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7,800 |
http://imgur.com/dCvZU
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7,801 |
MURICA, YEAH! CAPITALISM WINS AGAIN!
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7,802 |
That is a good best friend right there. That's a tough topic to launch.
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7,803 |
I was reading through this thread thinking "man, I don't think I'm in the top 1% of anything..." but after reading your post I remembered I survived a rare cancer which was at an advanced stage as well! Cancer Bros o/
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7,804 |
Dump Toilet Paper over and then reflush.\n\nSource: Pube flushing
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7,805 |
I bothered checking it... it would be a little under $3,000,000 today\n\nEDIT: inaft3r /r/theybeatthehorse
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7,806 |
He knows, man. He knows.
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7,807 |
And she was five! My sis is still my best friend, too.
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7,808 |
The hidden part of the joke is that engineers are good at math, but bad at jokes.\n\nedit: come on it wasn't that funny.
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7,809 |
Everything is just more awsome when you're attractive. Pick the face for you :) :(
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7,810 |
That's weird. Usually when I'm incredibly in to a girl, I'm the one that can't get out fast enough. That's how I became a father. \n\n#dadjokes\n\nEdit: thank you so much to whoever gave me gold. I finally feel like a worthwhile redditor.
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7,811 |
i actually think that would kill you
|
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7,812 |
wrists... tired... http://i.imgur.com/amXa8.jpg
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7,813 |
We were married 29 years. She passed from breast cancer in 2007. We were more in love at the end than the beginning. It was a very exceptional romance.
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"harassment/threatening": 3.9433629694940464e-7
},
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}
|
7,814 |
It means crowd control, There's hard CC and soft CC, and they include things like stuns, snares, roots, polymorphs, fear, slow, silence,knockback, and more.
|
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}
|
7,815 |
SO THIS IS WHY I GOT SERVER TRAFFIC ERRORS EARLIER.
|
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|
7,816 |
At least no one dies in this one.
|
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}
|
7,817 |
"12 year old pussy" - Your son
|
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|
7,818 |
That's 90% of romantic teen movies of the 90s right there. Throw in the cool guy noticing how "unique" she is and you got yourself a hit
|
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}
|
7,819 |
Yes. It's as though we have forgotten fundamental founding principles of the Nation. Every American should read the Constitution at least once per year. it will help us all to keep politicians honest.
|
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}
|
7,820 |
If Oklahomans spoke a different language, had a totally different culture and your money didn't work there, sure.
|
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}
|
7,821 |
...all I can think of is some bizarre sexual thing. Are you a woman?
|
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}
|
7,822 |
Can I speak to champ?\n\nWho?\n\nChamp?\n\nWho?\n\nIs Champ there?\n\nWho's "champ"?\n\nTHAT QUESTION WILL BE ANSWERED THIS SUNDAY NIGHT AT WWE SUUUUPEEEERRRR SLAAAAAAAM\n\n
|
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"flagged": false
}
|
7,823 |
No she said she put the hotdog in her pussy, not his.
|
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"flagged": true
}
|
7,824 |
"Hmm lemme check out your....OOPS, heh sorry I just sex'd you."
|
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}
|
7,825 |
twist ending: his wifes baby is black.
|
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"flagged": false
}
|
7,826 |
Are you sure? Maybe you just don't have the required clearance level to know how it works.\n
|
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"flagged": false
}
|
7,827 |
Keepin it in the family ;)
|
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|
7,828 |
The Jedi felt that familiar connections were a distraction.\n\nThe weight on your conscience of letting your mom get raped and murdered by animals, perhaps less of a potential distraction.
|
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|
7,829 |
JB: Our music is basically like a vagina to your ears. That explains the pleasure and the boners. Crank it, for full release.
|
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|
7,830 |
I don't make a lot of money it's all I could afford.
|
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|
7,831 |
How in the hell did she know your name was Leo?
|
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|
7,832 |
That's why I save excess saliva in big gallon jars in the laundry room.
|
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|
7,833 |
I think he just got a blowjob from your wife.
|
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|
7,834 |
I'd prefer Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix, because she would certainly be the filthier one under the sheets -- she'd be all like **"Put a mug of butterbeer in my ass!** ***FURTHER! FURTHER!"*** while casting spells and blowing up chandeliers with her wand, whereas Hermione would only have quiet sex in the missionary position.
|
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}
|
7,835 |
I would just skip class then since it's my brother that's getting in trouble for it.
|
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}
|
7,836 |
That's the best idea I've heard in a while
|
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|
7,837 |
I was checked out by a military psych when I got out and I was given the all clear, but I have my moments. I usually only get flashbacks a couple of times a day now, whereas it used to two or three times a minute
|
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|
7,838 |
But not him apparently.
|
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|
7,839 |
Once we get time travel I doubt anything is then relative :p
|
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|
7,840 |
WE DON'T NEGOTIATE WITH BEARORISTS.
|
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|
7,841 |
Or Dublin, Ohio. \n\nOr London, Ohio.\n\nSource: I live in Ohio.
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|
7,842 |
That is true. It's common knowledge that Alaska is made entirely of ice. That's why so few people live there, Alaska melts during the summer.
|
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|
7,843 |
Let's not get crazy here.
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|
7,844 |
Indeed it was a motherfucking toy.
|
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|
7,845 |
In fairness, I think that author deserves payment. Edit: it has been pointed out that the original author of WinRAR is deceased (which, according to comments, makes me pretty fly for a dead guy). I too am a big fan of 7-Zip, which is great unless you want to CREATE a RAR file. Nevertheless I also paid for WinZip, because AES.
|
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|
7,846 |
> I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances\n> all you do is say what the shit does, and add "er"\n\nSo, a Kitchen Appliance Namer?
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|
7,847 |
Damn, you missed out on double teriyaki chicken!
|
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|
7,848 |
Wow, a real life wizard!\n\nThat said, it's not like I'm getting any, but I have a bit of time at least :/
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|
7,849 |
holy shit this guy is good
|
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|
7,850 |
It's on school property so they can search everything and call it an inspection.
|
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|
7,851 |
I am in the first grade, but when I grow up, I want to be a teacher.
|
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|
7,852 |
ಠ\_ಠ
|
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|
7,853 |
At least we're polite! We're like the Canada of the South!\n\nSorry that happened to your boss. Come back any time for sweet tea and folksy racism!
|
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|
7,854 |
Well that probably wasn't a good idea
|
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|
7,855 |
http://i.imgur.com/W9Ma7.jpg
|
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|
7,856 |
"I am gonna suck your ass, and there's nothing you can do to stop me"
|
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|
7,857 |
OK in that case try not to rape him, or you'll probably blow it
|
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|
7,858 |
http://media.giphy.com/media/eGsBGj0PisO3u/giphy.gif
|
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|
7,859 |
Thank God there was none of that.
|
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|
7,860 |
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?\n\nIt got hit by a refrigerator.
|
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|
7,861 |
Honestly I've started just putting on the captions when I watch TV a lot of the time and it helps a lot, you suddenly don't miss anything! I know some people don't like it because it kills the immersion or whatever but if you haven't tried it I recommend it, that way it can still be quiet but you can track what the hell is happening.
|
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|
7,862 |
I guess I don't get all the hate OU is getting. One frat does something disgusting, they take immediate action and disband the frat and will most likely suspend the students, yet people are mad at OU? doesnt make sense to me
|
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|
7,863 |
This seems like one of those friends Moms warn us about.
|
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|
7,864 |
The weird thing is Alex was just some random African Grey the researcher picked up at a pet store.\n\nAlso he would screw with the other parrots when they were learning or doing experiments, by yelling out wrong answers.
|
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|
7,865 |
When Vincent goes to shit, so does everything else.
|
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|
7,866 |
NIGGA,\n\nWHAT\n\nTHE\n\nFUCK!\n\nWHAT\n\nTHE\n\nFUCK\n\nNIGGA?!\n\nFUCK
|
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|
7,867 |
What the fuck. I'm seriously...holy shit. \n\nReally?? \n\nNot even trolling. Really? I thought it was actually Santa....
|
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|
7,868 |
Wow, I wasn't aware you could join the military without an ID. Though I guess you could a while back?
|
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|
7,869 |
Part of why people are telling this is a simple missunderstanding from germans how to read swiss school reports. Atleast that is mentioned this way in the bern einstein museum.\n\nThe point is that in germany a 1 is the best and a 6 is the worst. In Switzerland it is the other way around. When i remember right he had all 5 & 6 and probably 1 4.
|
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|
7,870 |
Trucks filled with chickens on the other hand...
|
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|
7,871 |
Grounds for a lawsuit if I ever did see one.
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|
7,872 |
That was the last thing I was expecting to read. My boobs retracted so hard, I lost a cup size.
|
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|
7,873 |
I already tweeted it [AND THEY RESPONDED!](http://i.imgur.com/r50LK.png)
|
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|
7,874 |
I guess you could say he had\n\n( •_•)\n\n( •_•)>⌐■-■\n\n(⌐■_■)\n\nno I deer.
|
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|
7,875 |
And I'm here for the incest
|
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|
7,876 |
Who gives a fuck this brave old man risked his life to stand on the fuckign moon. He can punch whoever he wants for as many years as he has left on this earth.
|
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|
7,877 |
>"Use your fucking turn signals correctly and appropriately. Also, fuck Comcast".\n\nftfy.
|
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|
7,878 |
Cameras should not be that powerful...
|
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|
7,879 |
This one's going to happen. I'll post a screenshot next time I get one of these texts, but it may be a few days, since it's not an every day thing.\n\nI'll send another reply so you can look at it.
|
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|
7,880 |
I'm loving the idea that the president was sitting around frustrated by the 503s like any other redditor. Would have been even funnier if it resulted in a double post...
|
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|
7,881 |
Check his username for what he really likes.
|
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|
7,882 |
You may just be the #1 bro. \n\nEver.
|
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|
7,883 |
In case my husband ever reads this, I'm a fan of your dick.\n\nEdit: now I'm just tempted to show him the thread.
|
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|
7,884 |
Where is it? Our inerventional radiology department can get pretty much any brain aneurysm under control with coiling. Seriously, seek a second opinion. Unless it's embedded in your basal ganglia or an AVM or something, they should be able to coil it for you.
|
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|
7,885 |
QUICK, EVERYONE, JUMP ON THE COUCH
|
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|
7,886 |
Growing up in the 1890s must have been stressful.
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|
7,887 |
You don't rob a *a fucking gun store*
|
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|
7,888 |
Vince was filming a movie in Budapest a while back and eating at the same place I was on Liszt Ferenc Ter. I've never been so aghast in my life than watching him pull bits of bread off to throw at his waitress to get her attention. An absolute cunt.
|
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|
7,889 |
My husband has a whole crew of lesbians.
|
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|
7,890 |
I feel like reading askreddit threads might save my life one day
|
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|
7,891 |
>Jersey shore\n\nAs an American, I'm sorry.
|
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|
7,892 |
This man has balls. I like balls.
|
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|
7,893 |
TIL every member of the human race is female
|
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|
7,894 |
It'll next be seen on American Pickers 50 years from now.\nIt's going to somehow end up in some hillbilly's barn in the middle of Iowa.
|
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|
7,895 |
Man, siblings buy each other laptops now? We just usually spend about £20 :-/
|
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"sexual_minors": 0.000045268781832419336,
"violence": 0.0003633954911492765,
"violence_graphic": 0.00006496463902294636,
"self-harm": 0.000018499100406188518,
"sexual/minors": 0.000045268781832419336,
"hate/threatening": 3.470348417522473e-7,
"violence/graphic": 0.00006496463902294636,
"self-harm/intent": 0.0001232736831298098,
"self-harm/instructions": 0.0006834134692326188,
"harassment/threatening": 0.000009398525435244665
},
"flagged": false
}
|
7,896 |
I go to Costco for the samples and wind up spending at minimum $150. Then I have to tetris my freezer to fit everything in.
|
{
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},
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"harassment": 0.00043913075933232903,
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"hate_threatening": 1.3279055632864356e-9,
"self_harm": 0.000057123168517136946,
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"violence_graphic": 0.0000652666058158502,
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"sexual/minors": 0.0000016416188373113982,
"hate/threatening": 1.3279055632864356e-9,
"violence/graphic": 0.0000652666058158502,
"self-harm/intent": 0.00004316127160564065,
"self-harm/instructions": 1.9357075586867722e-7,
"harassment/threatening": 0.0000035224584280513227
},
"flagged": false
}
|
7,897 |
She sent it to you on purpose, just to fuck with you.
|
{
"categories": {
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"hate": false,
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"sexual": false,
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"violence": false,
"violence_graphic": false,
"self-harm": false,
"sexual/minors": false,
"hate/threatening": false,
"violence/graphic": false,
"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.2340332418680191,
"harassment_threatening": 0.0011790437856689095,
"hate": 0.0016626494470983744,
"hate_threatening": 7.735026485988783e-8,
"self_harm": 2.0661954636125301e-7,
"self_harm_instructions": 2.6397842134429084e-8,
"self_harm_intent": 2.6859462209927187e-8,
"sexual": 0.0014681259635835886,
"sexual_minors": 0.0000011217315432077157,
"violence": 0.0036325540859252214,
"violence_graphic": 0.00001830200562835671,
"self-harm": 2.0661954636125301e-7,
"sexual/minors": 0.0000011217315432077157,
"hate/threatening": 7.735026485988783e-8,
"violence/graphic": 0.00001830200562835671,
"self-harm/intent": 2.6859462209927187e-8,
"self-harm/instructions": 2.6397842134429084e-8,
"harassment/threatening": 0.0011790437856689095
},
"flagged": false
}
|
7,898 |
or 16 with a partner that is at most three years older than her. NC laws, that is.
|
{
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"hate": false,
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"sexual": false,
"sexual_minors": false,
"violence": false,
"violence_graphic": false,
"self-harm": false,
"sexual/minors": false,
"hate/threatening": false,
"violence/graphic": false,
"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.002291749930009246,
"harassment_threatening": 0.000614641816355288,
"hate": 0.00007165498391259462,
"hate_threatening": 0.000011006052773154806,
"self_harm": 0.000050111219024984166,
"self_harm_instructions": 0.00042887922609224916,
"self_harm_intent": 0.0000721827891538851,
"sexual": 0.03477074205875397,
"sexual_minors": 0.07824403047561646,
"violence": 0.000676242052577436,
"violence_graphic": 0.00009662517550168559,
"self-harm": 0.000050111219024984166,
"sexual/minors": 0.07824403047561646,
"hate/threatening": 0.000011006052773154806,
"violence/graphic": 0.00009662517550168559,
"self-harm/intent": 0.0000721827891538851,
"self-harm/instructions": 0.00042887922609224916,
"harassment/threatening": 0.000614641816355288
},
"flagged": false
}
|
7,899 |
You're a good person and a good son. Don't ever regret anything you've done for your parents.
|
{
"categories": {
"harassment": false,
"harassment_threatening": false,
"hate": false,
"hate_threatening": false,
"self_harm": false,
"self_harm_instructions": false,
"self_harm_intent": false,
"sexual": false,
"sexual_minors": false,
"violence": false,
"violence_graphic": false,
"self-harm": false,
"sexual/minors": false,
"hate/threatening": false,
"violence/graphic": false,
"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.00013982714153826237,
"harassment_threatening": 0.0000016722702866900363,
"hate": 0.0000032581401683273725,
"hate_threatening": 1.0795305982469472e-8,
"self_harm": 0.0000010317992291675182,
"self_harm_instructions": 0.000007918795745354146,
"self_harm_intent": 0.000002148985913663637,
"sexual": 0.00007731004006927833,
"sexual_minors": 0.00005140415669302456,
"violence": 0.00008423265535384417,
"violence_graphic": 2.437365651530854e-7,
"self-harm": 0.0000010317992291675182,
"sexual/minors": 0.00005140415669302456,
"hate/threatening": 1.0795305982469472e-8,
"violence/graphic": 2.437365651530854e-7,
"self-harm/intent": 0.000002148985913663637,
"self-harm/instructions": 0.000007918795745354146,
"harassment/threatening": 0.0000016722702866900363
},
"flagged": false
}
|
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