ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
401	From now on when skinny girls say they're fat I'm just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
402	What did the homeless person say to the gay job interviewer when asked for his address? No home-o.
403	How many people with dementia does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side.
404	What type of fruit is not allowed to get married? Cantaloupe...
405	I like my women like I like my coffee... I don't fucking like coffee.
406	butts are truly the final frontier. to think we know more about SPACE than we do about the human butt. two fleshy mounds of mystery & wonder
407	I find like geologers make really good friends... ...they are very down to Earth.
408	I keep getting the urge to purchase a big white bear from the artic... ...Doc says I might have "Buy Polar" disorder! EDIT: arctic*
409	Heading to Chinatown after work... I heard it's Erection Day.
410	How do you get a gay man to fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt.
411	I want to start a coffee shop that only plays ambient/electronic music... and call it Brian Beano.
412	I like my girlfriend's new glow-in-the-dark braces... ...her smile really lights up the room now.
413	This bank pen tastes like it's been in a lot of other people's mouths
414	Redditors don't like this [Deleted]
415	Mom writes to her son in Poland's army: "Dear Son, I am writing this letter ever so slowly..... ....because I know you cannot read fast"
416	Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!
417	The best thing about adolescent humor... is that it never gets old!
418	I hate how the losers of every election maintain such a high view of themselves... They're conceded
419	I didn't see mommy kiss Santa, but my sister saw her kiss the mailman, which explains why I'm the only one with brown eyes in the family
420	Why did the vampire attack the clown? He wanted the circus to be in his blood.
421	"It's 5 o'clock somewhere." - a shitty watch.
422	How do I know when your sister's on her period..... Your dad's dick taste like blood
423	What do you call going Doctor to Doctor... What do you call going Doctor to Doctor to figure out what your inflammatory bowel disease is called? A Game of Crohn's.
424	What's the difference between a pizza and a black man? The pizza can feed a family of 4.
425	Knock knock. Who's there? Benjamin. Benjamin Who? Yes, Benjamin Netanya Who.
426	If you hear the words "oh yeah, suck it" coming from my bedroom, it's probably just me vacuuming.
427	A photon walks into a hotel The bell boy walks up and asks, "Do you have any luggage?". "No," says the photon, "I'm traveling light."
428	If your'e anxious and you know it..... ...clasp your hands.
429	its macaroni and cheese not macaroni and steve
430	People always complain that I'm "out there." [On the phone. To the cops. While I'm sitting in their birdbath.]
431	job interview Why do you want to be a psychiatrist? pictures clients acting like chickens after I click my fingers I want to help people
432	Here's two short jokes and a long joke: joke. joke. joooooooke.
433	"911, what's your emergency?" Me: A cute guy at the laundromat walked past me while I was folding my period underwear.
434	What do you call a relaxed redneck? A chillbilly.
435	Dog's Facebook status: Tried to save the master from the vacuum cleaner today... He just yelled at me.
436	Ever since the news came out about Samsung.... Their phones have been blowing up.
437	Osama Bn Laden Jokes in the title.
438	What is the term for a group of Canadians? Is it "an apology"? "Oh look, there goes an apology of Canadians"
439	Trump wants to appoint Ben Carson to the Department of Education, but I think he would do better in the FDA He can feed everyone with all of the grain in those pyramids.
440	Putting a woman on a $10 makes sense . . . . . . no one really wants a 1 or a 5. (As heard on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me)
441	I always check my smoke alarms to make sure they're working. I call it "cooking"
442	[wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] "why isn't he wearing a shirt" we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote
443	Put the punchline in the title. How do you piss off a redditor?
444	I just found out I am a hipster Because I started using #NotMyPresident 8 years ago.
445	What's the difference between a computer and a woman? A computer only has to have information punched into it once.
446	I just released my mixtape in Tianjin. It was da bomb. Too soon?
447	How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout "Heroes in a half shell." 3) When a girl yells back "Turtle Power," marry her.
448	What's the sharpest thing in the word? A fart. It goes right through your pants and doesn't leave a hole.
449	calls into work "yo boss i'm real sick" "you don't sound sick..." "ya, just got a new tribal tat & heelys" "wow u do sound hella sick"
450	I'm not saying that girl's a slut... But she has touched more wieners than Heinz ketchup.
451	A Kiss can make my whole day... But anal could make my hole weak
452	The best joke you'll never hear
453	how are a silver medalist and a priest alike They both came in a little behind
454	I wonder if a ghost has ever watched me masturbate.
455	S is my favorite letter because it changes biscuit to biscuits.
456	Saw a homeless guy babbling about conspiracy theories that doesn't really make sense... You could say it was a vague rant.
457	Blessed are those who are cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light!
458	Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?
459	Don't judge me because I like 80's music. Judge me because I had a late term abortion because a baby would ruin my holiday plans.
460	When someone uses the bathroom and asks about the wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don't invite people to my house.
461	What's a con-artists favorite holiday? Scamentine's Day.
462	An infectious disease enters a bar... the bartender says,"we dont serve your kind here". The disease replies, "well you're not a very good host!"
463	If four out of five people suffer from radiation poisoning... Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
464	Having the option to erase and re-record after having to leave a voicemail is one of my favorite things about life.
465	My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
466	Stealing mosquito repellent... Jacking Off!
467	What do you call a small, noisy dog? A subwoofer.
468	September is Alzheimer's Awareness month... remind me tomorrow.
469	Well it's like my dad always told me "When life gives ya lemons" Chances are you're in the fruit aisle.
470	What English King invented the fireplace ? Alfred the grate !
471	I just saw the Assassins Creed Movie Trailer... I did not expect The Spanish Inquisition.
472	Why do Canadians do it doggy style? So they can both watch the hockey game.
473	Dad and son A son asks his father "Why does my bum hurt" while the father replies "Because I love you son"
474	Why does little sally have a limp? SHE WENT TO JARED!
475	A programmer began to cuss Because getting to sleep was a fuss. When laying in her bed Looping round in her head Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;
476	"Oh you just put lotion on? You're not going anywhere." - Doorknob
477	I see you've got your bill for using the Internet Yes and my dad's really going to get the hump!
478	When do you kick a midget in the balls? When he's standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice
479	Islam is a race. Because it's inbreeds fucking each other.
480	Why don't you want your nose to be 12 inches long? because then it would be a foot!
481	Political Joke The Economy
482	Keep in mind that "The Cat in the Hat" is a lesson to your kids on how to throw a house party when you're gone...
483	What's a lumberjack's favorite director? TimBuuurrrrrrrton
484	Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls
485	When someone tells you to "get a Life," just take theirs. They'll be happy you took their advice, and you'll be happy they're dead.
486	Day One, living in one of those tiny houses: "Well, isn't this quaint?" Day Two: Murder
487	How to get a job... Interviewer: "What's your biggest weakness?" Interviewee: "I never learn from my mistakes" Interviewer: "Oh, why's that?" Interviewee: "I never make any"
488	I showed my son a floppy disk today... ...he said: 'oh cool, you 3D-printed a save icon'
489	What do golfers do on nights out? party.
490	How does an Australian clean is bum? Bidet, mate.
491	I feel quite light today. Pounds aren't what they used to be.
492	"Beat up anybody you see drinking 7UP" -first rule of Sprite Club
493	Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
494	Yo mama... Yo mama is so poor, she can't even pay attention
495	Difference between priest and acne? What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until puberty to come on a kid's face.
496	Them: If you were stranded on a desert island with any two people, living or dead, who would they be? Me: Can they both be dead?
497	T Rex isnt so scary if you imagine a bunch of baby T Rexes watching Barney just giggling and rolling around on the ground playing with keys.
498	Since Michael Jackson's death hundreds of children have gathered at the gates of Neverland. Police have said that they will let them out once they find a locksmith. - http://ww.key-n-lock.com
499	Did you hear about the constipated dyslexic? He had trouble moving his elbows.
500	Why are mountains so funny? Because they are hill-areas

401

From now on when skinny girls say they're fat I'm just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.

402

What did the homeless person say to the gay job interviewer when asked for his address? No home-o.

403

How many people with dementia does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side.

404

What type of fruit is not allowed to get married? Cantaloupe...

405

I like my women like I like my coffee... I don't fucking like coffee.

406

butts are truly the final frontier. to think we know more about SPACE than we do about the human butt. two fleshy mounds of mystery & wonder

407

I find like geologers make really good friends... ...they are very down to Earth.

408

I keep getting the urge to purchase a big white bear from the artic... ...Doc says I might have "Buy Polar" disorder! EDIT: arctic*

409

Heading to Chinatown after work... I heard it's Erection Day.

410

How do you get a gay man to fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt.

411

I want to start a coffee shop that only plays ambient/electronic music... and call it Brian Beano.

412

I like my girlfriend's new glow-in-the-dark braces... ...her smile really lights up the room now.

413

This bank pen tastes like it's been in a lot of other people's mouths

414

Redditors don't like this [Deleted]

415

Mom writes to her son in Poland's army: "Dear Son, I am writing this letter ever so slowly..... ....because I know you cannot read fast"

416

Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!

417

The best thing about adolescent humor... is that it never gets old!

418

I hate how the losers of every election maintain such a high view of themselves... They're conceded

419

I didn't see mommy kiss Santa, but my sister saw her kiss the mailman, which explains why I'm the only one with brown eyes in the family

420

Why did the vampire attack the clown? He wanted the circus to be in his blood.

421

"It's 5 o'clock somewhere." - a shitty watch.

422

How do I know when your sister's on her period..... Your dad's dick taste like blood

423

What do you call going Doctor to Doctor... What do you call going Doctor to Doctor to figure out what your inflammatory bowel disease is called? A Game of Crohn's.

424

What's the difference between a pizza and a black man? The pizza can feed a family of 4.

425

Knock knock. Who's there? Benjamin. Benjamin Who? Yes, Benjamin Netanya Who.

426

If you hear the words "oh yeah, suck it" coming from my bedroom, it's probably just me vacuuming.

427

A photon walks into a hotel The bell boy walks up and asks, "Do you have any luggage?". "No," says the photon, "I'm traveling light."

428

If your'e anxious and you know it..... ...clasp your hands.

429

its macaroni and cheese not macaroni and steve

430

People always complain that I'm "out there." [On the phone. To the cops. While I'm sitting in their birdbath.]

431

*job interview* Why do you want to be a psychiatrist? *pictures clients acting like chickens after I click my fingers* I want to help people

432

Here's two short jokes and a long joke: joke. joke. joooooooke.

433

"911, what's your emergency?" Me: A cute guy at the laundromat walked past me while I was folding my period underwear.

434

What do you call a relaxed redneck? A chillbilly.

435

Dog's Facebook status: Tried to save the master from the vacuum cleaner today... He just yelled at me.

436

Ever since the news came out about Samsung.... Their phones have been blowing up.

437

Osama Bn Laden Jokes in the title.

438

What is the term for a group of Canadians? Is it "an apology"? "Oh look, there goes an apology of Canadians"

439

Trump wants to appoint Ben Carson to the Department of Education, but I think he would do better in the FDA He can feed everyone with all of the grain in those pyramids.

440

Putting a woman on a $10 makes sense . . . . . . no one really wants a 1 or a 5. (As heard on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me)

441

I always check my smoke alarms to make sure they're working. I call it "cooking"

442

[wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] "why isn't he wearing a shirt" we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote

443

Put the punchline in the title. How do you piss off a redditor?

444

I just found out I am a hipster Because I started using #NotMyPresident 8 years ago.

445

What's the difference between a computer and a woman? A computer only has to have information punched into it once.

446

I just released my mixtape in Tianjin. It was da bomb. Too soon?

447

How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout "Heroes in a half shell." 3) When a girl yells back "Turtle Power," marry her.

448

What's the sharpest thing in the word? A fart. It goes right through your pants and doesn't leave a hole.

449

*calls into work* "yo boss i'm real sick" "you don't sound sick..." "ya, just got a new tribal tat & heelys" "wow u do sound hella sick"

450

I'm not saying that girl's a slut... But she has touched more wieners than Heinz ketchup.

451

A Kiss can make my whole day... But anal could make my hole weak

452

The best joke you'll never hear

453

how are a silver medalist and a priest alike They both came in a little behind

454

I wonder if a ghost has ever watched me masturbate.

455

S is my favorite letter because it changes biscuit to biscuits.

456

Saw a homeless guy babbling about conspiracy theories that doesn't really make sense... You could say it was a vague rant.

457

Blessed are those who are cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light!

458

Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?

459

Don't judge me because I like 80's music. Judge me because I had a late term abortion because a baby would ruin my holiday plans.

460

When someone uses the bathroom and asks about the wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don't invite people to my house.

461

What's a con-artists favorite holiday? Scamentine's Day.

462

An infectious disease enters a bar... the bartender says,"we dont serve your kind here". The disease replies, "well you're not a very good host!"

463

If four out of five people suffer from radiation poisoning... Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

464

Having the option to erase and re-record after having to leave a voicemail is one of my favorite things about life.

465

My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.

466

Stealing mosquito repellent... Jacking Off!

467

What do you call a small, noisy dog? A subwoofer.

468

September is Alzheimer's Awareness month... remind me tomorrow.

469

Well it's like my dad always told me "When life gives ya lemons" Chances are you're in the fruit aisle.

470

What English King invented the fireplace ? Alfred the grate !

471

I just saw the Assassins Creed Movie Trailer... I did not expect The Spanish Inquisition.

472

Why do Canadians do it doggy style? So they can both watch the hockey game.

473

Dad and son A son asks his father "Why does my bum hurt" while the father replies "Because I love you son"

474

Why does little sally have a limp? SHE WENT TO JARED!

475

A programmer began to cuss Because getting to sleep was a fuss. When laying in her bed Looping round in her head Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;

476

"Oh you just put lotion on? You're not going anywhere." - Doorknob

477

I see you've got your bill for using the Internet Yes and my dad's really going to get the hump!

478

When do you kick a midget in the balls? When he's standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice

479

Islam is a race. Because it's inbreeds fucking each other.

480

Why don't you want your nose to be 12 inches long? because then it would be a foot!

481

Political Joke The Economy

482

Keep in mind that "The Cat in the Hat" is a lesson to your kids on how to throw a house party when you're gone...

483

What's a lumberjack's favorite director? TimBuuurrrrrrrton

484

Why do midgets laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls

485

When someone tells you to "get a Life," just take theirs. They'll be happy you took their advice, and you'll be happy they're dead.

486

Day One, living in one of those tiny houses: "Well, isn't this quaint?" Day Two: Murder

487

How to get a job... Interviewer: "What's your biggest weakness?" Interviewee: "I never learn from my mistakes" Interviewer: "Oh, why's that?" Interviewee: "I never make any"

488

I showed my son a floppy disk today... ...he said: 'oh cool, you 3D-printed a save icon'

489

What do golfers do on nights out? **par**ty.

490

How does an Australian clean is bum? Bidet, mate.

491

I feel quite light today. Pounds aren't what they used to be.

492

"Beat up anybody you see drinking 7UP" -first rule of Sprite Club

493

Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.

494

Yo mama... Yo mama is so poor, she can't even pay attention

495

Difference between priest and acne? What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until puberty to come on a kid's face.

496

Them: If you were stranded on a desert island with any two people, living or dead, who would they be? Me: Can they both be dead?

497

T Rex isnt so scary if you imagine a bunch of baby T Rexes watching Barney just giggling and rolling around on the ground playing with keys.

498

Since Michael Jackson's death hundreds of children have gathered at the gates of Neverland. Police have said that they will let them out once they find a locksmith. - http://ww.key-n-lock.com

499

Did you hear about the constipated dyslexic? He had trouble moving his elbows.

500

Why are mountains so funny? Because they are hill-areas