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Most of us have grown up afraid of giving someone else the evil eye so we have stricken
this contraction from our repertoire and left a glaring omission in our ability to emote using
our eyes The glare is a temporary and intense contraction of the squinting muscles Glaring is
Chapter Hold a Steady Upward Gaze with Wide Eyes
considered dominant because you generally must be authoritative to get away with it Lets
not use it to threaten people Use it very briefly to demonstrate concentration conviction or
valor You might choose to do this exercise as well as the previous exercise in front of a mirror
so that you can combine them with eye contact while monitoring your face
Eye Exercise Relaxed Glaring
Spend five minutes glaring as hard as you can while engaging in paced breathing Squint your
eyes tightly so that the opening is tiny and you can barely see through your eyelashes Hold
this contraction and try to keep it from wavering or trembling As you do so you might
pretend that you are confidently leading a large group of people through a snowstorm or a
sandstorm Holding a firm contraction in the part of the orbicularis oculi that contracts the
eyelids will help you develop its strength and coordination Take a second break every few
dozen seconds so that you dont push the muscles into persistent contraction
When was in junior high school my Dad asked me Jared why do you always look timid
and afraid in your yearbook pictures Try not to make that face anymore tiger At the time
had no idea what he was talking about do now constantly raised my eyebrows and
squinted but never frowned or glared so that would appear friendly Used briefly eyebrow
raising can communicate curiosity and engagement but overused it without giving the
muscles any rest It appeared affable in the short run but caused my face to become very tense
and age rapidly in the long run Use a brief eyebrow raise as an olive branch but do not use
extended eyebrow raises that go on for more than just a few seconds Those are white flags
Look Upward
The stress that overtook me at age caused me to lose the hair on my head rapidly Ashamed
of my bald spots between the ages of and wore a hat seven days a week For years
the brim of a baseball hat blocked the sky from my view training me not to cast my eyes
upward My whole behavioral repertoire involved looking down Then when turned
shaved my head and stopped wearing hats Suddenly became aware that had developed
a behavioral blind spot for the entire space above me That revelation galvanized me to train
myself to look up
We have all learned to habitually cast our gaze downward We often do this to avoid eye
contact all the while signaling submission disinterest or fear The vast majority of us do this
customarily even when alone Most peoples nervous systems are so conditioned to looking
down that they do it even when they dream How dismal
Most of us have grown up in an environment that discourages us from looking up in the
presence of others Other peoples reactions to our upward gaze have communicated to our
unconscious brain systems that we should avoid looking up for fear of reprimand or reprisal
The subject matter that makes a person glance at the floor is very telling and provides a
window into their insecurities More than this looking down is neurologically tied to depression
and anxiety through numerous brain pathways It is another habit that stifles our soul on a
neurological level
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body
To overcome this we can do two things train our nervous system to look upward
through practice and build the ocular muscles responsible for lifting the eyes The exercise
below is a great way to determine whether the muscles responsible for looking up superior
rectus have atrophied from disuse
Eye Exercise Strengthening the Muscles that Allow You to Look Up
Close your eyes and use your index fingers to press your upper eyelids and eyelashes down
pinning them against the top of your cheeks Refrain from squinting Next look straight up
for several seconds Then look up and to the left then up and to the right Keep at it for to
seconds It will likely burn and feel uncomfortable in the muscles around your eyes If it
does then you know they have atrophied and can be strengthened by repeating this
exercise Simply repeating the exercise on five different days should vastly reduce any
burning and help tone these muscles
used to look at the floor unconditionally when speaking would look at the ground
around my feet during most conversations Somehow didnt understand that this was a
primary reason couldnt keep a conversation going Try to stop looking down when you talk to
people People who are more severely affected can start looking at waist height then shoulder
height and so on Work toward being able to keep your gaze up around the height of your
head Once that starts to feel comfortable work on looking up during conversations above the
shared eye line
It is generally discourteous to look directly above another persons head so look off to one
side As you look up during the conversation you might be concerned that the other person will
become puzzled or suspicious of this If you are not accustomed to looking up are not used to
breathing deeply when doing it or if your ocular muscles are weak the other person will likely be
able to tell that it is unnatural for you Again the only way for it to look natural is for you to practice
People look up for many different reasons With the head facing down it can be coy and
suggestive With the head neutral or facing up it can communicate boredom Looking up when
someone walks into a room can be interpreted as a sign of disdain or disregard This is why
people roll their eyes Eye rolling is a nonverbal statement of superiority exclaiming That is
beneath me You dont want to adopt an upward gaze with these as your motives Some
people look up when they are thinking Others do it to recall something from memory Use
these as motives Pretend that you are using the ceiling or sky as a canvas for your imagination
to paint pictures of the topic of conversation Looking up appears natural to others when you
use the upper visual field to imagine things in the minds eye Encourage others to do it
with you
Eye Exercise Looking Up While Talking
Simulate a conversation or have an actual phone conversation while looking upward As you
listen and speak make certain your gaze does not drop below your eye line Keep your eyes
wide and your eyebrows relaxed Become aware of your tendency to look down Instead
Chapter Hold a Steady Upward Gaze with Wide Eyes
alternate between looking at things around the same level as your eyes and things that are
higher than them
There will be ample opportunities to practice during daily life When you are standing at
the register ordering fast food look up at the menu on the wall calmly with wide eyes even if
the cashier is looking directly at you Feel comfortable doing this while in line before you order
or even after As you pass a stranger on the street feel comfortable looking up While you do
so keep your head up too Gaze at the buildings signs telephone wires and clouds If you
need to remind yourself that looking up is your right Your eyes are yours to use as you wish
As an added benefit looking up naturally widens your eyes by engaging the levator palpebrae
superioris muscles
Eye Activity Take a Walk with Wide Eyes and an Upward Gaze
Take a walk around your block with your eyes all the way open Try to look at the ground as
little as possible Then walk around the block again this time without looking below the
horizon Do it a third time now without looking below your eye line It may help to focus
your gaze on roofs streetlights or treetops Finally try walking around the block with your
nose high in the airthat will compete with and override your tendency to point it at the
floor Notice how all of this feels especially in your face neck and shoulders See whether