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533,423
70,535
85,615
1
Confusing and boring
Avoid this film like the KGB . A Ruskie cop spends a lot of time running around in the snow looking for a murderer . Meanwhile , the viewer is bombarded with dull dialogue , a meandering storyline , and pointless activity . Nothing in the whole picture made a bit of sense . I coulda been out on the porch swatting flies .
533,511
70,535
56,435
1
Safe at home ! But out at Home Box Office .
What a stinker ! I called this turkey out before it reached first base . Ok , it was one of those cutsey films for the whole family with a message at the end , but . . . . What about the M & M boys , you ask ? Don't , please . I've seen more animation from a corpse . A cigar store indian has more life to it . Even a diehard yankee follower would heave his guts up watching this bilge . Want a more entertaining hour and a half ? Go watch paint dry . Gad !
533,118
70,535
41,841
1
Grimey , grumpy grunt greets green gyrenes : makes men of milksop mama's minions
Listless blood and guts yarn typical of this genre and era . Big John plays his usual hard nose , take no crap character as he prepares his charges to die for the big money boys . The battle scenes were laughable as we hear some grunt quip , " doggonnit , they got me in the same spot as before " . The jerk got shot because , with lead popping all around , he's involved in a b . s . session with his buddy . What realism ! The touching scene that really made my stomach roil was when a group of men circled a comrade just shot by a sniper and read a letter he had written to his son . These morons should have been zapped posthaste . This bilge was nothing more than another exercise in flag waving tedium .
533,339
70,535
91,278
1
This eagle is made out of silly putty
A teen-age boy , who is not in the military and has not trained to be a jet pilot , takes off for a foreign country to rescue his dad . If this is not ridiculous enough , he talks a Colonel in the Air Force into helping him get his hands on a jet [ wow ! ] . To make the picture even more absurd , the Colonel risks his career and life by giving the spunky lad some hands on aid . They not only don't make Colonels like this anymore , but they never did . This sappy , corny film should be tossed into the air and blown away by a MIG .
533,133
70,535
101,272
1
I thought this slop would never end
Who wrote this ? I demand to know ! This person should be ashamed . What a boring , pathetic mess . Lame jokes ? They abounded . Silly dialogue ? Plenty . This was simply a bad piece of filmwork . There must be an audience for this drivel , because it seems to be selling . What a world .
532,543
70,535
102,951
1
This dog should be soaped thoroughly and then washed down the drain
The writer of this drivel must have slipped on the Irish Spring while showering and cracked his noodle . The thing made no sense , it just rambled thoughtlessly about from one boring , asinine scene to the next . About as funny as finding a roach in your soup .
533,417
70,535
106,760
1
No deception here , this was just double dumb
Bad acting , pathetic script , utterly stupid tale from start to end . Watching James Russo I couldn't help wondering if he studied every James Caan film ever made or if he just happened to have all Caan's mannerisms : the thrown back shoulders , the cocky walk , the facial expressions ; all were there . His character is in a warm climate with everybody in summer wear and he is never without a heavy leather jacket . How painfully pretentious . This boring murder mystery , which isn't worth the effort of explaining , was so dull I didn't know whether to laugh or go blind . After the first 3 minutes I saw where this junk was headed as Russo stared down a gun wielding punk , told him he wasn't going to shoot , then snatched the piece out of the thug's hand . Later he grabbed the same weapon from a woman's hand by the muzzle while it was cocked . Hello , moron ? Russo's cornball toughguy antics were silly beyond description , not to mention far from the real world of private investigation . Awful .
532,379
70,535
118,566
1
Just what was this crap all about ?
Lucky ' Fix-it ' Mann meets an unhappy , frustrated female client and winds up in bed with her after mouthing some of the most boring one liners I've ever heard . Meanwhile , Lucky's equally frustrated wife falls into bed with Lucky's girlfriend's hubby after some equally abysmal dialogue . Is Hollywood so desperate for films that they will accept anything , or was this garbage rammed through by some powerful yet untalented mogul ? Seldom has a picture been this devastatingly dull . One gross of thumbs down . - 12 stars . Gad ! !
533,117
70,535
110,620
1
This bloated corpse is guaranteed to nod'ja off
What was the purpose of this gibberish unless to aggravate all lovers of vampire film . Amateur hour performances , exhausted dialogue , totally ridiculous use of the camera , and then there was the big finale [ a concoction as stale as last week's salad ] . Two fangs down to this empty casket .
533,182
70,535
116,629
1
How can something so big be so bad ?
What did I like about this movie . Well , it was in color . Much better than black and white . Let's see , the language used was English . Made it easier to understand than , say , Mandarin . Oh , yeah , I almost forgot . I didn't have to pay anything to see it . Financially that is ; I did have to clock off a couple hours on the dwindling meter of my life , however . I suppose it is mostly my fault tho , because I am old enough to know that , as a rule , the more a film is hyped , the more it stinks . And , ladies and gents , this rubbish pile stunk all the way out to wherever the little green men live . Hammy ? Overacted ? SILLY ! ? Yes to all ! What was Fresh Prince bringing his brand of humor laugh into a so-called serious action film for ? Know what this undeveloped mess reminds me of ? The James Bond movies with Roger Moore . I despise a movie with all the little jokes and cool asides thrown in during what is supposed to be a tense moment . Such unrealism leaves me cold , and longing for a small , quiet spell with a good book . As long as the gullible public will fork over their bucks for this pablum , showbiz types will feed it to us . Probably laugh their heads off while doing so , too .
533,424
70,535
91,164
1
Whores and politicos make dull bedfellows
A bored woman decides to become a whore to break the monotony . One of her clients falls in love with her and draws her into a web of inner-city political intrigue . This ' story ' meandered about like the Colorado River . Boring dialogue , confusing story , no entertainment value . I'd rather watch golf .
533,121
70,535
91,178
1
Not one single thing was funny
Nervous radio entertainer and his girlfriend are going to be married . So to unwind a bit , they go to his family estate which turns out to be a really huge castle replete with all manner of weird characters . Some guy dressed up like Lon Chaney was bumping folks off , then running to his secret hideout . I suppose he had his reasons . The cute little twist at the end did nothing for the film either .
532,970
70,535
93,437
1
Count Dracula is rolling over in his casket
What was this piece of garbage , anyway ? Was it a comedy ? Drama ? Or just a vehicle for a bunch of spoiled actors to take home a big payday ? It certainly was not entertainment . Shallow ? Yes . Insipid ? Certainly . Plain silly ? To be sure . I don't like comedy vampire films to start with , and this crap just took the cake . Don't bother with this turkey , it offered nothing in the way of excitement or chills . I rate it down there with " Buffy the Vampire Sleeper " .
533,349
70,535
43,743
1
Part comedy , part suspense , all bad
Excruciatingly boring tale of a thief who steals a famous painting for another man and then double crosses him . Along the way a young woman is brought into the deal to create a forgery of the painting and she winds up falling for one of the crooks . This crushing bore went on interminably as the 2 groups went about trying to outwit each other and come into possession of the valuable piece of art . Worse than " Canvas " , another stupid ' art theft ' movie .
532,729
70,535
87,800
1
supposed to be a fright film . . . . supposed to be
I have been more frightened watching Saturday Night Live . There was nothing scary about it . It was too juvenile to be a fright movie . Teens might like it , if they are very immature .
532,492
70,535
63,467
1
Sex and prudery in jolly old England
Had I known this junk was populated with a bunch of second rate Brit players I would have run for the hills . Extremely dull fare with lots of shrill , rapid talking limey accents and not a whole lot of anything else . David Niven never made a decent film his whole career , and this bilge was right down on the bottom . Everyone involved with this mess should have taken a sleeping pill and gone to bed .
532,958
70,535
98,994
1
uneventful , dull , senseless . . . .
What was the purpose of this film ? I suggest it was to make a handful of actors and their producers and director a big payday for doing nothing . Even my favorite actor , Bruce Dern , couldn't keep my interest in this boring movie . A braindead ex-pugilist falls in with a weird woman and her relatives . He starts out as a fix-it man for the woman , and winds up beating a man and getting caught up in a kidnapping scheme . It was so confusing I can't even write a decent critique . If you see this one , my sweet , make sure it is after dark so you can go right to sleep .
533,283
70,535
50,301
1
More stupid Jerry
Once again Jerry stinks up the big screen with his hyperactive sthick . Here he offers the ultimate in corny jokes along with a ' hoods become angels with the right kindly influence ' story . If you really like Jerry then you'll most likely go for this one , otherwise it will bore you senseless .
533,412
70,535
173,771
1
This documentary is more deceased than one of Romero's zombies
Dull analysis of George Romero's films , a gentleman who apparently went to the Roger Corman School of Film Making . A lot of words were spoken about Mr . Romero and his unusual method of shooting pictures . All this excess verbal diarrhea and the fact remains that Romero is a low budget hack who can't get a big money backer . Since he can't get this backing from the legit studios he lays claim to being a maverick who does things his own way [ read : makes 2 bit , turkey movies ] . I heard a lot of jabbering about the lackluster film that comes out of mainstream " Hollywood " and a lot of hullabaloo on how much better , more innovative and honest , are the independent film makers . Sometimes this is true , but I have seen a large amount from both camps that are suitable only for ceiling drapery at a frat house party . Running low on funds does not make a producer of film less pretentious nor more valid than a larger outfit .
532,503
70,535
61,177
1
Nothing's up with this limp wiener
What drivel ! Lame jokes , and I do mean lame . Pitiful choreographing job with the " karate " sequences . Not to mention that incredibly stupid knife fight on the balcony . What was the purpose of this film anyway , to show the talents of the Lovin'Spoonful ? That was the only good part I saw , and they didn't even do " Do You Believe in Magic ? " Probably because it hadn't been written yet , but that is a different story . This picture was a lame duck turkey that went above and beyond the call of boredom . Avoid it at all costs ; even if it means divorcing your wife or selling your kids into slavery . Gadzooks ! !
533,200
70,535
120,591
1
The worst film I've seen in over a decade
I thought this was going to be a serious film on survival , but instead it was a childish romp through kiddie land . I hate crap like this where you have adults , genius adults at that , acting like half witted pre-teens . This unbelievable story could have been interesting , after all it is just a movie . But remove all the useless and downright silly scenes from this overweight epic wannabe and you are left with , maybe , 5 minutes of entertainment . What a huge letdown . - 5 stars .
532,679
70,535
72,281
1
What a deadly dull piece of drivel !
Well , folks , you can't get much worse than this in cinema . Silly dialogue , uninspired acting , no drama at all , and just plain boring . Even a truck load of popcorn couldn't dull the pain of having to sit through this stupid , slovenly satire . It never ceases to leave me in utterly flabbergasted consternation as to how good actors can act so bad . I suppose when one is handed a lousy script like this one was and hired to film it , one merely takes the bucks , mouths the words , and hauls butt for the bank . I wonder , though , did they laugh all the way , or were they too embarrassed ? I choose to think the latter .
532,655
70,535
74,157
1
like all films in this genre , it stunk
A brilliant professor and his sidekick journey to the center of the earth in a huge machine which screws its way to the core . There , naturally , they find all kinds of things that are intent on killing and eating them . Plus , of course , a love interest for the young sidekick . Ho hum , does the plot never take a different tack ?
533,519
70,535
65,511
1
Namath gets sacked again . . . . this time by the critics
Joe threw the biggest bomb of his career and unfortunately it was intercepted by the viewers . This wasn't the stupidest film I've ever seen , but close . It wasn't the poorest performed , but mighty close . It was awfully close to being the most boring experience of my movie career ; even Ann M . couldn't help in that area . Smooth Joe just didn't come off as an Hell's Angel type , he's just to nice looking . And that sandwich building crap at the beginning . . . what amateurism . Get half drunk with some buddies and maybe this stumpwater will be palatable . Maybe .
532,922
70,535
76,070
1
idiotic , boring , unbelievable , shallow . A bomb !
I don't have enough room here to list all the faults in this show . It was written as a serious police movie , and came off as a boring , totally unrealistic shoot-em-up . Eastwood played his usual tough , maverick cop part , but not with the flair he has in some of his better films . This junk has been done and done and done . He needs to search for a better script , I know he deserves much better . I think my main objection to this movie was the ending . I expect realism when I pay for a film like this . What I got was a thoughtless mishmash . th of a star .
532,806
70,535
91,828
1
a raw deal for anyone who watches this turkey
How this gets filmed is beyond me . It has every cliche in the book , several times over . Not even a good action movie , although there was plenty of it to go around . Lousy filming , lousy acting , lousy plot , lousy action scenes . It will go down in my book as one of the most boring , stupid movies I have ever seen . Arnold took the money and ran on this one . , 000 , 000 of a star . Thumbs down and dirty . What a bomb ! !
532,714
70,535
120,008
1
long on gunfire , short on story
This movie was plain sorry . Thin plot , pitiful acting , senseless action scenes . This was just another program aimed at the mindless action crowd . Two or three million rounds were fired between 2 groups at odds with each other . Very few of them hit their targets . . . who teaches these hit men to shoot ? This was nothing but " Last Man Standing " done in Chinatown . Instead of hiring a high priced actor like Bruce Willis to make the film , the producers opted for some Chinese guy named Lo Fat Wu or whatever . His performance was a joke ; I haven't seen this much ham since last Thanksgiving . 2 thumbs down .
532,767
70,535
74,301
1
This swill was popular television ?
You must wonder about the intelligence of TV viewers during the seventies when this gibberish was on top . I saw my first episode last week and was totally amazed at the amateur hour presented therein . A sixth grade dialogue , extremely emaciated plot , downright silly action scenes as the " girls " took on ruthless drug lords with their pipsqueak snubbies , absolutely pathetic performances , and the list goes on and on . But who could give a good performance when asked to do mindless garbage like this ? No wonder I prefer books to television .
533,286
70,535
62,711
1
My hat is off to anyone who can sit through this space junk
This turkey bombed right after the opening credits closed . I couldn't sit through more than 15 minutes of this insubstantial celluloid silliness . Boring , and I mean deadly dull , dialogue , though spoken in English [ for the most part ] , made no real sense at all . Yes , Jane looked great but how long can one be expected to stare at her before that glossy figure becomes commonplace ? Before I exited all I saw the woman do was repeatedly take tumbles and do glamorous close-ups for the camera . Don't bother is my advice .
533,250
70,535
104,454
1
How about calling this one Howie's Dead End
Lavish sets , gorgeous scenery , top notch acting , and flawless props and costumes couldn't make this anything but a confusing tale of upper crust British snobbery vs . the downtrodden lesser mortals . To me this picture was dull and torpid because it seemed to merely meander about the lives of 3 families whose lives intersect at various times leading to desultory dialogue and much yawning from the audience . Bloody awful .
532,625
70,535
111,359
1
Should have called this one ' Small Tail "
I searched for one word to describe this film and came up with dumb . That seems to fit the entire boring , badly acted , silly scripted , nonsensical mess . What was Swayze doing in this production anyway , he is usually in a more mainstream element ? I doubt if even a child got anything out of this screwy movie . I can't say anymore , it was just a bad show .
532,803
70,535
87,332
1
very boring , idiotic bilge
Another popular film that to me is simply awful . This was supposed to be funny , but was just plain silly . Badly written , but could have been an ok film had it been done slightly more seriously . I know it was meant to be a comedy , and that is ok . However , it just didn't play as written . Really abysmal . 1 star .
532,923
70,535
78,767
1
Not one bit scarey
Well , I paid good money to be frightened , and all I did was yawn . The story was ineffective , the acting was abysmal , the evening was a total loss . I've been more scared walking thru the local church's haunted house at the end of October . This turkey should be thoroughly cooked and buried deep .
533,166
70,535
60,897
1
they shouldn't have returned
I could have done with the seven gunslingers just staying away . This sequel should never have been done , the first did it all and better . The plot was a turkey , the acting was turkey , the direction , production , camera work . . . all turkey . Whoever put out this junk should be tarred and feathered . May they not return again !
533,454
70,535
109,303
1
Blown away is what should happen to the guy that wrote this bunk
This is one of the most dull action films yet . The IRA is at it again with their bombs . Hasn't this horse been beaten long enough ? Jimmy Cagney was doing this act back during the depression . Enough , already . And what was with all these brogues ? Tommy Lee is a great actor , but that irish lilt of his went over like a led balloon . What a stupid movie . Oh well , top ' o the mornin ' to ya ' !
532,491
70,535
87,175
1
Dull dream drama
This was a total wipeout : not one minute amount , not a smattering , of anything worth seeing . I usually like Quaid but he had nothing to work with on this flopperoo . The cycle scene was particularly annoying ; the guy could barely ride it off at first , then he is makes a spectacular jump successfully shortly thereafter . Who was the dude who looked like Russell Crowe ? Had me going for a bit .
533,406
70,535
76,666
1
Vinnie Barbarino dances the night away
This turkey was undercooked and served up wet . A mouthy , stupid punk in New York City gets the hots for some equally empty headed girl and spends the entire film chasing her . They kiss , they argue , she pushes him away , they wind up dancing . What a loser , really bad , movie . I must say I liked the music , but the story was lame .
533,405
70,535
113,481
1
Very , very dumb , boring film
I have no idea what took place in this movie . It made no sense , was pitifully acted , and the story was totally idiotic . See , this guy had an implant in his head which made him a walking computer of some sort . So then , some bad guys wanted him to do something he didn't want to do , so they tried to mess up his head computer . This crap made me gag big time .
532,809
70,535
98,439
1
boring cop show
Too bad the writers in tinsel town couldn't come up with a better program than this . Should have called it " Bango and Trash " , because that is what it did and what it was . Boring action scenes , dumb plot that has been done a million times , and uninspired acting . And why not ? I couldn't get excited listening to and watching this drivel , why should I expect anything else from the actors ? Don't waste your time with this camel dung . th star .
533,183
70,535
117,998
1
idiotic , boring , silly , corny , lousy acting , nothing new
All the hype that surrounded this garbage should be heaped upon the head of the person who submitted this piffle to the general public . Heaped upon his head after being carved in granite that is . A more juvenile movie would be hard to imagine , but I suppose the folks in Hollywood can do it if anyone can . I almost became convinced while watching this film [ ? ] that the twister had more brains than any of the characters ; they didn't show me much in the way of anything except their immaterial love spats and divorce decrees . Gad , what shallow , immature dialogue . I particularly disliked the ending . The 2 heroes [ chortle ! ] would never have survived the funnel had it gone directly over them as depicted , nor can a tornado suck a truck up its spout with such ease . In fact , it cannot be done at all . Maybe the producers of this thing expected us braindead audience types not to notice the failing of their ' big hit ' because we would be so taken with the beauty of Helen Hunt [ as Santa would say " Ho Ho Ho " ] . What a bomb !
532,475
70,535
118,002
1
Too bad if you see
I couldn't stand but 30 minutes of this swill . Lame , utterly stupid jokes used in the most idiotic instances : third grade dialogue with a kindergarten story . Who wrote this crap ? Even Sandra looked like hell , positively fat . Putrid !
533,518
70,535
78,492
1
Good grief !
One of the worst of the worst war / action films . Incredibly stupid dialogue coupled with odiously pitiful performances by some of Hollywood's most inane " stars " made for a genuinely dull evening at the drive-in . Fortunately for me , I had a nice looking , albeit empty headed female with me , so the evening wasn't a total loss . Then again , maybe it was anyway . - 5 stars .
533,560
70,535
69,883
1
Swab jockey falls for bar room whore
Veteran sailor meets and walks the plank for a 2 bit , drunken slut with a welfare child who lives in a hovel that was so nasty a rat wouldn't slip inside and take a dump . Plus , the hooker was pregnant from an unknown source . If swabbie marries the worthless drunk it'll make him feel good . Feel good . Can anybody spell moron ? All it will do is make certain the tramp stays on the dole so taxpayers will have something to donate their money to . This jerk couldn't wait to ruin his life . I suppose this film was striving to convey the message " this poor old soul just needs a helping hand " . What they both needed was a boot up their butts : this picture was dull and lifeless ; the characters were all losers and fools .
532,558
70,535
115,742
1
Ryder should stick to shoplifting ; she's better at it
Silly , impressionable young teens will probably go for this idiotic time waster but all others should be offended . I found all those schoolboys to be irritating beyond belief and Ryder to be sluggish and phony . How convenient for the young lads to have totally empty hallways in a house full of rambunctious boys as they brought in the limp body of a woman and placed her in their room . How lucky for them that they drug her all over the place for hours without anyone but their closest buddies finding out their secret . Calmest dorm I've ever witnessed . - 100 stars ; a world full of thumbs all pointing down .
533,445
70,535
52,901
1
Typical British flummery
At being scary this bilge failed miserably . The Jeckyl / Hyde helper was funnier than he was horrifying . This slop was probably effective 40 years ago when playing to a theater full of hyperactive 8 year olds , but it was plain silly in the here and now . What was with the opening 15 minutes of prattle by some ramrod stiff " doctor " ? Some hypnotist . Almost put me to sleep , though , gotta give him that . Good grief !
532,465
70,535
104,027
1
Cross this off your list
Goldie played an unfit mother with a troubled son . Very shallow story . Boring .
532,665
70,535
113,808
1
Boredom and trouble in the bedroom
Dull look at several couples who are no longer able to relate to each other so they either break off the relationship or start sleeping around . This was painful to sit through for me but it did point out that the boy / girl stuff is more flash than bang .
532,418
70,535
166,396
1
Excruciating , agonizing trip into total boredom
What a lousy , pathetic , downright dull film . Nothing even remotely amusing occured during the entire mess ; unless you want to consider the sadly laughable plot , the corny dialogue , the dispirited performances . The only thing I enjoyed about this one was the scenery and that was not nearly enough to keep me even somewhat interested . Bad ; really , really bad . . . . . .
533,230
70,535
82,533
1
Should have called this " The Hurling " . . . .
. . . . because that is what I felt like doing after watching this drivel . This rot was like all other wolfman films - redundant , boundlessly boring , hackneyed , poorly performed , even more poorly scripted , and finally , just plain silly . Why this garbage gets such high ratings is beyond my range of understanding , but to each his own . This junk was no better than the old Lon Chaney werewolf films from the 40's , and they were pathetic beyond belief . This vomitous bilge should be avoided at all costs . Thumbs way , way down .
533,357
70,535
71,569
1
Not a sin maybe , but still bad
A salty sailor of the seven seas , acting like Indiana Jones with a wraparound do-rag , vies with a venomous demon worshipper for a golden amulet which will allow the holder to rule the world . . . . or some such crap . The story was dumb , the special effects especially non special , and the props looked like they were purchased at Woolworth's end of the year super blowout sale . This may rate as the yawner of the decade .
533,584
70,535
67,245
1
2 heads aren't always better than one
Bruce Dern stars [ ? ] in this unbelievably god awful film about a really way out doctor / scientist who decides to graft the head of a criminally insane man to the body of a retardo . What followed was one of the worst movies to ever come out of the entertainment industry in many years . I saw it at a drive-in in Houston with a couple friends so getting to yuk it up with them over the horrible plot made it fairly palatable . Had I been alone I may have died of sheer boredom . What a dog : and what was Dern doing in this turkey ? Was he broke at the time ?
533,126
70,535
81,237
1
What a total bore !
I watched the first 45 minutes of this garbage and turned the set off just before I fell out of my chair into a deep sleep . All that was going on was a bunch of military rejects were running around in a castle somewhere acting stupid . No purpose to this drivel , just a string of really dull dialogue and silliness . - 4 stars .
532,834
70,535
102,005
1
A gross insult to motorcycles and cigarettes
Not one line of dialogue , not one frame of film , nothing about this piece of crap was entertaining . Don Johnson should be ashamed , Mickey Rourke probably said , " another lousy acting performance , nothing new for me . " The action scenes were pitifully set up looking ; a 5 year old couldn't get excited over this boring humdrum silliness . After emptying a trash can full of banana magazines at the 2 " heroes " , one would think professional hitmen could put at least one round where they wanted it . Absolute trash - .
532,466
70,535
104,437
1
they tried , but it just wasn't funny
This sequel was just not funny . The nutty professor screwed up again , but this time he made the baby into a 50 foot monster . I was not impressed .
532,434
70,535
119,640
1
Shiver me timbers ! This wreck belongs under the poop deck
I wonder if the players in this film hated having to go through the motions of imitating comedy . I think they were probably embarrassed because they couldn't find something better to lend their talents to . The jokes and gags in this thing were older than dirt and dumber than a gourd . The writer of this bilge should be drawn and quartered or at least banned from ever sitting in front of a word processor again . Could it be that this dud made money for the producers ?
532,816
70,535
42,256
1
Slower than molasses in mid-winter Michigan
Dreary , dull , endless dialogue between a disgruntled limey and various other characters . Power didn't fit the part of a young man at all , looking far older than his years . This film kept promising action but just never delivered . Nice props and lots of activity , but a deadly bore .
533,450
70,535
108,316
1
Pitiful , absolutely pitiful
This junk bore as much resemblance to the novel as a pickle slice does to a cucumber . The film makers took the Alamo section out of the book , made it into a movie , and said it was based on the book . Hah ! Wonder what they did to induce Mr . Michener to endorse this piece of fluff ? It was just another Davy Crockett , flintlock rifle , Santa Ana , 13 days of glory collection of poppycock . I almost started rooting for the mexicans , just to get the damn thing to end . And what was that scene where Stacey Keach was trying to get James Bowie to let him look at the knife ? The sexual innuendos he used were juvenile and unnecessary . They could have used the film they wasted on that silliness to put in some real dialogue . This show was an embarrassment to Hollywood . Or can those clowns be embarrassed ?
533,257
70,535
110,587
1
Romantic comedy with little romance and even less humor
Paul Reiser , a . k . a . Mr . Gesture , did ok in this one , but it was still a dog . The dialogue was beyond droll and juvenile , and the story went way beyond anything even remotely interesting . I always enjoy the shows where all the troubles and strife are overcome in the end when the pair unite in love forever . Ahhhh . . . . romance . However , this one didn't bring it off : in fact , I am amazed it even got through production . BYPASS !
533,323
70,535
114,369
1
SPOILERS Another droll serial killer tale
A demented killer is stalked by the police after a series of bizarre murders occurred . The cops rack their brains trying to figure out the killer's weird thinking , but finally take him in rather easily . Shrewd little killer that he is , he has a ' nice ' surprise in store for one of the cops . This picture was too complex to be completely entertaining . I feel the writer was trying to show the twisted working of a warped mind , but it just came off confusing and boring . As usual , Brad Pitt performs unconvincingly . He needs to switch acting coaches as he has yet to give anything more than a lackluster , phoney performance . I was particularly offended by his use of the handgun . One can achieve zero accuracy while holding this weapon at arms length overhead and pointing the barrel in the general direction of the target . Thumbs down low .
532,782
70,535
82,158
1
Jalopies of Ire
What a dull and tiring film . I managed to sit through 45 minutes of this bilge before throwing in the towel . There was nothing even remotely interesting occurring and I foresaw only more meaningless gibberish ahead . I found the Jew with attitude , Abrahams , an obnoxious , irritating twerp out to prove something ; whatever that was . Why couldn't he simply accept his lot in life without wanting to bring the world to it's knees in honor of his exalted presence by winning some silly footrace ? This junk was ignorant beyond belief - and it won some awards ? ? ?
533,130
70,535
90,756
1
vulgar , meaningless sexual violence
What was the purpose of this film ? I found nothing in it that I could even remotely relate to . It was just a jumble of deviant sex scenes , boring dialogue , & meaningless scenes involving foolish acting people . An utter piece of garbage .
533,261
70,535
73,069
1
This film was perfect . . . . perfectly awful
The makers of this bilge should be ashamed . I'll wager Jack Palance's face still turns red when this turkey is brought up in his presence . I would say the same of Joan Collins , but this movie could well be the high point of her pathetic career . The budget couldn't have gone much over a few grand , and most of that was very likely spent on dog food . Come to think of it , dog chow is all any of the cast and crew deserved . The film was constructed entirely of jerky , disconnected scenes chock full of some of the most cornball , juvenile dialogue I've ever had the bad luck of viewing . And the wolf attacks ! Why do these adventure shows always have those stupid wolf attacks ? At least there were no stupid bear attacks . The story was a familiar one in which an evil scumbag gains control of Dawson City , Alaska during the gold rush days . He hires a gang of toughs to strike fear in the gutless townsfolk by stomping or murdering anyone dumb enough to question his authority . Why didn't some enterprising soul with a good rifle simply pop the ornery tinhorn's chops from a dark alley one night ? The sorry creep has a good set-up going until a handsome stranger [ who fell in love with the bad guy's " tramp with a heart of gold " saloon girl in about 4 seconds flat ] and a couple of kids with a wild German Shepherd [ whose bark was strangely like that of a Pomeranian ] came to town and upset his apple cart . This bomb opens up whole vistas of opportunity to give new meaning to the term " not worth a tinker's damn " . Ten year olds may like this junk , but I have to wonder about even that .
532,364
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71,110
1
Joe Petroni should have rigged this plane to crash
Too bad Bin Laden wasn't around to send a stinger missile up the tailpipe of this crowbait . Rarely have I been subjected to such mundane dialogue and tepid action as I was with this junk . Even THE PREZ couldn't help keep this vulture in the air . My main gripe with the picture was the portrayal of Helen Reddy as a nun . Say what ? Joan of Arc got hot fried for less heresy in the old days . This little pipsqueak only got in the production because of her great feminist song of the 70's . I can hear it now , " I am woman , hear me roar in numbers to big to ignore as I spread my loving legs across the land " . What a masterpiece ! My next gripe is playing Linda Blair as the sweet little girl again . So much sugar dripped off her I almost developed diabetes . She did no better here than she did in that goofy spook movie . . . . the name eludes me , " Demon Busters " or " Girl on a Bed with a Turned Around Head " . . . . something like that . The high point of it all was Joe Petroni : wrench turners like this master mechanic are as rare as a broken Snap-On ratchet . I would say this was just another in a long line of disaster movies , but these slime coated stump leavings didn't even reach that level .
532,386
70,535
59,885
1
This train should have been derailed in the station
Who in the name of all that is holy came up with this puppy excrement ? Who ever heard of a middle aged geezer flying missions against der fuerer ? What was the purpose of mis-casting Frank Snotra as the smooth talking flyboy ; because he was just as slick off camera ? The POW's were out in a desert area but ol ' brown eyes just had to don that leather jacket before he could even go to the latrine . If the Italians were as inept as this bunch , it's no wonder they had to bow out of the war early . Out of all the phony ' excitement ' shoveled up in this mess , I gotta say the kraut troop train that stopped on a dime after noticing the missing rail was my best belly laugh . Even on a boring rainy afternoon you'd be ahead picking up a good novel over viewing this drivel . Thumbs down .
532,650
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59,800
1
007 does it again - flops , that is
This was perhaps the worst of all the Bond films I have seen , and I have seen some turkeys . In this one he goes after SPECTER again . When will he finally shut down this gang of toughs ? This time they are going to blow up something important with an atomic bomb if somebody doesn't make a big pay-off . Yawn ! ! So off goes 007 to save the day . Yawn ! ! A huge underwater fight takes place , which I admit was exciting , but the rest of the film was a drag . The fight in the runaway boat was totally contrived looking , and none of the combatants bled a drop . A lousy book turned into a lousy film . Turn in your badge 007 , your race has been run .
532,427
70,535
79,844
1
A masterpiece turned into a disasterpiece
Seldom have I seen a great book turned into such a putrid mess as with this bomb . The make-up was pathetic , the acting even more so , and the " spooky " props were a joke . The only decent scene was when the little boy hovered outside the bedroom window begging to be let in . That was effective . The rest of the film was a study in how to make a really , really lame movie . I'll wager King was horrified with the thing .
532,660
70,535
120,539
2
Seemed like it ran a year
You better like Neil or this will be an interminable trip through bad music hell . Not nearly as good as his ' 72 film " Journey Through the Past " , it still had a few fun moments but was mostly dull interviews and grainy , endless concert footage . Young needs to drop the gangsta / rapper look ; in fact the entire band appears to be a bunch of washed up , burnt out , middle aged head banger wannabes who look to have been ridden hard and put up wet . I was particularly amused by Pancho as he kept insisting the producers couldn't sew up 30 years of Crazy Horse with a camera and a couple of questions . What's to sew up ? Drugs , whores , bad music , and a never ending childhood wouldn't beg more than 2 queries at most . I admit to liking a few of Young's songs but for the most part I consider him a 2 bit guitarist who pushes grunge a bit too far .
533,452
70,535
109,021
2
Too much ' bull ' in this pasture
Eight seconds is how long I wish this crap had lasted ; it seemed like eight hours . Two cowpokes travel around in a Cadillac , hanging around in bars boozing and chasing women . Then the action picks up when they go to rodeos . Oh , boy ! Just what I wanted to see . Some brainless cowboy getting on a steer , or whatever they are called , and riding it around an arena covered in cow flop with a group of other cowpokes yelling , " Ride ' im , cowboy ! " , and " Yeehaw ! " . A must see for all you Garth Brooks fans out there . YAAAAAHOOOOOOO ! ! ! ! ! ! !
533,191
70,535
120,461
2
waste of time
Boring is what this one was . All that happened was a bunch of lava rolled down the street , and the good guys re-routed it into the ocean . As this was happening Tommy Lee Jones ran around screaming orders and whining about his silly little daughter . I knew what was going to happen at every turn . What a predictable , dull mess .
533,547
70,535
59,260
2
sickeningly silly romp with the Beatles
Ringo has a ring belonging to a cult of murderous zealots . They think because he is wearing the ring that he has to be sacrificed . The chase is on , with all the Beatles trying to keep their drummer from being killed . This was so stupid that it would take a real Beatle nut to accept it as it is . Which I did when it first hit the screen back in ' 65 . But now ? Gag ! !
532,674
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93,565
2
Cher needs to share this turkey with the buzzards
I don't care how many nominations this junk got for best this and that , this movie stunk . I didn't know whether to turn off the set , or file a lawsuit with O . J . ' s attorney for wrongful damage to my mental health . I have seldom been this bored ; to call this dung entertainment is a slap in the face of every movie-goer across the planet . The whole story was stupid , the acting was uninspired , the ' drama ' was emotionless . I am thankful I didn't have to pay for this unfulfilling experience .
532,526
70,535
111,282
2
not much to this flop
I usually like the time travel theme , but this turkey was the exception . A group of special forces toughs , and a scientist go through some kind of time and space warp into a parallel world . For my money they could have went through the warp and stopped the film right there . Coulda saved me 2 hours of intense boredom . What a loser , dog of a picture .
533,453
70,535
109,287
2
This could have been called " Home Alone Hits the Jackpot "
A young boy comes into a lot of money and promptly begins to live it up . Unfortunately , the man whose money it really is happens to be very bad . He wants his loot back . When he discovers who has the bucks , he begins trying to get it back . He keeps getting foiled by this little kid who is just lucky enough to keep from falling into the evil man's hands . Sounds familiar , I'll bet . Very predictable , not interesting at all . Come up with something a bit different , ok guys ?
532,478
70,535
100,403
2
The best thing about this film was when it was ended
Was this the worst picture I've ever seen ? No , but it was a close call . Extremely juvenile , excessively super stud / hardass dialogue , pathetic , idiotic story displaying enough spent ammo to wipe out a third of L . A . I rooted for the monster all the way through to wipe out these dumbass cops : anything to stop all those sillyass , boring " Come on ! Come and get me ! " macho screams . This rotgut bilge is strictly for the bored , folks with only one oar in the water , teens , or hopeless action freaks . Everyone associated with this crap should be horsewhipped within an inch of their lives .
533,458
70,535
111,742
2
To the doghouse with this puppy
What the devil is Jack Nicholson doing in this dog . Is James Spader having trouble finding good scripts these days . This was a wolfman film , for God's sake . Wolfman ! I can see a two bit actor like Lon Chaney spending his entire life making offbeat canine movies , but not these two fine actors . What is this world coming to ?
533,587
70,535
48,750
2
Hitch blew this one
Unutterably boring dialogue , completely silly story , but lovely scenery . I kept waiting for something to happen , but all that ever went on was a group of folks kept burying and digging up a dead guy . Two of the people thought they were responsible for the death and were trying to hide the evidence and circumstances continued to require that they keep shuffling the body around . Very tedious . I would rather watch a red oak grow that waste my time watching this drivel .
533,455
70,535
109,568
2
I'm not dead , but I would like some revenge
Ok . This could have been a good film if it had a total rewrite . And a different director . Plus a few decent actors would have helped . I mean , Randy Travis ? As a ranger ? PLEASE ! ! This guy has the acting ability of a seed tick . And the voice of bullfrog that has went ' rivit ' one time to many . He needs to stick with what he is good at . I hope that one day he finds out just what he is good at . This was a corny , unrealistic picture about the ' good ' prevailing over the ' bad ' . I felt like puking .
532,969
70,535
60,121
2
Quite , quite , QUITE ! bad
This has to be the worst garbage Peck ever came up in . This crap has more holes in it than a block of Kraft swiss cheese . How did a college professor mix it up with a hitman capable of breaking a door down with his bare hands ? How did he survive being rolled from a moving van on an expressway ? How did he manage to keep from being killed by 2 groups of savage murderers who had every chance in the world to do so ? That one's easy - I've never seen a more goofy , inept bunch of ham handed , grinning morons in my life . This bilge could have been the prototype for the 007 series , except that bilge had already been birthed . And the attempt at humor ! Pathetic ! As is the case with most spy films , the plot was a confusing mess : the dialogue was childish , the script was a total joke , and the performances were sheer amateurtown . A pack of skunks couldn't create a bigger stink : which is typical of a British production .
533,070
70,535
96,438
2
I found this to be very boring and silly
I didn't like this mess at all . It was too juvenile for me ; I should have known when I heard that it was animated that I would feel this way . If you like silly comic strip who-dun-its , then go see this one .
532,467
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105,629
2
not even remotely funny or entertaining
Why can't someone as talented and funny as Robin Williams make a better film than this ? I don't know how to describe this movie - it was just plain dumb and boring . It made no sense to me . Don't bother .
532,927
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114,214
2
hammy , overacted , silly piece of garbage
I can recommend this film highly to everyone ! ! If you are having trouble sleeping , that is . How this junk got out to the public I can't fathom . It offered nothing in the way of drama ; it did offer , however , some of the silliest ' comedy ' which was not intended to be comedy . At least I don't think it was meant to be so . I expected a realistic movie about gunfighters ; and got a bunch of overgrown boys playing at being Billy Badass . And Sharon Stone ! Gad , this woman needs a new profession . Miscast maybe , or perhaps no actress could do much with such a stupid , overdone role . Gene Hackman , usually one of my favorite players , was simply boring and unbelievable . But again , he didn't have much to work with . This was an idiotic film , I give it 3 thumbs down .
532,519
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38,975
3
Although not spiral , the staircase was the most interesting aspect
The final half hour of this film was fairly entertaining but it couldn't make up for the deadly dull first hour . This cornball scarefest complete with the neverending thunderstorm never got off the ground for me ; probably was spooky 50 years ago but today was merely laughable . I did like the creepy basement .
533,392
70,535
112,642
3
Goofy ghost gunk
What was this all about ? A supposed to be ghostly comedy with cool animation , uproarious hilarity , really hot props and slick gizmos , and choice acting by big name stars . Instead we get one big monumental bore . This crap should make like an apparition and disappear .
532,669
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3
People want these obnoxious little brats ?
This wasn't what I thought it was going to be . Mainly it was way too juvenile , but also the actors gave unconvincing performances . Probably a decent film for kids , and it carried a good message of forgiveness in the end , but I figure I'm too long in the tooth for this style of entertainment .
532,870
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60,980
3
Was this show stupid , bad , dull , or silly ? Try all of these
To start off , there was way too much crooning by Dino : the producers shouldn't assume every viewer enjoys the mellifluous moanings of this drunken Italian . Phony fight scenes , " super cool " gadgets , tepid story , puny pyrotechnics , pathetic acting : all this made for one more bland 90 minutes . Furthermore , I found the fast motion camera work gave the film a cartoonish effect , not to mention amateur hour , which was irritating and added nothing to the picture . And that station wagon ! There was no back to the front seat and where was the dash ? " Silencers " should be kept silent from this day forward .
532,681
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48,078
3
One of the worst movies ever
What was good for westerns was equally bad for the horror genre . . . and that was Roger Corman's leaving one and going to the other . What a goofy idea this was for something called entertainment . The Confederate Army was in such bad shape it had to recruit a group of scumbags from death row to bring in a traitor and 30K in gold . They couldn't find a few men in the ranks who could do the job ? Just couldn't make it without employing a handful of untrustworthy thieves and killers ? Way beyond stupid . Seldom have I seen cornier more overblown performances . And those fight scenes ! A class of sixth graders could have been more convincing . Avoid this claptrap .
532,690
70,535
120,828
3
Ford's worst effort yet
Cliche riddled , flimsy " Gilligan's Island " rip-off wannabe . The dialogue alone turned me to concrete , but the so-called excitement really hardened the mixture . This dull mess was a total waste of good talent ; so predictable that at times I could almost say the lines ahead of the players . Both thumbs down .
533,526
70,535
105,377
3
Another stupid wolf attack picture
The Far North in 1935 is the setting for this dull film . An Eskimo man falls out with his father , the tribal leader , over which of them gets " the woman " . He and the woman must flee to parts unknown after he kills a man in self defense . Soon a mountie is on his trail which forces him to brave the frozen tundra alone while being stalked by a white wolf . All this sounds like it made for a good adventure tale , but it was just plain boring . And who was the moron who cast Jennifer Tilly as an eskimo ? She looks about as much like an eskimo as the Reverend Jesse Jackson . This was a been there , done that , lame film from the very outset . Avoid !
533,181
70,535
116,313
3
Somewhat funny , well acted
While not as funny as " What's Up , Doc ? " , I thought this one was ok . I like a comedy to cause me to fall on the floor laughing , but it didn't happen with " Wives " . It did touch a nerve concerning the behavior of many husbands ; the guy with the younger bimbo was a classic example of a silly middle aged man trying to relive his life through excessive sex . I prefer Goldie in " Deceived " or " Bird on a Wire " .
532,974
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64,615
3
bad guys go for the gold
Bad guy forces a sheriff to lead him and his band in search of a hoard of gold . They must go high into the mountains , and while there they cross paths with some evil cavalry men . Then a group of rascally citizens and a band of injuns take an interest in things . Below average western , not enough action and excitement . Hokey plot , hammy acting .
533,069
70,535
96,037
3
Had no idea bad could be this bad
Think of everything that could be wrong with a film , triple these things , cover them with a coat of raw sewage then set them on fire and you will have a piece of charbroiled pigslop called " Satisfaction " . Tepid , low rent comedy dealing with 4 simpering teen rocker wannabe girls and their dorked out boyfriend . I figure the actors had a better time making this bilge than anybody could ever have watching it . If Jagger were dead [ and watching this drivel could very well have led to his demise ] he'd be permanently spinning in his expensive English casket . Gad !
532,429
70,535
57,071
3
I've had more laughs watching paint dry
This was one of the most pathetic attempts at comedy to ever come out of Hollywood . A more silly script has never been written and a performance has rarely been done so badly . I did enjoy the 3 Stooges , but I have to wonder why they lowered themselves to this level . And Charles Bronson ! They made a mockery of one of the greatest bad guys ever . Dean and Frank are much better than this bunk .
533,020
70,535
58,725
3
Not just a bore . . . a MONUMENTAL bore
Boy , was this typical Presley . Inane , dull , and insipid from the word go . Ridiculous story , lacklustre performances that were so put on a group of high schoolers could have done better . A few good song and dance routines , in particular E's Viva Las Vegas sequence . But folks , this junk went nowhere . The most noteworthy thing about the whole mess was that for once the Big E didn't have a fight scene - he usually has to beat the hell out of somebody with his phony karate moves . What a wimpy looking pugilist he is . Avoid this one at all costs .
533,157
70,535
102,703
3
No amount of praying can save this lost turkey on skates
This was intended to be a sizzling action film but quickly metamorphoses into silly ass , mindless teen boredom . The acting was sub-pathetic , the choreography junior grade , and the story on a third grade level [ assurance that all the teens could easily keep up ] . And what is with all the anguishing over this Haim kid ? Just some punk second rate actor wannabe in dire need of a competent hairdresser . This bilge was so juvenile I wonder if a 10 year old could go for it .
532,751
70,535
107,034
3
Until I saw this I always wanted a son
Bland re-make take off on " Bad Seed " . Culkin made a decent enough psycho and everyone did a nice job but the film didn't cut it for bringing anything new to the bad boy genre . The ' hair raising ' final scene was way too over the edge [ snicker ] ; unbelievable and commonplace .
533,572
70,535
65,968
3
The producers of this horse dung should be incarcerated
Yes , I've seen worse films but this was so bad they had trouble keeping horses during the shooting ; the critters would all run off at night . To say Joe Willie's talents lay elsewhere would be the understatement of the decade . His dismal performance wasn't all that noticeable , however , because everybody else stunk like a week old corpse in a broken icebox during a Texas heat wave . Even Elam , one of my all time faves , couldn't keep a straight face in many of his scenes . There was so much ham in this turkey that if Jimmy Dean bought it he would have to open up a new building to process all the pork . Seldom have I seen a greater collection of grinning jackasses than were displayed in this thinly plotted venture . The soundtrack was interesting but all that rock music never quite dovetailed with the action on the screen .
532,627
70,535
115,759
3
Same ol ' , same ol ' , same ol ' , same ol '
Didn't Hollywood get this putrid mess out of their systems back in the 70's when filming all those abysmal James Bond dogs ? Now they come back with a rehash of the same old crap with 2 popular actors ; who , I might add , could and have done better . This turkey never left the ground it was so weighted with a dull script and terminally stupid dialogue . Had the producers cut out all the silly one liners and unrealistic footage , the show would have lasted about 10 minutes . Travolta deserves better than this , but I guess he couldn't say no to the payday .
532,532
70,535
88,852
3
Standard 80's TV fare
Another in a long line of Jack the Ripper returns movies . Every cornball cliche in the book was in this dull , routine , totally predictable yawner . A big city cop moves to Arizona as a way to avoid stress after a bad incident in Chicago . However , he runs into even more pressure when he gets on the trail of a serial murderer who slays in exactly the same fashion as the notorious 19th century London killer . Gad , what a stupid film .
533,119
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100,320
3
Ace adj : of first rank or quality
Didn't live up to the dictionary definition . I have seen Willie Nelson do a good job in a film or two , but this was one of his wooden indian episodes . I would say he needs to stick with singing , but since he falls short in that area also I'll simply claim he needs to stay with song writing . It was obvious early on who the killer was , and even more apparent where the story would end as Kris and crew ran about excitedly chasing the " elusive serial murderer " while keeping a wary eye on the wily Nelson who played a lovable criminal [ innocent , of course ] . Pass this one by and do something useful with your time . I should have .
532,463
70,535
102,125
3
badly done tale
This was not a well done western . You've got this nut riding around in the blazing sun in a buggy with a parasol over it , killing people for his own reasons . You've got this same person sitting in a snow cave during a blizzard , cutting off pieces of his anatomy which have been frostbitten . Then you've got some woman in a house out in the middle of somewhere shooting wolves that are not there . What is the point of this film ? Couldn't Bruce Dern find something better to do ? This was a waste of film .