monomer/program_peace · Datasets at Hugging Face

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you can replicate that feeling in daily life
Improve Your Eye Contact Skills by Looking at Your Eyes in the Mirror
When first started trying to make concerted eye contact with myself in a mirror it was
uncomfortable It became apparent that eye contact with others was awkward for me because
eye contact with myself was awkward After spending time holding my own gaze realized that
instead of looking myself directly in the iris or pupil usually looked around the eyes rather
than directly at them Then found that was doing the same thing when made eye contact
with others Sometimes looked at a persons cheeks nose mouth or ear other times off into
the space to the side of their head felt astounded when realized that virtually never looked
anyone straight in the eye
The most interesting thing about this is what would happen if tried to sustain eye contact
with myself in the mirror could only look into my iris for a mere second or two before my eyes
would flinch or dart away This was caused by reflexive startle and was therefore unconscious
and hard to resist It happened because my brain areas devoted to controlling eye movement
such as the frontal eye fields and the superior colliculi were not acclimatized to continual eye
contact My eyes were retreating out of fear
Everyones eyes autonomously flinch away from eye contact to different extents They do
so more when stress levels are high and the extent to which they do it is another marker of
social rank Some of our worst social experiences when threats forced us to avert our gaze
have traumatized the unconscious motor systems that control the eyes We should all try
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body
to break this neurological reflex to glance away from eye contact because it stunts our
social growth
Do you make direct and sustained eye contact with the characters on television If not
then you probably have an aversion to making eye contact as did Make a concerted effort to
always look the characters onscreen straight in the eye Many of us must force ourselves to
start taking simple steps toward building up a tolerance for eye contact which will help you
develop a preference for it
Illustration A Gorilla with wide eyes B A boy squinting and crying C Woman looking up and smiling
The best way to desensitize yourself to eye contact is to spend prolonged periods looking
into your own eyes in a mirror Notice and resist the impulse to glance away You will achieve
results quickly After pairing the exercise below with diaphragmatic breathing for one week
five minutes a day you should be able to make unwavering eye contact with yourself and feel
calm while doing it After practicing it for a few weeks you can do this with anyone Now only
look away when choose to also have a different relationship with myself now Not only do
feel more confident but also feel more trustworthy
Eye Exercise Making Eye Contact with Yourself
Sit in front of a mirror and make eye contact with yourself for five minutes Look straight into
your irises or pupils Do not raise your eyebrows and keep your eyes wide open Start at a
typical conversational distance one to four feet from the mirror itself Later try it from other
distances from one inch to feet Try to maintain a tranquil and confident expression and
breathe long deep breaths guided by a breath metronome Ensure that you maintain
steadfast contact with your irises throughout each smooth inhalation and exhalation
thought that one of my eyes was smaller than the other but this exercise proved to me that
was merely squinting my left eye harder and within a few sessions this asymmetry was
healed After you have practiced this alone several times try maintaining eye contact in this
way with a friend
One of the best times to practice is right after you wake up when the tension in the
muscles surrounding your eyes is most apparent Performing the above eyecontact exercise in
the morning will help you settle your eye posture into a positive healthy mode early in the day
making it easier to keep your eyes wide throughout the day You might also want to try it right
before meeting someone on whom you want to make a good impression Breathing usually
Chapter Hold a Steady Upward Gaze with Wide Eyes
becomes shallow during eye contact If you can breathe diaphragmatically during sustained eye
contact with yourself you will be able to do it with other people This is because most of the
subcortical circuits involved dont know the difference between looking yourself in the eye in a
mirror and looking someone else in the eye People will be surprised by how easy it is for you to
sustain wideeyed eye contact and impute saintlike qualities to you
Make Your Assertive Eye Contact Friendly
Socially dominant wolves stare freely and casually at their packmates but those packmates
never stare at the dominant animal The same is true with monkeys Momentary eye contact
with a dominant individual causes them to perform a submission gesture as an apology These
patterns also pertain to apes For example chimps avoid eye contact during confrontations and
physical struggles and subordinate chimps make much less eye contact when they are around
their dominant peers Chimps may charge at an individual from another group if it makes eye
contact Staring between unfamiliar apes is often interpreted as a threat signal Even an
unfamiliar human staring at a primate often elicits an attack response However chimpanzees
and gorillas from the same group frequently share gazes and use their eyes for communication
much like us Familiar chimps that are similar in rank make concerted eye contact under
normal conditions especially when making up after a fight
Of course eye contact behavior among humans is far more variable than among primates
with sizeable cultural differences in the frequency and significance of different ocular
behaviors In many cultures direct and prolonged eye contact is seen as a challenge or a test of
nerves so everyday eye contact tends to be brief In America averting the eyes is interpreted
as a lack of confidence certainty or truthfulness while sustained eye contact is taken to
indicate sincere interest forthrightness and attentiveness In the American context people
who make more eye contact are seen as more competent likable and trustworthy overall In
general the longer eye contact is maintained the greater the intimacy levels Positive feelings
toward another person generally increase as the length and frequency of a mutual gaze
increase This instinct seems to be built into us We are born expecting and craving eye
contact Infants prefer to look at faces that engage them in mutual eye contact and cry less
when exposed to them
As a child made minimal eye contact with my parents teachers and classmates didnt
want to challenge anyone didnt want to make any waves and usually just wanted to be left
alone so avoiding eye contact worked for me Also most of my life felt like an ugly person
and thought that by initiating eye contact was forcing someone to look at an ugly face Most
people have this worry to some degree If you do get over it Also keep in mind that refusing
eye contact can be domineering as when the alpha chimpanzee refuses to make eye contact or
even look at some of their subjects Release any unkind tendency you may have to avoid eye
contact with people you may think are ugly or beneath you
Throughout my adolescence and young adulthood paid little attention to eye contact in
general and because did not attend to it was clumsy with it The next two exercises helped
me tremendously Making more frequent eye contact has opened doors for me allowing me to
meet new people prolong conversations build rapport and prove to others that am not a
pushover On the other hand it also sometimes has the effect of making the person am talking
to feel uncomfortable giving them the lurking suspicion that my eye contact is a way to assert
PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body
myself That tradeoff seems to be intrinsic There is no way to avoid sometimes appearing
overbearing All we can do is work toward healthy eyecontact habits even if they sometimes
make people uncomfortable

you can replicate that feeling in daily life

Improve Your Eye Contact Skills by Looking at Your Eyes in the Mirror

When first started trying to make concerted eye contact with myself in a mirror it was

uncomfortable It became apparent that eye contact with others was awkward for me because

eye contact with myself was awkward After spending time holding my own gaze realized that

instead of looking myself directly in the iris or pupil usually looked around the eyes rather

than directly at them Then found that was doing the same thing when made eye contact

with others Sometimes looked at a persons cheeks nose mouth or ear other times off into

the space to the side of their head felt astounded when realized that virtually never looked

anyone straight in the eye

The most interesting thing about this is what would happen if tried to sustain eye contact

with myself in the mirror could only look into my iris for a mere second or two before my eyes

would flinch or dart away This was caused by reflexive startle and was therefore unconscious

and hard to resist It happened because my brain areas devoted to controlling eye movement

such as the frontal eye fields and the superior colliculi were not acclimatized to continual eye

contact My eyes were retreating out of fear

Everyones eyes autonomously flinch away from eye contact to different extents They do

so more when stress levels are high and the extent to which they do it is another marker of

social rank Some of our worst social experiences when threats forced us to avert our gaze

have traumatized the unconscious motor systems that control the eyes We should all try

PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body

to break this neurological reflex to glance away from eye contact because it stunts our

social growth

Do you make direct and sustained eye contact with the characters on television If not

then you probably have an aversion to making eye contact as did Make a concerted effort to

always look the characters onscreen straight in the eye Many of us must force ourselves to

start taking simple steps toward building up a tolerance for eye contact which will help you

develop a preference for it

Illustration A Gorilla with wide eyes B A boy squinting and crying C Woman looking up and smiling

The best way to desensitize yourself to eye contact is to spend prolonged periods looking

into your own eyes in a mirror Notice and resist the impulse to glance away You will achieve

results quickly After pairing the exercise below with diaphragmatic breathing for one week

five minutes a day you should be able to make unwavering eye contact with yourself and feel

calm while doing it After practicing it for a few weeks you can do this with anyone Now only

look away when choose to also have a different relationship with myself now Not only do

feel more confident but also feel more trustworthy

Eye Exercise Making Eye Contact with Yourself

Sit in front of a mirror and make eye contact with yourself for five minutes Look straight into

your irises or pupils Do not raise your eyebrows and keep your eyes wide open Start at a

typical conversational distance one to four feet from the mirror itself Later try it from other

distances from one inch to feet Try to maintain a tranquil and confident expression and

breathe long deep breaths guided by a breath metronome Ensure that you maintain

steadfast contact with your irises throughout each smooth inhalation and exhalation

thought that one of my eyes was smaller than the other but this exercise proved to me that

was merely squinting my left eye harder and within a few sessions this asymmetry was

healed After you have practiced this alone several times try maintaining eye contact in this

way with a friend

One of the best times to practice is right after you wake up when the tension in the

muscles surrounding your eyes is most apparent Performing the above eyecontact exercise in

the morning will help you settle your eye posture into a positive healthy mode early in the day

making it easier to keep your eyes wide throughout the day You might also want to try it right

before meeting someone on whom you want to make a good impression Breathing usually

Chapter Hold a Steady Upward Gaze with Wide Eyes

becomes shallow during eye contact If you can breathe diaphragmatically during sustained eye

contact with yourself you will be able to do it with other people This is because most of the

subcortical circuits involved dont know the difference between looking yourself in the eye in a

mirror and looking someone else in the eye People will be surprised by how easy it is for you to

sustain wideeyed eye contact and impute saintlike qualities to you

Make Your Assertive Eye Contact Friendly

Socially dominant wolves stare freely and casually at their packmates but those packmates

never stare at the dominant animal The same is true with monkeys Momentary eye contact

with a dominant individual causes them to perform a submission gesture as an apology These

patterns also pertain to apes For example chimps avoid eye contact during confrontations and

physical struggles and subordinate chimps make much less eye contact when they are around

their dominant peers Chimps may charge at an individual from another group if it makes eye

contact Staring between unfamiliar apes is often interpreted as a threat signal Even an

unfamiliar human staring at a primate often elicits an attack response However chimpanzees

and gorillas from the same group frequently share gazes and use their eyes for communication

much like us Familiar chimps that are similar in rank make concerted eye contact under

normal conditions especially when making up after a fight

Of course eye contact behavior among humans is far more variable than among primates

with sizeable cultural differences in the frequency and significance of different ocular

behaviors In many cultures direct and prolonged eye contact is seen as a challenge or a test of

nerves so everyday eye contact tends to be brief In America averting the eyes is interpreted

as a lack of confidence certainty or truthfulness while sustained eye contact is taken to

indicate sincere interest forthrightness and attentiveness In the American context people

who make more eye contact are seen as more competent likable and trustworthy overall In

general the longer eye contact is maintained the greater the intimacy levels Positive feelings

toward another person generally increase as the length and frequency of a mutual gaze

increase This instinct seems to be built into us We are born expecting and craving eye

contact Infants prefer to look at faces that engage them in mutual eye contact and cry less

when exposed to them

As a child made minimal eye contact with my parents teachers and classmates didnt

want to challenge anyone didnt want to make any waves and usually just wanted to be left

alone so avoiding eye contact worked for me Also most of my life felt like an ugly person

and thought that by initiating eye contact was forcing someone to look at an ugly face Most

people have this worry to some degree If you do get over it Also keep in mind that refusing

eye contact can be domineering as when the alpha chimpanzee refuses to make eye contact or

even look at some of their subjects Release any unkind tendency you may have to avoid eye

contact with people you may think are ugly or beneath you

Throughout my adolescence and young adulthood paid little attention to eye contact in

general and because did not attend to it was clumsy with it The next two exercises helped

me tremendously Making more frequent eye contact has opened doors for me allowing me to

meet new people prolong conversations build rapport and prove to others that am not a

pushover On the other hand it also sometimes has the effect of making the person am talking

to feel uncomfortable giving them the lurking suspicion that my eye contact is a way to assert

PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body

myself That tradeoff seems to be intrinsic There is no way to avoid sometimes appearing

overbearing All we can do is work toward healthy eyecontact habits even if they sometimes

make people uncomfortable