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comet, with a tail of dust all the way as long as the Mall.
ABSOLUTE
Ah! Bob, you are indeed an eccentric planet, but we know your
attraction hither.--Give me leave to introduce Mr. Faulkland to you; Mr.
Faulkland, Mr. Acres.
ACRES
Sir, I am most heartily glad to see you: sir, I solicit your
connections.--Hey, Jack--what, this is Mr. Faulkland, who----
ABSOLUTE
Ay, Bob, Miss Melville's Mr. Faulkland.
ACRES
Odso! she and your father can be but just arrived before me:--I suppose
you have seen them. Ah! Mr. Faulkland, you are indeed a happy man.
FAULKLAND
I have not seen Miss Melville yet, sir;--I hope she enjoyed full health
and spirits in Devonshire?
ACRES
Never knew her better in my life, sir,--never better. Odds blushes and
blooms! she has been as healthy as the German Spa.
FAULKLAND
Indeed! I did hear that she had been a little indisposed.
ACRES
False, false, sir--only said to vex you: quite the reverse, I assure
you.
FAULKLAND
There, Jack, you see she has the advantage of me; I had almost fretted
myself ill.
ABSOLUTE
Now are you angry with your mistress for not having been sick?
FAULKLAND
No, no, you misunderstand me: yet surely a little trifling
indisposition is not an unnatural consequence of absence from those we
love.--Now confess--isn't there something unkind in this violent,
robust, unfeeling health?
ABSOLUTE
Oh, it was very unkind of her to be well in your absence, to be sure!
ACRES
Good apartments, Jack.
FAULKLAND
Well, sir, but you was saying that Miss Melville has been so
exceedingly well--what then she has been merry and gay, I
suppose?--Always in spirits--hey?
ACRES
Merry, odds crickets! she has been the belle and spirit of the company
wherever she has been--so lively and entertaining! so full of wit and
humour!
FAULKLAND
There, Jack, there.--Oh, by my soul! there is an innate levity in
woman, that nothing can overcome.--What! happy, and I away!
ABSOLUTE
Have done.--How foolish this is! just now you were only apprehensive
for your mistress' spirits.
FAULKLAND
Why, Jack, have I been the joy and spirit of the company?
ABSOLUTE
No, indeed, you have not.
FAULKLAND
Have I been lively and entertaining?
ABSOLUTE
Oh, upon my word, I acquit you.
FAULKLAND
Have I been full of wit and humour?
ABSOLUTE
No, faith, to do you justice, you have been confoundedly stupid indeed.
ACRES
What's the matter with the gentleman?
ABSOLUTE
He is only expressing his great satisfaction at hearing that Julia has
been so well and happy--that's all--hey, Faulkland?
FAULKLAND
Oh! I am rejoiced to hear it--yes, yes, she has a happy disposition!
ACRES
That she has indeed--then she is so accomplished--so sweet a voice--so