id
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|---|---|---|
7,700 |
"Oh, it's Payton." \n\n"Well shit, lady!"
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|
7,701 |
*I'm not drunk, I'm speaking in cursive.*
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|
7,702 |
This girl understands economics
|
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|
7,703 |
This could be bioluminescent phytoplankton brought about due to the wake of your ship. Or Cthulhu.
|
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|
7,704 |
:-(\n\nNow, your joke's complete.
|
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7,705 |
I actually burst out laughing. I'm imagining Chris Brown on a laptop and then reading that comment and slamming the laptop shut and shoving it away.
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|
7,706 |
http://i.imgur.com/7gNZW.png
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|
7,707 |
give me the formuoli
|
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|
7,708 |
The current geico marketing team are fucking wizards. They have like 5 running characters right now, their commercials are the most quoted, and they even have self-referencing commercials when one gimmick becomes big enough.
|
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|
7,709 |
I've done the same! Instead of 8, I'd create 7 and my 8th person of the houes would be the landlord, a fat, pug-nosed cholo that I named Juan To-bang-me. All the girls would be insanely in love with Juan and fight each other for him.\n\nEventually Juan died in a fire caused by the oven because all he did was yell at it.
|
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|
7,710 |
OP, don't be a statistic. \n\nhttp://i.imgur.com/IdCRd2H.png
|
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|
7,711 |
Asian person here. I can't identify myself in a kindergarten class picture. I am only able to narrow it down to 3 possibilities.
|
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|
7,712 |
"Ok, right, now that's a game misconduct....AND AN ASS KICKIN AHHBLARGHHPEWPEWBLAHHHH"
|
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|
7,713 |
Columbus was an idiot. He decided, all on his own, that the formulas were wrong and the world was smaller than the math said it was. So he decided that he could get the East Indies by going west and that's exactly what he did.\n\nBy all rights, Columbus should have *died*.
|
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|
7,714 |
Whenever I see a white person in my neighborhood I assume they're either a social worker of some kind or an undercover cop.
|
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|
7,715 |
You are so disgustingly raided and shot for your bacta at the word 'go'.
|
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|
7,716 |
Maybe you should stop typing then :O
|
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|
7,717 |
>some virgin redditor\n\nThe joke writes itself.
|
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|
7,718 |
top 10 hospital in the country. not concerned =)
|
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}
|
7,719 |
Missed an opportunity there... He said it without batting an eye.
|
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}
|
7,720 |
I love how Alien Blue still gave me the option to click something
|
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|
7,721 |
Heaven: kerbal space program being played by a competent player\n\nHell: kerbal space program played by me
|
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|
7,722 |
My sister thought that Canada was a communist country up until I corrected her.\n\nShe was 28. We're Canadian.
|
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|
7,723 |
>Japanese fighting fish \n\nIt would sound more like this "あなたがfuckinのいくつかのあなたは「脚の長いやつをfuckinの欲しい！私はクソ屋があるでしょう"
|
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|
7,724 |
>...so I turned away to hide it. On the way off the subway, she stopped in front of me...\n\n...I could feel the spaghetti starting to fall out of my pockets...
|
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|
7,725 |
A former celebrity child star wanted to rub his .... on my arm. I was fully clothed. He picked me in the line up for having the hairiest arms. I'm not even hairy..
|
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|
7,726 |
... How the fuck did you guess that.
|
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|
7,727 |
Compared to FIFA, the IOC is a shining beacon on the hill.
|
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|
7,728 |
>Why have you stopped texting me cat facts? I thought we had something special.
|
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|
7,729 |
you mean...a device that performs a useful function, but...*doesn't ever need batteries or coal, or any oil-based fuel?*\n\nWhat manner of sorcery is this? you should patent this because this is a game changer that will revolutionize the future!!
|
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|
7,730 |
"Press 'F' to pay respects" shows up in the latest Call of Duty, Advanced Warfare. It is now a dank meme.
|
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|
7,731 |
I had to leave New York to head to Miami with 11 dollars in my pocket and start knocking on doors.
|
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|
7,732 |
I always bring the dick.
|
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|
7,733 |
I thought you said baby.. \n\n"Honey wheres the baby?"\n\n"Fuck if I know, but this ice cream tastes weird!"
|
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|
7,734 |
By my calculations, that's also when you looked your best
|
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|
7,735 |
I live in Alaska. Last winter my house reformed wrong and I had to walk a mile to go to the bathroom.
|
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}
|
7,736 |
Yeah we don't talk about that here, okay?
|
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|
7,737 |
Good one, Rogue. I thought Professor X made it very clear that a blowjob from you could kill a guy.
|
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|
7,738 |
.-"""".._'. _,##\n _..__ |.-"""-.| | _,##'`-._\n (_____)||_____|| |_,##'`-._,##'`\n _| |.;-""-. | |#'`-._,##'`\n _.;_ `--' `\ \ |.'`\._,##'`\n /.-.\ `\ |.-";.`_, |##'`\n |\__/ | _..;__ |'-' /\n '.____.'_.-`)\--' /'-'`\n //||\\(_.-'_,'-'`\n (`-...-')_,##'`\n_,##`-..,-;##` \n,##'`-.,##'`\n,##'-.,##' -._,##' GET THE FUCK ON THE IRL KARMA TRAIN
|
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|
7,739 |
Rodents have no gag reflex you say...........
|
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|
7,740 |
What if you were to sneak around the house carefully placing ear muffs on everyone's head like some sort of sexual grinch?
|
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|
7,741 |
I think a one bedroom apartment with 2 beds is called a dorm.
|
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|
7,742 |
> Rail Industry\n\nheh
|
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|
7,743 |
> roaming free, like motherfucking bison.\n\nI can't even explain why this was hysterical to me.
|
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|
7,744 |
Belly button piercing? Damn, won't that hurt?
|
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|
7,745 |
I just thought they were twins lol
|
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|
7,746 |
Sure thing. Do you like cats?
|
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|
7,747 |
How ironic. The only guy who hadn't seen her naked...
|
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|
7,748 |
That's the version you told your wife, tell us the real version
|
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|
7,749 |
what's a small violin got to do with watching porn?
|
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|
7,750 |
HE WENT TO FUCKING DISNEYWORLD?
|
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|
7,751 |
>It's not like we're pooping all over ourselves while we shower. \n\nSpeak for yourself.
|
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|
7,752 |
Don't forget reduced support cost due to the fact that there would be fewer people on older versions. \n \nThat shit aint trivial
|
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|
7,753 |
My girlfriend is a doctor and constantly pushes my veins around with her fingers and talks about how she wants to stick needles in them. You healthcare people are fuckin weird.
|
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|
7,754 |
I preferred "Only 1 out of 10 girls can suck my dick".\n It worked every time.
|
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|
7,755 |
Hey man. I wrote this comic! You can see it [here](http://www.cheerupemokid.net/comic/2010/02/01/dog-part-1) (it's split up into ten parts). \n\n*Edit: I'm kind of sad looking at the picture now and noticing that the url and even the "by me" text was removed. What's the purpose of that?
|
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|
7,756 |
I initially thought you meant the failing book store 'Borders'.
|
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|
7,757 |
Wow. I mean the reasoning is there. After all chocolate milk comes from Brown cows.
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|
7,758 |
Oh, and a lot of us were on drugs frequently. A buddy of mine took mushrooms before his shift and I had to drag him away from the flashing lights at the skee ball game and send him home. He was tripping balls, man.
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|
7,759 |
The Iraqis must be very rich if they can afford to use bombs instead of alarm clocks.
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|
7,760 |
Of course not. That's racism, and racism is a crime. And crime is for black people.
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|
7,761 |
If this is true, you probably win this. Also, happy cake day...\n\nedit: thanks for gold
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|
7,762 |
ive been saying that before it was cool.
|
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|
7,763 |
and post it on Reddit afterward. please.
|
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|
7,764 |
I hate to break this to you, but Kenny Kravitz slept with your girlfriend.
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|
7,765 |
You know what? After my surgery, I have a glass lens that was put in my eye, I now have the same color eyes!
|
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|
7,766 |
That's a terrible reason to feel bad about bullying someone.
|
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|
7,767 |
Mark her arm! It's the only way to be sure!
|
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|
7,768 |
Definitely sounds like something a New Yorker would say.
|
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|
7,769 |
I once suggested to my little brother that he pluck his unibrow. He was about 12 or 13 at the time. The next day I'm getting yelled at because he plucked them back so far that there was only half a brow on each side.
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|
7,770 |
I double-clicked upvote for you.
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|
7,771 |
My wife simply refers to that as "bitch hair".
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|
7,772 |
I've heard "if Mexicans think in English, why do they bother translating it into Spanish when they speak?" That was back in my 9th grade Spanish class. Some people...
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|
7,773 |
>For people trying to lecture us about the nature of community you can sure be petty, smug, and condescending assholes.\n\nNow you're getting the hang of it.
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|
7,774 |
You sound like the world's worst Husband/Dad.
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|
7,775 |
And the size of a 6 month old baby.
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|
7,776 |
I don't think so. We'll just crush them again when I repost this question next Friday.
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|
7,777 |
I really was. In my defense, I was 19. I'm 31 now...I got better.
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|
7,778 |
I learned something.\n\nI learned Obama's anniversary is on the 3rd of October.
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|
7,779 |
Annnddd now I'm gonna say that every time him being a cop fucks up my chances of hooking up.
|
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|
7,780 |
I was raised as a Southern Texas Gentleman. The rule is that you never hit a lady, and having female parts does not make you a lady.
|
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|
7,781 |
Oh god. As a microbiologist, this is horrifying.
|
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|
7,782 |
Seriously, he should just shut up and eat the candy.
|
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|
7,783 |
Does this Friday work for everybody?
|
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|
7,784 |
I came here expecting torrents of celebrities, and found floods of emotion instead.
|
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|
7,785 |
It's okay, I don't actually have it :'( Just saw the opportunity for a funny joke
|
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|
7,786 |
This is a big gno gno.
|
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|
7,787 |
Duck-sized horses, **FOR SURE**.
|
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}
|
7,788 |
Give her NOTHING. It makes a bolder statement.
|
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"flagged": false
}
|
7,789 |
When I was a kid, a perceptive classmate explained as "It's probably like how you can't see what's behind you."
|
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}
|
7,790 |
Was it more mean before?
|
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}
|
7,791 |
Maybe she didn't know he had a girlfriend.
|
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}
|
7,792 |
I don't like your comment.
|
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}
|
7,793 |
Pro tip: Staying in a building during an earthquake is a great way to be killed by falling building
|
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}
|
7,794 |
BUT ON THIS DAY OP WILL NOT THINK WITH HIS PENIS!\n\nWE'RE ALL PROUD OF YOU OP.
|
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}
|
7,795 |
"He has a lower libido than I do, so, not so great."
|
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"self-harm": 0.00010618313535815105,
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"hate/threatening": 3.826924910299567e-8,
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"self-harm/instructions": 0.0000011347648296577972,
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}
|
7,796 |
The kid is an innovator.
|
{
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}
|
7,797 |
Just how I like my women.
|
{
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},
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}
|
7,798 |
Yes, that was my original fuck up. Usually, I don't ever go to anyone's house. Lesson learned - it could have been worse.
|
{
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"hate/threatening": 2.847039581865829e-8,
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"self-harm/instructions": 4.910052098239248e-7,
"harassment/threatening": 0.00014565783203579485
},
"flagged": false
}
|
7,799 |
I came here to laugh, not eat a bowl of Honey Nut Feelios.
|
{
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"violence": false,
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"sexual/minors": false,
"hate/threatening": false,
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},
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"harassment": 0.02314598672091961,
"harassment_threatening": 0.00006972453411435708,
"hate": 0.0006240615621209145,
"hate_threatening": 2.532445897429625e-8,
"self_harm": 0.00006602500070584938,
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"sexual_minors": 4.177488506229565e-7,
"violence": 0.00020695298735518008,
"violence_graphic": 0.0004478967748582363,
"self-harm": 0.00006602500070584938,
"sexual/minors": 4.177488506229565e-7,
"hate/threatening": 2.532445897429625e-8,
"violence/graphic": 0.0004478967748582363,
"self-harm/intent": 0.000010704877240641508,
"self-harm/instructions": 0.0000059045823945780285,
"harassment/threatening": 0.00006972453411435708
},
"flagged": false
}
|
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