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isis man: please! you gotta follow back! you just gotta!
me: no can do my man. i respect your right to be in isis, but I can not follow you.
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congress members fighting over who can scream "halo 5" the loudest, until a senior member stands up and yells "halo 6", infuriating them all
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tomorrow im going to fill up on bread befoore 10am and get waterboarded by my seven identical uncles
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i will gladly purchase the Horrifying new xbox for each room in my home and expose my nude body to its mandatory camera daily for kfc points
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every day this happens: my followers inject me with a mix of chemicals , And they kill me as they would a sick dog. Every day they do this
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i have taken my shirt off over 10000 times
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everytime jeff dunham makes his miserable puppets kiss each other a bridge collapses somewhere
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"Ur honor, if Mr Pibb was truly this man's uncle, then surely hed be able to dazzle us with Pibb Merch"
JUDGE:damn he's right. No Pibb Merch
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I WANT " 1 2 3 "
1. MY DICK SUCKED
2. MY POSTS LIKED
3. MY ASS KICKED
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i'm wild about Setups
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while my trolls are busy "moving the goal posts" im afraid i am simply moving the "good posts"
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iwant to outfit the scope on my sniper rifle with net flicks
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Serious votes only
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fucking.. actual yes http://t.co/eRm6R1S0lu
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me and some extremely crude boys in a pickup truck scream "hipster" at some kid's lemonade stand then crash into a turtle and eat shit hard
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#FreshmanAdvice i will demolish you with my perfect upper body forever because seniors rule the shit out of this school
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#MillennialSoapOperas " DUMB ASES "
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for m y money, the best Soda you can get today is at the restaurant we've all come to known as Micky D's aka mc donalds.
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it is unfair that i should have to go to hell just because i was born with a pigs brain
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Clipart Illustration of a Black Hanukkah Baby In A Diaper, Holding Gifts, A Menorah And A Rattle
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Downlioading 6 Terabytes Of Info On Deal's
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NASCAR Forums >> Odds & Ends >> what are some good podcasts to listen to while listlessly fucking my wife
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"DUHH DUDHHH DUHH" thats what you sound like when you sing twinkle twinkle little star or any crap like that. Its not real music
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how would u like a taste of fuckin basooka ammo!!! or else!!
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mc donads big hamburger no tomato on rye
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buy shares in the Markets. i have a really good feeling about the markets
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dont pay mind of me. i am just a hound dogs old ass...
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when you find out that i intentionally limit my power by not being a guy who retweets his own shit.........
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you ever see one of those preserved bog men or mummies on the news and think "now theres a guy who looks like he got an ass kicking"
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i fucking love logging in and out of things at incredible speed
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i miss 100% of the shots i dont take mother fucker
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BACK OFF CAPS COP THIS IS TOO IMPORTANT FOR LOWERCASE
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this may very well be the much needed "Win" for America that economists have speculated upon since 9/11
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the absolute best place to hide your nudes is in a file folder on your desktop labelled "Clothes"
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i Fucking hate it when i come at the king and miss, especially when I best not do that
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if you think this is a freaking humour account. youre a piece of shit. please refer to my listitng in GQ magazine under Arts & Entertainment
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IDIOT: I would love to get trapped in some sort of wall and spin around faster and faster until pieces of my body slough off
ME: Ok, no,
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speaking of war crimes, some say the white flag of surrender was inspired by a piece of toilet paper dangling pitifully from my ass
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"jail isnt real," i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco
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my new job is being the guy who says "Sir You Can't Film Here" repeatedly to people who bring recording gadgets to aldi markets
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hey now, its super bowl http://t.co/yPbH9B8akK
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as the man who was personaly tasked with wiping roger ailes ass id just like to say theres no way im more than 40% responsible for his death
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Met a guy on here the other day named "Mr do not follow my ass". Well with a name like that you better beleieve i`d be taking that advice.
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thre most classic shit is when somebody on tv or in real life says "What about lunch"
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It Is said, that the online content creator absorbs the combined pain of every follower 24 hrs a day—and that is why they cry in saddness...
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indonesian pirates raid my yacht and find me on the floor fucking a styrofoam container
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massive, hulking gorilla of a man, compeltely covered in hair, lying on a mattress and jacking off to his one immaculate shaved leg
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BURY ME WITH MY ASS.........
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ive heard from a reliable source that people arre putting their lips on to my girl friends avatars and going "muah muah muah." cut it out
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hovering over the apartment maintenance man with my pants down while he unclogs my toilet for the 4th time this week
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every one here has become too cynical and full of their own ass. its like none of you are even trying to help Jussie
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cant get ahold of my brexit adviser
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my fatass head floating in the sky, looking down at all the Girls i follow bantering/ having a nice time on here, nodding, thinking its good
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i will never apologize for my ass no matter how many people close their accounts. i will never apologize for the gestures i make with my ass
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"oh this?? im only wearing this shit in case i need something to wipe my ass with"-something i just said to impress all my shirtless friends
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hell ill dry rub anything. an unpeeled banana. fruit gushers. all contain a latent power which begs to be unleashed by a superb spice blend
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Discussing
Reality
Intelligently
Life
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#worldturtleday these beasts are simply armoured rats ,always and forever
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i destoryed my balls with uh, enhanced interrogation techniques sir
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WEL DESPITE FREE SPCH LAWS IM STIL NOT ALOUD TO PRACTICE SARGING TECHNIQ ON UGLY WMEN AT PETSMART - I AM SO TORN UP OVER THIS - SOM1 CALL ME
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my walk in closet with the frogger arcade cabinet is a No Liberal's Allowed Zone
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The one thing that I am truly the most sick of dealing with online is Ignorance Likers .
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might pull some strings and get a paywalled article put in the "whats happening" sidebar about my Horny Status, for 10000000 people to see
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im a dirty cop who has joined the islamic state of iraq and the levant
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plrease go to the salad bar and get me a plate full of bake and bits
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the much anticipated photographic evidence that i take good care of my gumline has been postponed due to drama and agony
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tak9ng your shirt off in the pool...shit move
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i hope you all enjoyed my latest Sets (posts)
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back in the nice days, youd go to th e barbershop and theyd serve you a full seven course meal during your haircut. not like today my friend
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listen bitch i know what ``poop`` is and i dont like it
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im taking back thw word "Penis" because boys are being out here doing it for them self
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just found out tthat cultural revolutionary Bill Maher is just another worthless pothead. is there any hope left in this earth
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theyre tryin to Stooge my ass
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gentlmen: a crisis. my official pizza hut rage face widget reports that ive posted the "Wtf Face" 138 times in may 2012 alone. trouble ahead
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gravitational waves huh., is that like the super moon
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welp, if you want something done right you gotta do it yourself. *removes heart and lungs*
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The three brnaches of government? Simple. Breakfast, Lunch, and DInner. Because the government loves eating us alive with the old Tax & Spen
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i think that the dog version of the super bowl shoyuld show some god damn respect to the regular version of the super bowl
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Quick Thinking: Area Man Saves Own Life By Making A Bra Out Of Two Diapers
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dming all the accounts on here who pretend to be horny versions of smallville characters, demanding to know their long-term business plan
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cash for Clunkers.. fuck yes to this...
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if a sniper shot me i owuld run over to where he is and kick the gun out of his hand and kill him because hes not specialized in melee fight
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forced to commit suicide on live tv after 50yr old post comes to light in which i claim that scotus clarance thomas jacks off using his feet
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And now it seems that even my own followers cannot resist pelting me with ad homenim dog shit.
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im actualy, probably, the most superbly relatable and normal person in this jail cell as of right NOw
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petition to change the twitter bird into a shittier, less noble animal, l ike a pig or an ape
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the neighborhood teens have left so many burning bags of garbage on my lawn that everyone thinks that this is the place you burn garbage now
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the hell hour has ended. all 37 repliers to the official hell hour tweet have been blocked indiscriminately. they took the gamble and lost
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when the doctor ask's you for a stool sample but you dont know how much he needs so you load up like an entire keg with turds "Just in case"
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you give me dry ice & i dont know what to do with the shit. "is this mother fucker really posting about dry ice" yes. wet ice is good though
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thinking of that 9/11 thread on the pokemon board i used to post on where the Admin said "Welcome to World War 3" & everyone shit them selves
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WHo else thinks that, without JACK at the helm, this site is going to start Sucking FUCKING DICK!!!
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the tongue is the human body's most powerful tooth
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bathroom prayer
Thank you Lord for letting me go to
The bath room,
I pray you deliver my shit Thru
the Pipe
so it can be of use to an animal
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Porn is a constant reminder of how inadequate I am (self.AskReddit)
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IS IT TRUE THAT THE TSA WILL TOUCH MY DICK FOR FREE AT LITERALLY ANY AIR LINE
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the worst part of nationalism is having to pretend the flag is really good, like "yeah the country looks exactly like that. they nailed it"
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I will shut the fuck up , IF, it will restore the Harmony. I will get on my knees like a dog and make that sacrifice, for the sake of Calm
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Bacon nutella fortnite selfystick iPhone avocado kanye Mocha Latte (deep breath) triggered tinder starbucks Chipotle safe space pumpkinspice
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fantasy meatball league
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