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FAULKLAND
For no quality! To regard me for any quality of mind or understanding,
were only to esteem me. And for person--I have often wished myself
deformed, to be convinced that I owed no obligation there for any part
of your affection.

JULIA
Where nature has bestowed a show of nice attention in the features of a
man, he should laugh at it as misplaced. I have seen men, who in this
vain article, perhaps, might rank above you; but my heart has never
asked my eyes if it were so or not.

FAULKLAND
Now this is not well from you, Julia--I despise person in a man--yet if
you loved me as I wish, though I were an AEthiop, you'd think none so
fair.

JULIA
I see you are determined to be unkind! The contract which my poor
father bound us in gives you more than a lover's privilege.

FAULKLAND
Again, Julia, you raise ideas that feed and justify my doubts. I would
not have been more free--no--I am proud of my restraint.
Yet--yet--perhaps your high respect alone for this solemn compact has
fettered your inclinations, which else had made a worthier choice. How
shall I be sure, had you remained unbound in thought and promise, that
I should still have been the object of your persevering love?

JULIA
Then try me now. Let us be free as strangers as to what is past: my
heart will not feel more liberty!

FAULKLAND
There now! so hasty, Julia! so anxious to be free! If your love for me
were fixed and ardent, you would not lose your hold, even though I
wished it!

JULIA
Oh! you torture me to the heart! I cannot bear it.

FAULKLAND
I do not mean to distress you. If I loved you less I should never give
you an uneasy moment. But hear me. All my fretful doubts arise from
this. Women are not used to weigh and separate the motives of their
affections: the cold dictates of prudence, gratitude, or filial duty,
may sometimes be mistaken for the pleadings of the heart. I would not
boast--yet let me say, that I have neither age, person, nor character,
to found dislike on; my fortune such as few ladies could be charged
with indiscretion in the match. O Julia! when love receives such
countenance from prudence, nice minds will be suspicious of its birth.

JULIA
I know not whither your insinuations would tend:--but as they seem
pressing to insult me, I will spare you the regret of having done
so.--I have given you no cause for this! [Exit in tears.]

FAULKLAND
In tears! Stay, Julia: stay but for a moment.--The door is
fastened!--Julia!--my soul--but for one moment!--I hear her
sobbing!--'Sdeath! what a brute am I to use her thus! Yet
stay!--Ay--she is coming now:--how little resolution there is in a
woman!--how a few soft words can turn them!--No, faith!--she is not
coming either.--Why, Julia--my love--say but that you forgive me--come
but to tell me that--now this is being too resentful. Stay! she is
coming too--I thought she would--no steadiness in anything: her going
away must have been a mere trick then--she shan't see that I was hurt
by it.--I'll affect indifference--[Hums a tune; then listens.]
No--zounds! she's not coming!--nor don't intend it, I suppose.--This is
not steadiness, but obstinacy! Yet I deserve it.--What, after so long
an absence to quarrel with her tenderness!--'twas barbarous and
unmanly!--I should be ashamed to see her now.--I'll wait till her just
resentment is abated--and when I distress her so again, may I lose her
for ever! and be linked instead to some antique virago, whose gnawing
passions, and long hoarded spleen, shall make me curse my folly half
the day and all the night. [Exit.]

[Mrs. MALAPROP, with a letter in her hand, and CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.]

Mrs. MALAPROP
Your being Sir Anthony's son, captain, would itself be a sufficient
accommodation; but from the ingenuity of your appearance, I am
convinced you deserve the character here given of you.

ABSOLUTE
Permit me to say, madam, that as I never yet have had the pleasure of
seeing Miss Languish, my principal inducement in this affair at present
is the honour of being allied to Mrs. Malaprop; of whose intellectual
accomplishments, elegant manners, and unaffected learning, no tongue is
silent.

Mrs. MALAPROP
Sir, you do me infinite honour! I beg, captain, you'll be
seated.--[They sit.] Ah! few gentlemen, now-a-days, know how to value
the ineffectual qualities in a woman! few think how a little knowledge
becomes a gentlewoman!--Men have no sense now but for the worthless
flower of beauty!

ABSOLUTE

FAULKLAND

For no quality! To regard me for any quality of mind or understanding,

were only to esteem me. And for person--I have often wished myself

deformed, to be convinced that I owed no obligation there for any part

of your affection.

JULIA

Where nature has bestowed a show of nice attention in the features of a

man, he should laugh at it as misplaced. I have seen men, who in this

vain article, perhaps, might rank above you; but my heart has never

asked my eyes if it were so or not.

FAULKLAND

Now this is not well from you, Julia--I despise person in a man--yet if

you loved me as I wish, though I were an AEthiop, you'd think none so

fair.

JULIA

I see you are determined to be unkind! The contract which my poor

father bound us in gives you more than a lover's privilege.

FAULKLAND

Again, Julia, you raise ideas that feed and justify my doubts. I would

not have been more free--no--I am proud of my restraint.

Yet--yet--perhaps your high respect alone for this solemn compact has

fettered your inclinations, which else had made a worthier choice. How

shall I be sure, had you remained unbound in thought and promise, that

I should still have been the object of your persevering love?

JULIA

Then try me now. Let us be free as strangers as to what is past: my

heart will not feel more liberty!

FAULKLAND

There now! so hasty, Julia! so anxious to be free! If your love for me

were fixed and ardent, you would not lose your hold, even though I

wished it!

JULIA

Oh! you torture me to the heart! I cannot bear it.

FAULKLAND

I do not mean to distress you. If I loved you less I should never give

you an uneasy moment. But hear me. All my fretful doubts arise from

this. Women are not used to weigh and separate the motives of their

affections: the cold dictates of prudence, gratitude, or filial duty,

may sometimes be mistaken for the pleadings of the heart. I would not

boast--yet let me say, that I have neither age, person, nor character,

to found dislike on; my fortune such as few ladies could be charged

with indiscretion in the match. O Julia! when love receives such

countenance from prudence, nice minds will be suspicious of its birth.

JULIA

I know not whither your insinuations would tend:--but as they seem

pressing to insult me, I will spare you the regret of having done

so.--I have given you no cause for this! [Exit in tears.]

FAULKLAND

In tears! Stay, Julia: stay but for a moment.--The door is

fastened!--Julia!--my soul--but for one moment!--I hear her

sobbing!--'Sdeath! what a brute am I to use her thus! Yet

stay!--Ay--she is coming now:--how little resolution there is in a

woman!--how a few soft words can turn them!--No, faith!--she is not

coming either.--Why, Julia--my love--say but that you forgive me--come

but to tell me that--now this is being too resentful. Stay! she is

coming too--I thought she would--no steadiness in anything: her going

away must have been a mere trick then--she shan't see that I was hurt

by it.--I'll affect indifference--[Hums a tune; then listens.]

No--zounds! she's not coming!--nor don't intend it, I suppose.--This is

not steadiness, but obstinacy! Yet I deserve it.--What, after so long

an absence to quarrel with her tenderness!--'twas barbarous and

unmanly!--I should be ashamed to see her now.--I'll wait till her just

resentment is abated--and when I distress her so again, may I lose her

for ever! and be linked instead to some antique virago, whose gnawing

passions, and long hoarded spleen, shall make me curse my folly half

the day and all the night. [Exit.]

[Mrs. MALAPROP, with a letter in her hand, and CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.]

Mrs. MALAPROP

Your being Sir Anthony's son, captain, would itself be a sufficient

accommodation; but from the ingenuity of your appearance, I am

convinced you deserve the character here given of you.

ABSOLUTE

Permit me to say, madam, that as I never yet have had the pleasure of

seeing Miss Languish, my principal inducement in this affair at present

is the honour of being allied to Mrs. Malaprop; of whose intellectual

accomplishments, elegant manners, and unaffected learning, no tongue is

silent.

Mrs. MALAPROP

Sir, you do me infinite honour! I beg, captain, you'll be

seated.--[They sit.] Ah! few gentlemen, now-a-days, know how to value

the ineffectual qualities in a woman! few think how a little knowledge

becomes a gentlewoman!--Men have no sense now but for the worthless

flower of beauty!

ABSOLUTE