was Marcel's most trusted friend. Klaus tricked him into breaking one of Marcel's rules. Marcel knows this, and yet he keeps Thierry locked in here day after day, suffering. Tim: This is insane. Davina: Why are you telling me this? Rebekah: Because you need to know who you're dealing with, who you can trust. Tim: Hey, hey, it's gonna be ok. I mean, you're gonna be all right. Here. Drink something. [Tim hands her a bottle of water, and Davina drinks from it] Rebekah: Davina, both you and I have been lied to and taken advantage of by Marcel and Klaus. Maybe together, we can get a little payback. [Tim starts coughing and falls to his knees] Davina: Tim? Tim: It was Klaus. He made me do it. I didn't even know what I was doing until I made you-- Rebekah: Made her what? Tim: Drink. Davina: Tim? Rebekah: Klaus poisoned the water. Davina: Tim? Josh: Davina? Oh, no. ST. ANNE'S CHURCH Kieran: Cami, are you all right? Did you eat today? Oh, you must have fainted. Cami: Yeah, or I got mystically cold cocked by 3 witches. Where's Davina? Does your friend Marcel know she's here? Kieran: Cami, I can explain. Cami: Vampires? Witches? My brother, your nephew, hexed by a witch.How could you not tell me? Kieran: It's complicated. There's a lot you don't understand. Cami: You hid the truth from me. You let me believe that Sean was crazy, that I was crazy, instead of telling me the truth. Kieran: I was protecting you. You saw what happened to Sean. Cami, please-- Cami: Get the hell away from me. You are every bit as bad as the other monsters in this city. THE ABATTOIR [Elijah, Marcel and Klaus revive] Elijah: Well, isn't this monumentally awkward. Klaus: Rebekah, where are you? Rebekah: I'm with Davina, and she's dying because of your treachery. Klaus: Well, I tried to talk to her out of respect for Marcel, but she made it quite clear she is not our friend. My apologies is you thought she was yours. Rebekah: Just tell me how to cure her. Vampire blood isn't working. Klaus: No. It wouldn't. You see, the poison I compelled Timothy to feed her is quite potent. It's just a matter of time for her. Rebekah: For both of them, you diabolical bastard. They're children. We could've dealt with her fairly. Klaus: There is no dealing with those who thrat us. Davina sealed her fate when she stood against me. This was her choice, not mine. [He hangs up. Elijah and Marcel stare at him] Klaus: Oh, come on. The stench of your judgment is overwhelming. Need I remind you that Davina just bested the lot of us? I did what had to be done. Don't worry, Elijah. I remain as redeemable as ever. Elijah: So you compelled that boy to poison Davina without consulting Marcel or myself. Marcel: You know what the worst part is? It's that you're so predictable, I had to make an alliance with your brother, who I don't even like. Klaus: Judging by your expression, you have something you'd like to share. Marcel: Damn straight, I do. I got a call from Kieran earlier, right after Sabine and some witches almost got their hands on Davina first. FLASHBACK Marcel: Oh, hello. Let me guess, protection spell? Sabine: You think I'd let a day where witches can do magic pass by without one? They all should've done the same. Marcel: You broke one of my rules, Sabine, and I'm guessing that spell of yours is probably a one-time deal. I'll give you two choices-- an immediate reunion with your dearly departed friends, OR, you can do that same spell for a young witch friend of mine. [Sabine gives him a look] Yeah, you probably know which one I'm talking about. END OF FLASHBACK Klaus: So, when you slipped away to allegedly check on your nightwalkers, you were, in fact, colluding with a witch. That's very clever. I suppose I should be proud. Marcel: Eh, I just wanted to make sure I had a failsafe just in case, as Elijah expected, you started acting like you. Klaus: Except that now you've involved the witches, who, last time I checked, were enemy to us all, to everything we have, and to our family. Elijah: Davina is Marcel's family, Niklaus, or did that somehow slip your mind as you tried to take her life? You will call Rebekah. You'll tell her that Davina will recover. Do wish the same could be said for that boy. THE GARDEN [Davina revives, gasping. She turns to Tim's body] Davina: Tim? Tim? Tim, Tim, wake up. Tim, please wake up. Open your eyes. No, no. Please wake up. Please don't leave me alone. THE ABATTOIR [Rebekah carries a sleeping Davina into the courtyard] Marcel: Is she ok? Rebekah: She's devastated and exhausted. Where's her room? Marcel: No. I got her. I got her. [Marcel takes Davina. Rebekah glares at Klaus before walking away] Rebekah: [voiceover] It is said that this is a man's world, and sometimes it is. For every Casket Girl that was saved, countless others were not. DAVINA'S BEDROOM [Marcel watches over Davina] Marcel: She'll never trust me again. Elijah: Perhaps. You must never surrender the fight to reclaim that trust. Rebekah: [voiceover] But women are more resilient than given credit for. Elijah: These drawings, what are they? Marcel: She drew those the whole time she was in the attic, said they're different than what she draws when she senses magic. These ones, she called them evil. Rebekah: [voiceover] And some women, well, let's just say their oppressors had better watch out. THE QUARTER [Klaus walks through the Quarter and sees Cami walking toward him] Cami: Surprised to see me? After all, you did compel me to leave town. Klaus: You remember. Cami: Chalk one up for decompulsion. Hurts like hell, but it's worth it. Made me realize exactly why I want to stick around. Oh, and Klaus, if you hurt Davina or Josh in any way, I'll expose you to the world, and then you can kiss the French Quarter good-bye, forever. Have a nice night. THE GARDEN [Rebekah talks to Thierry] Rebekah: I, too, am resilient, and I'm tired of being oppressed. For 1,000 years, my brother has taken what he wants in whatever way he wants, regardless of the consequences. Marcel seems determined to allow it, and Elijah stands right by his side, futilely awaiting the day that he'll change. Thierry: So men suck. What do you want me to do about it? Rebekah: Despite your dire warnings to Marcel, he just can't seem to quit my brother. The two of them stand side by side ruling this city whilst you're left in here to rot. I want you to help me take New Orleans right out from under all of their noses, and I have something they won't see coming, someone on the inside. She's quite the resilient girl herself. DAVINA'S BEDROOM [Marcel finally leaves. Davina opens her eyes when the door closes] BAR ROOM IN THE ABATTOIR Hayley: You ok? Elijah: I'm better now. How was your day? Hayley: k*ller. What's with the artwork? Elijah: Davina's sketches. I wonder if they represent some kind of premonition. They seem to suggest something is coming. Something sinister. Hayley: Oh, my god. Isn't that... CELESTE'S GRAVE Sophie: Hello, Celeste. THE ABATTOIR [Hayley tries to call Sophie] Hayley: Come on, Sophie. Pick up. Pick up. END CREDITS Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x10 - The Casket Girls"}	foreverdreaming
ELIJAH: The Italians call them strega. The Yoruba of West Africa call them aje, meaning mother. Where my mother was from, they called them hexa, and here we call them witch. Over the centuries, vampires have fought them and fought beside them, bedded them and brned them. Whether adversary or ally, they have been a force to be reckoned with. Their ancestral magic anchors this city. There's never been one all-powerful witch until Davina. KLAUS: Who is now tucked in safe and sound down the hall under my protection. Your Celeste was quite beautiful and a portent of evil according to our volatile artist in residence. ELIJAH: Yes. Perhaps Davina's mistaken what she calls evil for power. Celeste was certainly very powerful in her day, but she's been dad for over 200 years. I don't understand. Why all these sketches now? KLAUS: Why does any witch do anything? DAVINA'S ROOM DAVINA: Go away! (Makes Marcel fly against the wall.) MARCEL: Come on. You got to be starving. You haven't eaten since-- DAVINA: Since your best friend klled my best friend? MARCEL: Davina, I'm sorry about what happened to this kid Tim. DAVINA: I'm sorry you don't hate Klaus for what he did or want to make him pay. MARCEL: He'll pay for what he did one way or the other, but right now, I just want to make peace with you. DAVINA: Why? So we can be one big happy frankenstein family? ANOTHER ROOM KLAUS: Well, that's going well. ELIJAH: If you were trying to win the girl's trust, perhaps poisoning her one true love was not the most splendid idea. KLAUS: Oh. Are there any more inopportune deaths you'd like to wave in my face? ELIJAH: Give me a month. I'll get you list. KLAUS: Young, old, dad, or alive, witches are a pain in the ass. DAVINA'S ROOM (Davina starts vomiting dirt) MARCEL: Davina, Davina! (Klaus enters) KLAUS: What's with all the racket? Bloody hell. ANOTHER ROOM HAYLEY: Elijah? There's something you need to know. (The house begins to shake, like there's an earthquake. Hayley and Elijah go to the balcony and see Rebekah) REBEKAH: What the hell is going on? KLAUS: Davina. TITLE CARD AND OPENING CREDITS DAVINA'S ROOM REBEKAH: Hey. What kind of game do you think you're playing? I said disrupt the household, not destroy the whole city. DAVINA: I didn't do it. Not on purpose. I--I don't know what's wrong with me. ANOTHER ROOM KLAUS: This is madness. How can a 16-year-old girl shake the entire French quarter? MARCEL: I've seen her rock the church, but I've never seen anything like this. KLAUS: How did you control her when she was in the attic? MARCEL: I didn't have to, but then I never klled her boyfriend. KLAUS: Yes, yes. We've been over this part already. The point is in her present state she's useless as a tool against the witches. MARCEL: She's not a tool. KLAUS: Something's wrong with her. ELIJAH: She has too much power that she cannot control. That much we already knew. But why is it manifesting itself in such an aggressive manner? KLAUS: Where are you going? ELIJAH: This is witch business. Let's ask a witch. (Elijah meets Hayley outside the room) HAYLEY: You're going to see Sophie. ELIJAH: You don't have to eavesdrop. I keep nothing from you. HAYLEY: Yeah. Well, I don't want to keep anything from you either, and if you're going out to see Sophie, then there's something that you should know. She called me and asked me for a favor. She promised me that she would help break the curse that Marcel put on my people in exchange for some information. And I didn't think anything of it, but then Davina started doing those pictures of Celeste-- ELIJAH: Whatever this is, you have to tell me. HAYLEY: Sophie wanted to find Celeste's remains, so I went through your journals, and I found out where you buried her, and then I told her. I know it was stupid and it was snoopy, And I--I should have just asked you. Please say something. Please. ELIJAH: She wanted to be left in peace. When a witch's remains are consecrated, that power fuels the rest of their community. Celeste did not want her remains to be found. She made me promise to bury her where she would not be found. You not only violated my privacy, You have broken my promise to her. HAYLEY: I thought they were just bones, Elijah. ELIJAH: If you truly believed that, why didn't you ask me where to find her? CEMETERY SOPHIE: If that's dinner, I pass. SABINE: Sophie, where have you been? SOPHIE: Short answer-- grave robbing. Stop whatever you're doing. We need to find Davina. I figured out a way to complete the harvest. SABINE: What? How? SOPHIE: We need an elder to do it, right? I figured out a way how to become one. SABINE: Soph, you can't just become an elder. That power has to be bestowed upon you by the other elders, all of whom are dad. Following my logic? SOPHIE: How about follow your history? I did research. In 1742, there was a witch mssacre that wiped out all the elders, so they decided whoever consecrated the most powerful dad witch in the community became an elder. It worked for them. SABINE: Teeny flaw. What powerful witch is even left for you to bury? SOPHIE: Meet Celeste Marie-Hélène Dubois, Elijah Mikaelson's old lover. She was drowned in 1821 for being a witch. He buried her, never told anyone where. SABINE: So how the hell did you find her? SOPHIE: I bribed Hayley to read his journals, and then I dug her ass up so I could consecrate her bones and absorb her power. SABINE: That's not disrespectful. SOPHIE: Yeah? Well, we only have a couple more weeks to complete the harvest. SABINE: Soph, I'm aware of our deadline, but-- SOPHIE: And if we fail, the witches are done for in this town. Our power will fade for good. Those girls sacrificed will never resurrect. My niece will never come back. If digging up some creepy old bones means I get Monique back, I don't care about anything else. ELIJAH: I happen to care. You're coming with me. THE ABATTOIR ELIJAH: So you have stolen the remains of the very person that Davina's been drawing for months. Would you care to explain this startling coincidence? SOPHIE: I can't. I didn't even know who Celeste Dubois was until I-- (The house shakes, like the apparent earthquake before) SOPHIE: Was that Davina? KLAUS: Charming little habit she's developed. SOPHIE: And the earthquake I felt today? REBEKAH: Also Davina, and she's taken to vomiting dirt. SOPHIE: Oh. We have a huge problem. I thought that we had more time, but we need to complete the harvest now. KLAUS: Said the desperate witch conveniently. SOPHIE: I'm serious. That earthquake you just felt a preview of the disaster movie that is about to ht us. ELIJAH: Why should we believe you? SOPHIE: You've met Davina, you know her story. For months now, she's been holding all the power of the three girls sacrificed in the harvest ritual. A force that was meant to flow through her and back into the earth. One person was never meant to hold that much power. It's tearing her apart, and it will take us down with it. THE FRENCH QUARTER – EXTERIOR KLAUS: We need to prepare. According to Sophie Deveraux, as Davina self-destructs, she'll cycle through four stages that represent the four elements that bound together the harvest. KIERAN: The earthquake? KLAUS: Yes. Earth stage comes first. DAVINA'S ROOM REBEKAH: Then comes wind, and since each stage is more intense than the last, let's just say you'll blow the roof off this place. OUTSIDE KLAUS: Then after the wind is water. KIERAN: Rain, flood. How bad? KLAUS: Quite bad actually, but that's not the worst of it. THE ABATTOIR SOPHIE: The last stage is fre, and since it's the last OUTSIDE KLAUS: It will be by far the worst. But I didn't take over this town to watch it burn to the ground. KIERAN: You can stop this, right? KLAUS: Yes, but you're not gonna like how. DAVINA'S ROOM REBEKAH: They want to complete the harvest. DAVINA: - No! - The witches say you'll be resurrected. They're liars! They'll say anything to get what they want Just like Marcel, just like you. REBEKAH: Davina, you may think that I don't care about you, but you're wrong. I know what it's like to have your life stripped away from you because of other people's bad decisions. How do you think I became a vampire? ANOTHER ROOM ELIJAH: You've convinced my siblings. You have yet to convince us. SOPHIE: We don't have time to waste. The first sign's already come and gone. MARCEL: So fix her. SOPHIE: She can't be fixed. DAVINA'S ROOM (Rebekah has a syringe) DAVINA: What--what is that? REBEKAH: The more upset you become, the faster you deteriorate. I compelled up some sedative. DAVINA: No, no, no! REBEKAH: We keep you calm, we keep you alive Davina. DAVINA: - Stop! - ANOTHER ROOM SOPHIE: She can't be saved. This will not stop at the earth sign, and if you wait it out, you immortals will be the only ones left to argue about it. DAVINA'S ROOM DAVINA: No! Please! No! Please! Nooo! (High winds blow through the Quarter. Rebekah finally injects the sedative and Davina goes unconscious. The wind stops) ANOTHER ROOM SOPHIE: Convinced now? THE ABATTOIR ELIJAH: We sedated her too heavily. KLAUS: Well, if this is her sedated, I'd hate to see her otherwise. We all agreed that Davina must be sacrificed. There's no need to let her blow the roof off our heads in the meantime. MARCEL: No way! You're not touching her! KLAUS: Ok. I'll let you have that one. ELIJAH: Marcel, no one wishes to see Davina come to harm less than I, but there is no scenario here in which we simply wait this out. She's going to die. MARCEL: According to Sophie, the witch who screwed over everybody here. ELIJAH: The harvest was working before it was stopped. If a nonbeliever like Sophie Deveraux can come to have faith that these girls will be resurrected, then I, also, am a believer. MARCEL: I saved Davina from the harvest, and now you want me to just hand her over? KLAUS: Do you think that I'm happy about this? If the witches complete the harvest, not only do they regain their power, we lose our wapon against them. The earthquake I was willing to chalk up to hideous coincidence, but these winds? If Davina is not sacrificed, then every inch of earth that shook, everything blwing about now will soon be drenched in water and consumed by fre. MARCEL: Oh! Now you care about the city. ELIJAH: We ought to. We built it. KLAUS: And we all saw it burnt to the ground twice. I will not let that happen again. Do I make myself clear? MARCEL: Yeah. Yeah. (Marcel leaves) ELIJAH: Not a people person, are you, Niklaus? KLAUS: Nonsense. I love people. Just on my way to warn a couple of prominent ones in case the weather gets out of hand. If you fancy yourself as plus diplomatique, perhaps you'd like to come along. ELIJAH: No. Soon Sophie Deveraux shall be consecrating Celeste's remains, and though her actions are reprehensible, still I should pay my respects. HAYLEY: Hey. Do you have a minute? ELIJAH: Just on my way out. KLAUS: Which one of us is the people person again? ROUSSEAU'S REBEKAH: Fat lot of good that will do. SOPHIE: I don't really have time to socialize. REBEKAH: Good. Neither do I. When you're done burying your witchy bits on sacred ground, are you prepared to perform the harvest? You do realize you have to slit a girl's throat, a very sweet girl as it turns out. SOPHIE: If it means I get my niece Monique back, I can handle anything. Why are you really here? REBEKAH: When all this is done, after Davina is resurrected and the witches get their power back, You'll have a decision to make. SOPHIE: Enlighten me. REBEKAH: A witch at her full power can trade body blows with a vampire punch for punch. Believe me, I know. SOPHIE: So do I. Be nice to have a fair fight for a change. REBEKAH: Well, fair only gets you so far, luv. Clever gets you further. After this, Marcel will still be here, and so will Klaus, and you know better than anyone that those two don't fight fair. You are going to need an original on your side, and I'm gonna need a witch on mine if we're gonna stop those two from running things. SOPHIE: Am I missing something? Why would you side with me? REBEKAH: Sometimes, what's more important is not who you're siding with but who you're siding against. DAVINA'S ROOM (Marcel remembers the night of the harvest) :DAVINA: No, no! Let go of me! Stop it! MARCEL: I got you. I got you right here. VAMPIRE: Hey. Klaus said not to. MARCEL: I'm done caring what Klaus says. (Marcel snaps the guards' necks and takes Davina) CEMETERY SABINE: You don't have to be here for this. It's gonna take some time for Sophie to prepare for her consecration. ELIJAH: I have time. I owe her this. SABINE: Care to elaborate why? ELIJAH: Have you ever experienced something so profound and wonderful that when it was taken from you your life felt unbearable? SABINE: Yes, I have felt that, and I've got the scars to prove it. ELIJAH: I believe that when you love someone and that person loves you in return you're uniquely vulnerable. They have a power to hurt you that's like nothing else. (Elijah's phone rings and he answers it) ELIJAH: Rebekah. REBEKAH: He's taken the girl. ELIJAH: Who has? REBEKAH: Bloody, bloody Marcel! KLAUS: And you wanted to run off and start a life with this back sab. REBEKAH: Says the man who was shacking up with him not two seconds before all this went down. Ok. We need to divide and conquer if we're gonna stand a chance. He could have gone anywhere. ELIJAH: Well, I'm here with Sabine. Perhaps we could try a locator spell? KLAUS: I'll talk to the priest. They might even be at the church. It's the last place we'd think to look for them, right? REBEKAH: Ok. You check the church, I'll check everywhere else. THE ABATTOIR (Hayley KLAUS: What are you doing? HAYLEY: I was gonna take these to the KLAUS: If you say, "bayou," I will find a nice comfy dungeon and throw you in it. This is not the night to be out there. HAYLEY: For anyone. But some people don't have a choice. KLAUS: Right. Grab that lot and come with me. CEMETERY SOPHIE: I consecrate these bones to the earth. Ancestors, hear me. I consecrate these bones to the earth. Ancestors, hear me. INSIDE A MAUSOLEUM SABINE: This isn't working. ELIJAH: She's nowhere to be found. SABINE: No. It's more like she's everywhere. She's hemorrhaging magic. That means we have less time than we thought. We have got to find her. I have no clue where she is. ELIJAH: Please concentrate. Try again. LOCATION NEAR THE DOCKS (Davina wakes up and throws Marcel away with her magic) MARCEL: I'm not gonna hurt you. DAVINA: I don't believe you! You want to kll me just like everyone else. MARCEL: I'm the one who put a protection spell on you, Davina. That's why Tim's dad and you're not. And before you throw me again, if I had known anything was gonna happen to your friend, I would have protected him, too. DAVINA: You're the one who saved me? MARCEL: Yeah, but now the witch who did the spell is in league with the rest of them, so I had to take you away. DAVINA: So you could use me as a wapon? MARCEL: I'm trying to keep you safe. Davina, look at me. I messed up. All this power that you have, it gave me an advantage. It helped me punish the witches, and it let me run the city, and I let that mean too much. MARCEL: All right, but that's over with now. One survivor to another, all I want to do is keep you alive, I swear. DAVINA: I'm scared. I don't know what's wrong with me. MARCEL: You're not alone. We'll fix this. DAVINA: You won't let them hurt me? MARCEL: No. Nobody's gonna touch you. ST. ANNE'S CHURCH KIERAN: We still haven't gone through all that you've already provided, Klaus. KLAUS: Well, this newest bit isn't from me. KIERAN: Oh? That's very kind of you...? HAYLEY: Hayley. And these people are? KLAUS: I asked Father Kieran to give them shelter. He suffers from an incessant desire to do good. But now I need you to be useful. Marcel and Davina have disappeared. I assume from the stupefied look on your face they haven't sought refuge in your attic. KIERAN: No. Those days are gone. KLAUS: Then energize your resources. I don't need to remind you how important it is they be found. KIERAN: Yes. (Kieran leaves) HAYLEY: These people, they're werewolves, and the priest, he said that you donated the food. You're helping them? KLAUS:They're not your werewolves. They're my clan. From very far back. They've fallen upon hard times, and their plight has brought out the philanthropist in me. What can I say? Must be Elijah's influence. HAYLEY: What do you mean your clan? KLAUS: The blood that runs in their veins runs in mine. And in our child's. HAYLEY: This family gets more complicated by the second. KLAUS: Listen, Hayley, word of advice when dealing with Elijah. Don't do as I do. Just apologize. He's accomplished in many things, but he is a master of forgiveness. CEMETERY SABINE: Ok. Oh, ok. She's somewhere near the river. I can't be more specific. ELIJAH: It's something. It's a start. SOPHIE: It didn't work. I tried to consecrate her and absorb her magic, but there's nothing there. ELIJAH: I don't understand. A witch's magic is infused in her bones until consecrated. SOPHIE: Well, then someone's already taken it because there's nothing there. ELIJAH: Has to be another way. SABINE: There is no other way. SOPHIE: Unless you know of some superpowerful dad which whose bones were never consecrated, it's over. ELIJAH: There is someone else actually. Our mother. THE ABATTOIR REBEKAH: It's taken 1,000 years, but you've finally gone mad. Our own mother? ELIJAH: Yes, our beloved mother, who Niklaus has affectionately placed in a coffin in his basement, not daggered but quite dad. KLAUS: Well, she did try to kll us all. ELIJAH: Well, I say we put her to use and put her to rest once and for all. Now if we bury our mother on land owned by one of her descendents, she becomes a New Orleans witch, and we as her family share in that ancestral magic. REBEKAH: We're vampires, Elijah. We can't practice magic or own property for that matter. ELIJAH: Yes. With regard to practicing magic CEMETERY SOPHIE: That's where I come in. After they bury their mother, They can channel all her power to me. Only hitch is as conduits of Esther's magic, they need to participate in the harvest. THE ABATTOIR ELIJAH: And as for owning property Not all of our mother's descendents are dad. KLAUS: The baby. ELIJAH: The baby. The parish tax assessor's office is just steps outside of the quarter. Hayley now holds the title to the plantation. So if we bury our mother there and we consecrate those grounds, we can finish the harvest ritual. KLAUS: You're a bit of a mad genius, Elijah. Count me in. REBEKAH: Am I the only one thinking? Our mother was the most powerful witch in history. If we bury her, we hand that power to our enemies to use against us. ELIJAH: Given our circumstances, I hardly see that we have a choice, Rebekah. REBEKAH: I don't know why I bother. You two will just do what you want anyway. ELIJAH: No. Our decision must be unanimous. KLAUS: This is not a democracy. ELIJAH: You're quite right. This is family. Water. The next sign's gn. Rebekah? REBEKAH: kll a demon today, face the devil tomorrow. Count me in. KLAUS: Well, this is no family reunion without our mother. I'll fetch her. THE GARDEN THIERRY: So much for your grand schemes of using Davina for revenge. REBEKAH: Survival first, plots to overthrow my brother second. Where would Marcel hide something precious to him? THIERRY: You think I'm just gonna offer that up so you can leave me here to rot? Water runs downhill. You think I have to have drowned before to know how much that will suck. REBEKAH: fre kills vampires, Thierry. You think burning to ash will be pleasant? Look. I am not forsaking you. I promise to live up to my end of the deal. I'll get you out of here when all of this is done. Just tell me where Marcel would go. THIERRY: There's a place by the docks. LOCATION NEAR THE DOCKS DAVINA: If I can just wait it out a few more weeks... Help me, please. MARCEL: I will, and when it's over, I'll do what I should have done-- get you out of town. DAVINA: I had a dream that Tim wasn't dad. He played a song that he wrote for me, and he kissed me, and we were just normal. REBEKAH: That sounds like a beautiful dream. MARCEL: What are you doing here? REBEKAH: But it was just a dream. MARCEL: Get out! REBEKAH: This is klling her. Your stubbornness will mean her death. MARCEL: I promised her I'd fight for her. I'm not breaking that promise. REBEKAH: No one is asking you not to fight. You're the only family that this girl has. You owe it to her to fight for her to live. CEMETERY KLAUS: Did you find them? Will he bring her? REBEKAH: He'll bring her. KIERAN: Are you ready to do this? KLAUS: Always and forever. (Klaus takes a dagger out and slices open his hand, and hands it to Rebekah. She does the same, then Elijah, then Hayley. Kieran takes the dagger and throws it into Esther's grave) KIERAN: It's done. LOCATION NEAR THE DOCKS DAVINA: Marcel, it's ok. MARCEL: No. I failed you. DAVINA: I'll die whether I do this or not. I mean, now the only option is-- is whether I take everyone with me. If you look at it that way, it's kind of selfish not to do it. MARCEL: There has to be another way. This is not how it ends. DAVINA: And if it is... If this is all I have, I've had a lot. I had Monique, and I had Tim And I had someone who fought for me from the moment you met me. MARCEL: Ah, Davina. DAVINA: Most people don't get that even if they live to be a hundred. Marcel, I'm ready. THE CEMETERY (Flames erupt on the ground) SOPHIE: fre. (Marcel is carrying Davina over and sets her down. Sophie puts a blade into the flames and walks toward Davina) SOPHIE: Do you believe in the harvest? DAVINA: I believe. (Sophie slits Davina's throat. Davina falls back and Marcel catches her in his arms and lays her down. It stops raining. The magic leaves Davina's body.) SOPHIE: After the harvest comes the reaping. Their sacrifices made and accepted. We call upon our elders to resurrect the chosen ones. (nothing happens.) We call upon our elders to resurrect the chosen ones... Resurrect your chosen ones... Please? I beg... No! (Sophie starts sobbing, Marcel looks toward Klaus with look of hatred, then speed vamps away.) THE ABATTOIR (Klaus comes upon Marcel throwing things) KLAUS: That won't bring her back, you know. MARCEL: This is YOUR fault! I should have never let you anywhere near her! KLAUS: Marcel. MARCEL: This city was fine before you came. We were fine! Davina was safe, she was in control! If you hadn't gotten her worked up, if you hadn't klled that boy! KLAUS: My condolences the girl is gone. But don't lose perspective. We still have our community. The vampires of this town... MARCEL: I don't CARE about the vampires! She is dad! Do you hear me?! (Klaus hugs Marcel.) KLAUS: I'm sorry. You may think I know nothing of your grief, but you are wrong. In the days after I fled this city, I thought you were dad. It was years before I could speak your name, so keenly did I feel that loss. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. THE FRENCH QUARTER – EXTERIOR HAYLEY: Are you ready to forgive me yet? ELIJAH: It's not that easy, Hayley. HAYLEY: Elijah, I was wrong to go through your journals, I was wrong to tell Sophie about Celeste, but after everything that happened today, I don't know why we can't see past this. ELIJAH: And you of all people should know why. During my fever in the bayou, you were inside my mind. You know what Celeste means to me. HAYLEY: Don't you mean meant to you? ELIJAH: No. Do you have any idea how rare love is? In a thousand years, I have found it but twice, and when I have, I have honored it. HAYLEY: I know what a promise means to you, Elijah, but you made it 200 years ago. I live in the now. If I feel something, I act. If I want something, I take it. I won't choose the dad over the living, so why are you? I'm sorry, Elijah. THE ABATTOIR KLAUS: This whole thing was doomed from the start, you know? Yes, we saved the city, and I'm not complaining about the witches losing their power, but this did not go down the way I thought it would. You surprised me, though. You were quite resourceful today. How did you find them down at the docks? REBEKAH: You're not the only one with clever little spies in the quarter, Nik. KLAUS: Sometimes I think I don't give you your due, little sister. REBEKAH: I knew Elijah's plan was mad, but I really thought it would work. KLAUS: So did I. I was sure Davina would survive. There was so much life in her. REBEKAH: What about the power? Four were supposed to rise, and none did. Where did all that power go? CEMETERY (Sabine conducts a spell with a small doll. Three people in various locations rise from the dad, and walk until they meet one another.) GENEVIEVE: Why are we here? PAPA TUNDE: Someone brought us forth. Who? SABINE: I did. BASTIANNA: Sabine! What's the meaning of this? SABINE: Bastiana, I've had to endure people calling me "Sabine" for almost a year now. I'd appreciate it if you'd call me by my real name-- Celeste. END CREDITS	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x11 - Apr\u00e8s Moi, Le D\u00e9luge"}	foreverdreaming
[Genevieve and Celeste (in Sabine's body) stroll through the cemetery] GENEVIEVE: Oh, I remember this cemetery. Hmm. Hasn't changed a bit. SABINE / CELESTE: I've been coming here over a century, wearing one face or another. FLASHBACK--LAFAYETTE CEMETERY, 1919 [Genevieve approaches a woman kneeling in front of a tomb, praying to her ancestors] GENEVIEVE: Clara Summerlin, will you come on? We're gonna miss everything. [The two walk over to where a crowd of witches are standing around a bonfire, playing congo drums and watching as a witch dances around the flames. Papa Tunde walks out with an albino python around his shoulders, which he hands to his sons after clapping in order quiet the crowd] GENEVIEVE: Told you. Every witch in the Quarter is here to see the great Papa Tunde. PAPA TUNDE: Witches of the French Quarter, thank you for your welcome. It is good to be among people of the faith. I, too, practice ancestral magic, honoring those who walked the path before us. From them, we draw strength. And you will need strength, for a great darkness is coming. The city your forefathers left you is now overrun by pirates, beasts, and vampires. [Papa Tunde takes the python from his sons and throws it into the fre, and many of the witches gasp in surprise and fear] PAPA TUNDE: I practice other magic, as well. Sacrificial magic, channeling power from the lives of my offerings. I use this strength to vanquish my enemies, and I will punish your enemies for their greed. In return, you will accept my family into your coven, and me as your leader. FLASHBACK--A MEETING ROOM, 1919 [Two men enter the room and join Elijah and a police officer at a table] ELIJAH: Gentlemen, make yourselves at home. Mayor O'Connell appears to be running late, but there's much to discuss, so I shall begin. KLAUS: [walks down the stairs to join them] One moment, please, brother. You know how much I enjoy these illicit, little gatherings. ELIJAH: [to the men] Do not be troubled. Despite my brother's reputation, I can assure you, we've invited you here to broker in peace. You have my word. KLAUS: And, lucky for you, my brother always keeps his word. You two are from the Guerrera crime family, a brutish pack of thieves and Kllers. And that's nothing compared to what you become on a full moon, is it? ELIJAH: Yes, yes, yes. Of course, a bite from your kind is not lethal to an Original. Conflict between us would not end well for you at all. Let's state our proposal here. My brother and I control the ports of the city, but with Prohibition soon to be the law of the land, there'll be a certain uptick in the kind of federal presence we prefer to avoid. Therefore, I'd like to suggest a system whereby, under our supervision, of course, the Guerrera family can traffic alcohol into the city of New Orleans for a profit. We would still be in charge, but our rule would remain a secret. [Papa Tunde walks into the room with his sons following behind him] PAPA TUNDE: This all sounds very good, but tell me, how will it benefit the witches? ELIJAH: I am sorry. This is a private meeting. PAPA TUNDE: Yes, for kings of the city, but I, too, am a king, and I have rules. KLAUS: I'm impressed. You're either quite ambitious or quite mad. What's your name, mate? PAPA TUNDE: I am Alphonse Bellatunde Delgado, Papa Tunde to my followers, and I come to ask that the witches be granted fair tribute for allowing your existence in our city. ELIJAH: Are you suggesting that you speak for the french quarter witches? PAPA TUNDE: I do now, and I expect our future negotiations to go very smoothly. As a guarantee, I brought a gift. I await our next gathering. [A small leather case is placed on the table. Papa Tunde and his sons leave. Everyone else gathers around as Klaus lifts the lid on the trunk to reveal a head inside with a symbol carved into his forehead] KLAUS: Well, I suppose we'll need a new mayor. PRESENT DAY--THE ABBATOIR COURTYARD [Marcel comes down the stairs into the courtyard with a bottle of bourbon in his hand. Diego sees him enter and approaches him as Marcel walks over to sit down at a table] DIEGO: Hey, Marcel, maybe you know what's going on. Klaus ordered us to meet here, and now he's a no-show. MARCEL: What do you want from me? It's a new regime. Get used to it. [Klaus enters the room with Thierry and makes an announcment] KLAUS: Dearest brethren, your attention, please. No doubt, you're all surprised to see Thierry Vanchure, who's supposed to be rotting in the Garden for the crime of klling one of our own, and I personally decided to issue him with a pardon. I hope you'll all welcome home Thierry. [Thierry smiles and gives Diego a hug] DIEGO: Welcome home, man. MARCEL: [to Klaus] You're in a good mood. You should visit Mystic Falls more often. KLAUS: Well, as much as I might like to, I have pressing responsibilities here. [turns to address the crowd of vampires] Now, as you all know, the witch Davina is no longer with us. Without Davina, we can no longer monitor the activity of our witch neighbors. However, since their Harvest failed, their magic will soon be gone forever. Until then, I say we keep them on their toes. Diego, I wonder if you might lead a rousting in the cauldron. [Diego smiles and starts to plan with the other vampires. Marcel grabs his bottle and goes to storm away, but Klaus stops him in the doorway] KLAUS: Marcel, I'd hoped you would join Diego. MARCEL: Nah. I'm gonna take a personal day. [He pushes past Klaus and leaves] IN THE FRENCH QUARTER [Rebekah and Elijah walk through the streets of the Quarter as they talk about recent events] ELIJAH: Now, you may doubt him, but today, I saw Niklaus demonstrate mercy towards an enemy. Tell me that's not progress. REBEKAH: Please, Elijah. Who do you think convinced Klaus to let Thierry out? ELIJAH: Why would you do such a thing? REBEKAH: Because, despite Klaus' reprieve, Thierry despises him. I like that about Thierry. I also like that he used to date a witch, so he knows about French Quarter covens. Maybe he can lead me to whoever stole off with the Harvest magic. ELIJAH: Rebekah, we are all devastated by the outcome of this ritual. REBEKAH: That's just it. There was no outcome. We both know that power like that doesn't just vanish. I say someone stole it. I'd like to know who, and then I'd like to make an ally out of them. ELIJAH: To what end, exactly? REBEKAH: I'm tired of being thrat and controlled by our tyrant brother. If you want to stop a bully, you need the power to stand up to them. ELIJAH: I expect such behavior from Niklaus. It's so very disappointing when it comes from you, Rebekah. Do you not see that, in his way, he's making an effort here? He's invited us back into our family home. He yearns for our family to be reunited. REBEKAH: Yes. He's in a brilliant mood now, but for how long? It's his trick, Elijah. He lulls you into a false sense of camaraderie and kinship, and then he turns on you like a snake. I fall for it every time and wind up with a dagger in my chest for my trouble. No more. ELIJAH: I believe that he is approaching some semblance of peace here. Leadership may, in fact, be a good thing for him. Now, sister, please, I ask you, if you cannot support him, then at least do nothing to provoke him. THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Klaus enters one of the rooms of the compound and finds Marcel, still drinking alone as he sits on a couch] KLAUS: Ugh, is this what's it's come to? I bear the full weight of our kingdom while you pout like a child. MARCEL: You wanted to be king. Besides, you look like you got it covered. KLAUS: If the men see you shirk your duties, they're likely to do the same. MARCEL: I told you, I am not in the mood for vampire hijinks. KLAUS: No. You'd rather sit wallowing in sorrow for your lost little friend. MARCEL: [stands up and points a finger at Klaus] Don't push me right now. KLAUS: I am sorry Davina is gone, ok? I'm sorry, but this mournful attitude is unworthy of you, and it's boring to me. [Diego enters the room to join them, looking worried] DIEGO: Hey, guys, we got a problem. THE CAULDRON [Thunder rumbles overhead as Diego leads Marcel and Klaus to the Cauldron to show them what he found] DIEGO: We came to mess with the witches, just like you said. And these two, they went missing. Found them like this, not even staked. Just dad. MARCEL: That's two more of my guys gone. Nice job, Captain. [Marcel takes one look at his dad men, puts his hood up, turns around, and starts to walk away] KLAUS: Where are you going? Someone has to account for this! MARCEL: You want revenge, get it yourself. That mark is tied to some bad mojo. Any of y'all got any brains, you'll head back to the compound and stay the hell out of this. [Marcel walks off. Klaus turns to Diego] KLAUS: We're gonna find whoever did this, and I will show them what suffering is. A WAREHOUSE AT THE DOCKS [Thierry and Rebekah walk into a warehouse to investigate] THIERRY: Used to run things down here for Marcel. Thought you'd like to see what I found before Klaus did. REBEKAH: [smirks] Not a day out of the Garden, and you're already proving yourself useful. THIERRY: We made a deal, and if it screws things for your brother, I'm all for it. Though, to be honest, this stuff makes my skin crawl. I've never seen anything like this. [They stop in front of another salt circle on the ground with two dad vampires inside. Both are desiccated and have the same symbol carved into their foreheads] REBEKAH: I have, a long time ago. Somebody is copycatting a very dangerous witch. They draw their power from sacrifice. THIERRY: I just don't understand why someone would leave it here for us to find. REBEKAH: Unless they wanted it to be found. [Papa Tunde appears from the shadows behind them. Rebekah notices him in shock and horror] PAPA TUNDE: Mademoiselle Mikaelson. REBEKAH: That's not possible. PAPA TUNDE: Sure, it is, chére. It's magic. [Rebekah speed vamps toward him to try to kll him, but Papa Tunde simply reaches out and grabs her by the throat] PAPA TUNDE: Symbole du masque et de l'ombre, embrace-toi. Embrace-toi. Symbole du masque et de l'ombre, embrace-toi. Embrace-toi. Symbole du masque et de l'ombre, embrace-toi. Embrace-toi. Symbole du masque et de l'ombre, embrace-toi. [Rebekah starts to desiccate, and thick gray veins pop up all over her face and neck. Terrified, Thierry speed vamps and disappears out of the warehouse] COMPOUND COURTYARD [Klaus, Elijah, Diego, and many of the other vampires are congregating in the courtyard, discussing their current situation] KLAUS: Ah! Someone will die for this. ELIJAH: Remarkably, I don't disagree. However, I would like to know where they learned such dark magic. KLAUS: I had hoped never to see that symbol again. I recall it is the signature of a fool who once stood against us. ELIJAH: Clearly, some upstart witch is salvaging old tricks. KLAUS: I'll do for him as I did the other. [turns to Diego] Diego, when night falls, I want you to gather every vampire in the Quarter. Get me the head of whoever did this and put it on a stick. DIEGO: Yeah. That's gonna be a problem. Everyone is freaked out, man. We haven't had witches klling vampires in a long time. Marcel made sure of that. KLAUS: Marcel has run off like a scared child. You lot are left with me. Now, who of you will fight to defend our home? [looks around to see that no one comes forward] Not a single one of you will stand with me, so afraid are you of this new thrat? You should know better. I'll handle this myself. [Klaus storms off] ROUSSEAU'S CAMI: [on the phone] Sophie, the restaurant is an epic disaster again. Do you think maybe you could come in today and... [the voice mail interrupts: "User's mailbox is full."] CAMI: [annoyed] Good-bye. MARCEL: Looks like I should've been here last night. [Cami, startled, looks for anything she can find to use as a wapon, finally settling on an empty liquor bottle] CAMI: Before you try anything, I'm on vervain. MARCEL: Yeah, Klaus mentioned you broke free of his compulsion. Good for you. Sophie around? CAMI: No. Why? MARCEL: Got a witch problem. Thought she might have answers. [he sits down] Mind if I wait? [he grabs a bottle off the bar and pours himself a drink] CAMI: It's a little early for day drinking. Let me guess, Klaus problems. I thought you'd be on top of the world now that you have Davina back. MARCEL: Davina is gone. CAMI: [shocked] Was it Klaus? I told him, if he hurt her... MARCEL: It wasn't like that. The power that she had was too much. We tried to fix her with this crazy-ass ritual, and something went wrong. Now she's...I don't know, floating in limbo, or waiting on her ancestors. CAMI: Marcel, I'm sorry. MARCEL: Yeah, me, too. THE ABBATOIR--DAVINA'S OLD ROOM [Elijah walks into the room to find Hayley looking at Davina's old sketches] ELIJAH: There you are. HAYLEY: Here I am. ELIJAH: [gestures to the sketches] Davina's drawings. HAYLEY: Yeah. Morbid, I know. I was just thinking, we never figured out why she drew those pictures of Celeste. Anyway, I'm just klling time, now that I'm on vampire lockdown. ELIJAH: Whoever did this, we will deal with them. It won't be long. HAYLEY: I'm not worried. Just think it's kind of funny that it took some big, supernatural thrat for you to even come into the same room as me. ELIJAH: I do apologize if you feel neglected. I have been occupied. My siblings are in some quarrel. Niklaus remains agitated. You'll recall that even our slightest interactions seem to infuriate him. HAYLEY: So Klaus is a dick, and you want to be a good big brother. So we can't hang out. That sum it up? I get it, Elijah. It just seems like a really crappy deal. ROUSSEAU'S [Marcel is still sitting at the bar with Cami when his phone rings. It's Klaus. He hits the ignore button and returns to his drink] CAMI: El presidente? MARCEL: He likes to keep track of his people. CAMI: Why are you loyal to him, exactly? MARCEL: For someone who says she can't stand the guy, you sure ask a lot of questions about him. CAMI: My interest is purely academic. MARCEL: I know what you're doing. You're mad he used you, and you want to get back at him. Maybe you're hoping I'll let slip some chink in his armor. Friendly advice--don't do that. It won't end well. Let me tell you a story about someone who went up against Klaus. FLASHBACK--THE ABBATOIR, 1919 [Marcel returns home in his military uniform to find a party being held at the compound. Marcel sees Rebekah sitting at a table with an unknown gentleman, and walks toward her] MARCEL (VOICEOVER): This was right after I returned from World wr I. I'd been trying to get away from New Orleans for a while. Something kept drawing me back. KLAUS: Why don't you get me some Martinis? Thank you. MARCEL: [to Rebekah] Aren't you gonna welcome me home? REBEKAH: I wouldn't want you to think that I was happy to see you. MARCEL: How long you gonna hate me? REBEKAH: You left me in a box for fifty-two years. Twice that seems like a good start. Come on, boys. KLAUS: [approaches Marcel] There he is. Our wr hero, triumphantly returned. Oh, good to have you back, Marcellus. Welcome home. [They drink] Mm. ELIJAH: Ha ha! The prodigal son has finally learned to hold his liquor. MARCEL: The Army'll do that to you. ELIJAH: Well, it's good to have you back. Niklaus was beside himself in your absence. KLAUS: Now that you are here, perhaps you could help settle an argument. You see, you've traded a wr abroad for one here in the Quarter. Some rogue witch wants a piece of the city we built, and Elijah, for reasons beyond my comprehension, insists that negotiation is our best recourse. ELIJAH: Yes. KLAUS: On the topic of your failed comprehension, you neglect, as a soldier, Marcel has seen not only how small the world has become and how fast news can travel, but also the very horrors of wr itself. Surely, Marcel would agree with me. ELIJAH: The best way for us to defend our home is by exercising discretion. MARCEL: So who's the witch you want to kll? KLAUS: His name is Papa Tunde. I think he's a charlatan. ELIJAH: Well, Marcel shall be able to decide that for himself. You invited him here. KLAUS: Of course. We're not savages, are we? [Papa Tunde arrives at the party, and Klaus immediately approaches him] KLAUS: Thank you for accepting our invitation, and welcome. I hope you'll allow me to play the role of host. If there's anything you need- Anything at all... PAPA TUNDE: Pleasure before business, then. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! PRESENT DAY--ROUSSEAU'S MARCEL: I didn't get it at first. Klaus was the one who wanted to go to wr. CAMI: So, why was he inviting his enemy into his home? Why be so generous to someone who he's gonna have to kll? MARCEL: But, you see, that's the thing. It was all part of Klaus' plan. He was sussing the guy out, learning his weaknesses, his strengths, getting him to let his guard down. That's how Klaus does it. Then he goes in for the kll. CAMI: Because he's a two-faced sociopath. There's nothing enviable about what Klaus does. He is a monster. MARCEL: We're all monsters, Cami. If you're powerful like Klaus is, you just don't have to bother hiding it. CAMI: Davina was powerful. She wasn't a monster. THE DOCKS [Papa Tunde finishes doing his spell on Rebekah, who lays desiccated in a circle of salt, with his symbol carved into her forehead. He stands back and admires his work] PAPA TUNDE: It is done. The power of the Original sister flows through me. CELESTE: And will that be enough to make Klaus suffer? PAPA TUNDE: I will hurt Klaus Mikaelson as he hurt me. When I am done, he will wish that he could die. ROUSSEAU'S MARCEL: You gonna open this place today? CAMI: And risk you eating the clientele? MARCEL: Oh, and here I thought you were starting to like me again. [Marcel's phone rings again. He answers it] KLAUS: Ah, you've deigned to break your despair long enough to pick up the phone. MARCEL: I figured you'd just keep calling. KLAUS: I'm in the Cauldron now. You could meet me here, we could start burning passersby at the stake. MARCEL: Sorry. I'm gonna chase down my own lead. KLAUS: And where might that be, the bottom of a bottle of scotch? MARCEL: I'm at Sophie Deveraux's place. I figured I'll sit here and drink 'til she shows. KLAUS: Or, you could snap out of this funk and come and help me end this. [Marcel hangs up the the phone] THE ALLEY [Sophie Deveraux appears in the alley, drunk, stumbling around with her own bottle of liquor as she approaches Klaus] SOPHIE: Big, bad Klaus Mikaelson. KLAUS: Sophie. Just the witch I was looking to brutalize. [he speed vamps toward Sophie and grabs her in a chokehold] Perhaps you could explain the attcks on my men. THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Hayley and Elijah are in the courtyard. Hayley watches as Elijah tries to call Rebekah] ELIJAH: Rebekah is not answering her calls. HAYLEY: You worried about whoever klled those daywalkers still being out there? ELIJAH: Frankly, I'm worried that she had something to do with this. She's very displeased with Niklaus, perhaps even conspiring with others. [Elijah notices Thierry drinking alone at a table and joins him] ELIJAH: Thierry, is it? THIERRY: That's right. ELIJAH: My sister is rather fond of you. Strange, she's not typically drawn to unremarkable men. Would you care to explain your sudden magnetism? THIERRY: I don't know what you're... [Elijah, annoyed, grabs him by the throat and pushes him against the wall] ELIJAH: You can either tell me what you know, or I can distribute tiny pieces of you throughout the Quarter. THIERRY: [reluctantly] She asked me to keep an eye out on witch stuff. I found something, and when I showed her, we were jumped by some guy. He desiccated her with his touch. ELIJAH: [angry] Like a coward, you left her. THIERRY: What was I supposed to do, fight some warlock that took out an Original? ELIJAH: Where was this, exactly? THIERRY: The docks, warehouse 57. I was just doing what she asked. You cannot tell Klaus about this. [Elijah throws Thierry against the wall. He's unconscious] ELIJAH: I shall take that into consideration. HAYLEY: [worried] I'm coming with you. ELIJAH: No. Stay here. The compound is safe. HAYLEY: Rebekah is in trouble. I'm going. ELIJAH: [considers this, and sighs] Do not leave my sight. Understand? [Hayley nods, and the two leave for the docks] ROUSSEAU'S MARCEL: Me calling things off with you wasn't lack of interest. I was hoping to save you from all this. CAMI: Well, thanks, Romeo, but I'm in it. So, when are you gonna get to the good part with Klaus and that Papa guy? FLASHBACK--1919 MARCEL (VOICEOVER): Papa Tunde said he wanted to empower the witches. Mostly, he wanted money and territory. Klaus and Elijah weren't about to give him either. He didn't like that, so he went on a rampage. [We see flashes of him sacrificing his offerings] No one was safe. Not the humans in the faction. [We see Papa Tunde klling them] Not the Guerrera werewolves. He even went after the witches who opposed him. Elijah offered a truce. He gave his word, in fact, but Klaus, being Klaus, he had another idea. [Papa Tunde is waiting in their meeting place when he hears someone enter] PAPA TUNDE: You're late, Elijah. It's not like the noble brother to keep me waiting. KLAUS: I'm sorry, mate. Elijah is the brother you meet when negotiations are to be had. I'm the one you get when negotiations are closed. PAPA TUNDE: You do not scare me. You have no idea the power I possess. KLAUS: Oh, in fact, I made it a point to learn all about your power. I noticed how you're almost always near those twin sons of yours, how they bear your distinctive ,ark. Got me to thinking--you channel their power, don't you? Which, of course, begs the question: what would happen were that power to be taken away, if those sons whose lives you depend on were suddenly struck down? What of that power then? [Marcel brings in a box and sets it down. Papa Tunde looks into the box and sees the severed heads of his twin sons] PAPA TUNDE: [enraged] I will kll you for this. KLAUS: I cannot be klled. You, however... [Klaus zooms over to him and presses his thumbs into Papa Tunde's eyes and in through his brain, eventually klling him] PAPA TUNDE: Aagh! PRESENT DAY--ROUSSEAU'S CAMI: [horrified] That's awful! MARCEL: Oh, to Klaus, it's just business. CAMI: And don't you think there's something fundamentally wrong with that? Don't you worry you'll end up one of his victims or, worse, just like him? [Papa Tunde suddenly appears in the bar] PAPA TUNDE: Poor Marcellus. You remain always in the shadow of your father. Climb out from beneath it, will you, so you can die like a man? MARCEL: Cami, you need to run now. Don't look back. Just go. PAPA TUNDE: I think she should stay. I prefer an audience, and I'm about to put on quite the show. CAMI: Marcel? MARCEL: I said get out of here. [Cami, terrified, hesitates in the doorway, not wanting to leave Marcel alone] PAPA TUNDE: You cannot defeat me. I channel the power of an Original vampire. Soon, I will have all three. But first, I will take you. THE DOCKS [Sophie examines the abandoned desiccated vampires that Papa Tunde left for the vampires to find] SOPHIE: It's a complex spell. Old-school stuff, rooted in sacrificial magic. Whoever did this to your guys, my guess is they were an offering to gain more power. More guys they kll, more power they have. [Klaus' phone rings, and when he sees it's Cami, he answers it] KLAUS: (answers his phone) I didn't expect a call from you so soon. CAMI: You need to get to Rousseau's now. Some lunatic witch doctor is klling Marcel. KLAUS: Get as far away from there as you can. THE DOCKS [Hayley and Elijah arrive to where Rebekah's body was left and immediately run toward her. Elijah is also on the phone with Sophie, who is still with the other body] ELIJAH: Rebekah! [he goes to kneel next to her, but can't cross the barrier made by the salt] HAYLEY: Oh, what's happening? ELIJAH: Some kind of boundary spell. Someone is channeling her. Typically, it's a lethal process, but, because she's an Original, she can't die. Instead, she's an endless source of power. HAYLEY: So what are we supposed to do? ELIJAH: You have to get her out of there. ROUSSEAU'S PAPA TUNDE: [bends over Marcel and holds his Knfe to his forehead as he begins to carve in the mark] As I recall, you're one of the few people Niklaus Mikaelson ever gave a damn about. You know what he did to my family. MARCEL: Aah! PAPA TUNDE: The sins of the father are paid for by the son. I will take pleasure in telling Klaus how you died. [Papa Tunde is about to kll Marcel when Klaus speed vamps into the bar and stops him] KLAUS: I remember klling you. I rather relished it. What a joy it is to relive fond memories. PAPA TUNDE: You're here. Good. I can crush you before the eyes of your son. Then, I will consume you both. This time, I'm stronger. THE DOCKS ELIJAH: You're not listening. We cannot enter the circle. There's some kind of confinement spell... If I can't remove her, we can't break the link. SOPHIE: It's a convoluted spell. It's like a witch's recipe. You can spoil the balance by adding a more potent ingredient. A mystical binding agent. I don't know, volcanic ash, rock salt...anything up to and including eye of newt. ELIJAH: What about the blood of a witch? SOPHIE: [confused] Do you have the blood of a witch? ELIJAH: [turns to Hayley] I need a favor. HAYLEY: [immediately understands] The baby. She's a quarter witch. [Hayley gives Elijah her wrist, and he gingerly bites it to draw blood. They walk towards the magic circle together. Elijah holds out Hayley's wrist and lets the blood fall on the magic boundary line. It starts to fizzle and deteriorate. Elijah is able to get through, and he quickly picks up Rebekah and takes her out of the circle. He reaches for Hayley's hand, and then he speed vamps out of there with Rebekah and Hayley in tow] ROUSSEAU'S [Papa Tunde has Klaus and is about to finish him off, when he suddenly becomes weak when his link to Rebekah is broken. Klaus is able to stun Papa Tunde long enough to run over to Marcel] CAMI: Uhhh, is he dad? KLAUS: Get out of here. CAMI: Is Marcel dad? Did that guy kll him? KLAUS: He didn't finish him off. Marcel needs blood to heal. Go. Find me someone off the street. CAMI: I'll do it. KLAUS: No. Not you. I don't want you involved in this. CAMI: You don't control me anymore, remember? [She rushes over to Marcel and puts his mouth to her neck] It's ok, Marcel. It's ok. It's ok, Marcel. [Klaus looks on the two of them with a look of jealousy] AN ALLEY REBEKAH: [ambushes Thierry] Ah! I should rip out your coward heart. THIERRY: What, Rebekah? We made a deal to take out your brother, but at he end of the day, it's every man for himself. REBEKAH: I am so sick of self-serving narcissists. Are men simply incapable of committing to an alliance? [Elijah speed vamps up to Thierry and snaps his neck] ELIJAH: Oh, I asked you to cease these petty moves against our family, and yet you conspire with this fool. Is this what its come to, making moves against your own blood? REBEKAH: Don't you try and shame me. Nik grows more powerful by the day, and you do nothing but encourage him. ELIJAH: I offer him my counsel because it's clear to me that he needs to make the city our home. Now, perhaps leading these derelicts will curb some of these impulses, grant him some degree of happiness. REBEKAH: You always talk of Nik's happiness. Over 1,000 years, he has robbed me of any chance at my own. What about me, Elijah? Am I not a concern for you? ELIJAH: We all make sacrifices in the name of this family, Rebekah, but know this. I will never stand against you or Niklaus. REBEKAH: What about Hayley? Nothing I conspire to do, none of my treachery will harm this family as much as your feelings for her. You're a hypocrite, Elijah. You would choose love over family and then condemn me for doing the same. JARDIN GRIS VOODOO SHOP [Marcel walks into the Jardin Gris, where Rebekah is standing and waiting for him.] REBEKAH: Fancy meeting you here MARCEL: That symbol is already up and down the cauldron, more of them popping up everywhere. REBEKAH: I suppose Papa Tunde is marking his territory. MARCEL: I'm told you saw him, as well. REBEKAH: Yeah. Brought up a lot of memories. Memories that are best left buried. FLASHBACK--1919 REBEKAH: You're soused. Celebrating Klaus' defeat of the mad Papa Tunde? MARCEL: Not celebrating, drowning sorrows. I'm the one who brought Tunde to town. REBEKAH: What? MARCEL: I made some inquiries while I was abroad, wanted the most dangerous witch anyone could find. REBEKAH: Why on earth would you do that? MARCEL: For you. I figured if someone as bad as Tunde comes in, maybe Klaus gets chased off. Very least, he's occupied enough that he can't stop me from trying to get you back. REBEKAH: You mean to tell me that you would tear down everything my family built, everything you helped us build, risk your own life on the off chance that I would show you the slightest bit of affection? MARCEL: I would. I did. I'd do it again. REBEKAH: Klaus has klled a thousand Tundes. All his life, there's only ever been one man he has truly feared My father Mikael. MARCEL: The vampire who hunts vampires. REBEKAH: If he came here, Klaus would flee and never turn back. All we need is a witch who can help us find him. THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Klaus gives a speech to the crew of vampires in the compound] KLAUS: Not long ago, you all united against me. You failed. Since then, in my benevolence, I have wiped the slate clean, yet it seems clear you think that I am the one who needs to earn your respect, your loyalty. You're mistaken. It is you who must prove yourselves to me. Our community is under attck. I require soldiers. I need warriors, not cowards. Each of you has a decision to make. You either fight alongside me or you leave now. THIERRY: We don't owe you anything. If staying in the Quarter means living under your rule, I'd just as soon get the hell out. [Klaus watches as a handful of vampires join Thierry and walk out of the compound. Thierry looks at Diego in hopes that he'll come along, but he gives him a pained look and stays behind. Afterwards, Marcel and Klaus talk with Sophie] MARCEL: I got to admit, I thought you'd lose a lot more guys than that. KLAUS: Well, good riddance to them, I say. We've no room for slackers or cowards in our kingdom. Now that you've regained your composure, let's move on to the next item of business, shall we, with a little help from our dear friend Sophie. SOPHIE: I got no reason to help you, and I sure as hell don't have a reason to help him. KLAUS: Now, now, don't be difficult, love. You'll only live as long as you're of use to me, and right now, your best use is to explain why a witch I klled has come back for revenge. Come on. Resurrected witches with vast power? SOPHIE: It's the Harvest. To die and be reborn. I don't know how, but someone jacked that power, and they used it to bring back four witches, just not the right ones. MARCEL: So there's still a chance? If we can get that power back, we can save Davina. KLAUS: Let's concentrate on the immediate problem, shall we? Papa Tunde wants revenge. He'll continue to attck us, channeling power from the vampires he sacrifices. He kills, he grows more dangerous. So how do I end him? He needs sacrifices to gain power. SOPHIE: Hmm. You keep him from klling any more nightwalkers, that's a start. KLAUS: Unless he finds the one place with a load of vampires ready to be sacrificed. [They all look at each other with a look of dawning realization] THE GARDEN [Klaus and Marcel arrive at the garden only to discover that they are too late. All of the vampires are dad, sacrificed by Papa Tunde] LAFAYETTE CEMETERY [Celeste (in Sabine's body) meets with Papa Tunde near a crypt] CELESTE: Is it done? PAPA TUNDE: This blade now contains all the power I harvested from the vampires. It will do things worse than death, even to an Original. CELESTE: And are you ready for the final offering? PAPA TUNDE: In the name of the witches of the French Quarter, it is my honor. [he hands her the bone Knfe] CELESTE: Thank you, Papa Tunde. [she stands behind him and slits his throat with the Kn*fe] END CREDITS -Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x12 - Dance Back From The Grave"}	foreverdreaming
(Kieran's holding a mass.) Kieran: Thank you all for coming. It means more than I can tell you. We gather today for the first public service of our newly reopened church. St. Anne's can finally once again be the heart of our community, where we can congregate as a people united. Here, this hour, we come together to praise God and give thanks. The events that took place at our church were tragic. (Klaus and Marcel, sitting next to each other, start to talk, while Kieran continues speaking in the background. Marcel sees someone he recognizes across the church, but can't get a proper look at her.) Klaus: Problem? Marcel: No. Klaus: Then pay attention. We're meant to seem like devoted parisioners. Kieran: ...and it is that hope in our hearts, and with the help of many benefactors, that allows us to be here today. So we gather with renewed spririt, made stronger, committed to the ideals of peace and love. Amen. (While Kieran's speaking, Bastianna enters the church.) People: Amen. Cemetery (In the cemetery Sabine/Celeste guides some tourists.) Celeste: Each tomb is well cared for. Families honor their dad with display of affection and respect. (Trapped inside her tomb, Monique calls out, but the group outside doesn't hear her.) Monique: Is someone there? Celeste: This place belongs to the Deveraux family, known throughout the Quarter for their strong connection to witchcraft. Monique: Please help me! Celeste: And if you look close, these fresh bricks tell us someone in the family has recently fallen. (Monique screams. The tourists look disturbed by the noise. In the next moment, Monique bursts out of the wall of bricks and tumbles out of the tomb. The tourists are frightened, though some of them take photographs.) Celeste: Hello, Monique. Welcome back to the land of the living. OPENING CREDITS (The tourists are taking pictures of Monique's empty grave. Sophie enters the cemetery confused. When she sees what happened, she runs into a mausoleum, where Celeste and Monique are.) Sophie: What is it? What's going on? Celeste: It's a miracle. Sophie: Monique? You're alive! (They embrace) St. Annes Church (After the mass, the people leave the church. Kieran stands in the front of it. Marcel and Klaus join him.) Klaus: Lovely sermon this morning, Father. Quite inspirational. Kieran: I wasn't expecting you to join us. Klaus: Oh, we were hoping for some word from your human sources on the recent Haitian invasion. Kieran: My guys have their ears on the ground and no one has seen or heard any sign of whatever his name is. Marcel: He is called Papa Tunde. And right now he's wandering in the Quarter with the power he absorbed from every soul I had buried in the Garden, so you might wanna put your ear a little closer to the ground. Kieran: Or I could steer clear of whatever wr is brewing between your kind and his, before I find myself– (Cami appears and starts to shake Kieran's hand.) Cami: I wanted to congratulate you on getting the church up running. I can see this is a bad time. Nice to see you, Marcel. (She leaves.) Kieran: Cami! Klaus: Well, don't look at me. I tried to send her away. (Klaus' phone rings.) Klaus: Yes, Diego, what do you have for me? Diego: Uh, we got a special delivery. Klaus: Would you care to elaborate? (Papa Tunde is seen, lying in the middle of a white, magical circle with blood all over his suit.) Diego: Either our witch problems are over, or they're just get started. (Klaus hangs up.) Klaus: Marcel. (They leave.) Kieran (to the church visitors): God be with you. Thank you. God be with you. God be with you. (Bastianna appears.) Bastianna: Oh, I doubt that, but I do appreciate the thought. Kieran: Bastianna! (She hexes him.) Bastianna: Toursion fou, mort de l'espirit! Give your nephew Sean my regards when you see him in hell. Courtyard (Elijah crouches near Papa Tunde's corpse. Klaus and Marcel are standing beside him.) Klaus: Can I get you anything, brother? A magnifying glass, a pipe perhaps? Elijah: You have a theory you'd like to share with us, Niklaus? Marcel: Back in the day, the witches wanted to send a thrat, they just klled a chicken and leave it on your doorstep. Elijah: It's rather a large and ominous chicken, wouldn't you say? Klaus: Papa Tunde defeated Rebekah with ease, almost got the two of us as well. If he was supposed to be the prize fighter, why leave him for dad in our front yard? (Rebekah shows up.) Rebekah: Well, don't you look cheery. Listen to this: A girl literally exploded from a grave today as Sabine was giving a tour of the city of the dad. It was Monique Deveraux. Klaus: What? Rebekah: The tourists thought it was part of the show, but the witches are celebrating like it's some kind of bloody miracle. Marcel: Maybe it is. They think that all hope is lost, but now suddenly a Harvest girl is resurrected. This is how we're gonna get Davina back – kll the witch who took her place. (Hayley shows up.) Hayley: I have a theory about who one of them could be. Celeste. Mean, it's got to be. Davina was trying to tell us, she was drawing pictures of Celeste. She was warning us that a great evil is coming. Klaus: First, Papa Tunde returns to settle old scores, now your mrder lover is back. This isn't witches attacking vampires. They're declaring wr on us. Inside (Rebekah and Elijah are talking.) Rebekah: It's not too early for scotch, is it, with all the witchy shenanigans and subterfuge afoot? Elijah: It is entirely too early if one intends to drive, yes. Rebekah: Funny, I don't have any plans to go anywhere. Elijah: She's not safe here. You have to take Hayley to the plantation house until this is over. Rebekah: Are you worried about Hayley or whether or not you can trust me? Elijah: It's precisely because I trust you that I'm asking you to do this. Rebekah: Here's a novel idea: Why don't you let Hayley decide for herself? Why are you dictating her fate? Elijah: You know why. Rebekah: Then perhaps you should take her yourself. Elijah: Well, then that would make me the very hypocrite you've accused me of being. Rebekah, I cannot legislate my feelings. My actions, however... So, would you kindly do this for me? Rebekah: You know the mama wolf loves to be told what to do. She's not gonna like it. But I will do it for you, if only to end this silly quarrel between the two of us. (Rebekah leaves the room. Marcel grabs her.) Rebekah: What the hell do you think you are doing? Marcel: Listen, everybody's running off looking for resurrected witches. Meanwhile, I think I saw one at the church: Genevieve. Rebekah: What? Marcel: I can't be sure. I only caught her out of the corner of my eye. Been with Klaus since. But it looked like her. And you and I both know that she would have a reason to wanna be back. A lot of unfinished business, a lot of secrets that you and I don't want getting out. Rebekah: I have to take Hayley to the plantation. You need to find Genevieve and end this. End it like we did the last time. (Marcel nods, then leaves.) Rousseau's (Genevieve sits at the bar at Rousseau's.) Genevieve: Tea, please. (Kieran enters. Cami sees him while pouring the tea.) Cami: I'm busy. Kieran: Cami, just hear me out. Cami: You know, I came to your reopening because I wanted to try and make amends. Then I see you talking with Klaus, out in the open, like it's business as usual in the Quarter. Kieran: It is business as usual. For the past three centuries, the O'Connells have always tried to keep the peace. Cami: Save me the family history. It's all lies on top of lies. Kieran: Cami, pour me a drink. I have to tell you something. (Cami hands him a drink. He takes it. His hands are trembling.) Cami: Uncle Kieran, what's wrong? Kieran: I'm in trouble. What happened to your brother Sean is about to start happening to me. Cami: What? Kieran: I've... I've been hexed. And I don't know how long I have. Cami: Wait. I know some people. There has to be some sort of... I don't know, antidote or... Kieran: Cami, I need you to promise me one thing. When it gets bad, I need you to be as far away from me as possible. Cami: No. No! There has to be some sort of way. Genevieve: Of course there is. If you wanna save your uncle's life, all you have to do is take this—(she shows Cami Papa Tunde's blade)—and make sure it ends up in Klaus Mikaelson's heart. Plantation House (Rebekah and Hayley leave the car.) Rebekah: I thought I was gonna have to drag you to the plantation kicking and screaming. Hayley: Yeah, well we all just wanna protect me and the baby, right? Rebekah: Hey, I'm on your side, remember? So what gives? Hayley: Tonight's a full moon, Rebekah. Rebekah: So what? You're preggers, you can't turn. Hayley: Yes, but I wanted to invite a few people over. Rebekah: Of course. Every red-blooded American werewolf will be a bundle of fur and sharp teeth tonight, whilst your cursed crescent clan will be– Hayley: Human, but only for a few hours and won't be again until the next full moon, so... I asked Josh to get a message out to Eve in the bayou. Rebkah: Josh isn't dad yet? Well good on him. I love a nice survival story. (A man leaves the Mikaelson Mansion with a moving dolly.) Rebekah: ( She looks surprised) Who the bloody hell is that? Hayley: Kegs out back, right? Ahem. Man: Yup. Rebekah: Right. It appears you weren't gonna wait for me to grant you permission to throw a kegger. Hayley: Listen, you all want me safe, fine. I'll do as I'm told. I'll play damsel in the glass tower. But tonight's the one night a month that I can meet my family. Now you could rat me out, send me to my room, or you could help me to throw one hell of a party. The French Quarter (Celeste/Sabine walks down a street, followed by Elijah. She turns around to him.) Celeste: Elijah. To what do I owe the pleasure? Elijah: My family needs an ally among the witches, and you've helped us in the past. Perhaps together we can avoid an unnecessary conflict. Celeste: They may be willing to make a deal, if it were with the noble Elijah. But there will never be any peace at long as it involves Klaus. Elijah: Is that what's always is about? You want my brother out of town? Celeste: I'm just telling you how they feel. My people are scared, they're desperate, but they're not dumb. You have a niece on the way. It stands to reason you'd be willing to discuss how to run him out of the city. Elijah: Let's walk together. You can take me on one of your famous tours. Rousseau's (Sophie and Monique are in the backroom.) Sophie: You should eat, after everything you've been through. Monique: I was dad. Sophie: But you're here now. Monique: Aunt Sophie, what happened to Mom? Sophie: Your mother loved you so much. She had faith that she could use magic to complete the Harvest and get you back. In the end, she sacrificed herself for the cause, for the witches, for you. Monique: And do you have her faith? Sophei: I lost my faith. Then I realized that if I didn't believe, I would be letting you down. I tried to get it back. I tried. (Marcel appears.) Marcel: Monique Deveraux. Everyone in the Quarter's been talking about you. Sophie: Classy. You kll her mother and now you've come to thrat her? Marcel: I'm not here to thrat anyone. Monique: What do you want, Marcel? Marcel: There were three more girls sacrificed during the Harvest. I want to bring them back. Sophie: Who are you kidding? You don't care about those girls. You just want Davina back, so you can use her power again. Marcel: I just want her alive. Monique: He's telling the truth. Sophie: How do you know that? Monique: I can feel it. He's loyal to her. He's here to help. St. Anne's Church (Cami is sitting in the church, holding Papa Tunde's blade in her hand. Klaus enters. Cami quickly hides the blade.) Klaus: I got your message. Where's Kieran now? (Klaus takes a seat next to Cami.) Cami: In the attic. Resting, praying. He's gonna go crazy and die, isn't he? Just like Sean. And we'll still be in this stupid fight because he lied to me about the witches. And vampires. And you. Klaus: Camille. I can see why you hate me. Truth be told, I have done some dreadful things. But the lies your uncle told were meant to protect you. He is a good man with a loyal heart. And he is your family. As for these witches, their attck on Kieran should be proof enough they are the enemy. In that we are united. (Klaus stands up. Cami follows him, holding the blade in her hand.) Cami: Klaus. (He turns around and looks at the blade, then at Cami, then at the blade again. Cami hands it to him.) Klaus: This is Papa Tunde's blade. Cami: A witch gave it to me. Said it would cause untold pain and torment, even to an Original. She said if I stuck it in your heart, she'd heal Kieran. Klaus: And yet you chose to reject their offer. Cami: Maybe if I were more like you, I could do it, but I'm not– Klaus: A monster? Cami: I'm not stupid. If there's a wr going on, I wanna be on the winning side. Klaus: Let's see what we can do about saving your uncle, shall we? Bayou (Hayley hangs up some clothes for the werewolves. A golden eyed wolf appears and looks at Hayley.) Hayley: Hello again. I'm looking forward to meeting you soon. St. Anne's Church (Klaus bites his own hand and lets the blood drip into a goblet.) Kieran: You've gotta be kidding me. Klaus: A vampire is trying to reverse a witch's hex placed on you, and it's the cup you find sacrilegious. (Kieran cuts his hand.) Cami: Are you sure this is going to work? Klaus: Not remotely. But I can't attempt to use my compulsion to counter Bastianna's curse if the good Father has vervain in his system. Thus, we bleed him out. I never said this would be pleasent. Cami: Just do what you have to do. Plantation (The werewolves, transformed into humans, put on the clothes from the clothesline, while Rebekah is cooking something in the kitchen. She leaves a voicemail on her cell.) Rebekah: So help me God, Marcel, if you don't call me back with an update, I will kll you myself. (One of the werewolves shows up in the plantation house, shirtless.) Rebekah: Oh. I beg your pardon. I was expecting someone... furrier. Oliver: You're one of them, aren't you? An Original? Rebekah: Yes. You might want to say that with some more respect. I suppose you'll be wanting Hayley. Oliver: Or I could just talk to you. I'm Oliver. I didn't catch your name. Rebekah: I'm Rebekah. Hayley, the party's here! The Abattoir (Sophie, Monique and Marcel are in the courtyard. Sophie tries a locator spell.) Marcel: You got enough power left to find these witches? Sophie: I know the Harvest was an epic fail, but I can still do a locator spell. Before I do that, we need to make a deal. Marcel: What deal? Sophie: If I betray these witches, they're gonna come looking for me. And if I'm caught, I'm dad. Marcel: I said I'd protect you. Sophie: If you could do that, you wouldn't need my help in first place. The Quarter isn't safe. Vampires on one side, witches on the other. No way am I letting Monique get in the middle of that. In order to get her out, I'm gonna need money. Do we have a deal? Marcel: Find the witches. I'll give you anything you could ever need. Plantation (The garden is lit by hundreds of candles and lights, music is playing, werewolves are all around. Oliver starts dancing with Rebekah.) Oliver: Come on, you can do better than that! Rebekah: Sorry, I've got a burdened brain tonight. Oliver: No, no, no, no, no, no. Tonight is not the night for burdens. It's to celebrate. It's to enjoy life for the few hours that we get to live it. It's to hug our friends, our family and to dance our asses off. (Hayley walks inside the house. She starts tidying. One of the werewolves enters the room.) Jackson: I seriously doubt you invited us here to wait on us. You're Hayley. I'm Jackson. It's nice to see you again. Hayley: You're the wolf who's been watching me. Jackson: I gotta keep my eye on you. Precious cargo and all. Hayley: Right. Gotta protect the miracle baby. Jackson: No, that's not what I meant. I don't care about the baby. Sorry, that came out wrong. I mean, of course I care. You're a Labonair. A baby, it's a big deal. But personally, my interest is in you. Hayley: You don't even know me. Jackson: Our parents knew each other. They were of the same people but not the same bloodline. Now, you know how pack hierarchy works, right? Everybody has their part to play, and... we had our part too. Hayley: What part was that? Jackson: You were supposed to be my wife. In the French Quarter (Celeste/Sabine and Elijah are walking through the streets.) Celeste: So this next part of town is one of the few areas where any of the original French architecture remains. The most of the buildings were destroyed in the seventeen hundreds when the city brned for the first time. Am I putting you to sleep? Elijah: As surprising as you might find this, it's not every day that someone asks you to betray your own brother... Celeste. Celeste: How did you know? Elijah: As Davina was drawing your likeness, I dared to imagine that your presence was near. And when Sophie discovered that there was no magic in your remains, I wondered – could you have possibly cheated death by using your power to place your essence into the body of another? And if so, then who? And then I recalled the lovely Sabine. FLASHBACK Sabine/Celeste: Are you continue following me, Eljiah, or do you wanna talk? Elijah: You know who I am. Sabine/Celeste: Original vampire, always wears a suit. PRESENT Elijah: Your visions of my brother's child precipitated the death of the last elder within your coven... FLASHBACK Agnes: Tell them what you saw. Celeste: (chanting) (Elijah kills Agnes) PRESENT Elijah: Ensuring that the Harvest ritual could not be completed – unless you were to control it. You have been playing a very long game indeed. But to what end? (Celeste steps closer and kisses Elijah.) Celeste: Oh, Elijah, my lost love... After all this time, don't you understand? I died because of Klaus. And even after all his vindictive lies about witches led to my death, you stood by him. All because of your vow – "Always and forever." (Elijah starts feeling dizzy.) Elijah: What have you done to me? Celeste: Oh, it's a simple enchantment. You needn't worry. I'm not here to kll you, Elijah, I'm here to teach you the error of your ways. "Always and forever" was the greatest mistake of your life. (Elijah falls to the ground.) St. Anne's Church (Klaus hands Kieran the goblet.) Klaus: Drink up. It will heal your wound. (Kieran drinks Klaus' blood.) Klaus: I think you've suffered enough. (compels him) You will overcome what the witches did to you. You will resist the dark urges of their hex. Cami: Did it work? Kieran: How do I know if it worked? All I know is that the vervain is out and I'm at the mercy of this mrder bastard. I bet you find that really funny, don't you, Cami, you little– (He looks shocked as he realizes what he said.) I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. Klaus: Well, I guess that's our answer. Cami: Wait, Klaus! Where are you going? What are we going to do? Klaus: I'm gonna find the witch who did this, and then I'm gonna do what I do best. The Abattoir (Sophie still tries the locator spell.) Sophie: I'm weaker than I thought. Marcel: You want the deal, Soph, you gotta hold up your end. I'm on a clock. Sophie: Okay. It's working. Marcel: That's one. I need all three. Sophie: I'm giving you whatever I can pick up. Marcel: Keep trying. Klaus: Or don't. Who needs a locator spell when I have all the leverage I need right here? (Klaus takes Monique and disappears.) Sophie: No! Monique! In the French Quarter (Elijah is crouching on the ground, breathing heavily.) Elijah: You poisoned me with a kiss. At least you haven't lost your sense of irony. Celeste: We may have time for more. But first I'm going to cure you of your greatest flaw – this absurd devotion to your lunatic family. Elijah: Your anger is with me. Now, if you have come here seeking revenge– Celeste: Oh, I'll have my revenge. Starting with Klaus. He is gonna know pain and torment like he's never felt before. Unless you choose to save him, of course. But then that leaves Rebekah, your tragic sister. She's about to find herself in quite the predicament. You could save her. But then that leaves Hayley in jeopardy. Elijah: No. No, no... Celeste: Poor girl. She has no idea how dangerous it is to be loved by you. Oh well. With your body weakened by my spell, you won't be able to save them all. You'll recover with just enough time to choose one. Who will it be? I can't wait to find out. French Quarter (Klaus walks through the streets with Monique Deveraux in tow.) Klaus: Witches of the French Quarter! I have with me Monique Deveraux. What a shame it would be were I forced to sent her back to the death she's just escaped! Should you wish to prevent this, bring me the witch Bastianna! Marcel: The hell you think you're doing? Klaus: I'm opening negotiations. Marcel: You know my rules. We do not hurt kids. Klaus: Spare me the hypocrisy of your moral code. It didn't stop you from klling Monique's mother. Bastianna! I know you're close. The stench of witches hangs in the air. Mark my words! I will end this girl with the very blade you meant for me. Marcel: I'm not saying it again. We do not kll kids. (Klaus hold the blade near Moniques throat. Marcel vampire speeds up to him. They start to fight. Within the fight, Klaus loses the blade. Klaus breaks Marcel's neck.) Klaus: I decide who lives and dies here, Marcellus. (Suddenly Sophie Deveraux appears with the blade in her hand. She sticks it into Klaus' chest, where it immediately starts to slide towards his heart. Klaus starts screaming in pain. Bastianna also shows up.) Bastianna: I'll take it from here. Plantation (Jackson is sitting at the piano, playing quietly. Hayley is standing near him.) Jackson: I know it's a lot to take in. Hayley: You think? I just wanted to meet my family. I never imagined I'd meet my husband from some weird-ass arranged marriage. Jackson: I guess you don't know about any of this because there was never anyone around to teach you. The Crescents aren't just any pack of wolves. The bloodline goes back to the very beginning. Two families – yours and mine. I guess that makes us kind of a royalty. Hayley: This is a joke, right? I mean, if you're royalty, where's the throne? Jackson: New Orleans used to be our town, and we lost it all because of some infighting. The vampires came after us, and if our families were united we could've taken them. So our parents decided to bring the two lines back together. And you and I were betrothed. Hayley: I'm sorry. This is ridiculous. Jackson: Look, obviously things didn't work out the way anyone thought they would. Our pack made a huge misstep with the vampires when we refused to back down, and Marcel had us cursed by a witch. You are the last one of your bloodline, Andrea. Or Hayley, whatever you call yourself. These people will follow you. You can help them – you and what you represent. Hayley: And what is that exactly? Jackson: A time when things were different. When our people fought back. And after everything you went through to find us... You're the one who's gonna break our curse. Hayley: What are you talking about? Jackson: Your witch friend. She told Eve she was coming here tonight to set us free. Hayley: Wait, what witch friend? Somewhere in the woods (Rebekah and Oliver are kissing.) Oliver: I'm sorry. I really like you but this is the deal we made. Rebekah: What deal? With whom? (Some wolves appear, growling and baring their teeth.) Cemetery/ French Quarter/ Plantation house CEMETERY (Bastianna, Celeste and Genevieve are at the Cemetery, chanting a spell.) FRENCH QUARTER (Elijah's lying on the ground. His phone starts buzzing. He awakens, still breathing heavily.) Elijah: Hayley. Hayley: Elijah, something's going on with the witches. Elijah: Listen to me. You were right. Celeste is back. Niklaus, Rebekah – you're all in danger. (At the plantation house, the door claps shut by a gust of wind.) Jackson: What's going on? Hayley: It's a trap. I didn't make a deal with any witch. Jackson: What? Elijah: Hayley, you have to find Rebekah. You stay with her until I get there. (The house is catching fre.) Hayley: Elijah, it's a spell. They're trapping us inside. CEMETERY (The three witches continue chanting. At the plantation, flames erupt all around the house as the doors and windows shut.) Celeste: You know what to do. (Bastianna and Genevieve leave.) PLANTATION HOUSE Hayley: We have to get out of here. (Jackson tries to break through the window with the piano stool, which breaks while the window remains intact. Flames erupt inside the house, torching the curtains and the carpet. Jackson pours water from a vase of flowers onto a towel, which he hands to Hayley.) Jackson: Here. Breathe through this. (Hayley coughs. The fre gains size. Suddenly a window shatters. It's Elijah, fighting his way through the fre. He lifts Hayley and brings her outside.) Elijah: Where's Rebekah? Hayley: I don't know. She went off with one of them. Elijah, my friend is still in there. (Jackson falls to the floor, coughing as the fre rages on. Elijah rushes back into the house to save Jackson.) Elijah: On your feet. In the woods (Rebekah's lying on the ground with numerous wolf bites all over her body. dad wolves are lying around. Someone steps closer – it's Genevieve.) Rebekah: Help me. Genevieve: It's been such a long time, Rebekah. I'm going to enjoy this. (Later, Rebekah is gone and Elijah takes a look at the dad wolves. He finds a black jacket which he picks up. Celeste appears, followed by the other two witches.) Celeste: Missing something? You won't hurt me. I'm the only one alive who can break the curse on Hayley's family. And Genevieve knows where your sister is. Bastianna has Klaus, tucked away some place safe. He's suffering horribly, I might add. And all because you chose to save the little wolf instead of your own blood. (When Elijah walks towards her purposefully, she uses magic to bring him to his knees, screaming.) Celeste: What a horrific ending to your pathetic, diseased family. I guess "always" isn't forever, after all. Plantation House (Hayley and Jackson are standing in front of the burning house.) Jackson: I have to go. The moon. Hayley: Listen, Jackson. I wanna thank you for protecting me. Not just tonight. Jackson: I have been dreaming about this since I was a kid. I never thought it would go like this. Hayley: Hey. I won't stop until I'll find a way to break this curse. I promise. (Jackson leaves.) Alley outside of St. Anne's (Cami and Kieran leave a building. Cami is calling Klaus.) Cami: Come on, come on, come on. Klaus, where are you? (Bastianna is standing near them.) Bastianna: Mr. Mikaelson is currently indisposed. Cami: What happened? What did you do? Bastianna: I did nothing. Someone completed your task for you. Cami: If you got what you wanted, then my uncle– Bastianna: Will die soon and in great anguish. You see, dear, you failed to hold up your end of our bargain. You chose instead to side with evil as your uncle has done many times before you. But take heart. His punishment will atone for his attempts to prevent the Harvest. His suffering will purify him. You'd do well to heed his lesson, girl. To oppose us is to oppose the natural order. By choice or by force, the witches of the French Quarter will rise again. The Abattoir (Marcel is surrounded by some of his guys in the courtyard.) Diego: We've looked everywhere for him. Tore apart the cauldron, the city of the dad. Wherever they got him, he ain't in the French Quarter. (Elijah charges toward them.) Elijah: MARCEL! Where is my brother? Marcel: I got guys out looking for him right now. (Elijah starts throwing vampires against the walls.) Hayley: Elijah! Marcel: Klaus threw one of his classic temper tantrums, snapped my neck, tried to take on a coven of witches by himself. He got dropped. I don't know where he is or how to find him. Elijah: They also have Rebekah. Every one of you will help me to find them. I'm gonna kll them all. Somewhere in the French Quarter (Sophie tries to persuade Monique to leave New Orleans.) Sophie: Come on. We have to go. Monique: I don't wanna go. Sophie: Monique, this isn't a debate. I just sab an Original. He's gonna kll me as soon as he's recovered. Look, I'm sorry for everything. I should have come and got you before that stupid Harvest. But you can still have a normal life. One without all this crazy witch nonsense. Monique: But I am a witch. And I don't want to go. (Monique uses magic to burst blood vessels in Sophie's brain.) Sophie: Monique? Monique: The ancestors said you didn't have enough faith. I was hoping they were wrong. I should've known better. (Sophie's nose starts bleeding.) Sophie: Monique. Monique: You tried to stop the Harvest. Sophie: Please don't do this. Monique: Now you wanna run when we need to stay and fight. Sophie: Please, I'm begging you. Don't, don't– Monique: The four of us, when we return... We'll have enough power to rid this city of vampires, and we'll kll anyone who doesn't keep the faith. (Sophie's eyes start bleeding. She starts coughing.) Sophie: Monique... please... Monique: You should have believed. Sophie: Stop... please... (Sophie falls to the ground. Monique walks toward Celeste, Genevieve and Bastianna, and joins them to walk down the street. Sophie lies in the street, apparently d*ad.)	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x13 - Crescent City"}	foreverdreaming
(Rebekah lies on an old mattress in a poor state suffering from the werewolf bites she received in the previous episode; there is a dripping sound by her bedside as she is coming into a conscious state. She sh*t awake gasping only to look around and see a very familiar hospital in full swing; the sound of screaming patients in agony and bustling nurses and doctors attending to them; all dying from Spanish Influenza. She is hallucinating, as we see she is really in an abandoned hospital in New Orleans; antique hospital beds, wheelchairs and equipment left behind and forgotten. She breathes heavily and gasps with fear as she looks around lost in her hallucination. Blood dripping on the floor; a man drops a bloody rag; another man sits up in bed and coughs out blood. She gasps as two doctors drop another patient onto a cot and wheel him toward the morgue. She slowly rolls out of the bed, weakened by the werewolf venom in her system. A woman’s laughter is heard echoing through the corridors.) Rebekah: Who’s there? (No answer, she struggles to get out of that room as quickly as possible and escape. As she reaches the door she plunges through it escaping outside) Rebekah: How the hell did I get here? (She stumbles toward the steps but before she can go any further she is sab in the heart with a wooden stake. She gasps and falls to the ground only to look into the eyes of the familiar face that sab her) Rebekah: Genevieve! Genevieve: Rebekah, tell me you’re not leaving already. I thought we might reminisce. (Rebekah falls unconscious) (Meanwhile inside, Celeste looks over the body of Klaus who is shirtless and lying on a bed tied down by restraints. He too is weakened by Papa Tunde’s blade which has disappeared inside of him. He groans and starts to stir.) (The witches have gathered to say goodbye to Sophie who was klled in the previous episode. Monique stands emotionless with a candle as a man lays bricks over Sophie’s grave. Elijah appears and quickly takes out three people at vampire speed, Monique is not phased but others gasp.) Elijah: my siblings have been taken…where are they? Monique: you’re interrupting my Aunt Sophie’s consecration. Elijah: how did this happen? Monique: Aunt Sophie was a casualty of wr. Elijah: Monique I recommend you give me what I want unless of course you’d like me to level this place and everything in it. Monique: that won’t be necessary. I have a message for you from Celeste. (She puts her hand out in front of her performing a spell. Elijah pulls at the collar of his shirt uncomfortable, he rips open the top button of his shirt to see the name Theresa* in italics tattooed on his chest; Monique continues as two more names appear; he rolls up his sleeve to see the familiar name Sabine) to find what you’re looking for follow the path she left behind. Fleur-de-Lis (Rebekah lay on a hospital bed with the wooden stake still buried in her chest, she is now awake and gasping asGenevieve is humming and making an herb potion mixed with her blood.) Rebekah: What the hell are you doing you ruthless bitch? Genevieve: Poor Rebekah, you should rest. You’re looking a little peaked. (She pulls the stake out of Rebekah’s chest and lets her blood drip into her potion) Genevieve: Of course, that’s to be expected, given the impressive amount of werewolf venom in your system. Rebekah: If I weren’t so bloody sick I’d rip you’re head off! Genevieve: But you are sick and comforting the sick always was a talent of mine. I take care of my friends. We were friends, weren’t we? Of course we were. (She applies a cold cloth to Rebekah’s forehead) Flashback New Orleans, 1919 Rebekah: There, there... unidentified sick man (The man coughs blood onto her apron) Rebekah: Oh... that can’t be good. You! Red! (Genevieve, in nursing uniform, turns to face her. Rebekah nods her over). Genevieve: Here try to take a sip of this (She gives the patient a small glass of herbal remedies. The man drinks it and quiets down.) Rebekah: Mmm... just like magic.(Rebekah touches her so that she realizes what Rebekah was) But then again what would you expect from a practicing witch? Genevieve: It’s a simple herbal remedy. It won’t stop the inevitable, but it should ease his pain and quiet his lungs. For a while, at least. Rebekah: You are quite good at this Miss... what was your name again? Genevieve: Genevieve. Rebekah: Lovely... Perhaps you could give me some pointers. Genevieve: Certainly, though it is a bit odd. A vampire serving as a nurse. Rebekah: Please, darling, I’m an Original Vampire. If my city is under attck from this nasty influenza, it is my duty to lend a hand. Besides, if this entire lot dies, who’d be left to eat? Genevieve: You’re wicked! Rebekah: You know, I think you and I are going to be fast friends... What do you say you join me at this swell, little jazz joint I've discovered on Basin Street tonight? We can toast to the health of New Orleans. (Genevieve is about to say something but she catches the eye of a brunette nurse just behind them attending to a patient, the nurse stares at her with a concerned glance) Genevieve: Oh, I don’t know (Rebekah turns around to face the brunette nurse) Rebekah: You, you should come, too. After playing angels of mercy all day, I’d say we all deserve some fun. End of Flashback – Present Day (Rebekah gasps in the hospital bed, she is alone now. She rolls over and falls off the bed landing on her feet; groaning.) The Abattoir (Elijah walks in quickly as Marcel is sending out more troops to search the city.) Elijah: Anything? Marcel: They're putting eyes and ears out everywhere; day walkers are working every contact we’ve got. Cops, dock workers, guys in the Treme. Word is out anyone trying to earn favor with me gets a lifetime of it if they find them. Elijah: Good. I need a pen and paper (He walks away and Marcel follows) Marcel: Hey, am I taking orders from you now, or are we in this together? (Elijah removes his jacket) Elijah: Pen and paper, Marcellus. Now! Marcel: I want her back just as much as you do, you know... The both of them. (He turns to fetch the pen and paper from the desk drawer as Elijah removes his shirt and calls out for Hayley) Elijah: Hayley! Hayley: Elijah! You’re back. Did you find any–(she takes in his appearance – shirtless and covered in tattoos)–thing? What is happening? Elijah: I need you to make a list of these names. Hayley: Sabine? Elijah, what is this? Elijah: I believe they represent the names of the women Celeste inhabited for the past two centuries. (Marcel rejoins them and hands the paper and pen to Hayley) Marcel: It's called a Devinette. It's old school. Kind of a riddle. Witches use them to teach their kids. Solve it and it disappears. Hayley: Why? What’s the point? Elijah: Celeste forced me to make a choice between yourself and my siblings, and now she means to mock that choice, taunting me with a childish game. The longer the game, the more they suffer. To find Klaus and Rebekah, we need to solve this riddle. The solution lies somewhere in these names. Marcel: The name next to Sabine... Annie La Fleur, she’s the witch that was shunned from her coven just over a year ago. Never knew why, but I can find out. Fleur-de-Lis Sanatorium (Klaus still lies on the bed in an abandoned room as Genevieve enters; his eyes are closed but he is conscious as she touches his stomach where a nasty scar protrudes from where Papa Tunde’s blade disappeared inside of him, he opens his eyes still in a weak state and sweating, circles under his eyes.) Genevieve: You poor thing (She speaks to him gently and goes over to the hospital cart and picks up a scalpel off the tray, his eyes watch her) Genevieve: Don’t worry, I’m here to help. (She speaks as she cuts open his stomach along the line of the red scar, she pushes up her sleeve and digs her hand into his stomach; he screams and thrashes against the restraints as she pulls out Papa Tunde’s blade; he growls at her and writhes in pain) Annie La Fleur Village (Elijah and Marcel go to the village where Annie lived after she was shunned; they are able to speak to someone who knew her.) Man: Annie was a good girl, the witches did her wrong shunning her like that; claiming she was doing dark magic; there’s no way but they had proof. So she just quit and I can’t really blame her for that cause once you’ve been shunned what’s the point in going on, you know? French Quarter Street (Elijah is walking down a busy street on his cell phone with Hayley explaining what happened to Annie La Fleur.) Hayley: She klled herself? Elijah: Yes, drowned herself in the Mississippi, to be precise; Celeste was clearly tired of the body and ready to take Sabine’s. Hayley: How do you know that? Elijah: Because she leapt to her death from the very location Celeste and I had our first kiss. Hayley: Poetic, I guess... in a creepy vendetta sort of way. Elijah: All these names, these lives, stolen that Celeste might take her revenge. I suppose we have no choice but to see where they take us. Hayley, I have to go. I'll call you back. Hayley: Elijah, wait! Elijah: What is it? Hayley: Ask Marcel if he knows anything about a name on that list Brynne Deveraux. Sophie said that it was her family's bloodline that put the curse on the crescent wolves, but Celeste said that she was the only one that could break it. If Brynne Deveraux was actually Celeste when she cast the spell, then maybe Celeste can still break it. Elijah: I’ll see what he knows. Hayley: Elijah, I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. If I had known that Celeste made you choose who to help– Elijah: You were going to die in that fre Hayley along with my brother’s child there was no choice (He hangs up before she can respond) Fleur-de-Lis Sanatorium (Klaus is now in a sitting position as Genevieve has put his black long sleeve shirt back on him; he is still weakened, sweating and in a poor state. He glares at her.) Klaus: My wound isn’t healing. Genevieve: The amount of dark magic contained in that blade? It's gonna take a little while. Klaus: You’re one of them aren’t you? The witches back from the dad; seeking vengeance. Why show me kindness? (She strokes his face) Genevieve: You never did anything to me. And the truth is, seeing you like this, I can’t help but pity you. Klaus: Then betray the others and stand with me. I will reward you in ways you cannot possibly fathom. Genevieve: Klaus Mikaelson, offering a deal to little ol' me? I should be flattered. But first we need to have a talk about your sister. (His facial expression changes as she walks away from him) Klaus: Rebekah is of no concern to you. If you mean to harm her– (He growls out, his voice rising) Genevieve: Ah, the protective brother. A shame that loyalty isn't reciprocated. But then, I'm no stranger to Rebekah's treachery. Something you and I have in common. Here. (She holds out the bowl that she was seen previously making in the company of Rebekah) Genevieve: Drink. I'm just trying to help you. Heal you. Get you to see the truth that's been right in front of you for almost a century. (Klaus drinks but before he can swallow he is about to spit it up; Genevieve puts her hand over his mouth, tipping his head back and forcing him to swallow it; he chokes it down) Genevieve: Your sister had an unfortunate run-in with some wolves last night. I imagine you're tasting the venom in her blood. It's the only way I can show you what you need to see. In her weakened state, I'll be able to guide her down memory lane. That's how I'm going to have my revenge. By showing you her betrayal. (She says putting her hand on his forehead linking their minds. Rebekah in her hallucinatory state stops in the corridor she looks up to see Klaus standing at the other end staring at her.) Rebekah: Niklaus! (She runs toward him passing rooms on the way; in the first room there is a young boy sitting on a table; his eyes darkened with purplish bruises holding a cloth to his mouth coughing up blood. In the next room, a teen girl in a pink night gown sitting in a bathtub staring at her; blood dripping down her mouth and onto her grown. The next room, an old man hitting his chest and spurting up blood; she cringes as she passes the sign on the wall that reads Crematorium she pushes the door open.) Flashback, 1919 (Rebekah walks into the Crematorium with a smile on her face to greet Marcel; the two embrace and begin to make out. He pushed her up against the wall and puts his hand on her leg. She laughs and pulls away.) Rebekah: Marcel have some respect. Marcel: Yeah, I don’t think they mind. (He looks around briefly, indicating the bodies in the morgue they're in, all lost to Influenza.) Marcel: Did you ask Genevieve about doing the spell? Rebekah: I will when the time is right. Marcel: Rebekah, you’ve been hanging around that witch for weeks waiting for the time to be right. She wasn’t supposed to become your sidekick. One little spell and we can finally be together for real. What are you waiting for? Rebekah: She’s a sweet girl, is all. If you must know, I feel badly for using her. Marcel: Then we’ll find another witch; one you don’t have to fake a friendship with. Unless you’ve changed your mind? Rebekah: I want to wake up with you in our home, in the bed that we share. I want to walk down the street with you by my side so everyone knows that you are mine and I am yours. I don’t want to be afraid of what my brother will do to me for loving you. If this is the only way to get it, then no, my mind hasn’t changed. (They kiss again as Genevieve walks into the room) Genevieve: O-oh! (They break apart to look at her as she stands there holding bloody sheets) Genevieve: I didn’t know anyone was in here. I’m so sorry (She hurries out and Rebekah follows after her) Rebekah: Genevieve! End of Flashback, Present Day (Rebekah has opened the door leading back into the corridor to follow Genevieve Rebekah: Genevieve, wait! (Genevieve disappears and Rebekah is left alone in the abandoned hall) Rebekah: I’m sorry. (Klaus is pulled out of Rebekah’s mind to face Genevieve he seems amused and bored) Klaus: So this is you’re great betrayal? Rebekah and Marcel have been sneaking around behind my back for the better half of two centuries. Genevieve: Yes, against all your warnings you’ve disciplined them for it before had you now? Harshly from what I understand. Klaus: Well, I had my reasons. Genevieve: Oh, you don’t have to convince me as far as I’m concerned you only needed one. That it suited you. Have you ever read the Old Testament, Nik? You see God wasn’t powerful because he was right, he was right because he was powerful. Klaus: I don't know what you're playing at but if the sum total of your plan was to turn me against my sister was this revelation, this will have been a wholly ineffective endeavor. Genevieve: You poor thing. After a thousand years, dishonesty from your family has come to be expected. I wish that was the sum total of their treachery. Unfortunately, it’s not. The Pit (Marcel's vampires are casually relaxing at the bar when suddenly the doors fly open and a man is thrown onto the floor. Elijah and Marcel follow in behind him.) Man: Wh-what do you want from me (Marcel throws him into a chair) Elijah: Well, I assume you're familiar with this pigsty, quite appropriately known as the Pit. See, awkwardly enough, only weeks ago a group of human beings just like yourself slaughtered many of the companions of the vampires that you see assembled before you here. Marcel: You run the records room at city hall. We're told the former Mayor kept a detailed record of the supernatural community. A ledger of names of witches, werewolves and vampires specifically their death records. We need it. Man: I-I don't know where it is. Elijah: I think we both know that's a fib. Anyone feeling hungry? (Elijah closes the door a little so that the sunlight is not there and the vampires can come forward.) Man: Oh! Ok w-wait they moved the records after the Mayor died they're at the sacristy of St. Anne's Church. Elijah: See? There, wasn't so difficult, now, was it? Fleur-de-Lis Sanatorium (Rebekah is running through the abandoned corridors when she comes around the corner to face two small children they stand before her quietly then suddenly they let out a piercing, deafening scream.) Rebekah: Ah! (She stumbles backward) Genevieve: rRugh day? Oh, Becks! Those bites are looking nasty. Rebekah: Why make me relive the past? We both know how it ends. Genevieve: You and I both know, but I thought your brother might like to hear our story, so I linked your mind to his. You’re gonna show him everything. Rebekah: NO! NO! Please don’t do that to me, I’ll do anything. Genevieve: It’s too late, friend. (Rebekah tries to attck her but Genevieve is too strong; Rebekah grabs her head and screams in pain until she falls unconscious; Genevieve walks away leaving Rebekah alone in the hall) The Abattoir Elijah: Marcel, here’s another name from our list: Brynne Deveraux. Says here she drowned herself some twenty years ago. Do you recognize the name? Marcel: Brynne? Yeah, yeah, we used to hang out knock around a bit. Elijah: You can spare me the details, please. Marcel: She used to do some spells for me now and then. Girl had power, cursed a whole pack of werewolves just because they were pissing me off. Speaking of, what do you think Klaus is gonna do when he finds out that you left him to suffer while you saved Hayley and her wolf friends? Elijah: Let’s avoid discussing matters that are not your concern, shall we, Marcellus? Marcel: Oh, come on, Elijah. I got guys all over this city. You honestly think that I don’t know that the Crescent wolves had a little family reunion out at the plantation last night? Thanks for letting the house burn, by the way. Good riddance! But my question is, what’s Hayley doing with that bunch? Elijah: Marcel, I’m aware of your history with the city’s wolves, and I assume you understand that if you lay a finger upon Hayley, it will be the last thing you do on this earth. Marcel: I see I ht a nerve. And just when we were getting along. Elijah: We were right! Every name upon my flesh signifies a witch who died by her own hand. All but one. Clara Summerlin. Marcel: Ring any bells? Elijah: None. Marcel: Okay, well, if she didn’t off herself then how did she die? Elijah: Influenza Epidemic of 1919. (His tattoos disappear) Elijah: I suppose we have our answer, though I have no idea what it means. Fleur-de-Lis Sanatorium (Genevieve has an old record player sitting on a vintage wheelchair, she plays an old jazz tune it echoes throughout the hospital corridors; Rebekah wakes to the sound. A quick sht to the Jazz Club in 1919 playing the song.) Rebekah: NO! NO! Please! (Klaus hears the music as well; Genevieve enters the room). Genevieve: Your sister's tryst with Marcel was only the beginning. You see, the burden of your condemnation was too great, and as a result your deepest fear came to pass: that their love for each other would overshadow their love for you and turn it into hate. Nik, they conspired to rid themselves of you for good. (Rebekah runs down the hall she finds the record player and smashes it against the ground but the music still plays as she holds her head flashing back to that night in the Jazz club). Flashback Jazz Club, 1919 (Clara, Rebekah and Genevieve walk through the club) Clara: Okay, next round’s on me. Genevieve: Clara Summerlin, no! I’ll be soused. Rebekah: Get it while you can – it’s the last real gin in the city! (Clara heads to the bar) Clara: Bartender? (Rebekah and Genevieve sit down at a table) Genevieve: You’re nothing like I thought you’d be when I first met you. I was brought up to think your kind were, well... Rebekah: An abomination of nature? Genevieve: You’re anything but! Not just you, your whole family is so... elegant (A quick sht over to Elijah) Rebekah: Yes, I agree, Elijah is quite peerless. Genevieve: I don’t know... I mean, he’s nice and all, but if I had to go for one Mikaelson boy... Rebekah: Klaus? Genevieve, who’d have thought a saintly little witch like you would go for the bad boys? I knew we were destined to be friends! At the bar Clara: More gin, please. (A man next to her spills his drink on her) Clara: Oh! (Elijah appears by her side, handing his handkerchief to her) Elijah: Please, allow me. Keep it, it’s yours. (He walks off) At Rebekah’s table Rebekah: Well, there’s a load of us Mikaelsons. If you like bad boys, you’d love my brother, Kol. (Present-day Klaus appears, observing this conversation intently within his mind.) Genevieve: And where is this mystery brother of yours? Rebekah: It’s complicated. Like all siblings, we’ve had our ups and downs. Family feuds. In fact, I was thinking of reaching out to someone we haven’t seen in a very long while. I was hoping that maybe you could help me contact them. But it would have to be a surprise. No one could know. Genevieve: Of course. Do you want me to find your brother Kol? Rebekah: Actually, I’d like you to find Mikael... our father. End of Flashback, Present Day Klaus: ENOUGH OF YOUR LIES! Genevieve: Don’t dismember the messenger. Part of you must have known, suspected at least. Your father came to New Orleans in 1919 to kll you, did he not? And as the city brned, he nearly succeeded. Klaus: My family and I have done some terrible things to each other over the years, but Rebekah would not call my father! No matter how angry she was. Genevieve: It’s sweet of you to believe that, to believe in her, but by the time we’re done you’ll know just how wrong you are. The Abattoir (Hayley is typing on the computer as Elijah enters) Hayley: Hey, look, I found– (Elijah stops her with a gesture, indicating silence.) Elijah: You were right about the Deveraux witch. (Before she can say anything Marcel enters) Marcel: Find anything about Clara, the mystery witch? Hayley: Not much. She was a nurse as the Fleur De Lis Sanatorium (Marcel freezes) Hayley: Recognize her? (She clicks on a picture and points to her) Hayley: Top row, second from the right. Elijah: No, I don’t. Marcel. (He looks up and recognizes the odd behavior) Elijah: Marcel? Do I need to remind you that Niklaus and Rebekah are somewhere suffering horribly? If you know something, talk. Marcel: The Sanatorium. That’s where you’ll find them. Hayley: Are you sure? How do you know? Marcel: I just know. Elijah: How do you know? Marcel: If I’m right, you need to know exactly what we’re walking into. We did something, Rebekah and I... I think the witches are trying to use it against her. It was, uh... something that you’re not gonna like. Fleur-de-Lis Sanatorium Genevieve: Are you ready to see more proof? (Klaus doesn’t say anything, so Genevieve links their minds again) Flashback Cemetery, 1919 (Genevieve is performing a spell while Marcel and Rebekah stand behind her; Klaus watches unseen. Genevieve holds up a newspaper article with a photo of Marcel and Klaus at the Jazz Club; she crumples it up and uses a wooden blade to put into the flame of the candle flame; Klaus gasps) Present Day Genevieve: What do you see? Klaus: My father’s blade... it went missing when I was a boy. He bat me half to death, so sure I had stolen it. Rebekah was so kind to me in the weeks after the beating... I should have known she was the culprit. She never could stand wapon were things not meant for girls. Flashback GENEVIEVE: Pran ce mesaj sa a, les cendres sur le vent. (Genevieve finishes the spell as the newspaper article catches fre and disintegrates) Present Day Rebekah: No! (Klaus is sitting in the chair, tears fall from his face he now knows the truth ) Klaus: My sister. Rebekah. REBEKAH! The Abattoir ELIJAH: For the better part of a century, I have wondered how father found us, what foolish mistake that we had made to destroy our time in the one place that we could finally call home. Did you know, I even blamed myself for a time, Marcellus? HAYLEY: Elijah..! ELIJAH: Niklaus treated you like a son. MARCEL: Rebekah. I loved her. I still love her. All we ever wanted was to be together, but as long as Klaus was around, that was never gonna happen. But hey, I guess you wouldn't know anything about that, huh? ELIJAH: When Klaus learns the truth, there will be no end to his rage. I will not let my sister suffer that wrath. MARCEL: Then we need to get to them before he learns the truth. SANITORIUMEdit CELESTE: Just give it up, Rebekah. It's inevitable at this point. REBEKAH: Sabine. CELESTE: I prefer Celeste, actually. All these names I've had over the years and I still prefer the first. Perhaps it was the way it sounded on Elijah's lips, like a declaration of love. Oh, he was a good liar. All of you are. REBEKAH: Say what you want about me, but Elijah is a good man. CELESTE: Still defending him, even until the bitter end. Good. I'm counting on that familial love. It'll be the ruin of you all. Now that Klaus knows what you've done, he'll never stop until he's had his revenge. He'll kll Marcel. Do something horrible to you. Elijah will never forgive him. Your betrayal will ultimately pit brother against brother. And the fabled Mikaelson bond will crumble. REBEKAH: I'll kll you, you bitch. CELESTE: You already did. Though at the time, I wore a different face. FLASHBACK REBEKAH: Genevieve, we need to talk. Privately. CLARA: I'll be fine here. You go ahead. You should wash up anyway. Hey. Incinerate that as soon as you can. PRESENT DAY REBEKAH: You were the other one. Clara. You should have minded your own business. CELESTE: I suspected my friend was being exploited. It was my business. FLASHBACK GENEVIEVE: Call it off? Are you mad? REBEKAH: I was wrong. It was stupid and and impulsive, and it will ruin us, Genevieve. Not just Klaus but Elijah, too. I risked tearing our family apart for my own selfish happiness. I'm begging you, please, don't bring Mikael here. If Klaus finds out what we have done... what you have done. GENEVIEVE: Klaus will kll me. He'll kll my entire family. REBEKAH: Which is exactly why I need you to undo it. GENEVIEVE: It doesn't work that way. There is no undoing it. Mikael is coming. The only hope now Is tell Klaus the truth. Confess what we've done. REBEKAH: That is not an option. He will dagger me and leave me in a box for centuries. You will not say a word. GENEVIEVE: You used me. This whole time. Our friendship. All you wanted was a favor, and now you want to take it back? Well, you can't. And I will not suffer because I was foolish enough to trust you. REBEKAH: It was a mistake. I know that now. But that one mistake will destroy us. Aah! Uhh! Aah! GENEVIEVE: You brought this on yourself. I will not be destroyed along with you. Uhh! REBEKAH: I'm so sorry, Genevieve. But if you tell Niklaus you summoned Mikael, you're dad either way. CLARA: Genevieve, is everything all right? PRESENT DAY CELESTE: So, you infected me, too. Compelled the orderlies to keep us in quarantine until we died. Fortunately, I just took another body. Genevieve wasn't so lucky. Well, now that she's back You're the one who's luck's run out. (Elsewhere in the sanatorium, Genevieve talks to Klaus) GENEVIEVE: I'm sorry. I know how much this hurts. To see what she did To see who she really is. But you needed to know. You needed to see it. And now that you have, you can take your revenge. Our revenge. Please. Go ahead. You'll need your strength for what comes next. (Klaus feeds from Genevieve's arm. She slowly undoes his bindings. He jumps up suddenly, aiming Papa Tunde's blade at her, but leaves her unharmed.) KLAUS: Rebekah! Rebekah! (Elijah and Marcel arrive outside the sanatorium) ELIJAH: We should divide the building. I'll start at one end, you at the other. (Inside, Rebekah sees Klaus) REBEKAH: Nik. Nik, it isn't true. KLAUS: I want to believe you, sister. But your face tells a different story. You cannot hide from me, Rebekah! Nor can you run. This ends now. (Outside, Celeste walks out the front of the sanatorium. Hayley sneaks up on her and hits her over the head with a shovel.) CELESTE: Uhh! HAYLEY: Hey, there, witch bitch. You and I are gonna have a little chat. (Inside, Klaus hunts Rebekah) KLAUS: Rebekah! Tired of running? REBEKAH: I know how much you enjoy the chase. I'd sooner deny you the pleasure. KLAUS: Well, then I'll take my pleasures in other ways. No more "daggered in a box" for you. Trust me, sister, you'll long for what the dagger offered. This will be far less merciful. How to describe exactly what this blade does? REBEKAH: You don't have to do this, Nik. KLAUS: After I plunge this into your heart, you will be immobilized, imprisoned in a state of raw, inescapable anguish. Time loses all meaning. It's not unlike a living hell, which I find rather fitting given your treachery. REBEKAH: Then do it. If that's what you really want. KLAUS: Are we skipping the part where you beg for mercy? For forgiveness? Because I was really looking forward to that. REBEKAH: I'll pass. I know better than to think it would do me any good. KLAUS: That's it, then? You concede? Like a lamb to the slaughter. What would your father think of you now? (Rebekah goes at Klaus, but he throws her off easily. Still weak from the werewolf venom, she grunts in pain. Covertly grabbing a wapon, she gets up and goes at Klaus again, hitting him repeatedly with it. Klaus is stronger and throws her off. Marcel enters and goes at Klaus, ineffectively.) KLAUS: Just the man I wanted to see. MARCEL: Uhh. KLAUS: Rebekah's punishment won't be complete until she watches you die. REBEKAH: Nik, it was my idea to summon Mikael. If you're gonna hurt anyone, it should be me. KLAUS: Such loyalty to your beloved. You know, if you had offered me even a fraction of the same, I wouldn't have to do this. (He lifts the blade, about to sab Rebekah with it, but Elijah intervenes and s*ab it into Klaus' chest.) ELIJAH: Go. Both of you. Run as far and as fast as you can. Run! (Rebekah and Marcel get away, leaving Elijah with a disabled Klaus in his arms.) END CREDITS -Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x14 - Long Way Back From Hell"}	foreverdreaming
Flashback – Jazz Club, 1919 [A Jazz number plays at a local club everyone is united enjoying themselves as people dance, sing, laugh, mingle and drink. At the bar Elijah, Lana, and Klaus turn to observe the scene before them] Klaus: Well this is a first. Werewolves, vampires, witches and dirty cops. [glances at a group of cops toasting their glasses together and drinking to the occasion] All happy as clams and drunk as stoats. [Klaus smiles as Elijah orders three shts] Lana: You gotta love this city. Elijah: To a new era! Collaboration in the face of Prohibition. Lana: To your docks, their booze, and our theatres to hide it under. You're welcome, boys. [They happily toast their glasses together and drink] Klaus: [smirks] Now, I shall have to think of a way to thank you personally, in a manner befitting a werewolf queen. Lana: [strokes Klaus' face affectionately] Catch you on the dance floor. [She walks past him and heads into the crowd] Elijah: Who would have thought it possible, the unification of New Orleans? [Klaus playfully grips Elijah's shoulders] Klaus: We did it, brother. [Elijah puts his arm around his brother's shoulder and whirls him around to overlook the scene before him] Elijah: Oh, certainly, we worked together, Niklaus. But this vision? This was all you. END FLASHBACK Present Day – Compound, Klaus' Bedroom [Klaus lies in bed shirtless; his eyes closed and gasping as Elijah watches] Elijah: [to Klaus] This was all you. [Cami rushes into the compound in a hurry. The other vampires glance at her, confused by her presence] Vampire: What's she doing here? Elijah: [calls out to Cami] Camille! [gestures for her to enter the room] Please. Cami: Why did you call me? Have you found a way to help my uncle? Elijah: I can try, but first, I need your help. Cami: I don't have time for games, Elijah. The hex on him is getting worse by the day. Elijah: My brother has a mystical trture device buried in his chest, and the mother of his child is inexplicably missing. So, I can assure you, I have no time to play any games, either. Cami: [face grows serious] What do you need me to do? [The scene changes. Now, they are in Klaus' bedroom] Cami: The dagger the witch gave me is inside of him? [Elijah removes his jacket and rolls up his sleeve] Elijah: And every second it remains causes Niklaus untold suffering. Cami: Who sab him? Elijah: I did, and now I intend to remove it. You might want to take a step back. Cami: [shocked and confused] Why am I here? Elijah: Because of all the people that could be here, you're probably the only one he wouldn't immediately slaughter. [He uses a scapel to slice into him along the red scar on his stomach] Also, he speaks of you [He plunges his hand into Klaus' chest] with what is a rare degree--for him, at least--of respect. I can see you challenge him to see himself and others in a new light [He finally pulls the Knfe out of Klaus' chest, and he groans] Klaus: [in agony] AGH! Elijah: A wonderful skill that I shall be counting on very shortly. You see, Niklaus will be weak as he recovers. So, watch over him and feed him, if you would. But slowly, please, and from your wrist. Cami: Don't you guys have bags of blood in storage? Elijah: We do, but your blood is laced with vervain. So, it will burn him. He'll ingest it slower. Perhaps you could use the time constructively, persuade him not to mrder his baby sister. [to Klaus] Niklaus, It was not my desire to bring you pain, but I will not see you hurt Rebekah. [to Cami] Now, I fear Sabine may be making a final move against us. I intend to find her and to end this. Klaus: [whispers weakly] Elijah. You will pay for this. [Celeste (still in Sabine's body) has her hands tied in front of her as she leans back against a tree. Hayley and Eve stand in front of her, gn aimed at her, while the rest of their clan, stuck in wolf form, surrounds her.] Sabine: [frustrated] So what's this, payback? Look. I'm sorry I tricked you. I wasn't after you. Eve: What, and we were just collateral damage? You almost brned her and Jackson alive in that plantation fre. [Sabine struggles against the ropes to free herself as Hayley fires the gn] Hayley: [sht a warning sht near Celeste] Careful, Sabine, or Celeste or whatever you like to call yourself. Sudden moves make me jumpy. [she cocks the gn again] And homicidal. Sabine: What, you're gonna kll me, honey? Hayley: No. I know better. [the wolves growl behind her] See, I know all about you. I know that you like to off yourself and then jump into other people's bodies. Well, that's not gonna happen here. I know I can't kll you, but try hexing me, and my friend Eve here will kneecap you. Go for her, and then, well, I'll really make it hurt. Sabine: So, what do you want? Hayley: Back in the 90's, you inhabited a witch named Brynne Deveraux, remember? Marcel had her, you, put a curse on a lot of werewolves so they'd only turn human on a full moon. Sabine: I see. Yes. That was me.Let me guess. You want revenge. Hayley: I want you to undo the curse. [Sabine smiles smugly] [Cami sits by Klaus bedside] Cami: Wow, things I never thought I'd be doing- Feeding a vampire. My 16-year-old self would think I'm really cool right now. [she offers her wrist to him and he drinks quickly] Klaus: Mmm. Cami: Ah! Slow down. Klaus: Okay. Cami: Doesn't the vervain burn? Klaus: [releases her arm] As you may have yet to realize, Cami, the line between what brings us pain and what sustains us is far thinner than one imagines. Cami: You talking about my blood or your need to hunt down the people you love most? Klaus: I'm too weak for one of your talks right now. Cami: She's your sister. How can you hate her? Klaus: Because she has done what no one else has managed to do to me for 1,000 years...Rip my heart out. Flashback – Jazz Club, 1919 [Rebekah and Marcel walk into the Jazz Club and approach the bar together as Elijah and Klaus watch from a nearby table] Klaus: Look at these two pretending to be apart while so clearly a pair. [He stands up but Elijah puts his hand on his arm to stop him from making a scene] Elijah: Niklaus, not now. Why must you cause trouble? [He finishes; Klaus two glasses off the table and clinks them together to get everyone's attention; he raises his hand and the band stops playing] Klaus: I'd like to take this opportunity to draw attention to two people who have been sneaking around behind my back together. As we move into a new era, we require more progressive attitudes to match. So, to my loving sister and my right-hand man and best friend Marcel, may they find joy in each other. [Everyone drinks; Marcel and Rebekah are equally startled by Klaus speech] Enough talk...Music! [The band starts again and everyone returns to their party as Klaus approaches Rebekah at the bar] Klaus: Over the years, I've thwarted your loves simply to protect you. I knew if we had to run again, your heart would be broken, but we don't have to run anymore. We've found a home. [kisses her cheek] Be happy, my sister. Klaus: [in present day, to Cami, in voiceover] I'd let my guard down and given in to happiness, more fool, I. End of Flashback [Klaus sits up in bed buttoning up his shirt] Klaus: Turns out, they'd already betrayed me, and brought to town the one thing I'd been running from for centuries...My father. Cami: Oh. Klaus: Yes. Oh. [Klaus lays back down] Cami: So, you're consumed by revenge you'll never achieve. Elijah implied Rebekah and Marcel could be anywhere in the world by now. Klaus: Oh, I'm not so sure about that. Flashback – Jazz Club, 1919 Rebekah: Can you believe we're sitting out here in the open bold as brass? Marcel: No. Ah, it feels like heaven. Rebekah: You know, it's been over 6 months since Genevieve summoned my father, and nothing. Her spell must have failed. Marcel: Hey, if so, we dodged a bllet. [Marcel smiles, and they kiss] Rebekah: Right. I am off to speak at the Women's Temperance Society meeting to make sure the wives of this city urge their husbands not to drink. Marcel: [laughs] Aren't you all in the booze biz now? Rebekah: Yes, but the more one tells you you can't have something, the more you crave it at all costs. [She kisses him again. Marcel laughs as she heads for the door. A gentlemen at the bar watches her go. When the camera turns toward his face, we see that it is Mikael] End of Flashback Present Day Rebekah: He'll chase us to the ends of the earth, and he'll find us. No one can hide forever, especially not from an angry Mikaelson. Marcel: Then we go through with the plan. There's only one way that we'll truly be able to hide from Klaus forever. Compound – Klaus' Bedroom Klaus: They'll need a cloaking spell, and for that, they'll need a witch. Fork in the Road – Marcel's Car Marcel: Davina is our one sht. Rebekah: If we go back and get her, it's a su1c1de mission. Marcel: It's our only hope. We resurrect her, take her with us, and get out of town. Then, she can hide us from Klaus so he'll never find us. Rebekah: We don't even know the right witch to kll to bring her back. Marcel: Then we'll kll them all. Rebekah: [skeptical] Just kll the three witches that brought the mighty Klaus Mikaelson to his knees, no big deal. Marcel: Look. Unless you want to spend eternity looking over your shoulder, there's only one thing that we can do. Compound – Klaus' Bedroom Klaus: There's only one place they can go. Fork in the Road – Marcel's Car [Rebekah leans her head back into the seat of the car; her eyes wet with tears. She sighs as Marcel turns the car around and they head back toward the city] Klaus: Home. [Monique lays on the ground in the tunnel surrounded by candles chanting in French Creole at the sound of approaching footsteps she stops] Monique: When order is restored, your kind won't be allowed in here. Elijah: Well, fortunately, that day has not yet come. I need to find Sabine. I believe she's taken someone very important to me. [Monique sits up] Monique: [scoffs] And you thought I'd help you? [she stands up and faces him] Sabine is one of us, committed to the rise of the witches. Elijah: The only thing Sabine is committed to is the destruction of my family. Monique: And that would be a bad thing why? Elijah: Like your mother, my mother was also a witch, a very powerful witch. In fact, because of my family, her power now flows through your veins. Now, once Sabine manipulates those around her, she will do what she has always done. She will jump into another body and disappear, leaving your witches powerless. Monique: No. She has the faith. She will see our power restored. Elijah: There's a way of guaranteeing this. I'll also secure the safety of yourself and your kind. Here. [He hands her a spell] This is from my mother's grimoire. Celeste used a similar spell to body jump. If what Sabine says is true, when she sacrifices herself, all of her power will flow back into the earth. However, if she has lied and tries to take another body, this spell will deliver her to a very different destination. Now, please locate Sabine. [Rebekah and Marcel meet with Thierry] Rebekah: Papa Tunde is dad. That leaves Sabine, Bastianna, and Genevieve. Marcel: We want to kll them all, and as soon as Davina rises, we take her with us. [Thierry pours himself and Marcel a drink] Rebekah: Look. We have one sht at this, and I know our chances of success are sweet bugger all, but we've got to do it. So please, one stray dog to another, help us. Thierry: Not many go up against those odds and live to tell the story. Have you? [he hands Marcel a drink] Marcel: I'm still standing here, aren't I? I've gone up against the worst of them all. Flashback – Jazz Club,Bar, 1919 [Mikael sits at the bar alone drinking as Marcel approaches his side to order himself a drink] Marcel: [to bartender] I'll take another Mikael: You're a lucky man. [Marcel turns to face him, but doesn't recognize him] Mikael: Men search the world over for a woman like her. Marcel: Well, she's taken, friend. Mikael: Oh, I can see that. It's just that she reminds me so much of my departed wife as a girl. See, I've been traveling for such a long time that it's a blessing to see a familiar soul so far from home. Marcel: I'm sorry for your loss. Here's to old faces in new places. [They toast their glasses together and drink] Mikael: I've been in New Orleans for a day, and I find it to be quite surprising. Had I known of its charm and fascinating denizens, I would have come ages ago. Don't suppose I have to thank you for extending this invitation. Marcel: Who are you? Mikael: Oh, you're a smart man. I think you know. [He reaches into his pocket and hands him the photograph of Klaus that Genevive had sent him him] I'm an intelligent man myself. [starts to compel him] So, have a seat. [Marcel immediately sits next to him] Mikael: Let me tell you what I learned about you this afternoon, Marcel Gerard. You chafe under the control of my son Niklaus and would do just about anything to get rid if him, even call the one man on this earth who hates him more than you do. But, I couldn't understand what you hoped to gain. Rule of this city? Well, as I said, New Orleans has its charms, but to call me, the one they call the Destroyer, the one who's burnt cities far more charming to the ground in pursuit of his children. But now I see. You did it for love, the love of my daughter. Marcel: Don't you dare touch her! [he grips the bar and glares at him thrat] Mikael: Mmm, so I'm going to make you a promise. I won't hurt Rebekah. Truth be told, she was always my favorite. And this city, you can have it, but first, you must tell me where to find my son. End of Flashback Present Day – Compound, Klaus Bedroom [Klaus sits up, he attempts to get out of bed but he is too weak. He nearly falls, but Cami catches him] Klaus: Ugh. Cami: You're still weak. Klaus: I'm still hungry. There's a fresh blood supply in the kitchen. Cami: You won't make it that far. So, be a good little boy and get back into bed. Klaus: If I had a quid for every time a woman has tried that line on me Cami: You'd have, like, no money. Klaus: I beg to differ. Some women actually find me quite charming. Flashback – Compound, Klaus' Bedroom, 1919 [Lana and Klaus are hooking up in Klaus' bed when Elijah enters the room] Lana: Uh! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Elijah: Sleeping with the enemy, I see. Lana: I'm the ally now, darling. Elijah: Well, indeed. Klaus: Oh, and as a gesture of goodwill from our old enemy...[he holds up four tickets] tickets to tonight's opera, "Le Grand Guignol." Lana: They have a soprano to die for. I'll introduce you if you promise not to eat her. Elijah: Oh, Lana, a good soprano is never dinner. Klaus: Tell Rebekah to bring Marcel. Feel free to tell her now, big brother. I have some business I need to discuss with our new ally. End of Flashback Present Day – Compound, Klaus' Bedroom Cami: Why am I not surprised you like opera? Klaus: I always had a particular soft spot for Le Grand Guignol. I like the story. It was a (he gets up out of bed) tale of forbidden love, a "Romeo and Juliet" of sorts. On the day they are to marry, family and long-festering hatred intervene. Thousands are massacred. A father even kills his own child in the final act. I can almost appreciate the irony. The Bayou [Sabine sits on a tree stump her hands still tied together but she has managed to mix together some herbs into a mason jar] Sabine: Here. [Hayley takes the jar from Sabine] It's herbs ground into paste. It'll act as a conduit for the spell. On the next full moon, your people become human. Feed it to them, the curse will be broken. Hayley: Great way to poison us all at once. Sabine: Look. I know you have no reason to trust me, but, Hayley, I actually like you. I was you, caring for Elijah when he cared more for his brother, and I ended up dad. So did a lot of others. This, call it a chance for me to give you what I was too in love to give myself. It's a chance to free yourself from The Originals. Eve: You believe her? [a wolf growls behind her] Elijah: Whatever she's promised you, it's a lie. [Elijah appears in the bayou] Hayley: Elijah, it's okay. I'm okay. Elijah: She cannot be trusted. Hayley: She's the only one that can help my pack. Elijah: Do you have any idea what she has done to our family? Hayley: I know you want revenge, and come the next full moon, when I'm sure her cure works, she's all yours. Elijah: Are you suggesting that we hold her, her, cptive for an entire month? It would take an army. Hayley: And I've got one. [the wolves howl] So help me or get out of my way. [Elijah pauses only for a moment and then at vampire speed he grabs Sabine and the jar from Hayley she gasps as he and Sabine disappear. Elijah has gotten far enough away from Hayley where he and Sabine are alone now in the bayou; he throws her up against a tree, she grunts as he holds the jar of herbs] Elijah: You tricked her. Sabine: It's no trick. You're holding the cure for Hayley's clan in your hand. If her wolves take that elixir, the curse is no more. They're free. Elijah: You condemned her people to decades of agony, and now you just break the curse without so much as a whimper. Why? Sabine: Because it's the best thing I could do for her and it's the worst possible thing I could do to you. Elijah: What are you saying? Sabine: That, no matter what happens now, you've lost her. You destroy that jar, you kll me, Hayley will hate you for snatching her family from her. Now, if you give her the jar, we both know that she'll leave you in the end to be with them, and I know that as long as she's alive and happy and fulfilled in ways that you can't even imagine, then I get my revenge. So, you decide. Give her everything she ever wanted and lose her or deny it, see what happens then. Docks [Thierry sits down with Bastianna and Genevieve] Thierry: Where's the third one, Sabine? I asked to meet with all three of you. Genevieve: Our meeting you at all is a courtesy for your being a friend to witches in the past, but courtesy has its limits. Now, you said you had information of interest to us. Thierry: Rebekah and Marcel are back. They came for Davina, and they think that they can get her if they kll all three of you. [The two witches smile at one another, amused] Now look. I can lead you straight to them, but there's something I want in return. Bastianna: And what's that? Thierry: [stands up] Your life. [He vamps out, baring his teeth at the witches and lunging towards them. Before he can attck, Bastiana uses magic to give him an aneurysm, and he falls to the ground, unconscious. Marcel vamp speeds into the room and slams Bastiana's head against the table. Rebekah follows in behind him and throws Genevieve against the wall. Marcel easily rips Bastiana's head from her body, but as Rebekah attempts to kll Genevieve she chants at her and gives her an aneurysm as well. Rebekah grabs her head and screams in pain. Marcel attempts to attck but Genevieve stops him by chanting a spell that lights his jacket on fre] Genevieve: Follow me, and I'll turn you both into ash. [She leaves. The fre on Marcel's jacket goes out. Rebekah attempts to follow but Marcel stops her] Marcel: Forget her. We'll get her later. Rebekah: Marcel, all we have is the element of surprise, and we have lost it. If we don't leave now, there will be no one to save us. Marcel: I already failed Davina once. I'm not leaving her behind. Compound, Living Room [Cami comes into the room, Klaus is pouring himself a drink] Cami: Not sure that helps. Klaus: Not sure it doesn't. Cami: You want to self-medicate your self-pity, fine. Better scotch than my blood, no matter what Elijah says. Klaus: Don't speak to me of Elijah. Cami: He loves you. Klaus: Yes. He does, and he proves it time and again, even when my father enlisted him to kll me. Flashback – Elijah's Room, 1919 [Elijah is getting ready for the opera he stands in front of the mirror but turns at the sound of footsteps entering the room. He is absoutely dumbfounded by the one that stands before him] Mikael: "Le Grand Guignol." Saw it in Venice, marvelous production. Elijah: You- Mikael: It's all right, son. I just want to talk. Elijah: You mercilessly hunt us for centuries. You laid waste to half of Europe. Now you simply wish to talk? Mikael: It was your bastard brother I hunted, not you, never you. You're my blood, one that I'd be proud to call son. So I came here to give you a chance to help me put down that whelp for good. [Elijah attcks his father in a rage slamming him against the wall. Mikael throws Elijah across the room he slams into the opposite wall, wood splinters come crashing down around him as he falls to the floor] Elijah: Do you really not know me? [he gets to his feet] Do you think I could or would believe in anything that you say? If you honestly believe that I would betray my own brother for you, you're a fool without equal. Mikael: I'll forgive you your sentimental affections for the thing you call brother, but you need to realize, as I did when I learned his mother had lain with a beast to beget him that Niklaus is an abomination. You do not talk to abominations. You do not reason with them or try to change them. You erase them. So, yes, I am asking you to help me kll your brother. End of Flashback Present Day – Compound, Living Room Cami: You keep saying kll, but you're immortal. You can't be klled. Klaus: Oh, but we can, love, and my father was the only one with the means to do it. A white oak stake fashioned by my father to take from us the very thing he forced upon us all--our immortality. Flashback – Elijah's Room, 1919 [Mikael takes out the White Oak Stake; Elijah attcks his father again. Mikael slams Elijah up against the wall and pushes the stake toward Elijah who desperately uses all his strength to fight him off] Mikael: Stand with me or fall with him. Choose, son. [Elijah throws Mikael off of him] Elijah: I will ALWAYS...Choose him! Mikael: Fine. [At vampire speed, Mikael grabs a wooden splinter and sab Elijah in the heart with it] End of Flashback Present Day – Compound, Living Room Klaus: Elijah has always carried guilt for that night for not stopping our father. I told him not to blame himself. When your father wants to kll you, he wants to kll you, nothing you can do about it. [Klaus' cell phone vibrates, and he checks it] Oh, I hate to be a know-it-all. My sister and her lover have been spotted in town. So story time endeth here, I'm afraid. ( [He walks over to a statue on the table and knocks it over. The statue breaks on the floor, revealing the indestructible white oak stake inside] Cami: What is that? Klaus: A White Oak Stake, my own special version. And, unlike my father's, this one cannot be destroyed. [He vamp speeds out of the room] New Orleans, Street [Cami comes out of the compound and into the street to find Klaus feeding on a man] Cami: What are you doing? Klaus: Well, if you have to ask, you obviously haven't been paying attention. I'm going to kll my sister, but first, I needed some sustenance with a little less vervain in it, no offense. Cami: When Davina showed me all you did to me, all you took from me, I wanted to kll you. I even thought about burying that blade in you like the witches asked me to, but I didn't. I stopped. I thought. I weighed the good I see in you versus the horrible things I know you've done, and I realized if I hurt you, I'd be filled with a terrible regret. You will, too, if you hurt your sister, your sister, Klaus. As a person who has lost a sibling, who has felt that pain, you won't survive if you're the one who kills her. Klaus: I'll tell you what I almost didn't survive, love...My sister bringing the most vile creature ever to have walked the earth down upon me. Cami: Yes, your father, but by hunting Rebekah and Marcel down to the ends of the earth, by terrorizing them the way you yourself were terrorized Don't become your father. Klaus: I've been called every shade of monster, but that's new. My father? Mikael was the monster monsters were afraid of. Come. Let me show you. [He grabs hold of her] The Bayou [Elijah and Sabine return to the Bayou where Hayley sits on a log; she is alone with the exception of one wolf who has stayed behind; Jackson] Hayley: You came back. Elijah: I'll always come back. Take it. It will work. Hayley: Eve and I will round up as many of our people as we can. Come full moon, I can finally free my family. [She hugs Elijah] Elijah: Hayley, I wonder if they have any idea how lucky they are to have you. [Hayley smiles and leaves with Jackson, still in wolf form] Sabine: Mmm. That was touching, such a chaste, little kiss. The Elijah I knew was never so meek. Elijah: Well, the Celeste I knew was never so cruel. What is it that you want? What's your end game? Sabine: Oh, this game never ends, Elijah. We're both immortal, you know. Elijah: Then what's the point if you can't possibly win? Sabine: [smirks] But, I have. You just lost the girl, the girl you never made a move on because you were so desperate to save your family. And now, your family lies in ruins. Elijah: My family, despite all that you have done, will heal in time. Sabine: If you had the time, maybe, but you really think Rebekah ran far and fast from here? I bet she didn't. Elijah: She's long gone. Sabine: Is she? She's with Marcel. Now, Marcel loves Davina. Davina is dad, but she could come back under the right circumstances. Elijah: They wouldn't dare. Sabine: If you hadn't been so worried about Hayley, you might have figured it out sooner, but you know who did have the time to think about it? Your brother. I wonder what he'll do. [Elijah grabs Sabine by the neck and vamps out] Sabine: Do it. [Elijah bites into her neck] Main Street – Old Opera House Klaus: [to Cami] You know your city's history. That night in 1919, when the opera house brned down on this very spot? That was my father at his worst. Flashback – Opera House, 1919 [It's a full house tonight as Rebekah and Klaus sit in a private box; Klaus looks at the program] Klaus: Well, this is off to a bad start. Your first big date together in public after I gave you my blessing, and he stood you up. Rebekah: Something must have delayed him. Klaus: Or, now that your elicit affair is out in the open, he finds the whole relationship a tad lackluster and has run off to Havana with a showgirl. Rebekah: Don't be such a toerag. I'm going to check the lobby. Klaus: See if you can't find our brother while you're there. The curtain is about to go up. [Rebekah leaves, and Klaus sets the program down. Someone enters the box and sits down behind him. It's Mikael. He pokes his white oak stake against Klaus' back] Mikael: I would advise against trying to flee, boy. I can drive this into your heart before you can even think of getting to your feet, and I don't want you to die yet. Klaus: Father--[he breathes out, shocked] Mikael: "Father"? Ha ha! Still clinging to that word after all these years, a bastard desperate for a daddy? I wonder if your real father would be as embarrassed as I was of you before I discovered you were not mine. Most likely. [Angry, Klaus is about to turn around but Mikael stops him] Oh, oh. Uh-uh. Easy now, boy. Don't worry. Death will come, but we need to have a little chat before you shuffle off your immortal coil. Klaus: Any words we have for each other have been spoken long ago, but know this-- I am no longer the animal begging for scraps of your affection. I will die knowing my hatred for you was just. I will fall proud of all I have achieved here. So, Mikael, if you're going to kll me, then get on with it. Mikael: Au contraire, Niklaus. Some things remain unsaid. For instance, you were right to be proud of your achievement here. As I walked the streets, your name was spoken of in reverent tones by the city's finest. So, after I kll you, I will remain here in New Orleans until every last person who remembers you is dad. The deeds of the mighty Klaus will be remembered by no one And you, boy, will simply never have existed. [Orchestra tuning] Ah. The grand show. [Mikael relaxes pulling the stake away from Klaus, as the lights go down] Oh, [Mikael leans forward and touches Klaus' shoulder] I made some alterations in your honor. You'll love it. [Baton taps] Klaus: [voice-over from present] And what a show it was. [The curtain goes up to reveal Marcel staked in the hands to a wooden X. He is barely conscious. Lana is dad and is propped up on a swing, her mouth taped shut and a stake through her chest. The audience laughs and applauds] Klaus: [voiceover] Mikael compelled the audience to watch it all, applaud as if it were the drollest of comedies, and then to leave celebrating a terrific night at the opera. I tried to save Marcel. [Klaus is on stage. He tries to pull the stakes from Marcel's hands but Mikael stops him] My father had other ideas. Rebekah attempted to intervene. [Applause from the crowd as Mikael pushes Rebekah to the ground and sab her in the stomach] All these years, I actually believed she was trying to save me. [Klaus tries to attck again but Mikael throws Klaus across the stage] Klaus: Agh! [Laughter and applause] [voiceover] But then big brother swooped in. Elijah: [in flashback] There's no helping Marcel. Klaus: [voiceover] Just when we thought all was lost. Elijah: We must run. [Klaus scooped Rebekah up in his arms, and as they leave, Mikael feeds off of Marcel then grabs a lantern from the stage] Klaus: [voiceover] And so I ran, beaten like the dog my father believed me to be And as we fled for our lives, he burnt it all to the ground [Mikael walks up toward the exit past the audience which is now silent and staring straight forward all compelled not to leave. He throws the lantern and it crashes and catches the Opera House on fre. Mikael leaves] and with it we assumed, Marcel. End of Flashback Present Day – Main Street, Old Opera House Klaus: I lived, but all that we had built died, as did the last shred of me that felt human. That is what my father took from me that night. I assure you, Camille, I will not terrorize my sister and her lover for centuries. Nor will I humiliate and torment or dehumanize them. No, none of that. I will simply and quickly end them. [he lets go of Cami and vamp speeds away before Cami can catch him] Cami: Klaus, wait! LaFayette Cemetery [Celeste sits against a grave in the cemetery awakening after Elijah bit her] Celeste: Now, you didn't have to bite me to get me here. I wanted front-row seats to this show. Elijah: And what show would that be? Celeste: [stands up] The one where you see your "Always and Forever" pact come crashing down around you. It's a myth, Elijah, a myth I died for. Elijah: And yet here you stand alive...For now. Celeste: Is that a thrat? Oh, there's always another pretty, young body for me to jump into. From now on, every time you feel a connection to a woman, you'll be forced to wonder if it's me. [as she talks, she backs away towards the entrance] You'll trust no one and spend the rest of eternity alone. [She crosses the threshold, and when Elijah tries to run after her, he's stopped by an invisible barrier] Hahaha! Hahaha! [Sabine laughs as he falls to the ground] I'm afraid you're trapped. Boundary spell. The Originals can enter, but they can't leave. Elijah: You wouldn't. Celeste: I would, and I did. [On the other side of the cemetery, Marcel and Rebekah have just dug up Davina; she was buried in a white cloth. He lowers the cloth to look at her face then covers it back up again] Marcel: I got you, D. I got you. [he picks her up in his arms and they hurry toward the exit. Marcel is able to leave freely but when Rebekah tries to follow she realizes she is trapped] What is it? Rebekah: It's a trap. Run. Get Davina out of here. Marcel: I'm not leaving you behind. Rebekah: You must. Marcel: I will not leave you behind! Rebekah: I swear I will join you. Go. Get Davina someplace safe. Marcel: I will [They stare at each other for a moment and then he vamp speeds away] [Return to where Celeste and Elijah are talking] Celeste: Don't worry. It's a lunar spell. You'll be free by the next moonrise. My guess is, your sister won't last that long. Ah, while this body has been a hell of a lot of fun, I do think it's time I find someone else to play in, don't you? [Celeste bends down and picks up a candle on the ground. She smashes it against a tree and picks up a shard of glass. She sab it into Sabine's neck; coughing she falls dad to the ground. Monique comes out of the shadows, disappointed, as she looks at Sabine's body] Monique: You were right. [Monique points toward the tunnels, revealing to Elijah that she had performed the spell. In the tunnel, Celeste awakens in her original body covered by a white sheet, gasping awake. She is shocked and confused as to this sudden turn of events] Elijah: Hello, Celeste. [Elijah enters as she gets to her feet and backs away from him] Celeste: How is this possible? Elijah: Monique Deveraux and I had a little wager regarding your ability to keep a promise. It appears I won. You were so consumed with my downfall, that you lost the trust of one of your own. Celeste: Non. Mon cheri, non. Tout est possible. Ce n'est pas fini. Aah! Elijah: Désolé. [Elijah sab her in the stomach with Papa Tunde's blade, she screams then drops to the ground dad] St. Anne's Church – Attic [Marcel lays Davina on the bed and waits anxiously and nervously. A moment passes when suddenly Davina awakens, she gasps and tries to fight her away out from under the sheet. Marcel rushes to her side] Marcel: Davina [sitting her up] You're ok. You're safe now. You hear me? You're safe. I won't let anyone hurt you, ok? LaFayette Cemetery [Klaus walks into the cemetery wielding the indestructible white oak stake, screaming in a rage for Rebekah] Klaus: REBEKAH! REBEKAH! Cherish the breath in your lungs! It'll be your last. Flashback – Main Street, Opera House, 1919 Mikael: The final act of Le Grand Guignol is upon us! Where are my players? Enough running, children! Step out of the shadows so we can finish this tale of sorrows. [He screams as he walks down the street with his white oak stake in hand. Just ahead, Klaus carries Rebekah in his arms. She is still unconscious as Elijah hurries beside him down the desolate dark street] Elijah: He's coming. [Elijah steps up onto the sidewalk and grabs a metal stake from someone's fence as Klaus sets Rebekah down on the street] Klaus: All right. [he bites into his wrist and feeds Rebekah his blood to awaken her] Come on, sister. Rebekah: Marcel. Elijah: He's gone, sister. [She looks behind them to see the Opera House in flames, screams are heard from those dying, trapped inside] Rebekah: No. No. [she cries] Elijah: Both of you must flee the city. I'll hold him off, Niklaus. [Klaus pulls up Rebekah to her feet] Klaus: No. We fight him together. Elijah: We cannot fight him. All we can do is do what we've done. We deceive him. We lead him astray. Now, I can do that as well as anyone. You take her far away from here. I'll follow you. Rebekah: No, Elijah. You can't. You can't, Elijah. [she cries] This is just- this is my fault. Klaus: No. This is my fault, Rebekah. I am so sorry. I'm sorry. Marcel--[the building explodes, all three turn to look; a siren blares] I thought we'd found a home here. Elijah: Niklaus, please. Sister, come. [he hugs Rebekah and kisses her cheek softly] You must leave. Go. [Klaus stares at him, a single tear falls from his face] Leave! [Elijah orders and at vampire speed Klaus disappears with Rebekah into the night] End of Flashback Present Day – Cemetery, Night [Elijah walks past the crypts and stops in front of one. Rebekah comes out beside him.] Rebekah: Elijah? Elijah: What are you doing here? Rebekah, you should be on the other side of the world by now. Rebekah: You and I both know that wouldn't have been far enough. Klaus: GET AWAY FROM HER! She's mine. [is eyes turn yellow as the veins protrude on his face. Elijah holds Papa Tunde's blade in his hand, it shakes as he bars his teeth at Klaus as does Rebekah. Both are ready to att*ck] END CREDITS -Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x15 - Le Grand Guignol"}	foreverdreaming
FLASHBACK – 1000 YEARS AGO [A storm rages outside as a very young Rebekah lays in her bed, frightened. Young Klaus walks over to comfort her] REBEKAH: [sniffling and crying] KLAUS: Hush now. It's just a storm. Don't be afraid. I won't let it hurt you. [Klaus leaves to grab a small wooden toy, before returning to his little sister] REBEKAH: Nik, don't go. KLAUS: I carved it for father. It's a brave knight. Now you can be brave, too. REBEKAH: Will you stay with me 'til the storm ends? KLAUS: I will always stay with you, Rebekah. No matter what. END FLASHBACK LAFAYETTE CEMETERY [Klaus, Elijah, and Rebekah are in a standoff while all three are trapped in the cemetery. Klaus has the indestructible white oak stake, while Elijah is holding Papa Tunde's blade] KLAUS: Rebekah! ELIJAH: [to Klaus] Walk away. KLAUS: Don't move! ELIJAH: [to Rebekah] Leave us now. REBEKAH: [scared and angry] I can't. I'm stuck here. Elijah, he has the white oak stake. KLAUS: [points the stake in her direction] I brought it for you, sister. ELIJAH: [to Rebekah] Get out of his sight. Your presence here only serves to anger him. Leave him to me now. [to Klaus] [Rebekah vamp-speeds away] ELIJAH: I'm asking you, brother to brother--we end this nonsense now. KLAUS: You would side with that traitor. ELIJAH: I am not choosing sides, but I will not allow you to hurt our sister. KLAUS: We cannot leave this cemetery, Elijah. How long do you think you can defend her? [Klaus vamp-speeds away, but Elijah easily catches up with him and blocks him] [On the other side of the cemetery, Rebekah is on the phone with Marcel, updating him on what has happened] ELIJAH: As long as it takes, by whatever means necessary. TITLE CARD & OPENING CREDITS MARCEL: Do whatever it takes. Just stay alive. I promise you, I'll get you out of there. REBEKAH: I've never seen him like this before. He's out of his mind with rage, up all night howling one obscenity-laced tirade after the next. He's gonna kll me. MARCEL: Alright, stay as far away from him as you can. REBEKAH: That's a brilliant strategy. But, given that that dad bitch Celeste has trapped us in here 'til moonrise, my options are somewhat limited. MARCEL: I'm not leaving you in there. Davina will find a loophole, get you out early, then we can all go together. If Klaus comes after us, we will take him on one hell of a ride. REBEKAH: I lived for centuries looking over my shoulder, ready to run at a moment's notice. Am I to go back to that? MARCEL: Worry about that later. Right now, just buy me some time. I promise you, I'll get you out of there. [Marcel enters Davina's attic room with a bag. Davina is very pale, and looks extremely sad as she sits quietly on her bed] MARCEL: Hey, D, how you feelin'? Got you some stuff-- organic soap, and scented candles, some incense. Just trying to help you get back to feeling, you know, yourself. [bat] Word on the street is, the witches are celebrating. Three out of the four girls sacrificed in the Harvest have come back. First, it was your friend, Monique, and then another girl, now you. What I hear, the others are saying that the ancestors were with them while they were, uh, dad. You know, talking to them, teaching them. They say they're stronger than ever. Was it like that for you? DAVINA: [shakes her head, near tears] There was nothing. It was cold, empty, and dark. And it went on forever. MARCEL: [frowns, and sits next to her on the bed] I'm sorry, D. DAVINA: I don't want to talk about it. Please, Marcel, don't make me. ELIJAH: You've been at this for hours. To what end? Niklaus, I know you, and I grew up fighting you. I can't be beaten, nor can I be persuaded. You cannot get past me. KLAUS: I could get past you. Although, it might have to be over your dad body. You did sab me with that blade, forcing me to endure hours of unspeakable pain. Perhaps I should direct my rage toward you. [points the stake at him] ELIJAH: You should see yourself-- the mrder expression, the self-righteous posturing. You look like father. KLAUS: [angry, and upset] I'm not him. Rebekah's betrayal justifies my anger. His was that of a madman. You were never the recipient of his cruelty. None of you were-- not Kol, not Finn, None of you! I think you've forgotten what he was truly like. ELIJAH: No. I have not forgotten. FLASHBACK-- ~900 AD Mystic Falls [Young Elijah and Klaus are in the forest, where Elijah is helping Klaus learn how to sht a bow and arrow. Klaus takes his aim at a deer] ELIJAH: Be still. Deep breath. Hold...NOW! [Klaus sht the arrow, but misses the deer] ELIJAH: Your aim is improving. [pats Klaus on the shoulder with a smile] Next time! MIKAEL: You encourage him, Elijah, but he grows more pathetic every day. KLAUS: I'm not pathetic. MIKAEL: Do not talk back to me. You're not man enough to hold this wapon. If you can't hunt, you're nothing but a burden. KLAUS: I'm sorry. MIKAEL: [grabs Klaus by the front of the shirt] It's a shame we can't feed on sad-eyed apologies. It's your one and only skill. [He backhands Klaus across the face] ELIJAH: Father, stop. MIKAEL: Stay back, or you'll be next. The boy needs to be made strong. [kicks Klaus in the back as he's sprawled on the ground] END FLASHBACK LAFAYETTE CEMETERY [Klaus stares at Elijah after sharing the memory. Then, all of a sudden, Klaus vamp-speeds away. Elijah catches up with him quickly] ELIJAH: Niklaus, I understand your anger, but I implore you, be better than him. Do what he could not; demonstrate the grace of mercy, rather than this petty cruelty. KLAUS: You ask me to show mercy to one who has wronged me. You really don't know me at all, do you, brother? REBEKAH: Enough. Whatever I have done wrong, my guilt is nothing compared to yours. You want revenge? Fine. But, before you have it, I will look you in the eye and tell you why it was your cruelty and your spite that led us to this. KLAUS: Go on, then. Speak your piece, and when you are finished, I will grant you the punishment you deserve, even if I have to go through Elijah to do so. [Cami has arrived to Davina's room to check up on her, at Marcel's request] CAMI: Davina? [Cami sits down on the bed and hugs Davina] Marcel told me you were up here. Do you want to tell me what happened? DAVINA: [starts to cry] I died. And at first, I was alone, but then I heard them. Voices, whispering to me. CAMI: Who? DAVINA: The ancestors. They're so angry with me. I used my power against my own, and they said they'd do horrible things to me if I misuse my magic again. [Downstairs, a very sick Kieran and Marcel are having a disagreement] KIERAN: So, a century ago, you betrayed Klaus, the most dangerous vampire in history, and the only one that can save you is the girl that you had locked up in my attic. But, she's a basket case. So really, your only hope is my niece, psychoanalyst to resurrected teen witches. Does that about sum it up? MARCEL: [paces] You're pretty smug for a guy with a witch's hex. Davina's magic is your only sht at a cure. KIERAN: [stands up at walks over to Marcel] Let's not dance around the obvious. This hex is going to be the end of me. MARCEL: Look, every spell has a loophole. Alright? You, of all people, should have more faith. KIERAN: I lost my faith when Sean died. When I came back to New Orleans, I had nothing but hope of preventing a wr between the vampires and the witches, and now the witches are out of control, and you allowed an original vampire to take control of the Quarter. No. There is no hope-- not for you, not for the city, and certainly not for me. MARCEL: I got Davina back, she will find a way to take down Klaus. KIERAN: No. He's going to get out of this trap that he's in, and when he does, he's going to find you, and he is going to tear you into pieces. You reap what you sow, Marcel. [Klaus, Elijah, and Rebekah are still in the cemetery, arguing. Klaus is perched on top of a tomb in order to pretend to be a judge] KLAUS: Let it begin. The trial of Rebekah Mikaelson. REBEKAH: [mutters to Elijah] What a relief. His ego is in check. ELIJAH: Just speak your truth. I'll make certain he behaves himself. KLAUS: You stand accused of betraying your own blood. How do you plead? REBEKAH: I plead you to shut up and listen. KLAUS: You summoned our father. You brought him to our home. What possible defense could you have? REBEKAH: I knew he was the only thing that you feared, and I wanted you to run. KLAUS: Because you hated me. REBEKAH: Because you were hateful. You denied me the freedom to love. KLAUS: Oh, so that's your defense You called Mikael-- the destroyer, the hunter of vampires-- because I detained you from pursuing some dull suitors. REBEKAH: You were cruel and controlling and manipulative. KLAUS: I was trying to protect you! From imbeciles, and leeches. Not to mention your own poor judgment. REBEKAH: And what about the one that you loved enough to call friend? Why did you forbid me to love Marcel? KLAUS: Do not mention his name. REBEKAH: What has happened to you? I remember the sweet boy who made me laugh and gave me gifts, who loved art and music. I wanted to be just like you. How could you have fallen so far? ELIJAH: You say you despise Rebekah for her betrayal, and yet no one has stood by your side for so long, not even I myself. Perhaps it's you that's forgotten. I remember the day that father caught you whittling little chess pieces with his hunting Knfe. He bat you so mercilessly and for so long, I actually feared for your life. FLASHBACK-- ~900 AD Mystic Falls [Mikael is brutally beating Klaus, who is curled in the fetal position on the floor, with a whip. Elijah rushes into the room to urge him to stop] ELIJAH: Father! Father, please! MIKAEL: Stay back! [Rebekah runs into the room with Mikael's sword in her hands, aiming it at her father] REBEKAH: Stop it! Stop it! I will not let you hurt him anymore! MIKAEL: You stand against me? For him?! [Mikael angrily grabs the sword from Rebekah's hands and leaves] END FLASHBACK KLAUS: So, you would paint her as a loyal sister, but she betrayed me out of lust for Marcel. Perhaps that was why you did it-- for love. Perhaps I might temper my rage if Rebekah will admit she was a victim of her own idiocy, that her great love, Marcel, used her to oust this family and to take my city. REBEKAH: Marcel did not manipulate me. KLAUS: You defend him, and yet you can't help but wonder, what if I'm right? REBEKAH: We loved each other. It was your refusal to respect that that led to your ruin. KLAUS: Then why didn't he chase after you when you fled New Orleans? Oh, yes! That's right. He was here stealing what I built! REBEKAH: You want me to renounce Marcel, to beg for your forgiveness? I won't. Marcel is not at fault. I called Mikael. ELIJAH: Rebekah, you must-- REBEKAH: [angrily screaming] I was the one who brought him to New Orleans because of your wickedness! I wanted love and happiness, and you denied me the freedom to have either. Yes, I hated and I was afraid of our father, but he was a lesser evil than you. My bastard brother who loomed over me, thrat me as you are now. I wanted rid of you, and given the choice, I'd do it again! [Klaus, furious, lunges at Rebekah and pushes her against a tomb, and is just about to stake her in the heart when Elijah tackles him. When they get back up to their feet, Elijah has both Papa Tunde's blade AND the white oak stake] ELIJAH: Sister, leave us. REBEKAH: I'm not going-- ELIJAH: [cuts her off]--I said, leave us, please. [He watches her leave before he turns to face Klaus] You wouldn't listen to her. So, now, you must deal with me. [Cami continues to try to help Davina heal from her experiences on the Other Side] CAMI: I've studied the effects of trauma and abuse. The witches that forced you into that ritual, they've lied to you. They hurt you. DAVINA: Cami There's nothing you've studied in some book that can help me. CAMI: Okay, forget the books. Let me tell you what I know from experience. When my brother died, I never thought I'd be okay again. I cried for weeks. I blamed myself. I blamed him, and then I realized all that...sadness was swallowing me up. And I made a choice. I wasn't going to let it. You can make that choice, Davina. DAVINA: You say that like it's so simple, but the witches aren't just gonna let me go. They're not done with me. CAMI: No one can control you unless you let them. DAVINA: How do I even know who to trust? Should I trust Marcel? The first thing he did when I came back was try to use me again to help Rebekah. Be honest, Cami. Isn't there something you want, too? CAMI: Yeah. My uncle is sick. I thought you could help him. [Davina starts to cry again, so Cami rushes over to her and squeezes her hands comfortingly] That's not why I'm here. I care about you. I want to help you. CAMI: [frustrated] What can you do? When I came back, the voices I heard, they said the only ones who could help me are the witches. But, after what I did to them, they hate me. So, how can I go back and ask for their help now? [Outside Davina's room, Marcel has heard this entire conversation, and looks very sad] [Rebekah is in a tomb at the cemetery, talking to Marcel, who is still at St. Anne's] REBEKAH: What a fool I am. I actually thought Davina would come to the rescue. MARCEL: I'll get someone else. Whole town is full of witches. REBEKAH: All of whom despise you. MARCEL: I'll figure this out. Meantime, just don't piss Klaus off any more than he already is. REBEKAH: It's a little late for that. I may have provoked him further. But then, I didn't much care for his accusations that you seduced me into bringing Mikael. MARCEL: Wait a minute. I would never do that. REBEKAH: We almost got away. If we just kept going, we could be anywhere in the world by now. Klaus might've found us and klled us, but he'll do that, anyway. Would've been nice to have a little happiness first. MARCEL: He's not gonna kll you. You're his sister. REBEKAH: And you're like a son to him, and, believe me, he means to kll you. You know, I've never much thought about dying. One of the perks of being immortal, I guess. What an odd thing it is, to be here one minute and gone the next. Rather terrifying. MARCEL: Rebekah-- MARCEL: You need to run, Marcel. When the moon reaches its apex, Klaus will be free, and he will do to you what he's going to do to me, only worse. Go now and don't look back. [Rebekah hangs up on Marcel] [Klaus and Elijah continue to fight] KLAUS: So what's it gonna be? You hold both wapon. Tunde's blade would put me down, but the stake could finish me off for good. ELIJAH: Well--unlike you, brother-- I have no taste for fratricide. [holds up stake] I only hold this to keep it from you. [holds off Papa Tunde's blade] This is just my insurance. KLAUS: Why must you defend her? Rebekah betrayed you, as well, when she brought Mikael here. ELIJAH: Because she is our sister, and because I like to remember her the way that she was before we became what we became. [He flashes back to the Mikaelson children, all five of them, as they wrestle and laugh outside] She was an innocent girl, quick to laugh, full of life. KLAUS: My memories serve to make her betrayal more painful. ELIJAH: Can you not then accept some small part of the blame? After all, Niklaus, it was your cruelty that led her to do what she did. KLAUS: Do you not see, Elijah? She didn't mean to chase me off. She wanted me dad. ELIJAH: You're wrong. KLAUS: She has always hated me. You know that's true. ELIJAH: You have no idea, do you? You have no idea what she was prepared to do for you. When our sister sees something that she perceives to be an injustice, she can be stubborn, impetuous, and, at times, downright dangerous, and never was this more apparent than the night she tried to kll our father. [In flashback, a young Rebekah grabs a Knfe, and wanders over to where Mikael was sleeping, fully ready to kll him] KLAUS: What is this, some melodramatic fiction designed to garner my sympathy? ELIJAH: It is the truth. I was there. And she would have done it, all to protect you, had I not stopped her. I often wished that I could revisit that moment, complete the task myself. [In flashback, Rebekah steels herself to kll Mikael as he slept, but before she could, Elijah discovered what she was about to do, and grabs the Knfe from her hand before yanking her back to her bed] KLAUS: Why are you telling me this now? ELIJAH: Niklaus, sometimes our sister acts without thinking. She's short of temper, she's quick to fall in love, but she loves you. But, your malicious treatment has broken her heart. So, yes, she responded by summoning our father. Yes, that was a mistake. I'm not entirely sure that I can blame her. KLAUS: I can. [Klaus vamp-speeds to the tomb where Rebekah is hiding, but Elijah beats him there, defensively holding a wapon in each of his hands] ELIJAH: Niklaus, so help me-- KLAUS: Are you really going to stand against me? And not with that pathetic blade. You'd just have to pull it out someday, and then I'd hate you as I do her, now. If you want to protect Rebekah, you'll need to use the white oak stake. ELIJAH: I don't have to listen to this nonsense. KLAUS: Oh, don't pretend you haven't thought about it. You look at me, and you see everything you abhor in yourself. Sure, you dress it up with your fancy suits and your handkerchiefs. You, with your mask of civility and eloquence, you're every bit the abomination I am. Or worse. Go on, Elijah. Go on. Use the white oak stake. [Elijah throws the white oak stake far away and glares at Klaus] ELIJAH: I'm not so cowardly that I have to kll you, Niklaus, but if I have to make you suffer to protect Rebekah, that is what I will do. KLAUS: [smirks] You see? I knew you couldn't do it. You still cling to the hope that I can be redeemed, and if the bastard can be saved, then maybe there's hope for you. [Klaus vamp-speeds over to Elijah, grabs Papa Tunde's blade, and sab it into Elijah's heart] There. Now you know how it feels. [Elijah falls to the ground, gasping in agony and glaring at Klaus] REBEKAH: That was supposed to be my line. [holds up the white oak stake] Now, I have this. So I decide who lives and who dies. I'm taking out that blade. KLAUS: You'll have to kll me first, and now you hold the means to do so. Why not finish what you started a century ago? REBEKAH: I did not want you dad. I wanted you to run. KLAUS: Liar! You wanted revenge. REBEKAH: You drove me to betray you, and now you want to twist it and make it worse so you can justify klling me instead of accepting your own fault? All I did was love your friend! You could've been happy for us, but instead, in your paranoia, you feared losing us both. And, because of that, you did. There is no one else to blame, Nik. Only you. KLAUS: Where is Marcel now, hmm? I thought he loved you, and yet he left you trapped in here with me. [Marcel has come to Genevieve to try to see if she will help him rescue Rebekah] GENEVIEVE: The trouble with the witches in this city is they lack direction. Fortunately, our coven has found a new leader-- me. You ask a favor of me, to lower Celeste's boundary spell, but you don't control the witches anymore. MARCEL: You want to help your people, you need to broker peace, a treaty with the vampires. I can help. GENEVIEVE: The last time I arrived for a negotiation, you tried to kll me. MARCEL: I learned my lesson-- If you can't bat them, make them an offer. So, here's the deal. You help me right now-- you have my word-- vampires stay out of the Cauldron, no more executions. GENEVIEVE: A nice start, but if you want my help lowering that spell, you're going to have to give us Davina Claire. MARCEL: Haven't your people done enough to that girl? GENEVIEVE: You must know it's your fault she suffered in death. She was shunned by the ancestors because of her alliance with you, but all that's over. Now, we can welcome her home. She will be revered by her people, and I will teach her how to control her power. Give her a home where she's safe, not surrounded by vampires. Bring Davina to us, and I'll find a way to break Celeste's spell. If not, well, let's just say that I won't be the one to mourn Rebekah. KLAUS: You against me. It's hardly a fair fight, is it? I mean, perhaps, if Marcel were here, you'd stand a chance, but I expect he's already found another girl. No doubt younger and prettier. REBEKAH: You take joy in other people's pain, and then you wonder why I hate you. KLAUS: Yes, and that hatred led you to do what you did. Admit the truth. Admit you wanted me dad. REBEKAH: I wanted you to run, that is all--despite your delusions. KLAUS: Elijah lies suffering, and I will allow you to help him. All you have to do is admit it. REBEKAH: You're insane. KLAUS: Yes! Yes! I am a vicious, heartless monster, and so you summoned Mikael to kll me. Admit it. REBEKAH: It's not true. KLAUS: You know what you did. Admit it. REBEKAH: I didn't. KLAUS: You wanted me dad! Admit it. REBEKAH: Maybe I did. Nik-- [Klaus, shocked that she actually admitted it, angrily sab Rebekah with the white oak stake] [Later, Rebekah wakes up to find Klaus sitting, holding the white oak stake] REBEKAH: You missed my heart. KLAUS: Perhaps I did. Or, perhaps I never meant to kll you. Perhaps I just wanted you to feel a fraction the fear I felt when father came for me. REBEKAH: Do you yourself know the truth? KLAUS: I know this. You accuse me of being evil, and yet you are the one who conspired to kll your own blood. REBEKAH: You made our lives a living hell. You tormented us. KLAUS: I love my family-- You, Elijah. I loved all of you. [walks toward Rebekah and looks her in the eyes] I know I can be difficult, but I did not make myself this way. It was Mikael who ruined me. REBEKAH: [whispers quietly] He ruined me, too. That's what you forget. Centuries later, each of us is broken. You with your anger and paranoia, me with my fear of abandonment. And poor Elijah. [She looks over at where he's laying, Papa Tunde's blade still stuck in his chest] He dedicates himself to everyone but himself. We are the strongest creatures in the world, and yet, we are damaged beyond repair. We live without hope, but we will never die. We are the definition of "cursed." Always and forever. [Marcel returns to check on Cami and Davina] MARCEL: How is she? CAMI: Depressed. She needs real help. Maybe a stay in an institution where she can get round-the-clock care and medication. MARCEL: No, no, no. She stays in a place like that, she is never getting out. CAMI: You have a better idea? MARCEL: I could take her back to her people. CAMI: What? MARCEL: There are bigger things going on here, Cami. It's the only chance that she has. CAMI: We have to talk about this. MARCEL: I'm not asking for permission. [Klaus removes Papa Tunde's blade from Elijah's chest] KLAUS: Now, we're even. [Marcel completes his deal with Genevieve] GENEVIEVE: So we have a deal? MARCEL: Davina is asleep. When she wakes up, I'll explain everything. Then I'll bring her here. Meantime, we need to lower that barrier. GENEVIEVE: Celeste cast a powerful spell. Fortunately for you, she's gone. Her power bled back into the earth. [she lights a candle] Now, I can channel it, manipulate it. It'll take some doing, but then, I'm pretty good at what I do. MARCEL: One more thing, I need you to fix the priest. GENEVIEVE: [laughs] Sorry. A hex like that, if it's had time to take root, there's no undoing it. MARCEL: Fine. Just get Rebekah out. GENEVIEVE: I'll have to undo the entire spell. Can't let one Original out without letting them all out. MARCEL: It doesn't matter. And just so you know, even if Klaus is free, if you hurt Davina in any way-- GENEVIEVE: [smirks] Marcel, it's over. You lost. Try and have a little dignity. REBEKAH: We're still trapped in here. Whatever you're going to do to me, do it now. KLAUS: You said our father ruined us. And I can't help but wonder, what if his father ruined him? [A strong gust of wind blows the gate to the cemetery open, indicating the spell has been broken] KLAUS: The barrier is down. REBEKAH: I know you hate me, but what's done is done. KLAUS: What's done is never done. It remains within us, a story we tell ourselves so we know who we are. Vicious father, a bastard son, and the sister who betrayed him. Perhaps it's time for a new story. What is it you want, Rebekah? REBEKAH: Same things that I've wanted since I was a child. I want a home. I want a family. I want someone to love me, and I want to live. KLAUS: Then go. Go far away and never come back. We are far too damaged to remain together, less a family now than a volatile mix of ingredients. New Orleans will be mine. I will raise my child here in the city you took from me. No doubt, Elijah will choose to stay, but you? Sister, you are free. [Shocked, Rebekah takes one last look at her brother and leaves the cemetery, as Klaus watches her walk away] [Rebekah is rounding up the rest of her possessions when Elijah finds her] ELIJAH: I thought I might find you here. REBEKAH: I just came to collect the last of my things that didn't burn to ash. I'll be leaving shortly. I don't suppose you have any desire to join me. ELIJAH: [smiles awkwardly] I do hope you find everything you're looking for. REBEKAH: Elijah, when I brought Mikael, I never for a second meant to hurt you. ELIJAH: I know. REBEKAH: I was certain that Klaus meant to kll me. Whether he never really did at all, or he changed his mind...maybe somewhere, deep down, he still is the brother we once knew. ELIJAH: Very deep, but he's still in there. REBEKAH: Help him find his way. [She gives Elijah a kiss on the cheek before she leaves] [Klaus returns home to find Marcel and the rest of the vampires congregated in the courtyard] KLAUS: Is there a reason why you lot are loitering in my home? MARCEL: I asked them to be here. You and I need to settle this out in the open. KLAUS: I thought you would've run off by now. MARCEL: Yeah. Well, this is my town. You may want me to beg forgiveness, but I'm not sorry. I may not be able to bat you, but I came here to face you, to end this in front of my people. If you're gonna kll me for that, get on with it. [Klaus looks like he's about to say something, but instead, he remains silent and heads for his room. Marcel and the other vampires are confused, until Elijah walks into the courtyard. He vamp-speeds over to Marcel and throws him against the wall] ELIJAH: Good evening. I trust I need no introduction. After all, this was once my family home. Tonight I'm taking it back. [to the crowd] Your privileges here have been revoked. [to Marcel] Marcellus, out of respect for my sister, I will grant you this one mercy. I will allow you to keep your life. [points at him] However, you're hereby exiled. If I so much as find a trace of you in the French Quarter, it will not end well for you. Do you understand? [b*at] That is all. Run along. KLAUS: [watches from the balcony as the vampires start to file out of the compound] Nicely done, brother. You're beginning to sound like me. I'm impressed. [Rebekah has met Marcel back behind the plantation house, where Esther was buried for the Harvest ritual] REBEKAH: I was thinking, my mother was consecrated and buried here. She is forever bound to this land, but not me. [smiles] I'm finally free. And you. MARCEL: Your brothers came in this town like they own the place. Like they own me. Took my home, my people, everything. I can't just run away. REBEKAH: I'm not asking you to. I'm not a fool. I see how much you love this city, and I am not the kind of girl who likes to share. [Marcel starts to walk away] REBEKAH: [calls out after him] I do wish you had finished building our home. Even if I'd never set foot inside, it would have been nice if there was something beautiful left standing after all of this. [Marcel grabs Rebekah's arm as she turns to go, and they kiss passionately for a long moment] REBEKAH: [smiles] Good-bye, Marcel Gerard. Do try to stay alive. [Rebekah makes a pitstop to the bayou before leaving town, and joins Hayley outside, enjoying a bonfire] HAYLEY: Rebekah, what are you doing here? REBEKAH: I came to say good-bye. HAYLEY: What happened to us girls sticking together? REBEKAH: Well, Nik and I came to a sort of all-or-nothing arrangement. I leave town for good, and he allows me to. Can't pass that up. HAYLEY: [laughs sadly] A thousand years with Klaus? I guess you deserve a few vacation days. REBEKAH: Listen. About Nik, he is a monster. Do not ever cross him. But, he does want more from life than to just be feared. He's too broken to find it himself, but I do believe there is hope for him in the baby that you carry. And speaking of your child--our family has no shortage of enemies. She will inherit all of them. Please, be careful. HAYLEY: You know, you can always come back and visit. I've been known to keep a secret or two from Klaus. REBEKAH: Well, if I can't, you make sure to tell that little girl stories of her crazy Auntie Beks. And let her know, despite my absence, I do love her very much. [Rebekah walks away] [Closing montage: Klaus goes to his study and pulls out a wooden box. Inside is the little wooden knight Klaus carved over 1,000 years ago that he gave to Rebekah during the storm, among other things. He remembers back when he and Rebekah were children, and starts to tear up. Meanwhile, Rebekah is on the highway out of New Orleans in her red convertible. At first, she seems anxious, but after a moment, she smiles] END CREDITS -Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x16 - Farewell to Storyville"}	foreverdreaming
KLAUS: [voiceover] They say the passage of time will heal all wounds, but the greater the loss, the deeper the cut, and the more difficult the process to become whole again. The pain may fade, but scars serve as a reminder of our suffering, and make the bearer all the more resolved never to be wounded again. So, as time moves along, we get lost in distractions. Act out in frustration, react with aggression, give in to anger. And, all the while we plot and plan as we wait to grow stronger, and before we know it, the time passes. We are healed. Ready to begin anew. KLAUS' PAINTING ROOM GENEVIEVE: [lays lazily on the couch] Spoken like a man who's made peace with his demons. KLAUS: [buttons his shirt] My demons are dad, or chased off. ELIJAH: [enters the room and glares at Genevieve] Yes, apart from the one lingering monster with whom you share a bed. [He holds out her heels in his hand] I trust you can find your clothing and the door. [Genevieve stands up, takes her heels from him, and leaves the room] ELIJAH: [annoyed] You do recall that woman tortured our sister? KLAUS: She also revealed the truth about our sister's treachery. ELIJAH: And as a consequence, Rebekah is gone forever. KLAUS: A desire which she apparently harbored for quite some time! ELIJAH: Niklaus, it has been a month. Now, I feel our sister's loss as deeply as you. But, you must stop distracting yourself with this ridiculous behavior and channel it into some kind of action. KLAUS: [grabs a paintbrush and returns to his art] Why must I, exactly? ELIJAH: Because over the course of Marcel's tenure, the city grew accustomed to having a king. You wanted this throne. Now, you must accept the responsibility that accompanies that. KLAUS: [begins to paint, only half-paying attention to him] Apologies, but I'm rather ensconced in other pursuits. ELIJAH: [takes the paintbrush from Klaus' hand] If you can so easily neglect your home, I wonder what will become of your daughter. Have you forgotten what it was like to live beneath the thrat of volence? We must work together, Niklaus. Let's make this city whole again. KLAUS: Perhaps it is too broken to mend. [takes back his paintbrush and returns to his painting] ELIJAH: If you won't do anything, I will. TITLE CARD & OPENING CREDITS ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Father Kieran and Elijah have gathered a meeting for the various supernatural and human factions to settle on an agreement, including Genevieve and Diego to represent the witches and the vampires, respectively] KIERAN: St. Anne's has long been neutral ground in our city. So, it's only fitting that we gather in this chamber at the behest of Elijah Mikaelson to bring harmony to this place we call home. Thank you all for coming. ELIJAH: Yes, thank you for coming. And welcome. [holds up a signed document] These are the rules of the city according to Marcel Gerard. [he tears the document in half] Which, of course, no longer apply, because I'm in charge. DIEGO: You said that if we came along, that we would get to run things by ourselves. Never mentioned anything about making yourself king. ELIJAH: Well, you were each selected to represent your own communites. In our honor, however, any issues that arise between factions, it will come to me. Now, we are all responsible for the current chaos in the city. However, you have one very, very simple choice ahead of you here. You can all play nicely together, or you can leave. COVEN HOUSE [Monique, Abigail, and Davina are in the greenhouse, practicing spells on dried roses] GIRLS: Belle la vie à cette fleur. Belle la vie à cette fleur. Belle la vie à cette fleur. Maintenent. ABIGAIL: See Davina? It's easy. All you have to do is try. DAVINA: I am trying. MONIQUE: Trying and failing. Ever since you came back. DAVINA: When are you going to stop being such a bitch to me, Monique? MONIQUE: When you stop being weak. You're supposed to be a Harvest girl, but maybe you don't belong here. Maybe you never did. [Davina glares at Monique] THE BAYOU [Hayley approaches Jackson as they both watch Oliver and another wolf sparring and wrestling outside] HAYLEY: Shouldn't you be out there playing Fight Club with the rest of the frat boys? JACKSON: Nah. That's just for pecking order. [smiles] They already know who's the Alpha. WEREWOLF: Ohh! Next up! [Jackson and Hayley go inside, where the rest of the Crescent wolves are setting the table for dinner] JACKSON: You gotta try Tucker's ribs. HAYLEY: Then, what? Then we're gonna go play horseshoes? JACKSON: [laughs] Hey! Don't mock country living, darlin'. HAYLEY: Sorry. This is just a lot more family fun than I'm used to. JACKSON: Well, maybe I can help you get used to it. OLIVER: [joins them] Then, all we got to do is just forget that she spent half her life with humans, and the other half with vampires. JACKSON: Ollie, back off. HAYLEY: It's okay. If the runt of the litter has got something to say, he should say it. OLIVER: You know, word from the Quarter is your boy Elijah's holding some kind of power summit. Guess who wasn't invited? HAYLEY: Where did you hear this? OLIVER: It doesn't matter. The point is is that we're stuck here living in the swamp, while your vampire boyfriend's deciding who gets what in the city. But, I guess that shows how much respect he's got for the werewolves, huh? ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [At the summit, everyone is arguing over Elijah's new terms] DIEGO: [shouting] This is our city, too! We should be able to go wherever the hell we want! GENEVIEVE: [yelling over Diego's shouts] We would consider it an act of wr! KIERAN: [looking agitated and pale] We're getting nowhere. You vile creatures cannot agree. ELIJAH: [shouts them all into silence] Father, calm yourself, please. [lowers his voice] Thank you. Now returning to the issue of boundaries, you will all heed to the following-- HAYLEY: [barges into the meeting and interrupts] --Are you serious? You're dividing up the city, and the werewolves don't even get a say? DIEGO: [angrily stands up and points at Hayley] What the hell is she doing here? ELIJAH: Diego, sit. We are not dividing the city. We're establishing boundaries-- HAYLEY: No, Elijah! There is not gonna be a peace if the werewolves are excluded. They want a seat at the table. [Diego and Genevieve both scoff] And if they don't get one, I can guarantee that you will all regret it. [The leaders all begin to argue again, and Elijah pulls Hayley aside to talk to her privately] ELIJAH: Do you have any idea what it took just to get those people in one room together? HAYLEY: No, actually, I don't! Because I didn't even know what you were doing out here until someone else told me. Tell me something, Elijah. Did you leave the werewolves out because of me? ELIJAH: I excluded them because they no longer reside in the French Quarter. My immediate concern is to end the mounting conflict here. Now, I can assure you once this treaty is solidified, it will expand to include your people. HAYLEY: And until then, I should tell them what? Sit? Stay? Roll over? ELIJAH: [shouts] I would prefer that you remove yourself from the process all together! [Hayley glares at him, and Elijah realizes that he was rude] [softer] Hayley, are you absolutely certain that you shouldn't return to the compound? HAYLEY: [laughs sarcastically] You think the baby belongs there? You think that's where she'll be safe? ELIJAH: Is the bayou any better? HAYLEY: The wolves deserve a voice. Give them one. You know it's the right thing to do. [Hayley leaves, as Elijah considers her words] KLAUS' ROOM [Klaus continues to paint while Genevieve updates him on the events of the day, wearing only a robe and her underwear] GENEVIEVE: You should have seen your brother's face when Hayley walked in. KLAUS: The Crescent curse is broken, then? GENEVIEVE: Do you believe this will actually work? That we can finally have some semblance of peace in this city? CAMI: [barges into the room unannounced] I saw the light from the courtyard and took a chance that... [notices Genevieve in her underwear] You weren't with a half-naked psychowitch. Seems I gambled, and lost. GENEVIEVE: [smirks] Ten minutes ago, I was fully naked. CAMI: [sarcastic] Oh! Then you served your purpose. Don't let me hold you up. GENEVIEVE: You O'Connells sure do love to piss off witches. [leaves Cami and Klaus to talk] CAMI: [waits until Genevieve has left] Really? The woman tried to blackmail me into sab you with the mystical Knfe of excruciating pain! KLAUS: Well, New Orleans breeds nothing if not strange bedfellows, but I assume you're not here to question me on my leisure activities. CAMI: I'm here about my uncle. He's deteriorating. The pills, the meditation, they're not working. His lucidity's shrinking by the day. A witch did this, a witch can undo it. You seem super-tight with Genevieve... maybe you could persuade her to help. KLAUS: It won't do any good. These hexes, they start with magic, but as they take root, they alter the very chemistry of the brain. I'm sorry, Cami. The damage is done. CAMI: I refuse to accept that, and you would, too, if you had any concept of family. PUBEdit [Davina walks into a pub and looks around until she sees Josh waiting for her in a booth, with his hood up to remain inconspicuous] DAVINA: Josh! JOSH: [smiles] Davina! [becomes worried] What are you doing out here? I would have met you anywhere you wanted. I mean, not anywhere Klaus or Marcel would be, which could be pretty much, you know, anywhere. But, you know what I mean. [he notices she's upset] Hey. You okay? DAVINA: It's Monique. She has no idea what I went through when I was dad. The ancestors hated me for what I did with my magic. I can't just start practicing again. [sighs] I knew I shouldn't have trusted Marcel when he told me to go back. I don't know how much more of it I can take. ON A ROOFTOP OUTSIDE THE PUB [Marcel is on a rooftop, listening to Davina and Josh talk, when Thierry arrives] THIERRY: On the outs with the witch again? MARCEL: I got it covered. THIERRY: What was so important you dragged me all the way out here? MARCEL: I have a proposal. I want you and all the guys who walked out on Klaus with you to join me. THIERRY: Rounding up an army? MARCEL: Can't take back the city without one. THIERRY: [skeptical] You have nothing. You have no wapon, no allies. You go even close to the Quarter, and Elijah will kll you--that's if Klaus doesn't get you first. MARCEL: So, what? Maybe I should hide out in Bucktown like you? I think you're here because you don't want to leave your home. I sure as hell don't want to leave mine. A battle is brewing, T, and while everyone's busy choosing sides, I'm gonna find a way to take back our city. So, you with me? THIERRY: You were always great with words, Marcel. But, it's gonna take more than a pretty speech this time. ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Cami arrives in the attic to find Father Kieran shackling his ankles to the attic] CAMI: Is that really necessary? KIERAN: The sickness, it's--it's overtaking my inclination to forgive, replacing it with one thought that I could barely contain at the summit. "kll every last one of them." CAMI: We'll figure it out. KIERAN: I tried to figure it out with Sean, but I was focused too much on that instead of trying to stop him, and I'm not--I'm not gonna let that happen to me. You're an O'Connell. They are going to ask you to take my place at the table. Don't. Just leave. Just start over. CAMI: I'm not going anywhere as long as there's still a chance. KIERAN: How many times do I have to tell you I can't be fixed? CAMI: And how many times do I have to tell you I will not stop trying? KIERAN: That is just stubbornness, like--like when you were a little girl. You always had to be right. You--you--you never listened. Just that thick head of yours. I prayed for you. And I got no answer. There is only blackness. There is only death. There's mine, and yours. [Kieran reaches out and grabs Cami in an attempt to kll her. She thrashes and falls to the ground. She tries to crawl away, but Kieran grabs her leg and pulls her toward him. She reaches for a lamp that fell in the scuffle and ht him over the head with it, knocking him unconscious] CAMI: Aah! Aah! No, no, no! Unh! ROUSSEAU'S [Elijah is meeting with Francesca Correa at the bar] FRANCESCA: Mr. Mikaelson. ELIJAH: Ms. Correa. FRANCESCA: Please, call me Francesca. ELIJAH: We can dispense with any formalities, Ms. Correa. I know exactly who you are. You own the Palace Royale Casino. You're one of the city's leading philanthropists. And--according to my sources--you're the matriarch to a rather sizeable drug trffick empire. So, why am I here? FRANCESCA: Whatever you may think of me, my family's been a part of the human faction for years, which makes me uniquely qualified to take father Kieran's place. You'll deal with me from now on. ELIJAH: Are you giving me a mandate? FRANCESCA: No. [laughs] I'm giving you an ally. I want peace just as much as you do. My lifestyle, which I enjoy very much, depends on it. ELIJAH: Yes, I can see you're highly motivated. FRANCESCA: You know, I should mention, I've already spoken to the city's new mayor and the chief of police and other interested parties, and I have their blessing. I think you'll find it beneficial to have me on your side, even if it's just to prevent my less civil brethren from lashing out in ways that could prove painful to you. [smiles fakely] Have a good night. KLAUS' ROOM [Klaus is on his balcony, looking out at the city, before returning to his room, grabbing a paintbrush, and returning to his artwork. He finds Elijah standing in front of his painting] KLAUS: Not a fan of cerulean blue? ELIJAH: Not a fan of your continued indifference. KLAUS: Well, it's difficult trying to unite a community that has a history of mutual loathing. ELIJAH: Spare me the platitudes, Niklaus. KLAUS: A perspective, then? If you want peace, you must begin with the werewolves. A hundred years ago, they had a run at ruling this city. As of late, all they've had is time to watch their enemies tear down that legacy. ELIJAH: All the more reason why their enemies are reluctant to bring them to the table. KLAUS: Take a page from Bienville, brother. [squeezes his shoulder] If the table's the obstacle, remove it. [pours them both drinks] Do you recall in 1720, the Governor's desperation to secure our help to build the cities first levees? We sat with him, and refused his offer, and so, he plied us with wine, with corseted women, and with raucous camaraderie until he had his yes. THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Elijah has thrown a party at the compound, where all the factions can come celebrate together. Genevieve enters with Davina, Abigail, and Monique in tow. Diego and the other vampires are drinking together when they see Jackson, Hayley, Oliver and the other werewolves entering the party. Klaus and Elijah look at the party from the balcony] ELIJAH: [smiles] Are you suggesting that I throw a party? [Elijah and Klaus drink] MUSIC: Laissez les bon temps roulez! ELIJAH: I'm impressed, brother. KLAUS: Yes. ELIJAH: Now if I can just keep them from tearing one another to shreds. KLAUS: Well, then for your sake, here's to a spectacularly boring evening. THE COMPOUND [Everyone is mingling as Diego and some other vampires pass Jackson and Oliver] DIEGO: What's up, little man? [he purposely bumps into Jackson, which enrages Oliver] JACKSON: [to Oliver] He's not even worth it. [Elijah goes to follow after Jackson, sensing hostility brewing, but Francesca distracts him] FRANCESCA: Since you're preoccupied, I'll intuit your flattering compliment. [smiles] Thank you, I think I look stunning, too. ELIJAH: [follows after Francesca] I trust you've spent as much time fortifying alliances as you clearly have selecting that dress. FRANCESCA: So you do notice me. And, yes, I've already settled the dispute over the docks. I pacified the witches with an increased share in cemetery tours, and I've given the Crescents a Welcome-Back-to-Humanity gift in the form of $100 chips to my casino. So, I think I deserve some champagne, don't you? [Elijah grabs a glass of champagne off a passing hostess, but when she grabs for it, he pulls it away] ELIJAH: Ahh. You know, in light of Kieran's deteriorating condition, the others have acquiesced to your proposal. You will represent the human Faction until he's ready to resume. FRANCESCA: [takes the glass from him] Then, I suggest we make the most of our limited time together. [Elijah sees Hayley enter the party, and stares at her] PUB [Josh is sitting alone at his booth at the pub. He drops his bill onto the floor, and when he sits back up, he's startled to see Marcel sitting across from him] JOSH: [gasps] God! [composes himself] Look. If you expect me to beg for my life, that's not me anymore. MARCEL: [smiles] You think I'm here to kll you? I'm here about Davina. You heard about the summit. If it falls apart, each faction's gonna look for leverage against the other ones. Davina has to be able to defend herself, even from her own people if need be. She has to start doing magic again. JOSH: Why are you telling me? MARCEL: Because someone has to tell her, and she won't listen to me. JOSH: So, what, I tell her, and you try to get her back on your side, right? Go back to using her as your personal wapon? MARCEL: I don't care whose side she ends up on, just that she's safe. Because we both know right now, she isn't. [Josh considers this for a moment] THE COMPOUND [Davina sees Oliver from across the room and smiles at him. He smiles back at her. Diego watches this happen, and angrily chugs his drink. Elijah notices his mood and intervenes] ELIJAH: Diego. You will be polite and welcoming. DIEGO: Yeah, see, his people klled my whole family. My sister bled out on the floor right next to me. The only reason I'm standing here is because Marcel came along and turned me before I bled out, too. So, I'm telling you right now--I cannot be polite and welcoming to that. ELIJAH: Diego, I understand your anger. However, there are certain overtures that need to be made, if we are to find a degree of peace. [Elijah leaves him and approaches Jackson] ELIJAH: Welcome to my home. JACKSON: I wouldn't be here if Hayley hadn't forced the issue. ELIJAH: Yes. It's rather unlikely that you'll experience an outpouring of kind sentiment here. The vampires in particular view you as...well, barbaric. JACKSON: Hayley tells me that this peace treaty is important to you. ELIJAH: Yes, it certainly is. So much so, in fact, that if anyone thrat to dismantle what I'm building here, I'd destroy everything they hold dear. [smiles] Have a wonderful evening. KLAUS' ROOM--BALCONY [Klaus is on the balcony, overlooking the party, when Genevieve finds him] GENEVIEVE: Looking for your shrink? KLAUS: Don't tell me you're jealous of Cami, love. GENEVIEVE: Just curious why you'd seek her company. She seems so... ordinary. KLAUS: Well, sometimes, ordinary is a welcome respite. GENEVIEVE: I thought I was your respite. KLAUS: Well, you are. You are. Promise me-- not another thought about Cami. [he notices Jackson walking up the stairs] Excuse me. KLAUS' ROOM [Inside Klaus' room, Klaus greets Jackson] KLAUS: I'm so glad you accepted my invitation. JACKSON: So, is this where the great Klaus Mikaelson says something poignant, and snaps my neck? KLAUS: I'm not here to kll you. I'm here to offer you a gift. JACKSON: Out of the kindness of your vampire heart? KLAUS: Our hearts are more similar than you might realize. You see, long before I evolved, mine bat as a werewolf. I know your power. I know your burden. I'm here to take the latter away. JACKSON: You want to make me a hybrid? I put my pack first, and I'm not gonna let anything compromise my family line, especially becoming some bloodthirsty vampire parasite. KLAUS: That pride, that sense of loyalty? Well, that's exactly why I haven't snapped your neck yet. JACKSON: Well, if you're not gonna kll me, then what the hell do you want? KLAUS: Only to give you back the city that was taken from you. How is that for poignant? JACKSON: Why would I trust someone who's conspiring behind his own brother's back? KLAUS: I'm not trying to undermine Elijah's venture. I'm supporting his vision. Vampires destroy life to survive, witches are only as powerful as their dad, but the werewolves have thrived because their strength comes from family unity. The safety of that unity is what I want for my unborn child. The painful truth is, vampires are the antithesis of unity. JACKSON: So, what, after a thousand years, you're finally ready to embrace the other half of your family tree? Maybe the other half doesn't want you. KLAUS: Oh, they will once they return to the Quarter. [Klaus pushes past Jackson to grab a wooden box from his desk. Jackson becomes curious] JACKSON: You got a plan to back that up? KLAUS: [pulls out Cary's ring from the box] My mother was a very powerful witch. I watched her craft all manner of magical items, but her most prized possession was this ring. I hadn't seen it for 1,000 years, and then it turned up hanging around the neck of a werewolf, a direct descendant of my biological father. I believe she gave him this ring as a way of freeing him. JACKSON: How so? KLAUS: Daylight rings shield vampires from the sun. So, why not a moonlight ring, to protect werewolves from the curse? Think about it! No more breaking bones, no more losing control to the beast within. JACKSON: [convinced] What do I have to do? DOWNSTAIRS AT THE PARTY [Davina leans against the wall, looking bored, when Oliver approaches her] OLIVER: Hey. You look, um... DAVINA: Nervous? Out of place? Short in this dress? [laughs nervously] OLIVER: [smiles and laughs] I was gonna say pretty. I'm Oliver. So, what's the name of the girl I'm about to ask to dance? MONIQUE: [appears out of nowhere] Monique. Her name is Monique. [She looks over at Davina, and smirks] [Davina, upset and annoyed, storms away, leaving Monique and Oliver to dance] [Elsewhere at the party, Hayley is standing on the sidelines, watching everyone dance] ELIJAH: [appears beside her] Would you care to dance? HAYLEY: [takes his offered hand and allows him to lead her onto the dance floor] You outdid yourself! You even got Klaus to come out and play. ELIJAH: Yes, it seems that only a sizeable soirée is enough to tear my brother away from his efforts at the easel. HAYLEY: That's never a good sign. Klaus once told me that his painting was a metaphor for control, for achieving his vision through sheer force of will. ELIJAH: Well, truthfully, I'd be shocked if he didn't have at least a dozen or so of those visions swarming around in that insidious skull of his. I do hope your daughter inherits her mother's...[gazes at Hayley from head to toe] Everything. [He spins Hayley around dramatically, and she smiles] HAYLEY: It is weird, being back here. ELIJAH: Not unpleasant, I hope? HAYLEY: Not entirely. ELIJAH: Are you entirely sure you shouldn't be here with us? HAYLEY: Why, Elijah? Because you don't think it's safe in big, bad Wolf Country? I'm not gonna sit in a rocking chair and knit booties, or haven't you figured that out yet? [Jackson joins them] JACKSON: Can I have a minute, Hayley? ELIJAH: You can have it later. HAYLEY: [frustrated] Actually, he can have this dance. [Hayley takes Jackson's hand and leads him away from Elijah to dance] JACKSON: [waits for Elijah to get out of earshot] Everything all right? HAYLEY: Yeah, fine. We were just discussing the future of the city. JACKSON: How can you be thinking about the city right now? I should have told you how beautiful you look tonight. [Elijah eavesdrops on their conversation from nearby] CAMI'S APARTMENT [Cami is at her apartment, making herself a drink, when Marcel appears behind her, startling her] MARCEL: Easy. Easy. CAMI: [calms down, and offers him her glass] Julep minus the sugar and mint? MARCEL: [takes a drink, but is noticeably worried when he notices her injuries] Hey. I just saw Kieran. He's not gonna hurt you again. In fact, he won't leave the attic at all. I arranged for a little boundary spell. CAMI: You got a witch to help you? I thought they hated you. MARCEL: For you, I found one who doesn't. [smiles] Hey. What's wrong? CAMI: Nothing. [tears up] You're the first person to help me in a month. Kieran's the only family I have left. Without him, I'm alone. MARCEL: Yeah. Yeah. I'm a little short on family myself these days. Hey. If there's anything I can do, Cami, just just let me know. CAMI: [smiles weakly] There is one thing. [holds up her bottle] We're out of bourbon. [Cami and Marcel both laugh despite themselves] THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [The party continues on at the Mikaelson's home. Oliver goes to the bar for a drink when Diego approaches him] DIEGO: Hey, wolf boy. Should have had them put it in a bowl for you. OLIVER: [smiles manically] Well, yeah, if you want me to crush your skull with it. FRANCESCA: [appears to intervene] Please, boys. At least fight over something interesting. Me, perhaps? DIEGO: [to Francesca] Nah, you don't want to get involved with his kind. See, they got this nasty little habit of going berserk and ripping innocent people to shreds. OLIVER: No, no, no. Okay? Look. If my people wronged you in any way, you have my condolences, okay? Though I'd be surprised my kin could choke them down, being half as ugly as him. [Furious, Diego picks Oliver up and throws him across the courtyard, where he falls onto a table covered in glasses of champagne, which shatter upon impact. Diego vamp-speeds over to him, but Oliver pins him against a wall. Suddenly, Elijah appears and pulls Oliver off of him before pushing him against a table] ELIJAH: This ends now. I won't ask again. JACKSON: Oh, we'll end it all right. [Elijah looks over to find Jackson pinning Diego to the wall, a stake aimed right at his heart] HAYLEY: [calls out from the staircase] What's stopping you? kll him. Go ahead, Elijah. Do it. I mean, it's not like he doesn't deserve to die. [Nearby, Klaus and Francesca are watching the fight] FRANCESCA: Shouldn't you intervene or something? KLAUS: Why would I? This party just got interesting. HAYLEY: I mean, it was Oliver who handed Rebekah over to the witches so they could trture her. But, then again, wasn't it Diego who led a werewolf mssacre last month? And the witches cursed the wolves, while the humans stood back and let it all happen. So, when you think about it, everyone here deserves to die. ELIJAH: [angry] Are approaching a point? HAYLEY: My point, Elijah, is this-- if we can't all learn to get along, if our families can't create some sort of community, then what's the point? kll each other and get it all over with. [After considering Hayley's words, Elijah lets go of Oliver, and Jackson reluctantly lets go of Diego, as well] COVEN HOUSE [Josh is at Davina's new home, hanging out with her in the garden, where he's looking through all the herbs and dried flowers] JOSH: You know, I've only gotten roses once in my life. Didn't even get to keep them. DAVINA: Why not? JOSH: My first boyfriend--my only boyfriend, really--gave them to me for Valentine's Day senior year. Tried to hide them in my bedroom, but my parents found them. You may not know it, but roses will jam even the best paper shredders. [bat] You know, I don't have a home to go home to, or a family to go home to. I used to hate myself for that, but the thing is, I don't really care what they think anymore. If your family doesn't like you the way you are, screw them! You got me, and Cami...even Marcel. If you want. DAVINA: [sighs] Marcel used me. JOSH: He used you to fight the people who were trying to kll you. And, you know, he also saved you from those people. So you don't have to trust the guy, but he does love you. [smiles] And P.S? So do I. DAVINA: [smiles] Even if I don't have any magic? All the power I had was from the other Harvest girls. I don't even know what I have without it. JOSH: Don't you owe it to yourself to find out? You're a witch, Davina. You can't change your DNA any more than I can, so you might as well embrace it. [He hands her the dried rose he's been holding] DAVINA: [whispers] Belle la vie à cette fleur. Belle la vie à cette fleur. Belle la vie à cette fleur. Belle la vie à cette fleur. Belle la vie à cette fleur. Maintenent. [the flower comes back to life, and she smiles as she hands it back to Josh] JOSH: [grinning] Aww! CAMI'S APARTMENT [Marcel and Cami are drunk and laughing hystericallly as they return to Cami's apartment. She trips coming in the doorway] CAMI: Ow! Oh! Oh, oh, oh. MARCEL: Ha ha! You ok? CAMI: Yeah. Just some bruises. I'm still bruised. [Marcel picks her up and carries her to her room] Oh! "Bruise" is such a funny word. It sounds like booze. Do we have any more booze? MARCEL: Uh, no. I think we drank it all. CAMI: [pretend pouts] Oh. You're a good friend, Marcel. MARCEL: [smiles] You should lie down. CAMI: [hugs him] I'm tired of being alone. MARCEL: I am, too. [They start making out, and eventually move to her bed, where they have sex. Nearby, a woven dreamcatcher lies on her desk. Over at the Coven House, Genevieve holds a similar dreamcatcher in her hand, allowing her to spy on them, and see Marcel and Cami having sex] [Afterwards, Cami watches Marcel get dressed and gather his things] CAMI: Not that that wasn't totally worth it, but it can never happen again. MARCEL: What if one of us craves another julep? CAMI: For whatever reason, Klaus trusts me, and you're the person he probably hates most right now. He'd see it as a betrayal. That wouldn't be good for either of us. [Marcel finds the dreamcatcher Genevieve planted in Cami's apartment, and picks it up] CAMI: Marcel? [smiles widely] It really was totally worth it. MARCEL: Yeah, it was. ON A ROOFTOP [Marcel is meeting with Thierry again to pitch his plan. He looks at the dreamcatcher he took from Cami's apartment, and then tosses it on the ground and stomps on it] MARCEL: You said I had nothing. You were wrong. I have the same thing I had when I rebuilt this city from the ashes the first time. Everything to gain and nothing to lose. I'm making inroads, allies, not the least of which is Davina, and I'm not leaving this roof until I can count you in, too. Besides, let's be honest, T, I'm all you got. I know those vampires, they didn't just leave the compound. They left New Orleans. THIERRY: So, us against the world? MARCEL: We'll get a third and a fourth. And pretty soon, we're gonna have that army. [He and Thierry stand and stare at the city skyline] CLOSING MONTAGE [Klaus stares at his painting for a moment before grabbing a paintbrush and getting to work] KLAUS: [voiceover] All change begins with a plan, the success of which depends on several things: depth of commitment, passion for one's cause... [At the compound, the leaders of the five factions: Elijah, Diego, Genevieve, Francesca, and Hayley, representing the Originals, the vampires, the witches, the humans, and the werewolves, respectively, have finally drafted their peace treaty. They each cut their palms and drip their blood into an inkwell, in order to sign the document with a mixture of all their blood] [Father Kieran clutches a rosary in the attic of St. Anne's Church and prays, while Cami watches him from across the room] [In the bayou, Hayley has returned to the long banquet table where they eat dinner, where everyone has gathered around to celebrate] JACKSON: Hey! To Hayley! WEREWOLVES: To Hayley! KLAUS: [voiceover] Willingness to embrace a new path. Determination to overcome any obstacle. And, in some cases, even making unnatural alliances. [Davina is still in the greenhouse in the Coven House when Monique and Abigail return. They're shocked to see that Davina has magically restored all of the dad flowers in the room, all of which are now in full moon. Monique glares at Davina] [Outside, Oliver and Jackson have a private chat] OLIVER: You made a deal with Klaus Mikaelson? I'd rather turn every full moon. JACKSON: If Klaus is right, this magic could do more than just stop us from turning. We could finally control what we are! We could draw on all the strength, all the speed, the raw power of our werewolf form. Our bite would be lethal to vampires, 24/7. The humans who hunt us, the witches who curse us, the vampires who hate us--we wouldn't just be their equals. We'd be their superiors. KLAUS' ROOM [Elijah enters with the signed peace treaty and the inkwell] ELIJAH: Sign it. KLAUS: Why? You've already done so on our behalf. ELIJAH: Brother, I am not a fool. It's clear to me you're not as disinterested as you'd like me to believe. Sign, please. If there is no peace between us, then how can you expect others to follow suit? KLAUS: Fine, if it will make you happy. But, I assure you, this city's inhabitants will not adhere to this agreement. [He signs the contract] ELIJAH: Well, you are welcome to wager against me. You will lose. KLAUS: We'll see. [We get a glimpse of Klaus' painting--it's of the New Orleans skyline. In the sky, Klaus has added a large full moon] END CREDITS Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x17 - Moon Over Bourbon Street"}	foreverdreaming
KLAUS' BEDROOM [Genevieve wakes up in Klaus' bed to find that he's already awake and painting a portrait of her] GENEVIEVE: You're up early. After the night we had, I expected you to sleep in. KLAUS: Yes, well, morning sun offers the best light. Hold still. I'm almost finished. GENEVIEVE: [smiles and stretches] In my last life, I was far too modest if I was in the nude. KLAUS: Well, then consider yourself much improved. Modesty is for the weak. [Genevieve gets out of bed to look at the painting, but he hides it from her] GENEVIEVE: Well, are you gonna show me? KLAUS: The painting is a gift. A token to honor our pact. GENEVIEVE: [feigns offense] Our pact? We had such a lovely night and now I see it was all a means to an end. KLAUS: A rather delicious means to a mutually beneficial end. GENEVIEVE: Tell me. Beyond the pleasures of last night and the promise of what I'm sure is an exquisite painting, what exactly would a French Quarter witch gain from aligning with you? KLAUS: Well, the treaty my dear brother negotiated between the warring factions of this city, the one that you yourself signed. No doubt everyone means well, but this is after all... GENEVIEVE: ...Still the French Quarter? KLAUS: [laughs] A borough rife with natural enemies. What you and your witches need is the protection only I can provide. No one-- not vampires, not werewolves, not even my brother-- will dare trifle with you if I am on your side. GENEVIEVE: And in exchange, I am to offer you what, exactly? KLAUS: All I ask is for the promise of your allegiance. One never knows when a powerful witch might come in handy. GENEVIEVE: Well, then. [They kiss] LAFAYETTE CEMETERY [Monique, Abigail, and Davina are in a tomb at the cemetery, each in different yoga positions, while trying to do a spell] MONIQUE, ABIGAIL & DAVINA: [in unison] Vie dans des ancêtres, renforcer noblesse. Comme des ancêtres, de coeur noblesse. Décider on de ancêtres, garder noblesse MONIQUE: [screams, and then begins to chant] Aah! Sine la quatrieme puella leve, comme Genevieve ceciderit. Sine la quatrieme puella leve, comme Genevieve ceciderit. DAVINA: Monique, are you ok? Monique, you sounded like you were possessed. MONIQUE: I wasn't possessed. I was channeling the ancestors. They say it's time to complete the reaping. To do that, the fourth Harvest girl must be resurrected, which means... it's time for Genevieve to die. TITLE CARD & OPENING CREDITS ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Elijah has men renovating the compound. Klaus and Genevieve come downstairs to find the source of the noise] KLAUS: Enough with all the racket! ELIJAH: Is there a problem, brother? [to the workers] Gentlemen, please. KLAUS: I agreed to a general sprucing up, not a bloody three-ring circus. ELIJAH: Marcel and his minions abused our home for the better part of a century. Now, you might be content to live in squalor. I'm not. GENEVIEVE: I agree with your brother. It's a new era in the French Quarter. This place could use a makeover. KLAUS: Careful, Elijah. When this one agrees with you, it's a sure sign she wants something. GENEVIEVE: Actually I do have a request. I'm told our coven hasn't been able to celebrate feast days in the open since Marcel restricted the use of magic. Now with the new peace, I'd like that to change. ELIJAH: Am I to assume that you have a certain feast day in mind? GENEVIEVE: The Fête des Bénêdictions. Feast of the Blessings. In the past, members of the community offered witches gifts in exchange for blessings. We'd like to use it as a forum for introducing our young Harvest girls to society. ELIJAH: So your coven attempted to destroy my family and you yourself held my siblings in unspeakable torment. And you would like a party for the witches. KLAUS: [chuckles] GENEVIEVE: I made my amends with your brother. Why don't you think it over? [Genevieve leaves] KLAUS: Oh, don't be such a stiff, Elijah. The tourists love a good festival. Besides, what better way to cement the solidarity than a show of faith toward a one-time enemy? ELIJAH: A onetime enemy with whom you've grown rather nauseatingly intimate. KLAUS: Well, who said maintaining alliances can't be fun? ELIJAH: One would think you'd be a little more interested in attending to the needs of the mother of your child. KLAUS: So, she's the reason behind this oh-so-thoughtful renovation? Elijah, the truth is, the mother of my child is werewolf royalty. She's far safer in the bayou with her pack than she would ever be here with us. Don't worry. I'll bring her home before the birth. No child of mine will be born in a swamp. THE BAYOU [Hayley is drinking tea on the porch with Eve, and remarking on all the new werewolves who have shown up in the bayou and flooded the encampments] HAYLEY: You've gotta be kidding me. Seriously, what is going on? Who are all these people? Why are they standing out here all weird and lurky? EVE: They've come from all over. All the packs. HAYLEY: Why? To see a baby that isn't even born yet? OLIVER: [comes out from inside the house] Forget the baby. These freaks, they come here to see you. You know, given the place your parents held in pack hierarchy, maybe they think you're gonna be the long-lost werewolf messiah or something. HAYLEY: Great. No pressure or anything. [Oliver's phone rings, so he walks away to take it] OLIVER: Hello? KLAUS: Oliver. I trust you have an update on the matter we discussed. OLIVER: Yeah, um, about that. We got wolves coming in by the truckload right now, so it's gonna be a little tricky to find just one guy. I mean, all you gave me was a first name. KLAUS: Yes. His name is Cary. He's got blond hair and brown eyes. He's one of my clan, a distant relative from the northeast Atlantic pack. His presence is required if we are to continue with our plan. You find him and you bring him to me. OLIVER: All right, fine. I'm on it. KLAUS: Another thing-- my brother will soon invite you to a feast honoring the witches. You and your friends will graciously accept the invitation. OLIVER: Why the hell would I do that? KLAUS: Because if Elijah believes his treaty is working, he'll be less inclined to get in my way. ROUSSEAU'S [Klaus enters the restaurant to talk to Cami] CAMI: What do you want? KLAUS: I formed an alliance with someone who may be able to help your uncle. CAMI: Let me guess. Tall, redhead, axe to grind? Those resurrected witches are the ones who hexed Kieran in the first place. Why would she want to help? KLAUS: Because it's my decree that she does. I believe the words you're looking for are "thank you." By all means, say no if you have an alternative. CAMI: No. [Klaus leaves, but Cami changes her mind] Wait. Do whatever you have to do. Just help him. MARCEL'S HIDEOUT [Marcel and Thierry are working on their scheme against Klaus] THIERRY: You wanted me to keep an eye on Klaus? I did. If you ask me, this is a good thing. Him fawning all over a girl you've got wrapped around your finger helps us. MARCEL: I don't want Cami getting hurt. She's already got witches spying on her. Do you have any idea what Klaus is gonna do when he finds out that we hooked up? THIERRY: Not my problem. The thing we need to worry about is what his hybrid ass is up to. MARCEL: He's got something going on with the witches, and he's doing it behind Elijah's back. Whatever he's up to, if I can find proof... THIERRY: [skeptical] Oh, you'll what? You're gonna rat him out to his older brother? You're gonna turn them against each other? You're exiled from the Quarter. Elijah even smells you coming and you're dad. MARCEL: You don't know them like I do. They're half-turned against each other already. Drama, pride, guilt, envy, all built up like a powder keg. All you have to do is light a match. [he looks out the window] THIERRY: Then where do we buy matches? Look around, Marcel. We have nothing. MARCEL: I started with nothing. Hell, things didn't get rolling until I turned you. You and your music and the whole city for the taking. Those were the days, T. Let's go get them back. COVEN HOUSE [The French Quarter coven has convened in the home's greenhouse for a meeting with Genevieve] GENEVIEVE: And who put you in charge? MONIQUE: I communed with the ancestors. They said it's time for you to sacrifice yourself. GENEVIEVE: Of course. It will be an honor to fulfill my duty to our coven. But it's not quite my time yet. MONIQUE: The ancestors were very clear. We need for you to die, so our community can have the full power of the Harvest. GENEVIEVE: Careful, Monique. Not so long ago, I was one of those ancestors. A spirit forced to watch as little by little, witches surrendered everything to vampires. We may no longer live under Marcel's thumb, but I for one don't particularly enjoy answering to Elijah, either. Before I take my leave, I'd like to ensure that you have the power to control your own fate. The Mikaelsons' mother Esther was a powerful witch. Her spellbook contains enchantments that we can use to our own ends. I can steal it for our coven and we'll never be held in subjugation again. You'll have your sacrifice. But, I have things to do before I die. VAMPIRE TERRITORY, HUMAN TERRITORY, & WEREWOLF TERRITORY [Elijah is meets with Diego and the rest of the the Vampire Faction about the Feast of Blessings] DIEGO: You want us to go to a witch event on bended knee and give them a gift? I'm sorry, but I just remembered. We're busy doing just about anything else that night. ELIJAH: Diego, this isn't a request. Your name is on that treaty. Now, if you have any difficulty whatsoever with your newfound position, I'd be more than willing to remove you. DIEGO: I never thought I'd see the day. Vampires bowing down to witches. [Elijah meets with Francesca, the Human Faction leader] ELIJAH: I see it as a demonstration of strength, acknowledging a lesser faction. FRANCESCA: But you're not asking, are you? [laughs] Oh, I see it's true what they say about you, Elijah. You make even strong-arming seem noble. Well, the tourists do eat this stuff up. Can you imagine what they'd think if they suddenly found out it was all real? I take it you want me at the public show and the private party afterward? ELIJAH: That is correct. FRANCESCA: I'd be happy to attend. And in return, you will owe the humans a favor. [Elijah next meets with Jackson, Oliver, and Hayley on behalf of the Crescent wolves] ELIJAH: Your people are uniquely poised to set an example for the rest of the French Quarter. Which is why it's important for the wolves to attend. HAYLEY: Thanks, but no thanks? OLIVER: [sighs] Let's hear the man out. HAYLEY: The witches are the ones that cursed your pack. And they've been nothing but crap to me since I first came to town. [to Elijah] No. We're not going. JACKSON: It's a new day in the Quarter, Hayley. I agree with Oliver. If we're gonna coexist, we have to play ball. We'll send a representative with a gift. [Elijah frowns as Hayley, who is annoyed, walks away. He catches up with her and talks with her privately] ELIJAH: [whispers] That was too easy. Don't trust him. Don't trust any of them. ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Oliver roughly drags Cary, Klaus' distant relative, into St. Anne's for their meeting with Klaus] OLIVER: You don't stop squirming, I don't care who you know, I'm gonna kneecap you right here. [Klaus vamp-speeds toward them, annoyed] KLAUS: When I asked you to bring Cary to me, it was as my guest. Might I recommend you release him before I opt to release you from your mortal coil. OLIVER: I found him like you asked, and he jumped me. Now, his pack's been going at mine since the beginning of time. I don't owe him a thing. KLAUS: You see, it's that short-sighted attitude that led to the demise of the werewolves. OLIVER: I'm pretty sure Marcel and the witches did that. KLAUS: The packs should have been united. Marcel saw that weakness and he exploited it. If you seek to rebuild with only the Crescents, you may as well stay in your hovels in the bog! [turns to Cary and smiles kindly] I don't believe we've had the pleasure of an introduction. CARY: Legend says you're descended from our line. KLAUS: The legends are true. Come here. [leads him away and pulls his ring out of his pocket] I understand that this ring was passed down through generations of our family. I need to know what stone it housed. CARY: I never saw it with a stone. KLAUS: Could you ask around for me, mate? Hmm? See what you can find out. MARCEL'S HIDEOUT [Diego has come over to meet with Thierry about the plan] DIEGO: You can't just start a revolution, all on your own ,from exile across the river. I mean, like it or not, Elijah's plan is the new reality. THIERRY: Elijah's got you bowing down to witches. How long until you're kow-towing to werewolves? DIEGO: [scoffs] Right, and who's gonna lead this rebellion, huh? You? MARCEL: [walks down the stairs to join them] I got a few ideas. DIEGO: I remember the last time I stood with you against an Original. Didn't go so well. MARCEL: All we gotta do is show that we won't bow down. Make enough noise, they'll leave. I figure we can be a lot louder if we're in it together. DIEGO: Look, Elijah Mikaelson's a dick, no doubt. Thing is, with him at least I know where I stand. MARCEL: Do you? We've been watching Klaus. Making deals with witches, holding secret meetings with werewolves. You can't trust these people. DIEGO: [shouts] You're the one who picked up Klaus' coin! You, Marcel. Maybe T's got a short memory, but I don't. You're a coward. [Marcel lunges at Diego and slams him down on top of his glass coffeetable, which shatters. Thierry immediately jumps in to play peacekeeper] THIERRY: Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa! MARCEL: When I picked up that coin, I was saving your ass. Klaus was gonna kll all of you. A good leader knows when he's gotta fight another day. Now that day's here. I'm ready. You gonna fight with me? DIEGO: With what? Huh? Look around. All you've got is Thierry and a whole bunch of talk. You guys don't seem to get it. You lost, all right? I picked the winning side, so if you want to start a wr, you're fighting against me. [Diego storms out of Marcel's loft. Marcel is still angry and disappointed] MARCEL: Time we got more persuasive. THE BAYOU [Hayley comes out on the porch to join Jackson and Oliver. They stop talking when she comes outside, which makes her suspicious] HAYLEY: What is this? High School? OLIVER: Why don't you take the hint and mind your own business? [Hayley grabs him by the arm, spins him around, twists his arm behind his back, and pins him up against the wall, face-first] HAYLEY: This is my pack. That makes it my business. JACKSON: No need to get all riled up. It's not good for you, Hayley. HAYLEY: I have tried to play nice [twists his arm harder] The last month of pregnancy is all hormones and mood swings, so unless you want me to snap your arm like a twig, I suggest that you tell me what is going on. OLIVER: You can go to hell. JACKSON: Knock it off. There's no reason to keep it from her. OLIVER: I can think of a reason. Tall and immortal and wears a pocket scarf. [Oliver fights against her, but she forcefully pins him back down again] OLIVER: Uhh! JACKSON: Hayley, you're one of us. You deserve to know. Now, go on. [Hayley reluctantly releases him and turns to Jackson for an explanation] JACKSON: We made an alliance that's gonna change everything for the wolves. HAYLEY: An alliance with who? JACKSON: Klaus. HAYLEY: Tell me everything. COVEN HOUSE [Klaus has come to Genevieve's house to ask for her help treating Father Kieran] GENEVIEVE: You came all this way to beg for some human's life? KLAUS: Father Kieran's time is running out, and he has been an ally to me. GENEVIEVE: Your ally, and Cami's uncle. Sorry. As I've already said, there's no way to undo that hex. KLAUS: Oh, come on. You and I both know there's always a loophole. GENEVIEVE: Not for this. At least not among my people. Although, I do wonder. Your mother was powerful. She would have had access to all manner of spells. Perhaps I could take a look through her grimoire. KLAUS: You want to use father Kieran's ailment as an excuse to look through my mother's spellbook. Very devious. GENEVIEVE: Come on. The grimoire is worthless to you. But with it's power, I could solidify my place in the coven. KLAUS: No, I'm sorry, love. It's bad enough my mother's power was consecrated with your ancestors. The last thing I need is for you to get a look at an entire book of her dirty, little tricks. GENEVIEVE: That's unfortunate. Particularly for poor father Kieran. I guess you'll be the one to tell Cami. [Klaus lunges at Genevieve and pins her in a choke-hold against the table. He leans in close to her face] KLAUS: You think you have leverage over me? I will not be manipulated. GENEVIEVE: [whispers] Vamisa la visia. [Klaus groans in pain and releases Genevieve] GENEVIEVE: And I won't be thrat. So, between the two of us, we each know where we stand. As long as we can retain that mutual respect, I don't see a need for any further demonstrations of power. Don't call me again. THE FRENCH QUARTER [It is night now, and the Feast of Blessings parade begins down the main street. The witches march down the street, and the three currently-alive Harvest girls are hoisted above the crowd on thrones. The girls are each dressed for the element they represented in the Harvest--Monique in floral earth tones, for earth; Davina in bright red-orange, for fre; and Abigail in white, for air. Genevieve anxiously watches it all from the sidelines] GENEVIEVE: [to a fellow witch] It's time. Klaus will be at the event, which means the compound will be empty. You know what to do. [Genevieve joins the Harvest girls on stage to greet the crowd] GENEVIEVE: Now, in accordance with the Fête des Bénédictions, the witches of New Orleans bless you all! [The crowd cheers. Genevieve steps offstage. Monique steps forward first, and creates a mild earthquake that rumbles the ground below them. Then, Abigail steps forward and raises her arms to create very strong winds that blow around the crowd of tourists. Finally, Davina steps forward, turns around, and raises her palm to the sign behind her, which immediately ignites with fre and sets off dozens of fireworks, which makes the crowd cheer again] THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [The witch Genevieve sent has entered the compound, and begins to look around the courtyard. After a moment, he finds Esther's grimoire laying on the table, and reaches for it] KLAUS: [above, on the balcony] A little too easy, isn't it? I've been expecting you. [he vamp-speeds down to him] You're late. THE QUARTER [Music plays as Elijah waits near the entrance and waits for Davina to pass through] ELIJAH: Davina. DAVINA: Elijah. ELIJAH: It's lovely to see you. And under far better circumstances. DAVINA: Is it? My friend Tim is still dad, and your brother's still breathing. GENEVIEVE: [appears behind her] Davina, that's enough. Elijah has been a patron to us this evening. We will show him respect. [to Elijah] Thank you for all of this. ELIJAH: This isn't for you. You know as well as I that your people would never accept a truce unless we showed them some respect. So be it. Enjoy your party. [Hayley enters just as Genevieve leaves] ELIJAH: [smiles] Strange. I thought you'd be in the company of your colorful friends. HAYLEY: Oh. You asked for a representative for the werewolves, so take me or leave me. [Elijah smiles and holds out his arm, which Hayley reluctantly takes] INSIDE THE PARTY [Monique glares at Davina, who is talking and giggling with some guests. Genevieve catches up with her] GENEVIEVE: Is something wrong? MONIQUE: These people came to praise witches. What has she done to prove herself worthy? GENEVIEVE: She's a Harvest girl. Like you. [gestures for Monique to walk with her] MONIQUE: Our power is a gift from the ancestors. I've had to make sacrifices to honor that gift. I lost my mother, my aunt. Davina has done nothing but stand against us. GENEVIEVE: She just needs a little lesson. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's putting people in their place. [Genevieve kicks off the after-party by greeting the guests] GENEVIEVE: (CLINKING) Welcome. As is our time-honored tradition, you are all welcome to deliver your offerings. It is our custom that no one should be turned away, no blessing be denied. [Guests line up to bring their offerings to the Harvest girls. First is Hayley, who smiles at Davina and is about to give her gift to her, but is stopped by an attendant. She tells Hayley to give the gift to Monique, which she does. The next person, Francesca gives their gift to Abigail. Genevieve watches as no one gives their gift to Davina] CAMI: [behind Genevieve] Do you get any gifts? GENEVIEVE: What are you doing here? CAMI: Technically, I'm crashing, but it's you I came to see. Don't worry, I just want to say my piece and then I'll leave. Here. GENEVIEVE: And what is this? CAMI: An offering, from me. I know we have no reason to like each other, but I want to honor what Elijah has built. What my uncle worked for. GENEVIEVE: Oh. So this is about your uncle. CAMI: Like I said, I know you have no reason to help me, but Klaus said a long time ago, you were cheated out of life, and if I can't help him, if you can't help him, so will he. And, so I'm asking you, please. [Genevieve opens the gift to find an antique hair comb] Klaus said you were from this era. And I thought with your red hair... GENEVIEVE: [is obviously touched by her gift] I had one just like this. Perhaps I can help you. INSIDE THE PARTY [The line to give offerings to the Harvest girls continue. Davina has still not received any gifts, and Monique sends Davina smug smiles every time she gets a new gift. Davina, near tears, runs away and bumps into Josh on her way out] DAVINA: Josh! What are you doing here? JOSH: What, are you kidding? No way I'd miss out on your big day. Besides, music, wind, fre? The club kid in me is, like, in heaven. [notices how sad she is] You don't look like you're having much fun, though. Hey. Come on. Let's get out of here. [He's about to lead her away when Klaus notices him] KLAUS: [appears] Joshua. What a fortunate coincidence, finding you here. We have unfinished business. DAVINA: [to Klaus] You need to leave here. Right now. KLAUS: Now, to be fair, love, you're not quite as powerful as you once were, are you? You're in no position to give orders. [vamp-speeds over to Josh and grabs him by the neck] Come along, lad. JOSH: Hey, can we talk about this? [Davina follows them into the main room of the party] DAVINA: Josh! KLAUS: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please. We are gathered here today to pay homage to our beloved witches, but one very special witch has been utterly ignored. That seems a little unfair to me. [he hands her a small box as his offering] DAVINA: No. I don't want your gift. KLAUS: I understand why you would reject me, given our past. In truth, many of us here today have been wronged in the conflict which my brother's treaty ended. Your friend Josh was involved in a plot to kll me. It would be well within my right to execute him here and now. But, in the spirit of solidarity, and for your favor, Davina, I hereby pardon him. Josh from this day forward, you have nothing to fear from me. Please. [hands Davina the box] [Klaus leaves the two of them, and Josh beams in relief] JOSH: So, are you gonna open it? [she opens it, and looks stunned when she finds a lapis lazuli ring and a small, folded up piece of parchment] What? What is it? DAVINA: It's the spell that makes daylight rings. [Hayley walks through the party as Klaus catches up with her and wraps an arm around her] KLAUS: I hear you made quite an impression with the wolves. My arrangement with them was supposed to be a secret, and yet you forced it out of them. It's very bold. As was your decision to represent them here today, on your own. I trust you'll do nothing to harm our cause. HAYLEY: Are you really gonna go behind Elijah's back? KLAUS: Come on! What difference does it make to you as long as your people benefit? HAYLEY: If I find out that you are playing some game, trying to manipulate us for one of your schemes-- KLAUS: [interrupts her]--You know, you've come a long way, little wolf. I knew you were tough, I knew you were cunning, but I never knew you were a queen. [A large group of drummers marches into the party. Confused, Hayley, Elijah and Klaus linger nearby and watch them] LEAD DRUMMER: Happy Fête des Bénédictions. We have a message for all of you from Marcel Gerard. [The crowd frowns, and everyone starts whispering to each other. All of the drummers take out straight razors and slice their wrists open, bleeding all over the floor. The vampires in the room start to get antsy and vamp-out at the smell of blood] ELIJAH: Control yourselves. This is a vulgar trick. [shouts] We do not violate our agreement. [The lights suddenly go out, and the vampires start feeding on the drummers, as well as other humans at the party. The crowd dissolves into chaos] GENEVIEVE: [runs toward the Harvest girls and grabs another witch to help] Get them out of here! [The chaos continues, and when the lights switch back on, there are dozens of dad/injured humans lying on the ground. On the walls, someone has written "THERE WILL BE NO PEACE" on the wall] HAYLEY: Hey! - Elijah? ELIJAH: Hayley. It's okay. It's all right. [he picks her up and helps her out of the party] OUTSIDE MARCEL'S HIDEOUT [Thierry and Marcel are recapping the night's events] THIERRY: Blood on the walls. Pile of bodies. All in all, I'd say message received. MARCEL: Did you get Davina out first? THIERRY: As planned, Josh took care of Davina. I made sure the other Harvest girls got out in the clear. MARCEL: That was just the warning sht. Now we double down. ELIJAH: [shouts out] Marcel! [Elijah tackles Thierry and throws him against the building] THIERRY: Aah! ELIJAH: [vamp-speeds so he is face-to-face with Marcel] I warned you. [he shoves Marcel against the wall] And yet still, you return to the French Quarter. MARCEL: You gonna kll me, Elijah? Go ahead. But then you won't know what Klaus has got going with that witch in his pocket. ELIJAH: Oh, whatever shall I do? I suppose I could just ask him. MARCEL: Yeah. Make sure he tells you all about the secret meetings with the werewolves. That is, if he's still speaking to you once he knows that you klled me. [Thierry picks himself up off the ground] ELIJAH: Do you not know me? [Elijah shoves his fist into Marcel's chest and grabs his heart. When Thierry jumps in to protect him, Elijah does the same to Thierry, who groans in pain] ELIJAH: For your violation. [Elijah rips out Thierry's heart] MARCEL: [kneels next to Thierry's body] No. No, no. ELIJAH: [holds Thierry's heart in Marcel's face] You live or you die according to my will. Try to remember that. [Marcel starts to cry] AFTER THE PARTY [Klaus catches up with Genevieve] KLAUS: You left without my offering. GENEVIEVE: Your vampires ruined my party. KLAUS: Oh, they're not my vampires anymore, love. Although, Marcel certainly took a page out of my book for dramatic effect. Look, I owed Davina some consolation because I klled her first love. I do try to make up for my wrong-doings. As with our little quarrel earlier. So, here. [hands her a gift] I picked it out earlier tonight. A friend of yours gave me a hand. GENEVIEVE: And what friend was that? KLAUS: Well, open it. See for yourself. [she opens the box to find the witch's severed hands resting inside] Did you really think I would leave my mother's grimoire unprotected? GENEVIEVE: A century ago, I dreamed of what it would be like to know you. Now I'm glad I didn't. I might have been naive enough to fall for you, or fear you, but I learned a lot in death. And trust me, Klaus Mikaelson--It's you who should be afraid of me. KLAUS: Pity. I will miss the sex. GENEVIEVE: Your friend Cami showed up tonight. Her offering was quite sweet. So, I gave her hope that I would lift Kieran's hex, but there is no hope. Or if there was, there isn't now. KLAUS: If the priest dies, then believe me, you will follow swiftly after him. GENEVIEVE: [laughs] It would be foolish of you to kll me, a potential ally, in defense of some powerless human who is, by the way, sleeping with your enemy Marcel. THE BAYOU [Hayley is pacing around outside by a fre as she talks to Jackson] HAYLEY: I've learned my lesson. At first I was against your plan. I thought that we should just live with Elijah's treaty, but after that party, those innocent people. There will never be a peace. The weak will always be at the mercy of whoever is calling the shts. JACKSON: It's survival of the fittest. We need to protect ourselves. And we we need to protect each other. HAYLEY: We need to use Klaus' help while he's still willing to give it. But, Jackson, from now on, you have to tell me everything. And no matter what, we do not trust Klaus. THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Klaus returns home to find Elijah waiting for him, with his hands still bloody from klling Thierry] KLAUS: Well, I see that you've already avenged the little wolf. But judging by your look, you're still out for blood. ELIJAH: If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results, then surely my quest for your salvation ranks me as one of the maddest of men. KLAUS: Come on, then. What horrible deed has the bastard done this time? ELIJAH: Do you know, in the past, I actually appreciated the methods to your manipulations? However, now, here we are, poised on the brink of a new era which will benefit not only your home but your child, and you go behind my back to conspire with wolves. KLAUS: Conspire is hardly the word I would use for a family council. Lest you forget, Elijah, they are my family as much as any Mikaelson. A name, in truth, I cannot even call my own. ELIJAH: How casually you disavow 1,000 years of allegiance towards you. KLAUS: And now that I've found the remnants of my other family, am I to ignore their plight? I would've thought you'd support my desire to help them, when in doing so, I help Hayley, and the child. ELIJAH: Do not question my allegiance towards that child. KLAUS: Oh, and I suppose your affection for Hayley has nothing to do with your tireless dedication. Yes, you see, I saw how you cared for her tonight. Called her name in the dark. The zeal with which you destroy those who would harm her. ELIJAH: I have denied every single impulse I have ever had for that woman. Out of some misbegotten respect for intentions that you don't even have. KLAUS: I'm warning you... ELIJAH: I'm warning you. I've forgiven you. I have stood by you. I've forsaken every single one of my desires in the name of your ridiculous redemption. No more. If I want something I'll take it. And nothing nothing will stand in my way. ROSSEAU'S [Klaus has arrived at Rousseau's to talk to Cami] CAMI: Klaus, what are you doing here? KLAUS: I came here to apologize. I've made a terrible mistake. CAMI: Whatever it is, you should sleep it off. I'm sure it can wait 'til morning. KLAUS: You went to Genevieve. She was moved by your plea. She may even have cured Kieran. But I insulted her. And as a means of revenge, she is refusing him aid. Kieran will die because of me, and it will be a horrible death. CAMI: Why are you telling me this? KLAUS: Because I believe that secrets are a poison. They need to be spat out. Like your secret...about your time with Marcel. CAMI: Isn't that what you wanted? You compelled me to go out with Marcel. You made me your spy. And maybe it's your fault we got together, and you're just mad because you didn't get to control it. KLAUS: You tell Marcel if I see him again, I'll kll him. THE BAYOU [Music plays as the werewolves all hang out together outside around a bonfire. Eve and Elijah are together nearby, talking] EVE: You don't need to keep coming out. I'd tell you if something was wrong. But she's doing okay. The girl has a natural gift for leading. She surprised everyone. ELIJAH: [smiles and watches Hayley laugh and talk to her family] Not everyone. EVE: Do you want to join us? ELIJAH: What I want Is for that girl to be happy. Don't tell her I was here. [Elijah disappears] OUTSIDE MARCEL'S HIDEOUT [Marcel has covered Thierry's body and douses it in alcohol] MARCEL: This is Thierry Vanchure. Mean-ass horn player, lover of feisty women--witch, vampire, and human alike. [sighs] I rebuilt this city with him and he always had my back. Even when I screwed up and forgot to have his. And now All I can do is promise you this, T. I won't let you die in vain. I will take back our city. [Vampires start to jump down from rooftops around Marcel, including Diego] DIEGO: Going up against the Originals? For real, no backing down? MARCEL: No backing down. LAFAYETTE CEMETERY [The coven has gathered to discuss Genevieve's fate] MONIQUE: You failed us. GENEVIEVE: I told you. It will take time. MONIQUE: Do you think the ancestors care about your excuses? The vampires attcked us. We can't retaliate until we possess our full strength. Your sacrifice is the final step. [holds out Harvest Knfe] GENEVIEVE: [begins coughing and gasping due to Monique's spell] MONIQUE: [channels the ancestors] Nous concedumus sa vie a Genevieve. Si elle hecatage a filia de Mikaelson. GENEVIEVE: [gasps] What are they saying? MONIQUE: They told me to let you live. But in exchange, they want another offering. One of their choosing. GENEVIEVE: Tell me. Whatever it is they want, I will make sure they get it. I swear it. MONIQUE: It's the child. They want us to kll Klaus' child. [Genevieve looks shocked and afraid] END EPISODE Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x18 - The Big Uneasy"}	foreverdreaming
ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Kieran is having upsetting hallucinations of Bastianna and his dad nephew Sean as Cami tries to help take care of him] KIERAN: [kneels at the sacristy for communion] This is the body. This is the blood. May they cleanse me of sin and preserve my soul in life everlasting. BASTIANNA: [sits in the pew behind him] I'd say it's a little late for that, Father. I see you still have your faith. KIERAN: [terrified] You stay away. BASTIANNA: If only it could save you, Sean. [Sean appears behind Kieran, and holds a scythe to Kieran's neck, just as he did to himself and the other seminary students] KIERAN: God, no! Aah! BASTIANNA: [holds the communion cup toward him] To life everlasting. Drink. KIERAN: [hysterical] Be gone, demon. BASTIANNA/CAMI: Come now, just one sip. [In reality, Cami is holding a glass of water, and is trying to get him to drink it as Josh holds Kieran down. Kieran, freaking out, slaps the cup out of her hand] KIERAN: No. Uh! I know who you are, you hateful bitch. [notices Josh, and believes he's his nephew] Oh, Sean, I tried to help you. I tried to save you, but this city...this city is full of monsters. JOSH: [tries to remain calm] Uh, yeah. Trust me, I know. [to Cami] Remind me to never piss off a witch. KIERAN: Aagh! [Kieran falls to the floor and begins having a seizure. Cami kneels next to him] CAMI: Help me lay him on his side! KIERAN: [calms down momentarily] Cami. CAMI: [hopeful] Uncle Kieran? KIERAN: [vecomes confused and agitated again] What do you want from me? [Kieran backs away into a corner, and Cami and Josh stand up to talk alone] CAMI: You saw that, right? It was just for a second, but it was him. [They both stare at Kieran, who anxiously grabs the cross around the neck and squeezes it] JOSH: I don't know, Cami. I mean, maybe he's still in there underneath all the crazy, but the crazy is pretty thick. CAMI: Maybe he just needs a shock to his system, something to wipe the slate clean. Josh, I think I have an idea on how to fix him. TITLE CARD & OPENING CREDITS THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Elijah enters the study to find Klaus searching furiously for something on the bookshelf] ELIJAH: Can I help you find something? KLAUS: Yes, in fact, I believe you can. I'm looking for a book, about yay big, filled with our mother's most powerful spells. It appears to have been misplaced. ELIJAH: [sits at his desk] How very mysterious. KLAUS: Indeed. At first, I feared the witches had succeeded in their efforts to obtain it, but, considering their last attempt ended with me relieving a rather large, tattooed gentleman of his hands, I began to wonder if the thief wasn't a bit closer to home. [notices Elijah nonchalantly scribbling in a notebook] Don't make this harder than it needs to be, brother. ELIJAH: Well, admittedly, I did have a theory that your sudden interest in mother's grimoire was in some way related to whatever foolishness you've been conducting with the Crescent wolves. Therefore, I took it upon myself to carefully place it where naughty, little fingers could not pry. KLAUS: And here I thought you, of all people, would understand. I am simply trying to help those wolves! Play Samaritan to the abused, champion to the underdog, so to speak. ELIJAH: How splendidly noble of you. KLAUS: Have you ever considered that, like you, I am trying to keep Hayley safe? Using our mother's magic to empower her people so they are capable of protecting her? ELIJAH: [stands up and walks toward him] Yes, unless, of course, they decide to seek retribution for decades held in exile, and Hayley will find herself in the middle of an uprising. One that will only provoke further volence. You see, you risk turning New Orleans into a wr zone, brother. I won't let that happen. KLAUS: The drums of wr were beating long before we returned. I suggest you use a little less of this [makes a talking gesture with his hand] and a little more of these. [points to his ears, and smiles fakely before sitting on the couch] ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Cami is on the phone with Marcel, updating him on Kieran's condition] CAMI: Mmm-mm. No way. MARCEL: Cami, Josh told me how bad things have gotten. I should be there for you. Just let me help! CAMI: How? By getting yourself klled? You have a target on your back, Marcel. The last thing I need is for you to get hurt because of me. MARCEL: I'm more worried about you. Kieran is dangerous. CAMI: I got this. You come here, I'll throw you out myself, all right? I mean it. [Cami hangs up on him just as Josh arrives with a doctor, who is immediately horrified to see Father Kieran shackled to the heater] DOCTOR: What the hell? JOSH: Oh, ok. Yeah. Totally see how we got kind of a crime scene vibe happening here. Just don't freak out, ok? DR. SHESKI: Hi. I'm Dr. Sheski. Just gonna get your pulse. KIERAN: Aah! Hah! [Kieran is startled by the man getting close to his face, and angrily starts biting at him] MARCEL'S HIDEOUT & THE ABBATOIR [Marcel walks around his loft as he considers what he's about to do. After a moment of hesitation, he calls Klaus, who is at the Abbatoir compound] KLAUS: Think very carefully before you speak. The sound of your voice is likely to make me regret what mercy I've shown thus far. MARCEL: Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm on your "who's been naughty" list. Thing is, Cami needs you. Whatever anger you have towards me, don't make her suffer for it. She's with Kieran. [Klaus hangs up] ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Dr. Sheski continues to examine Kieran] DR. SHESKI: I'm gonna have to let the authorities know what the hell is going on here. CAMI: [anxious] Josh? JOSH: Oh, right. [starts to compel Dr. Sheski] Dude, be cool. It's just a priest hexed by a witch because of some vampires. Accept that these things are real, then forget them. I mean later. You forget them later. Crap. Ah! Ok. Let me start over. CAMI: Dr. Sheski, my uncle needs to be sedated, something strong. DR. SHESKI: Sedation? He looks like he should be in an ICU. JOSH: Yeah, see, this other witch put this boundary spell on him. So he's kind of stuck in here. DR. SHESKI: This man is malnourished, severely dehydrated-- CAMI: --Which is why you're here, but first--Doctor, what do you know about shock therapy? DR. SHESKI: ECT? First, it's incredibly dangerous. CAMI: But, it has been known to help treat cases of extreme psychosis. JOSH: Answer the nice lady. DR. SHESKI: We don't fully understand it yet, but, yes, in some patients, using electrical current to induce seizures can subvert a psychotic episode, in effect, rebooting the brain. But, only in the most extreme cases, do we even consider... CAMI: Like my friend said, we're talking about a priest hexed by a witch. I don't think it gets any more extreme than that. THE BAYOU [Hayley and Eve are in their shack, where Eve is helping Hayley prepare for giving birth] EVE: That's it. Inhale and release. HAYLEY: I guess this means no epidural, huh? You sure I can't do this thing in, say, a hospital, the place with the doctors and the drugs? EVE: Honey, the werewolves have been having babies out here since before you were born. Stop worrying. HAYLEY: Okay. Then what, Eve? I don't even know what it's like to have a mother, let alone be one. EVE: Trust me, when the time comes, you'll know exactly what to do. HAYLEY: I hope so. As fun as it is to image Klaus changing dirty diapers, I'm pretty sure that I'll be doing this alone. EVE: I somehow doubt that. [Elijah arrives at the doorway] ELIJAH: Pardon the interruption. I wonder if I might have a quick word with the conspirators of a supposed uprising. [Later, Elijah meets with Jackson and Oliver, along with Eve and Hayley] ELIJAH You're making a grave mistake. OLIVER: So, you're just worried about us. Is that it? JACKSON: Look, Elijah. We know all about your brother's reputation, but if there is even a chance that these rings can help us take control of our curse-- OLIVER: --Our gift-- JACKSON: --Then, honestly, we don't care what he's really after. Won't have to. ELIJAH: I see. There are those in the Quarter who will consider this a great provocation. OLIVER: Apparently, most of them see us breathing the same way. ELIJAH: [to Hayley] You signed a pledge, and you looked me in the eye as you did so. HAYLEY: We don't want a fight, Elijah. We just want a better life. ELIJAH: Allegiance with my brother will guarantee you anything but that. [They hear the sound of a motorbike approaching, and cut their argument short to go see who it is] JACKSON: What the hell? [Outside, a man on a motorbike rides into the encampment and stops as the group approach him] MAN: Which one of you is in charge? JACKSON: Who's asking? [Elijah notices something off about the man, and reflexively tackles him, just as the motorbike explodes. Everyone is thrown backwards in the blast] EVERYONE: Waah! [Elijah picks himself up off the ground. His clothes and skin are all singed and covered in ash. It takes a moment for Elijah's ears to heal enough to hear anything. He sees injured people all around him stumbling around, including Jackson, Oliver, and Hayley] OLIVER: Hayley, are you ok? [Hayley gets up quickly and runs over to where everyone else is. She sees a little girl standing next to a severely injured man, and immediately runs over to help] HAYLEY: [picks up the child] It's ok. Here. Come here. Oh, God. Jackson? Here. Get him away from here. JACKSON: [takes the child and walks away] Come on. ELIJAH: Hayley. HAYLEY: Elijah. [Hayley and Elijah kneel next to the injured man. Elijah lifts his shirt to find chemical and heat burns] ELIJAH: Wolfsbane. HAYLEY: It must have been in the gas tnk. You're the fastest. Take him, anyone else who can't walk on their own. [Elijah looks at Hayley in concern] It's ok, Elijah. I'm fine. They need your help. [Hayley walks over to where Oliver is helping treat a werewolf who has been impaled with a tree branch] OLIVER: Just hang in there, ok? HAYLEY: [sees that Oliver is about to pull it out and runs over to them] Oliver, no. WEREWOLF GIRL: Aah! HAYLEY: Oh, God. [grabs Eve's hands] Press here. [to Oliver] Give me your shirt. [uses the shirt to make a tourniquet] Now! It's okay. EVE: [impressed] How'd you learn how to do that? HAYLEY: You get a hell of an education when you leave home at 13. That should slow the bleeding, at least until the healing kicks in. OLIVER: [stands up and throws a nearby trashcan in anger[ Oh! Rraagh! Vampires. They don't even have the guts to do their own dirty work themselves. I mean, why bother when you can just compel some poor son-of-a-bitch to do it for you? I say we ht them back! Hard. HAYLEY: [pushes him against a shack] Stay here, Oliver. I need you to look after everyone until I get back. OLIVER: Where the hell are you going? HAYLEY: If this was vampires, I'm pretty sure that I can guess who gave the order. I'm gonna go find Marcel. [She grabs a tree branch from the ground and breaks it into a stake before leaving] ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Cami, Josh, and Dr. Sheski stand around Father Kieran as Dr. Sheski reluctantly preps him for ECT] KIERAN: [to Josh] There's a special place in hell for your kind. JOSH: Not the first time I've heard that one. [Josh puts a gag in his mouth just as Klaus enters the attic] KLAUS: Well, isn't this a gruesome little scene? CAMI: Klaus, what are you doing here? KLAUS: I received an urgent call on your behalf. It seems I've been tasked with doing what your coward of a boyfriend could not. Which, by the looks of things, is dissuading you from whatever madness it is you're about to attempt. CAMI: [turns to the doctor] Are you ready? DR. SHESKI: [terrified] Please, I'm begging you, don't force me to do this. CAMI: Fine. I'll do it myself. [grabs the ECT handles and stands behind Kieran] KLAUS: Camille, your uncle is a good man. He shouldn't suffer. CAMI: He's been suffering for weeks. He's dying, Klaus. This might be the only chance he's got. [Camille places the electrodes against Kieran's temples and shocks him, as Josh, Klaus, and the doctor stand and watch uncomfortably] KIERAN: Aah! Aagh! Aagh! Ah! HAYLEY'S CAR & THE BAYOU [Hayley drives across the river, where Marcel is currently living, and calls Elijah to assure him she's okay] ELIJAH: Hayley. HAYLEY: I have to take care of something. I'll be back as soon as I can. ELIJAH: Where are you? HAYLEY: Elijah, I'm fine. Just take care of the pack while I'm gone, please? [Hayley hangs up on Elijah. Jackson approaches him] JACKSON: Is she okay? ELIJAH: Apparently, yes. JACKSON: It's a good thing that bmb went off where it did. Could've been a lot worse. We all could've got klled. [The two walk where the entirety of the Bayou wolves have congregated after the explsin, tending to the wounded and dad. Elijah considers Jackson's words for a minute, and his eyes grow wide in panic] ELIJAH: Unless... [he notices a bmb planted under an RV nearby] Get everyone out of here! Now! [Eight different explsin go off from various points in the encampments, damaging numerous people. Just as Elijah begins tending to the newly injured, another explsin, this one much larger, goes off right behind him, so he dives over a man to protect him] ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Kieran has just woken up after Cami administered ECT shocks] KIERAN: [relieved] Cami. [quickly becomes agitated again] What the hell did you do to me? CAMI: We have to do it again. JOSH: Whoa, are you serious? CAMI: That was something coherent. It's working. KLAUS: [blocks Cami from grabbing the electrodes] Doctor, see to your patient. KIERAN: [to Dr. Sheski] You get away from me. DR. SHESKI: Heartbeat is irregular. You can't keep this up. It'll kll him. CAMI: No. KLAUS: Cami, we need to have a word in private. [Klaus and Cami leave the room] KLAUS: I think you need to prepare yourself. This story does not have a happy ending. CAMI: But the treatments-- KLAUS: -- w'ill kll him. Were you to push him over the brink, I would hate for you to have to live with that, no matter how noble your aim. CAMI: So that's it, then? You just expect me to surrender? KLAUS: Maybe it's time--not to give up--to let go. CAMI: It's not your decision to make. THE BAYOU [The walking wounded are treating the more seriously wounded werewolves, as well as helping dig them out of collapsed shelters and shacks. Elijah sees Jackson examining the body of a werewolf who doesn't seem to be breathing] ELIJAH: Jackson, she's gone. OLIVER: [shouting] Help! Somebody help! [He's kneeling next to Eve, who is pinned under an overturned RV] Okay. Hold on. Hold on, Eve. [Elijah sees Oliver struggling to lift the RV, and runs over to help him] Gaah! Uh! Uh! Come on, Eve. Come on. It's okay. You're gonna be okay. VAMPIRE HIDEOUT [Hayley barges into the hideout where Diego and the other vampires have been hanging out] DIEGO: You done got some nerve coming up in here, mama. [Hayley knocks Diego flat on his back, and he jumps back up and growls at her. Hayley pushes him up against a wall and shoves a stake into his chest, just missing his heart] HAYLEY: Someone attcked my pack in the bayou this morning, and since I don't see any genius mastermind-types around here...Why don't you just tell me where Marcel is, and we can both get on with our day, huh? [Diego groans and fights against her] HAYLEY: You think I'm playing? There were families out there. DIEGO: [guilty] He used to keep a place. 1917 Patterson. If he's still around, he'll be there. [She rips the stake out of her chest and takes her leave] ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Josh admires his new daylight ring as he and Dr. Sheski keep an eye on Father Kieran] JOSH: [to the doctor] Um, I wouldn't stay that close to him if I were you. He's kind of unpredictable...and mrder. DR. SHESKI: This is fascinating. Would it be possible to speak to the witches responsible? JOSH: Yeah. You don't want to do that. KIERAN: Raah! Holy Raah! Aagh! [Kieran leans forward viciously and bites his own thumb off so he can slip out of his restraints. He lunges for Dr. Shesky, but Josh manages to grab hold of him so he can't hurt anyone] JOSH: Hey! Little help in here! THE DOCKS & ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Hayley calls Klaus as she walks over to where Marcel is staying. Klaus is still helping Cami and Father Kieran] HAYLEY: Klaus, where are you? KIERAN: [to Klaus] His wrath burns against you, demon. KLAUS: I'm in a bit of a situation here, love. HAYLEY: Somebody sent a su1c1de bmb out to the bayou this morning. KLAUS: What? Where are you? HAYLEY: I'm in the city now. I'm fine. I figured an attck like that must have been Marcel. He's hated the wolves for years, and after that stunt he pulled with the witches...So, I tracked him down. Thought you might like to help kick his ass for trying to blow us to kingdom come. KLAUS: [to Josh] Would you get him out of here now, please? Make sure he remembers nothing. [to Hayley] Hey, listen. I assure you, once I am finished here, you will have my undivided attention. In the meantime, please stay out of trouble. HAYLEY: You don't have to worry. Elijah is with me. THE BAYOU [Jackson, Oliver, and Elijah bring Eve into her shack and lay her in her bed] EVE: Ahhhh. Oh, no. ELIJAH: [examine's Eve's wound] That wound should be healing by now. OLIVER: She never klled anyone, never activated the werewolf gene. So she can't heal, not like us. ELIJAH: My blood, it could heal her. OLIVER: Vampire blood? Trust me, she'd rather die. [bat] Look, we can't just let them get away with this. JACKSON: [stands] We don't even know who's to blame. OLIVER: The hell we don't! And if we don't fight back, they'll just do it again. [Jackson stands defiantly against him, and Oliver, frustrated, runs out of the shack] MARCEL'S HIDEOUT [Hayley barges into Marcel's loft. Marcel seems to be expecting her] MARCEL: Come on in. Have a seat. I'd offer you a drink, but..[gestures to her baby bump] HAYLEY: Sweet pad. MARCEL: Oh, it's just temporary. Friend hooked me up. Believe it or not, I still got a few of those kicking around. I need friends to keep me informed, to warn me when someone is coming looking to blame me for things that I didn't do. [smiles] For the record, you didn't have to work Diego like that. You and I are long overdue for a chat. HAYLEY: You want to talk, talk. MARCEL: Tough girl. You're a lot like your dad in that way. [Hayley stares at him] Oh, yeah. I knew him. I knew your whole family. In fact, if you knew them like I did, you'd know just how many enemies they have. Back in the nineties, it was the Crescent wolves who took over the city. Or, tried to. They lived to throw down, and they were good at it, too. They didn't care who they klled as long as they got more power. HAYLEY: So the Crescent curse was your way of stopping them? How heroic. MARCEL: It was either that, or kll them all, and I'm not big on indiscriminant slaughter. See, I have this thing about kids. HAYLEY: So I've heard. MARCEL: [smirks] Oh, you did more than hear about it, Andrea Labonair. You're living proof. ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Klaus and Cami are at Kieran's bedside when his heart monitor starts to beep] KLAUS: He's in cardiac arrest. You might want to look away. [rolls up his sleeves] CAMI: What the hell are you doing? [Klaus plunges his hand into Kieran's chest] KLAUS: Massaging his heart. His body is shutting down. Even with my help, he doesn't have much time. CAMI: Your blood. If you fed him your blood, he'd wake back up, right? KLAUS: As a vampire in transition, yes. As for the hex, perhaps his death will be a mercy. CAMI: Do it. Just do it. Please, Klaus, I can't let him die, not like this. [Cami starts to cry, so Klaus reluctantly bites into his wrist and feeds Kieran his blood. Then, Klaus removes his hand, and shortly afterward, Kieran's heart stops] MARCEL'S HIDEOUT [Marcel and Hayley are still talking about Hayley and her family] HAYLEY: How long have you known who I am? MARCEL: I saw how interested you were in those Crescents. After your little family reunion out at the old plantation house, I started to put two and two together. HAYLEY: Tell me something, Marcel. Did you kll my parents? MARCEL: There was infighting among the wolves. Your folks were laying low. Somebody turned on them. I honestly don't know who. I got there afterwards, found you in your crib. HAYLEY: Give me one good reason why I should believe anything that you have to say. MARCEL: Believe whatever you want, but you were the last Labonair. I mean, could've been a lot of leverage for our side, but instead, I took you to Father Kieran. [Marcel pulls out a duffel bag and hands it to her] HAYLEY: What's that? MARCEL: Money mostly, stuff you need to start over someplace safe. Whatever happened in the bayou, I'm not your guy. But, the way things are going? Eventually, I might have to be. HAYLEY: So this is your grand plan? Get me out of town, and Klaus and Elijah follow closely behind? MARCEL: I can't say that wouldn't be a positive side effect. HAYLEY: So why don't you leave? Follow your own advice? MARCEL: I was born here, Hayley. HAYLEY: So was I. [Hayley gets up and goes to leave. Before she walks out the door, Marcel stops her] MARCEL: Guy on the bike? The bmb? Word is, he had a gambling problem. Owed money to the casinos--more importantly, to the humans who run them. And Hayley? When things get bad, remember, I tried to get you clear of it again. ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Klaus and Cami are waiting for Kieran to wake up] KLAUS: I'm afraid I have to go. CAMI: What happens next, after he wakes? KLAUS: He'll be in transition, craving blood, but I'll be back before then. CAMI: He's gonna be furious with me. He's a priest. I turned him into a vampire. What kind of desperate move is that? KLAUS: Well, you know as well as I do, love. He'll never go through with it. Turning him wasn't the goal. It was to give you a chance to say good-bye. CAMI: Klaus, will you stay just a little longer? KLAUS: [considers it for a moment] Of course. THE BAYOU [Elijah stands outside and stares at a lake near the encampments. He walks past several dad bodies before entering the shack they're using as a makeshift hospital] JACKSON: Is this the peace you promised? ELIJAH: I gather my brother believes he can remove your curse. JACKSON: Klaus was offering us freedom, not just from the pain that comes with turning, but from the contempt we've faced our whole lives. ELIJAH: And what about Hayley? JACKSON: I want to make this place right for her. Safe, for her and the baby. ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Kieran awakens in bed in the attic, as Cami and Klaus stand at his bedside] KIERAN: Cami, what happened? The hex I could feel it like a living thing inside of me. [he looks at his hand; his hex mark is gone] It's gone. [Cami is so happy, she hugs him and starts to cry] KIERAN: [notices his other hand, whose thumb has been bitten off] Oh! Oh my god! KLAUS: Yes, you've had a trying day, Father. How best to break it to you? It appears the hex was broken by your death. KIERAN: Back up. I died? For how long? KLAUS: A few hours, give or take. CAMI: I'm sorry. I just couldn't lose you, not like that. I made Klaus give you his blood. KIERAN: I see. So the devil has a deal for me, after all. CAMI: Uncle Kieran...that hunger you feel, it'll only grow stronger. KIERAN: I know how it works. KLAUS: Then you will soon know if you do not feed, you will die. KIERAN: I know if that's the choice that I have to make, I'm dad already. Please leave me with my niece. I'd like a private moment to talk with her. CAMI: It's okay. Klaus, thank you for today, for being kind. THE BAYOU [Oliver sits at Eve's bedside] EVE: Hey, Ollie, how do I look? OLIVER: You look fine, Evie. You look just fine. EVE: You always were a terrible liar. OLIVER: Damn it. Look. All you got to do is just trigger the curse. You'll heal. It's who we are. It's who you are. Why can't you just accept that? Why can't anyone see what needs to be done? Living here like animals, fighting between tribes, scared to stand up for ourselves. Who's gonna lead us, Jackson? He wants to bow down to that hybrid. Hayley? She's not one of us. At least now, we have an enemy to hate. EVE: [suddenly understands who was behind the attck] Oliver, no. Tell me you didn't... OLIVER: You don't understand. EVE: Then explain it to me, Ollie. I know you. I know you wouldn't hurt your own people. OLIVER: Look. It wasn't supposed to happen like this, Evie. I just wanted to make a little noise, just get our people mad, but I didn't agree to all this. They sab me in the back, and now.. EVE: Who? Who put you up to this? [becomes angry] You stupid kid. Do you have any idea what the pack is gonna do to you when they find out? OLIVER: They're not gonna find out, Evie. If they did, all those people would have died in vain. I had to do whatever it took to make us strong. EVE: [scared] Ollie, no. OLIVER: I've got to do that even now. [He picks up a pillow] EVE: Ollie, it's all over now. No! No! Oh! Ollie! OLIVER: I'm sorry, Eve. [Oliver pushes the pillow over Eve's face and smothers her to death] EVE: Mmph mmph! ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Cami is helping Father Kieran make his final preparations] CAMI: Everything is where you said it would be except that key you mentioned. That's the one thing I couldn't find. It's the one you usually wear around your neck? KIERAN: That key is a very important part of our family legacy. You have to find it. CAMI: I will, I promise. KIERAN: I am so sorry. I never wanted to involve you in this, in any of it. CAMI: This can't be how it ends. KIERAN: It was the only way it was ever going to end. I made peace with that a long time ago. Listen. I don't know how bad this is gonna get, and I don't want you to see it. So, in a moment, I'm gonna let go, and you are gonna turn around, and you are gonna walk out of here without looking back. Okay, kiddo? Promise me. Without looking back. [Cami walks out of the attic, sobbing, as Kieran tearfully watches her go] THE BAYOU [Outside, a bonfire burns as Oliver is passionately trying to convince everyone to fight back against the vampires, using his manufactured stunt. Elijah watches him speak as Hayley joins him] OLIVER: [shouting nearby] They are counting on our doubts. That's right! Yeah! They are counting on our fears! That's right! Right! HAYLEY: [to Elijah] You stayed. OLIVER: Come morning, they will know that we are not cowards. HAYLEY: [confused] What's going on? What is he doing? OLIVER: We are not afraid! ELIJAH: He's making a move for power in the wake of tragedy. He's not alone. There was another attck after you left. HAYLEY: What? [Hayley rushes into the shack, where Jackson is sitting with Eve's dad body, devastated] ELIJAH: [voiceover] Your friend Jackson will need your help. They will want vengeance. Blood for blood, And, unfortunately, in troubled times, people do not look for the best. But rather the loudest. OLIVER: Hey! Hey! THE CAULDRON [Klaus visits Genevieve at the Cauldron after leaving Cami and Kieran] GENEVIEVE: I'm surprised to see you here. KLAUS: The bayou explsin, the attck on my child. Tell me what you know. GENEVIEVE: I know the wolves have no shortage of enemies. Marcel, for one. KLAUS: Marcel wouldn't stoop so low. The witches, however... I have witnessed firsthand the depths of your cruelty. GENEVIEVE: You don't think I did this? What kind of monster do you take me for? How ugly I must seem next to the pure, innocent glow of your precious Camille. So sad about her uncle, by the way. KLAUS: Kieran is in transition. He has been released from the hex. GENEVIEVE: A hex of that magnitude? Kieran's hex will return... If it hasn't already. ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [As Kieran is dying, he begins having hallucinations about Sean again. He pulls a blade out of a cross, and is about to slit his throat when he hallucinates Bastianna again] BASTIANNA: No! Not yet, priest. There's more work to be done, a final offering to complete your penance--that which you hold most dear. THE CAULDRON GENEVIEVE: That boundary spell, on the other hand, now that he's died, I imagine it won't be quite so confining anymore. [Klaus glares at Genevieve, who smirks] ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [Cami is waiting downstairs in the main room of the church when Kieran comes down to find her] CAMI: Have you changed your mind? KIERAN: [evilly] Yes. It appears I have. [Kieran pulls out his Knfe and slices at Cami's arms as she tries to run away] CAMI: Oh! Aah! Aah! [He chases Cami up into the balcony. Kieran licks the blood off of his blade, and fully vamps-out. Left with nowhere else to go, Cami throws herself off the balcony and falls onto the ground below. She crawls in between the pews as he stalks after heri] KIERAN: Don't fight it, Cami. In death, we are whole again. CAMI: Ah! Aah! BASTIANNA: Bless her, father. kll her. SEAN: Rejoice in life eternal. [After much fighting, Klaus appears out of nowhere and kills Kieran in order to save Cami] KLAUS: You deserved far better than this. MARCEL'S HIDEOUT [Marcel receives a phonecall from Klaus] MARCEL: Klaus, you need to know I had nothing to do with that business out in the bayou today. KLAUS: I never thought you did. I'm calling to let you know the priest is dad. Your exile is suspended for the next 24 hours. You may return to the Quarter to bury your friend. MARCEL: Why are you doing this? KLAUS: [referencing Cami] She woke in the dark not knowing where she was, or who was watching over her. It was your name she called, and if you can grant her comfort, so be it. [As he speaks, we flashback to Klaus carrying a battered Cami home to her apartment. Klaus opens her front door to allow Marcel entry, and he to Cami's bedroom to comfort her. Klaus watches them both sadly from the living room] THE BAYOU [Hayley cries and kisses Eve's hand before leaving the shack. Outside, she finds Oliver continuing to rile up the rest of the wolves] OLIVER: Look, I know where I'm going. If any of you want to follow, hey, that's up to you. That's up to you! MARCEL'S HIDEOUT [Marcel comes downstairs to find Diego and Josh in his living room] MARCEL: Kieran is dad. [to Josh] Did you get it? JOSH: [sighs and reluctantly hands a key on a necklace to Marcel] It was around his neck, just like you said. [frowns] P. S. I do not feel awesome about this. MARCEL: I know But people are gonna be coming after this. Cami is not ready for that, not yet. DIEGO: So, what now? MARCEL: Storm clouds are gathering. [pours each of them a drink] Someone bmb those wolves, and we know it wasn't us. Witches, humans, vampires, wolves. City is at a breaking point. We need to be ready. [They all drink] THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Klaus joins Elijah in the study] KLAUS: First Marcel's mssacre, now b*mb in the bayou. I'll assume you're ready to give up this doomed treaty. ELIJAH: This alliance with the wolves, well, if it is to succeed, I believe you'll want this. [He hands Klaus Esther's grimoire] KLAUS: Seems I have Hayley to thank for your change of heart. ELIJAH: [pours them drinks] The rifts in this city run far deeper than I even imagined, Niklaus. These tribes, these factions--they're families, families who choose to fight. Mayhem has descended upon our home, and if I'm to choose a side...[hands Klaus a drink, and holds his out to toast them] To our victory, brother. END CREDITS Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x19 - An Unblinking Death"}	foreverdreaming
ST. ANN'S CHURCH (Dream Sequence) [The citizens of the French Quarter all prepare themselves for Father Kieran's funeral service. A long line of community members and family, including Cami, Francesca, Genevieve, and Marcel, make their way to Father Kieran's open casket to pay their respects. Klaus arrives late, and by the time he reaches the casket, everyone else at the service is already seated in the pews. He greets Cami and gives her a kiss on the cheek before going to give his respects to Father Kieran. However, when he opens the casket, Father Kieran is gone, and in his place is a baby. The baby coos at him, and he smiles] KLAUS: Hi. [Klaus reaches down to pick the baby up, but before he can, a squishing noise is heard, and blood pours from Klaus' mouth. He's been staked from behind with the indestructible white oak stake. When Klaus turns around, Mikael is standing there, grinning. He grabs Klaus in a chokehold] MIKAEL: [sneers] Greetings, boy. [Klaus awakens with a start in his bedroom in the Abattoir compound. After gasping for a few moments, he lies back down in bed] OPENING CREDITS & TITLE CARD PARK [Genevieve, Monique, Davina, and Abigail walk through a park as Genevieve continues to lecture the girls on magic and the supernatural] GENEVIEVE: New Orleans is full of ghosts. Our dad are always here, hovering. When supernatural creatures die, they're doomed to spend eternity alone, watching the world go on without them. Of course, that's not the case with the ancestral witches. We linger in a different way: consecrated in the earth, replenishing its power. DAVINA: ...What about humans? GENEVIEVE: [hesitates] Some find peace. Some...don't. [bat] I have to make an appearance at the priest's wake. You three head back to the Le Sais, take some time to think about those spirits who might still be walking alongside you. [Davina and Abigail take their leave, but Monique follows Genevieve as she walks to the funeral service] MONIQUE: I don't know why we're supposed to care about Kieran O'Connell. GENEVIEVE: We care, because when a pillar of our community passes, Monique, you call a cease-fre and pay your respects. MONIQUE: Or, you just want to see Klaus. You two are getting cozy. GENEVIEVE: I need the Mikaelsons to trust me so I can get close enough-- MONIQUE: --To kll their baby? GENEVIEVE: [frustrated and annoyed] To fullfill my obligation to our ancestors. Go home, Monique. [Genevieve walks away. Monique frowns as she watches her leave] ROUSSEAU'S--Father Kieran's Wake [At Rousseau's, the Quarter is throwing an Irish-style wake in his honor, complete with Irish music, lots of alcohol, and tons of people who have gathered to share stories of Father Kieran and celebrate his life. Klaus sits alone at a table with a glass of scotch, and is joined by Cami] CAMI: Hey! Earth to you! KLAUS: [notices the wounds on her face] Your face-- CAMI: --Will heal. Listen, I wanted to thank you-- KLAUS: [holds up glass] --Unless you've come equipped with the means to fill this, no additional platitudes are necessary. CAMI: Okay... I'm in a crap mood because my uncle just died, and people are partying like it's Mardi Gras. What's your excuse? [notices Klaus scowling] Klaus, seriously, what's going on? KLAUS: I've been having these dreams about my dad father. No diagnosis necessary, love. I've already got this one covered: my fears of fatherhood, of scarring my child as my father scarred me, are manifesting as nightmares. [smiles fakely and takes a long drink] It's horrifically cliche. CAMI: Truthfully? I'm just surprised to hear you acknowledge out loud that you're going to be a dad. Your baby mama has been living out in the bayou for months, it's not exactly What To Expect When You're Expecting. [Marcel enters the bar, which Klaus notices as he listens to Cami speak] KLAUS: [to Cami] I know more about the trials of fatherhood than you might imagine, Camille. CAMI: [sees Marcel walk up to the bar] And it worked out for you so well the first time, why change a thing? [leaves table] [Klaus catches Marcel's eye across the restaurant, which triggers a memory/flashback] FLASHBACK: 1830s New Orleans [Klaus enters the Governor's home for a meeting, with young Marcel in tow behind him] GOVERNOR: Well, I see you've come to return some stolen property. KLAUS: On the contrary, I've decided the boy shall remain with me. GOVERNOR: Unfortunately, he's not for sale. KLAUS: [walks closer to the Governor] Well, I do not wish to buy him. You will grant him his freedom. GOVERNOR: And if I say no? [Klaus simply raises his eyebrows and grabs the Governor in a choke-hold] KLAUS: You seem to have misinterpreted the matter as up for debate. [Klaus squeezes his throat until the Governor gives up] GOVERNOR: Fine! Take him! [Klaus lets go and backs away to join Marcel on the other side of the room before turning to leave] GOVERNOR: He wasn't worth a damn to me anyway! [Outside, Marcel and Klaus talk about what just occurred] KLAUS: They tell me he is your father. Is it true? [Marcel nods] KLAUS: [walks toward him] You know, my father hated me, too. The truth is, Marcellus, family can be more than just those with whom we share blood. We can choose. [Young Marcel is so touched by Klaus' words, he begins to tear up] PRESENT DAY--Rousseau's [Klaus continues to sulk and drink at his table as he glances over at Marcel. Marcel sees the photos of Father Kieran, Sean, and Cami by the bar, and grabs a bottle of scotch to make a toast to the entire party] MARCEL: I know I haven't been around these parts lately. It's a testament to Father Kieran that we could come together and share a drink, and a story or two. Kieran rolled into town on a rusty old cruiser after his daddy died twenty-five years ago. And damnit, that guy could party! [he and the audience laughs] That was, of course, before he took his vows. But, even then, he was committed to the Quarter. He knew that this town needed him. And, we still do. [he raises his glass] To Father K! AUDIENCE: [murmurs] To Father K. [The party drinks in his honor and goes back to their festivities. Cami becomes overwhelmed by the atmosphere and rushes into the back room to cry and be alone, only to find Francesca there as well] FRANCESCA: [holding a drink] Looks like we had the same idea. It's Cami, right? I've been informed that Kieran's necklace is missing. The key that he always wore? I assume he left it for me. CAMI: [stunned] Excuse me? FRANCESCA: [smiles embarrassedly] How rude of me. I'm Francesca Correa, I took over your uncle's position of Faction representative when his...mental faculties were compromised. CAMI: His faculties weren't compromised, he was hexed. FRANCESCA: Hexed by one of our enemies! Look, I'm invested in protecting the people of this city, and to do that, I need the key. CAMI: [angry] It must have fallen off, during the events that led to his untimely death. I am so sorry. [Cami storms away. As she pushes her way through the party, she passes by Hayley, who notices that she's upset. Hayley watches as Francesca exits the back room and approaches the bar] [Across the room, Klaus and Elijah sit and drink at the table] KLAUS: Seems rather uncivilized, to laugh and dance around the body of a loved one. ELIJAH: [pours himself a drink] Yes, far better to practice your process of grief, Niklaus--denial, rage, and hoarding coffins in basements. [Hayley joins them at the table and sits down between the two brothers] ELIJAH: I will warn you, Hayley, Niklaus is in a spectacularly foul mood today. KLAUS: [drunk] Sod off. HAYLEY: [to Klaus] What's the deal with these moonlight rings? Oliver's trying to set a revolution every five seconds, people are scared, angry, and frankly, I'm tired of stalling. KLAUS: It's a day of peace, Hayley. Try and enjoy it. And, in the meantime, with all manner of unknown enemies conspiring against our family, you'll move back in with us. HAYLEY: [sarcastic] Awesome! Then, we can do that thing where you lock me in the tower, I escape, there's drama, and then you two both realize I'm very capable of looking after myself. KLAUS: [frustrated] The rings are in progress. I will live up to my word. We will find and punish whoever launched the attck on the bayou, and you will return to the compound for your own safety! [Hayley sighs and rolls her eyes] But, right now, [he grabs his bottle of scotch] I'm gonna finish this bottle, [opens bottle] and the next, in the hopes of drowning the demon who has chosen today to haunt me. [looks up at the ceiling] Cheers, Mikael. Impeccable, Freudian timing. [chugs straight from the bottle] ELIJAH: [stunned] Elaborate. [Hayley looks at Elijah and Klaus in concern] ELIJAH: Have you dreamt of our father? KLAUS: Go ahead, have a good laugh. ELIJAH: I can assure you there is no piece of this that I find even remotely amusing, Niklaus. Especially considering I've been dreaming of him, too. KLAUS: What? ELIJAH: [brainstorming] If you are also seeing him...[He stops mid-thought when he notices Genevieve enter Rousseau's. She catches his eye, and smiles] Perhaps our elusive, unknown enemy is orchestrating a further attck? KLAUS: [stares at Genevieve] Well, then. What better way to punctuate a day of peace than by klling someone? [smiles and waves at her] JARDIN GRIS VOODOO SHOP [Genevieve wanders into the Jardin Gris, closing the door behind her. She senses someone's presence, and is startled when Klaus appears behind her] GENEVIEVE: [smiles weakly] You disappeared from the party. ELIJAH: [enters the room, examining an athame] Do you care to explain why you would choose to torment us with visions of our father? GENEVIEVE: [genuinely surprised] Your father? I didn't. I wouldn't! ELIJAH: Of course, how foolish of me. It must have been that other witch that's been parading through our house in scraps of lace. KLAUS: I know how talented you are with your tongue, Genevieve. Might I recommend you use it to provide answers? I would so hate to tear it from your mouth. GENEVIEVE: [laughs nervously] As much as I enjoy these repeated accusations of wrongdoings, I don't know what you're talking about. But, if you've both been seeing your dad father, I can try to get you answers. KLAUS: [strokes Genevieves neck menacingly] Fine. Go. ELIJAH: Niklaus, don't you dare let her-- KLAUS: Go! [Genevieve quickly runs out the door] KLAUS: [walks toward Elijah] You don't trust her, and you're right not to. Only a fool would. But, she certainly wants us to, doesn't she? ELIJAH: Let me guess, there's something of benefit for you in all of this, isn't there? KLAUS: I need a witch to make those rings for the wolves. Perhaps we'll get both answers and cooperation? COVEN HOUSE [Monique, Davina, and Abigail are setting out the ingredients for a spell in the greenhouse] ABIGAIL: I don't know if the ancestors would like us messing around in the spirit world. DAVINA: [smiles] It's just a simple seánce. MONIQUE: [grabs herbs from a shelf] Phony witches do seánces to impress tourists. They're not real! [leaves the room with her herbs] [Davina sets Tim's violin in the middle of a circle she's drawn in chalk on the table, and has scattered salt and herbs in various quadrants around it] ABIGAIL: What's that for? DAVINA: It's my friend Tim's. Come on! What's the point of being a witch if we can't use our magic for stuff like this? [Abigail smiles and nods in agreement, and she and Davina clutch each other's hands in order to share their magic for the spell] ABIGAIL & DAVINA: Elikopte fantomes soliter mouri, vous reveler... [Wind starts to blow around them. Davina cuts her palm with an athame and drips the blood on Tim's violin. All of a sudden, the candles blow out, which scares the girls] DAVINA: Tim? [The song Tim played for Davina on his violin starts to play around them, and the windchime near the window starts to play it as well. A hand wearing a lapis lazuli daylight ring caresses her shoulder from behind. Davina turns to find the hand belonged to Mikael] MIKAEL: What a delightful tune. [Mikael disappears, and all the windows in the greenhouse shatter violently, and broken glass rains down upon the girls, who scream in terror] ROUSSEAU'S [Cami sits down on a chair and props her feet on Father Kieran's casket as she hangs out with Marcel] CAMI: So, Klaus gives you twenty-four hours in the Quarter, and you're spending it coffin-sitting with me? [Marcel hands her a drink] No preparations for wr, no chess pieces to move? MARCEL: [joins her with his own drink] We're honoring Kieran. Even us bad guys can take the night off. CAMI: [rests her feet on Marcel's lap once he sits down] Maybe you can. Not all the humans are on their best behavior. This Francesca person cornered me earlier, asking for some key. MARCEL: [drinks his scotch] What did you tell her? CAMI: Doesn't matter, I don't have it. [realizes Marcel knows more than he's letting on] Which you know! Or you would have asked what key. [Marcel sighs, and reaches under his shirt, where he is wearing the key around his neck] MARCEL: Had Josh lift it for me. CAMI: [angry] Off my uncle's sick and dying body? MARCEL: I'm trying to do you a favor. Trust me, you don't want to be part of any of this. CAMI: [stands up] Trust you? Are you kidding me? MARCEL: Cami, this is bigger than you. CAMI: Don't patronize me, Marcel! Do you know what's bigger than me? My uncle lost his mind, bat the crap out of me, and then died. And now, I have to sit by his body all night-- MARCEL: I'll sit with you. I'm not trying to lie to you, I'm trying to protect you. CAMI: You need to leave. Like now. MARCEL: I will tell you about the key-- CAMI: I don't want to know! I don't want to know any of it! [Marcel looks disappointed as he grabs his coat and leaves. Once he's gone, Cami starts to cry] THE ABATTOIR COMPOUND [Elijah is standing on the balcony when Genevieve approaches him from behind] ELIJAH: Genevieve. GENEVIEVE: I asked around. It's not just your father. The purgatory where supernatural souls are trapped is disintegrating. ELIJAH: What do you mean, "disintegrating?" KLAUS: [enters the room] She's right... more or less. It's actually imploding. A made a call to a rather reluctant Bennett witch in Mystic Falls who said the same thing. The dad are being torn away into nothingness. And, they're not interested in going quietly. ELIJAH: So, you're saying that our father, faced with permanent extinction, has decided to spend his remaining tormenting us? How delightful! KLAUS: Well, on the plus side, we'll soon be rid of his abhorrent soul forever. And what a good riddance that will be! GENEVIEVE: [sighs] So, am I in the clear, Elijah? Or is there a new conspiracy you two would like to thrat me over? ELIJAH: Nothing springs to mind at this precise moment... GENEVIEVE: Oh, gee. Thanks. [stops in front of Klaus before she leaves] I have to get back to the girls. Perhaps tomorrow, after the funeral, you and I could spend some time together. Alone? KLAUS: I suppose we'll have to see. [Genevieve sighs in annoyance and leaves] ELIJAH: Please tell me you've designed a stronger method to control the witch than playing hard-to-get? KLAUS: Well, I've always been partial to the classics... FRANCESCA CORREA'S HOUSE [Hayley sits on Francesca's front porch, waiting until Francesca and her bodyguard return home. When Francesca notices her, she groans, and tries to be polite] FRANCESCA: Ah. Hayley, right? I'm guessing you're not here because you want to make a new friend? HAYLEY: I don't count trrorists as friends. [stands up to face her] FRANCESCA: [chuckles, and turns to her bodyguard] Wow. I've been accused of everything from grand larceny to blackmail, but "trror1st," that's new! HAYLEY: A human pulled up to our home in the bayou on a motorcycle and blew himself up. FRANCESCA: I heard. [grabs her keys and walks to the front door] Awful. Goodnight! [Hayley, annoyed, headbutts her bodyguard before slamming his head into a birdbath and knocking him out. Francesca stares in shock for a moment before smiling fakely at her] HAYLEY: Word on the street is, he owed a hundred grand to the Palace Royale casino! And then, after he died, the debt was erased. Just like magic. FRANCESCA: Jeff was a fixture at my roulette table. Sometimes he was up, sometimes he was down. I absolved his family of the debt he owed out of the goodness of my heart. [Hayley glares at her skeptically, and Francesca shrugs] Feel free to sniff around. My hands are clean! [bat] And, I'd advise you to mind your manners. It's lucky you're still alive. You're the one the wolves all whisper about like royalty. If I was interested in hurting the wolves, you'd be my target. [smiles] And, when I go after someone? I don't miss. [Hayley rolls her eyes and walks out Francesca's front gate. As she walks down the sidewalk, Monique pops out of the shadows and follows her, holding a poppet that is meant to represent Hayley] MONIQUE: [whispers] Purger l'interieur, entiendre la lumiere, [sab the poppet with a pin] dans cette f–. [Hayley senses something weird, but can't identify what it is, so she simply wraps her coat around her tightly and continues walking home, not noticing Monique behind her] THE FRENCH QUARTER--Father Kieran's funeral procession [Hundreds of community members gather in the streets of the French Quarter after the funeral, as Father Kieran's casket is placed in a horse carriage to begin the parade in his honor. Inside St. Anne's Church, Cami is lighting a candle for her uncle at the sacristy when Marcel approaches her] MARCEL: Your reading was beautiful. CAMI: Sneak attck? Not fair. I'm still pissed. [Marcel has no words, and just smiles at her] CAMI: Tell me about the key. MARCEL: I thought you said you didn't want to know. CAMI: I'd like to say I slept on it, but I didn't sleep. I stayed awake all night next to the body of a hexed priest, only to attend a funeral filled with vampires. So, I'm thinking...you should tell me about the key. MARCEL: [glances around to make sure no one is listening] Kieran told me that the key leads to something that can be used against the supernaturals if we get...too far out of line. Kieran and I had our ups and downs, but we trusted each other. So, I let it be, because I knew if he had to use whatever Pandora's box that key opens, it'd be because he didn't have a choice. CAMI: [turns to face him] You could have just asked me for it. MARCEL: Would you have just handed it over? CAMI: [crosses her arms angrily] So, what does it open? MARCEL: I don't know! I turned this city upside-down last night trying to find it. The church, the rectory, I even searched your family's tomb! It's hard to find a needle in a haystack when you don't even know what the needle looks like. CAMI: And you want to know if I have any ideas. That's why you're here! MARCEL: [sighs, and reaches behind her to light his own candle] I'm here because my friend died, and my other friend is grieving. You can question my intentions all day long, Cami. I'm here for Kieran, and I'm here for you. [Outside, the funeral procession is walking down the street to the sounds of the jazz music being played, behind the priests acting as pallbearers for Father Kieran. Near the end of the parade is Klaus, Elijah, and Hayley, the latter of whom is flushed, and keeps having coughing fits] ELIJAH: You alright? You look-- HAYLEY: --A hundred months pregnant and pissed off at the world? ELIJAH: [smiles] I was going to say you look lovely. [Hayley notices Francesca a couple yards in front of them, who is pretending to wipe tears from her face with a tissue] HAYLEY: Do you think I was the target of those bmb? KLAUS: Of course you were the target! Were I to wage a wr on the wolves, you'd be my first kll! I would string you up, for all your worshippers to see. [Hayley glares at him] ELIJAH: I believe that was my brother's way of telling you he'd like you to return home with us. [to Klaus] Perhaps try a different approach, Niklaus, with fewer references to mrder? KLAUS: As much as I would hate to throw you over my shoulder, and drag you kicking and screaming to the compound, we both know I will, [smiles] for the sake of my child. HAYLEY: One bad dream, and suddenly, you want to be a responsible daddy! [Klaus wraps his arm around Hayley and pulls her close, leaving Elijah standing awkwardly beside them] KLAUS: [whispers] Let me put this into perspective: my father lived to torment me. It is not my intention to become him. This cycle of misery ends with my child. HAYLEY: Mmm. [yanks his arm away from her with a fake smile] You forgot one thing in your little attempt to plead your case-- she's not your child. She's ours. [Hayley walks away from the brothers and starts walking down the sidewalk] ELIJAH: Very heartfelt, Niklaus. KLAUS: I bloody hate funerals. [Hayley sees Cami walking near the front of the procession, and runs to catch up with her] HAYLEY: Cami! CAMI: Hayley, hi. HAYLEY: Hi, I know you don't know me, I just wanted to say that--[she coughs and clears her throat] I'm sorry about your uncle. He was really...good to people like me during the storm, and I really appreciated that. CAMI: Thank you. [she realizes why Hayley is here] You want something, do you? HAYLEY: [smiles awkwardly] I'm sorry about the timing...I was just wondering, if before he died, he said anything weird about Francesca Correa? I think that she may have been involved in an attck in the bayou. If you hear anything-- CAMI: Look, Hayley? I'm trying--mostly failing--to stay out of all this stuff, but...she's a real bitch, so, yeah, if I hear anything, I'll let you know. HAYLEY: Thanks. And again, sorry about your uncle. CAMI: You, too. [As Hayley walks away, she starts to cough, and looks woozy. She leans against a lightpost as she begins to cough up blood. Horrified, she continues to cough, and Genevieve, who has just noticed Hayley's condition, shouts for Klaus to come help her. As Klaus and Elijah rush to help her, she collapses on the sidewalk] THE ABATTOIR COMPOUND [Klaus and Elijah carry Hayley into the compound and lay her on a table. Genevieve is with them, in hopes of helping] GENEVIEVE: I can help-- ELIJAH: [pushes her away from the table] Don't you touch her! KLAUS: Let it be, Elijah. She was a nurse. GENEVIEVE: There's a spell I can do. Klaus, get chamomile from the pantry. [she looks at Hayley, who is barely conscious] She's trembling. Your jacket, Elijah. ELIJAH: [removes his jacket and lays it over Hayley] She's not breathing, I can hear the baby's heartbeat, but not hers. [Genevieve checks Hayley's pulse, and the scene suddenly changes to the blue-hue that indicates someone is on the Other Side. Hayley awakens on the table, but the room is completely empty, except for one other person--Mikael. He walks toward her, and Hayley automatically backs away from him] HAYLEY: Who are you? MIKAEL: [smirks] I suppose I'm family. LAFAYETTE CEMETERY--Kieran's burial [A priest gives a homily at the O'Connell family tomb, as Cami and the rest of the community gathers around him, and a caretaker lays the bricks in front of Father Kieran's body] PRIEST: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God. He was with God in the beginning. In Him was Life, and that Life was the Light of all Mankind. The Light shines in the Darkness, and the Darkness has not overcome it. [Cami becomes overwhelmed and leaves to take a walk. Marcel notices she's upset, and follows her to Sean's grave] MARCEL: Cami. CAMI: Sean didn't have a funeral. Our parents wanted nothing to do with him, so the city had him buried out here with the criminals and the John Does. The great unloved. [bat] You said you checked my family's tomb, but I've been thinking--all this time, I've wondered why Kieran didn't have Sean interred where he belonged, with the family. But then, I realized...what if he saw an opportunity to hide something he didn't want anyone else to find? MARCEL: Cami, we can do this another time... CAMI: Bad timing is the theme of the day. [Cami looks at Sean's grave, and his headstone has the same Bible quote the priest had just referenced: "Light shines in the Darkness, and the Darkness has not overcome it - John 1:5"] CAMI: [sighs] I'm going to need a sledgehammer. THE ABATTOIR COMPOUND/THE OTHER SIDE [Genevieve presses damp bundle of chamomile against Hayley's forehead and chants a spell in French/Creole] GENEVIEVE: Coeur la sais patri avec mwen. Coeur la sais patri avec mwen. [Klaus, frustrated and scared, bites into his wrist and dribbles in into Hayley's mouth in hopes that it will heal her] KLAUS: Come on! [he looks at Elijah in fear] ELIJAH: She's still not breathing. It's not working! [He angrily throws a table against the brick wall, shattering it into pieces] [On the Other Side, Hayley is scared, and backing away from Mikael as he approaches her] MIKAEL: I assume my reputation precedes me. HAYLEY: This is a nightmare. I'm dreaming. MIKAEL: On the contrary, my darling-- this is very real. [He vamp-speeds over to Hayley and puts her in a headlock, and Hayley gasps in fright] MIKAEL: Welcome to my hell, stuck in an eternity of watching over that hideous creature my children call brother! HAYLEY: [terrified] You're dad! How can I be here? [realizes where she is] Oh my god! NO! [thrashes around in his hold] Noo! The baby! MIKAEL: The baby? [Hayley screams again] That kid never had a chance! And as if your bloodline isn't filth enough, you poison it by merging it with Klaus'? [laughs manically] The deathless vermin, fancying himself a daddy? [Hayley's eyes turn lupine-gold, and she shrieks as she pushes herself out of his grip and breaks his arm by twisting it behind his back. Then, she picks up a coat rack and swings it at his head with all the force she can muster] HAYLEY: She's not dad! I'm not dad! If I was dad, you wouldn't be trying to kll me! [In the present, Elijah is pacing at Hayley's bedside as Genevieve continues to work her spell] GENEVIEVE: Couer la sais patri avec mwen. ELIJAH: [moves to pick up Hayley] I'm taking her to a real doctor. GENEVIEVE: If you move her from here, my spell will break. There won't be enough time to get her to a hospital. KLAUS: [frantic] Will the baby survive if delivered now? [lunges for Hayley's body] I'll rip it out of her myself! [Elijah blocks Klaus from touching Hayley] GENEVIEVE: Hayley will bleed to death! KLAUS: I won't lose that baby. ELIJAH: I won't lose either of them. GENEVIEVE: [mutters] Patri avec mwen. Coeur la sais patri avec mwen. [Genevieve gets a vision of Monique using the poppet to cast the spell on Hayley, and is stunned] GENEVIEVE: I know what to do. Get my bag, the gris-gris pouch! Now! [Hayley continues to lay still on the table, as Genevieve dabs a wet cloth on her head] [On the Other Side, Hayley and Mikael are still facing off] HAYLEY: You're dad, Mikael. Your son already bat you! MIKAEL: HE is NOT MY SON! He's a scourge, a walking symbol of weakness! [In the present, Genevieve spreads salt around Hayley on the table as she continues to get visions of Monique doing the original spell] [On the Other Side, Hayley kicks at the bannister to the staircase to break off a piece of wood to use as a stake, and makes her way up the stairs as Mikael continues to stalk her menacingly] MIKAEL: There is no saving that atrocity festering in your womb. Klaus will destroy it, one way or another. Better he dies now, and you along with it! [Mikael jumps up onto the second floor balcony, startling Hayley] [In the present, Genevieve crushes herbs with her fingers and spreads them over Hayley's body] [Hayley jumps down onto the first floor, so Mikael jumps down to follow her. She spins around rapidly and rushes behind him, sab him in the heart with the stake from behind] MIKAEL: Ahhhhhh! HAYLEY: My daughter has an advantage Klaus never had-- she will never, ever know you. [Hayley awakes with a loud gasp on the table, Klaus' blood still covering her mouth and neck. Elijah helps her sit up, and Klaus rubs her shoulder affectionately] KLAUS: You're alright, love. You're alright. HAYLEY: I saw him. He tried to kll me. I saw Mikael. THE ABATTOIR--Hayley's bedroom [Hayley is sitting on her bed, thinking, when Klaus approaches her room. She notices him, but he still stops and knocks before he fully entering] KLAUS: You've proved quite resilient, little wolf. Fighters, both of you. HAYLEY: I guess we've had to be. Especially lately. [She looks at Klaus, but he is speechless] HAYLEY: I've decided that I'm going to move back in. KLAUS: [softens] Well, I'm relieved to hear it. HAYLEY: But no mouth-breathing bodyguards, no telling me what to do. KLAUS: [smiles] All I ask is that the child is kept safe. HAYLEY: And what about me? What happens after she's born? If you try to take her away from me, I-- KLAUS: --Come with me, hm? [He heads out the door, but stops when he sees she isn't following him] Please. I want to show you something. [Hayley reluctantly gets up and follows Klaus out the door. He takes her to another room in the compound, which he has already set up to be a nursery, complete with a crib, a basinet, and a gorgeous mobile hanging from the ceiling, among other things. Hayley stares in surprise as she takes everything in] KLAUS: Believe it or not, Hayley, I would actually like you to be here. Our daughter should be raised by her parents, in her family home. HAYLEY: [touches the crystals hanging from the mobile] You, me, Elijah, and miracle-baby, all under one roof? Sounds like a bad reality show. [smiles affectionately] KLAUS: [chuckles nervously] Uh, you said you saw my father. HAYLEY: Why do you call him that? He's not your real dad. KLAUS: He's done damage only a father could do. [bat] What did he say to you? HAYLEY: [smiles warmly] Nothing true. [Klaus considers this for a moment, and then genuinely smiles before leaving the room. Hayley looks at the wall, on which Klaus has hung the painting he made of New Orleans, with a large full moon painted in the sky] THE FRENCH QUARTER [The celebration of Father Kieran's life is still going strong, as people drink and dance in the streets to the marching band playing jazz music. Elijah is watching the action from the balcony of the compound when Genevieve finds him] GENEVIEVE: Hayley and the baby are fine. I'd take her to a doctor once she's gotten some rest, if you want, but she's in the clear. [She waits for a response, but when Elijah remains silent, she sighs] I'll see myself out. ELIJAH: Genevieve. Thank you for your help. GENEVIEVE: [surprised] You're welcome. ELIJAH: You tore my sister from my family. I cannot forgive that. However, I may be inclined to show a degree more kindness if you could help me with a slight...issue. GENEVIEVE: Anything. ELIJAH: When the baby arrives, Hayley will once again transform with the full moon. Now, I would like to create for her a gift, a ring of empowerment, something to control this...curse. GENEVIEVE: [confused] What kind of spell would-- ELIJAH: A spell of my mother's, from her grimoire. Which, as I understand, you have been rather eager to obtain. [Genevieve grins slyly in agreement] LAFAYETTE CEMETERY [Marcel and Cami are breaking into Sean's grave in order to look for the object with the lock that is unlocked by Kieran's key. Once inside, they find a box, and pull it out. Marcel uses the key to unlock it, but the box is empty] MARCEL: Someone must have gotten to it. [Marcel sets the box back in the grave, but Cami grabs it again to examine it more closely] CAMI: I don't think so. [She brushes the dust off the inside of the lid, revealing a carving in the code Cami used to help get around Klaus' compulsion] My brother taught me this code fifteen years ago. I never knew how he learned it. MARCEL: [shocked] You can tell me what that says? CAMI: I can...but I won't. I'm sorry. MARCEL: Cami, this is too-- CAMI: --Dangerous? Yeah, I got it. But, if Kieran taught Sean this, my brother was meant to be brought into it all along. That makes it my responsibility now, whether I like it or not. COVEN HOUSE [Genevieve runs into Monique when she returns home, and grabs her angrily by the arm] GENEVIEVE: What the hell did you do to Hayley? MONIQUE: I was trying to do what the ancestors asked! GENEVIEVE: That baby is part-witch! The ancestors want her consecrated to the earth so her magic can fuel our community! She has to be born first, before she can die! [She smacks Monique on the shoulder] Leave. I don't want to look at you. [Monique glares at her and angrily stomps away. Once she leaves, Genevieve rushes around the room, gathering ingredients for a spell. She pours salt in a circle around a bouquet of dried flowers. As she chants, she takes off her gold necklace and places it on the table with the rest of the components for her spell] GENEVIEVE: [chants] Nouveau vie, nouveau an, me longe avec nous on cette. Miséricorde, don't make me do this. [starts to cry] She's a baby. Don't make me a monster! Please... [The wind starts to blow violently around her, and blood starts to drip from her eyes and nose] GENEVIEVE: No! [An invisible force throws Genevieve into the air, where she slams against a tomb before being pushed forward, where she smacks her face against another tomb. She groans in pain and grabs her nose as the whispering spirits of the coven's ancestors start to grow louder and louder around her. Blood begins to gush from her nose and mouth, and Genevieve begins to plead with them] GENEVIEVE: No! No! [looks up at the sky] I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'll do it! [her face continues to bleed] I'll do whatever you want! THE FRENCH QUARTER [The marching band continues to play in the streets as the party rages on. Children and adults alike dance in the street with umbrellas as Klaus and Elijah stand on the sidewalk and watch from outside the compound] KLAUS: Hayley has agreed to return home to us...with her own free will. [Klaus notices Marcel standing nearby] KLAUS: When Mikael is truly gone, do you think then I'll find peace? ELIJAH: I certainly hope so. Although, it's not only our father who haunts you, Niklaus. [Klaus rolls his eyes at him] You might want to make peace with the living. [Elijah pats him on the back before he takes off. Klaus watches Marcel from across the street, which causes him to flashback to the 1830s] FLASHBACK--New Orleans, 1835 [Marcel is having an argument with the Governor, his father, outside of his plantation, as many of his slaves continue to be beaten like he was] MARCEL: I demand to know why their freedom has not been granted! All necessary authorities have ruled in their favor! GOVERNOR: You think I don't remember you, boy? Have they turned you into one of them, yet? [Marcel remains silent, and the Governor laughs] I thought not. [The Governor gestures to one of his slve masters, who whips a slve right in front of Marcel. Before the man can do it again, Marcel rushes over and tackles the man before violently punching him in the face. When Marcel gets up to return to the Governor, Marcel is sht by him with a pstol in the chest] END OF FLASHBACK THE FRENCH QUARTER--Present Day [Marcel notices Klaus staring at him, and stares right back] FLASHBACK--New Orleans, 1835 [Klaus has found Marcel on a neighbor's front porch, dying from his wounds] KLAUS: [bites into his wrist and offers it to Marcel] Here, let me heal you. MARCEL: No. You always said we choose our family. So, what am I to you, Klaus? You made me a promise when you daggered your sister. It's finally time to make a choice. Turn me now, or let me die. KLAUS: [panicked] You do not know what you ask of me! Becoming like me! It would rob you of all that makes you good. MARCEL: [near tears] I know what you are. Who you are. This is what I want! Please! [Klaus considers this for a moment, and takes a deep breath before biting his wrist again and offering it to Marcel. Marcel drinks several gulps of his blood to heal, and then Klaus snaps his neck] END FLASHBACK THE FRENCH QUARTER--Present Day [Klaus watches as Marcel turns and walks away. Marcel walks down a dark alley, only to find Klaus waiting for him at the end] KLAUS: Your furlough ends when the clock strikes. MARCEL: I'm aware. Don't worry! I intend to be far away from here by then. But, just because I'm across the river, doesn't mean I'm not in the game. [points at the sky] Full moon's coming. I know you're up to something with the wolves, and I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what. And any way I do the math, it ends with me and my guys dad. [Klaus stares at Marcel blankly] Or, maybe we're supposed to fall in line, pledge our allegiance to you all over again, so if we get bitten, you might deign to cure us. Is that what you're after? 'Cause it's not gonna happen. KLAUS: [smirks] Well, that will be your choice, just as you chose to bring my father to town. You, who knows better than anyone, the specific agony of a father's hatred. MARCEL: Klaus-- KLAUS: [shouts] I spent decades trying to make up for what your father did! [composes himself] How did I fail? MARCEL: Maybe the scars just ran too deep. [The two stare at each other for a long moment until Klaus decides to leave] KLAUS: Goodnight, Marcellus. MARCEL: [waits until Klaus is almost gone] You didn't fail me. You raised me. You taught me everything that I know. You taught me that I can't afford to be weak. Not when my enemies are stronger. So, whatever it is you've got coming with the wolves, just know that I'm gonna fight for my guys. I'm gonna fight for my city. [shouts] And, I will FIGHT until I am dad! KLAUS: [stares him in the eyes] I would expect nothing less. [Klaus storms away, leaving Marcel alone in the alley] THE ABATTOIR--Hayley's bedroom [Hayley watches the party winding down from her balcony as Elijah enters the room behind her] HAYLEY: If I died and someone threw a party, I would be so pissed. [smiles] ELIJAH: [walks closer to her] You almost did. In a thousand years, I can't recall a time I felt so...frightened. [Hayley says nothing, and Elijah instinctively goes to run away. Hayley turns around to stop him] HAYLEY: Elijah... [After a moment of hesitation, she kisses him passionately. They break away, both of them keeping their eyes closed. When Hayley finally opens her eyes, Elijah has vanished. She smiles] COVEN HOUSE [Davina organizes herbs in the greenhouse when the wind starts blwing through the broken windows. When she looks down at her bandaged hand, she sees that her palm has gn bleeding again in the same wound she used in her seánce spell earlier. She turns when she starts to hear Tim's song in the windchimes, and all the candles and lights in the room flicker] DAVINA: [scared] Tim? Is that you? [She turns around to see Mikael's form flickering in front of her] DAVINA: Who are you? MIKAEL: Your friend Timothy has moved on, Davina. I'm truly sorry for what my son did to him. DAVINA: You're Klaus' father? MIKAEL: And I'm the only one who can rid you of him forever. But first, my little witch, I need you. DAVINA: [confused] What can I do? MIKAEL: [smiles] You can bring me back to life. END CREDITS Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x20 - A Closer Walk with Thee"}	foreverdreaming
[Jackson and Oliver are driving to the French Quarter to deliver the stones needed for the moonlight rings] OLIVER: [looks at a duffel bag in the backseat] Lot of driving for a bag of rocks. JACKSON: We'll be in the Quarter by dawn. OLIVER: You sure the hybrid will do his part? JACKSON: [smiles] Hayley will make sure of that. OLIVER: [sarcastic] Yeah, I forgot your fiancée's got him wrapped around her finger. JACKSON: You know, Ollie, I love you like a brother, but if you don't lay off Hayley, we're gonna have a problem. OLIVER: Pay attention, Romeo. [A short distance away from them, two police cruisers are blocking the road, which forces Oliver and Jackson to stop. They are at least a half dozen police officers standing in front of the cruisers. Jackson and Oliver become extremely nervous] JACKSON: Alright, relax. Ain't done anything. [Jackson rolls down his window and sticks his head out to talk to the officers] JACKSON: Evenin', officers! OFFICER: Step out of the car. Both of you. JACKSON: [confused] What's this about? [All of the officers pull out their gn and gn and aim them at Jackson and Oliver, which scares them. Marcel and Diego appear behind them] MARCEL: [smiles widely] I think you should do what the man says. [bat] Before things take a nasty turn. [Jackson and Oliver glare at them] TITLE CARD & OPENING CREDITS FRENCH QUARTER PARK [Josh is wearing sunglasses and sitting outside on a park bench with Davina, who looks worried] JOSH: Have I told you that you're awesome? 'Cause you are! I'm with the sun, [looks at his hand] daylight rings...[notices a cute boy running and checks him out] that guy jogging in a tnk top... DAVINA: Josh? JOSH: Hmm? DAVINA: Now that you have a ring, I think you need to leave town. JOSH: Whoa! [takes off sunglasses] Wait, we're breaking up? DAVINA: I'm serious! JOSH: I know! Serious is kind of your default setting. Which is why you need me around to lighten you up! Ergo--not leaving. [Davina looks past Josh and notices Mikael, standing on the sidewalk across the street. She's startled, but when she tries to look again, he's gone. Josh notices she's distracted] JOSH: [concerned] Hey, you okay? DAVINA: Just witch stuff. [bat] Marcel came to me yesterday. He wanted a cloaking spell. He's going to make a move against Klaus. A big move. JOSH: [frowns] Wow, okay. Guess he forgot to call me. Rude! Did you help him? DAVINA: Yes, because I didn't want him to get klled, but if Klaus finds out, then-- JOSH: --Hey! Look, if Marcel's got a plan, maybe Klaus will buy a clue, realize he's a negative on the popularity chart, and go into vampire retirement? I hear Palm Springs is nice! [Davina worriedly looks over to where Mikael's ghost was standing, but he's no longer there] DAVINA: Klaus isn't the only thing we need to be afraid of. [Josh frowns in confusion] Look, if there's a wr coming, promise me you'll go before you get caught up in it. [Josh smiles sadly and nods in agreement] THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [In Klaus' study, Klaus has given Genevieve the pages of Esther's grimoire that contain the moonlight ring spell. She examines it as Klaus watches] GENEVIEVE: Your mother's spell is as complicated as it is elegant. She was clearly a very gifted witch. KLAUS: [snatches the page from her hand and points at it] Is this the bit, here? GENEVIEVE: [snatches it back] Hey! Like I said, it's complicated. She bound protection magic to black hyanite stones. A werewolf with the stones is free from turning on a full moon. KLAUS: And what of the improvements? GENEVIEVE: This spell will enhance speed, strength, and agility. KLAUS: There should be something in there about fangs, it's what our mother used on us when she turned us into vampires. GENEVIEVE: Not just fangs--you said you want venom, so the bite is still lethal to vampires. [Klaus smiles, as Genevieve lays the pages carefully onto the table] GENEVIEVE: Here. [slightly jealous] It should make a nice gift. I'm sure Hayley will be thrilled. KLAUS: Not just Hayley. You'll be making quite a few of these. Lets call it an even hundred. GENEVIEVE: [frowns] That's not the deal I made with Elijah. KLAUS: Well, you're dealing with me now. [croches down to whisper in her ear] And I am offering considerably more. GENEVIEVE: You think because I sleep with you, I'm suddenly at your beck and call? KLAUS: Because you sleep with me, love, I will protect you from those who might do you harm, including my brother. Because I need you, however, I'm prepared to offer something more valuable than my protection. GENEVIEVE: Which is what? KLAUS: My mother's grimoire, from which I took these spells. You see, Elijah is offering you a mere peek at these pages, but I will grant it to you as a gift. If you pledge your loyalty to me, beginning with the creation of those rings. GENEVIEVE: [shakes her head incredulously] This has been your plan all along! You want to build a werewolf army, and you're using me to do it! KLAUS: [places his hand on hers] Sweetheart, I'm not the enemy. Nor the wolves. Your abusive coven expects you to sacrifice yourself for the last of the Harvest girls. [cups her face in his hands] Do this one favor for me, and you need never fear anyone ever again. ROUSSEAU'S [Cami is working on cracking the code that Father Kieran left for her in the box that his key opens, when several men in suits come in and start clearing out the customers. Cami sees what they're doing and goes over to find out what's going on] CAMI: Hey. HEY! What are you-- FRANCESCA: [walks into the restaurant] I tried to be nice about this... [Cami quickly stuffs the notepad she was writing in into her back pocket] CAMI: Who the hell do you think you are? FRANCESCA: I am the new owner of this...[looks around in distaste] gumbo shack. Ink's not dry on the contract, yet, but I can tell you I got it cheap. Business is not what it used to be, since Sophie Deveraux kicked the bucket. [One of her security guards locks the restaurant door so no one can get in or out. Cami is nervous] CAMI: Look, I don't want any trouble. FRANCESCA: I don't really care what you want. Let's talk about what I want. CAMI: Right. My uncle's key. FRANCESCA: Mmhmm. CAMI: You said you were going to use it to protect the innocents of the city? Seems pretty ironic, considering your line of work. FRANCESCA: [smiles fakely] I'm a legitimate businesswoman who's never been convicted of a crime. [circles around Cami] And, as leader of the Human Faction, that key is mine. I gave you time to mourn. Now, time's up! CAMI: Message received. Let me just go find that key I don't have. FRANCESCA: My family's been in New Orleans a long time, Cami. Even longer than yours! And we've learned it's a very hard city to get by in if you don't have any friends. I'd like to be your friend. So I'm going to give you until tomorrow. And after that, I won't be so friendly. [Francesca smiles coldly and leaves with her security team, as Cami stares] THE DOCKS--Thierry's Warehouse [Marcel and Diego have brought Jackson and Oliver to Thierry's old warehouse at the docks. Jackson and Oliver are each bound to a chair, and both are bruised and bloody from being beaten. Diego is violently punching Oliver in the face] JACKSON: Leave him alone! MARCEL: We'll leave your boy alone when you tell us what Klaus is up to. JACKSON: How the hell should I know what he's up to? MARCEL: See, I know you've been meeting him. The stones in your duffel bag? [kneels down in front of Jackson to look him in the eye] That's black hyanite. It's pretty rare. I also know enough about witchcraft to recognize the ingredients of a spell. [Jackson glares at Marcel angrily] MARCEL: So, you'll make me ask again? [Jackson sneers at him] Okay. [Marcel backs away from them and looks at Diego, who grabs a blowtorch and walks over to them] DIEGO: You wanna know the problem with having two werewolf hostages? You really only need one. [he lights the blowtorch, and Oliver and Jackson's eyes widen in alarm] MARCEL: You Crescent boys, you think you're a bunch of badasses, but back in '25, I wiped out a whole bloodline of Guerrera werewolves. They were a LOT tougher than you. [Diego grabs Oliver by the hair and goes to aim the lit blowtorch at his face when Jackson finally stops him] JACKSON: Wait! [Diego looks over at Marcel, who gestures at him to hold off. Diego lets go of Oliver] JACKSON: You let him go, I'll tell you about the stones, about Klaus, whatever. MARCEL: Alright! Alright. A deal's a deal. But, since Nirvana here is gonna turn into a wolf in about eight hours, D, drop his ass off way out into the bayou. DIEGO: Do I at least get to kll this fool? [gestures toward Jackson] MARCEL: [looks at Jackson, who sneers at him] Nah, I got a better idea. THE FRENCH QUARTER--Rooftop [Klaus is scaling the rooftops of various buildings in the French Quarter when Elijah calls him from the Abbatoir, with Hayley] KLAUS: Yes, brother, what is it? ELIJAH: It appears our wolves have gone astray, brother. HAYLEY: [cuts in] They should have been back hours ago. ELIJAH: [interrupts] We need to find them. KLAUS: Well, that might be a bit tricky. You see, we've located their car on a back road in the middle of nowhere. I suspect they've been shanghai'd. ELIJAH: And you didn't feel the need to share this information? KLAUS: It was my intention to present you with a problem only after I had found an appropriate solution. ELIJAH: Do enlighten us. KLAUS: I'm closing in on it as we speak. The only person who would be bold enough to snatch my wolf allies is the one who has the most to lose. ELIJAH: [sighs] Marcel. HAYLEY: [scared] No, he'll kll them! KLAUS: Genevieve assures me that Marcel has procured a cloaking spell. The only witch who will aid Marcel is Davina. I just need to get one last bit of leverage before I pay her a visit. [From the rooftop, Klaus looks down below and watches as Josh carries a duffel bag to his car that is parked on the street. Josh pops the trunk to his car to put away his stuff] KLAUS: And there it is. [Klaus hangs up and jumps down behind Josh, which startles him] KLAUS: Hello, Joshua. [Klaus grabs Josh and bites him on the neck before Josh can react] COVEN HOUSE [Davina is studying in the coven's home's greenhouse, when Davina senses something nearby. Behind her, Mikael appears, looking concerned] MIKAEL: Davina! [Davina turns her head as she tries to find the source of the voice, but Mikael has disappeared. She gets up to investigate, and jumps when she hears a noise behind her. It's Josh, who has been thrown into the room] DAVINA: Josh? JOSH: [gasping] I'm sorry. DAVINA: [kneels down next to him, worried] What happened? KLAUS: [appears out of nowhere] Joshua went and got himself a werewolf bite! Well, a hybrid bite, technically, but it will kll him just the same. DAVINA: [furious] Why are you doing this? KLAUS: Well, I blame you! After all my overtures of friendship, you've once again sided with Marcel, forcing me to do horrible things to someone you care about. [Davina glares at him, and Klaus kneels down to look her in the eye] I'm not without mercy, Davina. I can cure him. But, you have to cooperate, and tell me where to find Marcel. DAVINA: Why? So you can kll him, too? KLAUS: Marcel chose his path. Seems unfair that Josh should have to suffer for it. [Davina remains silent, so Klaus gets up to leave] JOSH: Davina. Please. DAVINA: He's at a warehouse at the docks! Thierry's place. KLAUS: You see? That wasn't so hard, was it? [he walks away] DAVINA: What about Josh? KLAUS: [stops] He'll live another twenty-four hours or so. I may need you, and Joshua serves as wonderful leverage. The next time I ask a question, answer quicker. [Klaus vamp-speeds away, leaving Davina with Josh] FATHER KIERAN'S SECRET APARTMENT [Cami is at an apartment complex, whose address was the code inside Kieran's box. The owner is taking her to his room] CAMI: Uh, thank you for your time. I didn't realize my uncle even had this place until I read about it in his will. LANDLORD: The building's been in my family for decades. Your uncle helped us raise the funds to restore it after Katrina. I figured he kept this room for extra space. Anyway, I didn't ask any questions. [fumbles with his keys] You know, Father--Father K? He was as good as they come. I'm sorry for your loss. [Cami smiles kindly and nods as he unlocks the apartment] CAMI: Um, do you mind if I go in alone? [The landlord nods, and takes his leave. Cami enters the apartment, not sure what to expect. She surprised to find that it is mostly empty, with only a closet, a dining room table and chairs, and a refrigerator. Cami takes her notepad out of her purse to refer to the code she cracked, which says: "Apt 310, 456 Sycamore." She looks around for clues and finds none. She opens the fridge to see a beer inside, so she grabs it and opens it] CAMI: [mutters to herself] Here's to buried treasure. [She notices that the window by the closet has curtains, but not the other windows, so she opens the closet door. She notices a panel in the back wall of the closet, which has a duct-taped "x" on it] CAMI: [shocked] Hello. [Cami pulls the panel out to find that there is a hidden room crammed full of files, heirlooms, and historical artifacts, including the Needle of Sorrows. Cami is amazed at what she has just uncovered, and looks around until she sees a box of files labelled "Cami," and pulls it out] THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Hayley is pacing around the compound, worrying about their current problems. Genevieve has stayed behind to look after Hayley] HAYLEY: Elijah should have called by now. GENEVIEVE: Worrying isn't going to help. You should sit down, try to keep calm. HAYLEY: [frowns] What are you, now, magician slash zen-life-coach? GENEVIEVE: The treatment of pregnant women has advanced remarkably since I was a nurse, but even I know high blood pressure is bad for you, and your baby. [Hayley sighs and sits down] Especially now, since you're so close to term. HAYLEY: I hate this. I feel completely useless. GENEVIEVE: Don't you get it? You're the point of all this. Klaus and Elijah running all over town? [sighs] It's all for you. I'm a bit envious. HAYLEY: Great. Lucky me. GENEVIEVE: Is there anything I can get you? HAYLEY: [smiles] How about a moonlight ring? GENEVIEVE: [chuckles] The spell can't be performed until the full moon reaches its apex. And, of course, I need the stones, which will be here soon enough. Have a little faith! [Hayley isn't convinced, so she gets up and walks away] THE DOCKS--Thierry's Warehouse [Klaus and Elijah arrive at the docks and find Jackson, still bound to his chair, left with a black hood over his head. However, Marcel and Diego are gone. Jackson flinches when he's found, until he realizes he's being rescued] KLAUS: [grabs Jackson's face in his hand] Accolades to Marcel, he did quite a dance across the bridge of your nose. Where is he now? [Jackson looks around, and then looks down at the floor to find that there is an explsive rigged to the legs of his chair, which is connected to a crate that has an even larger bmb inside] ELIJAH: Nowhere to be found. [he opens a crate to find another explsive] Although, he did leave us a delightful parting gift. KLAUS: [to Jackson] What about the stones? JACKSON: [frantic] I don't know. Untie me, I'll help you find them! ELIJAH: Sit still! You'll be freed as soon as it's safe. [Elijah kneels down to examine the triggers on Jackson's chair, while Klaus looks into another crate, which holds yet another bmb] KLAUS: Our focus should be the stones. Considering Jackson's competition for Hayley's affection, I think you'd agree. ELIJAH: [to Jackson] Disregard my brother. Over the course of the last millenium, his capacity for tact has somewhat diminished. KLAUS: Well, that's typical, isn't it? Marcel fills a room with dynamite, and yet, I'm the tactless one. ELIJAH: I recognize these explsives from the attck on the bayou. Could you remind me, again, why you believed that Marcel was innocent? KLAUS: [shrugs] Remind me to ask him before I pull out his innards. [Klaus opens another crate to find that it contains at least six bmb] KLAUS: Okay, [gestures around him] exercise extreme caution in this general area. Bit of a mess. [Elijah's cell phone rings. He sees Hayley is calling him, and he answers it] ELIJAH: Impeccable timing. HAYLEY: What's going on? ELIJAH: Jackson is fine. He's...a little tied up right now. Can we call you back? [Klaus sniggers at Elijah's joke, and flips open another crate. Inside are another handful of bmb, with a folded slip of paper on top. Klaus frowns, just as the red blinking light on the bmb turn green] KLAUS: Oh, that doesn't bode well. JACKSON: [angry] Are you trying to kll us? HAYLEY: Elijah, tell me what's going on, now! [Klaus picks up the folded paper, as Elijah watches him] KLAUS: [reads the note in a whisper] "This is for Thierry" [Klaus and Elijah realize they've been set up, so Elijah quickly grabs Jackson as he and Klaus vamp-speed away as quickly as they can. Outside the warehouse, we can see the building explode in huge bursts. At home, Hayley has heard the explsin over the phone, and is terrified] THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Hayley is pacing around in the study when Elijah, Klaus, and Jackson, all looking very disheveled and covered in ash, return home] JACKSON: [groans, and turns to Elijah] I got it. HAYLEY: [runs toward them] Thank god you're alive! [gives Jackson a hug] [looks at Elijah over his shoulder and whispers] Thank you. [Elijah nods at her and watches as Hayley and Jackson sit down to tend to his wounds] KLAUS: I'm fine, too, thanks for asking. HAYLEY: What about the stones? ELIJAH: [sighs] Scattered across the bed of the Mississippi, I'd imagine. KLAUS: [pours himself a drink] Marcel's not a fool. He knows an empowered werewolf army would mean the end of vampires in New Orleans. The explsin is his way of saying he means to prevent that. For all the good it'll do him. HAYLEY: Well, it did him pretty damn well, didn't it? [looks at Elijah, who frowns] JACKSON: This is my fault. I'll find a way to fix it. HAYLEY: [rubs his shoulder affectionately] No, Jack, you're hurt. No one's blaming you. KLAUS: I'm blaming you! Those stones will be hard to replace. [looks at Elijah] Fortunately, I always have a backup plan. [smiles evilly] [Downstairs, Francesca walks into the compound with five other men, all of whom are wearing suits, and one of whom has brought a briefcase. Klaus, Elijah, Hayley, and Jackson go down to greet her] HAYLEY: You can't seriously mean her! She's a gangster! KLAUS: I see her more as a means of procuring rare items at short notice. [to Francesca and her entourage] Greetings, Ms. Correa! I see you've brought company. FRANCESCA: These are my brothers. I always include them in delicate business matters. [to her brothers] Fellas, meet Mr. Mikaelson. KLAUS: [smiles] Please, call me Klaus. All my friends do. FRANCESCA: I don't know if I'd call us friends. [she reaches into the briefcase her brother is holding, and pulls out a small black drawstring bag] But, if you and Marcel are planning on having a little throwdown, I'd prefer my family to be on the same side as the inevitable victor. KLAUS: Then, you have what I asked for? FRANCESCA: [holds out the bag] Not enough for an army, at such short notice, but it's a start. ELIJAH: [joins the conversation] Strange, I wasn't aware that she was familiar with our plan. FRANCESCA: My price for doing business is full disclosure. Your brother complied. ELIJAH: And what does the Human Faction stand to benefit from all of this? FRANCESCA: I only want us to solidify our allegiance to the ruling class. It's good for business. KLAUS: [examining the stones] If only everyone shared your capacity for reason. FRANCESCA: Sadly, they don't. Marcel is being especially vindictive. I'm worried he might come after me, or my family, just for meeting with you. [takes a deep breath] It might be in our best interests if we combine our efforts. KLAUS: So be it! The more bodies we have to defend the compound, the better. Let's get started, shall we? [Upstairs, Hayley is patching Jackson up] HAYLEY: [finishes bandaging him up and smiles] There. JACKSON: [stands up and puts on his shirt] Thank you. HAYLEY: Don't thank me, it was Elijah who vamped your ass to safety. JACKSON: Yeah, well, he really seems to care about you. HAYLEY: [blushes] It's...complicated. JACKSON: I think that's the understatement of the year. [Hayley smiles at him] Look, I gotta go get back to the bayou before the moon rises. HAYLEY: Jackson, this will be the last time. After tonight, you'll never have to turn again. No more pain, no more hiding in the bayou. I promise. JACKSON: You know, Klaus isn't doing this out of the kindness of his heart. He's doing it for you. Hayley, you're the one who's going to change everything for us. [As Jackson is leaving, Elijah approaches them] JACKSON: [takes a deep breath] Seems I owe you yet again. [Elijah nods in acknowledgement of his thanks] ELIJAH: I understand he risked his life to save his friend. [bat] He's a good man. HAYLEY: Yes, he is. Elijah...there's something that I need to tell you. My family...wanted me...[sighs] I was supposed to be betrothed to Jackson. [Elijah is shocked] I wanted to tell you sooner, I-I just didn't know how, it's this insane custody-- ELIJAH: No, no, you don't have to explain it. I understand the need to make sacrifices for one's family. HAYLEY: [waits for him to continue, but he stays silent] Come on, Elijah. For once in your immortal life, can you just not be so noble? ELIJAH: What would you have me do? HAYLEY: I just told you that I'm betrothed, according to some backwater arrangement by people that I never knew. Tell me that you think betrothals are stupid! Tell me that I have a choice-- [Elijah stops her and kisses her passionately. The two kiss for a long moment before he pulls away] ELIJAH: You will always have a choice. THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [In another room, Genevieve has everything arranged to start the moonlight ring spell] KLAUS: [walks into the room] I trust you're ready? GENEVIEVE: [sighs] The last ingredient is personal. As the spell is designed to control transformation, I need the blood of a werewolf who doesn't turn on a full moon. My first thought was Hayley, because of the pregnancy-- KLAUS: Out of the question. I'd just as soon limit the mother of my unborn side to the side-effects of your witchery. I am half-wolf, I control my form--use my blood. [Klaus holds his hand out to her, but when she grabs a Knfe to use to cut his palm, he grabs her roughly by the arm] KLAUS: If you fail to hold up your end of the deal, the consequences for you will be apocalyptic. GENEVIEVE: [nervous] You say the most romantic things. [Genevieve takes his hand and uses her Knfe to cut his palm. She drips the blood over the stones and it hisses as she begins the spell] THE PIT [Marcel has rallied up his army of vampires to review their battle plans before they get started] MARCEL: I appreciate ya'll coming. It's been a while. By now, you've heard what's going on. Klaus found a way to make werewolves lethal to us 24/7. The fireworks at the docks? That was me, trying to spoil his plan. He's moving forward anyway. He's got a witch, he's got a spell, and if he pulls this off? In one night, we go from hunter to prey. Now, I know what some of y'all are thinking. We stood against Klaus before, and we failed. Uh-uh. That's on me. I failed. I called off the attck because I thought it was the only way to save lives. But make no mistake--if we don't stand against him now, our lives aren't worth a damn anyway! [the crowd murmurs in agreement] A wise man said, if you know yourself, and you know your enemy, then you don't need to fear the outcome of battle! I know myself! I know my friends. And, I know my enemy! I know his strengths, I know his pride, and I know his house. Every nook and cranny. We're gonna go there tonight, hard and fast, all at once, from every angle. We kll their witch, destroy her spellbook, and get the hell out! [the crowd starts to cheer louder in agreement] And as for Klaus? He'll be coming for me, and that's exactly what I want. I'll lead him away. I just need the rest of you to get past Elijah and do what needs to be done. So, that's the plan. I need to know, right now--who's with me? [The whole crowd cheers and nods and lift their drinks up to Marcel in a show of solidarity. Marcel is proud] THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Genevieve continues to cast the moonlight ring spell in the Mikaelson compound, while Klaus, Hayley, and Elijah watch carefully] GENEVIEVE: [holds her hands out and chants] Tua virtuse. Materi lunare tua virtuse. Materi lunare tua virtuse. FRANCESCA: [rushes in] My people say Marcel is on the move, and he's bringing friends. KLAUS: [to Elijah] Get Hayley to safety. [rushes away] ELIJAH: [walks over to Hayley and grabs her arm] Come with me. HAYLEY: No. Some needs to watch her. [gestures to Genevieve] FRANCESCA: [to Elijah] You should help Klaus. My brothers and their security detail won't be much against a vampire army. I'll stay with Hayley. HAYLEY: [nods] Go, Elijah. [walks over to him and looks him in the eye] And don't hold back. [Elijah reluctantly agrees to this plan, and leaves to help Klaus] [Downstairs, Elijah strolls into the courtyard, where Francesca's brothers and their security guards are aiming gn at the vampires who are flooding in from every direction. He joins Klaus in the center of the room as the vampires surround them on all sides] KLAUS: [smirks] I thought this lot had learnt their lesson! ELIJAH: Well, they're not exactly reknowned for their genius. KLAUS: [to the crowd] So, where's the ringleader of this circus? [he turns to face the other side of the room] Too afraid to show his face? MARCEL: [appears on the balcony] I'm here! And I'm gonna offer you one last chance to pack your stuff and get the hell out of my town. KLAUS: You'll allow your men to rush to their deaths? Again? MARCEL: Look around. Every vampire in the Quarter is coming out! They want their city back. No surrender this time. You're gonna have to kll us all. KLAUS: [unfazed] Okay! I think I'll start with you. MARCEL: Fine. Then, come get me. [Marcel vamp-speeds away] ELIJAH: [to Klaus] If you don't kll him, I will. KLAUS: He's mine. This won't take long. [Klaus vamp-speeds away, leaving Elijah with the rest of the vampires. Elijah confidently unbuttons his jacket] ELIJAH: [smiles] Gentleman. [holds his arms wide] Shall we? [Vampires start jumping down from the balconies and lunge for him] THE FRENCH QUARTER [Klaus is angrily skulking down the street to find Marcel. After walking for a moment, he turns just in time to see Marcel jump down behind him. The two begin to fight. At first, Marcel is on top, and beats Klaus up pretty badly] KLAUS: Not bad. But, not nearly good enough. [They resume the fight. Klaus quickly gains the upper hand, and throws Marcel across the street, where he hits a parked car] KLAUS: [approaching him] How pathetic you've become. explsives, Marcellus? Really? I should have known it was you who detonated those bmb in the bayou. MARCEL: The docks! That was me. I got the detonators from Francesca. Why don't you ask her about the bayou bmb? KLAUS: Lies! And distractions! MARCEL: [yells] I never went after Hayley! I'm not a monster, Klaus! I'm not you. [Klaus glares furiously at Marcel] FATHER KIERAN'S SECRET APARTMENT [Cami is reading through all of the files that Kieran left for her in the secret room in the apartment. Inside are newspaper clippings, family trees, and notes. One note says, "GABRIEL CORREA. BIRTH CERTIFICATE FALSIFIED? NOTE DATE: APRIL 1925." She finds the name on the family tree and follows the branches down until she sees the name "Francesca Correa." She finds another note that says, "GUERRERA WEREWOLVES--STILL IN THE QUARTER?" Cami flashes back to her earlier conversation with Francesca, when Francesca told her that her family had been in New Orleans for a long time.] [She pulls out her phone and calls Hayley] THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [In the courtyard, Elijah is fiercely fighting against all of the vampires, and despite being severely outnumbered, he's still winning the fight. Many of the vampires try to stake him with regular wooden stakes, but he simply steals them and uses the stakes on them] [One of the security guards makes his way into the room where Genevieve is casting the spell, in order to get Francesca out of there] FRANCESCA: [holds up a hand] Not yet. SECURITY GUARD: Ms. Correa, we need to go. Your brothers are already headed out the back. GENEVIEVE: Materi lunare tua virtuse. Materi lunare tua virtuse. [Hayley's phone buzzes. It's Cami. Hayley ignores it so she can keep watching Genevieve] GENEVIEVE: Materi lunare tua virtuse. Materi lunare tua virtuse. [She stops chanting and picks up a stone to examine it] GENEVIEVE: [impressed] The stones are finished. I've done my part. Now, it's up to you. HAYLEY: [goes to grab the stones] I'll get them to the bayou. FRANCESCA: [rushes over to Genevieve and holds out her hand] Actually, she was talking to me. HAYLEY: What the hell is this? [Genevieve places the stone in Francesca's hand] FRANCESCA: Call it a side deal. The point is, I'm taking the stones. [she walks away] HAYLEY: [follows her] Are you out of your mind? You think the humans can go up against Klaus? FRANCESCA: No, I don't. But, I'm not human. [She pulls out a Knfe, and uses it to slit the throat of her bodyguard. When the bodyguard dies, she doubles over in pain. She looks back up at Hayley with gold eyes and fangs, revealing that she had just triggered her werewolf curse] I'm like you, Hayley. And now, I'm gonna take back my town! [Hayley lunges for Francesca] HAYLEY: Like hell you are! [Before she can do anything, Genevieve uses a spell to knock Hayley out, and she falls on the floor. Genevieve gives Francesca the rest of the stones. Genevieve looks nervous and guilty] FRANCESCA: Don't look so dour, Genevieve. We both got what we wanted. THE FRENCH QUARTER, THE ABBATOIR, AND KIERAN'S SECRET APARTMENT [The scene cuts back and forth between the various scenes] [Outside on the streets of the French Quarter, Klaus has knocked Marcel onto the ground, and is punching him in the face over and over again. Klaus starts to feel noticeably weak after a while, and stands up, leaving Marcel laying disoriented on the ground] KLAUS: Marcellus. How well your name fits you--little warrior. Though, ultimately one of no consequence. [Marcel forces himself to stand up in front of Klaus] MARCEL: My name is Marcel. [Marcel lunges at Klaus, but Klaus easily blocks him. He slams his head against a car that is parked on the street and twists his arm behind his back] KLAUS: Is there no end to your defiance? You summon Mikael, turn Rebekah against me, try to bury me in your Garden? And yet, you always fail. [Marcel tries to fight against him, but Klaus grabs his face in his hands and stares him in the eyes] What is there left to do but put you out of your misery? [Klaus lets out his hybrid face and bites Marcel on the neck, feeding on his blood] [At Kieran's apartment, Cami is leaving Hayley another voicemail] CAMI: Hayley, I've called six times. Call me back. You said you wanted to know if I learned anything about Francesca Correa? Her family is descended from a werewolf bloodline! [At the Abbatoir compound, Elijah is still fighting against the vampires] [Outside the fight, Francesca is handing out moonlight stones to her brothers] FRANCESCA: We spent two generations living a lie. And now, our time. Our time has come. [she squeezes one brother's shoulder] You know what to do. [When she leaves them, one of her brothers kills another bodyguard to trigger his werewolf curse] [Out in the streets, Klaus stops feeding on Marcel and gasps in pain. His hand has sliced itself open in the same place as Genevieve cut it during the spell. He falls to his knees, and Marcel, weakened from his hybrid bite, tries to pick himself off the floor] [At the Abbatoir compound, another one of Francesca's brothers kills another bodyguard, and triggers his curse] [Out in the streets, Klaus cries out in pain again, as if he's being affected by each newly-triggered werewolf who has a stone] [A third Correa brother triggers his curse] [Klaus sees Marcel standing up, and roars at him ferally. Marcel vamp-speeds away] [Back at the Abbatoir compound, the fountain in the courtyard is full of blood. Elijah paces around the room at all of the severely injured and dad vampires laying around the room] ELIJAH: [bored] Are we done? [Diego lurks in the corner, injured but braced for another fight. Francesca enters the room] FRANCESCA: Well, nice job! Saved me the trouble of klling all these vampires myself! [Elijah looks at her, confused, and is overwhelmed by two of Francesca's brothers, who viciously bite Elijah's neck. Diego stares in horror at the Correas, realizing that they've finished the moonlight rings. Elijah is finally dropped onto the ground] DIEGO: [terrified] RUN! [All of the wounded who can still run do so] FRANCESCA: kll as many of them as you can. [The newly-turned werewolves rush around and attck all of the vampires that they can get their hands on. Before Diego can get away, one of the brothers finds him and latches onto his neck] ROUSSEAU'S [Klaus wanders into the restaurant and stumbles into a custodian mopping the floor] KLAUS: I'm sorry, mate, but I'm a bit famished. [Klaus bites into his neck and feeds on the man. He holds out his hand, which is still bleeding. Genevieve comes in and laughs] GENEVIEVE: You look awful. KLAUS: Why aren't I healing? What have you done to me? GENEVIEVE: [approaches him] Well, you're the one who wanted me to cast the spell. So, I made your stones...by linking their power to your blood. And now, each full moon, whenever a werewolf uses their power to keep from turning, they'll be drawing from your strength! And, causing you pain. KLAUS: [groaning in pain] After all I offered you, you will betray me? GENEVIEVE: [kneels in front of him and grabs his face] Look me in the eyes, Nik. Were you ever planning to give me your mother's grimoire? Did you care about me, even for a moment? KLAUS: [glares at her] I suppose you'll never know. GENEVIEVE: [stands up to leave] Francesca kept her end of the deal. There is, after all, honor among thieves, even if they are werewolves. And as for you? The great irony is, in wanting to take the city, you lost everything. [Klaus pulls himself to his feet] Your sister Rebekah, your adopted son Marcel, and now, even your child and her mother will suffer, all because of your greed. [Klaus lunges at her, but collapses at her feet] KLAUS: I will kll you. GENEVIEVE: As weak as you are? Doubtful. [She throws out a hand and uses a pain infliction spell on him until he passes out] COVEN HOUSE [Josh is laying on the greenhouse table, as Davina sits at his bedside] DAVINA: Josh? Please, drink this. [She helps lift his head so she can feed him some water, but it makes him gag and cough] JOSH: [groans] Oh, man. DAVINA: [near tears] Just hang on, please? [Josh lays back down on the table, very out of it. Davina is so upset that Josh is dying that she angrily throws the glass of water at the wall. Mikael appears behind her] MIKAEL: Surely you're not surprised? Deep down, you knew Niklaus would leave Joshua to die. DAVINA: [angry] Why are you still here? MIKAEL: I haven't much time left. But then, neither does your friend. DAVINA: [rubs Josh's arm soothingly] I can heal him. I'll find a way. MIKAEL: Even if you could, how long 'til it happens again? As long as Niklaus remains in your liens, you and your loved ones will continue to suffer his torment. I am the only man in history who's been able to drive him off. To bring him fear, and pain. If your friend needs Klaus' blood to survive, I've been known to spill a fair share of it. DAVINA: [skeptical] You'll help me save Josh? MIKAEL: I do have personal reasons for wanting Niklaus to suffer, but yes. I'd like nothing more than to help you. DAVINA: And all I have to do is raise you from the dad. MIKAEL: A small price to pay to cure your friend, and live a life free of a monster. Think, Davina. There still exists a wapon that can kll Klaus. Bring back the one being who has the strength to use it. [Josh has another coughing fit, which distracts Davina for a moment. When she looks back to where Mikael was standing, he's gone] JOSH: [very weak] Who were you talking to? DAVINA: [smiles] It doesn't matter. I'm gonna fix you. THE BAYOU [Oliver makes his way through the wreckage from the explsin to a cabin, just after turning back into a human. Francesca is waiting for him with a moonlight stone] FRANCESCA: It's done! [holds out a stone] A deal's a deal. OLIVER: You said the bmb was gonna be minor. No casualties. All I wanted to do was rally the Crescents against the vampires. FRANCESCA: And isn't that exactly what happened? OLIVER: [frustrated] People died! My people! My PACK! FRANCESCA: Your pack? That's funny, because it looked to me like they were ready to follow Hayley. But now, thanks to me, we have control over the very thing that will inspire loyalty from both the Crescents AND the Guerreras. [holds up his stone] The means to make our people even more powerful. The only thing that I had to trade away was the one person who could have challenged us. Poor Hayley. It is a shame. The witches drive a hard bargain. But, every revolution requires sacrifice. This city will belong to the wolves again. All we have to do [holds out his stone] is take it. [Oliver walks over to Francesca and takes the stone from her] THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [All the vampires are still laying around the compound, either dad or dying from werewolf bites. Marcel returns to the compound to find all of his men have been attcked, just as he was] MARCEL: [distraught] No. No, no, no, no, no. [Marcel kneels beside one of his vampires, only to find that they're dad. When he checks on another one, he realizes they've been attcked by werewolves] MARCEL: No, no, no, no, no! DIEGO: [limps into the courtyard] Marcel. I'm sorry. [Marcel goes to hug Diego, but Diego stumbles and falls. Marcel catches him before he hits the ground. Cami rushes in] CAMI: Oh my god, Marcel! I've been trying to find someone, anyone! [she looks around] Where--what's happening? MARCEL: [holds her shoulds] You gotta get outta here. My guys have been bitten by wolves. They'll get sick, and then blood-crazy. CAMI: [sees his hybrid bite and thinks it's from a werewolf] We need to find Klaus, his blood can heal you. ELIJAH: [runs in in a rage] MARCEL! WHERE IS SHE? [Elijah throws a chair in anger, and Cami throws herself between Elijah and Marcel] Where's Hayley? CAMI: He doesn't have her! Please! I know you don't trust him, but you know I wouldn't lie. He doesn't have her. ELIJAH: Someone does. [he walks over to Marcel] Where is my brother? MARCEL: I left him in the street. He was gonna kll me. And then, he got jacked up by some witch's spell. [he starts to pant] ELIJAH: [furious] Genevieve. ST. ANNE'S CHURCH [A group of witches, accompanied by Genevieve, drag a struggling Hayley by her arms into the church, toward the sacristy. Monique and another witch wait for them in the pews. Hayley screams in fright in hopes that someone will hear her] GENEVIEVE: [to the witches restraining her] Get her down on the floor! MONIQUE: We should take her to the City of the dad. GENEVIEVE: We won't make it, the baby is coming now. HAYLEY: [terrified] No! It's too soon! Ahhhhhh! GENEVIEVE: Apparently not. MONIQUE: [grabs Genevieve by the arm] The plan was to induce her when the sacrifice was ready! GENEVIEVE: I had to subdue her, and the trauma caused a placental abruption. So, the baby is coming, and we'll just have to adapt. HAYLEY: [fights against the witches holding her down] AHHH! LET ME GO! GENEVIEVE: You need to be calm, Hayley. HAYLEY: [scared] Why are you doing this to me? MONIQUE: To be reborn, you must sacrifice. HAYLEY: [pushes Monique's hand away] What does that mean, you psychotic little BITCH? GENEVIEVE: The ancestors demand an offering in exchange for power. MONIQUE: You and your child will be a fine offering. HAYLEY: No! NO! You will not take my baby, I will k*ll ALL OF YOU! MONIQUE: No, you won't! And neither will Klaus, or Elijah! When your baby is born, you will offer her up to those who came before us. [Hayley cries and shakes her head no as she continues to struggle against the witches' restraints] GENEVIEVE: I'm sorry, Hayley, but this is the way it had to be. HAYLEY: No! NO! NO! AAH! AAH! [Outside, Klaus weakly stumbles down the street as he hears Hayley's horrified screams. Fully enraged, he screams at the top of his lungs] END CREDITS Wiki	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x21 - The Battle of New Orleans"}	foreverdreaming
[ FLASHBACK - The Baby's Bedroom ] ( Some time before the events of The Battle of New Orleans,Hayley sits in a rocking chair in the baby's room, where she is writing a letter. Klaus enters the room and leans in the doorway ) Klaus: Writing a love letter to one of your many suitors? So, who's the lucky recepient, then? [smiles] Jackson? Or, Elijah? [Hayley rolls her eyes at him] Don't tell me it's me? [they both laugh] I thought I was out of the running ages ago! Hayley: [laughs] And the award for "Biggest Ego" goes to...[gestures toward Klaus, who continues to laugh] [groans when the baby starts to kick] Oh! Klaus: [walks toward Hayley] How is our littlest wolf? Hayley: Do you want to...? [rubs her baby bump] ( Klaus steps back, looking nervous, and Hayley gives him a look ) Hayley: Come on! [gestures to her belly] ( Klaus reaches out and touches Hayley's belly, and he's startled when he feels the baby kick ) Hayley: [laughs] You feel that? [they both laugh in amazement] Klaus: [suddenly feels awkward and stands up] Right! I'll leave you to your secret letter, then! ( Klaus rushes off, and Hayley smiles as she thinks about Klaus and the baby. In voiceover, Hayley narrates her letter as the scene cuts to Hayley giving birth with the help of the witches ) Hayley: [voiceover] Dear Zoe...or Kaitlyn...or Angela. To my little girl. Your dad just asked if this was a love letter. I guess it kind of is. I never got to know my mother. I have no idea what she must have thought when she carried me. [Hayley screams at Genevieve and Monique in the present, as she is in labor] Hayley: [to Genevieve] AHHHH! Let go of me, you bitch! Hayley: [voiceover] So, I thought I'd write to you, so you can know how happy I am at this very moment. How much your father and I can't wait to meet you... [In the present, Klaus limps into the hospital and finds the witches with Hayley. Hayley is shocked and relieved to see him. Klaus lunges toward a witch guard and rips his head off. Abigail and Genevieve link hands and telekinetically pin Klaus to the wall] Hayley: [voiceover] And, I want to make you a promise, of three things that you will have that I never did: a safe home, someone to tell you that they love you every single day, and someone to fight for you, no matter what. [In the present, Klaus fights against the spell pinning him to the wall, but he cannot get free. Monique and Abigail anchor the spell and go back to helping Hayley] Klaus & Hayley: AHHH! Hayley: [voiceover] In other words, a family. So, there you go, baby girl. The rest, we're going to have to figure out together. I love you. Your mom. ( Klaus and Hayley watch fearfully as Genevieve grabs the ceremonial athame that was used for the Harvest. Hayley continues to scream in agony and terror ) Genevieve: [to Hayley and Klaus] You should know this brings me no joy. I promise I'll make it quick. ( One of the witches covers Hayley's lower half with a sheet ) Genevieve: Let's begin, shall we? [ CREDITS ] [ THE ABATTOIR COMPOUND ] ( Davina enters the compound's courtyard and is horrified to see all the dad and dying vampires laying around. Cami and Marcel are tending to Diego and the other vampires who are still alive ) Davina: [horrified] Cami? [she sees that Marcel is beaten and bloody] Oh god, what happened? Marcel: [weak and out of breath] Klaus... Cami: [interrupts] They fought, and he got bit. [she puts a damp cloth on Diego's forehead and goes to tend to the others] Davina: Marcel... Marcel: It's okay! I gave as good as I got. But, we need Klaus' blood to heal. ( Marcel grips Davina's shoulder before walking to where Cami is helping the others near the fountain ) Davina: [thinks for a moment] You fought Klaus - did he bleed? Marcel: I got him pretty good, yeah. Davina: [determined] Where? [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] ( Davina walks down the street to where Klaus and Marcel fought. As she looks around, we get flashbacks to the fight. In flashback, Marcel punches Klaus in the face, causing him to spit his blood all over a car and the cement. Davina picks up an empty plastic up from the ground and sets it on the car. As she starts to chant a spell, Josh stumbles out of an alley and finds her ) Davina: [lifts her arms] Venez sanguis. Venez sanguis. Venez sanguis. Venez– Josh: Uh... Davina? What the hell? Davina: [stops chanting and gapes at Josh] Josh, what are you doing here? I told you to rest! Josh: [weakly] I'm fine! Davina: You're gonna start hallucinating soon! Josh: I mean, unless I'm hallucinating you standing in the middle of the street and chanting for no reason...[laughs tiredly] Wait, am I? Davina: [determined] I'm gonna save you. I'm gonna save all of you. ( Davina returns to her spell ) Davina: Venez sanguis. Venez sanguis. Venez sanguis la force de la bête à moi. ( Josh watches in amazement as Davina's spell siphons all of Klaus' blood that splattered onto the ground and the hood of the car into the air, where it falls into the cup ) Josh: Okay...I am hallucinating... [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] [Hayley is still in labor, and the witches, led by Genevieve, assist Hayley in her birth. Hayley screams in agony] Klaus: [shouts] I will bring hell to your family! Genevieve: [to Hayley] One last push! Push! The baby's almost here! Klaus: [shouts] I will bathe in rivers of your blood! Hayley: No! No! Monique: I can see the baby! Genevieve: Push! Gently! Gently! Klaus: [shouts] You will die screaming! [Hayley falls backwards just as the baby is born] Genevieve: There! [Both Klaus and Hayley stop screaming once they see their baby. One of the witches helps cut the umbilical cord, and Genevieve wraps the baby in a blanket] Genevieve: You have a beautiful baby daughter. [Hayley and Klaus stare in shock] Genevieve: We must start the sacrifice as soon as the moon sets with the morning sky - Hayley: - Please. Please, can I hold her? [Genevieve brings the baby over so Hayley can hold her. Hayley is amazed by the sight of her daughter. She looks up at Klaus and manages a small smile before kissing her daughter on the forehead. Suddenly, Monique grabs Hayley by the hair, pulls her head back, and slits her throat with the Knfe. Hayley gasps] Klaus: NOOOOOO! [Hayley falls backward, and the witches grab the baby before leaving the church] Klaus: AGHHHHHHHH! ( As the witches leave, Monique twists her wrist, which causes Klaus to fall to the floor, weakened. He looks up at Hayley's dad body above him in horror ) [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] ( Some time later, Elijah bursts into the church ) Elijah: HAYLEY! [He stops dad in his tracks, panting and out of breath as a result of the werewolf bites, and struggles to focus his vision. Eventually, he sees that Klaus is sitting at the sacristy, with Hayley's head resting in his lap. Klaus is near tears. Elijah approaches them] Elijah: No. No, no. No...[he falls to his knees next to Hayley and realizes that she's dad] Klaus: [numb] She's gone. ( Elijah starts to cry, which causes Klaus to start to cry, too ) Klaus: You've been bitten. Here. [He bites into his wrist and offers it to Elijah. Elijah is stunned] [ THE ABATTOIR ] ( Davina returns to the compound and presents Marcel with the blood that she has salvaged from the fight. Cami is at Josh's side, and he is fading fast ) Marcel: [gently] There's only enough here for one. Davina: [distraught] No! This has to be enough! ( Marcel pats Josh on the shoulder, but he doesn't notice. Davina starts to cry ) Davina: I can't choose. Please don't make me choose. ( Marcel looks at her with sadness and takes the cup from her ) Marcel: Save your friend. [He walks toward Josh with the cup] I can take care of the rest of us. Cami: [shocked] Marcel? Josh: I can't - Marcel: Judging by the look of that bite, you don't have time to argue. Davina: [crying] Marcel? Marcel: Josh is one of my guys, and enough of my guys have died today. So, come on. ( Marcel helps Josh sit up, and Cami helps feed him the small cup of blood. Behind them, Mikael's spirit is watching this happen ) Mikael: [to Davina] One point for you, and one point for Niklaus. ( Davina glares at him angrily. Marcel forces himself to stand up, and makes his way to the door. Cami chases after him and blocks his way ) Cami: Hey! Where do you think you're going? Marcel: To find Klaus, get his blood, and save as many of my guys as I can. Cami: [stops him] Wait! For that you'll need a wapon - and, it just so happens, I have an arsenal. ( Davina stares at them, as the three begin to form a plan ) [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] ( Elijah lays Hayley's body back onto the table at the sacristy while Klaus sits nearby ) Elijah: [distraught] How? Klaus: [numb] I was bested. Elijah: [becomes furious] You were bested. Huh. [walks toward Klaus] You were BESTED? [Klaus looks at him in shock] My invincible brother. ( Klaus pulls himself weakly to his feet and looks Elijah in the eyes ) Klaus: They took the baby. But, there's still time. We can save her. [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Klaus and Elijah rush around the cemetery, trying to figure out where the witches are keeping the baby ) Elijah: [frantic] The tombs are empty, the grounds are deserted, she's NOT HERE! Klaus: This is the only place they can be! We'll keep searching. Elijah: They are NOT HERE, Niklaus! We're wasting time! Klaus: The Harvest was here! The Reaping was here! They're about to perform a ritual which will feed their ancestors for centuries! Ancestors who are buried HERE! ( Klaus stops talking when he notices an angel statue on top of one of the tombs ) Klaus: [sighs in frustration] This statue, we've passed by this three times, all whilst going in the same direction. ( Klaus and Elijah brainstorm silently as they examine the various tombs near them ) Elijah: They've fabricated some kind of illusion. ( Klaus vamp -speeds to the top of the tomb with the angel statue and tries to get a better view of the cemetery. When he looks out, there seem to be an infinite number of tombs, stretching out to make the cemetery appear to be endless ) Klaus: That's one word for it. [ KIERAN'S SECRET APARTMENT ] ( Cami leads Marcel and Davina into Father Kieran's secret apartment's hidden room, which is full of files and various historical artifacts ) Marcel: So, this is what Kieran was hiding. Cami: More like stockpiling. From what I can gather, it's mostly wapon. Davina: [shakes her head in disagreement] Dark objects - created by witches. Marcel: And co -opted by the humans. ( Davina starts looking through the various dark objects, which includes the Needle of Sorrows that Kieran took from Agnes, as well as a small clock, a bangle bracelet, and what looks suspiciously like the Gilbert watch/compass ) Marcel: Kieran's been keeping this a secret for years. You really sure you wanna show me all this? Cami: You said knowing my uncle's secrets could get me klled? But, what if those same secrets could save the lives of my friends? Davina: Look at this! [She picks up what looks like a gold throwing star from the shelf of dark objects] I learned about it in the lycée, it's called The Devil's Star. They say one throw can make a thousand cuts. Marcel: A thousand cuts sounds about right. I need to make Klaus bleed. ( Davina hands Marcel the star, and he takes it before he leaves to find Klaus ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Klaus and Elijah are still walking through the maze illusion in the cemetery, using a stone like a piece of chalk in order to mark the tombs that they pass ) Klaus: [sighs] It's ingenius. I can see them, I can feel them, and yet, they are not real. Elijah: [still distraught as he runs his hands through his hair] There has to be a way. Even if we could just push through - Klaus: - What we need to do is focus. Elijah: [snaps] My only focus right now is that child and her safety, do you understand me? [furious] This - all of this - this is the world that you created, Niklaus. Klaus: Brother - Elijah: All of your scheming, the enemies that you have made every single day of your miserable life - what results did you expect? That your child would be born into a happy life? That the mother would be alive to know her daughter? That we could live and thrive as some - as some sort of family? Klaus: That was your fantasy, brother, not mine! Elijah: [enraged] NO, brother! This was our hope. This was our family's hope. [tries to catch his breath] And now she is gone. [softer] Do you understand? I let this person in. I let her in! [tries to hold back tears] I don't let people in! You knew this. You've taken her from me! I needed her, and you've broken me. ( Elijah sits down on the stoop of one of the tombs and puts his head in his hands. Klaus quietly sits down next to him and grips his arm in comfort ) Klaus: You can tell your niece how much you cared for her mother when we save her. ( Elijah looks at him, his chin quivering, as Klaus nods encouragingly ) [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] [Hayley's body is still laying on the table at the sacristy, where Elijah left her. Her neck looks as though it has healed. Suddenly, she awakens with a gasp and grabs her throat. As she sits up, she's overwhelmed with flashbacks of being in labor, the baby being born, Klaus being pinned to the wall, and Monique slitting her throat. She realizes the baby is still alive, but has been taken by the witches, and calms herself before leaving to find her] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY - Tomb ] [In some hidden tomb full of lit candles, Genevieve, dressed in a white dress, sets the swaddled baby in a basket. Behind her, Monique and Abigail, also in white dresses, watch her] Genevieve: [looks through the skylight to check on the sky] The moon has almost faded from the morning sky. [she grabs the ceremonial athame] I need to prepare. ( Abigail and Monique wait until Genevieve leaves before they begin to talk privately ) Abigail: She'll go through with it. The ancestors promised her her life. Monique: What about their promise to us? Four Harvest girls sacrificed, four girls returned. But, her friends hijack it, and our friends have to stay dad? Cassie was our friend. I hope she doesn't go through with it. Then, you and I can do what the ancestors want, and they'll give us Cassie! And, drag Genevieve back to where she came from. ( Abigail nods in agreement. Monique grabs the baby in the basket, and she and Abigail go to join Genevieve ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY - Altar ] [Genevieve walks down between rows of tombs, to the front steps of a large tomb, which serves as their altar. Lit torches line the aisle. She lays the athame onto the altar. Abigail and Monique follow her as they carry the baby in the basket. They each take their places - Genevieve is at the altar, facing the aisle, while Monique and Abigail stand on her left and ride side, respectively. On the altar is a circle made of salt, with designs made within it's lines] Genevieve: It's time. [ THE ABATTOIR ] ( While everyone is gone, Davina and Mikael's spirit are in Klaus' study, where Davina is looking at Esther's grimoire for the spell she needs. A similar salt circle to the one set up at the cemetery is set up on the floor ) Davina: It says I need to channel power from a nexus vorti? Mikael: [laughs] Ah, yes. My wife, Esther, always did love to dress things up a bit. It's fancy witch -speak. A nexus vorti - a rare occurrence. Something so infrequent, it's almost a miracle. Like, an astrological event. Or... Davina: ...A miracle baby. Mikael: Voilà. [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY - Altar ] [Genevieve lifts the baby into the air, while Abigail and Monique hold up their hands toward the baby and begin their spell] Genevieve, Abigail & Monique (in unison): Nouvel vie, nouvel ame, me lange avec nous. [ THE ABATTOIR ] ( Davina is about to start her spell. She starts collecting all of the dark objects she grabbed from Kieran's hidden room ) Mikael: So, are you certain that you have the power to bring me back? Davina: I do now. ( She takes the dark objects and starts to set them in various places around the circle. Included in the objects are a bracelet, a pocket watch, what looks like a key, a compass, and a pocketwatch. Mikael watches her with interest. She holds her hands out and begins the spell ) Davina: [chants] De la cendre à l'os, de la chair à la vie. De la cendre à l'os, de la chair à la vie. ( Mikael hunches over and starts to shout in pain as Davina continues the spell ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY - Tombs ] ( Klaus and Elijah are breaking their way through the illusion by destroying the tombs. When they reach a room full of candles, they stop and catch their breath ) Elijah: [sighs] We've passed through here twice already. We're running out of time. [He punches through a wall in anger and frustration] Klaus: Then we move faster. [He marks the wall with a third tally mark] Hayley: [calls out from behind them] Or smarter. ( Elijah and Klaus freeze when they heard her voice, and turn to see the source of the sound. Hayley stands in the doorway, dazed and exhausted -looking ) Elijah: Hayley. ( Elijah and Klaus are shocked to see her. Elijah rushes over to touch her face to make sure she isn't an illusion ) Elijah: How are you here? Hayley: [numb and dazed] I woke up in the church. I felt this hunger... I knew what I needed. I can feel her. She's here. I can feel my baby. ( Elijah looks confused, but Klaus realizes what has happened ) Klaus: You died with the baby's blood still in your system. [He turns to Elijah] She's in transition. Elijah: [horrified] Which means she has to drink the blood of the child if she is to survive. Klaus: [horrified] To be reborn a hybrid. Hayley: I don't care about me. I'm gonna go find our daughter. [Hayley leaves, and Elijah and Klaus rush after her] [ THE ABATTOIR ] ( Davina continues to cast her spell, as Mikael paces around the study and groans in pain ) Davina: De la cendre à l'os, de la chair à la vie. From ash to bone, from bone to flesh, from flesh to life. ( Once Davina's spell is complete, she passes out onto the floor. Mikael, also, falls to the floor in pain ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY - Altar ] [Hayley leads Elijah and Klaus through the maze of tombs in the cemetery's illusion toward her and Klaus' daughter. Meanwhile, Genevieve, Monique, and Abigail continue their spell around the baby] Genevieve, Abigail & Monique (in unison): Nouvel vie, nouvel ame, me longe avec nous. [Genevieve holds the athame above the baby, preparing to complete the sacrifice] [ THE ABATTOIR ] ( Mikael pulls himself up from the floor in the study and gasps as he's brought back to life ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY - Altar ] [Hayley, Elijah, and Klaus are still searching through the cemetery for the baby. Genevieve is about to sacrifice the baby] Genevieve, Abigail & Monique (in unison): Nouvel vie, nouvel ame, me longe avec nous. [Hayley, Elijah and Klaus turns a corner and see Genevieve holding a Knfe above the baby's head] Hayley: NOOO! ( Elijah picks up an urn and lobs it at the witches, which slams against Genevieve's hand and knocks the athame onto the ground. The three run toward them, so Monique and Abigail hold each other's hands and channel the ancestors' power to throw them backwards while Genevieve goes to find the athame ) Abigail: La mère, le père, le frère, la sœur... La mère, le père, le frère, la sœur... Monique: You fools! To come against us in our place of power, in our strongest hour. You don't face three, you face us all. ( As they continue to use magic against them, Elijah and Klaus can see that hundreds and hundreds of the dad witches have come together to protect them as they complete their sacrifice ) [ THE ABATTOIR ] ( Diego is still at the compound, laying in the courtyard, still dying from his werewolf bite. Mikael approaches him ) Diego: Who the hell are you? ( Mikael grabs Diego by the hair and vamps -out before feeding on Diego to death. When he's done, he growls and grunts animalistically, scaring the other dying vampires ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY - Altar ] [Hayley, Klaus, and Elijah are still fighting against the witches' magic. Klaus and Hayley each run in opposite directions, while Elijah continues to rush straight towards them, in hopes of overpowering them] [Hayley finds Genevieve picking up the athame, and starts to fist -fight her to keep her from using it against the baby. She once again knocks the Knfe out of her hand and into the ground] ( Klaus gets cornered by the spirits of Papa Tunde's twin sons, who telekinetically throw Klaus into a tomb, shattering it ) [Hayley knocks Genevieve down and runs toward the baby, but Genevieve casts a pain infliction spell on Hayley, which makes her fall onto her knees. Meanwhile, Monique and Abigail are still using their powers combined powers to channel the full strength of the ancestors] ( Elijah fights to get close enough to them to get the baby. Klaus pulls himself out of the tomb and angrily rushes toward the action ) Abigail & Monique (in unison): La mère, le père, le frère, la sœur... La mère, le père, le frère, la sœur... ( Klaus sees a wrought iron fence, and breaks off one of the spikes. He throws it forcefully toward Abigail, which impales her through the stomach and kills her, breaking the connection that she and Monique had to the ancestors ) ( Monique quickly runs to grab the athame to finish the sacrifice herself. Klaus and Elijah vamp -speed toward her, but she uses her magic to block them using a wall of fre ) Hayley: Noooo! [Genevieve continues the pain infliction spell to prevent her interference] ( Just as Monique is about to sacrifice the baby, she's ht with the Devil's Star, which embeds itsef in her stomach. Her body becomes covered in cuts, and she coughs up blood before falling to the ground. Klaus and Elijah turn around to see that Marcel was the one who saved the baby. Before they can say anything, Marcel vamp -speeds to the baby, and then vamp -speeds away with it. Klaus follows after him ) [ THE ABATTOIR ] ( Klaus enters the compound to find all of the bitten vampires dad and strewn across the courtyard. Marcel is holding the baby in his arms as he sits by the fountain, waiting for him ) Marcel: I was too late. There should have been more time. Klaus: [looks around the room at the carnage] Looks like the wolves came back and finished what they started. ( The baby stirs and coos, and Marcel stares at it ) Klaus: You took my daughter so I would heal you and your friends. ( Marcel looks at him weakly, but Klaus just laughs and shrugs ) Klaus: Here. Marcel: [pulls away] This bite, all this...[he looks over at Diego's dad body] I know it didn't come from nowhere. This is the last note in a song that I started a century ago when I brought your dad to town. And for that, I am sorry. Klaus: [kneels down in front of him] No. You saved my child's life, Marcel. For that, you deserve this. [He holds out his wrist, and Marcel bites into it and drinks his blood] We will take down whoever brought this upon us, I swear it. ( Marcel looks up at Klaus in shock, finally healing. Klaus looks at his daughter in awe and relief ) Klaus: May I? ( Marcel hands him the baby, and he takes her ) Klaus: Shhhh. Oh! Hey! Hey there. ( The baby looks over at Marcel, and he smiles from joy. They laugh. Behind them, hiding in the shadows, Mikael is watching them and holding the indestructible white oak stake ) [ THE ABATTOIR ] [Klaus is holding the swaddled baby as he stands in the baby's nursery. He lays her down in her crib and watches her with interest. Mikael climbs up the stairs with the stake. Mikael is about to walk in the nursery when he freezes, blocked by an invisible barrier. Behind him, Davina appears. When Klaus walks out of the nursery and into the hallway to investigate, Mikael and Davina are gone. [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] ( Davina has dragged Mikael back to the church's attic. When he makes it to the threshold, he can't break through ) Mikael: Agh, STOP! Davina: No. Mikael: [limps into the room] Agh! Why is this happening? You brought me back to kll my son! Davina: I brought you back to punish him. And you will! When I'm ready. And not a minute before. Mikael: What have you done? [He lunges at her, but she stops him easily with magic] Davina: I added a little something extra in the spell that brought you back! [She holds up her wrist, on which she is wearing the dark magic bracelet she took from Cami's arsenal] I spent eight months of my life up here, being used as a secret wapon. [smiles] Now, you can see how it feels. ( She uses her magic to bring him to her, and then forces him on his knees ) Davina: Kneel. ( Davina smirks and telekinetically slams the attic door shut ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY - Tomb ] ( Elijah and Hayley are shackling Genevieve in one of the tombs to get information from her ) Hayley: [furious] Why? Genevieve: The ancestors left me no choice - Hayley: You were willing to sacrifice an innocent baby for more power? Genevieve: No, not just power! It was the ancestors' decree. It was her decree. Elijah: [grabs Genevieve roughly by the face and forces her to look at him] It was whose decree? Genevieve: I'm surprised you have to ask. [laughs weakly] After all, you were the one who convinced your siblings to consecrate her on New Orleans soil. ( Elijah lets go of her, disgusted, as he realizes who she's talking about ) Hayley: [stunned] Esther. Elijah: So, not even death can stop my mother from seeking the annihilation of her own flesh and blood. Genevieve: [anxious] This isn't the end. As long as that child lives, the witches of New Orleans will never stop coming for it. [starts to cry] Esther will never stop coming for it. It has been decreed - your baby will be consecrated among her ancestors. She will not live. [Hayley and Elijah just glare at her. Genevieve begins to bleed from her eyes] Genevieve: They're coming for me, I can feel it. I failed them. Understand - I just wanted to live. Tell Klaus... I'm sorry. [Genevieve starts to choke up blood. Hayley watches her for a moment before sighing and sab her in the stomach with the athame and cutting her abdoment open] Hayley: [furious] I'm not. [Hayley walks out of the tomb, as Elijah follows behind her. Genevieve dies, still restrained by her wrists against the wall] [ THE ABATTOIR ] ( Klaus and Elijah sit in Hayley's room, while Hayley sits with the baby in the rocking chair in the nursery, located right off of her bedroom ) Klaus: We should have felt our mother's hand in this. We should have known she would not be bound by anything as obvious as death. And now, she has control of the witches. They will never stop. Elijah: No. Klaus: Nor would I expect the Guerrera wolves to back down. Hayley and the child are wolf royalty, and as such, they are a thrat to Francesca's claim to the leadership. [Hayley listens to them talk from the other room] They will never be safe. [he pauses for a bat] What was it you said to me earlier? That I have made enemies every day of my miserable life? Well, the worst of them are within these borders, brother. [Elijah sighs in frustration] I have brought into the world a wapon they can use against me. Elijah: Then we will arm ourselves! Brother, we have fought every adversary in this town, and we have won. And we'll fight them again, no matter who they are! We will make this home a fortress. Klaus: [lowers his voice] I will not have her live her life as a prisoner. Elijah: Then we leave here, together. All of us. Klaus: Wherever we go, however far we run, those who seek power and revenge will hunt us! They will hunt her. She has inherited all of our enemies with none of our defenses. Elijah: So, whether we stay, or we leave - we condemn her. Hayley: [stands in the doorway, holding the baby] There's a third option. I grew up in a warzone. My parents thought they could protect me. But, in the end, they were slaughtered, and I spent my childhood alone and unloved. [She looks down at her daughter and smiles at her, while trying to hold back tears] I made a promise, to my baby, and to myself, that she would not grow up like I did. That she would grow up safe, and loved. And yet, here she is, on her first day in this world, with a grandmother who is bent on sacrificing her, [starts to stutter as she cries] and a -a mother, who has to drink the blood of her own baby to survive transitioning into a hybrid. And I'm the one who loves her the most. ( Klaus and Elijah just look at her, saddened ) Hayley: I think the only thing to do is... send her away, while we stay behind and clean up the mess that we've made. Elijah: No! This is insane. You heard Genevieve - so long as she lives, that baby will be hunted. Klaus: [stands up and joins Hayley and the baby] Not if no one knows she lives. Elijah: [confused] What is it you intend to do, brother? Klaus: Whatever it takes to save our family. [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] ( On the main street, Francesca is holding a press conference to cover up the events of the previous day or so. The street is packed with reporters and townspeople, as well as Oliver. Francesca notices Marcel walking among the crowd, and sends a signal to Oliver to follow him while she continues to speak ) Francesca: Today begins a new day in the Quarter. My family, long time residents of this great community, pledges to help every citizen recover from the terrible outbreak of gng volence that erupted on the streets of our city last night. ( Oliver follows Marcel into the Jardin Gris voodoo shop as Francesca finishes her announcement ) Francesca: We will rebuild. We will remember those who perished [gestures to a memorial wall] as we seek to disinfect our town of its worst elements. We will work together to ensure that the heart of the Crescent City thrives again! [ JARDIN GRIS VOODOO SHOP ] ( Oliver opens the door to the shop, where Marcel is waiting for him ) Oliver: [closes the door behind him] Last man standing, huh? Marcel: [shrugs] I'm interested in making a deal. Oliver: Don't look like you got much to offer. Marcel: I'm hearing word the Guerrera's want the Quarter to be a No -Vampire Zone. I can make that happen - in exchange for you leaving us alone across the river. Or, I can unleash hell on your new wolfpack. Oliver: [laughs] And how can you do that? Marcel: Easy! I made my peace with Klaus. He cured me. So now, it's you versus us. Oliver: Klaus is a warmonger. You think he's gonna choose to side with a pack of scrawny vamps, or an army of the new wolf breed that he created? Marcel: I'm thinking he's gonna side with us...[Oliver scoffs] Especially when he finds out that your pack klled his kid. Oliver: [grows serious] What? Marcel: [turns and gestures to a box on the counter] Open the box, and let me know what you think Klaus will believe about who's responsible for what you find inside of it. [Before he leaves, he stops at the doorway] Cremation may be the best way to go, before Klaus smells it on you. [He leaves Oliver alone in the shop, where he nervously approaches the box. When he looks inside, he winces, and his face goes pale] [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] ( Cami approaches the memorial wall on Rue Dumaine, where a crowd of people have gathered to pay their respects to all of the citizens who died in the (covered up) Battle of New Orleans. People cry around her as Cami scans the photos and notes stuck to the wall. She sees a framed sign that reads "In Memorium: Baby Mikaelson" on the wall, and gasps ) [ THE ABATTOIR ] ( Klaus is standing on the balcony over the courtyard, mournfully staring down below, when Cami rushes into the compound ) Cami: Klaus? The baby? Klaus: She died. A few hours after the Guerrera attck. Cami: [gasps and covers her mouth before starting to cry] This is -This is all my fault! Klaus: I can assure you it is not. Cami: No! If I hadn't hesitated, I could have uncovered Francesca's plot in time to stop it! Klaus: And how would you have stopped the coven of witches in league with her? [tears up] No. If anyone is to blame, I am. Cami: I am so, so sorry. Klaus: [turns to face her] Camille. I appreciate you being here, but we cannot be friends. Cami: [confused] What? Klaus: You had me pegged from the start. A man, damaged by his demons. And those demons are not dormant - they're hell -bent on klling me, and everything I find beautiful. [walks closer to Cami] And you, [sighs] you are beautiful. [bat] Please. Please, just go. Cami: Klaus - Klaus: [in tears] Go. ( Cami leaves. Klaus sadly watches her go ) ( On the other side of the courtyard, Elijah watches Cami leave from the balcony, where Klaus joins him ) Elijah: Did Marcel play his part? Klaus: He managed to locate a stillborn baby in a hospital in upstate Louisiana. Elijah: I trust he agreed to the terms. Klaus: He has agreed to allow me to compel him to forget what he knows of my child. In exchange, he wants vials of my blood. Elijah: The witches will have to believe this. Soon, that fourth Harvest girl will resurrect. The coven will rebuild. If they sense that your child lives, they will hunt her. Klaus: The witches will buy what we sell. We just have to sell it properly. ( The two stand in silence for a long moment ) Elijah: Well, then, all that remains is to say goodbye. [ CLOSING MONTAGE ] ( Elijah and Klaus continue their conversation over a montage of clips to wrap everything up ) [In the nursery, Hayley packs up the baby's bag with the letter she wrote to her. Elijah helps her lift the baby out of her cradle and into her arms. Hayley looks away as Elijah gently sticks the baby's finger with a pin to release a large drop of blood. Reluctantly, Hayley kisses the blood off of her finger to complete her transition] ( A crowd of people gather for a candlelight vigil for the deceased community members. Elijah and Hayley arrive to set a bouquet of flowers by Baby Mikaelson's spot on the memorial wall ) KLAUS: [in voiceover] They will be watching us. All of them. The three of us leaving together will draw too much attention. I will go alone. Take your mourning public when I am gone. ELIJAH: [voiceover] I don't imagine that will be too difficult. Grief, after all, is grief. [Francesca watches as Hayley approaches the memorial. She breaks down in tears and blows a kiss to the plaque that announces the baby's "death." Elijah holds out a hand, who takes it] ( On a country road, Klaus sits on the hood of his SUV, holding his swaddled daughter, as he waits for the person who is taking in the baby for them ) ELIJAH: [voiceover] In what world will she be safe without her father? Who can protect her better than we? KLAUS: [voice -over] There is one person. ( A car pulls up to Klaus, and Rebekah gets out. When she sees her brother and her newborn niece, she smiles. Klaus smiles back ) Klaus: Hello, sister. ( Rebekah gently touches the baby, and stares in wonder ) Rebekah: Oh, she looks like her mother. [smiles] Maybe there is a God after all. Klaus: [laughs] Well, she has a hint of the devil in her eyes. That's all me. [bat] I need a witch you can trust to cast a cloaking spell. Rebekah: I'll get one. Klaus: No one can ever find her. Rebekah: I know what to do, Nik. [They both look at the baby] Perhaps we'll get a white fence. I think that would be lovely. ( Klaus holds up the baby to get a last look at her before she leaves with Rebekah ) Klaus: [whispers to the baby] This city would have seen you dad. But, I will have it your home. And every soul who wishes you harm will be struck down, just as sure as my blood runs in your veins. [Rebekah looks horrified] You will return to me. ( Klaus kisses his daughter on the forehead and the cheek before handing her to his sister. Then, he gives Rebekah and the baby the tiny wooden knight that he carved for Rebekah a 1,000 years ago, which causes Rebekah to grab his hand and start to cry ) Klaus: In spite of our differences, Rebekah, there is no one I would trust more with my daughter's life. ( Klaus hugs Rebekah and kisses her on the cheek ) Klaus: Be happy, sister. Rebekah: [smiles] She will be happy, Nik. I promise. [They smile at each other] What's her name? Klaus: [pauses for a moment] Hope. Her name is Hope. [He starts to cry] ( Rebekah leaves to put the baby in her car, as Klaus watches ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Cassie, the fourth and last Harvest girl, awakens and rises from her tomb in the cemetery. She walks out into a clearing and looks around. She walks to a gravesite, where she lays a rose on a headstone. She's soon joined by a fellow witch named Vincent, who appears to have risen from the cemetery as well ) Vincent: May you rest in peace. Cassie: What's the fun in that? [She looks at Vincent] Come along. We have much to do. Vincent: Yes, mother. ( Cassie turns to leave, and Vincent follows her. The camera pans to the gravestone, which reads "Esther: Our Beloved Mother," suggesting that Esther and Finn are inhabiting Cassie and Vincent's bodies ) END	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "01x22 - From a Cradle to a Grave"}	foreverdreaming
( Rebekah rocks with Hope in a rocking chair at their new home while she tells Hope at story about their lives. She tells the story in voiceover as the scene cuts through various flashbacks to the previous season, including Klaus standing on the balcony overlooking the French Quarter, Francesca and her brothers attacking the vampires, Genevieve making the moonlight rings, Klaus being weakened by the rings drawing on his strength, and Hayley mourning Hope's "death" at the memorial for the fallen in the Battle of New Orleans ) Rebekah: [voiceover] Once upon a time, there was a majestic king, who lived with his noble brother in a kingdom where music and art were celebrated. The king did not foresee having a child, but he lived in an enchanted land where all things were possible. In time, he was blessed with a beautiful baby daughter, for whom he wished only peace. [Hope coos at Rebekah] Still, the king had demons who pursued him. There was a ruthless beast who wanted to take the kingdom for her own. Armed with a pack of untamed creatures, she drove the other magical creatures from the land. And, there was a wicked sorceress with enchanted stones that weakened the king every full moon. Seeing the shadow his enemies cast upon his home, the king was driven to send his beloved princess away, convincing all who remained that she was forever lost. ( Elijah locks the gates to the compound so they are no longer open to the public ) Rebekah: [voiceover] The king, in his sorrow, turned away from the world. The castle closed its doors, and the kingdom fell. Some say that the only light that shines in the castle illuminates the shadow of the once majestic king in the room meant for his child. But, as the ruthless beasts took rule over the fallen king's realm, little did they know that he and his brother would not rest until their enemies were vanquished. For, they believed that one day, they would heal their kingdom and bring their precious princess home, so that she might live happily ever after. ( Klaus stands at the window of Hope's nursery, looking down on the street, as Elijah approaches him from behind and places a comforting hand on his shoulder. Elsewhere, Rebekah lays Hope in her crib, setting Klaus' carved wooden knight next to her before turning out the lights and leaving her to sleep ) [ CREDITS ] [ OLMSTEAD FOUNDRY CO. ] ( Elijah and one of Francesca's lackeys are taking a tour of the abandoned foundry with a realtor and fighting over who gets to buy it ) Elijah: [walks around the building] Authentic cast -iron columns... Look at that, the original Bloomry forge, fueled by a charcoal furnace. [he notices a fre sprinkler system up in the ceiling] The modern elements blend quite nicely, indeed. My foundation has aligned itself with the city's Historical Preservation Society. We have a vested interest in seeing this building protected. Guerrera Lackey: This place is a dump! The Guerrera family would be doing this city a favor. ( Elijah is about to speak when he notices the man is wearing a gold ring with a square black stone on his left hand ) Elijah: Well, unfortunately, under the Preservation Act of 1966, we cannot allow the Guerreras to demolish one of the city's original foundries... even if it is for something as noble and distinguished as a casino. [gestures toward the men to leave] So, thank you, gentleman. [smiles fakely] Do give my best to Francesca. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Klaus is listening to Mozart's Requiem in D Minor K 626 -3 on a record player while he furiously tries to stretch a canvas over a wooden frame for a painting. When he tears through the canvas, he angrily throws the canvas across the room, just as Elijah returns from his meeting ) Klaus: [angry] AGHHHHHH! Elijah: [picks up the canvas and inspects it] I suppose we shall have to call this your "white period." Klaus: I'm missing a crucial color in my palette - that of my enemies' blood. Elijah: Well, I recommend a Venetian red, with a dash of rust... Klaus: [loses his temper] It's been months! I've adhered to our plan: sit and do nothing, sell our grief. And now, my child is safely away, and another full moon is upon us - another night of pathetic weakness as the moonlight rings steal my strength! [Elijah gives Klaus a sympathetic look, and Klaus calms down slightly] The nursery is klling me. I need to act. I -I -I need - I need to spill blood. Elijah: Well, then, you'll be pleased to know that I've located the last of the twelve rings forged with your blood. Klaus: [smiles weakly] Then, it's time! Elijah: And none too soon. I'm concerned about Hayley. Klaus: [tenses up and returns to sorting through his art] She looks well enough. Elijah: She looks no better than you, brother. Now, if the two of you would treat each other as more than just... passing acquaintances - Klaus: [interrupts] - She has you for that. Elijah: Sadly, like the father of her child, she prefers to fight her demons alone. [ THE BAYOU ] [Hayley roams around the former werewolf encampments in her wolf form for a while until finally shifting back into human form. She pulls her clothes off of the clothes line and quickly redresses before walking toward Dwayne's old shack. Outside in the grass, she finds a burnt and melted baby doll that was damaged in the explsin, and the sight of it nearly makes her cry] [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Marcel and Cami make love in his bed. Afterward, Marcel pours himself a drink downstairs and stares out the window looking out over the river. Cami, who has just redressed, joins him downstairs on her way out ) Marcel: What's the hurry? Cami: I have to get back to campus. [she grabs her bag off of a chair] I have to meet my new advisor. Apparently, the one I was supposed to have dropped dad. Guy did triathalons, yet couldn't climb a flight of stairs. Marcel: ...Will I see you later? Cami: [sighs] Marcel, you know the deal. No strings, no plans. Marcel: [forces himself to smile] I know, I know. Just feeling nostalgic, I guess. ( Marcel stares out the window, which Cami notices ) Cami: You're not missing anything over there. That bitch Francesca's got her werewolves on every corner. And, as usual, the humans in the know don't care as long as tourism money keeps rolling through. Marcel: [sighs] Yeah... Gotta say, never thought I'd see the day the vampires were kicked out of the Quarter. Cami: [smiles] And I never thought I'd be sleeping with one, so I guess life is full of surprises. ( Marcel smiles at her and kisses her on the cheek, but pulls away awkwardly and turns away ) Marcel: How's Klaus? Cami: [hesitates] Nobody knows. Marcel: Not even you? Cami: Not even me. Marcel: It doesn't make sense. The wolves attcked him in his home, took his town, probably klled his kid... I mean, why hasn't he struck back? Cami: He's in mourning. Marcel: No, no... if anyone can mourn and mrder at the same time, it's him. Something's up. Just wish I knew what. Cami: [looks concerned, and tries to cheer him up] I saw Davina... She's doing well. She's back in high school. She told her whole witch coven to shove it. Marcel: [smiles and chuckles to himself] Good. Good girl. Cami: [hesitates] Maybe it's better...? Just move forward, not hold onto things we can't change. Marcel: [tenses] Yeah. Maybe. [ SECOND LIFE VINYL SHOP ] ( Davina is at the record shop to pick up some records from the shop owner, Joe. Behind her, a young man browses through the crates of records ) Joe: [hands Davina a record] Here you go, Davina. Now, sometime you're gonna have to give me the low -down on why you're so hooked on ancient Icelandic folk music! Davina: [laughs] It's for someone else. Joe: I sure hope so! ( Davina turns to leave and runs into the young guy as he heads out the door. He stops and smiles at her before leaving, and Davina awkwardly smiles back at him. Before she can leave, Oliver enters the shop ) Oliver: [smiles] Hey there, cutie. Davina: [unimpressed] Don't call me that. Oliver: So, I heard that you ditched your coven. [picks up a record and examines it] That's too bad. That other Harvest girl, Cassie? She has been super helpful to all us wolves. Davina: She's making you moonlight rings, Oliver. I wouldn't call that helpful, I'd call that an alliance. Oliver: Well, you can call it whatever you want. As long as we don't have to turn on the full moon anymore, it works for me. [leans in closer and whispers] Look, I'd take off if I were you. Things are about to get a little ugly in here. [raises voice and shouts to the rest of the store patrons] Hey y'all, store's closed. Get out, now! Joe: [confused] Hey, what are you doing? Oliver: It's Joe Dalton, right? You see, I've been studying up on this store. It's been a staple of the Quarter for ninety years... it was run by you, your daddy, and then his daddy before him? Joe: [tense] That's right. Oliver: Yeah, you see, the thing is, Joe, there just ain't many photos of anyone in your family...[pulls out an old black and white photo of a young man] ...but you. ( Davina realizes he's a vampire, just as Joe realizes he's been outed ) Davina: Oliver, NO. ( Joe vamp -speeds toward the door, but he's blocked in by two more werewolves, all with moonlight rings ) Davina: Stop! Stop it! STOP IT! ( The werewolves wrestle with Joe and extend their fangs to bite him, when Davina hits them all with a mystical migraine, leaving Joe unhurt. They all fall to their knees before Joe can be bitten ) Davina: Joe, get out of here! ( Joe flees. Oliver winces and glares at Davina, still on his knees on the floor ) [ FRANCESCA'S MANSION ] [Francesca holds a meeting in her office with the eleven other werewolves with moonlight rings and Cassie, who is still secretly possessed by Esther] Francesca: [aggravated] We have a deal, Cassie! Witches don't get in our way when it comes to klling vampires who enter the Quarter. Cassie/Esther: [calm] Davina is not in our coven anymore. The rules don't apply to her. Francesca: [enraged] Well, make them apply! [she paces around the office] Get everyone out of my face! They're here, hovering, all the time! Oliver: They're just doing their job. Francesca: Their job is to protect me from Klaus Mikaelson! Who, by the way, has not set foot outside his house in months! All this waiting... I'm losing my mind! [sees a pack member staring at her and freaks out] Anyone who's not paid to protect me, go! Get out! ( Cassie and the other werewolves leave the room. Cassie leaves the house and joins Vincent (still possessed by Finn), who is waiting for her outside ) Cassie/Esther: She's unraveling. Poor thing. Cracking under the pressure. Vincent/Finn: I assume that was Elijah and Niklaus' goal all along? Cassie/Esther: [smirks] Say what you will, they are impressive strategists. Vincent/Finn: A trait they inherited from you, dear Mother. Cassie/Esther: [laughs] I suppose they did, Finn. Francesca Guerrera will be her own undoing. Let's see how impressive your brothers are when they finally come up against me. ( Vincent/Finn nods in agreement, and the two continue to walk down the sidewalk ) [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] ( Cami walks down a street in the French Quarter after grabbing a coffee. As she walks, two werewolf lackeys of Francescas, both with moonlight rings, start following her. Cami quickly notices she's being followed and turns around to confront them ) Cami: It never gets old for you guys, does it? Like a couple of dogs with a bone. Tell Francesca I'm just trying to live a normal life. See if you can get that through her thick, canine skull. ( She waits for them to respond, but they just silently glare at her. She sighs ) Cami: Why do I bother? [hands her coffee to one of them] Here. Your regular extra sugar, right? ( Cami, annoyed, walks away without a second glance. Once she's put some distance between herself and the werewolves, her face begins to look worried ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Cami manages to sneak into the Abbatoir and looks around the courtyard for Klaus. She wanders through the covered -up furniture and heads for the stairs, but stops when she hears a noise ) Cami: Hello? ( She continues to look around and hears a whooshing sound nearby ) Cami: Klaus? ( She heads up the stairs, but stops when she senses someone behind her. She instinctively touches her neck. Klaus is behind her, looking sad ) Cami: [whispers] Klaus? ( She turns around, but Klaus is gone. Disappointed, Cami continues to ascend the staircase. When she reaches the top, Klaus can be seen staring at her from one of the balconies overlooking the courtyard, but he ducks out of view when Cami turns toward him ) Cami: Klaus, I know you're here somewhere. We need to talk. Elijah: [appears out of nowhere] He doesn't wish to see you. Cami: [startled] Ahh! Elijah. Where the hell did you come from? Elijah: [unamused] I beg your pardon? Aren't you the one who is trespassing? [bat] He doesn't care much for conversation these days. And, he certainly wouldn't care for the fact that you've put yourself in danger by coming here. Cami: [frustrated] I'm already in danger. I have Guerreras following me like it's a police state. The city's being run by gangsters, and you guys aren't doing anything about it. Marcel took them out a hundred years ago without any of you, don't you think he might be up for lending you a hand? Elijah: [stares at her] Thank you for coming, Camille. [He gestures toward the door to communicate he would like her to leave, and she reluctantly follows him before turning and stopping him] Cami: I know your family is grieving. But I know you don't believe those rumors that Marcel klled the baby. So, if you want help taking down the Guerreras, you have a wapon across the river just waiting to be fired. Use it. ( Cami turns away and leaves, while Elijah watches her from the balcony. After a moment, Klaus joins him ) Elijah: [smiles] I like her spirit. Klaus: [depressed] So do I. [ ACROSS THE RIVER / MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Marcel has just met up near the docks with Josh, who has brought him at least a dozen humans in which to look for potential vampire recruits ) Josh: [whispers to Marcel] Dude, come on! This is, like, the twentieth group I've brought you. There's gotta be a keeper in there somewhere. Marcel: I'll be the judge of that ( Marcel gestures to Josh to go next door before he walks toward the group to address them ) Marcel: I know you're all wondering how you got here. Don't worry about that for now. Instead, I want you to think about your lives. [he approaches a young man and compels him] Don't be afraid. [he continues speaking to the crowd] Remember when you were a kid, and you felt like anything was possible? Then, you grew up, things didn't turn out like you planned. But still, there was that part inside of you that would dream. Maybe you wanted strength. Maybe you wanted to be a part of something, something bigger than yourselves. [looks at a young, tough -looking girl] Maybe you wanted to be a fighter. Have something worth fighting for. Maybe some of you even wanted to live forever. Well, you can have it! All of it. Because that's what being a vampire is all about. ( The young girl looks intrigued. Marcel approaches another man in the group ) Marcel: Oh, don't be afraid. What do you have to fear, when you can do this? ( Marcel picks up the man and throws him hundreds of feet into the air, where he is caught by Josh, who is standing on the top floor of a nearby building ) Josh: [smiles] I know! Pretty cool, right? Marcel: When you leave here, you'll forget this. But somewhere, deep down, you'll know the offer still exists to join me. Be like me. And, only then, will you find your way back here. Because you want it. Because you need it. ( Josh and Marcel enter Marcel's loft, where they discuss their progress for the day ) Josh: My money's on the rocker chick. Marcel: I wouldn't bet on it. We'll be lucky to get one from that group. Josh: How can you tell? They all seem tough, what are you looking for? Marcel: [pours them drinks] I'm not looking for tough guys, Josh. I'm looking for warriors. Josh: [rolls his eyes] What's the difference? ( Klaus, who has just arrived, calls out from the doorway ) Klaus: A warrior fights for what they believe in. A warrior fights for his family. ( Klaus smiles at them, and after a moment, Marcel smiles back ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Elijah is in the middle of packing up Hope's nursery when Hayley finally returns home ) Hayley: [enters the room] What do you think you're doing, Elijah? Elijah: Welcome back. What is it, the third night this week? Hayley: [annoyed] I don't need a caretaker. Hybrids are invincible, right? What are you doing, Elijah? Elijah: As we have discussed, our illusion needs to be flawless. Now, months have passed. It's the appropriate time. Hayley: What's next on the "appropriate" list? Klaus and I hold our heads up high and say we're ready to try again? Elijah: I understand this is difficult for you - Hayley: [shouts] - What's difficult is knowing that Francesca Guerrera is still breathing after she was the one who plotted with the witches to kll my baby. Elijah: You will have your vengeance, I promise you this. Hayley: [glares at him] Well, until then, this is my room, and I'll tell you when it's appropriate to clean it out. [Hayley, upset, moves out of the way so Elijah can leave the room] [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] ( Mikael is pacing around the church's attic, listening to the Icelandic folk music Davina got for him, when he suddenly hears a noise and throws the indestructible white oak stake toward the door, where it embeds itself in the wall. Davina stands in the doorway and rolls her eyes ) Davina: [sighs] I don't know why you keep showing off. You know you can't hurt me. Mikael: Oh, but the desire I have to do so. ( Davina holds her wrist in front of his face so he can feed on her ) Mikael: I am Mikael, the vampire who hunts vampires. Your young -thing blood does little to sustain me. Davina: Feed. ( Mikael's eye veins involuntarily pop out, and he reluctantly bites down on her wrist and feeds ) Davina: [annoyed] Stop. ( Mikael pulls away, clearly annoyed, and wipes the blood from his mouth with his hands. He spots the bracelet around Davina's wrist and touches it ) Mikael: Oh, I wish I could rip this from you, break that which binds me to you, and complete the task for which you resurrected me - kll the bastard who calls himself my son. Davina: You can't take off the bracelet, and you can't kll Klaus. Not until I figure out how to save my friends from dying, too. ( Davina kneels next to a large trunk on the floor and opens it before pulling out Esther's grimoire ) Davina: I've studied their mother's spellbook for weeks. I'm getting close. Once I unlink my friends from Klaus' sire line, I will unleash you to be the monster that you are so eager to be. Mikael: [smirks] Music to my ears, my little witch. [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Marcel and Klaus are drinking and playing Go while they discuss how to deal with taking back New Orleans ) Marcel: The wolves have the numbers. Back in 1925, the Guerrera pack was maybe a hundred. We went guerrilla warfare on their asses and wiped them out over a four day fight. [he places a stone on the Go board] But, we're not just talking about Guerreras now. They've had wolves coming in from packs all over. Klaus: Well, we don't have to ht them all. Only the twelve with the rings that take me out every full moon. Marcel: Wait, you want to find twelve rings? Go out and chop off the hands of every wolf you find 'til you get what you want! I mean, come on! You taught me that. [Klaus smiles and places a stone on the board] You and Elijah are stalling. Why? Klaus: Because it's possible they're in possession of something very dangerous to us. Marcel: [stunned] They have the stake that can kll you. Klaus: It went missing... the night I lost my child. So, it's in play, and the thought of that makes me very nervous. Especially on nights like tonight. ( Klaus looks out the window, where the full moon can be seen in the sky. Marcel looks uncomfortable ) Marcel: Why would you tell me that? Klaus: [suspicious] Depends. Do you have it? Marcel: 'Course not. That kind of wapon does me no good. You die, I die, along with every vampire we've ever sired. Klaus: [relieved] Well, then, perhaps you'd like to help me get it back? We attck the wolves, tonight, when the moon hits its apex. They won't expect it while I'm weak. ( Their conversation is interrupted by Joe, who has just arrived at Marcel's loft ) Joe: Hey, bad news or good news? Marcel: [laughs and stands up] Klaus, Joe. Joe, Klaus. Now, you wanna talk Guerreras - nobody fought harder back in 1925 than Joe, here. Fought so hard he retired into retail, been keeping the peace ever since and living right under their noses. Joe: [sits down on couch] Yeah, well, good news is, your order came in this morning. And, bad news? I got made. Your friend Davina saved my ass, but what's done is done. So, pour me a drink, and play me a song, because it's gonna be my last. Marcel: Joe. Don't be dramatic. [he hands him a drink] Just head out of town 'til things blow over. Joe: No way. I don't run from Guerreras. Marcel: You don't leave, you won't have to. They'll sniff you out in a day. Joe: Hey, let them come hunt me down! 'Cause I've had a good ride. Klaus: [pleased] How would you like to get back in the fight, Joe? Joe: [interested] So, what do you have in mind? Klaus: I've been thinking about this whole thing the wrong way. The Guerrera pack loves to hunt. They're primal, alphas. I gave you my reason for not making a move these past few months - what, pray tell, is theirs? Marcel: [smiles in realization] They don't have the stake. Well, then who the hell does? Klaus: [shrugs] Well, tonight it doesn't matter. Because tonight, we're going on a wolf hunt! [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Klaus has returned to the compound to discuss their plan with Elijah ) Klaus: We have the Guerreras where we want them. We have them waiting, we have them worried, and now, we know they're an army with no defenses against an Original. Elijah: We don't know that for certain. Klaus: I'm willing to gamble. Elijah: It's too risky! The stake didn't just disappear, someone has it. Klaus: [shrugs] One enemy at a time! In the end, we'll slay them all. ( Klaus sits down at the table, just as he feels one of the moonlight rings being activated to keep the wearer from turning, weakening him ) Klaus: Tonight, we just have to plant the right seeds, and for that, we need help. [ SECOND LIFE VINYL SHOP ] ( Joe returns to his record store, only to find that Oliver and a group of werewolves with moonlight rings are waiting for him ) Oliver: [chuckles] You know, I am starting to think that you have a death wish. Joe: Look, I just want to get my stuff and get out of town. Oliver: [crosses his arms over his chest] And why would we let you do that? Joe: [smirks] 'Cause I've got information that could be very useful to Francesca Guerrera. ( Oliver's smile falls, and he looks interested ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND / GUERRERA MANSION ] ( Elijah, Hayley, and Klaus continue to plan their attck against the Guerreras that night ) Elijah: We're taking the twelve original rings. Now, four of them sit on the hands of the Guerrera brothers. One on Oliver, one on Francesca, three with the home security detail, and the rest scattered amongst her lackeys. Now, each ring is distinguishable by its setting - gauche, like those that wear them. ( AT THE GUERRERA MANSION, Joe has been brought to see Francesca by the werewolves, where he is giving them the information he claimed to have. Her fellow moonlight -ring -wearing werewolves and Cassie/Esther are there as well ) Joe: Klaus thinks you have the white oak stake. Francesca: But, we don't! Cassie/Esther: That doesn't matter, because if they think you have it, it means they don't know where it is. Francesca: Do a spell. Find it. Now. ( Meanwhile, Klaus, Hayley, and Klaus continue to scheme ) Klaus: If they believe they can get their hands on the stake, they will come for me when I am weak. Each ring you retrieve will strengthen me, but I will still at a disadvantage. Elijah: Ergo, any hope of our success depends entirely upon our working together. [looks at Hayley] The two of you can no longer afford to retreat to separate corners. [Hayley looks over at Klaus, who sighs and stands up to look at her] Klaus: This is our fight. Are you ready for battle, Hayley? Hayley: Just promise me that Francesca doesn't come out of this alive. Klaus: [smiles weakly] Her head will be delivered to you on a silver platter, little wolf. Elijah: [goes to leave] I'll deal with the last piece of the puzzle. [ GUERRERA MANSION ] ( Cassie/Esther is doing a locator spell for the indestructible white oak stake, while Francesca paces around anxiously ) Cassie/Esther: [chants a spell] Learm filium akenbe exoculus. Vindi - [stops chanting and frowns] It's no good, I can't find it. It must be cloaked. I'd love to know by whom. [Francesca becomes angry and glares at Joe] Francesca: I'm afraid you'll have to tell us the whole story this time. Not just enough to keep yourself alive. Joe: Francesca, I told you - Francesca: [cuts him off] - And I'm telling you, give me something I don't already know, or you die right now. Spill, and you walk out that door. Who has the white oak stake? Joe: [nervous] Rumor has it... it landed in the hands of the priest. [ CAMI'S APARTMENT ] ( The two Guerrera werewolf lackeys who followed Cami earlier have arrived at her home, where they're trashing her furniture to scare her into giving them information ) Cami: [furious] It's not enough I can't even go on a walk? And now you have to do this? Guerrera Lackey 1: You know how to stop this. [picks up a lamp and smashes it on the floor] Where's the stake? Cami: Fine. Whatever. [picks up a pad of paper and scribbles an address on it] Why do I care? This is not even my fight. [hands it to Lackey #1] There. That's where you'll find what you want. Now, all you need is my uncle's key. Guerrera Lackey 1: And where is that? Cami: [rolls her eyes in annoyance and grabs a key hanging on a key hook] Hiding in plain sight, genius. ( Cami hands him the key before opening her door and showing the two men out. When they leave, she leans against the door and sighs. Outside the nearby window, Elijah is seen standing guard to ensure Cami wasn't hurt in the confrontation. She nods at him, and he leaves ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND / GUERRERA MANSION ] ( Klaus kneels on the floor of his art room, weakened, surrounded by canvases while he waits for the plan to begin ) [Francesca is outlining her own plan to her pack and Cassie/Esther] Francesca: Klaus will be at his weakest for the next few hours. Once you retrieve the white oak stake, be ready to use it. [turns to Oliver] You take a group to the compound and subdue him while he's still weak. Oliver: What about Elijah and Hayley? There's no way they'll leave his side tonight. Francesca: [paces] Elijah can be weakened by our bites. As for Hayley... whoever rips out her heart gets a bonus! ( The pack members start to leave to fulfill their duties, but Oliver hangs back ) Oliver: And where will you be? Francesca: Here, where it's safe. They're vampires! They can't get into the house without an invitation. Oliver: So, we risk our lives while you hide? Francesca: I'm the top dog! Your job is to ensure that the battle doesn't come to me! [ OLMSTEAD FOUNDRY CO. ] ( The two werewolves from Cami's apartment, along with several others, have arrived at the foundry, where Cami sent them to look for the white oak stake ) Guerrera Lackey 1: Start from the corners. Work the room from the outside in. ( As the men look around, they notice a dark figure vamp -speeding past them. They hear the noise and turn to find Marcel standing above them on a platform near the ceiling ) Guerrera Lackey 1: Huh, look what we have here. ( Marcel raises his hands in a non -thrat pose, distracting them while Josh quickly exits the building and locks the doors, trapping them inside ) Marcel: I know your boss wanted to buy this place, but... I've been stockpiling wolfsbane for months, and I just really needed a place to store it! ( Marcel pulls a lighter from his pocket and lights it before holding it near one of the overhead sprinkler system, causing it to spray wolfsbane -infused water down on the werewolves. Their skin burns from the exposure to wolfsbane, causing them to scream in pain. They desperately try to break through the doors to escape, but they can't. Marcel pushes Lackey #1 against the door and slices his fingers off, including the one with the moonlight ring ) Marcel: I'm gonna need that! [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND / GUERRERA MANSION ] ( AT THE COMPOUND, Klaus, still kneeling on the floor, gasps in relief as he begins to gain some of his strength back from the lackey losing his ring. He smiles and rolls his neck. Meanwhile, many of the Guerrera werewolves, including Oliver, invde the compound and quickly split up. Two of the werewolves head for one of the staircases, where Hayley vamp -speeds toward them and snaps both of their necks instantly. She slips each of their rings off of their fingers, and Klaus, having regained more strength, smirks and grabs his palette off of the nearby easel. ) ( AT THE MANSION, Francesca is sitting at her desk, filling out paperwork, while two of her brothers sit across from her, watching her boredly. She looks up at them and rolls her eyes before returning to her work. Suddenly, one of the werewolves is thrown past the window behind her, and the three stand up to see what is happening. Just then, a large amount of blood splatters against the window, indicating that someone has gn taking out her security detail. Outside the house, Elijah is sitting on the side of a fountain while he breaks off the moonlight -ring finger of the man's hand and places it in his pocket square ) ( AT THE COMPOUND, Klaus, growing ever stronger, smiles widely as he grabs a handful of paintbrushes off of an end table ) [ OLMSTEAD FOUNDRY/MIKAELSON COMPOUND/GUERRERA MANSION ] ( AT THE FOUNDRY, Marcel is still fighting with the Guerrera werewolves, who are still severely brned from the wolfsbane water that is raining down on them. He sees the ring on the second lackey's hand and rips his entire arm off of his body ) ( AT THE COMPOUND, Klaus gasps in relief as he gets even stronger from the loss of the most recent ring, and smiles. He sets down a canvas as he prepares to paint, and takes a paintbrush in each hand, holding them in a defensive manner ) ( AT THE GUERRERA MANSION, Francesca's security detail rushes outside of the house, where they find a cheerful Elijah waiting for them ) Elijah: [smiles] Good evening! [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] [Hayley has just finished removing the other ring from the werewolf she klled when many more Guerrera wolves find her and crowd around her. Hayley tenses as she takes in the thrat, noticing a moonlight ring on the finger of one of the female security guards] Hayley: Have I mentioned that I've had a rotten couple of months? [Hayley's hybrid face comes out, and she lunges for the crowd] ( Upstairs, two Guerrera wolves have made their way to Klaus' study, where they see him kneeling weakly on the floor. Sensing that they're approaching, Klaus flips the paintbrushes in his hands and waits until they get closer. Downstairs, Hayley has removed the ring from the female security guard's hand, returning more strength to him. Once they're close, Klaus smiles and quickly turns to forcefully throw the paintbrushes toward them, impaling the wolves in their throats and klling them ) ( Oliver slowly walks around the downstairs of the compound, but is quickly found by Hayley, who violently beats him up before slamming him against the wall ) Hayley: You think you're strong because of that ring you wear? You're NOTHING. We were strong, we were part of a pack, and you ruined it. [Hayley pulls the ring off his finger] ( Upstairs, Klaus drags the bodies of the two werewolves he klled toward the canvas he laid on the floor, smiling as he does so ) ( Downstairs, Hayley holds Oliver's ring in front of his face ) Hayley: If I see you with one of these again, I will kll you myself. ( Upstairs, Klaus happily dips his paintbrush into the wounds of the corpse's neck and uses his blood as paint while he works on his newest painting ) [ GUERRERA MANSION ] [Francesca and her brothers walk toward the front door just as another large splatter of blood lands on the frosted glass windows. They look alarmed as the door opens by itself, just before a severed head is thrown through the doorway, where it rolls into the foyer and lands at Francesca's feet. Alarmed, Francesca and her brothers slowly approach the door, where Elijah is waiting for them on their front porch. He wipes his bloody hands on a pocket square, and Francesca tries to play it cool] Francesca: [fake smiles] Hmm. [turns to her brothers] It's fine! He can't come in. Elijah: [amused] Can't I? Francesca: [laughs] Don't bluff me! You can't win. Elijah: [smiles] You mobsters all suffer from such hubris. [Francesca raises her eyebrows at him] Did you know Al Capone thought himself invincible back in his day? And, in the end, he was sentenced to the wretched filth of Alcatraz, for which of his atrocities? Anyone? A failure to pay his taxes! I suppose the devil's in the details, isn't it? [he looks around the inside of her mansion] My, my, you have a beautiful home, here. [Francesca looks at her brother nervously] I was so pleased when the city took my suggestion to protect its heritage status and invoke imminent domain. [Francesca's smirk fades in horror] I suppose that means this house now belongs to the public. And, as such, anyone can enter without invitation. [Francesca watches in fear as Elijah take a dramatic step forward over the threshold. He smirks as Francesca and her brothers stand defensively and prepare to fight. [ MIKAELSON MANSION ] ( Klaus is continuing to paint with the blood of the werewolves he klled, as Elijah returns to the compound and joins him ) Klaus: I'm still not at full strength. Which of the rings are unaccounted for? Elijah: Only one. I must say, the brothers fought valiantly before Ms. Guerrera escaped. Klaus: [turns to look at Elijah, shocked] You let her get away? Elijah: ...Not exactly. [ BACKROADS OF NEW ORLEANS ] [Francesca is desperately speeding down the road in her attempt to flee town before the Mikaelsons can kll her. She anxiously turns around to see if anyone is following her, but when she turns back, she sees someone (Hayley) standing in the middle of the road and slams on her brakes. When Francesca finally stops, she looks up again, but Hayley is gone. Suddenly, her car door is pulled open, and Hayley rips her from inside the vehicle] [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Marcel is having a drink and listening to jazz music on his record player when Josh returns to the loft ) Josh: [panicked] Marcel! They got Joe. Marcel: [sighs, disappointed] Joe knew what he was getting himself into. Josh: [confused] So, what? "Hey, come on, join our team? Your reward will be your death?" Marcel: [rolls his eyes] Here's what you gotta understand. Vamps like Joe? They know what it feels like in the battle, and what it feels like to sit on the sidelines. Joe sat it out for a long time, but when the fight came to him, he got back in. Because he'd rather die on his feet than live on his knees. That's a warrior. Josh: [hesitates] Wh -What are we fighting for? Marcel: Me? I'm fighting for my home. For the dignity of the vampires who were run out of there. [stands up to look him in the eye] The question is, what are you fighting for? Josh: [sighs] That's the problem! I have no idea! The wolves took over the Quarter. We bat them back today, they'll fight us back tomorrow. It's nuts! And all for a few measly blocks of real estate? Marcel: [hands Josh a drink] I was born here in a time far more shameful than now. And even then, this city was worth fighting for. My blood runs through the gutters of this city, along with the blood of my closest friends. And yeah, Klaus and I fought side -by -side against the Guerreras. But, you know, before long, he's gonna want to be king of the wolves. His blood runs deep, here, too. [Josh looks guilty. Marcel gestures toward the record player] You hear that? That is the first, last, and only album that my friend Thierry Vanchure ever made. It could have only been made here. [Josh smiles in understanding] We're not fighting for real estate, we're fighting for the soul of this city. ( The rocker girl from earlier, Gia, wanders into Marcel's loft, looking confused. Marcel and Josh immediately stare at her ) Gia: Hello? [sees Marcel and Josh] Hi. I'm sorry. Uh, this is weird. I just kind of found my way here? ( Josh looks over at Marcel and smiles. Marcel smiles back ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] [Hayley has just returned home and is frantically destroying the furniture, completely overwhelmed by her various emotions. Elijah hears the commotion and runs up to see what is going on] Elijah: Hey! Hayley! Please! ( Elijah tries to grab her arms to settle her down, but Hayley backs away from him. Elijah looks at her in concern and worry ) Hayley: [exhausted] I klled her. [Flashback to earlier, when Hayley klled Francesca by biting her neck and feeding on her to death] Hayley: Francesca looked me in the eye and begged me for her life as I tore her apart. But I don't feel better! I don't feel peace! I don't feel ANYTHING. Elijah: It's perfectly natural given what you're experiencing - Hayley: Nothing about what I am, Elijah, is NATURAL! Elijah: [trying to calm her] As a hybrid, you will begin to experience feelings with a greater intensity. It will take time to master control. Hayley: [shakes her head] I don't want to live like this, Elijah. I hate it! When I was living with the Crescents in the Bayou, I finally understood the... purity of being a wolf... the nobility. [bat] I klled eight wolves tonight before I got to Francesca. Eight of my own people. What's noble about that? I acted no better than a... Elijah: [saddened] ...Than a vampire? Hayley: [whispers] Everything has changed. And not just for me. [she walks toward him] I saw the way you looked at me before. And, I see the way you look at me now. I was a mother, and now I'm a monster. [Elijah looks at her with sympathy] Things are different now. You can't tell me that they're not. ( She waits for him to say something, but he remains silent. She leaves the room ) Elijah: Hayley! ( She doesn't stop or turn back. Elijah stands in the nursery alone and thinks about what has happened ) [ SECOND LIFE VINYL SHOP ] ( Davina walks over to the record shop, only to find that it has closed due to Joe's death. She looks sad as she reads the sign. Behind her, the young man she saw at the store the previous day walks up behind her ) Young Man: Aw, this sucks. [Davina turns to look at him] No trades today. I mean, it's worse for you, of course - guy had the market cornered on the ancient Icelandic folk scene. Davina: [laughs] Those weren't for me! Kaleb: [chuckles, and holds out his hand] I'm Kaleb. Davina: [shakes his hand] Davina. Kaleb: Wow. Cool name! Terrible taste in music. You obviously need me. [smiles] ( Davina looks slightly awkward, but still smiles at him ) [ MIKAELSON MANSION ] ( Klaus and Elijah are destroying the stones from the rings ) Klaus: Could you not just take a sledgehammer to them? Elijah: These were forged by a witch, brother. And, as such, only the elements of fre and water can destroy them. [Elijah rolls up his sleeves and gathers a pitcher of water and a stone bowl with burning charcoal in it[ Elijah: I'd have thought this would have brought you greater pleasure. Klaus: [depressed] As would I. This was my fault. All of it. [Elijah looks at him in surprise] If I had just accepted Hayley's pregnancy instead of... [his voice breaks] playing king... I should have listened to you. Instead, my greed and my envy robbed me of my daughter. My actions led to the release of the wapon that can kll not just me, but you. Elijah: In a thousand years, I've survived your attempts to destroy me, brother. [he gathers up the stones and drops them in the bowl with the burning charcoal] I imagine I can survive this. Klaus: [confused] You chase my redemption, like a man rolling a stone up an endless mountain. Elijah: [picks up the pitcher and pours it over the stones and charcoal, destroying them] Well, no mountain is endless, brother. Some are just steeper than others. ( Klaus stares in the bowl, where the stones have broken apart, revealing small drops of Klaus' blood ) Elijah: As much as I would like to be the one to comfort Hayley in this moment, I believe that only you can understand her grief. Klaus: We lost our child... I mean, what could I possibly say to ease her pain? Elijah: [places a comforting hand on Klaus' shoulder] Whatever she needs to hear. [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Marcel and Cami are laying in Marcel's bed after another round of hooking up ) Cami: Do you think things will be better in the Quarter, now? Marcel: No. But, it was nice fighting with Klaus for a change. Cami: I'm sorry about Joe. The guy was brave. Marcel: [smiles and turns toward her] So were you. Cami: [looks uncomfortable] Doesn't matter. This has to stop, Marcel. Us. The deeper I'm in it with you, the deeper I'm into everything, and... I have to get my certification, I have to help human people with their human problems. And, I can't do that if I keep letting myself get pulled back in. I'm sorry. This has to end. ( Cami gets out of bed to get dressed, leaving Marcel alone in his bed ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] [Hayley and Klaus sit in one of the living rooms and talk] Klaus: It will get better. Hayley: When? I'm immortal now. If I can't get through today, how am I supposed to get through forever? Klaus: [sighs and hesitates before speaking] You know, over the years, I've had my share of friends, enemies, lovers, losses, and triumphs. With time, they all begin to run together. But, you will find that the real moments are vibrant. The rest just fades away. Your pain will fade. Hayley: Not until I can hold my baby in my arms again. Klaus: And so you shall. But, in order to do that, we need to regain control of the city. Now, we worked separately to unite those wolves. We can work together to do it again. They don't need to be our enemies. Hayley: After ambushing them, they're not going to want to be our friends, Klaus. Klaus: You waged a just wr on those who would harm your child! Not only will they respect you, they will answer to you! Hayley: Why would they do that now? Klaus: [smiles] Because you're their queen. Hayley: What about all our other enemies? The witches don't stop even after they're dad. Klaus: We defeated my mother and her witches because we stood united. [he gets up to sit next to Hayley on the couch] That is how we will face all our enemies. As a family. ( Klaus takes her hand in his and squeezes it comfortingly. Hayley smiles a small smile, and Klaus smiles back ) [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] ( Vincent/Finn is sitting at a table outside a cafe and orders a pastry before Cami crosses the street to join him ) Cami: Mr. Griffith? Vincent/Finn: Hey! Cami: [holds out her hand to shake his] Cami. I can't thank you enough for sponsoring my supervised residency. Vincent/Finn: Please, call me Vincent! [gestures to her to sit down] [ COVEN HOUSE ] ( Cassie/Esther and Vincent/Finn are meeting to discuss their progress ) Cassie/Esther: Did she buy it? Vincent/Finn: Entirely. The humans are weak. [he holds his hand over a candle's flame] Their bodies are so strange. I'd forgotten what it feels like to be this vulnerable. Cassie/Esther: At least you're not stuck in the body of a teenager. ( Kaleb enters the room ) Kaleb/Kol: Well, I love my body, Mother. I'm pretty sure Davina Claire does, too! [he sits down at the table with them] Cassie/Esther: Don't be purile. We have work to do. Your brothers did me a favor by klling Francesca. Now, I will control the witches and the werewolves. With the vampires in exile, we can begin to take root in our new home. Finn, Kol, let's get to work! We have a family reunion to plan. ( Cassie/Esther looks over at Vincent/Finn and Kaleb/Kol, and smiles ) END	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x01 - Rebirth"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... This town was my home. I want it back. All of your scheming, the enemies that you have made every single day of your miserable life, what results did you expect, that your child would be born into a happy life? This was our family's hope. We need to regain control of the city. I'm fighting for my home, for the dignity of the vampires who were run out of there. The offer still exists to join me. Mikael: You brought me back to kll my son. When I'm ready, not a minute before. Klaus: We should have known our mother would not be bound by anything as obvious as death. You have much to do. Yes, mother. I'm Kaleb. Cassie: Finn, Kol, we have a family reunion to plan. Elijah: What is it that you intend to do, brother? Whatever it takes to save our family. [ FLASHBACK - CADIZ, SPAIN, 1702 ] [In the distance, a fre rages in a village, while two men on horseback flee from the thrat. Inside a cottage, dozens of dad bodies are strewn around the floor, and blood is everywhere. Suddenly, Klaus and Elijah arrive] Klaus: [angry] Kol! ( Elijah and Klaus enter the home and are disgusted by the scene ) Elijah: [sighs] All of my efforts to keep this family concealed. Yet, debauchery like this has led Father directly to us. Klaus: [shouts] Kol? Show yourself! This is no time for games. ( After a moment, Kol (in his original body) stumbles back into the cottage, still feeding on a woman as she whimpers in fear. Once he's fed on her to death, he drops her body carelessly to the floor ) Kol: [smiles and gestures toward them] Come, come, brother! It's always time for games! ( Kol takes a swig from a nearby mug of alcohol and lifts it toward them in a toast ) Elijah: We must leave. Mikael is very nearly upon us. Kol: [sits down and props his feet on the table] If Mikael were upon us, I imagine Niklaus would be quite dad. Klaus: [angry] I barely escaped! Father left the head of my horse on a pike in the town square! Kol: [mocks him] He klled poor Theo? What a beast. But, then, Father's always hated you most. Surely he'll chase you if you flee, leaving me here. Perhaps I'll make myself mayor? Elijah: [unamused] Rebekah and Finn have already boarded the ship. It is imperative that we remain together. Kol: [rises to his feet and walks toward Klaus] Rebekah does what she's told because she fears Nik. And Finn is in no position to argue, given the dagger in his heart. [smiles] I'll take my chances here! ( Kol turns to walk away, but Elijah is blocking his path. He then turns back around to find Klaus blocking the other way. Kol's eyes widen in alarm once he realizes what they're intending ) Klaus: I find it amusing that you think you have a choice. ( Klaus pulls out the dagger and holds it up to Kol's chest, while Elijah holds Kol down from behind ) Kol: [furious] No! I swear to you, the day will come when I'm not so easily subdued! And, on that day, I will make you suffer! Klaus: Perhaps! But, today is not that day. ( Klaus shoves the dagger into Kol's heart, and Kol screams as he begins to desiccate ) [ FRENCH QUARTER - PRESENT DAY ] ( Kol, in Kaleb's body, smirks as he walks down the streets of the Quarter. He spots a pretty girl in a sundress walking down the street while she talks on her phone, and uses magic to create a wind gust that blows her skirt up. When he crosses the street, he steals an apple from a fruit stand, and when the owner protests, he uses magic again to knock all the apples onto the sidewalk so he's too distracted to make a scene. He stops when he sees Davina walk out of a coffee shop and hail a cab, and he starts to eat his apple while he watches her ) [ CREDITS ] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Elijah returns home to find a puddle of blood on the floor of the courtyard. When he examines the puddle, he sees a trail of paw prints that eventually turn into human footprints that lead to a dad woman's body, propped up against the fountain. More footprints lead Elijah to the bathroom, where Hayley is taking a bubble bath. Another body is propped up against the wall next to the tub ) Hayley: Come to check up on me? Elijah: You've had an eventful evening. Hayley: I was having a crappy day, so Klaus took me out to the Cauldron. Wouldn't you know, we ran into some witches! Elijah: [sarcastically] So, would you like me to remove your leftovers? ( Elijah steps over the body and into the bathroom, and Hayley rolls her eyes before standing up in the tub, naked and covered in bubbles. Elijah, unamused, reaches for a towel and hands it to Hayley, though he doesn't avert his eyes ) Hayley: Oh, don't judge, Elijah! What I did is no worse than anything Klaus has ever done. Elijah: I would hope that you would hold yourself to a higher standard than Niklaus. Hayley: I'm a hybrid now, and I have a werewolf temper to go with my new appetite. And, the witches who tried to kll my baby are worth nothing more than food. Excuse me. [Hayley scoots past Elijah and returns to her room to change] ( Elsewhere in the compound, Elijah goes to talk to Klaus about Hayley ) Elijah: [incredulous] You took her on a witch hunt? Klaus: I simply wanted to persuade those witches to locate the white oak stake for me. When they proved unable to do so, I let Hayley have her fun. Elijah: She grows more savage by the day! Can you not see that she is falling apart? Klaus: Perhaps the problem is your high standards? Hayley is one of us now. Being a vampire only exaggerates what you truly are, and wolves are wild things. She knows she can never live up to the pretty little picture you paint of her in your head. Your judgment only hurts her more. Elijah: I am trying to help her, and I asked you to help her, brother. Klaus: [angrily rises to his feet] I am helping! You should have seen her last night! Covered in witches' blood and smiling from ear to ear! She is embracing this. A little less criticism from you, and Hayley will be just fine. Elijah: Niklaus! The mother of your child deserves much better than just fine! [the two glare at each other] You'll take her to the Bayou. Find any remaining wolves. Perhaps her people can reach her. Now, more than every, she needs a connection to something, some of her humanity. Some degree of dignity. ( Elijah angrily storms out of the room, leaving Klaus to consider his advice ) [ ACROSS THE RIVER ] ( The streets of the neighborhood are packed with musicians playing instruments as oters sell merchandise in stalls. Marcel talks to a group of potential vampire recruits which Gia plays the bongo drums nearby. Elijah arrives in the middle of Marcel's speech and listens to him from afar ) Marcel: Gia's proven herself. She knows what she's getting into. So, she's going to be the first one that I turn. Everybody else? First, I need to be sure that you can handle moving up a notch on the food chain. The emotional ups and downs, the solitude, and bloodlust. Imagine hearing the sound of a heart beating, beating, beating, and wanting more than anything to feed. That's what it's like to be a vampire. It's not for everybody. Some folks, well... let's just say it brings out the worst in them. ( Elijah begins thinking about the past before being transported into a flashback ) [ FLASHBACK - NEW ORLEANS, 1821 ] ( Elijah stands by a piano and watches as Marcel tries to work his way through a song ) Marcel: [sighs] I can't do it! Elijah: Now, you once said the same thing of your reading, and now you devour everything from sonnets to scriptures. So, devote yourself to your music, and soon you shall be Johann Sebastian Bach. Marcel: But I want to play like you. ( Elijah smiles at him proudly, which Marcel returns before they hear the sound of clapping from the doorway. It's Klaus ) Klaus: Well, isn't this nice? My older brother and my ward, getting along like two peas in a pod. Elijah: [uncomfortable, turns to Marcel] We shall continue at another time. Why don't you resume your Hamlet? Act one, scene three today. Off you go! ( Klaus waves at Marcel and stumbles drunkenly as he joins Elijah in the room ) Elijah: Congratulations, you've been drinking. Klaus: Only to remedy the lifeless monotony that has overcome this household. You know, Rebekah's still pouting over the Governor's son. Elijah: [annoyed] When you threw him to his death, did you imagine a different outcome? Klaus: You monopolize young Marcellus with schooling. [pours himself a drink and sighs] He and I used to have such fun. If only there was someone with whom I could share a bit of roguery. [Elijah leaves the room, so Klaus calls out after him] Oh, yes! That's right. [he pulls out a white -oak -ash dagger] There is! Elijah: [stunned] You didn't! ( Klaus shrugs and laughs maniacally, and follows Elijah as he races down to the courtyard of the compound, where Kol has just finished viciously feeding on all of the servants ) Kol: [clears his throat and claps] Bravo! That was delectable. But, make no mistake, Nik - I'm still cross that you daggered me. But, as far as apologies go, it's a start. Elijah: [angrily turns to Klaus] So, this is your idea of fun? Klaus: Well, you and Marcellus have grown thick as thieves... why should I be alone? [ PRESENT DAY - ACROSS THE RIVER ] ( Marcel notices Elijah nearby and approaches him ) Marcel: Elijah. Didn't expect to see you on this side of the river. Elijah: Didn't expect to see you assembling a new vampire community. I guess we're both full of surprises. Marcel: My community was fine until Klaus had the brilliant idea to make moonlight rings. Now that Harvest girl's making more, offering them to the wolves in exchange for their allegiance. And the wolves are just kneeling at her feet. The Quarter's become a dangerous place, and you? You're the last true vampire left! You ask me, you're better off joining my community! Maybe that's why you're here? Elijah: [smiles and shakes his head] Hmm, no. I came to make you an offer: find me the white oak stake, and I'll let this little social experiment continue. Marcel: Aw, even if I wanted to help, I don't have a clue where the stake is. Elijah: Yes, but you do have an ally in Davina. She can find it. Thing is, I'd speak to her myself, but I feel the conversation might become a little unpleasant. Marcel: [serious] You don't go anywhere near her. Elijah: [smiles] Then, it's settled! You'll deal with the matter personally. ( Elijah pats Marcel patronizingly on the shoulder and walks away ) [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] [In the attic, Davina is studying Esther's grimoire and taking notes in her own notebook while Mikael restlessly paces around the room] Mikael: [bored] How frustrating. A novice trying to interpret the work of a master. [sighs] Davina: [frustrated] It's a simple de -linking spell! Mikael: [stands up] Simple? You're trying to erase the link between Klaus and every single vampire he's sired. Davina: No. All I care about is Marcel and Josh. You kll Klaus? They die, too. I can fix that. I have Esther's grimoire, it's just a matter of time. Mikael: Perhaps I can help you solve the riddle. Davina: Unless you trick me into a spell that will free you from my control. Mikael: You know, for somebody who despises Klaus so much, you certainly share his paranoia. The sooner you perform the spell, the sooner I'll be free to kll the bastard. ( Davina's phone beeps. She checks it and finds a text message from Kaleb/Kol, which reads, "Coffee? Now -ish?" Davina smiles and leaves the room, heading down the stairs and through the main room of the church. After Davina leaves the building, Kaleb/Kol sneaks through the church and up to her room ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Kaleb/Kol, Cassie/Esther, and Vincent/Finn walk through the cemetery, where the men give their reports to their mother ) Kaleb/Kol: Well, you right to be suspicious. Davina's hiding something in that attic. The door was locked with a rather complex spell. Cassie/Esther: Could be a wapon, or a source of power. I prefer not to leave anything to chance. Better we know what she has and whose side she's on. So, you'll take her to dinner. Kaleb/Kol: [confused] Well, I just stood her up for coffee. She probably hates me by now. Vincent/Finn: Just do what you're told, Kol. Kaleb/Kol: Oh, of course! Finn the sycophant speaks up! Are you gonna grovel at your mother's heels for eternity, or what? Cassie/Esther: Stop it, both of you. There's enough conflict to come. ( They arrive to the lyceé, where a crowd of disheveled -looking werewolves are waiting for them ) Kaleb/Kol: Look at this pack of freeloaders! Cassie/Esther: [smiles] Nonsense! These are our friends. Wolves in need of a gift only I can provide - moonlight rings. ( They all move inside, where a witch is chipping away at a large stone to break off pieces of black kyanite. Other witches are polishing and setting the stones into rings ) Cassie/Esther: The witches have been working day and night. Soon, we will have enough rings for an army. And, when we do, we will pay your brothers a visit. ( Vincent/Finn and Kaleb/Kol look around at all of the rings being made. Cassie/Esther plucks a stone from a nearby bowl and looks at it ) Cassie/Esther: We will teach them the unfortunate error of their vampire ways. [ THE BAYOU ] ( Klaus and Hayley have arrived at the werewolf encampments and are looking around for any wolves who may still be around ) Hayley: I told you, this place is deserted. Klaus: No, their scent is fresh. They're hiding. [searches through empty tents] Which means, somewhere nearby we will find the remnants of your pack. Hayley: ...And then what? It's not exactly like they're going to welcome us. If there's one thing these people hate more than vampires, it's hybrids. Klaus: What they hate is their lack of power. Hence the willingnness of their brethren to deal with that witch in exchange for rings! But, she hasn't gotten to your lot yet, so, we need to get to them first and ensure they align with us. Hayley: [skeptical] Awesome. All we gotta do is find them. Klaus: A task I leave to you. Go on! [Hayley looks at him in confusion] Well, you're a hybrid now, with heightened senses unlike anything under the sun... besides me. [Hayley rolls her eyes and dramatically sniffs the air. She seems to smell something, and closes her eyes for a moment to focus. Klaus watches in interest] Hayley: [opens her eyes and frowns] This is stupid. Klaus: Your people need a leader! You are their queen! Hayley: I am a mess! I cry all day, I feed all night. All I can think about is how much I miss my daughter. Klaus: Do you think you're alone in that pain? Hayley: Have you even thought about her once? Klaus: [angry] I have not stopped thinking about her! When it pains me, I seek comfort in the idea of what I will do to those who would harm her. ( Klaus gestures toward an overturned chair, over which what looks like a man's jacket lays. Hayley rolls her eyes and reluctantly sniffs the sleeve to get a scent ) Klaus: Concentrate. [Hayley follows the scent and eventually finds the direction in which it leads. She starts walking toward it, and Klaus smiles proudly] [ ACROSS THE RIVER ] ( Elijah watches two older gentlemen playing chess outside on the side of a street until Marcel returns to join him ) Marcel: Davina's on her way. By the time she gets here, you need to be gone. Elijah: I'm not going anywhere until I know the whereabouts of the stake. Marcel: You think she's just going to cooperate with you standing here? First thing I learned living with your family - wherever you people go, thrat and bloodshed are soon to follow. So, just stay out of sight, alright? Try not to kll anyone. ( Marcel leaves to go meet Davina, leaving Elijah to continue watching the chess players. The sight launches Elijah into another flashback ) [ FLASHBACK - NEW ORLEANS, 1821 ] ( Klaus and Kol are playing chess while Elijah paces around angrily ) Elijah: Forty -six. An entire tenement. FORTY -SIX bodies drained! Kol: Nonsense! [bat] It was at least sixty! [smirks] Ah, they neglected to check the attic! Klaus: [laughs] Ah! Kol: Why do people always run to the attic? I mean, it makes no sense! Elijah: [annoyed] It is difficult enough to keep our presence in the city a secret without the two of you doing absolutely everything in your power to draw attention to us. Klaus: I'm surprised you have the time to concern yourself with us, given the hours you spend doting on Marcellus. Elijah: Is that what all this is about? You envy my bond with Marcellus? Niklaus, you brought that child into this home! He's no longer safe here. I cannot allow him to remain. Klaus: [furious] You would punish the boy for Kol's antics? I would just as soon put him in a box! Kol: [offended] You'd choose that little whelp over your own family? Klaus: That little whelp is our family! [turns to Elijah] Marcellus stays. [ PRESENT DAY - ACROSS THE RIVER ] ( Elijah pulls himself out of his thoughts and sighs ) ( Elsewhere, Marcel is waiting for Davina in a nearby alley when she finally arrives. When they see each other, they both smile ) Marcel: Hey! Long time, little D! Davina: I got your message! What's going on? Marcel: [holds out his arms] Come on, I don't get a hug? ( The two embrace for a long moment ) Davina: It's good to see you, Marcel. Marcel: It's good to see you, too! I appreciate you coming all the way out here... How's school? Make any new friends? Davina: I dunno. This one guy asked me out... but then, he stood me up. Marcel: [disbelieving] He stood you up? Davina: [laughs] Mmhmm. Marcel: Say the word, and he's dad! [They laugh] Okay, I hate to ask for a favor, but... I need a locator spell. Something's missing... a white oak stake that's powerful enough to kll an Original. Davina: [horrified] Did one of them put you up to this? Marcel: D, if that stake is used on Klaus, every vampire he's sired dies, too. Davina: I know. But, what if I do find it? I mean, I -I'm not just gonna give it to Klaus! He and Elijah are both brutal, sadistic monsters! Elijah: [appears out of nowhere] I do wish I could disagree with you. Tragically, however, you're quite right. ( Davina glares at Marcel, and Marcel shakes his head in annoyance that Elijah showed up ) Elijah: Although, you and I both have excellent reason to find that wapon. I want to protect my family, and you want to protect your friends. We'd do well to forget our grievances and join forces. Davina: [fiurious] No. Marcel: [worried] Davina, just - Davina: No! No, I'm -I'm done listening. [turns to Elijah] For a long time, you and your family have had all the power. You manipulate and kll anyone who gets in your way. That time's over. From now on, you can know what it is to be afraid. ( Davina storms away, leaving an angry Marcel and a trouble Elijah to process what just happened ) Marcel: I asked you to stay out of sight! Elijah: I needed to speak to her face -to -face. Marcel: Why? So that you could piss her off? Elijah: I wanted to see for myself. She cares for you, and yet, how cavalier she was at the jeopardy that you now face. Marcel: [confused] What are you saying? Elijah: She knows the stake will not be used because she knows precisely where it is. She's had it all along. [ THE BAYOU ] [Hayley and Klaus watch the werewolves from the woods. Oliver and the rest of the Crescents are gathering up their belongings while Klaus and Hayley determine how to proceed] Hayley: So, Jackson is MIA and Oliver seems to think he's the alpha. They're not going to listen to me. Klaus: The birthmark on your shoulder did not disappear when you became a hybrid. Go on, talk to them. ( Nervous, Hayley slowly makes her way toward the group of Crescents, as Klaus follows behind her. They all turn to face her and defensively form a circle around them ) Oliver: The hell you two want? Klaus: Hold your tongue, or I'll tear it from your gaping mouth. Hayley: [sh*t Klaus a look] We didn't come here to fight, Oliver. Our pack has been divided by people who want us to be their slaves. What we need right now is a leader. Someone who will reunite us and make us strong again. Someone who will fight for our pack. If you let me, I can be that person. Oliver: You think we can trust you? You're not one of us! Hell, you're not even a wolf, you're a blood - sucking vampire parasite! ( Klaus rolls his eyes dramatically ) Hayley: You want to say that again and see what happens, Oliver? Oliver: You tough girl, you're gonna attck me? In front of all them? You'll just give them another reason to say yes to Cassie and her moonlight rings. Yeah, they would rather follow a witch than you. Me? Hell, I'd rather die than follow you. [Furious, Klaus vamp -speeds over to Oliver and knocks him flat on his back and stomps on his chest with his boot] Klaus: Well, at least you didn't drag this out. Hayley: Hey! Let him go, Klaus! Klaus: You need to learn about the art of politics, love. You gain support by klling your detractors! Hayley: They may not like me very much, but these people, including Oliver, are my family. Let him go, now. ( Klaus looks around at all of the wolves who are watching intently and smiles before releasing Oliver ) Klaus: You see? There's your queen. Powerful, fearless, and, unlike me, merciful. [to Hayley] These people need to show you more respect. How you handle them now is up to you. [turns to leave] Hayley: [confused] Where are you going? Klaus: I'm going to find the witch. Seems I need to educate her as to what she may or may not do in my city. [ ACROSS THE RIVER ] ( Marcel and Elijah walk down the streets of New Orleans ) Marcel: The stake is safe. Davina won't use it on Klaus if it would kll me. Elijah: Of course, she has no reason whatsoever not to use it on me. Marcel: [smiles] I guess you better behave! Elijah: And, how long before someone else should make this discovery? What if it falls into enemy hands? Marcel: Huh. I'll get her to give the stake back! Alright? Just give me some time. Elijah: Unfortunately, Marcel, unlike these wretched souls that you recruit here, your promises do little to inspire my faith. One way or another, Davina will comply. Marcel: [sighs in frustration] Look. Hey, do you ever wonder why your family has so many enemies? It's because you make stupid moves like this! It really makes me wonder how the hell I ever survived you people. [ FLASHBACK - NEW ORLEANS, 1821 ] ( Kol is hanging out with Marcel in the courtyard of the compound, and has organized (and presumably compelled) a group of men to act out Shakespeare for him. Marcel's lips are coated in blood ) Marcel: Please, let me go! Mr. Kol, I don't -I don't like this. Kol: Don't be absurd! Shakespeare should be experienced in the flesh! In truth, these aren't the finest actors, but we are in the colonies. [shrugs] Here! [gestures to the stage] Where were we? Actor 1: In venom to thy work! ( The actor takes a sword and runs another actor through with it. Marcel gasps in shock as the man falls dad to the floor ) Actor 2: Exchange forgiveness with me, noble harlot - Kol: [stands up and shouts before walking toward Actor 2] No! [sighs] How many times must I tell you? [grabs the top of the actor's head] It's Hamlet, not harlot. ( Kol snaps the actor's neck and drops his body to the floor ) Kol: Sometimes, I don't know why I bother. ( Elijah rushes into the courtyard, breathless ) Elijah: What have you done? Kol: I was just introducing Marcellus to the theater. I thought you'd be pleased? ( Klaus enters the courtyard and checks on Marcel ) Elijah: Is there no limit to your violent imagination, brother? Kol: If the lad is going to be a vampire, he'll have to learn somehow, won't he? Come, I've already fed him my blood. All you have to do is snuff him, and voila. One of us. Well, that's what you want, isn't it? ( Elijah grabs Kol in a choke -hold and shoves him backwards, where Klaus grabs Kol's arms ) Klaus: Let him go, Elijah. ( Elijah reluctantly lets him go ) Kol: Thank you, Nik. At least someone knows the meaning of family. Klaus: I told you before, [turns Kol around to face him] Marcellus is family. ( Klaus daggers Kol once again while Elijah holds him down ) [ PRESENT DAY - ACROSS THE RIVER ] ( Elijah and Marcel are still in an alley near Marcel's loft ) Elijah: I don't fault you for your suspicion, nor Davina for her contempt. That does not alter our present dilemma. She has that stake. I want it back. ( Elijah leaves ) [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] ( Davina is back in the attic, lounging on the couch while she continues to study Esther's grimoire and her own notes while Mikael watches ) Davina: Stare all you want, but as long as I have this bracelet, I own you. Mikael: You foolish little girl. You imprison me here, you refuse my help, but all the while that hybrid monstrosity roams this city, free to pray on everyone you care about. Those few that remain. ( Davina ignores him. Her phone beeps, and when she answers it, she finds a missed call and a text from Kaleb/Kol again. "Can I make it up to you over dinner?" Davina smiles ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Klaus has arrived to confront the werewolves who are working with Cassie ) Klaus: What happened to decorum? Does no one greet their guests anymore? ( Klaus walks around the cemetery and the werewolves come out of hiding and surround him ) Klaus: Well, that's more like it. Although, I am rather disappointed at how many of my once -formidable brethren have been neutered by a 16 -year -old girl. Where is she? Where is this witch who dares craft moonlight rings without my permission? ( Klaus looks around to find Cassie, and is startled when he finally heards a voice call out to him ) Cassie/Esther: Niklaus. ( Cassie/Esther walks through the crowd of werewolves to face Klaus ) Cassie/Esther: I've been expecting you. ( They move inside one of the crypts. Klaus sits at one of the tables while Cassie/Esther makes tea ) Cassie/Esther: I must offer my condolences on the tragic loss of your child. Klaus: [unamused] Wasn't it your coven who thrat her life? ( Cassie/Esther sets a cup of tea in front of him before pouring one for herself ) Klaus: Is that tea your idea of a peace offering? Cassie/Esther: Chamomile has lots of healing properties. Did you know that it is also a flowering plant? Klaus: I did. The plants grew wild near my boyhood home. But, neither the tea, nor your botanical musings explain the reason why you've taken it upon yourself to forge new moonlight rings. Cassie/Esther: I assumed that was obvious. An alliance between the wolves and the witches would restore balance to our home. Klaus: [suspicious] Well, that's a lofty goal for a teenage girl. Cassie/Esther: Long ago, the witches and the wolves were at peace. Then came the vampires. A plague made flesh, a curse on this earth. You have no humanity, and so you punish those who do. Witches have a coven, werewolves have a pack, and so we are a constant reminder of everything that you have forsaken. Creatures such as you will always hate the living, and so we will always have to defend ourselves. The rings level the playing field. If we are united, nothing can stand against us. Klaus: [tries to keep his cool] It's an ambitious strategy. But allow me to offer a few words of advice, if I may be so bold? New Orleans is a vicious place, and your enemies are everywhere. Behind your back, before your eyes. You will need to remain vigilant against those who would seek to destroy you, some of whom you may never see coming. Cassie/Esther: [sips her tea calmly] I've already gn to take precautions. In fact, I'm taking them as we speak. ( Klaus stares at her, confused and a little nervous ) [ ROUSSEAU'S ] ( Davina is sitting at a table with Kaleb/Kol, and the two are getting to know each other ) Kaleb/Kol: My family? Oh, no. They're all crazy as loons. How about your family? Davina: [uncomfortable] Not much to say. Only child. My dad was distant, which is a lot better than my mom. Kaleb/Kol: Mommy issues, eh? Bet she's a control freak, right? [Davina nods] Yeah, same as mine. She's the reason I stopped practicing magic for so long. Davina: [shocked] You're a witch? Kaleb/Kol: Don't look so surprised, love. I didn't just ask you out because you're gorgeous. No, we're, uh... we're kindred souls. Davina: [confused] What do you mean? Kaleb/Kol: I know your story, Davina. I mean, you're practically famous. You're the Harvest girl who told them all to shove it. [bat] I'm a lot like you. Don't really believe in rules and authority. Your courage, it should be celebrated. ( Davina smiles at him, and the two stare at each other for a moment until Davina's phone rings, interrupting their conversation. It's Marcel ) Davina: I'm so sorry, he'll just keep calling until I answer. I'll make it quick. ( Davina leaves to take the call. Vincent/Finn waits until she's out of earshot before he approaches Kaleb/Kol ) Vincent/Finn: You're stalling. Kaleb/Kol: [rolls his eyes and sighs] No, that's not creepy at all, watching me on me own date. Vincent/Finn: [annoyed] Stop complimenting her and find out what she's hiding. Kaleb/Kol: I'm wooing her, Vincent. It requires charm, and personality - something you'd know nothing about. Vincent/Finn: Our mother wants answers, and if you can't get them, we'll do this my way. Kaleb/Kol: [confused] Oh, what are you gonna do? You gonna bore her until she can't help but tell you everything? Vincent/Finn: If you want to find out if someone has a wapon, you provoke them into using it. ( Outside, Davina has answered Marcel's call. Marcel is in a car with Elijah, driving to the French Quarter ) Davina: I never said I had it. Marcel: [sighs] The thing is, Elijah thinks you do. Matter of fact, he's convinced. Davina: Well, let Elijah think what he wants. Marcel: You're not safe, D. Anyone who's ever wanted to kll an Original is gonna be coming after you. Davina: Fine. Let them try. Marcel: [exasperated] D, come on! Just tell me where you are. [Davina is silent] Hey, we can talk about this! Davina: [angry] I'm at Rousseau's. Don't bother coming. I'm leaving now. ( Davina hangs up on him and re -enters Rousseau's. Elijah gives Marcel a look and starts to drive faster toward the Quarter ) [Back inside, Davina pushes through a crowd of peopel to find Kaleb, looking confused as everyone files out of the restaurant] Davina: Kaleb? What's happening? Kaleb/Kol: [annoyed] Some fellow just announced they were closing for a private party. Davina: [anxious] We should leave now. ( A man with a group of fellow werewolves approaches them ) Werewolf 1: And what's your rush, sweetheart? Why don't you stay and party with us? Davina: [angry] Get out of our way. Now. ( When the werewolf doesn't move, she hits him with a pain infliction spell that brings him to his knees His fellow werewolf friends surround Davina and Kaleb/Kol, who immediately begin to panic ) Kaleb/Kol: Can you do that with the rest of them, or...? Davina: ...Not all at once. ( The werewolf rises to his feet and shoves Davina across the room. Kaleb/Kol tries to shove him back but he's thrown against the wall behind the bar, and shatters several bottles when he makes impact. The wolves start to descend upon Davina with their fangs out, so she twists the bracelet around her wrist and starts to chant a spell ) Davina: [unintelligible] ( At St. Anne's Church, Mikael senses something from the attic, and is surprised to find that he can walk through the door ) [Back at Rousseau's, Davina has been grabbed by another werewolf, who shoves her against the bar and turns her head so he can bite her in the neck. Before he can do so, Mikael arrives and throws the werewolf across the bar] Mikael: Let go of her! You filthy dogs. ( As Mikael lunges for the werewolves and begins to fight them, Kaleb/Kol hides behind the bar and becomes fearful when he realizes his father is alive. Mikael snaps a werewolf's neck before ripping the hearts out of several others. Across the room Davina has been grabbed by a different werewolf, and in the struggle, she loses her bracelet. Mikael notices, and smirks ) Mikael: Well, now. What an interesting turn of events. ( Mikael picks her up off the floor and vamps -out ) Mikael: I'm going to enjoy this, girl. [He's about to feed on Davina when Elijah arrives and shoves Mikael off of her, not realizing right away who Mikael was. When he finally sees Mikael's face, Elijah is completely shocked] Elijah: Father? Mikael: Hello, son. I'd hoped to see your brother first, but we have some unfinished business as well. ( Elijah attcks his father, and the two begin to fight. Mikael pulls the white oak stake out of the waistband of his pants and aims it for Elijah's heart while Elijah desperately tries to push his arms away. Meanwhile, Marcel arrives and immediately rushes to check on Davina ) Marcel: We're getting out of here. Davina: [frantic] No! Marcel, I need my bracelet. I can use it to control him. ( Marcel sees the bracelet nearby beside a dad body, and he quickly rushes to grab it while Elijah continues to struggle with Mikael. Mikael gets the upper -hand and impales the tip of the stake in Elijah's chest ) Elijah: [screams] AAAH! ( Marcel gets the bracelet and tosses it to Davina. Mikael notices what's happening and vamp -speeds away from Elijah to attck Davina instead, but she manages to put on the bracelet and use it to stop him ) Davina: STOP! Go back, NOW. [Behind the bar, Kaleb/Kol is still gaping in complete shock at this turn of events. Mikael sighs and reluctantly vamp -speeds back to the church. Elijah, who is still gasping as he heals from Mikael's attck, stares at Davina in horror. Marcel stares at her as well, disappointed, but Davina just shakes her head at both of them and leaves. Elijah finally notices Kaleb/Kol behind the bar and gives him a look] Elijah: Something to say? Kaleb/Kol: [still stunned, maintains his cover] Not me, mate. Not a bloody thing. [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Klaus and Cassie/Esther continue to have tea and talk in one of the crypts ) Klaus: [sips tea] Chamomile. It's the same tea my mother made. How I loathed it. Cassie: [amused] Would you have preferred mint? Klaus: You know, she was insane, my mother. [Cassie raises her eyebrows at him] No, it's true. She believed we were abominations. "A curse on this earth, stretched out over generations," is how she put it. But, she was the true monster. She changed her children, stole our innocence, made us vampires, condemned us to an eternity of bloodlust, and then acted as if we were to blame. Cassie: [clearly annoyed] She sounds awful. Are you building to a question, Niklaus? Klaus: [pauses] You use my full name, as though we are familiars. I find it insulting. [bat] Before she died, a witch revealed that your coven was under my mother's influence. [smiles] Does she speak to you now? Cassie: [smiles back] She doesn't have to - I know exactly what she would say. She would tell you to go to your room for being so rude. ( Klaus loses his temper and slams his hand over Cassie's, and stares Cassie/Esther in the eye. He seems to have made a revelation, but before he can say anything, a group of werewolves come in and surround Cassie/Esther thrat ) Cassie/Esther: It's okay. Niklaus was just leaving. Klaus: [still angry] I will happily kll them all! Cassie/Esther: Then, you will have mrder members of the very pack you still hope to someday lead. Besides, there's no need for bloodshed. We can always resume this discussion another day. [pauses] Goodnight, Niklaus. We will speak again soon. [ MIKAELSON MANSION ] ( Elijah has just arrived home, and joins Klaus in the wine cellar to discuss the day's events. Elijah is clearly upset and anxious, but Klaus is too distracted to notice right away ) Klaus: It is worse than we thought. [he breaks the neck off of a bottle of wine] I met the witch, Cassie. I studied her, her presence, the way she carried herself. The fervor with which she voice her hatred of our kind. I looked into that girl's eyes, and, I swear to you, Elijah, she's just just guided by our mother. She is our mother. Elijah: [stunned] What is happening? Klaus: I'm going to kll her. I will boil her bones and feed them to the dogs, if that's what it takes. Elijah: [tries to interrupt him] Niklaus - Klaus: What? What could possibly be more important than the return of our mother? Elijah: [sighs] ...Our father. I saw him standing there in the flesh, as you do now. He was enslaved with some spell cast by Davina. He holds the stake. If she chooses to release him... Klaus: [determined] Well, then there's only one question we need to ask, isn't there? Which of our parents do we kll first? ( Klaus and Elijah move to the courtyard, where Hayley is leading in the Crescent wolves who aren't aligned with Cassie/Esther ) Hayley: [to the pack] Take any of the rooms on the first floor. Klaus: Are we running a kennel now? Hayley: I'll handle them. Klaus: Our family is under siege. It is not the time for guests. Hayley: If they're not with us, they're with the witches. You asked me to step up. This is me stepping up. Klaus: [smiles] Well, it seems I'm a good influence on you after all. ( Elijah watches the two of them from afar, which transports him into a flashback ) [ FLASHBACK - NEW ORLEANS, 1821 ] ( Elijah speaks in voiceover to the daggered Kol while he dresses him and puts him in his coffin ) Elijah: [voiceover] I see a change in him. For the first time in centuries, he acted solely for the benefit of another. I believe that young Marcellus, with whom he can identify and even nurture, holds the key to our brother's troubled soul. Unfortunately, Kol, your wretched behavior will only serve to distract him from this auspicious path. Now, you might well consider me a hypocrite to betray you as I have. For his sake, you must sleep. Even I must make certain sacrifices, if, indeed, we are to preserve the precious bond between Niklaus and that child. ( Later, Elijah returns to his room to finish dressing, and finds Marcel reading Hamlet in a chair ) Marcel: [excited] Elijah! I did it! I memorized the whole passage. I could perform it for you? Elijah: [sarcastic] Could you, now? Marcellus, have you ever considered you might not be the center of the given universe? [pauses] Niklaus! Marcel: [hurt and confused] Are you angry with me? Elijah: Bored would be a more accurate description. Niklaus, please! ( Klaus finally arrives in the bedroom ) Klaus: What? What is it? Elijah: [sighs] Remove him. You brought him here. He's your burden to bear, if, indeed, we are to accommodate this little scavenger. Klaus: [looks at Marcel sympathetically] Come now, little warrior. Let's have another go at The Bard, shall we? ( Klaus takes Marcel and leads him out of the room. Elijah, clearly not happy about having to be so rude to Marcel, sighs ) [ PRESENT DAY - MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Elijah continues to watch as Klaus and Hayley discuss the Crescent wolves ) Klaus: I don't see Oliver amongst them. Am I to assume you finished him off? Hayley: We made a deal. He'll pledge his loyalty to Cassie, report back, and tell me everything that he learns. Klaus: [smiles] Well done! ( Klaus turns to leave. Elijah, up on the balcony, thinks about what to do. Hayley leads several werewolf girls to her bedroom as Elijah descends the stairs to leave ) Hayley: You girls can just go through here. Elijah: Well, you two have your hands full. Hayley: [confused] Were you just leaving? Elijah: To be perfectly honest with you, the presence of all of them here, it's... it's a little much. No, perhaps it's for the best. You should be with your kind. [ COVEN HOUSE ] ( Kaleb/Kol arrives at the house and angrily yells at Vincent/Finn while he grabs him by the shirt and shoves him against the wall ) Kaleb/Kol: What the bloody hell was that, huh? Vincent/Finn: You need to calm down. Kaleb/Kol: You almost got me klled! Those wolves didn't just go after Davina, they almost attcked me! ( Cassie/Esther enters the room and joins them ) Cassie/Esther: I'm aware. I gave the order. The attck had to look convincing. Kaleb/Kol: [lets go of Vincent and points to the bruises and cuts on his forehead from being thrown into a shelf of liquor bottles] Look at my head! This isn't gonna heal for weeks! I haven't had a scar in a thousand years! Cassie/Esther: You'll live! And, more importantly, Davina will feel indebted to you. She will seek you out to apologize for what she perceives as an attck she caused, as I planned. Kaleb/Kol: Well, I've had enough of your plans! You stick me in this body, you force me to sneak around like some common toady. If this is the grand new life that you planned for me, then you can have it back! ( Cassie/Esther thrusts her hand forward and casts a pain affliction spell on him. Kaleb/Kol falls to his knees in pain, and his nose starts to bleed ) Cassie/Esther: You are here by my grace, and you will remain by my grace. Have I made myself clear? Kaleb/Kol: [groans in pain] Yes. ( Cassie/Esther stops the spell, and Kaleb/Kol falls forward to catch his breath. After a moment, she feels guilty and kneels in front of him before taking his face in her hands ) Cassie/Esther: Your brother was in the attic during the attck. Finn, tell him what you saw. Vincent/Finn: The door was open. The room was empty. Cassie/Esther: [stands] So, how did Davina tear apart a pack of vicious wolves? She must have had this wapon with her. What was it? A dark object? A book of spells? Kaleb/Kol: [lies] Well, I wish I knew. [points to his head] I was knocked out during the attck. I never saw a thing. [ ACROSS THE RIVER ] ( Marcel and Elijah have met in the alley where Gia is performing on her violin ) Marcel: Let me guess, Davina's nowhere to be found. She wasn't in the attic, wasn't anywhere near the lyceé. Elijah: I have people looking all over this city. She is gone. No doubt to protect Mikael while he recovers from the wounds he sustained. Marcel: She's scared, what do you expect? Elijah: If I discover that you had even the slightest suspicion that she brought Father back... Marcel: Yeah, what? You gonna thrat me? My people? I mean, get in line. The witches hate us, the wolves can k*ll us any time they like. I can't even go into the Quarter without risking my damn life, and I used to run the Quarter. And now, Mikael's back - the vampire who hunts vampires. You really think that works in my favor? [pauses] You want my help finding Davina? I need to know where you stand. Now, Klaus is on Team Wolf. What are you? Elijah: I don't do teams. Marcel: I'm sorry, but that's not an option. See, you're an Original. Every vampire that's ever been sired is an extension of you and your family. Now, you can walk away from that, and side with Klaus and the wolves. But you're not one of them, and you never will be. You want allies, right? Look around! This is ground zero for a new vampire community. Now, you may think that you're better than us, but we're all you got. Elijah: [amused] And why would I play benefactor to a collection of lost children? Marcel: [rolls his eyes] That's right. You never were any good with children. But, like it or not, vampires exist because of you. ( Marcel walks over to Gia and nods at her. She nods at him back, and he grabs her shoulders comfortingly ) Marcel: And these folks are gonna need your help. ( Marcel snaps Gia's neck and carefully lowers her body to the floor ) Marcel: Her name's Gia. I fed her my blood a few hours ago. When she wakes up, she's gonna need a mentor. I hope that you do better with her than you did with me. END	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x02 - Alive and Kicking"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... This town was my home. I want it back. All of your scheming, the enemies that you have made every single day of your miserable life, what results did you expect, that your child would be born into a happy life? This was our family's hope. We need to regain control of the city. You want allies, right? This is ground zero for a new vampire community. You may think that you're better than us. We're all you got. Hayley: We made a deal. He'll pledge his loyalty to Cassie, report back, and tell me everything that he learns. Marcel: Her name is Gia. She's the first one that I turned. She's gonna need a mentor. We should've known our mother would not be bound by anything as obvious as death. Where is she? Finn, Kol, we have a family reunion to plan. [ COVEN HOUSE ] ( Esther (still in Cassie's body) lights candles while she prepares a breakfast. A starling chirps in a cage nearby while Cassie begins cracking eggs into a bowl, mixing berries and herbs, and writing an invitation in fine calligraphy. She smiles as she looks at her work, and puts the invitation onto a silver platter with a lid ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] [In the courtyard, Hayley is munching on an array of fruit and other breakfast food when Klaus comes down the stairs to join her] Hayley: So, which restaurant's missing a compelled chef? Klaus: [approaches her] It's certainly a card I've played in the past, but I had no hand in this... [gestures to the food on the table] Hayley: Hmm. Well, then, I guess we have Elijah to thank. ( Elijah joins them in the courtyard ) Elijah: [confused] This wasn't my doing... Hayley: [frowns] Then, where did this all come from? ( The silver lid on the platter starts to rattle, startling Hayley and Elijah. Klaus looks uneasy when he lifts the platter, which releases two starlings that fly up toward the ceiling, causing the three to reflexively duck. They all look puzzled and nervous ) Hayley: What the hell was that? ( Klaus reaches for the invitation and opens it. It reads, "Dinner, Your Home, 8PM" ) Klaus: An invitation from our mother. ( Klaus and Elijah stare at each other in concern ) [ CREDITS ] [ FLASHBACK - 10th CENTURY, NEW WORLD ] ( Esther (in her original body) ladles out food for her children, who are all very young and who have all gathered around the table for breakfast ) Esther: Now, children, it's very hot! Rebekah, Kol, be careful! [Finn joins them at the table as they all sit down] Esther: Where's Niklaus? ( The children all stay silent. Elijah gives Finn a knowing look ) Esther: Elijah? Finn? Where's your brother? Finn: [hesitates] He's in the woods, Mother. [Elijah glares at him] Hiding. ( Esther walks out into the woods, where she finds Klaus hiding behind a tree ) Esther: [sighs] What are you doing here? Klaus: Father says he's to take me hunting later. But I'm no good. Not with him. He gets angry at me. ( Esther looks at him with sympathy and kneels so she can look him in the eye ) Esther: I understand. Do you know what I do when I'm afraid? I listen to the starlings. [In the background, Finn can be seen eavesdropping on them] Esther: When I was a little girl, my mother taught one of them a tune. And, since they mimic each others' songs, it spread, until every starling in the forest sang it. [Klaus looks up at the birds in the trees] When we made this our home, I brought these same birds to these woods. Whenever you heard one sing, Niklaus, remember I'm with you. Always and forever. ( Esther takes Klaus' hand and pulls him to his feet. Finn watches from afar and gulps sadly ) [ PRESENT DAY - MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Klaus stares at the invitation while he stands on the balcony overlooking the French Quarter. He eventually turns to head back into his bedroom, where Hayley is laying flat on Klaus' bed ) Hayley: It is times like this I'm really glad I never knew my mother. Klaus: We have enough enemies here. And now, the wr for our home is to be fought against my own family. Hayley: Your wretched mother and her disciples tried to put a carving Knfe through our baby's heart. I will happily add to the body count. ( Klaus smiles at Hayley, as Elijah enters the room ) Elijah: You will do no such thing. Esther's a master in the art of possession. We know whose body she currently inhabits. We must decipher her intentions before she finds a new host. Klaus: Well, her last invitation was an assassination attempt on all her children. I think we can assume her intentions are decidedly foul. Elijah: [shrugs] Well, then. We have... [checks watch] this afternoon to prepare for the worst. ( Elijah leaves. Hayley rolls her eyes, which makes Klaus smile ) Klaus: The bloom is off the rose, I see. [he follows Elijah out] Hayley: [mutters] Shut up. [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Marcel and Gia are sorting through books at his loft when Elijah arrives to talk ) Marcel: I wondered when you'd show up. Your pupil's waiting. it's not like you to shirk your responsibilities. Elijah: [sighs] As you well know, she is not my... burden to bear. You turned her, you teach her. [Gia turns toward him, looking hurt. Marcel isn't impressed] Marcel: Why'd you come? Elijah: I'm looking for a cooperative witch. Marcel: I don't know where Davina is, and given the fact that she's got your father on a leash, I wouldn't put her in the, uh, "cooperative" category - Elijah: [interrupts him] - Not Davina. Perhaps another witch? On another leash? Marcel: What makes you think I got another witch? Elijah: Perhaps the daylight ring on your new librarian? [He points to Gia, who tries to pretend like she's not offended] Marcel: [smiles] Good point! My memory's a little shaky. Lucky for you, though, I know someone who can help! Gia? ( Marcel gestures to Gia, who sighs and reluctantly walks over to him. Marcel puts his arm around her and turns back to Elijah ) Marcel: [to Gia] Why don't you take Elijah to meet our friend Lenore? Elijah: [sighs] If this is your idea of a joke, I can assure you I am not amused. Marcel: Well, there's nothing funny about what's going on. Mikael's back, witches causing chaos. It just seems like you could use all the friends that you can get. ( Elijah rolls his eyes and heads straight for the door ) [ ROUSSEAU'S ] ( Oliver is sitting at the bar, drinking a pint of beer, when Vincent/Finn arrives and sits next to him ) Vincent/Finn: You're Oliver, correct? Oliver: [annoyed] Do I know you? Vincent/Finn: No. But, I am, in fact, the person you're meeting with this afternoon. Oliver: [rolls his eyes] Look, uh, I'm here to meet Cassie. I don't know who you are, friend, but you certainly are no teenage girl that has magic powers. [sips his beer] Vincent/Finn: [laughs] What a keen observation, friend. [his tone goes from friendly to cold] My name is Vincent, and, if you speak to me, you are, in fact, speaking to Cassie. [pulls out a new moonlight ring] I offer this as proof. ( Oliver stares at the ring and becomes nervous, but he does take the ring and puts his on ) Oliver: So, if I decide I don't want to answer to number two in the chain of command? ( Vincent/Finn looks at him boredly and blows on his thumb and index finger before he starts rubbing them together, causing Oliver's muscles to seize up in pain ) Vincent/Finn: I'll make an example of you to show your pack what happens when Cassie's requests are denied. [Oliver continues to groan in pain] Or, we can start again. ( Vincent/Finn nods and rubs his fingers the other direction, which undoes the spell. Oliver gasps in relief. Vincent/Finn stands and leans over Oliver's head ) Vincent/Finn: That ring comes at a price, and you'll begin paying for it today. ( Vincent/Finn leaves the restaurant. When he's gone, Oliver pulls out his phone and dials a number ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Klaus is in the dining room, where he is making arrangements for the evening's dinner with a group of (presumably compelled) caterers. One of the caterers gives him a choice of two different bottles of wine ) Klaus: Skip the salad course. Let's not make this dreadful evening any longer than it needs to be. [He choices a wine and dismisses the caterer, just as Hayley enters the dining room] Hayley: So, I guess letting Oliver live paid off. He just informed me your mother has a partner -in -crime - another witch. Klaus: Building alliances in her quest to destroy us, I imagine. Hayley: Why does she hate you so much, Klaus? She had six kids, it's not like she doesn't have the maternal gene. Klaus: Seven, actually. And, I think at one time, she loved us very much. [he folds napkins on the table] One died before I was born. Hayley: I didn't know that. Klaus: Years later, my brother Henrik was klled by the werewolves in our village. The loss of another child pushed my mother over the edge. So, she used her magic to turn us into immortals. I think that's when she loved us the most. But, it was her undoing. It triggered a sequence of events that led to the reveal of her long -held secret. My birth father was the werewolf whose pack klled my little brother. Of course, when Mikael found out, he mrder my real father, and so, my mother lost her lover, too. Hayley: [stunned] Wow. No wonder she's crazy. I'm out of my mind having just given away Hope... I can't imagine if she'd actually died. Klaus: [teary -eyed] You know, my siblings used to tell each other she didn't hate us. She hated herself for what we've become. I think they believed that even after she tried to kll us all. Hayley: [quietly] What did you believe? Klaus: I don't know. I just knew I wanted her dad. ( The two stare at each other for a long moment ) Hayley: Well, every good story needs a wicked witch. [winks with a small smile] It'll be all the more satisfying when we melt her. ( Klaus smiles at her, and she smiles back ) [ ACROSS THE RIVER ] [Gia and Elijah are on their way to see Lenore, while Gia unsuccessfully tries to make conversation] Gia: So, you're not much of a talker, huh? [Elijah just looks at her] No problem. Last guy I hung out with, he wouldn't shut up, so... guess I'm due for a change - Elijah: [cuts her off] The task is to lead me to someone. Let's just... do that, shall we? ( Elijah walks in front of Gia, and Gia, unimpressed, rushes to catch up ) Gia: You wanna walk in silence? Cool. But, [sighs] you're going the wrong way. Elijah: [stops in annoyance] Marcel believes I can instruct you. First lesson - do your best not to waste my time. [Gia glares at him and turns in the opposite direction as she leads Elijah toward Lenore's shop] [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] ( Lenore is at the front check out desk, where she is grinding herbs in a mortar and pestle. Soon, Elijah and Gia arrive to speak with her ) Lenore: Go away, I'm busy. Elijah: Yes, blatantly practicing magic, I see. Lenore: Herbal remedies for a neighbor who lost her insurance. But, my guess is an Original ain't here to talk neighborhood gossip. Elijah: I have a favor to ask you. Lenore: Quarter's crawling with witches, go ask one of them. Elijah: [sighs and looks around] I don't typically ask favors of my enemies. Lenore: So, you come across the river to bother me? Elijah: It's unfortunate, isn't it? Bureacracy has not been kind to your community. Those tax incentives on local businesses have been stalling for months. Of course, a persuasive person could potentially remove any red tape. Lenore: [interested] I'm listening. Elijah: A certain someone - let's say a witch - has a troublesome tendency of jumping into other bodies. [smiles] When she does so again, I would like to know into whom she jumps. [he drops a coin into her coin jar] Lenore: Soul -branding. It's a sacrificial spell. I'm gonna need an item that's been spelled by the witch in question, and a python. Elijah: [smiles] I shall retrieve the enchanted item. My partner will take care of the python. [turns to leave the store] Gia: Ew, what? Elijah: Second lesson of the day - acquisition through mind compulsion. ( Elijah leaves. Gia is flustered ) Gia: [calls after him] How the hell do I do mind compulsion? [Gia leaves in a huff. Once she's gone, Vincent/Finn enters the store] Lenore: [doesn't look up] Can I help you? ( Vincent/Finn approaches the front counter, and Lenore finally looks up to see who it is ) Vincent/Finn: [smiles] I'm most certain that you can. [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Marcel is pouring a drink for himself when Klaus arrives ) Marcel: Let me guess, you need a favor? Klaus: I'm paying this one, I promise. There was a necklace I gave you a long time ago. It was a leather strap with a metal bird on the end. Marcel: [turns to a shelf and grabs a small wooden box] Yeah, you gave it to me when I turned eleven. Klaus: You remember? Marcel: [walks toward Klaus] Mikael's back, Elijah's babbling on about family drama, and you're here looking for antique jewelry. ( Marcel holds out the open box to Klaus, who takes the necklace inside it. The sight of it transports him to another flashback to his childhood ) [ FLASHBACK - 10th CENTURY ] ( Esther is making the necklace when she calls Klaus in to see her ) Esther: Come here, Klaus. ( Esther dips the metal bird on the necklace into a pot before laying it on a small pile of sand surrounded by black stones on her table ) Esther: Birds are sacred to the Vikings. It's how we find land. It's how your father and I found our home here. [she puts the necklace around Klaus' neck] Here. If ever you are lost, or scared, or in need of me, just clasp the bird, and I will come. Klaus: D -do the others get one? Esther: [hesitates] I love all my children. [she takes Klaus' hand] But you, Niklaus? You're the most special, which is why I give this to you, and you alone. Promise me you will wear it always. Klaus: I promise. ( Later, the village holds a bonfire, and Esther and Klaus join a group of villagers in dancing around the fre while others play music on their instruments ) Esther: Your father may teach you to hunt, but I will teach you to win the heart of the prettiest girl in the village! ( The two spin around happily and laugh, while Finn stares sadly from afar, holding a flute in his hand. Suddenly, Esther notices that Klaus isn't wearing his necklace ) Esther: [frowns] Where's your starling necklace? Klaus: [feels his neck and realizes it's gone] It must have fallen off! ( Klaus starts to desperately look around, as Finn slowly makes his way over to them ) Esther: You need to find it now! Immediately! Finn: It's all right, Mother. I found it. [Finn pulls the necklace out of his pocket and hands it to her. Esther takes it from him and puts it around Klaus' neck] Esther: [to Klaus] You owe a great thank you to your brother, don't you? [Klaus remains silent] Don't you? Klaus: [reluctant] Thank you, Finn. [Finn smiles kindly at Klaus, and Esther caresses his cheek with her hand] [ PRESENT DAY - MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Klaus and Marcel are still in the middle of talking when Klaus comes out of his flashback ) Marcel: Do I even want to know why you're asking for a necklace that your mother gave you? Klaus: [smiles weakly] Believe me, Marcel - you want no part in the latest chapter of our sprawling family saga. [They both look at the necklace] Thank you for holding onto this. ( Klaus leaves ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Vincent/Finn and Cassie/Esther are both walking through the cemetery as Finn updates her on their plan ) Finn: I've heard from Kol. He's still looking for the young witch. I imagine he'll find her soon enough. Esther: Shame he'll miss dinner. Although, it is best that his new identity remains unknown. This new witch you've brought me, Lenore. She seems rather stubborn. Finn: Mother, I'd be happy to open her up to new possibilities. Esther: Have Oliver handle her. Your means of persuasion will be needed for dinner. Have we received any response to our invitation? Finn: I imagine your message had quite the effect - both he and Elijah have been on the move all day. Esther: Of course. Ever boys. Be sure you're ready for them this evening. Finn: I've handled everything exactly as you've instructed. Esther: I'd expect nothing less from you, Finn. ( Esther reaches up and caresses his cheek, just as she did in the flashback. Finn nods at her and moves into one of the crypts, where Lenore is chained up. Oliver is waiting for him inside as well ) Oliver: [appalled] You trture your own? Vincent/Finn: No! I persuade. ( Vincent/Finn opens a small satchel that holds various tools used for trture. Lenore looks exhausted and scared, and already has several wounds on her face and head ) Vincent/Finn: [to Oliver] I'd like you to do the same. [he walks over to Lenore] She had some visitors earlier today. [he brushes her hair from her face, and she groans and backs away] I'd like to know what they wanted. ( Oliver looks horrified as Vincent heads toward the door. He grabs a large hourglass and turns it over ) Vincent/Finn: Don't dally. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] [Hayley is updating Klaus and Elijah] Hayley: Marcel's witch is being held cptive in the Quarter. Klaus: Oh, perfect. Mother's a step ahead, as usual. Hayley: Oliver's with her. I'll go, and I'll get her to do the spell. But, I need the necklace. Elijah: I don't like this whatso - Hayley: [cuts him off] No. You don't get to ignore me for days and then suddenly act like you're concerned, Elijah. Just, for once, please, will you trust me that I'll do something and it will get done? ( Elijah looks as though he's about to speak, but shuts his mouth at the last moment. Klaus sighs and pulls the necklace out of his pocket and hands it to her. She takes it ) Hayley: Thank you. [Hayley gets ready to leave, but Elijah stops her] Elijah: Wait. Hayley: [interrupts] I don't car - Elijah: [cuts her off] No, there's something else. A disciple of Marcel's was instructed to fetch another ingredient. Ask for Gia. Hayley: [hesitates] Okay. ( She leaves. Once she's gone, Klaus walks toward Elijah ) Klaus: What's going on with you two? Elijah: Nothing. She's stronger, that's all that matters. [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] [Gia has just returned to Marcel's apartment] Gia: A snake? That was my big lesson of the day. Snake -fetching. Marcel: [laughs] Hold on - you compelled yourself a snake? Gia: No! I stole the damn thing! Captain Condescension didn't feel the need to cover the mind -control chapter in today's lesson. Marcel: Did you even try? Gia: I don't even know where to start trying, Marcel. [she walks toward him] Why Elijah? [Marcel just looks at her] I'm not stupid. You want something from him, I just can't guess the reason why you'd think I'm the way to get it. Marcel: [licks his lips] Actually, I want something for him, and it's the same thing I want for you. Gia: Which is what? Marcel: This. Us! Our new community! Look, I learned my lesson the hard way. You can't make your way in this town unless you got an Original looking out for you. Klaus is so fixated on those wolves, and Elijah's so wrapped up in centuries of his family's old crap that he can't see it. But, we need him. We need him to see us as family, too. Gia: [in tears] I couldn't even get my own family to care about me. How am I supposed to win him over? Marcel: [walks toward her] I've known that man two hundred years. He's cranky. [laughs] He's fussy. And, he can ride your last nerve. But, he has an Achilles heel, okay? He can't help but fix what's broken. You don't need to be anything other than what you already are. Someone who needs his help. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Elijah and Klaus are both wearing fancy suits and preparing for dinner with their mother in the dining room ) Klaus: [annoyed] Are these outfits really necessary? Elijah: Appearance is a way of showing respect, Niklaus. Mother will be more likely to surrender her true intentions. Klaus: Well, I doubt her guard will drop just 'cause I'm dressed like a bloody lawyer. Elijah: [lighting candles] We need every advantage we can get, Niklaus. Klaus: You always did excel in diplomacy. Just know, if she tries anything, I'll tear her new body to pieces. ( Vincent/Finn enters the room ) Vincent/Finn: [laughs dramatically] You two haven't changed a bit! [to Elijah] Linens and silk to disguise your pathetic self -loathing. [to Klaus] And you - despite the arrogant facade, you're still the same paranoid little boy, full of hate and fear. ( Klaus' face turns from amused to offended. Elijah looks at him in confusion before turning to Vincent/Finn ) Elijah: [approaches him] Forgive me, I don't believe I've had the pleasure. Vincent/Finn: [feigns offense] Oh, you mean you don't recognize me? So much for the unbreakable bonds of family, huh? Always and forever indeed. ( Klaus begins to scowl when he realizes what is going on. Elijah is still confused ) Klaus: [angry] It's been a long time, Finn. Finn: [smirks] Now that the introductions are out of the way, let's eat! [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] [Hayley has just arrived to the crypt where Oliver is waiting with Lenore, who is still chained up. The python Gia stole has wrapped itself around the hourglass, which is still 3/4 the way full. Hayley breaks the chains binding Lenore] Oliver: They worked her over pretty good. Hayley: We need to get her out of here. Oliver: Huh? Then what? They'll know that I let her go! Look, you asked me to infiltrate Cassie's coven, I'm not gonna blow my cover for some has -been, hippie witch! [Lenore groans and side -eyes him] No offense! Hayley: [looks around] I guess we could always make it look like you got jumped? Tell Cassie that Lenore got rescued by her people? Oliver: [sarcastic] Let me guess, you, uh, wanna bat the hell out of me? Make it look convincing? Hayley: Well, I can't say I wouldn't enjoy it! ( Oliver laughs weakly and sighs ) Oliver: Okay, just... just not the face, okay? [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Elijah pours Finn a glass of wine ) Finn: [wafts the wine] What an aromatic bordot. Klaus: Well, it was a challenge to find a good pairing. What wine goes well with treachery? Finn: Don't pout, brother. Tonight is meant to be a happy occasion! [Finn whispers something in one of the servers' ears, which makes Klaus suspicious] Elijah: What exactly are we celebrating? Finn: Why, my return, of course! Remember, I spent nine hundred years - right? - lying daggered in a box. I'm rather enjoying this new body. Strolling about your lovely city that, uh, you've made your home. But, do tell me - what'd I miss? Regale me with your contributions to society! Medicine? Philosophy? Art? [Klaus rolls his eyes] Or, have you two merely cut a path of destruction across time? Klaus: The last time we met, you were helping our mother try to annilate the lot of us! Let's not throw stones in glass houses. Elijah: Are we expecting another guest? Finn: Mother will sit at the head. And, as for the seat across from me, that's reserved for another of our clan. Care to wager an educated guess? How about a paranoid one? Klaus: Well, there's no way Kol would listen to anything other than his ego. Finn: And yet, our mother has made such a compelling argument that even he, the wildest of us Mikaelsons, has seen the error of his ways and accepted his new form, with vigor! Change, dear brothers, is inevitable. Klaus: You would dare face us as a mortal? The only thing inevitable is your death. [He flings a Knfe at Finn, but he deflects it with magic, and it ultimately embeds itself into the chair at the head of the table] Finn: Oh! [he removes the Knfe from the chair and holds it] I suppose the honor of carving should go to the oldest. We have much to discuss. [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Oliver is laying unconscious on the floor of the crypt, and Lenore is checking him over. The hourglass is now almost half -empty ) Hayley: He'll be okay, I promise. Lenore: What's your dog in this fight? You're not a Mikaelson. Hayley: [hesitates] I sort of am... in spirit. Lenore: [shocked] The werewolf mother? Hayley: Turned witch -rescuer, apparently. Listen, can we do this spell, or not? Lenore: After what that bitch and her lackey did to me? I'll do any spell that you want! ( Lenore walks out of the crypt, and Hayley follows her ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Elijah and Klaus are still having dinner with Finn in the dining room ) Finn: I'm rather enjoying my evening. Klaus: [frustrated] Well, I'd rather enjoy you getting to the point. Finn: I had nine hundred years to learn to be patient. Although, I am curious why you kept me daggered in a box for so long. Klaus: You were daggered from being am ever -simpering sycophant. Did Mother bring you back from the dad so you could wash her knickers? [smirks] Finn: [furious] She raised me because I was treated unfairly! Cheated of all but the smallest portion of my life! Elijah, I can understand such cruelty coming from him, but I always thought of you as being the compassionate one! What did I do to deserve you turning your back on me? Were you afraid of Niklaus? Are you still? Or perhaps jealousy is what kept me locked in a box? You coveted the duties of the eldest brother, in which case you had near -on a millenium to fix the problems of this family, and instead, produced nine centuries of failure. [Finn realizes his anger has gotten the best of him and pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb] Elijah: You might reside - somewhat parasitically, I might add - in another body, but I assure you, in nine hundred years, your tedious sentiments remain quite the same. You see, Finn, like Father, you've always despised our supernatural existence. Father, of course, slaughtered and consumed his own, whereas you became pretentious and dull. Much like this meal. I will not ask you again - where is Mother? [In the background, Klaus is giggling at Elijah's insults. Suddenly, Cassie/Esther arrives] Esther: [to Elijah] Oh, my darling son. [Finn immediately rises to his feet] I've missed you, too. [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] [Hayley and Lenore have arrived to the shop and prepare to start the spell in her back room] Hayley: [hands her the bag with the ingredients] So, will this take long? Lenore: You want me to soul -brand the resurrected spirit of a thousand -year -old witch? It's best I take my time and do it right. [she looks up at Hayley] For what it's worth, I'm sorry. No one should ever have to lose a child. Hayley: [sad] No, no one should. ( Lenore lights a bundle of sage and wafts the smoke around the room ) Lenore: You have the talisman? Hayley: Oh. [digs the necklace out of her pocket] So, how does this work? You brand Esther with the spell, and then what? Lenore: [sets the necklace over the rim of a cauldron] The next time she jumps into a body, she'll be marked with a distinctive symbol on the back of her hand. [pulls the python out of the bag] This way, you'll always know who she is. Hayley: We still don't know why she's here. When Esther held you cptive, did she give you any idea why she's doing all this? ( Lenore puts the python around her neck for a moment ) Lenore: Love! Hayley: [rolls her eyes] How hard did they ht you? Lenore: [removes the python from her neck] What besides love can inspire such pain and cruelty? And Esther? [she takes a Knfe and guts the snake with it, before disemboweling it and squeezing the entrails in the cauldron] Her love is very, very strong. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( The dinner continues on ) Klaus: Why don't you say what you came here to say, so this wretched night can end? Esther: It pains me that you and Elijah look at me with such disdain. I wish you could see that my every action has been to protect you! Klaus: You actually believe that, don't you? I knew you were a liar, but now I see you're utterly delusional. Esther: If you can forget the hatred that you cling to and remember all the times I've mended and healed you. [Klaus laughs sarcastically] Elijah, do you recall the day Niklaus challenged your father to a duel? Did I leave your brother to die alone? What did I say, when you came to me and asked me to help him? Elijah: [sighs] That you would rather die than to see any of your children suffer. [ FLASHBACK - 10th CENTURY ] ( Klaus is older, now, and his pained cries can be heard in the forest. Esther rushes to him, where she finds him stuck to a tree with Mikael's sword impaling his shoulder ) Esther: Tell me what happened! Klaus: [gasping in pain] I challenged him. Esther: [applying pressure to his shoulder] What were you thinking? Klaus: I thought if I could just best him, just once, he would see that I am worthy. Esther: [panicked] You need to hold still! ( She struggles, but eventually removes the sword from his shoulder, and pulls some moss from the tree to pack his wounds ) Klaus: AHHHHH! Esther: Niklaus, calm down! Everything is going to be fine. Klaus: He laughed at my challenge. He said he would take this from me. [holds up his starling necklace] As a prize after defeating me. [Esther gulps anxiously] We began to fight, and he knocked me down. He cut the bird from my neck, and I grew so angry, I ht him. Again, and again. I cut him! Esther: [terrified] What happened next? Klaus: The look on his face, I'd never seen it before. And I was so proud. Mother, I held this up [holds up the necklace] to show him I kept my prize. And then, he - Why would he - ? Esther: Your father, in his rage, struck you with his sword? Klaus: I wouldn't let him take this from me. It was your gift to me! Esther: [whispers] You're a good boy, Niklaus. You did the right thing. [ PRESENT DAY - MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Klaus returns from his flashback and has a realization ) Klaus: [horrified] The necklace. ( Klaus flashes back to when Esther first made the necklace, and she cast a spell on it ) Klaus: It wasn't spelled to protect me. It made me weak. Esther: I sought to protect you from yourself! If you had klled your father in that duel, or anyone else in the course of your life, you would have activated your curse! Klaus: [slams his hand angrily against the table] You ruined me! You left me to suffer at the hands of a father who valued only strength! Esther: I kept you from becoming a beast for as long as I possibly could! Klaus: [shouts] Oh, you lied to me! To hide your own transgressions because of your own fear! [he slams the table again and stands to his feet] My whole life, I sought the approval I was denied by the man I thought was my father! You turned me into the weakling he hated. [Elijah rises to his feet and paces anxiously, while Esther gulps and looks guilty. Klaus glares at Esther] Look at me! You rant and you rave about the monster I have become, but you, Mother - you are the author of everything I am. ( Esther looks flustered, and suddenly begins gasping for breath. Finn looks mildly alarmed as Cassie/Esther faints and slumps over in her seat. Elijah manages to catch her before her head hits the table, and he looks at his brothers in shock ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY / LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE / MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( At the cemetery, the hourglass Finn turned over has nearly run out ) ( At Lenore's shop, Hayley watches as Lenore continues to cast the soul -branding spell ) ( At the compound, the boys are panicked about Esther's condition ) Elijah: She's gone. ( Elijah goes to attck Finn, but he uses his magic to push Elijah away, which throws him over the table and into the nearby wall. Klaus vamp -speeds toward Finn and grabs him by the lapels ) Klaus: [shouts] Where is she? [Finn blows on his fingers and rubs them together, using the same muscle -seizing spell he used on Oliver earlier. Klaus falls to the floor in pain while Finn adjusts his jacket and looks around frantically] ( At the cemetery, the hourglass has just run out ) ( At Lenore's store, Lenore finishes her spell and falls forward, leaning against the cauldron to keep her from hitting the table. Hayley looks at her in concern as Lenore comes too and looks around the room, confused ) Hayley: ... Are you okay? Lenore: [still confused] Yes. Hayley: [stands] You sure - ? Lenore: [stands up straight] Just getting my bearings... [Hayley notices a brand on the back of Lenore's right hand in the shape of a triskelion, which startles her so much she jumps backwards and yelps] Hayley: The mark... [Esther looks down and takes in her new body] It's you, isn't it? Esther. ( Lenore/Esther smirks ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] [In the dining room, Klaus and Elijah have recovered from Finn's attck, but at some point, Finn managed to get away. Klaus and Elijah decide to question Cassie] Klaus: [furious] Where's our mother? Cassie: [terrified] Where am I? What's happening? ( Klaus loses his temper and grabs Cassie in a choke -hold. She gasps for air and struggles against his grip ) Elijah: [steps in] Leave her. She's a puppet. Niklaus, look at her! She has absolutely no idea. ( Klaus reluctantly lets go of her. Cassie becomes more confused ) Cassie: What are you talking about? Who are you? Klaus: Shut up! Stop talking right now. ( Cassie gulps nervously and stops talking. Elijah pats Klaus on the shoulder comfortingly before Klaus begins to pace around ) Klaus: Our mother orchestrated this entire evening just to trture us, and then simply vanishes. [walks back to Cassie and looks at her] Why? Elijah: [horrified] What if we are not the only minds she was hoping to poison tonight? [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] [Hayley's phone rings in her pocket, and she pulls it out to check it as Lenore/Esther washes the snake's blood from her hands. Hayley looks up at Esther anxiously] Esther: [nods] Go ahead. You can answer it. Hayley: [answers phone] Elijah? I'm at Lenore's shop - ( Esther thrusts her arm forward and uses her magic to kll Hayley's phone ) Esther: That'll be enough! Hayley: [scared and angry] They're gonna come for me. Esther: My darling, that's been the idea all along. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Klaus and Elijah are determinedly rushing out of the house so they can go rescue Hayley ) Elijah: Why would she want Hayley? Klaus: To kll her, to punish us, to learn the truth about the child, for one of any number of reasons. All of which will be rendered moot when I send her screaming back to hell. [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] ( Lenore/Esther and Hayley are still waiting for Elijah and Klaus to arrive ) Esther: It's so lovely to finally meet you. Tell me, do my sons ever acknowledge the good you bring into their lives? After all, it was you who gave them hope. [Hayley looks at her suspiciously] The promise of a child shows us all the possibilities of a future that could be. Children are meant to save us from the worst parts of who we are. A truth that makes my own circumstances all the more tragic, wouldn't you say? Hayley: [rolls her eyes] I don't pity you, Esther. Esther: [huffs] It's a terrible thing, for a mother to fail her child. [she picks up the starling necklace and looks at it] As you well know. [Hayley looks guilty] But now, I offer you freedom. The gift of a new body. Freedom from being a hybrid. [Hayley looks interested, but tries to hide it] I have the ability to return to you all that you have lost, Hayley. To make it so that you could have a family of your own. [smiles] More children of your own. Wouldn't that be nice? ( Klaus and Elijah finally arrive and interrupt their conversation ) Klaus: [rushes toward Hayley] I assume you've had the misfortune of speaking to my mother? ( Esther picks up a handful of some powdery substance and throws it towards Klaus, creating a magical barrier to keep him from coming any closer to her ) Klaus: [annoyed] You hide behind your spells like a coward! Esther: I did not come here to wage wr! ( Esther picks up another handful of the substance and throws it sideways toward Elijah, who has just tried to catch her off -guard, so that he can't come closer either ) Elijah: Everything you do is an act of wr. If you touch her, so help me - Esther: [interrupts] Hayley is free to go. I've spoken my piece, she knows why I'm here. I have come to heal our family, Elijah. Klaus: Well, that's a grand sentiment, coming from you. [turns back to Hayley] Go. Now. ( As Hayley turns to leave, Esther thrat explodes a lightbulb with magic ) Esther: My intent was never to harm! Only to heal, as I have already healed your brothers Finn and Kol. For you, I will undo everything that has been done, thereby giving you a new life! [Another lightbulb explodes] One without the vampire curse I inflicted upon you. ( Esther starts waving her hand above a cauldron, and the earth begins to shake, rattling all of the inventory on the shelves of the store ) Esther: Ask Hayley to share with you my loving proposition. Klaus: [angry] You're a fool if you think we'll accept anything that you offer! Esther: Oh, you are wrong, Niklaus! [The earth continues to rumble below them as more lightbulbs explode, and Esther holds her arms open wide] There will come a time, my darlings, that you will beg for it! ( The glass in the windows shatters inward, and Klaus and Elijah raise their arms over their faces to shield them from the debris. Esther lifts her arms over her head as hundreds of starlings burst their way through the windows and descend upon the store ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Elijah, Klaus, and Hayley are in the courtyard, processing all that they've learned this evening ) Klaus: Of course she used those damn birds to make her offer! Elijah: [cuts him off] Besides the offer of rebirth, what else did she say? Hayley: I don't know, she rambled a lot. She blamed the two of you for what happened to Hope, to me. Klaus: [stops pacing and stares at her] Well, I hope you're not thinking of taking her offer? [Hayley, looking guilty, can't meet Klaus or Elijah's eyes] Klaus: HAYLEY. I'm talking to you! Hayley: [stands] What do you want me to say, Klaus? I lost my daughter. So, yeah, when your mother offers to wipe the slate clean, excuse me if I'm tempted. [turns to Elijah] By the way, thanks for your help tonight, Elijah. I'm sorry that it takes me being in danger for you to even talk to me. [Hayley storms off. Elijah looks as though he's about to stop her, but Klaus calls out to him] Klaus: Leave her. I need you with me. [pauses] Our mother, Elijah, the woman who brought us into the world, made us what we are, and the whole time, she lied to me! She made me weak. Elijah: [sad] You were never weak, Niklaus. You are - you have always been - the most fierce of us all. In a thousand years, I have never seen anyone successfully stand against you. Not even our wicked father. Not one of the countless devoted to your destruction. You'll protect our home, even in the face of an adversary such as our mother, because that, brother... that is what you do. Klaus: [looks grateful and comforted and grips Elijah's shoulder in thanks] You remain ever the wise counsel, brother. The rest of the family could learn something from you. ( Elijah seems shocked at this kindness as Klaus leaves the room ) [ OLD POINT BAR ] ( Across the river, Gia is at the bar, watching a man on stage play blues guitar, when Elijah arrives and joins her ) Elijah: [to the bartender] Bourbon, neat. Gia: What? You need another python? Elijah: [smiles] One can never have too many. [to the bartender] Thank you. [to Gia] Are you playing tonight? Gia: I don't think so. Elijah: It's a shame. You're rather good! Gia: Ever since I turned, I haven't been able to play. I don't know why. Elijah: [steps closer to her] It's different for us. Cadence, rhythm, harmony... our experience of the senses is altered. We move faster, we hear things with a greater acuity. Silences are at once longer and more profound. [touches his ear] Sound is simply different to our ears. And then, there is the emotion. For a vampire, it is extremely heightened. [pauses] Sometimes it's difficult to express. ( Elijah takes a sip of his bourbon. Gia stares at him in confusion ) Gia: Yeah, that's, uh... that's exactly it. Elijah: Your music, the joy you felt when playing... you can learn again. [takes another drink] I can help you. Gia: Why? Elijah: Because if someone had done the same thing for myself and my siblings, I'm quite certain history would have unfolded differently. ( Elijah smiles at her, and after a moment, Gia gives him a small smile in return ) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Marcel is sitting on his couch, having a drink, as the remaining vampires across the river congregate in groups. Some are drinking alcohol and talking, others are feeding on humans. Gia returns to the loft and approaches Marcel ) Marcel: [smiles] Where were you? Gia: I saw Elijah. [smiles] You were right. He found something that he wanted to fix. [laughs] He's gonna help me. ( She sits next to Marcel on the couch, and the two take in the party atmosphere ) Marcel: He's gonna help us all. [ COVEN HOUSE/CLOSING MONTAGE ] ( Vincent/Finn and Lenore/Esther are having a heated discussion in the greenhouse. Esther opens a cage that holds two starlings ) Finn: Now, you must have known they wouldn't give in without a fight. Esther: Of course! Tonight was not an ultimatum, it was an invitation. I just want to get them thinking. After all, only those who know they are lost will ask to be found. Finn: They're defiant by nature, and they've grown very strong. How do you expect to show them the error of their ways? Esther: [laughs] I will systematically destroy everything they hold dear. [cut to Niklaus, sitting alone in the compound's courtyard] I've already taken the wolves from Niklaus and made them our own. It is time, now, to focus on the prodigal son, Marcel, and his small nest of vampires across the river. [cut to Marcel, who has handed Gia a drink and introduced her to her fellow vampires] Now that we have cleansed the Quarter of his kind, perhaps it's time to turn our attention to the outskirts of our beautiful home. We will take their pride, their joy, their love. [cut to Hayley, who sits quietly in her bedroom, and looks over to see the empty rocking chair in the nursery] We will lay it all to ruin. [cut to the courtyard, where Elijah has returned and joined Klaus] And, when they are at their lowest point, in their deepest despair, they will have no choice but to beg me to release them from their pain. [she smirks] And, because I love them, I will. END	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x03 - Every Mother's Son"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... This town was my home once. I want it back. We should have known our mother would not be bound by anything as obvious as death. Esther. I have come to heal our family. For you, I will undo everything that has been done, thereby giving you a new life. You mean, you don't recognize me? It's been a long time, Finn. Well, there's no way Kol would listen to anything other than his ego. And even the wildest us of Mikaelsons has seen the error of his ways. I'm Kaleb. Davina. Aah! You filthy dogs. It can't be. Hello, son. Father! How do you expect to show them the error of their ways? Perhaps it's time to turn our attention to the outskirts of our beautiful home. [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( The vampires are congregated at Marcel's apartment, drinking and talking. Gia stands against the wall with her eyes closed, and catches a dart thrown by a fellow vampire before it can ht her in the face ) Gia: [laughs and holds out her hand to the vampire] Pay up! ( The vampire hands her a $100 bill. Across the room, Josh is checking a message on a dating app on his phone. His username is NoLaYolo019. Marcel walks over and hands him a drink ) Marcel: Any prospects? Josh: Well, since you asked... Yeah, there's this one guy. We've been messaging so far, but... I think I like him. Like, really like him. Marcel: So, what's the problem? Josh: Oh, I don't know... I might have left a few things out of the old profile. For example, what has two thumbs and drinks blood to survive? Oh, right! This guy. [he gives Marcel a double -thumbs -up] ( Marcel laughs and takes a sip of his drink. After a moment, someone is thrown through the windows. It's a vampire, who appears to have had his throat ripped out. Suddenly, werewolves with moonlight rings swarm the loft, led by Oliver and a werewolf named Aiden ) Gia: [angry] The hell is wrong with you people? We didn't do anything! Aiden: This is nothing your kind hasn't done to us. Learn your history. Marcel: I don't know who the hell you are, but we had a deal. Vampires stay out of the Quarter, everybody's cool. Aiden: That's not good enough anymore. Marcel: Oh yeah? Says who? You? Or that witch you all answer to now? Lenore, right? Never thought I'd see the day - proud werewolves on a witch's leash. I hope those rings you're wearing are worth it. ( Aiden smirks and nods toward the wolves behind him. One of the werewolves grabs one of the vampires and bites into his neck. Another werewolf goes after Josh, and Josh uses all of his strength to keep him from biting him as well ) Aiden: That's enough! ( Josh manages to push the werewolf off of him ) Aiden: Your privileges here have been revoked. Permanently. So, when we come back, you need to be gone. Because next time? I won't call them off. [Marcel glares at him] Consider this a warning, Marcel. It's the only one you're gonna get. [ CREDITS ] [ VINCENT'S OFFICE ] ( Vincent/Finn, who is still "undercover" as a psychology adviser at Cami's school, is sitting in a chair, while Cami, who is looking out the window, talks to him. While she speaks, we see a montage of an All Hallows Eve party on the streets below ) Cami: This is a city of death. Fires, floods... to say nothing of the volence we do to each other. We may laissez les bon temps rouler, but really, we've turned life here into one big party to distract ourselves from a single, unavoidable truth - we're all going to die. Vincent/Finn: Is that what you're afraid of? Cami: Who says I'm afraid of anything? Vincent/Finn: Cami, we've been meeting like this for weeks now, and you're still dodging my questions. Now, how do you expect your patients to open up to you when you won't open up yourself? Cami: I'm open! What do you want me to be open about? My dad uncle? My dad brother? Vincent/Finn: How about the living? I mean, you're highly intelligent, you are charming, and you're beautiful. I mean, surely you must have friends? Boyfriends? ( Cami chuckles and shakes her head ) Vincent/Finn: [scoffs] You really mean to tell me that there's no one that warrants discussion here? Cami: [shrugs] I'm attracted to the wrong kind of guy. I know, tale as old as time. Vincent/Finn: Well, Cami, that's your tale! And, part of the therapeutic process is in the telling of it! Cami: [sighs] There was this one guy. Smart, loyal, abs for days... But, I was his rebound girl, if I'm gonna be honest with myself. And, he was also... well, you know, unique in ways that mean I should probably stay away from him. Vincent/Finn: [smiles] Unique? Cami: Just trust me on this one. We're not compatible. Vincent/Finn: Now, you said one guy. Am I to assume there are more? Cami: [shrugs] There was... this other guy. Also unique. I mean, nothing ever happened between us. He just got under my skin, I guess. Manipulative mother, abusive father. And under all that anger, and mistrust, and cruelty, there was goodness in him. And, no matter how much I tried, I couldn't pretend it wasn't there. Vincent/Finn: You cared for him. You wanted to save him. So, what happened? Cami: [quietly] Some people don't wanna be saved. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( The Crescent wolves staying at the compound are congregated in the courtyard when Elijah enters the room ) Elijah: Brother! Niklaus! Hayley: [marches into the room] You do realize that literally everyone in here has supernatural hearing, right? Elijah: Where is my brother? Hayley: [sarcastically] I'll check his calendar... Wait, no. Not his wife, so... Elijah: [annoyed] Hayley, this city is under siege by an army of beasts following my deranged mother's every command. Now, considering it was your people who just declared wr on my kind, now's not the best time for your particular brand of sass. Hayley: [unamused] Klaus left a while ago. If you want to find him, I can't help you. If only there was a magical device that people used to call people? I don't know, I'm out of ideas. Good luck. [she turns and walks away, but stops and turns back at the last moment] Oh! One more thing, Elijah - those "beasts" that you're referring to? They may be under Esther's control, but, like you said, they're my people. So, if you hurt them, your bitch mother will be the least of your problems. ( She turns to leave. Elijah stands and stares as she walks away, looking unhappy ) [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] ( The All Hallows Eve party is still raging on in the streets as Cami exits Vincent's office. She calls Davina, who answers it ) Cami: Finally, you pick up your phone! I've been trying to get a hold of you for days! Way to leave a girl hanging. ( The scene cuts back and forth between Cami in the Quarter and Davina, who is standing on the porch of a cabin out near the Bayou ) Davina: I know, I should have called you back. I didn't want you to worry. I just... things are complicated. ( She watches while Mikael trains with a wooden staff out in the yard ) Cami: Yeah, well, word on the streets - and, by streets, I mean Josh - is that you've gone totally MIA. Seriously, are you okay? Where are you? Davina: I'm fine. I'll be back soon, I promise. And... thanks for calling. It's good to hear your voice. [she hangs up] Cami: Davina? Davina? ( She sighs and checks her phone to see that the call has disconnected. Behind her, Klaus is standing and smirking ) Klaus: Well, that was rather rude! [Cami turns quickly and gapes at him in shock] Well, it's a pleasure to see you, too, Camille! Cami: Don't...Don't do that crooked -smile thing, okay? I haven't see you for months, and now you're... appearing out of the blue? What do you want? Klaus: Well, I have a rather long list of people I need to track down and deal with, and at the top of that list is a certain runaway witch. Cami: Maybe she doesn't want to be found. Klaus: And for good reason. Had I magically resurrected the insane, vampire -hunting father of my sworn enemy, I'd be hiding too! Cami: [stunned] Wait, what? Klaus: Oh, haven't you heard? Mikael the Destroyer, back from the dad. And, by all accounts, under the complete control of your little friend, Davina. Cami: [worried] Well, you heard her, clearly. She didn't say where she was! Klaus: Oh, on the contrary, love. You just had to know how to listen. For instance, I heard cicadas, and I heard tans, but the real giveaway was the church bells. Did you know Davina's family owns a little cabin in Terrebonne Parish? It's been abandoned for years! But, a brief glimpse at a map showed its just a mile from the loveliest little chapel. Cami: [sighs] So, what's the plan? Klaus: Well, the way I see it, if Davina wants to use Mikael to kll me, we just have two options. One, you reason with her. Two? Well, I don't think you'd like two very much. Cami: [considers this for a moment] Fine. Let's go ( The two begin to walk down the street and head off to Davina's cabin ) [ COVEN HOUSE ] ( Lenore/Esther and Kaleb/Kol are in the greenhouse, where they are holding their hands over a map to do a locator spell. Esther is chanting the spell, while Kol just pretends to mouth the words while he tries to check his phone ) Esther: Qui nous ti fille, a pouvoir la trouver, yon souree non se bla - [claps] Kol! Concentrate. [Kol rolls his eyes and puts his phone away] Unless you've finally heard from our missing Davina Claire. ( She takes a rose and plucks several petals from it before dropping them in a glass bowl of water ) Kol: Well, it's only a matter of time. I mean, look at this face! How long can she possibly resist? Esther: Given your progress, I'd say indefinitely. ( She pricks her pinky with the end of a dagger and drips her blood into the bowl with the rose petals ) Esther: No matter. I'll find her. [she holds up the bowl] Now, focus. Conjure her in your mind. [Kol sighs and closes his eyes] Mate oxan ceux qui en lumierre la fille - ( The bowl shatters in her hands and all over the map ) Esther: She's somehow blocked our locator spell. Kol: Not entirely my fault, then. Vincent/Finn: [enters the room] Considering your sole task was keeping track of a teenager, you might want to draw a little less attention to your absolute failure to do so. Kol: Oh, you're one to talk about failure! Have you got that human girl to bare her soul to you, yet? Or are you too busy playing captain to a pack of mangy dogs to have any success as a fake headshrinker? Finn: [annoyed] You know what your problem is? Kol: Oh, I would love to listen - Esther: [frustrated] Boys. [Finn and Kol break up their fight] Now, if I'm right, Davina has the white oak stake. Find the girl, Kol, and get it back. [ DAVINA'S FAMILY'S CABIN ] ( Mikael is outside, standing with his wooden staff with his eyes closed, as though he is meditating. He is clearly still healing from his battle against the werewolves in Alive and Kicking. Davina comes out to join him ) Davina: You don't look so good. Those bites - Mikael: [approaches her] Werewolf venom is to be purged by force, not acquiesced to. Davina: And what is that? A Viking bumper sticker? Mikael: [ignores her] Exactly how much longer are we going to be hiding here? Like cowards? Davina: Elijah saw you. If he knows you're here, then Klaus does, too. So, I'm sorry, but until I unlink him from my friends, you're stuck here with me. Mikael: Confrontation is inevitable, child. Your fear will prove to be our greatest disadvantage. Davina: I'm not afraid. Mikael: Well, you should be. You are weak. Davina: But I'm still in charge. [she holds up her wrist and shows him her bracelet] By the way, I spelled it while you were...purging. It won't come off again. Mikael: Ah, yes. Your magic. How well did that serve you when the wolves attcked? Hmm? Magic can only ever fight half your battles. Remember that. ( Mikael turns to go back to his training. Davina calls after him ) Davina: Okay. Fine. You're so tough? Teach me. Mikael: Teach you what? Davina: How to be strong. ( Mikael smirks ) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( The vampires, including Gia, Marcel, and Josh, are all meeting to discuss what to do with the werewolves' ultimatum ) Gia: We don't wanna run. Marcel: I know, and I respect that. But, believe me, there's a big difference between wanting to fight and knowing how to win. Gia: So, show us! You've kicked their ass before, I'm guessing you didn't do it alone. Josh: [holds up hand] Umm, yeah, not that I don't dig the whole Karate Kid vibe that we got going on here, but - how are we supposed to learn to defend ourselves from an army of super -wolves in, like, one day? ( Marcel has no answer. Suddenly, someone vamp -speeds through the room and snaps the necks of two of the male vampires. It's Elijah. Marcel rolls his eyes and sighs, while Josh looks nervous ) Elijah: Lesson one - always be on your guard. ( Marcel and Gia stare at Elijah. Elijah smirks ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Vincent/Finn is conferring with Oliver, Aiden, and several other werewolf leaders in front of a large crypt ) Vincent/Finn: Well, I trust our message was well received. Oliver: Loud and clear. Those vampires should be gone by tomorrow. Vincent/Finn: In my experience, one can never be too careful with these creatures, though. We'll greet them with superior numbers. [turns to another werewolf] Would you bring me the recruits, now, Sam? [Sam leaves to do as he's told] Oliver, Aiden - I have a task for you. ( A group of young children in their early teens are led out to join the leaders. Aiden's eyes widen in shock and confusion when he sees a young, dark -haired boy in the crowd ) Aiden: What's going on here? Vincent/Finn: Tonight is luna sanguinis. A blood moon. Now, one thousand years ago, your people marked this celestial event with a rite of passage. Electing not to shrink from their nature, but to embrace it, with pride, by slaying a human being and activating their curse. ( Aiden gasps quietly in horror when he realizes what Vincent/Finn is trying to do ) Vincent/Finn: Tonight, as unturned wolves, you will kll with the singular purpose of unleashing that warrior that lives within you. Aiden: [angry] They're just a bunch of kids! Vincent/Finn: Aiden, we can no longer afford to hide our children from the horrors of wr. [He puts his arm around the dark -haired boy's shoulders. Oliver and Aiden look horrified] From now on, you're either with us, or you're against us. [he turns to the children] Come with me! ( Vincent/Finn leads the children away, as Oliver and Aiden stare at them as they leave ) [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Mikael is carving a symbol into another wooden staff he has made from a tree branch. Davina comes outside to join him ) Davina: What's that? Mikael: The crest of our clan. A reminder that we always carry the honor of our ancestors before we go to battle. [He flings the Knfe into the wooden swing on which he's sitting before standing and throwing the staff at Davina, who just barely catches it] Davina: I wasn't ready! Mikael: First lesson - always be on your guard. Davina: [feels the staff] It's heavy. Mikael: [annoyed] I was half your age the first time my father gave me the staff. I would have torn every muscle rather than let him see me strain. And, had I - [he attcks her, and she barely blocks it] - He would have corrected me. Davina: [pants] No offense, but your dad sounds like a jerkwad. Mikael: Mothers love their children. Fathers make them strong. [He attcks her again, and though she struggles, she manages to continue blocking him] Davina: My mother tried to sacrifice me, and my dad took off when I was born. So - [she starts to fight back, but Mikael easily dodges her strikes] Mikael: You're anticipating. Do not let me see your move before you make it. [He strikes at her staff, knocking her off -balance and causing her to twist her ankle as she falls. She whimpers in pain] Mikael: [impatient] Get up. Davina: [groans] I can't. I hurt my ankle. Mikael: The ability to end your pain is a warrior's true wapon. Master that, and nothing holds power over you. [Davina glares at him] Now, on your feet. [Davina winces] I said, on. your. feet. ( Davina continues to glare at him, but does grab her staff to use it to help her pull herself up on her feet. She leans against the staff for support. Mikael looks mildly impressed ) Mikael: Good. Perhaps you've actually learned something today. [ BAR NEAR THE BAYOU ] ( Cami sits alone at a table with a cocktail, staring off into space, when Klaus walks in and finds her ) Klaus: "Wait in the car," you said. "I'll be right back," you said! [Cami ignores him and takes a big gulp of her drink] Did I not sufficiently explain to you the urgency of this endeavor? Cami: You're the one who hijacked my afternoon to drive me along to this revenge fantasy of yours! Excuse me if I need a drink to take off the edge before the klling begins. Klaus: So, that's your plan, is it? Ply me with alcohol and prattle on until I'm convinced to leave Davina and Michael alone to plot my death? Cami: No. My plan is to listen. Come on, Klaus. You could have eavesdropped on that phone call and vanished before I even knew you were there. So, let's just get to the part you really want me to play. [Klaus stares at her] Therapist, stenographer, drinking buddy. Call it whatever you want, I know why I'm here: to give you the one thing you've never had - someone to hear your side. ( Klaus gapes at her, shocked that she would offer such a thing. He then quietly sits down across from Cami at the table ) Cami: So. You want to kll your father? Fine! Let's talk. ( She smiles at him, and Klaus smiles back before grabbing her drink and taking a sip ) [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Davina is inside, sitting in a chair, as she gingerly removes her boot to find that her ankle is swollen and bruising. She whimpers in pain as she gently touches the top of her foot, and, seeing no other options, picks up her phone and dials a number ) Davina: [wincing in pain] Hi. Um, I'm sorry, I know I haven't called in a while. Kaleb/Kol: [in the coven house's greenhouse] Don't be silly, love. Are you alright? Where are ya? Davina: Um... I'll text you the address. And maybe a list of some things you can bring me? Kaleb/Kol: Alright, I'll be right there. [He hangs up and smiles] [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Elijah is helping to teach Gia how to fight like a vampire. She goes to punch his chest, but he blocks it ) Elijah: As a devout feminist, I refuse to say that you ht like a girl. [He lets go, and she spins in frustration] Let's try this again, shall we? Gia: Tell me again why I don't get to be outside with everybody else. You know, with the nice teacher? Elijah: [rolls up his sleeves] You are my responsibility. Gia: ...Says the feminist. Elijah: [chuckles] Fighting is rhythm. There is a music, there is a meter, there is a pattern. Let that rhythm bat within you. [stands defensively] Again. [Gia puts up her fists and starts to fight him, but he easily blocks her blows. The two spin and continue practicing] Elijah: Legato. [fighting] Ostinato. [fighting] Crescendo. [She hits him, but he blocks it] And then, once you've established your cadence - [Gia spins out of his grip, kicks him, and presses him against the wall while he's distracted] Gia: [smiles] You change the key. Elijah: [panting] Very nice. [He grabs her arm and presses her hand against his chest] Now - the head, or the heart? [Gia hesitates] None of this matters if you cannot make the kll. Gia: What if I can't do it? ( She lets go of him, but he grabs her arm and puts it back in place ) Elijah: You will. To survive. Now - the head, or the heart? [Gia looks terrified, but she shoves her hand into Elijah's chest and grabs his heart. Elijah winces in pain but looks proud] Hayley: [enters the apartment and is horrified] Elijah? [Gia and Elijah both look startled and mildly embarrassed. Gia takes her hand out of his chest and lets go of him. Hayley looks slightly jealous, but she plays it cool and approaches them] Hayley: We need to talk. ( Aiden follows Hayley into the loft. Gia looks as though she's about to lunge for him, but Elijah holds her back ) Hayley: We're not here for a fight. Just hear him out. Elijah: [unamused] Speak. I suggest you be succinct. Aiden: [sighs] Please. I need your help. ( After the break, Elijah, Gia, Hayley, and Aiden have been joined by Oliver, Josh, and Marcel. The werewolves explain their dilemma ) Aiden: The witch wants soldiers. So now, it's either join up, or pay the price. Elijah: I've known my brother Finn to be merciless, but I'll admit, this exceeds even my expectations. Hayley: They're just kids. Marcel, you know the Quarter like the back of your hand. If anyone can get them out of here, it's you. Marcel: Oh? And take 'em where? Oliver: There's still wolves deep in the Bayou. Ones that didn't take a ring. They can look after them. Marcel: The ones that never sold out, you mean. Oliver: You wanna look at it like that, that's fine. We did what we had to do. Marcel: [sighs] Your wolves have been fighting us for decades. Why trust us now? Aiden: [hesitates] One of the recruits is my little brother. [Josh looks shocked] There's no way I'm sending him to wr. ( Marcel looks over at Elijah, who sighs ) Elijah: Tell us what you need. [ A BAR NEAR THE BAYOU ] ( Klaus is getting drunk and telling Cami what she wants to know ) Klaus: My mother's intentions are far less savage than my father's. She'd prefer to place us all in new bodies, thereby reuniting our family in some bizarre coven of extremely dysfunctional witches. Cami: So, what, are you just gonna kll her, too? Klaus: If only I could. But, therein lies my predicament - if I kll her, she'll just jump into another body. If I somehow manage to thwart that nasty little inconvenience, she'll rejoin the bloody witch ancestors and haunt me from beyond. But, right now, Mikael has the white oak stake. He needs to die first. Cami: And, how are you going to do that unarmed? Klaus: [smiles and puts a hand inside his jacket] I've taken precautions. [He pulls out Papa Tunde's blade and shows it to her] Cami: Oh, goody, Papa Tunde's Mystical -Knfe -of -Ludicrous -Torment. Glad that's still around. Klaus: You know, my parents dedicated their lives to making me feel weak and afraid. I've klled them once already. I can do it again. [He stands to his feet as though he's about to leave, but Cami stops him by grabbing his arm] Cami: Klaus, wait. I get it. The hurt your parents have inflicted on you for a thousand years. I understand what you're fighting against. The real question is what are you fighting for? [Klaus looks at her, confused and surprised] Ask me to dance. Klaus: [skeptical] You want to dance? Cami: No. I... never want to dance. I'm actually really bad at it. But, I'm trying to make a point - there's more to life than the pain they made you feel. A cold beer, a slow song, a good friend... There are good things, Klaus. [she takes his hand] And you need to see that, too. ( Klaus looks as though he's about to cry. Cami puts her free hand on his shoulder, and he puts his own hand on her waist as the two begin to dance. They stare at each other, their faces close ) Cami: There's no real peace in revenge. ( Klaus' face slowly creeps closer to Cami's, as though he's going to kiss her, but he simply moves his face so its resting against hers. Cami looks overwhelmed as he puts his face close to hers again before he spins her quickly. Cami smiles for a brief moment, but when she turns back toward him, Klaus has vanished. She looks sad and disappointed ) [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Kaleb/Kol has arrived to the cabin with the things she asked for, and is taking a look at Davina's bruised ankle ) Kaleb/Kol: [rolls up the cuff of her jeans] Yeah, I've heard about this! I've never actually seen it firsthand. It appears someone has knocked you head over heels, quite literally! [Davina giggles] And I thought I'd have that honor! Davina: [smiles] Hmm. ( Kol uses his fingers to scoop up an herbal poultice that he's made in a bowl and spreads it over Davina's injured foot ) Davina: [wrinkles nose] Ugh, it smells like - Kaleb/Kol: - You've run into something quite dad? Yeah. It's just a little something I picked up from a shaman bloke in Uganda. [he finishes treating her ankle] There you go! Davina: [sighs in relief as she tries to stand] Wow, the pain is just - ( She stumbles, and Kaleb/Kol catches her ) Kaleb/Kol: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [he sits her down on the bench next to him] It's magic, alright? It's not a miracle. [He sets her ankle on the chair so it can rest before nodding toward the vials, herbs, and parchments with magical writing sitting on the table] Kaleb/Kol: That's quite the spell you've got going here! [Davina chuckles] I mean, not to pry, but I figured you had your secrets after our last date ended in a werewolf bar brawl. Davina: [smiles] Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Kaleb/Kol: Aw, it's alright. I've never really liked dull girls, anyway. That said, what exactly is going on here? [Davina opens her mouth to speak, but can't find the words] You're still not the trusting sort. Davina: [sighs] Do you trust me? Kaleb/Kol: [jokingly] Are you slicked? Those sad eyes might fool some people, but not me. I know what you're after. [Davina is confused] You've got a lecherous heart, Davina Claire! [Davina bursts out laughing] I won't be used, not for my body, nor my medicinal herbs! Davina: [giggles] Hmmm. Kaleb/Kol: We can hold hands, that's it! [he looks at her for a moment] Whatever it is you're up to, well, you can tell me when you're good and ready. [He brushes a lock of her hair behind her ear, and Davina stares at him, smiling] [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Marcel, Elijah, Josh, Gia, Hayley, Aiden, and Oliver are organizing their plan for the evening. Josh stares at Aiden awkwardly as he talks ) Aiden: Alright, the kids are being held in the City of the dad until we bring them through the Quarter to St. Anne's Church. Now, meanwhile, Vincent is holding a meeting with a few humans in -the -know. The ones who have been...reluctant to fall in line with his new leadership. Elijah: [in realization] He's going to use the children to kll any opposition. Aiden: [nods] Activate their curse, send a message to anyone who's thinking about going against him. It's two birds, one... bloodbath. Marcel: Okay, so, we'll ht them while the kids are on the move. Elijah: Aiden, make certain you and Oliver escort the children. We'll handle the rest. Oliver: Wait, wait, wait, wait - Esther and her psycho son are already giving me the stink -eye. If these kids go missing on my watch, I'm as good as dad. Elijah: You wanted to help your people and make amends for the past. This is your chance. [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Kaleb/Kol has just put a sleeping Davina in her bed. When he's sure she's asleep, he closes her bedroom door and starts to sneak through her things in search of the white oak stake. He passes an ajar door and sees that dozens of candles are lit inside. He slowly opens the door and peers inside, and when he determines it to be empty, he walks inside and starts to look around. He opens and shuts several drawers before finally finding the stake. Just as he grabs it, Mikael appears and twists his arm behind him ) Mikael: What have we here? A liar and a thief? Kaleb/Kol: [groans] I'm just looking about! Mikael: [shouts] Give me one reason why I shouldn't kll you right here? Kaleb/Kol: The bracelet. The one she uses to control you. I'm a witch. I know the magic to turn it off. You'll be free to do whatever you want, provided you promise not to harm me. ( Mikael considers this for a moment before roughly letting him go. Kaleb/Kol winces in pain and rubs his hand ) Kaleb/Kol: I take it we have a deal? ( Mikael stares at him ) [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] ( The All Hallows Eve party is still raging on in the streets of the Quarter. Everyone is in costumes as Aiden, Oliver, and the other werewolf leaders walk the werewolf children toward St. Anne's Church. Aiden's brother, Nick, looks very nervous ) [Gia holds a drink in her hand and pretends to drunkenly run into one of the werewolf leaders, who stops to start a fight with her. Gia shoves him backward, where Marcel catches him and snaps his neck. Marcel meets Aiden's eye before he and Gia run away, allowing Aiden and Oliver to "chase" after them in the name of tracking them down] Aiden: [points to another leader] You take the kids. Split up and find them! ( After they leave, Oliver approaches the crowd of werewolf children ) Oliver: [as quietly as possible] Listen up, listen up. We gotta go, don't ask questions. Just move! [claps] Come on! ( Oliver leads the children through the Quarter. He stops short, not seeing any familiar faces, but is immediately relieved when he hears Hayley's voice ) Hayley: [whispers] Ollie, this way! ( Oliver and the kids follow her through an alley and into Rousseau's, where Josh is waiting for them. He opens a door hidden behind a cupboard in the kitchen ) Josh: [to the children] Go ahead. [to Oliver and Hayley] It's a passageway from the Prohibition days. It'll take us pretty much anywhere we want to go. ( Josh crouches down and enters the passage, as Hayley follows behind him. Oliver watches them as they close the door and looks nervous ) [ PARKING GARAGE / TUNNELS ] ( Oliver has just arrived in a parking garage, where Elijah is waiting for him ) Elijah: Where are they? Oliver: They should be right behind me. Any minute now. [Hayley leads the children through the tunnels, and puts a finger to her lips to remind them to stay quiet. Josh leads with a flashlight, and when they come up upon a metal gate, he breaks it down. Gia arrives and meets up with Josh] Josh: Hey, where's Marcel? Gia: Uh, he's getting the getaway car. Hayley: Hey! Big -mouth! Shut it! There are werewolves everywhere. [In the parking garage, Elijah and Oliver are waiting when they hear a noise] Oliver: Here we go. About time. ( Suddenly, they're surrounded by a large group of werewolves ) Werewolf 1: Don't bother trying to run. We've got you surrounded. Oliver: [laughs] What, you don't think that we would be dumb enough to bring 'em here, do you? Elijah: Yes, I so do apologize for any inconvenience. The little ones you seek are elsewhere. [smiles] Which, I suppose, leaves you here with me. Werewolf 1: You're the ones that don't seem to understand! We're not looking for the kids. The witch wants you. Elijah: [takes off his jacket] Listen to me very carefully - I told a good friend that I'd do my very best to spare the lives of her people. You leave right now? I will honor that. [smiles] Stay, and the situation becomes irrefutably awkward. ( The werewolf's lip twitches as he braces himself for a fight. The rest of the wolves do the same. Elijah turns to Oliver ) Elijah: [rolls eyes] Very well. [to Oliver] You should probably leave. [he throws his jacket aside] Oliver: [sighs] Either I'm in, or I'm out, right? ( Elijah nods, and he and Oliver stand back to back ) [ GAS STATION ] ( Josh has just led the werewolf children to Marcel, who is waiting with the ambulance they're using as a getaway vehicle ) Marcel: [gestures to the children] Let's go! Move! ( The children pile into the back of the ambulance, as Marcel helps them up. Nick is about to get in when Aiden arrives ) Aiden: Nick! Nick: [smiles] Aiden! You made it! ( The two hug ) Aiden: Of course I did! I told you I'd be here, didn't I? [he pats Nick on the head and gestures for the ambulance] Go. ( Marcel and Hayley close up the ambulance. Aiden and Josh give each other a look before Aiden walks over to Marcel ) Aiden: Thank you. [looks at Hayley] Both of you. Hayley: We're both fighting for the same thing, you know. Just trying to save the ones that we love. ( Aiden smiles at her. Marcel claps Aiden kindly on the shoulder before going to get in the driver's seat of the ambulance as Hayley joins him. Aiden takes one last look at Nick through the back window before they leave ) [ PARKING GARAGE ] ( Oliver and Elijah have just finished taking out all of the werewolves. They're both covered in blood, and Oliver has ripped one of the werewolves' arms off ) Oliver: [pants] Well, I guess this is all they got. Elijah: [looks around] So it would seem. ( Suddenly, Elijah screams out in pain as his muscles seize up. Oliver looks around in alarm and sees that Vincent/Finn has arrived and is casting a pain infliction spell on Elijah ) Finn: Actually, I am just getting started. [He balls his hand into a fist and Elijah falls to his knees in agony. When Oliver lunges for him, Finn uses telekinesis to throw him backwards against a car. He falls to the floor, unconscious. Elijah takes advantage of Finn's distraction and vamp -speeds toward him and grabs him in a choke -hold against a car] Elijah: Perhaps your next body will last longer than this one, brother. ( Elijah is about to snap his neck when suddenly, a regular wooden stake impales him from behind. Elijah gasps and moans in pain. Behind him, Lenore/Esther is standing, having telekinetically staked him. She holds out her hand and twists it, which twists the stake until Elijah falls neutralized to the ground. Oliver has just awoken and is watching in horror ) [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Kaleb/Kol is leaning over Davina's sleeping form, about to de -spell her bracelet for Mikael, when she suddenly wakes up and sees him ) Kaleb/Kol: [quickly grabs her phone from the bed to cover for himself] Your phone is chock full of texts. Who's Cami? ( Davina looks at her phone and sees multiple texts from Cami. They read: "I really need you to answer me!" "HE KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE!" ) Davina: [scared] Come with me now. ( She takes Kaleb/Kol's hand and leads him out of the room ) ( Outside, Klaus has just arrived at the cabin. He walks up onto the porch and looks through the windows. Because Davina and Kaleb/Kol are doing a spell inside, he can't see anything ) Davina & Kaleb/Kol: [unintelligble chanting] ( Klaus walks across the porch and looks into another window. Although Klaus can't see anything, Mikael is standing inside, watching him and gripping the white oak stake in his hand. When Klaus goes to look around in the yard, he sees a staff with the crest of his family's clan carved on it and grabs it before angrily throwing it through the window like a javelin. When Davina and Kaleb/Kol duck, Davina's head hits the edge of a trunk and she's knocked unconscious ) Klaus: [shouts] Enough games, Davina! Send out my father! Let's finish this. ( Kaleb/Kol is checking on Davina when Mikael grabs him in a choke -hold ) Mikael: Release me! Or I will kll you right now! ( Mikael drops Kaleb/Kol onto the floor ) Klaus: [outside] DAVINA! Is this not why you brought him for? I'm not afraid! ( Kaleb/Kol grabs Davina's wrist and touches the bracelet ) Kaleb/Kol: En conclues secreté un diande un tri en les dose mofede, en conclues secreté un diande un tri en les dose mofede - ( Davina's bracelet starts to glow, and Mikael closes his eyes, feeling the power of the curse lifting ) ( Klaus is waiting outside when he hears the sound of the door creaking open. Mikael walks out onto the porch and smirks ) Mikael: Hello, boy. [Klaus tries to remain strong, but looks scared] You seem rather impatient. Are you so eager to meet your end? Klaus: [approaches him] I'm only eager to stand over your burning corpse again. Only this time, I intend to enjoy it more. Mikael: [walks down the stairs] I've traveled all the way back from hell for this moment. Klaus: [smiles] Well, then, I'd hate to keep you waiting! [He lunges for Mikael, and the two begin fighting. Though they both manage most of each others' blows, Mikael clearly has the upper hand. He eventually kicks Klaus down onto the ground, and then kicks him again so that he's laying flat on his back. He grabs Klaus in a choke -hold and is about to stake him when Klaus kicks him backward, allowing him to rise to his feet. He stomps on Mikael's hand before he can grab the stake, which is laying on the ground between them, and the two begin to fight again] ( Mikael once again knocks Klaus flat on the ground, and holds him in a choke -hold as he tries to stake him, while Klaus desperately tries to keep the stake from piercing his skin. Eventually, Mikael manages to sab him in the shoulder. Klaus screams in pain and grabs Papa Tunde's blade from his jacket before sab Mikael in the chest with it. Mikael screams out in pain and falls to the ground as the Knfe begins to embed itself in Mikael's chest. Klaus pulls the stake out of his shoulder and rises to his feet ) [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Klaus, still with the stake in hand, stares at Mikael's body lying still on the ground, incapacitated by the pain inflicted by the cursed blade. Suddenly, Cami runs toward him as fast as she can, panting and trying to catch her breath ) Cami: [frantic] Where is she? If something happened to her, Klaus, I swear to God - Klaus: Davina's fine. She'll wake with a spectacular headache, but given her intentions for me, she should count herself lucky. [Cami sighs in relief, and Klaus smiles] 'Course, if you drop dad of a heart attck, I may have to kll her on general principle. Cami: [still breathless] You're the one that ditched me at the bar! I had to hitch -hike and then run on the backroads of the Bayou! Klaus: Well, your perseverance is duly noted. Cami: [annoyed] Oh, shut up! I'm so mad at you, I can hardly speak. But, I am here, and it is to tell you - not to bargain with you, and not to shame you, but to tell you - under no circumstances will you hurt that girl, do you understand me? Klaus: [opens his mouth to say something, but reconsiders] You have my word. ( Cami, relieved, rushes to Klaus and gives him a hug. Klaus looks surprised. When they break apart, Cami sees Mikael laying on the floor ) Cami: Is that Mikael? Is he...? Klaus: He's still alive, in complete and utter agony. I decided to take your advice, keep him that way. ( Cami looks confused and horrified ) [ BYWATER TAVERN ] ( Josh is sitting at the bar, looking at his dating app messages from someone named MordorInTheFirst. The message reads, "Tonight, 10PM, Bywater Tavern" Josh sighs nervously and drinks his beer. After a moment, Aiden enters the bar and sits down next to him ) Josh: [surprised] I didn't think you were gonna show. Aiden: [shrugs awkwardly] I didn't think you were a vampire. Josh: Ditto, on the whole leader -of -a -werewolf army -thing... [awkward silence] P.S? [holds up his phone] These pictures don't really do you justice. You're way hotter in person. [smiles] You know, when you're not mrder people. Aiden: [uncomfortable] I shouldn't have come. Josh: Yeah... but you did. Why? Aiden: I guess I hoped seeing you might make me feel a little less... I don't know. Alone? Josh: [smiles and hesitates before speaking] Okay, look. Maybe for tonight, we could pretend things are different. I'm not a vampire, you're not a wolf, the city isn't about to implode...? [They both chuckle, and Aiden rolls his eyes playfully] We can just, I don't know... be ourselves? Aiden: [smiles and nods] I'd like that. ( Josh smiles back at him, and Aiden gestures to the bartender for a drink ) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( After their mission, Hayley, Marcel, and Gia have returned to Marcel's apartment, where he pours the girls drinks. Hayley accepts one and smiles ) Hayley: Well, we did it! I never thought I'd see the day when "we" meant us. [laughs] Marcel: Well, you're a vampire now. First rule is never say never, 'cause never ain't that long. And, what we did today was the right thing. But, you know it's gonna make things worse between your people and mine. Hayley: [to Gia, who is staring out the window] There's a life lesson for you, baby vamp. It always gets worse before it gets better. [Hayley grabs a second drink and walks over to sit next to Gia on the window seat. She hands Gia a drink, but Gia still looks worried] Gia: We left Elijah out there. Hayley: [sighs] Look, I worry about a lot of things where Elijah's concerned. But, trust me - he can take care of himself. [Hayley smiles at Gia, who smiles weakly back] [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Klaus loads Mikael's body into the trunk of his SUV. He closes the trunk door and sighs before walking around the vehicle to go home. Inside the trunk, Mikael regains consciousness and fights the pain from the dagger. He groans in agony as he reaches into his chest and finally pulls the blade out ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Elijah awakens to find that he is in one of the crypts. He's suspended by his wrists, which are bound by chains, just as Lenore was bound in Every Mother's Son. He looks around the room, taking note of the dozens of lit candles surrounding him, before he sees Lenore/Esther sitting nearby. She smiles at him ) Elijah: [growls] What do you want? Esther: [stands and looks him in the eye] I only want us to be a family again, Elijah. [she holds his chin in her hand] But - I'm so sorry - in order for that to happen, you must be purified. ( She turns and walks away, leaving him bound in the crypt ) END	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x04 - Live and Let Die"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Klaus: This town was my home once. I want it back. You mean, you don't recognize me? It's been a long time, Finn. I'm Kaleb. Davina. Esther. I have come to heal our family. What could possibly be more important than the return of our mother? Our father. I saw him. He was enslaved with some spell cast by Davina. Aah! Release me. [Kaleb chanting] Let's finish this. Aagh! Elijah: Perhaps your next body will last a little longer than this one, brother. Ugh... Ohh... What do you want? I only want us to be a family, Elijah. [ ELIJAH'S NIGHTMARE ] ( A girl with long, wavy brown hair and wearing a long, white dress frantically runs for safety toward a red door at the end of a hall. Elijah, shirtless and covered in blood from head to toe, slowly stalks her as she whimpers in fear and desperately tries to open the door. When the girl turns around, it is revealed that she is Hayley, who looks back at Elijah in sheer terror and continues pounding on the door to no avail. Elijah finally grabs her by the arm and turns her toward him, but it's no longer Hayley, it's Tatia. He grabs her by the hair and turns her neck toward him before vamping-out and feeding on her as she cries in protest ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Elijah awakens, still chained by his wrists in a crypt, and is confused as to what has just happened. He musters up all of his strength and yanks on his chains as hard as he can, but they won't break. Lenore/Esther calmly walks in, drinking a cup of tea ) Esther: Have you forgotten where you are, son? Save your strength. My chains don't break so easily. ( She points above his head, where a large poppet hangs from the rafters, magically preventing the chains from being broken ) Esther: Having sweet dreams? ( Elijah lunges for her, but the restraints won't allow him to get any closer ) Elijah: Get out of my head. Esther: ( smirks ) I'm not in your head, dear. You were screaming. ( Elijah glares at her ) Go ahead, get your bearings. We have much to discuss. ( Esther leaves, and Elijah once again tries to break through the chains ) [ CREDITS ] ( Lenore/Esther has returned to the crypt, where she continues to talk to Elijah ) Esther: Who were you dreaming about ripping apart when you woke earlier? Was it your new little plaything, Hayley? Or, was it someone else? ( Elijah aggressively lunges for her, but still can't get any closer ) Esther: Oh, stop fighting, Elijah! I brought you here to listen, and you're not going anywhere until I've said my piece. Elijah: ( furious ) So speak. Esther: I want you to rejoin our family, but as a witch. I want you to leave behind the grotesque savage vampirism has made of you. Take the body of a mortal, and we can all be happy again. Start over. Elijah: You do know you're entirely demented, don't you? Esther: ( chuckles ) Am I? I'm not the one who pulls the wings off of every beautiful butterfly that he finds. ( Elijah continues to try to break through his chains ) Like the woman who flits across the edge of your nightmare. Elijah: ( angry ) Let me go. Now. ( Elijah's vampire face comes out, but Esther is unfazed ) Esther: Hmm. How quickly you slip back into your more savage self. ( Elijah looks distraught as his vampire face slips away ) The moral son I raised is now but a mask worn to hide ancient demons. Elijah: You know nothing. Esther: See, that's where you're wrong. I know more about the secrets you carry than you do. Shall I list them? I can begin with the first little butterfly you destroyed. ( Elijah's face goes pale ) The sweet young widow from our village who caught your eye when you were still human. ( Elijah shifts uncomfortably ) Ah, you remember her. Of course. How could you forget the first girl to ever steal your heart? She of mystical blood, the doppelgänger, Tatia. Elijah: ( numb ) I did nothing but love that woman until the day you took her life. Esther: ( smiles ) I know that's what you believe... which is precisely why you are here. ( she picks up a candle from the table and holds it in front of Elijah ) I need to show you the monster you really are. When I do, you will beg for salvation, and happily I shall provide it. ( Esther casts a spell on the candle, and Elijah is transported into a flashback ) [ FLASHBACK: 10TH CENTURY MYSTIC FALLS ] ( A celebration is underway in the Mikaelsons' village, where meat is being cooked over bonfires and villagers are dancing around together, wearing festive masks. Nearby, Elijah and Esther, in her original body, watched as Tatia, wearing a forest green dress and matching mask, danced around the fre ) Esther (V.O.): It was Samhain, when we danced and klled the best of our livestock to appease the gods for a new season. ( Tatia lifted up her mask so she could smile at Elijah before Klaus grabbed her by the arm and spun her around toward him ) Esther (V.O.): All women envied her. All men wanted her. But, she only had eyes for one. ( Klaus kissed Tatia passionately, while Elijah watched sadly from the sidelines. Klaus and Tatia began to dance, but Tatia stopped when she saw Elijah was no longer watching her. Elijah went over to a nearby pig pen, where he affectionately petted and fed one of the pigs. After a moment, Tatia joined him ) Tatia: Do not tell me you came to save Loki the pig from his fate? Elijah: ( stands ) No. I'm afraid Loki the pig's fate is to be food. ( Tatia looks at him sympathetically, and Elijah smiles sadly ) Just as you are fated to love another. Tatia: ( pauses ) And you? Fated to watch from the shadows? The noble martyr? ( Elijah just stares at her, disappointed ) Fate does not dictate my heart, Elijah. ( She paces ) I was fated to throw myself on a pyre after my husband died in battle, but I did not. I chose to live. And, I chose to give my heart once more. To someone strong, protective, fierce, and yet noble, and gentle. ( She caresses his face with her hand, and Elijah takes it in his own ) I choose you, Elijah. ( Elijah smiled and went to kiss her, but she just giggled and pulled away shyly ) Tatia: ( smiles ) And you choose to have our first kiss where your mother slaughters the pigs? ( Elijah grins ) Not very romantic... ( Elijah gently grabbed her head and pulled her in for a kiss, and they made out passionately for a few moments before he pulled away ) Elijah: Perhaps we should set Loki the pig free? It seems one's fate can change, after all. ( They continued to kiss ) [ PRESENT DAY: LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Esther blows out her candle, bringing Elijah out of his flashback. He stumbles as he tries to regain his bearings ) Esther: But, that was just the beginning. A brief moment of happiness. That is how it always begins. A butterfly lands upon your finger, unaware that it will lead to her tragic end. Elijah: Her tragic end came when you drained her body of blood. ( Esther closes her eyes and sighs in frustration ) All for a spell to smother the wolf within Niklaus, if my memory serves. Esther: Actually, Elijah, your memory doesn't serve you at all. You just don't realize it yet. ( She caresses Elijah's face ) But, by the time we are done here, you will. ( Elijah jerks away from her hand and glares at her angrily ) [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Cami and Kaleb/Kol are checking on Davina, who is still unconscious falling and hitting her head in Live and Let Die, while Klaus watches from the doorway with the white oak stake in his hand ) Cami: ( worried ) We should get her to a hospital. Kaleb/Kol: ( to Klaus ) Oh, hello darling. Back to huff and puff and blow the house down? Klaus: ( unamused ) You know, it's funny how often a person's sharp tongue can end up cutting their own throat. Cami: ( frustrated ) Klaus, he's just a kid. Give him a break. Kaleb/Kol: Yeah, she's right. You know, you may want to try a bit of lavender under your pillow. Does wonders for stuck-up pillocks with anger issues. Cami: Hey! Shut it. Klaus: I promised not to kll Davina, I said nothing of this insolent sod. ( Kaleb/Kol smirks at him, while Cami gets up and leads Klaus outside ) Cami: Klaus, come on. ( Klaus continues to stare suspiciously at Kaleb/Kol as she pulls him onto the porch ) A minute ago, you had the opportunity to kll your father with this thing, and you didn't. You're not going to kll this kid with it, either! ( Klaus looks into the cabin, where Kaleb/Kol is still tending to Davina ) Klaus: ( sighs ) Fine. Cami: ( relieved ) Thank you. Klaus: ( reluctantly hands her the stake and the keys ) Go get the car, let's take her to hospital. ( Cami smiles at him before she leaves. Klaus walks back into the cabin, looking as though he's come to a realization ) Klaus: ( to Kaleb/Kol ) You've got a way with words. Kaleb/Kol: Well, I've traveled. ( he stands up and walks over to Klaus ) Klaus: You seem to have crossed continents to order to weasel your way into Davina's good graces, thereby meddling in my family business. ( smiles ) Strange, isn't it? ( Kaleb/Kol smirks, but says nothing ) Unless it's your family business. You know, ever since my mother and Finn, I was wondering when you might make an appearance, Kol. Kol: ( laughs and bows dramatically ) Then the jig is up! ( Klaus smiles ) Hello, brother! Klaus: It's not that I begrudge you hitching a ride back to the land of the living. It's just that you're making all the wrong friends, brother. And I have half a mind to show you how wrong you are. Kol: ( whispers ) But you're not going to do that, are you? Because your little blonde friend told you to leave me alone. ( Klaus chuckles ) I'm curious, does she take one of those little baggies out when she takes you for a walk? Klaus: ( clearly annoyed, raises his voice ) Cami? I changed my mind, I am going to kll him after all. ( Kol smirks at him, but when Cami doesn't respond, Klaus gets worried and walks toward the car ) Cami? ( Klaus walks to the driveway, where he finds the driver's side door of his SUV open, its window smeared with blood. Furious, Klaus rushes around to the trunk, which is open and empty. Klaus realizes that Mikael took Cami ) ( After the break, Klaus is pacing around in the yard while he calls Elijah and leaves him a voicemail ) Klaus: Elijah, where are you? Mikael is loose with the stake, and Cami is a hostage, and I am wapon and in need of reinforcement. Urgently. ( He hangs up and returns to the cabin, where Kaleb/Kol is rocking in a rocking chair ) Wake her up, tell her to get Mikael back here, now. Kol: Well, let me... let me think about that. ( taps chin thoughtfully ) No! In fact, you should probably get going, Nik. Mikael, he's probably jonesing for a restorative snack about now. It'd be a shame to find - uh, Cami, is it? - nothing more than a bloodless husk. Klaus: ( furious ) We're not done here, you and I. ( Kol just smirks at him before Klaus vamp-speeds away to find Cami. Once he's gone, Kol gets up and puts a pillow under Davina's head and brushes a lock of hair behind her ear ) Kol: ( whispers ) It's be really useful if you woke up about now. I kicked a few familial hornets' nests, and we really need to scarper. ( Kol's phone rings. He checks it, and silences it before pocketing it again. Suddenly, his nose starts to bleed. He wipes it away as his phone rings, and seeing the caller ID, he reluctantly walks out onto the porch and answers it. Back at the coven house, Vincent/Finn is on the other end of the line, doing a spell with a small pouch in a bowl ) Kol: Did you have to do that? Finn: I despise voicemail. Do you have the white oak stake? Kol: ( looks around anxiously ) ht a bit of a snag, truthfully. Finn: ( chuckles ) Is that what you would you like for me to pass along? Kol: Tell her that I've got everything under control. I'm keeping an eye on Davina. She's working on a spell to unlink her mates from Klaus' sire line so that she can kll him without them dying, too. I'm sure the stake will come back into play when she's ready. Finn: How close is she to completing the spell? Kol: Well, she's joined Mother's linking and sire-bond spells in reverse. It's quite clever, really. Finn: ( amused ) What's she using as a binder? Kol: I'm not sure. I'm still trying to work that one out. Finn: Work harder. Mother needs Klaus alive and connected. So, may I suggest that if you can't find that stake, you either kll that girl's spell or you kll the girl. ( Kol, frustrated, makes a face ) [ THE WOODS ] ( Mikael is dragging Cami through the woods near the Bayou ) Cami: ( scared ) Klaus will find you! Mikael: Oh, he will. But, I will be ready. Cami: How? I've seen the kind of pain that blade causes. Mikael: I have fought more pain than anyone, living or dad. ( He clutches Papa Tunde's blade in one hand ) But, once I feed, I shall be restored. ( Cami, terrified, tries to run away, but he keeps her arm in his grip ) Not you. ( He holds the blade against her neck ) You, my dear, are leverage. Once I thrat to dismember you in front of him, Klaus will hesitate. And, in that moment of weakness, I shall end him. Cami: This is crazy! The two of you, going round and round trying to kll each other? You're obsessing over the death of someone whose fatal flaw is that he was fathered by another guy! Mikael: ( enraged ) Hush! You are the enabler of the weak! No wonder he seeks your company. ( He pauses, but doesn't let go of Cami ) I hear music. And, where there's music, there's food. ( He drags her farther through the woods, where they come upon a group of several dozen people, all of whom are wearing various Halloween masks and partying around a large bonfire. Mikael grabs Cami by the head and forces her to look at them ) Mikael: Well, well, well, well... What have we here? ( pauses ) Hillbilly Halloween. Oh, perfect. ( He drags a struggling Cami toward the crowd ) [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Davina is still unconscious, so Kaleb/Kol takes the opportunity to looks around at Davina's notes on the spell she's creating. He finds a root pinned to a page and takes it down to look at it ) Kol: ( mutters ) You used Kandahar root as a binder. Now, where'd you find that? ( He grips the root and closes his eyes to cast a spell on it. As he quietly whispers the spell, the root begins to turn black as if it's dying. Suddenly, Davina awakens and looks around in confusion before wincing and touching the injured part of her head. Kaleb/Kol comes out and sits down across from her to check on her ) Davina: ( weakly ) What happened? Kaleb/Kol: Davina, you're awake! I was starting to freak out, are you okay? Davina: ( rubs the back of her skull ) My head... ( She suddenly remembers what happened before she was knocked out ) ...Klaus? Kaleb/Kol: ( plays dumb ) Angry bloke with the deadly aim? Yeah, he smashed the place up, and then he left. Davina: ( horrified ) Where'd he go? Kaleb/Kol: To hunt down your pet-serial-kller-friend. Listen, not to be Mr. Judgmental here, but I'm starting to question the company that you keep. Davina: ( paces anxiously ) The white oak stake? Kaleb/Kol: ( frowns ) It's gone, I'm afraid. The serial-kller one took it. Davina: ( overwhelmed, grabs her bracelet ) Mikael? Mikael? Mikael? ( frantic ) Why isn't this working? Kaleb/Kol: ( leads her back to her chair ) Sit down, alright? You were out for quite a long time. Maybe that's got something to do with it. ( He pours her a glass of water from a pitcher ) Here, have some water. Davina: No, you don't understand! If Mikael's free, he can kll Klaus, and then my friends die, too! Kaleb/Kol: Well, if I understand all this, Mikael's been trying to kll Klaus for eons. How are you going to stop him? Davina: ( thinks for a moment and shakes her head ) I'm not. I need to finish my spell, now. [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Hayley arrives to see Marcel, who is pouring himself a drink at his bar ) Hayley: So, those werewolf kids you helped get out of the Quarter made it to the safe house up north. ( She smiles at him ) Marcel: Great! My good deed for the decade. ( He hands her a drink, but she politely declines it ) Hayley: ( holds up a hand ) No, I'm good. Maybe the vampires and us free wolves can work together after all. Marcel: ( smiles ) The enemy of my enemy is my friend! ( he sips his drink ) Hayley: Anyway, thanks... for helping. Marcel: ( shakes his head ) Don't thank me. Thank Elijah. Hayley: ( frowns ) I would have, but I can't get a hold of him. I went to the compound, thinking he'd be there... Marcel: ( surprised ) Really? I thought you always have tabs on him? Hayley: ( quiet ) I mean, we haven't really been on the best terms lately. He wouldn't just disappear, though. Marcel: ( brainstorms ) Uh, last I knew, he was gonna keep the wolves distracted. Your boy Oliver was gonna help. Hayley: ( worried ) I couldn't track down Oliver, either. ( Marcel frowns in concern ) If they're both missing... ( Hayley realizes that Elijah must be in trouble, and turns to leave ) Marcel: Where you goin'? Hayley: To find them. Marcel: Not on your own, you're not. ( Marcel sets down his drink and rushes after Hayley as she walks out of the apartment ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Elijah is dozing off upright when Lenore/Esther returns to the crypt where he's being held ) Esther: You're hungry, aren't you? It's been hours since you fed. What an awful thing, to feed upon the blood of others. For this, I blame myself. And your father. We tried to make you children strong. But, instead, we cursed you all. [ FLASHBACK: 10TH CENTURY MYSTIC FALLS ] ( Elijah flashes back to right after the Mikaelsons were turned into vampires, and after Klaus triggered his werewolf gene. Klaus sat in the forest, shirtless and covered in blood, surrounded by the dismembered corpses of several men. Elijah found him and looked at him with sympathy as Klaus struggled to hold back tears ) Elijah: Brother? ( He hands Klaus fresh clothes ) Klaus: What am I...? How many...? Elijah: ... Six. ( Klaus covers his face with his hands in horror ) You slaughtered six villagers, brother. You tore them apart as though they were nothing at all. ( Elijah helps Klaus to his feet ) Klaus: ( whispers ) Brother, what have I become? Elijah: You seem like the wolves in the village, cursed to turn when the moon is full. ( Elijah pulls Klaus into a hug ) Listen to me. Father is beside himself with rage. It seems this... affliction... can only be passed by a certain kind of conception... Klaus: ( sniffling ) ...And do our siblings share this affliction? Do you share this affliction? Elijah: ( hesitates before shaking his head ) No. I don't. Klaus: He is not my father, is he? Elijah: ( heartbroken ) You listen to me. This changes nothing. For any of us. We are here for you, as we shall be always. ( Klaus looks as though he's about to cry. Suddenly, they hear the sound of someone approaching. It's Tatia, who sees Klaus covered in blood and surrounded by bodies and quickly becomes terrified. Elijah, flustered, chases after her ) Elijah: Tatia! Tatia? Tatia! [ PRESENT DAY: LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Elijah glares at Lenore/Esther as he returns from his flashback ) Elijah: I fail to see your point, here. I compelled Tatia to forget what she saw, and she did. Esther: You'd only been a vampire for a few days. You hadn't yet learned compulsion. Elijah: ( shakes head in disbelief ) No. I remember that. Clearly. Esther: Do you? You thought there were still lines you wouldn't cross. ( Elijah stares at her, distraught ) People you wouldn't hurt. Things you wouldn't do. But, you're wrong. That is what I'm here to show you. [ FLASHBACK: 10TH CENTURY MYSTIC FALLS ] ( Elijah continued to chase after Tatia, who was frightened and fleeing from him. She eventually trips and falls on the ground, allowing Elijah to finally catch up to her ) Elijah: Tatia! Tatia! Tatia! Wait! Wait. Tatia: ( stands and backs away from him ) Stay away from me. Elijah: ( holds his hands up non-thrat ) I won't hurt you! Tatia: ( incredulous ) What have you become? Elijah: I'm what I've always been! I'm the one who loves you. ( Tatia shakes her head, clearly scared ) [ PRESENT DAY: LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] Esther: You knew how special she was! I always thought you would protect her. That she would be your wife, that one day I might call her daughter! Instead... Elijah: ( interrupts ) I didn't hurt her! Esther: You've taught yourself to hide from who and what you are for a thousand years! Elijah: ( yanks on his chains ) I did not hurt Tatia! I could not. Esther: But you did! [ FLASHBACK: 10TH CENTURY MYSTIC FALLS ] Tatia: ( stunned ) Your mother asked for my blood. She said nothing of the dark magic that would turn you into a monster! Elijah: ( hurt ) Look at me, I'm not a monst... ( He stopped, unable to finish the words, because he saw and smelled the blood that is pouring from a wound on Tatia's palm, which she sustained when she fell earlier. He tried as hard as he could to resist it, but his vampire face came out involuntarily. He breathed deeply, and it faded ) Elijah: Tatia... [ PRESENT DAY ] ( Lenore/Esther takes Elijah's face in her hands and forces him to look at her ) Esther: Oh, my beautiful boy. No more hiding. It is time, now, for you to remember it all. [ FLASHBACK ] ( Tatia, scared, slapped Elijah across the face in hopes of protecting herself ) Elijah: ( bent over ) I said I will not hurt you. I don't want to... ( His vampire face came out again, and his eyes turned red as his fangs came down. Tatia backed away, terrified ) Tatia: Elijah...? Elijah: ( distraught ) Run. ( Tatia backed away and turned to run, but Elijah chased after her, unable to resist her blood ) [ PRESENT DAY ] Esther: You didn't want to hurt her. You loved her. [ FLASHBACK ] ( Elijah grabbed hold of Tatia and pulled her head back to expose her neck as Tatia yelped and struggled against him ) [ PRESENT DAY ] Esther: But, you couldn't fight what you had become. What I had turned you into! [ FLASHBACK ] ( Elijah bit Tatia's neck and fed on her as she screamed in pain ) [ PRESENT DAY ] Esther: A predator. And she became your prey! ( Elijah yanks himself out of Esther's grasp and glares at her ) Elijah: This was you. You mrder her for her blood. And then, you used it to cripple Klaus for centuries. ( Esther just stares at him, blank-faced, as Elijah steps backward and continues to pull on his chains ) I won't listen to another word. Esther: You don't have to listen, son. All you have to do is remember. [ THE WOODS ] ( Klaus has just made it to where Cami and Mikael had stopped earlier. He sees a smear of blood on a nearby tree and follows it, which leads him to the "Hillbilly Halloween" bonfire. When he gets there, he finds all of the party-goers standing completely still and silent in their masks, presumably compelled by Mikael ) Party-goer 1: Did you honestly think to hold me with a blade forged from pain? Party-goer 2: Unlike the weak, unlike you, I gain strength from pain! Party-goer 1: Soon, you will know the taste of white-oak as it pierces your heart. Klaus: ( amused ) It's very clever, Mikael! Compelling the locals to say to my face what you dare not? Enjoy the theatrics! They only delay the inevitable. ( Party-goer 2 attcks Klaus, but he easily disarms and kills him. The other compelled guests quickly follow, and Klaus quickly kills them, as well ) [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Davina is poring over the notes she has pinned to the wall, while Kaleb/Kol looks through other notes nearby ) Kaleb/Kol: Um, perhaps we should hold off on this... Davina: ( turns toward him ) No, I have everything I need! Combine a knotting spell with a sire-bond spell. ( She looks through her things ) I just have to combine them the right way. Kaleb/Kol: And do them in reverse. That's pretty advanced for a wee girl like you. Davina: ( takes the page from him ) You know, I can give you a list of people who have underestimated me. ( Kaleb/Kol smirks ) Not one of them has done it a second time. Kaleb/Kol: Well, perhaps I should help you. I'm pretty good at stuff like this. Davina: ( chuckles ) I don't think so. It's not just saying the spells backwards, it's changing the verb tense into... Kaleb/Kol: ( interrupts ) Nemo anus animabus caenum sanguino duesto duo. ( Davina looks impressed ) Like I said, I'm good at what I do. It's never paid to underestimate me, either. Davina: Okay. Let's do this. ( Davina leads Kaleb/Kol into the next room. He watches her, and smiles ) [ ABANDONED BUILDING ] ( Mikael has dragged struggling Cami into a run-down building ) Cami: ( furious ) I used to try to convince Klaus that there was good in everyone, that you really did care about him, deep inside, once. ( Mikael throws her onto the floor ) He told me I was naive, that I could never fathom how deep your hatred ran. Mikael: I didn't always hate him. When Klaus was born, I was overjoyed. I thought, "This one... this one has the eyes of a warrior. He will be worthy." But, my hope was short-lived. And, when I found out that he wasn't really my son, my relief was GLORIOUS. But, that passed with the knowledge that he was begat of a beast. Cami: His mother's infidelity was not his fault! Mikael: Everything that followed was because of Niklaus' obsession with the wolves! He ventured out to watch them turn under the full moon, and he took my youngest son, Henrik. He was but a child, and he was torn apart. Cami: It was an accident! Mikael: ( enraged ) An accident? AN ACCIDENT? HE mrder MY WIFE! HIS OWN MOTHER! Who sought to cleanse him of his beast-like nature! He betrayed me. He turned my entire family against me! And yet, you defend him? Cami: ( stands to her feet, overwhelmed with anger ) I have desperately tried to convince him not to kll you! That the bloodshed in your family does not have to be an endless cycle! ( Mikael pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration, but she continues to yell louder ) And, after centuries on this earth, do you really not see that all of your volence is POINTLESS? ( It looks like Mikael is crying, but, in fact, he's actually laughing ) Mikael: ( giggling maniacally ) Let me hazard a guess: you are one of these alienists, right? Cami: ( angrily wipes away her tears ) We're called therapists these days, and, to be honest, you could do with some couch time. Mikael: Actually, my dear, since ( he winces ) my wound does not appear to be healing, what I could do with right now is some food. Cami: ( scared, backs away from him ) You... you said you wouldn't! Mikael: Yes, I did, didn't I? And although the blood of a full belly makes for good fodder ( he vamps-out ) in times of need, even the devil eats flies. ( He hisses and bites down on her neck as Cami screams in terror and pain ) [ THE WOODS ] ( It's daylight, now, and Klaus is feeding on the bodies of the recently dad partiers. There is one partier left alive, who stumbles as he tries to attck Klaus, but Klaus simply takes his wapon and hits him upside the head with it. Suddenly, his phone rings, and Klaus reluctantly answers it. It's Hayley and Marcel, who are in the parking garage where Elijah and Oliver were attcked by Finn and his werewolves ) Klaus: ( panting ) Uh, I'm a tad busy. What is it, Hayley? Hayley: ( whispering ) Something has happened to Elijah. He was supposed to be our decoy last night, and now he's vanished. There's blood everywhere - werewolf and vampire. There's a trail. I need you to help us track it. Klaus: Well, as much as I might like to help you find my brother, I have more pressing matters as the moment. ( The partier tries to crawl toward Klaus, so Klaus kicks him in the face, knocking him backward ) Hayley: ( frustrated ) What's more important than your own brother? Klaus: My life? Davina had Mikael on a magical leash, and it broke. Now Mikael has Tunde's blade, the white oak stake, and Cami. ( At the parking garage, Marcel stands up, angry at this news ) I'm gonna get her back. ( The partier tries once again to attck Klaus, so Klaus grabs him in a choke-hold ) And then, I'm gonna end this. Either Mikael or I will be ash by day's end. ( Marcel, worried, walks toward Hayley, who is concerned as well ) And, if you do find my brother, please, tell him I could do with a hand? ( Klaus finally snaps the partier's neck and hangs up ) [ DAVINA'S CABIN ] ( Davina and Kaleb/Kol are surrounded by lit candles as they sit cross-legged across from each other on the floor. They quietly chant Davina's spell ) Davina & Kaleb/Kol: Sanquiarum frantest banciarum me... Davina: ( interrupts ) Stop! Stop. This isn't working. ( Davina starts messing with the ingredients of the spell ) Kaleb/Kol: Well, maybe you're just... doing it wrong. Davina: No, we have to do this right! Josh and Marcel, their lives depend on it. ( Kaleb/Kol looks at her, concerned ) Look, just stop chanting. ( she grabs his wrists in her hands ) I'll chant and channel your power. ( When Davina touches Kaleb/Kol's arms, she gets a vision of when he cast a spell to kll the Kandahar root earlier. She looks at him suspiciously before closing her eyes again, this time flashing back to Live and Let Die, when Mikael forced him to de-spell Davina's bracelet. Then, she sees a flashback of Klaus identifying him as Kol, his brother. When she returns to the present, she quickly lets go of him and stares at him in horror. Kol looks guilty ) Davina: You're one of them! ( Furious, Davina uses telekinesis to throw Kol against the wall ) Davina: ( shrieks ) You liar! ( She throws him against another wall, so Kol fights back, pulling her toward him with magic before throwing her against another wall ) Kol: That hurt. ( Davina casts a pain-infliction spell on Kol, who grabs his temples in agony ) Kol: Okay, okay, okay, okay! Davina: You ruined the spell, and now my friends are gonna die because of you! Kol: My mother said, "kll the spell, or kll her." And I happen to like you. Davina: ( furious and skeptical ) Oh, please... Kol: Listen, you don't disobey Mother Dearest without some consequences. Yes, she brought me back to life, but she's mad as a hatter. And, that man you've made your pet, my father? Well, he's more of a lunatic than she is. Davina: What, so you just unleash him? Kol: You're the one who brought him back to life first, love! Davina: I had him under control! Kol: Yeah, right up until the point you didn't, which is when he thrat me! He wanted freedom, so I freed him. You wanna know my secrets? ( he holds out his arms ) Then here you go. Go on! Have at it! Yes, I'm a Mikaelson, but I've got just as much reason to loathe the lot of them as you do. ( Davina looks at his wrists and rolls her eyes before trying to brainstorm a new plan ) Davina: ( grabs her bracelet ) You deactivated my bracelet. How? Kol: It's a dark object. I know a little something about creating and destroying them. Davina: Show me. Kol: ( relaxes ) Alright. ( Davina turns and heads into the next room ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Elijah is still chained up in a crypt, while Lenore/Esther continues to talk with him ) Elijah: You're distorting my memories! It was you who klled Tatia! Esther: Oh, I used her blood to bind the spell that suppressed Niklaus' werewolf aspect. But, by the time you brought her to me, she was already dad. Elijah: ( looks at her, horrified ) You can't rewrite history! Esther: No, I cannot. And I did not. Not until I had your consent. [ FLASHBACK: 10TH CENTURY MYSTIC FALLS ] ( Esther was out by the pig pen, cleaning a Knfe with a cloth when Elijah approached her, carrying Tatia's dad body in his arms. Esther backed away from him, terrified ) Esther (V.O.): When you became youself again, you brought her to me. ( In flashback, Esther takes Tatia's body from him ) But, too late. I told you you were a good son, to let me take care of it. That I could help make it all go away. ( Esther dragged Tatia's body away. Elijah, absolutely devastated, fell to his knees in horror. Esther closed the wooden door to their cottage behind her, the wood stained with red blood ) [ PRESENT DAY ] Esther: And then, I said to you, "You will not suffer from this memory, or be tormented from the guilt of your misdeed. What goes behind that door shall stay there and be forgotten." [ FLASHBACK ] ( Esther returned to see Elijah, who is still kneeling outside the cottage. She whispered in his ear ) Esther (V.O.): I told you to clean yourself up, that if you were clean, no one would know what you are or what you'd done. ( She hands him a washcloth, which he uses to wipe the blood from his face ) [ PRESENT DAY ] ( Elijah shakes his head in disbelief ) Esther: And you did exactly that... and more. You created a place in your mind to put your victims. You began to believe that as long as your suit was immaculate and your hands clean, you could look in the mirror and tell yourself it's all okay. No one need know what's behind that red door. ( Elijah flashes back to his nightmare from earlier, when Hayley/Tatia was pounding on the red door, while he stalked them, shirtless and covered in blood, before finally feeding on them ) Esther: But, a thousand years is a long time, Elijah. And a place meant to hold one unforgivable sin is now full to bursting with your most monstrous deeds. Elijah: ( overwhelmed ) STOP! Esther: How long before it's your beloved Hayley's corpse behind that door? Elijah: ( whispers ) Stop. Esther: You must be afraid that... that loving you will destroy her! As it destroyed Celeste. Tatia. Take my offer. Both of you. In new bodies, you will be alive again! You could give her a child, to replace the one she lost. Elijah: ( determined ) You will not break me. Esther: Oh, you are already broken, my dear boy, but not beyond repair. I am here to fix you. I am here to fix you all. [ THE WOODS ] ( Davina and Kaleb/Kol are walking through the woods in search of Mikael ) Kol: Bleeding power from a dark object is tricky, so it does help to know what kind of object it is. Davina: The white oak stake. Kol: ( laughs patronizingly ) You want to drain the white oak stake, do you? Davina: ( shrugs ) It's a dark object. If I can't stop Mikael, I have to stop that stake from working. Kol: See, usually I like a girl with ambition, but this is just beyond mad. Davina: ( grabs him by the arm ) Just show me the spell, Kaleb! ( she pauses ) Kol, or whatever your name is. Kol: The problem's not the spell, love. It's the white oak stake. It's too powerful, you can't just drain it. Best you can hope for is to disable it, but just for a bit. ( He walks toward his car ) Davina: So, do you have a better solution? Because I don't have time to argue! So, show me the spell, and hand me the keys. Kol: ( amused ) And what are you going to do? Just drive around until you bump into them? Davina: You may have messed with my bracelet, but I made sure months ago that I would always be able to find Mikael. Kol: Alright, fine. Your funeral. I'm still not going to allow you to drive me bloody car, though. ( Davina frowns and stares at him, confused ) [ ABANDONED BUILDING ] ( Klaus is still wandering around the outskirts of the Bayou, looking for Cami and Mikael. He sees a rock soaked with blood outside the abandoned building, and frowns anxiously as he touches it, realizing it's Cami's blood. He sees a shovel nearby and breaks it in half before entering the building, where Mikael is holding Cami at Knfe-point. Cami is weakened by blood loss and can barely stand ) Klaus: ( points his handmade stake at Mikael ) You're gonna pay for hurting her. ( Mikael carelessly lets go of Cami and drops her to the floor. Klaus watches, concerned ) Mikael: Aw, how sweet. The cur whines for its bitch. ( He holds Papa Tunde's blade in one hand, and the white oak stake in the other ) I'll be sure to drain the rest of her right in front of your eyes, just before you burn. ( Furious, Klaus leaps a dozen feet into the air and lunges at him with his makeshift stake. He tackles Mikael, but they both quickly rise to their feet in defensive positions ) ( Meanwhile, Davina and Kaleb/Kol have just arrived to the building in Kol's car ) ( Inside, Mikael has pinned Klaus against the wall, and is struggling to stake Klaus in the chest. Cami starts to come to and sees the two fighting each other. Outside, Davina and Kol have finally parked, and Kol follows her as she rushes toward the building ) ( Just as Klaus is about to be staked by Mikael, he fights back by kneeing Mikael in the gut and the face before the two begin to fight again. Klaus then tackles him, and the two bust through a concrete and brick wall into the next room. Davina is about to walk into the main room when Kol stops her ) Kol: Wait! We need to do this together. Davina: I'm strong enough on my own. Kol: No, you're not. Listen, I know you don't trust me, and that's fair enough. But, these are your mates we're trying to save, here. The only way that we can do this is if we work together. ( He grabs one of Davina's hands in his own, and holds out the other for her to take ) You need to trust me. Alright? Take my hands. Take my power. Channel me. ( In the next room, Cami struggles to pull herself to her feet while Mikael and Klaus continue to fight. She stands up weakly, just as Klaus kicks Mikael to the floor. He then straddles Mikael , and though he tries to stake Klaus while he's down, Klaus easily turns the stake on him, and musters up all his energy to break his grip to kll him ) Klaus: Not as weak as you remember, am I? ( Klaus breaks the stake out of his grip and goes to stake him, but Mikael throws Tunde's blade at Cami, forcing Klaus to vamp-speed toward her and catch it before it sab her in the face. This gives Mikael the opportunity he needs to steal the stake back ) ( In the other room, Davina has grabbed Kol's hands and begins channeling his power for the spell. Suddenly, to Cami's horror, Mikael sab Klaus in the chest with the white oak stake. Outside, Davina and Kol chant the spell, as the wind whips around them ) ( Mikael smirks as Klaus shrieks in pain and falls to the floor, and Cami shrieks in horror when she sees Klaus' face begin to desiccate ) Cami: NO! ( Mikael backhands her, which throws her backwards before she falls to the floor. Davina and Kol continue the spell. Mikael stares at Klaus' body, but becomes concerned when nothing happens. Cami cries in shock ) Mikael: ( growls ) Why aren't you burning? If you were dad, it would burn. BURN! ( Mikael senses Davina and Kaleb/Kol outside the room, and rushes to find them. Davina's struggling to continue the spell ) Davina: ( frantic ) I can't hold it! Kol: Just trust me! Mikael: ( appears ) Is this your doing, little witch? Then, you will undo it! Return the power to the stake! ( Inside, Cami has crawled over to Klaus' body and stares at the stake in his chest. She grabs it and tries her hardest to pull the stake out, though it barely budges ) ( Outside, Davina and Kaleb/Kol continue the spell. When Mikael comes near them, Davina lets go of one of Kol's hands and thrusts it toward Mikael, keeping him back with a pain infliction spell while continuing the spell to drain the power of the white oak stake. Meanwhile, Cami continues to try to remove the stake from Klaus' chest ) ( Kol, wanting to defend Davina, lets go of her and lunges for Mikael, but he easily throws Kol across the room and against a chainlink fence. Unable to stop him magically without Kol's help, Mikael grabs onto Davina and starts to feed on her while she screams ) ( Finally, Cami removes the stake from Klaus' chest, and color starts to return to his skin. Mikael, having just fed on Davina, rushes back into the room and finds Cami bent over Klaus' body ) Mikael: What do you think you're doing? Cami: ( sits up and holds the stake in front of her ) Stay the hell away from us! Or, I swear to God, I'll kll you myself. Mikael: ( mildly impressed ) You have a warrior's heart. Perhaps I'll keep it as a souvenir. ( Mikael is about to grab Cami when Marcel appears out of nowhere and pulls him away from her. He then starts hitting Mikael over and over so quickly that he's too disoriented to fight back right away. Mikael eventually knocks Marcel flat on his back and grabs Klaus' makeshift stake to point it at Marcel's heart ) Mikael: Now, ENOUGH! This night has been a long parade of fools. I'll enjoy klling every last one of you. ( Klaus awakens with a gasp, and Cami bravely stands on her feet. Suddenly, Hayley arrives and throws a chain around Mikael's neck and yanks on it so hard it knocks him off of his feet ) Hayley: Yeah, I wouldn't bet on it. ( She hits him in the face with the chain, and Klaus, determined, jumps to his feet. Hayley and Marcel rush over to him, and they're eventually joined by Davina. They all stand in tableau and smirk at him ) Klaus: It's over, Mikael. You're outnumbered. Are you going to beg for your miserable life? Mikael: ( laughs ) You think having people makes you strong? It proves how weak you are. Come find me when you don't have fools, women and children fighting your battles. ( He throws the scrap of wood at them and vamp-speeds away to heal. Klaus, looking relieved, just sighs ) [ OUTSIDE THE ABANDONED BUILDING ] ( Kaleb/Kol sits on the hood of his car while Davina checks his wounds ) Davina: ( checks a wound on his temple ) Are you okay? Kol: Uh, a bit light-headed. Might have something to do with being knocked ass over teacup by dear old Dad. Marcel: ( approaches them and addesses Davina ) You are lucky to be alive, young lady. You wanna tell me what the hell you were thinking? Davina: Can we not do this right now? Marcel: ( annoyed ) Am I gonna embarrass you in front of your friend? ( looks at Kaleb/Kol suspiciously ) Who the hell is this guy, anyway? Kaleb/Kol: Oh, we've gotta stop meeting like this, pal. ( Marcel gives him a look, confused and still suspicious ) Davina: He's my friend, and he's helping me. Marcel: Helping you do what? Wage wr on Klaus, and help me get klled in the process? Davina: ( angry ) I just saved Klaus' life trying to protect you! Marcel: Yeah, from a psycho-vampire-hunter that you brought back to life... Kaleb/Kol: ( interrupts ) Alright, enough! ( Marcel glares at him, so he backpedals ) Well, I... I think it's enough. ( Marcel continues to glare at him ) It should be enough. I mean, we're all friends here, aren't we? ( Marcel gives Davina a look that says, "Seriously?" but Davina just glares at him ) Marcel: ( to Davina ) Just stay here 'til I get back. ( Davina scowls and looks away ) I'll handle Klaus. ( Marcel walks back toward the building, leaving Davina and Kaleb/Kol by themselves ) Kol: We should get out of here. Trust me, my brother's not the forgiving kind. Even if you did help out back there, his hatred and betrayal outweighs his sense of gratitude. Davina: I'm not afraid of him. ( She pulls the white oak stake out of the inside of her jacket and shows it to him ) Kol: ( incredulous ) You out to get yourself klled? Davina: I'm out to get even with Klaus. And, you're going to help me. ( she hands him his keys ) But first, you're right: let's get out of here. ( Davina climbs into his car, and Kol hesitantly follows her ) ( Inside, Klaus is tending to Cami's wounds. She looks pale and weak as she notices the sab wound in Klaus' chest that hasn't yet healed. Klaus winces, and takes her hand ) Klaus: ( grateful ) You pulled the stake out in the nick of time. A moment longer, and I would have been done for. Cami: It's the least I could do for telling you not to kll that bastard the first chance you had. Klaus: ( quietly ) Well, he hurt you. For that alone, I will kll him. ( he gently touches the bite marks on Cami's neck ) You know, in a thousand years, I think it's the first time I've seen him run. Cami: He was still weak. Hayley: ( approaches them with Marcel ) And, he knew he was outmatched. Marcel: We checked the perimeter, and he's definitely gone. Klaus: ( sighs ) I appreciate your assistance. Marcel: ( smiles ) Well, hey! You die, I die. Just call me selfish. Hayley: Yeah, you die, a lot of people die. But, Klaus... we have another problem. [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Elijah is still weakly hanging by his wrists in the crypt, kneeling on the floor, getting ever weaker as Lenore/Esther continues to taunt him ) Elijah: No more. Esther: I'm afraid we've just g*n. You will hang here, remembering. Every atrocity you've hid behind that door will emerge to haunt you. And, as you grow weaker, you will be ripped of your strength, your will, your hope. And, as you rot here, alone, you will reconsider my offer. A new life. A way to be freed of your demons. A chance at peace. ( Suddenly, Hayley vamp-speeds into the crypt, biting her neck and viciously feeding on her before she falls to the floor. Hayley looks up at Elijah, blood smeared across her face ) Hayley: ( flips her hair back ) Huh! That's about enough of that, don't you think? I would have ripped her heart out, but she would have just body jumped. ( She walks toward Elijah, who slumps over weakly in relief as she attempts to break his chains. However, Esther's spell prevents the chains from being broken ) Hayley: How do I get these off? Elijah: ( looks up above him ) The doll, up there. Break it. She's using it to bind me. ( Hayley reaches up and rips down the doll before tearing it in half. She then breaks the chains binding Elijah's wrists and kneels before him to check on him ) Hayley: You need to feed. Elijah: ( turns away from her ) I can't... Hayley: You're weak. ( she bites her wrist and offers it to him ) Elijah: ( anxious ) I can't! I crave you. My hunger, it could overwhelm me. ( He gasps, trying to control himself, and looks at Hayley's bloody wrist with longing ) Hayley: ( caresses his face ) Look at me. I'm not afraid. ( They stare at each other for a moment before Hayley leans forward and begins to kiss him. They start making out, both still kneeling on the floor. After a moment, Elijah begins to have trouble resisting her blood. Hayley notices his discomfort and leans back, moving her hair to the side so she can expose her neck to him. His vampire face comes out involuntarily when he sees her pulsing carotid artery, and immediately bites on her to feed. ( The camera cuts to Vincent/Finn, who is kneeling in front of a sleeping Elijah, waving a hand in front of his face and revealing that the past scene was just a dream Elijah was having. His eyes are still open, as though he is catatonic ) Finn: What'd you do to him? Esther: I let him dream. Finn: ( continues to stare at Elijah ) That's... considerate of you. ( He pats Elijah on the shoulder and stands up to join his mother at the table, looking conflicted ) Esther: I cannot lead him out of darkness by simply exposing him to the horrors of his past. I have to let him bask in his version of a better world to come. ( Elijah's lip begins to twitch as we return to his dream. He has just stopped feeding on Hayley, and looks at her for a moment. Hayley pants in pleasure, but Elijah is still hungry, and his eye veins darken as he begins to feed on her again. Hayley holds onto him tightly, letting him continue ) Esther: And by the time he wakes, he will know the only way to find peace is my way. ( Esther watches Elijah dream, while Finn looks over at her, concerned ) END	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x05 - Red Door"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on The Originals... Klaus: I assume I have the misfortune of speaking to my mother. Esther: I have come to heal our family. I will undo everything that has been done, thereby giving you a new life. Elijah: I don't believe I've had the pleasure. Vincent/Finn: You mean you don't recognize me? Klaus: It's been a long time, Finn. Cami: I have to get back to campus. I'm meeting my new advisor. Mr. Griffith? Call me Vincent. Elijah: Aiden, you and Oliver escort the children. We'll handle the rest. Elijah: Uh! Ugh! No more. Esther: Oh, I'm afraid we've just gn. Klaus: What is it, Hayley? Hayley: Something has happened to Elijah. ...he's vanished. Lenore: Stop fighting, Elijah. Esther: I want you to rejoin our family... Take the body of a mortal, and we can all be happy again. Elijah: Get out of my head. Esther: The only way to find peace is my way. [ FLASHBACK: KINGDOM OF NORWAY, 972 A.D. ] ( A young Esther is bundled up and walking through the cold and snow toward a cottage. Inside the cottage is a darker-haired witch named Dahlia, who is in the midst of performing a spell as she clutches a necklace in her hand. She is surrounded by human skulls, reindeer antlers, and dozens of lit candles ) Dahlia: In unim edito, domino sae domina, cutlas sino liberos, sino liberos. ( Esther finally arrives at the cottage and pushes the door open, closing it behind her. Dahlia is startled and doesn't look happy ) Esther: ( removes her mittens ) Sister, I've come to beg for your help. Dahlia: ( skeptical ) What for? Esther: You know I've always wanted children of my own... Dahlia: ( angrily interrupts ) Then go. Have your Viking children. Esther: It's been almost a full year, and I am still not with child. I fear I am cursed. ( She looks at Dahlia, who sighs in annoyance ) Dahlia, please. With your magic, you could help me! Dahlia: ( stands ) You come to me needing favors? If you hadn't abandoned your talents with witchcraft, you could help yourself. Esther: I was never as strong as you, I know that! ( Dahlia turns away from her ) Just as I know you will not turn me away. You are my sister, and whatever our quarrels, we are bound by blood. ( Dahlia seems to be considering this, and after a moment, she turns back toward her sister ) Esther: ( begs ) Please, help me. Dahlia: ( unhappy ) What you ask of me, it requires heavy sacrifice. Esther: ( steps toward her, relieved and near-tears ) I will do whatever you ask! ( Dahlia notices her tears and sighs before pulling Esther into an embrace ) Dahlia: Ah, here. I could never refuse you. ( She pulls away and takes Esther's face in her hands ) My precious little Esther. [ PRESENT DAY: LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Oliver has been chained and bound to stalks and looks as though he's been severely beaten. He stands outside before Vincent/Finn and Lenore/Esther, surrounded by fellow werewolves ) Oliver: Why don't you just kll me and get it over with? Finn: ( unamused ) Speak to her again, I'll feed you your tongue. ( He turns to the wolves ) Spread the word from here to the Bayou - Midnight tonight, he is to be put to death for his part in aiding the escape of deserters. For now, chain him up in the lycée. ( Two of the werewolves grab Oliver and shove him toward the lycée. Finn raises his voice to address the rest of the werewolves ) Finn: Tell the other wolves to come and have a look and see what happens to traitors! ( The rest of the wolves file out of the cemetery, leaving Esther and Finn alone. Esther smiles at Finn ) Esther: Well done. Now, I believe you have a meeting? ( Finn smiles and nods ) Good. I'll tend to your brother. ( Esther leaves Finn and returns to the crypt where she and Finn have been holding Elijah. He's still asleep, kneeling on the floor with his wrists still bound to chains suspended from the ceiling. Esther begins to speak quietly to Elijah ) Esther: Still sleeping, lost in visions of horror and dreams of love. ( She takes Elijah's face in her hands ) Still so strong, so... full of life. Too willful to take my offer. ( She drops his head in frustration and walks over to a nearby table to pick up an athame before turning back toward him ) I remember you as a little boy. Innocent, kind... If that boy had known the creature he would one day grow up to be, he'd have leapt in my arms and begged me to save him. ( She affectionately runs her fingers through Elijah's hair ) I'd do anything for that little boy, as I would you. ( Esther suddenly yanks Elijah's head back by the hair and slits his throat with the athame. Elijah awakens and begins to gasp and choke while Esther mutters an unintelligble spell into his ear. She then drops his head once again, and Elijah slumps forward, once again unconscious and still ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Hayley is looking out over the French Quarter from the balcony of the nursery when she's suddenly startled by the sounds of tortured screaming. She frowns and returns inside, following the noise to Klaus' bedroom, where Klaus has blood splattered all over his hands and face and is washing up in his sink ) Hayley: Oh. So, I see your interrogation went well? Klaus: ( looks at himself in the mirror ) Eh, it turns out these witches are delicate creatures. No matter! I suspected my mother had Elijah cptive. Hayley: Great. Let's go find them! Klaus: ( shakes his head and walks toward her ) Esther is too powerful. She won't be easily found. I need to draw her out. ( He's about to shut the sliding doors that separate his room from the nursery when Hayley stops him ) Hayley: Wait, where are you going? Klaus: I'm going to change my shirt, and then I'm going to find my brother. ( He smiles fakely and is about to shut the doors again when Hayley once again stops him ) Hayley: ( annoyed ) Klaus, let me come with you! Klaus: ( sighs and steps toward her ) I know you want to help, Hayley, but you can't. My mother is wretched. She will target you in order to thwart me, and I can't very well save Elijah if I'm busy saving you, can I? ( Hayley rolls her eyes, but remains silent, so Klaus finally shuts the doors and prepares his plans, leaving her to consider her options ) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Gia has just returned to Marcel's apartment, where Marcel is waiting for her ) Gia: I did like you said, I kept a low profile, went all over the city. There's no sign of Elijah anywhere. Marcel: Yeah, the humans I know said the same thing. Maybe Klaus is having better luck? Hayley: ( enters the apartment ) No, he's not, which sucks, considering how low the bar is around here. ( Marcel looks at her, confused ) Listen, you two up for a rescue mission? Gia: Are we going after Elijah? Hayley: Nope. That's all Klaus. I'm talking about Oliver. Now, he and Elijah were fighting the werewolves together. I've heard that Oliver's been captured and is about to be excuted. Now, look, if we can save Oliver, then we might be able to find out where Elijah is. Marcel: 'Kay, so what do you want from us? Hayley: Just a little distraction. Esther's son, Finn, he's the one that's controlling the werewolves. If you can keep him out of the way, I can go get Ollie myself. ( Hayley turns to leave, but Marcel vamp-speeds around her and blocks her way ) Marcel: You can't take on all those wolves by yourself. You'll get klled, and then I'll get klled for letting it happen. Hayley: ( sighs ) I'm not going in alone. The werewolves may be answering to the witches, but they still have an alpha. I just have to find him. [ ROUSSEAU'S ] ( Cami is working on schoolwork at the bar when Vincent/Finn enters the bar and joins her ) Vincent/Finn: Fancy meeting you here? Cami: ( laughs ) Not that fancy, seeing as I work here. I thought I mentioned that? Vincent/Finn: ( sits next to her ) Cami, half my patients work in bars. I can't avoid them all. ( Cami smiles uncomfortably and returns to her work ) Vincent/Finn: You okay? ( Cami looks as though she's about to speak, but remains silent ) Let me guess... more drama with Klaus, is that right? Cami: ( confused and suspicious ) ...Yeah, actually. He has family in town. They don't really get along, and he's kind of flipping out. I got sucked into the crazy. [She laughs awkwardly] Vincent/Finn: Seems unfair that he would rely so heavily on you for support. Does he have anyone else? Cami: ( shrugs ) His sister left town, his brother's been... occupied, the rest of his family I wouldn't say has a healthy dynamic. So, I guess I just feel a professional obligation to help him? Vincent/Finn: Cami, this is a person whom you've described as being dangerous. Cami: Not to me. Vincent/Finn: ( takes a deep breath ) I don't want you to put yourself in the position where he can harm you. Cami: ( sits back and laughs ) I know it's your job to give me advice, but... can we save the shop-talk? I mean, it is happy hour. Vincent/Finn: ( smiles ) You're right! Now is not the time. Bartender, I'll have a whiskey, neat, and for the lady, a sasure, two spoons of honey. ( Cami looks at him, startled and even more suspicious ) Cami: ( panicked ) You know what? Better cancel that, I actually have to run. But, I'll see you Monday? ( Cami packs up all of her books and quickly leaves the restaurant. Finn, confused, turns and watches her go, disappointed ) [ PLANTATION HOUSE ] ( Klaus is in the middle of digging up Esther's grave where she was buried at the former Mikaelson Mansion. He pulls her coffin out of the ground and turns and glares at the starlings he hears chirping in the trees nearby. He begins to douse the coffin in gasoline ) Klaus: Are you watching this, Mother? Nothing says "I loathe you" quite like desecrating a corpse! ( He pulls out a lighter and lights it, but before he can drop it on the coffin, he hears a familiar voice call out to him ) Elijah: Niklaus! ( Klaus turns to see Elijah on the other end of the yard, walking toward the plantation house. Klaus, confused and a bit suspicious, follows him. Inside, Elijah starts to tap the keys of the burnt-up piano as Klaus slowly approaches him ) Elijah: ( smiles ) You seem troubled. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were worried. Klaus: ( scowls ) What has she done to you? Elijah: A thousand years of mrder and mayhem, and Mother believes she can still save our souls. ( He runs his finger across the piano keys ) She wants to talk. Perhaps we should listen? ( Klaus smiles for a moment before angrily picking up a piece of overturned furniture ) Klaus: ENOUGH! ( The furniture passes right through Elijah and he disappears, revealing that he was only an illusion ) Klaus: The petty illusions, Esther! Where is Elijah? Lenore/Esther: ( appears behind him ) He's preoccupied at the moment. I'm helping him find his way. But, not to worry, I'll return him to you. All I ask is that you hear me out. Klaus: You expect me to sit through a sermon of your lies? Esther: I have lied in the past, to my shame. But, I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm in the process of making Elijah into the man he was meant to be. And, I intend to do the same for you. ( After the break, Esther and Klaus continue their talk ) Esther: This plantation, ruined by fre. How sad, not to mention symbolic. After all you never intended to build a true home here. Even as Hayley carried your child, as Rebekah and Elijah sought to defend you, your thoughts were focused on only your conquest of the Quarter. Tell me, how did that go? Klaus: I'm sorry. Is this some sort of motherly critique? Please feel free to choke on it. Esther: I mention your failures only to make a point, my dear. You've endured several lifetimes of misery, never mind the suffering you've caused others, even to your own blood. You yourself remain trapped in a perpetual state of despair. I have come to offer you a means to escape that cycle. Klaus: And that's about all the hypocrisy I can take. I suggest you give me my brother before I get angry. Esther: Such hatred. It breaks my heart to see you like this. The boy I loved. Klaus: Your love was a curse, an affect you feigned. The truth is, you're not better than Mikael, and like him you seem to have crawled back from the grave simply to ruin your children. ( Esther's eyes widen in shock, and he realizes this is news to her ) Oh! You didn't know! Yes, the Destroyer has risen, brought back to kll me by the witch Davina. Surely Kol has revealed everything to you? ( Esther's face remains blank ) Or, is Mother's loyal little boot-licker not quite so loyal, after all? [ KIERAN'S SECRET APARTMENT ] ( Cami is in the hidden room in her uncle's apartment, surrounded by shelves of mystical objects and files that Kieran had amassed over the years. She peers through a large book on a desk, and skims the pages until she comes across the name Vincent Griffith. Her eyes widen in shock, just as Marcel appears behind her ) Marcel: I bet you want a new advisor right about now. Cami: ( startled ) Who is he, Marcel? I mean, really? Marcel: Long story short is... impossible. Cami: I checked the school website. Vincent Griffith has no other academic credentials. And, according to my Uncle Kieran's big book of New Orlean's bloodlines, Griffith is a family of witches. Marcel: Oh, it's worse than that. Your therapist has a thousand-year-old dad vampire inside of him named...Finn Mikaelson. Cami: ( gasps in shock ) My advisor is Klaus' brother? Oh God, Marcel! He came into Rousseau's today asking questions about Klaus, and ordered my favorite drink like he's been watching me. Why? Marcel: ( shrugs ) Probably to get the scoop on Klaus. Or, maybe to use you as bait for a trap. I don't know. It doesn't matter. Either way, you're done with that guy. Cami: ( determined ) No. I'm just getting started! [ PLANTATION HOUSE ] ( Lenore/Esther and Klaus are still talking inside the burnt-out husk of their former home ) Esther: If Mikael has returned, we will need to deal with him. Klaus: ( laughs ) We? Is that a joke? Am I to forego centuries of hatred for my evil mother in order to join her in besting the very demon she herself allowed to raise me? Esther: ( sighs ) I am not evil, Niklaus. I am your salvation. And Mikael? He was not always a demon. [ FLASHBACK: KINGDOM OF NORWAY, 10TH CENTURY ] ( Esther is sitting in front of a fre in a cottage with her twin children when Mikael returns home ) Esther: ( voiceover ) Long ago, he loved his children with all his heart. [The young boy runs toward his father and hugs his legs as Mikael rubs his head affectionately. Esther: He doted on your brother Finn, but it was our first-born, Freya, who was the apple of his eye. ( Freya's face lights up as she rushes toward her father, jumping into his arms as he lifts her up to hug her ) [ PRESENT DAY: PLANTATION HOUSE ] Klaus: ( unmoved ) You really think that saccharine recollections of anicent history will have any effect on me at all? Esther: What I think is that you have gone mad from centuries of hating your parents. But, if you join me now, I can grant you peace. And, should Mikael return with the intent to harm you, I will strike him down myself. ( Klaus seems slightly tempted, but he remains firm ) Klaus: That's quite an offer. But, you know, I've never needed any help when it comes to klling parents. Esther: ( rolls her eyes ) You reject me out of hatred, but I have something stronger. I have the truth about your father - not Mikael, you're real father. [ BAYOU ] ( Hayley is wandering through a more remote part of the Bayou, looking around, when she comes upon a bat-up trailer in the middle of a wooden area. Suddenly, she hears a creaking sound and quickly turns, catching two arrows in midair that have been sht by an unidentified man behind her. Annoyed, she drops the arrows on the ground ) Hayley: Is that your best sht? You're gonna have to do a lot better than that if you're gonna kll a hybrid. ( The man walks toward her, pulling a shortsword out of its sheath with his free hand. His bow is clutched in the other, and he has a quiver of arrows strapped on his back. He stops when he heards a gruff voice call out ) Jackson: Stop! ( Hayley and Ansel immediately turn at the sound of his voice. Jackson walks out of the trailer and toward them. Hayley's demeanor immediately turns kinder ) Hayley: Jackson? Jackson: Hayley. I see you met my friend Ansel. Ansel: ( confused ) You know her? Jackson: Yeah, actually. I do. She was supposed to be my wife. [ PLANTATION HOUSE ] ( Lenore/Esther has walked outside into the front yard, and Klaus is slowly following behind her. She stops when she comes across her dug-up grave ) Esther: A thousand years ago, in a fit of rage, you wrapped your bare hands around my neck and squeezed until I died. Do you even remember why? Klaus: ( stands beside her ) Let's see... You turned us all into monsters. You cursed me, denied me of my hybrid nature. You lied to me about my father... Esther: ( interrupts him ) It's that one above all. You klled me because I kept you from ever knowing your true father. Klaus: [angry[ My hatred for you runs so deep, it's difficult to pinpoint it's origin. Maybe I hate that I'm the product of a whore's lechery? ( Esther becomes furious and slaps Klaus across the face ) Esther: Watch your mouth! You will do well to remember that you are still my son! Klaus: You judge me evil, yet it was your lust that made me what I am. Esther: And not once have I ever regretted the love I had for your father. And, you have never known the truth of how that love came to be, or what happened in the months after Mikael and I lost your sister Freya to the plague. There are no words for the loss of a child, as you well know. ( Klaus' eyes widen in pain, and he strains to keep from crying ) [ THE BAYOU ] ( Jackson and Hayley are sitting in chairs around the fre pit, while Ansel sits on a log across from them and sharpens his Knfe ) Jackson: After Francesca Guerrera took over the wolves, she offered me a moonlight ring as long as I'd call her Alpha. I declined. So, a couple of her brothers dragged me out here and left me for dad. By the time I healed up, word had spread about what happened to you, and to your baby. ( Hayley looks down at the ground, clearly unhappy about the reminder ) So, I knew it was over, and I just drifted. And that's when I met Ansel. See, he's been teaching me the old ways, the traditions. What it means to be a wolf. Hayley: ( scoffs ) You mean by living out in the ass-end of nowhere? ( She laughs ) Jackson: Hey, easy. Your kind makes him ornery. Hayley: ( frowns ) My kind? Jack, whatever you and your friend think of me, my kind is the wolves. Even if they did pledge allegiance to a witch. All that means is they need an Alpha. Ollie needs one, too. Jackson: Yeah, I heard about that. The thing is, Ollie betrayed me. He plotted with the Guerreras. He spilled his own people's blood. Hayley: ( sighs ) He was trying to make up for that. Jackson: It doesnt matter. Witches have him. He's dad. Not that I care. Hayley: You don't want to be the Alpha? Fine. I'll save Ollie myself. ( She gets up to leave, just as Ansel starts packing up his bow and quiver and stands up to walk toward her ) Hey, you got a problem, old man? Ansel: I have no love of vampires, but I will not allow a wolf to be klled by witches. ( He brushes past Hayley to head for the Quarter. Hayley turns back toward Jackson and sh*t him a look ) Hayley: At least someone is interested. [ PLANTATION HOUSE ] ( Lenore/Esther is still trying to tell Klaus the truth about their family out in the front yard ) Esther: After Freya died, Mikael was inconsolable. Compelled by his grief, we were forced to pack our things and set across the seas. Eventually, his despair would drive us apart, and that's when I saw him for the first time - your father. I'd never seen a man like him. Powerful, yet wise, but loved by his people. And, because Mikael had chosen to leave me alone in his grief, shunning me from his life, I found myself drawn to another. Klaus: Spare me the sordid details of my origin. Esther: I only speak the truth. Klaus: Then tell me this, Mother: Why did your Adonis abandon his son? Why did he allow me to be raised by a monster who hated me? Why not claim me for himself, raise me among the wolves? Or, was he as ashamed of his bastard as you were? Esther: No, no, no. He loved you. It was I who forbade it. I knew if Mikael had learned of my infidelity, he would've destroyed us in his rage. I had no choice. ( Klaus glares at Esther furiously ) [ KIERAN'S SECRET APARTMENT ] ( Cami is looking around the secret room while Marcel watches ) Marcel: So, what? You're gonna spy on a witch with a thousand-year-old grudge-match against Klaus? Huh-uh. I'm not gonna let you go anywhere near that guy! Cami: I can handle myself. ( Cami looks down on a shelf and sees a small dagger and picks it up ) Marcel: Look. Okay, I get it. You're mad at the guy, and you wanna get even, so... Cami: ( interrupts ) It's not about getting even, Marcel! Look around! Everything in this room, this is my family's legacy. And, if I had just embraced it the first time around, I could have uncovered Francesca Guerrera's secret. And, the wolves would have never taken over the Quarter, and Klaus' baby would still be alive, so don't tell me to not get involved! ( Marcel's phone rings, cutting their argument short. It's Hayley ) Marcel: Hold that thought. ( He walks across the room to answer the call ) Marcel: ( to Hayley ) Tell me you have your alpha. Hayley: ( walks through the Bayou with Ansel ) He's out of commission, but I got the next best thing. I'm assuming you have a plan to keep Finn occupied? ( In the Bayou, Ansel gives Hayley a look at the sound of Finn's name. In Kieran's apartment, Marcel looks over at Cami, who is rereading the book on bloodlines ) Marcel: Yeah... Yeah, I think I might have an idea. ( He hangs up, and Cami looks at him in surprise ) [ PLANTATION HOUSE - FRONT YARD ] ( Klaus and Lenore/Esther are still talking ) Lenore/Esther: When I learned I was with child, I went back to Mikael. I told him I was having his baby. He showed no joy, but neither did he suspect the truth. [ FLASHBACK: KINGDOM OF NORWAY, 10TH CENTURY ] ( Esther is holding the newborn baby Klaus in her arms, and Mikael kneels to look at him ) Esther: ( voiceover ) When you were born, it renewed his spirits. ( Mikael holds out his hand, and baby Klaus grips onto his finger with his own hands ) We had Kol, Rebekah, Henrik... [ PRESENT DAY: PLANTATION HOUSE YARD ] Esther: Because of you, we were a family again! Klaus: ( steps away from her, overwhelmed ) A family built on secrets and lies. Esther: Oh, you were my secret joy! And, to protect your secret, I denied you a life with your father. But, what if I could make up for all that? By curing you of this sickness that's infected your soul? Wheras I put Kol and Finn into the bodies of a witch, you I shall place into the body of a werewolf! So you can live out your days as what you were always meant to be! Klaus: ( turns away from her ) What could possibly make you think I would agree to such a thing? Esther: With mortality, you could start over. You could have a family of your own. Happiness, peace, all the things you have long been denied? ( Esther walks toward Klaus as she talks, but with every step she takes in his direction, he takes a step backwards to get away from her, clearly unhappy at the day's events ) Klaus: ( stops backing up ) ENOUGH! Tell me where Elijah is, or I will kll you, in this body or any other you choose to jump into from now to bloody Armageddon! ( He steps toward her, but Esther throws him away from him using telekinesis ) Esther: I had hoped there was some part of you that yearned for an end to your vicious ways! ( She continues holding Klaus back using magic as he stands to his feet and tries to push against it ) But, if you are determined to perpetuate the cycles of the volence to which you have become accustomed? Well, then, I'll have to accommodate you. ( She makes her outstretched hand into a fist and twists it in the air, snapping Klaus' neck with telekinesis. Klaus falls to the ground, unconscious ) ( After the break, night has fallen, and Klaus still lies on the ground outside the plantation house. In his dreams, he's been transported to a flashback ) [ FLASHBACK: 10TH CENTURY MYSTIC FALLS ] ( It's night time, and Klaus has stumbled out of the woods to find the bloodied bodies of several werewolves impaled on pikes. Horrified, Klaus rushes over to the nearest body and turns over his arm, revealing a tattoo of three crescent moons surrounded by a circle. He then brushes the long hair out of the man's face so he can see his face. It's Ansel, who has been klled by Mikael. Klaus becomes distraught ) [ PRESENT DAY: PLANTATION HOUSE YARD ] ( Klaus awakens with a gasp after his snapped neck has healed. He sits up to find that Lenore/Esther has been waiting for him ) Esther: Apologies for the headache. Were you dreaming? Klaus: I was remembering the day I found out who my real father was. Only that was after Mikael slaughtered him. Esther: My darkest hour. Had you yourself not klled me soon thereafter, I doubt I ever would have recovered. ( She checks her pocketwatch, which reads 8:35PM, or 19:35 ) Esther: You woke earlier than I expected. No matter. It is time. Klaus: ( concerned ) Time for what? Esther: You said you wanted Elijah. He's sleeping. Chained to the wall of a tomb in Lafayette Cemetery. I've lifted the spell that hides him. You are free to take him home. Now, his own mind will work out his choice for him. When he wakes, he'll make his own decision. Every single thing I've said to you tonight is the truth, Niklaus. Whether you choose to believe it is up to you. ( Klaus scowls at her before vamp-speeding away to get Elijah ) [ FRENCH QUARTER/ ROUSSEAU'S ] ( Cami walks down the street toward Rousseau's and walks inside. Meanwhile, Gia has arrived at the back entrance, looking around to make sure the coast is clear, and finds Marcel is waiting for her by the door ) Gia: All good. Not a werewolf in sight. Marcel: Good. I appreciate you being here. Gia: How's Blondie doing? Marcel: She'll be fine. ( He pats her on the arm ) Keep an eye out for wolves, alright? ( Gia goes to keep an eye on the perimeter, while Marcel returns to the door. He uses his vampire hearing to eavesdrop on Cami and Vincent/Finn's conversation ) ( Inside, Cami has met with Vincent/Finn at a table ) Cami: Thanks for coming. I feel bad for being so abrupt earlier, I'm sorry! Finn: That was my fault. I was being unprofessional. My apologies. Cami: ( smiles ) You're sorry, I'm sorry. ( She raises her glass ) Let's call it even and have a drink! [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Hayley and Ansel have arrived in the cemetery, and they slowly make their way through the foggy paths as they try to find Oliver. They make it to the lycée and walk up the steps to enter. Inside, they find a bloodied Oliver suspended by his wrists in the greenhouse ) Hayley: Ollie! Ollie, wake up! Oliver: ( weakened ) The hell are you doing? ( he looks at Ansel ) Who the hell is that? Hayley: We're here to save your ass. Please tell me you know where Elijah is? ( Oliver weakly shakes his head. Ansel goes to the window to look outside ) Ansel: They know we're here. ( Hayley focuses her hearing to hear the sounds of werewolves jumping down from the crypts as they make their way to the lycée ) Hayley: ( looks at Oliver and the chains that bind him ) Sorry. No time to be gentle. ( She yanks on the chains, and when they break, Oliver falls to the floor. Hayley quickly picks him up ) Hayley: Let's go. [ ROUSSEAU'S ] ( Cami has just finished her whiskey while she and Vincent/Finn continue to talk ) Cami: Whew! ( She refills her drink ) So, how would you diagnose my friend Klaus, if I may ask? Finn: Well, he's clearly depressive. Low self-esteem, paranoia... ( He laughs ) Impulse control. Wouldn't you agree? Cami: A lot of it is beyond me. Too much history I don't know, like all the stuff with his siblings. ( Outside, Marcel is continuing to listen to their conversation ) You know, the resentment. How do you manage it? Finn: ( confused ) I beg your pardon? Cami: ( plays dumb ) In one of our first sessions, you mentioned that you don't get along very well with your brothers. ( Finn continues to look at her suspiciously, but she continues to play oblivious ) Do you stay in touch with them? Finn: ( uncomfortable ) In a manner of speaking. We're not particularly close. ( Outside, Gia is also listening to their conversation, and she joins Marcel near the door ) Cami: And your parents, are they still around? ( Finn sits back in his seat ) Am I prying? I'm totally prying. Finn: All this talk about my family, when you so recently scolded me about boundaries... Cami: Just searching for coping methods! ( smiles ) Trying to learn from the master. Finn: Oh, is that so? ( Marcel, thinking Cami's cover has been blown, opens the back door to go into the restaurant when a werewolf appears behind them ) Werewolf: You must be lost. Vampires caught in the Quarter are to be klled on sight. ( Marcel steps in front of Gia protectively ) Marcel: ( to Gia ) Go. Run. As fast as you can. ( She rushes away as Marcel approaches the werewolf ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY - THE LYCEE ] ( Hayley is helping Oliver up while Ansel prepares his quiver ) Oliver: ( exhausted ) Just leave me here. Go! Hayley: To hell with that! They want a fight, I'll give them a fight. Ansel: No. ( He approaches Hayley ) I came with you to save one of my own, not watch as you kll scores of them. ( Hayley rolls her eyes ) Take your friend out the back, move as fast as you can. I'll hold them off here. Hayley: ( sighs and rushes toward Oliver ) Come on, quickly. ( She helps lead Oliver out the back of the lycée as more werewolves flood the cemetery, all headed for the building. Ansel makes his way onto the steps and brandishes his sword at the incoming werewolves, cutting them down ) [ ROUSSEAU'S ] ( Cami, clearly nervous, continues to talk her way out of suspicion ) Cami: Look, if I've offended you, I'm sorry. Finn: You haven't offended me, it's just... you seem on edge. ( Outside, Marcel is fighting the werewolf, both of whom are about of equal fighting skill ) Finn: Now, perhaps it's this Klaus business. Is there something you haven't shared with me? ( Cami sits back in her seat and laughs nervously as she surrepticiously reaches into her purse on the floor ) Cami: I guess I'm just... nervous around you. ( She pulls the dagger from Kieran's apartment out of her purse and grips it in her hand ) I mean, I keep badgering you with my dumb questions. Finn: Your questions are quite smart, they're just personal. And, your interest is unexpected. ( Cami smiles ) ( Outside, Marcel has grabbed a large pipe off of the building and whacks the werewolf upside the head with it before slamming it into his gut ) Cami: Maybe this is just my passive-aggressive way of trying to change the subject from where I'm afraid you're headed. Finn: Which is? Cami: I think you're going to tell me to stop spending time with Klaus. Finn: Cami, you're an intelligent woman. You're articulate, poised... I think you can tell for yourself what's best. ( Marcel and the werewolf are still fighting, but the werewolf has gotten the upper-hand. He lifts Marcel up into the air by his shirt and groans ) Cami: You know, sometimes I ask myself why I let people like Klaus into my life. I have this destructive pattern. ( She tightly grips the dagger in her hand ) I'm always drawn to the bad boys. Maybe deep down, I feel like that's what I deserve. ( Finn frowns, confused, and takes Cami's hand in his ) Finn: Cami, I'm an expert in unhealthy patterns. I've broken some of my own, and I can help you do the same, if you let me. ( He looks her in the eye, and Cami glances down at their clasped hands and smiles as she slips the dagger back into her bag ) ( Outside, Marcel gouges out the eyes of the werewolf to try to get out of his grasp, but the werewolf bites Marcel on the arm. Just then, Gia vamp-speeds out of nowhere and shoves the werewolf into the nearby van, which forces his head through the passenger window. Marcel falls to the ground as Gia shoves the man against the van, ready to rip out his heart like Elijah taught her. However, he manages to grab her arm and twist her arm behind her back before biting her neck and throwing her on the ground. Before he can kll her, Marcel manages to get up and rip out his heart from behind. He drops the heart on the floor and smiles proudly at Gia as he helps her up to her feet ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Oliver and Hayley are hiding behind a crypt when suddenly, Aiden arrives, leading another group of werewolves ) Aiden: Come out! We know you're here. ( Hayley looks over at Oliver, who is bracing himself against the wall, before walking out into the aisle to face them ) Hayley: Why don't you just let us go and we can call it a day? ( Hayley gives Aiden a significant look, but he seems torn ) Aiden: No, I don't think so. Hayley: ( annoyed ) Then we do this the hard way. ( The werewolves brace for a fight, but Oliver staggers over to Hayley before anyone can move ) Oliver: You idiots! You're lining up to fight a hybrid? For what? So you can kll me? All because some witch gave an order? I know I ain't innocent, but I never lost sight of what I was fighting for! We were gonna be a pack! But now? ( he steps toward them ) We're turning on each other! klling your own people? We do that, we're nothing. ( Oliver and Hayley tense in case they start a fight, but Aiden waits a moment before clearing a path so Hayley and Oliver can leave without volence ) ( Elsewhere in the cemetery, Klaus has arrived to rescue Elijah. Suddenly, Klaus hears the sounds of fighting nearby and goes to investigate. Ansel is still mowing down werewolves with his sword in front of the lycée when Klaus vamp-speeds behind one of the werewolves and snaps his neck. Ansel holds his sword up until he sees that it is Klaus. Klaus is shocked to see him ) Klaus: You. ( Klaus flashes back to when he found Ansel klled by Mikael ) Ansel: [stunned[ Niklaus? Klaus: ( panics ) No, no! You're not real! Ansel: Niklaus! Klaus: NO! You're a phantom, conjured by Esther, that's all that you are! ( He brushes past Ansel ) Mother! Stop this charade! I know that thing is not real! Ansel: ( approaches Klaus ) Look at me, Niklaus. ( Klaus, frightened, slowly turns toward him ) I am flesh and blood. Your flesh and blood. Klaus: You've been dad a thousand years! Ansel: And through that time, I lingered on the Other Side, watching you let the world fall apart until I woke, four moons past, in the land of wolves like myself. Klaus: No. No! No, you're just in my head. You're an illusion, meant by my mother to sway me to accept her bargain! Ansel: ( confused ) I do not speak for Esther. I know nothing of her bargains. ( He walks toward Klaus ) But you are my son. ( He reaches to caress Klaus' face, but Klaus grabs his arm before he can so he can see the crescent moon tattoo on his forearm. The sight of it causes Klaus to flash back once more to when he found Ansel's body when Mikael klled him. In the present day, Ansel looks at Klaus curiously ) Klaus: And, if what you say is real, you are nothing to me. For all I care, you can crawl back to hell. ( Ansel looks hurt as Klaus vamp-speeds away ) [ MARCEL'S APARTMENT ] ( Marcel pulls a vial of blood out of a dresser door and walks over to where Gia is sitting on the couch, her bite still bleeding and not healing. He gives her a sip out of the vial, and Gia makes a face as she swallows it ) Gia: Mmm. You sure this is gonna work? Marcel: Klaus' blood is the only cure for a werewolf bite. Thing is, I'm running low, so new rule: don't get bit. Gia: ( smiles ) I got bit saving your ass. Marcel: ( smiles back ) Yeah, yeah, you did good, too. I gotta admit, though, when you took off, I thought you were gone. Gia: All my life, when things got tough, that's what I would do. I would run, because I never fit in anyway. But this place, what you're building here... it fits. So, I'm in. No running, no matter what. Marcel: ( grins ) Well, thanks for sticking it out. Gia: ( whispers ) Yeah. ( Marcel's phone rings ) Marcel: Hang on, I gotta take this. ( He answers the call. It's Cami ) Hey, you okay? Cami: ( at Rousseau's ) Yeah. To be honest, not the worst date I've had in this city. [She pulls a bottle of liquor from behind the bar] Marcel: ( slightly jealous ) Yeah, it seemed like you had him wrapped around your finger by the time I left. Cami: ( pours herself a drink ) More than that. Vincent, Finn, whoever he is, I think he likes me. Marcel: ( frowns ) I'm not sure I would call that good news. Cami: Don't you get it? I'm his blind spot! If he's distracted, he's vulnerable, which means I can help take him down. ( She sips her drink, and Marcel sighs uneasily ) [ THE BAYOU ] ( Hayley and Oliver have returned to Jackson's trailer, where Hayley is cleaning Oliver up ) Jackson: Well, you got him. Great. Where's Ansel? Hayley: He was busy being a man. He should be right behind us. Oliver: ( weak ) Jack, I have to tell you... Jackson: ( interrupts ) I already know, Ollie, you sold me out to Francesca. Oliver: Look, I know that I can't make up for that. But, you need to hear this. ( Jackson looks away and finishes his drink ) You're the one. ( Oliver struggles to get to his feet, and Jackson stands defensively, grabbing a nearby staff to use in a fight, if necessary ) You're the alpha. Our people are not meant to be slaves! You can free them. ( Suddenly, Oliver starts coughing up blood and falls to his knees ) Jackson: Ollie? Ollie? ( to Hayley ) What is wrong with him? Hayley: ( shocked ) It's the witches. Jackson: ( crouches down to Oliver ) Ollie? Hayley: They said he only had until midnight. ( Jackson props Oliver up in his arms to try to resuscitate him ) Jackson: Stay with me! Oliver: ( choking on blood ) Jack... ( Jackson looks horrified as Oliver suddenly starts bleeding from his eyes and nose in addition to his mouth before dying in Jackson's arms. Jackson gently lays him on the ground, still gripping his hand, as Hayley and Jackson look as though they're about to cry ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Klaus has finally made it into the lycée, where he finds Elijah still bound in chains and unconscious. He spots the poppet that binds the spell keeping the chains from being broken, and quickly rips down the chains. Elijah falls into his arms, so Klaus sets him down on the floor so he can try to wake him ) Klaus: Wake up, brother. Elijah. Lenore/Esther: ( appears behind him ) He won't wake. Not yet. Which gives you and I one last chance to discuss my offer. ( Klaus is furious, and gently lays Elijah onto the ground to break the cuffs off his wrists ) Klaus: You promised me Elijah's safe return. Or, was that a lie, just like that ghoulish atrocity outside claiming to be my father, back from the dad? Esther: Your father's return is real. I pulled him from the Other Side before it collapsed, left him in the Bayou to join the wolves. And, I used the execution of one of his own to draw him here, where I knew he'd find you. Klaus: ( enraged ) To what end? Besides my torment? Esther: ( approaches him ) I brought him here to be the father you never had. To teach you to be the man you always longed to be. Once you are remade as a werewolf, you can join him. Klaus: ( stands and walks toward her ) His return changes nothing. Esther: It changes everything. It is my gift to you, Niklaus. This offer is your last chance at salvation. Reject me now, and you will live out your endless days unloved and alone. Do not refuse me out of some ancient spite... Klaus: ( interrupts ) Not spite. Hatred. A pure and perfect hatred that's greater now than the day I first took your life! Esther: ( upset ) Why, after all I've done to explain to you, why must you persist... ( Klaus completely loses his temper and grabs her in a choke-hold, slamming her head against the stone wall as he pins her down ) Klaus: BECAUSE YOU CAME FOR MY CHILD! MY DAUGHTER! Your own blood! Esther: ( struggles to breathe ) You... don't... understand! Klaus: MY. CHILD! Esther: ( gasps ) Niklaus! I had to! ( She lifts up two fingers, causing Klaus to experience a nosebleed similar to the one she gave Kol in Alive and Kicking. Still, he grips her throat even harder, and she whimpers in pain ) Klaus: You declared wr when you came after my family. And, for that, I will make you suffer as only I can. ( He smirks through the blood pouring from his nose ) After all, I am my mother's son. ( He throws her down onto the floor, where she struggles to catch her breath. Klaus rushes over to Elijah, picking him up and carrying him out of the crypt. Esther backs up and leans against the wall before she's transported into a flashback ) [ FLASHBACK: KINGDOM OF NORWAY, 10TH CENTURY ] ( Young Esther is standing in front of her sister Dahlia, who is gripping onto Freya's arm. Esther is upset, and Finn clutches her side ) Esther: Please, do not do this! Dahlia: You wanted a family! Fate said otherwise, and so you came to me. And, for a price, I granted your wish. ( She pulls on Freya's arm in emphasis ) Now, I must collect. Esther: When Mikael returns from his journey, I swear... Dahlia: You will tell him Freya grew ill and died! Esther: ( in tears ) No, Dahlia! Dahlia: You were forced to burn her body to stop the spread of plague. Esther: Sister, please, I cannot give up my child! Dahlia: You've already offered me more than just this one child! Our bargain was for this first-born, and every first-born of each generation that is to come, for as long as your line shall last. Esther: ( furious ) If you do this, if you take my daughter, I swear to you, I will return to the black arts. I will grow in power as a witch, and I will MAKE YOU PAY! Dahlia: Your power is nothing against mine! Foolish girl. You knew the bargain you made! And, should you defy me, then I will take all your children. Including little Finn! ( Finn starts to cry, and Dahlia gestures to Esther's pregnant body ) Even unborn Elijah! Esther: No, Dahlia! ( Dahlia angrily picks up Freya and rushes away from them. Freya becomes frightened ) Esther: No! Freya: Mommyyyyyy! Esther: Dahlia! Freya, please! Freya: MOMMYYYY! ( Freya continues to scream, and Esther breaks down in tears as Dahlia leaves with her ) ( In the present day, Vincent/Finn finds Lenore/Esther on the floor of the crypt, recovering from nearly being strangled and horrified at the memory of losing Freya ) Finn: Mother? What happened? Esther: Niklaus refused my offer. ( At the Mikaelson compound, Klaus and Hayley lay Elijah on his bed, still in his bloodstained suit. He and Hayley stare at Elijah in concern ) Esther: Still burdened with hatred for me. For what happened to his child. Finn: He's a fool. Your actions saved this family! If that child had lived... ( Finn cuts himself off, unable to speak the words ) Esther: Dahlia would return, and she would come for us all. END	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x06 - Wheel Inside the Wheel"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Klaus: I assume I have the misfortune of speaking to my mother. Esther: I have come to heal our family. I will undo everything that has been done, thereby giving you a new life. Kol: You should get out of here. My brother is not the forgiving kind. Davina: I'm not afraid of him. ... I'm about to get even with Klaus, and you're gonna help me. Oliver: You're the Alpha. Our people are not meant to be slaves. You can free them. ( Oliver starts coughing up blood and falls to his knees ) Jackson: Ollie? Esther: I want you to rejoin our family, take the body of a mortal, and we can all be happy again. Ansel: Niklaus... Klaus: You're not real. Ansel: I am flesh and blood, your flesh and blood. ... You are my son. Esther: I brought him here to be the father you never had. Esther: You said you wanted Elijah. He's sleeping. ... When he wakes, he'll make his own decision. [ ELIJAH'S DREAM ] ( Elijah is dreaming that he is his teenaged self in the 10th century. He's chasing a young Klaus through the woods ) Young Klaus: You cannot catch me, Elijah! Young Elijah: You're getting faster, Klaus, but you are not yet fast enough! ( Young Klaus giggles as he continues to run through the forest, his voice echoing through present-day Elijah's head. Suddenly, Young Klaus disappears, and Young Elijah stops in the middle of a small clearing ) Young Elijah: Klaus? Niklaus? ( He looks around him until an older, deeper voice calls out to him. It's present-day Elijah, his face and suit splattered in blood. Thunder and lightning crack above them ) Adult Elijah: There you are. ( Adult Elijah approaches Young Elijah, who is getting more scared by the moment ) Adult Elijah: Do you understand? ( He places his hand on the back of Young Elijah's head as his vampire-face comes out ) One day, only a monster shall remain. ( Frightened, Young Elijah grabs his hatchet from his waist, and though Adult Elijah dodges it at first, he's eventually ht in the shoulder with it ) [ PRESENT DAY - MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Elijah lays on his bed in the compound, still asleep as he was when he was rescued. He's breathing erratically, covered in a thin sheen of sweat, and his muscles are tense, as though he's being overwhelmed by fear. Klaus stands over him and talks to him, his voice echoing through Elijah's head. In Elijah's dream, he pulls the hatchet out of his shoulder, but Young Elijah runs away before he can catch him ) Klaus: I know you are locked in battle, however deep in your mind our mother has set the stage. Hear my voice. ( Elijah twitches anxiously in his sleep ) Our mother thinks she will win because she has left you alone, but you are not alone. Let me in. ( Klaus puts one hand on his head, and one hand on his chest, hoping to gain entry into Elijah's mind. Elijah's body goes rigid as though he's been shocked and he begins to seize ) Klaus: Let me help end whatever torment she has forced upon you. ( Klaus' nose begins to bleed, and he gets glimpses of the dreams Elijah has been having. Klaus groans in pain as he continues to try to break through, but he's quickly ripped off of Elijah by Hayley ) Hayley: ( confused ) What are you doing? Klaus: ( pants and wipes the blood from his face ) I'm trying to enter Elijah's thoughts to wake him. ( He gestures to Elijah, who is still sleeping fitfully ) Esther's locked me out. ( Hayley walks over to Elijah, noticing a flower petal-shaped wound on his neck ) Hayley: Is this rash a side effect of the witchy acid trip he's on? Klaus: ( frowns and checks the mark ) I haven't seen this since I was a child. Mikael would return home from battle more blindly temperamental than usual, and our mother would use the petals of a rare merlock orchid to put him to sleep. She would mend his mind with a spell, and then wake him with the roots of the same plant. ( He turns to Hayley ) If she has access to it now, then maybe it also grows in the Bayou. You stay here with your wolves and mind the fort. Hayley: ( rolls her eyes ) I'd rather rip your mother's head off. Klaus: ( serious ) Stay clear of her. I mean it, Hayley. She already got to you once. What would happen if Elijah were to wake and find you a victim of her madness? Hayley: ( reluctant ) I won't go after her. I promise. ( Klaus looks at her for a moment before turning and leaving. Hayley turns back toward Elijah and approaches the bed to talk to him ) Hayley: ( quietly ) I've learned a few things from your mother. I won't go after her. I'll go after everything that she loves. [ CREDITS ] [ THE BAYOU ] ( It is barely sunrise, and Jackson is preparing Oliver's body for his funeral. He wraps it up in white sheet before dousing him in alcohol and putting him in a small boat. Jackson takes a swig of whiskey and pushes the boat out into the lake in the Bayou, lighting it on fre with a lighter to give Oliver a traditional Viking funeral. Later, Oliver's remains are still smoking on the lake while Jackson drinks on the nearby dock. Suddenly, Hayley arrives and stands behind him ) Hayley: ( whispers ) I'm so sorry, Jack. Jackson: ( angrily jumps to his feet ) This is bull, Hayley! Crescent tradition says you have a funeral at dawn, and no one is here! ( Hayley, speechless, remains silent ) That loyalty... ( He stops himself, unable to finish ) ...Loyalty's gone. ( Jackson goes to walk away, but Hayley stops him ) Hayley: We're standing around moping over Ollie's body when there's a wr to be fought. I understand that you have to grieve, Jack. You waited for me, so I'll do the same for you. But, our people need their alpha. ( Hayley gently takes the bottle of whiskey out of his hands before putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. After a moment, Hayley leaves him alone to mourn his pack mate ) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Hayley and Aiden have arrived to Marcel's apartment to come up with a plan ) Marcel: Where is your alpha? Hayley: ( sighs ) Unavailable. Marcel: So, you brought Junior Varsity? You know, I'm getting a little tired of you using my place as a den for wayward wolves. Hayley: Well, it was just that we were going to, uh, take down Finn Mikaelson today, and considering how he treated your vampires, I assumed that you would want in on the bloodbath. Marcel: ( clearly interested ) I'm listening. ( Hayley and Aiden sit across from him on the couch ) Aiden: Well... ( clears throat ) It's not gonna be easy. He's surrounded by a pack of juiced-up wolves. He doesn't have a weakness. Marcel: He does, actually! ( He pulls his phone out of his pocket ) And, I have her on speed dial! ( Aiden and Hayley look at him, confused ) He's got a thing for Cami. Hayley: Klaus will go ballistic if we get Cami involved in this. Marcel: Klaus ain't here! And Cami? Well, she's got this thing about people telling her what she can and can't do! ( He dials Cami's number and holds the phone up to his ear ) I trust you, of all people, understand. ( Hayley chuckles ) [ VINCENT/FINN'S OFFICE ] ( Vincent/Finn is doodling magical sigils in his notebook while Cami, who stands by the window, talks ) Cami: He hasn't called. He thinks he's protecting me, but... I don't think I want to be protected! Truth be told, I don't think I want to be around him anymore at all. Finn: ( smiles and closes his notebook ) Well, that's a nice piece of progress! ( Cami smiles at him, before awkwardly looking down at the floor ) Finn: What's on your mind? Cami: ( hesitates ) I was wondering... ( She sighs and sits down on the couch ) I know this is, like, horribly unprofessional, but, I was... hoping I could get a new advisor. Finn: ( confused ) You aren't finding our sessions productive? Cami: No! No, that's not it. They've been great! You're... you're really getting to know me. I just... ( she licks her lips nervously ) I wanna get to know you, too. ( Finn looks surprised and smiles, and the two sit awkwardly in silence for a moment ) Cami: ( smiles nervously ) Right, yes. ( She laughs uncomfortably) Mortifyingly unprofessional. I'm gonna go. ( She grabs her purse and heads for the door. Finn, clearly torn, considers this a moment before he jumps up and stops her ) Finn: Uh, Camille! ( She turns back toward him hopefully ) Do you enjoy jazz? ( Cami smiles ) [ MOTEL ] ( Davina is looking into a broken mirror as she chants a spell ) Davina: Veretres en un sondre. Veretres en un sondre. ( Kaleb/Kol walks out of the bathroom, having just showered, and watches as Davina's spell begins to repair the broken mirror. He approaches her and leans in close ) Kol: Still at it? ( Davina is so startled that the mirror cracks in the corner ) Davina: ( annoyed ) I'm trying to repair the damage that you did to my de-linking spell! Kol: Oh. ( He looks down at the indestructible white oak stake on the table in front of her, and she snatches it away from him ) Davina: The only reason I'm still shacked up in this dump motel with you is for your freaky witch-encyclopedia brain. Kol: Okay. Well, here's a magical secret from the ancient legends of the Romani psychics... SLEEP, Davina! You've been awake for days. Davina: ( packs up her things ) Kind of hard to rest with a thousand-year-old psycho in the next bed. Kol: ( scoffs ) You say that, I sound like a bit of a creeper! Davina: ( frustrated ) Can you just stop? Kol: Stop what, darling? Davina: Calling me "darling," and trying to be funny, and... ( She's momentarily distracted when she sees that Kol's shirt is open, revealing his bare torso ) ..that. Kol: ( smirks and buttons up his shirt ) Oh! Well, most girls like this. But, then, you're not like most girls, are you? Davina: What I'd like is for you to just stop messing around. ( She continues packing up, and after a moment, Kol stops her ) Kol: Okay, Davina. Alright. I have been trying to charm you. And your resistance is as impressive as it is baffling. But, there are things that we can do. Big things. ( Davina looks at him warily ) I can't share my secrets with you unless we trust each other. Davina: I don't care about your secrets, Kaleb. Kol. ( flustered ) I don't even know what to call you! Kol: Kol Mikaelson. And, if you want to take down Klaus without your friends dying, well, then, you'd be a fool not to listen. ( Suddenly, Kaleb begins to groan in pain and falls to his knees. Davina rushes over to him to find that there are symbols brned/carved into the skin of his forearm. There are Norse runes that spell his name, and a triskelion ) Davina: What's happening? Kol: That's Mother Dearest, calling me home. [ THE LYCEE ] ( Lenore/Esther is in the greenhouse, where she has put the same Runic symbol and a triskelion in salt on the table to do her spell. Vincent/Finn watches her work from across the room ) Finn: Well, you always did know how to leave a message, Mother. Esther: ( smirks ) If only all my sons were as respectful as you are. Kol will return home soon, Elijah will wake from his slumber believing the only way to salvage his humanity is to rejoin our family. ( Finn nods in agreement) Which is why it is time you bring Camille in. ( She hands him a small bundle of herbs ) Here. I've spelled this to subdue her without causing bodily harm. Finn: ( unsure ) I thought we had more time. Esther: We don't. Once Klaus has been duly influenced by his father, we will need to act quickly. Finn: No, there's no need for this. ( Esther gives Finn a look ) I can bring her in without it. [ THE BAYOU ] ( Klaus is wandering around the Bayou, looking for the merlock orchids to awaken Elijah. As he walks through the forest, an unidentified man stands nearby with a Knfe in his hand. Eventually, Klaus, noticing the man's breathing and heart beats, vamp-speeds over to where Ansel has been watching him and pins him against a tree ) Klaus: Stop following me. I have no intention of taking Esther's bargain, and no desire to be remade a mortal being. Now, kindly piss off. I'm in a hurry to help my real family. ( Klaus stomps away, but stops when Ansel calls out to him ) Ansel: You seek the merlock orchid. Klaus: ( turns toward him ) How did you know that? Ansel: I saw you carry Elijah home last night. Who do you think used to find the orchid for your mother to put Mikael to sleep? Without my help, you could search forever. ( They stare at each other for a long moment, and Ansel smiles a small smile at his son ) Klaus: My mother brought you back from the dad. My sense of strategy tells me that it wasn't to play a father-son game of hide and seek. ( Klaus once again turns away to search for the flower ) Ansel: You can storm off in a fit of stubbornness if you like, but I suggest you do so toward the west. ( Ansel gestures to his right, and Klaus stops for a moment, considering his options with a sigh ) [ ON THE ROAD ] ( Davina is driving Kaleb/Kol's car while he sits in the passenger seat, wincing as he cradles his injured arm. They're listening to classical music, Davina's favorite, but Kol uses magic to turn the station to blues music. Amused, Davina leans over and hits the button to turn off the radio ) Kol: ( laughs ) You have any fun with magic, or is it all just angst and child sacrifice with you lot? Davina: You were a witch before you were a vampire, right? Kol: Yeah. None of my siblings had tapped into their power. I was a bit of a child prodigy! I loved it. I loved the power, I loved the rush... and then, when we turned, I lost it all. Went through a bit of a dark period. Davina: ( incredulous ) A thousand years? Kol: Yeah, well, I'm a thrill-seeker. I couldn't get that from magic anymore, so I looked elsewhere. Davina: Yeah. mrder, mayhem... Kol: Yeah, youthful misadventures! I actually spent quite a lot of time with witches. You know, learning from them, teaching them. Trying to get back what my mother stole from me. Davina: Is that why she brought you back as a witch? Kol: Well, she felt like this body would be best for the task at hand... spying on the prettiest witch in town! Davina: ( laughs ) I can't believe your mom sent you here to flirt with me. Kol: Oh, no, she sent me to follow you. The flirting bit was me! ( After a moment of silence, Kol flicks his fingers, turning the radio back on to classical music. Davina smiles at him ) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ( Aiden, Hayley, Josh, and Marcel are outlining their plan to take down Vincent/Finn. Aiden smooths out a map on the coffee table ) Aiden: Cami said Vincent wants to meet at Preservation Hall. But, he won't be unprotected. ( He points to different spots on the map ) There will be wolves position here and here. Marcel: ( points at a different location on the map ) Can we keep this alley open? ( Aiden nods in confirmation ) Hayley: Alright, I'll wait there and rip Vincent's head off. Marcel: Nah, he'll body-jump. ( Cami enters suddenly with a file box in her hands ) Cami: Vincent's head stays on. He'll have a hard time answering questions without it. ( She opens the box, and the rest of them start to look through it ) Josh: Sweet, it's a big box of dusty old junk. We're saved! ( Aiden smiles despite himself. Marcel starts to go through the contents of the box ) Cami: ( laughs ) They're dark objects my uncle left for me. I've been cataloguing them according to Kieran's notes. As far as I can tell, these can be used against witches specifically. ( Marcel pulls a pair of shackles attached to a chain out of the box ) Hayley: ( sees the shackles ) Kinky. ( Josh laughs ) Marcel: Ah, I remember these! A hundred years ago, the Human Faction waged a wr against the Voodoo Queens. They had a traitor spell these manacles. Slap 'em on a witch, they can't do magic as long as they're on. ( He sets the shackles back into the box ) Josh: Alright, we're not gonna get the "Handcuffs of Doom" on him while he's surrounded by a werewolf entourage. Aiden: We can just lure him away. I can do that. Hayley: Cami, if we do this, you're the bait. Are you sure you're okay with that? ( Everyone looks at Cami in concern. Cami looks slightly nervous, but she shakes it off ) Cami: Make it look convincing. The guy's really smart. [ THE BAYOU ] ( Klaus is still wandering around the forest, while Ansel follows behind him ) Ansel: A thousand years estranged, and you choose to walk in silence? Surely you have questions for me. Klaus: ( sighs ) Just one... is there a way to cure Elijah without having to listen to the pointless ramblings of an old man? Ansel: I'm afraid the price of my expertise is conversation. ( Ansel pats Klaus affectionately on the back and slips past him so he can lead him through the woods ) Klaus: You know, I used to tell myself that my real father must have had no idea I existed. Otherwise, he'd never leave me to suffer under Mikael. Ansel: Esther forbade from seeing you. So, I waited, knowing that one day, you would trigger your curse and need your real father. When that happened, Mikael found me first. I fought him for you. Klaus: Yes, well, your grand declaration is just a few years too late. Ansel: Now, you joke, but I know you've always felt a void in your life. I've watched you from beyond for centuries. You've traveled all corners of the world, seen monuments erected, feasted on the blood of the history's most extraordinary men, but you've never found true peace. ( Klaus is clearly affected by his words ) The only moments of joy in your life, however fleeting, have been simple pleasures. As you climbed the Himalayas, as you tended to your horses. Quiet days, teaching that boy Shakespeare... Klaus: ( overwhelmed ) Stop. Ansel: I watched you paint. I watched you feel your unborn daughter's kick... ( Klaus grabs him in a choke-hold ) Klaus: ( angry ) I said, stop! A millenium of observing me... were your eyes closed as I slaughtered whole villages? Fed my way through thousands of innocents? Because, let's face it... I have a tendency to play with my food. ( Ansel stares at him, silent, as Klaus steps closer so they are nearly nose-to-nose ) Have I made you proud, Father? ( Upset, Klaus angrily shoves past Ansel, who looks heartbroken ) [ THE LYCEE ] ( Kaleb/Kol has just returned back to the greenhouse, where Lenore/Esther is waiting for him. He goes to the shelf to grab a jar full of an herbal poultice ) Kol: ( frustrated ) Remind me to teach you how to send a text message. Esther: You were told to get the white oak stake days ago. We need it now... seeing as your father has risen. Kol: ( feigns surprise ) Mikael? Back from the dad? Esther: ( furious ) Enough! You kept it from me. Why? Because of Davina Claire? Kol: To protect your plan! She's never gonna trust me if she thinks I'm just a flying monkey to the wicked witch! I've got it handled, Mother. ( Esther considers this for a moment, and then snuffs out a nearby candle, which causes Kol's Runic wounds to heal ) Esther: I want that stake! And I don't care what you have to do to get it! ( Esther turns and walks out of the greenhouse. Kol picks up an athame on the table and looks at it with interest ) [ THE BAYOU ] ( Ansel and Klaus have come upon a large tree, where the merlock orchids are growing upon the branches. Surrounding the tree are dozens and dozens of purple-flowered herbs ) Klaus: ( frustrated ) Vervain. It's everywhere. My relentless mother has set a trap. Ansel: ( looks at the tree, and then back at Klaus, smiling ) I'll retrieve the merlock for you. Klaus: ( suspicious ) At what cost? ( Ansel angrily throws his Knfe into the ground and approaches Klaus ) Ansel: Why don't you use your vampire abilities to end your doubts? Search my mind. You'll see I'm not aligned with your mother. Klaus: I have absolutely no interest in the inner-workings of your brain. Ansel: I'm surprised at your cowardice. Klaus: Oh? Ansel: While you stand here in fear of me, your brother suffers further. Klaus: ( clearly hurt, reconsiders his offer ) Gather the orchids. [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Davina has arrived at the cemetery, where Kaleb/Kol is waiting for her outside of a mausoleum, holding the athame that he took from the lycée ) Davina: What did your mother want from you? Kol: She wants me to take that stake out of your bag. Give it to her, so that you can't kll Klaus before she gets her big, happy family. Davina: Is that why you called me here? Kol: ( frustrated ) I'm not my mother's puppet! ( He stands up ) I want something different entirely. ( He holds out the dagger ) I want your blood. ( Davina backs away from the athame, looking scared, but Kol raises his hands non-thrat ) Kol: Relax, love! I'm not gonna take it. I'm asking ya, nicely. Davina: ( sarcastic ) Sure, I'll just bleed for you with no explanation at all. Kol: ( chuckles ) About a hundred years ago, this tomb used to be my playhouse. The witches I used to run with, we used to make all kinds of magic in here. That is, until I pissed the prettiest one off, as I tend to do, and she locked me out. Davina: So, why do you need my blood? Kol: Her name was Mary Alice Claire. ( Davina, knowing where he's going with this, sighs and rolls her eyes ) Only a Claire witch can open this tomb. ( He walks toward her and hands her the athame, handle-end first. She looks at it for a moment before taking it. When we catch up with them, they've just entered the tomb, which is full to the brim of artifacts and materials with which to practice witchcraft ) Davina: ( looks around in wonder ) Where did you get all this stuff? Kol: Well, I was a vampire. I could get anything I wanted. I couldn't practice witchcraft, so, I charmed some witches, and I taught them a new kind of magic that I learned in Arabia called Kemiya. We made items that allowed me to use magic without doing magic. ( He starts pulling boxes off of a shelf, and Davina suddenly makes the connection ) Davina: You taught them how to make dark objects. Kol: Yeah. And, for a time, they were scattered all around this city. ( He opens a small wooden box ) I can't for the life of me find where they are now, but... I've got the one that matters. ( Davina, remembering that Father Kieran/Cami have a stockpile of dark objects, gulps nervously ) Davina: What is it? Kol: It's not about what it is, it's about what it could be. You want to take down Klaus, right? ( Davina nods ) I've wanted one thing for years... ( He holds up one of the white-oak-ash daggers that he has found in a box ) ..to drive a dagger into his heart, like he's done to me so many times. Davina: Those daggers don't work on Klaus. Kol: Smart girl. ( He puts the dagger into the wooden box and closes it ) With a little practice, and some trust, we'll fix it so this one will. We'll put him in a box, but, seeing as he won't be entirely dad, your friends will be safe. ( Davina looks interested ) So, what d'you say? ( Davina looks at Kol, a small smile on her face ) [ PERSERVATION HALL ] ( A jazz band is playing inside of Preservation Hall, where Cami is dancing as she watches. After a moment, Vincent/Finn returns with two beers in his hands. He gives her one ) Cami: Thank you! ( She looks around at the huge crowd ) This is amazing! Finn: I developed an appreciation for the music after I moved here. I never had a taste for it before. ( He takes a sip of his beer and makes a face, which makes Cami smile ) Cami: I see you're still developing your taste for beer! ( Finn laughs and shrugs ) My mom said beer wasn't lady-like, so I learned to love it as an act of rebellion. What about you? Snobby mom? Distant dad? Spill! Finn: Well, my mother and I are quite close. She made so many sacrifices for us. Now, anything she asks seems negligible in comparison. ( Cami smiles. Their conversation is interrupted when Cami's phone rings ) Cami: I'm so sorry, can you hold this? ( She hands FInn her beer and digs her phone out of her purse ) Oh, I have to take this! My friend is covering my shift. I'll be right back, I'm so sorry! ( Cami sets her purse down on a nearby table and heads away from the crowd to answer her phone. Finn watches her protectively from where he's standing, but after a moment, his view is blocked by a man who is heading for the crowd. When he moves out of his eye-line, Cami has vanished. Concerned, Finn heads outside to look for her, but when he leaves the hall, he hears Cami screaming and turns down the alley. He finds Cami flat on her back, being attcked by someone who is bending over her ) Finn: HEY! ( Cami's attacker turns toward Finn. Their hood is up, but their glowing yellow eyes indicate that it is a werewolf. Finn runs toward them, but the werewolf leaps onto the roof of the next building, so he instead kneels next to Cami to make sure she's okay. Her neck is bleeding, and she's hyperventilating. The hooded attacker whistles at Finn, and he stands to get a better look at them before they take off again. When Finn goes to return to Cami, she's vanished again, leaving him frantic ) [ THE BAYOU ] ( Klaus and Ansel are sitting across from each other as a campfire burns between them. Ansel is using his long Knfe to cut the merlock orchids ) Klaus: I've always seen a blade to have a very different use. Ansel: Mikael taught you to kll, Klaus. But, you were born to create. Power lies in embracing your true nature. Klaus: You think I should accept my mother's offer? Sacrifice my vampirism? And then what? Become a florist? Ansel: ( smiles ) You wouldn't be sacrificing anything. As a wolf, you'll be king to an entire species. ( Klaus seems tempted, despite his best efforts ) You would feel at true peace. And you'll be a better father. Klaus: ( becomes angry ) I am no longer a father. ( Klaus stands and walks away from the campfire, but Ansel continues talking ) Ansel: In our animal form, we feel everything more acutely. ( Klaus stops and listens, though he does not face him ) When you were a boy, after each full moon, I would wake closer to your village, having been drawn to you in the night. Since I've been back, each month when I turn, I wake further from New Orleans. I know the call of my own blood, Klaus. ( Shocked, Klaus turns toward him, afraid of what he's about to say ) I know your child is still alive. ( Klaus glares at his father suspiciously, still in shock at this revelation ) [ VINCENT/FINN'S OFFICE ] ( Vincent/Finn is on the phone with Aiden as he sits on his couch, surrounded by lit candles on the coffee table ) Finn: ( furious ) It was a wolf bite! ( He angrily throws a handful of sand onto the table ) Who broke rank? Aiden: I'll knock some heads together and find out. Finn: ( draws symbols into the sand with his finger ) I'll know where Camille is shortly. You'll meet me there. Come alone, because your wolves can't be trusted. ( Finn hangs up on him. When Aiden hangs up his own phone, we see that he is in St. Anne's Church as he walks toward Josh, Cami, and Hayley, who are sitting on the sacristy ) Aiden: Well, he bought it. His locator spell will bring him here without the bodyguards. ( Hayley bites her wrist and drips her blood into a golden cup used for communion while Cami watches her, her neck still bleeding ) Cami: I always thought having a woman's mouth on my neck would be more erotic. Hayley: ( chuckles ) You'll heal fast. Let's get all these lights off. ( Hayley hands Cami the cup of her blood, which she drinks to heal her wound ) Hayley: Here you go. ( Aiden walks across the room to snuff out the candles, and Josh follows him so they can talk privately ) Aiden: We're so going to hell for this. Josh: ( laughs ) Yeah, well, you get used to it. ( Aiden can't help but laugh as well ) Hey, I know this isn't your ideal Friday night. I'm sure you'd rather be, like, doing push-ups, or drinking beers with your bros, or whatever. Aiden: Eh, it's not so bad. ( The two smile at each other. Back on the sacristy, Hayley and Cami are still talking ) Cami: Okay, tell me the plan one more time. Hayley: Aiden's gonna get Vincent to the altar, and then I'm gonna jump him. He's powerful, though, so we only have a few seconds to get the shackles on him. Cami: Where's Marcel? Hayley: He's looking for Davina. He heard she was back in town. Cami: Overprotective dad stuff? Hayley: If you want to call ripping Kol Mikaelson into a thousand little pieces "protective dad stuff," then, yeah. That's it. ( Cami laughs and blots the blood off her neck with a towel ) [ CLAIRE CRYPT ] ( Kaleb/Kol and Davina are still going through all of the materials in the tomb. He snaps his fingers, and classical music starts to play on the record player, which makes Davina smile ) Kol: The hunters who forged the Originals' daggers to take out my family didn't know that Klaus was part-werewolf... not vulnerable to silver. ( Davina picks up the dagger and looks at it, so Kol comes over and takes it from her ) Now, it's impossible to replicate the spell cast on the dagger. Trust me, I've tried. ( He puts the dagger back into the box ) But, it's not impossible to change the dagger itself. Kemiya allows witches to destroy one element to create another. Say, changing silver to gold, for example. Davina: So, you've been hanging out with me this whole time because you don't have enough power on your own? Kol: No! Kemiya's about... it's about chemistry. It's about connection. And, after what happened with the white oak stake, I don't think you can deny what we have. ( He holds out his hand, which has a large diamond laying in his palm ) So, here. Hold my hand. Davina: ( steps toward him ) That's a huge diamond. Kol: ( holds the diamond up ) It's a paragon diamond. You use them to conduct power. ( He lays the diamond back in his palm and holds his hand out toward her ) Davina: Is the hand-holding really necessary? Kol: I mean, we could make out, but then, that'd be entirely distracting. ( Davina sighs and reluctantly holds Kol's hand. He holds out his other hand, which holds a length of rope, so she takes the other end of the rope in her free hand ) Kol: Alright, follow my lead. Close your eyes. ( She closes her eyes ) Elochia jael halydeen. Elochia jael halydeen. ( After a moment, Davina joins him in chanting the spell. Kol lets go of Davina's hand with the hand that holds the diamond, and slowly slips down and grasps her elbow. The rope suddenly catches on fre, and they stop chanting and stare at each other in surprise ) ( Kol moves his hand to her shoulder, and lets go of the rope before he can burn his hand. Davina is so distracted by him leaning closer to her that the burning rope singes her hand, and she drops it onto the floor. They both then kneel and look at the ground, where they find a rope made of gold laying in place of the regular rope they just spelled. He fastens the length of gold around her wrist, and Davina smiles ) Kol: To replace the one I broke. Davina: ( whispers in awe ) We changed it. Kol: Well, Davina Claire, we're going to change everything. ( Davina stares at him, charmed ) [ THE BAYOU ] ( Klaus and Ansel are still by the campfire they made, where Ansel has just finished preparing the merlock orchid roots for Elijah. He puts the poultice in a handkerchief and gives it to Klaus ) Ansel: This will help Elijah. ( He turns away, but Klaus calls out to him, and he turns back with interest ) Klaus: Ansel. I'd be lying if I said your offer wasn't appealing. I've never known a parent to be a benevolent force. I think I would have liked to have been your son. But, a different path was chosen for me, and I have, for the past one thousand years, been son of Mikael. Paranoid. Vengeful. And, powerful enough to protect my daughter. Ansel: ( clasps the back of Klaus' head affectionately ) I want to help you defend her. Klaus: ( near-tears ) I believe you. But, love is what Esther twists. She will take the best of your intentions, and she will use them to get to my little girl. ( He takes Ansel's hand in his own and clasps it tightly ) You waited too long before you came to rescue me. ( He brushes past Ansel and stops ) I won't make the same mistake with Hope. ( Klaus picks up Ansel's blade, and Ansel turns toward him, confused and hurt ) Ansel: No. ( Klaus walks toward him ) No, Klaus. I know you. You are not capable of this. Klaus: That's the first lie you've told me. ( Ansel looks at Klaus sadly, and after a moment, Klaus slashes at him with the blade, slicing Ansel's chest open in a diagonal line. Ansel gasps, staggering forward, and Klaus looks horrified at what he's just done. He steps forward and catches his dying father in his arms, slowly lowering his body onto the ground. Ansel, still shocked, caresses Klaus' cheek with his hand before he finally dies. Klaus, overwhelmed, starts to cry, but quickly steels himself ) [ CLAIRE CRYPT ] ( Davina lays down on a nearby futon while Kaleb/Kol puts away his paragon diamond in a small velvet pouch ) Davina: Well, it's late. I should get going. Kol: I suppose you'll be wanting to get back to Marcel's. Davina: I lied to him about you. I'll probably go back to the attic. Kol: Voluntarily returning to the jail cell where they locked you up. ( He walks toward her and sits down next to her on the futon ) You must have been lonely all that time. A witch needs a coven, even if it is just two. Davina: When can we work on the dagger? Kol: Soon. We have some more work to do with each other, first. ( He grabs her jean jacket and spreads it over Davina like a blanket ) You're gonna like me, Davina Claire. I'm happy to let you pretend a while that you don't already. ( Davina stares at Kol curiously ) [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] ( Vincent/Finn catches up with Aiden, who is waiting for him in the alley near the church ) Aiden: I staked it out. It looks like a couple of Oliver's friends wanting to avenge his death. Finn: Where's Cami? Aiden: She's, uh, she's tied up near the altar. Hey, you bee-line for her, I'll handle the rest of them, alright? ( Aiden turns to go, but Finn stops him ) Finn: Aiden? Your brother was among the recruits that Oliver rescued, was he not? ( Aiden gapes at him, unable to respond. Suddenly, Finn telekinetically throws him through the front doors of St. Anne's. Aiden slides down the aisle, slamming into a pew and knocking himself out. Josh, unable to help himself, vamp-speeds toward Aiden to make sure he's okay, not noticing right away that Finn is storming down the aisle after him. Josh freezes in fear as Finn spreads his arms wide, lighting all of the candles and turning on all of the lights of the church. Josh stands in a defensive position, but Finn easily snaps his neck with a flick of his wrist. ) Finn: ( continues to walk down the aisle ) Camille! CAMILLE! ( Hayley appears out of nowhere behind Finn and tackles him to the ground. Finn tries to crawl away ) Hayley: First, I'm going to kick your ass. Then, I'm going to take my pack back. Finn: ( laughs weakly ) Your pack? Last I checked, your pack was blindly following me. Hayley: You wanna talk about following? How do your mother's boots taste? ( Hayley kicks Finn in the face, splitting his lip, but he continues to laugh ) Finn: What have you done with Cami? ( Hayley laughs sarcastically and shrugs, so Finn telekinetically throws her down the aisle while he gets to his feet ) Finn: Hybrids die by losing their head or their heart. And, given the choice, I'm going to take the organ that got you into this mess in the first place. ( He chants unintelligibly and makes a fist with his hand as he walks toward Hayley. Suddenly, Hayley clutches her chest as she starts to spit up blood. The front of her shirt has a bloody stain on the front of it where he's starting to rip out her heart ) ( Suddenly, an arrow pierces Finn through his shoulder from behind, and he screams out in pain. He turns to see Jackson, with Ansel's bow and quiver of arrows, jumping down from the balcony. He sht another arrow into Finn's thigh, causing Finn to crawl up to the sacristy to get away from them. Out of nowhere, a healed Cami appears and slams the manacles onto his wrists. He gapes at her, clearly feeling betrayed. He tries to fight back with magic, but the manacles are blocking him ) Cami: You would have done the same thing to me, Finn. ( Finn, completely stunned, stares at his hands and starts to process what just happened. Down the aisle, Jackson has rushed over to Hayley to check on her ) Jackson: Are you okay? ( He brushes her hair off her face with his hand ) I'm so sorry I made you wait. Hayley: Your timing was pretty awesome, actually. ( She laughs in relief to be alive, which makes Jackson laugh, too ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND / ELIJAH'S DREAM ] ( Klaus arrives back home and heads straight for Elijah's room, where he is still sleeping fitfully. He takes out the handkerchief Ansel gave him, and starts smearing the poultice onto Elijah's neck ) Klaus: ( quietly ) We were innocent once, Elijah. ( Klaus' voice ontinues to echo into Elijah's dream, where Young Elijah is still running around the forest. He falls to his knees in the clearing, exhausted. In the present day, Klaus continues treating Elijah's wounds ) Klaus: This bloodlust was forced upon us by our parents, turning us from prey to predator. ( In Elijah's dream, Adult Elijah, still splattered in blood, stares at Young Elijah. Suddenly, modern-day Klaus appears in the woods before Young Elijah and grips his shoulder comfortingly ) We're the demons lurking in shadow. We are the savage villains in fairy tales taught to children. But, not for my child. Not for Hope. In her stories, we are knights in shining armor. Without you by my side, I don't think I can survive my own love for my daughter. I need you. I need you, brother. The monster in me can only be challenged by the monster in you. ( In the dream, Klaus echoes, "By the monster in you" ) Only together can we fight our demons and save our family. ( In the dream, Klaus hands Young Elijah a stake before he leaves. Thunder and lightning crashes overhead as he sees Adult Elijah standing nearby, staring at him. Adult Elijah lunges for him, but Young Elijah yells at the top of his lungs as he stakes him in the heart, causing Elijah to finally wake up with a gasp. They're both shocked to see the other, but after a moment, Klaus smiles at him ) [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] ( Jackson is lighting candles at the altar when Hayley finds him ) Hayley: We put Vincent in the back of Josh's car. Jackson: Is Aiden alright? Hayley: Mmm, some ice and bourbon and he'll be fine. ( she pauses ) How did you know where to find us? Jackson: I spent a lot of time tracking you when I was a wolf. ( He smiles ) Call it animal instinct. ( He's about to leave when Hayley stops him ) Hayley: Jack... Jackson: Oh, Oliie used to give me so much hell for waiting on you. Girls came and went... I always knew you'd come. See, our parents had been so sure that you and I could change things for the better. Hayley: Jack, the girl that you were waiting on was Andréa Labonair, mythic revolutionary. You got Hayley Marshall, a knocked-up tomboy with a bad attitude. You got dealt a crappy hand. ( She laughs, but Jackson looks pensive ) Jackson: Yeah, you're right. You're not the girl I waited for. ( He walks toward her so they're nearly nose-to-nose ) You're better. ( He smiles at her, unsure of what to do, before he takes off for the Bayou ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Klaus enters Elijah's bedroom, where he's getting dressed in his usual suit and tie. He's holding a leather-bound notebook in his hands, and looks as though he wants to say something. After a moment, Elijah turns toward him ) Elijah: What is it? Klaus: ( hesitates ) I spent the day with my father. My real father. ( Elijah looks stunned speechless, and sits down on his bed ) Esther brought him back from the dad, believing he could convince me to renounce vampirism. ( Klaus looks torn as he approaches his brother ) The thought of what I could be, had I been raised by him. Had I been nurtured. This was his. ( He hands Elijah the notebook, and he opens it to find a sketch of a much younger Klaus inside ) He knew about Hope. ( Elijah immediately shuts the notebook and rises to his feet, shocked once again ) I wanted to trust him more than anything in the world. I- I wanted to, but... ( He trails off, unable to put into words what he did and what he feels ) I couldn't be sure. And, I would never forgive myself if something happened to her because of my selfish desire for a father. So, I klled him. Without hesitation. I klled him. Elijah: ( pauses for a moment to think ) You klled him for Hope. ( He walks until he's face-to-face with Klaus and hands him the notebook ) And whatever innocence remains, we must protect at any cost. ( Elijah puts a hand on the back of Klaus' head comfortingly, and Klaus starts to cry ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Lenore/Esther returns to the crypt where she was keeping Elijah to find Ansel, dad and hung up on hook in the middle of the candle-filled room. Esther gasps in horror and falls to the floor, sobbing at the top of her lungs ) [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] ( Kaleb/Kol carries Davina into the attic and lays her down on the bed. The stake is clearly poking out of her purse, and he stares at it. Before he can take it, Marcel appears in the doorway, scowling at him ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Elijah is finishing getting dressed, putting the finishing touches on his tie while he looks at himself in the mirror. As he buttons up his jacket, he notices that his hands are shaking, and he takes a deep breath to steady himself. He leans against his dresser and wipes his brow as he gets a flashback to attacking Tatia in the 10th century, and bringing her corpse to Esther to take care of ) [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] ( Davina awakens in her bed, confused as to how she got there. She spots the bracelet on her wrist and smiles as she remembers making it with Kaleb/Kol. When she looks around, both Kol and Marcel are gone, and the stake is no longer in her bag. She frowns, horrified at this development ) [ ROUSSEAU'S ] ( Cami is at the bar, drinking a tumbler of scotch when someone walks into the restaurant ) Cami: ( doesn't bother looking at who it is ) Sorry, we're closed. Lenore/Esther: That's too bad. I hear you serve the best sasurak in town. ( Cami looks up and is instantly frightened at the sight of Esther approaching her. She quickly backs away from her ) Camille, right? My sons have taken quite the liking to you. ( She raises a hand toward Cami, holding the bundle of herbs from earlier, and Cami gasps ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Klaus is leaning against a chair in Elijah's room, talking to Elijah, who is standing on the balcony ) Klaus: How do you feel? Elijah: The worst has past. Though, I suspect the nightmares are far from over. Klaus: Well, gather your strength. After the message I sent Mother tonight, I expect hellfire to rain upon us imminently. Elijah: ( approaches him ) We need to make a move before she strikes. ( Suddenly, Marcel and Hayley appear in the doorway ) Marcel: Well, actually, moves were made while you were sleeping. Hayley: ( smiles ) It's good to see you vertical. Marcel and I each left a gift for you in the ballroom. ( Klaus looks at them curiously ) You're welcome? ( Klaus looks at Elijah, who gestures toward the door ) Marcel: ( whispers ) You're welcome. ( Downstairs, they arrive in the ballroom, where Klaus and Elijah find both Finn and Kol, each wearing the enchanted manacles, which are suspending them from the balcony by their wrists. Klaus and Elijah look very pleased ) Kol: ( incredulous ) Kidnapping? That's a rather unpleasant way to begin a family reunion! Klaus: ( grins ) Well, wait until you see how we end it! [ END ]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x07 - Chasing The Devil's Tail"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Klaus: I assume I have the misfortune of speaking to my mother. Esther: I have come to heal our family. Klaus: She'd prefer to place us all in new bodies. Esther: Take the body of a mortal and all be happy again. It is time you bring Camille in. There's no need for this. Esther: My sons have taken quite the liking to you. [Chanting] Marcel: Proud werewolves on a witch's leash. I hope those rings you're wearing are worth it. Kol: You're gonna like me, Davina Claire, and I'm gonna let you pretend a while that you don't already. Esther: When he wakes, he'll make his own decision. Klaus: You declared wr when you came after my family. You don't understand. Marcel: Slap them on a witch, can't do magic as long as they're on. Kol: Kidnapping. Rather unpleasant way to begin a family reunion. Klaus: Well, wait until you see how we end it. [ PARK / MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (At a park in an unknown location, children are playing football and playing on the playground as mothers push their children in strollers. Nearby, Rebekah smiles as she gently pushes Hope on an infant swing) Klaus: (V.O.) We arrive into this world as innocents. Wide-eyed. Vulnerable. It is the job of our parents to nurture and protect us. Unfortunately, our own parents failed miserably at even the most basic of parental tasks. But, we are not beholden to the past they created for us. (The camera cuts to the MIKAELSON MANSION, where Klaus and Elijah are having breakfast in the dining room with Kaleb/Kol and Vincent/Finn, who are still bound with their enchanted manacles that prevent them from doing magic. Compelled servants in suits place platters of breakfast pastries on the table) Klaus: Today, a new future awaits. Forget your animosity toward Elijah and myself. Instead, join us against she who truly deserves your ire: our mother. (Kol rolls his eyes, and Finn just looks bored) Do this, and we will welcome you with open arms! Kol: Well... (He reaches for a plate of pastries with his shackled hands, but Klaus pulls it out of his way. Kol sighs and rolls his eyes again) Klaus: But, if you continue to oppose us, a denial of pastries will be the least of your concerns! Kol: (sighs) If all you wanted was my allegiance against Mother Dearest, you should have said so! Save me a night shackled to the wall. Elijah: Yes, this was Niklaus. My recommendation was to remove your limbs, one by one, until you comply. Klaus: (laughs and stands up) We've... we've no desire to trture you. (He stands behind Kol and Finn and squeezes their shoulders with his hands) Provided you vow to stand beside us! Finn: (shrugs out of Klaus' grip) Brothers... Does that word even apply to us? After all these centuries of betrayal? (He glances backward at Klaus) And, has loyalty to you ever rewarded? If so, tell me, Niklaus, where is our sister, Rebekah? (Elijah glares at Finn as he continues speaking in voiceover. The camera cuts back to Rebekah at the park, still playing with Hope) Finn: (V.O.) She was blindly loyal to you for a thousand years, and now? Nowhere to be found. (The scene returns to the compound at the breakfast table) Where did our sister go? And, how did she escape your vile machinations? (Klaus, whose back has been turned to him, is clearly nervous and suspicious, but laughs fakely to cover for it before he turns to face them) Klaus: Heh! You think me vile? What, then, do you make of the one who cursed us? Finn: (frustrated) She was trying to make you mortal again! (Elijah grabs a Knfe off the table, clearly suspicious and annoyed by Finn's words) And, you both refused her. (He laughs darkly) It only proves how far you've fallen. But, I expect Rebekah will have a different response to her proposal. (At the park, Rebekah turns and sees a starling watching her from the nearby playground) See, unlike the two of you, she always did cling to her humanity. Elijah: (angry) Rebekah is off-limits to you. You pursue her, and you will suffer. (Finn and Kol both look surprised by Elijah's outburst, as does Klaus) Klaus: Do not let him goad you, Elijah. Neither he, nor Esther, will find Rebekah unless she wants to be found. (He turns to Finn) And she does not. Finn: Esther is quite determined. (At the park, Rebekah looks incredibly unnerved by the starling. When she turns back again, an entire flock of starlings have perched themselves on the playground, all of them watching her. She looks horrified) She's been searching for Rebekah since the day she returned. I imagine it's only a matter of time. (Elijah completely loses his temper, grabs Finn by the collar, and slams him onto the table before vamping-out and feeding on him) [ CREDITS ] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Upon returning to the scene, Klaus has pulled Elijah away from Finn and shoves him against a nearby wall. Elijah puts his hands up defensively, so Klaus backs off and pulls Elijah's handkerchief out of his pocket so he can clean up) Klaus: I enjoy a good blood-letting as much as anyone, but our brothers have power, as well as knowledge of Esther's plans. (Elijah wipes the blood off his face while he listens) We need them alive. Elijah: (whispers) Imagine what they would do to Rebekah. To Hope. Klaus: Rebekah has been cloaked by powerful magic. Focus on the task at hand. (He lowers his voice) We need to persuade our brothers. Elijah: I'm through with persuasion. (Elijah is about to leave, but Klaus grabs him by the shoulder and stops him) Klaus: Has the earth shifted on its axis? You needing restraint from me? (Elijah looks taken aback, but he's distracted when his phone rings. He pulls it out of his pocket and answers it when he sees its Rebekah) Rebekah: (frantic) It's me. I have the baby, and we're on the run. Esther found us. We're safe, for now... I've lost her bloody starlings, but I have no idea where to go. Klaus: Tell her to head west. I'll call Hayley. Rebekah: (yells) Do not tell Hayley! Esther's too smart for that. The only advantage that we have is that she thinks the baby died. Text me the plans. (She gets into her car with the baby. Elijah hangs up with a sigh) Elijah: Go. I'll take care of Kol and Finn. Klaus: (annoyed) Splendid. And, in your hands, I assume they'll be dad by nightfall. Elijah: I will show restraint. Hope needs her father. Klaus: What she needs... what we need are allies to help us defeat our mother. Finn and Kol must be turned to our side. Without their help, there will be nowhere left for Hope to run. Elijah: Niklaus, your child... Klaus: (interrupts him) I have waited months to see my daughter. (He swallows, clearly unhappy with this plan) I can wait one more day. (Elijah looks at him sympathetically before he gets ready to leave) Klaus: Elijah. Do whatever it takes to keep her safe. Elijah: I give you my word. [ THE BAYOU ] (Hayley, Jackson, and Aiden are outside of Jackson's trailer, discussing their current problems) Aiden: The wolves are freaking out. They know it had to be an insider who took down Vincent last night, seeing as no one could have been anywhere near him. Jackson: Did anyone suspect it was you? Aiden: (shakes his head) No, not yet. But, they're gonna figure it out, which pretty much means I'm screwed unless we come up with a plan. Hayley: Call a meeting. The whole pack, tonight. If they're so scared, now's the perfect time to convince them they need to ditch Esther. Aiden: (holds up the hand that wears his ring) She gave them moonlight rings. Hayley: Well, those rings make you slaves. Aiden: No! They make us powerful. We were exiles before, but now we run the city! The vampires are scared of us, and nobody, including me, is just gonna walk away from that because... Jackson: (stands and approaches Aiden) Set the damn meeting. (Jackson walks away. Hayley gives Aiden a look before she catches up with him near the dock of the pond, where he has just opened a can of beer) Hayley: So, are you gonna work on a rousing speech, or just get day-drunk? Jackson: Little bit of both. Hayley: (snatches the beer from him) Jack, it's ten A.M. (Jackson turns away from her and goes to lean against the boat house. Next to him is a small table covered in books, and he grabs a brown, leather-bound journal off of the top of a pile) Jackson: You know, for months, I wrote down every single word Ansel said. The entire history of our people. If only I'd known he was Klaus' father, I would have asked him a hell of a lot more. You know, I was up all night looking through this, trying to find something, anything that will help me figure out how to get our people back together. (He tosses the book back onto the table) Hayley: Let me guess... no such luck? Jackson: (sighs) Nothing viable. And now, Ansel's dad... along with Ollie. So, forgive me if I need a beer, 'cause right now, I can use all the help I can get. (Jackson grabs his drink and walks away. Once he's out of sight, Hayley surreptitiously grabs the brown leather journal so she can read it) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Marcel, Josh, and Davina are in Marcel's living room, where Davina is in the middle of catching them up) Davina: I screwed up, you guys. I was with Kaleb last night, and he took the white oak stake when I was asleep. (Josh closes his eyes and sighs before giving Marcel a knowing look) I-I'm sorry, I never should have trusted him. Marcel: Kol doesn't have the stake. Klaus does. (Davina looks confused and upset) Matter of fact, Klaus has Kol, too. Davina: Wha...? How is that possible? Marcel: D, I'm the one who took him. (Davina looks angry) I saw an opportunity, and I wasn't gonna pass it up. Trust me, we are all safer this way. Davina: Not Kaleb! Klaus will kll him! Marcel: His name isn't Kaleb, it's Kol. And, Klaus has had a thousand years to kll him, and he hasn't. So, worry less about him, and more about yourself. Alright? This guy is not your friend. He wants to use you to get his own way! Davina: (angry) You don't know him like I do. Marcel: I know him better than you do. (Marcel stands and walks toward Davina, while Josh leans back in his chair, clearly uncomfortable) Now, I'm sorry I had to go behind your back. And I hate lying to you, I really do, but believe me, this is for your own good. (He pauses) I gotta take care of some business, alright? Stick with Josh. Everything's gonna be okay. (Marcel grabs his coat off of a nearby chair and leaves. Davina continues standing in front of where Josh is sitting, not at all happy about this development) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Kol and Finn are still in the dining room, wearing their enchanted manacles. They talk while Finn holds a towel to his neck where Elijah bit him) Kol: Elijah is off his bloody rocker. We need to get out of here. (He looks at Finn, who is silent) Are you gonna help me, or what? Finn: If you were a little more clever, you would recognize that there is opportunity in our current circumstances. Kol: Opportunity to what? Get a beating? (Suddenly, the doors open, and Klaus walks in to join them) Klaus: Gentleman! I apologize for keeping you waiting. Good news is, I've returned with an old friend. Someone who wants to say hello. (Kol and Finn watch as Marcel follows Klaus into the room, looking pleased) Marcel: (smiles widely) Hello! (Finn rolls his eyes and sighs) How's it going, fellas? Kol: Ah, you again. You ever get bored of getting bullied by my brother? Marcel: (chuckles and takes off his jacket) Oh, I volunteered for this. Kol: Did ya? Marcel: The way I see it, you have it coming. (He shoves Kol roughly in the chest) First, you messed with Davina. (He continues pushing Kol backward) Now, I hear you wanna drag Rebekah into all this. Uh-uh. Not happening. Klaus: Well, I'd prefer you both to join me against our mother. But, I'll happily settle for one or the other. Either way, if you continue to defy me, your lives will be reduced to an unending sequence of agonizing trture! (Klaus smiles at them. Kol looks torn and turns to Finn, who maintains his poker face) So, which is it to be? (After the break, Marcel drags Kol by the chains into a room upstairs before he throws him into an armchair) Marcel: I gotta say, I'm gonna enjoy this! Out of the whole, twisted family... (Kol tries to stand up, but Marcel shoves him back down) Sit down... You were the one I liked the least. Kol: (pants anxiously) Yeah, well, there's a pretty young lady who disagrees with that opinion. Marcel: Then let me make myself perfectly clear. You go near Davina, I'm gonna cut off parts of you that you'd rather keep. Kol: (bored) Ah, more thrat. How bloody inventive. Thing is, Klaus needs me. So, that backs you into a bit of a corner, doesn't it? Marcel: Oh, until we get rid of your mom. I wonder what happens then? Kol: Well, Klaus might not need me if my mother's gone, but you might! (Marcel looks confused as Kol leans closer to him) Come on, Marcel. You were king of the city once. Do you really think he's just gonna give it back to you? Marcel: (laughs) You always got an angle, don't you? Kol: You see, individually, we can't do anything. But, together? Wow. Klaus wouldn't stand a chance. Marcel: (sighs) Probably not. (He picks up a Knfe off of a nearby table) But then, I'd have to trust you, and I don't. At least with Klaus, I know exactly what I'm getting. Kol: (shrugs) Well, I thought you had more fortitude, Marcellus. You disappoint me. Marcel: (leans in so he can look Kol in the eye) Nobody cares for your opinion. Klaus just wants to know what you're up to. Tell me everything, and maybe you get to live. (Kol seems uninterested) If not? (Marcel sab Kol in the hand with his Knfe, pinning it to the arm of the chair, as Kol screams in pain) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Josh and Davina are talking in Marcel's living room) Josh: For the record, yes, I knew what Marcel was up to, and you can hate me if you want to, but... Davina: I don't hate you, Josh. I'm just sick of worrying about you. And Marcel. Most of all, I am tired of Klaus always being in the middle of it. (She throws a dart at the dartboard on the wall) You know, every time I try to stand up to him... Josh: (interrupts) It... hasn't worked out so well. (Davina shrugs in annoyance) Yeah, failure, a party of two? Davina: (smiles) You seem to be doing all right. Josh: Uh, yeah. Except that every werewolf in town is trying to kll me. Well, except for the super-hot one that I'm sort of dating. But, that's got its own problems, though. (Davina smirks, clearly interested in hearing more) It's kind of a... Romeo and Romeo thing. Davina: (pleased) And how hot is this Romeo? Josh: Well... (Josh rolls his eyes jokingly and pulls out his phone so he can show Davina a photo of Aiden) Davina: Pretty hot! Definitely worth the drama! Josh: Yeah... (Davina suddenly gets an idea) Davina: Invite him over! (Josh looks at her in confusion) Yeah, I wanna meet him! (Josh still looks unsure) Come on, do it! [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus wanders into the ballroom, where Finn has once again been suspended by his wrists. Klaus has a roll of trture implements in his hands) Klaus: Do you think our mother is even the least bit concerned for your wellbeing? (Klaus pulls out a large Knfe and tests out how sharp it is) Finn: (weak) She knows I don't need rescuing. Klaus: (holds up his Knfe to Finn for his input) Hmm? (Finn remains silent, so Klaus shrugs and puts the Knfe down in favor of a different one) Eh. Finn: You can toy with me all you want, Niklaus, but you've had innumerable opportunities to kll me. Klaus: (points a sharp tool at him) But, I didn't, did I? (Finn smiles weakly, and Klaus puts down the tool) Finn, I understand your devotion to her. She must have clung to you with desperate need after our sister Freya died, making you believe it was your responsibility to care for her. Always and forever, mmm? A burden which you accepted without question, because you were a good son. Small children lack the capacity to question their parents, but you're a man, now, Finn. Finn: Is that the extent of your argument? I'm a man, now, so I should join your wretched cause? Klaus: Is it not better to join me, then spend the remainder of your mortal life aligned to a woman who always manipulated you? Brother, I offer you the opportunity to free yourself! Side with me, and I will give you the life she never once offered, a chance to choose your own path! (Finn remains silent) The choice is yours, brother! (Klaus exits the room, leaving Finn to consider Klaus' offer) [ THE BAYOU ] (Jackson is chopping firewood near his trailer when Hayley finds him) Hayley: You wanna stop playing mountain-man and explain why you kept this from me? (She holds up the brown leather journal, and Jackson sighs before dropping his axe) Why don't I jog your memory? (She starts to read from the journal) "The werewolves' power can be traced back to the myth of the Unification Ceremony, a ritual that bestowed certain unique abilities onto every member of the pack." (Jackson looks guilty, but remains silent) Do you believe this? Jackson: I didn't at first. And then Ansel swore he saw it with his own eyes. And then he dies, and I found out he was resurrected from a thousand years ago, which means he was alive to see it! Hayley: How did I not know about this? Jackson: You didn't grow up out here. Yeah, every kid grows up hearing the stories. Back in the day, werewolf bloodlines were all distinct, right? Some had speed, some had strength, some could sense enemies from miles away. Now, to evolve, we would perform a ritual. A shaman would marry the alphas of each bloodline, and then the special abilities of each would be... inherited, mystically, by everyone who participated in the ritual. See, after a few centuries, everybody had the same abilities, so alpha marriages became political. They became about... power, about territory. Hayley: (considers this information for a moment) But I have a unique ability. Because I'm a hybrid, I can control when I change! So, if this mystical marriage thing works, then our people get my power, and they can ditch the rings! (Jackson looks torn) Which means Esther no longer has a hold over them! (Jackson nods silently) Jack, this is exactly the answer that we've been looking for! Let's find a shaman, we'll say some vows. Hell, we'll make it a party! Jackson: (unhappy) It ain't just a party. If the vows ain't honored, it doesn't work. (Hayley's face falls when she realizes the implications of this ritual) It's gotta be a real marriage, in every way, for the rest of our lives. Are you up for that? (Hayley looks at though she wants to say something, but can't find the words. Jackson looks hurt) Didn't think so. (He returns to chopping firewood, leaving Hayley alone to think) [ CAMI'S APARTMENT / KIERAN'S SECRET APARTMENT ] (Cami is sleeping in her bed when her phone rings. She looks groggy and groans, rubbing her head as she reaches over to answer it) Cami: Hayley, hey. What's up? Hayley: I need a favor. (The scene cuts over to the secret room in Kieran's old apartment, where Cami and Hayley are looking through Kieran's files. Cami groans again and rubs her forehead as she leans over the desk. Hayley looks at her in concern) Hayley: You sure you're okay? Cami: (sighs) Yeah, I must just be coming down with something. Hayley: I'm sorry to drag you out of bed for this. Cami: (smiles) Please. You just discovered an ancient marriage ritual with pretty drastic supernatural and personal implications. The least I can do is get out of bed. (Hayley smiles back at her) So, this is everything I found in my uncle's files about werewolf ceremonies and rituals. Mostly, it sounds like old folklore and fables. (Hayley nods silently. Cami looks at her sympathetically) But I'm guessing you're not here looking for some kind of proof. Hayley: (shakes her head) I don't know what I'm looking for. Cami: Not to pry, but... does Jackson have any answers? Hayley: He doesn't even want to talk about it. He doesn't even want to put me in this position. He's a good, decent guy, if those even exist anymore. Cami: (smiles) And, I'm assuming he knows about Elijah? Hayley: (shakes her head again) Elijah and I have barely spoken since I became a hybrid. But, still, he is... Cami: Under your skin? (Hayley looks at her knowingly. Cami clears her throat) Well, there is no right answer to this. (She starts to pull her hair back into a ponytail) You just have to figure out what's best for you, and think long and hard about your decision, because you're the one who's going to have to live with it. Hayley: (sighs) No pressure. (Cami turns to start putting the files away, and Hayley notices a vertical line of what looks like small pin-pricks that runs down the length of Cami's spine, which is visible through a small slit in the back of her shirt. Hayley looks worried) Hayley: Hey, what's that on your back? (Cami, concerned, walks over to a nearby mirror and turns so that she can see for herself. She looks at Hayley in horror) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] ("Panama" by Destroyer plays in the apartment as Josh leads Aiden inside to meet Davina) Aiden: Nice music! Girl's got taste! (Davina smiles at him and walks toward him) Josh: Oh, please! That was my call. She wanted Puccini. (Aiden groans jokingly and makes a face, which makes Davina laugh. She holds out her hand to shake his and introduces herself) Davina: You must be Aiden! Super-cool, super-handsome... Aiden: (interrupts her) Werewolf traitor? (Davina's face falls, not sure how to respond. Josh clears his throat) I'm sorry, that was a dumb joke. Davina: (laughs) Hey, I was gonna go order some food. Do you like Thai? Aiden: (looks at Josh, who smiles) Uh, sure! Davina: Great! (She goes upstairs to order the food, leaving Aiden and Josh alone in the living room, both smiling) Aiden: That wasn't planned at all, was it? Josh: Nooope! (He pauses and watches Aiden examine Marcel's record player) Hey, you okay? The werewolf-traitor-thing... is there more trouble with your pack people? Aiden: Guess we'll find out soon enough. I actually called a meeting, tonight, for Hayley and Jackson. So, one way or another, it's all coming to a head. Josh: (nods and walks closer to him) You know, those people look up to you. I mean, trust me, I've seen you in action. You're a badass. (Aiden chuckles) So, just go in there and tell 'em what's what. Aiden: I'm not the alpha. Josh: No, but Jackson is. And, the pack respects both of you. So, if you stand with him, they will listen. One thing I learned from Marcel? Aiden: Hmm? Josh: Loyalty sends a powerful message. Aiden: (smiles) Hmm. Josh: And hey, look, if you, uh, get nervous, or, like, need a vote of confidence or whatever? Just remember that, uh, I think you're pretty amazing. (Josh reaches out and straightens the collar of Aiden's shirt as the two smile at each other. After a moment, they start to move in closer to each other, until finally, Aiden reaches up and cups Josh's face in his hand as they kiss for the first time. They continue to kiss gently for a long moment, until they finally pull away, overwhelmingly happy to be with each other) Josh: I'm a little surprised we don't hear clapping right now! Aiden: (laughs) Yeah! Josh: (calls out) Hey, Davina! You can come down, now! (Josh and Aiden turn toward the staircase, but get no response) Davina! [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Davina has sneaked away to the Claire crypt, where she pulls out Esther's grimoire and flips through it before she starts to gather supplies for a spell. She finds several vials of different colored fluids, a large metal bowl, and some dried herbs, and sets them on the table. She crushes the herbs in her fingers and sprinkles them in the bowl with a white, milky-looking fluid. She then holds out her hands above the bowl to start her spell) Davina: (repeats) A verte insiguinae, a tor a ver. (As she chants the spell, the bowl starts to spin itself rapidly until the contents have been thoroughly mixed into a black, sludgey potion. She lifts the bowl and hesitates for a moment before she starts to drink the concoction) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Kol is still in the armchair upstairs, where his hand is still pinned to the arm with a scalpel. He winces as Marcel continues his interrogation) Marcel: Now, we can keep doing this as long as you want. (He yanks the scalpel out of his hand, which causes him to yelp in pain) Or... (He bites into his wrist and forces him to drink his blood) ..I can kll you now, and turn you into a brand-new baby vampire. (Kol's hand starts to heal as Marcel holds the scalpel to his throat thrat) Kol: Go on, do it. My mother's got plans for me, whether I like it or not. If I die, she'll just pop me into another body. Not that my family will care that much if the death was permanent. (Marcel stares at him for a moment before letting Kol go and removing the Knfe. He circles around the chair so he can face him) Marcel: What are you really up to? Hmm? What's it got to do with Davina? Kol: Heh, you think I'm gonna break her little heart? That's downright paternal of you, Marcel. (Marcel loses his temper and thrusts the Knfe in the air, ready to sab Kol with it, when Klaus rushes into the room and intervenes) Klaus: Easy, Marcel! Easy. Let's give Kol a little longer to decide before we lop off his head, hmm? Marcel: Comments like that? He already thinks that you don't care. Klaus: (intrigued) Is that so, brother? Kol: You only daggered me a dozen times. You always cared more for Marcel than you did for me. Klaus: Well, I didn't realize I had hurt your feelings. Kol: Yeah, well, that's the thing, innit, Nik? You don't know squat about me. Klaus: Thanks to Marcel, I know all I need to. (Kol rolls his eyes in frustration) You're desperate to be part of this family, aren't you? (Kol looks down at the floor and remains silent) All of your mischief was just attempts for attention. You know, the truth is, Kol, you're right to feel slighted. I mean that. You're right. But, perhaps there's still time to make it up to you. (Kol looks up at Klaus in surprise, and the two stare at each other) [ THE FRENCH QUARTER / OUT-OF-TOWN DINER ] (Hayley is standing on a street corner near the compound and holds her phone in her hand, unsure of what to do. After a moment, she dials Elijah's number) (Elijah is sitting alone in a booth and pulls his phone out of his jacket pocket when he hears it ring. When he sees that it's Hayley, he smiles to himself. He then notices a man sitting at the bar, staring at him as his phone continues to ring. Unnerved, Elijah ultimately ignores the call) (Hayley sighs and rolls her eyes when the call goes to voicemail, and she hangs up without leaving a message, looking disappointed) (A waitress comes by to refill Elijah's coffee. He's still suspicious of the man at the bar, and decides to get answers) Elijah: (compels her) Tell me, has there been anyone out of the ordinary today? Waitress: Just you. (Elijah smiles and nudges his mug toward her to top off his coffee. When she goes to pour it, she accidentally spills some on his his wrist and the sleeve of his shirt and jacket) Waitress: (feels guilty) Oh, I am so sorry, let me... Elijah: (unbothered) It's quite all right. Thank you. (The waitress gets the hint and leaves. Elijah dabs at the stain on his sleeve with a napkin, which sends him into flashbacks of his time being tortured by Esther. He remembers his dream of being covered in blood and chasing Hayley down a hallway that ends in a red door, as well as a memory from just after he klled Tatia after he had just turned, where he knelt outside of his family's home, wiping his face with a towel) Esther: ('voiceover/flashback) I told you to clean yourself up. If you were clean, no one would know what you are or what you've done. (In the present, Elijah, still scrubbing at the coffee stain, looks over at the waitress, who is whispering to the suspicious man at the bar. Both of them stare at Elijah, which makes him even more paranoid. He gets more flashbacks to the red door, and the door of his family's home in the late 10th/early 11th century, and becomes even more agitated) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Finn is still suspended by his wrists with his manacles in the ballroom, where Klaus once again returns to continue to try to turn him to his side) Klaus: (holds up the key to his manacles) So, brother, ready to embrace your new life of freedom? Finn: I'm already free, brother. Klaus: (pockets the key) You're aware our mother cares nothing for you? Finn: Niklaus, I assure you, my mother loves me. She loves all of her children. You would not exist without her sacrifice. (Klaus smirks, not believing him, and heads for the door, but he stops when Finn calls out to him) Finn: Do you even know the truth? That she was barren? And she grew so desperate for a family that she begged one of the most powerful witches in history for help. Her sister, Dahlia. Of course, Dahlia's price was high. She agreed to make our mother fertile, but in exchange, she sought the first-born as sacrifice. Having no other choice, our mother gave away our beloved Freya. Klaus: (still in disbelief) Our sister died of plague. Finn: Esther gave her away. Think about that. The pain, the grief. Klaus: (approaches Finn face-to-face) If what you say is true, then death is far too delicate a fate for her. Finn: She loves us more than you realize. Klaus: (angry) And is love the reason she wanted my child dad? Finn: She was trying to protect you from Dahlia's curse! Klaus: (shouts) 'WHAT CURSE? Finn: Dahlia demanded the first-born of every generation. Had your child lived, she would have paid the price! And, if anyone had tried to protect her, Dahlia would come and destroy us all. (Klaus glares at Finn, who looks almost scared) [ DINER ] (It's nearly dark, now, and Elijah is still sitting at his booth as the waitress from earlier slowly walks past him. After a moment, Rebekah walks into the restaurant, with Hope in her baby carrier. Elijah immediately stands when he sees her, and she smiles at him. When she makes it to the booth, she sets Hope's carrier on the table, and Elijah smiles widely as he gazes at her. He and his sister share a hug, before he focuses all his attention on his niece. Rebekah sits down while Elijah picks up Hope and holds her) Elijah: (to Hope) Look at you. So big. So perfect. Rebekah: (smiles) Mmm. Elijah: I can't imagine the joy of spending every day with her. It's... Rebekah: ...Quite lovely. It feels so human. Elijah: Yes... some would argue the most human of experiences. Rebekah: (sighs) I know I have to give her back to Hayley when the time is right. But, she's made me realize how much I want that child of my own, that I know I can't have. Elijah: (rocks Hope) It's a lovely dream. Unfortunately, it's one that's just beyond our reach, considering the curse of our existence. Rebekah: Seems Esther's attacking with her usual fervor. Elijah: Yes, Mother tortured me for days with memories I thought I'd buried long ago. (He licks his lips nervously) Then, she made an offer... to make us all mortal again. (Rebekah looks stunned) You see, sister, Mother believes that by placing us in new bodies, we can then reclaim some kind of... purity. We can begin families of our own again. And, I have to confess, Rebekah... this invitation, however cruel in delivery, had a certain... appeal. (Rebekah looks at him sympathetically, and stretches her arms across the table so she can take Elijah's free hand in her own. He continues to gaze at Hope, not noticing when Rebekah spots a smear of blood on the sleeve of his shirt and becomes concerned. He notices her concern and misreads it) Elijah: You needn't worry. We're safe. (Rebekah licks her lips and puts on a fake smile before standing on her feet and grabbing Hope's blanket) Rebekah: Looks like this little one needs her diaper changed! (Elijah stands so he can hand Hope back to her) Rebekah: (to Hope) Here, my love. (She heads toward the bathroom across the restaurant. Rebekah's eyes widen in horror as she notices a smear of blood on the counter while she passes it. There's another bloody smear on the door to the kitchen. The waitress from earlier washes her hands at a nearby sink and has presumably been compelled to ignore the blood, because she seems unbothered by it, nor does she seem to mind that Rebekah is about to enter the kitchen. Rebekah gently kicks open the kitchen door and gasps when she enters sees a dozen bloodied bodies strewn around the room. She turns and shields Hope's face with her blanket to keep her from seeing any of the carnage. Elijah continues to stand near their table with his back to him, oblivious) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus is in the middle of leaving Elijah a voicemail in the courtyard) Klaus: I'm done leaving messages, Elijah. To say that this is urgent would be a gross understatement. We need to speak immediately. (When he hangs up his phone, he senses Davina approaching him and sighs before turning toward her) Klaus: I was wondering whether you would show up. I'm afraid I'm not done torturing your darling Kol. You best run along while you still can. Davina: I'm not going anywhere, Klaus. (Marcel hears Klaus and Davina talking and rushes downstairs to intervene) Marcel: Whoa, D, today is not the day. Davina: Actually, I think it is. (She holds out her hand and twists her wrist, which snaps Marcel's neck and causes him to fall down the stairs. Klaus looks at her, unsure of what to do) Davina: Looks like it's just you and me now. [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] (Jackson is at the sacristy, where he is giving his speech to the Crescents) Jackson: I know you're angry and scared, but we are a pack. No matter what. (One of the werewolves leans stands up to address him) Werewolf 1: You've been checked out for months. Why should we listen to you? Aiden: (stands up) 'Cause he's the alpha! You got a problem with that? (Suddenly, Hayley appears at the door at the back of the room) Hayley: I want to hear what Jackson has to say. (Jackson looks shocked to see her. Hayley walks to the front of the room to join him) Werewolf 1: This is a pack meeting. You're not one of us anymore. Hayley: (faces him and holds out her arms) No? (Suddenly, Hayley's nails start to grow out like claws. Her hands start to transform into wolf paws, and her eyes glow gold. After a moment, she shifts back, and her arms and face go back to her human form) Hayley: I am still a wolf. And, I didn't need any magical rings to control when or how I change. You want the same? Then, sit down, shut up, and listen. (She smiles at them and looks back at Jackson, who looks at her in awe) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus and Davina are still facing off in the courtyard) Klaus: You forget yourself. You're not as powerful as you once were, Harvest girl. Davina: (smirks) Doesn't mean I can't still kick your ass! (She thrusts her hand in front of her and telekinetically throws him across the room. His body flies through the closed double doors and breaks them, shattering them into broken pieces of wood and glass. She stops and confidently walks toward him, but when she gets to where he landed, he has disappeared. Suddenly, he vamp-speeds toward her and throws her down the hall. She screams as she flies toward a wall, hitting her head so hard her forehead starts to bleed as she rolls over and gets to her feet) Klaus: Such hubris! And from one who bleeds so easily. Davina: (panting) You talk such a big game, but you couldn't even kll Mikael when you had the chance! (She laughs darkly) He was right about you, you know? You're weak. (Klaus loses his temper and vamp-speeds toward her. He grabs her by the hair and pulls her head back so he can bite her neck. She screams in pain, but after he drinks a couple gulps of her blood, he starts to choke and gasp until he eventually falls unconscious. Once he is incapacitated, Davina smirks in triumph) (After the break, Davina is still looking at Klaus' unconscious body when Kol sneaks up behind her, somehow freed from his manacles) Kol: (rubs his sore wrists) It's impressive. What exactly did you do to him? Davina: I channeled dark objects through my blood to poison him. (She notices he's no longer shackled) How did you get free? Kol: Oh, it's a long story. Better question is, if he's not dad, then what are you gonna do when he recovers? Davina: We have an hour, maybe less. Enough time to chain him, bleed him, durmp him in the river. Kol: That's a bit harsh, isn't it? Davina: Since when do you care what happens to Klaus? (Marcel suddenly awakens from his snapped neck with a loud gasp. He pulls himself to his feet) Marcel: (rubs his neck) Kol is with us now. We're going to be going up against Esther, assuming Klaus is upright. (Davina looks at Kol, confused and slightly betrayed) Kol: Look, Nik is a pain in the ass, but, well... she's a problem for us all. Davina: (angry) Klaus is the problem! I don't give a damn what happens to Esther. (Cami arrives and joins the conversation) Cami: Yeah, well, I sure do. (She notices Klaus' unconscious body and looks horrified) Should I even ask? (Marcel shrugs and rolls his eyes toward Davina) Davina: Cami, you should go. It's not safe. Cami: No kidding! I woke up with puncture wounds all up and down my spine and no idea how they got there. According to my uncle's files, they're part of this ancient spell, and I don't know about you guys, but when I see ancient and spell in the same sentence, I think Esther. (Davina looks at Cami in concern) [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] (Jackson and Hayley are still arguing their case to the rest of the Crescents, including Aiden) Hayley: You all need help, and you know it. Now, whatever it is that you think of me, I was born a Crescent. I'm the last of the Labonair line, which makes me an alpha. (She looks over at Jackson) Jackson is your alpha. Now, I don't know how many of you bought the story you grew up with, the Unification myth. Well, it is all true. (The crowd starts to whisper among themselves. Jackson looks over at Hayley, confused) Which means... if Jackson and I get married, anyone with the guts to turn up to the ceremony has as much control over their wolf form as I do. (The Crescents start to whisper louder) Jackson: (whispers) Hayley, what are you doing? Hayley: What needs to be done. (They look at each other for a long moment before Hayley turns to address the crowd) This isn't just about uniting our pack. It's about forming a new community. Jackson: (walks toward Hayley and puts an arm around her) This ceremony will change everything for us. It will give us the strength we need to defend ourselves. (In the audience, Aiden looks at his moonlight ring nervously) Then, and only then, can we finally have peace. (Hayley walks down the steps to face the Crescents) Hayley: The choice is yours. Keep the rings and be somebody's bitch, or be part of the greatest pack that ever lived. (The Crescents begin to chatter amongst themselves as Aiden rises to his feet to join Hayley and Jackson at the front of the room) Aiden: (smiles) I'm in! (Jackson grins, happy at this news, and nods at him in confirmation. Aiden takes off his moonlight ring and drops it onto the floor. Hayley smiles at Jackson) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Cami is sitting on a couch, chugging a glass of water, while Davina and Kol examine the puncture wounds on her back. Marcel sits near her) Kol: That's Mom's work, all right. She must have wiped your memory. Cami: Not the first time that's been done by a member of this family. What does it mean? Kol: It's a byproduct of a... preparation spell. Davina: Preparation for what? Kol: To make her a vessel. (Davina and Marcel both look horrified, and Cami looks confused and scared) Marcel: He means Esther prepared your body for someone to jump into. Kol: Likely herself. I mean, knowing Mother. (Marcel looks at him suspiciously. Cami becomes overwhelmed) Cami: Where's Vincent? (Cami goes to the ballroom, where Finn is still hanging from his wrists by his manacles. She storms toward him and immediately smacks him across the face) Cami: Why me? Out of everyone in this city? Finn: (weak) Because you're perfect. Healthy, beautiful, smart... and alone. No one would question any personality changes, and, as I discovered from my sessions, Niklaus would never allow you to be harmed. Cami: (furious) Fix this. Do something to stop it. Finn: (guilty) I can't. Only my mother can. Cami: I will step in front of a moving truck before I let your mother take over my body. Finn: (confused) She wasn't preparing you for herself, Cami. She was preparing you for Rebekah. (Cami's eyes widen in shock. She looks over toward Marcel, who is standing in the doorway) [ DINER ] (Rebekah finally comes out of the bathroom after changing Hope's diaper and returns to the table with Elijah. Hope begins to whine restlessly, alerting Elijah to their return. He stands to help her put Hope back into her carrier) Rebekah: Well, she is all sorted, and ready for an adventure! Aren't you, my love? (Elijah smiles and watches as Rebekah settles Hope into her seat) Elijah: It's difficult to believe we were this innocent once. (He sighs deeply) We mustn't let the world ever hurt her. (Rebekah comes up behind Elijah and watches him suspiciously as she rubs his arm) Rebekah: You're right. We mustn't. (She quickly grabs Elijah by the chin and snaps his neck, allowing him to fall to the floor, unconscious. She sighs and looks overwhelmed) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Cami, Kol, Davina and Marcel are discussing their options in the courtyard) Cami: How long do I have? Kol: Well, now that Esther knows where Rebekah hiding... not long. The only way to stop it is to stop her. Cami: (takes a deep breath) Then, let's do this. Marcel's a vampire, you both are powerful witches. Marcel: (paces) Esther's stronger than anything I've ever seen. We go up against her... (He looks at Davina) ...We're going to need Klaus. Davina: (stands) No. No, we can do this without him! Kol: Uh, I'm never gonna say this again, but Marcel's right: we do need the bastard. (Davina sighs, clearly unhappy, so Cami approaches her and grabs her hands in her own) Cami: Davina, I know this is asking a lot, but please. (Davina, understanding Cami's dilemma, walks over to Klaus' body and kneels by his head. She places her fingertips on his temple and murmurs an unintelligible spell under her breath. Klaus suddenly gasps as he awakens, and rolls onto his side before he begins to pull himself onto his feet) Klaus: (to the others) What did she do to me? Davina: All you need to know is that I bat you. Again. Klaus: And yet, you relented. You need me, don't you? (Davina rolls her eyes and sighs as he smiles) Did I really lose? [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] (The Crescents took off after the meeting, leaving Hayley and Jackson to discuss everything at the altar) Hayley: I'm sorry I sprung that on you. Jackson: You know, I always thought it would be me popping the question instead of being the one put on the spot. (He smiles at her good-naturedly, and she chuckles) Are you sure you want to do this? Hayley: (hesitates) Are you? (The two of them remain silent for a long moment as they stare at each other. Jackson gulps nervously) Jackson: I know you're only doing this to help our people. But, I promise I will be a good husband to you. (Hayley smiles at him, and Jackson rises to his feet, moving in front of her so they are on the same level. He takes her left hand in his and rubs it with his thumb) Jackson: Hayley Marshall, will you marry me? Hayley: (smiles widely and laughs) No ring? (The both start to laugh together as they continue to hold hands) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Kol has grabbed a plate and finally is able to eat all of the breakfast food from earlier. He starts to eat a croissant while he talks to Davina) Kol: Quite nice of you, coming to my rescue like that! Davina: You know, it's a good thing you didn't steal the stake from me. Or I would have been the one torturing you. Kol: Does that mean you trust me, then? (Davina just smiles and gives him a look, which makes Kol chuckle. After a moment, Klaus joins them) Klaus: Provided you're not busy concocting a new paralytic to use against me, I'd like a word with my brother. Davina: Well, to be honest, I can't stand being around you anyway. (Davina leaves, and Klaus can't help but laugh) Kol: For the record, I didn't know a bloody thing about Mother's plan for Cami, I swear. Klaus: Well, I think I can judge for myself which of her schemes she would entrust to you, and which she would not. (He sits across from Kol in an armchair) I believe this was Finn's task. Kol: (leans back against the couch) Where, pray tell, is he now? Klaus: He's waiting uncomfortably for me to return and deliver his punishment. Pass the beignets, will you? Kol: You know, it's only a matter of time before Mother gets bored of waiting for you to let us go. (He hands Klaus the plate of pastries) Klaus: (whispers) Thank you. Kol: Well, Finn, at least. I don't expect she'd care if I never came home. Klaus: (sighs) A mother cares for her children. A monster does not. Once you accept she's the latter, you'll stop expecting the former. And, despite what you might think, Kol, I did mourn you after your death. And, I did attempt to avenge you. I would do nothing less, because we are brothers. Always and forever. (Kol looks overwhelmed, and simply nods in understanding. Suddenly, Klaus' phone rings) Klaus: (smiles) Excuse me. (He steps away from the room to take the call. It's Rebekah, calling from the diner on Elijah's phone) Klaus: Where have you been? Rebekah: Nik, it's me. Something's wrong. Elijah slaughtered a dozen people, whose only sin was their terrible taste in food. I mean, when have you known him to kll when he could otherwise compel? It's the kind of act that will draw our mother's attention. Klaus: (sighs, horrified) Her trture must have affected him more deeply than I'd realized. Where is he now? Rebekah: I broke his neck to keep her safe, but I have no clue what to do next. (Klaus walks purposefully down the stairs) Klaus: Do you recall where we dined the Christmas after we fled Mikael? Rebekah: (confused) Of course... Klaus: (interrupts her) Go there. Now. (He hangs up the phone and heads toward the ballroom where Finn is still bound) Klaus: If you enjoyed last night's activities, then you're in for a treat! Finn: Niklaus, listen to me, our mother may... Klaus: (interrupts) Not another word! No more fairytales about witches and curses. Finn: (confused) If you think it's a fairytale, then why do I see fear in your eyes? Klaus: (unamused) MARCEL! Bring it in. (Marcel comes into the room, dragging Finn's old coffin behind him. Finn desperately pleads with Klaus as he yanks down his chains and drags him toward it) Finn: No! No! No, Niklaus! Klaus: Oh, don't worry, brother! I made some air holes! Small ones. (Klaus lifts Finn by the front of his shirt and throws him into the coffin. Finn begins to scream in fear as they close the lid on him. He begins to pound on the inside of the door as Marcel and Klaus head for the door. Before he leaves, Marcel puts a padlock on the lid to keep it closed) (Klaus is just about to leave the compound when he runs into Hayley, who was on her way inside) Hayley: Klaus, have you seen Elijah? There's something I need to tell you both. Klaus: You can tell me on the way. Hayley: (confused) What? Where are we going? Klaus: (turns toward her) To see our daughter. (They stare at each other for a moment, stunned, until Hayley finally rushes toward him, ready to leave) [ END ]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x08 - The Brothers That Care Forgot"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Klaus: I presume I have the misfortune of speaking to my mother. Esther: I have come to heal our family. Klaus: I'd prefer you both to join me against our mother, but I'll happily settle for one or the other. Esther: It is time you bring Camille in. Marcel: Esther prepared your body for someone to jump into. Finn: She was preparing you for Rebekah. Rebekah: I have the baby, and we're on the run. Esther found us. Elijah: Then she made an offer to make us all mortal again. [Gasps] Elijah: We mustn't let the world ever hurt her. Rebekah: You're right. Davina: Those daggers don't work on Klaus. Kol: It's not impossible to change the dagger itself, so here. Davina: That's a giant diamond. Kol: It's a paragon diamond. Use them to conduct power. Hayley: Klaus, there's something I need to tell you. Klaus: You can tell me on the way. Hayley: Where are we going? Klaus: To see our daughter. [ FLASHBACK - NEW ORLEANS, DECEMBER 1914 ] ( A group of carolers are singing "Carol of the Bells" around a bonfire outside of a large, old home. Mary-Alice Claire and Kol walk through the front gates of the home, and Mary-Alice stops to quickly set a disembodied head of a porcelain doll on the fence, muttering an unintelligible spell under her breath before they head for the porch. Astrid, who is inside, opens the door to let them in ) Kol: ( takes off his gloves ) Alright, darling. ( Astrid hands him a gas lamp with a smile ) You know what to look for. ( The three split up to search the house. Kol searches through a cabinet of porcelain dolls and several jewelry boxes before finally finding a huge diamond being used as a bottle stopper at the bar ) Kol: ( smiles ) You sly old bat. ( Astrid and Mary-Alice join him in the room ) Clean up. Meet me at the cemetery. This little beauty and I have a date with a dagger. ( Kol leaves the home, but is immediately ambushed by Klaus and Marcel, both of whom are dressed in very fine suits and hats, and who each link arms with Kol as they walk on either side of him ) Klaus: You're looking very dapper this evening, Kol! Marcel: Though, gloves without a tail-coat? Unusual, wouldn't you say, Klaus? Klaus: I would! Unless, of course, the gloves are utilitarian in nature... Kol: ( annoyed ) I didn't realize you two lovebirds were so interested in fashion. Klaus: Oh, I can take it or leave it. Mayor Burman, on the other hand, now, his style is impeccable. Especially under present duress. ( Marcel and Klaus stop walking when they reach the outside of the gate, where a young woman in all black is waiting nearby ) You know, he came to me, very concerned about the rash of thefts in the city. So, I put Marcel on it. Marcel: And, after a little digging, I formed a theory as to our culprit. So, we followed our suspect... Klaus: ( picks up where Marcel left off ) And he led us here, to the mansion of the recently-deceased Dowager Folean. You know, she's famous for her collection of rare and priceless jewels. Most notably, of course, the perfect paragon diamond. ( Klaus and Marcel both glare at Kol, who remains silent ) Hand it over, Kol. ( Kol, visibly angry, digs into his pocket and pulls out the diamond before handing it to Klaus ) Klaus: ( examines the diamond ) Hmm. ( He nods at the woman behind him, who reveals herself to be a witch when she starts to chant a spell. She then turns the porcelain doll head on the fence so it is facing toward the house. Suddenly, the door starts to rattle as Mary-Alice and Astrid desperately try to get out ) Klaus: ( to Kol ) Oh, I wouldn't both waiting for them. You see, those women will never leave that house again. Merry Christmas, brother. ( Klaus and Marcel take their leave, while Mary-Alice and Astrid continue to pound furiously against the front door of the mansion ) [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] ( Rebekah is hanging a festive wreath on the front door of their safe house. When she returns inside, she finds Elijah leaning against the fireplace, thinking ) Rebekah: ( cheerful ) Well, isn't this place rather nice! ( She picks up a bottle of wine and examines it ) Nik must have compelled a wine-lover to keep it up, because I found a 2005 bordot! ( She holds it up to show Elijah, but he does not seem pleased ) Fancy a sip? Elijah: I appreciate the sentiment, Rebekah, but I do recognize when I'm being handled with kid gloves. Rebekah: ( sighs and sets down the wine ) How are you feeling? Elijah: ( turns to her ) Patronized! ( They both look down at Hope, who is laying in her play pen, cooing ) I am here to protect you. Rebekah: I know you mean to, Elijah... Elijah: ( interrupts ) And yet, you find it necessary to render me unconscious before bringing me here? Rebekah: Well, you weren't yourself! And I needed to get us out of that diner. What happened back there? Elijah: ( tense ) I don't know. Niklaus sent me to protect Hope. My job is to keep her safe. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Davina and Kaleb/Kol are performing a spell involving a small cauldron full of a potion and a large straw poppet. The two chant together as they dip the poppet into the contents of the cauldron ) Davina & Kol: ( chant unintelligibly ) Davina: It's finished. But, I'm afraid it's not enough to protect Cami's body from Esther's magic. Kol: I might know a way to distract you from your troubled mind? ( Davina smiles and laughs as Marcel joins them ) Marcel: ( unamused ) You can take this seriously, or I can lock you in a coffin like your brother Finn, if you prefer. Kol: No. No, I'd prefer you to bugger off, because this spell needs time to cook in peace. Marcel: Cami doesn't have time. Esther can jump anybody into her body right now. Kol: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but she's not going to jump anybody. She's going to jump Rebekah, who just happens to be miles away. But, fair dues, Marcel, I think I'd be a bit testy, too, if my old ex was about to jump into my new ex. I think that would be a bit, uh... Cami: ( joins them ) ...Awkward? Kol: ( shrugs ) I was going to say kinky, but... ( Marcel, angry, vamp-speeds toward Kol and grabs him by the collar of his shirt, but Cami pulls him off ) Cami: I appreciate the chivalry, Marcel, but he'll have an easier time protecting me if he's alive. Marcel: ( to Kol ) Keep working. ( Marcel and Cami leave Kol and Davina to their work ) Davina: What is it with you two? Kol: Eh, it gets a bit old, playing odd-man-out in me own family. You know, Klaus, Rebekah, Elijah... they were always a party of three. No room for me at the table, but there always seemed to be room for Marcel. ( He watches as Davina starts cleaning up the herbs and salt from the table ) You know that diamond, the one that I showed you? Davina: ( nods ) Mmhmm. Kol: Well, that was the baby version. The one that we need to do the dagger spell, well, that has to be a lot bigger. A hundred years ago, I had it in my hand, and Marcel ratted me out to Klaus and they took it. He probably bloody well kept it. Davina: ( smiles ) Then, let's steal it back. It's a good chance to snoop! Kol: ( pleased ) It's like you're in my mind, Davina Claire! ( She smiles and laughs cheerfully ) [ THE BAYOU / THE LYCEE ] ( Starlings fly around the woods as Mikael viciously tears apart a werewolf who lays dad on the forest floor. He notices one of the birds as it flies away, and suddenly, Lenore/Esther appears behind him ) Esther: You're making a mess of my werewolf centuries, Mikael. Mikael: ( shocked ) And you're up to your old tricks. ( He stands to his feet and approaches her ) Esther. I've missed you, wife. Have you missed me? Esther: ( sighs impatiently ) As much as you've missed me, I imagine. Mikael: That would explain why you brought your lover back from the Other Side without so much as a thought of me. I will slaughter every single wolf I see until I am taken to the dog you saw fit to bring back from the dad! Esther: You can stop looking for Ansel. Klaus klled him. Klaus may not be your blood, but he certainly has picked up a few things from you along the way... Mikael: ( enraged ) DO NOT MENTION THE BASTARD SON! Esther: ( amused ) Resolution through volence! You are nothing if not consistent. ( Mikael glares at her furiously ) Go ahead. Strike me. I imagine you've been waiting a thousand years to do so. ( Mikael lunges for her, but she vanishes, revealing that it was only an astral projection of Esther in the woods. In reality, she is in the lycée, and she laughs at Mikael's predictability ) Esther: ( chants ) Aparté, aparabis. ( Mikael growls and turns as Esther reappears behind him ) Esther: Now that you've gotten that out your system, we have things to discuss about our children. [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] ( Elijah is sitting on the porch with Hope, who is sitting in a baby seat. In the yard, Rebekah is setting up firewood ) Rebekah: It's alright, Elijah. She won't break. Everything you did was in the name of protecting her. I'm not worried. ( Elijah picks up Hope and holds her ) Elijah: ( to Hope ) Hi, sweetheart. ( to Rebekah ) Is that what I think it is? Rebekah: ( walks toward Elijah and Hope ) It's bonfire season! And I am reviving a family tradition! Especially since we're all going to be together. Elijah: Only because we're fleeing from one of our deranged parents. Another Mikaelson tradition. It's a peculiar thing, never to be tired, yet forever exhausted by the sameness of things. Why is our family always at wr? Rebekah: ( smiles and touches Hope's hand ) I don't know. But, being away with her made me see things differently. ( She lowers her voice as she gently talks to both Hope and Elijah ) We're not so bad. We're not the monsters that our parents think we are. ( Suddenly, Klaus and Hayley's black SUV speeds down the driveway, and Klaus barely has time to park before Hayley rushes out of the car and sprints toward Rebekah, Elijah and her daughter. She stops in her tracks as soon as she sees her, as though she can't believe her eyes. Rebekah and Elijah both smile at her as Klaus catches up with them, and Elijah wastes no time handing a smiling Hope to Hayley ) Hayley: ( to Hope ) Hi! ( Hayley hugs Hope tightly and breaths a sigh of relief. Behind her, Klaus is near tears and too overwhelmed to move. Hayley, unable to meet Elijah's eye, turns so Klaus can see his daughter as well. Hope coos happily, and Klaus and Hayley both laugh as they smother her with kisses ) ( After the break, the Mikaelsons discuss the newest revelations they've just learned while they continue to build the bonfire ) Rebekah: Curse on the first-born? What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean? Klaus: Well, according to Finn, our sister Freya didn't die of plague. She was taken as payment by our aunt Dahlia, who then cursed all Mikaelson first-borns for eternity. Hayley: ( concerned ) Is any of this true? Elijah: It is if we are to believe Finn, who learned it from the bastion of truth, our mother. Rebekah: Well, no wonder Finn hates us. He lost the sister he adored, and instead got a judgy pack of siblings who found him unbearably dull. Hayley: Great. So, is there any chance of us running into your loony aunt Dahlia any time soon? Elijah: The fable's over a thousand years old. Dahlia is long dad. Hayley: ...Like Esther? Klaus: No one's going to hurt Hope, because no one's going to find her. ( bat ) There's enough wood, Rebekah. You'll burn down the whole bloody state of Arkansas. Rebekah: ( rubs her hands together ) Well, we're just missing a key ingredient! Klaus: ( sighs ) No, we're not. Rebekah: Yes, we are, Nik! Back me up, Elijah! Elijah: ( laughs ) I suspect Niklaus would rather choke on the ashes. Hayley: ( confused ) What are you all talking about? Rebekah: Well, before we light it, we write down our wishes for each other to burn for luck! It was Kol's favorite part when we were kids! Klaus: It's further evidence as to why we should ignore it! Hayley: Hope's first bonfire season. I like it! ( She smiles ) We're doing it! ( Hayley rushes inside for paper. Rebekah, pleased, turns to her brothers and smiles smugly ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Marcel has found Cami in the room where they are keeping Vincent/Finn's locked coffin ) Marcel: ( smiles ) You ditched me. Cami: You have my fake therapist locked in that coffin. What better way to spend my potential final hours. ( She rubs her neck anxiously, but Marcel squeezes her shoulder comfortingly ) Marcel: Try not to think about it. Cami: I can't help it, Marcel. At any moment, I could cease to exist. And, the one person who can make a difference is ten feet away, and locked in a box. I need to talk to him! Marcel: You're not talking to Finn! Cami: Maybe he'll listen? Maybe he'll... call his mom off? It's a million to one, but it's better than doing nothing. ( She heads for the coffin, but Marcel follows after her ) Marcel: I said no, Cami. Cami: Marcel, I am hours away from someone taking control of my body. I highly suggest you avoid trying to control me between now and then. [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] ( Klaus is holding Hope and sitting at the dining room table when Hayley comes in with notebook and pencils to write their wishes ) Hayley: ( hands him the supplies ) Here. Klaus: ( doesn't take his eyes off of Hope ) I'm holding a small child, Hayley. This silly wish game will have to wait! Hayley: ( smiles ) You write, I'll hold. Klaus: You do realize it is not I who is to be the husband you can boss around? Hayley: ( smiles even wider ) You do realize that I had to endure horrendous labor and actual death birthing the child that you're holding? ( Klaus chuckles and sighs as Hayley walks over and takes Hope from him ) Hayley: ( to Hope ) Heyyy! Klaus: Fine. ( He picks up the paper and pencil and starts to narrate aloud what he is writing ) "I wish Hayley would tell Elijah you're marrying your werewolf suitor, at which point I will pour him a scotch and congratulate him on the bllet he dodged." ( He rips off the page and hands it out to Hayley, who just glares at him, not amused. She snatches the paper from his hands and crumples it up in a ball before she tosses it on the ground and leaves the room. Klaus smirks, pleased with himself ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Cami is carrying a tea set into the room where Finn is being kept, while Marcel prepares to unlock his coffin ) Marcel: You know, I'm only doing this because it means so much to you. But, if it's not safe, I'm staying. ( Cami turns and gives him a look ) Not to control you! To protect you. Cami: He won't talk to me if you're here, Marcel. And, he's in no shape to pick a fight. ( Marcel shakes his head in frustration and opens the coffin door. Finn, who is severely weakened and still shackled with the enchanted manacles, nearly falls over, so Marcel catches him and deposits him into a chair. Finn looks at them both in confusion, and Cami gives Marcel a pointed look ) Marcel: I'll be outside. ( When Marcel leaves, Cami sits down across from Finn in the other chair ) Cami: ( sighs ) I'm not much of a cook, but I do make a mean grilled cheese. ( She hands him a plate, but he doesn't take it ) Finn: You're a compassionate woman, Camille. It's your fatal flaw, and it will be your downfall. Cami: Well, that got dark fast. ( She laughs awkwardly ) Come on, eat. You must be starving. Finn: I will not be tempted by your beauty, nor will I be blinded by your empathy. Cami: ( rolls her eyes ) You don't leave a girl much wiggle room. I would appeal to your morals, but those seem to be all over the map. Finn: I'm not the one who was sleeping with one vampire while half in love with another. ( Cami looks stunned and offended ) Your morality is a moving target. Mine is not. You believe people can change. You're still seeking out Klaus' redemption, as if that were a thing that was even possible. Elijah seeks it out. Even my own mother seeks it out! But, I do not believe in redemption. I believe in right and wrong. I believe in good. ( He holds up his manacles ) And evil. Cami: ( tries to stay composed ) Maybe in some comic book universe... Finn: ( stands and gets up in her face ) You don't even see it, but I'm trying to help people like you! Cami: I don't believe you. Finn: ( furious ) And that is to your peril, because when I'm free, I will not stop until every single vampire in New Orleans has ceased to exist! And, I will show no mercy to anyone who dare stand with them! ( He pulls the chain to his manacles taut and holds them up to Cami's throat, as if he wanted to choke her with them ) Not even you. ( He finally backs away from her, and Cami, frightened, hops out of her chair and rushes out of the room. Marcel passes her and walks back into the room ) Cami: Lock him back up. [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] ( Elijah is out on the porch of the safe house, stacking up firewood, when he suddenly starts getting flashbacks to his red-door dream again. In the flashback, Hayley, in a white dress, rushes toward the red door and furiously pounds on it as a bloody Elijah chases her. Then, young Elijah takes a stake and kills adult Elijah with it in the woods. He's broken out of his vision by Rebekah, who has joined him on the porch ) Rebekah: ( concerned ) Elijah. ( She hands him a handkerchief to wipe his hands ) Here. Elijah: ( shaky ) Thank you. Rebekah: What is it you see when you go away like that? Elijah: Things I've done. Images of who I was. ( He returns the handkerchief ) It's a lovely gift from Mother. I can't turn it off. I suppose it's her way of demonstrating I'd be better off taking her deal. Rebekah: To leave your body behind? Elijah: To start over. To live a mortal life. Have a child of my own, if I choose. Rebekah: Cursed as your first-born, if we're to believe the story. Elijah: Not if I am no longer Mikaelson blood. You see, this is the beauty of Mother, Rebekah, sometimes even her darkest deeds possess a logic that is difficult to refute. Rebekah: It's a lovely fantasy, Elijah. Elijah: Rebekah, you and I both know what Mother is capable of. Now, I do wonder, if she would relent and leave us be... ( He cuts himself off and sighs, licking his lips anxiously before he lowers his voice ) What if all that Mother needs is a victory? Rebekah: Let her find it somewhere else! Besides, she wants all three of us. Elijah: She has Kol, she has Finn. Now, perhaps, in the end, a simple majority will do? ( Rebekah considers this for a moment and sighs, clearly unhappy with this idea ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Davina and Kol are searching through the compound in search of the paragon diamond. While they dig around in dressers in one of the bedrooms, Davina finds an old framed photograph of Klaus, Elijah, Rebekah, Kol and Marcel from 1914 in the bottom of a drawer ) Davina: ( smiles and shows the photo to Kol ) Is this you? Kol: ( examines the photo ) I was a lot better looking back then. Davina: ( giggles ) You wish! ( She looks at the photo ) What about Rebekah? You never talk about her. Kol: Well, there's not much to say, really. She was always their girl. There was one time, though, she did me a solid. Back in Christmas, 1914. [ FLASHBACK - NEW ORLEANS, DECEMBER 1914 ] ( The Mikaelsons were hosting a Christmas party at the compound. Rebekah, in a red party dress, opens the doors to Klaus' bedroom to find Kol searching through his closet ) Rebekah: Do you insist on pilfering before cocktails? Kol: Nik stole something that belongs to me. I'm simply taking it back. Rebekah: ( smiles ) And I'm simply going to tell Nik! ( She turns to leave, but Kol rushes after her to stop her ) Kol: Wait! ( Rebekah turns toward him, and Kol sighs ) What if I said I'm close to finishing a dagger that would work on him? Rebekah: You wouldn't dare use it. Kol: Why? It's no more than he's done to us. And you've suffered at his hands more than anyone! And, it's not like we'd be klling him. Just giving you some time to be with Marcel. Rebekah: ( stunned ) You're entirely serious. Kol: Haven't we both earned the right to live out of his shadow? Are you with me, sister? Rebekah: ( considers this for a moment ) You can count me in. But, do hurry downstairs, and throw on one of Nik's jackets. He'll notice your absence if you're late. ( Kol, thrilled to have Rebekah's allegiance, smiles at her ) [ END FLASHBACK ] [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] ( Elijah, Hayley, and Klaus are outside with Hope, where Klaus has just lit a match to light the bonfire. Rebekah rushes outside to join them ) Rebekah: Hey! Look what I found! ( She holds up a Polaroid camera ) I wonder if it'll work. Klaus: ( sighs ) Oh, bloody hell. Rebekah: Come on, let's try it! Hey, Nik, do you think you can cram us all into a selfie? Elijah: Oh, Niklaus is a virtuoso at cramming his siblings into confined spaces. Klaus: Well, I'm just glad I traveled hundreds of miles to visit my mentlly ill brother, only to have him insult me to my face! Rebekah: Oh, come on, just take the picture! ( Klaus sighs and holds up the camera to take a picture of the five of them together. Everyone in smiling, Hope including, except for Klaus, who remains blank-faced. They all watch as the photo develops ) Rebekah: Aw, see? I wish that it could always be like this. Elijah: If wishes were horses... Klaus: ...Beggars would ride. ( They all look happily at the photograph, but Klaus suddenly sighs ) You realize we'll have to burn it. You want me to make a wish for the family, Rebekah? I wish it didn't have to be like this. But, it does. ( He hands the photo to Hayley ) We can't risk it falling into the wrong hands. ( Hayley and Elijah look at each other, both visibly sad, and Hayley takes a good, long look at the photo before reluctantly throwing it into the bonfire ) Rebekah: ( sad and angry ) No! This isn't right. We deserve this. We've earned this. ( She looks at Elijah, who looks unhappy ) I won't let it slip away. ( Hayley and Klaus both look at her, confused and concerned ) I know what to do to stop Esther. Elijah: ( tense ) Rebekah, no... Rebekah: I'm going to take her deal. And, when I do, I'm taking her down with me. ( Rebekah and Klaus stare at each other, and Rebekah gulps anxiously ) ( After the break, Hayley sits in the rocking chair on the front porch, giving a hungry Hope her bottle. Inside the house, Rebekah, Elijah, and Klaus are discussing Rebekah's idea ) Rebekah: It'll work. She will be distracted during the spell. She'll be vulnerable. Klaus: No. If we kll her, she body-jumps. Rebekah: Then stop her from jumping! Klaus: If I knew how to bloody stop her from jumping, don't you think I would have happily mrder her ages ago? Rebekah: Well, ages ago, you didn't have a Harvest girl or a Mikaelson witch. Kol knows all of her tricks. Elijah: Now, you're both insane. Rebekah: Hardly, Elijah. It was your idea! You're the one who said she needed a win, and if we get this right, then she'll have one. Elijah: ( stressed ) And if we get it wrong, you're no longer in your own body! Rebekah: Would that be the worst thing? You were ready to do it yourself. ( Klaus looks at Elijah, surprised and concerned at this revelation ) Elijah: It was a foolish moment, and one that you sagely dissuaded me from. Rebekah: Hopefully, we'll get lucky and stop the spell before I jump. Klaus: And, if we're not, you'll get what you always wanted. ( Rebekah swallows nervously ) I mean, that's what you're saying, isn't it? You're willing to lose. Rebekah: I'm willing to risk losing, yes. Klaus: ( sighs ) Well, we need to find someone for her to jump into. Someone anonymous. Someone who could disappear with Hope. Elijah: Rebekah, we've been together for centuries. If you were human... Rebekah: ( rolls her eyes ) When I'm old and wrinkly, you can dump me back into my old body. Nik already has a coffin he can store me in. Elijah: ( crosses his arms ) But, to trust Kol? Rebekah: It's not about trust, Elijah. It's about finding the proper leverage. Klaus: She's right. Kol will do what's best for Kol; We just have to meet his price. ( Klaus pulls out his phone and dials a number ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Marcel and Kol are discussing Kol helping Klaus, Elijah and Rebekah with their plan ) Kol: I'd be happy to help! Marcel: In exchange for what? From all the sneaking around today, you're clearly in need of something. Kol: If you want me to find a new body for Rebekah, I want the Folean diamond you stole from me back in 1914. Marcel: ( laughs ) And what do you plan to do with it? Kol: Does it matter? Marcel: Well, it would matter to Klaus. Kol: ( smirks ) You see, I could fib here, but I want to be on the up about it. I need a wapon I can use to protect myself against Klaus, and the diamond helps me make it. ( Marcel looks at him suspiciously ) It's not to kll him, it's simply a matter of self-defense. Only to be used out of absolute necessity. ( Marcel nods in understanding as he considers this offer ) It's a fair trade, Marcel. We get free of my whackadoodle mum, I acquire the means by which to defend myself against a volatile brother, should the need arise, and, uh, if all goes well, perhaps you'll let me near Davina without bodily harm. So, should I call him back, or should you? [ ON THE ROAD ] ( It's night, now, and Klaus and Rebekah are driving back to New Orleans to enact their plan against Esther ) Rebekah: You are mad to give Kol that diamond. Klaus: Our little brother has been plotting against me for years, and he hasn't got a lick of it right. I'll take my chances. ( bat ) Do you know what to do? Rebekah: ( takes a deep breath ) Yes. But, if it doesn't go to plan, will you handle my body with care, please? I may miss the old model. Klaus: If everything goes south, I'll be there to pull you out. We just have to take Esther down before she body-jumps. I don't want all of this to have been for nothing. Rebekah: ( smiles ) You and I on the same team. It must be Christmas. [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] ( Hayley walks into the living room, where Elijah is sitting by the fireplace, and stops in the doorway ) Hayley: She's asleep. ( Elijah looks up at her ) It's so quiet, with Klaus and Rebekah gone. ( She pauses ) So, we didn't get to say our wishes. Can I tell you mine? ( Elijah looks at her quizzically ) It's a hope, actually... that you'll understand what I have to tell you. Elijah: ( confused ) And what is it? Hayley: My wolves. I think I figured out a way to release them from the witches. ( Elijah stands, surprised ) They could control their turning without the rings, and bring peace to our home so that Hope could return to us. But, there's a catch... I have to marry Jackson. ( Elijah is completely stunned speechless ) It's a, um, mystical ceremony, and-and an alpha bonding ritual...? ( Elijah turns toward the window, and Hayley walks closer to him ) Elijah... I know that you and I haven't been close recently, but... you have to know that this isn't about him. I don't love Jackson, but... at the same time, I couldn't marry him and still be involved with you. ( Hayley looks overwhelmed ) I don't know, I should just... ( She turns to leave, but Elijah rushes after her and grabs her by the arm to turn her toward him. He reaches around her waist and pulls her toward him so he can kiss her passionately, a kiss which Hayley returns. After a moment, he pulls away ) Elijah: ( quietly ) Marry him. Hayley: ( dazed ) What? Elijah: ( brushes a lock of hair off of Hayley's face and cups her face in his hands ) Listen to me, the only way that this city will be safe for Hope's return is if you have unified your people, and I have unified my own. Now, Davina will eventually lead her witches, and whatever that girl may be, she is no enemy to your child. Do what you need to bring your daughter home. This is my wish for you. ( Hayley slowly reaches up and caresses Elijah's face with her hand. They stare at each other for a long moment before they both lunge for each other and start kissing even more passionately. Elijah picks her up and wraps her legs around his waist before vamp-speeding them against the bookshelf, where he pulls off Hayley's jacket. Hayley unknots his tie and rips his shirt open as he pulls down the straps of her dress, and eventually moves them over to the coffee table, where he lays Hayley so they can make love ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Kol has just returned to the compound to update Marcel and Davina on their plan with Klaus and Rebekah ) Kol: Done! As per your request. Miss Angelica Barker. Good cheekbones and a tummy you can bounce a quarter off! She will be Rebekah's new host body, instead of Cami. ( Cami walks downstairs to join them ) Davina: Who's Angelica Barker? Marcel: One of my vampire potentials. Had to turn her down. She was too lost. Cami: ( nervous ) Does she know what's about to happen to her? Kol: It's better when they don't know, love. Marcel: ( sighs ) Hopefully, we won't have to use her. Kol: Hopefully. But, then, my mother is a wiley and vindictive woman. Which is why I've got to ask something else of you. Marcel: ( confused ) You're already getting the diamond. Kol: Which I'm thrilled about. But, in order for me to help you, I need access to my mother's hourglass... which is in the lycée. With my mother. Marcel: So? Kol: Well, I haven't been back in a while, and the only way she won't suspect me is if I bring back the thing that I was sent to find. Marcel: And that thing is...? Kol: ...The white oak stake. Marcel: Are you out of your mind? Davina: ( not pleased ) Kaleb! Kol: Look, it's the only way she's gonna trust me! She doesn't want to kll them, she just wants to make sure that the wapon doesn't fall into the wrong hands. ( Marcel and Davina both look unhappy and uneasy about this revelation ) I swear, as soon as she's gone, I'll give it right back to Klaus. Marcel: Like hell you will. Deal's off. ( Suddenly, Klaus arrives home and joins them all in the courtyard ) Klaus: Kol! Whatever grudges you hold against me, we're doing this for the good of our family. Do I have your word that, for once, you will honor that? Kol: You have my word, Nik. Swear on the face of us all. Klaus: ( smiles weakly ) I'll get the stake. [ THE LYCEE ] ( Kol has returned to the lycée, where he has met with Esther and is explaining his absence ) Kol: I wooed her, I won her. It took a while, but in the end, she handed it to me. Esther: ( examines the white oak stake ) When I didn't hear from you, I thought you might be in trouble. Kol: Nope. No trouble. It's just hard to do espionage when you're calling mummy all the time. ( He starts to touch Esther's hourglass ) So, where's Finn? Is he off playing emperor to his merry pack of dogs? Esther: I'm afraid Finn may have fallen into the hands of your brothers. But, I've made a plan to assist him with that dilemma while I continue my search for Rebekah. ( Behind Esther, a dark figure appears. Kol smirks and gestures toward the door ) Kol: Oh, speak of the devil and the devil will come. Hello, sister. Rebekah: ( smiles ) Kol. It really is you. I would know that smirk anywhere. ( Esther turns at the sound of Rebekah's voice and seems surprised to see her. Rebekah approaches them and stands in front of her ) Hello, Mother. I believe you're offering a deal? [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Davina is spreading salt, sand, and herbs around an hourglass on the table in the courtyard to prepare for their spell. She and Marcel explain their plan to Cami ) Davina: ( turns the hourglass ) Kaleb will link this hourglass to Esther's. Ours will mirror hers. Marcel: When the last sand falls, Esther will try to jump her into you. Davina: That's when I'll redirect the spell from you to Esther. It's meant to jam the signal just long enough to keep that kind of magic from working against anyone. Cami: ( anxious ) If it works. Marcel: It'll work! When Rebekah attcks, Esther won't be able to jump her into you, or herself anywhere else. Cami: And we're sure Kaleb is on board? ( Marcel and Davina both nod in confirmation ) Marcel: He's on board. He's a thief and a liar, but, like Elijah, he doesn't give his word lightly. ( Cami continues to look anxious ) [ THE LYCEE ] ( Esther is pouring cups of tea for them as she, Rebekah, and Kol discuss Esther's offer ) Rebekah: You can't possibly expect me to discuss giving up eternal life over tea. ( She points to a nearby shelf ) Give me some of that red over there. Kol: ( amused ) Pff! ( Esther smiles and goes to get the bottle of red wine from the shelf to pour them each a glass ) Rebekah: Well, where's the sales pitch? Esther: I only offer what you already want. Rebekah: And how do you presume to know that? Esther: Elijah's happiest when there's order and music. Klaus, when he's the center of attention and in control. But, you are my only child capable of unfettered joy. ( She hands Rebekah a glass of wine ) And, you're happiest amongst humans. I've seen you yearn for that life. For love. Kol: ( loudly ) And when am I happiest, then, Mother? Esther: ( rolls her eyes and sets her drink on the table to look Kol in the eye ) When you're doing as you're told! ( She holds up the tea tray and hands it to him so he can put it away before she turns back to Rebekah ) Our wishes are aligned in this, my daughter. Mine, to free you from this curse, and yours, to be human. Rebekah: I'd be giving up everything I've ever known for a memory of something I once was. Power for weakness. Strength for frailty. Eternal life for a brief human existence. Esther: ( squeezes Rebekah's arms affectionately ) The choice is simple: another thousand years of never having what you want, or a handful of years when you do. ( Rebekah looks nervous. She glances over at Kol, who is staring at her, before turning back to her mother ) Rebekah: ( takes a deep breath ) Well, then. To the end of an era. I'm in. Esther: ( visibly happy ) Let us begin! ( She turns over her hourglass. Kol, nervous, sits up and casts a brief spell while Esther's back is turned. She and Rebekah toast their wine glasses and each take a long sip ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( The hourglass on the table in the courtyard starts to pour after Kol casts his spell on Esther's own hourglass. Davina, Marcel, and Cami are all watching it intently ) Davina: It's working. ( Cami stands to her feet, nervous ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY / MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( At the cemetary, Esther, Rebekah, and Kol have moved outside to the altar where Genevieve and Monique tried to sacrifice Hope in From a Cradle to a Grave. The hourglass sits on the altar, surrounded by salt and sand in a circle. Esther finishes setting up the spell, and fre suddenly sparks in four metal bowls surrounding her. She then lays the white oak stake on the end of the altar, which makes Rebekah very nervous ) Rebekah: What the bloody hell is that doing here? Esther: As each of you comes to your senses and takes my offer, I will destroy your vampire bodies. Kol: ( confused ) Mother, you said you wanted the stake to protect them! Esther: Yes, but not in their current bodies. Once they accept my offer, I will be righting two wrongs... Rebekah: ( overwhelmed ) No. Esther: ..having brought this evil into the world, then having subjected my own children to it. Rebekah: No, that wasn't the deal! Stop the spell! Esther: The spell is already done! I prepared it to be locked in the moment I turned over the hourglass. ( Kol looks anxiously at Rebekah, who is horrified by this revelation. The sand continues to pour through the hourglass ) ( At the Mikaelson compound, Davina, Marcel, and Cami are still anxiously watching the sand run out of their own hourglass ) Marcel: Now. Davina: Not yet. ( Back at the cemetery, Rebekah is still freaking out about this change in their plans ) Rebekah: Mother, think this through. You gave birth to this body, you can't destroy it! Esther: I am only destroying its flesh! Your beautiful soul will live on in the body of another. ( There is only 4-5 centimeters of sand left in the hourglass ) I have chosen well for you. A beautiful girl. Strong. ( Suddenly, Klaus reveals himself to be standing on the roof of a nearby crypt ) Klaus: MOTHER! Stop the spell! ( He vamp-speeds toward them and stands next to Rebekah ) You and your traitorous son. Kol: ( worried ) Nik, I didn't know anything about it, I swear. Esther: ( realizes what is happening ) Oh, good. I'm glad you two boys are friends again. I did wonder what you'd been up to in your time away. Now, I know. Klaus: ( through gritted teeth ) Stop the blasted spell! Esther: I'm afraid that's impossible. Klaus: Anything is possible. ( He steps in front of Rebekah ) Take me instead. Rebekah: Nik, no! Esther: If only you'd taken my offer when it was still mine to give! Unfortunately, you've left me no choice but to make a... deal with Mikael. Rebekah: ( horrified ) Mikael? ( Klaus and Kol both look mutinous ) Esther: When Finn and Kol went missing, I needed a new ally. ( She looks at Klaus ) All he wanted was the right to kll you. ( Klaus, overwhelmed, turns away from them to think ) Kol, I would ask you to deliver the stake to your father, but it seems your loyalties have been compromised. Klaus: ( turns back to her ) STOP THE SPELL, ESTHER! Rebekah: No, it's okay, Nik. I can do this. ( The sand in the hourglass is even closer to being gone ) Esther: So, you're feeling mrder again. You should know, I've already chosen another body. Kol: ( sees that the sand has almost run out ) NOW! ( Klaus takes an athame off of the altar and sab Esther in the neck with it. Esther falls to the floor, dad, just as the rest of the sand leaves the hourglass. Klaus looks as though he can't believe what he's just done ) ( At the Mikaelson compound, the rest of the sand leaves their own hourglass ) Marcel: Now! ( Davina closes her eyes and begins to chant. Suddenly, Cami starts to seize, and Marcel rushes over to her to catch her before she falls ) Marcel: Cami? ( At the cemetery, Rebekah starts to seize as well, and Klaus catches her before she can fall ) Klaus: Rebekah! ( Both of the hourglasses explode at the same time, and they all have to dive out of the way to avoid the shards of glass at their respective locations ) ( At the cemetery, Klaus looks over at Kol, looking horrified ) ( At the Mikaelson compoun, Marcel checks on Cami, and looks over at Davina, who looks scared ) Marcel: Did it work? Davina: I have no idea. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUN ] ( Cami has been laid in an armchair in the courtyard, and Davina is sitting at her side, gently brushing her hair off her face. Klaus returns to the compound a moment later, carrying Rebekah's body, which he lays on the couch. In the next room, Marcel has gone to check on Finn, only to find that the lock has been ripped off, and the coffin is open and empty. Back in the courtyard, Davina explains to Klaus what has been happening ) Davina: Cami's not awake yet, either. Marcel: ( rushes in ) When she's up, we gotta get her out of the Quarter. She's not safe here. Someone busted Finn out! Klaus: ( sighs ) My mother is using Mikael to do her dirty work, now. ( Suddenly, Cami awakens with a gasp, and everyone turns to her in concern ) Klaus: ...Camille? Cami: ( looks around and takes in her surroundings ) I suddenly love that stupid name! ( Davina laughs in relief and hugs her. Klaus and Marcel both smile weakly, and turn to check on Rebekah, who is still unconscious. Marcel sits down next to Rebekah and caresses her face with his hand ) Klaus: ( in realization ) I couldn't stop the spell. ( Klaus takes off. Marcel, scared, shouts after him ) Marcel: Please tell me that your mother's dad! Klaus: ( turns back toward him ) Rebekah and I took extra precautions. Esther is exactly where she needs to be. [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] ( Davina and Kol are walking through the Quarter toward the Folean mansion ) Davina: Why are you in such a good mood? Kol: Remember how I said Rebekah had done me a solid back in 1914? Swore she hadn't told Klaus that I was taking the diamond back? I was actually being a bit facetious. [ FLASHBACK - NEW ORLEANS, DECEMBER 1914 ] ( The Mikaelsons' holiday party is in full swing, and people are milling about the courtyard in their finest outfits. Rebekah is mingling with the guests when she notices a blonde girl standing alone and goes to talk to her ) Rebekah: You're here with my brother. A word of advice? A witch as lovely as you has no business dating Kol. Blonde witch: Oh, it's not really a date. Rebekah: ( touches her arm ) You can do better. ( Rebekah walks up the stairs, where Klaus, Elijah, Kol and Marcel are all drinking champagne and posing for a family photograph. Kol sees the witch down below and raises his glass to her, and she does the same in return. After the photo has been taken, Klaus taps on his glass with a Knfe to get the party's attention ) Klaus: As you know, when the Mikaelsons arrived in Louisiana, we brought with us the tradition of holiday bonfire season. Now, we invite you chosen few to join us in our family's own tradition of writing wishes for each other and burning them for luck. The holidays are a time for celebrating family, and friends. ( He looks at Marcel ) It is especially gratifying in times when treachery runs deep. ( He looks back at Kol, who looks confused ) To know you have someone you can trust. A toast, to you, my sister. ( Rebekah smiles at him ) Party Guests: To Rebekah! ( Kol, suspicious, starts to head up the stairs to get away from his brothers, but Elijah quickly vamp-speeds after him. When he blocks Kol's path, Kol turns around to find Klaus blocking the exit behind him. Elijah grabs him by the arms and pulls his jacket off, as Klaus calls out to the crowd below ) Klaus: Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for the disturbance! But, what's a Mikaelson party without a little squabble? ( Klaus pulls out a silver dagger and sab Kol in the heart with it. Rebekah, who's watching from the stairs, smiles ) [ PRESENT DAY - THE FRENCH QUARTER ] ( Kol and Davina are still walking through the neighborhood ) Kol: I've owed her one for a century. Today, I got to repay that favor. ( Davina looks concerned ) Oh, don't worry, love, I'm not going to hurt me own sister. I didn't exactly prep Angelica Barker, either. I prepped someone else. Davina: ( stunned ) What? Who? Kol: Oh, it's a bit of a story. You see, Klaus didn't just punish me for stealing the diamond, he also punished my witch friends, locking them in the Dowager Folean cottage. Oh, over the decades it's become quite a catch-all for an assortment of odd birds of the witchy variety. I'm sure Rebekah will be very comfortable in a prison created by Klaus. Davina: ( stops walking ) You didn't. Kol: Oh, I did. ( He pulls out the large paragon diamond from his pocket ) Besides, with Rebekah missing, Klaus will occupied so we can finish what we started. ( He hands her the diamond, and she examines it with a smile ) Davina: You swear she's safe? Kol: ( nods ) Perfectly. Since this is the best day I've had in the past two centuries, I've made a wish for you. ( He caresses her face with his hand ) Close your eyes. ( Davina does what she's told, and once her eyes are closed, Kol leans down and kisses Davina on the lips. After a moment, he pulls away, but Davina smiles before she wraps her arms around his neck and starts to kiss him more passionately. He wraps his arms around her waist, and the two make out in front of the Folean mansion ) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( In a large crypt full of dozens and dozens of human skulls, Esther wakes up on the floor as Klaus tosses a blood bag next to her. She groans as she tries to get her bearings ) Klaus: ( crosses his arms and smirks ) Hello, Mother. Esther: ( scared ) What have you done? Klaus: You - who sold me to that butcher Mikael like I were nothing more than chattle - ask me what I have done? ( Esther sits up, her hands shaking nervously as Klaus walks toward her ) I've done what every good son does, Mother! I've followed the example of my parents. You taught me exactly how I should treat you. ( Esther looks around the tomb and clutches her chest ) You must be feeling a little twitchy right about now. It's what happens when you're in transition. ( Esther licks her lips and takes notice of the blood bag on the floor next to her ) Esther: ( horrified ) No... ( She becomes angry ) That's not possible! Klaus: Oh, but it is! You see, you might have thought you were one step ahead of us, but the truth is, Rebekah was two ahead of you. [ FLASHBACK - THE LYCEE, EARLIER THAT NIGHT ] ( Esther flashes back to earlier, when she, Kol, and Rebekah were in the lycée, talking about her deal ) Kol: And when am I happiest, then, Mother? Esther: ( rolls her eyes and turns toward him ) When you're doing as you're told! ( While her back is turned, Rebekah bites into her thumb and dribbles a sizable amount of her vampire blood into Esther's wine glass. Later, Esther takes a large sip of it after she and Rebekah toast to their deal ) [ PRESENT DAY - LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] ( Esther is completely dumbfounded ) Esther: The wine? Klaus: You died with vampire blood in your system. It's a delicious irony, because, as you know, you cannot be both witch and vampire. ( Esther, horrified and overwhelmed, chokes back a sob ) So, now, you can either be the thing that you hate the most, or you can be d*ad. ( He walks out of the door of the crypt, but turns back one last time toward his mother ) Your choice. Which is more than you ever gave us. ( Klaus leaves, and Esther starts to cry, sprawled out on the floor of the tomb. She reaches out toward the blood bag on the floor and pulls it toward her ) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] ( Rebekah's body has been laid in her coffin, which is in the room off of the courtyard. Klaus and Marcel walk toward her and look at her sadly. After a moment, Kol joins them, and pulls out the white oak stake to return to Klaus ) Kol: A promise is a promise. ( Klaus smiles and takes the stake from Kol, relieved that he kept his word ) [ FOLEAN MANSION ] ( A young woman suddenly awakens with a gasp on a bed inside the abandoned home. She looks at herself in the mirror for a moment, until she starts to hear screaming nearby and leaps off the bed to investigate. She runs down the stairs and toward the doors, desperately trying to break through, but they won't budge ) Rebekah: ( groans ) Let me out! Someone! ( She continues to pound on the doors ) Kol, damn it! ( Maniacal laughter is heard nearby when she turns around ) I'm not meant to be here. ( She pounds harder on the doors ) I'm Rebekah Mikaelson! I'm Rebekah Mikaelson! Let me out, I'm Rebekah Mikaelson! [ END ]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x09 - The Map of Moments"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Klaus: I assume I have the misfortune of speaking to my mother. Esther: I have come to heal our family. I will undo everything that has been done, thereby giving you a new life. Klaus: Well, I'd prefer you both to join me against our mother, but I'll happily settle for one or the other. Finn: I will not stop until every single vampire in New Orleans has ceased to exist, and I will show no mercy to anyone who dares stand with them. Hayley: My wolves... I think I figured out a way to release them from the witches. I have to marry Jackson. Rebekah: Hello, mother. I believe you're offering a deal. Esther: Your beautiful soul will live on in the body of another. Klaus: You must be feeling a little twitchy. That's what happens when you're in transition. I couldn't stop the spell. Davina: You swear she's safe? Kol: ( nods ) Perfectly. [Gasps] Rebekah: I'm Rebekah Mikaelson! [ Mikaelson Safe House - Arkansas ] (Hayley is doting on Hope in the living room) Hayley: (to Hope) Hi, honey! Mama's here. (She lifts Hope up and carries her into the kitchen) Ooh! (Hayley and Hope enter the kitchen where Elijah is making breakfast. Hayley and Elijah look as though they're about to kiss, but instead Elijah just kisses Hope's head) (Klaus begins to speak in voiceover as he drives to the safe house with Cami. As he speaks about each of his family members in turn, the camera cuts to them. First is Elijah, who becomes overwhelmed by flashbacks of attacking Tatia, his red door, and the restaurant staff he klled. Second is Kol, in a flashback to The Map of Moments, when he kissed Davina in front of the Dowager Fauline's mansion. Third is Finn, who dresses his wounds from when Elijah attcked him and nods to Mikael, who is at the lycée with him. Fourth is Rebekah, whose original body is still in her coffin at the compound. Finally, when Klaus brings up himself, it cuts to Esther, who is still locked in the crypt in Lafayette Cemetery after Klaus and Rebekah turned her into a vampire. She looks weak and sick and is desperately trying to resist the blood bag on the ground in front of her) Klaus (V.O.): It has been said that all love begins and ends with she who gave us life. A thousand years ago, my mother turned us into monsters, yet still she claimed to love her children, even as she vowed to destroy us. The noble Elijah, tormented by long-buried, shameful secrets. Kol, the wiley troublemaker, out for no one but himself. Finn, the devoted acolyte, his love all too easily walked by our mother's sick hate. Fierce Rebekah, willing to risk everything on the chance that she may one day find happiness. And me, the bastard child. My mother's greatest shame. Now, finally, we have defeated her, giving her the choice she never thought to give us, to live on as one of the monsters she created... (Klaus and Cami arrive at the safe house, where Klaus finishes up his story as they depart from their vehicle) Klaus: .. or suffer the slow, agonizing death she so deserves. Cami: (confused) Um, congratulations, I guess, but right now, I'm a little more worried about Finn, considering I totally sab him in the back. Klaus: He won't find you here. This is the safest place you could possibly be. Come on! There's someone I want you to meet. (The two walk together toward the house) I'd like to introduce you to the newest member of our family. The little troublemaker all the fuss has been about. (The door opens, and Hayley comes out on the porch with Hope in her arms) Camille, this is Hope. (Cami is absolutely stunned, and looks at Klaus and Hayley in confusion) Cami: (shocked) Oh, my God. What? You said... I thought she was... Klaus: (staring at Hope) The only way to truly protect her was to convince the world of her death. (Hayley smiles kindly, but Klaus looks awkward as he turns to Cami) I hope you understand, once it is safe for you to leave here, this secret cannot leave with you. (Cami, clearly happy at this revelation, nods in understanding and smiles at her with tears in her eyes before she walks past him to see Hope for herself. Hope grabs her finger and coos at her, and both Cami and Hayley giggle) Cami: Oh, she's perfect! (Inside the house, Klaus, Hayley, Cami, and Elijah are brainstorming their next move) Klaus: Now that we've entombed our mother, I intend to finish making the city safe for Hope. Which, to start, means dealing with the lingering problem of Finn. Cami: (sighs) Oh, once he figures out what you've done to your mother, he's gonna go off the deep end. Klaus: That's exactly why we need to keep you out of harm's way. Hayley and I will return home and take care of my wayward brother. Elijah will remain here with you. (He looks over at Elijah, who looks displeased as he peers out the window) He's been experiencing some side effects since his ordeal as our mother's cptive. (He smirks) Best he stay here and convalesce. Elijah: (annoyed) A single violent outburst at a filthy road-side café, and one never hears the end of it. Klaus: (laughs) Oh, Cami has a way with minds plagued by demons, brother. You two can bond! (Cami looks over at Elijah awkwardly, while Elijah simply looks uncomfortable) Well, if you excuse me, I best be on my way! Rebekah should have already woken up in the body of Angelica Barker. Once she has cut the ties of Miss Barker's former life, she'll make her way directly here. (He smiles) You should expect her shortly. (He leaves for New Orleans, leaving Elijah and Cami alone in the safe house with Hope) [ Dowager Fauline Mansion / Witch Asylum ] (Rebekah, who is in her new vessel, has had her wrists and ankles bound to a bed in restraints while a nurse tries to shove several pills into her mouth) Rebekah: (spits out pills) You have no bloody idea who you're dealing with! Nurse: Let me guess... The easter bunny? (He grabs another cup of pills and forces Rebekah to take them. When she finally stops resisting and relaxes to the point of nearly being asleep, the nurse undoes her restraints and leaves the room. Once out in the hall, various patients are seen walking around with other nurses and orderlies) Season 2 Episode 10 Gonna Set Your Flag On fre Original air date: January 19, 2015 [ The Lycee ] (Finn is using a hammer to break what looks like a human skull into pieces so he can crush the bones into powder for a spell. As he works, he talks to Mikael, who is standing and watching nearby) Finn: (bitter) She tried to show them mercy. If they've harmed her... Mikael: (interrupting) Esther's mistake was believing there was anything left in your siblings to save. (Finn anxiously grinds his ingredients in a mortar as Mikael walks closer to him and affectionately squeezes his shoulder) Together, my son, we can finally destroy them. Finn: (smiles weakly and whispers) Yeah. I'm happy to hear you say this, Father. Such a powerful man. I could use your strength. (Mikael smirks as the scene cuts away quickly) [ Mikaelson Compound ] (Hayley and Jackson have met up on a balcony at the compound Quarter to discuss their plans for the Unification Ceremony. Jackson has his journal of werewolf traditions that he learned from Ansel while he was alive) Hayley: Hey! Thanks for meeting me here. Jackson: (smiles awkwardly) Heh, I ask you to marry me, you take off for three days! Good thing I'm a secure guy... sort of. Hayley: (smiles awkwardly back) So, you ready to do this thing? Get hitched? Take the plunge? Slap on the old ball-and-chain? Jackson: (laughs) Whoa, whoa, whoa! It's not that simple. It's a mystical Unification Ceremony. It's not like we can just go to Vegas! Hayley: ...Right. (She moves to sit in a chair on the balcony, and Jackson sits down in the chair opposite her) Jackson: Look... as long as the werewolves need those rings, they'll be under the witches' control. (He holds up his journal) Now, if we wanna change that, we gotta do this by the book. Literally. (He opens the journal to list off what they need to do in order to perform the ceremony) We have to find a shaman who can perform the ceremony, trials to endure, devotion rituals... Hayley: (overwhelmed) Devotion rituals? Jackson: (laughs nervously) Try not to sound too excited. Hayley: I'm sorry. This just all sounds very, um... Jackson: ...Intimate? (Hayley chuckles) Yeah... that's a marriage. (She smiles at him) Look, I know we're kinda diving into this thing, but... I think it's cool. (He smiles at her) I'm looking forward to the "getting to know you" part. Because I want to know you. (Hayley looks overwhelmed and slightly guilty as Jackson looks at her expectantly. When she hears a door open downstairs, she sighs) Hayley: They're here! Jackson: (confused) Who? Hayley: (raises her eyebrows and leads him downstairs) Come see! (They head to the courtyard, where a large group of werewolves are congregating, including Aiden) Jackson: What's Jared doing here? Hayley: Aiden rounded up the most influential wolves so they can talk. Jackson: ...About what? Hayley: (gestures to the front door) About them. (A group of vampires, including Gia and Josh, file into the courtyard, led by Marcel. Marcel looks up at Hayley and nods to her in greeting. Jackson looks tense as he watches the two groups approach each other. Marcel stops in front of Jared and holds his arm out to stay his vampires) [ Fauline Mansion / Witch Asylum ] (Rebekah opens her eyes in her bed and spits out the pills the nurse force-fed her from earlier) Rebekah: Amateurs. (She hears footsteps approaching her and shoves the pills under her pillow. It's Cassie, the Harvest girl, who stops in the doorway) Cassie: You're the sister. Rebekah. Rebekah: (stands up and approaches Cassie) I said as much the other night. Screamed it, in fact. No one believed me. But you do... (She becomes suspicious) Why? Cassie: I know a little something about Mikaelsons jumping into other people's bodies. Mostly because your mother did it to me. (Rebekah takes her hands and pulls her into the room so she can shut the door behind them before turning back to Cassie) Rebekah: (smiles) So you must be that Harvest girl. Cassie, is it? (Cassie nods) I'm in a bit of a bind here, so tell me how exactly does one go about breaking out of this joint? Cassie: (sadly) You can't break out. Once you're in, there's no leaving this place. Rebekah: (scoffs) That's ridiculous! Surely someone's gotten out? Cassie: Sure. But not alive. (Rebekah's smile falls in fear) [ Mikaelson Compound ] (Kaleb/Kol is unpacking in his new room in the compound when he finds a photo of Rebekah from the 1910s on the dresser. He picks it up and chuckles as he looks at it. After a moment, Klaus approaches the doorway) Klaus: Settling into your new accommodations? Kol: Well, I would have preferred my old room. Seeing as it's filled with a dusty nursery and a hybrid, I thought it best not to complain. Klaus: (pulls out a bottle of absinthe) I brought you something in honor of your return to the fold. I believe it's your favorite, or, at least, it used to be. (He presents the bottle to Kol) La Fille Vert! Kol: (takes the bottle from him and looks at it) Ding dong... the witch is dad! Or undead. (Klaus laughs) Whichever. Cheers! (Suddenly, the bottle shatters in Kol's hand, and its contents spill all over the floor. Klaus and Kol, both alarmed, look over to find Vincent/Finn has appeared) Finn: (furious) Where is she? Klaus: (annoyed) Finn! Please, join us. (Kol shakes the liquor off of his hands and stands next to Klaus) My, my, you look peaky. (He turns to Kol) Doesn't he look peaky? Kol: He does look peaky. Klaus: You feeling alright? Finn: (not amused) Don't make me ask again. Klaus: Well, I assume you're referring to our mother. Fear not, she's tucked away somewhere perfectly safe. You'll never find her. Finn: You think you've won. (He spreads his arms wide) Let's see how long that arrogance lasts, brother. (Kol looks alarmed as Finn gives them one last glare and leaves. Klaus watches him go, looking slightly concerned) (Down in the courtyard, the werewolves and the vampires are still trying to form an alliance) Hayley: You wolves are here because you want freedom. And, I promise you, if you stay, you will be free. But.. (She looks backward at Marcel and the vampires) We need as much help as we can get. Marcel: My vamps and I are willing to stand with you against the witches. In return, all I want is a promise that there will be peace between our sides after the wedding. Jared: You're the one who spent the last one hundred years klling and cursing us! Marcel: Which means you might wanna listen to what I have to say. (Suddenly, Finn joins them and interrupts their negotiations) Finn: I see you're brokering a truce between mongrels and parasites! (Hayley, Marcel, and the rest of their respective communities glare at him angrily) And just how long do you think that's really going to last? A month? A week? A day? What you don't yet seem to understand is that the only thing that can exist between your two degenerate species is hatred, wr, and death. (Finn slowly backs away as he talks, until he is technically outside of the compound. Then, he rubs his fingers together and blows on them as he casts a spell. When he slams his hand against the doorway of the entrance, the entire building shakes, startling its current occupants as the spell takes hold. He smiles at the alarmed looks on everyone's faces, which causes Gia to vamp-speed toward him to attck him. However, she slams into a barrier which burns her hands, as though she was outside without a daylight ring. Marcel lunges toward her to see what happened) Finn: But, I imagine, given a little time confined together, you'll come to see things the way I do. (Hayley sighs anxiously and glances around the room at the rest of the group, who are both furious and worried about what is to come as Finn leaves) (Upstairs, Klaus is in his bedroom, where he tests the spell against the balcony. His hand burns as well, and after a moment, he yanks his hand away from the barrier. Kol joins him, looking frantic) Kol: Did he really just trap us all in here? Klaus: He certainly did. Which means we have a witch problem. You're a witch. Fix it. (Klaus storms out of his room, but Kol stops him) Kol: And what the bloody hell do you want me to do about it? Klaus: Well, considering the crowd, I think you'll be more motivated to find a solution. After all, I can easily out-wait our brother's antics. You, on the other hand, might find yourself looking rather appetizing to some of our fellow prisoners. Kol: (looks panicked and reconsiders) I'm gonna need some help. Klaus: (smiles fakely) Mmm. (Downstairs, Marcel and Gia have stepped into the dining room in order to talk privately) Marcel: Josh and Aiden are gonna check doors, windows, and any other entrance. Maybe he missed something. (He starts unpacking one of several boxes that are stacked in a corner) Gia: (stands with her hands on her hips) Can you get them to manage this guy Jared's attitude? Marcel: (gives her a look) Gia, I want you to do two things for me. Gia: (crosses her arms) Yeah. Marcel: First, knock it off with the tough girl routine. Gia: (interrupts him) I'm... Marcel: (cuts her off) I'm serious! Don't underestimate those wolves, alright? You're new, but they have a long list of reasons to hate us. Gia: (sighs) Sorry. You're right. What's the second? Marcel: (smiles) I want you to help watch our guys. Alright? Make sure nobody starts looking for trouble. (Gia nods and turns to return to the courtyard. As she leaves, Hayley slips into the room to talk to Marcel while he continues to unpack the boxes) Hayley: So, you got any brilliant ideas on how to keep this under control? Marcel: (smiles) What people in New Orleans have always done when trapped in close quarters with mortal enemies. (Hayley looks at him, confused, and he pulls a bottle of bourbon out of the box) Drink, and hopefully blow off a little steam. (He throws the bottle toward Hayley, who easily catches it. She unscrews the cap and takes a large gulp straight from the bottle before holding up the bottle in Marcel's direction as though to toast to him before turning and leaving) [ Mikaelson Safe House - Arkansas ] (Elijah is leaving Rebekah one of what appears to be many voicemails in the doorway between the kitchen and living room) Elijah: (on the phone) Rebekah, it's me again. Please call. (He hangs up the phone, looking worried. Cami is looking through the cabinets in the kitchen when she finds a bottle of bourbon and takes it off the shelf) Cami: Yahtzee! Ah-ha-ha! If there's one thing I've learned about you people, it's that there's always a bottle of booze around. (She looks in another cabinet for glasses and looks back at Elijah) You want one? Elijah: Sounds delightful. And after that, Camille, then what? We have another, and another, perhaps another after that, another after that... Before long, I find myself opening up to you, or... (He makes air-quotes with his fingers) .. "bearing my damaged soul," as it were. (Cami, who has two tumblers and the bottle of bourbon, sits down on the couch in the living room and rolls her eyes) It's an old trick, Camille. Not a particularly clever one. Cami: Your mother really did a number on you boys, didn't she? Has it ever occurred to you that I'm less interested in fixing your problems and more interested in forgetting my own? I mean, I'm basically in a supernatural witness protection program because your psychotic brother, who, by the way, I practically had to seduce, wants me dad. So, yeah. (Elijah sits down across from her in an armchair and watches as she pulls out Trivial Pursuit and sets it on the coffee table) Booze and board games is pretty much where I'm at right now. (Elijah rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed, as Cami pulls out one of the game cards and reads it aloud) Here's a question: "What was the name of Don Quixote's horse?" Elijah: (mutters) This is absurd. Cami: (sighs and sets down the trivia card) Fine. Dumb idea. How's Hayley? You two seemed close. (She casually sips her drink, and Elijah, realizing he only has two options, sighs in defeat) Elijah: Rocinante. The horse's name is Rocinante. (He grabs the bottle of bourbon and pours himself a glass, and Cami smiles) [ Mikaelson Compound ] (The vampires and werewolves are mingling in the courtyard, having drinks and trying to enjoy themselves despite the fact that they're trapped together. Gia wanders around the room with a bottle of bourbon, filling up people's glasses. Above them on the balcony, Hayley is watching everyone. After a moment, Klaus joins her. She smiles weakly at him before turning her attention back to the courtyard, but Klaus looks at her curiously) Klaus: Worried about your wolves? (Hayley just looks at him blankly) Or, perhaps the source of your anxiety is a little further from home? How is Elijah, by the way? I'm sure he found your visit most curative. Hayley: (embarrassed) Ew! No. (Klaus continues to look at her, a smirk on his face, and she eventually caves) That obvious, huh? (She clears her throat awkwardly, and Klaus laughs) Klaus: Well, you both had a certain glow about you all morning. Frankly, I'm glad the two of you dropped your pretenses and, uh, shall we say... let the spirit move you? (He starts laughing even harder, and Hayley cuts him off, shoving him playfully) Hayley: (laughs with him) Okay! Okay, okay, okay, stop! Enough! This family is weird enough already. (Klaus notices her face suddenly grow serious as she watches Jackson down below, who has grabbed his own bottle of whiskey and has settled himself in a chair next to some fellow werewolves) Klaus: (speaks quietly) You're feeling guilty, aren't you? Wondering if you should tell your betrothed things he doesn't need to know. From all the poems written on the subject of unrequited love, there are so few on the pain of being the object of that affection. The truth is, Hayley, it's not love on which the strongest foundations are built. It's the decency of merciful lies. [ Fauline Mansion / Witch Asylum ] (Cassie and Rebekah are wandering around the asylum, as Cassie explains the existence of this place to her. Around them are other "patients," who look disheveled and are doing various activities) Cassie: The say this place is haunted. Rebekah: How could you possibly tell? Cassie: There's lots of versions of the story, but they all start the same way with Astrid Malchance and Mary-Alice Claire, imprisoned here over a century ago by your brother. (She gestures to a nearby wall, where two portraits of each of the women are hung) Imprisoned here over a century ago... by your brother. Then, the coven started to put others here, too. Ones broken by magic. Witches like me. Rebekah: So, that's it, then? They just lock you lot up and throw away the key? (Suddenly, a nearby witch begins to shriek as one of the nurses wraps his arms around her from behind and drags her to her room) Shrieking Witch: Wait! No! Please! I didn't do it! No! No! Stop! Nooo! (Another witch, an older woman with blonde hair and two parallel scars on her cheek stares at Rebekah and Cassie from across the room) Rebekah: Who are the creeps there with the scars? Cassie: (whispers) They call themselves the Kindred. (She and Rebekah start walking through the house again) Years ago, they got obsessed with dark magic, necromancy, immortality spells. So, their coven locked them up here. Since then, they kind of put themselves in charge. Rebekah: Well, what about our magic, then? We're still witches, right? (She looks over at two women, who are playing a game that involves small tiles with letters printed on them, and smiles) All we need to do is send a little distress signal. [ Mikaelson Compound ] (Davina has just arrived to the compound, and she stops short of the entrance to the courtyard, knowing that she'll be trapped if she goes any farther. When she reaches out to touch the barrier, Kol rushes out and stops her before she can get brned) Kol: Careful, careful! It's nasty. (He looks at Davina and smiles) Pretty girl to the rescue, eh? (Davina grins at him) You ready? (Davina nods, and the two hold out their hands so that they're nearly touching, with only the magical barrier separating them. Once they're settled, they start to murmur an unintelligible incantation under their breath. As they chant, Marcel pushes his way through the crowd to watch them work. After a moment, Kol and Davina are both rebounded backwards) Davina: (startled) Ahhh! (Kol glances at his hands and gives Davina a look) What just happened? Klaus: (suddenly appears to check on them) I assume that means we're all free to go. Kol: (anxious) No, the spell's locking us out. Davina: Vincent must be channeling something. A dark object, maybe. (Klaus, Davina, and Kol look at each other, frustrated and concerned) [ Lycee ] (Finn appears to be talking to himself as he prepares his next spell in the greenhouse. He holds an athame in his hands) Finn: You should have seen them! They were so... confident in our defeat. (He sets down the athame and moves across the room to kneel down on the floor, revealing he was actually talking to Mikael, who is unconscious and laying spread-eagled in the middle of a circle drawn in chalk and surrounded by candles. Inside the circle are more magical sigils and runes drawn in chalk, and his skin is gray and mottled as a result of the symbol carved into his forehead, which is similar to that used by Papa Tunde to channel Rebekah and the other dad vampires' power) Finn: But, I assure you, Father, they have no idea what they're up against now. (He touches his fingers against the symbol on Mikael's forehead, allowing him to channel all of Mikael's supernatural power to boost his own magical strength) [ Mikaelson Safe House - Arkansas ] (Cami and Elijah are still playing Trivial Pursuit, and Cami is quickly reading off card after card, frustrated that Elijah knows the correct answer to every question she asks) Cami: What three European countries begin with the letter "A?" Elijah: (bored) Albania, Austria, Andorra. Cami: (makes a frustrated face and throws the card aside) Agh! Okay, hey! Who was the only U.S. president to earn a Ph.D? Elijah: (makes himself another drink) The rather tedious Woodrow Wilson. Cami: (groans and tries to find another question in the stack of cards) "Who rode secretariat to the triple crown in 1973?" Elijah: Ron Turket. Cami: (throws up her hands in frustration) No! I refuse to believe that you just happened to know that! (In her exasperation and drunkenness, she accidentally spills Elijah's drink onto the table and his shirt sleeve and immediately apologizes) Cami: (laughs) I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Elijah. Here. (She hands him a hand towel to clean himself up, which he takes to blot the alcohol from his shirt while she starts looking through the game cards) Ohhh... Okay, who was... (The longer he tries to dry off his shirt, the more furiously he begins scrubbing at his sleeve, until Cami finally notices and becomes concerned) Elijah? Are you okay? Hey, Elijah. (She reaches out to touch his hand, but Elijah quickly grabs her by the wrist to stop her. Her eyes widen in alarm, but he gently sets her arm down) Elijah: I'm not as fragile as my brother suggests. (They look at each other for a moment until Elijah's phone rings. He answers it, thinking it's Rebekah) Elijah: (on the phone) Rebekah, where on Earth are you? (He pauses and listens to the voice on the other end) I see. No, I must have been dialing the wrong number. Forgive me. (He hangs up the phone, looking distressed) [ Mikaelson Compound ] (After the break, Elijah calls Klaus, who is anxiously wandering around the compound, to inform him of this newest development) Klaus: (on the phone) What do you mean, she's gone? Elijah: I just received a call from Angelica Barker, who is still very much herself. (Klaus stops at the end of the hall, where Kol is eavesdropping on his phone call from the nearby doorway) Klaus: (to Elijah) Stay where you are. I'll handle it. Kol: Everything all right? Klaus: It will be, provided you've found a solution to this little quandary of ours. Kol: Well, I might have. I'm not sure you're gonna like it, though. Klaus: I'm not sure we have a choice. Kol: There are things that we need from the lycée, which means we need it clear of Finn. And, knowing him, there's only one thing that will distract him for long enough. Klaus: (scowls) And what's that? Kol: If you tell him where to find our mother. (Elsewhere, Hayley has led Jackson into her bedroom where they can talk privately) Jackson: Hey, what's going on? Hayley: We need to talk. Jackson: Are you okay? Hayley: Uh, no. I mean, I was just thinking that if we're going through with this marriage, I wanna do it right, and I wanna be honest with you. (Jackson looks at her nervously as Hayley takes a deep breath) The last couple of days, when I was gone? The truth is... I was with Elijah. Jackson: (confused) Okay? Hayley: (looks guilty) No, I mean... I was with Elijah. (Jackson seems shocked, and turns away from her to pace around and rub his face with his hands as he processes this revelation. Hayley, looking even more guilty, waits in silence for him to say something) Jackson: (takes a deep breath) Are you in love with him? (Hayley gulps nervously, but remains silent. Jackson looks hurt) Right. Guess I already knew that, didn't I? Hayley: It doesn't matter how I feel, Jack. This isn't about me or you. It's... Jackson: (finishes for her) It's a sacrifice? Hayley: That's not what I said. Jackson: No. Hayley, you didn't have to. (Jackson, overwhelmed, walks away without saying another word, leaving Hayley alone in her room) (Meanwhile, Josh is leading Aiden up a staircase near the courtyard, which leads them to an empty wing of the compound) Aiden: You really think there's a way out up here? Josh: Uh, nope! Not a chance. One of the vamps even tried climbing up on the roof. No dice, (Josh looks around to make sure nobody is nearby before gently shoving Aiden against a wall) .. but, I figure, as long as we're trapped here in the Witch-Bubble-Of-Doom, might as well make the most of it! Aiden: (smiles) Ah! (Josh kisses him, but Aiden pulls away after a moment) Aw, come on. Someone might come up. Josh: (confused) So? I don't really care if somebody sees me making out with my boyfriend. (Aiden looks a little stunned and chuckles) And, I totally just called you my boyfriend. Aiden: Yep! Josh: Soooo, that happened. Aiden: (sighs) Look, the wolves don't know about us yet. Josh: (surprised) Okay, Aiden, please tell me that I did not get mrder and come back from the dad just to get shoved back into the closet. Aiden: No! No, no, no, it's not that. It's just... you're a vampire. And, you know, it's great that your friends are cool with this, but it's different for the wolves. I mean, you don't know how Marcel and his vampires made us suffer. Josh: No, you're right. I don't. Because I had nothing to do with what happened back then. Aiden: Yeah, well, trust me. You were the bad guys. (Suddenly, Josh is ht by a spell of some kind and doubles over in pain. He starts panting to try to breathe through it, but his vision starts to blur) Aiden: (concerned) Josh? (Josh continues to sputter and groan, as he becomes overcome with bloodlust. He notices Aiden's carotid artery pulsing under his skin and uses all the willpower he has to keep himself from feeding on him) Aiden: (becomes more worried)...Josh? (Suddenly, the scene cuts to Finn, who is casting a spell on Josh at the lycée. At the compound, Josh frantically shakes his head to try to snap out of it) Josh: (overwhelmed) Something's wrong. Aiden: (steps toward him) Are you OK? Josh: (shoves Aiden back to keep him from coming any closer) No! I-I can't be up here with you right now. (Josh stumbles down the stairs away from Aiden and finds Marcel and Gia, who are hanging out in the dining room. They both look worried as Josh continues to double over in pain) Marcel: Whoa, hey! Slow down! Josh: All I can think about is blood! It's like when I first turned, only a hundred times worse! (The scene cuts to Finn, who is slaughtering some kind of animal as part of a sacrificial magic spell. As he removes the entrails and uses them in the spell, Gia suddenly doubles over at the compound) Gia: (groans) Whoa! Marcel: Gia! (Finn continues the spell and causes Marcel to double over as well, overcome by hunger. Suddenly, Klaus storms into the room) Klaus: (annoyed) Your vampires seem to think it's lunch-time! (He notices all of them struggling to stay calm and becomes worried) What is it? Marcel: They're not the only ones who are hungry. It's all of us. Josh: Yeah, like super-size hungry. And there's an all-you-can-eat werewolf buffet right through those doors. (They all look into the courtyard, where more vampires are rolling around in pain while the werewolves sit and socialize, oblivious to what's happening. Gia's vampire-face starts to emerge as she stares at the wolves, and Klaus suddenly realizes that Finn is responsible for what is happening) [ The Lycee / Mikaelson Compound ] (Finn has just received a call at the lycée from Klaus, and he answers it as he walks into the greenhouse) Finn: Klaus! Willing to concede so soon? Klaus: I merely seek to negotiate. You want our mother, I want out of this bloody compound. The economics of what comes next should be easy to grasp, even for you. Finn: What I want, brother, is to exterminate the plague that is your kind. What I want is to watch the flames flicker over your smoldering corpse. (On the other end, Klaus is rolling his eyes mockingly) What I want is to hear the silence once you finally stop screaming. Klaus: (makes a static-y noise with his mouth) I'm sorry, we must have a bad connection. (Finn laughs sarcastically) Could you repeat everything you said after "What I want?" Finn: Oh, I'm so happy to hear that hunger hasn't yet sapped your humor. But, I should warn you, brother, if those vampires even attempt to feed, they'll find themselves ravenous. Unable to stop. (Klaus suddenly becomes nervous) So, every moment that you waste with me will only lead you to the inevitable carnage. Klaus: (remains silent for a moment before he speaks) Esther for our freedom. Do we have a deal? Finn: Well, I think I know better than to trust your honesty. But, yes, if I find our mother unharmed, then I might consider granting your reprieve. Klaus: (growls) Saint Roc Number 1. The Delphine tomb. (Klaus angrily hangs up and heads back downstairs to plan their next move) [ Fauline Mansion / Witch Asylum ] (Rebekah and Cassie are in a room, sitting on the floor, where Rebekah has spelled out "SOS RMIKAELSON WTCHASYLM" in lettered tiles) Rebekah: All we have to do is just pop this message off to my brothers. (She holds out her arms toward Cassie) Give me your hands and lead the way, I don't know what I'm doing. Cassie: (nervous) I can't. The pills they give us are lobilia flower. It makes it impossible to concentrate. No one can do much magic here. Rebekah: (frustrated) You're a Harvest girl, for God's sake! Now, pull yourself together! (Cassie reluctantly clasps Rebekah's hands and starts to slowly speak the incantation so Rebekah can follow her lead) Cassie: Prends ce mesage s'a, les mots sur le vent. Rebekah: (joins Cassie) Prends ce mesage s'a, les mots sur le vent. (The two continue to chant the spell, as wind starts to blow through their room. Suddenly, the door opens, and the blonde, scarred member of the Kindred from earlier walks into the room and stares at them) Blonde Kindred Witch: (after a long pause) Time to eat. (Cassie and Rebekah get up off the floor and join the rest of the house for dinner. Once they've left, the message they spelled out is magically scattered across the floor) [ Mikaelson Mansion ] (Most of the werewolves and vampires are still congregated in the courtyard, where the vampires are huddled in a group on one side of the room. The werewolves watch the vampires curiously on the other side, noticing that they're visibly anxious and restless. Suddenly, one of the vampires accidentally runs into Jared, and the two glare at each other, forehead to forehead) Jared: Watch it! Gia: (shouts) Hey! (She lunges toward them and pulls the vampire away, while Jackson pulls Jared in the opposite direction) Jackson: Break it up! (Marcel watches from the dining room and turns toward Klaus and Kol) Marcel: Things are getting testy out there. Come on, we better move this along. Kol: Uh, Vincent's boundary is too strong. But, what Davina and I can do is cast a destruction spell. It would temporarily neutralize all magical objects in the compound, including the compound itself. If it works, well, then it will give us sixty seconds to escape whilst the boundary is shut down. Marcel: Alright, alright, that sounds good to me. Klaus: If the spell works, it will suppress all magical objects in the vicinity. That means your rings. Marcel: (groans in frustration) And if we go outside in the sun without our rings, we're dad. Klaus: Unless you wait for nightfall. Marcel: Agh. (He looks out toward the courtyard where the vampires are hanging out) They're also new. They're not going to be able to fight the hunger. We can't wait until nightfall. We're going to have a bloodbath on our hands before we even get close. (Marcel, Klaus, and Kol look at each other, at a loss for options) [ Mikaelson Safe House - Arkansas ] (Elijah is looking out the window of the living room, where he's in the midst of having more flashbacks about chasing Hayley/Tatia down the hallway in his dream, where he is covered in blood. He starts to hyperventilate and gasp for breath. After a moment, Cami quietly comes into the room to talk to him) Cami: Elijah? (She walks closer to him and takes a deep breath) Elijah, are you okay? Hey, I know you're worried about Rebekah... (She reaches her hand out to gently touch his shoulder, but he turns and swats her away, his vampire-face coming out as he looks at her. Cami becomes frightened and starts to back away from him while Elijah tries to control himself) Cami: Elijah? Elijah, please. Calm down. (She backs up until she hits the wall and is cornered by him) Elijah, please calm down! (She closes her eyes and ducks, sure that he's going to attck her, but when nothing happens, she opens her eyes to find that Elijah is gone. She relaxes and tries to catch her breath, relieved that she didn't get hurt) [ Fauline Mansion / Witch Asylum ] (Rebekah is in her bedroom, desperately trying to open the windows so she can get out of there, but they're locked) Rebekah: (frustrated) Kol. (She hears the sound of wind behind her, and looks down at the floor to see that the lettered tiles have moved to spell "WHO ARE YOU") Rebekah: (to the floor) Rebekah bloody Mikaelson. Who the hell are you? (Rebekah waits for a response, but it never comes. When she turns around, she sees a spirit of some kind with blonde hair and a black lace dress who is clutching a silver and blue necklace in her hands. She screams, and the blonde Kindred witch and the nurse come into her room and look at her suspiciously) Rebekah: She was just here! (The nurse slowly approaches her) No, you don't understand, there was somebody in my room! There was... look. Just listen to me, OK? There's a girl! A girl in black! (Rebekah backs up and accidentally knocks her pillow on the floor, revealing the pills she had pretended to take she had hidden underneath) Nurse: She hasn't been taking her pills! Rebekah: No! (The nurse reaches over to restrain her, but Rebekah, temporarily forgetting that she's no longer a vampire, goes into auto-pilot and shoves the nurse on the bed before biting into his neck. When the blonde witch rushes toward her, she throws her into a nearby dresser, where she hits her head and falls unconscious. Rebekah catches her breath and makes a face when she realizes the nurse's blood is in her mouth) Rebekah: Ugh, that's disgusting. (Rebekah runs out of the room and into the common area, looking around frantically for the girl she just saw. Suddenly, the spirit appears in the doorway before walking up the stairs, and Rebekah quickly decides to follow her) Rebekah: Here's hoping you're a friendly ghost. (She gets ready and runs as fast as she can up the stairs) [ Delphine Tomb ] (Finn breaks through the brick wall that Klaus built to entomb Esther, and finds her sitting weakly on the floor when he makes it inside. He smiles happily) Finn: Mother? I thought for sure I'd find you dad! I've come to save you! Esther: (sighs in relief) I knew you would, my sweet child. (She goes to caress his face with her hand, but her vampire face pops out, revealing that she ultimately decided to drink the blood bag instead of dying. Finn sees the empty blood bag next to her before he backs away, looking absolutely horrified. Esther looks miserable and disgusted with herself) Finn: No. [ Mikaelson Compound ] (Davina and Kol are setting up for their destruction spell at the entrance of the compound, passing the ingredients through the barrier as they create a circle with sand and salt place reddish-pink flower petals in the middle. Across the room, tensions are still running high between the two species, especially when Jared picks a fight with a nearby vampire) Jared: What are you looking at? (He shoves the vampire, who lunges toward him. Josh, who is at the bar, looks backward at them in concern. Gia, too, has noticed the fight and rushes over to intervene) Vampire 1: You want a piece of me? (Jared picks up a nearby table and smashes it into pieces, before he and another werewolf quickly pick up two wooden legs to use as stakes. When Jared swipes it at one of them, Aiden rises to his feet to break it up) Aiden: HEY! (When Aiden grabs Jared's shoulder to pull him away, he spins around and swipes at Aiden, which cuts a long, bloody gash into his forearm. The smell of his blood stirs up the vampires even more, and they all hungrily start to circle around him. Vampire 1 jumps on Aiden and pushes him on his back while Vampire 2 holds him down, but before either of them can feed on him, Josh rushes over and snaps one of the vampires' neck to save him before pulling the other away, who is held back by Jackson and Marcel. Aiden looks over at Josh gratefully, but then he, too, is overcome by hunger and stares at his bloody arm in a daze. His vampire face comes out, and he looks as though he's about to pounce when Klaus appears out of nowhere) Klaus: Joshua! You get away from him right now. (This seems to snap Josh out of it, as Jackson manages to incapacitate the other vampire who tried to attck Aiden) Marcel: (struggles to hold Jared back) Davina! Start the spell! (Kol and Davina quickly continue setting up, tearing up herbs and lighting candles) [ Fauline Mansion / Witch Asylum ] (Rebekah continues to follow the spirit up the stairs, to an attic of some sort. The spirit passes through the locked door, but when Rebekah tries to open it, she finds that there is no doorknob, just a keyhole. She pounds on the door, but it still won't open) Rebekah: (throws herself against the door) Stu... stupid human body! (She starts to walk away, visibly disappointed, until she suddenly hears a creaking noise behind her. When she turns back, she sees the door is ajar, and quickly walks through it. Inside, the room is extremely dusty, as though no one has been in there in a long time. In the middle of the room is a wooden coffin with a clear lid, though it has become foggy with age and dust. Inside the coffin is the same girl who led her up there, who is clutching the same necklace - Dahlia's necklace, from the flashbacks in Wheel Inside The Wheel. Suddenly, Rebekah hears footsteps coming up the stairs, and when she walks outside the room to investigate, the door magically slams shut behind her. A male witch with long blond hair and two parallel scars on his right cheek glares at her silently) Rebekah: I'm sorry. I'll go willingly. (The witch grabs her by the arm and pulls her downstairs, as Rebekah looks back at the mysterious room) [ Delphine Tomb ] (Finn is still distraught over Esther's transformation) Esther: Finn, please! I fought it for as long as I could. (Finn is turned away from her, and Esther rises to her feet, nearly in tears) Look at me! I am still your mother! (Finn finally looks at her, but it's clear in his face he feels betrayed) I'm sorry! I was just so hungry. Finn: You're a hypocrite. You speak of purification, of cleansing the souls of our family, and yet you caved to temptation instead up standing with your principles! (Esther closes her eyes, ashamed) It was your morality, Mother. Your conviction, that hardened me! That's why I stood by you. (He raises his voice to a shout) That's why I fought for you! I would have done anything for you. My mother. She who gave me life. Esther: (walks toward him) Yes... Finn: But, I know she would want me to finish what we started. (He grabs Esther by the throat and pins her to the wall, as he pulls out an athame and carves the sacrificial magic symbol onto her forehead to take her power as she screams) [ Mikaelson Compound ] (Davina and Kol are finally ready to cast the destruction spell, and have raised their hands parallel to each other to start the incantation, though they mutter it too quietly to be understood. Suddenly, a huge gust of wind comes through and blows out all of the candles around them, and Davina gasps. Davina looks at the threshold of the house and holds out her hand to check for the boundary) Kol: (tries to stop her) Davina! (She keeps going, though, and her hand touches Kol's without burning, revealing that the spell worked. Davina smiles, proud that they did it) Hayley: (steps forward) Okay, Jack, now! Jackson: Come on, go! (He rushes the werewolves out of the house, along with Hayley, while the vampires, who can't leave in the daylight, hide out in the shadows until it's safe again. Aiden looks over at Josh, who gives him a rueful look before he leaves) Kol: (shouts to the crowd) Remember, sixty seconds! (Before the time's up, Klaus grabs the fleeing Kol and throws him back into the compound, where he falls and hits the stone floor, cutting his forehead. Klaus stays outside the boundary with Davina while still blocking Kol from leaving) Klaus: Slight change of plans, brother. I no longer have to treat you as anything but the treacherous liar that you truly are. Kol: What the bloody hell? Klaus: Where is she? (Kol looks backward at the vampires, who are looking at him hungrily but cannot lunge for him while their daylight rings are neutralized) Davina: (to Klaus) Please! They'll kll him! Klaus: Well, he should have thought about that before he betrayed our sister! Rebekah never made it to her new body, did she? And, seeing as you cast the spell and, well, you're you, I'd hardly call it an uncrackable case! Kol: Rebekah's fine, Nik! (He angrily starts to walk toward him) It was a prank, nothing more than anything you lot have done to me, but I bet it's different when it's one of y... aah! (He's cut off when he crosses the boundary, which has been put back up, and burns his hand) Klaus: Oooh. Barrier's back up. (The vampires, realizing they can go back out in the sunlight, start to swarm around Kol) And those vampires look oh-so hungry. Now, I was willing to welcome you back in my home! But you had to return to your petty, selfish jealousies! Well, let's see how well they help you survive when you're stuck in there! (Klaus storms away, leaving Davina, who is scared for Kol, to watch helplessly as the vampires swarm him. Kol backs up and accidentally bumps into Marcel, who is starving and looking at him with rage in his eyes) Kol: (terrified) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Davina: (whispers) Marcel... (Marcel looks back at Davina for a moment, and after seeing her face, he reluctantly turns to Kol and shoves him backwards toward the stairs) Marcel: If I were you, I would make myself scarce. Go! (Marcel blocks the staircase so the vampires can't follow him, and Davina gives him one last look before she leaves) [ The Bayou ] (Hayley is outside of Jackson's trailer in the Bayou, sitting at a picnic table, when he returns with beers for both of them) Jackson: I should have known this whole thing would go to hell the moment Klaus offered me those damn moonlight rings. Hayley: God, moonlight rings, daylight rings... if I never hear the word "ring" again, it will be all too soon. (She takes a sip of her beer as Jackson turns toward the campfire. He pulls out a small box with an engagement ring inside and takes a deep breath before he turns back toward her) Jackson: Maybe just one more. (He holds the ring out to Hayley, who is shocked and speechless) I had no right to act the way I did earlier. Okay? You were just being honest with me. And that is something I should have done with you from the very beginning. (He takes another deep breath) I love you, Hayley. I think I always have. Hayley: (overwhelmed) Jack... Jackson: No, let me say this. I... I know we're only doing this to fix all the stuff that we broke when we sold our souls for those damn rings. Okay? But, I loved you before I knew you. And every moment that I spend with you, every single thing that I learn about you just makes me love you even more. But, I promise that we will turn this around for our pack. We'll save our friends from whatever hell we've dragged them into, and that is the only thing I can ask from you. (He takes the ring out of the box and holds it in his fingers) Because I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, Hayley Marshall, and forcing you to love me isn't gonna be one of them. But, I want to marry you. (Hayley smiles, and tears fill her eyes) And I knowing everything that I know, I hope to hell that you'll marry me. (Hayley starts to cry and caresses his face with her hand as she nods in agreement. Jackson starts to laugh with joy, and he puts the engagement ring on her left ring finger) [ Llafayette Cemetery ] (Klaus is on the phone with Elijah, who is standing on the porch of the safe house, while he stands in the crypt where Esther once kept him locked up) Klaus: I need you to trust me. I can handle finding Rebekah. Elijah: Brother, you are asking me to do nothing. Klaus: Elijah, right now, the most important thing is that you are there, protecting Hope. Elijah: (sighs) So be it. (Cami tries to sneak onto the porch without Elijah noticing) I shall remain here with the... hopelessly courageous Camille. She certainly has charisma, though she does lack stealth. (He smiles and turns around to see Cami standing there, listening to them) Let me call you back. (Elijah hangs up on Klaus and approaches Cami) Cami: (slightly nervous) I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I just thought you left. Elijah: I owe you an apology. My sister's missing, my family's in jeopardy, I am... uh, utterly powerless to help them. This is not a state of affairs I'm accustomed to. (Cami stares at him, still slightly scared, as he steps closer to her, smiling uncomfortably) Perhaps I'm not weathering this ordeal as well as one would hope. (He stops talking, not sure what to say next, and waits a moment) Forgive me. Cami: (thinks about this, and smiles) If you ever want to talk about it... It's kind of what I do. (They smile at each other, finally at ease, and Cami leads them both back into the house) [ Delphine Tomb / The Oliver Tomb / Mikaelson Compound ] (At the cemetery, Klaus has come to the crypt where he had entombed Esther, only to find the wall broken through and Esther gone. He sees the empty blood bag on the floor and sighs) (At the Oliver tomb, Finn lays down Esther's body next to Mikael in the same spelled circle on the floor as the one in the lycée. Both of them have their foreheads carved with the sacrificial magic symbol. He stands to his feet and looks down at his d*ad/neutralized parents) Finn: We were a family once. I can remember the love between you. How happy you were that I was your son. And I remember the day that we lost our Freya. And how we never got that happiness back. I remember it all. You should have stopped there. Instead, you had them, the monsters you call children. And for that, you will all pay. (At the compound, Marcel, Gia, Josh and the other vampires are pacing around the house, still suffering from extreme hunger. Kol walks out onto the balcony to check on things, but when he sees the hungry vampires, he heads back to his room. Once there, he blocks the door with several pieces of furniture. As he paces around, he accidentally knocks over the photo of Rebekah from 1914 onto the floor, and stares at it guiltily) [ Fauline Mansion / Witch Asylum ] (The two blonde Kindred witches carry a half-asleep Rebekah back into her room and lay her down onto her bed. The man nods at the woman, who gives Rebekah one last suspicious look before they both leave. While she sleeps, the lettered tiles on the floor shuffle themselves up. The scene cuts upstairs to the glass-topped coffin in the locked room before returning to Rebekah's room. Suddenly, the tiles on her floor go from spelling "WHO ARE YOU" to "FREYA") [ END ]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x10 - Gonna Set Your Flag On f*re"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Vincent/Finn: You mean you don't recognize me? Klaus: It's been a long time, Finn. Klaus: Hayley and I will return home. Elijah will remain here with you. He's been experiencing some side effects since his ordeal as our mother's cptive. Hayley: You ready to do this thing? Get hitched? Jackson: It's a mystical unification ceremony. Hayley: You wolves are here because you want freedom. Marcel: My vamps and I are willing to stand with you against the witches. Finn: You're brokering a truce. Kol: Did he really just trap us all in here? Aah! Finn: Those vampires even attempt to feed, they'll find themselves unable to stop. Kol: What Davina and I can do is cast a disruption spell. It'll give us 60 seconds to escape once the boundary is shut down. Hayley: (steps forward) Okay, Jack, now! Jackson: Come on, go! Klaus: Slight change of plans, brother. Davina: (to Klaus) They'll kll him. Klaus: He should've thought about that before he betrayed our sister. Klaus: Yaah! Barrier's back up. (The vampires, realizing they can go back out in the sunlight, start to swarm around Kol) And those vampires look oh-so hungry. [ ST. ANNE'S CATHOLIC CHURCH / MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (A woman covers up all of the statues inside the church with red satin sheets. Outside, children wearing red and white run through the street carrying flags, while adults, also clad in red and white clothing, mingle on the sidewalks. A parade of parishioners march up the main street in white and red robes, some carrying their own statues covered in red sheets. Among the crowd is Klaus, who is rushing down the street while he talks to Marcel on his cell phone.) Klaus: I've searched the entire French Quarter. Finn has vanished. I can't remove the barrier that has you trapped until I have my hand around his throat. Marcel: (sighs, exhausted) I was hoping you had a "Plan B". Klaus: Davina. She doesn't know it yet, but she's going to help me break his spell. Your job... Keep Kol alive. At least until we learn Rebekah's whereabouts. (Marcel rolls up his left shirtsleeve and looks down at his forearm, where he has a large, nasty-looking werewolf bite. He winces quietly and sighs again as he flashes back to the previous day, when he was restraining one of the werewolf leaders, Jared, who ended up biting him.) Klaus (impatient): Are you listening to me? Marcel: Yeah. That all sounds fine and good, but listen... when I was getting the werewolves out, I got bit. (Klaus stops in his tracks and closes his eyes as he sighs, clearly stressed and anxious.) Klaus: I will get you my blood. I will get you out of that house, Marcellus. (Marcel nods) Whatever it takes. (The two hang up. Marcel looks over at the Mikaelson seal on one of the walls, which has a dragon eating an animal underneath the M. As he stares at it, his vision starts to blur, and the werewolf venom causes him to be transported into a flashback.) [ FLASHBACK - MIKAELSON MANSION, 1916 ] (Marcel is in his Army uniform as he stares at the same golden Mikaelson seal on the wall. Suddenly, Klaus begins to shout at him.) Klaus: You are not leaving this bloody house, Marcel! (Marcel pulls out a folded letter and hands it to Klaus.) Marcel: My enlistment papers say otherwise. (Klaus takes the papers and looks at them, visibly furious.) 369th Regiment. They call them the Harlem Hellfighters. Boat leaves tomorrow. Klaus: (continues to read the papers) Is this lunacy because I forbid you to be with Rebekah? (Marcel snatches the papers from him) So, now you're going off to fight the Germans? Fine. Go. But remember, Marcel, this is your home! I am your family and, if you haven't learned that in the century since I took you in, then learn it now! Family are not just people who coddle you, who grant you your every whim. They are people who fight for you, who you fight for, and if this family endeavors to stop you from making a tragic error of the heart, then, by all means, express your discontent, but what you do not do is abandon us! (Marcel, who has been unable to look Klaus in the eye during his speech, gives him a hard look. He silently reaches down to pick up his bag and slings it over his shoulder as he starts to head for the door.) Klaus: Fine. Go! You'll be back! (He lowers his voice once Marcel has left) The prodigal son always returns home. (END FLASHBACK) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (In the present day, Marcel snaps out of his flashback and pinches the bridge of his nose, clearly affected by the werewolf venom in his veins. He suddenly notices the sounds of his fellow vampires, who are groaning from hunger and who are all congregated in the courtyard, waiting for instructions. He looks down at them from the balcony, and Gia and Josh look back up at him in concern.) Marcel: Yeah, I'm home, alright. Last place I wanna be. Brotherhood of the Damned Original air date: 26th January, 2015 (Marcel is sitting on a couch in one of the studies downstairs, checking on his werewolf bite, and when Kol enters the room to join him, he quickly covers it up. The sound of church bells ring loudly throughout the compound) Kol: What's with the church bells? It sounds like the preamble to me own bloody funeral. Marcel: It's Carillon Eve. The locals shroud the eyes of angels so the dad can walk among us for a night without judgment. The bells wake the dad and guide them to eternal rest. (His tone becomes sarcastic) So, whether you live or die today, you can join the festivities. Kol: (laughs humorlessly) Oh, Marcel. You're gonna make certain that I live. I'm the only one that knows how to find Rebekah! Marcel: That's because you underestimate how hungry I am, and how much I'd like to appease my hungry friends right outside that door. Kol: (stretches his legs in front of him as he sits across from Marcel) And just what would Davina say about that? Because I'm not one to kiss and tell, obviously, but, uh, I think she likes me! Marcel: Watch your mouth. (He stands and gets in Kol's face) Before I drain every vein of yours myself. (Kol gives Marcel a curious look before Marcel storms out of the room and joins the vampires in the courtyard, shutting the door so that Kol stays inside the room and away from them. Suddenly, his vision starts to blur again, and everyone in the room disappears as Marcel becomes extremely woozy. The furniture changes to that of the mid-to-late 1910s, and Marcel hallucinates a familiar face: Joe Dayton, his vampire friend who was klled by the Guerreras, and who is standing in a World wr I Army uniform) Marcel: (whispers) Joe? Joe: (smiles) Hey, Corporal. [ FLASHBACK - SECHAULT, FRANCE, 1918 ] (Marcel, Joe, and the rest of the Harlem Hell Fighters are deep in the trenches as shts are fired in their direction. The soldiers are all covered in dirt and soot, and are quickly reloading their rfles. Joe is crouched next to Marcel, and notices his daylight ring on his right hand) Joe: You're a bit of a mystery, son. Marcel: (looks at him suspiciously) I'm just another soldier like you, brother. Joe: Yeah? Not just like me. See, I've been watching you. (Marcel continues to stare at him, not sure where the conversation is going) Yeah. Now, I see you take bllts to the gut, then next minute, I see you pulling guys into the trench like nothing ever happened. It's some mystery. With a mystery comes theories. I got two. One, you've got guardian angels patching you up every time you get sht. (Marcel cocks his gn, ready to get back in the fight) Two, you're something else all together. (Suddenly, their leader approaches them in the trench, interrupting Joe and Marcel's conversation) Major: Listen up, men! Headquarters said there aren't enough gas masks for the whole unit. Joe: (incredulous) Without masks? We're dad in hours! Major: Have you forgotten what they call us? We're the Brotherhood of the Damned, because we've been set up to fail. We can't hold fre. We're meant to starve, not stop the enemy. Marcel: (appalled) Now, hold on, Major! Our line has held longer than any line in the Western front! They call us the Brotherhood of the Damned because everyone here would rather be damned than let the enemy break this line! If you don't know that, then we need a leader who does! Major: Now, you listen here, Private... (Suddenly, the Major is ht in the head by a shell, and Marcel leaps forward to cover him from the impending gn) Marcel: Major! (to the rest of the unit) Get down! (As the rest of the men dive for cover, Marcel stands above them, shielding them from the blasts. The rest of the men look at him, both impressed and confused. Joe grabs Marcel by the front of the shirt and slams his back into the wall of the trench) Joe: Listen here! I don't care what you are, or how you do what you do. But, I believe you're here for a reason. (Marcel tries to walk away, but Joe pulls him back) To be the leader you just talked about. (He lets Marcel go and stands back, adjusting his battle helmet) So, what's it going to be, Marcel? (Marcel looks around to see the rest of the unit staring at him expectantly, waiting to see how he reacts. He considers his options for a moment) (END FLASHBACK) [ PRESENT DAY - MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (In the present, Gia calls out Marcel's name to snap him out of his hallucination/flashback) Gia: Marcel? Marcel! (Suddenly, Marcel snaps out of it, and realizes that all of the vampires, including Gia and Josh, are staring at him with concern) Gia: ...You alright? Marcel: Yeah. (He nods unconvincingly) Just hungry, that's all. (He leaves the courtyard. Gia shakes her head in disbelief and looks over at Josh, who appears to be worried about him) [ ST. ANNE'S CATHOLIC CHURCH ] (Klaus is pacing around in front of the sacristy while Davina sets up a magical circle with runes made out of salt on the floor in front of the first row of pews) Klaus: Haven't you found Finn yet? (Davina just ignores him and continues to work on setting up for her spell) I must say, for a witch of your caliber, your spells are not particularly efficient. Davina: (sighs in frustration) Finn is blocking my locator spell. So, I'm trying something new. But, I need to concentrate, and it would help a lot if you would stop standing over me like a stalker. Klaus: No need to get testy, love. We both have the same goal. Davina: (lights a match to start lighting candles) Really? Because my goal is to get Kol out of your house alive. Which seems to be about number ten on your list. Klaus: (smirks) Number nine, at least! Davina: (exasperated) What is wrong with you? He's your brother! Klaus: Yes! And, I also have a sister, one who I happen to care about more. (Davina rolls her eyes) So, until he tells me where she is, Kol can rot, as far as I'm concerned. And, you might wanna get your villains straight, love, because Finn is the architect of this fiasco. So, pick up the pace, find out where he's getting his power from, so we can stop it! (Davina raises her eyebrows, clearly amused, before making a face and starting her spell. She holds out her hands and begins to chant the incantation) Davina: We du le mon ennemi en temps. We du le mon ennemi en temps. (As she chants, she begins to get visions of Finn, who is casting his own spell over a bowl of what looks like blood somewhere in Lafayette Cemetery. He has several objects, including a fox tail, a feather, and a deer antler. When Davina comes to, she looks extremely concerned) Davina: I saw glimpses of him. (Klaus looks at her anxiously) He's combining sacred objects. Totems. Representational magic. Klaus: Where? (Davina dives back into her visions, and gets more flashes of Finn working on his spell in one of the tombs) Davina: Lafayette No. 1. The Lyonne tomb. Klaus: And what's he using? (Davina dives in again and sees both Esther and Mikael laying desiccated in the middle of another salt circle) Davina: (shocked) He's channeling your parents! Klaus: (smiles widely) And here I thought I was the poster-child for least grateful offspring! (At the Lyonne tomb, Finn is continuing his spell, and is about to place one of the sacred objects into the bowl of blood) Well, then. Shall you and I go crash their little party? (Davina follows Klaus as he leads them out of the church. Suddenly, Finn starts to dip a wolf paw into the blood, and Klaus stops in his tracks, gasping for breath) Davina: (annoyed) Now who needs to pick up the pace? (Finn lights a smudge-stick and starts burning it over the bowl, wafting the smoke, just as Klaus suddenly loses consciousness and falls to the floor. Davina, concerned, rushes over to him to check on him) Davina: Klaus? [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] (Elijah and Cami are sitting in the living room, where Cami is trying to help him deal with the after-effects of Esther's trture) Cami: Our goal here is to confront your subconscious. An element of my thesis is on suppression of past trauma and how it can manifest in a barren and often violent behavior. Elijah: (smiles sarcastically) You know, I believe it was 1897 when a dear friend of mine - let's just call him the godfather of modern psychoanalysis - mentioned something similar to me over tea in a Viennese café. Cami: (giggles) Are you name-dropping Freud right now? (Elijah shrugs with a smile) Okay, here's something I know that even Freud didn't. Elijah: Oh, do tell! Cami: What it feels like when someone takes away your deepest, ugliest pain without your consent. (Elijah's smile falls when he realizes what she's talking about) It is both a blessed relief and a complete violation. Sound familiar? (Elijah looks at her, clearly not liking where this is going) Good. Let's start with what you've referred to as the "red door." Elijah: (quietly) That's an image from my past. My youth. It was a door to a slaughterhouse. Sometimes it appears to me in, uh... (He gestures as he searches for the word) .. in flashes. A memory, but it's also a metaphor. It's a place where unspeakable deeds dwell in darkness. Cami: And have there been many? Elijah: (rises to his feet and begins to pace around the room) Oh, Camille, you know I'm no stranger to volence. Typically, however, I am possessed of a, uh, certain... control. (He runs his fingers across the mantel over the fireplace) However, now and then, I can be consumed with chaos. And, untethered from that control... this is where the deeds are concealed. Behind that door. Cami: Why that particular door? Elijah: This is where the first woman I ever loved told me she loved me in return. (Cami smiles) It's also where I laid her body after I took her life. (Cami's smile falls, and she looks at him sympathetically) No one knows this. Not even Niklaus. My brother loved Tatia as deeply as I did. He still believes that Mother klled her. Not only is this a lie, it's a lie of my creation. And my brother doesn't forgive. (He sighs, visibly troubled by this memory) He doesn't forget. Therefore, I think it's best that I forget for both of our sakes. (While they talk, Finn, who is still in the Lyonne tomb, takes a deer antler and places it in the bowl of blood, swishing it back and forth through the bowl's contents. Suddenly, Elijah becomes weak, and stumbles into the nearby chair) Cami: (worried) Elijah? (As Finn stirs the blood and the totem mixture, Elijah passes out onto the floor in front of Cami) Cami: (more concerned) Elijah? [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Gia and Josh are standing in a hallway next to the courtyard, discussing their current predicament) Gia: What the hell is wrong with Marcel? Josh: (shakes his head) I don't know. I can't even think straight, I'm so freaking hungry. Gia: We're all hungry. (Suddenly, Kol walks down the stairs, and Josh and Gia both turn and look at him, practically salivating at the sight of him. Gia starts walking toward him as he approaches them) Kol: You come anywhere near me, and I will give you a headache that will last a century. Gia: It'll be worth it! (Kol thrusts his hand out and squeezes it into a fist, causing Gia to clutch her head and fall to her knees in agony. Josh lunges toward Kol just as Marcel hears her pained groans and rushes over to investigate) Marcel: (glares at Kol) Anyone care to explain what's going on? (He shoves Kol backward, breaking the spell. Gia gulps as she recovers from the pain he inflicted upon her) Kol: Your so-called protection detail was trying to eat me! (As he speaks, Finn picks up the fox tail and prepares to place it in the bowl of blood in the Lyonne tomb) I think I should teach them a lesson. (Kol reaches out his hand to cast another pain infliction spell on Gia and Josh, but he falls to his knees and passes out before anything can happen, falling prey to Finn's own spell. Marcel, Gia, and Josh are both extremely confused) Josh: Uhhh, what just happened? [ ASTRAL PLANE - HUNT ROOM ] (Klaus, Elijah, and Kol have just awoken on the astral plane, in the middle of an old-fashioned wooden shed. Around them are the heads of various animals mounted on the walls near the low ceiling. They are all confused and worried as they take in their new surroundings) Elijah: Niklaus. Kol: (notices his brothers) You two. Elijah: (annoyed) What is this? (Kol takes notice of the heads of a deer and a fox mounted on the wall) Kol: It's a chambre de chasse. A hunt room. It's where witches bring their prey for mental target practice. Our bodies are in the real world, laying dad on the floor, whilst our minds are in here, represented by these creepy animal heads. Klaus: (not impressed) Let me take a wild guess as to who is the author of this nightmare. (He raises his voice to shout) FINN! Show yourself! (Finn enters the room through the front door. Klaus reaches out to grab him in a choke-hold, but his hand can't even come close to his throat) Finn: (calmly) Save your strength. In here... (He gestures around the room) .. I am untouchable. My magic, my rules. So, make yourselves at home. We're gonna be here for a while. [ THE BAYOU ] (Aiden is meeting with Hayley and Jackson near Jackson's trailer, where he drops nearly a dozen moonlight rings into a bowl on the picnic table) Aiden: Well, that's the last of them! Everyone out here is officially ring-free Hayley: And better off. Aiden: Easy for you to say! You're a hybrid. I'm back to turning every single full moon. And, if the wolves who are loyal to Finn come back here, they're gonna rip right through us. (Hayley and Jackson look at each other, feeling guilty) So I got to ask, when's this wedding? Jackson: Ten days. After that, Hayley's power is your power. The full moon won't control you anymore. (Hayley nods in agreement) Spread the word: Any wolf who wants in needs to be here to bear witness to the wedding. Aiden: Yeah, I can do that. What are you guys gonna do? Jackson: (smiles) We're going to meet an Elder. (Hayley looks at him in confusion) We need an old-school Crescent wolf to conduct the wedding. Then, there are the trials. (Hayley looks even more alarmed) Don't worry! We say a few oaths, do some trust falls, smoke a little blue calamus root out of a peace pipe. Piece of cake! (Jackson smiles at her, but Hayley still looks nervous. Aiden notices her hesitation) Aiden: Well, good luck with that! (Aiden takes his leave, and Hayley turns to Jackson) Hayley: Any idea where we can find an Elder? Jackson: (smiles) Well, that depends! You got any interest in meeting my grandma? (Hayley good-naturedly rolls her eyes and smiles at him as they head off to find their Elder) [ ST. ANNE'S CATHOLIC CHURCH ] (Klaus is still passed out on the floor, where Davina is kneeling over him, frantically slapping him hard across the face in an effort to rouse him) Davina: Wake up! (She slaps him again) Wake up (She sighs in frustration and sits down next to him on the floor) The one time I need you. (Klaus' phone starts to ring, so she pulls it out of his pocket to answer it. It's Cami, who has Hope in her arms, and who is standing over the still-unconscious Elijah at the safe house) Davina: (confused) Cami? Cami: Davina? Why are you answering Klaus' phone? Davina: (sighs) Because I can't wake him up. Cami: (alarmed What? Elijah collapsed, too. What's going on? (Davina suddenly has a dawning realization and groans) Davina: Ugh, I'm an idiot! The spell Finn used was to trap his brothers... (She sighs when she realizes the implications of this situation) Meaning Kol's in trouble. Cami: (gasps) What do we do? Davina: (overwhelmed) I have no idea. [ ASTRAL PLANE - HUNT ROOM / MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Finn is continuing to talk to his brothers while he still has them trapped) Finn: At the very least, this prison is a bit more comfortable than the box you held me in for... almost nine hundred years? Klaus: (gestures to the walls) The heads are a nice touch. Let me guess... (He points to the wolf head hanging behind him) .. I'm the big, bad wolf? (He points to the fox head, the stag head, and the boar head in turn) Kol, the wiley fox. Elijah is the noble stag, and you, fittingly enough, are the boar! Bit obvious, as far as symbolism goes... (He turns his attention to Finn) Why are we here? Don't tell me... It's about Mother? I didn't force her to drink blood and betray everything she holds dear. That was her choice. Finn: This isn't about Mother, this is about you. I want you to know how it feels to be powerless! So, I'm going to take the thing that matters most to you: the city you've come to love so much. Elijah: Are we quite done here? You will release us now. Finn: I will! After sundown. Because at sundown, when the marchers of Carillon Eve take to the streets, my barrier spell drops. Marcel and his hungry vampires will be unleashed to kll their way through the Quarter! I imagine that, after their atrocities, the supernatural community of New Orleans will be forced to find another place to call home. Kol: Look, I don't care about the city. What I care about is that my very human body is laying at the feet of some very hungry vampires. (He points at Elijah) Your fight is with them, it's not with me! Finn: (stares Kol in the eyes) All you care about is your own fragile mortality.But, what if you were made vulnerable? What then? (Finn flicks his wrist, and Kol's body tenses up as blood starts to run from his nose. As he wipes at his nose on the astral plane, Kol's nose starts to bleed in his physical body as well. Gia and Josh, who are standing watch next to his body in the study, begin salivating at the smell of his blood. Gia's vampire face comes out as she lunges for him, but Marcel holds both of them back) Marcel: Easy, easy! If you start feeding, you won't be able to stop, and then he'll be dad, and the rest of us still starve. (Josh and Gia continue to growl and hiss in their attempt to feed on Kol, and Marcel snaps his fingers in their face) Alright? Look at me! I have been at wr, in the trenches, starved, with my men. If we fought through it then, you can now. (Josh and Gia are still struggling to stay in control) We are gonna fight this hunger together. (They both back away from Kol as Marcel becomes woozy from his werewolf bite. He closes his eyes briefly to regain his strength, but when he opens them, he sees Joe in his Army uniform standing behind Gia and Josh in the doorway. Marcel is transported back into his World wr I flashbacks) [ FLASHBACK - SECHAULT, FRANCE, 1918 ] (Joe is sitting in the trench away from the rest of the unit, and watches as Marcel pours powder into the steel mugs of the rest of the men. Once he's done, he heads toward Joe and fills his) Marcel: No gas masks or rations, but we got plenty of cocoa. Joe: More dirt than cocoa, but it'll do. (He looks over at Marcel and sets his mug down on the ground) Corporal, sir? I know you're starving. (Marcel looks over at him as he rolls up his sleeve and offers his arm to him. Marcel shakes his head and gently pushes his arm back toward him) Marcel: Never one of us. Catch me a German, and then we'll talk. (Suddenly, a soldier rushes toward him and calls out for him) Soldier: Corporal! (He salutes to Marcel) You're needed back at headquarters, sir. (Marcel nods at him and claps Joe affectionately on the shoulder before he leaves to go to headquarters. Once he's there, he enters a tent to find a gramophone player playing jazz music and a table full of fancy food, including a roast pig with an apple in its mouth. When Marcel turns to the desk, he finds Klaus sitting at the table with two young ladies standing on either side of him. Marcel looks almost appalled at the exquisite meal on display by Klaus while his troops are starving and fighting for their lives) Klaus: (turns in his desk chair to face Marcel, holding a battle helmet in his hand) Hate the wr. Love the hats. Marcel: (sighs in annoyance) Klaus. What are you doing here? Klaus: Well, you left before such a delicious meal, I thought I'd bring you dessert! (He gestures to the ladies on either side of him, who walk over to Marcel and stand in front of him, baring their necks to him. Marcel struggles to resist feeding on them and glares at Klaus) Klaus: Oh, go on! You know you want to! Have your fill! (Marcel's vampire-face and fangs come out, and he's just about to bite into one of the girls' neck) And then, come home to New Orleans. (Marcel immediately stops what he's doing before he can feed and looks up at Klaus furiously. He backs away from the girls and heads toward the door) Marcel: I have to get back to my men. Klaus: (stands and runs toward Marcel) Your men? Don't be bloody ridiculous, Marcel! Let the food fight amongst themselves if you must, but make no mistake, your place is at home with your family. Marcel: You once told me that family are the people that you fight for, and those willing to fight for you! So, you go home, Klaus! I am with family! (Marcel puts on his helmet and storms out of the tent, leaving Klaus alone) (END FLASHBACK) [ PRESENT DAY - MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (In the present day, Marcel, who is looking even worse for wear, and has a thin sheen of sweat over his face and neck, has zoned out while he was revisiting his memories of the wr. He hallucinates that Joe, still standing in his Army uniform, is severely bleeding from his mouth across the room. Marcel starts to walk toward him, but Gia grabs him by the arm to stop him as she and Josh look at him with concern) Gia: (whispers) Hey. Hey, are you okay? (She notices blood on his sleeve and pulls it up to reveal his bite wound. Marcel tries to yank his arm out of her grip, but she and Josh have already seen it. They both look at him in horror) Josh: Oh my God! Gia: Is that a werewolf bite? Marcel: It's a scratch! Josh: It's a bite. You're six ways to dad if you don't get Klaus' blood in you. (Josh points toward the courtyard) And when those guys find out? Marcel: (cuts him off) Well, they're not gonna to find out! Which means... (He stumbles a moment before regaining his composure and pointing at Gia) .. You're gonna keep your mouth shut about this, and... (He points at Josh) .. You're gonna shut yours, period. (Gia and Josh both sht Marcel a look before they're distracted by the sound of church bells ringing loudly out on the street outside the compound. Children and adults wearing red and white, some in robes, are ringing handbells as well as they march down the street. Marcel is clutching his stomach, overwhelmed by hunger and werewolf venom, as Gia turns back to him) Gia: You hear that? That's the sound of food that we can't even get near while you're sitting here protecting that idiot. (She points at Kol, who is still lying unconscious on the couch) Marcel: It is just hunger, Gia. Lots of people on earth have been a lot hungrier than us. Gia: You made us a promise when you turned us. You had goals we bought into. But look at us! We've been wolf-bait, beaten up, stuck exiled across the river, then stuck here! And now, when we're all looking to you for help, you don't even tell us that you're dying. (Marcel looks as though he's about to interrupt, but she ignores him) You're supposed to be our leader, but right now, you suck at it. (Church bells and handbells continue to ring as Marcel rushes out to the balcony overlooking the courtyard. Down below, the vampires (who have just been joined by Gia and Josh) have all moved to the entrance, where they're all standing in a crowd, overwhelmed by hunger and the sight of all the humans right outside. The vampires are all vamping-out and growling, dying of anticipation. Marcel's hallucination of Joe stands next to him and looks at him) Joe: We don't all get to get out of this alive, son. [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH / MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE / MIKAELSON COMPOUND / ASTRAL PLANE - THE HUNT ROOM ] (The camera pans from Klaus' unconscious body laying on the floor of the church, to Elijah's on the floor of the safe house, to Kol's on the couch in the compound's study, before it returns to the astral plane. Finn has just cast another spell to give Kol a nosebleed, and he wipes the blood off his lip in annoyance) Kol: Okay. Point made. Now, nobody loves a joke like old fox boy here, but if you could just get me back to my body... Elijah: I must confess, I rather enjoy watching you twist in the wind. (He pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket and hands it to Kol to wipe his bloody nose) Not unlike the way you left Rebekah, I imagine. Finn: (points at Elijah) Yes! What did you do to Rebekah? Kol: For goodness sake, she crossed me, so I crossed her back! Look, if you could just get me back to my body, I will tell anybody anything that they need to know! (Finn rolls his eyes and hits Kol with another pain infliction spell, which hurts him enough to stop talking)) Finn: (laughs) How narrow-minded of me! Rebekah. You don't know where she is, and the only thing standing between you and our sister is this selfish fool. Maybe it's time for you to go enjoy the rest of your mortal life while you still can. (Finn makes a fist with his hand, which sends Kol back into his body. Elijah and Klaus are both startled and confused. Kol wakes up on the couch in the study of the Mikaelson compound, and his gasp of surprise alerts Gia, Josh, and the rest of the vampires to his return to consciousness. They all swarm around him, and Kol looks anxious) Kol: ...Is it too late for an apology? (Gia lunges at Kol, with the rest of the vampires right behind her, but before they can get him, Marcel vamp-speeds Kol into another room) Kol: (impressed) Thanks, mate. Marcel: Oh, don't thank me yet. (Marcel is about to lunge at Kol to feed on him when Kol stops him) Kol: (holds out his arms protectively) Whoa whoa whoa, hold it! Hold it together. Just for a little while longer. (He nervously points out the window) A few minutes, to be exact. Marcel: (frowns suspiciously) What are you talking about? Kol: Finn. He plans to release the lot of you at sundown. Marcel: (angrily wipes at his face) The streets will be jam-packed with people right outside the gate. Kol: And you'll be half-crazed with hunger. You'll feed your way through the crowd, and that will be the end of vampires secretly living off the fat of New Orleans. (As Marcel is glaring at Kol, he sees another hallucination of Joe standing behind him. Kol, confused, snaps his fingers in front of Marcel's face) Kol: Marcel! (He takes in how woozy and distracted Marcel is) Listen to me. You are outmaneuvered, out-manned, and, quite frankly, you're... you're out of your mind. We're not going to get out of this alive. Marcel: (determined) No. We are all getting out of this alive. [ THE BAYOU ] (Hayley and Jackson are walking through the woods of the Bayou on their way to meet Jackson's grandmother) Hayley: (sighs dramatically) Are we hiking to Baton Rouge? Jackson: (chuckles) Just a little bit farther. You nervous? Hayley: (shakes her head) I'm not nervous. Although I should be, she is your grandmother. Jackson: (smiles) Huh. She usually likes the girls I bring home. Hayley: (feigns offense) Ohhh! Really! Hmm. Exactly how many girls have you brought to meet her? Jackson: (laughs) No, I've never brought anyone to meet her. (Hayley looks surprised) So, you've gotta make a good impression, since she's got no one crazy to compare you with. Hayley: I am great with old people. And babies. It's just the in-between that I suck at. (Suddenly, Jackson's grandmother, Mary, appears out of nowhere and joins them, holding a basket full of herbs and plants in her hand) Mary: Cute as all this is, y'all are late! Jackson: Grandma Mary! (He gives his grandmother a big hug and kiss on the cheek before turning to Hayley) This is Hayley. Hayley: (smiles widely) Mary, it's so nice to meet you. Mary: (holds up a hand) You can turn off your old-people charm now. (Hayley's smile falls, and she looks uncomfortable) The two of you are late, and we need to get started. Hayley: (awkwardly) Right. (She clears her throat) So, yes, we have pre-marital rituals to attend to. Which are what, exactly? Mary: Fasting, purification, the Rite of Divulgement, to name a few. Hayley: (worried) The Rite of what? Mary: Oh, it's simple. You speak the truth, he speaks the truth, secrets are cleansed, everyone's happy. Hayley: (looks at Jackson in alarm) What do you mean, secrets are cleansed? Mary: The two Alphas smoke the root of the blue calamus flower. It links your hearts and minds together. The ceremony won't take if there are lies separating you. This way, there are none. It's the most important ritual apart from the wedding ceremony itself. (She smiles and pats Hayley on the arm) Hope you don't have too many skeletons in your closet! (Mary starts to lead them to her home, and Jackson starts to follow her, though Hayley stays where she is) Hayley: (panicks) I'm... not doing that. (Mary and Jackson both look at her in confusion, and she turns to him) I'm sorry... I can't. (She looks horrified as she turns and rushes away, leaving Jackson and his grandmother alone in the woods) [ ASTRAL PLANE - HUNT ROOM ] (With Kol gone from the chambre de chasse, Klaus and Elijah are alone with Finn, who seems pleased) Finn: So, what shall we talk about while we wait for nightfall? (He mockingly gasps) Oh! I know! Let's talk about our parents. Klaus: You know, I figured you wouldn't be kind to Mother, but imagine my surprise to learn that Mikael met the same fate! Bravo, brother. Finn: You see, the parent I was interested in talking about was your father. Your real one? I mean, you longed to know him your whole life, yet at the first opportunity, you mrder him! Why, I wonder? Klaus: (approaches him) Possibly the same reason you took out Esther. Severing parental ties has a way of freeing one up to recognize one's true potential. Finn: Quite. But, Esther was no fool. She pinpointed your wants, and knowing your true father was at the top of the list! (He makes a noise to mimic the sound of klling someone) No, something else occupies the top of your list of affections. And it's not your favorite city. (He smacks Klaus on the back, which startles him enough to turn and get in Finn's face) Because I'm about to take that from you, using your own vampires, and I barely get a rise out of you! I thought maybe it was Rebekah, but you remain calm, even when the one who knows her fate probably just met his. Elijah: I am fighting the monumental urge to mount your severed head upon one of these walls... Finn: (ignores him) And then, I thought it was your favorite brother, but Mother broke him into a thousand pieces, and rather than fix him, you left him to fend for himself God knows where. You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were hiding something from me. Something big. Something dark. Maybe your real father found out what it was, and you had to kll him. Klaus: (furious) You want to know why I klled my father? Finn: Yeah! Klaus: Because when blood relations let me down, I don't stop to reason with them, I remove them. Finn: So, the secret is there is no secret? You long for nothing, care for no one? (Klaus smiles at him) The problem is, brother, I don't believe you. It's clear to me that you're hiding something. And, as I control your presence here, we've got all the time in the world to figure out just what that might be. (Finn walks away from him. Elijah's face is blank of emotion, but Klaus looks both furious and terrified of Finn learning the truth) [ THE BAYOU ] (Hayley is alone in the woods when Jackson finally catches up with her) Jackson: Hayley! Hayley? Hayley, wait! Hayley: I can't do it, Jack. Jackson: You're not the only one who has stuff they'd rather not talk about! Hayley: Some of my secrets aren't mine to tell. Jackson: Maybe a little honesty is a good thing! Hayley: Jack, I live with the Original family. In that family, sometimes honesty... can get you klled. Jackson: (looks stunned for a moment, but shakes it off) We all have things we hope will never see the light of day. You probably won't like what I have to say any more than what you're holding back. Hayley: I wish that were true. Jackson: Come back with me! We'll take it one step at a time. And if anything makes you uncomfortable, you tell me, and we stop. (Hayley looks hesitant) And when it comes time to open up, I'll go first. Because I don't run. And I don't scare easy. Your secrets are my secrets. Your demons my demons. And you'll never have to fight them alone. I promise you that. (Hayley still looks torn, and closes her eyes as she takes a deep breath) Please. (He holds out his hand to her, and after a long moment, Hayley gently places her hand in his) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Josh is walking around the crowd of vampires and insisting that they relax, but everyone looks anxious and weak from starvation. Marcel comes out on the balcony over the courtyard, and when Gia sees him, she walks toward him) Gia: I'm gonna give you two minutes to explain why we don't come up there and take the witch. You lied to us! You betrayed everything that you taught us. How can you lead us? [ FLASHBACK - SECHAULT, FRANCE, 1918 ] (Poisonous gas bmb are going off all across the bttlefield. When Marcel returns to the trenches, he finds that everyone in the unit is either dad or dying from exposure to the gas. He starts checking on each of the men in turn) Marcel: No! (The first man he checks is coughing up blood. The others are in similar states. He finally makes his way down to where Joe is laying, blood pouring from his mouth) Joe! Joe, no! (He holds Joe's face in his hands) Joe: (weak) We never did get those gas masks. Marcel: (panicked) I'm sorry. I failed you, brother. Joe: Not if you make us into vampires like you. Let's make this fight more even. Turn us. (Marcel frantically looks around at all of the men coughing and dying in the trench. After a moment, he realizes what he needs to do, and bites into his wrist before letting Joe drink his blood) (END FLASHBACK) [ PRESENT DAY - MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (When Marcel returns to the present, he sees the crowd of vampires gathered around and becomes even more determined) Marcel: Hey! I'm sorry I let you down, okay? All of you. But, the way that you are feeling right now, this despair? This hunger? I have been through it, and if you let me help you survive it, I guarantee you, it will only make you stronger! At sundown, Vincent's gonna drop that barrier spell right there, and those doors are gonna open, and we are gonna be smack in the middle of a parade of innocent people. We can't fall apart now! Gia: Innocent, guilty, we're hungry. We have to feed! Marcel: We don't feed on locals! That's our rule! That's how we've survived three hundred years in this city, and that is why we get to call it home! Because we live by a code. Gia: The same one that won't let you tell your own people that you're dying of a werewolf bite? (The crowd of vampires begin chattering amongst themselves about this revelation, but Marcel vamp-speeds down to the courtyard to continue his speech) Marcel: I'm not dying of anything! I've got a vial of Klaus' blood at my place right across the river, along with enough blood to satisfy all of you! All we have to do is get there. (Marcel looks at Josh) You once asked me what I was fighting for. I told you that I was fighting for this city, for our home. But if we feed out there, we lose it. The barrier will be down any moment now. Let me help you get home. (Suddenly, the church bells begin to ring again, just as the sun goes down and darkens the streets. Marcel and the rest of the vampires turn their attention to the front entrance as Kol comes out on the balcony and hides in the shadows so he can see what happens. Marcel walks to the doorway and gingerly holds out his hand, expecting to get brned, but it passes right through. Realizing the barrier is down, Marcel turns back to the vampires, who are trying their best to keep themselves in control) Marcel: It's down. Let's go. (Kol watches as they all file out of the compound and into the street) [ ASTRAL PLANE - HUNT ROOM ] (Finn, Elijah, and Klaus are each seated in their own chairs while they continue to talk. Finn is still trying to bait Klaus into exposing his secret) Finn: It's a shame, really, for you to lose New Orleans. You've worked so hard to make this city a home. On the other hand, this city hasn't given you much in the way of good fortune. You have Marcel's betrayal, Father's attck, the loss of your child... (Elijah looks worriedly at Klaus, who doesn't react) Elijah: It is a delicate craft. (Finn looks over at him, puzzled) Representational magic. One must be ever so precise. If you misrepresent us, the very enchantment that this room was built upon would collapse, would it not? (Klaus looks at Elijah curiously) Finn: I assure you, you have not been misrepresented. Elijah: Well, that depends upon how well the hunter knows his prey. (Elijah points to himself before standing and looking at the stag head mounted above him) This façade, this illusion that I have created over the course of my life, the noble stag... Is nothing more than a deception. To myself. To everyone. (He turns to Klaus) If I were a truly noble brother, I would not withheld from you a vile deed. One that I, like a coward, allowed Mother to erase from my memory. It was I who klled Tatia. (Klaus is stunned by this confession, and the room starts to shake and warp as Elijah flickers in and out of focus) I hunted her down, and mercilessly, I feasted upon her flesh. I tore her from us. Mother took the blame. (He kneels in front of Klaus) Brother, I felt certain if you knew, you would in no way forgive me. (Elijah looks disgusted and ashamed of himself, but Klaus simply looks at him sadly) Finn: The act may be reprehensible, but your admitting to it proves you to be the man I thought you to be! (He lifts his arms up and gestures around) My magic stands! Klaus: Does it? (He smiles weakly) It turns out my brother is even more depraved than I am. (Elijah looks up at him with tears in his eyes, but Finn looks alarmed as Klaus stands and looks at the heads on the walls) He is the noble stag no longer. Indeed, another altogether different beast is creeping through the cracks. And you have also failed in your representation of me, because there is one thing you have never thought me capable of. (He turns back to Elijah, who looks surprised when he squeezes his shoulder comfortingly) Forgiveness. (The room suddenly begins to shake, and Finn looks scared for the first time since they entered the room) You, Finn, have remained a boar for centuries, but here is where your true fault lies: You never learnt that the bonds of family far outweigh anything else! Such bonds trump petty jealousies. They overcome ancient feuds. And, yes, they are capable of allowing one monster to pardon the great sins of another. (Finn looks up to see the wolf head go up in flames and is startled so much that he jumps to his feet. When Elijah looks over, the stag head is also set ablaze, and the room begins to shake even more) Finn: (stunned) How is this possible? Klaus: Your magic is as flawed as your perception of your own siblings. I wonder, just how untouchable are you? (The brothers lunge for Finn, but before they can reach him, Finn releases the spell, which returns them to their their bodies) [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE / ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] (Elijah wakes first to find Cami sitting next to him, waiting for him to return. She quickly rises to her feet to check him over) Cami: Thank God! Are you okay? Elijah: For now. (Meanwhile, Klaus has just awakened in the church next to Davina, who has been awaiting his return as well) Davina: What happened? Is Kol okay? Klaus: (scoffs) I'm fine, thank you for your concern. The same, however, can not be said for your friends and the people of the French Quarter. Now, I can stand here and explain to you the specifics, or you can show a little trust and come with me. Davina: (shrugs and grabs her coat) I'm the one who's been waiting for you to move your ass. Let's go. (She pushes past Klaus and heads for the compound, and Klaus smiles and chuckles before following her out) [ PRESENT DAY FRENCH QUARTER / FLASHBACK - SECHAULT, FRANCE, 1918 ] (In the present, Marcel is leading the vampires, most of whom are leaning on each other for support, through the streets of the Quarter, which are full to the brim with people celebrating Carillon Eve. Many of the locals are giving the vampires weird looks, as they are sweaty and pale and using all of their self-control to keep from feeding on them) (In flashback, Marcel is in the middle of his unit, who are crowded around him after having completed their transition) Marcel: What you're feeling is a hunger. It will be unlike anything you've ever known. (He continues in voiceover as Gia and Josh struggle to keep it together in the present as they make their way to Marcel's apartment) It will eat you from the inside. (In flashback, Joe comes up behind Marcel, looking proud) But you are in control. It is your greatest wapon, and the Germans are coming over that hill, thinking to waltz over our corpses to take the town! But that's not gonna happen, because one thing stands in the enemy's way! Us! (Joe and many of the others let their vampire-faces out and growl in anticipation. In the present, Marcel is stumbling his way down the street, leaning on Josh and Gia and the others) And make no mistake, we are one unit, one army! We are family. (In the present, Marcel stumbles again, and Josh keeps him from falling completely) Family is not determined by blood, but by who you fight for, and who will fight for you! (In flashback, bmb rain down upon the bttlefield just outside the trench) Tonight, we will feed on the blood of our enemies, and if we die, we will be reborn, and we will feed again! We are the Brotherhood of the Damned, and we cannot be defeated! (The unit all starts to cheer before they head onto the field) Marcel: Over the top! (The German Army sht at the Brotherhood as they storm the field, but despite their gn, the vampires are able to overpower them, and they feed on every soldier they come upon. In the present, Marcel continues to lead his present-day vampire army down the streets of the French Quarter, though he's clearly getting weaker and weaker. During the battle, one of the Germans s*ab Joe with his bayonet, but he just takes it from him and drops it before tearing into his neck and drinking deep. In the present, Gia stumbles, but Marcel manages to hold her up while keeping himself on his feet. More Brotherhood members feed on the Germans) (Marcel is struggling to resist feeding, and keeps taking deep breaths as Gia and Josh cling to him) Gia: (determined) We're gonna make it. (Suddenly, Marcel loses his strength, and his body crumples to the ground as he passes out) [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] (Davina and Klaus have just arrived to the parade of marchers, and they stop to see if anything bad has happened) Davina: Everything's fine out here. Where the hell are they? Klaus: You look around, I'll see if I can track them down. (When Klaus leaves, Davina glances around the crowd until she sees Kol across the street. Relieved to see him alive, she smiles rushes toward him, immediately kissing him as soon as she's within arms reach) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Marcel suddenly awakens on the floor of his apartment, only to find his head is resting in Gia's lap, where she's affectionately rubbing his hair) Gia: Welcome back, soldier. Fed you some of Klaus' blood. You weren't exactly lucid. (She pulls down his sleeve to reveal that his bite has completely healed. Marcel looks around to find that his apartment is covered in empty blood bags) Gia: (smiles) They're all getting into the rest of your blood bags downstairs. Marcel: But not you. Gia: I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass. Marcel: (sits up to look Gia in the eye) Only the weak don't challenge authority, Gia. You did good. (Suddenly, a clapping noise is heard, and Gia and Marcel look over at the doorway to find Finn clapping his hands mockingly) Finn: I applaud you all for your... strength of character. Just finished congratulating your little vampire-horde downstairs. Marcel: (furious) What did you do to them? Finn: Nothing that isn't reversible. I came to ask you a question, Marcel. See, earlier today, I spent some time with my brothers. They went to great lengths to hide something from me. A secret they'd do anything to keep. (Marcel glares at him) Now, I may not be able to get it out of them, but I'm willing to bet I can rip it out of you. (Marcel lunges at Finn, but Finn casts a spell as the camera cuts away) [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS / MARCEL'S LOFT / THE BAYOU ] (Cami sits on the couch with Hope in her arms as Elijah paces around and speaks to Klaus on the phone) Klaus: How is my daughter? Elijah: (smiles) She's in good hands. As am I. However, if you say the word, I shall return. Klaus: No, you're needed where you are. Elijah: So, the city is safe? (As Klaus speaks, he steps over the many empty blood bags on Marcel's floor while he looks around the apartment) Klaus: Well, I wouldn't exactly go flinging around terms like "safe." Marcel and all his vampires have inexplicably disappeared. Kol is in the wind, Rebekah is still lost, and Finn is dangerously suspicious of the secrets we keep. Speaking of which... I meant what I said. I am capable of forgiveness. (Elijah looks as though he's near tears at this admission) We need to remain focused on our common enemies. I'll be in touch. (Klaus and Elijah hang up. Elijah looks worried as he puts his phone away. Meanwhile, at Marcel's apartment, Aiden has just arrived) Klaus: Ah! The cavalry has arrived! And right on time. No doubt eager to save your precious Josh. Aiden: Yes. Just tell me what you need. Klaus: You can start by questioning your wolves. Find out what Finn has done with Marcel and his vampires. Aiden: Well, I would, but most of the wolves took off for the Bayou, waiting for Hayley and Jackson to finish their wedding trials. Klaus: And what trials might those be? Aiden: Your basic old-school werewolf stuff. They go out into the woods and smoke this blue calamus root out of a peace pipe. Klaus: (concerned) Blue calamus? A rather specific plant. Known by many for its unique properties as a truth serum. In generations past, it was used as among the wolves for divulgement rituals. (As he speaks, Hayley and Jackson are walking hand-in-hand toward Mary's house in the Bayou) Ancient rites where secrets are confessed. (Jackson and Hayley look at each other, and Jackson sighs nervously) I don't suppose they mentioned such a thing? Aiden: They just said they had to do a bunch of rituals and ceremonial stuff. Klaus: And where exactly did Jackson take Hayley? (Hayley and Jackson walk into the front door of Mary's home as she welcomes them inside) Aiden: Back country. Deep Bayou. Why? Klaus: That'll be all. (He heads for the door) Stay on point! Aiden: Wait, that's it? Where are you going? Klaus: I'm going to have a little chat with the bride-to-be. Remind her that some secrets need to stay buried. END	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x11 - Brotherhood of the Damned"}	foreverdreaming
Finn: My brothers went to great lengths to hide something from me. Now, I may not be able to get it out of them, but I'm willing to bet I can rip it out of you. Klaus: Marcel and all his vampires have inexplicably disappeared. Hayley: We have premarital rituals, which are what, exactly? Mary: You speak the truth, he speaks the truth, secrets are cleansed. Klaus: I'm going to have a little chat with the bride-to-be, remind her that some secrets need to stay buried. Cassie: You're the sister... Rebekah. Rebekah: You must be that harvest girl. Cassie, is it? (Cassie nods) How exactly does one go about breaking out of this joint? Cassie: There's no leaving. They say this place is haunted. Rebekah: There was someone in my room. There was a girl, a girl in black. [ FAULINE WITCH ASYLUM ] (Rebekah, still in her new vessel's body, is sleeping fitfully in her bedroom. The lettered tiles on the floor still spell out "FREYA" next to her bed. The scene flashes to the locked door upstairs, where the glass-topped coffin that held what is presumed to be Freya's body. Suddenly, the door to the locked room opens, and Freya (not just a spirit, but flesh and blood) appears in the doorway of Rebekah's bedroom. As Rebekah tosses and turns, she gets visions in her dreams of young Freya being taken from the pregnant Esther and young Finn by their aunt Dahlia. Freya walks into Rebekah's room and stands at Rebekah's bedside, where stares at her as she sleeps) Mama! Aah! Mama! Freya: Mother! Mother! Season 2 Episode 12 Sanctuary Original air date: 2nd February, 2015 [ THE BAYOU ] (Many of the werewolves who aren't under Finn's control and their children have returned to the Bayou, where they live in the encampments. Many of the werewolves are collecting firewood and other necessities in preparation for the Unification Ceremony. Two young boys are throwing around a baseball, which they accidentally drop onto the ground. As it rolls away, one of the boys chases after it, where it lands right under the foot of Klaus, who has just arrived. Klaus crouches down and smiles at the boy as he picks up the ball, but instead of handing it to him, he carries it with him to address the crowd.) Klaus: I wonder if you lot can help me. I'm looking for the hybrid who calls herself your queen. (The werewolves stare at him in silence) I prefer you tell me where she is before I grow irritated. After all... (He tosses the ball back to the young boy) .. there are children present. (He raises his eyebrows expectantly at the crowd.) (Hayley is near the lake at the edge of the woods where she's skipping rocks along the water. After a moment, Jackson comes up behind her to join her.) Jackson: You scared me. (Hayley jumps, startled, before turning back to face him) Was worried you ran off in the middle of the night. Hayley: No. I was just out here thinking. (She throws another rock into the water, and Jackson picks up a stone to skip as well.) Jack, I know I'm supposed to divulge my great secrets, but I can't. Can't even tell you why I can't. Jackson: I mean, you really think there's a secret you have that's so bad, you can't tell me? Hayley: It's not safe, Jack. Jackson: When have we ever been safe, Hayley? Our people have been cursed, hunted, exiled, but you and me, this wedding, we can change all that. We can create a new pack, one with your ability to turn at will. So we give each other our secrets. If we don't, then the transfer of power won't work, and we're back to where we were. (Hayley bites her lip anxiously, still looking hesitant.) Look. Even if we call off the wedding, there's still something I need to tell you. Hayley: Jack, I'm sure you've lived quite the life, but I can't imagine that your secret is anything like mine. Jackson: (solemn) There's one. (He takes a deep breath) Has to do with how your parents died. (Hayley's face falls, and she turns to face him, both eager and worried to hear what he has to say.) [ FAULINE WITCH ASYLUM ] (It's daytime now, and the witches of the asylum are all congregated downstairs; some are sewing, others are reading. Freya is sitting barefoot on the floor in front of the television, watching Tom and Jerry, but if any of the other witches recognize her, they don't mention it. Cassie is sitting at the piano, playing a simple, quiet tune when Rebekah sits next to her on the bench and sighs dramatically.) Cassie: (looks at her) You look terrible. Rebekah: (looks around) I didn't sleep very well. Cassie: Heard you got caught out past curfew... again. Rebekah: (smiles) A simple misunderstanding. Kindred witches like to be in charge. I don't much care for taking orders. (Cassie rolls her eyes at Rebekah) On that note... (Rebekah pulls an apple out of her sweater pocket and surreptitiously hands it to Cassie. Cassie looks shocked and appalled.) Cassie: (whispers) Where did you get that? Rebekah: I nicked it from the pantry. Cassie: (worried) But the kindr... Rebekah: (interrupts her) Did you miss the part where I said I don't care about rules? Take the apple. Cassie: You're out of your mind. (Cassie gets up to leave, and Rebekah shoves the apple back into her sweater pocket before following after her. The two sit on a nearby loveseat to continue talking.) Rebekah: I'm a free spirit, which is why I don't intend to spend another night trapped in this bloody dungeon. Cassie: (whispers) What are you talking about? Rebekah: You know that any spell can be broken with enough power. What we need to do is channel something strong. (Cassie looks at her, confused) I went to the room with the locked door. There's something in there, someone. I'm not sure who she is or why she's here, and I don't care. Point is, she's strong. I mean, I didn't even know what witch power felt like, and still, I could sense it coming out of that room in waves. You and I can channel her and bust free of this loony bin. (Rebekah smiles and holds out the apple out to Cassie, who hesitates for a moment before finally smiling back and taking it. They stand and walk into the other room, where Rebekah notices Freya watching television, though she doesn't recognize her for who she is.) Rebekah: (whispers) Who's the new girl at the telly? Cassie: One more bonkers witch, got dumped here in the middle of the night. Rebekah: Anything good on? Freya: These paintings can move. They depict a rodent breaking the bones of a rather tenacious feline. Rebekah: (amused) Those are just cartoons. (Freya says nothing, and laughs as something funny happens on the television. Rebekah, intrigued, kneels down next to her to look her in the face) Freya: Ha ha! Rebekah: Do I know you from somewhere? (Freya remains quiet, and Rebekah shrugs) I guess not. (After a moment of looking at Freya, Rebekah pulls another apple out of her bag and hands it to her) Keep up your strength, luv, and enjoy your cartoons. (Rebekah stands up and walks away, leaving Freya to her television. Once she's gone, Freya snatches the apple and hides it under her skirt. She watches Rebekah leave and smiles) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY - CLAIRE TOMB ] (Davina wakes up on the couch in her family's tomb to the sound of old-fashioned jazz music coming out of a gramophone player. She looks around in confusion for a moment until she recognizes her surroundings. Kol is seated at a nearby table, fiddling with a Bunsen burner) Davina: (groggy) Whoa. What... How long was I asleep? Kol: All night. It was a rather fitful sleep, though. You were muttering about how you wanted to kll Klaus. (Davina giggles, and Kol lights the Bunsen burner with a flint) In fact, I'm glad that you're up because we are ready to get started. (He walks over to his small chest, where he has stashed one of Klaus' silver daggers that he stole in the 1910s. He pulls the dagger out and holds it up for Davina to see as she walks over to him) Davina: You sure you know how to do this? Kol: (sits down to examine the dagger) Have a little faith, Davina. I have been planning this for over a century. (He looks over at Davina, who smiles, but looks unsure. He gives her a look) You're not having second thoughts, are you? Now, you were the one that wanted to get rid of the bastard without hurting your friends. Davina: (shakes her head) I'm past second thoughts. Kol: (smiles) That's my girl. (Suddenly, Davina's phone buzzes from across the room. Kol gestures over to it as he starts to adjust the flame of the burner) Oh, you might want to turn that off. It's been buzzing all this morning. (Davina walks over to the couch and picks up her phone, but frowns when she sees several texts left by Aiden. They read: "Call me." "Josh and Marcel are missing." "Call me ASAP." Worried, she walks over to Kol to show him the texts) Davina: Josh and Marcel are still missing. (She rushes off, leaving Kol looking conflicted) [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] (Finn has managed to bring Marcel, Josh, and the rest of the vampires to Lenore's old shop, where he has placed them each in their own magic circle that is bound with human bones. They seem to all be trapped in their respective circles; some of the vampires are conscious and rolling around in agony, while others, like Marcel, are unconscious. Finn stands over their bodies and smirks.) Finn: (to the vampires) How the mighty have fallen. Simple bit of magic, and once-mighty vampires now lie before me. How does it feel, hunger so intense, like shards of glass creeping through your veins? (He kneels down next to Marcel's unconscious body) Of course... I have you to thank. You led them to this, but then, perhaps, you might still be able to save them. In 1,000 years, you are the closest my brother has come to making a friend, and I wonder, what secrets did he share, and what do I need to do to you in order to tear those secrets free? [ THE BAYOU - MARY'S CABIN ] (Mary is in the middle of chopping up potatoes, tomatoes and peppers in her home when Klaus appears in her doorway. She senses his presence and turns to face him, and he smiles at her) Mary: (clutches her Knfe protectively) What do you want? Klaus: Well, we could start with some common courtesy. You could invite me in. Mary: (scoffs) Not likely, vampire. Klaus: (smiles) I'm a hybrid, dear, half wolf. You and I could be distant relatives, for all you know. Matter of fact, I'm looking for another of my kind. Rumor has it she's nearby. Mary: What do you want with Hayley? Klaus: I wish only to remind her of the importance of family, dissuade her from foolish mistakes. Mary: Jackson is with her now. They can look out for each other. Why don't you just leave them alone? Klaus: Well, perhaps I should. Clearly, I can trust Jackson's selfish nature, willing as he is to marry Hayley and save her from the horrors of her current existence and in exchange for nothing more than an empowered werewolf pack to serve as his own personal army. Hmm, you know, on second thought, I think I'd like to congratulate the bride and groom. (Mary looks alarmed) No doubt, they're close by tending to their prenuptial observances... (He slams his hand against the door frame) .. and since you've been unable to help me find them... Well, I suppose I'll have to hunt them down myself, won't I? (Mary looks at him nervously as he vamp-speeds away) (Meanwhile, deep in the Bayou, Jackson has brought Hayley to a makeshift graveyard) Hayley: What is this place? Jackson: It's where wolves bury those that walk away from the pack... Traitors, mrder, like this one... (He shows Hayley a rudimentary grave marker made out of wood. It has the initials RXD carved into it above a crescent moon) .. Richard Xavier Dumas. He was Mary's husband, my grandfather. He was an alpha of his time, militant, radical, hell-bent on waging wr with vampires. When he found out that your parents and mine planned to join the packs, try for peace with Marcel and his crew, he went ballistic. Hayley: (shocked and horrified) It was him, wasn't it? He was the one that klled my parents. Jackson: (sad) He wanted to stop them, everything they stood for, and he did. Hayley: (near tears) I have spent my entire life wondering what happened to them. (Jackson gulps guiltily) Why did you wait so long to tell me? Jackson: No. I didn't know until Mary told me. She said she'd held on to the secret of what my grandfather did for two decades and knew it was time for it to come out... (He bites his lip anxiously) .. but I knew I had to be the one to tell you truth is, I didn't know if I could. Hayley: (shakes her head) I don't blame you, Jack. (Sniffles) I guess I just really hate secrets. Jackson: That was my secret. Whatever yours is, if you don't want to tell me, then don't. Doesn't change a thing, least of all how I feel about you. (Suddenly, Klaus appears behind him) Klaus: Quite the romantic sentiment. (Jackson turns to look at Klaus and scowls at him) I wonder, however, if I might impose on this lovely tableau long enough to have a word with Hayley. (Jackson looks hesitant, but Hayley gently squeezes his shoulder) Hayley: It's okay. (She gestures for him to leave) Go ahead. I'll meet you back at Mary's. (Jackson pats Hayley on the back before he reluctantly leaves them to talk) [ FAULINE WITCH ASYLUM ] (Rebekah and Cassie are sitting across from each other, pretending to play cards, while they discuss their plans) Rebekah: Tonight is the night. Once everyone is asleep, I'll grab you. (Cassie looks nervous, but smiles weakly at her. Their conversation is interrupted by the sound of groaning as the blonde Kindred witch drags Freya into the next room by the arm and pins her down on the table face-first by the back of her neck. Cassie and Rebekah immediately turn their heads and watch in horror. The Kindred witch, who has a fresh cut on her cheek that runs perpendicular to the two scars, holds out the apple Rebekah gave Freya, which is half-eaten) Blonde Kindred Witch: (furious) Uh! Where did you get this, huh? (The witch roughly slams Freya's head onto the table a second time. Rebekah starts to stand to intervene, but Cassie stops her) Cassie: (scared) Uh! Don't. Just let it go. (The Kindred witch slams Freya's head against the table again, and she looks as though she's starting to lose consciousness. Rebekah is unable to watch her continue to hurt the young girl and runs over to her. She rears back and punches the Kindred witch in the face, and when the witch falls to the floor, Rebekah groans and massages her hand. Rebekah is quickly restrained by two orderlies while the Kindred witch recovers. Her nose is bleeding, and she's furious) Blonde Kindred Witch: Do you know what I do to thieves? Rebekah: (terrified) Ah! Ah, that hurt. (The Kindred witch slams Freya's head against the table again, and she looks as though she's starting to lose consciousness. Rebekah is unable to watch her continue to hurt the young girl and runs over to her. She rears back and punches the Kindred witch in the face, and when the witch falls to the floor, Rebekah groans and massages her hand. Rebekah is quickly restrained by two orderlies while the Kindred witch recovers. Her nose is bleeding, and she's furious) Blonde Kindred Witch: You little bitch. (She picks up a fireplace poker and walks over to Rebekah, who has been shoved face-first against the table by the orderlies. They hold her right hand down on the table, and the Kindred witch holds the poker up in the air) Rebekah: (terrified) Aah! Aah! Aah! (The Kindred witch slams the poker down on Rebekah's hand and wrist, and she screams out in agony and tries not to cry) Blonde Kindred Witch: Today's lesson... You take from us... (She turns to Freya, who is standing back away from them, sees wearing a silver necklace with a blue stone, and rips the chain off of her neck) .. and we take twice as much from you. (The Kindred witch and her cohorts let go of Rebekah and leave. Rebekah winces as she examines her shaking, injured hand. Freya looks shocked and approaches her) Freya: You helped me. Why? Rebekah: (gasps in pain) Because I'm a bloody fool... (Panting) Or maybe I just like the idea of us girls sticking together. (Rebekah stands to her feet and walks back to Cassie, gingerly holding her injured right hand in her left. As she leaves, Freya smiles) [ THE BAYOU ] (Hayley and Klaus are still at the makeshift graveyard for werewolves who deserted their pack) Klaus: (incredulous) Have you lost your mind? Are you seriously considering this preposterous truth-telling idiocy? Hayley: Actually, I'm kind of on the fence. Klaus: Well, then allow me to make this simple for you. Under no circumstances will you divulge any family secrets, especially none that would endanger our child. Hayley: Except it's not that simple, Klaus. You saw what Finn did. He's growing more powerful by the day. (Klaus sighs and turns away, knowing she's right) Right now, he controls over half of the wolves. This marriage could change that. Klaus: The outcome of your strategy is not worth the risk it imposes on our daughter. Hayley: (frustrated) Well, it's not a risk if I trust Jackson. (Klaus rolls his eyes and sighs) Oh... Klaus, think. We could have a whole army of super wolves who could protect hope as one of their own. Klaus: (irritated) Hope doesn't need a wolf army. I'll protect her myself, and an easy time I'll have of it, too, without you running off sharing secrets with every motley member of your werewolf brethren. Hayley: (loses her temper) Damn it, Klaus. This is our chance. We can bring her home. We have to at least consider this. Klaus: I have considered it, and I have deemed it absurd, and in this matter, there is no one above my decree, not even you. (Hayley glares at him as he steps closer to her and looks her in the eye) You will tell Jackson the wedding is off. Hayley: (angry) It's a good thing that I don't take orders from anyone, especially not from you. (Klaus scowls at her, visibly frustrated) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY - CLAIRE TOMB ] (Kol is sitting at one of the tables in the tomb when Davina arrives with Aiden in tow) Kol: So much for having a secret lair. Davina: (to Aiden) Don't mind him. Did you bring the stuff I asked for? Aiden: Yeah. (He reaches into his knapsack and pulls out a hairbrush and a toothbrush, which he gives to Davina) This is everything Josh left at my place. Kol: (raises his eyebrows) Ah, practically moved in, has he? Davina: (sighs) Kol, please shut up. (Davina sets the hairbrush and toothbrush onto a map of New Orleans, which she has weighted down with small hematite stones. A candle burns nearby next to the map, and Davina sprinkles black sand onto the map to prepare for a locator spell) Davina: Ok. Here we go. Kol: (holds out his arm) All right. Come on, then. Channel me. It'll be quicker. Come on. (Davina sighs and takes his hand in her own as the two close their eyes and begin the spell) Davina & Kol: Ce che vous, pro la busque. Ce che vous, pro la busque. Ce che vous, pro la busque. (The sand on the map starts to move, until it has formed a single pile in the middle of the map. Davina and Kol pore over it to determine Josh's location) Davina: (points at the map) Right here, the street corner. Kol: Oh, yeah. I know where. It's the little bodega the witch Lenore used to run before my mother hijacked her body. Aiden: Great. Thank you for the help. (Aiden grabs his things and starts to leave, but Davina stops him) Davina: Wait. What? You can't go alone. Kol: Well, to be absolutely clear here, technically, he definitely could go alone. Davina: (walks toward Aiden) No. It's a su1c1de mission. Kol: (gestures around at all three of them) Yeah, and what's more tragic than a su1c1de mission but a mass su1c1de mission? Aiden: (frustrated) I'm not leaving Josh trapped with a nutjob that hates vampires. (Kol gives Davina a look that says he's not keen on helping, but Davina glares at him) Davina: Neither am I. (The two head for the door, and Kol sighs in frustration) [ FAULINE WITCH ASYLUM ] (The blonde Kindred witch is walking up the stairs holding Freya's sapphire-blue necklace in her hands. Once upstairs, she hears a creaking noise, and turns to look toward the locked door to the room where Freya's coffin was held. Suddenly, the door creaks open, and the witch, looking confused, walks down the hall toward the room. As soon as she makes it to the doorway, she starts to peek inside the cracked door when she's suddenly yanked into the room by an invisible force, and the door slams shut behind her) Blonde Kindred Witch: (shrieks) Aah! [ THE BAYOU ] (Klaus and Hayley are still arguing about whether or not Hayley should tell Jackson the truth) Hayley: I am done listening to you. (She starts to walk away from Klaus) Let me know when you want to have a real conversation. Klaus: (chases after her and grabs her arm to stop her) Hayley! Hayley: (yanks her arm away) I'm not gonna stand here quietly while you tell me what I can and cannot do to protect my daughter. Klaus: Our daughter. Hayley: Right. Ours, but it was your mother who tried to kll her, and who knows what your equally psychotic brother is up to? Klaus: I will deal with Finn. Hayley: And then what? Hope will always be the daughter of Klaus Mikaelson, the hybrid kller with 1,000 enemies. (Klaus looks hurt and sighs before looking away) Don't you get it? It's you. You're the thrat. You're so paranoid that you can't see that this wedding can help her. She can come home. The wolves will be on our side. Klaus: (frustrated) The wolves cannot be trusted. Hayley: (yells) In your paranoid mind, nobody can be trusted. Where does it end? Klaus: (shouts) There is no end! Need I remind you I klled my own father in order to protect her? Hayley: (exhausted and near tears) Really? That's why you klled him... or is it just that you were so terrified of letting someone, anyone, in? (Klaus scowls at her, visibly hurt. Hayley whispers quietly) I know this wedding can work. We can bring our little girl home, but you have to trust me. (Klaus nods at her and gently caresses her face with his hands) Klaus: (whispers) I do trust you... (Hayley looks at him hopefully) .. more than you know. (Hayley briefly looks as though Klaus is finally agreeing with her, but before she can say anything, he snaps her neck and catches her right before she falls onto the ground) Uh! I just don't trust Jackson. [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] (Marcel awakens in Lenore's shop to find that he's been bound by his wrists and ankles to a chair. He struggles to break the ropes, but the harder he tugs on them, the more they burn him) Finn: You can't free yourself. Those ropes have been soaked in vervain. (He plucks a fresh vervain flower from a nearby table and sniffs it) But I did lessen the spell that made you hungry... (He tosses the vervain flower onto the table) .. affording us an opportunity for some civilized discourse. (Marcel groans and continues to struggle against his restraints as Finn grabs a chair and sets it in front of Marcel so he can sit and talk) Let's start with our mutual friend Camille. The topic that consumed the majority of our time together was her troubled relationship with Niklaus. He confided in her, but she knew nothing that I could use against him, and yet recently, I had occasion to speak with my brother, and I realized that he has a secret, one that he is desperate to protect, and I think that that secret is a weakness. So tell me, Marcel, what is it? Marcel: (incredulous) You really think that he trusts me with anything that could be used against him? Finn: You're Klaus' ally, and I think you know something. Marcel: You can think whatever you want as long as you don't mind knowing that you are a chump. (Finn, annoyed, blows on his index finger and thumb and rubs them together, causing Marcel's muscles to seize up. He yells out in pain until Finn undoes the spell, and Marcel sighs in relief) Marcel: Aah! Uh! Ah! Finn: Tell me what you know. Marcel: (gasps for breath) I'll tell you what I remember. (Finn leans forward, clearly interested) Two centuries back, I was just a kid looking through the compound. I found a coffin. (Finn frowns) Klaus catches me, and he says, "that's my brother Finn. We keep him like that because he is such a bore." (Marcel laughs weakly, and Finn, offended, casts another spell that causes his muscles to seize up painfully. Marcel yells in pain as Finn stands and walks away) Marcel: Aah! [ FAULINE WITCH ASYLUM ] (Freya is standing in Rebekah's bedroom, looking out the window while Rebekah sleeps. Suddenly, she calls out to her) Freya: Rebekah? Rebekah: (sits up quickly and gasps) Are you trying to give me a bloody heart attck? (Rebekah examines her wrist, which has been bandaged up, while Freya continues to stare out the window) Freya: Is it still beautiful? (Rebekah looks confused) New Orleans? I loved it so much the last time I saw it. Rebekah: New Orleans will remain a beauty long after you and I are bones beneath its clay. For now, you have to go back to your room. I've got things to do. (Rebekah sits up in bed to prepare for her plan. Freya turns back to face her) Freya: Why are you here in this place? Rebekah: (sighs) I was trying to help my brothers. My con artist of a blood relation Kol betrayed me, got me stuck in here. (She shakes her head angrily) Oh, when I get hold of him... Freya: (confused) Why do you fight with your own family? You should stand beside them. Rebekah: (chuckles awkwardly) It's... complicated, 1,000 years complicated. (She stands up and gets ready to leave) Listen. I think I found a way out of this hell hole. If you want to come with, meet me at the front door in 20 minutes. Either way, wish me luck. (Rebekah leaves, and Freya smirks, clearly impressed) [ THE BAYOU - MARY'S CABIN ] (It's nightfall now, and Mary and Jackson are waiting for Hayley to return. Jackson is washing dishes at the sink, while Mary is sharpening a stake at the table. Jackson looks at her questioningly) Mary: (holds up the stake) For Klaus in case he comes back. (Suddenly, Klaus arrives in the doorway) Klaus: Speak the devil's name, et cetera, et cetera. I wonder if Jackson can come out to play. (Mary approaches Klaus with the stake, but Jackson holds her back) Jackson: It's ok. (He turns to Klaus and stands face-to-face with him just inside the doorway) Where's Hayley? Klaus: Resting. She was exhausted after your grueling day of wedding preparations, poor thing. No matter. Gives us a chance to chat. Jackson: I want your word this is between me and you. Klaus: (calm) Why, of course. You have my word as a gentleman. (Jackson's lip twitches anxiously as Klaus steps backward, silently inviting him to step outside. After a moment, Jackson steps out of the home and onto the porch, and Klaus smiles) Klaus: Brave lad. (Klaus' hybrid face comes out, and he vamp-speeds Jackson into the woods, leaving Mary looking frightened and worried) (In the woods, Klaus has let go of Jackson, and he rolls across the ground. He scrambles onto his knees and shouts out to Klaus, who has vanished) Jackson: Uh! Klaus! You want to fight me, come on! (Klaus comes out from behind a tree, and Jackson turns at the sound of his voice. Klaus slowly starts walking toward him) Klaus: You mistake my intentions. I haven't come here to fight you, not at all. This is to be an execution. Tell me, how, exactly, would you like to die? (Klaus stares at Jackson and smirks) Jackson: Agh! (After the break, Jackson's face is bloody as he's thrown onto the ground by Klaus, who stands over him) Klaus: Most of my victims start screaming about now. (Jackson starts throwing punches at him, but Klaus easily dodges them and shoves him back down onto the ground) I'd prefer if you spared me the tedium of any last words, but if you are so inclined, now would be the time. Jackson: Go to hell, you bastard. Klaus: Bastard. Yes. That is exactly what I am, made so by your precious mentor Ansel. I'm curious. Did he teach you to regard me with such loathing, or is that bias all of your own? Jackson: (winces in pain and laughs) Is that what this is about? (He stands to his feet) You jealous I got to spend time with your daddy? Klaus: You were his most prized pupil, the benefactor to all of his wisdom. (He punches Jackson in the stomach, and Jackson doubles over in pain) Jackson: Uh! Klaus: Look at all the good it's done you. (Klaus shoves him back down onto the ground, and he lays still for a moment, trying to catch his breath, before getting back on his feet) Jackson: Uh! Well, you... could've learned from him yourself, uh, if only you hadn't klled him. (Klaus kicks Jackson's knees and knocks his legs out from under him) Uh! Oh! Oh! Klaus: I see you've mastered the self-righteous air of all hypocrites. The truth is, you're worse than me, using Hayley's best intentions for your own self-serving power grab. Jackson: You're wrong! Klaus: You want her power so you can wage wars and win territories. After all, it's what wolves do. (Jackson loses his temper and furiously begins fighting back. He punches Klaus hard in the face, but Klaus shoves him down onto the ground) Jackson: Gah! Uh! (wheezing) You don't know a damn thing about being a wolf. Klaus: No. I don't. I never had the luxury to live among my kind nor the chance to truly know my father... (Klaus lifts Jackson up by the chin and grabs him in a choke-hold, and Jackson groans) .. but you knew him. Perhaps he saw in you the son he always wanted. (He squeezes Jackson's throat even harder, and Jackson gasps for breath) I'm glad I was spared such a sorry fate. (Klaus throws Jackson across the clearing, where he hits his back hard on a tree and lands roughly on the ground. Jackson cries out in pain and rolls onto his back) Jackson: Uh! Gah... [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] (Marcel is fading in and out of consciousness from all the pain infliction spells Finn cast on him, and Finn lifts Marcel's head up roughly to look him in the face. Marcel bares his teeth at him angrily, but Finn just smiles) Finn: I'm convinced. You know nothing... (Marcel weakly jerks out of his grip) .. which means that whatever Klaus is keeping secret is so secret, he won't even share it with you. (He laughs, and Marcel glares at him) Perhaps there are other ways you can be of use to me. (Suddenly, the front door to the shop opens, and Kol comes inside, closing the door behind him. Finn looks stunned) Kol: Brother. Finn: (annoyed) What are you doing here, Kol? Kol: I heard a rumor that you'd taken Marcel prisoner... (He picks up a Knfe from a nearby table and examines it) .. and it just so happens that I owe him. (Kol takes the Knfe and sab it into Marcel's right hand) Marcel: (moans in pain) Ohh! So I am going to kll the both of you. (Finn makes a face at Kol and annoyedly flicks his wrist, which snaps Marcel's neck. Then, he turns to Kol) Finn: You have some nerve coming here. All good grace with me was lost the moment you signed up with our wretched siblings. Kol: You know me, Finn. I take sides with whoever I think is gonna win, and, to be honest, well, you and mum were acting a bit daft, weren't you, but I heard about how you turned dear, old dad into your own personal black magic battery pack, and I thought, "wow, that's cold, but it's smart." (Finn looks as though he's interested) Now I can see which way the wind is blwing, and after the way the 3 of them treated us, I'll be happy to see them get what's coming. (Finn rolls his eyes and makes hand into a fist, which causes Kol to roar in pain and fall to his knees. Once Finn releases the spell, Kol gasps for breath and looks up at him) Kol: Aah! What was that for? Finn: For being a duplicitous beetle. Kol: (sighs) I have proved myself, Finn, more than you have. (He stands to his feet) I'm the one that put Rebekah in another body, and whilst Klaus is out there looking for his dear, little sister, I was forging a dagger that will put him to sleep for centuries. Finn: (exasperated) I don't want to put him to sleep. I want him dad. Kol: Yes, but you're gonna need allies, and I've got them. Davina Claire, she's a harvest girl. I've got her wrapped around my little finger. I have. With her on our side, there is nothing, nothing that will stand in our way. (The two brothers stare at each other) [ FAULINE WITCH ASYLUM ] (Rebekah is wandering around the upstairs, looking for Cassie, but when she goes into Cassie's room, her bed is empty. Worried, she rushes down the hall, and when she sees the usually-locked door is opened a crack, she walks in to see who is in there. She finds the blonde Kindred witch on the floor, her face covered in blood where it has poured out of her eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. When Rebekah looks at the coffin and wipes off the clear lid, she realizes in horror that the girl is no longer inside. Suddenly, she hears a creaking sound, but when she turns, she finds Cassie standing in the doorway. She has two cuts on her cheek that run diagonally down her face) Rebekah: (startled) Cassie. Cassie, where the hell have you... Cassie: I'm sorry, Rebekah, but you didn't leave me much choice. I told you, there's no escape. I had to turn to the only people I knew I could trust... (At these words, a group of Kindred witches file into the room and surround Rebekah, many of them holding canes and fireplace pokers. She looks at Cassie, visibly betrayed) .. and I told them that they had to deal with you. My only regret is that I didn't stop you before you klled one of our own... (Cassie gestures toward the blonde Kindred witch's body on the floor, but Rebekah just looks horrified) .. and now you have to be punished. (Cassie steps backward as the Kindred witches hold up their wapon thrat) Rebekah: No. I didn't kll her... (She backs up against the wall and becomes angry) .. though, to be fair, I won't miss the ugly cow. Hrrgh... (Rebekah starts lashing out at the witches, elbowing one in the face, kicking the legs out from under a second. A third witch hits her upside the head with a cane, knocking her onto the floor, but before he can ht her again, he's lifted up into the air by an invisible source and thrown against the wall. Rebekah looks up, shocked, to see Freya standing in the doorway. The other witches gape at her in shock) Freya: (bored) You're all so mean, like the mouse that torments the cat in those cartoons. I think you're the ones who need to be punished. (She absentmindedly lifts her arms up, sending the two other Kindred witches into the walls before they fall to the floor. Cassie looks frightened and backs away from her, but Freya lifts her hand again to slam the door shut so she can't escape and walks toward her so they're face-to-face) Freya: The others were just ignorant bullies... (She caresses Cassie's face) .. but you, you're a smart girl, powerful, and yet you still betrayed a friend. (She grabs Cassie's face with both hands and concentrates, and Cassie starts shrieking in pain as blood starts pouring from her eyes and nose. When she dies, Freya drops her body onto the floor before turning back to Rebekah) Cassie: Aah! Aah! Aah! Freya: I despise traitors. (She grabs her necklace out of the blonde Kindred witch's dad hand, and helps Rebekah up to her feet. She notices Rebekah's bandaged hand and takes it in her own before she starts casting a spell to heal it) Rebekah: (flexes her hand) How did you do that? (Freya just smiles and turns away, leading Rebekah out of the room) [ THE BAYOU ] (Jackson, who is severely injured, is trying his best to crawl away from Klaus, but he easily catches up to him) Klaus: Uh... I've drawn this out for long enough... (Jackson groans in pain) .. but you can hardly blame me. I find the sheer audacity of your plot quite offensive. Hayley is part of my family now, and you would seek to use her for your petty ambitions. Jackson: (furious) I'm not using her. Klaus: Just admit your true intentions for this farce of a wedding, and I will end this quickly. Jackson: (still crawling away) I love Hayley, and I will fight for her... (He pulls a wooden blade he had tucked in his waistband and sab Klaus in the abdomen with it) Klaus: Uh! Uh!... Jackson: Till I'm dad. (Jackson falls to the ground, completely exhausted. Klaus pulls the branch out of his stomach and throws in onto the floor) Ugh! Klaus: Well, you've got more fight in you than I'd have imagined...(He puts Jackson in a choke-hold and points the tip of the blade under Jackson's chin. Jackson tries his best to hold Klaus' arm back, but he's losing strength) .. but I remain unimpressed. Jackson: (gasps) Mhh! You told me once that my people were yours, too, and if you kll me now, promise me that you will help Hayley set our people free. (Klaus is surprised by these words and hesitates for a moment. Suddenly, Hayley appears out of nowhere and tackles Klaus. She lands on top of him and straddles him as she punches him in the face violently several times until Klaus grabs her fist and tosses her off of him before getting onto his feet. Hayley stands between Klaus and Jackson, protecting the latter) Hayley: I trust him, Klaus. Do you hear me? You're not gonna kll him, not unless you want to go through me. Klaus: (impressed) You truly believe that he is worthy of your trust? Hayley: Yes. Klaus: (surprised) Oh, you are stubborn, little wolf. Perhaps you two were meant for each other. Go on, then. Tell him. Have your wedding. Save your wolves... (He looks at Jackson) .. but you mark my words. If you ever betray her, I will find you, and I will deposit your head on the end of a spike. Perhaps I'll leave it in your grandmother's garden. (Klaus gives Hayley and Jackson one last look before vamp-speeding away. Hayley turns to tend to Jackson, who is still healing from his many injuries) Hayley: (approaches him) Here. (She caresses his face as he leans against her for support) [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] (At Lenore's shop, Finn is questioning Kol on his plans) Finn: Klaus knows you trapped Rebekah, and yet he hasn't tracked you down to trture her location out of you? Kol: (shrugs) Well, I'm smart enough not to be found. Ha ha ha! Ooh. Finn: (laughs in amusement) And Elijah also knows Rebekah is missing, and yet he remains unaccounted for. (Kol starts to get nervous) Despite my power, I've been unable to locate him, which suggests he's gone to great lengths to hide himself, and Elijah hides from no one... Unless he's keeping something hidden. Kol: (chuckles nervously) Wow, Finn, you sound like Sherlock Holmes after one too many tequilas. Finn: And you act a fool to dare think that I wouldn't know about your little friends in the back. (He starts walking toward Kol, who instinctively backs away from him and turns to look for Davina and Aiden) (In the back of the shop, Aiden and Davina are using flashlights to try and see who is in the room. Aiden finally finds Josh laying on the ground, tossing and turning restlessly, and calls her over) Aiden: Davina, I got him. (In the front, Finn has cast another pain infliction spell on Kol, and he once again drops to his knees in pain. Finn sighs and walks toward him) Finn: Allow me to send a message to your little girlfriend. (He flicks his wrist, casting a spell, which he directs to Josh) (In the back, Aiden has just lifted Josh into a seated position when he awakens with a gasp) Aiden: Josh... (He smiles) .. it's me. You all right? (As soon as Josh sees Aiden and Davina, his hunger overwhelms him, and he hisses at them with his vampire-face and fangs out. They both back away in alarm, just as they notice the other vampires start to stir and awaken as well, all of them ravenous after being starved again. When Aiden turns back to Josh, he's vamp-sped onto his feet and lunges for them to try to feed on them. Aiden tries to hold him back as long as he can, but when that doesn't work, Aiden's face turns guilty and he snaps Josh's neck. He then throws Josh's body over his shoulder and grabs Davina by the arm) Aiden: Come on. Davina: Hey, Josh, please... Aiden: Davina, let's go. [ FAULINE WITCH ASYLUM ] (Freya uses her magic to telekinetically open the front doors of the Fauline Mansion, and as she walks onto the front porch and down the stairs, Rebekah follows behind her) Rebekah: You're her, the all-powerful girl in the coffin... That's how you did magic... But why didn't you just tell me? Freya: (stops walking to talk to her) I'd only just woken from a century of sleep. I wanted to know you, see what you were really like, and you didn't disappoint me. There's a spark in your, Rebekah. You're willful, also kind. You're not half as bad as our brothers. (Rebekah's smile falls, and she stares at Freya in confusion) Rebekah: What did you say? Freya: You're right, you know. We met once before... (They're transported in flashback to the Mikaelson Christmas party in 1914, which took place in The Map of Moments, while Freya narrates in voiceover. Rebekah approached Freya, who was wearing a blue dress and who Rebekah believed to be Kol's date to the party) .. Christmas party in 1914. I was so desperate to catch a glimpse of my family. (In the present, she smiles at Rebekah, who is looking at her in shock and awe) Rebekah, you know who I am. Rebekah: (nods in shock) You're the girl in my nightmare. It really is you... (She stares at Freya for a moment, nearly in tears) .. Freya. (Freya turns and heads to the gate, gesturing to Rebekah to follow her. Rebekah does what she's instructed, and watches as Freya grips the bars of the front gate and casts a spell) Freya: Destruccive glas enfala. Destruccive glas enfala. (The doll's head that bound the spell spins around on its post and begins to melt, breaking the boundary) Freya: (turns to Rebekah) I slept 100 years, and now finally, I'm free. Tell our brothers I'll be coming to see them soon, and I expect nothing less than their best behavior. (She turns and flicks her wrist, which telekinetically rips the gate right off of the hinges. Once it's open, Freya walks barefoot out into the night, leaving Rebekah alone. Rebekah, confused and overwhelmed, watches her leave) [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] (Kol has just risen to his feet after another pain infliction spell from Finn) Finn: Now, are you through with this little ruse, brother? (Kol runs for his life into the back room, only to find that a dozen starving vampires are salivating at the sight of him and Davina and Aiden are gone. He backs up to go back into the front of the shop, only to bump into Finn, who uses his powers to snap all of the vampires' necks) Finn: Seems your little friend Davina has absconded with one of my prisoners. Kol: (anxious) I didn't come here for a fight. The little witch, she asked me to be a distraction. She can be quite pushy when she wants to be, you know? (Finn angrily scoffs and grabs Kol's head so their foreheads are touching) Finn: Don't you see? We were given a gift... (Kol shoves Finn off of him and looks at him in fear) Rebirth unfettered by vampirism. We were made clean, and all that was asked was a pittance in return, and you could not even give that. (He smacks Kol on the shoulder, and Kol starts to plead with him) Kol: Finn, you're angry, and when you're angry, you don't think straight. So just give me a chance. Finn: (interrupts him) You don't deserve another chance, Kol. (He quickly clutches Kol's face in his hands and looks him in the eyes) So I'm gonna give you the one thing I know you fear most... death. (Kol tries to shove him off, but Finn just grabs him by the shirt and presses his hand against his chest) Kol: No. No! Finn: O se kwe pe se. (Kol gasps and shudders in pain) I curse you to this body, unable to jump to another. Over the next few days, I want you to contemplate what's to come... A meaningless, lonely death and the darkness to follow. (He lets go of Kol and shoves him away, and Kol looks down at his chest, gasping for breath) Clock starts now. Be sure to say your good-byes. Go, brother. I will not miss you. (Kol looks at Finn, visibly shocked and betrayed, before he eventually turns to leave) [ THE BAYOU - MARY'S CABIN ] (Mary is patching Jackson up on her back patio overlooking the lake) Mary: (puts a bandage on his stomach) There. You let that sit. (Jackson smiles at her, and she pats him on the shoulder) You'll feel better in the morning. (She gets up to leave when Hayley returns to the cabin) Hayley: Mary, I am so sorry. Mary: For what, knowing a monster, having baggage in your past? We all got that, some worse than others. (She puts a comforting had on Hayley's back) When Jack was down, you fought for him. (She smiles at Hayley) Lot of married folk never get that far. (Mary leaves Hayley to speak with Jackson alone. She walks onto the patio and sits next to him) Hayley: You ok? Jackson: I'll live. That's the thing I can't figure out. Why didn't he kll me? Hayley: Klaus was afraid of trusting anyone. I think he realized that not trusting you would be worse. He'd end up surrounded by enemies, alone. (Jackson looks at her, and she smiles before taking his hand in hers) Hayley: (whispers) I want to tell you a story... About a beautiful baby girl... (Jackson looks at her in shock) .. and the parents who swore they would die to protect her. (Jackson turns to her, shocked and surprised, and settles in to hear the story) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND / MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE ] (Klaus is on the phone with Elijah, who is still at the safe house with Cami and Hope. While he talks, Klaus chops up limes with a Knfe at the bar) Klaus: The wedding works in our favor. Newly empowered and ruled by Hayley, the wolves will be an asset to our family. Elijah: Yes, assuming you're willing to trust Jackson with our secrecy. Must confess, brother, I'm a little surprised to find that you do. Klaus: Well, faith in Jackson is a means to an end. If I had simply klled him, Hayley would have turned against me. (He holds up the Knfe he's using to chop limes and gestures with it as he talks) You should have seen the ferocity with which she defended him. It was impressive. (Elijah sighs and smiles) That being said, I don't take the matter of secrets lightly. Once the wedding takes place and the wolves are forever altered, well, Jackson's fate becomes a little less certain. (Klaus smiles and hangs up the phone. Elijah hangs up his own, looking pensive and a little conflicted) (At the compound, Klaus turns around when he hears someone entering the compound. It's Rebekah) Rebekah: Hello, Nik. (Klaus looks at her, confused, but pretty sure he knows who it is) I don't suppose you imagined that always and forever would lead us to this. Klaus: (gapes at her, clearly shocked, but eventually smiles) Rebekah. Rebekah: (laughs) You absolutely will not believe the week I've had. (The two smile at each other) [ LENORE'S CONVENIENCE STORE ] (Finn is standing boredly in the chair across from Marcel, holding the small Knfe Kol s*ab Marcel in the hand with earlier, while he waits for him to wake up. After a moment, he does) Finn: Good. You're awake. (He holds up one finger) I've just one more question. Marcel: Ok. Let my guys go free, and I'll tell you whatever it is you want to know. Finn: (chuckles) How selfless, but we've already established that you don't know anything of any consequence. However, it's a common belief among the werewolves that you were, in fact, the last person to see Niklaus' child alive. You were in possession of the baby's corpse. (Marcel glares at him) So tell me, how, exactly, did the baby die? (Marcel thinks about this for a moment, but doesn't answer. Finn doesn't seem surprised) You don't remember. You don't remember because you were compelled to forget. Why would Niklaus compel away the truth from the vampire he thinks of as his adopted son, what... Besides a desire to protect his own daughter? (Marcel realizes where he's going with this and sighs. Finn looks practically gleeful) She's still alive... and now you and your vampires are gonna help me find her. (Marcel glares at him furiously) [ END ]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x12 - Sanctuary"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Aiden: So I got to ask, when's this wedding? Jackson: Ten days. After that, Hayley's power is your power. The full moon won't control you anymore. Klaus: (impressed) You truly believe that he is worthy of your trust? Hayley: Yes. Hayley (whispering): I want to tell you a story about a beautiful baby girl. Klaus: Elijah will remain here with you. He's been experiencing some side effects since his ordeal as our mother's cptive. Finn: I curse you to this body, a meaningless, lonely death. Freya: You know who I am. Rebekah: Freya. Freya: Tell our brothers I'll be coming to see them soon. Finn: How does it feel, hunger so intense, like shards of glass creeping through your veins? Finn: How, exactly, did baby die? She's still alive. You and your vampires are gonna help me find her. [ BELL TOWER - ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL ] (Finn is in the middle of casting a locator spell to find Hope, using a map of the United States, many herbs, a jar full of caterpillars, and a small poppet. He holds the poppet in his hands and flicks the doll with his middle finger while he chants the incantation) Finn: De volle es numerus puerum. De volle es numerus puerum. (As he chants, his voice grows louder, and veins in his forehead starts to pop out as he focuses all of his energy and attention on the spell, desperate to complete it. Suddenly, the table holding the map and materials, another table nearby, and all of the lit candles burst into flames around him. Angry and frustrated, Finn smashes the candle holders on the table and knocks the materials onto the floor. As he huffs and puffs in anger, Freya walks into the bell tower and smiles knowingly at him, and he glares at her in annoyance) Finn: Who are you? Freya: I was wondering if you would recognize me. (She smiles awkwardly as she takes him in) Then again, you look a bit different yourself. Finn: (frustrated) I'm gonna ask you again, before I ask much less nicely. Who are you? Freya: (walks toward him) Fitting I'd find you up here. We used to climb up into the trees when we were planning on a bit of mischief. (Finn stares at her, confused and disbelieving) Never wanted Mother to hear what her little Huginn and Muninn were whispering about. (Finn gapes at her in shock) Now, Finn, don't break my heart and tell me you've forgotten me. Finn: (still shocked) It can't be. (Freya smiles and bites her lip, near tears) Freya? (Freya giggles and lunges toward him to hug him tightly. Finn looks overwhelmed, while Freya smirks) Season 2 Episode 13 The Devil is Damned Original air date: 9th February, 2015 [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND / MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE ] (Rebekah is standing in one of the upstairs lounges, looking at a painted portrait of Rebekah, in her original body created centuries earlier, that hangs on the wall while Klaus stands behind her) Rebekah: (offended) That is just not my chin, Nik. It was much more delicate. Klaus: The only delicate thing about you, sister, is your ego. Rebekah: (turns to face him and smiles) Well, placed next to the behemoth size of yours, certainly! (They both laugh good-naturedly. Suddenly, Elijah's voice is heard, revealing that they are talking with him on speaker phone while he and Cami stay at the safe house in Arkansas) Elijah: (on the phone) Could we dispense with this fascinating dispute for just a moment and return to the subject of our supposed long-lost sister? Rebekah: (sighs) There's not much to discuss, Elijah. She said she was Freya, and then she darted off into the night. (At the safe house, Elijah is folding blankets in Hope's nursery, while he talks with his siblings on the phone) Elijah: And you believed her? Rebekah: Well, I met the girl in a mystical loony-bin, she could be anyone telling any lie. But, she did seem... familiar, somehow. Klaus: (frustrated) Then how is she still alive? (He rolls his eyes and sighs as he starts to pace around the room) A question, as ridiculous as its possible solutions, given this family's annoying predilection for cheating death. Rebekah: (sighs and shrugs) I dunno, Nik, I'm just telling you what she said! Klaus: Well, did you happen to ask, if by some similar miracle, our aunt Dahlia lives as well? Rebekah: I barely had a chance to process-- Klaus: (cuts her off) --Because on the list of obvious questions, it would be nice to know if the woman who placed a curse on the first-borns of this family is still breathing air. Rebekah: (annoyed) Well, let me just turn back time and do it again to your liking, then! Elijah: (on the phone) Enough! Both of you. If she is who she says, we'll find out soon enough. For now, it remains imperative that no one learns of Hope's existence. This has been our salvation thus far. Klaus: Unless Hayley's husband-to-be starts flapping his gums. (He smiles) Perhaps I should take preventative measures and separate him from his head? Elijah: (annoyed) Jackson will do nothing to jeopardize that wedding. Rebekah: (gasps in confusion) Hayley's getting married?! (Klaus smiles at her, and she sighs and pretends to pout) Well, what in hell else did I miss? [ THE BAYOU ] (Jackson is sitting outside Hayley's old shack in the werewolf encampments, where he's whittling a tree branch with a Knfe. After a moment, Hayley comes out with a broom and joins him) Hayley: Uh, why do people keep leaving broomsticks on the porch? (Jackson sees her and smiles widely) Seeing as I'm not much of a "sweep while the soup's cookin'" kind of gal. Jackson: (smiles wider and laughs) Well, back in the day, it wasn't easy getting a preacher out here. So, if you were engaged, and you couldn't wait... then the community would let you jump the broom. Hayley: (confused and oblivious) Couldn't wait for what? (Jackson can barely hold in his laughter and gives Hayley a significant look. She looks at him, puzzled, and Jackson starts giggling before Hayley finally understands the joke) Hayley: (clears her throat awkwardly in understanding) Oh! (She clears her throat awkwardly) Jackson: (giggling) Yup. Hayley: (waves the broom in the air before she drops it) I would have been happier with a panini press... (Jackson laughs hysterically, and she smiles at him goofily) Jackson: It's just a tradition! Hayley: (clearly uncomfortable) Yeah! Got it. (They sit in awkward silence for a moment before Hayley changes the subject) Hayley: (points to the tree branch) So... what are you working on? (Jackson stands up and moves onto the porch) Jackson: Oh! I started on this for your little girl when you lived here before. Now that she's alive... (He pulls a sheet off of a mound on the porch, revealing it to be a half-finished baby crib made out of wood. The headboard has a crescent moon carved into it) .. I figured it was time to finish it. (Hayley stares at the nursery in amazement, and after a moment, she smiles at him. Jackson clears his throat) Jackson: Something else... I'm getting word from a few packs outside of Louisiana? They wanna be here for the wedding! They want in on the Unification ritual! Hayley: (confused) I thought the ritual only affected the powers of the wolves in our pack? Jackson: (excited) Unless they recognize me as their Alpha. Then your power becomes their power! Hayley: You think their Alphas will step down and bow to you? Jackson: (nods) They're coming here today to do just that. (Hayley looks around, clearly overwhelmed) They want what you have, Hayley. I mean, we all do. I mean, a couple of weeks after the wedding, you are gonna have one hell of an army to protect your little girl. (Hayley looks at him and smiles) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Rebekah is wandering around the compound, calling out for Klaus) Rebekah: Nik? Nik! (Klaus comes out of the next room and joins her as he hangs up the phone) Klaus: (holds up his cell) That was Aiden. Finn has Marcel. (Klaus and Rebekah walk into Klaus' study to continue their conversation) Rebekah: (horrified) What? Why? Klaus: (frantic) I don't know. Nor do I know where they are, what they're doing, or what specifically to do about it. (He picks up a statue off the mantel and slams it down against the wood in frustration) This family makes me want to mrder people. (Suddenly, Kol appears behind them, looking exhausted) Kol: I see my timing is as impeccable as usual. Klaus: (appalled) Well, the traitor just thinks he can waltz in here like he's welcome! Rebekah: (growls furiously) As gracious as your apology better be, you're still getting one hell of a slap! (She lunges toward him, but Kol backs away, holding up a hand in front of him and speaking quickly) Kol: Wait! Wait. I understand the irony of what I'm about to say, but I came here because I need your help. (Klaus just laughs dramatically, while Rebekah only becomes more enraged) Rebekah: Figure out how to do your wicked little body-swap, and then we can talk about help! Kol: (frantic) Look, you don't understand, Nik. Finn has locked me in this body-- no more jumping. He's put a curse on me, Nik. I am dying. (Klaus just raises his eyebrows in amusement, while Rebekah crosses her arms and rolls her eyes. Kol laughs bitterly) You don't believe me. Klaus: Well, you're hardly the champion of truth-telling. Kol: Of course, why would a brother expect his siblings to leap to his aid? Klaus: (scoffs) Oh, spare me the pity party, Kol! Your recent actions merit a certain allowance for disbelief. Kol: (frustrated) Look, I know what I've done! (He turns to face Rebekah) But, I won't apologize for trying to pull one over on you, Beks. You deserved it! But I don't deserve to die! Certainly not at the hands of my own family! (Klaus yanks at Kol's arm and spins him so they're face-to-face) Klaus: (not amused) What kind of con are you playing? Kol: (jerks out of his grip) The kind I hate the most-- the truth. (Rebekah looks at Kol worriedly and walks toward Klaus) Rebekah: He's not lying. Even as a boy, Kol never lied once called out on the act. He may play dirty pool, but he's not lying. (Klaus sneers at him before turning away and pacing around the room. Kol walks toward him) Kol: Nik, I was helping Marcel for Davina. Finn has got him, he's trying to get a secret out of him, something he thinks Marcel knows about you. (Kol watches with interest as Klaus and Rebekah share worried and anxious looks. When Kol makes eye contact with Klaus, Klaus gives him a look as though he's inviting him to question him. Kol laughs bitterly) Kol: He's right, isn't he? Klaus: (coldly) Marcel doesn't know anything about anything. Kol: Well, if I were you, I'd hope that that's true, because believe me-- Finn has the means to get it out of him. [ BELL TOWER - ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL ] (Finn and Freya are sitting opposite each other, drinking mugs of tea while they catch up on what has been going on) Freya: I'm here because of a spell Dahlia cast, placing me in a deep sleep for a century, only to then wake for a single year of life. I've repeated this cycle for hundreds of years. It started as a way for us to stay young and beautiful. She said if a witch can't be immortal, this was the next best thing. But, in time, I realized that all her stories were paired with lies. Finn: (troubled) The way you're speaking of her... You're saying that Dahlia is still alive. Freya: (sips her tea) She doesn't just live... she hunts. I fled from her long ago, and I've been running ever since. To Dahlia, any act of betrayal is punishable by death. (Finn sighs anxiously and pinches the bridge of his nose, but Freya leans forward to reassure him) Dahlia is my cross to bear. She has no grudge against anyone but me. Finn: Did she ever speak to you about the curse she placed on this family? The one that says she can take the first-born of every generation? Freya: (confused) Yes. But why should that concern you? Our siblings are vampires, there are no first-borns for her to take. Finn: (sighs) Niklaus. The hybrid. He had a daughter. (Freya looks stunned and sits back, clutching onto the blue stone hanging from her necklace) Freya: Where is she? Finn: (panicked) He has her hidden. Our mother filled my head with the terror of what would happen to all of us if that child had lived, and I've been searching for her, but she's been impossible to find! Freya: Nothing is impossible to find, Finn! (Finn looks skeptical) As powerful as you are... I found you. (She reaches into the pocket of her jacket and pulls out a stack of Norse rune tiles, which she lays on the table) I'll need wormwood and rippleweed and a few other items. (Finn looks at Freya with interest, and she picks up a stray caterpillar off the table and holds it in her hand) I've come to understand a hard lesson in our time apart... (She closes her hands into a fist) .. You have to let some things die so that others might live. (She opens up her hands to reveal she has turned the caterpillar into a butterfly, which sits upon her finger. Finn looks at it, clearly pleased) (In another room in the church's attic, Finn has left all of the vampires in their magical circles on the floor. Marcel, who has just awakened, crawls weakly across the floor to where Gia is laying unconscious so he can talk to her) Marcel: (whispers) I know you're in there. Whatever Finn has in store, we're gonna get through this together. (Suddenly, Finn enters the room and stands behind him) Finn: It's that can-do spirit that makes you the perfect choice. I have a job for you. Marcel: (groans as he tries to stand to his feet) I don't think so. (Marcel continues to try to get to his feet, but he's too weak. Finn, annoyed, walks across the room to where some broken furniture lays and picks up a broken table leg before he stakes one of his vampires in the heart with it. Marcel looks horrified and upset as Finn turns to glare at him) Finn: (coldly) Really? You care to reconsider? (When Marcel remains silent, Finn telekinetically rips the heart out of the unconscious male vampire sitting next to him and summons it into his hand, which he drops carelessly onto the floor. Marcel becomes even more alarmed when Finn aims his hand at Gia in preparation to do the same to her) Marcel: (frantic) What do you want me to do? (He stands to his feet as Finn stops harming his vampires) Finn: It's simple, really-- I need you to bring me Hayley's blood. [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] (Cami is in the living room, playing with Hope, who is laying on her back on a blanket on the floor. In the kitchen, Elijah has just finished cleaning a skillet in preparation to make breakfast for the girls. He puts butter in the pan before cracking an egg into it. Suddenly, he hears a crash in the next room as Hope starts crying, and Elijah vamp-speeds in to see what happened. A broken dish lays on the floor as Cami picks her up. Hope has a small cut on her forehead) Cami: Oh! (to Elijah) She yanked the tablecloth and that knick-knack fell on her! (Elijah tries to soothe Hope as he examines her wound) It's just a scratch. (As Hope continues to scream and cry from the shock of the injury, Elijah is triggered into another one of his visions, where he gets flashes of the red door at the end of the hallway. Cami holds Hope closer to her as she tries to snap Elijah out of it) Cami: (concerned) Elijah? Elijah! (Finally, Elijah snaps out of it and looks at Cami) Elijah: Yes. (He looks embarrassed and uncomfortable, and Cami looks worried) Forgive me. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Rebekah and Kol are setting up candles, salt, and herbs on top of a map on a table in the courtyard to prepare for a spell, while Klaus leans against the nearby wall) Kol: (looks up at Klaus) So, what is the secret, anyway? Klaus: (bored) The term "secret" implies something only known by those who have earned the right to be aware of it. (He stands and faces them) Start the spell. Kol: Well, it's easier said than done. Finn is channeling the power from our parents. (He nods his head toward Rebekah) He's a lot stronger than something some week-old witch and I can do. Rebekah: (offended) Now, hang on! I may not be trained, but I... (Rebekah's emotional outburst causes her to accidentally create a magical wind that blows all of the spell ingredients and candles off of the table. Kol sighs in annoyance and looks at Rebekah, who looks both surprised and guilty as she sits on the couch) Rebekah: (defeated) Oh, blast. Klaus: (walks toward Kol) We need a stronger witch. Call Davina. Kol: (stands to his feet) No, no, no, no, no! I- I don't want her to know that I'm sick. Klaus: Then do a better bloody job! Kol: I just need time. Klaus: (rolls his eyes impatiently) The spell Finn cast to lock you in your body; do you remember it? Kol: Well, I was a little distracted by the mrder-y part... Klaus: If we can use his own spell against him, once he's locked in his body, I can end our collective woes with a brief snap of the neck! (Rebekah smiles knowingly) All I need to do is pull it from your memory. Kol: (frantically backs away) Oh, no, no, no! I am not allowing anybody into my mind, do you understand? Klaus: (walks toward him) You came into my home, asking for my help. This is it. (Kol looks at him warily) It's not a request. (Klaus lunges toward Kol and grabs each side of his head with his hands. Suddenly, Klaus sees a memory from the end of The Map of Moments, when Kol kissed Davina. The memory then turns to a scene from Chasing the Devil's Tail. Kol had just brought Davina to the Claire tomb, where he showed her the silver dagger he had stolen from Klaus centuries ago, which he wanted Davina's help to enchant to work on him) Kol: (in flashback) I've wanted one thing for years: to drive a dagger into his heart. (Klaus pulls away from Kol and glares at him furiously. Rebekah looks confused while Kol looks frightened) Kol: (anxious) See? I'm - I'm guessing, just by the look on your face, that it worked. (Klaus furiously lunges toward him and throws him against the wall, where he smacks his forehead against the corner of the doorway to the entrance) [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] (In the living room, Elijah is sitting on the floor with Hope in his lap, where he's putting a cupcake-patterned bandage on the scratch on Hope's forehead. Cami stands in the doorway and watches) Cami: It's a trigger. You pulled yourself back, which is an improvement for sure, but we can't ignore that your mind clearly went elsewhere. (Elijah stands, holding Hope in his arms, and faces her, looking uncomfortable) It's very common in traditional PTSD patients. We've done the work to face your atrocities. The truth is, it's just going to take some time to settle. Elijah: (smiles) And you believe you have the power to resolve this. Cami: (sighs) It's not that easy. There's no... (She snaps her fingers) .. and you're fixed. In cases like yours, sometimes not dwelling on the problem is more productive than examining it through the minutiae of therapy. (She pulls out a list on a sheet of paper and hands it to him) Staying mentlly busy instead of physically. This house - though charming - is completely falling apart. Elijah: (examines the list) So, this is your solution? Mend the home, mend the man? Cami: (smiles) Or, we could go fishing and I could tell you about the summer I lost my virginity... Elijah: (cuts her off) I'll mend the home. Cami: (nods in agreement) I'll spend the day with Hope! And you spend the day not thinking. And fixing the heater, because this place is freezing at night. (Elijah looks at Cami and smiles, and she smiles back) [ THE BAYOU ] (Jackson is outside of Hayley's old shack, where he is wrestling and playing with a handful of young children. They're all pulling on his arms and legs to try to get him to fall over as Jackson laughs happily. When Hayley returns outside, she finds them playing and starts laughing as well, and watches as they continue wrestling) Jackson: Oh, ho ho ho! Young boy 1: Hey, that's mine! Go to the water! Young boy 2: Last one there's a rotten egg! (Most of the children rush over to the lake, but one young girl, Daisy, stays behind and keeps tugging on Jackson's arm to try to knock him over. He picks her up and swings her around, but when they see Hayley, he just laughs and puts her down, patting her gently on the head before she runs off to join the others) Daisy: Wait for me! Hayley: (walks over to Jackson) Looks like I've got some competition! Jackson: (laughs) Unfortunately for Daisy, I am a one-woman kind of guy. Hayley: The meeting's taking place at Mary's. Jackson: (nods) 'Kay. (Hayley senses something nearby and looks around for a moment before turning her attention back to Jackson) Hayley: You go ahead! I'll be right there. (Jackson smiles at her and squeezes her hand affectionately before he leaves for Mary's cabin. Once he's gone, Hayley vamp-speeds over to a wooded area nearby, where she finds Marcel and shoves him, catching him off-guard) Marcel: (startled) Ahhh! Whoa! (He sees Hayley staring blankly at him and gets nervous) Wait! I'm not here to hurt you! Hayley: Well, stalking me is a very funny way of showing it. You're lucky we're friends, or I would have just klled you. Marcel: Okay, remember our friendship when I tell you why I'm here. Finn sent me to get your blood. Hayley: (confused) Why would Finn want my blood? Marcel: I assume he needs it for a locator spell... to find your daughter. Hayley: (stunned and horrified) No. (She looks around anxiously to make sure no one is listening) How does he know? Marcel: He put two and two together. Hayley: Where's Finn now? Marcel: I don't know. He said he'd tell me where to meet him later. But listen, I gotta give him something. He's klling one of my guys every hour until he gets it. Hayley: (thinks for a moment) I need to call Klaus. (She rushes away, leaving Marcel looking anxious and scared) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (In the courtyard, Klaus is confronting Kol about what he found while searching his memories. Kol sits on the floor where he fell, while Rebekah sits and watches from the nearby armchair) Klaus: (angry) You come simpering for brotherly love, and the whole time you were plotting against me with that damn dagger! You're no better than Finn! Kol: (hurt) Oh, and you thrat me makes you better than Finn, does it? Rebekah: (sighs and stands to join them) Both of you, just stop it! Kol: (stands) I came to you because you're my family! But, I see whilst you and Rebekah and Elijah are all hanging portraits and sharing secrets, I'm the odd one out! You wanna know where Finn is? You wanna find a way to kll him? Well, you can figure it out yourself! (He casts a pain infliction spell on Klaus that brings him to his knees, and when Rebekah tries to intervene, he casts one on her, too, forcing her to sit back down on the chair. He takes advantage of them being incapacitated and rushes out of the compound. Once they recover, they stand up, and Rebekah walks toward him) Rebekah: (panting) Your stupid temper will be the end of you one day. Just know that. (She walks out of the room, leaving Klaus panting alone in the courtyard. Suddenly, Klaus' phone starts to ring.. When he sees it's Hayley, he answers it) Klaus: (annoyed) What is it, Hayley? [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Kol has arrived at the Claire tomb, where he's clearly upset and pacing around angrily. He smashes a bunch of glass candle holders on the table and swipes the wreckage onto the floor. He falls onto the nearby couch and starts to cry, running his shaking hands through his hair while he considers his options. Suddenly, his nose starts bleeding, and he anxiously wipes it away. After a moment, his phone rings, and he answers it. It's Finn, who is sitting in his car somewhere) Kol: (furious) Are you calling to gloat, you venomous, venomous animal?! Finn: (laughs) There's no need for such language! I'm calling with a proposition that might motivate me to spare your life. Kol: (gasps and sits up) You've got my interest. Finn: I need you to draw some of Klaus' blood. Bring me some in an hour, and I'll heal you. (Kol quickly stands and picks up the paragon diamond he stole from the Dowager Fauline off of the desk) Kol: It would be my pleasure. [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE / MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Elijah leaves the horse sab in the yard with a toolbox and a radio and gets to work on repairing the ranch-style fence around the property. He starts hammering a nail the normal way, but after a moment, he grows bored and uses his vampire strength to hammer it in with one stroke) (Meanwhile, Klaus is trying to call Elijah from the compound, but when he doesn't answer, he starts yelling into his voicemail as he walks down the stairs, while Rebekah follows behind him) Klaus: (frustrated) Pick up the damn phone, Elijah! Finn is trying to find Hope! (He hangs up the phone) Rebekah: She's safe! It'll take a hundred witches to break the cloaking spell. Klaus: I would've said the same about Mother finding you, and yet, a flock of starlings later, and here we are! Rebekah: He won't let him get to her, Nik. But you need to remain calm. (Suddenly, Kol storms into the courtyard) Kol: (angry) Our brother doesn't do calm. (He throws a handful of powder into Rebekah's face, which causes her to go limp and fall to the ground. When Klaus rushes toward him, he holds out a hand and casts a spell that makes Klaus begin coughing up blood onto the floor as he clutches the paragon diamond in his other hand) Klaus: UGH! Stop! Kol: (enraged) Oh, you're angry, are you? Well, join the party, I've been here a thousand years! (Klaus lunges for Kol, but Kol just hits him with another spell, and he falls to his knees) I was building that dagger to protect myself against you, Nik. I'm not the bad guy in this chapter of our family's story! I'm the wronged! I'm the dad, but never mourned, unless you got everything that you wanted. I got a family who didn't care if I lived or if I died! Klaus: (furious) Oh, shut up! (He vamp-speeds toward Kol and grabs him in a choke-hold as he slams him against the wall) We've all suffered! We've all been wronged! Kol: (gasping for breath) Go on! Go on, finish it off! (Klaus looks torn) Go ahead, kll me! (Klaus glares at Kol for a long moment before finally letting him go and dropping him to the floor. He takes a moment to calm himself before he speaks) Klaus: (incredulous) I'm not going to kll you, you idiot! Despite your behavior, you're still my brother! (Kol looks at him in confusion and surprise as he catches his breath) Kol: Yeah, just the one you dagger repeatedly. Klaus: I've daggered all of you! Each for your own good! If you don't agree with my motives, fine. I never claimed to be the bastion of temperance! But stop this drivel about being singled out and unloved. (He walks toward Kol and kneels in front of him) You are a Mikaelson! You're my blood. And I need you. I need you by my side. Kol: What does it even mean, Nik? Hmm? You talk about family; family this, family that. I haven't even earned the right to share your secrets, have I? Klaus: (shakes his head) No. You haven't. But, by all means, brother, prove yourself. It's not too late. (He holds his hand out to Kol to help him up, and after a moment, Kol takes it, and they both stand to their feet) Kol: (quietly) Finn wants your blood. He promised to heal me if I delivered it. Klaus: You know where he is? Kol: You've gotta tell me why he wants it. (Klaus turns away, unsure, but Kol stops him) Look, Nik, you've gotta trust me for once in your life, and I will stand by your side! I promise. Klaus: You would risk your life to help me? Kol: I know enough about dark magic to know that I'm hexed. (His voice breaks in fear and sadness, and they both start to tear up) There's no reversing what Finn's done to me, which makes him a mrder and a liar. And if I'm gonna die, I'll be damned if he gets what he wants. Klaus: (swallows anxiously) Finn has been dad to me for a long time. Tonight, I intend to make that official. Help me, and then I will share my secret with you. (Kol considers this for a moment) Kol: He'll be in the bell tower of the St. Louis Cathedral. (He smiles sadly before grabbing Klaus' arms and putting his hands on either side of his head) Go inside my head. Find the spell. Let's finish this. (Klaus uses his vampire powers to dive into his memories, and Kol screams in pain) [ THE BAYOU ] (Outside Mary's cabin, she has gathered all of the Alphas of the packs intending to join the Crescents and has set up the ingredients for the ritual to bind them to Jackson and Hayley's pack. She waves a smudge-stick of sage over a bowl before turning to Jackson and the other Alphas) Mary: Wolves are bonded by what is most important to us: the earth of our territory, the blood of our packs. (As Mary walks toward the Alphas, Hayley sneaks over to Jackson to talk to him) Hayley: We have a problem. Jackson: (concerned) What's wrong? Hayley: (looks around) Too many ears. (She looks over at the Alphas, who are each pouring a handful of grain into the bowl to symbolize merging their packs) But, I need some of your blood. (Jackson gives her a puzzled look) It's - it's a stall. I'll explain later. Jackson: (nods in understanding and looks over at Mary and the Alphas) Well, your timing's perfect. (The Alphas each take a blade and slice open their palms to bleed into the bowl in turn) Mary: Mixing these elements, we irrevocably bind ourselves to one another, creating a new Crescent pack. I ask each one of you-- do you renounce your Alpha status? (The Alphas all kneel in front of Jackson. Mary brings the blade and the bowl over to Jackson, and he slices his own palm to bleed into the bowl. Mary leaves with the bowl, and Hayley looks up at Jackson) BELL TOWER OF ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL Edit (Klaus, Kol, and Rebekah arrive at the bell tower, only to find that Finn isn't there. All that remains is the table where he worked his spell earlier) Klaus: Where is he? Is this a trick? Kol: (nervous) He said he'd be here, I swear. (They all start wandering around the room and examining its contents for clues. Kol looks at the table covered in ash and ingredients of Finn's spell) Kol: This is the remnant of a spell. Ancient. It's impressive. Klaus: Admire its artistry later. Tell me what he set in motion. (Rebekah has walked up a staircase to get a better vantage point, and points at something on the table) Rebekah: Kol, what is that? (When he looks closer, he finds a small, burnt piece of wood under a pile of ash, which he picks up and holds tightly in his hand. After a moment, he casts a spell) Kol: Sanguinatum planicium. Sanguinatum planicium. (Suddenly, the piece of wood becomes whole and unburnt, revealing that it's one of Freya's Norse rune tiles with what looks like a combination of the "thurisaz" and "gebo" alphabet runes) Rebekah: Runic tiles. And what's it mean? Kol: It's a symbol... (He squints at the tile in confusion) .. for baby. (Klaus and Rebekah give each other a significant look, which doesn't escape Kol's notice. Kol's eyes widen in alarm when he realizes what it means) Kol: That's it, isn't it? Your baby's still alive. Rebekah: (rushes toward them) Finn tricked is into running about all day thinking he was looking for a way to find Hope... Klaus: (finishes her sentence) .. When he knew where she was all along. (Klaus quickly reaches into his pocket to pull out his phone) [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] (Elijah is back in the horse sab, putting away all of his tools, when his phone starts to ring. When he sees it's Klaus, he answers it) Elijah: Niklaus. Klaus (on phone): Finn knows. About Hope, about everything. I don't know how long until he gets there, but he is on his way. Elijah: (sees something approaching him and tenses in anticipation) Yes, remarkably well on his way, I would say, brother... (Finn, who has just arrived, stands in front of Elijah's face as he hangs up the phone. Finn says nothing, but simply flicks his wrist and telekinetically throws Elijah backwards into the wall) [ FARMER'S MARKET - ARKANSAS ] (Cami has taken Hope to the Farmer's Market, and she stops for a moment to call Elijah and leave him a voicemail from a payphone nearby) Cami: (on the phone) Hey, Elijah. I left my cell at the house like an idiot. Luckily, payphones are still a thing out here in the sticks! (She's distracted momentarily when she looks over at Hope in her stroller next to her and realizes the cut on her forehead is no longer visible underneath the bandage any longer) Um, anyway, we're heading home now. (She hangs up the phone and kneels in front of Hope's stroller to examine her wound. She peels off the bandage to reveal that while there is blood on it, the wound itself is completely healed. Cami laughs in amusement and gently caresses her head) Cami: (to Hope) I don't know if the pediatric ward would approve of Uncle Elijah using vampire blood to heal boo-boos! (She laughs again and continues to gaze at Hope affectionately) [ BELL TOWER OF ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL ] (Klaus is pacing around as he hangs up his phone and updates Kol and Rebekah) Klaus: (anxious) Cami's not answering. Rebekah: Elijah will protect them. Klaus: Finn is channeling both our parents. He's too strong. We need to find a way to sever his link to them! How do we do that? Kol: I can't sever the link. (His eyes widen as he has a revelation) But there is something we can try. It'll take power of our own. And a lot of it. [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] (Elijah has just picked himself off the floor and glares at Finn angrily as he lunges for him. Before Elijah can touch him, Finn waves his arm in front of him and casts a spell to protect him) Finn: Kimbe portranti. (Elijah looks at him mrder, but Finn just smiles and shrugs) Elijah: How'd you find me? Finn: A little help from our sister. Elijah: Rebekah would never lure herself to wallow in your filth. Finn: We have more than one, you know. (Elijah looks confused) And I get the sense she doesn't like you all that much. Elijah: (shocked) Freya? Finn: Mother warned me Dahlia would kll us all to acquire another first-born Mikaelson. And me? I'm in no mood to die! [ THE BAYOU ] (Hayley is talking with Marcel, who is holding a vial of Jackson's blood, in her old shack) Hayley: (worried) Klaus said it was all just a plan to keep us distracted. He's going after her, I have to get there. Marcel: (stops her) Whoa, wait! You said so yourself, it's six hours away. Finn's already there. Hayley: I can't just stand here and do nothing, Marcel! Marcel: You listen to me. There is no way that Elijah is gonna let anything happen to your baby girl today! So, go help Jackson build the army that'll help keep her safe tomorrow. (Hayley nods at him in agreement before leaving to go find Jackson) (Elsewhere in the Bayou, Gia and the other vampires awaken to find themselves in a dark van, still starving from Finn's spell. Gia opens the back doors to the van to find themselves in the middle of the woods near the werewolf encampments as the rest of the vampires get out of the trunk) Gia: Where the hell are we? Male Vampire: I smell blood. (Gia and the male vampire lead the rest toward the source of the smell) [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE - ARKANSAS ] (Elijah is still in the sab, pacing around, while Finn stands defiantly) Elijah: Cowering behind your witchcraft? You always were pathetic, Finn. Finn: After nearly a millennium of dishonorable acts hidden away in your own mind, you have the audacity to call me names? Ha! What I do now, I do for the members of my family who can still be saved. Unfortunately, neither you nor Niklaus managed to make that list. (Finn uses his magic to telekinetically throws a nearby pick-ax into Elijah's back. While Elijah desperately tries to pull it out, he telekinetically throws the handle of a shovel into his heart, temporarily neutralizing him. Elijah falls to the ground, and once he's down, his skin starts to desiccate. Satisfied, Finn leaves the barn and walks toward the house) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Kol and Rebekah are outside the Lyonne tomb, where Finn has Esther and Mikael's neutralized bodies hidden for safe-keeping. Kol is lighting candles around the outside of the tomb) Kol: (frustrated) We can't get in without Finn's blood. Rebekah: Well, how do we disrupt Finn from channeling our parents in there if we can't even get through the bloody binding circle? Kol: We're not here to disrupt Finn's power, we're trying to overload it. Rebekah: (incredulous) Are you daft? You want to make him stronger? Kol: (stands to face her) Look, a witch can only ever channel so much power. After that, things start to get ugly. I mean, they'll literally start to disintegrate from the inside. He'll either have to release the power, or, well... let it kll him. Rebekah: But, he won't be dad, he'll just body-jump. Kol: Yes, into a body three hundred miles away from the niece he's trying to 'nap. Rebekah: (smiles proudly) In case you're wondering, this is the side of you I like. (Kol, looking touched by her words, stands up after he finishes arranging the candles and looks at her apologetically) Kol: Look, I'm going to get you back in your body, Beks, if it's the last thing I do. I promise. Rebekah: (chuckles) Right now, just worry about how in blazes I'm going to be any use to you whatsoever when I know nothing about magic. Kol: You don't need to know anything about magic; I'm just going to have to channel you. (Klaus arrives with a duffle bag in his hand) Kol: Did you get me what I asked for? Klaus: (drops the bag onto the floor in front of him) Mystical artifacts and dark objects galore, from my own personal collection garnered over a thousand years. (Kol rfles through the bag, pulling out a long cord with a feather on the end, and revealing many more items, including the familiar enchanted shackles that prevent witches from doing magic and the Devil's Star) Kol: I wondered where this had gone! Half this stuff is mine! Klaus: There's more. (He reaches into his jacket pockets, first pulling out the blade Finn used to neutralize Mikael and Esther by carving the symbol to channel them and throwing it on the bag. He then pulls out the indestructible white oak stake and holds it out for Kol to take) Kol: You're going to trust me with this? Klaus: Whatever you need. (He puts the stake in Kol's hand) Whatever it takes. Kol: (nods) Alright. Let's get started. (He lays the stake on the altar in front of the tomb, and places one hand on the door before holding out the other hand for Rebekah to take. She takes his hand and places her free hand on the wall as well, holding their linked hands above the pile of dark objects to channel them) [ THE BAYOU ] (Outside Mary's cabin, she has a sheet of parchment titled "Pledge of Fealty," which the Alphas of the other packs signed as part of the ritual to induct them into the Crescent Wolf Clan. Mary has crushed herbs into a paste, which she smears onto the bottom of the treaty) Mary: After the anointing of the Alphas, will be the final seal of our... (She stops talking and gapes as Gia and the rest of the vampires swarm around Jackson and the Alphas, looking hungry and weakened. When Jackson looks up and notices them, he watches as Gia's eye-veins start to pop out in hunger. Suddenly, all the vampires start to attck the Alphas, and Jackson rushes toward them to try to break it up) Jackson: Gia, you don't have to do this! Gia: I'm sorry, but I do. (She vamps-out and starts to feed on one of the Alphas, while another vampire rushes toward Jackson. Jackson picks up a piece of wood to stake the vampire, but Hayley stops him from klling him as she tries to break them up) Hayley: No! (Marcel intervenes and breaks the neck of the vampire trying to attck Jackson) Marcel: (to Jackson and Hayley) We just need to keep them at bay until Finn's spell is breaks. Jackson: It's a hell of a spell! Hayley: (to Jackson and Marcel) Get the Alphas to the cabin. I'll hold them off. (Jackson does as he's told and leads the Alphas to Mary's cabin while Marcel follows behind him and Hayley fights the vampires) Marcel: (to Hayley) Try and keep my guys alive. Hayley: Ditto! (She punches a vampire in the face before snapping the necks of two of them in a row with one hand. Marcel and Jackson get the Alphas and Mary safely into the cabin, but once they lock themselves in, they hear vampires leaping onto the roof in an attempt to get in) Jackson: Marcel, you got any idea how to end this? Marcel: Just weather the storm until we figure that out! [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE / LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (With Elijah neutralized for the moment, Finn enters the safe house through the front door. He stops and chuckles to himself when he sees baby toys set up all around the inside of the home) (Meanwhile, outside in the barn, Elijah has gn to heal and awakens from his brief slumber, immediately jerking awake and looking around for Finn) (Inside, Finn continues looking around the house. He finds a familiar-looking cardigan sweater laying on the arm of the couch, and when he picks it up, he smiles knowingly when he realizes that it's Cami's) Finn: (drops the sweater) Where are you, Camille? (Outside, Elijah hears Finn calling out for her and pulls the shovel out of his chest so he can go after him) There's no use in hiding! (At the cemetery, Rebekah and Kol are in the middle of channeling the dark objects into the link with Mikael and Esther to overpower Finn while Klaus watches) Kol & Rebekah: (chanting) Los triforce comète. Los triforce comète. (After a moment, they're jerked backwards. Rebekah looks at Kol worriedly as his nose starts to bleed. He looks exhausted and sick) Kol: Oh, we're close! We just need something to put it over the top. Klaus: (steps forward) Take me. (Kol looks unsure) I am a vampire-werewolf hybrid with ten centuries of blood on my hands. Channel me. Kol: (shakes his head) No, Nik... Klaus: (squeezes his arm affectionately) You wanted my trust, brother. Here it is. (He picks up the Knfe and places it in Kol's hand) Do not fail me. (Klaus kneels in front of Kol, and after Rebekah nods at him encouragingly, Kol takes up the Knfe and begins to carve the channeling symbol onto Klaus' forehead. Kol and Rebekah then gently lay Klaus down on the ground between them, next to the dark objects, and once again link hands so they can begin the spell) Kol & Rebekah: Los triforce comète. Los triforce comète. [ MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE / LAFAYETTE CEMETERY / THE BAYOU ] (Finn is still searching for Cami and Hope in the safe house, and is looking through the various rooms) Finn: (angry) I know you're in here, Camille! (Suddenly, a large Knfe flies through the open front door and embeds itself right into Finn's abdomen. He yells out in pain as Elijah walks purposefully through the door in his direction, kicking the door shut behind him. Finn groans as he pulls the Knfe out) (In the cemetery, Kol and Rebekah continue channeling Klaus and the bagful of dark objects through Mikael and Esther. At the safe house, Finn's nose begins to bleed, and he drops the blade onto the floor as he wipes at his lip. He glares at Elijah and flicks his fingers) Finn: Lec sale te femmet! (Elijah's body is telekinetically pulled toward Finn, and Finn directs his fingers in such a way that Elijah is thrown back and forth against the walls before being flung through the wall into the living room. As Elijah gets up, he notices that the impact broke a pipe which is now leaking gas into the house. Elijah is distracted suddenly by the sight of blood on his shirt from where Finn sab him earlier, and the blood on his hands triggers another vision of the red door in his mind as Finn stumbles toward him) (In the cemetery, Kol and Rebekah are still desperately casting the spell in hopes of forcing Finn's hand. Finn is overwhelmed by all the power and falls against the wall as he screams in pain) Finn: Ahhhhh! (As Kol and Rebekah chant, the power forces its way through the tomb, into Mikael and Esther's neutralized bodies, and then into Finn himself) Finn: (bellows) Ahhhhh! (Kol and Rebekah are overwhelmed by the power flowing through them and scream in pain as well) Kol & Rebekah: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! (In the cemetery, Kol and Rebekah are both thrown backwards onto the floor, while in the safe house, Finn crumples to his knees) (In the Bayou, Hayley is still furiously fighting against the starving vampires, spinning and kicking them as hard as she can. She inadvertently throws one of the vampires onto the pile of wood, and one of the sticks accidentally goes through his heart and kills him. Hayley looks guilty and ashamed when she turns to find Gia glaring at her) Hayley: I don't want to kll you, Gia. (Suddenly, Gia faints before she can do anything, and Marcel just barely catches her before she hits the ground. As they look around, all of the rest of the vampires have crumpled to the the ground as well. Hayley and Marcel look confused) Marcel: They broke the spell. [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Rebekah stands up and rushes over to help Kol onto his feet. Once he's standing, she hugs him tightly) Rebekah: (squeezes him) You're a genius! You glorious bastard! Kol: (embraces her back) Well, I'm a little surprised it worked, myself. (All of a sudden, Kol is overcome by a severe coughing fit, and backs away from her as he doubles over. Rebekah looks at him with worry) Rebekah: (rubs his back) Kol? (Kol continues to cough, and she pulls him up so she can look him in the eyes) Listen. I am not going to let you die. You hear me? Whatever it takes. (Kol smiles weakly at her and sways on his feet) [ THE BAYOU ] (Marcel is carrying the unconscious bodies of the vampires outside in the yard while Hayley stands by and watches. After a moment, Jackson returns from Mary's cabin) Jackson: Hayley? (As soon as Hayley sees him, she hugs him tightly and breathes a sigh of relief. Jackson rubs her back soothingly until she pulls away) Hayley: Hope will be alright. Elijah will protect her, I know it. (Jackson nods in understanding) But Jack, this stuff, these attcks, they're only going to get worse. We need to get married as soon as possible. (Jackson nods again, but remains silent) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Kol and Rebekah are helping sit Klaus up in front of the Lyonne tomb after waking him up from the channeling spell) Klaus: (panting) Ahh. Tell me it worked. Kol: (smiles) We did our bit. (Rebekah smiles at them) I promise, Finn is back to being a normal, regular-strength maniacal bastard. Klaus: (takes a deep breath) I know in the last millennium, we haven't always seen eye-to-eye. But, in this moment, I am reminded once again of something Elijah has always said. Family is power. (Kol smiles at him, and Klaus puts his arm around Kol and Rebekah's shoulders) Thank you. Kol: You're welcome. Rebekah: Speaking of Elijah... Klaus: He will prevail. Of that, I have no doubt. [ ARKANSAS BACK ROADS / MIKAELSON SAFE HOUSE ] (Cami is driving up the road toward the safe house with Hope in tow) (Inside the house, Finn is still kneeling on the floor in the hallway, but manages to get to his feet. He's shaky as he walks into the next room, where Elijah is staring at his hands in a daze as he rubs them together, smearing the blood over his skin) (In the car, Cami hears Hope make a whiney noise and smiles as she checks on her) Cami: It's okay! (As they drive, Cami starts humming Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star to soothe her) (In the safe house, Finn watches Elijah from behind as he continues smearing the blood over his hands) Finn: Look at you, brother. You're a mess. (Unbeknownst to Finn, Elijah is listening and forcing himself not to react as he keeps rubbing his hands together) And, as we both know, untidiness is your undoing. Tell me, do your soiled clothes serve as a reminder of your filthy memories? Your many sins? Are you having bad memories now, brother? Perhaps of the innocent Tatia? Or any one of the other poor souls who met their fate at your hands? (Cami and Hope continue driving toward the house. Inside, Elijah continues pretending not to listen to Finn taunt him) Finn: It's a shame, really, because, in a way, the child is just another one of your victims. Had you the will to stand against me, you might've saved her. But, because she was left under the protection of a wretch, a beast that basks in the blood of others, she. will. die. I suppose your little niece never really had a chance. (Cami and Hope are just about to the house when the car suddenly shuts off in the middle of the road. Cami, confused, starts pressing the start button, but nothing will power up. In the house, Elijah continues to wait Finn out) Finn: I'd ask for a response, but I wouldn't want to taint myself with the vulgar refuge that must, even now, be flashing through your mind. Elijah: (puts down his hands and sighs in annoyance) Let me assure you, my mind is quite clear. (Finn looks alarmed as he stares at Elijah) Much like the gas that has pervaded every single room in this home whilst you've been rambling like the lunatic that you are. (He turns to face Finn, who is staring at him in shock) You have disgraced this family for the last time. (Elijah takes off his daylight ring and holds it in one hand while he holds his other hand into the sunlight) Elijah: Goodbye, brother. (His hand burns and bursts into flames, igniting the gas in the air and blwing up Finn and the house in a humongous fre-ball. On the road, Cami sees the explsi*n and jumps in shock and horror as she watches the house go up in flames) Cami: (horrified) Oh my God! (All of a sudden, the car's power clicks back on, startling Cami once again. Completely shocked, Cami turns back to Hope, who is sitting calmly in her car seat. She realizes that Hope had stopped the car to protect them from harm and gapes at her in awe) [ END ]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x13 - The Devil is Damned"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Rebekah: Hello, Nik. Klaus: (gapes at her, clearly shocked, but eventually smiles) Rebekah. Freya: You know who I am. Rebekah: Freya. Freya: Tell our brothers I'll be coming to see them soon. Mary: Do you renounce your Alpha status? Hayley: These attcks, they're only gonna get worse. We need to get married as soon as possible. Finn: I curse you to this body, a meaningless, lonely death. Elijah: Niklaus. Klaus (on phone): Finn knows about Hope, about everything. He is on his way. (Gas hissing) Elijah: Gas has pervaded every single room in this home. Good-bye, brother. [ BACK ROADS OF ARKANSAS ] (It is night time now, and Cami and Hope are speeding down the road in the SUV. Hope is crying, and Cami turns back to comfort her. Cami looks panicked) Cami: (anxious) It's okay, sweet girl. I just need to find a pay phone. (Cami finally finds a run-down auto garage and pulls in. There is a car with its hood popped in the parking lot, but otherwise it is completely deserted. Once the car is parked, Cami gets out and rushes over to pick up the still-crying Hope from the back seat before they head toward the pay phone. After a moment, Cami trips and accidentally drops all of her change onto the ground) Cami: (frustrated) Damn it! (Hope starts to cry harder, and Cami looks guilty) Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry. You're being so brave, the least I can do is watch my... (Cami cuts herself off when she hears a metallic noise nearby and freezes in place. She gulps nervously before raising her voice) Cami: Whoever's out there, if you try anything, I will gouge out your eyes! (She pants nervously before hearing a voice behind her. It's Elijah, whose clothes are burnt in places and whose body is covered in ash, but is otherwise unscathed) Elijah: Actually, Camille, that's probably not necessary. (He reaches his hand out to her to communicate that she should come over to him quickly. As she does, she looks at him in panic) Cami: What the hell happened back there? Elijah: (ushers her toward the SUV) That's a discussion for the car. (He checks to make sure no one is watching them) Let's move! Season 2 Episode 14 I Love You, Goodbye Original air date: 16 February, 2015 [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Hayley is in her bedroom, quickly packing up a bag of clothes, when Klaus enters the room) Klaus: What do you think you're doing? Hayley: (continues packing) Elijah said they're on the road. So, I'm going to go to them and get my daughter. Klaus: Hayley... Hayley: (cuts him off) Do not tell me that it's not safe! I'll tell you what's not safe: blwing up a house just to keep your evil brother from finding her! Klaus: (sighs) We will deal with Finn. Hayley: (raises her voice) And then what? Every time you kll him, he's just going to jump into another body. Klaus: We tried running. We tried hiding. Neither will work. Hayley: So what's your bright idea? Klaus: As it happens, I am working on a plan as we speak! One which will be bolstered greatly if you just calm down and keep your eye on the prize! Hayley: (talks over him) Do not manage me, I have every right to... Klaus: (interrupts her) Hayley, you are getting married today. An act which will seal the loyalty of all the wolves that answer to Finn! (Hayley gives him a look) You will be queen to an army. (He takes the bag out of her hands and sets it on the bed) And a queen does not run. [ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ] (In Davina's attic room, Josh is groaning in pain and pinching the bridge of his nose as though he has a headache. Davina returns to the room to check on him) Davina: Well, you still don't look so good. Josh: Ugh, this is worse than the Halloween Hangover of 2011. (Davina giggles, and Josh sighs) I went after Aiden, didn't I? (Davina's smile falls slightly, and she kneels in front of him to look him in the eyes) Davina: You know, he was up all day, all night with you until Marcel called and said that the spell was broken. Josh: (nods) You guys totally saved my ass. (Suddenly, Kol walks into the room, and Davina rolls her eyes playfully) Kol: Yeah, well, don't mention it! (He tosses Josh a blood bag) There you go, here's a little go-juice. So, you should be, well... (He gestures toward the door) ...going. (Davina giggles and gives Josh a hug before he leaves) Davina: Bye. (Once Josh has left, Kol walks into the bedroom toward Davina) Davina: (crosses her arms) So, where were you yesterday? Kol: Well, you know, being a hero, saving the day, the usual! Davina: Ah. And you didn't think I could help? Kol: Well, you were with your mate! Davina: You couldn't have called me? It takes ten seconds. Kol: (gasps mockingly) Oh-ho, this is a right proper spat we're having? It's almost as if we're, uh... oh, what is that phrase? "Going steady?" Davina: (rolls her eyes) You wish. Kol: Ah, maybe! Maybe I could make it up to you? By, uh, well... finishing a mystical dagger? What do you say? [ THE BAYOU ] (Aiden and Jackson are standing out on the docks of the lake, where they're having the traditional Viking funeral for the Alphas who were klled in The Devil is Damned. They both look torn) Aiden: All those Alphas... dad. That's a lot of wolves that are gonna want revenge. Jackson: We make it clear the witches were behind this. The vampires were manipulated by dark magic. This... wasn't their fault. (Their conversation is interrupted by Klaus, who comes up behind them and greets them with Hayley's bag from earlier, only it is now covered in blood. He throws it at their feet) Klaus: Gentlemen. I come bearing gifts. Jackson: (wary) The hell did you do? Klaus: I removed the heads of the wolf leaders who refused to relinquish Finn's moonlight rings! Jackson: (unamused) You brought me a bag of werewolf heads? Klaus: (shrugs) Well, I'd hoped you'd see it as an early wedding present! Besides, I can't have witch sympathizers in my army. Jackson: (approaches him) The wolves are not now, nor ever will be your army. Klaus: You know, you are a brave and selfless leader, Jackson. (Jackson nods in agreement) And I'm positive you'll remain so for the entire duration of your reign. (Confused, Aiden joins Jackson's side as Klaus continues) Festivities begin at eight at my compound. Spread the word. And, do arrive early enough to clean yourself up. It's your wedding day, for God's sake! (Klaus smiles at them before turning and leaving. Aiden and Jackson look at each other, clearly confused and suspicious. Jackson kicks at the bag of werewolf heads) Jackson: Am I crazy, or did he just do his version of a nice thing? [ ARKANSAS MORGUE / LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Freya has just entered the morgue, where she finds two bodies in black body bags laying on the autopsy tables. She walks toward the nearest one and unzips the bag to find Finn's body, which is badly burnt on one side. She lays her hand on his chest) (At the cemetery, Davina and Kol are in the Claire tomb, preparing to do the Kemiya spell to turn the silver dagger into gold so it can be used against Klaus. Kol lights a bunsen burner as Davina sets up the ingredients) Kol: Are you ready? Davina: I don't know. Never done this before, remember? Kol: I've never actually completed the spell itself, but, then, I've never had an accomplice as powerful as you. (He pulls the silver dagger out of his trunk and holds it up as he smiles at her. She giggles as he returns to her) Davina: So, let's do it, then! Kol: Let's do it. (At the morgue, Freya looks more closely at Finn's brned body, revealing that he's wearing her blue pendant talisman. She smiles at him) (At the Claire tomb, Davina and Kol are both holding onto the handle of the dagger as they hold it into the flame of the bunsen burner as they cast the spell) Kol & Davina: A Loki gae la lidi. A Loki gae la lidi. (At the morgue, Freya is pouring a handful of salt over Finn's body as she casts her own spell) Freya: (chants) Helbred bransar, belaste herte, begin panet. Helbred bransar, belaste herte, begin panet. (The spell continues at the Claire tomb) Kol & Davina: A Loki gae la lidi. A Loki gae la lidi. (The spell continues at the morgue) Freya: (chants louder) Helbred bransar, belaste herte, begin panet. Helbred bransar, belaste herte, begin panet. (At the Claire tomb, the spell continues) Kol & Davina: A Loki gae la lidi. A Loki gae la lidi. (Suddenly, the dagger becomes so hot that both Kol and Davina drop it onto the floor. They look down at it in shock before Davina kneels and picks up the dagger, which has turned from silver to gold. Davina smiles at him proudly) Kol: (amazed) I think it worked! (Davina can't help but chuckle in amazement. Kol looks at her in the eyes before leaning forward and kissing her gently. Davina pulls away briefly to set the dagger on the table before she wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him more passionately) (Freya is finishing her spell at the morgue) Freya: (chants louder) Helbreth renzar bilaste herte begimbi. Helbreth renzar bilaste herte begimbi. (At the Claire tomb, Kol suddenly stops kissing Davina and gasps in shock. As he backs away from her, his nose starts to bleed pretty heavily. He leans against the nearby table and wipes the blood from his lip with one hand) Davina: (worried) Kol, are you okay? (At the morgue, Freya's blue pendant talisman starts to glow around Finn's neck as her spell takes effect) Freya: Helbreth renzar bilaste herte behimbi. Helbreth renzar bilaste herte behimbi (Suddenly, Finn awakens with a gasp, though his burns are not fully healed) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (At the Claire tomb, Kol is recovering from his nosebleed, mopping up the blood with a tissue as Davina watches him, clearly concerned) Davina: Kol, are you sure you're alright? (Kol is turned away from her, and looks extremely scared and worried, but when he turns to face her, he puts on a fake smile) Kol: I'm fine! Oh, a spell like that takes his toll, doesn't it? (Davina looks as though she doesn't believe him, but humors him anyway and nods in agreement) Kol: (points to the dagger) And you hide that for now, okay? Because, uh, well, today, we've got a reason to celebrate. (He walks toward her) Come to the wedding with me. Davina: (smiles and hands him the dagger) Fine. But, if there's music? We're dancing. (Davina turns and leaves the tomb to get ready. Once she's gone, Kol's smile falls, and he pulls out his phone and dials a number) Kol: (on the phone) Beks? Beks, it's your brother. I need a favor. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Hayley is in her bedroom, looking through a wardrobe of old dresses, hats, and jewelry, when Rebekah appears in the doorway, hiding something in her hand from view) Rebekah: Alright, bad news first: I will have to miss your nuptials. (Hayley looks at her in disappointment) Kol has a bit of a life-and-death matter he needs help dealing with. Hayley: Anything I can do, Rebekah? Rebekah: It's witch business. Which now seems to be my thing. (Hayley laughs and rolls her eyes) Besides, you have enough to deal with! On that note... (She pulls out a white lace wedding dress that she was hiding behind the door frame, and Hayley's eyes widen in surprise) It's white, which won't fool anyone. But you can't get married in skinny jeans and combat boots. (She hands Hayley the dress, and Hayley hums in gratitude) Hayley: Oh, Rebekah... Thank you. (Rebekah smiles at her and watches as Hayley stands in front of her full-length mirror and holds the dress against her body to see how it looks) Hayley: It's beautiful. Rebekah: Well, I happen to be the only woman alive who's commissioned wedding dresses in five different centuries. Never made it down the aisle, of course. Hayley: Well, it's not too late! From what I understand, Marcel is still single... (Rebekah smiles shyly and licks her lips) Have you told him yet that you're... you? Rebekah: I thought I'd hold off on that for the moment. Only complicates matters. And, I'm not exactly sure how long this... (She gestures at her body) .. is going to last. Hayley: (chuckles) Right. Rebekah: (smiles and walks toward her) Hayley... I wanted to say... Now, you might be marrying Jackson Kenner of the boozy backwater Kenners, but you're still one of us. A Mikaelson. Always will be. Hayley: (smiles happily) Gosh, that would be such a nice compliment if it didn't link me to so many homicidal lunatics. (Rebekah smiles and winks at Hayley before she turns and leaves the room. Hayley turns back to the mirror and admires her new dress) [ FRENCH QUARTER ] (Josh is waiting around in an alley, pacing nervously, when Aiden turns into the alley from the street and walks toward him) Josh: (anxious) Thanks for coming. Look, I know I owe you a... (Aiden immediately opens his arms and lunges toward him to give him a big hug) .. massive apology... Aiden: You scared the hell out of me. Josh: I know, and I'm sorry. I just... (Josh cups the side of Aiden's face gently with his hand, but Aiden nervously pulls it away) Aiden: Look, um... Hayley and Jackson are getting married today. Quarter's gonna be packed with wolves. 'Kay, and after this wedding? Our whole pack will inherit Hayley's control of her wolf form! That means werewolves will be able to turn at will; we'll be that much more deadly to vampires. To you. (Josh looks at him with a hurt expression) I... think we need a time-out. Josh: (confused) Whoa, whoa! I'm sorry, is this the world's worst breakup speech? Because if so, just say it like it is: you wanna call things off because it would look bad for the werewolf VP to be dating... me. Aiden: No! Dating me puts a target on your back! I'm just trying to keep you safe! Josh: (angry) Okay, you know what? I can't remember the last time I was safe. (Josh, visibly hurt, sighs and walks away from him. Aiden looks upset) Aiden: Josh... (Josh keeps walking and doesn't look back, leaving Aiden alone in the alley) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (The ballroom of the compound is full of decorators and caterers who are setting up for the impending wedding. Jackson has just arrived, and he and Hayley walk around and take it all in) Jackson: Ohhhh, I so do not belong in your world. Hayley: (scoffs) My world? Give me some credit. I'm not exactly the girl who sat around fantasizing about her wedding day. And, if I had... (She gestures to a huge wedding cake being pushed on a cart by a caterer) .. it probably would have looked a little less... this. Jackson: Yeah... (He turns and looks at Hayley) You getting cold feet? Hayley: (shakes head) No. This is what's right. For Hope, for our pack. (Jackson nods in agreement as Klaus enters the room) Klaus: Hayley. If I might intrude, there's someone who wishes to say hello. (Hayley and Jackson share a look before she joins Klaus and walks into the courtyard, with Jackson following behind her. Just as they make it into the courtyard, Cami and Elijah, who is now wearing fresh clothes, walk in from the opposite direction. Cami has Hope in her arms, and they smile at them) Hayley: (to Klaus) You brought them here? Finn could be anywhere! Klaus: I've taken precautions. There'll be no uninvited guests at your wedding, and after, your wolves will be the first line of defense to this home. No more running, Queen. (Klaus smiles at her and gestures for her to go see Hope. Elijah nods at them encouragingly. Hayley goes and takes Hope out of Cami's arms, and Hope immediately begins cooing and babbling happily when she finally gets to see her mother. Hayley and Cami both giggle contently as Hayley walks toward Jackson) Hayley: Hope, this is Jackson. Jackson, this is Hope. (Jackson smiles when he sees her, and Hope stares at him in wonder. When Jackson holds out his hand, Hope clutches his fingers tightly and coos at him. Hayley and Jackson can't help but smile at her, while Elijah watches them from afar, looking troubled) (In Klaus' study, Klaus pours himself a sht of bourbon and drinks it quickly as Elijah joins him. Klaus pours himself another sht and doesn't turn to face his brother right away) Elijah: I thought your daughter's return would please you. Klaus: I'm overjoyed. (He drinks the second sht) And I'll be even more so provided you do nothing to dissuade Hayley from going through with this wedding. Elijah: (confused) Is there something you wish to discuss, Niklaus? Klaus: (turns to face Elijah) Everyone knows you're in love with her. But, Hayley has a duty to this family, and so do you. Elijah: I was under the impression this was Hayley's choice. Tell me you did nothing to bully this decision. Klaus: We're mobilizing an army. She will do what is asked of her. And you will do nothing to prevent that. Elijah: (strides over to Klaus to look him in the eye) Unless, of course, I learn that she was pressured into sacrificing her freedom in the name of some political alliance. Klaus: Hayley is putting family first. I suggest you do the same. Elijah: Family is always first. Klaus: (claps Elijah on the shoulder) Well, then we won't have a problem, will we? [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (In the Claire tomb, Rebekah and Kol are holding both of each others hands as they do a spell to try to heal Kol, surrounded by lit candles. Kol channels Rebekah's power and mutters the incantation) Kol: (chanting) Voltre mezino cadau. Voltre mezino cadau. (Suddenly, Kol gets a piercing ringing sound in his ears as his nose starts to bleed again. He angrily lets go of Rebekah's hands and swipes many of the materials off of the table and onto the floor as he yells in frustration. Rebekah looks at him sympathetically and reaches out to rub his arm) Kol: NO! Rebekah: Calm down. You need to keep your wits if you're to bat this. (Kol sits down on the bench by the table, looking exhausted and defeated) Kol: There is no beating it. (Rebekah looks at him sadly) It's latched on like a vice. Rebekah: So you're giving up? What happened to the brother I used to know? The one who laughed death in the face? Kol: (quietly) It's a lot easier to do when you haven't died already once. And I hated it the first time. The ironic thing is that I actually preferred this go-round. Being a witch. No heightened emotion, no bloodlust. It was just me. For a while, anyway. (He laughs bitterly. Rebekah is speechless) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Hayley is getting dressed in her bedroom in preparation for the wedding. She's wearing the wedding dress Rebekah got her, and her hair is loose, with braids on the sides that are secured in the back with small white flowers. Hope is sitting on the floor, playing with her toys and cooing happily next to her) Hayley: Ah-ha-ha! I still can't believe that you're here! (She kneels down in front of Hope) Now, Mommy has to go and do this big thing, but don't worry! Because Cami will watch you, and after that, I'm not letting you out of my sight! (Hope makes a squeaky excited noise and chews on a little teddy bear as she leans into Hayley's face, and Hayley laughs, clearly thrilled to have her there. After a moment, Elijah appears in the doorway and watches them silently for a moment before knocking on the door to get her attention. When Hayley sees him, she smiles, and he watches her as she stands to her feet) Elijah: You look perfect. (He hesitates for a moment) Hayley, I understand that this arrangement is important to your cause, and I will do nothing to dissuade you from it. I would be remiss if I didn't tell you, at least once... Hayley: (quietly cuts him off) Don't. Don't say it. You know, ever since the first day that I met you, I have felt everything for you. And all this time, you were never able to say how you feel about me. And I get it... you can't just be the guy who says how he feels. (She looks down at her engagement ring and wrings her hands nervously) But Jackson is. And I think that I can be happy with him. (Elijah looks at her with tears in his eyes, and silently starts to cry) And I just wanna be happy, Elijah. So, whatever you're going to say to me... (She shakes her head) Please don't say it. (Elijah looks devastated, but nods in understanding before leaving the room without another word. Hayley looks sad and guilty) (In another room, Jackson is getting ready for the ceremony. He's trying to tie his tie, but his hands are shaking nervously, and he frustratedly unknots the tie and sighs. Aiden, standing behind him, chuckles in amusement as he pours them drinks) Aiden: Need a hand with that? Jackson: (tosses the tie aside in annoyance) No. Aiden: Look, I'm sorry Oliver couldn't be here. Jackson: Yeah, me too. (He takes the drink Aiden offers him) Although, I'm sure he'd have a lot to say about me in this get-up in the vampire house! (They both laugh and drink) Aiden: So, you really think the wolves will be cool with the vampires? Jackson: (nods) And if not, screw 'em! I mean, we're done chasing old grudges! We got real enemies to worry about. (Aiden takes a huge gulp of his drink, looking nervous, and Jackson suddenly realizes what Aiden meant) This ain't about vamps in general, now, is it? Aiden: (embarrassed) Look, I know you know about me and Josh. (Jackson nods) And I'm not asking you for permission, okay? Jackson: Good! 'Cause I'm pretty sure we had the "love is love" talk when you were seventeen. Aiden: (rolls his eyes) Yeah. Jackson: (laughs) Hey, he's good enough for you? (He shrugs) Then it's good. Aiden: I just don't want him caught in the crossfire, you know? Jackson: (claps him on the shoulder) That won't be easy. But we got no chance of winning this fight without something to fight for. (Aiden nods, and Jackson claps him affectionately on the shoulder again. Hayley appears in the doorway, and when Aiden notices her, Jackson follows his gaze and turn to find Hayley smiling at him. He's taken away by the sight of her in her wedding dress) Jackson: (stunned) Wow. (Hayley laughs nervously) Aiden: (smiles) I think that's my cue. (Aiden leaves Hayley and Jackson alone in the room) Hayley: There's no rule about seeing each other before the ritual, is there? (Jackson smiles widely and shakes his head. Hayley notices Jackson's tie laying on the chair and gestures toward it before walking to pick it up) Jackson: (laughs nervously) Um, heh-heh... is everything okay? Hayley: (walks over to start tying his tie around his neck) Yeah! I was just getting a little nervous. (She smiles and chuckles) Wanted to see you, make sure you weren't wearing a flannel tux. (Jackson laughs nervously again and watches as she ties his tie and straightens his collar) Jackson: (whispers) Thank you. Um, I'm actually glad you're here; I got something for ya. (He walks over to the table and picks up a small wooden box. He opens it to show her a silver chain with a crescent moon pendant with a green stone in it) Um, the, uh... the stone is moss agate. You were born under a planting moon, so it's your mineral totem. It symbolizes healing and courage, and after everything that you've done for our pack, I'd say that's just about right. Hayley: I don't know what to say, Jackson. (Jackson takes out the necklace and walks around Hayley to fasten it around her neck) Jackson: You're wearing Rebekah's dress, getting married in Klaus' house. I figured you should have at least one thing that is just yours. (Hayley smiles, clearly touched by his words) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND - UNIFICATION CEREMONY ] (The guests, both vampires and werewolves, are all seated in the ballroom just before the ceremony is about to begin. Davina enters the room in a blue velvet dress and gets a program from a young girl. She looks around for a seat until Josh calls out to her) Josh: Davina! (Davina smiles at him and sits down next to him. A moment later, Aiden arrives. When he sees Josh and Davina sitting on his left, he walks over to them) Aiden: (to Davina) May I? (She kindly gets up so Aiden can sit next to Josh, and when he's seated, she sits next to Aiden. Aiden smiles at Josh and reaches for his hand, squeezing it tightly. Hayley slowly walks to the doorway to the ballroom and stands still for a moment as all the guests stand to greet her. She nods at various people when she sees them and waits for Jackson, who appears behind her a moment later. Hayley and Jackson clasp hands and smile at each other as they walk down the aisle. When they reach the two staircases, they split apart so they can each walk up the two staircases and meet on the balcony, where Mary is waiting for them to preside over the ceremony. An orchestra plays as they make their ascent, and they smile at each other from across the room until they make it to the altar) Mary: Please, be seated. (The guests all sit back in their chairs) We gather together as a community seeking peace, inspired by this couple standing before you. (Across the balcony on the other side of the courtyard, Klaus stands and watches the ceremony. Hayley catches his eye and smiles at him, but his face remains blank. Elijah joins him a moment later and stands at his side) There was a time when werewolves saw themselves not as cursed, but blessed with connection to our most pure selves. And tonight, we honor that blessing with the long-awaited unification of the two Crescent bloodlines. (Mary performs a hand-fasting by binding Hayley and Jackson's wrists with baby's breath flowers) In doing so, we choose to embrace Hayley's vampire nature. With this union, Hayley will share her unique gifts with her pack. (Mary places a long lit match into Hayley and Jackson's linked hands to light their ceremonial candle) And now, your vows. Jackson: (takes a deep breath) I pledge to honor you and defend you and yours above all others. Hayley: To share in blessings and burdens. To be your advocate, your champion. Jackson: To be your comfort, your sanctuary, and for as long as we both shall live. Hayley: To be your family. Jackson: To be your family. (They smile at each other and light their candle together. Elijah looks as though he's about to cry. Mary smiles at them) Mary: You two have endured all the traditional werewolf rituals and trials. There is only one remaining. Jackson, you may kiss your bride. (Jackson looks almost scared, but Hayley smiles at him encouragingly. He stares at her for a long moment before he cups her face in his hand and kisses her. Elijah looks away, and Klaus looks at him sympathetically and sighs. When Hayley and Jackson finally pull away, both of their eyes glow gold, indicating that the Unification Ceremony worked. They smile at each other happily and turn to look at the crowd. The guests all look at each other curiously. Josh and Davina are smiling, and when Aiden looks back to smile at Josh, his eyes glow gold as well. Everyone begins to smile and chatter, all thrilled that the ceremony has empowered their pack. Marcel and Gia look at each other, slightly nervous at this new development, but Klaus looks relieved) (Klaus walks out onto the balcony overlooking the courtyard, where the reception is being held. Elijah follows behind him and joins him, wagging his finger at him knowingly) Elijah: I know that look. I see it all too often. What are you planning? Klaus: I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. Elijah: Jackson marries the mother of your child, in our home, solidifying his rule over the wolves you yourself once sought to control. Talk to me. Klaus: Let Jackson have Hayley. Although, he isn't exactly fit to lead an army tasked with protecting my daughter. His reign will be short-lived. Elijah: Niklaus, you cannot honestly believe that I would allow you to harm Jackson on the day of Hayley's wedding... Klaus: (cuts him off) He's not one of us, Elijah! He's mortal. Mortals perish. (Klaus goes to walk away, but Elijah grabs him roughly by the arm and stops him) Elijah: What are you doing? Klaus: Confide in me, brother. How do you feel when you see Hayley look at him? Elijah: Niklaus, I'm warning you... Klaus: (interrupts him) Face the facts! You're even now forcing yourself to deny you want Jackson dad just as much as I do. In fact, I think you want it more. (Klaus smiles at him and walks away, leaving Elijah alone to think) [ FRENCH QUARTER / MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (A parade is being held in the streets in celebration of Hayley and Jackson's wedding. It is led by several police officers on motorcycles, followed by Hayley, who has a white lace parasol in her hand and is dancing with Jackson at her side. Behind them is a marching band playing a bright jazz tune, along with the rest of the wedding guests, who are dancing and having a great time in the streets. Klaus watches the parade march down the main street when Elijah once again joins him) Klaus: (annoyed) Are you to be my chaperon the entire evening, brother? Elijah: Chaperon, steward, babysitter... whichever term tickles your fancy most, brother. You're welcome to indulge whomever and whatever you please. I would only ask that you refrain from any homicidal behavior... Klaus: Just one day back, and you're already more than fulfilled your quota for irritating brotherly conduct. (He turns to leave, but Elijah follows him) Elijah: Let me make myself quite clear, Niklaus. So long as Jackson brings even an inkling of joy into Hayley's life, you are not to go near him. Klaus: It's amusing listening to you defend the man who married the woman you love. But then, you've always coveted that which is not yours to have. Elijah: Just listen to yourself! Fueled by your delusions of persecution! Think, Niklaus... if you kll Jackson, the wolves will descend into chaos. You're acting out of fear, terrified that Jackson might be a better father to Hope. Klaus: Do not bring the child into this. Elijah: Your child arrived here today, her security strengthened by those wolves that would defend her, and you would jeopardize that alliance? (He shakes his head) Niklaus, you yourself have mentioned that had you been raised by Ansel, you might have been a better man. Now, perhaps, a better man has entered Hope's life, and having seen that, you are shaken to your core. Klaus: (angry) You have the audacity to analyze me? That's ambitious, considering your psychological difficulties. How was your time with my therapist? (Elijah looks at him, clearly offended) Was it helpful? Because it was a great risk leaving you alone with her! These days, who knows what you might do? Elijah: (unamused) I have stood by you, and I have defended you for as long as I can recall. But, in the name of your daughter and her mother, I will not watch you commit this evil. (Klaus stares at him angrily, but says nothing) (Outside, the parade is still going on, and Davina and Josh are walking down the street together as they talk) Davina: You okay? Josh: Oh yeah, totally! My boyfriend and his buddies are super-wolves now... (They turn and look behind them as Aiden shows off his new powers by jumping onto a car parked on the street and then doing a back-flip off of it and back onto the street. Aiden laughs happily and wraps his arms around the necks of his werewolf friends) Josh: (smiles) It's gonna be awesome. Davina: (chuckles) Hey, at least your boyfriend showed up. Josh: Aw, come on! (He grabs her hand and spins her around. She laughs happily until she notices a familiar figure standing in the nearby alley. It's Kol, looking pale and strung-out as he leans against the wall of the building. When she realizes it's him, Davina looks worried) Davina: Is that...? (Josh shoves Davina toward him so she can check on him. When she approaches Kol, he laughs bitterly with tears in his eyes) Davina: Kol? What's wrong? Kol: (laughs again) Aren't you a sight? (Davina grabs Kol's hands, which are shaking, and looks even more concerned) Davina: Kol, you're ice cold. Kol: (squeezes her hands) Now, you listen to me, okay? Finn... he got a bit perturbed when we went to rescue Josh. And I... (Davina shakes her head in disbelief) I thought it was going to be okay, but... I'm running out of time. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Cami is in Hope's nursery, holding a slightly-fussy Hope in her arms as she looks out the window. She turns when she hears Klaus approaching behind her) Klaus: I heard her crying. Cami: Oh, she's probably just teething. Klaus: (walks closer to Cami) Thank you for taking care of her. Cami: (smiles) She's actually pretty low-maintenance. She's been smiling and looking all around. I think she likes it here. Feels like home. (She watches Klaus smile at Hope) You wanna hold her? (Klaus doesn't move, he just speechlessly stares at Hope. Cami licks her lips nervously) I know this all must be pretty overwhelming, but some advice I learned from developmental psych? Happy mom, happy dad... happy baby. (Klaus looks at Hope, who coos at him, and he smiles) (Downstairs, the reception is still going on in the courtyard. Some people are eating and drinking, others are dancing, but everyone is mingling together while caterers come around with hors d'oeuvres and trays of drinks. Hayley and Jackson are dancing together in the middle of the room when Aiden walks over to where Josh is standing off to the side) Josh: Look, I know that this won't be easy... (Once again, Aiden cuts him off before he can finish, but this time, he kisses him softly in front of everyone. They keep kissing for a long moment, and when they pull away, they smile at each other) (While Hayley and Jackson dance together, Hayley looks up to see white flower petals raining down on them, and Jackson smiles widely as he spins her around. Up on the balcony, Elijah watches them dance silently, looking slightly jealous. After a moment, Klaus comes down to the courtyard with Hope in his arms and gestures for the band to stop playing so he can make a speech) Klaus: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please? Hayley, if you would join me, I would like to propose a toast. (Hayley looks surprised, but she reluctantly joins Klaus at the front of the room and takes Hope into her arms) Klaus: I want to welcome you all. As you know, last spring, Hayley and I had a daughter. Due to tragic circumstance, she was lost. Now, she has returned home. Her name is Hope. (The guests gasp and begin to murmur amongst themselves about this revelation) She will live here among you, her pack. Her family. We implore you... protect our daughter. Teach her. Love her, as one of your own. (In the crowd, Jackson nods at Klaus in agreement. Klaus takes a glass of champagne from a nearby tray. Elijah continues to watch from the balcony, and Klaus smiles at him before continuing his toast) Jackson, I invite you and your bride to live here, uniting your proud and noble people in peace. Welcome to the family, mate. (Jackson nods at him again, and Klaus holds up his glass) To Jackson and Hayley! Various guests: Cheers! (Klaus holds his glass up to Elijah and smiles at him devilishly) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (In the Claire tomb, Kol is sitting in a chair while Davina and Rebekah go through all of their magical notes and texts to find a solution. Davina finds a passage in a book and places it on the table) Davina: Transubstantiation. We can combine it with a protection spell. Rebekah: Finn's spell blocks that. The body calls it, and then he dies. We need to jump him into a new one. Davina: (frustrated) We can't just pick another body at a farmer's market, we don't even have a spell for that! Kol: (pale and weak) Beks? Can you give me a moment alone with Davina? (Rebekah leaves, and Kol stands to his feet. Davina looks at him with tears in her eyes) Kol: I believe I owe you a dance. (He holds out his hand, and Davina takes it, trying not to cry) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Elijah is walking down the hall upstairs when Hayley approaches him from behind. Elijah, sensing her presence, stops, but doesn't turn around) Elijah: A lovely ceremony. Hayley: It was. Thank you for being there. Elijah: With the wolves unified, Hope is safe. Everything is exactly as you intended. (Hayley looks uncomfortable, and Elijah sighs) And, in the interest of maintaining the peace, I have decided to join Marcel in Algiers. I believe with the correct instruction and guidance, this community may well prosper. Hayley: (surprised) You're moving out? Elijah, this is your home. Elijah: (smiles sadly) In my long, long life, I've called many places home, Hayley. Hayley: I didn't know that Klaus would ask Jack and me to live here, but that... that doesn't mean that you have to leave. (Hayley and Elijah's conversation is interrupted by Rebekah, who rushes over to them) Rebekah: Elijah. (Elijah squints at her, not recognizing her new appearance right away) (In the nursery, Klaus is leaning over Hope's crib, watching her as she fidgets around. When he hears Elijah and Rebekah come into the room, he sighs in annoyance) Klaus: Must you intrude on every moment? Elijah: I'm not here to quarrel, brother. Rebekah: It's Kol. I couldn't help him. (Klaus turns to her with a shocked expression on his face) He's not gonna last the night. (Downstairs, Marcel and Gia are pouring champagne glasses for the guests when they notice Klaus, Elijah, and Rebekah march down the steps and rush out the door. Marcel glances over at Rebekah, and though he's not yet seen her new vessel, he seems to recognize her spirit anyway. He sets down the bottle of wine and moves to get a better look) Gia: (confused) Do you know that girl? Marcel: I think I might. [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Kol and Davina are slow-dancing outside of the Claire tomb to the sound of an old-fashioned song on the gramophone player. Both of their eyes are red and rimmed with tears as the cry into each others' shoulders. They pull away so Kol can look her in the eyes) Kol: I know that we're in a cemetery, and I happen to be terminal... (He laughs through his tears) ...but you've got to admit, the stars are lovely. Davina: (shakes her head tearfully) How can you joke right now? Kol: I'm not. We're under the same stars. It's some guy, and he's with his girl, and he thinks he's got all the time in the world, and he's right. (He laughs again, and Davina starts to cry as he leans his forehead against hers) And I hate him. (Suddenly, Kol doubles over in a coughing fit, and Davina looks panicked) Davina: (lifts his head) Are you okay? Kol: (smiles) Yeah. (Davina takes his hand in hers and kisses it) I think I want to be alone for this bit. (He continues to cough as he walks away from Davina and toward one of the tombs. However, he stops when he hears a voice behind him. He turns and finds Elijah, Klaus, and Rebekah standing in the aisle) Elijah: I'm afraid that's not an option. Klaus: "Always and forever" is not something that you just weasel out of, brother. (Kol stares at his siblings in surprise and manages a weak smile, which Klaus returns) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Jackson is standing on the terrace overlooking the French Quarter from Hayley's bedroom when Hayley comes in and joins him) Hayley: Everybody's headed home. (She smiles shyly) Now what? Jackson: Ahhh, wedding night. Awkward. (They both laugh nervously) Well, knowing you, I'm thinking you just wanna stay up all night watching Hope sleep. That sounds good to me. Hayley: (hesitates before walking toward him) Jack... when I told you that the wedding was the right thing to do for our pack, there's something else I should have told you. (Jackson looks nervous and braces himself) I should have told you that... when I first got to New Orleans, I was terrified, pregnant... for a long time, basically alone. And then, one night, a wolf appeared out of the woods, and I knew that I was safe. From the moment I saw you, I... I knew I could trust you. You never made me feel ashamed about being a hybrid, or questioned why I had to lie to you about Hope. Jackson: Well, I told you... I love you. I meant it. Hayley: (nods) Yeah... and that's the first time that anyone's said that to me. I want you to know that I didn't marry you for all those people. I married you for me. That's what I should have told you. (Jackson looks at her, so surprised by this confession that he quickly pulls her toward him and kisses her, and they continue kissing passionately on the balcony) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Davina, Rebekah, Klaus and Elijah have moved Kol into the tomb where Esther once imprisoned Elijah, which is surrounded by candles. Davina is sitting a few feet away, whispering a spell over a necklace that she's gripping tightly in her hands. There are lit candles scattered all over the room where Kol is laying on the floor, surrounded by his brothers and sister. Kol's nose and mouth are both bleeding and he groans in pain) Kol: (grips the lapel of Klaus' coat) All my life, all I ever wanted was for you lot to care about me. (Klaus struggles to hold back his tears, and before Kol can laugh, he's overcome by another coughing fit that startles Rebekah. She sits down on the ground, and she and Elijah rub Kol's back as he coughs before leaning him backward so she can cradle Kol's head in her lap. Kol grabs onto Rebekah's hand and squeezes it as he groans) Rebekah: (crying) Kol, listen to me. You don't have long. You're going to die. (Kol can no longer hold back his tears, and he grips her arm tighter) But you will die a witch, and we will consecrate your body. You will join the ancestors of the French Quarter, and those spirits can be brought back. And, I promise you, brother, I will not leave this body until I find a way to bring you home. (Kol smiles at her, despite his pain, but quickly begins to cough even harder. Davina finally finishes her spell and crawls toward Kol to give him the necklace) Davina: (frantic and in tears) I tried a different spell. Kol: (takes her hand and squeezes it) It's okay. I'm not scared. (Davina tries her best to smile at him through her tears, and Kol manages one last laugh before he dies in Rebekah's arms. Davina breaks down in sobs, and Elijah and Klaus begin crying freely as well over Kol's body) [ ARKANSAS MORGUE / MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Finn, finally healed completely, gingerly sits up on the autopsy table with Freya's help) Finn: (sighs in relief) What did you do? Freya: It took a while, but I healed you. Brought you back from death, using this. (She points to her blue pendant talisman in Finn's hands, which he examines) Finn: Your pendant. (He laughs in wonder) You said it would protect me. Freya: It's a talisman used to focus my power. I knew it would be dangerous to face Elijah. I didn't want you to be hurt. Finn: Just like when we were children. (He stands to his feet and groans slightly, visibly sore after his resurrection) I seem to recall you were always defending me. Freya: (takes his hand and squeezes it) You're my brother, Finn. I love you. And we'll need to protect each other. If Dahlia has sensed Klaus' child, she's already on her way. Finn: Niklaus used magic to cloak the baby from my mother. It's going to take a bit of time before Dahlia finds her... Freya: (cuts him off) You don't understand. Esther was nothing compared to Dahlia. I was taken when I was only five years old. I had just started to display a potential for magic. It is the magic that will draw Dahlia. It will serve as a beacon, calling her. (At the compound, Hayley holds Hope in her arms in the nursery and dotes on her while Jackson watches from the doorway) Freya: (V.O.): Dahlia will come, and she will take what's hers. (Hope burrows into Hayley's shoulder as Hayley looks over at Jackson and smiles) [ END ]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x14 - I Love You, Goodbye"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Mary: We gather together with the unification of the two crescent bloodlines. Hayley will share here unique gifts with her pack. Klaus: Let Jackson have Hayley. His reign will be short-lived. Klaus: Jackson, I invite you to live here. Welcome to the family. Elijah: Well, the wolves are unified, hope is safe, so in the interest of maintaining the peace, I have decided to join Marcel in Algiers. Rebekah. Rebekah: Freya. Freya: Tell our brothers I'll be coming to see them. Elijah: Gas has pervaded every single room in this home. Good-bye, brother. Freya: Helbred bransar, belaste herte, begin panet. Rebekah: I will not leave this body until I find a way to bring you back. Hayley: Have you told Marcel that you're you? Rebekah: I thought I'd hold off on that for the moment. [ NEW ORLEANS STREET / MIKAELSON COMPOUND / ELIJAH'S LOFT ] (Rebekah, still in her witch vessel, is wandering around a street bazaar full of witches selling various wares as she talks to her brothers via a three-way phone call. Klaus is standing on the balcony overlooking the courtyard, watching as four werewolves spar with each other, while Elijah is looking through his closet for a suit to wear for the day) Rebekah: Enough already with the family squabbling! Come on, Nik. Even you can see that the situation has become awkward. Klaus: There's nothing awkward about it! Hayley and Hope are belong in the compound where they are safe. As much as I would like Elijah's help to kll Finn, if his delicate sensibilities are offended by the presence of Hayley's new husband, then he's welcome to continue sulking across the river. Elijah: (annoyed) As I have explained to you repeatedly, brother, my presence here in Algiers is purely to assemble allies, and given all the enemies we have afoot in the form of wayward siblings and ancient, maniacal aunt Dahlias, I would think that you would applaud my efforts. Klaus: (mockingly) Well, if it's my applause you seek, you shouldn't have dashed off in a bloody huff! (Elijah, frustrated, gestures angrily with his arms, though Klaus obviously cannot see him from the French Quarter. Rebekah sighs and tries to get them back on track) Rebekah: Alright, can you two at least try and stay focused on what's best for Hope's safety? Elijah: I would like nothing more! Klaus: I am doing exactly that! Rebekah: (smiles patronizingly) See? You're on the same team. (A couple feet away, there is a male witch with a scruffy beard who frowns as he stares at her as she talks on the phone) Conflict resolved, crisis averted. (Rebekah hangs up the phone and returns to looking at items at the booth in front of her. After a moment, she notices the man continue to scowl and stare at her, and, realizing someone might have recognized her host body, starts to walk in the opposite direction. She turns around a corner and bumps into another man) Rebekah: (annoyed) Excuse you, too! (The man turns to face her and glares at her angrily, worrying Rebekah so much that she runs away, only to run into yet another male witch who seems to recognize her. Suddenly, everyone around her seems to know who she is, and though she tries to get away from them, she ultimately runs into a dad-end alley, where the first two witches easily catch up with her) Rebekah: (scared and angry) Are you two looking for something besides a smack in the jaw? Witch 1: You will die for what you've done. (Rebekah throws her hand out in front of her, trying to cast a pain infliction spell on the witches, but nothing happens. She desperately tries again, but it still doesn't work) Rebekah: (frustrated) Unh! Stupid bloody magic! (Witch 1 shakes a rattle, which makes Rebekah double over and clutch her head as she screams in agony) Rebekah: Unh! (The witch continues to shake his rattle, and Rebekah falls to her knees in pain. Out of nowhere, Marcel vamp-speeds into the alley and shoves each of the witches into opposite walls to disorient them. He then rushes over to Rebekah, whose nose is bleeding, and who is looking at him in shock. He holds his hand out to her to help her up) Marcel: There's more of them on the way, we should probably go. (Rebekah just gapes at him in shock, and Marcel becomes more anxious) Rebekah! Rebekah: (confused) How did you know? Marcel: (grabs Rebekah and holds onto her waist tightly) Can we talk about that later? We don't have all day. (Marcel vamp-speeds away with Rebekah in his arms before the witches can recover enough to retaliate) Season 2 Episode 15 They All Asked For You Original air date: March 9, 2015 [ ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL BELL TOWER ] (Finn and Freya are still hiding out in the bell tower of the Cathedral from their siblings. Freya comes up behind Finn as he looks anxiously out the window at the city below) Freya: Don't worry. I've made sure no one can come in here. Finn: I'm not worried. I'm just impatient for a reunion with the brothers that tried to kll me. (He walks toward Freya so he can talk face-to-face) Freya, now that I'm healed, I need power. Now, our father's still in the tomb where I left him. I think it's time that I go back and I channel him. (Finn walks toward the door, and Freya considers this for a moment before turning to call after him) Freya: Finn? (Finn turns to look at her) I need a moment alone with him first. (Finn doesn't seem pleased by this request) It's been a thousand years. He doesn't even know I'm still alive. Finn: Believe me, Freya, that is for the best! He's a monster. Freya: (approaches him) He wasn't a monster to me. Finn: Well, he changed after you were taken. Freya, I spent years hoping that he would go back to being himself, but he never did. And, from what I understand, over the centuries, he's grown far worse-- Freya: (interrupts) Just a few minutes, my sweet Muninn. (Finn sighs, unable to deny her what she wants) Finn: I suppose you'll want time with our mother as well. Freya: (coldly) Esther gave me away. She is nothing to me. Let her rot. (Finn looks at her, seemingly impressed) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus is discussing pack business with Hayley and Jackson in the upstairs lounge) Klaus: It's time to use our werewolf army. Finn and the woman who calls herself my sister are in this city. The wolves can help us pinpoint their location. Jackson: No, we need all hands on deck here with Hope. (Klaus' eyes widen in annoyance) Nik, you can compel humans to track your enemies. Klaus: Do my ears deceive me or did you just give me an order in my own home? Jackson: This ain't about your ego, Klaus! It's about what's best for that little girl. Klaus: (furious) How dare you question my intentions for my daughter! Hayley: (reluctantly) Jack, Klaus is right. Finn's body disappeared from the morgue, which means that he's either powerful enough to heal from that explsin, or Freya's powerful enough to save him. Either way, we're not finding them unless we send our best people out there. (Jackson sighs in frustration) Klaus: (patronizingly) I'm sure you and all your merry men will find them posthaste. Jackson: (stands to look Klaus in the eye) Just to be clear, I'm giving this order because Hayley is asking. (Klaus opens his mouth to speak, but Jackson cuts him off before he can say anything) Don't think for one second that I take orders from you. [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Marcel pours himself and Rebekah a drink at his bar. He looks down at his wristwatch before turning toward Rebekah, who is pacing around in front of the couch) Marcel: (annoyed) You haven't spoken a word for thirty minutes. (Rebekah remains silent. Marcel keeps staring at his watch) Thirty-one. (He sits down on a bar stool and stares at her) Fine. I'll answer for you: "Thank you for rescuing me, Marcel. It's so good of you to still care, even though no one told you I was back." Rebekah: (stares at him for a moment before speaking) I asked them not to. Marcel: (smiles bitterly) There she is. (He pauses for a moment) Why? Rebekah: It's complicated. Marcel: (sarcastically) You think? Rebekah: (exasperated) How did you find me anyway? (Marcel slams his drink on the bar and approaches her) Marcel: I knew you were you, I knew you were up to something, so I followed you, OK? And it's a good thing that I did! That market is bad news. The Treme witches are not friendly to outsiders. What were you doing there? Rebekah: I was looking for anything that could help boost my magic. I promised Kol I'd find a way to bring him back, and I can't do that as an amateur-hour witch! Marcel: (holds up a finger to silence her) Okay, you need to be more careful. Rebekah: I can take care of myself. Marcel: (mockingly) All evidence to the contrary. Rebekah: (offended) Don't be condescending just because you got to play hero for one tiny moment. Marcel: (smiles) One tiny, saved your life from certain death moment? (Before Rebekah can respond, Elijah rushes into the loft looking concerned) Elijah: (to Rebekah) Are you alright? (Rebekah walks over to him while Marcel pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance) Rebekah: Barely. They attackers knew me, Elijah. Not me me, but... (She gestures at her body) .. this, her, whoever she is. (She looks at Elijah anxiously) They want her dad. Elijah: (walks over toward Marcel) We will find them and show them why their anger is unwise. Marcel: You don't want to mess with that crowd, alright? We want answers, we need to ask Josephine LaRue. She serves as matriarch to the covens outside the Quarter. She'll know who wants Rebekah dad. Rebekah: How can you be sure? Marcel: She bankrolls Fauline Cottage. (Elijah looks at him in surprise) She'll know who you are and why you were locked up in there. Rebekah: And what if she wants to lock me right back up? I won't go back to that horrid place-- Elijah: (interrupts her) The two of you go and see what you can find about this body you now possess. I shall pay a visit to Josephine. (He cups Rebekah's face with his hand) A warning to you. You are not who you once were. This body is all too vulnerable. (Rebekah rolls her eyes in frustration as Elijah heads for the door. Marcel looks anxious as he calls out after him) Marcel: Elijah. Josephine is an eccentric old bat with no love for vampires. Your charms might not work as well as you think. Elijah: (smirks) My charms are quite adaptable, Marcellus, let me assure you. (Elijah smiles at him as he leaves the loft. Rebekah crosses her arms over her chest, clearly frustrated and unhappy with this arrangement. Marcel, looking overwhelmed, just sighs) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Finn and Freya are in the Lyonne tomb, where Mikael and Esther/Lenore's desiccated bodies are still laying where Finn left them. He covers up Esther's body with a white sheet before turning to Freya, looking concerned) Finn: Our brothers probably have spies all over the place looking for us-- Freya: (interrupts) I won't be long, Finn. I promise. Finn: (anxious) Freya, are you sure you want to do this? (Freya rolls her eyes good-naturedly) All right. This is not the man that you remember. Freya: (smiles weakly) He is still my father. (Finn nods in understanding and picks up Esther's shrouded body and leaves the tomb so Freya and Mikael can have privacy. She looks down at Mikael, and when Finn is gone, she takes out a Knfe from her coat pocket and cuts her left index fingertip with it as she starts to cast a spell) Freya: Sinn vaka augas hniga. (She smears the blood from her index finger onto the middle and ring fingertip of her right hand and swipes the blood across Mikael's lips) Sinn vaka augas hniga. (Suddenly, the blood begins to magically restore Mikael's skin from the mottled gray of desiccation to its natural pinkish-white, and he opens his eyes as he awakens with a gasp) [ ELIJAH'S LOFT ] (Gia is sitting on the couch of Elijah's new apartment in Algiers, where they are discussing Elijah's arranged meeting with the witch Josephine. Elijah paces around in front of the couch while they talk. Gia is putting her violin back in its case, and Elijah is looking through a file full of paper) Gia: Can't we just bring wine or coffee cake, bundt cake, any kind of cake? Elijah: From what I can gather, Miss LaRue was something of a musical prodigy in her youth. The way to her heart is with the music she loves the most... (He sets down several pieces of sheet music) Beethoven, "sonata number 9, opus 47." Gia: (unimpressed) How about I bring my laptop, speakers, add a drumbeat? Elijah: The promise of your performance is what has opened the door for us. If this fails, the life of someone I care for deeply will be in jeopardy, and that will displease me immensely. (He snaps his fingers and heads for the door) Shall we move, please? Gia: (confused) No. Why don't you make both our lives easier and just compel someone from the symphony? Elijah: (sighs) My darling Gia, you are an artist far more gifted than anyone from any local symphony. (Gia seems genuinely touched by this compliment) Unfortunately Miss LaRue despises vampires, so we need to show her that our community is comprised of a... A different breed... (He winks at her) .. with a new sophistication. Gia: (smiles) Sophisticated, huh? I suppose you want me in a dress? Elijah: (smirks) We should adapt to our audience, yes. Gia: And you... dark suit on the left side of your closet or... (She gasps mockingly) .. identical dark suit on the right? Elijah: (amused) I prefer the one in the middle, thank you so much. Gia: (stands and walks toward him with a smile) Man, if anyone needed a woman to mess his life up a bit... (Elijah frowns slightly, and Gia realizes what she just said. She scratches her head awkwardly) Right. Uh, your girl actually went and-- Elijah: (interjects) .. She did. Gia: .. married another... Elijah: (awkward) .. another guy. Gia: Um, look. For what it's worth, I thought Marcel and I had a thing... (Elijah seems surprised by this admission) .. but that didn't work out. (She takes a deep breath and shrugs) We might not be in the same boat, but it's the same ocean. (Gia gets up to leave, and Elijah turns to watch her go, clearly conflicted) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Jackson and Aiden are walking through the halls of the compound as they discuss their new assignment) Aiden: So what are we now... errand boys? Jackson: I told you Finn's powerful. If we're gonna find him, we need numbers, strength, and speed. Aiden: Wait, Jack. These new abilities of ours, people are already talking about what they can do individually, and they need to feel respected, not like cannon fodder. We're gonna lose good men... Jackson: (raises his voice) We're not gonna lose anybody if you stay alert! Hunt Finn down as a pack, catch him off-guard. The sooner we find this freak, the sooner we can all relax. (Aiden looks conflicted, but nods in agreement) And Aiden, I appreciate your concern but why don't you let me worry about the pack. (Jackson walks away, leaving Aiden alone in the hallway. Once he's gone, Klaus comes up behind him and approaches him) Klaus: It's surprising how little he values your input, especially since it was you who led the wolves during his self-imposed exile. Aiden: (turns to face him) What do you want, Klaus? Klaus: Merely to offer advice that may save the lives of the good men. My brother Finn is not entirely sane, but he is clever. If you approach him en masse, he will see you coming, and he will destroy you en masse. Instead, be strategic. Move quietly. I'll handle the rest. (Aiden looks at him, obviously confused by Klaus' seeming kindness. After a moment, Klaus walks away) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Marcel has just returned to his apartment with a box in his hand, where Rebekah has been waiting for him) Marcel: (holds up the box) Oh, nothing says manly like buying a matching tea set. (He starts opening the box to take out the tea set) The good news is this guy who's coming, he's dialed into witch business like you wouldn't believe. If anyone can tell us about you, it's him. (Marcel strips off his jacket and takes a seat on the couch) While we're waiting, how about that explanation? Rebekah: Fine. Yes, I asked my brothers not to tell you I was back. (She sits next to him on the couch) I didn't want to see you after all this time when I wasn't myself, not like this, and perhaps, I feared that I might be desperate to kiss you, which I clearly can't do whilst occupying someone else's lips. Marcel: (intrigued) Did you? Rebekah: (confused) Did I what? Marcel: (smirks) Want to kiss me? Rebekah: No! Marcel: (continues smirking) Are you sure about that? Rebekah: One hundred bloody percent. (Marcel stares at her in disbelief) Satisfied? (Before they can discuss this further, the man Marcel is expecting, Ruben, walks into the apartment with a satchel in his hands) Ruben: Am I interrupting? Marcel: No. You're right on time. (Marcel stands to greet him) Allow me to introduce Ruben Morris, local seer, sage, and prognosticator for hire. Rebekah: (stands) Thank you for coming. (Ruben stares at her for a long moment, as though he's unnerved, before he finally speaks) Ruben: Yeah. Charmed. (He turns to Marcel) Just a reminder, house calls cost double. Marcel: (pulls out a wad of bills and slaps it into his open hand) Mm-hmm. (Ruben pockets the money as Rebekah sits back down on the couch, looking nervous) Ruben: Hmm. Where'd you find her? Marcel: On the streets, memory wiped clean. Could be a hex or amnesia. I figured you'd have an idea of who she is or maybe a way to find out. (Ruben smiles weakly at takes another look at Rebekah before setting his bag down on the coffee table) Ruben: I've never seen her before, but... that doesn't mean we can't figure it out. (He turns to Marcel) You get what I asked you for? (Marcel points to the tea set on the bar, and Ruben goes to pick it up) Then my leaves will tell us everything we need to know. (He opens up his satchel, revealing several varieties of teas and herbs in jars and bottles) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Mikael has just awakened in the Lyonne tomb, and he struggles to stand to his feet. When he sees Freya standing before him, he looks at her angrily. Freya looks overwhelmed) Mikael: What devil are you? Freya: (smiles, near tears) Someone you once loved deeply, my father. (Mikael growls and vamp-speeds toward her, putting her in a choke-hold and slamming her against the wall) Mikael: I've no time for your riddles, witch! Freya: Do you not recognize me? Can you not see the daughter you thought died so long ago? Mikael: (furious) You lie! Freya: (shakes her head weakly) You named your sword Rahul, after the early morning sun. (Mikael, stunned and overwhelmed, slowly lets go of her neck) Its hilt was golden like the color of my hair. You said it would remind you of me while you were in battle, that I'd be by your side no matter how far afield you traveled. Mikael: (quietly) It can't be. Freya: The night before you left for wr, you christened that sword with goat's blood. When I awoke, you were gone. I never saw you again. Mikael: (near tears) It's been a thousand years. How is this possible? Freya: I was taken by Dahlia. I'll explain everything. (She takes his hands and kneels in front of him) Just say you believe me? (Mikael kneels down and takes her face in his hands. They're both crying and overwhelmed with emotion) Mikael: My beautiful Freya. My daughter. (They hug each other as they both begin to sob) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Jackson walks into Hayley's bedroom, where she has just put Hope down to sleep, and knocks gently on the door frame. He's holding a plate in his hand) Hayley: Shh. I just got her down. Jackson: (holds out the plate to her) Thought you might be hungry. Hayley: (smiles) Grilled cheese, huh? Hell of a chef! Jackson: (laughs) I don't like to brag. (Hayley smiles at him as she starts putting away Hope's toys and blankets) You know, I can help you with Hope, right? If you want to take a break sometime, I'm good with kids. Hayley: I missed six months of her life. I don't mind. (She smiles at him) Thanks! (Jackson smiles and turns to leave, but Hayley calls out to him to stop him) Hayley: Hey, Jack. You've been a million miles away lately. Jackson: Yeah, I'm fine. Just trying to get the wolves back into the Quarter. Hayley: Okay, I know what "busy" is, and I know what "trying to keep busy" is. I've barely seen you. Jackson: (looks guilty) I know. I just don't want you feel obligated to me, this marriage. Hayley: How many times do I have to tell you this isn't an obligation? (She suddenly realizes something, and clears her throat awkwardly) Are you talking about sex? Jackson: (looks down at the floor) Look... The unification ritual worked, but we still have to live as husband and wife. Hayley: This isn't something that we have to be shy about. Jackson: That's the start of our life together. Hayley: We're both adults. Let's just put on some Marvin Gaye and light some candles... (Jackson starts to laugh) .. and we'll just... (Their discussion is interrupted by Hope, who starts crying loudly) Hayley: (awkwardly) Or I could go and feed the baby. (Hayley gives Jackson a guilty and slightly disappointed smile before going into the nursery to check on Hope. Jackson sighs, also disappointed, and turns to leave) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Ruben is grinding up a tea mixture with a mortar and pestle in Marcel's apartment while Marcel and Rebekah sit across from him in preparation to find the past of Rebekah's vessel) Rebekah: Can't we just get to the part where you tell me who I am? Ruben: (pours hot water from the tea pot into the leaves in each cup) Heh. You want the leaves to talk, you got to sip the tea. (Rebekah looks at Marcel nervously, but he nods in encouragement) You, too, Marcel. This is your house. Spell won't work if you're not part of it. (Rebekah drinks the tea from her cup, and after a moment, Marcel does the same. Ruben picks up Rebekah's cup from the table and peers inside it to examine the leaves) Ruben: (sighs) The leaves say you were both with a dark side and fought against your nature. (He looks up at Rebekah) Looks like you lost. (He looks back at the leaves in the cup) Hmm. Rebekah: (nervous) What? Ruben: I heard of this before. Hmm... Rebekah: What is it? Ruben: Last year, a witch named Eva Sinclair was stealing children to channel their power. (As he talks, Rebekah's eyes start to flutter, and she begins to get woozy) That would be you. (Rebekah starts to hyperventilate when she realizes the tea was dosed with something) You're a mrder psychopath. (Rebekah clutches her chest as she gasps for breath, and Marcel reaches out his arm to steady her) Rebekah: (wheezes and stands on her feet) I can't... I can't breath! (Marcel stands up to help her as Ruben just stares at her, clearly pleased) Marcel: You're having a panic attck. (Rebekah is too weak to stay upright, and when she leans down against the coffee table, it collapses under her, causing the tea pot and cups to fall to the floor. Marcel stumbles as well, and he realizes that he's been slipped something in his tea as well) Marcel: Hey! (He gets dizzy and doubles over) Oh! Oh! (He staggers toward Ruben) She is not who you think she is! (Rebekah is laying flat on the floor, and she sees a glass vial of red liquid, along with a burlap pouch of herbs, on the floor in front of her. She reaches out to grab it while she struggles to come up with a plan to save herself and Marcel) Ruben: She is! Marcel Gerard, I expected you to keep a better company of people! (Before Marcel can fight back, Ruben holds out his hand and telekinetically chokes Marcel before snapping his neck with his magic. Marcel's unconscious body falls to the floor as Rebekah gasps for breath and tries her best to get onto her feet) Ruben: (turns to Rebekah) No one could prove it was you, Eva. They never found those kids... (Rebekah tries to crawl backward as he walks toward her, but she's too weak) .. and those of us with kids of our own, we'd go to bed at night, not sleep a wink knowing that you were out there. There was no way I was gonna let you out into the world. Not if my son could be next. (Rebekah collapses flat onto the floor and her eyes flutter as she starts to fade out of consciousness) [ LARUE MANSION ] (Elijah and Gia arrive to Josephine's home; Elijah is in his usual suit, while Gia is wearing a purple dress and carrying her violin. They're let in by a butler, who leads them inside, where Josephine, an older, dark-haired woman, is seated in the living room. The scene cuts to Gia, who is playing Beethoven's Sonata No. 9 while Elijah and Josephine sit and listen. Once Gia is finished, she puts down her violin and looks at Josephine nervously) Josephine: You are as calculating as I've heard, Mr. Mikaelson, having your companion play the very piece I once performed to great acclaim. (Gia looks at Elijah, obviously uncomfortable) Elijah: Is it not also a piece that you enjoy? Josephine: It's best not to insult those more powerful than you, which is the only reason I allowed you into my home. Now, if you will excuse me, I have many things to do. Elijah: (smiles) My goodness. I had expected a more cordial welcome here. Josephine: And why would I be cordial to you? (Elijah looks as though he wants to say something, but he remains silent) Since your family has returned to this city, our Elders have been mrder, promising young witches have been inhabited against their will. Elijah: And I can put an end to all of it. Josephine: With all due respect, I can believe that as much as I believe I will play my violin again someday... (She looks down at her hands, which are shaking and extremely swollen. Her fingers and joints are stiff, disfigured and painful-looking. Elijah looks guilty and discouraged, while Gia looks shocked) .. because, Mr. Mikaelson, beneath your formal attire, and behind the lovely Beethoven, (She nods her head to Gia) .. you are all the same. Liars, monsters wearing the skins of humans. Good day to you both. (Elijah looks at her unhappily. Gia looks offended) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Rebekah is desperately crawling across the floor toward Marcel's bookshelf while Ruben continues to slowly walk toward her. She's clearly weak, and struggles to get away) Ruben: Jimson weed is nasty stuff. Been klling people since the Middle Ages. Those hallucinations, they're gonna get worse. Then the pain will start. (Rebekah tries to pull herself up off the floor by holding onto one of the shelves on the bookshelf) Rebekah: (gasping for air) Something... You need to know about me. Ruben: And what could you tell me I don't already know, Eva Sinclair? Rebekah: (stands to her feet) My name is Rebekah Mikaelson, and I know the antidote to jimson weed. (Rebekah grabs a small sculpture of a fleur-de-lis and uses it to backhand Ruben in the face. The base of the sculpture makes contact with his temple and knocks him out as he falls to the floor) [ LARUE MANSION ] (Elijah and Gia are still at Josephine's home, trying to convince her to listen to their pitch) Elijah: Ms. LaRue, we needn't be unpleasant! Josephine: I hold no animosity, nor do I want to do you any favors. I simply want you to leave my home. Gia: (frustrated) Screw her, Elijah. I don't see a frigging crown on her head. Josephine: (calmly) I beg your pardon? Gia: You're not the Queen of the Witches. You don't speak for all of them. (She sighs) You know, I can't believe I dressed up and learned how to play Beethoven. I hate Beethoven. Josephine: (amused) And what do you like, young lady? If not for Beethoven, then what? (Gia clears her throat and picks up her violin before she begins to play a more upbeat piece than the sonata earlier. Elijah smiles as Gia plays, and Josephine seems surprised by her talent. When she's finished, Gia puts down the violin and looks at her. Josephine smiles widely) Josephine: Eddie South. That makes you a true jazz girl! Gia: (incredulous) You know Eddie South? Josephine: At one time, I nearly eloped with a jazz musician. (She frowns at the memory) Um, my mother learned of my plans and, uh... (She looks down at her swollen, arthritic hands) .. she wasn't pleased. (Gia looks at her sympathetically) Your candor is refreshing. I find most vampires more calculating... (She turns to Elijah) No offense. Elijah: (smiles) None taken! I also, on occasion, admire her candor. Gia: (smirks) He has great taste. (Josephine laughs at her joke, but Gia's expression turns serious) He's also a man you can trust, and I say that as someone who doesn't trust easily... (She looks at Elijah, who stares at her) .. or at all, really. Josephine: I suppose I should just hear you out, Mr. Mikaelson. (Elijah looks at her, clearly surprised) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Klaus has arrived to the cemetery, which has become dark and foggy as the day has gone by. He's walking through the aisles of tombs when his phone buzzes in his pocket. When he pulls it out, he sees it's Elijah and ignores the call before pocketing it again) Klaus: (shouts) Finn! (He continues walking through the cemetery to look for his brother) I know you're here! The wolves tell me you've been quite active robbing graves and violating corpses! Sounds like you. (Klaus turns around to see if Finn is lurking out of sight) Why don't you just come out so we can finish this? (The camera angle turns, revealing that Finn is standing at the end of the aisle behind Klaus) Finn: Hello, Niklaus. (Finn starts to walk toward Klaus, who does the same) Klaus: Such a pedestrian greeting. How unfortunate those are to be your last words. Finn: (incredulous) Your hubris truly knows no bounds! You attck a witch in the very place the Ancestors call home! (He wags his finger at Klaus and clicks his tongue) Tsk, tsk, tsk. Klaus: You're a fool if you think the Ancestors give a damn about you. Finn: (holds up his hands) They may not care for me, brother, but they hate you. (Finn uses pyrokinesis to sh*t a humongous stream of flames toward Klaus. When the flames and smoke clear, however, Klaus has already vanished, having vamp-sped on the roof of one of the nearby crypts before he could be harmed) Klaus: You lost a step, brother, but then being blown to pieces will do that, I suppose. (Klaus lunges toward him, so Finn uses telekinesis to throw a piece of wrought-iron fence toward Klaus. The pikes of the fence embed themselves in Klaus' chest, but aside from some discomfort and a small amount of blood coming from Klaus' mouth, it does little to anything to hurt him; all Finn can do is use his power to keep the fence pinned in place so Klaus has to struggle to remove it) Finn: Finished so soon, my indestructible brother? Father was right about you. You're nothing but a pathetic disappointment. Klaus: (angry) You judge me, you who cursed Kol to death? (Finn looks slightly bothered by this reminder) But you didn't stop there, did you? No. As an encore, you sought the death of an innocent child. (Klaus finally manages to overcome Finn's telekinesis, despite his best efforts, and pulls the fence out of his chest. He then breaks off one of the pikes to use as a wapon) Klaus: Unh! My child! (Klaus throws the pike at Finn, and it lodges itself in his abdomen. Finn groans in pain, and Klaus vamp-speeds over to him and twists the pike in his stomach, pinning him against the wall of one of the tombs) Klaus: For what you would have done to Hope, I'm going to enjoy making you suffer. (Klaus pushes the pike up so that it causes even more internal damage, but he's choking Finn so hard he can barely even moan from pain) Finn: Ahh! (Klaus yanks out the pike from Finn's abdomen, and Finn falls weakly to the ground. Klaus holds up the pike and is about to sab him with it again when Elijah finally arrives and pulls Klaus off of him and shoves him into the tomb behind him) Elijah: (out of breath) You didn't answer my call. Klaus: Well, I was a little bit busy. (Elijah looks over at Finn, who is bleeding out on the ground a couple feet away) Elijah: I need him alive. Klaus: I've no time for your soft-hearted sympathies. (He tugs his arm out of Elijah's grasp, but Elijah plants himself between Klaus and Finn so he can't go after him) Stand aside. (Elijah refuses to move, and Klaus gapes at him in disbelief) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Ruben is still laying unconscious on the floor of the loft when Marcel awakens from healing his snapped neck. When he looks around, he finds Rebekah digging through Ruben's satchel of tea and herbs) Marcel (groaning): Ugh. Mmm. Whew. Rebekah: About bloody time you woke. (She continues searching through the satchel) I was starting to get bored. Marcel: (confused and dizzy) How did you...? Rebekah: Sertave beans and mizule counteract the effects of the poison. Seems all my mother's prattling about witch concoctions wasn't such a waste. (Marcel still looks pretty out of it as he groans and rubs his aching head. He notices Ruben laying on the floor and vamps-out as he rushes toward him to finish him off, but Rebekah stops him) Rebekah: Marcel, don't. He's just a father trying to protect his child. He doesn't deserve to die for it. I was only a parent for a few months, but I felt that same instinct. Marcel: (hesitates for a moment) The whole time you were gone... I thought you just up and left without looking back, and then I find out you were the one protecting Hope. I had to smile. Everything you ever wanted, and you got it. As much as I really wished you were here, I was truly happy for you. Rebekah: And as much as I wished you'd left with me, I was happy and relieved really to hear that you and Nik had made your peace here. Whatever my brother's faults, he's always been moved by acts of loyalty, as have I. (Marcel looks uncomfortable and turns to walk away, but Rebekah grabs him by the hand) Rebekah: Marcel... Thank you... for bothering to give a damn about an old flame. (Marcel considers this for a moment before smiling at her) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Elijah and Klaus are still bickering while Finn lays bleeding on the ground, coughing and sputtering up more blood as time goes on) Klaus: Let him die, Elijah! Elijah: The witches want that body returned unharmed. Klaus: (angry) And what else do they want? A parade? Free broomsticks for all? Elijah: This alliance could be greatly beneficial to us all. Klaus: (interrupts him) Yes? Well, currying some witch's favor does not concern me. (Suddenly, Freya appears next to them) Freya: It should. (She stops when she's joined them, and she smiles) Witch allies can prove valuable. (She walks over to where Finn is laying as Elijah and Klaus gape in confusion) Finn: Freya... Freya, help me. Freya: (kneels next to him) Don't worry, brother. I won't let them hurt you. (She uses her fingers to lift the blue pendant on her talisman toward him as she starts to cast a spell) Yovara vimuna virael. (As she chants, her pendant starts to glow bright blue, and Finn suddenly starts to scream in agony as his body is healed) Yovara vimuna virael. (Once the spell is done, Vincent/Finn sits up in shock and stares up at the three Mikaelsons in horror) Vincent: (scared) Who are you? (Klaus looks at Freya in confusion and curiosity as she holds out two fingers and makes a sweeping motion over Vincent's face) Freya: Sleep. (As she speaks, Vincent suddenly falls unconscious onto the ground. Elijah and Klaus gape at her in shock) Klaus: What did you do to him? Freya: holds up her pendant)[/i] Finn is now safe from harm, and his hatred of you can no longer do damage to our cause. Elijah: (suspicious) Our cause? Freya: Yes. Ours. And now, if you two can stop arguing long enough, perhaps you'll allow your older sister to offer you a deal. Klaus: What could you possibly offer us besides fairy tales and lies? Freya: Whatever you may think of me, brother, know this... When I speak to you, it is the truth. If you have any doubts, remember that it was I who rescued Rebekah from the Fauline Cottage. Elijah: And was it not also you who led Finn on his vile mission to take Hope's life? Freya: The thrat to hope came from Finn, not me. (She looks down at the ground, clearly upset by the thought) The brother I knew would never have stooped to thrat a child. Our mother destroyed him like she did me, (She turns to Klaus) .. you, everything she touched. Klaus: (appalled) Do not speak as though we are familiars. We know nothing of you. (Freya holds up each of her hands so that they are facing Klaus and Elijah's faces, and they both receive a vision/memory of Freya being taken by Dahlia, as first seen in Wheel Inside the Wheel) [ FLASHBACK - KINGDOM OF NORWAY, 10TH CENTURY ] (Dahlia has just picked up the young Freya and is leaving with her as Esther and young Finn both cry in despair. Freya is hysterical and screaming) Esther: I cannot give up my child! No, Dahlia, please! Freya: (shrieks) Mommy! Mama! [ END FLASHBACK ] Freya: (ends the vision) Do you think me a liar? Klaus: That proves nothing but your ability to conjure illusions. Freya: Before you dismiss me, you should know this: if I've woken from my slumber, Dahlia has as well. Once she's sensed your child's magic, she will come for her, and she has the power to kll anyone who stands in her way unless we kll her first. Klaus: That's quite convenient, isn't it? You show up in the nick of time to help us kll the woman with whom you've spent a thousand years! Freya: (frustrated and angry) You have no idea what it took to escape her or what I lost in the trying. Her punishment will be profound. Elijah: (sympathetically) And you know how to stop her? Freya: Given the proper materials, yes. I've sent Father to procure them. Klaus: (furious) You put the life of my child in the hands of Mikael? (He angrily storms off, but when Elijah calls his name, he stops walking) Elijah: Niklaus. This woman has knowledge of the thrat we now face and is willing to share that information. Klaus: Well, you'll excuse me, Elijah, if I'm not inclined to trust the mysterious sister we only just met, but by all means, if you wish to entertain this idiocy, have at it. (Klaus vamp-speeds away before Elijah can argue any further, leaving him alone in the cemetery with Freya and the unconscious Vincent) Freya: Thank you. (She smiles at him shyly) Your kindness is much appreciated. Elijah: I may be willing to accept your identity, Freya. Doesn't mean I trust you. Freya: Then I will look forward to earning that trust. (She turns and leaves the cemetery) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Hayley is in the nursery, where she is holding a shrieking Hope and desperately trying to soothe her by rocking her, to no avail) Hayley: Shh. It's okay, I'm here. (Hope continues screaming and crying) Oh, please stop crying. You're giving me a complex. (Jackson, having heard Hope's cries, enters the nursery to check on them. Hayley notices him in the doorway and sighs) Hayley: Is it possible that I am the worst mother on the planet? Jackson: (smiles and walks over to take the baby in his arms) You're a great mother. (He looks at Hope as he snuggles her against his chest) Come here. Come here. (Hope continues to cry, and Hayley rubs her forehead as though she has a headache as she turns and watches Jackson hold her) Jackson: (to Hope) Shh. (He turns to Hayley) Aiden's back. We lost Jerick. Hayley: (stunned) What? Jackson: (saddened) Mikael got him. Hayley: (clutches her heart in shock) Jack, I am so sorry. Jackson: (rubs Hope's back soothingly) Thing is, we could have lost a whole lot more, but Aiden played it right, kept them scattered instead of grouped. Smart move. Hayley: Well, he learned from you. Jackson: Did he? It's not what I told him to do. My way would have all been a slaughter. (After a moment, Hayley realizes that Hope has stopped crying, and seems both impressed by Jackson and relieved at the silence) Hayley: (surprised) She's quiet! Jackson: (smiles) Told you. I'm good with kids. (Jackson gently puts Hope down in the new crib he made her while Hayley looks at him from the doorway. She walks toward him to watch as Hope stays asleep even after being put to bed. Jackson's hand brushes against Hayley's, and they stare at each other for a moment before they start to make out passionately. After a short moment, they remember that they're right in front of the baby, and pull each other into Hayley's room. Jackson lays Hayley down on the bed and they continue kissing until Hayley rolls them so that she's on top. She takes off her shirt as they begin to have sex) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Rebekah is reading the files that Elijah got from Josephine about Eva Sinclair when Marcel comes over and sits down next to her before handing her a glass of bourbon) Rebekah: (sighs) Ruben was right. It's all in here, every horrible thing Eva Sinclair has ever done. Marcel: Well, if you ask me, it's a good thing you took over her body. Anyone who does this kind of stuff to kids has it coming. Rebekah: Marcel, it doesn't matter what she's done. I've still appropriated her body without her consent. Marcel: I'm not going to argue with you, Rebekah. I'm just saying maybe it's a public service, but I get why it's complicated. (He smiles) I mean, it makes sense why you won't kiss me. Rebekah: It's why I wouldn't kiss you if I wanted to, (She lowers her voice to a whisper) .. which I don't. (She takes a drink of her bourbon, and Marcel chuckles) Marcel: (in disbelief) Mm-hmm. Rebekah: (smirks) I don't, Marcel. Marcel: (smiles) Keep telling yourself that. (He takes her empty glass and goes back to the bar. Once he's gone, she sighs loudly, clearly conflicted) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus has just returned home, and smiles as he dotes on Hope, who is awake in her crib in the nursery, but isn't crying like she was before. Hayley comes into the nursery, wearing her bathrobe, and joins him) Hayley: (whispers) You can thank Jackson for the quiet. (Klaus smile falls a little bit at this news. Hayley gestures for him to join her out in the hall, and he reluctantly leaves Hope to follow her) Klaus: You will be pleased to know that Finn is no longer a problem. However, there are other dangers on the horizon. My father is on the loose. I need you to use your pack to find him. Hayley: (frowns) No. We already lost one of ours today, a good man. I won't let any more wolves die, Klaus. Klaus: (frustrated) Mikael is a thrat to our child! Hayley: Mikael is a thrat to you. The pack will protect Hope if he comes, but I'm not going to let you use them just to settle your old scores! Klaus: (angry) Let me be as clear as possible: Your pack, your friends, your husband are a necessary means to keeping our daughter safe, but I am not running a charity hostel here. (Hayley glares at him) If they are not fighting on my side, then they will not remain alive to fight at all. (Klaus goes to storm off again, but Hayley shoves him backward to stop him) Hayley: You do what you need to do to keep her safe, Klaus. I'll do the same, but if you ever, ever use her to try to manipulate me again, it will be the last time that you see either of us. (Hayley angrily walks away from him, leaving Klaus looking furious out in the hallway) [ ELIJAH'S LOFT ] (Elijah and Gia have returned to his apartment, where Vincent is still unconscious and laying in one of Elijah's bedrooms with several vampires guarding him. Elijah and Gia are discussing their day in the living area) Gia: I take it you got your man? (Elijah takes off his coat and helps Gia take off hers as well before going to hang them up) Elijah: Vincent Griffith is alive and free of my brother Finn's influence. Once I've questioned him to my satisfaction, I shall release him once again to the witches. Gia: So, it all worked out! (She sits on the couch) And yet, I don't recall hearing, "Nice job, Gia. Really appreciate the help." Elijah: Yes. Forgive me. I was a little tied up, trying to prevent Niklaus from being... well... Niklaus, but, yes, nice job, Gia. Really appreciate the help. (He hands her a bottle of beer before sitting down next to her with his own bottle. Gia looks at him incredulously) Gia: (drinks her drink) You like beer? Elijah: I'm adapting to my audience. (He takes a drink of his own beer after examining the bottle for a moment) Gia: Hmm. (She pauses for a moment) You knew she'd like me. Elijah: (smiles) Once upon a time, Josephine was rather rebellious. This is a trait you seem to exhibit in spades. However, circumstances all but extinguished that quality in her. Had she known that you were coming, she never would have welcomed us into her home, (Gia looks impressed) .. nor would she have been swayed by your... What was it she called it? Gia: (smug) Candor! Elijah: Candor. Gia: (stares at him for a moment) Is everything always ten steps ahead of the game with you? Elijah: Well, often victory is allowing your opponent to believe that they are triumphant... 'til they're not. Gia: (smiles) Okay. Just remember who sealed the deal. Elijah: Credit where credit is due. (He holds out his beer in cheers to her, and they clink their bottles together) Gia: Mmm. (Elijah nervously tugs at his tie to loosen it) I told you you needed a woman to mess things up for you. (She starts loosening Elijah's tie with her fingers, and he looks surprised at the touch. The two stare at each other for a long moment as Gia stands up and faces him) Gia: You never told me if you like me in this dress. Elijah: (smiles) You're right, I didn't. Gia: Zipper's stuck. (She turns so her back is to him) Help me out of it? (They both look anxious as Elijah stands up and moves so he is right behind Gia, staring at her back for a moment before he unzips her dress. He hesitates before starting to pull the sleeves of the dress down, baring Gia's shoulders. He then pulls her toward him so he can start kissing her neck from behind. Gia exhales as Elijah continues pulling her dress off, and after a long moment, she turns so she can face him. Klaus begins to narrate in voiceover as they begin to hook up) [ CLOSING MONTAGE ] (Elijah and Gia continue making out before they begin to have sex) Klaus: (voiceover) In every moment, a choice exists. We can cling to the past or embrace the inevitability of change... (At the Mikaelson compound, Jackson and Hayley are laying in their bed with Hope laying on her back in between them) Klaus: (voiceover) .. and allow a brighter future to unfold for us. (In the bell tower of St. Louis' Cathedral, Freya has hung her talisman from a hook on the ceiling, and is smiling as she touches the pendant with her fingers) Klaus: (voiceover) Such an uncertain future may cause for even more uncertain allies. (At Marcel's loft, Rebekah has fallen asleep on Marcel's couch with her file strewn all around her. Marcel sees her sleeping and walks over to cover her with a blanket as he stares at her affectionately) Klaus: Either way, a new day is coming, whether we like it or not. The question is will you control it, or will it control you? [ BYWATER TAVERN ] (The scene cuts to the bar, revealing that Klaus' voiceover was actually him having a conversation with Aiden over drinks at the tavern) Klaus: You know, for centuries, werewolf Alphas have lived as kings of a frightened or cursed people, forced to change every month on the full moon, but now your pack is cured. You can change at will. (Aiden nods silently in agreement) You are at peace, and yet Jackson takes his leadership for granted. He doesn't see that we live in a new world, which is precisely why the wolves need a new leader, someone chosen by the wolves to guide them into a new future, someone like you. I can help you become the leader your pack deserves. Aiden: (smiles sarcastically) Yeah? And what's in it for you? Klaus: In return, I would only ask that you and your pack swear to protect my daughter. That is all I will ever ask of you because that is all that matters to me. (Aiden considers this for a moment) You can let me know when you're ready, but do bear in mind that time is forever ticking forward, which means that tomorrow... (He taps on the glass of Aiden's wristwatch) .. is already here. [ MARCEL'S LOFT / ACROSS THE RIVER ] (It's night time, and Rebekah is still sleeping on the couch at Marcel's apartment when her eyes suddenly snap open. The scene cuts to her walking through the same market from earlier in the episode. All of the salespeople are gone, and the only other people in the alley are a teenage boy and a teenage girl who are making out at the end of the street. Rebekah's holding herself differently, and her posture is hunched over as she walks with her hands in her pockets) Rebekah: (speaks with a low, raspy voice) You kids should know better. (The teenagers stop making out at look at her, scared and guilty for being caught) It's not safe to be out this late. You never know who you'll run into... (The teens are both unnerved, and the young boy stands in front of the girl protectively) Ghosts, goblins... Eva Sinclair. (The kids realize who she is and immediately gasp in terror as Eva pulls her hand out of her pocket, revealing that she is actually Eva, who has regained control of her body while Rebekah was sleeping. Eva has a Knfe in her hand, which she quickly uses to slit the throat of the young boy. The young girl screams in horror) Teenage girl: Aah! (The boy clutches his neck and gasps before he crumples to the ground and dies. The girl jumps down from where she was sitting to run over to him) Teenage girl: Sam! No! (Eva holds out her hand and casts a pain infliction spell to incapacitate her long enough to get her in a choke-hold) Eva: Don't be scared! I'm not gonna kll you... (She holds up her Knfe and puts the tip of the blade against the girl's forehead) Not until I have taken every little bit of your power. (She starts carving a sacrificial magic sigil into the girl's forehead. Suddenly, Eva flashes back to carving the symbol into the foreheads of numerous children and young adults in the past. Once she's done carving the sigil into the girl's forehead in the present day, she gasps in pleasure as she feels the power of the young witch's magic being channeled into her) [ END ]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x15 - They All Asked For You"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Rebekah: I'm Rebekah Mikaelson! Ruben: A witch named Eva Sinclair was stealing children to channel their power. Rebekah: It doesn't matter what she's done. I've still appropriated her body without her consent. Klaus: The wolves need a new leader. I can help you become the leader your pack deserves. Josephine: The Treme coven wants Vincent Griffith returned. (Chanting) Vincent: (scared) Who are you? Elijah: Vincent Griffith is alive and free from the influence of my brother Finn. Freya: If I have woken from my slumber, then Dahlia has, as well. Once she's sensed your child's magic, she will come for her. [ FLASHBACK: KINGDOM OF NORWAY - 977 A.D. / BELL TOWER OF ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL ] (Five-year-old Freya is sitting in the middle of the floor of Dahlia's cottage as she makes them some grains. She hums as she makes up a plate of food for her, testing part of it by scooping it up and tasting it before she brings it over to where Freya is seated with a smile) Dahlia: Eat, Freya, or you'll waste away! (Freya just looks up at her fearfully, but doesn't move. Frustrated, Dahlia kneels in front of her and grabs her arms to force her to pick up her plate, her voice much sharper and aggressive than before) Stubborn child! You need your strength so that I may teach you to use the power that runs strong in our bloodline! That will keep us warm in the cold, give us good health when others fall ill. (Freya whimpers, and Dahlia shakes her roughly in frustration) With that power, we will defeat our enemies. (Her demeanor becomes kinder again, and she smiles as she gently caresses Freya's face with her hands) We can stay young and beautiful. (Freya jerks away from her touch, clearly nervous, but Dahlia takes her hands in her own and squeezes them gently) You need not be afraid. Together, we will be the strongest witches this world has ever seen. Freya: (scared) I want my mama! Dahlia: (looks at her sympathetically) Your mother didn't want you. She gave you away. This is your home, now. I am your only family. (She cups Freya's chin with her hand) And there is no greater strength than family. (Young Freya looks at her with wide eyes and remains silent as a single tear runs down her cheek) [ END FLASHBACK ] (In the present day, Freya picks up a fancy card with the Mikaelson "M" embossed on the front from the table in the bell tower of St. Louis Cathedral. Inside the card, in perfect calligraphy, a note reads: "Join us for a family brunch. 11 A.M. Your brother, Klaus." As she re-reads the card, she smiles in excitement) Season 2 Episode 16 Save Mt Soul Original air date: March 16, 2015 [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Rebekah is sleeping fitfully on the couch at Marcel's apartment, looking distressed. In her dreams, she gets visions in short snippets of her vessel, Eva Sinclair, klling a teenager in the market in the Treme and channeling the power of another. After a moment, she awakens with a gasp, and seems disoriented until she gains her bearings. Once she realizes where she is, she becomes confused when she hears the sounds of angry yelling outside of the apartment. Rebekah gets up and moves toward the window to see what is going on when Marcel suddenly rushes downstairs and blocks her from getting any closer to the glass) Marcel: (alarmed) Stay away from the window! Rebekah: (confused) What's all that bloody racket? Marcel: (anxious) Just stay put! I'll handle it. Rebekah: (incredulous) Handle it? Handle what? (Marcel runs out the door to the outside of the building, where a sizable group of people have gn congregating around. Some of them are vampires who have made a barrier with their bodies to protect the entrance to the apartment, while others are witches, including Josephine LaRue, who are in various stages of anger) Man 1: We want Eva! Marcel: (furious) Whatever the problem is, if you don't back up, I guarantee you it's gonna get worse. Josephine: Marcel Gerard. Do you realize you're harboring a renegade witch? Marcel: I don't know what you're talking about. Josephine: Is that a fact? (Josephine nods toward someone behind him, and he turns to see that Rebekah has come outside to see what is going on) Man 2: There she is! Man 3: Yeah, there she is! (Marcel looks even more angry as he sh*t Josephine a glare. He turns and rushes over to Rebekah and tries to push her back toward the door) Marcel: (frustrated) I thought I told you to stay put. Rebekah: (oblivious) Well, I hate being told what to do, so I ignored you. (She pushes past him and walks toward the witches, who are looking at her with disgust and anger) Rebekah: (smiles) Beg pardon, love, but I think this is all a simple misunderstanding. Josephine: (unamused) No, this is retaliation for the evil you unleashed last night. (Rebekah looks unnerved and looks over at Marcel, who doesn't know what she's talking about, in confusion) Two of our children attcked unmercifully. One dad, the other missing. All signs lead to you, Eva. Marcel: (steps in between Josephine and Rebekah) Wait. Hold on. The witch that you knew as Eva Sinclair is gone, all right? Her body was taken over by Rebekah Mikaelson. Josephine: (smiles mockingly) Is that your version of an alibi? (Marcel stares at her, but remains silent. Josephine addresses two of the men behind her) Take her. (Suddenly, Elijah appears behind the group and speaks up as he walks toward Marcel and Rebekah) Elijah: That won't be necessary. (He pauses briefly) Ms. LaRue... It would be a great shame to soil the goodwill of our recent agreement. Now, I am sorry for your loss, but, Marcel is telling the truth. Rebekah now occupies the body of Eva Sinclair, and my sister is innocent of this crime. Now, you have my word, I will find whoever is responsible and make certain that justice is served. (He walks toward Josephine) But now, I would encourage you all to leave. Josephine: You have 'til tomorrow. After that, it won't matter what I say. Witches will stop at nothing to protect their children. That's an impulse I know you can respect. (Elijah stares at her in concern) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Elijah has just arrived to the compound, where he has joined Klaus, who is waiting for him in the dining room in anticipation for their family brunch) Klaus: There you are, finally. (Elijah strips off his coat and hangs it up before heading toward the table) Elijah: I was delayed. Klaus: (smiles) Our guest of honor will be here momentarily. Elijah: (bemused) Strange, our house is conspicuously absent of our lupine guests. I do hope it wasn't on my account. Klaus: (laughs) I sent Hayley and her poorly groomed husband off to spend the day with their werewolf brethren to test the limits of their new abilities. Leaving me to deal with family business as I see fit. Elijah: (suspicious) Niklaus, Rebekah's situation has taken a turn. We may need Freya's assistance. So, whatever you are planning here? Don't. Klaus: (rolls his eyes) All I'm planning is a simple chat with a long-lost relative. You yourself said to hear her out. Elijah: And you yourself said that would be idiocy. Klaus: (amused) Did I? (He feigns as though he's straining to remember) Well, it does sound like me. Regardless, on the off-chance Freya has some information that could protect my daughter, I'd prefer she share it on my terms. (He points toward his ear) Ah! I think I hear her now! (He turns to the door just as Freya walks into the dining room, smiling at her brothers) Sister! Well, come in! Come in! Make yourself comfortable. (Freya looks slightly nervous, but smiles warmly at them) [ ELIJAH'S LOFT ] (Vincent, now free of Finn's spirit, is in one of the bedrooms in Elijah's new apartment, where he is sitting on a bed, leaning his elbows against his knees and rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumbs as though he has a headache. After a moment, Marcel comes in with a newspaper to check on him) Marcel: Morning! How you feelin'? Vincent: (groans) Nauseous. Can't concentrate. (He sighs) I can't really do any magic, but I suppose that was the point, (He picks up something off the plate on the nightstand next to him) .. seeing as I can smell the lobilia flower you've been putting in my food, man. Marcel: (smiles) Can't be too careful with witches, hmm? Vincent: Hmm. That something you learned from experience, Marcel Gerard? Back when you controlled the Quarter witches with all your rules, and, uh... (He clicks his tongue and mimes as though he's slitting his throat with his finger) .. public executions? Marcel: (laughs) You know who I am. (He puts a chair in front of Vincent's bed and sits down in it) That's good, 'cause I got some questions that need answers, and you seem to know what happens to people who don't give me what I want. Vincent: (amused) Mmm. I know you ain't the king around here no more. And I know you can't keep me here! I'm from the Treme, Marcel. Witches from there, whew, they're a little bit of a harder breed than what it is you're used to. Yeah, they're gonna want me back. Marcel: (nods) Actually, they already do what you back. Yeah, a matter of fact, (He stands, pulls out his newspaper, and lays it down on the nightstand next to Vincent) .. they wanted you back for nine months. (Vincent's eyes grow wide in shock as he looks at the newspaper Marcel just placed next to him. Vincent looks at Marcel in disbelief, but Marcel just points at the paper) Marcel: Yeah, check the date! (Vincent picks up the newspaper to examine it while listening to Marcel explain) You might notice a little time gap. Vincent: (appalled and horrified) Man, what'd you do to me? Marcel: Oh, me? I can't make nine months vanish. No, your beef is with a guy named Finn. See, he took possession of your body, got into all kinds of trouble, too. Made some nasty enemies, I might add. Vincent: (extremely overwhelmed) Whoa! (Vincent holds up his hands, clearly struggling to believe what he's hearing, and keeps glancing from the newspaper to Marcel and back anxiously while he processes this revelation) Marcel: Look, I'll tell you all about it, but first, you gotta tell me about a Treme witch that you might know... Eva Sinclair. (At the sound of Eva's name, Vincent quickly turns his head to look at Marcel, and when he realizes he's being serious, he just shakes his head in exasperation) Marcel: (suspicious) Sore subject? Vincent: (smiles patronizingly) Mmhmm. (He grits his teeth in annoyance) I'm done talking. (Marcel glares at him angrily) [ CLAIRE TOMB ] (Rebekah has come to Kol's old "playhouse" to seek Davina's help regarding her vessel. Davina looks tired as she shuffles through various books and loose pages of spells and magical notes) Davina: (annoyed) Are you serious? I'm supposed to drop all of my work to help you figure out your nightmares? Rebekah: Look, they're more than dreams. I came here hoping you'd have some witchy to figure out what's wrong and help me fix it. (She looks at Davina, who seems tired and depressed, in concern) Though you don't look too good yourself. Have you gotten any sleep lately? Davina: (angry) No! (She gestures around at all of the magical books and supplies) I've been here studying all this stuff since Kol died, and I thought that you were going to help me bring him back like you promised! Rebekah: (guilty) Look, I can't help Kol if the witch he stuck me in ends up taking me over! There's something wrong. I think the rightful owner of this body is waking up inside me, and she's angry. (Davina sighs in frustration, but eventually warms up to Rebekah and gestures to the books in front of her again) Davina: (more kindly) These are Kol's spellbooks. I'm sure there's something in here that can help. (Rebekah, looking slightly reassured, smiles at Davina, who weakly smiles in return) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Freya, Klaus, and Elijah are making small talk in the dining room of the compound. Freya has a carved wooden artifact in her hands and is examining it carefully) Freya: This witch-hoop. It's Danish. Is this from when you lived all in Copenhagen in the 1500s? Klaus: Quite the eye! Elijah: (impatient) Forgive me. Are we here to discuss family heirlooms, or do we have more pressing concerns? Klaus: Please excuse my brother's lack of decorum, he's been in a foul mood of late. But, he is right. I did ask you here in the hopes that you would share some of Dahlia's secrets. So, without further ado, let's get to it! (The three of them take their seats at the table, which is full of breakfast food, and start their discussion) Freya: (clears her throat awkwardly) The first thing you should know is that Dahlia is the most powerful witch I've ever seen. She craves more power still. Right now she is like me, limited to one year of life in a century. But, she wants to be free of that restriction. To gain true immortality. And that is why she will come here, drawn by your daughter to take the child's power for herself. And she would kll anyone who would defy her. Elijah: And yet you would defy her? Freya: I don't have a choice. She will never let me be free. My one chance is to align with you and kll her. (Elijah looks troubled by this revelation, but Klaus doesn't seem convinced) Klaus: Well, now that we're all suitably motivated, let's talk specifics! Freya: (takes a deep breath) For you to understand, I need to start from the beginning. [ FLASHBACK: KINGDOM OF NORWAY - 977 A.D. ] (Present-day Freya narrates the flashback in voiceover as five-year-old Freya stands outside the cottage with Dahlia, who is creating a magic circle out of what looks like black sand or ash and using it to draw Runic symbols that resemble the alphabet runes "algiz," "kaunaz," "gebu," "teiwaz," and "laguz." Around them, Dahlia has set up tall torches whose flames are quite large and are arranged in the form of a pentagram) Freya: (V.O.) After taking me from my family, Dahlia used me to forge a new brand of connective magic, one that augmented my power even as it allowed her to draw from me. Dahlia: (to young Freya) Take my hand and begin your chants. Young Freya & Dahlia: Med dette seglet, cum soluta nobis saman. Med dette seglet, cum soluta nobis saman. Med dette seglet, cum soluta nobis saman. Med dette seglet, cum soluta nobis saman. (As they chant, the torches' flames flare brightly as they increase in size. Young Freya gasps in surprise and awe, while Dahlia's head rolls backward as she feels the surge in power from drawing on her. Once it's passed, Dahlia looks down at Freya, who is still holding her hands tightly and looking a her curiously. Dahlia smiles, obviously pleased by the outcome of the spell. She looks around and begins to hum for young Freya) Freya: (V.O.) Once we were bonded, Dahlia became unstoppable. (In flashback, Dahlia smiles as she proudly strokes Freya's cheek with her hand) She wasted no time proving her might. (The scene cuts to another part of the village, where Dahlia and young Freya are walking hand-in-hand through a snowy field. The bodies of at least a dozen people are scattered across the land) Freya: (V.O.) The chief of a nearby village thrat to run us off, accusing Dahlia of witchcraft. She decided to make an example out of the entire encampment... Men, women, children. [ END FLASHBACK ] [ PRESENT DAY: MIKAELSON COMPOUND / LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] Freya: She klled them all with a wave of her hand. That was my first inkling of the power Dahlia had. Over the course of a thousand years, she's only grown stronger. (She turns toward Klaus) And she will bring all her power to bear against you when she comes for your child. (Klaus looks terrified by this revelation. The story is interrupted when Elijah's phone rings. When Elijah sees that it's Rebekah, he immediately answers it) Elijah: (to Freya and Klaus) Excuse me. (He steps out into the hall and answers the call) Elijah: Rebekah, how are you feeling? (Rebekah has just left the Claire tomb and is walking through the cemetery as she talks to Elijah) Rebekah: (walking through the cemetery) As if I walked straight into a brick wall. Any luck with Freya? Elijah: (whispers) Luck is not the word that I would use. (He turns backward so he can look at Freya) You should be here. Rebekah: Fine. I'm on my way now. (Rebekah has just hung up the phone when she's suddenly overcome by a wave of pain as Eva fights to get control of her body again. Visions of Eva carving the sacrificial channeling sigil into the foreheads of various children and teenagers flash through her mind. She leans against a tomb's wall to get her bearings, and once it passes, she tries to leave again, only to double over from the force of the next pulse of resistance from Eva) Rebekah: Ahhh! (She doubles over again, so hard this time that she loses her balance, falls face-first onto the brick walkway, and knocks herself unconscious) [ THE BAYOU ] (Hayley walks out onto the porch of her old shack in the Bayou with a cup of coffee in hand and watches as the werewolves practice sparring in the nearby clearing. Jackson is fighting against Aiden, both of whom are learning to fight with their new abilities. Jackson manages to block Aiden before he elbows him in the face and laughs proudly) Jackson: Oh, ho ho ho! You're getting faster. Aiden: Or maybe you're just getting slower, huh? (They continue fighting. Aiden punches Jackson in the face, but Jackson quickly knees him in the stomach. In retaliation, Aiden elbows him in the side, and Jackson groans) Jackson: Unh! (Before Aiden can punch him in the face again, Jackson grabs him by the arm and throws him onto the ground and into a nearby puddle. When Aiden stands back on his feet, his clothes and hands are all covered in mud) Jackson: Keep your head up. Low center, guard your face. (Aiden angrily lunges for Jackson and roughly shoves him backwards and starts punching him in the face. To protect himself, Jackson grabs him in a headlock, but when Aiden can't immediately get out of it, his eyes start glowing gold as his fangs come out and he bites Jackson in the arm. Jackson lets go and yelps in pain. Hayley looks concerned as she watches from the porch) Jackson: Aah! Ow, ow, ow! What the hell? Aiden: (frustrated) You left yourself wide open. Jackson: It was your idea to come out here and spar. I'm doing this for you. Aiden: (rolls his eyes) Oh. For me? You're the one leading a pack of superwolves. How long before they decide that they don't want to take orders from you anymore, huh? (He walks over to Jackson and gets in his face) Because the only way you can stay Alpha is by always staying the strongest. (Jackson angrily shoves his way past him, clearly unhappy by this conversation. From the porch, Hayley seems confused and uncomfortable) Hayley: (shouts at them) You guys done? This macho stuff is cute and all, but don't make me come out there and kick both your asses. (Hayley walks back into the shack. Jackson laughs at her words, but once she's gone, his face becomes serious as he turns back to Aiden) Jackson: Look. If you got a problem with the way I lead, now's the time to speak up. Aiden: Klaus is acting like we're on his leash. You think the guys don't see that? Things are changing, Jackson. Our people aren't cursed anymore. We're strong. If any of them see you as vulnerable, then they're gonna challenge you for Alpha because that is what wolves do. Jackson: (angry) Are you putting yourself in that category? Aiden: I'm looking out for you. That's all. (Aiden shoves past Jackson and leaves. Once his gone, Jackson looks as though he's worried about the pack) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Freya, Klaus, and Elijah are still discussing Dahlia over brunch, though none of them are eating the large amount of food on the table) Klaus: (feigns kindness) Your stories are fascinating, and Dahlia does indeed sound dreadful, but Elijah and I have klled our fair share of evil witches. Freya: Not like her. Elijah: (sips his tea) What are her weaknesses? Freya: She's paranoid, obsessed with power. She hungers constantly for what's been denied her, be it love or revenge. Elijah: Yes. I think I'm familiar with the type. (He looks over at Klaus, who just smirks) Freya: When I was a child, she would tell me tales of her own youth, of being victimized by those stronger than her. Dahlia vowed never to be weak again. She bargained for the firstborn of Esther's bloodline, intending to raise us in her own image, forming a coven of her own from which she could draw endless power. That plan was foiled the day she learned that Esther had ended her bloodline by turning her children into vampires. (Freya looks at Klaus, who looks as though he has something to say, but Freya keeps talking) And so the burden fell to me. Dahlia demanded I bear the firstborn that would add to her power, but I would not allow a child of mine to live as I did, as a slve. (Her eyes fill with tears) So I vowed never to love, never to have a child of my own. (She starts to cry, and Elijah looks troubled) Of course, the more I resisted, the harder Dahlia fought to control me... [ FLASHBACK: KINGDOM OF NORWAY - LATE 10TH/EARLY 11TH CENTURY ] (Dahlia has set up another magic circle onto the floor of their cottage with salt, complete with more Runic alphabet symbols around the inside. She hums as she places various herbs inside the circle while the now-grown Freya watches fearfully. Present-day Freya narrates the flashback to Klaus and Elijah) Freya (V.O.): Until the day when she took the last of what little freedom I had left. (Dahlia makes a spiral in the earthen floor of the cottage inside the magic circle with her finger before waving her hands over it. After a moment, she gasps and her eyes roll back as she feels the spell successfully complete itself. Afterward, she stands to her feet holds out her hand toward Freya) Dahlia: (smiles) Take my hand. (Freya stays where she is and looks at Dahlia in fright as she shakes her head) Freya: (backs away from her) No. This is not right. You've already taken everything from me. I will not follow you into this madness. Dahlia: (smiles coldly) Don't be stupid. I'm offering you eternal life. We will sleep for a century and wake with a power unlike any that's ever been seen. It's what we wanted. Freya: (furious) IWhat you wanted. (Dahlia's smile falls as she begins to lose her patience, and Freya starts to cry) Please do not bind me with this curse. (Dahlia lowers her hand, looking saddened by this reaction, and for a moment, Freya looks as though Dahlia has relented. After a moment, though, Dahlia roughly grabs Freya's hands and pulls her into the circle despite her protests) Dahlia: Ungrateful child, you will thank me for this in one century or the next. (She begins to chant the spell) Magi somn et immortalis, binde oss. [ END FLASHBACK ] (In the present day, Freya is still crying as she continues her story) Freya: And so we slept, our magic accruing over time... (She flashes back to right after the spell was cast, where both Dahlia and Freya are each laying in their own bed, side by side) .. until we woke, filled with immense power and allowed to live a single year of life. That has been the existence I have suffered for the last 10 centuries. (Klaus begins to laugh fakely, and Freya sht him a glare) Klaus: Ha ha ha! Well... It's quite the ordeal, isn't it? But it does beg the question why not end it yourself? (Elijah shakes his head in disgust at Klaus' words and tries to stop him from talking, but he continues on) A high enough bridge, a tight enough noose. You must have considered it. Freya: (closes her eyes and sighs) Long ago, I did consider it, but Dahlia would never give me even that freedom. (Klaus is surprised by this answer) I would later learn the spell made me like her... Immortal and impervious to harm. (She laughs bitterly and wipes the tears from her face) So you see, I am like you, a creature of great power cursed for all time. [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Cami downs a glass of bourbon at the bar in Marcel's apartment as they discuss the Vincent situation) Marcel: Cami, if you don't want to do this... Cami: (pours herself another drink) Of course I don't want to do this. That guy practically tried to kll me. Marcel: Well, not this guy. Vincent Griffith is just another victim. Cami: Yes, but as of yesterday, he was Finn, Finn who lied to me, who used me, who tried to erase me from my own body, and now we're just gonna hang out. I mean, it's fine. I'll do it. I just need a drink first. (She takes a big gulp of the second glass of bourbon she poured for herself. Marcel stands up and walks over to the door to call out for one of the vampires standing guard outside) Marcel: Bring him in. (Two vampire guards bring Vincent inside, who jerks out of their grip and looks at Marcel in aggravation. Cami frowns and stands to greet him) Vincent: (annoyed) What is this, Marcel? You're dragging me from one dump to another without telling me what's going on, man. Marcel: (chuckles) Dump. Ouch. And here I thought a change in venue might brighten your mood. Maybe it's me, so how about I give you a chance to talk to my friend here?. (He points at Cami, who is standing with her arms crossed a couple feet away) You be nice, all right, or I won't. (He turns to Cami) I'll be right outside. (Marcel leaves with the vampire guards to give them some privacy. Once they're gone, Cami finally addresses him) Cami: Would you like to sit down? (Vincent looks around at the apartment and takes in his new environment, but doesn't say anything. Cami sighs awkwardly) Cami: Ok. I'm Cami. Vincent: Look. Whoever you are, you should know this isn't gonna work. I do not break, not for vampires and not for pretty-faced whatever you are. Cami: (smiles) Well, that's a relief. The last time we spoke, I got the feeling you were kind of obsessed with me. Vincent: (frowns) You knew the guy who did this to me? Cami: I'll tell you about it if you want. Vincent: (suspicious) And what's in it for you? Cami: A little exchange of information never hurt anyone. (Vincent rolls his eyes and laughs) Cami: Look. If you want to be the guy in the room who doesn't know where he was last week, that's fine, but if you want to know the truth from someone who had a front row seat, sit down. [ ABANDONED WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (Rebekah is laying face-down on the ground after passing out. Her phone, which she dropped on the ground before she fell, begins to ring, which finally causes Rebekah to wake up. Confused, she pushes herself into a seated position, but after a moment, she starts getting more flashes of Eva channeling children and groans in pain. She tries to get her bearings and finally answers the phone. It's Elijah, who is in the hallway near the courtyard of the compound) Rebekah: Elijah? Elijah: (annoyed and worried) I expected you hours ago. Rebekah: (anxious) Yes. Well, I seem to have lost track of time. Elijah: (alarmed) What's wrong? Where are you? Rebekah: (scared) That's just it. I don't know. (The camera pans outward, revealing that she is standing in the middle of a block of old, run-down, abandoned warehouses. It is completely deserted aside for Rebekah) [ THE BAYOU ] (Hayley and Jackson are practicing sparring together, and though Jackson is easily dodging and blocking her hits and kicks, she is still the better fighter due to her hybrid abilities. After a moment, she stops fighting and looks at him with concern as she frowns) Hayley: You still thinking about what Aiden said? Jackson: (sighs) He's just trying to help. Being Alpha's an honor, you know. It's one you have to earn every day. The pack is changing. (The two start to walk toward Jackson's trailer) You know, we're gonna face some challenges. I just want them to know that I'm here to lead for them, put them first. (Hayley and Jackson sit down on a table outside of the trailer, and Hayley picks up two glasses of water off of it, handing one of them to him) Hayley: (sighs) Look. The pack loves you, Jack. You just have to remind them of that. Buy them a round of beers, turn on that backwoods bayou charm. Worked on me. Jackson: What about our other problem? Hayley: Ahem. You mean, our evil landlord? Jackson: (sighs) Klaus acts like we're his personal army. I don't trust him. Hayley: I can handle Klaus. We're a team, right? You and I united the pack together. (She and Jackson stand up and face each other) Are things changing? Yes, but one of those changes is that we no longer have to go through this alone. (Hayley and Jackson entwine their fingers and hold their hands up. They smile at each other, and Jackson brushes a lock of hair behind Hayley's ear before leaning in to kiss her) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Rebekah has made it back to the compound, where Klaus and Elijah are anxiously listening to Rebekah update them one what has happened) Rebekah: It was this witch Eva. The nasty, little cow is inside me, trying to bust her way out. Elijah: (looks at Klaus) Freya is waiting downstairs. Perhaps... Klaus: (interrupts) Have you lost your mind? Tell me we're not considering opening our sister's head to someone we barely know. Rebekah: (frustrated) Nik, for God's sake, she is our sister. I've know it since she saved me from the fauline cottage. Klaus: An act no doubt meant to secure your trust, perhaps for this very moment, to strike when we are vulnerable. (Rebekah scowls at Klaus, but he shakes his head) No. We've no way to prove that anything she said today is true. Elijah: (sighs) Niklaus, I understand your concern. Both of us are powerless to help our sister. Now either we leave Rebekah to suffer, or we place our faith in the hands of someone I believe to be our blood. (Klaus looks appalled, but Elijah maintains his position) Right now, I'm inclined to give the benefit of the doubt to family. [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Vincent is sitting backwards in a small folding chair while he talks to Cami, who is sitting across from him on the couch) Vincent: I woke up last night. I didn't know where I was or how long I'd been there, let alone that I'd lost 9 months of my life. Marcel said the guy who possessed me, this Finn, he made a lot of enemies. (He looks at Cami pleadingly, obviously horrified) What'd he do? Cami: He... terrorized the city. He thrat and manipulated his enemies, tried to steal an innocent child, and excuted his brother. (Vincent looks overwhelmed by this response and rubs at his face with a sigh) Mr. Griffith, (Vincent says nothing, and Cami hesitates) Vincent, what you experienced was a violation of a profoundly personal nature, and whatever you're feeling, I am here to listen. Vincent: That's just it. What do I say? Am... am... am I... Am I supposed to feel bad for these people that I hurt, am I... am I supposed to feel guilty for this... (He stands up and angrily flips the chair he was sitting on before turning away, embarrassed at his outburst) For this man I klled? (Vincent looks ashamed as he picks the chair back up and sits down again, sighing deeply as he does so) I... I'm sorry. Cami: Hey. It's ok. You're gonna be ok. Vincent: (pinches the bridge of his noses anxiously) Did he... (He sighs)Did I hurt you? Cami: (hesitates) Listen to me. You didn't do anything, and whatever else may have happened, the only thing you can do now is move on. (Vincent leans forward with his head in his hands, but he eventually nods in agreement with what Cami has told him) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Elijah has just brought Freya to the upstairs living room, where Rebekah and Klaus are waiting for her. Freya immediately walks toward Rebekah to greet her) Freya: (smiles) Rebekah. (Rebekah stands up, and the two squeeze each other's hands) It's good to see you again. Rebekah: AAnd you, though I'd prefer better circumstances. (The two sit next to each other on the couch while Elijah stands off to the side. Klaus is sitting in the corner with a drink, he back turned to them, and obviously pouting due to being overruled by Elijah) Freya: You needn't worry. Elijah explained the problem, and I can help. Klaus: (mutters loudly) Rather confident, aren't we? (Freya turns to look at him, partly amused and partly confused, but when Klaus doesn't even acknowledge her, she just scoffs and turns back to Rebekah) Freya: The spirit of the host body is powerful, but I can cast a spell, (She brushes Rebekah's cheek with her hand) .. put you in a deep sleep, and then suppress this other essence. You'll be just fine. Rebekah: (nervous) Lovely. When do we start? Klaus: (groans) Oh, you've got to be kidding me. She spouts off some magical diagnosis, and we are all supposed to applaud. Rebekah: (annoyed) Nik, she's trying to help. Klaus: (walks toward them) Yes, but for the sake of keeping our options open, why not write down your spells and incantations? That way, we can have them double-checked by an impartial third party, say Davina. She'd love to prove me wrong. Freya: (offended) I doubt she would understand my magic, let alone have the power to execute it. Klaus: Oh. So you're our only hope then? Seems rather convenient, doesn't it? (Rebekah looks appalled at Klaus' attitude and rolls her eyes dramatically, and Freya is both hurt and betrayed) Freya: I knew it would be difficult to win your trust, Niklaus. Your reputation precedes you... (Klaus smiles mockingly at her as she stands and walks toward him) But if we are to face Dahlia together, you will have to trust me. Given the peril that Rebekah now faces, are you truly incapable of giving me even a chance to prove myself? (Klaus rolls his eyes and turns back toward the bar, so Freya addresses Elijah and Rebekah instead) Freya: I know I appear as an outsider, but I have dreamt of you all for a thousand years. (Rebekah and Elijah look at each other before turning back to Freya) Elijah, when you were in Esther's womb, she would ask me to sing to you. I would feel her belly as I did. (She laughs) Heh. How you would kick. She would say, "it was as if Thor himself had raised his hammer"... Elijah: (finishes her sentence) .. "And summoned thunder and lightning." (They smile at each other, and Elijah is visibly touched that she would remember this memory) Mother rarely mentioned you. When she did, she would say how enchanted you were by the prospect of my birth. Freya: How I wanted more brothers and a sister (She looks over at Rebekah, who smiles at her affectionately) more than anything, but between Esther and Dahlia, that wish was taken from me. I was ruined by those who raised me. If nothing else, at least we have that in common. (She looks over at Klaus, who continues scowling silently across the room, before turning back to Elijah) There is nothing that can replace what was taken from us, but I hope we can make something better in its place. All you have to do is trust me. (Before anyone can say anything, Klaus vamp-speeds over to her and breaks her neck. Rebekah tries to intervene, but she wasn't fast enough) Rebekah: (furious) Nik! Klaus: (smirks) Well, that's enough of that, don't you think? (He drops her body carelessly onto the ground, and Rebekah and Elijah both swarm around him, livid at what he has just done) Right. Now we can have a proper family meeting. (After the break, Freya is still laying lifelessly on the floor, where Rebekah is checking on her. She is furious as she looks over at Klaus, who is pacing along one side of the room while Elijah paces along the other) Rebekah: Who was that absolutely necessary? Klaus: Oh, please. She was insufferable. Elijah: (points at him angrily) That was ridiculous even for you. Klaus: You've only just met her. Let's not get sentimental. Besides, if she was telling the truth about being immortal, she'll awaken shortly. If she was lying, good riddance. Elijah: (sarcastically) Yes. Of course, of she wakes, she'll be willing to help us with unbridled enthusiasm. Klaus: (scoffs) She played you both for fools. Can you not see that? She spins a sad yarn about a small child taken by an evil witch, and you both fall over yourselves to mend what's broken! Rebekah: (annoyed) How can you be so certain? Klaus: Simple. It's exactly what I'd do. (Elijah rolls his eyes in annoyance and kneels down to check on Freya) My only question now is what's in it for her. Elijah: Well, whatever the truth may be, she's in no position to help us now. (Rebekah glares furiously at Klaus) Rebekah: Well, then we should try Marcel. Perhaps he's had luck on his end. (She turns to Klaus and sht him another glare) Surely he's put in a better effort. (Rebekah storms out of the room to leave for Marcel's apartment, and after a moment, Elijah follows after her. Klaus calls out after them) Klaus: (loudly) You know I'm right, Elijah. (Elijah stops and turns back to Klaus, fed up with his attitude) We can't have an alliance with someone we can't trust. Elijah: (unamused) You don't trust her, and that is your choice. I only hope that choice comes from a place of reason, not fear. (He turns to go to Marcel's loft, leaving Klaus alone in the living room with Freya's unconscious body) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Night has fallen, and Vincent is looking out of the windows of the apartment to watch the lit skyline of New Orleans and the nearby Mississippi River. After a moment, Cami brings him a drink and stands next to him) Cami: Leave it to Marcel to have the best view in the city. Vincent: Sometimes, I forget what a beautiful city it is, especially with all the ugliness that comes with it. (Vincent looks Cami in the eyes, and she senses he's holding back) Cami: Have you always lived here? Vincent: Mm-hmm. Born and raised in the Treme. Lived through its ups and downs. Then came the trouble with the vampires and some troubles that was even worse. I gave up on being a witch, walked away from my coven. I guess that's why I was easy prey for your friend Finn. Cami: (chuckles bitterly) Trust me, not my friend. (Vincent chuckles in return, and the two stare at each other for a long moment. Vincent hesitates before he speaks again) Vincent: Marcel was asking about Eva Sinclair. You need to tell him to get back in here. There's something he needs to know. [ BELL TOWER OF ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL ] (Freya is laying on the floor of the bell tower when she suddenly awakens with a gasp after her body finally heals her snapped neck. She looks confused as she looks around and tries to figure out where she is. When she sees Klaus sitting nearby, she remembers what happened and becomes angry and frustrated) Klaus: Ah! You're awake. Well, clearly, your restorative powers are not renowned for their speed. Freya: (furious) You dare lay your hands on me. Klaus: Well, immortality is a bold claim. I had to make sure you were telling the truth. Freya: (tries to catch her breath) Why did you bring me here? Klaus: I couldn't very well have you stay in my home. That honor is something I reserve for those I consider family. Freya: (upset) So you refuse me as your sister. Klaus: Well, you had a lovely audition. It just didn't seem to be the right fit. Freya: I think Elijah felt otherwise. Rebekah, too. Klaus: Yes, you did a fine job of convincing them with all your melodramatic tales. However, I suspect you were not entirely forthcoming. The truth is Elijah and Rebekah can be a bit naive when it comes to family relations. Case in point, their unending faith in me. I repay that loyalty by guarding them against treachery they cannot see, and I sense that you are treacherous indeed. You wish to worm your way into my family. I want to know why, so, sister, I'm going to give you one last chance to tell the full truth. I suggest you don't muck it up. (After the break, Freya and Klaus continue their discussion in the bell tower. Freya has lit dozens of candles around the room to give them light) Freya: You want to know why I hate Dahlia? (Klaus looks surprised and intrigued) It goes back to a man. His name was Mathias. We knew each other for one perfect year in the early 1400s. I loved him more than my own life, and Dahlia allowed me to love him. Klaus: Of course. She wanted you to bear her another firstborn. Freya: (near tears) I broke my vow and gave in to love, and that led to the darkest moment of my life, the day when I tried to steal from Dahlia that which she wanted most. Klaus: And what precisely was that? Freya: (starts to cry, and her voice breaks) My son. [ FLASHBACK: NORWAY, KALMAR UNION, EARLY 15TH CENTURY ] (Outside Dahlia's cottage, a very pregnant Freya is sobbing as Matthias, who is bleeding from his eyes and nose, starts to cough up blood and fall to his knees, much in the same way that Freya klled Cassie in Brotherhood of the Damned)' Freya (V.O.): Mathias only wanted our child to be born free. For that, Dahlia cursed him to death. (Freya, who is kneeling over Matthias' lifeless body and sobbing, looks up to see Dahlia nearby, frowning at her) Freya (V.O.): I knew I'd never be free of her, that my child would be born a slve. (Inside the cottage, Freya desperately searches through dozens of bottles of potions before finding one full of a red liquid and quickly drinks it) Freya (V.O.): To spare us both from the horrors of the life I'd known, I took a bottle of Dahlia's strongest poison. (Dahlia rushes into the cottage to find Freya has already ingested the poison, and she turns to face her aunt as she begins to sway on her feet) Dahlia: (betrayed) I gave you everything. You dare to take what is mine? Freya: (nods and whispers) Yes. (Freya falls to the floor, and before she dies, she smiles weakly from the belief that she was finally free) Freya (V.O.): I wanted to die, for only death could finally give me the release I longed for, but Dahlia knew that my death was never an option. That was the day I learned that I could never die. (Some time later, Freya awakens with a gasp in her bed in the cottage, and is both confused and upset when she realizes she is alive. Dahlia, who is sitting at her bedside, starts to check on her) Freya: (shocked) How can this be? How am I alive? Dahlia: (sighs in relief) The spell that sealed our magic sleep guards us from all forms of harm... (Freya stands to her feet and gapes at Dahlia in horror as she sighs dramatically) .. but the spell did not protect everyone. (Freya gasps and looks down at her stomach, which is no longer swollen from pregnancy. When she realizes that she lost the baby, she begins to break down in sobs) Freya: (hysterical) No. No! My baby. (Her knees give out, and she falls to her bed, where Dahlia takes Freya in her arms and begins soothingly running her fingers through Freya's hair) Dahlia: Mmm, mmm. There, there. There, there, my dear. (She lowers her voice to a whisper) I will forgive you for this eventually, but you can never forget there is no escape from me, not even death. [ END FLASHBACK ] (In the present day, Freya is tearing up again, and looking at Klaus angrily. Klaus looks almost as though he is sympathizing with her) Freya: It was Dahlia who made me do what I did. She turned me into a monster, and I will destroy her for it. Tell me, brother, is that the truth you wanted to hear? Klaus: (steels himself and forces down his emotions) Whether I believe you or not is no matter. You told that tale in order to garner my sympathy, (Freya just stares at him blankly, as though she knew he would react this way but is still exhausted by it) .. thinking the shared plight of a child in danger would bond us, but I will not be manipulated. Freya: (rolls her eyes and walks toward him) Whatever you choose, one final truth remains. Dahlia's coming for us. With me, you have a chance to defeat her. Without me, she will take your daughter and make her a slve. She will suffer as I had, never knowing her mother and father because Dahlia will have rendered you into ash. Klaus: Are you quite finished? If there is to be an alliance between us, it will be one of my design... And if you ever try to control me again, sister, you will spend the rest of your immortal life regretting it. Freya: (unimpressed) Then leave. I already have Rebekah and Elijah's trust, and I'm not going anywhere, but if I were you, brother, I'd rethink your alliances as you go forward. (Klaus sneers at her, but she isn't intimidated by him) [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Elijah and Rebekah have just arrived at Marcel's apartment, where Marcel and Vincent are waiting for them. Marcel greets them at the door while Vincent downs a glass of bourbon) Marcel: (to Elijah and Rebekah) I filled the guy in, but he's still a little freaked out about all this. Rebekah: Good. That makes us a perfect pair. (The three of them walk over to where Vincent is standing so they can talk to him. Rebekah wastes no time approaching him and introducing herself, and Vincent looks absolutely stunned to see her) Rebekah: Right. Well, I can tell from your face that you knew the previous occupant of this body. (She smiles at him) Rest assured, you're now speaking to Rebekah Mikaelson. So who are you? I mean, now that you're not my brother Finn. Vincent: (surprised) Vincent Griffith. I would say, "at your service," but, uh, that implies I had a choice in the matter. (Rebekah looks over at Elijah and grins, obviously liking Vincent more than Finn) Rebekah: (pleased) Ooh! He's witty. Wonderful. Now I hear you have some information for me. Vincent: (overwhelmed) Just give me a second. (He stares at Rebekah as he walks closer to her, which seems to pique Elijah's interest. After a moment, he laughs softly) When they put Eva in the fauline cottage, I never thought I'd see her again. Elijah: (confused) How exactly is it that you knew Miss Sinclair? Vincent: (stares at Rebekah in shock) She was my wife. Rebekah: (surprised) Well, that is bloody fantastic, isn't it? [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus is sullenly standing at the bar in the courtyard, where he's pouring himself a drink. Hayley sees him from the balcony above and goes down the stairs so she can talk to him, not immediately noticing his foul mood) Hayley: We need to talk. [Sighs] Klaus: (rolls his eyes and takes a large drink of bourbon before sighing) Do we indeed? Have you come to express your gratitude at the courtesy I've shown your husband, or perhaps you want to thank me for my efforts to protect you and your pack. Hayley: All this tension with you, Jack, and the wolves, we need to put it behind us. Give Jack the space he needs to run the pack as he sees fit. No more orders, no more favors. He's Alpha period. Klaus: (laughs mockingly) Heh heh heh. I'm sorry. Did you really think I would ever agree to let Jackson control the wolves? Hayley: (loses her temper) You will show him respect, Klaus. He is on our side, and he's fighting for our daughter. Klaus: You know, I've spent all day with people who claim to be fighting for our daughter. Some I trust, some I do not, but one thing is for sure, that there is only one person that I trust when it comes to my child's safety, and that would be me! (Hayley glares at him as he storms away, but he turns back to continue arguing) Klaus: You know, you all seem to think this is a democracy. I assure you it is not! If Dahlia is coming, then she is a thrat to my child, which means I decide how to protect her, no one else! And if Jackson or anyone strays from the course that I set, then they will answer to me. Now your husband would do well to remember that. In fact, I think I'll leave it to you to remind him. That way, when he does inevitably incur my wrath again, you'll only have yourself to blame. (Klaus once again storms out of the courtyard, leaving an incredibly livid Hayley behind to consider her options) [ ROUSSEAU'S ] (Cami is drinking drinking her usual sazerac at the bar of the restaurant when Vincent appears and sits next to her before grabbing a bottle of liquor from behind the bar) Vincent: (smiles) After today, I could use a drink. Cami: (smiles back and grabs him a glass) I see Marcel let you out. Vincent: Yeah. He's got a sense of reciprocity for a vampire. (Cami laughs at his joke) I told him what I knew, but if Eva's coming back here, I don't want anything to do with her. Too much history. (He downs his entire drink in one gulp and winces) Ooh. As for you, stay away from that crowd. Do like me. Make it a clean break. Cami: Not the first time I've heard that advice, (Vincent shrugs in understanding) .. but if there's one thing I've learned in this town, we do better when we're not alone. (Vincent smiles at Cami, surprised at her kindness, and she pours him another drink. She holds up her own glass as a toast, and he clinks his glass against hers before they both drink) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Marcel is walking Rebekah into her bedroom in the compound, and she sits down and faces him, clearly unhappy about the past day's events) Rebekah: (sighs) I appreciate you escorting me home. Given that there's a witch inside me trying to break out, I probably shouldn't be alone right now. Marcel: You're gonna be ok, I promise. Rebekah: (exhausted) Funny, isn't it? I've lived a thousand years, and now I'm stuck in a body that might swallow me whole. Of course, if Josephine Larue gets her way, I'll be heading back to that witchy asylum. Marcel: That's not gonna happen. Rebekah: The point is, for the first time in ages, I'm quite vulnerable, weak even. It's an uncomfortable moment realizing that you're genuinely afraid. (Marcel sits down on the bed in front of Rebekah to comfort her, and lifts her chin with his hand so he can look her in the eyes) Marcel: It's ok to be scared... (He takes her hand in his and squeezes it) And we are all vulnerable, but weak, (He shakes his head) no. Let me tell you something. Klaus is the smartest person I've ever met. Elijah is... The stuffiest. (They both laugh) You're the strongest... No matter what body you're in. (They stare at each other for a moment) You need anything? Rebekah: (sighs and giggles) Perhaps I could use a drink. Marcel: (stands to his feet and heads for the door) Sure. Be but a moment, milady. (Once he leaves, Rebekah gets up to change her clothes when she's suddenly ht with another painful headache as Eva once again tries to regain control over her body. She doubles over and cries out in pain) Rebekah: Ohh! (She gets a vision of carving the sacrificial channeling sigil on another girl's forehead and is horrified. When she comes to, she starts trying to catch her breath and sits down on the bed. Marcel comes in with her drink and is concerned when he sees her gasping for air) Marcel: You all right? Rebekah: I honestly don't know. (Marcel sets down the drink and rushes over to her) I keep having flashes of memory, but they fade almost as soon as I've had them. (Marcel looks worried and considers this for a moment) I don't suppose you'd mind staying just to keep an eye on me. Marcel: Yeah. I'm not gonna go anywhere, all right? (He leans forward and pulls Rebekah into a hug, which seems to reassure her) [ ABANDONED WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (In the block of abandoned warehouses where Rebekah found herself after blacking out, there is one storage space that is full of the unconscious bodies of the children that Eva Sinclair has been channeling. Among them is Davina, who has a fresh sacrificial sigil carved into her forehead) [ FLASHBACK: EARLIER THAT DAY ] (When Rebekah was hanging out with Davina to figure out what was wrong with her, Eva regained control of her body and went after her) Davina: (confused) Rebekah? (Eva carved the sigil, a large "X" with a diamond shape around it, into her forehead with a Knfe and deposited it in the warehouse with the other children she's channeling) [ ELIJAH'S LOFT / MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus has just arrived to Elijah's new apartment, where he is cleaning up the main room) Klaus:So this is where you live. It's nicer on the inside. Elijah: (still annoyed from earlier) Can I help you, Niklaus, or did you cross the river purely to critique my decor? (Elijah begins lighting candles as Klaus talks) Klaus: I thought you might like to know I was moved by what you said about my decision not to trust our long lost sister, so I waited until she revived, and when she did, we had quite a chat. Elijah: And your position remains unchanged? Klaus: (shrugs) I looked in her eyes, and I saw only anger and fear, the will to do whatever it takes to survive no matter who she hurts. I can use her to my own ends, but I could never allow so damaged a creature to have a say in my plans. Elijah: (interrupts) You may not trust her, but trust me, brother. We may have had our differences of late, but we shall exercise the same caution we have always demonstrated towards our allies. Klaus: (rolls his eyes) Fine. I'll let you pursue it, but should Freya betray us... Elijah: (interrupts) If Freya should even attempt to betray us, I shall bury her beneath a thousand wretched torments. Klaus: (unamused) I don't doubt it, but what if you're too late? (Elijah sighs in frustration) What if Freya is duplicitous? What if hope should be harmed through her actions? You won't have to worry that I will never forgive you because you will never forgive yourself. You will suffer a guilt that will be impossible to endure. (Klaus grabs Elijah's arm and forces him to look at him, but Elijah just sighs and gives him an unimpressed look) A terrible fate for one who cannot die. Elijah: Nothing will happen to that child, but we have to consider every wapon at our disposal, brother. Dahlia is coming. (The camera cuts to the nursery, where Hope is sleeping soundly in her crib) Elijah (V.O.): The only question is when. (As Hope sleeps, the Dahlia's voice can be heard humming the same tune from earlier in the episode. We flash back to the Kingdom of Norway, 977 A.D., when Dahlia hummed the tune to Freya after she bonded them together so she could draw on her magic) (In the present day, the music box on the nightstand next to Hope's crib magically winds itself up and starts playing the same tune Dahlia was humming. After a moment, the curtains begin to billow around as a breeze suddenly blows through the open window) [ END ]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x16 - Save My Soul"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Freya: Dahlia will come here, drawn by your daughter. She will kll anyone who would defy her. Elijah: Yet you would defy her. Freya: My one chance is to align with you and kll her. Klaus: Should Freya betray us, what if Hope should be harmed through her actions? Elijah: We have to consider every wapon at our disposal, brother. Josephine: The Treme coven wants Vincent Griffith returned. (Chanting) (Gasping) Vincent: Who are you? Elijah: Vincent Griffith is alive and free from the influence of my brother Finn. Ruben: A witch named Eva Sinclair was stealing children to channel their power. Rebekah: Given that there's a witch inside me trying to break out, probably shouldn't be alone right now. Cami: I see Marcel let you out. Vincent: I told him what I knew, but if Eva's coming back here, I don't want anything to do with her. Rebekah? Rebekah? Rebekah: I'm having flashes of memory, but they fade almost as soon as I've had them. (The scene cuts from inside Eva's mind-space, to the Mikaelson compound, to Elijah's apartment in Algiers, to the warehouse where Eva is keeping the children she's channeling, and to Rousseau's. All the while, Eva/Rebekah narrate in voiceover) [ EVA'S MIND ] (Eva/Rebekah are sleeping in the compound, giving both of them free reign of Eva's mind. The space has taken the form of the warehouse where Eva is keeping all of the children she is channeling, and everything has a greenish-hue to it) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): All of us live with a demon inside. (In the space, Eva is skulking around the warehouse, trying to find Rebekah, who has taken the form of her 5-6 year old self in Eva's mind) Eva: (yelling) Rebekah Mikaelson! (Rebekah, who is hiding in a dark corner behind some machinery, gets scared and whimpers as she gets up and runs away) Eva: (yelling) You can't hide from me forever! (Young Rebekah continues to run away from her in fright) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): Some days, you control the demon. (Young Rebekah runs right into Eva, who grabs her by the arms and shakes her violently) Eva: (crazed) This is my house! Eva / Rebekah: (shrieks) Ahhhhhhh! [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Suddenly, Eva wakes up with a gasp in her bed to find Marcel sitting in a chair across from her, reading a book and keeping an eye on her. He puts his book down as he looks at her in concern, thinking she's Rebekah) Marcel: You okay? Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): And other days, it controls you. (Eva glares at Marcel for a moment before smirking and holding up her hands to cast a pain infliction spell on him. Marcel collapses onto his knees in pain) Marcel: Ahhhhh! (Eva flicks her wrist, snapping Marcel's neck with telekinesis and causing him to slump over onto the floor, blood dripping from his mouth) [ ELIJAH'S APARTMENT ] (Elijah is sitting on his bed with his button-up shirt open, and he looks up at Gia, who is standing in front of him in a tnk top and underwear) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): And it is always hungry. (Elijah vamp-speeds to his feet, reaches behind Gia's head, and pulls her head toward him so he can kiss her before spinning them around and pushing her onto the bed on her back as they continue to make out) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): It feeds on lust, on longing. [ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (All the children Eva has been channeling, including Davina, are still sprawled unconscious all over the floor in a corner) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): And while you may slumber... [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Eva is wandering around the compound, where she stops to stare at an old-fashioned painting of Rebekah on the wall for a moment until she hears the sound of Hope crying nearby and wanders over to her nursery, where she finds a werewolf guard standing outside the door) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): .. It tempts you into crossing every line you've ever drawn. All while it hunts you... [ ELIJAH'S APARTMENT ] (Gia and Elijah are laying naked under the covers of his bed. Gia is asleep, curled up against Elijah's chest, but he's still awake, and thinks quietly while he plays with her hair) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): .. Haunts you... [ ROUSSEAU'S ] (Vincent is at a table with a glass of bourbon, and is staring sadly at a photobooth photograph of himself and Eva before she began hunting children) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): .. Renders you incapable of telling friend from foe. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (The werewolf guard outside Hope's room has been klled, and Eva steps into the nursery to stare at Hope, who is laying in her crib) Eva / Rebekah: But once it's turned your loved ones into enemies, the demon would have consumed you whole. (Hayley, having heard the commotion, enters the nursery from her bedroom and finds Eva standing over Hope's crib. When she sees the dad werewolf on the floor, she realizes that something is wrong, and her hybrid face comes out as she lunges for Eva) Hayley: Get away from her! (She grabs Eva by the arm to pull her away and slams her head on the nearby dresser. Eva falls to the floor as Hayley goes to check on Hope, but before she can grab her, Eva telekinetically throws Hayley back into her bedroom, where she slams into the back wall. Klaus storms into the room when he hears the crashing sound from his bedroom) Klaus: (furious) Rebekah! What are you doing? (Klaus lunges for her, but she casts a pain infliction spell on him. Hayley runs back in to take her out, but Eva casts another spell on her as well, and she falls to her knees and chokes as Eva glares at them. Klaus forces himself to lean forward so he can claw a set of deep gashes into her thigh with his fingernails, which causes Eva to scream in pain) Eva: (shrieks) Ahhh! (Realizing she's overpowered, Eva lets go of the spell and jumps out the window, leaving Klaus and Hayley too busy recovering from her asault to follow her. They both stare down at Hope, who is sitting calmly in her crib, completely at ease, before giving each other worried looks) Season 2 Episode 17 Exquisite Corpse Original air date: April 6, 2015 [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus, Marcel, and Hayley are in Klaus' study, where he's pulling a pair of the magic-cancelling manacles that Kol's witches enchanted into dark objects in 1914) Klaus: I should really stop packing these away. There's always one family member or another in need of a good shackling. (He hands the manacles to Marcel) Find Rebekah-- or Eva, or whoever the bloody hell that was-- use these to stop her from doing magic. And don't hurt her. The non-psychopathic bits are still my sister. Marcel: (worried) Alright, I won't be the only one looking for her. She klled witch-kids. The twenty-four hour hold that Elijah got the covens to agree to? Ended at midnight. Every witch in the city is gonna be gn for her. Klaus: (sighs and turns to Hayley) Go to Elijah. Get her to charm his elderly witch into calling off the hunt. Hayley: (annoyed) And leave Hope? Don't you think I should stay here and protect our daughter? Klaus: (frustrated) Jackson has been working night and day to secure this compound, surrounding it with his werewolf army. Not to mention the fact that I'm here, and I know the best way to protect our child is to get Rebekah out of that serial kller's body and back into the original model. Hayley: (not pleased) Hmm. And, what will you be doing while we're out doing all the dirty work? Klaus: Why, tending to the even dirtier work, as usual. [ LARUE MANSION ] (Elijah and Gia, who are dressed up in cocktail attire again, are standing in Josephine's living room with Hayley, who is in her usual loose top, jeans, and combat boots. She seems to sense the budding relationship between Elijah and Gia, and keeps clearing her throat awkwardly, which does not go unnoticed by either of them. After an uncomfortable silence, Gia finally speaks up) Gia: ...I'm gonna see if I can find Josephine. (Hayley smiles fakely as she leaves, and once she's gone, she clears her throat again and gives Elijah a significant look. He can't help but smile bashfully in response as they wait for their hostess) Hayley: (sarcastically) Well, now I see why you didn't answer my calls. (She pauses a bat and sits in a chair) Did she have to come with us? Elijah: (sits next to her) Josephine LaRue can be rather recalcitrant. She is, however, enamored with Gia's musical prowess and cavalier spirit. Hayley: Huh. So, the baby-vamp is now the Witch-Whisperer? (Elijah smiles and sighs) I'm just glad that you found someone so... multi-talented to spend your time with... Elijah: (rolls his eyes) What exactly do you want from me? (Hayley looks at him but remains silent. Before she can answer, Josephine and Gia join them in the living room, and Elijah stands to his feet to greet her) Elijah: Madame LaRue. Josephine: Mr. Mikaelson. (Elijah gently kisses her on each cheek in greeting before she settles down in an armchair to talk with them) Josephine: Have you come to impress me once more with young Gia's rare talents? (She notices Hayley scowling in the doorway and looks at Elijah in amusement) What, pray tell, does this one do? Elijah: (smiles) This one is family, Madame. (Hayley smiles tightly at Josephine and stays silent) But, we've come to ask for a favor. (Josephine looks at him curiously) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus is staring at the painting of Rebekah from several centuries ago when Freya arrives and joins him, though Klaus doesn't even turn to acknowledge her presence) Freya: (looks at the painting) Our sister was quite the beauty. Klaus: You said that you could put Rebekah back in her original body. Do it. Freya: (laughs in amusement) So, you've come to your senses? Klaus: My senses have not faltered. They still demand that you are not to be trusted. However, circumstance dictates otherwise... for now. Freya: (not amused) What's changed? Klaus: Eva Sinclair has resumed control of her body, leaving Rebekah trapped and powerless. So, make with your spells and enchantments and put my sister back in her true body! Freya: (closes her eyes and sighs in frustration) I'm afraid it's not that simple. Klaus: (smiles weakly) More stalling. Very well. I know I can't kll you, but I shall have a fine time trying. Tell me, have you ever been skinned alive? Freya: The problem is Rebekah's condition has worsened. (Klaus' smile falls, and he turns away from her) When I offered to help, she was in control of Eva's body. She's lost inside Eva. I don't have a spell that could breech Eva's mind and find her. Klaus: Fortunately for you, I know someone well-versed in such spells. (Klaus opens up the wooden box from earlier and pulls out the other pair of magic-disabling shackles before vamp-speeding over to her and slapping them on her wrists before she can react. Freya is startled by the action, but doesn't seem surprised, and simply glares at Klaus angrily) Klaus: (smirks) Let's go meet her, shall we? [ ROUSSEAU'S / LARUE MANSION ] (The scene cuts between Marcel and Vincent's conversation at Rousseau's, and Elijah, Hayley, and Gia's conversation with Josephine at her home) [ ROUSSEAU'S ] (Vincent is still sitting at his table, surrounded by multiple empty glasses of bourbon and a small plate of french fries as he continues to stare at the photo of him and Eva together. After a moment, Marcel arrives and sits across from him) Marcel: (notices the drinks around him) A little early, isn't it? Vincent: (sighs) You know why I'm sitting here day-drinking in the Quarter all by my lonesome? (Marcel shakes his head) Because I'm pretty much done and through with the vamps, wolves, and witches of this town. And, from some of the looks I've been getting, they're through with me, too. So, if I'm sitting here, they don't see me, and if I drink... (He holds up his full glass of bourbon and taps it with his fingers before chugging the whole glass down) .. after a while, I don't see them, either. (Marcel picks up the photo of Vincent and Eva and holds it up) Marcel: And how many is it gonna take before she disappears? (Vincent reaches for the photo, but Marcel yanks it out of his reach) Vincent: Come on, man... Marcel: Uh-uh. You need to know that she is back and on the loose, and I need to find her before the witches do so I can save my friend, who is trapped inside of her. And I came to you, because you are the only person in this city who knows her inside-out. (Marcel holds out the photo, and Vincent quickly snatches it from his hand before pulling out his wallet and returning the photo to one of the pockets) Vincent: Look man, I'm sorry about your friend. But, if Eva is back in control of her body... [ LARUE MANSION ] (Josephine, Elijah, Hayley, and Gia pick up their conversation where Vincent left off) Josephine: Then, you need to let the witches put that body down! Eva will use up your sister, just like she did the others. Hayley: (concerned) The others? [ ROUSSEAU'S ] (Vincent and Marcel continue the conversation at their table) Vincent: The first of the kids went missing two years ago. Feels like a lifetime. I was, uh, clocking in: college, work, coven. Felt like a normal life. But, um, had this woman. Met when we were sixteen years old, did our first bit of magic together... it was so insanely intense. [ LARUE MANSION ] Josephine: Eva was a wild beauty practicing a wild magic. But, she and Vincent were so happy, we let them be. Elijah: (sighs) And then the children began to disappear. [ ROUSSEAU'S ] Vincent: First was a little girl named Amelie Dupree from Algiers. Then, Lou-Anne Hughes from the 9th, Nicholas Alseis from the Tremé... (He kisses his fingertips as a sort of prayer to the child) All young kids, all witch prodigies... phew .. vanished into thin air. So, I put together a posse of guys from each of the covens, but the kller cloaked the kids so quickly, our locator spells was useless. [ LARUE MANSION ] Josephine: But, because of Vincent's tenacity, she was caught. [ ROUSSEAU'S ] Vincent: It was a fluke! I was able to slap a locator spell on one of the kids right after he got snatched, and I got nothing at first. And then a car, and then a face... But that face, man-- it was Eva. (He laughs bitterly) The love of my life. (Marcel looks troubled as he continues listening to the story) So, I caught her, confronted her... and then I saw the truth. She kept pleading with me... (He begins to imitate Eva) .. "Vince! Just three more little girls, Vince! Just three!" Marcel: (confused) Why three? [ LARUE MANSION ] (Josephine answers Marcel's question for Gia, Elijah and Hayley) Josephine: To complete the Rite of Nines. Gia: (confused) The Rite of Nines? [ ROUSSEAU'S ] Vincent: Eva thought if she sacrificed a witch from each of the nine covens, it would create a new witch order in New Orleans. She would have been more powerful than any Elder... (He gestures to Marcel with his hands) .. Any Harvest girl... Marcel: Wait, wait, wait-- but why kids? Vincent: Because their magic is untapped. It's pure. And, they're a hell of a lot easier to subdue. [ LARUE MANSION ] (Hayley, Elijah, and Gia suddenly understand Eva's motivations from earlier, and they all look very concerned by this news) Hayley: That's why she went after my baby. Josephine: She would have klled your daughter, channeled her powers, as she did with those other poor children. [ ROUSSEAU'S ] Vincent: I never found those kids. They died; unconsecrated, unable to be with our ancestors. Used as a source for Eva's magic. Marcel: So, help me find her before she takes any more lives, including Rebekah's. (Vincent looks torn, and considers this for a moment) Help me stop her. [ LARUE MANSION ] Josephine: We agree she must be stopped; no more of our youth will die. (She stands to her feet) That is why, Mr. Mikaelson, I will not extend your twenty-four hours. (Elijah and Hayley both look stunned and horrified) Eva Sinclair now has a bounty on her head. Elijah: (outraged) You would condemn my sister to her death? Josephine: I dislike the term "collateral damage," but there it is. If one or two must fall to take Eva down for good, so be it. (Elijah glares at Josephine furiously) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Klaus has just brought Freya to the cemetery, where he leads her into the Lyonne tomb, her wrists still shackled with the magic-disabling manacles) Freya: (holds up her shackled wrists in annoyance) I fail to see the need for these. I'm not your enemy. Klaus: Oh, they're not to protect me, love! (He pulls her into the main room of the tomb by the manacles and gestures toward a corner) They're to protect her, the one who knows more about mind-invasion and body-jumping than all of us put together. (Klaus throws two blood bags into the dark corner with a smirk, and Freya takes a step toward it, clearly curious as to who is there. After a moment, Esther's hand reaches out and grabs one of the blood bags to gulp it down quickly before throwing it aside and chugging the second. After a moment, Freya realizes it's her mother, and she quickly turns to leave, only to be stopped by Klaus) Freya: (horrified) No! No! Klaus: (still holding Freya by the shoulders) Mother? Freya. Freya? Mother. (Esther, who still looks very desiccated, looks at them both in confusion as she takes in the sight of her eldest child) Esther: (in disbelief) It... can't be. Freya: (turns to Klaus furiously) You won't trust me, but you'll trust her? Klaus: I trust my mother about as much as I would a stuck snake. (He walks toward Esther) Fortunately, she is now a vampire, and as such, she's vulnerable to my compulsion. (He grabs Esther by the face and stares into her eyes as he compels her) You will answer me truthfully. (He then picks her up so she's standing on her feet and brings her over to Freya, who glares at both of them) Klaus: There! Now, at least everything that comes out of her wretched mouth will be honest. Let's raid Mommy Dearest's mind for spells, shall we? [ IDA MAE'S SHOP ] (Eva has made it to a hideout, where she is making a paste with a mortar and pestle. Once it's finished, she spreads it out over the deep gashes in her thigh and sighs in relief) Eva: (breathing deeply) Okay. (She takes a small red bottle and uses the dropper to drip some liquid onto the paste on her leg, which causes her to groan in pain) Eva: Ahhhhh! (After a moment, the potions take effect, and she sighs in relief again as she sits back in her chair and relaxes. Suddenly, Marcel vamp-speeds into the room and slaps the magic-disabling manacles onto her wrists before she can react) Marcel: (laughs) Oh-ho-ho-ho! Not really keen on another witch headache! Eva: (looks at the shackles in anger) Dark objects? How did a damn vamp find me? Marcel: I had a little help; someone who knew where an injured witch on the run might go to heal up. (Eva looks horrified when she sees Vincent come into the room behind Marcel and stare at her) Eva: (whispers) Vince? (Marcel suddenly vamp-speeds over to Eva and pins her against a wall) Marcel: (furious) No time for catch-up! Release Rebekah! Now! Eva: (smirks) Best not damage the package, or you may never see her again. Or your little adopted witch Davina. Marcel: (shocked) What did you just say? Eva: (laughs hysterically) Oh, some daddy-figure you are! I've been feeding off of her for days, and you didn't even know she was gone? (Marcel vamp-speeds her around and slams her back against the table) Marcel: (yells) AHHH! Where is she? Eva: (continues laughing) Release me, and you can have what's left. (Marcel squeezes her uninjured leg with his hands until his fingernails dig deep into her flesh, and she screams in pain) Eva: Ahhhh! Marcel: I think I'll just trture you until you give me what I need! Vincent: (concerned) trture ain't gonna do it, man! Half the witches in this city went after her, she ain't say a thing. (Marcel groans in frustration before reluctantly releasing Eva from his choke-hold and turning toward Vincent) Marcel: (annoyed) You got a better idea? Vincent: Yeah! (He walks toward Eva and stares at her) Let me talk to her. (Eva gives Vincent a hard look, but can't help but smirk at him) [ LARUE MANSION ] (Elijah, Hayley, and Gia are still arguing in favor of protecting Rebekah with Josephine) Elijah: I assure you, Madame LaRue, we will defend your witches with a fearsome vengeance. Josephine: You have a wonderful way with words. Really. Your cadence is pleasant. Normally, I could listen to it all day long, but I grow tired of this. My mind remains unchanged. (Hayley becomes angry and stares at Josephine incredulously) Hayley: Are you serious? (Josephine looks at her, mildly offended by her outburst. Hayley gestures toward Gia) She puts on a talent show... (She gestures to Elijah) .. He has every vampire in the Quarter kissing your ass, and your final answer is "Screw you?" (Gia stands up and tries to calm her down) Gia: Hayley... Hayley: (holds up her hand) Back off. Elijah: (attempts to mediate) We came here to honor the alliance between us. If this is something you wish to rescind, so be it. (Elijah turns to leave, and Hayley and Gia are about to follow him when Josephine, who is angry now, stops them) Josephine: Don't you dare walk into my house and thrat me! I am not the one that needs you, Elijah Mikaelson; it is you who needs us, or you will soon enough. (Josephine turns to find Hayley standing right behind her, and she roughly grasps Hayley's wrists as she suddenly has some kind of premonition about her) Josephine: (whispers) There's a storm coming, child. Your darkest demons ride upon it. (Hayley looks alarmed) I do not know its name, but when I peer into your future, there is a blackness that should terrify you. (Hayley gulps nervously as Josephine continues to stare at her) [ IDA MAE'S SHOP ] (Eva is still shackled and sitting in a chair as she and Vincent look at each other) Eva: I heard they'd gotten you, that you'd been taken over by the crazed brother of the other one that's still inside me. Vincent: Hmm, yup. But, I'm back now. Eva: (smiles) So you are. Vincent: (smiles back) Mmm. Eva: (coldly) The man who sold out his own girl and gave up on their future! Vincent: Don't start with me! Now, Marcel said that... Eva: (laughs in amusement) Oh, Vincent, are you kissing vampire ass now? Vincent: (rolls his eyes and chuckles) Hoo! Eva: This city could have been free of their kind if you hadn't been such a weak little coward! Vincent: (raises his voice) You left me with no choice! I couldn't let you go on doing what... Eva: (interrupts) Oh, please! You saw how beaten down we've become! Covens from every ward fighting each other, half of them working with vampires! Now, change was necessary! Unity was necessary! Vincent: (exasperated) klling kids was necessary? Eva: (hurt) Vincent, I didn't kll any kids! (Vincent gives her a skeptical look) They're still alive! Just asleep. Cloaked, of course. (Vincent looks torn, and seems to be debating whether or not to believe her) Vincent: All of them? Eva: (quieter and calmer) Uh-huh! I just need their power. They don't have to die. (Vincent looks at her in confusion) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Esther is still processing the revelation that Freya is still alive she, Klaus, and Freya continue to talk in the Lyonne tomb) Esther: (walks toward Freya with her arms out) My beautiful girl. My first born! Freya: (furiously pulls on her manacles) Touch me, and I will use these chains to strangle you! Klaus: Yes, now that we have the pleasantries out the way, let's begin, shall we? (Esther scowls at him) It appears that your delightful sister Dahlia is on her way to New Orleans, hell-bent on stealing my child. I need Rebekah back in her original body so she can help me destroy her. Esther: (overwhelmed with shock and horror) Your child? Klaus: (rolls his eyes) Oh, I suppose it is difficult keeping up on current events whilst rotting inside a tomb. (He rubs his hands together and walks toward Esther) Very well. The short version? My child is alive. Dahlia is on her way. Now, the previous tenant of Rebekah's body has seized control and isn't keen on giving it up. (Esther continues to look overwhelmed) Young Freya here, although powerful, lacks the spell to put Rebekah back in her true body. And that's where you come in... (Klaus lunges toward Esther and grabs her by the shoulders as he looks her in the eyes) .. I need you to be a dear and dig deep into that ex-witch mind of yours. (He pulls out a folded stack of blank paper from his inner jacket pocket and hands it to her) Give me the spell that puts Rebekah back. (Esther glares at Klaus, who simply smiles at her) [ IDA MAE'S SHOP ] (Eva is still shackled and seated in the chair of the hideout while Vincent leans against the nearby wall and peers out the window as he processes this newly-learned information) Eva: (stares at Vincent) You know, even when you betrayed me, I didn't blame you. (Vincent turns and walks toward her with an incredulous look on his face) You just couldn't see the light. (She hesitates) But, you see it now, don't you? (Vincent sighs, and Eva's demeanor changes from calm to furious as she rattles her chains maniacally and begins to yell at him) Eva: Now that your body was stolen by the same family of vampires that are trying to steal mine! (Vincent looks at her warily, and she calms down and begins to plead with him) You see what's gotta be done. (Vincent shakes his head in disbelief and begins to pace in front of her) Eva: Now, I just need one more witch, and then we can finish the ritual! Together. Take all the power we need, and then those kids can go home to their moms! (Vincent looks up at her in surprise and seems to be considering her offer) And then we need never be under their control ever again. (Vincent walks toward her and is about to say something, but Marcel bursts into the room before he gets the chance to speak) Marcel: (annoyed) I can hear her yapping, but clearly she's not talking. I guess we're back to square one. (Eva looks at Vincent anxiously, and Vincent sighs before turning to Marcel) Vincent: Actually, she did talk, and I decided to listen. (Marcel gives Vincent a questioning look, and after a moment, Vincent claps his hands together and pushes them together, causing Marcel to once again get another "witch headache" and fall to his knees in pain) Marcel: Ahhh! (Vincent uses telekinesis to throw him out of the wall of windows and onto the sidewalk, and when he walks toward the wall to check on him, he finds Marcel laying unconscious in the street. Eva looks at him in surprise, clearly impressed and relieved by his actions. When Vincent turns back toward her, Eva stands to her feet and holds out her shackled wrists, and he sighs before reluctantly snapping his fingers, causing the shackles to break open and fall to the floor as they release her. Eva smirks at him) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Hayley, Marcel, Elijah and Gia are at the compound, where they are discussing what to do next. Hayley has Hope in her arms, and she gently bounces her on her hip as she paces around anxiously) Hayley: Great! Eva is in the wind, although now she has a sidekick. Elijah: (mutters) The charming Vincent Griffith. Marcel: (sighs) It gets worse. If Eva has Davina, then she has eight of the witches she needs to finish the ritual. (Elijah looks at him in horror) She just needs one more. Hayley: (determined) If she comes after Hope, Rebekah or no Rebekah, I will put her down for good. Elijah: Fortify this house. When they do come, kll him, capture her. Hayley: (incredulous) Capture? Elijah: (serious) I will not abandon my sister! (Hayley looks embarrassed and guilty for her words, but remains silent as she squeezes Hope protectively) Elijah: Now, gather what wolves you have. With Vincent by her side, she will strike with considerable force. [ LARUE MANSION ] (Josephine is sitting alone in her living room, listening to a record on a gramophone player and sipping a cup of tea. After a moment, the record screeches to a stop when Eva, who has just appeared out of nowhere with Vincent in tow, pulls the pin away. Josephine is so stunned by Eva's appearance that she can't even bring herself to move as she walks toward her) Eva: (sarcastic) The revered Josephine LaRue. How are you on this very fine day, dear? (Josephine's hands are shaking so badly the teacup and saucer rattle loudly as Eva and Vincent walk toward her) You look nervous. Are you nervous, Josie? You should be. You see, I just need one more special witch to complete my circle. (Eva circles behind Josephine and runs a finger along her shoulder) Now, the hybrid child was a target of opportunity. You? You're a target of choice. (Eva takes the teacup and saucer out of Josephine's hands, and Josephine looks over at Vincent pleadingly) Josephine: Vincent, you're not listening to her? (Vincent stares at her blankly) You haven't been yourself lately... Vincent: (interrupts) You're right! I haven't been. But, now that I'm back, I realized something: the only time I've ever really been myself... (He looks up at Eva, who is still standing behind Josephine) .. is when I'm with her. Josephine: (appalled) Oh! (Vincent and Eva both close in around Josephine, and she jerks in her chair) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Esther is writing the spell Freya needs on a sheet of paper, using diagrams of triangles and other shapes to describe what needs to be done, while Freya and Klaus wait impatiently) Klaus: (annoyed) What is taking so long? You didn't tarry when you attempted to kll my child! Esther: (hurt) I took no joy in that! I knew if your daughter lived, Dahlia would come, not only for her, but for all of you! And however you may despise me, I would not wish that upon you. Klaus: How touching! Freya: (bitterly) Isn't it? I always wondered what maternal compassion sounded like. Of course, I wouldn't know, since you sold me into slvery at the age of five! Esther: (frustrated) When I made that bargain with my sister, I had no idea what it meant to be a mother! I thought if I had a dozen children, I would not miss the one. And then, you were born. You were beautiful. You had a light about you that put a smile on the face of the hardest man I had ever known. (Klaus seems almost surprised by this statement) And when Dahlia took you, I thought that same light might warm her embittered heart. (Freya glares at her furiously at these words) That you might lead a good life. Freya: (appalled and enraged) A good life? (She stomps toward Esther and gets in her face) You were my mother! You should have come for me! Esther: (nods sadly) Yes. I should have. (Her voice becomes colder) But, it would have been a mistake. (She turns to Klaus) The same mistake you will be making if you let this girl help you. Klaus: (rolls his eyes) For God's sake, speak plainly! Esther: (walks toward Klaus) The light I saw in Freya as a child, it's gone. While she was mine for five years, Dahlia was her mentor for a thousand. And, like her mentor, she will offer to solve your problem, but for a price. Freya: (furious) There is no price! I know the... (Freya lunges for Esther, but Klaus steps between them and pushes her backward away from their mother) Klaus: No volence until she's finished writing the spell, please! (He turns to Esther) Honestly, it's all temper and no timing with this one. (He chuckles) I, for one, am glad you gave her away so that I could be born. You should think of me as an upgrade! (Freya only becomes more angry at Klaus' words, and Esther, too, does not seem at all pleased by this reunion) [ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (Vincent and Eva have just showed up to the warehouse where Eva has been hiding the children she took for the Rite of Nine's. Vincent is carrying Josephine's unconscious body in his arms, and Eva points to the corner) Eva: There. (Vincent walks to where Eva has indicated and places Josephine onto the ground) Vincent: Where are the others? (Eva thrusts out her arm and waves it in front of herself, revealing the unconscious bodies of the eight other children she's channeling. Davina, who still has Eva's channeling sigil carved into her forehead, is slumped over next to where Josephine now lays. Vincent is horrified as he looks around at all of the children he had searched for years ago) Vincent: (points to Davina) That's the Harvest girl. Eva: (pulls a Knfe out of her boot) Davina Claire. (She walks over to them with the Knfe in hand) Once I link Josephine, we can begin. (She's about to start carving the symbol into Josephine's forehead, but instead sighs and stands to look at Vincent) Though, I should admit, I told a little lie earlier: in order to save the many, we've gotta sacrifice a few. (Vincent's eyes widen, but he doesn't seem surprised by this confession) You understand, Vince. (Vincent nods at her, and she smiles in appreciation before turning back to Josephine. Vincent turns and picks up a large pipe off the ground before sneaking up behind Eva and hitting her hard across the back of her head with it) Eva: (groans) Ahh! Vincent: (panting angrily) Yeah. I figured as much. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Hayley is pacing around the courtyard, where Elijah and Gia are standing around) Hayley: (anxious) Still no sign of her. What the hell is Eva waiting for? (Suddenly, Marcel returns to the compound and joins them in the courtyard) Marcel: She didn't wait. She took Josephine LaRue not half an hour ago. Hayley: If Eva doesn't need Hope, then where would she go? Marcel: The same place she kept all the other cptive. Where she took Davina. Elijah: A place no one has been able to find for two years. (Marcel's phone rings, and when he sees it's Vincent, who is still in Eva's abandoned warehouse, he scowls and reluctantly answers it) Marcel: (on the phone) When I find you, I am going to rip your head from your neck. Vincent: You may want to hold off on that decapitation; I found them all. (He smiles) Davina's alive. (Marcel is stunned) Sorry, I had to make it look convincing! If you were in on the plan, Eva would have known. Marcel: Yeah, blasting me through a couple glass doors really sold it. Alright, round of applause. Now what? (Vincent notices that Eva's nose is bleeding, and when he looks over at Davina, he realizes that her nose is bleeding, too, along with the other seven children she's channeling) Vincent: (sighs) Now, we got a problem. These kids, they're all linked to her. If she dies, they all die. Marcel: (gets an idea) So, we'll find a witch to unlink them. Vincent: (considers this option) Gonna need somebody with some serious power. (Marcel sighs and looks over at Elijah, who seems to be thinking the same thing that he is, and hangs up the phone. Elijah nods at him) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Freya is looking over at the spell Esther has written down for her, and looks concerned as Klaus and Esther stare at her) Freya: (anxious) I can't do this. This spell requires an enormous amount of power. Esther: Which you have. Freya: And that power needs to be anchored, or I'll be lost inside Eva's mind along with Rebekah. Unlike your magic, mine isn't anchored to any one place. Because of you, I have no home. Esther: Perhaps. (She turns to Klaus) But, there is no other spell. (Klaus looks torn, and doesn't seem to want to trust either of them. Suddenly, Freya gets an idea) Freya: (stares at Klaus) You. (She walks toward Klaus) I can use you as my anchor. I'll channel your power while I breach Eva's mind. Esther: (eyes Freya suspiciously) And there it is. The price. If she channels you, she will have access to your mind, past and present. She will know everything about you. Klaus: (considers this as he paces around) All of my strategies and all of my secrets laid bare to give to Dahlia. (He turns to face Freya) You must think I'm a fool. (Suddenly, Elijah appears behind Klaus) Elijah: Unless it's not a trick. (He stares at Freya determinedly) I'll be the anchor. Klaus: (incredulous) Brother, I think not. Elijah: (annoyed) Brother, whatever this is, nothing must prevent us from saving our sister. I will not lose Rebekah. Klaus: Oh yes, by all means, let's give Dahlia's whelp access to all the information she needs to destroy us! (Freya, who is becoming increasingly infuriated by Klaus' continued paranoia, grips the chain that links her shackles) Elijah: (points to Esther) And since when do we heed the words of this serpent? Freya: (furious) ENOUGH! (She suddenly yanks her arms away from her body, easily breaking through the magic-proof shackles and allowing her access to her magic again. She holds up her hand and twists her wrist, which snaps Klaus' neck and causes him to fall unconscious to the floor. Elijah looks at Freya, stunned and confused) Freya: (to Klaus' unconscious body) For an upgraded model, you're not very sharp. (She walks over to Elijah) Let's go. (Elijah, who seems to be unnerved, gives Esther a look before he follows her out of the tomb) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Hayley and Gia are in the nursery, where Hayley is rocking a screaming and crying Hope in a rocking chair while Gia organizes Hope's toys) Gia: Ugh, this place smells like werewolf. Hayley: (mildly annoyed) Well, that's because Jackson has a whole platoon of them out there. (She hesitates a moment) You know, you can go. You don't have to stay. Gia: (walks toward them with Hope's music box in her hand) Elijah says you and your kid have more than one enemy. If someone manages to make it through that dog-show outside, you and the baby run, I stay and stall them. Hayley: (confused) You don't even know me. Why would you put yourself in harm's way for us? Gia: (pauses for a moment) I don't have to know you. I know Elijah, and I know what you mean to him. (Hayley looks uncomfortable) And what this baby means to him. Hayley: (awkwardly) He... talks about me with you? Gia: (laughs nervously) No... but, I'm not blind. It's pretty obvious you had the guy all bent out of shape. Look, after you guys got married, we started hanging out. He was just so... wound up. (Hayley looks guilty and stares at the floor) I guess it must be tough to spend a thousand years being the shoulder everyone else leans on. Maybe he... just needs to live his life for himself, for once. (Hayley looks up at Gia and smiles a small smile) [ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (Freya, Elijah, and Marcel have arrived to Eva's hideout for the children she's captured so they can meet with Vincent and finish preparing for their plan. Marcel is carrying Eva in his arms as they walk toward the magic circle - which is actually the triangle Esther drew for her - made of salt and herbs she has set up in the middle of the warehouse. At each point is a lit white candle) Freya: Lay her inside the salt, and lie on either side of her. Each of you take her hand. (She turns to Elijah) I will act as a bridge into her mind, but I'm trusting you to anchor me, brother. Elijah: Do what you need to do. (Marcel lays Eva down on the floor in the middle of the triangle, and then he and Vincent look up at Freya for further instructions) Freya: Rebekah is buried deep. Eva will not give her up without a fight. Marcel: (determined) Then she gets a fight. Freya: Be careful. You're entering Eva's mind. If she kills you in there, you will be lost. (Marcel looks worried) And, if you kll her before you free Rebekah, then Rebekah will be gone forever. Once you have Rebekah, then, and only then, can Eva be dealt with. Vincent: (takes a deep breath) We got it. (Vincent and Marcel each lay down on either side of Eva inside the triangle and hold her hands. Freya kneels beside Vincent) Freya: You'll need a wapon. (She pulls Eva's Knfe out of her boot and holds it out to Vincent, who looks at her in confusion) Vincent: How am I supposed to take that with me? Freya: (clutches the Knfe and begins to chant a spell) Nemina fari en mente. Nemina fari en mente. (She stops chanting and looks at Vincent, grimacing slightly) Freya: This... is going to hurt. (She sab Vincent in the arm with the Knfe. He screams in pain, but then falls unconscious, as does Marcel. Once they're asleep, Freya stands and walks toward Elijah, who holds his hand out toward her. She takes it, and they each grip onto the other's elbows. When Freya nods at him, he nods in return, indicating that he's ready to begin. Freya begins to shout the incantation to the spell) Freya: (chanting loudly) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. (As Freya chants, she is so overwhelmed by the power of the spell that her back arches as her head is thrown back, and Elijah has to hold onto her with much of his strength to keep her from falling) (Suddenly, Marcel and Vincent awaken in Eva's mind-space, which is still the warehouse. Everything has adopted a greenish hue again, and Eva is no longer laying between the two men. Vincent screams in pain and quickly yanks the Knfe out of his arm. When Marcel hears a little girl scream, his head turns toward the sound) Marcel: (worried) Rebekah. (He vamp-speeds toward her, leaving Vincent alone on the floor. The lights start to flicker around him, and he starts to get scared) Vincent: (shouts) Marcel! (Vincent, still clutching his injured arm, rises to his feet and starts to stumble around the warehouse, visibly frightened, as he looks around for Marcel) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Klaus wakes up on the floor of the Lyonne tomb with a gasp to find that the magic-disabling shackles are laying broken on the floor, and everyone has vanished. Esther, who has heard Klaus awaken, comes in from the next room to check on him) Esther: You recover fast, but they're gone. Klaus: (annoyed) I compelled you to tell the truth, not state the bloody obvious. Esther: (walks toward Klaus) She will poison them all against you. You know that. Klaus: (stands to his feet) And you suddenly care, do you? Esther: (exasperated) Klaus! Lying here, starving in the darkness, I have thought of nothing except what could have been if I had left you to live a single, mortal life. Klaus: We would have brned bright for a while, and then burnt out. You see, you think of turning us as your greatest sin, but the truth is, it's the only one of your many faults I've come to forgive. (He smiles at Esther, who frowns) I prefer us as we are. Esther: (shakes her head and places her hands on Klaus' face) No, my son, we are a macabre echo of a family, and I take all the blame for that. (She is near tears) I only wanted to undo my evil, that you might love me again. (Klaus looks as though he's about to cry himself, but he takes Esther's hands in his own and shoves them away from him) Klaus: My mother, the comedian. Enjoy the darkness. (Klaus turns and leaves to find Freya and Elijah, and Esther begins to sob) [ EVA'S MIND-SPACE / WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] [ EVA'S MIND ] (Marcel is still running around the version of the warehouse inside Eva's mind, but he has yet to find Rebekah. The lights continue to flicker around him, and as he rushes around, he hears the sound of a frightened child hyperventilating nearby. After some wandering around, he finally comes upon a small closet) Marcel: Rebekah? (He opens the closet and finds Young Rebekah curled up in fear. She gasps in fright at first, but then she recognizes him even despite her young age and immediately runs into his arms as Marcel hugs her tightly) Marcel: Rebekah! It's okay, it's safe. (Suddenly, Eva appears behind them, and Rebekah stares at her in terror) Eva: You people just don't give up, do you? Marcel: (to Rebekah) Run. (Young Rebekah runs away in the opposite direction while Marcel stays behind to hold her off. He lunges for her at vampire-speed, but Eva thrusts her arm out in front of him and uses her magic to cause him so much pain that he clutches his chest and screams at the top of his lungs) Marcel: Ahhhh! Eva: You're a vampire in here, in my world! I'm the one who makes the rules! I'm the one who says how. you. die. (Eva twists her wrist, and Marcel begins writhing on the ground in agony as she tortures him) [ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (Inside the warehouse, Freya is practically bent over backwards as Elijah struggles to keep his hold on her while she continues to chant the spell) Freya: (shouting) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. (As Elijah grips onto Freya's arms as tightly as he can, Marcel's closed eyes begin to twitch, and suddenly, blood starts to drip from them) [ EVA'S MIND ] (Inside Eva's mind, Eva is straddling Marcel on the floor of the warehouse and is gouging out Marcel's eyes with her thumbs as he groans in pain) Eva: (furiously) The great Marcel. One-time vampire king. (She thrusts her thumbs farther into his eyes, and he groans louder. Suddenly, Vincent appears with his hands out in front of him) Vincent: (shouts) Eva! That's enough! It's over. (Eva looks hurt as she stands to her feet, and Vincent slowly walks toward her, his hands still up in a non-thrat position) Eva: Not a bad bit of acting, fooling me back there. Pretty slick, and cold. (She looks at him and her lips twitch into an affectionate half-smile) Colder than I remembered you. (Vincent gulps nervously) Eva: Aww, it's your eyes. Those damn sexy eyes. Making me think you love me, right before you bury a Knfe in my back. (She caresses Vincent's cheek with her hand, and Vincent sighs) You break my heart, Vince. (Vincent reaches down to his belt, where Eva's Knfe is tucked in his belt) Eva: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... (Vincent goes to sab Eva with the Knfe, but she stops him with telekinesis and forces him to drop the Knfe on the floor. Vincent starts to choke from the force of the spell) [ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (Elijah is struggling so hard to hold onto Freya, who is still chanting the spell, that he yells in frustration at the top of his voice. Vincent's body starts to shake as Eva chokes him in her mind) Freya: (yelling) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Elijah: Ahhhh! Freya: (yelling) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. (She looks up at Elijah and looks scared) I'm losing them! (Elijah continues to hold onto her for dear life, when suddenly Klaus appears and grabs Freya's arm in one hand and Elijah's hand in the other, so they are all three linked in a circle to anchor Freya better. Freya looks at him in shock) Klaus: We're not finished, you and I. But, for right now? Save my sister. Freya: (nods and begins to shout the incantation again) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. [ EVA'S MIND ] (Eva is continuing to telekinetically choke Vincent when all of a sudden, Eva is thrown backward by an invisible force, allowing Vincent to recover. He looks angry and offended) Vincent: Is that what you think heartache feels like, Eva? Oh, but you have no idea. I wanted to rip my own heart out every time I woke so I couldn't feel what you did to me! That bone-deep hurt, knowing that I could not save them kids from you. The woman I loved more than my own life. (Vincent thrusts his hand forward and grabs Eva in a choke-hold, but she easily breaks out of it and twists his wrist around, causing him so much pain he collapses onto his knees) Eva: (enraged) We could have had everything! You chose this. It's on you! (Vincent shakes his head to try to stop her from klling him, but she's determined. She lets go of his wrist and puts both hands on his face) Eva: Goodbye, Vince. Vincent: (whispers) What? (Eva leans in to kiss him, though Vincent struggles against it, and before she can kll him, she's sab in the back with her own Knfe by Young Rebekah, who stands there stone-faced as Eva collapses onto the floor on top of Vincent, who is gasping for breath) Eva: Ahhh! [ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (As Eva's spirit dies, Marcel and Vincent both gasp themselves awake on the floor of the warehouse. The force of the spell as it breaks pushes Freya, Klaus, and Elijah away from each other, which seems to relief the exhausted Freya. Marcel immediately sits up and looks over at Eva's body, which is still laying unconscious on the floor. He and Vincent both look up at Freya, Klaus, and Elijah, who all seem worried) Klaus: (anxious) Did it work? (Suddenly, Marcel hears a small, familiar-sounding female voice in the next room, and vamp-speeds to the source of the sound. It's Davina, who has just awakened on the floor, and who looks extremely confused) Davina: Where am I? (After a moment, Josephine and the other children start to wake up as well, all of whom look equally confused to find themselves there) Marcel: (shouts to the others in relief) They're okay! (He rushes over to Davina and kneels down so he can give her a big hug) Davina: Marcel! (In the other room, Vincent is tending to his arm wound as Elijah walks over to Eva's body. Klaus looks devastated, and turns to Freya, who looks equally upset) Klaus: Why isn't she waking?? (Freya shakes her head desperately, as though to prove she had no intention of anything bad happening to Rebekah. Suddenly, Eva/Rebekah awakens with a gasp and sits straight up, and the other four look at her warily, unsure at whom they're looking. After a moment, Rebekah sighs in relief and smiles at the sight of her family) Rebekah: (taking deep breaths) Bloody hell! [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Rebekah is in the living room, where she's staring at the portrait on the wall of herself in her original body from several centuries ago. She sighs in exhaustion, just as Klaus, who is drinking straight from a bottle of scotch, comes to check on her) Rebekah: What? You're not fishing for a thank-you, I hope. Klaus: (smiles) I'd find myself freezing in hell before I got one from you! (Rebekah smirks at him, and he laughs) Well, come on, then... let's get you back in your proper body! Though, I'll likely have to trture Freya and Esther to do so. Which, actually, might be quite fun. (Rebekah looks nervous, and hesitates for a moment before speaking) Rebekah: No, Nik. I'm staying put. (Klaus gives her a confused look) Eva's gone for good, but her body - this body - is still linked to Davina and those children. I can feel it. Now, if I leave it, then it dies, and Davina and the others die with it. Klaus: (rolls his eyes) So-bloody-what? Rebekah: (appalled) I happen to like Davina! I'm not about to let her die. (Klaus smiles at her) Besides, do you really want the wrath of every New Orleans witch just as Dahlia arrives? We need them on our side, or at the very least, not siding against us. (She sighs) And, there's also the matter of Kol. I vowed I'd bring him back. I can't even attempt to do that if I'm not a witch. Klaus: (sighs and pauses for a moment) Freya's been inside my head. She knows my secrets. Rebekah: (laughs) So, she knows you go very far for very few. So-bloody-what? Niklaus, just for one second, can we just be what we need to be? A family united? (Klaus sighs and caresses Rebekah's cheek with his hand) Klaus: For now, for you. (He smiles at her, and the two close their eyes and bump their foreheads together for a long moment before Klaus kisses her on the forehead and heads for the front door. Before he can leave, Rebekah calls out to him) Rebekah: Nik? (Klaus stops, but doesn't turn around) Thank you. (Klaus smiles for a moment before he leaves the house) [ CLOSING MONTAGE ] (Eva/Rebekah continues their narration in voiceover as the scene cuts back and forth between the various characters) [ ROUSSEAU'S ] Rebekah: (voiceover) There's a saying in my family: "kll a demon today, face the devil tomorrow." (At Rousseau's, Vincent takes the photo of himself and Eva and lights it on fre with a lighter. He smiles and lays the burning photo on a small plate and watches as the flames turn it to ash) Rebekah: (voiceover) Yet, even if you dance on that demon's grave, you can't help but wonder: was that demon alone? [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] '(The various New Orleans covens, along with the Mikaelsons, Hayley, and Gia, have gathered at the compound, where Josephine is presenting Freya with a necklace with a turquoise pendant. She fastens the necklace around Freya's neck, and they all smile happily) Rebekah: (voiceover) Or do you have other, deadlier ones to fight? (Klaus is on the nearby staircase, watching as Freya is presented with the necklace and scowling suspiciously at her. Everyone claps in Freya's honor as she gives Josephine a hug, and both Rebekah and Elijah are at her side, smiling proudly at her) Rebekah: (voiceover) And though you celebrate having won the battle... (Josephine pulls away from her hug with Freya and faces her) Josephine: You're one of us, now. New Orleans is your home. (Freya smiles at her happily) Your friends are our friends; your enemies, ours. Rebekah: (voiceover) ...Have you really prepared for the wr? [ ROUSSEAU'S ] (Freya is sitting at the bar of Rousseau's, smiling happily as she touches the pendant on her new necklace, when she notices Klaus lurking nearby) Freya: Come to shackle me again, brother? (Klaus comes out of the shadows and leans against the bar beside her) Klaus: Maybe you've wormed your way into the witches' good graces... (He touches the pendant on her necklace) .. and my siblings, too. But, I see you for what you really are. Even if they cannot. Freya: They're not burdened by crippling paranoia. The kind that leaves you muttering to yourself alone in the dark. (She mimics his voice) "Where has everyone gone?" (Klaus looks at her, both embarrassed and outraged at this response) Freya: Mean of me? Yes. I shouldn't bring up your childhood secrets. But don't worry, all I saw when I channeled you were anger issues and a questionable taste in women. (Klaus sighs in annoyance) I was once alone, brother. It would be a shame if you were the one who found himself so. (She gets up to leave the bar, but Klaus stands and pushes her backward with his hand. Freya smiles mockingly and whispers in his ear) Freya: It doesn't have to be like this, of course. But, be careful; I only have so much patience. (Freya rolls her eyes and walks away, leaving an embarrassed and angry Klaus behind at the bar) Rebekah: (voiceover) So, as we dress ourselves in the armor needed for this new fight... [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Esther is sitting alone in the Lyonne tomb when Freya appears out of nowhere to see her) Rebekah: (voiceover) ...We must first tend to our wounds. Starting with the deepest. Esther: (surprised) Freya. Freya: (coldly) You were wrong about me. I loathed Dahlia more than you could ever know. (Esther stares at her in confusion) You don't see that light in me? That's because she snuffed it out! I was five, and she was the devil. She took my light. My love. My will to live. (She smiles bitterly) My ability to die. You are no longer my mother, but I am not her child. (Esther stands and walks toward Freya) Esther: I am so sorry. Freya: (closes her eyes and sighs in annoyance) It's a little late for that. But, it turns out, you were right about one thing: maybe Klaus shouldn't have let me glimpse inside his mind. Esther: (angry) I warned him to be wary of you. Of what you might see. Freya: Oh, I saw quite a bit. But, I only learned one thing: Klaus and I can never be allies. I now see that he will never trust me. So, he leaves me no choice, I will have to turn the family against him. (Esther looks at her in surprise and horror) One by one. And now, I know how to do it. Esther: (confused) Why are you telling me this? (Freya looks at Esther in feigned sympathy as she takes a step toward her) Freya: (whispers) Because you won't be around to see it. (Freya grabs her blue crystal talisman and holds onto it as she places two fingers on Esther's forehead, which causes Esther so much pain that she shrieks at the top of her lungs) Esther: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! (After a moment, Esther/Lenore dies and bursts into a humongous cloud of starlings. The birds flutter around the inside of the tomb before they all fall dad to the floor. Freya looks around at all of the dad birds and steps over them on he way out the door) [ END ]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x17 - Exquisite Corpse"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Freya: Dahlia is the most powerful witch I've ever seen. She craves more power still... and that is why she will come here... to take the child's power for herself. Rebekah: You haven't gotten any sleep lately? Davina: I've been here studying all this stuff since Kol died. Klaus: The wolves need a new leader. I can help you become the leader your pack deserves. Josh: You want to call things off because it'd look weird for a werewolf VP to be dating me. Aiden: I'm just trying to keep you safe. Freya: Dahlia has the power to kll anyone who stands in her way. Elijah: (sympathetically) And you know how to stop her. Freya: Given the proper materials, yes. I've sent father to procure them. Klaus: (furious) You put the life of my child in the hands of Mikael? Elijah: Nothing will happen to that child, but we have to consider every wapon at our disposal, brother. Dahlia is coming. (Fussing) Hey, hey, hey. [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] (Hayley and Jackson are walking down the streets of the French Quarter as Hayley pushes Hope in a stroller. The two talk to each other as they pass locals and tourists milling around the street, along with street musicians who are playing various instruments. Hope coos at Hayley, who giggles and tickles the little girl) Jackson: Well, Mrs. Marshall-Kenner, now that you've got a real local to show you around the quarter, where would you like to start? Hayley: Well, Mr. Kenner, I'd ask to see your old haunts, but we do have an impressionable, young lady with us. Come on. Look. Ha ha! (Hayley tickles Hope again, and she giggles. They come upon a violinist on the sidewalk who is playing an upbeat tune, and so they stop to listen) Hayley: (to Hope) Whoa! (The violinist continues playing the tune a little longer before smiling and dramatically ending the song. Hayley smiles back at the woman and drops some money into her violin case) Hayley: (to the violinist) Thanks! (As Hayley, Jackson, and Hope walk away, the violinist starts playing a much slower tune, the exact same tune that Dahlia used to sing to Freya. Hayley pauses, looking unnerved as she looks over at the violinist, who is staring at them, and Jackson looks at Hayley in concern) Hayley: (shivers) That song... What is it? (They look back at the violinist again, who is still staring at them creepily, and Hayley, alarmed, quickly turns back around and starts walking. As they head down the street, Hayley starts scanning their surroundings and sees a waiter writing a message onto the chalkboard outside of a restaurant that reads, "A promise made is a debt to be paid." Hayley becomes even more alarmed, but tries her best to play it cool in case someone else is watching. Suddenly, they're stopped by a man holding a large, long-stemmed red and black flower in his hand) Flower salesman: Flowers, miss. (He holds it out to Hope) A gift for the child. Jackson: (senses Hayley's alarm) No, we're alright. Thank you! Flower salesman: You sure? (Hayley looks at the man suspiciously as he holds up the flower) Black dahlias are in bloom. They're quite lovely. (Hayley, now fully afraid, starts to walk past him, but the man grabs her tightly by the arm as both of his eyes turn pure white. Out of nowhere, Klaus appears and shoves the man against a light post as he puts him in a choke-hold) Klaus: (growls) Show yourself, witch. (Suddenly, Jackson is overwhelmed by an unknown force as the flower salesman's eyes return to normal. After a moment, Jackson's eyes become pure white, indicating that he's being temporarily possessed by Dahlia) Hayley: (startled) Klaus! (Klaus turns to find Jackson standing straight in front of them) Jackson/Dahlia: I am here. I am everywhere, and I intend to take what is mine. (Klaus scowls at him, while Hayley looks terrified) Klaus: (shocked) It's her. (Jackson groans as Dahlia leaves his body, and he looks completely confused when he sees Hayley and Klaus staring at him in shock and fear) Jackson: (concerned) Hey, what just happened? Klaus: (sighs) Dahlia. Season 2 Episode 18 Night Has a Thousand Eyes Original air date: 13 April, 2015 [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Hayley, Rebekah, Klaus, Freya, and Elijah are convening in the dining room to discuss what has just occurred) Klaus: (displeased) Isn't that the point of a fortress? It does a better job of protecting you when you stay within its walls? Hayley: (annoyed and embarrassed) OK! We get it. Now, let's just figure out what the hell we're gonna do. Klaus: (shouts) What I would like to do is take a strong leash... Elijah: (politely cuts him off) Children, please. Niklaus, your ire is justified. However, Hayley is quite right. (Hayley shrugs and gives Klaus a smug look) We need to find a new strategy. Freya, if you please... Freya: (sighs defeatedly) The spell you described, Dahlia calls it "kenning", using proxies to watch her enemies from afar. (Klaus looks at her, half-suspicious, half-curious, and Freya pauses, looking overwhelmed) But, I've never seen it done on quite this scale. Hayley: (sighs in frustration) Awesome. So, basically every hurricane-chugging, boob-flashing tourist on Bourbon Street is a potential spy. Freya: The good news is, I know a little about how her magic works. (She gestures at a tray she has set up that has a silver tea kettle and five tea cups full of brown liquid on saucers) This tonic will at least prevent her from using any of us. (Rebekah and Freya each reach for a cup) Rebekah: (looks at the others) Well, come on! This should work like a charm! (Elijah sits down at the table, and he and Hayley each grab a cup as well. However, Klaus remains standing where he is and doesn't move to join them) Rebekah: (raises her glass) Bottoms up! (The four of them drink their tonics, and Elijah holds out the fifth cup for Klaus, who simply stares at it) Elijah: (sighs in annoyance) Niklaus, is there something you wish to contribute? Klaus: (shrugs) I prefer biscuits with my tea. (Elijah rolls his eyes as he sets down Klaus' cup) Elijah: (mutters under his breath) Of course. Klaus: (ignores him) Besides, our minds are far too strong to be invde by kenning spells. (Elijah rolls his eyes again and sips his tonic) So what we experienced was a test. Dahlia is watching to see how we respond to aggression. She's preparing for battle. My guess is sooner, rather than later. Hayley: Well, if she was watching us, she would know that we have our own army. Elijah: She also knows where we are, and, given the immense nature of her power, we simply have no idea what to expect from her. What we need is to create a new stronghold, something that Dahlia knows nothing about, a sanctuary from any witchcraft. Freya: That's a fine strategy. I offer another. We could use Jackson to trace her magic back to its source, find out exactly where she is. (Everyone looks to Hayley, who considers this for a moment. She looks over at Klaus, who merely smiles and raises his eyebrows at her, before she sighs) Hayley: (reluctantly) Fine. Do it. Klaus: (pleased) Good! Then it's settled. Off you pop to your respective tasks! Me? I've always been of the opinion that the best defense is a good offense. So I'm gonna find a way to mrder that God-forsaken witch. (He smiles evilly) [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (A saddened Davina has arrived to where Kol/Kaleb Westphall was buried in the cemetery, where she leaves a bouquet of flowers at his tombstone before brushing the stone with her fingertips. Judging by the number of identical bouquets surrounding the tomb, Davina has been here often since his death. After a moment, Klaus appears behind her, and she senses his presence) Davina: (sighs in annoyance) What do you want, Klaus? Klaus: (smiles) Well, perhaps I'm merely concerned about you. You do seem to spend an inordinate amount of time in graveyards for a teenager. It's a rather morbid habit. Davina: (sarcastically) Well, I am touched by your concern. Anything else? Klaus: Now that you mention it, there is one matter with which I can use your help... Mikael. It appears my sister Freya has dispatched him to gather some items I require, and, seeing as how you brought him back from the dad, I'm guessing you have the means to find him. Davina: (turns toward him, unamused) Sorry. I'd love to help, but I'm busy mourning another dad boyfriend. (She's about to leave, but Klaus holds out a hand to stop her, and his demeanor becomes serious) Klaus: Do you think you're the only one who grieves my brother? (Davina sighs, knowing that he's right) I understand you hope to bring Kol back. Resurrection spells can be very tricky. They tend to require a remnant from the dearly departed. I, myself, am the guardian of Kol's remains, the ashes of his true body. (Davina looks interested) Now, I might be inclined to entrust them to you, were myself feeling helpful. Davina: Fine. I'll find Mikael for you, and you'll give me Kol's ashes. Deal? (Klaus smiles at her) [ AIDEN'S APARTMENT ] (Josh and Aiden are shirtless and laying in bed together, holding each other's hands) Aiden: We should probably get up now. Josh: Yeah. Yeah, definitely, 100%. Aiden: (turns toward him) So it's settled, then, huh? Josh: I'm basically already out the door... Aiden: (laughs) Oh, yeah? Josh: (smiles) Or we could stay in bed all day long... Aiden: Ooh. Josh: You know, with some Netflix, Chinese food, probably some other stuff. Aiden: Mm... (They both start to laugh when Aiden's phone begins to buzz, interrupting their conversation. When Aiden sees the caller ID, he sits up) Aiden: (groans) Oh, I should probably, uh, get this. It's Jackson. Josh: (slightly suspicious) Yeah. Yeah. No. I got it. Wolf business. (He gets out of bed) I'm gonna grab a shower. (Once Josh has shut himself in the bathroom, Aiden answers the phone. It's Klaus, who is still in the cemetery with Davina. While Aiden talks to Klaus, he starts to get dressed) Aiden: (whispers) Yeah? Klaus (on phone): (brightly) Aiden! It seems your big, bad Alpha has been compromised. Aiden: (shocked) What? What happened? Klaus: Relax! Jackson is fine. He's just offered proof of his general inadequacy. I can't trust him to guard Hope. So, while my hands are full, I need you to serve as my eyes and ears. Get to the compound. Report back anything I should know, especially where my daughter is concerned. Aiden: (anxiously) Yeah. Um, sure thing. I'm on my way. Klaus: Good lad. (Aiden hangs up on him, looking conflicted) [ MIKAELSON MANSION ] (Hayley comes into hers and Jackson's bedroom with a cup of Freya's tonic for Jackson, who is sitting at the end of the bed, looking stressed and guilty. She walks toward him and sits next to him) Hayley: Hey, you OK? Jackson: (unhappy) That witch got in my head. I could have hurt you, hurt the baby. Hayley: (hands him the tea cup) Here. Drink this. Freya said it will keep her from getting in again. Jackson: (drinks the tonic) I could feel her, Hayley. Dahlia, she is nothing but darkness. I say we take Hope and the pack and we leave town. Tonight. Hayley: (confused) We can't just run from our home, Jack. Jackson: You and hope are my home, and running isn't a sign of weakness. It's what wolves do. I know every inch of that bayou. Out there, we're the predator. We can keep her safe. At the very least, it will buy us some time to figure out how to get rid of Dahlia for good. Hayley: What about Klaus? Elijah? Rebekah? They're Hope's family. Jackson: (rubs his face in frustration and stands up) You know who else is part of that family? Dahlia! (Hayley sighs, understanding his point. Jackson looks as though he feels bad for his outburst, and his tone becomes gentler) Look. I don't back away from a fight, ok, but this one started 1,000 years ago. It's not our wr... and it certainly ain't your daughter's. (Hayley sighs and considers this idea for a moment) [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] (Klaus walks down the street to meet Davina, who is waiting impatiently for him on a bench) Davina: So, what's the deal, anyway? Aiden at your beck and call now? Klaus: (sits down next to her) I'm simply mentoring a promising young wolf. Davina: Josh isn't gonna be too happy when he finds out about it. Klaus: (rolls his eyes) And I am shaking in my boots at the mere thought of his displeasure. You see, Davina, Josh and Aiden are in love, which means they both have something to lose, thus making them all too easily manipulated, should the need arise. (Davina looks at him for a moment and frowns. Klaus notices this and looks at her in confusion) Davina: (deadpans) It must really suck to have to be you all the time. Klaus: (shrugs, mildly offended) Well, it hasn't been a picnic, honestly. Davina: (sighs) You know, the thing is, you have that thing, too, don't you? (Klaus sighs and smiles at her mockingly) Someone you love more than anything, even yourself. (Klaus' smile falls at the mention of Hope) How does that feel, to be one of us? Someone with something to lose? (Before Klaus can respond, Davina spots a cab pulling up to the curb and gestures toward it) Davina: Klaus, there. (The back door of the cab opens, and Mikael steps out onto the street, where Klaus appears behind him. When Mikael senses his presence, he turns to face him) Mikael: Well, well, well, well, if it isn't the bastard himself. Have you come looking for another beating, boy? Klaus: (unimpressed) As much as I'd love to kll you again, I wonder if our interests might be better served by joining forces. You know full well the thrat we face... so, how about it, Father? Care to join your bastard son on a witch-hunt? (Mikael smiles, clearly intrigued) [ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ] (Marcel, Elijah, and Josephine are standing in the middle of the St. James Infirmary club, which looks as though it's in the middle of renovation. Josephine smiles as she looks around) Josephine: Oh, this was quite the place back in my day, St. James infirmary... Vulgar, filthy, loud, some of the best nights of my life, but I assume you didn't go through all this trouble on my account. Marcel: As you know, for years, this place served as neutral grounds for both our communities. A place where all were welcome and safe. Elijah: And, in keeping with that tradition, we'd like to invite you to cast a spell. One that would prevent the use of magic within these walls. Josephine: (appalled) You'd ask me to create a place where my kind would be utterly helpless? Elijah: (smiles politely) My dear Josephine, powerful as you are, surely you must have sensed this grave new thrat? Josephine: (nods) And I am not without empathy, but I have a responsibility to the witches. This is not our fight. Elijah: (displeased) Well, then, I do hope you understand that anyone willing to stand aside and allow my family to be thrat... I would be forced to consider an enemy. Josephine: (gives him a hard look) As I said, Elijah, I am not without empathy. (She looks around the building) Perhaps a traditional blessing to dispel unwanted spirits? A barrier against those who mean to do us harm? (Elijah smiles approvingly, and Josephine thinks about it for a moment before nodding) Yes, a blessing combined with a disruption spell should do the trick. (Elijah seems happy with this compromise) [ RUE ST. LOUIS RESTAURANT ] (Klaus and Mikael are sitting across from each other at a small table in a restaurant, where Klaus is openly gripping the indestructible white oak stake in his hand on top of the table. A waitress comes to take their order and looks at the stake curiously) Waitress: You want some fries with that stake? (Klaus laughs in amusement, but Mikael remains stone-faced) I bought one of my own at Marie Laveau's voodoo shop. Klaus: I'll have a bourbon, please, sweetheart. (The waitress turns to Mikael for his order, and he just sighs in annoyance) Mikael: (growls) Nothing. Leave us. (The waitress gives Klaus a confused look and reluctantly leaves them to talk) Mikael: I despise this city. Klaus: Cut to the chase, shall we? Your precious Freya told me she sent you off to procure certain items that will expedite the death of your sister-in-law. May I assume you completed your task? Mikael: There are 3 elements total. Combined, they represent Dahlia's sole weakness. (Klaus seems intrigued) If you'd like to try and take them, by all means, have at it. Klaus: Your mind always drifts to volence, doesn't it, even when you're so clearly outmatched. What was it you tried teaching us? Ah, yes, (Klaus mocks Mikael) .. "The true Viking warrior hones his fear like a blade!" Mikael: (annoyed) Did you come here to critique my parenting skills or to whine about how little you were loved? You were weak before, but you are weaker still. Klaus: (holds up the stake) If you truly thought me weak, you would snatch this wapon from my hand, but you don't because you know better. (Mikael looks angry, but doesn't move, confirming Klaus' suspicions) I suggest we focus on our common enemy. Rather than bringing your materials to Freya, drawing her into a fight she may not survive, why not join me? If we win, both our daughters will be free. If we lose, (Klaus smiles) .. well, at least you'll die knowing the bastard finally got his due. (Mikael sighs, but seems to be considering Klaus' offer) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Jackson is laying on the table, where Freya is drawing an infinity symbol on his bare chest using the brned end of a sage smudge-stick. Hayley and Rebekah watch worriedly as she works) Freya: By doing this, we should be able to trace Dahlia's signature all the way back to the source of her power, but I'll need to dig deep. (She looks up at Rebekah) Rebekah, if I may channel you... (Rebekah looks uneasy, but she nods in agreement. Hayley looks down at Jackson in concern) Hayley: Are you sure you're OK with this? Jackson: (laughs nervously) Piece of cake! (Hayley sighs and looks over at the girls. Rebekah takes Freya's hands in hers and holds them over Jackson's body as they both begin chanting the spell) Freya & Rebekah: Inveniere potencia reparon. Inveniere potencia reparon. (As the girls chant, Jackson's back arches painfully as he groans, clearly in agony. After a moment, Rebekah looks up at Freya and sees a vision of Dahlia standing behind her, holding her hand on Freya's shoulder. Startled, Rebekah immediately lets go, though Freya assumes she did so because of Jackson's pain, and she stares at her hands in fright) Freya: (gently) Rebekah... we need to continue. Rebekah: (shocked) I... (Hayley looks concerned as her eyes move from Freya to Rebekah in confusion) Hayley: What is it? Rebekah: (looks at Freya, appalled) Uh, you. You're the reason Dahlia is able to cast such powerful spells. (Freya looks alarmed and begins shaking her head in disagreement, but Rebekah continues on) She's channeling you! (Hayley looks at Freya, clearly feeling betrayed, but Freya appears as though this revelation is news to her) Hayley: This whole time, you've been helping her! Freya: (shakes her head, obviously upset) I had no idea! (She begins to pace anxiously) She must have found me. (She starts to walk toward Rebekah) She wants to turn you against me! Hayley: (shoves her backward) Get away from my husband! Rebekah: (breaks them apart) Stop! (She puts a comforting hand on Freya's shoulder) Freya, I want to trust you, I do, but... you said it yourself... you're bonded to Dahlia. I'm sorry, but it's better that you go. Please. (Freya looks hurt, but she doesn't fight them on it, she simply turns and leaves the compound) [ RUE ST. LOUIS BAR & RESTAURANT ] (Klaus and Mikael continue to discuss the Dahlia situation over bourbon) Klaus: (smiles) Father and son, working together. (Mikael lifts the bourbon to sip it, but when he sniffs the liquor, he grimaces and puts the glass down without drinking it) I admit, I never thought I'd live to see the day, and that's something, coming from me. Mikael: (unamused) And what makes you think I need your help? Others may tremble at the mere mention of your name, but I know you for what you truly are... a little boy desperate for a daddy. Klaus: 1,000 years ago, perhaps, but I think we can both agree the intervening centuries have turned me into an altogether different beast. Your cruelty made sure of that, and I am vicious and hateful just like you. It's precisely those qualities that make us uniquely suited for mrder that witch. Mikael: (unconvinced) And why would I trust you? Klaus: Because my daughter's life depends on it! And you love yours, as I love mine. You see, we're fighting for the same thing, you and I, to save the lives of the only ones who do not see us for the monsters that we truly are. Mikael: (surprised by this answer) All right, Niklaus. Tell me what you propose. Klaus: (quietly) You have the means to make the wapon we need. All that remains is to go for the kll. (Before Mikael can respond, he sees their waitress, whose eyes have turned pure white, standing outside the window next to their table. She raises her hand toward them and uses magic to break the glass, forcing Mikael and Klaus to quickly dive out of the way to avoid the blast. Once the explsin is over, the waitress' eyes return to normal, and she walks away in confusion. Mikael and Klaus look at each other warily) Mikael: It would appear Dahlia shares that sentiment. (Mikael turns to leave, but Klaus grabs him by the arm and swings him around to face him) Klaus: One final hunt together, then? (Mikael rolls his eyes) Do try to keep up, old man. (Mikael turns around again to leave the restaurant, and Klaus smirks as he follows him out the door) [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] (A shaken Freya is walking down the streets of the Quarter when suddenly, all of the locals and tourists milling around stop in their tracks and turn toward her, watching her make her way down the street. Freya becomes unnerved and slows down, and as she looks around, she spots a young woman whose eyes have turned white, indicating that Dahlia is watching her) Freya: (alarmed) No. (She turns around and starts to run away) No! (Before she can go anywhere, Dahlia appears in front of her, blocking her way) Dahlia: There you are, after all these centuries. Hello, my Freya. (Freya looks afraid beyond all measure) Freya: Dahlia... (After the break, Dahlia raises a hand as Freya watches her fearfully, afraid of what she's planning on doing to her. However, when she waves her hand, the rest of the townspeople simply return to what they were doing) Dahlia: Hmm, how convenient that I find you here, mere footsteps from that which is owed to me. (Freya continues to stand frozen in terror as Dahlia circles around her in a predatory manner) Let me guess. Did you make a promise to your wretched siblings... "Together we'll fight the wicked witch, side-by-side?" (She laughs in amusement) Ha ha! Tell me, darling, how did they respond to your overtures? Did they welcome you with open arms and weep tears of joy at your miraculous return? Hmm? Freya: (near tears) What are you going to do to me? Dahlia: You always were a selfish, ungrateful child. For centuries, I fed you, clothed you, and cared for you, granted you powers beyond anything you could have ever dreamed, and still, you yearn for more, always wishing for another life, never satisfied. (Dahlia thrusts her hand toward Freya and clenches it into a fist, magically causing Freya to grab her head in agony and double over) Freya: (whimpers) Aah! (She falls to her knees and cries out in pain) Dahlia: Soon enough, you will beg for me to bring you back into my home. (She laughs dramatically and raises her fist, putting Freya in a telekinetic choke-hold and forcing her to stand up with her magic) After all, once I am done with these poor souls, I will be the only family you have left. (She opens her hand, releasing Freya from her hold. Freya gasps for breath as Dahlia sneers at her) Dahlia: You should know better than to defy me, a lesson your father and brother will learn shortly. (Dahlia walks past her, and Freya turns and watches her leave, fearful for what is coming next) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Elijah has finally arrived home after helping Josephine and Marcel create the new safe house, and he is very unhappy to find that Freya has left) Elijah: What do you mean "Freya's gone?" Hayley: She was a risk. Elijah: (cuts her off) She's also the one person who intimately understands the enemy we now face! Rebekah: (interrupts them) Both of you, just stop it. Hayley: (talks over her) I was protecting Hope from someone who it's obvious none of us completely trust. Elijah: (frustrated) Correct, we've done nothing but doubt Freya. (He looks at Rebekah) Nevertheless, she kept her promise, and she saved your life. (Rebekah looks guilty) We certainly haven't demonstrated the same kindness towards her. Rebekah: (rolls her eyes, knowing Elijah is right) So, what the bloody hell do we do now? Elijah: There's a jazz club in Algiers by the name of the St. James infirmary. Marcel has acquired it, and Josephine is fortifying it as a sanctuary against magic. (Elijah turns to Hayley) Pack your things. Marcel will escort you and Hope there tonight at 9:00. (Hayley rolls her eyes, clearly not a fan of this plan. Elijah then points to Rebekah) You, wait with me. Rebekah: (confused) What for? Elijah: If Freya shall return, we will be here. Now, whether we trust her or not, we cannot win this fight without her. (Elijah leaves the room, and Rebekah looks over at Hayley, who is frowning unhappily) [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] (Davina and Klaus are in a secluded alley, where Davina is setting up for a spell by pouring salt onto the cement in the shape of magical sigils)' Davina: (sighs) This is it, one last favor, and if you don't give me his ashes, I swear I will... Klaus: (interrupts her) Davina, whatever you may think of me, I am a man of my word. (Suddenly, Mikael appears in the alley and walks toward them. Davina looks confused when she sees him and stands to her feet as she stares at him warily) Mikael: Actually, he's a liar, a beast, and a degenerate, but in this exceptional instance, he may be of some use. Klaus: (sighs) Oh good, you're back. Mikael: Dahlia's minion remains within St. Anne's Church. Klaus: Clearly, it's a trap. Mikael: (exasperated) Of course it's a trap, and how good is it that we bring surprises of our own? (Mikael and Klaus smirk at each other, and Davina becomes even more confused) Davina: (incredulously) Wait. So you two are friends now? Klaus: Absolutely not! We merely aligned out of necessity for the purpose we both enjoy the most... glorious mrder. (Davina rolls her eyes) In fact, you'll be helping. Davina: You said you needed a binding spell. Mikael: And here, my lovely little witch, is what you will bind! (He pulls two full leather pouches and a bottle of blood out of his pockets and hands them to her one at a time) Soil from Dahlia's homeland, that which links her to this mortal coil; Along with viking ash, that of her oppressors, the source of her immense hatred; And finally, blood of her adopted child, my beloved daughter Freya... The closest thing to love that miserable witch has ever known. (Davina sets all three items in one of the small circles she has made out of salt and examines them for a moment) Davina: All the sources of her power bound together create a weakness. So, what do you want me to do? Klaus: Simple: bind those ingredients to a wapon. Davina: (sarcastically raises her eyebrows at Klaus) Well, am I supposed to go to the toy store and get a slingshot? Mikael: (hands her one of his own knives) Use this. Klaus: (rolls his eyes) You just wouldn't be you if you didn't have a Knfe, would you? Mikael: Well, perhaps you can steal it later and dull it's blade with your "art". (Klaus chuckles good-naturedly and approaches Davina) Klaus: Do us this favor, help us end this evil witch's reign, and I will live up to my end of our bargain. I swear it on my daughter's life. Davina: (hesitates for a moment) I hope you know what you're doing. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (The werewolf guards are all milling around the courtyard of the compound when Freya finally returns to see her siblings. The guards all start to surround her thrat and block her way, but after a moment, Rebekah appears) Freya: I need to see Elijah. Rebekah: (to the guards) Let her through! Werewolf guard: (under her breath) Is she serious? Rebekah: (to Freya) I'm actually glad you're here. (Elijah, having heard his sister's arrival, joins them in the courtyard) Elijah: Freya. Freya: (shaken) I saw her... Dahlia. She intends to make her move tonight. Klaus and our father will be her next victims. Elijah: (frowns anxiously) And you have returned to warn the very people who would cast you out? (Elijah gives Rebekah a sharp look, and she blushes in embarrassment) Freya: (in tears) I understand Klaus' mistrust, as I do yours, but I did not come this far to see my family die at the hands of the very evil that I've tried for so long to escape. I'm begging you, help me save them. Elijah: Tell me what you need. Freya: Dahlia will lure them into a trap. She prefers places of darkness. She'll be drawn to any site that's been steeped in death. Rebekah: (rolls her eyes sarcastically) Well, welcome to New Orleans. Freya: Oh, no. I'm talking about dark power created by mssacre, sacred ground that's been stained in the blood of the innocent. [ ST. ANNE'S CATHOLIC CHURCH ] (Mikael and Klaus both open the front doors to the church and slowly walk inside, taking note of their surroundings as they walk down the aisle) Klaus: (raises his voice) Well? What are you waiting for, you crone? (Mikael and Klaus continue to look around, and Mikael tightly grips the Knfe that Davina enchanted with Dahlia's weaknesses. Suddenly, Klaus and Mikael hear Dahlia's voice calling out to them as she appears at the sacristy) Dahlia: Now that you've arrived, not a thing! (She sees Mikael gripping his blade and curiously tilts her head slightly to the side before she holds up both of her hands to summon dozens of humans who she has magically coerced into invading the church) Dahlia: (smiles) Let us begin. (Mikael and Klaus look around at the large crowd of people surrounding them, and Mikael chuckles as he looks over at his step-son) Mikael: (to Klaus) We are well-met. So be it. Are you ready? Klaus: (smirks) I was born ready. (Klaus and Mikael suddenly vamp-out and begin to lunge for Dahlia's minions. As they fight, Mikael and Klaus are able to snap the necks of many of them, and toss others across the room. They seem to have the upper-hand at first, but after a moment Dahlia raises her hands and thrusts them toward the crowd, which not only allows her to use her magic through them. After Klaus and Mikael take out another several humans, one of the women raises her hand into a fist and gives Klaus a mystical migraine. Shortly afterward, another magically-enhanced human does the same to Mikael, temporarily incapacitating them both. Once the spell is released, Klaus and Mikael pant for breath on their knees, and Dahlia smiles patronizingly) Dahlia: Ah! Agh... I should have warned you! My acolytes are rather formidable. (Klaus and Mikael grunt in pain as they force themselves up on their feet to face her) I gifted them with a fraction of my own power... (The minion who gave Klaus the mystic migraine thrusts her hand forward again and telekinetically throws Mikael across the room, where he lands on top of a pew and breaks it into pieces. Klaus glares at Dahlia angrily) Dahlia: .. to help level the playing field. (Klaus furiously lunges for Dahlia, but the female minion telekinetically throws Klaus so high that he smashes through the railing of the balcony before falling forward and landing in the aisle below) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Jackson is in his and Hayley's bedroom, where he is sitting on the end of the bed and looking through the map of the Bayou he's drawn inside his leather-bound journal. After a moment, Aiden arrives and leans in the doorway as he knocks on the door) Jackson: Hey, come on in and shut the door. (Aiden does as he's told before joining Jackson inside the room) Jackson: You're my right hand, Aiden. You've always been loyal, brave. I want you to know, I don't take that for granted. That's why you're the only one I can trust with this. (Aiden looks both confused and worried at this admission) I need to get Hayley and hope the hell out of here tonight. Aiden: (incredulously) Right under Klaus' roof? He's gonna kll you. Jackson: (laughs bitterly) Klaus will kll me for leaving dishes in the sink. It's all the more reason to run. Aiden: I'm not joking! Klaus will find out. He has his ways; you know that. Jackson: I got a route mapped out through side streets and back roads. Between Dahlia's spying and Klaus' ways, we need to get out of here fast. I need you to get a car and meet us at the service entrance at 8:45. I mean exactly 8:45. Marcel's coming for us at 9:00. Aiden: (sighs) Yeah, of course. I'll be there. (Jackson pats him affectionately on the shoulder and walks past him toward the door. Before he leaves, he turns back to Aiden) Jackson: I don't know how long I'll be away. Wolves are gonna need a leader. You up for it? (Aiden nods anxiously, but doesn't say a word) [ ST. ANNE'S CATHOLIC CHURCH ] (Mikael, who is still laying awkwardly on the remnants of the smashed pew, has lost his Knfe, which is laying several feet away on the floor. He and Klaus, who landed several feet away, pull themselves up on their hands and knees and nod at each other encouragingly before they get to their feet and get back into the fight. They start snapping more necks of Dahlia's minions and feed on several more to give them additional strength, and despite Dahlia's magical enhancements, the two men eventually gain the upper-hand again. As they fight violently against the humans, Mikael and Klaus growl loudly as a sort of wr cry) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Aiden is leaning against one of the support beams in the courtyard, visibly anxious, as he thinks about his current dilemma. Eventually, Josh arrives and joins him, looking apologetic) Aiden: Josh, hey! Josh: Hey, look. Before you say anything, I'm sorry I lied to you about my sketchy phone call with Klaus this morning. I'm a jerk. (Aiden looks confused for a moment before he realizes what Josh is talking about and sighs) Josh: (sarcastically) Wait, my bad! I accidentally did your side of the conversation. Let's start over! You go. Aiden: You heard the phone call. Josh: Uh, yeah. (Josh points to his ear) Vamp-hearing, dude. You can turn it on and off, but I'm nosy, particularly when my boyfriend is conducting secret business with the guy who, you know, mrder me on my spring break. Aiden: (guilty) I just didn't want you to get involved, OK? Josh: (frowns) Involved in what? (Aiden tries to play it cool and pats Josh affectionately on the shoulders) Aiden: It's nothing. I've got it all taken care of. (He smiles and turns to walk away, but Josh grabs him by the arm and turns him around to face him) Aiden: Whoa. Josh: Hey, wait a minute. What is going on? Aiden: (awkwardly) No, I just... Josh: Please. Aiden: (sighs, looking anxious) I don't know what to do. Jackson's got this big escape plan with Hayley and the baby tonight, and if I don't tell Klaus, then he'll... Josh: Cut your head off with a dull butter-Knfe? Aiden: (nods) But Jackson's been looking out for me since we were kids. I can't just sab him in the back. Josh: (worriedly) I don't know if you have a choice. Aiden: He's part of my pack! You don't know what that's like. Josh: You don't have to be a Crescent wolf to love your friends. (Aiden nods and gulps nervously) Look, it's fine, we're gonna... We're gonna figure this out, OK? (Aiden nods again and sighs. Josh grabs his hands and squeezes them comfortingly) [ ST. ANNE'S CATHOLIC CHURCH ] (Mikael and Klaus are still fighting violently against Dahlia's minions, and have klled or seriously injured the majority of them) Mikael: (growls) RAWR! Klaus: (roars) ARGH! (They finally finish off the last of the minions and look at each other triumphantly. They walk toward the altar, where Dahlia is dramatically slow-clapping for them) Dahlia: Quite the operatic performance... (She smiles at them) .. though that is the thing with these grand tragedies. (Mikael grabs his blade from his jacket and grips it tightly in his hand) In the end, all the heroes... (She thrusts out her hand and clenches it in a fist) .. die. (Klaus and Mikael both groan as all of their muscles tense up, as though they're trying to resist being pulled forward by her. Mikael is unable to continue gripping the Knfe, which falls onto the floor several feet in front of them, and they both fall to their knees as their faces start to turn gray and desiccate) Mikael: Uh! Nngh! Klaus: D'agh! Rrgh! Uh! [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Jackson, who is wearing a jacket and appears to be ready to leave, comes into his and Hayley's bedroom) Jackson: Hayley? (Hayley comes out from inside the nursery with Hope in her arms. They're both dressed for cold weather, with Hayley in a warm coat and scarf, and Hope bundled up in a knit hat and warm sweater. Hayley has a large bag packed full of their things over her shoulder, and Hope looks as though she's scared and whimpers, almost near tears) Hayley: Klaus and Elijah are the oldest, most powerful vampires in the world, and Dahlia's got them scared. If she takes them down, I don't want Hope to be around to see what happens next. (Jackson looks at her sympathetically as he walks over and gently caresses Hope's head to soothe her) Hayley: Do you really think that this is the best plan to protect her? Jackson: (nods) I really do. (Hayley stares at Jackson before the two of them leave the room with Hope in tow) [ ST. ANNE'S CATHOLIC CHURCH ] (Klaus and Mikael have been weakened by Dahlia's desiccation spell, and are desperately crawling toward her on the floor in the aisle) Dahlia: (impressed) You struggle with such passion. All in defense of the ones you love... (Klaus sees the enchanted Knfe ahead of him and tries his best to get close enough to reach it) Dahlia: .. an honorable quality... (She starts to walk slowly toward them) .. one I had not anticipated, given the reputation which precedes you. (Klaus finally reaches the Knfe and grabs it in his hand, as Mikael struggles to keep up with him) Dahlia: Still... a bit too little... too late. (Klaus stands up and is about to lunge for her when Dahlia waves her hand, causing Klaus to be thrown backwards, knocking him unconscious and causing him to drop the Knfe. Dahlia looks at Mikael and sneers) Dahlia: And you... (Mikael struggles to get onto his knees as Dahlia walks in front of him) .. husband of my sister, you I would like to make suffer. (She cups her hand and pushes it toward Mikael, which allows her to choke him with her telekinesis, causing Mikael to gasp for breath. He becomes even more desiccated until Freya suddenly arrives and yells at her aunt) Freya: Enough! (Dahlia is so surprised to see Freya that she releases Mikael so she can focus on her niece) Dahlia: My Freya... (Mikael picks up a broken piece of wood and wields it like a wapon as Dahlia walks toward Freya) .. you do realize that this so-called family of yours is simply using you for your power? Freya: (furious) No. You're the one that used me for a 1,000 years! (Dahlia sighs in frustration) No more! Dahlia: (enraged) So be it! (She puts Freya in a telekinetic choke-hold and lifts her high into the air as Freya desperately clutches her throat. Mikael furiously lunges for Dahlia) Mikael: (furious) No! (He tackles her and sab her in the abdomen with the piece of wood, which distracts her enough to let go of Freya) Mikael: Uh! Stay away from my daughter! (While they're all occupied, Elijah sneaks into the church and bites his wrist so he can feed Klaus his blood and revive him. Dahlia telekinetically throws Mikael across the room and pulls out the stake he sab her with as Klaus feeds on Elijah, renewing his strength) Dahlia: (enraged) Don't you know I'm too powerful to kll? (She throws the stake aside and stands to face Mikael, who is leaning against one of the nearby pews for support. Elijah vamp-speeds toward Dahlia, but instantly gets thrown backward by her and lands in the aisle behind Klaus. Klaus picks up the enchanted blade and rises to his feet, and the two glare at each other before Klaus vamp-speeds toward her, jumping up in the air so he can dodge her telekinetic blast. However, before he makes contact with her, Dahlia completely vanishes, and Klaus crashes into the sacristy. As he picks himself up, he digs through the pile of broken wood and is completely alarmed when he cannot find the enchanted Knfe. He stands and looks backward at Elijah, both of whom look as though they're terrified by what just occurred. Mikael and Freya are still gasping on the floor, but Dahlia is nowhere to be seen) [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Marcel, Josh and several other vampires have just arrived to the compound, and he immediately walks into Jackson and Hayley's room after knocking on the door frame) Marcel: You ready? (Marcel and Josh both look concerned when they find the room empty, and when Marcel walks into the nursery, he sees that Hope is no longer in her crib either. They all split up and search the house, which is completely empty of people aside from themselves, and Marcel finds the service entrance doors wide open. They all regroup after they've check out the entire compound) Marcel: Any sign of 'em? (Josh, looking concerned, shakes his head in the negatory) Something's wrong. Fan out. Find 'em now. (The vampires do as they're told, and everyone splits up again to search for them. Outside in a back alley, Hayley, Jackson, and Hope are waiting for Aiden to come pick them up. Hope is still making whining noises as Jackson anxiously rubs his hands together for warmth) Jackson: (sighs) He should be here by now. Something must have happened. (Elsewhere, Aiden is waiting in the driver's seat of a parked Jeep, and is anxiously rubbing at his face as he contemplates what he should do. He checks the clock on his phone, which reads 8:52 PM/20:52. After a moment, he becomes frustrated and angrily punches the steering wheel of the car) (In the alley, Hope has gn to cry, and Jackson is helping Hayley wrap a blanket around the two of them to warm her up. After a moment, Marcel vamp-speeds toward them and looks at them suspiciously) Marcel: Everything OK? (Jackson looks alarmed, but Hayley simply gives him a look and plays it cool) Hayley: Took you long enough. Are we going to Algiers or what? Marcel: Right now, that club is the safest place in town. (Hayley and Jackson walk past him to leave, but Marcel continues to stare at them suspiciously as they walk away) [ ST. ANNE'S CATHOLIC CHURCH ] (Freya is tending to Mikael, while Klaus and Elijah pace around them in the aisle of the church. Suddenly, Dahlia reappears behind them, startling them all and causing them to turn to face her) Dahlia: We all have weaknesses. (She disappears again, and appears behind them) You came here united hoping to exploit mine, and in doing so, you lost the one thing that you could have used against me... (She holds up the Knfe Davina enchanted) .. the wapon you created, now rendered useless. (Dahlia drops the Knfe into the basin used for holy water, which causes the Knfe to burst into flames as it is destroyed. Freya is distraught and lunges toward her) Freya: No! (Klaus looks devastated, and Elijah looks terrified as Dahlia waves her hands and put out the flames) Dahlia: (sighs in boredom) Now that we've dispensed with that little trinket, perhaps we can focus on the issue at hand? After all, I seek only that which is owed to me, nothing more. Give me the child, and you all may live. Deny me, and, well... you've had a taste of my power. I can't imagine you hunger for more. (Once again, Dahlia vanishes, as though she's teleported away, leaving the rest of the Mikaelsons in various stages of fear and anger) [ BYWATER TAVERN ] (Josh is sitting at the bar when Aiden arrives and joins him) Aiden: I told him it was traffic. Jacks was furious, but he bought it. (Josh smiles sympathetically) So, I guess I live another day. Josh: (hands him a beer) Yeah? So, how about tomorrow? Aiden: How could I be so stupid? The moment Klaus looked at me, I should have run in the opposite direction! Josh, I'm so sorry about all of this. Josh: Yeah. Me too... (He rolls his eyes sarcastically) .. I mean, mainly because if Klaus hurts you, I'm gonna have to seek vengeance - psycho-ninja-style - and I think we both know how that's gonna go. (Aiden rolls his eyes and chuckles bitterly before drinking his beer. Josh looks at him and smiles) Josh: Hey... (Aiden looks him in the eyes) This isn't your fault, no more than it was mine for getting my neck snapped in some crappy dive bar. This is what Klaus does. Aiden: (whispers) Yeah. Josh: (squeezes Aiden's arm) Aiden, I've kind of been on my own my whole life, and then suddenly, everything was different because of you. (Aiden smiles weakly at him) You are my pack... You and Marcel and Davina, and, yeah, I'd die for you because I don't think I can go back to how it was before. Aiden: (touched by Josh's words) Look, we're gonna figure this out... together. [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus is drinking a scotch at the bar room as Elijah, Rebekah, Mikael, and Freya walk in to join him) Rebekah: Well, that sounds like a bloody fiasco. Where's Dahlia now? Elijah: (defeatedly) She could be anywhere. There wasn't a trace of her left in the church. Freya: (bitterly) She's done with us for the night. No doubt, she wants us to take some time to wallow in our defeat. Klaus: (drinks his scotch) Defeat? I disagree. We saw her face. We took her measure. If that's the best she's got, quite frankly, I'm unimpressed. Mikael: Her aim was not to impress us. She wanted us to reveal our sole wapon, and, like fools, we did. Rebekah: (incredulously) Am I hearing things, or did Nik just exchange words with our father? Mikael: (smiles) Rebekah. I'd know that wicked tongue anywhere. What mischief have you gotten yourself into now? No doubt the bastard's doing. Klaus: (growls) Enough. My patience, like this farce of a reunion, is at an end. Elijah: (scowls and walks toward Mikael) Agreed. There only is one question here: What exactly are we doing? Freya: (furious) This was not my plan! You rushed it and made but a single wapon! Of course she took it from you, and now we've lost what advantage we had and used up the very materials we needed to kll her. Klaus: It's a bit histrionic. Your materials are easily found. Let's take stock, shall we? (He points at her) There's an ample supply of your blood. Norwegian soil is hardly scarce. What else? Ah, yes... the ashes of Dahlia's viking oppressors. Mikael: (annoyed) Only priceless relics gotten with great difficulty at a museum, lost due to your worthless strategies. (Klaus angrily vamp-speeds over to Mikael, pinning him to the wall and shoving the tip of the indestructible white oak stake into his chest. Mikael doesn't move or fight back, he simply stares at Klaus as Freya lunges toward Klaus and is held back by Elijah) Freya: Uh! Uhno! Klaus: If I feel even the faintest touch of your magic, Freya, I will end him with a flick of my wrist! (Klaus addresses Mikael) You don't seem surprised. Mikael: (gasps as the stake brushes his heart) Betrayal is in your nature, boy. Klaus: No. I wasn't born like this. Her you fight for... Lovely Freya, the daughter you barely know... yet there was a time when you knew me as your son, a time before all the disappointments, the revelations of betrayal. (Klaus' voice shakes, and tears begin to fill his eyes) There were moments when all you had to do was be my father, and even then, you despised me, didn't you? (He begins to cry) I want to know why. Mikael: (softly, and without malice) I don't know. I just... did. (Klaus is overwhelmed by this admission, and he and Mikael stare each other in the eyes for a long moment. Elijah is still holding Freya back, but all three of them seem surprised by this uncharacteristic vulnerability from Mikael. Finally, Klaus forces himself to stop crying and glares at Mikael hatefully) Klaus: Are those your final words? Mikael: (hesitates for a moment and stares at Freya) Freya... I'm so sorry. I love you. (Klaus is so enraged by this tenderness toward Freya that he plunges the stake into Mikael's heart) Mikael: (in agony) Ahh! Freya: (screams and cries) No! (Elijah continues to hold Freya back, but neither he nor Rebekah seem happy to see Mikael k*lled. Klaus backs away, looking conflicted as he watches Mikael reach out for them before falling to his knees and keeling over. After his body has fully desiccated, it goes up in flames as Freya continues to sob uncontrollably) Freya: No! Ugh! (Klaus turns to Freya and feigns as though he's not upset) Klaus: Viking ash is indeed rare... but all you really need is a burning viking corpse. (Klaus leaves the room without another word, and Elijah has to struggle to hold Freya back and keep her from attacking him as he leaves. Freya is completely devastated, and Rebekah and Elijah both stare at Klaus unhappily as he leaves, stunned speechless as they take one last look at Mikael's burning corpse) [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] (Josephine is walking down the street past the Mikaelson compound when she suddenly sees a violin player with her back turned toward her. She listens to the woman play for a long moment and smiles) Josephine: (touched) Your technique is exquisite. (The violinist turns around, revealing that she is, in fact, Dahlia) Dahlia: (smiles) Do you play? Josephine: (looks sadly at her swollen hands and laughs bitterly) Ha! No. Uh-uh, not in some time. Dahlia: (takes Josephine's hands in her own) Allow me to help you change that. (She bends over and blows on Josephine's hands, and after a moment, Josephine flexes her fingers and marvels at the fact that she's healed) Josephine: (cries in joy and examines her hands before looking at Dahlia) Uh... ha ha! Ha ha! Dahlia, I assume? Dahlia: (smiles and bows) Indeed. Now if you'll beg my pardon, Madam, I must use you to send a message to all those who would side against me. Josephine: (nods in defeated understanding) I suppose there's no promises an old witch could make to another? Dahlia: (smiles sympathetically) Sadly, my dear, there's nothing you can do for me that I cannot do for myself. (Josephine gulps nervously and nods again before gesturing toward Dahlia's violin) Josephine: May I, then... One last tune? (Dahlia smiles and hands Josephine the violin. She dramatically holds it up and begins to play an upbeat melody for a moment, relishing in the fact that she is playing for the first time in decades. However, after a moment, Dahlia shushes her, and she stops playing, looking as though she's in a daze. Dahlia takes the bow from her and uses it to slit Josephine's throat. Dahlia then walks away with the bow in hand, leaving Josephine to bleed to death in the street with the violin at her side) [ END ]	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "02x18 - Night Has a Thousand Eyes"}	foreverdreaming
[ Flashback: Southern France, 1002 A.D. ] Klaus (V.O.): In the beginning, we were so naive. Our mother had made us into beasts that fed on blood, but immortality was beyond our grasp, compulsion a trick we had yet to learn. Klaus (V.O.): All we knew was a fear of being hunted. That and a terrible hunger. Klaus (V.O.): So we ran... as a family... and when we needed to... as a family... We fed. (Neighing) Elijah: Kol, are you quite done? Kol: Ahh. Oh, bother, Elijah! Is all of this truly necessary? Elijah: Brother, the road is a major thoroughfare. If the bodies are found, word of our presence will spread to Mikael. Rebekah: We have run through autumn and winter, through sleet and snow. Are we cursed to forever live in fear of our father? Finn: I should say yes sadly. Elijah: Finn, please. Niklaus. Rebekah: Do we have any idea where we're running to next? Kol: Why not just do what we've all thought of doing? Split up! Klaus: We swore a vow! Kol: Your vows haunt me more than father himself! At least he can't chase us all. I say we take our chances. Finn: Perhaps Kol is right. Kol: Thank you, Finn! Yeah, I've always said eldest is the most intelligent. Finn: Stop talking! Finn: I take no Joy in our assent, but I do wish to sleep in a bed, to bathe in a bath, to feed of proper food. Elijah: No, brother. Niklaus is right. We made a vow. Elijah: Family above all. Elijah: Always... forever. [ Present day - Mikaelson Compound ] Klaus: Always and forever indeed. Season 3 Episode 1 For the Next Millennium Original air date: 8 October, 2015 Freya (V.O.): "My dear Rebekah... I hope this finds you well. I write to offer an update and to ask your advice. Our brothers remain at odds. Klaus will never apologize, not for the blood he shed, nor the suffering Hayley continues to endure... And Elijah cannot forgive him." Freya (V.O.): "Despite my efforts, we are a house divided... Which is not to say I have no good news. Niklaus kept his word. Marcel controls the quarter. There he has founded a fight gym in the old St. Anne's church, where he tests the mettle of those who wish to join his vampire community. Elijah has gn joining him for sparring. I believe it helps him work through his anger... And he has much anger." (Hope crying) Freya (V.O.): "While Hope continues to flourish, it is clear that she misses her mother. Though Niklaus remains the doting father, he has been of no help in finding a cure for Hayley's curse." Despite my best efforts, I have yet to find a means to undo the spell placed on her and the crescent wolves, and Hayley herself continues to struggle, unable to see her child except once a month on a full moon... And we're in no position to ask for outside help." Marcel: Can you just help me out? Davina: No. Witches don't do favors for vampires, including daylight rings. Those are the rules. Marcel: An act of good faith will help keep the peace. Davina: The ninth ward coven thinks I'm a vampire sympathizer. I won't prove them right. You're on your own. Freya (V.O.): "Davina's rage at our family has only grown, and as regent of all covens, she's far too formidable to be swayed. Meanwhile, Niklaus has gn to see Camille for what he calls their little chats. He claims a desire to ammend his ways. In truth, he seems utterly free of remorse... around in his blood, and that was the end of that. Freya (V.O.): "Which only drives Elijah further away. I wonder if you would write me with any advice you have on how to heal their fractured bond. Until then, I remain your loving sister Freya." [ New Orleans art gallery ] Klaus: Camille! Thanks for coming. Cami: Why did you ask me to meet you here? Klaus: Well, I had hoped we might have one of our little chats, and I thought you might appreciate the change of venue, so I'm allowing you a private tour of my exhibition. Cami: These are yours? Klaus: I spent the better part of a millennia trying not to draw my father's attention, and now he's dad, and all those who stood against me have been vanquished. I see no reason the fruits of my labor should go unappreciated. Cami: I didn't come here to appreciate art. If you want to talk about your progress as a person striving for empathy, fine. If not, I'll go. Klaus: Have I offended you? Cami: I agreed to see you professionally, but I was very clear when I set our boundaries, and they don't include private art shows. Klaus: Oh. Well, then, perhaps you prefer to escort me to tomorrow's opening? Cami: Call me if you want to talk. Cami: Wait. You're worried no one else will come. Rebekah's gone, Marcel's angry, Elijah won't even look at you. You'll be alone. Cami: You're scared because the people you love are angry with you. Maybe you need to think about that. (Cell phone chimes) Cami: I have to go. [ Rue de Main, French Quarter ] Vincent: Ok. The thing you got to understand is me and Nola PD got a relationship that goes back to that nastiness with my ex-wife. I'm their expert in anything that seems occult, and every so often, they come across the aftermath of some black magic, and they call me in. Detective: Is this your friend, the shrink? Detective: Fantastic. Will: Will Kinney, detective, homicide. Cami: Cami O'Connell, bartender, part-time shrink. Cami: Why am I here? Will: Vince, show her the body. We'll see if she can do what you said she can do. Vincent: So the cops want a psychological profile, and given what we've found, I'd say this is your area of expertise. [ Mikaelson Compound ] Freya: She's getting bigger by the second. Elijah: Thank you for all of your care. Freya: Tomorrow's the full moon. I can help you bring Hope to Hayley, if you'd like. Elijah: That won't be necessary. You deserve a night off. Klaus: I'd offer to accompany you myself, but I fear my fragile ego could not endure the litany of insults Hayley has no doubt prepared. Elijah: Yes, I doubt that your presence is particularly welcome anywhere. Klaus: My own brother, greeting me with such disdain! Klaus: What do you think, Freya? Is he still angry for my part in Hayley's curse? Need I remind him it was my ploy that kept her alive? Elijah: But of course. Forgive me. So, you would call this an act of heroism, even as you bask in her torment? Klaus: Perhaps I'd be more sympathetic if Hayley apologized. After all, it was her that tried to run off with my daughter. Freya: Oh, if you two must poke at one another, may I suggest doing it elsewhere? Freya: Nicely done. At this rate, you'll drive the entire family away. [ Flashback: Southern France, 1002 AD ] Kol: Who's ready for the next course? Finn: You're all filthy gluttons. Kol: And you remain ever the dullard. Rebekah: Oh, such pretty clothes. What a shame they'll go to waste. Elijah: Rebekah, we have discussed this endlessly. Rebekah: No. You've discussed this. None of us had any say in the matter! This lot were traveling somewhere. Their car is full of silks and finery. Five of them, five of us. Wherever they were off to, why could we not simply go in their stead? Elijah: Masquerade as nobles from a land we do not know, whose customs we cannot begin to understand? Ridiculous! Rebekah: You saw the castle down the road. It was practically a gala. If this bunch were headed there, then... Look at them. They're not any better than we are. We could live as they do, at least for a time. Rebekah: Think of it, Elijah, we can hide in plain sight. We could live ordinary lives. Elijah: Silence. Rebekah: Well, aren't you a handsome one? Kol: Looks like dessert to me. Lucien: No! Wait, wait, wait! I can help you! Lucien: Now I am... I am the personal servant to the Count de Martel of the very estate you just mentioned. I wa... I was sent to escort these guests to his home for a lengthy stay. I know their customs, as... as well as the count's habits. If you mean to pose as the family you have slaughtered here, then you'll need my help to carry out your ruse. Rebekah: Please can we keep him? Elijah: Rebekah, no. What is our most important rule? Rebekah: Never leave alive someone who... Finn, Elijah, Klaus, & Kol: .. has seen what we are. Elijah: Thank you very much. A practice that has served us very well indeed. Finn: She has a point. He may be of use. Kol: Ah, a proper family squabble. Klaus: Perhaps we should put it to a vote. All those in favor of letting him live? Kol: Those inclined to gut him? Kol: Well, Nik... What shall it be? [ Present day - New Orleans penthouse apartment ] Realtor: It's a no-brainer really. This penthouse is equipped with all the luxuries money can buy, and while the asking price may seem daunting, rest assured that your view of New Orleans will be second to none. Lucien: I do like it. And as for the price, well, nothing of worth comes without sacrifice, wouldn't you agree? Realtor: Mr. Castle. Lucien: Please. Call me Lucien. [ Rue de Main, the French Quarter ] Cami: I'm no forensic psychologist, but whoever did this took their time. He bled a lot, which means he was alive, but it's like he just stood here. Cami: These ropes are just for display. He wasn't bound, there are no marks on his wrists, no signs of struggling or clawing. Vincent: He was compelled, Camille. Maybe rich boy pissed off the wrong vampire. Will: How are you guys doing over here? Tell me you got something. Cami: It seems methodical, precise. The wounds may have a special meaning for the kller. Not a formal ritual but intentional... And the things we do on purpose we tend to repeat. [ Lafayette Cemetery ] Davina: Thank you for coming. I spent the night consulting our ancestors. They say we must remain strong and to defend our homes, but for now, no covens are to expand into gentilly. Davina: This decision is to keep us from a violent turf wr with the vampires, and it's final. Davina: Excuse me, Kara. I did not dismiss you. Do not walk away from me. Kara: Per se qui e fracta toi, per se qui e total toi. Davina: Detere se deforum, detere se deforum. [ St. Anne's Church ] Marcel: Gnarly stuff. Vincent: Yeah. The guy was torn apart. I mean, there are no obvious puncture wounds, but whoever did that had to be a vampire. Cami: And no one heard any screams, so he must have been compelled to just stand there and suffer. Marcel: You think this was us? My guys know better than to leave a body in the streets. Vincent: Yeah? Well, how well do you know your guys? Marcel: dad bodies lead to headlines, which means tourism drops. We don't like to mess with the food supply. Cami: Marcel, maybe someone new lost control? Marcel: Maybe you should consider that my guys aren't the only vampires in town. Cami: You don't think this was Klaus. Marcel: Elijah says Klaus has been on his best behavior. I've known the guy over 200 years. Best behavior ain't exactly his thing. Marcel: Sooner or later, he'll cut loose. Or maybe, he already did. [ New Orleans art gallery ] Leon Bridges: ♪ ooh, ooh ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ she was born in New Orleans ♪ ♪ New Orleans it's a derivative fiasco. Art Critic: Little atmosphere, less technique. The work is nothing more than a celebratory ego trip. Leon Bridges: ♪ Lisa Sawyer, circa 1963 ♪ Lucien: I wouldn't expect you to host an art show without compelling the critic to speak to your praise. Klaus: And I wouldn't expect an uncultured savage to crash such a formal affair. Lucien: Ah, not my usual scene, but that mouthy blood bag does have a point. Your work is derivative of Degas, I'd say. Of course, I happen to know that you compelled Degas to mentor you. I always thought his work improved after your influence. Klaus: Finally, someone with an eye for art. Lucien: Well, live long enough, you develop a taste for it, among other things. Lucien: Speaking of which, can we please have a drink? I am quite parched. [ The Bayou ] Hunter 1: Hell of a spot for a picnic. Elijah: Yes. If you can tolerate the mosquitoes, it's actually rather serene. Elijah: Finger sandwich? Hunter 1: Trouble is you're trespassing. This whole area is now property of Kingmaker Land Development. In two years, it's gonna be golf courses and condos. Elijah: I take it you're not on the board of directors. Hunter 1: No. My team and I are animal control. There's been an influx of wild predators. My boss pays top dollar to, uh, wipe them out. Elijah: Wild predators? Hunter 1: Wolves if you can believe it. klled a half-dozen last night. Hunter 1: This baby can take a head clean off. Hunter 1: Hey. Anyway, um, I'm gonna have to ask you to clear out ASAP. (Grunting) Elijah: Call off your men. You leave this place and you seek another line of work. No more dad wolves. Hunter 1: I'm an independent contractor. There are other teams out there. I don't have authority to... [ Flashback: Southern France, 1002 AD ] Lucien: There. See the Count de Martel? You address him as "Your Grace," all the other nobles as "milord," and when you speak to the count, you should speak of hunting. He loves his hawks and his hounds, and, um, bow deep, milady Rebekah. He also relishes a healthy cleavage. Lucien: For God's sake, all of you, stop looking up. Kol: Touch me again, and I'll tear your arm straight off. Finn: Behave, Kol, or I'll bury you in the ground to rot. Rebekah: This isn't going to work, is it? Lucien: Just speak as we practiced and know that you look lovely, milady. Klaus: Are you worried, brother? Elijah: We're placing our lives in the hands of a stranger, Niklaus. Count de Martel: Lucien, you were sent to fetch the Count de Guise. Lucien: Indisposed, your grace. Gout. May I present his children? The Lords Finn, Niklaus, Elijah, and Kol. Also, the lovely Lady Rebekah. Count de Martel: Your father never mentioned you to me in all our dealings. Elijah: Yes. Your grace, do forgive us. Uh, father was forever distant with his travels, and, uh, we were largely raised by servants. However, I do know that father would consider it a glorious honor that we should be introduced to society by your noble hand, your grace. Klaus: Your Grace, I look forward to hearing tales of your hunting escapades. Klaus: May I present our sister? Rebekah: Rebekah Du Guise de Rochefort en Seine. Charmed. (Indistinct chatter) Klaus: You've proven to be an immense help. Lucien: Heh. Of course, milord. Klaus: Though I must say you don't seem at all disturbed about leading us into your master's home. Lucien: My master is a cruel drunkard who torments his minions for sport, beggars who seek succor, vassals who cannot pay a debt, like my own father. Klaus: Ah. Lucien: All these gentlefolk behind their silks and their jewels, they are slavers, Kllers. Whatever evil you are, you walk amongst greater evil still. Lucien: What do I care if you kll the lot of them? (Indistinct chatter) Klaus: Who are they? Lucien: Oh. They're the count's children, the lord Tristan and his sister the lady Aurora. Klaus: She is exquisite. Lucien: Yes. Um, as her brother is wicked. Might I suggest that you avoid them completely? Klaus: Would she really be such a thrat, even to one like me? Lucien: The Lady Aurora doesn't need teeth to tear a man's soul out. One need only stare in her eyes and be lost. Klaus: Ah. [ Present day - St. James Infirmary ] Lucien: Oh, Kol... Kol was a bloody loon. Loved it. And Finn... oh, Finn. Finn... Finn was fine as long as you didn't actually have to speak to him. Klaus: Have you spoken to her? Lucien: Who? Lucien: Oh, you mean her. Lucien: As you well know, Aurora and I parted ways centuries ago. Server: Champagne? Cami: No, thanks. Klaus: Please excuse me. There's someone I need to speak to. Lucien: Hmm. Anyone tasty? Klaus: Stay here and behave yourself. Lucien: Always! Klaus: Well, I suppose later is better than never, but you are late indeed. Cami: I'm not here for the show. I have a problem, and you weren't answering your phone. Cami: Who's the dirt bag eyeing me like I'm a rack of lamb? Old friend? Klaus: Old acquaintance, nothing more. Lucien: Old acquaintance? You wound me? Cami: He can hear us? Is he... Lucien: Hard of hearing? Quite the opposite, actually. A side effect I inherited from Nik. Klaus: We can discuss my discourteous friend Lucien at our next little chat. For now, let's preserve your precious boundaries, shall we? Cami: Someone tortured and klled a local, left the body right out in the open. I think it was a vampire. Klaus: Yes. Well, vampire business is now Marcel's purview or Elijah's when he's not busy loathing me. By all means, check with them. [ Rousseau's / The Bayou ] ♪ We get a second chance tonight ♪ ♪ We get a clean slate ♪ ♪ forget about the past tonight ♪ ♪ It's never too late ♪ Freya: Hello? Elijah: Did I misinterpret the kind of exhibition you were attending? Freya: I switched venues. Aren't you the one who said I deserved the night off? Elijah: Forgive me. Someone needs to watch Hope. I have an errand to run. Freya: How ominous. What errand? Elijah: A necessary evil. Elijah: I would rather my niece not bear witness. Freya: Fair enough. Give me a minute. I have an idea. [ St. James Infirmary ] Lucien: Your pretty friend seems to have fouled your mood. Lucien: Why don't we go out, paint the town red, et cetera, et cetera? Klaus: Lucien... What are you really doing in my city? Lucien: News has spread, old friend. Every vampire in the world knows you've been attcked, a number of times nearly klled. Klaus: Oh. Well, I can assure you that all those who stood against me ended up either desiccated, dust, or dinner. Lucien: Yes, but what if it had gone the other way, hmm? When Finn was klled, we all learned the truth... The life of every vampire is linked back to the original who begat the line. Kol's death confirmed it. Two entire lines of vampires wiped out. As you can imagine, the treat of it doesn't sit well with those of us that remain. Klaus: Anyone fearing death as a result of my demise should come see me. I'll be happy to reassure them. Lucien: Of course. Heh. You and your siblings are mighty indeed, yet the attcks on you do show that you are not completely invulnerable. While you've wallowed in your family affairs, your progeny have grown somewhat restless. The world is a finite place, territory limited, and even ancient vampires are not above vicious turf wars. What if I told you there's a growing conflict between the remaining 3 sire lines? Lucien: Suppose one of them wanted to annihilate the other by klling Elijah, Rebekah, you? Klaus: So, you came all this way to deliver a warning? Lucien: Think about it. kll an original, wipe out an entire line of competition. A tempting goal, made more so by the fact that your family is divided and thus weaker than you have ever been. Klaus: My family is hardly weak. In fact, we are unkillable. The last of the white oak is gone. Lucien: Are you so certain it's all gone, every last splinter of it banished for good? Klaus: Lucien, if you had even the slightest inkling any fragment of white oak still existed, of course you would tell me. Lucien: Easy, Nik. You are my sire. My fate is linked to yours. If you want to know what I do about the dangers you now face, trust me enough to come with me. There is something that you must see. [ St. Anne's Church ] Marcel: I'd ask if everything was ok, but you wouldn't be here if it were. Davina: You know, I was bored out of my mind when I lived up here. I don't miss it, but things were a lot simpler. And at least I felt safe. Marcel: What happened? Davina: I was attcked. One of my own people tried to use a spell to ruin my hands. What's next, my eyes, my heart? They hate me. I knew that, but I didn't think they would just revolt. Marcel: Witches in New Orleans have a habit of getting homicidal, alright? Why do you think I was so hard on them? Davina: But I'm Regent. They should respect me. I didn't sign up for this. Marcel: Sure you did. You chose to be their leader. The target on your back, it comes with the job. Davina: So, what do I do? Marcel: Say the word, all right? Me and my guys will... Davina: You'll what? They see me siding with you against my own kind, I'll just be proving them right. Marcel: "D," someone came at you. It might be one today, but if you sit back and do nothing, but tomorrow, there'll be more. You got to respond with a show of force. If not me, find another way, but it's got to be done. [ The Bayou ] Freya: Hello, sweetie. We'll have to excuse your auntie Freya. I've had a few big girl drinks tonight. Hunter 2: What the hell are you doing? Elijah: Oh, my goodness. Where are my manners? Permit me to explain. (Man groaning) Elijah: Lesson one of the hunt... (Grunting) Elijah: .. lay the bait. Hunter 2 (Screaming): Ahhhhh! Elijah: How precious. And just in time for lesson two. [ Lucien's penthouse ] (Elevator dings) Lucien: Please excuse the mess. I've been entertaining. Klaus: Well, you never were one for subtlety. Klaus: Heh. You brought me here to have a seance? Lucien: Something like that. Lucien: I present my personal forecaster... The lovely Alexis. Klaus: Don't tell me you're here to scry some future portents of my doom? Lucien: Alexis is no back alley palm reader. She's an expert cipher of patterns, trends, cycles. She's extraordinary on the stock market and never fails to guess the winner of "the bachelorette." Klaus: Touch forward, isn't she? Alexis: I've heard so much about you, the famous hybrid. Your ancient heart beats strong indeed for someone in such danger. Klaus: If you have a warning to deliver, luv, best get on with it. Alexis: By all means, but if you want the most from the experience, I suggest you feed on me. As you do, I'll allow you into my mind. Alexis: You can see for yourself. Lucien: Come on. How long has it been since we shared a real drink? Alexis (V.O.): Drink deep, but beware. What you broke is past repair. All your oaths you betray. Alexis (V.O.): Your sacred vows you sever, and now you see that nothing lasts for always and forever. Alexis (V.O.): 3 yet remain, 2 already crossed, yet in one year's time, you'll all be lost. Alexis (V.O.): As your family is undone, you will seed the beast that is to come. Klaus: Ohh! Do you think you can fool me with bad poetry and parlor tricks? Alexis: My visions conjure from you. The thrat you face will be more clear the longer I'm in your presence. kll me, you'll never see what's coming. [ The Bayou ] Elijah: You will provide me with the precise location of every last one of those vulgar traps, as well as the routes used by any of your other men. Hunter 3: I... I don't know. Elijah: Hayley. Forgive me. I... I thought... Crescent Wolf: I know who you thought I was. Elijah: Do you know where she is? Crescent Wolf: Judging by what these hunters did, the traps they set and the blood I saw, if she's not with her daughter, she's probably dad. [ Cami's apartment ] Vincent: You seem pretty convinced Klaus had nothing to do with it. Now that only leaves... Vincent: Thank you... A couple hundred vampires in the quarter. Cami: That's the thing. Even if we figure out who klled this guy, then what? It's a vampire. What are the police gonna do? Cami: We'd be sending the arresting officers to get slaughtered, and if we warned them, we get locked up for being insane. Vincent: Yeah. That's New Orleans. Our city, our streets, not our fault, but it is our problem. (Cell phone vibrating) Cami: Hello? Will: Hey, it's Kinney. Wanted to let you know you were right. Will: It happened again. So, if you're not busy, I could use your brain. Cami: Yeah, of course. [ Lucien's penthouse ] Lucien: I told you. Something is coming. You'll need me. Klaus: Aah! I am Klaus Mikaelson! I don't need anyone, nor will I be warned by lesser men! I am the thing lesser men fear! Lucien: Then act like it... Ha ha... Instead of doting on your pretty human girls and pouting about your family's disapproval. Yes, you are Klaus Mikaelson! You are the most ruthless, wicked beast to ever live. Lucien: I came here to remind you of that because, quite frankly, I've been worried that you've lost a step. Klaus: I need no reminding of who I am. That truth has been clear to me for a thousand years. Lucien: And in those years, you've acquired countless enemies, and with the sire lines at wr, you now have mine, as well. Lucien: Anyone who would kll me could now come after you, and since I have so many rivals and because I do not want to die, I beg you let me help you. From now on, I am the only one you can trust. Klaus: I don't trust anyone. [ The Bayou ] [ St. Anne's Church ] Vincent: I thought you said no vamp speed, Marcel? Marcel: Come on, Vincent. If I move any slower, I'll be going in reverse. Marcel: Oooh, fighting angry. Because they found that second dad body? Marcel: You still think it's my guys. Huh? Vincent: Don't matter what I think, Marcel. News breaks there's a kller loose in the quarter, tourism is gonna drop, and who are your vampires gonna feed on then? Locals? No. Vincent: Not unless they want a wr with the covens! Marcel: Speaking of covens, you remember Davina, girl you were supposed to mentor? Vincent: Ahh! I offered her my advice months ago. I told her to make peace at all cost, and she refused me. All right? That girl's got a bigger chip on her shoulder than you do. (Both grunting) Marcel: You got her into this. You should be helping her out. These witches keep messing with her, she's gonna get angry. You think that's gonna end well for anyone? [ Lafayette Cemetery ] Hayley: Huh? (Sighs) (Breathing heavily) Hayley: What the hell am I doing here? Why am I trapped? Davina: I used magic to draw you here and to keep you a cptive audience. Hayley: Davina, I need to see my daughter. Davina: I'm sorry, but there's something I need you to do for me first. [ Cami's apartment ] Cami: (Gasps) Who's there? Klaus: You're on edge. Cami: (Gasps) Ahh! And you're trespassing. You can't just come... I mean, Klaus, seriously. Klaus: I didn't come here to quarrel. I came to offer you a gift, maybe in exchange for one of our little chats of which I'm in particular need, given as my brother doesn't bother to answer my calls, and now my old mate Lucien has swanned into town with all manner of troubling news. Cami: Fine. If you want to talk it through, come back tomorrow. Klaus: I'm afraid I need to talk about it now. Cami: No. No! You don't get to just come into my house uninvited! Klaus: Well, you already invited me in once, luv, so technically... Cami: Don't do that. Don't be so flippant and self-absorbed. Cami: Right now, people like me are out there getting klled by people like you, conveniently timed with the arrival of your old acquaintance, and you just barge in here and start mouthing off orders? I get it. You're a vampire. It's a tortured existence. I'm sorry, but do you really have to be such an insensitive disappointment? Cami: Wait. That wasn't fair. Klaus: Keep the gift. I painted it for you. Cami: Klaus. [ French Quarter ] Klaus: Good evening. I wonder if we might discuss your analysis of my work. (Klaus growls) (Grunting) [ Lucien's penthouse ] [ Buddhist Monastery ] Aurora: It won't be long now.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "03x01 - For the Next Millennium"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Klaus: She is exquisite. Lucien: Yes. Um, as her brother is wicked. Lucien: The lord Tristan and his sister the lady Aurora. Cami: Right now, people like me are out there getting klled by people like you, conveniently timed with the arrival of your old acquaintance. Marcel: What happened? Davina: I was attcked. Davina: Kara, do not walk away from me. (Chanting) (Bones crack) Davina: But I'm regent. They should respect me. Marcel: The target on your back, it comes with the job. Marcel: You got to respond with a show of force. What are you doing to us? Klaus: The Crescent curse. Now you will be trapped in wolf form. Hunter: You're trespassing. This whole area is now property of kingmaker land development. Hunter: My team and I are animal control. [ The Bayou ] Elijah: Hayley! Hayley! Hayley! Jackson: Where is she? Where the hell is Hayley? [ Lafayette Cemetery ] (Hayley screaming) Hayley: Davina, let me out of here right now, or I swear I will kll you. Davina: You can try, or we could have a polite conversation. Hayley: You magically kidnapped me on the one night that I can see my daughter. Do not talk to me about polite. Davina: I drew you here to help you. Hayley: Elijah asked you months ago to break the curse, and you said no. Davina: The regent of witches can't be seen doing favors for the Mikaelsons, but maybe we can help each other. Look. I have access to the witch ancestors. I can channel the power of the one who created the spell used to curse you. You can be free, Hayley. Hayley: Under your terms, I'm guessing. Spill. Davina: There's a witch in the ninth ward who hates that I'm regent. She tried to kll me. If I retaliate, I'm starting a civil wr, and I don't want to do that. Hayley: Fine. Just tell me who you want dad. Season 3 Episode 2 You Hung the Moon Original air date: October 15, 2015 Ugh. (Grunts) Ergh! Unh. Elijah: Take my blood. Jackson: I'm good. We need to find Hayley. Elijah: There's still no sign of her. I've seen the bodies. Jackson: Hunters set up traps all over the bayou and mowed us all down with gn. Any wolf that wasn't taken out scattered. Elijah, how many bodies? A trap wouldn't hold Hayley after she turned back. Nothing would stop her from seeing that little girl. Something's wrong. Where are you going? Elijah: I'm taking my niece home. Then I'll continue the search. You stay here, you tend to your dad. Jackson: No, no. Look. I got 5 hours until I'm a wolf again. Elijah, she's my wife. [ Maison Bourbon ] (Dance music playing) Marcel: Need a break from family drama? Freya: Thank you. You see, I've been trying to get my brothers to mend fences, but Elijah remains bitter, and Klaus remains obstinate, thus tequila! Marcel: Thing is, it's almost midnight. Freya: Well, I'm not wearing glass slippers. Do you have to turn the best club in town into your personal blood bank? Marcel: We feed on tourists, compel them to forget, locals turn a blind eye. That's how Nola works, has been for a long time, so unless you want to become an appetizer... Freya: I'll pass. Marcel: Good. Freya: This one's coming with me. (Music playing) Woman: ♪ I'm gonna lose my faith ♪ ♪ I'm gonna burn it out ♪ ♪ I'm talking to myself ♪ ♪ The walls are coming down ♪ ♪ And every breath that I take ♪ ♪ Feels like the last, and I'm tired ♪ ♪ Every time it's a sht in the dark ♪ ♪ And I don't know why ♪ ♪ I'm feeling brave tonight ♪ ♪ I never won, I don't know why... ♪ [ Cami's apartment / French Quarter ] Lucien: Listen to the advice of your superiors, then do better. Study the weaknesses of those who outrank you and eliminate them from your own experience. Authority is meant to be challenged. Great achievers refuse to stand in shadows. (Applause) ♪ I kept it to myself ♪ ♪ I learned to turn it down ♪ ♪ And I've been living with the memory... ♪ Kinney: I need you to delete that. Journalist: Freedom of the press, officer. Kinney: It's detective. How about a little decency? That kid's got a family. Journalist: I'm not instagramming it. I'm with the "sentinel." Would you care to comment on all the rumors... Kinney: Behind the tape, please. (Sirens, radio chatter) [ Mikaelson Compound ] ♪ I never won, I don't know why ♪ ♪ I never won, I don't know why ♪ ♪ Whoa ♪ Klaus: I thought I smelled swamp. Jackson: What'd you do with Hayley? Elijah: Tell me what you know. Klaus: Has Jackson misplaced his bride? Come to think about it, I did read that global warming has disrupted migration patterns. Try Georgia. Jackson: I just left the bodies of people I care about to rot in the woods because you left them defenseless against poachers sent by kingmaker land development. That ring a bell? Yeah. The CEO is Lucien Castle. Elijah tells me that you two go way back. Elijah: So, So I will ask you once again... What do you know? Klaus: As it happens, I just came back. From a romp with our good friend Lucien. You can find him in the penthouse of the gawdy new construction on canal, and while you two are catching up, be sure to ask him about the prophetic vision he show me of our family's spectacular downfall. You could use a good laugh. Elijah: Stay here. Niklaus and I will deal with this. Klaus: Actually, as long as Hayley is prowling about on two legs and unaccounted for, I am staying with my daughter, and should I discover that this is yet another cockeyed scheme for Hayley and you to abscond with her... The paltry remains of your beloved wolf pack will be sniffing at your entrails come morning. Elijah: This doesn't frighten you, brother, but one day, your daughter will know exactly the kind of man that her father is. If anything should happen to Hayley, you mark my words, no one will have to take hope from you. She will without question leave you of her own accord. [ Lafayette Cemetery ] Hayley: You're completely cloth. No magic will be able to track you. The witch's name is Kara Nguyen. She runs the Café Chim Lac in the Lower Ninth Ward. She'll be there before done. Davina: As long as the candle burns, your curse won't be active. Hayley: And when a strong wind comes along? Davina: My magic will protect the flame. Of course, you'll have to work with me. Err. Unh! Hayley: I'm doing this for my pack. If I turn into a wolf tonight before seeing my daughter, I will come for you, Davina, and I will tear you apart. Davina: When the sun comes up tomorrow and you're still you, you'll owe me an apology. Heh. Unh! Hayley: You have two hours. Get it done. [ Mikaelson Compound ] Klaus: Freya, I'm aware that 21st century technology remains a mystery to you, but when you see my name pop up on your phone, you answer it. Come home immediately. Mere hours after you lecture me about boundaries, and here you are at my house in the middle of the night. Cami: I came through the front door. You appeared through the window like a creeper. Besides, this is a matter of life and death. Klaus: Oh, how novel. Cami: Call it a hunch, but I think your friend Lucien is torturing and klling humans in the quarter. There have been two victims so far, but I've constructed a psychological profile of the kller, and I don't think it's going to end there. Klaus: Lucien would never be so sloppy. Although I admit there is a familiar method to this particular madness. Cami: You want to prove to me you're turning over a new leaf? Make sure this latest victim is the last one. Klaus: Heh. Are you suggesting I prove my redeemability by klling my oldest friend? Such irony. Cami: Look. NOLA PD can't take down a thousand-year-old psycho with vampire powers, but you can. You're the smartest and the strongest and the scariest, so make him stop. (Biting sounds) (Sighs) [ Lucien's penthouse ] (Doorbell rings) Lucien: Elijah, what a glorious pleasure. Elijah: I do apologize for the hour. Lucien: Eh, it's no matter. I've long been nostalgic for the days when vampires conducted business in the dark. It's a boundary spell. No vampire from another sire line can enter without an invitation... Ahem... given the circumstances, you know. Elijah: Lucien, I didn't come here to chinwag. Your little corporation has been butchering wolves in the Bayou Lafourche. Lucien: It's population control. There's viable land out there, viable, that is, once the sudden influx of mangy wildlife has been eliminated. Elijah: I take it you are alluding to the Crescent pack. Hayley Kenner, one of the alphas, is missing. Lucien: TThe, uh, hybrid Nik knocked up? Heh. Surprised by your concern, Elijah. non grata, fair game. Unh! (Gagging) Huhhh! Jackson: Aah! Lucien: Aah! (Growls) Jackson: Now he asked you what your hunters did to my wife. Answers now. Lucien: Err. I'll have them inspect the road kll in the morning. Elijah: Jackson, your time is short. You go to the compound, fetch the chains from the carriage room. My darling Lucien, I'm quite happy to stand here and watch you die, or you can invite me in. The choice is yours. [ French Quarter / Rousseau's ] (Indistinct chatter) Cami: Aah! Ohh! Kinney: Hey. Hey. It's just me. Cami: Maybe not the best time to be sneaking up on people. Kinney: Oh, sorry. It's been a long night. I saw you walking in. Thought you might not mind pouring me a drink. [ Mikaelson Compound ] Freya: Nightcap? You'll find bourbon on basically every horizontal surface. Frat Boy: Or we could skip to the fun part. Klaus: Freya! It is about time you brought a gentleman home to meet the family. I'm Freya's brother, and you are? No. Don't tell me. Let me guess... Brad, Chad, Brody? Let's go with Brody. What are your intentions for my sister? Shall we discuss a dowry? Frat Boy: Bro, what the... Klaus: Leave now. Well, he was drunk. No one will believe his story. Freya: Not 3 months ago, you utterly despised me. Now you're playing protective brother. Klaus: I'm sure you're quite capable of protecting yourself from the scourge of fraternity row. I need you to perform a locator spell. Hayley's missing. Freya: You're worried about her. Klaus: I prefer to know the whereabouts of my enemies. Besides, Hayley has a history of taking what's mine. Freya: No. You're afraid she's truly lost. I'll need the best connection to Hayley. You'll have to wake Hope. [ Rousseau's ] Kinney: So any progress on the kller's profile? Cami: Listen. I know Vincent said that I could help, but you should probably consult someone with a little more experience. Kinney: Yeah. True. I've seen you around town before with Klaus Mikaelson, a mysterious philanthropist/artist with no past on record. Is he a friend or a patient? Cami: You know, I think we should call it. Kinney: Cami. Cami: I'm not allowed to discuss my clients. Kinney: I know who you are. Cami: Right. My brother mrder a church full of seminary students, so my name must be familiar to the local pd. Kinney: It is. But after Vincent brought you around, I did further research. For example, your uncle Kieran's death last year, that autopsy report was just full of plot holes. Cami: He had a heart attck. Kinney: Perfectly rational explanation. There's always a perfectly rational explanation. Your family has a whole century of strange deaths, unexplainable behavior, grave robberies, beheadings, missing persons, police reports with entire sections blacked out. Whenever there's a problem in the quarter, there's an O'Connell either causing it or cleaning it up. Cami: Are you accusing me of something? Kinney: No. I just think your whole good catholic family thing is a cover. I just haven't figured out what you're covering yet, but I will. [ Lafayette Cemetery / Mikaelson Compound / Chim Lac Cafe ] Davina: Ven el forte es cufe. Ven el forte es cufe. Freya: Vinde val tratunderes. Vinde val tratunderes. (Gasps) Freya: I can't find her. There's... nothing. It's like she doesn't exist, or sh... Klaus: Or she's dad. Jackson: No, no. No. You have to find her. Davina: No. No. Please. Please. You need to listen to me. Please. (Bones crack) (Panting) (Crying) Oh! Ohh! Freya: Oh, Klaus, the chains. Davina: Please. I know you don't want to help me, but Hayley can be used against Klaus. She's the only one that he truly fears. (Bones crack) (Grunting) Jackson: Ohh! Freya, please! Please do the spell again! I can't go a month with... agh! Unh! Davina: Please, please. I need you to listen to me. Agh! Ohh. Jackson: It stopped. Hayley: Aah! Aah! (Neck snaps) Aah! (Groaning) (Screaming) [ Lucien's penthouse ] Lucien: My contacts will get back to me if they have any information about a wolf matching your description. Elijah: You're going to need Niklaus' blood for that wound. Just FYI. I'm sure he'll respond favorably once the mother of his child has been... Recovered. Lucien: Oh, feel free to have a drink. She's not dad, just mouthy. I compelled her quiet. Elijah: You can spare me the counterfeit camaraderie. So you say that you're in conflict with those of my sire line. Am I to assume that the lord Tristan Du Martel is up to his usual tricks? Lucien: This is no quarrel, Elijah. We are on the brink of wr. Tristan knows that if he kills Klaus he will eliminate all his enemies. Elijah: And so wait. By this logic, am I to assume that I am your ultimate target? Lucien: If I kll you, then I trade all of the money, the women, the jets all for an eternity on the run from Nik and Rebekah. Elijah: Leave this city. No one needs your protection. The white oak was destroyed. We cannot be klled. Lucien: You're wrong. Talk to Nik. He's seen the prophecies. Visions of darkness surround your family. You are not immune to death, Elijah, and you don't seem particularly fazed. Elijah: Well, I'm no stranger to death, young Lucien. Or third-rate prophecies, for that matter... Lucien: Or perhaps your immortality has finally soured you. After all, you've abandoned your eternal effort to save Nik's soul. What's left for the legendary Elijah Mikaelson without that single motivation? [ Lafayette Cemetery ] Marcel: We got a problem. [ Chim Lac Cafe ] Marcel: 11 bodies, a lot of pissed off loved ones. They thought it was a vampire thing, but all my guys were accounted for at the abattoir last night. Van: Where's my mom? Where is she? Oh, no! No, no! (Sobbing) Shh. [ Mikaelson Compound / Lucien's penthouse ] Klaus: I taught you better than to leave your leftovers in the streets, my streets. Lucien: You'll have to elaborate, mate. Klaus: Two bodies were found sporting rather memorable lacerations. Are you exorcising your demons by carving up the innocents of New Orleans. Lucien: Ha ha! Your family's full of unfounded accusations today, and if I was the culprit, why would you care? We used to make fantastic messes together. Klaus: There is a delicate balance in this city. There are rules. Lucien: Ahh. And people you care about. You can't afford weaknesses like that right now. (Sighs) Klaus: Speaking of weaknesses, there is a wolf chained to my wall who claims he took a chunk out of your arm. Come see me. I'll give you my blood in exchange for your word that these killings will stop. Lucien: I'm afraid your family dog missed the mark friend. Barely a scratch. No venom reached the skin. Klaus: You listen carefully, friend. My city has enjoyed months of relative peace. If that peace is any way disrupted, the next gruesome mrder will be yours. Lucien: Heh. Now there's the Klaus I know. (Beep) Freya: Can I get you some water or something? Jackson: Let me out. It's dawn. I haven't turned back yet. It doesn't make any sense. I need to find Hayley. Freya: I can feel the curse in your blood. Something's restraining it, but you could transition at any moment. Hayley: Where the hell is that bastard? [ Lucien's penthouse ] [ Chim Lac Cafe ] Davina: Versailles witches, this is an unbearable tragedy. In the wake of such sorrow, please allow me to bring you under the protection of the ancestors. Whoever did this was strong and, for all we know, might return. If you follow my rules, I promise to keep you safe. Nothing like this will ever happen to you. Not again. [ Mikaelson Compound ] Jackson: Hayley, what happened? Klaus: Hayley. Come to apologize for all your transgressions? Hayley: Do you have any idea what you have taken from me? Aah! Klaus: The very thing you sought to take from me... The chance to raise our daughter. Your punishment fits your crime. Hayley: Your family was ruining her life. Klaus: My family saved her life while you were off playing hide-and-seek in the forest! Unh! Unh! Aah! God. Jackson: Let me go. He'll kll her! Freya: He'll kll you! Klaus: There's a very short list of people who've tried to take hope away from me, and you're the only one left breathing. Hayley: Are you that delusional, Klaus? You cursed all of us, every wolf that I fought for, everyone that stood up for our daughter. You took all of them away from their families. Klaus: Yes, yes. Your precious pack, that family you chose over us, and in doing so, you chose over Hope. Hayley: Is that what you were planning on telling her when she got older and asked for me, that I abandoned her? Hayley: My parents left me! Yours turned their backs on you! Look at us now, Klaus! Aah! Elijah: Niklaus! Hayley: She deserves something better than what we had, and all I have ever wanted for her is something better! Hayley: Fight back! Fight back! Ohh. She's walking. When did she start walking? I missed it. I missed everything. (Hope crying) [ Mikaelson Compound ] Jackson: Hayley. What happened? Is the curse broken? Hayley: I'll explain later. We're safe for now. Klaus: Good for you. I'll have your bedroom made up. Hayley: The only way that I will stay under your roof is if I'm in a coffin. Klaus: If you think I will allow hope out of my protection for a second... Hayley: What you'll allow doesn't matter, Klaus. Welcome to a 21st century custody battle. Moms win them now. Elijah: Elijah: If I may. The apartments across the street have recently been renovated. I might pay a visit to the management. Elijah: The fact that hope will never be out of earshot should assuage your incessant paranoia. Klaus: So we are to listen as my daughter is raised by savages? Jackson: Because everyone here is so damn civilized? Elijah: Brother, you created the problem. This might well be the solution. Hayley: Put the place in Jackson's name. Hayley: Klaus won't be invited in. [ Lafayette Cemetery ] Marcel: You're gonna need to take care of those bodies discreetly. Davina: I know. Keep everything covered up, keep it out of the papers. Marcel: Davina. Tell me you didn't do this. Davina: You're the one who told me I had to use a sign of force. Marcel: Against the one who went after you. I did not suggest a mssacre. Davina: Are you really gonna lecture me about dad witches? This is New Orleans! We're always at wr, and collateral damage happens. I learned that from you. Marcel: Guess who I learned it from. You're not gonna get the better of Klaus by becoming him. All right? You need a break. Get out, live a little, have some fun. Vincent should have never gotten you into this. You're too young to have that kind of blood on your hands. Davina: I'm a French Quarter witch. I was born with blood on my hands! Davina: And you're not supposed to be in the cemetery, Marcel. [ Mikaelson Compound ] Aah! (Growling) (Knocks on door) Elijah: Are you ok? Hayley: I'm fine. Come in. Jackson's gathering the pack to tell them to go back to their families, what's left of them. Elijah: Ahem. You should be quite comfortable. Hayley: Thank you for this. You know, there was a moment at the bonfire last year when I thought we would be ok, that hope could be raised by a real family. For the first time, I was happy. I hate Klaus for taking that away from me. Elijah: These belong to you. I recovered them after you turned. I thought only of you. Every day, I fought for your return, and... Searching for a way. You were not forgotten. [ Lafayette Cemetery ] Van: Those remains used to be my mom. Davina: I'm so sorry. Van: Spare me. She went after you. Davina: We had our differences, but... Van: Look. I'm gonna find out how this happened, and I'm gonna expose you. Then you'll be shunned, unable to practice, exiled from the city. Basically... I'm gonna erase you. [ New Kenner apartment ] Hayley: Ahem. Jackson: Oh. Come on in. The woodbine sessions: ♪ walking shadows ♪ ♪ Tracing silhouettes ♪ Hayley: Not quite as luxurious as the airstream, but... Jackson: Eh, we'll make it a good home, Hayley. Hope will be surrounded by people who love her. She'll be happy, you'll be happy. ♪ Snapped beneath my step ♪ ♪ I'm still walking out... ♪ Hayley: Ohh. ♪ In thin air ♪ Jackson: What? Hayley: I just missed you. ♪ Will I go far? ♪ Um... ♪ However I go, oh, I know ♪ Hayley: These were found in the junkyard. ♪ I go on ♪ Huh. ♪ I go on ♪ ♪ I go on ♪ ♪ I go on ♪ ♪ I go on ♪ Jackson: Well, you saved us again. Hayley: Mmm. For now. Davina's not gonna let us forget she's the reason why we're here. Our freedom comes with a price. Jackson: Everything does in this town, but the worst is over, and so just for today, why don't you let me take care of you for a change, huh? Hayley: Ok. Just this once. ♪ I go on ♪ ♪ I go on ♪ ♪ I go on ♪ ♪ Standing in the shadows ♪ ♪ I go on ♪ ♪ I go on ♪ ♪ I go on ♪ ♪ Standing in the shadows ♪ [ French Quarter ] Cami: Staking out my apartment now. Something else you want to steal? Kinney: All the interesting stuff was password protected, but I knew Vincent wouldn't just pull you in for kicks. You're not an amateur. Kinney: I finished up the end of that video you were watching. Lucien Castle. Highly motivating. Feeling like my best self already. Kinney: So he fits the profile, right? What, narcissistic personality disorder? Cami: I should report you. Kinney: You definitely should, yet you haven't because you know I was right about your family. You're not a suspect, Cami. I'm actually looking out for you. I think you're mixed up in something much bigger than you realize. Cami: Trust me. I realize. Woman on radio: Possible serial kller in the quarter. Cami: Wait. Turn up your radio. Man on radio: While police refuse to release information, sources allege that a manhunt is on for a possible serial kller. Two violently mutilated bodies entirely drained of blood have been recovered. Kinney: How the hell did they know about the blood? [ Lucien's penthouse ] Lucien: Hmm. You're welcome for the tip. (Sighs) [ Mikaelson Compound ] Freya: I suppose I was misguided to believe Hayley's return would ease tensions in this house. Elijah: Misguided, delusional, refreshingly optimistic. Elijah: You're new. Freya: What is it? Elijah: I received some unsettling information. From Lucien Castle. I don't trust the source, but I... trust you. Freya: If you fed on this prophetic witch, her blood is still in your system. If there's a wapon that can k*ll you, we need to know. Freya: No mentre le prophecie que la otra ve. No mentre le prophecie que la otra ve. No mentre le prophecie que la otra ve. No mentre le prophecie que la otra ve. Elijah: Freya? Stop!Freya? Stop! (Gasps) Freya: It's true. You have a terrible shadow over you. Rebekah, too. If this prophecy is fulfilled, you will all fall. One by friend, one by foe, and one... By family. [ Buddhist Monastery ] (Swords clanging) Aurora: You're distracted. My time with you is limited, Tristan. Tristan: I'm thinking only of you, sister. I'm told there was an incident here yesterday. Aurora: Well, as I recall, I was awaiting your visit when I received a letter informing me that you were unavailable. Can you imagine my dismay? Tristan: I had so hoped you would handle it better. Aurora: I get better every day. And you always say, "it won't be long now." Well, it's time. I'm fine. Let me out! Tristan: You know I can't do that while you're in this state. I will miss you, though, my sweet Aurora. Aurora: Miss me? You're leaving? No. No! Why? Aah! Tristan, no. No, please. Tristan: Shh. Aurora: Please. I'll be better. Tristan: Shh. Aurora: Please take me with you. Tristan: Shh. Aurora: Take me with you. Tristan: Shh. It's all right. It's all right. Aurora: Tristan, please. Tristan: Increase her dosage while I'm gone. She may be a danger to others, to herself. Tell her I'll be back soon, and I'll bring her a gift, a lovely little souvenir... From New Orleans.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "03x02 - You Hung the Moon"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Freya: If this prophecy is fulfilled, you will all fall... One by friend, one by foe, and one by family. I suspect Niklaus is with your sister. Wherever you go, Aurora follows. I knew you would find me. Hello, my sweet love. I'm here for the same reason Lucien and Tristan are, to protect my sire. I need to know... Where in the hell is Rebekah? Rebekah: I will use the advantages this body has while I search for a way to bring back Kol, and then who knows? Marcel: My guys stayed on Tristan's trail, followed him to a secret storehouse, and you'll never guess who just bought that storehouse. One Lucien Castle. They've been working together the whole time. In the wrong hands, this stuff could destroy the city. Property of Nola PD. Evidence in a mrder case. From the forensics from tonight's crime scene, only prints on the victim are yours. Cami O'Connell, you're under arrest. Aurora: In the moments before you asked me to flee with you, I saw your brother. He's lied to us all. And yet I love him. You must only see him as the wretched monster that he truly is. What you did to Aurora, to me. You set my course! You want a fight, so be it. Aurora: What are you doing over there? Come closer. Klaus: I think it's best you remain out of arm's reach. (Sighs) Aurora: So I take it you've heard about the busy day everyone's had. Let me take away that scowl. I'll tell you everything I know. (Church bells ringing) Rebekah: I told you this was better than exchanging stuffy, old letters. Freya: Well, a drink with my sister beats sire line drama any day. Rebekah: Lucien's always been a pain in the ass, though he pails compared to that stuck-up twit Tristan. Freya: Oh, and don't forget about The Strix. There's more of them in the quarter every day. I may yet join you here in the flesh. Rebekah: Well, I would love the company, but I might not be here much longer. I have a meeting with a Santeria witch who may know the key to bringing back Kol. Freya: We may unite the family after all. Rebekah: Now tell me, how are you managing with them? Freya: Oh, Niklaus and Elijah are on intermittent speaking terms, which I've decided to consider progress. Rebekah: Just wait, luv. The weather will change. Now I am off to a witch rendez-vous. Freya: Stay safe. Rebekah: Here's to family, every bloody one of us. Rebekah: A warning, sir. If you're looking for trouble, you might want to think twice. Aya: That's the problem with a witch's body. You can't put up much of a fight when the real monsters come out. Season 3 Episode 6 Beautiful Mistake Original air date: November 12, 2015 (Footsteps) Elijah: Aagh! (Thump) Freya: May I ask what happened? Klaus: We had a little chat about the past. Elijah: I politely informed Niklaus that I'm not his enemy, and though they entered the city under the guise of peace, Tristan and Lucien in truth are allied against us, a fact that required a little bit of gentle persuasion. Klaus: And so I reminded our brother who angered them in the first place. Freya: And after all of this civil discourse, what understanding did you come to? Elijah: That we expose and destroy our first sired. Klaus: Couldn't agree with you more. You see, gentlemen know when it's time to call a truce and turn our fury in a more pertinent direction. Will: Come on. For someone always giving me an earful, that was a very quite ride. Cami: What do you want me to say, detective? Well done! The streets of New Orleans are safe. Will: What I'd love to hear is a confession. It would make my job easier. Cami: I am not a serial kller, and while you're wasting time with me, the real mrder is still out there. Will: Well, if I'm missing something, show me. Prove to me you're the victim, and I will protect you. Lucien: Ah, ah, ah, ah. A cold-blooded kller? Camille, what a shocking turn of the cards! Cami: (Gasps) Ahh. Will: You should rest. We've got a big day ahead of us. Lucien: There we are. Hey, Davina. It's me. I, um... I'm running a little late. I should be there soon. On second thought, I'll be a little longer. (Clattering) You're not very good at tailing, are you? My talents lie elsewhere. Ah! Unh! Aah! (Groans) (Chokes) (Growls) Agh! Elijah: Ah, yes. Drinking with Rebekah. Always an adventure. (Grunts) Freya: You seem more annoyed than usual. Elijah: It's Aurora. Her influence frightens me, and yet our hideously deluded brother seems to believe that she might be the key to ending this wretched prophecy. Freya: If she's aligned with her brother, what chance does Nik have? Elijah: None. Still, Niklaus believes that she can be swayed, although his perspective of family loyalty is schizophrenic at best. Freya: Well, I don't get why Lucien and Tristan are working together. Aren't their sire lines direct enemies? Elijah: Well, a mutual lack of goodwill toward our family might not be entirely unjustified. Hatred's a hell of a thing, Freya. Freya: Why? All you did was sire them. They don't seem to be complaining. Elijah... What exactly did you do? Elijah: I compelled Lucien to believe that he was Niklaus, Aurora to believe that she was Rebekah, and Tristan myself... After I'd sired him of course. This had been a period of mayhem for us. It was the 11th century, father was hunting us mercilessly, so I compelled them, and then I told them to run. Freya: You made them bait. Elijah: Not the kindest thing I ever did, if I'm perfectly Frank with you, Freya. So while we found respite in the sleepy, yet charming vineyards of Tuscany, father hunted the decoy Mikaelson children to the far reaches of Europe for the better part of a century. Then we were inconveniently daggered. The compulsion was broken, here we are. How's the head? Freya: Spinning. I don't think it's the hangover. Elijah: Freya, something you must understand about this family. Under thrat, we take action, for better or worse, whatever it takes to protect our own. Freya: So you're telling me their days are numbered. Elijah: If indeed they're working against us, yes, without question. Perhaps a little hair of the dog might be more effective, wouldn't you say? What is it? Freya: Something's wrong. We need to call Rebekah now. (Jazz playing) Aurora: What a lovely necklace. That emerald would really flatter my eyes, don't you think? Woman: I think my necklace would flatter your eyes. Aurora: Thank you. You shouldn't have. Klaus: Will you be taking candy from a toddler next? Aurora: If I should happen to be in the mood for something sweet. Klaus: Come with me. And don't worry. I promise I won't bite. Aurora: So am I to receive a stern talking to for my poor behavior? Klaus: On the contrary. I've cleared my calendar for the day. I want to show you my city. Aurora: Is this your attempt to discern whose side I'm on. Klaus: I'd love to know whose side you're on, but it would be rude of me to ask such blunt discourse from so beautiful a woman without first buying her lunch. Wouldn't you agree? Aurora: Well, it does seem like most men have lost their manners these days. That shall be lovely. Klaus: Heh. (Moans) Lucien: I took the liberty of removing your handcuffs... Unless you're the type that likes to be restrained. Please take it. Consider it an apology for the rough start to our day. I see no reason we cannot begin anew. Cami: I only drink with friends, and, unless this isn't abundantly clear, I don't like you. Lucien: Fair enough. Later on, I Hope you'll remember this all could have gone so much easier. Detective Kinney, come on in and start cutting up the mirepoix. Cami: You compelled him? Kinney: What the hell is going on? Lucien: Why don't you focus on the cutting? We don't want you to lose any fingers while we talk. Did you know that Will's mother's side is full of chefs? He's going to make us his grandmother's Grillades and Grits I took the liberty of texting your nosey friend Vincent on your behalf. After leaving police care without incident, he believes you have a date with "the real housewives" at home in your PJs. Cami: What the hell kind of point are you trying to make? Lucien: Detective, do me a favor. Throw your blade at her pretty face. Cami: Ohh! Lucien: Now that I have your attention, my point is simple. I'm looking for a particular dark object, a small bronze medallion with runic markings. Since you're on vervain, I'm going to ask nicely that you help me find it. Should you refuse, the parlor tricks will get increasingly less fun. Carry on. There's a girl. Elijah: She's still not answering. Freya: Touve mon se kavo. Touve mon se kavo. There's nothing to connect to. She's gone. Elijah: What do you mean she's gone? Freya: I can't find her, which means her witch body, her connection to magic, it's as if it just vanished. Rebekah: (Gasps) Bloody hell. Rebekah: Not only did you slit my throat, you stole my bloody phone. (Footsteps) Aya: Hello, Rebekah. Rebekah: Aya, of course. Elijah's little protege. Let me guess. You were tasked with finding my Original body, you couldn't do your job, so you did this to my other one to lure me out. Clever but ill-advised. You see, I needed that body, and now you owe me a hell of a lot more than an apology. Aya: I don't owe you anything. I'm here to claim the unattended Mikaelson. I only had chains enough for one of you. Rebekah: Heh. Is that all you brought? Aya: I met your special friend... Marcel Gerard. It's been amusing getting to know him. Maybe I'll send him one of your heads as a souvenir. Rebekah: Enough with the idle chit-chat. Are you gonna throw the first punch or what? Aya: Respect my elders. You first. Lucien: Mmm. I find the Cajun cuisine almost as delicious as their people. Well done, William. Kinney: Not like I had a choice. Lucien: Hmm. Kinney: The moment I do, I'm gonna use this Knfe, I'm gonna sab you in the heart. Cami: You couldn't if you tried. You've been compelled to do everything he says. It's like hypnosis. Vampires use it against humans to do their bidding. Kinney: We're using the "V" word now? Great. Might as well embrace the insanity. What else you gonna force us to do? Lucien: Well, Camille here consumes vervain, so I can't force her to do anything, but in exchange for preventing future bloodshed, I'd ask that you find me that pretty, little medallion. Cami: Like I've told you, I have cataloged everything. What you're looking for is not here. Lucien: It's there. Just hidden, built into something else. Find it! Cami: And then what? Some shiny ornament helps you get your revenge on Klaus? Don't tell me this is all because he stole your girl. Lucien: He did a lot more than steal my girl, Camille. He stole 100 years of my life. Now that gives me a thought. Loss is a great motivator. Slice open your arcuate artery. Cami: No! Kinney: Ugh! Lucien: Ooh. That's a nasty wound. He'll bleed out if that's not treated. Tick-tock, Camille. Aurora: Mmm. That was delicious. Klaus: I aim to please. Aurora: No. Darling, you aim to suck me dry of information, but you fed me well, so I suppose I owe you a favor. What would you like to know? Klaus: Well, it's quite simple really. I find being in your company again wonderfully intoxicating. So my question is do you feel the same? Aurora: Nik, I am not your enemy, nor Rebekah's. After all, she's my sire, but I do hate Elijah, given what he's done to me and to you. Klaus: So you choose to ally with the brother who locked you in a prison and the sab boy who, until now, was always so far beneath you? Aurora: You know, the 3 of us spent one hundred years working together and running together, believing we were the Mikaelsons, and you knew your father. It was no easy task to avoid him, and yet we survived, and when the compulsion ended, it was as if someone had peeled off our skin. We lost everything of who we were and what we'd become in a single moment, and even though we now knew we were little more than an elaborate red herring, Mikael was still after us, so Tristan swore he wouldn't rest until we made you pay. So the 3 of us swore a pact of vengeance. For centuries, we scoured the world looking for wapon that would kll the lot of you, but Lucien and Tristan never quite got over their hatred of one another. Klaus: Seems a little short-sighted. If my family dies, so do all of you. Aurora: Well, that's the beautiful mystery, isn't it? I... I think I'd like dessert. Perhaps you can take me for a walk, show me what it is you like about this strange, little city. Hayley: You might remember him from that pretentious excuse for a party. Marcel: Shen Min. 800 years old. According to Tristan, he was a trture consultant for genghis Khan. Hayley: I don't care if he's a gemini who likes long walks on the beach, Marcel. Why was he following me? Marcel: I don't know. Hayley: You don't know, or you're sworn to the code of silence. Marcel: Hey. Easy. We're on the same side here. Hayley: Then prove it. Mikaelson blood tracks Mikaelson blood. I should be able to find her. I don't understand. Why bring Rebekah into this? They want all 3 sires. Tristan and Lucien kept us occupied here while they hunted Rebekah. She's strong. She cannot be klled. The prophecy says otherwise. Sang bis najitt trouver. Sang bis najitt trouver. Sang bis najitt trouver. Sang bis najitt trouver. Unh! You're a bit out of sorts. Been in a coffin for 6 months. I'm just getting warmed up. Besides, I think I'm in the lead, not that anyone's keeping score. I guess I should be flattered. I can't leave you alone for 5 minutes. Menedek qual suurentaa. (Necks snapping) Not bad. Now what? Run. Lucien: Hasn't yet. The hunt continues. Cami: How you holding up? Kinney: Well, I'm gushing blood into a bucket because the vampire who kidnapped us doesn't want to stain his floor, so pretty great. Cami: I got you into this mess. The least I can do is stop the bleeding. Kinney: No. Don't bat yourself up. I'm tenacious. Would have gotten into this mess with or without you. Cami: (Gasps) Kinney: I have a feeling you shouldn't come any closer. More tricks from Mr. Transylvania. This is what happened to your brother, isn't it? Your family got mixed up in the supernatural world. Someone made him do something he never would have done. No one should have to go through that. Listen. I... I have a sister. If I don't make it... Cami: No. We're walking out of this. Kinney: At this point, limping out of this is gonna be a challenge. Cami: I still have leverage. I'm the only one who can find what Lucien needs, so let's find it. Aurora: Why would you bring me here? It's so morbid. Klaus: They call these graveyards The Cities of the dad, elevated mausoleums meant to honor those who've passed on. It's a very human attempt to overcome fear of mortality by celebrating death. Morbid, certainly, but pure. Aurora: Oh. Pure. Like your intentions. Klaus: My intentions are quite the opposite. How about yours? Aurora: Hmm. You know... Over the long centuries, I would dream of you, my bright light in an ocean of darkness, a kindred whose despair mirrored my own and whose love brought me a joy I had not felt and have never felt since. But if only it were real, this charming stroll through your melancholy preoccupations, but I know it's really an interrogation under the guise of pleasantries. Klaus: My desire for answers is only fair. We are on the brink of wr, but if you doubt the veracity of my feelings for you... Then our tour has one final stop. Elijah: She can't stay there. Rebekah cannot fight them alone. I tried. She's of no mood to listen. Perhaps you'll have better luck. (Cell phone vibrating) Elijah: It's Marcel. Your timing's perfectly horrendous. Marcel: Yeah? Well, I need your help. Hayley caught one of Tristan's guys tailing her, knocked him out, brought him to the gym for a little Q&A. Problem is, it's Shen Min. Elijah: Marcellus, do I need to remind you that Shen Min was know as the Red Sorrow before he was a vampire? You execute him immediately. Elijah. (Humming) So what, you gonna sleep all day? Elijah: Before he wakes, tear that heart from his chest. Sang bis najitt trouver. Sang bis najitt trouver. Rebekah: It's good to see you, Elijah, even if you're not flesh and blood. Elijah: It's time to come home, Rebekah. Rebekah: No. I'm too close to bringing Kol back. Elijah: You're even closer to bringing about your own destruction. Rebekah: I'm not leaving without that spell. Kol will have to wait, sister. The Strix are making their move. Rebekah: What happened? Elijah: Hayley had an encounter with Shen Min. She and Marcel are dealing with this matter accordingly. Rebekah: What the hell are you doing here? Go and save them before that lunatic gets free! Elijah: Give me your word. Come home now. No detours. Rebekah: Fine, but my niece's mum and that handsome fool better be alive when I get back. Elijah: You make certain she returns. I'll see you tonight. Hayley: Hmm. About time. Now we can get started. Shen Min: Yes, we certainly can. Hayley: There's still time. If you talk, maybe I'll even get you healed. Why were you following me? Shen Min: Because we have a use for you, or is it some other reason? You'll never know, and it won't matter because when I get free, I'm going to break your jaw as you did mine and slowly pull your intestines out from your body. Marcel: Hey. How about we just calm down? Shen Min: And you. The others were so pleased when you joined our ranks, but I knew from the start you were filth. You've proven it by siding against us. For that, I will end you, but not before you watch her die, screaming. Marcel: Right. Well, ok. That's about enough of that. Sorry, Hayley. Your turn's over. He's got to die. Unh! Marcel: Take him. Unh! Agh! Agh! Shen Min: How poetic. Two warriors fighting side by side dying together. Unh! (Gasping) Elijah: Are you ok? Marcel: Oh, I'm fine. Thank you for asking. Elijah: Marcellus, next time I ask you to take out the trash... Try not to dally. Rebekah, we have to go. I'll get you on the first flight out. Rebekah: I can't give up now, not when the answers to bringing out brother back are just a few streets away. You promised Elijah. Rebekah: And what about my promise to Kol? I've already lost my witch body. I can't go home with nothing. Well, I suppose arguing with you would be a waste of already precious time. Rebekah: See? You're fitting into this family like a glove. Aurora: So is this your family home? Klaus: Please forgive the detritus. My brother and I had a slight disagreement over you, as a matter of fact. Aurora: Oh! A duel in my honor. How chivalrous, but I'm afraid if this is what you wish to show me, it's... Klaus: If you want to know what's been in my heart for the past few centuries, come with me. Klaus: Life is like a city, built in layers. No matter what new experiences come along, the foundation remains. (Gasps) Aurora: What is this? Klaus: 200 yeas ago, it was my art studio. It became a tomb for my memory of you. I thought if I painted what haunted me I could free myself of you forever. In all my years, I have never been more wrong about anything. Marcel: Between blood loss and that bite, I'm not sure you have enough time to get answers. Elijah: Then let's make the most of it. I have questions. I want answers. Why were you following Hayley? Shen Min: I was ordered to remove her from the playing field. She is an obstacle to the thing we truly want. Elijah: Which is what? Shen Min: Davina Claire. Elijah: What do you want with Davina Claire? Shen Min: Tristan needs her to activate a wapon to use against your family. Elijah: What wapon? Forgive me. I'm having a little difficulty hearing you right now. Speak. Shen Min: I'd... Rather... Die. (Daylight ring clatters) Lucien: Have you found it yet? Because as far as deadlines go, well, yours seems almost dad. Cami: You've made your point. You win, humans lose. Now let him go. Lucien: So you have found it? Cami: Maybe. I'll only show you if you heal him now. Lucien: Show me first. Cami: Heal him. It's ok. You can drink it. It will heal you. I've checked everywhere else. This is the only place it could be. Lucien: Aah! Ohh! Ohh! I can see why Nik is so fond of you. You do have spirit, but your heart skipped a bat just before I healed your friend. I think you know exactly where my medallion is, you crafty girl. Knfe to your throat, mate. Cami: No. Don't do this, please. Lucien: Are you trying to appeal to my merciful side? I hate to tell you, darling, I don't have one. Kinney: Don't give him a damn thing! Lucien: Oh, enough! Go on. Slit your... Cami: Wait! Take it. Just take it. It's in here. Lucien: Heh. Had it all along. How about that? Turns out we make quite a team. (Moroccan music playing) Rebekah: There it is. This has got to be it. Freya: If you were told to meet this witch here, where is she? Rebekah: Doesn't matter to me as long as I get what I need. This is it. This is the spell. It makes perfect sense. Now all we need is Kol's ashes and the blood of two siblings. Freya: Rebekah, we need to go now. (Door opens) Rebekah: Took you long enough. Mithil rata dans hofos. Mithil rata dans hofos. Mithil rata dans hofos. What the hell is going on? Aya: A fitting end to a spoiled bitch. Rebekah: (Grunts) Clearly you didn't get the hint earlier. You can't bat me! Aya: Maybe not, but she can. Lem duree mohana. No! Gratuit fra loke! (Voices whispering) No. No. Aya: Your magic has no power here. Only our witch can cast spells. How tragic, that you and your sister must say your farewells like this. I can't decide. Should I make you watch as she screams for mercy or leave you wondering just how badly she suffered? If you hurt her, I will rip your l... unh! Rebekah: You lured me all this way, and the whole time, it was a lie. Aya: Not at all. The spell is very real. I wanted to enjoy the look on your face when I took it from you. Not to worry, luv. This won't kll you. It's just meant to put you to sleep for a very, very long time. Rebekah: And when I wake up, you will be the first person that I kll. Aya: I won't hold my breath, but you're more than welcome to try. (Grunting) Aya: Now time to get you back to New Orleans. Lucien: He cooks, and he cleans! He's a real keeper, this one. Aw. Sadly, it was not meant to be. Now you will go and tell your superiors you arrested the wrong suspect. Kinney: You can compel me all you want. I will find you. Lucien: No, you won't. Instead, you'll keep up this wretched failure that is your life. You'll continue with this pitiful investigation, never quite connecting the dots or making any progress whatsoever. After a time, you'll grow to hate yourself for your mediocre talent, all the while knowing there are things lurking in the shadows, and in the face of these, you are nothing. Cami: Don't do this. Lucien: Oh, don't look so chagrined. Eh, once the vervain's out your system, I'll compel you to forget, as well, but like him, I will leave you with one lesson. Against vampires, humans always lose. (Perfume Genius' "I decline" playing) ♪ I can see for miles ♪ (Gasps) ♪ The same old line ♪ (Sighs) Hayley: There was a time when all I wanted was to find my family. It consumed me, and then once I did, as crazy as it is, all I wanted was a home, and New Orleans is that home... And The Strix are trying to take that, aren't they? Elijah: No. We won't let them. (Footsteps) Marcel: Might be harder than you think. Elijah: Where is Rebekah? We need to call Klaus. Perfume Genius: ♪ that's all right ♪ ♪ I decline ♪ Aurora: What are you doing over there? Come closer. Klaus: I think it's best you remain out of arm's reach. Aurora: (Sighs) So I take it you've heard about the busy day everyone's had. Let me take away that scowl. I'll tell you everything I know. Klaus: I suggest you speak quickly. Aurora: There is a wapon in play, a dangerous, cursed device called The Serratura. It is capable of producing an unbreakable boundary. My brother and Lucien want to use it to lock you and your siblings away forever so that no one may harm you, but to do so, they need all 3 of you in one place. Klaus: Which is why they sent a legion of Strix to collect my sister. Aurora: But not to worry, my love. I took measures to ensure that Rebekah isn't held by those nasty Strix for long. Klaus: What measures? Aurora: While they did acquire Rebekah's body, I wasn't about to let them keep it, so I enacted a plan of my own. Unbeknownst to my brother, two of the men sent to retrieve her were from my sire line, loyal to me... And on my behalf, they procured your sister's body. So don't worry, my love. Rebekah is perfectly safe. You have my word. Now... Come back to bed.	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "03x06 - Beautiful Mistake"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on "The Originals"... Freya: If this prophesy is fulfilled, you will all fall... one by friend, one by foe, and one by family. Aurora: In the moments before you asked me to flee with you, I saw your brother. Elijah: You must only think of him as the monster that he truly is. Aurora: I see him as the monster that he is. Van: Those remains used to be my mom. Davina: I'm so sorry. Van: I'm gonna find out how this happened. Cami: Even if we figure out who klled this guy, it's a vampire. Lucien: I think you know exactly where my medallion is. Cami: Take it. It's in here. Aurora: My brother and Lucien want to use it to lock you and your siblings away forever. Klaus: Which is why they sent a legion of Strix to collect my sister. Freya: I can't find her, her witch body. Freya: It's as if it just vanished. Aurora: Two of the men sent to retrieve her were from my sire line. They procured your sister's body. Now come back to bed. [ St. Louis Cathedral / Mikaelson compound ] Hayley: So where is Klaus? Freya: When I told him about Rebekah, he said he's pursue another lead. Elijah: Forget Niklaus. You will find her. Marcel: Now, you sure you got enough juju for a worldwide locator spell? Freya: She's my family. I won't lose her. (Chanting) (Chanting) Damn it. Hayley: So much for witch GPS. Freya: I assumed they'd cloak her. I didn't expect a spell this strong. Elijah: No doubt conjured by the very witch who lured Rebekah into this trap. Freya: You should all go. I have my work cut out for me. Marcel: The Strix trust me. If they know where Rebekah is, I can find her. Elijah: We don't have time. You need to stop Davina from activating Lucien and Tristan's wapon. Marcel: We need to find Rebekah. Elijah: Marcel, I will not rest until my sister is found. Marcel: All right. Fine. I'll handle Davina. Hayley: Well, in the meantime, please tell me that we're gonna kll someone. Elijah: Oh, we will kll many someones, but first, if we're to start a wr, let us determine where our allegiances lie. Elijah: Niklaus? Niklaus. Klaus: You shout loud enough to wake the dad. Elijah: Can't pick up your phone? Your sister is missing. Aurora: Well, she's not exactly missing... And as long as everyone behaves themselves, you can trust me to tell you where she is. Hello, Elijah. Elijah: Give me my sister, or perhaps I could pay a little visit to your brother Tristan. Klaus: Elijah, please. Aurora and I have come to an agreement. Aurora: Yes. Nik and I find that, now your vile act of compulsion has been revealed, there's really no reason why we can't pick up where we left off a thousand years ago. Klaus: Go on, luv. I need to have a word with my brother. Elijah: Am I to assume that you've gone completely mad? Klaus: You see madness. I see method. Elijah: And that method would be what, Niklaus, to fornicate with the she-devil who took our sister? Klaus: To be clear, The Strix took our sister. Aurora simply hijacked her. I will get Rebekah back, trust me. Keeping Aurora close garners the goodwill we need. Elijah: Well, it is a bold, if somewhat lecherous plan. Will you employ the same tactic when it comes time to retrieve the medallion from Lucien and Tristan? Klaus: They're not really my type. There must be another way. Elijah: Aurora will always protect Tristan, and, given that he and Lucien are aligned, the 3 of them together have a distinct advantage, unless... unless we break that advantage. Klaus: Now, there's a strategy I wholeheartedly endorse. What do you have in mind? Elijah: It's Thanksgiving. Let's invite them for a friendly meal, systematically turn them against one another, and then devastate their pitiful alliance. I can feel the holiday spirit already. Season 03 Episode 07 Out of the Easy Original air date: November 19, 2015 [ Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport ] (Jet airplane passes) Aurora: Perhaps I should apologize. I know you were expecting to find Rebekah's body, but I've got other plans. Tristan: Aurora... What am I to do with you? Aurora: Oh, my dear brother, after all this time, why not simply choose to trust me? Tristan: Well, because I know you arrived in this city days ago. You've had time to poison Lucien's witch and see your infamous ex, but you've all but ignored your own brother. Aurora: Well, next time, don't leave me a prisoner in some stuffy monastery. Tristan: Message received, unfortunately for those poor monks. May I ask what you did with the head of your sire line? Acquiring her was part of my plan. Aurora: Oh, yes, that plan, that plan that you and Lucien were keeping from me. Tristan: You were recovering, and, if you must know, we needed Rebekah as bait to lure Klaus and Elijah. She'd have been perfectly safe with us. You'd have been safe. Aurora: Yes. Well, I prefer to be in control of my own fate. Tristan: Hmm. Should I even bother to ask what these are? Aurora: Call it insurance. Perhaps you'll trust me now. You'll need to if you are to join me for dinner at the Mikaelsons'. Tristan: I received their invitation to this Thanksgiving summit. It's clearly a trap. Aurora: Open the envelope. Put your mind at ease. You're my family, Tristan. You have always taken care of me. Allow me to return the favor. [ Lucien's penthouse ] (Gurufish's "funky atmosphere" playing) (Crowd cheering) Jimmy St. James: ♪ And shake it to the groove ♪ ♪ Hey ♪ ♪ Contradiction ♪ ♪ Everywhere ♪ ♪ Revolution in the air ♪ ♪ In the air ♪ brothers and sisters... ♪ Lucien: Oh, don't you look lovely. Something wrong? Cami: Should I make a list? You tortured detective Kinney, gave him a compulsion lobotomy, not to mention you're holding me against my will and using up all of my minutes. I mean, I appreciate your dad witch's hand-me-downs and remembering to feed me, but did you really think I was just going to smile and eat up? Lucien: Well, think of all the poor people who are starving in... well, somewhere. I'd join you, but I've been called to dine with the Mikaelsons. Cami: Are they going to serve your head on a platter? Lucien: Doubtful. Niklaus and I are allies now that the evil Tristan is in town. Um, let me ask, are you more likely to tell Vincent that you're drowning in a tub of bourbon or awash in a sea of chardonnay? Cami: Go to hell. Lucien: Bourbon it is. Cami: Do you really think you can trick my friends into thinking I'm fine? Someone's gonna notice that I'm gone, and when they do, they'll track me here. Lucien: Well, not within the next few hours, by which time, you'll be free of vervain, and I'll be able to compel you to forget everything, including all manner of tortures and punishments I might yet employ should you continue to prove disrespectful. (Knocks on door) That'll be the nanny. (Chuckles) This is Anton, a very loyal and very dangerous friend. Tread carefully, oh, and, uh, Anton, if you should not hear from my by nightfall, go on and kll her... But do it quickly. Oh, and for God's sake, don't ask if she has any final words. You'll be here through the weekend. (Door closes) [ St. Anne's Church ] Marcel: You said you'd be here 15 minutes ago. Davina: I got held up. What's the problem? Marcel: The problem is that there's a new group of vampires in town. Davina: Oh, The Strix? Come on, Marcel. You think the ancestors wouldn't give me a heads-up? Marcel: Did the ancestors also give you a heads-up that The Strix are looking for you? The Strix want you to help them take down the Mikaelsons. Now, if you say no, they will kll you. If you say yes, Klaus will do something much worse. Please, D., let me help you get out of town. Davina: I'm not going anywhere. Marcel, you still see me as this little girl in the attic. I'm not that girl anymore. I don't run from anyone. [ Kenner apartment ] (Crowd cheering) Hayley: Hey, Hope is down for a nap. I thought if I leave now, I could be back in time for dinner. Jackson: I can't believe you're seriously considering this. Hayley: I want to be here with you and Hope, but I can't just do nothing, and, Jack, those sire-line losers took Rebekah. Jackson: Yeah. They also went after you. Look. Let Klaus and Elijah handle this. Hayley: Rebekah kept Hope safe for months. She's my friend, and she's Hope's family. I'm not gonna look my daughter in the eye one day and explain to her that I sat back and did nothing while those people just kidnapped her aunt. Jackson: Hayley, you didn't do nothing. You kept your daughter safe. You let Klaus do things his way. This dinner is gonna be a bloodbath, and last time I checked, the Mikaelsons didn't need any help klling anyone. (Sighs) Look, babe. It's Thanksgiving. I... I don't see where this has to be a fight. Hayley: It doesn't. I hear you. [ Mikaelson compound ] Lucien: Ah, flowers for me. You shouldn't have. Tristan: That's for the lady of the house. The well-mannered bring a gift when invited to dinner. I assume you brought nothing. Lucien: Nothing but my deepest respect for you. Klaus: Lovely. We're all getting along. Lucien: Mm, like a fuse and a match. Klaus: I take it Aurora is on her way. Aurora: I'm sorry I'm late. Just freshening up. I did want to look pretty. Well, well. If it isn't my old friend Lucien. Lucien: Hello, Aurora. It's been ages. You look... Klaus: You look ravishing. Elijah: Welcome to our home. I do wish it was under better circumstances. We all face a common thrat... A prophecy warning that my siblings and I would all fall within a year. I fear my sister already has. Tristan: Only as a precautionary measure, I assure you. Elijah: Interesting. You see, I would have called it an entirely unnecessary measure. We need to unite to prevent the prophecy from coming to pass, and since any alliance is impossible without honesty, let us begin this evening's proceedings by formally acknowledging your clandestine alliance. Lucien: Now, gentlemen, before... Elijah: Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Lucien, please. Let's not ruin the dinner before it begins. Klaus: And do try to bear in mind, we expect an honest and productive negotiation this evening. Tristan: Mm-hmm. Elijah: Shall we begin? [ Rousseau's ] St. James: ♪ People don't testify ♪ ♪ To your game ♪ ♪ Living like a whore ♪ ♪ In L.A. ♪ ♪ Sacrifice your soul for your fame ♪ ♪ 'ause you're a bona fide masquerader ♪ ♪ Hiding behind all your pictures... ♪ Vincent: Do I look like I need company? Marcel: I tracked you down. Least you can do is hear me out. Vincent: Forgive me if I don't feel like drinking with one of your kind. Marcel: I don't care if you don't like me. Some new vampires are in the Quarter from out of town, way out of town, and they want the Regent on their side, and if Davina says no, they're going to kll her, and I want her to leave town, but she would rather, of course, stay and fight, and I'd rather not sit back and watch her get herself klled. Vincent: There might be a way to get her out of trouble, but you ain't gonna like it. [ Mikaelson compound ] Lucien: It's a bit odd, isn't it, celebrating an American holiday? Elijah: Well, you know, Lucien, I rather enjoy Thanksgiving... the turkey, the cranberry sauce, the lies, the deceit, the betrayal. Perhaps we should begin this evening's proceedings with a little confession, and do help yourselves. Aurora: So this entire dinner is meant to be some boorish inquisition. How rude. Klaus: Nonsense, luv. My brother merely wishes to make certain we're all on the same page, so who would like to begin? Tristan: Well, Lucien and I have always loathed each other. Had we arrived as allies with news of a bleak future, you would have doubted us. We sought to remove suspicion by maintaining appearances. Elijah: Oh, my. Dear, these pathetic lies promise to be as difficult to swallow as your stuffing this year, Niklaus. Walnuts. Honestly. Klaus: Ha ha ha! Lucien: The bottom line is, we came to protect you and ourselves. We have never wavered on this point. Klaus: And the bodies on my streets, is that your protection, as well? Lucien: It's business as usual for The Strix. Tristan: An old tactic used often and to great success... Jack the Ripper, Son of Sam. A frightened human populace is that much easier to control. If tourism should decline and the local vampires are deprived of fresh blood, well, you saw how quickly Marcel joined our ranks. Klaus: Pedestrian. I would've expected more from such gaudy theatrics. Lucien: Well, if one wanted to obtain a certain item in, say, a private collection but one was not invited to the home where said private collection was located, police investigation could come in very handy to remove these items as evidence. Elijah: I take it that you are referring to the medallion. Tristan: I suppose it was my sister who shared that bit of information. Klaus: Don't blame Aurora. You two are hardly conspiratorial geniuses. Lucien: Funny story... it turns out all along that the medallion was in the hands of Nik's friend Camille the bartender-slash-therapist. Had to get her arrested in order to search her goodies, so to speak, but I would never allow any harm to come to her, knowing the great affection you have for her. [ Lucien's penthouse ] Cami: Seriously? Football? You're a vampire. Anton: Shut up and get me a beer. Man on TV: Razzle dazzle from butch Jones. What a... Anton: Should I find another way to quench my thirst? Man on TV: 37 yards, Cincinnati back on top. Different man on TV: First of all, where can they go but up the center? (Continues indistinctly) Man on TV: So the lefty with the dump-off pass, what a gutsy call and great execution. (Continues indistinctly) Anton: I can't kll you, but I can hurt you... break bones, slice up your pretty face, heal you, then do it all over again. Next time, that's how this goes down. Got it? Cami: Got it. Anton: Drink up. You ain't going anywhere. [ Mikaelson compound ] Klaus: A medallion that could lock us away hardly seems like a wise strategy for those come to protect us. Hand it over. And release Rebekah. Lucien: Uh, just a tick. Aurora has Rebekah, hmm? Aurora: No reason why I shouldn't be trusted with my sire's safety. Lucien: Of course, unless you were to have one of your episodes. Tristan: Easy, Lucien. My sister sought leverage to protect herself. Who among us would do otherwise? Elijah: Niklaus, would you politely remind me why we shouldn't just compel them all to give us what we want? Aurora: Ha ha ha! (Both laughing) Klaus: I'm sorry. Did Elijah say something amusing? Aurora: We lost a century to compulsion, my love, and some of us lost a great deal more. Surely you can't believe we'd allow ourselves to come here vulnerable. Elijah: My dearest Aurora, compulsion is not my only party trick. Aurora: I do not like these thrat. Tristan: Our continued existence depends on the Mikaelsons. Tristan: We've known that since Finn and Kol died. Unfortunately, so does every other vampire in the world. Given that the sire lines have declared wr against one another, you can imagine how many young upstarts have come to the same conclusion... kll an Original, wipe out an entire line of rivals. Tristan: Heavy burden, isn't it, the lives of thousands of sired vampires resting on your shoulders? In a perfect world, you'd allow us to seal you away forever, thus eliminating the thrat. Klaus: Fortunately, the world is far from perfect. [ St. Louis Cathedral ] Marcel: Anything? Freya: I can't find the continent she's on, let alone the city. Marcel: Maybe you just need something of hers, maybe a... a hair brush or... Freya: .. her blood is in my veins. That should be enough. Marcel: Wait. Hey, Freya, you can't just give up. Freya: I'm not giving up. [ Lafayette Cemetery ] (Footsteps) Davina: What did you want? Vincent: Marcel told me what was going on. Davina: Mm, and you decided to care? This is witch business, Vincent. You don't even practice anymore... And as for The Strix, if they come after me, I'll deal with it. I'm not afraid. Vincent: Maybe you should be. Davina: You trying to scare me? Vincent: No, Davina. I'm trying to warn you, but you don't like it when people disagree with you. From what I hear, you get pretty mad. Davina: What makes me mad is getting lectured by the guy who walked away from being a witch. Vincent: Well, then I best be careful, or else I'm gonna end up like all the people you got mad at last time, right? Davina: Kara Nguyen attcked me. Vincent: So you had her klled? You gonna kll anybody who disagrees with you, Davina? Davina: I took care of a thrat. That's what leaders do, and if anyone tries to stand against me, I'll do it again. Van: Funny thing about a willow hoop... never know what you're gonna see. Told you I'd find out what you did. Now everyone else knows, too. [ Mikaelson compound ] Elijah: (Sighs) With all the nauseating dinner theater we've endured throughout the centuries, these performances are, by far, the worst. Tristan: Aurora, my sister... Klaus: Aurora is quite aware of our desire to see Rebekah home, and I'm sure she'll do everything in her power to oblige. (Footsteps) Freya: We're welcoming our enemies to the dinner table now? Convenient, given she's the one who has the answers I want. Aurora: Oh, for heaven's sake, now I have to deal with the long-lost sister? Nik, please spare me your family's rage and paranoia. It is exactly this kind of lunacy which led me to steal Rebekah in the first place. Klaus: What did you do with her? Aurora: Oh, I'm sorry, luv, but this prophecy has you all acting as fools, and I've no intention of risking my life to foolishness. Now, I can't trust Rebekah with any of you, and I certainly can't trust the silly dear to endure on her own, so I decided to put her someplace safe. Imagine a spot where no harm could come to her, where, in fact, no one could possibly even track her down. Yes. Rest assured, Rebekah is perfectly fine... at the bottom of the ocean. Klaus: You're bluffing. Tell me you're bluffing. Aurora: Oh, you should all be thanking me. Rebekah's never been safer. She has plenty of company down there. There's all the little crabs and octopus and... Tristan: Harm my sister, and I'll be forced to return the favor. Lucien: Oh, this all escalated very quickly. Klaus: Shut up, Lucien, or I'll tear your tongue from your head. Lucien: Be careful with your thrat, Nik. Anything should happen to me, I won't be able to protect your precious Cami. Aurora: Ok. That is the second time I've heard her name. Just who is this Cami? Freya: You have bigger problems. Klaus: Freya! Elijah: Niklaus... Which of these two vulgar parasites would you first like to trture? Klaus: Well, it's half a dozen of one and 6 of the other, isn't it? Why don't you take the sab boy? Tristan and I are long overdue a good catch-up. Oh, if anything happens to Camille... Elijah: Oh, I'm quite certain Lucien's aware, devastating error. [ Lafayette Cemetery ] Van: You all heard her. She admitted it herself. Davina Claire is a mrder. Davina: No. I... I was trying to stop a mutiny. I'm sorry for what happened, but it was my responsibility... Vincent: It's over, Davina. You kll a witch, you lose your place among the witches. For what you've done, you need to be shunned. [ Mikaelson compound ] Klaus: When Aurora wakes, you will convince her to return my sister. Tristan: Oh, would that it were so simple. Aurora has made it clear she means to control her own fate. I presume that includes keeping her own counsel, as well. Klaus: I think she might be more amenable if she's forced to watch as I tear you limb from limb. Tristan: You could trture me, but even if my sister decided to return yours as a result, Rebekah's homecoming would be marred by The Strix, who would descend upon the city like a plague of locusts, klling whomever stood in their way. Klaus: volence is unavoidable, then. Well, I tried. Tristan: Think, Niklaus. All these thrat, this needless escalation of volence, we play into the worst possible outcome of this prophecy. There's a better solution. Klaus: What might that be? Tristan: We cannot prevent fate, but we can take control of it. Tristan: Keep your siblings alive by helping me seal them away. Let them fall only for the year and leave yourself free to stand guard over them. If you care for them at all, it really is your only choice. Lucien: No doubt you're angry... Rightfully so. For what it's worth, I was horrified by Aurora's thoughtless actions, but, I assure you, Cami will be fine, provided I'm allowed to leave here with my head intact. Elijah: Give me Camille and the medallion, and then we may consider the future of your head. Lucien: Elijah, I have always been consistent. I only wanted to stop the prophecy to thereby save myself. Elijah: And how do I know that you're not the author of this very prophecy? Alexis was your little fortune teller, and anything that may have come to pass could be the result of your own duplicitous, little games. Lucien: Well, you give me far too much credit for being clever. Instead consider the rift between Niklaus and yourself, made worse, thanks to Aurora. One shall fall by family. That does not bode well for you. Elijah: What ever differences we have and how ever smitten my brother may be... I am certain Niklaus will always put family first. Lucien: Really? Aurora drops your sister in the bottom of the ocean, yet Klaus does not seem particularly inclined to make her suffer for it. I wonder why. (Exhales) Aurora: Mm... (Clears throat) Freya: Took you long enough. Aurora: Oh, are we to play a fun game? Freya: Actually, yes, and now that my spell has made it so that no one can hear what happens... Hayley: We're gonna have a lot of fun. Aurora: Hayley, the mother of Niklaus' child. Ooh, I was really hoping I'd get to meet you. Hayley: Feeling's not mutual. Aurora: Oh, ok, so then what, pray tell, are we doing here? Hayley: You're gonna tell us where to find Rebekah, or we're going to kll you. Aurora: Oh. Hmm. [ Lafayette Cemetery ] Vincent: "By order of the law set forth by the ancestors, in accordance to the decree of the nine covens, Davina Claire, you are henceforth banished from this community. Your title is revoked, as is your link to those that have come before. You will no longer have contact with the ancestors. To the New Orleans witches, it will be as though you were never born." Elder witches: Traitor! Traitor! mrder! (All shouting) (Shouting stops) Vincent: I'm sorry, Davina. It's time. (Whoosh) (Whoosh) (Panting) (Whoosh) (Gasping) [ Mikaelson compound ] Aurora: Uh! Hayley: I'm gonna ask you again... where is Rebekah? Aurora: You're quite strong for an infant. Aurora: Ah! Uh... Uh... Uh! Ah! Uh! Uh! Ah! Agh! Oh! Rrgh! Ha! Ah! Uh! Huh! Whoo! Ha ha ha! That actually hurt. Ha ha! Oh, I haven't felt pain since the 1700s... kind of tickles... and for that, I'm gonna make you suffer. Huh! Agh! Hayley: How about a werewolf bite, you psychotic, little bitch? Aurora: By all means if only I can laugh in your face when Nik heals me. Aurora: Uh! Ah! Freya: Maybe Klaus would heal you, but I doubt he would heal your brother. Why don't you bite him instead? Hayley: Hmm. Aurora: No one should dare harm my brother... Seeing as you're all going to need him if you want your precious Rebekah back. Klaus: It's quite the conundrum, isn't it? If I kll you, Aurora will be furious, and she's my sister's keeper. Tristan: Not to mention the object of your depraved desires, yet, despite all your time together, you hold no influence over her. I do, and once Elijah's safety is assured and, thus, mine, as well, I'll convince Aurora to turn Rebekah over to us. Klaus: And were I to dagger Elijah, were I to lock my brother in a box, that would fulfill 2/3 of the prophecy, leaving only little, old me. Perhaps you think I'd be an easier target if I were alone. Tristan: That's not the first time you'd have let siblings slumber while you toil on, and in a year's time when the prophecy has passed and each of our fates secure, you may wake them at your own leisure if you so choose. Klaus: That's very bold of you to suggest I betray my own blood. Perhaps I should kll you right now. Tristan: Well, there is one thing I know which you do not with regard to your beloved sister. Aurora: You see, while I did ensure that Rebekah was dropped in the ocean, I don't know precisely where. I had some old friends do it for me, and then I klled them. Tristan: Aurora has procured the exact location of Rebekah's watery grave in two sealed envelopes. Hers contained the latitude. Aurora: And Tristan got the longitude. Tristan: Thus, each of us has one half of the coordinates you need to find your sister... Aurora: "X" marks the spot. Tristan: Assuming, of course, you keep us both alive. Aurora: So tell me, girls... Who has the advantage now? [ Mikaelson compound ] Lucien: Longitude and latitude. Lovely. Tristan: Well, despite our differences, I believe great strides were made today. Aurora: Hmm. Elijah: Tristan, I can't mrder you this very moment, but I could just as easily tear those eyeballs from your skull and feed them to your sister. Klaus: Elijah, these are our guests. Aurora: Nik, it's so sweet of you to defend us. Klaus: You know, I doubted my brother's wisdom in bringing us all together today, but he was right. We must confront the harsh realities we all face and make difficult choices... To ensure our collective survival... And I have every confidence that my choice... Will be the right one. (Crack) (Aurora gasps) Klaus: Were you anyone else, the servants would already be mopping your blood from the floor. If you do not bring my sister home, Tristan will die slowly and in tremendous pain. Aurora: You betray me after all your promises of love. Klaus: I meant to keep those promises! It was you who shattered them when you took Rebekah! Now I have your brother, a sibling for a sibling. I want Rebekah back. Aurora: You will regret this. Huh! Freya: After everything today, you just let her go? Elijah: Aurora should be easy enough to control. We have Tristan now. Klaus: Lucien... You will take me to Camille, and you will surrender the medallion, or you will meet an end so cruel, the devil will weep. [ Lucien's penthouse ] Anton: Thought I told you to sit still. Cami: No. You told me to drink, so I drank, and now I'm cleaning up. How much do you know about Klaus Mikaelson? Because the chances of Lucien coming back are, um, kind of slim. Anton: You better hope you're wrong, or you might not make it through the night. Cami: Oh, I don't think you want to hurt me. See, Klaus is the most ruthless vampire in all of history, and guess what. He kind of likes me, so maybe you should be the one worrying about whether or not you make it through the night. Anton: You're a bad drunk. Oh! Aagh! Cami: I think I'm a pretty good drunk. Anton: Ooh! (Sizzling) I'm gonna kll you. Oh... Cami: Not while the sun's still out. (Ding) Aurora: You must be Cami. (Trolley bell rings) Anton: Uh! Klaus: Rrgh! Raagh! Where is she? Anton: I told you. She took my daylight ring and ran. Klaus: Uhh! This is your fault. Lucien: Well, to be fair, if Cami had done as she was told, she'd still be here, so technically, it's her fault. Lucien: Ah, ah. Now, you may hate me for involving your pretty friend, but I needed your full attention. You certainly don't listen to me, despite my nonstop efforts to keep you alive. Klaus: If that really is the wapon that can lock me away for eternity, why hand it over? Lucien: Proof of my loyalty. Yes. I sided with Tristan, but it's quite clear his devotion to Aurora outweighs even the value he places on his own life. Take it. It's yours. [ Gillespie's pub ] ("Ruelle's deep end" playing) Ruelle: ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ ♪ Where can I go? ♪ ♪ When the shadows are calling? ♪ Marcel: Can you help her? Vincent: If she lets me. I'm not holding my breath. She's been through a lot. Marcel: She's alive. That's what counts. Vincent: Yeah. We'll keep telling ourselves that, won't we? [ Cami's apartment / Outside Lucien's penthouse ] Ruelle: ♪ Pulling me underneath ♪ ♪ It's getting close ♪ Klaus: Cami? Camille? Ruelle: ♪ It's taking over ♪ (Telephone rings) Cami (on phone): It's Cami. Leave a message. (Beep) Klaus: I need... I need to know you're safe. Call me back, please. Ruelle: ♪ I'm slipping ♪ ♪ Into the deep end ♪ ♪ Feel the current within ♪ ♪ I can't help, I give in ♪ (Chuckles) Ruelle: ♪ Like light in my veins ♪ ♪ Darnkess is sinking ♪ ♪ Darnkess is sinking me ♪ [ Kenner apartment ] Hayley: Jack, I am so sorry. I thought I would be back in time. Is Hope still up? Jackson: Hope's asleep. She cried a little bit and finally went down. Hayley: The family needed my help. Jackson: I asked you for one thing today... just leave it be. Don't make it a fight. That's all I wanted. Hayley: And I wanted to give that to you, but... Jackson: .. but nothing. I should know this by now. No matter what Klaus does to you, to me, to the pack, whenever the Mikaelsons come calling, you will always be there to answer. Hayley: Where are you going? Jackson: Out to the bayou. I figured I'd spend the rest of this holiday with my family. Hayley: Jack... [ Mikaelson compound / French Quarter ] Ruelle: ♪ Current within ♪ ♪ I can't help, I give in ♪ ♪ I'm lost in the deep end ♪ ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ ♪ I'm lost in the deep end ♪ Elijah: Have you found Camille? Klaus, on phone: Not yet, but I will. Elijah: Niklaus, do you think it was wise, allowing Aurora to go free? Klaus: With her brother captured, she has no choice but to bring our sister home. Elijah: Do you love her? Klaus: My affections are not the point. What matters now is that we have this maddening prophecy under control. Elijah: Perhaps. (Beep)	{"type": "series", "show": "The Originals", "episode": "03x07 - Out of the Easy"}	foreverdreaming
[Spencer’s Barn] The girls are in the barn drinking and having fun. The light and the music turned off Emily: What happened? Spencer: It must be the storm. A squeak blares Aria: Something’s out there. The door of the barn opens Hanna: Guys. The girls get up and look scared towards the door. They come closer, a glass noise blares, they shout but still came closer. Ali comes into sight Ali: Gotcha Girls: Aah! Spencer: That's so not funny, alison! Alison: I thought it was hilarious, girls. They all laugh and settle down on sofas. Hanna: Ali, did you download the new beyonce Alison: Not yet. Emily: I'm loving her new video. Alison: Maybe a little too much, em. Ali gives a glass to Aria Alison: Your turn. Go on. Aria start to drink Spencer: Careful, aria. Take too much, and you'll tell us all your secrets. Alison: Friends share secrets. That's what keeps us close. Drink up. Aria wake in the barn, Emily and Hanna are still sleeping but Spencer ans Ali are missing. Aria wake the girls Arîa: em. Hanna: Where's ali and spencer? Aria: We don't know. Aria gets up goes to the door, Spencer arrives at this moment. Aria: Ali? Spencer: She's gone. Aria: What do you mean she's gone? Spencer: I've looked everywhere for her. I think I heard her scream. An image of a newspaper of rosewood appears with a photo of Ali and in main headlines " still missing " [Aria’s House ] 1 year later Aria looks in the mirror. Ella: Aria, are you okay? Aria: It's weird to be home. Ella: We were gone a year. When you're 16, that's a long time. Aria: I think of her every day Ella: Why don't you call your friends? They don't know we're back from dad's sabbatical. Aria: On the news, they're calling it The anniversary of Alison’s disappearance, Like it's a party or something. Ella: Why don't you give them a call? You five were inseparable, and those feelings don't just go away. Mike rides up in the corridor Mike: I need a ride to lacrosse! Aria: I'll take him. The first floor is filled with packed boxes. Mike searches in boxes, we perceive Byron at the bottom Byron: Got lacrosse today? Mike: It's first tryouts, and all my stuff's in about a hundred boxes. Ella and Aria Arrives Ella: A hundred? Mike: You know what I mean. Ella: Come on, let's go look in the garage. Come on. Ella and Mike leave in the garage, Byron approaches Aria. Byron: Listen, I know coming back here brings up a lot of memories. You okay? Aria: Dad, I'm still keeping your secret, okay? Byron: I mean, are you okay with Alison? Mike and Ella come back, Aria and Mike goes out of the house, and Ella embraces Byron. Ella: And they're running off to practice. We are officially home. [Aria and Mike are in the car front of the High School] Mike get out of the car Aria: Hey, what time am I picking you up? Mike: Uh, six. Aria: Okay, I'm gonna grab some food. [Pub] We perceive Aria at the counter of a bar, next to her a man reads a book. Aria: Can I get a cheeseburger, please? Barman: You got it. Aria see a wanted notice for Alison Man: You all right down there? Aria: I'm a bit jetlagged. I just got back from Europe. Man: Where in europe? Aria: Iceland. Man: I spent some time in reykjavik before I went to amsterdam. It's a great city. Aria: So, do you go to hollis? Man: Just graduated. I'm gonna start my first teaching job. Aria: I... I think I'd like to teach. God, I love this song Man: B26. What's your major? Aria: Uh, well, I'm leaning toward english. Man: That's what I'm teaching. Aria: Well, and I write too, but... So far, it's mostly personal. Just for me. Man: I'm impressed. Aria: Why? Man: Well, I tried writing. I didn't get very far. You're lucky. If you're writing for yourself, It's pure passion. Maybe you'd let me read something of yours. Aria: Yeah? You'd really want to? Man: Yeah. You're smart, you've traveled, Great taste in music. I Like to know more about you. Aria: Yeah. I'd like to know more about you too. [Aria and the Man kissing in the Toilet ] [Rosewood Mall] hanna try glasses Hanna: Could I see the pradas in the front? Salesman: I'll have to put some in the back. Hanna: But they're all maybes. Mona arrives with a scarf at the neck Mona: Hey, is this me? Hanna: Or is it a little too much your mother? Mona: I am loving those glasses. How much? Hanna: 350. Hanna sees Spencer who is looking at clothes Hanna: I'll be right back. She approaches Spencer Hanna: I cannot believe Spencer Hastings actually has time to shop. I mean, you're interning for the mayor, taking classes at Hollis, and redoing the barn. And in your leisure moments, you facebook and tweet. Spencer: You know me. I like to stay busy. Hanna: It's called a summer vacay, Spence. Spencer: You spent yours sunning and shopping. Hanna: Tweet-tweet. Spencer: Did you see the paper today? Hanna: Yeah. Spencer: She's gone, but she's everywhere. Hanna: I can't believe it's been a year. Spencer: Do you remember what Ali said that night, about our secrets keeping us close? I think it was the opposite. Hanna: So! What's the occasion? Spencer: Family dinner. We're meeting Melissa’s fiance. Hanna: Did miss perfect find a Mr. Perfect? Spencer: He's a med student, so everyone's thrilled. Hanna: Then that's not the right top. You need to turn heads. Spencer: Away from Melissa? Please. Hanna: She doesn't always have to win. See you around the playground. Spencer: See you. Hanna goes to the exit of the store with the glasses that she stolen on eyes Guard: Hey, miss! You forgot your bag. Hanna: Thank you. Mona goes out of a corridor Mona: I so thought you were busted. Hanna: Nice scarf. Mona: Nice glasses. [Aria, Mike and Byron arrives in front of the Rosewood’s High School , Mike goes out of the car] Mike: Later. See ya. Byron: Good luck. Aria gets ready to go out but his father calls her back. Byron: Hey. Aria: Look, it's the first day. I don't want to be late. Byron: I love you, aria. You know that, right? Aria: Yeah. I know. Byron: And you know that I love your mom. Aria: Do you? Byron: I made a mistake, okay? And I will be sorry about it for the rest of my life. I just hope that someday you'll be able to forgive me. Aria: I hope so too. [Flash Back] Alison and Aria walks in the street by eating an ice cream. Mona follows them behind by running. Mona: Aria! Hey, guys! Alison! Aria: Hey! You hear mona? Mona: Hey, aria! Aria: Maybe we should wait. Mona: Hey, guys! Alison: My god. Is she ever gonna get a clue? What a loser. Come here. Alison and Aria makes a commitment in an impasse, they fall in front of a car Alison: Hey, isn't that your dad's car? [Flash Back‘s End] Emily: Aria? Aria: Emily. Emily: When did you get back? Aria: Hey.Yesterday. Emily: I almost didn't recognize you. I think the last time we saw each other, You had a pink stripe in your hair. Aria: Well, when your parents want you to be yourself And you don't know who you are... Emily: You wore it well. You should have called. It's so weird just running into you here. Aria: Oh. Well, we've kind of lost touch, Emily, remember? Emily: That's what we had to do. Aria: I saw a poster of alison yesterday. Emily: It's awful. I mean, we all know she's dad, right? Aria: I just never heard anyone say it. [Class room] Emily: So, I hear the new teacher's really hot. Hanna come into the class. Aria: Is that hanna? Emily: She's the "it" girl now. Mona comes next. Emily: And where there's Hanna, there's Mona. Aria: That's Mona? Emily: Can you believe it? Aria: Wow. Talk about a makeover. Hanna waves to the girls then turns the head. Aria: What's up with her? You two fighting? Emily: We didn't just fall out of touch with you, Aria. We all fell out of touch with each other. Spencer comes too, she smiles shyly to Hanna. Emily: They're not so close anymore either Aria: So they're friendly, but not friends. The new Prof. goes into the class, writes his name on the board, he turns around and it turns out that it is the man that to meet Aria in the bar. He sees her. Ezra: Holy crap. Everyone looks Aria which sees him, Her phone rings she is quite embarrasses Aria: Sorry. Ezra: Uh, I'm Mr. Fitz, your new English teacher. Aria reads the Text she’s received. It’s signed by A. Aria: Alison? [Emily’s House] Emily is with her mother who prepares a basket of food. Emily: I can't believe they sold the house. Pam: Just too many memories for the Dilaurentises. I can't even imagine. Emily: It's just so weird to think of other people living in alison's house. Pam: I know, honey. Emily: Aria's back. Pam: Does she still have that pink hair? Emily: No, mom, she doesn't. Pam: You know something? I never really understood that family. Why would a mother let her daughter do something like that Emily: Because they believe their kids are their equals, not their property. Pam: Honey, I don't think you're my property, but I'm your mom. What kind of mother would I be if I let you Run around looking like a goth? That kind of lifestyle might fly in Europe, But it's not gonna get you very far here in rosewood. Emily: Not everyone dreams of making it in rosewood, mom. Pam: Oh? Emily: Some people dream of making it out. [Front of Di Laurentis’s House] Emily arrives with her basket of food. She notices boxes on the pavement, takes a medal in the hand. We see a girl arriving. Girl: You want that? Maya st. Germain, a.K.A. New girl. Emily: I'm emily. Welcome to the neighborhood. Maya: Thank you. Mmm. Foie gras and cornichons. My favorites. Emily: It's from my mother. Maya: I figured. Oh, that stuff was in my room. You can have anything you want. Emily: It all belonged to alison. Maya: Is she a friend of yours? Emily: She was, a long time ago. Maya: That's all I get? No details? Emily: Uh, there were five of us who used to hang out, but... We don't anymore. Maya: Would it be outrageous of me to ask If you'll help with our last few boxes? Emily: Yes. But I don't mind. Emily leaves the medal and it manages with Maya in the direction of the house. [Maya’s room] Maya: So, why aren't you still friends With the girl who used to live here? Emily: You ask a lot of questions. Maya: How else am I supposed to get to know you? Emily: There you go. Another question. Maya: Fine. Your turn.Ask me anything. Emily takes a picture on a chest of drawers. Emily: Is this your boyfriend? Maya: His name is justin. Emily: He's cute. Maya: He's also 3,000 miles away. Emily: My boyfriend's name is ben. Maya: What's he like? Emily: He's a swimmer, like me. Maya: I bet you're good. You totally have the body. My mom's a cellist. They're building a studio. Emily: Do you play? Maya: Yeah. But not the cello. If you're a big jock, Does that mean you'd kll me if I smoked a little weed? Emily: Now? Maya: I won't if you don't want me to. Emily: Where are your parents? Maya: Relax. They're out. Emily: Go ahead. Maya: You want to join me? Emily: Okay. Maya: First time? Emily: No. Yes. Maya: So I'm corrupting you. You okay with that? Emily: Yeah. I think I am. [In front of Spencer’s Barn] Spencer arrives when Melissa goes out of the barn Spencer: Hey, what do you think? Melissa: You have an eye for design. I absolutely love it. Spencer: Thank you. Melissa: Honestly, when mom said you were converting the barn to a loft, I couldn't see it, but it's beautiful. Job well done. Spencer: I'm glad you like it. Melissa: And I totally appreciate your letting us move in. Spencer: What? Melissa: Wren and I are staying in the barn while we redo my place in the city. Spencer: I'm moving in for junior year, melissa. That's the deal that I made with mom and dad. I got the grades, I did the internship,I gave up my summer because I wanted this. Melissa: Well, you'll just have to wait. Spencer: Why can't you stay in my room? Melissa: We're a couple, spencer. We need our own space, and mom and dad agree. Spencer: But they promised me. Wren goes out of the barn and approaches girls. Wren: Is everything okay? I'm Wren. Melissa: I was hoping you'd be happy for me. Spencer: Well, you know what they say about hope. Breeds eternal misery. Spencer goes away in the direction of the house. Wren: Sounds like she was counting on moving into the barn. Melissa: Don't worry about spencer. She'll get over it. [The evening, Spencer’s House] Wren crushes a cigarette while Spencer reads a book sat on an armchair. Spencer: Shouldn't you know better? I mean, you are a med student, right? Wren: You're a bit of a smart-ass. Spencer: A bit? Does my sister know you smoke? Wren: Does she have to know everything. I'm sorry that we're moving into your loft. If you want me to say something. Spencer: It wouldn't make a difference. Thank you for being sorry. You're not like Melissa’s usual boyfriends. Wren: How am I unusual? Spencer: We're late for dinner. Spencer gets up. Arrive next to Wren Spencer: I actually like you. That's what's unusual. [Rosewood’s High School] Aria walks in the empty corridors. She stops in front of the door of the class of Ezra. Looks at him then brings in. Ezra raises the head of his copies. Ezra: You told me you went to Hollis. Aria: No. I said I was thinking about majoring in English. And that's true. Ezra: Look, I think you're amazing, aria. When I first met you, I thought... "who is this girl?" Aria takes Ezra’s Hand Aria: I'm still that girl. Nothing's changed. Ezra: Yes. Yes, it has. I'm your teacher. Aria: I know it's not just me. You-- you feel like this is right for us too. Ezra: It's not right. We just can't. He gets up and goes out of the class. [In the Street] We see Emily and Maya walked the one next the other one. Their hands touch Maya: thanks for walking me home. Emily: It's no big deal. Practice doesn't start until four. Maya: I've never had a jock friend before. I guess that makes you my first. Emily perceive the garbage men who throw Alison's boxes in the truck. Maya: Are you okay? Emily: It's hard for me to talk about. I didn't tell you everything about the girl who used to live here. Maya: Alison. Emily: She disappeared last summer. She's still missing. Maya: That must have been awful for you. Emily: I used to think if I didn't talk about her, I wouldn't think about her. Maya: But you still do. Emily: Yeah. Maya: I'm sorry. She kisses her near the mouth. They move back embarrass Maya: See you tomorrow? Emily: Yeah. Bye. [Locker’s room] Emily is opening her locker when Spencer arrives. Spencer: Hey, you been hanging out with aria? Emily: Not really. Emily opens her locker when she perceives a word, she reads it, it’s signed by A. Spencer: Emily.Is everything all right? Emily: Why wouldn't it be? [Spencer’s Kitchen] Spencer, in swimsuit, is taking a drink in the refrigerator when Wren goes into the house in pair of shorts of bath. Wren: Perfect time for a jacuzzi. Spencer: I thought you guys weren't moving in till next week Wren: Melissa wanted to get settled before classes start. You wouldn't happen to have a towel, would you? Spencer gives him the one that it in on the shoulder. Wren notices that she masses her neck. Wren: Tough day at school. Spencer: Tough field hockey practice. Wren: I rowed for oxford. Spencer: That looks good on a med school app. Wren: I did it 'cause I loved it. You probably have a fluid buildup in your bursa sac. He takes place behind her. Spencer: I bet you say that to all the girls. Wren: I can help. Spencer: Okay... Dr. Wren. Wren begins to mass Spencer. Spencer: That's awesome. Wren: is that all right? Melissa: Wren? Wren leaves Spencer who leaves outside. Melissa arrives in the kitchen. Melissa: Who were you talking to? Wren: No one. [Aria’s House] Ella looks into a box and come out two stemmed glasses. Ella: Found them. Byron is uncorking a wine bottle. Ella: Look what else I found. Byron: Ohh. She used to drag that thing everywhere. I think you're happy to be back. Ella: Aren't you? Byron: Well, haven't decided yet. Ella: Ohh. You and aria are so much alike. I don't think she's happy to be home either. Byron: I know it was like a vacation from our real life, but... I felt like we really bonded when we were away. Ella: Well, we had to connect. We didn't know anybody else. Byron: I don't want to lose that. Ella: Are you really worried that we will? Byron: It's just easy for stuff to get in the way. Ella: What do you mean? What kind of stuff? Byron: Ohh... You know, I'm really surprised that she brought that with us. Ella: Well, she loves it because you gave it to her. What kind of stuff could get in the way of us? Byron: No, nothing, nothing. You know me. I just get a little overly obsessed about work, that's all. We're good, Ella. Come here. It's all good. Ella: Oh, I drove past Alison’s house today. It’s definitely something I haven't missed. Byron: Oh, god. A year later. Imagine what that poor family is going through. Ella: I can't. I don't ever want to imagine. If anything ever happened to you Byron: Nothing is gonna happen. We are safe. We're together. And we're home. [Spencer’s Room] Spencer is reading when she hears voices outside. She gets up to go to look towards the window. She sees Melissa and Wren kissing in front of the door of the barn. She receive an e-mail on its computer, it is signed by A. [Flash Back] [Spencer’s Kitchen] Alison goes into the house in bikini followed by Hanna and Spencer. Hanna takes a cookie. Alison: Are you gonna eat that, sweetie? I'm being a friend, Hanna. Melissa arrives with Ian hand in hand. Melissa: Aren't you supposed to be at Alison’s? Ian: Hi, girls! Girls: Hi, ian. Ian: You still need help with your scoop, Spence? I've got my stick in the car. Melissa: Ian, what are you, her babysitter? Alison: You need to tell your sister. Melissa: Tell me what? Spencer: Nothing. Melissa: Come on. Spencer: Outside. Spencer and Alison goes out of the house. Spencer: What the hell are you doing? Alison: She's gonna find out. Spencer: No, she's not. Alison: I promise you, she is, because if you don't tell her, I will. Spencer: I thought you were my friend. Alison: Don't you get it? I'm trying to help you do the right thing. Spencer: It was one kiss. Now, you listen to me, Alison. Alison: Or what? Spencer: If you say one word to my sister about Ian, I will tell everyone the truth about the Jenna thing. [Flash Back’s End] Spencer goes to its window and looks in the room of the house in front of his, which is the one of Alison. She perceives a fair silhouette. Spencer: Alison? [Aria’s House] Aria and Emily sits on a swing chair under the flight of steps of the House of Aria. Emily: I'm sorry for just stopping by. Aria: No. Any time, em. Come on, you know that. Emily: Somebody left a note in my locker. Aria: From "A"? Emily: You too? Aria: Do you really think it's her? Is it possible? Emily: Only Alison could have known. Aria: What? Known -- known what? Emily: It was... Aria: Personal? Emily: I really believed she was dad. Aria: Yeah. Yeah, we all did. Emily: Could she really be back? Aria: I think she's playing with us. Emily: Why would she do that? Aria: It's Alison that we're talking about here. I mean, wasn't that her favorite sport? Emily: Should we tell someone? Aria: I don't... I don't know about you, but... I can't. Emily: I'm glad you're back. Aria: It's funny... I mean, even though I grew up here, I feel like a total outsider. Emily: Me too. [Hanna’s House] Hanna and her mother are cooking. Ashley: I ran into ella montgomery today. Why didn't you tell me aria was back? Hanna: It's not like we're still friends. They sit down to eat Ashley: She didn't know your father left. I hate telling that story. Hanna: So change the story. I did. You grew up. You grew apart. It was mutual, and, honestly, We are much happier without him. Ashley: Hanna. Hanna: Say it enough, and you'll actually start to believe it. Ashley: Well, I have to admit, it does sound a lot better than the truth. Hanna: Nobody needs to know that we got dumped. Ashley: "we" didn't get dumped. I did. Hanna: He left both of us. Hanna receives a text. Ashley: If that's mona, I'm staging an intervention. It's Spencer Ashley: Hanna. It's dinnertime. Her phone rings she picks up. Ashley: It's ashley. Yes, I left it on your desk. Mm-hmm. The bell rings, Hanna is going to open. They are policemen. Agent: Hanna marin? Hanna: Yeah. Why? Agent: Is your mother home? Ashley arrives. Ashley: Let me call you back. What's this about? Agent: We received a call from rosewood mall security. They have your daughter on tape Shoplifting a pair of sunglasses. Ashley: I'm sure there's been a mistake. Agent: I don't think so. Could you turn around? The agent handcuffs Hanna. Hanna: mom. [Police Station] Hanna is waiting. Her mother is in the office with the agent, we see that she dredges him, he gets up to close the door. Hanna wants to take a candy when she receives a text. It is signed by A. The agent goes out of his office followed by the mother of Hanna. Hanna: What's going on? Ashley: Let's go. Hanna: Really? They go out of the post and go into the car. Behind them police cars bustle. Ashley: In a small town like this, What people think about you matters. Hanna: I know. Ashley: Then why would you risk it all to steal a pair of sunglasses? Hanna, I buy you everything you need to be popular. Hanna: That's not why I do it. Ashley: Then why do? This is something you do? Hanna: A few times. Ashley: This is about your father, isn't it? You think this is going to get his attention. Hanna: I made a mistake. Ashley: In rosewood, you don't have room to make a mistake. And neither do I. Hanna: I'm sorry. I'll fix it somehow. Ashley: You will deny you did anything wrong. It was a misunderstanding. Hanna: But... Ashley: I'm taking care of it. [In the Street] Emily walks alone in street when she perceives an ambulance managed towards the old Di Laurentis’s house. She runs in their direction when she perceives Maya. Emily: Maya! Maya: Emily! Emily: I thought something might have happened to you Maya: I tried to call you. Emily: What's going on? Maya: They found your friend. Emily: I knew she was back. Is she inside? Maya: Emily! I'm sorry. They found Alison’s body. We see two agents of the coroner pushing a body in a bag on a stretcher. We perceive then Hanna stealing in the middle of people, seeing the bag on the stretcher. Aria is in its car when she sees that she stops and get out of the car. She sees Spencer on the other pavement and goes to her. Aria: I heard the cops take hanna to the police station today. Spencer: You don't think she'd ever talk about... Hanna: The jenna thing? We made promise. [Hanna’s House] Hanna is in the lounge looking at the information about the discovery of Alison's body Tele: The current owners of the residence Were in the process of demolishing the structure To make room for a renovation project When workers made the gruesome discovery. The parents of the deceased were unavailable for comment, But a family spokesperson has confirmed The gazebo was under construction The summer 15-year-old AlisonDilaurentis disappeared. Tonight, the family is asking for privacy As they come to terms with the sad ending to a year-long mystery, And local authorities are coming to terms With the fact a kller is at large in rosewood. Hanna hear a noise, she switched off the sound. It is her mother who goes in whirlwind into the house followed by the policeman. They kiss each other and go up stair. Hanna puts back the sound. [Rosewood’s Church] People enter the church; a journalist is on the pavement of opposite. Male newscaster: Thank you... The discovery of her body rocked this community, And today, hundreds of mourners gather To say goodbye to Alison dilaurentis. We see Emily arrived with her mother; she crosses Spencer and her parents. Spencer and she take themselves in arms. Aria is inside of the church looking through the window. She is joined by Ezra. Ezra: Was she a friend of yours? Aria: Do you care? Ezra: I don't know what I feel worse about? Having to stay away from you or being a jerk about it. Aria: Yeah, she was one of my best friends. Ezra: I'm sorry. Aria: For alison, or for being a jerk? Ezra: Both. Aria: Thank you. I would never want to do anything That would get you in trouble. Goodbye, ezra. She goes away but Ezra catches her by the arm and kiss her. Then we see her gone into the church. Aria: Mrs. Dilaurentis. Mrs. Dilaurentis: Aria! I'm so glad you came. I asked the other girls to sit together up front. It's what Alison would have wanted. Aria: Of course. Aria approaches the first rank, she stops and observes the coffin when Hanna take her hand. She takes place next to the girls. Emily: Poor ali. Hanna: Can you believe what a scene this is? Aria: Alison would have loved it. Spencer: Popular in life and death. Hanna give a phial of alcohol to Emily Emily: No thanks. I don't-- Hanna: Today, I think you do. The cell of Aria rings. The girls look at her terrify. Hanna: Anyone we know? Aria: No, it's just my mom sending me a text. Emily and I aren't the only ones Who got messages from "a," are we? Spencer turns around Spencer: oh, my god.It's Jenna. We see a blind girl sitting with the help of a young man. The girls turn around. The mother of Alison sits down next to them. Mrs. Dilaurentis: Did you see that jenna marshall was here? I didn't realize she and Ali were friends. Spencer: They weren't. Minister: The lord giveth and the lord taketh away. The ceremony is finished the girls go out of the church when the policeman intercept them Agent: Emily, Spencer, Aria and hanna. Spencer: Do we know you? Wilden: I'm detective wilden. I understand you were all good friends with the victim. Aria: Yeah, we were. Wilden: I'm gonna need to talk to each one of you. Spencer: We talked to the police when alison went missing. Wilden: And I intend to go over every one of your statements. This is no longer a missing persons investigation. It's a m*rder. Rest assured, I will find out what happened that summer. The agent Wilden go, we see Jenna going to a car. Aria: Do you think he knows about? Hanna: No. How could he? Their phones rings. Aria: Oh, my god! Hanna: It's from-- Emily: I got one too. Spencer: "I'm still here, bitches Girls: ...And I know everything. A'."	{"type": "series", "show": "Pretty Little Liars", "episode": "01x01 - The Pilot"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on Pretty Little Liars.. Aria: Ali? Spencer: She's gone. I think I heard her scream. Hanna: Did you see the paper today? Spencer: Yeah. She's gone,but she's everywhere. Ezra: I'd like to know more about you. Aria: I'd like to know more about you too. Emily: So, I hear the new teacher is really hot. Ezra: Holy crap. Emily: Somebody left a note in my locker. Aria: From "A"? Do you really think it's her? Agent: We received a call from Rosewood mall security. They have your daughter on tape shoplifting a pair of sunglasses. Maya: First time? Emily: Yes. Maya: So I'm corrupting you. Spencer: We're meeting Melissa's fiancé. Wren: I'm Wren. Spencer: That feels awesome. Maya: We found your friend. Emily: I knew she was back.Is she inside? Maya: Emily. They found Alison's body. Spencer: It's Jenna. Their phones ring Aria: Oh, my god. Hanna: It's from... Emily: I got one too. Spencer: "I'm still here, bitches... All: ...And I know everything. -A ." [At "Apple Rosegrille"] Aria: Why was Jenna there? Spencer: I guess she's back. Hanna: That cop acted like we were suspects or something. Emily: Do you think we looked guilty? Aria: Why would we? We haven't done anything wrong. Hanna: Except lie about the Jenna thing. Spencer: We promised we'd never bring up the Jenna thing again, remember? It never happened. Aria: Have you found a way to forget? I still wake up sometimes in the middle of the night. Spencer: Aria, it was an accident. Hanna puts a drink in her glass, a man stares at her Hanna: It's medicinal. Cramps! Emily: I don't get it. How does "A" know something about me that only Alison knew? Aria: Ali knew all of our secrets, but...We never knew any of hers. Spencer: I knew some. Aria: Go on. Hanna: Talk. Spencer: I can't. Aria: Spence! No, you are not gonna drop a bmb like that and just clam up! Spencer: She'd so kll me if I told you. Hanna: She's dad. Spencer: Ali was seeing someone that summer. Emily: I knew she was keeping something from me! From us. Aria: Well, why didn't she want us to know? Spencer: He was an older boy,and he had a girlfriend. Emily: Who was it? Spencer: She never told me his name. Hanna: That's only half the secret. Spencer: It's more than you ever got from her. Aria: How is that Ali told us nothing,and we told her everything? Emily: Because she made us feel like we were part of something special. Hanna: We were. Aria: I miss that. Spencer: Me too. Emily: I miss Ali. Hanna: I can't believe you still wear that. Emily: Ali still wears hers. Wore. Spencer: When Ali didn't come home that night, I knew something terrible must have happened, but there was always some part of me that imagined someday she'd just show up. Aria: Yeah. I used to think that maybe she'd just...Run off with some guy. Emily: She was laying on a beach somewhere. Hanna: Or getting a tan out by the pool with that hot lifeguard. Aria: Ohh. Yeah...What was his name? Hanna: Who cares? "Save me!" All laughing softly - cane tapping Jenna enters in and the girls stare at her, then leave discretely [Opening Credits] [Hanna's kitchen] Ashley: That's the last of the milk. Hanna: It's on the list. The guy on the tv: ...Over the area right now with a lot of warm air, but we've got a cold front moving in from the west right here behind me. In other news, Rosewood detective Darren Wilden held a press conference this morning. Wilden: The coroner did release his findings this morning, and although Alison Di Laurentis' body did show signs of a blunt-force head trauma, the cause of her death was suffocation. Ashley turns off the television Ashley: Are you okaygoing to school today? Hanna: Yeah.I'll be fine. Ashley: I don't want to think about what the police are saying, and you shouldn't either. Try to remember Alison as the beautiful girl you knew. Hanna: I'm really sorry, mom. Ashley: For what? Hanna: The cop. Ashley: It's over. Okay? We won't be seeing him again. Hanna puts on some lipstick Ashley: Is that amber rose? It's a good color for you. [At the Montgomery's] Ella: I had to look twice to make sure that was Hanna. Aria: Right? Ella: That was somefuneral dress. Her mother didn't get that from curvy girl. Byron: Who shops at curvy girl? Ella: No one, anymore. Do you not have time for breakfast? Byron: No. I'm probably gonna be late tonight too. Ella: Late nights already? We just got here. Aria: Yeah. What's that about? Byron: What's it about? Being gone for a year. Playing catch-up. Faculty meetings.Changing my curriculum. Demanding students. Aria: Maybe your family's demands should come first. I'm gonna be late.Love you, Ella. Ella: What was that about? You guys were getting along so well when we were away. I don't get it. Byron: Well, you know, she's... She's a teenage girl, Ella. Aren't they all moody and unpredictable? Both chuckle [In front of Emily's] Emily's sitting on a couch outside her house, Maya joins her Maya: So... Are you okay? That... Was a dumb question. Of course you're not okay. I, um, I thought about going to the funeral, But I... I didn't know her, and it didn't... Feel right. Emily: No, I... I understand. Maya: Can I have a sip? Emily: Sure. Do you want your own? Maya: I'd rather share yours. Emily: You look tired. Maya: I haven't gotten much sleep. My mom found another one of Alison's boxes in the basement. There were pictures of her in my room. Her room. She's everywhere. And that poster. Emily: Someone should take those posters down. It hurts way too much to look at them. Maya: Emily... I'm so sorry. Hug each other - Pam arrives Pam: Is everything all right? Emily: Mom, this is Maya St Germain. Pam: Oh, Maya. Hi. Maya - Coming to her quickly to hug her -: Hi! Pam: Well, I would say welcome to the neighborhood, but... Emily: It's kind of hard when your backyard's a crime scene. Pam: Still? Maya: It's where people come to be close to her. They light candles and leave teddy bears. I get it, but it still feels like her house. Pam: Sure. Emily: I can understand how you're not sleeping. Pam: You know, Maya, why don't you just spend a few days with us? You could sleep in Emily's room. Maya: Thank you. Pam: Mm-hmm. [On the grass] Spencer playing golf - Emily and Maya come to see her Emily: Nice! chuckles So I hear you're gn for varsity Captain? Spencer: Well, I have a sht, so... Emily: If a Hastings has a sht, she takes the sht. Maya: Is that a drinking game? Spencer: Yeah, it should be. Emily: Spencer, this is Maya. Spencer: Oh. Maya: Yeah. New girl who moved into dad girl's house. Can't believe I just said that. Spencer: Yeah, I can't believe you just said that either. Maya: I think Brad Pitt and I are missing the same sensitivity chip. Spencer: It's fine. We're all trying to finda way to deal with it. Emily: Maya and I are going for some caffeine. Do you want to join? Spencer: Oh, I'd kll for a latte,but, um... This is my only time to practice, so... Emily: We'll catch you later. Emily and Maya leave Maya: She's intense. Emily: If you knew her parents,you'd understand. Maya: Mm. [In Rosewood High School] Aria: Can I talk to you? Ezra: Yeah, of course. Aria: I'd like to transfer out of your class. Ezra: Can you come inside for a minute, please? Aria: Yeah. They enter in Ezra's classroom. Ezra: I understand where you're coming from. I just... Wish that you could stay in the class. Aria: This isn't an easy decision. But I feel like it's the right thing to do. Ezra: I can keep my feelings in check. Aria: I can't. And even if I could, I don't want to. It's too hard to sit in this room every day and call you Mr. Fitz. Okay? I can't pretend like I don't know you. So... Will you sign it? Ezra: Are you sure? Aria: Yeah, I'm... I'm sure. Ezra signs the paper Aria just gave it to him Aria: Thank you. Ezra: Mm-hm. Aria leaves the classroom, Ezra stays in Now in the corridor, Hanna & Mona are next to their locker Mona: Okay, I am all for boob jobs, but when I see those, I want to "moo." Both chuckle I spy a Sean. Hanna: I'll see you at lunch. She leaves and joins Sean, they kiss, and leave We now see Emily near her locker. Ben kisses her when she closes it Ben: What's wrong? Emily: You surprised me. Ben: We still on for the movie? Emily: My mom invited Maya to stay with us tonight. Ben: Ohh... What kind of jammies do you think new girl wears? Emily: How would I know? Ben: I'll see you at practice. Voice: Will the following students please come to the office : Emily Fields, Aria Montgomery, Spencer Hastings, Hanna Marin. They gather together, Aria's phone rings Aria: Wait. It's from "A." Hanna, reading the text message: "dad girls walking." [In the office of Rosewood HS] Cop: So let's see... You thought you heard her scream. Spencer: I-I said that, yeah. Cop: And when you three woke up in the barn, Alison was gone, and so was Spencer. Spencer: Yes, I woke up before them, And I realized that Ali was missing, so... Cop: So you went looking for her. Spencer: That's what happened. Cop: I got that. So, what's up? Was this a slumber party, or...? Spencer: Is this an interrogation? Cop: No, just a routine follow-up. Why did you guys all fall asleep? Aria: I guess we were tired. Cop: Tired? Really. Is that how you remember it, Hanna? Hanna: Yeah. Cop: Yeah, you guys were tired. Spencer: Look, we've told you everything we know, just like we did the night she went missing. Cop: I know, and you see, the thing is, it's almost exactly what you said last year-- Almost like it was rehearsed. Aria: Like Spencer said, we've told you everything we know. [At the canteen] Aria: He knows we're lying. Hanna: Lying is not a crime. Spencer: It is when you're giving false statements to the police. It's called obstruction of justice. Hanna: Oh, please! We lied about drinking. But the truth that matters is we don't know anything about what happened to Ali that night. Spencer: We also know about someone who might have wanted to hurt her. Emily: We should have told the police the truth about Jenna's accident the night it happened. Hanna: I wanted to, remember? Aria: We had a chance to do more than just tell the truth. We had a chance to stop Ali. Spencer: But we didn't. And telling the police now about what happened to Jenna Isn't going to make her see again. It'll just ruin our lives. Cane tapping Hanna: Oh, my god, she's back in school too? Aria stands up and walks to Jenna Aria: Jenna? Hey, it's-- it's Aria. Do you... Want to come sit with us? Jenna: Sure. Aria: Okay. Jenna: Thank you. Aria: So you're gonna be between Hanna and Emily, And Spencer's right across from you. Jenna: Thank you. Aria: Yeah. And here's a chair. Jenna: So... This would be Alison's chair, right? Jenna sits down Emily: No. We're not even sitting at that table. Jenna: You know, she came to visit me in the hospital after the accident. Spencer: Alison did? Jenna: Mm-hm. Everyone misunderstood Alison, but I knew exactly who she was. Spencer: When did you get back, Jenna? We heard that you were in Philadelphia, a school for the...Visually impaired. Jenna: You can say "blind," Spencer. It's okay. It's not a dirty word. Big silence Wow. It's so quiet. You guys used to be the fun table. What happened to you girls? Chuckles [Flashback in Alison's bedroom, clothes everywhere] All giggle Ali: I see you! Oh, my god, I can't believe it! Emily: Who was it, Ali? What did you see? Ali: He was in that tree, spying on us! I am so creeped out! Spencer: Who was it? Ali: It was that perv, Toby Cavanaugh. Aria: Are you sure? Ali: Yes, I'm sure! He was right there! I bet he saw us all naked. Aria: Should we tell someone? Ali: I mean, we could. But I have a better idea. [Outside, at night] Fireworks shrieking Aria: Are we sure he's not in there? Ali: He's not, okay? You've got the lighter, right, Spencer? Emily: Let's wait a second. Ali: What, Emily? Emily: I don't want to do this. Ali: Fine. Go back. You're on your own. Aria: Okay, maybe Emily's right. We should just call the cops. They'll take care of it. Ali: Where's the fun in that? Girls, Toby Cavanaugh is a freak, and we need to teach him a lesson. If he thinks he can come and spy on us while we're in your bedroom, Emily, he needs to know that his little domain Is no longer a safe little hideout. Who knows what he does in there all day, that little freak. Spencer: Are you sure that it was Toby? Ali: Yes! And it's a stink bmb, for God's sakes! We're not nuking the place. Now, let's do it. Give me the lighter. Ali throws something in Toby's place so that it explodes explsin Spencer: Ali, what did you do ?! Ali: Come on, let's get out of here. All: Let's go! [End of the flashback - Back in the canteen] All the girls' cellphones chime Jenna: Aren't you gonna get that? They all read the text message [Ezra's classroom] Ezra: Okay, people, let's take our seats. Mona: Am I late? Ezra: It's-- it's Mona, right? Mona: That's right, Mr. Fritz. All chuckle What? Ezra: Take your seat, Mona, please. Mona sits next to Hanna Hanna: It's "Fitz," not "Fritz." Mona: Oops. Ezra: If the mockingbird represents the idea of innocence, what characters are innocent? Take a second. Jot down your ideas. We'll discuss. Aria enters in the class, put a paper on Ezra's desk on which "declined" is written - They stare at each other for a while [At Hanna's] Sean: Thanks. Hanna starts to kiss him. Hanna. Hanna: What? Sean: It's too hard to stop if we go there. Hanna: Oh, come on, Sean. It's just us two. It's okay. They kiss a little Sean: Come on, Hanna, I... She gives up Hanna: You do like me like that, right? Sean: Yes. Hanna: I mean, maybe you... Still think of me as just a friend, the girl I used to be. He kisses her Sean: Do you kiss your friends like that? Hanna: No. Sean: Look... I like the girl you used to be, just like I like the girl you are now. Hanna: Is this waiting thing something you really want, or is it because of your dad? Sean: No, it's me. It's... It's my choice. Ashley comes in the house, she's at the phone Sean: Hi, Mrs. Marin. He clears his throat Ashley: We'll submit the loan docs in the morning. Okay. Great. Thanks. She hangs up Hi. How's the studying going? Hanna: Fine. Ashley: Sean... Please tell your dad we really have been trying to make it to church, but I've been working on the weekends... Sean: Oh, yeah, no. I'll let him know, Mrs. Marin. But it's okay. I mean, he understands. He works on the weekends too. Doorbell chimes Hanna: Cute preacher humor. Ashley: Look who stopped by for dinner. Cop: I brought Thai takeout. Ashley: It's time for Sean to leave. Let's eat in the dining room. [In a café] Spencer: I've decided on the class.. I want to take at Hollis. But it's not for credit, Dad, it's for fun. Chuckles Peter: What's the point of that? Your mom's coming back a day early. She'll be home tomorrow. Aria enters in, Spencer leaves the table to meet her Spencer: Hey. I was gonna e-mail you when I got home. How weird was that lunch? Aria: I'd say on a scale from one to ten... Eleven. Spencer: Yeah. Melissa and Wren enter in the café too Aria: Is that the new fiancé? Is he as uptight as Melissa? Spencer: No one's as uptight as Melissa. Both chuckle I'd better get back. Aria: All right. See ya. Spencer goes back to her table -to the waitress- Yeah. Thank you. [Back to Spencer and her family's table] Waiter: Can I get anyone a drink? Spencer: I'll have a vodka soda. Melissa: She's kidding. Peter: I'm gonna have a glass of the house cab. Melissa? Melissa: The same as my father. Wren: I actually will have a vodka soda. [At Emily's] Maya: So I get your connection to Spencer. You both like to win. Emily: Winning's great, but if I've done my best, I usually feel good about the outcome, no matter what it is. Maya: And Spencer? Emily: Spencer needs to win. Maya looks at a picture on which we can see the 5 girls Maya: Alison was always in the middle-- The center of attention. Emily: Have you ever known anyone like that ? Maya: I usually run from those girls. They scare me. Emily: "Those girls"? Maya: The queen bees. Emily: You seem like a person who wouldn't run from anyone. Maya: Do you have a side? Emily: Sorry? Maya: Of the bed? Emily: I kind of sleep in the middle. Maya: I, um, kind of sleep in the middle too. [At the café] Melissa: Hi/low, anyone? Wren: Hi/low? Spencer: It's a game. You guys don't play it in bed? Peter: Wren, you can play too. Wren: I'm a bit lost. Peter: You'll catch on. Melissa: I'll go first. We just started our first week of class, And I've already been nominated to serve on the business school's leadership commitee. Peter: Melissa likes to play the game when she's fairly certain she'll win. Chuckles Melissa: Guess who I learned that from? Peter: Don't go tasting victory just yet. 'Cause the judge ruled on my brief today, and the class action suit against winslow has been dismissed. Melissa: Oh. Wren: If I don't play, do I still get another drink? Mouths silently Peter: Spencer... You're up. Spencer: Um... Big silence Wren: I'll go. I got a brilliant parking spot today, right in front of the chem lab. Both laugh Melissa: He's just kidding. [In Emily's bedroom] Emily and Maya are in Emily's bed, Maya gets closer to her, she puts her hand on hers Emily's cellphone beeps. She gets up to read the text message she's just received [Hanna's kitchen] Hanna: You're cooking? Cop: 'morning. Over easy okay? Ashley: Of course. [In Ben's car] Ben: So, Maya, now that you two have slept together, you've gotten further with Emily than I have. What should I know? Maya: Good girls don't kiss and tell. Ben: You don't strike me as a good girl. Emily: Shut up, Ben. Ben: So, did you guys get much sleep? 'Cause I wouldn't have. Maya: I don't know about Emily, but I slept like a baby. Coming, Em? Emily: Um, yeah, I'll catch up to you. Maya: Bye, Ben. Ben: Bye. Maya gets out of the car We were just messing around. What are you so weirded-out about? Em kisses him Ben's friend: Get a room, Ben! And rock it! Emily gets out of the car too. Lookin' good, Emily. Hanna arrives You're looking good too. Hanna: I'm sorry, are you talking to me? Hanna & Em leave You okay? Emily: Not really. Hanna: You know, I never thought of you as someone who'd be so comfortable with pda. Emily: Maybe I'm not the person everyone thinks I am. Hanna: Who is? [In front of a cinema] Erza: Aria. Aria: Mr. Fitz! Hi! This is my Mom, Ella. Ella: Oh, Mr. Fitz. The new English teacher. Ezra: Yes. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Montgomery. Ella: Oh, please, call me Ella. We're a very informal family. Are you going to see the movie? Ezra: Yes, I am. It's one of my favorites. Ella: Oh, Aria's too. She's told us a lot about you. Although you forgot to mention the "you're very young" part. Aria: We should get going. The movie's starting. Ella: We'll see you inside. Aria and Ella enter in the movies Ella: And you forgot to mention the "really cute" part. [In front of the movie, starting] Film music playing Ella: Mr. Fitz. Why don't you come sit with us? Ezra: Uh... Yeah. Yeah, okay. Excuse me. He sits next to Aria Ella asks him if he wants some popcorn I'm fine. Thank you. [Emily's room] Pam: You all right? Sighs It's all gonna be okay. I promise you. Everything's gonna get back to normal. Emily: I don't know what normal feels like anymore. Pam: You've been missing her for a whole year. You know, that's a lot to take on. Emily: It's not just that. I think there's something wrong with me. Pam: Honey, there's nothing wrong with you. You lost a dear friend. You need to find a way to say goodbye. What about reaching out to the other girls? Have you talked to them? Have you told 'em how you feel? Emily: In some ways, finding out Ali is really gone has brought us back together... But it's still not what it used to be. Pam: Why? Emily: We were friends because of Ali. Pam: Then use her to get close again. You guys need to find a way to say goodbye together. [Spencer's room] Wren: Still having trouble with that bursa sac? Spencer: I can't take you seriously when you say "bursa sac". Wren: Shall I give you another rub? Spencer: No, that's... That's okay. Wren: Yeah, it's late. Spencer: Well, it's early for me. I have a history test monday and a paper due in Latin. Wren: Ascendo tuun. Spencer: Do you know what you just said to me? Wren: Think so. Uh... "Up yours"? Spencer: Yeah. Okay. Wren: That's the only Latin I remember. Can I help with anything? Spencer: What, with your extensive knowledge of the language? Wren: Yeah. You know, I didn't grow up in a family like yours, so I don't know that kind of pressure, but I can imagine it could be unbearable at times. Spencer: Well, you're not exactly a slouch, Mr. Oxford. I mean, that drive had to come from somewhere. Wren: Yeah. It came from me. My life has been my choice. Spencer: Well, you're lucky. Wren: I'm sorry. I'm being intrusive. Spencer: No, no. You're being nice. Wren: Gehry said that the "hat trick" chair was inspired by an apple crate. Spencer: I didn't realize that you were into design. Wren: Yeah. And I appreciate beauty. They stare at each other and then kiss. Melissa spies on them Spencer: Stop. Stop. We can't-- You can't do this. It's not right. Wren leaves [Spencer's house, the day after] She sees Wren taking his stuff back [In a parking] Mona: This sounds totally gay, but if I saw you struttin' it in that dress and kickin' up those heels, I would think about doing you. Hanna: And we love the necklace? Mona: We adore it. They see the cop staring at them Relax. You actually paid for that. Let's go. Hanna: Um, yeah. I'll be right back. She comes to the cop Are you spying on me? Cop: Just doing my job. Hanna: Look, I'll pay for the sunglasses. I'll pick up trash on the highway. I'll do whatever it takes, but I want you to leave my mother alone. Cop: You see, the thing is, Hanna, I don't care if you were drinking the night Alison went missing. What I care about is you and your pretty little friends knowing who klled her. Hanna: What? Cop: Your mom may be hot, Hanna, but she's not hot enough to make that go away. [In the street, under the rain] Ezra sees Aria, he's in his car, goes away, stops, she gets in the car, they leave [View in Ezra's car] He stops, they kiss [In a café] Flashback All laughing Ali: I got you guys something. Ali gives them little packages Spencer: What's the occasion? Ali: You'll see. Open 'em. They open it We'll be friends forever. Can you put mine on for me, Em? End of the flashback Emily looks at her bracelet [In the Montgomerys' dining room] Byron: We need to talk. You can't keep doing this. You're not very good at hiding your feelings. And your mother knows that something is up. Look, Aria, I don't like to lie, but sometimes telling the truth does more harm than good. Now, when we were in Iceland, you found a way to let go of what happened. Aria: Are you seeing her again? Byron: She teaches at Hollis, so I do see her, but not like that. Sighs Aria: Were you in love with her? Byron: I had very strong feelings for Meredith. And my attraction to her took me completely by surprise. I had no intention of being unfaithful to your mother. And you're too young to understand this, but... The truth is, I... Gave in to my emotions. Ella & Mike come in Ella: Mr. Chung was very happy to see us. Byron: From the looks of all of this food, I'm sure that he was. Ella: We got you kung pao. Byron: You're... You're not going out tonight? Aria: No. No, I think I'll stay home. Ella: I like the sound of that. Byron: Is this good? Mm, yeah. You want some? Mike: Yeah, thanks. Aria: I'm gonna go get out of these wet clothes, okay? She leaves the table Byron: Is it good? Try this? Ella: No, thanks. I'm good. Byron: You're good? Ella: I'm good. Byron: You're sure? Ella: I am good. I think I got too much food. Byron: That's fine. Ella: I told you, Mr. Chung was very happy. [In the street] Jenna: Send text now.	{"type": "series", "show": "Pretty Little Liars", "episode": "01x02 - The Jenna Thing"}	foreverdreaming
[What happened in the previous episode.] Previously on Pretty Little Liars.. Aria: It's too hard to sit in this room every day and call you Mr. Fitz. Okay, I can't pretend like I don't know you. Hanna: I'm really sorry, mom. Ashley: For what? Hanna: The cop. Spencer: We're meeting Melissa's fiancé. Wren: Does she have to know everything? Spencer: Stop, stop. We can't. Wilden: This is no longer a missing person's investigation. It's a mrder. Hanna: Is this waiting thing something you really want, or is it because of your dad? Sean: No, it's me. It's... It's my choice. Maya: So, I'm corrupting you. Ben: What are you so weirded out about? Emily: I think there's something wrong with me. Pam: You lost a dear friend. You need to find a way to say good-bye. [In the woods] Hanna: Whose idea was this, again? Spencer: Emily's mom. Emily: The shed was me. My mom just said we should do something for us. Hanna: Well, couldn't we do something without mosquitoes? Aria: They're not mosquitoes, they're gnats. Hanna: Whatever! They're small and annoying, and they're flying up my nose. Spencer: Well, they're attracted to your perfume. And your hair product. And your lip gloss. Hanna: So, what are you saying, I attract flies? Aria: Gnats. Emily: Why do I feel like this is the wrong way? Spencer: No, this is it. I remember that tree. It's the halfway point. There's 136 steps left to the shed. Emily: Have you been out here since... Alison? Spencer: Me? No. No way. Aria: But you remember that tree. Hanna: You guys, it's not that weird. I mean, we came out here in eighth grade like, every day... even after. Spencer: I think this is totally the wrong place to do this. Whatever you call it.. shrine. Emily: It's not a shrine. It's just a place to remember Alison. What's wrong with that? Spencer: Doing it way out here makes it look like we have something to hide. Emily: You're worried what other people think? Spencer: Well, aren't you? Do you really want to give that creepy Detective more reasons to question us? Emily: Hanna, why are you so quiet? Hanna: I'm trying to keep the bugs in my nose and out of my mouth. Emily: You're allowed to have an opinion on this. Hanna: You want my opinion? I say we hold off and not remember her 'til we know for sure she's not still here. Everybody: What? Aria: What are you talking about? Emily: You think she's still alive? Spencer: Hanna, they found her body. Aria: Stop. I'm officially scared. Can we just not... Hanna: You know, you asked for my opinion. I don't believe she's really gone. Spencer: We went to her funeral! Ashley: Yeah, and when we left we all got a text from her. Emily: It wasn't her. Someone is messing with us. Hanna: How do you know? And what about all those nasty messages? I mean, how does this "A"person know stuff only Ali knew? Aria: Okay, this conversation is giving me a hive. Hanna: That's a bite. Mosquito. Emily: Spencer, have you gotten any more messages? Spencer: Haven't you? Branches rustling Emily: What was that? Did you hear that? Aria: Yes, I heard that. I'm standing right next to you. Hanna: Hello? Is anybody out there? Spencer: It's probably a rabbit. Hanna: Hello? Spencer: It's a rabbit, Hanna. It's not gonna answer you. Emily: Can we just get to the shed? More branches rustling Hanna: Okay, that is definitely not a rabbit. Someone's out there. Emily: Let's turn around. The girls' cellphones ring [Opening credits] [In Hanna's kitchen] Wilden: Morning. Hanna: Where's my mother? Wilden: I guess she ran upstairs for somethin'. I'm trying to figure out what makes this stuff spreadable. You want a waffle or somethin'? Hanna: No. Thanks. Wilden: There she is. It's canola oil! Ashley: Darren, why don't you get dressed? I'll take care of breakfast. Wilden: Yeah. Hanna: So what, he lives here now? Ashley: Take out the milk. Hanna: Is this a permanent thing? Ashley: Would you keep your voice down, please? Hanna: God, it was one pair of sunglasses, and they were last season's. Ashley: Hand me the waffles. Hanna: Mom, you don't have to do this. Ashley: Do what? Hanna: Squeeze his grapefruit. Ashley: We will talk after breakfast. Hanna: I don't eat breakfast, and neither do you. Ashley: Look. Until he gets the store to drop the charges for your shopping spree, we're not kicking anyone to the curb. The last thing we want is an enemy on the police force. Hanna: I get it, okay? But I didn't count on having to buy him a father's day card, either. Ashley: Hanna! The situation is delicate. By the way, if you're buying anyone a card, it should be me. [At a restaurant] Byron: Well, you're pretty far into it. Aria: Yeah, I've got, like, 60-some pages left, and I don't want it to end. Byron: You should read her biography next. Ella: The father-worship thing becomes a lot clearer. Aria: Well, I would worship both of you a lot more... if you got me another one of these. Ella: Uh, the poppy seed? We'll split it. Make sure your father doesn't drink all my coffee, please. Byron: Do you like your teacher? Aria: What? Byron: Your English teacher. Do you like him? Aria: Oh! Yeah. Uh, he's okay. Byron: What's his name again? Aria: Mr. Fitz. Hey, maybe I'll... I'll check out that biography at school. What's it called? Byron: I've got a copy of it in my office. I'll bring it home. It might inspire you. Aria: To what, write a novel? Byron: You've got it in you. Meredith: Byron? Byron: Hey! Hi. How you doing? Meredith: Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. Byron: No, no, no, that's okay. [Flashback in the street where Aria sees his father kissing Meredith] [Back at the table] Byron: Uh... Um, Aria this is, uh, Meredith Sorenson. She also teaches in the department, uh, my department, and this is Aria, my daughter. Meredith: Oh, Aria! Hi. Of course you are. Did you get my message? Byron: Yes I did, and I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to call you back. Meredith: That's okay, they just need he referral by Monday, and... Byron: I'll get to it as soon as I get back to campus. Is there an e-mail, or... Meredith: Here. So, how does it feel to be home? This town must seem a little dull after spending a whole year overseas. Aria: Not really. Byron: Okay, well, I'll, uh... I'll send that before lunch. Meredith: Thanks. I'm so glad I ran into you. Nice to meet you. Welcome home. Meredith leaves Aria: Why can't she graduate? Byron: She has. I told you. She's now a teaching assistant. Not mine, but her office is across the hall. I can't pretend like she doesn't exist, Aria. It's a small college. Aria: Mm, not small enough. [In the Hastings' kitchen] Veronica: You can't avoid seeing people, sweetie. It is what it is. Melissa: And what's that... Sad? Humiliating? Pathetic? All of the above? Just... take someone else. I don't want to have to explain a wedding that's never gonna happen to every last club member. Spencer: Morning. Veronica: Hey. Melissa: Excuse me. Melissa throws wedding magazines in the trash Spencer: Where's Dad? Veronica: He left for the office. Spencer: Already? So he ran without me? Why didn't he just knock on my door? Veronica: He was busy. He was helping Melissa dispose of some things that... Wren left behind. Melisssa: Unfortunately, you weren't one of them. Spencer: How many times am I going to have to say it? Veronica: Oh, girls, please! I can't arbitrate on one cup of coffee. Melissa: Who's calling the paper to pull the announcement? It was hard enough changing my status on Facebook! Veronica: I'll take care of the newspaper. Melissa: What about the engagement dinner? Do I have to make that call? Veronica: No, honey, of course not. Just look up the number and I'll leave a message. To Spencer Where are you going? Spencer: I'll eat in my bedroom. Veronica: Oh, no, you won't. I just dry-cleaned your bedspread. Sit at the table. Spencer: I don't think I'm welcome. Melissa: That's never stopped you before. Spencer: I did not invite your fiancé to kiss me Melissa. For the last time, he made the move on me! Veronica: Spencer, please. Melissa: Right, you just sat there like a throw pillow with your tongue down his throat! Spencer: Look, I get it! You're upset and I feel for you, but don't dump it all on me. Maybe you should be asking yourself why Wren felt the need to... I'm sorry. Okay? I'm not perfect, but I don't want to be accused of something that I didn't do! Veronica: Oh, stop please. Both of you! Go get dressed for school. You can take your muffin to go. [In the street] Mona: Ah! Totally love this color. We should've stocked up on a few more tubes. Hanna: Well, I only have two hands. Keep it. Mona: Why, is your mom asking to see receipts? Sean: It's hilarious. Hanna: Sean! What's so funny? Sean: Nothin'. Noel's just out of control. Mm, you smell good. Noel: Save something for tomorrow night. Mona: What's tomorrow night? Sean: Noel's parents are leaving town. Noel: It means the party of the year is officially on. Think big, think wild, think parental units in a different time zone. Sean: I gotta get to practice. Save that smell. Noel and Sean leave Mona: So, the pressure's on. Hanna: What do you mean? Mona: Not all of us have a Sean to wear to that party, and I'm not gonna spend the night guarding the bushes so you can jump each other's bones. Hanna: Okay, we're not gonna be doing it in the bushes. Mona: Whatever. Have you guys even done it yet? Hanna: It's not a race, Mona. Mona: Okay mom, seriously. No one's pushing you to be natty ho, but you guys have been going out for months. If you're not together in that way, how do you know you're together-together? How long can you wait before you lose him? [Near Hanna and Mona were] Maya: I was going to offer you a ride, but your bike's faster than my car. Emily: I passed you? I didn't even see you. Maya: I saw you. You took that corner on one wheel. Ben: Got ya! Emily: Ben, stop. Ben: Fine. I can wait one more day. Well, you guys heard, right? Noel's doing his cabin party tomorrow night. Maya: Is this one of Rosewood's pagan rituals? Ben: Kinda. There was definitely some howling last year. Emily: Why don't you come with us? Please, come. It'll be fun. [In the corridors of the high school] Ezra: Good morning. Aria: Hi. Ezra enters his classroom Aria: Russian history? Spencer: Yeah. Aria: How many AP classes does it take until your brain explodes? Spencer: I'm already drowning in there. Aria: Why, what's drowning for you, B+? Spencer: First paper's due Monday, and I've written two words. My name. Aria: Well, what's going on? Hey, you're not still freaked out about what happened in the woods yesterday, are you? Look, we do not have to do this thing for Ali until we figure... Spencer: No, it's not just that. It's... It's everything. Is there any chance your family wants to adopt me? Toby & Jenna walk in front of them Emily has a flashback - Toby's carrying Jenna. Maya: Who is that? Emily: Toby Cavanaugh. Maya: Who's he? Emily: He's, uh, an older kid who used to go here and got sent away to a reform school or something. Maya: Why? Emily: He had a... He set fre to a garage, and his stepsister... she was in it. Maya: Should I be scared? Emily: What? No. Maya: See you later. Emily: Bye. Aria: He's back, too? When did that happen? Hanna: Maybe she needs help sending radioactive e-mails. Spencer: Yeah, or he may be sending a few of his own. Wilden: Hanna. Aria: Cops on campus too. Wilden: I just spoke with your principal, asked him if we could have a chat. Hanna: No, I have to get to class. Wilden: Don't worry. You've been excused. Let's go. Hanna & Wilden leave Aria: What is going on? Why just her? Emily: Probably thinks she's the easiest to crack. Spencer: She is. Jenna: Whisper, whisper, whisper. Almost feels like Alison's still here. Flashback in which we see the barn burning and the girls running [In Wilden's office] Wilden: I keep coming back to this ninth grade shaft, of you and Alison on the steps. Hanna: What about it? Wilden: Well, you made a lot of changes between ninth and tenth grade. Lost some weight, started styling your hair like Alison's. Hanna: Is that a crime? Wilden: No, just an observation. Hanna: No, she helped me make those changes. Wilden: Did she, really? Did she ever regret it? Start seeing you as her competition? Hanna: Nobody competed with Alison. You'd be stupid to even try. Wilden: Why? [Flashback at the restaurant of the high school probably] Ali: Ask him. You'll never know unless you ask. Now. Hanna: Um, Sean? Did you hear about the party at Noel kahn's? Sean: I heard. Hanna: I don't know. I was thinking about going, so I'm just wondering if you want to go too, with me. Ali: Everybody's going. She's going, I'm going. Why aren't you? Sean: Oh, yeah, no, I guess I am. [Back in the office] Wilden: What about this guy ? Did she ever talk about him? Hanna: What? Wilden: Stay with me, Hanna. It's important. Hanna: Why? What's the point? Wilden: The point is I'm trying to flesh out the details of that summer. Hanna: So you can ask me how much weight I lost? By making it look like hefty Hanna wanted Alison dad so I could replace her? Wilden: I'm not questioning you as a suspect, Hanna. We're just having a chat. Besides, one can't underestimate how much the past informs the present. Hanna: Really. So, you're still that same party boy you were in the class of '96? Did you call me down here to do keg stands? Wilden: Wow, looks like somebody's been doing their own homework. Hanna: I like to know who's joining us for breakfast. And, by the way, my tenth-grade picture isn't even in that yearbook. I had mono and missed the deadline. Now, my makeup picture is in my living room, which you must've seen while you were wearing a towel. Is that how the police build their cases these days? [In the corridors of the high school] Spencer: What are you doing? Is that a new phone? Aria: Yeah, I'm checking my Kin. I'll just write on Hanna's wall from here. Emily: If she's not answering texts, what makes you think she's checking Facebook? Aria: It's worth a try. Hanna: What's going on? Aria: We've been trying to get ahold of you. What happened in there? Hanna: Nothing, just the same old stupid questions. Spencer: You were in there for an hour, Hanna. What else did he ask? Hanna: Nothing. He just took a couple calls, and I just sat there, waiting for him to shut up. Aria: Well, is he gonna question all of us alone now? Hanna: Who knows? Look, let's do this at lunch, okay? I have to ht the ladies' before my next class. Spencer: Is she being weird? Emily: She's being weird. I'll see you guys at lunch. Spencer: Bye. [In Ezra's classroom] Aria: Hey. Ezra: Hey. Are you here to ask about the homework assignment? Aria: Do you have plans this weekend? Ezra: I'm thinking we should talk about the homework assignment. Aria: So you do have plans. Ezra: I don't. Aria: Okay, well, there's... This opening at the gallery where my mom works, and I promised I'd help out, so if you're free... Ezra: Do you think that's wise, hanging with you and your folks, a parent-teacher conference over free wine? Aria: Okay, fine. It's a bad idea. What... if we met up afterwards? I could tell them I'm going to Noel kahn's party. Ezra: Maybe you should. Go to the party. Aria: Why... would I want to do that? Ezra: So your classmates don't suspect you've lost interest in your peers. Aria: Too late. Ezra, I want... Oh. A woman enters Mrs Welch: Ezra.. Oh, Sorry. Excuse me. Ezra: No, it's fine. Come in, Mrs. Welch. Um. So, are we clear about the homework assignment? Aria: Yes, totally. If I have any questions, I'll reach out to you. Ezra: Great. Aria: Thank you, Mr. Fitz. [In front of Wren's "squat"] Wren: Did your sister send you here? Spencer: God, no. She has no idea I even called you. Things were never great between us, but... now it's like the hurt locker. It just gets worse every day. Wren: I'm sorry to hear that. Spencer: So, you're living here now? Wren: Squatting. It's not exactly the Hastings manor, but I have a whole sofa to myself. Spencer: Wren, I need your help. Wren: We only have the one sofa. Can you sleep on a ping-pong table? Spencer: Look, I need you to tell them what really happened. Wren: I tried. They won't return my phone calls. Spencer: I know I'm not completely innocent in all of this. I've done a lot of stuff that I'm not proud of, but... not that night. I never wanted you guys to break up. Wren: I don't think it would matter what I said. Once your parents decide how they're gonna think of someone, it's royal decree. You're brilliant, you're rubbish. There's very little in between. Spencer: Could you at least try my dad again? Wren: Spencer, put your efforts elsewhere. My guess is that your jail sentence will be commuted the moment you score a winning point or ace a test. Spencer: This might not be that simple. Wren: Give it time. Look, I know I made a bloody mess of it, and I'm sorry for putting you in the middle of it. But perhaps my real mistake was falling for the wrong sister. Spencer: Um, I should go. It's just the 4:00 train, and I have this huge paper to write that's due Monday. Wren: You gotta get back to that wretched place called home, right. [In the girls' locker room of the high school] Emily: Hello? Hello? Anybody here? Hello? Ben appears Oh, God! Ben: Damn! You're jumpy. Emily: How did you get in here? Ben: Walked. Emily: Yeah, well, if somebody catches you... Ben: I'll take my chances. Besides, we need some alone time. Emily: I... need to get dressed. Ben: Don't bother. Emily: I can't do this now. My mom's expecting me. Ben: What's up, Em? Last week you were all over me in my car. This week I'm some marching band geek with funyun breath. What's going on? Emily: Nothing. I've just... got a lot on my mind, okay? Ben: All right. Maybe you need to relax. Emily: Ben, I can't do this right now. Ben: What? Emily: Seriously, stop it. Hey, you're acting strange. Ben, get off me! Get off! Stop it! Toby comes in, and fights with Ben That's enough! Okay? Stop. Ben: Is this creep a friend of yours? Is he the reason you're acting like this? Emily: Ben, get over yourself, okay? Ben: Get over myself? Emily: It's done. We're over. [Ella's office] Ella: The owner refuses to use a computer, which is only mildly irritating, because half of these contacts died during the Reagan administration. That was fast. This is my daughter, Aria. Also known as my savior, because when I got here, there were about three cups. Thank you, my dear. Uh, this is Meredith. She works with your dad. Meredith: We've met, actually. Nice to see you. Ella: Meredith just wandered in. She's looking for somebody who shows alternative art. Meredith: And your mother's been very helpful. Thank you so much, Ella. Ella: Oh, you're welcome. So, we'll see you tonight? Meredith: Mm-hmm. Ella: Okay. Aria: Tonight? Ella: Yeah, I invited her to the opening, which may be a success now that we don't have to eat Cobb salad with our fingers. Thank you. I'll see you later. Meredith: For Sure. Bye-bye. Aria: You can't come tonight. Meredith: Why not? Aria: You know why not, and so do I... But my mom doesn't. Meredith: I don't know what you're talking about. Aria: Look, I saw the way you were looking at my dad yesterday. I have eyes, so just find someone who's available. My dad isn't. [The Marins' kitchen] Ashley: How are you getting home? If there's any drinking, I will pick you up. Wilden: Or I could take you, if you don't mind riding in the squad car. I wouldn't use the cuffs. Hanna: I'll be fine, thanks. Hanna leaves Wilden: What? It was a joke. Ashley: So, have you heard from the store? Are they prosecuting or... or not? Wilden: No, I haven't heard, but I have a call into them, so... Wilden takes a bracelet in Hanna's bag Ashley: What are you doing? Wilden: Where have I seen this before? It's nice. Is that from you? Ashley: Alison gave it to her. Wilden: That's right. She mentioned that at school today. Ashley: Why were you at her school? Wilden: I was interviewing Hanna again. That's my day job. Ashley: Why was my kid being questioned a second time? Wilden: Because she's close to the victim, and because kids keep secrets. Ashley: Not mine. And if you're thinking she knows more than she's letting on, you're out of line. Sticky fingers is a long way off from what you're talking about. Wilden: Okay, easy mama bear. It's just a routine investigation. Ashley: Well, then you're gonna need a search warrant to go through her purse. Wilden: So, can I help with dinner? Ashley: Yeah. She gives him the pizza Have it someplace else. Breakfast, too. [At Noel's] Maya: Come on, lighten up. Emily: I should've stayed home. Maya: Why, 'cause you broke up with somebody? What are you supposed to do, spend the rest of the school year hiding under your bed? Emily: There he is. Maya: Did you do that to his face? Damn. It's a good color on him. Hanna: Hey, Em. Sean: Yo, what just happened? Ben: So, you decided to come after all. Emily: Yeah, I did. Just not with you. [In the Hastings' kitchen] Spencer transfers Melissa's homework on her laptop and puts her name where Melissa's one was written. Veronica enters, Melissa follows Spencer: Hey. Hi, how was the club? Veronica: Chilly. Nobody who works there can figure out a thermostat. Did you eat? Spencer: Yeah, I made some pasta if you're hungry. Melissa: I'm not eating pasta. I don't need to be depressed and fat. Veronica: Good point. I'll make a salad. Let me get out of these clothes. She leaves Melissa: Wren called. He told me you went into the city yesterday to meet him. It was strange. At first I wasn't sure why he was telling me this, but then I realized he's still trying to cover his tracks and yours. Like I'm supposed to believe you took a train down there just to clear your name? You two deserve each other. I thought I was pathetic. [Noel's party] Sean: Ooh! Damn. Did you see that? Hanna: Awesome. Look, can this be your last game? Mona: Whatever. Have you guys...? Seriously. Hanna: I'll be right back. [Outside] Aria: He tackled Ben? What was Toby even doing in the girls' locker room? Spencer: Why are you shocked? Toby's a perv. We caught him peeping through the windows, watching us undress. Emily: Alison's the one who saw him do that. We never did. Hanna: What's up? Aria: Toby Cavanaugh got into a fight with Ben over Emily. Emily: It wasn't over me. God. Look, he just... saved me. Spencer: For what, himself? Hanna: Ew. Aria: If we hadn't asked you about Ben, would you have told us about this? Spencer: Toby is not a good guy, Emily. He could be seriously dangerous. Emily: If he's such a bad guy, why'd he take the fall for us? Aria: Is this another secret? Do you know something that we don't? Hanna: Guys, why don't we just, like chill, and talk about this somewhere else? When we're alone. Aria: I... don't even know what "just us" means anymore. Hanna: Yeah, uh... Let's talk about it tomorrow, okay? Are we still meeting up at the shed? She leaves Aria: Yeah. Yeah, sure. Why not? Emily: Where are you going? Aria: The gallery. I promised my mom. She leaves and Maya comes to Emily & Spencer Maya: Have you checked out the photobooth they've got in there? Emily: No. Show me the booth. [Flashback, in front of Toby's -probably-] Ali (to Toby): I'll make sure everybody knows! (To Spencer) Didn't I tell you to stay over there, and let me take care of this? What did you hear? Spencer: Nothing. Nothing. Emily: What's going on? What happened to Jenna? Ali: It's done. We were never here. Let's go. Hanna: But... Ali: But what? Hanna: What if we said it was an accident? Ali: No, we're not telling anybody anything. Damn it, Hanna. Don't make me sorry I ever included you in the first place. I have gone out of my way to bring your big, wannabe butt into this group. You better keep your mouth shut, unless you want to go back to spending your weekends alone, dance dance revolution and a jumbo bag of chips. Aria: Ali, stop it! Just leave her alone. Ali: I'm sorry, Hanna. I didn't mean that. I'm just freaked out, guys. This is bad. Really bad. I never would've done it if I thought someone was in there. I just... I don't know what's gonna happen... to us. Can we just go? Come on. [Back at the party] Sean: What made you come up here? Hanna: I had some time to kll while you were foosballing. Sean: Hey, I was on a roll! Hanna: I thought you liked contact sports. [In the photobooth] Emily: Ready? Maya: Wait. I gotta prepare. If this comes out decent, I'm gonna cut mine out and replace the one on my driver's license. Emily: Yeah, they're always scary. Maya: No, I skipped scary. I went straight to snooki. Emily: Can I see it? Come on, I'll show you mine. It's probably worse. Maya: No way. What could be wrong with yours? You're crazy beautiful. Emily: Uh, which button is it again? Um, this one. She presses the button Okay. Photos are taken, they kiss, another photo is taken, they leave the photobooth Maya: Think there's any pizza left? Emily: Where are the pictures? Maya: Damn, I told you I break cameras. Emily: No, seriously, where are they? Maya: Probably just ran out of paper. Come on. Let's eat something. [Somewhere near Noel's house] Sean: What are you looking for? Hanna: What do you think? Sean: Hanna, please stop. Hanna: You're kidding, right? I mean, you said you wanted it to be special. This is pretty special, if you're not afraid of spiders. Sean: Oh, it's... I don't wanna do this right now. Hanna: Well, then, where do you want to go? We can't exactly afford a weekend at a five-star hotel. Sean: It's not about where. Hanna: Then what is it about? Is this about me? Tell me. Tell me why this is not happening, and don't start quoting scripture. Sean: Why are you acting like this? Hanna: Like what? Sean: Like you've got something to prove. Hanna: Because maybe I do! Maybe you still think of me as that dumpy junior high girl who laughed at all your jokes and gave you cuts in line and followed you around like some groupie. Sean: No, I... I liked that girl. But... but this one seems... desperate. Hanna: Any guy at this party would be happy to be with me. Why aren't you? Sean: We already talked about this, okay? Take this. It's cold up here. Hanna: Leave me alone. I don't want your stupid jacket. [At the gallery] Byron: Well, you are. Ella: He's just saying this because he has to. Byron: No, I.. Meredith comes in Aria: What are you doing here? Did you forget what we talked about? Meredith: You talked. I listened. Aria: What didn't you understand? You need to leave now. Meredith: Listen, sweetie, I'm not in high school. You don't have any say in this. [Outside Noel's] Mona: Hanna! Hanna, what's up? Hanna! Wait, why are you taking Sean's car? Hanna! [Ezra's apartment] Ezra: Hey. I thought you were helping out at the gallery. Aria: I was. Can I come in? Ezra: I'm not sure if that's a good idea. Aria: I'm s... I'm sorry. This was... a mistake. I shouldn't have come here. I just didn't know where else to go. I'll see you on Monday. Ezra: No, wait. Are you... are you okay? Do you need me to drive you home? Aria: That's the last place I want to be. Ezra: Why? What happened? Aria: Can... can we just... be here for a minute? [In front of Emily's] Emily: Good night Maya. Maya: Godd night Emily. See you. Emily walks to Toby's Emily: Hi. I... I never got a chance to... I just wanted to thank you. I mean... I'm not sure why you... Well, it doesn't matter. Again, thanks. She leaves Jenna: Why is she thanking you? Why is she thanking you? Toby: It's not what you think. [In the woods] Spencer: Alison wanted us across the streetso she could have it out with Toby. Ali had something on him. Hanna: Besides being a total perv who peeped in our windows? Spencer: Yeah, something way bigger, and she was thrat to tell everybody. That's why he took the fall for us. Aria: Why are you waiting until now to tell us? Spencer: I don't know. Ali made me promise, and... I guess I was scared. I thought if we never talked about that night again, it would just go away. Hanna: Well, it's not going away. Not unless we toss our phones and join the Navy. Emily: Look, there's four of usand one freak sending messages. If we just talk to each other like this, I feel like it makes it easier to deal with everything. Aria: I think Emily's right. There's way too many secrets. We shouldn't do this in the middle of nowhere. We should do it where we can see it every day. Hanna: You mean, like, somewhere in school? Aria: No. In town. We should ask if we can put a bench somewhere. Wait, and you know what? Whoever did this to her, if they're still in rosewood, we should make them look at it every day, too. Spencer: What, you hate the idea? Hanna: No. No, I just... I had a rough night. Branches rustle, the girls run Hanna: Look. Spencer: Is that yours? Aria: Alison's.	{"type": "series", "show": "Pretty Little Liars", "episode": "01x03 - To k*ll A Mocking Girl"}	foreverdreaming
[In front of Hanna's house] Hanna's mother talks to a policeman then returns Ashley: I never want to see another police car outside the house. I thought we had finished with it! Hanna: His car is not completely destroyed it can repair it. Ashley: This time I regret I can not do anything for you, you understood me? [In a park] Emily: Your mother was really angry that you're destroying the car of Sean. Hanna: I have not destroyed and damaged I finally everyone reacted very well to the situation. Emily: Oh Hanna: There is no Oh, it is adults that's all. Aria: So there it is the city just put the new bench and flowers will be planted and also there will be a gathering of remembrance. Spencer: From memory? Emily: Bah yeah messages, photos in memory of Alison Hanna: Yeah nice tombstone. Aria: Hanna! Hanna: What! Emily: we should each do something. Hanna: You know I have the bracelet Alison since the day he was found in the woods and I do not want this responsibility. Aria: I do not want. Hanna: One of you should take it I'm serious. Spencer took the bracelet. Spencer: Look at you, a bunch of babies! Anyway there is nothing that A can do or say to embarrass us without endangering this too. Hanna: You sure it's "it"? Spencer: She or he, it makes no difference. Spencer leaves his computer. Aria: What are you doing? Spencer: I will block all messages from people I do not know. Chat, SMS, email the total. fck you see A. Voila, who's next? Emily takes the computer. Mr. Fitz goes by bike Spencer: And here is a lovely rider whose name begins with F. Hanna: Hello Mr. Fitz. Ezra made a hand signal. Spencer: What form Mr. Fitz! Aria takes the computer. Aria: Well I'll do it. Spencer: There's some depth we preferred not to see on a bike and there are no other we love to see on a bike. Hanna: I do not want to see Mr. Glory on a bike. Emily: I refuse to see Mr. Glory in motion, that says it all. Hanna: Mr. Fitz Aria: Hanna! It's your turn. Hanna takes the computer. Spencer: You've talked to Ben? Emily: I have nothing to say. Aria: So it's really finished? Emily: It's nothing, I'm fine. Aria: Okay u say sit. Hanna: It deserves a drum roll is the filles.Ca this time it's finished. Now A can no longer reach us. Spencer: You hear all these nice messages floating in areas all around us. Aria: Yes, and none comes from A. Emily: And that's it's a very good thing. Hanna: Yes this is great, out of sight of the heart. A leaf flies through the wind and sometimes the feet of girls, Aria picks it up. This is a photo of Alison with red writing on it: "Ding Dong the Bitch is dad." The girls look all around them. Aria crumples the paper and they go. [At school] Emily: Hi Maya: Hi. I have a gift for you. I saw AC and I thought it was the prettiest color of the planet. I was right it's beautiful. Emily: It's ... it's very pretty. Thank you. Maya: See you just now. [Cafeteria] Hanna: Why did your parents you have not taken to New York with your sister? You deserve a little break to you too right? Spencer: Not as much as Melissa. Oh nice your scarf. Emily: Thank you. Hanna: It's a new one? Emily: No! Hanna's laptop sounds Aria: Bah answers will go ahead! At least now there is that it can be. Emily Hanna! Hanna: It's my father! Hanna picks. Hanna: gosh hello! Hanna goes. Emily: But I thought they did it was not spoken since he left the house?! Aria: I know nothing. Spencer: relationship with her father that this is the kind of thing we avoid too much talk. Aria: We had just stopped to look. Aria's laptop sounds. Aria: The Buzzed my brother just appear on my laptop. Spencer: What did you put in your favorites? Aria: Yes a moment of weakness. Toby and Emily face Toby: Sorry. Emily: It's my fault. Aria: It may be A you just shake. Spencer: It s'ne damn, we are not finished with A?! Aria: Yes ... But me, I continue to avoid Toby. Spencer: Yes, and Jenna. Emily: Yes I think that's what is wisest. [Hanna on the phone with his father] Father of Hanna: I could not go back to Pennsylvania without seeing you! But if you have other things to do ... Hanna: Oh nan dad I expected nothing tonight. Father of Hanna: Then I go to take around 7am, it suits you? Hanna: It's great I told Mom. Um ... Dad? Father of Hanna: Yes? Hanna: Does mom ... Father of Hanna: Does mom what? dear Hanna: Nan drops. See you tonight. Father of Hanna: Yes to earlier. Hanna: Goodbye. [Classroom of M.Fitz] Aria: Hi. Ezra: Hi. Aria: Uh ... I saw you walking around town the other day by bike. Ezra: Yeah. I also saw you, I made you a sign you remember? I wanted to stop but you were not alone. Aria: Yes indeed my friends you found it sexy. Ezra: You, you said what? Aria: I, I was a little embarrassed that my friends find you as sexy. It was a bit odd given the circumstances. Ezra: What is Aria circumstances today? If you know me said me there because I'm clueless. Aria: Me too. It's not all that reasonable. Ezra: Nan so I can tell you ensure that it not have it. Aria starts from Ezra: But we need to talk. It has things that we must speak not only between classes, I'd be home tonight I might suggest one or two dishes that I know almost cooked. I wanna talk to you and not when you're at your desk or when you're hidden behind the crest of Dan Farren. Aria: What time do I have? Ezra: 7 hours. Aria: 7 hours is good. [High School Corridor] Hanna: He must spend two weeks in New England but he made a detour to see me. Aria: It's ... it's great Hanna! Hanna: What? Emily: Do you think it would come just because of Sean's car? Hanna: No of course not, we talked about it and it is not at all because of that. And even if it did all that matters is that he comes to see me. A professor: Spencer! Spencer: Mr. Cheldré?! A teacher: I wanted to tell you but you being here is, it's remarkable that you did on the history essay. Spencer: Oh thank you. A teacher: A very clear presentation. Spencer: This is not new as an idea. A teacher: I introduced him to the orchid gold. Spencer: You what?! A teacher: It is only prestige but the real interest of winning this competition is the impact on university applications. Spencer: But no ... A teacher: We will see the details after class. Hanna: What is the orchid gold? Spencer: A national competition of essays on history. Emily: It'll allow you a little more lather. The bell rings. Aria: Go to any hour. [Hall of Chemistry] Toby: Hi. Emily: Hi. You're there for the chemistry course? Toby: I'm starting today. Emily: Cool. Toby: You wore a scarf this morning! Emily: Yes it's true I took it off. Toby: You were pretty with. Emily: Thank you. Professor of Chemistry: Go there you sit. (He tells Toby place next to Emily.) Emily: Not here please. Pity pity pity pity. Toby: Well bah it is a partner of chemistry, it does not bother you? Emily: No. Emily opened her chemistry book and find the photos taken with Maya including one where they kiss at the Christmas party Kahn. [At Aria's] Aria: I'm here. Ella: Oh! Aria: A special chicken in the middle of the week! Ella: Yes, your father loves it. I wanted to please him. Vegetable nuggets that you're going? Aria: infact I wanted to dine at Spencer. Ella: Oh agreed and Mike sees some friends, so I think your father is I will be home for us all alone. Aria: Well that's great. [Flashback] Alison: This is not your father's car? Aria and Alyson Meredith sees Byron kiss in his car. Alison: We need you to tell your mother! Aria: Say what? Alison: Aria! You saw your father kissing your father kissing another woman that your mother finally you must tell him! Aria: And how do you want me to tell him that? Alison: I know. But it is imperative that you tell him. Aria's laptop sounds. Aria: He is my father. Alison: Unhook not! Aria: But I must answer him. Alison: He will try to convince you to say anything, it is imperative that she knows the truth! You must tell him Aria before she learns by someone else. Otherwise you lose them both. [End of flashback] Aria: Mom! Ella: Yes? Aria: I ... I sting you a carrot. Ella: Yes. [In Spencer's] Hanna: I would love to have a sister for him intelligent sting his duties. Spencer: I have a duty to my sister for not getting tired, I have not looked further. If I tell Cheldré to withdraw my application it will guess that I cheated. Hanna Spencer what makes you think you're going to win this competition? Oh yes I forgot you have it in my blood. Spencer: Well, try it with. Hanna: I have found the perfect outfit, my father has not seen me since I lost weight. Spencer: This jacket is not you. Hanna: So it's perfect. Spencer. Spencer: What? Hanna: Are not you curious? Spencer: It blocked the unknown numbers that's it. We faced up all together. Hanna: Nan finally yes I know, I was wondering if you had cheated. Spencer: Nah. Hanna: Okay, me neither. [Bar where Maya works] Emily: Maya can I talk for a second? Look! Emily shows him the photos taken during the evening of Noel Kahn. Maya: Oh, great hast found. But where were they? Emily: In my book of chemistry. It is you who have put in? Tell me if you did I would not be angry. Maya: There's no material to be angry. I think we're very pretty. Emily: Thou hast put into my book? Maya: No, no. Emily did not put yourself in this state, I guess someone has to pick the party. Emily: And the person that looked at what we are kissing it's embarrassing. Maya is going to Emily: Maya. Maya: I have to work back. [At Hanna's] The door rings. Tom (Hanna's dad): Hanna! Hanna: Dad! Tom: Oh what are you're thin is almost nothing left to tighten. Hanna: I missed you. Tom: You too. Hanna: I'll get my bag. Ashley: Hi Tom. Tom: What's up Ashley? How are you? Ashley: It's OK. Tom: You're in the air. So are you ready? Hanna: Yes. Ashley takes its business. Tom: Hmm Ashley it was probably misunderstood about this evening, infact I wanted to take the opportunity to be alone with Hannah. Ashley: Oh, then I can not understand indeed. Tom: No no it's my fault. It'll be eh darling just you and me? Hanna: Well ... yes. Ashley: Good evening. Tom returned too late. Tom: Yes of course. Hanna: Hi Mom. Ashley: bye have fun. [In the street] Tom: This is a new car so it not bother you if I led? Hanna? Hanna: It's about the car of Sean! Mom you're all about? Tom: It's a bit more complicated than that. Hanna: So let me try to s'simplifier things. If you came to me engeuler case was to go home and finish. Nan also engeule me here so the neighbors can enjoy watching! Tom: I'm not back to you engeuler, I'm here to help you went through a difficult period. You're a good Hanna, you have always been but occasionally you're a scared too enthusiastic. Remember when you climb the trees when you were little you always had me to help you back down. We'll get by, I promise. So if you want you can go to dinner dined, if you want to go in the middle of sh*ting Jollyrogers you can go. It is you who selected agree? Hanna: Yeah agree. Tom: Princess. [Ezra's Apartment] Aria: Do you use it? Ezra: Like clipboard. But it helps me remember that there was literature before the laptops. What do you think? Aria: It's pretty. I love thank you for asking me. Ezra: It's normal. How are things with you? Aria: Oh okay, my mother and my father dined alone together tonight. Ezra: Maybe they will fix things. Aria: I think all head to heads of the world will not help, she will be devastated when she learns the truth. Ezra: Aria, It has happened to you to think that your mother knew perhaps more than what you thought? Aria: No she knows nothing and that's the worst finally it's almost the worst. Ezra: But maybe your parents have come to some sort of agreement that you are not aware of? Aria: No that is not possible. What is an agreement for you? Ezra: Ok uh when I was 12 my parents separated my brother and I were not understood, I learned later that they had had affairs, they were pardoned their infidelities but it is another thing that klled their marriage. Aria: But then it comes to your family, not mine. What are you trying to tell me? Ezra: I just wanna say that this is not because your father was involved in these stories that it is up to you to solve their problems. Aria: But that's not what I'm trying to do, I just try to live with that. Ezra: But it is for them to live it. You do not realize that your parents have to sort it out between themselves adults. Aria: Among adults? Ezra: Yes Aria: So I'm not mature enough to handle the situation? Ezra: No, I did not say that. Aria: I think that's exactly what you said. You say I'm a girl and that I should mind my own business. Ezra: No, I assure you I did not say that. Aria: If you think I am a child so why you invited me here? Ezra: I had invited you here because I do not consider you as a child, this is also why we must understand what is happening between us. Aria: Okay so let my parents out of it. Ezra: It's you who came to tell me about your father you remember? Aria: infact I think I made a mistake in coming here. Ezra: I think not. Aria: But I am sure. In any case it is certainly not an adult would have done it. [Classroom] Hanna: It was, it was great. Incredible I swear. Emily: And it took you where? Hanna: In Jollyrogers. Aria: That sucks this amusement park. Hanna: Nah it is not zero at this point and anyway it does not go on the Ferris wheel. We walked, we talked. I told him what was happening. Not worry I'm not all about him, he just listened. You go to account-he wants to make a real dinner is tonight, he has things to tell me, I do not know I think he wants to spend more time with me. It may take me on vacation in Maryland. Emily: Are you serious? Aria: You want to go? Hanna: I do not emménagerai there at least not for every day. I want to leave Mom alone but I'd like to see my father more. Spencer: Wouha Aria: I'm happy for you. The bell rings. Ezra: I was wondering if at the end of the novel some of you do feel troubled by the hypocrisy of Adicus. I mean there Mr. procedure when it comes to Tom Robinson and then when he is sab Youwell Bob is ready to accept the decision of the sheriff. Spencer: It tries to protect Bouradlé. Ezra: The protection of what? The legal system? Adicus is an officer of the court and conspiring to cover a horrible crime and he is more willing to accept that his son paid for the act committed by Bouradlé. Aria: It is a market. Ezra: What market? Aria: Mr. Youwell would have klled her children and Brou saved them. Adicus always felt guilty vis-à-vis Tom Robinson when he offered to save James Brou. It's like a sacrifice Ezra: Very noble. Too bad James was unconscious. You think he would have a different opinion? Aria: No he would agree. Ezra: You are on this? Aria: He was well educated. Ezra: I will take Mr. Sperlling, you want to add something? With all your cool. M. Sperlling (pupil): Well, James's father was a lawyer, he might have succeeded to get his son away. Being well educated has nothing to see in all this. Ezra: Yeah? The book teaches us what we do as an adult in time did you pay any attention? M.Sperlling: Nah I just want to say ... Ezra: Nan nan nan what you're saying is that Aria has tried to understand this book and not you. M.Sperlling: Nah I did not say it M.Fitz. Ezra: So what did you mean? M.Sperlling: Well I'm sure qu'Adicus have managed to get his son away more easily than Brou that's all. [High School Corridor] Emily packs his things in his locker and see school children laughing on one side and the other Toby opened his locker where does a lot of foam. [Restaurant] Tom: Thank you. This is a great honor to go out with you two nights in a row. You think Sean will be jealous? Hanna: I have not spoken to him since the memorable evening. Tom: Last night I hoped you would like to mention what happened between you two. Hanna: I was enjoying myself too much for that. Tom: I feel that all this has nothing to do with him and I think something else is happening. Hanna: it is something else going on? Tom: How do you feel about what happened to Alison? Hanna: I know but it's true that sometimes I really want to get away, to go away from here. Tom: In a place where you would empty your head, in a place where you would see things differently. Hanna: Yes that is exactly what I mean. Tom Hanna, there are two other things that should be discussed. Hanna: Oh yeah and what is it? Tom: Oh, here they are. Isabelle: Good evening. Tom: Good evening. Kate: Hi Tom. Tom Hanna Isabella I present my bride. Hanna: Your betrothed?! Isabelle: I'm so happy you met Hanna. Tom: And here's the daughter of Isabella Kate, let me introduce Kate Hanna. Kate: Hanna. Tom: I thought it was time to make introductions. [In Spencer's] Sound of a door. Spencer: There's someone? Wren: Uh oh. Spencer: Who's there? Wren: I can not believe it, where are you? Oh, I took it for you in the garden. Spencer Wren, tell me what are you doing here? Wren: I came to fix the situation. Spencer: You're drunk! Wren: I could not come without a little lift, especially at the castle of Hastings. Spencer Wren I thought you were a mrder, you're sick! Wren: I tried but you had called my number blocked. Spencer: No, no I did not have your number blocked. I ... Do you came through the back door. Wren: I had some trouble locating the main entrance. Spencer Wren! Get out! Immediately! Wren: I have thought only of you since you came to see me, I was a coward but it is finished tonight I intend to endorse any my responsibility. Call your father. Spencer: I call someone my parents are in New York with Melissa. Wren: I'll leave. Flower pot falls to the ground Spencer: Great. Wren: Hi. Spencer: Yeah great. Wren: Your face, your lovely face. Spencer: Do you want a good cup of coffee? Wren: I drank a lot of tape I had better not mix. Spencer: Come here. Wren: I am pleased to be here. Spencer: You're crazy! You made me this one is scary! Wren: I'm sorry. [Ezra's Apartment] Aria hits Aria: That sucks I've never been so uncomfortable in my life. First you filled my immature side and then you have this kind of reaction in class, you make them believe I'm your little protected, I bet everyone felt that something was odd. But no no but what's that? You played what? You wanted to teach me a lesson or something, because it's stupid and I have no need. And you know nothing at all about my parents then avoids assuming they have some sort of arrangement or agreement or I do not know anything because you do not know them and you do not know me either . Is that clear? Ezra: It's true you're right. Aria: Oh you think? Ezra: Yes I know nothing about you. [In Spencer's] Wren: I'm sorry for all this mess Spencer: I nettoierais later. Wren: No I do not speak of geranium. Spencer: Why have you said you had to drink to talk to my dad? Wren: For a lot of complex psychological reason but because he has that terrorized me to death. Spencer: It is not so bad once we know Wren: Things will return to normal at last account. Spencer: Yes what passes for normal here anyway. Wren: I thought you wanted nothing changes? Spencer: I think so. I really know I've never known anything else. I did not want to hurt Melissa. Wren: Yeah. Spencer: It's like South Korea and North Korea between us but that's my sister, that's what counts. Wren: Well I think I'm fairly imposed. Spencer: You're not driving in this state. Wren: I will not go to Philadelphia. I have a room to Edwougd Motorcorte. Spencer: You will go nowhere, you're giving me a key. Go on. [The restaurant] Kate: I turned around and Jeff was behind me, at that time he was so focused on the fact of beating me he forgot to raise the rudder when we approached the beach, he was stuck on the I have high foreheads and has slipped down to the beach and make my bow. Isabelle: Hanna of sailing you do? Hanna: No. Isabella: Oh you should. Kate would give you lessons, this is an excellent teacher. Kate: Especially with beginners. Isabelle: It might be fun for both of you, go out by boat. Hanna: To see which one will return alive Kate: This is a joke? Hanna: Of course it's a joke. And that's a fork. Tom: Oh, I wanted to tell Hanna, I had a conversation with the father of Sean and everything should work out. Hanna: You've spoken with his father? Tom: Hmm hmm. He gave me an estimate of the damage you caused to his car and we agreed to fix the problem without the insurance companies. So I will make him a check and you're working for the amount of compensation, assisting the mother of Sean. Hanna: His mother is a dentist. Tom: But you do not soigneras teeth, you will do some cleaning and some secretariat, you will answer the phone. After school and on weekends. Kate: it can be interesting. Hanna: Yeah I'm fascinated by dentistry, do not you? I love the plates of tartar, cavities, veneers, pills ... Hanna's laptop sounds Hanna: Sorry. [In the street] Toby: How are you? Emily: It's going to thank you. Finally we both can go when you leave the garbage. Toby: You know I am well aware that you're not overjoyed to have me as a partner in the lab. Emily: No, that's it bother me Toby: Really? You would not trade if you had the choice? Yeah I understand, it is necessary that you make people pay attention to you regularly. I know many people think I'm crazy, anyway I can do anything about it. Emily: Yeah you have to have sacrament tired of idiots who come fill you your locker with shaving cream, which come laugh at you, tell tall tales about what you are. Toby: Yes it's tough stuff like that piss me off and I do not disagree but I can not help it. As you said this is stupid. Emily: Sorry Toby: You've noticed is how we do not stop to say you're sorry every second. Emily: Sorry. Toby: What I was saying. Emily: The other day in chemistry, there was something in my book, there were the pictures you have seen? Before I close my book, you've had time to see them? Toby: I got the impression that you want anyone to see them, I can understand that. Emily: Really? Toby: You swim forever? Emily: Yes, always. Toby: And you swim because the public is watching you or because this is what you love? Emily: Well ... I swim because I love what I feel when I did. Toby: So just forget all these idiots, they will never see what they want even if you wanted any change in you, all those that you are not their suffirai. They do not care that you change it you spineless disparaisses. I tried I hated. Emily: And now you're back Toby: Yeah that's it. Emily: See you tomorrow. Toby: See you tomorrow. [In Ezra's] Ezra: You're lucky! My kitchen is always better reheated. I make very good rest. Nah not laugh, laugh nan nan after you will not expel pasta through the nose and must be pliers to pull them out. I'm sorry for what is being spent. I wanted you to be gone from my house, I was stupid, I should not have. Sperlling to pick on like that ... I'm not proud of my reaction. Aria: But you were right about me. I like fixing things and in my family it is I who organizes and negotiates, I do everything to make connections and that is welded. Ezra: What are you afraid at the bottom? Aria: To see things change. But that does not help what I do, I think that that fixed the situation. Ezra: It is human nature to cling to what we already possess. Aria: I feel like my Aunt Ruth. She has stuffed his dad cat and when you come home there Mugsi on the piano and he is there and she speaks, there is no huge difference between u and Mugsis living Mugsi stuffed after all it is a cat. Aunt Ruth is very happy like that and leave us all goose bumps. I could fix anything and if ever ca can arrange it to my parents to manage. All I can do is tell the truth. I must go. You want me to help you store? Ezra: Well ... you could stay? Aria: No. I must speak to my mother. Ezra: You are about to want to do this? Aria: Yes I am. [In front of the motel] Wren: How are you going back? Spencer: Do not worry about me. Wren: I meant I would have liked to meet you before. They kiss. Back with me. Spencer: I've done very stupid things lately and my quota is exceeded. Wren: Goodnight Spencer. Spencer: Goodbye Wren. [Hanna's Car] A dedication to a song on the radio Hanna. "I do not need you anymore" Spencer: So no matter what you believe, it's not what you think. Hanna? Hanna: It was a matter stronger than us. [In the street] Emily: Good evening. Maya: I do not know what I must do, or kiss you Serer hand. There's certainly plenty of video surveillance camera. Sorry. Emily: Do not be. It's true you have all right to be angry against me Maya: I'm not sorry. Emily: I was wrong of me to take you to the photos Maya: Do you want me for photos or for the kiss? Emily: I loved that kiss, I know not what it means. Maya: You spend a little too long to ask you what things mean: a snapshot, a kiss, a scarf. Emily: There is so much jostling in my head. I just wanna know how to react. Maya: What you need now? Emily: Now, a little space not only with you but with my mother, with all the world. Maya: I'll leave all the space you want. Okay? Emily: Thank you. Maya: Good night. Maya: I treasure you, then I would wait. Nan said nothing that is not worth it I just wanted you to know [At Aria'] Aria: Mom! I must speak to you this is important, there is something you should know. Mom? Ella handed him a sheet, written on behalf of A revealing the binding of Byron. [In Spencer's] Hanna: Well what do we do for A, it's true he or she never knows he or she stopped and called radio stations to make signings, what do we do then? Spencer: I have no idea. Hanna: But you're the one who wanted to block our messages. Spencer: And everyone followed you remember? Hanna: Yeah, we stay together great. Spencer! Spencer: Someone came here! The bracelet Alison. Emily and Aria receive a S.O.S Spencer. [Spencer's House] You can see the mirror Spencer, writing "It will not be that easy bitches-A. "In lipstick. Hanna: It's red jungle Emily: The color of Alison. END	{"type": "series", "show": "Pretty Little Liars", "episode": "01x04 - Can You Hear Me Now?"}	foreverdreaming
[INT. TATTOO PARLOUR-NIGHT] Tattoo Artist: (Finishes the final touches on “ENGLISH, PERCY & FITZ”.) Set of sleeves all in a couple of months. Takes guys years to get the kind of ink you’ve done. (Micheal puts his shirt back on) Micheal: I don’t have a few years. (Fixes his collar) Wish to hell I did. (He gives her a few bills) CUT TO: [EXT. CHICAGO-NIGHT] (Pan over of Chicago nightlife.) (Micheal walks through his high rise apartment to a large wall covered in newspaper clippings and starts tearing them down, revealing a large window. He puts the articles into a box. Then Micheal takes the hard drive chip from his computer and walks out onto the balcony. Giving a sigh, he heaves it into the river.) CUT TO: [EXT. CHICAGO SAVINGS BANK-DAY] CUT TO: [INT.MAIN AREA OF THE BANK-DAY] Micheal: (Fires three rounds into the air, then points the gn at the clerk) The vault. Open it. Clerk: We can’t. The branch manager’s not here. Micheal: (Looks away and back at her.) Where is he? Clerk: (She has the side of her head glued to the counter.) It’s lunchtime, he’s at Whitecastle. Micheal: (Surprised) Whitecastle? Clerk: It’s a fast food restaurant that serves those little square burgers. Micheal: I know what it is. (Fires another two rounds in to the air, then points the gn back at her.) I’m not playing games. Clerk: Sir, you have half a million in your bag already. Don’t you think it would be better…? (Police sirens wail right outside. Micheal puts his hands up, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens them again he’s smiling slightly and turns.) Police Officer: This is the police, you are completely surrounded. CUT TO: [EXT. SAVINGS BANK-DAY] (Police Officers are stationed behind their vehicles, pointing gn at the bank entrance.) Police Officer: Put down your wapon. CUT BACK TO: [INT. MAIN AREA OF THE BANK-DAY] (Micheal pulls another gn from its holster, raises both hands into the air and drops them.) COLD CUT TO: [INT. COURTROOM-DAY] Judge: Rarely in the case of armed robbery do we hear a plea of no contest. Are you sure about this, Mr.Scofield? Micheal: (Sitting in the defendant’s chair) I’m sure Your Honor. Veronica: You Honor, we’d like to recess if we could, me client’s a bit confused at the moment. Micheal: I’m not Your Honor. (Veronica looks at him.) Veronica: He is Your Honor. (They both look at each other.) Judge: Perhaps you should heed your representations advice; take some time to consider your response. Micheal: I’ve already done that Your Honor. (Micheal and Veronica look at each other again. Veronica looks confused. Micheal looks back to the judge.) Judge: I’ll retire to my chambers to determine sentencing. Courts recessed until one thirty. (People move to get up and Micheal looks at a kid sitting in the public benches. The bailiff gently nudges Micheal to get up and Veronica starts collecting her things.) LJ: (Standing) Uncle Mike Micheal: I didn’t want you to come. (He gets cuffed.) Go home LJ. (As he gets taken away) I didn’t want you to see this. (He is escorted from the courtroom, leaving LJ, who lingers, looking disappointed.) CUT TO: [INT. HOLDING CELLS-DAY] (Micheal is being led to his cell, with Veronica in tow.) Micheal: He’s not going to take this well. Veronica: Can you blame him? He’s beginning to get the idea that anybody he attaches himself to is going to end up in jail. And he’s not the only one who’s starting to feel that way. (She moves up to the bars.) Can you leave us alone for a moment? Bailiff: (Locks up Michael’s cell) One minute. Veronica: Don’t you understand. You just put the book in that woman’s hand and she’s going to lob it at you like a grenade. Justice and punishment are the same thing to her. Micheal: I know. Veronica: Then will you please tell me what’s going through your head? Micheal: We’ve been over this. Veronica: I’ve known you my entire life. You don’t have a violent bone in your body and I know you didn’t need the money. (Micheal hasn’t really been looking at her, but now he turns to face her.) Micheal: Veronica. Veronica: Let me help you. Micheal: You’ve been good to me, my whole life. But you gotta let me deal with this, okay? CUT TO: [INT. COURTROOM-DAY] Judge: Given your lack of prior criminal record I am inclined towards probation. However the fact that you discharged a deadly wapon during the commission of the crime suggests malice to me, for that reason I find it incumbent that you see the inside of a prison Mr. Scofield. It says here that you’ve requested to be incarcerated somewhere near your home here in Chicago. I’m willing to honor that. The closest level one facility- Veronica: (Having varying emotional phases throughout this speech, protests) Level one! That’s maximum security, Your Honor. Judge: I would ask counsel to refrain from interrupting me. (She looks back to Micheal.) As I was saying, the closest level one facility would be Fox River State Penitentiary. As for the term of your sentence, I’m setting it at five years; you’ll be eligible for parole in half that time. Sentence to be carried out immediately. (Zoom in on Michaels face, as the gavel sounds the end of sentencing.) CUT TO: [EXT. FOX RIVER STATE PENITENTIARY-JOLIET, ILLINOIS-DAY] (Pan over the Penitentiary.) CUT TO: [INT. PRISON PROCESSING AREA-DAY] Officer: Okay people, step inside the door. Keep the line moving. Let’s go. We ain’t got all day to get this done. Keep it moving. Move it. Captain Bellick: Name and back number. Micheal: Scofield, Micheal. 94941. Captain Bellick: You a religious man Scofield? Michael: Never really thought about it. Captain Bellick: Good, because the ten commandments don’t mean a box of piss in here. We got two commandments and two only. The first commandment is you’ve got nothing coming. Michael: What’s the second commandment? Captain Bellick: See commandment number one. Michael: (Smirks and looks away) Gotcha. Captain Bellick: You talking out the side of your neck? Michael: (Questioningly) Come again? Captain Bellick: I said are you being a smartass? Michael: (Deadpan) Just tryin to fly low, avoid the radar, boss. Do my time and get out. Captain Bellick: (Menacingly) There isn’t any flying under my radar. Michael: Good to know. (Close up and Michael’s medical sheet. “Type 1 Diabetes.”) CUT TO: [INT. CELL BLOCK-DAY] Black Prisoner: (As a guard walks by) Hey, can a brother get some air conditioning up in here? (Prisoners are trading items, shadow boxing, etc. Michael looks on with subdued interest.) Black Prisoner: (Shouts from a cell across the way.) Yo fish, what you lookin at? You’re kinda pretty to be up in here. (A line of prisoners walks through the bottom deck, coming in from outside.) Sucre: I suggest you take a seat fish. (Flipping through a magazine.) Ain’t nothing to do up in here but serve time and nobody gonna serve it for you. (One of the prisoners gets shanked and falls. The line melts away and his moans can be heard over the increasing riot.) Welcome to Prisonyland fish. (Zoom out to see the entire cell block.) CUT TO: [INT. VERONICA’S LIVING ROOM-NIGHT] (Veronica leans against the window, her fiancée pads down the stairs and comes to a halt at the bottom of the stairs.) Sebastian: You wanna talk about it? Veronica: Eh, it’s not worth talking about. Sebastian: If it’s what keeping you up it is. Veronica: It’s, just. It’s nothing. Michael’s case. Sebastian: You did the best you could. Veronica: Yeah, but he didn’t. He just sot of rolled over. Didn’t put up a fight. It’s not like him. (Sebastian looks down and Veronica rolls her eyes.) I’m sorry; I shouldn’t be talking about him. Sebastian: Hey, if it’s on your mind, it’s on your mind right? Goodnight. (He goes back upstairs and Veronica looks out the window.) CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON-DAY] (Close up on a sign “Sit down when shts are fired.” shts of prisoners coming in.) Sucre: (Gestures to different areas.) Berendo’s got the hoops. Artenio’s got the bleachers. Woods got the weight pile and the CEO’s got the rest. I’m telling ya, the guards are the dirtiest gng in this whole place. The only thing seperatin us from them is the badge. Michael: Who’s the pet lover? Sucre: He’ll deny it but he’s D.B. Cooper, parachuted out of a plane thirty years ago with one and a half million in cash. Michael: Doesn’t look like the type. Sucre: Who does? (His attention turns.) Hey what up wholesale. You okay? Friend: Call me greater later. What you doin with this fish man? Sucre: (Boasting) My new cellie, Wholesale got a wired out of compensary. Anything you want, he can get it for you. Friend: You keep handin out my jacket, I’m gonna bust your grape. Sucre: Man you couldn’t bust a grape or nothing with a pair of cleats. (Michael walks away, tuning them out. He focuses on the midpoint between two yellow fre hydrants and a spray of steam. Michael drops his magazine over the sewer grate and bends down, going through the motions to pick it up. Instead, he slides it between the slats, where it drops into the dirty water.) Michael: (Getting up.) I’m lookin for someone. (Looks at them.) Lincoln Burrows. Friend: Link the Sink. Michael: (Walking back over to them.) Is that what they’re calling him now? Friend: Yeah, isn’t he as in he’ll come at you with everything but the kitchen sink. Snowflake. Michael: Where can I find him? (sht of Lincoln crouching on the other side of the chain linked fence. Michael and Sucre lean on the fence.) Sucre: Man klled the Vice President’s brother. In a month he’s getting the chair, which means no one up this river is more dangerous than him cause he’s got nothin to lose now. What are they going to do? kll him twice? Michael: Is there a way I can get to him? Sucre: (Makes a guttural no sound.) The only time those boys get out is for chapel and P.I. Michael: (Calmly) P.I. What’s that? Sucre: Prison Industry. The guys that get along get to work painting, scrapping, making mattresses u name it. I wouldn’t get excited though if I were you fish. You ain’t sniffin none of P.I. Michael: Why’s that? Sucre: Cause John Abruzzi runs it. (Nods off into the distance.) Michael: John Abruzzi, John Abruzzi? Sucre: (Confirming) John Abruzzi, John Abruzzi. Why do you want to see Burrows so bad anyways? (Close sht of Michaels face.) Michael: Because he’s my brother. (Sucre gives him a second glance as Michael moves away from the fence.) (sht travels quickly through the underground tunnel.) (Commercial Set.) COLD OPEN TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-DAY] (Michael is folding an origami duck. sht pans up to close in on Michael’s somber face.) CUT TO: [INT. FOX RIVER VISITING AREA.-DAY] Lincoln: They denied the motion. Michael: So do it again. Lincoln: I can’t. They set the date for May 11. That’s the day man. That’s the day that uh…u know they uh…execute. (Michael is very solemn.) Michael: I know. (Takes a deep breath and looks away.) Lincoln: I didn’t kll that man Michael. Michael: (Looking sickened) The evidence says you did. Lincoln: I don’t care what the evidence says, I didn’t kll that man. Michael: (Tears thrat to pour down, fiercely.) Swear to me. Lincoln: (Looking him straight in the eye.) I swear to you Michael. Michael: (Nods, regaining some control.) But how could they get it wrong then. The courts, the appeals. Lincoln: Don’t know, don’t know. All I keep thinking looking back on it is that I was set up. And whoever it was who set me up wants me in the ground as quick as possible. CUT BACK TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL] (sht stays on Michael’s face.) Sucre: What’s another word for love? Michael: What’s the context? (Looking at him from the cell door.) Sucre: Oh you know, the I love you so much I ain’t never knockin over another liquor store again context. Except, you know…but classy. Michael: (Amused) Hmmmm. Sucre: I’m proposin to my girlfriend if you gotta know. Michael: (Skeptically) In a letter? Sucre: You gotta better way. Michael: Face to face works pretty good. Sucre: (Turning to look at Michael.) This place ain’t exactly the romantic spot. I’m gonna have her get on the Stanton Island ferry. Then once she’s near the Empire State building she opens the letter. (Gets excited and snaps his fingers.) It’s almost like being there. (Michael smiles bemusedly at him.) Except for the fact that I won’t be there. (Turns back to the letter.) Michael: (Looking out again.) Try passion. Sucre: Oh passion, that’s dope. (Sounds it out.) How do you spell that? P-a-s-h. Michael: (Shakes his head solemnly from the door.) Uhu. CUT TO: [EXT. CHICAGO ALLEYWAY-DAY] (Two boys are riding through an alley and they come to a stop.) Friend: Hey LJ hold up. LJ: Hold up? Friend: I don’t know if I can go through with this. LJ: (Looks at him reassuringly.) Everything’s going to be fine. Trust me. (Rings the doorbell.) (The door opens and a man strides out to his car.) Man: Do we understand each other then? Friday. Not Saturday. Not Sunday, but Friday. LJ: (Putting his backpack on after putting the marijuana in it.) Totally understand. Man: I don’t know hundreds. I don’t want fives. I don’t want ones. LJ: I know, I know. Tens and twenties only. (The two kids get back on their bikes and ride down the alley. Close up on a police officer in his car, poised with his radio in his hand.) Police Officer: It’s on. (As they reach the mouth of the alley a police car pulls up, cutting off the entrance of the alley. They drop their bikes and turn to run in the opposite direction just as another cop car pulls up at the other end.) Police Officer: Stop! Police! (The boys look defeated.) CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD SQUARE-DAY] (sht of CEO tower, pan down to Michael walking over to a man playing poker.) Michael: Abruzzi? I need you to hire a P.I. (Abruzzi slaps a card down.) Abruzzi: (Not bothering to look at him.) bat it. Michael: Maybe you oughta hear what I gotta say. Abruzzi: You got nothing I want. Michael: (Placing an origami duck in front of him.) Wouldn’t be too sure about that. Abruzzi: (Laughs) My mistake. Just what I need, a duck. Michael: P.I. Abruzzi. I might just be of more assistance than you think. (Abruzzi looks at him for the first time. His boys start to stand.) Michael: (Backing up.) Mull it over. (Looking away and back.) Come and find me when you’re ready to talk. (With his hands up, he turns and leaves.) CUT TO: [INT. CHICAGO BUTCHERY-DAY] Maggio: Alright guys, lets pick it up. I wanna get home tonight. (A man walks in.) Tsili: Maggio. (Nods for Maggio to a small desk and places some papers onto them.) Maggio: Yeah so? Tisili: That’s the son of a bitch who fingered Abruzzi. Maggio: Fibonacci. (Looks closer, picking up the photo.) Thought that poke was gone. Clever. Tisili: Evidently somebody found him. Maggio: Somebody messin with us? Tisili: This you’re not going to believe. (Hands Maggio a manila envelope, which Maggio looks inside of.) CUT TO: [INT. FOX RIVER INFIRMARY-DAY] (Close sht of a needle poking into a heavily tattooed arm.) Dr.Tancredi: Tattoo looks fresh. Hold that. (Gives him the gauze to apply pressure.) I guess being a diabetic you don’t mind needles. Michael: (Changing the subject.) I’m Michael bt the way. Dr.Tancredi: Scofield. I read your report. Michael: And you are? Dr.Tancredi: (Looks at him.) Dr.Tancredi will do. Michael: Tancredi like the governor. Your not related are you? (No response.) Hmmm. (Looks away and back.) Wouldn’t expect to find the daughter of frontier Frank working in a prison, as a doctor no less. (Dr.Tancredi looks up, a fleeting look of being uncomfortable washes across her face.) Dr.Tancredi: I believe in being a part of the solution, not the problem. Michael: Hmmm. Be the change that you want to see in the world. (The comment strikes her; he looks at her and smiles.) What? Dr.Tancredi: (Shaking her head) Nothing. That was just my senior grade quote. Michael: (Playful disbelief) That was you? This whole time I was thinking it was Ghandi. (That gets a laugh.) Dr.Tancredi: Very funny. Sit tight. Put direct pressure on that. I’ll be back in a second. (She gets up and leaves the room. Michael watches her leave then removes the gauze and takes another origami duck out of his shirt pocket. He goes over to the corner of the room and slips it between the slats of the grate. Quickly he returns to his seat as Dr.Tancredi reenters.) Michael: (Applying pressure.) So how do we play this? You hook me up with a three week supply? Dr.Tancredi: Nice try. No hypos on the floor. (They are both smiling.) Michael: I’m the farthest thing from a junkie, trust me. Dr.Tancredi: I got news for you Michael, trust me means absolutely nothing inside these walls. The only way you’ll get that Insulin is if I’m the one administering it. Michael: Guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other then. Dr.Tancredi: (Trying to stay professional with an easy smile.) I guess so. CUT TO: [INT.PRISON DRAIN-DAY] (Zoom along the drain to follow the origami duck.) CUT TO: [EXT. SECRET SERVICE HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON D.C.-DAY] CUT TO: [INT. AGENT KELLERMAN’S OFFICE-DAY] Agent Hale enters and closes the door. Hale: We’re all clear on the Burrows execution. Kellerman: Good. Hale: Except for one thing. Bishop McMurrow is not in the fold. (Kellerman doesn’t respond.) He’s got a lot of influence with the governor. They went to prep school together. (Kellerman gives him a disdained look.) Look, the closer this thing gets, the more I’m worried that the bottom is going to fall out of this whole thing. (Kellerman sighs and leans back in his chair, pondering.) Kellerman: Well, maybe it’s time that we paid a visit with the good Bishop. (Hale nods uncertainly.) Look, in a month, it’ll all be over. CUT TO: [INT. FOX RIVER CHAPEL-DAY] Chaplain: The son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinners and be crucified. (sht of Lincoln sitting in a pew.) And on the third day rise again. And they remembered his words and so should you. Good day gentlemen, may God be with you. (The prisoners all rise in the motions of leaving the Chapel. Lincoln stands awkwardly in all his chains and turns into the pew aisle where he comes face to face with Michael.) Lincoln: (Disbelief) Michael? (There is a long look shared between them before Lincoln steps closer.)Why? Michael: (Stepping forward to meet him.) I’m getting you out. CO: Burrows. Roll it up. Happy hours over. Lincoln: (Ignoring) That’s impossible. Michael: Not if you designed the place it isn’t. (He smiles and walks away. sht goes quickly through the tunnels before going to Commercial set.) COLD OPEN TO: [INT. VERONICA’S LIVING ROOM-DAY] (Close up on wedding invitations.) Veronica (V.O.): Too formal. (sht pulls out to show Veronica and Sebastian picking out invitations.) Too greeting card. Sebastian: Well, we gotta make decision sooner or later you know. Veronica: We have time. Sebastian: We don’t actually. (Pushes a lock of hair off her face.) I mean at some point we have to pull the trigger on this thing. Veronica: I don’t want to rush this. We’re only going to do this once. We have to get it right. (Sebastian moves the selection book off their laps and settles in for a serious conversation.) Sebastian: Can I ask you something? Veronica: Of course. Sebastian: Are you putting this off? Veronica: What do you mean? Sebastian: I mean, are you having second thoughts? Veronica: No. Honey, no, I’m not. Sebastian: I don’t know. I can’t help thinking that this is about- Veronica: (Cuts him off quickly) It’s not. I love you and I wanna be your wife. (They kiss) CUT TO: [INT. CELL BLOCK/MICHAEL’S CELL] Sucre: Passion? What were you thinking? Michael: Hey. You went for it. Sucre: She probably thinks I went sissy up in here. You know, got more than one syllable, too much talking. (Michael smiles throughout this.) That’s me from now on. One syllable. Yes, no, love, hate, love. Michael: Give it time. Sucre: Are you kidding me? I proposed to her. That doesn’t take time. Si or no. One syllable man. She’s supposed to come around for a conjugal on Tuesday. She‘s always callin me beforehand, letting me know she’s coming. This time man, I ain’t heard a peep. You spooked her. (Michael smiles, amused.) CO: Scofield, get it together. Pope wants to see you. Sucre: Oh. Not good fish. No one gets an audience with the Pope. Not unless he’s real interested in what you got going on. CUT TO: [EXT. ADMINISTRATIVE BUILDING-DAY] Pope (V.O.): Top of your class at Loyola. Magna Cum Laude in fact. (Pope takes off his glasses and looks at Michael.) I can’t help wondering what a man with your credentials is doing in a place like this. Michael: Took a wrong turn a few months back I guess. Pope: You make it sound like a traffic infraction. Like all you did was turn the wrong way up a one way street. Michael: Everyone turns up one sooner or later. (Pope comes around the desk and stands in front of Michael.) Pope: The reason that I called you here. I noticed in your file under occupation you put down unemployed. That’s not true now is it? (Sits on the edge of the desk.) I know you’re a structural engineer Scofield. (Close up on a model of the Taj Mahal. Pan around the model to rest on Michael and Pope looking at it.) Pope: Shah Jahan built the Taj Mahal as a monument to his undying love for his wife. My wife is quite fond of the story. It appeals to the romantic side of her. (Turning to Michael) Being married to someone on corrections, it’s a terrible job, wouldn’t wish it on anybody. And yet, in thirty-nine years my wife has never complained and the worst part is I’ve never thanked her. So because I couldn’t say it I thought, you know, I could build it. In June, it’s our fortieth anniversary. Well here, look. (They bend down to look into the base of the structure.) The problem is, I build anymore and it’s all going to come down like a house of cards. That’s where I was hoping you could be of assistance. For the favor, I could offer you three days of work a week in here and it’ll keep you off the yard. (Michael thinks about it and stands, Pope follows suit.) Michael: I can’t do it. Pope: Son, it’s better for me to owe you one in here than it is for you to owe me one I can promise you that. Michael: I’ll have to take my chances. Pope: Then we’re through here. Guard! CUT TO: [INT. LJ’S KITCHEN-DAY] Lisa: Two pounds of pot! What were you trying to do? Set a new record? (LJ smiles at that.) It’s not funny LJ; you could be going to jail. Now it’s pretty obvious to me that you need some guidance. (Her new husband comes into the kitchen.) Adrian: (Picks up his meal and gives her a kiss.) Hey thanks. LJ: From who? Old daddy Warbucks. Lisa: Give him a chance, he’s a good man. LJ: We got nothing in common. Lisa: Oh! Where is this all coming from LJ? Last semester you were getting straight A’s and now… (Realizing) It’s your father isn’t it? LJ: I don’t have a father. Lisa: It wasn’t immaculate conception honey, trust me. Maybe it’s time we went and saw him. (She starts tidying up.) LJ: (Alarmed) Mom. Mom. Don’t. Lisa: I’m about as excited as you by the prospect, but something’s gotta give. You have too much potential to be screwing up your life like this. CUT TO: [INT. FOX RIVER VISITING AREA-DAY] (Veronica and Michael are sitting at a small round table.) Veronica: And what if they sent you to Taylorville, Marion and not here? Michael: I could be doing the same thing I’m doing here. (Makes a joke out of it.) Eatin jello, drinkin Kool-Aid. Veronica: I know what you’re doing! It’s not the luck of the draw that you’re in here with Lincoln. You forget that, I know you. Both of you. You two have the most dysfunctional idea of love I’ve ever seen. (Michael looks down.) What, he beats you up to keep you off the streets and you end up in Fox River with him. To what? To save him? (There’s tension now.) I deserve to know. I loved him as much as you did. Michael: Past tense for you maybe, not me. Veronica: I gave him a sht when I got back from college, I did. Even with everything that was going on with him, I tried to make it work. And he threw it all away. Michael: You ever think that he was hurt that you left in the first place? Veronica: Don’t do this. Whatever you’re doing, don’t do it. There’s a better way. I’m already appealing your case. Michael: I told you to leave that alone. Veronica: I’ve gotten in touch with the Diesis about Lincoln and the bishop may be able to help. Michael: (Evenly, cutting her off.) That won’t stop it, it’ll only delay it. You wanna do something, you find out who’s trying to bury him. Veronica: Nobody’s trying to. The evidence was all there. Michael: The evidence was cooked. CO: Visiting hours are over. (They get up and embrace tightly.) Veronica: Take care of yourself. Michael: Somebody wants him dad Veronica. Something more is going on here. (They break apart.) Veronica: This is desperation Michael, grabbing at straws. Michael: Maybe. But I can’t watch him die. I won’t do that. (She leaves him standing by their little table.) CUT TO: [INT. FOX RIVER VISIT EXITING AREA-DAY] (Lincoln comes in from outside and sees on the other side of the bars Veronica, signing out and leaving.) CUT TO: [EXT. BISHOP MCMURROWS HOUSE-DAY] (Two agents knock on his door. The Bishop answers.) Bishop McMurrow: Gentlemen. CUT TO: [INT. BISHOPS STUDY-DAY] Bishop McMurrow: What is it about the Burrows situation that I can help you with. Kellerman: It’s our understanding that you have influence with the governor. Bishop McMurrow: I wouldn’t call it great or influence. We’re friends. Kellerman: It’s also our understanding that you’re opposed to the death penalty. Bishop McMurrow: I’m a man of God, how could I not be? Kellerman: In this case, we’re hoping you’ll suspend that position, at least temporarily. Bishop McMurrow: If an inmate appeals to me for intervention, how can I turn my back on him? Kellerman: You have a habit of answering a question with a question. Bishop McMurrow: And you have a way of asking questions that beg more questions. Kellerman: (Getting irritated.) Are you saying you won’t do it? Bishop McMurrow: I’m not a man to equivocate. Kellerman: You’re what, sixty two years old now Your Excellency? Bishop McMurrow: That’s correct. Kellerman: I assume then that you would be well versed in how our country’s tax system works. Taking personal capital gains under the church tax shelter. That would be fraud, wouldn’t it Your Excellency? Bishop McMurrow: I will not be cowed into forsaking my beliefs. Not by you or anyone else. Kellerman: Admirable. (Gets up.) Good day Your Excellency. Bishop McMurrow: (Stands up too) Mr. Kellerman, what is it about this case that the secret service is so interested in? Kellerman: He klled the Vice President’s brother. (He walks out.) (Close up on the Bishops face.) CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] Abruzzi: (On the phone) What are you saying? Maggio: You heard me. Someone found Fibonacci. I’m looking at the photo right now. This son of a bitch has a beard, sunglasses. Witness protection file. Abruzzi: Who is this someone? Maggio: There was no return address on the envelope. Just this folded up bird made of paper. Abruzzi: (Realizing) Like origami? Maggio: Yeah. Like that, origami. (Abruzzi hangs up the phone. sht goes to Michael, who looks down at the grate with a soggy magazine in it. He turns to find “D.B Cooper” looking at him. D.B looks away but Michael goes over and sits down.) Michael: (Looks straight ahead) Your Charles S. Moreland right? Moreland: Do I know you? Michael: Knew your wife before she passed. Moreland: You knew Marla? Michael: (Looking at him.) You mean Ann? Moreland: How’d you know her? Michael: We taught in Boston together. Moreland: East Farmington. Michael: You mean West Wilmington. Moreland: (Smiles and looks at him.) No more tests, promise. Seems you know everything about me. Who are you? Michael: Michael Scofield. How’d you get it in here? Moreland: (Strokes the cat.) First of all, she’s not an it. She’s Marilyn. And she’s a grandfather, back in the days when prisoners were allowed a creature comfort or two. Michael: Heard you were D.B Cooper. Moreland: Every new fish comes in here and the first thing they hear is that Charles West Moreland is D.B. Cooper. I tell you like I tell them. You want the Cooper story, I can’t give it to you, cause I’m not him. Michael: That’s too bad. Sort of wished it was. Man’s a legend. Moreland: Nowhere near as much as I wish it were true my friend. I’d have one million in cash waiting for me on the outside. (Abruzzi walks up with his boys.) I’d put some grass between them if I were you. (He gets up and leaves.) Michael: You know, this would go a whole lot easier it you would just hire me. Abruzzi: What’s this all about? Michael; Say you were able to get outside there walls, would you have the people in place to help you disappear forever? Abruzzi: Why do you care? Michael: Just curious. Abruzzi: Where’s Fibonacci? Michael: That’s not the way it works. (Abruzzi stares at him for a few long moments before he turns away. His boys step forward and Michael stands up.) Michael: They com at me John and I’m coming after you. Abruzzi: I doubt it. (One Abruzzi’s boys gut punches Michael, who immediately retaliates with a lunging punch into Abruzzi’s jaw. He gets shoved into the ground, face first and two men take turns beating him until a guard tower CEO sh*t bllts around the gathering group of brawling men.) CUT TO: [INT. POPE’S OFFICE-DAY] Pope: I misjudged you Scofield; I didn’t think you were the agitating type. Behavior like that is not tolerated in my prison. Ninety days in the shoe, that’ll convince you of that. Michael: Ninety days? Pope: That’s right. (Michael steps forward and looks at Pope’s desk calendar. April 11.) Something you want to say? Michael: (Tries to play his card right.) It’s just…I’m not of much value to you in the shoe. Pope: Value? Michael: Hmmm. The Taj. It’d be a shame for the eighth wonder of the world to collapse because the stress isn’t properly propagated. Pope: (Worried) Properly propagated? Michael: Properly propagated. The joints are overloaded. They won’t provide anywhere neat the strength the completed structure will need. (Pope walks over to Michael.) Pope: How much work are we talking about? Michael: You want it by when? In June? Pope: Yes. Michael: Then we’d better get started. Wouldn’t you say? CUT TO: [INT. BISHOP MCMURROWS BEDROOM-NIGHT] (Zoom in slowly on the sleeping Bishop. A shadow can be seen behind a cross on his nightstand. A creak is heard and that wakes the Bishop up.) Bishop McMurrow: Who’s there? (He slowly sits up in bed and disbelief etches across his face. He sees the barrel of a silncer gn which fires. Commercial Set.) COLD OPEN TO: [INT. VERONICA’S OFFICE-DAY] Colleague: Bishop McMurrow was klled last night. Someone sht him while he was sleeping. I thought you’d want to know. Veronica: (Blown away) Thanks. (Leans back in her chair, looking at a circled date on her calendar.) Michael was right. (She goes to a filing cabinet and pulls out the Lincoln Burrows vs the State of Illinois file. CUT TO: [INT. FOX RIVER DEATH ROW-DAY] (A guard walks down the hall to Lincoln’s cell.) CUT TO: [INT. FOX RIVER VISITING AREA-DAY] (Lincoln walks up to the booth to see his ex-wife and LJ waiting there.) Lisa: He was arrested. Lincoln: For what? Lisa: Possession of marijuana. I figured he could some fatherly advice before- Lincoln: He’s gone forever. Lisa: I didn’t mean that. Lincoln: (Sincerely) I know you didn’t. (He nods at her and she walks off.) So. (They both sit down.) Dope, huh? Usin or dealin? LJ: What’s the difference? Lincoln: Then what, you think it gives you street cred? You got a piece of the good life. Take advantage. LJ: Look I get it okay, the whole thing. She drags me in here; you give me a big speech. I walk out a changed man. Straight A’s, Harvard, grow up and become a dentist. Lincoln: (Pained) It’s better than being in here. You gotta realize who’s getting punished when your doing what your doing. You think its me, it’s you. I did the same thing, punish the old man for leaving and look where it got me. I’m not asking you to love me. I already screwed up that chance long ago. I’m asking you to love yourself. (Throughout this LJ’s been trying to silently tune him out.) So put the brakes on this thing. LJ: (Brushing everything off.) So that’s what fatherly advice is like. (He gets up.) Lincoln: What are you doin? LJ: I got homework. Lincoln: They’re putting me to death LJ. In a month’s time I’ll be dad, you get that? LJ: (Disgusted) You’re already dad to me. (Walks off.) CUT TO: [INT. CONJUGAL ROOM-DAY] (Sucre has been sitting on the bed, worried, Spanish music playing the background. Sucre: (Gets up) Oh no! (He goes to the door, which opens, revealing a woman.) Maricruz: (Smiling) Yes! Sucre: What you mean yes, yes? Maricruz: Yes, yes. Sucre: Yes! (They grab each other. Kissing.) Maricruz: Wait, there’s just one thing. Sucre: Of course. (He kisses her.) Maricruz: Mama wants to wait until you get out. Sucre: Of course mama. (He kisses her again.) Maricruz: And we have to get married in a church. Sucre: Okay. (He kisses her again.) Maricruz: A Catholic church. Sucre: (Undoing her shirt) Wouldn’t want to mess with Catholic rules would we? (They fall onto the bed.) CUT TO: [INT. FOX RIVER INFIRMARY-DAY] Dr. Tancredi: You went to Leola? (Plops into her rolly chair.) Michael: (Perched on the examining table.) You’ve been checking up on me. Dr. Tancredi: I like to get to know my patients. I went to North Western. Graduated a year after you did. Michael: Maybe we met before. You know, drunk out at a bar somewhere. Dr. Tancredi: I would have remembered. Michael: Is that a compliment? Dr. Tancredi: No. Hmm. Michael: What? Dr. Tancredi: Your blood glucose is at fifty milligrams per deciliter. Your body’s reacting to the insulin as though your not a diabetic. Are you sure it’s Type 1 Diabetes you got. Michael: Ever since I was a little kid. Dr. Tancredi: Alright. Not experiencing any tingling sensations, cold sweats? (Michael shakes his head and is saved by the phone. He gets and walks over to the barred window, looking outside. He notices his right hand is shaking and smoothes his left thumb over the palm. Dr. Tancredi gets off the phone.) I’d like to run some tests the next time your in. The last thing I want is to be administering insulin to a man who doesn’t. Michael: (Feigning a smile.) Yeah, sure. Dr. Tancredi: okay. (Michael looks worried.) CUT TO: [INT. FOX RIVER CONJUGAL ROOM-DAY] (Maricruz and Sucre are getting their clothes back on after their visit.) Sucre: So how’d did you get here, by the way? Maricruz: O h, you know (Pulls a boot on.) Sucre: No I don’t. That’s why I asked. Maricruz: You know. Hector. Sucre: WHAT? Maricruz: I didn’t have any money for the bus, so he offered me a ride, he was really sweet. (Sucre stands up, upset.) Honey, he’s just a friend. Sucre: No, he’s not just a friend. I know Hector. I know men. I know women. I know women and men can’t be friends. A guy doesn’t drive a girl five hundred miles across the state line because he wants to be friends. CO: Casanova, wrap it up. Maricruz: Hey, you got nothing to worry about. (She goes over to him.) It’s you I’m marrying. (She kisses him.) Sucre: It’s not you I’m worried about. (He kisses her.) Maricruz: Sixteen more months. (They kiss again and she leaves.) I love you. CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (Transaction of goods passes between two black inmates.) Michael: Sucre tells me you’re the local pharmacy. (Man looks behind Michael at Sucre.) C-Note: What you need man? Michael: Pugnac. C-Note: I only speak in English, white boy. Michael: It’s an insulin blocker. Standard over-the-counter variety. You can get it at a pharmacy. C-Note: You can get it at medical then. Michael: Only I can’t get it at medical. C-Note: Why not? Michael: (Mischievously) Because they’re already giving me insulin shts. (They share a laugh.) C-Note: Your one mixed up crcker you know that? Michael: Can you get it for me or not? C-Note: Only if you tell why is it you want to keep going back up to medical to get an insulin sht for which you don’t need. Michael: I like the ambiance. (He gives C-Note a knowing smile.) C-Note: (Playing along.) Uhuh. Michael: Are we in business? (Holds out a folded bill, discreetly.) (C-Note takes it and walks off. Michael watches him go then walks off in the opposite direction.) CUT TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-DAY] CO: Scofield! I don’t know what you did but Abruzzi wanted me to give you this P.I. card. Congratulations, you just joined the ranks of the employed. (Michael looks at the card, quietly pleased.) CUT TO: [INT. FOX RIVER ADMINISTRATIVE HALLWAY-DAY] (Lincoln is whitewashing a wall. The sht pulls back to show Michael painting a wall not fifteen feet away.) Abruzzi: (Into his ear) Kudos fish, you got spine. CO: Alright cons. Break it down. (The inmates move and pick up their materials.) Lincoln: Saw Veronica came by yesterday. Still engaged to that guy? (Hands his supplies to the CO, Michael does the same.) Michael: Yup. Lincoln: That could have been me. Michael: If you hadn’t self destructed. (Lincoln looks at him sharply.) Lincoln: You think I meant to knock up Lisa Richs? I was just being stupid with her. Shouldn’t have pushed here away though. Michael: You pushed everyone away. (Michael gives him a look and Lincoln gets it.) Lincoln: I’m an anchor; all I’ll do is drag him down with me. (He walks away to change.) Man: Why’d you hire him? Abruzzi: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. (He watches Michael sit on a bench.) Lincoln: (Sitting down beside him.) You mean what you said earlier? Michael: I’m not here on a vacation, trust me. Lincoln: Getting outside these walls, that’s just the beginning. You gonna need money. (Michael looks at Moreland take off his shoes.) Michael: I’ll have it. Lincoln: And people on the outside who can help you disappear. Michael: I’ve already got them. (Looks at Abruzzi in line.) They just don’t know it yet. Lincoln: Whatever you got going on, fill me in cause I’m in the dark here. Michael: Schappelle and Associates got the contract to retro this place in ninety nine. Four million dollar contract, head partner couldn’t crack it, so he subcontracted out. An under the table sort of deal with a former associate. That guy was one of the partners in my firm. Who basically goes through the plan, crossed the t’s, dotted the I’s, grouted the tiles. (Lincoln confused, thinks for a moment.) Lincoln: You’ve seen the blueprints. (sht widens to expose Michael, shirtless. Tattooed from his collarbone down.) Michael: Better than that. I’ve got them on me. (Lincoln looks, his eyes widening.) Lincoln: Are you kidding me. Am I supposed to be seeing something? Michael: Look closer. (Camera zooms into a torso sht as a detailed outlined blueprint emerges from the tattoo. He turns around and the same thing happens on the other side. sht zooms into the tattoo reemerging within the walls, finally coming out of the grate in the prison yard with the magazine in it. Camera zooms out until the entire prison complex can be seen from above.)	{"type": "series", "show": "Prison Break", "episode": "01x01 - Pilot"}	foreverdreaming
COLD OPEN: [EXT. FOX RIVER STATE PENITENTIARY-DAY] CUT TO: [EXT. PRISOIN YARD-DAY] (Michael and Charles West Moreland are playing checkers.) Moreland: You’re anticipating every one of my moves three moves in advance. You’re a helluva strategist fish. Michael: You ever think about Boston? Moreland: Sure. Michael: Think you’ll ever see it again. Moreland: I’m a sixty year old man with sixty years still left on my ticket. What do you think? Michael: I’m thinking of going. Moreland: Well there’s going and then there’s going. Which one do you mean? Michael: The one you think I mean. Moreland: (Amused, pets his cat) Three days inside and he’s already thinking about turning rabbit. It’ll pass, it always does. You got bigger things to worry about at the moment. I’ve been in here long enough to know it when I see it. The calm before the storm. Whites and black’s will be going at each other real soon here. Everybody chooses sides. And a lot of guys bleed. (Throughout this they watch a squirmish occur between some racially separate inmates.) Michael: Is there a reason. Moreland: Same reason you don’t put cats and dogs in the same cage. They don’t get along. CUT TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-DAY] (Michael takes a mirror shard and reflects it on the inner side of his forearm, revealing “1112 1147 ALLEN SCHWEITZER.” Sucre sings a Spanish song quietly under his breath. Michael writes the name down on a pad of paper.) Sucre: Hmm. Michael: What? Sucre: Toilet won’t flush. Michael: So…? Sucre: Mean only one thing fish. (He runs to the cell door) They shut down the water so we can’t flush our contraband. Michael: Well, we got nothin to worry about. Sucre: (Holds up a baggie) Says you. (He goes to the door. Michael follows him) Under the table. Michael: (Goes to the table, feels around a find a shank) What the hell’s this? Sucre: It’s insurance white boy. (Michael turns to see Bellick standing right outside his cell door.) Bellick: Open it. So tooling up for the race riot are we? Hand it over. (Michael hands him the Knfe, handle first and Bellick checks it out.) Rughead’s or the blackies. Which side are you on anyhow fish? Michael: Neither boss. Bellick: Maybe you gonna go extra curricular and (Motions to himself) stick a CO with it. Pope: (Walks up) Is there a problem deputy? Bellick: Found a shank in here. (Hands it over) Pope: (Gestures to Michael) This yours? (Michael doesn’t respond, only stares. Warden Pope looks back and forth between Michael and Sucre, then decides.) You’re not a good liar. Come on Sucre, you’re going to the shoe. (Sucre shuffles out.) Move along now deputy. Bellick: I’m not done shakin his cell down yet. Pope: I said, move along. Bellick: You’re in the old man’s back pocket are you. Well I got news for you, he may run this place during the day, but I run it during the night. (He leaves and the cell door shuts, but that doesn’t end the stare down.) OPENING CREDITS OPEN TO: [EXT. PAN sht OF PRISON YARD-DAY] CUT TO: [INT. CHAPEL-DAY] Lincoln: (To Michael, who is sitting one pew behind him) What the heel were you thinking Michael?...How are we doing? Michael: The infirmary. Lincoln: The infirmary? Michael: (Leaning forward) It’s the weakest link in the security chain. As long as I get that Pugnac, I’ll get all the access I need. Lincoln: What the hell’s a Pugnac? Michael: It lowers my insulin to the point where I’m hypoglycemic and as long as the good doctor thinks I’m diabetic I’ll have plenty of time in there to do what I need to do. Lincoln: Which is? Michael: A little work. A little preparation for your arrival. That’s the idea anyway. Lincoln: The idea? Michael: There’s a little hitch in getting the Pugnac that’s all. They don’t exactly stock it at the commissary. Lincoln: You telling me this whole things riding on a bunch of pills. Michael: Someone’s working on it as we speak. (He looks at C-Note) (Lincoln looks back at him then to where Michael is looking) Lincoln: Now’s not the time to be trusting a black inmate Michael. Michael: (Confidently Our relationship transcends race. Lincoln: Nothing transcends race. I can’t let you do it. Good behavior, you’re out in three years. Michael: I’m going to be a whole lot sooner than that. Lincoln: It can’t be done. (He stops talking as an inmate walks by) It can’t be done Michael. No ones ever broken out of Fox River. Michael: (Leans forward again) Every single step has already been mapped out. Every contingency. Lincoln: Every contingency? You may have the blueprints to this place but there’s one thing those plans can’t show you. People, guys like Abruzzi. You so much as look at them the wrong way, they’ll cut you up. Michael: (Looks at Abruzzi) Far as the rest of these guys are concerned, I’m just a con doin his time. Stayin outta trouble. Lincoln: You don’t gotta go looking for trouble in here. It just finds you. Michael: And when it does, we’ll be long gone. Lincoln: (Turns back) This is madness. You can’t even get out of your cell. Michael: Not true. Lincoln: You gotta key? (C-Note watches the pair, intrigued.) Michael: Something like that. CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD ENTRANCE-DAY] (Prisoners are shuffling in lines of two by two. Michael steps inside the yard, looks around and heads for the deserted bleachers. He runs his fingers along the woodwork edging, fingering certain screw heads until he feels the right one. Camera goes into the wood to show a number along the base of the screw. “1112 1147.”) WHITE FLASH TO: [FLASHBACK-INT. MICHAEL’S APARTMENT-NIGHT] (Michael looks at different types of screws. Writes in red, the number of the one that he needs to look for.) WHITE FLASH TO: [PRESENT DAY-EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (Michael climbs up onto the bleachers, has a look around and takes a seat. He begins to work the screw with a nickel. It slowly begins to move.) Inmate: Wrong piece of real estate fish. Michael: Who? Inmate: You best speak with respect fish. Man kidnapped half a dozen boys and girls down in ‘bama, rped and klled ‘em. Wasn’t always in that order either. Michael: Does this T-Bag have a name? T-Bag: That is my real name. (Slimy man walks up with a possy and one man who holds his outturned pocket. Michael stands.) No, no, no please (Gesturing) sit. So you’re the one I’ve been hearing all the rave reviews about. (Whispers) Scofield! One things for sure, you just as pretty as advertised. Prettier even. (Michael smiles, unsure and T-Bag gives a creepy laugh.) Rugheads got you scared do they? Michael: Excuse me? T-Bag: I assume that’s why you’re over here. Few days on the inside and any God fearin white man would realize the correctional systems got a serious lean towards the African American persuasion. Michael: I haven’t noticed. (Continues to work on the screw) T-Bag: They got the numbers alright. So they think they can do as they please. We got one thing they don’t. (Whispers) Surprise! We gonna take them real soon. It’s gonna be nasty for a first timer like you (Quickly) but we’ll protect you. I’ll protect you. All you gotta do is take this (Slaps the Maytag’s hand off) pocket right here and your life’ll be peaches and cream. (Maytag reclaims the pocket) I walk, u walk with me. Keep real close so no one up in here can hurt you. Michael: (Feigning confusion) Looks to me like you already got a girlfriend. T-Bag: (Slaps Maytag’s hand away again and stands up) I got a whole other pocket over here. (Pulls the pocket out) Michael: I’ll pass. (Continues to work on the screw) T-Bag: (Teasingly) I don’t protect you them Rugheads gonna gobble you up like a plate of black eyed peas. Michael: (Cutting him off) I said no. T-Bag: (No more fun) You best move then, now! (Michael calmly gets up and slowly walks off the bleachers) You come around these bleachers again; it’s gonna be more than just words we’re exchanging. Know what I’m sayin? (sht goes down to the partially visible screw) CUT TO: [INT. COURTHOUSE-DAY] (Veronica walks up to a big black man) Veronica: Are you Tim Giles who represented Lincoln Burrows? Tim: Look if you’re a reporter- Veronica: I’m not a reporter. (They start to walk) I know the defendant personally. Tim: Huh. You family? Veronica: Not exactly. We were in a relationship a few years back. (They stop walking) Tim: (Struggles for the words) Yeah, well uh look, Mam. I don’t know what to tell you. The man was guilty. The prosecutions case was a slam dunk. Veronica: Because the man was the Vice Presidents brother. (They start walking again) Tim: Look it you are suggesting that the federal government ran this thing through, I take offense to that. I fought for that guy. Veronica: That’s not what I meant. (They stop again) Tim: The evidence was there. Lincoln worked for Steadman’s Company. He gets into a public altercation with the guy, he gets fired. Two weeks later Steadman’s sht dad, the mrder wapon found in Lincoln’s house and the victim’s blood found on his clothes. Trust me, there are cases you lose sleep over and this ain’t one of them. (He starts to walk again and Veronica hurries to catch up) Veronica: What about Crab Simmons? Lincoln said he could exonerate him. Why didn’t you put him on the stand? Tim: The man’s a five time felon. He had no credibility. Veronica: So you wouldn’t mind if I paid him a visit? Tim: Be my guest. But I don’t think it’ll do you any good. (He walks off) CUT TO: [INT. LINCOLN’S CELL ON DEATH ROW-DAY] (Lincoln sits in the corner, then moves into the light) WHITE FLASH TO: [FLASHBACK-INT. LINCOLN’S BEDROOM-DAY] (Lincoln is sitting up in his bed) Lincoln: I have a strange feelin. Don’t know how to explain it. (He leans down to the girl that he’s talking to) You know, uh, my whole life. It’s usually been crazy, noisy, maddening, you know, in my head. But now, it’s quiet. (He kisses her shoulder) It’s perfect. Why’d you come down? Veronica: (Turns to face him) I thought about you the whole time. Lincoln: (Softly) You know…I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. I know that. But I’m gonna make it right. Veronica: (Confidently) I know you will. (They kiss. Then Lincoln breaks it and reaches for something on the nightstand) What are you doing? Lincoln: I wanna remember this. (Gets a camera, she giggles in protest , shoving a pillow onto her face) Come on, come on V please!! (She relents, kissing him. The camera flashes) WHITE FLASH TO: [PRESENT DAY-INT. LINCOLN’S CELL-DAY] (Lincoln stares at the wall, remembering) CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (Michael walks with C-Note and his homies. The two veer of so that they are walking alone) Michael: How we doing on the Pugnac? C-Note: Hey, I’m workin on it. Michael: Well, work faster. I need that stuff tonight. (C-Note stops him) C-Note: What’s up there in that infirmary that you need so bad? Michael: Get me that Pugnac and maybe I’ll tell you. (He walks away and goes over to the bleachers. T-Bag and his boys walk up just as Michael gets the screw out) T-Bag: Uhuhuhu. I thought we had an understanding. This here’s for the family and you made it pretty clear that you ain’t blood. (sht goes down to the screw that Michael is gripping tightly in his hand) Why don’t you hand that over? (Michael looks at him deciding the smartest course of action. He jumps off the bleachers and hands it over) Nice piece of steel. Bit of work you could do some serious damage with it. Question is who he was planning on damaging? I’ve seen you with them Negroes you know. Well. Maybe you one of them milk chickens. (Gestures to his head) All confused. Like white on the outside, black as tar on the inside. Maybe we oughta take a look and find out. CO: Is there a problem over there? (T-Bag reaches his arms up, feigning a yawn and discreetly hands the bolt off to Maytag) T-Bag: Think we’ll just hold onto this, if that’s alright with you? CO: Hey! I’m not going to ask you again. Let’s break up this party ladies! T-Bag: You heard the man little doggie, get along. (Michael, not wanting to leave without the screw, is reluctant. But he slowly walks away anyway) CUT TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-DAY] (Bellick cautiously enters and looks under both mattress’, finds nothing. So he goes to the desk and lifts things up and shakes them around. Squatting down, he notices indentation markings on a small notepad. Quickly, he takes out a pencil and shades over it until a name appears “ALLEN SCHWEITZER”. He gets up and looks at it. Commercial Set.) OPEN TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (sht pans over the yard and then down to Michael who walks along the chain link fence and leans against it, watching Abruzzi across the yard. He does not want to do this.) Michael: (Walking to Abruzzi’s side) What’s it take to shake down another inmate, get something he’s taken from you? Abruzzi: It would take Fibonacci. Michael: Oh I’ll give you Fibonacci. I promise you that. (He glances away) When the time is right. Abruzzi: The time is right now. Michael: The time is when you and I are standing outside those walls. You’re sitting on life without parole. Your never going to step foot outside those walls again, not unless you knew someone. Someone who knew a way out. What do you say John? Abruzzi: I say I’ve heard nothing but blabber. (He walks away and Michael shows a glimpse of frustration) CUT TO: [INT. OPEN VISITING AREA-DAY] Abruzzi: (Walking up to the small round table) Phil Falzone. It’s an honor. What are you doing here? Falzone: Well I um…Just thought we’d you know fraternize. Smallhouse: He looks like it doesn’t he? Abruzzi: Looks what. (He sits down warily) Smallhouse: Like everybody’s been sayin. You got no sac. You’ve been neutered. Abruzzi: (Gives an incredulous laugh) You shouldn’t talk to me like that. You used to pick up my laundry. Smallhouse: Not anymore John. Falzone: Word is there’s somebody in here who knows where Fibonacci is and you’re not doing anything about it. Abruzzi: I’m workin on it. Falzone: Well you’re not working on it fast enough. Apparently Fibonacci’s coming up for air again. Next month a congressional hearing. Now if he testifies at that hearing, a lot of people are going down; including me. Now I’ve known you a long time. Our wives are friends; our kids go to the same Catholic school. It would be a shame if anything were to happen to your kids. (Abruzzi looks extremely anxious) I know my kids would miss them. Abruzzi: You don’t need to do this. Falzone: I do. Abruzzi: I’ll get this guy. We’ll get Fibonacci. Falzone: For everyone’s sake I hope you do. Abruzzi: I am. Falzone: Be well John. Abruzzi: Thank you. CUT TO: [INT. SUCRE’S SHOE CELL-DAY] (Sucre is pacing up and down the cell floor) Sucre: Yo, Badge. I gotta use the phone. CO: (Sarcastically) Suc, you want a pizza and a pedicure too? Sucre: It’s Monday, man. I gotta call my girl, she’s expecting my call. CO: Put a sock in it. You got nothin comin. (Slams the cell window shut) CUT TO: [INT. ADMINISTRATIVE WING-DAY] Bellick: Hey, pull up the prisoner manifest. Is there an ALLEN SCHWEITZER in gen pop? Clerk: (Types) No Bellick: How bout the shoe? Clerk: No, why you askin? Bellick: Curious, that’s all. CUT TO: [INT. CHAPEL-DAY] (Black and white inmates sit separately. A black inmate sees a white one slide a sharp piece of glass across the pew bench. The transfers of wapon items are being passed along by all races.) CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (Prisoners are walking outside for their rec time.) Black Inmate: You hear the trumpets fish. I know you hear ‘em. That’s judgment day. It’s comin. Real soon. CUT TO: [INT. CELL BLOCK-FREETIME-DAY] (Michael enters T-Bag’s cell and starts looking everywhere for the screw. T-Bag walks in.) T-Bag: What you doin in my cell? (Michael walks up to him, his face a mask.) Michael: I want in. (C-Note has been doing sit ups, but stops to watch this exchange.) T-Bag (V.O.): I’m not quite sure I heard that fish. Did you just say you’re in? (He half circles around him, talking into his ear.) Michael (V.O.): That’s right. T-Bag: You know the old sayin don’t you. You’re in for an inch, you’re in for a mile. Michael: Whatever it takes. You want me to fight, I’ll fight. That bolt from the bleacher’s, that’s what it was for. T-Bag: (Goes to lean on the bars) You wanna fight, you gonna get your chance, next count. Michael: Tonight? T-Bag: You gotta problem with that? Cause we’re goin straight at ‘em. Better catch a square fish, we on demand in a big way. Michael: All I need’s a wapon. Maytag: You wanna a wapon bitch? (Waves the bolt in front of his face, replaces it with a popsicle stick, putting it in his front pocket.) Here you go. CO: All prisoners return to your cells. (Michael moves to exit, but T-Bag blocks the door with his arm.) T-Bag: You’re gonna have to prove yourself before we trust you with the heavy atillery. You know what I’m sayin? CO: Gates closing. (Michael leaves) CUT TO: [INT. VERONICA’S OFFICE-DAY] (Tim knocks on the door) Tim: I wanted to apologize for being short with you before. Veronica: No problem. Tim: It’s just, the closer he gets to an execution, the harder it becomes. So that’s why I wanted to give you this. (Holds out a manila envelope, which she takes.) It’s the surveillance tape of the garage that night. It was a closed trial so nobody else saw it. I thought it might help. (He turns to leave) Veronica: Help with what? Tim: Closure. (Veronica takes out the tape and plays it. The tape shows a car pulling into a parking lot square and moment’s later Lincoln steps into view where he walks rapidly to the driver’s side window and fires a single sht. Then he rushes to the passenger’s side and grabs something out of it and leaves.) CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (Michael leans by himself up against the chain linked fence. Bellick comes up behind him on the other side of the fence.) Bellick: “ALLEN SCHWEITZER”. That name mean anything to you? Michael: (His eyes betray him, but he’s not facing Bellick) Should it? Bellick: I don’t know, you tell me. Michael: Never heard of the guy. Bellick: You sure? Michael: Positive. (Bellick walks off, at which point Michael sht a worried glance in his direction, knowing that Bellick had been in his cell.) CUT TO: [INT. PRISON SHOWERS-DAY] (Michael is dressing. C-Note comes up and taps him on the shoulder showing him a bottle of pills: the Pugnac. He walks off, Michael follows, shting a fleeting look at the distracted guards. C-Note: Cha, what’s up snowflake? (Moves in to embrace him, but shoulder punches him to the wall instead. His men materialize to hold Michael there. Michael struggles, scared.) C-Note: You think I’m a fool? Michael: What are you talking about? C-Note: I see you out there with the arryies. You know, I gotta good mind to slash you open right now. Michael: It’s not what you think. He’s got something I need. C-Note: Now see that’s funny, cause I got something you need too. (Shakes the bottle in his face) You want Pugnac fish? (He uncaps the bottle and pours the pills into his hand) Right here baby. (C-Note throws the empty bottle onto the floor) Look white boy, your luck just ran out. You chose the wrong side. (Michael gets a slap on the cheek from one of C-Notes home boys as they leave. Michael looks at the pill bottle, and then turns around, pissed off. Unable to control it, he punches the bars. This leads into a Commercial Set.) COLD OPEN TO: [INT. CLOSED VISITING AREA-DAY] (Lincoln is escorted in to see, to his surprise, Veronica sitting there.) Lincoln: It’s great to see your face. (Veronica looks away, disgusted. Lincoln leans back, slightly uneasy) Veronica: I think it’s time you quit this charade, don’t you? Lincoln: What? Veronica: It’s starting to ruin people’s lives. (Lincoln is confused) Michael is in here because he thinks you’re innocent. Lincoln: He told you. Veronica: He hasn’t told me anything, but I know Lincoln. I know what he’s planning and if you love him, call him off. (Lincoln looks hurt) I saw the tape. Lincoln: What’s on the tape is not how it went down. Veronica; I know what I saw. Lincoln: I know what I saw! (Tears are in his eyes) I was there, remember? (Looks away) WHITE FLASH TO: [FLASHBACK-INT. PARKING GARAGE-NIGHT] I got high that night. It was the only way I could go through with it. (Throughout these lines, a replay of the tape is going from Lincoln’s perspective.) WHITE FLASH TO: [PRESENT DAY-INT. CLOSED VISITING AREA-DAY] I never pulled the trigger, the guy was already dad. Veronica: (Flippantly) Yeah, I know you told me at the- Lincoln: (Suddenly furious) Then listen! It was a set up. I went there that night to clear a debt. Crab Simmons was on my ass for the ninety grand I owed him. Told me the mark was some scumbag drug dealer and if I took it I would be clean. I never pulled the trigger. All I know is that, somebody wanted me in the same garage as Terence Steadman that night. Veronica: Why would somebody set you up? (Lincoln stands and moves away.) Lincoln: It wasn’t about me. It was about him. Veronica: Steadman? Lincoln: Yes. Veronica: The guy was like a saint. All the charity work, the environmental progress his company was makin. About the only person in this whole country who had a motive to kll him was you. Lincoln: (In pain) You came all the way down here to tell me how guilty I am? Veronica: (Tears in her eyes) I don’t know why I came here. (She looks away and Lincoln sits back down) Lincoln: You have your life now. I know that. But if what we had before meant anything to you, you’d find out the truth. (He looks up) Veronica: Maybe all this is the truth. Maybe they got it right. (Lincoln shakes his head and she gets up.) CUT TO [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (There is almost an altercation between a bunch of black guys and one white guy. CUT TO: [INT. THE SHOE-DAY] (Sucre is writing something on the floor in chalk, then looks at his watch and mutters in Spanish.) Sucre: (Getting up) Badge. Badge, open up. Badge! CO: You talking again? Sucre: It’s my girl’s birthday. CO: Every day’s her birthday to her. Sucre: You gotta let me call her. Please! I’ll give you a million dollars if you let me use the phone. CO: I seen your kit Sucre, you got like forty cents to your name. (He shuts the door. Sucre yells and pounds on the door in frustration. Finally, he collapses on the floor, about to cry.) CUT TO: [EXT. CHICAGO STREETS-NIGHT] (A limo pulls up to a hot nightclub and a bunch of girls pile out. Maricruz sits there, uncertain.) Hector: (Notices her) Alright! Maricruz, what are you doing? Come on! Maricruz: (Her face brightening when she sees him) It’s okay Hector, you go ahead. Hector: What are you talkin about? Maricruz: I’m just going to take a cab. Hector: What you mean like, go home? I mean you just got here. (She’s silent and he comes closer.) He didn’t call you did he? (She shakes her head and hesitates, wanting to put this next comment delicate) I love Fernando to death, but the guy’s a deadbeat. You gotta move on with your life. (He waits and she looks up, having decided.) CUT TO: [INT. COURTHOUSE-DAY] (Mr. Time Giles is going through security only to be met by Paul Kellerman on the other side.) Kellerman: Mr. Giles we’d like to have a word with you if we could. Tim: I really don’t have the time- Kellerman: (Holding out his Secret Service badge) I’m afraid I’m going to have to insist. (Tim finishes getting through security) It’s come to our attention that you made a foil request on the Lincoln Burrows case. (Danny Hale hands Tim his briefcase.) Tim: Yeah so? Kellerman: Records show that you made a duplicate of the surveillance tape. Tim: That’s right. Kellerman: (Nods) Mind telling us why? Tim: Just one of Burrow’s old girlfriends man. She was just under the impression he was…innocent. Thought it would help her with some closure. Kellerman: She’s in possession of the tape now then? Tim: Don’t pull that crap on me. It’s the Freedom of Information act. She’s entitled to that tape as much as you or i. Kellerman: Sure: Just one more thing. This old girlfriend, what’s her name? CUT TO: [INT. VERONICA’S CAR-DAY] (She parks her car and hurries across the street with an umbrella, stopping by a woman collecting her mail.) Veronica: Is this the Simmons residence? Ms. Simmons: I’m Ms. Simmons. Veronica: I’m sorry. (She pulls out one of her business cards.) I’m Veronica Donovan. I’m looking for Crab Simmons. Are you related? Ms. Simmons: He’s my son. Veronica: Is he around? Ms. Simmons: No. Veronica: Could you tell me where I can find him? Ms. Simmons: Lady, go away. I can’t help you, can’t you understand that? (She starts walking up her stairs) Veronica: Look, I’m sorry. It’s just…a man’s life is at stake and maybe your son can help him. Ms. Simmons: Crab can’t help nobody lady. He’s dad. Veronica: (She didn’t expect this) I’m sorry. (A boy in one of the upstairs rooms has been looking out at the conversation, but then closes his window curtains.) CUT TO: [INT-CELL BLOCK-NIGHT] CO: Heads up cons. Stand at your gate. (Prisoners slowly but surely emerge from their cells.) Cell Neighbor: (Creepily) About to fall off fish. (There are tense, hard eyes all around, especially between C-Note and Michael. Suddenly one stands forward.) CO: C-Note! Get back on number. (Moreland retreats back into cell with his cat. CO repeats the order, while another calls for backup. The fight breaks out. Michael is thrown over the railing. Some convicts go hard at it. Others stay in their cells. T-Bag slices a black guy’s throat. Maytag rushes over to Michael with his arm raised, brandishing the bolt. Michael fights him to the ground and straddles him, trying to get the screw back. He does then and looks up to find C-Note watching him. He knows what he has to do. He circles with Maytag, almost boxing match like. When he’s about to strike, C-Note comes in and sab him right in the heart. Maytag looks down as the blood begins to flow from his chest and falls forward reaching out to Michael, who grabs him. He gives Michael a look of panic and fear. Maytag: Help me! (He dies and Michael looks around, breathing heavily) T-Bag: Scofield! (He sees the situation and looks horrified) (Smoke cans are dropped and all the prisoners return to their cells. T-Bags cries of outrage can be heard. Michael gets back to his cell, coughing.) You’re a dad man Scofield, you hear me? You’re a dad man! (Michael, trying to catch his breath, terrified, grabs his bolt and holds it in front of him, daring someone to come and attck him. The cell doors close and Michael slides to the floor. Overwhelmed, he puts his face into his arms, adrenalin pumping. This leads into a Commercial Set.) OPEN TO: [EXT. PAN OVER FOX RIVER PRISON-NIGHT] CUT TO: [INT. CELL BLOCK-NIGHT] Pope: (Walking on the bottom level) I really don’t know what to say to you gentlemen. I try to give you the benefit of a doubt. (Michael takes off his shirt and throws it to the side.) I try to treat you with respect. But you can’t respect yourselves. So there’s going to be a forty eight hour lockdown. No showers, no visitations. And I strongly suggest that you all learn to get along. Otherwise the next time it’s going to be a week and after that a month. Think about it. (He exits the cell block) (Michael, tears in his eyes, needs something to do. He begins to shape the bolt by scraping the end against the cement floor.) CUT TO: [INT. PRISON MORGUE-NIGHT] (T-Bag identifies Maytag’s body somberly.) CUT TO: [INT. VERONICA’S OFFICE-NIGHT] Secretary: I got a Leticia Barris on the phone. Veronica: I don’t know who that is. Take a message. Secretary: She says she used to date Crab Simmons. (Veronica, her interest perked, reaches for the phone.) Veronica: Leticia thanks for calling. Leticia: You wanna hear what I have to say? We meet in a public place where they can’t get to us. Veronica: Whoa, whoa. Where who can’t get to us? Leticia: You wanna hear what I have to say or not? Cause if you don’t I’m gonna hang up right now. Veronica: No, no. you just name the time and the place. CUT TO: [EXT. BUST CHICAGO SQUARE-DAY] Leticia: Over here. Veronica: You know Leticia. Thanks for coming. Leticia: Go easy lady. We don’t know each other, you got that? We’ll stay out here in the open where they can’t get to us. Where they can’t do what they do. (She looks at Veronica) The only reason I’m talking to you is cause they’re gonna kll your boy, just like they klled mine. Veronica: Coroner’s report says that smack klled your boyfriend Leticia. It was an overdose. Leticia: No overdose. Veronica: What do you mean? Leticia: Crab didn’t use! He had a bad heart. It he touched that stuff, it’d klled him. I mean, don’t you think it’s the slightest coincidence that he o.d a week after your boyfriends crime. They klled him. Cause he knew things. Things they didn’t want to get out. Veronica: Like what? Leticia: (Shifting) Like who was really behind the klling that night. It wasn’t Crab, for damn sure and it sure as hell wasn’t Lincoln. Neither of those boys knew what they were getting into. They were just pawns in a big game. (Looks around anxiously) Veronica: What? Leticia: They’re here. Veronica: Who’s here? Leticia: Don’t try to follow me. Don’t find me, I won’t testify. Veronica: Just slow down and talk to me. Leticia: I’d get as far away from here as you can girl. (Comes close) Cause there ain’t nobody they can’t get to. (She hurries off running through puddles while Veronica calls after her. sht changes to show Kellerman and Hale across the street, sipping coffee.) CUT TO: [INT. AGENT KELLERMAN’S OFFICE-DAY] (He’s anxious; sht goes to the different pieces of Secret Service paraphernalia. Unable to take it, he picks up the phone.) CUT TO: [EXT. HOUSE IN THE SECLUDED AREA-DAY] (sht goes inside to a woman at the island in her kitchen chopping garlic when the phone rings.) The Garlic Cutter: Hello? Kellerman: We have a small complication. There’s a lawyer poking around. The Garlic Cutter: Veronica Donovan. Kellerman: Yes. The Garlic Cutter: You can handle a girl who graduated in the middle of her Baylor law school class. At least I’d like to think so, given the stakes of what we’re dealing with here. (Silence as children run through the kitchen. She nudges them towards the TV.) Anyone who’s a thrat to what we’re doing is expendable. Kellerman: Understood. The Garlic Cutter: Do what you need to do to make this go away. (She hangs up, and he places the phone onto its receiver. Then he cracks his neck sharply, ready to get to work.) CUT TO: [EXT. PAN OVER FOX RIVER PENITENTIARY-NIGHT] CUT TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-NIGHT] (He’s still scraping away, filing the edges down.) T-Bag: You in there pretty? (T-Bag hangs of the bars of his cell, grinning manically) (Michael stops, listening, then continues.) I know you’re there. (Michael stops again and looks toward his cell door.) Just want you to know that I’m comin for you. You’ve got nowhere to run. You’re trapped in that little hole of yours. (A soon to be ironic statement) Trapped like the pig (In a menacing whisper) that I’m gonna slaughter. (Michael gives a little moan and continues, then looks at the bolt.) WHITE FLASH TO: [FLASHBACK-INT. MICHAEL’S APARTMENT-NIGHT] (He’s sitting at his desk looking at the actual blueprints on paper and the layout structure for the toilet. ALLEN bolts.) WHITE FLASH TO: [PRESENT DAY- INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-NIGHT] (He pulls up his arm sleeve and pretends to insert it into a place on his tattoo. Michael then goes to his toilet and unscrews another bolt near the top of the toilet, using the ALLEN bolt. sht runs through the tunnels and sewers and up through the grate into the infirmary.) Dr. Tancredi: Who’s my one o clock? Kathy: Michael Scofield. CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] C-Note: I was wrong about you Scofield. Here’s the Pugnac. Michael: A little late. C-Note: Well better late than never, right? CO: Scofield! Infirmary! Michael: We’ll see about that. (He walks away) C-Note: Uhmmm. I’m going to find out you know, (Michael stops) what it is you’re doin up there. CUT TO: [INT. PRISON INFIRMARY- DAY] (Dr. Tancredi takes Michael’s index finger and she swabs it, getting ready to administer the test. She punctures the skin, drawing blood and applies a testing pad to take the blood.) Michael: How long does it take? Dr. Tancredi: It used to take hours, but we’ve come a long way with the new glucose kits. This’ll take us ten seconds. (Michael looks apprehensive) Slide this strips into the meter then we’re ready to go. I’m sure you know this but, the average glucose for a non- diabetic is about one hundred milligrams per deciliter. We see a number like that here and we know you’ve been misdiagnosed. (Michael looks ill, fidgeting. He glances over at the grate in the corner, then rubs his temples.) (Softly) You seem nervous. Michael: (Acting surprised) I do? Dr. Tancredi: You’re sweating. Michael: Must be needles. Never got used to them. (The processing finishes) Dr. Tancredi: Somehow, with diabetes and that tattoo, I find that hard to believe. (He pulls his arm sleeve down) Dr. Tancredi: Ah. Bad news I’m afraid. (She shows him the meter) one hundred and eighty milligrams per deciliter. You are definitely diabetic. (Michael, forgetting himself, smiles a huge smile of relief.) Michael: Do you need anything else from me? Dr. Tancredi: Just an arm to stick a needle in. Michael: Okay. (He gets up, rejuvenated and leaves) Dr. Tancredi: See you Wednesday. Kathy: Cute! Dr. Tancredi: Prisoner. I don’t know. There’s something strange about him. Kathy: What do you mean? Dr. Tancredi: I gave him the results of his blood test and there was this look on his face. It was um…relief. (She thinks about it) CUT TO: [EXT. OUTSIDE OF PRISON YARD-DAY] (A CO escorts Michael back to his cell. Bellick intervenes.) Bellick: It’s okay. I got it. I’m headed over to the A wing anyhow. (He takes over escorting Michael, he whistles softly) Michael: (Dryly) You’re positively beaming boss. Bellick: Got up on the right side of the bed this morning I guess. (He pulls Michael’s arm, stopping him.) Hold up. Now don’t you move fishie. (He goes away. Meanwhile burly men come for Michael.) Man: Come with us fish. (They take him to the gardening shed where Abruzzi is waiting, humming to himself. Bellick sees this and walks away, laughing.) Abruzzi: This little polka that you and I have been for a while as of this moment (Pats the surface beside him) it’s over. (The men deposit Michael in that spot.) Fibonacci. I wanna know how you got to him and where he is right now. Michael: (Stares at him) Not gonna happen John. (Abruzzi nods, we’ll see. Then he nods to his boys. They grab Michael and hold him down. He struggles but they manage to get his left shoe and sock off. They put gardening shears to his smallest toe.) Abruzzi: I’m going to count to three. One. Michael: (Breathing heavily) I give you that information I’m a d*ad man. You know it and I know it. Abruzzi: Two. Michael: I’ll tell you the moment we’re outside those walls. Not a second before. Abruzzi: Tell me now. Michael: (Whispering) Not gonna happen John. Abruzzi: Hey. I’ll give you one last chance. (Michael remains silent and Abruzzi can’t believe it. Abruzzi nods to the man holding the shears.) Three. (The shears close and Michael’s face distorts in pain.) CUT TO BLACK	{"type": "series", "show": "Prison Break", "episode": "01x02 - Allen"}	foreverdreaming
COLD OPEN TO: [INT. GARDENING SHED-DAY] (The toe has been cut off and Michael is in a tremendous amount of pain.) CO: (Coming in) Oh my God! (They sit Michael up and Abruzzi wraps his sock around his foot.) What the hell happened? Abruzzi: An accident. (Michael is lifted into two CO’s arms and they help him hobble out of the gardening shed. Abruzzi has the toe.) Bellick: Get out. (Abruzzi’s boys leave) I thought you said you were going to have a conversation with him. Abruzzi: I had it. Things sort of escalated. CUT TO: [INT. INFIRMARY-DAY] (The CO’s rush Michael in and are calling out to whoever’s in the room.) CO: We need some help here! Dr. Tancredi: Bring him on in here. Kathy, I’m going to need ten cc’s of Xylacane. (They enter the makeshift ER and the CO’s place Michael carefully onto the bed. Michael starts to cry, putting his hands up to his face.) Dr. Tancredi: (To the CO’s standing around Thanks guys, I’ll take it from here. (The CO’s don’t move, unsure.) I said thank you. (Firmly) I’ll take it from here. (A CO throws Michael’s shoe down and they all leave. sht goes to a close up on Michael’s bloody, wrapped foot. Dr. Tancredi brings over a small working tray.) Dr. Tancredi: Okay, let’s take a look. (She goes to unwrap the sock covering the foot and Michael, crying, grabs her wrists frantically, needing her to be gentle, not able to handle very much more.) (Softly, gently) You’re okay. You’re okay. (He slowly let’s go of her wrists and she quickly, but gently unwraps the red sock. Michael sees his foot and the tears start to come harder as he lies back, unable to look anymore.) Dr. Tancredi: (Seeing this) What happened? Michael: (Taking in a deep breath) Nothing. Dr. Tancredi: (Pushing him) This isn’t nothing Michael, I need you to tell me what happened. Michael: (Almost delirious in the excruciating pain) Don’t make me lie to you. (She looks at him, slightly alarmed) Please! (Sara walks out of the ER and over to Bellick, who is talking with some of the other CO’s. He sees her and heads off in the opposite direction, taking off his cap.) Dr. Tancredi: I think you’d better have a head start in the investigation. Bellick: Oh. There’s no need to. We already know what happened. Dr. Tancredi: Perhaps, you would be good enough to enlighten me? Bellick: Well, there’s a pair of gardening shears left on the floor of the shed. Evidently, he stepped on them. Dr. Tancredi: Blade went right through his foot huh? Bellick: (Missing where she is leading this) Yeah. Dr. Tancredi: So, why wasn’t the boot still on his foot? Bellick: Like I said Doc. We got it taken care of. (To the other CO’s) Let’s go. (He puts his hat on and they exit.) CUT TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-NIGHT] (Close up on the freshly bandaged foot. The sht moves up his body to Michael’s face as he keeps thinking about the what happened and the entire situation he’s put himself in. his eyes widen and he rubs them. A glimpse of hopelessness and desperation crosses over his features.) CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (Michael is getting used to walking without a little toe in his boots. He is feigning the job of raking.) Lincoln: (From the other side of the fence) I’m gonna kll that scum. Michael: (Looking at Abruzzi) You won’t. You kll him and kll our express ticket out of here. Lincoln: Look what he did to you Michael. (Shaking the fence) You’re not going to last a second in this place unless I do something about it. Michael: (Calm) You ever heard of Top Flight Charters? Lincoln: Yeah. Michael: They operate flights from small air fields across the mid west. Like the one ten miles from here. They’re run by a Shell Company (sht of Abruzzi playing poker) Abruzzi owns. We get him on board there’s going to be a midnight flight waiting for us the night we get outside those walls. Lincoln: You’re willing to risk the entire escape on a guy you don’t even know? Michael: Preparation can only take you so far. (Looks up to the CO tower) After that you gotta take a few leaps of faith. (Lincoln, pissed off, walks away from the wall.) Lincoln: Abruzzi’s a huge leap of faith Michael. Michael: I’m not talking about Abruzzi. There’s someone else who holds the key to this entire thing. With him it either works or it doesn’t. Problem is, couldn’t know who that is until I got in here. (He is looking at Sucre walk in, fresh from the shoe. Lincoln strides back to the wall, incredulous.) Lincoln: Sucre! You can’t be serious. Guy’s a thief Michael, he can’t be trusted. Michael: We’re going to have to trust him, because he’s my cellmate. (Lincoln paces up and down beside the fence) Lincoln: How well do you know him? Michael: About as well as a man can in a week. Lincoln: You tell him, he tells everyone, we’re done. You know that right? Michael: If we don’t get him on board, there’s not going to be any digging in that cell and if there’s no digging in that cell…then there’s no escape. (sht zooms into Lincoln’s eyes.) OPENING CREDITS OPEN TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (Phone is ringing. Sucre is calling Maricruz on a communal phone) Sucre: Maricruz. It’s me baby, you there? Pick up if you’re there. Mari, I’ve been in the shoe. I’ve been thinking about you, (V.O. as the sht goes to Maricruzs home) about your body. God I’ve been thinking about your body. Mrs. Delgado: Hello? Sucre: Mrs. Delgado, how you doin? It’s Fernando. (Awkward silence as she doesn’t respond.) Sorry to bother you at home, but you know what is up with Maricruzs cell phone? It keeps going straight to voice mail. Mrs. Delgado: So maybe she has it turned off. Sucre: Any chance you know where she is? Mrs. Delgado: I know exactly where she is. Sucre: And that would be? Mrs. Delgado: With Hector. Sucre: (Getting upset) With Hector! Mrs. Delgado: That’s right. They’re at the mall I think. Sucre: I don’t suppose the next time you see you could tell her to turn her cell phone back on. Mrs. Delgado, I know you don’t like me, but I love your daughter and she loves me. We’re going to get married you know. Mrs. Delgado: If you were a decent man and you really loved love her you would let her live her life. Sucre: (Edgily) What’s that supposed to mean? Mrs. Delgado: I’ll tell her you called. (She hangs up) (Sucre bangs the phone against its box, angrily.) CUT TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-DAY] (Sucre takes a picture of him and Maricruz off of the wall and looks at it. Meanwhile Michael thinks below him.) WHITE FLASH TO: [FLASHBACK- INT. MICHAEL’S APARTMENT-NIGHT] (Michael paces before his article covered window. The sht closes in on a stickie that says “Cell Test”) WHITE FLASH TO: [PRESENT DAY- INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-DAY] (Michael fingers a small black cell phone as the buzzer sounds and the cell doors open.) CUT TO: [INT. METAL SHOP-DAY] (T-Bag enters the shop with a bible in his hand) T-Bag: I’m lookin to do some damage. Friend: Well you’ve come to the right place. T-Bag: I wanna (He wiggles his fingers) do it slow. Inflict a maximum amount of pain so a guy wishes he’d just die. You know, get it over with, but just can’t quite get there. Friend: Oh. I got that. I got that. Look at this right here boss. (He takes out a Knfe that has five razor sharp edges jutting out from one side.) I call it the gutter. Jam it up there in the stomach. These bits right here hook onto the intestines and pull back, poor suckers. Guts are hanging right out of his stomach. And he’ll get a good look at them, because the wounds not fatal, at least not until the infection sets in. (He hands it to T-Bag, who places it into his bible.) T-Bag: (Whispering into his ear) You’re one sick puppy, you know that? (He pats him on the shoulder) Friend: Thank you. CUT TO: [INT. OPEN VISITING AREA-DAY] (Michael walks in, limping slightly where Veronica stands to meet him. She looks him up and down.) Veronica: What happened? Michael: I’m okay. (He sits down and she follows) (He can’t quite seem to look at her) Veronica: They’ve gotten to you, haven’t they? (Michael looks at her) The other prisoners. My god Michael, this place is going to kll you. Michael: (Ignoring it) You said you talked to a woman. What was her name? Veronica: Leticia. Michael: Leticia Barris. Veronica: (Surprised) How’d you know? Michael: A year ago, I was doing exactly what you’re doing, trying to find out the truth. It’s a bottomless pit Veronica. They designed it that way, so that the time you got to the bottom of it Lincoln would be dad. Veronica: Why didn’t you tell me you were doing this? Michael: Once the date was set, once that final appeal had been rejected he had sixty days to live. Figured I could play their game and watch him die in the process or I could take matters into my own hands. (He looks down) Veronica: (Leaning in) You don’t have to do that. Leticia knows something. I can get it out of her and maybe we can reopen Lincoln’s case. Michael: (Looking at her) What did she tell you? Veronica: She said that somebody else was behind the klling of the vice presidents brother. Michael: Who? Veronica: She got spooked. She took off before I could get anything out of her. (Buzzer sounds and Michael looks away. They both begin to stand.) She’s holed up in the Alaysian field projects. I’m going to go see her this afternoon. Michael: Place is dangerous. You should take someone with you. Veronica: Who? Michael: Fiancee’d be a good place to start. Veronica: I think that’s probably the last thing in the world Sebastian would ever want to do. Michael: (Seriously) It’s good to see you. Veronica: You too. (They hold each other’s eyes for a long moment and then she walks out. He watches her go before he moves to leave.) CUT TO: [INT. PROBATION OFFICE-DAY] PO: No priors. Good student. And then you get yourself arrested for intent to sell. (LJ looks like he’s about to say something) Good life get a little boring? LJ: It was a stupid thing to do…it won’t happen again. PO: Well, we’re all here to make sure of that. I took some time to speak to your mother before you came in. she told me that there were some extenuating circumstances in your life right- LJ: (Rolls his eyes and glances at his mom) If you’re talking about that guy at Fox River, he’s got nothing to do with this. Lisa: He refuses to call him his father. LJ: (Simply) The world would be a better place without him. Lisa: (Reprovingly) LJ. PO: (Has been watching this.) It’s clear to me that you got a lot of anger young man. Misdirected it could land you in the wrong place. (Leans back in her chair) So to make sure that doesn’t happen, you’re going to have to check in with me once a week. Fridays. One hour. Your attendance at school, your grades need to be pristine. LJ: Absolutely. PO: And to give you a real good idea of where that anger’ll get you if you don’t rein it in, I’m signing you up for the Scared Straight program at Fox River. You’ll have a mentor who you’ll work with weekly, give you a little perspective. LJ: A mentor? PO: Your father. (LJ doesn’t know how to respond to this.) CUT TO: [INT. P.I-DAY] (Michael brings a paint bucket to where Sucre is working. He opens the power box on a concrete pillar. Takes a wrapped package out of the bucket and unwraps it. It is a cell phone. Sucre is watching him.) Sucre: (Whispers) Tell me that isn’t what I think it is. Michael: (Storing the cell phone in the box) It ain’t what you think it is. Sucre: Fish, a cell phone in here! That’s cardinal sin number one. They can tack two years onto your bid atmatic. Michael: If they catch you. Sucre: Man you know what kind of trouble I can get into for just knowing what I know. Michael: (Discreetly) Shhhhhhhhhhhh. Sucre: (Goes back to painting, then stops) That means I can make calls whenever I want, right? Michael: (Stares at him hard) I don’t like the look in your eye. What’s in there, you never saw it, got it? (Without waiting for a response, he walks away. Sucre watches him leave.) CUT TO: [INT. LINCOLN’S CELL-DAY] Pope: (Standing in Lincolns cell doorway) Why didn’t you include any names? Lincoln: Why would I want anyone to watch me die? Pope: I’ve seen it happen a number of ways. Some people want to go it alone. Others have grandiose statements they wanna make. But most want some member of their family there when they leave this world. Lincoln: I’ll do it alone. Pope: Son. In my opinion, all inmates who have made that decision have deeply regretted it in their final minutes. Now I’ll…uh… (He looks at the paper) leave it blank for now. You have less than four months now. You should give it some thought. (He tosses the piece of paper onto Lincoln’s bed before he leaves. Lincoln sits down on his bed and puts his head into his hands.) CUT TO: [EXT. ALAYSIAN PROJECTS-DAY] (Veronica enters the housing project.) Veronica: Hi. I’m looking for Leticia Barris. Woman: Five. Veronica: Thank you. (She slowly walks up the stairs and looks into the ajar doorway of apartment five. She slowly enters the apartment, looking around.) Hello? (Looks around some more before suddenly Leticia bursts through another door, pointing a semi atmatic at Veronica’s head.) Leticia: Don’t you move a muscle. (The sht zooms in on Veronica’s apprehensive face. then CUT TO Commercial Set.) OPEN TO: [INT. LETICIA’S APARTMENT-DAY] Veronica: (Hands still up) Take it easy Leticia. Leticia: (Still pointing the gn at her) You’re working for them aren’t you? Veronica: (Alarmed) With who? Leticia: You think I’m stupid lady? I hear the clicks on my phone. I see the cars out there on the street. Veronica: (Trying to stay calm) I know you’re scared. I am too. But please put the gn down! (Veronica looks hesitantly down at the half filled suitcase flung on the unmade bed.) Where are you goin? (Leticia puts the gn down and continues to haphazardly pack.) Leticia: Ireland. What difference does it make? Veronica: It makes all the difference. No one has ever gotten your testimony. Leticia: And that’s exactly the reason I’m still breathin. Veronica: I’m not with them Leticia. You have to believe me. Leticia: Oh yeah. Then what you sneakin in here for? (She stops and looks at Veronica) Veronica: I thought maybe they’d gotten to you. Leticia: (Smirking) Oh yeah and why do you care about my well-being all of the sudden? Veronica: I don’t. (Leticia stops again and looks at her admirably) Leticia: Finally an honest answer. Veronica: But maybe you can save Lincoln. And maybe you can bring down the guys who klled your boyfriend in the process. If somebody klled you and Crab could have done something to the guys who did it, you think he would have? Leticia: (In tears) I’m not as strong as he was. I can’t take those people on. Veronica: I’ll take em on. All you have to do is come into my office and tell me what you know. I’ll type it up, you can sign the affidavit and split. I’ll take you to the airport myself. (The sht closes in on Leticia’s face) CUT TO: [EXT. FOX RIVER-DAY] (Prisoners are being transferred into the Penitentiary.) CUT TO: [INT. P.I-DAY] (Sucre looks at where the cell phone is being kept.) CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (Lincoln walks on his side of the fence, looks at something and then drops it. He gets closer to the fence, something attracting him on the other side. Sucre is with his hombres, speaking in Spanish, gesturing about a phone. They all laugh.) CUT TO: [INT. DEATH ROW HALLWAY-DAY] (Lincoln is getting escorted back to his cell, he sees Bellick at the end of the hall) Lincoln: Bellick. (He gets onto his knees to be unshackled) Bellick: Hey, what’s up Lincoln? Lincoln: I want some extra time outside for the next few weeks. Bellick: Hehehe. Paint fumes in P.I must be getting to ya. Lincoln: (Looks up, playing his card carefully) Cell phones allowed in here? Bellick: (Taking off his hat) Who? Lincoln: Extra time outside and a couple of cigarettes. Bellick: Half hour one week. One cigarette. (He turns around) Lincoln: Know a con named Sucre? (Bellick slams the door shut) CUT TO: [INT. OPEN VISITING AREA-DAY] (Abruzzi and Falzone are sitting at a table) Falzone: This is what I don’t understand John. Fibonacci fingers you. He put you in prison for life. Yet you act like you don’t even wanna find out where he is. Abruzzi: That’s not true Philly. Falzone: Maybe it’s because you think you don’t have anything left to lose anymore. You know, you’re already locked up. You know, um, maybe you like it in here. I mean I don’t know. (Abruzzi scoffs at that) But what I do know is that if Fibonacci testifies next Monday you and I are going to be neighbors. I’m not going to let that happen. Abruzzi: I don’t think you’d fit in here Philly. Fancy suits and ties; sharkskin. Falzone: I think you’re right. So let’s cut to the chase. (He leans in) Did you break this kid? Did he tell you where Fibonacci is? (Abruzzi takes a little box out of his pocket an slides it carelessly over to Falzone. Falzone is confused.) What is this? Abruzzi: A little gift from me to you. (Falzone opens it and looks slightly repulsed.) Falzone: This his? Abruzzi: Yeah, he won’t crack. Falzone: (Sighs heavily) Perhaps you should consider using a different methodology then John. From what I gather, there are far worse thrat in prison, other than bodily harm. Abruzzi: What happened to the days when you used to trust me Philly. That I would get the job done? Falzone: Those were in the days when you actually did get things done John. (Abruzzi stares at him and behind Falzone the security door opens and in walk two little children; Abruzzi’s kids. He stares at Falzone, disgusted at the level to which Falzone would stoop. They run over to Abruzzi happily yelling his name.) Daughter: Did you hear the news? (Abruzzi pulls the girl onto his lap, forcing a smile onto his face) Abruzzi: What? What news? Daughter: (Pointing to Falzone) We’re going to stay with Uncle Philly at the lake for a few weeks. Falzone: Yeah, we’re going to have a good time. (He laughs creepily and Abruzzi is now looking very nervous) Your right John, maybe you’re right. I do trust you. Now you’re gonna take care of that thing (He has a big, fake smile on his face) aren’t’ you? (Camera sht closes in on Abruzzi’s overwhelmed expression) CUT TO: [INT. HOLDING CELL-DAY] (Bellick smiles and walks in to the cell, where Sucre is standing.) Bellick: So, how are those bone yard visits goin with that girlfriend of yours? I imagine pretty good, huh? You know visitation rules stipulate that conjugals are for married couples. Sucre: We’re engaged. Besides, I got that comin to me cause I ain’t caused no static in this place. (Pleading) Please, don’t take my conjugals. Bellick: (Reassuringly) I won’t. Sucre: (Relaxing slightly) Thank you. Bellick: In exchange, you have to tell me where that cell phone is. (Sucre looks at him sharply) Sucre: A cell phone? Belllick: Don’t play stupid with me. I’m giving you a chance to save your precious conjugals. You lie to me, they’re gone and their never comin back. (Sucre looks away and back; conflicted) So, where’s that cell phone? CUT TO: [INT. P.I-DAY] (Michael and Lincoln are painting at the same pillar when Sucre is escorted back in by Bellick. they both turn to look at him discreetly, then at each other.) Bellick: (Calling to a black inmate) Turner! Your transfer came in. they want you down in administration. (He puts a hand on Sucre’s back and pushes him into Turner’s old spot. Bellick turns and walks out. Sucre picks up a mop handle, under the pretense of getting to work. Lincoln and Michael look at each other.) Lincoln: (Walking away to get more paint, quietly) He didn’t talk. (Sucre sees Bellick leave and straight away walks over to Michael. ) Sucre: (Staring ahead) All I gotta say is that I better be able to get all the free calls I want. Michael: (Pulls out the cell phone) Gonna be kind of hard. (He hands it to Sucre) Sucre: (Taking it and feeling the texture, he breaks it in half) Soap. (Getting angry, he throws the pieces back at Michael) I lost my conjugals over soap. Michael: You might have lost your conjugals, but I could do you one better. Sucre: Maricruz. (Skeptical) You’re going to get me to Maricruz. Michael: That’s right. Sucre: Yeah and how you gonna do that? (Lincoln stops what he is doing and listens carefully.) Michael: We’re breaking out of here. Sucre: (Suspicious) How? Michael: (Leads him away from the other inmates.) It starts in our cell. Sucre: In our cell? Michael: (As Lincoln picks up the cell phone pieces.) To tell you the truth, it’s already started. Sucre: (Suddenly angry) Ah! Are you crazy? You think I wanna break out of here. Sixteen months from now I’m out the gate. I’m getting married Papi and I sure as hell ain’t doin it with a possie on my ass. Man I oughta bat you six days till Sunday. I lost my conjugals, pende hono, because of your little parcel. Michael: (Still looking at him steadily) I had to test you. See if you could keep a secret. Sucre: (Getting in his face) You wanna secret, well I gotta secret for you fish. (Lincoln is still listening) You dig in my cell when I’m there and I’m gonna split your wig. (He says something in Spanish, gesturing to his head and walks off. Michael stands there.) Lincoln: That went well. (The sht zooms in on Michael’s face and then through the tunnels of the prison to Commercial Set.) OPEN TO: [EXT. CHICAGO HIGHRISES-DAY] CUT TO: [INT. VERONICA’S OFFICE-DAY] Veronica (V.O): Why don’t we start with Lincoln’s relationship with your boyfriend. Leticia: Simple. He owed my man ninety grand and he wasn’t getting it done. Then all of the sudden it gets done. Crab walks in with the ninety k and a big fat smile on his face. Veronica: Who paid him? Leticia: Not Lincoln. They paid his marker. Veronica: Who’s they? (Leticia gets nervous and gets up to pace around) It’s alright Leticia. I told you you’re safe here. (Leticia hesitates and looks out the window.) Leticia: Crab brought this guy home. Never saw him before. WHITE FLASH TO: [FLASHBACK- INT. CRAB SIMMONS HOUSE-DAY] (V.O) Crab did what he always did when he was doing big business. (Leticia is narrating the events unfolding) Told me to take a walk, so that’s exactly what I did. There was something about this guy though. He wasn’t the kind of guy that Crab dealt with. WHITE FLASH TO: [PRESENT DAY- VERONICA’S OFFICE-DAY] Veronica: What do you mean? Leticia: Couldn’t put my finger on it until he went outside. (She moves to the window again.) WHITE FLASH TO: [FLASHBACK- CRAB SIMMONS HOUSE-DAY] (Leticia watches as the man goes to his car) (V.O) He had the look. Veronica (V.O): What look? (Two familiar Secret Service men go to their car in fancy suits) Leticia (V.O): You know. Like they own the place, like they’re untouchable. Like they’re government. Veronica (V.O): So the government paid Lincoln’s debt? WHITE FLASH TO: [PRESENT DAY- INT. VERONICA’S OFFICE-DAY] (Leticia’s look to Veronica’s previous question answers it) Did Crab say what they wanted in return? Leticia: Uhu. Veronica: Alright, just give me a moment to type this up.(Leticia heads to the door) Where you goin? Leticia: I’m goin to have a smoke. Veronica: This’ll only take me a minute. Leticia: (Opening the door) So will the smoke. (She exits and Veronica goes back to typing.) CUT TO: [EXT. FOX RIVER ADMINISTRATIVE BUILDING-DAY] CUT TO: [INT. INFIRMARY-DAY] Dr. Tancredi: (Taping the fresh bandage on) No redness or swelling, so that’s no sign of infection. We’ll keep you on antibiotics for the next ten days. (She finishes, then looks up at Michael) Michael, you understand, by law, I’m obligated to file a report if I feel like there’s been prisoner misconduct. There’s no way this injury happened (Michael slowly puts his sock and shoe back on) by stepping on a blade in the gardening shed. Michael: (Plainly) If you file a report, things could get a lot worse for me. Dr. Tancredi: They’re not already? Michael: (Looking at her evenly) Not compared to what they could be. (Smiling sadly) I’ve made some enemies. Dr. Tancredi: Yeah…You scared? (Michael just looks at her and she drops her head.) Men! (He smiles at that) Okay. Here’s what I think. I think you are scared and you wouldn’t be human if you weren’t scared in a place like this. Michael: (Tying his shoelace) When I was young, I couldn’t sleep at night (He puts his foot down, straddling the bed) because I thought there was a monster in the closet. But my brother told me there wasn’t anything in the closet but fear. (Dr. Tancredi smiles) And fear wasn’t real. He said it wasn’t made of anything just…air. Not even that. He said you just have to face it. You just have to open that closet and the monster would disappear. (He looks down) Dr. Tancredi: Brother sounds like a smart man. Michael: (Looks up at her) He is. In here though, you face your fear, you open that door (He begins to reveal some of his frustration and worry) and there’s a hundred more doors behind it. And the monsters that are hiding behind them are all real. Dr. Tancredi: If you want I could recommend that you be sent to Ad. Section. Michael: (Getting up) With the rpe victims and the snitches. Dr. Tancredi: It would keep you safe. Michael: Thanks, but I think I’d like to face the monsters on my own. (He walks out) CUT TO: [INT. VERONICA’S OFFICE-DAY] (Veronica doesn’t look up as somebody enters her office) Veronica: Have a good smoke? Man: I don’t smoke. (Veronica looks up slowly and the sht reveals Agent Kellerman, who sits down.) Didn’t mean to startle you. (He holds out a hand) Special Agent Kellerman, Secret Service. (Veronica shakes his hand, extremely wary.) We’ve been informed that you obtained a copy of the surveillance tape entered as evidence in the Lincoln Burrows trial. Veronica: Is there a problem with that? Kellerman: We’re just following up. Veronica: Has there been some amendment to the Freedom of Information Act that I’m not aware of? Kellerman: You know when a prisoner gets close to the end of his time on death row there’s a lot of last minute- Veronica: I’m sorry, I still don’t understand why this would be a problem for the Secret Service. Kellerman: It’s not. The prosecution made its case far beyond any reasonable doubt. And, we know, that we have the right man. That being said, if you come across anything that could shed some light on his innocence, I’m offering my help. Veronica: (Sarcastic) Sounds great. I really appreciate you coming by. (She stands and he follows suit. They shake hands again) Do you have a card Agent Kellerman? Kellerman: Of course. (He hands one to her) Don’t hesitate to call. Veronica: Thanks. (She looks at the card, thinking) Leticia! (She exits her office and looks into the staff break room where a freshly extinguished cigarette still has smoke rising from the ash tray; but no ones in the room. Veronica rushes out into the street where she sees Kellerman getting into a car. It quickly pulls away from the curb and her cell phone rings; she answers it.) Sebastian! I’m so sorry I- Sebastian: Where are you? Veronica: I’m uh. This isn’t the time, I’m sorry. Sebastian: This is the time. I’m at the rec hall, the coordinators, the vendors. Veronica: I just, look I’m sorry I can’t talk right now. (She shuts the phone and goes inside. Sebastian, on the other end, is incredulous) CUT TO: [INT. CELL BLOCK-DAY] (The sht pans over to Abruzzi’s cell. They watch Michael, who is going back to his cell.) Cellmate: Say we take the whole foot? Abruzzi: We could cut off all his limbs, he still wouldn’t talk. Pain’s not the answer here. (Dryly) Maybe the Beatles were right. Maybe all you need is love. CUT TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-DAY] (Michael walks up to his cell, only to stop in the doorway when he sees Sucre packing) Michael: What are you doing? Sucre: What does it look like I’m doing? I’m rolling it up. Michael: (Entering) You can’t do this. Sucre: I’m done with you and your reindeer games fish. I’m going to transfer to a nice quiet cell with a normal cellie who doesn’t screw my life up. Michael: (Quietly) Look, I’m sorry about your conjugals, but if you go now... (He sht a glance at the CO’s) Don’t do this, Please! Sucre: Listen to me fish, I got sixteen months. I got a fiancé to think about. I get caught with a hole in my wall; I don’t get to see the real world for another five years. CO: Let’s go Sucre. Sucre: (Picking up his stuff) I can’t do that. Michael: (Stopping him) There’s always a solution, we can work it out. Sucre: Sorry fish. (He leaves and the camera closes in on Michael’s face) CUT TO: [INT. LINCOLN’S CELL-DAY] Chaplain: Can I ask you something? Why have you denied any family or loved ones to be there for you in the end? Lincoln: Why would I let them watch me die? I’ve already caused them enough pain. Chaplain: Maybe it’s not about them watching you die. Lincoln: (Finishing the thought) Maybe it’s about me watching them live. That the final trture? Chaplain: No. it’s about how you wanna leave this world. What id the last image you want to take with you? A stranger? (Lincoln looks down, deep in thought) CUT TO: [INT. PRISON CAFETERIA-DAY] (T-Bag watches Michael get his food and moves to rise, getting the gutter ready to shank him. Abruzzi appears at his side and pushes him down, back into his chair) Abruzzi: You got an issue with our little friend over there? T-Bag: I don’t gotta come to you. You don’t give the green light. Abruzzi: Everything here runs through me, you know that. T-Bag: Maytag’s in the ground because of that piece of detritus. Abruzzi: So now you want him. T-Bag: Everyday for the rest of his bid. Abruzzi: Seems you and I have something in common then. CUT TO: [INT. PRISON HALLWAY-DAY] (The prisoners are all walking in line to the prison yard. Michael gets yanked out of the line and into a room of the side of the hall) Abruzzi: (His back to Michael) Easy now fish. Don’t make this any harder than it needs to be. It’s time we came to an arrangement. Don’t you think? (As Abruzzi says this, T-Bag materializes from behind him. T-Bag looks at him. The sht cuts to Commercial Set) OPEN TO: [EXT. FOX RIVER PENITENTIARY-DAY] CUT TO: [INT. ROOM OFF THE HALL-DAY] T-Bag: You know, I was thinkin I was gonna gut you bowel to stern as soon as I laid eyes on you. But alack the day you look so pretty when you’re scared. (To Abruzzi) I think we’re gonna get the love out of the way before we move onto the hate, what do you say to that pretty? Hmmm…yeah. Maybe it’s time I lit that fre once and for all, huh? (Just as puts he puts the gutter down Abruzzi elbow punches him in the face. T-Bag falls back and Abruzzi punches him again in the face. Then he turns back to Michael, leaving T-Bag for his boys to bat up) Abruzzi: Eh. He talks too much. (He grabs the back of Michael’s neck) You and I need to have a conversation. (They leave the room and reenter the line. Abruzzi smoothes his hair back) What happened in there was my way of saying I know. I’ve been going about this whole thing the wrong way. (Michael just looks at him, extremely wary) I’m trying to make amends here. Bygones be bygones. He holds out his hand which Michael looks at Abruzzi with heavy suspicion Michael: You’re a mercurial man John. Abruzzi: I prefer bold. (He walks ahead) CUT TO: [EXT.PRISON YARD-DAY] (The inmates are walking in the prison line into the square) Abruzzi: Tell me what you need from me. Michael: A trade. You get me on a plane and I’ll get you Fibonacci. Abruzzi: What do you need a plane for? Michael: I think you know. Abruzzi: I help you I’m in, you know that don’t you? Michael: (Looks at him) I do. Abruzzi: I just gotta know the exact date and time. Michael: I’ll tell you soon enough. Abruzzi: Soon enough ain’t gonna cut it. I need to be outside those walls before Fibonacci testifies. Michael: You will be. Abruzzi: (Skeptical) He testifies in one month. Michael: Then you’ll be out in plenty of time. Abruzzi: If not, you’re a corpse. (They both look at each other.) So you better cut the crap and tell me the exact date and time so I can start making the arrangements. Michael: I don’t know if I can trust you that information yet. Abruzzi: Why not? Michael: Like I said John, you’re a mercurial man. (They enter the prison yard.) CUT TO: [INT. CLOSED VISITING AREA-DAY] (Lincoln is about to go in) Lincoln: Lewis, take these off. (Gesturing to the hand shackles) CO Lewis: I can’t do that. Lincoln: Come on, I’m in a cage. Ten minutes. (CO Lewis goes to take him out, ignoring Lincoln’s plea) Please! It’s my kid. (CO Lewis looks out into the visiting area and then back at Lincoln. Lincoln enters the cage, his arms free and sits down.) LJ: (Rubbing his hands together, nervous) So here we are. Lincoln: (Smiling) Yeah. How have you been? LJ: (Laughing nervously) Ha! You know, in trouble. Lincoln: How’s your mom? LJ: (Laughing again) She’s good. Lincoln: Hey, um, I’ve been talking to the Chaplain and uh, they’d like me to decide who I should have at the uh. (He doesn’t want to say it, rubs his chin.) I guess what I’m trying to say is, when you get to the end you start to realize what’s important to you, who really matters to you. (The sht goes to LJ, who has tears in his eyes) And you know that leaves you and Mike; you’re the only blood I got left in this world. LJ: Yeah, I gotta say I’m not really following what you’re sayin. Lincoln: Well, uh, in the end the only thing that matters is love, blood…family (LJ nods quietly) Ummmm. (He looks up and reaches his hand over the glass to the steel linked chain.) Give me your hand. LJ: What are you doin? Lincoln: Give me your hand. (When LJ doesn’t respond, he waits, then tries again, quietly pleading) Give me your hand. (LJ, about to start crying, places his hand against Lincolns, their fingers connecting.) I want you to be there when. I want you to be there the day before I die. (He looks at LJ) So I can see you, so I can hold you. (LJ nods and Lincoln sees something in his expression) Oh yeah. (He’s answered the question that was unasked) I love you. I’ve always loved you. (LJ starts crying) LJ: This whole thing. (He pauses as emotions thrat to overwhelm him.) I don’t know if I can take it. Lincoln: Me neither. I don’t have a choice. You do. (The camera pulls back to show both men, more than just hands finally connected, though the glass separates them.) CUT TO: [EXT. WATERSIDE RESTAURANT-DAY] (Sebastian has been sitting at a table for what appears to be a long time. Veronica hurries up) Veronica: I’m so sorry. I met with this woman today and she knew something about Lincoln’s case and then she just disappeared. I think something happened to her. Sebastian: (Not interested) Look, I’m going to make this real easy for you. Do you want to get married (The sht goes to Veronica’s face) or not? Veronica: I don’t know. Sebastian: Wonderful! (He pulls his hand away from hers) Veronica: Maybe we could postpone it. Look I can’t do this right now. My head’s not in it, it’s supposed to be a celebration. Sebastian: If you’re really telling me you want to postpone this thing then I wanna cancel it. Veronica: (Tears in her eyes) Sebastian I’m sorry. Sebastian: (Brightly) I’ll come get my stuff tomorrow. (He picks up his keys and leaves Veronica sitting there alone.) CUT TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL –NIGHT] (Michael opens a book to reveal the carefully hidden Allen bolt in a space in the spine of the book. He goes over to the toilet and starts to unscrew another bolt at the top of the toilet.) Bellick: open on forty. (The cell door opens. Michael rushes to get the Allen out and stands, slipping the Allen into his pocket right when Bellick walks in.) Scofield! Found you a new cellie. As luck would have it I found him in the psych ward and you’re the only guy with an empty tray so… Michael: Psych ward! Bellick: You gotta problem with that? (Pulls out his Billy stick) Cause if you do, feel free to drop it in my suggestion box. (He taps the inner rim of the toilet. They stare at each other and Bellick walks out.) Haywire, get in here. (A scrawny, sickly looking man enters the cell) Close on forty. Oh and Scofield, just a heads up, don’t make eye contact with him. (Haywire looks around his new cell and then at his new cellmate. Michael looks away, nothing turning out how he needs) CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (Lincoln sh*t a basketball then goes over to the fence where Michael walks by.) Michael: Lincoln we have a problem. I got a new cellmate. Lincoln: Who? (Michael nods ahead to Haywire) That’s a problem. Michael: We’re going to have to bring him on board. Lincoln: You don’t bring a guy like that on board. Michael: Then I’ll dig at night, when he’s sleeping. CO: Ten feet Scofield. (Gestures) (They move apart and as the CO turns back around they move towards the fence again) Lincoln: How far behind are we? Michael: Three days. Lincoln: I thought you said the margin for error was zero days. Michael: I did. (He walks off, leaving Lincoln alone with his basketball.) CUT TO: [EXT. COUNTRYSIDE-DAY] (A car pulls up and backs into a secluded area near the woods. Agent’s Kellerman and Hale get out) Kellerman: Aw, nice out here. I got a buddy who’s got a place way back in these woods, comes up here hunting around this time of year. (They go around the car to the trunk and open it. Hale immediately gets a kick in the stomach) Put her back in, back in. (They try again and this time succeed to remove her from the trunk. Hale pulls her out and holds onto her) Take her out there. Hale: She’s nothing. Nobody would believe her if she talked anyway. (Leticia looks at him pleadingly, her mouth taped shut) Kellerman: (Ignoring Hale) One hundred yards or so should do it…Do it…Go! (Hale takes her out into the brush and she puts up a fight as he puts her on her knees and stands behind her; struggling to get his gn out to sht her execution style.) Hale: I’m sorry. You gotta believe that. (A train spooks him and he releases Leticia, who takes the opportunity to run.) Damn it! (He aims at her and sht, missing. She keeps running, screaming under her duct taped mouth. Kellerman hears the commotion and starts to run. Hale sh*t again and connects with her calf. Leticia falls, but continues to crawl forward, Hale catches up quickly though.) Leticia: Please!! (Terrified of him, edging away) Please!! (Hale points the gn at her, unable to…) Please!! (Another gn sht rings out and the camera pulls back to reveal Kellerman with a smoking gn.) Kellerman: (Disgusted) Pick up the casings. (He walks off) CUT TO: [EXT. FOX RIVER PENITENTIARY-NIGHT] CUT TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-NIGHT] (Michael has waited enough time to presume that Haywire is asleep. Then, quietly, he goes over to the toilet. He’s about to get started when he hears bedsprings creak. He looks over to the beds and Haywire has turned around and is staring at him.) Michael: What’s your problem? Haywire: I’ve got a neural anatomic lesion affecting my reticular activating system. Michael: What does that mean? Haywire: It means I don’t sleep…at all! (He lies back down and Michael looks supremely frustrated. The sht zooms through the tunnels and sewers of the prison.) CUT TO BLACK	{"type": "series", "show": "Prison Break", "episode": "01x03 - Cell Test"}	foreverdreaming
FADE INTO: [INT. LINCOLN’S CELL-NIGHT] (Camera pans around the dark cell to settle on Lincoln, sleeping. Suddenly the lights come on and Bellick steps in.) Bellick: On your feet. (Lincoln shields his eyes from the sudden bright light) Lincoln: What time is it? What’s going on? CO: Let’s go Lincoln. On your feet. (They pull him up and out of his cell) Lincoln: No. No! Bellick! Bellick! Bellick! (He struggles the entire way and when they reach the room, he begins to panic even more.) NO! NO! (The chair is ready) Please no! I’m not ready! (They sponge his forehead and start placing the equipment on him, he whispers) Please Bellick! Please no! (He starts trying to steady his breaths, prepare himself for what’s going to happen. The one way mirror shows people watching this on the other side. The CO’s put the final bolt in and they all step away) Bellick: (Coming close to Lincoln) Make your peace Lincoln. (He pulls a black cloth down over his face) Let’s get on with it. (Lincoln is terrified…they flip the switch) CUT TO: [INT. LINCOLN’S CELL-NIGHT] (He wakes up on his stomach and gets up, unnerved. He puts his head in to his hands. CUT TO: [EXT. FOX RIVER STATE PENITENTIARY-DAY] CUT TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-DAY] (Michael is digging behind the toilet. He slides the bolt through the cracks in the concrete. Michael hears a sound and knows that Haywire is coming back. He places the toilet back in it’s spot and stands up.) CO: 40 (Haywire returns and jumps up onto his bed) CO: Close on 40. (Michael acts as though he’s been washing his face.) Michael: Haywire, you ever think about breaking out? Haywire: What the hell would I do out there? Michael: Not be here. Haywire: Halfway houses, psych visits, meds, checkin in with the PO, urine samples, keepin a job. No. why do you ask? Michael: (Testing him) This guy was talking about it in the yard yesterday. I didn’t know what to say. Haywire: Tell officer Bellick, he’ll make life easy for you if…uh… (Haywire looks up and something in Michael’s tattoo catches his eye.) Michael: If what? Haywire: Your tattoos… Michael: (Turning around to face him) What about them? Haywire: (Looking him over) What are they of? Michael: They’re just tattoos. (He reaches out and grabs a sweatshirt) Doctor: (Comes up to the door) Candy time Haywire (Still staring at Michael, Haywire hops off the bed to take his meds) Haywire: (Turning back to Michael) They think I have schizo affected disorder with bi polar tendencies. (Turns back to the Doc) Whatever. (He takes the pills) Take the pills; keep the quacks off of my back. (Sticks out his tongue as the doc shines a light inside, checking.) Bye now. (Turning back to Michael) Get out of my way) (He goes over to the toilet and forces himself to throw up) Michael: You know, maybe they give you those things for a reason. Haywire: Yeah. (He straightens up) To keep me dull, to keep me in their invisible freakin handcuffs. Seriously though, those tattoos, their beautiful. Do you mind if I you know, look at the whole thing? Michael: (Getting another shirt on) I do actually. Haywire: Why? Michael: (Fixing his collar and stepping outside the open cell door) Does there need to be a reason? (Haywire just stands there) CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (Michael walks up to Sucre, who is passing him) Michael: Sucre Sucre: (Giving him the hand) I’m not even talking to you man. (He walks inside and Haywire walks out, looking at Michael. Michael turns and lifts up his arm sleeve to reveal a part of the tattoo which says “CUTE POISON”) WHITE FLASH TO: [FLASHBACK- INT. MICHAEL’S APARTMENT-NIGHT] (Michael is sitting at his desk in his apartment, reading. He goes over to the wall and writes CUTE POISON over a chemical reaction formula) WHITE FLASH TO: [PRESENT DAY- EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] Abruzzi: What’s the problem? Michael: Nothing I can’t handle. Abruzzi: I knew there was a problem. I could tell by looking at you from across the yard. Guys didn’t I say there was a problem? What’s the problem? Michael: (Turning his head slightly, gesturing) You’re lookin at it. (Abruzzi looks at Haywire standing behind Michael) Abruzzi: What? Hay? Michael: Yup. That’s my new cellmate. Abruzzi: (Rolling his head) That’s a problem. Michael: He doesn’t sleep. Abruzzi: So when do you dig? Michael: (Evenly) I don’t. Abruzzi: (Getting in his face) Hey, you and I are in bed now. You made me a promise, you said that we were gonna get out of here. (Taking his shoulder) you relig now and I’m gonna gut you. So you better take care of business or I will take care of you. Have a nice day. (He taps Michael’s face and walks away. Michael turns to watch him go, then turns back to see Haywire still standing there; watching him.) OPENING CREDITS OPEN TO: [EXT. FOX RIVER PENITENTIARY-DAY] (Camera pans over the Prison) CUT TO: [INT. POPE’S OFFICE- DAY] Pope: (Pleased) It’s really coming together isn’t it? (Michael pops up from behind the Taj to stand beside him) Michael: Yup. Pope: You think it’ll be done in time? Michael: Well I figure we still have the interior alcoves, and the palaters to do, which is no small task, but yes, I think so. Pope: Listen, I have to say that I really appreciate all the effort that you’re putting into this. (Michael turns away, but Pope persists) I wish there was some way that I could, you know, pay you or something. Michael: There is something you could do for me. (Looks at Pope) My cellmate. Pope: The inimitable Charles Patoshick. Haywire? Michael: Then you know? Pope: Hold it right there. Officer Bellick is in charge of transfers. You’re going to have to talk to him about that. Michael: (Dryly) I tried. But he seems to think we’re a good match. Pope: Has he thrat you? Michael: Who? Haywire or Bellick? Pope: Hmm. Unfortunately, unless there’s evidence of volence or sexual predation between cellmates those kind of requests fall on deaf ears around here. Prison systems a little too crowded to for there to be requests based on personality. It’s not exactly sandals out there. Becky: (Entering the room) Warden, sorry. Your wife’s here. Pope: What! (Coming around his desk and buttoning up his vest) She’s not supposed to be here til four. Becky, do not let her come in here under any circumstances. She’s not supposed to see this until our anniversary. I’ll be right out. (He turns back to Michael, gets his suit jacket and leaves) Hi sweetheart. You’re early. Let’s go eat. Judy: You’re acting funny. Pope: I am? Judy: (Smiling) What’s going on in there? Pope: You know, just going over some files. Judy: Becky said you were in a meeting. (Pope looks at Becky and then back to Judy) This isn’t Toldeo all over again is it? Pope: (Confused and then hurt) Toledo? How can you say that? Judy: Then you won’t mind if I look. (She moves past him towards his office door) Pope: Judy. (As he says her name, Michael walks out of the office and closes the door quickly) Michael: Warden, I’m not going to be able to cooperate. I’d get klled if I did. Johnson’s still deciding. Pope: (Catching on) Then you and I are done. (Michael nods tersely and leaves. Judy looks at her husband) Judy: You should have just told me. Pope: Well, you know how anxious I get when you come around the inmates. (To Becky) Have a guard escort Johnson back to his cell, I’ll deal with him later. (To Judy) Let’s go eat. (They exit) CUT TO: [INT. OPEN VISITING AREA-DAY] (Lincoln is escorted inside and looks with surprise at who’s standing before him. sht turns around to reveal Veronica Donovan. Lincoln shuffles forward, wary) Lincoln: What are you doing here? Veronica: I’m your attorney. I’m representing you now, if that’s alright with you? Lincoln: Last time you came here, you called me a liar. Veronica: Things have changed. I believe you now. (She sits down) I got in touch with Crab Simmons girlfriend, Leticia. She corroborated your story. Lincoln: (Astounded) Will she testify? Veronica: She’s missing. I think that the Secret Service got to her. Lincoln: Secret Service? Veronica: (Leaning in) They’ve been poking around. As soon as they show up, she disappears. (Rhetorically) What do you think happened? Lincoln: I…I didn’t realize it went that high up, you know? Do you know what we’re up against? Veronica: All I know is that it is more than either you or I can handle on our own. Lincoln: (Thinking) Project Justice. Veronica: Why have I heard of them. Lincoln: All they handle is death penalty cases. There’s a guy there. Ben Forsythe, I sent him copies of everything I had. I mean, you can go there, tell him what you found. Maybe it’ll be enough to bring him on board. Veronica; Okay. Lincoln: (Awkward silence) So uh…how’s Sebastian? Veronica: What do you mean? Lincoln: Well, you being here, is he cool with it? Veronica: I haven’t talked to him about it. (Lincoln looks cofused) The…um engagements off. Lincoln: Oh! I’m sorry. (He looks down) Veronica: You can at least say that like you mean it. Lincoln: I do. Veronica: God, you were always a lousy liar. (He smiles slightly) Lincoln: Hmm. Yeah. Veronica: I better get to Project Justice. (She gets up and walks away) Lincoln: Veronica, thank you. I didn’t have a whole lot left. Veronica: You can thank me when I get you out of here. (The buzzer sounds as she walks out. Lincoln sighs and puts his forehead onto the table.) CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD- DAY] (Sucre is on the phone) Sucre: Baby it’s me, you there? Hello? You there? (Mna behind Sucre speaks up) Man: Hey, if she is she obviously don’t want to talk to you. (Sucre glares at the man, then turns back to the phone) Sucre: It’s Wednesday babe. You gonna come around today right? Look, I gotta hang up now, I gotta go back in the block but you’re gonna be here today right? I’m your man baby and I love you. I do. CUT TO: INT. PRISON SHOWERS-DAY] (Michael walks out of the shower with a towel around his waist. Haywire is behind him.) Haywire: It’s a pattern. (Michael turns sharply) Michael: What did you say? Haywire: Your tattoo, it’s a pattern. (Michael puts the towel around his upper body, covering the tattoos) Michael: You’re seeing things. CUT TO: [INT. POPE’S OFFICE-DAY] Pope: Putting him in with Haywire is a low blow deputy. Bellick: What? The shrink cleared Haywire for reentry into gen pop. Besides he’s so doped up on meds, he’s like a kitten these days. Pope: (Scoffs) A kitten who mrder his parents. Bellick: With all due respect, Sir. If you give Scofield preferential treatment, it’ll undermine your credibility. (Pope looks at him) Look I know you got a soft spot for the guy because he’s got brains in his head and he’s helping you with that contraption in there but the guys a violent criminal. He deserves punishment just as much as the rest of these guys. Pope: (Irritated) You have been here long enough to know that I’m less interested in punishment then I am in rehabilitation. And sticking him in with Haywire is not rehabilitation in my book. Bellick: (Taking off his hat) Well, you delegated authority over gen pop to me boss. Pope: I know I did. Bellick: Then you either gotta let me do my job or pass it onto somebody else. Pope: Now Red, go easy. There’s a reason I’m giving you more responsibility. (He moves closer) When I retire I’m recommending you to take my place. Don’t make me regret it. (Bellick is surprised) All I’m saying is take another look at the Scofield situation. I trust your judgment. Bellick: Yes Sir. CUT TO: [INT. CLOSED VISITING AREA-DAY] (The prisoners all walk into the open visiting area, but the door shuts as Sucre goes to walk through) Sucre: Whoa, whoa. Hold up. This is supposed to be open visitation. Why are we doin it in here? CO: Ask your visitor. (Sucre looks over to see not Maricruz but Hector. Sucre: What’re you doin Hec? Where’s Maricruz? Hector: She’s not gonna be able to come around here anymore. Sucre: (Alarmed) Is she hurt? Hector: No. She’s fine, she’s fine. She just uh…she’s with me now. Sucre: She’s with you now. This is a joke right? Hector: No. she made a decision man. She decided she needed sab. Sucre: And she’s gonna get that from you? Hector: Look man, you can think whatever you want about me but uh… (Tapping on the glass) I’m not the one who’s in prison. I can actually do something for her. And she wanted me to stop in here first in case you got mad- (Sucre erupts, pounding on the glass. He stands up; cursing at Hector jumps in his seat, then gets up.) You just proved my point. You’re a con and that’s all you’ll ever be. (Sucre makes a thrat gesture to Hector, at which he scoffs and leaves.) CUT TO: [INT. SUPPLY ROOM-DAY] (Michael walks in alone and tosses a large package of cigarettes at the man at the desk) Man: Make it quick. (Michael goes to the back shelves, searching for copper sulphate and phosphoric acid. Finding the chemicals, he puts them in towels in his jacket pockets.) Man: (Louder than necessary) He’s uh right in here. Bellick: Take a walk job. (From the end of the shelving unit) Scofield! (He walks towards him) You’re in a restricted area. Michael: I’m doing yard work for P.I., we need some fertilizer. Bellick: Then why are you in the masonry section? (He takes out his billy stick. Michael spreads his arms, the towels concealing what lies within them. Bellick runs the stick up and down Michael, then stops, satisfied) Oh, by the way, how’s the foot? (And he stomps the heel of his boot onto Michael’s toe stumps. Michael grunts hard and doubles over in pain. Bellick puts a hand on his shoulder and twists his heel, grinding the end of his boot harder into the toes of Michael’s work boots. Michael collapses, breathing heavily. Then Bellick squats down beside him.) Don’t you ever go around me to the Pope again. (He rises) Now move. (Michael gets up and walks as steadily as he can towards the door. sht runs through the tunnels of the prison to Commercial Set) OPEN TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-DAY] (He spits in the sink, thinking) Michael: You know what Haywire? I don’t think we’re gonna work out and since I got here first I think you should go. (sht swings around to Haywire, sitting on his bed, clutching his pillow) Haywire: I crapped myself once in junior high. (Michael looks down, then to the sink where Haywire has his toiletries anally organized.) During P.E. We were playing badminton and I knew I would have to walk past the other students to get to the locker room and so. (Michael picks up Haywires toothpaste container. He unscrews the cap and squeezes, directing the flow into the toilet.) I just started walkin and I tried to make fun of it, you know, before the other kids did. So I turned around behind me and I said, “look I have a tail”. (Michael finishes and slips the empty plastic container into his pocket. Then he flushes the toilet. Haywire leans over the edge of the bed, where Michael’s head is, waiting anxiously) I just shared a secret with you. (Whispers) Now it’s your turn. Michael: You wanna know what the tattoos mean? Haywire: (Excited) Yeah! Michael: (Shortly) Nothing. (He moves to the cell door) (Abruzzi walks up) Abruzzi: Hey fish. (Michael listens) You making any progress? Michael: (Leaning his head on the wall) You mean with sleeping beauty back there or with the digging. Abruzzi: Either. Michael: None. But I know what to do. Abruzzi: Oh yeah. Problem is, you don’t got the stugads to do it. (Michael looks at him, he’s right) CO: Abruzzi, let’s go. Abruzzi: See yeah. (He continues walking) CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] Man: (On the phone) Oh yeah really. Well tell that crazy son of a bitch I said hi. (Sucre hurries over) Sucre: (Gesturing) Wrap it up. Man: How ‘bout Aunt Ruth/ She out of the hospital yet? Sucre: Wrap it up. Man: Hold on ma. (To Sucre) Bite me. (Sucre slams the connection line down. The man puts the phone down, pissed) We got a problem now man. Sucre: (Getting into his face) Let’s handle it then. (Man smiles, doesn’t think it’s worth the effort and leaves.) That’s what I thought. (He starts dialing a number. A phone rings) Maircruz: Hello? Sucre: Maricruz! It’s me baby. What the hell’s going on? What the deal with you and Hector? Maricruz: When were you gonna tell me? Sucre: Tell you what? Maricruz: That Rita Sardini has been visiting you. (On her end, Maricruz is pacing the sidewalk) Sucre: What? Maricruz: Yeah. Hector told me. Sucre: (Getting angry) Hector told you. Hector told you. Of course Hector told you. Baby that guys a snake, he’s a liar. Maricruz: Why would he lie? Sucre: Why would he lie? Because he’s been trying to get into your pants since the minute we started dating that’s why. Maricruz: You know what. I don’t know what to believe. Sucre: Me mami, believe me. Maricruz: Yeah well. I wait by the phone twice a week. Sucre: (Pleading) Baby, where is this coming from? Maricruz: I don’t know. (Sighs) Look there’s just so many things. Yesterday I went to Theresa’s house and I saw her baby. Sucre: Is that what this is about? You think your clock is ticking? Maricruz: I’m going to be thirty in a few years. Sucre: (Trying to reason with her) Baby you’re twenty five. You wanna get pregnant? Let’s get pregnant right now. Maricruz: Baby, you know I can’t get pregnant until I’m married. Sucre: We’re gonna get married in sixteen months. Maricruz: Yeah, wll Hector says that if something goes wrong in there you could serve your full sentence. I can’t wait ten years. (Upset) I can’t wait ten years baby. Sucre: (Calmly) I’m gonna be out in sixteen months. That a promendo mi amora. Maricruz: Yeah, but what if something does happen. Baby I can’t wait that long. (Hector comes up behind her) I can’t. (She notices him) I’m sorry baby I gotta go. (She hangs up the phone) Sucre: Hello? Babe wait hello? (He slams the phone down) CUT TO: [EXT. CHICAGO-DAY] (sht pans over Chicago) CUT TO: [INT. BEN FORSYTHES OFFICE-DAY] (The sht goes to the title on the door. “Project Justice”. Veronica sits before two men, one being the man Lincoln recommended, Ben Forsythe.) Ben: Even if Leticia did turn up again her testimony would be worthless. Junkies with criminal records don’t shine on the stand. Veronica: Maybe, but I just found this out all in the past couple of days. I’m confident that I can find out a whole lot more now that I’m devoting all my time to the case. Nick: Secret Service agents came to visit you when Leticia was in your office. What did they want? Ben: Nick. Please. You gotta understand Ms. Donovan that, unless there’s new information that you can provide for us we already reviewed Mr. Burrow’s case thoroughly. Do you have any new evidence? Veronica: No, but I- Ben: But, that is effectively what you’re telling us, I need to clarify here. Veronica: Yes. That is what I’m telling you. But look Mr. Forsike you don’t need to point out what I don’t have. I’m well aware of that. I’m asking for your help because I don’t think an innocent man should be klled for something he didn’t do; and I believe that is what it says in your mission statement in the lobby. Ben: (Not unkindly) We get thousands of requests for representation. Veronica: (Quickly) I’m sure you do- Ben: (Cutting her off) And I have to decide which cases we’re going to devote our very limited resources to. Veronica: I will do all of the leg work, but since I don’t have any experience in death penalty cases I’m simply asking you to point me in the right direction. (They both just look at her) Please! (Quietly pleading) Ben: I’m sorry. We simply don’t have the manpower. (Veronica is stunned and disappointed. She wants to say something more, but decides against it. ) Veronica: Thank you for your time. CUT TO: [EXT. PORJECT JUSTICE BUILDING-DAY] (Veronica walks out to her car. The camera swings to a dark car parked across the road. Agent Hale watches her from the side mirror of his car then dials a number on his cell phone.) Hale: She’s just leaving now. It’s gonna take half an hour to get across town in this traffic. CUT TO: [INT. VERONICA’S HOUSE-DAY] (Kellerman is going through her things) Kellerman: (Into an earpiece) We’re not going to need nearly that much time. (He picks up a photo of Lincoln, Veronica and Michael in a ball cap at Veronica’s graduation from law school) I’ve turned up quite a bit already. CUT TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-NIGHT] (Haywire is carefully arranging his toiletries.) Haywire: Hey! Have you seen my toothpaste? It was right here. Michael: (Staring out the bars of the cell) Haven’t seen it. Haywire: I always put it in the same place. Michael: I’m sure it’ll turn up. (Haywire stares into the mirror, which is reflecting Michael’s frame) CUT TO: [INT. SUCRE’S CELL-NIGHT] (Camera closes in on Sucre’s face as he looks at that picture of Maricruz. He’s decided.) CUT BACK TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-NIGHT] (Michael is asleep facing the wall and Haywire is slowly ripping open parts of Michael’s shirt. Suddenly Michael wakes up and right’s himself so his feet are facing Haywire.) Haywire: Your tattoos. There’s a maze. Michael: (Fearful, but hiding it well) Get away from me. Haywire: I need to see them. You gotta show them to me. They’re pullin me in. (He keeps coming closer to Michael) Michael: (Pulling his feet into a defensive pose, close to his body) I said, get away from me. Haywire: Okay. (Backing up) He’s got a maze on his skin; he’s got a maze on his skin. He’s got a maze on his skin. (He gets up and moves to the cell door) Why would he do that? Why would he put a maze on his skin? (Michael looks down; he knows what he has to do) I don’t know, ow. (He sticks his finger into his mouth and Michael continues to watch him. sht moves through the tunnels of the prison to Commercial Set) OPEN TO: [EXT. FOX RIVER STATE PENITENTIARY-DAY] CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (Abruzzi is walking on the sidewalk and Michael hurries to catch up with him. He looks back at Haywire.) Michael: How are your contacts in chem. lockup? Abruzzi: Depends who’s asking? Michael: I need a bottle of drain line root control sooner than later. Abruzzi: You got weeds growin in your cell? (sht goes to Haywire walking, fidgeting with his notebook) Michael: Just one. CUT TO: [EXT. CHICAGO POLICE STATION-DAY] Police Officer: You’re the one who’s lookin for me? Veronica: Yeah. I wanted to ask you a few questions about the Lincoln Burrows case. Police Officer: Yeah? Veronica: I’m Veronica Donovan. (Extending her hand) I’m representing Lincoln on his appeal. Police Officer: What about it? (He starts walking, she hurries to catch up with him) Veronica: You were the first one to respond to Lincoln’s apartment the night of the mrder right? Police Officer: That’s right. Veronica: Look, I’d really appreciate it if you could just tell me exactly what you saw. Police Officer: (He stops) Dispatch called in a tip that Lincoln Burrows was seen running from the garage where they found Terry Steadman. So we went over to Burrow’s place. WHITE FLASH TO: [FLASHBACK- INT. LINCOLN’S APARTMENT-NIGHT] (V.O) We spread out, I took the bathroom and that’s where I saw your client washing off the bloody pants. (In flashback the Police Officer points a gn at the defenseless Lincoln) WHITE FLASH BACK TO: [PRESENT DAY- EXT. CHICAGO POLICE STATION-DAY] I don’t need to tell you it was Steadman’s blood do I? Veronica: In the report that you typed up that night you said that you saw Lincoln standing in the bathroom, that’s all. But you testified that you saw him washing the pants, now which one is it? Police Officer: Does it matter? Veronica: Did you actually see him washing the pants or not? Police Officer: Yes. He stood up, turned around. His hands were all wet and looking guilty as hell. Veronica: Your testimony factored into his conviction, you know that right? Police Officer: (Pissed off) Huh. You know what Lady; you got any other questions just go through the department. (She watches him walk off, thinking about the conversation. She begins to walk to her car. When she reaches it she goes to open the driver’s door.) Nick: Ms. Donovan? (She turns and he puts his hands up) I…I didn’t mean to scare you. Veronica: What are you doin here? Nick: Nick Savrin, I’m with Project Justice. Veronica: (Impatient, they flipped her off before) I know who you are, but what are you doin here? Nick: (Getting closer) Hey look. My boss may not think Lincoln’s case is worth looking into but I do. CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (There is a sht of Haywire writing furiously into his notepad. The camera pulls forward to reveal him staring at Michael, who turns when Abruzzi sits down. Abruzzi shows Michael the Drain Line, then pulls it away to reveal a shank) Abruzzi: There’s a quicker way to take care of it. (He holds out the Knfe) Michael: There’s smarter ways too. (He takes the chemical and gets up) CUT TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-NIGHT] (He uncoils an empty toothpaste tube. The sht shows the two chemicals.) WHITE FLASH TO: [FLASHBACK- INT. MICHAEL’S APARTMENT- NIGHT] (Michael does a lab test, adding the two chemicals together and creating a corrosive effect.) WHITE FLASH BACK TO: [PRESENT DAY- INT. MICHAEL’S CELL- NIGHT] (He separately pours the chemicals into toothpaste bottles and seals the lid. He holds the two bottles together) CUT TO: [EXT. CHICAGO RESTAURANT-DAY] (Veronica and Nick are having coffee.) Nick: What caught me was that most death penalty cases take ten years to exhaust all appeals. Lincoln got there in three. Veronica: So, for it to be expedited there must have been some sort of political influence right? Nick: Well, given that Terrence Steadman is the Vice President’s brother that’s not hard to believe. Veronica: How though? Did they get to every judge that rejected Lincoln’s appeal? Nick: Doesn’t take a judge. (He takes a sip) All it takes is a little special attention from one of the clerks. But how Lincoln got fast tracked doesn’t interest me, it’s why. He was set up and why? Veronica: I think the answer to that might be in the victim. What do we know? He was the CEO of Ecklefields right? That he was pushing alternative energy. Nick: Successfully pushing alternative energy. So oil companies, the Saudis, even our own government stood to benefit with out of the picture.(Pause) Why’d you wait until now to take up the case? Veronica: I thought he did it. Like everyone else. I just hope it’s not too late. Nick: It very well may be. (Leans back in his chair) You need to prepare yourself for that. (She doesn’t want to believe that) Veronica: What about you? Why death penalty work? Nick: My father did fifteen years for a crime he didn’t commit. I know first hand that when the government gets you in it’s crosshairs you don’t stand a chance. That’s why. Now do you want my help? CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON YARD-DAY] (Michael is entering with Haywire still staring at him. Haywire is drawing a pattern on his notepad. Sucre rushes over to Michael) Sucre: I want back in. Michael: Too late. Sucre: (Desperate) I’ll do anything you need. They’re diggin machines. You wanna go to China; I’ll get you to China fish. I’ll dig like a psychotic rodent if I have to fish. (He gets in front of Michael and physically stops him) I gotta be back in. Michael: As of right now, there is no in. (He looks over a Haywire, who is still frantically drawing) Van Gogh over there is my new cellmate. Sucre: (Barely giving him a glance) But you’re going to do something about it right. You’re going to get rid of him. Michael: (Evenly) I’ll do what’s necessary. Sucre: (Smiles and laughs, tightly hugging Michael) You my boy. (Michael smiles too) So how’re you gonna do it anyway? Michael: Let’s just put is this way. Someone’s gonna get hurt. (Sucre looks over at Haywire, who is still drawing) CUT TO: [EXT. COUNTRYSIDE-DAY] CUT TO: [INT. GARLIC CUTTER’S HOME-DAY] (The phone rings as the Garlic Cutter pulls out a large cutting Knfe and slices through a red bell pepper.) Garlic Cutter: How’d we miss this, guys? Kellerman: Scofield’s father was out of the picture by the time he was born, took his mother’s maiden name. Garlic Cutter: (Still chopping) Alright. Scofield had no priors and a full time job as an engineer. Kellerman: Correct. Garlic Cutter: Then he goes and robs a bank, discharging a gn in the process so that at sentencing he could maneuver his way to Fox River where his brother is scheduled to die in less than a month. Obviously something is up. Hale: All due respect, but brothers are incarcerated together all over the country. It may just be a coincidence. Garlic Cutter: Move on the younger brother. Do it preemptively, before anything rises up and bites everyone in the ass. CUT TO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-DAY] (Michael walks in to find Haywire arranging pictures all over Michael’s bed. Pictures of his tattoo.) Haywire: it’s a pathway. Where does it lead? (Lunging at him) Where are you taking me? (Michael shoves him off. Turns around, grabs the bars with his hands and begins to bash his forehead into them again and again) What are you, nuts? Michael: (Holding his bleeding head) Officer! I need an officer! Haywire: (As officer’s come running) No, no, no. CO: (Reaches the cell) What the hell’s the problem down here? (Sees Michael) Son of a bitch. Open up on 40. Haywire: (Pointing at Michael) He’s got a pathway on his body. It leads somewhere. CO: (Pointing his billy stick at Haywire) Back off Haywire. Haywire: Look! Look at his tattoos. There’s a pathway in there. CO: I said back off Haywire. You wanna hot sht? Haywire: (Lunging at Michael) I’m telling you. (The CO pepper sprays him and they apprehend him, dragging him out of the cell) It’s a pathway to hell. It’s a pathway to hell. He’s taking us to hell. (The CO exits too and Michael steps out of his cell, blood dripping down his face, the camera enters his eye and then goes through the tunnels of the prison to Commercial Set) FADE INTO: [INT. MICHAEL’S CELL-DAY] (Michael is sitting alone in his cell; reading. His cell door opens, Sucre is back. Bellick also enters) Bellick: So the gng’s all back together again. Well, ain’t that swell. (He gets close to Michael’s ear) Told you not to go around me to the Pope, but you just keep making waves don’t you? (Bellick leaves and Sucre enters) Sucre: I’m back man. Michael: It’s good to have you back. (Sucre goes to bump fists while Michael goes to shake hands. Their hands fumble around until they grab each other’s hands and embrace) Sucre: So when do we get started? (Michael smiles) CUT TO: [INT. INFIRMARY-DAY] (Dr. Tancredi can be seen through the window of the door. sht pulls back to show Michael watching. He then goes over to the grate in the corner of the room, snapping off the caps of the toothpaste bottles. He pours one in then the other. A hissing noise can be heard as the chemicals react together. He quickly sits down as Dr. Tancredi enters the room.) Dr. Tancredi: Good afternoon Mr. Scofield. Michael: Hello. Dr. Tancredi: How are you feeling today? Michael: (Rolling up his arm sleeve) Well, good. Dr. Tancredi: (Referring to the cut eyebrow) What happened? (Sits down) Michael: Uh, caught an elbow playin basketball. Dr. Tancredi: (Doesn’t believe it) Uhuh. (Putting on rubber gloves) Mind if I take a look? Michael: (Invitingly) By all means (She peels off the bandage and takes a look, obviously more than an elbow) Dr. Tancredi: You know, you’re going to get klled in here right? If you’re not careful. (Michael looks over at the grate) Michael: (Looking at her) I’ll make a bet that when I get out of here, alive, I’ll take you to dinner;… lunch…, a cup of coffee. Dr. Tancredi: Michael, this… (Looking at him) this charm act could be exactly what is getting you into trouble out in the yard. (He looks at her and then down. She doesn’t understand) Lean forward. (Properly chastised, he leans forward and she places a fresh bandage just above his eyebrow. The sht closes in on the grate, with the mixture bubbling.) CUT TO: [INT. OPEN VISITING AREA-DAY] (Nick and Veronica are with Lincoln, discussing the case) Nick: Alright, you went to the parking garage and Terence Steadman is already dad. (He has been pacing and strops and sits down.) Lincoln: That’s right. Nick: You said that you ran and took the gn. Lincoln: Dumped the gn. Nick: Where? Lincoln: Storm drains. (Looking at Veronica) Van Buren Wells. Veronica: Nobody ever found it. Nick: Alright. What do you do after that? You go back to your apartment. Lincoln: (Thinking back) Yeah. WHITE FLASH TO: [FLASHBACK- INT. LINCOLN’S APARTMENT-NIGHT] (V.O) I was freakin out, tryin to figure out what happened. Then I saw the bloody pants in the tub. WHITE FLASH BACK TO: [PRESENT DAY- INT. OPEN VISITING AREA-DAY] (sht goes back to Lincoln) Cops busted in a minute after I got there. Veronica: The pants, the ones with Steadman’s blood on them. First cop on the scene said he saw you washing them in the bathtub. Lincoln: He’s lying. My hands were wet after splashing water on my face. WHITE FLASH TO: [FLASHBACK- INT. LINCOLN’S APARTMENT-NIGHT] (Cops burst into Lincoln’s apartment) Police Officer: Lift up your hands. Hands up. WHITE FLASH: [PRESENT DAY- INT. OPEN VISITING AREA-DAY] Lincoln: I never touched those pants. Nick: Which brings us back to the gn; the one you said you dumped Lincoln: It was planted. That’s the only way it could have got there. Nick: Ballistics matched the bllet to- Lincoln: (Getting upset and cutting him off) The gn was planted. It was planted! Just like the pants. Nick: Your fingerprints were all over the gn. Lincoln: (Thinking, realizes) Beau. (Veronica looks at him and Nick looks at her.) Nick: Who’s Beau? Lincoln: He’s the guy who arranged everythin. WHITE FLASH TO: [FLASHBACK- INT. PARKING GARAGE-NIGHT] (V.O) He had me come around the night before to try out a few gn to see which one felt right. That must have been the set up right there. One of those must have been the mrder wapon. (In the flashback Lincoln points to the gn he wants to use) WHITE FLASH BACK TO: [PRESENT DAY- INT. OPEN VISITING AREA- DAY] (The sht goes back to Lincoln) And that’s how they got my fingerprint on the gn, had to be. Nick: Alright so this…this Beau coerces you into doing this all to clear a thousand dollar debt. Lincoln: He was going to kll my son. CUT TO: [EXT. PRISON EXIT-DAY] (Veronica and Nick are leaving) Veronica: Well… Nick: A lot of “I didn’t do it’s” and that doesn’t count for much. (He goes around to the driver’s side of their car) The surveillance tape, the one that shows Lincoln pulling the trigger, you’ve got it right? If he’s telling the truth then the tape is lying. I think we should take a look, decide for ourselves. CUT TO: [INT. MICHAEL/SUCRES CELL-NIGHT] (Sucre is checking for guards on either side with his little mirror) Sucre: (Whispers) You’re clear. (Michael gets up with the Allen and starts to unscrew the toilet bolts.) If the chemicals can eat through the iron pipes, how come they can’t eat through the tube? Michael: It’s only when the chemicals are combined that they become a corrosive. Sucre: You study chemistry or somthin? Michael: Not in school. (Sucre goes and checks the door again) Sucre: But what you’re doing up there in the infirmary. What does that gotta do with what we’re doing in here? Michael: Getting through this wall is just the beginning. There’s a whole lot of real estate in between here and the outside. The infirmary is the closest building to those walls. (He is finally able to maneuver the toilet out of the way) And the weakest link in the security chain. Sucre: Cool! Michael: (Puts a piece of paper through an edge in the concrete) I think I’ve gotten through enough grout to bust through. (He looks at Sucre) I’m gonna need you to make some noise. (Sucre smiles and moves to the door. He starts singing a Spanish song. Michael looks at him; this was not what he had in mind) Michael: (Cutting him off) Is that the best you can do? Sucre: (Smiling) Have some faith Papi. Have some faith. (He starts singing again and sure enough the angry shouts begin to emerge. Michael smiles and turns back to the concrete. He starts kicking the piece that has been filed out with his good foot. The buzzer sounds as someone enters the ward.) CUT TO: [INT. LINCOLN’S CELL-NIGHT] (Lincoln hears the noise and wakes up. He sits up, knowing what’s going on.) CUT TO: [INT. PRISON BLOCK-NIGHT] (Sucre’s singing is really starting to get into the realm of shouting and Michael finally breaks through. Sucre shuts up as Bellick enters on the lower floor.) Bellick: Not one more word. Next inmate that opens his mouth goes into the hole. (He leaves. Sucre checks the door again) Sucre: We’re good. (Michael slowly gets up onto his knees and climbs through the small opening. He looks around and it’s a passageway) CUT TO: [EXT. AGENT HALE’S HOUSE] (His family is sitting at the table. Hale seems distracted.) Wife: You okay? Hale: Work. It’s fine. (He fiddles with his fork as the doorbell sounds) I got it. (He jumps up and goes to the door where Kellerman is standing on the porch.) Everything alright? Kellerman: Couldn’t be better. Hale: You wanna come in. we’re just sitting down to eat. Kellerman: No. I just wanted to tell you in person. (Hale looks back inside and then steps out onto the porch, closing the door) Problem solved. Hale: What’s this? Kellerman: It’s a transfer request. Michael is getting shipped out…tomorrow. (Kellerman smiles and Hale smiles dutifully back) Have a good night. (Hale’s smile turns into a frown as Kellerman’s back turns. He goes back inside. The camera sht goes through the tunnels and.) CUT TO BLACK.	{"type": "series", "show": "Prison Break", "episode": "01x04 - Cute Poison"}	foreverdreaming
[In the tattoo parlor where Michael's plan first took shape, Sid the tattoo artist finishes filling in three boldly lettered words on Michael's arm. They read ‘English, Fitz, Percy.'] [Cut through a patch on Michael's tattoo shaped as a window through a vent in Henry Pope's office. In the present Pope sits at his desk before two unexpected visitors, Agents Kellerman and Hale.] Pope: I'm assuming this is about your transfer request for Michael Scofield? Kellerman: More specifically why you denied it. Pope: Look, Mr Kellerman, do I come into your house and tell you where to put your furniture? Hale: We're just asking for professional courtesy. Pope: What you're asking for is federal courtesy in a state penitentiary. Kellerman: Well, most people in your position would be happy to have another body taken off their hands. Pope: These men are my responsibility. From the minute they walk through those walls to the time that they've paid their debt to society I'm responsible for them. Which means that unless Mr Scofield has done something I don't know about, he is going to stay here at Fox River under my watch. Kellerman: Mr Pope, in our line of work, we've discovered that just about everyone has done something someone doesn't know about. [Kellerman slips Pope a file labeled 'Toledo - Pope, Henry.' ] Pope: What's this? Kellerman: For now, just a piece of history. Whether it becomes a current event, now, that's up to you. Pope: My wife already knows about Toledo. Kellerman: Does she really? [Pope's face goes grim as he opens the file. Inside is a black and white photo of a young man laying on a blood soaked pavement. ] Kellerman: You're a smart man, Warden, I'm sure if you look hard enough, you can find a reason why Michael Scofield's presence is no longer required at this particular correctional facility. [Cut to the yard. Michael works on PI, hunched over a large tube of PVC piping.] Michael: We need some more PVC here, Boss. [CO Stolte looks over to the PI shed and nods his permission. Moments later Lincoln breaks a shovel. He turns to Stolte] Lincoln: Boss? Stolte: Sure thing Burrows. But hey, I want to check your trunk for splinters. I want every piece accounted for. Lincoln: Sure. [He walks toward the shed. Abruzzi walks out of the work shed] Abruzzi: I got a ripped fertilizer bag inside. Hey you. [he points at Sucre.] You! Get in there and clean it up before this whole place starts smelling like San Juan. [Sucre mutters angrily in Spanish as he walks toward the shed. Now gathered in the privacy of the shed the four men eye one another.] Abruzzi: Hey, he's on his way, you mind telling us what this is all about? [Sucre enters] Michael: These are the guys we're breaking out with. Abruzzi: I don't think so Fish. That was not our agreement. I'm not gonna work with this crazy rhino. Lincoln: You keep pushing it John. Abruzzi: Yeah, I keep pushing it, you know. Huh, what's your deal man? [Lincoln gets in Abruzzi's face.] Lincoln: Touch my brother again and I'll show you. Abruzzi: Brother? Your brother? [Abruzzi looks from Lincoln to Michael, realizing for the first time that the two are brothers.] Michael: We've only got a few minutes. Are we going to spend them spitting on each other, or are we going to talk some business? Because the reason we're all here today is we have a decision to make. Abruzzi: Yeah? Michael: English, Fitz or Percy. If we're going to pull this off, we're going to need to take one of them out. Abruzzi: And you want us to tell you which one? Michael: I just want you to help me get to them. I'll take it from there. Sucre: You're crazy. You know that? Michael: All I need is five minutes. Abruzzi: Oh, you won't even get five seconds. Sucre: I thought you had everything worked out, Fish. Michael: We're not breaking out of a Jamba Juice, gentlemen. It's going to take a little more than digging a few holes. There are eyes, ears, dots that couldn't be connected from the outside. Lincoln: And English, Fitz and Percy? Michael: One of those dots. Abruzzi: And how exactly are you supposed to pull this off? Michael: With a little help from my friends. [Cut to cell block. As Michael and Sucre walk back to their cells, a CO escorts Michael in, but pulls Sucre to the side.] Stolte: Sucre hold up, Scofield, you've got company. [Michael enters to find Pope sitting and waiting.] Pope: Why do I get the feeling that there's more to you than meets the eye, Scofield? [Michael doesn't answer, his attention focused on beads of water that drip from the toilet right near Pope.] Pope: Anything you want to tell me? Some other reason you're in here, besides holding up a bank? [Pope stands up.] Pope: You're being transfered. Michael: What? Pope: We're moving you over to Statesville. Michael: You can't do that! Pope: Yes I can. I'm the boss here. This is my house. [Michael looks concerned and slightly panicked.] Michael: Three weeks. Pope: What for? Michael: Lincoln Burrows. He's being excuted in three weeks. Pope: Well I'm aware of that, what's that to you? Michael: He's my brother. When I knew that I was being sent to prison, my attorney petitioned the DOC. Pope: So you could be near him. Michael: That's right. Don't take that away from me. Not until it's over. Pope: I'm not the one behind the transfer. You're up against much bigger fish than me. I'll arrange for you to say goodbye. You ship out tomorrow. [Theme] [Cut to Pope's office. Alone in his office, Pope studies the folder that's labeled Toledo. He flips through the contents stopping at an article with a headline that reads 'Youth Found dad.' Pope closes the file and reaches inside his desk drawer and pulls out a Bible.] [Cut to Lincoln and Michael at the chapel.] Michael: I'm going into the walls tonight, see if I can access the roof. Lincoln: You going to tell me about the transfer? Michael: I'm taking care of it. Lincoln: You're taking care of it. Sounds to me like you're reaching. Michael: Maybe, a little. Lincoln: 'A little.' You know, I'd made my peace with what was coming, and then you show up and give me the one thing a man in my situation shouldn't have: Hope. And now that's going to be taken away. Michael: Don't do this Linc. Lincoln: I've got three weeks. What do you want me to do? [FLASHBACK] [Michael and Lincoln as kids standing by the river.] Young Lincoln: Come on Michael, what do you want me to do? Young Michael: Bring her back. Young Lincoln: You know I can't do that, but look, there's some stuff that I can do. It's not gonna be the same, but we're gonna figure it out. And no matter what, it's still going to be me and you. Young Michael: Okay, but what if something happens to you? Young Lincoln: You just have a little faith. [END FLASHBACK] Michael: Just have a little faith. [Cut to Veronica and Nick analyzing the video tape of the night of Terrance Steadman's mrder.] Nick: Alright, here's the deal. If we believe Lincoln, this tape is a lie. It has to be. Veronica: But you saw it, it's all there. Nick: Yeah, but what if what we're looking for is what's not there. [Veronica looks confused.] Nick: Okay. Steadman. You see? What's he looking at? Veronica: A car, a pedestrian? Nick: No no no, his eye-line is too high, right? It's like he's looking right into the camera. He might as well be saying cheese. Veronica: Now he just sits there. Nick: Like, ten, fifteen seconds as if he was maybe... Veronica: Waiting for someone! Nick: Right. [They watch the footage of Lincoln 'pulling the trigger'] Nick: There. That's a nine millimeter. Shouldn't there be some sort of kick or something? Veronica: Lincoln's pretty strong. Nick: Yeah, but strong enough to bury a recoil? Now, you sht someone, supposedly for revenge, do you take the time to go back in and ht the glove box or do you just get the hell out of there? Veronica: Feds said that he was trying to make it look like a robbery. Nick: No. [He rewinds the tape] Nick: Look. Look at Lincoln's angle as he leaves the frame. Veronica: Mhmm. Nick: Walks away from the car. [He waits for the man to come back into the sht.] Nick: Now this guy, who conveniently hides his face from the camera, he comes back in. Why? Veronica: To explain the bloody pants they'd already planted in his apartment, Nick this is great! Nick: Yeah. Veronica: Who should we go to? Nick: Nobody. Yet. I mean, to the unbiased eye we're just backing a horse that died in the gate. A lot of 'what if's' and conjecture. You know, we don't have anything. We need some evidence. Look, if Lincoln didn't fre this gn, then someone with some serious skills went to work on this tape to prove that he did. Veronica: Fine, but how do we prove that? Nick: I know a guy. Veronica: You know a guy. Nick: Yeah, I know a guy. [Cut to Fox River cafeteria. Rumor of Michael's impending transfer is spreading. Abruzzi comes up to him as he exits the lunch line] Abruzzi: Seems we need to have another pow-wow. There's been talk about you packing your bags. Michael: Don't believe everything you hear. I'm not going anywhere. Abruzzi: You know, I have a really hard time trusting you, Fish. Michael: The important thing is that we stay on schedule. Abruzzi: Yeah? English, Fitz or Percy? Michael: English, Fitz, or Percy. Abruzzi: You wanna know which one I think we should take out? Michael: With all due respect, I don't need opinions, I need answers. Remember, the Warden leaves at five tonight, so by five after five, we're going to need that key. Abruzzi: And how is this key going to give you the answers? Michael: I'll worry about that. You worry about getting the key. Abruzzi: [shoving Michael slightly] Hey. This key better be worth it. Understand? [Michael walks away, to sit next to Westmoreland] Westmoreland: Afternoon Mr Scofield. Michael: I need to know if there's anyway to block a transfer order. Westmoreland: [laughing a little] There's about fifty ways. Michael: Alright, I'll take the quickest. Westmoreland: You file a motion for what they call an interlocutory injunction. Michael: How long does that take? Westmoreland: How fast can you write? An man can claim just about anything violates his constitutional rights. There's environmental issues, allergies, religious requirements, take your pick. Michael: What if they don't buy it? Westmoreland: Don't matter. Court's required by law to hear your motion. Until they do, you can't be transferred. Hell, they've been trying to move my tired grey behind for ten years. God bless the American legal system! Michael: Why do you want to stay in here so badly? Westmoreland: There's someone here I can't bear to leave behind. I guess that means we've got something in common. [Cut to outside the infirmary. Sara and Nurse Katie walk along a path.] Sara: The state's requiring a physical for Lincoln Burrows. Katie: You heard the news didn't you? Sara: [Turning to the guard] Thanks. [She turns back to Katie] No, what? Katie: They're brothers? Sara: Who? Katie: Burrows and Scofield. Sara: [Pausing in surprise] Michael Scofield? Katie: [Nodding] Heard it from one of the CO's over in Gen Pop. He didn't say anything to you about it? Sara: No. Katie: Well, must be hard to be here so close to your brother and not be able to do anything to help him. [Sara looks thoughtful. Cut to Pope's office. Bellick walks in and hands Pope a hand written motion.] Pope: What's this? Bellick: A little bathroom reading. Pope: Westmoreland again? Bellick: [shaking his head a little and smiling] Scofield. He's blocking his transfer. [Pope looks down at the motion. Cut to Michael and Sucre's cell.] Michael: Even if the motion is denied, it'll take thirty days to process and that means... [Sucre makes a disappearing symbol with his hands and laughs before bumping fists with Michael] Michael: [Looking at his watch] Alright, I'm going in. I'm going to need your help. Sucre: [Looking concerned.] You mean in, in? Now? I thought you were waiting till- Michael: I need to make sure I know how I'm getting up there. So when the time comes- Sucre: Yo, yo, yo. In case you hadn't noticed, the lights are all on. You've got a full studio audience Fish, how are you going to get around that? Michael: Don't we have some laundry to do? [Sucre stands over the sink and wrings out a shirt that he's washed. He hangs shirts on a makeshift laundry line that spans the width of the cell. The clothes, dangling off the line, obscure the back wall of the cell from any potential onlookers. Michael, safely concealed, disassembles the toilet.] Sucre: Just to be clear, I ain't touching your drawers. [Cut to the path leading to the yard. Abruzzi walks in a line of inmates to the yard. He turns and gives a signal nod to another inmate.] Abruzzi: Him. [The inmate moves over to a CO overseeing the lineup and punches him in the face. A pile of inmates and CO's flail about on the ground. Abruzzi stands by and sees the fallen inmate has snagged a pair of guard keys and is pressing the keys into a bar of soap. A gn comes down from a guard in a tower and Abruzzi ducks to the ground. Nearby is the piece of soap, the imprint of a key is on one side.] [Cut to Michael and Sucre's cell. Michael pulls the toilet away from the wall and climbs through into a narrow but extensive service corridor. Metal catwalks and pipes sprawl in all directions. Michael gets his bearings by locating several ducts around him and then lifts up his shirt and compares them to a section of tattoo on his right abdomen. He traces a path with his finger and starts the timer on his watch. He walks a few steps and then pushes his way up to the catwalk above him. [Back at the cell, Sucre's starting to worry. He turns to the hole] Sucre: Fish! I can't deal with this. [Cut back to Michael. Michael walks along a catwalk. He walks a few steps and then pushes his way up to the catwalk above him, checking his tattoo occasionally. He keeps climbing until he sees the roof access. Suddenly the door at the end of the hallway opens and a matinence man enters only a few feet away from Michael.] [Cut back to Sucre. Sucre checks the paths outside the cell for guards.] Sucre: Fish... Come on... [Cut back to Michael. The maintenance man stops to take a smoke break. Above him, spread out from wall to wall and clinging to the pipes is Michael, face down. ] [Cut back to Sucre. He sticks his head in the hole near the toilet, hoping that Michael can hear him.] Sucre: Yo Fish! Fish! You're taking too long, Bro! [Cut back to Michael. His muscles tremble from the exertion of holding himself up. He sweats heavily, and a single drop makes its way down from his nose. The sweat drips from his nose and narrowly misses the man's boot. Having finished his cigarette, the maintenance man stubs it out on a pipe and turns and leaves.] [Cut back to the cell. Michael puts the toilet back together.] Sucre: This ain't gonna fly, man. The Ricans? We got genetically higher blood pressure, you know that? My cousin, he died from too much stress. Michael: Thought you said your cousin was moving in on your girl. Sucre: That's my other cousin, but thanks for bringing that up, jackass. Michael: Look, the good news is, I can get to the roof. Sucre: So what happens now? Michael: Now, it's all about timing. [Cut to the outside of Abruzzi's cell. Abruzzi checks his watch. 3.50pm. His cellmate, Gus, expertly melts a plastic toothbrush with a book of matches guiding the liquid plastic into the key mould imprinted on the bar of soap.] [Cut to a crowded office full of computer monitors and varying technology. Veronica and Nick consult with the video analyser, Chas Fank.] Chas: This is a top dollar job. Do you know who did it? Nick: No, do you? Chas: People who do this kind of work are ghosts, man. The guy behind the guy behind the guy, you know what I mean? Veronica: You see anything? Definitive cuts? Any place that proves the tape might have been doctored? Chas: The thing's clean, no footprints. I mean, usually you peel the video back a couple of layers, anything bogus comes off. You know, now you see it, now you don't. But not this one. It's laced. Ingrained! [Chas plays the tape again. Something catches his interest and he replays the audio track.] Chas: Woah woah woah. Nick: You see something? Chas: No. The problem with your eyes, is that they play tricks on you. But your ears, ears don't lie. Look, here's the audio track from the tape. [He focuses on the sound of the gn. As soon as it's fired, the sound waves immediately die.] Chas: Sound pretty true, right? Nick: Yeah. Chas: But noise is alive. See, it doesn't just die like that. Stripped down, those levels should be dancing, I mean a room that size would give you a blam, blam, blam, blam, you know? One off each wall, split second after the other. On yours, the reverb's bouncing at the same time. Veronica: What does that mean? Chas: The sound of the gn. It wasn't recorded in that room. [Veronica grows excited.] Veronica: Would you testify to that? Chas: Oh, uh, I don't know. I mean, the tape you gave me is a dupe you know. For all I know, you guys tampered with it. Look, if you want me to testify in court, I'm going to have to get my hands on the original. [Cut to Pope's office. Michael huddles over the model of the Taj Mahal.] Pope: How are those allergies? Michael: Excuse me. Pope: In your motion you sighted chronic um- Michael: Sinusitis. Pope: Mmm. Michael: It's not an allergy actually. It's an uh, bacterial infection. Pope: Hmm. Michael: The moist air from the river along the east wall helps keeps me, you know [he sniffs] clear. Pope: [smiling] I'm impressed. Not even a week in here and you're already working it like an old con. Michael: Well, you've got one up on me Warden. You know why I needed to file those motions, but I have no idea why you needed to transfer me. Pope: Traffic control Scofield, that's all. Traffic control. Look, it's coming up on five o'clock. What do you say we call it a day? Michael: [sighing] I don't think I can do that, Sir. Pope: Why not? Michael: If I let go of this support right now, the whole thing's coming down. See, the Taj was designed using axial force. A series of internal forces along the longitudinal axis. Pope: Ah, how much longer? Michael: Depends on how long it takes to dry. If you need me to leave, I can show your secretary how to hold it. Pope: Alright, you can stay till it dries, there'll be a guard outside the door. Just check in with Becky when you're done and she'll have somebody escort you back to your cell. Michael: Alright. Pope: And uh, Scofield? I want to thank you for showing up today. I would have understood it if you didn't. Michael: We had a deal. Pope: Right. Still, thanks. My wife is going to love it. Michael: You're welcome. [After Pope leaves, Michael releases hold on the support structure. It doesn't collapse at all. Michael moves to the door where he listens to make sure the coast is clear. Pope is gone, but CO Paterson remains behind, flirting with Becky.] Paterson: We just happen to be two people who happen to know each other, who happen to show up at the same movie theatre at what happens to be the same time! [Becky laughs] [Michael smiles then moves to the rear door of Pope's office. It's still locked. He looks at the clock. 4.55pm. Abruzzi walks down a corridor, pushing a janitorial trolley with mops and brooms hanging from the side.] [Pope arrives home and walks into the kitchen to find Judy pouring some iced tea.] Pope: You know from this angle, you look just as good as you did when we first met. Judy: [turning] How about from this one? Pope: Even better. [They kiss and hug. Pope goes to grab a glass.] Pope: Oh! Judy: Uh uh! Those are for your guests! Pope: Guests? Judy: Your associates? They said you had a meeting. They're in the den. [An apprehensive Pope walks into the den. Hale and Kellerman are waiting.] Kellerman: Evening, Warden. [They stand.] [Cut to Pope's office. The clock on the wall reads five past five pm. Michael hears the sound of a key unlocking the rear door as Abruzzi turns a key in the lock. He quietly opens the door with a smile, removes the plastic key, and joins a line of inmates walking as they file through the hall outside Pope's door.] [Cut to Pope's den, where he confronts Hale and Kellerman.] Pope: There's nothing I can do. I'm legally obligated to file every properly drafted motion with the court so that a hearing can be scheduled. Hale: And how long does that take? Pope: A month, maybe two if there's a log jam. I'm sorry, but it's out of my hands. Hale: Why do I get the feeling you're not all that disappointed. Kellerman: May I ask you a question, Warden? [Pope nods his approval] Kellerman: More of an observation, really. I was looking at the morgue photos from that boy, back at Toledo, Will Clayton. And, my lord, if he wasn't the spitting image of his daddy. Apple fell real far from the tree with that one, didn't it? Fell off the tree, fell all over the pavement. Pope: You son of a bitch. Kellerman: Your wife gave you a pass on the affair. But, something tells me that's pretty much all the forgiveness she's got left in her bag. Hale: Especially when it comes to an illegitimate child. Kellerman: What happened with young Will, Warden? Pope: [standing up angrily] Get out of my house. Kellerman: Lose Scofield's paperwork. [Judy walks into the room.] Judy: You gentlemen staying for dinner? Hale: Thanks, but I think we're on our way. Kellerman: Judy, it was a real pleasure. Thank you. And that just may have been the best iced tea I've ever had. [He laughs] Warden! Better do everything you can to hold onto this one. Pope: I will. Kellerman: Good. [Kellerman and Hale leave.] Judy: Is everything alright? Pope: Oh yeah. I just have a little unfinished work to take care of. I'll be right in. Judy: [Nodding, slightly concerned.] Okay. [Pope enters his personal study, and shreds Michael's motion to deny transfer.] [Back at Fox River, in Lincoln's cell, a guard fastens Lincoln's shackles and gives Sara the all clear to enter.] Sara: Evening, Lincoln. Lincoln: Doctor. Sara: I'm uh, supposed to give you a physical this evening. Let me apologize in advance for the heavy dose of irony you are about to participate in. Lincoln: That's alright, just doing your job. Sara: Yeah well, letting the state know that you're healthy enough to execute was not why I went to medical school. So I apologize. Lincoln: That's okay. [She checks his blood pressure and stands up.] Sara: Alright. I'm uh, going to need a family medical history from you. Any ailments or conditions that are hereditary. Start with your mom. Lincoln: Uh, cancer. Liver. Sara: Okay, father? Lincoln: Um, split when I was young. Sara: Siblings. [Lincoln shakes his head, denying that he has any.] Anyone besides Michael? [Lincoln looks up in surprise.] Sara: Fox River's a small town, Lincoln. People around here don't have a whole lot to do besides time and talk. [There's a pause] You close? Lincoln: We were. Sara: How about now? Lincoln: [lost in the memory of the two by the lake doesn't hear her] Huh? Sara: How about now? Lincoln: He's been abandoned his whole life. Dad, Mom, she died young, and now me. Sara: Do you think that's why he's here? Because your death would feel like it's happening again? [Lincoln looks at her, confused at why she's so interested. The sht changes to Pope's study and a close up of a picture of a young boy as Lincoln speaks. ] Lincoln: [voice over?] I abandoned him a long time ago. That's why he's here. [Pans up to Pope's face. He flips through pictures of Will in the Toledo file. First his elementary pictures and then the police photos of his body sprawled on the pavement. Pope's eyes well up with tears.] [Cut to cell block. Michael walks to his cell and checks his watch. 5.44pm. He enters his cell and the doors close behind him.] Michael: It's time. Sucre: Time? Oh God, here we go again. Count's in fifteen minutes. What are you doing? Michael: Trust me, the less you know, the better. Sucre: The less I know? Man, you've got me in the dark! Michael: That's exactly where you want to be. [Cut to Pope in the prison chapel. He's praying. The reverend, Ben, enters.] Ben: Don't normally find you here at this hour. [Pope looks up.] Ben: Are you seeking his forgiveness or advice? Pope: [laughing slightly] I really don't know anymore, Ben. All I know is my son Will was my responsibility, and if I'd stayed in his life I could have saved his life. Ben: His death was an accident, Henry. Pope: [nodding] He was a criminal, and an addict, but he was only eighteen years old. Ben: His mother made it clear that you couldn't be in his life if you weren't going to be in hers. When you chose to stay with Judy, you understood that. Pope: I not only understood it, I was grateful for it. I told myself that I was respecting her wishes. I cursed her under my breath while every day I thanked God for allowing me to wash my hands of her, of Toledo. All of it, I... So I ran home, to Judy, and buried the secret. But I never got a chance to... to bury... my son. [His voice chokes with tears. He leans closer to Ben] What kind of a person does that, Ben? Sacrifices somebody else's life just to make their own life easier? [Cut to an office, Veronica and Nick stand at the front desk of a records office, facing a clerk.] Clerk: You can argue with me all night, believe me, I haven't got anything better to do. But it won't change the fact that I can't just hand out original copies of evidence! [Nick pulls out a folder] Nick: If you could just take a look... Clerk: I don't care if your FOIL was signed by the attorney general, I can't give it to you! Veronica: What if we brought somebody here to watch it? Your supervisor could monitor them the entire time. He'd strip down, swear on a stack of Bibles, whatever it takes. Clerk: Wait, what did you say the docket number was? Veronica: It's uh, 296 SPE. [The clerk sighs] Nick: What's wrong? Clerk: Come with me. [They follow her to a small back room. The shelves and floor of the archive room are littered with soaked files, destroyed boxes and ruined papers.] Clerk: Last night a pipe burst upstairs. Flooded the place. Files from over a hundred cases, pretty much lost all of them. Including yours. Veronica: Just this room? Clerk: [shrugging] Some kind of freak accident. [Veronica looks skeptically at Nick and then at a clock. Nearly 6.00] [Cut back to Fox River. Sucre checks his watch and the doors slide open for count. Michael is not in the cell.] Guard: Count them! [He works his way along the cells.] Bellick: Callahan, Knight. Malinowski, Pohlen. [Cut to the service space. Michael makes his way up toward the roof. He moves quickly up the side of the roof and slips, landing on a vent and barely avoiding a roaming search light. He checks his watch. 6pm. Count has started.] [Cut back to cell block where Bellick is still listing off names.] Bellick: Chance, Graziano. [The inmates step out of their cells and he checks them off on his list.] Scofield, Sucre. [Reluctantly, Sucre steps out. Bellick looks around at the cell then repeats himself] Scofield. [He pulls out a nightstick] Get the hell out here! [He pokes around the empty cell and hits Michael's bunk with his stick. He then steps out to face Sucre. Sucre looks at him anxiously and Bellick pulls out a whistle.] Bellick: We got a runner! [he blasts the whistle] [Cut back to Michael on the roof. Alarms sound and floodlights lining the yard come to life. Michael looks up in surprise. The lights fill the chapel and Pope looks up. They also reach Lincoln's cell and he tries to look out his window. Dogs and guards fill the yard below Michael. Back at the cell block, guards swarm the cell block announcing a lock down. Bellick closes his nightstick by Sucre's face.] Bellick: Alright, for the last time Piñata, where the hell's Scofield? He's gone, you're gone, you hear me? [CO Paterson comes over the radio] Paterson: Call it off Captain, I got Scofield right here. Bellick: Where? Paterson: In the Warden's office. Bellick: You looking at him? [Cuts to the Secretary's office where Paterson gives Becky a smile.] Bellick: Stop trying to nail the secretary and check the damn office. [Becky looks embarrassed but smiles a little. Paterson checks the office and finds the room empty] Paterson: [radioing back] Captain? He's gone. [Bellick gives Sucre a look and Sucre gives him an equally confused look in return.] [Cut to Michael on the roof of the prison watching the action unfold. Police squad cars race towards the prison. He checks his watch. A line of cars race down English Street. He turns to look at Percy Avenue to see another line of cars coming. When he turns to Fitz Street, he sees that it's empty, and he smiles.] [Cut to Pope's office. Pope rushes back to his office.] Pope: [talking to Bellick] A man can't just vanish, deputy. Bellick: I know sir. Pope: [turning to Becky] He never checked out with you? Becky: No, Pope: And the rear door? Paterson: Still locked sir, I checked. Pope: How the hell did he- [he swings his office door open. Michael's head appears from behind the model of the Taj Mahal] Michael: What's going on? Bellick: [Rushing toward him and throwing him against the wall with his hand around his throat] You're in the Warden's office after hours. I could kll you. And the paperwork wouldn't need much more than a date. Tell me, what were you doing in here? [Michael makes choking noises.] Pope: Alright deputy, that's enough. [Bellick moves away, Michael looks angrily at the CO.] Michael: The work wasn't dry, you said to stay until it was. Pope: You were in here the whole time? Michael: Yes sir. Becky: It's true, I never saw him leave. Paterson: I must not have seen him behind the table. Bellick: Warden, with all due respect, this is ridiculous. This prisoner was out of his cell. He missed the count. Pope: I understand deputy. The thing is, Mr Scofield is not our problem any more. It seems there was an error in his paperwork. He's going to be transfered after all. Michael: That's not possible. Pope: Escort the prisoner back to his cell. [Bellick forces Michael's arms behind his back.] Michael: Warden, all I need is three weeks. [He pulls against Paterson and Bellick at his sides] Get off me! Paterson: Come on, now. Michael: Henry, please, I just need a little time. Just give me the time. [Michael is dragged out of the office.] [Cut to Nick and Veronica walking to Veronica's apartment.] Nick: Any chance you want to write this off as a coincidence? [Veronica just looks at him in response] Me neither. Veronica: How could they have known we were coming for the tape? Three hours ago we didn't even know. Nick: Well, we're pissing someone off. Veronica: You say that like it's a good thing. Nick: People start breaking the law you know you're getting warm. Veronica: We still have our copy of the tape, so maybe- [They reach Veronica's apartment and see the door's open. Nick enters slowly.] Veronica: Nick? Nick: Stay here. [he holds up his hand. Despite his warning, Veronica follows and has a look around.] Nick: Whoever it was is gone. Does it look like they got anything? Veronica: No. [She puts her briefcase down and looks around her.] Everything's exactly the way I left it... [She trails off, noticing something. A cupboard is open in the kitchen. She runs toward it.] Nick: What, what?? [Veronica doesn't answer and pulls linen out of the cupboard.] Nick: What? Veronica: The tape. It's gone! Nick: Are you sure? Veronica: How could they know? Nick: Let's think this through. Veronica: How could they know exactly where to look? Nick: Wait, does anyone else have a key to this place? Veronica: No. Nick: You sure this is where you put it? Veronica: You were here, remember? I was talking to you, I walked toward the cabinet, and I... said... [she trails off.] Nick: What? Veronica? Are you okay? Veronica? [She looks down, hurt.] [Cut to Fox River. Next day. The cell doors open for the inmates to leave for breakfast. Bellick swaggers up to Michael and Sucre's cell.] Bellick: Breakfast gentlemen, let's move it! Sucre, let's go. Scofield, wait here. I'm sure your ride will be along any minute now. [Michael doesn't reply, looking, defeated, at the wall. Sucre hops off his bunk.] Sucre: This can't be it. It can't end like this. Bellick: Let's move it! [He walks past] Michael: Fitz. Sucre: What? Michael: We were going to take Fitz out. It was as clear as day. Sucre: And the cops? How long did it take for them to respond? You got all the timing down? [Michael just looks at him] Think we would have made it? [Again, Michael doesn't respond. Bellick walks up again.] Bellick: Sucre, now. [Sucre leaves the cell followed closely by Bellick.] [Michael grabs the allen screw. Music begins: Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch. He stands up and slips it under Sucre's pillow and places an origami swan on top of the pillow. He leans against the wall] [Some time later, Bellick walks him along the tier to the outside. Heavily shackled, Michael walks down an outside corridor. Sara watches from the infirmary as he passes. They then take a long walk past the yard, as Westmoreland approaches, holding Marilyn. Abruzzi approaches the fence.] Abruzzi: Hey fish face! Where ya going? [Michael doesn't answer, but keeps walking, escorted by Bellick. Sucre hangs off the fence watching, as Abruzzi walks past to his cellmate, Gus.] Abruzzi: Call my wife. Tell her to get the kids and get the hell out of the country. [Michael continues down the path, and stops as he sees Lincoln. The two exchange a look, and Lincoln stands for his brother. Bellick forces him on but Michael looks back.] Michael: I'm sorry. [Pope watches from his office and sits back in his chair as Michael shuffles out of the prison and out of his life. Bellick hands Michael over to another CO who will escort Michael to the bus. They approach the gates.] Bellick: Don't forget to buckle up. [He hands Michael and a his files to the CO. Pope appears by the port.] Pope: What's this prisoner doing out of his cell? CO: He's being transferred. Pope: No, no, no, there must be some kind of a mistake. This man filed a motion yesterday. He has a medical condition that precludes transfer. Sinusitis right? Michael: [confused] Sinusitis. Pope: Take the prisoner back to his cell. But yank his rec time. He missed count last night. [He gives Michael a slightly stern look before they both turn to look beyond the gates. Hale and Kellerman wait in their car. Michael leaves, and Pope gives the agents a standoffish look.] [Cut to Pope's house. He drives up the driveway to find Judy waiting for him on the porch. He walks up to her.] Judy: Hey! You're home early, everything okay? Pope: Yeah! Yeah it is, uh, there's just, um. [He sits down next to her] Judy, there's someone I need to tell you about. [Kellerman makes an unpleasant call to the Garlic Cutter at a lakeside home.] Garlic Cutter: Yes? Kellerman: The transfer did not go through. Garlic Cutter: That's... disappointing. Kellerman: We can re-file, but the warden- Garlic Cutter: It is a waste of time. I think it's time we stopped beating about the bush, gentlemen, and go after the damn bush! [The camera cuts to the chapel, where Lincoln sits in a pew looking worried] Kellerman: [Still talking to the Garlic Cutter] Burrows. What do you want done? [Michael appears behind him and puts his hand on his brother's shoulder. Lincoln relaxes.] Garlic Cutter: Take the only thing Burrows has left: Time. After all, the chair isn't the only way to take a man's life in prison END OF EPISODE	{"type": "series", "show": "Prison Break", "episode": "01x05 - English, Fitz or Percy"}	foreverdreaming

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