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There is no right or wrong, only right for you.
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Why we don't have enough friends.
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The main reason for lack of friendships is the simple fact that most people don't prioritize friendships nearly enough.
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They don't realize until it's too late that retaining friendships demands regular energy and attention.
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Although they are so important for happiness, friends often take a back seat to other life decisions.
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Work, commuting, romance, or kids take up so much time and energy that it's so much easier to crash on your couch and lose yourself in mindless activities.
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Especially as an adult, going for a bike ride, getting dinner, or visiting a hobby store takes much more mental effort and commitment than it did after school
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But it's not just adults who are too busy for friends.
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The average American teenager spends more time on TikTok every day than socializing at parties, events, or on the phone with friends combined.
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Established friendships don't require the same time investment as early friendships to keep up, but they do require some commitment.
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As life distracts you, it's easy to skip out on checking in when a friend goes through exciting or depressing times.
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And so many friendships fade for lack of attention, often by accident.
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Another thing that makes many people vulnerable is the way friendship networks are structured.
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The friendship paradox is the phenomenon that on average, most people have fewer friends than their friends.
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Rather than being densely interconnected, friendship networks are often built around central hubs.
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So if central people disappear from your life, this can deprive you of many connections at once.
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And it can lead to a distorted self-perception that you are less popular than others, although you are perfectly average.
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It can get worse quickly with big life events.
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Maybe you move for school, work, or love, and are left without social networks.
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Or you had a breakup that left you with the smaller part of the formerly shared social pie.
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The reasons why you find yourself with less connection than you want are as diverse as people but the underlying cause is almost always time.
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There is no shortcut.
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To make new friends and retain friendships, you have to prioritize relationships, spend time with people in real life, and make them feel that you care.
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So take a look at yourself and rebalance what you spend your life doing.
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Studies have shown that new friendships can develop quite quickly, weeks after you meet someone.
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But it takes a few months for a casual friendship to become a close relationship, with the biggest impediment being time invested and the quality of your interactions.
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To make friends, it helps if you intentionally look for people you have things in common with and who are open to new relationships.
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You want to make it easy for yourself, so examine what kind of person you are.
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Generally speaking, extroverts tend to crave sensory stimulation, spicier foods, loud music, or the excitement of engaging a crowd.
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Introverts, often confused with shy people, tend to be more sensitive to sensory stimulants and prefer quieter surroundings, fewer people, and even less spicy food.
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Different places attract different people.
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Not everybody can easily make friends at a bar or a football game, not everybody finds a stroll through a park or a bookstore stimulating.
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Men especially form friendships around shared activities,
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but in general it's a good idea to go to places that feel comfortable, where there are people you might like, who do things you find interesting.
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Look for local clubs or opportunities to volunteer.
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Check out what hobby stores are around and dust off your space marines, or see if there are new D&D groups in your city and ask if you could join one.
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Check meetup apps for gaming nights or wine tasting, join a sports club, or look for people who go hiking or want to cook together.
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Another obvious avenue is your professional life.
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It helps if you work in a job that attracts people like you, so you might consider this when you choose a career.
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Deepening your relationship with colleagues can lead to great friendships, especially if you look for peers and there is no power imbalance.
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And of course, there are friends you've lost touch with.
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You may be able to revive some of these relationships.
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In some cases, all it needs is a call or an invitation.
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Research shows that more often than not, the other person will appreciate that you've reached out.
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There are likely way more opportunities to spend time with others than you are aware of, and if there aren't, you can take the initiative and create them.
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Invitations are signals to start friendships, so bring people together by having a dinner party, organizing a football game after work, or starting a board game group.
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Everybody appreciates people who organize fun things, and the simple act of reaching out can kickstart a self-propelling upward spiral of well-being, fun, and connectedness
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that can seriously improve the life of everyone around you in meaningful ways.
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If you meet someone you vibe with, it's pretty scary to make the first move, but they may feel the same way.
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So it's worth going for it.
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Worst case, they're not interested, which will sting for a few hours, but the best case could be a lifelong friendship.
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Once you've formed early connections, check in whether they have important things happening in their life.
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Of course, it's important not to be overbearing, but the more time you invest, the more opportunity you have to engage in meaningful banter or silly jokes.
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The fact that friendships take time also means that you need to be patient and kind with yourself, especially if you're out of practice.
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Things will not improve overnight, but slowly, step by step, if you keep up.
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Open up, care, and share.
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Many people don't have an issue being around others, but struggle to turn acquaintances into friends.
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So let's talk about two important principles that make it more likely that you'll connect.
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In general, our favorite topic is ourselves and the things we care about, because we are literally at the center of our own universe.
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So people tend to like people who are genuinely interested in them.
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So if you want to make friends, your goal should be trying to learn what makes them tick.
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Just as important as caring about others is reciprocity and openness.
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To connect, you need to share the experiences that made you, you.
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Now, you don't want to overwhelm the other person and immediately spill out your deepest secrets,
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but open up a little and reveal personal things, because this also signals to others that it's okay to do the same.
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The best case is that you find shared experiences.
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Maybe you both had a hard time in school, maybe you share a passion for weird movies.
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Learning about others and sharing personal stories in a balanced way and not overdoing it is not an exact science.
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Noticing the line between opening up and oversharing requires practice and depends on the vibe of the conversation.
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One of the perplexities of life is that to get something, it can be helpful to convince yourself that you want it less than you do.
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In general, it's good to be laid back, have fun and enjoy yourself.
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Do things for yourself without expectations, but also be open to social opportunities and accept invitations if they show up.
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And that's basically it.
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Give friendships more priority in your life.
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Check in with friends and regularly go to things to have fun.
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Show genuine interest in others and give them the opportunity to know you without selling yourself too hard.
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If you do this, you're on track.
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If this sounds a bit scary, the good news is that human brains are hardwired to seek connection.
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It's perfectly normal to seek out new friends and there are many people who would welcome more close relationships.
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There are friendships up for grabs everywhere and there are plenty of people who will be so happy to have you in their life as a good friend.
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We want to be part of your friendship journey, so we've created a few things you can share with new and old friends.
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If you want to share something with your entire friend group, get a little bird pin for each of them.
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They're all unique but fit together like pieces of a puzzle.
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Or get matching posters to let your friends know you're thinking of them.
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Or just browse all the science-y things we made for you.
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If you like videos like this, getting something from our shop is the best way to support us.
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Thank you for watching!
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If you saw a wormhole in reality, it would appear round, spherical, a bit like a black hole.
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Light from the other side passes through and gives you a window to a faraway place.
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Once crossed, the other side comes fully into view, with your old home now receding into that shimmering spherical window.
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But are wormholes real, or are they just magic disguised as physics and maths?
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If they are real, how do they work, and where can we find them?
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For most of human history, we thought space was pretty simple.
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Even if you take down the set of planets and stars, there's still something left.
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That empty stage is space, and it exists, unchanging and eternal.
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Einstein's theory of relativity changed that.
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It says that space and time make up that stage together, and they aren't the same everywhere.
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The things on the stage can affect the stage itself, stretching and warping it.
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If the old stage was like unmoving hardwood, Einstein's stage is more like a waterbed.
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This kind of elastic space can be bent and maybe even torn and patched together, which could make wormholes possible.
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