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O ma'am, here is Sir Anthony Absolute just come home with your aunt. |
LYDIA |
They'll not come here.--Lucy, do you watch. |
[Exit LUCY.] |
JULIA |
Yet I must go. Sir Anthony does not know I am here, and if we meet, |
he'll detain me, to show me the town. I'll take another opportunity of |
paying my respects to Mrs. Malaprop, when she shall treat me, as long |
as she chooses, with her select words so ingeniously misapplied, |
without being mispronounced. |
[Re-enter LUCY.] |
LUCY |
O Lud! ma'am, they are both coming up stairs. |
LYDIA |
Well, I'll not detain you, coz.--Adieu, my dear Julia. I'm sure you are |
in haste to send to Faulkland.--There--through my room you'll find |
another staircase. |
JULIA |
Adieu! [Embraces LYDIA, and exit.] |
LYDIA |
Here, my dear Lucy, hide these books. Quick, quick!--Fling _Peregrine |
Pickle_ under the toilet--throw _Roderick Random_ into the closet--put |
_The Innocent Adultery_ into _The Whole Duty of Man_--thrust _Lord |
Aimworth_ under the sofa--cram _Ovid_ behind the bolster--there--put |
_The Man of Feeling_ into your pocket--so, so--now lay _Mrs. Chapone_ |
in sight, and leave _Fordyce's Sermons_ open on the table. |
LUCY |
O burn it, ma'am! the hair-dresser has torn away as far as _Proper |
Pride_. |
LYDIA |
Never mind--open at _Sobriety_.--Fling me _Lord Chesterfields |
Letters_.--Now for 'em. |
[Exit LUCY.] |
[Enter Mrs. MALAPROP, and Sir ANTHONY ABSOLUTE.] |
Mrs. MALAPROP |
There, Sir Anthony, there sits the deliberate simpleton who wants to |
disgrace her family, and lavish herself on a fellow not worth a |
shilling. |
LYDIA |
Madam, I thought you once---- |
Mrs. MALAPROP |
You thought, miss! I don't know any business you have to think at |
all--thought does not become a young woman. But the point we would |
request of you is, that you will promise to forget this fellow--to |
illiterate him, I say, quite from your memory. |
LYDIA |
Ah, madam! our memories are independent of our wills. It is not so easy |
to forget. |
Mrs. MALAPROP |
But I say it is, miss; there is nothing on earth so easy as to forget, |
if a person chooses to set about it. I'm sure I have as much forgot |
your poor dear uncle as if he had never existed--and I thought it my |
duty so to do; and let me tell you, Lydia, these violent memories don't |
become a young woman. |
Sir ANTHONY |
Why sure she won't pretend to remember what she's ordered not!--ay, |
this comes of her reading! |
LYDIA |
What crime, madam, have I committed, to be treated thus? |
Mrs. MALAPROP |
Now don't attempt to extirpate yourself from the matter; you know I |
have proof controvertible of it.--But tell me, will you promise to do |
as you're bid? Will you take a husband of your friends' choosing? |
LYDIA |
Madam, I must tell you plainly, that had I no preferment for any one |
else, the choice you have made would be my aversion. |
Mrs. MALAPROP |
What business have you, miss, with preference and aversion? They don't |
become a young woman; and you ought to know, that as both always wear |
off, 'tis safest in matrimony to begin with a little aversion. I am |
sure I hated your poor dear uncle before marriage as if he'd been a |
blackamoor--and yet, miss, you are sensible what a wife I made!--and |
when it pleased Heaven to release me from him, 'tis unknown what tears |
I shed!--But suppose we were going to give you another choice, will you |
promise us to give up this Beverley? |
LYDIA |
Could I belie my thoughts so far as to give that promise, my actions |
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