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Captain Absolute, I know not how to apologize for her shocking
rudeness.
ABSOLUTE
[Aside.] So all's safe, I find.--[Aloud.] I have hopes, madam, that
time will bring the young lady----
Mrs. MALAPROP
Oh, there's nothing to be hoped for from her! she's as headstrong as an
allegory on the banks of Nile.
LYDIA
Nay, madam, what do you charge me with now?
Mrs. MALAPROP
Why, thou unblushing rebel--didn't you tell this gentleman to his face
that you loved another better?--didn't you say you never would be his?
LYDIA
No, madam--I did not.
Mrs. MALAPROP
Good heavens! what assurance!--Lydia, Lydia, you ought to know that
lying don't become a young woman!--Didn't you boast that Beverley, that
stroller Beverley, possessed your heart?--Tell me that, I say.
LYDIA
'Tis true, ma'am, and none but Beverley----
Mrs. MALAPROP
Hold!--hold, Assurance!--you shall not be so rude.
ABSOLUTE
Nay, pray, Mrs. Malaprop, don't stop the young lady's speech: she's
very welcome to talk thus--it does not hurt me in the least, I assure
you.
Mrs. MALAPROP
You are too good, captain--too amiably patient--but come with me,
miss.--Let us see you again soon, captain--remember what we have fixed.
ABSOLUTE
I shall, ma'am.
Mrs. MALAPROP
Come, take a graceful leave of the gentleman.
LYDIA
May every blessing wait on my Beverley, my loved Bev----
Mrs. MALAPROP
Hussy! I'll choke the word in your throat!--come along--come along.
[Exeunt severally; CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE kissing his hand to LYDIA--Mrs.
MALAPROP stopping her from speaking.]
[ACRES, as just dressed, and DAVID.]
ACRES
Indeed, David--do you think I become it so?
DAVID
You are quite another creature, believe me, master, by the mass! an'
we've any luck we shall see the Devon mon kerony in all the print-shops
in Bath!
ACRES
Dress does make a difference, David.
DAVID
'Tis all in all, I think.--Difference! why, an' you were to go now to
Clod-Hall, I am certain the old lady wouldn't know you: Master Butler
wouldn't believe his own eyes, and Mrs. Pickle would cry, Lard presarve
me! our dairy-maid would come giggling to the door, and I warrant Dolly
Tester, your honour's favourite, would blush like my waistcoat.--Oons!
I'll hold a gallon, there ain't a dog in the house but would bark, and
I question whether Phillis would wag a hair of her tail!
ACRES
Ay, David, there's nothing like polishing.
DAVID
So I says of your honour's boots; but the boy never heeds me!
ACRES
But, David, has Mr. De-la-grace been here? I must rub up my balancing,
and chasing, and boring.
DAVID
I'll call again, sir.
ACRES
Do--and see if there are any letters for me at the post-office.
DAVID
I will.--By the mass, I can't help looking at your head!--if I hadn't
been by at the cooking, I wish I may die if I should have known the
dish again myself! [Exit.]