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801,554 |
male
| 17 |
Student
|
Pisces
|
19,July,2004
|
I told my supervisor that I quit my job on Friday, just because we were having our anual personnel review and I found myself asking what the heck I was still working here for. So my last day is the 30th, and I don't have anything else lined up. I have this feeling this is going to come back and bite me in the ass, BIG TIME. But it doesn't matter now, because I won't have to put books away anymore!! Applyed at Panera Bread Company for a position at their new restaurant somewhat near me, and there was a s^^^load of other people there. Saw some people from my high school, and some people I haven't seen since elementary school. But what did I expect, they put a huge ad in the classifieds... And right now there appears to be a crew cutting off tree limbs in the alley behind my house at ten-thirty at night preventing me from putting my car in the garage. Ah well.
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801,554 |
male
| 17 |
Student
|
Pisces
|
14,July,2004
|
Went and saw Anchorman, the Legend of Ron Burgundy the other day...very funny film. Can't wait for I, Robot, though.
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801,554 |
male
| 17 |
Student
|
Pisces
|
10,July,2004
|
I suppose you all would like to know what I've been doing lately. Not much, I can tell you that. Not much at all. Today I played tennis with my good freind Ryan. Neither of us is very good. I'm okay when it comes to serving, but when I have to return it I can't aim it at all. And Ryan is just plain agressive when it comes to hitting it all the time. But it was great fun. Just don't expect me to win Wimbledon anytime soon.
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801,554 |
male
| 17 |
Student
|
Pisces
|
03,July,2004
|
Hey everyone, sorry I haven't been updating. Nothing new here, really. Looking for a job, I really need one of those. And that's about it.
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801,554 |
male
| 17 |
Student
|
Pisces
|
08,August,2004
|
I am back, and I am great. What has occured you ask? Basically I was trying to clear my head and try and take care of some stuff that had been collecting in my mind. On Tuesday I went to Magic Waters (which is a local water park) with my best friend, on Thursday I went bicycling with that same freind and later we went mini-putting and then bowling, and on Friday I went on a two day catholic retreat with my very very cool freind scott. Fantastic experience, really met some awesome people. Got back today feeling fantastic. FANTASTIC I SAY. The Villiage, which I did see last Sunday, was good. Yes. See it.
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801,554 |
male
| 17 |
Student
|
Pisces
|
02,August,2004
|
From this blog. Probably a week long. Take care everyone. If anyone reads this. Hopefully I'll feel better when I clear my head.
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
can't deny it anymore. urlLink http://www.zheteng.com/ttt/lifeview.htm be a good friend, not a stupid friend, don't always trust people, but believe in yourself.
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
People is like that, they will condemn you for the mistakes u done, but never praised u for the good things u do. It juz take 1 mistake to destroy all the good things u have done. And if u keep making mistakes, no matter how much good things u do, it will never change the fact that u did some mistakes in yur life. So what if i have done mistakes at first? i am human, dun u ever done a mistake? so what do they do? Condemn u? ok fine nowadays people condemn u then forgive u, thats good enough, so i did do many mistakes at first, but nobody correct me, they rather condemn me then correct me. ok nevermind, condemning is a way of correcting so i understood y they condemn me so i change but its a big mistake it worsen the condemning, there r doubt in them now. Nevermind that, people doubt each other at first, so i learn through the hard way, when i got people angry, i change, they say bad things behind my back i try to fig it out and change, people frame me sabo me nevermind i change to suit them so that they won't do it again. ok its a hard work but i find it challenging. It begin to work, people r beginning to trust me and i can get along. but there's a fact that human get angry sometimes, i am human so there r times i got angry, so what if i scold? u can't take it? i didn't even shout. And the cruel reality came. U ALL want me to stop condemning people. i felt stupid, why in the 1st place did i listen to u all? why must i put up all yur shit? why must u all brainwashed my best friend? did u all know my effort has gone to waste? and i still wanted to warn u all that there are some blacksheep in the group of friends, but come to think of it i am going to yur level by doing that. Or shall i say u all are one of a kind? Gals alike, u all knew what happen, but u all wanted to do things yur way so much u all forgets about being grace. After reading this there will be people thinking that i am stupid, i can don't listen to u all in the 1st place, and do what i like, its yur own damn fault for being what u are today. FUCK that's what i have been doing before u all condemn me, i have been minding my own business all the time. that's a mistake u all condemn me about. u all push me into this shit hole and blame me for it. Some how i always hope that you all are happy for what u done, if not then what the meaning for all this shit?
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
I minded my own business don't like to mind thier business they say i am rude and unsociable, will do things watever i like without asking. ok fine i get along, talk to them tried to be friendy, listen to them to do wat they like. fuck they say i am trying to cheat them 'po lan par' etc, ok nevermind you all did it, i know wat u all want so i go, i won't bother u all, now they all say i need to talk more. Fuck lah make up yur mind lar. what u all want from me? u think i am a toy to play ah? then chuck me aside when bored, very fun is it?
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
the prev picture was posted after i came back from stadium, damn tired after the parade, see the tv broadcast but didn't see me, haiz nevermind i dun look good on tv anyway, its the memories that count. anyway G.O.H shift is over, its back to my duty shift, i did say something about unwilling to go back but what can i do, can't escape the cruel reality. Before that i am having a looong deserve break, from now till sat. Till then i am free from hell.
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
urlLink NDP 2004 9th Aug I have finally found some happy memories to remember. urlLink
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
Exicited right now, in 10 hrs time i will be marching into the 60,000 crowd. so in the mean time i must get myself ready now till 8:30 i will go to base 8:30 till around 11am i will be heading to indoor stadium 11am till 2 or 3pm will be doing the last rehersal 5:30 to 6pm march in! wish me luck.
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
tomolo is the Big day, after all the drill rehearsal, it is finally the day to perform. this past 3 months has been quite enriching for me, i have seen the 'behind the sence' of NDP 2004, the mistakes, the fun, the sense of achievement. the girls, (heehee) all this feeling are within me and i won't forget it for the rest of my live. see u at the national stadium.......
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
2 days ago at century sq entrance oppisite the field, me and my father was crossing the road and was almost knock down, we ran across juz in time. but this couple who saw us say: pity we didn't get knock down. it was the girl who said it and her boyfriend or husband or whatever say: yah lor. why did u say this??? did u know it hurt me and my father? u are juz being irresponsible, passing rude remark without thinking. u think we want to cross road and want to get knock down delibrately?? theres so many people crossing the road there everyday and u didn't say anything to them? even u did don't u have yur own business to mind or did u ever jay walk b4??? if got lets hope u and yur boyfriend get knock down soon.
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
urlLink Picture of me taken outside the kallang indoor stadium, this is taken during the NDP2004 NE show. I can only post this picture as i have no time to take pictures during preview i wish i had the time to take photo but the RSM won't let us take, he say something about us taking photo of the girls there. whatever does that mean..... urlLink i know this photo is dark and u might not see my face, what the heck i don't look good, trust me u don't want to see.
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
One day a boy question his dad on why he is different from other people, he asked why some people has the ability to enjoys life easily and effortlessly whereas he must work very hard to enjoy life and sometimes didn't get to enjoy at all.... Dad's reply: In the big sea there are different type of birds, one type hunt fishes by soaring up the sky and dive down into the sea bravely to catch the fish. The other stand still in the sea near the beach and peck at the fishes around the water. The day juz passes as it is and both live without starving. i didn't understood the reply at 1st but then i finally understood this story and know that my ability is limited, i must know what i can do now and can't do, and perhaps in the future i can be that bird that can soar up the sky and dive into the sea bravely. hope you understand.
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
why am i writing all those sad memories? i should juz forget about them and write about my good memories. i shouldn't be blaming myself or people for a mistake that happen so long ago. (ok i will try not to) Anyway, NDP 2004 is coming and i am in the AirForce Guard Of Honor contingent. this is a whole new experience for me as it a first time i can feel such a BIG crowd looking at us. I was pull out as a reserved during the NE show, it was dissapointing i guess i sux in drill, but i did manage to film some firework so its not a bad thing to be a reserved. but i did went to the preview, felt nervous and excited, luckly i didn't screw up, i hope i won't screw up on the actual day.
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
It's funny though when both of u r meant to be friends god will put u together, but if u are not meant to be, god will not, even he does, he will still seperates you eventually. Friend A and B start off as stranger, but no matter how hard they tried to do their own things, trying to ignore each other, they still manage to find things to chat. on the other hand another Friend A can't find any thing to talk to Friend C, A and C always offended each other. C felt uneasy and wanted to ruin A and B. but A know he has offended C so A tried to get along, but it can't be done, no matter how hard A tried, they still offended each other, in the end after a hard struggle, A managed to be friend C but it has ruin him and B's friendship. After a few months faith put A and B together in a same place though both did not talk much and was seperated later. A and C didn't get to be best friend, as months after A quarrel with B and tried to be friend C, they still can't find things to talk. In the end faith put A to place R and C was put to place C, place C has a mission to put down place R and place R has to stop place C (was never put together and even it does they will destroy each other) A and B remain stranger A and C remains plain friend and on job enermies. A lost a best friend. A wonder if B and C are meant to be together.. ??? This story tell us that A and B are meant to be if C leaves them alone, if C comes to A, B has to go and also the other way round. C and A takes more effort to be together then B and A. when A and B has the will to be friends GOD kept them together. When A and B lost his will to be friends, GOD seperates them. (meant to be together and meant to be sperated). when A and C are together, something bad will happen. (Not meant to be together). A will never know if B and C are meant to be together as he was FUCKING STUPID.
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
I hate that place, its dark, cold, smelly and chaotic. but i need to go back on wed night., and soon i will be living there for 2 night straight. i am very afraid and lonely there, i don't know when will i get beaten. it so chaotic. people fighting, quarralling, stealing each other's stuff. i don't trust anyone there, they r sooo fake when they smile at u. i don't have much friend there, even i have they r starting to doubt me, i can feel it, their eyes is cold, the job there is killing me very very slowly, i dun have enough sleep and the people there dun let me. some try to please the higher ranks, getting all the good job themselves leaving the shit job 4 us who juz follow orders when given. some will use force to settle problem, they dun know pain or regret, they juz beat you up when they like it, nobody will know if u got beaten. I am brave, things will be alright, i will juz take it slowly step by step, everthing will be alright after this one. i will not fall. 319 days left....
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
A stupid mistake done years ago, and its haunting me, i felt helpless, i can't be a good friend then, i don't understand life, who does? trying to change, but its soooo difficult. i felt something is wrong in me, but i can't express it, even i do, no one understand me... yet. what shall i do that is correct? what shall i not do if its wrong. whatever shit happens life still goes on... Life does not sux, it juz ain't EZ/fair...
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
urlLink 30th july Fri night, around 2330hrs - 0030hrs, an accident has happened below my block, seem like a van and a cyclist collided, heard a loud crash n some commotion. saw a person crawl out under the van with the aid of a passer by b4 the ambulance arrived, he was sent to hospital by the paramedic. (well thats what i saw, might not be the case.) Cycling can be dangerous at night, i think i need to gear up properly and take proper route if i ever want to cycle at night again. urlLink
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
urlLink There goes another one. urlLink
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
urlLink NDP 2004 NE Show Firework, it was soooo beautiful. Life should be like that, full of colours and energy. urlLink
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
|
i believe everyone needs a place to voice out your feeling or else you will go insane, i tried to voice to some friends but it seems to fustrate them, well nevermind not their fault, who wants to listen to me nag about my problem all day. Thats life....., here you are reading my blog and if u find it offending i guess it can't be help, thats the life i am having.
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4,100,552 |
male
| 23 |
Military
|
Libra
|
02,August,2004
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urlLink I Loved this anime urlLink
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3,418,420 |
female
| 17 |
Military
|
Pisces
|
30,May,2004
|
Quote of the moment: 'I couldn't be happier on my own, but I've got the slightest of a jealous bone and seein' her with him...tends to enlarge it.' -Martina McBride I saw my ex again today when I was taking my sister to the supermarket. That sucked. How can he still have such an affect on me? I talked to him online too tonight. He's still dating his bimbo. Terrific. Yet, if he asked me to, I'd date him and let him have his bimbo. How sad, ne? He told me how much fun they're having together, how much he likes her. I felt so shitty. Then he asked about my love life. I replied, 'lol.' Yah, that about sums it up. Here's how it stands: 1) Seth, 22, pre-law student at the UofA. He's daringly handsome, and ridiculously rich, but. Yes, BUT, I don't like him. He's offered me everything, and I don't feel a thing. I even kissed him to check, not a single spark. 2) My ex, let's call him Lucifer, 19, Pima Community College student. I love him with every inch of my being. Heart, soul, body and mind. I'd die for him. BUT (that infamous 'but' again) he would rather date his 18-year-old whore. I HATE MEN! THEY RUIN MY LIFE! I feel like such a bitch for not liking Seth, but I can't help it! And then, I'm still in love with my ex of several months who stole my spiritual virginity and my innocence and my heart and my sanity! Fuck him! Why can't I just take it all back! Damn him! Well, aside from my love life, my best friend (my twin practically) is moving to Tejas in August and I'm dreading it. My entire family is pissed that I've signed up for the Air Guard because I'll be going to Iraq (most likely) and they don't want me to get raped (little do they know that it wouldn't be the first time) AND my grades haven't come in the mail yet. I have summer school starting Tuesday, damn. I start work on Monday, damn. I am sick of this. I just want to go to boot camp. Daily physical exhaustion sounds like bliss. I guess I'll start counting down the days...G'nite all.
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3,418,420 |
female
| 17 |
Military
|
Pisces
|
21,May,2004
|
'A million words couldn't bring you back. I know because I've tried. And neither would a million tears. I know because I've cried.' Today has been terrible. So, I've decided to create this online journal because I have no one else I can tell this all to. I'm terrible. I talked to my ex-boyfriend recently on the phone. It was on wednesday night, it was torture. He told me that he and his girlfriend are on rocky ground. Instead of telling him how much I love him still and that I want him back, I slipped in to my 'best friend' mask and told him he'd be alright. I listened for two and a half hours. Then he said, 'Good night Crystal, I'll always love you.' What the fuck? We broke up about a month ago and I'm still not over it and here he is telling me he still loves me?! I am still head over fucking heels in love with him! He's clueless to the fact obviously and I am left to dream. Oh well. At least he feels better after talking to his 'best friend'. I can't get him out of my head! Everything reminds me of him. I can't be in my own room and not think of him! It's never going to end if he keeps calling me and telling me he loves me. Now, what you all don't realize is that I love this man with all my heart and all my soul. I was certain we were going to get married and then all of a sudden he just up and left me for a stupid whore. He keeps telling me that he likes us both but if he likes us both, why isn't he with me since he was with me first. Oh well. So I've got a couple weeks vacation before I have to start school again. I'm probably going to spend it going to parties and getting drunk so I can get him off my mind. Oh well. It's better than dreaming about him constantly like I do. I mean, right now, I'd take him back in an instant. How sad is that? It hurts so much. I've cried myself to sleep a lot this week. The sad thing is, I was pretty much over him until last week or so. I don't know what happened, but it hurts so much. It's like the wound just opened again, I can't really say why. It's just ten times worse this time. Damn him. I'm going to go take some sleeping pills and go to sleep. Maybe that will help. Doubt it. I feel like I'm dying inside.
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3,418,420 |
female
| 17 |
Military
|
Pisces
|
27,June,2004
|
Quote: In my daughter's eyes I am a hero I am strong and wise and I know no fear But the truth is plain to see She was sent to rescue me I see who I wanna be In my daughter's eyes In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace This miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak I find reason to believe In my daughter's eyes And when she wraps her hand around my finger Oh it puts a smile in my heart Everything becomes a little clearer I realize what life is all about It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough It's giving more when you feel like giving up I've seen the light It's in my daugter's eyes In my daughter's eyes I can see the future A reflection of who I am and what will be Though she'll grow and someday leave Maybe raise a family When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me For I'll be there In my daughter's eyes ~'In My Daughter's Eyes' by Martina McBride Entry: Today is June 27th of 2004. Three years ago, I would've had my little girl. My Mariah would've been born. God, I just wish for one moment I could hold her. I saw a little toddler in Church on Saturday afternoon, she was about three. She had curly brown hair and big brown eyes and I wanted to just start crying. I watched the movie 'Home Room' and two quotes hit me hard. One of them was, 'When you're all alone and then you lose your baby' because that's exactly how I felt. I remember, having all these friends. Guy friends and girl friends, but when it came down to talking about it... I couldn't. I remember trying to talk to one of my friends, Kirby. The words literally wouldn't come out of the mouth. The other part was talking about when her baby died and she said something like 'You know when you lose a newborn and you don't have anyone they give you a coffin. It's a styrofoam coffin, like a cooler for a picnic.' I kept thinking how I didn't get anything but a phone call. It confirmed that the pregnancy was termintated. No, they didn't say that your father murdered your baby... They said 'We're calling to inform you that your pregnancy was terminated.' Sick bastards, don't even get me started. I just want to hold her, if only once. My little girl... I never knew that maternal instinct could kick in this powerfully. I mean, I just want to take my baby girl in to my arms and hold her... I want it more than anything. Well, I guess I'll just comfort myself with that typical 'God has a plan for everything' bullshit that I never believe and go on with life. Well, I really only have one thing left to say: If any of you who read this have kids, kiss them goodnight and tuck them in tonight. For me. Don't take them for granted, they're beautiful. A child is a beautiful blessing and I'd give the world to get mine back. Goodnight everyone, God bless. Listening to: 'In My Daughter's Eyes' By Martina McBride
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3,418,420 |
female
| 17 |
Military
|
Pisces
|
14,June,2004
|
Quote: 'Its hard to answer the question 'What's wrong?' When nothing is right.' -Anonymous Entry: Damn, I showed my dad the car on Saturday. (Someone hit my parked car in the school parking lot... Idiots.) He was less than pleased. Alright, he was furious. That did wonders for my self-esteem. My back is bruised pretty bad, and I've got a vibrant black eye. Oh well, make up works wonders sometimes. One of my best friends, Matt, almost ratted my dad out to the cops when he heard what happened. I'm afraid to tell him about my father anymore. The thing he doesn't understand is, my little sister thinks her father is a good man. From the point of view of growing up without a real father, I can say that I'd rather take his beatings and let my sister have a father than report him to the cops. Now, if he ever so much as yells at her, he's going to jail. I've got enough documented injuries at the doctor's office and I've started taking time-stamped photos for evidence. My family life isn't the only problem though. My ex and I haven't talked in a while, and now I've started missing him all over again (oh brother!) but I should've seen that coming. I keep thinking about him, and I have no idea why! I can't even go a day without thinking of him. I've tried to stop, but I can't. I still pray for him every morning and night... He's still constantly on my mind during the day and he CONSUMES my dreams at night. He's everywhere. Oh well, it happens I guess, when you're in love. Summer school is a total drag, the teacher's a friggin imbecile. She can't read and I could teach the damn class better than she does. I understand that the students in summer school are expected to be stupid, but the teachers? It's ridiculous. Oh well, only one more week and three days. Thank God. Lastly, my nightmares came back. I had a terrible recurrance tonight... It was so vivid... Worse than I ever remember. I wanted to call my ex, he said he'd always be there for me. I didn't call him, I chickened out. Maybe I'll call him tonight, maybe not. Mariah's (my daughter's) birthday is coming up. June 27th. She'll be three... Or rather, she would be three. Damn him. Bastard, I hate my father. Anyway, I have school in a few hours. Good night all! Sweet dreams (at least one of us should get some rest... I certainly won't.) Listening to: Broken Wing by Martina McBride
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3,418,420 |
female
| 17 |
Military
|
Pisces
|
06,June,2004
|
Quote: 'People are to be loved; things are to be used.' Entry: Wow. Talk about ruining someone's day. My mother turned a perfectly good Sunday afternoon in to hell for me in the course of one hour. That has to be some kind of record. We're getting new flooring in our hallway and living room and I saw a TV ad that said Lowes had some deal going on for flooring, so I told her. After church today, she decides to drag me (and my grandmother...don't get me started) with her. So, after forty-five minutes of telling her we couldn't afford the only thing she liked, she settled for considering another floor and we started to leave. Only, my crazy grandmother decided she needed to buy more rosebushes so my (very POed) mother and I sat in the car (in 100+ degree weather, mind you) and waited. Finally, ten minutes later, she comes out. I offer to help and my mom bitches at me for saying that I felt ill earlier. WHAT THE HECK WAS I SUPPOSED TO TELL HER? I'M GRIPPING MY STOMACH IN PAIN BECAUSE IT FUCKING TICKLES?! Oh my God. My family life is honestly the baine of my existance. Here's a quick summary of my family: Mom: Menopausal middle-aged woman with a permenant stick up her ass. She's impossible to please and even when I try as hard as I can to make sure that she knows both my sister and I love her, it's never good enough. She's over critical, over opinionated and basically isn't happy unless she's ruined your day. Father: Abusive SOB. Enough said. Oma (Grandmother who lives with us): A bit senial, but really rather intelligent and kind when you get to know her. Sweet, considerate and compassionate person. She's a democrat though, lol. She can play the senial old woman part very well though, and it drives me up a friggin wall. Sister: Here's an enigma. Very mature for her age in some ways, yet totally immature in others. She's going through one of those 'phases' where her parents don't understand her and she wants to rebel against everything. Good for her, except Mother takes it out on me. All in all, not a bad relative at all, except when she's PMSing. Well, I went to Victoria's Secret (shopping for lingerie always calms me down) and of course I bought all black (that's what you-know-who likes)AND my one escape from this hell, a girls' night at my best friend's house, was cancelled because her dad's sick. Now I'm really screwed. Anyway, I prayed for you-know-who again at mass this week. I have every week since it ended. I can't help it. I want him back, is that so wrong? Song: 'The Rabbit' by Jimmy Wayne (love it!)
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3,418,420 |
female
| 17 |
Military
|
Pisces
|
05,June,2004
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Quote : 'No one is perfect until you fall in love with them.' and 'A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!' Entry: Well, it's official. I'm in love again. Guess who with? HA! My ex. Curse it all! It just figures knowing me. I broke my toe. I jammed it bad at TEAM on Thursday, then I went home. My father was there, terrific. As if I wasn't sore enough. Well, he saw it and told me I was a baby and to hack it. When I told him to go to hell, he punched me in the stomach, knocking me down. He's one of those guys who's keen on holding his target down and torturing them. So, he held me down. Don't think I'll be wearing a bikini next time I go swimming, unless I find a large TUB of concealer. Then, he bent my toe over, breaking it. He told me I needed to grow up and learn how to deal with pain. My 'father' said that if I couldn't handle a broken toe, that I wouldn't do any good in the Air Guard. I called my ex, in tears. His father used to hit him too, so I told him everything. He's in EMT training and he told me what to do with my toe and he offered to come over. Of course, I told him not to. I probably would've slept with him again. God. Don't get me started with that one. So, yah, I'm pretty much in love with him again, it's official. About quote two though. I have to tell you all that I have such great friends. I really do. I'm not sure I should use names but I will anyway. My best friend, Megan, she's been so great when I complain about my ex. We have so much fun together! It's great. She's like my twin sister. Everyone on TEAM (A church group I'm in) is great. Banjo, Shemp, Adam, Melissa...all of them are great. We played our game, Squid, yesterday for quite some time and it was so much fun. Playing that game with them all, I just noticed how much all of them mean to me. I really love them all. They've really helped me with everything. I love them all, I'd die for any one of them. And then there's Moe and DR who are like my second pair of parents. Or should I say, DR is the closest thing I've had to a Dad. Moe, she was there for me when my mom wasn't so I love her just as much as my mom. They're both so important to me. I'm so lucky. I love them all like family. Oh, one last thing. I've decided to take a vow of chastity again. After I was raped, I pretty much didn't care what I looked like or what people thought of me. Recently, I've been considering it thouroughly and I've decided I will. I'm a VIP or VTM. (Virgin in Peace or Virgin until Marriage, both on Lifeteen.com) I guess it'll have to be a secondary virginity, but I've decided to be modest too. And I've given up swearing. I want to be as pure as I can for my husband. Right now, I think that may be my ex, but things change and while I know he'll accept me as I am, he also drives me to improve myself. So that's my newest mission. That, and mending my toe in time to hit the gym on Monday. Ha, oh well. G'nite all. Song: 'You're Not My God' by Keith Urban.
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3,418,420 |
female
| 17 |
Military
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Pisces
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03,June,2004
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Quote of the moment: 'Everyboday cries,everybody bleeds. No one ever said that life's an easy thing. That's the beauty of it, when you lose your way,close your eyes and go to sleep and wake up to another day.' -'I Will Carry You' by Clay Aiken Entry: Well, today I'm confused. I got kind of nervous about the whole Iraq thing, I guess it hit me when my friend from Colorado (he's in the Corp.) and he told me that he'd had to escort his best friend's body home from Iraq. That hit hard. I got pretty shaken up. Then, my ex gets online. Wow, great. So we start talking and I mentioned it. He tells me he knows I'm strong. That really meant so much to me because I may have a girly exterior, I work out and I ensure that I can protect myself. Well, I was basically in tears, but of course I won't admit it. So we talked about planes for a while. We covered all the good ones (F-16, Tomcats, Intruders, B-1, B-52, AC-130, DC-7) and that was fun. Turns out we'd talked for over an hour so he says he'll call me. Shit. Why'd I have to say 'ok' to that? We talked for a long time, laughing and enjoying each other's company. Of course, I fall for him all over again. He laughs at my girlyness and how I love Victoria's Secret. We talked about school a bit. He sounded pretty tired, and I said I'd go because he sounded half-asleep. He responded 'No. I'm not half-asleep. I'm all asleep.' I could physically feel myself falling for him. Damn him. Finally, I told him since he was getting up at 5am that we should probably go to bed. (It's like 1:30) When I hung up, I was so close to saying 'I love you.' but I didn't. Thank God. I told him 'sweet dreams' and when I hung up the phone I realized I'd called him dear, sweetheart and darling multiple times. I'm one of those girls who uses the word 'dear' a lot but darling? Never. Shit. Oh well. I guess that's the story of my life. He didn't mention his bimbo, lucky me. I would've started crying or something pathetic like that. Anyway, I think I should probably sleep some. I've got to get up around 6. (Of course I didn't tell him that when he asked if I had to get up early when he called.) Anyway, yah. G'nite all. Listening to: Clay Aiken CD Tracks: I Will Carry You, The Way, When You Say You Love Me, No More Sad Songs, Run to Me, I Survived You, This is the Night, Measure of a Man (all great songs!!!)
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3,418,420 |
female
| 17 |
Military
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Pisces
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23,July,2004
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Quote: '...She used to think that love wasn't just a game/ Her feelings once came from the heart/ One day I gave her a wedding ring/ And one night I tore all those feelings apart/ With my alibis and lying eyes and all the best lies/ Lord, she heard them all/ She's been cheated on and pushed around and left alone/ Lord knows what I've put her through...' -A song that I knew the name to at one point Entry: Well, I'm back from Vegas... Yay? Aw, hell, I don't know how I feel about that. I guess it was fun, stressful , but fun. I went on roller coasters, flirted with life guards and got groped about eight times. Damn men. Oh well, I got to go to the Luxor. What a nerd, I went there for the soul purpose of exploring the architecture. Meh, I don't care anymore. I am a nerd I guess. I read a particularly morbid Harry Potter Fanfic that put me in a rather damp mood. So I've started a Harry Potter story of my own. Maybe I'll post it here, maybe not. Regardless, you can see all my fanfiction at: urlLink www.fanfiction.net/~taintedelf It's not good, but it's not shit either. I got a major muse for my original, which is thrilling. I thought it nigh dead. Back to Vegas, I got a cute necklace and some nice Steve Madden shoes. Yay. I loved the casinos. I hadn't seen the Aladdin since it was built, so that was a great surprise. The Mirage buffet was remodeled, it sucks now. Don't eat there. We stayed at the Excalibur (cute security guards!) and it was rather nice. Cold (in the casino), but nice. I have to visit my dad on Saturday. I'm kinda' scared about it. He wants to teach me how to drive a manual, so maybe it won't be too bad. I hope. Aw, I don't care. He hits me, I'll hit him back. I'll never complain about Tucson driving again, in Vegas... It's bloody insane! I got a migraine driving just four blocks. Bloody bastards. Half the city should have their licenses revoked. Permanently. Well, I'm off to utilize my muse. She's been bouncing off the walls lately, it's bloody terrific. Off to write. Peace out. God Bless Kirael Listening to: 'It's all coming back to me now' by Celine Dion
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3,418,420 |
female
| 17 |
Military
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Pisces
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15,July,2004
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Quote: 'Aw, that lovely title, ex-president.' -Eisenhower AND 'Don't worry, because, in the end, everything tastes like chicken... And chiken... Tastes good.' -Unknown Entry: Well, Government's over. I guess I'm happy about that. I got an A, thank God. We watched some good movies (i.e. The American President) and I enjoyed it. I'll miss the friends I made... Ah, c'est la vie. They were a nice change from the over-intelligent over-achieving, self-absorbed assholes I'm sick of from Decathlon though. I miss Casey alot, she was such a great decathlete but she graduated. She and Kirsten were really the only ones who weren't pompous. Now, I'm going to hate it. Kirsten Limon and Shanna Varcilo (spelling's terrible) are going to be on the team. I loathe them both with a passion. I've been working my ass off so I'll make the team though, I absolutely need that scholarship. One thing that really pisses me off it Tye Bostick, okay, he's a person. The thing is, I hated him until we went on the Flagstaff trip. While we were there, I found out he's going to CatFoot next year instead of CDO. At first I was relieved, but then I started liking him and now I'm bummed about it. Stupid f***er. Oh well, that's life (and life sucks.) Well, even though Megan couldn't go to Vegas with me, I think I'll have a good time. I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to meet some guys, I need that. I'm sick of being told that I'm pretty no matter what, that's so easy to see right through. I want to feel desirable. I need to feel like someone wants me... I'm not saying I'm going to go and get laid but I'll definitely be looking for some hot guys. The sun will be nice, and I am looking forward to the drive. Roadtrips are fun. The Decathlon road trip was (more or less) very fun. It's only three hours to Flagstaff (and three hours back) but it was fun for the most part. The ride up was bumpy (literally and figuratively) but oh well. The ride home was a blast except for a few things. Our coach, Mr. Yetman, is so cool. Mrs. Yetman and I had a nice time watching her two sons while the rest of the class walked around the Meteor Crater. I miss her class, it makes me want to take Spanish I again, lol. She's such a sweet lady, and what I loved most is that she doesn't hold grudes (I was a bit of a cut-up in her class) and she doesn't judge people. When I mentioned certain things (i.e. alcohol) she didn't think any less of me at all. She gave me one of the most touching compliments. She told me that when she was talking with me at Meteor Crater that I was much more mature than I was sophomore year. She said that I have grown in to a beautiful, smart and brave young woman and that she'd be proud to have a daughter like me any day. Wow, that felt so good to hear. To be honest, I felt like crying. I've been having a bit of a hard time with my self-esteem lately, and that really helped. Hell, just two days before she said that, I'd wanted to jump off a 35 foot cliff and never come up out of the water... I mean, people say that everyone should have self-confidence but I really don't think it does much good. I know I'm pretty and I know I'm smart (to an extent on both counts) but I don't feel any better for it. In reality, I feel worse. I feel like I'm failing to meet standards that should be no problem for someone who's smart and pretty. That compliment was so nice to hear, especially after constant insults to my intelligence on the trip. I'll be honest, I act like a dork sometimes just for laughs but when people sit there and insult my intelligence when I do, it hurts. One girl, who I consider a good friend, really hurt me on that trip. I really felt insulted when she kept calling me a dork or making comments that I wasn't very smart. I read and I study and I love learning and that really hits a nerve. Mr. and Mrs. Yetman both see through the 'dumb blonde' facade (as does everyone else) so I know they aren't fooled but when this girl insults me... It hurts. I'm not the type to be easily offended or to care very often but there's just something about the way she says it all the time that hits hard. I mean, I can usually take quite a beating. I only have two week points: religion and my morals (mainly modesty) and yet she never really attacks either. Yet, she still manages to irk me. OH well, I'll save that for future pondering. To bring this to a sort of conclusion, I read another blog today that talked about emotional masochism... And as I read it, I realized that I might just be one in the same. An emotional masochist, I like it when people emotionally hurt me... Hmm... I'll get back to you on that one. Until later, peace out. God bless, Kirael
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3,418,420 |
female
| 17 |
Military
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Pisces
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13,July,2004
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Quote: 'Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.' -William Jennings Byran Entry: Well, the Decathlon team went to Flagstaff. I missed my boy a ton, but it was fun. Studied, watched two of the cutest boys ever and got in to several heated debates. It was stressful though and I remember why I quit last year. It's the people, not the material. Oh well. I'll get over it, I need that scholarship. I've decided I'm going to NAU in Flagstaff. I can get a scholarship and get in the honors dorms, which is very good. I'm taking government now, it's almost over. Thank God, I need a break. I mean, the class is fun (who ever would've thought you could earn credit for watching Law and Order?) but I need sleep. Bad. Eh, c'est la vie. Oh, that reminds me, I haven't decided on next years schedule yet. I'm taking: Honors Spanish III, Academic Decathlon, Psychology and Biology/PE. I need one more class and i can't decide between choir or French I. I'm going to audition for regional choir and American Idol this year so I guess I should choose choir but in reality, I'm going to be a cop... Fuck singing, I need more languages to get in the to FBI. I'm so confused, shit. Oh well, screw it all. I'll figure it out the day of classes, lol. This Thursday I'm going to Vegas! YAY! I can't wait. I plan on getting terribly drunk, finding some random hot guys to make out with and shopping until my bank card is broken. That's the life. We're staying at the Excalibur, it'll be so much fun! I'm so excited! The shopping and tanning are what I most look forward to. I need a tan, but my thighs are getting a bit too big, I haven't been exercising enough. Eh, oh well. All in all, I have a pretty okay few weeks. A few mom issues and I'm going to kill my dad but other than that, it's good. I'll leave you with the lyrics to my new favorite (extremely depressing) song. Listening to: Artist: Paisley Brad (Featuring Alison Krauss) Title:Whiskey Lullaby She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind Until the night He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger And finally drank away her memory Life is short but this time it was bigger Than the strength he had to get up off his knees We found him with his face down in the pillow With a note that said I'll love her till I die And when we buried him beneath the willow The angels sang a whiskey lullaby (Sing lullaby) The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath She finally drank her pain away a little at a time But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind Until the night She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger And finally drank away his memory Life is short but this time it was bigger Than the strength she had to get up off her knees We found her with her face down in the pillow Clinging to his picture for dear life We laid her next to him beneath the willow While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby (Sing lullaby)
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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24,April,2004
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My first picture post! Ha! I am a GENIUS! (The web-literate should feel free not to scoff. We all have to start somewhere.)
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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23,April,2004
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The essay thought it had beaten me this morning, but I picked myself up, dusted myself down, gritted my teeth and finished the bastard thing off like the stone-cold academic assassin that I am. Raaahhh! Now it's sunny and I want to do fun things, but resource boards and another 2000 words on assessment are lurking in the corner making growly noises and pawing at my floorboards. Get back, I say! Having this blog makes me feel like Doogie Howser. I wonder what happened to Neal Patrick Harris? After Starship Troopers, I mean. Answers on a postcard, please.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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22,April,2004
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I seem to be trapped in 14-19 essay hell. Churning out 2000 words on this subject is like passing a kidney stone. I'm hoping to sleep-type tonight so I can wake up tomorrow and it's done. Sort of like a more focused version of automatic writing. I'm having one of those I'm the only one awake in the world moments. It's not even that late. I think it's a hormonal imbalance brought on by the summery weather and a particularly harrowing episode of Six Feet Under. I wonder how Lisa died. Lets hope it was quick, but quite painful. Fifa soccer, then bed.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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22,April,2004
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Like a good zombie movie, this blog will have no explanations thank you. It won't be funny and it won't be interesting. It may not even be here for very long. Try to enjoy it while it lasts. Love from Rob.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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01,May,2004
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Last night's upbeat mood somehow degenerated during the course of the evening into complete mental meltdown. Went out to meet Hav and some of her friends in town, but ended up hating every second of it and wishing I was back at home. Freaked out like a total drama queen, embarassed myself in front of Hav's friends, tried to go home in a huff, ended up back at Hav's house feeling inconsolably guilty and stupid. A padded room would have been a more appropriate venue for a person with my state of mind at this point. These are the stages of my PGCE angst: 1) Have work to do. Have been on holiday for three weeks. Don't want to do work. 2) Denial: Forget work, put it off, replace it with trivial, menial tasks such as paying the water bill and writing this blog. These make me feel like I've achieved stuff when in fact I've been wasting my time. 3) Guilt: Those who know me well will know that I am a 12th dan, black belt, grand master, heavyweight world champion at this. 4) Withdrawal: When I feel guilty, I like to hide in my flat and eat toast. Phone calls, unexpected visits and invitations to rejoin society in any form are not welcome. It's just me, myself and my thick sliced wholemeal. Attempts to socialise while in this state of mind only end in disaster, hence last night. 5) At this point I realise that I have been wallowing in this self-induced melodrama for a good couple of days and have achieved nothing at all, unless you count offending my mates and my relatives and regressing to adolescence. And shit, that work still needs doing! (Return to 1.) Fuck. Tonight I am knuckling down and will attempt to break this infernal cycle so that this blog can be a happier, cheerier place for a while. Apologies to anyone who read this expecting a laugh. I will try to pull it together in time for tomorrow. Right. To work...
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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30,April,2004
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Hav came round last night and we ate lasagne and Lindt chocolate bunny and quaffed pink champagne. How incredibly decadent! Got up this morning and winged my way down the East London line to my new school. It took about half an hour. Half an hour! Am going to gain just hours of my life back this term through not having to make ridiculous odyssey-esque voyages to work every day. This is amazing. I can play an extra hour of Gamecube every night! (I wanted to say extra planning, extra marking, extra resource-building, but who am I kidding?) The school is called Haberdasher's Askes. That's cos it was founded by the Guild of Haberdashers way back in ner-ner-nerfty-ner, and some guy called Aske donated a wad of cash to them when he died. It's massive and split over two sites, and it has more resources than you can shake a meter ruler at. They have darkrooms, they have kiln rooms, they have screen-printy things and a minibus service. You can charge your lunch to the school on a little swipey-card, and the same card will also do your photocopying for you! Genius! And they gave me keys! I keep using exclamation marks ALL THE TIME!!! It's a whole new world, people. I just hope I can remember how to teach so they won't kick me out. In a miraculous development, Barbara has put the Assessment essay deadline back to the 1st of June. Honestly, today couldn't really get any better! Will probably get run over by a car on the way to the pub.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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29,April,2004
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Laziness, it's a slippery slope. This morning I wagged GPS with the intention of handing in my essay, getting some books from the library and heading home to do job applications. Well, it's three o'clock and I've just woken up from my afternoon nap. How much work do you think I've done? That's right, bugger all. I'm such a waster. I think my brain is rebelling against twenty-odd weeks of stress. My motivation seems to be on strike and there's no work in my ethic. I may just muster the energy for a run so at least I will be skinny and toned when I flunk out of college. Blogging fever has taken over the world! My sister has somehow got her boss at the European parliament involved. My god, this thing goes right to the top! If it carries on, none of us will be able to work at all any more. We'll be too busy vicariously living out eachother's lives over the web, cackling maniacally at our own lame jokes and holding ten-way Yahoo messaging conferences to discuss developments in trackback technology. This is all Jenny McRobbie's fault. (When all else fails, blame the Scots.) Hav is coming round tonight for fun and frolics. Am preparing gargantuous Italian feast to celebrate.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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28,April,2004
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A small ocean fell from the sky today, but I've had worse days. Carla broke out her sample resources again this morning, which is always inspiring. She built a whole garden in a classroom once, complete with grass, flower beds, a brick wall and a fence, about a million live plants and one stuffed fox. It's absolutely unbelievable to behold. I skipped out of the lecture full of hope and enthusiasm. If I'm one tenth as exciting a teacher as that, my kids will be pretty lucky. My little sister has joined the blogging community. She is much smarter and wittier than me, so I plan not to read it very often for sanity's sake. I've made her a link though, so there's obviously no hard feelings. Question: If you run fast enough in corduroy trousers, could you set your crotch on fire due to friction? Have now not seen my girlfriend for 4 whole days. Where's a Havva when you need one?
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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26,April,2004
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Whatever Carla Mindel has for breakfast, I want some. The woman has boundless energy. She's a teaching machine. Today she pulled her usual 'you should have done this, and written that, and read these, and be well on your way to completing that by now' routine, and as usual left me pissing in my pants and crying for mercy. I'm sure there's a possibility that I could do all of the above within the aforementioned timeframe if I was prepared to forego all earthly pleasures, including sleep. Short of that, I think I might need to employ staff. Anyone volunteering? Thought not. Massive thunderstorm tonight in the London area. Was impressively flashy and bangy and arrived at the opportune moment to prevent me from going for a run. The rest of the night has slipped by in eel-like fashion without my having achieved half of what I was supposed to. Was feeling quite motivated this afternoon. I think that feeling got swept away on the cold front, along with the unseasonal April sunshine. My blog is becoming quite a gloom-fest. Tomorrow am instituting Positivity Day. Will smile and laugh in non-bitter/cynical/post-ironic fashion and will spread joy and hope among PGCE cohort. Will come home and produce 3 generic schemes of work while simultaneously constructing portfolio for interview. Will go to bed tired but happy and fulfilled. No, really. Just you wait and see.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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26,April,2004
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Ohhh dear. Decided to cap off our triumphant return to college with a spot of late afternoon drinking in Blackheath. Three pints later and I'm asleep and dribbling on the train home, completely missing my stop. Was forced to brave the public toilets at Waterloo, never a nice experience. Still doesn't cease to amaze me that they can charge you 20p to take a leak. The urine tax. Fascists. All thoughts of work, job applications, and any other kind of useful endeavour this evening have gone out the window due to tipsiness, followed swiftly by that most dreaded of afflictions, the Evening Hangover. Am currently guzzling pineapple squish in hopes of easing my headache but it ain't helping so far. In better news, have cleansed my PC of the evil AOL virus. Have sold my soul to Richard Branson instead. Much better. Recent Fifa Soccer News: Have won the Premiership by 11 points after emphatic 6-0 annihilation of Sunderland. Celebrations rather muted due to previous elimination from Champion's League at hands of determined Olympiakos side. Ah well, there's always next year...
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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25,April,2004
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You know that scene in Alien where Ripley's running down the corridor in the Nostromo near the end and suddenly she comes to a junction, and she just knows that the alien is there around the corner. So she's there, pressed against the wall, pouring sweat, and the xenomorph is also there, drooling and hissing like a motherfucker and looking at Jonesy in the cat box, and it's just the most terrifying thing you've ever seen in your life. Well, that about sums up today for me. There's a big, scary, hectic college/school/work monster just around the corner, and my flame thrower is running low on gas, but I'm gonna have to face it down, cos the ship is set for self destruct, and I only have eight weeks to reach minimum safe distance... Grab the coolant and run for the lifeboat, people. It's back to college tomorrow and at the University of Greenwich, everyone can hear you scream...
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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25,April,2004
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Spent last night at Hav's place lounging on exciting new double (possibly soon to be marital) bed, watching High Fidelity and wishing I was John Cusack. Also ate some white chocolate easter egg with my name on it. Mmm. Woke up to obscenely sunny day which we perversely but productively spent in an internet cafe scoping for wedding venues. Established Alexandra Palace marginally too small for our seating requirements. We may be looking into Wembley Stadium. Return to college beckons like a big beckony thing that's a bit loomy and rather larger than I'd like. I don't wanna do any more work. Maybe I'll become a monk and walk the earth doing kung fu. Tons of jobs in the TES today. Bugger.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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08,May,2004
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I'm feeling quite murderous right now. The folk in the flat upstairs have got an outlet pipe from their bathroom that pops out of the wall right above my window, and, for some reason, water has started pissing out of it for hours at a time, day and night AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! In the night-time, it makes me wake up dying for the loo. I'm surprised I haven't actually wet myself yet. In the day, it's like a form of fucking Chinese water torture. Except for that you get to go to China, at least. I'm sure psychological torment and sleep deprivation are much more bearable when you're not trying to compose lesson plans in a poky flat in the East End. I'm off to sharpen the kitchen knives. I may get back to you soon.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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07,May,2004
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Ahhhh. That's better. The end of the week is here. Finished my first proper lesson an hour or so ago. I successfully taught twenty-six girls how to transform clay into mud pies. A roaring success, I think you'll agree. Am now agonising between staying home and taking root on the sofa with sweets and rubbish TV for company, or dragging my sorry carcass to some faraway watering hole and abusing it with alcohol until I can no longer speak properly. Neither option sounding entirely convincing, I may go and drink shandy in the parking lot as a compromise. I wonder what shiny delights the weekend holds?
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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06,May,2004
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Ah dear. Another day, another donut. No blog yesterday due to terminal lethargy and the time lost to thinking up new 'urban teaching' concepts via Yahoo messaging. If by any chance you are thinking of getting this, on no account should you. It is the invention of the Devil, or, if not Beelzebub himself, then one of his under-demons. Perhaps it was Fred, the Balrog of Timewaste. Whatever, it eats up you life, so Just Say No. My sudden tsunami of Up and At Em-ness seems to have been beaten down by a decent-sized sea-wall of exhaustion. I am a living disproof of circadian rhythm theory. This being the third day of my school cycle, I should be bright eyed, bushy tailed and raring to go. Instead I am feeling more akin to an extra from Dawn of the Dead. Not even a good one. Just one of the filler zombies with the grey make-up and no facial prosthetics. The thing is, I haven't even done anything yet. Being in a new school can be an alienating experience. It's a daily grind of being on your best behaviour and always, always saying the right thing. On average, it takes maybe two hours to spot your establishment's major malfunction, and identify at least a couple of the following Interesting Topics of Conversation: 1) The teacher with bad personal hygiene. 2) The student with bad personal hygiene. 3) The teacher who is in charge of something crap in a really enthusiastic way and is therefore loathed by all and sundry. 4) The kid who, very unfortunately, has no friends and prefers the company of adults, ie. you. 5) The place where the kids go to smoke and hide while bunking off. 6) What pisses everyone off about the Head. Unfortunately, you are unable to broach these goldmines of gossip because you must first spend at least a month compiling evidence, observing friendship groups, researching behaviour patterns and above all reinforcing your own Safe Guy credentials. Then, and only then can you dare to cross the line into controversialdom. A wrong word in the shell-like of the wrong teacher, you see, can result in that staff room being a very uncomfortable place for you over the remainder of your placement. Oh yes. Every seat will suddenly be occupied, every coffee mug the sole and unborrowable property of Dave from IT. Best bring you own sandwiches, too, cos the Food Tech. ladies are in league with the folks at the canteen, and those mid-day supervisors are vicious . There's no room for error here, people. It's a tightrope. Better watch your step...
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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04,May,2004
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Suddenly found a rich vein of something approaching motivation. Don’t know where this came from, but there it is, like an extra toy in my box of Frosties. I feel quite energetic and inspired. Tonight I read some of an educational publication and found myself enjoying it. I’m scaring myself. It can’t last. Taught my first lesson at Askes (Or, Asskiss, as Hav insists on pronouncing it) today- nothing fancy, just a cover with some worksheets. Had the year seven boys almost literally eating out of my proverbial hand, though, and for a while there I felt like I might almost be okay at it. This feeling will last until my first encounter with a mardy year 9 girl, especially if she's taller than me, which seems to be happening more and more. I'd like to write more but my housemate Natalie is watching ITV dramas at a volume that's threatening to stress fracture my ribcage. It's interrupting my narrative flow no end. I'll have to get back to you tomorrow. Hope you had a good day too.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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03,May,2004
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A decidedly Sundayish feeling to today. I hate Sundays. Not just because it’s the day before Monday, cos, let’s face it, that’s how things have been since Gregory invented the calendar and if we haven’t got used to it by now there’s a problem somewhere. It’s just that they’re so disappointing. In the movies Sundays (and therefore also, I guess, bank holidays) begin with your being woken up by golden sunshine pouring through the window, or by some unfeasibly beautiful women stirring at your side, or by a shaggy dog jumping on the bed. You spend Sundays playing chess in the park with old Jewish men who bring along breadcrumbs for the pigeons, or drinking coffee on terraces with people in corduroy, or Guinness in charming pubs which are showing the football, but no-one is watching it. At any given time during all of these activities you will always have slightly mussed hair and perfectly even stubble. You will wear sloppy sweat tops and holey jeans in which you will look just fantastic. This is what Sunday is about. It is the law. So how come, then, on any given Sunday round my house, we lurk in our rooms doing work all morning, emerging bleary-eyed and grumpy about 2ish, do some washing up and the hoovering, eat a pizza, watch whatever dreck Channel 4 have decided this week is a cinematic classic, discuss our mild disappointment, and go to bed? I’m starting a campaign for More Exciting Sundays. Who’s with me? Just me then. OK.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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03,May,2004
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Application forms are evil, evil, evil. I have seen Hell, and it is full of little empty boxes marked 'qualifications' and 'recent employment history'. I have been working on these things for DAYS! Today's top five evils: 1) Eggs 2) Haircuts 3) June Sarpong 4) Misuse of apostrophes (Or, apostrophe's) 5) Bank holiday karaoke Am feeling much more stable today after almost literally chaining myself to the desk and putting in a few hours' good, honest graft. Suddenly everything seems a bit more manageable. Friday night's heebie jeebies seem to have been banished, at least for now. If they return, I shall swat them back from whence they came with my trusty new copy of Art Education 11-18 by Richard Hickman. THWACK! Life is so much better when you have literature on your side. God bless the people at Borders.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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15,May,2004
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Two whole days unblogged speaks volumes about my physical and mental state. Note to self: Go to bed earlier. It's my sister's party today so I'm going to save my words for tomorrow, when typing will probably be about the only activity my poor body is capable of. That, and munching on bacon sandwiches between frequent trips to the lavvie. Isn't that a lovely image? It's 23 degrees and sunny. Where are my shorts and shades?
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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12,May,2004
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Has London been recently struck by a plague of birth defects? I ask because there seems to be a spate of folk abroad lately with one leg shorter than the other. This is the only way I can explain the strange behaviour of a whole underclass of citizens who simply cannot walk in a straight line! What the hell is wrong with these people? Is it too much to ask that they just select a point in space and aim for it? Is something awry in their inner ear which is affecting their balance? Or is it just sheer bloody-mindedness that makes them drop their shoulder like a premiership footballer, feint left, shimmy right, then BARGE RIGHT INTO ME!?! Bastards! Today while running I got knocked over FOUR times! Also a guy came up to me and asked for a pen. Why would I have a pen? I'M JOGGING! Jesus! School today was lovely. Harvey Jarvis, that most tramp-like of art-teachers, was nice to me about my lesson despite the delightful 8GR pouring cellulose paste all over the floor. They tried my patience with their chuntering and their newspaper-flapping antics, but my Jedi skills saw me through in the end. After that my mentor Alastair signed off like a gazillion standards, even though I'm sure I haven't got evidence for any of them. You can bet I'll be finding it at the weekend, though. Finally, I discovered that next week is Exam Week and so I almost literally have NO LESSONS! This is the best news EVER! I can do my portfolio in peace and maybe even my essays as well. I am uber-chuffed. Good old Asskiss! Last night on the radio some dude was talking about Blog Activism, this pseudo-movement whereby folk whinge about Bush, Blair, globalisation, etc. through the medium of Blogger and other similar publishing services. Fair play to these guys, but I feel mildly aggrieved at the dismissive tone they used when referring to non-political bloggers, as though they're some less meaningful form of fish in the big internet pond. I'm happy in my Blog Inactivism, thanks very much. I hate what's going on in the world right now with the heat of a nova, but this blog isn't about that. It's about some good old fashioned mithering, and me trying hard to defy my genes and be funny. And can't see anything wrong with that. So bugger off, Blog Fascists. I fart in your general direction. Today has been a bit ranty. Zen tomorrow, I promise.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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10,May,2004
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So much news today I don't even know where to begin. First, you may have noticed a few changes... Yes, I couldn't resist the zingy new templates. I tried to stave off the temptation of their clean lines and pretty colours, but I just couldn't help myself. They made eyes at me and whimpered like labrador puppies in a pet shop window, and I caved like the big ol' sissy I am. Unfortunately the Haloscan commenting is gone, and I can't backdate the new system, but have no fear- I have all your witty repartee stored neatly away in a Word file at the back of my hard drive. I will look back on it fondly, one day when I am really, really bored. Thanks be to Chris, who deployed his razor-sharp HTML acumen to help me restore my links, and has therefore been rewarded with his own. I trust he'll be changing his URL as soon as he reads this, so get there while you can. Today Carla came in and boosted up my ego no end. She said lovely things about my monoprinting lesson and, although she disappointingly didn't wink at anyone today, she did redeem herself by telling me off for working too hard! Apparently I'm destined for some kind of embolism if I carry on working till 1am every night. Who knew? I have been told to limit my dedication to more sensible hours, and so I shall. As of tomorrow I shall be not so much teacher as Zen Master. A veritable Art and Design Jedi, suffused with calmness, and serenity, and the ability to move small starfighters using only the power of my mind. Do, or do not. There is no try.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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10,May,2004
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Oh holy McGherkins, this new Blogger business has really thrown my wenus out of whack! Do I want a new template? Do I not want one? Can I stand to lose all your lovely comments? If I install Blogger comments should I get rid of the Haloscan ones? It's all too much! My head's gonna go pop like that guy in Scanners and make a mess all over my desk. Which is bad cos I just dusted. I need someone to take my decisions for me since I am clearly not to be trusted on my own. Askes today was resplendent in sunshine and the kids were doing their GCSE exams, so most of the day was spent lounging around. I monoprinted my hand in the afternoon. Badly, I might add. Carla is coming tomorrow but somehow I can't seem to care. She can only jingle her bangles at me and refuse to wink, which is heartbreaking, but I'll struggle on somehow or other. Alastair has told me that I need to 'streamline' my lesson plans for the sake of my sanity. Ha! Now I can ditch the second page of the bastard things and blame my flagrant lack of differentiation planning on him. I love this school! We have provisionally booked our wedding! It is really going to happen! This is amazing but also butt-clenchingly scary. And, with the perverse symmetry that seems to find its way into everything me and Hav do, the date has come up as Friday 13th August . The superstitious will not be attending, it seems, although we have arranged for a small army of black cats to accompany us down the aisle. I hate ending my posts. Dr. Doogie always had a witty parting shot, or a poignant moral musing. I just have full stops. If you're lucky
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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09,May,2004
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These are the things I have done today which aren't work. 1) Went to Tesco's 2) Ran 6 miles or so. 3) Called my mum and dad, sister, Hav (twice). 4) Won the treble (League, FA cup and Champion's League) on Fifa Soccer on World Class setting. 5) Developed killer concept for off-the-wall post-ironic superhero comic book. A blockage has developed between my neural doo-dahs and my wotsit cortex which prevents me physically from doing any work. It's a disease! Do you think I can get mitigating circumstances and an extension? In a slightly scary but still very exciting development, me and Hav have decided to bring the wedding of the century (OURS, you arse) forward a year. Yes that's right, it's THIS SUMMER! Using the sort of logic only we can employ, we have decided that it's less stressful this way. There was a whole thought process behind this but it is quite retarded and schizophrenic, so let's just say that we couldn't wait any longer. We couldn't, anyway. So put your holiday plans on hold, folks. Start your diet, look out for a hat, find your dancing shoes and your best underwear, cos an invitation may just be winging it's way to you sometime soon. If we don't have a nervous breakdown before the day comes round, it'll probably be pretty good fun. 6) Wrote this blog. Later. x.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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22,May,2004
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Tired and emotional today. The vocab on my internal whiteboard is as follows: Grumpiness, whining, tetchiness, snappishness, arse. This afternoon me and Hav ventured out into London Village to buy wedding-related materials, and I turned into a woman. For absolutely ages I've been bemoaning the female tendency to insert their feet into contraptions which might, in other circumstances, be considered a violation of human rights. I just can't understand quite what the attraction is of a shoe which slowly, over the course of an evening, shreds all the skin from your pinky toe while simultaneously unhooking the achilles tendon from its moorings, leaving you effectively crippled. Why do you do this to yourselves? It's MADNESS. Except that, this afternoon, I did the exact same thing. I wore this pair of Converse-style plimsole things that I bought a while ago, and which I really like. But they have super-thin soles, and after two hours traipsing round London's finest confetti outlets, I was losing the will to live. I dunno what it is about pain in your feet, but it's an agony which tears at your very soul until you want to gouge out an eye just to distract yourself from the continuous, throbbing ache. I was not a nice person to know until we'd dragged ourselves home and tea had been administered. So I hold my hands up. Lesson learned. No more will I be snide and unsympathetic to the women in my life when they have tottered around for six hours on three inch heels and can't hack the walk home from Brick Lane. I salute your powers of endurance, and shall phone for a taxi forthwith. The good news is we bought some lovely favour boxes and confetti. You lucky, lucky people.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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18,May,2004
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Tonight on Later With Jools Holland , the poet Roger McGough said: The best thing about being famous is, Walking down the street, And people turning around to look at you, And bumping into things. Fucking genius. I've spent the better part of the day holed up in a wee corner of Asskiss Towers, churning out the trickiest half of my essay on assessment. It's a matter of great frustration to me that I can't seem to write an essay in a couple of hours like other people. Most students I know can quite literally just sit down and type the things. They squeeze it, toothpaste-like out of their brains and onto the page. With me it's an exercise in slow and painful construction. Paragraphs and sentences get slotted together and swung into place like weighty girders. Only when the whole thing is halfway built can I start to see how wrong it is, and exactly how it should be torn down and replaced from the ground up. Matters today weren't helped by a coven of squawking Institute of Education harpies who had selected the Trainee's Workroom as a venue for gossip exchange. They described their social lives to eachother and therefore also me in painfully explicit detail all day long. My jaw still aches from long hours of grinding my teeth while trying to resist the temptation to bludgeon them to death with Educating Artistic Vision by Elliot Eisner. Cows. Today's hero of the day is Andrew Strauss, for making 112 runs on debut, the first person to score a century in his first Test match for England since Graham Thorpe in 1993. Nobody reading will give two hoots about this, but cricket is a thing very close to my heart, and this made me absurdly happy for a bit this afternoon. Today's Obtuse Twat of the day is Morrissey, for being lyrically unsurpassable but socially intolerable. If I saw this guy I wouldn't know whether to shake his hand or punch his lights out. What an arsehole. The weekend beckons. Fuck the weekend, I'm going to bed.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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18,May,2004
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A freakish day on public transport today. At New Cross Gate, a driver actually stopped his train to let me get on! This is UNHEARD OF! London tube drivers are infamously miserable, usually because their gammy ankles are killing them after last night's squash. This guy is obviously still learning the ropes, but he quite restored my faith in humanity. Then, later, when I got off the train at London Bridge, I found a ball point pen which did not belong to me clipped to the outside of my breast pocket. How the hell did it get there? And why? Is there some kind of reverse pickpocket abroad in London Town? Maybe it's a terrorist pen filled to brimming with sarin nerve ink. I had better be careful. I might just keep it in the fridge for now. Life at Asskiss has been going quite well, really, but I'm beginning to wonder if this is a good thing. All my lessons so far have been fine, which of course I'm chuffed about, but it also seems to have convinced the staff that I am some kind of teaching machine, with bionic boardmarker fingers and an in-built encyclopedia of monoprinters past and present. The pay-off came today, when mentor Alastair gave me a thinly veiled telling off after what I thought was a halfway decent lesson. He just said it was a 'a bit uninspired' or something. So the ante has well and truly been upped. Now I'm required to be Superteacher every single lesson or it's rapped knuckles all round. Maybe I should just be really crap for a few weeks so they can revise their expectations downwards, and we can start over again from scratch. It shouldn't be too hard since it seems I've already started down the quick and easy path. As we all know, once that happens, forever will it dominate my destiny... ..But I AM off to my desk now to do resource illustrations, so perhaps there is hope for me yet.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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17,May,2004
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Phew, what a scorcher! A grand day to have a birthday, I’m saying. My favourite sister is away in far-flung Watford, but today is celebrating her big two-four! Oh. My. God! How did we both get to be so OLD!?! Anyway, in honour of her inimitable Anna-ness, here’s a special Top Five memories of my Little Sis: 1) When my dad got a little bit over-enthusiastic with the garden swing and catapulted her six feet, chin first onto a concrete path. Tears, blood, stitches, all kinds of recriminations. A shining Bird family moment, I think. 2) When I broke my toy sword by hitting Anna with it, then told Mum that SHE had broken it on purpose. She got confined to bedroom for hours. I got off scot-free. I still feel guilty. 3) When she used to suck her fingers. Her little finger used to wiggle back and forth, even when she was asleep. Adorable, really. 4) On long car journeys when she used to take all her clothes off and put them on the Polly the doll, who was roughly the same size as she was. 5) I don’t actually remember this, because I was only two at the time, but I think it’s sweet, in a slightly creepy way. Apparently when Anna was born, my Dad brought me to see Mum and her at the hospital, and when I looked into the cot and saw her, I said ‘God bless you little Anna’. Nobody told me to say this apparently, and no-one knows where it came from, especially since we’re not religious in our family at all. Weird, huh? But cute. Well that was quite embarrassing for both of us, I think. I’ll go now and try to redeem myself by doing some work. Enjoy the sunshine, people. Get it while you can!
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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16,May,2004
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Today has been a cumulative hangover day- one of those ones where you wake up feeling okay and slowly get worse throughout the day until, by 4 o’clockish, you feel like someone has scooped out your brain with a spoon and poured some molasses and gravy in instead, and then spiked your coffee with valium. Last night’s party fun went down at The Ten Bells in Shoreditch, which is one of those fashionably manky pubs (or ‘shithole chic’, if you prefer) that’s full of mouldering furniture and bemulleted folk in camouflage clothing. We had the upstairs room, which Anna managed to fill with a whole bunch of her mates, plus assorted hangers-on dragged in by me and Hav. We had cake and iced gems and party rings and pink wafers, washed down with lashings and lashings of beer. And a good time was, I think, had by all. I certainly enjoyed myself, anyway. Here’s wishing my little sister a happy birthday for tomorrow. My physical condition has put work out of the question for today. I went to the park for a bit with Nils but I found that outside was a bit fresh-airy and overpopulated so I went back indoors after an hour. School tomorrow seems like a distant dream. I might ‘forget’ to set my alarm and just sleep on through till lunchtime. Do you think that would constitute ‘cause for concern’?
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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29,May,2004
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Today was meant to be spent hunched over, typing like a demon in the shadow of teetering piles of text books, grinding my teeth as black coffee flooded my system through intravenous drip-feed. Instead, some higher power has sent me a gang of recently graduated design students with a stack of kung-fu movies on DVD and a penchant for computer generated violence. It's so hard to resist the lure of the living room settee and those ergonomic controllers that fit so neatly into the hand... So much easier to conquer pixelated worlds than to overcome 2500 words on educating the able in New Cross. I am so WEAK! This morning I hauled myself into town to buy books and discovered the marvellousness that is Foyles. Why has nobody told me about this place before? There it sits, like a poor relation opposite the shiny corporateness of Borders, looking like just another of those cheap-ass bookstores, when actually, it's like ten Waterstones stacked one on top of the other, so filled to bursting is it with wordy wonders. And the art section is HUGE! I shall never frequent another chain-store again. I also saw Brian, the erstwhile Big Brother star and occasional TV presenter at Liverpool Street station earlier. He was orange, and chubby, with a daft hairdo. That was my first London celeb-spot in three years, unless you count Lee Hurst on Bethnal Green Road, but he lives here, so I reckon that's kind of cheating. Anyway, I think it's sad that Brian's gone a bit to seed, but touching that he still takes the tube like normal people. If I was famous there's no fucking way you'd get me on the Central Line anymore until they fix the air conditioning. Celebrity culture is arse, but London Transport are top of my list of People Who Will Be First to Get It When the Revolution Comes. Wankers. I must away. The kitchen is calling. Happy Saturday, one and all.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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26,May,2004
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The queue for the bathroom is long and winding. There was once a time when I could get up at nine on a Saturday and comfortably expect three hours of peace and quiet before any of my various housemates dragged their sorry carcasses up to bother me. Not so now. This morning all manner of lodgers and scroungers are here and all of them are between me and a nice hot bath. I feel so dirty. I have to get dressed and go into town. I have to buy educational literature and start an essay about Gifted and Talented children, supported by 'considerable school-based research' of which I have done none. GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM BEFORE I RITUALLY DISEMBOWEL YOU! *Makes them all a nice cup of tea*
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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26,May,2004
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I’m experiencing a kind of peculiar laid-backness. I don’t know what it is, but there’s this odd kind of faith, suddenly, that everything will be okay, and everything will get done, somehow, if I just don’t think about it too hard. I haven’t really considered the approaching horrors of this essay-tastic weekend very seriously for a couple of days now. Maybe they call this denial, or maybe the auto-pilot has finally kicked in. Maybe I’ve reached some higher plane of teaching insight. Or maybe I’ve just got to the point where I couldn’t give a shit. Whatever the reason, it’s quite nice. I’m working with it while it lasts.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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25,May,2004
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Another night of resourcing and job applications comes to an end. Despite Carla’s protests that I’m working too hard, I still haven’t been able to contrive to finish any earlier than half past ten this week. Maybe her day has more hours in it than mine. I suspect she doesn’t sleep. Today I taught the same lesson to 9GG as I did last week. Back then, if you remember, it was ‘not quite your best lesson, Rob’, or something like that. This week, however, it was ‘seriously good’. NO IT BLOODY WASN’T! IT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME! My mentor is a lovely bloke, but I think art teaching is the fastest route to schizophrenia. I know I’m nearly halfway there, and I’ve only just started. My career seems to be going nowhere fast already though. Where the bollocks are my interviews? My supporting statement wasn’t that bad, surely? Anna came round tonight for tea and inane chit-chat with me and Nils. We regaled her with nonsense about the internet and How to Become a Dark Lord of the Sith in Twelve Simple Steps, not to mention the knotty problem of whether a drib is bigger than a drab, or not. Sorry Sis. I’m off to play Gamecube till bedtime. Which isn’t long. Fucksake.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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25,May,2004
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I can tell when my music is too loud cos the speakers shake my remote controls off the TV table and onto the floor. There they go right now! Somewhere out there, there’s a London Electric operative that I would dearly like to meet. I dragged my ass up to White Hart Lane from New Cross this afternoon- which isn’t a short journey- only to find that the venue for the dreaded TTA Skills Tests was an electricity-free zone. Not a watt of power to be found on the premises. God knows when I’m going to take the things now. Still, the up-side of this is that I got to come home and watch England complete a seven-wicket walloping of New Zealand, which was very satisfying indeed. What is it about cricket? I can understand why people ask. This is a game, after all, where two teams can play for five days, at the end of which there’s still every possibility that nobody wins. It’s old-fashioned, conservative, stuffy, frustrating, slow and near-impossible to understand without investing hours immersing yourself in its eccentricities. But that, right there, is precisely what I love about it. This is a game with depth. It has so many dimensions, and so many permutations, and it’s steeped in history, and character and weirdness. Hearing good old Richie Benaud telling the story of the Timeless Test, and the Six Sixes, and the Bodyline Series is like the sporting equivalent of a fairytale. They are crazy, nonsensical yarns of mythical feats which, in actual fact, were achieved by ordinary men who are still alive and well and (mostly) living in Australia. In an effort to understand why I just don’t hear what she says to me when the close of play scores come on the radio, Hav has suggested that we try to go to a test match together. Poor girl doesn’t know what she’s letting herself in for. After six hours of me trying to explain what a googly is and why exactly a right-handed batsman can’t be out LBW when the ball pitches outside leg, I’m pretty sure the experiment will be over. But it’s a nice thought. There’s a whole deluge of work coming my way this weekend. *Deep breath* One week to half term…
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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04,June,2004
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This morning I'm listening to Radio One and, unexpectedly, I seem to have missed it. Now usually, my radio goes between XFM for the indie thing and 5 Live for the news and sport thing, and that's about it. That way, I get all the current affairs nourishment that a growing boy needs, and I get to accompany it with the angst-ridden whingy rock soundtrack that the state of the world today demands. Neat huh? Except that I find this morning that there's a whole other planet out there, in which hip hop and r+b and slightly more mainstream but still halfway decent music is happening, mainly around the vicinity of the buxom and shiny Ms. Jo Whiley, who, after all, is a part of my childhood and deserves respect. (Nobody can pull off those long sentences quite like me, no?) Also, it strikes me that the problem with genre radio stations is this: When all that you listen to is your favourite kind of music, the quality of that music no longer has any relevance. If you aren't forced to listen to three minutes of tooth-rattling Eurotrance every twenty minutes, then Radiohead just aren't quite the same band. Know thine enemy, that's what I'm saying. So I'm keepin' it locked on One for a while, just to see what the real world is like. I may restore my jangly guitar blinkers at a later date, but I feel I'll be a wiser, better person when I do. This morning a real life hunchback walked by outside my flat. All human life is here, in Bethnal Green. Come down. We'll have coffee. You bring the bourbons.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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03,June,2004
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What colour is Prince? Is he: a)Black b)White, but tanned c)Asian d)Mixed race e)Purple It's not a trick question. I'm just curious. For the last few days my life has been a particularly miserable, murky shade of browny-grey. The sort of thing that Turner might have used in one of his more unpleasant-looking storms, but nothing that you'd really want to paint on the living room wall, if you know what I mean. Today a whole gaggle of family and friends and generally lovely people injected some much needed sunshine. I thank you. Now everything will probably be okay. I love you all. x.
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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02,June,2004
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Today has been, officially, unequivocally, undeniably, just shit. Can we have tomorrow now?
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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31,May,2004
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It is a truth universally acknowledged that a gentleman in posession of an approaching deadline must be plagued by legions of freaking people who want to get pissed round his yard. Can nobody rid me of this turbulent flat?
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3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
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Aquarius
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30,May,2004
|
As an adjunct to earlier diatribes about essay writing: Why in God's name do school essays have to be so DULL ? If they asked me to answer the following... 1) Is there any point in Art and Design education? 2) Is drawing more important than other disciplines in Art and Design? 3) Practical work is more important than theoretical in Art and Design education. Discuss. 4) GCSE assessment fails to establish a coherent standard for excellence in Art and Design. Discuss. 5) Students should be banned from studying Monet and Munch. Discuss. ...I could write REAMS. I would study my considerable ass off, because, quite frankly, these questions are fascinating. They are topical and relevant, and they have the potential to invite some kind of empassioned, personal response. I would give my right arm, (or at least my most neatly trimmed fingernail) to be handed any of these titles. Writing about them would be easy, and interesting, and a pleasure. I like writing, after all. The time I put daily into typing out this shit is testament to the fact that putting words down on paper is not that much of a chore. But when you have to regurgitate other people's opinions throughout 2000 words of safe, predictable blandness, you're not so much writing as you are simply salving the collective consciences of your college tutors. Which is a waste of my motherfucking time. No wonder the kids can't wait to leave school.
|
3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
|
Aquarius
|
12,June,2004
|
Right, here's the state of play. I've got just under 48 hours, and the following things to do: 1) Make the concertina book 2) Watch some cricket 3) Hang out with Hav 4) Complete and start to send out our wedding invites 5) Sleep 6) Mount the remainder of my exhibition stuff 7) Watch England trounce the French in Euro 2004 8) Celebrate this 9) Sleep No messing around. This time it's personal. This crazy-ass course is not gonna break me. I am a man of iron. I have a mighty and unbreakable spirit and I shall overcome. Here I go. Raaaahhhhh!
|
3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
|
Aquarius
|
10,June,2004
|
At 7pm despair had set in. Five hours, thirty minutes, 20 wedding invitations, one show invitation, two emails, four phone calls, one set of homeworks and two exhibition boards later, things seem a wee bit less grim. Mindless mechanical graft is the answer, I guess. Is that good or bad?
|
3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
|
Aquarius
|
09,June,2004
|
I just ate a satsuma, and then found that the inside of the peel was mouldy. The significance of this is threefold: 1) It's bloody peculiar. 2) It means I just ate mould. 3) It's pretty much in keeping with the mood of my day so far. I FORGOT ABOUT THE CONCERTINA BOOK! How could I let this happen? My carefully planned schedule of wedding things and standards and mounting for exhibitions and collecting work is all to shit in a wheelbarrow. It all goes to show that quite frankly, my head is not in the game right now. The summer has begun, and the little man who works the levers in my head is clearly on holiday, his post abandoned in favour of footie and cricket and beer garden fun. I can't blame him, but it does leave the rest of me rather exposed, if, just for instance, I have to take charge of thirty-odd rebellious teenagers for an hour and forty minutes at a time. But of course, that will never happen, right? Congratulations to those of you who braved the Death Clock but I just can't face it. What if it tells me I'm going to pop off next week? I was holding out for a dignified heart attack at around eighty not out, followed by some hurried cryogenic procedures and a prolonged, Futurama-style head-in-a-jar renaissance, allowing me to teach A-level in space to sixth-formers with more tentacles than I would have teeth remaining. If this doesn't prove to be the case, I will be sorely miffed, if not sorely missed. Concertina book. Shit. *Breaks down and weeps*
|
3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
|
Aquarius
|
08,June,2004
|
I find myself in a state of some frustration. This 'last four weeks' business is doing my head right in. When half term ended, and essays were handed in, and snooze-inducing lectures attended and reunion beers drunk, I kind of, sort of, thought that This would be It. Stupid, stupid me. Now I find my head so full of loose ends you'd think my brain was made of spaghetti. I can't get any focus, any follow-through. My life is a whirl of iddy-biddy, fiddly, nurdly, niggly bits of STUFF that need doing, and trying to get them done is like trying to catch water in a seive. What I need is a metaphorical bucket. So I looked on Google, and Google offered me... ...A urlLink Death Clock , to tell me when I was going to kick the... Jesus.
|
3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
|
Aquarius
|
06,June,2004
|
Today the Bird and Mustafa families converged for in-depth wedding planning and barbecue fun. It may have gone okay. I'm too exhausted to fully comprehend. This weekend has been crazyapeshitmentalnuts. Asskiss tomorrow sounds like restful bliss in comparison. There are only THREE jobs left in the TES, and they are all ha-way down south. What is to become of me next year?
|
3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
|
Aquarius
|
06,June,2004
|
Once upon a time weekends were endless oceans of unfillable time that you could almost literally swim in. Now, you blink and they're gone. I feel that as you get older, so weekends should become longer. It's only fair, if you think about it, that your extra responsibilities and logistical intricacies are offset by, say, an extra twelve hours lying around time. If we were being really organised we could employ some young folk to pick up the slack, thus creating work experience opportunities for all the draw-smoking chavs that populate our streets every weekend. They've clearly got nothing better to do, so why can't they teach my Monday 3+4? The kids couldn't possibly learn any less than they do with me. Today me and Hav got up and diligently applied ourselves to wedding arrangements. We now have a catering company, which is very big news, and a big pile of beautifully home-made invitations which may, if we can afford the stamps, be winging their way down your way real soon. What a team we are! And speaking of teams... I just watched England spank Iceland 6-1 and I'd love to be excited for them, but quite honestly, I just can't muster the belief. We're playing FRANCE, everyone! Yes THAT France! The one with that monk-looking geezer in midfield who pulls off all the fancy shit, and that good lookin' boy up front who knows Animal and plays for a club side it's impossible to beat. France who won the World Cup. France who have not less than five guys in their team who are THE BEST IN THE WORLD in their position. France, who, unless miracles happen, are going to royally trounce us without shedding so much as a bead of garlic-perfumed sweat. It's David (Beckham) against Goliath. The gourmet against the gormless. It's just not going to happen, and that's that. Except that... Oh fuck it. Come on England!
|
3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
|
Aquarius
|
15,June,2004
|
I'm eating toast with cheese on it at 11 o'clock and not a lesson have I planned. This must be what they call decadence. Two days of exhibition hanging have taken their toll. I feel as if my very soul has spraymount all over it. I have lost most of my bodily fluids through pant sweatage, and somehow I have bruised my arse. How did that happen? I'm trying not to remember. All this being the case, I've decided that I deserve a night off and I'm bloody well having one. Tomorrow I will be teaching without lesson plans, visual resources or a safety net, and the delightful boys and girlies of 8GG and 8GR will just have to understand. Actually, getting them to understand anything is usually the problem, but we'll not get into that right now. It's been a while since I've been here, so let's just take a moment to take stock of the shittiness of this weekend. 1) The football: Two minutes of freakish stupidity reduced me to tears on Sunday night. As injury time began, a night of foolhardy drunken celebration beckoned. I was even looking forward to triumphant hangover spraymounting the following day. Then the man with the world's stupidest haircut did his stuff and snatched it all away. A little bit of me died right there, in The Pleasure Unit, Bethnal Green Road. But it might perk up again if we sort out the Swiss on Thursday. How fickle am I? 2) The European Elections: What. The. Fuck? Surely I have woken up in a parallel universe, because it seems we have entrusted a shocking amount of power and influence to a bunch of bigoted ignorami, led by the Embodiment of Living Cheese. Robert Kilroy Silk, talkshow host, acknowledged racist, acknowledged tosser. A man who shows all the signs of having been carved out of red leicester by the Chapman Brothers when they were on a particularly bad trip. This guy is on his way to Brussels with ELEVEN of his best trained monkeys with the loudly declared mission of 'wrecking' the European democratic process. Well done folks. I hope you're proud of yourselves. It can only get better from here.
|
3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
|
Aquarius
|
13,June,2004
|
Oh fuck the exhibition! Fuck everything. Suddenly my only happiness this weekend depends on eleven men in and red and white. If there's anybody up there, anyone at all... please let us win. Pleaaassse?
|
3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
|
Aquarius
|
23,June,2004
|
There's an ill wind blowing in Bethnal Green. Quite literally. I know cos it just nearly blew me off of my feet on the way to the postbox. It nicely parallels the mood of this week, though. The times they are a changin'... I'm hanging on the event horizon of the big black hole that is the end of the course. My brain seems to have gone into total lockdown. For three days now my standards folder has sat unopened on my desk, beaming out bad vibes like a thing posessed. If I ever do get it together to open the thing up, I'm pretty sure I'll see the fire of damnation burning in a distant dimension and hear the voice of a thousand unearthly spirits hissing the word 'Zoooouuulll'. In our kitchen, the manky eggs that have been sat on the counter for the last month will spontaneously jump out of their box and fry on the worktop, and since Bill Murray and Dan Ackroyd live in Hollywood and are getting a bit long in the tooth for crossing the streams, not a soul on earth will be able to save me. From somewhere, somehow, I have to summon the will for one last push for the finish line. I'm a bit tired. Maybe tomorrow.
|
3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
|
Aquarius
|
20,June,2004
|
One week, three days, three skills tests, fifty-odd standards, one career development profile, one KS3 Strategy essay and a partridge in a pear tree. That's all that stands between me and PGCE finality, QTS status glory. Holy shit. This time in two weeks it will all be over. What the hell am I going to do? Sleep, probably. Today has been spent up to my elbows in wee little boxes and grids, filling out application forms like a bastard. I've done seven. SEVEN! That's good going by anyone's standards. Judging by my own recent work ethic it's a bloody miracle. Surely, surely, one of those puppies has my name on it?
|
3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
|
Aquarius
|
09,July,2004
|
It's been so long since I've been here, I've almost forgotten what to do, and so much stuff has happened, I hardly know what to write. In the past two weeks the following things have happened: 1) I got a job. 2) PGCE came to it's final, shuddering halt. 3) I had a few days off, for the first time in God Only Knows How Long. 4) I started my job. 5) My computer finally shuffled off its electronic coil, taking with it five years' worth of my work, and most of my major lines communication with the rest of the universe. So it's a whole entire, strange new world which greets me as I roll out of my bed these days. I'm feeling very disorientated and I'd very much like to work through my issues in the public arena, where all you kids out there can point and laugh, etc. Unfortunately it doesn't look like I'm going to be able to replace the PC anytime soon, so my blogging may be pretty sporadic for the forseeable future. Right now I'm snatching a few quiet minutes on a very shiny school Mac (I so want one of these), but I can't see it being a regular occurrence. Never mind. You all should have better things to do. I'll be back. x.
|
3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
|
Aquarius
|
29,July,2004
|
Today, quite frankly, I have been a lazy bum. Not a useful thing have I done, apart from run around the park, near drowning in my own sweat, which serves no purpose but to satisfy my own vanity. I think there will be a cummerbund to go with my dinner jacket on the wedding night, but I'd like to be wearing it out of choice, y'know? I have watched so much cricket lately I'm surprised the BBC haven't asked me to commentate. I am clearly an expert and my insight is going to waste. I am now about to book a really posh hotel for my wedding night. Go me!
|
3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
|
Aquarius
|
27,July,2004
|
Who knew there was an internet cafe at the end of my street? Not me, obviously, otherwise I would have been here every day for the last three weeks, wouldn't I? Now that I'm here again I find that there isn't a whole lot to write about. It's a very laid back and solitary existence that I now lead. There's still much to be done for the wedding, but we're getting through it all a bit at a time, one or two things every day, so now I feel like probably it will all be alright, and nobody will die of food poisoning or leave early due to boredom, or just not turn up at all because they were supposed to have got an invite but we forgot. (If I have forgotten to invite you please leave an angry protest in the comments box. Thank you.) For the wedding day I have ordered myself a natty grey three-piece number with a lilac tie. For the reception I'll be in full James Bondesque tuxedo regalia. I am moderately concerned that I have not tried or even seen either of these outfits, but instead merely pointed to them in a catalogue and filled out the appropriate form. What if the suit has the ass cut out of its trousers and 'Big Boy' spelled out on the back of the jacket in rhinestones? I'll wear it anyway, of course, but what will I say to my Gran? Tomorrow me and Hav are off to sign the contract on the best and most exciting upshot of the whole wedding extravaganza- our new flat. Yes, folks, finally the two of us will get to take our petty squabbling and our sickmaking public displays of affection out of your faces and put them behind our very own front door, where they belong. We've been waiting for this for about three years and I'm so chuffed about it I can't even begin to tell you. We're moving to Kilburn, which is WestSide, innit, near to Hampstead and Willesden Green and other leafy places on the shiny Jubilee Line. We're on the top floor of a big townhouse which we have already begun to redecorate in our heads and which some of you may be invited to if you are very good and lucky. Our landlord is called Kaiser. Yikes. Other exciting news- We have booked our mini-moon! We haven't got time this summer to move into the new place AND go away for two weeks AND me get ready for a new job, so our honeymoon proper will be happening in October. In the meantime, though, we're off to ScotchLand for two days to stay in a castle! How very 4 Weddings! I'm extra excited! I hope we will be seeing ghostly bagpipers and cows with big horns and no eyes. I have to go now cos my time is running out. I will probably be back tomorrow. I've missed my blog so much it's just sad. Bye bye. x.
|
3,182,776 |
male
| 26 |
Education
|
Aquarius
|
05,August,2004
|
So the news is that I am officially a teacher. The good old University of Greenwich told me, so it must be true. They also sent me a dinky little letter of commendation. Does this mean I am 'outstanding'? Who knows? I'm not that bothered anymore. This time a week tomorrow I will be a married man, and my bird will be Mrs Bird. Now for some men, this kind of statement is prone to induce fits of uncontrollable sweating and shaking, accompanied by fevered visions of beer undrunk, birds unshagged, possibilities of bachelordom as yet unexplored. Strangely, though, I'm not currently experiencing any of these symptoms. In fact, I'm more nervous about the potentially disastrous health consequences of my stag do than I am about hitching myself up forever and a day. To be honest, I'm really looking forward to all of it, apart from maybe my speech, which I haven't written yet, and the bit where I have to dance in front of people, which will of course be judiciously cut from any wedding videos lest the BBFC deem these too scary for public display. The thing is, I think, that me and Hav have been together for four years nearly. In all of that time, we've been living in separate houses, hamstrung by various parents and housemates and courses and jobs and religion and culture and time and distance and circumstance. So this, at last, is when we finally get to be together, just the two of us, for good and all. And I find that I just can't wait for it to happen. And, yes, I'm sure that there will be arguments and money troubles and washing up and putting out the rubbish etc, etc. This is, of course, life. But at least it will be life together . And that's a much better kind, if you ask me. Which you can, in a month or so, and I'll tell you all about it. x.
|
3,438,455 |
female
| 15 |
indUnk
|
Capricorn
|
24,May,2004
|
hahaha..just saw liowliow's blog..so nice lor!!! i oso want to come here play!!! haha...actually i tried to have one like last yr..but failed terribly cos i'm a computer illiterate...haiz..so i gave up...but nvm this time i will have e determination!!! yes!!!! if i nv try i'll nv learn!! haha... i feel stupid toking to myself...ahhhh...perhaps im just inexperienced in typing online..haha.. i prefer writing one lar..but nvm come here play play.. ahhh i need someone to teach me!! after this i oso dunno wad to do!!! ahhhh
|
3,438,455 |
female
| 15 |
indUnk
|
Capricorn
|
21,June,2004
|
haha dunno why im back here again..when i decided earlier to give this whole thing up.. oooh and liow posted a comment! ahhaha guess she's e only person who noes bout this stupid thing.haha..feeling bored now... just came back from piano..and my piano teacher's nuts!! she just told me my exam is on 19 july!! goodness like im so unprepared lor! ahhh i dowan to fail!! argh nvm must practise moreeee came back from sch too..was studying..no doing hw..haha..wif mel, xiao lee, chieh, dorinda an me! hahah i was telling them jokes from this 1001 cool jokes book i found on the table we were sitting at...and its so damn funny lor! hahaha.. like there was this lame qn.. can february march? then the ans was: no, but april may..hahah so damn lame and funny lor! then got another one... What do you call a vampire who is single? A bat-chelor...hahah nvm amusing myself yeah still got tonss of hw left..dunno how im ever going to finish.. was supposed to study for prelims too lor! wad the hell..now can't even finish hw..haiz..pga has been taking up too much of my time! results going to be out on thurs..miss j's gonna call...just like for the interview..haiz..the suspense...but glad 5 of them passed oredy..cos their tester told them..oh the camp was fr 14-16.. and my tester tested only me lor! haiz..really dunno if i pass lar..but hope everyone passes! yeah...budden the be prepared round is another difficult part.. ahhhhh nvm shall just let nature take its course.. yah the camp was fun! i learnt many many things...skills wise, character wise..and the best thing of all, i made lotsa friends! yeah... it was fulfilling.. :) okie...shall end here..see if im ever gonna come back here..ahah
|
3,438,455 |
female
| 15 |
indUnk
|
Capricorn
|
12,June,2004
|
haiz im super stressed!!! feeling bored now..thou i shouldnt be..cos there are so many things i have to do..nvm it'll all be over by next wed..yeah..the stress... shant think too much... oh anyway everyone shd go to this website! www.foreverfriends.co.uk its sooo sweet lor! esp all the wallpapers...every single pic there just melts my heart lor!! ahhhh..feel like printing all of them and making them into cards! thanks bin for introducing it to me! ahhh hahah i feel so overwhelmed! nway i don feel like its e hols at alL! like haven been down to hw at all.. apart fr a little maths which i did wif bin and ou ou at e romantic espalanade library..when the staff keep asking us to keep our stuff and ou ou act smart go take sum music books for us..to pretend to be reading... so fake lor! haha.. then she summore ask me go hide her slipper for her to find! so childish rite!! hahahaha :P ouou don scold me for revealing it! yeah nway cannot waste time liao! BYE!!
|
3,438,455 |
female
| 15 |
indUnk
|
Capricorn
|
02,July,2004
|
school has reopened...and 1 week has passed liao.. and i still have uncompleted holiday hw!! ahhh..nvm thats usual of me anywya..just that this time the hw's more! haiz.. i must really jia you lor! cannot be so slack and no prioritization anymore.. anyway had my be prepared test on the last sat of the hols.. 26 june.. and now im reallly really unsure about whether im going to pass...yah...its like normally i should be able to tell if i can pass or fail... but dis time i really cant!! ahhhh hate e suspense and fear and stuff..but im not too hopeful lar...cos i miscalculated my budget..and i dunno how big a problem it is in the testers' eyes..yah..my task was to plan a 2 day itinerary for 2 overseas vsitors who are guides, and must include food and attractions, budget of $50, explain choice of sites and give directions on how to get to the various places....and i was given 2 hrs...yah...the whole thing was quite messy..so luckily i was given a chance to present..or not my proposal would be a fail straight away..haiz.... but i realllly wanna thank kwa and liow.. for being so concerned!! haha..keep smsing me and asking me how it was.. i feel loved!! hahah and kwa esp.. you've been a greatt greatt help!! helping me wif simply everything and giving me the support and courage...aiyah wadeva i want to say i oredy said in the letter liao..haha yeah and i wanna thank the other MSUs: Dorinda, Joanna, Melissa, Chieh, Gracia, Wei Jie, Clara, Xiao Lee, Joyce, Peiyi!! yeah i wouldnt have been able to do anything by myself... Thanks so much (,') oh yes i keep getting bad omens that im gonna fail..i just had this vvvv bad dream last nite...ms j called my house at night..then told me some joke..trying to trick me bout sth..then later she told me that i did not pass my be prepared...yah....i still can remember the words lor...then dunno why all of us had to go back to some place..supposedly the guides hq though din look like it at all..nvm my dreams always create places and people one..haha... then the whole dream seemed sooo real lor...and from ny like only chieh and gracia passed i think..that's my dream lar... and i was so much more relieved after i woke up and realized it was just a dream..haiz...... really worried..but nvm cant do anything bout it now...shall concentrate on my studies and prelims!! yes! ok supposed to be online till 12...so i shall end here..shall make a more effective attempt at following my schedule...hahah byee
|
3,919,400 |
male
| 15 |
Student
|
Virgo
|
27,July,2004
|
Not even a week in college, n a LAFDA (a fight). There was this guy in college whom I didn't know but wanted to make friends. with our group. No one objected him but he sat behind me and started to disturb me. I warned him several times but to vein. The next day, same again. I am a very short tempered guy. I tried to be calm but could not. As soon as the professor went out of the class-room, I went up to him and gave him a very hard slap on his face. He started bleeding. He retaliated and started to scratch my face and at that very moment I gave him a second slap. Now he was bleeding really badly and he went off giving me a warning that he would beat me up with the help of seniors. Those warnings were that, just warnings. He couldn't do anything. I m fine but with a few scratches on my face.
|
3,919,400 |
male
| 15 |
Student
|
Virgo
|
19,July,2004
|
Not even a week in college, n a LAFDA (a fight). There was this guy in college whom i didnt know but wanted to make frnds. with our group. No one objected him but he sat behind me and started to diturb me. I warned him sveral times but to vein. The next day, same again. I am a very short tempered guy. I tried to be calm but could not. As soon as the professer went out of the class-room, I went up to him and gave him a very hard slap on his face. He started bleeding. He retaliated and started to scratch my face and at that very moment I gave him a second slap. Now he was vleeding really badly and he went off giving me a warning that he would beat me up with the help of seniors. Those warnings were that, just warnings. He couln't do anything. I m fine but with a few scrathes on my face.
|
3,919,400 |
male
| 15 |
Student
|
Virgo
|
19,July,2004
|
Hey ppl., College has satrted. This was my firsst day in college. It was good fun, for the first lecture the teacher didn't come. And we gat the last two lectures free as the electronics department will start later in the week. The college is good, but the class room feels a bit cramped. The ID - card is really good, n its hi-tech. And the main part is. There was just no ragging. Will keep u'll posted.
|
3,919,400 |
male
| 15 |
Student
|
Virgo
|
16,July,2004
|
I went to college t'day, to see my roll no. I saw my name in Biology but I wanted Electronics. My father is a very infuencial man, and he had used his influ. to transfer me to Electronics. And it worked. We went there and we paid the fees for Elec. So, I will again go tomm. to get ma new division n collect my identity card.
|
3,919,400 |
male
| 15 |
Student
|
Virgo
|
14,July,2004
|
Hey, I got admission but the college has not yet started. I hav got admission in Khalsa College. I have taken Science but have still not got vocational. Just keeping my fingers crossed. Well, on my first day to college I expect some ragging (i.e. troubling by my seniors). So, I wont take my cell-phone, cause they can use it to make lots of phonecalls, thus increasing ma bill. I wont even take lots of cash, just the absolute bare necesary.
|
3,919,400 |
male
| 15 |
Student
|
Virgo
|
29,July,2004
|
urlLink Orchird Garden urlLink
|
3,919,400 |
male
| 15 |
Student
|
Virgo
|
29,July,2004
|
urlLink Orcird Garden urlLink
|
3,919,400 |
male
| 15 |
Student
|
Virgo
|
29,July,2004
|
urlLink KL Bird Park urlLink
|
3,919,400 |
male
| 15 |
Student
|
Virgo
|
29,July,2004
|
urlLink KL Bird Park urlLink
|
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