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i really liked playing hide a lot one time though i thought climbing a tree would lead to a great hiding spot but i fell and broke my arm i actually started first grade with a big cast all over my torso it was taken off six weeks later but even then i couldn't extend my elbow and i had to do physical therapy to flex and extend it times per day seven days per week i barely did it because i found it boring and painful and as a result it took me another six weeks to get better many years later my mom developed frozen shoulder which leads to pain and stiffness in the shoulder
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i was years old i thought things in china would be easier since there was more food i thought more people would help me but it was harder than living in north korea because i was not free i was always worried about being caught and sent back by a miracle some months later i met someone who was running an underground shelter for north koreans and was allowed to live there and eat regular meals for the first time in many years later that year an activist helped me escape china and go to the united states as a refugee i went to america without knowing a word of english yet my social worker told me that i had to go to high school even in north korea i was an f student
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i looked at him sitting next to me he just looked back at me very warmly but said no words suddenly i remembered my biological father my foster father's small act of love reminded me of my father who would love to share his food with me when he was hungry even if he was starving i felt so suffocated that i had so much food in america yet my father died of starvation my only wish that night was to cook a meal for him and that night i also thought of what else i could do to honor him and my answer was to promise to myself that i would study hard and get the best education in america to honor his sacrifice i took school seriously and for the first time ever in my life i received an academic award for excellence and made dean's list from the first semester in high school that chicken wing changed my life
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you joseph thank you for sharing that very personal and special story with us i know you haven't seen your sister for you said it was almost exactly a decade and in the off chance that she may be able to see this we wanted to give you an opportunity to send her a message in korean you can do english then korean as well
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it has been already years that i seen you i just wanted to say that i miss you and i love you and please come back to me and stay alive and i oh gosh i still haven't given up my hope to see you i will live my life happily and study hard until i see you and i promise i will not cry again
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i was born and raised in north korea although my family constantly struggled against poverty i was always loved and cared for first because i was the only son and the youngest of two in the family but then the great famine began in i was four years old my sister and i would go searching for firewood starting at in the morning and come back after midnight i would wander the streets searching for food and i remember seeing a small child tied to a mother's back eating chips and wanting to steal them from him
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is humiliation hunger is hopelessness for a hungry child politics and freedom are not even thought of on my ninth birthday my parents couldn't give me any food to eat but even as a child i could feel the in their hearts over a million north koreans died of starvation in that time and in when i was years old my father became one of them i saw my father wither away and die
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over a million north koreans died of starvation in that time and in when i was years old my father became one of them i saw my father wither away and die in the same year my mother disappeared one day and then my sister told me that she was going to china to earn money but that she would return with money and food soon since we had never been separated and i thought we would be together forever i didn't even give her a hug when she left it was the biggest mistake i have ever made in my life but again i didn't know it was going to be a long goodbye i have not seen my mom or my sister since then suddenly i became an orphan and homeless my daily life became very hard but very simple
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suddenly i became an orphan and homeless my daily life became very hard but very simple my goal was to find a dusty piece of bread in the trash but that is no way to survive i started to realize begging would not be the solution so i started to steal from food carts in illegal markets sometimes i found small jobs in exchange for food once i even spent two months in the winter working in a coal mine meters underground without any protection for up to hours a day i was not uncommon
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i'd like to do pretty much what i did the first time which is to choose a light hearted theme last time i talked about death and dying this time i'm going to talk about mental illness but it has to be technological so i'll talk about electroshock therapy
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so with the advice of my physician i had myself admitted to the acute care psychiatric unit of our university hospital and my colleagues who had known me since medical school in that place said don't worry chap six weeks you're back in the operating room everything's going to be great well you know what bovine is that proved to be a lot of bovine i know some people who got tenure in that place with lies like that
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can you imagine going to your closet pulling out a mothball and chewing on it if you're feeling depressed it's better than prozac but i wouldn't recommend it so what we see in the seventeenth eighteenth century is the continued search for medications other than that'll do the trick well along comes benjamin franklin and he comes close to himself with a bolt of electricity off the end of his kite and so people begin thinking in terms of electricity to produce convulsions and then we fast forward to about when three italian psychiatrists who were largely treating depression began to notice among their patients who were also that if they had an epileptic a series of epileptic fits a lot of them in a row the depression would very frequently lift
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well they were happy as could be because he hadn't said a rational word in the weeks of observation so they plugged him in again and this time they used volts for half a second and to their amazement after it was over he began speaking like he was perfectly well he relapsed a little bit they gave him a series of treatments and he was essentially cured but of course having schizophrenia within a few months it returned but they wrote a paper about this and everybody in the western world began using electricity to people who were either schizophrenic or severely depressed
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well you know in the middle the first antidepressants came out was the first in the late early there were others and they were very effective and patients' rights groups seemed to get very upset about the kinds of things that they would witness and so the whole idea of electroshock therapy disappeared but has had a renaissance in the last years and the reason that it has had a renaissance is that probably about percent of the people severe do not respond regardless of what is done for them
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my seven grandson sleeps just down the hall from me and he wakes up a lot of mornings and he says you know this could be the best day ever and other times in the middle of the night he calls out in a tremulous voice nana will you ever get sick and die i think this pretty much says it for me and most of the people i know that we're a mixed grill of happy anticipation and dread so i sat down a few days before my birthday and i decided to compile a list of everything i know for sure there's so little truth in the popular culture and it's good to be sure of a few things for instance i am no longer although this is the age i feel and the age i like to think of myself as being my friend paul used to say in his late that he felt like a young man with something really wrong with him
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number one the first and truest thing is that all truth is a paradox life is both a precious beautiful gift and it's impossible here on the side of things it's been a very bad match for those of us who were born extremely sensitive it's so hard and weird that we sometimes wonder if we're being it's filled simultaneously with heartbreaking sweetness and beauty desperate poverty floods and babies and acne and mozart all swirled together i don't think it's an ideal system
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there is almost nothing outside of you that will help in any kind of lasting way unless you're waiting for an organ you can't buy achieve or date serenity and peace of mind this is the most horrible truth and i so resent it but it's an inside job and we can't arrange peace or lasting improvement for the people we love most in the world they have to find their own ways their own answers you can't run alongside your grown children with sunscreen and on their hero's journey you have to release them it's disrespectful not to and if it's someone else's problem you probably don't have the answer anyway
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our help is usually not very helpful our help is often toxic and help is the sunny side of control helping so much don't get your help and goodness all over everybody
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this brings us to number four everyone is screwed up broken and scared even the people who seem to have it most together they are much more like you than you would believe so try not to compare your insides to other people's outsides it will only make you worse than you already are
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also you can't save fix or rescue any of them or get anyone sober what helped me get clean and sober years ago was the catastrophe of my behavior and thinking so i asked some sober friends for help and i turned to a higher power one acronym for god is the gift of desperation g or as a sober friend put it by the end i was deteriorating faster than i could lower my standards
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writing every writer you know writes really terrible first drafts but they keep their butt in the chair that's the secret of life that's probably the main difference between you and them they just do it they do it by with themselves
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you're going to feel like hell if you wake up someday and you never wrote the stuff that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart your stories memories visions and songs your truth your version of things in your own voice that's really all you have to offer us and that's also why you were born publication and temporary creative successes are something you have to recover from they kill as many people as not they will hurt damage and change you in ways you cannot imagine the most degraded and evil people i've ever known are male writers who've had huge best sellers
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the movement of grace is what changes us heals us and heals our world to summon grace say help and then buckle up grace finds you exactly where you are but it doesn't leave you where it found you and grace won't look like casper the friendly ghost regrettably but the phone will ring or the mail will come and then against all odds you'll get your sense of humor about yourself back laughter really is carbonated holiness
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but the phone will ring or the mail will come and then against all odds you'll get your sense of humor about yourself back laughter really is carbonated holiness it helps us breathe again and again and gives us back to ourselves and this gives us faith in life and each other and remember grace always bats last god just means goodness it's really not all that scary it means the divine or a loving intelligence or as we learned from the great the cosmic muffin a good name for god is not me emerson said that the happiest person on earth is the one who learns from nature the lessons of worship
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and finally death number wow and it's so hard to bear when the few people you cannot live without die you'll never get over these losses and no matter what the culture says you're not supposed to we christians like to think of death as a major change of address but in any case the person will live again fully in your heart if you don't seal it off like leonard cohen said there are cracks in everything and that's how the light gets in and that's how we feel our people again fully alive also the people will make you laugh out loud at the most inconvenient times and that's the great good news
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also the people will make you laugh out loud at the most inconvenient times and that's the great good news but their absence will also be a lifelong nightmare of homesickness for you grief and friends time and tears will heal you to some extent tears will bathe and baptize and hydrate and you and the ground on which you walk do you know the first thing that god says to moses he says take off your shoes because this is holy ground all evidence to the contrary it's hard to believe but it's the truest thing i know
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because this is holy ground all evidence to the contrary it's hard to believe but it's the truest thing i know when you're a little bit older like my tiny personal self you realize that death is as sacred as birth and don't worry get on with your life almost every single death is easy and gentle with the very best people surrounding you for as long as you need you won't be alone they'll help you cross over to whatever awaits us as ram dass said when all is said and done we're really just all walking each other home i think that's it but if i think of anything else i'll let you know
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i posted this poster on this is an image of me and my daughter holding the israeli flag i will try to explain to you about the context of why and when i posted a few days ago i was sitting waiting on the line at the grocery store and the owner and one of the clients were talking to each other and the owner was explaining to the client that we're going to get missiles on israel and the client was saying no it's a day
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we don't know people from iran it's like on you have friends only from it's like your neighbors are your friends on and now people from iran are talking to me so i start answering this girl and she's telling me she saw the poster and she asked her family to come because they don't have a computer she asked her family to come to see the poster and they're all sitting in the living room crying so i'm like whoa i ask my wife to come and i tell her you have to see that people are crying and she came she read the text and she started to cry and everybody's crying now
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designer is you know to show everybody what i'd just seen and people started to see them and to share them and that's how it started the day after when really it became a lot of talking i said to myself and my wife said to me i also want a poster so this is her
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love that blue i love that star i love that flag this one is really moving for me because it's the story of a girl who has been raised in iran to walk on an israeli flag to enter her school every morning and now that she sees the posters that we're sending she starts she said that she changed her mind and now she loves that blue she loves that star and she loves that flag talking about the israeli flag and she wished that we'd meet and come to visit one another and just a few days after i posted the first poster the day after iranians started to respond with their own posters they have graphic designers
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and we received israeli posters israeli images but also lots of comments lots of messages from iran and we took these messages and we made posters out of it because i know people they don't read they see images if it's an image they may read it so here are a few of them you are my first friend i wish we both get rid of our idiot politicians anyway nice to see you i love that blue i love that star
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they want to respond they want to say the same thing so and now it's communication it's a two way story
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i don't hate you i don't want war this never happened before and this is two people supposed to be enemies we're on the verge of a war and suddenly people on are starting to say i like this guy i love those guys and it became really big at some point
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do you think the world is going to be a better place next year in the next decade can we end hunger achieve gender equality halt climate change all in the next years well according to the governments of the world yes we can in the last few days the leaders of the world meeting at the un in new york agreed a new set of global goals for the development of the world to and here they are these goals are the product of a massive consultation exercise
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invited ross and i to a grief retreat and we met about other grieving families who had donated their loved one's organs for transplant some of them had even received letters from the people who received their loved one's organs saying thank you i learned that they could even meet each other if they'd both sign a waiver almost like an open adoption and i was so excited i thought maybe i could write a letter or i could get a letter and learn about what happened but i was disappointed to learn that this process only exists for people who donate for transplant so i was jealous i had transplant envy i guess
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also explained that she is using thomas's retina and his to try to inactivate the gene that causes tumor formation and she even showed us some results that were based on res then she took us to the freezer and she showed us the two samples that she still has that are still labeled res there's two little ones left she said she saved it because she doesn't know when she might get more after this we went to the conference room and we relaxed and we had lunch together and the lab staff presented callum with a birthday gift it was a child's lab kit and they also offered him an internship
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i was three months pregnant with twins when my husband ross and i went to my second sonogram i was years old at the time and i knew that that meant we had a higher risk of having a child with a birth defect so ross and i researched the standard birth defects and we felt reasonably prepared well nothing would have prepared us for the bizarre diagnosis that we were about to face the doctor explained that one of our twins thomas had a fatal birth defect called anencephaly this means that his brain was not formed correctly because part of his skull was missing
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so i asked my nurse about organ eye and tissue donation she connected with our local organ procurement organization the washington regional transplant community explained to me that thomas would probably be too small at birth to donate for transplant and i was shocked i didn't even know you could be rejected for that but they said that he would be a good candidate to donate for research this helped me see thomas in a new light as opposed to just a victim of a disease i started to see him as a possible key to unlock a medical mystery on march the twins were born and they were both born alive
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this has earned me the nickname the poo princess in my family and it's ruined many family vacations because this is not normal but thinking about where it all goes is the first step in activating what are actually superpowers in our poop and pee
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i want to explain how it works but what words do i use i mean i can use profane words like shit and piss and then my grandma won't watch the video or i can use childish words like poo and pee eh or i can use scientific words like excrement and feces humph i'll use a mix
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our rainwater and our sewage go to the same treatment plant too much rain overflows into the river and portland is not alone here forty percent of municipalities self report dumping raw or partially treated sewage into our waterways the other bummer going on here with our status quo is that half of all of your poop and pee is going to fertilize farmland the other half is being incinerated or land filled and that's a bummer to me because there are amazing nutrients in your daily doody it is comparable to pig manure we're they're think of your poo and pee as a health for a tree
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the other bummer going on here is that we're quickly moving all the drugs we take into our waterways the average wastewater treatment plant can remove maybe half of the drugs that come in the other half goes right out the other side consider what a cocktail of pharmaceuticals hormones steroids does to a fish to a dog to a child but this isn't just some problem that we need to contain if we flip this around we can create a resource that can solve so many of our other problems and i want to get you comfortable with this idea so imagine the things i'm going to show you these technologies and this attitude that says we're going to reuse this let's design to make it beautiful as advanced potty training
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here's a great example where the integrated water management approach was the cheapest this is three high rise residential buildings in downtown portland and they're not flushing to the sewer system how well their wash water is getting reused to flush toilets cool mechanical systems water the landscape and then once the building has thoroughly used everything aka in it it's treated to highest standard right on site by plants and bacteria and then infiltrated into the groundwater right below and all that was cheaper than updating the surrounding sewer infrastructure so that's the last reason we should get really excited about doing things differently we can save a lot of money this was the first permit of its kind in oregon brave and open minded people sat down and felt comfortable saying yeah that shit makes sense
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so even though they're in a desert they get their own personal oasis this approach is called integrated water management or holistic or closed loop
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i got really curious about this question why don't we see more innovation in sanitation why isn't that kind of thing the new normal and i care so much about this question that i work for a nonprofit called we want to accelerate adoption of sustainable building and development practices we want more innovation
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today's regulations and codes were written under the assumption that best practices would remain best practices with incremental updates forever and ever but innovation isn't always incremental it turns out how we feel about any particular new technique gets into everything we do how we talk about it how we encourage people to study our jokes our codes and it ultimately determines how innovative we can be so that's the first reason we don't innovate in sanitation we're kind of uncomfortable talking about sanitation that's why i've gotten called the poo princess so much the second reason is we think the problem is solved here in the us
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we're kind of uncomfortable talking about sanitation that's why i've gotten called the poo princess so much the second reason is we think the problem is solved here in the us but not so here in the us we still get sick from drinking shit in our sewage water seven million people get sick every year die annually and we're not taking a holistic approach to making it better so we're not solving it where i live in portland oregon i can't take echo for a swim during the rainy season because we dump raw sewage sometimes into our river our rainwater and our sewage go to the same treatment plant
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each one of us is and something that could fertilize half or maybe all of our food depending on our diet that dark brown poo in the toilet is dark brown because of what dead stuff bacteria
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i think we as a culture are ready for advanced potty training and there are three great reasons to enroll today number one we can fertilize our food each one of us is and something that could fertilize half or maybe all of our food depending on our diet that dark brown poo in the toilet is dark brown because of what dead stuff bacteria that's carbon and carbon if we're getting that into the soil is going to bind to the other minerals and nutrients in there boom healthier food healthier people
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in recent decades we have come to take milk for granted we stopped seeing something in plain sight we began to think of milk as standardized homogenized pasteurized packaged powdered flavored and formulated we abandoned the milk of human kindness and turned our priorities elsewhere at the national institutes of health in washington is the national library of medicine which contains million articles the brain trust of life science and biomedical research we can use keywords to search that database and when we do that we discover nearly a million articles about pregnancy but far fewer about breast milk and lactation when we zoom in on the number of articles just investigating breast milk we see that we know much more about coffee wine and tomatoes
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about breast milk the first fluid a young mammal is adapted to consume should make us angry globally nine out of women will have at least one child in her lifetime that means that nearly million babies are born each year these mothers and babies deserve our best science recent research has shown that milk doesn't just grow the body it fuels behavior and shapes in researchers discovered that the mixture of breast milk and baby saliva specifically baby saliva causes a chemical reaction that produces hydrogen peroxide that can kill and salmonella
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recent research has shown that milk doesn't just grow the body it fuels behavior and shapes in researchers discovered that the mixture of breast milk and baby saliva specifically baby saliva causes a chemical reaction that produces hydrogen peroxide that can kill and salmonella and from humans and other mammal species we're starting to understand that the biological recipe of milk can be different when produced for sons or daughters when we reach for donor milk in the neonatal intensive care unit or formula on the store shelf it's nearly one all we aren't thinking about how sons and daughters may grow at different rates or different ways and that milk may be a part of that mothers have gotten the message and the vast majority of mothers intend to breastfeed but many do not reach their breastfeeding goals that is not their failure it's ours increasingly common medical conditions like obesity endocrine disorders c section and preterm births all can disrupt the underlying biology of lactation and many women do not have knowledgeable clinical support
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i was in hiroshima a couple of weeks ago and his holiness we're sitting there in front of thousands of people in the city and there were about eight of us nobel laureates and he's a bad guy he's like a bad kid in church we're staring at everybody waiting our turn to speak and he leans over to me and he says jody i'm a buddhist monk i said yes your holiness your robe gives it away
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to make a challenge to people i know there have been many challenges made to people the one i'm going to make is that it is time for us to reclaim what peace really means peace is not my lord peace is not the dove and the rainbow as lovely as they are when i see the symbols of the rainbow and the dove i think of personal serenity
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god no it was therapy and he asked me several questions of which many were why why are you fighting so hard not to be yourself and do you love what you do caroline and you know when you go to a global consulting firm they put a chip in your head and you're like i love i love i love my job i love i love i love i love my job i love
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not that we could have afforded i drive but to give me the dream of driving and on my seventeenth birthday i accompanied my little sister in complete innocence as i always had all my life my visually impaired sister to go to see an eye specialist because big sisters are always supposed to support their little sisters and my little sister wanted to be a pilot god help her
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no labels no limitations my ability and my potential and they decided to tell me that i could see so just like johnny sue a boy given a girl's name i would grow up and learn from experience how to be tough and how to survive when they were no longer there to protect me or just take it all away but more significantly they gave me the ability to believe totally to believe that i could and so when i heard that eye specialist tell me all the things a big fat no everybody imagines i was devastated and don't get me wrong because when i first heard it aside from the fact that i thought he was insane i got that thump in my chest just that huh but very quickly i recovered it was like that
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oh by the way dean it's going to fit on a percentile female frame namely inches from the long finger and weigh less than nine pounds percentile female frame and it's going to be completely self contained including all its power so they finished that and i as you can tell am a bashful guy i told them they're nuts
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and i've got a lot of day jobs but i figured i gotta do this did a little investigation went down to washington told them i still think they're nuts but we're going to do it and i told them i'd build them an arm i told them it would probably take five years to get through the and probably years to be reasonably functional look what it takes to make things like great he said you got two years
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anyway with less than hours of use two guys one that's bilateral he's literally he's got no shoulder on one side and he's high trans on the other and that's chuck and randy together after hours were playing in our office and we took some pretty cruddy home movies at the end of the one i'm going to show it's only about a minute and a couple of seconds long chuck does something that to this day i'm jealous of i can't do it he picks up a spoon picks it up scoops out some shredded wheat and milk holds the spoon level as he translates it moving all these joints simultaneously to his mouth and he doesn't drop any milk
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after a half an hour maybe there was one guy at the far end of the table who wasn't saying much you could see he was missing an arm he was leaning on his other arm i called down to the end hey you haven't said much if we needed this or this what would you want and he said you know i'm the lucky guy at this table i lost my right arm but i'm a lefty
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it's not about technology it's about people and stories i could show you what recently was on television as a high quality video minutes many of you may have seen it and it was the now director of the entire piece of the veteran's administration who himself had lost an arm years ago in vietnam who was adamantly opposed to these crazy devices that don't work and it turns out that with minutes cameras rolling in the background after he pretty much made his position clear on this he had his hook and he had his he wore this arm for less than two hours and was able to pour himself a drink and got quite emotional over the fact that quote his quote it's the first time he's felt like he's had an arm in years but that would sort of be jumping to the middle of the story and i'm not going to show you that polished video i'm going to instead in a minute or two show you an early crude video because i think it's a better way to tell a story
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a few years ago i was visited by the guy that runs darpa the people that fund all the advanced technologies that businesses and universities probably wouldn't take the risk of doing they have a particular interest in ones that will help our soldiers i get this sort of by me anyway visit and sitting in my conference room is a very senior surgeon from the military and the guy that runs darpa they proceed to tell me a story which comes down to basically the following we have used such advanced technologies now and made them available in the most remote places that we put soldiers hills of afghanistan iraq they were quite proud of the fact that you know before the dust clears if some soldier has been hurt they will have collected him or her they will have brought him back they will be getting world class triage emergency care faster than you and i would be getting it if we were hurt in a car accident in a major city in the united states that's the good news
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and they basically said this is unacceptable and then the punchline so dean we're here because you make medical stuff you're going to give us an arm and i was waiting for the pages of bureaucracy paperwork and no the guy says we're going to bring a guy into this conference room and wearing the arm you're going to give us he or she is going to pick up a raisin or a grape off this table if it's the grape they won't break it great he needs efferent afferent response sensors if it's the raisin they won't drop it so he wants fine motor control flex at the wrist flex at the elbow abduct and flex at the shoulder
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i'll build you an arm that's under nine pounds that has all that capability in one year it will take the other nine to make it functional and useful we sort of agreed to disagree i went back and i started putting a team together the best guys i could find with a passion to do this at the end of exactly one year we had a device with degrees of freedom all the sensors all the microprocessors all the stuff inside i could show you it with a on it that's so real it's eerie but then you wouldn't see all this cool stuff
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i was really really happy and i remember exactly where i was about a week and a half later i was sitting in the back of my used minivan in a campus parking lot when i decided i was going to commit suicide i went from deciding to full blown planning very quickly and i came this close to the edge of the precipice it's the closest i've ever come and the only reason i took my finger off the trigger was thanks to a few lucky coincidences and after the fact that's what scared me the most the element of chance so i became very methodical about testing different ways that i could manage my ups and downs which has proven to be a good investment
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i've had a lot of at bats many rounds in the ring with darkness taking good notes so i thought rather than get up and give any type of recipe for success or highlight reel i would share my recipe for avoiding self destruction and certainly self paralysis and the tool i've found which has proven to be the most reliable safety net for emotional free fall is actually the same tool that has helped me to make my best business decisions but that is secondary and it is stoicism that sounds boring
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you get furious with yourself that could cost you a game if you're a and you fly off the handle at a very valued employee because of a minor infraction that could cost you the employee if you're a college student who say is in a downward spiral and you feel helpless and hopeless unabated that could cost you your life so the stakes are very very high and there are many tools in the to get you there i'm going to focus on one that completely changed my life in it found me then because of two things a very close friend young guy my age died of pancreatic cancer unexpectedly and then my girlfriend who i thought i was going to marry walked out she'd had enough and she didn't give me a dear john letter but she did give me this a dear john plaque
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and after this i realized that on a scale of one to one being minimal impact being maximal impact if i took the trip i was risking a one to three of temporary and reversible pain for an eight to of positive life changing impact that could be a semi permanent so i took the trip none of the disasters came to pass there were some hiccups sure i was able to extricate myself from the business i ended up extending that trip for a year and a half around the world and that became the basis for my first book that leads me here today and i can trace all of my biggest wins and all of my biggest disasters averted back to doing fear setting at least once a quarter it's not a panacea you'll find that some of your fears are very well founded
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now lives in woodside california in a very nice place and of the people i've met in my life i would put him in the top in terms of success and happiness and there's a punchline coming so pay attention i sent him a text a few weeks ago asking him had he ever read any stoic philosophy and he replied with two pages of text this is very unlike him he is a terse dude
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i was a senior in college and it was right after a dance practice i was really really happy and i remember exactly where i was about a week and a half later i was sitting in the back of my used minivan in a campus parking lot when i decided i was going to commit suicide i went from deciding to full blown planning very quickly
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it's just an impassive creature taking whatever life sends its way you might not think of the ultimate competitor say bill head coach of the new england patriots who has the all time record for super bowl titles and stoicism has spread like wildfire in the top of the ranks as a means of mental toughness training in the last few years
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so around in athens someone named zeno of taught many lectures walking around a painted porch a that later became stoicism and in the greco roman world people used stoicism as a comprehensive system for doing many many things but for our purposes chief among them was training yourself to separate what you can control from what you cannot control and then doing exercises to focus exclusively on the former this decreases emotional reactivity which can be a superpower conversely let's say you're a quarterback you miss a pass you get furious with yourself
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she gave this to me to put on my desk for personal health because at the time i was working on my first real business i had no idea what i was doing i was working hour days seven days a week
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i had no idea what i was doing i was working hour days seven days a week i was using stimulants to get going i was using depressants to wind down and go to sleep it was a disaster i felt completely trapped i bought a book on simplicity to try to find answers and i did find a quote that made a big difference in my life which was we suffer more often in imagination than in reality by seneca the younger who was a famous stoic writer that took me to his letters which took me to the exercise which means the pre meditation of evils
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and i did find a quote that made a big difference in my life which was we suffer more often in imagination than in reality by seneca the younger who was a famous stoic writer that took me to his letters which took me to the exercise which means the pre meditation of evils in simple terms this is visualizing the worst case scenarios in detail that you fear preventing you from taking action so that you can take action to overcome that paralysis my problem was monkey mind super loud very incessant just thinking my way through problems doesn't work i needed to capture my thoughts on paper so i created a written exercise that i called fear setting like goal setting for myself it consists of three pages super simple
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thank you i have to tell you i'm both challenged and excited my excitement is i get a chance to give something back my challenge is the shortest seminar i usually do is hours
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you correct me if i'm wrong the defining factor is never resources it's resourcefulness and what i mean specifically rather than just some phrase is if you have emotion human emotion something that i experienced from you the day before yesterday at a level that is as profound as i've ever experienced and i believe with that emotion you would have beat his ass and won yeah how easy for me to tell him what he should do
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so the bottom line is maybe it was where to go to work and you met the love of your life there a career decision i know the geniuses i saw here i mean i understand that their decision was to sell their technology what if they made that decision versus to build their own culture how would the world or their lives be different their impact the history of our world is these decisions when a woman stands up and says no i won't go to the back of the bus she didn't just affect her life that decision shaped our culture or someone standing in front of a tank or being in a position like lance armstrong you've got testicular cancer that's pretty tough for any male especially if you ride a bike
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and there are seven different beliefs i can't go through them because i'm done the last piece is emotion one of the parts of the map is like time some people's idea of a long time is years somebody else's is three seconds which is what i have and the last one i've already mentioned that fell to you if you've got a target and a map i can't use because i love macs and they haven't made it good for macs yet so if you use how many have made this fatal mistake of using it you use this thing and you don't get there imagine if your beliefs guarantee you can never get to where you want to go
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and she played the recording for us in the room she was on larry king later and he said you're probably wondering how on earth this could happen to you twice all i can say is this must be god's message to you from now on every day give your all love your all don't let anything ever stop you she finishes and a man stands up and he says i'm from pakistan i'm a muslim i'd love to hold your hand and say i'm sorry but frankly this is retribution i can't tell you the rest because i'm out of time
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invite you to do by the end of this talk is explore where you are today for two reasons one so that you can contribute more and two that hopefully we can not just understand other people more but appreciate them more and create the kinds of connections that can stop some of the challenges that we face today they're only going to get magnified by the very technology that connects us because it's making us intersect that intersection doesn't always create a view of everybody now understands everybody and everybody appreciates everybody i've had an obsession basically for years what makes the difference in the quality of people's lives what in their performance i got hired to produce the result now i've done it for years
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i've had an obsession basically for years what makes the difference in the quality of people's lives what in their performance i got hired to produce the result now i've done it for years i get the phone call when the athlete is burning down on national television and they were ahead by five strokes and now they can't get back on the course i've got to do something right now or nothing matters i get the phone call when the child is going to commit suicide i've got to do something in years i'm very grateful to tell you i've never lost one it doesn't mean i won't some day but i haven't yet the reason is an understanding of these human needs when i get those calls about performance that's one thing
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those calls about performance that's one thing how do you make a change i'm also looking to see what is shaping the person's ability to contribute to do something beyond themselves maybe the real question is i look at life and say there's two master lessons one is there's the science of achievement which almost everyone here has mastered amazingly how do you take the invisible and make it visible how do you make your dreams happen your business your contribution to society money whatever your body your family the other lesson that is rarely mastered is the art of fulfillment
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question we've got to ask ourselves really is what is it what is it that shapes us we live in a therapy culture most of us don't do that but the culture's a therapy culture the mindset that we are our past and you wouldn't be in this room if you bought that but most of society thinks biography is destiny the past equals the future of course it does if you live there but what we know and what we have to remind ourselves because you can know something intellectually and then not use it not apply it we've got to remind ourselves that decision is the ultimate power
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if decisions shape destiny what determines it is three decisions what will you focus on you have to decide what you're going to focus on consciously or unconsciously
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in many ways our audacity to imagine helps push the boundaries of possibility for instance the museum of glass in tacoma washington my home state washington has a program called kids design glass and kids draw their own ideas for glass art the resident artist said they got some of their best ideas from the program because kids don't think about the limitations of how hard it can be to blow glass into certain shapes they just think of good ideas now when you think of glass you might think of colorful designs or maybe italian vases but kids challenge glass artists to go beyond that into the realm of snakes and bacon boys who you can see has meat vision
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true story by the way now adults seem to have a restrictive attitude towards kids from every don't do that don't do this in the school handbook to restrictions on school internet use as history points out regimes become oppressive when they're fearful about keeping control and although adults may not be quite at the level of totalitarian regimes kids have no or very little say in making the rules when really the attitude should be reciprocal meaning that the adult population should learn and take into account the wishes of the younger population now what's even worse than restriction is that adults often underestimate kids' abilities we love challenges but when expectations are low trust me we will sink to them my own parents had anything but low expectations for me and my sister okay so they didn't tell us to become doctors or lawyers or anything like that but my dad did read to us about aristotle and pioneer germ fighters when lots of other kids were hearing the wheels on the bus go round and round well we heard that one too but pioneer germ fighters totally rules
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which really bothers me after all take a look at these events imperialism and colonization world wars george w bush ask yourself who's responsible adults
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now what have kids done well anne frank touched millions with her powerful account of the holocaust ruby bridges helped to end segregation in the united states and most recently charlie simpson helped to raise pounds for haiti on his little bike so as you can see evidenced by such examples age has absolutely nothing to do with it the traits the word childish addresses are seen so often in adults that we should abolish this age discriminatory word when it comes to criticizing behavior associated with irresponsibility and irrational thinking
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each stage is magical because it creates the impression of something utterly new appearing almost out of nowhere in the universe we refer in big history to these moments as threshold moments and at each threshold the going gets tougher the complex things get more fragile more vulnerable the goldilocks conditions get more stringent and it's more difficult to create complexity now we as extremely complex creatures desperately need to know this story of how the universe creates complexity despite the second law and why complexity means vulnerability and fragility and that's the story that we tell in big history but to do it you have do something that may at first sight seem completely impossible you have to survey the whole history of the universe so let's do it
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first a video yes it is a scrambled egg but as you look at it i hope you'll begin to feel just slightly uneasy because you may notice that what's actually happening is that the egg is itself and you'll now see the yolk and the white have separated and now they're going to be poured back into the egg
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we have been playing guessing games with children all over the world here is an example so in this game we asked children to guess the numbers on the cards and we tell them if they win the game they are going to get a big prize but in the middle of the game we make an excuse and leave the room and before we leave the room we tell them not to peek at the cards of course we have hidden cameras in the room to watch their every move because the desire to win the game is so strong more than percent of children will peek as soon as we leave the room
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adult did you peek child no ok if you think child number one is lying please raise your hand and if you think child number two is lying please raise your hand ok so as a matter of fact child number one is telling the truth child number two is lying looks like many of you are terrible detectors of children's lies
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sums up very nicely three common beliefs we have about children and lying one children only come to tell lies after entering elementary school two children are poor liars we adults can easily detect their lies and three if children lie at a very young age there must be some character flaws with them and they are going to become pathological liars for life well it turns out all of the three beliefs are wrong
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so now let's take a closer look at the younger children why do some but not all young children lie in cooking you need good ingredients to cook good food and good lying requires two key ingredients the first key ingredient is theory of mind or the mind reading ability mind reading is the ability to know that different people have different knowledge about the situation and the ability to differentiate between what i know and what you know
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i joined years ago because i wanted female role models and i was frustrated by the lagging status of women in our profession and what that meant for our image in the media we make up half the population of the world but we're just percent of the news subjects quoted in news stories and we're just percent of the experts quoted in stories and now with today's technology it's possible to remove women from the picture completely this is a picture of president and his advisors tracking the killing of osama bin laden you can see hillary clinton on the right let's see how the photo ran in an orthodox jewish newspaper based in brooklyn hillary's completely gone
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this is an extreme case yes but the fact is women are only percent of the sources in stories on politics and only percent in stories on the economy the news continues to give us a picture where men outnumber women in nearly all occupational categories except two students and homemakers
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they tend to sensationalize and they lack context so for her graduate work she did a three part series on the murder of women found buried on west mesa she tried to challenge those patterns and stereotypes in her work and she tried to show the challenges that journalists face from external sources their own internal biases and cultural norms and she worked with an editor at national public radio to try to get a story aired nationally she's not sure that would have happened if the editor had not been a female stories in the news are more than twice as likely to present women as victims than men and women are more likely to be defined by their body parts wired magazine november yes the issue was about breast tissue engineering now i know you're all distracted so i'll take that off
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