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LYDIA
Heigh-ho!--Yes, I always know when Lady Slattern has been before me.
She has a most observing thumb; and, I believe, cherishes her nails for
the convenience of making marginal notes.--Well, child, what have you
brought me?
LUCY
Oh! here, ma'am.--[Taking books from under her cloak, and from her
pockets.] This is _The Gordian Knot_,--and this _Peregrine Pickle_.
Here are _The Tears of Sensibility_, and _Humphrey Clinker_. This is
_The Memoirs of a Lady of Quality, written by herself_, and here the
second volume of _The Sentimental Journey_.
LYDIA
Heigh-ho!--What are those books by the glass?
LUCY
The great one is only _The Whole Duty of Man_, where I press a few
blonds, ma'am.
LYDIA
Very well--give me the sal volatile.
LUCY
Is it in a blue cover, ma'am?
LYDIA
My smelling-bottle, you simpleton!
LUCY
Oh, the drops!--here, ma'am.
LYDIA
Hold!--here's some one coming--quick, see who it is.----
[Exit LUCY.]
Surely I heard my cousin Julia's voice.
[Re-enter LUCY.]
LUCY
Lud! ma'am, here is Miss Melville.
LYDIA
Is it possible!----
[Exit LUCY.]
[Enter JULIA.]
LYDIA
My dearest Julia, how delighted am I!--[Embrace.] How unexpected was
this happiness!
JULIA
True, Lydia--and our pleasure is the greater.--But what has been the
matter?--you were denied to me at first!
LYDIA
Ah, Julia, I have a thousand things to tell you!--But first inform me
what has conjured you to Bath?--Is Sir Anthony here?
JULIA
He is--we are arrived within this hour--and I suppose he will be here
to wait on Mrs. Malaprop as soon as he is dressed.
LYDIA
Then before we are interrupted, let me impart to you some of my
distress!--I know your gentle nature will sympathize with me, though
your prudence may condemn me! My letters have informed you of my whole
connection with Beverley; but I have lost him, Julia! My aunt has
discovered our intercourse by a note she intercepted, and has confined
me ever since! Yet, would you believe it? she has absolutely fallen in
love with a tall Irish baronet she met one night since we have been
here, at Lady Macshuffle's rout.
JULIA
You jest, Lydia!
LYDIA
No, upon my word.--She really carries on a kind of correspondence with
him, under a feigned name though, till she chooses to be known to
him:--but it is a Delia or a Celia, I assure you.
JULIA
Then, surely, she is now more indulgent to her niece.
LYDIA
Quite the contrary. Since she has discovered her own frailty, she is
become more suspicious of mine. Then I must inform you of another
plague!--That odious Acres is to be in Bath to-day; so that I protest I
shall be teased out of all spirits!
JULIA
Come, come, Lydia, hope for the best--Sir Anthony shall use his
interest with Mrs. Malaprop.
LYDIA
But you have not heard the worst. Unfortunately I had quarrelled with