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Well said, Jack, and I'll stand by you, my boy.
ACRES
Mind, I give up all my claim--I make no pretensions to any thing in the
world; and if I can't get a wife without fighting for her, by my
valour! I'll live a bachelor.
Sir LUCIUS
Captain, give me your hand: an affront handsomely acknowledged becomes
an obligation; and as for the lady, if she chooses to deny her own
hand-writing, here---- [Takes out letters.]
Mrs. MALAPROP
O, he will dissolve my mystery!--Sir Lucius, perhaps there's some
mistake--perhaps I can illuminate----
Sir LUCIUS
Pray, old gentlewoman, don't interfere where you have no
business.--Miss Languish, are you my Delia, or not?
LYDIA
Indeed, Sir Lucius, I am not. [Walks aside with CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.]
Mrs. MALAPROP
Sir Lucius O'Trigger--ungrateful as you are--I own the soft impeachment
--pardon my blushes, I am Delia.
Sir LUCIUS
You Delia--pho! pho! be easy.
Mrs. MALAPROP
Why, thou barbarous Vandyke--those letters are mine--When you are more
sensible of my benignity--perhaps I may be brought to encourage your
addresses.
Sir LUCIUS
Mrs. Malaprop, I am extremely sensible of your condescension; and
whether you or Lucy have put this trick on me, I am equally beholden to
you.--And, to show you I am not ungrateful, Captain Absolute, since you
have taken that lady from me, I'll give you my Delia into the bargain.
ABSOLUTE
I am much obliged to you, Sir Lucius; but here's my friend, Fighting
Bob, unprovided for.
Sir LUCIUS
Hah! little Valour--here, will you make your fortune?
ACRES
Odds wrinkles! No.--But give me your hand, Sir Lucius, forget and
forgive; but if ever I give you a chance of pickling me again, say Bob
Acres is a dunce, that's all.
Sir ANTHONY
Come, Mrs. Malaprop, don't be cast down--you are in your bloom yet.
Mrs. MALAPROP
O Sir Anthony--men are all barbarians.
[All retire but JULIA and FAULKLAND.]
JULIA
[Aside.] He seems dejected and unhappy--not sullen; there was some
foundation, however, for the tale he told me--O woman! how true should
be your judgment, when your resolution is so weak!
FAULKLAND
Julia!--how can I sue for what I so little deserve? I dare not
presume--yet Hope is the child of Penitence.
JULIA
Oh! Faulkland, you have not been more faulty in your unkind treatment
of me, than I am now in wanting inclination to resent it. As my heart
honestly bids me place my weakness to the account of love, I should be
ungenerous not to admit the same plea for yours.
FAULKLAND
Now I shall be blest indeed!
Sir ANTHONY
[Coming forward.] What's going on here?--So you have been quarrelling
too, I warrant! Come, Julia, I never interfered before; but let me have
a hand in the matter at last.--All the faults I have ever seen in my
friend Faulkland seemed to proceed from what he calls the delicacy and
warmth of his affection for you--There, marry him directly, Julia;
you'll find he'll mend surprisingly!
[The rest come forward.]
Sir LUCIUS
Come, now, I hope there is no dissatisfied person, but what is content;
for as I have been disappointed myself, it will be very hard if I have
not the satisfaction of seeing other people succeed better.
ACRES
You are right, Sir Lucius.--So Jack, I wish you joy--Mr. Faulkland the
same.--Ladies,--come now, to show you I'm neither vexed nor angry, odds
tabors and pipes! I'll order the fiddles in half an hour to the New
Rooms--and I insist on your all meeting me there.