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intrusive thoughts every day
i am having trouble dealing with my intrusive thoughts and coping with intense stress. i have constant thoughts that tell me i'm useless, not worth it, the usual. i'm desensitized to thoughts of throwing myself down the stairs in the morning or when i am walking to classes. one that is more brutal is the desire to chop off a limb. i held a pair of scissors and had the strong desire to slice my face the other week. i am so drained from fighting with thoughts and, as i said before, i am desensitized to a lot of gruesome material. i wish i was as innocent as i once was and didn't hate myself so much. my that i've had since i was 4 had to be put down last saturday and that has made life more difficult. i have finals for college and i have had no energy for schoolwork or my job. i'm tired.
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I want to carve her name onto me
I know it's creepy and disgusting, and everyone would be freaked out by me if they saw it somehow, but I just want to carve her name onto my chest or something. I smile whenever I see her name, I love her so much, I know she probably hates me, I know I'm too obsessive, but I've done way worse in the past. Why is she so cool why is she so perfect and I'm just trash? I just want to carve her name onto me Hell I've been 10 minutes clean I'm doing it.
7
Any selfharmers whove stopped for a long time?
I really miss selfharming I haven't self harmed in a good few years and I miss it! I'm not suicidal or even feeling especially bad tonight but just miss it as a coping mechanism. I guess like an ex smoker wanting a sneaky one I had to stop because it freaked my partner out. They'd freak out then I would have to have a dark cloud over us. What I miss is being able to sort the whirl pool out in my head, then just go about my life. I'll be fine tomorrow but if they saw I'd be expected to be down and not have fun for a long time. I sort of miss the time when my body was mine and I could decide what I wanted to do, having to have that level of accountability sucks (I'm fine and safe just incase this alarms someone)
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I haven't been this clean for months
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Finally got back to a decent streak. Now the goal is to keep it...
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I feel done
I have memory loss of mostly everything before I was 17 from a traumatic event. I can only concentrate some because my thoughts are filled with s/i. I’m stuck in a house with abusive parents and there’s no way out of it, I asked to go to an ER recently and it’s not a possibility.
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TW-sh description
I’m desperate for that singeing feeling and I’ll dig through trash cans and rummage around in the box cutters’ box to try and find a sharp blade.
4
I'll try this...
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I've been about a month clean but then it happened again...
So, My mom found the container of glass shards and threw them away (I cut myself with glass) and I had forgotten about them for a while. But then one day I felt like I had to cut myself and I noticed the container was missing. I was really upset but then the next day I found them in the trash and I took the container out and took a shard and...Yeah, I'm mad at myself for cutting myself again but this is one of the only ways to cope (I have strict parents + I'm really young so yeah).
3
Check out this blog I wrote for anyone who struggles with their SH scars. You have nothing to prove.
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Online Study on Improving Mood
Have you found that most days you feel a loss of interest, down, irritable, or have sleep difficulties? Some of these symptoms may be improvable with brief online interventions! Palo Alto University is conducting a research study to assess whether certain interventions are helpful and can easily be provided to people with depression symptoms. If you would like to participate in a short study (10-20 minutes and a 5-minute survey in 3 days), go to [https://paloaltou.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_eCK0zC1K3Um4vaK](https://paloaltou.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eCK0zC1K3Um4vaK)!
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..
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Hi I’m new… (9 days clean by the way, I’m not good at this 😞)
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100 days clean!!!
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2 years and a couple months clean and I still feel absolutely useless and like I could relapse any minute
cause my app is fucking up im trying to flair this as spoiler for TW but it won't let me I give up. drawing on cuts on my arm in pen to make me feel better but it doesn't make me feel better i just want to hurt and feel the stings on my arms ugh for god's sake im such a pathetic baby i don't even know why im upset and triggered in the first place im on my own right now too i just don't know how to make myself feel better honestly like the only reason I haven't killed myself is my anti depressants, the fact I'm a coward and scared of death anyway, and that I'm so much of a people pleaser that I feel guilty about making anyone upset after I'm gone,, all these feelings would feel better if i could cut myself
3
[REPOST] Trauma & Resilience Survey — research opportunity for 18+ US adults
\[SECOND AND FINAL POST\] Dr. Julia Dodd in the STARH Lab at East Tennessee State University is conducting an anonymous study on people in the United States’ physical and mental well-being and their resilience. We are interested in getting information from any person 18 years or older who lives in the United States. The questions will be about physical health, mental health, and stressful life experiences such as sexual abuse or assault, and all responses will be completely confidential. If at any point you feel uncomfortable or upset by the survey questions, resources are provided below and at the end of the study. This survey should take around 30 minutes to complete. At the end of the survey, you can choose to be entered into a drawing to win one of four $25 Amazon electronic gift cards. If you choose to be entered into the drawing, you will need to click the link at the end of the survey to enter your email address. This link will take you to another survey where you can share your email. Your email address will not be linked with your survey responses in any way, and will be kept completely confidential (i.e., will not be shared with any other entities). If you have any questions or concerns about this study, please feel free to contact the principal investigator, Dr. Julia Dodd, at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) or (423)439-4847. Thank you for considering participating in this research. Please click the following link if you wish to be taken to the survey: [https://etsuredcap.etsu.edu/surveys/?s=PM3DFE7KAKCWRJET](https://etsuredcap.etsu.edu/surveys/?s=PM3DFE7KAKCWRJET)
0
243 days!
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My intrusive SH thoughts got worse with medication and I'm panicking
So, about 5 weeks ago, I checked myself into the hospital because I felt everything was going out of hand and I couldn't handle it. I'm beginning to wonder if that was a mistake. I was diagnosed with severe depression the same day, and immediately put on fluoxetine. I was also admitted for two weeks. And so far, since I was released, it's been... really bad. I feel like I'm on a downwards spiral. I've been clean for the past 5 weeks, but I know the only thing keeping me from cutting again is the fear of being readmitted. Intrusive self harm thoughts flood my brain everyday and I have to put in a lot of effort to get them out of my mind. My doctors recently decided to change the medication(when I told them everything was getting worse) and I'm now being slowly weaned off fluoxetine before I get started on the new drug. However, I'm not as hopeful as I was when I first checked in to the hospital. I'm frustrated and beat down and I don't know how long I can keep being clean for.
3
7 Years Clean from Cutting, 4-15-15
Today marks 7 years of being cut free. I wanted to spread this all over Reddit because this is one of very few things I can actually be proud of. It is still an almost daily struggle. So when these anniversaries come around (I'm also over 7 years sober from alcohol) I celebrate hard. It helps me to going when I want to relapse. But I also do this for the handful of loved ones I have, especially my mother. I hope everyone has a great day. Thank you :)
16
Guess who relapsed!?!?!?TW
So it happened, after being clean and finding methods to stay that way for many weeks, u relapsed.....I think the worst part is the fact that I felt happy after I did it.....but now I just feel guilty and like I'm worthless again for doing it.....the scars are permanent and will be there to haunt me....I have found a way to be proud of the scars sure but adding more doesn't make me prouder it just makes me feel worse....I was doing so well but I guess everything just got too overwhelming and I relapsed....I don't know what to do now
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Anyone mind talking?
I feel horrible my anxiety is going crazy anyone mind talking for a bit? Preferely another girl i wouldnt feel comfortable talking to a guy
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i just wasted seven years of being clean.
I used to self harm pretty bad. Seven years later my scars are still there, prominent, raised, but white at least. I do not know what came over me tonight, but the feeling of shame and disappointment is indescribable. I can not believe I just wasted SEVEN YEARS of not harming myself. I told myself since I didn’t use a blade (like I used to) that it did not count, but I still inflicted harm on myself. There was still bleeding. There is still pain. It still counts. And now that I have done it, washed all those years down the drain, I am wondering what is stopping me from just doing it like I used to. I need help. I need advice. I do not know who to go to about this. My mom would be destroyed and my friends would be disappointed to see me fall into this again, after being “okay” for so long. I am on four different medications for depression and anxiety. I still see a therapist every three months or so. I did not take my meds today, I think that had a big impact on my actions. I’m just sitting here wondering.. does this mean it never gets better? Will this part of me never go away? I started self harming when I was 10. I turn 20 in a month. I have been fighting for quite literally half of my life, and I am tired.
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I miss honeymoon phase (TW for sh, ed and trauma)
Lately I've been wanting to feel like I did when I was younger. I don't know, careless, clean, pretty. Which has lead to me wanting to relapse both self harm and my eating disorder. But I can't do either because I'm a) 3 and a half years clean of self harm (each time I grow more resentful of that goddamn number) and b) starting to see physical damage on my body from not eating enough. I know relapsing wouldn't feel like the first time and that's really the only thing keeping me. I still miss it. I wish I could hug my 11 year old self. He didn't deserve any of this.
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Is self-harm ideation a thing?
Like "s" ideation, but about sh. When in huge distress I fantasise about my body being mutilated, destroyed, sometimes by myself, sometimes in other way. Especially at night, when I have intrusive thoughts, including those about doing actual sh, it gives me slight relief, even if only for a short while. I don't know what it is, really. I'm on antidepressants since a week ago (after loooong years of not taking care of myself at all) so i hope it will subside with time.
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am i the only one?
Sometimes something small can trigger me and i get mad at myself. Does this happen to others?
8
I feel really bad
Hey, I feel really bad because earlier I was cooking then I went to eat. Later, around 11:30 I checked my texts and saw that around the time I was cooking my mom texted me telling her to give her the scissors . I didn't notice the text because I didn't have my phone. She came up and got the glasses herself. She's not mad at me but I'm mad at myself for not seeing the text earlier. I feel like I could of helped her if I had just seen the text. But I didn't. Now I feel like a piece of shit. I thought about self harming. I know it stupid for me to think about self harming. I'm sorry If I've bothered anyone. I just needed to get it out.
9
I need advice on how to stop SH
I’m in my 20’s and have been using SH to cope this last 10 years or so. I’m fed up of relying on it to cope and really need advice tips and tricks to stop myself
11
Hey
Hey I don't know what to do. I'm worthless, doing bad in school, and my families house is falling apart. It all my fault.
5
It’s been a while
It’s been a while that I came to this subreddit. But I just wanna share that i’m actually 12 days clean after a loooong time of never wanting to be clean again. I’m trying, I am. It doesn’t mean I feel better or get better, but atleast it is something. Yeah.
3
I've had a strong urge to relapse, so I decided to see how much time I'd be throwing away. I'd like to get to 2 years.
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7 months clean!
I am 7 months clean! I never thought I would get this far! I still struggle with intense urges but slowly learning healthier coping strategies!
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How do I control the urge?
I need help. Lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress and pain in my personal life, and it has led to the urge to self harm again. I’ve been clean for some years, but whenever the urge hits me now I just write horrible cruel things allover my arms/ etc where I would of harmed myself. Now I don’t know what’s worse, I need help. How do you guys control yourself? Is writing on myself just as bad?
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6 months clean but afraid of relapse
So as title says I am afraid of relapsing due to stressors in my life that I can't just drop. I don't have immediate access to my preferred method of sh and am just looking for advice on ways to alleviate this feeling
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fading old scars. i’ve been using vitamin e oil, mederma, and silicone sheets interchangeably for a few months and haven’t seen any improvements. these scars are about 2 years old. i’m worried this is as good as they’ll ever look. any advice?
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14 months clean still get urges
Any suggestions On Distractions
3
Explaining to a friend? *possible tw
Tomorrow I've made plans to tell a friend about cutting. She is going to pick me up early before church for the conversation. She knows about my depression and and I told her I needed to tell her about how I havent been dealing with it as well as everyone thinks and that's why I'm going back to therapy...so I kinda eluded to it. I was thinking about how to explain to her why I do it and it is such a multilayered problem for me. One of the things that has come up a lot in my journal connected to my urges is feelings of hopelessness. Cutting makes me feel calm and not hopeless anymore, but how could I articulate this to my friend? Also any other advice towards explaining other reasons for cutting is appreciated. I'm really scared but trying to remain hopeful that it will be worth it in the long haul. Thanks friends
7
5 days clean!! High five!!!
Idk Im so proud right now and needed to share it with somebody. I know it doesn't seem like much especially considering that I've been bedridden for all of these past five days but I resisted plenty of urges and even when I felt like self-harm was the only way out, I still pushed through. Also someone needs to celebrate the smaller steps. When I started out, seeing someone make it for about the same amount of time that I did was incredibly validating.
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How to stop feeling proud of freshly made cuts and especially the ones which emit blood first try
Just looking for advice im concerned something is wrong with me
13
Substitutes
I’ve been self harming in and of for about 2 years, I guess my main reasons are that if I feel a strong emotion (happy, sad, angry) I tend to act irrationally and say really bad things and cutting helps me with that. Since most of my reasons are impulsive I can’t really do things like take a walk, or yoga. Do you know anything that can help for this?
2
March 24 (9 years and counting)
I wish I could post this on Facebook but I can't. Because my family (minus my sister) don't know (for reasons) and so I wanted to share this with you today. Today is March 24th. 9 years ago in 2013, I sat in my office chair at my desk. I was home alone, I lived alone. I knew I wouldn't be found for a few days. I knew I wouldn't be found until it was too late. I took my favorite pair of scissors and I made little straight line cuts up the left side of my left arm. I got to the end of my forearm and I knew I had a decision to make. I cut again in a few more places, avoiding answering the question. Is today the day? Is today my last day? But I instead, as I do, answered a question with another question. I proposed upon myself- the real question. The one that borders just cutting and cutting your life short. You can make up all kinds of reasons to stay. Ask a stranger, they've got reasons for you. Anyone can tell you why you should stay, but those words don't stick. You need to feel it, believe it. So that big question I asked myself was what are the reasons to leave? Umm I'm overweight, I hate myself, I hate my body, I hate the hand I was dealt in life. But what are things you'll never overcome? What if you surpassed your self hatred? Made amends with what your life is? And even changed it? At the time all of that was unfathomable to me. But I just..I just couldn't grasp a reason. I wanted to leave, but in order to do that I needed a solid answer. A solid reason. The pain of living? The struggle to get through hard times just to crawl into a bubble of things that make you happy. Yeah I had reasons to live, I just didn't want to anymore. I got frustrated with it all, for trying to talk myself out of it while talking myself into it and I couldn't decide. So I threw the scissors. I threw them in the direction of my legs that were propped up in front of me on the desk. The open scissor blade struck my left shin and it split open. I have this harrowing tale of driving to the hospital, lying, getting stitches, and laying on my couch alone that night. But what I wanted to get to was after that day, every year I do something I think everyone who is suicidal wants to be able to do. I look back and I say "with everything that has happened, was it worth staying alive for 9 years? Or do you wish you'd been in the ground all this time?" I typed on my work computer the date today. Adding on the year 2022. And I thought to myself, typing that year this far into the future, one year away from 10 full years of life I almost gave up on, is something I never would have pictured then. Life has been quite insane and crazy since then, but I always try to look back at that lost and lonely person, trying to make a gravely important decision, and I know I'm not that person anymore. Not only that, but January 1st of this year I hit 2 years self harm free. Something I also never expected to happen. Life is hard, life sucks, but I can't tell anyone whether they should live or die, because I couldn't even answer it myself. And on this day, my almost death day, I hope these words helped you. I hope they helped someone you know. I hope they helped you look deeper into why you're doing what you're doing, and help you make better decisions. It's a long read deep from the darkest parts of my soul, and the darkest day of my nearly ended life, but I appreciate you taking the time to read this. Happy 9 years of life I almost didn't live to me. And many many more.....
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I need to vent this somewhere I'll be understood. (CW)
I'm currently working on getting better, and clean, which means my scars have healed. It feels so strange without scars or bandages. I already had a complicated relationship with my body and where I would primarily cut. It feels so naked.
5
Help me list reasons to stop?
Ever since I gave in the other night, it feels like I fed a monster. It's all I can think about. I want to do it again so much. I was planning to go back to therapy (still am) and it's already going to be hard to talk about giving in the once, and I don't want to make it harder by continuing to do it. I guess that's one reason. Number 2 is the guilt afterwards, especially hurting my loved ones. I've been telling myself all day that the more I do it the more I'll want to, so I'm not going to satisfy the desire by giving in. This is really hard. I wish I didn't want to anymore.
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Coping Technique I just found!
My boyfriend has materials needed to do professional tattoos as well as fake skin. He doesn't like the fake skin sheets because they're too thin for him. I asked if I could have one because I was heated and ready to act on an impulse. He said yes, I laid it on my thigh where I usually cut and had at it with a pair of scissors. It didn't breech the fake skin and I can do it a million times until I feel better. Disclaimer, I'm speaking as someone who cuts for the sake of the impulse not for the pain, so if you're someone who does it for the pain, the only advice I have is the generic rubber band thing we all get told to do in therapy.
19
After over a year...
I was almost 14mo clean until last night. I don't know what drove me over the edge. I'm 17, work 2 jobs, am dual enrolled... I'm trying to get somewhere and make money to get out of my parents' house. My dad and I don't have a good relationship and we fight a lot, but I should be used to it. It happened and I can't change it, but now I need to deal with the repercussions and not doing it again. I've been w my boyfriend for 7mo now. He knows I've self-harmed in the past. Should I tell him I did it again? Is it unfair not to? I don' t want to lose him or hurt him, but my depression is a lot worse, it took a turn a little after New Years and I thought I was handling it. I don' t want to lash at out him, but I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice in this situation?
8
I gave in. *maybe TW?
I finally gave in last night after a few years not cutting. I have been going through a hard round of depression that has sent my urges into overdrive. I had scratched myself a couple times over the last several months, but last night I cut. And I so badly want to say that it didn't help anymore, but it did. There were so many things leading up to it, and such a mix of emotions afterward too both positive and negative. So after cutting I needed to process everything. So I wrote 5 pages and it took almost 2 hours. I basically broke everything down into two lists: How I had felt before cutting, and how I felt after (both positive and negative). After writing to process it out, I actually felt pretty good. I wasn't feeling so hopeless, that was one of my triggers to cut, and I just felt so much calmer even hours later. Like I could breathe and I knew everything was going to be okay again. I just wish I didn't have to cut myself anymore to feel that way. Mostly because of the guilt. I feel really disappointed about giving in, but at the same time I still feel better than I did before cutting so I can't even totally regret it. One of the weird things I thought about before falling asleep, was the moment right before I cut. Sitting in the bathroom, instrument in hand and I got this big burst of excitement. Hope. Honestly this is such a shitty addiction. Sometimes I wish I was just an alcoholic. Seems more socially understood than SH. Before this I had 26 days clean from SH, and now I have to start all over and it's going to be even harder because now I know it still helps. And eventually I have to tell my family and it's going to hurt them. And depending on their reaction it might trigger me to want to cut again. I'm feeling pretty lonely. If you've read this far. Thank you.
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first time posting but instead of self-harming tn I'm gonna share this little text cuz I do love both those things and I am focusing on that
​ https://preview.redd.it/f8ry44mxymo81.png?width=197&format=png&auto=webp&s=affff775a901df6ba4ab90a92a20a1fed6222058
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TW: dreams about SH?! Mixed emotions
I just had a dream that I cut myself and it was similar to how I cut in real life for the very first time. I'm just waking up and still overwhelmed by a mix of emotion. Relief that it was a dream because it was my wrist I had cut (shallowly) and wrists are hard to hide. But extremely disappointed to wake up and realize I don't have any cuts. I miss wearing my pain. Has anyone else ever had a dream about SH and had a similar reaction? This has never happened to me before.
21
Two years without! It’s a struggle but you just gotta keep goin.
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New here, but I'm having some really bad urges rn and need encouragement.
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Strong urges *TW
I have really strong urges to cut...or at least scratch. I really miss being in physical pain, and seeing my pain on my body. I told my husband I miss having a rubber band because that has helped me not cut but he doesn't like it when I do it and I don't have any more rubber bands. He's home to keep me busy for a few hours. What else can I do? My depression feels so heavy and painful inside tonight 💔
2
I'm so proud of myself
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3 weeks
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Probably more by a few hours but yeah
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not much but I'm happy since I've been relapsing so fucking much lately
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I was in the shower... and something came out
\*\*TRIGGER WARNING\*\* LISTEN AT YOUR OWN RISK - IT HAS A POSITIVE MESSAGE AT THE END ""\_\_\_Unscripted Shower Song "Shot in the Dark"\_\_\_""--- on YouTube This was a very odd and shocking experience. I just got out of the shower home alone and was just continuing to sing/merge popular songs into a sort of a cappella singing mixtape. Was just jammin'. I never do this, but to my surprise i just started to sing random words. I AM NOT A SONGWRITER. And I've given up on several instruments. The rhyming isn't elaborate and there is no consistent beat, but it wasn't for anybody.. Just me. In the moment. After a few verses I slowly got my phone to record while my eyes were closed so nothing left me. It wasn't until after I listened to it that I realized the profoundness. I wasn't trying to please anybody. I'm still not. But it was such an odd experience that it felt wrong to just leave it on my phone. I knew others could benefit from this song. You're mind is your worst enemy. But that just makes one. There is an entire race going through the same thoughts and insecurities. If none of this does anything - just know that you have one more ally on your side rooting for you - me. I doubt anybody will read or listen to this... But if you do. You are a SURVIVOR. That is special. You're doing great. Just keep going. \-SpcyMstrd
3
what are some worldwide resources that are available to help deal with self harm? any in particular to us or australia will also help. Its for linking it in a YouTube video.
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One thing I've started doing to keep from an extreme relapse is getting play doh and cutting it rather than myself....it helps a little but only temporarily.....it might not work for you but it's always worth a try and maybe give it a go....you can buy it at most dollar stores too which is nice
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question
if I go to a therapist about self harm will they send me to a mental hospital????
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i'm pretty sure i need help
tw ​ ​ ​ i've been cutting myself for about a month, every single day. i'm too afraid to tell anyone, what do i do?
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wavhasfangs is an artist who is using his creativity, rap flow, and voice to discuss mental illness. He recently dropped his debut album to help those experiencing a suicide crisis or emotional distress and bring these sensitive topics to light. Please take a look and consider sharing!
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Trying to stop.(this is basically a rant/vent post)
I'm finding it really hard. I just have the angry meltdowns in my head and I want to attack my body. I've got quite a vivid imagination so sometimes when it gets really bad I can remember the pain from before quite clearly, and that sometimes stops me. I also have some bruises left that are reminding me why I need to stop. I just need the release. From the stupid triggers that fire at me from all angles. I've let my mental health deteriorate so much recently, and having no good coping mechanisms left. I dont feel like I've got anyone not toxic to talk to. My family are great, and not toxic people, but I haven't had conversations with them about self harm. They don't really understand the aspects of self harm, and I dont want them thinking that I'm always in pain. Even though I basically am. God I hate my life. It started as a way to try and get my abusive boyfriend's attention(like 12 years ago) and since he didn't care, I've been having self harm pity parties when I get into my dark mental health shitty hole. Because nobody really gives a shit about it. "You'll be fine" is all I've heard during my life. Because everybody else believes it. That I will be. But right now I'm letting my mental health and physical health drop, and basically waiting for the inevitable end. I don't know a way out that isn't self harming. The timing is probably off for the people who are on this sub, I can imagine nobody seeing this because of time posting and time zones. Bsacially a vent post though. I'm not very good at accepting advice because I think nobody cares about me being around for much longer. I'll just fade out from people's lives and go live in the middle of nowhere in New Zealand and let it happen. But its not fair because my poor body is desperately trying to keep me alive, and my brain is in self destruct mode.
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Burning paper as a coping mechanism
I found a coping mechanism that doesn't involve hurting myself or destroying my body/life. I just burn paper outside and watch it. (In the sink, bathtub or balcony, if you cant go out for whatever reason) I inhale the smoke (I googled it, its only a small amount and therefore harmless) and try to predict the way the fire will develop. It gives me the opportunity to destroy something, release my emotions and aggression, makes me feel relaxed and in control, allows me to concentrate and entertains me. I also just really like fire, I think its pretty. Please tell me if you know other coping mechanism similar to this. Anyway, I thought I might share! This works for me (not always). If you think this might help you, try it and tell me what you think.
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:)
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Drawing on body as a coping mechanism
Idk how much this will help anyone but I just share my new found coping mechanisms here because they really helped me alot even if it doesnt stop me from selfharming completely. I like drawing and I usually draw to express my emotions and frustrations the same way I express my emotions and frustrations through selfharm. So whenever I feel like I have to sh to do that, I just draw on my body. It's different from drawing on paper. It takes more concentration (to me) and is easiy available during a mental breakdown. It also feels more personal because its part of me and looks like a tattoo and I've always wanted to have one of those. Even when i just want to sh and there are drawings on the bodypart where I want to hurt myself, I can't bring myself to do it because I a) don't want to destroy the drawing b) don't want my blood to mix with the ink
5
Trauma & Resilience Survey — research opportunity for 18+ US adults
Dr. Julia Dodd in the STARH Lab at East Tennessee State University is conducting an anonymous study on people in the United States’ physical and mental well-being and their resilience. We are interested in getting information from any person 18 years or older who lives in the United States. The questions will be about physical health, mental health, and stressful life experiences such as sexual abuse or assault, and all responses will be completely confidential. If at any point you feel uncomfortable or upset by the survey questions, resources are provided below and at the end of the study. This survey should take around 30 minutes to complete. At the end of the survey, you can choose to be entered into a drawing to win one of four $25 Amazon electronic gift cards. If you choose to be entered into the drawing, you will need to click the link at the end of the survey to enter your email address. This link will take you to another survey where you can share your email. Your email address will not be linked with your survey responses in any way, and will be kept completely confidential (i.e., will not be shared with any other entities). If you have any questions or concerns about this study, please feel free to contact the principal investigator, Dr. Julia Dodd, at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) or (423)439-4847. Thank you for considering participating in this research. Please click the following link if you wish to be taken to the survey: [https://etsuredcap.etsu.edu/surveys/?s=PM3DFE7KAKCWRJET](https://etsuredcap.etsu.edu/surveys/?s=PM3DFE7KAKCWRJET)
2
I'm getting better i guess
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any suggestions for alternatives?
One of the biggest reasons I wrestle with SH-ing is to wear my pain on my body, especially when words feel too complicated. I'm waiting to see a therapist again but in the meantime, have any of you learned any helpful skills to express painful emotions? Especially when they aren't neccesarily connected to an event like depression. Thanks in advance
3
I cut for the first time in ages
Its been so long, but I let it all boil up and i couldnt stop myself Its like It was either this or death There are thing i cant think about for so long or else i just cant handle my life I feel like shit and my arm hurts but jesus fuck i dont feel as fuzzy any more I wanted to say I couldnt just keep it inside and i feel stupid talking to a helpline Thanks for reading if you did If anyone has substantial advice to stop me from doing this in the future when i feel helpless, please, bless me Idk if this is nsfw i doubt it but sorry if so
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Social Media Recruitment Advertisement
Are you currently 18 years or older and have a history of nonsuicidal self-injury (NSSI)? You may be eligible to participate in a brief 20-minute survey that aims to better understand the experience of self-injury, as well as opinions related to a recently proposed Nonsuicidal Self-Injury Disorder, among those with a lived experience. You will be entered into a raffle to win a $20 gift card for your participation. In addition to completing to the online survey, you will have the option to participate in one of 40 follow-up interviews (one-hour in length) about your experiences. Participants who complete the interview will receive an additional $20 gift card. If interested in completing the baseline survey, please following this link: [https://nd.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_55BLwjOxIRhkBFz](https://nd.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_55BLwjOxIRhkBFz)
3
New subreddit about mental health
It’s called r/disorders and anyone can join.
5
I messed up
I was clean for 7 months and everything was great but about a month ago I started cutting every day and I’m afraid my friends will start to notice. I do it on my upper thigh but I thought I was past this and I don’t want anyone to know.
22
New here/wrestling urges (possible tw)
I wanted to make a post because I have been finding it helpful to read others posts here. A bit of my back story....I started cutting as a teenager struggling with depression. It frustrated me not having the skills to communicate about what I was going through and depression strips me of my ability to cry. So cutting became a way to survive the pain I was in on and off for a couple years. I eventually realized I couldn't give in forever, and went to therapy to work on quitting. Once I went off to college I had a few slip ups, but overall got better. The last time I cut was during a depression I went through a few weeks before getting married, which was 4.5 years ago. I was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder so depression has continued to be a theme in my life story. I have been going through one of the hardest depressions in my life over the last couple months, and in true nature my urges to cut have been frequent and intense. I have challenged myself to get help instead of giving in, and have definitely taken some steps in the right direction but still having a difficult time. Can't see my primary care to start meds for another month. I'm on a wait list to see a therapist. I started a new journal, and found a support group for people with depression and bipolar disorder. I've managed to not cut at all these last couple months, though I did turn to scratching a couple of times with my fingernails, still leaving marks. Last night I felt very overwhelmed by the urge and my emotions and allowed myself to run the edge of a safety pin along my arm and it reminded me how much I miss cutting. This morning the red lines are gone so no damage there. Anyway if you've read this whole thread, thanks. Just trying to get through this and running out of ideas, and sometimes I don't know how much longer I can stay SH free.
8
In my session today, my therapists said that I’ve relapsed bad and severely. She mentioned sending me back to the residential therapy center. Does she have the power to send me away somewhere or is it up to me to go back to the hospital or the residential therapy center?
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3
Trigger Warning: In this video I explain the events that led me to harming myself for over 10 years.
[Cutting, Burning, Addiction: Why I self harmed for over 10 years](https://youtu.be/BEqi5bk9zpM)
11
I am so royally screwed.
I'm currently on my way home after losing my temper at an event, upsetting my best friend...again. Several times over the last few months this has happened. No idea why, used to be so much better at keeping a lid on it. I mean to get my DR to put me back on my SSRIs but I know as soon as I get home, I am going to relapse. And Hard. I've been clean over 6 years, and I dont think I have another hour left in me. So yeah, I'm royally f***ed. Update: my best friend never wants to see me again (correctly) so I'm not holding hope the my 6 year streak will remain
20
I am almost a year clean but i am starting to feel a relapse slowly approaching
I'm so frustrated because my mental illness had been fucking me over and making me feel like shit. I haven't relapsed yet but fuck it can feel it coming. This sucks so bad.
9
Ya’ll! It took 3 years of relapses to get here. Thank you all for your support, truly. I believe I couldn’t have gotten this far without the encouragement for this sub. Thank you. 🖤
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Relapse in front of support group
How do you not feel like a failure to your support group after relapsing?
17
longest I’ve been clean
I just wanted to share how long I’ve been clean, I’ve been clean since January 25. Although I still get really bad urges I’ve replaced them with taking a bath or just sleeping. I really hope I can stay clean from now on, this being the longest I’ve been clean I’ve started realizing that sh was only making me more miserable. Recently I’ve found life flowing more easily, I wouldn’t say I’m overfilled with joy but I definitely think I’m getting better. 18 days clean and counting :))
20
Has anyone ever tried laser removal
Not that I could afford it right now but I’m curious abt peoples experiences. A part of me wants to keep the scars, like they are a part of me now and they are also a reminder now not to cut. Another part of me knows that they signal “mental” and even “dangerous” to people and I am worried about them getting in the way of my professional life
10
why the fuck do I never feel satisfied
I just bit the fuck out of my arm repeatedly, and drew blood for the first time. It hurts, but not really, certainly tender. I thought that would be enough, felt myself calming down a bit and then felt so much rage. I bit my other arm, punched my leg and went full rocky on my bitten arms and still feel fucking angry. Why does this not work. Why am I still feeling upset. I'll be honest, it feels 10x better than just sitting, screaming and feeling the urges, but I still feel like hurting myself. Why is this? Why does this happen? Nothing takes away this feeling faster than just sitting it out. But sitting it out feels like torture! It feels like I want to rip my skin off to feel okay. Bruh self harm is stupid, doesn't even work, I still feel like garbage.
14
Recruiting Research Participants
The Affect, Suicide, Self-Injury, and Social Triggers (ASSIST) Lab at the University of Notre Dame is looking for individuals interested in participating in research. Are you currently 18 years or older and have a history of nonsuicidal self-injury (NSSI)? You may be eligible to participate in a brief 20-minute survey that aims to better understand the experience of self-injury, as well as opinions related to a recently proposed Nonsuicidal Self-Injury Disorder, among those with a lived experience. You will be entered into a raffle to win a $20 gift card for your participation. In addition to completing to the online survey, you will have the option to participate in one of 40 follow-up interviews (one-hour in length) about your experiences. Participants who complete the interview will receive an additional $20 gift card. If interested in completing the baseline survey, please following this link: [https://nd.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_55BLwjOxIRhkBFz](https://nd.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_55BLwjOxIRhkBFz) Thank you.
6
I wanted to self-harm today... BUT I DIDN'T
I didn't give in. I haven't for about 3 or 4 weeks. I have off/on been in self-harm recovery over the years as well as mental illness and trauma. I am coping. I am coping and it feels good! It is not easy but it is worth it. Hope this reminds someone else that they can do it too.
25
i need a reason to stop
i dont go outside and i stopped going to school a year ago so i kind of just stay in my room day after day. i'm only sixteen and i've gone through a lot in life. i'm kind of at a turning point where i need to decide if i want to start self harming again or quit for good. i don't have anyone in my life to stop for in fact, i have quite the opposite. i really hate my parents and i know that self harming makes them upset so i use it as a tool to get to them. anyways, idk if anyone will see this or if anyone will have an answer for me but i have only one question. why should i stop? i need a reason otherwise i think i'll just give up. if anyone has any advice that would be great. thanks.
15
i keep getting urges to self harm again.
ive been under so much stress due to a teacher lying about me and the fear of losing all my friends and lover i feel like a burden to everyone around me and like i have no one to support me my mind keeps going back to sharp objects and cutting again i dont know what to do and am shaking and crying while typing this. please i need help i feel so anxious and i dont have anyone to talk to and cant reach out for professional help as im only 14 i dont want to go back to that but I feel there is no other options im just so fucking tired of all of this of life and everyone in it I just don't fucking know anymore
8
I am starting to self-harm.
I didn't (yet) cut myself or anything but I've been punching myself and I am now considering even more ways of causing pain to myself. I dont know why I do it, seriously.
10
I relapsed after years
It’s been about 5 years since the last time I cut. Once I stopped cutting I kept on self harming in other ways but I always tried to fight the urge to cut….idk. Today I did it again. I regret it so much and I’m so scared I’m going to end up in the state of mind I was in all those years ago. I’ve been working on better myself and have sought out therapy but today I just couldnt fight the urge. It feels like all of my hard work throughout the years flew out the window. I feel like a failure.
18
I think my boyfriend might be self harming
So a while ago I asked him to reassure me he wasn’t hurting himself or had plans to kill himself because he’s depressed and I had a bad dream he did both of those things. He promised he didn’t have plans to kill him himself but didn’t say anything about the self harm until I asked him and he said that he doesn’t do it anymore. It really worries me he didn’t respond the first time and I want to help him if he is self harming, but I don’t really know how. I self harm so I understand what it’s like (I’m trying to stop btw) but I don’t know how to help him or ask him about it. Do you have any ideas that could help?
16
I'm just trying to make a change in my life
Hello everyone, I really don't post on here often because I'm usually going through a lot in my life and everything is always a up and down Rollercoaster for me. But I'm starting this new chapter where I want to be more happy and completely different from my past self. After struggling with depression and anxiety all my life, I felt hopeless, inadequate and just stagnant with the things I was doing. I'm getting older this year and I want to choose happiness, self love and affirmations in this next chapter. A year and a half ago I started this podcast called "One Time For A Good Time" talking about the insecurities and hardships the everyday person goes through. I didn't think anything would come from it, I just wanted to create a platform and put myself out there but over the years everything became therapeutic for me. I began to pour my heart out, get listeners and eventually I would get emails from people expressing how I saved their life in some way. It was amazing seeing the difference I brought into the world. So many of us has been going through rough times recently and I think it's important that we have communities where we can build together and just focus on getting on the right path. I don't know if anyone is interested but here's my podcast, I hope we together can go through 2022 trying to make ourselves feel a little bit better 🥰🥰🥰 if you've gotten this far in the post, I really just want to say I love you and thank you so much for hearing me out. I hope you enjoy ❤❤❤❤ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN5SpmvW8aXeZNdC93mZKgg
2
2 years, 3 months, 3 days and I still gets urges to do it. I'm not convinced I'll EVER stop wanting to or that it really gets easier
I've kept an app counting on my phone all that time, and check it every once in a while now. Whenever I get upset still, feel bad about myself, like I did something stupid, or just on random impulse my brain still goes right to hurting myself. Not even just on a bad day but always. 2 1/4 years later and I still get thoughts or urges almost every day. Even trivial negative things my mind still jumps to how much better I'd feel if I hurt myself. Instantly and reflexively, all this time has done nothing to retrain my brain or disassociate those things. My brain still clings to it just as much as it did 2 years ago. Checked that app because I'm really wanting to today still and wanted to see how far I've gotten, and it only kinda made it worse that it's been that long and I still feel it so much. Hopeless.
14
Found an old razor blade
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I'm trying to stop, I don't know if I can do this.
I feel so vulnerable and weak without it. I don't know if I can free myself from this. I had a nice almost 4 year clean achievement that I took so much pride in, but then anxiety reached its peak. It was too much for me and I relapsed. I was weak, I couldn't fight back, I was selfish, I was pathetic. I felt like shit when I was doing it. I was crying like someone had just died. I'm so stupid. I've been trying to get up ever since. But I can't even stop. I've been seeing things. Every time I look at my arm, I see all the scars for a split second, and I get scared. I have to close my eyes and tell myself that there's nothing there, and then open them to see nothing. Same thing when I lift up my sleeves. I can't stop. I've been clean for 2 weeks now. The worst part is seeing the scars dissapear; it makes me want to do it again. I have a stressful life, and scars dissapearing means that I'm stopping, and stopping means that I won't feel the same way ever again. I won't feel the pleasure and relief flowing in my veins; I won't feel that rush that makes me feel alive. But this is wrong and I know it. This is bad for my mental health. It doesn't matter how it feels if I'll feel like shit after doing it. That's why I want to stop, I'm always miserable after doing it. But I can't go without it; I'll feel so weak and vulnerable. I need help, I want to stop. I need to stop. This isn't good for me. This is wrong. This is not okay.
6
Celebrating one year of being self harm free. I'm kinda proud
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Relapsed and everything is worse now
The title sums it up pretty well but I just wanted to vent. It has been a while since I last cut. I try to not keep track of the exact time since I find that a bit more helpful but it has been months to say the least. Yesterday I got in a fight with my bf and he stormed out of the house saying some things he later apologized for. I basically had a panic attack after he left and I just made the decision to cut again. I wasn't even experiencing any really bad urges but my mind was tired of fighting. I simply gave up and I hate looking at my body now. They look as rash and impulsive as I felt in the moment and I dont know where to go from here. I know I have to talk to my therapist, probably readjust my meds, etc but its so disheartening to be an adult with the same issues I've struggle with since I was a kid. Sorry for ranting but I don't have anyone or anything else to really talk to about this
11
I haven’t cut in 5 years but I still think about it everyday.
I’m currently going through a divorce and some of the worst confirmations of my biggest fears and I’m finding it on my mind more and more and more. I need help. I need advice. I want to go back so bad. If I’m honest the only reason I ever stopped was because everyone was so bothered by it. I miss it but know I can’t go back. I have a son now and don’t want to expose him to more than the scars he’s already seen and asks about. Have any of you managed to stop thinking about it? How???
10
Day 1 clean - a road to recovery
Hi everyone, After so my years of living in what feels like constant pain, I've finally taken the first step towards proper recovery. Today, despite the intense urge, I managed to, as my counselor says, "ride the wave" and stave off the urge to cut myself. While it's not that big of an accomplishment compared to some of the streaks I've seen on this sub, it feels almost unreal. I want to get better, to live a life clean from self-harm and I feel that the first step, even if it's just 1 day, is big in-itself. So yeah, that's my one good thing today, thank you to anyone who read.
9
Is there such thing as tolerance?
I've come to the realization that I've been clean so long, that my pent up frustrations and anxiety is almost certainly going to make a relapse fatal. Which has only served to make my anxiety worse. Knowing that any slip up will likely going to be my last. Note. I've been clean for 6 years, after slowly reducing my events over a decade. And I'm not currently in therapy (I absolutely should be, but it isnt an option atm.)
10
Romanticizing self harm
Have any of y’all wrote poems or songs about missing your self harm? Like knowing it’s something that may never leave you I like other things in life that you know will leave you? I wrote some of a ballad to my self harm and I just wondered if it was weird or not
19
How do I break it to my parents?
I only used to cut my upper thighs, and was able to hide the scars pretty easily. That changed around a month ago when I got drunk one bad afternoon home alone. In my dumbass, drunken state I ended up going to town on my wrists, which has left me with about 40 big, dark purple, easily noticeable scars. I know they won’t become unnoticeable for a very long time, because the scars from I when I started cutting my legs last year still look the same deep purple. My parents don’t know about any of this, and they’re starting to ask about me wearing long sleeves all the time. My mom keeps our house roiling hot, and it’s very uncomfortable wearing the long sleeves when I’m home. I want to come clean to them, but have no idea what to say or how to start the conversation. To anyone else who dealt with/ are dealing with a similar situation, what do I do? Anyway, thanks.
16
RELASPE / I need help
First of all, sorry for my english, it's not my native language. I start to cut myself about 1 or 2 years ago. Since that's i have a boyfriend i try to stop for me but also for him being proud of me and don't worry about me anymore. I succesfully stop for 6 month but I relapsed last week end. I feel like shit, i want to cry and scream so hard because i'm so disgusted of myself but i can't. I feel no emotions and it's like im super hight every time. Self harm is the only way for me to exprim my anger and to try to doesn't have to much emotions at the same time because my brain can't fucking stop scream non stop. I want to feel something again and be happy without this shit. If someone is sober since a long time or have advice for me i'm here. I really need help...
5