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Sir LUCIUS
Your honour--your honour.--Here they are.
ACRES
O mercy!--now--that I was safe at Clod-Hall! or could be shot before I
was aware!
[Enter FAULKLAND and CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.]
Sir LUCIUS
Gentlemen, your most obedient.--Hah!--what, Captain Absolute!--So, I
suppose, sir, you are come here, just like myself--to do a kind office,
first for your friend--then to proceed to business on your own account.
ACRES
What, Jack!--my dear Jack!--my dear friend!
ABSOLUTE
Hark'ee, Bob, Beverley's at hand.
Sir LUCIUS
Well, Mr. Acres--I don't blame your saluting the gentleman
civilly.--[To FAULKLAND.] So, Mr. Beverley, if you'll choose your
weapons, the captain and I will measure the ground.
FAULKLAND
My weapons, sir!
ACRES
Odds life! Sir Lucius, I'm not going to fight Mr. Faulkland; these are
my particular friends.
Sir LUCIUS
What, sir, did you not come here to fight Mr. Acres?
FAULKLAND
Not I, upon my word, sir.
Sir LUCIUS
Well, now, that's mighty provoking! But I hope, Mr. Faulkland, as there
are three of us come on purpose for the game, you won't be so
cantanckerous as to spoil the party by sitting out.
ABSOLUTE
O pray, Faulkland, fight to oblige Sir Lucius.
FAULKLAND
Nay, if Mr. Acres is so bent on the matter----
ACRES
No, no, Mr. Faulkland;--I'll bear my disappointment like a
Christian.--Look'ee, Sir Lucius, there's no occasion at all for me to
fight; and if it is the same to you, I'd as lieve let it alone.
Sir LUCIUS
Observe me, Mr. Acres--I must not be trifled with. You have certainly
challenged somebody--and you came here to fight him. Now, if that
gentleman is willing to represent him--I can't see, for my soul, why it
isn't just the same thing.
ACRES
Why no--Sir Lucius--I tell you, 'tis one Beverley I've challenged--a
fellow, you see, that dare not show his face!--if he were here, I'd
make him give up his pretensions directly!
ABSOLUTE
Hold, Bob--let me set you right--there is no such man as Beverley in
the case.--The person who assumed that name is before you; and as his
pretensions are the same in both characters, he is ready to support
them in whatever way you please.
Sir LUCIUS
Well, this is lucky.--Now you have an opportunity----
ACRES
What, quarrel with my dear friend Jack Absolute?--not if he were fifty
Beverleys! Zounds! Sir Lucius, you would not have me so unnatural.
Sir LUCIUS
Upon my conscience, Mr. Acres, your valour has oozed away with a
vengeance!
ACRES
Not in the least! Odds backs and abettors! I'll be your second with all
my heart--and if you should get a quietus, you may command me entirely.
I'll get you snug lying in the Abbey here; or pickle you, and send you
over to Blunderbuss-hall, or anything of the kind, with the greatest
pleasure.
Sir LUCIUS
Pho! pho! you are little better than a coward.
ACRES
Mind, gentlemen, he calls me a coward; coward was the word, by my
valour!
Sir LUCIUS
Well, sir?
ACRES