id
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|---|---|---|
8,000 |
It's not. I do it too. And I love it.
|
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|
8,001 |
tyrannosaurus**REKT**
|
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|
8,002 |
http://imgur.com/gMxqj
|
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|
8,003 |
He must buy weed pretty often.
|
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|
8,004 |
Howard cannot get to the controls of the Rover
|
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|
8,005 |
You wanna know if I'm a reposter.
|
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|
8,006 |
> gauge\n\nNicely done.
|
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|
8,007 |
I held the *fuck* out of her hand for like 5 straight minutes.
|
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|
8,008 |
I paid 400Rs to the policeman and he gave back the weed he got from us and told us to go smoke over there pointing to a spot
|
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|
8,009 |
1. Masturbate\n\n2. Eat\n\n3. Masturbate\n\n4. Get high\n\n5. Eat while masturbating\n\n6. Get sloppy drunk\n\n7. Try to masturbate\n\n8. Fall asleep with your dick in your hand\n\n9. Dial your ex's number on your phone, and hover your thumb over the "call" button before chickening out.\n\n10. Cry and masturbate
|
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|
8,010 |
No, that's how she becomes a Firetruck.
|
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|
8,011 |
It's funny. What others think is a hindrance to Hollywood has ALWAYS become someone's calling card. Barbara Streisand nose, Sly's Slur, Arnold's accent -- it's all about how you see yourself. I know there is only one ME. If you hire me- you GET ME. And there's only one. There will never be another.
|
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|
8,012 |
And if the turtle died then death would be interfering.
|
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|
8,013 |
So the same bitch has been kidnapped a shitload of times?
|
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|
8,014 |
I can't imagine being on the golf course seeing a plane crash, then you rush over to it to find out it's fuckin Harrison Ford.
|
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|
8,015 |
(I showed him a map)\n\nOh my gosh! Lets say hey to them.
|
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|
8,016 |
My balls are carried for me at all times by the thirteen contestants who lost to me on Jeopardy back in 2004 with a negative score, meaning they didn't get to compete in Final Jeopardy.\n\nThey take turns.
|
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|
8,017 |
That was the appropriate response. Good on you. \n\nObligatory edit: now my top comment is about how not to disturb people randomly having sex in public, I guess it's better than a comment about butt play.
|
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|
8,018 |
Still my best friend. Great guy. He was in a tough spot. This was years ago so we don't talk about her or the marriage anymore.
|
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|
8,019 |
Same day too. 2.12.1809\n\nEditing for everyone : \n\n* February 12, 1809\n \n* 12 February 1809\n\n* 12.2.1809 \n\n* month February, day twelve, year 1809\n\n**everyone happy now?**\n\n**editing for /u/eduardog3000 and /u/bulletAllergy **\n\n1809-02-12
|
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|
8,020 |
Plot twist: You actually fingered the twin sister.
|
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|
8,021 |
Picture that small town with a Kodak.
|
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|
8,022 |
**President declares national curfew, nation is furious, President doesn't respond.**\n\nedit-Thanks for the gold!^itmightwork\n\nedit- IT WORKED!
|
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|
8,023 |
I tip 30% on everything.
|
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|
8,024 |
I feel like I should trust you on this, but my grandpa told me to never trust a fart
|
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|
8,025 |
I don't usually upvote novelty accounts, but when I do, it's because they confused the fuck out of me for a good 15-20 seconds before I checked their name
|
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|
8,026 |
That's going **TOO FAR**!!
|
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|
8,027 |
The sad part is that he died young and didn't have time to change. Not every bully stays an asshole forever. Some people grow up and change
|
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|
8,028 |
Just kidding. Anything with Kirk Cameron.
|
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|
8,029 |
>**"He** has a nametag."
|
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|
8,030 |
See that's what would get me. All your friends that you loved so much growing up would suddenly become insufferable for like, a good decade and a bit. \n\nLike you'd be sitting up the back in kindergarten and your friend will come up to you being annoying and wanting to finger paint and you'll be all like "FUCK OFF TIMMY I'M TRYING TO READ BUSINESS DAY YOU LITTLE SHIT."
|
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|
8,031 |
I'm a young guy and I love that joke.\n\nI love all jokes.\n
|
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|
8,032 |
I can't believe more people didn't research this ridiculous hypothetical situation!
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|
8,033 |
We're doing **our** part, are _you_?
|
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|
8,034 |
So...\nHow many berets DO you have?
|
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|
8,035 |
Why cant you ask for money? Tell them to fix it or buy you a new TV. This isnt like the kid drew on furniture or broke an ash tray or something, this is a full on (from what im assuming) 42+inch tv we're talking here!
|
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|
8,036 |
I could always tell whenever someone had a crush on me by how vicious the "I GOT IT, MA" was.
|
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|
8,037 |
It looks like you guys aren't a-green with each other
|
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|
8,038 |
Herbs make fine names.\n\nSource: Am named after an herb\n\nEdit - my name is not Herbert or Mary Jane.
|
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|
8,039 |
Now, we live.\n\n**Edit:** Fuck all of you.
|
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|
8,040 |
Screw boxers, boxer briefs FTW.
|
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|
8,041 |
I love how they have no good response but "omg you creeper who let you in?" \n\n
|
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|
8,042 |
LEMON STEALING WHORE!!!
|
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|
8,043 |
The irony of this statement is so delicious I could sell it for $30 a plate.
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|
8,044 |
That sounded dangerously close to a complaint. The drunken Thais have been dispatched to your location.
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|
8,045 |
(Real comments have curves.)
|
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|
8,046 |
First they came for the E's, and I did not speak out— Because I was not an E.\n\nThn thy cam for th othr Vowls, and I did not spak out— Bcaus I was not a Vowl.\n\nThn thy cm fr th Cnsnnts, nd dd nt spk t— Bcs ws nt Cnsnnt.\n\nh h m m— h p m.\n\nEdit: tried to do this on mobile, fixed my errors. Thanks /u/ehrwien\n\nThnks fr gld knd strngr.
|
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|
8,047 |
I have heard many companies complaining about similar things happening when refusing to pay Yelp. Not a cool company.
|
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|
8,048 |
You mean you *don't* like it while I stare blankly at the ceiling with my arms by my sides...?
|
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|
8,049 |
If you don't appreciate a well-placed Wilhelm, joke's on you.
|
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|
8,050 |
I.... think you're both right.
|
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|
8,051 |
**Patch notes:** \n*Fixed an error where the achievement* ***This Is It*** *was wrongly awarded to some players.*\n\nImagine the consequences...\n\n
|
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|
8,052 |
http://cheezcomixed.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/2809-copy.jpg\n\nI have posted this a few times. Never has it been this much relevant.
|
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|
8,053 |
http://i.imgur.com/G3FPV.png
|
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|
8,054 |
Are we human or are we dancer? - Albert Einstein
|
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|
8,055 |
I think I can manage that.
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|
8,056 |
http://imgur.com/f3AJb
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|
8,057 |
Not to poke too much of a hole, but there *is* at least one cheerful entry on that list. US Airways Flight 1549. January 15, 2009. Ring any bells? That's the flight Captain Chelsey B. "Sully" Sullenberger piloted into the Hudson river. Sure it crashed, and they lost the plane, but everyone on the flight survived. \n\n[Link for the curious.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/US_Airways_Flight_1549)\n
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|
8,058 |
To distinguish between dinner time and being in trouble for something.
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|
8,059 |
This comment should be higher
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|
8,060 |
Well, I have seen some pretty fat lesbians.
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|
8,061 |
Better than .45s and thugs
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|
8,062 |
Did you have to puke on the floor? My cats pull that shit all the time.
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|
8,063 |
Because during the settlement of the plains, hunters from back east would kill entire herds of electricity, poaching the valuable amperage and leaving the voltage and Ohms to rot. This endangerment is why our electric bill is so high today.
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|
8,064 |
He should have been banned way earlier, the fact that you were forced to go into the back room when he came in meant your boss was letting a hostile work environment exist.
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|
8,065 |
Thank you. As refrigerator-kin, the previous explanation triggered me.
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|
8,066 |
What's the consensus on ass hair?
|
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|
8,067 |
Well tell our moms to stop putting it in the fucking fridge
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|
8,068 |
No stories really... She was just one of those people who was weird for the sake of being weird. Anyway, here she is.\n\nhttp://imgur.com/nFwFe\n\nEDIT: For the doubters.\nhttp://imgur.com/QC0Fo
|
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|
8,069 |
Electrician doesn't care - he's paid by the hour.
|
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|
8,070 |
/r/fia - Free Internet Act. We're working on it.
|
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|
8,071 |
My step-dad has one of the easiest forms of blood cancer to maintain. He overproduces red blood cells, and his blood looks black. When he first started taking pills for it, he felt a little off for a few weeks, and would tell my mom things like, "Can you get the remote? My cancer hurts."\n\nNow when he says "I have cancer," my mom says, "You have pussy cancer. Stop whining."
|
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|
8,072 |
Cut him open and count the rings!
|
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|
8,073 |
Not as expensive as a wife and kids.
|
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|
8,074 |
thank you for helping save Christmas.
|
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|
8,075 |
With an extended mag too. He's in for quite a bad time either way.
|
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|
8,076 |
"for the first time once" epic!
|
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|
8,077 |
Ttthhheee ddduuudddeee wwwaaasss fffuuulll ooofff ssshhhiiittt.
|
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|
8,078 |
Now empty yourself into the sock of democracy
|
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|
8,079 |
I'm picturing ripped future Milhouse where he's crying because it's hard to add mass to his calves
|
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|
8,080 |
There are no strings on her
|
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|
8,081 |
Shit. Fell outta my chair.
|
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|
8,082 |
12 year olds on Facebook.\n\nFTFY :)
|
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|
8,083 |
Better yet: these aren't memes. these are pictures with text.
|
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|
8,084 |
I imagine a lot of them are no longer with us.
|
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|
8,085 |
Yeah, people grossly underestimate their parents. Just because you were dumb as a kid doesn't mean they were dumb when you were a kid.
|
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}
|
8,086 |
Have you tried... asking?\n\nIt might just be that simple.
|
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|
8,087 |
I have a co-worker that does this regularly because he feels sorry for his dog for not having a girlfriend. Strange dude.
|
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|
8,088 |
shaved is a thinner form of sliced\n\n*why am i not surprised that this is my most upvoted comment?
|
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|
8,089 |
Absolutely despicable call.\n\nNever in a million years.
|
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|
8,090 |
My legs.. Are never, never, never... Getting back together.
|
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|
8,091 |
But it's always sunny right? RIGHT?!
|
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|
8,092 |
My kid is going to every Chuck E. Cheese
|
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|
8,093 |
Misaki-chan!!!! I..... *eto* ...I think....maybe.....you are.....\n\n**INTERRUPTED BY SOMETHING THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE DUE TO THE LAWS OF PHYSICS**
|
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|
8,094 |
I'm still not convinced.
|
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|
8,095 |
Get off reddit grad student. Grants don't write themselves.
|
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"sexual_minors": 8.114341767395672e-7,
"violence": 0.00010101254883920774,
"violence_graphic": 2.4266503828584973e-7,
"self-harm": 3.939686905596318e-7,
"sexual/minors": 8.114341767395672e-7,
"hate/threatening": 3.383915148091887e-9,
"violence/graphic": 2.4266503828584973e-7,
"self-harm/intent": 1.2262334792012552e-7,
"self-harm/instructions": 1.0911173831118504e-7,
"harassment/threatening": 0.00000326407416650909
},
"flagged": false
}
|
8,096 |
what do you do with a cock in your butt?
|
{
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"hate": false,
"hate_threatening": false,
"self_harm": false,
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"sexual": true,
"sexual_minors": false,
"violence": false,
"violence_graphic": false,
"self-harm": false,
"sexual/minors": false,
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"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.08666838705539703,
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"hate": 0.0010844918433576822,
"hate_threatening": 0.000014206691048457287,
"self_harm": 0.00004305615584598854,
"self_harm_instructions": 0.0000035654520615935326,
"self_harm_intent": 0.000014511918379866984,
"sexual": 0.685661256313324,
"sexual_minors": 0.002006546827033162,
"violence": 0.0002615748380776495,
"violence_graphic": 0.00014716348960064352,
"self-harm": 0.00004305615584598854,
"sexual/minors": 0.002006546827033162,
"hate/threatening": 0.000014206691048457287,
"violence/graphic": 0.00014716348960064352,
"self-harm/intent": 0.000014511918379866984,
"self-harm/instructions": 0.0000035654520615935326,
"harassment/threatening": 0.000005866695573786274
},
"flagged": true
}
|
8,097 |
Plot twist: steal jewels, you go blind
|
{
"categories": {
"harassment": false,
"harassment_threatening": false,
"hate": false,
"hate_threatening": false,
"self_harm": false,
"self_harm_instructions": false,
"self_harm_intent": false,
"sexual": false,
"sexual_minors": false,
"violence": false,
"violence_graphic": false,
"self-harm": false,
"sexual/minors": false,
"hate/threatening": false,
"violence/graphic": false,
"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.00463848514482379,
"harassment_threatening": 0.0007867443491704762,
"hate": 0.00048689896357245743,
"hate_threatening": 0.000002291343207616592,
"self_harm": 0.000007401899893011432,
"self_harm_instructions": 7.605639780194906e-7,
"self_harm_intent": 0.000003374235120645608,
"sexual": 0.000044889107812196016,
"sexual_minors": 0.0000014460072179645067,
"violence": 0.013139541260898113,
"violence_graphic": 0.0007988258730620146,
"self-harm": 0.000007401899893011432,
"sexual/minors": 0.0000014460072179645067,
"hate/threatening": 0.000002291343207616592,
"violence/graphic": 0.0007988258730620146,
"self-harm/intent": 0.000003374235120645608,
"self-harm/instructions": 7.605639780194906e-7,
"harassment/threatening": 0.0007867443491704762
},
"flagged": false
}
|
8,098 |
TIL Black girls have big asses because scary black men scream at them.
|
{
"categories": {
"harassment": true,
"harassment_threatening": false,
"hate": true,
"hate_threatening": false,
"self_harm": false,
"self_harm_instructions": false,
"self_harm_intent": false,
"sexual": false,
"sexual_minors": false,
"violence": false,
"violence_graphic": false,
"self-harm": false,
"sexual/minors": false,
"hate/threatening": false,
"violence/graphic": false,
"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.9998238682746887,
"harassment_threatening": 0.0014700153842568398,
"hate": 0.9823306798934937,
"hate_threatening": 0.00000964619994192617,
"self_harm": 0.00014341541100293398,
"self_harm_instructions": 0.0000020667800981755136,
"self_harm_intent": 0.000006098523044784088,
"sexual": 0.016248205676674843,
"sexual_minors": 0.000017111799024860375,
"violence": 0.018390903249382973,
"violence_graphic": 0.000012082286048098467,
"self-harm": 0.00014341541100293398,
"sexual/minors": 0.000017111799024860375,
"hate/threatening": 0.00000964619994192617,
"violence/graphic": 0.000012082286048098467,
"self-harm/intent": 0.000006098523044784088,
"self-harm/instructions": 0.0000020667800981755136,
"harassment/threatening": 0.0014700153842568398
},
"flagged": true
}
|
8,099 |
I would say its more like the original Official Rosetta Stone®
|
{
"categories": {
"harassment": false,
"harassment_threatening": false,
"hate": false,
"hate_threatening": false,
"self_harm": false,
"self_harm_instructions": false,
"self_harm_intent": false,
"sexual": false,
"sexual_minors": false,
"violence": false,
"violence_graphic": false,
"self-harm": false,
"sexual/minors": false,
"hate/threatening": false,
"violence/graphic": false,
"self-harm/intent": false,
"self-harm/instructions": false,
"harassment/threatening": false
},
"category_scores": {
"harassment": 0.000018642002032720484,
"harassment_threatening": 0.0000057800007198238745,
"hate": 0.00000511705093231285,
"hate_threatening": 7.922738518573169e-7,
"self_harm": 0.0000010128406984222238,
"self_harm_instructions": 0.00008569219789933413,
"self_harm_intent": 0.000006472949280578177,
"sexual": 0.0000844913738546893,
"sexual_minors": 0.000008461839570372831,
"violence": 0.000003631345407484332,
"violence_graphic": 0.000006894071248098044,
"self-harm": 0.0000010128406984222238,
"sexual/minors": 0.000008461839570372831,
"hate/threatening": 7.922738518573169e-7,
"violence/graphic": 0.000006894071248098044,
"self-harm/intent": 0.000006472949280578177,
"self-harm/instructions": 0.00008569219789933413,
"harassment/threatening": 0.0000057800007198238745
},
"flagged": false
}
|
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