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3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 26,June,2004 | urlLink We Are Family is a fascinating article on the Drag scene in Hawaii. What I found particularly of interest is the new forms of family units they are forming where several people live in a house under the care of a 'mother'. Maybe more so than in other gay communities, in Hawaii, drag queens are very central to local gay life. I suspect this is because the concept of the man living as a woman was not thought of as wholly unusual in the Hawaiian culture. As in other Native American cultures, gender wasn't thought of as a black and white male/female thing. In Hawaii, if a male showed that he was leaning toward life as a female he might be steered toward working with the women and living life among them. Well, of course, then Western Christianity came along and the rest, as they say, is history. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 22,June,2004 | I'm not a musician at all but I am finding urlLink These Series Of Articles on what REALLY goes on in the music business to be quite interesting. It's from a site that deals with the Hawaii music scene, but sharks asre shark whether they are in suits and tie or an Aloha shirt and slippers. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 22,June,2004 | |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 22,June,2004 | |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 22,June,2004 | Just your average Sasquatch in a bikini picture Move along please. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 22,June,2004 | Well, I know... you don't. But just for play... you can urlLink Be Dubya's Stylist so g'head...g'head... give it a try. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 21,June,2004 | In case of emergency... urlLink How To Become A Catholic . Just so you can say you have access to the info, okay? |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 21,June,2004 | Here's a whole mess of urlLink Sumo Pictures to peruse and ponder over. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 21,June,2004 | I'll show you the two paint-by-number clown pictures later....maybe... and the raised-relief pig coffee mug...and the other stuff... but I just had to jump the gun here and show you this... What you are gazing upon is a vintage Japanese import....Dachshund Teapot... you head me right the first time, friends and neighbors...his whole body is the teapot... his mouth is the spout. The back part near his tail is where you put the hot water or tea. On his back is a rack from which hang sugar and cream containers. The creamer is busted up and his tail has broken, but the pieces are all there and I can get glue. It's astounding... who thought this up? A dog teapot. Kitsch in it's purest form. Of course, we had to have it. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 21,June,2004 | ...in McFarlane's erotically nightmarish urlLink Twisted World Of Oz . An amazing interpretation of a familiar story. These are action figures. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 20,June,2004 | urlLink Complaints.com - publicize and read consumer complaints - it's also searchable. Before spending much, look up that company and see if any complaints have been entered. Realize that these are unresearched complaints, literally anyone can pop off about any company for any reason, fair or not. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 20,June,2004 | Well... if you want them... you can buy some little toys called urlLink Bush Brats which are a set of four little sculptures based on the... ahem... present administration... you can even buy them in a very select few bubble gum machines. Okay, maybe its just me... it's gotta be... but do these toys look anything at all urlLink Like These Little Numbers to anyone else? I mean... urlLink Look At The Ashcroft Figure and tell me there's not some subliminal marketing going on. All kidding aside, the person who does these is an excellent satirist, definately urlLink Check Out The Rest Of The Artist's Work . The piece urlLink Twin Towers is amazing as is urlLink Bush And Redemption . |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 20,June,2004 | urlLink Le Salon De Paint-By-Numbers has really just about everything you might want to know about yet another dying hobby. The gallery is a don't-miss. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 20,June,2004 | as we round the corner after seeing those Glads... we come upon The impatiens bed. Mixed in with some Coleus, the colors are amazing together I think. These are actually called New Guinea Impatiens. They look like little roses, especially these red ones. This has to be the queen of the flower bed, a wizard's coat Coleus in bloom. And an Acidanthera to finish things off in the garden tour for today. The Acidanthera is a relative of the Gladiolus and if you compare the layout of the petals you can see similarities. I hope you enjoyed this mini-tour. As always, more to come... |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 20,June,2004 | This is why, when Iget up in the morning, I get dressed and within 5 minutes am out walking through the gardens. I was aware that the glads were starting to bud up, but I wasn't prepared for how beautiful they'd actually be. Literally took my breath away. So just indulge me on these glads, ok? Aren't these spectacular? That close-up came out far better than I ever expected! Okay, I have more flower picture, but I'll save them for the next post. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 20,June,2004 | Due to the quick eye of a friend that orange flower from a few posts ago has been identified as....a variety of urlLink Coreopsis ! It seems like even more bloomed today since taking those pictures. They sure are prolific! |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 20,June,2004 | I found this urlLink Fascinating Article On Mongolia this morning. It seems they have a dilemma. About 80 years ago in the attempt to break up the people's identification by clan (their own class system), the communists declared that surnames were to be done away with. So in Mongolia, people were all literally on a first name basis with each other. Well, Mongolia became a democracy in the mid 1990s and in 1997 a law was enacted requiring everyone to have a surname again. The article was fascinating to me because of the problems the country is now facing in choosing surnames. Makes me think what I'd do in the situation. No remembrance of real family name and you are asked to choose one now. Wouldn't that make an interesting concept for a movie or story? |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 20,June,2004 | Here are a couple of photos taken just a few minutes ago. The first is one I cannot identify, came in a mixed 'wildflower' packet... The next is a Morning Glory.. the angle of the sun hit it just right to where it seemed to be glowing from the deep inside. A picture is only a reflection though, you really had to see it for yourself? What are the flowers doing in your part of the world? |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 03,July,2004 | Make your own countdown webpage at urlLink www.makeacountdown.com I'll try my hand at it a little bit later. This is mainlt to save the page for later funnage. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 02,July,2004 | George, ever the moral standard, adds 'keeper of the gates of heaven' to his presidential duties when he says urlLink bin Laden's Soul is Corrupted And He Cannot Be Saved . I guess he should know. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 02,July,2004 | urlLink CrazyMeds is the site for you. This isn't the kinds of pills I currently take but I found it looking up side effects on ones I do take. I like the site's no-nonsense attitude... I mean how many medical sites open with... Hi, how ya doin'? Not so good, huh? Right, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Well, with any luck we'll help you fell a little better. If you want to get started now, just pick the medication or issue you need to know about from the frame to the left. You did come to the main site, right? And your browser does support frames? I know, frames suck, and I suck as a web designer. Fortunately I have links to other pages all over the place, so even without frames you'll be able to navigate around with a little patience. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 02,July,2004 | To hear certain people of the conservative persuasion tell it, the following is what the 2004 Democratic National Convention schedule looks like: 2004 Democratic National Convention Schedule (There was one of these going around awhile back about the Republicans but, in all fairness, this one is much funnier, especially the last line.) 6:00 p.m. - Opening flag-burning ceremony. 6:00 p.m. - Opening secular prayers by Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton 6:30 p.m. - Anti-war concert by Barbra Streisand. 6:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 7:00 p.m. - Tribute theme to France. 7:10 p.m. - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund. 7:25 p.m. - Tribute theme to Germany. 7:45 p.m. - Anti-war rally (Moderated by Michael Moore) 8:25 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:30 p.m. - Terrorist appeasement workshop. 9:00 p.m. - Gay marriage ceremony (both male and female couples) 9:30.p.m. - Intermission 10:00.p.m. - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins 10:10 p.m. - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss. 10:20.p.m. - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg' 10:30 p.m. - Abortion demonstration by N.A.R.A.L. 10:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 10:50 p.m. - Pledge of allegiance to the UN. 11:00 p.m. - Multiple gay marriage ceremony: threesomes, mixed, and same-sex. 11:15 p.m. - 'Maximizing Welfare' workshop. 11:30 p.m. - 'Free Saddam' pep rally. 11:59 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 12:00 p.m. - Nomination of democratic candidate. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 01,July,2004 | But his loss is your gain at the urlLink Guru Garage Sale |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 01,July,2004 | Okay, it won't be THAT funny, I warn you. But here's a list of urlLink Fun Things To Do At A Yard Sale aka How To Get Dogs Sic'ed On You. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 01,July,2004 | ... people come to your house everyday mistaking that theres a garage sale. ... your most recent business improvement was repainting your Garage Sale sign. If any of the above apply, fear not... urlLink Yard Sale Supplies has you covered. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 01,July,2004 | Someone's transcribing the entire Fahrenheit 9/11 movie urlLink Over Here . The comments section contains very entertaining attempts at succinct ranting and raving. I found this via urlLink J-Walk Blog |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 01,July,2004 | urlLink JustGive can assist you in figuring out what charities are out there that you might want to support. Remember: 'People think that if they were rich they would contribute to charities. My experience has been if you don't start giving away your money when you have very little, you won't do it when you get a lot.' -Robert Bainum |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 01,July,2004 | .... if you haven't already made their acquaintance (and why not? where have you been?) urlLink 3 Blind Mice . They are a band from the UK that I think have a genuine chance of hitting it huge. Excellent songs, just pop enough to be accessible, but different enough to draw in those who aren't impressed by 'pop'... sound confusing? Give the site a looking over, sample the songs and let them know Lalo sent you. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 01,July,2004 | ...do you prefer the small local eateries to the McRonaldLand chains? If so... urlLink Roadfood should be your online destination du jour. So in the Middle-East would it be tremendously gauche to refer to the abovementioned fast food chain as MeccaDonald's? Or are we hated enough? |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 01,July,2004 | |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 01,July,2004 | |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 01,July,2004 | I am trying to get my mind around the concept of control. I think I have been toying with this for years now, on and off, but finally am writing my thoughts down in the attempt to get some clarity. Who is in control? What is in control? Is anything in control? I think I fall easily into a childish mode in thinking that 'they' will take care of us/me. Some vague parental figure that somehow keeps our nation afloat and will never let things get too bad... right? My mind easily rationalizes away outrage so that I believe that some cosmic control is behind the scenes, orchestrating things so they might get rough... but not as bad as in other countries... right? Or am I blinding myself, not willing to consider the possibility of chaos? Not willing to think of things as the wobbly tightrope it is? I live in my quiet rural enclave, far from outer chaos. Far from people out of control. I see the rhythms of nature and lull myself into the illusion that our human life is just as ordered. I am coming to the conclusion that the people at the wheel are incompetent and don't have our best interests in heart. They have sold us up the river. So what do I do with this conclusion? What do I do with my shattered illusion of parental control? I admit that the illusion needed shattering. But what to do now in rebuilding a world-view? I'm writing but I am not saying it nearly as clearly as I would like. It's frustrating. My fingers lag far behind my mind on typing this out. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 30,June,2004 | urlLink A Child's ABCs Of Terrorism |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 30,June,2004 | A very recent with the always interesting urlLink Jello Biafra I’m even reconsidering my olive branch where I’ll endorse Kerry if he gives me one of 10 copies he has left of the garage record he made in the early ’60s. I mean you can’t bribe me with money, but vinyl is another matter. But I’m not sure I could do that now. I’m just getting too bummed out by him. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 30,June,2004 | urlLink Natural Sciences Faculty - She cannot emigrate. No Sir. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 30,June,2004 | urlLink FFC Blood Banking : 'I got me some blood put in after I cut three fingers off with a putty knife. The nurses tell me that the blood didn't have no AIDS, but they didn't tell me it come from some unbeliever. Man sure must've been a sinner, because as soon as they got me out of the hospital I was cussing. Drinking. Fighting. Prowling around like an itchy cat.' |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 30,June,2004 | Here... go play some urlLink Dirty Computer Games ... happy now? |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 30,June,2004 | Comedian Patton Oswalt on urlLink 'Sixteen things I would be willing to vote for instead of George W. Bush:' |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 30,June,2004 | Yes here they are... urlLink Ghettofied Fabulous .... freakin' uncanny... |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 29,June,2004 | No, you heard me right the first time urlLink Dart.... Wallpapers for your computer screen. Why? Ummmmmm.. because? |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 29,June,2004 | From JACKSON PROGRESS-ARGUS Wednesday June 30, 2004 On June 24 at 6:24 a.m. officers answered a call from a female who stated that while driving, she came to a stop on Brownlee Road. She said that as she stopped a white male wearing blue jean shorts and a white shirt with a white bra underneath it entered her vehicle, He held a knife to her throat but said he did not want sex, he just wanted someone to understand him. He then forced her to drink a blue liquid. She said that after drinking the liquid she did not remember anything. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 29,June,2004 | When the captain realized the powers turn had shifted when he saw that all the crew had had their blindfolds lifted He grew quite mad this sea-borne king this ruler on the waves No more were they at his beck and command No more the humble slaves He pointed out to far horizons swore dread enemies were 'out there' but alas, no one remained to listen and no one left to care He screamed his voice out quite so shrill this former lord of men Some swear they hear his voice still calling when the wind hits now and then A tiny boat, a crew of rats his craft was pushed away by men grown long so wearied of lies and of being led astray Floating off into his appointed fate till mist enveloped him whole For what he'd done they whispered a prayer of mercy for his soul |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 29,June,2004 | 1. Never lie, and never let anyone cause you to lie. Truth, or the pursuit of it, is all we have. 2. Never do anything you are ashamed of. If you're ashamed that means somewhere inside you think it’s wrong; and if you think it's wrong, you shouldn't be doing it. 3. Take full responsibility for yourself. You are the only one who can say what goes into or comes out of your body. 4. Ałways admit when you're wrong. You’ll save thousands in therapy later - and a few friendships too. 5. Change your mind as often as possible. Just because you thought something yesterday but you don't have to think it today. Don't ever become a prisoner of your own opinion. 6. Beware of anyone who says they know. Trust me, they don’t, or they wouldn't have to say they did. 7. Take care of yourself first, then your family, then your friends. And if you have anything left over, share it. 8. Do something, anything, evey day to change the world. It doesn't have to be big, it could be giving a dime to a street person, planting a flower, picking up litter. Anything will change the world. 9.When you have nothing better to do, smile. You'll have to trust me on the miracle this step. 10. Make a bit of time every day to be alone and think. Five or ten minutes is enough. It will keep you sane. 11. Have all the sex you want — safe sex. Get lust out of your way. It's the only way I know to make sure you fall in love for the right reasons. And I want you all to find true love. 12. Learn something new every day. Read a newspaper article that you wouldn't normally read. Open a dictionary to a word you never heard, or never understood. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 28,June,2004 | 'Cause Noam Chomsky now has a blog.... urlLink Turning the Tide |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 28,June,2004 | The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis! Here is how you matched up against all the levels: Level Score urlLink Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Very Low urlLink Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) Very Low urlLink Level 2 (Lustful) Very High urlLink Level 3 (Gluttonous) High urlLink Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Low urlLink Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) High urlLink Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) Extreme urlLink Level 7 (Violent) High urlLink Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) Very High urlLink Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) Very High Take the urlLink Dante Inferno Hell Test |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 27,June,2004 | You just might one day need urlLink The Dysfunctional Family Letter Generator |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 27,June,2004 | urlLink Date to Save - Missionary Dating Tips ... a parody (one hopes) but a very clever one. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 09,July,2004 | I came across urlLink Humble Time 'The Songwriters Radio Showcase' tonight and after listening to a few of their programs I think you might enjoy checking them out as well. Texas indie singer-songwriter music emanating from the Freiheit Country Store where they supposedly make a damn good burger. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 08,July,2004 | is this one... Which you can get, along with several others I think you will like as well, at urlLink Tribal Sovereign Tee |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 07,July,2004 | ..check out urlLink This Free CD of the works of Confucius. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 06,July,2004 | ' urlLink Which Bob Dylan song are you? Ballad of a Thin Man urlLink urlLink Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by urlLink YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. ' |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 06,July,2004 | Check out urlLink T-Shirt Hell .... don't miss Gift Wrap hell while you are there... Here's an example of one of their milder designs... |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 06,July,2004 | urlLink FCC Media Ownership Rules Petition is a petition that seeks to prevent media monopoly of markets. Big corporations are at work to push a law allowing one corporation to own three TV stations, 8 radio stations, and the monopoly newspaper in a single market. I say 'big corporations' but many do not know that religious broadcasters are behind this as well. They'd love nothing better than the ability to buy up most of the sources of information in your town. I could say that money talks... it will go through anyway, right? But this law that big business is pushing was just overturned on June 24.... it has been sent back to the FCC for 'revision'. Now is the time to at least stand and be counted as a voice against complete media monopoly. They might get what they wanted regardless, but it won't be because you sat back and said nothing.... I hope. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 06,July,2004 | If you check out urlLink Mike's Message : Blog you'll be just getting in on the start of Michael Moore getting his blog going. Personable chit-chatty kind of stuff. Worth a read. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 06,July,2004 | You've probably seen all these, heck, you've most likely passed a few of these along... but here's a few blasts from the past... urlLink Classic Top Ten Lists : 'Top Ten ways to tell your car sucks 10...People behind you change lanes to keep your oil off their windshield 9...Tractor trailer drivers are afraid to pass you. 8...Opening your trunk includes finding a screwdriver. 7...Your driveway looks like an oil slick and the EPA cites you for it. 6...Your friends would rather walk or ride a bus to school or work than ride in it. 5...The motor is so loud you can't hear a dumptruck crash through a nitroglycerin factory. 4...You have ever had to leave it running for fear it might not start back up. 3...You have ever been chased down by a firetruck. 2...You refer to your car as beast, P.O.S. junker, or hooptee. 1...You have ever parked on the side of the road and someone stops and asks you if you are injured' |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 06,July,2004 | Well it's been long enough... certainly getting warm enough... so last night I got a wild hair... as it were... and shaved my head and goatee and moustache off. I'm not quite ready to go public with my new look... but I'll give you a visual to work with, mmmmkay? Start with a bit of Uncle Fester Add a few parts Sgt Garcia from the TV show 'Zorro' And now for a tincture of tenderness, but I must use only a touch... for without a touch of tenderness, he might destroy me... oops too much... (a prize to the first person who gets THAT reference....) Of course my ex thought I resemble this next guy when I shaved my face and... well... it sort of defined the relationship, what can I say? |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 05,July,2004 | Spice things up a bit by..... beatboxing! urlLink How to Beatbox - Video Tutorials |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 16,July,2004 | urlLink Awful Plastic Surgery features the good, bad and the ugly in celebrity plastic surgery. Some of these photos are disturbing, like seeing a face melt before your eyes. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 13,July,2004 | urlLink W Ketchup - one of those inexplicable products that people come up with during political years. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 13,July,2004 | What is that, you ask? urlLink SmartKlamp: the fine art of male circumcision. : 'The SmartKlamp� is a new, one time use only, circumcision tool, which is designed to create, a safer, faster, and smarter way to perform circumcisions. The SmartKlamp� is a small plastic device, which workings can be compared with the umbilical cord clamp. It consists of a plastic transparent tube of polycarbonate, and a white clamping mechanism of nylon. It is very light and easy to use.' Disgust and involuntary male squirming... just another service we provide here at The Lalo Show |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 11,July,2004 | urlLink Engine Studios , if you'll look on the left side of the page, has two links to VINYL... if you will click either... or both... you'll get access to 673 full-length oddball and classic LPs. Lots are of the thrift shop variety. You'll find lots to like here. Go rummage around. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 11,July,2004 | There's urlLink Elizajody's Bewitched Incantations ..., lots of the incantations from the TV show Bewitched complete with reverse spells too! |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 11,July,2004 | If you are.. you might enjoy taking a look at urlLink British Comedy Paper Dolls to color and cut out like good little children who play quiet games on Sunday. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 24,July,2004 | You know times are bad when.... |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 31,July,2004 | ...let me present... urlLink Oliver Willis for a progressive blog the likes of which I wish I knew how to write. How do these blog writers maintain such intensity? |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 26,July,2004 | urlLink Which internet subculture do I belong to? [CLICK] You are a urlLink Conspiracy Theorist ! Holy cow! You actually did an online quiz? Little did you realise that the information you gave us is being sent to an unknown government agency for evil use against you! Don't try to leave, we are already watching. urlLink More Quizzes at Go-Quiz.com |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 07,August,2004 | urlLink Japanese Cigarette Butt Disposal Signs |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 07,August,2004 | The urlLink Reverse Speech website finds enough free time on their hands to look for secret messages in speeches ... get this... if they are played in reverse . On the page highlighted above, the 2004 Democratic National Convention, played in reverse. But they need to tell you what to look for in advance because you'd never get 'woork wark tiddle tiddle smark boon' to sound like 'All rise to worship the anti-Christ... Michael Moore' without being prepped to look for it. Thank goodness there are people willing to sacrifice their time, effort and sanity to protect us like this. Politicians say enough scary crap FORWARD, man... |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 07,August,2004 | urlLink Build A Better Bush allows you to make... adjustments ...to dubya's face. Have fun. I did... for about 20 seconds. |
3,397,827 | male | 43 | indUnk | Scorpio | 07,August,2004 | ..or for extra grandstanding points, you can be Katherine Harris by creating your own terror alerts. But don't trouble yourself having to actually write an alert, just visit the urlLink Terror Alert Generator , fill in a few spaces and you too can have half the country jumping like puppets on a string. |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 31,May,2004 | I got the new Avril Lavigne album. Not too bad at all. Her first album was so much more better, but will take it. I hope she doesnn't feel the sophmore slump. It's got 12 tracks and runs for 40 minutes. She's moved away from Complicated and Sk8er boi to a new edgier sound that reminds you off Losing Grip . She's probobly number 1 this week. LOL if she does hit number 1, Usher will be back on top! Ya Usher's Confessions is the shiet so don't hate on it. No song or poem it's just an opinion log. *Final DaY oF the 3 DaY WeEkeND, WhaT DoeS 2DaY HaVe In StoRe 4 mE?* |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 30,May,2004 | The nice shiny ecko watch has ticked to 11:41 P.M. I had a the greatest nap ever. I slept from like 2:30 till like 8:05. I was making up lost sleep for the past week and I was exhausted from hanging out yesterday. I dunno why but in my dream, the first week of my relationship with my ex just flashed in front of me, everything we did that first week I saw. In Church, I daydreamed that we was on the ferry and I went overboard...BrB It's now 12:01 A.M Hmm...I think my ex just moved on. He's going out with someone tonight and I can't really stop him. Instead of being sad and upset like I use to be, I'm actaully kinda pissed and annoyed. I think i saidd something to soon about doing anything for him. I told him I'd do anything to get him. That maybe be true, but I don't appreciate being tested on that theory. I think he's trying to check me. Chances are, he probobly gonna hit that so...I'll figure it out. I was ready to message my friend and then I noticed her away. (Veena don't kill me please!) It said: 'If you have it [love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have.' In a way, that's true. I got love for my ex, it might not that be that love couples who were married you know 50 years or like our parents love eachother if their still married. But it was love. It wasn't real strong like words can't describe but I love the kid. I guess, I shoulda told him that. But, hey if he wanna go his own, that's his shiet. Guess he moved on, if you move after a month like that, guess it was nothing (or i didnt mean nothing;maybe he had someone else on the side). I understand now. Ya One Last Thing, that Vader dude, ya he whack. Vader, you bumped your head with that thinking im perverted and stuff. You, of course is the first to notice love. A smart person would have thought: 'hmm maybe he ment to say i live on decker ave. not I love on decker ave.' Again he musta bumped his head. How does the sprint guy deal with stupidity...(probobly same way I do with some of my peoples) First time ever, No song. *FunNy HoW 1 DaY iT WaS AlL GoOD n THeN dA neX iT FaLLs AParT* |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 29,May,2004 | It's 7:03 as I look at the time on my clock. It's been a nice day. I went out got air, ate chicken, and bought a bootleg copy of Avril Lavigne's Under My Skin . Yup, the wondering is done. It was a nice day. It was a 9.5 of 10. It was great. Windy breeze,not alone, and most of all school stress free. My ex came over and we hung out watched a movie. Itwas nice, it was calm, it was good. I guess, well, um, I dunno. He saw his entry in my phonebook. I think he was shocked. I named him: The 1 that hurts . But hey, I'm guessing. He got on the bus around 9 P.M. We had a cool time, you know. Hanging out, chillen. Went to KFC and we went to see my pal Christina who works at Papa Johns! (If you see her there, just say AJ sent you and annoy her like hell!) Lucky her she only works Friday and Saturday. I think she was a little ovewhelmed and shocked to see me. It was good though. Here's the log song, Drop In the Ocean . 'Love took me by the hand Love took me by surprise Love led me to you And love opened up my eyes And I was drifting away like a drop in the ocean And now I realize that nothing has been as beautiful As when I saw heaven's skies In your eyes In your eyes And every time I drift away I lose myself in you And now I see I can be me In everything I do 'Cause I was feeling as small as a drop in the ocean And now I realize that nothing has been as beautiful As when I saw heaven's skies In your eyes In your eyes Love took me by the hand Love took me by surprise And I was drifting away like a drop in the ocean And now I've realized that nothing has been as beautiful As when I saw heaven's skies In your eyes In your eyes' *iT waS A GreAT StarT 4 aN EvEnTFuL 3 DaY WeEkeND* |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 28,May,2004 | As my clock just hit's 11:10 A.M, I wonder what my day will be like. My ex is coming over. I got that confirmation at around 9:40 A.M. It's past 11 and he's not here. Must be traffic or something. I wonder what today brings and days after that, I often find myself wondering about everything that happens. I don't, I guess it's my nature to think and wonder. I guess it what sets me from others. Hey it shows I care; Right?!?! I got my acceptance letter for the summer scholorship at C.S.I! I think I already said that last night...but who cares! I have an english report to do which I find so silly. I'm just happy i only have to worry about my report and about no one else's. No worrying about helping them find a concept, no more helping them to type it, no more me doing it at all period! Still, I often wonder if I'll go back to that. It was aggravating, but there are sometimes that I do miss those times. I don't know i guess it kept me busy. Nah! I'm busy with my life they can handle their own!. Ok, I guess I'll go order pizza and answer the door! Here's this log's song! It's Chris Issak - I Wonder! I don't feel like putting any of my own originals up. I don't anyone to take it off my site like the first one i put! 'When I was younger I believed, that dreams came true. Now I wonder. Cause' I've seen much more dark skies, than blue. Now I wonder. I keep on praying for a blue sky, I keep on searching through the rain. I keep on thinking of the good times, will they ever come again? Now I wonder. I keep on praying for a blue sky, I keep on searching through the rain. I keep on thinking of the good times, will they ever come again? Now I wonder. When I was younger I believed, that I could win. Now I wonder. There was a time when you and I, walked hand & hand. Now I wonder. I keep on searching for the old me, I keep on thinking I can change. I keep on hoping for a new day, will I ever feel the same? Now I wonder. Oh I wonder. Now I wonder.' |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 28,May,2004 | SuP! Man I woke up so irritated today. I just did not want to be bothered by anything or anyone. Ironically, my school had Harmony Day today. I was at school wearin 2 shirts and it was hot as hell. I was just even more irritated and losing my patience. I just got real obnoxious and you know what...I liked it. Since I didn't really care anymore this was a good release of anger. I didn't bring any home but a little irritation 'cause of the rain. I got my summer scholorship letter from C.S.I! I'll be taking PsY100 this summer. I'm just happy that I will be seeing my friend JoeY(Veena) 'cause it's been like almost 1 year since I saw her! Well tomorrow the ex and I will be hanging out for most of the day. Whatever happens will happen and so forth. I think he will be coming around 9 or 10 A.M and my parents get home around like 9 P.M. I don't want to jinx it, but I'm hoping he can come! Right now, I'm listening to the last 2 Britney albums. They have more of a techno-trance-house, basically clubbing music. It's Great! It's 11:08 on my clock and I'm gonna shower. I went out tonight with the parents for dinner. You want the details, just ask. It's not what I thought it would be... The song I put in is Britney Spears - What It's Like to be Me, of her third album Britney . I just put in the chorus cause well it's basically telling my old acquaintances off and my friends who are on the verge of geting cut off or getting a relationship downgrade. 'Walk a mile in my shoes Do me right or I'm through Can't you see that If you wanna stay around (I’m tellin you) You’ve got to figure me out Take your time or you lose This is my game, my rules And I can see, obviously, Baby You don't know What It's like to be me' *HoPiN 4 aN EveNtFuL 3-DaY WeEkeND* |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 27,May,2004 | Well its the first day that I'm telling people to leave me the fuck alone. I deleted half my buddy list and I never ever want to go back to who I was. Time will tell if I go back. For now, just working on me is good. I still want that relationship; don't get me wrong! But as far as being everyone's personal assistant, wardrobe consultant, secret agent, and psychologist, I'm threw. I don't need that stress. I'm just going to keep to myself and not even let out a helping hand. I'm just taken for granted and I don't need that. I want to thank my ex for helping me realize that. I had a conversation with him yesterday. It was ok, no more benefits and i have to get a reality check that, that part of him is gone forever and it's not coming back. I also decided to stop drinking. No more stress, no more reason to drink. Here's another song. It's basically saying that I'm leaving my life behind cause I don't want to be the one who's down anymore. The song is saying that I'm leaving someone, the truth is I'm leaving who I use to be. 'Here I am take me It's easier to give in Some people mistake me They only hear what they want to hear If you're losing sleep Forgive me I just can't keep pretending I'm packing my bags 'cause I don't wanna be The only one who's drowning in their misery And I'll take that chance 'cause I just wanna breathe And I won't look back and wonder how it's supposed to be How it's supposed to be There's a prism by the window It lets the light leak in I wish you would let me You feel the water but do you swim? And it's only me empty-handed With a childish grin and a camera I'm packing my bags 'cause I don't wanna be The only one who's drowning in their misery And I'll take that chance 'cause I just wanna breathe And I won't look back and wonder how it's supposed to be How it's supposed to be la da da da I'm packing my bags 'cause I don't wanna be The only one who's drowning in their misery And I'll take that chance 'cause I just wanna breathe And I won't look back and wonder how it's supposed to be How it's supposed to be 'Cause I'm packing my bags And I won't be back' *WondEr WhaT i'M DoiNG ThiS MeMoriAL DaY* |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 26,May,2004 | I guess this is a new attitude for me. Just mind my own shiet and fuck it. To tell you the truth, I'm just gonna sit there and let everything unfold. I'm just going to sit, be quiet and not care anymore. I don't want to care about so much anymore. I shouldn't be here trying to solve anybody else's crap. I'm too stressed and I don't really need it, God knows I don't get help from anyone about anything. Fuck the caring about helping people. Fuck the empty promises; I'm the only one who keeps there end of the deal. Fuck the 'I'll Call You Back' cause no one ever does but me. Fuck the guy who use to think love is the greatest thing. Fuck the advice that no one gives back. Fuck the issues I solve and get not even a thank you in return. Fuck the way I get screwed over. Fuck the faith I once had. Fuck the sacrifices. Fuck the person who I was once; the one that thought love was worth it. Fuck the person who I was once; always taking chances. Fuck it. The song I put, it just says, well figure it out. It say it there, I don't care anymore, I want to see how people deal without me: MobY - The Great Escape I'll use a lock that has no key Aren't you in chains That no one else can see Let the water creep over your face I'll send it in waves Just to watch you perform the great escape How long can you hold your breath While you hold mine again and wait Just to watch you perform the great escape I'll pull your arms tight behind you back Use myself as weight And wonder while you fade How long can you hold your breath While you hold mine again and wait Just to watch you perform the great escape *Maybe one day I'll have faith again* |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 25,May,2004 | 'It gives meaning to each moment, It's what our hearts are all made of' That was something said in a song that I heard a long time ago that I remembered that I wanted to say. There's a reason why I wrote this entry. I'm taking a vacation from myself. I don't know if it's permanent or not, but it's something I have to do. It's time for me to take a break from my personality. It's been a long time coming and I think it's time. To me, helping people is one of the most meaningful things I can do and offers the greatest reward. Though it maybe true, I am myself a hypocrite. One time I told someone this: 'A liFe 2 HeLP oTheRs is MeAninGLesS iF YoU CaN'T FirST HeLP YouRseLF' I realized that i was so hooked on helping everyone around me with them, that I didn't get a chance to work on myself. My relationship suffered because of it ofcourse. But that's not even the main point. I've been helping everyone around me succeed and make their lives better that I made my life hell. I can't get help from anyone because I'm the one they turn to. I can't help myself and no I can help me. The one person that did help me in a way is gone in that shade of light. He tells me that I gotta do me first. I'm so stubborn so I just shrugged it off. He's right. It is time for me to help myself. I have to work on me. Helping myself is not an easy task. The one thing I really want to work on is my relationship side. I helped on everyone else's relationship that i never worked on my own and in a way took it for granted. I didn't put 110% of myself into it. This is my goodbye to that part of my life. Christina Aguilera - Cruz 'I'm leaving today Living it, leaving it to change Slowly drifting into a peaceful breeze Tounge tied and twisted are all my memories Celebrating a fantasy come true Packing all my bags Finally on the move I'm leaving today I'm living it, I'm leaving it to change As I'm driving, I'm captured by the view So much beauty, the road becomes my muse The heat is rising, and my hand surfs through the wind Cool, calm, collective as a child that lies within See I'm leaving today I'm living it, oh I'm leaving it to change See I'm leaving today Oh yes, I'm living it, I'm leaving it to change But somehow I'll miss it I think I'll really miss it, one day I turn on the radio And I'm feeling like Ive never felt before Turn down the memories of yesteryears and broken dreams I'm free, finally free Slowly drifting into the peaceful breeze I'm leaving today Oh yeah, I'm living it(oh yes), leaving it to change(to change) Oh no, see I'm leaving today(oh yes) I'm living it(living it) Leaving to change(ohhh) I'm leaving today Living it, leaving to change Living(to change), leaving to change(oh yeah) Living it, leaving it Said I'm living it, I'm leaving it Living it, leaving it to change I'm leaving it to change But somehow I'll miss it, I think I'll really miss it one day' |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 25,May,2004 | As I look at my clock it's 8:19 P.M I called my ex and just spoke for a few minutes. He said he was going to take a shower and call me back. He said that three days in a row. I have faith but you know. I sitll like him a lot. Maybe I should tell him I want him back. I was about to. I mellowed out on the phone when I was talking to him. I almost told him I wanted him to give us a second chance. Its hard not to ask him 'cause he's so good. Right now we're friends with benefits and that's not really enough for me, plus if we stay like that, soon it will just dwindle to nothing. Oh well, school sucked today like always and I could really give a shiet anymore since my social life is fucked up and bugged out. I'm going to call him later and tell him I finally took is advice. LoL Sarah McLaughlin - Push Every time I look at you the world just melts away All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am And when you fall you offer me a softer place to land You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together You're the one true thing I know I can believe in I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe No matter what I say or do 'cause you're to good to fight about it Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go There are times I cant decide when i cant tell up from down You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm OK Sometimes thats just what we need to get us through the day |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 24,May,2004 | I just finished working out. I'm sitting here thinking as I listen to songs ranging from club to trance to meditation to break ups. I found this online and i thought it was interesting: TuXeDO MiRaGE At a crescent-shaped chalet, I take off my star piercings. What do I do? My heart, my heart is full. Should the fireworks become stars, should love be put out in the dark, Please don't take the kiss away. It's okay if you steal me away with the scent of velvet To a love that this heart met out in the galaxy! The cloak of the night extends outward in rainbow colors Love me more and more Tuxedo mirage Tuxedo mirage The canary music box softly fades out. What do I do? My heart, my heart is plugged. Should the tears become stars, should the carousel disappear, Please don't take the kiss away. I want to be pulled in by your glance of velvet To a love that this heart pledged out in the galaxy! Hold me close, gently, amid the storm of flowers Stay near me forever and ever Tuxedo mirage Misty's Song Out here in the quiet of the night Beneath the stars and moon We both know we got something on our minds You won't admit but it's true You look at me I look away I wanna tell you what I'm feeling But I don't know how to start I wanna tell you but now I'm afraid That you might break my heart Oh why should anything so easy Ever be so hard to do I wanna tell you what I'm feeling and to say that I love you I practice all the things that I could say Line by line, every word I tell myself today would be the day But every time I lose my nerve I look at you You look away I wanna tell you what I'm feeling But I don't know how to start I wanna tell you but now I'm afraid That you might break my heart Oh why should anything so easy Ever be so hard to do I wanna tell you what I'm feeling And to say that I love you Why? Why do you turn away? It must be you're afraid like me. I try but I can't pretend that I Don't feel for you the way I do Can't you see? I wanna tell you what I'm feeling But I don't know how to start I wanna tell you but now I'm afraid That you might break my heart Oh why should anything so easy Ever be so hard to do I wanna tell you what I'm feeling And to say that I love you |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 23,May,2004 | It was another boring day in school and I'm hung up on my ex. I was planning to tell him something. I wanted to tell him that I want a second chance with him. I want to tell him that I understand that I'm clingy and that pushes him away. I want to tell him that I'm improving with my flaws and that I understand. I think it scares him that I have a lot of emotions. When I'm around with other people that I'm not clsoe with, I seem like the happy, go-lucky, naive, and carefree person. To people it looks like I'm just loveless and being single is the best. They also see that I'm not relationship material. The truth is, I'm not happy. I want a relationship with someone special, someone unique. I want a relationship with him. We tried and it didn't work out. If I ever wanted to have a second chacne, it would be with him. He's a special person and it hurts to go day by day knowing that I'm not with him in that way. I want him to look in his heart and mine to see that maybe it's worth a second try. I don't want to regret not trying. I don't want to be thinking of all the what if's. He makes me happy and I want another chance to make him as happy as I am. He makes me feel wanted and i want to make him feel the way I feel, the feeling of warmth and security to know that will always be there when we need eachother. I know that I have flaws and I worked hard to fix those. I want him to know that I'm ready to give it another go and I'll be better this time. I want to tell him all of that. But what if tells me that he doesn't want to talk to me or see me anymore because of what I said. This is an excerpt from Mandy Moore ft. Jonathan Foreman - Someday We'll Know 'Someday we'll know why Sampson loved Deliah one day I'll go dancing on the moon someday you'll know that I was the one for you I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow I watched the stars crash in the sea if I could ask God just one question why aren't you here with me... tonight' I guess this is one thing he won't ever know. Maybe he will find this post and read it. Maybe he will think about it again. Or maybe I'll break one of these days and tell him. |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 23,May,2004 | O WoW!!! i Looked up the compatability for LeO and Cancer. My ex is a leo and i'm a cancer. i don't usally believe this stuff but this one is true. As cancer the crab, i am moody and i do change moods many times a day. read what this website said: 'Sex could turn a one-night stand into marriage. The only problem arises when Cancer becomes moody. When Cancer gets moody, Leo will withdraw and seem selfish. The more Cancer clings, the worse Leo becomes. Leo needs to understand that Cancer is more sensitive than they appear and Cancer needs to know that Leo is faithful but needs a boys/girls night out every once in a while. Leo will make Cancer feel loved like never before and Cancer provides Leo emotional security in love. This is a good choice for both signs. Sex and love are very possible. Strong compatibility and loyalty will survive any stormy moments.' After reading that, I don't know if this raises or lowers my hope of getting back together. I don't know why i dwell on this so much. Another site said that cancers are moody, stubborn, and dwell on the past. OMG, i do what i tell people not to do. This tells you right here that I pushed him away. I'M a LoSeR!!!! WhY DiDn'T I sEe mY OwN FaULtS??? |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 22,May,2004 | How nice is this! It's 90 degree's outside and I'm burning inside. As I look at my cellphone, it just struck 4 P.M and i just decided to call my ex again. His mother said he wasn't home and she'll tell him I called. I'll just call back later. I'm sitting here thinking about what he said and the conversations we had. I told him my weird thing about celebrating one anniversary after a break up. June 4, 2004 would have made 2 months. It sucks that we didn't get any farther, but he said it happens for a reason. That reason is yet to be defined. I found this really nice song by Jennifer Love Hewitt. Read it, it reminds me of my ex and I. 'If you really love me Don't try and change me When you look in the mirror It's not me you see I don't want your choice as mine No, that never crossed my mind I want you just the way you are 'Cause boy, you're everything I'm not And that's all I've ever wanted If we ever come close If we ever discover How to hold on and keep our faith in each other The difference between us Will keep us together If we open our eyes Don't look any further 'Cause we've found all we'll ever need in each other The difference between us Will keep us together I tell you our love is everlasting You promise to give your best every morning We don't have to compromise Try to live each other's lives We can be ourselves tonight If we ever come close If we ever discover How to hold on and keep our faith in each other The difference between us Will keep us together If we open our eyes Don't look any further 'Cause we've found all we'll ever need in each other The difference between us Will keep us together So don't forget The words I've said There's nothing there I might regret No, don't play games inside your head What's going on inside your head? If we ever come close If we ever discover How to hold on and keep our faith in each other The difference between us Will keep us together Will keep you here, right by my side If we ever come close If we ever discover How to hold on and keep our faith in each other The difference between us Will keep us together If we open our eyes Don't look any further 'Cause we've found all we'll ever need in each other The difference between us Will keep us together Will keep you here, right by my side' The only difference with the song and us is that we didn't love eachother yet but I was starting to. I think he was still waiting for something to happen or me to do something that is like a sign that this will happen. I hope i'll have a chance to talk to him later tonight. I just like hearing his voice. I feel as I'm losing faith and that the odds of him coming back to me are now dwindling as he proboly has moved on. I'm proboly already in the friends zone with benefits. I hope I'm the only benefits he's getting. |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 22,May,2004 | This is another one of my favorite songs. This is DJ Sammy ft. Yanou - Heaven (CandleLight RemiX) OoOh...Thinking about our younger years there only you and me we were young and wild and free Now nothing can take you away from me We've been down that road before But thats over now You keep, me coming back for more.... Baby you're all that I want When you're lying here in my arms I'm finding it hard to believe we're in heaven And love is all that I need and I found it there in your heart It isn't to hard to see were in heaven.... OoOh... Once in your life you find someone He will turn your world around Pick you up when you're feeling down Now nothin can change what you mean to me There's alot that I can say just hold me now Cause our love will light the way.... Baby you're all that I want When you're lying here in my arms I'm finding it hard to believe we're in heaven And love is all that I need and I found it there in your heart It isn't to hard to see were in heaven..... I've been waiting for so long Something do right Love to come along Now my dreams are coming true through the good times and the bad I'll be standing there by you......... Baby you're all that I want When you're lying here in my arms I'm finding it hard to believe we're in heaven And love is all that I need and I found it there in your heart It isn't to hard to see were in heaven..... OoOoOoOhhhhhhhh......... OoOoOoOhhhhhhhh......... We're in heaven................................. This song is how I think romantic love should be. All you need is eachother.... |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 22,May,2004 | Good morning! Ya its early i know. It's 8:30 A.M right now as i look at my clock. I couldn't sleep much last night and i woke up on my own. My feelings for him are growing and i don't know how to stop it. It's like its alive in me and we're still alive, knowing that we're done with that relationship. With everyone else, friends is enough and I can't nor want anything more. This time, I want more. I want it from him. He's the one I want. I go crazy every now and then just thinking and letting it through that its over. But what do you do when you have all the love and care in the world, but you have no one to give it to? What do you do when the one you want doesn't want you like that anymore? What do you do? My friend Tinka said this should have been our song or my song for him. It's k-Ci n JoJo's CraZY 'I can't think, think about this crazy day I lose sleep just to daydream about you babyyyyyyyy I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, just to thinkin about you lately (crazy baby) I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, just to thinkin about you baby (I don't know what to do) I'm going crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, thinkin about you lately (crazy, crazy, crazy) I'm going crazy, crazy, (crazy, crazy) when I can't touch you Crazy, crazy (I'm going crazy) when I can't hold you Crazy, crazy, (I'm going crazy) when I can't see you again (Said I'm going crazy' Today makes one week of our break-up. I've built the illusion of us still being togeter. The reality of it being over hasn't fully sunk in nor will it for a long time. He's not jsut someone where i can buy something and think to myself it's ok forget about that like it was nothing. This was something that retail therapy isn't going to help at. There isn't enough stuff in the world to buy to make me forget about him. I guess the fear of the unknown and the what if's are what's keeping me going. What if i wasn't so naggy? What if i didn't listen to everyone around me about how i treated him? What if we gave up and this could be what we were looking for; What everyone in life looks for? That someone where even if you feel and look like shiet, they'll tease you about it and tell you that your still good. The feeling of knowing you can count on someone more then friends... it's 8:42 A.M and I'm going to end this post. I'm going to go through my memmory box i have of mines and his. Maybe just like death, i should celebrate the relationship and the fun we had and not mourn over it ending. Maybe it wasn't ment to be...............or maybe it is and we're too young to realize. |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 22,May,2004 | Another day, Another search for the cure of loneliness i feel. LOL, what a weird day. My friend Christina and I made a bet about the Pistons and Nets game. She won so I had to teach her my signature lap dance. Well today, she told me to forget about that and meet her at funstation to 'hang out'. That smelled fishy to me. She doesn't like arcades so I thought maybe it was another hook up. She's trying to get me to forget about my ex so she's setting me up with people. I told my ex to call my phone at around 6:45 P.M. just incase it was a hook up. I told him that I keep getting setup. He thought that I moved on quick. I figured out something. I called Christina to find out what's going down and I told her that I couldn't go because of something important. She gave up the lie and told me there was gonna be someone there for me. I told her off and went back to talking ot my ex. Christina just wants me to move on and fuck 'em. The truth is, I never moved at all. I'm still his and I'm waiting until I'm his again or if he moves on, I will have to move on too. I'm afraid to tell him about those blind dates because I don't want him to say fuck it and forget about me. I told him that today. He wants me to be happy. I told him what is the only thing that would make me happy and I know i'll never get that. We just talked for awhile. He hasn't called back, so i'll call him back. Around 9:00 P.M, Christina called me and had the nerve to put me on 3-way with the blind date. The dude was a complete dickhead. I cursed him out and told him that I have an STD and someone I'm completely involved with already. The guy said I was a nasty man-hoe and that he was out. I started laughing and told Christina to stop doing that. We argued and bitched for an hour. It's 11:38 P.M, and I'm gonna call him back. I want to tell him this, it's funny.!!! This is the first time I'm using a song that has nothing to do with Hotel Paper! 'Something's missing And I don't know how to fix it Something's missing And I don't know what it is, no I don't know what it is At all I can't be sure that this state of mind Is not of my own design I wish there was an over-the-counter test for loneliness For loneliness like this' |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 20,May,2004 | HeY You GuyS! This is my posting for Friday 5-21-04! I came home late so i didn't have the chance to put it in. This was Friday: Well it's another Friday. BLAH BLAH BLAH! Thursday night i told my parents and i needed a break so i told them i was going to go to the city to see Shrek 2 with my friends. (The truth is I have no plans and i just wanted them to know i was going out just incase I make plans during the day.) So i got my $40 and come home at 10:00 P.M Ok now its Friday, woke up got to first period on time.....BLAH BLAH BLAH. Nothing happened until third period when I went to the Cosmetology class. I called my friend (who is my ex that I cannot get enough off)to find out what he was doing today. It was 9:00 A.M! LOL, he wanted to know why i made plans so late. I told him i want to go to the movies and then get something to eat. He wanted to know if i got money like that. I told him i had about $45 on me. (truth is I had $35, cause i bought food that morning.)He said ok, and that I was going to take the 12:30 boat. I also told him to call my phone before he gets on the ferry. Well after gym, I got the call. He was leaving his house on the way to see me. I told my teacher (who's the fucken coolest cause he lets me leave when i want to) that I needed to go today. Today was the practice Practical portion of my Earth Science Regents. Lisa, a non-student school assosciate/para got mad that i was leaving again! She told me I needed this and I was like, 'whatever been there done that, YATA YATA YATA, more important things to move on to' I stayed anyway just to see the lab and do atleast one. I ran out of the class at 12:20 running for the boat. I got to the boat as it was getting ready to leave. I was the last person to get on and I was soo relieved. I got to the other side at 1:00 P.M looking for him. Like a retard, I caleld his house. (I'm a little paranoid, what if he doesn't come like the last time..(but hey i know that I have to take chances) the first train came and none of the people that got off was him. I bought an unlimited metro card and waited at the train station until he got off. I only waited about 5 minutes. He asked me what i was doing there. I told him i was waiting for him and i bought an unlimited metrocard. I bought him an issue of complex magazine since i know he likes that and XXL. We walked to southstreet seaport while he read the magazine. We walked into South Street Seaport Mall. I then decided that i want to go 42nd street. As we walked to the station, I told him i need to go back on the island. I told him about what my mom said and we hopped back on the boat. I showed him what i wrote on the boat and then i asked him how he puts up with me. I think what I wrote on the boat scared He just turned away and listened to his CD Player. We got back on the island and walked up the block to my school. He stood about 5 feet behind me as I waited for Jasmin to do me a favor. She was tired and was on Chris' shoulder. (There is something about Chris I don't trust, I think he's shady and I have always not trusted him when it came to Jasmin.)After that, we went to the U.A on Forest Ave. The bus ride was about an hour and we had to walk another 10 minutes because the bus doesn't stop in front of the theatre anymore. We saw Troy which was extremely good and Van Helsing which was extremely crappy. After that we went to McDonald's to eat and went to the ferry 'cause I had to go home. I went with him to the ferry and made him sit with me at the benches at the baseball stadium. At 11, he took the boat and went home, and so did I. I felt closer to him today. Spending time with him brought back feelings and memmories. In my head, we're still together. I guess I built that illusion in my head because the reality of it I can't deal with. He told me that Truth Hurts. I told him reality hurts. Since our breaking up, I never told him that I went on 2 blind dates. My friends have all told me to get over it and move on. They tell me that I should Fuck him and not even bother talking to him at all becuase he's an asshole. The truth is.... the people they set me up with were assholes. There the most rude, self-centered, mirror-loving, shallow people I've ever met. They make me look like a saint. I even tried doing something annoying to them that i would do to my ex. They got pissed and annoyed. Lucky for me, I had a way out, I told my cousin of my situation and I got her to call me every 30 mins to tell me to come home. I would say a keyword if it was ok for her to stop calling. I would say another keyword if they should call back again. Out of those 2, they lasted 30 minutes with me. After that, it made me appreciate my ex more. He gets me, he understands me, and he can put up with me. Since that asshole from PA left my life, I started to become attached to people. My ex is the first person i became truly and lovingly attached to. I want to work on myself some more so if we do get a second chance, I want us to be perfect. I just wished he was still with me in that way while we were ourselves out. Hanging out with him today, I also hoped that maybe we'd comeback to eachother. Hey wishful thinking doesn't hurt.(Well except me since it was my wish and he wishes to establish himself by himself.) He's the only one who truly gets me without knowing that he does. Tomorrow is a new day............................................... 'Cause you get me When nobody understands You come and take the chance, baby You get me When none of the pieces fit You make sense of it You get me You look inside my wild mind Never knowing what you'll find And still I want you all the time Yeah, I do Cause you get me Yeah, oh, yeah, oh' |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 20,May,2004 | hi! Another boring day. During school today, my ex's brother called me. (He's my friend but, for some reason i just refer to him as my ex because I have the feeling we won't be coming back to eachother) i kept trying to figure out why he did. Today is game 7 of Piston's vs Nets. I made a bet with one of my friends that if the Piston's win, i have to teach her how to give a goof lap dance. If i win, she has to be my personal assitant for the day! After school, I went with my friend Jasmin from school to the city to go get Starbucks.(LoL, we're such dorks, we took the ferry over to Manhatten for a cup of cold coffee!) I Loved the conversations we have. I rather talk to a girl then a guy, because most girls have that deep emotion/connection with themselves. Most guys only care about sports, shoes, and the sluts they sexed up. I called my ex around 4 P.M. He has no clue why his brother called me. It's ok. I asked him what was going on with him. He said it was ok and he was going to go out today to eat and walk around his neighborhood. He said he would call me back later. I'm not holding my breath. If he calls, he calls. If he doesn't, tomorrow is a new day. I still feel very close and attached to him. On the ferry, i found where i wrote mines and his initials on the ferry. I wrote something else next to it. It's on the 'American Legion' ferry all the way in the back the third row on the left by the window and the door leading outside into the outside side seats. Its written on the seat next to Jasmin *heart* Chris. I want to show my ex what i wrote one day. Maybe he will find it on his own. I miss him alot and again even though were friends, i still want him in that way where our feelings for eachother were growing. Even though i told him that its natural that him caring for me and attachment decreases, mine hasn't. I want him and miss him the same. I want him to want me like he use to. My serious and playful nagging pushed him away. Its true. Seperation does make the Heart Grow Fonder. As a friend, i Love him. But I want to love him more then a friend, but i can't. I miss how he touches me and rubs me the right way (Not sexual, but how he cudddles me and i put my head on his chest or shoulders, the way we would lay down or watch a movie/tv and i would just be close to him).I miss how we would just talk then just have silence, then i would annoy him after. I miss the serious conversations we had and when he would fuck around with me. I miss him alot. I wonder if he misses me the same way...? Something tells me hes moved on and doesn't want to say anything. I'm burning until he comes back to me. Usher - Burn was our song. It's a song i'll never forget. 'Something 'bout the way you looked at me Made me think for a moment, That maybe we were meant to be Living our lives seperately And it's strange that things change But not me wanting you so desperately' |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 19,May,2004 | So another bored day. I'm not doing super well in my cisco class. I'm freakin missing 3 whole labs. My group is the laziest mother fuckers who rahter play Power Rangers or talk about some Anime stuff. i asked Howard of what he thought of my friend.LoL, omg in my history class! I was talking to my classmate Mike, and I was doing a hand gesture pointing at my stomach. This guy name Marvin sitting behind me asked if I was pregnant. Sarcastically, I said: 'Ya It's your child, I want my child support' Mike started laughing and turning red, so did Howard. We went on joking bout that for the next 10 mins and then Marvin wrote on the bored: 'It's Not Mine'. I ended up saying:'Ya it is i got the blood test back.' and Howard said: 'That's what they all say.' Funny Shiet.You had to be there to laugh at it. Looking at my clock, its 8:22 P.M. I'm planning to call my friend a.k.a my significant other. I don't know if i should. I told him to call me later tonight. I wonder what impression it gives off if i call him... My cousin told me a few days ago, that if me and him are suppose to happen, then it will happen and this is just one of those times in a relationship. Plus, i guess we rushed a little bit into it. I was so hungry to be with someone that i lost track of what he thought. He has to establish himself as a person and citizen and I have to establish myself also. But i wouldn't mind establising with him here. It's all good though. Maybe that saying is true, Seperation makes the heart grow fonder. 'I know you had to go away I died just a little, and I feel it now You’re the one I need I believe that I would cry just a little Just to have you back now Here with me' 'And I’m asking And I’m wanting you to come back to me Please?' |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 18,May,2004 | Its the morning and it just sunk in that my relationship is done and its time to let go of the illusion of a reconciliation of any sort. Friends is all i got now and maybe hook up every now and then. I have to see. Today im going to the city to give him back his Nextel i530. It seems his brother needs it back because they billed up one hell fo an amount.(approx. $600)I didn't want to go alone, but I felt i had no choice. I was afraid that I would do something retarded or just go crazy. At 10:30 during my cisco class, his brother calls to see when i can meet him to get the nextel back. I didn't want to leave school early, so I just waited until after school. i told him i get out of school around 2:40 so if i take the 3:00 boat, ill be there at 3:30. I decided that since I didn't want to be alone, I would ask people to go with me. I asked, ofcourse Jasmin first. She said she needed to get home by 4:15 so she had to think about it. Howard said he'll go if i get a third person to go with me. Jeff didn't want to go. I ended up telling Howard that i will do him 1 favor if he comes with me. Now im stuck burning him every CD i own. He also got Edwin to come with us. Jasmin couldn't come cause she had.....problems. I got on the 3:00 boat and it was us three. I was bracing myself for what would happen today. It also just occured to me that Howard and Edwin will be seeing who I've been leaving to see so much and what is the cause of my stress. At 3:30, I saw him and he wanted to know why I was walking so damn slow from the boat. I didn't answer him. I gave him back his nextel and a always get him a bag of M&M peanuts. Its just something im use to doing. I asked him what he was doing that day. I ended up telling Howard and Edwin to go home without me and i just stayed there with him. We talked about what's going on and issues we got going. I told him that for now i hope we find our way back or have a chance to start. For now i'll be burning until he returns. He's a good person. I'm willing to wait. But for now i have his friendship and some benefits and that will do for now. When you're all alone, and you need a friend, someone to help you to the end, when you need someone to catch you when you fall, I'll be there through it all. And just when you thought you were falling, but you know I'll always be right there. oh-oooh whenever you need me, I'll always be right there. |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 17,May,2004 | Yes, this is the first day of me and my significant other which is now my ex, as friends. I hung out with him today. I told him that this was what it's like to be friends with him. He said forget about the friends stuff. We hung out the whole day and I helped him in his quest to find a job. It was pretty fun. I left school early that day to see him and its nothing different. I always leave now to see him. Well at 5 P.M, we went out seperate ways and I ended up in Brooklyn cause i took the wrong train! i got home at 6:45. My new friend, who is my ex, who is still to me my significant other, called me. I was happy, but i didnt wanna make it look like i was waiting because i wasnt waiting for his call. I told him that i didnt even get a hug from him and he says that i didnt deserve it. he's planning to go to Rhode Island for college. He didnt wanna say anything cause i might get upset. I said it was ok, will work something out. Then i brought up the part when he said forget about the friends stuff. He said it because he didnt want to talk about it. I took it the wrong way. i thought it was because we were back on. My heart dropped, but i shouldnt be suprised, hes not like anyone else, and i like that about him. He is taking his time. He tells me my whole life is infront of me. Thats true, but i want and wish he was there with me as everything flashes and doors open. i cant believe i mistook what he said. i felt so stupid. one thing that really puzzles me is that, why wont he let me hold on to him? 'I'm finding my way back to you and everything i used to be and waiting is all that i can do until you find your way back to me' |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 16,May,2004 | ThiS iS aN AJaY OriGiNaL........ The title of this song/poem is Nothing At All I didn't know it i never cared i didnt know what to say just thought id go my way always thought you felt the same deep down knowing im the one to blame you were happy and i took it away so can i ask you this..... What would you do if i got up and left would you be pissedd and upset would you write, would you call or say nothing at all? what i did was wrong, it was cruel i never thought i'd use you like a tool im not the one to play just didnt know guess it was one of those ddays so again ill say What would you do if i got up and left would you be pissedd and upset would you write, would you call or say nothing at all? its over and its done your heart has mend and ive been undone im back to where i started hoping this never happenned it wasnt because i was bad it was cause i made you sad Worst of all..... You said nothing at all |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 13,May,2004 | This is one of my favorite John Mayer songs. John Mayer is the shiet!!! Great Lyricist and great voice. This is off his second album 'RoOm FoR SquAreS' 'Not Myself' Suppose I said I am on my best behavior And there are times I lose my worried mind Would you want me when I'm not myself? Wait it out while I am someone else? Suppose I said Colors change for no good reason And words will go From poetry to prose Would you want me when I'm not myself? Wait it out while I am someone else? And I, in time, will come around I always do for you Supose I said You're my saving grace? |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 13,May,2004 | its official. My significant other and I are just friends now. I'll be burning until he returns and if he doesn't, atleast i walked away with his friendship. It was one of the hardest things i ever had to let sink in. The thought that i couldn't be with him in that way where we cared so much for eachother was almost unbearable. He said that maybe we can have another chance at it after he figures himself out. There's really nothing i can do, but hope that there was a reason for this to happen. I'm the person who can usaully let go with ease. But he was something else, he was someone special, he was someone that could be the love of my life. He had those qualities that i wanted in someone, male or female. The thing that sinked in the most was the fact that the next time i see him, it won't be how i use to see him. Ya i might be able to sway him to go somewhere with me, but i won't see him as much, I won't get phone calls from him like i use to. Another thing that is hard to bare, is that I can't touch him the same way. I might get a friendly hug, but i won't be able to show him affection the way i want to. I can't hug him like i use to, and i won't be able to kiss him, or be able to sit on his lap like i do. It's weird how one week ago, we were together, and then a few short days later, im here at this. He sez that all relationships go through break-ups, i believe that, but what are the chances that me and him can have a second chance. What if he finds someone new? Maybe this is just a road bump in our relationship or am i just a road bump in his life? I shouldn't be taking it so seriously since it was only about a month and a half. But it was a great month. a month of happiness, there were a few arguements. we had one big fight but it was something little where we can see a silver lining. But this was not an arguement, this was a decision he made himself. Maybe it will work out, but chances are it wont. i will be burning until he returns. Burning with energy, burning with hope, burning with lust, burning with care. I'll be burning. I'll always think about him. I'll hope and I'll pray that we find a way back to where we were, or have a chance to start over. 'So one of these days I won't be afraid of staying with you I hope and I pray Waiting to find a way back to you Cause that's where I'm home?' 'Did I make you nervous? Did I ask for too much?' |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 13,May,2004 | Hey its my first post on an new site so switch all your post to my new blogger.com site! LoL i know i move around a lot. But hey i never stay in one place and i never enjoyed stability unless its worth staying. Well i named this place Hotel PaPer. it sounds catchy doesnt it? this is kind of like a newspaper, i mean the news is your lives and mine. So enjoy, i'll be posting more often now since i know i'll have an audience worth writing to. Yup this is my intro. Please enjoy my first post. i know it kinda sucks and its short. but hey its jsut an intro! |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 28,June,2004 | Hmm....it's 7:30 P.M i toOk a really good nap, i slept from 5:30 till 6:30. I called my ex today. He SEEMED like he was sick. (Notice I said 'seemed like he was' and not 'is') I have to buy him his sneakers which I felt guilty of the last time I talked to him. I wa already going to buy his game, now I'm buying him the sneakers I promised. Great shelling out another $65. If i get booty from it, it won't be too bad. I gotta mail him his game that I buy for him. I think when we fuck, which is if we do, I'm gonna need to put a cap on his head. I don't know what he did with that kid up in Rhode Island or what that kid does. Oh well, aslong as I get mine. When we fuck this time, I think I should go all out. What do I have to lose? All I have to lose is my perfect hair that I can fix and my clothes. He's got something to lose if his new guy finds out. He's just a sorta friend that I have sex with until I find someone new. Oh well he's a shady character, both as a friend and a boyfriend. He knows what buttons to push with me so he pushes away. That and he proboly cheated on me when we were going out with this new person. I noticed that he called the same number on my cellphone now as he did back then on that day when my mom and gramps went to Atlantic City and we spent the whole day together at my house. Im so sure he called his cousin. He said on the phone: 'I told you I'd call you back' He use to say that to me also when I get on his case bout never calling. My ex has issues, I think I'm degrading my relationship with him to sex acquaintance. His importance to me is really diminishing. He wants to hang out with me this week and he said the sneakers can wait, he said you know I'm his friend. Oh please, I can't even count on my fingers and toes how many times I used that phrase. He said he want me to be his best friend, nikka can't even call me back, I ain't his friend. He's my pal but I ain't like that to him I bet. Just trying to run his game. Anywayz....Moving along. This saturday, pretty pretty fireworks on the 4th of July! I'm going with my friends: Sonny, Veena, & Lisa. Before I go with them, I want to avoid the last time us four hung out. I decided to call Lisa and help her get out of her shell so when I see her on Sunday it won't be like I'm walking around with a popsicle. Oh well, I hope I have fun lots of it. I know it's going to be fun, but I had to give up so much this week just to go. Especially the booty call. I mean ok I miss him kinda, but when I do see him again, I'm just thinking of seX. I have to call Lisa later or tomorrow so we cna discuss other matters to help us get along. Aww I hope we can be friends like Veena and I are!!! Well here's the blog song. This song is for you my ex! I dedicate this song to you and only you! Monica - So Gone So gone over you, you, you, you Silly of me Devoted so much time To find you unfaithful, boy I nearly lost my mind Drive pass your house every night In an unmarked car Wondering what she had on me To make you break my heart, yeah {You make me feel} You make me feel I'm so gone (So gone), oh... You make me {You make me feel} Whoa and I love you to love you, baby, I {So gone}, ooh Nights I couldn't sleep, uh You let the sun beat you home I asked myself over again What am I doing wrong To make you stay out all night And not think to call What does she have over me To make him not think to call home {You make me feel} You make me feel I'm so gone {So gone}, oh... You make me {You make me feel} Whoa and I love you to love you, baby, I {So gone}, ooh Listen, boy, I'm a rowdy chick Some times I have to fight ˜cause my mouth too slick Baby, why you doing me like I ain't worth this shit Make me wanna ride passed your house and sit Kick down your door and smack your chick Just to show you Monica not having it So in love with you like a drug habit get {So gone} You treat me so unreal What she do, I do better (Ooh...oh...) What she do to make you love her (What did she do) Is it real or forever Baby, please can't we stay together (Is it real or forever) What she do, I do better (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah) What she do to make you love her (Yeah, ooh...) Is it real or forever (Is it real) Baby, please can't we stay together (Oh) Whoa and I love you to love you, baby (Whoa and I love you to love you, baby) Whoa and I love you to love you, baby, ooh... Whoa and I love you to love you, baby (Whoa and I love you to love you, baby) Whoa and I love you to love you, baby (Just to show you Monica not having it), yeah {You make me feel} You make me feel I'm so gone {So gone}, oh... You make me {You make me feel} Whoa and I love you to love you, baby, I {So gone}, ooh Said that I need you I don't really need you Said that I need you, ooh I don't really need you * I DON'T REALLY NEED ANYONE * |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 26,June,2004 | HeY! June 25th was my birthday! ::siGhs:: My birthday was ok. I gave it an 8 out of 10 It would have been 10 if my ex called me. Oh well let him go do him and fuck 'em. I did buy a pair of pepe jeans and a pair of pepe shorts and white uptowns. We went to Perkins which wasn't too bad. I rather eat at Jonny Rockets, but it wasn't too bad. I wanted to order a steak, but I lost my appetite so i just ordered a melt. Tomorrow I have to go to some party that I was dragged into. I heard there will be kids my age and filipino...(oH BoY hoW FuN is ThiS GoiN 2 bE, FYI: i hate hanging ot with out filipino people my age unless it was my bestest friend in the world Maria and this eye candy guy name JefF)I'll be sure to wear something that will make me fit in so they wouldn't notice me and i can get lost. I don't really want to be bothered by those suburban people. I'm hoping that we can find a mall to go to so i can extend my birthday shopping. (LOL) Ya i didn't get to buy my jeans a matching shirt. I also need to get a bookbag for school this summer. For 1 month, I will be attending CSI taking PSY100. WhoOp-t-dO *I'm starting my ex-boi intervention. The first step is admitting to myself and blow the cloud of illusion that will be back together. I had faith, but fate has made up its decision. The hope and faith for him now dies and from the ashes a rebirth of my faith, not in him, but faith in myself. Here is the 1st song: Christina Aguilera - Walk Away. The song admits that I do have a problem and what I need to do. (Some parts are bolded to really admit it) What do you do when you know something's bad for you And you still can't let go? I was naive Your love was like candy Artificially sweet I was deceived by the wrapping Got caught in your web And I learned how to plead I was prey in your bed And devoured completely And it hurts my soul Cos I can't let go All these walls are caving in I can't stop my suffering I hate to show that I've lost control Cos I, I keep going right back To the one thing that I need to walk away from I need to get away from it I need to walk away from it Get away, walk away, walk away I should have known I was used for amusement Couldn't see through the smog It was all an illusion Now I've been licking my wounds (licking my wounds) Woke up in love and seems so great (deeper, deeper) We both can't subdue Darling you hold me prisoner (prisoner) I'm about to break I can't stop this ache I'm addicted to your lure and I'm feeling for a cure Every step I take Leads to one mistake I keep going right back To the one thing that I need... I can make it It's some state I'm in Getting nothing everytime What did I do to deserve The pain of this moment And everywhere I turn I keep going right back To the one thing that I need to walk away from I need to get away from it I need to walk away from it Get away, walk away, walk away Everytime I try to grasp for air I get smothered and this sky, it's never over, over Seems I never wake from this nightmare I let out a solid breath, let it be over, over Inside I'm screaming Breaking, pleading the world Ahh... My heart has been bruised So sad but it's true Each peep reminds me of you It hurts my soul Cos I can't let go All these walls are caving in I can't stop my suffering I hate to show that I've lost control Cos I, I keep going right back To the one thing that I need... I'm about to break I guess I missed it I'm addicted to your lure And I'm feeling for a cure Every step I take Leads to one mistake I keep going right back To the one thing that I need... I can make it It's some state I'm in Getting nothing everytime What did I do to deserve The pain of this moment And everywhere I turn I keep going right back To the one thing that I need to walk away from I say... I need to get away from it I need to walk away from it Get away, walk away, walk away Only thing I need to do is walk away I need to get away from it I need to walk away from it Get away, walk away, walk away I need to get away from it I need to walk away from it Get away, walk away, walk away I need to get away from it I need to walk away from it Get away, walk away, walk away |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 23,June,2004 | This one was dated during Christmas. It's called Day Dreamer . It's really nice and it's an AJaY original. I see you when you're sleeping, I smile at you when you awake I feel your soft touch Your fingers on my lips. You hold me close and whisper, Can this be my only dream? If I could I would Paint this on my memory Because now that you're gone All I can do is remember. Time goes faster each day. With you, the day lasts forever. And even now, I can't believe it's all over I pull on my sweater But the scent of you remains And in an instant I remember. I never thought it would end All I have are these remnants of you, So I have to admit that I miss you. |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 22,June,2004 | This is something I had written about 6 months ago that i found on my computer. I named it Kisses . Hope you enjoy it. This is an AJaY original. snapple coated kisses so sweet and ample like waves of sweetness caressing my lips and tongue the air was brisk and light the warmth of your skin only drew me closer to you like a ray of light in the dark sleepy eyes smiled under a relaxed body as we lay side by side on an ocean of blankets flowing into eachother a day wasnt long enough to completely appreciate the curve of your lips as you smiled at me or the warmth of your hand fingers lightly sliding down my face lifting the strands of hair from my eyes and touching my lips so soft or the innocent look on your face as you closed your dark eyes under the rise and fall of your chest your heart raced with my touch the sound of your whisper with your lips pressed to my ear hand on my neck so gentle plays like a broken record and relaxes my mind heavy with a million thoughts sweet dreams of you are all i can hope for because now that you're gone my life is empty with out you i miss the rainy nights we drown in conversation at the park under the sky like a pourous bucket starlight trickled from each star above and shed light upon our faces ill always remember the glow your eyes twinkled with happiness under a mysterious facade you hid from the world like a scared child and ran from your feelings which were unknown to you and in an instant you were gone. |
3,332,027 | male | 17 | Student | Cancer | 22,June,2004 | Today, was the last day I had with my ex. He's leaving tomorrow. I planned to chyll with him at my house. you know eat pizza, rent games and a movie. Really say goodbye. But you know, i couldn't so i was real sad. We ended up going to time square and watchin JoJo on TrL. Went to McDonalds and ate there. He called his new boi on my phone. It never bothered me before. But today it did. Him leaving and plus him calling him on my phone was just a reality check. He said its gonna be the same you know; he's gonna call me sometimes and he gone be back in August. I didn't have a chance to say it, but I wanted to tell him it's not going to be the same. He's gonna work it out with this new person from Rhode Island. He gonna be tight with him and he gonna talk to me less. We ain't gonna click like on that level anymore. there won't be anymore booty calls 'cause they is going to make it work. So my ex, if you reading this, I just wanna say, it's not going to be the same. ou is going to really move on and I'm going to be here still at the same place. And you might not even comeback for all i know. You could just stop talking to me and thats it. You gonna be a whole month away from me and you gonna have time to really distant yourself from me. Don't say it's going to be the same because it's not. People become different when you seperate themselves from another for a long period of time; especially when they is with someone new. I know, cause I've experienced it. That's why i was quiet and had that face. It wasn't only cause I was going to miss you but what you said it was just: (!BLaH!) That's that. Here's my song for this blog. Michelle Branch - Goodbye To You Of all the things I've believed in I just want to get it over with Tears form behind my eyes But I do not cry Counting the days that pass me by I've been searching deep down in my soul Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old It feels like I'm starting all over again The last three years were just pretend And I said, Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything I thought I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to I still get lost in your eyes And it seems that I can't live a day without you Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away To a place where I am blinded by the light But it's not right Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything I thought I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time I want what's yours and I want what's mine I want you But I'm not giving in this time Goodbye to you Goodbye to everything I thought I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to The one thing that I tried to hold on to And when the stars fall I will lie awake You're my shooting star |
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