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487,551 | 386,241 | 83,670 | 1 |
Amateurish , incompetent , laughable
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Even if you have minimal standards about film-making quality , you'll agree that we all have a human right not to be subjected to a film as bad as " Boardinghouse " . If there were a Movie Police , they would arrest everyone associated with this " movie " and never allow them to make another one ( actually , most of the people involved here never DID make another one ) . Amateurish " performances " ( most of these people don't even TRY to act ) , incompetent direction , laughable visual and audio effects , a " script " that makes no sense ( assuming there was a script to begin with , that they didn't just improvise it on the spot ) , pathetic " cinematography " ( or should I say " videography " ) . The real injustice is that this movie will never receive enough votes to make it into IMDb's " Bottom 100 " list , when other films are there undeservedly . stars .
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487,556 | 386,241 | 125,967 | 1 |
Bad beyond your wildest imagination
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The Only Way To Spy is not a movie . It is a random collection of images shown out of order . To say that it doesn't make sense would be an understatement ; any given scene has no connection to the previous or to the next one . There isn't a shred of talent or professionalism to be found in any frame of this picture . I'm surprised that not only it exists , but it also got a video release with a colorful video box cover that makes it look 100 times better than it actually is . It's supposed to be a soft-core action spy comedy : there is no spying , no comedy , very little - and badly filmed - action , and , infrequently , some naked breasts . The busty actress who plays " OO6 " is game enough , and with a different cast and crew around her , she could have been the lead in a genuinely sexy spy spoof . My first " 0 stars " rating in 2007 !
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487,124 | 386,241 | 108,624 | 1 |
Utterly awful .
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I had heard that this movie was bad , but I foolishly thought " well , it has Jet Li and Chingmy Yau , how bad can it be ? " . Answer : so bad that it makes you want to turn it off after only the first 5 minutes . Jet Li's fighting - everyone's fighting , actually - is ridiculously overdone and overedited ; Yau's charming presence and smile is the only thing this awful , unwatchable movie has going for it . The plot doesn't make a lick of sense ( as even those who liked the film have admitted ) and the dubbing ( of the " Evil Cult " version ) is incomprehensible . stars .
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486,487 | 386,241 | 108,593 | 1 |
Warning about " Deadly China Hero "
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First of all , I'd like to make it clear that I'm commenting on the " Deadly China Hero " version of this movie , which apparently is several minutes shorter than the " Last Hero In China " version . The latter may be a decent movie ; the former is just as bad as " Kung Fu Cult Master " , if not worse . No self-respecting adult can possibly enjoy this silly trash ; no kid can possibly understand it . There is much more wire-fu than kung-fu here : when people are in the air , they either float or they go UP , not down . As for the plot , it's something about evil monks and kidnapped women and a mysterious temple and a lion-dancing vs . centipede-dancing contest . . . it's totally impossible to follow . Oh , and the picture quality is awful . I don't know about " Last Hero In China " , but " Deadly China Hero " is a " zero stars " movie all the way .
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485,889 | 386,241 | 282,163 | 1 |
Insufferable and ridiculous horror film
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You know , it takes a certain amount of talent to take a formula as firmly established as that of the slasher movie and screw it up so royally , but that's what they've done here . You suspect the movie is going to be bad right from the start , when the inexpressive cinematography totally fails to capture the beauty of the snowy surroundings . You are certain it is bad after the " shower scene " , where we get POV shots and suspense music , only to be revealed that the " presence " in the room is actually ( gasp ) the boyfriend ! The characters are totally unlikable ( all the men except one = sex-starved morons ; all the women except one = annoying sluts ) . Perhaps it is possible to make a good slasher film with totally unlikable characters ( though I can't think of one right now ) , but they should at least get graphically butchered , so that the audience can have its " revenge " for the time spent with them . With one or two exceptions , this doesn't happen here . In fact , the killer of this movie isn't exactly very scary ; at one point , he stumbles on a corpse , falls down , gets kicked by a girl , gets up , stumbles on the same corpse again and gets hit on the face with a snowboard by the same girl ! Michael Myers would take out this pretender in 5 seconds . . . .
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485,920 | 386,241 | 87,270 | 1 |
Completely unconvincing ; a nothing of a movie .
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The title and cover try to promote this as some sort of horror thriller , but don't be fooled ; it's really a revenge / survival story . It's meant to be about man's primal instincts , which surface under extreme circumstances , but it's so unconvincingly done that the four protagonists never seem to be more than an hour's walk away from civilization . Completely boring , filled with scenes of people just walking or driving around , it also resorts to all the usual stereotypes about paranoid Vietnam vets and evil , witchcraft-practicing Indians , having as a villain a man who is both of the above ! In short , I'd rather be stranded in the middle of the desert than having to see this film again . 0 out 4 .
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486,209 | 386,241 | 86,927 | 1 |
So bad it's PITIFUL .
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This movie is so bad that it made me want to cry . It's about as funny as a plane crash with no survivors . But it's not only completely unfunny : it's also moronic and offensive . For two hours you're watching retards behaving like three-year-olds . The sexist and racist jokes are just plain pitiful . And the scene where Hanks ' girlfriend forgives him for lying to her and smiles sweetly is excruciating . I gave this " comedy " , a grade I've never used before . A pitiful movie . BLECCH .
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486,373 | 386,241 | 131,359 | 1 |
Rock-bottom cheapie .
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You know , it's really a shame that most people have never heard of this movie . Because viewing it might just alter your perceptions about bad films . You will realize , after this , how often the phrase " this is the worst movie ever made " is inappropriately used ; " Rottweiler " IS the worst movie ever made ! I guess there have been , and there will be , movies AS bad as this one , but it's highly doubtful whether there has ever been a movie WORSE than this one . It's the " Plan 9 From Outer Space " of killer-dog films . It looks as if it was shot with a bad video camera , and the acting is beyond bad . How can anyone give it anything higher than a " 0 " ?
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485,785 | 386,241 | 75,097 | 1 |
Off-putting " thriller " .
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Incredibly muddled , off-putting and ultimately ludicrous ( " the horses , oh my God , the horses ! " ) thriller . It's creepy at times , but it has one of the worst scripts ever written for a horror film . Watch how in the final 10 minutes everybody " magically " does exactly what the plot needs for the " resolution " to occur . Bland performances by the leads , a typically eccentric one by Richard Lynch . The video transfer is a real hack job , cutting scenes in half and making the movie even more difficult to understand . stars .
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487,208 | 386,241 | 296,042 | 1 |
Utterly worthless .
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Ichi The Killer ' s violence makes " Reservoir Dogs " look like " Snow White " . Its visual " style " makes MTV video directors look like cutting-edge , brilliant artists . And its plot makes most Steven Seagal story lines seem intelligent . Writing a long review about something so meaningless is meaningless in itself , so I'll sum up the movie in four words : revolting , incomprehensible , numbing , overlong . For anyone who liked , say , " Nekromantik " , it's a sure bet ; for all others . . . stars . P . S . I watched the uncut version on a DVD that included an interview with director Takashi . The guy is a pretty boring talker , too .
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486,969 | 386,241 | 82,776 | 1 |
Sickening trash .
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Sickening exploitation trash plays like a bad ( and reverse ) " Death Wish " ripoff - but the ugly and untalented Tamerlis makes Charles Bronson look like Al Pacino with her performance . As for Ferrara's " stylish " direction , when a film is so vile , dumb and deeply offensive , it's hard for the viewer to pay attention to such details .
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486,602 | 386,241 | 82,332 | 1 |
For insomniacs .
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This movie is recommended only for insomniacs : it will relieve them by putting them to sleep . Five-year-olds might also enjoy it . But for anyone else ( including fans of the genre ) , what a bore ! The " ancient " plot is reminiscent of " Return Of The Dragon " , and this film is just as inept , but Nero is no Bruce Lee , so " Enter the Ninja " is an even worse film . Until now , this is the second ( the offensive " comedy " " Bachelor Party " was the first ) film I gave to .
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486,489 | 386,241 | 140,859 | 2 |
Unwatchable between the fight scenes ; not much better during them
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The only possible source of entertainment in a movie like " Bloodfight " is the fighting , but even that is spoiled here by terrible direction , bad camera angles and sloppy editing . The plot rambles on for about an hour , then turns into a tenth-rate " Rocky " . The Oriental actors , burdened with someone's idiotic decision that they should all speak exclusively in English ( in a misconceived attempt to help the film break more easily into the American market , perhaps ? ) , recite their lines robotically , without any feeling . On the other hand , the white actors , who can speak English more fluently , can't act ( only Cristina Lawson comes close to doing both of those things simultaneously ) . " Bloodfight " is only for those who'll watch Bolo Yeung in any film , no matter how atrocious it may be . ( )
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485,816 | 386,241 | 74,080 | 2 |
Artless junk .
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This film was ineptly directed , badly acted and poorly written . It was artless junk , populated exclusively by moronic and unpleasant characters . But the most depressing thought that crossed my mind while I was watching this film is that , unfortunately , grade-Z exploitationers like this often develop a cult reputation , just because they are so bad and sleazy and amateurish . Any smart viewer will know better , of course .
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486,198 | 386,241 | 195,379 | 2 |
Limp
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OK , I believe an in-depth analysis is not exactly necessary for this one . Its only value is in the unintentional laughs it has to offer . The martial-arts choreography is a disgrace to the words " martial " and " arts " . The girls may be sexy and smooth , but I'm sorry , a weekend's training in combat is just not enough . The stuntmen are a joke . The fights are slow , clunky , and graceless . " T . N . T Jackson " has better fight scenes than " Velvet Smooth " . Peter Sellers and Burt Kwouk have better fight scenes in the " Pink Panther " films . " Benny Hill " has better fight scenes - wait , " Benny Hill " has no fight scenes , I just got carried away by all the sped-up action . Well , you get the idea anyway . I think 0 . stars is a fair enough grade .
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486,538 | 386,241 | 308,137 | 2 |
Amateurish attempt at a psycho / serial killer thriller .
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This would be acceptable as a first project by kids who just got out of a film college , but it is unacceptable as a finished product for public exhibition . Half the time you feel as if you're watching a sick home movie ; the other half you feel as if you're watching Asian MTV . As for the theory that criminals become criminals mostly because of a rough , traumatic childhood , it's certainly nothing that hasn't been explored in a million Hollywood movies . stars .
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487,068 | 386,241 | 100,975 | 2 |
Shameless and boring .
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Anyone who has seen the utterly worthless original will rightfully wonder why a sequel was even filmed . But what's really inconceivable is that this so-called sequel is actually even worse that " Xtro " . A shameless " Alien " rip-off , terribly acted and full of very derivative effects . Trust all the comments and don't waste your time with this film .
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485,648 | 386,241 | 109,550 | 2 |
Dead in the water .
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Dark Waters is the kind of movie that wears out your patience in the first 5 minutes . Every ridiculous horror cliche ( all the nights are rainy ; all the supporting characters are wackos ; old people know " more than they're telling " ; there are candles everywhere ; there are strange burp-like sounds on the soundtrack ; etc . ) gets a workout in this nonsensical mumbo-jumbo-filled ( " the one who was but now isn't and yet is " ) muddle . This comment can't possibly do justice to how bad this movie really is ; it's so bad it's bad ; it's the worst Italian horror film since " The Sect " from 1991 . 0 . 5 out 4 .
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486,583 | 386,241 | 83,033 | 2 |
Very bad .
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A poor movie - to put it mildly . The misleading title may make you think that this is going to be a parody of the " Friday the 13Th " formula , but it isn't . In fact , it's hard to know what type of movie they're supposed to be spoofing here . Anyway , this film is an appallingly unfunny comedy AND an unscary horror flick , so there's no reason for you to see it . It has one blessing , however , that saved it from the rating ( I gave it a 2 ) : it's very , very short - but still not short enough to camouflage its lack of inspiration .
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485,677 | 386,241 | 338,479 | 2 |
Cynical , witless garbage
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Tales from the Crapper is gory , disgusting , tasteless , offensive , lowbrow and scatological . But that's OK , I was prepared for all that from my previous Troma experiences . What I WASN'T prepared for is that it's also witless , unfunny and boring . Very little of the genuine anarchic spirit of films like " Class of Nuke'em High " has remained intact ; in its place , we get ENDLESS fart jokes ( to the point where you start wondering if Lloyd Kaufman is going senile , thinking that adults find loud farting so darn hilarious ! ) and a cynical , shameless exploitation of the viewer , who is essentially investing time and money to see a " film " that even Kaufman himself seems to know should never have been released in the first place . Oh yes , there is plenty of female nudity on display , but let's face it : the average porn film probably offers a better storyline , higher production values , funnier humor , and above all more RESPECT for its intended viewer than this atrocity . P . S : Kelly Powers AKA Suzi Lorraine ( the blonde lesbian student in the " How to make your own movie " segment ) is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen .
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486,383 | 386,241 | 87,298 | 2 |
Imbecilic movie is a low point of the series .
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Even by the standards of this movie series ( and those standards aren't exactly high ) , this is an utterly imbecilic movie and one of the series ' really low points . The characters are dumber-than-usual , the acting far below average and the dialogue is so ludicrous ( A : " You have no computer " , B : " And you have no Betty " ) that you can barely stand listening to it . Even the gory scenes are poorly lit and too quick , presented in a way that should disappoint every gore fan . But horror fans will also be disappointed , because the film isn't scary at all and its anonymous , irritating characters are impossible to care about .
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485,777 | 386,241 | 386,846 | 2 |
Lousy - possibly the worst " Die Hard " ripoff ever
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I'm no snob when it comes to low-budget action films : just a few days ago , I watched " Blast ! " ( 2004 ) , a straight-to-video Die-Hard-On-An-Oil-Rig , and I liked it more than " Die Hard 4 " . But " The Vault " is just awful by any standards . Lousy , disorienting editing , pathetic " special effects " , sloppy , illogical script , bloodless gunshots , and obscenely bad acting ( Laci Szabo makes Jean Claude Van Damme look like Laurence Olivier ) all contribute to making this possibly the worst action movie " inspired " by " Die Hard " ever - if there is a worse one out there , I don't want to see it . There is a half-decent fight between Szabo and Rutten at the end - if you have stuck with the movie for that long . Diana Lee Inosanto shows brief glimpses of fighting talent ; Brynn Lucas ( as the hero's daughter ) is hot ; I wouldn't mind seeing either of them again , in something better - which essentially means , in anything else .
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487,262 | 386,241 | 87,229 | 2 |
Worthless and artless .
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Robert Ginty says at one point " I feel like I've been here before " ; well , those were my feelings exactly . I thought the original " Exterminator " was a pretty bad film with only a few memorable gore scenes to recommend it , but this is far worse . Made only to cash in on the first film's popularity , this is too boring to succeed even as a low-budget actioner with no other ambitions . The plot is so thin it can't even sustain its 85 minutes , and Ginty . . . . well , he barely exists as a person . ( )
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486,977 | 386,241 | 100,581 | 2 |
Proceed at your own risk .
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As a director , Dario Argento may very well be a master of the horror genre . But as a screenwriter , he has already proved that , more often than not , he doesn't have a clue . The script he has co-written for " The Sect " is so awful that I am inclined to believe there wasn't any script to begin with - they were probably making it up as they went along . The movie is simply a series of disconnected scenes that were thrown together in the vain hope that they would form some sort of " plot " . The result is a torturous piece of schlock that bored me to tears . This one should get stars , but I'll change it to 0 . 5 for the cool " face ripping " scene , and for the fun of seeing an aging Giovani Lombardo Radice in a minor role , ten years after " Cannibal Ferox " . Still , it apparently has its fans so you may want to check it out for yourself . . . .
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486,189 | 386,241 | 83,312 | 2 |
A shapeless farrago .
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Waitress ! is about as bad as a comedy can get . It can barely be called a movie ; it's more like a collage of randomly connected images and scenes that don't build from each other or move any sort of plot forward . And the editing is so rapid it may give you a headache . I'd give this dreadful film 0 . stars .
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486,892 | 386,241 | 178,917 | 2 |
Atrocious
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Frank is a tough LA cop ( what else in new ? ) who's had it up to here with the red tape that's been making his life difficult ( what else is new ? ) , so he recruits three female prisoners ( an ex-cop , an ex-marine and a gang member ) and trains them to combat crime in his own unorthodox way . The premise may be completely unbelievable , but it's also the only reason one could possibly have for watching " Street Angels " in the first place , as it involves three fairly hot girls kicking a . Other than that , this " film " is very bad . There is virtually no budget on display , and the fight choreography is painfully bad . There are also constant attempts at wit , and most of them are just annoying ( the main villain just won't shut his damn mouth ! ) , but occasionally they do hit a good one ( my favorite : " You'll name our team Street Angels ? That sounds like a bad no-budget action movie " ! ) .
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486,709 | 386,241 | 79,115 | 2 |
Sloppy and unpleasant
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Escape from Hell is not made with enough artistry to disguise what it is : crass exploitation . The direction and writing are both sloppy : for example , the camera-work during the fight between Cintia Lodetti and Ajita Wilson is so bad that you can barely make out what's happening ; also , if the alcoholic-but-kind-hearted doctor hadn't killed the warden , the guards would never have followed him and the girls after their escape - the " fake plague " plan had worked fine until then but he just had to ruin it . I would have given this film a ( the sweaty lesbian scene is not bad and Christina Lai has an amazingly beautiful face and body ) , but a particularly disgusting scene of abuse forced me to cut 2 more points . Of course some sickos will take that as a recommendation . After all , one thing even more disturbing than this film is that some people actually gave it positive reviews !
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486,585 | 386,241 | 71,521 | 2 |
UGH .
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James Caan and Alan Arkin " disgrace " themselves by starring in this offensive turkey . They play two unlikable near-fascists , whose idea of " law-enforcement " is , apparently , killing and injuring innocent civilians along with real criminals . And we were supposed to be rooting for those Dirty Harry clones that were even nastier than Harry himself ! A thoroughly unfunny " buddy comedy " , and a revolting movie .
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485,760 | 386,241 | 74,920 | 2 |
Lethargically paced , ludicrously dubbed dullness .
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A funny thing happened to me while watching " Mosquito " : on the one hand , the hero is a deaf-mute and the director is totally unable to make us understand why he does what he does ( mutilating mannequins . . . er , excuse me , corpses ) through his images . On the other hand , the English version at least is very badly dubbed . So I found myself wishing there had been both more AND less dialogue at the same time ! This film is stupid ( funny how this guy has access to every graveyard and mortuary in his town ) and lurid ( where would we be in a 70s exploitationer without our gratuitous lesbian scene ? ) . Not to mention the " romantic " aspect ( oh , how sweet ! ) . . . Miss it . ( )
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485,622 | 386,241 | 79,319 | 2 |
Inconceivably dull .
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One of the worst movies ever made . It's a remake of a 1937 disaster epic , which I haven't seen , and it's so impossibly dull , so lifeless and enervated that my guess is , if you ever start watching it , you won't finish it through . The climactic hurricane sequences are OK , but not really spectacular by today's standards - and how many viewers will have survived the 90 minutes that the movie takes to get there ? Lots of good actors ( Farrow , Von Sydow , Timothy Bottoms ) are pitifully wasted . Don't say you weren't warned .
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485,756 | 386,241 | 244,098 | 2 |
Don't bother .
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This worthless , bottom-of-the-barrel , stupid slasher film is only for those who have A LOT of free time on their hands , and simply want to see a few gory killings , without any concern for quality . If you don't belong in this category , however , skip it and go watch any of the roughly 3 , 784 better horror films available in the video stores . ( )
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486,277 | 386,241 | 179,123 | 2 |
Utter disappointment
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The cover seems to promise a female version of James Bond , but the truth is quite different . " Pepper " ( as my version was titled ) is too lame to be taken seriously as a spy thriller ( just one example : the room in which there is a device that can trigger a satellite to destroy Washington , London , Paris and Moscow is guarded by only one man ! ) , but at the same time it's not funny enough to work as a parody of the genre . There are also some drawn-out sex scenes thrown in for good measure , but since there is no connection between the characters , these don't work either . The heroine is fairly attractive but disappointingly passive , and doesn't seem to have any particular skills . Jane Bond she is not . Avoid this movie . 0 . stars .
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487,313 | 386,241 | 101,676 | 2 |
Incredibly bad
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The only reason I'm writing this is to issue a warning , because I see that nobody else has bothered to ( and deservedly so ) : if you're thinking of renting / watching this movie because the title sounds intriguing and you feel this could be a buried exploitation treasure , PLEASE DON'T DO IT ! This must be one of the worst non-movies of its decade . Comedic sequences that are not the least bit funny , a mystery plot that can support about 10 minutes of action , and one of the most annoying leading men ever to appear on the screen ( he didn't appear again ) . Maura Tierney is kind of likable , on the other hand , and she has all my sympathy for being stuck in a role that requires from her to find her co-star . . . attractive . Please , don't be fooled , don't ever rent this .
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485,798 | 386,241 | 110,264 | 2 |
It's hard to believe how bad this actually is .
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The title promises cheap thrills , but there aren't any . The script is stupid , the direction amateurish , the cops dopey ( not only do they fail to capture a slow , dumb serial killer , but they also fail to provide even the slightest protection to the victims ) , the psychiatrists ignorant and the actors portraying them ( and everybody else ) slumming ( John Saxon , what happened to you man ? ) . But in case you still didn't get the idea , let me just say this : even the average " Friday the 13th " film is made with more artistry . ( )
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487,145 | 386,241 | 94,962 | 2 |
Gore and nothing else . Nothing .
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The Dead Next Door is a nearly plotless exercise in extreme gore . Certainly the entire miniscule budget must have gone into the creation of the gore effects ( which are juicy , to say the least ) , because all the other technical aspects ( lighting , visual clarity , staging of the action scenes ) are atrocious . It's hard to really hate the film , because you know it means well . . . . but that doesn't mean that you won't be looking at your watch frequently , even though it runs only 80 minutes . ( )
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486,482 | 386,241 | 94,899 | 2 |
Enervated
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OK , this is confusing . In 1984 , the Italian director Anthony Dawson ( AKA Antonio Margheriti ) made " Codename : Wildgeese " , an action film about a commando squad that goes to Southeast Asia to attack a drug lord's stronghold . It starred Lewis Collins , Lee Van Cleef , Klaus Kinski and Ernest Borgnine . In 1988 , he made " The Commander " , an action film about a commando squad that goes to Southeast Asia to attack a drug lord's stronghold . It starred Collins and Van Cleef again , but no Kinski and Borgnine this time ; in their place , there was Donald Pleasence . To further confuse matters , the version of " The Commander " I saw was actually titled " Commando : Wildgeese " ! It took me about 10 minutes to realize that I wasn't watching the 1984 film ! Anyway , all you need to remember is that " The Commander " / " Commando : Wildgeese " is a low-grade action film , to be avoided at all costs . A low point in the careers of Van Cleef and Pleasence ; all the others involved never had much of a career to begin with . The only character who piqued my interest was a beautiful female fighter , but she didn't get to do much . ( )
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486,867 | 386,241 | 82,237 | 2 |
Not much better than " Plan 9 From Outer Space " .
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Grade-Z in all departments , " Dawn of the Mummy " is a film to watch only if you're desperate . Cinematography ( it looks like a home movie ) , acting ( complete with ear-piercing screaming ) , script ( incomprehensible ) , directing ( incompetent ) . . . . just about everything here is unbelievably bad . Except perhaps for the makeup effects , which are sometimes decent , particularly in the finale . But will you still be watching the movie by then ? Doubtful . ( )
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486,708 | 386,241 | 89,964 | 2 |
An embarrassment , a fraud , a hack job . . . . take your pick
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I have this obscure movie on VHS and the cover features Linda Blair in a revealing outfit , holding a machine gun . In the actual movie , she does hold ( and fire ) a machine gun , BUT : A ) Her outfit is a formal dress under a fur coat , B ) Her part is a 5-minute cameo ( plus a few lines of narration ) . The rest of " Savage Island " consists of copied-and-pasted footage from TWO Italian / Spanish Women-In-Prison films , one of which I've seen ( " Escape from Hell " ) and one I haven't ( " Orinoco - Prison of Sex " ) . The result is , as you might expect , a complete mess . There is no continuity between the scenes , sometimes even between the shots . 2 women start fighting dressed , in the next shot they are naked ( because a lesbian scene in-between has been omitted ) . In one shot it is night , in the next shot it is day . In one shot the prisoners are in a circle , in the next shot they have formed lines . There are TWO different prison wardens , and the SAME female guard gets killed twice . It's all quite laughable and shameless . Rating : stars , pushed up to 0 . 5 because Linda Blair with a machine gun is sexy .
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487,450 | 386,241 | 93,276 | 2 |
The strangest . . . and the worst .
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Iron Warrior introduces a new style both for Ator ( he has black hair now , in a ponytail , and barely utters more than fifty words in the entire movie ) and for the series itself . Director Brescia drops the silliness and campiness of the two D'Amato-directed " Ator " flicks in favor of a pseudo-arty approach . He employs every trick in the book : slow-motion , fast-motion ( ! ) , wide-angle lenses , cheap editing tricks to make people " disappear " , etc . But the result in nothing more than a ponderous , often incomprehensible film that you may have to struggle to get through . The Malta locations are admittedly very beautiful , though . ( )
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485,636 | 386,241 | 85,750 | 2 |
A total yawner .
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Most of the comments here will give you the impression that this movie , bad as it is , still offers ( unintentional ) laughs . But you can laugh only when you're awake , and staying awake while you are watching this INCREDIBLY BORING movie is a real challenge . Poorly produced , directed and edited , this is an abysmal sequel , and the only total yawner in the series .
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486,945 | 386,241 | 93,405 | 2 |
What a dud !
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A complete dud . Stuck with a stupid script and in the middle of moronic proceedings , Bill Cosby looks utterly bored and desperate . This is the type of film that has NOTHING redeeming about it , and even thinking about it for a minute longer than its running time is a real waste of effort . Worthless . ( )
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486,347 | 386,241 | 156,372 | 3 |
The only thing you'll be thirsty for is a better movie .
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Cheap ( and I mean CHEAP ; I don't know what they paid the actors , but the rest of the budget must have been around 50 dollars ; it was shot on KODAK film stock ! ) softcore thriller is mostly talk , with minimal horror elements and a monotonous performance by Monique Parent . The director plays so much with the lighting that you would think the house where the action takes place is a disco . ( )
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485,696 | 386,241 | 56,405 | 3 |
When it's not funny , it's unendurable .
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Reptilicus is a rather easy movie to write a review about , since for almost all its length it follows the same , monotonous pattern : it alternately becomes laughably bad ( when the " monster " is onscreen ) and sleep-inducing ( when it isn't ) . I mean , if the unconvincing special effects don't get you , the lifeless performances will ! Those who are looking for unintentional laughs won't be too satisfied , either ; sure , the green " acid slime " is funny for the first few times you see it , and the scene where Reptilicus eats a man who has changed into cartoonish form is hilariously embarrassing , but this is an one-joke comedy , and it soon wears thin . I have to admit , however , that the film is slickly photographed ; when Reptilicus is offscreen , it's much more slick-looking that " Dr . No " , for example , which was made the same year ( 1962 ) .
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485,612 | 386,241 | 112,843 | 3 |
Predictable " Robocop " rehash .
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A tired , second-rate " Robocop " rehash . Deadly predictable , too . You know what will happen in almost every scene . Basically the whole plot is : woman gets murdered , woman gets " ressurrected " , woman seeks vengeance on those who killed her . Nothing more than that . The movie is not exactly bad , it's just so . . . . . forgettable ( and , as others have mentioned , what's with that red powder that we see instead of blood when someone gets shot ? ) . Nicole Eggert is the sole redeeming element . ( )
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486,144 | 386,241 | 91,344 | 3 |
And what do we care ?
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This is a low-class , low-grade attempt to revive the myth of King Kong . The filmmakers have made the mistake of taking him for granted ; they " anthropomorphize " him to an excessive degree ( watch for those silly grins ) and pretty much waste him . There are some fair scenes of mass destruction in " King Kong Lives " . . . . but there are also at least two gory scenes that are not for the squeamish . You've been warned . ( )
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486,943 | 386,241 | 78,113 | 3 |
Atrociously bad .
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An atrociously made , acted and dubbed cannibal movie that is also very tame in terms of violence ( except for a scene where a crocodile is skinned alive ) and nudity ( it must have been on the female lead's contract not to have a single nude scene ) . The " highlights " of the film's stupidity include : A : The poorly integrated stock footage of animals killing each other . B : The lamest attempted-rape sequence you'll ever see . C : A scene of the cannibals having circled around the hero and then attacking him one-at-a-time , and him defending himself with karate moves ! D : A silly conversation about whether the cannibals have any chances of " adapting to our civilization " ( " Well , it's gonna take quite some time " ! ) . E : The already-mentioned axe-boomerang scene , and a terribly edited spear-throwing scene a few seconds earlier . The on-location filming is the only thing that forces me to give this film one star , instead of none . Only for the desperately curious .
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487,287 | 386,241 | 83,550 | 3 |
Possessed by the spirit of other films .
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Extraordinarily stupid ( why doesn't the family simply leave the house ? ? ) , blatantly cliched ( right down to the resolution of the " exorcism " ) and often perverse - but those are all faults of the script . The director does a good job under the circumstances ( there is one camera trick in particular that makes you wonder how he pulled it off ) , but the movie is still a turkey . The only way this could impress you is if it's the first horror film you ever see . ( )
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486,276 | 386,241 | 83,509 | 3 |
Cynthia Rothrock's first film is terrible - and she is barely in it !
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Cynthia Rothrock , whose first film this is , appears on the video cover and has a couple of fight scenes in the opening 5 minutes . Then her character is dressed up as a ninja for the rest of the running time , except that the woman inside the ninja suit is NOT Cynthia . It's easy to see that from the close-ups of her eyes , and the ending credits confirm it . But even if you ignore this fraud , " 24 Hours to Midnight " is not a good movie . The script , full of irrelevant and recycled scenes , is strictly amateur hour , the direction is inept and the " action " scenes are uninspired . The criminal organization that " Cynthia " goes after is supposedly making billion dollar deals , yet its headquarters seem to be a small cheap room . The only bright spot in this movie is a sexy female cop ( Myra ) - without her I would have given it a " Zero " rating for sure .
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486,978 | 386,241 | 95,611 | 3 |
Fifth-rate but sometimes amusing slasher film .
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From a horror standpoint , " Memorial Valley Massacre " is a worthless slasher that no serious horror fan should bother with . What saves it from being a total bomb is the tongue-in-cheek approach of the filmmakers , at least in the first half . For example , early on a man says " We've got a problem with the water " ( the movie is set on a camp ) and proceeds to pull a dead dog out of the well ! Hilarious ! Then Cameron Mitchell ( who appears for about 2 minutes as an investor ; did he actually get paid for this ? ) asks : " Screw the dog , is the water fit to drink ? " ( ! ! ! ) . The film also includes the following exchange : " Are you the head ranger here ? " - " Well , I'm the only ranger here , so I guess you can say I'm the head one " . Oh , and the primitive kid who has lived all his life away from civilization , apparently knows how to create a gas explosion . ( )
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486,605 | 386,241 | 61,405 | 3 |
Inexplicably bad .
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Billion Dollar Brain is an unbelievably , inexplicably bad movie . It's so bad that the Harry Palmer series didn't survive it . I can't realize ( after two viewings ) what exactly is wrong with it , but it seems to fail on every level : plot , action , satire . Even Caine looks passive and unable to save it . A real curiosity .
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487,201 | 386,241 | 147,868 | 3 |
Disappointing , talky action film
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OK , let me start with the best ( if not the only good ) thing in this movie : Shawn Huff . I don't know if the word " WOW " is enough to describe her . Her portrayal of an expert markswoman / assassin is picture-perfect , and she delivers with conviction such lines as ( after shooting two guys point-blank ) " Hell yeah I think you're afraid of me ! " . I think she is Brent Huff's wife , but she's so good in her role that I don't care if she got it only because of that . The rest of the film , however , is one disappointment after another : Roddy Piper is an ex-wrestler . Does he fight in the movie ? No . A big German guy is shown at first as an underground fighter . Does he have any more fights ? No . The villains ( a para-military group ) are shown training during the opening credits . Do they get to put their training to use ? No . And so on . The action ( what little there is of it ) is of generally poor quality , apart from a few decent motorcycle stunts . Ultimately , " The Bad Pack " is the poor man's " The Magnificent Seven " ( )
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485,701 | 386,241 | 87,805 | 3 |
Shamelessly exploitative , often laughable .
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Ninja III is not quite as bad as " Enter The Ninja " , the first part of this " trilogy " , but it's still a very bad movie . It will hardly please the fans of martial-arts movies , because there isn't enough action , but even the action scenes themselves are often spoiled by laughable excesses and needless violence . As if the film wasn't already weak enough , the filmmakers turn parts of it into an idiotic " The Exorcist " rip-off . The only redeeming value is the winning presence of the actress who plays the " dominated " heroine ; she is a beautiful and athletic woman , which the director doesn't forget to exploit in various sleazy ways - she just happens to be an aerobics teacher . I don't mind a little soft-core exploitation , but it must not pretend to be something else .
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485,779 | 386,241 | 256,083 | 3 |
Alternative recommendations
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Hostile Environment seems to have a lot of promising B-movie actors and ingredients , however here are a few suggestions for you instead of watching this movie : - If you're a Brigitte Nielsen fan , try " Red Sonja " - If you're a Matthias Hues fan , try " No Retreat , No Surrender 2 " - If you're a Darren Shahlavi fan , try " Bloodmoon " - If you're a Rochelle Swanson fan , try " Sorceress " ( though I did get a kick out of seeing her using a machine gun at one point here ) - If you want an action movie set on a ship , try the superb Hong Kong - made " Red Wolf " - If you want a reluctant post-apocalyptic loner / hero , try " Mad Max " However , if you're looking for a movie with a very ripped man spending most of the running time half-naked , you've come to the right place . Definitely a male muscle fetish film , I'll give it out of 4 stars but my guess is most women will rate it higher .
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485,708 | 386,241 | 100,904 | 3 |
At least the dog is adorable .
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This sequel to " Watchers " is just a reworking of the original . Or , more accurately , it uses Dean Koontz's original story as the basis for yet another " Predator " knock-off . Pretty lame , with some terribly unconvincing effects ( check out that severed head ) , but an amazingly well-trained dog yet again saves the day ( i . e . , at least makes the movie bearable ) . ( )
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486,670 | 386,241 | 95,256 | 3 |
Grotesquely confused ( SPOILERS ) .
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It begins as a horrible " horror " flick , but fortunately we quickly find out that the opening scenes belong to a movie-within-a-movie . Then , for the next 15 minutes or so , there are some decent filmmaking vs . reality games that add an extra layer to the film . But when the punks appear , their embarrassing overacting turns this into a bottom-of-the-barrel affair . But wait ! After the deformed man avenges the murders of his " family " and gets himself shot in the process , it gets even worse ! There are many pointless scenes that go on far too long , especially the two " good cop-bad cop " interrogation sketches . The ending offers a gruesome twist ( though ruined by bad makeup effects ) . . . . and then the REAL ending comes . It's one of the stupidest and most nonsensical endings I've ever seen , but you have to admit at least that it takes a lot of audacity to dare end your film this way . ( )
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486,261 | 386,241 | 66,449 | 3 |
What planet is this film taking place on ?
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Annoying , static comedy with a painfully miscast Peter Sellers as a smarmy , self-centered Casanova who always has his way with the ladies . A major blemish on Sellers ' filmography , and , even worse , a film that seems to have been made solely to satisfy the ego of its star . ( )
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486,225 | 386,241 | 87,556 | 3 |
Perhaps the action movie with the worst hero ( and the worst villain ! ) of the 80's .
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Essentially plotless action film has two good guys ( Fong and Roundtree ) pitted against two bad guys ( Mitchell and Pierce ) . Fong is perhaps the most uncharismatic action lead of the 80s , Roundtree's small part is a far cry from his " Shaft " days , and Cameron Mitchell adds another shameful role to his career , one to sit right next to his laughable turn in " The Toolbox Murders " ( this man was a respected actor once , now he has come down to wearing flowers in his hair and complaining about people bleeding on his carpet ) . Only Stack Pierce acts with some dignity . As for the violence , don't worry : most of it is too badly done to offend anyone . ( )
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486,559 | 386,241 | 95,334 | 3 |
The Unoriginal Nightmare .
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There is certainly nothing original or creative about this film . . . . more than an hour passes before you even get to see a werewolf . . . the movie seems to consider the " existence " of werewolves a very shocking revelation but you're not likely to agree . Totally pedestrian , with low-grade special effects . ( )
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486,040 | 386,241 | 113,349 | 3 |
Awful .
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This is the worst of the " Howling " sequels , and that is quite a feat considering how bad most of them were . To be fair , though , parts " 5 " and " 6 " were pretty decent ( no kidding ) , so please don't ignore them also simply because they happen to be " associated " with this movie . Not to mention the fact that the film cannibalizes earlier sequels by lifting plenty of footage from them . I'll give it just one small star , in case you're a country-music ( or a country-hick ) addict .
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486,265 | 386,241 | 109,546 | 3 |
Playboy can do better !
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Kim Delaney is pretty hot , and that's about it for this derivative and stupid " erotic thriller " , which concludes with some mystical mumbo-jumbo that has to be heard to be believed ( " if you surrender to the evil spirit , it will be kind and gentle to you " ) . Don't waste your time with this time-waster , unless you wanna see what it looks like when a grown man tries ( unsuccessfully ) to act as if he's " drowning " . ( )
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487,548 | 386,241 | 74,296 | 3 |
Dismal " comedy " demeans Fenech
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Ugo Tognazzi is a lawyer whose flight to New York is canceled due to extreme fog and he goes back to his house , only to find a man hidden in the closet while his wife appears to be sleeping . Actually , he just sees the man's feet but he doesn't bother to find out who he is ( if he did , this whole cockamamie story would be over before it started ) ; he locks the room , goes back to bed with his wife as if nothing had happened and spends the rest of the movie fantasizing about whom the guilty party might be , while in real life each and every one of his " suspects " turn out to have solid alibis . Admittedly , I saw a poorly dubbed version of this movie , titled " Who MisLaid My Wife ? " , so perhaps something has been lost in the translation . What does come through , however , is a dismal , monotonous " comedy " , with alternately ridiculous and tasteless ( and sometimes both ) fantasy sequences . Edwige Fenech looks GORGEOUS in this film , but her role is very demeaning ; she is continuously insulted , publicly embarrassed and , at one point , nearly raped . As for her nudity , it is limited to those fantasy scenes , and it is rarely arousing . ( )
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487,270 | 386,241 | 74,279 | 3 |
Crummy low-budget flick .
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Director Paul Baurtel's follow-up to his cult hit " Death Race 2000 " was this pretty awful little action picture that has all the amateurishness of the previous film but about half the budget - which wasn't so high to begin with ! It's a crummy-looking , unfunny , unexciting film , but at least it has some beautiful women and some fast cars . . . . . ( )
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487,023 | 386,241 | 60,782 | 3 |
Pretty lame .
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Even Raquel Welch's physically superb presence can't rescue this hokey , dated adventure epic . I'm sure the effects were considered creative and first-rate back in 1966 , but today they've lost much of their impact . And the ending is so abrupt that it may leave you stunned ! ( )
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485,666 | 386,241 | 96,251 | 3 |
Think " Japanese MTV with a dose of violence " and you're getting close .
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Unendurable , incomprehensible assault on the senses . Not really shocking or disturbing , because most of the time you don't even know what exactly you're looking at . Actually , this must be one of the worst films I've ever seen , but it has enough amazing ( for what they cost ) effects and bizarre images to warrant a viewing . But you'd better be prepared . . . ( )
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486,558 | 386,241 | 96,000 | 3 |
BLATANT , BLATANT " Predator " knockoff
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Astonishing in its audacity ! Bruno Mattei gathered a bunch of B-movie actors , threw them into the jungle , and then ripped off the basic plotline from " Predator " , ripped off whole lines of dialogue from " Predator " , ripped off the irrelevant action sequences from " Predator " , he even ripped off the " who-played-whom " - type closing credits from " Predator " ! The only difference is that the monster here is a robot instead of an alien . A very weird experience - check out the " monster's " kiddie voice ! ( )
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486,172 | 386,241 | 74,474 | 3 |
Boring - Skip It
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I would describe " Black Emanuelle 2 " as a mix of porn , corn and " Rashomon " , except it's not as interesting as that description makes it sound . First of all , the female lead who replaces Laura Gemser is nowhere near her league . Her body is nice but her face is nothing special , to put it kindly . The " corn " part goes to the description of the life in the psychiatric clinic ( unlocked doors for every room , patients with phones in their own bedrooms , etc . ) . And the " Rashomon " reference is about some flashbacks that tell the same events from two different perspectives ; however , the heroine is not lying here , she just can't remember the truth because of some psychological trauma , caused by an event in her past . You'll probably guess the nature of this event before it is revealed . But you will have stopped caring before that . Shot in New York , badly dubbed in English . ( )
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487,565 | 386,241 | 78,812 | 3 |
Dreadful espionage thriller .
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From the hilariously overdubbed Russian dialogue ( in the very first scene to boot ; what a great way to start your movie ! ) to the badly miscast actors ( Maximilian Schell as a top Russian official ? ? ? ) and from the unexciting action scenes ( full of inept bad guys who can't shoot straight ) to the trite " May-December " romance between Lee Marvin and Linda Evans , " Avalanche Express " demonstrates how easy it is to screw everything up in this genre . In its defense , it's not as awful as , say , " The Kremlin Letter " ; there is also some good on-location shooting in Europe . Despite the title , the " avalanche " part of the movie doesn't take up more than five minutes . ( )
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486,443 | 386,241 | 147,995 | 3 |
How many country hicks did " The Crow " have ?
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Great DVD cover marketing here , guys ! Raven = Crow , therefore this is the successor to Brandon Lee's " The Crow " ! Em , no . Actually , reading the plot synopsis and looking at the photos I expected something along the lines of " Barb Wire " , but no , it's not that either . The story is silly and pretentious ( shut your mouth , wise old Indian narrator ! ) , and the action scenes ( the whole two of them ) are poor , with mistimed sound effects . Carmen Electra is a hot woman , no doubt about that , but it's painful to watch her trying to act , though not as painful as it is to watch her male co-stars ! ( and yes , anyone with an IQ higher than that of the characters can see that she used a body double for the nude scenes ) . At least Debra Xavier has some fun with her role as the wicked bad girl . At one point , Carmen's boyfriend tells her " I can help you " and she responds " You ain't tough enough , baby " . THAT'S the attitude this film needed to have all the way . ( )
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486,903 | 386,241 | 100,666 | 3 |
Not half as witty as its title .
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Sloppily directed , witless comedy that supposedly spoofs the " classic " 50s " alien invasion " films , but really is no better than them , except of course in the purely technical department ( good makeup effects ) . And any spoof that is worse than its target is doomed to fail ( " Casino Royale " , " Our Man Flint " are worse than almost any James Bond movie ) . After two hours of hearing the screeching voices of the aliens , you'll be begging for some peace and quiet . ( )
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487,495 | 386,241 | 65,709 | 3 |
A mess .
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Marty Feldman was a likable and gifted comedian , but that doesn't mean he couldn't star in some lousy films . Take this terrible comedy for example : the bizarre , sometimes cute fantasy sequences are its only saving grace . This only goes to prove that if you want to turn chaos into comedy , you have to be really good at it ( like the Marx Brothers were ) ; otherwise , you'll end up being merely chaotic . ( )
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486,542 | 386,241 | 113,278 | 3 |
Pretty terrible
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I have often found myself defending Albert Pyun for some of his films that few other people like ( like " Nemesis " ) , but " Heatseeker " , a pretentious mix of pseudo-sci-fi and martial arts action , really is one of his worst films . Keith Cooke ( whom I first spotted in " China O'Brien 2 " , where he stole the show from Cynthia Rothrock and Richard Norton ) , is an impressive kicker ; Gary Daniels is an excellent opponent ; and the cast is obviously full of real fighters . If Pyun had cut out all the crap about cyber enhancement and rival bio-engineering companies , we would probably have about 30 minutes of straight fighting . In other words , the movie is watchable , but only if you know how to use your fast-forward button . ( )
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485,980 | 386,241 | 118,153 | 3 |
A total waste of time .
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There is a decent idea buried at the core of " The Whispering " , but the script's logic is messy ( why can some people see the demon-woman and others can't ? What does the hypnosis scene have to do with anything else ? And - SPOILER - as someone else already mentioned , how can you defeat a demon simply by breaking a mirror ? ? ? ) . Leif Garrett gives a narcoleptic performance that matches the director's funereal pace perfectly . In short , this is yet another horror film that you'll have completely forgotten two hours after seeing it . ( )
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485,731 | 386,241 | 70,130 | 3 |
Too dull to stomach .
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Marco Ferreri should have gotten some kind of honorary award for turning a seemingly surefire premise into an astonishingly dull movie . The characters don't exchange even one meaningful line of dialogue during the film's two hours . That means that they don't connect with each other , and we don't connect with them . And that means that we're not in any way affected by the " wild " goings-on ; we simply occasionally observe that " hmmm , that must have been provocative in 1973 " , and we move on . ( )
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486,643 | 386,241 | 87,280 | 3 |
Stalker meets " Seven " : a cure for insomnia !
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This is the kind of movie that sends 90 % of the audience looking for the exits ( or the " Eject " button on their VHS / DVD players ) , while the remaining 10 % claims it's a " masterpiece " . Very demanding , very suffocating , very pretentious . By making a film whose extreme ambitions are matched only by the boredom it induces , Von Trier proves to be a worthy successor to Tarkovsky ( and that's not a compliment ) . Of course in Tarkovsky you would never get a line like " I'll scew you to the Stone Age ! " . ( )
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486,863 | 386,241 | 78,405 | 3 |
Trash .
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This film apparently caused quite some controversy when it was released back in 1978 , and it's easy to see why - the " bathtub " scene is explicit even by today's standards , and I'll bet that it's cut ( or shortened ) from the current British re-release of the film . Essentially , however , this is an artlessly made ( there's no style to the killings , although the weapons used - like a nail-gun and a screwdriver - are fairly original ) , rampantly misogynistic horror film with no redeeming qualities whatsoever . Cameron Mitchell , as the lollipop-sucking , Bible-quoting owner of the building where the murders take place , is beyond awful , but the screenwriter is also to blame for giving him campy lines like " Come here , you damn fornicator ! " ( )
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486,475 | 386,241 | 95,924 | 3 |
Pulse doesn't have much pulse .
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The main problem with this movie is that its premise is quintessentially , thoroughly unscary . It's no coincidence that the only two even remotely scary scenes ( suffocation by gas and a very hot shower ) are not even directly linked to electricity ! And how IS the evil circuit able to control doors and windows ? ? This picture has some decent acting at least , but you should only see it if you're desperate and have run out of good horror flicks to watch . ( )
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485,994 | 386,241 | 95,929 | 3 |
Dreary exploitation junk
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Despite the initial set-up ( 2 American girls in a foreign - here African - country get arrested and sentenced to 11 years in jail for a crime they didn't commit ) , " Purgatory " is not really a Women-In-Prison film . It almost completely ignores the daily prison life of the women and focuses on one aspect only : their sexual exploitation . The warden has set up a prostitution ring and the prisoners are used to satisfy the needs of many high-paying customers . After 75 minutes of this repellent junk , we finally get to the escape part . " Purgatory " supposedly has serious intentions : there are even title cards telling us what date it is , and at the end another card telling us what happened to the surviving characters , as if this was based on a true story , even though at the end of the credits there is the usual " any similarity to real persons , living or dead , is purely coincidental " disclaimer . But it is technically rough , even amateurish at times , and although Tanya Roberts deserves credit for taking on a role that has her appear completely unglamorous , she's still too limited an actress to carry a movie by herself . ( )
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487,079 | 386,241 | 65,832 | 3 |
What a goofy film !
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Clumsy comedy with cheesy " special effects " ( if you want to call them that ) and a dumb storyline . Still , this could be considered something of a cult item today , because it feautures Arnold Schwarzenegger in his movie debut ; he is already impressive-looking , and his voice is dubbed throughout by a man who sounds nothing like him ! What saves this movie from the lowest possible rating is its lack of pretension ; the people involved in it must have known that they were making a bad movie and didn't try to hide it at all . For example , when Hercules fights a bear , there is no attempt to make the bear look even slightly real ; it's all-too-obviously a man in a bear suit . ( )
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485,613 | 386,241 | 65,950 | 3 |
UGH !
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I can't believe there are four positive comments for this dud ! If you're tired of the James Bond pictures and you want to try a more " adult " and mature spy film , check out " The Ipcress File " , or even " The Naked Runner " , with Frank Sinatra ; they are far superior . " The Kremlin Letter " is poorly structured ( the main hero , for example , is kept offscreen for about an hour ! ) , nearly incomprehensible , uninvolving , talky , and loaded with so many stiff performances that you may wonder why they didn't hire some wax-museum figures instead ; they'd be a lot more lively . The lead has all the charm and acting talent of George Lazenby , and Orson Welles is used for decorative puproses only ; you never even understand what he's doing in the picture . The movie's only interesting moments come at the very end , when it finally manages to suggest how cruel and inhuman the world of espionage can sometimes be . And Richard Boone is the one actor who injects some life into his role . Otherwise , this is a fiasco of epic proportions .
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486,674 | 386,241 | 64,949 | 3 |
Disconnected , awful horror film .
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Three of the most famous horror stars appear in this film , but don't be fooled - it's definitely a complete dud , an incoherent , unbelievably bad pastiche of disconnected scenes . Peter Cushing's role is little more than a cameo and Christopher Lee just drops in and out of a few sequences . Only Vincent Price has some substantial screen time in the final 20 minutes - which is the only part of the movie that saves it from being utter trash . ( )
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486,722 | 386,241 | 69,785 | 3 |
Inept .
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The most annoying thing about this ludicrous " action " film is the contempt it shows for the audience . You get the feeling that the people involved just didn't care enough to make a good film , and the intentionally campy and preposterous moments seem merely an attempt to cover their own incompetence . Linda Marlowe is beautiful but most unconvincing in the title role , and many of the supporting performances are simply dreadful . And if you think the action sequences will redeem the picture , forget it ; they are so ineptly filmed that they become an offense to martial-arts fans . A monumentally bad flick . ( )
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487,244 | 386,241 | 386,653 | 3 |
Bargain-basement thriller
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Ha ha , 9 out of the 12 people who voted on this movie so far gave it a perfect 10 , that's a good one ! I , on the other hand , will give it a 3 - it could easily be a 1 but it gets an extra point for the spin it puts on the genre by having a female serial killer and another point because . . . well , I did watch it all the way to the end . Make no mistake , however , it is a bargain-basement production in most respects , except maybe for the acting that might be called " mediocre " , though there is one guy who plays a psychiatrist that seems to be having serious trouble remembering his few lines . Oh , and a memo to the cops : when a serial killer is targeting a specific area , it might be a good idea to check the houses in that area before he or she gets to victim # 5 . ( )
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486,179 | 386,241 | 74,682 | 3 |
Nude goddess Ursula in a very disappointing sex comedy
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Ursula Andress ' naked body is one of those things that make you believe in God . The other two women ( especially the one who plays the maid ) have great bodies as well . Then why is the higher grade that I can give to a film with such quality and quantity of nudity only ? Because , to get to Ursula's unbelievable body , we have to sit through a movie that is otherwise unfunny and boring ( keep in mind that I watched the full 101-minute version , not the 78-minute American one which probably cuts out a lot of the extraneous material ) . In typical Italian-comedy tradition , most of the characters are exaggerated caricatures ( the army freak , the " latin lover " , the constant drunk , the naive maid ) that are not funny , simply overacted . Final word : watch this , but keep your finger on the fast-forward button , you're gonna need it . ( )
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486,797 | 386,241 | 206,826 | 3 |
Total waste of time
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Oh man , what a ripoff ! I rented this movie basically to see Claudia Schiffer . She has no more than 15 minutes of screen time in total , and don't expect to see her in anything racier than a bikini . She isn't exactly a convincing actress , but at least her primary profession is a model - what's Daniel Baldwin's excuse ? At one point he breaks into tears and it's one of the most unconvincing sobbing scenes I've ever seen ! Oh , and did I mention that Coolio plays a prison guard ? ! The only decent acting comes from Sarah Lassez and Kim Rhodes . The movie is filled with laughable situations ( from the sex scene in the PRISON cell against a LADDER to the escape to the breaking into apartments to a bullet in the gut having almost no effect to . . . . ) and twists ( " He's my father ! " ) that would shame a soap opera . The script looks as if it was written by a kid : anything can happen and nobody has to worry about logic . There is one neat directing trick - moving from a postcard to the beach it portrays - but otherwise " In Pursuit " is a total waste of time . ( )
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486,106 | 386,241 | 74,776 | 3 |
Stereotyped and tiresome .
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Stereotyped , derivative , unoriginal and boring Western . The two popular stars ( Charlton Heston and James Coburn ) both give performances that are far from their best , and justifiably so ; they both have superficial roles and character traits stated mainly by dialogue . Heston is a sheriff who " liked the world better as it used to be before " and Coburn is an outlaw who " owes something to the man who locked him up and has to pay his debt " . Additionally , Heston is so old that he has trouble riding a horse and Coburn is mean and tough but not as cold-blooded a killer as some of the minor villains . Apparently , the filmmakers couldn't come up with even ONE original idea about how to make this movie somewhat distinguished . ( )
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486,710 | 386,241 | 144,233 | 3 |
Fails on all levels
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Horror of Hell Mountain wants to be : A ) A soft-core sex filmB ) A women-in-prison filmC ) An action film D ) A post-apocalyptic film It fails on all levels , because : A ) The tone is too depressing - there is one tasteful love scene at the very beginning , the rest is a total turn-off B ) Only two of the prisoners seem to matter as characters - all the rest are treated as pieces of meat - and even one of them is ignored at the end ! C ) It's cheap - check out the fake computer explosions at the end D ) It's shot in the Czech Republic , and that's it - there is no other effort to create a post-apocalyptic world . Even seeing Sarah Douglas doesn't help much - partly because she's beginning to look her age here and partly because it's sad to witness her huge fall from " Superman II " to a film like this . ( )
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487,176 | 386,241 | 71,508 | 3 |
Fast forward to the last ten minutes ; the rest isn't even worth a look .
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Disgraceful " variation " on the Frankenstein myth . Such shamelessly idiotic dialogue cannot be heard even in a porn movie ( " Oh , I am so lonely , I'm glad they didn't hurt you , come closer " ) , and such ludicrous plotting wouldn't even be accepted in a farce ( watch the " kiss him . . . it's not working " scene . . . . no further comments ) . Joe Dalessandro ( whom I liked in " Trash " ) is more out-of-place in this environment than even , say , Woody Allen would be . The incredibly bloody finale will please splatter fans ( in fact , it's the only reason this rates anything higher than a big fat " zero " ) , but beware : it is truly a very bad film .
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486,831 | 386,241 | 55,323 | 3 |
Of historical interest mostly
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Dismal production values ruin a tale that , in some ways , was ahead of its time ( several of the women know how to handle a gun , for example ) . The plot concerns female prisoners on the remote Devil's Island , who work all day under exhausting conditions to collect gold for the French government , and if they want to " rest " one day they have to visit the guards ' rooms the previous night , if you know what I mean . One day a new warden arrives and takes over command of the prison , and his No 1 priority is to ensure the humane and respectful treatment of the prisoners . But could he have a secret agenda of his own ? And is that black guy whose boat crashes on the island really a fisherman ? I would like to give this film a higher rating than out of 4 , but I can't : the cinematography alone is among the worst I've ever encountered - everything appears to be seen through an awful orange filter . Ultimately , " Women of Devil's Island " is more of historical ( as one of the earliest women-in-prison flicks ) than of artistic interest .
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486,352 | 386,241 | 79,128 | 3 |
Boring cheapie .
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Cheaply made , plodding horror film that should have been much better considering it's based ( incredibly ) on a true story . Justifiably forgotten today , this only has a couple of effective moments . The scenes that are set in the past are filmed in an awful , yellow-tinted black-and-white that makes the film look even cheaper than it actually is . Jessica Harper deserves better . ( )
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485,671 | 386,241 | 86,972 | 3 |
The keeper of knowledge - Ator the avenger !
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Okay , the dialogue is unnecessarily portentous ( " I see . You want to test my powers of deduction " or " Mercy is not a virtue of the wicked " ) , the acting is bad ( especially by O'Keeffe and the guy who plays Zor ) , the special effects are embarrassing , the script is full of digressions instead of sticking to whatever story it has to tell . . . . . BUT this still a quite harmless film , and not the worst of its type ; out of those I've seen , " Hercules II " with Lou Ferrigno still holds that title . ( )
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486,236 | 386,241 | 67,148 | 3 |
Lame .
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Godzilla battles a monster made basically of toxic sludge . . . . and " sludge " is the operative word here . It's an awful , sleep-inducing movie , despite lots of ( ploddingly choreographed ) action . I haven't seen many Godzilla flicks , but this must rank near the bottom . It does have an honest " anti-pollution " message , though . . . . ( )
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487,447 | 386,241 | 94,627 | 3 |
Contains big SPOILERS !
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A few scary , brutal murder sequences , surrounded by a lot of triviality and talking . The pacing is stagnant ( there are many scenes that could have been trimmed ) and the story is absurd ( a girl falls off a swing , hits her head , develops amnesia and then becomes a homicidal psychopath out to get the nurses who treated her ! ! ! ) . Footnote : I don't think I've ever seen the police being more stupid and inactive than they are in this movie . ( )
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485,737 | 386,241 | 94,607 | 3 |
A thriller that doesn't thrill . . . . . .
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. . . . and that's just about the worst think that a thriller can be accused of . Unfortunately , this movie is " guilty " : it fails to involve the viewer and it lacks conviction ; the story was very uninteresting and there were very few occasions on which the filmmakers were able to convince me that something important was happening onscreen . It's a rather lethargic picture , despite some ( awkward ) occasional fast-cutting . The actors aren't bad , but you just don't care about the story or the characters . . . .
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486,386 | 386,241 | 87,015 | 3 |
Cruddy .
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This dull and utterly unscary horror film is cruddy in every department and I simply can't believe that some genre fans actually liked it . The fact that it was followed by a sequel ( ! ) also seems inexplicable to me . There are absolutely no scares here - and no gore , either ; our views of the " monsters " are always too brief - but not brief enough to hide how cheap the effects are . " C . H . U . D " is rock-bottom stuff , and no fun at all .
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486,877 | 386,241 | 923,938 | 3 |
Slow , dry , actionless and unerotic
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This is pretty much " The Terminator " with the sexes reversed : a female cyborg comes from the future not exactly to kill , but let's say to destroy the reproductive chances of the man who will become the father of the woman who in the future will become the leader of a resistance group against oppression , while another woman also comes from the future to protect him . The similarities end with the basic plot outline , though . " Terminatrix " is slow ( the 74 minutes feel like an eternity ) , dry , underpopulated , cheap ( and shot on video ) , actionless ( basically , there is not even one action sequence in the entire movie ) , and unerotic ( plenty of nudity and softcore sex , but more likely to put you to sleep than to turn you on ) . Kei Mizutani is cute , but this film is worthless . ( )
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486,771 | 386,241 | 79,197 | 3 |
Offensive trash - with one memorable part
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Much like Tinto Brass ( " Caligula " ) , the people who made this movie can't tell the difference between explicitness and eroticism . No build-up at all , just throw naked women on the screen ; no , it doesn't work that way . If close-ups of female genitalia aren't your thing , prepare to be looking away from the screen at many points ( I often did ) . The " all women are whores at heart " mentality of the movie is offensive , and the " story " is by turns absurd and boring ( the escape is the most boring part ! ) . But halfway through there is a random scene that pops out of nowhere and involves one of the ( female ) prisoners and one of the ( male ) guards in a nude wrestling match , which she wins with a couple of judo moves . Although the choreography of the fight is bad , the whole scene is undeniably memorable . In fact , that scene and the nice cinematography are the only two reasons I give this film out of 4 , instead of 0 .
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485,803 | 386,241 | 74,906 | 3 |
A fiasco !
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This incomprehensible picture simply doesn't make any sense . Considering its cast , it's a real disappointment . Even the two stars aren't very good : Nicholson gives a decent but mediocre performance , while Brando overacts embarrassingly , although it was probably impossible for any actor to play such a badly written role . The scenery is magnificent at times , and Nicholson has a cool line near the end ( beginning with " Do you know what woke you up ? " ) , but the film is still a fiasco .
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487,441 | 386,241 | 157,262 | 3 |
You've been warned .
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If you're a Leslie Nielsen fan , and you desperately want to see this movie , don't . It's a disastrous , too-frantic , headache-inducing , long , sloppily directed , senselessly written comedy . Read the comments on this page instead ; they are funnier ! I'll give it one star ( instead of none ) out of four though , simply for the rather elaborate production design . It's a shame that the people who worked on it saw their efforts wasted so badly .
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486,000 | 386,241 | 366,285 | 3 |
Hot girls , dreadful film
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Carlito's Angels is a spoof of " Charlie's Angels " that is not afraid to spoof even itself at times , however that does not mean that the film is above criticism by the viewers as well - it is amateurish and juvenile ( I think " fast-motion " stopped being funny around 1914 ) . The assaulting rap music often drowns out the dialogue , and the film feels longer than it is , even though it runs barely over an hour ! The girls themselves are hot & adorable , with wonderful lean bodies , and even though they never get naked , their outfits leave little to the imagination . By checking out their IMDb pages , I found out that one of them ( Alessandra Ramos ) is actually going through with a film career ; I wish her luck , because although this film is bad , she ( as well as the other girls ) gave it whatever energy it has and I wouldn't mind at all seeing her again on the screen . ( )
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485,825 | 386,241 | 102,122 | 3 |
Very badly acted and directed .
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The actors in this laughable , straight-to-video erotic " thriller " seem to be in a competition for booby prizes . It's really hard for the viewer to decide who gives the worst performance : the stunningly untalented Tanya Roberts , the irritating and unnatural Timothy Bottoms or the amazingly unattractive , horribly miscast Margaux Hemingway ? The script tries to hold our interest by continuously adding twists and doublecrosses , but the poor acting and the amateurish direction doom this suspesnseless film . All it has going for it are some hot sex scenes with Roberts . ( )
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