post_id
stringlengths 5
7
| domain
stringclasses 69
values | upvote_ratio
float64 0.5
1
| history
stringlengths 11
39.7k
| c_root_id_A
stringlengths 7
7
| c_root_id_B
stringlengths 7
7
| created_at_utc_A
int64 1.27B
1.68B
| created_at_utc_B
int64 1.27B
1.68B
| score_A
int64 -644
43.5k
| score_B
int64 -2,846
43.5k
| human_ref_A
stringlengths 0
18k
| human_ref_B
stringlengths 0
13.6k
| labels
int64 0
1
| seconds_difference
float64 0
346M
| score_ratio
float64 -2,292
2.5M
| metadata_A
stringclasses 1
value | metadata_B
stringclasses 1
value |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
lo1vtp
|
askacademia_train
| 0.98 |
So much effort about encouraging young people to do science, what about creating more jobs in academia? I am watching this increasing trend of scientists encouraging youngsters to become scientists for the last couple of years. However, whenever I visit the r/AskAcademia subreddit, I find some posts about the poor condition of the academic job market. Now, what's the point of telling young people to become scientists, when there's not much scope to really do so. Now, my question do academics reach out to the authorities to fund/ create more academic jobs or not? If yes, do you know about the details of this effort? If no, why don't academics do more to really promote science?
|
go4jtl7
|
go4ft8t
| 1,613,834,635 | 1,613,832,351 | 11 | 5 |
All I can say is that I studied biology instead of English in college because of the « study stem! You’ll have a job! » push, and when I graduated it was nearly impossible to get a job as a biologist. People that have a BA in STEM and don’t want to be a computer scientist can get a job as a teacher pretty easily. But who wants to be a science teacher? In addition to trying to do all of the things most teachers have to do (that could easily be multiple people’s jobs), they have to set up labs, get materials, organize materials, clean up labs... All of this to say I wish I had studied English, so I had at least struggled to get a job in a field I loved most...
|
The US government notice a deficit in supply of STEM graduates that will work in industry, not a deficit in supply of STEM PhDs
| 1 | 2,284 | 2.2 | ||
lo1vtp
|
askacademia_train
| 0.98 |
So much effort about encouraging young people to do science, what about creating more jobs in academia? I am watching this increasing trend of scientists encouraging youngsters to become scientists for the last couple of years. However, whenever I visit the r/AskAcademia subreddit, I find some posts about the poor condition of the academic job market. Now, what's the point of telling young people to become scientists, when there's not much scope to really do so. Now, my question do academics reach out to the authorities to fund/ create more academic jobs or not? If yes, do you know about the details of this effort? If no, why don't academics do more to really promote science?
|
go4jtl7
|
go4i3sr
| 1,613,834,635 | 1,613,833,677 | 11 | 5 |
All I can say is that I studied biology instead of English in college because of the « study stem! You’ll have a job! » push, and when I graduated it was nearly impossible to get a job as a biologist. People that have a BA in STEM and don’t want to be a computer scientist can get a job as a teacher pretty easily. But who wants to be a science teacher? In addition to trying to do all of the things most teachers have to do (that could easily be multiple people’s jobs), they have to set up labs, get materials, organize materials, clean up labs... All of this to say I wish I had studied English, so I had at least struggled to get a job in a field I loved most...
|
If your question is, do faculty promote increasing the size of the faculty, absolutely yes. However, this is a local issue of funding and faculty do not have decision powers at a university. We can advocate, but ultimately, some Dean, VP/Provost, or President/Chancellor makes those calls whether to hire an assistant VP of donor outreach or an assistant professor of chemistry. All academic research societies I am aware of that have sufficient membership/funds attempt to lobby the federal government for increased funding for research grants. If universities see an opportunity to make more grant dollars they will invest more in STEM faculty and labs (eg. if a professor gets a $1 million grant, the university gets a check for over $1.5 and gets to keep the difference). But, as others have said, being a professor is not the only pathway for PhDs in STEM. Many other posts have mentioned industry R&D. In addition, there are government lab (DoE national labs, NASA, NIH intramural, DOD, CDC, VA, etc.). There are also non-profit research institutions (Woods Hole, Allen Institute, SRI, etc.). There is also need for science adjacent positions, working in policy and oversight at both the local level (ie, at universities), state, and national level. You also have industry jobs that are not directly R&D. One of my former students sells research equipment. When I was a post-doc, I was recruited for a job that would have me traveling to meet with faculty to get them excited about and help facilitate them writing research grants to a company (plus do expert testimony for government and regulatory agencies). My point being, there are lots of opportunities for scientists outside of academia so it is not dishonest for faculty to promote others going into STEM. Unemployment for PhDs is something like 1-2%. They find jobs. All that being said, outside of a few disciplines, we do not have near the shortage of STEM majors some policy makers (and industry that wants to drive down labor costs) would have you believe.
| 1 | 958 | 2.2 | ||
lo1vtp
|
askacademia_train
| 0.98 |
So much effort about encouraging young people to do science, what about creating more jobs in academia? I am watching this increasing trend of scientists encouraging youngsters to become scientists for the last couple of years. However, whenever I visit the r/AskAcademia subreddit, I find some posts about the poor condition of the academic job market. Now, what's the point of telling young people to become scientists, when there's not much scope to really do so. Now, my question do academics reach out to the authorities to fund/ create more academic jobs or not? If yes, do you know about the details of this effort? If no, why don't academics do more to really promote science?
|
go4h433
|
go4cbtl
| 1,613,833,108 | 1,613,830,253 | 8 | 5 |
https://www.bls.gov/opub/mlr/2015/article/stem-crisis-or-stem-surplus-yes-and-yes.htm This is a great article that discusses whether US has a STEM deficit or a STEM surplus
|
We have to be careful as this is a slippery slope. Industry R&D positions are also saturated similar to academia, and this is beginning to spill into other career paths. Soon even biotech sales or PM positions will also require PhD at the entry level. But agreed, academia should do more to retain and employ students. Postdocs can become staff scientists or something.
| 1 | 2,855 | 1.6 | ||
lo1vtp
|
askacademia_train
| 0.98 |
So much effort about encouraging young people to do science, what about creating more jobs in academia? I am watching this increasing trend of scientists encouraging youngsters to become scientists for the last couple of years. However, whenever I visit the r/AskAcademia subreddit, I find some posts about the poor condition of the academic job market. Now, what's the point of telling young people to become scientists, when there's not much scope to really do so. Now, my question do academics reach out to the authorities to fund/ create more academic jobs or not? If yes, do you know about the details of this effort? If no, why don't academics do more to really promote science?
|
go4h433
|
go4ft8t
| 1,613,833,108 | 1,613,832,351 | 8 | 5 |
https://www.bls.gov/opub/mlr/2015/article/stem-crisis-or-stem-surplus-yes-and-yes.htm This is a great article that discusses whether US has a STEM deficit or a STEM surplus
|
The US government notice a deficit in supply of STEM graduates that will work in industry, not a deficit in supply of STEM PhDs
| 1 | 757 | 1.6 | ||
lo1vtp
|
askacademia_train
| 0.98 |
So much effort about encouraging young people to do science, what about creating more jobs in academia? I am watching this increasing trend of scientists encouraging youngsters to become scientists for the last couple of years. However, whenever I visit the r/AskAcademia subreddit, I find some posts about the poor condition of the academic job market. Now, what's the point of telling young people to become scientists, when there's not much scope to really do so. Now, my question do academics reach out to the authorities to fund/ create more academic jobs or not? If yes, do you know about the details of this effort? If no, why don't academics do more to really promote science?
|
go4cbtl
|
go4q4yu
| 1,613,830,253 | 1,613,837,982 | 5 | 6 |
We have to be careful as this is a slippery slope. Industry R&D positions are also saturated similar to academia, and this is beginning to spill into other career paths. Soon even biotech sales or PM positions will also require PhD at the entry level. But agreed, academia should do more to retain and employ students. Postdocs can become staff scientists or something.
|
Of course there are efforts to do this. For example, the National Council for Science and the Environment has been lobbying for 20+ years for increases in NSF funding, support for things like NREL, applied research, and investments in energy/climate related work. There are many, many other organizations doing similar work. The problem is that 1) half or more of the Congress are now actively anti-science and opposed to government investment in almost anything that isn't defense-related, 2) that same half is also mostly opposed to higher education, and 3) overall public support for research and teaching reflects (or drives) those divisions. So we aren't going to see any sort of moonshot style investments in science, research, or higher ed probably ever again. There's also a major problem in academia, often labeled as the "neoliberal business models of university administration." Whatever you call it, the basic premise is to run higher ed like a business, to wring profit from all operations and cut costs just like they would at GE or WalMart. This is one of the drivers for admin inflation-- the ranks of VPs and directors and other managers which have proliferated over the last 20 years while faculty lines have been cut. Since labor is the largest cost in running most universities, that's where the cuts have been made--- contingent labor has replaced tenure-track faculty virtually everywhere and those who remain are of course "doing more with less" each year. Exceptions for a few elite institutions of course, but for most of us that's the drill. None of this is going to change without a major political/cultural shift in the US. 25 years ago I thought climate change might drive that, but instead we've actually gone in the opposite direction due to our toxic politics.
| 0 | 7,729 | 1.2 | ||
lo1vtp
|
askacademia_train
| 0.98 |
So much effort about encouraging young people to do science, what about creating more jobs in academia? I am watching this increasing trend of scientists encouraging youngsters to become scientists for the last couple of years. However, whenever I visit the r/AskAcademia subreddit, I find some posts about the poor condition of the academic job market. Now, what's the point of telling young people to become scientists, when there's not much scope to really do so. Now, my question do academics reach out to the authorities to fund/ create more academic jobs or not? If yes, do you know about the details of this effort? If no, why don't academics do more to really promote science?
|
go4ft8t
|
go4q4yu
| 1,613,832,351 | 1,613,837,982 | 5 | 6 |
The US government notice a deficit in supply of STEM graduates that will work in industry, not a deficit in supply of STEM PhDs
|
Of course there are efforts to do this. For example, the National Council for Science and the Environment has been lobbying for 20+ years for increases in NSF funding, support for things like NREL, applied research, and investments in energy/climate related work. There are many, many other organizations doing similar work. The problem is that 1) half or more of the Congress are now actively anti-science and opposed to government investment in almost anything that isn't defense-related, 2) that same half is also mostly opposed to higher education, and 3) overall public support for research and teaching reflects (or drives) those divisions. So we aren't going to see any sort of moonshot style investments in science, research, or higher ed probably ever again. There's also a major problem in academia, often labeled as the "neoliberal business models of university administration." Whatever you call it, the basic premise is to run higher ed like a business, to wring profit from all operations and cut costs just like they would at GE or WalMart. This is one of the drivers for admin inflation-- the ranks of VPs and directors and other managers which have proliferated over the last 20 years while faculty lines have been cut. Since labor is the largest cost in running most universities, that's where the cuts have been made--- contingent labor has replaced tenure-track faculty virtually everywhere and those who remain are of course "doing more with less" each year. Exceptions for a few elite institutions of course, but for most of us that's the drill. None of this is going to change without a major political/cultural shift in the US. 25 years ago I thought climate change might drive that, but instead we've actually gone in the opposite direction due to our toxic politics.
| 0 | 5,631 | 1.2 | ||
lo1vtp
|
askacademia_train
| 0.98 |
So much effort about encouraging young people to do science, what about creating more jobs in academia? I am watching this increasing trend of scientists encouraging youngsters to become scientists for the last couple of years. However, whenever I visit the r/AskAcademia subreddit, I find some posts about the poor condition of the academic job market. Now, what's the point of telling young people to become scientists, when there's not much scope to really do so. Now, my question do academics reach out to the authorities to fund/ create more academic jobs or not? If yes, do you know about the details of this effort? If no, why don't academics do more to really promote science?
|
go4i3sr
|
go4q4yu
| 1,613,833,677 | 1,613,837,982 | 5 | 6 |
If your question is, do faculty promote increasing the size of the faculty, absolutely yes. However, this is a local issue of funding and faculty do not have decision powers at a university. We can advocate, but ultimately, some Dean, VP/Provost, or President/Chancellor makes those calls whether to hire an assistant VP of donor outreach or an assistant professor of chemistry. All academic research societies I am aware of that have sufficient membership/funds attempt to lobby the federal government for increased funding for research grants. If universities see an opportunity to make more grant dollars they will invest more in STEM faculty and labs (eg. if a professor gets a $1 million grant, the university gets a check for over $1.5 and gets to keep the difference). But, as others have said, being a professor is not the only pathway for PhDs in STEM. Many other posts have mentioned industry R&D. In addition, there are government lab (DoE national labs, NASA, NIH intramural, DOD, CDC, VA, etc.). There are also non-profit research institutions (Woods Hole, Allen Institute, SRI, etc.). There is also need for science adjacent positions, working in policy and oversight at both the local level (ie, at universities), state, and national level. You also have industry jobs that are not directly R&D. One of my former students sells research equipment. When I was a post-doc, I was recruited for a job that would have me traveling to meet with faculty to get them excited about and help facilitate them writing research grants to a company (plus do expert testimony for government and regulatory agencies). My point being, there are lots of opportunities for scientists outside of academia so it is not dishonest for faculty to promote others going into STEM. Unemployment for PhDs is something like 1-2%. They find jobs. All that being said, outside of a few disciplines, we do not have near the shortage of STEM majors some policy makers (and industry that wants to drive down labor costs) would have you believe.
|
Of course there are efforts to do this. For example, the National Council for Science and the Environment has been lobbying for 20+ years for increases in NSF funding, support for things like NREL, applied research, and investments in energy/climate related work. There are many, many other organizations doing similar work. The problem is that 1) half or more of the Congress are now actively anti-science and opposed to government investment in almost anything that isn't defense-related, 2) that same half is also mostly opposed to higher education, and 3) overall public support for research and teaching reflects (or drives) those divisions. So we aren't going to see any sort of moonshot style investments in science, research, or higher ed probably ever again. There's also a major problem in academia, often labeled as the "neoliberal business models of university administration." Whatever you call it, the basic premise is to run higher ed like a business, to wring profit from all operations and cut costs just like they would at GE or WalMart. This is one of the drivers for admin inflation-- the ranks of VPs and directors and other managers which have proliferated over the last 20 years while faculty lines have been cut. Since labor is the largest cost in running most universities, that's where the cuts have been made--- contingent labor has replaced tenure-track faculty virtually everywhere and those who remain are of course "doing more with less" each year. Exceptions for a few elite institutions of course, but for most of us that's the drill. None of this is going to change without a major political/cultural shift in the US. 25 years ago I thought climate change might drive that, but instead we've actually gone in the opposite direction due to our toxic politics.
| 0 | 4,305 | 1.2 | ||
lo1vtp
|
askacademia_train
| 0.98 |
So much effort about encouraging young people to do science, what about creating more jobs in academia? I am watching this increasing trend of scientists encouraging youngsters to become scientists for the last couple of years. However, whenever I visit the r/AskAcademia subreddit, I find some posts about the poor condition of the academic job market. Now, what's the point of telling young people to become scientists, when there's not much scope to really do so. Now, my question do academics reach out to the authorities to fund/ create more academic jobs or not? If yes, do you know about the details of this effort? If no, why don't academics do more to really promote science?
|
go4q4yu
|
go4kuhp
| 1,613,837,982 | 1,613,835,183 | 6 | 3 |
Of course there are efforts to do this. For example, the National Council for Science and the Environment has been lobbying for 20+ years for increases in NSF funding, support for things like NREL, applied research, and investments in energy/climate related work. There are many, many other organizations doing similar work. The problem is that 1) half or more of the Congress are now actively anti-science and opposed to government investment in almost anything that isn't defense-related, 2) that same half is also mostly opposed to higher education, and 3) overall public support for research and teaching reflects (or drives) those divisions. So we aren't going to see any sort of moonshot style investments in science, research, or higher ed probably ever again. There's also a major problem in academia, often labeled as the "neoliberal business models of university administration." Whatever you call it, the basic premise is to run higher ed like a business, to wring profit from all operations and cut costs just like they would at GE or WalMart. This is one of the drivers for admin inflation-- the ranks of VPs and directors and other managers which have proliferated over the last 20 years while faculty lines have been cut. Since labor is the largest cost in running most universities, that's where the cuts have been made--- contingent labor has replaced tenure-track faculty virtually everywhere and those who remain are of course "doing more with less" each year. Exceptions for a few elite institutions of course, but for most of us that's the drill. None of this is going to change without a major political/cultural shift in the US. 25 years ago I thought climate change might drive that, but instead we've actually gone in the opposite direction due to our toxic politics.
|
People here have pointed out that industry jobs exist. That's nice. But we have a ways to go before we can really claim that our skills are being reasonably assessed by non-academic employers.
| 1 | 2,799 | 2 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftt0ou
|
gftlvlx
| 1,607,965,478 | 1,607,961,986 | 412 | 345 |
Beyond the misogyny and everything else commented here, the op-ed belittles her dissertation, "Student Retention at the Community College Level: Meeting Students' Needs", calling it "unpromising" based on its title. (1) Fuck you. Community college is an incredibly important dimension of US Higher Education, serving over 40% of all college students, and studying retention at CC is very valuable. (2) Being given a platform to judge a dissertation by its title, as opposed to its content, is the epitome of "sound\[ing\] and feel\[ing\] fraudulent, not to say a touch comic".
|
As I was told and now tell people “I didn’t spend 11 years in college to be called *Mister*”
| 1 | 3,492 | 1.194203 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftt0ou
|
gftov17
| 1,607,965,478 | 1,607,963,476 | 412 | 231 |
Beyond the misogyny and everything else commented here, the op-ed belittles her dissertation, "Student Retention at the Community College Level: Meeting Students' Needs", calling it "unpromising" based on its title. (1) Fuck you. Community college is an incredibly important dimension of US Higher Education, serving over 40% of all college students, and studying retention at CC is very valuable. (2) Being given a platform to judge a dissertation by its title, as opposed to its content, is the epitome of "sound\[ing\] and feel\[ing\] fraudulent, not to say a touch comic".
|
There are obviously two problems with article. The biggest, by far, is the blatant and disgusting misogyny. The second is the denigration of the use of the honorific “Doctor” by PhDs. The word is actually in the name of the degree, exactly the same as in those obtained by MDs. There is zero pretense in using it, and I believe that argument was included only to allow the author to (implausibly) deny the misogyny. BTW, “doctor” comes from the Latin docēre, which means to teach or to lead. It was originally used to describe theologians and later other scholars. The use by medical doctors came later.
| 1 | 2,002 | 1.78355 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftt0ou
|
gftqyut
| 1,607,965,478 | 1,607,964,503 | 412 | 112 |
Beyond the misogyny and everything else commented here, the op-ed belittles her dissertation, "Student Retention at the Community College Level: Meeting Students' Needs", calling it "unpromising" based on its title. (1) Fuck you. Community college is an incredibly important dimension of US Higher Education, serving over 40% of all college students, and studying retention at CC is very valuable. (2) Being given a platform to judge a dissertation by its title, as opposed to its content, is the epitome of "sound\[ing\] and feel\[ing\] fraudulent, not to say a touch comic".
|
> I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. I mean, why not both? Real people are complicated and this guy is a piece of work. The reason it is condemned for misogyny is because people only feel clever asking this kind of question when it's a woman who has the doctorate. That's the misogyny — along with the "kiddo" and other sorts of things that imply that he thinks he is superior to her despite his being a total piece of shit. The fact that it is also deeply ignorant and anti-intellectual is part of that, too.
| 1 | 975 | 3.678571 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftt0ou
|
gftowwu
| 1,607,965,478 | 1,607,963,502 | 412 | 71 |
Beyond the misogyny and everything else commented here, the op-ed belittles her dissertation, "Student Retention at the Community College Level: Meeting Students' Needs", calling it "unpromising" based on its title. (1) Fuck you. Community college is an incredibly important dimension of US Higher Education, serving over 40% of all college students, and studying retention at CC is very valuable. (2) Being given a platform to judge a dissertation by its title, as opposed to its content, is the epitome of "sound\[ing\] and feel\[ing\] fraudulent, not to say a touch comic".
|
There are several issues and honestly the whole topic is a mess that can't possibly be unraveled in a reddit comment. First, the Dr. she is using is valid and is in no way fraudulent. As you rightly point out, the article is a politically motivated and frankly quite vile piece of crap. So I don't think trying to approach this from his ramblings can lead to anything productive. I will say that she has an EdD, which is not a PhD. It is still a doctorate which confers the right to be called Dr. but I believe it's not ONLY misogyny, as if that would not be enough, but also a deep seated disrespect for non-STEM or medicine-related fields. So yes the problems in that article are...well, it's a shitshow in many different ways. But maybe let's start over and ask ourselves about degrees, their meaning, their value and the use of 'doctor'. Not only is there a complicated history of who is called 'doctor', there is furthermore a complicated history of class and degrees as a whole. First of all, doctor was originally used for learned academics - people who lecture at academies and universities. The use of doctor for medical doctors is significantly more recent, so historically speaking it is the medical doctors who began to use this nomenclature. But does this matter? Language is flexible and as long as everybody understands what is being said in what context, ambiguity can be fine. It is not particularly common outside of jokes that medical doctors and doctors in the original sense of what is nowadays called PhDs are confused, so language wise it's mostly fine. In many western countries there has recently been a mostly men/male-driven push to not focusing on degrees so much. This is often because they feel uncomfortable with being treated differently simply because of their level of education or job, it can feel awkward to be called Mr. for many people in their young adulthood, let alone Dr. That along with their internalization of themselves as belonging to what is perceived as a privileged group with somewhat easier access or at least less pressures not to do so, makes them want to be chill about it, play it down, and in general you will find most young men in academia like first name basis, casual talk. This may on the surface seem like a good thing, and as a young adult man in mathematics I feel these sentiments too. However, this now puts the people who are first generation academics or people who have so far been minorities in academia into an awkward position: Because a large majority of young men are attempting to play down their degrees and status after attaining their doctorate, now all of a sudden it makes people think of women or first gens or ethnical minorities who wish to carry their title as a sign of their achievement as arrogant or stuck up. You will find these sorts of things a lot on Twitter. Someone adds Dr to their handle, then a bunch of people comment why they feel the need to point it out - usually in reference with a lot of their colleagues or acquaintances not doing that. But the circumstance is different for these people, they feel like they belong to a group which has historically been denied this privilege and now after finally also attaining it, they are once again being denied to carry it because most men are, for in my opinion good reasons and with good intention, trying to dismantle the whole degree structure. In a way, and in a vacuum, I think most people agree that we would be better off if degrees had no such role in our lives, if Dr. did not modify the way you are generically addressed, just as I think we all agree that Mrs. and Miss in a historical vacuum is ludicrous. But we don't live in a historical vacuum. We have to deal with the past and the implications that have grown out of our use of language. So while I and many others in my position, based on modern values, feel a need to downplay our education and to remove this "Dr." calling stuff, for many people this is a social status that they feel they've been denied despite, of course, rightfully now having earned it. So as I said, this is a complicated mess. It seems recently because of absolute jackasses like Epstein who are literally trying to deny people their degrees, younger men have started to, somewhat reluctantly, also wear their doctorates again, e.g. on Twitter and other social media, to make it clear that it is perfectly correct that someone who has earned that degree has indeed earned it. It's all a mess, you see. Nobody in their right mind would invent such a system nowadays but we have to deal with what is not what we want. And what is, is that any woman, minority and of course every single PERSON, who completes a doctorate at a well regarded university (by which I mean not a degree mill), deserves to be called by the degree which they signed up for and completed if they so desire. As a small side note, in some countries like Germany and Austria, the doctorate literally confers a name change of adding Dr. to your name, and the masters degree until recently used to literally change your name to include Mag. (magister, which means teacher). When the Mag. title was removed and became the MSc and MA during the Bologna process in the EU, there were massive shitstorms about people being denied their right to be Herr / Frau Mag. Many people rushed their degrees so they could complete it with the old Mag instead of the new post-name optional international masters degrees. So it is not impossible to get rid of such structure but it IS difficult and people hate it. Both for valid and for invalid reasons. We also can't generalize over all countries and cultures, it's unfortunately all a complicated mess. Apologies for the long post, hope some of my pointers made sense and lead you down useful thoughts.
| 1 | 1,976 | 5.802817 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftt0ou
|
gftrwu3
| 1,607,965,478 | 1,607,964,959 | 412 | 65 |
Beyond the misogyny and everything else commented here, the op-ed belittles her dissertation, "Student Retention at the Community College Level: Meeting Students' Needs", calling it "unpromising" based on its title. (1) Fuck you. Community college is an incredibly important dimension of US Higher Education, serving over 40% of all college students, and studying retention at CC is very valuable. (2) Being given a platform to judge a dissertation by its title, as opposed to its content, is the epitome of "sound\[ing\] and feel\[ing\] fraudulent, not to say a touch comic".
|
I think the thesis here is that the WSJ is a trash publication that exists for risky clicks. I don't get why it's "fraudulent" for a person who has a PhD to call themselves Dr, so I feel like his whole argument is moot.
| 1 | 519 | 6.338462 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftrzvm
|
gftt0ou
| 1,607,964,999 | 1,607,965,478 | 28 | 412 |
I am always hesitant and sometimes feel odd about using “Dr” because of the confusion. I don’t work in academia ( but it is a setting with a good deal of MD’s) and everyone uses first names except in the most formal of meetings with those outside our organization.
|
Beyond the misogyny and everything else commented here, the op-ed belittles her dissertation, "Student Retention at the Community College Level: Meeting Students' Needs", calling it "unpromising" based on its title. (1) Fuck you. Community college is an incredibly important dimension of US Higher Education, serving over 40% of all college students, and studying retention at CC is very valuable. (2) Being given a platform to judge a dissertation by its title, as opposed to its content, is the epitome of "sound\[ing\] and feel\[ing\] fraudulent, not to say a touch comic".
| 0 | 479 | 14.714286 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftw4z0
|
gftqyut
| 1,607,966,970 | 1,607,964,503 | 132 | 112 |
I stopped reading the article after “kiddo”
|
> I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. I mean, why not both? Real people are complicated and this guy is a piece of work. The reason it is condemned for misogyny is because people only feel clever asking this kind of question when it's a woman who has the doctorate. That's the misogyny — along with the "kiddo" and other sorts of things that imply that he thinks he is superior to her despite his being a total piece of shit. The fact that it is also deeply ignorant and anti-intellectual is part of that, too.
| 1 | 2,467 | 1.178571 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftw4z0
|
gftowwu
| 1,607,966,970 | 1,607,963,502 | 132 | 71 |
I stopped reading the article after “kiddo”
|
There are several issues and honestly the whole topic is a mess that can't possibly be unraveled in a reddit comment. First, the Dr. she is using is valid and is in no way fraudulent. As you rightly point out, the article is a politically motivated and frankly quite vile piece of crap. So I don't think trying to approach this from his ramblings can lead to anything productive. I will say that she has an EdD, which is not a PhD. It is still a doctorate which confers the right to be called Dr. but I believe it's not ONLY misogyny, as if that would not be enough, but also a deep seated disrespect for non-STEM or medicine-related fields. So yes the problems in that article are...well, it's a shitshow in many different ways. But maybe let's start over and ask ourselves about degrees, their meaning, their value and the use of 'doctor'. Not only is there a complicated history of who is called 'doctor', there is furthermore a complicated history of class and degrees as a whole. First of all, doctor was originally used for learned academics - people who lecture at academies and universities. The use of doctor for medical doctors is significantly more recent, so historically speaking it is the medical doctors who began to use this nomenclature. But does this matter? Language is flexible and as long as everybody understands what is being said in what context, ambiguity can be fine. It is not particularly common outside of jokes that medical doctors and doctors in the original sense of what is nowadays called PhDs are confused, so language wise it's mostly fine. In many western countries there has recently been a mostly men/male-driven push to not focusing on degrees so much. This is often because they feel uncomfortable with being treated differently simply because of their level of education or job, it can feel awkward to be called Mr. for many people in their young adulthood, let alone Dr. That along with their internalization of themselves as belonging to what is perceived as a privileged group with somewhat easier access or at least less pressures not to do so, makes them want to be chill about it, play it down, and in general you will find most young men in academia like first name basis, casual talk. This may on the surface seem like a good thing, and as a young adult man in mathematics I feel these sentiments too. However, this now puts the people who are first generation academics or people who have so far been minorities in academia into an awkward position: Because a large majority of young men are attempting to play down their degrees and status after attaining their doctorate, now all of a sudden it makes people think of women or first gens or ethnical minorities who wish to carry their title as a sign of their achievement as arrogant or stuck up. You will find these sorts of things a lot on Twitter. Someone adds Dr to their handle, then a bunch of people comment why they feel the need to point it out - usually in reference with a lot of their colleagues or acquaintances not doing that. But the circumstance is different for these people, they feel like they belong to a group which has historically been denied this privilege and now after finally also attaining it, they are once again being denied to carry it because most men are, for in my opinion good reasons and with good intention, trying to dismantle the whole degree structure. In a way, and in a vacuum, I think most people agree that we would be better off if degrees had no such role in our lives, if Dr. did not modify the way you are generically addressed, just as I think we all agree that Mrs. and Miss in a historical vacuum is ludicrous. But we don't live in a historical vacuum. We have to deal with the past and the implications that have grown out of our use of language. So while I and many others in my position, based on modern values, feel a need to downplay our education and to remove this "Dr." calling stuff, for many people this is a social status that they feel they've been denied despite, of course, rightfully now having earned it. So as I said, this is a complicated mess. It seems recently because of absolute jackasses like Epstein who are literally trying to deny people their degrees, younger men have started to, somewhat reluctantly, also wear their doctorates again, e.g. on Twitter and other social media, to make it clear that it is perfectly correct that someone who has earned that degree has indeed earned it. It's all a mess, you see. Nobody in their right mind would invent such a system nowadays but we have to deal with what is not what we want. And what is, is that any woman, minority and of course every single PERSON, who completes a doctorate at a well regarded university (by which I mean not a degree mill), deserves to be called by the degree which they signed up for and completed if they so desire. As a small side note, in some countries like Germany and Austria, the doctorate literally confers a name change of adding Dr. to your name, and the masters degree until recently used to literally change your name to include Mag. (magister, which means teacher). When the Mag. title was removed and became the MSc and MA during the Bologna process in the EU, there were massive shitstorms about people being denied their right to be Herr / Frau Mag. Many people rushed their degrees so they could complete it with the old Mag instead of the new post-name optional international masters degrees. So it is not impossible to get rid of such structure but it IS difficult and people hate it. Both for valid and for invalid reasons. We also can't generalize over all countries and cultures, it's unfortunately all a complicated mess. Apologies for the long post, hope some of my pointers made sense and lead you down useful thoughts.
| 1 | 3,468 | 1.859155 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftrwu3
|
gftw4z0
| 1,607,964,959 | 1,607,966,970 | 65 | 132 |
I think the thesis here is that the WSJ is a trash publication that exists for risky clicks. I don't get why it's "fraudulent" for a person who has a PhD to call themselves Dr, so I feel like his whole argument is moot.
|
I stopped reading the article after “kiddo”
| 0 | 2,011 | 2.030769 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftuvu6
|
gftw4z0
| 1,607,966,375 | 1,607,966,970 | 31 | 132 |
Doctor meant teacher and well-educated a lot longer than it meant medical professional. You've earned the title, you use it when you want.
|
I stopped reading the article after “kiddo”
| 0 | 595 | 4.258065 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftrzvm
|
gftw4z0
| 1,607,964,999 | 1,607,966,970 | 28 | 132 |
I am always hesitant and sometimes feel odd about using “Dr” because of the confusion. I don’t work in academia ( but it is a setting with a good deal of MD’s) and everyone uses first names except in the most formal of meetings with those outside our organization.
|
I stopped reading the article after “kiddo”
| 0 | 1,971 | 4.714286 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftx32t
|
gftqyut
| 1,607,967,423 | 1,607,964,503 | 116 | 112 |
And where the hell did he hear the phrase about only being able to call yourself a doctor if you’ve delivered a baby? Correct me if I’m wrong, but historically (globally) haven’t midwives traditionally delivered most babies while doctors were called in under special circumstances? (Or have I watched too much “Call the Midwife?”)
|
> I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. I mean, why not both? Real people are complicated and this guy is a piece of work. The reason it is condemned for misogyny is because people only feel clever asking this kind of question when it's a woman who has the doctorate. That's the misogyny — along with the "kiddo" and other sorts of things that imply that he thinks he is superior to her despite his being a total piece of shit. The fact that it is also deeply ignorant and anti-intellectual is part of that, too.
| 1 | 2,920 | 1.035714 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftx32t
|
gftowwu
| 1,607,967,423 | 1,607,963,502 | 116 | 71 |
And where the hell did he hear the phrase about only being able to call yourself a doctor if you’ve delivered a baby? Correct me if I’m wrong, but historically (globally) haven’t midwives traditionally delivered most babies while doctors were called in under special circumstances? (Or have I watched too much “Call the Midwife?”)
|
There are several issues and honestly the whole topic is a mess that can't possibly be unraveled in a reddit comment. First, the Dr. she is using is valid and is in no way fraudulent. As you rightly point out, the article is a politically motivated and frankly quite vile piece of crap. So I don't think trying to approach this from his ramblings can lead to anything productive. I will say that she has an EdD, which is not a PhD. It is still a doctorate which confers the right to be called Dr. but I believe it's not ONLY misogyny, as if that would not be enough, but also a deep seated disrespect for non-STEM or medicine-related fields. So yes the problems in that article are...well, it's a shitshow in many different ways. But maybe let's start over and ask ourselves about degrees, their meaning, their value and the use of 'doctor'. Not only is there a complicated history of who is called 'doctor', there is furthermore a complicated history of class and degrees as a whole. First of all, doctor was originally used for learned academics - people who lecture at academies and universities. The use of doctor for medical doctors is significantly more recent, so historically speaking it is the medical doctors who began to use this nomenclature. But does this matter? Language is flexible and as long as everybody understands what is being said in what context, ambiguity can be fine. It is not particularly common outside of jokes that medical doctors and doctors in the original sense of what is nowadays called PhDs are confused, so language wise it's mostly fine. In many western countries there has recently been a mostly men/male-driven push to not focusing on degrees so much. This is often because they feel uncomfortable with being treated differently simply because of their level of education or job, it can feel awkward to be called Mr. for many people in their young adulthood, let alone Dr. That along with their internalization of themselves as belonging to what is perceived as a privileged group with somewhat easier access or at least less pressures not to do so, makes them want to be chill about it, play it down, and in general you will find most young men in academia like first name basis, casual talk. This may on the surface seem like a good thing, and as a young adult man in mathematics I feel these sentiments too. However, this now puts the people who are first generation academics or people who have so far been minorities in academia into an awkward position: Because a large majority of young men are attempting to play down their degrees and status after attaining their doctorate, now all of a sudden it makes people think of women or first gens or ethnical minorities who wish to carry their title as a sign of their achievement as arrogant or stuck up. You will find these sorts of things a lot on Twitter. Someone adds Dr to their handle, then a bunch of people comment why they feel the need to point it out - usually in reference with a lot of their colleagues or acquaintances not doing that. But the circumstance is different for these people, they feel like they belong to a group which has historically been denied this privilege and now after finally also attaining it, they are once again being denied to carry it because most men are, for in my opinion good reasons and with good intention, trying to dismantle the whole degree structure. In a way, and in a vacuum, I think most people agree that we would be better off if degrees had no such role in our lives, if Dr. did not modify the way you are generically addressed, just as I think we all agree that Mrs. and Miss in a historical vacuum is ludicrous. But we don't live in a historical vacuum. We have to deal with the past and the implications that have grown out of our use of language. So while I and many others in my position, based on modern values, feel a need to downplay our education and to remove this "Dr." calling stuff, for many people this is a social status that they feel they've been denied despite, of course, rightfully now having earned it. So as I said, this is a complicated mess. It seems recently because of absolute jackasses like Epstein who are literally trying to deny people their degrees, younger men have started to, somewhat reluctantly, also wear their doctorates again, e.g. on Twitter and other social media, to make it clear that it is perfectly correct that someone who has earned that degree has indeed earned it. It's all a mess, you see. Nobody in their right mind would invent such a system nowadays but we have to deal with what is not what we want. And what is, is that any woman, minority and of course every single PERSON, who completes a doctorate at a well regarded university (by which I mean not a degree mill), deserves to be called by the degree which they signed up for and completed if they so desire. As a small side note, in some countries like Germany and Austria, the doctorate literally confers a name change of adding Dr. to your name, and the masters degree until recently used to literally change your name to include Mag. (magister, which means teacher). When the Mag. title was removed and became the MSc and MA during the Bologna process in the EU, there were massive shitstorms about people being denied their right to be Herr / Frau Mag. Many people rushed their degrees so they could complete it with the old Mag instead of the new post-name optional international masters degrees. So it is not impossible to get rid of such structure but it IS difficult and people hate it. Both for valid and for invalid reasons. We also can't generalize over all countries and cultures, it's unfortunately all a complicated mess. Apologies for the long post, hope some of my pointers made sense and lead you down useful thoughts.
| 1 | 3,921 | 1.633803 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftx32t
|
gftrwu3
| 1,607,967,423 | 1,607,964,959 | 116 | 65 |
And where the hell did he hear the phrase about only being able to call yourself a doctor if you’ve delivered a baby? Correct me if I’m wrong, but historically (globally) haven’t midwives traditionally delivered most babies while doctors were called in under special circumstances? (Or have I watched too much “Call the Midwife?”)
|
I think the thesis here is that the WSJ is a trash publication that exists for risky clicks. I don't get why it's "fraudulent" for a person who has a PhD to call themselves Dr, so I feel like his whole argument is moot.
| 1 | 2,464 | 1.784615 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftuvu6
|
gftx32t
| 1,607,966,375 | 1,607,967,423 | 31 | 116 |
Doctor meant teacher and well-educated a lot longer than it meant medical professional. You've earned the title, you use it when you want.
|
And where the hell did he hear the phrase about only being able to call yourself a doctor if you’ve delivered a baby? Correct me if I’m wrong, but historically (globally) haven’t midwives traditionally delivered most babies while doctors were called in under special circumstances? (Or have I watched too much “Call the Midwife?”)
| 0 | 1,048 | 3.741935 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftrzvm
|
gftx32t
| 1,607,964,999 | 1,607,967,423 | 28 | 116 |
I am always hesitant and sometimes feel odd about using “Dr” because of the confusion. I don’t work in academia ( but it is a setting with a good deal of MD’s) and everyone uses first names except in the most formal of meetings with those outside our organization.
|
And where the hell did he hear the phrase about only being able to call yourself a doctor if you’ve delivered a baby? Correct me if I’m wrong, but historically (globally) haven’t midwives traditionally delivered most babies while doctors were called in under special circumstances? (Or have I watched too much “Call the Midwife?”)
| 0 | 2,424 | 4.142857 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftqyut
|
gftowwu
| 1,607,964,503 | 1,607,963,502 | 112 | 71 |
> I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. I mean, why not both? Real people are complicated and this guy is a piece of work. The reason it is condemned for misogyny is because people only feel clever asking this kind of question when it's a woman who has the doctorate. That's the misogyny — along with the "kiddo" and other sorts of things that imply that he thinks he is superior to her despite his being a total piece of shit. The fact that it is also deeply ignorant and anti-intellectual is part of that, too.
|
There are several issues and honestly the whole topic is a mess that can't possibly be unraveled in a reddit comment. First, the Dr. she is using is valid and is in no way fraudulent. As you rightly point out, the article is a politically motivated and frankly quite vile piece of crap. So I don't think trying to approach this from his ramblings can lead to anything productive. I will say that she has an EdD, which is not a PhD. It is still a doctorate which confers the right to be called Dr. but I believe it's not ONLY misogyny, as if that would not be enough, but also a deep seated disrespect for non-STEM or medicine-related fields. So yes the problems in that article are...well, it's a shitshow in many different ways. But maybe let's start over and ask ourselves about degrees, their meaning, their value and the use of 'doctor'. Not only is there a complicated history of who is called 'doctor', there is furthermore a complicated history of class and degrees as a whole. First of all, doctor was originally used for learned academics - people who lecture at academies and universities. The use of doctor for medical doctors is significantly more recent, so historically speaking it is the medical doctors who began to use this nomenclature. But does this matter? Language is flexible and as long as everybody understands what is being said in what context, ambiguity can be fine. It is not particularly common outside of jokes that medical doctors and doctors in the original sense of what is nowadays called PhDs are confused, so language wise it's mostly fine. In many western countries there has recently been a mostly men/male-driven push to not focusing on degrees so much. This is often because they feel uncomfortable with being treated differently simply because of their level of education or job, it can feel awkward to be called Mr. for many people in their young adulthood, let alone Dr. That along with their internalization of themselves as belonging to what is perceived as a privileged group with somewhat easier access or at least less pressures not to do so, makes them want to be chill about it, play it down, and in general you will find most young men in academia like first name basis, casual talk. This may on the surface seem like a good thing, and as a young adult man in mathematics I feel these sentiments too. However, this now puts the people who are first generation academics or people who have so far been minorities in academia into an awkward position: Because a large majority of young men are attempting to play down their degrees and status after attaining their doctorate, now all of a sudden it makes people think of women or first gens or ethnical minorities who wish to carry their title as a sign of their achievement as arrogant or stuck up. You will find these sorts of things a lot on Twitter. Someone adds Dr to their handle, then a bunch of people comment why they feel the need to point it out - usually in reference with a lot of their colleagues or acquaintances not doing that. But the circumstance is different for these people, they feel like they belong to a group which has historically been denied this privilege and now after finally also attaining it, they are once again being denied to carry it because most men are, for in my opinion good reasons and with good intention, trying to dismantle the whole degree structure. In a way, and in a vacuum, I think most people agree that we would be better off if degrees had no such role in our lives, if Dr. did not modify the way you are generically addressed, just as I think we all agree that Mrs. and Miss in a historical vacuum is ludicrous. But we don't live in a historical vacuum. We have to deal with the past and the implications that have grown out of our use of language. So while I and many others in my position, based on modern values, feel a need to downplay our education and to remove this "Dr." calling stuff, for many people this is a social status that they feel they've been denied despite, of course, rightfully now having earned it. So as I said, this is a complicated mess. It seems recently because of absolute jackasses like Epstein who are literally trying to deny people their degrees, younger men have started to, somewhat reluctantly, also wear their doctorates again, e.g. on Twitter and other social media, to make it clear that it is perfectly correct that someone who has earned that degree has indeed earned it. It's all a mess, you see. Nobody in their right mind would invent such a system nowadays but we have to deal with what is not what we want. And what is, is that any woman, minority and of course every single PERSON, who completes a doctorate at a well regarded university (by which I mean not a degree mill), deserves to be called by the degree which they signed up for and completed if they so desire. As a small side note, in some countries like Germany and Austria, the doctorate literally confers a name change of adding Dr. to your name, and the masters degree until recently used to literally change your name to include Mag. (magister, which means teacher). When the Mag. title was removed and became the MSc and MA during the Bologna process in the EU, there were massive shitstorms about people being denied their right to be Herr / Frau Mag. Many people rushed their degrees so they could complete it with the old Mag instead of the new post-name optional international masters degrees. So it is not impossible to get rid of such structure but it IS difficult and people hate it. Both for valid and for invalid reasons. We also can't generalize over all countries and cultures, it's unfortunately all a complicated mess. Apologies for the long post, hope some of my pointers made sense and lead you down useful thoughts.
| 1 | 1,001 | 1.577465 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftowwu
|
gfu5g2q
| 1,607,963,502 | 1,607,971,356 | 71 | 106 |
There are several issues and honestly the whole topic is a mess that can't possibly be unraveled in a reddit comment. First, the Dr. she is using is valid and is in no way fraudulent. As you rightly point out, the article is a politically motivated and frankly quite vile piece of crap. So I don't think trying to approach this from his ramblings can lead to anything productive. I will say that she has an EdD, which is not a PhD. It is still a doctorate which confers the right to be called Dr. but I believe it's not ONLY misogyny, as if that would not be enough, but also a deep seated disrespect for non-STEM or medicine-related fields. So yes the problems in that article are...well, it's a shitshow in many different ways. But maybe let's start over and ask ourselves about degrees, their meaning, their value and the use of 'doctor'. Not only is there a complicated history of who is called 'doctor', there is furthermore a complicated history of class and degrees as a whole. First of all, doctor was originally used for learned academics - people who lecture at academies and universities. The use of doctor for medical doctors is significantly more recent, so historically speaking it is the medical doctors who began to use this nomenclature. But does this matter? Language is flexible and as long as everybody understands what is being said in what context, ambiguity can be fine. It is not particularly common outside of jokes that medical doctors and doctors in the original sense of what is nowadays called PhDs are confused, so language wise it's mostly fine. In many western countries there has recently been a mostly men/male-driven push to not focusing on degrees so much. This is often because they feel uncomfortable with being treated differently simply because of their level of education or job, it can feel awkward to be called Mr. for many people in their young adulthood, let alone Dr. That along with their internalization of themselves as belonging to what is perceived as a privileged group with somewhat easier access or at least less pressures not to do so, makes them want to be chill about it, play it down, and in general you will find most young men in academia like first name basis, casual talk. This may on the surface seem like a good thing, and as a young adult man in mathematics I feel these sentiments too. However, this now puts the people who are first generation academics or people who have so far been minorities in academia into an awkward position: Because a large majority of young men are attempting to play down their degrees and status after attaining their doctorate, now all of a sudden it makes people think of women or first gens or ethnical minorities who wish to carry their title as a sign of their achievement as arrogant or stuck up. You will find these sorts of things a lot on Twitter. Someone adds Dr to their handle, then a bunch of people comment why they feel the need to point it out - usually in reference with a lot of their colleagues or acquaintances not doing that. But the circumstance is different for these people, they feel like they belong to a group which has historically been denied this privilege and now after finally also attaining it, they are once again being denied to carry it because most men are, for in my opinion good reasons and with good intention, trying to dismantle the whole degree structure. In a way, and in a vacuum, I think most people agree that we would be better off if degrees had no such role in our lives, if Dr. did not modify the way you are generically addressed, just as I think we all agree that Mrs. and Miss in a historical vacuum is ludicrous. But we don't live in a historical vacuum. We have to deal with the past and the implications that have grown out of our use of language. So while I and many others in my position, based on modern values, feel a need to downplay our education and to remove this "Dr." calling stuff, for many people this is a social status that they feel they've been denied despite, of course, rightfully now having earned it. So as I said, this is a complicated mess. It seems recently because of absolute jackasses like Epstein who are literally trying to deny people their degrees, younger men have started to, somewhat reluctantly, also wear their doctorates again, e.g. on Twitter and other social media, to make it clear that it is perfectly correct that someone who has earned that degree has indeed earned it. It's all a mess, you see. Nobody in their right mind would invent such a system nowadays but we have to deal with what is not what we want. And what is, is that any woman, minority and of course every single PERSON, who completes a doctorate at a well regarded university (by which I mean not a degree mill), deserves to be called by the degree which they signed up for and completed if they so desire. As a small side note, in some countries like Germany and Austria, the doctorate literally confers a name change of adding Dr. to your name, and the masters degree until recently used to literally change your name to include Mag. (magister, which means teacher). When the Mag. title was removed and became the MSc and MA during the Bologna process in the EU, there were massive shitstorms about people being denied their right to be Herr / Frau Mag. Many people rushed their degrees so they could complete it with the old Mag instead of the new post-name optional international masters degrees. So it is not impossible to get rid of such structure but it IS difficult and people hate it. Both for valid and for invalid reasons. We also can't generalize over all countries and cultures, it's unfortunately all a complicated mess. Apologies for the long post, hope some of my pointers made sense and lead you down useful thoughts.
|
I would add there’s a third layer here that isn’t being addressed: The author’s clear mocking of community colleges and their role in higher education. He insults her dissertation, which focused on community college retention - a critical issue facing higher education. He overlooks her decades of teaching experience in community colleges - a vital part of the picture. And he broadly considers the analytical and service work of Ed.D. holders to be meaningless enough to mock. What a prick.
| 0 | 7,854 | 1.492958 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gfu5g2q
|
gftrwu3
| 1,607,971,356 | 1,607,964,959 | 106 | 65 |
I would add there’s a third layer here that isn’t being addressed: The author’s clear mocking of community colleges and their role in higher education. He insults her dissertation, which focused on community college retention - a critical issue facing higher education. He overlooks her decades of teaching experience in community colleges - a vital part of the picture. And he broadly considers the analytical and service work of Ed.D. holders to be meaningless enough to mock. What a prick.
|
I think the thesis here is that the WSJ is a trash publication that exists for risky clicks. I don't get why it's "fraudulent" for a person who has a PhD to call themselves Dr, so I feel like his whole argument is moot.
| 1 | 6,397 | 1.630769 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftuvu6
|
gfu5g2q
| 1,607,966,375 | 1,607,971,356 | 31 | 106 |
Doctor meant teacher and well-educated a lot longer than it meant medical professional. You've earned the title, you use it when you want.
|
I would add there’s a third layer here that isn’t being addressed: The author’s clear mocking of community colleges and their role in higher education. He insults her dissertation, which focused on community college retention - a critical issue facing higher education. He overlooks her decades of teaching experience in community colleges - a vital part of the picture. And he broadly considers the analytical and service work of Ed.D. holders to be meaningless enough to mock. What a prick.
| 0 | 4,981 | 3.419355 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gfu5g2q
|
gftrzvm
| 1,607,971,356 | 1,607,964,999 | 106 | 28 |
I would add there’s a third layer here that isn’t being addressed: The author’s clear mocking of community colleges and their role in higher education. He insults her dissertation, which focused on community college retention - a critical issue facing higher education. He overlooks her decades of teaching experience in community colleges - a vital part of the picture. And he broadly considers the analytical and service work of Ed.D. holders to be meaningless enough to mock. What a prick.
|
I am always hesitant and sometimes feel odd about using “Dr” because of the confusion. I don’t work in academia ( but it is a setting with a good deal of MD’s) and everyone uses first names except in the most formal of meetings with those outside our organization.
| 1 | 6,357 | 3.785714 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftuvu6
|
gfu9evt
| 1,607,966,375 | 1,607,973,219 | 31 | 33 |
Doctor meant teacher and well-educated a lot longer than it meant medical professional. You've earned the title, you use it when you want.
|
There are so many issues with that article. It's honestly barely about titles. (1) Dismissing her legit use of the title itself and the blatant misogynistic in insisting a woman use a title that refers to her relationship to a man (2) Diminished the work of every single PhD ever by saying ~ it used to be harder ~ even though the author has no higher degree at all (3) Specifically diminished research of community college education, which is really damn important, and there's elitism in dismissing the real issues of community college students (4) Implied black women are unfairly being given honorary doctorates for diversity points, which is both racist and sexist (5) Mocking older students because she went back later in life to get her PhD
| 0 | 6,844 | 1.064516 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gftrzvm
|
gftuvu6
| 1,607,964,999 | 1,607,966,375 | 28 | 31 |
I am always hesitant and sometimes feel odd about using “Dr” because of the confusion. I don’t work in academia ( but it is a setting with a good deal of MD’s) and everyone uses first names except in the most formal of meetings with those outside our organization.
|
Doctor meant teacher and well-educated a lot longer than it meant medical professional. You've earned the title, you use it when you want.
| 0 | 1,376 | 1.107143 | ||
kd0cc1
|
askacademia_train
| 0.94 |
Is misogyny the only problem with the WSJ op-ed on asking Jill Biden to not use 'Dr.'? Edit: I do not often post. And looking at the options for flairs, I have a feeling this might not be the right subreddit for this. I apologize if that's the case. So recently there has been a furore over the op-ed by Joseph Epstein asking Jill Biden to not use the title of 'Dr.' and even calling it fraudulent. The article is absolutely misogynistic and should be condemned. However, I was also offended by the denigration of PhDs in general. I have listened to people talk about 'real doctors' and it gets annoying. As a PhD in computer science, I do not go about touting my title in a hospital. In fact, I rarely use my title, unless required on a form. However, I feel that people who choose to do so are completely in the right. If a PhD goes about using the title with their name, the only flaw that can even be alleged is vanity, not fraudulence. I do not know whether the author chose to disparage PhDs only to help his misogynistic agenda with regards to the next first lady, or that he felt envious of people with higher degrees while he worked in academia. However, I think that the article can be condemned from an angle other than misogyny. The reason is that both WSJ and the author will double down on saying that they are not misogynistic, but in my opinion find it harder to objectively defend why a PhD should not call themselves a doctor. This is just the thought that occurred to me. I would love to hear what other people's approach is towards this and learn from that. Thanks.
|
gfu9evt
|
gftrzvm
| 1,607,973,219 | 1,607,964,999 | 33 | 28 |
There are so many issues with that article. It's honestly barely about titles. (1) Dismissing her legit use of the title itself and the blatant misogynistic in insisting a woman use a title that refers to her relationship to a man (2) Diminished the work of every single PhD ever by saying ~ it used to be harder ~ even though the author has no higher degree at all (3) Specifically diminished research of community college education, which is really damn important, and there's elitism in dismissing the real issues of community college students (4) Implied black women are unfairly being given honorary doctorates for diversity points, which is both racist and sexist (5) Mocking older students because she went back later in life to get her PhD
|
I am always hesitant and sometimes feel odd about using “Dr” because of the confusion. I don’t work in academia ( but it is a setting with a good deal of MD’s) and everyone uses first names except in the most formal of meetings with those outside our organization.
| 1 | 8,220 | 1.178571 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1awco
|
fn1anp9
| 1,586,558,267 | 1,586,558,129 | 110 | 10 |
Take your time and grieve your loss. You've done the right thing and reached out to your undergrad and grad programs and gotten extensions and deferment. This is why these options are there, when the unexpected happens. Don't listen to your parents and take your time to get to a point you are okay. Mental health is already tough in grad school and going in when you are already vulnerable is not a wise decision. Having a gap year shouldn't be a problem. Plus, grant, fellowship and job applications all have a personal statement where you can explain gaps like this. And you have a very good reason if questioned. But also having a gap year at this stage isn't usually an issue. This won't ruin your chance to be a professor. Focus on grieving and dealing with your loss. And think about would she want you to put your life on hold. Taking the deferment to grieve is okay. But also moving on to grad school (be it this one or applying again this fall for another school) is okay as well.
|
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. There's no shame at all in taking time off to process your emotions. Trying to push on may only hurt you in the end if you don't take the time to deal with this.
| 1 | 138 | 11 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1ouyi
|
fn1b6oh
| 1,586,566,697 | 1,586,558,429 | 39 | 27 |
Sorry for your loss OP. This is unimaginable. I would absolutely defer if you have any means of supporting yourself over the next year. Fall 2020 is going to be a real mess on campuses everywhere, and I can't imagine starting a Ph.D. program in the midst of that. You'd be better off almost anywhere else IMO, for both personal and professional reasons. Give yourself a break and do what you need to in order to reset...grieving during a pandemic is hard as hell (as I and many others now know). Being a grad student ain't no picnic either. If you can take some time to focus on yourself and to heal you'd probably be in a better place in fall 2021, and it's all but certain that's true for higher ed in general as well.
|
I'm so sorry for your loss. I have also asked for a deferment, but it's due to a loss in my family. No one will look down on you for making this choice. I had felt guilty about asking for a deferment, but was then told it was a mature decision from the PI I applied to. Take this time to be with your family and just grieve. Again, I am so sorry this happened. Take care.
| 1 | 8,268 | 1.444444 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1anp9
|
fn1ouyi
| 1,586,558,129 | 1,586,566,697 | 10 | 39 |
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. There's no shame at all in taking time off to process your emotions. Trying to push on may only hurt you in the end if you don't take the time to deal with this.
|
Sorry for your loss OP. This is unimaginable. I would absolutely defer if you have any means of supporting yourself over the next year. Fall 2020 is going to be a real mess on campuses everywhere, and I can't imagine starting a Ph.D. program in the midst of that. You'd be better off almost anywhere else IMO, for both personal and professional reasons. Give yourself a break and do what you need to in order to reset...grieving during a pandemic is hard as hell (as I and many others now know). Being a grad student ain't no picnic either. If you can take some time to focus on yourself and to heal you'd probably be in a better place in fall 2021, and it's all but certain that's true for higher ed in general as well.
| 0 | 8,568 | 3.9 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1ouyi
|
fn1grr5
| 1,586,566,697 | 1,586,561,685 | 39 | 8 |
Sorry for your loss OP. This is unimaginable. I would absolutely defer if you have any means of supporting yourself over the next year. Fall 2020 is going to be a real mess on campuses everywhere, and I can't imagine starting a Ph.D. program in the midst of that. You'd be better off almost anywhere else IMO, for both personal and professional reasons. Give yourself a break and do what you need to in order to reset...grieving during a pandemic is hard as hell (as I and many others now know). Being a grad student ain't no picnic either. If you can take some time to focus on yourself and to heal you'd probably be in a better place in fall 2021, and it's all but certain that's true for higher ed in general as well.
|
I am so, so sorry. Grief is a heavy thing and it can’t be gotten over. You will learn to live with it, but you need support. I think you should defer, take some time, and care for your own health first. I am so, so sorry. I can’t even imagine. I do know that when you’re experiencing grief you should avoid making huge decisions for several months. If funding and admission is the same, don’t jump in just yet. You may feel like you’re in a fog during the first year of grieving, and I’m not sure doctoral work will help. Also think about your studies as an investment in yourself. Are you ready to invest all that’s required right now, or would you be better suited for the work after taking some time?
| 1 | 5,012 | 4.875 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1bz6n
|
fn1ouyi
| 1,586,558,879 | 1,586,566,697 | 6 | 39 |
I’m sorry for your loss. I know it’s not the same, but my roommate took his life while we were living together. My biggest regret wasn’t taking time away from to school to process the event.
|
Sorry for your loss OP. This is unimaginable. I would absolutely defer if you have any means of supporting yourself over the next year. Fall 2020 is going to be a real mess on campuses everywhere, and I can't imagine starting a Ph.D. program in the midst of that. You'd be better off almost anywhere else IMO, for both personal and professional reasons. Give yourself a break and do what you need to in order to reset...grieving during a pandemic is hard as hell (as I and many others now know). Being a grad student ain't no picnic either. If you can take some time to focus on yourself and to heal you'd probably be in a better place in fall 2021, and it's all but certain that's true for higher ed in general as well.
| 0 | 7,818 | 6.5 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1vw7s
|
fn1b6oh
| 1,586,571,373 | 1,586,558,429 | 35 | 27 |
OK - first, my wife died over a decade ago. I understand your pain. It is immense. It's not going away soon. In some ways you will actually do things that others will see as "crazy." There will be times that you cannot function. That's all normal. It took me about 6 months to feel at all consistently functional. But there will also be times when you can do all right and be wanting to move forward. Like when you wrote this message to all of us. Take whatever time off you have been given. This is not giving up or giving in. Your entire psyche has been shocked badly and you cannot function at your best. You need the time to recover, even if all you want to do is bury yourself in work to distract you from the pain of it all. It sounds like both institutions are doing you a solid and giving you the time. Take it. You need it. I was trying to finish my dissertation when my wife died. My first draft was completely finished. It actually took me another 2 years until I got to my defense. OK, that's what it took. I simply could not have gone any faster. Try to remember that your parents are trying to help even when they're not. You can also say, "no, I don't want that." They might actually hear you after 45 tries. No one you want to work with will look badly at deferment for this reason. When you're ready, you'll know.
|
I'm so sorry for your loss. I have also asked for a deferment, but it's due to a loss in my family. No one will look down on you for making this choice. I had felt guilty about asking for a deferment, but was then told it was a mature decision from the PI I applied to. Take this time to be with your family and just grieve. Again, I am so sorry this happened. Take care.
| 1 | 12,944 | 1.296296 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1tin8
|
fn1vw7s
| 1,586,569,746 | 1,586,571,373 | 25 | 35 |
Deferment is not a bad idea, in fact, I'd say it's a GREAT option. The only people that would possibly care about this deferment (or a gap year) is a PhD program. If you show up to the PhD program and are still a mess it is hard (not impossible) to recover from. My dad died unexpectedly two months before my PhD program started and I wish I would have deferred for a year. I was a mess and I can only imagine you're worse off.
|
OK - first, my wife died over a decade ago. I understand your pain. It is immense. It's not going away soon. In some ways you will actually do things that others will see as "crazy." There will be times that you cannot function. That's all normal. It took me about 6 months to feel at all consistently functional. But there will also be times when you can do all right and be wanting to move forward. Like when you wrote this message to all of us. Take whatever time off you have been given. This is not giving up or giving in. Your entire psyche has been shocked badly and you cannot function at your best. You need the time to recover, even if all you want to do is bury yourself in work to distract you from the pain of it all. It sounds like both institutions are doing you a solid and giving you the time. Take it. You need it. I was trying to finish my dissertation when my wife died. My first draft was completely finished. It actually took me another 2 years until I got to my defense. OK, that's what it took. I simply could not have gone any faster. Try to remember that your parents are trying to help even when they're not. You can also say, "no, I don't want that." They might actually hear you after 45 tries. No one you want to work with will look badly at deferment for this reason. When you're ready, you'll know.
| 0 | 1,627 | 1.4 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1anp9
|
fn1vw7s
| 1,586,558,129 | 1,586,571,373 | 10 | 35 |
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. There's no shame at all in taking time off to process your emotions. Trying to push on may only hurt you in the end if you don't take the time to deal with this.
|
OK - first, my wife died over a decade ago. I understand your pain. It is immense. It's not going away soon. In some ways you will actually do things that others will see as "crazy." There will be times that you cannot function. That's all normal. It took me about 6 months to feel at all consistently functional. But there will also be times when you can do all right and be wanting to move forward. Like when you wrote this message to all of us. Take whatever time off you have been given. This is not giving up or giving in. Your entire psyche has been shocked badly and you cannot function at your best. You need the time to recover, even if all you want to do is bury yourself in work to distract you from the pain of it all. It sounds like both institutions are doing you a solid and giving you the time. Take it. You need it. I was trying to finish my dissertation when my wife died. My first draft was completely finished. It actually took me another 2 years until I got to my defense. OK, that's what it took. I simply could not have gone any faster. Try to remember that your parents are trying to help even when they're not. You can also say, "no, I don't want that." They might actually hear you after 45 tries. No one you want to work with will look badly at deferment for this reason. When you're ready, you'll know.
| 0 | 13,244 | 3.5 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1grr5
|
fn1vw7s
| 1,586,561,685 | 1,586,571,373 | 8 | 35 |
I am so, so sorry. Grief is a heavy thing and it can’t be gotten over. You will learn to live with it, but you need support. I think you should defer, take some time, and care for your own health first. I am so, so sorry. I can’t even imagine. I do know that when you’re experiencing grief you should avoid making huge decisions for several months. If funding and admission is the same, don’t jump in just yet. You may feel like you’re in a fog during the first year of grieving, and I’m not sure doctoral work will help. Also think about your studies as an investment in yourself. Are you ready to invest all that’s required right now, or would you be better suited for the work after taking some time?
|
OK - first, my wife died over a decade ago. I understand your pain. It is immense. It's not going away soon. In some ways you will actually do things that others will see as "crazy." There will be times that you cannot function. That's all normal. It took me about 6 months to feel at all consistently functional. But there will also be times when you can do all right and be wanting to move forward. Like when you wrote this message to all of us. Take whatever time off you have been given. This is not giving up or giving in. Your entire psyche has been shocked badly and you cannot function at your best. You need the time to recover, even if all you want to do is bury yourself in work to distract you from the pain of it all. It sounds like both institutions are doing you a solid and giving you the time. Take it. You need it. I was trying to finish my dissertation when my wife died. My first draft was completely finished. It actually took me another 2 years until I got to my defense. OK, that's what it took. I simply could not have gone any faster. Try to remember that your parents are trying to help even when they're not. You can also say, "no, I don't want that." They might actually hear you after 45 tries. No one you want to work with will look badly at deferment for this reason. When you're ready, you'll know.
| 0 | 9,688 | 4.375 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1bz6n
|
fn1vw7s
| 1,586,558,879 | 1,586,571,373 | 6 | 35 |
I’m sorry for your loss. I know it’s not the same, but my roommate took his life while we were living together. My biggest regret wasn’t taking time away from to school to process the event.
|
OK - first, my wife died over a decade ago. I understand your pain. It is immense. It's not going away soon. In some ways you will actually do things that others will see as "crazy." There will be times that you cannot function. That's all normal. It took me about 6 months to feel at all consistently functional. But there will also be times when you can do all right and be wanting to move forward. Like when you wrote this message to all of us. Take whatever time off you have been given. This is not giving up or giving in. Your entire psyche has been shocked badly and you cannot function at your best. You need the time to recover, even if all you want to do is bury yourself in work to distract you from the pain of it all. It sounds like both institutions are doing you a solid and giving you the time. Take it. You need it. I was trying to finish my dissertation when my wife died. My first draft was completely finished. It actually took me another 2 years until I got to my defense. OK, that's what it took. I simply could not have gone any faster. Try to remember that your parents are trying to help even when they're not. You can also say, "no, I don't want that." They might actually hear you after 45 tries. No one you want to work with will look badly at deferment for this reason. When you're ready, you'll know.
| 0 | 12,494 | 5.833333 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1scjr
|
fn1vw7s
| 1,586,568,974 | 1,586,571,373 | 3 | 35 |
Your pain and how you're processing it is completely normal, both in the fact that many, many other people react this way to loss and that ultimately whatever you're feeling, however you feel you need to get through this, is fine, even if it's not the "typical." A therapist or grief counselor can help you move through this in a healthy way, which I highly recommend, but know that there are very few "wrong" ways to grieve or "wrong" reactions and there is no timeline. This sort of thing is also *exactly* what deferments are for. Take time to take care of yourself. You will of course never "get over" this, but moving through normal life again does become less painful. If you dive headlong into your grad program, you're just going to feel off kilter -- deferments and gap years are normal and acceptable if anyone even notices it in the first place, but nearly failing your first year is going to be much harder to move past. I also want to caution you about this: the world of academics and research can be cutthroat in the sort of stress it makes us put on ourselves. Especially now and always in the future, take care of yourself, too.
|
OK - first, my wife died over a decade ago. I understand your pain. It is immense. It's not going away soon. In some ways you will actually do things that others will see as "crazy." There will be times that you cannot function. That's all normal. It took me about 6 months to feel at all consistently functional. But there will also be times when you can do all right and be wanting to move forward. Like when you wrote this message to all of us. Take whatever time off you have been given. This is not giving up or giving in. Your entire psyche has been shocked badly and you cannot function at your best. You need the time to recover, even if all you want to do is bury yourself in work to distract you from the pain of it all. It sounds like both institutions are doing you a solid and giving you the time. Take it. You need it. I was trying to finish my dissertation when my wife died. My first draft was completely finished. It actually took me another 2 years until I got to my defense. OK, that's what it took. I simply could not have gone any faster. Try to remember that your parents are trying to help even when they're not. You can also say, "no, I don't want that." They might actually hear you after 45 tries. No one you want to work with will look badly at deferment for this reason. When you're ready, you'll know.
| 0 | 2,399 | 11.666667 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1vw7s
|
fn1p91s
| 1,586,571,373 | 1,586,566,947 | 35 | 1 |
OK - first, my wife died over a decade ago. I understand your pain. It is immense. It's not going away soon. In some ways you will actually do things that others will see as "crazy." There will be times that you cannot function. That's all normal. It took me about 6 months to feel at all consistently functional. But there will also be times when you can do all right and be wanting to move forward. Like when you wrote this message to all of us. Take whatever time off you have been given. This is not giving up or giving in. Your entire psyche has been shocked badly and you cannot function at your best. You need the time to recover, even if all you want to do is bury yourself in work to distract you from the pain of it all. It sounds like both institutions are doing you a solid and giving you the time. Take it. You need it. I was trying to finish my dissertation when my wife died. My first draft was completely finished. It actually took me another 2 years until I got to my defense. OK, that's what it took. I simply could not have gone any faster. Try to remember that your parents are trying to help even when they're not. You can also say, "no, I don't want that." They might actually hear you after 45 tries. No one you want to work with will look badly at deferment for this reason. When you're ready, you'll know.
|
Take time. I had to defer a semester due to a bad accident and I wish I deferred the whole year. Give yourself time to grieve and process
| 1 | 4,426 | 35 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1vw7s
|
fn1qrzl
| 1,586,571,373 | 1,586,567,944 | 35 | 1 |
OK - first, my wife died over a decade ago. I understand your pain. It is immense. It's not going away soon. In some ways you will actually do things that others will see as "crazy." There will be times that you cannot function. That's all normal. It took me about 6 months to feel at all consistently functional. But there will also be times when you can do all right and be wanting to move forward. Like when you wrote this message to all of us. Take whatever time off you have been given. This is not giving up or giving in. Your entire psyche has been shocked badly and you cannot function at your best. You need the time to recover, even if all you want to do is bury yourself in work to distract you from the pain of it all. It sounds like both institutions are doing you a solid and giving you the time. Take it. You need it. I was trying to finish my dissertation when my wife died. My first draft was completely finished. It actually took me another 2 years until I got to my defense. OK, that's what it took. I simply could not have gone any faster. Try to remember that your parents are trying to help even when they're not. You can also say, "no, I don't want that." They might actually hear you after 45 tries. No one you want to work with will look badly at deferment for this reason. When you're ready, you'll know.
|
I'm so sorry for your loss. PhD program can wait.
| 1 | 3,429 | 35 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1vw7s
|
fn1rabt
| 1,586,571,373 | 1,586,568,276 | 35 | 1 |
OK - first, my wife died over a decade ago. I understand your pain. It is immense. It's not going away soon. In some ways you will actually do things that others will see as "crazy." There will be times that you cannot function. That's all normal. It took me about 6 months to feel at all consistently functional. But there will also be times when you can do all right and be wanting to move forward. Like when you wrote this message to all of us. Take whatever time off you have been given. This is not giving up or giving in. Your entire psyche has been shocked badly and you cannot function at your best. You need the time to recover, even if all you want to do is bury yourself in work to distract you from the pain of it all. It sounds like both institutions are doing you a solid and giving you the time. Take it. You need it. I was trying to finish my dissertation when my wife died. My first draft was completely finished. It actually took me another 2 years until I got to my defense. OK, that's what it took. I simply could not have gone any faster. Try to remember that your parents are trying to help even when they're not. You can also say, "no, I don't want that." They might actually hear you after 45 tries. No one you want to work with will look badly at deferment for this reason. When you're ready, you'll know.
|
I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers with you. It is OK to grieve for your loss. Don't feel like you ought to get over it soon. Be surrounded by your family and loved ones at this tough time. Take it easy on yourself. Taking off 6 months / 1 year at this time is the best thing you can do. If possible, let your parents or a close friend handle any paperwork.
| 1 | 3,097 | 35 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1vw7s
|
fn1rld1
| 1,586,571,373 | 1,586,568,475 | 35 | 1 |
OK - first, my wife died over a decade ago. I understand your pain. It is immense. It's not going away soon. In some ways you will actually do things that others will see as "crazy." There will be times that you cannot function. That's all normal. It took me about 6 months to feel at all consistently functional. But there will also be times when you can do all right and be wanting to move forward. Like when you wrote this message to all of us. Take whatever time off you have been given. This is not giving up or giving in. Your entire psyche has been shocked badly and you cannot function at your best. You need the time to recover, even if all you want to do is bury yourself in work to distract you from the pain of it all. It sounds like both institutions are doing you a solid and giving you the time. Take it. You need it. I was trying to finish my dissertation when my wife died. My first draft was completely finished. It actually took me another 2 years until I got to my defense. OK, that's what it took. I simply could not have gone any faster. Try to remember that your parents are trying to help even when they're not. You can also say, "no, I don't want that." They might actually hear you after 45 tries. No one you want to work with will look badly at deferment for this reason. When you're ready, you'll know.
|
I'm so sorry OP. Losing a loved one is heart breaking under ordinary circumstances, but this is a lot to process. Take the year, rally and make sure you give yourself time to grieve. No one will think badly of you for this. If they do, it's a reflection on them. Keep in touch with your program once and a while over the year just to stay connected if you are up to it and want to know what is happening in the program. However, even that isn't really necessary for a deferment. Don't rush yourself. This is a lot.
| 1 | 2,898 | 35 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1vw7s
|
fn1sffk
| 1,586,571,373 | 1,586,569,026 | 35 | 1 |
OK - first, my wife died over a decade ago. I understand your pain. It is immense. It's not going away soon. In some ways you will actually do things that others will see as "crazy." There will be times that you cannot function. That's all normal. It took me about 6 months to feel at all consistently functional. But there will also be times when you can do all right and be wanting to move forward. Like when you wrote this message to all of us. Take whatever time off you have been given. This is not giving up or giving in. Your entire psyche has been shocked badly and you cannot function at your best. You need the time to recover, even if all you want to do is bury yourself in work to distract you from the pain of it all. It sounds like both institutions are doing you a solid and giving you the time. Take it. You need it. I was trying to finish my dissertation when my wife died. My first draft was completely finished. It actually took me another 2 years until I got to my defense. OK, that's what it took. I simply could not have gone any faster. Try to remember that your parents are trying to help even when they're not. You can also say, "no, I don't want that." They might actually hear you after 45 tries. No one you want to work with will look badly at deferment for this reason. When you're ready, you'll know.
|
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. It's an incredibly hard thing to go through so do what you need to do to take time to grieve; I don't think 1 month is long enough. Why is your program starting you in June? Most programs *do* have an optional summer start but this isn't a great idea in your case and doubly so with this SARS-CoV-2 business. I wouldn't start until Fall. As an aside, although I do think a deferment is the best option, you need to consult with the department about how secure your funding is. Grad students who just got offers the UofA just had their offers pulled if they didn't sign because there is a clause that says the funding is guaranteed barring "extraordinary circumstances"; this university had to invoke this clause and thus told the students that they technically still had offers but they would have no funding the first year. My only other advice is that you should not think about it as "moving on" in life. It's about carrying on like she would want you to do and about carrying on her memory through your life and work. I lost my best friend when I was in college and I felt immensely guilty about getting to pursue my BS and PhD without him but it helped me most to go through the full grieving process (going to where his ashes were scattered before I left for my program, meeting his family, having a funeral at school with his friends) and to not ignore my emotions for the sake of my work. Seven years later it still affects me when I think about how we were supposed to do a PhD together but instead of falling into despair, it carries me through the hard times in my program because I now feel as if I'm getting this PhD for the both of us. One day I think you too will be able to reach the same point but for now just take it day by day and know that everything you're feeling is normal and okay.
| 1 | 2,347 | 35 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1b6oh
|
fn1anp9
| 1,586,558,429 | 1,586,558,129 | 27 | 10 |
I'm so sorry for your loss. I have also asked for a deferment, but it's due to a loss in my family. No one will look down on you for making this choice. I had felt guilty about asking for a deferment, but was then told it was a mature decision from the PI I applied to. Take this time to be with your family and just grieve. Again, I am so sorry this happened. Take care.
|
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. There's no shame at all in taking time off to process your emotions. Trying to push on may only hurt you in the end if you don't take the time to deal with this.
| 1 | 300 | 2.7 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1tin8
|
fn1anp9
| 1,586,569,746 | 1,586,558,129 | 25 | 10 |
Deferment is not a bad idea, in fact, I'd say it's a GREAT option. The only people that would possibly care about this deferment (or a gap year) is a PhD program. If you show up to the PhD program and are still a mess it is hard (not impossible) to recover from. My dad died unexpectedly two months before my PhD program started and I wish I would have deferred for a year. I was a mess and I can only imagine you're worse off.
|
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. There's no shame at all in taking time off to process your emotions. Trying to push on may only hurt you in the end if you don't take the time to deal with this.
| 1 | 11,617 | 2.5 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1tin8
|
fn1grr5
| 1,586,569,746 | 1,586,561,685 | 25 | 8 |
Deferment is not a bad idea, in fact, I'd say it's a GREAT option. The only people that would possibly care about this deferment (or a gap year) is a PhD program. If you show up to the PhD program and are still a mess it is hard (not impossible) to recover from. My dad died unexpectedly two months before my PhD program started and I wish I would have deferred for a year. I was a mess and I can only imagine you're worse off.
|
I am so, so sorry. Grief is a heavy thing and it can’t be gotten over. You will learn to live with it, but you need support. I think you should defer, take some time, and care for your own health first. I am so, so sorry. I can’t even imagine. I do know that when you’re experiencing grief you should avoid making huge decisions for several months. If funding and admission is the same, don’t jump in just yet. You may feel like you’re in a fog during the first year of grieving, and I’m not sure doctoral work will help. Also think about your studies as an investment in yourself. Are you ready to invest all that’s required right now, or would you be better suited for the work after taking some time?
| 1 | 8,061 | 3.125 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1bz6n
|
fn1tin8
| 1,586,558,879 | 1,586,569,746 | 6 | 25 |
I’m sorry for your loss. I know it’s not the same, but my roommate took his life while we were living together. My biggest regret wasn’t taking time away from to school to process the event.
|
Deferment is not a bad idea, in fact, I'd say it's a GREAT option. The only people that would possibly care about this deferment (or a gap year) is a PhD program. If you show up to the PhD program and are still a mess it is hard (not impossible) to recover from. My dad died unexpectedly two months before my PhD program started and I wish I would have deferred for a year. I was a mess and I can only imagine you're worse off.
| 0 | 10,867 | 4.166667 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1scjr
|
fn1tin8
| 1,586,568,974 | 1,586,569,746 | 3 | 25 |
Your pain and how you're processing it is completely normal, both in the fact that many, many other people react this way to loss and that ultimately whatever you're feeling, however you feel you need to get through this, is fine, even if it's not the "typical." A therapist or grief counselor can help you move through this in a healthy way, which I highly recommend, but know that there are very few "wrong" ways to grieve or "wrong" reactions and there is no timeline. This sort of thing is also *exactly* what deferments are for. Take time to take care of yourself. You will of course never "get over" this, but moving through normal life again does become less painful. If you dive headlong into your grad program, you're just going to feel off kilter -- deferments and gap years are normal and acceptable if anyone even notices it in the first place, but nearly failing your first year is going to be much harder to move past. I also want to caution you about this: the world of academics and research can be cutthroat in the sort of stress it makes us put on ourselves. Especially now and always in the future, take care of yourself, too.
|
Deferment is not a bad idea, in fact, I'd say it's a GREAT option. The only people that would possibly care about this deferment (or a gap year) is a PhD program. If you show up to the PhD program and are still a mess it is hard (not impossible) to recover from. My dad died unexpectedly two months before my PhD program started and I wish I would have deferred for a year. I was a mess and I can only imagine you're worse off.
| 0 | 772 | 8.333333 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1p91s
|
fn1tin8
| 1,586,566,947 | 1,586,569,746 | 1 | 25 |
Take time. I had to defer a semester due to a bad accident and I wish I deferred the whole year. Give yourself time to grieve and process
|
Deferment is not a bad idea, in fact, I'd say it's a GREAT option. The only people that would possibly care about this deferment (or a gap year) is a PhD program. If you show up to the PhD program and are still a mess it is hard (not impossible) to recover from. My dad died unexpectedly two months before my PhD program started and I wish I would have deferred for a year. I was a mess and I can only imagine you're worse off.
| 0 | 2,799 | 25 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1qrzl
|
fn1tin8
| 1,586,567,944 | 1,586,569,746 | 1 | 25 |
I'm so sorry for your loss. PhD program can wait.
|
Deferment is not a bad idea, in fact, I'd say it's a GREAT option. The only people that would possibly care about this deferment (or a gap year) is a PhD program. If you show up to the PhD program and are still a mess it is hard (not impossible) to recover from. My dad died unexpectedly two months before my PhD program started and I wish I would have deferred for a year. I was a mess and I can only imagine you're worse off.
| 0 | 1,802 | 25 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1rabt
|
fn1tin8
| 1,586,568,276 | 1,586,569,746 | 1 | 25 |
I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers with you. It is OK to grieve for your loss. Don't feel like you ought to get over it soon. Be surrounded by your family and loved ones at this tough time. Take it easy on yourself. Taking off 6 months / 1 year at this time is the best thing you can do. If possible, let your parents or a close friend handle any paperwork.
|
Deferment is not a bad idea, in fact, I'd say it's a GREAT option. The only people that would possibly care about this deferment (or a gap year) is a PhD program. If you show up to the PhD program and are still a mess it is hard (not impossible) to recover from. My dad died unexpectedly two months before my PhD program started and I wish I would have deferred for a year. I was a mess and I can only imagine you're worse off.
| 0 | 1,470 | 25 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1rld1
|
fn1tin8
| 1,586,568,475 | 1,586,569,746 | 1 | 25 |
I'm so sorry OP. Losing a loved one is heart breaking under ordinary circumstances, but this is a lot to process. Take the year, rally and make sure you give yourself time to grieve. No one will think badly of you for this. If they do, it's a reflection on them. Keep in touch with your program once and a while over the year just to stay connected if you are up to it and want to know what is happening in the program. However, even that isn't really necessary for a deferment. Don't rush yourself. This is a lot.
|
Deferment is not a bad idea, in fact, I'd say it's a GREAT option. The only people that would possibly care about this deferment (or a gap year) is a PhD program. If you show up to the PhD program and are still a mess it is hard (not impossible) to recover from. My dad died unexpectedly two months before my PhD program started and I wish I would have deferred for a year. I was a mess and I can only imagine you're worse off.
| 0 | 1,271 | 25 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1sffk
|
fn1tin8
| 1,586,569,026 | 1,586,569,746 | 1 | 25 |
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. It's an incredibly hard thing to go through so do what you need to do to take time to grieve; I don't think 1 month is long enough. Why is your program starting you in June? Most programs *do* have an optional summer start but this isn't a great idea in your case and doubly so with this SARS-CoV-2 business. I wouldn't start until Fall. As an aside, although I do think a deferment is the best option, you need to consult with the department about how secure your funding is. Grad students who just got offers the UofA just had their offers pulled if they didn't sign because there is a clause that says the funding is guaranteed barring "extraordinary circumstances"; this university had to invoke this clause and thus told the students that they technically still had offers but they would have no funding the first year. My only other advice is that you should not think about it as "moving on" in life. It's about carrying on like she would want you to do and about carrying on her memory through your life and work. I lost my best friend when I was in college and I felt immensely guilty about getting to pursue my BS and PhD without him but it helped me most to go through the full grieving process (going to where his ashes were scattered before I left for my program, meeting his family, having a funeral at school with his friends) and to not ignore my emotions for the sake of my work. Seven years later it still affects me when I think about how we were supposed to do a PhD together but instead of falling into despair, it carries me through the hard times in my program because I now feel as if I'm getting this PhD for the both of us. One day I think you too will be able to reach the same point but for now just take it day by day and know that everything you're feeling is normal and okay.
|
Deferment is not a bad idea, in fact, I'd say it's a GREAT option. The only people that would possibly care about this deferment (or a gap year) is a PhD program. If you show up to the PhD program and are still a mess it is hard (not impossible) to recover from. My dad died unexpectedly two months before my PhD program started and I wish I would have deferred for a year. I was a mess and I can only imagine you're worse off.
| 0 | 720 | 25 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1anp9
|
fn1xh7b
| 1,586,558,129 | 1,586,572,480 | 10 | 17 |
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. There's no shame at all in taking time off to process your emotions. Trying to push on may only hurt you in the end if you don't take the time to deal with this.
|
I’ll tell you what one of the most badass amazing scientists (tenured professor and leader in her field) I know told me, about taking a leave after my mother died last summer: it is seen as strength to know your limits and much better to concede to self care, rather than push forward and 1-not be all in, or worse 2-crash and burn. Truly, immense grief is very hard, and grad school is very hard, face one at a time. And last but certainly not least, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I don’t know how your undergrad institution is, but I hope they could meet you where you’re at and help you during this unimaginatively difficult time <3
| 0 | 14,351 | 1.7 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1grr5
|
fn1xh7b
| 1,586,561,685 | 1,586,572,480 | 8 | 17 |
I am so, so sorry. Grief is a heavy thing and it can’t be gotten over. You will learn to live with it, but you need support. I think you should defer, take some time, and care for your own health first. I am so, so sorry. I can’t even imagine. I do know that when you’re experiencing grief you should avoid making huge decisions for several months. If funding and admission is the same, don’t jump in just yet. You may feel like you’re in a fog during the first year of grieving, and I’m not sure doctoral work will help. Also think about your studies as an investment in yourself. Are you ready to invest all that’s required right now, or would you be better suited for the work after taking some time?
|
I’ll tell you what one of the most badass amazing scientists (tenured professor and leader in her field) I know told me, about taking a leave after my mother died last summer: it is seen as strength to know your limits and much better to concede to self care, rather than push forward and 1-not be all in, or worse 2-crash and burn. Truly, immense grief is very hard, and grad school is very hard, face one at a time. And last but certainly not least, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I don’t know how your undergrad institution is, but I hope they could meet you where you’re at and help you during this unimaginatively difficult time <3
| 0 | 10,795 | 2.125 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1xh7b
|
fn1bz6n
| 1,586,572,480 | 1,586,558,879 | 17 | 6 |
I’ll tell you what one of the most badass amazing scientists (tenured professor and leader in her field) I know told me, about taking a leave after my mother died last summer: it is seen as strength to know your limits and much better to concede to self care, rather than push forward and 1-not be all in, or worse 2-crash and burn. Truly, immense grief is very hard, and grad school is very hard, face one at a time. And last but certainly not least, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I don’t know how your undergrad institution is, but I hope they could meet you where you’re at and help you during this unimaginatively difficult time <3
|
I’m sorry for your loss. I know it’s not the same, but my roommate took his life while we were living together. My biggest regret wasn’t taking time away from to school to process the event.
| 1 | 13,601 | 2.833333 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1scjr
|
fn1xh7b
| 1,586,568,974 | 1,586,572,480 | 3 | 17 |
Your pain and how you're processing it is completely normal, both in the fact that many, many other people react this way to loss and that ultimately whatever you're feeling, however you feel you need to get through this, is fine, even if it's not the "typical." A therapist or grief counselor can help you move through this in a healthy way, which I highly recommend, but know that there are very few "wrong" ways to grieve or "wrong" reactions and there is no timeline. This sort of thing is also *exactly* what deferments are for. Take time to take care of yourself. You will of course never "get over" this, but moving through normal life again does become less painful. If you dive headlong into your grad program, you're just going to feel off kilter -- deferments and gap years are normal and acceptable if anyone even notices it in the first place, but nearly failing your first year is going to be much harder to move past. I also want to caution you about this: the world of academics and research can be cutthroat in the sort of stress it makes us put on ourselves. Especially now and always in the future, take care of yourself, too.
|
I’ll tell you what one of the most badass amazing scientists (tenured professor and leader in her field) I know told me, about taking a leave after my mother died last summer: it is seen as strength to know your limits and much better to concede to self care, rather than push forward and 1-not be all in, or worse 2-crash and burn. Truly, immense grief is very hard, and grad school is very hard, face one at a time. And last but certainly not least, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I don’t know how your undergrad institution is, but I hope they could meet you where you’re at and help you during this unimaginatively difficult time <3
| 0 | 3,506 | 5.666667 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1p91s
|
fn1xh7b
| 1,586,566,947 | 1,586,572,480 | 1 | 17 |
Take time. I had to defer a semester due to a bad accident and I wish I deferred the whole year. Give yourself time to grieve and process
|
I’ll tell you what one of the most badass amazing scientists (tenured professor and leader in her field) I know told me, about taking a leave after my mother died last summer: it is seen as strength to know your limits and much better to concede to self care, rather than push forward and 1-not be all in, or worse 2-crash and burn. Truly, immense grief is very hard, and grad school is very hard, face one at a time. And last but certainly not least, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I don’t know how your undergrad institution is, but I hope they could meet you where you’re at and help you during this unimaginatively difficult time <3
| 0 | 5,533 | 17 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1qrzl
|
fn1xh7b
| 1,586,567,944 | 1,586,572,480 | 1 | 17 |
I'm so sorry for your loss. PhD program can wait.
|
I’ll tell you what one of the most badass amazing scientists (tenured professor and leader in her field) I know told me, about taking a leave after my mother died last summer: it is seen as strength to know your limits and much better to concede to self care, rather than push forward and 1-not be all in, or worse 2-crash and burn. Truly, immense grief is very hard, and grad school is very hard, face one at a time. And last but certainly not least, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I don’t know how your undergrad institution is, but I hope they could meet you where you’re at and help you during this unimaginatively difficult time <3
| 0 | 4,536 | 17 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1rabt
|
fn1xh7b
| 1,586,568,276 | 1,586,572,480 | 1 | 17 |
I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers with you. It is OK to grieve for your loss. Don't feel like you ought to get over it soon. Be surrounded by your family and loved ones at this tough time. Take it easy on yourself. Taking off 6 months / 1 year at this time is the best thing you can do. If possible, let your parents or a close friend handle any paperwork.
|
I’ll tell you what one of the most badass amazing scientists (tenured professor and leader in her field) I know told me, about taking a leave after my mother died last summer: it is seen as strength to know your limits and much better to concede to self care, rather than push forward and 1-not be all in, or worse 2-crash and burn. Truly, immense grief is very hard, and grad school is very hard, face one at a time. And last but certainly not least, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I don’t know how your undergrad institution is, but I hope they could meet you where you’re at and help you during this unimaginatively difficult time <3
| 0 | 4,204 | 17 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1rld1
|
fn1xh7b
| 1,586,568,475 | 1,586,572,480 | 1 | 17 |
I'm so sorry OP. Losing a loved one is heart breaking under ordinary circumstances, but this is a lot to process. Take the year, rally and make sure you give yourself time to grieve. No one will think badly of you for this. If they do, it's a reflection on them. Keep in touch with your program once and a while over the year just to stay connected if you are up to it and want to know what is happening in the program. However, even that isn't really necessary for a deferment. Don't rush yourself. This is a lot.
|
I’ll tell you what one of the most badass amazing scientists (tenured professor and leader in her field) I know told me, about taking a leave after my mother died last summer: it is seen as strength to know your limits and much better to concede to self care, rather than push forward and 1-not be all in, or worse 2-crash and burn. Truly, immense grief is very hard, and grad school is very hard, face one at a time. And last but certainly not least, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I don’t know how your undergrad institution is, but I hope they could meet you where you’re at and help you during this unimaginatively difficult time <3
| 0 | 4,005 | 17 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1xh7b
|
fn1sffk
| 1,586,572,480 | 1,586,569,026 | 17 | 1 |
I’ll tell you what one of the most badass amazing scientists (tenured professor and leader in her field) I know told me, about taking a leave after my mother died last summer: it is seen as strength to know your limits and much better to concede to self care, rather than push forward and 1-not be all in, or worse 2-crash and burn. Truly, immense grief is very hard, and grad school is very hard, face one at a time. And last but certainly not least, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I don’t know how your undergrad institution is, but I hope they could meet you where you’re at and help you during this unimaginatively difficult time <3
|
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. It's an incredibly hard thing to go through so do what you need to do to take time to grieve; I don't think 1 month is long enough. Why is your program starting you in June? Most programs *do* have an optional summer start but this isn't a great idea in your case and doubly so with this SARS-CoV-2 business. I wouldn't start until Fall. As an aside, although I do think a deferment is the best option, you need to consult with the department about how secure your funding is. Grad students who just got offers the UofA just had their offers pulled if they didn't sign because there is a clause that says the funding is guaranteed barring "extraordinary circumstances"; this university had to invoke this clause and thus told the students that they technically still had offers but they would have no funding the first year. My only other advice is that you should not think about it as "moving on" in life. It's about carrying on like she would want you to do and about carrying on her memory through your life and work. I lost my best friend when I was in college and I felt immensely guilty about getting to pursue my BS and PhD without him but it helped me most to go through the full grieving process (going to where his ashes were scattered before I left for my program, meeting his family, having a funeral at school with his friends) and to not ignore my emotions for the sake of my work. Seven years later it still affects me when I think about how we were supposed to do a PhD together but instead of falling into despair, it carries me through the hard times in my program because I now feel as if I'm getting this PhD for the both of us. One day I think you too will be able to reach the same point but for now just take it day by day and know that everything you're feeling is normal and okay.
| 1 | 3,454 | 17 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1bz6n
|
fn1grr5
| 1,586,558,879 | 1,586,561,685 | 6 | 8 |
I’m sorry for your loss. I know it’s not the same, but my roommate took his life while we were living together. My biggest regret wasn’t taking time away from to school to process the event.
|
I am so, so sorry. Grief is a heavy thing and it can’t be gotten over. You will learn to live with it, but you need support. I think you should defer, take some time, and care for your own health first. I am so, so sorry. I can’t even imagine. I do know that when you’re experiencing grief you should avoid making huge decisions for several months. If funding and admission is the same, don’t jump in just yet. You may feel like you’re in a fog during the first year of grieving, and I’m not sure doctoral work will help. Also think about your studies as an investment in yourself. Are you ready to invest all that’s required right now, or would you be better suited for the work after taking some time?
| 0 | 2,806 | 1.333333 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1p91s
|
fn1scjr
| 1,586,566,947 | 1,586,568,974 | 1 | 3 |
Take time. I had to defer a semester due to a bad accident and I wish I deferred the whole year. Give yourself time to grieve and process
|
Your pain and how you're processing it is completely normal, both in the fact that many, many other people react this way to loss and that ultimately whatever you're feeling, however you feel you need to get through this, is fine, even if it's not the "typical." A therapist or grief counselor can help you move through this in a healthy way, which I highly recommend, but know that there are very few "wrong" ways to grieve or "wrong" reactions and there is no timeline. This sort of thing is also *exactly* what deferments are for. Take time to take care of yourself. You will of course never "get over" this, but moving through normal life again does become less painful. If you dive headlong into your grad program, you're just going to feel off kilter -- deferments and gap years are normal and acceptable if anyone even notices it in the first place, but nearly failing your first year is going to be much harder to move past. I also want to caution you about this: the world of academics and research can be cutthroat in the sort of stress it makes us put on ourselves. Especially now and always in the future, take care of yourself, too.
| 0 | 2,027 | 3 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1scjr
|
fn1qrzl
| 1,586,568,974 | 1,586,567,944 | 3 | 1 |
Your pain and how you're processing it is completely normal, both in the fact that many, many other people react this way to loss and that ultimately whatever you're feeling, however you feel you need to get through this, is fine, even if it's not the "typical." A therapist or grief counselor can help you move through this in a healthy way, which I highly recommend, but know that there are very few "wrong" ways to grieve or "wrong" reactions and there is no timeline. This sort of thing is also *exactly* what deferments are for. Take time to take care of yourself. You will of course never "get over" this, but moving through normal life again does become less painful. If you dive headlong into your grad program, you're just going to feel off kilter -- deferments and gap years are normal and acceptable if anyone even notices it in the first place, but nearly failing your first year is going to be much harder to move past. I also want to caution you about this: the world of academics and research can be cutthroat in the sort of stress it makes us put on ourselves. Especially now and always in the future, take care of yourself, too.
|
I'm so sorry for your loss. PhD program can wait.
| 1 | 1,030 | 3 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1rabt
|
fn1scjr
| 1,586,568,276 | 1,586,568,974 | 1 | 3 |
I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers with you. It is OK to grieve for your loss. Don't feel like you ought to get over it soon. Be surrounded by your family and loved ones at this tough time. Take it easy on yourself. Taking off 6 months / 1 year at this time is the best thing you can do. If possible, let your parents or a close friend handle any paperwork.
|
Your pain and how you're processing it is completely normal, both in the fact that many, many other people react this way to loss and that ultimately whatever you're feeling, however you feel you need to get through this, is fine, even if it's not the "typical." A therapist or grief counselor can help you move through this in a healthy way, which I highly recommend, but know that there are very few "wrong" ways to grieve or "wrong" reactions and there is no timeline. This sort of thing is also *exactly* what deferments are for. Take time to take care of yourself. You will of course never "get over" this, but moving through normal life again does become less painful. If you dive headlong into your grad program, you're just going to feel off kilter -- deferments and gap years are normal and acceptable if anyone even notices it in the first place, but nearly failing your first year is going to be much harder to move past. I also want to caution you about this: the world of academics and research can be cutthroat in the sort of stress it makes us put on ourselves. Especially now and always in the future, take care of yourself, too.
| 0 | 698 | 3 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1scjr
|
fn1rld1
| 1,586,568,974 | 1,586,568,475 | 3 | 1 |
Your pain and how you're processing it is completely normal, both in the fact that many, many other people react this way to loss and that ultimately whatever you're feeling, however you feel you need to get through this, is fine, even if it's not the "typical." A therapist or grief counselor can help you move through this in a healthy way, which I highly recommend, but know that there are very few "wrong" ways to grieve or "wrong" reactions and there is no timeline. This sort of thing is also *exactly* what deferments are for. Take time to take care of yourself. You will of course never "get over" this, but moving through normal life again does become less painful. If you dive headlong into your grad program, you're just going to feel off kilter -- deferments and gap years are normal and acceptable if anyone even notices it in the first place, but nearly failing your first year is going to be much harder to move past. I also want to caution you about this: the world of academics and research can be cutthroat in the sort of stress it makes us put on ourselves. Especially now and always in the future, take care of yourself, too.
|
I'm so sorry OP. Losing a loved one is heart breaking under ordinary circumstances, but this is a lot to process. Take the year, rally and make sure you give yourself time to grieve. No one will think badly of you for this. If they do, it's a reflection on them. Keep in touch with your program once and a while over the year just to stay connected if you are up to it and want to know what is happening in the program. However, even that isn't really necessary for a deferment. Don't rush yourself. This is a lot.
| 1 | 499 | 3 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1p91s
|
fn1z2qy
| 1,586,566,947 | 1,586,573,628 | 1 | 2 |
Take time. I had to defer a semester due to a bad accident and I wish I deferred the whole year. Give yourself time to grieve and process
|
I always recommend, if possible, that people take a year off (at least) between undergrad and PhD. There’s no reason to rush straight through and taking time off helps avoid burnout. In your case, with an offer to defer and keep your position, absolutely do this. You need time and I can tell you from experience that the first year of grieving is particularly rough. Your PhD program will still be there for you. Take time to grieve and accept the support of your family.
| 0 | 6,681 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1qrzl
|
fn1z2qy
| 1,586,567,944 | 1,586,573,628 | 1 | 2 |
I'm so sorry for your loss. PhD program can wait.
|
I always recommend, if possible, that people take a year off (at least) between undergrad and PhD. There’s no reason to rush straight through and taking time off helps avoid burnout. In your case, with an offer to defer and keep your position, absolutely do this. You need time and I can tell you from experience that the first year of grieving is particularly rough. Your PhD program will still be there for you. Take time to grieve and accept the support of your family.
| 0 | 5,684 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1rabt
|
fn1z2qy
| 1,586,568,276 | 1,586,573,628 | 1 | 2 |
I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers with you. It is OK to grieve for your loss. Don't feel like you ought to get over it soon. Be surrounded by your family and loved ones at this tough time. Take it easy on yourself. Taking off 6 months / 1 year at this time is the best thing you can do. If possible, let your parents or a close friend handle any paperwork.
|
I always recommend, if possible, that people take a year off (at least) between undergrad and PhD. There’s no reason to rush straight through and taking time off helps avoid burnout. In your case, with an offer to defer and keep your position, absolutely do this. You need time and I can tell you from experience that the first year of grieving is particularly rough. Your PhD program will still be there for you. Take time to grieve and accept the support of your family.
| 0 | 5,352 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1rld1
|
fn1z2qy
| 1,586,568,475 | 1,586,573,628 | 1 | 2 |
I'm so sorry OP. Losing a loved one is heart breaking under ordinary circumstances, but this is a lot to process. Take the year, rally and make sure you give yourself time to grieve. No one will think badly of you for this. If they do, it's a reflection on them. Keep in touch with your program once and a while over the year just to stay connected if you are up to it and want to know what is happening in the program. However, even that isn't really necessary for a deferment. Don't rush yourself. This is a lot.
|
I always recommend, if possible, that people take a year off (at least) between undergrad and PhD. There’s no reason to rush straight through and taking time off helps avoid burnout. In your case, with an offer to defer and keep your position, absolutely do this. You need time and I can tell you from experience that the first year of grieving is particularly rough. Your PhD program will still be there for you. Take time to grieve and accept the support of your family.
| 0 | 5,153 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1sffk
|
fn1z2qy
| 1,586,569,026 | 1,586,573,628 | 1 | 2 |
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. It's an incredibly hard thing to go through so do what you need to do to take time to grieve; I don't think 1 month is long enough. Why is your program starting you in June? Most programs *do* have an optional summer start but this isn't a great idea in your case and doubly so with this SARS-CoV-2 business. I wouldn't start until Fall. As an aside, although I do think a deferment is the best option, you need to consult with the department about how secure your funding is. Grad students who just got offers the UofA just had their offers pulled if they didn't sign because there is a clause that says the funding is guaranteed barring "extraordinary circumstances"; this university had to invoke this clause and thus told the students that they technically still had offers but they would have no funding the first year. My only other advice is that you should not think about it as "moving on" in life. It's about carrying on like she would want you to do and about carrying on her memory through your life and work. I lost my best friend when I was in college and I felt immensely guilty about getting to pursue my BS and PhD without him but it helped me most to go through the full grieving process (going to where his ashes were scattered before I left for my program, meeting his family, having a funeral at school with his friends) and to not ignore my emotions for the sake of my work. Seven years later it still affects me when I think about how we were supposed to do a PhD together but instead of falling into despair, it carries me through the hard times in my program because I now feel as if I'm getting this PhD for the both of us. One day I think you too will be able to reach the same point but for now just take it day by day and know that everything you're feeling is normal and okay.
|
I always recommend, if possible, that people take a year off (at least) between undergrad and PhD. There’s no reason to rush straight through and taking time off helps avoid burnout. In your case, with an offer to defer and keep your position, absolutely do this. You need time and I can tell you from experience that the first year of grieving is particularly rough. Your PhD program will still be there for you. Take time to grieve and accept the support of your family.
| 0 | 4,602 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn2cmoo
|
fn1p91s
| 1,586,584,452 | 1,586,566,947 | 2 | 1 |
My heart goes out to you. What I've slowly learned (I'm 24) is that no one but you knows what's best for you. Listening to others against your own judgement just screws you over. This is particularly hard with parents. But at the end of the day, you drive your life, and are responsible for it. No one else. Therefore, no one else can offer you anything but advice and must accept your choices, just as you have to accept theirs. I hope this helped. Peace and love to you.
|
Take time. I had to defer a semester due to a bad accident and I wish I deferred the whole year. Give yourself time to grieve and process
| 1 | 17,505 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1qrzl
|
fn2cmoo
| 1,586,567,944 | 1,586,584,452 | 1 | 2 |
I'm so sorry for your loss. PhD program can wait.
|
My heart goes out to you. What I've slowly learned (I'm 24) is that no one but you knows what's best for you. Listening to others against your own judgement just screws you over. This is particularly hard with parents. But at the end of the day, you drive your life, and are responsible for it. No one else. Therefore, no one else can offer you anything but advice and must accept your choices, just as you have to accept theirs. I hope this helped. Peace and love to you.
| 0 | 16,508 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1rabt
|
fn2cmoo
| 1,586,568,276 | 1,586,584,452 | 1 | 2 |
I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers with you. It is OK to grieve for your loss. Don't feel like you ought to get over it soon. Be surrounded by your family and loved ones at this tough time. Take it easy on yourself. Taking off 6 months / 1 year at this time is the best thing you can do. If possible, let your parents or a close friend handle any paperwork.
|
My heart goes out to you. What I've slowly learned (I'm 24) is that no one but you knows what's best for you. Listening to others against your own judgement just screws you over. This is particularly hard with parents. But at the end of the day, you drive your life, and are responsible for it. No one else. Therefore, no one else can offer you anything but advice and must accept your choices, just as you have to accept theirs. I hope this helped. Peace and love to you.
| 0 | 16,176 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn2cmoo
|
fn1rld1
| 1,586,584,452 | 1,586,568,475 | 2 | 1 |
My heart goes out to you. What I've slowly learned (I'm 24) is that no one but you knows what's best for you. Listening to others against your own judgement just screws you over. This is particularly hard with parents. But at the end of the day, you drive your life, and are responsible for it. No one else. Therefore, no one else can offer you anything but advice and must accept your choices, just as you have to accept theirs. I hope this helped. Peace and love to you.
|
I'm so sorry OP. Losing a loved one is heart breaking under ordinary circumstances, but this is a lot to process. Take the year, rally and make sure you give yourself time to grieve. No one will think badly of you for this. If they do, it's a reflection on them. Keep in touch with your program once and a while over the year just to stay connected if you are up to it and want to know what is happening in the program. However, even that isn't really necessary for a deferment. Don't rush yourself. This is a lot.
| 1 | 15,977 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1sffk
|
fn2cmoo
| 1,586,569,026 | 1,586,584,452 | 1 | 2 |
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. It's an incredibly hard thing to go through so do what you need to do to take time to grieve; I don't think 1 month is long enough. Why is your program starting you in June? Most programs *do* have an optional summer start but this isn't a great idea in your case and doubly so with this SARS-CoV-2 business. I wouldn't start until Fall. As an aside, although I do think a deferment is the best option, you need to consult with the department about how secure your funding is. Grad students who just got offers the UofA just had their offers pulled if they didn't sign because there is a clause that says the funding is guaranteed barring "extraordinary circumstances"; this university had to invoke this clause and thus told the students that they technically still had offers but they would have no funding the first year. My only other advice is that you should not think about it as "moving on" in life. It's about carrying on like she would want you to do and about carrying on her memory through your life and work. I lost my best friend when I was in college and I felt immensely guilty about getting to pursue my BS and PhD without him but it helped me most to go through the full grieving process (going to where his ashes were scattered before I left for my program, meeting his family, having a funeral at school with his friends) and to not ignore my emotions for the sake of my work. Seven years later it still affects me when I think about how we were supposed to do a PhD together but instead of falling into despair, it carries me through the hard times in my program because I now feel as if I'm getting this PhD for the both of us. One day I think you too will be able to reach the same point but for now just take it day by day and know that everything you're feeling is normal and okay.
|
My heart goes out to you. What I've slowly learned (I'm 24) is that no one but you knows what's best for you. Listening to others against your own judgement just screws you over. This is particularly hard with parents. But at the end of the day, you drive your life, and are responsible for it. No one else. Therefore, no one else can offer you anything but advice and must accept your choices, just as you have to accept theirs. I hope this helped. Peace and love to you.
| 0 | 15,426 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn218nk
|
fn2cmoo
| 1,586,575,195 | 1,586,584,452 | 1 | 2 |
I'm sorry for your loss, and since your funding is okay. You can take an year off to go through things. Don;t worry the break won't appear anywhere. Simply the date you start the PhD would change. Talk to your department and PI as well.
|
My heart goes out to you. What I've slowly learned (I'm 24) is that no one but you knows what's best for you. Listening to others against your own judgement just screws you over. This is particularly hard with parents. But at the end of the day, you drive your life, and are responsible for it. No one else. Therefore, no one else can offer you anything but advice and must accept your choices, just as you have to accept theirs. I hope this helped. Peace and love to you.
| 0 | 9,257 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn25h8g
|
fn2cmoo
| 1,586,578,383 | 1,586,584,452 | 1 | 2 |
You can get a PhD and still be human. Take your time, take care of yourself and come back later if you feel like it.
|
My heart goes out to you. What I've slowly learned (I'm 24) is that no one but you knows what's best for you. Listening to others against your own judgement just screws you over. This is particularly hard with parents. But at the end of the day, you drive your life, and are responsible for it. No one else. Therefore, no one else can offer you anything but advice and must accept your choices, just as you have to accept theirs. I hope this helped. Peace and love to you.
| 0 | 6,069 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn2cmoo
|
fn2827h
| 1,586,584,452 | 1,586,580,474 | 2 | 1 |
My heart goes out to you. What I've slowly learned (I'm 24) is that no one but you knows what's best for you. Listening to others against your own judgement just screws you over. This is particularly hard with parents. But at the end of the day, you drive your life, and are responsible for it. No one else. Therefore, no one else can offer you anything but advice and must accept your choices, just as you have to accept theirs. I hope this helped. Peace and love to you.
|
I think anyone should understand that you want to defer your graduate program because your fiancee died, and you need time to grieve. If any academic program is not understanding of that, then they are probably not people you want to work for anyway. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
| 1 | 3,978 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn2ant0
|
fn2cmoo
| 1,586,582,700 | 1,586,584,452 | 1 | 2 |
I am sorry for your loss. Please do take time away for yourself and spend it with your loved ones. Dreams and aspirations have meaning if you have people to share them with. Take this time off to grieve and find yourself again. Regardless your choice, she’ll be proud of your decision.
|
My heart goes out to you. What I've slowly learned (I'm 24) is that no one but you knows what's best for you. Listening to others against your own judgement just screws you over. This is particularly hard with parents. But at the end of the day, you drive your life, and are responsible for it. No one else. Therefore, no one else can offer you anything but advice and must accept your choices, just as you have to accept theirs. I hope this helped. Peace and love to you.
| 0 | 1,752 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn2jgsu
|
fn1p91s
| 1,586,591,257 | 1,586,566,947 | 2 | 1 |
I have no advice about academia to offer, but you will need to mark the passing of your partner, and although everyone is different, I don't think many people could just pick up their lives again in a few weeks. I lost my partner at the end of 2018 and found the grief recovery process handbook very helpful. One of the things that teaches you is to look at the things you have been taught about grief and loss and to examine them. It is difficult to assert yourself when you have suffered a loss like this because decision making is often very difficult, but I hope you take strength from the unanimous opinion here and give yourself time to adjust to your new normal. You may never "get over" this loss, but the hurt and emotion from it will lessen over time, and you will be able to return to your studies much more equipped to face the future if you give yourself space now.
|
Take time. I had to defer a semester due to a bad accident and I wish I deferred the whole year. Give yourself time to grieve and process
| 1 | 24,310 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn2jgsu
|
fn1qrzl
| 1,586,591,257 | 1,586,567,944 | 2 | 1 |
I have no advice about academia to offer, but you will need to mark the passing of your partner, and although everyone is different, I don't think many people could just pick up their lives again in a few weeks. I lost my partner at the end of 2018 and found the grief recovery process handbook very helpful. One of the things that teaches you is to look at the things you have been taught about grief and loss and to examine them. It is difficult to assert yourself when you have suffered a loss like this because decision making is often very difficult, but I hope you take strength from the unanimous opinion here and give yourself time to adjust to your new normal. You may never "get over" this loss, but the hurt and emotion from it will lessen over time, and you will be able to return to your studies much more equipped to face the future if you give yourself space now.
|
I'm so sorry for your loss. PhD program can wait.
| 1 | 23,313 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn2jgsu
|
fn1rabt
| 1,586,591,257 | 1,586,568,276 | 2 | 1 |
I have no advice about academia to offer, but you will need to mark the passing of your partner, and although everyone is different, I don't think many people could just pick up their lives again in a few weeks. I lost my partner at the end of 2018 and found the grief recovery process handbook very helpful. One of the things that teaches you is to look at the things you have been taught about grief and loss and to examine them. It is difficult to assert yourself when you have suffered a loss like this because decision making is often very difficult, but I hope you take strength from the unanimous opinion here and give yourself time to adjust to your new normal. You may never "get over" this loss, but the hurt and emotion from it will lessen over time, and you will be able to return to your studies much more equipped to face the future if you give yourself space now.
|
I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers with you. It is OK to grieve for your loss. Don't feel like you ought to get over it soon. Be surrounded by your family and loved ones at this tough time. Take it easy on yourself. Taking off 6 months / 1 year at this time is the best thing you can do. If possible, let your parents or a close friend handle any paperwork.
| 1 | 22,981 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1rld1
|
fn2jgsu
| 1,586,568,475 | 1,586,591,257 | 1 | 2 |
I'm so sorry OP. Losing a loved one is heart breaking under ordinary circumstances, but this is a lot to process. Take the year, rally and make sure you give yourself time to grieve. No one will think badly of you for this. If they do, it's a reflection on them. Keep in touch with your program once and a while over the year just to stay connected if you are up to it and want to know what is happening in the program. However, even that isn't really necessary for a deferment. Don't rush yourself. This is a lot.
|
I have no advice about academia to offer, but you will need to mark the passing of your partner, and although everyone is different, I don't think many people could just pick up their lives again in a few weeks. I lost my partner at the end of 2018 and found the grief recovery process handbook very helpful. One of the things that teaches you is to look at the things you have been taught about grief and loss and to examine them. It is difficult to assert yourself when you have suffered a loss like this because decision making is often very difficult, but I hope you take strength from the unanimous opinion here and give yourself time to adjust to your new normal. You may never "get over" this loss, but the hurt and emotion from it will lessen over time, and you will be able to return to your studies much more equipped to face the future if you give yourself space now.
| 0 | 22,782 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1sffk
|
fn2jgsu
| 1,586,569,026 | 1,586,591,257 | 1 | 2 |
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. It's an incredibly hard thing to go through so do what you need to do to take time to grieve; I don't think 1 month is long enough. Why is your program starting you in June? Most programs *do* have an optional summer start but this isn't a great idea in your case and doubly so with this SARS-CoV-2 business. I wouldn't start until Fall. As an aside, although I do think a deferment is the best option, you need to consult with the department about how secure your funding is. Grad students who just got offers the UofA just had their offers pulled if they didn't sign because there is a clause that says the funding is guaranteed barring "extraordinary circumstances"; this university had to invoke this clause and thus told the students that they technically still had offers but they would have no funding the first year. My only other advice is that you should not think about it as "moving on" in life. It's about carrying on like she would want you to do and about carrying on her memory through your life and work. I lost my best friend when I was in college and I felt immensely guilty about getting to pursue my BS and PhD without him but it helped me most to go through the full grieving process (going to where his ashes were scattered before I left for my program, meeting his family, having a funeral at school with his friends) and to not ignore my emotions for the sake of my work. Seven years later it still affects me when I think about how we were supposed to do a PhD together but instead of falling into despair, it carries me through the hard times in my program because I now feel as if I'm getting this PhD for the both of us. One day I think you too will be able to reach the same point but for now just take it day by day and know that everything you're feeling is normal and okay.
|
I have no advice about academia to offer, but you will need to mark the passing of your partner, and although everyone is different, I don't think many people could just pick up their lives again in a few weeks. I lost my partner at the end of 2018 and found the grief recovery process handbook very helpful. One of the things that teaches you is to look at the things you have been taught about grief and loss and to examine them. It is difficult to assert yourself when you have suffered a loss like this because decision making is often very difficult, but I hope you take strength from the unanimous opinion here and give yourself time to adjust to your new normal. You may never "get over" this loss, but the hurt and emotion from it will lessen over time, and you will be able to return to your studies much more equipped to face the future if you give yourself space now.
| 0 | 22,231 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn218nk
|
fn2jgsu
| 1,586,575,195 | 1,586,591,257 | 1 | 2 |
I'm sorry for your loss, and since your funding is okay. You can take an year off to go through things. Don;t worry the break won't appear anywhere. Simply the date you start the PhD would change. Talk to your department and PI as well.
|
I have no advice about academia to offer, but you will need to mark the passing of your partner, and although everyone is different, I don't think many people could just pick up their lives again in a few weeks. I lost my partner at the end of 2018 and found the grief recovery process handbook very helpful. One of the things that teaches you is to look at the things you have been taught about grief and loss and to examine them. It is difficult to assert yourself when you have suffered a loss like this because decision making is often very difficult, but I hope you take strength from the unanimous opinion here and give yourself time to adjust to your new normal. You may never "get over" this loss, but the hurt and emotion from it will lessen over time, and you will be able to return to your studies much more equipped to face the future if you give yourself space now.
| 0 | 16,062 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn25h8g
|
fn2jgsu
| 1,586,578,383 | 1,586,591,257 | 1 | 2 |
You can get a PhD and still be human. Take your time, take care of yourself and come back later if you feel like it.
|
I have no advice about academia to offer, but you will need to mark the passing of your partner, and although everyone is different, I don't think many people could just pick up their lives again in a few weeks. I lost my partner at the end of 2018 and found the grief recovery process handbook very helpful. One of the things that teaches you is to look at the things you have been taught about grief and loss and to examine them. It is difficult to assert yourself when you have suffered a loss like this because decision making is often very difficult, but I hope you take strength from the unanimous opinion here and give yourself time to adjust to your new normal. You may never "get over" this loss, but the hurt and emotion from it will lessen over time, and you will be able to return to your studies much more equipped to face the future if you give yourself space now.
| 0 | 12,874 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn2jgsu
|
fn2827h
| 1,586,591,257 | 1,586,580,474 | 2 | 1 |
I have no advice about academia to offer, but you will need to mark the passing of your partner, and although everyone is different, I don't think many people could just pick up their lives again in a few weeks. I lost my partner at the end of 2018 and found the grief recovery process handbook very helpful. One of the things that teaches you is to look at the things you have been taught about grief and loss and to examine them. It is difficult to assert yourself when you have suffered a loss like this because decision making is often very difficult, but I hope you take strength from the unanimous opinion here and give yourself time to adjust to your new normal. You may never "get over" this loss, but the hurt and emotion from it will lessen over time, and you will be able to return to your studies much more equipped to face the future if you give yourself space now.
|
I think anyone should understand that you want to defer your graduate program because your fiancee died, and you need time to grieve. If any academic program is not understanding of that, then they are probably not people you want to work for anyway. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
| 1 | 10,783 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn2ant0
|
fn2jgsu
| 1,586,582,700 | 1,586,591,257 | 1 | 2 |
I am sorry for your loss. Please do take time away for yourself and spend it with your loved ones. Dreams and aspirations have meaning if you have people to share them with. Take this time off to grieve and find yourself again. Regardless your choice, she’ll be proud of your decision.
|
I have no advice about academia to offer, but you will need to mark the passing of your partner, and although everyone is different, I don't think many people could just pick up their lives again in a few weeks. I lost my partner at the end of 2018 and found the grief recovery process handbook very helpful. One of the things that teaches you is to look at the things you have been taught about grief and loss and to examine them. It is difficult to assert yourself when you have suffered a loss like this because decision making is often very difficult, but I hope you take strength from the unanimous opinion here and give yourself time to adjust to your new normal. You may never "get over" this loss, but the hurt and emotion from it will lessen over time, and you will be able to return to your studies much more equipped to face the future if you give yourself space now.
| 0 | 8,557 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1p91s
|
fn6pxcn
| 1,586,566,947 | 1,586,704,962 | 1 | 2 |
Take time. I had to defer a semester due to a bad accident and I wish I deferred the whole year. Give yourself time to grieve and process
|
First of all, I'm so sorry about what's happened. I saw your post in lastimages and was really struck by the beauty of the video and your love for your fiancée. My only concern about your plan is that it seems like you're not in a place where it is emotionally safe for you to grieve and heal. I'm worried about the fact that you're living with your parents (homophobic per post history). I know that with Coronavirus and financial considerations it may not be possible to do anything else. But I do worry that without something to work towards (independence from them), being stuck with your parents might be further detrimental to your ability to grieve and process. That said, I also agree with everyone else that's posted. The stress and expectations of a PhD program are 100% too much for June 1 and you need time to grieve. Perhaps there are other options, like starting in September? Would it be possible to move in with a supportive friend rather than your parents and see how you feel? Depending on how bad your home situation is (and other factors like Coronavirus), getting a fresh start outside your childhood home may be, on balance, less problematic than your current environment.
| 0 | 138,015 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn6pxcn
|
fn1qrzl
| 1,586,704,962 | 1,586,567,944 | 2 | 1 |
First of all, I'm so sorry about what's happened. I saw your post in lastimages and was really struck by the beauty of the video and your love for your fiancée. My only concern about your plan is that it seems like you're not in a place where it is emotionally safe for you to grieve and heal. I'm worried about the fact that you're living with your parents (homophobic per post history). I know that with Coronavirus and financial considerations it may not be possible to do anything else. But I do worry that without something to work towards (independence from them), being stuck with your parents might be further detrimental to your ability to grieve and process. That said, I also agree with everyone else that's posted. The stress and expectations of a PhD program are 100% too much for June 1 and you need time to grieve. Perhaps there are other options, like starting in September? Would it be possible to move in with a supportive friend rather than your parents and see how you feel? Depending on how bad your home situation is (and other factors like Coronavirus), getting a fresh start outside your childhood home may be, on balance, less problematic than your current environment.
|
I'm so sorry for your loss. PhD program can wait.
| 1 | 137,018 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn6pxcn
|
fn1rabt
| 1,586,704,962 | 1,586,568,276 | 2 | 1 |
First of all, I'm so sorry about what's happened. I saw your post in lastimages and was really struck by the beauty of the video and your love for your fiancée. My only concern about your plan is that it seems like you're not in a place where it is emotionally safe for you to grieve and heal. I'm worried about the fact that you're living with your parents (homophobic per post history). I know that with Coronavirus and financial considerations it may not be possible to do anything else. But I do worry that without something to work towards (independence from them), being stuck with your parents might be further detrimental to your ability to grieve and process. That said, I also agree with everyone else that's posted. The stress and expectations of a PhD program are 100% too much for June 1 and you need time to grieve. Perhaps there are other options, like starting in September? Would it be possible to move in with a supportive friend rather than your parents and see how you feel? Depending on how bad your home situation is (and other factors like Coronavirus), getting a fresh start outside your childhood home may be, on balance, less problematic than your current environment.
|
I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers with you. It is OK to grieve for your loss. Don't feel like you ought to get over it soon. Be surrounded by your family and loved ones at this tough time. Take it easy on yourself. Taking off 6 months / 1 year at this time is the best thing you can do. If possible, let your parents or a close friend handle any paperwork.
| 1 | 136,686 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn6pxcn
|
fn1rld1
| 1,586,704,962 | 1,586,568,475 | 2 | 1 |
First of all, I'm so sorry about what's happened. I saw your post in lastimages and was really struck by the beauty of the video and your love for your fiancée. My only concern about your plan is that it seems like you're not in a place where it is emotionally safe for you to grieve and heal. I'm worried about the fact that you're living with your parents (homophobic per post history). I know that with Coronavirus and financial considerations it may not be possible to do anything else. But I do worry that without something to work towards (independence from them), being stuck with your parents might be further detrimental to your ability to grieve and process. That said, I also agree with everyone else that's posted. The stress and expectations of a PhD program are 100% too much for June 1 and you need time to grieve. Perhaps there are other options, like starting in September? Would it be possible to move in with a supportive friend rather than your parents and see how you feel? Depending on how bad your home situation is (and other factors like Coronavirus), getting a fresh start outside your childhood home may be, on balance, less problematic than your current environment.
|
I'm so sorry OP. Losing a loved one is heart breaking under ordinary circumstances, but this is a lot to process. Take the year, rally and make sure you give yourself time to grieve. No one will think badly of you for this. If they do, it's a reflection on them. Keep in touch with your program once and a while over the year just to stay connected if you are up to it and want to know what is happening in the program. However, even that isn't really necessary for a deferment. Don't rush yourself. This is a lot.
| 1 | 136,487 | 2 | ||
fypuv6
|
askacademia_train
| 0.99 |
My fiancée passed away on the 1st and she was going to come to my PhD program with me. Is deferment bad? I'm at a loss and I don't know what I should do anymore. I got into my dream PhD program in January and my fiancée and I were making our plans to move there soon. However, my fiancée passed away unexpectedly on the 1st of this month and I've been a total wreck. I can't concentrate on my last semester of undergrad and a huge reason I chose this school was because she would love the area/things to do there. I want to still get my PhD but now I'm feeling lost and scared about moving forward. I contacted the school and they said I can defer up to a year and keep my RA-ship offer and everything and my current university is offering me incompletes to finish over the summer, but I don't know what I should do. My parents have taken me back to my childhood home and they are trying to "get me over" the death of the love of my life. They want me to finish my undergrad on time (by May 1st) and start grad school on time (June 1st), but I'm having trouble just typing this let alone thinking about math. My end goal is to become a professor at a PUI. Would deferment be looked at negatively? Does anyone know how I can transition back into my life/school? Is it okay to not be able to do any work right now? I'm also feeling guilty to move on with my life without her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm only 22 and my lover has already passed away. Thank you for any advice.
|
fn1sffk
|
fn6pxcn
| 1,586,569,026 | 1,586,704,962 | 1 | 2 |
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. It's an incredibly hard thing to go through so do what you need to do to take time to grieve; I don't think 1 month is long enough. Why is your program starting you in June? Most programs *do* have an optional summer start but this isn't a great idea in your case and doubly so with this SARS-CoV-2 business. I wouldn't start until Fall. As an aside, although I do think a deferment is the best option, you need to consult with the department about how secure your funding is. Grad students who just got offers the UofA just had their offers pulled if they didn't sign because there is a clause that says the funding is guaranteed barring "extraordinary circumstances"; this university had to invoke this clause and thus told the students that they technically still had offers but they would have no funding the first year. My only other advice is that you should not think about it as "moving on" in life. It's about carrying on like she would want you to do and about carrying on her memory through your life and work. I lost my best friend when I was in college and I felt immensely guilty about getting to pursue my BS and PhD without him but it helped me most to go through the full grieving process (going to where his ashes were scattered before I left for my program, meeting his family, having a funeral at school with his friends) and to not ignore my emotions for the sake of my work. Seven years later it still affects me when I think about how we were supposed to do a PhD together but instead of falling into despair, it carries me through the hard times in my program because I now feel as if I'm getting this PhD for the both of us. One day I think you too will be able to reach the same point but for now just take it day by day and know that everything you're feeling is normal and okay.
|
First of all, I'm so sorry about what's happened. I saw your post in lastimages and was really struck by the beauty of the video and your love for your fiancée. My only concern about your plan is that it seems like you're not in a place where it is emotionally safe for you to grieve and heal. I'm worried about the fact that you're living with your parents (homophobic per post history). I know that with Coronavirus and financial considerations it may not be possible to do anything else. But I do worry that without something to work towards (independence from them), being stuck with your parents might be further detrimental to your ability to grieve and process. That said, I also agree with everyone else that's posted. The stress and expectations of a PhD program are 100% too much for June 1 and you need time to grieve. Perhaps there are other options, like starting in September? Would it be possible to move in with a supportive friend rather than your parents and see how you feel? Depending on how bad your home situation is (and other factors like Coronavirus), getting a fresh start outside your childhood home may be, on balance, less problematic than your current environment.
| 0 | 135,936 | 2 |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.