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3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 22,July,2004 | Next Wednesday eh? I will have to cut my movie short, but okay, I've done it in the form of Kill Bill, which means chapters, which means everything is fairly short and compartmented, so it won't be all that difficult for me to finish for next Wednesday, can't promise anything all that long though, its sort of a prelude, I still need to think up a proper storyline for the main thing, :/ final verdict: deadline is no problem for me Just don't expect uber.swf that's all Over and out James, urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 22,July,2004 | what about you james can you meet it?? if james cant meet it either then ill put it back till the following wednesday plus why does jamie have to network 30 pcs why does ur dad need that many networked or are u doing them for his work heres some sites for good sound effects, the 3rd one u can download xaio sounds and stuff urlLink http://www.flashkit.com/soundfx/ urlLink http://www.findsounds.com/ urlLink http://www.stickslaughter.com/site/downloads.php i just need sumthing to motivate me 2 make starwars 3 thats why the deadline is there plus we need content and gett he site up and running, jamie can u get 50mb space for monday off fish for the time being and if u can get the qub webspace then we can use that isntead then, and if u can get forums cause i will have to change all the forum links on all the pages (3 per page) to that address. ive made a forum at urlLink http://dbeckett.fragism.com/gl-bin/forum/ which i want us to use temporary till we get abp forums, dont want the link on the site just forums for the admins of bg studios so we can discuss our current movies and stuff Beckett , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 21,July,2004 | Sorry my friends, I will defianately not get my flash finished by then. Seeing that its somthing like 2 minutes, most of it which is total co-ordinated sword fighting. I want something to be quality, not a rushed piece of crap. As you can see, I haven't been on the net recenty due to the fact I didnt have time, having a job, then the CDRW drivers failing and crashing as I watched The Matrix: Reloaded in the drive, and then to find out the flopply drive had done a kari-kari and died on me, randomly. So I had to get a new floppy, try to fix the problem unsucessfully with the CDRW, etc etc. I wont be on the next few days either as I have to work out the optimum method of networking my dads 30+ pcs which includes PIII500s, P4 1.4s, P4 1.7s, 2.4, 2.8, and many more, some on linux (different versions), some on windows 2k, some on XP!!!And then I have to build my dads new PC when it comes, which is good :) At the moment, the deadline is far too unreasonable for me, sorry folks, though if you really want, I'll send you what I have. I want it to be good, and I do not want any work rushed to achieve the deadline, though I do admit it is not a bad idea. I'm glad Beckett did this to motive the team. Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 21,July,2004 | This is a warning issued to all sufferers of Shecklerscholosis. Do NOT expose yourself to the face of Tony Blair, even on television, as it may trigger a very bad reaction. *Cue dead ringers music* Right...deadline...I'm working on my flash, Wanderers, Episode 1. Finished the first half of it, which is nothing but music, movement and random talk. But the latter half is full of fighting. Rhue against four Lyn...who will win? Well...programming the fighting's gonna be hard...so many sound effects to add in as well as blood splatter. Meh...but if I can't get it done, well, my article will have to do. I shall now beam myself back to my comphy computer chair...peace. Tull, urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 21,July,2004 | ok every1 has to handin a piece of work by thursday but the work has to be finished on the wednesday to give you time to add finishing touches after that you can relax for a week or do some work then we will set a deadline for around the 10th of august or sumthing i will try and get the preloader for flash to every1 by around monday Beckett , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 21,July,2004 | Bleh... Thanks for the comments Beckett, it was just me doing something different for a change, plus I get to use some AS I'd just learnt, You're prolly right that it's not the best for the format of the site. Do we actually have a deadline? ie. Next Tuesday? Just checking, cuz I'm gonna be away during the weekend, will still try and make it though That's me for now, Over and out James , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 21,July,2004 | Currently having a homemade milkshilk made by me, pretty good considering i have never made one before and no1 told me how to plus i had 2 stir the icecream for ages by hand to make it soft and turn it into chocolate flavour... really nice Now done to work we need content, the only way this can go wrong is if nobody make anything and there aint any comunication. I think we should set a deadline that everyone has to submit a good piece of work, eg around next tuesday so we can get content and start to get hits and have something to talk about. so what do you think everyone has to submit a piece of work article/flash between monday and thursday plus it will make me actually start about making flash, couldnt be bothered at sec Done no work today cuase went to see spiderman2 during afternoon and evening was installing new wireless phones that my dad had just bought and was watching tv. James design doesnt suit the site enough ok i can see youve spent alot of time at it but you dont want the navigation to stand out and using flash makes things stand out, plus the current navigation is better, its a bit smaller and in your one clicking for the navigatin to appear isnt very proffessional, i like it the way it is small, simple, easily fixed and quick to download Beckett , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 21,July,2004 | Bleh... Hold yer horses there Beckett, I am indeed in Canada, so there's no reason to celebrate yet. Anyway, didn't get that much time on the computer today, so I decided to make some buttons for the site instead of my usual project, they look okay to me, but will probably need refining for the particular colour scheme of the site. I'll send them to Jamie, and he can decide what to do with them. James , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 20,July,2004 | Ok just put counter on and so far weve had 3 visitor me, a person from CANDADA and sum1 else. (is james in canda if so that could be him) Don't want to make any more pages on site since when we get the forums i have to change every page's forum link (3 links on every page) and more pages there are more work needed so i couldnt be bothered. Havent done much today just fixed the roblems james noted and changed contact page form's colours and added my bin laden game not much Beckett , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 19,July,2004 | Lo to all the residents of Sheckington. I'm inclined to join James in giving the one-fingered salute to Jamie...but decided that the Grand One isn't worth the 'honour.' As for Beckett's post...what about capital letters in the title? ^^ I've done my first ever sprite flash (13seconds) and when I finish those articles, I shall get to work with the latest Wanderers flash movie, featuring Rhue aka Mr Blue. Just need time...and some morale to get to that 1 min+ requirement for each movie ;_;... And I shall close with the remark, 'Change is inevitable...except from vending machines.' Tull, urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 19,July,2004 | Ok all those mistakes well mine since i done 95% of content, never had a chance to check over it all. Its good that you like the design. I never knew if you wanted your blog pic on the site, you know your actual pic, do you??? just incase you dont want it on i put a random pic in. There aint enough content so i dont want people to go to the site yet so i put the logo in and done under construction to make them think you cant view the site yet, gonna take all that page out when i get a bit more content and everything working. Can we also get a proper logo for the site, that we can put on all our presentations cause i need to change all my good flash to bg studios. If you want to add content to the staff site i.e comment or any other page then send an email to me urlLink [email protected] thanks, p.s if you havent noticed i put capital letters in (just to please han) Beckett , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 19,July,2004 | Bleh... In respect of Jamie's various purchases, I have this for him: *One finger salute* *mutters* lucky b****** Ah well, I'm not to argue, the fat mess has returned, so if all else fails I have a new guy to get sheesh kebabed in my flash :) I think I'd better go back to my own blog now, need to get the formatting fixed, and for Jamie's benefit I've changed the layout back :/ Hmm, this is the first time I've tried something that isn't Trebuchet, but I can't say much Never trust a font that can't do colon forward slash properly... Also (pay attention now Jamie) I've had a look at the site, and it looks pretty good, just a coupla points though On the front page it says ' company ' and since when were we a company exactly? Ummm, you guys left out the apostrophe in ' we've ' on the front page, just point out that spelling mistakes look pretty random... WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE PICTURE OF A SURFER? (self explanatory really) The logo at the start looks random, just a thought... Can we please remove the 'Site under construction' banner thingy? Since I'm thinking the site will always be under construction as we're adding things to it... I know that was quite a few points, but just some stuff for our 'Glorious Leader' to consider in his free time... And when he has more free time he can go see wtf is wrong with the formatting in Life Eh?... :/ Over and out James urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 19,July,2004 | I can almost say urlLink www.blackghoststudios.tk is finished! Me and Beckett (mainly Beckett) have worked on it for a long afternoon and evening, and its looking pretty l33t! All credit goes to Beckett who adapted the layout, and design most of the site, while I suggested this and that, and did some of the table layouts. Everybody is working: Jamie - Working on the site, pages, and ads and his Flash movie evil.swf (not the final name, btw) Beckett - Working on the site, pages, logos, layout... etc (a lot of work here) Han - working on his articles, and his Flash animation, still unnamed right now, though its suppose to be a sprite animation James - Not sure, but think he is working on his Flash animation, a parody of Kill Bill? Good work done today, pretty happy with all the progress. Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 18,July,2004 | Lo all you Shecklers out there. I have finished my first ever 13 second flash! Well, 13 seconds of animations. And my smilie collection is constantly growing for the *cough* inevitable *cough cough* invisionpower board. As for articles...they've been put on a temporary halt as I did my first flash, but now that that's done, I'm back on track. I've decided to put 20 points in the Too much C'n'C one, so not much left to do. Random Thoughts...need two more thoughts to write about before that's finished. So I end this blog post thingie with a quote from...Wilde. 'America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.' -Oscar Wilde. Lovely quote describing one of my favourite countries, America. *Retches* Tull, urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 18,July,2004 | The sites template is around 96% completed, now for content if u have content email me urlLink [email protected] , ill probaly add most of the stupid stuff that ive made for urlLink www.useless-flash.tk just added movies page Beckett , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 18,July,2004 | Hey site template up go to urlLink www.blackghoststudios.tk and click on the logo, still aint that good, want it 2 look alot better Beckett , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 18,July,2004 | My dad ordered all his stuff today, for you who don't know, he had £2000 [up from 1500 I said before] to spend on various stuff. He let me decide what to order. I may have posted before what I wanted to order, but that has changed now, this is what he has ordered: (btw, if you don't understand, just ignore and move on:/) 2x Opteron 242 1.6ghz 1MB cache 64bit 1x Dual Socket 940 MSI EXT-ATX motherboard 2x WD Raptor 36.7GB 10,000RPM SATA Hard drives 1x RAID controller 2x 1GB PC3200 ECC RAM (yes, 2GB of RAM, muwahaha) 1x Inwin 7010 tower case (very nice, has an intergrated fan controller) 1x 550W Meridian Power supply (uber power) 1x Samsung black DVD-ROM and Sony black Floppy 1x Gainward Geforce 6800 GT *Golden Sample* (pre-o/c, xtra cooling) 1x Microsoft wireless desktop set Pretty good, no? Plus hes gonna use the 19' Sony TFT he had bought earlier. Ever better, is the fact that I get to swap my crappy Geforce4 Ti4600 with his Geforce6 6800GT! Thing is, I could have got a 6800 Ultra! It was only £20 more, so my dad agreed, but then I realized that my power supply only had 1 more molex connection free, while 2 molex connections were needed by the 6800 ultra (a molex connection is the thing you power your optical drives/hard drvies with) 1 F£%ing molex connection away from a 6800 ultra! Son of a b#$&h! otherwise, I'm getting a DAH-1000 512MB MP3 player: and a Dita V3KC (Korean Curve) hockey stick: Heheheheh, any time soon, I will buy. Kinda need to work on my Flash anim again. Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 18,July,2004 | Whoever invited Beckett is indeed very smart. Good thinking :) Just a bit retarded for not doing it myself, lol. I changed the link, so Black Ghost Staff indeed goes to the new URL :) I'll alos work on a small logo hopefully less than 500k, to stick in front of projects, and such like. I also gave Beckett admin access like everyone else. I sent beckett an lengthy email describling several topics we were discussing, and everything looks well. So i'm happy :) Han's doing work on his articles, Becketts working on the site, I'm working on my flash, and james on his (which is quite a bonus) All I can say is good good good :) Hopefully something will become of this, but theres a 99% chance of everything becoming like Hiroshima '45, ie: everything F$%ked up. As long as people are prepared to work, I think It will become the 1% chance of a success. Maybe I should be less optimisitc and look at the defination of ghostanomics: [2] miserable failure... Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 17,July,2004 | G'day to all you shecks out there. I'm taking up flash...but until I figure out how to even open the application, I shan't be contributing anything in that field. But onto the articles...two articles currently active. They are: 1. Random Thoughts, Collection 1 2. You know when you've played too much C'n'C Cheers to Jamie for the second one :). Now, down to discussion as to whether the things on Jamie's katana action thriller (j/k) are eggs or blobs. IMHO, eggs generally do not go around decapitating, dismembering and disembowling (my 3Ds) each other, unless they're in flash movies...on the other hand, blobs IMO don't have a regular shape, they resemble the things which inhabitate the bottom of a cesspit. So let's all just say that those 3D-ers are blobby eggs. ~Tull, Black Ghost Studios staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 17,July,2004 | Hey never knew about this till today, just to let you know in one of the other posts it said beckett.co.uk well its actually dbeckett.co.uk, i havent started on the site yet but will start on it tomorrow shouldnt take me too long, black ghost aint up and running until you get a site, ive registered BLACKGHOSTSTUDIOS.TK. site should be up soon and can sum1 get webspace Beckett , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 17,July,2004 | Bleh... This is wingdings, try that for minimalist :P Props to you if you can read that without pasting it onto Word and changing the font to something normal... After an hour of work, I've got about 20 seconds of bugger all... that's the bad news, the good news is that I've got a storyline, and I can now work on it properly... Jamie is soooo lucky he can just do his randomly coloured background, I actually have to make my own in Photoshop, which can be a pain in the neck when the damn computer freezes every 2 seconds, even you open something like ****ing notepad... I'm moving into rant now aren't I... Btw Jamie, you can help me with this... How badly will having 1Gb of RAM cripple a Chinese version of Win 98? until next time... Over and out James urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 16,July,2004 | Hmm, Blogger seemed to have updated the GUI once again. Now I don't need to look up the 'img src =' for images HTML tag again, woohoo! Also, you can change font, but the funny thing is, the default font is Georgia which is my preferred font, so no changes there! I see James has changed to a smaller lighter font, being minimalist again >_> Haven't got any Flash done today, just couldn't be bothered. I hear James is actually working on hid Flash project... That's good news, no? Note to James: They are NOT eggs! They are blobs :) Also noticed the gif image stretched out which screws up the layout. In the future, don't do that, notice that James. Thing is, although I have published the whole blog a million times over, I don't see the changes for at least an hour or two, unlike Life Eh? Which does it immediately :I've actually got 1700 frames in the Flash of the movie in the 1st scene. There will be 1 more full scene, and a credits scene and a preloader scene. I also have the basic storylines for the sequels, parts 2 and 3 of the Flash. Pretty l33t, huh? I'm also thinking for running a Invision board jacked up with some nice cosmetic hacks with Han admining it, running for 3 sites, Black Ghost Studios [run by Beckett and me], Dragontail's Lair (Build II) [run by Han and me] and dbeckett.co.uk [run by Beckett]. At the moment I'm trying to persuade Fish aka Daniel to do it. He hasn't responded yet ):/Once that happens, I'll try to get all 3 sites on a webring. Heheheh }:] Gotta make most of the l33t idea before Fish says no. Probably. Heh, must plead some more. Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 15,July,2004 | Bleh... Works begins on my idea of flash version of Kill Bill (I still have to name the movie, but plenty of time for that), or Jamie's gonna want my ass on a silver platter. I currently face the problem of figures, I have a choice of stickmen or the eggs like in Jamie's katana dudes. 2 problems, the stickmen will require a lot more work as their various body parts will have to move... Eggs have the opposite problem, they don't show enough movement, how the hell am I supposed to show a kick? Eggs going in with their bottoms??? Bah... I'll try and get a trailer up soon for you to look over... (Just so it'll look pr0, as Jamie likes to say) Over and out... James urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 15,July,2004 | 'sup folks, [EDIT:] - i'll explain why i removed the image urlLink click here to view Well, rather large, but still, pretty neat, no? Waiting to see what James comes up with :/ Maybe hes working on something? Or maybe hes doing nothing (99% more likely) >: Meanwhile I continue to wokr on the Flash (I've shown Han already 2/3 of it) Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 14,July,2004 | Nothing really to contribute in this post, except to tie up some loose ends. Preferably make the forums Invision, as I have the most (N.B. all) experience in it. I'll need some webspace allocated for Invision for custom skins and custom buttons(Reply, New Topic etc etc...) Also, I've reached what is known as a 'writer's block' for my articles. Absolutely no ideas...except for some articles including collections of random thoughts...which seem to allocate themselves the larger portion of my brain...ster-ange. -Tull |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 13,July,2004 | Part of the movie: Look at all the motion tween in the layers! Arghh More on this later? maybe? :/ Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 11,July,2004 | Worked on some Flash today. The result is 31.3 seconds of pure kantana action :) At 24 fps, this little flick is rocking, with kantanas, dai-kanatanas, throwing knifes, shrunkiens(might remove this later on), short swords and axes mixing with blood and little dudes. Theres like 24+ layers, so I had to switch resolution to 1280x1024 to get more stuff on screen. I will post a screenie later. I wonder how Beckett is getting on with the site? Also, I have decided to have a full forum (invision prob), and I also putt Tull in charge. I also advice him to look at urlLink this skin resource site . Its pretty l33t for Invision boards :) James better start to create some stuff in Flash, his wee exuse of no access resources is rubbish >:| I produce 0% resource content Flash, with 100% of my own work, all drawn inside Flash. Have to go to work tomorrow, must earn cash for l33t hockey stick and mp3 player. Have fun the rest of you, Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 11,July,2004 | *Ahem* Under pressure from certain groups to make a post, I have put together a small and not so detailed message to add to this Black Ghost blog thing. Testing...1...2...3 Right, the name 'Blog' is about as random as this post is. The term, 'Blog' generally makes me think of a mess, in particular mashed potatoes. This is *probably* what this blog is about, mashed potatoes, perhaps some of the games Black Ghost is making will include a mashed potatoe fight. But I shall be writing articles, possibly reviews if James can get a decent flash game/movie up :P. Oh, and RPG designing, my specialty, ripping gfx from other games. Oh, and surfing the large large net for useful things to add to the site. Oh yeah, I'm the master of Invisionpower Board forums, giving me admin powers means you get the most out of your forum, trust me :D 'It is equally offensive to speed a guest who would like to stay and to detain one who is anxious to leave.' -Homer. (Which I've experience before.) -Tull, Black Ghost Studios staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 11,July,2004 | Long time no post :/ Mainly cos of Morrowind. Anyways, Beckett should be back soon and us two will try to work out a site for Black Ghost. I decided the blog can be related to anything, so it doesnt have to be with Black Ghost. Hopefully, that adds freedom :) Added Tull a long time ago, but he hasnt posted. His time is short. I mean it! Dads got a £1500 to spend randomly on PCs. I have convinced him to spend it on a PC which I will build. Here are the the specs: Pentium 4 3.2ghz | 1gb cosair PC4000 memory | 2 x 120gb Hard disks in RAID 0 | 875P Albatron motherboard >:) | geforce 6800 GT | 19' TFT Sharp time to overclock it to 3.7ghz muwhahaha Meanwhile must go back to messing around with Flash :) Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 03,July,2004 | Set up, well tried to set up Apache on my computer. It works, but there's a slight problem. My router seems to stop all incoming traffic, even though I open port 80, enable DMZ on my IP and disable the hardware SPI firewall. Meaning everyone part from me get a 404 error. Its enough to make me throw it out the window. I even registered http://dragontail.serverbox.org, which directs all traffic to my IP. Shame it all gets blocked though >:( Me and Beckett have agreed to develop a template site for Black Ghost, while James is continuing to fiddle about with Flash trying to create his pr0 movie. Only problem is he is on a 56k, and hes never gonna get the right resources. Well, thats his excuse. Han is, well, not doing much. Great. I'm having some doubts to see what he is willing to produce. Better late than never I suppose. I swear, this stupid router is gonna piss me off till I throw my ultra heavy goldfish bowl 17' monitor at it. What else can I do? Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 02,July,2004 | Did a small change to the template. See if you can spot it :) Also give James admin control, dunno if thats smart, but I trust him... :/ On a side note, kinda expect this sorta crap to pop up now on my old laptop since we got win98 installed :) Tribute to thy l33tn3$$, Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 01,July,2004 | Meh... Tis me... again...in all my bleh and meh glory... :P Yes... I appear to be on the payroll (in expression only unfortunately) of this Black Ghost Studios... I'll be doing random VB proggies and Flash... Flash being more likely for the time being considering my Aunt (whom I'm staying with over most for the summer) has no VB... ah well, tis an opportunity to brush up on Action Script... assuming the cousin doesn't scream too much... *sigh* Bleh... James , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 01,July,2004 | Dear Lord, asked some friends if they wanted to join Black Ghost Studios, providing that *insert huge list of details here*, and so far a pretty +ve response. Quality, quality. James is added as a member in this blog, but it will take him another couple of hours before he realises, cos he is kinda like 5+ hours behind the GMT time in Canada. Grrreat! More later. Maybe. Tribute to thy l33tn3$$, Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 01,July,2004 | The 1st post is always the hardest one. It is my job to make it less hard for myself. First, you may be wondering: [side note: you , like, someone else apart from me is readings this?] what is the purpose of this blog? The simple answer to that is to act as a jotpad for ideas and thoughts for the staff and friends of Black Ghost Studios . Erm, Black Ghost Studios? Yeh, Black Ghost Studios is a Studio dedicated in indie development, by indie developers. It started as a hobby for me, and it still is. I have to wait and see how far the rest of my friends are willing to stay with Black Ghost Studios . Yeh whatever, you're just a bunch of losers! Thanks, just read the meaning of Ghostanomics :) James won't be the most happy man in the world when he sees this, but I promise to him this is just occasional postings, I will still post in urlLink Life eh? Meanwhile, to find out a little more, why not check out my urlLink website ? View the forums, and you should see a new template for it. Should be cool B), see you there. Tribute to thy l33tn3$$, Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Admin |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 14,August,2004 | hi again abp site is down, should be back up when fish comes back from holiday and he doesnt know when that will be he says he should be back by monday but may be later, started work on agfa4, not much content yet, take it jamie has been doing alot with his job and his new pc, oh well lol can james maybe submit some content by the thursday 26th, can be a movie download thing nething we need something from anyone, i know youve got ur holiday so dont worry if u cant. same for jamie but i know u ahev a lot of work so dont worry if u cant Beckett , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 11,August,2004 | Bleh... I'm stuck for something to do... > And the massive amounts of Homework my parents have set me isn't helping... Anyone any ideas? Or am I stuck with tutorials? Over and out James , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 09,August,2004 | Graphics: Scene 1 preloader: 100% Scene 2 introduction [60 secs]: 17% Scene 3 meeting: [20 secs]: 0% Scene 4 road: [66 secs]: 100% Scene 5 shrine: [80 secs]: 83% Scene 6 Credits: [10 secs]: 0% Total: aprox: 3 mins+ and 300/600 [50%] Sound: All scenes: 0% Total: 0/600 [0%] well, the last scene is longer than I thought, but worked a good 3 hours on the flash today... :/ Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 07,August,2004 | Well, I done the logo. At 20fps, and 400x300 dimension, I think it came out pretty well. I really like the font, Can't remember what it is though :/ I gonna start the banner and then the ads plus the 88x31 buttons like the ones I'd done for DL. Wonder what name to use, BlackGhostStudios is kinda long... maybe just Black Ghost... Well on another note, most of the components for the PC has arrived. Just the Gainward geforce 6800GT *Golden Sample* hasn't arrived yet. The manufacter don't know when they can get the board produced and sent to us, LOL cos its so rare. So, the ppl at XFX are ever better at selling rare graphics cards. The Geforce 6800 Ultra Ultimate Edition (LOL @ the name already) is so rare that potenial buyers must enter into a ballot to be drawn to even buy the card... at an cost of $600 X-D -=ROFLMAO=- Only 100 cards have ever been sold. Its only ever faster than the normal 6800 ultra in extreme situations, like Far Cry 1600x1200, ultra high settings, 4x antialiasing 8x anistrophic filtering and Unreal II 3200x2400 (LOLOL @ that res) max details and 4XAA and 8x AF. But its $100 more expensive. I also have a 486 chip and 16MB EDO memory stick in my bedroom randomly, and I compared it to the opteron 64 242 and a 1GB ECC DDR PC4000 stick. 10 years of technology side by side... Not much difference in terms of shape and colour and stuff...:/ Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 06,August,2004 | ok can every1 try to post in forums as much as they can cause we need as many posts as possible, just added a wallpaper to the downlaods seciton aint that good but it takes up room which is good :):) if u want 2 help me wiht storyline for part 4 of agfa talk to me in msn beckett |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 06,August,2004 | urlLink http://abpni.serverbox.org/bgs-forums forums are now up Han has released wanderers part 2 it is now on the site urlLink http://abpni.serverbox.org/bgs/secure - u can get to it another way by going to site and on news page click on the title Black Ghost Studios on the secure-downloads up the new flash intro is ready to be downloaded and be put on all your flash movies i just added an invisible counter 2 every page so we cna see whta movies are the most popular JAMES AND HAN AGREE TO TH BGS TERMS AND CONDITIONS BY REPLYING TO JAMIE every1 register in the forums, have fun do some flash and talk to ya soon BECKETT |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 03,August,2004 | ok what terms and conditions??? do we really want ppl coming to this blog, this is really just for us 2 joke around and talk about stuff, not sure if i would want the public seeing this (and my spelling mistakes :P) ADDED FORUMS just added forums to the site its just temporary till fish can be bothered 2 get us forums, whenever that will be lol PROJECTS ok the projects page has now got info, still havent done new layout for the projects page, done a tiny bit of it, can jamie and james give me more info for their section MY PROJECT does anyone think i should amke a flash game instead of agfa, we really need more games and downloads can jamie if he has time make a download of some sort, nething really thanks! Beckett , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 02,August,2004 | Again, everything seems to go very well so far for BGS. Beckett's being doing some good work on the site, while Han's working hard on his flash anims. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to finish my animation on time for the new deadline. However, the movie is still going very strong and I plan to finish it before August 20th. The temp. frums will have to do for the meantime, till we get our new invision one from ABP. One of the affiliates on the site should be BGS offical blog which would like to this! I also need to create a new 33x81 button for BGS and BGS Ofical Blog and some banners, plus a new logo :/ Hopefully, that will be soon. I will also create a new revision of BGS terms and conditions and a doc with Future Info as soon as I have free time. Otherwise, thats all from me right now. Jamie , urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
3,961,110 | male | 14 | Student | Cancer | 01,August,2004 | And Sheckloproduction has ground to a halt... Right, I'll be releasing a screen of Episode 2 soon, as soon as i get all the graphics i'll be needing ripped. *Bit about beckett deleted cause beckett didnt like it* - edited by beckett Changed storyline of Episode 2, got a much better one. I'll just say that there'll be a 'duelling' battle, called the Plunge, where the two opponents run up to each other and jump up, and attack. There'll be blade arts possibly if I can be bothered to grab them, but you'll understand all. Red hair to all! Tull, urlLink Black Ghost Staff |
4,129,346 | female | 24 | Arts | Gemini | 13,August,2004 | So at work I'm doing the work of two people. I have every Tom, Dick and Harry asking me status on projects,deadlines and let's not forget the occassional favor. Out of the things that I have going on, I forget one email to send. I say 'I'm sorry I forgot' and I get 'that's no excuse'. At which point i get nasty and say 'Give me a fucking break, I can't be everybody's bitch!' What the fuck is wrong with these people. I really shouldn't care as I will have new fucking problems soon enough. I'll be living in London in about 3 weeks and I'll be with out a job. God, that really scares the shit out of me. I have to get my but up tomorrow morning to help Tami move her stuff over from Brooklyn to my place in The Bronx. I'm glad she'll be taking the responsiblities of my apartment. It is such a godsend. However I'll be living with George (tami's boyfriend) in London. So I think it'll work out okay. I definatly need to get a job there as I don't want to over stay my welcome with him. So.... Jonathan sends me a text today mentioning his new powerbook and how after he and his brother installed everything they realized the computer had a few kinks in it. I usually get excited to recieved texts from him but now I feel like I need to begin distancing myself from him. I feel it's the best thing for me. i can't afford to have feelings for some bloke in London who still batty over his ex-girlfriend and every other Latin Woman that cross's his path. I don't know what the fuck. Maybe I don't look Puerto Rican enough for him or something. The truth is when I'm around him he really doesn't make me feel like he's in to me. Like he's not interested in me as a person. I asked him if his ex, even after all the fucked up things she did to him would ask him back would he go? Jonathan said yes. I can't continue talking with someone who is not capable of feeling for me. At least I'm making an effort. Now i must find a way to tone it down with him. I know some may say. Fuck that niggar. But I'm not like that. I think I have a little more feeling for others even though they don't have the same regards for me. Then there's Andrew (another fucking brit). At least I know where the fuck he's coming from. He's interested in sex with me. I won't lie, it wasn't that bad with him but that's all there is. When I am with him he does treat me like a queen. He draws a bath for me, cooks me dinner, goes on long walks through the forest with me. He even listens when i talk even though I know for a fact that I'm yapping too much and that what I'm talking about doesn't interest him that much. I think Jonathan just finds me (his words, not mine) amusing. In the states when someone says something like that it usually means that you're there for the person's entertainment. Once again London English verses New York English. What the fuck are these people going on about. Okay, I think I'm brit bashing. They're not all the same. There is one I'm going to keep secret for a while but I think I'll speak about him. When I first met him it was nothing big at all. It was very friendly. Actually I haven't met anyone as quick witted as he. Sometimes after a conversation with him i feel like i need to smoke a joint or something. Never met someone who can stimulate me mentally like he does. Out of everyone here, I think that he would hold his own fine with my family and friends. That's something that's really important to me. Culture wise, i think we're on simular pages also. Another plus for me. I know there's something there because I want to take it slow with him. I want to work on this friendship that has developed. I need to know if we could be friends before I move into lovers but we'll see. I'm a rash person who makes rash decisiosns. I'm working on the part of me that needs work. Patience. I'm going to reply to an email from him that looks like the begining of something. Of course it wouldn't be complete if we werent' humoruous with one another. That's what seems to be working right now. I'm gonna try to go with the flow. We'll see about that. |
4,129,346 | female | 24 | Arts | Gemini | 12,August,2004 | Okay, I'm realizing that I'm missing Joe more than I led myself to believe. I was on the train this morning listening to Linkin Park (joe used to listen to them all the time) and I've finally started listening to the words of all of the songs and I realize that is how he probably how he felt being with me. The sad part is that is how I feel now. I wonder if he misses me the same way I miss him. I really miss his company when I did get it. Today I spoke to Jonathan and that guy is just as fucked up as I am regarding having feelings for an ex. What the fuck is my deal?!!? Why do I still talk to him? My initial instinct was 'this guy is too good to be true' and it turns out my instinct was correct. He's still in love with his ex. I'd be a hypocrite if i couldn't be accepting of that because I believe that I'm still in love with joe. I mean Crap, I almost started balling on the train ride this morning on the way to work just thinking about us. I think that is why I continue talking to Jonathan. Do I deserve someone who's totally into me? yes i do, but it's unfair because I can't give myself fully to anyone else at the moment. Maybe that's why ( i can't speak for him) i feel we continue to amuse eachother. It must be a distraction on both ends. There's this Linkin Park song 'Somewhere I belong'. I think it sums up how I truly feel at this given moment. 'Somewhere I Belong' (When this began) I had nothin' to say, And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me, (I was confused) And I'd let it all out to find, That I'm not the only person with these things in mind, (Inside of me) But all the vacancy the words revealed, Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel, (Nothin' to lose) Just stuck, Hollow and alone, And the fault is my own And the fault is my own I wanna heal, I wanna feel, What I thought was never real, I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long, (Erase all the pain 'til it's gone) I wanna heal, I wanna feel, Like I am close to something real, I wanna find something I've wanted all along, Somewhere I Belong, And I've got nothin' to say, I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face, (I was confused) Lookin' everywhere, Only to find that it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind, (So what am I) What do I have but negativity, 'Cause I can't justify the way everyone is lookin' at me, (Nothin' to lose) Nothin' to gain, Hollow and alone, And the fault is my own And the fault is my own I wanna heal, I wanna feel, What I thought was never real, I wanna let go of the pain I felt so long (Erase all the pain 'till it's gone) I wanna heal, I wanna feel, Like I am close to something real, I wanna find something I wanted all along Somewhere I Belong I will never know, Myself until I do this on my own, And I will never feel, Anything else, until my wounds are healed, I will never be, Anything 'til I break away from me, And I will break away, I'll find myself today, I wanna heal, I wanna feel, What I thought was never real, I wanna let go of the pain I felt so long, (Erase all the pain 'till it's gone) I wanna heal, I wanna feel, Like I am close to something real, I wanna find something I wanted all along, Somewhere I Belong I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm Somewhere I Belong |
4,129,346 | female | 24 | Arts | Gemini | 03,August,2004 | Okay so I'm sitting here trying to figure out what the fuck am I suppose to write. I mean, I've had a many things going on lately and it's almost impossible to just bring myself up to date. I'm still deciding whether or not I should share this with friends and family. I could use this as a way to rant as I know I'm good at this. People usually think it's a joke when I go off about things that piss me off. Trust me this is just the beginging. I'll always be angry at something. Oh and by the way I've just noticed that this thing doesnt even have spell check so it is expect quite often that there will be many spelling errors. Fuck it, why should I care, right? |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 14,March,2004 | 100 things you always wanted to know about me. 1. I was born on April Fools Day 2. I am adopted 3. I met my biological mother when I was 19 4. I haven't seen her since I was 21 5. I have no desire to see her 6. I have a biological sister 7. She is 2 years older than me. 8. I love her very much 9. I miss my sister 10. I haven't seen her for over 10 years. 11. My biological mother isn't sure who my father is 12. It could be one of 2 men. 13. My grade school crush lasted 5 years. 14. His name was David. 15. He was killed during a training flight while he was in the Air Force. 16. A bird flew through the cockpit and killed him. 17. He never knew how I felt about him. 18. I still have a valentine he gave me in grade school. 19. His best friend was my attorney at one time 20. I love Cadillac Margaritas 21. I love Mexican food 22. I sometimes get up at 2am to drink a glass of milk 23. If I have homemade brownies in the house, I'll have those with the milk 24. I love good clean dirt 25. I didn't know about the internet until 1997 26. I am now addicted to the internet 27. I have been married two times 28. I knew walking down the aisle the first time, I was making a mistake 29. I tried to get out of marrying my second husband 3 times. 30. He talked me into marrying him anyway. 31. My first husband and I didn't have kids. 32. I have a daughter from my second husband. 33. I have a daughter from a boyfriend after my first husband. 34. I should have had a child with the first husband instead of the boyfriend after him. 35. I have never done any kind of illegal drugs 36. I see no reason to ever try 37. I'm a closet 'Mozart' fan 38. I was on drill team in high school. 39. My uniform still fits. 40. Kinda 41. I love chick flicks 42. Stitch is my favorite character 43. I have Stitch on the bumper of my car. 44. I have a bobblehead stitch on my dash. 45. I sleep with a stuffed Stitch 46. Much to Darren's dismay 47. I was afraid of rodents 48. I now own 4 hamsters 49. They are my buddies now. 50. I used to like cats 51. Until someone stole my best friend. 52. Now I tolerate cats 53. I'm a dog person 54. I want to own a Papillon one day 55. I love diet Coke with Lime 56. I hate Coke 57. I love Pepsi 58. I used to weigh 175 pounds 59. I used to drink 64 ounces of Pepsi a day 60. I switched to water 61. I lost over 30 pounds doing that. 62. I just bought my own bowling ball 63. Bowl on a league and don't know why 64. My bowling average has gone from 103 to 105. 65. I'm getting better with my new ball. 66. I had a hysterectomy September 9, 2003 67. I wonder if it was worth it? 68. I love the color pink 69. I never wear pink. 70. I'm going to start making quilts 71. Need to make 7 for Christmas 72. I don't have a sewing machine. 73. I think I need to get one. 74. Have had a betta fish for almost a year and 1/2. 75. Borderline shopping addict 76. Used to listen to only heavy metal music 77. Now listen to country along with metal. 78. My boyfriend is a dummer in a band 79. I have always been attracted to the drummer. 80. Love the convenience store beef and bean burritos with taco sauce 81. I collect snowmen, lighthouses and Prayers and Promises by Demdaco 82. I'm close friends with my second husbands ex girlfriend. 83. I could say she is my best girlfriend 84. Darren is my best friend 85. My person of honor will be a guy 86. He has been my dearest friend for 20 years. 87. Darren thinks I'm nuts 88. I love Darren anyway 89. I can't click my tounge 90. I was a camp counselor 91. I haven't ridden a horse in 16 years. 92. I love Ducati motorcycles 93. Never ridden one though 94. I've never been overseas. 95. I love reading Jude Deveraux 96. I'm fascinated by 16th century castles. 97. I used to hate Christmas 98. I'm starting to like it again 99. I love to cook 100. I very seldom use measuring utensils when I cook 101. I leave the kitchen when Darren cooks. 102. He has to be precise when he cooks. 103. Irritates me so I stay away from the kitchen 104. I make great homestyle food. 105. I've put weight on Darren. 106. No one has ever done that. 107. I'm happy with my family. 108. Except my brother. 109. He is adopted also. 110. I'm getting married again. 111. One day. 112. I have a dog 113. Her name is Molly 114. She is a black lab 115. I adopted her from the humane society 116. She was already housebroke and trained. 117. She must have been lost 118. I think a family is heart broken for their lab. 119. I'm going to Disneyland 120. I've never been to Disneyland 121. I get to meet Stitch. 122. Darren thinks I'm nuts. 123. He loves me anyway. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 30,January,2004 | Have you ever been typing and you have typed A LOT on your blog and you accidentally hit a button and it gets deleted? Well guess what I just did????? If anything can tick me off...that would be it!!! I had so much typed in and then as Jordin would say KABOOM! It's gone. With that said...I'm going to end this because I have no desire to try and type what I just said. I love computers and then again....I hate computers. LOL |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 29,January,2004 | Criminey!!!! Why do we have kids? Can someone explain that one to me? We voluntarily let ourselves get monstrously fat, go through excruciating pain in regards to labor or a c-section, never really lose the fat after the baby is born and then we subject ourselves to the most incredible pain after they are born....they are our own personally created dictators. Mom will you *put your own words here*, Mom, I need *more words*...it never ends! Then they get the attitude. Oh yeah...you know what I'm saying here. A simple chore...dishes. Not difficult unless the house doesn't have a dishwasher. God forbid we have to do them by hand! Might cut into the cartoon time or the Lizzie McGuire time. Is it really a hardship to clean the bedroom and bring the dirty clothes out to me so I can wash them? For a 9 year old that is a resounding YES!!!!!! Good grief I don't want her to be a teenager. My life is going to suck and be total hell. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter more than life but she can be a real pain in the ass when she wants to be. She cops an attitude and my 4 year old clings to me like Saran Wrap. I can't even go to the potty without her hanging on me. Is it obvious that I am having a really caca kind of day with the kids? Why yes Tracey...you are. Why don't you just take a break and go in the bathroom and take a nice hot bubble bath. No one will bother you and you can just relax...*bubble pop* Ok, now that I've woken up from that dream. Time to see how Darren's birthday cake is. I'm baking it. Scary ain't it? LOL |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 28,January,2004 | Holy cow!!! I kicked butt tonight!!! Maybe it was because Darren wasn't there or it could have been the 2 pina coladas with extra coconut in them. I'm thinking the pina colada's. :) My last game was a 128 and believe me, that is WAY beyond what I normally do. Darren did show up for the last game and even he was impressed. I was the spare queen tonight. I was getting spares left and right. Did get a few gutter balls though. Darren's birthday is tomorrow. He is going to be 37! He is going to offically be older than me. Older until April 1st and then we will be the same age. Dang I feel old. I find a few gray hairs every once in awhile and I hate that. Just irritates me. The worst are the wrinkles around my eyes. Maybe I just smile too much. Maybe I'm just too friendly. At least that is what my 'former' employer said. Can you believe it? I worked at the front desk of a physical therapy clinic greeting patients and answering phones and I was too friendly! Good grief, it's not like I was coming on to the patients for the love of Pete!!! Oh well....like they say....when one door closes, another one opens. Hopefully the next door will be an absolutely fantastic door. Well...one of my favorite shows is on right now....'For Better or For Worse'. I just love TLC shows!!! My very favorite is 'What not to Wear'. Now if someone would just nominate me for a makeover! *hint hint* I could really use one. I'm finding that I'm very complacent in how I look and how I dress. This is not a good thing. Gotta go...*doing the happy dance about my bowling tonight* :) |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 28,January,2004 | Ok...I was just surfing on the net...like no one else has ever done that when they can't sleep and are out of sleeping pills? Came across some blogs. What can I say? They are cool and quite informative. Well...maybe not informative but a great way to kill time when you can't sleep and are out of sleeping pills. So I'm sitting here a few days later...finally can sleep and have my sleeping pills...and making my own blog. I feel so 21st century-ish. Is that a word? If not, it is now. I like making up words. Darren, my loving fiance, has chosen a few words for me that aren't made up but great words anyway. These words would be *ahem* doofus, putz, schmuck and honey. I personally prefer honey but do fit the other three on one occasion or another. Ok, maybe more than one occasion. I am what can be referred to as 'an accident looking for a place to happen'. Not one of my finer qualities but all part of the loveable me. My oldest daughter has inherited that gene from me. I must say, she has perfected it. Much more so than I could. I'm finding that I'm rambling in this first 'blog' of mine but be rest assured, my following 'blogs' will be coherent. I promise. As for now, I must get my flat ass in gear, yes folks...it's flatter than a flitter. Question...what's a flitter? Anyway, you can put a level on my ass and it would be accurate. Told you it was flat. Just ask my friends. :) Time to get the girls in gear and go eat dinner and go do my usual inconsistent bowling. I'm on a league and I truly suck. Thank God my teammates are good. Makes up for my caca average and believe me.....it's bad. 103 bad. Time to go take care of Jordin who is losing her mind because her foot is asleep. Will it never end???????? |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 05,February,2004 | And the wall came tumbling down... Ok...remember that cute little hamster my daughter brought home? Seems he is an escape artist and got out Monday night while we were sleeping. There is nothing in the world like a devasted 9 year old child crying at 7:00am because her hamster is missing. So with that said, many tears shed...we relinquished all hopes of finding him. Fast forward to Wednesday night... After a really crappy night of bowling, the girls and I came home (Darren was at band practice) and settled in for what was to be an uneventful night. RING!!! Phone ringing at 9:00pm is not what I am up for but I answer it. 'Hi, this is Sharon from downstairs and I think we found your hamster' 'Cool' I say and ask to come down. Care to guess where that little thing was??? You got it...in the wall. Now I'm sure you are saying...so much for that little guy. Ah...I beg to differ with you. After a hacksaw and then moving on to the big stuff...a jigsaw and finally a hammer to pull the sheetrock out...I GOT HIM!!! Believe me, you never want to hear a hamster scream. It's not pretty. So now we have Raisin back BUT....we also have a new little guy. A Russian Dwarf hamster. His name is Bud. I've taken a liking to him. So tiny and cute. They aren't in the same cage so you animal activists can rest at ease. No fighting. :) Isn't life just grand? |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 01,February,2004 | Parents are such suckers... My daughter brought home a teddy bear hamster today. Cutest little thing I've seen in a long time. He is grey on his head and tail and a white stripe around his middle. So fuzzy!!! I couldn't believe what she named it. Ladies and Gentlemen....I introduce to you...RAISIN!!!! Now tell me...what kind of name is that for a hamster? It is cute though. She bought a ball to put him in so he can roam the house without our fear of losing him. It's so funny watching a neon yellow ball rolling around the house on it's own. Kyla is 9 years old and she has been told that she is to take care of Raisin and be responsible for it. If she isn't, mom is going to be his new owner. She didn't like me much after I told her that. So far she is doing a great job. Any bets on how long it takes for that hamster to become mine? LOL |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 12,February,2004 | Never going anywhere... I'm sitting here waiting for Darren to come home from work. I heard the little rodents making noise, so I turned around and the new one 'Bud' is running on his wheel. Tell me something...do the little buggers think that they are going to get somewhere running on that? Run run run little guy...you might miss that next nut. Now 'Raisin' he is a real runner. Makes the most unbelievable noise at night. Do you know what it's like to fall asleep listening to a hamster run on his wheel for hours on end? If you don't know...you aren't missing anything. A shadow overcomes the home... Darren called about an hour ago. His Grandma Frouda died tonight. I know it's all a part of life but death is just so eerie. Darren didn't sound to great but that is to be expected. I wouldn't sound too great either. He said that she was around 97 so she was tired. She was ready to go. I've been thinking lately about life and death. I looked at Darren yesterday and said 'Honey, do you realize that we are pretty much 1/2 way through our life?' I'm going to be 37 years old in April and that thought scared the hell out of me. Life for me and my love is 1/2 over. Where did my life go? Can someone tell me that??? It seems like only yesterday I graduated from high school. Not almost 20 years ago!!! The first 1/2 of my life has not been the best that could be experienced. I want my second 1/2 to be unforgettable and I want to die knowing that I did everything I could to make myself and my family happy. I want to be with my Darren for 50 years!!! Why can't that happen? Why can't we all live to be 150 years old? Why can't we be given 50 years automatically when we find the right person to marry no matter how old we are? I want to be with Darren when we are old and rocking in our chairs on the front porch, still holding hands after 50 years. I don't want to be without him in my life for a minute. I want to be an old woman lying in my bed with the man that I love with all my heart and soul, and fall asleep with him...neither of us to awaken. But can we please be guarnateed at least 50 years??? |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 19,February,2004 | Ice Age, Sixteen Candles and Ever After Have you ever just wondered why? Not about anything in particular but just why? I was going along just fine today when I get a call that brought up things that I want to bury. Bury deep in the recesses of my mind and forget them. I was going along just fine and once those words were spoken, the tears wanted to come. Again. There are days when I feel that I have no control over my life and wonder what the hell am I doing? There are days when I look around me and all is well with my little corner of the world. Today is a day where both worlds have collided. Really bad morning and afternoon. Happy happy evening and much better night. My love is finally home and I can spend some quality time with him. In spite of all his quirks and idiosyncrasies, he is a good man. Anal...but a good man. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 17,February,2004 | She is mine...you do not hurt her!!! Look around you There are many of them Mothers Daughters Sisters Aunts In every country around the world Every one of them Has one thing in common A VAGINA! No one has the right to hurt her..she is my vagina. Not yours. How many vaginas would scream if they could? Would yours? How about yours? 1 in 3 can say yes. It's my vagina!! You will not hurt her!!! The woman passing you on the street... The one with the designer clothes... the diamond rings on her fingers. Do you know what her vagina would say if she could? HOW DARE YOU!!! HOW DARE YOU HURT ME!!! YOU DO NOT TOUCH ME!!! I WILL FIGHT!!! I WILL BE STRONG!!! YOU WILL NEVER HURT ME AGAIN!!! YOU WILL NOT RAPE ME!!! YOU WILL NOT ABUSE ME!!! I AM A VAGINA AND YOU WILL NEVER HURT ME AGAIN!!! That is what she would say if she could. www.vday.org |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 16,February,2004 | Kids, fuzz and life I am proud to announce the birth of... One (I think) Russian Dwarf Hamster Arrived: Sometime this weekend Mom is in good shape and being very mama bear-ish. Yes folks...we have a baby hamster in our home. The Russian Dwarf that we bought and named 'Bud' is now named Chloe. I am in a state of.....I have no clue. Now we know why 'Bud' was being such a butthead this past week. 'Bud' was pregnant!!!! Cute little hairless thing though. Not even an inch long. All pink and bald. We didn't find out by seeing the little thing....oh no!!! Kyla was getting ready to clean out the cage, you know how messy little rodents can be. All of a sudden from out of the clear blue 'MOM!!!!!! THERE'S A BABY!!!!!!!!!'. I thought she was full of caca....so did Darren. I went to the cage to look and my daughter was not full of caca. There is a baby hamster wigglin' around in the cage. At this time, it looks like we only have one baby but Chloe is burrowing big time and nuzzling around so who knows how many she had. Darren did really well though...he actually went over and looked at our new arrival. Thought it was ugly though. LOL So with all of that said...I guess I will have fodder for the next few weeks as our little baby starts to grow. This is gonna be so fun!!!!! |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 15,February,2004 | Rock and roll and Strawberry Shortcake What a weekend...couldn't ask for more other than my oldest daughter being home to spend it with us. I hate visitation weekends. This one is especially long since Kyla won't be home until Monday night thanks to Presidents Day. Anyway...the weekend was good. Started out with our TV going on the fritz. So with that and having a fiance' who is addicted to watching Sportscenter and ESPN...we went TV shopping. Now $600.00 later, we have a brand new 32' flat screen television and a very nice stand to put it on. I never knew that a big tv would be so nice to have. I'm so used to the inky binky ones. Had to rearrange things though. Living room looks homey even though we have a monstrous TV in it. Now Darren and I can cuddle up on the couch and not get bent out of shape when we can't see the TV! Oh what a perfect world we live in. :grin: |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 23,February,2004 | Rage against the Machine The way our life turns out is not what most people dream of. We have such dreams of grandeur when we are young. Then we graduate from high school and for a lot of people, those dreams go out the window. Life hits and hits hard. It's frightening to look back on life and wonder where the time went. My 20 year high school reunion is next year. I sat down and thought about where my life went. I've been out of school for 20 years? It can't be remotely possible. I had such dreams. I wanted to be a flight attendant and be married with 2 kids by the time I was 25. How funny was that? Well at the ripe old age of 18, it was a very real dream. But that is all it amounted to...a dream. I'm not complaining about my life now. I'm not where I thought I would be at the age of almost 37 but I am ok with it. I have 2 divorces behind me, 2 children from 2 different men and recently unemployed. Yep...that sucks. But...I have a wonderful man in my life who accepts me no matter what. I have 2 gorgeous children even though they can irriate the hell out of me on an almost daily basis. I have a family. I have a roof over my head and food in my tummy. I'm still relatively healthy. LOL There are a lot of people out there who can't say that. Who am I to complain about my life or what life has thrown at me? I've had a tough 20 years from 1985 to now. I can say it's been a time that has shown me that life isn't always peaches and cream. Things happen that are out of our control sometimes. The things that do happen can either make or break you as a person. I chosen to let my past troubles make me a better person. Bitterness will only destroy. I won't give the past control over my future. I am a mother, daughter, sister, fiancee', niece, friend...but most of all....I am me. I can't be more than that. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 05,March,2004 | Rollin' rollin' rollin' I'm just sitting here listening to Raisin roll around in his ball. Goodness but that critter can bang into walls or whatever is in front of him LOUDLY!!! It's fun though. He knows that he will get out of his cage around this time of night and be put into his ball to roam the house. I do believe that I'm in love with that little critter. He is all poofy and grey and white. What is funny is...Kyla, who is only 9 years old, was sitting on the couch tonight and said 'Mom, Raisin has the biggest kahona's!!!' So with that said...I had to turn the little guy over and look for myself. JEEPERS BUT HIS HO-HO'S ARE HUGE!!! For such a little guy he is kinda out of proportion. I'm tellin' ya...the female hamsters would love this guy. ;) I told Kyla we should neuter him. She got all stressed and said 'MOM!!! THAT WILL KILL HIM!!!' Ah...if she only knew. Probably would take some of the spunk out of him and I don't want that. Anyway...who has ever heard of neutering a hamster? Aside from the excitement of playing with 4 hamsters, I have a nice vacation coming up soon and cannot wait to go!!! Darren and I leave on April 10 and come back April 18. We have booked a condo in San Clemente in Southern California. Ahhhh....a week with no children. How will I ever survive? I'll figure out a way...trust me. LOL It's going to be a fantastic week. Disneyland, Seaworld, Hollywood, a Mariners game...A WHAT??? you are asking? You read that right. A Mariners game. They are playing the Aniheim Angels while we are down there so my loving and wonderful man has gotten us tickets to see the game. Now just as a reminder...this was supposed to be our honeymoon until we postponed the wedding. Alas...that is what I get for being engaged to a sports nut. It's ok though...I'm going to drive him nuts with Disneyland and looking for Stitch things. hahahahahaha *evil laugh* I'm sooooo sweet....:) |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 01,March,2004 | *yawn I cannot believe it. I actually have nothing of profound importance to say. I know...laugh it up. Scary though. Usually I have something to talk about or reflect on but NOPE...nothing. I must be braindead tonight. Either that or I have been sniffing way too many paint fumes. Yes that was the excitement of my weekend. Painting the bathroom. I have yet to finish it but ya know...I just don't wanna right now. I don't have a lot to do though. Just painting around the door jamb and the trim around the window and vanity. After that...I'm done. I thought it was going to be an easy project...boy was I wrong!!! At least it will look good when it's done and will look much better than the crap that was in there. *gag* Well enough said for this babbling woman. Time for munchies. ;) |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 11,March,2004 | And with the nice weather... Spoke with my gyno yesterday. He was ok with taking me off of the paxil. I was grateful for that. I've gone cold turkey before so I'm sure I can do it again. Granted, the last time I went cold turkey I still had my ovaries. Wonder if that will make a difference emotionally for me? Guess we will find out soon enough. Poor Darren. He is a good man though to put up with the chemical imbalances in my body. He still loves me no matter what the imbalance is. Anyway back to my gyno. He said that taking vitamin B complex will help with the mood swings and agreed with the pharmicist about taking tums for calcium. He also said that I would benefit from taking vitamin D if I don't get a lot of sun. Since I burn and end up looking like a steamed lobster... BRIGHT RED!! , I will probably have to go get a bottle of those too. Actually he recommended that everyone should take vitamin D so their bones don't disintegrate as badly. As some trivia...did you know that you lose more bone density when you are sleeping than when you are awake? I found that out the other day. Just thought I would pass that little tidbit along. :) |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 09,March,2004 | Highs, lows....where are the in-between's??? Well it's offiicial...I no longer have insurance. That has me worried. How in the world am I going to pay for my meds? I went and spoke with a pharmacist today and she at least put my fears to rest in regards to my estrogen. For those of you who don't know, I had a total hysterectomy back in September. I have to take estrogen daily. To battle the emotional crap, I'm also on Paxil. Get rid of one pain and have to deal with a different one. I'm relieved that the estrogen is only going to be around $15.00 a month. The paxil? That is a different story. With insurance it was around $40.00 a month. Without insurance...$77.00 a month!!!!!! Good grief!!! That is just nuts. So with that being found out, the pharmacist suggested that I speak with my gyno and see if he will switch me to the generic for Prozac. Woo Hoo!!! Do you think I'm happy about this? HELL NO!!! She did say that I should start taking B vitamins and that will help with the emotional and mood swings. Well...it's a start. I know this is probably too much information but can anyone tell me what to do about my libido? Seems that when they took out the female parts, they took the libido also. LOL |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 14,March,2004 | Gotta love the lists... Found this on urlLink Danelle's blog so thought I would do the same...(actually I don't have anything else to do LOL) Emotional age? Today...63 Could be much younger tomorrow...or older Hairdo you wish you could pull off? Long & silky straight First word? I haven't got a clue. Could have been 'shopping'. First written word? Refer to the above question. Famous person(s) people say you look like? I don't see this but...Shannon Doughtery, Morgan Brittney Eat your vegetables? Some yes, some no...hate lima beans and peas. God, or a god concept? God Most lengthy phase you ever went through: Rocker chick from 1990 - 1993. If you're a boy, do you like baking? If you're a girl, do you like grilling? LOVE TO GRILL!!! Language(s) you'd most like to speak : Italian and Russian Favorite names for people: Folks Death row last meal: Medium Well steak, baked potato (with butter, sour cream and salt), corn, Jambalya from Cheescake factory and a whole cheesecake. If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die with a happy tummy. Birthplace: Sacramento, CA Do you have an accent? Been told I do but I don't hear it....duh!!!! To-MAY-to or To-MAH-to? To-MAY-to Most exotic thing you've ever eaten: I stay away from exotic at all costs. Superheroes or the supervillains? Superheroes - they always get the good looking guy in the end. Marriage is... the most wonderful thing in the world if you are both on the same page and commited to making it work Love is... the most incredible upper and mind blowing downer in the world. Down pillows or plush pillows? Definately not down but medium Bush. Love him or hate him? I'm not political at all. Besides...I read somewhere that politician means literally...blood sucking creature. Hmmmm...... Favorite color? Pink but love deep tones like royal blue, purple, reds and love black. Favorite flavor of ice cream? Butter pecan Dream job: Small cafe serving homemade food and helping women escaping abusive situations. Elvis or the Beatles? I like “old” Elvis. Coke or Pepsi? Diet Coke with Lime. Bad speller? Nope...hate misspelled words. Friday night. You're tired enough to stay in for the night, but not too tired to go out. Which one do you choose? Go get some teriyaki chicken, bring it home, have dinner, pop some popcorn and watch a chick flick with a box of kleenex Favorite cuisine: Mexican. Show you miss the most: H.R. Pufnstuf, old 70's cartoons and 'real life' shows like HR and Sigmund and the Seamonsters. Were you popular in high school? Most everyone knew me but I didn't hang out with the jocks. I had my own group of friends. What do you like in your brownies, nothing, nuts, or weed? Nothing. Do you like to read? Most definately...just not a lot of time to. How many serious relationships have you had? At every age, the relationship I was in was serious. At least to a point for the maturity level I was at. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 15 (sad huh?) but he was a senior and I was a junior. :) How old were you when you first partied? 19. Favorite season? Spring...time to get the yard ready for gardening and flowers Marshmallows: burn em, or toast em? both....:) Do you enjoy dressing up? Yes, but very rarely if ever do it. Do you mind getting dirty? Love getting my hands in the dirt...at least when gardening. Other types of dirty I will not discuss thank you very much. ;) What did you think you were going be when you grew up? A flight attendant Number of mortal enemies : Pretty much all of my ex husbands family. They say I'm demon possessed don't ya know? LOL Wonk Wonk Wonk....such loving 'Christians' they are....*gag* |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 27,March,2004 | My happiness... I'm at my most happy right now. Nope..not because of Darren. I have a new baby. She has black hair, fantastic brown eyes and adores me. Her name is Molly. I'm sooo in love with her!!! No, I did not have a human child. Remember....hysterectomy. LOL Nope....I adopted a dog from the humane society. I am about as pleased as punch. She is an amazing animal and I'm so glad that I get to be her forever home. Nothing makes me happier. She is my therapy. She had her doggie brand hysterectomy yesterday so she is a tad on the 'Please don't make me do anything' mode. BUT....get this....she is housebroke, obeys commands like sit and lay down. When I tell her to go lay down, she goes right to her bed. It's amazing considering she was a stray. My guess is that she got lost and her family is missing her dearly. But as we all know, the humane society keeps them in an area for lost dogs for a period of time before they put the babies up for adoption. Molly had just been put up for adoption when I came in. She and I just clicked and that was all she wrote. Now for Darren's reaction... I told him I wanted to get a dog. He said 'no, it isn't practical'. I was cranky but let it go. He slept on it and then told me that I could go get a dog. *Tracey's ears perk up*. You don't have to tell me twice to do something that I want to do. I went and found Molly. Bought her and then told Darren on Thursday that he would have to go to the vet to pick her up Friday after she was spayed. He shook his head and said 'I can't believe you got a dog' I looked at him and said 'You told me I could!' Now this is the funny part....his reply to that??? 'I know I did but I didn't think you would do it!!!' Now please....if you give a woman a credit card with no limit on it and tell her to go shopping, what do you think she is going to do??? DUH!!!!! Anyway...Molly is awesome and when I can figure out how to put pictures on here, I will get one of her. Anyone care to tell me how I can do that? LOL |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 25,March,2004 | Ahhhh....bliss! Who hates diet soda...raise their hand. *me jumping up and down with both hands in the air* Ok...who has found heaven with Diet Coke with Lime? *me doing the happy dance and screaming WHOOP WHOOP!!!* I rest my case. Thank you urlLink Danelle for reminding me of my happy place. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 24,March,2004 | Not always a loser I cannot believe it...for the first time since I started bowling, I have over 300 for a series tonight. I am in complete shock. Maybe getting my own ball helped. I hope it did. I wasn't too keen on spending over $100 for a bowling ball. It was a good night tonight though. Other than still suffering from the Paxil withdrawls...still very dizzy and lightheaded. I'm hating that. Getting used to it but still hating it. I hope that it will be gone before we leave for California. I want to enjoy my vacation. Imagine that...enjoying vacation. LOL Is this blog boring tonight? Yep...I whole heartedly admit to it being boring. I really don't have too much to say tonight. Maybe I'm just too exhausted and not functioning with all brainwaves. Any thoughts? |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 22,March,2004 | Why oh why oh why? Thrift stores were invented for people like me. I just amaze myself sometimes when I go shopping at these places. We all know that I am unemployed so I have to spend very wisely. Well today...I did spend very wisely and I did pretty darned good if I say so myself. This is what I found today: 1 pair of Steve Madden sandles (.99 cents thank you very much!) 1 pair white mule sneakers 1 pair of chunky shoes that zip up on both sides. Quite cool according to my 9 year old. 1 ADIDAS windbreaker 1 pink hoodie 2 white tanks (Eddie Bauer and Liz) 1 denim skirt (very cute and not too short) 2 pairs denim capri's (Old Navy) 2 shortalls (CK denim and Christopher and Banks khaki) 1 fleece 1/2 zip sweatshirt (Columbia sportswear) 1 set short/top jammies (Victoria's Secret) 9 tops/shirts (Liz, Ralph Lauren, CK, Christopher and Banks, Style and Co.) Quite the haul huh? Now for the grand total...ya ready for this? Are you sure? Got ya sitting on the edge of your seat for this one don't I? Drum roll please... Less than $60.00!!! Am I good or am I good? I did buy a few items that weren't clothes like a really cute Tuscan style canister set, some really cool breastmilk bottles that are new and say 'My mommy's milk' on the side (Darren's cousin's wife is preggers and her baby shower is this weekend so I will put the bottles and some other doo dad's in a cute basket), cocktail glasses to put candles in, a couple of brand new candles, knick knacs for the grandparents. I just love it when I get great buys like that. Makes my whole day. Now I am ready for our trip to Southern California in 3 weeks. Like they say....CALIFORNIA HERE I COME!!! |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 21,March,2004 | Paxil flu A word to the wise... NEVER NEVER NEVER START TAKING AN SSRI....!!!! I was on paxil for 9 months. I had to quit cold turkey because paxil costs $75.00 a month when you don't have insurance. As you know, I don't have insurance. I am now going through the worst thing I have ever been through in my life!!! I've been through some really bad stuff in my life but nothing that would compare to this. I was reading some online posts after doing a google search and the withdrawls from paxil are compared to heroine withdrawls. HEROINE???? Please...I've never in my life taken any kind of illegal drug. Why would I want to take a 'legal' drug that can cause the same withdrawl effect as heroine? I wouldn't. Had I known that this would be the effect I was going to get, I definately would not have taken paxil. Emotionally, I'm better now being off the paxil than when I was on it but the withdrawls symptoms are bad. urlLink Read this if you and your doctor are considering putting you on Paxil. I'm not a psycho woman and there is no way I would consider suicide but with what I went through yesterday...I wanted to die. I'm not 100% today but I can tell you that I'm better than what I was. I will never take Paxil again. Not after this. The doc's don't know about this drug. All they do know is that you have to taper off of it. They know that going 'cold turkey' is not good. Tell me something...if they know that, then why put a patient on it!?!?!?! Only addictive drugs are meant to be 'tapered' off. I didn't do a lot of research on Paxil because I had been on it before and when I quit cold turkey last time, I was never like this. That is why I wasn't concerned about it this time. I was in for a very shocking surprise. One that I will not ever want to experience again. What is heartbreaking is...I was a drug addict. In every sense of the word. Only my doctor and the medical people who are supposed to take care of me, made me an addict. I'm off the Paxil and I will return to normal again but getting back to normal is going to be a tough road. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 21,March,2004 | I saw this over at urlLink Danelle's page : 1. Enter your first name into Google. 2. Click on 'Images'. 3. Pick your favorite out of the first page only and post it in your blog. It's amazing the pictures that come up!!! I'm supposed to pic my fave...well...here it is...the rest didn't do much...not that I have a thing for women but if only I could look that good!!! urlLink Tracey |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 03,April,2004 | Ok...I'm done quizzing today... urlLink Which Sound of Music character are you? Liesl Sweet, charming and innocent (as a rose) urlLink urlLink Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by urlLink YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 02,April,2004 | Why does this not surprise me? LOL urlLink What 80`s movie are you? Pretty in Pink urlLink urlLink Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by urlLink YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 02,April,2004 | urlLink Which poem are you? The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot God, you're indecisive. You're not that great, but you don't know if you want to accept that. You appreciate beauty and observe things others may not, but you're also hopelessly impaled on your own foolish romanticism. Go you. urlLink urlLink Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by urlLink YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 02,April,2004 | The search... I just wonder why it takes so long to find a job? I'm qualified. I have the skills. I have the personality. I'm not a 100 ton squid. I just don't get it. I went for yet another interview today. This one sounds more than perfect for me. Full time through June...possibly July. Goes to part time in August. I am working towards starting college in the fall. Work part time. School full time. Mom full time. Significant other full time. I can handle that. Who couldn't? I'm just so tired of getting the 'reject' letters. It's always the same thing...Thank you for applying with ABC company and although you have great skills, we have decided to go with another applicant. Can someone explain this to me???? I will be so glad to get my schooling done and doing what I really want to do. My goal is to go to nursing school. I want to become an RN and work in either Labor and Delivery or *gasp* Trauma. Well if I am wanting to go to school in the fall...I need to get my financial aid stuff done or this mom isn't going anywhere. Hey!!! I just thought of this....I'm going back to school after 19 years and my youngest daughter is going to be starting kindergarten. Wow...what a mind blower that one was. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 31,March,2004 | Morning I will be the first to admit, I am not a morning person. Especially if I have not had any caffeine. This morning would be one of those mornings. I'm thinking that I really need it today since Molly woke me up at Midnight and then at 4:00am. Me being the good dog owner that I am, I took her outside. Wanna know what she did? NOTHING!!! She just sniffed around and checked out the sky. Now, any other time of day this would be fine. When I'm trying to sleep? NOT A CHANCE!!! I did look at the bright side of it though. The stars were awesome last night. Not a cloud in the sky. With my lack of 'good sleep' last night, I told Darren that I was going to sleep a couple of hours more this morning. Being the loving man that he is, he came in to kiss me goodbye for the day. My issue with that? HE STUCK HIS COLD HANDS ON ME!!! There is nothing worse than waking up to ice cold hands on your warm body. I will get him back though. One day...I will get him back.....mwah hahahahahaha!!!!! |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 30,March,2004 | HUH???? Just when I think that Darren has become all schmuck....he brings home flowers for me 'just because'. Now why did he have to go and do that???? Just when I am all nicely irritated at him, he does something totally out of character. Guess you could say that he does love me and really wants our relationship to work. Wasn't sure of that until now. :) |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 28,March,2004 | And this is who I am... My #1 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, urlLink Disney's Sleeping Beauty quiz , is Aurora Now fancy that...I'm Aurora. Sleeping Beauty mind you. THE main character of the story. What more can I say? |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 28,March,2004 | Huh? I truly do not believe that anyone will ever understand a person's psyche. I don't know how I found urlLink this but I did. Take a read at it and you will see what I mean about a person's psyche. Makes you realize that there are many different personalities, views and opinions in the world. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 08,April,2004 | Farewell Rest in Peace Dad Bergren. You were loved by many and will be missed. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 07,April,2004 | Packing, interviews and doggy daycare Well....my day was full and busy. I need this vacation. I really do. Most everything is done. Just a few things to take care of and I will be ready to go. Darren...amazing man that he is....started packing today. I started the beginning of the week. I'm almost done with the packing portion of our trip. All that is left for me is to go to urlLink Yakima , drop off Molly at urlLink doggy daycare , go have lunch with K. at Major's. That would be THE best hamburger joint in Yakima. They have beer battered french fries to die for. After lunch, I drop J off with Darren's parents and then I come home. Then it's up to Darren to do all the driving. I had a job interview today. Went fantastically well. I will know more after I get home from vaykay. Until then...ttfn and have a great week. I know I will. :) |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 07,April,2004 | California here we come!!! We leave Saturday morning out of Seattle bound for LA. I am totally excited about this trip. urlLink Here is where we are staying. It is going to be so nice to just sleep next to the ocean for a whole week!!! Our itinerary is something like this: Sunday - Check into the condo Monday - I'm thinking urlLink Disneyland Tuesday - We are going to urlLink a ball game Wednesday - Probably cruise around LA, Hollywood and such Thursday - urlLink Another game and urlLink Sea World Friday and Saturday - Not sure yet. Sunday - Fly home Talk about a fun filled week that is definitely well deserved. So...tomorrow will most likely be my last post until we get home on the 18th. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 06,April,2004 | Why does this not surprise me? urlLink What soda are you? Pepsi You are the choice of a new generation. You're into popular music and popular culture. I imagine you have a Von Dutch hat or two. urlLink urlLink Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by urlLink YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 04,April,2004 | I'm a quiz takin' fool tonight... Ok..for those of you who don't know...I'm fascinated by Ted Bundy. Imagine my surprise when this came up. urlLink What infamous serial killer are you? Ted Bundy You attacked while women walked in parks, who were found later to have been raped and strangled to death, but sometimes you went so far as breaking into their houses as they slept and beating them to death with a crow bar. After being caught, you escaped and killed 3 more people. You were executed. urlLink urlLink Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by urlLink YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 04,April,2004 | Calgon take me away.... Do you know why we need a vacation? BECAUSE WE ARE TIRED FROM TRYING TO GET EVERYTHING PACKED AND READY TO GO!!!! Good grief but I'm exhausted. I haven't even begun to get J's things ready. I won't pack urlLink Darren's stuff. That man is too anal about what he wants. He can pack his own bag. I know...bad Tracey but I am smarter than your average bear. Trust me on this one. We leave for Seattle on Friday after Darren gets off of work. We are going to stay with my dearest friend, urlLink Robert and then he will drive us to the airport Saturday morning. Love that man!!! He has found a woman!!! 37 years old and he has never been married. He is good looking, sweet and has an amazing sense of humor. I'm happy for him. He deserves to be happy and get married and all of that fun stuff. Saw something funny this morning. I was sitting here at the computer like most mornings and heard a thud. I looked up just in time to see urlLink Molly get off of the ground and get back on the couch. LOL Had I not been half asleep, I would have laughed hysterically. Dogs...gotta love them. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 04,April,2004 | I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!!! My favorite flower in the world is a daisy...:) How scary is this??? urlLink Which flower are you? Daisy You are simple and lovely. You have a caring heart that your friends cherish. urlLink urlLink Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by urlLink YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 04,April,2004 | Reality hits and hits hard Found this on urlLink a blog that I happened across. I went to urlLink google and did a search for 'fuzzy blog'. Amazing what comes up. Anyway, the above blog came up and I found urlLink this . After looking through the pages I'm sure you will get a sense of your own mortality and how quickly your life can change. Makes me love my family that much more. I have a renewed appreciation for Darren and what we have. The rocky place we are at in our relationship can be made smooth again. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 04,April,2004 | 20 years and still going strong Flashback...1982, sophomore year, Kumler Field, early morning band/flag team/drill practice, standing in the cold practing the next weeks football game halftime show. I was standing next to a girl who was quite short and very quiet. I, on the other hand, not as short and definately not quiet. We started chatting and before we knew it, we were as close as you can get being friends. We eventually learned that our birthdays were exactly a week apart (she is older), loved boys, and just enjoyed talking. Now when I say that she was quiet, I am talking wallflower type. She was cute and very personable but just not as outgoing as I was. Imagine my shock when I found out that she was trying out for cheer! Imagine my even bigger shock to watch tryouts and seeing her do moves that I didn't know she was capable of doing. All I could tell you is that my voice was all but gone after she was done. She blew everyone's mind that day. Yes, she made the cheer squad. I made the drill team. Even though we ran in different circles after that, we remained friends. Yes, we had our fights. Doozies sometimes. We always made up. Only she and I would be able to write a note back and forth in Interior Design class that would make a sailor blush. I could still walk up to her today and ask her 'Hey!!! Have any emergencies lately?' and she will know exactly what I am talking about. Fast forward...2004 My dear friend from urlLink high school and I have gone seperate ways. Granted, we keep in touch from time to time but life has taken us down different roads. Today she showed me that true friendship knows no time retraints or limits. I was going to have to get rid of Molly because I can't find anyone to watch her while Darren and I are on vacation. She owns a doggy daycare in my hometown. She said that she will watch my Molly...no charge. I just need to provide her food and blankies. What my friend has done is what true, honest to goodness friendship is all about. I now know why we were friends during high school. We were meant to be. God, the fates, destiny or whatever you believe in...there is always a reason. One day...there will be a time when I can do for her what she has done for me. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 04,April,2004 | I must always thank urlLink Danelle for these things. Without her, none of this would be possible. ;) Where were you when? 1) John F. Kennedy was shot? (11/22/1963) I wasn't even a glimmer in my biological mothers eye. 2) Mt. St. Helen's blew? (5/18/1980) Sitting in Sunday School watching it get darker and darker outside. I lived 80 miles east of the mountain. Fear is watching it turn pitch black at noon and not being able to see a foot in front of you. Fear is seeing lightning coming from nowhere. Fear is not knowing what kind of affect the ash will have on things. Fear is your mom driving home from church and realizing that she was driving on the wrong side of the road because she couldn't see anything. Happiness is knowing that there will be no school for over a week. Mt. St. Helens is not something I care to experience again. 3) John Lennon gunned down? (12/08/1980) I honestly don't remember. I know that I was in Jr. High. 4) The Challenger exploded? (1/28/1986) Babysitting and catnapping (it was ugly morning!!!) and looking up to see the challenger explode. 5) The 7.1 earthquake hit San Francisco? (10/07/1989) Living in Seattle and worried about a friend who lived down there. 6) The Berlin Wall Fell? (11/07/1989) Still in Seattle. 7) The Gulf War began? (01/16/1991) I don't remember when it began. All I remember is wearing the yellow ribbons at work and watching it on TV. 8) OJ Simpson was chased in his White Bronco? (06/17/1994) Didn't see it. 8a) And when the verdict was read? (10/03/1995) Working for C*vanaughs Hotel and watching it in the lounge on my break. 9) The Afred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City was bombed? (04/19/1995) Working for the above hotel and being in complete shock 10) Princess Di was killed? (08/31/1997) I was with a guy I had met on the internet. We had just gotten to my parents house and when I saw the news I cried like a baby. I couldn't believe that she was gone. 11) Bush was first announced president? (11/07/2000) Working with Alzheimers patients. Wondering why the hell everything was so messed up and how the world must think that United States can't even elect a leader. 12) Terrorists destroyed the WTC? (09/11/2001) I had just moved to Everett (north of Seattle). I stayed home from work that day. My friend called and woke me up screaming at me to turn on the radio (I couldn't get tv reception) that the twin towers had fallen. I thought she was full of caca and playing a really bad joke on me. I got some fuzzy reception and all I could do was cry while watching it. 13) Columbia disintegrated during re-entry over Texas? (02/01/2003) I didn't hear about it until I had gotten moved into a new place. Why wasn't this more of a big issue like Challenger was? 14) The Madrid trains were attacked? (03/11/2004) Sitting home. It amazes me the disasters we have lived through in such a short period of time. What is next? |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 24,April,2004 | Superficial... How stupid and dumb can I be? Darren picked up the pictures from our vacation this morning. No wonder Darren has no interest in me. I'm fat. I've gained weight since he met me. I'm not the size 8 he met. I'm now a size 10. Of course he isn't going to want to make love to a cow. Then as I think about it I wonder 'Did he really love me, the me inside, or was it all because I was thin and pretty?' I was cooking his breakfast, I can't eat or I have a tendency to get sick...wonder why, and I realized that all of the men I have dated have had issues with weight. From when I was 18 until now, almost 20 years later. All of them have always made comments about my weight. 'Don't get too fat Tracey. Do you think you should eat that Tracey?, I'm just not attracted to you anymore, Tracey' Good grief!!!! It's not like I weigh 300 pounds!!! I'm 150!!!! I have gained weight!!! I had a freaking hysterectomy in September and the hormones I am on cause me to gain weight!!! I am unemployed and I was depressed!!!! Why the hell can't a man accept me for ME!?!?!?!?!? I AM NOT SOME $%^*(^ BARBIE DOLL!!!! *wanting to stop crying* |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 23,April,2004 | How Far? There's a boat, I could sail away There's the sky, I could catch a plane There's a train, there's the tracks I could leave and I could choose to not come back Oh, never come back There you are, giving up the fight Here I am begging you to try Talk to me, let me in But you just put your wall back up again Oh, when's it gonna end How far do I have to go to make you understand I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are So I'm gonna walk away And it's up to you to say how far There's a chance I could change my mind But I won't, not till you decide What you want, what you need Do you even care if I stay or leave Oh, what's it gonna be How far do I have to go to make you understand I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are So I'm gonna walk away And it's up to you to say how far Out of this chair, or just across the room Halfway down the block or halfway to the moon How far do I have to go to make you understand I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are So I'm gonna walk away And it's up to you to say Yeah I'm gonna walk away And it's up to you to say how far ~Martina McBride |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 22,April,2004 | And would you expect anything less? I know that my blog friend, Stacey, told me how to put a picture on my blog...I HAVE YET TO FIGURE IT OUT!!! So with that said...here is a urlLink link to a pic of me and my fave buddy. Wonder who that could be? |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 22,April,2004 | I wanna!!!! I really feel like posting today or at least right now and for the life of me, I can't even figure out where to start. My mind is a total mush pot. I don't know if I'm coming or going. A good thing happened today...I got to talk to K's dad...ok, talking to him isn't always such a good thing but we are getting along and that is a bonus since we have been fighting since K's conception and she is now 9 years old!!! He called me and said that he will meet me at the junction of Hwy 97 and Hwy 2. Now for me..this is a good thing since that is only about 20 minutes away. Typically on his visitation weekends, I drive an hour and 15 minutes one way to drop her off. This gave me much pleasure. :) He is being nice to me and has been for over a year now. I'm just hoping that it continues...maybe the man has finally grown up...nahhhh!!!! LOL |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 22,April,2004 | Whimper whine I have read my few previous posts and I sound like a pathetic drama queen. I hate that. I used to be a drama queen and swore that I would never do it again. Why am I reverting back???? What happened to the strong and independent Tracey from a year and 1/2 ago? I want her back. She was someone who wouldn't put up with shit from anyone, least of all a man. I know that Darren does not deserve the love that the girls and I have for him. I know that he isn't worth all of this pain and hurt. I know that I would be better off without him in my life. SO WHY CAN'T I GET THE KAHONA'S AND GET OUT???????? |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 21,April,2004 | Cookin' and cleanin' I'm exhausted. I don't work outside of the home but I'm wiped out. Started laundry today at 7am!!! I'm still doing it and it's 9:30pm!!! I have about 3 loads left and of course we all know that once the weekend gets here, I will have more. I did get a lot done today...maybe it's because I'm trying to not think about where my life is right now. Actually, I really don't know where my life is right now. Utter confusion reigns supreme at this point. I hate that feeling. I hate making life altering decisions also. I did make some decisions today though...I cooked ribs, mashed taters, corn and rolls. Was a pretty darned good decision I do believe. Tomorrow will be sweet and sour meatballs, rice and salad. I'm drowning my worries in my cooking. I guess that is a good thing. The kids love it. I did finish painting the bathroom today. I started the blasted thing the beginning of February. Had one little part to finish but never did it. Well...ta da...I did it today. Put an ivy border up in the bathroom too. Guess all of this turmoil has caused some good things to happen. I'm getting a lot of stuff done around the house. ;) Anyway...I'm coping pretty well considering. I have my moments of utterly breaking down in tears but for the most part I'm just in a fog and going through the motions. I know that is not a good thing but it's the best I can do for now. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 20,April,2004 | Friends and kind words I am so grateful for my friends in real life and online. Without them, I would be a miserable and sloppy mess with all of this. Thank you urlLink Stacey and Stephanie. You guys are awesome and I appreciate everything. Stephanie sent me something last night. At this point, it fits my life with Darren perfectly. One day you will want me like I have wanted you. One day you will need me like I have needed you. One day you will love me and I won’t love you. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 20,April,2004 | I'm not as angry as I was yesterday. I've calmed down quite a bit. Darren has admitted to needing help. He knows that he has to see a therapist to work out what is bothering him. We may not stay together. That is the horrid truth I have to face. I may not be what he wants in life. I believe that at this point in time, he doesn't know what he wants in life. The ball is in his court now. I'm going to live my life and do the best I can with what I have right now. It may be that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I'm not happy with that but I am ok with it. For now, I will let Darren do what needs to be done to take care of himself mentally and emotionally. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 19,April,2004 | Understanding? Good grief...sometimes I feel that Darren is trying to find reasons to get out of our relationship. Last night we had a huge talk and he said that it's possible that he keeps me at a distance with him because of his past hurts and relationships. He is looking for perfection and if he doesn't find it, he doesn't have to open up to someone completely. If he doesn't open up to someone, he won't get hurt. A defense mechanism. At least that is what I think. Any thoughts? |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 19,April,2004 | Fun and endings Had a fantastic trip in California. Well...most of it. All was well until Saturday night. Darren and I broke up then. I don't know if it's a mutual thing but it's ok. He isn't ready for a family yet. He wants to still do the things he did when he was single. I just wish he had figured that out a year and 1/2 ago. Would have saved a lot of heartache on a lot of people. Especially my girls. |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 18,April,2004 | Howdie!!! Well I'm home. I'm happy I'm home. It has been a very long week. Once I get some rest, I will write all about my adventures in Southern California. Until then...it's nappy time...many hours of nappy time. :) |
2,776,625 | female | 37 | indUnk | Aries | 01,May,2004 | Today Sometimes I wonder why my biological mother didn't just have an abortion instead of putting me up for adoption. |
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