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A dry jest, sir.
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SIR ANDREW.
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Are you full of them?
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MARIA.
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Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends: marry, now I let
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go your hand I am barren.
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[Exit MARIA.]
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SIR TOBY.
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O knight, thou lack'st a cup of canary: When did I see
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thee so put down?
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SIR ANDREW.
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Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary put
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me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian
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or an ordinary man has; but I am great eater of beef, and, I
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believe, that does harm to my wit.
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SIR TOBY.
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No question.
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SIR ANDREW.
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An I thought that, I'd forswear it. I'll ride home
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to-morrow, Sir Toby.
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SIR TOBY.
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Pourquoy, my dear knight?
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SIR ANDREW.
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What is pourquoy? do or not do? I would I had bestowed
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that time in the tongues that I have in fencing, dancing, and
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bear-baiting. Oh, had I but followed the arts!
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SIR TOBY.
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Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.
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SIR ANDREW.
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Why, would that have mended my hair?
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SIR TOBY.
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Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by nature.
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SIR ANDREW.
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But it becomes me well enough, does't not?
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SIR TOBY.
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Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I hope to
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see a houswife take thee between her legs and spin it off.
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SIR ANDREW.
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Faith, I'll home to-morrow, Sir Toby; your niece will
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not be seen; or, if she be, it's four to one she'll none of me;
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the count himself here hard by woos her.
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SIR TOBY.
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She'll none o' the Count; she'll not match above her
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degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard her
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swear't. Tut, there's life in't, man.
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SIR ANDREW.
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I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the strangest
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mind i' the world; I delight in masques and revels sometimes
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altogether.
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SIR TOBY.
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Art thou good at these kick-shaws, knight?
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SIR ANDREW.
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As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the
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degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare with an old man.
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SIR TOBY.
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What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?
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SIR ANDREW.
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Faith, I can cut a caper.
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SIR TOBY.
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And I can cut the mutton to't.
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SIR ANDREW.
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And, I think, I have the back-trick simply as strong as
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any man in Illyria.
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SIR TOBY.
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Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have these
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gifts a curtain before them? are they like to take dust, like
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Mistress Mall's picture? why dost thou not go to church in a
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galliard and come home in a coranto? My very walk should be a
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jig; I would not so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What
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dost thou mean? is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by
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the excellent constitution of thy leg, it was formed under the
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star of a galliard.
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SIR ANDREW.
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Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in
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flame-colour'd stock. Shall we set about some revels?
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