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Now that you know what submissive displays are and how they can be so damaging lets talk
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about fixing them The goal is clear To improve your health you need to replace your default
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submissive habits with their assertive relaxed alternatives Well start with a simple example
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Consider sneering The sneer is made possible by muscles that run along the sides of the
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nose and lift the upper lip when contracted Mammals sneer so that they do not bite into their
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lips during an attackbite Most mammals also sneer when threatened or uncomfortable This is
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because displaying the canines is the equivalent of flashing a dagger or putting a hand on a gun
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Dominant primates rarely sneer while subordinates do it constantly The most socially
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damaged monkeys have tense stiff sneering muscles that they cannot relax Because they are
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always sneering they always feel threatened It is the same in humans The tension in these
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muscles crushes our facial composure making it difficult to appear calm and collected Once
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realized that my sneering muscles had painful knots in them developed exercises alternating
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between completely contracting and completely relaxing them pairing both with
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diaphragmatic breathing also created a massage routine to release the cramps Completely
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loosening the knots in my sneering muscles took me a couple of minutes a day for a few
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months but it was well worth it The oncepainful knucklesized knots are gone completely
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look much calmer now and feel less defensive After completing the exercises in Chapter you
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will too The next activity may capture your interest in this phenomenon
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Activity Fully Contract Your Sneering Muscles
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Open your mouth as wide as you can Next reveal all your teeth as much as possible With
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your top and bottom teeth fully exposed you should feel like a predator about to bite into
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something Allow the sneer to fully contract muscles in your lips cheeks and nostrils
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Even your nose should be fully crinkled Try to hold this sneer for an entire minute This
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will push many of the muscles involved into a full fatigue After this extended full range
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contraction all these muscles should be able to rest more than they have in years
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PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body
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Ilustration Four animals baring their teeth
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Most people would feel very uncomfortable performing the exercise above in public
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Interestingly enough most people also feel extremely unguarded when they let their sneering
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muscles go lax This is why these muscles are stuck in sustained partial contraction You can
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pull these muscles out of partial contraction by pairing both sneering and its absence with
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diaphragmatic breathing which will afford your face a whole new level of composure Each
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chapter in this book will guide you to combine a different set of displays and the accompanying
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contractions with proper breathing in a thorough systematic approach The next section
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explains how this approach works and why it relies on pairing both submissive and dominant
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displays with diaphragmatic breathing
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The Methodology Combining Optimal Behaviors with Diaphragmatic Breathing
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As shown in the figure below breathing slowly and deeply with the diaphragm reduces your
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heart rate and stress response
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Chapter Optimal Quality of Life Training
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Diaphragmatic Breathing Decreases Stress
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Breathing
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Volume
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l
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Time Time
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Heart Rate
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I I
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Time Time
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Stress
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Response
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it
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Time Time
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Figure Before time this person is breathing short shallow breaths with a high heart rate and a high stress
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response At time this person takes two slow deep breaths You see a corresponding decrease in their heart rate
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and stress response At time they resume shallow breathing causing their heart rate and stress levels to go
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back up
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Learning how to breathe deeply is not enough however We need to build it into the basic
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ways we carry ourselves move through the world and interact with others The key to
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adopting dominant behaviors is to train your body to feel comfortable engaging in them You
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can do this by practicing diaphragmatic breathing while using confident postures and displays
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This will enable you to replace your longstanding associations between assertive behavior and
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the stress response
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As another example consider the involuntary placement of your eyes in social situations
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Looking upward above the eye line is a clear dominance display This is why most people feel
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uncomfortable looking up in public If you spend seconds on a crowded street looking
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PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body
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upward you will likely become very selfconscious Your breathing will become shallow and
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rapid your heartbeat will speed up and your stress level will increase Here is what that
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looks like
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Optimal Body Language Increases Stress
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Breathing
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Volume
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I
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Time Time
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Heart Rate
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iT iT
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Time Time
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Stress
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Response
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Time Time
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Figure These graphs show relaxed breathing that is slow and deep until the person uses an optimal display
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starting at time Using the display causes their breathing to become more shallow than usual and you see a
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corresponding increase in their heart rate and stress response This lasts until time when they cease performing
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the display
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The unconscious fear of behaving dominantly keeps our body language withdrawn and
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demure But there is a simple solution If you spend a few minutes per day practicing slow long
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deep breaths from your diaphragm while looking up then an upward gaze will stop recruiting
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the panicked breathing response It will instead begin to feel natural and even occur
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involuntarily You should start by practicing alone then in public and transition toward using it
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socially Practicing for just a few minutes a day can train you to stop looking down in a few
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Chapter Optimal Quality of Life Training
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weeks This technique can be used to make all forms of optimal body language feel comfortable
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and arise spontaneously
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After Exposure to Diaphragmatic Breathing Optimal
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Body Language No Longer Increases Stress
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Breathing
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Volume
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I
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Time Time
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Heart Rate
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