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Oh, no, sir--no--no--not a syllable, upon my veracity!--He was, indeed,
a little inquisitive; but I was sly, sir--devilish sly! My master (said
I), honest Thomas (you know, sir, one says honest to one's inferiors,)
is come to Bath to recruit--Yes, sir, I said to recruit--and whether
for men, money, or constitution, you know, sir, is nothing to him, nor
any one else.
ABSOLUTE
Well, recruit will do--let it be so.
FAG
Oh, sir, recruit will do surprisingly--indeed, to give the thing an
air, I told Thomas, that your honour had already enlisted five
disbanded chairmen, seven minority waiters, and thirteen
billiard-markers.
ABSOLUTE
You blockhead, never say more than is necessary.
FAG
I beg pardon, sir--I beg pardon--but, with submission, a lie is nothing
unless one supports it. Sir, whenever I draw on my invention for a good
current lie, I always forge indorsements as well as the bill.
ABSOLUTE
Well, take care you don't hurt your credit, by offering too much
security.--Is Mr. Faulkland returned?
FAG
He is above, sir, changing his dress.
ABSOLUTE
Can you tell whether he has been informed of Sir Anthony and Miss
Melville's arrival?
FAG
I fancy not, sir; he has seen no one since he came in but his
gentleman, who was with him at Bristol.--I think, sir, I hear Mr.
Faulkland coming down----
ABSOLUTE
Go, tell him I am here.
FAG
Yes, sir.--[Going.] I beg pardon, sir, but should Sir Anthony call, you
will do me the favour to remember that we are recruiting, if you
please.
ABSOLUTE
Well, well.
FAG
And, in tenderness to my character, if your honour could bring in the
chairmen and waiters, I should esteem it as an obligation; for though I
never scruple a lie to serve my master, yet it hurts one's conscience
to be found out. [Exit.]
ABSOLUTE
Now for my whimsical friend--if he does not know that his mistress is
here, I'll tease him a little before I tell him----
[Enter FAULKLAND.]
Faulkland, you're welcome to Bath again; you are punctual in your
return.
FAULKLAND
Yes; I had nothing to detain me, when I had finished the business I
went on. Well, what news since I left you? how stand matters between
you and Lydia?
ABSOLUTE
Faith, much as they were; I have not seen her since our quarrel;
however, I expect to be recalled every hour.
FAULKLAND
Why don't you persuade her to go off with you at once?
ABSOLUTE
What, and lose two-thirds of her fortune? you forget that, my
friend.--No, no, I could have brought her to that long ago.
FAULKLAND
Nay then, you trifle too long--if you are sure of her, propose to the
aunt in your own character, and write to Sir Anthony for his consent.
ABSOLUTE
Softly, softly; for though I am convinced my little Lydia would elope
with me as Ensign Beverley, yet am I by no means certain that she would
take me with the impediment of our friends' consent, a regular humdrum
wedding, and the reversion of a good fortune on my side: no, no; I must
prepare her gradually for the discovery, and make myself necessary to
her, before I risk it.--Well, but Faulkland, you'll dine with us to-day
at the hotel?
FAULKLAND
Indeed I cannot; I am not in spirits to be of such a party.
ABSOLUTE
By heavens! I shall forswear your company. You are the most teasing,