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Sir LUCIUS
I wonder where this Captain Absolute hides himself! Upon my conscience!
these officers are always in one's way in love affairs:--I remember I
might have married Lady Dorothy Carmine, if it had not been for a
little rogue of a major, who ran away with her before she could get a
sight of me! And I wonder too what it is the ladies can see in them to
be so fond of them--unless it be a touch of the old serpent in 'em,
that makes the little creatures be caught, like vipers, with a bit of
red cloth. Ha! isn't this the captain coming?--faith it is!--There is a
probability of succeeding about that fellow, that is mighty provoking!
Who the devil is he talking to? [Steps aside.]
[Enter CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.]
ABSOLUTE
[Aside.] To what fine purpose I have been plotting! a noble reward for
all my schemes, upon my soul!--a little gipsy!--I did not think her
romance could have made her so damned absurd either. 'Sdeath, I never
was in a worse humour in my life!--I could cut my own throat, or any
other person's, with the greatest pleasure in the world!
Sir LUCIUS
Oh, faith! I'm in the luck of it. I never could have found him in a
sweeter temper for my purpose--to be sure I'm just come in the nick!
Now to enter into conversation with him, and so quarrel
genteelly.--[Goes up to CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] With regard to that matter,
captain, I must beg leave to differ in opinion with you.
ABSOLUTE
Upon my word, then, you must be a very subtle disputant:--because, sir,
I happened just then to be giving no opinion at all.
Sir LUCIUS
That's no reason. For give me leave to tell you, a man may think an
untruth as well as speak one.
ABSOLUTE
Very true, sir; but if a man never utters his thoughts, I should think
they might stand a chance of escaping controversy.
Sir LUCIUS
Then, sir, you differ in opinion with me, which amounts to the same
thing.
ABSOLUTE
Hark'ee, Sir Lucius; if I had not before known you to be a gentleman,
upon my soul, I should not have discovered it at this interview: for
what you can drive at, unless you mean to quarrel with me, I cannot
conceive!
Sir LUCIUS
I humbly thank you, sir, for the quickness of your
apprehension.--[Bowing.] You have named the very thing I would be at.
ABSOLUTE
Very well, sir; I shall certainly not balk your inclinations.--But I
should be glad you would please to explain your motives.
Sir LUCIUS
Pray, sir, be easy; the quarrel is a very pretty quarrel as it stands;
we should only spoil it by trying to explain it. However, your memory
is very short, or you could not have forgot an affront you passed on me
within this week. So, no more, but name your time and place.
ABSOLUTE
Well, sir, since you are so bent on it, the sooner the better; let it
be this evening--here, by the Spring Gardens. We shall scarcely be
interrupted.
Sir LUCIUS
Faith! that same interruption in affairs of this nature shows very
great ill-breeding. I don't know what's the reason, but in England if a
thing of this kind gets wind, people make such a pother, that a
gentleman can never fight in peace and quietness. However, if it's the
same to you, captain, I should take it as a particular kindness if
you'd let us meet in King's-Mead-Fields, as a little business will call
me there about six o'clock, and I may despatch both matters at once.
ABSOLUTE
'Tis the same to me exactly. A little after six, then, we will discuss
this matter more seriously.
Sir LUCIUS
If you please, sir; there will be very pretty small-sword light, though
it won't do for a long shot. So that matter's settled, and my mind's at
ease! [Exit.]
[Enter FAULKLAND.]
ABSOLUTE
Well met! I was going to look for you. O Faulkland! all the demons of
spite and disappointment have conspired against me! I'm so vex'd, that
if I had not the prospect of a resource in being knocked o' the head
by-and-by, I should scarce have spirits to tell you the cause.
FAULKLAND
What can you mean?--Has Lydia changed her mind?--I should have thought
her duty and inclination would now have pointed to the same object.
ABSOLUTE