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ACRES
Very true.
Sir LUCIUS
So I shall see nothing of you, unless it be by letter, till the
evening.--I would do myself the honour to carry your message; but, to
tell you a secret, I believe I shall have just such another affair on
my own hands. There is a gay captain here, who put a jest on me lately,
at the expense of my country, and I only want to fall in with the
gentleman, to call him out.
ACRES
By my valour, I should like to see you fight first! Odds life! I should
like to see you kill him if it was only to get a little lesson.
Sir LUCIUS
I shall be very proud of instructing you.--Well for the present--but
remember now, when you meet your antagonist, do every thing in a mild
and agreeable manner.--Let your courage be as keen, but at the same
time as polished, as your sword.
[Exeunt severally.]
[ACRES and DAVID.]
DAVID
Then, by the mass, sir! I would do no such thing--ne'er a Sir Lucius
O'Trigger in the kingdom should make me fight, when I wasn't so minded.
Oons! what will the old lady say, when she hears o't?
ACRES
Ah! David, if you had heard Sir Lucius!--Odds sparks and flames! he
would have roused your valour.
DAVID
Not he, indeed. I hate such bloodthirsty cormorants. Look'ee, master,
if you wanted a bout at boxing, quarter staff, or short-staff, I should
never be the man to bid you cry off: but for your curst sharps and
snaps, I never knew any good come of 'em.
ACRES
But my honour, David, my honour! I must be very careful of my honour.
DAVID
Ay, by the mass! and I would be very careful of it; and I think in
return my honour couldn't do less than to be very careful of me.
ACRES
Odds blades! David, no gentleman will ever risk the loss of his honour!
DAVID
I say then, it would be but civil in honour never to risk the loss of a
gentleman.--Look'ee, master, this honour seems to me to be a marvellous
false friend: ay, truly, a very courtier-like servant.--Put the case, I
was a gentleman (which, thank God, no one can say of me;) well--my
honour makes me quarrel with another gentleman of my
acquaintance.--So--we fight. (Pleasant enough that!) Boh!--I kill
him--(the more's my luck!) now, pray who gets the profit of it?--Why,
my honour. But put the case that he kills me!--by the mass! I go to the
worms, and my honour whips over to my enemy.
ACRES
No, David--in that case!--odds crowns and laurels! your honour follows
you to the grave.
DAVID
Now, that's just the place where I could make a shift to do without it.
ACRES
Zounds! David, you are a coward!--It doesn't become my valour to listen
to you.--What, shall I disgrace my ancestors?--Think of that,
David--think what it would be to disgrace my ancestors!
DAVID
Under favour, the surest way of not disgracing them, is to keep as long
as you can out of their company. Look'ee now, master, to go to them in
such haste--with an ounce of lead in your brains--I should think might
as well be let alone. Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but
they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting
acquaintance with.
ACRES
But, David, now, you don't think there is such very, very, very great
danger, hey?--Odds life! people often fight without any mischief done!
DAVID
By the mass, I think 'tis ten to one against you!--Oons! here to meet
some lion-headed fellow, I warrant, with his damned double-barrelled
swords, and cut-and-thrust pistols!--Lord bless us! it makes me tremble
to think o't--Those be such desperate bloody-minded weapons! Well, I
never could abide 'em!--from a child I never could fancy 'em!--I
suppose there an't been so merciless a beast in the world as your
loaded pistol!
ACRES
Zounds! I won't be afraid!--Odds fire and fury! you shan't make me
afraid.--Here is the challenge, and I have sent for my dear friend Jack